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jimilter · 1 year

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the odds on us | k.th. (m)

It would all be easier if you just believed in fate; you could say meeting him was destiny and the odds of fate were just against your union. Too bad you don't. Too bad it was Taehyung that wasn't serious about your future. Too bad he won't leave you alone even a year after your break-up. Too bad you want to kiss him when you have a date with someone else tonight. Too bad you're still in love with him.

pairing: taehyung x reader

rating: m (18+)

genre: angst | smut | fluff | exes to lovers!au | slice of life!au

word count: 15.5 k

— warnings: swearing + mentions of: alcohol, gambling, criminal associations + a lil emotional breakdown + some crying + some toxic behavior from their past + kim tae’s duality :] + explicit sexual situations (dom!tae, sub!reader, thigh riding, oral (f.&m.), vaginal fingering, hand kink, fingers kink? (yn is obsessed w his fingers and want to swallows them 🧍‍♀️), size kink, breast play, cum play, creampie, marking, overstimulation, forced orgasm, choking, dirty talk, endless teasing, restraints, unprotected penetrative sex, spit kink (???), Monster Cock Tae™) + they’re both idiots if you squint :)

— note: so ash decided we shall all cry on tae's birthday, everyone good with that? good. (: lmaO there’s way too much smut in this to make up for it, dw! :>

this fic started off for the ny22 fest i and @knjsnoona hosted last year, but i dropped the idea bec it wasn’t angsty enuff. this was at 5k tho, so i decided to finish it up for tae day instead of scrapping it <3 also, she might not even remember it, but the credits for naming this baby go to my precious soybean, @missgeniality thanks a bunch, honeybunch 🥺

hope you guys like this! pls leave me some feedback~💜

submission for the December Games hosted by House Taeros.

❂ Nightmare Before Christmas ⁂ Hosted by: Professor Bee @inkedtae through @bangtansorciere

⤐ AU Type: Spiral Hills - Exes to Lovers ⤐ Themes: New Beginnings | Slice of Life ⤐ Kinks: Breath Play, Bondage, Hand Kink, Thigh Riding, Oral Fixation, Finger Sucking, Cum Play, Overstimulation

— masterlist | taglist | feedback?

It’s a Saturday night, this New Year’s eve – stepping into the new year with a lazy Sunday feels symbolic of the kind of year you’re gonna have, to be honest – which has caused traffic to be moving at a snail’s pace, tonight, because crowds of regular partygoers are combined with New Year’s partygoers and literally the entire city is on the streets. Which would suck a normal amount on a normal night when you returned from work, but it sucks especially bad tonight, because you’re in a hurry to get home.

You have to get ready for a date. Something you haven’t done in a really long while and are half afraid you’ve forgotten how to.

It is with struggle that you get off the bus on the corner of your street, given how many people want to push in through every door to board the transport, and you stumble a few steps until you have righted yourself and are walking down the couple of houses that separate you from your apartment building. Your handbag is heavy with a gorgeous necklace that your date gifted you when you were leaving work, having adorably run two floors down his department to say goodbye to you, alongwith the promise of your first official date, tonight.

A part of you feels hopeful about the prospect of you finally stepping into the world of romancing again. But another part…

You stop yourself from thinking too much. Nothing good can come out of reminiscing the bygones. Your past experiences bear no impact on what will become of your future. You have been very happy – and then you have been very sad. You're mostly numb now, aware of both the highs and lows of love.

Shaking your head at yourself, you instead focus on thinking up accessories to pair with your burgundy, plunging neckline wrap dress, now that you already have a necklace to accompany it. You also have a gorgeous black velvet coat that would pair up great with it.

A sense of foreboding suddenly rushes your way out of nowhere, but you push it away. No room for second thoughts, now. This date is a good idea – you’re gonna feel great once you’re at the restaurant.

Quickly stepping in and out of shower, you’re still in your bathrobe, blow-drying your hair, when your doorbell rings.

A mini heart-attack renders you immobile for a moment, but then you look at the clock to find it minutes past seven o’clock. You are to leave at eight. Your date cannot possibly be this early.

Your breath of relief is very, very quickly stolen from you, though, when you realize two things at once – one, it’s the fourth Saturday of the month; and two, your earlier sense of foreboding has its roots in muscle memory.

Even when your mind was far removed from the thought, your anxiety knew to kick in right on time. God.

"Good evening!" The wide, boxy grin that meets your scowl when you open the front door is as shameless as it is every month.

Your groan follows like clockwork, too, just as your eyes ignore the waves of his soft hair that have grown and the way his shoulders fill out the black and white Fila sweatshirt he wears with practiced ease as well. Kim Taehyung can force his way into the room where he's left his stuff behind, but you forbid him any access to your heart anymore.

You give the guy a disappointed shake of your head. "It’s literally packed out there tonight, couldn’t you skip this nuisance for once, Kim?"

“Uh, this isn’t a nuisance, hello?” He has the audacity to sound offended. “Besides, I needed something urgently, so…” He trails off, looking you up and down with a curious stare. “Why are you in a… robe? Were you showering? At this hour? Why? Going somewhere? What—”

“None of it is any of your business.” You purse your lips. “I came back from work, I’m showering. Maybe I have engagements, maybe not. None of it involves you.”

His eyebrows shift and forehead tightens, and you resolutely ignore the way his worried eyes still manage to soften your glare. “Only asking as a concerned friend.”

“You’re not—”

“You shouldn't be opening the door in a bathrobe,” he speaks over you, gaze changing shades as it trails down to your collarbones and then runs down your exposed legs. “What if someone came here with malicious intent?”

The sudden sizzling heat that melts his brown irises is a declaration of his own malicious intent enough. Your eyes catch his elegant fingers braced on the doorjamb and it takes a very strong effort by your willpower to not imagine them touching you in the most intimate ways. It's harder because you don't really have to imagine, only just recall.

Swallowing past your suddenly dry throat, you rip your gaze off of your arguably most favorite part of his anatomy and stifle your bodily reactions by reminding yourself of how wrong it is for you to feel this way especially today. Channeling the frustration you feel, you shoot him a glare.

“You’re literally the only person that bothers me on the last Saturdays of the month, religiously ruining my weekend.”

His cheek ticks up, annoyingly attractive, tongue escaping to flick at his lower lip, admitting distracting. “So you do wait for me. Knew it.”

“Did you not hear the ruining my weekend part?”

“Your weekend nights consist of eating Rocky-Road from the tub and re-watching dumb Marvel TV series.” He gives a snort. “I’m hardly ruining anything, here.”

You kinda wanna slap him for being a smartass. You kinda wanna kiss him because it is so hot. You also kinda wanna go back in time and undo some of your actions that led him to find these things out about you. Because he is not wrong and you hate that all the more.

You also hate yourself for how naively you handled things after your breakup, too. You should have talked to your landlady about redoing your lease deed for the rest of the eighteen months with just your name. She is a nice lady, she might have understood. And you should have thrown all of Taehyung’s boxes out, the week after he left. What were you thinking telling him it was okay if it took him a while to get all his stuff? His definition of ‘a while’ has extended up to a year, this visit being a week after the one-year mark of your separation that happened last Christmas.

You’re pretty sure he realizes that you aren’t wholly unaffected by his monthly visits to your place, and exploits the knowledge to its full potential by sending you unnecessarily dark and lingering glances when he knows you can catch him looking. You don't even wanna think about what he would do if he knew you still think of the mind-blowing orgasms he used to give you, when you curl up with your hands between your legs; your hands that are so much less rewarding than his, with your shorter fingers and softer palm. He has been trying to woo you since literally a month after you kicked him out. Resisting him is physically and emotionally painful.

It's pitiful how a part of you fills you up with guilt upon having Taehyung grin at you with all of his teeth right as you’re about to get ready and go have dinner with a man that is not him.

It leaves you with an unsteady feeling inside of your head. Even though it has been a year. Even though it was you that ended things with Taehyung. But then, maybe it is the fact that you were the one to end things that bothers you so much. You essentially broke the guy’s heart even if he broke your trust first.

You wonder if he is affected by these visits at all, or if this is just a game for him.

You blink, realizing you have brought on a pounding headache by thinking the exact thoughts you always want to hide away from. Sighing, you shake your head in a very late response to his quip about how you spend your weekends.

He doesn’t wait for you to let him in, as per usual, and shoves his way into your apartment with those broad shoulders of his.

You still try to put up a weak protest, "Listen, I am busy tonight, so make a quick work of—"

"I won’t take long, babe, I never take long!" he sing-songs, throwing a grin at you over his shoulder. "Do I?"

Why do you come at all? Why not take your forty-seven boxes and leave me the fuck alone? You wanna ask, but you don’t.

You never do.

What you do is grudgingly shut the door, and thump your forehead against its hardwood.

This is gonna be hard. Because Taehyung has been in your apartment for all of three minutes, and you’re already starting to dread tonight’s date more than you’re looking forward to it. Maybe it is because you really don’t wanna tell your ex about it but will be forced to if he eats up more of your time and you have to rush him. Or maybe, it is because of reasons that shouldn’t even be there, with the anger you still hold in your heart for him even after more than a year.

You hate yourself for feeling this way, too, because it is unfair. Daniel from HR is a handsome, kind and decent guy – it is so unfair for you to dread spending an evening with him when he has been a gentleman to you for months. Even your supervisor flashed you a thumbs-up when she witnessed Daniel giving you that necklace and your responding blush. You should be happy you are going on a date with such a nice guy, dammit!

But some hidden, despicable part of you doesn’t even want to think of the events that await you tonight when you look at Taehyung. And it's horrible – pathetic, embarrassing, ugly – for you to have such thoughts after everything you’ve done to the two of you. If it wasn’t for you, you and him would still be together. You decided you were not good for each other. You kicked him out of your heart and your house.

You don’t get to look at him with any hope anymore.

Parting ways from him was important, right? He wasn’t unfaithful in his commitment, after all, he had just lied to you about his professional affiliations. Maybe "professional affiliations" is too light a term to use for the hole of gambling he fell into, lying to your face when you would ask him about it. Parting ways from him was important. It was. Furthermore, it has been a year. You should have already made peace with it.

So why haven’t you?

Well, you sort of have. For the most part, if you ignore your desperate calls for his name while you're chasing a high.

It is only when Taehyung shows up and forces you to interact with his gorgeous eyes and sultry voice and sexy hands and…and all his quirks that you had taken your time memorizing, that your resolve falters and you are sent back into contemplation of whether you did the right thing.

God.

What a mess.

Drudging in after him, you lean against your kitchen counter while he walks into the room that used to be your shared bedroom when he lived here. You've long since moved into the spare room that used to be his studio where he practiced scenes for his acting auditions, or when he got a gig, every once in a blue moon. Heavy sounds of the cardboard boxes being dragged around and packing tape being ripped open echo about the otherwise empty room, grating on your braincells and making you want to tear your own hair out.

Kim Taehyung is a real pain in your ass. He makes you wish you could physically block people in real life.

God. If only you’d known what you thought was beautiful happenstance will one day come to this.

You met him two years back when the two of you were stood up by your respective dates at a restaurant. It felt like a lucky coincidence at that time, and you both believed your meet-cute to be fate and spent the rest of the night together, roaming around the city, sharing milkshakes and talking. You came to know he was an acting school graduate who had just quit his team at a local theatre and was going through auditions for cinema and ad films. You were intrigued, amazed, and to be honest, more than a little enchanted by his beauty. A nine-to-five worker yourself, his eccentric choice of career felt like a breath of fresh air to you, turning your boring days bright and springy once you two started dating.

Until – it was a year later and he was still going through auditions with no permanent source of an income. If he ever earned anything, at all. With the both of you crossing your mid-twenties and soon to be of the age where you would start to plan your future, family and other things, his instability worried you very much. When you eventually brought it up with him, he ambiguously told you he would get more small-term contracts and change things around.

That was when, out of nowhere, notes started to roll in. And you foolishly believed all the lies Taehyung would tell you when he would bring home money, every other week. It was cash and it wasn't even regular, but you took his explanation about it coming from small acting gigs as sensible.

How did you not suspect something was off? Still escapes you. Maybe you were so desperate for a trace of stability and insurance in your rickety life that you just took whatever you got without a second thought.

God, you were so right to not believe in fate. Look where an accidental meet-up had landed you in three years.

“Is this my t-shirt?”

Taehyung’s shrill call jolts you out of your regretful thoughts from the past, and you roll your eyes, walking into the room he is in.

The sight that greets you has you momentarily freezing in your spot, before you gather your wits and rake up enough confidence to level your gaze with him.

“What?” you enunciate blandly, despite having full knowledge of the what – along with the why, the how, and the since when that he may follow with.

Taehyung’s elegant fingers have, hanging from their pinched grasp, a t-shirt – one of his t-shirts. One of his t-shirts that you use as a night shirt, to be very specific.

In spite of having known him for as a friend and as a lover, you still cannot fully read the clouded look in his questioning eyes when he asks, “Why do you have my t-shirt?” without preamble, voice low and gaze a little bit lost.

Your fingers bunch up into a fist, disguising as an anchor to ground you. "I… wear it?" Wow, are you questioning him? You reiterate with more conviction, and emphasise, “I wear it.”

His eyebrows hike up. "You wear…" He looks down at the nearly tattered piece of fabric, twirling it around to grimace at its withered condition. "You wear this rag?"

Your ears, already warm at this entire confrontational conversation, feel like they've been set on fire at the confession you have been forced to make.

"I…" You look away and cross your arms against your chest to put forward a composed front. Your fingers are trembling and sweat droplets are running down your neck. "I wear it to bed."

Taehyung gives an audible gasp at this, and now you just want the ground to swallow you up. Embarrassment colors your face red hot.

"You wear… you still wear my t-shirt to bed?" he confirms, looking at you in awe.

He looks nothing short of a lost puppy, gazing at you with big, sparkling eyes and rounded lips. Your earlier embarrassment is immediately replaced by unbridled affection that bleeds from your heart and is pumped into your body with a melancholic thrum.

You swallow the lump that rapidly forms in your throat, pursing your lips to not let yourself be lost in a world of nostalgia.

No.

You left him for a reason. And he never even fought for you, did he? No.

He lied to your face when you talked to him about settling into a stable job. He never even intended to come clean, did he? No.

He got into gambling when you needed him to get serious about your future together.

Did he even want a future with you?

You don't know.

"Right now I kinda wish I'd burnt all the stuff you left behind," you mutter, twisting your lips in a sneer, and release a subtle breath of relief when Taehyung's expressions morph from adoration to mischief – you can take him being a shameless flirt; you can't deal with the guy whose heart you broke. "If only," you continue, "to save myself from you knocking at my door every damn month."

He raises a teasing eyebrow, rolling back on his heels to scoff at you. "That doesn't answer my quest—"

"It's comfy, okay?" You roll your eyes and look away from his cocky smirk. "And threadbare. And really cosy, so shut up. Can you stop snooping and grab whatever you want, already?"

“You’re really in a rush today,” he observes, head tilted back and eyes slightly narrowed at you. “Where did you say you were going, again?”

“I didn’t.”

Your blank stare is unwavered even when his slowly deepening smirk sears the lining of your stomach. You are willing to throw up the butterflies in your stomach, if it comes to that, but you won’t let him have the upper hand with all his damn seduction tactics. You already know this sight is going to haunt your sleepless nights for weeks.

“What the heck are you looking for today, anyway?” you challenge him with a ticked eyebrow, surprised when his smug face turns startled in a flash. This time, you are the one that smirks. “What? Didn’t think this through, for once?”

His eyelids flutter and irises jump around the sclera – as if he’s looking for an escape in his surroundings. “Um. It’s… uh… My – my Zippo..."

"Your what?" You blink, clueless.

"My Zippo." He makes a gesture with his hand, closing the fist with a thumbs-up at you and then knocks the thumb over the top of his closed knuckles twice. "A windproof pocket lighter... my grandmother got me... from America?"

...what?

He’s got to be fucking kidding you.

You stare at him. “A pocket lighter.”

He nods.

“That your grandmother gifted you.”

He audibly and visibly swallows, but nods again. Your eye twitches.

“And she bought it from America.”

“Uh…” He looks up at the ceiling. “Yes?”

“Are you asking me?”

“No?”

“Kim Taehyung, I swear to God—”

“Hey, help me find it and I’ll be out of your hair!”

“What the—how? It's not even real, you obviously just made it up!”

He looks appalled at your hiss, bracing both his arms on his waist. “It very much is real.”

“No, it’s not!” You brace your arms on your own waist to mirror him. “Your grandmother’s never been to America!”

“Well…” He scratches the back of his head and finally loosens his shoulders in a shrug. "Yeah no, she hasn't."

“I’m going to kill you,” you declare, ready to launch an attack on him, only stopping when he raises both his palms up in surrender.

“Wait, wait! Maybe she got someone else to buy it, come on!” He actually, physically, stomps his feet. “At least let me look for it?”

You have no idea why an old woman would give her grandson an expensive, imported windproof lighter when he doesn't even smoke. But that, apparently, won't deter Taehyung from ripping your spare room and then the living room apart to look for it. As if you would open his boxes to thieve off a damn lighter, even if it actually existed.

It has been more than half an hour of him jumping around the entire space when he finally returns to your curled up self on the living room couch. Good thing he does, too, because you've only got twenty minutes to spare to dress up.

“I can't find it,” is his declaration.

You groan in mental pain. “Obviously you can’t because it doesn't exist. But now that you’ve overstayed your welcome and nearly ruined my plans for the evening, would you mind leaving? Or would you rather be a huger asshole and stay for dinner?”

Taehyung’s eyes are lined with mirth when you look at him, only becoming clearer and calmer when your deadpan doesn’t deter.

He finally gives a sigh, running a hand through his gorgeous turf of dark hair and sits on the couch a few feet away from you.

“Did I really ruin your evening plans? I’m sorry, I didn't intend to…”

His concerned frown makes it look like he really didn't and that confuses you. Because where was this concern and understanding when you kept telling him that your overtime was draining you but you couldn't stop because you needed to make savings if you were gonna move into a bigger apartment together? When you hoped he would take your life together more seriously and contribute to it with more than just his dick?

It shouldn't be surprising how quickly disdain and anger fills you.

Looking at him with nothing short of embers raining from your angry glare, you scoff loudly with a humourless chuckle. "You didn't intend to? Please. Why pretend you care now, when you didn't when it mattered? When it was about our future? About the life we could've had together?"

A thousand shades wash over his face – ranging from shock to anger until he finally settles with something that looks a lot like the pain you have felt in his absence every single day, but refuse to let yourself admit to.

His voice is quiet and timid when he mumbles, “I didn't… It wasn't my intention to make it seem like I didn't care about our future… I always cared."

"As if I'm gonna believe that.” You shake your head.

He is about to say something when your phone rings on the seat between the two of you. Both of your pairs of eyes catch Daniel's name at the same time, and you can almost physically feel the air around you turning crispy with tension.

"Da-ni-el," Taehyung enunciates, throwing the syllables out as if they taste sour in his mouth. "Is this your evening plan that I almost ruined?"

You ignore his remark and receive the call, putting your phone close to your ear and subtly lowering the speaker's volume.

“Hey,” you greet your date that you just texted about possibly being a bit late because of an emergency at home. "I'm really sorry—"

“Hey, please," Daniel interrupts you with a very worried call of your name, followed by, "is everything okay? Please tell me if you need my help with the emergency! Are you okay?"

Your heart weighs down with guilt and your eyes shoot poisonous arrows at the emergency sitting next to you on your couch. "No, Dan, everything is under control now. I just…need a little more time. Can you please pick me at eight-thirty instead, please?"

Your attention is admittedly more on the fury that takes over your ex's face rather than the hurried, stumbling agreement poured into your ears. But you can't help it when anger looks so hot on him. The sharp edge of his jaw, the tensed muscles in his neck – and the visible veins on his clenched fist…fuck.

You subtly press your thighs together, looking down into your lap to escape Taehyung's sharp gaze.

"Of course!" Daniel jovially exclaims and as you bite back a wince, you hope Taehyung can't hear how high pitched and borderline shrill his voice is compared to Taehyung's own sultry one. "I'll be there at eight-thirty, don't worry about it!"

You hum and say goodbyes.

"You are going on dates now?" Taehyung’s face is unreadable again which makes you slightly nervous about what he could be thinking.

But you still stare right into his eyes and move your head in slow nods. "Of course, I am," you say it as if it's obvious, when in reality it has been a long and difficult journey that you are still not done reaching the destination of. When it is still his name you cry out when you have your fingers buried deep inside of you. But you don’t want him to know that, so you shrug your shoulders. "Aren't you?"

“Obviously not. You are it for me," he says without missing a beat, simply and calmly as if the words aren't meant to have any affect on you. "Since that fateful day in that coffee shop? You have been it for me."

The confession is so raw and so unexpected, it makes you catch your breath. There's no modulation in his voice, no expression on his face, but his eyes? You haven't seen them look any sadder than they do right now.

"Why the hell would I even try when my heart's always been yours?" He doesn't stop though, sliding closer to you on the couch as he looks deep into your eyes with liquid pain collected on his lids. “But I guess you've been trying to return it for a while, huh. I can see I'm no longer welcome here.”

You find yourself at a loss.

The broken emptiness in his eyes and the tears clinging to his long lashes crumble your heart to dust. He is here, he still loves you – you want nothing more than to capture his lips in a kiss and never let go.

But at the same time, you also know all the reasons why you shouldn't.

You've seen this happen before way too many times. You know the pattern. The gambling was just the last straw that broke the camel's back, Taehyung's insincerity towards your relationship had started right about the time when you started to plan your upcoming life together. After every fight you two would have, he would come begging for another chance and you would give it to him again – putting your trust in his palms, asking him if he was serious about your future, and believing him every time he said he was. And each time, he would prove you to be a fool in love, breaking your trust.

But no more.

So despite the way his forlorn gaze tears at you, you put on a brave face and shake your head.

“No, you’re not,” you simply tell him, putting up protective walls around yourself as you go, forcing yourself to not give a second’s thought to the look on his face that mirrors the one you put there when you broke up with him. “And you haven’t been, since the very day I asked you to leave.”

A lone tear rolls down his cheek, which he tries to hide by quickly moving his head to face the other direction.

It takes everything in you to not reach out to cup his face and wipe it. Because no. This is the right thing to do. It may hurt the two of you now, but you’ll be grateful in the long run. You convince yourself that you’d rather have a messy break-up now than an irreparable divorce five years later. Because that is what the two of you were headed to – an uncertain future that would crash and burn.

“I know you have been trying to make your way back to me by all these excuses of needing some or the other imaginary object, but you really need to stop, Tae, and…” You falter at your slip of his name – the name you have pointedly avoided for a year.

Taehyung notices, too, red eyes looking at you again. “You think,” he begins in a throaty, choked murmur, “I come here to win you back?”

You falter. Isn’t that why he comes to you? You’re sure he’s about to throw another excuse at you, until he releases a low, self-deprecating chuckle.

“I come here because I know I can’t win you back,” he slowly says, confusing you and making tears lodge into your throat at the same time. “I come here because I miss you and I don’t know how else to see you…”

The back of your eyes start to burn with the urge to cry, but you repress it.

You try to think of something to say, but come up blank. You're stumped. He doesn't know that he doesn't even need to win you back because of how much he still has you. If he'd tell you he wants to try again – really try – you'd welcome him back with open arms. If he'd tell you he doesn't wanna dabble around with criminal activities anymore and wants to settle down with you…God, you would drop everything and run to him.

Telling him any of that wouldn't be the best action to take when you're trying to move on. So you keep shut, looking at him in silent longing that he reflects.

“But I get it,” he continues, clearing his throat and nodding with his lips pulled in tight. “This – this is wrong of me. You’ve made it clear, time and again, that you don’t wanna see me. I have no right to force you.”

It hits you then that Taehyung has definitely assumed you have been dating for a while. As he should, because that is how you intentionally worded it. But now, you just want to tell him the truth. That it has been extremely difficult accepting the fact that you can’t be with him and have to move on. That it was very very difficult saying yes to Daniel. That you haven’t even wanted to actually go with him ever since Taehyung showed up, tonight.

You don’t get the chance to say anything out loud, though, because Taehyung gives you a small smile – it is full of so much pain and longing and despair, that it just pierces your heart and makes you choke on held back tears.

“You deserve this,” he simply tells you. “Someone taking you out on New Year’s eve… calling beforehand to check up on you simply because you told him you had an emergency come up… I bet he drives a Merc.”

Your cheeks pink at the thought of him having eavesdropped, but you bite your lip to contain your reaction, forcing yourself to chuckle at the last remark. “Please. He works in the same company as me. Literally drives a Toyota.”

Taehyung’s gaze fixates on a point in space. “So he has a corporate job, then. He’s… stable in life…”

You could not have predicted the searing pain that shakes your whole body upon hearing those words. Your wide, surprised eyes look at him, bewildered.

He gives you another slow, pained smile. “It’s what you always wanted. It's what you deserve.”

No, you vehemently reject in your head. What you deserved, at some point at least, was for Taehyung to clean up his act and try for you. Try for the both of you. Unable to contain the sudden helplessness and grief his words fill you with, you shake your head in response.

When he looks at you in confusion, you explain, “I deserved to have you listening to me, Tae. I deserved to have you taking us and our future seriously. I deserved to have you finally prioritizing me above your Bookmaking and – and betting and gambling. I deserved you picking our future over a life of uncertainty and petty crimes that could land you in jail anytime. I deserved…” Your breath stutters and you grit your teeth against the tears that flow down Taehyung’s face. “I deserved a real chance with the man I loved.”

“The man you loved,” Taehyung stresses the final consonant, eyes dark and now dry. Your usage of past tense is accidental, but seems to hit Taehyung in the wrong places. Sudden anger tightens his jaw. “Well. I'll have you know that the man you loved had cleaned up his act less than a week after moving out from this house.”

The words glide past you without making any sense. You gape at him. "What?"

“I quit. The day after you broke up with me, I cut myself out of everything,” he elaborates, sounding tired and weary for the first time ever since you’ve been having conversations with him since your break up. He's always been full of energy. Now he just sounds… defeated. “It was quick money but so much shady dealings and sneaking around… I had to get out. And after you left me… I took my anger out on that lifestyle and got out.”

“Taehyung… what the fuck are you saying?” Your voice sounds as hollow as your chest feels, your heart once again having landed in his hands.

He really quit a year ago? Why the heck didn’t he come to see you, then?

Your earlier thoughts return to you – if he says the word, gives one single indication that he wants you, you will forget the world and run to his arms. It's close to impossible to put logic over emotion when it comes to Taehyung. Breaking up with him was the strongest you'd been all your life.

All your life, you hadn't ever known the kind of love you so easily gave Taehyung. He can destroy you so easily, it's scary.

“I had some money stashed away for down payments and stuff for when we moved. Used them to pay off what I owed my Bookie. And quit,” Taehyung repeats his confirmation and your stomach twists. “Went back to the theater to get them to take me back, but… yeah, they didn’t let me in full-time because I’d lost their trust by dropping out unannounced. But they noted my name down pretty high up on the roll call for performances. I’ve done eight plays since, and got one more tomorrow. First night of the year at the Town Center. It's a full house.”

Your brain refuses to accept this new piece of information. You have to hold your forehead in a palm and massage your temples with your fingers to make sense of what Taaehyung is saying.

It feels like a sick joke.

He's dangling what you wanted in front of you, but he's holding it just out of your reach.

“You’re telling me… you quit everything a year ago?” At his nod, you sigh. “Tae. Why didn't you tell me? You got rid of the very reason we broke up and just didn’t tell me about it? Did you not…" Your voice breaks and eyes water. "Did you not miss me?”

Instead of looking guilty the way you’d expected him to, Taehyung looks more defeated. “I missed you more than I can ever put into words. I didn't tell you because you didn't need to know.” At your confused frown, he shakes his head and softly calls your name. “You deserve a beautiful life of abundance built up with hard earned money. You deserve happiness accumulated by creating a family. With people who can afford to love you. Not a struggling artist who doesn't know if he'd have to go without dinner tonight…" He quietly whispers your name, and your jaw trembles with the emotion it carries. "You are so much better off without me. I don't deserve you."

You thought your heart broke with his heartbreak, but you were apparently wrong because something hurts very bad in your chest. And it’s got to be your heart – or whatever’s left of it – because you can barely breathe over the unbearable pressure that suffocates your lungs.

“I’m sorry I made the decision for you, but…” Taehyung gives you a small shrug. “You wouldn't have agreed with me. And look, good things are happening again, aren’t they?"

You force yourself to give a nod, suddenly recalling the date you are supposed to get ready for. This is what you've wanted – moving on and ahead, eliminating Taehyung from your life.

“Good luck for your… date,” he says, and even though it seems like rolling his tongue around the word is a task for him, you find no anger in his gaze, only resignation and sadness. “I hope it’s good for you. The guy… he sounds like a caring guy,” Taehyung’s voice comes out gruff, very reluctant but still ringing with honesty.

He stands up, brushing both palms down the front of his sweatshirt to plop them into its pockets. His eyes run all over your face, a terse look on his own which he seems to be attempting to soften with a weird pull to his lips that you think he is trying to sell for a smile.

“I’m gonna take my leave… for good, this time,” he slowly declares, taking a step back from the couch, and as you feel your heart lurch to your throat. You have to physically tuck your feet in to stop yourself from rushing after him to stop him. “Kind of a downer staying to watch him pick you up in a Tessie or some shit.”

You meet his attempt at lightening the atmosphere with the ghost of a smile. “A Toyota, I promise.”

“Happy New Year,” he breathes, already at the door, watching you through watery eyes. “I hope this next one is so beautiful, it makes up for all that I put you through this year. And – and the year before…"

Your lips woodenly part into a smile you don’t mean, to express happiness you don’t feel. “You, too. I hope the coming year helps you be kinder to yourself and…” You pause to inhale. “And honest with the things you love.”

Taehyung seems to understand the meaning behind your words, given the subtle clenching of his fist, but says nothing as he moves out of the apartment.

You stare after him, rooted to your spot like a marble statue.

He really did the one thing you had wanted him to. And then – he never told you about it, didn’t make any attempts at a reconciliation because of his own messed up theories about you and himself. His words play in your head, weighing your heart down with sadness and despair.

You deserve a beautiful life of abundance built up with hard earned money. You deserve happiness accumulated by creating a family. With people who can afford to love you.

Afford to love you – as if you are an expensive commodity and not a flawed human being.

Despite all the anger, pain and disappointment you have been living with due to his ways, the picture of the future his words paint for you still features Taehyung by your side, holding your hand through it all.

You wonder how he can know you so well and yet be so clueless about you at the same time.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that you have the worst time with your date.

You spent the entire dinner thinking about your ex that you’re supposed to have finally severed things with and the few times you tried to engage in a conversation with Daniel, you almost slipped and called him ‘Tae.’

You feel like shit, drowning in heartache and two different kinds of guilt. Because Daniel definitely didn’t deserve this. And at the same time… maybe Taehyung also didn’t deserve the way you cut him out of your life, last Christmas. Maybe there’s a reason why he drew all the conclusions about being undeserving to be with you.

Did he think you valued stability over him and not with him?

Your feet are heavy and heart heavier when you get to your apartment – only to stumble to a startled stop when you come face to face with the man you desperately wish to stop thinking about.

He stands near your front door, the porch of your place housing a bundle of cardboard boxes that you can recognize even from a distance. You packed them. Is he taking his stuff away?

While you are still focused on him, a familiar elderly woman exits the house and steps up next to Taehyung, looking at him with a smile as she hands him some kind of paperwork. This is your landlady. And there is only one kind of paperwork she could be handing over to Taehyung.

Your legs move before you have even established it in your head that you will intervene in this situation, carrying you up to the duo within seconds.

“Taehyung,” you call out, wide eyes focused on the file in his hands. “What’s… what’s all this?”

His eyes double in size when they meet yours. And then they travel down your body, taking in the maroon dress beneath your coat, before coming back up and pausing at the vast amount of skin your dress' plunging neckline exposes.

You didn't end up wearing Daniel's gift, after all, feeling like a fraud.

Taehyung clears his throat, a distant look in his eyes when they meet yours. "Wha… You're… Why are you here?"

"I live here." You blink at him. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, he was just here to request a removal of his name from your lease," the landlady butts in with a saccharine smile. "I told him it is a complicated process. He has a copy of the deed which he can talk to his lawyer about. And, ah – hope you don't mind that I used the master key to get to your spare room." She casts an affectionate glance at Taehyung. "Tae was waiting so long to collect his things in the freezing temperatures, it started to worry me."

A cold sweat breaks out on the back of your neck, your grip loosening on your handbag. On yourself.

He is leaving.

He is finally leaving – removing himself from your life for good. Like you wanted him to.

You…wanted him to. Didn't you?

You were tired of his unannounced visits that messed with your head. He was never gonna be yours so you wanted him to not be around you at all. You wanted him gone.

You have wanted him gone for a year.

Haven’t you?

So then what is this bone-chilling fear that travels up and down your spine? Why are your hands shaking? Why is your throat dry, your eyes watering, shit, why do you feel like throwing up?

You don't know why your body reacts so viscerally to the news you have been awaiting. You don’t know the reason, but you recognise the signs.

This is exactly how you felt when you put your foot down about Taehyung's casual treatment of the two of you, last Christmas.

This is exactly how you felt when you broke up with him.

Fuck.

"Yeah." He bites down on his bottom lip, conflict and worry visibly swirling in his dark irises even in the dimness of the evening. "Was about to book a cab. Didn't… expect you to be back… so early."

Fists tightening and eyelids fluttering, you will yourself to hold on for just a little more time.

That is when your mind catches up with Taehyung's vague statements. You're back before midnight – way before midnight, it's barely even eleven – from your damn dinner. Taehyung probably expected you to celebrate the beginning of the next year with your date. Which you should've done, ideally. Tomorrow's a Sunday, anyway. Hell, maybe Taehyung expected you to go home with Dan instead of coming back here at all. Which, again, you should've done. Ideally.

But Taehyung doesn't know your date was far from ideal. You're a bad person for treating amazing and kind and sweet Dan like shit. You're an even worse person for wanting nothing more than to kiss your ex-boyfriend till you asphyxiate and then sob into his chest until you pass out.

Fuck.

You don't want him to leave.

Fuck fuck fuck, you will go insanely out of your fucking mind if he leaves.

He can't leave.

"You look pale… How was your date? Nothing – nothing went wrong, did it? Are—"

"Everything," you mumble, uncaring of the obvious concern that blooms across Taehyung’s face. "Everything went wrong, Tae… Everything went to hell, and you let it. You made it. Everything crashed and burned and you didn't even fucking care. And—"

And now you're leaving…for good.

You choke on a sob.

Taehyung steps towards you. "What? Hey, are you—"

"Why didn't you care, Taehyung?" Your voice breaks – as does your poise, knees buckling to make you stumble and nearly fall, tears trickling down your face. "Why didn't you love me enough to care?"

A pair of arms instantly surrounds you and a warm chest presses in your shoulder. "Shh, shh, breathe."

You peer up at him to find Taehyung’s face pinched in distraught agony, eyes clouded with doubt and fear. "Tae…"

"I'm here, I'm here."

"No… You're leaving…"

He pulls away to look at your tear-stricken face with a bewildered frown. "Yes, but I'm not gonna leave you like this."

"What if I'm like this forever? After you're gone?"

His lips part and eyes soften. "No, you won't be. You—"

"I love you, Tae."

His entire being freezes right there against you.

And for a moment, so does yours.

But then a calm acceptance unfurls in your chest, assuring you that you are finally being honest with yourself. With him. You're not noble enough to protect him by lying to him.

You break out of Taehyung's grasp, causing him to stumble a few feet away from you as if he was leaning into you for support and not the other way round. His gaze never strays from yours, though. And it never stops being haunted.

This haunting resounds in your very soul, reminding you of the emptiness you've carried around with yourself ever since you pushed the love of your life out of it. The pain in your heart reaches its pinnacle and a tremor wracks through you.

Arms shaking, you reach forth with both your palms to delicately cup his face and bring it closer to yours. "I'm in love with you, Taehyung. I haven't stopped being in love with you, not for a moment. And I cannot live without you in my life. I thought I could… I thought I needed you out of my life to get better, but… That was a lie. I needyou. All your monthly visits that I thought were a problem – they were all that was holding me together… I was surviving off of them, not in spite of them.” You gulp to clear your throat of tears, squeezing your fingers around Taehyung’s cheeks that are getting warmer just as his eyes are getting redder and shiner. “Tae, the thought of you going away for good breaks me. There’s this – there’s this crack that forms in my heart, in my soul, at the thought of not having you around anymore, and I feel like it will never heal. Like I will collapse and never recover."

Exhaling, you step closer and brush your nose against his, watching how his eyes fall shut with the action, allowing tears to escape. Your own eyelids lower to match his.

"Tell me what to do… Please."

His shaky exhale brushes warmly against your lips. Slowly, his arms come up to cradle your waist, locking your form against his chest. And then, in a barely there whisper, he says: "Kiss me?"

A tiny sob escapes you, the pain in your heart diluting and the pressure on your chest alleviating. You wouldn't have known what to do with yourself if he pushed you away.

But he didn't. He asked you to kiss him – the way you have been wanting to for hours, now.

So without another word, you close the gap between your lips and his.

A shuddered breath leaves you at the first contact, loaded with relief as well as desire. Taehyung responds immediately, deepening the kiss, allowing his fingers to greedily dig into your waist and his throat to release a pleased hum. Shivers dance through your body at the familiar sound. And then he runs his tongue to part your lips, and the shivers transform into spasming shudders, prompting you to wind your arms around his neck and shoulders to hold yourself steady.

Your body slowly familiarizes itself with his motions again, reconnecting with the woodsy but mild cologne he wears that is only perceptible when you're pressed up so close to him. One of your hands finds the curls on the base of his neck, and your nails card through them the way you know he loves. His appreciative grunt is delivered with a bite to your bottom lip, and with your own whimper of need, you open your mouth against his.

The kiss moves from a teary mess of emotions to something more passionate – something driven by the hunger you two feel for each other.

Lightheadedness starts to crawl over you because Taehyung's intense kisses leave no room for you to catch a single breath, and his own lung capacity bypasses yours. But now that you have his mouth slotted against yours after so long, you would rather pass out in his embrace than be the first one to pull away.

When Taehyung finally runs out of oxygen, he separates from you with a wet gasp. Your body scrambles to regulate your breathing, but you find yourself suspended in delirium, so out of it that you nearly sway in his arms.

But Taehyung's hold on you is firm and secure, the large span of one of his hands pressing between your shoulder blades to support you. His forehead tips against yours and labored breath mingles with your own.

"I love you, too," he manages to whisper between the audible gulps of air he's taking in. “Never stopped.”

Neither did you.

You open your mouth to tell him just that, when a gust of freezing wind blows through your street, rolling over the exposed skin of your calves beneath your dress, and your teeth chatter in a gasping exhale.

Taehyung's eyebrows squeeze together. "Fuck, it's freezing out here and you're in a dress. Let's get you inside," he says with a quick glance towards your legs, and you don't miss the flare that sparks through his eyes.

Getting inside your house together is going to entail more than just escaping the cold winds.

He quickly bends to pick up the file he must have dropped earlier, and then looks at you with a small smile as you step closer to him. Folding your form into his side, he walks up the stairs of your porch, passing by the pile of his boxes, and knocks at your landlady's door. The woman opens up so quickly, you wonder if she's been standing right there all this time, trying to eavesdrop on you and Taehyung. You wouldn’t put it past her, to be honest.

“Oh!” She acts surprised. “Are you both going somewhere?”

“Yeah. Back in.” Taehyung grins at you and hands the file of the lease papers to her. "For good."

Tilting her head to the side, she presses a hand to her chest and coos. "Oh my God. I can't express how happy this makes me. I wish you two nothing but happiness!" But she's just looking at Taehyung. Ugh.

"Yeah, thanks – hey, can we talk some time later?" you interrupt in a rush. "Kinda freezing here."

With wide eyes, she gestures the two of you away.

Taehyung is chuckling when he unlocks the door to your house. "I can't tell if she is just that dramatic or if she has a crush on me. I mean, she's probably my aunt's age if not my mom's. It's a little embarrassing, but it's also cute."

What's cute is the way he can't stop rambling.

Taehyung has always had a very distinctively overpowering persona when it comes to sex. He has never fooled around when it came to this part of your relationship, making up for the sincerity he lacked elsewhere in bed. Which is why you know it’s only a matter of time before that switch is flipped and he starts to elude that intensity which renders your brain useless.

So you take advantage of his present distraction. You know he doesn’t realize what you are planning, which gives you the perfect opportunity to wait for him in the foyer while he locks the door – and pounce upon him immediately as he turns to face you.

Your lips connect with his surprised ones in a clumsy clash, making his body fall back against the shut door from the force. The surprised laugh that escapes his mouth in a huff is swallowed by your tongue licking up his bottom lip. One of his arms wraps tight against your waist and the other palm cradles your jaw. Heat surrounds you with his possessive touch.

Your tongue slides past the edge of his mouth to curl around his teeth, until he opens his mouth wider and wraps his own around yours. His throaty groan that accompanies the action travels down to your center, stoking the fire that is building up between your legs.

In the months you have spent away from him, you have had just your fingers and the memories of your time together to support you through your self-imposed celibacy. And this abstaining has built up into an infernal need now – a need for him. Having his mouth on you isn’t enough. You need him all over you, fused together with you, you need him in you.

“Tae,” comes your breathless call.

Humming, he pulls away from the kiss to drag his lips down your face, pressing hot kisses down your chin, and settling against your pulsepoint, sucking a bruise into your tender flesh and stealing all the air from your lungs. “Yes, baby?”

Fuck, his voice keeps getting deeper with every passing moment. Desperate for more contact, your hands tug his sweatshirt up, one fist bunching in the fabric over his back, and the other reaching for the warm skin beneath. While his lips descend to your collar bones, fervently pressing kisses to the exposed flesh of your chest, pushing your coat off your shoulders, the nails of both your hands rake up his back, tugging at the article of clothing in their wake.

Taehyung takes that moment to gain the upper hand – ending your fun with him barely five minutes into it. Separating himself from the door to walk you backwards into your apartment, he begins to easily maneuver the two of you towards your bedroom. You manage to work his sweatshirt off his abdomen, causing him to lift his head to allow you to swipe it off him completely. While he runs a hand through his hair to tame them, you take his taut, solidly built body in, and sag against the wall behind you with a dreamy sigh.

His chest is heaving with breathless pants, pecs hard and dewy with sweat. You scan down the rest of his firm torso, down to the waistband of his jeans, and then your gaze settles upon the sizable bulge in them. It’s not like you ever forgot how freaking massive Taehyung is, but the visual evidence still makes your tongue feel heavy in your dry mouth.

You wonder if you’d be able to convince him to let you taste him.

He is on you, the next second, lips re-attaching themselves to the top curves your breasts. God, his body feels warmer without the barrier of his clothes, heating you up with the contact just as much as he is by his ministrations. While you are thinking of getting rid of your dress, Taehyung seems to get the same idea. Running down your thighs over the garment and then climbing back up under it, his large hands mold over the globes of your ass, digging into your flesh.

“Fuck, Tae,” you breathe into his hair, both hands marking up his shoulders with the death grip you have on them

He responds by obscenely pulling your ass cheeks apart and then pressing them together. Whimpering with want, you desperately lift one of your legs up to his waist. He invites it by hooking one of his hands beneath your knee to properly wrap your limb around him, before pushing you harder against the wall, he takes the liberty to pick up and lock your other leg in place around him as well.

The damp cloth of your panties rubs down the zipper of his jeans, and both of you gasp at the contact, eyes meeting in wordless wonder.

You wordlessly raise your arms up to express what you want, meeting his heated stare with your bottom lip pulled into your mouth when he looks at you from beneath his brows.

Cursing under his breath, Taehyung quickly tugs your dress off of you, attaching his lips to the soft flesh of your ribs beneath your right immediately. The heat of his mouth as he works his way down to your belly button and licks his way down to the edge of your panties has you soaking through them.

“Tae, please,” you gasp, “bed.”

He obliges immediately, rising up to hold you to him as he carries you into your bedroom. His eyes are dark and dangerous when he catches your stare, and up close, it becomes really hard for you to maintain eye contact with him.

But as soon as you lower your lashes, one of his hands comes up to grip your jaw, his motions not bruising, but definitely not soft either. His jaw is clenched and nostrils flared when you look at him again. With a gulp, you feel your arousal drip down your thigh.

“Do not take your eyes off of me,” he grunts against your mouth, planting a tight kiss on it. “Understood?”

“Yes,” your agreement comes hoarse and a glint of satisfaction sparkles in his eyes at the sound.

The lethal dominance Taehyung exudes right now completely removes him from the guy you kissed against your door, minutes ago. He gets off to the power he holds over you, evident with the way his eyes always shine when he has you needy and whiny for him. And that just makes you needier and whinier.

Walking up to your bed, he sits on the edge and arranges you in his lap with an arm wrapped around your waist, giving you barely any time to settle before his free hand flicks your bra open. Tugging it down your arms, he forgoes fully removing it in favor of pressing his thumb against one of your nipples and swirling it around. A gasp rips through you, making your body arch into him and eyes roll into the back of your head.

You expect a reprimand for looking away from him, but he instead uses that moment to lower his head and replace his thumb, engulfing the taut peak of your breast into the fiery cavern of his mouth.

“Feels so fucking good…”

While his tongue plays around with your nub, making a mess on you the way he loves to, his hands don’t sit idle either, busying themselves in ridding you of your panties. You brace your knees on the mattress outside of his thighs and rise up to aid him. But his impatience gets the better of him and he leaves the scarp of clothing hanging on your ankle to quickly bring his hands back to your bare body, touching, squeezing and kneading his way around your ass, your back and your shoulders, and finally looping his arms around you to focus on your boobs again. He switches sides, suckling and nibbling on the neglected peak.

Pleasure starts to coil up tightly in you, making you all the more aware of the emptiness in your pussy. Looking for some sort of relief, you readjust yourself on his lap, sliding sideways to straddle one of his legs.

"Oh, fuck—" You cut yourself off with a breath hissed in through your teeth.

Your new position has made your heated, needy center press up strongly against Taehyung's buffed thigh, and the pressure has flares of arousal shooting through your veins, circling through your entire body. Your knee brushes his crotch, and the stiffness it encounters makes all semblance of self-control slip right through your grasp.

"Taehyung," you breathe, clawing at his shoulders with both hands, and he just hums against your chest, around a mouthful of your boob. "I need you…"

He hums again, never letting your flesh out of his mouth. "You have me."

Fuck, is he trying to be witty right now? You release a desperate whine, dreading the thought of having to convince him to touch you how and where you need him to because Taehyung plays a long game when it comes to edging you. Your wound up body cannot deal with that right now – you fear you'll say the wrong thing in your state and he will just use that to prolong your pleasure all the more.

His hands go back to your ass and the feel of those sinfully long fingers on you makes you wish they were in you, and—

Shit.

The bruising grasp he has on your butt makes your body slide against him, and fuck, the way his thigh muscles flex against your bare pussy has you seeing stars for a moment.

You want more of it.

Tentatively but eagerly, you grind down against the coarse fabric of his jeans harder, immediately throwing your head back in groan when a feverish wave of arousal runs through you at the motion.

Fuck, this is so lewd and you are so gonna leave a wet mess on his clothes, but you can’t stop yourself from moving again. And again. Grinding down, rolling your body towards Taehyung, and allowing the side of your knee to brush against the bulge that you would have begged for, had you not gotten so impatient.

Within the next few moments, Taehyung lifts his head off of your chest and meets your dazed gaze with his dark one. His eyes scan the length of your torso to connect to his thigh. You roughly swallow at his perusal, already getting closer to the edge because of its increasing darkness. And then he releases a shuddering breath, the slight surprise on his face being taken over by fascination.

“Are you fucking yourself on my leg, baby?”

His bluntly dirty question comes in a voice so guttural and low, the vibrations make your body temperature turn a few degrees up, pushing another groan out of you. One more filthy word out of his mouth, and you will explode.

You nod in response, attempting to pull yourself together enough to open your eyes wider to take him in better. His bottom lip is tucked between his teeth and his pupils have expanded dangerously. A bead of sweat travels down the side of his neck, collecting over the hollow of his collarbone. The fact that he is so turned on that he is sweating in this freezing December weather drives you insane. Unable to resist him, you press your lips against his throat, opening your mouth to let the salty taste of skin unravel against your tastebuds.

His grip on your waist tightens to a squeeze, until he lets go and leans back, supporting his weight on his palms that he plants on the mattress behind him. Your hips continue their roll on his thigh and your mouth works its way down his torso, tongue swiping at his nipple and eliciting a muted curse from him. Looking up, you’re treated to the breathtaking sight of his flushed face with his eyes closed and lips parted. His chest pulses with every gush of breath he takes, urging you to move on his thigh in a rhythm to match.

Bleary eyes open to connect with yours down his nose from beneath a curtain of dark hair, just as his upper lip curls away to bare his teeth in a fatally sexy grin.

“You look so fucking gorgeous, you know?”

You do?

You don't have any words to describe to him how delicious he looks in this moment – not that you'd be able to articulate them if you even had them – so you just let his thick and breathy voice wrap around you. When your motions falter, you bring both hands up to mold over his muscly shoulders for support. But your thighs are starting to feel the burn of exhaustion zipping through them.

And the grinding alone isn't enough anymore. Your pussy is still empty, trying to clench around nothing.

"T–Tae…" you whimper as a last resort, hoping he's turned on enough by the sight of your deranged self to comply without teasing you. "I need more…"

"Oh, yeah?" comes his breathy lilt and you nearly sob in frustration because nope, no chance – he's gonna tease you to death. "My thigh's not enough for my horny little baby?

You shake your head, slowing down as your leg muscles fully give up.

"What do you need, baby?"

His dark eyes are sincere despite the humor in his tone, and the small smile he sports has more adoration than hunger. So you take your chances.

"Your fingers," you boldly express, biting down your lip as you quietly add, "and your mouth."

You feel the jerk his length gives at your words, but Taehyung doesn't say a word about it, lazily smiling at you as he sits up to grope at your body. An eyebrow rises up.

"And not my cock?"

Your eyes dip down to his crotch again, and he chuckles.

"Although I'm not going to give it to you yet," he adds, confirming his plans that you already had an inkling of, “but wouldn’t you even ask?”

Pouting at him, you grind your hips down against his leg again, and wrap your arms around his shoulders. Fuck, he is so broad. This is why his shirt sleeves become sweater paws for you.

"Why won’t you give it to me yet?" you coyly murmur, trying to capture his lips in a kiss but failing when he tips his head away.

"Because you seem to have forgotten your manners," he informs you with a tiny, mocking smirk. "Not listening when I tell you to keep your eyes on me, grinding yourself on my leg like a slut without my permission, and demanding my fingers and my mouth without a single polite word."

His eyes slowly solidify into unforgiving pools of disappointment and you shiver. “P–p–please. Please give me your mouth, Tae,” you quickly amend, causing amusement to twitch his eyebrows into arches.

“Now wasn’t that so much better?”

With a nipple pinched between his fingers and your earlobe between his teeth, he fluidly flips the two of you over, so that you're laying on the bed with your feet planted on the ground, and he is hovering above you. Pressing kisses down your sternum, he descends your body to kneel between your parted legs You follow his dark eyes, barely breathing, and then rise up on your elbows when his hot breath brushes against your extremely sensitive center.

"Look at this poor pussy,” he coos, nudging at the wet mess of your lips with his nose. “All messy and tired… Do you need to come, baby?”

You nod like a bobblehead doll, wide eyes not daring to leave his now.

Much to your surprise, he doesn’t play around at all, and dives in with his tongue immediately. Your moan of his name makes your body wring out tightly, hands fisting in the sheets next to you, and hips almost lifting off the bed.

Taehyung growls against your sensitive flesh, opening his eyes to glare at you. “Are you trying to test me?”

Your shiver at his hissed question, but quickly shake your head. “It just… it’s been a while.”

His face drops for a quick moment, before a vicious look enters his eyes again. “Not like anyone could ever eat you out like I do.”

Not like you even let anyone do that, but not to get too sappy. “N–no one, Tae! Only you do!”

He gets back to work, pressing his mouth against you and letting his tongue lash into your channel, before he moves his mouth higher up and takes your hypersensitive clit between his lips. You have barely had a moment to absorb the shock of pleasure that rips through you at that, when you feel two of his fingers running up and down your entrance – coating in your wetness, before they slip into you. And they go deep, driving right up against the sensitive spot in you that they know the route to better than your own fingers, pressing down and rubbing at it in circles.

It’s all downhill from there – your body thrashing around the bed, hands fisting his hair and eyes screwing shut as you reach your peak in record time. White noise muffles your ears and fire explodes in you. All thoughts leave your brain blank for what feels like whole minutes.

Your orgasm lasts almost longer than the time it took for you to get there.

When you come back down from your embarrassingly quick but blindingly amazing high, your eyes open to the sight of Taehyung’s fingers, coated with your juices, sliding past his swollen lips. You thickly swallow. Admiring the way he tongue comes out to lick over a manicured nail, a tiny moan escapes you.

His eyes connect with yours, the heat in them giving way to amusement. “Want a taste?”

Mesmerized, you nod, mouth watering at the sight of his endlessly long, elegant fingers. God, is it weird of you to want to swallow someone’s fingers? Because as soon as Taehyung straddles you, you grab his palm with both hands and push his index, middle and ring fingers into your gaping mouth. And as soon as the taste of your release mixed in with the taste of his spit meets your tongue, you make a seal around them, and suck.

A sharp breath is drawn in by Taehyung at your action, his eyes now pitch black as they look down at you.

Your tongue plays around with the edges of his nails, before you suck more of his digits in to push them towards your throat, essentially swallowing them.

“Fuck, fuck, are you kidding me,” Taehyung moans out, making more of a statement than a question, followed by your name. “Love my fingers that much?”

You obediently nod your head, looking at him with wide eyes, and his own turn heavy. His hips are in your direct line of sight, which makes it easy for you to actually see the way your response causes the tent in his jeans to become bigger.

When he pulls his pruned fingers out of your mouth, your eager hands make a grab for his waistband to quickly unbutton and unzip him. He surprises you for the second time tonight by letting you get away with it. You tug the denim past his ass and wrangle his tight shorts off similarly, hissing in delight when his fully hard cock springs free to smack against his tight abdomen.

The head is angry and coated with precum, so fucking irresistible, it beckons you towards it. But this time you do not forget your manners, looking up into Taehyung’s eyes through your lashes.

His stare is already on you, though, and it is heavier than it has been all night.

“Stick your tongue out,” he murmurs in a voice that has gone down another few octaves.

And you do, properly sitting on your haunches as he kneels on the bed before you.

“You can suck it for one minute and one minute only. I don’t want to come before I’ve felt your pussy.”

Fuck, why does that bring heat to your cheeks?

“Okay,” you whisper, reaching ahead with a hand to wrap around his thick length and placing the fat head on your extended tongue.

He grunts when you wrap your tongue around him. Knowing you don’t have much time, you let the spit accumulated in your mouth to act as lubricant over his cock, and open your mouth wide to take him in. He hits your throat when half of his length hasn’t even made it into your mouth, and you relax yourself to let him slide in.

But Taehyung brings his hand down to clutch at your hair, shaking his head when your eyes meet his in surprise. “J–just your tongue.”

FUck, did he stutter? You’re so fucking proud of yourself.

With renewed vigor, you draw slightly back and hollow your cheeks around his tip, rolling your tongue over it like a lollipop, you firmly suckle it. Spit mixed with his precum dribbles down the side of your jaw, which causes Taehyung to bite down on his lip.

Before you can really get into it, though, he pulls himself out of your mouth and grabs you by the shoulders, breathing hard above you. “Enough. Wanna fuck your pussy, now…”

Using the leverage on your shoulders, he pushes you back on the bed and throws a leg across your torso to straddle you. His other hand cards his hair away from his face. Some strands have gotten stuck to his forehead, which he scrapes away with the back of his nails, and you are struck by the elegant beauty of his finger once more.

It is not weird to want to swallow someone’s fingers, okay? Not when that someone is Kim Taehyung.

Out of nowhere, you notice how the rings he wears are thin, silver bands instead of the huge chunky rocks he used to. The hand on your shoulder is devoid of them too, with similar bands looping through his index and ring fingers. It could very easily be a style choice, but something tells you it is a choice brought on by the change in his lifestyle.

Sucking in a sharp breath, you reprimand yourself for never catching any signs. So much wasted time because you really thought he wouldn’t change and he was being a dumbass with all that poetic don’t deserve you shit.

“Where’s your head at?” He smirks at you, having gotten rid of his disheveled clothes properly, and situates himself between your legs again. “Don’t go all pillow princess on me, now—”

“Choke me.”

His eyes boggle out at your sudden words. “Wha…?”

“I was thinking of your fingers.” It isn’t a lie, only a partial truth. “How fucking gorgeous they are. And how fucking badly I want them on me. I want them to bruise me, Tae… Please?”

His cock smacks against your thigh and he hisses a deep breath in through his teeth, letting his tongue rest against his upper lip as he regards you. “You sure?”

Elated, you eagerly nod. “Absolutely.”

“Do we, uh, need a safe word?”

“No, we don’t,” you confidently reassure him with a smile.

“And can I do it bareback?”

“Ye—uh, what?” You gape at him.

His smirk turns into a sheepish smile, body leaning down to cage you between a hand that is planted next to your head, and the other one which is playing with your boobs and slowly climbing its way up towards your neck.

“I haven’t slept with anyone since you,” he says it simply, easily, as if he is telling you what he had for dinner.

But you notice how he doesn’t meet your gaze and you also notice how the veins in his neck look a little too strained.

Sighing fondly, you bring your hands up to brush through his hair. “Neither have I.”

His stance relaxes and rounded eyes run to meet yours. “Are you still—”

“On the pill? Yes.” At his confused look, you roll your eyes. “It helps with my period, okay? Now will you get on wi—ack!”

The hand roaming your throat suddenly tightens over it, thumb digging into your pulsepoint while his fingers curl around your windpipe to restrict your breathing. Through wide eyes you see him wet his lips and lean over yours. The flat of his tongue sweeps across your mouth.

“Not a word from you unless it is about how good I’m making you feel,” he whispers and you leak an ocean of arousal, shivers running up and down your spine at the low-pitched threat. “Understood?”

You quickly nod, swallowing against his fingers. With another lick of your trembling lips, Taehyung straightens to sit up and use his free hand to smear your arousal around your slit.

“You have made a mess, baby…”

You can hear the mess he is talking about, his fingers squelching away as they separate your pussy lips and toy with your clit. Just when you feel tears gathering in your eyes at the overwhelming sensations that are still not enough, Taehyung decides to finally line the head of his cock up against your entrance.

The initial push feels harsh, not particularly stinging, but definitely feeling foreign after the long abstinence you’ve had. But as he gradually eases himself in, your pussy seems to recall the feeling of pleasure associated with the thickness of Taehyung’s massive cock. He can never make it into you in a single slide, always having to make repetitive pumps to fit all of him in.

“Tiny fucking pussy,” he rasps through clenched teeth, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed, gaze zeroed in at the place you are joined. “So greedy but can’t even take me properly…”

Indignant, you want to tell him there is no one but you that can take him ‘properly.’ No one but you who tirelessly braves through his tendency to overstimulate you because he’s a fucking stallion who takes forever to come and has to have you clenching around him to trigger an orgasm.

But you keep your mouth shut, writhing a little as you make tiny noises of pleasure, because he literally has your vocal chords in his hand.

Hips moving away, he pistons back in, pushing further inside you. This is when he finally looks up at you. But this time you have been looking at just his sexily scrunched up face, nearly unblinking, so a proud grin splits his lips.

“Almost there, baby,” he reassures you unnecessarily, because you are having a fucking blast either way.

He pulls out and plows back in again, reaching deeper – and deeper – and deeper, until you feel the base of his pelvis meet your clit. Your jaw drops in surprised pleasure when he grinds against you, and your hips chase after him when he pulls back. Chuckling, Taehyung leans over you, removing the hand from your throat to bring it up to your face and cup your cheek.

“You okay?”

No, not really. You need him to move. But you know he’s asking about your throat, so you bite your lip and give him a small nod. “Never better.”

At first he smiles, but then something dark enters his gaze. “Never better?”

Shit, why does he have to spin every word out of your mouth into something to tease you with? His hips pull back and snap against yours to make a point, an eyebrow rising up.

"You better now?"

Whining, half in embarrassment and half because his length reaches insane depths in you, you shake your head. "N–not yet—"

He repeats the motion, this time harder and faster. "Now?"

You are pushed up the bed by the force of his thrusts, but still collect enough willpower to shake your head, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip. "M–more…"

This time, Taehyung hooks an arm beneath one of your knees, pulling your legs apart wide, and situates your calf on his shoulder, next to his face. Turning, he presses a soft kiss to your ankle, and then grits his teeth to continue with the pounding that is rapidly gaining momentum.

He doesn't say a word, after that, just stares at you through quiet and calculative eyes and you know he means business. God, the way his head brushes against the bundle of nerves in you with every powerful thrust is bringing you closer to your release. You wanna shut your eyes and rub at your clit. He has barely started, but you have been so wound up, you just want to come.

But as soon as a single hand of yours leaves his shoulders to travel to your body, Taehyung takes the hand he has around your boob, to smack the back of yours with. You gape at him in surprise, which turns into a moan of his name when he presses deep into you and gyrates his hips.

"Don't even think of touching yourself," he hisses at you, teeth bared and eyes narrowed. His hair hangs above them, but they manage to do nothing to cut the intensity of his stare. "You've had enough time to do that in a year. Now it's my turn to touch you…"

And fuck, that is so fucking hot of him, your mouth drools and some spit leaks down the side of it. He rubs it off with a thumb and then leans down to kiss you. Your leg stretched to its maximum elasticity, but Taehyung sucking on your tongue gets your mind off of it.

This time when he separates from your body, your fingers subconsciously reach for the tips of your breasts, tweaking at your nipples.

Taehyung's eyes flash with fury. "Are you doing this on purpose? If you needed me to tie you up so bad, you should've just asked.”

The words float over you, not really getting to you through the haze of pleasure that every single of his sharp thrusts into your pussy has you suspended in. Until, that is, Taehyung is gripping both your wrists and holding them with a single hand, above your head. A lacy but soft touch meets your wrists while you're still gaping at Taehyung's sharp jaw with a confused face.

And then it registers – he is tying your fucking hands…with your fucking bra.

Gasping, mostly out of shock but also out of the bout of arousal that his action sends through you, you begin to protest, "Tae, I wasn't—'

"Shh," comes his crisp admonition, accompanied by a glare through his eyebrows that makes you shake in place. "You will keep your mouth shut if you don't want it full of your wet panties."

You're not as opposed to the idea as you would've thought, but you do not dare to challenge Taehyung into doing it. Because he won't end it there – he will deny your release as punishment, too, and that is something you are absolutely in no shape to bear right now.

So you pull your lips in and allow him to send your body jostling up the bed in time with his strokes. One of his hands comes up to squeeze at your boobs, while the other reaches down, thumb pressing into your clit, rubbing tight circles over it.

“This want you wanted?” His tone is light, contradicting the darkness in his eyes. At your shaky nod, his hand climbs up your chest to grip at your jaw, thumb dipping into your mouth, which you waste no time in sucking on. Hissing, he narrows his eyes. “So fucking needy… You’d take anything I gave you, won’t you?”

With his thumb pressing down on your tongue and hips pinning you to the bed, you’re as much at his mercy as you can be. There is no point trying to put up a fight. So you admit in a barely coherent mutter of, “Everything.”

His eyes flash with heat, and he charges into you at a renewed pace, going harder and faster. You momentarily wonder why he hasn't attempted to flip you on your stomach when that is his most favorite position to have you in, but all thoughts are soon wiped off your brain when Taehyung’s digits on your clit get rougher, harsher, until you can feel yourself beginning to tighten around him. The crash comes unexpectedly, catching you so unawares your mouth drops open in a silent scream, eyes widening and then rolling back.

Waves after waves of pleasure hit you, running through your veins like molten fire. You can feel Taehyung fuck you through it, groaning into your neck as he peppers kisses over your sweaty skin.

By the time you open your eyes, he is close to his own completion, body tensing and stuttering above you.

“Whe…where do you want me,” he moans into your neck, “to come?”

It takes you less than two seconds to decide: “Inside.”

Taehyung’s surprised eyes find you as he immediately lifts his head to rest his chin on your collarbones. “Are you su—”

“Please,” you breathe, locking your tired legs around his waist. “Wanna feel you fill me up, Tae, please…”

A different shade colors his face at your words, motions getting stronger but also sloppier. “Yeah? You w–want my cum, baby?”

His jaw is clenched and broad body looms over you, his dominance never weakening despite the way his words are beginning to stutter and slur. Your pussy feels worn out, battered, slightly overstimulated – but when Taehyung’s breath starts to break into gasps, you feel a fire ignite in you again.

Nodding, you push your breasts against his chest and meet his heavy lidded gaze with your wide-eyed one. “I’ve missed it s–so much,” you hoarsely tell him, biting down on your lip. “Love the way you make a mess in me… And when it dr–drips out—”

“Fu~ck,” Taehyung groans low in his throat, forehead resting against your chest and teeth biting down into the soft flesh. His hips stray from yours, jerking back twice before finally fusing together with yours, just as warm spurts of his cum shoot up in you.

The sensation is foreign but so fucking familiar at the same time, you lose your breath, matching Taehyung’s heaving breathing, both your fists clenched in their restraint and eyes screwed shut to absorb the sensations bursting across your body.

It takes him a while to pull out of you, and you almost want him to stay in longer, whining when he sits up between your legs with a dazed grin. “You’re really fucking unbelievable, you know?”

Again – you are?

Your legs are jelly, your brain has turned to marshmallow goo, and your throat is too raw for speech stronger than a raspy whisper. You don’t even wanna think of the state of your pussy; everything’s kinda numb down there, and you wonder if the overstimulation has actually muted your nerve endings to—

“Ah, shit!”

Nope, you definitely still have all your nerve endings very much alert and sensitive – so sensitive, they make you flinch with your whole body when Taehyung’s tongue travels through your nether lips.

“Wh–what are you doing, Tae—fuck!”

“You looked so fucking good,” he murmurs into your pussy, and you feel like you will fall off the bed with how much you are twisting and arching up – to get closer or away from him, you’re not sure. But then his teeth grazes your thoroughly sensitized clit and now you’re definitely pulling away. “Tiny fucking hole,” he continues, seemingly lost in his head, “leaking so much cum…”

Oh, God. It is now that you realize Taehyung is eating what is the mixture of his cum with yours. And having the time of his life doing it, if the moans he pours into you are any indication.

His comfort with tasting his cum isn’t new to you, but the reminder still zings your body with a thrill – and to your utter shock and slight dread, you feel your stomach bunching up with a fresh wave of desire. Taehyung seems to catch the subtle way your hips undulate towards him, and with a groan, presses his tongue farther in you, curling it up as if to collect all the liquid he can.

It doesn’t take much after that. The depraved imagery of Taehyung enjoying the taste of his own release does half the job, and his skilled tongue that doesn’t sit still for a second is more than enough to bring you to another earth-shattering orgasm, one that is so strong, it’s borderline painful.

“Fuck, baby, the way you clench on my tongue…”

Your foggy eyes look at Taehyung’s wet and shiny lips that are spread in a delighted smile. He cups your face with a palm and pulls you into a soft kiss when you sniffle, untying your hands with the other. He tastes like you and him combined, and the only reason your moan comes out breathy is because your vocal chords have given up on you.

“Maybe I should’ve paced this,” he softly brushes against your lips, pulling away to peck your cheeks and wipe your eyes, “and not raw-dogged you in one night.”

Laughter blubbers at your lips, turning into a fond smile when Taehyung situates himself next to you and brings your face to rest against his unfairly thick bicep. “I wouldn’t have let you,” you whisper in your embarrassingly papery voice. “Missed you too much.”

“I’ll draw you a warm bath later.” He plants a kiss on your forehead, and then looks at you with hesitant eyes. “You really, uh… didn’t have sex in a whole year?”

The almost nervous look on his face reminds you of what he said to you this evening, about you being the only one for him – about his heart being yours ever since your first accidental date. You release a breath and confess, “I haven’t even dated, Tae. The – the one tonight was the first one I was trying…”

Awe bleeds to understanding, and eventually to offense on his face. “You made it sound like you’d been dating for a while! You asked me if I wasn’t dating, as if it should be obvious!”

You shut your eyes with a wince. “I felt like a fool. Felt like I was contradicting myself by telling you I didn’t need you and then also admitting how lonely I’d been since you.”

His gaze is sincere when he looks at you again. “And now? How do you feel now?"

"In love," you honestly confess, feeling your cheeks heat up when adoration overtakes his face. "Happy. And you?"

"Hopeful," he immediately says, like he doesn't even have to think about it. "Determined to make this work, dead set on making you happy." He brushes a thumb against your cheek. "Eager to build a future with you."

Your chest fills up with too many emotions at once, making it hard for you to breathe. He wants to make an effort. He really wants to do it the right way.

Although you had concluded his intentions by the conversation you had in the evening, it is unbelievably gratifying to hear him put it in words. By declaring that you were better off without him, he had basically proved to you that he truly understood how you saw your future and the fact that he did not fall on the same page as you, a year ago. And so now, hearing him tell you he wants to make it work, you know that he is finally on the same page as you about the two of you.

You have never been a fan of fairytales or a believer of magic. You never considered fate to be a thing until you met Taehyung due to a twist of it, and then in your separation with him, you found yourself going back to your earlier beliefs about its non-existence.

Nothing happens because it's meant to be. Nothing happens unless you make it happen.

Tears collected on your waterline, you purse your lips to stifle a sob. "Building a future with you is what will make me happy, Tae."

He gives you a soft smile. "I love you."

"And I love you." Grin matching his own giddy one, you close the distance between your mouths.

“First date at the Town Center after my performance?” he murmurs between kisses, and you nod.

“Yes, please!”

Just then, loud fireworks shoot off somewhere in the distance.

You both separate with matching surprised looks on your faces. Taehyung’s eyes travel past your shoulder to your nightstand, and his lips part with a small smile. “It’s midnight.”

“Happy new year, Tae-bear,” you murmur, teary-eyed.

“Happy new year, my love.”

He looks at you with a light brighter than all the world’s fireworks sparkling in his eyes. You lose yourself in them .

And this time – it’s forever.

— note #2: sooo the v first time i’m actually posting a birthday fic on the correct date! yay! =D wish you the happiest birthday ever, tae-bear 🥺 your giggles have gotten me through the worst of days, i love you so much <3

links to be updated later!

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jimilter · 2 years

Text

holding you like this (m) | k.th. | one-shot

Taehyung didn't anticipate seeing you tonight, least of all with a date by your side, but he guesses it'll be okay because it has been over five years since he last saw you and he has moved on. But the air is far from cleared between you both. So when confrontations start to happen, all of the pain from his past he thought he had overcome makes itself known, unwelcome.

pairing: taehyung x reader rating: m (18+) genre: angst | smut | humor | estranged lovers!au | club owner!taehyung | journalist!reader warnings: swearing + misunderstandings + insecurity + angsty confrontations + heartbreak + allusions to infidelity + fainting due to stress + semi-public sex + explicit sexual situations (breast play, fingering, oral (m), penetrative sex, rough sex, dirty talk, degradation) <3 word count: 18 k

↣ for Resolution Revolution, an ny22 collab i co-hosted with my love, @knjsnoona! <3

note: this fic was meant to be a light-hearted one to contrast the sad trope i was assigned for the fest, and was to be posted in january – but then it underwent a world of changes (name and genre) and is now a gut-wrenching mess, being delivered five months late. i am so sorry. :|

the biggest thank you goes to my precious soybean @missgeniality for being my life support when i felt lost and had so many doubts abt this fic, and then also betaing it for me later, like a fairy godmother. this literally would not be here without you!!! ily 😭 also, thank you to my naifey bby @opaljm for naming the fic outta the payphone lyrics in, like, 5 seconds!!! ily <333

PS. the past scenes are in italics and written in past tense, but seamlessly blend (without a divider) into the fic’s present narrative, only differentiated by the present tense and non-italicised text, so pay attention to that!

i hope y'all masochists like the way this hurts~ 💜

dedicated ⇝ to ridzietta @taegularities <3 was supposed to be your late b'day present in jan, but guess now it's just an attempted payback for my broken kidneys. i love you, baby (:

— masterlist | feedback!

"You've got to be kidding me…"

Kim Taehyung peers over the balustrade of the ballroom – past the black and white balloons, lights, streamers and huge chandeliers that cast red and white shadows over the entire hall – with a disappointed frown.

"What?" asks the girl with the letter pad in her hands. "What is it, Mister Kim?"

An accusatory finger shoots up in the air, arm propped parallel to his shoulder as he points at the pair that just entered the hall.

"What guest list is she on?"

The party planner's wide eyes take in the object of his ire, squinting to get a better look, before she quickly turns back to her tab and makes a few successive clicks.

"Oh! She – she isn't on one, but—"

"Ha! Knew it! Why would she even—"

"—she's actually someone's plus one, Mister Kim."

Wait, what?

His scowl dissolves into an expression of shock, mouth forming an 'o' as he gawks at the party planner. "Who – whose plus one?"

The girl makes some more clicks and nods. "One of Mister Park's guests."

Of fucking course it'd be his own best friend stirring up a storm in his life. Taehyung should've strangled the idiot when they were ten – when Jimin didn't have so many muscles to one up him.

The girl next to him suddenly puts a finger to her comms, speaking discreetly, before turning to him with a guilty smile. "I have to take care of something, sir. But please, feel free to call me anytime if there's a problem."

Taehyung gives her a dismissive nod, eyes still stuck to the figure in the red gown floating through the crowd with an arm holding onto a man. He wills himself to look away before he is caught staring, but he kind of cannot.

He always used to love to see you dressed in red.

Something about the colour has always fit your fiery spirit just so perfectly. Fondness starts to seep into his mind along with recollections. He remembers how wearing red would reflect beautifully on your face, making your eyes sparkle with confidence. And as evident by your form moving about with your shoulders rolled back and head straight, that fact remains unchanged.

Taehyung also remembers this gorgeous red lipstick you always wore with this shade that made him lose a bit of his mind.

How he could never wait to ruin it.

How he did always ruin it before the end of the night, earning himself your whines of complaints that he would proceed to replace with whines of pleasure.

→ six years ago;

“Hm, that is a lovely shade of red on you,” Taehyung murmured into your hair, peeking into your reflection in the mirror as you applied your lipstick.

“Don’t shake my hand!” You shoved him away, rolling your eyes. “And this colour is literally the same shade as this dress you bought me…”

"Then my choice is lovely," he cheekily amended, raising his hands up in surrender when you glared at him through the mirror.

Taehyung stepped away, appreciating the curve of your ass in the fitted knee-length, halter neck dress he had bought for you to wear to the event you two were attending tonight. The naked span of your back called out to him, so he dipped his head to press a wet kiss in the middle of your spinal column, relishing the responding gasp and arch of your back you gave him.

“My lipstick’s gonna be ruined!”

Pants suddenly tightening at the unintended innuendo in your words, Taehyung grabbed you by the arm and twirled you around to press your ass into your vanity table, hips digging into your own. Your eyes looked surprised but also a shade darker than their natural disposition, and that was all the go-ahead he needed to capture your half painted lips in a searing kiss.

Length hardening and forehead breaking out in sweat, Taehyung’s tuxedo was starting to feel too tight, when your eager hands suddenly untucked his shirt to run up his torso. His teeth nipped at your tongue before tangling his own with it, fingers lifting the edge of your dress up to your waist to explore the ruined state of your panties.

“Tae,” your breathless gasp followed the smack of your detaching lips. “We’re gonna be late…”

His fingers made slow swirls over your wet panties, gaze stuck to yours as he slowly nodded. “Yes, we are. Do you wanna stop?”

You were such a sight with his favourite shade of red all over your mouth, but Taehyung would practice absolute control over his raging hormones if that was what you wanted. It wasn’t, though, confirmed by the whimper you let out with a quick shake of your head.

“Can we be qui–quick?” Your broken words were a result of intense arousal and not shyness, he knew, because you were anything but shy about your sexual desires.

Pressing a huffing laugh into your shoulder, he shook his head. “You know I can’t be quick, baby. Especially not now, when your ruined lipstick is making me want to see it painted elsewhere…”

You whined, craning your neck when he sucked on the flesh of your throat beneath your jaw. “Wh–where?”

“My cock.”

And without any hesitation, you had stripped off your dress, knelt before him in just your very matching pair of lingerie, and proceeded to let him fuck your throat without complaints, if some quality sounds of pleasure. You’d been an hour late to the event, but neither of you had cared.

A shiver runs up his spine at the ghost of your sounds suddenly echoing in his head, and Taehyung snaps out of it with a shake of his head.

All of it is in the past now. Distant past.

Taehyung forces his lips down to a straight line, angry at himself for reacting like a lovelorn idiot. You and your relationship is behind him, way behind him, and that's where it should stay. And despite your unexpected presence here tonight, that is where it remains.

It does, right?

Of course, it does. It has to.

He’d be a pathetic idiot to still swoon over your strapless, form-fitted red gown when you are here with a date that is not him, because you broke up with him, five years ago. And maybe half a decade should normally be enough time to stop resenting someone for an ended relationship, but Taehyung has not been able to trust another person again after the way you broke his heart and walked out of his life. But that doesn't mean he hasn't moved on; because he has. He may not have been able to fully commit, but he sure has had short affairs and flings whenever he has wanted to, which have all helped him get over you. He has stopped thinking about you; stopped caring, stopped missing you, stopped giving a damn. Like any sane person would.

So he doesn’t swoon over you, despite his initial reaction. Not at all, not even a little bit.

Because he shouldn't – he wouldn't, because you chose to walk all over his heart on your way out of his life. He doesn’t even swoon when you flip your waist-length hair over a bare shoulder, not when your sparkling eyes sweep all-over the place and not even when you give a loud laugh with your head thrown back – and that is a huge feat in his books for which he gives himself a mental pat on his back.

“Ow!” he yelps, startled at how real the pat on the back felt – and how strong?

“Save any remaining self-respect you have and stop fucking ogling her when she’s here with a date,” comes a reprimanding hiss in a very familiar voice.

Taehyung turns around to scowl at Jimin. “I wasn’t ogling her.”

“Sure.” His best friend looks at him unamused, lifting the champagne flute in his hand to Taehyung’s eye-level. “And this isn’t my eighth glass of the night.”

“Wait—eighth? You okay, bro?” Concerned, he looks Park Jimin up and down, wide eyed. Did the guy recently face some emotional crisis that he hasn’t told Taehyung about? He looks fine on the surface—

“For fuck’s sake, Tae.” Jimin rolls his eyes with a groan. “Stop looking so worried, I’m fine. I just despise these high-society… things.” He grimaces, gaze making a round of the entire venue. “You already know that.”

“Well we kinda have to have these things, buddy, because running a club isn’t all about training bartenders,” Taehyung reminds the other man, chuckling when he receives a petulant pout in return. “Chim, you still won’t let Jungwon make you your strawberry daiquiri! It’s, like, the most simplest cocktail ever! Let the kid live!”

“Hey!” Jimin narrows his eyes in challenge, downing the champagne in a quick gulp – Taehyung covertly winces at the sight – and reminds Taehyung that, “running a club isn’t all about auditioning performers, either! You went through fourteen acts and didn’t like a single one, remember, Mister Genius Entrepreneur?”

Taehyung would have responded with another remark, maybe brought Jimin’s attention to the fact that his own actions were more justified because he actually went to a performing arts school unlike Jimin who is a business major meddling with mixing drinks and being a perfectionist – but, he is suddenly reminded of the reason why he was ogling-or-not-ogling you.

"Hey, who the fuck is that buff-ass guy she's here with, anyway?" he asks the man with a scowl, plucking a champagne flute from a passing-by waiter, swatting at Jimin's hand when he moves to pick one. "And enough with the drinking!"

Rolling his eyes, Jimin glances over the railing at you, frowning in concentration. "Hm… I don't exactly recognise him? Maybe he's someone from dad's company."

"Your dad's—" Taehyung cuts himself off to release a strangulated groan. "Jimin. Why do we have people from your dad's company here?"

The man has the audacity to shrug his shoulders. "You said we needed a crowd to make an impression."

Taehyung wants to punch a wall but diverts the urge with punching his best friend's bicep – no less firmer than a wall, though – and rakes a flustered hand through his hair, before immediately realising he got it done at a salon today and he just flushed down the toilet the entire two-something hours he had to sit still for this. The wince Jimin gives him confirms his suspicion, and he hangs his head to let his best friend attempt to coif the disturbed strands back in their place.

“Nope, it’s a bird’s nest now,” Jimin announces after a few seconds’ efforts, kind-hearted as always.

“Well, it is your fault for calling in people from your dad’s office!”

“Hey, people from my dad’s office did not ruin your hair, that was all you!”

Taehyung feels petulant enough to gear up to paw at Jimin’s own head of set hair in revenge, fingers twitching at his side, but he never gets the chance to attack – a jovial ‘hello’ directed at both him and Jimin grabbing his attention.

Jimin peeks past him and Taehyung looks over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised in intrigue. Only to freeze.

It’s… you.

Well, technically, it’s your date, but you’re very much attached to his arm, looking at Taehyung with a blank face and seeming as much at ease as he wishes he was. Because he is not. Hasn’t been since his eyes found you, and truth be told? Hasn’t been ever since you parted ways from him because you have ruined him for another real relationship, but he isn’t ready to have that mental talk yet.

Struggling, he works hard to keep his eyes off you and focused on your date, a guy seemingly around his age, if a bit younger.

And an absolute high-class jerk by the looks of his Louis Vuitton suit, Dolce Gabbana loafers and freaking sunglasses he’s wearing indoors. Granted, the ballroom is extraordinarily bright with all the golden chandeliers, but come on. How much of this orange pair of sunglasses actually prevents brightness and how much of it is just snobby fashion? Looking closely, Taehyung notices a lip ring on the guy’s bottom lip and a row of small stones running from his earlobe to the upper lobe area.

Well, now he's just confused. The LV suit does not match the guy’s street fighter jewellery at all. Just what the hell kind of guys have you been dating?

“Uhm, hello there!” Jimin loudly greets, extending a hand and elbowing Taehyung none too gently, knocking him out of the contorted expressions of distaste he wears. “Park Jimin, one half of the founders of Dionysus. Welcome to the gala!”

The rich asshole flashes a surprisingly guileless grin at Taehyung’s best friend. “You don’t need an introduction, Mister Park,” he laughs, voice higher pitched than would suit his burly frame. “Jeon Jungkook, interning as a Data Analyst at your dad’s company.”

Ugh, yeah right. As if the internship is what has got him all this wealth this guy is showing off. And the most generic post, too – Data Analyst? Taehyung can bet he pulled the name up on the spot.

“Wow, really? That’s amazing!”

Taehyung’s head snaps to look at Jimin in shock at the sincere happiness in the guy’s voice. Why? This is the enemy!

Wait.

No – that is not what he is supposed to be thinking! What the hell is he doing? Your date is not his competition, because he doesn't even want you. He'd be crazy to, after you left him without giving him the second chance he begged for. He doesn't want it now, it's too late.

It… is too late, right?

Maybe? Probably?

Oh, God, does he still want you? Apparently the answer isn't as much of a clear cut negation as he'd thought it would be.

His eyes jump back to you, aware he’s scanning your face like a forlorn lover but unable to mask his eyes when he just found out he isn't over you the way he has been thinking he was. You seem to be resolutely not looking his way but he chooses to take advantage of it and save every bit of you to his memory. You blocked him on all of social media the day you broke up with him and he had enough dignity to not stalk your friends and connections.

He’s basically seeing you after five whole years.

Your high cheekbones and round cheeks are rouged with colour just the way he knew they’d be because you tend to get warm in indoors gatherings. The fullness of your lips is painted a gorgeous wine red to complement the brighter shade of your off shoulders silk dress, just as he knew it would be. Your lashes fan up to your strong eyebrows, making you look every bit like the Goddess you are. You’re probably wearing heels because you stand taller than usual, coming up closer to his face – just the perfect height for him to tilt his face and—

No.

He gives a harsh blink and snaps his head away from you, tuning back into the conversation happening around them. You aren’t his ex – you’re Jimin’s dad’s employee’s date. He would do well to remember that.

Taehyung watches as you respond to Jimin's greeting, your smile so awkward, even the guy's giggles cannot cover up the grimace that sets upon his face. You and Jimin used to be close when Taehyung and you were together. His best friend decided to distance himself from you, too, as his way of comforting Taehyung. Which he appreciates a lot.

“Can I speak to you in private for a moment, Mister Park?” your date requests, garnering Taehyung's gaze on the guy again.

"Yeah, of course!” Jimin readily nods, probably looking for a way out of this uncomfortable exchange, even though he looks slightly confused just as Taehyung feels. “And please, call me Jimin. Mister Park is my dad.”

Chuckling, the two of them step away, leaving Taehyung standing with a gaping mouth next to you. Jimin looks over his shoulder with a meaningfully raised eyebrow.

“You gonna be okay?”

No. No, he doesn’t think so. He just found out he isn’t as immune to your presence as he thought five years would have made him, and that isn’t okay at all.

But he isn’t going to be a baby about it, not when he’s the host of the night. So he rolls his shoulders back and flashes his best friend a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine.”

Jimin walks away with your date, leaving Taehyung to awkwardly fidget with his hands. He looks at you from the corner of his eye – to immediately look away when he accidentally meets your gaze. In his peripheral vision, you seem to be fidgeting just as he is, eyes running all across the place to stay away from him.

God, this is so awkward. And dumb.

He clears his throat. “Uh… so…”

His gaze moves to the public on the lower floor to find something to talk about. Oh, there’s a waiter!

Taehyung looks at you, eyes huge and lower lip tucked into his mouth. “Can I get you something to drink, or…?”

You don’t look at him, simply leaning around him to pick up a glass from a tray he had no idea was kept next to him. “No, thanks,” you address him for the first time tonight – your first words to him after more than five years, “already got one.”

Rolling back on his heels, he nods to himself, hands sliding into the pockets of his trousers. What the hell is the 101 for talking to an estranged ex whom he might still have remnant feelings for? Does he make small talk? Ask you how you’ve been? Pretend you’re strangers? Ask you about your date? Tell you about what he’s been doing with his life ever since you parted ways from him?

Ask you to take him back?

Okay, yeah, definitely not that one.

Ugh. This is terrible.

Taehyung stares at you, long and hard, trying to come up with something better to say – something to get you to stop being so dismissive with him. But all that he finds filling his head are thoughts of how much you’ve changed over the time you’ve spent away from you. His gaze traces the slight crows feet next to your eyes, the slight sunken feel to your eyes, tightness around your mouth, narrowing of your nose. You’re wearing heavier than usual makeup. But then again, many of your ‘usuals’ ought to have changed now.

Unwittingly, he catches the sight of your empty wrist and is immediately reminded of the matching charms bracelets you’d bought the two of you. Even though he doesn’t wear it anymore – because, well, he thought he had moved on – he still has it safely kept in a locker, back at home.

He wonders if you threw yours away. Maybe he should, too. Would help with the indifference he's trying to achieve.

Clearing his throat when the awkward silence becomes suffocating, Taehyung chooses the safest path and talks about the club.

“I and Jimin had been planning Dionysus for over a year,” he begins, doing a mental fist pump when your gaze immediately flicks to him. “Feels good to be finally launching it."

Your gaze seems to soften slightly. Pulling the glass from your lips, you clear your throat and nod as you look away. "Congratulations." You jerk your chin towards the lower floor that is bustling with people. "Seems like a successful launch."

Instantly bashful at the subtle praise, his hand self-consciously goes to his hair – before he remembers how he has already messed it up. He makes a detour to his neck, cupping his fingers around the back beneath the suddenly too tight collar of his shirt.

“Well, uh, yeah. Thanks.”

His lips purse into a smile, yours don’t.

Taehyung wonders if you still simmer with the anger you'd unleashed on him when you left him. You look like you do, although he doesn't find it justified. If he was the one that hurt the two of you, you broke his heart too when you walked away. But he is trying his best to be polite, isn't he? What did he do to you worse than what you did to him?

→ five years ago;

“Why didn’t you come?”

Your face remained unchanged and Taehyung’s temper shot through the roof.

“I asked you a fucking question!”

“I heard you!” you yelled back just as loudly, one hand balled into a tight fist while the other leisurely carried the glass of wine to and fro between your lips and the kitchen island. “And chose to ignore you.”

“What the—” Taehyung cut himself off with gritted teeth, raking his fingers through his gelled hair and disrupting the hairdo. He roughly undid his tie and stalked up to you on angry feet. “I texted to ask if you needed me to send you a car, you said you would come by yourself, so why the fuck did you not?”

You shrugged your shoulders and carelessly let your silk gown slip off one of them, revealing the thin strap of your negligee to him. In a normal situation, the sight would have been enough to make Taehyung forget about all else and tear your clothes off to have you right there, in the middle of the kitchen. He had done it multiple times in the past. But today was different – today he was furious and embarrassed and disappointed. It was the success party of his dream variety show having collected impressive ratings in just the first week of its run, and he had needed you by his side to celebrate it fully.

But you didn’t show up at the damn venue.

And now you were here, back at your shared apartment, drinking freaking wine at 3 am of the night and acting as if it wasn’t a big deal that you skipped one of the most special celebrations of his life over some petty anger.

Sighing tiredly, Taehyung stepped away from you to shed more of his clothes until he was just in his pants and had his shirt hanging off his frame, unbuttoned. His stripped off garments were piled on the sofa, to be collected later when he finally went upstairs to your shared bedroom

Then he turned to look at you, only to click his tongue when he found you sitting in your place with a bored expression on your face. Walking up to your figure, he snatched the alcohol from your hand and glared down at your surprised face. This had been going on for months now and needed to stop.

“What is it? Why are you being like this? What do you want?”

Your face crumpled with a ton of sadness suddenly puncturing it, and even though you quickened to straighten your expressions into annoyance, Taehyung caught the slip. He could tell you were definitely about to lie to him. He just didn’t get why.

"I called you to tell you I won't be coming because I have an urgent, early flight to catch," you told him in a tight voice. "And guess what? Your assistant picked up the phone."

Taehyung threw his head back. Not this again. Your insecurity over his assistant was really uncharacteristic of you – and really stupid, because Somi was just a delusional kid who would someday grow up to realise Taehyung wasn't interested in anyone but you and stop with her meaningless little games she played around him.

You used to make fun of such women with him, in the past. What had changed? What was suddenly so different about this one person that you acted this way?

"Well, yeah. As I've told you before, she handles my phone when I'm busy. It's kinda the point of her being my assistant."

He could see your jaw working, the tight grip you had on the wine glass.

"Babe? What is going on?"

"Nothing, Tae," you gritted the words out. "Absolutely nothing's going on. My flight is at five, I need to go pack."

He frowned when you got up and tried to walk past him, and stopped you with a grasp of your elbow. "Hey, hey – can we talk? Please?"

You stayed frozen, looking away from him, so he spoke on.

"Um, where are you going? How long will you be?"

At that, you shrugged out of his grip. "Vienna. We're interviewing some Korean immigrants our team located last week."

"Ah, I see. How long will you be gone for?"

"Any time between three weeks to two months."

Two months? Taehyung roughly swallowed at the prospect of being away for that long. Things had been decidedly rocky between you both. How damaging could two months' distance be? Given your current state of agitation, he wasn't sure you'd even keep in touch with him.

Another thought suddenly occurred to him and his blood almost ran cold.

Was your so-called boss gonna be there with you? He had to know, even if it made him lose his mind.

"You're – you're going with a team, yeah?"

You shot him an irritated look. "Hoseok is going, too, he's leading us. That's what you wanna know, right?"

So he was going. Freaking Hoseok would be there with you, on a foreign land, and you would be there with him and forget about Taehyung completely. The way you always did in the guy's presence.

"Stop looking at me with so much disgust, he's my boss. I can't tell him not to go."

Taehyung scoffed as you moved towards the bedroom. "Yeah. As if you'd even want to."

You whirled around. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Taehyung was pretty sure he didn't need to explain that to you. He'd been hinting at it since September – he'd been explicitly saying it since October, since the freaking Halloween party your office had. So he didn't need to say anything anymore.

"What is this really about, babe? You didn't come to the celebration, you didn't even congratulate me, not once, and now you're leaving for weeks, possible months?"

You stared at him. "What could this be about, Taehyung?"

"Are you – are you trying to distance yourself?"

And there was that sadness suddenly crowding your face again.

And then you pushed it away again.

"Do you want me to?

You were talking in circles. "Babe. Please. If you leave when we're like this—"

"We've been like this for months, Taehyung!" You burst at him. "And nothing's gonna change, as long as you have that leech of an assistant trying to woo her way into your pants or whatever!"

Taehyung couldn't believe his ears. You were that bothered by that stupid girl? He would have let go of her in a heartbeat if he'd known. He still could – he would. But instead of telling you that, he decided to choose the path of pettiness.

"Yeah? And what about the way you can't help following wherever your boss leads you?"

"I can't quit my job, Tae!"

"And I can't fire my assistant!"

Silence prevailed after that. You glared at him, and he glared back. Until you just dropped all the aggression and looked at him with a cold stare.

"You know what? Maybe a little distance away from each other is exactly what we need right now."

The sucker-punch was delivered with your poker face, one that he was coming to hate with a passion now. Almost gasping for air, he shook his head, bewildered. “Wh–what? Distance?”

“Yes. We barely see each other. And when we do, we fight. All we do is disappoint each other, Taehyung. What are we doing in this farce of a relationship beyond hurting each other? I think it's better if we took some time off.”

It wasn’t the words you said that broke him – it was the ease with which you said them to him.

Taehyung wasn’t faultless, far from it. He forgot special days, skipped dinners, postponed dates. But he was trying to pursue his dream; a dream he had dreamt with you since you both started dating in college. You knew what this was gonna be like, and he felt like he had actually been doing better in the relationship than his expectations. Sure, he had his moments and got irrational sometimes – like he knew he was being about this entire Hoseok debacle – but that was only because he was under a lot of stress all the time. Just some comforting words and an embrace from you always had him back to being his normal self.

Did you not see it that way?

He loved you with his entire heart and soul, despite all his shortcomings.

Did you not care about that?

“D–don’t call it a farce…”

“Then let me wave out of it,” you bluntly said to him, raising your chin to let him glimpse into your eyes that held so much frustration, they gave him a physical push away from you. "Clean out the apartment before I'm back. Let's give each other space, yeah?"

Were you that unhappy with him?

What the hell was he doing to you?

“Baby… can – can we talk about this?”

“When? You don’t have time to talk about this, Tae. To talk about anything.” You shook your head, face blank and jaw gritted. “And let’s be honest, here. We went past the point of talking on your birthday, already.”

Taehyung groaned aloud, throwing his head back in sheer frustration. “This again?”

“No. I’m not starting anything, I’m just… trying to end it.”

And so you did.

Taehyung has never been the type to give up on people or situations easily, so that wasn’t the last of that conversation you both had. There were multiple attempts he made to get you to tell him what was actually bothering you because he always felt – and still does – that you said less than you wanted to, that day.

All of it fell on deaf ears, though, because you never came back to the apartment until he'd moved out, and blocked him on every social media platform when he got busy with shootings within the next few weeks.

He looks at you and sighs. How damn stupid of him is it to feel soft for you because he suspects there was more to your break up than you just throwing in the towel? Because that is what it comes down to – you made big commitments and promises about braving the hardships and supporting him through it all, but gave up because of doubts and frustrations when the two of you needed to stand strong.

And now he is gazing at you like a miserable fool, expecting you to do God knows what.

With another awkwardly cleared throat, Taehyung deduces he cannot keep standing here like a damn idiot. He points towards the side of the ballroom downstairs.

“Do you, like, wanna sit? Maybe? We – we have sofas and booths here?”

Wow. Way to go with them communications skills. Taehyung pulls his lips into his mouth, resisting the urge to throw himself off the balustrade in embarrassment.

You do nothing to ease his dumb fumbling, simple flipping your hair over your shoulder so that they swish over your cleavage to brush your breasts. They’ve gotten so much longer than he remembers.

“I will if I want to.”

For real? Okay, this is no good.

Your anger very obviously still burns as hot as it did the night you decided to throw him out of your life. He cannot navigate around this the easy way, he needs to change his tactics a bit if he’s going to survive this night without you murdering him. Maybe he should pretend you both are strangers. Treat you like he would any other attendee of the gala.

The clicking of your tongue brings him back, your irritated frown greeting him when he focuses on your face. “Are you babysitting me? I’ll be fine, you may go take care of whatever you need to.”

“Well, what I need to take care of is the guests,” Taehyung tells you with a shrug, not letting your cold remark get to him, but the soft feelings your presence had started to induce in him seem to be evaporating as time passes.

“Technically, I’m Jimin’s guest, not yours. You don’t have to keep hovering around me.”

“Oh, my God,” he groans, hitting the limit with your attitude.

The irritation he was hit with when he spotted you at this gathering is beginning to spike again. He wonders if he actually doesn't have any lingering affection for you at all – if it’s just nostalgia that he misinterpreted. You did break his heart and disregarded all his apologies and begging, he’s got every right to not give a damn about you.

And he gets your anger – he got it when you hurled it at him repeatedly, five years ago; and he gets it now – but insulting him in his own celebration isn’t okay. Especially when you could very well not interact with him at all and walk away any time. He notices how you keep trying to send him away but make no moves to leave yourself.

If this is an ego thing for you – well, he’s got an ego, too.

He calls your name with a tight voice. “You’re at a party that I am hosting with Jimin. You’re my guest, too, whether you like it or not. So you’ve got to let me be an accommodating host without reacting so rudely to everything I say.”

Fury beams from your eyes into his, but he braves it with unimpressed, furrowed brows. He remembers this look on your face more than he does your smile, as pitiful as the fact is. And so he knows you’ve reached a point in your fury where you stop arguing anymore. When you two were in a relationship, this used to piss him off like anything. But right now, it is kinda suiting his situation well.

You give him a terse nod.

“Thank you,” he mutters, exhaling in relief. “Now. Your date’s off with Jimin to talk about God knows what, so you can either stare around boredly and regret agreeing to coming here, or you can let me guide you to a comfortable sitting nook where you can have drinks and snacks delivered to you. Until Jeon comes back for you, that is.”

This time you’re the one that exhales, losing some lines from your face. “I don't want to cause drama or be a bitch. I just… didn’t expect to see you here. This is uncomfortable and disappointing.”

Ouch? Well. At least he tried to be nice, right?

“Right, okay… likewise.” Taehyung rolls his eyes, walking around you to step towards the stairwell that leads downstairs. “Come along.”

Every now and then, he peeks over his shoulder to check if you’re following, feeling more than a little satisfied to find you staring at the back of his head each time. Yes, you aren’t the only one with an attitude.

On reaching the downstairs landing, he is in the process of moving towards the ballroom when you call out his name. He twists on his heels with raised eyebrows to find you pointing towards a slightly dark hallway behind the stairs, an intrigued and somewhat suspicious look on your face.

“Does that lead to a secret wing of the house, or something?”

Taehyung barks a bout of laughter. “No. That’s an indoor connection to the club.”

Your head whips to look at him with wide eyes. “The club is… here?”

“I mean, yeah? Kind of.” He points downwards with a finger. “This is Jimin’s place, so he wanted an internal route to—”

“Wait, this is Jimin’s place?” Your eyes are wider than before.

Inhaling deeply once, he pushes his tongue into his cheek as he stares at you with narrowed eyes. Did you even know what function your ‘date’ was bringing you to?

“I – I mean, it looks like a… well. A castle, to be honest,” you muse in wonder, looking up at the high ceilings.

Taehyung follows your gaze, nodding slowly. “It is, yeah. It’s also got a museum on one side that has all the ancient stuff from the era of the monarch that used to live here.”

For the first time tonight, you seem to be actually listening to him. And despite all the bitterness and anger he feels, he cannot hold back the soft smile that breaks out onto his face at the sight of your parted lips.

“Jimin lives in a museum?”

This time, Taehyung lets out a full belly laugh. “This is not Jimin’s home! I meant he bought the building. So it’s more like a – a vacation house, I guess. He doesn’t live here but comes around a lot. This castle is why we picked this place for Dionysus. The museum gathers a good amount of tourists. They could all use a drink and a good space to wind down after their excursions.”

You nod distractedly, still looking towards the hallway as you step down to the floor and off the last stair. Taehyung walks up to stand in front of you, smirking at the fascination on your face. You could be old and ageing, but this look of childlike wonder will always look the same on you. It has remained unchanged in the twelve-something years he has known you for.

“Do you wanna see?”

You blink, leaning away. “See – see what?”

“The club?”

You don’t say a word, quietly gulping, and look in the previous direction past his shoulders. Taehyung snorts at the innocence you unwittingly elude, sighing at the fondness that unfurls in his chest despite all the heartache.

“Come on.”

He walks ahead and you follow him, the dimly lit hallway echoing with the clack of your heels. Then you hum.

“This part of the town is somewhat secluded, almost at the city borders. How are you maintaining security here?”

Taehyung’s lips curve up in a secret, melancholic smile. You always had so many questions about everything. It makes him feel endeared and delivers a pinch to his heart all the same. He misses you – but he also doesn’t, because the you that he misses has been left in the past, beneath all the scowls and brimming disappointment you had come to be full of during the last few months of your relationship.

He sighs, focussing his thoughts on your question.

“Well. We have come up with a lot of new tech and Jimin arranged for a top notch security staff. His dad’s friends with this Kim Seok-something guy… he might be here tonight, actually. So, there is only a sure shot way of getting into the club, no stragglers can wander in.”

At the end of the hallway is a glass door, guarded by two really tall, really buff men. Next to the door, a steel box is mounted to the wall – the most important piece of equipment about Dionysus, coming up with which with their team of engineers took almost as long as constructing the infrastructure.

“Here!” Taehyung announces, gesturing towards the box with both hands. “This is the machine that will read your entry pass.”

You blink at him. “I don’t… have an entry pass?”

He nods, pointing at one of the guards. “Josh, our passes, please?”

The man gives a small bow to Taehyung and produces a mechanised stamp that looks like a tiny taser, clicking on a button. Taehyung lifts the cuff of his suit jacket and shirt to present the skin of his wrist to the stamp, and Josh leaves a QR code on his skin.

“Woah!” Your exclamation resounds from behind him. “That’s gonna get people into the club?”

"Yep." He turns to you with a proud grin. “Move in or out of the club. New tech, right?”

“Damn,” you mutter, looking impressed as you forward your own wrist to Josh.

Taehyung shakes his head. “Uh, no, not like this. The stamp needs to stay covered with a piece of clothing or the neon lights inside can spoil it and you won’t be able to leave.”

Both arms extended in front of you, you look at yourself. “I don’t have a sleeve… or a collar.”

His own eyes sweep down your form, tongue coming out to wet his lips at the sight of your flared hips and full breasts encased in this fitted cloth in his favourite colour. Clearing his throat at how perverted he is being, he quickly looks away and searches his pockets for a handkerchief, only to come up empty.

“Well… maybe beneath the neckline?” you question, frowning at the layer of the dress covering your cleavage.

Josh shrugs a shoulder, eyeing Taehyung. “Could work?”

Taehyung looks at your neckline which is seriously so low, he isn't sure how something can be placed beneath this without compromising your modesty. He nods, almost in a daze, unable to move his gaze off the curves of the tops of your breasts as he now starts to wonder how this dress is even staying up.

But when you begin to peel the cloth an inch down the slope of your chest and Josh’s hand moves towards you, Taehyung jumps into action and grips the guard’s wrist. Shooting a really unwarranted glare at the man, he plucks the device off his hands. “Let me.”

He moves to carefully stand before you, eyes meeting yours in slight panic when it finally registers to him how he got really unnecessarily protective over his ex from years back. What the heck must you think of him? He can’t read much of your opinion in your gaze, your eyes looking mostly awash with shock, staring at him unblinkingly.

Moving forward with the stamp, he watches your throat move in a rough swallow, body visibly tensing when he steps even closer to you. His keen eyes observe every single movement in your person, scanning the way your eyelids flutter, the way your lips puff out short breaths, the way your chest moves up and down rapidly. He wonders if you are breathless as he is.

He looks at your supple flesh, inching his hand forward at snail's pace. The smooth texture of your skin, the rounded curve – he is transfixed, aware that if he rolled the dress another two inches down, he would be able to see your nipple. He wonders if it will be hard already due to the air-conditioning, or if it would puff up his stare. Under his touch, maybe? Definitely under his tongue…

“T—Taehyung?”

He jolts out of his extremely inappropriate thoughts, gaze snapping up to your face in horror. You hold the same expressions as before, looking even more breathless.

But Taehyung remembers himself.

Leaning a few inches away from you, he reminds himself of where you both stand in your current lives – you aren't the woman he was in love with, you're one of Jimin's guests at this party, and you have come here with a date. He has no right to be thinking these thoughts and you honestly shouldn’t be entertaining him with these large eyes. Doesn't mean it makes it any less worse of him to be coming onto you.

You have moved on. And he is supposed to have, too.

Channelling maturity and practising restraint, both of which he didn't know he possessed, Taehyung grinds his teeth and holds the stamp over your skin. He pushes the button, eyes resolutely looking just at the QR code as it gets printed on your skin.

"There," he breathes, deflating in relief, and jumps away from you as soon as he's done, as if burned by the proximity.

Well, he might actually be. He feels pretty singed, if he is being honest.

Stuffing the stamp back into its holder, he flashes the code on his wrist in front of the scanner on another face of the box. A ping resounds around him and the door unlocks.

"Did you see?" he asks over his shoulder. "Put the stamp within a foot's distance from the scanner."

You step up next to the box, the door locking within five seconds of no entry, and angle your chest close to the scanner. Due to the dim lights, Taehyung isn't sure if it's his stupid wishful thinking or if you actually look a bit shaken up.

A ping echoes in the hallway, and the door gives. With something akin to sparkle in your eyes, you skip through the doorway with a grin.

"This is fantastic!"

Taehyung scans his own stamp and slides in after you.

"And, we're in!" he announces, falling in step next to you and looks straight ahead to avoid the adorable excitement that is sure to be etched on your face. "Wanna look around?"

You hum, footsteps falling slightly behind his own as he guides you around the place.

Taehyung finds himself entranced everytime he walks through Dionysus. It's still hard to believe that all the plans he and Jimin pored over, sometimes pulling all-nighters to come up with innovative ideas, have finally taken a corporeal form. Every colour, texture and material of everything used in constructing this place has been chosen by him and approved by Jimin, or vice versa. Well, more vice versa because despite his own field of study being far removed from construction, he still has quite a good idea for these things due to his dad's company.

Sighing at the reminder of the man that has caused more troubles in his life than he can count, Taehyung clears his throat and looks over you.

Unwittingly, his mind travels back in time for the third time tonight. You always sported a shorter hairstyle when the two of you were together. And though Taehyung has absolutely adored every hairstyle you have worn – would have loved you without hair, too, he’s certain – there’s something about seeing you in waist-length hair that makes something ache in his chest.

→ eight years ago;

“Are you never gonna grow your hair out?”

Your mirthy eyes squinted with laughter as you swooped towards him to kiss his pouty lips. “Long hair requires maintenance that I don’t have the time to spare for, baby, you know it.” You brushed a hand through your shoulder length tresses, raising your eyebrows. “Thought you liked me with short hair?”

“I do.” Taehyung nodded, fitting his head in your lap. “But… we’ve been out of the college for over a year… don’t you wanna, like, make those high buns and wear gowns on our dates sometimes?”

You cackled at his words, head leaning away with the force of your giggles. “Do you want me to make buns and wear gowns, Tae?”

He could feel his cheeks warming up, but said nothing.

“Tae baby,” you sighed. “I’m trying to find my footing in the ever-changing world of journalism and work at an NGO. I don't even have time to comb my hair, half the days, now when it's so manageable. How will I do it for long hair?"

“I can do it for you?”

The meek offer was out before Taehyung could pause to even really think what it meant. Your eyes were wide as you bent your head to look at him.

“Are you serious? You want me to have long hair that bad?”

Bashful and a little embarrassed, he sat up and shook his head in negation, avoiding your eyes at all costs. “No, of course not. I just… I meant if the only reason is that you can’t take care of it, I can do it for you.” He looked into your eyes then. “I can always take care of everything for you whenever it gets too much for you, you know that right?”

Eyes misty and smile quivering, you had captured his lips at that and promised him you’d grow your hair out for him whenever life gave you a second to breathe.

And apparently, your breather came after you ended things with him. Figures.

Sighing morosely, Taehyung eyes the way your steps are a bit off in your heels, and he very casually points at the seating area to one side, thinking nothing of his words as he suggests, “Have a sit if you need to relax your calves.”

He doesn’t realise anything is strange until he sees that you’ve stopped walking and are giving him a long look. That is when his eyes widen.

You were never fond of wearing heels. At most an hour, and then you would be taking off your footwear and finding some cosy place to sit where Taehyung would find you and give your feet and calves a massage. That often led to the two of you sneaking off to continue the massage in a more private setting.

Shit.

He’s about to explain that he didn’t mean it like that when your stare wavers, nostrils flaring as you clear your throat. “No, I’m okay. Does your club have a bar?”

For a moment, it felt like he had you on the same page as himself. But now you’ve closed the book.

“And a bartender,” Taehyung sighs, sliding his hands in his pocket to lead you to the bar.

“Hyung!” Jungwon grins, waving at him before he spots you and drops into a bow. “Good evening, ma’am! Welcome to Dionysus! Are you having a nice night?”

Chuckling at the enthusiastic greeting, Taehyung turns to look at you, landing in confusion when he sees you squinting at Jungwon in extreme suspicion. Taehyung calls your name, and you simply tilt your head, examining the boy more closely.

“How old are you, Jungwon?”

The kid’s eyes jump as wide as Taehyung’s own. “Uh…”

“You do not look eighteen, kid.”

He isn’t. And of course you would realise it.

“I… I will turn eighteen in March.”

“Well then you can work the bar in March, kid.” Your glare is sharp and hand stiff when you lift it to point towards the exit. “Out of this establishment before I call child services on your boss.”

Jungwon gives a panicked glance at Taehyung at which he can only nod because he knows you don’t have to call child services – you are child services. Well, not working with the government but your NGO definitely has good connections and enough prominence to uproot his whole club just because of Jungwon’s part-time hiring. And letting go of Jungwon is you giving Taehyung a warning before taking a serious action. He knows you well enough to know that much.

The moment the kid has collected his backpack and left through the door, your glare turns to Taehyung. "We talked about this, Taehyung. And you promised you wouldn't bring in any minors in any kind of work before they're done with their education."

Yeah, he did, but it was in a very different context. Scouting minors for reality shows and hiring them as bartenders has nothing in common and Taehyung is just about to remind you of the same when he suddenly stops.

Plays your words in his head again.

And barely contains a gasp.

Because… did you just address the past? Acknowledge the fact that you are actually more than just Jimin's guest's date here and that you and him have actually met prior to this?

You did.

Shit.

His eyes are wide and lips are parted and now he doesn't know what to say.

Nearly seven years back, when Taehyung was trying to make a name in the entertainment industry, attempting to surpass existing PDs with his maximal creativity and eccentric ideas, he came up with this concept of a game show with school going kids. But as soon as he started working on it, you had a talk with him, explaining how risky it was for kids' development to be exposed to the world of cameras and reality television so early on. Especially kids that didn't want to get into the entertainment industry after growing up. Taehyung had listened to you, as he often did back then, and scrapped the idea.

And now he's here again, having hired an underage bartender. He sees the fault in his ways and drops his head.

"I'm sorry."

Your sigh sounds extremely tired, just as defeated as your gaze. "You always are, Taehyung."

That makes him frown, angering him more so when you turn around to walk further into the club.

"Hey," he calls out, briskly following you. "I've been listening to you being passive aggressive all night, but you've gotta stop, okay? You're the one that came to my party. Stop acting like I forced you to talk to me."

You swerve in your place so suddenly, Taehyung has to put an effort to stop himself from colliding into you. Your eyes spit fire at him.

"Oh, yeah? What the hell is this, then? I didn't come to your party, for the last time, I came to Jimin's. So why won't you let me be his guest and get the hell lost?"

He sees that you're done holding back. Well. He is, too.

"I know where this is coming from," he grits out, leaning down to seethe into your face. "Are you angry at your little date for not informing you you’re gonna see me here?”

You scoff with a humourless laugh. “Are you kidding me? You’re actually jealous of Jungkook? Is this why you won’t leave me alone in the hall?”

“Okay one – I’m not jealous, I don’t care what you do in your life, let alone your dating life,” Taehyung sneers with derision he doesn’t mean, and the sudden flash of hurt on your face doesn’t give him nearly as much satisfaction as he’d hoped it would. “And two – I didn’t wanna leave you alone because I was trying to be a good host!”

“Oh?” Your eyes narrow. “Well, how about this – if you really wanna be a good host, just call me a damned cab and let me leave.”

Taehyung’s face falls at your words, way too quickly before he can contain himself. “L–leave?” And then he stutters, proving himself to be as pathetic as he’s sure you think him to be.

But you don’t react with the same fiery anger. Instead, your eyes get clouded with confusion and hands unfurl from the angry fists. “Yeah. Coming here was an obvious mistake, I shouldn’t have let Jeon sweet talk me into it…”

As he’s about to tell you to not leave just yet and make promises of leaving you alone, your words register in his head. “Jeon?”

Your eyes widen and cheeks flush. “J–Jungkook. I meant Jungkook.”

“Of course you meant that, but that is not what you said!”

Taehyung stalks up to you, crowding you against the bar counter, drinking the way your eyes grow in size and shoulders rise up in your telltale sign of nervousness. He says your name, slowly and deeply, leaning over you to have your breasts brush his chest, the way you give a slight shiver at his enunciation of your name making him shiver too.

“Is Jungkook really your date?”

A pearlescent row of teeth bites into your lush, red painted lower lip. “Yeah, he’s really my date.” Taehyung raises a single eyebrow and you immediately shut your eyes, turning your head slightly to the left with a wince. “But… he’s a friend and asked me to come here with him as a friend.”

Oh, God.

Taehyung hates himself for the way relief rushes through his veins and overtakes his entire body at your words, because what the actual fuck? Why is he relieved? Heartbreak, break up, moving on, hello?

Nope, no one's home.

He stares into your eyes when you open them again, brain foggy with so many questions he cannot pick which one to put up first. Just the way he can't decipher what this wide-eyed look in your eyes means.

What wouldn’t he give to be able to glimpse into what you’re thinking right now…

Stupid Jungkook and his stupid freaking doe eyes that landed you here. And stupid you for not even researching where you were going, so eager to jump the chance to escape the confines of your too empty apartment when you were slapped with a month long break from the news channel you work at.

They were afraid you were gonna have a 'burn out' – dumb concept that definitely doesn't mean anything to you, because you need work to keep going. If you're not drafting reports or editing scoops, you're visiting the NGO you joined fifteen years ago and have become the Director of, now. But the traitorous staff there sent you home, too, when they saw how ‘gaunt’ you looked, which – again, means nothing to you because keeping your mind occupied takes a higher prominence for you than maintaining your looks.

The thing is, you still live in the apartment you have shared with Taehyung for over three years. It’s unhealthy, you’re aware, but you played yourself by trying to act strong, and now you keep looking for excuses to leave your home for as long as you can. Which is why Jungkook’s offer, the first semblance of respite in a little over two weeks, came as a blessing that you were quick to grasp.

Well, look where it has landed you – pressed up between a bar counter and the very same ex, escaping the ghost of whose presence made you come here.

Although, looking into Taehyung’s mellow brown eyes, you try to figure out who you are really looking at. Is it the ex you left behind, the man you had to push out of your life because he stopped loving you?

Is it the one guy that you'd dreamt a future with? The one guy in the entire world you'd given enough power to hurt you? The guy that did break your heart?

Tears gather on your waterline as images from your past cascade in your mind, and you flutter your eyelids to suck the salty liquid back in. There is no use reminiscing what has been lost.

Because this man who stands before you is none of those things. He is just a successful variety show director who has now stepped into the world of business by running a club. The guy who you deemed the love of your life, performing arts Junior Kim Taehyung who was growing into this amazing young man full of so many dreams – who wanted to hold your hand through the process of making them come true – has been left in the past. His feelings, plans and intentions had changed long before you realised he was done caring about you. He had stopped being the guy you fell for, long before you walked away.

But even as you remind yourself of those things, you cannot help scanning his face with a frenzied gaze as if trying to save up every changed detail of him, the matured lines around his mouth and eyes, the stronger structure of his nose and jaw.

Why are you doing this to yourself? And why is he doing this to you? Holding onto your arms so fiercely and looking into your eyes with such blatant distress? And why is your heart beating so loud in response to his proximity?

"I…" He moves a miniscule bit closer and you stifle a gasp when his familiar breath washes over your face. "I have missed you."

Oh, God, no.

No no no no – he can't say stuff like this after everything you've been through. You refuse to accept it. With a vehement scowl, you shove him off you, turning away from the hurt that splashes across his face.

"Stop this, Taehyung." You wish your voice came out stronger than a helpless plea, but it ends in a whisper of his name. "Let me just go ho—"

"Does seeing me here not affect you at all?"

Your gaze snaps to his in surprise, lips turning downwards when you see the way his eyes are dunked in sorrow. "Taehyung…"

"Does it not matter to you at all? It's – it's been five years… have you not missed me? At all?"

His restlessness visibly grows with every sentence and you wring your fingers together, nervous for no reason. "I… There's – there's no point to this conversation, Taehyung, we—"

"Yes, there is!"

He frowns at you furiously, jaw tightened and fists clenched, but stays rooted to his place without moving towards you. Anger never used to be something you saw on Taehyung much. If he could go without it in a situation, he always chose that path. This also meant that the few times when he did get mad, he didn't know how to handle the feeling or how to act. And so, fearing God knows what, he always maintained physical distance from you when he got annoyed.

Hence, the way he holds himself tightly away from you confirms that he is extremely angry, right now.

Your lips turned back into your mouth, you try to nod in a placating manner, letting him say his thing instead of trying to fight and causing him more anguish.

"You… you just left me," he begins, looking more confused and lost than agitated. "Never talked about us, never let me talk, just… up and exited out of my life. Disappeared from the apartment until I'd cleaned it out, blocked me everywhere you could, even told your building's freaking security guard to not let me in!"

You duck your head, cheeks heating up in embarrassment, because his accusation is right. You started hiding from him the day after you broke up, scared he would convince you to try again with just one glance. But you were beyond the point trying, already. The two of you were getting bigger and busier in your respective fields and growing more distant from each other. You both forgot about the tenderness of all the promises you made to each other in college and let insecurity, suspicion and toxicity between you.

"Say something," he brokenly calls out, staring at you with his eyes defeated and shoulders slumped.

"There's nothing to say, Taehyung," you whisper, unable to maintain eye-contact.

"How?" he beseeches, throwing his hands up. "You left me and then avoided me like the plague… You treated me as if I'd cheated on you because you were suspicious!"

Now you're angry too. "Okay, one – I never treated you like that. And should I remind you I wasn't alone in my suspicions? Somi came into your life because you were insecure about me and my boss!"

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe there was a reason I was so insecure about you both?"

"Reason? Taehyung, what the—" You shut your eyes to calm yourself down from screaming. "Are you really going to keep spinning this in circles and not once acknowledge that it was petty and stupid of you to try to make me jealous through Somi?"

Taehyung's throat bobs in a nervous swallow, his quickly changing demeanour telling you he's been caught by surprise. You give a scoff, rolling your eyes, and walk up to the bar next to you to raise yourself up and sit on one of the stools.

He follows you with pursed lips, tentatively walking up to stand next to you.

“There was nothing there, by the way,” he quietly says. “Feel like I should clarify that because I never really have before. Somi was still in college, foolish and a bit disillusioned. And I just didn’t want to destroy the rest of her career because you and I were going through a rough patch.”

You never really suspected he was having an affair, to begin with, but that didn’t lessen the insult and hurt you felt at the unnecessary means he used in order to slight you. What he just said, though, makes your head hurt.

“Taehyung. Are you listening to yourself? You really chose to secure a girl’s career instead of saving our relationship! And then you accused me of having my priorities messed up.”

He responds to your aggression with a dejected hum. “It sounded shitty even as I was saying it. But that was me, then. And I regret not trying hard enough. Although,” he breathes, looking at you with sad eyes as he says your name with a sadder sigh. "Don't say I chose to protect her over us, please don't say that…"

“That is pretty much how it went down, though.” You blink your tears away and bite on your bottom lip. "Do you remember your twenty-fourth birthday?"

You can spot the second Taehyung shows those familiar signs of irritation, and you are ready with your scoff. It has been four years, and he's still doing this?

"Don't give me that look. You don't know how excited—"

"And you don't know how upset I was!" he speaks over you, looking almost as angry as he did that night when you confronted him.

→ five years ago;

“What do you mean he’s away?” you barked into the phone, painted nails digging into your palms and furious eyes scanning the people scattered around the living room. “What’s going on, Jimin?”

The man on the phone sighed. “Kid, I don’t know the exact details of his schedule – I won’t have wasted a week setting things up with you if I did, trust me. It’s just what his assistant told me. They're both away to attend a very important meeting, or some shit. They can't be back until tomorrow morning. Since when does he even have an assistant?”

You rubbed at your forehead, brain melting into a useless pulp from all the stress, but plastered a smile on your face when one of the guests looked your way. “Since Halloween,” was gritted out of your clenched teeth, lips barely moving.

“Is everyone there already?”

“Yes, Jimin. Even his mom arrived fifteen minutes ago,” you informed your boyfriend’s best friend, looking at the woman mentioned, with a distressed sigh. “More than twenty hearts that I set up to break.”

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Jimin reprimanded you, the sound of his footfalls echoing through the phone due to what you assumed were the empty hallways of Taehyung’s studio where his office was located. “First off, we both decided it would be a good surprise. So we both take the fall of it blowing up in our faces. And secondly, Tae is breaking their hearts, kid. Not us.”

Your eyes watered despite Jimin’s reassurance, throat tightening at the prospect of all the questions and judgemental stares you would be subjected to on top of the disappointment from your guests. Not to mention Taehyung’s mom who took a flight out of Daegu at your insistence.

“I’ll be there soon and we’ll tell them together, okay? Just hold on for a while.”

God bless his precious soul, but Jimin’s presence wasn’t going to make things any easier for you. The reality of the night remained that you’d planned a surprise get-together for your boyfriend’s twenty-fourth birthday, collecting the closest of your friends and his to treat them to a small party at home, hoping to sew up some of the distance that had started to fester between the two of you for the last couple of months.

And he didn’t show up. Chose to attend a 'very important meeting' instead. And took his assistant along.

Your heart was shattering with each breath you took, but the night went on.

Jimin helped you make up a lie about Taehyung getting caught up in a shooting that ran late which had delayed him from arriving on time. You convinced your guests to not stay back so late and wait for him because 'he would feel guilty,' and bid them farewell with an apology and a homemade cupcake in their hands as a parting gift. Missus Kim stayed back, eyeing you with a narrowed gaze when everyone had filtered out of your apartment.

“He isn’t just late, is he?”

You jumped at her words, panicked eyes meeting Jimin's, who froze in the middle of slipping on his boots to take his own leave.

“Don’t look at him,” the gorgeous woman caught you, chuckling. “He’s just as bad of a liar as you.”

Jimin stood up with a guilty grimace, bowing his head in apology. “I’m sorry, Mom."

She waved a hand, dismissing him with pursed lips. "Do you both even know where he is?"

No, you had no idea.

"He's… not in Seoul, actually."

Your gaze snapped to Jimin at his revelation. He hadn't told you that.

Taehyung… wasn't in the city? Where was he? When did he leave?

He had taken his assistant with him. He didn't pick up your calls all night. His assistant picked up his phone, only when Jimin called.

Was he really away on work, or…?

No, it had to be work. You refused to jump to conclusions. He would never do this to you; not in this life, or any other that you two found yourselves together in.

But then… Why did he not tell you he was leaving?

Why wasn't he returning your calls?

What was your boyfriend hiding from you?

Heart crumpling, head pounding and darkness clouding your vision, you fell into a heap on the floor. Two pairs of legs made a frantic dash towards you, their worried voices and calls of your name reaching you through a long, narrow tunnel.

But your chest burned with humiliation and grief, things falling into themselves until you passed out on your living room floor.

When the next morning came, you were barely able to relax at the waking up without last night's paranoia in your mind, before the news reports caught up with you – your boyfriend and assistant had been spotted and photographed visiting a k-drama actress' manager in Incheon, last night. Apparently he was preparing for a 'March release' for his variety show and 'trivial things like birthdays' were not going to make him falter in his determination of working hard.

You had sat stunned at the kitchen table for hours, coffee forgotten and eyes swollen, until Taehyung arrived sometime in the late morning.

“You missed your party yesterday.”

“Ah, I know. Mom called. She was mad.”

Taehyung didn’t even look your way, simply laid down on the couch and decided to nap.

You scoffed, walking up to him with a frown. “Taehyung. It was insulting and very hurtful that you decided to just leave town without telling me.”

“Somi told Jimin, didn't he tell you?" he mumbled from beneath the arm he had over his face.

You bristled at the casual way he said his assistant's name. "Oh, yeah, he did. He also told me Somi picked up your phone. The same phone which I called on at least fifty times and got no response.

He gave a click of his tongue, still lying motionless. "What's the big deal with her handling my phone? She had it because I was talking to an important person."

"The big deal is that your phone is supposed to be private. You have a girlfriend that might send you private messages that no one but you should be privy to." You rolled your shoulders back. "On that note… maybe you should remind your assistant of the fact that you have a girlfriend."

“I have, multiple times. But... I don't think she's really all that wrong to not believe me when my ‘girlfriend’ had never even visited me at work, not once.”

“That's not fair, Tae. You've never visited my newsroom either, but I don't complain!”

“I haven't visited because you haven't invited me! And why would you? Wouldn't want Hoseok to know you have a boyfriend, right?”

You groaned, massaging your forehead as your irritation peaked. “Really? This again? Taehyung, for fuck’s sake, he's my boss.”

“He asked you to go to the Halloween Ball with him—”

“As colleagues!”

“That's what you think. Or maybe that's what you want me to think. But I'm not stupid.”

“No, you're not,” you gritted out, stare menacing and full of hatred. “You're an absolute dumbass. So you humiliated me in front of all our guests and let your mother question how weak our relationship has been because you won't trust me about Hoseok? Is that what this is? Did you go there with Somi as some dumb ploy to make me jealous?”

“What does it matter, anyway? Not like you're gonna feel anything, you never have. You don't care where I am or who I am with.”

“Where – where the fuck is this coming from? I don't feel stupidly jealous because I am secure in our relationship! I trust you and know that no matter what anyone tries, you're never gonna betray me!”

“Oh? And I'm insecure for not liking the fact that your boss asked you to go to a party with him? When he knew you have a boyfriend?”

“Yes! Yes, you're insecure! Which doesn't make any sense, because look at you, Tae! Have you seen yourself? A successful PD that artists run after to get him to take them into his variety shows. Idols flirt with you! Anyone would feel like the luckiest person in the world to be with you!”

“Do you?”

“What?”

“Do you feel lucky to be with me?”

What the heck was he trying to get on? "Of course, I feel lucky to have you, Tae. What sort of a question is that?"

For a moment, something soft and familiar entered his face. But the next second, it was back to harsh lines and twisted anger that you did not recognise, at all.

"Well, you sure don't act like it."

Stunned, you just stared at him for a while. When it became apparent that he was waiting for you to say something to defend his baseless blame, you scoffed.

"I have a busy job and an NGO to take care of. I'm sorry I can't be a doting girlfriend all the time that worships the floor you walk on!" You shook your head. "But it's nothing you didn't already know when we started dating, Tae."

He didn't look towards you, instead staring at his hands. "You had time for the Halloween gala. You made time for the Christmas gala. You just… It's not about time. You've just stopped prioritising me." With a quick glance tossed at you, he allowed you to peak at all the heartbreak he contained in him. But then he gave a wry chuckle. "Or maybe, something about your office events makes you want to distance yourself from me?"

His indication was, clear as day, Hoseok again.

You ground your teeth in pain coloured irritation. "You're talking out of your ass, Kim Taehyung. For the last time, he's my boss and—"

"I'm done with this conversation." He made to step away with a roll of his eyes but you stopped him.

"No, you're not. Stop being an insecure asshole and apologise for last night," you beseeched, looking into his eyes with a defeated sigh and slumped shoulders. "That was all I wanted, to begin with."

"Maybe sometime later, I'm too agitated to apologise right now."

And he shoved your hand off his arm and stalked towards the bathroom.

As you went about cleaning the scatter of supplies you'd left in the kitchen after last night, your need for an apology from him went down and the need for a breather away from him started to surface.

The decision you finally made after four months had started to cement that morning, on the last day of the year and the first day of the defeat you felt for the two of you.

Blinking away tears, you look at Taehyung's face and wonder if he remembers as much as you do. Or if his own annoyance over the situation still clouds his sense of what he did wrong that day.

"Upset?"

"Yeah, upset. More often than not, I felt like this airheaded guy next to you because our works were so vastly different. You were dealing with real people, real problems – and I was creating dumb shows to entertain people with these simulations of made up problems." He looks at you with pained eyes. "And then you had someone like Hoseok wanting to take you to events with him."

"What do you mean by someone like Hoseok?" you ask with a small groan, hating the memories of all the fights you both had because of the unsuspecting guy.

"Someone smart, someone fun. Someone who understood your work. Someone you could confide in better than me. Someone who spent way more time with you than I ever could because of our schedules and busy jobs." He shrugs his shoulders, looking down at his feet. "I felt like if he really tried, Hoseok could steal you away from me. And some part of me actually realised that it would be good for you if it happened. And that drove me nuts."

This is the first time he has ever expressed the true extent of his insecurity about Hoseok – the man who is still your boss but is now in a happy marriage, because despite Taehyung's suspicions, neither you nor Hoseok ever had any kind of feelings for each other.

"Taehyung," you sigh, eyes misting at the way he stands with his limbs curled in, as if trying to make himself look smaller. "It was never like that. Never ever."

"Then why did you break up with me before a trip with him?"

Surprised at the way he has twisted up his view of the situation, you quickly step towards him and shake your head. "No. No it wasn't like that, at all. I broke – broke up because we had stopped understanding each other," you try to remind him. "It was never about anybody else. Not Hoseok, not Somi. It was about our trust in each other and the way it was crumbling under the pressure of our demanding workplaces. We were becoming toxic for each other, Tae."

Taehyung doesn't look like he understands any of that. And you know why. He has always been very simple and raw about his emotions and feelings – never really getting into gritty details of anything other than what he feels when it came to your relationship. He always believed that you could make it work as long as you had each other; as long as you had love. But that is not how it works. And he has to understand that.

"Do you resent me?"

He looks at you in surprise at your question.

"For breaking your heart?"

"I resent you for breaking both of our hearts," he tells you and a thick layer of comfort washes over you at his acknowledgement of your own hurt. "There were so many other things we could have done, back then… Things that would've saved our mental health as well our relationship. We could've gotten professional help, went to couple therapy, maybe lived separately for a while. But you just gave up."

You hang your head, fully aware that every single word he is saying is true.

Back then, you were obsessed with the idea of salvaging your sanity and not wasting away your youth by crying over your relationship, because you were so full of energy and drive that you felt like you could really change the world if you tried hard enough. Being with Taehyung started to be synonymous to pain and frustration, which you inadvertently brought to work and had it affect your productivity. It started taking a toll on you after a while, so much so that cutting things off to allow both of you to breathe was the best solution you could come up with.

Now, though, looking back at how difficult it has been to cope with all that world has to offer, by your lonesome self, maybe you'd do things differently.

But you still stand by the reality that you only did what you felt would be good for you both.

“Are you still mad at me about the Somi debacle?”

You are not surprised that he puts up the question. It’s as you have always known; Taehyung doesn’t care much for the complexities in a relationship beyond the baser emotions. When he’s in love, he’s just in love – and when you’re angry, you’re just angry in his eyes.

Very silently, you breathe out and shake your head. “It was never really about Somi. I just explained it to you.”

“I… Then why have you been so cold to me the entire time, tonight?”

The vulnerability in his small voice tears down all the protective walls you have built up high around your heart.

“Tae…”

You don’t even know what to say to him, how to explain what you feel. You definitely have been avoiding him, ignoring him and yelling at him – but is it because you are actually angry? Or just trying to avoid your true feelings? You don’t know.

“I don’t know,” you honestly admit, slipping off the stool, your eyes lowered to his feet. “I’m sorry for being a bitch, but… I just… I don’t know, Tae. I never should have come here. I’m sorry I ruined your night.”

You turn away from him, closing your eyes to keep tears at bay. You should have left this party the moment you found out Jimin was hosting it with Taehyung. You should have… moved out of the damn apartment after your break-up.

But you thought you were strong enough to brave all of this without anything getting to you. Well, you were wrong. A lot of it has gotten to you and you don’t even know how long it will take for you to get back on your feet. Maybe you should start with moving out of the apartment, foremost.

You’re still ruminating on your regrets, when a strong hand grabs your upper arm from behind. You didn’t even hear him move. Before you can turn to look at him, you feel his presence directly up against your back, his damp exhales warm on the exposed skin of your shoulder.

“You didn’t ruin my night,” whispers his deep, gruff voice next to the shell of your ear and you shudder. “You ruined me. All those years ago… you ruined me when you left.”

Breathing sped up, you slowly turn in his arms, coming up so close to his face when you look up, that you have to repeatedly blink to ground yourself.

He is so beautiful. Hair up and away from his forehead but still slightly messy because he has this habit of fiddling with it whenever he is anxious. Soft brown eyes wild and liquid with the exact same devastation that compresses your own chest, cheekbones high and dotted with a red hue from his agitation, the same hue that his lips have lost due to how tightly he has them pressed together.

He is so beautiful that it’s painful to have him so close and yet so far away from you.

“Tae, I… I understand it was difficult – trust me, I suffered more than I thought I would. But it was important.”

Now, you planned to elaborate on your point and try to make him see how the years apart made the two of you get to know yourselves better instead of you going down the road of destroying each other you were headed to.

But before you can do any of that, Taehyung’s face turns cloudy, his overthinking brain obviously drawing all sorts of wrong conclusions from your singular statement.

“Important? Are you being for real?” is gritted out through his teeth, hand letting go of your arm and feet stepping away.

“Taehyung—”

“I cannot fall in love again!” he yells, but all his voice carries in its loudness is immeasurable pain. “It’s – it’s been five years since you left, and there’s still this huge, gaping hole in my chest that nothing and no one can ever fill because it is shaped like you! And you…” His shoulders roll down in a defeated slump. “You think us separating was important.”

His biggest concern is not being able to fall in love again? Your heart, hurting and paining, jumps up to lodge in your throat. Trembling lips rolled into your mouth, you stare at him with watery eyes but an even gaze.

“I have a gaping hole shaped like you in my chest too, which will remain like that. And so will yours.” You breathe out. “Remember when I told you anyone would be lucky to have you? And you asked me if I felt lucky, too?” At his hesitant nod, you lean into his face, eyebrows drawn menacingly. “I felt like the luckiest woman in the whole world by your side, Taehyung. But all you could think of was how any other guy would come steal me from you, because you believed I was that easily moved.”

A tear leaves your eye when his own pair starts to glimmer with the salty water. But you have to tell him – he has to remember he wasn’t alone in his hurt.

“I was neck deep in love with you. But you just couldn’t learn to trust me. You’re worried about falling in love again? Where will you find someone willing to deal with your insecurities when you drove me away? If I couldn't put up with you, no one else would ever be able to, Kim Taehyung.”

Your words are met with heartbreak on his face. Lower lip quivering, his own tears brim his eyes and start to topple over in beaded trails down his cheeks.

Great, now you both are crying. This is so stupid. This shouldn’t have been happening, God, you should have been working on an article and Taehyung should have been enjoying the launch of his club.

And now you will both sob your way into the new year. Like absolute idiots who can’t help hurting one another every time you two come within reach.

“But I’ve never wanted anyone else to do that,” he suddenly says, voice choked and gritty. “I just wanted you back.”

“We were going to ruin each other, Tae,” comes your breathy claim, sounding as broken as his does.

“And now? Do we stand to ruin each other still?”

What? What does he mean by that? Why would he ask you that? Terrified of the implications, you take a small step away from Taehyung, your eyes wide and not meeting his.

“Is everything lost for us? Forever?”

Now, there’s nothing else he could mean by that.

“I… I think I should leave,” you murmur in a rush, hurriedly stepping away, unwilling to have this conversation with him.

He is not having it, though because one moment you’re walking off, and the next you have your wrist in his grasp – being spun around and pushed against the nearest wall, his other hand holding onto your waist to fix you in place.

Your wide eyes look up at him and his narrowed ones look down at you. “No. You pushed me out of your life once, I won’t let you do it a second time. Not when I have you so close to me again…”

Senses haywire, all you can focus on is the golden skin of his face, the planes of his cheeks glowing with the trails of tears. His heart shaped lips quiver, coming closer to yours. You look up into his dark eyes that lock yours in place.

“I never stopped loving you,” he breathes a hair's breadth away from your lips and you greedily inhale his air, heart skipping multiple beats at a time as he finishes with, “Did you?”

And you know, you absolutely know that the sane thing to do, right now, would be to push him off you and leave this place. Tell him to remember himself – remember where the two of you stand in your lives, and not mess up the temporary calm you two have attained with so much difficulty.

But you do none of that.

Because his eyes are glassy and lips are glossy and you still love him – love him so much, it feels impossible. Your lips are the one to catch his, but his are the ones that push hard against yours.

All at once – the world is a very familiar but a very scary place. His lips transport you back to when you were crazy in love. But they also remind you of all the tears. They taste like his favourite strawberry chapstick. But they also taste like guilt, regret and a million apologies.

Taehyung holds you tighter, pushes you against the wall harder, and slides a leg between yours to jam you in your place. His tongue slips past your lips with practised ease, tangling with yours. The battle – so intimate and so yours – has been perfectly memorised by your body, so much so that you move on muscle memory, gripping the back of his neck and tilting your head just right to taste the delicious cavern of his mouth that you have so desperately missed.

Your passion is returned in kind, Taehyung’s exploring hands reaching up to hold your breasts, as if relearning their curves. His lips detach from yours with a heavy gasp, wasting no time before travelling down your neck like second nature.

Well, it is second nature to them – Taehyung has always loved marking up the line of your throat, and the way his teeth make small scrapes against your skin reacquaint you with the fact.

“Tae,” you breathe, eyes shut and head pressed against the hard surface behind it.

You do not know what you are calling out for. But you can’t help saying his name out loud; making this moment of having his skin against yours more tangible.

“Tae… Taehyung… Tae baby…”

His groan is sponged into your collarbones by his wet, open mouthed kisses. And then, in a movement faster than the blinks of your rapidly fluttering eyelids, his long, slender fingers curl against the upper hem of your dress and tug it down, baring you from the waist up.

You do not get the time to show your shock, let alone bring yourself back to the reality of what you are doing and whom you are doing it with, before his hands have your breasts cupped in them again. This time, without the layer of your dress’s padded cloth.

All that escapes your mouth is a winding moan, body jolting when he pinches both your nipples between his thumb and the knuckle of his index finger of either hand.

“So fucking pretty.”

His voice is impossibly dark and deep, something you’ve heard multiple times before and lose your mind to, every single time. This time bears no exception. Then he leans down to wrap his lips around one of the pebbled tips of your breasts, and you keel over, screaming his name and digging your nails into his back. Tongue flicking at the sensitive nub, his teeth rub over it lightly before he sucks hard.

“Tae…” You helplessly whisper, lost in the sensations only he seems to be capable of igniting in your body.

Raising his head from your breast, he lets his free hand travel down your side to slip past the slit in your dress to trace the hem of your panties, and answers you with a softly breathed, “Yes, baby?”

His flushed face greets your vision when you open your eyes again. Your own probably looks the same, because you can feel your ears getting warmer by the moment as the pads of his deft fingers scratch at the fabric of your underwear, right above your wet centre. And you’re lost again, closing your eyes and moaning out an elongated version of his name.

“Please… touch me…”

The fingers immediately slide the crotch of your panties aside to brush up against your naked pussy – sensitive and coated with your wetness. A hissed breath is released past your lips, teeth pulling the bottom one between them as you try to keep quiet while Taehyung moves his fingers through your slick centre. His digits travel from the outer edges of your slit, up to your clit and pause there, very lightly tapping at your sensitive nub, before travelling back down.

You are whimpering now, opening up your legs wider and hooking one over his waist in desperation. Taehyung remains unrelenting, teasing you until thick tears of arousal tumble down your cheeks. With a hum that sounds nothing short of sinister satisfaction, he leans in to plant a soft kiss over the tear tracks on your cheeks, and finally, finally slips two of his fingers past your entrance. They curl against your heated insides with practised familiarity, his hand making small pumping motions until he is a little over knuckles deep.

The tips of his fingers know where to touch you and how tenderly – and he drags them against your rough patch of nerves in a flurry of motions, making you wrap all your limbs around him, sobbing his name over and over again.

Taehyung’s head falls to your shoulder, lips planting kisses between his whispers of your own name back to you.

“I missed you so much, baby… you’re so gorgeous…” he breathes into your skin, kissing a line up to the back of your ear. “I love you so much.”

Emotions and arousal churn inside of you, confusing you and dragging you to the point of delirium. All you know is that you don’t want him to stop, never want him to stop. Stop what – talking or doing what he is with his fingers?

Maybe both.

So you allow a moan to escape your lips, push your face into his chest, your cheek against the lapel of his coat, and mumble an aching, “I need you inside me, Tae…”

“Yeah?” he immediately holds you tighter against his body, nearly lifting you off the floor, his hair brushing your shoulders as he dips to plant kisses over your breasts that are pressed against his form. “Want me to fuck you, my love?”

“Please… Please, Tae…”

With a muttered curse, he pulls his fingers out of you, making you open your eyes to watch them wordlessly disappear into his mouth. He looks completely fucked out, cheeks a brilliant rosy red, lips swollen as if he’s been nibbling on them, and eyes glazed over.

Taehyung is without a doubt the most handsome man you have seen in your life. But Taehyung during sex? That is a whole other level of irresistible deliciousness that always drives you crazy. Right now, he looks like he is going to devour you. And you so badly want him to.

Using the hand holding your waist, he twirls you around to press your front against the wall. The roughness of the wall immediately makes your sensitive nipples sting, but you are too far lost in the feel of his hands baring your ass to him – your dress neatly folded over your hips. He grabs the side of your waist to tug your ass back, stepping in between your spread legs. And as you support yourself with your arms against the wall, the sound of his zipper being undone bathes your ears with an echo. There’s a crinkling of foil that follows the sound, which doesn’t surprise you at all. Taehyung has always been very careful and caring in every aspect of your sex life. All of these thoughts just work to heighten your arousal further.

And then he’s there, the fat head of his cock nudging at your entrance, both hands holding onto the cheeks of your ass, spreading them apart lewdly. His length runs through your juices, nudging against the hood of your clit, and you whine, pressing your forehead against the cold surface of the PVC wall panel in front of you.

“Ready, baby?” Taehyung asks you as if to tease you, the knowing lilt in his voice spilling with mischief.

He knows you are more than ready; have been literally begging him. You try to exhale but a tight groan comes out instead when he pushes just the head of his thick and long – almost too long for you to handle – cock into you.

“Oh, yeah, you’re so ready,” comes his throaty murmur. “So fucking wet, you’re dripping all over me…”

He pushes further in without any more words, the only sounds around you both are your heavy breaths and his gasps of effort as he works his girthy length into your tight channel.

The way Taehyung fills you up so completely is a feeling you have found nowhere else in the world. The bulging veins running beneath the velvet surface of his cock brush against all the right spots in you despite the layer of latex between you both, and your walls give way for him to be driven all the way in, have him buried to the hilt. He raises your body into a standing position and snakes both his hands to the front of your torso, gripping at your breasts to pull you against him with your back flat against his front. Using them as leverage, he pounds into you hard and fast.

“Fuck – fuck – Tae!”

He grumbles an unintelligible response into the back of your neck, nose pushed into your hair and lips tracing wet patterns on your skin.

You feel fully surrounded by him – held in his embrace, filled up with him and every breath you take carries the scent of his cologne. Every thrust of his length in you pushes the globes of your breasts further into his large palms, his grunts filtering into your ears. You respond with high-pitched renditions of his name, legs turned to jelly with how hard he is fucking you.

"Missed you," he gasps into you ear in between his motions, with, "so – fucking – much," enunciated in time with the movement of his hips.

You blindly nod, eyes shut and tears leaking through your lids. His grip suddenly loosens on you, hands sliding down your body to mould against the dip of your waist and hold you tight again. Your spine arches, shifting away from him when his thrusts slow down to let you adjust, and head settles over one of the arms that you have braced against the wall.

Taehyung rolls your body onto his cock, growling your name entwined with curses. "Did you miss me too?" he pants, pistoning himself in you, hitting all your sensitive spots.

A sob leaves you, eyes clenching tighter. You missed him. God knows how fucking much. "I – I did…"

"Good… Should've never fucking left me, God," he hisses, movements a blur behind you, the push of his length against that one spongy spot deep within you, making your eyes roll back and a coil begin to tighten in your belly. "I should've fought harder… Begged more…"

His words reach you later than they should because the cloud of lust that envelops you is too thick to permeate. But his words are sharp and extremely heavy – when they get to you, they drop straight down to your stomach, tearing through everything in their wake.

Because you really destroyed him, didn't you? Cursed him to a lifetime of pain just because you couldn't handle fights?

Your eyes open and multiple tears dribble down your face, heart torn.

"Tae," your whimper, tears falling non-stop even as your orgasm draws closer. "You – you did everything you c–could… fuck… I didn't even try…"

His pace falters, slowing down, a hand racing up your waist to cup your chin and pull it to the side. Your teary eyes meet his own red rimmed ones.

"Do you love me?"

Oh, God… You're about to say yes, aren't you?

Desperate eyes scan your own, waiting, hoping – but as your uncertain gaping continues, his hips start to snap harder again. His eyes turn to slits, teeth grind together and then his grip on your chin becomes bruising as he grunts, "Talk to me when I ask you a question…"

His dominant persona has always been your undoing, so you aren't the least bit surprised when a whimpered moan is coaxed out of you, along with a jumble of confession.

"I love you! I love – love you so much, Tae! So much, fuck!"

Taehyung curses against the back of your neck, and then separates his upper body from yours to bring his palm down in a sharp spank against your ass. You cry out, brought to the edge by his action.

"A fucking brat, left your man all alone as if – as if you could live without me, huh?"

Beyond the anger and sexual need, you hear pain in his voice and shut your eyes in apology. "Baby… I love you…"

In response, he pulls his length out of you.

But your gasping protests get swallowed by his mouth when he immediately spins you around to press up against you again, lips on yours and a hand wrapped around your throat. The other hand taps at your thigh to get you to manoeuver your legs around his hip.

He effortlessly holds you up against the wall and slides his cock home again, this time with his teeth digging into your tongue.

"You fucking killed me, baby," he grunts into your mouth, snapping his hips against yours angrily. "It's been h–hell without you…"

His jaw tightens just as his hand tightens around your throat. You groan when the action builds your peak quicker than before.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" You do not recognise the voice that comes out of you, but you mean your apology with your heart.

"And so am I, baby, shit… So fucking sorry, you have no fucking idea…" His words are nearly sobbed, but you feel them seep into your bones.

Then his lips move to lick a path down your chin, and then, tightening his grip on your throat to the point where you actually feel your air supply getting cut off, he latches onto a nipple with a hum of delight.

All sensations crescending in under a minute, you give a muffled shout of Taehyung's name, eyes screwing shut and hips stuttering uncontrollably against his as you are toppled over the edge. The walls of your pussy quiver around his cock in a delicious rhythm which has your back arching and a cry tearing out of your throat.

Your vision goes completely dark. The zaps of electricity that run across your skin are something only Taehyung has ever been capable of eliciting from you.

Almost immediately, before you can even catch your bearings, he whimpers your name against your breast and goes stiff over you. You wait in anticipation as he groans, releasing himself into the condom.

Taehyung still keeps you in the air against the wall despite the jitters that wrack his body, exhaling shuddering breaths that mist over your sweaty collarbones. His arms are the only buoys holding you up from sinking to the ground with exhausted relief, and you cling onto them with desperation. His softening length still rests in you and some part of you feels unwilling to let go of it, making you involuntarily clench. Hissing, Taehyung grips your waist harder.

A hand swipes at your hair, shifting it off your forehead, which makes you realise your eyes are shut. When a finger tips your chin up, you open them to meet Taehyung's gaze. His cheeks are flushed and eyes tender. Noticing the mess that has become of his hair, you run your hands up to his own forehead, attempting to arrange it.

His plush lips spread into a soft smile, then inhaling, "You… said you love me," he breathes out against your face. You stiffen, eyes dropping to his tie and shirt which he didn't even take off. "Did you mean it?"

You did. You absolutely meant it.

But something in you holds you back from confirming it.

A heavy, heartbreaking sigh leaves him, body visibly slumping in defeat. Very slowly, Taehyung pulls out of you and makes to unwind your legs from around his waist, and you—

You feel like you're about to lose him again.

As if releasing you right now would mean that he will never touch you again. Never be near you again. Never look at you again.

And the mere thought of that frightens you to death.

So you cross your ankles behind his back and run your arms up his biceps to hold onto the back of his neck. His surprised eyes fly to yours, hesitant but so immensely full of hope, you nearly tear up again.

Inhaling deeply, you nod. "Yes. I meant it. I love you, Tae. Always have, never stopped."

A sharp inhale, followed by a gasping chuckle, and Taehyung's eyes widen in wonder. "You… didn't?"

You shake your head. "Not for a single moment. Even when I wanted to tear your hair out, I loved you more than is humanly possible."

His grip on you tightens before he brings your head to his chest, embracing you like his life depends on it. And maybe it does, because yours does too, which is why you wrap yourself around him like a koala, unbothered how you're still bare except for the dress bunched up in the middle of your waist.

The feel of his firm chest and strong, thumping heartbeat under your ear has tears flowing from your eyes unbidden.

"You," you murmur with a sniffle, "you said you're sorry. Did you—"

"Meant every word," he whispers into your hair in between pressing multiple kisses over it.

A weight suddenly lifts off your shoulders. "You do?"

"I am so terribly sorry for every damn thing I did to you, baby." His hold on you tightens a bit more. "And I wish… I wish I'd apologised every time you needed me to. I wish I'd fired Somi when you asked me to… I wish I fucking trusted you when you told me not to worry about Hoseok. I…"

He pulls away to meet your gaze and a sob crawls out of you at the wrecked look on his face.

"I wish I was better to you, baby. And I wish I can go back and correct all the things I did wrong, but…"

You nod. "M–me, too. I wish I understood you better. And – and that I was braver, fought for us instead of quitting when things got tough…"

The two of you stare at each other in silence for a while after that. There's nothing much left to say, anyway.

It is no secret to you how much you suffered in his absence. How you laid awake in bed, nights upon nights, missing Taehyung and his warm cuddles. How you cried yourself to sleep in the early hours of the morning, berating yourself for doing what you did to the two of you. How you used to avoid him at any cost when he tried to get to you because you knew he could make your resolve crumble.

How you kept hoping you did the right thing.

How the pain in your heart always argued that the right thing wouldn't hurt so much.

You have been so stupid. God, you've been a complete and absolute idiot.

Did you really forget all that time when you and him made plans for your future back in college? Nights spent under the blanket of stars, gazing at the twinkling diamonds in the sky and wondering if you'd both fly high enough to touch them someday.

You were supposed to do that together.

Why did you let go of that dream so easily?

You gave up when you should've done the opposite of that. Kept thinking your happily-ever-after was flawed, when it was you that stopped trying.

And now when you look into the eyes of the love of your life, you never want to look away.

"It's not all your fault, baby," he whispers because he reads you. He knows you, the way no one ever has and no one ever will. "I let my insecurities dictate the way I acted around you… Always assumed the worst, let my fears do the thinking instead of logic."

You exhale. "What if – what if we try again?"

"What?" His eyes jump to saucers, sparkling with more than just excitement. "You…"

And he’s looking at you as if it’s surreal. Which doesn’t make sense because of course this is what you would suggest. It is where your conversation was headed, the logical conclusion of the two of you resolving your misunderstandings and apologising for your past mistakes.

But – he looks at you as if hearing you say it makes his heart drum against yours like a metronome, as if in the last five miserable years the two of you stayed away from each other, he has never considered this to be a reasonable possibility. And if he is thinking all of that, he isn’t too off the mark, is he?

Because you gave up all hope as well.

Your grip on him tightens, bringing your faces closer. "I don't wanna be away from you again, Tae. And – and I know we have run away from our problems and caused more problems, but we can try to do better, right? We can learn. Right?"

Taehyung's response is a watery smile and a nod so vigorous, it jolts both of you. You push your face into his neck with a giggle and he does the same to you, saying, "It might take time, but we will find our way. We will learn each other again."

And you just nod back, dissolving in his tight embrace. "Promise to trust me more? I promise to understand you better."

"I promise. I promise, baby, I promise."

Jimin passes you a knowing smile when you walk out of the venue with your hand entwined with Taehyung's, telltale rumples in your gown and a shit eating grin on your companion's face.

"Missed having you around, kid," Jimin mumbles as you wrap your arms around him in a hug. "Never make me pick sides again, okay?"

“I never did, but Tae needed you more.” You pull away with a smile. "And I missed you, too."

Sometime later, Jungkook finds you and nearly cries in happiness when you tell him what happened. Well, minus the r-rated details, that is.

You and Taehyung are going back to your own places for the night, which makes both Jimin and Jungkook raise impressed eyebrows when Taehyung and you join them in their respective cars. But you both are determined.

This time, you don’t want any glitches in your happily-ever-after and you will do things the right way to get to it. This time, there won’t be overthinking and assumptions, you’ll replace them with communication.

As your cars drive each other by, moving in different directions, you and Taehyung pass each other soft smiles.

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