#twst crack
lemonandlime22 · a day ago
Part 12 Randomly Generated incorrect Quotes ( Twisted Wonderland I Third years) ✨double the quotes✨ (one was changed)
Vil: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Trey: Make lemonade! Vil: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.
Rook: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride. Trey: Actually Rook, it’s salt. Rook: That’s what I said, sodium chloride. Trey: Uh Rook, that would be salt. Trey: *takes salt packer from Rook* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.
Lilia: You can't wake up if you never got to sleep.
Vil: So... what’s goin’ on? Lilia: You want the long version or the short version? Vil, hesitantly: The short one, I guess? Lilia: Shit’s fucked. Vil: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.
Cater: Yeah I'm LGBT. Cater: cuLt leader. Cater: God hates me personally. Cater: cowBoy hat. Cater: *sniffles* Trying my best.
Malleus: Hey. Leona: Hey? Malleus: I can't sleep. :/ Leona: I can. Goodnight.
Idia: Ok, first of all, what the fuck?
Trey, to the Squad: I’d die for you. Vil: Then perish. Leona: You will. Rook: Please don’t. Malleus: Cool. Cater: I’d die for you first.
Lilia: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.
Cater: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.
Trey: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk. Trey: *cuts piece of cake* Idia: ...Can I have some? Trey: Cake is for talkers.
Idia: What the fuck is wrong with you?? Rook: What? No good morning? Idia: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you??
Lilia: Even Leona and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich. Leona: I mistook them for a garbage can.
Leona: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something! Malleus: You left me, Trey, and Vil in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago. Leona: I did that on purpose, try again.
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mrs-schoenheit · 5 days ago
Adeuce : We are not paying for that
Floyd: *annoyed* why not? you ordered 42 coffee
Adeuce: We said 4 tea 2 coffee
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mee-op · 18 days ago
malleus says that he has a friendship bracelet for you so you hold your hand out to him but then one of your wrists is in a handcuff and you see malleus putting himself in the same handcuff you're stuck in.
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yuusishi · 2 months ago
Telling Heartslabyul boys about your world’s weird trends
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I don’t even know how I got this idea it’s currently 2am but the boys’ reaction to you telling them that your world used to eat tidepods as a trend!
pairings: Riddle , Trey , Cater (separate) x gn!reader
genre: fluff , sort of crack-ish?
cws/tws: tidepod trend
Riddle Rosehearts
complete and utter confusion.
“I remember when people used to eat tidepods in my world as a trend” “what are tidepods?”.
after explaining to him he just silences for a few moments trying to comprehend why on earth would people do that.
“Oh well, it’s not like stupid trends aren’t bound to happen on the internet” you answered but Riddle still had that look of shock in his face.
“(name), please tell me you didn’t do a trend such as that” he asked “Riddle, I’m still standing here alive”
would ask you a bit more about other trends in your world out if curiosity but please do not tell him any more dangerous ones.
“There’s a part of me that is glad I was born in Twisted Wonderland instead…” “But we could’ve met sooner if you were born in my world!” you jokingly whined.
being born in a world without magic then suddenly being taken to a world with it, he wonders if these trends happen out of boredom from having no magic or it’s the fault of stupid people influencing others…maybe both.
Trey Clover
another one that’s also extremely confused.
this man has worked in the kitchen how many times in his life, after hearing your explanation on what a tidepod is he was filled with nothing but worry and slight disappointment.
“Do people really not read packaging anymore or are some just…not the brightest” he sighed.
he later laughed it off to younger teens having too much time (and freedom) on their hands for their own good.
“Wait… (name), you didn’t do that trend, did you?”
you let out a hard laugh at Trey’s sudden worried inquiry and its timing, your contagious laughter soon got to Trey and you were both laughing heartily in the kitchen.
“Yes I did actually”
Trey stared at you with wide eyes as if he was trying to stare holes into your head.
“I’m just joking!” he breathed a sigh of relief.
Cater Diamond
“Look, I know I’m the magicam-addict here but what.”
he was silently laughing in astonishment after you explained the trend, his hands covering his face.
“(name), I don’t know if I should be worried or disappointed at your world…” his voice came out slightly hoarse from his earlier laughter.
Cater’s seen a lot of stupid trends created by influencers on Magicam over the years, some definitely coming close to the one you just mentioned.
honestly I think he won’t even be as shocked as Riddle and Trey at that trend because of how much time he’s spent on social media seeing stupid posts, the most he’d be surprised at were people putting their health in very obvious danger but still doing it.
Cater definitely tells you about Twisted Wonderland’s own set of stupid trends they’ve had over the years that he can remember.
you spent the rest of the afternoon laughing with Cater about both of your own experiences seeing dumb and funny things on social media.
It is 3am and I will pass out now, good night 🙏, I also didn’t take this fic seriously so if it’s shitty that’s why. It’s a crack fic after all 😋.
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onlyloversleftalivedd · 29 days ago
The dorms as images i saw on Pinterest
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(Not my images)
Requests are open btw
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amora-ledezma · a month ago
Does NRC have a broadcasting system??? Or even a broadcasting club?
Because I just thought of crack that might just end up taking over my blog built on the headcanon NRC has a broadcasting system(probably run by Idia? Or Ortho ig? Vil is a good candidate too tho):
The Prefect/Yuu has a broadcast named “Unique Magic: Listen Up.” where NRC students send in things they need advice for and then the Prefect and some other person(they would probably have special guests every now and then, most likely the dorm leaders) give them advice in the most blunt, honest way possible. And depending how stupid a question is, they talk some sense into the sender.
Everyone at NRC, yes, even the staff, find it hilarious to listen to some magicless human flame the sh-t out of their fellow schoolmates.
It was just a podcast only NRC students can listen to, but then a big radio studio(?) heard of it and offered Yuu a big sum of money to do it at their station. It could be daily or weekly but you all can decide on that, either way, Yuu’s getting that bag.
*Cue Yuu and Grim celebrating the fact that they aren’t paid the bare minimum by a certain useless f-cking bird*
8/19/22: Be right back, I’m going to go and make a scenario with this:P
8/23/22: anyways, here’s the blog I made to build more on this.
Please send in stupid things people have asked you/other people for advice for. Or just normal things you need advice for, there’s no shame in that.
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willowwhispersspeakeasy · 6 months ago
Can i request cat mc (any dorm leaders of your choice)
In the middle of the class, *character* was throwing a ball told mc to fetch it but instead when they return, they bring a knife
a new fan favorite item has been found it seems~ I'll start a tag for this little mishap. -Onyx, the bartender
cat mc series tag here
twst! cat mc brings them a knife
characters: Malleus Draconia, Azul Ashengrotto, Riddle Rosehearts
warnings: gender neutral mc, shenanigans
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he found in amusing that you liked to play fetch with him. usually you preferred to lay in his lap and nap, but today you were a bit more playful. trying to reach up to bat at his hair he decided to distract you instead.
with a flurry of his fingers Malleus summoned a small fluffy ball, the fur almost as soft as yours. you kept trying to groom him so he figured you'd like something easier for your little tongue to show affection.
your eyes widened at the ball, already sniffing it curiously. he offered you a few more pets to relax you into excepting the new toy. once you had already started batting it across his lap, Malleus picked up the toy and tased it behind him.
hopping off his lap you slunk off to locate the toy. a moment later you returned with it in your mouth, like a proud mother cat carrying her kitten. you hopped onto your back paws to place the ball in his lap once more.
Malleus offered you some ear scratches as a reward, below throwing the ball back once again. you didn't return as quickly this time, but Malleus simply assumed you had trotted off with it to find a nice patch of sun to doze in.
he was mistaken when you pranced back to his side once more, this time will a small paring knife in your jaws. Malleus had to hold back a laugh, wondering which poor student you had swiped it from.
you proudly presented your gift to the fae prince, who excepted it with an amused smirk.
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he doesn't know that much about land dwellers pets, but he knows dogs like to play fetch, so perhaps you would as well. if it keeps you busy but out of trouble he will try it.
Azul looked down at you with his arms crossed, a frown settled on his face. you lay spread out on his desk chair, happily grooming your paws.
"troublesome cat." he sighed, scooping you up gently before plopping you down on the couch instead. "I have something for you, since I am so benevolent and kind hearted."
he produced a small ball from his pocket, holding it out to let you sniff it curiously.
"now, fetch." he threw it to the other side of the room. you watched it roll to a stop against the wall. Azul eyed you as you blinked up at him, utterly uninterested.
"very well, continue your bath I suppose." he sighed and shrugged, dismissing your reaction. after a few minutes you hopped off the couch and over to the ball, sniffing at it once more.
Azul payed you no mind, simply carrying on with his work. he didn't even notice as you took the ball and trotted off towards the kitchen of Mostro Lounge.
some time later he felt a small pat on his knee. looking down it seamed you had returned with a gift.
"where did you get that!" he took the large knife from your mouth, standing in alarm. you blinked up at him, not understanding why your gift had been rejected.
"Azul, we have a thief." came the ever calm and collected voice of Jade. Azul looked up, holding the butcher knife.
Jade leaned on the doorway, a small ball balanced between two of his long fingers.
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you're going to give him a heart attack. Riddle refused to let you out of his sight after the rosebush incident, instead carrying you either in his arms or letting you lay in his bag as he went to class.
you were currently curled up in Riddle's bag, only the very tip of your tail tapping the textbook you laid on. he leaned down to retrieve a notebook, offering you a few pets in the process.
you leaned into his hand, always pleased for the affection. after a moment you nuzzled into the bag, producing a small and brightly colored ball, a gift from Cater.
Riddle rolled his eyes, already knowing what you wanted. he glanced around to insure he wasn't going to disrupted anyone else's lesson, before he took the ball and gently threw it towards the back of the classroom.
you trotted off to retrieve it, tail high as you batted the ball up into the air below catching it in your sharp teeth. this went on for some time, you'd trot back to Riddle's side, and he'd throw the ball for you once more.
until, you didn't come back right away. anxiety brewed in his stomach, worried you could be hurt once more. taking a couple deep breaths he scanned the classroom until he located your twitching tail.
you trotted back to his side, this time dragging something... strange behind you. Riddle stared in horror as you dragged the large hunting knife behind you.
at first he wondered where on earth you could have retrieved such a thing, then a sense of fear washed over him at the mental imagine of a certain blonde vice housewarden.
you were quickly scrolled by Riddle as the knife was taken from you. after all, who knows what that huntsman might do if he got his hands on a small feline like yourself.
"how on earth did you even get this?" Riddle sighed at the pleased look in your eyes.
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sahinechan · a month ago
Mc/Yuu: Beware!! You might fall in love with me~ *wink wink*
Twst boys: Jokes on you!! I already have..–
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forgwater · a month ago
Welcome to Floyd's Nightmare: Revenge of the Shrimp
summary: mc is an actual shrimp and the only one that thinks it's weird is Floyd
the first post
Ever since the new prefect has made their presence known, things... became a little weird for Floyd.
At first it was all fun and games, playing with Shrimpy was entertaining and the two kinda became friends... or something like that.
But everyone kept treating the prefect like a human! I mean, it's not wrong to treat a creature that speaks to you like that...
Because apparently everyone else doesn't need to use Animal Languages to communicate with the prefect. No one but Floyd!
The prefect isn't human! They're a freaking SHRIMP!
So WHY does everyone act like this is NORMAL?!
"They're a transfer student, don't be rude."
Oh, so now they're acting like decent human beings, huh.
Telling him not to bully the prefect and all that... Can't they see he's not bullying them! He's just trying to find out what is going on!
Just why was everyone so mean to him?! He's never done anything wrong in his entire life!
Hey! The battery and assault charges don't count! They're inside jokes okay?!
Not even the "you're telling me a shrimp fried this rice?" jokes he once loved can make his mood better.
What a nightmare!
The Mostro Lounge is as busy as it usually is. The student body is engaging in the consumerist mindset Azul is banking on. Just usual boring stuff...
But all of a sudden the doors are slammed open!
And lo and behold who has appeared:
"SHRIMPY?!" Floyd can't believe his eyes. The last time the prefect came here someone tried to put them into a cocktail.
Yet here they stand looking like they're on a mission... from what he could tell... the prefect's a bit too small to properly make out the details.
Azul takes front stage and clears his throat as he gestures towards the new arrival:
"Everyone, this is your new co-worker, the Ramshackle prefect." the capitalist octopus declares.
"... What the fuck..." is all Floyd manages to say, disbelief clear in his voice.
"Floyd... I don't know why you don't want to work together with the prefect. But there's no need to be rude." Jade's voice sounds from behind the bar.
"They're a shrimp and they don't have magic!" the other twin protests.
"You really like that nickname, hmmm?" a chuckle escapes his brother's lips.
"They'll do just fine. So stop complaining, there are customers to serve." Azul joins the two, shrimp prefect in tow.
This is just horrible! Now Floyd's day is completely ruined!
Why is it necessary for the prefect to be here?! They can manage just fine without them! He's here, isn't he?! Floyd's reliable too, right?! Wait... don't answer that.
So what does the prefect have that Floyd doesn't? Shrimp vision? Okay fine, he'll admit, that's kinda cool...
With a heavy sigh Floyd decides that he'll continue to work... but he's gonna be complaining and annoying everyone while doing so.
The day drags slowly and as it comes to an end the prefect lands on his shoulder.
"What do you-" but the eel is interrupted.
"I know you're onto me, Leech." the shrimp whispers in his ear.
"... So you admit something is going on, Shrimpy." Floyd narrows his eyes at the crustacean. "What the hell is going on, then? You might as well tell me." he tries to tempt them into a confession.
"Revenge." they say.
"Is this about that time I threatened to boil you?" the eel asks "C'mon... That was only one time!-"
"It is worse than that! You have brought great dishonor upon my kind!" the prefect announces.
"My kind toils in the kitchens of many a renowned restaurants... and all you can do is joke about the food?!" there is barely contained rage inside the prefects tiny body as they shake with anger.
"...Is it about the shrimp fried rice...?" Floyd looks into the beady orbs of the shrimp. "It's about the shrimp fried rice, isn't it?" he tries to talk again but is rudely interrupted.
"And as The Shrimpiest One Of All, I shall avenge my brethren!" the prefect shakes one of their tiny legs in the air, before they-
And then Floyd awakens on one of the Mostro Lounge's couches. He looks around and sees the prefect. They're human.
Wait, did one of the shrimps in his shrimp fried rice go bad? Oh well, it was only a dream, so it doesn't matter anymore.
... But unbeknownst to Floyd, there is a tiny army of shrimp silently watching him from the hellish confines of the Mostro Lounge Aquarium.
"You may have gotten away this time... but I will get you sooner or later. So sleep with one eye open, Floyd Leech." one of them vows.
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nekombers · 2 months ago
may i request a cater, kalim, rook and azul with baby fever? fem y/n pls :)
cater, azul, kalim and rook with baby fever — !!
readers gender not mentioned —!
genre : fluff & crack :)
part two : not written yet
warnings : grammatical errors and possible mistakes in words ( not proofread )
cater diamond
“ don’t you think we’d make a cute family ? we can even be like one of those family channels on the web ! ” he playfully winked at you while snaking an arm around you pulling you into a sweet embrace with his arm.
“ hm let me think about it.. no.” you shook your head, letting a sigh escape your lips. you knew cater wasn’t going to budge.
this was probably his hundredth attempt of trying to convince you to have a kid with him.
it didn’t make you uncomfortable but cater’s way of convincing that made you wanna just disappear in that moment.
“ oh! oh! oh! maybe we can buy matching clothes for us three doesn’t that sound nice!? i can take a picture and upload it under the hashtags #familylife #trendy #parents”
kalim al-asim
“ y/nnnn!! don’t you like this adorable baby crib I bought!?” kalim excitedly rushed to your side, pulling you along to where a big fancy baby crib stood in the middle of the room.
your eyes widened at seeing the big price tag sticking out.. “ kalim! we don’t even have baby.. and this was basically cost tons!”
“ but i just couldn’t wait! it was on sale and plus, don’t you like the little plushies which came along with it!? mini y/n will love it!”
“ kalim..”
“ hm?”
“ there won’t be no mini y/n anytime soon.”
“ oh ”
rook hunt
“ but mon amour! please do reconsider, you see I had roi du poison contact but only the best baby clothes designers in this place. we can’t possibly ship all this back!”
“ well too bad, it looks better inside the box than it will ever look good on a baby.”
rook just continued to whine as you sat and watch him fold all the baby clothes he had purchased and place them neatly back in the box.
“ mon amour..”
“ keep folding…”
“ perhaps keeping just one-”
“ no.”
azul ashengrotto
“ azul.. what’re all these workers doing in our house? why are they making a hole in the wall connected to our room!?”
“ hello my angelfish!” azul gave you a small smile. “ do you perhaps like how the remodeling for the baby room is looking?”
you stood there frozen in horror as you watch another work smash a hole in the wall with his hammer. right after he sent a thumbs up towards azul before turning back hand continuing working.
“ fantastic, am I right? those years of work in the mostro lounge finally paid out-”
“ angelfish-?"
“ y/n?”
you stood there frozen almost a few seconds close to passing out from the surprise that was brought upon you.
“ t-this is too m-much…”
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thegalxe · 4 months ago
Trey's dorm uniform. He wears his black undervest unbuttoned because its too small for his man boobs to fit and if he so much as crosses his arms the buttons would fly off. He's the only one who wears it unbuttoned.
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lemonandlime22 · 2 months ago
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some snek boi doodles 🐍
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mrs-schoenheit · a month ago
Yuu : Do you want this handful of moss?
Ace: Why the fuck would I want a handful of moss
Deuce: Well shit you coulda just said “No”
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ladyorchidia · 2 months ago
haha i loved your lil series with the chef event, always brings a smile to my face ^^ /gen
I was wondering if you could do hc's with this event but make it Savanaclaw, if thats alright ^^;
I hope you are having a pleasant day or night!
🖤 anon
Do people eat lions...? Spoilers : well I'm not gonna burn my eyes for this and pretend that it's an actual thing, let's gooooo !
Happy to know my fics bring joy to you 🖤 anon, now onto the fic with Savannaclaw.
Warning(s) : a lot of curse words and if you are that sensitive to your favorite character getting served food of their own species you can move on.
A tired Mc serves the savanna boys a special meal :
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Well, well what do we have here- HOLY SHIT MC WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK ?!
What. is. that.
Lion steak ?! OK.
He is disturbed to say the least, why ?
Is it the overblot ? Get over it I'm not gonna apologise-
five words : Please don't hurt my family.
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Well this is nice, what do you have for him- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT.
if you're a girl than you originally intimidated him from the start BUT THIS IS A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.
does not move, my boy turned into stone as if you were medusa's reincarnation or smt.
Lemme just- L E A V E
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one word : Why ?
ok. I get it. you're tired and all but- Jack ? Seriously ?
He isn't my favorite and I have no idea on how to make fics for him but I don't know what he did to make you this pissed off.
Oh hello there jesus ! How did I die ? well I just got STABBED BY ONE OF YOUR PROBLEMATIC CHILDREN !
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loveydovey-leviathan · 8 days ago
> reposted from my personal blog: @mee-op
malleus x gn! reader
based on this
It was another normal day, meaning it was exhausting. Making sure Grim doesn't set anything on fire, holding Ace and Deuce back from beating each other up, Floyd, Kalim (he's sweet but he can be a bit overbearing), getting Leona's lunch because he didn't want Ruggie to do it for some reason, Crowley, etc.
I'm not getting paid enough for this, you think. But then you remember you don't get paid at all— other than the occasional part-time job when you had the time.
You just want to lie down and go to sleep, but you still have homework and studying to do. Can't depend on Grim to keep your average to more than just barely passing.
You sigh, even if you want to scream.
While you're thinking of punting something across a magift field, the hair at the back of your neck stands up.
You're being watched.
Any normal person would've been worried, but you're friends with weird people— and just as you were about to turn to face the person following you, you feel a hand on your shoulder.
You look, and it's Malleus.
You can't say you're surprised to see him. Your hangouts are rare but enjoyable. He can be a bit eccentric but he doesn't really make life harder for you, for which you're grateful.
What you are surprised to see is the grin on his face and his hand hiding something behind his back.
His smile is cute, albeit a bit creepy, but you suddenly have a bad feeling.
"Good evening, beastie," a new nickname he gave you, you've asked what it means but he only ever responds with a cheeky smile.
"Uhh, hey Malleus," you're getting nervous. He'd never hurt you, so you're not worried about that. It's just he doesn't really understand human culture, which causes an abundance of problems.
"I have a gift for you," he says as his grin stretches wider. He's clearly excited for you to see it, but the feeling of foreboding isn't going away.
"Um... okay," you hold your hand out cautiously.
"I would like for you to close your eyes, beastie. I want this to be a surprise,"
You do as he says, and you think that you might as well just get it over with. It can't be that bad—
You fell metal around your wrist, and then a click.
Oh goddammit—
"You may open your eyes, now,"
You pray it isn't what you think it is, that it's just a really weird bracelet and not pair of handcuffs.
It's a pair of handcuffs. One end is on your wrist, and the other is on his. It doesn't really help when you realise it's around your dominant hand.
"Do you like it, beastie?" he looks incredibly happy, and you don't think for a second that he did this knowing it isn't normal for humans.
You don't answer his question, "Where's the key?"
He beams at you, "It no longer exists."
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majestickitty-si · 24 days ago
floyd/Lilia definitely try to fuck you to this
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adultish-momma · a month ago
Scared Shrimpless
Movie Night got cancelled on account of trauma
"Aw man, movie night at Ramshackle! I'm thinking tonight's theme should be horror."
"Ace, you just want to scare the Prefect."
"Pssh, and so what if I do? You going to sit here and act like you're not going to offer to 'hold their hand if they're scared'? Come on Deucey, we both know you want them to hide behind you when they get jumpscared."
The freshman duo continued to bicker as they walked along the path to Ramshackle from the main campus. The sun had just set, and the twilight surrounding them gave everything a cheap B-list horror movie feel. There was even a fog creeping across the land the closer they got to the dilapidated building their best friend called home. (Unbeknownst to the Heartslabyul students, the ghosts had found their old industrial fog machine, and after a trade with Sam's shadowy helpers, they were able to obtain an obscene amount of dry ice). It was silently agreed upon that they would rather focus their attention on making the other student blush because of their shared crush on Yuu than acknowledge how much night walks to Ramshackle scared the daylights out of them.
And then they heard it.
Ace wrote the noise off as the wind whistling through some trees, but as it steadily grew louder, Deuce finally stopped mid-stutter to look for the source of the screeching that seemed to be getting closer.
"Ace you hear that too right?"
"Yeah, it actually kind of sounds like the Pre-"
Ace and Deuce were left dumbfounded as The Ramshackle Prefect zoomed right on past them, moving so fast the boys' hair fluttered in the breeze they left behind.
They looked at each other. Then at the back of the retreating student. At each other once more. And then with a mutual understanding of "we're both too stupid to not see what Yuu is running from", they turned to face the direction Yuu had come from.
A mistake really, probably the biggest mistake the two had made all year.
Barrelling around the corner into their line of sight was a green and purple mass of pure nightmare fuel, running as fast as its oddly detailed and toned legs could carry it, screaming in a hauntingly familiar (yet distorted and just wrong) voice "Shrimpyyyyyyy!"
The duo stood frozen as the crime against gods ran by them in its pursuit of his prey, long eel tail and purple scarf whacking them both in his haste.
It paid to share a single brain cell, because all it took was one second long glance at each other, and then the movie night was abandoned.
They say if you stood outside anywhere on the eastern side of campus that night, you could hear the tortured screams of the magicless student, and if you were unlucky enough, maybe even the booming cackles of one of Satan's rejects.
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