I think I blocked out a lot of it

The cult of the absolute doesn't strike me as necessarily caring about the quality of life of its followers given they can just-- brain wash them into thinking it's the best. What kind of living situation do you think Kar'niss was put into? After all-- they made an ogre stay in the same rooms as other races.

Without a doubt, the Absolute are dogshit at cultist accommodations. If they had a Yelp page it'd be one stars down the line. Although I hear the continental breakfasts have their perks; If you don't mind tadpoles in your oatmeal, that is.

When it comes to our dear baby boy I fear he may have it the worst out of anyone, or the best depending on how you look at it. I don't believe he lives at the tower full time. Driders are bloodthirsty and are required to consume blood at least every four days, otherwise their bodies begin to break down and they can die. Unless Ketheric Thorm had a steady system to meet these dietary needs it would require Kar'niss to go out on the hunt for meals. And if there is one thing driders are biologically wired to do, it's hunt...and often.

I believe Kar'niss spends most of his time at the camp where you first encounter him.

This area is large enough to handle his size and secluded enough to where he's rarely bothered. Stationed so close to the mountain pass it also affords him the jump on any foolish enough to enter the Shadowlands. If you enter through the doorway at the back you also find a lot of evidence that this could be his primary feeding nest.

Bloody drag marks, bodies in trees and rock faces and skeletal remains piling up in the cavern below, it's the perfect spot for a hungry drider to enjoy his meal in peace. He likely drags his victims to the tree, drinks them dry and discards the remains for scavengers or fiends to clean up.

I also believe this is the real reason he was given the moon lantern. Not because the Absolute actually favored him, but because out of anyone he would be required to venture into the Shadowlands most often. This elected him as the impromptu guide for any True Souls that wandered to Moonrise.

As for where he sleeps, I doubt he does much if at all. Drow only require four hours of rest with their trance ability, and Kar'niss is still labeled as a drow in his profile. Rest wouldn't come easy to him with so many voices bombarding his mind, vying for attention. So when he's not being tasked by the Absolute to act as a guide or some other side venture, he's either hunting or looming at the top of Moonrise tower to be closer to "Majesty". I have an idea as to how Kar'niss became so thoroughly mind fucked by them, but that's for another post.

If he does stay at the tower primarily it would be just as lonely as the pseudo campsite. Kar'niss is the Ned Flanders of the Absolute (with more murder), and everyone else is Reverend Lovejoy. Sure, they believe and follow faithfully, but Kar'niss is a bit too extra even for them. His constant ramblings, his fanatic devotion and how temperamental he can be make him an unpopular option to hang around. He's likely dismissed or outright ignored. In fact now that I think about it, I don't think a single NPC addresses him by name. The guard at Moonrise calls him 'drider' and that's it. Perhaps Minthara does but I can't recall to save my life. Sad.

Overall I think regardless of where he chooses to hang his web, it's a very isolated existence. The Absolute don't care about him, non-cultists don't care about him, and he has an invisible timer ticking down toward his expiration date. The poor creature is simply too brainwashed and broken to know it.

Thanks for the ask!

The most hearth-wrenching thing about the announcement of who will and who will not be in the Community movie, is the fact that Shirley’s actress (Yvette Nicole Brown) won’t participate.

I think that her character always missed something, that it wasn’t developed enough and that with time she fell victim of the “Ned Flanders’ effect” (where a character becomes a stereotype of their main characteristics). I mean, we all know that most of the characters had been done dirty as the show went on and some of the original cast left, but I think that she, along with Britta, got too exaggerated, from a judging but well meaning Christian mother, to a completely different character.

To summarize, I’m sad her character won’t be present, but at the same time I can’t wait to see what’s they will with the remaining ones.

(Feel free to add anything to what I said or even to contrappose my talking point)

I don't know when fanon loustat became so weird! something happened along the way, but I almost don't recognize my ship anymore, I'll need to disinfect or amputate it.

So true bestie, here is my theory:

TW: stream of consciousness writing as per my usual MO.

Here is the story of how VC the series of a hundred sad pretty boy twinks and the one manic twink, became hetero somehow...

I think fandom in general lives in a world of grandiose exaggeration of character traits, every character gets put through a game of telephone of a million or more people with their own experiences projecting. And because as humans we have to put things in neat little boxes. Funny character, sad character, sexy character etc, villain, hero, and all are heavily depend up on already established media tropes. Book characters (with so many pages of complex traits) and relationships get simplified to be understood, especially for a larger audience. The tv show didn't have enough episodes to write a story of a relationship that was fueled pure existential dread, so it became an explicitly abusive relationship. Their relationship got condensed simplified and boxed in in a way average people can understand in under 24hrs.

It's made worst on Tumblr were we have an epidemic when sociology terms get abused to all hell by people with massive victim complexes, and or sheltered life experiences. People gain second hand/or even further removed knowledge of a sociological/psychological phenomenon, it escapes academia and into the hands of people with no understanding,decorum, or self restraint who misinterpret and abuse it.

So you have pretentious annoying people who already like to put things in distinct boxes, with a history of abusing lofty theories, carrying massive victim complexes, and with little exposure to people with varying life experiences/beliefs:....get a hold of a relationship with large glaring power imbalances told through a biased lense (the point) think.... this black gay male protagonist living in an egregiously oppressive horrible time in a romantic relationship with someone so much more powerful get abused and then they come to the correct conclusion of ....he is to be sympathized with and understood....but then they jump to the conclusion that must mean..... he's good person and he is right....and then he's a good person and he is right all of the time and should not be criticized. So you have people upholding Louis as this untouchable righteous pure character that can only be analyze through the lens of victim or the viewer is evil.

His oppressor is a powerful white bisexual man, that uses (in the TV show anyway) violence that is usually gendered (abuse statistics men are the perpetuators, and women & children the victims 80-90% of the times) domestic violence. There is a child in the home, made by Lestat but cared for by Louis because Lestat does not want a child intervening in their relationship (in the tv show). Oh Also He's being cheated on by a man with a woman! People who grew up in a world of mainly abusive heterosexual nuclear families, with no experience with personal same sex relationships, are going to use that as their reference point. Gay couples hurting each other doesn't exist. If you only reference het relationship subliminally in your show set in 1910s, then you're intending it to be het, no nuance here!

So now Louis is a morally correct victim to be protected, and a powerless caretaker experiencing domestic violence from a white man cheating on him with a white woman. So to the mind that fed a delicious milkshake of the iwtv plot (the tv show) prone to boxing, simplifying, and flanderizing... Louis becomes a woman and a mother. The only people, these people, know to fulfill those roles. They are forgetting how much the dynamics change in a gay male relationship. So Louis becomes a woman (or feminine as if the feminine is a distinct static state of being instead of a name given to a bunch of traits, actions behavior, etc). And Lestat becomes a man, a very straight masculine man somehow.

Because:

1. Only women get abused by men.

2. Only women want to be parents.

3. You can't reference white het relationship, (the majority of relationships in media) with an interracial gay couple unless you intended one to be a feminine breedable woman.

4. Mothers are never abusers of children, only fathers.

5. If you're a weaker partner you bottom, because it's not based on arbitrary sexual preference, it's based on ironclad oppression facts and figures.

6. If you bottom you are a woman.

7. Femininity and masculinity are real, gender is real, when in a gay relationship, you get assigned your roles immediately.

Because if Louis is the weak feminine good woman, Lestat is the big strong evil man. So all Lestat's very effeminate sexually liberated behaviors get ignored, or down right disputed. The man did drag! His bisexuality and gender nonconformity presents such a ugly wrench in their new fanon wheel.

And if it gets even worse, the people saying these things are unapologetically turned on by the power imbalances and codependent is hot (ask Queen Octavia Butler). Of course, they were, fed on a diet of yaoi, and slash written by straight women, The fact Lestat has these privileges, the fact abused and cheated on Louis is very erotic for them! Louis was bottom, the bottom was synonymous with woman, and vice versa. And to any people on this site whatever turns you on is above criticism! Don't yuck anyone's yum. A few creators started putting these ideas into their work, and it got popular so they continued. However, I didn't mind these people and kept my distance, and my feelings in the group chat until they developed an entitlement to the work of others. Other fanfic writers and other artists had to create works that matched their vision of amc-loustat or it was bigoted and evil. And worthy of horrible anon hate. And that is where I come in, and caused a schism by getting really loud with my own opinions on my very blockable blog. Now there is a divide.

Sadly we can't disinfect, so I say amputated. Form your fandom pocket of semi sane people and leave the rest to wallow in their filth.

It's no fun, and I leave a fandom when I ain't having fun no more.

hey guys so uhhh folks keep going back and forth between will being a baby or will being a bad*ss and i'm just so tired of it.......

like he is so much more nuanced than either one... (if you're going to read, please read the whole thing! thank you!!)

there are the baseline observations that will is quiet, sensitive, maybe a little shy; he's sweet and loyal and incredibly selfless; in addition, he's frequently a victim of terrible circumstances, with unfortunately little agency to fight for himself. none of these observations are objectively incorrect, even if they're just a fraction of the observations that can be made.

some fans flanderize how shy and sweet will is, framing him as a cute crybaby in need of protection (which is ironic, as will canonically hates when people treat him like that). to them he's a sad gay boy, a soft little angel with teary doe eyes; they attribute a stereotypical femininity to him, a helplessness, making him a fragile damsel in distress. these fans take the canon aspects of will's personality and warp them, not only making them larger than life but also romanticizing them.

an opposing interpretation of will seemingly came about in opposition to "baby will" - many fans were reasonably unhappy with this belittling take on him, and so highlighted other aspects of his personality.

great, right? it'd be nice for people to perceive will as a whole person as opposed to a list of stock traits... it'd be nice for people not to ignore character traits of his that don't align with their perception of his character...

but alas, these fans traded in "baby will" for "bad*ss will" - a take i don't like either.

"bad*ss will" comes in two varieties: bad*ss villain will and bad*ss hero will. the latter is better than the former, but not by much. both involve will being uncharacteristically violent and confident, standing up for himself in a way that often involves firearms.

before delving into either of these varieties i should point out that yes, will isn't just a sweet shy little boy. he's incredibly brave and incredibly resilient, able to survive the upside down for a week and stand up to the mind flayer - and yes, he canonically knows how to operate a gun. will is also shown to be stubborn at times; he's an annoying little brother, perfectly willing to point out how his siblings have no friends; he also does curse, even if that cursing is nothing compared to the constant swearing of his friends. will's a strong kid. i can't accept "baby will" because he simply isn't a baby.

...but does that make him a bad*ss?

some people really want will to stand up for himself in st5, to finally have agency, to fight back against everything that's harmed him; i completely understand that.

some people think that will should become the villain in st5, getting revenge on the people in his life who have demeaned him, neglected him, and bullied him. they think that will has been through so much that he'll snap, his kindness being broken down by pain. they want will to be a villain, a tortured soul with a traumatic backstory who deserves to give everyone the hell he got condemned to - they want him to be a bad*ss villain.

others think that will should become the hero in st5, getting revenge on the upside down for ruining hours life and the lives of his loved ones. they want to see him confidently wielding a gun against vecna, unfazed by the circumstances that would've caused him to run and hide in his younger years. they want will to rise up from adversity and stop being the victim - they want him to be a bad*ss hero.

what really bugs me about these interpretations is that they completely gloss over the aforementioned observations of will being gentle and cautious - even though they're true. saying that will is timid, that will is kind, or that will is scared is not the same as saying he's a baby - because being timid, kind, or scared doesn't make you weak. after all, there is no bravery without fear.

all of these bad*ss whatever wills are conjured up only after scouring off any trait picked up be "baby will" truthers, instead favoring vague notions of will's "sass" or the fact that he can operate a gun. they make will completely out-of-character all for the sake of a fantasy in which the victim miraculously becomes confident and powerful. yes, i want will to gain confidence, but nothing i've seen contributes any ideas about how that would happen - especially considering how in st4 will's self-esteem was as low as ever, tearing up when his best friend and brother say they care about him. if he's that surprised that they love him you can't seriously expect him to suddenly love himself.

not to mention how a lot of this "bad*ss will" stuff revolves around will using a gosh darn shotgun. the only thing being addressed is the fact that there is an association between will and the accursed weapon, and the fact that he has aimed it at an upside down monster before - while completely sidestepping the trauma the gun carries with it. will only learned how to use it because of lonnie's homophobic coercion, and only actually dared to use it when scared half out of his mind by an interdimensional stalker in his garden shed. in no world could will ever be slinging a gun casually, confidently, suavely - if he's going to be aiming the gun at vecna (which he would only do if completely necessary) he's going to be anything but calm while doing so. if you wanted that, you already have nancy gosh darn wheeler. (will does not need to be your girlboss.)

my point in saying this is that will is kind. he's stubborn. he's brave. he's hesitant. he's sarcastic. he's sweet. he's shy. and none of that is contradictory. will is a character, sure, but he's complex; if you dislike will's corners being rounded off so he can be called a baby, you have to understand why i dislike will's curves being sharpened so he can be called a bad*ss. i want will to triumph, of course i do, but i want it to be him triumphing. his whole self.

will was the victim. and he can be a hero. but he shouldn't need to be a different person too.

After two years I am finally roasting Ultimate Kevin 😁

I told myself I wasn't gonna talk about this terrible excuse of a story but here we are! Correct me if I get things wrong because I refuse to subject myself to another rewatch of this garbage! 😤😤😤😤

When we last left off at the end of Aggregor plot, Kevin had just finished saving everybody's asses by kicking Aggregor's ass! Finally after being just the bad beast boyfriend Kevin gets the chance to take out a major villain!

Soooo....where are all the party balloons and cake?? Hey what do you meant the show's not over yet? There's still more?

Wait what is this...

Oh no...OH NO don't you dare don't you DARE bring that back I just know y'all gonna screw it up!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! JOAN RIVERS!

And it all goes downhill from there.

Kevin then goes mad with power and the rest of the season is spent chasing him down. He goes on a rampage first attacking anyone who ever did him wrong but then quickly turning his sights to innocents. Sure it's just Aggregor but this time it's KEVIN!! Their OWN FRIEND!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUMB~

Wouldn't it make a bit more sense to have Darkstar be the Villain on a power rush since AF did build him up as a heavy-hitter? No wait he's on a date with his bodypillow nevermind! -_-

So after a series of plans to contain Kevin fall because the plot says, Ben comes to the conclusion that he may have to do the unthinkable. Gwen disagrees and they get into a fight. Ben wins and goes to execute Kevin while Gwen is forced to seek help elsewhere. So they go on a wild goose chase again, eventually trapping Kevin at a base where ECHO ECHO defeats Kevin hook him on a machine suck out the power restoring it to the Aggregor and Kevin's victims and they all go out for smoothies.

Okay maybe i should have watched the episode one more time but still it's just a retread of Aggregor. Only much more frustrating.

I have nothing positive thing to say about this storyline. Not a single one! It should have ended with Kevin defeating Aggregor WITHOUT going off the rails to show just how far he'd come from the vicious powerhungry brat he started out in the beginning. He learned self control AND we'd see someone else taking out the arc villain for a change! Great concept to explore!

INSTEAD we have to sit through yet another arc chasing behind a maddened Osmosian! Conveniently taking out other heroes or simply not contacting Osmo V for help so that ONLY BEN could save the day! Even if it flanderizes him into an unlikable strawman. Even if it prevents Gwen from having her big moment of saving Kevin on her terms effectively proving both Ben and Max WRONG, that love can overcome problems. That's a hopeful message to teach your audience!

We can't risk anyone upstaging Ben! We can't have him be challenged. Nope! Everything's gotta be BEN BEN BEN!!

"But GRIIIIIITS what would the Twt side of the fandom say if they found this??"

Kevin gets no gratitude sacrificing his sanity&relationships for the sake of the universe. Not a single fucking Thank You!! What was supposed to be his biggest moment becomes a tragedy because of course UA has to drag the darkness out that much more. Gwen has to seek help on her own while Ben goes around torturing people and y'all wonder why i prefer OV Ben lmao How DARE you insinuate that problems can be solved without violence?! For all the problems that show has at least the Rooters Arc didn't have Ben forced to kill his own friend!!

But hey everyone goes out for smoothies! Ben & Max don't face any real consequences! Oh and uh Kevin doesn't go to therapy or apologise to the people he hurt during his rampage. Gwen definitely won't think of leaving the because she realizes no one actually cares about her at all and the stress of having to fight her own love AND her own cousin is too much! No regrets or future flare ups? Nope no emotional fallout here!

Overall it's a shitty story that to me is THE lowest point of the franchise.

What's sad about this is that this storyline could've had TRUE ABD HONEST potential narrative & emotionally satisfying! Besides why even use Ben as the one to kill Kevin when you already have a guy to fill that role?

🎶MURICA! FUCK YEAH!! 🎶

An early chance to bring back characters from the OG series and cause a good amount of conflict without making anyone OOC. Lt. Steel haven't seen Kevin's good side. Ben has. Steel would push Ben to make the "hard" choice, leaving him at a loss on what to do. Should he try making the hard choice ot go with his gut and stick by his friend? See that makes OUR HERO actually sympathetic instead of a douche nozzle! Ben and Gwen saving Kevin in non-violent way proves Steele and Max wrong. But again you had to make Ben a Strawman and Gwen in the wrong for suggesting such. Ben and Gwen vouche that the only reason Kevin acted like that was because he risked his life to save everyone asses. Kevin could work on his personal problems and make peace with his oast which in turn allows him to control his powers. Ben realizes he doesn't HAVE to make "the hard choice" to suit someone else because it's HIS CHOICE that what matters and he chooses to save Kevin!

*huffhuff*

Also there was some guy named Harvey who is actually Kevin's stepdad because we can't introduce anyone on his Osmosian side to help and he ain't did shit. Oh and Cooper becomes a blond recolor because FAT BAAAAAD! 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦

This all I have to say about it. I refuse to give it another go. The fact this story was planned since Alien Force with a decidedly sadder yet fairly realistic outcome shows that sometimes the best laid plans...are better left to the cutting room.

tsk i’m DYING to hear your play-by-play on which worm characters have dumb fanon interpretations

UH OH YOU JUST OPENED THE FLOODGATES so the short answer is pretty much every major character but I am a high-effort bitch so let's do this: Taylor Hebert: jfc, I could probably hit a word count limit talking about Taylor alone. First you have the dumb as shit TINO (Taylor In Name Only) phenomenon where people just straight up SI as Taylor but pretend it's her and she's basically a different person wearing Taylor's skin like an ill-fitting suit. Then there's the Memetic Escalator Taylor interpretation where Taylor's Warlord era characterization is flanderized so hard that she turns into her world's version of Doomguy where her response to literally everything is ultra violence, mutilation and torture and she can totally beat up anyone you guys hahah coin sock goes brrrrr you go brutalize those totally deserving victims queen. And then there's shy, stuttering, soft spoken "useless lesbian" Taylor which is not as common but still, fuckin straight men and the way they infantize gay women. Taylor is perhaps the most consistently inconsistent characterization I've seen in fandom, it's fucking wild Lisa Wilbourn: Has two fanon settings. Taylor's best friend who exists solely to give exposition and get the "Stop Coil" subplot rolling (occasional gay subtext will be added in a way that feels fetishy) Or, the evil bitchy blonde who is first target of the SI. I constantly wonder if the people who write the frankly masturbatory SI's are aware that we can tell they're still bitter about girls not dating them in highschool. Brian: basically does not exist in fic aside from the occasional joke cause racism and also because of how popular wlw ships are in Worm fandom. you deserve better dude Alec: has a few token appearances in wormfic fandom that usually have him as the comic relief alongside Aisha, which might actually be for the best considering he's a rapist and the Worm fandom's uhhhh tendencies. Moving on- Aisha: prankster girl that alt!Taylor will adopt as a younger sibling. hopefully is not part of the totally-not-a-harem considering she's even younger then the rest of these teens Bitch: Another girl to fall into alt!Taylor's definitely-not-a-harem, but with more butch tendencies. Basically has no personality in fanon outside of her dogs Parian: SHE DOESN'T HAVE A SHOP FFS also another member of Taylor's totally-not-a-harem Flechette: yeah it's a harem Sophia: holy shit you think Brian's bad? The racism in pretty much every fanon depiction of Sophia is off the charts. Hyper-violent, super edgy, "predator/prey" speech inbound, will get humilated/killed in some new, supposedly satisfying but actually just deeply uncomfortable way, probably throw in some E88 shit too just because Emma: again, do the writers know we can tell they're still malding over the fact that the pretty girls in highschool didn't date them? fanon emma is pretty much a cardboard cut out of whoever was mean to the author. something something bitches three Madison: in fanon has a C53 fetish, occasionally is also Browbeat. don't ask why Victoria: gets hit with the blonde stereotypes even harder then Lisa, "Collateral Damage Barbie" is one of the phrases that activates my flight or fight responses. she basically is an entirely different character in fanon. bubbly dumb blonde girl with a massive temper and well other sexist bullshiit Amy: I hate even touching this character with a ten foot pole but basically is hit with the "soft useless lesbian" trope hard enough to make her into a completely separate person from her canon self. whether or not this is a good thing is still up for debate Carol: in fanon, an evil bitch who exists solely to bully Amy Mark: who? The rest of New Wave: cannon fodder for Leviathan Danny Hebert: literally stale milk instead of a personality, will probably die before the fic is over but we won't care because the author did not care either Armsmaster: hahaha robotman go brrrr or is an arrogant self-aggrandizing shit, can't interact with people without Dragon helping him 24/7 Miss Militia: fanon bat'd into team mom,

idk where this came from considering her first instinct upon seeing children is to pull out a gun holy shit wait is she actually Taylor's true mom- Velocity: canon fodder for levi Battery & Assault: sitcom wife, sitcom husband! please ignore how fucked up this relationship is if you look at it for more than two seconds Dauntless: haha armsy is JEALOUS also cannon fodder for levi Triumph: who? The BB wards in general tend to be incredibly bland, the only ones who have fanon personalities of note are Clockblocker and Vista. The former being such a huge prankster that every other line is a joke- or him complaining about how BULLSHIT Alt!Taylor's powers are. Vista is an angry kiddo who says that Shadow Stalker doesn't count as being a girl on the team The E88: no personality for any of them except that Kaiser is noble and really isn't that bad and also Purity did nothing wrong totally she's just a hot mom trying to do her best, please ignore how she exclusively targets characters of color and literally calls white criminals more civilized than miniorities- the worm fandom has something of a nazi problem i hate it here The ABB: racism and honorable samurai lung even though that has no canon basis so again, racist stereotypes The Slaughterhouse 9: This one makes me just as sad as the Lisa shit because dear god this is such a good cast of villains that fanon completely flattens to bowling pins for the Alt!Taylor of the week to mow down, why does this fandom suck so much. Anyway Jack is just the Joker, Crawler is masochistic, etc i'm moving on now The PRT/Protectorate as a whole: They are an evil paramilitary organization that pressgangs kids into signing up to become child soldiers, and somehow at the same time, they are a bunch of idiots who listen to the PR department and have stupid things like RULES that prevent capes from COMMITTING VIOLENCE. Being called "the biggest gang of all" is common and some shit like "at least the criminals are honest" is a likely statement. Cauldron: whoo boy this one really boils my blood but fanon Cauldron are just a bunch of evil idiots who can't even tie their shoelaces. basically a bunch of dudebros are upset that women run the world and that two of them essentially have "I win" powers so they have to make them lose to their SI- er, Taylor in fics so they can assuage their masculinity, which totally isn't pathetic Scion: Is at once the end all be all of worm you can't write a wormfic without scion or else it's TOTALLY MEANINGLESS because what is the point of a story if all the characters are going to DIE in a few years anyway, and at the same time is incredibly easy to defeat- this ties into how Cauldron is stupid. Scion Truthers pls shut up and go read something else okay I think that's everyone I would apologize but the only thing I'm sorry for is how messy this is

The campaign of propaganda against Valentina Visconti

Irritated by her sister-in-law's calming effect upon the troubled king (while she was rebuffed frequently by him), it seems that Isabeau set to besmirching Valentina's good reputation. Valentina was Italian, and, "as everyone knew", Italy was a nation of poisoners and sorcerers. Charles's illness was reinterpreted; no longer a judgement upon the behavior of his uncles or the misgovernment of his advisers, the unfortunate king was recast as the victim of Valentina's sorcery and enchantment. A rumor started to circulate to the effect that Valentina had bewitched the king; she was the cause of his illness and the obstacle to its cure. As it was rumor there was no need to prove such a claim; its mysterious nature bilked direct proof or formal demonstration, and Valentina's enemies were able to condemn her without a tribunal. To this a concomitant rumor was pressed into service: the classic tale of a poisoned apple and the death of a little prince. Valentina's enemies leapt into the fray to exploit the sad death of her young son Louis in September 1395. It was whispered that she had planned to remove the young dauphin but that instead her own son, who was playing with the other royal children, ate the tainted fruit and died of poisoning. The story was picked up by Froissart, keen to deride a woman whom he believed to be ambitious with aspirations above her station.

Ambitious Valentina is a them that crops up from this time and one that Jean the Fearless of Burgundy recycled on the occasion of his Justification for the murder of Orleans. It was a "known fact" (the rumor reported) that upon Valentina's departure from Milan to marry Louis of Orleans, her father, Giangaleazzo, bid her a fond farewell with the words: "Adieu, belle fille! je ne vous vueil jamais veoir tant que vous soyez royne de France." (Good-bye, beautiful daughter! I do not expect to see you again until you are queen of France!) [..]

Initiated by the rumor of evil spells linked to and fueled by the "known" sorcery habits and nefarious aspirations of Valentina's father, Isabeau's bespoke campaign of propaganda against her sister-in-law aimed to remove Valentina's considerable potential for influence by ensuring that she would have no further personal contact with the king, the princes, the people, the conduct of the business of the kingdom, or to take any action which might be contrary to Isabeau's projects and ambitions. Valentina was to be disloged from court, distanced from Paris, and relegated far beyond the center of political decision making. With Isabeau's campaign, Valentina was reduced to powerlessness and separated from the royal family and her allies. Eugène Jarry expresses well Isabeau's strategy:

"Isabeau did not forget the duchess of Orleans' influence over the mind of the king. Her plan was mapped out: it was absolutely necessary to remove the daughter of the duke of Milan. This outcome was achieved by the most cowardly of schemes. The outburst of negative public opinion against Valentina was too precise not to have been stirred up by interested parties."

Here Jarry links public opinion to interested parties. Isabeau was not the only interest party; the house of Burgundy carried its share of responsibility even though Burgundy was content enough to allow Orleans to divert himself with his Italian dreaming. Philippe was cordial and welcoming to Valentina, but his political reality dictated that he needed to work toward removing Orleans from all participation in government. Burgundy's wife, Marguerite of Dampierre, countess of Flanders, was of a mind to assist Isabeau in blackening Valentina's reputation. In taking control of the government in the wake of Charles's first episode of insanity, Burgundy had positioned Marguerite to steer the young queen in the interests of their House. From 1392, Marguerite jealously guarded her pre-eminent position in Isabeau's court, and no one could gain access to the queen without her consent.

[..]

Collas claims that Marguerite had been greatly put out by Valentina's arival and her subsequent drop in status; she was henceforth the middle-aged sister in law of the defunct king while Valentina was the cherished younger sister-in-law of the current king.

The mud stuck and, for her own safety, Orleans removed Valentina from court. Froissart records that such were the murmurings of the public that had Valentina not withdrawn she might have been attacked and lynched by a Parisian mob that believed she meant to poison the king and his children.

Zita Eva Rohr- True Lies and Strange Mirrors: the Uses and Abuses of Rumor, Propaganda and Innuendo During the Closing Stages of the Hundred Years War, in Queenship, Gender and Reputation in the Medieval and Early Modern West

“…Since the deaths of individual women during actual battles or sieges were rarely mentioned, accounts of massacres offer some the best evidence as to why women were killed and also serve to illustrate the problems encountered in medieval depictions of violence. We might begin by considering the comparatively high number of massacres perpetrated by the army of the First Crusade, which has led to this crusade being perceived as a particularly notorious case of Christian brutality and religious intolerance.

At first glance, much of the killing seems to have been very indiscriminate and ruthless in nature, affecting men and women alike. Upon the crusade army’s capture of the Muslim city of Ma‘arrat al-Nu‘man in 1098, for instance, it was written that the Christians ‘killed anyone, man or women, whom they met in any place whatsoever’. Again, after the capture of Albara that same year Gilo of Paris wrote that old women and young girls were among the ‘thousand [who] were slain in a thousand different ways’. Although these accounts emphasise the slaughter, Hay has argued that chroniclers had reason to exaggerate the extent of the slaughters in order to present the crusaders as purifying and cleansing the Holy Land of the Muslim influence, and that they sometimes failed to distinguish in their narratives between the killing of adult men and non-combatants such as women, when in fact the latter were often held captive instead.

The sources for the Jerusalem massacre of 1099, for instance, describe the brutal and indiscriminate slaughter of its inhabitants once the city was taken and emphasise the extreme nature of the slaughter. This massacre is not itself surprising given that it was standard medieval military practise to kill the inhabitants of any cities which fell by force after a siege. Where the confusion arises is Albert of Aachen’s assertion that another massacre occurred three days later, in which prisoners who had been spared previously for the sake of money or pity, including women of all ages, were executed ruthlessly in order to prevent them rebelling if an external threat to the city emerged.

Although Albert is the only source for this second massacre, his testimony nevertheless suggests that the first instinct of the crusaders may have been to spare the inhabitants rather the kill them outright, despite what the other sources say of the crusaders’ zeal for blood; moreover, it is known that there actually were some captives ransomed at Jerusalem. Similarly at Albara and after the fall of Caesarea in 1101, Hay contends that while some sources ostensibly suggest a total slaughter, the language used by the chroniclers suggests that they were in fact referring only to adult men who were killed, and while some women probably did meet the same end, most of the women and other male non-combatants did not suffer the same fate.

Furthermore, Strickland has suggested that the First Crusade army must have been aware of the concept of non-combatant immunity that was taking hold in Western Europe at that time (as set forth in the Peace of God legislation), as well as chivalric conventions developed among the Franco-Norman warrior aristocracy which stressed, amongst other things, the taking of captives rather than the outright slaughter of defeated enemies. He does not, however, speculate on whether this had any moderating influence on the actions of the crusade army toward enemy women. In any case, while women undoubtedly made up some of those massacred on this crusade, it is worth keeping these factors in mind when considering the chroniclers’ depictions of wholesale killing.

Nevertheless, even if massacres were sometimes exaggerated, there is no doubt religious differences were still used on occasion to justify the killing of women. Women in heretical movements, such as the Cathar movement that flourished in southern France, were among those massacred by the armies of the Albigensian Crusade after they captured the cities of Béziers in 1209 and Marmande in 1219, as part of efforts to root out the Cathar heresy, although the number of people who died at either city, let alone the number of women, is unclear. Marvin speculates that the number of people killed was in fact not as large as other historians have made out, though he concedes that hundreds, if not thousands, may still have died. Again at Montségur in 1244, women were among the roughly 200 perfecti (the leaders of the Cathar hierarchy who were allowed to preach) massacred by yet another crusade army – gender again being no protection, since all who embraced Catharism were seen as heretics.

Perhaps the clearest statement of religious intolerance, however, can be found in the account, given by the Rothelin continuation of the chronicle of William of Tyre, of a French attack on the Muslim camp at Mansourah in 1250, during the Seventh Crusade:

Our men charged in through the Turks’ quarters, killing all and sparing none; men, women and children, old and young, great and small, rich and poor, they slew and slashed and killed them all. If they found girls or old people it did them no good to shriek and cry and beg for mercy, they were all slaughtered...It was sad indeed to see so many dead bodies and so much blood spilt, except that they were the enemies of the Christian faith.

The author here stresses the brutality and indiscriminate nature of the killing and almost appears to sympathise with the victims due to the scale of the slaughter. Lest he feel any compassion though, the author reminds us of that the victims were not Christians, thereby justifying the slaughter of women as well as other non- combatants. This justification, which simultaneously excuses and explains the violent nature of the attack, suggests that in fact numerous women were killed, particularly as it provoked the Turks into an equally ruthless counter attack on those Franks involved in the massacre after they later became dispersed.

Religion thus appears to have offered one basis upon which the killing of heretical and non-Christian women could be rationalised whilst also avoiding any ecclesiastical censure for not protecting non-combatants from the violence of war (since the Peace of God legislation only applied to warfare between Christians). Aside from religious intolerance, the desire for retaliation against perceived injustices seems to have been another reason why gender offered women no respite from the killing. Pope Urban II’s inflammatory speech at Clermont in 1095, for instance, which sparked the First Crusade, included remarks designed specifically to arouse pity as well as anger for the suffering endured by Christians in the East at the hands of the Muslims, and can, as Asbridge has suggested, help account for the general brutality displayed by this crusade towards the enemy.

In a similar manner, the killings witnessed during peasant rebellions in the fourteenth century did not discriminate based on sex, and were also motivated by the desire to address perceived grievances. Following the Battle of Cassel in 1328, which marked the end point of the peasant rebellion in Flanders against French rule, French cavalry apparently put men, women and children to the sword on a wide scale as revenge for their disastrous defeat at the Battle of Courtrai in 1302. Similarly bloody was the Jacquerie uprising in northern France (1358), vividly described by chroniclers who struggled to come to terms with the violence that was directed against the noble class. Jean Froissart, for instance, included horrific scenes of peasants capturing, killing and sometimes raping the wives and daughters of knights, simply because they were part of the noble class. Froissart clearly had little sympathy for the plight of peasants, and his account was undoubtedly coloured by his class bias, but there is little doubt it was a violent event.

Even in the work of Jean de Venette, who came from a peasant background and generally displayed more sympathy towards the lower classes in his account, peasants are still described as having ‘killed, slaughtered and massacred without mercy all the nobles whom they could find...and, what is still more lamentable, they delivered the noble ladies and their little children upon whom they came to an atrocious death’. Notwithstanding Venette’s obvious disapproval of the slaughter and the likely exaggeration in his descriptions, it is clear that noblewomen were specifically targeted by the rebellion just as much as noblemen.

Finally, women were sometimes simply massacred as part of a broader military strategy of indiscriminate slaughter and general devastation of the land. Such actions were designed to cause economic damage and strike fear into the enemy populace. The Scottish raids on northern areas of England during the twelfth century fit this category; many men and women were killed as a result of these raids, although again in such cases it is hard to separate out the experience of women from that of men. What is evident, however, is the hysteria generated by English chroniclers who saw the Scots as merciless in their treatment of English women. Henry of Huntingdon, for instance, claimed that the Scots ‘ripped open pregnant women’ and killed their children by throwing them on lances.

Similarly, Richard of Hexham, writing around the middle of the twelfth century, asserted that the Scots ‘murdered everywhere persons of both sexes, of every age and rank... [including] women pregnant and in childbed, infants in the womb, innocents at the breast, or on the mother’s knee with the mother’s themselves... [as well as] worn out old women’. Though certainly graphic, passages such as these must be treated with care, for many of the Anglo-Norman chroniclers who wrote of such events seem to have regarded the Scots as little more than excessively cruel and savage barbarians, barely above the level of beasts.

This xenophobia undoubtedly influenced the sensationalised (and most likely exaggerated) descriptions of women shockingly mutilated along with their children. Nevertheless, there is probably some truth to reports of Scottish cruelty in war, for both Richard of Hexham and others such as Jordan Fantosme, who described a separate indiscriminate Scottish massacre in the village of Warkworth in 1174, receive confirmation from other sources. Regardless of how many women were actually killed though, the point is that gender alone was no barrier to a broad strategy of slaughter, just as gender did not prevent women suffering from acts of revenge or religious intolerance.”

- James Michael Illston, ‘An Entirely Masculine Activity’? Women and War in the High and Late Middle Ages Reconsidered

CatCF Ruby Chocolate: Part 2, Wonka and Factory

WILLY WONKA

Willy Wonka in this version appears as a young man in his twenties. He is a really swell guy, always trying to be friendly, to joke, to act "cool" - but it usually fails, due to on one side the kids of the tour being pieces of sh*t, and on the other side Willy himself being quite outdated. All his references seem to date back to the 80s and 90s, early 2000s at most (and remember, this version takes places in the 2010s).

This Willy Wonka presents himself as the son of the original Willy Wonka. In fact let me describe you a series of three portraits:

First portrait, Willy Wonka Senior as he opened the factory at the turn of the century. A thin, youthful, good-looking man in his 20s.

Second portrait, Willy Wonka Senior as he closed the factory in the 50s-60s. Despite being technically in his 70s, he merely looks like a mature man in his 40s. He has "padded" and "thickened" a bit, growing a goatee and looking more like a typical "factory owner", but he still good-looking and charming.

Third portrait: Willy Wonka Junior. An identical twin of Willy Wonka Senior in his 20s.

Even weirder is when Willy Wonka Junior explains that he is actually around 30/40 years old, having taken over the Factory from his father in the 70s/80s - when he clearly looks like a 20s year old. But there are so many things weird about this Willy Wonka... He seems stuck in the 80s and 90s, and despite being youthful looking in general, he still has the stiff walk of old people, some gray in his hair, needs a cane and glasses, and a few wrinkles - probably from laughing or smiling too much. He jokes that being surrounded by vats of preservatives actually helped him stay young.

But the truth is that there always ever was one Mr. Willy Wonka. Yes, Wonka senior and Junior are one and same person. And yes, Mr. Wonka is around or over a hundred years old.

Remember when I said that this version takes place in the 2010s and is a "modern" one? Well, this is for the final twist.

Because what's more modern than... ALIENS!

Yes, there are aliens in there. The Oompa-Loompas are aliens!

Weren't expecting that, huh?

Willy Wonka was the young heir of an important industry baron. Yet, Willy was a dreamer. He didn't want to become a steel or wood baron like the rest of the members of his family. He wanted to do something with more imagination, more colors, more childlike. He then met the Oompa-Loompas, aliens stranded on our planet, and he made a deal with them.

The Oompa-Loompas offered him all sorts of alien technology and science that helped him create new, incredible, almost impossible candies. And thus, he became the first candy maker worldwide. The Oompa-Loompas are also the ones that helped him stay alive and rejuvenate all those years - by using their alien knowledge.

But one can't live forever, and Wonka is reaching its ending point. Despite all the Loompas efforts, he can't stop aging. And at the end of the day, he finds himself a sad little man. He tried many things during his life, and most apparently failed or backfired. He wanted to pursue his dream, and by consequence was rejected by his family. He helped his workers as best he could, but made their town dependant on his Factory. He tried to help the Oompa-Loompas hiding, but as a result fired everyone. He tried to help those he fired with free candy - not realizing he caused a wave of diseases. Wonka is, as we said before, a dreamer. As a result, he lacks a bit the rigorous thinking, the strict preparations, the long-term thinking his family tried to put into him. He is a bit too childlike, too whimsical, acting a bit too much on impulses. He tries to do what seems like the best thing at the moment, often forgetting to consider what it could cause in long-term goals. His meeting with Charlie is especially relevant, because he sees what his actions have caused on the descendants of his workers: caused their misery, both social and physical misery.

Wona never really "fit in" with anyone or anything. He never felt at ease with normal society, preferring all things odd and weird like him - and that's why he bonded so well with the Oompa-Loompas. But by isolating himself with them, he became even at more at odds with human society - locked inside his Factory he missed a lot of world's hostory and events, and his knowledge of the outside world is fragmentary. He still believes the Soviet Union is around!

Hopefully, things will get better (see Ending at the end of the post)

THE FACTORY:

Given the final twist on the story, the Factory has to look a bit like a flying saucer. However not just like any flying saucer - I think the main structure of the building should actually look like the "flying saucer", the confectionnary, the candy originated from Flanders and considered one of the "top best-liked British candies". Of course, the Factory doesn't just look like a flying saucer, it has to look like an actual factory (with doors, chimneys, etc...) but I imagine the main building, the main structure of the Factory has to be flying saucer-shaped. Probably because the Factory was built around the Oompa-Loompa's original flying saucer, when they first landed on Earth.

The interior of the Factory needs to be a mix of both sci-fi elements (after all, we are talking about alien technology) and of regular human aesthetic. Since the Factory was built around the flying saucer, a good part of it seems "regular". The Factory was built around the 1890s (maybe in the 1880s, maybe in the 1900s) and I think it keeps even to the present day some elements of this style. But since it also was "open for public" up until the 1950s/1960s, the buildings, style and "regular technology" was also probably updated/remplaced/renovated. I don't think however that Wonka changed a thing ever since the "closing" of the Factory - he must have stopped trying to make it more "up-to-date" since the Oompa Loompas took care of everything. So yeah... imagine a sci-fi flying saucer, with all around it 1890s buildings filled with 1950s/60s technology and furnitures.

Some rooms:

# The Greenhouse. This is the first room the kids visit on the tour. It is a gigantic, 19th-century shaped greenhouse, and it hosts only carnivorous plants. Yes, you heard well. You have regular Earth-carnivorous plants, mutated Earth-carnivorous plants, and some alien carnivorous plants. This idea was based on an episode of the French cartoon "My friend Marsupilami" (the episode being called "The Jaws of the Jungle", disponible on Youtube). In this episode, a chewing-gum factory raised carnivorous plants to steal their attractive, sugary and addictive pollen/essence to flavor their candies. Wonka basically does the same - to make his candies attractive and seducing, even addictive, he fills them with the products the plants create to attract their victims.

It is where Augustus Gloop meets his demise. Unable to resist the lure of the carnivorous plants, he gets entirely swallowed by them (in fact he is eaten by the biggest plant around). The devourer is being devoured. Will he get rescued before he gets digested?

# The Laboratory is the second part of the Factory the tour visits. It is here that here is a junction between the two part of the buildings. One side of the Laboratory is like a giant, massive kitchen. The other side is more like a science-fiction laboratory filled with machines, tubes and other robots. This is where Wonka prepares his candies, tries new recipes and tests (plus tastes) his products.

This is the room where both Violet Beauregarde and Marvin Prune meet their demise. Marvin, tired of not having any of his machines and electronic items working properly, steals some "Electrifying candies" (candies originally made to be able to prank people by creating static electricity with your own body or imitating the hand buzzer effect with your mere hand) and swallows them - but he eats too much and has a true electrocution (but it is more like a cartoony electrocution, he ends up all fried and charcoal-like and smoking). As for Violet, she of course takes the Three-Course Meal Gum. Instead of a blueberry transformation, she actually turns into several numerous colors, a true clown or Arlequin: her skin becomes blue (for the blueberry pie), and red (for the tomato sauce), and yellow (baked potatoes) and brown (roast beef)... Her hair too. (This ending fits with her "clown and circus" aesthetic).

At this point, the group leaves the first floor to go to the second one. Since the Factory is shaped as a "flyin saucer" (the candy), it has two levels, one corresponding to the "lower dome" and the other to the "upper dome".

At this point, the group leaves the first floor to go to the second one. Since the Factory is shaped as a "flying saucer" (the candy), it has two levels, one corresponding to the "lower dome" and the other to the "upper dome".it, Wonka offers the kids to try one of his new product not yet released (but completely safe): a special chocolate, designed to taste exactly like the thing you love the most. Elvira and Mike both take one, but they both say it doesn't have any taste (Elvirag because she truly doesn't "love" anything, she merely keeps liking new things every minute, and Mike because he doesn't love anything in this world). To Charlie however, it tastes as a strange mix between his parents' homemade cooking, and regular Wonka chocolate.

# The Squirrels Room. Pretty much identical to the one in the original works. This is where Elvira meets her demise. Since squirrels are of the latest trend, and a popular fashion, she tries to take one away. She ends up thrown down the garbage chute, into the furnace - just like how she discarded all sorts of perfectly good objects or pets just because they weren't popular anymore. And as it turns out, the furnace has just been lit... perfect for rubbish like her.

# The Television Room. Again, identical to the original works. It is another part of the "sci-fi" side of the Factory here.  Mike Teavee ends up in the television, just like in the original book. However, during the teleportation, he actually gets fused with the chocolate bar that was sent at the very same time (a bit like the teleporters in the Fly). As a result, Mike Teavee ends up being made of chocolate - a living chocolate boy. Now he will be forced to hide in the shadows (for the sun may make him melt), never going outside (dirt being unwashable and insects would try to eat him), doing nothing for he may break during sportive events... basically, it actually won't change anything to his life, so it's kind of a perfect win for him. Plus, if he is hungry in front of the television, he will eat a bit of himself as "snack".

# The Candy Landscape. The final part of the tour, what Wonka had intended to be the final piece of this wonderful show. This is basically a Garden of Eden made entirely of candy - just like previous versions. It is actually located in the basement of the Factory, under the ground. It is also where Charlie meets his demise - because yes, in this version Charlie has a "bad end". Basically, his addiction to chocolate gets the best of him and (due to his gluttony and weight) he falls into the chocolate river and nearly drowns (due to not knowing how to swim). He also gets sucked up by the pipes - but I change a bit things here.

In a twist of things, Charlie being a big kid is actually what saves him from getting shredded into fudge. His buoy of fat blocks him in the middle of the pipe, like Augustus, but this is how the Oompa-Loompas and Mr. Wonka are able to save Charlie. If he had been of a normal size, he would have been aspired by the machine and turned into candy.

 OOMPA-LOOMPAS

As mentionned above, the Oompa-Loompas are actually an alien species that came to Earth.

It is unknown exactly how things worked out - but a few Oompa-Loompa families arrived on Earth by mistake, probably after an accident, at the end of the 19th century. They met with Mr. Wonka, who was a young man in his 20s at the time, desperate to escape from his father's burderning inheritance. Wonka offered the Oompa-Loompa protection, assistance, a roof and food in exchange of them helping him create his candy factory. The Factory was built around the Oompa-Loompa broken flying saucer, and they used their technology to help Wonka become the first and most inventive candy maker in the world.

They stayed hidden for roughly fifty years, maybe a bit more. But when the 1950s/1960s came around, they actually had multiplied and couldn't stand being locked away. Something had to be done - and Wonka found the perfect idea. Turn the Oompa Loompas into his Factory workers. As a result they would be free and have something to fill their life - while they worked on their real project, aka creating another flying saucer to go back home.

Three important elements should be noted about the Oompa-Loompas:

1) I decided to base them around the Muppets and other "puppets" from television and children toys, on a suggestion of ArtMakerProductions.

2) Oompa-Loompas are a hierarchy species, naturally obeying to a specific caste system. Back in their home, there are different subtypes and subspecies of Oompa-Loompas, each with a different task and role in society. They vaguely re-adapted this caste system in the Factory, resulting in different "breeds" of Oompa-Loompa with different tasks.

3) The Oompa-Loompa needs candy to survive. Sugar and chocolate are essential elements to their health, and the basis of their diet. That's why they agreed to create a candy Factory for Wonka (and also why they are so gifted with making candies). They eat a lot of candies and sweets everyday - if they don't, they fall sick and may even die of starvation.

There are six different kinds of Oompa-Loompa (just like there are six kids), each playing a different role in the factory (and each based on a different "puppet/toy" influence:

# The Gardeners. They are based on the Fraggle Rocks and Kermit the Frog. They appear as small humanoid with pink or yellow skin, and wild green hair. They are a bit frog like, with no nose, no ears and a strangely shaped mouth (shaped like those of Fraggle Rocks). They are the ones that take care of the plants or the gardens (especially the Greenhouse filled with carnivorous plants). Their "kid correspondance" is Augustus Gloop. Some are also seen as being the "cleaners" of the Factory.

# The Beast-Tamers. These ones are based on the "furry" Muppets, Alf the Alien and other Cookie-Monster like puppets, those entirely covered in fur and looking more like beasts than man. They take care of all the animals in the factory - from the cows to the chocolate-laying Easter bunnies to the squirrels. They appear as almost ape or monke-like beings, covered in a fur usually purple or white, sometimes with a bit of their pink skin revealing. Their kid correspondance is Elvira Entwhistle.  Some of them also work as security guards for the Factory.

# The Cooks. They are the ones making the candies, the treats, the sweets, the cakes, everything. As long as it has a recipe and is edible, they'll do it. They are based on both some ArtMaker's illustrations and on the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. They appear as chubby humanoid, with more developped noses than the other Oompa-Loompas. They have very small eyes, usually hidden by their blue or orange hair (because they don't use much their sight, they rely mostly on touch, smell and taste). Their skin is purple, and their kid correspondance is Violet Beauregarde.

# The Technicians. They are the ones in charge of the machines, of computers and of technology as a whole in the Factory. They are again a mix of some illustrations done by ArtMakerProductions, and of the TrollZ dolls. Basically, they are short green-skinned humanoids with very long, very wild masses of hair (this was also a nod to Einstein and his insane hair). Always white, the hair. They have very big eyes always hidden by very big glasses. Their kid correspondance is Marvin Prune.

# The Doctors. They are the ones taking care of everything health-related - but here's the main trouble. They are Oompa-Loompa doctors, healing and treating the workers of the Factory. They are also the ones healing the injured guests, and making sure the candies are "healthy". The trouble is that Oompa-Loompas don't understand human biology very well, and Oompa biology is really different. This is why for exemple the guests have very "special" treatments - and why despite them claiming the candies to be "healthy", the Wonka treats are just as addictive, fattening, teeth-rotting and sickness inducing as other candies, if not even more. With usually mustard-colored or white skin, they are basically identical in shape to the Cook Loompas (chubby, small eyes) with the only differences being a smaller nose and them being entirely bald. (they are based on Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets). Their kid correspondance is Mike Teavee.

# The Assistants. They are Wonka's assistants and secretaries, the administrative workers, the guides during the tour, etc... Their kid correspondance is Charlie Bucket, and they are based on the "human" shaped Muppets and puppets. They basically look like small humans with a bit of exaggerated traits, and blue skin with pink hair.

Two additional notes about the Oompa-Loompas:

# Due to being "aliens", I decided to change their "songs". As in, after each kid demise they still sing, but not in normal words - they sing in animal sounds. Augustus song is the sounds of pigs and cows. Marvin's is the song of cicadas. Violet's is the singing of exotic birds. Elvira's is the song of whales. Mike's the sound of frogs and toads. Charlie's "song" is the yelp of dog puppies.

# If you are wondering about it, the Oompa-Loompas actually don't have genders. They all look male from far away, or at least gender-neutral, and they can mate with anyone they want, no need for male or female. Their reproduction process is extremely strange - at Valentine's Day, if they want to reproduce they make a batch of baby-shaped chocolates, and their "mate" has to eat them - it has to eat enough so that his belly will become round as a pregnant woman's belly. When Easter come, they lay eggs (chocolate eggs) and the baby devours the egg to get out of it.

Oompa-Loompa normally reproduce inside their own sub-breed or caste. Mating with someone not of your group isn't a usual custom. It is possible however, and "mixed breed" babies can be born. For exemple, if a Gardener and a Technician mate, they can birth a Gardener-shaped Oompa with the colors of a Technician, or a Technician baby but with no nose or ears. Or, if a Cook and a Beast-Tamer mate, they can produce a chubby Beast-Tamer, or a very hairy Cook. However, when the child grows up, his body will adapt to whatever function it takes. For exemple if the very hairy Cook works as a Beast-Tamer, he will quickly lose his chub and see his nose shrink down as his hairiness becomes fur. Or the reverse, if the chubby Beast-Tamer works as a cook, he will see himself lose his fur as his nose will grow bigger.

 ENDING

For the brats:

Ever since he got swallowed by the carnivorous plant, Augustus Gloop seeks revenge. He now only eats vegetables and fruits. He has lot a lost of weight, and suffers from the troubles and sicknesses caused by lack of fish, meat, dairy and non-vegetable products, but he is a prominent fighter for the vegan movement.

Marvin Prune  was left paralyzed by the electrocution, and now really has to rely on electronics to survive, move, speak... But he thinks it is incredibly fancy and cool, so he doesn't mind.

Violet Beauregarde got her wish and became famous thanks to her weird condition - with her multicolored skin, she appeared on several showws about freaky bodies and strange medical conditions. A good thing came out of it though: now she fights against skin-color discriminations. "Equality for all colors", that's her new motto.

Elvira Entwhistle was left half-burned by the fire, with nasty scars. But she was lucky - the new trend of the month was "sympathy for people with burnt scars". She dropped all ideas of trials to sue Wonka and enjoyed her time of fame. But when the fad was gone, she realized bitterly she had officially abandonned all possibilities to attack Wonka.

Mike Teavee still lives sheltered. His life hasn't changed much - the only difference being that his room is now kept at a freezer temperature.

As for Wonka, Bucket and the Loompas, they managed to find together a solution to please everyone.

The Oompa-Loompas finally managed to finish their flying saucer. It wasn't big enough to take all the Oompa-Loompas, but a good part of them managed t return to their native planet.

Charlie Bucket is the heir of Mr. Wonka, he and his family now owning the Factory. Since there are less Oompa-Loompas, Charlie could "hide" them better and re-employ people from the town. He also let a few people of trust learn about the Oompa-Loompa existence, realizing that keeping such a secret alone is nearly impossible and too dangerous. A few Oompa-Loompas still work at the Factory, and the other human employees are under obligation to keep their existence a secret.

Where are the rest of the Loompas? Well, they are working with Charlie on a project of his: making the Wonka candies less unhealthy and help the town get out of its misery. The Oompa-Loompas opened some institutions, shops and other buildings in town, sometimes with the help of trustworthy workers. The Technicians and Beast-Keepers opened sport center and gym complexs. The Cooks opened healthy restaurants. The Gardeners opened small urban farms and organic shops. And the Doctors were sent to human medical and nutrition schools to learn exactly how human body and diet works.

Charlie himself, as well as his family, became healthier, especially since they could afford good food, healthy diet and more sports. Charlie however insisted for keeping a little spare tire around his waist. Partly because he can't get rid of his sweet tooth, but also partly as a reminder that being fat isn't always negative and can even save you if you are sucked up in a glass pipe from a chocolate river.

As for Mr. Wonka, he got his final wish. He was carried with the Oompa-Loompas of the flying saucer. He always wanted to see the Oompa-Loompas original planet before dying.

Bridget Jones: In Company with Beckys and Karens

We can start with unpacking your luggage Bridget, you are gonna need the help but pull your weight into it. 

Hi Bridget, looking good as always. Long time, huh? I guess it has been awkward after I have given your husband Mark a beat down and sent roses to his first ex-wife and your ex supervisor Perpetua. I think it’s time we talk. I understand life hasn’t been easy for you: your mother is nutty and a misogynistic racist, your father is friends with pervs and found it astounding you had a real boyfriend (Colin Jones won’t escape my ire), your friends are trash frankly especially the smug marrieds, you are insecure over a body that actually isn’t really a outlier to the dominant white patriarchal standard of cis female beauty (by the way, have you heard butt implants exist now?), your jerk husband is very negging and in the original novel he “compliments” you by pulling “Not like other girls” on you and all your other boyfriends see you as a piece of ass and don’t respect you, your uncle gropes your ass for how long and his wife pesters you about your body and past singleness. 

But let’s be real Bridget: those wilderness years where you feared becoming a sad spinster were endured in a spacious apartment where your bedroom was separate from the kitchen AND the living room without a roommate (hope I get this lucky), you haven’t wanted for nothing growing up in a affluent and safe town in a single-income family (your dad was also a accountant), you were given blonde hair and blue eyes (traits that have been considered desirable for multiple millenniums), your body was always curvier than you’d like but you had no problem finding a lot of clothes in your size and didn’t have a doctor fat shame you (now smoking and drinking...), I learned from Jameela Jamil that actually Britain of your teens and twenties was a racist time, you got to go to college (granted it was in the University of Wales, which wasn’t “prestigious” enough for Daniel Cleaver) and you got a stable office job at a publishing company that you often fudged (most WOC can’t fuck up like you and thrive in this culture), and you never been in most situations where you didn’t have to look in the media or in the room and find yourself out of place. 

Well now it’s 2020, have you heard of Black Lives Matter? This shitstorm of a year has been forcing us to confront issues regarding the patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy, putting people of privilege to question their own involvement in prejudice, and a highly militarized law enforcement. Has Mark spoke of this to you? I haven’t heard a peep from you and Helen Fielding. I must say, I was glad not to hear either you or Helen say anything transphobic (fuck off JK Rowling). I think you heard of these memes going around called “the Karen” and “the Becky”, you must be wondering what the difference between the two are and was at a loss to counsel your smug married friends or your racist ass mother crying over being called Karens. Here is the trouble, I think you are likely a Becky and have the potential to turn into a Karen, after all you dream of weaponizing your mother’s embarrassing casual racism and thin privilege against Perpetua and Mark Darcy, and you dabbled in the White Savior trope for a hot minute in Thailand (oh and playing an idealized Ivanka Trump to your mother in the 3rd film?). Also let’s face it, you are compared to every confident, capable woman in your universe (surprise they are all bitches) or the non-Anglo British or non-British conquests of Daniel or Mark’s ex wife. 

Let’s talk about the traits of a Karen and Becky and how they are related, Bridget.

Karen

Ah the Karen, or as Tv Tropes called her the “Obnoxious Entitled Housewife”. 

Here is a bullet point of traits the Karen possesses according to The Take:

She’s an entitled, middle-aged, upper or middle class, often White woman.

She mistreats those “beneath her” like wait staff and customer service, classism at it’s most in-your-face and irritating.

She follows the rules, except the part about expired coupons.

She sticks to the hierarchy, using it to prop herself up. 

Often passive-aggressive and judgmental.

She puts up the image of the perfect fragile woman, even if she instigated a crime.

Narcissistic behavior. 

She considers herself the policewoman of human behavior.

She often lacks a understanding of different races and classes.

She projects her own misery on those who cannot fight back against her.

She is often a Know Nothing Know It All.

This probably hits home Bridget, they describe your mother, Auntie Una, and smug married friends. When you look at the news from my country, you tell yourself every time they wonder about your marital status or when you will have children, you are likely keeping them from calling the police on a black kid selling cups of water. But Karen is merely the more outwardly mature version of a trope you definitely fit and her name is....

Becky

Hey Bridget, your hair may not be as shiny as you like but according to a White Supremacist structure, you have “good hair”. You dealt with your literal Beckys Bridget (hi book version Rebecca Gillies), but what “Becky” refers to is to a often ditzy, somewhat entitled, young, white woman who lacks real racial understanding. It refers to how our society props up an image of idealized white femininity, sometimes it bleeds into women not considered “ideal” themselves. 

By the way, the redhead featured is Joan Holloway. She isn’t ditzy like a Becky but her Queen Bee behaviors, her reliance on her pretty privilege, lack of racial understanding, and her adherence to femininity and social climbing make her a modern-day Becky Sharp (also an earlier Becky). 

Remember when you contemplated introducing Mark as “a middle-aged prick who was lefty by his cruel raced ex-wife”? Wasn’t that kind of racist of your Bridget? Not so different from your mother? Here are a few traits:

Becky can be oblivious to her surroundings (and the feelings of others less advantaged than she).

She usually gets away with trouble due to her idealized Anglo looks.

Willfully naïve.

Conventionally feminine.

Often spoiled. 

She and her interests are basic and mainstream (sounds like milk tray, Colin Firth binge fests, shopping, numerous garden parties).

She is often cushioned against disappointment (in the 3rd film we were all supposed to be on your side while your bitchy boss fired you for very good reasons).

Unaware of other’s needs because she is so used to things going her way.

Her ignorance can be just as frustrating and harmful as a Karen’s maliciousness.

Becky is given real growth in fiction, to learn to be better. 

The thing is Bridget....where is your character development? It seems you hardly achieve much confidence, intellect, or maturity. In the 3rd film, I was shocked you were in your forties, I thought I was looking at a overgrown teenager. Perhaps you are a victim of Flanderization?

Karen and Becky

Now we look at how bad things could get if you don’t check your privilege soon enough Bridget, yes a lot of Beckys run the risk of becoming Karens. This is Mother-Daughter pair, Nancy (daughter) and Karen (Mother) Wheeler, I put them because of the connection but they don’t fit the stereotype (despite one of them having the name) but they are privileged white women talking about their shared experiences with misogyny. And most Beckys and Karens had to deal with misogyny, both outside and internalized, the issue being they don’t see how other people had to suffer due to prejudice.

Now Bridget, with your mother, you are a Becky while she was always a Karen. That is you are ignorant about your white privilege while your mother runs on casual racism, ignorance, and Tory politics. Ask her or Mark about the race riots, ask her  and Mark about Enoch Powell. And yes Julie Bindel, a fellow compatriot of yours, complained about the Karen label but honestly it’s scary about how some of your peers chortled over racist jokes or your mother’s antics but get up in arms when people of color in service jobs call ya’ll out. But there are some Karen traits you show already, you will weaponize your place in the pecking order to beat down on another woman, like with Perpetua and Mark’s first ex-wife. 

What does this say about you?

I will be the first to admit, I would’ve jumped up and cheered if I woke up in your body. You are conventionally prettier, but lately I recognized my own points and one of them is flair and the ability to read folks. Believe it or not Bridget, you are seen as a role model and a relatable figure to folks (and your last film ran on Millennial bashing, hating on younger women is not a good look). Maybe these Zoomer teens were on to something? Bridge, they will save us, we need to do the work. 

Now maybe you can take a cue from Dr. Rawlings on how to support and critique women Bridget? In the meantime, I think if I run into you, I’ll run if I see your mother. 

Not all is lost, I see you are a reader, maybe put down the self-help books and do some self-improvement by learning how to be a better white ally. I would like to read Hood Feminism (Mikki Kendall is a delight on Twitter). Meanwhile, if you do release a 4th movie in the future: don’t release it during a U.S. election year (I have had enough right wing presidents to last my teens and twenties).  

Irrelevant to the ask, but what is your opinion on Jhonen's comics?

Hey, don’t even worry about being irrelevant to the ask. Anyone can ask me anything at anytime. Not gonna lie, sometimes I post ask games when I’m feeling down, simply because they kinda help fend off Sad Gorl Hours™ 

Anyway, on the actual question. It’s a pretty broad one! Jhonen has worked on more than just Invader Zim, and I definitely respect his other work. Especially his early work. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, I Feel Sick, etc. all have that darkness and wicked sense of black humor that he is so well known for. 

I will admit, though, that I only own JtHM, and I have not finished reading it. I bought the director’s cut years ago at a comic shop at the prompting of a friendly store clerk, and I’ve kind of read it on and off since then. I hate to admit it, but I’ve had kind of a hard time getting into it. Trust me, I absolutely admire it for what it is; I love JV’s art style and his writing. I’m hoping I’ll come back around someday. In the meantime, all I can say is that I definitely respect and admire the artistry (both written and drawn) that went into this era of his work. 

As for the Invader Zim comics, I believe I wrote an entire post maybe a year or so ago that went into depth on what I did and didn’t like about them. I feel like they are really hit or miss. Sometimes I finish reading, and feel disappointed. Some of the comics leave something to be desired, at least in my humble opinion. Other times, I feel an almost nostalgic connection between the comics and the show.

On the whole, though, I feel like the comics don’t capture the same magic that made the show a cult classic. To me, the show hit all the right notes. The constant misanthropic undertones, the dark humor, the art style, the music, the (unintentionally) complex characters… I just love it all. The comics don’t seem to have that same charm to me. They’re a little more goofy, some of the plots feel rather anticlimactic, and the main characters seem to fall victim to flanderization far too often. 

Again, though, what I have written is nothing more than my opinion. To anyone reading this who disagrees with said opinions: please don’t come after me with pitchforks or send me death threats. If you enjoy the comics, that’s awesome. Keep enjoying them.

Thanks again for the ask! 

Blupjeans

For this meme

UHUHUHU YES!!!!!

When I started shipping them: I feel like Griffin was pretty good about keeping their relationship under wraps for most of the Stolen Century up until the big reveal at the Legato recital, but I did start to think they would be cute together when they had their little moment during the beach ep!

My thoughts: They are SO! FUCKING! PURE!!! Just…in every single one of their canon interactions you can tell that they are truly BEST friends in addition to lovers and know each other like the back of their hands and their love is just so genuine. GOD!!!

What makes me happy about them: Listen. It’s a relationship between a stunning, immensely powerful elf woman who lives science and a grody middle-aged science man and it spans decades of them getting to know and love each other. They are LICHES who tether themselves to the mortal realm BY THE STRENGTH OF THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER. WHAT is not to like.

What makes me sad about them: Sometimes I think about times during the Stolen Century when one of them died and came back as a lich but couldn’t touch or physically comfort the other and I get very :’( about it.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I feel like these are two characters that can be easy to flanderize if you’re not careful, and I’m not about that. I don’t like it when Barry’s whole personality is being awkward and shy, especially if he acts that way around Lup after they’ve been together for awhile–like, they would’ve gotten so comfortable with each other after all that time and that’s what’s so sweet about them!

Things I look for in fanfic: SHOW ME THEM BEING DOMESTIC!!! Also, in fics that detail their early relationship, tbh? I love it when Lup is written as flustered and nervous in her own way! I don’t find it OOC–instead I think it heightens how interested she is in him, since it’s hard as hell to get her nervous! I think that shit’s adorable.

My wishlist: Yo can I just like. See more of them as reapers on the job? Catching evil necromancers. Falling more in love every day. Kissing in front of the scorched body of one of their victims. All that jazz. Idk I just want More.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: As I said before, I do like Lupcretia, though mostly I like the idea of them during the Stolen Century or else a threesome between Lup, Barry, and Lucretia. 

My happily ever after for them: I just…have this image in my mind of perfect domesticity with the two of them, like Barry in his spare time singing along quietly to dad rock in the kitchen and Lup coming up behind him and just listening and smiling and finding it so adorable. They’re an old married couple who fall more and more in love as time goes on.

Bless you for this ask.

So here’s some quick thoughts on PQ2 after getting to the second boss. There’s a minor spoiler for P5, but one that is totally obvious.

1. This feels much harder than the first one, I died like 4 times against the first boss, and I don’t think I lost until the final boss in PQ1.

2. The characters feel much more in character than they did last time around. While I’m gonna have to wait for Akihiko so far the two biggest victims of flanderization (Chie and Teddie) have been massively toned down. Sure Teddie’ll hit on girls and Chie mentions meat, but that’s not their sole personality trait this time.

3. I think Haru has actually had more lines in this game than she does in P5 vanilla.

4. I’m already getting a bit overwhelmed with the size of the party, and I haven’t even met the P3 crew yet.

5. There’s not enough slots for set party formations to include every party member and that upsets me.

6. So far Hikari seems significantly less interesting than ReiZen, but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. Tho Nagi has the stench of an “evil” SMT character written all over her design. Like, she actually looks like a combination of Angel and one of the Lilith designs.

7. While the battle music’s great nothings grabbed me quite as hard as Laser Beam, and I find the dungeon music to not be the best thing in the world.

8. The apparent removal of social events is a bit sad, but the bits in between special screenings are very charming.

9. It kinda sucks that the game doesn’t give you a light user until Naoto shows up, but what are you gonna do, right?/s

10. But actually tho the Phantom Thieves better tell someone that Akechi’s a mass murderer at some point or I’m gonna lose my shit. I might actually puke once they give Naoto and Akechi a unison attack like I know they’re going to.

11. No dubbing really sucks but I got used to it after awhile. It’s understandable why they didn’t dub, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall the game seems like an improvement over 1 and I’d recommend anyone who’s a fan of Person to pick the game up.

“Manila in The Claws of Light” review and analysis

"Manila in The Claws of Light” was a 1975 Filipino drama directed by Lino Brocka tackling the difficult lifestyle of poor Filipinos, in particular, the life and misfortunes of Bembol Roco’s character, Julio. 

If you were to look up the political background and beliefs of Lino Brocka, it is plain to see that he wanted to send a message to his audience through this film. A message about social justice and the true-to-life cruel reality that our main character, Julio and many other victims of the over-consumerist culture and sexual deviants that Metro Manila had at the time (and still has to this day); the abuse that people of power do to the poor and desperate, as we see from how the poor laborers are taken advantaged from by the fat, greedy overseer at the start of the film.

These were and are depressing realities that plenty of Filipinos face day-to-day and what Brocka was trying to show us, to try to get us to find a way to stop these injustices and make better of our country as a whole. 

And at the end of the film, I think was an accurate example of what happens when a person takes justice to their own hands; where Julio, now at his absolute lowest point, avenges the death of his love and is punished for it by the people around him. Not even giving any thought of what was going on around them, they attack based on their basic instincts. This is what I thought was the most real part of the film because it’s exactly what our world is; an unjust, chaotic plain polluted with mere bystanders that only react at an event rather than rationalize it first. 

Was Julio right for avenging the death of Ligaya? Yes but mostly no. If there were any real justice in this world, he would’ve gone to the police and reported his suspicions and left it with them to deal with. But this isn’t a world filled with justice. Even if Julio went to the police he wouldn’t have any proof that would lead to anything. He too is just a mere bystander, acting on his basic instincts of violence just as the people around him were. 

That being said, a sad reality doesn’t mean that a person can’t rise from it and better themselves. Take for example the hard work that Imo, one of the construction workers; studying under his own expenses despite the difficult situation he’s in and at the end, reaps the rewards that he has worked for. Leaving Julio and some of his fellow construction workers to feel jealous as we see in the film. 

I also liked how no one in this film is neither purely a good nor a bad person. Because in real life there is no ‘good or bad’. In most films we watch, we are shown two sides; the flawless heroes who save the day and evil villains who cause terror and dismay. There always has to have this unreal dichotomy; a “black and white” but in “Manila in The Claws of Light” we aren’t shown that. Rather we are presented with each character having their own set of flaws and good morals within them. 

Not many films have deep characters and I think that writing up a complex character without the risk of Flanderization is the hardest part of writing. And the writers of this film tried to do so, but if it were not for the sub-par acting job that the actors have done, they would’ve been convincing and complex. 

Apart from its cultural messages, I think that the way the film was shot, in terms of editing, framing, cinematography, lighting, etc were similar to the way Akira Kurosawa, and in some degree, Orson Wells films were shot; the intentionally dark and barely lit scenes to differentiate minor characters from the important ones and/or to add emphasis on a specific item in a scene (as seen in both Wells and Kurosawa films), as well as the use of quick transition cuts that is seen in plenty of Kurosawa films 

But one thing I would like to note is that what differentiates Kurosawa’s editing from Brocka’s is that Kurosawa would typically briefly linger at the end of a scene before transitioning and that he would usually cut from a static, quiet shot to one with plenty of movement and background ambient noise - Kurosawa does this in order to aid the audience to differentiate each scene, a technique that I believe could’ve made “Manila in the Claws of Light” a little less cluttered and confusing.

One scene that was nicely cinematographically composed, in my opinion, was the scene where the construction workers were talking about how “taiwan’ works; the camera angles and characters in-frame would change in scale, a technique that directors use to show who’s in “control” of a scene or dialogue or moment.

Overall, I think that this film has its flaws, mainly in terms of the technical side of things as well as the acting but when it comes to story, it’s good. We feel each character’s situation as if they were real, as if they were biopics based on actual real people. And given that this film was made at a time when you could barely make a film at all without the government shutting you down, it’s great. A true Filipino classic that we can all celebrate for its complex story and, at the time, believable performance. 

2.5 / 5.0 

A speech by HRH The Duchess of Cornwall at the 500 Words competition, broadcast on BBC Radio 2

Before I say a few words on a happier note, - I'm sure all of you here today would like to join me in sending our heartfelt thoughts and prayers to the victims, their families and friends, who were so tragically involved in the horrific fire in North Kensington.

Now I suspect, Ladies and Gentlemen, that you never thought you'd be sent to The Tower of London… but here we are today! And if you've read the 'Horrible Histories' you'll know that, in the old days, it was usually a one-way ticket!

As I look round at the happy faces today, I think I can safely say that we are all very excited to be within these historic walls.  Chris Evans and the team at BBC Radio 2 have planned yet another amazing extravaganza to celebrate the final of this magical 500 Words competition, and as I was cast as its ancient Fairy Godmother I'm hoping that there's still a little bit of magic floating around…  

But we don't really need extra magic… look where we are!  The Tower of London is such a famous landmark and such a powerful symbol of London.  It has even featured in episodes of Dr. Who – though you don't need a tardis to be a time traveller here.

Even the names of the buildings around us are dripping with history; The Bloody Tower, Traitors Gate and The Waterloo Block to name but a few.

Places like this tell their own stories and speak to us about the people who lived and died within these walls, which sometimes can awaken lost memories, illuminating the past…

From the time of William the Conqueror, the Tower of London has inspired a plethora of incredible stories.  There are so many tales from the past – like the mysterious disappearance of the Princes in the Tower, or the polar bear, given to King Henry III by The King of Norway.  It must have been an extraordinary sight to see it swimming in the Thames catching fish for its supper!  And I won't even begin to tell you about the ghosts…

There is even a tale behind the sea of poppies which gradually filled the moat in 2014.  I'm sure some of you will remember how spectacular it looked and how shocking it was to realise that each one of those poppies stood for a serviceman who died in the First World War.  But the idea for the work came completely by chance.  Researching old war records, the artist came across an unknown poem.  Reading the opening line 'The blood swept lands and seas of red' he found both the inspiration and the title of his work.  It's very moving that the words of a soldier, who died fighting in Flanders, should have inspired such a powerful memorial which millions of people queued to see.

But today is all about your stories.  I've read some of the brilliant ones that you have written this year, so I know that a rainbow of different ideas has stimulated your imaginations.  I'm sure you all know, better than me, that inspiration can play tricks on you.  One day you can sit for hours and wait in vain… and the next it can come straight out of the blue.  It might begin with your own memories… happy or sad, or snatches of overheard conversations, or even glimpses of people brought to life by visiting places, drenched in history, like this.

Wherever you find your inspiration, in the past, present or future, I'm thrilled you love writing.  Your stories are brimming with ideas, and fizzing with energy, and hopefully encouraging others, who are listening today, to follow your example.

Now I know we are all on tenterhooks to hear the Gold winning stories, but before we do, I just want to congratulate all the talented young writers who entered this year's competition and to thank Chris Evans for masterminding it once again.  Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, let's be thankful that our ticket to The Tower of London is a return one so we can all leave today with our heads still on our shoulders!

Thank you very much.