KLAUS HARGREEVES
Platonic & Romantic Headcanons - Yandere
WARNING: substance abuse, bloody violence, references to child abuse and neglect, self-harm and suicidal ideation, sexual references, mentions of religious concepts.
PLATONIC:
Hugs, where he snuggles up with his whole body, are his favourite way to greet the one he has so fondly dubbed his truest friend. Klaus shuts out all other communication and responsibility, preferring to laugh with them and grasp for any reason to keep the conversation going. He makes no apologies for his enthusiasm and, if only privately, ridicules those who frown on his behaviour.
A snack or nightcap that happened to be on hand serves as his excuse, but in reality, Klaus is looking for any opportunity to lean in and show how attentive he can be. Klaus will endure an inordinate amount of hostility before he recognises that it's more than a lapse of affection. Even so, he assumes the fault rests squarely on his shoulders and scrambles to be more forthright in his attempts to praise and help.
Sleep exhausts him more than life unless Klaus downs a shot of liquid courage and passes out on his friend, calling their heartbeat the best sedative. He finds comfort in entangling himself with them: then the slightest movement will alert him to a disturbance or an attempt to leave, and he won't have to wake up alone, wondering if he's hallucinated it all.
When his friend exits the room, Klaus jumps up from whatever compact position he's been sitting in and hurries after them. Even if his question about going out together fetches an unequivocal "no," Klaus reacts with joy, as if he's snagged a resounding "yes," and continues to follow at their heels until they reach their destination.
Whether it's throwing himself into the back seat of their car just before they drive off or physically clinging to them, Klaus insists on not being separated for even a minute. Anything longer than a few seconds of uninterrupted silence discomforts him, so he is eager to fill that time with stories of his bizarre visions.
If Klaus's friend lands in a scuffle, he enables them by shouting words of encouragement for them to hit the other. For Klaus to strike, the friend must either ask him to do so or catch him in a moment of extreme distress. Once the altercation is over and Klaus's friend emerges victorious, he approaches the opponent and taunts them quietly, if possible extinguishing his cigarette on their skin.
Suppose his friend loses or appears to be struggling. In that case, Klaus will call upon his brother Diego to intervene with deadly force. Klaus frames this as a personal favour between brothers, but Klaus has, at best, a tenuous intention of repaying Diego, unless what Diego asks for comes in the form of pills or powder. This becomes clear when Klaus decides not to stay for the end of the fight and leaves with his friend to pour a celebratory drink.
Being a bystander in the fight means staying behind Klaus while he holds out his arm like a seatbelt. Klaus believes he has failed to fulfil his sole purpose in life and is therefore unworthy to live, so at the first sign of danger, he will sacrifice himself for one of the few people who have not yet written him off.
Klaus enjoys swapping gossip and bad memories of questionable validity about how awful the person was. He even steals valuables from the person's house, small enough to fit in his coat pocket, and then splits the reward with his friend, distracting them with compliments and jokes in hopes that they won't confront him about the crime.
If the friend presses him hard, Klaus will hand over the stolen goods but will argue that he is thieving solely in their best interest. If you wait a day or more to ask him about it, Klaus will have the time he needs to pawn off all the stolen goods and double down on the lie that someone else is to blame.
Hearing a good song, Klaus will try to dance with his friend. Humour him or not, Klaus improvises a whole routine and "accidentally" plants his elbow in the ribs of everyone he suspects has the same dance partner in mind. He makes a point of swaying in his friend's line of sight and slides into the way each time they venture out.
Despite this, Klaus is the first to flee and invent insults against the others for smothering him. Should the people claim that Klaus is the real hanger-on, that his friend stays with him out of pity rather than necessity, he lashes out in a burst of verbal and physical rage at whoever said it last.
Acts of impulse serve as a cornerstone of his fragile attachment. In a more domestic setting, Klaus falls into their lap on the pretext that his family is hogging all the chairs. Kisses blown across the room, closer if his friend asks for such things, earn him much derision from his siblings.
No matter how much Ben gags in his ear, Klaus pays no mind to his antics and gradually isolates himself from those who challenge his view of the relationship. He has had enough of being expected to validate his every choice in his family's eyes and declares that he will never again bring his friend round the mansion. When questioned as to his motives, Klaus is unusually honest about his preference for them over his family.
Klaus jokes that, even in death, he will hold them to all the promises they made in life. He warns them not to bunk with other spirits, as he has dedicated a La-Z-Boy and a bottomless supply of pizza to them in his afterlife. One-on-one existence, where his dream could never again be taken from him, is his paradise, and the resurrection, the gasp of loneliness that comes with leaving such a world, takes more from his heart than any bullet.
As someone whom the dead haunt like a shadow, Klaus will continue to talk to his friend long after their death. Everyone else can only watch and guess at his condition as he chats with empty air about what to eat that day. Klaus is well aware that his friend is dead and that no one else can see them now, but it gives him more reason to include them in conversations with others.
This is how he soothes his grief and tells himself that despite the new barrier, he can still socialise with them and, at least for a few blissful minutes, pretend that everything is as it should be. If anyone is angry with him for this, Klaus teases them: in his eyes, they are shamelessly envious that he has such a loyal friend.
ROMANTIC:
Playdates with his abrasive family are a necessary evil, but as soon as his partner leaves, Klaus waves goodbye to his siblings and follows. He packs his nonexistent bags and sets off, unable to trust that his partner won't realise he does more harm than good and abandon him while they're apart.
Klaus fears his attachment—he worries that by revealing its burning intensity and seeking appreciation, he is inviting future rejection. Every time Klaus takes such a risk, he anticipates problems in the relationship that will exceed his abilities and expose his incompetence. Consequently, he may attempt to sever the connection before it has the chance to evolve.
Throughout Klaus's existence, fortune has conspired against him, divine intervention has been a lie, and karma has overdosed him twentyfold before granting him another fleeting sense of hope. Any individual who treats Klaus as anything more than his father's failed experiment and values him for reasons beyond his powers which he so loathes must be clueless.
However, Klaus notes, they must also be a finer person than himself, one to whom he could never measure up, and for whose sake he would mutilate himself at a moment's notice. Anyone who hurts them is beneath contempt, a bastard whom he would gladly let burn in a fire of their own making.
Klaus dreams up an intricate history of conflict and pleasure in case he has to step into the role of a jilted ex and deliver a heart-wrenching story to win that coveted second chance. He dallies in places frequented by his partner to catch them alone, spilling his deepest affections, hoping that one day, even if a thousand lifetimes from this one, they will embrace him once more.
For Klaus, eye contact with his partner means that they find him the opposite of repulsive and are open to seeing more of him, a feat he cannot even allow himself. At the slightest hint of their presence, he casts a wistful stare that, when interrupted, turns listless and dejected. It is this ingrained hesitancy to trust his own judgement that causes him to doubt his right to exist until another sees him and proves that he deserves life.
Klaus chases this meaning as he often has the bottom of a bottle, languishing in every sense of the word until he may experience it again. Perhaps a glaring difference in interests leaves him at a loss as to how to bond, such as if his partner turns out to be a grease monkey. In this scenario, Klaus resorts to conning a mechanic's shop into giving them lessons.
He deliberately injures himself, making sure that some part of his body is streaming blood, and then claims that an employee assaulted him. The act is contrived to arouse sympathy for him and punishment for another, replete with tears, dramatised accounts of every blow dealt, and threats when no one else is listening.
Klaus pretends he is too disoriented from blood loss to walk on his own and insists he must hold on to his partner when he stands. He grossly exaggerates the time and energy needed to recover, suggesting they carry him in their arms and focus all their attention on him until he "feels better."
Claiming that insensitive siblings will only aggravate his fragile state, Klaus plays up the injury and groans his way into his partner's abode. There, in the bedroom or on the couch, he finds his strength, undresses with a quickness he previously thought lost, and makes every effort to seduce.
Each day reminds Klaus how readily most people dismiss him as a useless junkie, so much so that he struggles to see the point of recovery. He considers his perceived attractiveness to be his one redeeming quality or, at the very least, the only quality that elicits positive reinforcement from others. Thus, he often sees his body as all he can offer in terms of incentive to stay with him.
When an attempt fails or, worse, is so unsuccessful that the relationship is jeopardized, Klaus rushes to propose alternative forms of intimacy: sleeping in the same bed from now on or spooning for a couple of days. In the meantime, Klaus worries inwardly that he is no longer desirable and fears for his ability to maintain his partner's interest.
That afternoon, Klaus presents them with a cocktail he swiped from Reginald's stash or a local bar, dressed in clothes he snatched from their bedroom without asking. Klaus is down to share a bottle of hard liquor, but addiction is the price he alone must pay for all his mistakes.
When his partner has similar issues, he takes the bottle and pitches all the street drugs, forcing the substance into his own veins when he needs to remove it completely from their reach. Klaus would rather bear the pain of another overdose than risk that for his partner.
Suppose the two have five dollars between them; the partner wishes to use it for a packet of cigarettes, while Klaus wants to put it towards a rice cake to split. Given the risk of disappointing them or starving, Klaus will suffer an empty stomach until he keels over. Once they look pleased, he can always shoplift the odd armful of crisps from a convenience store.
As the days turn to weeks, Klaus finds that less and less of life brings him the high he feels when he is near his partner. Nothing inspires the same happiness, and everything that used to thrill him has dulled. For Klaus, the whole of his life's worth depends on whether his ardour is reciprocated. If not, if he has devoted so much only to humiliate himself again, then the world of the living is no place for him.
Seeing how his family treats him like a ghost, Klaus trusts no one would mourn him if he vanished and never found his way back. At least, in death, he could enjoy a moment's peace and await the day when the one in whose steady hand he put forth his heart, freshly torn from his chest, would visit him.
Gone is the will to eat save for a cold waffle here and there, drinking himself into a nonstop bender that aims to drive out his heartache but instead only deadens it. Wrapped in a memento he never takes off to keep up the semblance of closeness, Klaus lingers at their final resting place so as not to miss any effort at contact.
It is not at all uncommon to find Klaus hungover, musing that perhaps if he dies in the same place, he can follow them to the other side. The more breath leaves his body, the closer their touch, telling him if he falls a little deeper, he can be with them. Whether it's a pipe dream or a drug-induced flashback, which Klaus is no longer able to tell apart, he resists coming out of it until a defibrillator or stomach pump forces him back to reality.
Each time the Maker rides to him on Her dirt road, there comes the possibility of a reunion. At his lowest, Klaus stops his heart for this exact purpose, or rather, he welcomes a moment in the hereafter with one who eases his burden of life.
Do anything you want with my work, but never make me boring!
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Out of Time
Five Hargreeves x gn!Reader - 8.7k words
Warnings: season 3 episode 4 spoilers, death, swearing, five breaking down
Summary: Five was familiar with the merciless pace time kept, and he could only run that far until his past and future catches up to him, threatening to break him into irreparable pieces.
Here's my Masterlist!
A/n: yeah, this is basically just a rewrite of episode 4 with added commission lore and a ton of angst<3 reader here is a former assassin of the commission who was partnered up with Five for the years he worked there. I also didn’t plan it to be this long my god- but the episode was really fun and I just loved the dynamic of Five meeting himself and how the reader could possibly alter or affect it. Enjoy and please leave comments<3
Cold. That was all you felt as you felt your atoms materialize into reality. It was akin to being dumped with a bucket of ice water, which wasn’t far off from falling face first into a pile of snow. You stumbled into the fresh snow, hitting the ground underneath with your knees as you quickly pulled yourself up to be greeted with a field of snow. You squinted your eyes, trying to shield them from the harsh merciless blizzard. Where the fuck were you?
Through the frigid air blowing through your hair and into your ears, you heard the soft crunch of snow behind you, two sets of feet, two people. You forced yourself to turn around and meet Five and Lila, the former clutching the suitcase disoriented.
Beside you, Five and Lila fell into the snow with as much grace as a newborn giraffe. Five opened his eyes to his surroundings and anger flooded his veins, a stark contrast to the cold snowflakes on his suit. He knew this was a bad idea, first getting electrocuted and losing the first suitcase and now teleporting to the middle of the arctic with the second? Not even to mention that he brought you into this entire mess, guaranteeing your death in this frozen wasteland.
“Oh, brilliant idea, Lila, welcome to the Ice Age!” Five exclaimed sarcastically, his hands motioned to the snow-capped trees in the distance.
Lila ignored Five and wrapped her olive-green jacket around her tighter to preserve warmth. She turned to lean over her shoulder, finding the grand commission building frozen and crumbling. The woman smiled a toothy grin at the sight of it, rejoicing that her plan worked.
Your own eyes trailed to follow her gaze, but instead of finding happiness at the organization that caused all three of you pain, your heart dropped to your feet as you stared at the sight in horror. The perpetually neutral sunshine was replaced with an unforgiving blizzard, tearing the Commission, your former home, apart by its seams.
“Five.” You mumbled in shock, eyes wide and unmoving.
The person in question immediately turned to you, wrapping his free arm around you to shield you from the cold, but you couldn’t bring your arms to return the embrace. Five mumbled your name in concern, he never should have brought you with him.
“Five, the Commission.” You repeated in the crook of his neck, eyes never leaving the building.
He reluctantly loosened his grasp around you to turn around and faced the Commission. “Shit.” He muttered quietly at the sight.
Alarm bells immediately rang in his mind at the state of the once timeless bubble that contained the Commission. He already had an inkling as to what could have caused the unending snow storm but held his tongue, afraid of drawing conclusions prematurely.
Lila skipped towards the building, not waiting for the two of you to end your little to catch up. Her boots crunched with her steps, leaving imprints in the previously perfect blanket of snow. She giggled childishly against the freezing blizzard.
You and Five weren’t far behind, approaching the commission with less enthusiasm and more dread. You tried your hardest to break your trance away from the Commission building, instead focusing on the footprints of Lila’s boots. Five adjusted the suitcase in his hand and kept an arm around you protectively not only from the storm but from the Commission and whatever ghosts were left to haunt you.
The broken halls of the Commission headquarters gave the three of you no shelter from the freezing temperatures. The shattered windows let in the cold draft and the tattered furniture made it look like a long-abandoned building, which might as well have been, time was fickle in the Commission bubble.
“Holy shit.” Lila muttered; eyes wide in amazement. She turned and took in the state of the place, curious of each tattered file and shattered debris in the room.
Your eyes trailed from the familiar spiral staircase to the star in the center of the floor, still in shock of the disarray. It was an empty husk of familiarity, blanketed by an unforgiving blanket of snow. Or perhaps the storm revealed the Commission’s true colors, as it was nothing but a cold and empty office, relentless on ‘protecting the timeline’. All your nostalgia clung on the 1950’s façade that eventually disappeared.
“I was just here. How long was I bloody gone?” Lila asked in disbelief.
Five sat the suitcase down and adjusted his watch. “It seems the grandfather paradox is affecting everything.”
“Even places out of time.” You murmured uneasily.
“The Commission was supposed to be in a perfect bubble outside of the time continuum. It would even survive the supposed 2019 and accidental 1963 apocalypse. But instead, it..” You paused.
“Went to shit.” Lila continued for you.
“Yeah.” Your voice was winded, almost struggling to get out another word.
“It should be impossible.” Lila said.
“We stopped tracking what was possible a long time ago.” Five smiled knowingly at you.
You mustered a small smile back to him. Your feelings lifted up slightly knowing how much you and Five had gone through and survived. Two whole apocalypses were quite an achievement, what’s a third one to add to the list?
Suddenly rubble fell from above, landing right in front as the three of you stepped back in shock. You winced in pain, chalking it up to a small chunk of cracked concrete hitting you. Debris filled the air once more, blending into Lila’s platinum white hair. Five took the suitcase in front, preventing it from being damaged by the broken tiles and cement. You tilted your head up towards the ceiling, noticing a large crack forming in the concrete and brick.
“We have to go before the building collapses any further.” You said with urgency.
“You’re right, let’s go check the Infinite Switchboard.” Five moved towards the central stairs leading to the second floor.
“And I'll check Herb's office. Little cockroach would survive anything.” Lila said, distantly recalling the short man and his stubbornly bright attitude and perseverance.
You wringed your hands together nervously and shuffled towards Lila. “I’ll go with Lila and check on the others.”
“What? No, we should stick together,” Five argued. “Who knows what will happen in this building.”
“I can protect myself, Five. I wasn’t your partner for 5 years just for you to protect me like a porcelain doll.” You retorted. “Besides, Lila will be there.”
“Not for long if you two will keep this up.” Lila said bluntly. “I can’t handle your bickering any longer, I’m going ahead.”
You and Five watched as she disappeared into the Commission hallway, her boots softly echoing against the rubble.
“There’s nothing left here anymore,” Five pleaded your name, “The kugelblitz most likely destroyed everything already.”
Your brows knitted together at his words. A part of you was in denial, like you were expecting to see your friends and co-workers under the rubble, shaken up but safe and alive. But you knew he was right, just the state of the Commission building screamed abandoned for years. Yet the part that screamed that your friends were smart enough to survive the wreckage was stronger.
“I need to go Five, at least I’ll have closure that they’re actually gone.”
Five still looked reluctant to let you out of his sight. He knew that you were capable of defending yourself, he was familiar with your fighting skills after the years of working together under the now broken Commission and the years after, running to solve apocalypse after apocalypse, but no matter how skilled any person was, you couldn’t fight the unpredictable effects of the apocalypse. Five was terrified that even a minute away from you could tear you away from him without hesitation.
He searched in your eyes for any hint of doubt but found nothing except for a stubborn plea. Five sighed in defeat and decided against his better judgement to trust you. It’s what you deserved instead of being towed with him against your will. He knew how much the Commission and the people in it meant to you despite working with him against it to prevent the apocalypse. It’s what you needed.
“Fine.” He softly agreed. “But be quick and come immediately back to me to the Infinite Switchboard.”
You smiled at Five but he watched as it didn’t reach your eyes. You were thankful for Five understanding your mixed emotions for the ruined Commission even though you haven’t fully grasped it yourself.
“I won’t be gone longer than 5 minutes tops.” You said casually, trying to ease his concern.
You headed towards the same doorway Lila walked through. “See you.” You said, looking at Five one last time before finally entering the office corridor.
Five watched you turn and disappear from the first two steps of the staircase. He could already taste the oncoming regret. Every cell in his body screamed to run after her and forget the reason why they were here in the first place, but he fought to keep his feet planted and to trust you. Five raked his free hand through his hair in distress and exhaled.
His mind’s first instinct is to calculate the intervals of the kugelblitz waves through a period of time. It wasn’t sporadic, it had a rhythm of every few hours with the latest being at a 10-hour interval. You had to have ample enough time to come back to him and return together back to the hotel. Five ignored the nagging voice in his head that it could be a fluke and the waves in this location would arrive faster than usual. He ignored the urge to sprint away from the staircase.
He put his faith into the universe, and subsequently the paradox, and ascended up the staircase.
You stumbled through the collapsed table in the hallway and followed the noise of Lila’s footsteps. Almost tripping on a piece of debris, you called out to her.
“Lila, wait!”
Lila, a bit farther ahead, turned around and saw you make your way through the corridor. “Oh great,” She said with not as much sarcasm as you expected, “Thought that little shit would cling on to you forever.”
You furrowed your brows at her insult at Five. “He trusts me enough to let go for a few minutes at least.”
The two of you continued walking once you finally reached where Lila was. “Although he usually isn’t this clingy, or at least doesn’t like to admit it in front of others.” You trailed off, questioning his odd behavior recently.
“How do you even deal with that grumpy menace?” Lila asked you.
You shrugged in reply. “After a few years you learn to tolerate him.”
Tolerate was an understatement for what you felt for Five. Although you never said it outright, you knew that you had created a deep bond with him and you trusted him with all your being, just as much as he trusted you. You learned his quirks and flaws and your admiration and affection grew further despite the tumultuous journey to save the world over and over, and over again.
Lila grimaced at your smile and love-stricken expression, visibly shivering in disgust at the idea of love, especially with a nutcase like Five. But inside, a small part of her being ached at the notion of loving someone. She wondered if Diego smiled like that thinking about her, despite all the times she lied and ran away out of fear. Lila wondered if love is what made her return so quickly to Diego with a child, despite having all of time at the flick of a suitcase.
After rifling through Herb’s office which was the Handler’s previous, you and Lila concluded that there was nothing except for scattered paper and even more debris. There wasn’t even anything missing or out of place, it was unlikely that Herb ran away without taking at least something from his office.
“You found anything?” Lila asked you while crouching over a fallen bookshelf, keeping an eye out for any suspicious hints to the disappearance of the entire Commission staff or possibly a short man hidden under the bookshelf.
“Nope.” You plainly stated while rifling through the drawers of his desk.
You pulled the lowest drawer open, revealing a stack of papers protected against the harsh blizzard in the Commission and a small black velvet box nestled in the left corner. You pried it open and revealed a delicate diamond ring glimmering in the dim light from outside.
“Fuck.” You muttered.
You knew what this was. It wasn’t a secret that Dot and Herb harbored feelings for each other, even in the earliest phase of them pining for the other made its rounds in the cafeteria gossip. You assumed after the revolution and the restructuring of the Commission board that they had gotten together.
You still remembered the aftermath of the fight in Sissy’s farm in ’63 when Dot and Herb arrived hand in hand to announce to you and Five that they would be taking over the Commission. You recalled the beaming smile the both of them gave you and how proud you felt for them. It was an amusing parallel, two pairs formed by the Commission one way or another. Your heart dropped to your stomach as you clutched the box in your hand. He must have wanted to take it the next step before the kugelblitz arrived.
Lila’s head perked up from the pile of fallen books. “What did you find?”
You wordlessly showed her the diamond ring and Lila’s face fell, presumably thinking the same thing as you.
“Oh.” She said as she stood up an approached you. Lila’s expression was uncharacteristically hesitant and solemn.
“Who’d you think it’s for?” She asked.
You looked at her in confusion. “You haven’t heard of Dot and Herb?”
Lila shook her head, her short platinum hair swishing. “Nope, never been the one for office gossip.”
You nodded, suddenly remembering how the Handler forced her to hide inconspicuously among the other Commission employees as her spy. “Right.”
“Well, let’s head up and ask Five if he found anything, it doesn’t seem like anyone’s here.” Lila made her way back out of the office.
You hesitated; you didn’t know why. “Uh, I just have one thing to check on. You know, might find my old gun here or something.”
Lila raised an eyebrow at you. “You’re gonna shoot someone?”
“It’s better to be safe than sorry.” You shrugged. “I swear I won’t take long; I’ll be right behind you.”
Lila reluctantly walked through the busted office door, still not fully convinced by your words. “You sure Five won’t chop my head off for leaving you out of sight?”
“He won’t chop your head off,” You scoffed, “He has nothing to chop it with. The worst he could do is break your neck.”
“Y’know he almost did crush my windpipe once.” Lila pointed at you, recalling their fight in a warehouse in 1963.
You laughed, shaking your head in amusement. “Sounds like him. Tell me all about your fight once we’re out of this shithole.”
“You could say that again.” Lila muttered, looking at the decrepit state of the place.
Lila made her way through the corridor, hopping over the broken table once more. In the distance she shouted, “Miss ya!”
You rolled your eyes at her antics but decided to play into it. “Miss you too! Even though I’ll literally be there in a few minutes.”
You could hear Lila’s laugh echo in the distance, somehow making the Commission brighter through it, almost like an image of what it used to be.
You shook your head at the thought, nostalgia would just get you distracted. You sighed and closed the ring box, pocketing it in your pants. You didn’t know why you took it, but it felt wrong to leave it to crumble along with the rest of the office. You wanted to find out more about the office, maybe discover a remnant of Dot and bring it together with the ring as a sort of memorial of them. It was the least you could do for your friends.
Upstairs, Five fumbled with the knobs of the Infinite Switchboard, trying to make the grey screen function. He tapped the glass screen before flipping a few switches. “That’s good.” Five muttered to himself.
Suddenly, the grey screen warbled to a visible video of Herb talking to the camera, clearly in distress. Five’s eyes widened at the sight of the man clearly in a panic, mouth slightly agape.
“There's been a rip in the space-time continuum. It's swallowing everything.” Herb quaked. “Oh, my sweet Dot, Iris, Josh from accounting, they're all gone!”
Five turned a knob, speeding the video recording forward. He skipped parts to frantically find out more about the paradox. Herb’s voice distorted in a sped-up pace before stopping again.
“I've tried everything! I don't know what else to do. The timeline is collapsing.” Herb frantically stated.
In the distance, screams from other Commission employees were heard and the screens of the past Infinite Switchboard in the background sparked and flickered.
“This is… the end.” Herb quietly said, accepting his fate, before being taken by the kugelblitz.
Five watched in horror as the cells of Herb were seemingly stripped away by the kugelblitz wave, leaving nothing of the man behind. As the recording flickered, showing only the Infinite Switchboard of the past ablaze, Five’s eyes flicked downwards solemnly to the controls that Herb used to leave one last message, jaw clenched briefly.
“I could kill for some scrambled eggs right now.” Lila thought verbally while entering the room, unknowingly cutting through Five’s mourning.
“This is bigger than the timeline, Lila.” Five shoved his hands in his pockets as he stared at the screen.
Lila looked at the grey screen alongside him, curious to what he witnessed that made him so on edge, but instead static greeted her eyes.
“What’s bigger than the timeline?” She asked, looking back at him.
“The entire universe. The grandfather paradox is collapsing in on the entire universe.” Five stated plainly.
“The missing dogs, missing people…” He trailed off. Five’s eyes flickered to the empty space beside Lila, where you were supposed to be.
“Where are they?” Five asked abruptly, glaring at Lila who looked back at him confused.
“They said they just had something to get downstairs.” Lila shrugged nonchalantly which fueled Five’s anger even more.
“You left them alone?!” Five shouted, fully panicked and furious at this point.
“Why are you so pressed about leaving them alone for a second?!” Lila shouted back in defense. “It’s like you’ll explode if you’re not in a six-centimeter radius near them!”
Five ran a hand through his face in frustration. “Lila you don’t fucking get it.” He emphasized sharply.
“Get what?! They’re their own fucking person. You don’t get to order them around!”
“Lila, use your brain for one fucking moment and think! Everyone has been disappearing because of the kugelblitz. Every living animal and human in the whole goddamn universe except for us and them.”
“Yeah and? Get to the point!” Lila frustratedly shouted.
“The only difference we have from others is that we have powers, and something that makes those powers tick. We are one of the last people to survive the kugelblitz waves because we have something in us that gives a temporary immunity to the kugelblitz but they don’t! They’re a regular human and I’ve been biding my time trying to figure out how to save them from it!”
Lila scoffed in disbelief at his rant, she knew he had more than a few screws loose but didn’t expect it to be this severe, he might even be crazier than herself. “You’re insane.” She laughed.
“I’m not!” Five scrambled to get the suitcase. “And if I was then- then it would be fine and they’d be here,” He stumbled over words in a panic, “If I wasn’t then I’d lose them.”
Five’s face paled at his own words as Lila watched his ramblings hesitantly. His chest tightened at the thought of losing you, a familiar feeling he hasn’t felt since the first apocalypse, when he watched the Meritech laboratory blow up. He fought the urge to gasp for air in his lungs. He couldn’t drown in his thoughts right now, so he clung to the chance of catching you fast enough before the kugelblitz could.
“I have to go.” Five ran out of the room, leaving the suitcase and Lila standing in the middle of the Infinite Switchboard.
Lila huffed and looked around in disbelief. She couldn’t understand why he was that frantic to always keep you in eyesight at all times. Sure, there were a few missing animals here and there but no one had gone missing yet under her radar except for the entire Commission, which was a whole different can of worms. Okay, maybe he was slightly correct, but it was still weird.
Lila shook her head and searched for clues on the grandfather paradox. A thick light blue and gold embossed book caught her brown eyes. The master handbook. She opened the heavy book and quickly flipped through the pages, searching for any protocol for the grandfather paradox.
‘In the unlikely case of the grandfather paradox, the founder and any essential personnel should be immediately remanded to the operations bunker.’
Bingo. The bunker was the best chance she had to finding more answers to the never-ending questions. But the founder? Lila furrowed her brows at the mysterious founder, whoever they were. In the years she grew up and worked in the Commission, never once had she heard of a founder of any kind.
Her confusion was interrupted as the room and the Commission building shook. Debris from the ceiling fell onto Lila as the last screen of the Infinite Switchboard flickered into static and finally shut down. Lila ducked at the rumble, using the heavy handbook to protect her from the chips of concrete falling. She didn’t have much time left.
Lila slammed the book shut and decided to run after Five to tell him about the secret bunker and the biggest clue they had yet. If the founder was that well-hidden to nearly everyone in the Commission, then there was a high likelihood that they had secrets and answers valuable enough to be protected in a secret bunker, hopefully the answers to solving the paradox.
You carefully treaded the uneven terrain, stepping over scattered files and broken chairs until you reached the case management office. Although you worked as a field agent for the Commission, you were familiar with the case management department and the people inside of it. You worked closely with them, executing their decisions in unison to protect what was once your one and only goal, to protect the timeline.
After the revelation that the Commission wanted the 2019 apocalypse to happen, subsequently ordering the deaths of everyone on Earth, your friendship with the case management people and your friend Dot specifically took a turn for the worse. You couldn’t believe that they could sit back and watch the world explode with not even an ounce of guilt in the conscience. It was as if they were oblivious to the apocalypse which they obviously weren’t, seeing as how Dot directly managed apocalypse affairs.
You hated how you worked for the Commission for countless of years as a mindless soldier, unaware of the end goal until Five’s arrival turned your entire worldview upside down. You simply wanted to bond with a colleague but the downtime in between missions led to stories of his experience in the apocalypse. You remember the haunted look in his eyes when he recalled the burnt orange sky and the perpetual dust that clung in the air. You heard about how as a child he discovered the endless corpses of his family members, friends, and even strangers that went on with their lives, unaware that it would all end in a single day with the Commission watching behind the curtains.
You wanted to change the Commission, to work against the monotonous flow of the rigid protocols and maybe build a future that went beyond 2019, a continuous timeline that wasn’t constricted by the Commission’s rigid rules and protocols, where Five’s family could live on and grow old. You naively dreamed of growing old years past 2019, with no apocalypses to fear, only warm coffee and your partner beside you.
That was your motivation when you joined Diego and Lila back to the Commission, and soon enough a coup d'état was staged. All it took was Diego’s stubbornness and your knowledge on the other employees to strike a match in the gasoline. The people were sick of the budget cuts from the previous board, and the Handler’s iron-first grip after the board was mysteriously assassinated broke their patience. You thought the war in Sissy’s farm could be the turning point of the Commission to become better, you were even open to talk to Herb for plans in preventing the 2019 apocalypse, but what had been probably months of recovery and preparation here in the Commission, had only been a few days for you before another apocalypse nipped at your heels. The Hargreeves family was far too intertwined with the timeline to the point of bringing chaos wherever they went. They were the apocalypse every time.
Yet why were you here? You asked yourself as you sat on a desk that didn’t collapse under the rubble, the black velvet box sitting next to you as accompaniment. You felt like you betrayed the Commission despite the atrocities they made you do. You abandoned them in the hopes of solving the end of the world, unknowingly becoming friends with the apocalypse themselves.
You knew you couldn’t bring yourself to blame the Hargreeves family for the catastrophes, just as much as you couldn’t bring yourself to hate the Commission for letting it happen, it was a tragic cycle you were stuck on, like a never-ending carousel. It costed you your home, your friends, and your identity to forge a new one with a new set of family and a new home. All you could do now is to try your best to survive another.
Something silver caught your eye while you fiddled with your hands in thought. It was faint and covered in dust but as you brushed it away you realized it was the broken frame of Dot’s glasses. It always suited her along with her pearl earrings and uniform. You imagined her wearing it with the silver ring, grinning happily with Herb as they announce their engagement to the office.
The image of Herb and Dot being so happy broke the dam you’ve been trying the hardest to keep sealed. The past week of trying to stop the first apocalypse and the two months trying to survive with Diego in Dallas felt suffocating in the destroyed office. What felt like years of grief and sadness and anger at it all burst all at once at the sight of your best friend’s crooked glasses. You couldn’t stop the tears as you finally crumbled in exhaustion and grief, crying for what could have been and what wasn’t supposed to happen.
Rubble fell as the building shook again, seemingly even stronger than before. Dust covered your hunched back as you keeled in agony over the friends you lost. You couldn’t bring yourself to care over the way the ceiling cracked over you, too rooted in grief to move. Not once in the months you have been running from the apocalypse have you had the chance to feel what was actually happening to you and now that it all came out you didn’t know how to stop it.
Five vaulted over the rubble the best he could, teleporting short distances to run to wherever you were. The ground shook below him but he couldn’t let himself become unsteady for even a moment, too preoccupied to find you. In the disarray, a curled-up figure caught his eyes before he could run past the office room. It was you in the wreck that was the case management office.
Five shouted your name, panic and concern filling his voice. He watched you glance up at him, eyes wet with tears that tore his heart out painfully. He was in agony watching you drown in emotions you should have felt a long time ago.
Five croaked out your name once more, his resolve crumbling like the walls of the building. “We have to go!”
Five witnessed your being melt into nothingness, eyes unblinking. He helplessly watched you fade as the paradox mercilessly tore away at your core until nothing was left. His mind yelled at him to move even an inch, to run and pull you away from the invisible force that swallowed every other living being whole. His cells screamed at him to turn back time and cheat death, defy life for you. They didn’t care if it would’ve burned his powers up, it would’ve been a measly sacrifice for you.
Yet it didn’t matter as you were already gone. He had space and time at the tips of his fingers and let it slip. In a blink of his glassy green eyes, there was nothing left except a black velvet box and the empty space where you once were. The paradox was even cruel enough to leave your warmth linger to mock Five.
As the shaking of the building came to a halt, dust settled around Five’s form. He couldn’t bring himself to move, the same grief that held you in place slowly crept to his ankles, holding him like ivy.
“Five!” Lila’s voice echoed in the distance. She saw a silhouette standing at the doorway to the torn case management office and ran to the familiar figure. “Five I found where to get answers!”
As Lila approached him, she noticed the haunted look in his eyes as he stared at the empty room. “Five, where are they?”
She glanced around nervously again, hoping to see you rummaging in the corner while Five waits. “They’re gone.” He states hollowly.
Lila almost smiles in disbelief, an ill-fitting habit she formed when faced with seriousness. “What do you mean..? She went to another room?”
The trance that Five was in finally cracked as he turned to her, expression blank but eyes nearly spilling over. “I meant that I was right and the kugelblitz took them and,” He choked up for a moment, “They’re gone.” His voice weakened at the words.
He turned lean on the wall of the room, tempted to spiral then and there into the hurricane of grief and misery that had been chasing him for a long time. “They’re gone and I couldn’t do anything about it.”
He cursed as he roughly wiped a tear with his sleeve. He cursed as he allowed himself to crack in front of Lila. He cursed as he felt himself crumble in hopelessness and despair like all those years ago in a wasted apocalypse.
Lila’s eyes widened as she saw him exhibit more emotion than he had in the short but hectic times she spent with him. She internally panicked, knowing that emotional comfort and empathy weren’t either of their strong suits.
“Five, are you—” She asks before stopping herself to continue any further. It was a dumb question to ask if he was alright when he most certainly wasn’t.
Walls were built up again behind his green eyes, made of fragile stone that he mustered to carry. He couldn’t afford to waste time to cry and give up with the limited amount they had, as much as he wanted to.
“Did you find anything?” He asked, voice void of emotion, brushing off the moment ago like a speck of dust on his shoulder.
Five approached the desk, his hand hesitating for a moment over the small box, before wordlessly placing it in his jacket. He didn’t know why exactly he pocketed the unfamiliar box, but he needed something to ground himself to the fact that you were gone, that if he turned around to ask you a question you wouldn’t be there. He couldn’t handle his mind to shatter his expectations again and again, so he did what he knew to do and anchored himself to the only thing you left behind.
Lila opened her mouth, wanting to ask about the incident earlier, but eventually decided against it. She didn’t know how or where to start, so she decided to shove it away for later, just as Five did. “We need to find the operations bunker containing the founder of the Commission. They’re the one to most likely have the answers we need.”
Lila and Five ascended up the staircase, the latter flipping through the master handbook. Five skimmed through the words but the more he read about pointless protocols, the more he hated the entire Commission.
“Don’t bother, it’s all just bureaucratic bullshit.” Lila drawled, hands brushing the blue staircase.
“You know, Lila, I shouldn't even be here. I was… We were out.” Five solemnly said, slamming the book shut.
“And yet here I am, alone.”
“Hey!” Lila shouted indignantly at the word, slightly offended that he wouldn’t count her.
Five laughed bitterly. “The Commission always wanted the upper hand, targeting my every weakness, even in its very last hours.”
The woman raised a brow at his wording. “You consider them a weakness?”
“Love is a weakness, Lila. It makes empires and the strongest men fall. That’s why people like us fear from it, run away from it.”
Five didn’t know why he suddenly felt the urge to admit the truth, maybe it was his weariness from keeping any and every emotion locked in a chest in the deepest parts of his being, maybe it was the limited time of the apocalypse. Whatever it was, he simply accepted it, too tired to fight it.
Five scratched his neck awkwardly, suddenly feeling an itchiness throughout his body. “Why can't I just escape this hellhole?” He complained, grimacing at the wrecked observatory.
Lila looked at him with a seriousness that unnerved him, as if she was staring at his soul with ease. “Because you love it. You love them.”
“Face it, Five, all that the time you’ve been running from apocalypses, you’ve also been running from them, until it was too late—”
Five interrupted Lila, “Like how you’ve been running away from Diego?” He bit back.
Lila glared at Five, irritated that he would bring up her and Diego’s complicated relationship, if it could be even called that.
“All I wanted was to retire with them. After I fixed this mess, I could finally sit down and rest, but now that they’re gone, I don’t know what I want anymore.”
Lila sighed, leaning against a railing of the observatory. “I guess it isn’t in the cards for people like us to, y’know, stop running.”
“It could be.” Five placed his hands in his pockets, leaning back on his heals.
“What do you mean?” Lila raised a brow at Five.
“Don’t run away from him, Lila.”
As much as Five showed how much he was irritated by his siblings, he knew that his only driving force in stopping the apocalypse in the first place was you and now just his family. Five constantly gave snide remarks and sarcastic comments but with another apocalypse nipping at his weary feet, he gave into the urge of helping his family be happy despite the limited time of the apocalypse. At least they could still have time together, no matter how short.
The woman scoffed at Five’s words, taken aback by how uncharacteristically sincere the old man was. “Don’t tell me what to do grandpa. I’m not cut out for retirement like you, I’ll never be.”
Five simply gave an unimpressed look at Lila’s weak rebuttal. “Listen kid, whatever denial shit you’re trying to do won’t work. We only have a few days before we all die from this fucking paradox.” Five tiredly said.
The man sighed and pinched his nose bridge before heading to the door. “Note to never fucking try to be nice and help others again.”
Lila followed him, holding the door open before Five slammed it in front of her. “That was you trying to be nice?” She asked incredulously.
The two walked through a darker corridor, the light of the open observatory slowly fading behind them.
“You could really work on, like, the way you speak.” Lila stated bluntly.
“I mean, maybe it's a tone thing? Maybe try to change your tone? Because that was a really pathetic attempt to being nice.” Lila emphasized the last word.
Five looked unimpressed at her ramblings and attempts to discard the topic of her running away from Diego.
“I'm just saying it's something you can work on, you know? Take some classes, counselling, for the future in your retirement.” Lila shrugged.
“I’m glad you’re still concerned about my future retirement.” Five smiled bittersweetly.
Lila grimaced at Five’s saccharine smile. “Yup, you also gotta work on your smile.”
“That was out of sarcasm you idiot.” Five scowled at Lila before his eyes flitted to the front, catching the faint label of the operations bunker in dim lights.
Lila caught his line of vision and spotted the door placed ominously at the very end of the hallway, as if knowing it was the end goal of the two. She raised her brows in surprise, slightly unnerved at what could meet them behind the door.
“Well, here we are.” Lila muttered, before looking beside her and noticing Five already approaching it. She lightly jogged the distance between them as Five opened up the door to reveal a narrower hallway with brick walls.
“Exsqueeze me.” Lila pushed through Five, eager to view the operations bunker first.
“You're excused.” Five let go of the metal door, moving to the side in irritation of the god-awful itch he was suddenly having.
Lila approached the almost vault-like entrance, mumbling the name under her breath. She spotted the circular glass screen in front of the entrance. It seemed to be an eye-scanner. Harmlessly, she leaned into the screen, letting the device scan her eyes before huffing as the alarm buzzed in decline, ‘unauthorized access’.
“We’re screwed.”
Lila turned to look at Five frantically itching himself. His once pristine hair was in disarray, sticking onto his forehead with sweat. “Jesus. You're sweating like a dodgy shrimp on ice. What's wrong?”
Five didn’t respond, cogs whirring in his mind as he recognized the familiar symptoms that he had experienced before. It was paradox psychosis. He, or a version of himself, was in the same vicinity, possibly even through that very vault.
He approached the screen cautiously, letting the scanner whirr before granting access to Lila and Five to the bunker.
“I guess you're essential personnel.” Lila commented, dejected at the fact that never once did the Handler tell her about the bunker, nor did she make her own daughter essential personnel.
As the heavy metal door slid open, a medical contraption laid in the center of a room covered in padded white walls and illuminated in a futuristic way. To the near left corner were two round chairs and a coffee table holding various glasses of liquor and a small worn-out box in the center, the edges frayed by age. Five reached into his pocket and touched the box he currently had, staring at the one on the table in suspicion. He laid the thick handbook on the glass coffee table next to the box, taking one more look at it before approaching the metal contraption in the middle and the man it contained.
“Wow.” Lila chuckled at the sight of the founder all old and frail. She didn’t know what to expect of someone who created an organization like the Commission, but her expectations were definitely defied as she stared him down.
The soft noise of the machine and the founder’s breathing echoed through the room. “That's him, huh? The founder.” Five stated, acknowledging the man that created the organization that made his life a living hell.
“Looks like tinned beef. I was expecting more man and less,” Lila patted the edge of the contraption, “can.”
As Five approached closer, the more clues clicked into place in his mind. The uncontrollable itching and sweating in front of the vault, the paranoia he felt ever since he stepped foot in the ruined Commission, the familiar box on top of the coffee table. The founder’s green eyes and those familiar features warped in age was only the final nail in the coffin.
“It can't be.” Five breathed out in disbelief.
“What's wrong?” Lila asked.
“It’s me.”
Lila burst out in laughter, keeling over the machine as she giggled at the hilarity of it all. She had the privilege of witnessing first hand a tragic comedy. “No way!”
“This whole time you've been complaining about the Commission, and you're the one who founded it. Classic!” Lila exclaimed through her laughing fit.
“If I did, I have no memory of it.” Five stressed, glaring at his future self.
“What are the odds.” Lila said amused, “This whole time you’ve been complaining and fighting against the company that you founded.”
Lila crossed her hands in contemplation. “It’s also kinda sad really, seeing as the company you created technically killed them.”
The founder perked up at the mention of you, his eyes moving to Five and Lila instead of the blindingly white ceiling. “The kugelblitz took them.” He faintly murmured.
“What?” Five leaned closer to his head, listening to whatever the properly old man wanted to say.
“There was nothing I could do. I’ve made peace with that.”
Five gritted his teeth at the founder’s words. Rage filled him at the idea of even moving on from you. How dare he even think that it was all that he could do. How dare he settle for it and continue living without guilt.
“You know nothing!” Five seethed at his future self.
“I do, I’m your future.” The founder responded back.
Five felt nothing but burning rage at his future self, no itchiness, no paranoia, no increased sweating. All he felt was rage and confusion and disappointment at himself and his future.
“How is this even possible?” Five asked him.
“The operations bunker is paradox-proof,” The founder wheezed. “I constructed it as a panic room in case of a collapse in the time continuum. In this room, all permutations of yourself can exist.”
Five looked around the bunker, taking note of the white panels and the smoke coming out of ventilation above.
“You must be here because of a kugelblitz.” The founder continued.
Lila looked the founder in a questioning manner. “Lightning ball in German?”
Five answered for himself, “It's an extra kinky kind of black hole. The kind that can suck up entire timelines.”
“Bingo.” The founder replied.
Lila grimaced at the founder replying back to Five in a weird doppelgänger brain wave unison that she wasn’t privy to. “So, how do we fix it?” She asked the both of them with arms crossed.
The founder let out a raspy chuckle before dissolving into a coughing fit. “You don’t.” He wheezed.
“You created all of this, this company, this bunker. You’re clearly some sort of future version of myself so you must know the answer.” Five stressed, glaring in anger at the founder.
He coughed in reply, struggling to breathe even through the whirring apparatus. The founder struggled through his coughs to speak. “All that will be left is oblivion.”
“Oblivion?” Lila asks the founder, leaning on the edge of the machine once he didn’t respond.
Her hands suddenly pushed the locks open, causing the bed that the founder laid on to slide out. The old man struggled to breathe even more after being exposed to the air outside of the machine. Five and Lila noticed the missing limb of the founder and the strange tattoo he had on his chest.
“This is what you have coming.”
“Listen to me, you ass,” Five seethed, leaning over his future-self’s head, “I just spent the last 20 days running around, saving the world from apocalypses, only keep trying to save the world.”
“Now I’ve lost the most important person in my life in an attempt to solve another apocalypse and you tell me this?!” Five’s voice escalated to a shout.
“You’re tell me I couldn’t have done anything for them?! We have powers, I can bend time at will! Yet you attempted nothing.”
The lines between Five and his future-self blurred as he could feel his anger slip away from his grasp. He couldn’t tell anymore where he ended and where the founder began. Maybe they were both the same person, simply himself screaming in an echo-chamber of blame, self-loathing, and grief.
“Take it easy on him, Five.” Lila placed a cautious hand on him, afraid he might cause himself—the founder, a heart attack.
Five shrugged Lila’s hand off. “Lila, this is between me and myself,” He angrily pointed at the founder, “so stay out of it.”
“This kugelblitz isn’t just something our family can escape out of in the nick of time, It is a giant trash compactor which is grinding up the universe, every single timeline, until nothing is left.”
“So, tell me how to stop it!” Five shouted at himself, knuckles turning white as he gripped the railings of the bed in fury.
The faint whirring of the machine picked up as the founder gasped for breath, “Whatever you do,” He choked, “Don’t save the world.”
The heart monitor beat faster and faster until it finally gave out, echoing a resounding ‘beep’ throughout the bunker. The founder’s eyes fluttered shut as he finally left existence. Somewhere in the fall from life to death, he is greeted by an open sea, warm sand, and you, a version of you. As he lifted his arms to embrace death, he had no regrets, he could finally just be.
In the reality that slowly crumbled from the pressure of the paradox, Five watched in horror, panic, and a sliver of envy as he died. He left himself with more questions and more problems than he could possibly carry, already buckling under the weight of losing you and potentially losing his entire family.
“Five!” He exclaimed, hoping that the sheer urgency and fury in his voice would wake him back up. His voice betrayed him by cracking in grief as he witnessed another death today.
Lila put a finger to the neck of the man, searching around for a pulse that already faded. “He’s dead Five.” She stated.
Five closed his eyes and took a deep breath, tightening the metaphorical reins around his emotions further. He just needed to control it for a second more, just a second.
“Can I have the room?” Five quietly asked Lila.
She shook her head reluctantly in reply, “I don't think I should leave you two alone.” Lila knew that whatever emotional state Five was in was at a tipping point. Although he was rational and cold, almost to the point of psychopathy, every man had a limit, and she did not want to test out Five’s.
“Lila, I need the room.” Five begged, head hung low in defeat.
Lila looked at him one more time before stepping out of the bunker. Five was stubborn in his beliefs and action. Maybe she could afford to trust him a little bit and give him some space. If worst came to worst, the suitcase was still outside waiting for her.
Five sighed as he stared at the founder, his peaceful expression staring back at him like a warped mirror. Was this really his future? Was this his last apocalypse? Did he even want to end up here, dependent on machinery and this hollow empty bunker? Maybe he went mad somewhere in the future, maybe he ready went mad with the unlucky hand of cards god gave him.
Five felt ready to collapse in a heap, crumbling to the point of dust and ash just like humanity in the first apocalypse he saw, but his feet betrayed there as he still stood. He was cursed with near-immortality, fated to witness everyone he loves die in his hands before he dies with no one but himself and Lila in an empty bunker.
A part of Five wanted to fight back with the eagerness of 13-year-old him sprinting to the future. He wanted to recklessly defy any orders elderly gave him and reach for the endless skies, uncaring to whatever repercussions it might bring. He wanted to try and run through time and space, blissfully unaware that he’d never come back unscathed for dinner. He wanted to save the world again for his family, for you.
Another part of Five was so, so tired. With the weariness of a 58-year-old man he wanted nothing but to lie down and rest. He felt like Atlas, forced to carry the weight of the world on his weary shoulders. As blisters formed on his feet and dents formed on his shoulders, he wanted nothing more than to stop running, stop moving, and finally collapse. He couldn’t care less if his end was graceful or not, all he wanted was silence from the world and from himself. He wanted to be selfish for once and finally rest.
Two parts of himself fought in Five’s inner turmoil, almost tearing him apart. He could feel himself slipping away and falling back to his own personal hell, an exact recreation of the apocalypse 45 years ago made by his own mind. The ash almost felt suffocating as his naïve lungs inhaled the smoke in a panic. The concrete felt harsh on his uncalloused hands as he dug through the ruins of his home.
Five didn’t realize he was moving until his back hit the wall. The soft impact on his back grounded a segment of him but it wasn’t enough, his hands still clambered through his jacket. He gasped and focused on the square tile of the wall in front of him, quickly discarding his jacket and loosening his tie to breathe. He focused on the dents of the panel that were painted in white, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth.
He discarded all of his thoughts, clinging onto the white paneled wall, until the box that was in his jacket hit the floor in a clatter. He forced himself to look away from the wall and look at the box on the floor. It wasn’t covered in soot and rubble, it was fine. He was fine.
He kneeled over and picked up the box, gently tracing the soft velvet edges of the last thing you left him with. He rolled it with his hands, inspecting the front and back of it. Five had never seen it with you before and deducted that it must have been something you found in the ruins of the commission. Five gently pried it open, revealing the glimmering silver ring nestled inside, protected from the harm of the universe collapsing in on itself.
The shining reflection of the diamond ring lit something inside of him, perhaps an ember of perseverance, and as much as a part of him wanted to give up, he raised his tired arms to protect the ember to let it become a flame, it didn’t matter if it would burn through him.
He flipped the box shut before approaching the founder with a new-found determination.
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meeting santa Claus. With Klaus from Academy Umbrella
meeting santa klaus (klaus hargreeves x reader) {ficmas 2023}
꒰ ࿁ ˙ ˖ ໑ happy day 9 of ficmas!
a/n: i forgot how much i missed writing for my baby boy. my favorite klaus (sorry mikaelson).
↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2023
Much like everyone else in the world, you lived under the assumption that Santa Claus was a larger man with a long beard, rosy cheeks, and a jolly troupe of reindeer. While the reindeer part is correct, the rest of it is horribly wrong and something that will haunt you for years to come.
You discovered the truth of the universe when a long banging, followed by much swearing, could be heard in your living room. It was Christmas Eve, but you had been alone since your roommates had gone home for the holidays. You were spending the day alone, not wanting to deal with family politics this year. This is why hearing any sounds was very alarming at this moment. Afraid of a burglar in your house, you held your phone in one hand with the finger over the 911 button and a plunger in the other. You had no great weapons and felt that at least you could whack someone with the toilet plunger. You tip-toed down your stairs, your heart beating erratically as you looked down over your banister into your living room. Someone dressed in a loose-fitting red suit was cursing in your living room as they struggled to get some stuff out of a sack. You snuck into the living room, plunger above your head, and were entirely ready to attack when the burglar looked up with wide eyes at your weapon. You both started screaming.
“What are you doing in my house?” you yelped, jumping back as the intruder sat up.
“Is that a plunger?” he asked, voice confused. On closer inspection, he was a skinny man with thin facial hair and kind blue eyes. He looked a bit eclectic, and he was dressed like Santa.
“My house, why are you here?”
“Funny story, actually,” he drawled hands on his hips. He was wearing Chuck Taylors. You had never seen someone dressed as Santa wearing Converse. “I am…Santa.”
“Bullshit.”
“No, seriously, I’m Santa! Santa ‘Klaus’ to be exact,” he raised his hands in front of him as if in surrender. You pocked your phone but kept your plunger weapon up.
“And I’m Krampus,” you deadpanned, not believing him.
“Technically, my name is just Klaus, and my brother is Santa,” he laughed, eyeing your plunger with a small degree of fear. “In my family, one of us inherits the role of being Santa every generation. However, he decided he wanted a break this year, and I had to deal with it. I’m not first born or a favorite of daddy dearest, so it shouldn’t be my post at all.”
You listened to his story with wide eyes and a level of confusion.
“Anyway, here I am, being Santa Klaus for everyone this Christmas, and I have to say, I have no idea how my brother, Luther, does it. He’s a huge guy, and I fell down that chimney. Also, I’m exhausted and could use a drink. Got any tequila?”
“I’m sorry?” You were wondering if you were still dreaming.
“Tequila? I swore off the drugs a while ago, but I still consider drinking okay.”
“Prove it,” you huffed. “Prove you’re Santa.”
“Oh heavens,” Klaus threw a hand over his face. He looked around, exasperated, before flicking his hand. Suddenly, all the decorations in your room were floating, and the lights flickered in a rhythmic pattern. You fell back into one of the armchairs in the living room, mouth open like a fish as Klaus set everything back to normal. Oh, you had to be still dreaming. This couldn’t be happening. You had a clinically insane Santa Claus, sorry ‘Klaus,’ in your living room, and you were armed with only a plunger. A candy cane was waved in front of your face. You looked up to see Klaus before you, apologetic as he handed you the candy. You noticed tattoos running up his hands and arms—a tattooed Santa Klaus. “I didn’t mean to scare you, Y/N. I hate scaring people.”
“How do you know my name?” you whispered.
“I’m Santa; I know everything,” he winked. You unfurled your candy cane and stuck it in your mouth, brain trying to catch up with everything happening.
“Okay, you’re Santa. Santa is real. Santa is not one guy but a bunch of guys. Santa likes tequila.”
“Luther hates tequila. I just like to rebel across the system,” Klaus smiles. It takes you a moment to notice that his Santa costume is red leather lace-up pants, a red robe, and a classic red hat that barely fits on his dark hair.
“Punk rock, Santa,” you mutter, taking a bite from your candy. “How is, uh, being Santa?”
“Oh, it’s going terribly,” Klaus sighed, collapsing to the floor before you. His hand was thrown over his eyes like an old Greek statue. You said nothing about his state of dramatics. “I’m so behind. I don’t understand how this has ever been done in one night.”
“Do you use magic?”
“Of course,” he rolled over, his head propped up on his hand. Suddenly, an idea came to him, and he rolled towards you. You jumped back as his hands landed on the armrests of your chair, trapping you in. He smelled like a mojito– minty but also alcoholic. Mojitos were your favorite drinks. “You should help me!”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re by yourself, armed with a plunger. I’m in need of assistance, and I’m lonely,” Klaus was infectious with how he smiled at you. He was like an excitable puppy. “We can help each other! Make Christmas memories.”
“Why would I be helpful?” you ask.
“Because you’re a helpful person,” Klaus says, matter of fact. “You organize the homeless drive every Sunday, don’t you?” You would ask how he knows that but decide it’s likely magic, and that asking would leave you with more questions. Instead, you nod, confirming his question. “You have a big heart; you’re perfect for this job.”
“I’m…human,” you mutter meekly. Klaus grabs your face between his hands, effectively shushing you.
“Me too! Mostly. Darling, you’re perfect.”
You decide that arguing with the fake Santa that wandered into your house wouldn’t be fruitful. Plus, you had no plans for Christmas except reading a good book and drinking mimosas. You ask if you can get dressed, but Klaus assures you that what you wear is fine. Of course, you wear a robe with pajama pants and smiley-face slippers. You and Klaus left out the front door since the chimney sounded like a bad idea. You guffaw at the sight of reindeer in your suburban street with a cherry wood sleigh. Klaus skips over like an excitable child and gives loving pats to all the reindeer. He shows you the proper way to pet them, and you giggle as Dancer and Blitzen lick your hand and try to steal part of your candy cane. Klaus lends a hand, and you climb into the sleigh. It’s so quiet outside that you’re shocked your neighbors aren’t hearing the commotion. You’re even more shocked when they don’t hear your screech as you take off into the air. Klaus grabs your hand in comfort, and you realize you like his presence. He’s mental, but he’s kind and somehow makes you feel completely safe when you should be losing your mind.
What Klaus has in enthusiasm, you make up for in organizational skills. He gives you a magic skull key to help sneak into people’s houses (it feels illegal), and together, you double productivity as you drop off presents. You even steal a few cookies and some baklava from a Ukrainian home as you go. The kids were asleep on the floor as you snuck by to drop off your presents, and you were afraid they’d hear you as you moaned around the taste of the dessert. You stole some extra for Klaus, who reacted like you.
You went to so many different countries you had never been to before, and the smile on your face was permanent as you soared across the skies with the real-life Santa. You wondered how you were chosen for such a treat, and you still wondered it as Klaus finally brought you back to your home at five a.m. on Christmas day.
“Why me?” you asked, turning to Klaus in the sleigh as he eased the reindeer to a stop. He looked at you, confused. “Out of everyone that could’ve helped you tonight, you chose me. I just…don’t know why. I’m not special.”
“Oh, but you are; you’re so special,” Klaus grabbed your hands, running his fingers over your knuckles. “And I just like you. You’re kind. I could tell from your aura the second you tried to kill me with your plunger.” You chuckled a bit at that.
“Thank you for choosing me,” you whispered. You kissed Klaus’ cheek, exited the sleigh, and bound into your house. You watched from your doorway as he became nothing more than a beam of light on the horizon. Climbing up your stairs, exhaustion finally crept into your bones, and you passed out immediately in bed.
When you woke up and blearily descended your stairs, you were startled to find a present under the tree. You were even more pleasantly surprised when you unwrapped it and found one of the reindeer bells and a note from Klaus:
Call me. Even Santas use telephones.
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