#vash: well it doesn't look like a custard filled one. Obviously. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dozenssporks · 10 months

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*the video opens with a distant shot of Vash laying in the shade of a sand dune making a ‘snow’ angel*

Wolfwood, speaking from behind the camera: there he is, ladies and gents, the most feared outlaw in the tri-state area

Vash: only that infamous? my ratings have dropped.

Wolfwood slowly zooms in until it’s a close up of Vash’s face as he stares at the sky: you’ve been laying there for, like, an hour. Don’tcha have anything to do, you lazy bum?

Vash: I am contemplating. The life. The Universe. The everything. That cloud looks like a jelly doughnut. Now shush.

the shot slowly zooms out again and wolfwood whispers: I am bored out of my mind so I am going to do something drastic. Ready? Okay. *raising his voice* Hey, needle-noggin! What’s your opinion of America’s public transport system?

Vash, sitting bolt upright in a shower of sand: it’s The Worst! It’s patchy, incomplete, inconsistent! There are hundreds and hundreds of desolate miles where the only option is a car because nobody bothered to put a train there. Do you know what that means when you can’t drive? It means you walk! My boots have racked up more miles than a soccer mom’s SUV--

Wolfwood, whispering again: and off he goes . . .

^Vash gets up and begins to march around, waving his arms dramatically to emphasize his points or express his frustration. The camera calmly follows him back and forth. There are several cuts so Vash’s ranting jumps from point to point and country to country, a timer in the corner of the screen records how long he’s been talking, more than twenty minutes. The smooth dune becomes a a churning sea of footprints*

Vash, pointing sharply: --and that’s why England’s railway--!

Wolfwood, suppressing giggles: what about, dunno, Italy?

Vash: Italy, well, I got pick-pocketed on public transport there actually

Wolfwood: for real? someone picked the humanoid typhoon’s pocket?

Vash: yeah--oh! That reminds me, hang on!

*Vash dives forward, sliding to a stop at his destination on his knees. He pulls open his bag and rifles through the contents. Odds and ends spill out and a couple odd shirt-sleeves are trailing in the sand before he pulls out a wallet*

Vash: so um *pulls an id card out of the wallet and glances at it* Drusilla Zuccaro if you are watching this I’m sorry I took your wallet and forgot to give it back and forgot I still had it until just now. It was going to be a great bit where you thought you’d got my wallet but I’d got yours and I’d give it back and we’d laugh and you’d turn over a new leaf and never pick-pocket again. I, uh, kinda had to hoof it due to various misunderstandings and it slipped my mind. I’d offer to send it back to you but it’s been, uuhhh, five months? You’ve probably got a new id and stuff by now . . .

Wolfwood, voice shaking with suppressed laughter: there wasn’t any cash?

Vash, looking sideways: . . . it was only maybe fourteen euros and a guy on the run has gotta eat, you know

Wolfwood: vash the stampede committing petty theft? you disgust me

Vash, on his knees, hands pressed together: Scusami tanto, ti chiedo scusa dal profondo del cuore. Sono mortificato, chiedo scusa.

Wolfwood: yeah, yeah, so what are you gonna do about it?

Vash, sadly and a little sulky: Ti rimborserei ma non ho soldi

Wolfwood: Imma take a wild guess and say you’re saying you’re broke

Vash, muttering and drawing circles in the sand: sì

Wolfwood: you’re a total deadbeat you know that, spiky?

Vash, throwing himself down into the sand, tears streaming down his face: leave me and my deadbeat feelings to die

Wolfwood: want some absolution?

Vash: keep your stupid little confession box away from me! Didn’t you hear me? I have no money! I’m already in debt!

*Vash continues to weep noisily as the camera pans over the dunes and setting sun*

Wolfwood: that was fun. next time I’m gonna ask him about, um, types of socks maybe. This is where I’d ask you to like and subscribe but y’all know we don’t work like that. Otherwise we’d be scamming you for donations and ol’ needle-noggin here would have money for bus fare. Buh-bye.

*video ends*

#trigun #trigun on the run au #trigun modern au #a dozen sporks speaks #ww: how can you tell the cloud is specifically a jjelly doughnut #vash: well it doesn't look like a custard filled one. Obviously.#this nonsense makes me smirk to myself at work and that's all that matters #trigun snippets

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