#w but i didnt and i was BASICALLY like because im depressed but i didnt say that obviously and she was like ok heres why youre a stupid fuck
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maybe a weird question, but do you have any recommendations for non-mob psycho media? I’ve been in search of something that hits similarly/is as well made and I trust your judgement o wise one. I’m not super picky, so recs of any kind would be appreciated :)
im like the worst person to take media recommendations from because you have to tie me down to watch something new and then i get obsessed with it forever, in terms of things ive seen recently that hit the same tumblr is NOT lying dungeon meshi is really good and if you start watching now you're gonna be watching at the part where it starts getting crazy
other stuff ive been into (gets progressively less mob psycho and generally more depressing like the further down we go bc i tend to get into really, really sad shit):
-i <3 deltarune but everyone has already played that. deltarune good. if you havent played deltarune play deltarune. genuinely like it more than undertale. also if the last chapter of deltarune is just the confession arc i called it and deserve a million dollars
-same w spiderverse. listen usually i dont care about superhero stuff but god these movies are good and i really hope they stick the landing.
-everything everywhere all at once continues to be one of my favorite movies ever
-rainworld (video game, very difficult but skurry's playthroughs do a good job summarizing the plot and general vibe of each route if you wanna watch those. i watched my friend play survivor ages ago and ive been playing through survivor with a friend on multiplayer and decided to watch some playthroughs to get a feel for the map and GOD DAMN the story of this game. rivulet route almost made me cry.) fair warning this is animal death the video game.
-severance (live action tv show, general plot is some sort of dystopian future where they invent a surgery where you can seperate your work self from your normal self so you clock into work and then black out until your shift is over. except your work self is just stuck at work forever. only 9 episodes but very, VERY good)
-i actually really enjoyed the scott pilgrim comics and the anime i wish anyone ever could be normal about them. id definitely suggest comics (if you can handle the 2000s humor) then anime. also basically everyone knows this but fair warning that starting out the main character is in his early 20s dating a 17 year old, it is explicitly treated as a shitty thing by the narrative and theres nothing explicit and its made very clear that he has 0 feelings for her whatsoever and is just using her as an ego boost but if youre sensitive to that stuff i might skip this one
-lots of webcomics about animals. i read so many webcomics about animals its like. my main media intake. this is part of the reason that i dont understand complaints about the art style my favorite webcomic looks like this
its called doe of deadwood and ill think about it until the day i die. others im currently reading (since this one wrapped a while ago) are "what lurks beneath" (cat cult on an island) "waves always crash" (cat cult on the beach) "i didnt know" (cat cult in a barn), toufati sawa (hyena trying to avenge her clan) and africa (leopard trying to survive the harshening world with her cubs) warning for animal death with all of these and general abuse warning for all those cat cult ones bc. cults.
-i like warrior cats. do not read warrior cats. its not very good and youll get stuck here forever.
-pathologic but the actual game and not just people describing the game please watch someone play the actual game summaries skip so much of the meat of the story and the characters. or play the game if you can bear learning to strategically quicksave. fair warning there is a lot of racism depicted against indigenous people in these games and while the framing of it generally aires on the side of "racism bad" there are a lot of kinda shitty tropes that come with it.
-listen bojack horseman is one of my shows it is the polar opposite of mob psycho in like every way and i would never in a million years recommend it if you want something that hits like mob psycho but if we're asking for just things i enjoy this is one of them. heavy cw for drug usage and abuse with this one. might want to give "does the dog die" a look for this one bc people are not joking about how heavy this show is
-same with hospice. hospice is a concept album about a hospice worker and a patient and has had more of an influence on me than any other piece of media ever bc i found it at the exact perfect time in my life for it to be relevant to my circumstances and now its like part of my identity. heavy cw for abuse also
-speaking of concept albums hey have you listened to tyler the creator he has several. WOLF especially i really like because the plot is actually like. kinda intricate. he also says the f slur a lot in WOLF but hes bisexual so diversity win?
-succession good. tw for like. everything though. probably "does the dog die" this one.
-hey have you ever watched david lynch's 1972 film "eraserhead"
#me and my friends tor and mich read the entire manga in 2 call sessions#i put everything else under a readmore#i feel like the more you know about my interests you can look at anything i write and go#hey. hey i see you.
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scarabia angst headcanons 🌞💔
⚠️ warnings: food anxiety, self destructive behavior, possible OCD triggers, kalim
last updated: july 30, 2023
KALIM AL-ASIM 🦦
has C-PTSD from the constant threat of death
mostly gets nightmares, flashbacks, anxious, etc of when he was poisoned and kidnapped or when jamil was poisoned "for" him
has coughed up blood, has seen jamil cough up blood
really tries to hide how much it still gets him so he doesnt worry anyone
super light sleeper. a cockroach tap the wall and his eyes would fly open
has food anxiety
needs someone to test the food before he does, or he needs to know jamil prepared it or he wont eat it
after his first time getting poisoned he wouldnt eat jamils cooking either
after jamil's OB, he stopped cooking and contacting kalim and things really spiraled out of control
stopped eating/drinking anything until he was forced to
was literally bmi 0.001 until a teacher had to step in and force some goat cheese down his throat
parents would pay for material items for their kids but not therapy
i think kalim might have done some crazy shit to make his parents notice him out of the quintillion other kids they have
also he was raised by servants instead of his own mother
because of all this Mental Illness (specifically C-PTSD) he does get panic attacks, as one with anxiety disorders does
he uses pain to ground himself in stressful moments (mostly his nails)
digs them into his palms or thighs, whatever hes closer to
or he scratches himself until he refocuses
got especially bad after jamils ob. imagine the person who kept u safe and basically raising u coming out and saying he secretly hated u
me personally i would kms
probably cries himself to sleep
type of fellow to be super happy one moment then hear a sad/soft song then become svicidal (me when im having a great day then hear any song by Lamp)
JAMIL VIPER 🐍
fully believe jamil has NPD
after growing up in an environment where he was put behind everyone else, his brain desperately needed to be put first
its really hard to find good symptoms of this disorder without seeing bullshit like "10 signs your partner is a narcissist" omfg
some ACTUAL symptoms of a narcassistic disorder (for jamil):
he has poor coping skills, often projects his anger onto others, has trouble maintaining relationships, often requires praise or he might feel obsolete/depressed
too good at hiding his feelings even in shitty situations
has boiling anger issues but is able to keep them repressed (at his own cost)
after his OB, he distanced himself from kalim to process
after 2-ish weeks, they talked it out and set some boundaries
the first week jamil didnt force-wake kalim up, kalim was consistently late to all her earlier classes and struggled a shit ton with work loads
she couldnt even pick out her own outfits without jamil going "that ones fine, now hurry up" every few seconds
had to establish that kalim needed to learn how to live without jamils coddling
kalim agreed ofc but still felt a little lonely without her usual schedule
also has anxiety from being poisoned, and still has lingering memories of being so worried when kalim was kidnapped
i also think jamil has OCD :3
"if i dont do ABC then kalim with XYZ"
has other impulses (flicking lights on and off, needing to feel "even" on both sides)
i hope someone w ocd reads this and understands wtf im talking about
when someone steps on your foot so you have to step on the other one or youll throw up because you dont feel the same amount of pain on both sides
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What's been bugging my brain recently
Boy oh boy where do I start. Well I suppose I'll start with a little bit of context. Hi! My name is Hunter (if you never knew my real moniker, not many do even if i tell them); and I have been in a disastrous...what could only be described as love illness, since February 28th. Before i explain why (if you dont already know) allow me to provide my full experience with love. When i was in 12th grade i was used as rebound for a girl named Nicole after her boyfriend had broken up with her. It was the first time i had ever gotten to feel love, the expectations of what i should expect were to be established from then forward. We talked a lot asked eachother how we were doing shared similar interests that kinda shit. It was cool, the sex was lukewarm at best but it felt nice to feel appreciated. Thats when her emotional manipulation began. She would be in low points that i attributed to depression. I always told her "go get help for your depression, itll only get worse" all of which she militantly ignored to the point where she told me she was being physically abused by her family. Naturally, stupid me, believed her and grew more and more attached and protective and i didnt find out til after we split up that she was full of horse shit. It was during this point that she would take opportunities when she was "moody" to punch me across the face. Why did i take that shit? I dont know! I guess i was too fucking scared to lose someone i was attached too. Two years passed and i realize she started to ditch me to hang with some dude named Paul and was cheating on me for months. I finally asked firmly if she was and she admitted it, playing sap. I was devestate for about three months afterward. I had planned to kill myself numerous times but always remembered how much my friends would miss me. It was during this time around 2013 that i took up a habit of walking a mile to a nearby bridge on a "private walk" over an artificial lake to just gaze into and get lost in what seemed like infinite thought. I eventually got over her, but only after deleting all contact with her.
Second is someone online i will just call Saber. A very basic ass relationship. No emotional fulfillment for me and only sexting. He was a bit different in abuse in that it was more a financial abuse than anything else. He relied on me to pay for his ffxiv game and subscription and shit cause he didnt live in NA and i didnt see a cent back. The separation was far more a fade then burning out. We just stopped talking and i stopped giving once i realized i was being used
And the third ex is actually criminally dangerous so i will avoid any details at all about them! Just know theyre in jail still i think and they dont know my address
So we arrive more recently, I dont want to use exact names as im still in contact with them and are (presumably) friends and i do not wish to expose information given in confidence. I will just be using first initials as follow: A, B, T, and W.
So it began with a message I'd received from B (all this was when i was freyacrescentshangover on here). He messaged me because we were into the same shit and asked if i wanted to rp. I figured sure! Why not! Well he was pretty chill and nice and i would eventually tell him i had a crush on him. He said "its cool we have similar fetishes but lets just stay friends for now ok?"
It didnt upset me to much. Then W entered my life and boy is she a treat (not sarcastic, mostly). She contacted me for much the same reason. We were into similar shit. We'd spend a lot of time back and forthing this stuff and getting to know eachother and then i finally told her i had a crush on her and her answer is something to keep in mind for later. She didnt say yes, but she didnt say no. She told me things such as ne being cute and how she enjoyed how we had similar kinks and said she'd be down to be more flirty sometimes. I had no fucking idea what this meant (No offense W) so I was more just in a state of confusion where our relationship was. As for why i admired her? She was passionate. Her interests were so emblazoned on her soul that is was visceral just being in a conversation (still is to an extent). Yet she's also so cool and mysterious. It felt like she was someone i had to learn about, someone that i could listen to their passions for hours in complete awe and admiration. Thats still what i admire about her to this day i suppose, but ill get onto that more in a bit.
This was also around the same time i had developed a crush on A. A is super cool and chill even to this day. Never afraid to be herself or says what she feels and that is truely admirable. She'd contacted me because, once again, we were into similar fetishes. We did the old exchange weird stuff and talk until i noticed she, by complete fucking cosmic coincidence, lived in the same town as me. You guessed it! Got a crush on her. This rejection breaks the mold a bit though in that she reciprocated the feelings but felt she was in to many relationships and couldnt provide me the emotional support i needed. Didnt bother me too much.
Well, that is until a couple months later A and her wife formed triad with W. It felt so.....bad if im being honest. I feel guilty to say it and i am really happy for them still! But there's always been a part of me since then that sorta felt......jealous? Short changed? I dont know, its hard to find a word for it. Its like when you taste something super fucking sour but you like expected it to be sweet. My self worth sorta plummeted from it all. Like i just wasnt enough for them..
Cut to later and i met T. Shes super sweet and funny and boy i got a crush on her too! She got into contact with me because......you guessed it! Similar fetishes! It feels like im just gifted with a power that lets people confide their weird fetishes with me. When i told her she told me essentially "Same fetishes dont like you that way".
Now we cut from 3 years ago to a month ago. I get feelings spurring up again for T and W (Probably A too but after how this goes I dont wanna be crushed ever again). I tell T first i have a crush on her. She says something similar to before but elaborates that romantic feelings are very hard for her to obtain. Then I tell W again. She says "We have similar fetishes and thats cool but i dont like you that way". For some fucking reason, this was an emotionally devastating breaking point for me and im not sure why. i got over T in like two days. W on the other hand? Were a month strong in and I still cant stop being depressed about it all. What happened here? What went different here? Was it because of the awkward response id receive years ago? Was it the jealousy-like feelings i still harbored? Is it just because i wanted to hear more about her and her interests and passions hidden under that cool (and sexy) exterior like i had before? I dont know. Probably never will. Likely a combination of all those though.
So here I am, on this weird precipice of loneliness, ready to die any second because my self worth doesnt seem to improve no matter what I do (and ive been doing a ton lately). Will I be able to work up the courage to take another final shot at A? Probably not, my body can't take another hit like that. Atleast not so soon. Will I ever get over W? Im not sure. The last time i felt this bad was with Nicole and I had to cut all contact with her to feel better, but the thought of doing that with W makes me even more sick. Maybe I'm just SOL and my emotional and mental stability doomsday clock is finally reaching midnight (sure hope not! I have Marinas to bully!).
Apart from all this, with how spurred i feel and such. I find it harder and harder to get out of bed every day. To do the things i like keeping myself healthy. Eating. Showering. To live. And yet I move.
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xiao fanfic idea (based on the 2.7 chasm quest)
REQUESTING FOR ANY BORED GENSHIN WRITERS TO WRITE THIS!!!
hello i dont have any energy to rewrite all my fanfiction ideas for this quest bc i made this long ass post abt it in detail but it didnt save and now i feel so hollow and numb. im going through every stage of grief right now, currently at stage 4, depressed.
all i ask is for xiao chasm content. please. i beg. SOMEONE, LITERALLY ANYONE PLEASE MAKE XIAO FOUND FAMILY CONTENT
and then put him through an indescribable amount of pain and turmoil as he fails to accept his yaksha friends are dead and faces the slow realization he has no family, other than zhongli, left.
please help me relieve some of this pain by reblogging or tagging your favorite writers in the comments and writing down your xiao x reader chasm ideas (also in the comments) for their inspiration ...ill join too once im done crying over all of my work disappearing
for now i'll just share a few of my daydreams at its most basic level and hope to god somewhere in the world a genshin writer will take this idea and bring it to life
(2.7 spoilers utc)
yaksha found family + reader witnessing all of it, being an outsider as another weaker yaksha.
where you, unaware of the suffering and pain that comes with the responsibility of being one of the five yakshas, hope to get an ounce of understanding for them like they do with one another, hoping to be part of what seems like a "family."
yearning to gain even a bit of that familial warmth, you glance over to observe them on the sidelines and smile at the sounds of their contagious laughter directed at xiao's now fully-painted face.
as years pass by, you watch in horror as each yaksha slowly succumbs to the darkness of their karma one by one, never returning to that bright family dynamic they forgot about.
finally, when xiao, the youngest of all of them, the only one remaining, tries to recover from the loss of valiant warriors he considered his siblings, you console him, experiencing a pain similar to his. both of you support one another awaiting the day you can reunite with the rest of the yakshas again.
this can really extend as much as it wants to starting off w wholesome shenanigans and then angst to possible hurt comfort or just you and xiao wailing in pain together. i love a good slow burn so thats my personal request, like each paragraph written above can be extended to a whole post and split up into a whole series, but really its up to whoever wants to take up my challenge to make it however they want.
xiao and reader dynamic:
in this case i feel like xiao bonds with reader where they feel this mutual emptiness but in different kinds of ways.
you feel alone in the world, you feel excluded from the rest of the yakshas, you long for something you don't have and haven't had in a long time, for that bond that effortlessly ties the five yakshas together. despite being surrounded by so many people you constantly feel like not one of them understands.
you want to be with anyone as long as it's someone. but you have no one. there are so many thoughts, feelings and emotions but there's no one to share them with no one who cares enough to listen. you wish for what the yaksha's have, the family they built on their mutual suffering and joys, where they all understand each others pain because they all share the same experiences.
you feel like no matter how kind or nice or strong and heroic you are or can train to be nobody thinks to call or ask anything of you, its this numbing feeling that prods in your chest at the loneliest and quietest of days, it's not like they're outwardly avoiding you, quite the opposite. they tell you to join, but however close you are to them you still feel distant, and when you part for your more meagre duties compared to their wider scale dangerous tasks, the rift between you and the family increases.
you don't feel upset, nor do you feel hurt, if anything you feel acceptance. it's normal. at times you feel gratitude; a warm feeling bubbling inside whenever they come to talk to you. happiness; whenever you see their doting towards one another, their dumb pranks and stupid jokes.
as an outsider, a weaker yaksha, you watch the adepti you've looked up to for so long from a distance and internally relish in the joy of their shared happiness.
whereas xiao is longing for something he's had before but can't do anything to get back, its this feeling of hopelessness and this agonizing need to go back to how things were, how he was before. he's distraught with the frustration and regret of not being able to get back what was lost and never being able to experience anything similar to it again. its sporadic. sudden. when the yaksha's slowly disappear, after years of investing in them from afar you end up feeling this way too, this same hole in your chest, this unshakable itch at the back of your mind that won't go away. the bond that you hoped to join, the joy you've observed for so long and the happiness you secretly chewed off of no longer exists.
now that you and xiao are the last yaksha left, perhaps you can form a new bond over your losses together.
THIS IS JUST FOR INSPO ON HOW TO WRITE THEM BTW!! do it literally however u want i just thought this would be really cool and emotional to write cuz like theres readers loneliness built up over the years and then theres xiaos mourning and that sudden period of grief and then the awkward sort of mutual sadness they feel in the end
family dynamic inspo:
xiao being the temperamental, more self centered youngest and bosacius acting as the more protective self-sacrificing eldest brother. followed by indarius (pyro yaksha) the second oldest almost mom-like, bubbly and loud friend, the walmart zhongli as the mediator, calm middle child and bonanus (hydro yaksha) as the second youngest, possessing a more timid, polite and shy aura.
a sample of how he may feel:
and when xiao is left alone, he tries to remember all his happiest memories with each of his friends. he longs for them, he longs for the past so much that it hurts. he wants to be his old self, to get rid of this aching loneliness but as each happy memory flashes by, he spirals into a deeper pit of sadness and activates this haunting feeling in his heart that feels like something is missing. recounting the memories of his loved ones, he swears that this will never happen to anyone close to him again. even at the cost of his own life. in the midst of his vulnerability, he unknowingly engrains that very same savior complex his leader, no, his brother bosacius once had.
---
im sorry if there are grammar mistakes and stuff i rushed this really short idea bc i was busy trying to remember what i wrote before tumblr decided to reload and DELETE all of my work just bc it was in a silly goofy mood
ANYWAY SOMEONE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE A FIC ABT THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANT SOME OF THAT JUICY JUICY JUICY DELICIOUS LORE
STARVED XIAO LOVERS UNITE! PLEASE TAG ALL OF THE GENSHIN WRITERS YOU LOVE AND BOUNCE OFF OTHER IDEAS, NOT JUST THIS ONE, IN THE COMMENTS!!
or reblog if you want to see someone make this themselves.
#xiao#yelan#perilous trail#genshin impact#genshin imagines#genshin impact angst#genshin impact fluff#genshin impact pain#genshin impact x reader#xiao angst#yanfei#kuki shinobu#itto#xiao fluff#xiao fanfic#xiao x reader#xiao hcs#genshin xiao#chasm#genshin 2.7#the chasm#genshin fluff#genshin x reader#genshin angst#genshin imagines angst#xiao genshin impact#xiao fic#xiao imagines#4nemo#5wirl
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okay just for my own sake heres my relationships with the undertale cast.
for context: in jeremytale, as im calling it, the Player latches onto me instead of frisk but frisk is still there. and killing someone is never a possibility. the dialogue options, whether mean or sarcastic, are something I myself would say regardless of being possessed by an Entity
frisk: thats a little sibling if ive ever seen one holy shit. in general i think theyre a cute kid and i think they look up to me but also theyre full of sass and love to backtalk (back sign??) me
chara: another little sibling. I love narrachara theory and it carries over. little dead guy (nonbinary) and their strange living cohort. chara voice Fun fact! If I was alive, I'd be your age! jeremy voice Thats really depressing dead kid
flowey: little sibling number threeee jesus christ. yes he hates me yes if something bad happens to me he will try and hurt the person who did it!! i just think hes a weird flower... until i learn the truth obviously. i try to be supportive but hes kind of a stinker
toriel: "wow this is. a bigger human than im used to having fallen here. Whatever still my child." i think shes awesome and i would love to hug her. however i do think i remind her of chara and asriel for time until she realizes that comparing me to either of them is unfair to everyone. im still her child though. Goat Mother
sans: he goes between "i need to avoid this guy at all fucking costs" and "hey it's not that bad. hes just autistic. thats cool". I do get mad at him frequently for patronizing papyrus (and he tries to do it to me too but i am not above threatening him). on the surface we relax with each other quite a bit. Especially when he realizes that me and papyrus are a good match. and also when he stops babying his brother lol
papyrus: man. cmon. you know this. i do think itd be funny that if i ever actually made jeremytale the outcome of the papyrus fight will always be the dating segment no matter what the player has me do. compliment him? "hey buddy i like your scarf! i have one just like it" "Y-YOU... SUCH A SINCERE TONE! ARE YOU... FLIRTING WITH ME?!?!" ".What". intimidate him? "(*You stand up to your full height and look down on Papyrus.)" "W-WOWIE... TRYING TO SHOW ME YOUR IMPRESSIVE STATURE... ARE YOU... FLIRTING WITH ME!?" "huh." just straight up spare him? "S-SO MYSTERIOUS AND STOIC... YOU MUST BE TRYING TO IMPRESS ME... YOURE FLIRTING?!" "WHAT!!!!!!!"
undyne: at first she hates me but once i get the undyne hang out we are. Basically siblings. she thinks me and papyrus are great and we become a trio of it. she loves noogieing me because i actually put up a fight. i also confront Her on babying papyrus but i think she already knows its bad. i also think she is so funny. most forgetful fish on the planet. WHY DIDNT YOU SIGN YOUR LETTER
alphys: im so cool to her when shes just watching my journey but when we meet face to face she quickly realizes im just as much of a dork as her. we're best friends
mettaton: i am so quirky and funny to him not in a patronizing way but like. That one video of "(excited voice) How do you keep your pants up when you perform, its incredible!" "....... belt". of course once i see EX its like. of course you have black hair and pronouns. unparalleled friend group of me, papyrus, undyne, alphys and mettaton
asgore: he is so. he thinks im an odd chap but mostly very polite and sweet. reminds him of chara much like toriel and makes him very sentimental. hes not really a dad to me but i do think he enjoys my company
#YEAHHH#gaze into the (disco) ball 🔮#☠️bonely heart club#selfship#self ship#self shipping#selfshipping#familial f/o#platonic f/o#🗻wooahh story of undertale
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Hi Guys its that time of the month where I try to figure out what's going on in my brain!
So I've noticed I Always see things as like. A Sign. If I am struggling getting up in the morning and suddenly I get bad stomachache that basically forces me to, that's a sign. If im having a bad day n my cat gets up n leaves me that's a sign everyone will leave me and I will die alone in the future
There are no coincidences, its the universes doing if I am thinking about something and I see posts about that thing not long later.
While just chilling I'll have urges to do things n if I Dont do them Who Knows what will happen! Like while playing Minecraft I'll have a thought of like. Kill every mob in the vicinity. And I do, and I panic when there's too many or I lose sight of them. I don't even know what I think will happen if I Dont do it
I got into a routine of saying Good Morning in a server I'm in every day. If I'd forget I'd panic and get anxious, because something bad will happen if I Dont say Good Morning every day
I'm scared to be happy, because something bad always happens when I'm happy. When I get happy it doesnt last very long because I then have to make sure my cats are alive and my friends still like me and nobody I love died
Because they happened so soon after I moved to this house, I got anxious that Antfrost's cat dying and the whole Dream situation were my fault somehow, along with a dog back at my sisters dying
"Read this or you will die in 5 days" type posts would get me So bad I'd panic and I'd Have to share it every time I saw it, and I'd justify to myself if I Didnt share it again ("well I shared it once, that probably means I wont have to share it again?")
Sometimes I get urges to do things w my fingers and its like, a physical feeling. I Have to do the thing or else the feeling wont go away, and its usually like pressing a button (like the urge to press random keys like Q quile playing Minecraft n having to pause so I dont drop the item I'm holding when I do it)
I'm so mentally ill btw
Other things I'd do as a kid that I grew out of and no longer do are
Being obsessed w germs. Crying if a cup I have to drink out of isnt washed 17 times before I drink out of it, panicking at even the slightest Hint of dirt
Having to constantly spit because I feel like something got in my mouth, crying bc of the panic that whatever got in my mouth would kill me, and my sleeves would end up Soaked from constant spitting (in my defense I was like 10)
Having to check constantly if I Actually did something (e.g saving a game, cant think of other examples rn)
Washing my hands 384837 times.
See these intrigue me because I did grow out of them. They were overshadowed by my other mental illnesses (like me completely stopping caring if whatever I'm eating/drinking out of is completely clean, going onto live in a room full of Maggots and Moldy Food and Flies and Depression Mess....)
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ED log
tw sh, and the usual
**
july 2nd, 5:53 am
the past few days have been relatively uneventful, i just havent been eating much so there’s nothing to talk about. did binge a few times though
june 30th,
one ring of pineapple w/o the skin and middle
small cup of chocolate milk
something else maybe? cant remember eating anything else though.
yesterday, july 1st
6 tacos from taco bell, meat, cheese, and sour cream.
and 1 of their MASSIVE cups, with pepsi.
6-8 pineapple chunks
Purged it all, i ate 4 when i first got it, then picked at the other 2 later, which i didnt purge because i just didnt eat much besides the shell. i think i have finally, somehow, icked myself off taco bell. thank you god.
later, like around 2 am today
i had 1 medium and 1 small fry from mcdonalds
a pineapple soda
a coke
and 2 slices of costco pizza.
all purged.
Cant date this binge but it happened between this log and the last.
1 container of battered fries from a mexican place
and i THINK 2 grilled cheeses? with low moisture mozzarella and a bit of cheddar.
either way, all purged.
ive worked out twice this week, which was nice, but i cant see myself keeping it up unless im really desperate to appease my ed.
trying to get better with tracking my food but its hard, again, i have a really shitty memory and i dont really have the foresight to log my binges or meals when they happen. Nor do i really calorie count besides in my head, and even then its a rough estimate.
Cut for the first time today, ive always been really scared of pain so im shocked i went through with it. Im having a really hard time with some school related stuff right now and i just couldnt handle the stress. they’re not deep cuts or anything, really light actually, but i cut basically in the same place a ton of times so its really irritated.
ive never really used self harm to deal with my stress so im shocked at how much i didnt mind it. probably not something super addictive, but i can see myself doing it again once these marks fade. it helps to look at them and know that nothing really matters, i can torture myself all i want and it’ll be worse than what im stressing about. kinda. im still worried, but its definitely better.
Ive been gaining and losing the same 5 pounds, probably because im not purging everything i eat like i should be, i almost never purge snacks or drinks on their own. its hard sometimes, my depression have really intensified over the past few weeks and getting up to do anything let alone purge is difficult. i have to remind myself constantly that i dont wanna live in this fucking fat ass body forever.
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its like, the reason i didnt end up moving was bc a) i was scared and b) i was thinking that i should stay in seattle rather than kinda "giving up" parts of my life to move. i do think i wouldve had to - i think i wouldve had a hard time making friends, wouldn't've been able to go to as many events (many small american artists are not exactly touring in geneva lol, and as small as europe is comparatively, i dont make enough to be traveling every weekend or w/e)
but now im faced with so much regret. did i make a mistake in not moving? im not really doing much in this city anyway, its not like im doing something great by not leaving. sure i have some friends i hang out with, and i love those friends a lot, but is it worth it? am i really sure i wouldn't have made more friends? would it have been as bad as i was expecting?
im not sure. i think it wouldve been rly hard, i dont want to diminish that just because im feeling regret. the moving process sucks, and geneva is a really difficult city to move to, afaik. living there is expensive, and id prob be living in one of the french towns outside of geneva, making it even less of a city and more of just... a town. finding a place to live would have been challenging - i was reading a lot about it and the amount of paperwork you need as a foreigner is tough, and time consuming, and i wouldve had to find a place where i could keep my cats as well
im also on various medication which i wouldve had to find someone to prescribe to me. a psychiatrist wouldve been doable, but something like going to a gynecologist wouldve made me nervous, esp. bc im nonbinary, and on T, and wouldve liked to keep that going even after moving. switzerland isn't a super progressive country (not the worst, ofc) but it wouldve been harder to find an accepting physician or gyno than it is in the city i live in rn, where basically everyone is at least aware of trans people on some level, and the vast majority are trans positive
like - im not saying it wouldve been impossible. there are trans people in switzerland, obviously. but it wouldve been like - i moved, then in one month basically idve had to: travel btwn switzerland and home to get my cats a couple times + dealing with all of that, getting my antidepressants set up over there, finding someone to prescribe me birth control, and getting hormones and a doctor who is knowledgable about hormones specifically for nonbinary people. impossible? no, obviously not. but a lot to do in a short amount of time, when moving itself wouldve been hard.
but despite all of that, and knowing all of that logically in my brain and recognizing all of that - i still wish that i didnt leave this group. i wish that i had stayed, and moved, bc shouldn't it be worth it in the end?
finding research im interested in is hard - and that was research i was interested in. it was cool stuff - the physics was fun but it also was a lot of training in something i wanted to do after graduation. and thats maybe the biggest thing. the new research im doing now is fine in terms of physics but the computing is .... limited. the group is much more physics oriented rather than being like a mix of physics and CS. and thats fine - great even - for most people. but i dont want to do physics necessarily after i graduate, id rather do some sort of computing. but this new group isnt going to prepare me as well for that, and then what am i going to do?
like, was i just not going to move because it was too scary and missed out on this great opportunity for me? did i ruin my future just because i was too nervous to move? too scared of all the logistics? what am i even doing with myself now that im in seattle. just sitting around basically and thinking about how anxious and depressed i am. maybe seeing some friends once in a while. was it worth it? i dont know.
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//from 4.24.23
daniel said to write more in here and im in a5 brainrot hell so
THIS PART OF A5 WAS ACTUALLY TAKEN FROM AN EARILER CONCEPT OF LF...
ok so its nothing too specific or special - just that the characters zodiacs have a special part in their stories ig 💥💥
well it only rlly applies to micheal and adam ngl
micheals a goat and adams a monkey 💥💥 (im talking abt chinese/birth year zodiacs)
this doesnt go into anything too deep, goat just means sacrifice and monkey is just a reference to a monkeys paw
micheal is really the only thing the family ever had to sacrifice and it fits in with him being catholic soo why not!! adams just a horrible bad luck attractor btw. ollies luck is sm better when hes not around
oh yeah abt oliver i decided hes gonna either b transfem or bigender 👍👍 he/she prns r fine & he goes by oliver, ollie or oliver :]
might as well continue and finish it idk
olivers also bi-romantic & asexual :3
adam and micheal r both cissies/lhj... adams deadass just gay and micheal is panromantic asexual ^_^ only reason adams not ace is for my sillu dilly rps with mfs on chai/hj
I WISH I HAD SONGS TO ASSIGN THEM BUT I RLLY DINT HAVE ANYTHING RN... i guess olivias sweet tooth by cavetown but thats like it lmfao
THIS IS SO WRONG NOW... NEW MICHEAL CONCEPT (replying to micheals old concept design)
2nd img is after death/ in the afterlife !! dont mind the text
SHITPOST ART OF HIM FROM A MAGMA WITH BUGZ BTW 😭😭 its too goofy not to show
stupid gay/j
OH YEAH I HAVE TO ADD CONTEXT TO THIS BUT UHMM I WAS RPING AS ADAM WITH A RANDOM CHARACTER FROM A FANDOM IM IN AND THEY GOT TOO FRUITY. THIS POPPED IN MY MIND WHILE I WAS OUT SHOPPING W/ MY DAD 😦 the canon charaer on first img. im cringe and a oc x canon shipper
this was set after micheals death kind of in a au where adam doesnt get depression and fixates on him for years on end 💀 but anyways itd kinda be funny if it wasnt // if they had an open relationship but when micheal finds out hes just like. "you fucked the mf bishop of the basilica?? how am i gonna show up to church each week w/o him staring at me funny now." 😭😭
anyways that eas just a random thought
i was thinking that red would be yhe overall main color for the story :3c adam already wears red usually, red is practically going to be micheals main color in art concepts i have and oliver just looks good in it lol
oh i forgot to mention earlier
i havent done the math for what year oliver wouldve been born in but im thinking his zodiac would be a dog.. theres nothing big behind it either, its just that hes kinda lost w/o adam or micheal and would probably run back to them no matter what - slight reference to the song like a dog ^^ - but its also kinda based on the fact habit said he gave off doberman vibes lol
unless yall rlly wanna judge them based off their birth month zodiacs i dont think ill give them actual birthdays 💀 but micheals birthday is april 5, just because its kind of a main part to yhe story.. (ihy server stfu abt zodiacs for one second challenge fr. i got called slurs bcz im a leo)
mentioning this again!!
i have basic ideas on how to draw scenes attached to the lyrics now :)
"see how his feet miss the ground" - plain red background against two feet just kinda dangling from the top. the lyrics are right below the shadow
"and he falls inside a hole he dug for me" - i really didnt know what to for this even after hours of thinking since micheal never planned to kill adam or anything alike so i just opted to have adam standing there in shock again, against a plain red background. theres might be a little of that on his hands too :]
"the kind of irony youd read in bible stories" - shillouette of micheal sitting up jn his grave. the backgrounds still red. hes holding a white book with yellow text on it ^_^ you might be able to infer what the book is from the lyrics imo (replying to another msg. too long to include )
i might make a bunch more oc x canon (8:11) interactions soon too :33 or crossover stuff
like ryker meeting both emilio and oliver (mc meeting lol) or emilio meeting micheal since micheal wanted to be a priest but last minute settled for being a jeweler 😞
i deadass kinda want micheal to meet my friends oc felix but i have not the slightest idea how that would work
ooo micheal and aster meeting would be cool too ( old jewelery making mfs/silly )
Anyways that's all I've got for now!! i might come back jn a bit or some other time ^^
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instead ill vent in the tags of my own post. read if u want idc
#idk how many of u remember the anon i got when this blog was up for like 3 total hours. my old one not even deleted yet#but i feel like it was her. and thats so fucked up bc when we were together she agreed w me how fucked up it was that i was getting such#shitty anons. and now that i say that i womder if she was sending those too. probably not but like . damn#again maybe not but i feel like she just wanted control over me. had to do things her way when she wanted or shed throw a little fit. which#sounds cruel but like if i didnt call her shed genuinely get depressed and start reblogging rsd posts that i could BLANTANTLY SEE and not#even try to communicate with me#and like not to get depressive AND tmi but the only fucking time i ever felt truly TRULY loved by her is when we sexted. like come the fuck#ON im MORE than that i dont give a fuck how high your libido is can you work on making me feel loved in other ways#and like i think she sent that anon to this blog that was like try being nicer/better this time. and i only think that bc well#one the other anons on the othwr blog seemed a bit fucking personal and out of nowhere too to begin with#but two bc i reacted when we broke up. it came basically out of nowhere#i didnt wanna call at that moment and id been not wanting to call for months bc id just gone through a fucking traumatic surgery on my damn#eyeball and that led to an argument about how i apparently dont make HER feel loved like im sorry am i supposed to prioritise YOU over MY#HEALING FROM SURGERY??? and then she tried to turn it around saying that breakup was bc out love languages dont match which i mean. yeah.#thats fair. but SERIOUSLY that + me not wanting to call because im healing through something traumatic. thats what tipped you off? at this#moment? at THIS moment during an argument you finally decide our love languages dont match up? that seems coincidental! tbfh!!!!!!#she wasnt bad or cruel to me dont get me wrong but she could be so fucking inconsiderate#told her i wanted to meet up within the next 2 years because thats a good window for me not being able to drive or live on my own and my#moms work schedule and she was like fucking 2 years? am i just supposed to wait for you? like my god she wanted me to do things at her beck#and call!!! like can i live? can i not BREATHE? do i have to do everything when u say so lest u get bitchy with me and start venting on the#dash instead of communicating to me like you fucking PREACH ABOUT????#AND SHE WAS 25. GIRL. DO BETTER. DO FUCKING BETTER MY GOD#im gonna be fucked up over this for a damn long while i swear to fucking christ
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@whoelsewillihaveicecreamwith (hops over to a post for further discussion because i have many word)
the setting/character potential of fates is so good and then the game went and fucking butchered it all im so smad 😭
anyways 90% of rewrite rn is crying over Corrin because you ever realize the white bread levels of bland self insert protagonist is only Like That because the devs didn't want to commit to having any too specific character traits or any actual noticeable character arc so they could remain a Self Insert and not step on anyone’s HC toes and yet are not ACTUALLY a self insert because we only make one (1) choice for corrin and they otherwise remain a central character that doesn’t have a character arc or sense of branching paths beyond which flavor of game you wanna pick which is fine for a background character but for the role corrin plays is absolutely abysmal
and then realize she has all the building blocks to be basically disney’s take on rapunzel but in a fantasy war setting with dragon powers. You know. Things I think about.
that other 10% is sifting through the script for lore like a raccoon in a rotting trash can and trying to figure out some sort of unifying arc/theme and more compelling plot happenings than “we went here and exposited” so that all this character work can actually go somewhere
#katie rambles#whoelsewillihaveicecreamwith#fates didnt wanna commit to anything for their protagonist and it leads to corrin being a straight horizontal line and it makes me so mad#because they dont do anything with her dragon powers and family drama is just player guilt tripping basically#you cannot explicitly give this character so many reasons to grow and change and take interesting routes from where they start#by locking them away from the world and hitting them with a massively traumatizing event#for the wombo combo of extreme naivety and inexperience followed by massive tradgedy#only for them to remain basically the exact same character the entire fucking game#regardless of which route you pick#the only big changes really are you get more depressed in conquest i guess! which i dont feel sorry for tbh#im not too familiar w/ it but also like it doesnt seem to handle the ''change them FROM THE INSIDE'' plot all too well#at least I sure as hell dont trust it to given what i've seen in Rev and Bir#bir and rev have barely any change except they get more resolute#and like occasionally they ''oh no idk if i can do this'' and the game says their trust is greatest str and weakness#but like it never goes anywhere or really gets challenged and like YOU GOD DAMN F O O L S#YOU FOOLS YOU HAVE THE PERFECT STORM FOR A FANTASTIC CHARACTER + YOU WASTED IT ON BEING A WASHY SELF INSERT THAT CANT EVEN SELF INSERT RIGHT#this turned into a corrin essay in the tags omg im sorry i really wasnt kidding when i said braincell stuck here
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Incorrect Sanscent Quotes 2
Ships:
Errorink
Dustberry
Horrorlust
Kreme
Crossmare
Scifell
Afterdeath
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ink: There is no good reason why we can’t sit down and have a conversation!
Error: I have a reason.
Ink: Which is?
Error: I. Dont. Like. You!
Ink: Really?! You cant say one thing you like about me!?
Error: ...
Error: I like it when your sad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Person: Wow I’m surprised that those idiots haven’t gotten hurt yet.
Nightmare: ...Idiots?
Nightmare: *turns around*
Nightmare: wait....
Nightmare: *sees that his crew is doing idiotic shit*
Nightmare: THOSE ARE MY IDIOTS-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geno, to the the others: Imagine that someone gives you a box with something in it that you lost during your life.
Ink: Wow! My mental stability, where did you find it?
Dream: My sanity! I haven't seen this in years!
Blue: I knew I'd lost that happiness somewhere!
Geno: ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geno: I swear one of these days I will grab your neck with both of my hands and break it.
Reaper: How? You cant even reach it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Error: I cant believe we are stuck in this room together!
Ink swallowing the key: Yes truly unfortunate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: Im sorry, what are you supposed to be again?
Ink: Im going as me...
Ink: But sexier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: Im not mad, I just want to know why you guys would need a fake ID.
Ink: *incoherent mumbling*
Dream: what?
Blue: You need to be over 18 to hold the pets at PetCo...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ink: Attention crew, this is your captain speaking, we’re about to be experiencing some heavy turbulence shortly so please strap in. Blue just betted that i couldn’t do a 360 barrel roll in this thing and let’s just say that i’m about to be 20 bucks richer real soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross: Did you bring the sun boy?
Killer: What?
Cross: You know, the star sans that makes you giggle all the time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: What are you 5?
Ink: Yeah, five heads taller than you!
Blue:
Ink:
Ink: Im sorry please dont kill me—
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: What are we doing?
Cross: Wasting our lives.
Nightmare: I meant for lunch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: He died of natural causes.
Horror: You pushed him off the roof...
Killer: Gravity is natural.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: At least im going to die doing something that I love.
Error: And that is?
Nightmare: Dying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: How long are we going to stand here and let him keep doing that?
Dream: Just give him a minute.
Ink: *pushing on a door that clearly says pull*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: Everyone knows the four steps of being apart of the Bad Sanses.
Dust: 1. Make a plan
Dust: 2. Execute the plan
Dust: 3. Expect the plan to go horribly wrong
Dust: 4. Wing the hell out of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ink: Okay guys who painted the Mona Lisa?
Killer and Blue: Mona Lisa...?
Ink: No it was DaVinci....
Killer and Blue: DA VINKY....?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*playing truth or dare*
Horror: Okay...uh, Killer? Truth or Dare?
Killer: Dare.
Horror: I dare you to call Classic Sans’s, Papyrus.
Killer: Thats easy.
Killer: Siri call Pappy.
Siri: Calling “Daddy”....
Killer: WAIT NO- NO- NO!!
*Dreams phone rings*
Everyone: ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: I didnt get that drunk last night.
Killer: Dude you literally started flirting with Blue.
Dust: So what? He’s my boyfriend.
Horror: You asked if he was single...
Cross: And cried when he said he wasnt.
Dust: I-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: I smacked a mosquito that tried to bite me, and I killed it.
Blue: Then i thought, “Its just trying to get its food.”
Blue: What if I tried to get food from the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck....
Blue: How would I feel?
Lust: Are you okay...?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: *spins around in a chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y—
Nightmare: *chair continues spinning* shit-
Nightmare: *tries to stop spinning* shit!
Nightmare: *tries to grab something to stop spinning* sHIT!
Nightmare: *falls out of chair* SHIT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust under his breath: Future husband say what-
Horror: What?
Lust: [internal screams of joy]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: Wow Boss you’re smiling a lot did something good happen?
Nightmare: Can’t I just smile because I’m happy?
Cross sighing: Killer fell down the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ink: Okay, I have a plan but I need some help.
Dream: *spins a wheel with everyones names on it* Sci, its your turn.
Sci: Damn it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: Would you slap Ink for 2 million dollars?
Error: I would roundhouse kick him in the face for free.
Dream: Same.
Blue: Guys-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Hey Dream do you have two tongues in your mouth?
Dream: What? No.
Killer: Do you want to?
Dream: W-what-
Ink: What?
Blue: What?
Horror: What?
Dust: What?
Nightmare: WHAT.
Killer: wHaT- wHo sAiD tHaT?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror about to murder Dust for breaking his lego death star: I know what you are going to say... he’s my friend and I should try to get along with him-
Killer who helped build the lego death star: Oh no he’s crazy and needs to go down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Error: I put the fun in funeral
Blueberry: I put the D in Dust.
Killer: *chokes*
Dream: What-
Dust: You smooth little fuck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ink (rolling unsteadily on heelys): JESUS TAKE THE WHEELYS—
Blue: INK NO-
Error: WHO GAVE HIM THOSE?!?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross: If Nightmare kills us, Im going to get Horror’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the accordion so my ghost can annoy the hell out of your ghost.
Dust: I’ll just get Killers ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.
Killer: My ghost wont associate with your ghost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: I did a bad thing...
Dust: Does it effect me?
Horror: No-
Dust: Than suffer in silence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Wait- so I could have just told Dream I was in love with him?!
Blue: I mean yeah.
Ink: What did you say instead?
Killer: I told him I was straight!
Dust: Killer, no ones going to believe that.
Killer: Oh thank god!
Ink: No one except Dream.
Killer: Shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: I feel only one emotion and that is anger
Killer: You drunk texted everyone of us a thousand heart emojis...
Nightmare: Out of anger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: I need to get something off my chest-
Lust whispering to himself with crossed fingers: please say its your shirt- please say your shirt...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: *choking*
Dust: iM tRyiNg tO cALL 911! But the 9 isn’t working!
Killer: Just flip your phone upside down and use the number 6!!
Horror stopping his choking for a second: what the f-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Have you been yelled at by Nightmare yet?
Cross: I’m not scared of him.
Killer: So thats a no-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geno: Wait. Are you flirting with me?
Reaper: Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: Do any of you know how to drive?
Dust: Does it look like we had our lives together enough to learn how to drive?
Cross: I mean- I played Grand Theft Auto before...
Nightmare: Alright that works, Killer got us a van. Lets get going.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: *Locks Dust in the car.* Act like a child, get treated like a child.
Dust: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: *Answers phone.* Hello?
Cross: It's Cross.
Nightmare: What did he do this time?
Cross: No, it's me, Cross. It's actually me.
Nightmare: What did you do this time?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Nightmare, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Sci and Fell are in Paris.*
Sci: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Fell: But...
Sci: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Fell: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
Sci: Yeah.
Fell: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.
Sci: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Fell: Okay, alright.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Error, about Ink: He's speaking some kind of French.
Cross: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: How do tall people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?
Dust: Blue, it's four o'clock in the morning.
Blue: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dust: Damn, Sci, are you secretly cool?
Sci: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.
Dust: I do not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Error: Are you trying to seduce me?
Ink: Why, are you seducible
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Who the fuck--
Cross: Language!
Killer: Whom the fuck--
Cross: No.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer(or Cross): We both look very handsome tonight.
Dream (or Nightmare): You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Killer (or Cross): I couldn't take that chance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dram: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
Ink: And you came to me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: Between Error, Killer, Cross, and Ink -- if you had to -- who would you punch?
Dream: No one! They are my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
Blue: Ink?
Dream: Yeah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fell: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.
Sci: Aren't you forgetting something?
Fell: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Sci's forehead before running out.*
Sci (blushing a bit): No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: So what do you have planned for the future?
Killer:...lunch?
Horror: No, like long term.
Killer: Oh...um, dinner?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Person who just met Killer: What's wrong with you?
Killer: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: When you have lived with the Bad Sanses as long as I’ve had you develop thick skin.
Ink: Blue is not your color.
Killer: BLUE BRINGS OUT MY NONEXISTENT EYES YOU JERK-!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: You’re stupid.
Ink laughing: Is that all?!
Dream: Oh dont worry, give it time. It’ll eat at you.
[Later]
Ink: Am I stupid?
Blue: Just a little.
Ink: Damn him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer: Horror, just remember just because it can fit in your mouth. Doesn’t mean its food.
Horror: *spits out wrench*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: Oh my god, guys...Santa...he wont be able to reach us this year!
Ink: Um Blue-
Dream: Ink, I know what you are going to say, and im gonna stop you right there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross: Nightmare can you call the Bad Sanses over, they arent listening.
Nightmare: Why? I’m not their mother.
Cross: Just do it.
Nightmare: Ugh, fine whatever.
Nightmare: GUYS! Get over here!
The Bad Sanses: *immediately runs over to Nightmare and are lined up like ducklings following their mother.*
Nightmare: I-
Cross:
Nightmare: Wait- no! I-im not! Listen... LISTEN! Im not their-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lust: Name three things that would ruin a first date.
Ink: I- uhm, Shitting my pants-
Geno: saying I love you.
Dust: Killing them.
Lust:
Geno:
Ink:
Dust:
Lust: Did this happen?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: You know, when I said yes to the Truce this is not what I expected to happen.
Dream: You and me both brother.
Blue and Dust: *almost burning down the kitchen*
Ink and Error: *having a contest on who can eat the most sweets before throwing up*
Lust and Horror: *watching the chaos and doing some wholesome flirting*
Sci, and Fell: *their experiments blowing up half the time*
Cross and Killer: *screaming on the railing of the second floor*
Geno: *passed out on the couch*
Reaper: *floating over Geno*
Nightmare and Dream: ....
Nightmare: Is it too late to return them all?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reaper, covering the phone to talk to Geno (or Lust take your pick): I'm talking to my credit card company. I tried to get an online subscription to the New Yorker and they declined me. Apparently, based on my previous purchases, they assumed it was fraud. That's crazy. I'm fancy. One time I had coffee-flavored ice cream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightmare: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
Horror: It's kind of complicated, but Kill-
Nightmare: Got it. Forget I asked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ink, who is not named Kyle: So I said to myself: Kyle-
Blue: Wait, Kyle?
Ink: That's what I call myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sci: Lust, where have you been? You left your cell phone in your desk and I assumed you were dead.
Lust: Uh, I would clearly be buried with my phone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Watching a horror movie.*
Fell: Are you scared?
Sci: In this economy who wouldn't be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue: I have edge.
Dust: You really don't. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I've ever seen. You have the face of a cartoon lamb.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dream: Just be yourself, say something nice.
Ink: Which one? I can't do both.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horror: There's nothing that can dent our impenetrable bond.
Dust: I have a secret boyfriend.
Horror: You're dead to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fell: Classic, I think you should play the role of my father.
Classic: I don't want to be your father.
Fell: That's perfect. You already know your lines.
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Killer: Did you notice how hot your brother has gotten?
Nightmare: *Glares.*
Killer: Because I have not!
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Sci: Everyone know what they're doing?
Lust: In general or the plan?
Sci: The plan, Lust.
Lust: *Sigh of relief.*
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Killer, Fell, Dust, Error, or Nightmare: How do people not swear??? Like where does their anger go?? How do they show their enthusiasm??? What if they stub their toe??? Like saying golly gosh isn't really going to cut it Barbara.
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Ink: *Playing out of tune guitar.*
Error: Hey, you take requests?
Ink: Sure.
Error: Please stop.
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Fell: What's your biggest fear.
Classic: Being forgotten.
Fell: Damn that's deep.
Fell: Mine is the Kool-Aid man but I feel kinda stupid about it now.
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Reaper: *Texts Geno about what kind of teddy grahams they want.*
Geno: Honey.
Reaper: Yea wassup.
Geno: Just realized u was saying the flavor you wanted. Not addressing me endearingly.
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*In the chip aisle at Walmart, doing a late-night grocery run.*
Cross: *Minding my own business, looking for tortilla chips.*
Cross: *Finds tortilla chips.*
Dream, to Ink: See, he knows what he's here for. He knows what he's doing. Be more like him. MAKE A DECISION, INK.
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Killer: Is 4 a lot?
Horror: Depends on the context. Berries? No. Murders? Still no. Ex’es? Yes.
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Fell: Be careful.
Classic: I always am.
Blue: I respectfully disagree.
Horror: I don't think any of us are.
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Sci: I wasn’t sure what kind of chocolates you liked so I got them all.
Fell: Sci... there are like 300 boxes here.
Sci: I panicked, okay?!?! Valentine’s can be very stressful.
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Blue: Alright I need you to swear-
Ink: Fuck!
Blue: AS IN PROMISE-
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Killer: So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.
Dust: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?
Killer: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.
Dust: I pity your dentist.
Killer: Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.
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Dream: Oh, babe. I didn't want whipped cream.
Killer: Well let me fix it for you, babe.
Ink: And this isn't soy.
Error: Sucks to be you.
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Nightmare: [Pointing at the broken coffee machine.] So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Dream: ...I did. I broke it.
Nightmare: No. No you didn't. Dust?
Dust: Don't look at me. Look at Horror.
Horror: What?! I didn't break it.
Dust: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Horror: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Dust: Suspicious.
Horror: No it's not!
Reaper: If it matters, probably not, but Lust was the last one to use it.
Lust: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Reaper: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Lust: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Reaper!
Dream: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Nightmare.
Nightmare: No! Who broke it!?
Horror: Nightmare...Geno's been awfully quiet.
Geno: REALLY?!
[Everyone starts arguing.]
Nightmare: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
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Ink: How much could I possibly owe you? Fifty/sixty bucks?
Nightmare: Two thousand, four hundred and thirty seven dollars.
Ink: Dollars?! Wait, of course dollars. Why was that the part I was surprised by?
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Ink: I guess that's your new best friend now, Dream. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Dream: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Ink: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.
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Lust: Reaper, don't take this the wrong way, but, you're insane.
Geno: That may well be, but the fact is, it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people.
Reaper: For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens. And I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.
Lust: Reaper you’ve never had a mother-
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Lust: Why are you crying?
Some random person: Because I'm stupid.
Sci: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#kreme#crossmare#incorrect quotes#sanscent#dustberry#scifell#bloodlust#horrorlust#errorink#driller#kream#dream sans#ink sans#swap sans#star sanses#bad sans gang#geno sans#afterdeath#Reaper Sans#cross sans#lust sans#sci sans#error sans#nightmare sans#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder sans#sans#undertale
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ChengQing (lmao never realized that was their fucking ship name)
so pros of (Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing):
one of the few possible het ships available to mdzs fans like there are all of five named female characters and this is the only one not in an established het pairing. and like sure ive seen yanli w/ someone else a couple times but you CANT put her with JIANG CHENG and i cant say ive ever seen mianmian in a serious relationship in fics with anyone besides either her canon hubby or a chick (usually yanli, wen qing herself, or even sometimes both lmao).
it’s basically written itself in cql!! he has a very obv and clear crush on her, even gives her a comb and offers to help her! she seems interested but the way the storyline went it was simply not meant to be :’(
you get to pair off jiang cheng!! ngl once u finish mdzs its kinda sad for everyone not wangxian (in their generation/above) cuz theyre the only one that get a happy ending. Everyone else is forever alone / depressed / bitter or a combination thereof. so it’s nice to see jiang cheng getting a happy ending!
he... gets... kids...? like ngl as a childless person that is happy to stay that way thats not exactly a pro in my eyes but you might look at his relationship w/ jin ling and say “he’s a great father! he deserves to be a father!” which okay good news! wen qing can bear children!
Now. Cons.
for one thing the fact that you have a lack of options doesnt exactly mean every possible het pairing can have good chemistry even if you change circumstances enough. there comes to a point where certain pairings can only be really viable if one or both of them are ooc.
lets be honest im willing to bet that AT LEAST 80% of the reason cql introduced this ship was because they were not allowed to make the wangxian pair explicitly Together (and i dont even mean anything specifically sexual), and they needed SOME SORT of romance to feature in the story. xuanli doesnt count because theyre an established background ship, the jiang parents dont count as romance, we aint talkin about the villain relationships, and lbr, mianmian already had a lot more signif in cql than mdzs. so it makes sense that they took the arguably most important male chara besides wangxian and made him have a crush on the most important female character that wasnt his SISTER.
what im trying to say is that cql pulled that pairing out of a hat. if you look at canon at ALL i highly doubt there would ever have been feelings, just as there never were. we dont quite know the age dif but we know that wen qing was the older sister and wen ning might have been a bit younger? than the boys? cannot quite remember but we dont know if she was only a year or two older or if it was like. mingjue and huaisang. we dont know! and i canNOT see jiang cheng going for an older chick. also their personalities would clash So Much. she has older sis vibes and not the gentle kind like yanli. she snaps at wen ning’s mumbling and stuff a good couple times- you think she’d tolerate jiang cheng’s emotional immaturity? hah.
this also kinda segues into my main point of: as depressing as it is that jiang cheng is forever alone unless you pair him off... he would honestly put whoever you pair him off with through hell. he’s not nice. so many jiang cheng stans like to argue that he’s a traumatized kid that was raised to channel his emotions through anger (and raises bitterness under his skin like an ugly puppy) but inside he has a heart of gold, and they’re... not exactly wrong! i mean- literally every younger chara is traumatized in some way. but... that doesn’t really... excuse the shit he’s pulled? as much as jiang cheng stans like to forget: jin guangyao was RIGHT when he said that jiang cheng’s insecurities got wei ying killed. his CLOSEST ALLY.
tying back to wen qing we have their actual CANON interactions (or lack thereof). wen qing didn’t exactly protect wei ying and jiang cheng out of the goodness of her heart when lotus pier fell: she was protecting wen ning (her BROTHER) from the repercussions of his own actions by saving wei ying (and Jiang Cheng ig idk he was just there bUT YOUNG MASTER WEI-)
not QUITE sure why she agreed to doing the golden core transfer (maybe scientific curiousity? i mean she had an unproven medical theory and here was a volunteer) but it def wasnt For Jiang Cheng.
and then the next time she saw him? do you guys remember the next time she saw him? it’ was when jiang cheng came up to the burial mounds to kill wen ning’s corpse and tell wei ying to turn over the wens.
KEEP IN MIND that jiang cheng KNOWS wen ning and qing SAVED HIS FUCKING ASS after lotus pier (not How but he KNOWS THIS) and yet he still tells wei ying to hand them over.
he makes wei ying choose between what amounts to the cultivation world and his morals.
that does not a good healthy relationship make. also again their personalities would clash like so bad. i love wen qing way more but you have to admit her personality is super similar to madame yu’s. and we already agreed that jiang cheng was traumatized as a kid. im not saying fengmian didnt have a hand in it but you gotta admit a good amount was madam yu and her insecurites and accusations she piled on her son. and you wanna pair him up romantically with someone who won’t take his shit and smile? will call him out? HAH.
im not saying this because i think jiang cheng should be with a softer personalitied (guy) like lan xichen or wen ning or huaisang because god knows those pairings have their own issues. im just saying that in canon-verse all i can ship whole-heartedly is jiang cheng / therapy, but since there is not therapy in canon-verse, or even if there WAS then there’s no way he’d admit to needing it, then yeah he can stay single for all his bitter life. better that than making jiang parent relationship 2.0 like fuck.
(this of course means that in modern aus where he DOES get therapy i am Open)
also real quick but jiang cheng was NOT a good parent to jin ling and i will not take constructive criticism like sure he was better than the jiang parents and the lan parents but that is SUCH a low fuckin bar and it’s a fact that in chapter 9 jin ling literally thinks “if I can’t slice off her head with this blow, I will die here- death it is then!!” (taken gratefully from the exiled rebels scanlation) and that is NOT a healthy-minded child.
the only healthy minded children is like. jingyi. and probably sizhui. although i am not here for the way the lan sect raise children but sometimes you have to take what you can get.
also i want you to look me in the eye and tell me that wen qing could and would do anything besides throw down with someone that so much as looked at her brother wrong
because jiang cheng apparently decided to lay the blame for jin zixuan’s death at wen ning’s feet (which is incredibly ironic considering he blames wei ying for yanli’s death??? like i feel like he could stand to use his brain cells a bit more??) and repeatedly tried to kill him.
#anyway this has been my ted talk#i dunno im just getting kinda tired of a certain writer and their idealized world but eh#it happens a lot too and damn cql certainly made wen qing more waif-ey#i didnt and do not want to get into the implied xianqing either do not start#im just saying that jiang cheng has a lot of flaws that people like to ignore a lot#this is true for many other charas too tbf#jiang cheng#not the angel you like to think he is#wen qing#not exactly the forgiving type#like i said tho they do work well together in modern aus with therapy available#and also tbf this isnt exactly my only issue with this author's fic(s) either lmao but hey#jiang cheng the prat#always ranks p high in my grievances#esp considering its a post-canon fix-it type so jiang cheng still did All That#also in any case this author seems determined to pair off like everyone into mostly het ships#mdzs#this is not for jiang cheng stans lmao#sorry ive been awake for like mayn hours and just got some difficul news and had Thoughts
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Part 2
Why is marinette there again?? WAit this is career day! I remembered.
And oh Ice cream man lore, neatio, more lore than we'll get off the miraculous' HA-
Also Luka you seriel killer mf- it woulda be hilarious if she flipped him like she did chat- like a gag of dont sneak up on Marinette cuz you'll get the big yeet-
But bruh he mad scary tf but hes so bright blue. Am i seein shrimp colors now??
Also chocolate chips!!! Chat noir idc. She loves him as chat bye
As Luka terrifies me his eyes will haunt me until I die. Save me. Also. Making ..of string instruments?? Isnt there a w o r d for that?? Luka himbo supremacy confirmed??
And aight he goes to another school but. I liked him being a year older idk. Also marinettes preetty.
And alec why tf- dont bully children- and are people just gonna read alec and make him rethink his life choices?? I woulda slapped tf outta his hand if he started roastin my job tbh. Good on paris for bein nonviolent people
Also what Luka what? What the fuck is with the wind. Is god giving him the power to play any music?? Apollo? No hes not the god of music, ..i forgot who is. Anyways!
What the fuck Luka, are you a god? Also. Push him in the water marinette itll be funny, but dont cuz hes also a good friend!
And ADRIEN BOY I LOVE YOU PLEASE ILL KICK GABRIELS FUCKING ASS. Hes a loser. Hes ugly and hes a loser and he sucks and he has no purpose and hes a big bitch ass hoe.
Also they spoke at the same time that means theyre soulmates. Adrien has TWO hands. They alll have two hands
Also Luka please get eyeliner..or eyelashes also STRING INSTRUMENT MAKER?? THERES A WORD ISNT THERE?!
Also. Marinette chatting with Adrien!!!! Normally and relating!! Amd Luka is a really good therapist. Hes a god- hes magically-
Also he just said "Adrien i can hear the depression inside you bruh but youre still kind but you and Marinette are blind as shit."
Also. Yall can date each other.
Also. Butler Jean?? He has ambitions? That sounds terrible-
Also awe. Alec now 😭 i love your long hair!! Why is this makin me mad emotional. Alec im sorry for callin you baald.
Also. "A man who made bad choices because of the pressure of others" sounds uh..kinda..uh. Foreshadowy for my cat son?? Or like. A hit. A hint to what not to do. I have several points but i cant make them
Also. Gabriel lookin ugly as shit today and why is it..orange- are the colors Saturday? Saturated, thats why everyones bright?
Also. Wishmaker is the prettiest akuma, idc. No one can change my mind and also cuz i dont remember what the akumas looked like
Also lmao hi Santa also hi deadbeat british man! Youre a Scalie. Its okay Jagged,also. Does Luka already know?? Cuz god damn he came in clutch for coincidentally- nevermind- hes just really smart-
Also why is robot man tryna kill everyone what the hell-
And awesome ok they got lucaaa
And haha "savin the world with a stuffed animal" i like you
Also. "I didnt have any" GABRIEL POST UP RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANNA TALK 🔪 YOU BITCH
Also. Hhhh bad bad bad-
Also. Marinette looks cute and weird as thebfairy nitter
Also. Lukas close ups scare me-
Also. Lukas basically Flash- ALSO. WHY ARE THE PARENTS DIFFERENT?? PLEASE.
Gabriel close up feels me with rage. Hes fucking ugly as shit. Kill him, he doesnt pass the vibe check
Also. Ladybug didnt hear or see adrien?- huh-
Also. He looks traumatized- and lmao he gets hugged and defeated- thats so cute-
Hawkmoth how you feel knowin you were defeated by a dino stuffie? You LOSER.
And Banana man was the cucumber. I know he was, banana man was your lore? Banana man I wanna know you-
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ok heres my 8th char * starts crying cuz im getting ahead of myself bt idc ig *
* brenton thwaites, cis man + he/him | you know abel romanov, right? they’re twenty-seven, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, their whole life on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to the system only dreams in total darkness by the national like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole ordering coffee with an ice cube because you’re too impatient to wait for it to cool, unhealthy obsession with everything being perfect, forcing on a smile so often it aches thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 3rd, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered.
background.
second child 2 senator vaughn and philanthropist adelaide who’s currently running for irving’s mayor, younger brother of cain!! the romanov’s r quite well known fr their All American n Lavish lifestyle
growing up abel worshiped cain he was the cool older sibling who cld do it all n still maintain the lifestyle he wanted/their parents expected n abel wanted nothing more than to follow in their footsteps
he tried his best to keep up, did everything cain did, but his grades were always just a bit lower, or his form was always just a bit off, he always felt second fiddle, like it was his role in life as the second child
abel ignored it the best he could for most of his life but he started to notice a different side of cain that he didn’t show their family and a side that :/ abel didn’t like or know at all that was quite vile and this was when some resentment started to form bc their parents thought of cain as their Golden Child n didnt see what was going on behind the scenes whereas abel tried his best to be genuinely good if he could help it
by his senior year of high school things were starting to look up a bit, his already rly good grades were managing to improve, he was on a bunch of social teams, and the coach was saying it was looking good for him to become captain of the soccer team by his second semester, which would look good for scholarships
bt bc i hate my muses obviously this was not going to happen?
abel was still subconsciously trying to impress his family, his siblings, the people around him, wearing himself out until he was stretched far too thin, and he paid for it with one wrong move during a soccer game that had his knee popping out of place and shattering
it was really really really bad, he was in a cast for a few months bc it needed several surgeries, obviously sports were permanently out of his future, he still walks with a limp in his right and is in need of a cane to this day
this sent abel into a really bad depressive spiral sighs that he didn’t really talk to anyone about cause he’d trained himself at that point to just keep things to himself and never reveal his emotions so that no one could catch him vulnerable or have an upper hand on him
however this was the final nudge he needed to really become his Own Person after realizing it’d gone too far and he’d gotten too bad (on medication now to regulate when he gets out of control/starts to get bad again bc it does happen from time to time)
told his parents fk ur money! n moved out of home, had a rly lovely letter of recommendation from airi’s dad that got him into medical school, started joining different teams tht he thought wld b more fun (radio, chess, etc.), starting to distance himself from his siblings a bit too (mostly out of shame)
personality.
rly started to loosen up, threw a lot of parties at the romanov summer beach house without telling his parents n would purposely act out/make more friends than he ever had trying to uphold the family image
is still . quite stiff around the edges to this day tho, thinks everything through and has like daily planners he writes down his entire days in to the Second old habits die hard its jst how he functions at this point
had another rly rly bad depressive episode when cain went missing bt like everything he does? he internalized it baybee!
is like overly nice tho he just rly struggles expressing himself/being openly emotional and vulnerable with ppl he thinks they’ll view it as weakness tho he’s a bit desperate to properly let someone in
when cain came back (will b explained in james’ bio) their parents encouraged abel to keep an eye on them n it made abel :/ another reason fr resentment in his eyes (he still loves his brother bt bc hes so bad at expressing himself he thinks hes gna make cain worse if anything)
has been with several ppl bc hes kinda desperate fr approval/fr ppl to need him so hes been quite a good bf in the past bt his incapability to properly open up has put a real Damper on things
likes to think hes in perfect control of his emotions bt explodes a lot bc hes bottled things up fr years
is in no way a Bros Bro but will blush over his shirtless guy friends sometimes then b like . awww so endearing of me i must love my friends sm<3 like jst doesn’t realize he’s Bi LKSHDGKLHSDKLG he wldnt even freak out if he found out he’s just clueless.
thts all . i can think of now ok bye<3
connections.
exes???? he wld have a Few methinks
fwb’s/past hookups/ur regular old Spice
obvs he’s never been w a guy before but i am So Desperate fr a funny/cute plot where a friend or even jst a random hits on him/Opens His Eyes and he goes wow this is all starting to make sense.
ppl he has a crush on…………. bt wld never say anything abt it . in his current Frivolously Unemotionally Emotional state
family friends/ppl he grew up with?? or ppl who knew him before he separated himself from his family a bit n knew him as a diff guy n is like ‘omg wtf lol’ now
obvs . some friends Bleathe
enemies?? ppl who he got annoyed with n jst lost it on bc it was a wrong place wrong time Situation.
thts all i can think of rn very basic bt teehee
#irvingintro#injury tw#depression tw#disappearance tw#tht ones jst . briefly touched on bt#pants n dabs my forehead as i toss this out no fucks given.
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🖊
i forgot what meme this was AGAIN
anyway its loving and appreciating Jay hours.
so.
ive had this oc for about a decade now. she started out as a self insert in order to indulge in media-fueled fantasies as a bored 10yo. obviously this is 2022, and not 2010, and since then, shes grown and changed as a person so much. shes basically her own person now, and shes gone from an angsty pre-teen to a well-rounded adult.
part of that is that shes got friends now! 90% of the history is on the blog somewhere, but a lot of the reason why she got better. ik im preaching to the choir here because its *you* but w/e. i love that shes friends with cyrus because i dont think jay would be the person she is now if she hadnt.
for reference, jay as a preteen got a whopping heap of abandonment issues after her parental figure at the time ditched her, on top of general depression and undiagnosed adhd. jays also an orphan (lmao) and shes just the worst at making friends. and then she met cyrus, whos basically in the same boat, and theyre gonna do what lonely teenager do and become best friends.
its extra funny because part of the reason they bonded was because theyre both mutually Bad At Their Gender. jays afab, but shes so genderfluid that she went and got stuck in Boy mode. cyrus is also gnc and in royal au, dresses extremely femininely. jays always been fairly tomboy-ish, with only a little tolerance for femininity. shes still this way, but now she basically is only ever in Boy mode. the most she gets towards femininity is being genderfluid. shes gotten more comfortable with femininity lately, but its very much in a butch way. its very sexy of her and im gonna get thirst trap art of her someday.
i also really like the general kinda found family vibe that jay has with her friends, esp xander and jeremy, because i think they really helped out a lot with making her less alone and giving her a support system to actually be a person.
also like hey fun fact but jay found out she was an orphan as an adult, which. it caused a Crisis, mostly bc its one of those. redefining the self kinda moments bc shes been alone most of her life, but also its something that she didnt care about in the end? connecting with her family isnt a terribly high priority for her. like it *is* important to her but its like number five or six on the list
anyway i love her v much. shes a wonderful everyman character and so much fun to write <3
#ooc#sorry this is Long im just rambling miscellaniously about stuff#i tried to explain some stuff bc its not exactly entry level stuff rip
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