#vagueing my novel r/n
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Catch Me If You Can
Chapter Twelve
Plot summary : When your friend interviews for a position at Anvil, you have a chance encounter with Billy Russo. He takes you for coffee and, by the time you’re done, Billy decides he’s anything but done with you.
Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader
Story Rating : R
Chapter Rating : R-ish
Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] This chapter contains vague allusions to physical abuse/abusive past relationship. Some sex mentions. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story.
Word Count : ~3.2k
A/N : This is set about a week after the last chapter. It's mostly angst and a little bit more about readers past. Billy kinda fucks up in this one.
CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE | CHAPTER SIX | CHAPTER SEVEN | CHAPTER EIGHT | CHAPTER NINE | CHAPTER TEN | CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
It felt strange to long for someone you hardly knew, to miss having him close when you’d only been intimate for a couple of weeks. But, without Billy, you felt a strange sort of loneliness that should have terrified you, the sort of yearning you’d completely given up on before you’d let him force his way into your life.
Days had continued to tick by with nothing but text messages and phone calls passing between you, leaving you longing to feel his arms around you again. You tried everything to push the feelings away; reading, catching up with old TV shows, anything that didn’t make you think of him.
But, the moment he told you that he’d be working from home and that you could stay over, you agreed, biking across Manhattan as soon as you finished your day.
He was waiting for you the moment the elevator doors slid open, kissing you and tugging off your clothes as he pressed you back against the wall. He fucked you like it had been six years and not six days since you’d last seen him, leaving you a trembling mess and reminding you just what you’d been missing out on all week.
Eventually, once he managed to finally put you down and take his hands off you, you found yourself on his sofa, eating Chinese take out while he sat with his laptop and tried to get some work done. Now and then, he’d shoot you an apologetic look - obviously, it wasn’t how he’d wanted the evening to go, but you were perfectly happy where you were, enjoying the food and just being near him. You distracted yourself by trying to finish reading the trashy romance novel you’d brought on the Kindle app on your phone.
When you needed a drink, you stood, heading for the kitchen, trying not to disturb Billy. You didn’t think twice about leaving your phone on the sofa, unlocked and on the page you were in the middle of reading - your first mistake of the evening.
“Her fingers sizzled a path to my cock,” his words caught you by surprise, and so did the laugh that followed, “sweetheart, if you’d wanted something to read, I could’ve found you a much better book than this horny trash.”
You turned back to him, feigning indignation; “I’ll have you know that horny trash is the only thing that’s been getting me through the last few days.”
He put down his laptop on the coffee table and slowly got to his feet, your phone still in his hand.
“You think a smutty book is a good substitute for me?” His dark eyes fixed on you, looking at you like he was thinking of all the things he wanted to do to you. You stepped away from the kitchen, back towards him, waiting for him to clear the distance between you and take what he wanted. “Does this stuff really get you going? Does it get you wet?”
You bit your lower lip, trying to to stop your lips from pulling into a smirk, but it was impossible.
“Have you spent this whole week with your fingers between your legs reading this?” Billy asked, stepping closer still. You bit down on your lip even harder, your cheeks starting to heat, before you managed to shake your head. “No?”
“Not my fingers,” you admitted softly, “and it wasn’t the book I was thinking about...”
“Not your fingers?” Your head shook again and he took a step closer. You might as well have been naked with the way he was looking at you, his eyes burning with desire. “Then what were you using while you were thinking about me?”
“My vibrator,” not sure why admitting to owning a sex toy to someone like Billy felt so scandalous.
“Fuck, sweetheart, if I’d known you’d been missing me so much I would’ve spent the last hour inside you, reminding you why nothing but me is ever gonna satisfy your sweet little pussy,” his voice turned low, uncontrolled. “Guess I’m gonna have to make up for lost time now...”
Your eyes dropped, noticing the way his sweatpants were already starting to tent, relieved that the conversation was getting to him just as much as it was you.
“What about you?” You dare to ask.
“What about me?”
“How much did you miss me?”
“You mean did I jerk off thinking about you?” He asked and you nodded. “Every night with those red lace panties you gave me.”
You breath caught at the admission and the look on his face, and you found yourself trying to picture it. Staring, you silently willed him to clear the distance between you and give you both what you clearly wanted. But Billy didn’t move, he seemed more interested in the moment you were sharing and wanted to see how far he could push it.
“I get hard just thinking about you, sweetheart,” he continued to confess, “I can’t stop thinking about you on your knees, sucking my cock.”
You made a show of licking your lips, despite the embarrassment you were enjoying watching him slowly lose control. He wanted you to break first, but you weren’t going to make it easy for him. “Yeah? You liked that?”
“You know I did,” he all but growled, knowing what you were trying to do to him. “You liked it too, didn’t you? You were so fucking wet when I got you home...”
You nodded almost shyly. As much as you wanted to carry on, you weren’t like Billy, dirty talk didn’t come easily to you, but you still managed; “want me to do it again, right now?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I want you to get on your knees and -”
But then your phone started to ring in his hand and the game quickly came to an end. You watched as he looked at the screen, the smile vanishing from his lips.
“Who’s Sam?” He asked with an unexpected sharpness that caused your stomach to knot.
“Don’t answer it,” you begged quickly, suddenly. With your hand outstretched you moved towards him, needing him to give you your phone back. But Billy wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at the name on the screen and the picture that went with it.
The ringing soon stopped, but Billy didn’t give your phone back. Instead he started swiping at the screen, obviously looking for something. Your stomach dropped, realising that your phone was still unlocked and he had access to everything on there.
“Billy, give me my phone back, it’s not -” you tried to talk around the lump that had lodged itself in your throat.
“Call me back,” he started to read from your phone, obviously scrolling through the dozens of unanswered text messages Sam had sent, “we need to talk. I love you but I’m sick of this shit. Don’t make me come get you. Talk to me. We had a deal.”
“It’s not what you think,” you tried again, reaching for your phone. Billy stepped back, keeping hold of your phone.
“And what do you think I think?” He asked, his tone enough to make you flinch. “‘cause I think forty-seven missed calls today, and fifty-two yesterday means someone really wants to talk to you.”
“It’s not like that -”
“Oh, isn’t it? So you get guys telling you that they love you all the time, calling you non-stop and begging you to talk to them?” It almost felt like he was mocking you, like he thought you were an idiot for even trying to convince that there was nothing going on.
“Billy, please, just listen to me...”
If he heard you, he didn’t seem to care. “Is this what does it for you? Is this why you finally said yes to me? Did I chase you enough, make you feel special? You just like the attention?”
“Stop it, just -” you raised your voice, desperate to make him listen, to make him hear you out.
“Is this what you want? You want me to lose my mind over you? Will you start ignoring my calls when you’re done with me?” Something almost frantic started to slip into his tone.
“No, Billy, I -”
It was clear to see that he was spiralling out of control, that the thought of you with another man made him lose his mind. And it hurt - it hurt that he wouldn’t listen to you, that he thought you’d do anything to hurt him like that.
“If I obsess over you enough, do I get my initials carved on your body somewhere? Will you let me pick where?”
You stepped backwards, an uncomfortable breath catching in your throat. It only took Billy a second to realise his mistake. There was no confusing the sudden look of terror on your face or the way that your whole body tensed as you started to back away from him. Your eyes stayed fixed on him, wide and afraid, your lungs burning as they struggled to draw breath.
Billy seemed frozen as the pieces fell into place and he finally understood; you hadn’t carved the S into your arm. Someone else had, against your will.
And, now, despite everything about him that made you feel safe, despite every time you’d told yourself that he wouldn’t hurt you, you were overcome with fear.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t -” you flinched as he took a step, “- I didn’t mean that. I’d never -”
“Please stop,” you uttered quietly, voice breaking as you blinked back tears. You didn’t want to talk about it, not now, not ever.
“I didn’t know, you didn’t tell me - why didn’t you tell me?” A panicked anguish quickly filled his voice and, at any other time, you might have felt for him, but all you could do was continue to shrink away from him. “Tell me who did it - tell me, I’ll fucking kill him.”
The spike of anger in his voice did nothing to settle your frayed nerves. You knew it wasn’t aimed at you, but you had no doubt in that moment that Billy was capable of murder, and that he’d kill anyone who’d hurt you. But you didn’t want Billy involved, you didn’t want him to know about any of your scars or where they had come from.
“Was it this guy? This Sam?” He held up your phone, his knuckles turning white as he dared to step closer. Even though his anger wasn’t directed at you anymore, it still scared you.
You shook your head. “Sam’s my brother.”
Another secret spilled, another thing you hadn’t wanted him to know.
“You have a brother? I thought you said -”
You moved suddenly, before Billy could reach you - he was between you and the elevator, so leaving wasn’t an option, but you needed space, you needed to be able to breathe. He called your name and you heard him following after you as you ducked into his bedroom and headed for the bathroom, locking the door behind you.
The moment the door was shut, you sank to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest.
“I’m sorry, I -” you could hear him on the other side of the door, but he didn’t rattle the handle, didn’t knock or try to get to you. From the broken tone of his voice, you knew that he was upset and, as much as you might have hated that at any other time, Billy’s upset was not your priority. “I’m a fucking idiot, I’m sorry. I - I never meant -”
You took a long breath, counting back from ten, trying to remember any of the coping mechanisms you’d worked on in therapy so many years ago. Despite the tears in the corners of your eyes, the last thing you wanted was to cry - you’d cried too many tears over the scars on your arms over the years and you weren’t going to shed any more. You were stronger than that, you’d spent years becoming stronger than that.
“Please, talk to me?”
You still didn’t answer. You couldn’t, it felt like you could hardly breathe.
He was pacing, you could hear it through the door. “I’d never hurt you - you know I’d never hurt you, right? I couldn’t, I -”
Still, you said nothing. A moment later there was a loud thud and you heard his footsteps moving away from the door and out of the bedroom.
As you sat, you tried to deconstruct everything that had happened, why it had upset you and whether it was reasonable to be upset about it; Billy going through your phone without permission (yeah, it was reasonable to be upset at that), him getting upset about Sam (yes and no, you probably could have handled that a little better), and the comment about that scar (yes but, again, he hadn’t known the full story).
But, the thing that worried you, the thing that had you panicked, was just how quickly it had escalated and how he hadn’t even tried to hear your side of things. Did you think that he could hurt you? No. But whether that was you being stupid and naive, you didn’t know. All you really knew was that something inside you felt safe with Billy, something inside you told you that he’d never hurt you, and perhaps that was the best place to start.
It took twenty minutes before you worked up the courage to stand and another five before you could bring yourself to open the bathroom door. Billy was nowhere to be seen but, to your surprise, he’d left your phone on the floor in front of the bathroom door.
You grabbed your bag from the foot of the bed and carried it with you, but you didn’t head for the elevator. You weren’t going to run away.
Billy was standing by the windows, looking out at the view, looking every bit as lost and alone as you felt.
“We - we should talk,” you said softly, just to draw his attention.
He turned, but he didn’t move towards you. He kept his distance, as if he didn’t trust himself anymore. When he caught sight of the bag in your hand, Billy let out a sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding like he knew he’d already lost.
“I know you are.”
“I didn’t mean -”
“Yes you did, Billy.” It wasn’t your intention to hurt him but there was no missing the flicker of pain on his face. He’d been upset, but he’d meant every word that he’d said to you, and you needed him to acknowledge that. “But what hurts is that you saw those messages and just assumed that I’d do that to you.”
“I know, I shouldn’t’ve, I just...” you could see the struggle on his face as he tried to find the words, tried to find a way to explain something that you weren’t even sure he could explain. You were starting to think it was just how he was wired - but that didn’t mean you had to accept it. “This isn’t easy for me.”
“Which part? Because it’s not exactly a walk in the park for me either.”
“I don’t do this,” which didn’t make it any clearer, but the frustration in his voice was unmissable.
“There is no this, Billy. You didn’t want this to be a relationship. We’re just - I don’t know, us.”
“Yeah, just us.”
There was something in the way he said it that had your heart sinking and it took a moment for the penny to finally drop.
“You wanna fuck other women, is that it?” And suddenly it all seemed pointless. “Of course you do, why wouldn’t you? Why would I ever think you might settle for me?” Because, of course, a man like Billy wouldn’t settle for you, scars and all.
You started to move towards the elevator, telling yourself that, this time, it wasn’t running away; you’d tried to talk to him, tried to figure it out, and leaving was the only option that remained. As much as it hurt, you couldn’t stay knowing that he’d never be satisfied with you, and that he clearly didn’t feel a fraction of what you felt when you were with him. (It was your own fault, you shouldn’t have let yourself feel anything at all for a man like Billy, you’d known from the start that it would end badly.)
“Stop -” he suddenly started to move towards you, “- I don’t want to fuck anyone else, that’s not what I meant. And I’m not settling, you’re the only one I want.” He forced the words out in an angry and uncomfortable admission - he didn’t even manage to look like he believed it himself.
“I’d be flattered if you didn’t sound like it bothered you so fucking much.” You spat back, just as angry.
“Of course it bothers me. I don’t know how to not fuck this up. I don’t know how to not make you leave me.”
“My suggestion would be doing anything but this.” You reached the elevator doors, but you didn’t push the call button - you couldn’t bring yourself to end things, not while he was still talking.
“So, that’s it - we’re back to this?”
“Back to what?”
“You, pushing me away, not talking to me.”
“I can’t do this if you don’t trust me.” You told him.
“I’m trying, but you don’t trust me either, do you?”
You wanted to answer immediately, to tell him of course you trusted him, but it wasn’t that simple. He was right, you didn’t trust him, not completely - you didn’t trust anyone completely. You couldn't, you’d been hurt too many times before. And maybe Billy had been too.
“Why don’t you do this - why don’t you want a relationship?” You dared to ask and Billy looked away almost as if he was ashamed.
“Because everyone leaves eventually? Because what I can offer always stops being enough... I don’t know.” He sounded resigned to it, like there really was no other way that he saw things panning out.
“And you think that’d happen with us? That I’d just leave you?”
He looked at you for a second before letting his gaze drop again. “You’re doing it right now.”
“That isn’t fair. You know why I’m leaving.” You wanted to be firm, wanted him to know that you were leaving because of his actions, not because of who he was but, instead, the words came out quiet, soft.
Billy didn’t answer, he looked defeated, like he’d given up. He didn’t talk again until you’d hit the call button and the elevator doors slid open.
“So, we’re done then?”
Were you? You hesitated, hating how quickly everything had fallen apart - how easily you’d both let it fall apart. Maybe it was just how things were meant to be; maybe neither of you were capable of sustaining whatever this was. But -
“No - I don’t know,” was the most honest answer you could give. “I just - I need some time, Billy. Can you give me that?”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “A few days maybe?”
“Okay,” he shrugged in return, looking like he’d already given up.
By the time you’d stepped into the elevator and hit the button, he’d already turned away from you. Billy didn’t say a word as the doors shut and you left him all alone. Somehow, you managed not to break down and cry until you’d made it back across the city and into the comfort of your own bed.
Chapter Thirteen
A/N : Well... I originally wanted to try and time things so I could have nice chapters come out over the holidays, but then this happened. Sorry! It really wasn't my intention to end the year on a downer, but don't worry, the next part is pretty much finished and will be up the same time next week!!
Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and, as always I really do appreciate all the love you've shown this series!!!
If you want adding/removing from the tag list let me know (I know it hasn't been working for some people so I've tried to remove and add people again to see if that help but, other than that, I think it's just tumblr being lame?)
TAG LIST
@lincerad @sweetserendipity65 @rafaelakelley @slayerofthevampire @rensolodriver @lovelydoveval @doloreschanal @damagelove @danzer8705 @unlikelystarlightcowboy @schlotzshewrote @bisexualbith @uncontainedsmiles @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @lilliesofmay
#billy russo#billy russo x reader#billy russo x female reader#billy russo fanfic#the punisher#cmiyc ff
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The Process of Frank Herbert writing the Dune series (from my very vague memory of a video essay).
Franklin Patrick Herbert Jr. watches Lawrence Of Arabia (1962).
It becomes his problematic fave, and he writes fanficion; “Lawrence of Arabia IN SPAAAAAACCEEE.”
Franklin needs money and decides to send his fanfiction to a publisher. The book becomes an unexpected hit.
He wants to rewrite Dune to repair the ethical problems of his favourite movie, but the publishers tell Herbert that a rewrite or a clone will be seen as a lazy cash grab that would lose them trust.
UH OH! RENT IS DUE!!! If he wants to pay rent and eat a nice dinner, Frankie better write a sequel!
Sequel 1; The story continues, but the supporting characters pine for a better version of their world by vocalising the problems of the MC’s colonialism.
The audience doesn't get it. Maybe it’s too subtle.
Sequel 2: The MC commits major atrocities, including a horrific genocide. He’s not a god or a messiah. He’s just another worthless cog in the machine of colonialism.
The audience feels bad that their hero is seen as a worthless cog. Maybe he just needs Jesus. That way, he can make up for the irreversible loss of millions of lives! God finds a way.
RENT IS DUE
Sequel 3: The MC has a son to carry on his legacy. The son loathes him. He channels his inner cool rebel, angsty Sasuke energy to tell the audience of children that “pot is cool, genocide drools!”
The audience is vaguely offended that Sasuke said pot is cool and still thinks genocide is okay. Or at the very least, the colonialism was okay in the circumstances of the Dune universe.
Patrick is out of patience.
Sequel 4: Sasuke huffs all the pot in the universe and becomes the king god of worms. With his infinite wisdom, he writes a Martin Luther style manifesto of every bad thing his father did. Point for point, sin for sin. The manifesto is within the novel itself and is roughly 97.8% of its reading. Repeated throughout the novel and manifesto and the novel itself is “Colonialism and genocide is NEVER okay. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE , IN ANY WORLD , IT IS N E V E R OKAY.”
The audience’s main take away is that the king god of worms is cool.
Herb is out of pot to keep the Jesus in him. He is so tired of trying to just F I X these people. He channels every ounce of energy he has left to figuring out a concrete way to explain to his audience how colonialism and genocide is bad. In his late middle-aged life, it’s the only way he can stop himself from picking up a phone book to find and throttle some nerds.
Sequel 5: Out of the sand and ether, Sasuke Luther King God of Worm’s long-lost never mentioned before normal human descendant appears. She walks up to the audience, hold their eyelids open, stares directly at them within a cm of distance from her own, and says; “Colonialsim bad. Genoicide is a bad. Do not do. Is bad. Alway. O.k.?”
The remaining audience says. “ye. ok.”
Franklin Patrick Herbert Junior finally has a win and dies promptly on the spot from exhaustion at the ancient age of 65.
That’s just my guess, though. Most of what I know about Dune is from Jack Saint's video and a 10-second glance on Wikipedia.
#Dune#literacy#Frank Herbert#dune part two#dune part 2#dune part 1#paul atreides#leto atreides#leto atreieds II#dune part one#jack saint#wrting#books#novels#scifi
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Guesses for which character will be associated with which dish in the upcoming Sonic cookbook.
Blue is confirmed, either through the preview pages or name-drops in the title; or, in Chip's case, "it showed up in his game"
Red is "most likely"
reasonings for a couple down here:
Eat n' Run definitely sounds like Sonic
"Future-proof" with "Egg" tarts is confusing. My main guess is Eggman but Silver/Nega aren't off the table
"Perfect Note" could, as @birdsareblooming mentioned to me, be a reference to Tails Music Maker. Other than that, Vector's the main musician of the gang
"Eat Red Spheres" is def a reference to classic gameplay
"Tornado" Chips is very likely for Tails's plane
"Royal" Roasted Pinwheels, huh? Blaze.
"My Daily Respite" is also very vague. Could be Eggman?
"Burrito Blasts" could really be anyone, considering we all blast a lot. Shadow's probably the most likely with his usage of chaos blast.
"Luxurious Light Fare" – Luxurious sounds like a word Rouge would use. Other than that, I got nothin
"Island's" Bounty Salad seems like an Angel Island thing
NO idea what "Sumptuous Salad" could be. Maybe Eggman?
"A Simple Deduction" is either Eggman or Tails, they're the only ones who talk like that
"Leaf Swirl Salad" could be Sonic swirling up leaves as he runs, or something Big or Sticks eat in the woods
"Bangle Bagels"– Amy's bracelets could be considered bangles? My main guess is Rouge because her main thing is Jewelry. Bangles are also v popular in south asia so it could be Blaze, but I've never seen her wear any.
"Unlimited Potential" is a chaos emerald thing, right?
"Simple Pleasures" sounds very Big, but I could also see Knux or Espio
"When a Flatfoot's Flat Broke"– "Flatfoot" is a term for a detective or cop, and well. Vector be broke
Anything with "Ninja" in the title is probably Espio
"West Side Island" Sandwich is prob Tails
The "Rival's" Chili Dog is def Shadow being annoying <3
"Villain" Sub and Perfect "Egg"dog being next to each other is interesting; it's possible they'll have two of the same character in a row but maybe we'll have another villain?
"Catch o' the Day" is def Big
"The Master Meal Plan" sounds like Master Emerald, so Knux
"The Garlic Collector" – I put Rouge for "collector" but I SWEAR that title is a reference to some old mystery novel?? I just can't put my finger on which. So it could be Chaotix if that's the case
"Tangled Leads" could be Tangle buuuuuut it's more likely to be Vector with the "Mystery" angle
"Hidden Truth" is also a mystery angle but the usage of "hidden" seems like they'll use Espio
"Timeless" Comfort Food makes me emotional like ok Silver
Blaze's kingdom is ocean-based so she's def the "Sea-Born Monarch"
Tails and his Mint Candy, man
"Seven Rings in Hand" def references Sonic and the Secret Rings. Whether it's Sonic himself or Shahra in here...
"World Uniting" sounds a lot like a Sonic Unleashed thing
"Edge of Darkness" is something a hot topic kid would come up with so it's Shadow
The "Family Cookie Recipe" and "Mother's Specialty" both sound very much like Cream. But again, two in a row? Family cookie could also be Robotnik fam maybe? And mother's specialty could be Rouge's unseen mom?
"Colorful Companions" seems to be a ref to Sonic Colors and the wisps
"Caffeine Control" is this one isn't just "eat the coffee beans directly" then what is the point
"Diamonds in the Sky" couuuuld be Rouge cause gem ref but that's DEFINITELY a ref to Sonic R
"Vim n Vigor" idfk dude it's probably Vector just for the alliteration
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What is your earliest happy memory?
Alternative meets the question with an open gape, his lips part without words to form around as though he were just presented with a contingency he had failed to consider.
Suddenly, a pulsing flash like the sparkle of revelation cuts through his dull expression.
For an instant, his countenance appears to tentatively warm to the notion of an antecedent-self. But, almost as quickly as it appeared, the glimmer settles like a dying star in the depths of his gaze — and, Alternative suddenly grows visibly uneasy with its diffusion…
There's an immediate desire to assuage the discomfort, to offer something trite and contrived — anything to placate the question with a prosaic recollection and escape its scrutiny.
He thumbs though the romanticized retrospectives of characters from novels and movies but none of them suit his vision of himself, of who he recognizes himself to be.
It irks his sense of decency to consider handing unearned accolades to those who feel so unworthy of it. Giving a sympathetic interpretation to his family is an erasure of every sincerity there ever was in his precursory incarnation…
" I vaguely remember the mobile above my crib— moons and stars that had the texture of new bath towels, circling over me with a mechanical, clicking chime …
—I grew to feel an anxiety towards it after a loose flush mount cover fell one morning and struck my mother.
After that, I would point wordlessly when we entered the room, as though I was warning them of a peril they had overlooked or forgotten.
Nonverbal, I was just cognizant enough to recognize that the world is pitiless when it strikes and it does so in ways one least expects it.
—Neither paid any mind to the trepidation I developed when staring up at the web of stars above my bed.
Maybe it was then that I knew no one could be expected to intervene, I was on my own..."
Alternative's gaze grows distant as he evaluates his bygone-self with a detached impassivity, so divorced from the life that existed before the earth swallowed it all up that he can barely find a trace of himself in it.
"… I remember the d r e a d when night fell and my father's absence became inexorably evident, when I let in the possibility that I had reached that terminal point prematurely with my parents.
The house was so still that I could hear the ominous world of dusk through the walls as though someone had carelessly left a door open without a thought spared for my safety.
My universe was contained within those four walls and, suddenly, I found myself adrift in this void between one phase of being and another, both perilous and perishable in ways I couldn't reconcile and too impudent to recognize the intractability of this turn of events.
The…
possibility that they both would have left me was so inconceivable…
—For a few days, I wasn't completely sure I wasn't dreaming."
"Then, I found him, it was no longer speculative …
—p a n i c , real vermillion terror replaced that transitory fugue. It's what I imagine one must feel when they look over the horizon of the open sea or untamed forest and realize, they are lost and alone…
Maybe they oscillate between hopefulness and horror, I'm sure they contemplate escaping the merciless that nature will inflict by devising one themselves…
But, as I took in everything that had been abolished through their absence, I saw p e a c e.
—My mother's incensed slamming of the cabinet doors at midnight, my father's uncooperative ambition, feeling like an assigned project they were reluctant partners in constructing — as though I was to be endured until a particular deadline, as though there is a mercy stroke at the end of being someone's parent, as though they would be granted clemency from the position if only they performed well enough…
I think they loved me…
—in a mangled sense, in a way that didn't speak or move gently over my sense of self, just crawled and clawed and bit like a stray struck by a car that refused to die."
" I was happy that they were dead. "
The candid admonition is delivered with an inexorably artic stare as though all the burning enmity that should live behind it had long since consumed remorse, leaving only silent desolation.
Something in Alternative's confidence wavers and his gaze drifts to an empty corner of the room, his attention lingers there with a sightless focus, a dissatisfied glower barely surfacing.
" After that, ... I was happy when...
... I didn't have to tell him, he already knew my name.
I thought only A could exist beyond this point. I was going to be locked inside this assigned identity where the world couldn't find me, did not look for me, did not know I existed anymore.
But, he found his way in and I felt like I existed to someone, that I wasn't alone anymore..."
#death note#wammys house#wammys house rp#brilliant and deviant#beyond birthday#[[I felt like this wasn't that well composed but it is fun and I really tired to make it good.]]
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[ P R E T H R O N ]
| " A perplexing predicament indeed, Your Majesty... |
|_ Yes... " ►|
a generic-video-game/visual-novel-ish inspired drawing of Prethron, a somewhat minor character from my story (pretty much all in my head lol), No More Happy Endings. While his species, the Axaloids, usually make use of their own abilities and powers, in tricky situations and long-distance travel they must resort to other technology, and Prethron is their planet's famed smart and passionate inventor and engineer! He always tries to help, sometimes trying to butt in where he isn't needed out of his desire to help and please. He's blind without his visor, seen in this drawing, normally only being able to see vague green outlines of everything.
#triskelion soda art#triskelion soda oc's#triskelion soda oc stories#no more happy endings#oc's#my oc's#fake screenshot#fake video game#fake screencap#oc story#fake game#prethron#oc sketch#oc art#drawing#original characters#original character#non fandom oc#my ocs#my oc drawing#oc stories: no more happy endings
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Fanfic Ask Game: N and T please
Hello!
N: a story I wish someone would write or finish for me - hmm. I’m not sure! I don’t really have an unfinished work that’d I wish someone would finish for me, but I do have a very vague desire to write a well done Bones/R&I crossover that I simply do not have the mental bandwidth to do. So if someone could give me a novel length slowburn rizzles that harkens back to the early seasons of Bones, please do so. I’ll pay real money. 😂
T: fandom trope I hate - I don’t think this counts as a trope, but fics with extreme trauma make me uncomfortable. I think it’s really hard to torture characters that far and come back to an ending that works, and what happens is a lot of times, instead of just ending in the immense hurt and pain, authors try to give a somewhat “happy” ending that just falls flat. To me. That said, I tend to think it’s just more not my cup of tea. I can see how those types of stories can be meaningful and cathartic for people. I definitely wouldn’t say they have no place in fandom.
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His Marriage Partner is Scheming
What I Liked
ngl a transmigration story doesn't have to hit this hard wtf
one of those novels that's actually p different from what i expected. mb sort of reverse "evil star general" which had a funny summary n i thought it was one of those "deceptive" meme summary heart-crushing plot but it was actually as lighthearted as implied. here it has a deceptively lighthearted, seemingly perfunctory, not-at-all different from other transmigration stories, but it's quite unlike the "usual kind" of transmigration stories which... damn i hate saying it like "she's not like other girls" but this wn really is different.
author actually wrote abt it in the last ch author notes, how this wn has a narrative style that isn't often used in webnovels these days n i get it. this novel is p insane. the beginning is laced with an undercurrent of melancholy at a seemingly bleak inevitable future, then it slowly, quietly blooms into a warm love story. the narrative is oftentimes vague and ambiguous, sometimes veering into seemingly irrelevant territory but dear lord it all ties together at the end, heartbreakingly so.
this story is a secret shared by a pair of accomplices, a paper bag full of sugar-fried chestnuts, strangely shaped strawberries, a bouquet of roses for a bass player, an umbrella-less kiss at a rainy night, a bridge built by an old man for his wife, golden sunlight filtering through a green-colored glass, strawberry-flavored rose and cactus-flavored vanilla and hydrangea-flavored blueberry---it is an eternity hidden within fleeting moments, the extraordinarily ordinary story of a sanctimonious capitalist and a dentist who was good at coaxing people.
author also mentioned in the author notes that novels r like a game in which there r 3 participants: the recorded people (the "protagonist"), the person recording (the "writer"), and the person flipping through the records (the "reader") and i was just like. hello orv my old friend.
both leads are highly rational people working together with each other to avoid their inevitable doom, with a dynamic that actually lowkey reminds me of teio's duotang... rly far away isn't it, but they give me that sort of vibe. accomplices drifting in that line between unreserved trust and a distance between their hearts at first, having tacit understanding but knowing that there's a line they "shouldn't cross". but when they do cross it, it's beautiful like a rose in full bloom.
he qiao and chi xueyan
their love story is so... dear lord. "love was a game that gave brilliant meaning to ordinary memories" is the best way to encapsulate it. i love how chi xueyan was falling first but then he qiao drew a line and then chi xueyan just tried his best being like "oh. he doesn't like me back. then we'll just be friends!" but then he qiao started to fall and had to try his best to chase chi xueyan lmao. but even all this takes on a very bittersweet note considering what actually happened in their previous timeline.
also love the four "iterations" of their lives: the main story, the high school au, the happy end au, and the original timeline (which made me cry wtf it didnt have to hit that hard)
i cried at he xiao's "conclusion" and the "backstory" of the "transmigration" spoiler this isn't transmigration it's regression and the beauty of it is that the "transmigrator" himself is an unreliable narrator.
i can't talk enough abt the narrative style it's almost like a fever dream. this isn't the type of story to be speed-read, it has to be savored and one has to remember details because there are constant callbacks and seemingly open-ended details that end up as closed loops and it's so incredibly beautiful. it's extremely introspective, told from the point of view of someone who "likes interesting things" and finds the most beautiful moments in his mundane daily life.
What I Disliked
damn idk nothing?? mb the clearly edited mtl lmao ok to be serious i feel like this novel can either sound poetic and beautiful or pretentious af, depending on the reader's taste.
Notes
one of my most unexpected finds of 2023
will buy in jj this novel is Worth It
i want to erase my memories of this novel and reread it
rly quite insane how 57+12 ch managed to pack so much it's an extremely dense story. idk if i'll ever reread in full bc it's actually an unexpectedly heavy read in the sense that one should activate all senses + brain to fully compute the story but it really is beautiful.
this story also reminds me of eill's finale in a different way compared to hfa, but at the core it's a song about happiness that comes from an ordinary love in extraordinary circumstances, so...
it's 02:40 and im typing this
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To Be Continued - Part 1
Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead
Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)
Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy
Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>
A/N: this story idea was created from receiving two prompts for Brian in the YouxIdol drabble game I was completing this year. In this part, you can find prompt #186, “You don’t have to answer right away. I’d wait an eternity for you.”
Word count: 2252
Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue
Brian cupped her cheek tenderly with one hand, smoothing out any worried lines across her forehead with the other. He smiled encouragingly, tears threatening to spill from his eyes with his heightened emotions. “You don’t have to answer right away.”
“I don’t?” Charli breathed back, knowing that her response to his question was already formed. Yet it wasn’t the right time for any love confessions right now. Despite this, her answer rushed to the back of her throat, where she tried to swallow it back down repeatedly.
Brian already knew and nodded softly to let her know of this. “I’d wait an eternity for you.”
“Isn’t that a bit too cringe-worthy?” you wondered, pausing to read the words upon the screen with a frown. It wasn’t out of character for Brian Kang and Charli Evers. And it certainly wasn’t the first cheesy line you’d thrown into Captivated either. Still, you mulled over the scene a little longer, deciding whether or not it should be removed.
“What would Charli do in response?” you asked out loud to no one in particular, a flurry of action from your fingers taking place immediately. You followed the scene until completion before taking a break, switching out of the word document and over to your Discord server.
Smiling as you scrolled through the new comments about the upcoming sequel you were in the later stages of writing for Brian and Charli, you let out a rattle of a cough from your chest, groaning at your illness dampening your mood.
“I’m trying to finish this final chapter tonight,” you spoke out into the universe, casting your eyes to the heavens for effect. “I’ve battled through this cold for a week now. It won’t take me down just yet!”
Reaching forward for more cold and flu medicine, you swallowed the capsules down with a painful gulp of water and then felt your forehead. It was hotter than before, though you waved it off as you answered a couple of messages and returned to the final part of the story.
Captivated was the second story in your new trilogy series since your last series Destined had become an overnight sensation. When you sat down to pen the soulmate idea into something more than thoughts in your head, you hadn’t expected the tale to touch so many people over the world. Nor had you believed you would follow it up with To Love You, Forever, And Always either.
You originally felt that Destined was the reason why Brian and Charli’s first story Encounter was easily shared around. The protagonists had their own charms though and you could tell the fan base for this series was different from the last. They were just as eager, however, to find out when the pair would shake free from the star-crossed lovers’ trope and finally give in to the evident love they had for one another.
“Part three it’ll be,” you surmised proudly and somewhat exhaustedly after typing The End onto the electronic manuscript. Leaning back in your chair, you finally allowed yourself to succumb to the illness plaguing you. In a moment of disillusion, your mind conjured up Brian standing before you with concern etched in his eyes. You let the novel scene play out in your head, wishing he was actually here to help you out of your writing office, down to your bedroom and tuck you into bed.
Swinging gently from side to side in your desk chair, you hummed with delight. Brian Kang was your biggest self-indulgence character. You had created Park Jinyoung in Destined to infuriate your main protagonist, but Brian was the ultimate fictional guy. He was playful and kind, caring and thoughtful. He knew when Charli needed him to stand up in her weak moments, and he fought for what he felt was right even when all odds were against him. He also allowed Charli to see his vulnerability and his honesty, gaining him many fans around the world. And if all that wasn’t enough, Brian Kang was incredibly attractive.
You had really created the holy grail of a dream man.
Laughing to yourself in your sick-induced state, you smiled lazily. “Dream men are just that, Y/N. Brian Kang would never exist in this world.”
You nodded to yourself, agreeing with the proclamation, feeling more single in the moment as you did so. It was funny really, you were a successful author of Young Adult romance novels and yet you hadn’t experienced the touch of a man, let alone any ardent confessions since your university days.
“Right, it’s time for bed,” you decided before your mood plummeted further into despair. However, your limbs felt too heavy to move and so you simply closed your eyes once more, hoping a little nap would help you regain some energy to head off to bed later on.
When you opened your eyes next, you found yourself in your darkened bedroom, smiling gently at bringing yourself to bed sometime during the night that you couldn’t remember. Sitting up slowly, you allowed your gaze to adjust to the dim morning light filtering through the small gap in the curtain, before reaching onto your nightstand for your phone.
You blinked. Instead of finding the device, you saw a kitchen bowl and face cloth resting over the edge of it.
Did you bring that with you in the middle of the night? Surely if you had been attempting to bring down your own fever, the face cloth would have been strewn somewhere in among your bedding after falling asleep with it, not neatly placed back upon the side of the bowl. Looking beyond that, you found a bottle of water with a third of the liquid missing. You did vaguely remember sipping on some water overnight, and that eased your mind from your initial confusion.
Shaking your head, and swinging your legs over the side of your bed, you placed your feet in your slippers before padding back into the office in search of your phone. Maybe you had help overnight after all, and you wanted to check if your mother had come over at your request. She had done that one year when you caught a nasty virus and couldn’t cope on your own anymore. Motherly love was definitely needed, and now that you had completed your obligations with Captivated and sent it off to your editor Lily, you would have no restrictions on who entered your creative space.
“Huh,” you said when you saw your laptop screen still open. You had a habit of closing the screen every night after turning the device off and approached it now with some confusion, trying to recollect what you last did the night before. Nothing rose to the surface immediately and you reached for your phone, blindly hitting speed dial on your mother’s number. And when her greeting rang down the receiver, you were more than perplexed.
“Hey, did you come by last night?”
“No, why?” she answered and then gasped. “Y/N, you sound awful! Did you keep working even though you were sick?!”
“You didn’t come here?” you repeated, fingertips reaching for the sticky note upon the computer screen. “Maybe it was Lily.”
“Lily is out of the country isn’t she?” your Mum reminded and you blinked several times before focusing enough to read the note you held.
You shouldn’t have worked so hard to complete it! Your health is important too. How will I cope if you get any worse? Make sure you rest up well and drink a lot of fluids. I need my best writer in tip top shape to see where my world continues.
I made you breakfast. It’s not much, but make sure you eat before you sit down at this desk, hm?
- B.
Dropping the note, along with letting your mouth fall ajar momentarily, you stuttered out a hasty farewell to your mum before hanging up the phone and looking to the doorway. Cautiously, you walked through your house to the kitchen where you stopped in your tracks at seeing a tea towel covering something on the bench. Gingerly peeling it back when you finally approached it, you gasped when you found several dishes underneath, along with instructions on how to heat it up.
For a split second, your mind conjured Brian up again, imagining him in your kitchen preparing all this. It would totally be just like him to make sure Charli was well fed to regain her energy from any illness.
But, you weren’t Charli Evers.
In fact, you hadn’t even based her off your personality at all, rather, a close online friend of yours who you admired a lot. So, whilst Brian would definitely go to all this trouble for Charli, you sure were clutching at straws thinking of yourself in the same situation.
Who came into your home then?
Distractedly, you heated the porridge and brewed up the tea the mystery person had prepared as well. You carried the tray of food over to your dining table when it was done and sat down before taking your first mouthful.
And then you mulled over who could possibly step into your house that had the initial B.
Maybe it wasn’t a B, you concluded when you realised no one had access to your house with that letter, even as a surname. Climbing back to your feet, you rushed to your office where you had discarded the first note and held it up to inspect the handwriting.
“It could be an R,” you mentioned out loud, then shook your head immediately. Even if the handwriting was looser than most that you knew of, it couldn’t be anything other than a B.
After examining it for a few minutes, you sat down with a huff. You’d never seen the handwriting before.
You didn’t know whether or not to be alarmed.
Had there been an intruder overnight?
Jumping back up, you persevered through the dizziness that plagued you from moving so fast, heading down the hallway to the front door. The chain was still latched and there was no sign of forced entry. Again, making your way to the back door, everything was in order.
As was every possession you owned – minus the kitchen where the food had been prepared. But even then, the dishes that had been used were rinsed and stacked by the sink.
You jumped when you heard a sudden mewl at your feet and clutched at your heart, before stooping down to pick up your cat Binks. The black cat nuzzled into you affectionately before meowing again. “I guess you want to be fed, huh?”
Walking around the counter, you stopped when you found his bowl with some food remaining. You knew Binks wouldn’t leave food overnight. Glancing at the cat, you frowned. “Who did this, Binks?”
The feline merely yawned and settled down to nap in your arms. It certainly brought the saying, cat’s got your tongue, to mind and you rolled your eyes at the infuriating situation.
Sitting down on your couch, you stared at the wall ahead of you as you tried to find an answer to all the evidence. Stroking the purring animal in your arms, you nodded determinedly.
“The only answer is that I did it in a sleep-induced state,” you announced and Binks opened his eyes to look up at you before rolling around to start licking at his back leg. You sighed. “Right, Binks?”
You were certain your cat thought you were insane. However, it was all you could find to be the answer.
“I got up and I took myself to the kitchen and prepared the ice water to cool down the fever. And went to bed. Then maybe I got up again, which is when I placed the cloth on the bowl and prepared the food. I washed my dishes, including the ones I had piling up from being too busy with work and-”
Binks leapt from your lap then, sauntering down the hallway from your side. Getting up to follow him, you ended up back in your home office, where he pounced up onto your desk, standing on the keys to your laptop. “Hey! Get off!”
Swatting the cat away from the device, you noticed that it hadn’t been turned off overnight. That was not like you at all. Logging into your account, you sat down in your desk chair and shifted back suddenly when you found a new document open.
I bet you’re in disbelief about now, right? I guess I would be too. It wasn’t you who looked after you all night long, and did your dishes. Wow, you get behind in things when you’re focused on writing.
Don’t worry. I didn’t look around - much.
Your fever went down over a couple of hours whilst I moved back and forth helping you out. It’s the least I can do after you’ve spent so much time with me. Well, we’ve yet to officially meet.
One day.
- B (your biggest fan)
PS. I fed Binks. He really does have quite the personality.
“Okay!” you sounded in an octave higher, laughing a little to yourself at the same time. “Someone was definitely here. Who is B and how does this person know so much personal information?!”
You were too preoccupied to realise the document to Captivated was still open behind the other one.
And instead of saying The End as it once had, it had been deleted and replaced with To Be Continued.
_________________
Part 2
All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft
[DAY6 Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]
#kwritersworldnet#young k#young k fiction#young k fanfic#young k fluff#young k romance#young k au#day6#day6 fiction#day6 fanfic#day6 fluff#day6 romance#day6 au#pwyl; to be continued#kpop fiction#kpop fanfic#kpop fluff#kpop romance
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ask from the lovely @lynnpaper from these prompts! Sorry in advance for the long post, but I love talking about my writing!! ❤️
F - Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
So this is a little snippet from my college au from a chapter I haven’t posted yet (or edited yet, for that matter)- I just love writing Anakin’s and Ahsoka’s friendship so much and I think this captures their dynamic well (at least I hope so!):
The small screen of Anakin’s laptop lights up the corner of his dorm room, a scary video game compilation playing on youtube. Ahsoka makes grabby hands for Anakin’s box of Cheez-its, and he reluctantly hands her the box, keeping his eyes glued to the screen. This has become their destressing ritual; Ahsoka always jokes that there’s nothing more relaxing than being scared shitless in a dark room at two am, and Anakin kind of has to agree. He does sleep better after watching Ahsoka lose her shit giggling and screaming for an hour.
The character onscreen makes their way through a nearly pitch black house, flashlight practically useless. Anakin’s stomach is clenched, a jump scare has to be coming soon.
Then, out of nowhere:
“So, are you going to ask him out?”
Anakin’s neck almost cracks, he snaps his head towards her so quickly. “What?”
She talks around a mouth of Cheez-its. “Oh, c’mon, you and Obi-wan. You clearly like him, and it sounds like he likes you too. So,” she shakes the box and shoves more into her mouth, giving herself chipmunk cheeks “you gon’ass’im?”
Anakin snatches the box out of her hands. “Absolutely not.”
Ahsoka sighs out of her nose and finishes chewing. “Why not? No-” she holds up a hand at his shriveling look “-hear me out. You really like him, Anakin. And I know we’ve never really talked about it, but I get the sense you’ve never really had a boyfriend before, and I don’t want you to pass this by just because you’re scared.”
Anakin is quiet for a moment, absentmindedly watching the video. “It’s not just that I’m scared. Well, I am, but it’s…” he shakes his head, grappling for the right words. Ahsoka watches him, patient. “Listen, my mom doesn’t know that I’m...that I like boys. And so I’ve never had the possibility of something working out with someone before, because I’ve always lived at home. And like, what if it works out and I fall in love with him, and then I lose him?” He closes his eyes at the emotion threatening tears, his honesty unlocking little bits of himself that he had neatly tucked away. “What if I fuck it all up? And the holidays are coming up and what if he wants to meet my family and what would I tell my mom? God, what if he doesn’t even like men and I’m just pining over someone I can’t have? Besides, why would he ever want someone like me?”
Ahsoka considers this all carefully, her lower lip pushed out in thought.
Anakin, eyes still closed, feels a sharp poke on his cheek: her finger. He startles, ready to admonish her, but she beats him to it.
“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”
He looks down at the Cheez-it box. “I know, but-”
“And you deserve happiness, okay? Anakin, you deserve to be loved. I’m sorry that your mom doesn’t see eye to eye with you on this, but I’ll always love you and support you, no matter what, okay?” She reaches out and squeezes his bicep. “Go after him. You want this.”
Anakin can’t look at her, his eyes welling up in tears at her honesty, her love, her friendship. He is so lucky to have her.
She grabs the box back, takes a large handful into her mouth. “If you don’t ask him out, I’m gonna tell him about the time you farted when I cracked your back.”
He winces. “It was one time, please, let me forget.”
“Never. It smelled so bad.”
“I mean, I could probably go for one right now,” he presses on his stomach, and grins devilishly at her, “if we’re gonna talk about how bad they smell.”
Her eyebrows jump up, and so does she, racing for the door. “No, absolutely not, goodbye and goodnight, I am going home.”
“Come back, I’m kidding.” He’s laughing, deep belly laughs that are working to cleanse him of the sadness of their conversation.
She eyes him warily. “Pinky promise.”
He holds up his pinky. “Pinky promise.”
When she lifts her hand, he grabs her wrist and pulls her into his side, trapping her in a hug.
“Thank you, for, y’know...being my friend.” He mumbles into her hair while she squirms against him.
She stills. “Anytime, loser.” Her arms thread around his middle, hugging him back. He can smell the lingering Cheez-its on her breath. “I mean it, you deserve love.”
G - Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?
Start to finish! I usually outline in detail first and then sit down and actually do the writing. The only times I’ll write in advance is if a scene is really bugging to be written or I get sudden inspiration. Otherwise I confuse myself writing out of order- keeping track of all the details in a fic is really hard 😭
N - Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?
Oooh yes. There’s this living ship/pirate au that we’ve kicked around on the discord server I’m a part of and I have a vague outline out of it but I have so many other projects going on so I haven’t gotten to it! But I’m so excited for it! I love the premise so much. I wish someone else could write it out so I could just read it 😂
R - Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?
Most definitely! I can’t name names but every fic I read I pay attention to the style and prose and definitely get inspired by it and try to work it into my own writing! Lately I’ve been trying to get better at making sure there’s enough detail in a scene so it’s not all prose and dialogue, so I’ve been paying attention to that in fics. But if I’ve ever read your fic, you’ve influenced me in some way.
U - Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.
This is so hard!! There are so many good writers out there!!
Off the top of my head:
@sonderwalker writes great sickfics and hurt/comfort, she makes me literally uwu in my heart
@shatouto has beautiful, lyrical works that i adore
@intermundia - everything they write is gold. my god
@katierosefun has wonderful little prompts that make me smile every time they come across my dash!
@jenjenpup her future in motion fic is one of my favorite right now!
@unpheenix young and menace is going to be one of my all time favs
lilyconrad on ao3 (anyone know their tumblr?) - i’ve read like everything theyve written
@xeniaraven i love everything!!! so good!! i always want to scream in the comments after
WhiteMoose and Ripki on ao3 - wrote fucking beautiful novels for fun?? hello?? their fics are amazing
and so many more omg literally all my friends on here are such talented writers that keep me on my toes! i feel like i have to keep up with them!! if you didn’t get mentioned please know that you should be on here, i just suck at remembering everyone (that’s what happens when you read like 453489 fics a day)
thank you for the ask my dear!! i hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!! ❤️❤️❤️
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Asks/Headcanons/Stories
Rules, Details and Other Important Information
Updated May 22nd, 2021
Status: Currently NOT accepting requests / asks
See my Masterlist here!
***The ask box will be closed within a couple days of the updated post date (April 30th). It will be closed for a couple of weeks while I bring my request count down (it’s reached over 30 requests) and due to my schedule limiting how much time I can spend writing. Any new asks I receive will be immediately posted stating the box is closed (although I’m still open to receiving comments and other questions via ask box).
How long for an answer: About a month depending on how much work will go into it, my askbox is quiet as of late but I have many that I’m working on currently. I have almost 20 drafts and a nearly equal amount of untouched requests in my ask box.
(Rules under the cut)
Hello! If you’ve reached this post you may be interested in asking/requesting something - go ahead and do so! Just make sure you keep in mind the information I list here because if an ask/request is outside my rules I probably won’t write it (there may be some exceptions heavily depending on certain factors). Therefore, please read everything (even if it’s just skimming) so you get a basic idea of what to expect from me.
The only fandom I write for is Eldarya, if you couldn’t tell by my posts lol.
Who do I write for? (Romantically)
Primarily Lance, he’s the only route I follow on my two accounts and I’ve spent a lot of personal time nit-picking and analyzing his character so I’d say I have a thorough understanding of who he is and how to write him.
I'm second most comfortable writing Valkyon, he was my route in Origins. Even though Origins is past now, I'm still happy to write about him
I’m not very interested in the other routes, but I have a general idea of what they’re like, so I’ll write for Leiftan and Nevra, too (although what I write differs. I’ll always write friendly or fluffy relationship stuff, but I draw the line around in-depth, intimate asks. I don’t know them too well so I don’t mind writing semi-vague things about them, but they won’t be very specific). I’m more comfortable writing Leiftan than Nevra overall.
I won’t write for Mathieu as I don’t know him well enough, he seems to be a pretty basic character but I doubt that’s the case so I don’t want to write something I know will likely be nowhere near relevant to who he is.
I may write for Koori, but not as of right now; I’ll update this if I decide to do so later when I know her better.
Other than what’s detailed here, I won’t write romantically for any other characters.
Have a request that’s not romantic? Awesome, I’ll write general headcanons for any of the characters.
General headcanons basically means anything not too intimate (or an ask that covers many different topics, but that's besides the point right now), I’ll write friendly requests, but not romantic ones. Have a request that seems to walk the fine line between friendship and a platonic / fluffy relationship? Go ahead and ask anyways, I may write it and even it I don’t, it helps provide an example of what I will or won’t write.
I'm happy to write any characters as Origins instead of New Era, just be sure to specify in your ask.
What do I write? (I will add warnings for NSFW and certain angst or violence prompts and how heavy it is in the writing)
Nearly anything, really
Romance
NSFW
Friendships/friendly fun stuff
Angst
Violence
A lot of others
There may be some things I’m not thinking of currently, but again, I’ll write pretty much anything (and I’ll keep updating this list in time)
That being said, I’m comfortable writing some genres with some characters and others not so much. But again, if unsure, ask anyways.
What DON’T I write?
Non-con (no consent)
Yandere
Suicide (I’ll write how it effects others, but I won’t write the specifics on how an actual character does it)
How to specify your ask:
So I’m a very specific person, and I can go on very long rants; just take this headcanon and this second one as an example. However, I know some people prefer small and short, so I’m asking that in your request/ask you specify which type of writing you want so I’m not constantly thinking ‘oh try and keep it short - but maybe one more bullet - oh god how did this get so long? - m a y b e I s h o u l d j u s t w r i t e t h i s a s a s c e n a r i o - did they want headcanons or a scenario/short story?’ Don’t care about how long my response to your ask is? Cool, don’t worry about specifying length, just send your ask (but seriously, be prepared for something close to a novel lol).
In order of shortest to longest:
Mini-headcanons - Usually the fastest to write - Not as ‘mini’ as you may think. It’s not entirely short, I’ll still put in my fair share of thoughts, but I won’t go on major rants about one thing during the ask. It’s a very straightforward / to the point ask. Not interested in possibly reading an essay on why I think this is this and how I feel this effected this person? This is pretty good for you then.
Normal headcanons / headcanons (otherwise known as medium or long headcanons) - Writing time can differ based on how much I rant, but will usually take longer than mini-headcanons - Are you ok if you end up reading a small novella or a post with so many words it rivals a dictionary? Awesome, this is the type for you! Depending on the ask, I can’t promise that I’ll go on major rants that take centuries to write, but it gives me the freedom to specify and clarify things, while also adding in a few of personal comments. This type of ask really allows me to be creative and provide examples or special situations with the characters.
Scenarios / short stories - Will most likely take longer than both types of headcanons - This type of response doesn’t take place in bullets. It’s exactly as it says - a story. I won’t include my personal opinions / theories in this as stories are a narrative, not an analysis for me. This type is a bit restrictive for me as I will press myself to stay as close to canon as possible, improvising my own theories / headcanons only when necessary to bridge aspects within the story (unless otherwise specified in the ask), but other than that I don’t like to intrude my own thoughts / theories in a story. Good for readers who want drama, descriptions, scenarios, or who feel headcanons just won’t fit the ask this time. These are typically a couple hundred words long for me.
Like mentioned above - if you don’t care about how it’s formatted, don’t worry about specifying anything or just add in the ask that you’re flexible to any format. In this case, I’ll choose what format to write in based on what I feel can fit best the ask while being written well. My default is usually headcanons, though.
Other important information:
This’ll be updated more in time
Have any specific details you want about the ask? Be sure to mention it!
I’m fine with writing asks with gender-neutral characters and such. Writing the S/O’s and reader-inserts are female by default for me, but I have nothing against writing different gender alignments
Writing takes time, especially since I try my best to write quality on every ask. It will usually take me no longer than 5 days to a week to write nearly anything, however, if my ask box is busy or there’s a particularly long request that I’m writing, it could take me within 2 to 3 weeks to write some things. I’ll try to keep it first-come-first-serve, but as some asks may be shorter than others, or I’m feeling a bit more productive on certain asks than others, response time may change a bit. I’ll keep a general idea on how long to expect a response post underneath the status listed at the top of this post
I will write for OC's (original characters)! If you're comfortable with it, I would recommend you send these asks not anonymously; I'll probably DM you to get more information. Otherwise, be sure to DM me saying what your ask was so I can connect the details you give me with the specific ask. I don't mind receiving some details via Anon ask, but it would greatly restrict me if I can't clarify some things so I can write better. That being said; if you would like your ask to be anonymous but need to DM me for details, I promise I'll keep your identity a secret. It's none of my business why you wanted to send anonymously, so I won't go revealing anything.
I have a tendency to swear, but only to stress points humorously or sexually. It’s really only to add to the tone of the story. However, if you’d like to request no swearing specifically then I’ll honor that.
With that: go ahead and ask! I always look forward to writing my next request!
Over all, I’ll write nearly anything, and if you’re unsure, just ask anyways and I’ll clarify if I’ll write it or not. And the more specific you are in your ask; the better I can write it (with reason, of course. Too much limitation will hinder).
Have a request? Ask them here!
Submissions are open! Just click on me!
#Don't be afraid#I don't bite#I'll happily write characters who do though#fenristheorem writing#askfenris
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Love your writing and I can tell you've thought a lot about Xue Yang, so I'm going to ask you what your thoughts are on his age in the CQL version? I made a costume post jokingly talking about how he's hot in the Chang massacre scenes and got to thinking and am now worried he was still a minor at that point. I headcanon everyone in CQL as like 18 to start w and was shocked to find out WWX n co were like 15/16 in the novel. From what I could find online, XY's age is up in the air. He refers to himself as a "fully grown man" in that scene. I'm gonna tweak the post probably anyway but I'm curious about your thoughts on his age in CQL specifically. (Also I wonder if you have any thoughts on JGY's age, as he'd have to be at least 18 to ship him w LXC or NMJ without being weird about it. He shares a bday w Peacock. I can't imagine Yanli, who is years older than WWX/JC in CQL, being in love w a 15 yr old at like 19. At least hopefully not.) I hope this all isn't creepy! The age thing has just been bugging me.
oh l o r d. I have thought a lot about Xue Yang but I try to think as little as possible about CQL’s timeline because frankly they seem to have kind of gone “the passage of time? what’s that, don’t know her” and thrown any sense of coherence of time passing and what happens when and how long there is between any given scene more or less out the window.
I mean, just right off the bat we see the show open with “sixteen years ago” for Wei Wuxian’s death, but then for the flashback (at least the translation says) “sixteen years ago” also, which would mean that all the events of the flashback episodes happen over the course of a year, which considering there is I’m pretty sure a canonical year gap and definitely at least a three month gap, and a nine month gap for Jiang Yanli to be pregnant in...is kind of mathematically impossible.
and it just kind of gets more bonkers from there!!!
as a rule, therefore, I just kind of tend to fling my hands up in the air about ages in CQL and go “WHATEVER! THEY’RE [MUTTERS VAGUE NUMBER] AND I’M GOING FORWARD FROM THERE” because...yeah, I mean, it’s just. bizarre and kind of unintelligible.
I put Jin Guangyao as close to Nie Mingjue/Lan Xichen’s age but a smidge younger, I put Jiang Yanli as about three years older than the Gusu Lan trio, and don’t get too fussed about the age gaps w/r/t pairings because nobody’s getting into relationships until they’re older anyway.
and there’s a big power imbalance between Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue, for instance, in their early relationship, that has nothing to do with age and everything to do with station and I think if we’re talking about “healthy” relationships (we’re not, that relationship isn’t healthy, it is a mess) then I’d put that as probably the bigger problem.
but also I maybe am not the best person to ask about any of this because besides the fact that I look at the CQL timeline and give up except on relative terms I also tend to be sort of “eh” about the whole “if you ship a character who is under 18 with a character who is over 18 it is pedophilia” because...yeah, there’s just. there’s not a magical line that makes you an adult the day you turn 19, actually, and power dynamics are not all about age, and consent is not all about age, and anyway I’m going to quit while I’m not too far behind.
anyway, all that being said, I do figure that Xue Yang is probably close in age to the main trio in that scene, maybe even a smidge younger (you will meet a lot of teenagers who will claim to be grown up, and also idk what that translation is so I can’t speak to its accuracy) but also I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with going ‘Xue Yang hot’ in that scene because to be frank his actor is...not a minor, and is hot. it’s just kind of how it is.
(I mean, Xiao Zhan is hot in the Cloud Recesses scenes, and he’s supposed to be like 15 there, and I’m not going to pretend he does not look mighty fine in the scene where he’s firing that arrow and does a thing with his tongue. I am a human woman looking at a very nice looking young man who is very definitely not a teenager.)
that’s my two cents anyway, I have no idea how helpful this is, but thank you for asking!
#the sad queer cultivators show#i don't know what to tag this#is it meta? is it headcanons? it is mostly just me being very ??? about the cql timeline#lady in the lair#conversating
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The Inevitable Dystopia of My Hero Academia (WITHOUT manga spoilers)
As noted by your local political science anime lover.
(This is a summary/rambling about a political science paper I wrote on My Hero. This is only based on the anime. I’m not caught up on the manga)
Warnings: Vague reference to abuse (Endeavor), discussion of political theory, discourse.
A/N: It’s lengthy and all over the place. It also might be impossible to follow. So I’m sorry in advance lol.
THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND A FORM OF DISCOURSE. I’m open to discussing if you have thoughts! Political science is about understanding policy and structures, not taking a stance. Any comparisons to ‘modern society’ are in reference to 1st world/developed societies, as those are the governments that parallel the My Hero Academia government.
The politics of My Hero Academia is... pretty morbid if you ask me. It’s not worse than the real world, sure, but maybe that’s why it’s all the scarier. Even with quirks and super powers, the impossible becoming possible, it isn’t enough to save them from the undesirable. Their society seems to have fallen into a cycle of suffering and oppression that has no end.
Now, I know no one really gets excited about political theory (unless you’re like me, then please be my friend), but there are some concepts that you’ll need to understand in order to follow along with my argument. So bear with me.
First, utopia. Utopia is probably a term you’ve heard casually, but the definition political theorists hold it to is simply- “a good place.” Often times it is depicted as a far away dreamland, only possible in the realm of fiction (and this makes sense given that My Hero is fictional). It is very important to understand that utopia is not necessarily perfect. It’s just better than average. There are a few standards that characterize utopia, one being the utopian focus on having very strict laws to repress the unstable nature of mankind [1]. I’ll come back to this.
Next is dystopia. Dystopia as an idea was actually made in response to utopia. It’s the ‘not-utopia,’ and is lumped with ‘anti-utopia’ (this comment is in reference to the semiotic square, if you would like to develop a further look into it). The simplest way to understand dystopia is to know it’s ‘a not-good place.’ [2] But that’s surprisingly broad. Dystopias can be a failed utopia, or they could have developed on their own as a result of any number of reasons. You’ve probably seen all sorts of depictions of dystopia (climate dystopias, medical dystopias, technology-based dystopias, literally any YA novel from my childhood, you get the idea). Its key to note that unlike an apocalypse, where there is utter destruction and it ends with complete annihilation of humanity, there is hope* inherently written into it.
*Hope here meaning there’s theoretically a way for the government to be changed/overthrown without death of the majority.
Now that all that boring stuff is out of the way- let’s talk about My Hero Academia.
I’d argue that, at first glance, Hero Society seems to be working towards utopia. When reading from Deku’s perspective, especially in the beginning, you would think that their society is close to becoming utopian. The impossible is possible, being a hero is a reality, and a symbol of peace tangibly and definitively exists. When you compare it to pre-quirk society, these changes would appear to be developments. As for the ‘in progress’ aspect, I think Hawks verbalizes it best when he says his goal is for heroes to have too much time on their hands. They aren’t there yet, but if that goal is achieved, it would be a mark of utopia.
They’ve achieved some level of utopian standards by meeting the ‘strict laws to repress the unstable nature’ standard. Think about the concept of licensing quirks, quirk regulation, and the government institutions that regulate quirk society. Remember when Tomura cornered Deku at the shopping mall and mentioned something along the lines of, ‘all these people could wield their quirks at any moment they want, but choose not to? Instead they smile and laugh.’
He has a point. Why is that? From a political theorist point of view, it’s honestly very shocking. For centuries, theorists have argued about how to manage human nature. It’s a difficult task as is. Give everyone superpowers? That would have to be 10x as chaotic. But in the My Hero world, it’s not. It’s well organized. The government took action to regulate the physical instability of humanity which arose from quirks. What’s so impressive to me is that they managed to mitigate (not eliminate) the instability of human nature/behavior along with it.
But if you take a step back to look at My Hero Academia, slowing down and stepping out of Deku’s shoes, I don’t think the instinct is to classify it as a utopia in progress. Of course, its superpowered with quirks- adding to the realm of possibility. But crime of all sorts is superpowered, just as the justice systems/law enforcement in the country.
When I made this realization, I understood I had kind of been drawn into the propaganda the society puts out. It’s a sort of cloak built up by the positive media around the heroes, the narrative being focused on young heroes and their great mentors, and the universal title of ‘villain’ being put on everyone that breaks the government’s laws (this really bothers me, and maybe I’ll discuss it another time). Things aren’t better. Crime rates have gone down I believe, but the anti-hero sentiments being harbored are more intense than in certain real world societies. Hero society hasn’t necessarily resolved any of the problems that our society would have. The balance is the same, but the possible actions people can take, or the behaviors that are exhibited, are scaled up on both sides of the law.
What’s worse is that- even if its not a universal experience, this society is also a dystopia for many people. The first hint of this society being less than perfect is when we hear from Stain and his pursuit of a ‘just society’ by eliminating fraudulent heroes. His ideals are surprisingly level-headed, and very rigorous in standard, even if it is based in questionable morals. But it’s easy to brush it off. However, its less deniable as you learn more about these characters.
Shigaraki was abandoned and waited for heroes to save him, but they didn’t. Overhaul was also an orphan living on the streets. Eri was abandoned by her mother because of her quirk. Twice was villainized, when in reality he has mental health issues (dissociative identity disorder I believe). It broke my heart when Twice said “heroes only save good people.” Who decided they were bad people? Why weren’t they saved?
Also, can we talk about the quirkism? (Which I don’t know if that’s a real term within this fandom yet, it might be, but just to be on the same page, I mean quirk-based discrimination) You have people like Shinsou, who’s treated as villain even though he wants be a hero- solely because of his quirk. I believe Toga was also treated poorly because of the nature of her quirk as well (correct me if I’m wrong). And then you have Midoriya, who was harassed and bullied for not having a quirk at all. Clearly none of them have control over the way they were born, and yet they all had to deal with how society treats them because of the uncontrollable. (At this point I’m sure its clear there are a lot of parallels with the discourse around quirkism, racism, and sexism, which is a whole nother conversation).
Having good quirks also seems to get you a pass, or puts you outside the reach of the law. The only example I need for this is Endeavor and his children. Despite all the abuse he’s done that makes him a villain in my book, he stays the number 2 hero. That’s all I need to say.
The suffering of all these individuals is a direct result of the failure of the government. And this isn’t a ‘government should have taken extra steps to help them.’ This is a situation where the government’s structure, including the sensationalized media and monopolization of quirk use, has actively attacked and oppressed people who otherwise would have been untargeted.
This is a world of misery for them- the people who make up the underworld. We call them villains and criminals because they are- but I don’t think its fair to call all of them bad people. They definitely didn’t start out that way. They are the results of suffering. They are created by a society that solely aims to remove them from existence. This hero society is so unjust that its faults create its own villains. The villains they aim to stop came to be because of the ‘heroes’ in the first place. The irony there is painful, and I hate that it’s a sort of self fulfilling prophecy.
The reason why I think it’s morbid is because there is no escape. Quirk society in its current state is undeniably a dystopia for many. But the issue is (and this was the crux of my argument in my paper) dystopia and utopia inevitably and consistently coinhabit space. What is utopia to one will be a dystopia to another. There is no way to get everyone to uniformly view society.
What that means is, somebody will always be suffering in this society. At least, that’s the cycle that’s been set up. In the episode where Tamaki got shot with a quirk erasing bullet and Kirishima fought the gangster on quirk enhancing drugs, that gangster did say that this was ‘their time’ to rise. “It’ll be the age of those who live in the shadows.” They’re not looking for resolution. They’re looking for revenge. They want to flip the script and be the ones living in utopia while everyone else is subject to suffering. The concept of everyone living happily in harmony and true peace isn’t even in consideration.
There seems to be no middle ground, no solution to the push and pull between the ‘heroes’ and ‘villains.’ The unfairness will continue to be passed around, and unless someone can break the cycle, attack the corruption of the system at its roots,
the problem is not going to go away.
Sources!
[1] Claeys, Gregory, and Fatima Vieira. “The Concept of Utopia.” In The Cambridge Companion to Utopian Literature. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2013.
[2] Robinson , Kim Stanley. “Dystopias Now.” Commune, November 17, 2018.
https://communemag.com/dystopias-now/.
Copyright © 2020 Colorseeingchick. All rights reserved.
#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#my hero academia politics#boku no hero politics#political science and anime#political science#anime#discourse#colorseeingchick writes#discourse with the colorseeingchick
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Lovely Allergen
What I Liked
the vaguely moumou-like atmosphere it has, i think it's a mix of the way the setting is described---the details of the song household, their school, the smattering of friends, lin rong's restaurant, cotton candy and orange...it just sketches out this very vivid picture of their daily life and how it shaped song yu and yue shizhi into who they are, and i rly liked that! it makes the whole story feel more alive
the food descriptions!!!!! reading this in the middle of the night is like... dang im getting hungry just reading abt it!! war flashbacks to kdrama eating scenes!!!
as usual, i have to mention the ad ost lmao all 3 seasons have such lovely theme songs
song yu with the tags slapped onto him: "cold love interest" "doting love interest" "devoted love interest"
yue zhishi: "cute protagonist" "weak protagonist"
but also they're such a deep, interesting spin on the whole "cute/weak shou" and "cold doting gong" archetype, zhichu rly rly rly writes so well, i felt it even from yybl (but also both translators for yybl n kagmy r both rly rly good as well, which contributes a lot to the reading experience). the way song yu is so cold and detached not just bc "his personality is like that" but bc he has to repress his feelings for yue zhishi, and how he's even losing sleep over it, but he won't ever say anything out loud bc he knows it's wrong... how yue zhishi is so so dependent on him, oblivious to his own feelings, how the initiative has to come from yue zhishi and yet song yu takes it upon himself to be responsible for "leading his little brother astray" but also yue zhishi won't let him take that responsibility alone!! the way i wanted them to be happy because both of them really deserve that happiness... sigh
there r just so many small moments that it's hard to describe in one piece. song yu and yue zhishi's relationship is built upon all of these small moments glittering like stardust, gathered up inside a crystal clear bottle. when exactly did they fall in love? these two probably don't even know it themselves, but before they realized it, the crystal bottle has been filled with so much glittering stardust, their precious memories etched on each fragment
the cute au where they meet for the first time but have long since fallen in love w each other from exchanging their letters, very wholesome very cute i even love its placement (2 chapters right before the very last extra) and how it ties in to the last extra... sigh again
i cried at the letter song yu wrote actually that entire sequence of them coming out to the parents broke my heart
the car scenes how can i not mention the car scenes, zhichu car scenes r absolutely 😔👌
as a whole, zhichu also writes with this... sort of hopeful tone. like, her version of reality is a very very gentle and hopeful one. she doesn't outright gloss over gay relationship as "gay marriage is legal now for plot convenience reasons" but she also treats it as like, something people will eventually accept. her books are honestly just very gentle and warm (even though kagmy has like this melancholic undertone throughout the text, which can't be avoided but also makes it a p heavy read despite the deceptive "slice of life childhood friend romance" plot)
also also that quote on the s3 ad banner art which is also a spoiler to the last sentence of the main story, which is also the reference of s1 theme song title...
What I Disliked
mmh not quite dislike and also i understand why it's like that but like... the slow burn truly was slow, like glacially slow until they confessed n then things went Wild
Notes
ngl part of the reason why i started kagmy is to use this absolutely gorgeous banner art from ad s3
tbh zhichu novels r always kinda heavy lmao she mentioned it too though, how there isn't a "sweet" tag bc it's not supposed to be a smooth-sailing fluffy novel
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Let me introduce you to...
The Sebagni "Do these people know how to read?" AU
(it's going to be a long one, but it's semi-humourous with clichés, so bear with me)
...in which Sebastian "I'm allergic to stupidity" Michaelis (who may or may not be human, who knows) is a tired teacher who hates his colleagues so, SO much, so he spends a lot of time in a library, which is huge, but old and the location (it's near a very creepy graveyard, for the vibes :D) doesn't help, so no one really goes there as much as he does. He has his habits, his spot (a very sturdy cold gray sofa which seems out of place in the worn-out yet warm browns and golds of the library) and a very precise routine. Nothing interrupts his routine. (Only cats are allowed to. Anything can be interrupted for cats.)
Until the day he finds a tiny brat (hi Ciel :)) sitting in his spot. He seriously considers committing infanticide (which would've saved him many headaches, but he doesn't know that yet), but doesn't, because at least the child is quiet. And the day gets worse because the tiny ball of vague anger sitting in Sebastian's beloved sofa somehow transforms into a ball of (probably affectionate) rage as Ciel gets bothered by the exceptionally bright, sweet and LOUD sunshine boy we all know as Soma, who somehow knew he was going to this library??? Soma's bestie radar is powerful.
Kid's are loud, Sebastian hates his life, and decides to leave, borrowing a book (which he couldn't read because c h i l d r e n) on his way out and guess what? That doesn't go that smoothly either. The whole "you gotta tell the librarian you're borrowing that book so they write down your name probably in order to chase you down and kill your family if you forget to give it back" thing is much easier to do when said librarian isn't busy having a chat with someone.
*insert everyone's favourite cliché "oh the man is hot AND respectful" kinda thing as Seb and Agni finally meet, small talk, they immediately like eachother because in this house Sebagni is a slow burn romance but friends at first sight*
After spending ten minutes ✨looking respectfully✨ while talking, Sebastian finally leaves.
Life is messy, he's very busy, he somehow ends up lowkey adopting the brat, who's a pupil in his school, though he's not in any of Sebastian's classes. ("You can't eat a whole cake for lunch????" "Yes I can??????" "No you can't????????" "What are you, my mum??????????" "If it gets you to eat an actual meal instead of this- how did you even get that dessert, I- anyway if it works,I might as well be." "You want to be like her? Then perish." "..." "...anyway...")
A whole week goes by before he can go to the library again.
You know where I'm going with this.
✨Oh no, Mr. Hot and Respectful is the new librarian so now Sebastian gets to see him very regularly and there will be many conversations about lots of things!✨
Anyway that's like, 1% of the many many thoughts I have on this, but I realised halfway through that I did not feel like writing a whole novel in a tumblr post, so that's it for now. I might mention it again someday. Who knows.
#sebagni#i'm tired and my brain just creates whole things that cater to my sense of humour sometimes#so this happened. it is what is is.#kuroshitsuji
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