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#truly sincerely but i was just thinking about the order he gets rid of stuff for my wip
edsbacktattoo · 2 years
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just had (evil) thoughts
so Ed gets rid of the silk first, right? He lets it go to the wind. then he gets rid of Lucius, then all of Stede's nice things, then his crew (save for Jim and Frenchie).
he puts on the Big Bad Scary Kraken persona and says this:
"Farewell Bonnet's playthings. Onto the next."
does that. does that mean he views his red piece of silk as one of 'Bonnet's Playthings' as well?
does that mean that Ed thought his heart was being toyed with? but does that also mean that he nevertheless believed it still belonged to Stede?
like yes, you may have been reckless with it, but it was yours anyway.
and maybe that's part of why he abandons it. maybe he didn't think it belonged to him anymore. maybe it became Stede's the moment he held it with both hands and treated it with care despite how 'tatty and old' it was.
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albywritesfiction · 5 months
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--Ædan route thoughts--
Well, I already told you I would love him to be an option, and that I love "betrayal + forgiveness" tropes, in romance and outside of it.
Now, I'd say most of my ideas about an Ædan route would be pretty Helene dependant actually?
If Helene is truly evil and would be actually harmful for the kingdom: in this case, I would imagine a story in which Ædan would by chance discover what she's planning, or at least the gist of it, and realize just how dangerous she is, but like... This would happen when he's too deep into it, when already married and when she's at peak popularity and so on, and not a lot of people would believe him if he told someone - not to mention he'd REALLY seem unreliable to people at that point since he randomly left his bethrothed only to get engaged with someone else... People would think he's now casting aside the new lover, probably for someone else again. In that case, maybe he'd turn to the only person who could trust him in a backward logic - the MC. The reasoning would be considering just how badly he betrayed them, it would seem idiotic to turn to them for help, but that would be a good move since in a way, the MC could take him seriously BECAUSE it's so unbelievable he'd go to them. And Helene wouldn't expect it too, probably.
If Helene is truly evil but not necessarily wanting to HARM the kingdom, just wanting it for herself: in this scenario, she'd want to marry Ædan to become part of the royal family, and then she could want to get rid of her husband to be the only one in that position. Maybe of the other siblings who could inherit too, in order to ensure she has the spot. It seems unbelievable she'd be able to kill them all and not be suspected, but well, she IS the saintess - and killing wouldn't necessarily be the only way. In that case, she could have attempted to kill Ædan when they were travelling and left him for dead, but the MC would have been there and found him then saved him. In both this scenario and the previous one, they'd basically have to prove to people Helene is the one who was scheming and doing whatever atrocities could be happening, and that would bring them back together.
If Helene is very power hungry and manipulative but not full on evil: I'm assuming in this case, her trying to seduce Ædric would come more into play. Basically, Ædan would learn of that and realize she's probably not truly in love with him. In such a configuration, I can imagine the royal family kicking Helene out and that would be it when it comes to her scheming (of course she may come back later in a different way, but wouldn't be a focus of the day to day part of the story). In this configuration, Ædan would suddenly be alone - she left the MC who truly loved him, and then discovered the one who he thought was his true love didn't actually care for him. This is a very karmic scenario in a way. In this case, I can imagine that awkward situation in which the MC is still in love with Ædan, and Ædan realzes more and more that he was actually happier with them and that he didn't realize it until it was too late, but he'd feel bad about trying to get their forgiveness and love again after what he did. So like, two clowns turning around each other but neither of them managing to talk to the other about their feelings.
If Helene is just scheming and totally not sincere, but still playing her role well: that would be a slow burn of sorts. Basically, the "thrill" and stress of the forbidden relationship, on "how to get with my actual love" and stuff like that was blinding Ædan before. But once married to Helene well... the rose tinted glasses would break, and he'd be more and more unhappy with each passing day, and missing what he had before more and more. That would allow him to progressively see who is his ACTUAL true love. But of course, it would take long for him to really see it, and it would be a problem since now being with the MC would be cheating - in the eyes of people. And with his ex of all people!
Regardless of which scenario it would be, I would really love a "soulmates" concept for this route. Basically, the MC and Ædan are true soulmates in the purest of senses, and the most "magical" one. But Helene did something to blind Ædan and basically tear him apart from his soulmate. Hence why the MC was SO crushed by it too. And so, the route could be the rediscovering of that bond, and how it should be stronger than anything else.
Of course, this is VERY rough because I don't know what Helene is doing and planning exactly, and I'm missing too many details. But that gives a general feeling of what I think.
There is also a theory of mine that Helene actively wants to harm either Ædan or the MC or both, for some personal reason, and that the fact she "stole" Ædan from the MC was because of that. It would also explain her trying with Ædric afterwards (that WAS an actual thing you said right, not only stuff people were saying in asks?). But if that is her motivation, it could still fit most of the scenarios I've mentionned above so yeah...
Hi again Konoï and Noir!
Oooooh I like how you had different and really intriguing ideas for each degree of “How sus is Helene?” 😂
Seriously though, with all the great ideas I’ve been receiving even before I opened the poll, I think I’d be pretty much ready to write an Ædan route after I finish my current plans for ATE
Regardless of which scenario it would be, I would really love a "soulmates" concept for this route. Basically, the MC and Ædan are true soulmates in the purest of senses, and the most "magical" one. But Helene did something to blind Ædan and basically tear him apart from his soulmate. Hence why the MC was SO crushed by it too. And so, the route could be the rediscovering of that bond, and how it should be stronger than anything else.
This concept is so sweet and angsty 🥺
It would also explain her trying with Ædric afterwards (that WAS an actual thing you said right, not only stuff people were saying in asks?).
Well, uh, in the original post where I think people picked up on it (link), it was implied, but apparently the people who read my posts are professional plot detectives 😅 though to be fair, my cryptic responses to some asks may have also tipped them off somehow 😅
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on an Ædan route!
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6blackfilin9 · 3 years
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I love your Anko fanart! Tell me, what are your views/headcannons on Anko X Kazuku?
hThank you so much for the ask, finally I can answer it
here is my big thank you for the waitng
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In a nutshell, the shipp was created by accident while me and my buddy were working on our first Naruto AU in 2019, where Kakuzu and Deidara survived their shitty plotholes end eventually ended up in Konoha
Yeah
so, the shipp’s birth date is july the 1, 2019
anything like classy, aristocracy kind of tension-filled passionate gothic romance with playful, psychological games & hurt/comfort vibes with slight scent of rivalry is KakuAnko
Basically, they are: a very, very old man with absolutely horrendous background who’s trying to finally have his mother*cking 10 or 30 years of peace, and a rather young lady with a rocky youth who’s being good & noble yet has very strong antihero tendencies
You know, I think they do have potential, since, in fact, they seem to be very similar, at the core
They are both very pragmatic realists, the people of logic and reason, yet if Kakuzu’s irritability doesn’t affect him a tiny bit due to his ideal self-control, Anko’s can lead her to quite bad places, sometimes. They put their interests in the first place, and even though she tries to attach them to Konoha’s, she still has ‘personal’ things (I’ll write ‘bout it lower*). Their mindsets are so complicatedly organized that, at some point & way, it prevents them from having many close people, and makes them very hard to see through and predict
Both of them are very flexible & adaptive, independent individuals with similar outlooks on plenty of things and high intellectual level. They clearly can find plenty of traits that they would highly respect and adore in each other
Here I will speak mostly for “why and how” kind of things, bc both of them are terribly tricky to accurately figure out. But there will be some headcanons too
So, there are still some odds about them, due to the strong difference in their occupation, like, in plenty of cases they are really tricky to be brought together, because:
- Of the job
In original, Anko is a Konoha’s special jounin, and she is very dedicated to serving the country. Independently of whether she likes her job or not (depends on the plot), she orienteers at the people, at society’s gain from her work. So, accordingly, in any other AU her job is somehow connected to civil service, whether it’s something police-like, connected to science, or something like CCG in Tokyo Ghoul
Kakuzu, on the other hand, is a hitman and a persona non grata in literally all the five big countries, Konoha too (which makes it barely possible to bring them together in the original universe without hard complications or heavy drama. But still possible). He orienteers on his own gain alone, but, depending on the job, it can include others’ gain, too.
This detail makes him a saint once he holds supervising position in some company or any high position in the government (the better the working conditions of the staff now- the more money in the prospective), and the sheer nightmare once he has it on the opposite side of the law. Him as a mob boss is a complete different topic for discussion, but to get the point, in this case, the trouble isn’t him increasing the level of criminality (its rather vice-versa), but taking hold of too much control in the high and underground structures. Even as an ordinary hitman he’s rather tricky, since everything depends on the case
In most of the stories, they come to some sort of compromise, and how hard it is to reach it depends on how shitty his job is and how attached they are to each other at the moment
Like, in the above mentioned Shippuden AU and Harry Potter AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) everything went like clockwork, because there they are both more or less on this side of the law, in Tokyo Ghoul AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) it is a bit more complicated, with her being in-law and him being very much outlaw, in the Avatar AU (which I also figured out with my buddy, but we never happened to write it) it is also pretty smooth, with both of them being outlaws and then jumping out to the glory after all the shit is done, but in another Shippuden AU of mine, this all would be just a motherfucking bloody disaster
- Kakuzu is actually a hard nut to get attached to anyone
He lived too long to be truly afraid of anything, though. Its mostly because he doesn’t really need to get attached to or become close with someone to satisfy his need for communication. The man can get along with anyone once he wishes to, he can have countless acquaintances and plenty of buddies, but he doesn’t have many comrades and barely can call anyone a friend. Because he is used to lose everything and everyone he ever had or happened to have, because of his inhumanly lengthened lifespan.
It requires time for him to get used to the person, and then, eventually, in some cases, spend plenty of it to get attached
Plus, for him, due to his profession, each close connection is a really great responsibility for him. In most cases, he’d think twice of weather he is ready to take it or not
Though it of course has the personal factor, too
In Anko’s case, she has a grand privilege by being a very intelligent and keen woman, not just in cognitive plane, but in emotional, too. High emotional intellect is actually a rare trait, so she automatically stands out of the crowd for him. Even though it won’t guarantee his alliance, it will grant her his high respect and some sort of sympathy
- Kakuzu is, technically, an asshole
He does have his moral compass, which includes a great amount of common social morality, but he also has that “I am working” state
Even though Kakusu has a set of professional principles, and he still acts accordingly to what he thinks is right, one and the very same situation can be solved diametrically different once the context changes from working to casual and vice versa
This, and him being very independent and quite antisocial, makes the degree of assholeness depend on various factors
This can lead to major conflicts of interests, and if they are possible to have any compromise or not is strongly attached to the circumstances. After all, both are very, very prideful and dignified people
- In other words, the only major issue for them would be morality questions. It’s possible to make the case acceptable for Anko, since both of them ain’t truly squeaky clean, along with Kakuzu being willing enough to watch his borders
- She is provident and doesn’t really need a lot of money on a daily basis, which is much of a joy to him lol
- *they both seek for the stable ground, first of all
Taking in consideration the life conditions Kakuzu had in his youth (despite war state, he still stably had family, friends, grand respect from everyone, home, warmth and food) and how terribly he was torn out of his secured social environment, I believe what he seeks through all his bounty hunt and other money-connected manipulations is stability. Sustainability he had back then. The only way to have it in the conditions of our existent world order is to have money (and a very good mind and luck)
Anko has indeed much more altruistic motives, yet it’s still not that simple. It seems to be, on the first sight, yet considering the “Orochimaru related cases” and her very wayward behavior toward them, it’s clear she keeps her own motives and needs in mind oh so well. The service she has is very well payed, it allows her to do what she likes or believes is right, and to have the living conditions she finds comfortable. And only here, relying on the made sustainable basis, she does what she does
- Thus, they both illustrate the principle “first help yourself, next help the other” just right
- She knows she can keep an eye on him, yet it’s clear for her that her influence isn’t borderless, as well as telling him off some stuff is kind of a not wise thing to do. So in the majority of cases, she never interferes
- This is not common, yet he can actually change some plans if the situation is serious and the compromise can’t be found. He is that kind of person who works on a further prospective, and in this context, this would be the relationship with his loved one
- While Kakuzu is quite conflicted and has very reserved controversial persona, Anko is both controversial, conflicted, and sort of two-faced, on top of that
She is a very sincere, cheerful and humbly honest human being, yet she has some darker natural traits of her character that became rather strong with age and traumatic experience. Cunningness, guile, ways-depend-on-the-case and a bit of ruthlessness, that is. Moreover, she has some unsolved personal issues, which makes her even more twisted.
Like, remember the time when she confronted Orochimaru during the exam? And Kabuto, on the war? Getting rid of them is indeed beneficial for Konoha, but it’s clear that for her it is personal vendetta in the first place. She wouldn’t have tried to do this alone, otherwise, because these two are rather dangerous ones, to say the least.
She uses greater good to cover her real motives (even though it is not truly complete bullshit), and seems to have a terrible habit to keep silence about really important things, which makes her quite prone to lying, in some cases
And sometimes it very badly pisses Kakuzu off, since it makes her prone to doing useless but dangerous shit too
Yet this not any kind of separate hidden side, it is integrated into her personality, and coexists with her bright one. That’s where her violent humour comes from, for example.
But Kakuzu, on the other side, is completely monolith individual, yet sometimes his mindset can create contradictions when it comes to something important to him. but it's another topic
And seeing these layered constructions, and motives, they can pretty finely predict each other’s behavior. Not super-neatly, but they for sure see the basis. This is what helps Kakuzu to prevent Anko from doing some stupid shit, sometimes
- Anko has a role of an indicator for the people who don’t understand and see the changes in Kakuzu’s mood sometimes, since she usually reacts quite openly. Yet, when she has the same unreadable mask of cold, or one of guile, it’s a nightmare for them
- They prefer the non-verbal way to show their feelings, even though Anko is obviously the more chatty one
- They don’t say things such as “I love you”, or other sensual stuff like that really often, believing it to be some sort of cherished words that shall not be spelled mindlessly
- Anko isn’t majorly into PDA, but she fancies it much more than Kakuzu does. She has her whole moments of studying something with her hands, whether it’s a hand, scar or face. He’s more into passive display of affection, like wrapping an arm over her waist or leaning to her or something of this kind; they can allow themselves to (not sexually) kiss in public though
- She knows he doesn’t like to walk hand in hand due to considering it a youthful thing, so there are times when she intentionally walks holding on to his sleeve; generally they walk separately in order not to bother each other, but sometimes they walk arm in arm (like an old Victorian couple lol)
- Being older and wiser, Kakuzu eventually upholds some kind of mentoring position, yet he never considers himself any kind of a teacher or master to Anko, believing her to have a good head of her own. He is just insightful enough to break something through to her or give a word of advise
- This, combined with his highly powerful demeanor, also makes him have the leading position in their relationship
- Anko respects him much enough to fortify this, entrusting with plenty of life questions (like organizing the family budget), even though they make the majority of decisions together. Mostly because he is truly wise and highly experienced individual.
- This makes him one of the very few people Anko would actually listen to and take their opinion in consideration
- So basically they have equal relationship with some tendency to patriarchal order
- And it is, really, mostly economically-based disbalance, with him earning much more than she does
- Yet they never have any financial-based issues, since both of them keep in mind and respect the contributions of each
- There is major power play here, too. He has the absolute might, she has seduction. Anko loves how he makes her want to submit to him, let him have all the power, so she likes provoking him. And she knows he adores it, loves the subtle control she has over him
- They don’t have conflicts in their everyday life. Each knows how to avoid pissing one another off
- He cherishes her playful demeanor, her intellect. Combined with her cunningness, it allows her to rival him, in social sphere. The way she constructs her phrases, the way she speaks, mimics, moves, how bewitchingly it suits her feminine snaky features makes his blood boil and heart melt
- Both of them, actually, have rather specific kind of dry, dark humour. Kakuzu’s is very cynical, satirical, quite often menacing and subtly demeaning; Anko’s is very sarcastic and quite dirty, even gruesome and rather violent
- Sometimes they “fight” verbally as a form of a play. In some circumstances they may sound pretty vile, so some unobservant people mistake this for display of hate
- In general, Anko is the one to heat things up with her playful demeanor, which can include provocation and rivalry, and Kakuzu is the one to keep this energy in borders, accumulating it up to much more intense states
- They both put the comfort in the first place when it comes to household. Everything must be cozy, useful, silent and super clean
- Yet they are both very unpretentious and modest, really
- She absolutely adores when he is showing his serious, severe side, or powerful demeanor. She finds it incredibly suitable for him. She also likes how his real age is sliding out in this or that way. Like, even though he has rather young face (that of 37-40 y.o.), his eyes give away that he’ve seen oh so much more than it seems; the grumpy noises and grunts he makes, the lazy attitude in movements and the way how rapidly he finds a comfy pose once he has a chance to take a seat
- They are both rather patriotic, yet while in the most stories Anko’s feelings mostly lay towards the country she lives in, Kakuzu’s more often lay towards some places, so called small motherland.
- Kakuzu actually could be a source of deep, strong admiration and delight for her, despite all of his bullshit. The unbreakable will he has, mighty burning heart, all the wisdom, talents and mind. Being sent to fight god damn Hashirama, clearly a genius of his times, financial & management genius at the least. And, still, after all the hard times he’ve been through, he maintained the very strong sense of dignity and nobility, even though slightly twisted due to the profession and abnormal lifespan
- And the very same things can serve as the source for her chagrin: with all those traits, he could have been so much more rather than a criminal. With all the gifts he’ve got, he could have been of great use to society. He’s much easier about this, since his prospective is much wider and embraces decades (and in some universes even centuries) instead of months & years, and he knows that he’d be switching sides throughout his life, being on this and that side of the law, yet he still is a bit uncomfortable once it’s brought up
- They are deeply into science, which makes them atheists. He’s into medicine and human biology, she’s into chemistry and reptilian biology; both of them are nuts for physics, history and psychology
- They solve complicated physical and mathematical problems together time to time. She is the first one to have tea-breaks due to losing her temper over it, he tries to figure things out right until you can sense the smoke coming off his head
- Actually, they do have a stumbling stone aside from job & morality complications. And this is Anko’s attitude towards Orochimaru
What she does is basically ruins her life very-very slowly, maintaining the issues she has and planning to make him pay for all he’s done
Kakuzu knows exactly what is really going on with this attitude and why, but he can’t really do anything about it. Like, he knows he can’t make her change her mind or put something into her head
All he can do is really nothing but try to explain how those things are working, and even this option is basically a landmine field for him. At some level she does understand that he could probably be right, yet she just refuses to go back on her mind. And this is actually really dangerous, so at some moments they can fight quite badly about it
- He’s scared shitless to lose her, though; especially like that, even though he knows clearly that he will, anyway, sooner or later
- he knows that losing loved ones ends up with sheer disaster for him, yet he isn’t afraid to pay such a high price for those six, five or four decades of being with her. Because these decades are that of a paradise ones for him. Wife and family, as well as stable job, incomes and life conditions, are some sort of physical definitions of sustainability he craves. Especially family, yet it’s far ahead to plan
- The fact that he will have to bury her one day makes her rather depressed, as well as the knowledge that the only thing she can really do about it is to try to bring him as much happiness and comfort as possible before she dies
thank you, i'd say more, but it's too much already
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aliwritesfic · 3 years
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The Night Shift Part 9 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)
Summary: Your first night at Frankies, yearning mostly . . . no hanky panky! (yet 👀)
Warnings: Talk of abuse, talk of death of loved ones
W/C: 2.2k
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Part 1 Part 10
Frankie was buzzing with adrenaline as he drove you and Manny back to the restaurant. His hand hurt slightly, but he couldn’t stop think about how damn goodit felt to punch Kurt in the face, how when he heard the fear in your voice, everything turned red. How it took everything not to crush the vermin under his boot. But, he would unpack those feelings later, preferably over a case of beer with the boys. They, of all people, would understand.
You got out of the truck to say goodbye to Manny, and Frankie didn’t miss how you rubbed your lower back, how even from where he sat, he could see the ring of a bruise blossoming around your wrist.
“Sorry that took so long,” you said, climbing back into the truck. Frankie glanced at the clock on the dash – barely five minutes had passed. “Are you completely sure it’s okay I stay with you?”
“I want you to stay,” Frankie said. “Please, don’t get it in your head that you’re an inconvenience. I know you well enough by now to see that’s exactly where you’re heading.”
You laughed weakly. “I hate that you’re right,” you said, “I’m just not used to having extra help.” Frankie nodded, and waited for you to continue. “For a second in there, before you and Manny came in . . .I was terrified. I forgot I wasn’t alone and I – thank you, for what you did in there. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t come in when you did.”
You slumped back in your seat and closed your eyes.
“I think this whole thing got rid of my hangover, though,” you joked.
“You’re young enough that you can bounce back quickly from hangovers,” Frankie said, taking the obvious hint for a change in the subject.
“Please, you’re barely older than me,” you said. “You’re like, what? Thirty?”
“Thirty-two,” Frankie corrected.
“Oh my apologies, you’re ancient,” you said with a roll of your eyes. Frankie grinned and shook his head. It amazed him how easily you could still make a joke, despite everything you had been through today alone.
It was almost sunset when he pulled up to his home. Golden light splayed across your features, making you glow. Stunning. The thought was in Frankie’s mind before he could stop it. You turned to smile at him.
“Nice gnomes,” you said gesturing to the dozens of gnomes of varying sizes that were scattered around Frankie’s front garden. He rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced.
“Thanks. My Abuelo used to give me one every Christmas, right up until he died last year.”
“I’m sorry,” you said your voice sincere, “I know how hard that is.”
Frankie shrugged, not wanting to talk about how after his Abuelo died, he made himself sick with grief. Instead, he chose to share something happier. “He used to hide things in them, since they’re all hollow. Sometimes it would be candy, or money. Once he hid my first iPod in one.”
“Sounds like he was a cool dude,” you said and Frankie nodded.
“He was the coolest,” Frankie agreed.
You were quiet for a few moments, holding your arms across your chest. The toll of the day was written plainly on your face, weariness lending itself to the dark circles under your eyes, to the way your shoulders curled inwards. Without thinking about it, Frankie wrapped his arms around you. You leant into the hug, burying your face into his neck. He rubbed your back gently, careful to avoid the spot he knew you were still hurting. You stood like that for a while, warmth leeching into him, and when you finally pulled away, you were almost quick enough to hide your damp eyes.
“Wanna go in?” Frankie asked, already feeling colder without you. He wanted to tug you back, hold you to him and not let go. You nodded, still not looking directly at him.
Inside, the house was cool and dark. Frankie tugged his cap off and placed it on a hook by the door, running a hand through his curls to fluff them up. He was suddenly more self-conscious than he had ever been before. He very rarely brought women back here, and when he did, he never liked them as much as he liked you.
He tried to imagine what you were thinking – were you grossed out at his unwashed breakfast plate sitting in the sink? Was the number of photos of family and friends that hung up on the walls and sat framed on every surface excessive? He didn’t remember seeing any photos like that at your apartment. But then, he also hadn’t been looking.
“It’s uh, not much,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.
“It suits you,” you said. Was it a compliment? Frankie wasn’t sure, until you continued. “Like, at first, it seems a little understated, but the more I look the more I see how you it all is.” You wandered over to a shelf stuffed with books and records, most of them coming from his old room at his parents when they had cleaned out their home a few years back.
“Tell me to fuck off if I’m being nosy,” you said, tilting your head to read the spines. Most of the books were well loved classics – stuff that Frankie had read over and over until the covers became loose and pages began to fall out.
“Just don’t search the drawers in my bedroom, that’s where I keep all my vintage Playboys and a spare bag of mushrooms.”
You snorted with laughter and turned to face him properly. Your eyes were still puffy and red, but no longer teary. Frankie counted that as a victory. “You always struck me as more of an acid guy. Just like you’re striking me as a fan of Thai food?”
“Big fan, actually.”
“Excellent, I know this great place that delivers, I’ll pay.” When Frankie opens his mouth to protest, you hold a hand up silencing him. “Please, let me pay. I owe you big time for doing this, all of this, for me.”
Frankie eventually conceded, sensing that you were infinitely more stubborn than him. Thai food was ordered and delivered, the scent of the panang curry made Frankie’s mouth water. You sat across from him at the table, eyeing him. It took a few moment for Frankie to realise you had put one of his albums on – Erykah Badu, he quickly identified.
“Can I ask you something?” you said after swallowing a mouthful of pad Thai.
“Anything,” he said. Just don’t ask me how long I’ve wanted to fuck you.
“What’d you mean today, when you said it’s not my fault?”
Frankie wasn’t expecting that. “Well, all that stuff Kurt did – like trying to kill himself, that’s not your fault.” You shrugged, clearly unconvinced, so Frankie ploughed on. “It’s just a form of emotional manipulation. Do you remember Benny, the guy your friend went home with last night? His sister, Eve, kind of went through something similar. Her partner would threaten to hurt himself and her if she tried to leave. It wasn’t until she ended up in hospital that she told Benny and Will what was happening.”
You looked horrified. “Is she okay?”
Frankie made a wavering motion in the air with his hand. “Some – most days are better than others. She moved to Portland, met a really nice lady, they’re getting married in the summer.”
“Good for her,” you murmured.
“But like I said, it’s not your fault. None of it is. He’s the one to blame, if he tries anything. He’s in control of his actions, you aren’t.” Frankie’s voice was firm, and he refused to look away from you as he spoke. He needed, more than anything, for you to understand that.
The next few hours passed quietly, sitting next to each other on his worn couch, Netflix half forgotten while you drifted in and out of sleep. Eventually, when the sky turned from black to grey to pink, Frankie showed you the spare room and gave you some privacy, knowing you probably needed some time to yourself after the gruelling day. He knew that sometimes all a person needed was some time alone to process. He sat on the couch and pulled a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket.
Andi, the waitress, had given him her number, followed by three x’s and a winky face. Once, Frankie would have opened his messenger app and texted her, asking her out. But now. . . he found he wasn’t at all interested. He crumpled the paper and threw it in the trash.
~*~
How long is too long to spend in someone else’s shower? Five minutes? Ten? Until the hot water runs out? Vanilla and honey body wash? Oh, shit that smells delicious.
You kept your thoughts light, avoiding the darkness that brewed in the forefront of your mind. You felt like you were going through a billion crisis’s, so instead of focusing on any, you decided to focus on none.
You thought back to Frankie’s intense gaze as he spoke to you at dinner, how incredibly sexy it had been. You were shocked you could think something like that after the day you’d had, but the thoughts had entered unwelcome into your mind. You tucked them away for later, when you weren’t so close to him and wouldn’t feel burning shame if you looked at him.
Stepping out of the shower, you took a deep breath and decided to truly inspect the . . . damage that was done today. Your wrist was already bruising and ached slightly when you thought too much about it. You faced your back to the mirror and twisted, grimacing at the sight of the damage Kurt had caused. Your lower back, like your wrist, was bruised black and purple. You quickly wrapped a towel around yourself, hiding the damage.
Deep breath, Spud, you’re stronger than you think.
Your grandfathers voice echoed in your ears. It was what he would say to you whenever you were hurt – just fallen out of a tree and fractured your ankle, sliced your finger open cutting onions, sobbing because the boy you had convinced yourself was your soulmate at fifteen just dumped you the day after you lost your virginity to him, it was always your grandfathers voice saying those words. Your heart ached with missing him.
The room Frankie had showed you was more of a home gym with a bed shoved into the corner than anything else. There was still a scattering of things that were undeniably Frankie in the room: a pile of old boots with holes in the canvas, a greasy looking toolbox, a poster for the Brooklyn Nets with players that looked like they had wandered out of the 90s. You didn’t know much about basketball but decided to at least keep an eye on when the Nets lost so you could rag on Frankie about it.
You grabbed your bags, assessing what Manny had grabbed. God, he’s good, you thought, realising he had packed you everything you needed. You dressed and grabbed your phone, breathing a sigh of relief when it was free of messages from Kurt. You typed out a quick message to Manny.
You are truly the most amazing friend anyone can ask for <3 thanks for packing my stuff.
Then, after a few moments, you sent one to Sara.
I broke up with Kurt, should I be sadder about it?
It was 7 in the morning, but within a minute your phone was buzzing with a call from her.
“Tell me you’re not lying to me,” her voice was hushed. You could hear her moving, a door clicking shut.
“I’m not lying. It’s done.” You laid back on the bed and closed your eyes. “It was a fucking nightmare to do though.”
“Spill, what happened? Are you okay?” Sara’s voice was louder now. You gave her the rundown of everything that had happened, from the lunchtime confession to the actual breakup to how you were now sleeping in Frankie’s spare room.
“Wait – Frankie? Benny’s friend?”
“Are you still with Benny?” This was different: Sara had a policy of one night only – anything more and she claimed they’d fall in love with her.
“Of course, he has a massive dick. But back to you missy, you’re staying with Frankie?”
You sighed. “Yeah, just until I get the keys to my new place.”
“Are you gonna fuck him?” Sara sounded hopeful.
“Oh, my god! No!”
“Aw, c’mon, rebound sex is good for the soul.”
“Maybe with strangers in seedy bars who have half a chance of giving me the clap. Not with someone I-”
“-Have a huge thing for. Please, I saw it the moment you spotted him at fight night. You’re so hung up on this guy and Benny says-”
“This conversation is over, it’s my bedtime. I love you and you’re wrong.” You hung up quickly, cheeks burning with the lie. Did you want to have sex with Frankie? Desperately. At the most inappropriate of times, like when you heard the rumble of his voice through the window at work, like when you caught a glimpse of his beautiful, unique side profile, like when you were alone and allowed your thoughts to wander to what could be under his jeans.
You sighed, frustrated with yourself and rolled onto your side. If you were braver, more sure that his attraction matched yours, you would have gone to his room, crawled into bed beside him, let whatever was meant to be, be. But right now, you weren’t brave. You felt like you had used up all your courage quota for the year in a single day, which was a ridiculous sentiment.
So instead of going to Frankie’s room, like the pulsing in your underwear desperately wanted you to, you closed your eyes and tried to sleep.
Taglist: @hnt-escape @sharkbait77 @1800-fight-me @annathewitch @darnitdraco @frankiecatfish @punkerthanpascal @nakhudanyx @gracie7209 @quica-quica-quica @pintsizemama @phoenix-of-loki
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Heaven in Hiding
Hello everyone, it's @sasageyowrites 's birthday today and this fic in my queue is dedicated to her and only her. This is my gift to you sweetheart, sweet 17 I love you dearly. On another note I used some line breakers here because I wanted to see how they worked don't mind me I might remove them later on
Pairing: Dabi/reader
Summary: Dabi finds himself unable to get out of your shadow and in despairate need to provide for your and your daughter's safety you confront him, forbidding him of ever being able to lay his eyes on you or your baby
Warnings: Stalking I guess, I mean typical Dabi stuff you know..
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Dabi wasn’t a stalker. At least that was what he tried to tell himself in any case he’d come to believe that very statement.
The wind was chilling, blowing his hair anywhere on his face, much like the endless amount of tree leaves that swayed everywhere around him. He glanced around, noticing the first specs of snow had already started to fall down following the sudden harsh blow of air. 
He huddled inside the neckline of his black hoodie, his face mask shifting obnoxiously over the metal staples that held the skin of his cheeks together. His black windbreaker jacket did almost nothing to cover him from the excessive cold wind that blew; not that he was any close to freezing -it was more of the opposite- but he’d always feel that tingling sensation of the frozen metal bars on his burned skin. They scorched on his burn even further that he could ever want to admit, but by now he was used to the pain. 
Most of the trees around him were stripped off of their leaves, their thin boles put to display for him and any bystander. The clouds were covering most of the sky, only a few tiny specks of baby blue peaked form underneath them, yet they were quickly vanishing under the mellow snowy clouds. In that moment Dabi knew, the enormous sunglasses he wore to hide his undereyes only made him look more suspsicious.
Not that he didn’t look like a fly in a full glass of milk to begin with.
The glass doors before him opened automatically, the red motion monitor beeping in his eyes as the sound of a bell rang once he entered the convinience store. The medium height stalls laid neatly before him, the colors of the numerous products almost catching his attention. He shook his head as if wanting to come to his senses, his attention span traveling back to his person of interest, the person he followed all the way to this store.
Glancing around the store, his eyes quickly met with the security camera view screen. Teal orbs paced maniacally, traveling back and forth between the numerous small windows until they were met with what they were looking for. His feet marched before he could even think, mechanically even, pacing quickly towards the direction he had instantly memorised, much to his demise.
He had to stop himself from grunting just before his body movements came to an halt. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket he sank his face deeper into his hoodie, standing before the glass covered fridge isle, his eyes seemingly fixated on the multiple cartons of milk that lead before him.
When your hand went for the matte metallic handle of said door Dabi found himself mimicking your action, putting his best effort into trying not to raise any suspision. You didnt seem to pay him any mind; as your hand extended further you hesitantely grabbed onto a powder blue carton, carefully placing it into the wheeled basket that was standing down before you.
You probably didn’t care about anyone around you; Dabi figured out that much while noticing you hadn’t even threw a glance in his direction over all the time the had been watching you. Secretly he restented just how much you minded your own business, it came to the point you were naively ignoring your surroundings completely. He knew exactly what you were thinking about; no one cared to bother with a random bypasser like you, but at least he hoped that after your time with him you’d come to understand the way criminal minds worked.
He chuckled to himself as he thought about giving you the least some credit. This was a nice neighborhood, a very well lit part of the town, accentuated in beautiful cherry blossoms that bloomed in spring, filled with numerous families as well as residents of a few of the top ten heroes. This place seemed to be inaccessible to murderous, bloodlusty villains such as himself.
At first it had seemed unreal that you were alive, free of any mark. He had thought he'd gotten the wrong person, still stuck over the fact that he couldn't do much to save you, one of the few people he had cared about in this world, but he was soon convinced, as he witnessed your meeting with Midnight, that this was in fact you, alive and well.
Yet, here he was. Following you around for God knows how many days now, obsessed with the fact that it was you that lived a careless life before his very eyes. For the most part he had tried to deny it, to convince himself that he had gotten completely insane and delusional. And he had wanted for that assumption to be correct. Because he had, or rather, he had thought he had, watched you die a horrible death, engulfed in acid, screaming in agony as it burned through your skin and bones.
And as if that wasn't an earth shattering shocker, it had to be that you were always seeming to be carrying a child with you.
Dabi wasn't dense and he wasn't lucky either. The child was around a year or so, he had figured, adorned with a set of tealy baby blues and (h/c) hair, save for her front bangs and the hair above her ears and nape. As much as he'd like them to be any other color -because, truly, such fact could actually justify the disgusting and full of jealousy throbbing in his heart every time he laid his eyes on the two of you- they shone a bright fiery red.
(H/c) bangs curtained your face as you bowed your head down, giggling as you brought your forehead to bump into a smaller one. Dabi watched as your eyes creased and squinted as a big beam was plastered on your face, your nose coming to bump on the baby’s button one. He almost smiled, sincerely even, at the interaction, though a pinch inside his chest prevented him from doing so. He couldn’t help but stop and stare, unsure of whether he looked dumpfounded or not.
“We got your milk Saku, yay!” you cheered, receiving a small squeal in response from the infant.
His fingers idled with the carton that fell under his hand, a small pink and brown carton, marked with the enormous words of any irrelevant label. His eyes fixated on it, quivering as ever, his thoughts mocking him as to whether he could try and dare to take another glance in your direction. His gut though churned, burning his insides in what seemed like an endless torturous bloodlust. Taken aback, his gut chirped, his throat seemingly forming a loop, preventing him from being able to take another breath. And.if he were to be honest, in the moment he needed one.
The anxiety rushing through his veins worked its wonders on him, raging dangerously towards his face, burning everything in its way. That disgusting antic was back, the obnoxious nervous smile he couldn’t rid himself off formed on his face under his mask. He wanted to slap himself it, yet it was hard to do so before you, it could potentially blow his cover and cause a scene that he didn’t want to in the store. As much as he loved causing mayhem, this wasn’t the time for it.
As the baby chirped, fidgeting her small open fists through your hair, he came to officially convince himself on his involvement with her. Blue springles emitted from the tips of her fingers and immediatelly the discomforting odor of burnt hair filled the air. And damn, did Dabi hate that smell.
“Baby, don’t burn mommy’s hair.” you smiled, stealing a glance in Dabi’s direction as you spoke, taking him aback by the sudden action.
Why was his heart speeding up in such demonic pace though? You probably didn’t even do so on purpose. Thinking that you were actually aware of his presence around you shouldn't be as unsettling as it seemed in the moment, in the end you were bound to notice the black clothed figure following you everywhere like a second shadow, weren’t you? Did he really think you were that stupid?
Sighing to himself he turned on his feet, proceeding to walk in the opposite direction of the one which you walked towards. He couldn’t stand being in this store anymore, his blood boiled at the thought of what he was actually doing. It was safe to say that he really did despised what he had turned into, but there was no going back. Picking up his feet, he exited the store, the chocolate milk still in his hand, burried in the inside of his sleeve.
Damn, he needed to smoke a cigarette or ten.
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Dabi didn't know how many hours he had spent in the park across your apartment building; frankly he had lost all track of time and albeit having witnessed the sun set, he was unable to pinpoint how long ago the phenomenon had take place.
Snow fell down in big white blotches, littering his black windbreaker before it melted down into the fabric, only to pushed back out of its surface in the form of steam. His body was churning, the burnt skin that was held by the staples in certain areas practically oozed in tiny specs of blue cremating fire, the fleece fabric of his hoodie protesting as it ceased to exist. At this point he knew he was going to burn his clothes down if he kept staring at your windows and this wasn't his fireproof villainous attire, nonetheless he didn't feel as if his legs could move according to what his brain commanded. Nor did he feel as if he could control his own self.
When he'd think about pushing a leg forward in order to take leaping step, you'd come to the window he had a good view on and stroll around the room, always accompanied by the silhouette of the infant in your embrace and all Dabi was left with consisted of his ability to hide inside his hood or rather, his inability to get himself out of the situation. He secretly liked the way you hadn't pulled the curtain all the way across the window, whether it was intentionally or not -he didn't care to know of- he just enjoyed that he could get that tiny glimpse of you and Saku -or at least, that was the only thing he'd ever hear you call her.
Dabi wished that it wasn't so quiet, he wished he hadn't been able to hear it, but now that he had, he couldn't help but feel a little swirling bulb of bitter jealousy forming in his lower stomach. Yet was what assuring for a second was terrifying in the next; he'd never seen him around your house, or rather, he'd never seen you and him interact in any way. The only thing he knew was that you probably had many gives and takes with the heroes, a thing that put his mind to work harder than it ever should have been.
For a fragment of a second teal eyes meet with obsidian ones, forrowed straight brows met taller thinner ones. Dabi felt belittled as he stared at the male across the street who seemingly stared right back at him but he held himself back from letting out a surprised whimper as a reaction to recognising the man.
Aizawa Shouta, Eraser Head, was standing underneath the main door of your apartment complex, his fingers lingering with what Dabi had memorized to be your doorbell. The ravenette watched as you perked up, your silhouette passing by the familiar window as you paced and only a few moments later the familiar buzz of your intercom rang through the air.
He was confused. Confused beyond a sane point. Maybe that's why he had decided to stick around. Maybe, as he told himself so, you were just a mystery he wanted to solve.
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"Thanks for coming." You smiled as soon as you opened the door, your batting eyes falling into the ravenette's stoic ones.
"Don't bother thanking me," Aizawa raised his palm, closing his eyes as he softly signed you to stop "I saw him, you know."
"He hasn't left that spot in the park for hours actually." You confirmed.
A deep sigh left your chest, your brows furrowing as your face fell in a despairate and miserable expression. The corner of your lip twitched and your jaw quivered as your soft pieces of flesh pressed together, a series of actions that Aizawa didnt fail to notice, yet he idled in his spot, his feet bowing slightly as he proceeded to take his shoes off. Once done, his feet mechanically marched towards you, his hands hesitantly coming to cup the tops of your shoulders.
The anxiety in your stomach leaped, throwing hellish boulders in the walls of your intestines, trying to hurt you enough so that you could come to your senses. But your mind protested on what you had decided on, fighting back with every breath you took. Your heart throbbed inside your chest, begging to spill through your ribs in mushy gashes, your throat was dry was you stared at Aizawa with wide eyes.
"Don't worry. I'm here." He spoke, sternly and before you managed to utter a words, making you squint your eyes shut.
Your hands came to hug around your form, the intense cold from outside finally finding its way inside your apartment and setting you as a target. It was now or never, you thought. The last few months ahead taken an enormous toll on you, Dabi's presence always being in your shadow was driving you insanse, filling you with rage and remorse.
He had no right to come after you and intrude on your personal life, yet you didn't know if you could try and not do the same were you in his place. But perhaps that was just an excuse you were making because you resented yourself for ever being involved in the ways you had with him.
You looked up at Aizawa, the inches that separated you, giving you a good lower view of his face. His heavy eyebags resembled his in a way you couldn't explain, his obsidian eyes that stared into yours with assurance -that was the look of a hero who had come to your rescue- yet you couldn't help but compare it to Dabi's ominus, cold glare, damn even the long messy onyx hair screamed Dabi to you and you hated it.
You hated that you could see him anywhere. Whether it was your imagination, dreams or real life, Dabi was always there, hiding in the shadow in the most prominent, ironic way, mocking you for your past choices, staring at your daughter maniacally with eyes so wide that were raged with manic.
Every night you felt like pulling your hair off your scalp, you felt like clawing your face until you ripped your skin or screaming to the walls until they fell down and came apart; you could feel Dabi's eyes on you on whatever actively you were set to do, even sleeping and in occasional fear of being cremated on your sleep.
This was the time to take action and if anyone could help you not get burnt into ashed that was Aizawa Shouta.
"He probably won't try anything funny with you here Shouta. Sakura is asleep but you can have her relax in your arms if you fear that I'll take long." You said rushing to get your combat boots out of the shelf you had them stored.
"Out of all people, did you really have to have a child with Dabi, (y/n)?" Aizawa playfully remarked, yet you furrowed your eyebrows as his expression failed to match with his tone.
You simply sighed back to him, closing your eyes in embarrassing defeat, your chest was run by a sudden chill, causing your body to absurdly perk up and Aizawa huffed through his nose in determination.
"Maybe you should wear a coat." He suggested.
"It's fine," you spoke back playfully "I actually like being cold.
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Your breath formed into fog as you exhaled and you watched it annihilate into thin freezing air, your eyes glimmering under the cold lights of the street lamps, your orbs quivering from the freezing cold. You unwrapped your hands from your form as you felt the cold take over you. It was absurdly refreshing, you thought, and immediately your brain protested over your irrational way of thinking, yet your gut was scorching and at least the snow falling on your hair and nose was providing you with some newfound comfort.
You wanted to pick up your pace, but your frozen legs ignored you, deciding to prolong your misery further, your toes going numb with each step you took closer to Dabi's direction. He didn't even flinch. Not even once. You wondered if you shall take another step towards him, the terror that run through you raged over the theory that Dabi was only trying to catch you off guard before he fried you alive.
Still, you focused your gaze on the small streak of smoke that bled out of his hoodie. Soon the smell of tobacco filled your almost too numb nostrils as the sound of Dabi's snarky breath filled your ears. It was criminally quiet tonight, though this street wasn't normally filled with people, many school kids would chose the park across your apartment to hang out after school or during the late hours of night, but seeing how bad the weather was tonight you could blame anyone for not chosing to freeze themselves to death.
Of course, Dabi and you were two of a kind.
"Care to share a cig with me?" You spoke with determination, managing to let out a small hint of teasing in your voice to mask your fear.
"You actually practiced that line or something?"
Dabi chuckled in your direction although you could listen to the dryness in his tone. His hood covered head didn't turn in your direction just yet but his hand reached for one of his pockets, then leaping into another, taking short anxious movements, perhaps, you though, to throw you off. You were though sure Dabi could practically smell fear and if that was true whatever he was doing, he was doing it to mess with you, you knew how he much loved corruption or how he enjoyed the reek of fear from a few of his victims.
"Don't twitch like that, I'm just looking for my pack."
There it was. Yeah. Of course he was messing with you. Great, he was going to kill you weren't he now?
Dabi shift uncomfortably in his eat on the snow drenched bench, his hip bones clashing with the hard wood beneath him but he pushed through the discomfort he was feeling because now he was facing you.
Your jaws were clashing furiously, the hoodie you were wearing was probably doing nothing to keep you warm and for a moment he seriously thought about removing his windbreaker and tossing it over your shoulders, but he knew you wouldn't accept it, so he set on saving himself from the embarrassment.
Picking a hand out of one pocket he presented you with the small carton that held a couple of cigarettes and you didn't miss a chance on grabbing one, not even giving it a second thought. Looking around, you realised there was no lighter in sight and you sighed as Dabi offered his pointer finger, the digit adorned with a sheer blue coowling crown and naively you bowed down, taking a drag as the fire touched the edge of the cigarette.
You didn't bother thanking him as a constipated expression masked your face, your hands coming to rest under your bust just in case you'd ever get tired of holding your cigarette with your lips.
"Care to sit down?" Dabi remarked and you absurdly turned your head in the opposite direction, taking a drag through the filter, the stinky taste of nicotine filling your tingling on your taste buds.
"No, Dabi. You know why I'm here. I can't deal this anymore."
"You can't deal living without me little mouse?" He snarled, his hands quickly working on replacing the smoked cigarette that hung from his lips with a fresh one.
"Dabi I'm serious." You said, squinting your eyes "This is driving me insane. Did you really think I wouldn't notice you?"
Despite your tone suggesting that your question wasn't rhetorical, Dabi made no effort to even part his mouth to reply.
"Care to tell me what you want from me?"
Silence. Dabi looked at you as if you were speaking in a language he couldn't recognise, as if your words fell deaf to his ears.
"Dabi, I'm not going to beg for my life if that's what you want, and I don't appreciate that you're trying to entertain your psychopathic kinks." You said, voice below your normal pitch, indicating the small hints of fear that came with your intuition.
"Is she mine?"
The question hit you like a truck. Shaking, you couldn't help but feel like a deer blinded by the headlights, your blood running cold in your veins. Could you truthfully answer that without setting yourself and your daughter in danger? Stealing a glimpse of your window you vaguely made out Aizawa's silhouette and your heart warmed at the soothing reassurance that came with the action.
"Would it matter for you to know? What would it change?"
"Wouldn't you want to know if you had a little bastard marching astray?" Dabi monotonously remarked, making your stomach growl with rage.
"Sakura isn't a dirty stray dog, you're in no place to talk about her like that, not when you don't know what I went through for her." You raged, your eyes glowing with anger as you burned holes in Dabi's teal orbs.
So that was the name you had given her- Sakura- a plain overused name with a beautiful meaning, Dabi could atone for the fact that he liked it. Nevertheless, he stared at you, his lips puckered together in a determined manner, his cigarette never leaving the right corner of his mouth.
"Hit a nerve, little mouse?"
"Stop calling me that Dabi." Upon snarling you stomped your foot to the ground.
"How should I call you? I don't think I caught your actual name."
Dabi was bitter and he had every right to be, or so he told himself, he felt enraged to look in your direction, yet so speak to you and to top it all his stupid, idiotic feet were shaking and he didn't feel like he could get up, he could only stand there and stare at you, but this was unlike any other time. This time you were staring right back at him (e/c) orbs burning holes into the back of his brain.
But he wasn't going to give in, despite whatever he felt, he wouldn't give in to how soft he viewed you as, he wasn't going to give in to how your familiar smell filled his nostrils or how his heart set at an orbit of its own due to your eyes in his. Anxiously, he took another drag of his cigarette before taking a look towards your window, making out Eraser Head's silhouette in the dim light.
"I won't try to kill you, by the way, you didn't have to bring your friend over."
Your expression hardened as Dabi mentioned Aizawa, your heart skipping a beat as your eyes immediately fell in his direction once again.
"You don't have to obsess over Shouta as well."
"Ah, already on first name basis? With a man that much older than you and here you are calling me Dabi?" He whined playfully, but still his feet wouldn't move.
"What I do in my life is none of your business, you don't have any right on me because you knocked me up-"
"So she is mine."
If you could, you'd wipe that smug look that was immediately plastered on his face, but you knew better and you hated that you did. You knew that he smiled like that when he was in discomfort, you knew that he couldn't move from the spot he was seated on, you could still see through him and it killed you, it killed you because on one hand you were utterly afraid of what he could do to you and on another you wanted to bring a palm to his face and call him by his name.
"Look Dabi," you sighed in defeat "to answer any of your questions, Sakura is your daughter and I brought Shouta here because I'm afraid you're here to kill us. How am I supposed to know you're not playing dumb with me because you want to kill me?"
Dabi quirked a brow at you, bringing his hand to the top of his hood and pulling it down, his hair tousling in the air. "Can't I just be amazed that you're living a careless life when you're supposed to be dead?"
You averted your eyes from his in shame, your body shivering slightly for a brief moment. "I was supposed to take down small nameless criminals Dabi. I fake my death so I could get out of there with my ass saved."
"I should kill you, you know, I've entrusted you with very significant information about me." Dabi growled, his fingers starting to springle in the tiniest specs of cobalt.
Despite watching them dance before you, your gut felt numb and you could thank the freezing cold for that, but you didn't feel the growling eruption of fearful anxiety grow inside you anymore.
"Well it was your fault that you trusted me enough to tell me your name and purpose, but I won't spill the beans on you. Unless..." You prompted, finally taking a seat next to Dabi, your thigh merely brushing against his own.
"Unless?" He inquired, intrigued as ever.
"Unless you leave us alone, Touya." You whispered the name below the sound of a breath, making sure no one around you could hear, yet Dabi quivered by the sound, his eyes glued on your lips. "The truth is, I don't want you associated with Sakura. How will the world treat her if they find out she's the daughter of a serial killer?"
"I... I just." He hesitated.
"You what? If your villain friends know about her they're going to come after us, being a single mother is fucking me up already, give a girl a fucking break Dabi."
You were dumbfounded by how bold you were getting and you only had yourself to blame, cornering the villain felt dangerous and endearing at the same time, his otherwise dominant behavior had crumbled in only a few tiny seconds and between them you had managed to call the shots and push all the right buttons, corrupting your way into the point you wanted to make.
It was true, during your time working undercover to take down small criminals you had indeed picked up on the way criminal minds worked. And in moments like these you used it to your advantage.
"Can I just see her once?"
His tone took you aback, sending your eyes to spread wide as a surprised expression masked your face. His voice was pleading and small, soft and intruding poking you to spare him with any pity you had in you. Shaking your head, you came to your senses, finally aware of the fact that your thigh was pushed against his.
With a shagged breath you made a move to get up but you were forced into the cold bench once again by Dabi's hand, the sound on shifting filling the air as you growled on your spot.
"You don't get to tell me what to do little mouse." He barked, his digits digging into the skin of your thigh almost painfully. "I want to see my daughter. How come that hobo of a man can see her when I can't."
"Dabi, I just explained why I don't want you around her."
"I have every right don't I?" He asked.
"Actually, you have no right, you're a serial killer Dabi, you shouldn't have any right, the only reason as to why I can't arrest you right now is because all I have are this stupid healing quirk and that I have no license to do anything to you. Now if you go in to my house, Shouta isn't going to go soft on you."
Dabi growled in his seat, his hand leaving your thigh as he maniacally went to light another cigarette, this time the small spec of fire dancing on his quivering finger.
"This is a warning, stop stalking us." You sighed and brought your palms over your knees with a slap before straightening them to stand up.
"Wait-" Dabi said as he watched you take a few steps away from him, his head extending to your direction. "If- if you heal me, will I be able to see her then?"
You didn't dare turn around to face him, instead you hugged your chest, taking in a deep breath as you lowered your head to stare at your shoes. The voice inside your head was hot and sweet and it bowed to your natural instinct as a healer, somewhere deep inside your chest you felt as if that in a way it could work. But even if you took away what made Touya Dabi then would he really ever atone for all his sins? You knew you wouldn't be able to sleep with both eyes closed if he were to be by your side, his ideals weren't just something he could give up just because he would leave his appearance behind.
"Look, Touya, I really like Shouta, please don't ruin this for me." you whispered, your voice raspy but you never managed to turn to him. Whether your statement was a lie or not was up to Dabi to decide.
"No wait."
You didn't respond to his call out. You simply hugged your chest tighter, pressing your breasts with your cubits as you took fast steps towards your apartment complex.
You chose to ignore the fittings that you heard behind you, the commotion he was causing coming second to the way your heartbeat annoyingly pulsed in your ears. When Dabi's palm hazed over you you heaped, your breath cutting short and consequentially being trapped inside your weary lungs.
"I'd never hurt a mother and a child." Dabi gulped, his fingers being moments away from brushing over your clothed skin.
But you didn't care, you simply lowered your shoulder, throwing your collarbone forward in an attempt to escape the upcoming contact of his body with yours. You set your feet to work, rapidly and uncarefuly sliding through the snow as you tried to get away.
And once again all Dabi could do was stop and stare. You didn't care about the churning in his gut, you didn't give a damn about the ashes of his heart either, there was no heaven in hiding for him, just this bitterweet taste of tobacco in the buds of his tongue, and the unbearable stinging in his eyes. All he was left with was his wish to see you and Sakura again.
And maybe he could do that. He just needed to become a silent shadow.
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bloody-bee-tea · 3 years
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BeeTober 2020 Day 9
Silk - Nostalgia
Day 9 of BeeTober stumped me for a good while, but with the help of Twitter and Tumblr I give you some Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling bonding, because Jiang Cheng is still the best jiu-jiu after all.
Jiang Cheng is standing in Jin Ling’s old room. He knows he should have packed everything up long ago, since Jin Ling barely comes to visit anymore now that he is Sect Leader—and if Jiang Cheng is being honest, the visits had dwindled even before that –but Jiang Cheng couldn’t bring himself to do it, yet.
Jin Ling grew up in this room, and Jiang Cheng can’t bear to let go of that yet, even though Jin Ling is a man now.
But it’s time.
It will still be Jin Ling’s room of course, Jiang Cheng reminds himself  of that again and again; it will still be the room he sleeps in when a conference happens at Lotus Pier, it will still be the room he sleeps in when he’s on a night hunt in the area, but Jiang Cheng figures for that to actually happen he should probably get rid of all the baby and kid things that are still in this room.
Jiang Cheng already got a few boxes to store them in, because he can’t quite part with them completely yet, but they are cluttering the room, and Jin Ling is certainly used to more space.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t even want to know just how grand his room in Jinlingtai must be and how small and insignificant this room must seem in comparison to him.
Jiang Cheng pushes those thoughts away, because the room was good enough for Jin Ling when he was a kid, and that’s really all that matters.
He won’t be around much anymore, after all, so if he has to sleep in a somewhat smaller room than at his home, he doesn’t get to complain.
Jiang Cheng starts with the closest closet; opens every drawer and door and simply throws everything in the boxes, without looking too closely at the things.
He knows he could get lost in all the nostalgia in this room, but he has a goal for today, and that is to clean this room, not to linger in it longer than necessary.
That thought is gone through the window almost before Jiang Cheng is even halfway done with cleaning out the room.
Jiang Cheng finds a chest full of toys, and he remembers how he carved most of them himself, between rocking Jin Ling to sleep and leading his Sect, and he notes with embarrassment that it’s more than obvious that he had no clue what he was doing back then.
Well, Jin Ling certainly liked them well enough when he was just a baby, and that’s really all that matters, Jiang Cheng reminds himself.
Maybe a few other toddlers would like them as well, Jiang Cheng thinks, stubbornly not noting how amateurish some of them look, and then still buries them inside the boxes.
He made them for Jin Ling. He’s not ready to simply accept that Jin Ling no longer has any use for them.
When Jiang Cheng opens the next drawer, he stills.
It’s full of onesies and romper suits, all fashioned with the most expensive silk, and they still look immaculate.
Jin Ling grew quickly as a baby, so he didn’t get to wear them often before he outgrew them, didn’t have a chance to ruin them all with food and his truly rambunctious nature as a kid, and looking at them now, Jiang Cheng is hit with a fresh wave of nostalgia.
Sometimes he really misses tiny Jin Ling.
It feels like just yesterday that Jiang Cheng ordered these particular baby clothes, and they really are exquisitely made.
Jiang Cheng can almost feel Jin Ling’s weight in his arms as he holds the clothes, remembers what a struggle it was to get him into some of them some days, and he can’t help the wistful smile on his lips.
Jiang Cheng would never say this out loud, doesn’t usually even dare to think it, but those really were good times, for all that Jin Ling was a fussy baby and Jiang Cheng got an average of about three hours of sleep at night.
With one last stroke of the soft clothes Jiang Cheng forces himself to put them into the box as well.
Now that he has seen them, and remembered his times with baby Jin Ling, it’s even more unlikely that he’ll give them away immediately.
If they take up too much space in this room, he’ll simply transfer them to his own room. He’ll make space for them somehow.
Jiang Cheng goes on, clearing out the room with a slower pace than he anticipated, but he finds too many things that stir a memory within him, too many things he is still so very fond of and he lingers over them and it takes him the better part of the day, before he reaches the last drawer.
There he finds clothes Jin Ling wore as a teen, robes that still hold the Yunmeng colour amongst all the gold, and it’s not even that long since Jin Ling shed them for the purely gold ones he wears nowadays.
Jiang Cheng hadn’t known he actually missed seeing Jin Ling in Yunmeng colours, so he is kind of unprepared for the wave of longing that washes over him.
He doubts he will ever see Jin Ling wear purple again.
Jiang Cheng ruthlessly squashes that feeling down—feeling guilty for even thinking it, because Jin Ling is not his and he’s the Sect Leader of one of the Great Sects now—and throws the robes into the boxes as well. Maybe he’ll get rid of those sooner than of the other things, if only to get rid of that stupid thought.
“Jiu-jiu,” Jin Ling’s voice suddenly calls out and he sounds so much like the tiny kid Jiang Cheng got used to having run around that it takes him a moment to realize that Jin Ling is actually in Lotus Pier.
“A-Ling?” Jiang Cheng calls back, and not even a second later Jin Ling storms into the room, only to come to a very abrupt stop.
“What are you doing?” he demands to know and Jiang Cheng let’s his gaze wander over the boxes, wondering what Jin Ling must see.
“Cleaning out your room?” he gives back and watches as Jin Ling’s face falls before he manages to put a frown on his face.
“What? I’m no longer welcome here, now that I’m Sect Leader?” he demands to know and Jiang Cheng knows him well enough—knows himself well enough—to know that Jin Ling is using that kind of tone to hide any hurt feelings.
He really did pick up all of Jiang Cheng’s worst habits.
“I wanted to make more space for you, actually,” Jiang Cheng gives back and picks up some of the old robes he just put into the box. “I thought you would appreciate it if you could hang up stuff you’re actually going to wear instead of these old rags.”
“Oh,” Jin Ling gives back and Jiang Cheng relaxes when Jin Ling does too.
“I thought you were renting out my room,” Jin Ling gives back, almost too easily, and steps closer to the boxes, curiously peeking inside.
Jiang Cheng smiles slightly, reassured now that he knows Jin Ling still thinks of this room as his and he shakes his head.
“Brat,” Jiang Cheng fondly says. “I would never.”
Jin Ling makes an affirmative noise and digs an onesie out of the box. The very same one Jiang Cheng had hesitated over for so long.
“Don’t throw them away,” Jin Ling says and Jiang Cheng arches an eyebrow at him.
“Why not?” 
“Maybe we can still use them,” Jin Ling gives back and now Jiang Cheng fights the urge to check him for a fever.
“I’m not very likely to have any kids. I’m not going through that again,” Jiang Cheng says and Jin Ling shakes his head.
“No, but I might,” he says with a small blush but it doesn’t help with Jiang Cheng’s confusion.
“But they are going to wear gold, if you do,” Jiang Cheng tells him, because if Jin Ling has kids—and Jiang Cheng sincerely hopes that he will, if only so he can dote on them—they will be the next heirs, so they should wear their Sects colours.
“What?”
“They will be your kids. Of course they are going to wear gold,” Jiang Cheng repeats, the frown still on his face, and this time, Jin Ling shakes his head.
“They will be your grandkids. Of course they are going to wear purple, too,” Jin Ling gives back, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and totally catches Jiang Cheng off guard with that.
“Huh?” he eloquently asks as he blinks at Jin Ling.
“Gods, don’t be stupid, old man,” Jin Ling chides him.
“Careful, brat,” Jiang Cheng gives back, more out of habit than anything else.
“You’re going to be their ye-ye, how are other people supposed to know about that if they don’t wear purple?”
“Are you serious?” Jiang Cheng asks, because he can’t quite believe that.
“Of course I mean it,” Jin Ling gives back, already more concentrated on the robes in his hands than on Jiang Cheng.
“Actually—,” Jin Ling starts and carefully considers the robes. “I think I want some purple in my clothes again, too. It is quite the look.”
“We can—,” Jiang Cheng starts, but has to clear his throat before he can finish his sentence, “certainly do that.”
“Good,” Jin Ling nods and then beams at Jiang Cheng.
“What now?” Jiang Cheng wants to know, because he knows that look and it spells trouble for him.
“If you could get it on with Zewu-Jun and finally ask him to marry you, that would be awesome, so I don’t have to order new robes shortly after, just to put some blue into them as well,” Jin Ling cheekily says and Jiang Cheng hates how he blushes at those words.
“You little brat,” he still says, and catches Jin Ling in a headlock. “How dare you speak like that to me, I’m your elder! I’m going to break your legs, just wait!”
“I’d like to see you try,” Jin Ling wheezes, and doesn’t put up as much of a fight as Jiang Cheng knows he could.
“But I’d like to wear purple again,” Jin Ling says more quietly, once he stops struggling and Jiang Cheng lets go of him immediately.
“Truly?” Jiang Cheng asks, because he can hardly believe that. 
“Of course,” Jin Ling mutters. “You’re my jiu-jiu after all. And this is my home too, is it not?”
“Of course it is,” Jiang Cheng immediately gives back, and he could weep at the warm, glowing feeling in his chest.
“Then people should be able to see that from my colours,” Jin Ling decidedly says and lifts one of his old robes. “I really like this design.”
“We can have them made for you again,” Jiang Cheng agrees, because he rather likes that design as well.
And when his eyes fall on the onesie Jin Ling barely had time to wear, he wonders if they can’t incorporate the silk from that one into the new robes as well.
For nostalgic purposes.
Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!
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wand3ringr0s3 · 4 years
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honest man (fred weasley x reader)
Warnings: Fluffy af, a singular curse word
Honest man is next! I’m just so in love with Fred doing dumb things to get his crushes attention 
sing to me instead masterlist 
youtube
The last thing you thought would happen to you at Hogwarts was falling in love especially with someone like Fred Weasley. Everyone knew who he was. It was hard not to. His bright ginger hair stuck out in the crowd of students and if you didn’t see him then you would hear his loud obnoxious laugh echo throughout the great hall. He pissed you off to no end. He didn’t take anything seriously and he was constantly pulling pranks and jokes at the expense of others. Of course almost every girl in your year had a crush on him or his brother for at least a small amount of time. You had to hear all the mushy talk about him and the gossip about which girl Fred was with this week. If you had to hear about Fred’s “dreamy eyes” one more time you were going to break your quill. Of course this kind of behavior towards him caught his attention. Why? You had no idea. He had so many other girls chasing after him and yet he has his sights set on you.
One of the classes you shared with Fred was Transfiguration. Unfortunately for you Fred sat behind you meaning he had a perfect angle to tap on your shoulder or throw paper at you. After the 5th piece of rolled up parchment hits the back of your head you finally turn to yell at him. “Fred” you hiss turning in your seat to glare at him. “Yes?” he says putting on an innocent face. “What do you want?” you whisper angrily. “Didn’t you read the notes I sent you love?” He asks pointing to the paper on the ground around your chair. You fight the urge to slap that annoying smile off his face and turn around to face McGonangall. About 3 minutes after you turned around another ball of parchment lands on your desk. Sighing you unroll the paper and read what Fred so desperately wants to tell you.
You and me. Hogsmeade this weekend?
- Fred :)
You whip your head around to see Fred smiling at you. He gestures to the parchment in your hands and winks. Your blood boils with rage and your face flushes red. Taking our your wand you take a quick glance to make sure Mcgonagall wasn’t watching.
Incendio you mutter and light the parchment on fire.
You turn to Fred and flash him a smile before rolling your eyes and facing the away from him. Fred looks at you in shock while George looked like he was about to die from holding in his laughter. 
“Weasley!” Mcgonagall shouts catching both of their attention. “Pay attention. You can get rejected on your own time” 
The class bursts out into laughter as Fred turns red and sinks down in his seat. You can’t help but laugh along with the rest of the class as it was so rare to see Fred truly embarrassed. 
You thought that would be the end of it but nope.He kept pestering you with that dumb, stupid, cute, smile of his. You suspect it was Harry but someone introduced him to muggle pickup lines if you had to hear one more damn pun about your eyes you were going to scream.
 “Hey you wanna feel my robes? They’re made of boyfriend material” Fred says holding out his robes. You blush and turn and run away not even wanting to deal with Fred. 
“When are you gonna give it up Freddie?” George asks watching you run away. Fred frowns at another failed attempt to woo you. 
“Come on George. There’s something special about them. I’m not abouta give up just yet” he smiles and slaps George on the shoulder. 
After a week of non stop flirting you were about ready to do anything to get him to leave you alone. You hated how red your face became when ever he winked at you and how fuzzy he made your brain when he was around. You hate to admit it but you were falling for him hard. The last thing you ever wanted was to be another one of Fred Weasley’s ex girlfriends or another girl with a dumb crush on him. Just as fate would have it a familiar mop of red hair came into your view. He walks up to you ready to tell you yet another dumb pick upline. 
“Fred, What’s it going to take to get you to leave me alone?” you ask with a tired look on your face. He stops and widens his eyes at your bluntness. He thinks for a second before a wide grin breaks out on his face and his cocky attitude returns. 
“Go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend.One date that’s all I ask and if you haven’t fallen in love with me by the end I’ll leave you alone” He offers extending his hand. 
One date that’s all you had to get through and you could get rid of Fred and the little crush you had on him. You reach out and take his hand trying to ignore the butterflies that rose in your stomach. 
“Deal”
One date that’s all it was. At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.  You waited for Fred outside of the Great Hall. A million thoughts were flying through your head. Most of the thoughts being “Why did I agree to this?” and “Is it too late to back out now?” As Fred comes into view your heart beat quickens. 
“Ready love?” he asks holding out his arm for you to take. You nod and place your hand on his arm hesitatingly. 
“I don’t bite love” he leans closer to you sensing your nerves.
 “Unless you want me to that is?” he winks and starts leading you to Hogsmeade. He doesn’t look back at you but he sneaks a glance and smiles at the redness of your face. 
Prick. 
The date went surprising well. Fred was always a charming guy and it showed. He took you to zonko’s in order to stock up on a few prank items he promised George he’d get. 
“What’s this?” you ask holding up a weird metal contraption. Fred quickly takes it from your hand and puts it back in the bag. 
“That’s for me to know and you to never find out” He quickly shoves a few more items in his bag before paying for his things. You lead him to Honeydukes and stock up on some sweets. 
“I didn’t think you had such a sweet tooth” Fred says watching you stuff 5 chocolate frogs in your arms. 
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me Weasley” you tease which earns a laugh from Fred. The date ended with you two sitting under a tree on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. The shrieking shack was far into the distance. 
“Do you think its actually haunted?” you ask biting into a chocolate wand. 
“Don’t see why not, There’s a ghoul in the attic of my house” Fred says looking into the distance. 
You laugh but stop when you realize he was being serious. You didn’t know much about his family but you heard some of the things people said and they usually weren’t kind things. 
“You know this is my favorite spot here” Fred says picking at a flower on the ground. 
“I’m sure you take all your dates here” you say half jokingly. 
“Nah only you darling” He takes the flower from the ground and puts it in your hair. 
You sigh and look away. A part of you wanted to believe him. That you were special to him but you knew he was probably said that to every girl. 
“Hey” He grabs your chin and makes you look at him. 
“What’s wrong love?” his voice was so sincere it made your heart stop. You bite your lip and look anywhere else but his face. 
“Fred I. I can’t” You pull away from him. “Look Fred I really like you but I can’t, I won’t let myself fall in love with you” You blurt out. Fred’s face falls. A look of hurt flashes on his face. 
“What? Why?” Fred asks scrambling to his feet. 
“I know that you have tons of girls chasing after you and that after this you’re just going to get bored with me and move on to the next one” you wave your arms around in panic. 
You turn and look at Fred. He was. upset. Not the big outburst kind of upset but the quiet one. 
“Is that really what you think of me?” his voice was quiet. 
“No? I don’t. know. Maybe?” You stop and run your hands through your hair. 
“It’s just. The reputation you have it, scares me” you admit. 
“I really like you” Fred steps closer. The intense look in his eyes making you nervous. He puts his hands on your waist pulls you closer to him. 
“A lot of what you’ve heard are just rumors. I know that I’m not exactly the perfect person that you had in mind but, I promise you that I will love and care for you with all my heart” Fred says looking into your eyes. 
“So please, let me be there for you” He whispers. The raw emotion in Fred’s voice makes you melt.
 “Okay,” you say nodding. Fred smiles like you’ve never seen before. 
“I meant it before when I told you I’ve never taken anyone to this place before. Its peaceful and secluded enough for this” he leans in and captures your lips into a loving kiss. You swear your heart is going to burst out of your chest. 
“You’re really good at that” your mind is fuzzy from the kiss that you end up saying the first thing that comes to mind. Fred laughs and plants a kiss on your cheek. 
“Really? I think I could use some more practice?” You roll your eyes playfully as he gives you a needy look. 
Cheeky bastard. 
Smirking you take the collar of his shirt and pull him back into you.
“I think I can help you with that” 
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unprofessional-bard · 4 years
Text
Chapter 3 - To Have and to Hold
Losing My Religion Series Masterlist
Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist
Previous Chapter • Next Chapter
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader
Warnings: Depressive episodes + some suicidal thoughts... mostly angst but some fluff?? :")
Summary: The reader gets better and better each day, fitting better into her new life in Jackson, while Joel and Ellie continue their journey. The reader, after over five months, is greeted by unexpected visitors during patrol one day.
Word Count: 6.034. Grab a snack maybe?
Author's Note: As I mentioned in the previous chapter, I don't have PTSD or depression, but I do a lot of research about these mental illnesses before I write; once more, my last wish is to offend any of you, so my deepest apologies if I do! ! I do hope you like it!
Enjoy!
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"(Y/N), you up?" You heard Tommy's voice as he and Maria peeked into the room.
"Thanks to you, yes." The edges of your lips turned up, eyes still closed.
"You've been asleep for almost five hours, we got worried." Maria said. "Tommy wanted to talk to you."
You opened your eyes, watched Maria leave and Tommy sit on a chair beside your bed: "How you doin'?"
"No nightmares," You sighed and pulled yourself up and leaned your back on the wall. "The bed was pretty comfortable, I'd say my body's rested at least. You found Ellie?"
"Yeah, about that," Tommy scratched the back of his head. "We found her, she's alright but..."
It turned out that Ellie and Joel had been on the road for awhile and that Joel and Tess were tasked with carrying her across the country because she was a potential cure, a way to save humankind. Joel apparently wanted Tommy to take her to the Fireflies and convinced him to do so too, but just after they found Ellie and brought her back to town, Joel had a change of mind and took off with Ellie to Salt Lake City. You felt sick again, finding out that Ellie was immune and she was gone now, without saying a goodbye. You zoned out and stared at your hands resting on your lap.
"But uh, Maria arranged a house for you," Tommy smiled softly.
You nodded, still feeling numb and shocked: "Appreciate it..."
Tommy reached out and gave a firm squeeze to your shoulder: "They're going to be okay, (Y/N)... Now Maria told me what kind of a bond you shared with Ellie and I know you're upset, but she's capable of taking care of herself. Now Joel, much of an asshole he is- he's going to protect Ellie and they're gonna be just fine. They'll be back, don't you worry."
You nodded again and looked at him when he told you to get up so he can show you around and to your new house.
It had been so long since you'd seen lights and so many people together, people who didn't attack or yell orders at each other. They were just happy, minding their own businesses and, according to Tommy, headed to the 'theatre'. But for some reason you couldn't truly feel happy about it- getting a random headache instead. You could really use another nap right now.
"Here you go," Tommy led you to a small, cabin-like house. There was a salon and a kitchen to the left, and a bathroom and small living room to the right and right across the hallway, a bedroom; there was also a small balcony and garden connected to the bedroom. You couldn't have asked for anything more from neither Maria nor Tommy. "Take a bath and get rid of your clothes - Maria got you some new ones. We're going to have dinner in an hour or so, I'll send a guy to pick you up. That okay?"
"Yeah," you sucked your lips in and sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. "Thank you Tommy. Really-"
"Don't mention it," Tommy patted your arm. "Think of this as a repayment from that last time, or just... humanly behaviour, you choose."
You sighed and felt your eyes water again, quickly wiping it with your palm.
"I'll leave you to it," Tommy said and walked away. You gulped and let out a shaky breath, entering your new house and closing the door. You walked around slowly, taking short looks at the rooms as you approached your new bedroom. Maria had left a pair of jeans, which at first looked too small for you, a black undershirt with black, normal panties along with a dark red, turtleneck sweater. They smelled as if they were fresh out of a washing machine. You dropped your backpack on the floor next to your bed, then lurked back to the bathroom to start the water.
You came back to the bedroom to take out some stuff from your backpack when you noticed a note left on the bed next to the sweater:
Hey! I hope these clothes are okay. Neither of us knew what size you wear, so I took a few guesses and, if they don't fit you or if they're too warm/cold, just let me or Tommy know and I'll try to find something else for you. You can put your dirty clothes in the bin outside the entrance, someone will come and pick them up. I hope you like it here :)
Maria
You smiled briefly, then picked up the gas lamp on your nightstand (which worked with a candle) and put the note under it. Your fingertips lingered on the lamp as you felt a great amount of guilt and grief settle in you. I don't deserve this, you thought to yourself and bit your bottom lip to stop it from quivering.
Too much to think about...
Too many people to grieve...
You almost forgot about the bathtub and went back to the bathroom, to find it almost completely filled. You saw a pink soap at the edge of the bathtub which you didn't notice- or forgot? Whatever, there was a goddamn soap you could clean yourself with.
You took off your clothes and threw them into a pile and slowly dipped yourself in the warm water, sighing at the contact. Dry blood immediately changed the colour of the water a little but you couldn't bring yourself to wash your body just yet. Instead, you pulled your legs to your chest, wrapped your arms around them and placed your chin on your knees. This gave you a moment to think: To think about everything you've done, everything you've seen, everything you've been through; Why me? I don't deserve this. were the only words echoing through your mind, convinced that you truly didn't deserve to be alive. Your chest felt really tight all of a sudden and you forced yourself to calm down again, only to remember that you can cry, sob, whine and grieve your loved ones now. You were safe and sound, no one was around and you didn't have to stay strong for anyone anymore. You could put your guard down and be fragile, like a porcelain doll.
Tears began streaming down your face.
You closed your eyes tightly, pulled your knees closer and held your arms tighter as you bewailed; like you'd simply die if you dared hold it in any longer.
Felicity... Kurt... Maxim... Amanda... Robin and Cole...
They deserve this- they deserve a good life, I don't.
I let them down, get them all killed and get a fucking reward for it? Unbelievable.
Your fingers brushed your hair back as you cried and whined, leaning back on the wall to your right. You covered your face with both of your hands, dry blood around your body dissolving into the water in the meanwhile.
You had no idea how long you'd been crying, but you immediately stopped when there was a knock on the door.
"(Y/N), sorry to bother you," It was Maria. "I brought you some shoes, socks and some other stuff I thought you might need."
Your chin trembled as you panicked in the tub, water now cold: "I- I'm in the bath right now!"
"Okay, I'll just-" You heard the door open after you noticed how your voice cracked. "I'm leaving these here... are you alright?"
"Yeah," you nodded, wiping your tears aimlessly. "Is someone gonna come grab me for dinner or are you it?"
"Oh, no, there's still less than half an hour. I'll send someone when the time comes, don't worry."
"Okay- erm, thank you," You replied and she left with a sincere not a problem.
You started washing yourself with the soap, which felt really nice. You were actually going to smell nice for a change. It took you around ten minutes to wash yourself whole. Although you were still hurt and sad, Maria's brief presence had unintentionally calmed you down and you convinced yourself that it was enough for one day. You now had the rest of your life set in front of you, you could practically grieve whenever you wanted, right?
You dried yourself with the towels beside the sink, wrapping your head with one of them as you got dressed. Your wrists were healed for the most part, leaving behind marks which would be the reminder of your survival, but they didn't sting anymore. Now you had to worry about your waist which surprisingly didn't hurt as much. Probably because of the proper treatment and medicine you were provided with.
The weather was cold and the day was going darker by the minute. You put on every piece of clothing that were given to you, grabbing the stuff Maria left for you off the ground and finally dropping on the bed, laying down on your back, arms spread across the mattress. You suddenly had this terrible feeling that you were going to have trouble sleeping alone at night: Back in your FEDRA days, you always shared a bunk or a room with your teammates, always slept around a fire together when you were out of the base. There was always someone with you, which made you sleep better even in your worst days. Before you came here, you didn't have your friends but you had Ellie... and Joel.
Oh how you had missed them already.
The worst part was, you almost didn't know anybody here. Tommy was the closest person you could call a friend and you didn't even want to talk about Maria. As sincere as she was, you got to know her just today. You felt uncomfortable sharing your story with her, you knew you'd feel even more uncomfortable when it came to sharing your emotions.
You didn't realise a few tears had forced their way out of your closed eyelids and down your face until there was a knock on your door.
"Uh, hello? Maria sent me to come and get you..." You heard a deep voice laced with a southern accent, which reminded you of Joel's a little but it wasn't as heavy as his.
"Yup, coming," you huffed and got up, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hands.
You were really torn between wanting to be alone and wanting company, so you decided to let other people take over.
You also grabbed Kurt's knife before you went to the door, just in case.
"Uh, hi there," The man greeted you. You felt like you'd seen him before but you weren't sure. He was tall and slender, a lot taller than you were; he had dark red, wavy hair and green eyes, freckles splattered around his face and forearms. Looking into more detail, he had a tall, turn-up nose, light facial hair and lips which reminded you of a model's - they weren't chapped and they were quite plump. His cheeks and nose were reddened, probably because of the cold but his lips had a natural redness to them.
"Hi," you sighed, taken aback. "I'm, uh, (Y/N)."
"I know. I'm Walt," He smiled softly and handed a piece of cloth over to you. "Maria told me she didn't have a jacket with a hood, that I should bring this so you could cover your hair."
It was a slouch beanie with a pompom attached to it. Your face scrunched up, you never thought you'd be wearing these and you didn't want to, but your hair was wet and you really weren't in the mood to add more to your headache.
"Uh, thank you." You muttered awkwardly and put the beanie on.
"Here," Walt reached out for the beanie, making you flinch. "It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you..." He smiled sincerely and adjusted the beanie. "Better. Shall we?"
"Let's," you sighed, not really knowing what to say to him. He was quite handsome, you were expecting someone old and grumpy to come get you, not a cute guy with-
Cute?!
Goddammit.
"It's nice to see a new face," Walt commented, putting his hands in his jean's pockets. "Maria told me you were spec ops- I never thought I'd meet another outside a QZ."
You halted and looked at him: "You're spec ops too?"
"Yup, that's why she sent me, thought maybe you'd need someone who relates to you?" Walt explained. He visibly tensed when you didn't respond: "I'm sorry, was I too forward?"
"Oh- not at all, I'm just surprised is all. Where did you come from?" You asked as you two kept walking.
"I was born in Denver, grew up and enlisted there too. I served under FEDRA in Denver for a few years before being sent to Boston... What a pain in the ass."
"Yeah, I was in Boston for- ever. I knew I'd seen you somewhere." You sniffed and tried to smile.
"Boston was hell," He groaned. "We were new and there was this team, they were looking for new recruits and I wanted to sign up, I don't know what I was thinking but..."
"Oh," you sighed loudly, looking at the ground. "I know, some stupid sonofabitch named Gabe 'bought' his way in."
"You were at the training too?" Walt asked, surprised.
"I..." You tried to speak and get over with it, but decided to take your time. "I was uh, I was the team's leader."
This time Walt stopped: "Get outta town."
"I'm serious," you gave him an apologetic smile, reaching for your knife in your pocket slowly.
"I'm- I'm sorry," he let out an awkward laugh. "I thought you were the person who picked the new recruit, I might have cursed a little too much behind your back."
This time you laughed too, relaxing: "Oh it's fine. They never really liked me at the Boston QZ, I do have a fair share of curses on my behalf."
Just when the both of you chuckled, Maria opened the door. When did you even arrive?
"Perfect timing!" She smiled. "We were just about to eat, come in."
"After you," Walt took a step behind and motioned for you to go in. You smiled and walked in, Maria sending a quick wink your way before Walt could see and you just rolled your eyes.
There was a big table and three men sat around it, Tommy across them. They were filling their plates with, by god, delicious looking food. Tommy waved at you and you smiled as the three of you sat down around the table, Maria at your right and Walt on your left.
"This is (Y/N)," Tommy introduced you. "(Y/N), these men are the leads of our patrol. I wanted you to meet them because I reckoned you might wanna do patrols, is that okay?"
"Well," you sighed. "I know a couple of more things other than how to shoot a gun, y'know."
"That so?" Tommy grinned. "If you wanna do something else, that's fine. But I still want you to get to know them. You already met Walt, but not sure if you remember him..."
Eugene Linden. Of course you remembered him.
"Eugene?" Your eyes widened.
"Hi there, commander," he tipped an invisible hat your way and smiled.
"Goddamn," you sighed with a grin and chuckled. Then, simultaneously: "Still not dead, huh?"
Eugene and Tommy were absolutely despised and were the talk of the base when you were sent to Denver for duty. You had mixed feelings toward them at first -well, you were sent to kill them after all- but not because you followed orders blindly, because of the attacks and the terror caused by them. They were reckless and they killed civilians, you weren't sure if they were the promise keeping type.
You were outnumbered and genuinely scared that you may not get to see another day (not that you wanted to anyway) so you changed tactics and surrendered. You promised them that you'd help them escape FEDRA in return of your team's and civilian safety. They kept their promise but a few months later, both of them left the Fireflies and you were sent back to Boston. You never saw either again until now.
A night went by with no stressing out over when or how you were going to be attacked. You already made 'friends' with the lead patrol men: All of them were army men, Walt being the only spec ops. You already knew Eugene and Tommy and were now acquainted with Walt and Maria. The other men, Robert and Bruce seemed to like you too; Robert was around Eugene's age, you assumed as he looked a little old but Bruce was around your age, maybe younger.
Tommy walked you back home, as much as Maria secretly tried to make Walt your escort, you didn't mind him.
"How are you liking it so far?" Tommy started as soon as you were outside and on the way back to your house.
"I- I absolutely have no words, Tommy. I can't thank you both enough, I guess I owe you one?"
"Stop with that nonsense," Tommy chuckled. "Those days are over, you're not a FEDRA puppet and I'm not a 'terrorist' anymore... Those days are behind us. Let's focus on what we have now."
"You're right," you nodded, stuffing your hands in your pockets. "It's just- I want you to know how grateful I am for the both of you... I don't deserve this, you know?"
Tommy gave you a worried look when your voice wavered a little: "'Course you do, don't say that stuff now..."
Tommy turned to you under a streetlight and held your shoulders: "You deserve this more than anyone, (Y/N). Joel told me about what happened to your team and I am truly sorry for that-" You sniffed and tried to hold back your tears to no avail. "Hey, hey, it's alright... Look, even without after everything you've gone through, you deserve this. Everyone stuck in this world survivin' does."
"But I'm the reason they're dead!" You sobbed: "If I was faster, none of them would've been captured! If I had been more careful-!"
"(Y/N)!" Tommy shook you. "None of that was your fault, you hear me? I know you think it is but it ain't. I'm sure that if they could, they'd be the ones to give you this life. You were a good leader, you treated them kindly and helped everyone out- even your enemies. I know that as much as you want to trade places with them... what's happened, happened. It's gonna take some time, but you're gonna have to come to terms with it and move on. One way or another."
"I know," you whimpered. "I know but, I never had the time to... I didn't even get to bury them. They're out there, rotting in an old building and I'm here, eating actual food and taking a bath. With a soap."
"Well, if that's what you're worrying about," Tommy dropped his hands to his sides and began walking with a grin. "I can assure you they're in a far better place right now than you could ever be, alive."
You stared at him walk away slowly and let his words sink in. He was right, they no longer had to deal with the bullshit this world had to offer anymore. They were properly resting now.
Although it was a nice first night you spent there and as much as Tommy's words left an impression on you, the moment he said goodnight and you closed your door, a feeling of uneasiness settled in you. Sitting at the table with your new neighbours itself pained you at first, reminding you of your team... Your family...
You still struggled to believe this place was real. There was actually a place for you, a place amongst lovely people who had no bad intentions toward you. There was a new life for you here, you knew you had to move on from your past one, but you also knew it wasn't just going to happen over night. There was still so much guilt in you. And, well, the attack today didn't really help your hopes for this place, you knew better than anyone that all good things come to an end.
But that didn't mean that you wouldn't fight to keep this place going as far as it could.
----
"Aw man," Ellie sighed as Joel finished explaining the basics of baseball to her. "I wonder if (Y/N) ever played it."
Joel's expression relaxed and turned into a thoughtful one. He thought about you, wondered if you were okay and how you were getting along with his brother and the others in Jackson. He was mad at himself for getting angry at you for no reason and he knew, if he ever went back to Jackson, he'd have to make it up to you.
----
Your first few weeks went by resting and helping everyone with everything as much as your wounds allowed. You were fatigued and didn't really want to talk to anyone but Tommy and Maria, who checked up on you almost twice a day when you didn't show up for too long. You were mostly in bed, either doing nothing or sleeping. You had constant headaches and refused to take medications because you didn't want them to think there was something wrong, but sometimes you'd get sick to your stomach from not eating. You lost weight in your first week and a half which didn't escape Maria. You kept complaining about how you couldn't get used to sitting in bed and doing little to nothing for hours, your sleep schedule was absolutely fucked but you also didn't have the energy to get up. You were alone by yourself most of the time which didn't help and by your second week, Maria and the lady from the nursery, Katherine, who was apparently a medic, insisted she did a check up on you.
"I'm no psychologist, but I think she's depressed." Katherine had said when you had fainted because you got up too fast after your examination. "I read a book on it some time ago and she has most of the symptoms... Someone needs to keep an eye on her- she can't stay alone. She's grieving and she's going to need help going through it."
Maria had nodded with sad eyes, uncertain about what to do and Tommy held his wife as they looked at your sleeping form. Your face was way skinnier comparing to when you first arrived in Jackson.
"She doesn't just need a companion per se," Katherine had whispered. "We, as a community have to look after each other and will look after her too, but she barely talks to anyone other than you two. She needs to be more involved with us."
Maria's brows raised: "We can sign her up to patrols with the boys for a start. I'll pair her up with Walt, they seemed to be getting along."
"Well," Tommy had sighed, hands on his hips. "We could try the school? She always had a soft spot for children, maybe it'll help distract her for the most part."
"Offer her whatever you want, but just do it." Katherine nodded worriedly. "And make her eat, for god's sake. She won't survive like this any longer."
----
"You gotta tell me what to do!" Ellie panicked as Joel's vision began fading. "Come on, you gotta get up! Joel?"
Shit, what would (Y/N) do? Joel finally heard Ellie ask herself before he let the darkness take over his pale body. Really though, what would've you done if you were with them right now?
Joel thought back to the time where he was wrapping up your wrists in that house where you all took a shower. How you didn't even flinch when he applied the alcohol and just kept calm through every situation for the whole month you all travelled together. He thought about that one time where you treated a wound on his leg. It was just a bullet which whizzed through the side of his calf, not doing much damage but it still hurt a little. You had attended to it without any complaints.
"This won't take a minute, just sit down and let me handle it," You insisted. Ellie was already passed out on the couch in the next room. "If it gets infected you're never gonna stop bitching about it. Sit. Down."
"Yes ma'am," Joel's brows furrowed at your demanding tone. He sat on the ground and extended his leg on the floor. You carefully rolled the sleeve of his pants up and cleaned the wound.
"Come now, it's over, see?" You smiled gently when he hissed, then wrapped a bandage around his calf. Joel just nodded with an almost displeased look as you got up and moved to go to the other room to check on Ellie.
"Uh, (Y/N)?" Joel turned around before you disappeared into the next room. You gave him a quizzical look by the door: "Thank you."
You just smiled at him genuinely and somewhat shyly, then walked away.
----
You got more used to your new life each day, a full month had passed but you still struggled to come to terms with yourself; but there were some improvements too. You began eating more (by your own will) and you were just a little confused at why you were surrounded by people all the time, except for when you were in your house or at the makeshift gym with a lack of tools. You had only fainted once, it had to be about that, otherwise you were way past the welcoming phase. You still thought often of Ellie... and Joel. And Felicity and others. You found yourself crying some nights, but most nights you felt numb. You missed all your companions dearly - you knew you'd be with them sooner or later.
Walt had turned out to be excellent company, although you were sure his old patrol partner Bruce wasn't entirely fond of you anymore, with you made into Walt's new partner. You usually didn't go outside the walls as there weren't too many infected in the area, but now with you guarding the walls with them, the raids started to take less of a toll on the residents of Jackson. You were liked and your presence was appreciated, something you couldn't really bring yourself to believe.
Tommy and Maria were understanding of your condition and, as much as you had insisted otherwise, they urged you to stay at their place from time to time when you weren't feeling too well. You were grateful for them and for everything they had done to make you feel better while adapting to life in Jackson.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months as Jackson developed further into an actual town. Although winter was harsh on the people, a true sense of community had settled into everyone living there. Diners and schools were built by the end of January and more shops like tailors were being built every day.
Walt and you, on the other hand, were a different story. He was so calm and cool and you couldn't help but get flustered whenever he was around. He treated you nicely, with a more welcoming manner and he was an outright gentleman. The small compliments he'd give you, the way he'd make you laugh... You weren't sure how he'd react if you opened up to him though, so you kept it to yourself.
A better developed relationship comparing to yours and Joel's, you thought. You wondered then how he was doing, if he was even alive and all that.
----
"It's okay, it's me- it's me." Joel turned Ellie around as she tried to get out of his grip. "It's me, look..."
Ellie gasped, taking in a shaky breath as Joel held her face between his hands, like that time you had an attack before reaching Jackson.
"He tried to-" Ellie sobbed, struggling to speak, then Joel pulled and pressed her shaking body against his chest.
"Oh, baby girl..." Joel whispered as he held her close, heart breaking over and over again at her state; the situation they were in reminding him of Sarah over and over again but there was nothing he could do. He had already lost one daughter and he knew, then and there, that he wasn't going to lose Ellie too.
----
With April's arrival, many pretty flowers you had never seen before (or didn't remember seeing pre-outbreak) blossomed throughout the town. Your garden was quite colourful, which brought joy to you. After the cloudy, gray winter days, you greatly appreciated the sun with occasional showers. The weather was mostly chill and windy but not like it was back in January. You had made amazing process with your health conditions - it wasn't perfect but process was still process. Walt had been of great help, talking about your past experiences and venting to each other from time to time had brought you two even closer. He was requested to look after you by Maria and Tommy, but he didn't mind and gladly did so.
Speaking of Tommy: One night while the three of you had dinner, you helped Tommy clean the dishes while Maria went out to give the leftovers to some newborn puppies. Joel was made the topic of your conversation all of a sudden and he revealed a very upsetting detail about Joel's past.
"He," Tommy began, gulping. "He used to have a daughter. Sarah."
You stopped washing the plate in your hands and gave him a look, his movements slowing down as a great set of dark clouds settled over him: "On the outbreak day, the three of us were in a car and it crashed. Sarah broke her leg, so Joel carried her. We ran but Joel and I got separated, when I reached them..."
Tommy sighed through his nose: "Sarah passed away in his arms... I'm thinking, maybe that's why he changed his mind about Ellie? He's- he won't tell you this, but I just thought you should now."
You just nodded with a worried look on your face. After finishing the dishes, Tommy went to their room while you waited on the couch in their living room. He came back with a small frame in his hands: "That's her..."
It was a picture of Joel and Sarah which appeared to be taken after a football match. They both looked so happy, your expression softened immediately and your heart broke: "How old was she?"
"Twelve, I think," Tommy nodded as you examined the picture. "She would've been a whole grownup by now."
Your eyes widened at Joel and Sarah's age gap: "He was so young when he had her..."
"High-school sweethearts," Tommy shook his head and smiled bitterly. "I had no idea what was goin' on. I was around her age when I found out my brother was gonna get married and that I was gonna be an uncle. I don't really remember those times but, Joel managed fine on his own after Sarah's mother left."
You never could've imagined this was the brothers' story before the outbreak: "You miss him, don't you?"
"Me? Miss Joel?" Tommy mocked offence as you handed the frame back to him. "Nah, never... Anyways, he could be back any day, might as well enjoy it before he becomes a pain in my ass again."
You had both laughed about it, but you knew he was worried about Joel and that he missed him. They were pretty close, although worldviews separated them, they were still brothers who cared for each other.
You had also built up the nerve to confess your feelings to Walt. Maria was great at encouragement, so with a deep breath, one night after a patrol in the woods, you knocked on his door:
"Oh, hi there Dolly," Walt smiled. He was looking rather handsome today - as if he put in extra effort to his looks. He looked like as if he was about to go out.
"Oh stop calling me that," You smiled shyly. "I sing once and suddenly I have a new name..."
"It suits you though," he smiled charmingly. "Hey, you'll never guess where I'm about to go right now."
"I'd say on a date, but-"
"Ding ding ding!" He chuckled excitedly. "You know Bonnie, right? She invited me over to her place for dinner."
You just stared, utterly dumbfounded.
"It's a little awkward, I should've been the one to ask her out, but I guess she got tired of waiting!"
She got tired of waiting and shot her shot... and succeeded.
"Oh," you nodded, quickly regaining your composure. "Uh, that's nice- when did you two even get that close?"
"Well," he closed the door to his house, making you take a step back. "You should pull your head out of work from time to time. You've been working so much, you may have missed it."
He smiled genuinely: "Anyways, I have to go now. I'm afraid I can't escort you back this time, I'm running late. You're okay though, right? I hope you didn't come all this way for something important?"
You nodded, words stuck at your throat, then he gave you a brief hug: "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, goodnight!"
You just stood there and watched him leave, mouth agape, hopeless and disappointed.
"So?" Maria asked as you rested your chin on your hand, frowning at your plate. The both of you were having breakfast on your back yard: "How did it go?"
"He's seeing someone else," You sighed after an unnerving moment of silence and put your fork through your food.
"Oh," Maria's excited expression dropped. "Are you sure?"
"He said he was on his way to Bonnie's when I went over to his place."
You both sat in silence, your expression was soft but as much as you tried to hide it, there was a hint of sadness in your eyes. I got everything I didn't deserve after moving here, maybe I pushed my luck too much. You weren't angry, just disappointed.
"He said it himself," You chuckled. "Bonnie apparently got too tired of waiting for him to make a move, so she took matters into her own hands. I was too slow."
"Don't say that," Maria reached for your hand but didn't touch it. "How could've you known? Even I didn't notice they had a thing going on."
"It's okay," you forced a smile and took her hand in yours. "Maybe it wasn't the right time."
Maria was happy that you weren't taking it too heavily - you knew you'd have another chance. After breakfast, you both went your separate ways. Walt greeted you at the stairs which led up to the walls, your heart skipping a beat when you saw him - it was anxious skip however, you were not excited to see him.
"So," You forced a smile as you approached him. "How was your night?"
"Pretty good, thank you," he smirked as you two climbed up.
"Just pretty good? Tell me more!" You laughed. The situation was odd, but he didn't have to know.
"Well," he smiled like a teenage boy after his first ever date with his date. "We began with dinner. She had cooked the most amazing meal- You should definitely eat some too, I suggested that the three of us should have dinner sometime and she's totally down."
You flinched as you approached the notebook on the counter then wrote down your names, your back to him as you felt like jumping off the side of the wall and into a hole where the ground would swallow you whole rather than having dinner with them.
"Yeah, we'll see, I don't wanna be a burden on your new girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend, Dolly, she's-"
"Stay where you are!" You suddenly heard Cedric, one of the patrolman who's shift was over, shout.
"Hold it!" You yelled at Cedric from where you were, then immediately ran out to where he was, Walt behind you. Your heart dropped when you saw the duo who were stood by Jackson's doors.
No way.
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imagitory · 4 years
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Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker review [SPOILERS]
Hey, everybody! So I just got back from seeing the newest Star Wars and...whew, am I tired!
For those of you who want a spoiler-free review, I’ll just say that there’s a reason people are so split about this movie. In some ways, I could argue that TRoS is trying to be its own stand-alone thing, and it does so by shoving in way too many plot beats and new characters without enough development or even a satisfactory conclusion for them...and yet at the same time, it tries so hard to evoke the original trilogy like The Force Awakens did, whether through iconography, cameos, or other kinds of fanservice. To put it very simply, if you disliked The Last Jedi, you might come out enjoying this more, since this movie and its director clearly shared your view, but even if The Last Jedi is a flawed film, I feel it still ended up having better direction, character arcs, and storytelling than this film did.
For those of you who don’t fear spoilers...journey on.
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The Good!
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+Just like in the other installments in this new trilogy, there were some great action moments. I liked when Kylo and Rey were fighting over the First Order ship with the Force, pulling it back and forth like they had previously done with Anakin’s lightsaber. Poe’s lightspace jumping in the Millennium Falcon was a cool trick, and I actually really enjoyed the short suspenseful bit with Poe, Finn, Rey, and the droids sneaking around in the wintry planet Kijimi, too.
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+The trick at the end where Rey passed Kylo Anakin’s lightsaber through the Force and the two battled side-by-side while in different locations was neat. I might’ve liked to see that trick used differently (see below), but it was still really cool.
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+Poe and Finn were acting like SUCH boyfriends during this entire movie. I don’t care how much “NO HOMO” J.J. tried to slap on these guys in the script (and I’ll discuss that in a minute), these two were friggin’ boyfriends and that was canon, end of story.
+I liked that Leia was able to mentor Rey, and Leia’s death was appropriately sad. It felt like I was mourning Carrie all over again, especially since we’re so close to the anniversary of her death.
+It was kind of cool to see Luke’s old X-Wing again. I might’ve had it reappear in a different way, but it was still cool.
+Rey hearing all of the Jedi in her head for the first time when she was facing Palpatine at the end was great. I might’ve pushed it further and made it more visually interesting, but I’ll get to that in the more negative section.
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+For all of the rather unnecessary fanservice, there were a few music cues that really worked -- namely, the Imperial March echo when Rey arrived in the old throne room on the Death Star, Leia’s theme upon her death, and the Jedi theme when Poe saw the fleet of reinforcements arriving.
The Not-So-Good...
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+The Reylo-ness of it all. *dodges knives* OKAY. LISTEN --
If you’re a Reylo shipper, then good for you. I mean that sincerely. But I’m sorry, I am convinced that this ending could only have been satisfying to you if you were on the Reylo ship from the very start due to your own personal shipping preferences, because there is NOTHING in the films that justifies the powerful emotional bond that these two supposedly share. Rey and Kylo only met two movies ago, and in both movies, Kylo showed no interest in improving himself and being a better person. None. I don’t care if Rey “sensed” goodness in him -- that is a terrible, weak short-cut for a writer to use, to tell us that Kylo is good without showing it to us. We still see him slaughter people en masse in the very first scene of this movie. We still see him trying to force Rey to join him, even if it puts the people she cares about in danger. We still see him hooking up with Palpatine -- FRIGGIN’ PALPATINE -- after he’d only just rid himself of Snoke. I don’t care if Kylo thinks he can get rid of Palpatine like he did with Snoke -- I don’t care if he’s conflicted and worried about Rey -- we the audience see no evidence that Kylo has truly changed his ways and is worth saving. Leia SACRIFICED HER LIFE to try to help him -- for what?? I know she’s his mother, but I’m sorry, Leia: if your husband couldn’t save your son from himself, why would you be able to? Why didn’t you almost dying in The Last Jedi not affect your son more, if he really cared? Why was calling his name all you had to do? Why didn’t you do that before he started killing all these people? Because it wasn’t dramatically convenient? Because he was fighting Rey at that exact moment and the writers needed to find a way to end that action scene that otherwise could’ve ended with either Rey or Kylo dying? And I’m sorry, but this whole storyline resulted in the one thing I’d dreaded more than anything would happen in a story that shipped these two -- Rey became a tool to Kylo’s redemption. Rather than standing apart as someone with no legacy who builds her own through being a good, noble person, she became defined by her familial and romantic relationships more than she was by her actions. I know Rey ended up defeating Palpatine in the end, but most of her screentime still ended up devoted to her “bond” with Kylo Ren and showed how her love brought him back to the Light. Because seriously, screw the love Kylo’s parents showed him, or Luke showed him -- all they did was sacrifice themselves trying to help him while also standing by their morals and never being tempted to fall like Kylo did -- no, only Rey could’ve brought him back to the side of Good.
And before any of you even try to wave the Sith Lord of my Heart, Darth Vader, in my face, as Snoke said in The Last Jedi, Kylo Ren is no Vader. Vader was tethered to the Empire and to the Emperor, thanks to the injuries he sustained on Mustafar that left him trapped inside his mechanical suit -- if he’d left the Empire, he would’ve died, and on top of all that, he’d already lost his entire family and turned everyone he’d ever cared about -- who were all Jedi -- against him by falling to the Dark Side. Vader had been Anakin -- a slave who was bought out of enslavement by the Jedi, who then turned around and taught him to -- to borrow a phrase -- “conceal, don’t feel,” even if it meant turning a blind eye to the death of his wife and unborn child. Kylo Ren turned to the Dark Side because...honestly? WE NEVER GET A GOOD ANSWER. The best I can get from the films is that Kylo Ren was manipulated by Snoke, who went on and on about how powerful Kylo was and how he should use that power to “bring order to the galaxy” and stuff like that, and then one night Luke held a lit lightsaber over his head for a minute. That justifies falling to the Dark Side and slaughtering all the wittle Jedi? No! And yet Kylo never once has to grapple with what he did -- he never has to make amends. He’s just forgiven, like that! And although Vader likewise never got the chance to make amends, his sacrifice means more than Kylo’s because Vader, through his sacrifice, finally learned the true meaning of love after an entire lifetime of knowing so little of it. The only people who had ever loved Anakin either died or left him -- Kylo always had people who were willing to forgive him, and he spat in their faces. Vader had no one, until his son discovered who he was and tried to reach out to him. And when he reached out, Vader didn’t stab him through the chest or immediately brand him with the murder of his evil master -- Vader followed orders and brought Luke before the Emperor, yes, but when Luke was about to die, Vader saved him.
Kylo Ren’s story could not and SHOULD NOT be Vader’s story, so giving him the same ending is completely unjustified and mismatched with the story being told. Even if the story of a girl and a guy saving each other with “the power of love” was somehow equal in emotional resonance to that of a son trying to reconnect with his father and his father sacrificing his life to save him, that story of a guy and a girl was not built up properly, as we never get much backstory about why Kylo fell, much action on his part to acknowledge his mistakes, or rationale for why we should care about him despite what a terrible person he was and still is. He cares about Rey -- great! Does he care about the Resistance? Leia? Luke? Han? Lando? Chewie? ANYBODY excluding himself and Rey? Han as a Force Ghost at one point suggests that Leia will never die as long as they remember what she stood for -- since when is that something KYLO REN ever cared about?! Leia DESPISED the Empire and Darth Vader, and yet Kylo Ren and the First Order have done nothing but wrap themselves up in their rhetoric and iconography!
On that note, though, I will acknowledge that Kylo Ren, as a character, has always given me certain troubling real-world-like vibes, and that may be part of the reason why it really infuriates me that the movie tried to redeem him. Kylo Ren is a privileged young man from a respected, powerful family who embraces and romanticizes the atrocities of a previous generation, resents others (rather appropriately, a young woman and black man with no greatness in their family names) for taking what should be “rightfully his,” and vows to bring things back to when that previous evil institution was in its full glory -- isn’t that exactly what modern alt-right Neo-Nazi types do? Romanticize the Third Reich and the Klan and wrap themselves up in their supposed “glory,” while being nothing but a pale, pathetic, anger-driven imitation? Even if you don’t personally see Kylo the same way I do, I hope you will at least respect that -- given this lens I see the character through -- it makes sense why I dislike any attempt to give this character sympathy.
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+ *inhales heavily* ...Rey...is a Palpatine. *groans in aggravation* J.J., ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Did you not get why Rian Johnson made Rey’s backstory the way he did, or were you just so in-line with anti-TLJ fans that you wanted to spit in his face in film-form? I know a lot of people were pissed off when Rey was determined to be a “nobody” after what felt like hints of a more developed backstory in TFA, but I seriously can’t help but think that those people missed the point. Rey being a nobody and yet being talented in the Force fixed the whole problem brought up by the Midiclorians in the prequel trilogy -- namely, the thought that you can only be born special, because of your genes. With Rey not being a Kenobi, or a Skywalker, or a Palpatine, it says, “Yes -- you don’t need to have been born special. Anyone can tap into the Force, because it is everything, as are we.” This is even why it’s hinted in previous movies (and once or twice in this movie, though it doesn’t go anywhere) that Finn is Force-sensitive -- Finn, a ex-Stormtrooper! But by turning Rey into a Palpatine all along, J.J. has once again made the Force only something that a select few can tap into -- only special people can have the power needed to stand up to evil. Sure, ordinary people like Poe and Finn can blow things up, but only special people like the Skywalkers and the Palpatines can stop the Sith from destroying the entire rebellion. Instead of this being a story about a girl who had no legacy and yet earned the title of heir to the Skywalker legacy purely through her noble heart and selfless deeds, this became a story of two people -- one from a good family and one from an evil family -- having to come together to deal with their family drama and save the galaxy. Maybe some people wanted to see that from the start, but frankly I didn’t, and even if that story could’ve been told well, it was not the story that we were set up to watch, after we saw The Last Jedi. It also irritates me because of how much the film tries to play Rey’s parents SELLING HER ON JAKKU as them “saving her” from Palpatine. I call BULL. Even Luke was only “saved” from Vader by being given to relatives on a backwater planet -- Rey’s parents ABANDONED her. If you thought that Frozen 2 retconning Elsa and Anna’s parents’ attitudes toward Elsa’s magic was problematic, whoa, boy, have a gander at this. (I actually kind of like Agnarr and Iduna as individual characters in Frozen 2, but I actively have to distance Frozen from its sequel because of canon discrepancies like this.) Rey’s parents didn’t need to have a “good reason” for dropping her off on Jakku -- this film even acknowledges that Rey’s real family is the family she found: Finn, Poe, BB-8, Chewie, Leia, and the Resistance. Rey’s parents could’ve been assholes. Many people’s parents are assholes. Rey is not their child anymore: she is a Skywalker, and that’s all that matters.
+Oh yeah, and speaking of The Last Jedi, NOTHING matches up in this. J.J. literally wrote two complete movies and shoved them together in this one in a vain attempt to completely retcon the last film. Poe earning back his position in the rebellion after learning a lesson about not always barreling into danger without thinking? His character arc has vanished and he shows no more talent for strategy or leadership than he did before. Rey only seeing herself when she was looking for her family? Nope, turns out she was a Palpatine all along: the Force was just trolling her, I guess. Kylo accusing Rey of killing Snoke? Doesn’t come up at all. The young boy using the Force to pick up the broom? Never appears. The signal sent across the galaxy asking for help? Poe says half-way through the movie that nobody came, so it may as well have never happened. Rose and Finn? No mention of the kiss on Krait or anything -- they act like they barely know each other, and Rose has almost no screentime. Even Lando’s return, which should’ve been great, happens when he appears on this random India-like desert planet -- why was he there? Why does he no longer live in Cloud City? Wasn’t he its leader? Wouldn’t he have better fit in a planet like Canto Bight, one that was glitzy and kind of seedy, instead of a pastoral place like that? It’s like reading the first six books in the Harry Potter series, only to end on a version of Deathly Hallows where -- surprise! -- Hermione was actually a pureblood witch all along and she’s actually related to the Lestranges and also Hagrid pops up in Godric’s Hollow to save Hermione and Harry from Nagini for no reason at all, plus Ginny is just a side character now and the author seems to want you to think Harry likes Hermione even if Ron and Harry totally have more chemistry but NO HOMO YOU GUYS COME ON.
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+Hahaha, on that note, WOW, have I never seen a film more desperate to try to prove to its audience that its two male main characters are not totally boyfriends. Even though J.J. decided to placate angry fanboys by rather unfairly marginalizing Rose Tico (come on, she may not have been written the best in Last Jedi, but you’re not going to fix that by IGNORING HER ALL TOGETHER), he still thought it best to introduce two new female characters, Zorii and Jannah, who both could’ve been very interesting if they’d had their proper amount of screentime and development, but instead only serve to be substitute “love interests” for Poe and Finn. That might sound harsh, but they literally have no other substantial relationships that get explored in this movie outside of the ones with their respective “guy.” It felt like the film was going, “Look -- Poe’s not gay! He’s got history with this chick, and he gives her a look at the end! And look -- Finn’s not gay! He might’ve been trying to confess his feelings to Rey which totally made his not-boyfriend uber jealous BUT THEY’RE NOT GAY YOU GAIS, and he’s doing stuff with this girl, who was also a Stormtrooper!” Sorry, film, but methinks you doth protest too much. (Even Poe’s actor Oscar Isaac apparently thinks so.)
+Another theme from The Last Jedi that I loved and J.J. clearly didn’t is that the dichotomy between “Jedi” and “Sith” doesn’t inherently equate “good” vs. “evil,” and therefore just because the Sith are evil, it doesn’t mean that the Jedi -- who preached detachment from all affectionate emotions and familial ties -- were right. Even the Resistance is flawed. It’s actually something the prequels and the Clone Wars TV show preach too, and it brings so much more grayness to the Star Wars mythos. In The Rise of Skywalker, however, the Jedi and the Resistance are just seen as the good guys, period, end of story. Who cares if it results in your story being shockingly simplistic and oddly shallow, when compared to the rest of the Star Wars universe?
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+The treatment of the Stormtroopers in this movie was actually kind of infuriating. We consistently get reminders about how the First Order’s Stormtroopers were child soldiers who were stolen from their homes and brainwashed, as evident by both Finn and Jannah, and yet throughout the entire movie, they still get cut down in the hundreds without care. Even Finn -- an ex-Stormtrooper himself -- shoots them up like they’re NPCs in a video game! For a film trilogy that did something so powerful by showing the humanity underneath the white helmet, we sure got a film that didn’t give a shit about these people unless they had their helmets off.
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+Speaking of the First Order, I saw the Hux-as-the-traitor “twist” coming and I hated finding out that I was right. Honestly it could’ve been played very interestingly if Hux maybe tried to overthrow Kylo and take over the First Order himself, therefore showing how Kylo’s fear-stoking and hatred don’t bring out any loyalty in his followers, but it only results in Hux immediately getting axed off and replaced with another First Order officer we’ve never seen in any of the previous films and therefore don’t care about. Why couldn’t we have reused D.J. the hacker from the previous movie as the spy, or better yet, have the “spy” actually be Kylo, leaking information that he thinks might coax Rey to the Dark Side? The last two films built Hux up as an interesting character, but he was tossed out even more unceremoniously than Commodore Norrington was in the Pirates films.
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+This problem of “replacing one antagonist with another out of the blue” is replicated on a large scale with the return of Palpatine. This entire film series has been centered on Kylo Ren and the First Order, but all of a sudden, out of nowhere, we’re just expected to turn all of our focus onto Palpatine and the Knights of Ren, both of whom have had no bearing on the story previously. It could’ve been cool to learn more about the Knights of Ren, but we don’t learn anything about them -- we just see them suddenly being there, when they’d never been there previously. As for Palpatine...did we REALLY need him brought back? Really? The First Order was a threat because they’d wrapped themselves up in their romanticized, false view of the Empire -- that was a choice they made. It didn’t have to be because Palpatine was secretly alive all along and was pulling the strings -- people can do things of their own accord, without a grand, evil mastermind coming back from the dead out of nowhere. Kylo Ren finally got out from under Snoke’s shadow in The Last Jedi and I was so excited to see him come into his own as a villain, but instead all he did was skirt around the coat-tails of Palpatine the entire movie, and it was really disappointing. I WANTED a final confrontation between Kylo and Rey in the climax, like the films had been building up to -- instead all we got was a half-baked “redemption” for Kylo where he teams up with Rey to fight somebody else who just wandered into the story out of nowhere. Even Palpatine’s plot didn’t make any sense -- he tells Kylo for the first half of the movie that they need to kill Rey even though Kylo really wants her to turn to the Dark Side instead, only for Palpatine to (I guess) change his mind at the last minute when Rey arrives in his lair, and yet they play it off as him having planned for that to happen all along because he needs Rey to kill him so she can become one with him and all of the other Sith -- look, I know Palpatine’s whole characterization is hinged on him being a criminal mastermind, but all I want is some consistency! How are we supposed to know what the threat is if we don’t know what our villains want?
+“The Force” is used to rationalize a lot in this movie, from where Rey decides to walk to what plot devices our heroes will need later to why our characters do what they do. Even Finn, who in The Force Awakens accented that he made a choice to break away from the First Order because he saw what he was doing was wrong, now apparently believes that the Force decided that he should join up with Poe and Rey...and I just don’t like that, let alone buy it. The Force was never equivalent to “destiny” -- yes, Anakin was the Chosen One, but he only fulfilled it because the Jedi believed in it enough to train him and he fulfilled the prophecy in a way no one could’ve imagined...and even so, the Force doesn’t dictate everything. Everything is part of the Force, and the Force is part of everything -- but it shouldn’t just be a deus-ex-machina that moves the plot along or does whatever the author needs it to do. For instance, why can the Force suddenly heal wounds?? Since when is that something it can do?? If it could do that, and someone largely self-taught like Rey can do it, then why didn’t Jedi Master Anakin or Obi-Wan ever do that? Why didn’t Anakin use some of his life force to save his dying mother? Why didn’t he think to use it on Padme, or why didn’t Obi-Wan use it on Padme? Why didn’t Luke think to use it to save his father? The only reason why the Force can do that now is that the writers needed to justify why Kylo could give up his remaining life force for Rey, but in order to do that, they give the Force an ability it’s never had previously and doesn’t match up with the previous canon.
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+If we’re talking about the Force, though, I have to write a separate bullet point accenting this -- WHY. DOESN’T. FINN. USE IT?? The film clearly likes the thought of Finn being Force-sensitive, but it’s too cowardly to just make Finn a Jedi. When Kylo and Rey were fighting over the ship, why didn’t Finn do something to help?? Why didn’t he blast Kylo or, more relevantly to this discussion, show off some of his latent Force talent by helping Rey yank the ship back? Why didn’t Finn use his Force ability to reach out to Rey while she was fighting Kylo, or fighting Palpatine? He could’ve been the one to wield Anakin’s lightsaber and fight side by side with Rey in that final battle, if Kylo had been the villain like he should’ve been. Maybe Finn confronts Commander Hux inside the command post while Rey’s fighting Kylo, and when Rey tries one last time to connect with the Jedi of the past, she’s able to connect to all of the Jedi, living or dead -- including Finn, as he also has been nurturing a talent in the Force! Through their new mental connection, Rey and Finn are able to help each other, while also being surrounded and spurred on by the corporeal, translucent spirits of Anakin, Obi-Wan, Yoda, Mace Windu, Ahsoka Tano, and the rest, all appearing and disappearing one after another around Finn and Rey as they fight. Poe should’ve been commanding the troops from above in Luke’s old X-Wing, it being the only ship he could get his hands on (because I’m sorry -- Han gave Rey the Falcon, she should be the one using it, yet this film just stubbornly kept her out of the driver’s seat for some reason), giving them all of the support he could from the air so that the rest of the First Order can’t interfere with the four-way duel between Finn, Rey, Kylo, and Hux. Maybe when the electricity in the ships gets messed up, Poe’s even able to remember something Rey or Finn told him to tap into the Force enough himself to keep himself airborne until he’s able to crash-land safely. While Hux and Kylo fight to destroy their opponents individually, each seeking glory and victory solely for themselves, Rey and Finn fight together as friends, taking lessons from the Jedi that are their mentors but also standing apart from them and being better than them.
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+This movie really felt like two stories smashed together because there were way too many plot lines that were dropped like a hot potato not long after they were introduced. Finn having something to tell Rey? No conclusion. 3PO getting his memory wiped? Resolved quickly a few scenes later with little fall-out. Chewie supposedly getting killed? We find out within minutes that he survived. All of the new characters we meet, like Zorii and Jannah? They get one or two short scenes each where we barely get to know them at all. Even the India-inspired planet I mentioned earlier gets blown up because the First Order thinks it’ll upset the Rebellion and get them to come out of hiding, but...this film is the first time we’ve even seen this planet! We barely spent any time on it! This is really the obvious first choice of a planet whose destruction would upset the Rebellion? We don’t even know any of the characters who live on it personally! At least when Alderaan got blown up, Leia’s parents were on it, so we feel sad for Leia’s sake, but we haven’t built up any emotional investment in that planet that was just blown up.
+Along with this movie feeling like it had too much stuff in it, it also felt very, VERY long. The pacing was very bad, with there being no organic rise and fall to the action and the climax really just feeling like a bunch of plot turns stacked haphazardly on top of each other. When I came out of the theater, I even heard a little boy say to his dad, “That was really long,” and I had to agree with him. It’s not even that long compared to other Star Wars movies, but I just felt like I was being yanked around by the arm throughout the entire run-time, so rather than feeling invested in what was happening, I found myself tuning out and wanting the filmmakers to just get to a point.
Overall, I really don’t think I can recommend this movie. Every Star Wars fan should probably see it, and it’s possible that quite a few of you might get more out of it than me if you disliked The Last Jedi and want to see a movie that “sticks it” to that movie for whatever reason...but even if you do, surely you would agree that stories should not be written like this, where one part is completely invalidated by another and there’s no build-up for anything that happens? Stories should not be just something that you’re passively pulled through by the author -- they should engage you: make you feel for the characters, make you think about its themes, make you guess what might happen next. A story doesn’t mean less if you can make educated guesses about where the story might go if you see where it began -- it also doesn’t mean less if it subverts old literary or canon tropes. But this movie didn’t subvert anything -- instead it openly contradicted and retconned just about everything in the last movie, to the point that Rise of Skywalker clearly wanted to be two movies but didn’t have enough development or care put into it that could prompt a real emotional reaction from its audience. In short, it ended up being an overly complicated, watered-down retread of Return of the Jedi with none of the power in its supposedly “bittersweet” ending. The first two installments in this trilogy got me excited for a new take on Star Wars, to the extent that I for the first time actively looked into the fandom surrounding the films instead of just enjoying the films on my own. It’s therefore quite disappointing to me that the trilogy had to end on such a weak, petering note.
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Overall Grade: D
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cassandras-nest · 5 years
Text
Breakthru - a side story.
Disclaimer: this is something i wrote on a whim..
Mostly because of this picture
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My first language is italian so, please, let me know if there are any mistakes..thank you.
(No beta-readed at all, just a quick grammar check, sorry)
Hope you'll enjoy ❤
Also, part 2 of this is in the making, as well as part 2 and 3 of IM
______
This was your first assignment as a professional assistant on a real set. You worked mostly in theatres since you started, costume and makeup department, but a friend of yours helped you in having a bigger one this time.
A famous band was shooting some videos for their next album, so here you are on a Queen production nonetheless.
Yes, you did know Queen, who didn’t? You weren't a fan per se but you enjoyed their music and the latest album was quite spectacular.
On your first day on the field, you thought you would be back in the trailer, randomly putting away some stuff or helping around, but instead, here you were, several days later, fixing the makeup on each every one of them. They didn’t wear it much, just for cameras, a bit of fixing powder, black eye pencil and some lip balm, it was quite simple like you used to do on male actors on your previous job. You already did Roger and Brian, but not Freddie, he didn't let anyone do that really; it wasn't personal, you knew that, he just wanted to do it himself, but he was nice, everyone’s been.
You were left with John. In the past days, he became your favourite: he was patient and calm, he respected your work, as the others too, and he was a good talker, very intelligent and humble so you found pretty easy working with him.
- Mr Deacon, excuse me.- He was talking to another crew member.
- Yes? Oh, hi. What can I do for you, dear? - quickly turning around to you, a little surprised, but still smiling.
Always so polite...and cute. - your mind quickly corrected you.
Ah! stop that thought.
But you can’t...
- Can I have just five minutes of your time? I have to check and fix your makeup - you answered him smiling a little.
- Oh yes, sure..five minutes, an hour, anything for you - He answered, joking a little..making you blush.
- So, hum... How....how do we do it?- he asked then.
- Oh, simple..just sit down and I'll do all the work, no need to go back to the trailer- you said politely.
Yes, he was easy to talk to and very much polite, but you always had to remember that he was literally your boss and not one of your friends. Last but not least he was older than you so you owned him some kind of respect, you thought.
Sure, you can't help it that you find him rather attractive, charming even, more than the others, it was just much more subtle.
- Stay still a bit...please - you said firmly.
He simply nodded and you slowly inspected his face to see any flaws or where to fix..and he was watching you, in some sort of daze it seems, making your work ten thousand times more difficult.
You were gently re-apply the powder with a clean sponge the moment he spoke.
- So do you like it, I mean what do you think? - gesturing around himself.
You froze for a second. Did he really ask for your opinion on their video?
- Well...- searching for the right words, you truly did love their idea, and he was...well, that was something you couldn't tell out loud...at least not in front of him.
- It's a very original idea, truly... I can't wait to see the whole video, y'know - smiling while fishing out his black eye pencil.
- This makes me, I mean ..us happy, at least we’re still doing our job right - he answered with an adorable grin.
Why he is like this, why so adorable? - your mind was reeling
- Now, just another thing and I'll leave you be, eyes up - you ordered showing him the pencil.. - Yes, ma’am - mocking a salute.
Oh..and he’s funny too... - your brain was starting to fail you.
You were closer to his face, enough to do your job properly, but by doing so you could almost feel his breath on your face, at least his eyes were up, so he wasn’t staring you like before but it still made nervous.
You were here for a job, no need to be silly - you kept on thinking.
- There, all done, now I won't bother you any more, Mr Deacon - you said taking a step back..but he gently stopped you before you could go too far.
- Please, call me John..- he said sweetly, looking at you, a small smile on his face.
- Oh, ok...John - blushing a little, avoiding his gaze as best as you can.
He released your hand and stood up.
- Well that was fairly quick..and no, you wouldn't bother me even if you wanted to - He sincerely told you.
You could have been wrong, but you thought you saw him winking a little.
Probably just your imagination..
 
- All..right, I better come back now - Still a bit flustered, you started to make your way back to the trailer...
- So..well, thanks for your patience..then - you told him, smiling a bit.
- Always for you, love - he answered you, smiling even wider now.
Leaving him there, you still could feel his eyes on you while you walked back to the parking lot where the set trailers were. You, however, didn't know what to think, was he making a move on you or he was just being polite? Well extremely polite...
The whole shooting lasted the entire day, but they had to finish some other details on the next one...
You were packing your things up, ready to go back home, have some sleep and come back to work early the next day when a knock of the trailer door startled you.
- Can i...? - you heard a familiar voice from the trailer door.
Looking up, you saw him. He was still dressed from the shooting but without the waistcoat, just plain jeans and the white shirt, now with the first three buttons open but still with the sleeves all rolled up to the elbows, the sight alone made you blush wildly, suddenly stopping what you were doing.
Damn, how was he so beautiful?....but you can't...you couldn't think such things...- your mind reminded you.
You realized you were still looking at him, so you quickly thought of an answer.
- Hi, do you ...do you need something?- you hesitated a bit.
He stood there, casually leaning on the door frame, an amused smile on his lips.
You felt your cheeks become a bit hot, again - what an absolute idiot you were.
- Nothing, I was just..just heading home and I wanted to see if everything was ok, I think I have somehow embarrassed you before...- his tone calm and sweet now.
- I ...no, not at all..everything's perfect, really - you assured him, shaking your head, still trying to regain some sense in the meantime.
- So - he started - yes..alright, see you tomorrow then - a half-smile on his face.
Once more, you smiled at him, you can’t help it, you liked how you were feeling and how it was so easy with him.
- Yes! You can't get rid of me so easily - cursing yourself soon after saying that
why were you like this - you absolute fool, happy, but still a fool.
 
- I don't want to...i mean..that's the best crew we ever had...- he told you, matter-of-factly...
was he blushing too? - impossible, you were so tired that you were starting to imagine things.
- Well, that's reassuring...I -quickly correcting yourself- We take our job seriously - faking a bit of confidence
- I can see that....- he told you, facing you even more, a smile never leaving his lips.
- If there isn't anything else...I'll go back to pack so I could finally go back home too - you told him, trying to look him in the eyes now.
a big mistake, a very big mistake, now you were blushing even more.
- No, no...yes, everything's alright - he faltered - goodnight then..- lowering his eyes a bit now, nervously smiling.
his behaviour seemed a bit off to you, again, what was he doing?
not that you hated the attentions, you loved it but still..you just wanted to understand why?
- ok, yes...right, ‘night - you told him, your voice almost a whisper.
the only thing you were sure about was that he made nervous, but in a very good way..and that was a problem.
There was a moment of embarrassing silence between the two of you. He cleared his throat, like he wanted to say something more, but he started to back away, his eyes still on you, and then turned to leave.
You watched him go for a while, unable to stop, mostly confused.
he, on the other end, looked back at you a couple of times before reaching his car.
That night when you went home, you found yourself much more conflicted than you ever been.
you really needed a good night sleep...
_______
Tags: @bluewillowmom @iwanttoridemybri @deakysgurl @spacedust1124719 @acdeaky @catch-a-deak @stormtrprinstilettos @dontstopmemeow @mydeakydoesme @culturefiendtrashqueen @captain--americanna @babyzellodeacon @sitonmyhot-seatoflove @myguardianmailman @deacytits   @deakys-chesthair @miamideacon @supersonicfreddie @bismillahnah @raven974 @chasingthespiders
A special thanks as always to @binkyisonline ❤
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three-drink-amy · 5 years
Text
If After All These Years, You’d Like to Meet
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master list -AO3
Note:Thank you all for the continued support of this fic almost 20 chapters in! I truly appreciate all the feedback that you leave! It certainly helps me keep writing. There are only a couple of chapters left in this story and I hope you’ll stay along for it! 
Chapter Nineteen
Claire stood surrounded by boxes, looking around her flat. She was never claustrophobic, but at that moment, she just felt incredibly crowded. The door opened and Jamie walked in bearing a grin. “And here we have it, the last box!” he announced, raising the box in the air. He sat it down on top of one of the many other boxes of his. “Sassenach, are ye alright?” he asked, throwing himself down on the couch.
She snapped her head in his direction, shaking from her thoughts. “I’m fine. Why?”
“Ye look a bit...overwhelmed.”
Claire weaved herself around the boxes and walked over by the couch. “Nope. I’m alright. So, what should we unpack first?”
Jamie frowned. “Ye realize we moved John out of his flat and into mine and then moved me out of mine and into here? Ye realize that all happened today? And now ye’d like to start unpacking?”
Claire shrugged. “It just seemed like something to do. Also would be less clutter.”
“If I recall correctly, I came here three whole weeks after ye’d moved in and there were still boxes laying about,” Jamie reminded her. Claire looked over and glared at him, making him chuckle. “Is unpacking what ye’d really like to do for our first night of living together?”
Claire sat down on the couch next to him. “No, not really. But I don’t think you’re up to what I’d really have us do.”
He looked over at her, a curious look in his eyes. “If it’s something to do wi’ yer body, ye ken I’d find the energy for it.”
Claire grinned. “Good answer.” Jamie picked up her hand where it rested between them and placed a kiss on the back. “Do you think this place is big enough for both of us?” Claire asked, temporarily ignoring his gesture.
Jamie sighed but still held onto her hand. “Yes. We’ve essentially been living here for months anyway.”
“Well yes, but your stuff wasn’t here.”
Jamie scoffed, dropping her hand as he turned to face her. “I barely brought anything. I left most of my stuff for John. I brought a dresser and a desk and that’s it furniture wise. Ye ken my clothes willna take up much space. What are ye really worried about?” Claire opened her mouth to reply but Jamie kept talking. “Is this some subtle way of trying to get rid of my things because ye dinna like them?”
Claire burst out laughing. “Not at all, Jamie!” She shook her head as she looked at him. “I genuinely worry there’s not enough space.”
Jamie rolled his eyes. “I think we’ll be fine. Ye have a rather spacious flat, if ye hadna realized.” He paused for a moment. “Look, I’ll promise no’ to take up too much space in yer flat.”
Claire looked over at him, noting the sincerity on his face. She crawled onto his lap, holding his face in her hands. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. “I want you to take as much space as you want. This isn’t my flat anymore. It’s ours. And that’s the way I want it.” She wouldn’t break her gaze, making sure he knew she was serious. “Jamie, I want you here. You and all your crap.”
“My crap?” he asked through a laugh.
She smirked. “You know what I mean.”
Jamie shook his head with a grin, craning his neck up to kiss her. “Thank ye for saying that, mo nighean donn, because this is where I want to be too.”
Claire bent her head down to meet him for a long kiss, their tired bodies melting together as they grew more heated. Jamie’s hands glued themselves to her bottom as Claire’s hands held him close. She rolled her hips against his, feeling him harden. Jamie broke their kiss to plant a line of kisses down her neck. She sighed contentedly, her fingers moving to ruffle through his hair.
“Should we christen the couch?” Jamie breathed against her chest.
Claire laughed. “You realize that we christened the couch a long time ago.”
“No’ as a couple who officially lives together,” Jamie reminded her, meeting her again for another heated kiss. His tongue was deep in her mouth, leaving her incapable of replying. Instead of answering with words, she simply started pulling at the waistband of her own pants. Jamie took notice, breaking their kiss quickly to assist her. He pulled off her shirt and bra, almost immediately bringing his mouth to her chest. She panted loudly, holding him there.
Claire grinded her hips against his, noting how he was far more clothed than she was. “Take off your pants,” she ordered.
Jamie pulled back, staring up at her for a second before he processed her words. With a nod, he reached for his pants while Claire lifted herself off his lap. She reached to pull them down faster than he was moving. “Eager are ye?” Jamie teased with a grin.
Claire grabbed hold of his cock as it was freed, causing Jamie to gasp. “Seems I’m not the only one.” His shirt was still on and his pants weren’t even all the way down his legs when he pulled Claire back to him, his mouth meeting urgently. His hand trailed down her thigh finding her center. “Christ, ye’re so wet.”
She bent down to whisper in his ear, “You know the effect you have on me.”
Jamie groaned. “Sassenach…” He looked back up at her, kissing her again deeply before entering her. She sank down onto his lap, taking him deeper as she rolled her hips against him. Both of them cried out at their joining. Foreheads pressed together, they rocked against the other with a desperate energy. Jamie’s hands roved her back and landed at her ass, kneading firmly. Claire clutched his shoulders, her nails digging in through his shirt. Wanting to feel his slick skin against hers, she yanked at his shirt, pulling it off him in one motion before closing all distance between their bodies.
“Ye feel so good,” Jamie sighed into her neck. Claire replied by kissing him languidly as they continued to meet each other thrust for thrust.
She could tell he was getting close as his movements became more erratic. His hand dropped to where they were joined, stroking her to encourage her along. She cried out, telling him to keep going. Her head fell to his shoulder as she held him, both of them exquisitely close to seeing stars. She reached her climax, panting his name over and over. He held her tight as he found his own release, biting her shoulder.
They remained together, him still inside her for a long moment as the sweat cooled on their bodies and they regained their breath. After a long silence, Jamie ran a hand through her hair. “I’m thinking the kitchen table could be next.”
Claire burst out laughing, her head falling back against his shoulder. “Maybe not where we eat.”
“Oh, well if ye want us to jus’ eat there, then I think I have a good idea,” he said with a smug grin and an attempt at a wink.
Breathing out a laugh, Claire leaned in to kiss him quickly. “You’re too much, James Fraser.”
He chuckled, kissing her again. “Aye, perhaps. But ye love me.”
She smiled down at him. “You know I do.”
~~~
Claire was up and out early on Monday morning, needing to make it to the hospital before rounds. Jamie had just staggered into the room as she grabbed her bag to leave. “Leaving already?” he asked through a yawn.
“Unfortunately,” she said. “But I made coffee.”
Jamie smiled. “Ye’re the best.”
She walked over and kissed him quickly before walking to the door. “I’ll see you later.”
“Hey!” Jamie called, an excited look on his face. She turned back to look at him. “I’ll see ye when ye get home.”
Claire smiled as wide as he was. She walked back over to him, wrapping an arm around his neck. “I love that.” She leaned in and kissed him again, lingering a bit this time. “I can’t wait,” she whispered. “Have a good day!” she said as she walked back to leave.
“And ye, mo nighean donn. I love ye.”
“Love you too!” she yelled just before the door closed.
Jamie walked over to pour himself a cup of coffee, surveying the amount of boxes to unpack. He’d taken the day off to get a bit of unpacking done. In truth, he could have slept in, but he’d heard Claire up and about and he’d wanted to see her before she left. It was an exciting feeling to know that when Claire came home it would be to him.
He’d had a productive day of unpacking while Claire had been at work. There was every chance that when she came home, she’d want to rearrange things, but he didn’t mind. His sense of accomplishment was still in place. Jamie decided to start cooking dinner so that it would be ready when she got home. As he moved around her kitchen with complete comfort, he really noted that moving in together had more or less happened months ago, just minus his stuff. He’d already made her dinner in her own kitchen so many times that he knew where she kept everything.
Claire strolled in, throwing her bag down in front of the island and moving to wrap her arms around him while he stood at the stove. She planted a kiss on the side of his neck in greeting. “Hello, love,” she said, hugging him tighter.
He laid a hand on her arm as he craned his neck to look back at her. “Hello. How was yer day?”
She kissed his shoulder before she released him, perching herself on the island. “It was alright. I had a couple of surgeries but they went well.” She looked around the flat. “Looks like you got a lot done today.”
“Aye, that I did.” He turned around with a proud smile. “Oh also, I spoke to John today and I invited him and Hector over for dinner on Saturday.”
“Why?”
Jamie looked back at her, confused. “Why no’?”
“Well it’s just that you realize they’re going to have to go on dates just the two of them at some point, right?” she asked. “I mean, we all love Hector and I’m sure that’s great for John to know, but they spend more time with us as a group than I feel like they do just the two of them. They kind of need to date just the two of them as well.”
“It’s no’ like we did that,” he reminded her.
“That’s completely different! We knew each other,” she countered. “They still need to get to that point.”
“Well from the way John talked, it seems like they do spend a good amount of time together,” Jamie added.
“That’s good to know. They’ve spent at least a few nights with our group in the last month and a half,” Claire recalled. She stiffened as she remembered the times they’d seen John. There was something linking all of the times. “Jamie, how many times would you say we’ve seen John since his attack?”
“Aside from when we moved him in this past weekend?” Jamie thought on it. “I suppose two or three times. There was the night that you, me, John, Hector, and Louise hung out at her place. The night you had the group over here. He missed the night we went to that pub with the weird drinks that Geillis wanted to try. I had lunch wi’ him at my old flat while I had him sign some paperwork.” He stared at Claire. “Why?”
“Because all the times we’ve seen him have been at someone’s home,” Claire realized.
Jamie turned around and watched her. “He’s allowed to be reluctant to go out, Sassenach.”
Claire took a deep breath. “No, I know he is. Who wouldn’t be? I’m just worried about him.”
“Let him be,” Jamie advised.
“Why? Wouldn’t it be better to let him know that he has people in his corner?”
Jamie shook his head as he turned back to keep cooking. “He kens he has people in his corner. He saw the amount of people crowding his hospital room. Just let him heal at his own speed. If he’s no’ yet ready to go out, dinna push him.”
“I never said I was going to push him,” Claire insisted.
“No, but I ken yer ways,” Jamie said. “Were ye or were ye no’ the woman who drove me down the road I had my accident?” He raised his brow at her.
Claire rolled her eyes. “It had been like seven years, Jamie! I’m not about to push John back out after a month and a half.”
“I ken ye wouldna do that. But just go easy wi’ him. I ken it’s no’ the same thing, but after my accident, I didna even want to be in a car. And that was me crashing my own car. I canna imagine the terror of thinking someone else could be out there wanting to hurt ye again when ye were doing nothing but going about yer own life.” Jamie brought the pan over to the island and scooped their dinner onto plates. “Just wait, alright?”
“Are you saying your sister didn’t push you to get back in a car?” Claire asked, unable to let it go.
“Of course she did,” Jamie confirmed. “But I hated it and often wouldna speak to her afterward. Is that what ye want to happen wi’ John?” Claire sighed. He looked at her, quite obvious that he knew he made his point. “Now, dinner?”
She rolled her eyes and jumped down from the island, taking a plate from him. He was right on several points, but Claire couldn’t just let things be. She was worried about John and it was just in her nature to try to fix things. The timing of her chat with him would have to be just right. And after her conversation with Jamie, she realized it would have to be a secret too.
~~~
Claire showed up at John’s flat, despite Jamie’s voice in the back of her head. There was no crime in checking in on a friend. And there was definitely no way she was just going to forget her concerns. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
“Claire!” John greeted with a smile. Even though Claire knew Jamie didn’t live there anymore, it was still odd to see John opening Jamie’s door.
“Hey!”
“What brings you by?” John asked, ushering her inside.
“Just wanted to pop by,” she lied. “I got off work a bit early and thought I’d see if you were here or wanted to get dinner.”
His brow furrowed as he glanced over to the kitchen. “I might have food. I could try to make us something,” he offered.
Claire narrowed her eyes. “Or we could just go out. My treat!”
John’s lips formed a thin line as he looked at her with a tense expression. “That’s okay, I appreciate the offer. I really shouldn’t eat out. With all the food you all brought me in the last month or so, I’ve definitely put on weight.”
Claire rolled her eyes at him. “You’re still a string bean.”
“Nevertheless,” he said with a wave of his hand, “I can’t.”
Claire swallowed past the lump in her throat. “John, can I ask you something?” He nodded for her to ask. “When was the last time you left the flat?”
He looked at her with a confused expression. “I went to work today. I actually just got home an hour ago.”
“Sure, you go to work,” Claire agreed, “but other than that, when was the last time you left?”
“I just moved in, Claire. I have plenty to be doing around here,” he said, gesturing to the boxes still in corners.
“No, I know. Believe me. Jamie took Monday off so he could unpack some and he still has boxes everywhere,” Claire told him. “I don’t get how a man who is so lowkey has so much stuff. God, I’m getting off track.” She paused and shook her head, reminding herself of her mission. “John, I’m just a bit worried about you. That’s all. When was the last time you went to a restaurant or a bar or something?”
John’s expression hardened. “People go months without going to bars, Claire.”
“Yeah, but you never did. You had an active social life,” she reminded him.
“Claire, I was attacked!” he yelled. He pulled back and calmed himself some. Swallowing harshly, he looked back at her. “I’m allowed to want to stay in my home and not leave. I’m allowed to be wary of what could be waiting for me out there.”
“I never said you weren’t,” she said kindly, moving closer to him. “I just don’t want you to lose the things that make you happy because you’re afraid. I don’t want you to isolate yourself.”
“I’m not. I still go to work. I have seen you and Jamie and Louise. I saw the rest of the group a few weeks ago. Hector comes over a lot and we hang out here. Do you want me to talk about my blooming relationship with Hector?” he asked, clearly trying to change the subject.
“That’s low. You know I would love to hear all about that,” Claire said, narrowing her eyes at him. “But not now. I’m still worried about you.”
John sighed and threw himself down on his couch. “Claire, please just let it go.”
“I can’t,” she maintained. “Not when I’m worried my friend might be hurting.” She sat down next to him, looking over and trying to catch his gaze. “Have you talked to anyone about it?”
“Of course I have,” John insisted. “I talked to you, Jamie, Hector. I’ve talked about it plenty.”
“Okay, what about a professional?” John glared at her. “Look, I have never been through something like this. I truly have no idea how I would react. I’m sure I would also try not to leave the house more than I needed to. But that’s not a healthy reaction. Eventually, you need to get back to your life. And Jamie, Hector, and I can’t possibly give you the right advice since we haven’t had these experiences.”
“I just don’t think I can,” John said quietly. “I don’t know that I’m ready to talk about it that deeply yet.”
Claire nodded, unsure of what to say.
“But I suppose you’re right, I don’t want to lose the life I had before the attack,” John admitted. “I just am really not ready to go to bars again. I want to spend time with the group, I just can’t.”
Claire was about to reply when a knock at the door cut her off. “Oh I’m sorry, were you expecting someone?” She grinned. “Hector, maybe?”
John laughed and shook his head. “No, tonight I’ve gotten two surprise visitors apparently.” He opened up the door to see Jamie standing on the other side. “Jamie, what brings you by? Although, I’m betting I already know the answer.” He turned to look back at Claire, noticing how she was straining to not be seen from the door.
“Claire isna home yet so I thought I’d drop by and see how ye were doing,” Jamie said, stepping inside the flat. Claire didn’t hide well enough and he spotted her quickly. “Seriously? What happened to dropping it?”
“Oh come on, you knew I wasn’t really going to do that!” Claire retorted.
“Aye, I did. I came here partially to see if ye were here,” Jamie confessed.
“So you’re not really here to see how I’m doing?” John asked, a fake look of hurt on his face. Jamie started to splutter a response before John grinned.
“I really do want to ken how ye’re doing as well. But I had a sneaking suspicion that Claire’s “errand” was actually coming here,” Jamie said, shaking his head at her in disapproval.
She shrugged. “I’m not upset by your disappointment. I was doing what I thought was best for my friend.”
Jamie looked from her to John. “Tell me, John, how has this conversation been going?”
“Please don’t put me in the middle of this,” John pleaded. “Think of your child!” he teased. He managed to get a laugh out of both of them. “Look, I know Claire was well intentioned and just wants the best for me. So I suppose it hasn’t been that bad. She came off a bit harsh at first, but I can see her points.” John looked over at Claire. “But I meant what I said too. I’m not quite ready for therapy yet or something like that. It’s still too much. I don’t think I could get through talking it out.”
Claire nodded, standing up and walking toward him. “Then you don’t have to. Just think about it. And we will make sure that you still stay part of the group too,” she added.
“How?”
Claire looked between the two men. “I’m sure we can think of something to do. If you recall the group in your hospital room, you’ll know that we don’t have to always be at a bar to hang out. Maybe we can start spending time at each other’s homes. We can still drink just as heavily. Only one of us won’t have to find a cab,” she said with a grin.
Jamie nodded in approval. “I think that could work.” He clapped his hand on John’s shoulder. “Ye’ve been part of this group long enough that we’d like to keep having ye around.”
“Yeah, and if anyone has a problem with it, it’ll be Angus and we can easily guilt him into agreeing,” Claire decided. “I’ll talk to them.”
“Don’t make it all about me and my trauma, please,” John asked in a small voice.
Claire met his gaze and nodded with sympathy. “Of course not.”
They stood there for a moment silently. John pulled out his phone and read something on it. He cleared his throat, looking up at them. “Anyway, you two should get home. I appreciate you both stopping in to check on me.”
Jamie smirked. “Hector coming over?” he asked, pointing to John’s phone.
“Yes, actually,” John laughed. “He just texted.”
“Oh great!” Claire said. “Then we’ll get out of your hair.”
“I’ll see you in two days, right?” John asked. “Dinner for the four of us?”
“Aye, that’s still on,” Jamie agreed.
“Good,” John said with a nod. “Hector and I were looking forward to it.” He walked to the door and more or less hurried them out. “Bye guys, I’ll see you later!”
Once the door was closed, Jamie and Claire couldn’t help but laugh. “He seemed eager for us to leave,” Claire commented.
“Did ye hear what he said? He said they’re looking forward to dinner wi’ us. And ye made fun of me,” Jamie reminded her, shaking his head.
They walked down the stairs and out into the night as they headed toward the underground.
Claire grabbed ahold of Jamie’s hand. “Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to what you said. I know you had John’s interest in mind when you asked me not to come here.”
Jamie squeezed her hand in his as he looked over at her. “Sassenach, I ken ye’d come here. Tis no’ like ye to just drop something when ye think ye’ll be helping yer friend. But...that’s one of the things I’ve always loved about ye. Ye have a big heart and ye just want to take care of people. Tis what makes ye a great doctor.” He pulled her hand up and placed a kiss the back of it. “And tis also what makes ye a wonderful girlfriend.”
Claire felt very touched by his response. She leaned in and laid her head on his shoulder as they kept walking. “Well, I appreciate you saying that.”
~~~
Claire and Jamie were sitting in the courtyard at the hospital, enjoying a lunch together when Geillis spotted them. She walked up and stood in front of their bench, staring at them for a long moment.
“Can we help ye?” Jamie joked, taking a drink.
“Let me get this straight, ye live together and yet Jamie still comes here so ye can have lunch together?” Geillis asked, her head slightly tilted as she watched them.
“Yes. Is something wrong with that?” Claire asked.
“No,” Geillis admitted. “I guess I’m just surprised that ye want to spend that much time together. When he leaves here ye’ll still see each other in a few hours.”
“If we’re living together and have the intent to be together for the rest of our lives...” Claire started, looking over at Jamie. He nodded in agreement, a grin on his face. “...then surely it’s important that we want to spend time with each other.”
“Alright, I’ll give ye that,” Geillis conceded. “Anyway, I’m glad I ran into ye both. I had a thought I wanted to run by ye.”
“What’s up?” Claire asked.
“It’s about John,” Geillis began. “I’m worried he’s no’ going to want to come out wi’ us anymore after what happened. I mean the one time we’ve all gone out to an actual bar since then he didna come.”
“Funny you should mention that,” Claire started to say before Geillis kept speaking.
“So I was thinking perhaps we didna have to go out. We could stay in. We’d have just as grand a time, I’d think. It’s no’ like we do all that much at bars other than drink and gab and we could do that jus’ as easily at someone’s home. And then he might feel more comfortable. What do ye think?”
Jamie and Claire exchanged a look, both of them fighting grins. “I think that’s a great idea, Geil,” she said, deciding to let Geillis believe she’d come up with the plan if the group went forward with it. “I’m sure John would really appreciate the thoughtfulness behind that idea.”
“Well then I can suggest it first,” she replied. “I’ll text the others and let them know the plan. And then I’ll text the group and suggest it like it’s a fresh idea,” she informed with a wink.
Jamie laughed. “Sounds like a braw plan, Geillis. Good thinking.”
She turned to go but turned back, her eyes narrowed on them. “Did ye have breakfast together before ye went to work?”
Jamie and Claire looked at each other before looking back at their friend. “Yes,” Claire replied.
“And now ye’re having lunch together.”
“Obviously,” Jamie said.
“And then ye’ll go home and ye’ll have dinner together as well,” Geillis pointed out.
“That is how it usually works,” Claire responded with a smirk.
“Hmmm,” was all Geillis said in reply. “Anyway, ye enjoy yer lunch. I’ll see ye later.”
“Bye,” they called together.
Claire turned to look at Jamie, a frown on her face. “I think it’s nice that we enjoy each other’s company so much.”
Jamie shook his head, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “I do too. Geillis is the weird one.”
“Well that’s always been the case,” Claire agreed with a laugh as they settled back in for the rest of their lunch.
~~~
Geillis’s plan had gone well and getting the group on board had been easy. The others had seen the importance of changing their venues a bit for John’s sake, though none of them ever said anything to him about it. Much like the plan they’d been about to make for John with a cycle of whose house he should spend nights at, they also rotated who hosted the group when they were getting together. Things had felt the same but seeing John feel comfortable had made everyone relax more.
After the big events near the start of the year, life had finally calmed down and settled into a routine. It took a simple text from Jamie telling Claire that he’d picked up their dry cleaning for her to take note of the changes in her life. And the biggest and best change was how happy she was. She’d been happy as long as they’d been together, but living together had upped the ante.
Before they’d moved in together, they still spent most nights together, but now there was no question. If Claire wasn’t at the hospital, she was able to be spending time with the man she loved. Intertwining their lives even more had gone more smoothly than she’d ever expected. Both of them were just truly happy to be with the other and it made everything else easier. Claire just went about her life, knowing it was the best it had ever been.
She had no way of knowing the other shoe would drop soon.
It was mid-April and Claire had just walked into the staff room at the end of the day to get her things when she heard a knock at the door. Turning around, she saw Jamie standing in the doorway with an odd look on his face.
“Hey!” she greeted, quickly grabbing her things. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you I had a normal shift.”
“Aye, ye did,” Jamie confirmed, “but I just needed to see ye.” His face fell slightly as he said it.
Claire steeled herself for whatever news he was going to drop. It wasn’t like Jamie to stop by the hospital without any warning, and certainly not when they were about to be home soon. Claire threw her bag over her shoulder and walked towards him. “Jamie, what’s wrong?” She reached out and ran a hand along his cheek. “Is everything okay?”
Jamie sighed out a ragged breath. “I dinna ken.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist, trying her best to comfort him even if she didn’t know what was bothering him. “What is this about? Are Jenny and the kids okay?”
“Aye, they’re fine.” He took a deep breath, his body tense. “Do ye recall that offer Dougal made me at Hogmanay?”
Claire drew back, horror no doubt showing on her face. She’d forgotten it. In their full reconciliation and John’s attack and moving in together, she’d truly blocked out that whole part of the holidays. Her breath came short as she waited for Jamie to continue. She gave him a small nod, urging him to continue.
“Let’s go get a drink,” Jamie suggested.
Claire grabbed ahold of the front of his shirt. “Jamie Fraser, don’t you dare take another step before you tell me why you brought that up. You better tell me right now if you’ve been transferred. I can’t wait until we get to some bar.”
Jamie flashed her a small smile despite himself. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. “I havena been transferred. Yet.”
She felt relief and despair at the same time. It was no doubt the way Jamie was feeling as well. He wasn’t gone yet, but there was still a chance it could happen. Life had been too good, so naturally this wrench had to be thrown. “Yeah, let’s go get a drink,” she agreed, lacing her fingers through his as she led him from the hospital.
They were seated in a corner table at a quiet pub not far from the hospital, both of them with a drink in hand. “Okay, tell me what happened. What’s got you so shaken?”
Jamie sighed, choosing to take a deep drink of his beer. “Alright, so ye recall that Dougal said they’re expanding to New York.”
“Of course.”
“So they’ve apparently gotten far enough in that endeavor that they’re starting to staff that office,” Jamie explained.
“And do you think they’re going to send you there even though you said no?” Claire pressed.
“I canna decide if that’s the endgame or if they’re going to make me suffer at my current position until I ask to be moved there,” Jamie revealed. Claire furrowed her brow as she took a drink of her own beer. Jamie continued explaining. “So a memo went out today saying that staffing changes were being made to accommodate the new office in America and that they wanted experienced people running that office so that it could be successful. Essentially, they’re slowly shutting down the marketing department here in London. They’re making a UK marketing team and a US marketing team. After the memo went out, most of the people in my department were handed new orders from people above me.”
“But you didn’t get one?” Claire asked, triple checking.
“No, but I’m sure it’s coming. Unless, like I said, they just want me to be so miserable that when they give me the offeragain, I’m sure to take it.” Jamie shook his head, glaring down into his drink. “But there’s always the chance they’ll just transfer me anyway. There are three of us left in my department including me. Most of the people were sent to New York though others were sent back up to Scotland to help coordinate the UK office.” He took a deep breath, looking up at Claire with a helpless expression. “I just dinna ken what’s coming and it scares the hell out of me.”
It scared the hell out of her too. She’d been distrusting of Dougal Mackenzie since the moment she officially met him in Rupert’s kitchen over a year ago. The slimy man seemed like he would do anything to benefit himself. It started as a family company, but Claire had her assumptions that the Mackenzie brothers did not share the same values that other small companies might. She had no doubt that if they needed Jamie somewhere else, they’d disregard anything he said and send him there, no matter the fact that he was their nephew. What would their options be then? They’d just moved in together. She couldn’t lose him to New York.
Claire sighed deeply, reaching out to grab Jamie’s hand. The last thing he needed on top of all this was her fears. “It’ll be okay,” she said, hoping her voice sounded stronger to him than it did to her own ears.
Jamie laid his hand over hers, looking down at them as he shook his head. “Will it though? What if they do end up transferring me, mo nighean donn?”
Claire shook her head as she shrugged. “Well then we go to New York. We can find some nice apartment we can’t really afford and we’ll see some Broadway shows that you’ll hate and we’ll make it work.”
Jamie stared at her for a long moment, his hands tightening on hers. “We?” he asked, his voice small.
Claire flashed him a smile. “Yes, we.”
Jamie closed his eyes. She swore she saw a smile on his face before it quickly disappeared. “I canna ask ye to do that, Claire. Ye just moved back here. Ye have a contract at the hospital and ye’re only a year into it. Ye canna just up and move back to the other side of the pond.”
“Well you’re not really asking. I volunteered,” she reminded him. “And I can do whatever the hell I bloody well please. Yes, I’d have to break my contract at the hospital, but it would be okay.” Jamie started to disagree but she tightened her hold on him as she leaned forward. “I can find a new job, Jamie, one I’ll easily like as much as this one. But I’m not going to find another you.” He stared at her with a look of awe and disbelief. “I love you, Jamie Fraser, and I’m not letting you move across the world without me. If you go, I go. That’s all there is to it.”
She swore she saw tears brimming in his eyes as he picked up her hand and laid a kiss on it. “I dinna ken what I’d do wi’out ye. I love ye so much, Sassenach.”
Claire smiled, wishing they’d gotten a bigger table so she could move around to his side. “You really think I’d let you go there on your own?”
“I wouldna blame ye if ye did,” Jamie admitted. “I dinna want to go, so why should ye have to?”
“Because I can’t bloody well do without you,” Claire promised him.
Jamie shook his head as he gazed at her. “I canna say what I ever did right in my life to earn ye.”
Claire laughed out loud, leaning her head back. “Some prize you’ve got.”
He looked at her with an earnest expression, “Yeah, actually it is.” He held her gaze for a long moment before looking down at their hands. “Thank ye for saying all ye did, Sassenach.” He looked to her once more. “It makes the future seem a bit less scary. I still dinna want to move, but knowing I wouldna be losing ye in it all makes it seem more manageable.”
“You won’t lose me,” she assured. “And we’ll figure out the rest as it comes. It’s the best we can do, right?”
Jamie grinned at her. “You and me against the world, aye?”
Claire nodded in agreement, raising her glass to him. “Just the way it should be.”
Next chapter
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kitty35 · 5 years
Text
Our Field
Lee Felix x Reader - War AU (A/n - First, for those who requested stuff, I’m posting some of them tomorrow so don’t worry! Second, this is based off Steven Universe so if it sounds familiar then that’s why)
Type - some fluff, some angst
Warnings - violence, death, blood, rebelling, things of that nature
Summary - “The common folk say this one is a Gardenia.” His smile was soft and held so much sincerity, “You look beautiful with it.” My cheeks turned pink as my eyes widened - my mouth opening and closing like a fish. “Sir, I- Sir, this isn’t-“ I couldn’t find the words and stuttered for a second before he gently placed a finger under my chin, making me go quiet.
~~
For a second the world seemed to stop as I stood where I last saw him. I wasn’t sure if I was breathing quickly or not at all. Baby’s Breath and Gardenia plants crawled up the broken down ships and machines only to mingle and live with the green vines that were already there. So much life now lived right here. Right where nothing used to grow only so little ago.
Right where I lost him.
“Hey, are you okay?” I heard Woojin ask as he placed a hand on my shoulder. This seemed to pull me from my trance as I turned to look at him. He was older then me and yet he always followed every single one of my orders diligently.
“I-“ I paused while looking down to the flowers once more, “I don’t know.” The words were just whispers on my lips but in the quiet meadow, they were clear. I crouched down and gently touched one of the white flowers.
“What are we doing here?” He asked as I stood back up and walked around slowly. He followed a little behind me.
“You know, this is where it all started.” Woojin knew what I was talking about but he let me continue since I’ve never talked about it so openly and calmly before. “This is where Felix and I started the rebellion how ever many years ago.” I chuckled slightly, “He was always so infatuated by this place - by the land and how everything grew and thrived. It’s funny, almost. How such a small thought - something that was never meant to be said - turned into all this.” As I spoke about the past, my mind began to wonder.
“Sir! Please slow down!” I called out to my leader, who I was set to look after, while running to catch up to him.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He asked once I was at his side. I hadn’t realized that we now stood in a field of white flowers. The sight of it took my breath away. The bright whites on top of the crisp greens. How the air smelled sweet and fresh. The dull blue sky that was still so beautifully clear.
“Yes, it is.” I mumbled as he leaned down. In his hand laid a white flower that I’d never seen before. Felix walked closer to me and smiled before reaching over and placing it in my hair. I noticed the sparkles in his eyes as he stared at me for a few seconds.
“The common folk say this one is a Gardenia.” His smile was soft and held so much sincerity, “You look beautiful with it.” My cheeks turned pink as my eyes widened - my mouth opening and closing like a fish.
“Sir, I- Sir, this isn’t-“ I couldn’t find the words and stuttered for a second before he gently placed a finger under my chin, making me go quiet.
“It’s okay. I know this isn’t how we’re supposed to live.” His voice seemed sad as he spoke. His eyes left mine and went to my lips for only a second before falling to the floor. They didn’t stay there for long and he was soon looking back at the scenery once more. “But please, can I have this? If only for a few seconds?” Very gently - very hesitantly - I reached for his hand and linked out pinkies together. His eyes traveled to our hands before going back to my eyes.
“Of course…Felix.” It felt weird to call him by his name, but something about it felt right. Our foreheads pressed together as he smiled.
“I wish we could save this. After we expand, nothing will live here anymore. It’ll just be dead space.” His eyes sparkled with a plan as they bored into mine, “Let’s stop them.”
Those three words threw me off. I didn’t know it then but those three words would change my whole life in just seconds. I knew I only had two choices for an answer and he knew what would happen if I wasn’t with him. I could turn him in to the government and they would get rid of the threat, or I could say-
“Okay.”
“It was such an insane idea at the time. Trying to stop expansion. We only had each other and nothing else.” I sat down on the grass and Woojin sat with me. “But it took off and people began to follow and fight. Soon we meet you and Chan and Jisung and the others. We didn’t look like much but hell, we fought like we didn’t care if we died.”
“I don’t think we did care.” Woojin chuckled slightly.
“Yeah.” I breathed out. “Do you remember Felix’s first speech before the first real fight?”
“How could anyone forget?” He was right, how could anyone forget that day?
“Are you sure about this? You don’t have to do this.” Felix asked softly, his back facing me.
“What do you mean?” He turned to face me and I paused. His face was covered in guilt.
“You have to understand the situation we’re in.” Despite the almost harsh words he said, he still spoke in a soft and loving tone. “If we loose, we’ll be killed and if we win, we can never go home.”
“Why would I want to go home, when you’re here?” I laced our hands together and looked up to him.
“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered as our foreheads pressed together. I closed my eyes and smiled at the proximity. Slowly, one of his hands left mine and cupped my chin to lightly tilt my head so he could place a kiss to my cheek.
“And so are you.” For a few more seconds we stayed like that before people outside the tint we were in began to cheer and call for their leader. “We’re in this together.”
“Till our last breath.” He whispered then pulled away. Once he turned around and walked out the tint, he was a different man. He wasn’t my Felix, he was the leader of this rebellion. The leader it needed.
“Today we fight.” He started, “Not for tomorrow but for the future. For our children's future and for their children’s future!” He went on as the fight drew nearer and nearer - closer and closer.
“Can I ask you something?” Woojin asked softly.
“Of course.”
“What was he to you?” The question made me pause.
“He was my everything. Everything I ever did, I did for him” I wouldn’t sugar coat it because my words were true. “I wouldn’t even be alive if it wasn’t for him. He cared and fought for me when I couldn’t. I’d always do the same for him. He truly kept our promise. I’m not exaggerating when I say, he really was - and still is - my everything.”
“What was the promise?”
“To love each other till our last breath.”
“FELIX!” I screamed as I watched him fall to his knees. Blood began to pour from his chest as I grabbed his face. “No, no, no, please, no.” I begged and begged while picking him up and trying to find someone - anyone - who could help him.
“(Y/n).” He breathed out when I began to panic. I looked down to him before setting him down and trying to stop the blood, not even sure how this happened despite having watched it unfold just seconds ago.
“You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.” I put so much pressure on his chest that I was sure it was hard for him to breath. But I didn’t care. As long as he made it out alive.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered as his bloody hand reached up to rest on my tear covered cheek. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you longer. That I couldn’t love you longer.”
“No, don’t say that. You’re going to make it.”
“Please, don’t lie to me in my last seconds to see you.” Those words shattered me. “Let me hold you, one last time.” Instantly I brought him into my arms and hugged him, not caring that we were both covered in blood. Not caring that the field we laid in seemed to taunt us. The place that once brought me so much joy - the place Felix first brought me - now just laughed. Everything was dying. The grass was gone and the sky seemed to be a permanent red color. No flowers or vines were able to grow anymore due to the stomping of soldiers and the blood of battle.
“I love you Felix.” I kept repeating the phrase over and over again while grasping onto him for dear life. Grasping onto him as if it would save him.
It didn’t.
He pulled back and gave me one final kiss goodbye. I kissed back. I wanted it to last forever but it didn’t. His lips stopped moving against mine and his head fell back. My eyes opened to see my love dead in my arms. I laid him down and fell into his chest. My hands gripped his shirt and I refused to let go of him, not believing this was happening. I felt as if I let go then he might really be dead - so I held on. “(Y/N)!” I heard Chan screaming at me - yelling to let go and to get up and fight, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t till he physically ripped me from Felix and shoved a weapon in my hand that I realized where I truly was. That I realized what had to be done. I finished the battle with my loves blood covering my body, painting the floor with others, and leading us to our goal.
From that day on, I was the leader.
“I didn’t know that.”
“No one besides Chan and now you know it.” I whispered while staring at the sky. “This field that we worked so hard to defend. This is where it started, where he ended, and where the war ended.”
“Wow.”
“I know.” It was quiet, “I miss him. I don’t think a single day goes by where I don’t. I wonder what he would say right now if he was here.”
“I’m sure he’d tell you he loves you.” Woojin mumbled, “He seemed to truly love you.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, my hand pulling at a small gardenia and bringing it up to my nose before placing it in my hair. With a deep breath, I laid back and let the day consume me. It truly felt is if he were right there with me in our field.
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caranfindel · 5 years
Text
Recap/review 14.13: “Lebanon”
THEN: They hit me right in the face with gorgeous young 1.01 Dean saying "Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days" and beautiful baby 1.01 Sam saying "we've got work to do" and we end with 14.12 and Sam furiously punching his brother and then furiously hugging him and Dean saying "let's go home" and does anything else matter? No.
NOW: We see the reflection of Sam and Dean walking up to a pawn shop, with a nice selection of guitars and sunglasses and that weird monkey that was in Rocky's Bar. The proprietor seems friendly enough. Dean flashes him a wad of hundred dollar bills because they're looking for "the really good stuff." This gains them admittance into a secret back room full of things hunters would be interested in, including a hockey mask (?) and a perfume atomizer full of dragon's breath. They tell the guy they're looking for the skull of a specific woman who was executed during the Salem witch trials, and the fact that he has it basically proves that he killed the friend of theirs who previously owned it. (Also Sam picks up a teddy bear and starts to pull the string to make it speak and the guys warns him not to and this is Dean's role, isn't it, messing with things he shouldn't be messing with? But I don't care because chastized Sam and eye-rolly Dean are precious to me.)
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Sam goes through a ledger of the guy's inventory and says he's got a lot of occult objects that they should take with them. (Dean plays with the dragon's breath. Sam ducks and flinches and does the really, Dean? thing with his hands and face. I laugh again.) Dean agrees they should take the stuff home.
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Title card!
The Impala zooms past a sign welcoming us to Lebanon, Geographical Center of the USA. Then we find ourselves in front of a movie theater showing Beetlejuice and Hell Hazers (All Saints' Day is coming soon, and I imagine Route 666 can't be far behind), where a group of teenagers is talking about... somebody. "People say they're brothers," a kid in a knit cap says, "but all I know is, I was standing right here, and I heard this bam from the trunk of their car. And then, this like, shallow breathing." I'm pretty sure this is a fake-out, and it will turn out he's talking about someone else, but the Impala pulls up in front of the theater and Knit Cap Kid says "that's them!"
As the Winchesters get out of the car and enter a liquor store (decorated with that Family Business neon sign from Rocky's), Sam is still reading the ledger, which lists things like a hangman's rope, fairy dust, and John Wayne Gacy's cigar box. Well, that's oddly specific! The guy working there greets the "Campbell brothers" and knows their usual order. Oh, wow. I love that they're actually known in Lebanon, and that they're going by Campbell. And we know that actual Lebanon, Kansas is too small to have a movie theater or this much business downtown, but I'm happy to handwave that.
What do you mean, "happy to handwave that?" You're always complaining about the inaccuracies regarding tiny Lebanon having traffic cams and whatnot.
Well, maybe this episode just MAKES ME HAPPY, okay?
Anyway. Sam thinks cataloguing the confiscated items would be a good way to take Dean's mind off "things," but Dean's pretty convinced nothing will ever take his mind off that.
Outside, the teens are asking where the guys even come from, and what about their weird trenchcoat-wearing sidekick, and "that kid with the dumb Bambi look on his face all the time" (!) One girl says that, whatever the deal is with these guys, they do have an awesome car, and no one can argue with that. And the other girl, Max, who seems to smitten with the first girl, gets an idea.
Inside, Sam has discovered something significant in the ledger - the "beyzoo" (no, I know that's not how you spell it), which is one of eight ancient Chinese treasures. A pearl that gives you "what your heart desires." Oooh, getting rid of Michael, maybe? But as the guys are discussing this, Dean sees the Impala drive by the window. Guess Max figured out how to impress that other girl! (BTW, there are couple of COOL old trucks on the street.)
The guys see Knit Cap Kid standing on the sidewalk looking confused, and while Sam tells him the car is dangerous to whoever stole it, Dean looks like he wants to murder someone. And yet the Winchesters are confused when the kid says he doesn't want to die. (Or get locked in the trunk!) He says Max is new and he doesn't know where she lives. Dean raises a fist, but Sam pulls him away.
MURDER. I'D MURDER THEM.
Post office. There's a poster of stamps featuring old cars behind the customer service counter. I'm really getting my old truck fix tonight. Sam comes in with his sweet anxious smile and asks for help finding the girl who washed his car, since he forgot to tip her. Post Office Lady is not amused or helpful, or the least bit swayed by his sweet anxious smile. Then Dean comes in and calls her by name and asks about her grandson and she MELTS and he gets sincere and puts his hand on hers and she does exactly what I would do, which is offer up ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTHING AT ALL, WOULD YOU LIKE MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER WHILE I'M AT IT? Unfortunately, all she knows is where Max's mother works.
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SAM’S FACE.
(Sidebar: Have I mentioned that Sam is wearing that nice blue jacket from the episode where he killed the alpha vampire? I like it. Toss that stupid orange jacket, Sam, and wear this more often. And Dean's wearing the black jacket that I always love.)
At the restaurant where Max's mom works, we learn that she has no idea where her daughter is, because she was supposed to be in school. But the guy working in the kitchen knows February 7 is Skip Day (is it always February 7? what about when that falls on a weekend?) and that she'll probably be at a party at this old house on Route 36. (Yes, I did confirm that Route 36 is just outside of Lebanon. Yes, I did use Mapquest. I'm old school up in here, y'all.)
Party house. The little batch of delinquents has taken all the boxes of occult objects out of the Impala for some reason. Including the evil teddy bear. Luckily, someone announces "pizza's here" before a girl pulls the teddy bear's string. At some point I've got to find out what would happen if you pulled it. Fic it for me, friends! (Also, I just noticed the teddy bear's mouth is SEWN SHUT and that's not creepy AT ALL.) The camera slowly pans to a wooden box, and we watch the lid open to reveal a smoky/dusty ghost hand. With a ruffled sleeve. Uh oh.
Knit Cap Kid runs in to warn the partiers that "those guys" are looking for Max, and he's told to chill. Another teen goes into the bathroom, where the mirror frosts over and then the CREEPIEST CLOWN EVER comes out of it. Seriously, creepier than the clown in Plush, which you wouldn't think was possible.
The Winchesters pull up in yet another antique truck, where Dean greets his car with "Baby, Baby, please tell me you're not hurt." Sam's more concerned about the boxes of dangerous occult objects missing from the back seat. Ghost Kid comes running outside and the girl following him tells the brothers that he saw a clown ghost that tried to kill him. Maybe it's my imagination, or maybe Sam has a flash of crap, a killer clown ghost expression before they run into the house.
Dean announces they're FBI and everyone needs to get out, now. Once the room is cleared, he asks if "anything screams clown to you?" Sam immediately notices John Wayne Gacy's cigar box and guys, I'm ashamed to say I didn't put the two together until now. The killer clown ghost is John Wayne Gacy. And Sam is freaked the fuck out about it. "We should burn that right now," Dean says, in a lovely holding-in-the-freakout way, and Sam rushes to throw it into the fireplace. Then Dean says "I mean, this is like a best worst thing that's ever happened, because you love serial killers, but you hate clowns" and I'm DEAD. (I'm also loving TWO gifts from the Continuity Fairy in once sentence.) The lights start flashing before Sam can get his lighter lit, and then the killer clown ghost shows up and tosses Dean around. Knit Cap Kid and the girls run back inside just in time to watch John Wayne Gacy's ghost go up in flames. So the kids get the "monsters are real" speech and are told to keep it secret.
Back at the bunker, Sam's going through the occult goodies and thinks he found the magic pearl. Dean's ready to use it right now, and dismisses Sam's suggestion that they call Mary or Cas. If it doesn't work, he doesn't want to have gotten their hopes up. Sam looks distressed at the idea it won't work, but agrees. The pearl doesn't come with any instructions, so Sam suggests Dean hold it and concentrate on what his heart desires. "Michael out of my head," Dean says, and I'd have been more specific. I'd have concentrated on Michael out of my head and destroyed, and me perfectly fine, but, well, what do I know?
(Also, I KNOW all you Wincest and Destiel fans are gonna have your own ideas about what - or who - appears in front of Dean when he’s granted what his heart desires. This setup is better than sex pollen. Have fun, my kinky little friends.)
Dean clutches the pearl and concentrates, and the lights flash and then go out, and in the red emergency light we see someone in the bunker. Someone fighty, who knocks both brothers down and then pulls out a shotgun and says "don't you move," but it's a familiar voice and then the lights come on and what do you know? Winchester Surprise!
So, was anybody truly surprised? I covered the guest stars on first viewing, as I always try to do, but I noticed on rewatch that they didn't even credit JDM at the beginning of the episode. Which they sometimes do, to avoid spoilers. And yet. Has there been a single episode of this series that was more spoiled? I don't think so.
(Sidebar: What do you think would have happened if Sam had taken the pearl and made a wish? I think Michael would be gone. Because I don't think there's anything Sam wants more than saving his brother.)
Back to our story. Everyone is shocked. John thinks Sam should be in Palo Alto, apparently in his 14th year of post graduate work. He thinks he's still in 2003, and he doesn't notice his boys are older. And they apparently don't notice that his hair is very short and a lot greyer than it was when we last saw him. (I mean, really, they slapped a wig on Samantha Smith to make her look like The Last Version Of Mary, so why couldn't they do the same thing with JDM? It's distracting.) Sam figures they must have accidentally summoned John from the past. So they do what one does in this situation - sit down and drink.
John's astonished. Dean's proud. Sam's visibly anxious. We don't get to see exactly how much of the backstory they tell him, but they do tell him about the apocalypse and Lucifer and living with "an angel and Lucifer's kid." And now John thinks he died "taking out Yellow Eyes," which... not really? But okay. And they don't tell him Mary's back, until he mentions her and Sam's, all, yeah, about Mom, and then she comes in and John hears her voice and tears up and dammit. This reunion is everything I didn't think I ever wanted. I mean, I've made no secret of the fact that I'm not a fan of John Winchester. He's a fascinating character and JDM does a great job with him, but he's such an awful father (don't bother arguing with me, you will not change my mind) that I can't really like him. And I'm not too impressed with resurrected Mary, either. But when these two come together... damn. It's good. It's very good. Well done, you two.
I love that the boys give them some privacy, because it's been over a decade since John saw them, but it's been even longer since he saw his dead wife, and this should really be a John and Mary reunion.
Out in the hall, Dean's gleeful and Sam's all, how the hell did this happen? Dean explains that he's wanted this since he was four years old (oh, my heart) but Sam warns that messing with time will not end well. I don't actually remember Sam being that concerned about the unintended consequences of time travel, but I'm sure there's a good reason he's bringing it up now. Dean doesn't care. Dean just wants one family dinner together (oh, my heart again, remembering his one last dinner with Mary).
Sam, sans Dean, runs into John in the library, because Mary's off making a shopping list and he decided he'd rather examine the bunker than be involved in that I guess? Okay. But then this happens.
I screwed up with you a lot, didn't I?
No, that's okay.
No, it's not. Sammy, tell me the truth.
I don't want to talk about that.
You didn't have a problem talking about it before you left.
Dad. For me, that fight, that was a lifetime ago. I don't even remember what I said. I mean, yeah, you know, you did some messed-up things. But I don't... I mean, when I think about you... and I think about you a lot... I don't think about our fights. I think about you... I think about you on the floor of that hospital, and I think about how I never got to say goodbye.
Sam. Son. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry too. But you did your best, Dad. You fought for us, and you loved us. And that's enough.
OH MY GOD. This is everything I ever wanted.
1. John admitting he was a crap parent to Sam.
2. Sam trying to sidestep that - because he's Sam Winchester and that's what he does - and John not letting him.
3. Sam finally calling him out instead of just saying nah, it's fine.
4. John calling him Sammy.
5. Sam pointing out that he didn't get a goodbye from John. (Did he ever find out that Dean got praise and an apology?)
6. John apologizing.
7. Sam forgiving him.
8. "And I think about you a lot."
9. The way Sam keeps having to stop talking and look away and make that little "hmmm" noise.
10. And the tears.
10b. The way Sam tears up even before The Talk, when he remembers them as kids trying to make Winchester Surprise.
11. The shaky voice.
12. And Sam's shirt.
13. And the way Sam's expression looks so much like his expression in Sacrifice, when he tells Dean that his confession was about how he let his brother down.
This, right here, is two minutes and 24 seconds of the best television I've ever seen. I don't care what else this episode does, this 2:24 is worth it. And yes, this is three weeks in a row that Jared Padalecki has ripped my heart out of my chest and STOMPED ON IT.
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And I love it.
Meanwhile, Dean gets the shopping list from Mary. Sam finds him and tells him he's right, because Sam also just got everything he ever wanted, and then offers to go shopping with him. (Saaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!)
When they get to town, the guys split up - Sam to the grocery store, Dean to the liquor store. Dean's surprised to see the liquor store guy, the one who remembered his "usual" earlier in the day, has no idea who he is. If Dean had ever seen "It's a Wonderful Life," he might say this is just like when George Bailey goes into Martini's Bar and isn't recognized. But apparently Dean Winchester, pop culture aficionado, has never seen that movie (no, I haven't gotten over that, and I never will) so he doesn't recognize a classic uh oh, we changed the course of history moment when he experiences it.
Meanwhile, Sam steps out of the grocery store and finds that neither Max nor the postal clerk recognize him. And then he sees a wanted poster in the post office window. Dean Winchester, wanted for assault, murder, and credit card fraud. Whoops! He trots to the car, where Dean is waiting, and tells him they have a problem. "Yeah, we do," says Dean. "Check this out."
He shows Sam his phone and it's a video of SAM IN GLASSES AND A BLACK TURTLENECK AND SLICKED BACK HAIR GIVING A TED TALK. HE RUNS A LAW FIRM AND LOVES KALE. IT IS THE SECOND MOST AMAZING THING I'VE SEEN TONIGHT.
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HE'S STEVE JOBS.
So, those of you who were spoiled... did you know about this? Or did they actually keep THIS AMAZING THING under wraps?
Sam Jobs tells his audience that being your best leaves no time for hobbies or a family, and Sam has seen enough. He tells Dean about the wanted poster, and Dean says yes, of course he googled himself too ("a lot of beheadings," hee!!!) and wonders if there are alternate versions of them running around. Sam thinks it's a "temporal paradox," and time is self-correcting, changing to the new one. If they don't fix things, they'll become those alternate versions of themselves. "Well, I'm cool," Dean says, "but you're, ugh." Sam's less worried about them, and more worried about what else might have changed.
(Sidebar: You know, I could quibble about why bringing John forward in time has such a significant butterfly effect, but bringing Mary back, and their other time travel, and Henry's time travel, changed nothing. I absolutely could. But I choose not to, because SAM JOBS, Y'ALL. But okay, let's think about it. 2003 John would have disappeared while Sam was at Stanford. Dean wouldn't have gone to get Sam. Or Sam would have refused to go. Maybe the hurt on both sides was still too fresh. Maybe that's why Dean's hunting alone, and Sam's an internet-famous lawyer.)
What else has changed, you might ask? How about ZACHARIAH? That's right, my favorite angel is back. And with him is ORIGINAL FLAVOR CAS WITH HIS FLUFFY HAIR AND THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. Zachariah calls him "Constantine" and Castiel says "I don't understand that reference" and THANK YOU BABY JESUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THIS, BUT THANK YOU. They enter Max's mom's restaurant and ask who's been messing with time. (Because she would know?) And if they don't start talking, he'll have Cas murder all of them. "My name is Castiel," he intones solemnly. "I'm an angel of the Lord." YES YOU ARE. He reveals himself like he did to Dean (no, not like that, jeez) with the shadow wings. Outside, the Winchesters see the bright light of an angelic reveal coming through the restaurant windows, and they know something's up.
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They herd everyone out of the restaurant, and are shocked to see Cas and Zachariah. Zachariah is equally surprised to see them. He says they had big plans for the Winchesters, but then their father disappeared and... and he doesn't finish, so we'll never know why yoinking John out of 2003 changed any of that vessel stuff. (Handwave!) Cas, of course, doesn't know them, and when Zachariah orders him to kill them, he complies.
Dean pulls out an angel blade but is, of course, unwilling to actually kill Cas, so he starts hitting him with other things. And Cas, for whatever reason, doesn't just put a finger on his forehead and kill him dead. (Handwave!) Zachariah chokes Sam and asks him what they did, even though he can't talk because he's choking (handwave!) and Sam acts like he's trying to speak so Zachariah gets closer to hear him, and Sam stabs him with an angel blade. Cas continues fistfighting with both of them, and slams Sam head-first into a table a couple of times, leaving him spitting blood on the floor. Which Sam uses to paint an angel-banishing sigil while Cas is choking Dean. Smart Sam for the win!
Bunker. Pretty bruised Dean has explained the temporal paradox, and John accepts that he has to go back, or else Mary will probably disappear. "Okay," he says. "I mean, me versus your mom, that's not even a choice." DAMMIT JOHN WINCHESTER DO NOT MAKE ME CARE ABOUT YOU. Elsewhere, pretty bruised Sam explains it to Mary, and tells her John won't remember anything.
John tells Dean he never meant Dean to have this kind of life. He's proud of him, but he hoped he'd be able to have a normal life, with a family. "I have a family," Dean says. They sit down and have one final family meal together, and everyone's quiet and sad until John points out that they can either think about what's going to happen, or appreciate what they have right now. They cheer up and listen to Bob Seger (well, we listen to Bob Seger) and talk and laugh and have the family dinner Dean has always wanted.
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Later, while doing the dishes, Sam says how unfair it is that they all had this and then have to throw it away, and John has to go back to being Dad. He thinks it would be nice for John to go back knowing what he knows now. "I used to think that too," Dean says, and admits that he's blamed both John and Mary for their crappy lives. And if they could send him back to 2003, or even earlier, maybe none of the crap would happen. "But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Maybe. But I gotta be honest, I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are."
Later. Mary and John are holding hands, and I guess they're doing the thing now. I'd hoped they'd at least let these two have one last roll in the hay (especially since I'm pretty sure Mobby is permanently done after this), but no. They have a very sweet goodbye and their sons are brokenhearted and I am too. John tells his boys to take care of each other and Sam says "we always do." That's a nice change from telling Dean to take care of Sam, isn't it? He tells them both (BOTH) that he's proud of them and loves them, and they have a three-way hug and Sam wipes his eyes and Dean says "love you too" and I REALLY CAN'T, BOYS, YOU HAVE TO STOP. Then John takes Mary's hand again and Sam crushes the pearl (why does Sam have to be the one to do it?) and John glows and then fades away.
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We get a quick glimpse of downtown Lebanon returning to normal, and the three teens talking about how cool it is that "those guys hunt monsters," and then we're back to the bunker. Cas walks in the door and sees the remaining Winchesters, obviously distressed, and asks what happened. "Well, there's a story," says Dean.
And finally, we see the Impala WITH HER ORIGINAL KANSAS PLATE. John's asleep in the driver's seat when he gets a phone call from Dean. "No, I'm okay, I just had one hell of a dream. No, it was a good one."
GUYS. GUYS.
When I heard there was going to be a musical episode for the 200th, I was sure it would suck. When I heard about the Scooby Doo crossover, I cringed, because I knew it would be awful. WHY AM I ALWAYS SO WRONG.
Eh, who cares why. Let's just appreciate what we were given. Happy 300, my friends. Here's to 300 more.
(Please help me stay unspoiled for future episodes, thanks!)
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atopearth · 5 years
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Ikemen Revolution Part 6 - Sirius Oswald Route
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You’ve gotta admire how well Sirius can multitask lmao, he can continue a conversation with the heroine in the carriage whilst assessing the situation outside and give orders to the soldiers on their formation etc against the Red Army lol. Gotta appreciate how much he wanted to protect her from fear by making small talk to distract her, and then afterwards, he noticed that she was still pretty scared seeing how battered the carriage was in the aftermath of the attack, so he patted her head to comfort her and welcome her to their big family with good food hahaha. I’ve always liked Sirius so I’m super excited about this route btw and seeing his actions, I’m already in love😍
I always love seeing how considerate and meticulous Seth is, decorating her room, making her feel at home, giving her a tour etc, he’s such a sweet guy. Hahahaha, I love how she’s so scared of Sirius that when she saw him pick up a knife in the kitchen or whatever, she asked him to spare her life LOL. Relax, heroine! He’s been protecting you this whole time, why would he kill you now lollll. I can understand fear against the Red Army but c'mon, Sirius doesn’t look that scary! He’s obviously cooking something for you since you haven’t eaten for a whole day! I’ll cut her some slack though, she just arrived into an unknown world with unknown people at war and there are people that seem like they want to kill her, so it’s natural to be so scared. Omgg he wiped her mouth with a napkin, he’s so subtly forward, he probably doesn’t mean anything by it since he’s probably just accustomed to taking care of people but kyaaa~~
He even baked her croissants for breakfast?!? And got her tea and fruit?! Can he be any more considerate and perfect?! Lmao, the thought of Sirius holding a watering can watering flowers whilst watching over the training of his soldiers is just so hilarious to me😂😂 I was wondering why he got her to wake up so early to watch them train, it was actually to show her how strong, hardworking and capable these guys are and how dedicated they are to their training, and how they’ll definitely protect her, so that was nice of Sirius to do, I mean showing is better than telling! LOL that a raccoon was trying to flying tackle the heroine, and it only served to create a beautiful romantic moment where Sirius hugged her to protect her, but I like it😍😍 LOL, Sirius is in charge of everything, from personnel to inventory management on stuff like cooking supplies. It was legit so hilarious when Seth and Luka were like it’s the end of the world that they ran out of olive oil and grapeseed oil to mix with the pasta, and then Sirius comes by telling them he ordered some and even picked some fresh oregano since he thought it’d go well with the pasta hahahaha. Why is Sirius so perfect?😂😂
HAHAHA, I love Sirius, he’s such a tease and I love it when they ruffle the heroine’s hair, it’s so cuteee~ Funniest thing was when he gave her jobs to do, and they were all simple odd jobs like peeling a bag of potatoes and tending to weeds, best thing was that every time he gave her a job, he also gave her a snack LOL, and they’re such yummy snacks like cream puffs etc!! He’s gonna get her fat at this rate🤣🤣 I wonder if the girl at the flower shop is someone he previously dated!😮 So funny when it was actually radish seeds that she gifted him when the heroine thought they would be flower seeds, and now he’s teasing her for being a glutton and that he’ll make her radish salad when they’re ready🤣
Lmao when the heroine underestimated how hard it would be to take care of Chutney (Sirius’ pet raccoon), I’m surprised she didn’t realise considering it nearly tackled her before lol. The destruction that the raccoon does is magnificent though, enough that Ray and Fenrir have to halt their meeting to keep their pets safe hahaha. Lmao at the heroine and Chutney bonding so well (after she got through to it since they were both picked up and cared for by Sirius lmao) that they’re even scrubbing curtains together hahaha. Lmao at the guys having to force Sirius to have a day off by using the heroine to walk around with him, it was so sweet when he told her that today was the first time in his life that he could truly relax, since he was spending time with her. He’s such a workaholic!
Well, that was the most pointless meeting between the two armies, it was legit just, no we don’t surrender, okay we’ll go to war tomorrow, see ya. Like, was that supposed to be a constructive meeting?! Seriously. The five minutes Lancelot gave Sirius to talk to him was more productive, since Sirius believes that there’s more to the reason why Lancelot’s so adamant on this war and since he wants peace above everything, he wants to know what it is to stop and help Lancelot. No idea why Harr appeared out of nowhere to kill Lancelot though… Ooh, so the Black Army had kept asking Sirius to become the king until Ray came along. I’m assuming Sirius only really joined because he wanted to save Lancelot or something?
I can understand Sirius’ sentiments for not wanting to use the heroine’s power to repel magic though, he’s right. In the end, this is war and if the heroine participates in it, even if it’s just repelling magic, she is inadvertently pushing the Red Army back and giving an advantage to the Black Army soldiers to possibly kill the Red Army soldiers, so she could be basically contributing to their deaths. I’m glad Sirius thought about that and so he didn’t want her to carry such burdens and dirty her clean hands for them when she doesn’t need to and shouldn’t. He’s so thoughtful, it kills me☺️☺️ I love Sirius, I seriously do, omg. When the heroine spotted him with the watering can during their time at war, and he talked about how the Black Army was fighting to protect their everyday lives, so if they neglect to take care of their home and to love it as sacrifice for winning the battle, then they’ve got their priorities backwards, and when I read that, I thought he was so right, so so right! It’s exactly because it’s wartime that it’s even more important to take care of their everyday since it’s at risk of being toppled!
I guess Sirius is that kinda guy huh? Someone who likes things and takes everything in moderation, so that he can stay calm and collected to fulfill his duties. He’s not emotionless but in a sense, you could say he’s become numb to a lot of things because his position doesn’t allow him to be too emotional or the morale of the army will dwindle. Which is why he’s a serious guy but also likes to joke every now and then, he tries to balance everything, including himself because he needs to be in control. Guess he won’t be able to control his feelings for the heroine though🙃 Considering how the heroine is always so straightforward, trying her best to help and wearing her emotions on her sleeve, I guess he’s attracted to how sincere she is in everything she does. But dang that kiss on the forehead was cuteeee.
Loved how well Sirius’ plan went! Omgg drunk Sirius pulling the heroine to the sofa with him saying he doesn’t want to be alone is the cutest thing ever!!!!😍😍 So cute when Sirius blushed at the heroine knowing that he likes things lively rather than being alone, and it was just so peaceful to see them enjoy a cup of coffee together watching over the others~~ But lmaoo at Seth pointing at them to the others proving that there’s something going on between them🤣 LOLL at Luka asking Seth , what does he mean by Sirius stealing the heroine’s heart, “aren’t her ribs in the way?” hahahaha, you’re so cute Luka lmaoo. LOL at the guys confronting her to ask if she really does like him and she practically immediately admits it🤣 Lolll at Sirius hearing everything and seeing them discuss happily how she’s going to win his heart hahaha, that is definitely a hard conversation to walk into😂
Sirius playing with the heroine’s hair is like the cutest moment ever. I didn’t think Harr was actually school friends with both Sirius and Lancelot though, and that Harr’s recruitment by the Tower and subsequent banishment into becoming a wanted man actually motivated Lancelot to want to mend the Red and Black barrier even more. OHHH, so the woman who sold the heroine those radish seeds was actually Sirius’ sister! That’s his family business! No wonder why he seems to put so much care into flowers and just the garden in general, he knows about them really well since his family business is a flower shop! Tbh it’s kinda crazy to think that someone as capable as Sirius really just wanted to take care of flowers for the rest of his life, I guess it’s something nice and calming, so great for the Sirius that doesn’t like to fight. It’s so cute how he still remembers that Lancelot once upon a time said that when he becomes the King of Hearts and rids of the conflict between the two armies, he would fly here and buy flowers from Sirius. It sounds like such a silly but sweet dream haha.
It must have been very hurtful for Harr during that meeting 7 years ago. He trusted Lancelot and Sirius and called them out, but instead of being listened to, Lancelot attacked him and everyone came out injured physically and emotionally from that meeting. Things had changed for them and they could no longer be the naive and simple kids they once were, especially Sirius…since he essentially gave up on his dream to take care of the flower shop in order to try and save Lancelot and Harr from whatever that is restricting them… Damn right heroine, you tell him!! Sirius, you’re definitely not an old man! You’re mature, caring and a great gentleman! Omgg, when he wrapped his arm around her and let her cuddle against him to “return the favour” of her listening to him etc since she needed some comforting, I was like this is so sweeeet!
It was so good to see Lancelot finally tell Sirius everything and tell him that he still thinks Sirius looks best in an apron and a watering can rather than a soldier uniform. You can really see how much he really cherishes Sirius. It was so tough to keep all this to himself. I was so touched when Sirius said he had found a third wish he wanted to come true no matter what (first two was save Lancelot and bring Harr back into the light) and it was for the heroine to be happy and safe and that Cradle isn’t that place anymore. But omggg, even more touched when he bought her the right sized shoes this time, I never thought he’d actually remember so well about how he got it wrong the first time, so he wants the last gift he gives her to be shoes in the right size. It’s just so…perfect. The kisses were also👌👌
Kinda wanted to see Sirius, Harr and Lancelot combine their strengths to defeat Amon but it’s okay I guess, since we got to see Sirius come all the way to the Land of Reason to pick the heroine up back to Cradle, shows how much he really wants her to really stay with him for the rest of his life😊 So cute when all the Black Army guys were so happy about her return though hahaha, the thought of Ray rubbing her head, Fenrir pinching her cheeks, Luka gripping her hand and Seth hugging her, dangg that harem sounds nice🤣 It’s also really cute how all their actions show their personalities so well☺️ Kinda disappointed in the romantic ending since it just described their kisses and that’s all, but it was cute that Lancelot could get Sirius riled up with a letter and confess his love properly to the heroine lol. Anyway, all good, the CG was super pretty so that made up for it haha.
Overall, I loved Sirius. He didn’t disappoint at all. He was mature, gentlemanly, kind and considerate, he was definitely the whole package haha. Such a great guy that takes care of everyone but is also very passionate and will give everything for his friends. Nothing to complain about in this route and I have to say, I like it just as much as Fenrir’s, they’re my top two for sure!
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lightsandlostbells · 5 years
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Druck season 2, episode 4 reaction
I want to thank turtleneck boy because I truly miss the fandom running wild with every detail and coming up with theories, I mean that sincerely. God bless you, sweater man.
Episode 4
Clip 1 - Motto selection 
We have the graduating class looking at mottos. Amira and Leonie are leading the meeting. Leonie sure likes to lead school activities. We also have Mia, Hanna, Jonas, and Matteo in attendance. I really like seeing more school activities, especially since the hero party thing wrapped up last season, and this seems like a particularly German tradition from what I can tell, so it’s a cool thing to include.
Jonas is wearing a fedora today and like, he’s rocking it and twirling it around and stuff, but baby, you gotta be aware of the implications.
They’re picking out a motto, but as Leonie emphasizes with finger quotes, these are “the best” and Amira says none of them are great. “Photoshop-Philipp” put together some examples of the logos. His name is Markus. He’s the theater kid from the first season, with his hair tied back and I never would have recognized him if fandom hadn’t pointed him out.
That dude in the black turtleneck sent us all into conspiracy mode. Initially he was giving me German Even vibes, too. Was this their version of kosegruppa? He smiles when Matteo starts laughing at Photoshop Philipp, and his body language is angled toward Matteo, kinda, could that be a clue??? Why would they give us a random close-up of that guy when Jonas starts talking about CannABIs, when he doesn’t have a line at that moment or anything? Why was he tying his shoe for so long? Surely Druck is trying to tell us something!
Yet apparently it has been confirmed that he is not German Even, but is some random extra who’s been popping up in school scenes. That was a fun few days of speculation, though.
When the cannabis-themed logo pops up, Jonas says that there are some students in this school who are critical of the dangers of smoking weed, and he’s definitely directing that toward Hanna (he looks at her at the end, and Hanna looks over her shoulders and rolls her eyes). Nice bit of passive-aggressiveness there.
Another one is a parody of the alt-right Germany party (AFD) logo. Jonas likes that direction. Some random girl doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to give more attention to the party, but Amira and Mia think it’s funny. You know, kinda cool that these random students are getting a voice this season - like in the classroom debate, or the discussion here. It’s not just the main characters having all the dialogue in these scenes, it makes it feel a little more like an actual school, if that makes sense. (ETA: @randomfinny and @hyperfictional pointed out that she’s actually German Sara. Lol, I never would have recognized her, so thank you!)
I laughed at Jonas and Matteo being lazy in the back of the class. and them both putting their heads down. They’re in sync!
Suddenly there’s Axel walking in! Good thing Kiki isn’t part of this meeting. Did he join just to hang out with Mia? 
I will say this, I am not complimentary toward Alex, but we’ve seen more of a personality from him thus far than with William, imo. He’s been shown to have some political opinions, and this shows a little bit of creativity/initiative on his part. He seems pretty pleased with his design/logo. He thinks it’s pretty gangster.
His logo is Abi Chaker Clan 2019, which is a reference to a family in Berlin with ties to organized crime? It doesn’t mean much to me as a non-German, but I’m going to take that it’s clever. Most of the group seems to like it. Jonas and Matteo approve. Markus doesn’t understand it. He’s like the only one other than Mia who’s not on board, lol. They take a vote, everyone puts their hands up except Mia. Hanna tells her that it’s better than others, so Mia reluctantly raises her hand. Even when she does so, she’s pointedly looking away from Alex.
As they leave, Jonas sticks his fedora on Matteo’s head. Be still my heart.
They’re going to have another meeting on Friday, Alex offers his place. Mia isn’t gonna be happy about that!
I will say this, this is what I wanted for Noorhelm remakes - give them something to work on that isn’t them dating, like a school project or whatever. Although now I’m like … they could have started with this stuff, the graduation committee, and not gotten into the whole renewed Kiki/Alex angle which makes this all messier and more complicated and harder to be on team Alex or team Winterberg. And I get that’s probably what they were going for, throwing more obstacles into the story so Mia still has doubts about being with Alex, but it also means I need that I need certain aspects addressed before I can fully get on board with this ship, and I’m afraid they won’t do that. Or I’m afraid that Mia’s flaws will be addressed but Alex’s will be excused.
That being said, I’m on team Amira with the decision to let Alex into the group. Sometimes you have to put personal feelings aside, and Alex’s involvement will benefit everyone else in the class by making the yearbooks cheaper. And tbh I don’t think it’s right to exclude someone from participating in a school group like this unless they’re actively disrupting the group itself, regardless of how much that person may have wronged me or my friends romantically.
When Mia starts to argue, Amira says that she knows the cost isn’t a big deal to Mia and some others, but other students came to her and said they couldn’t afford it. I wonder if Kiki was one of them… she probably wouldn’t tell that to Amira, though. Not in those words.
This isn’t Amira’s big secret, though, is it? Like Pawel isn’t some dude at the printing company, and she was just trying to keep it under wraps so Mia didn’t find out? I feel like her secret has to be bigger and more personal than that.
The question is, did Alex do this to get on Mia’s good side or to hang out with her? Or is he trying to engage and do something nice without expectations? Because I respect that second one more, obviously.
Amira is so lovely, I truly hope we get her season.
Clip 2 - Alex is hyped for Game of Thrones to return
Mia runs into Alex. She says they need to talk. He smirks and says, “Winter is coming,” and GOD FUCKING DAMMIT that made me laugh out loud. It’s so obvious but I laughed. 
You know, Mia looks a tiny bit like Daenerys Targaryen. 
There’s a shot of them walking down the path thing with the divider in the middle, oooo, ~symbolic. They meet at the end.
Mia tells him to stop grinning, and he says yes, sergeant Winter, and salutes. FUCK OFF that’s the second time I’ve laughed in this clip at this dude. I hate myself. 
She chews him out for becoming a “committing patron” and he’s all “??? I wanted to help??” And I will give this to him, he did actually help out the group regardless of intentions, so maybe let that one slide, Mia, in the spirit of utilitarianism. Then she mentions NYE and the midnight voice message, which he does deserve to be chewed out for.
SOMEONE IS WATCHING THEM. It’s Sam??? Oh shit, she saw them talking! Hopefully she assumes Mia is just yelling at Alex. But she’s going to know Mia and Alex are in cahoots. Will she end up using this against Mia, or will she go to Mia and offer her support when Mia feels like she can’t tell anyone what’s happening?
Clip 3 - Ironing soothes the soul
Mia checks her phone and sees a bunch of messages from people praising Alex’s motto and hyping him up as the man. She gets off the bed, puts on a Chopin record and we are treated to a slow-montage scene of Mia ironing her clothes, including stuff like pajamas and socks, things that do not really need to be ironed if you asked me.
But I like the purpose of this scene! Mia feels out of control and frustrated and helpless with Alex’s inclusion in the group and everybody praising him and talking him up, and on top of it she doesn’t feel in control of her own feelings, so she has this ritual where she puts on music and makes her clothes neat and orderly. She uses order as a coping mechanism. Even the way this is shot makes it feel very precise and serene, the way she goes about this ritual so calmly, the way she smooths down her ironed items, the way the camera moves upward at the end, like all Mia’s anxieties are just floating away. You can just sink into this moment and realize how Mia clears her head.
Also that it’s classical music - something that also feels very orderly. And as we learn later in the episode, Mia can play piano including classical pieces so perhaps she has a strong history with it.
This was something indicated with Noora - for example, she was throwing out and getting rid of stuff once William had left her, and tidying up her room before she was supposed to meet with William prior to him going to London. She was thrown out of balance when Eskild ate her fish cakes. So I like that they’re going into it with Mia, and as others have mentioned it might be another sign of Mia’s ED. (Perfectionism is a common trait in people with eating disorders, and excessive tidiness/need for order is a sign of perfectionism).
Ironing complete, Mia searches for Alexander Hardenberg online. She considers following Alex on IG - too far, girl, he’s gonna take that as a marriage proposal.
Mia’s phone background includes Hans, awww.
She finds various links including one talking about his sister Sophie, who was two years older than he was. There are theories that Sophie will take over the Niko role, but I don’t buy that. For one, Alexander got very defensive over people talking about his “sister” in the classroom debate, and I don’t think he’d care if his sister was a creep. Second, it would be in EXTREMELY poor taste to have the biggest wlw rep on this show be a woman preying on and assaulting another woman, especially as a counter to Mia and Alex’s heterosexual relationship that’s probably going to be True Love. Just. The worst. I wrote this speculation post, but I think Sophie’s probably dead or something bad happened to her. Björn is some dude who was involved in what happened to her.
I don’t know what song this is as Mia is falling into the Alex Hardenberg rabbit hole, but it sounds like classical to me, and it’s like her coping mechanism/mental safe space is getting conflated with this guy.
Hans bursts into the room saying the Mia needs to look at his dick, because he thinks he has an STD, specifically tripper (gonorrhea) and he needs her to compare with some picture online. OK, I have to say, I have never ever heard that term for gonorrhea before. I’ve only heard it called the clap. Did Druck just teach me something? Yes, it did.
I have to praise Milena’s reactions here, they are restrained but suitably horrified.
Hans exposes his junk to Mia and she notes that yeah, it looks similar to the picture. He storms out and yells his fury to the heavens. When Mia asks if she should go to the pharmacy for him, he says he needs a chamomile tea first. LMAO. I feel like it was implied Mia would make the tea, right?
Clip 4 - Dingalings
Matteo’s just hanging with the girls as they talk about Hans’ clap, I guess. This child is not in a good state. He doesn’t seem very engaged in this conversation, but then again … would you want to hear about someone’s gonorrhea? 
The girls are like HERE LOOK AT THESE GONORRHEA PICS and Matteo is just sitting there shooting them looks of WTF.
Sam calls it a “dingaling”. It’s nice to know she uses the same euphemism as my mom. She wants to know what a “gay penis” looks like, compared to a straight penis, I guess. Babe, you can go onto the Internet and find that out with a few clicks.
I laughed again at Matteo giving this side-eye to the girls while he looks at something on his phone. Or him nervously looking at them while they talk about what gay penis looks like.
Matteo picks up a banana as Sam asks about his dingaling. Druck going for that subtle symbolism, I see.
Sam asks Matteo how he measures dingalings, and he’s like, “...what?” There’s a nice moment where Hanna and Mia react and Mia tries to change the subject and divert attention from Matteo, in case this gets into uncomfortable territory for him. I liked that! Different from Eva and Noora having a fun time with Isak’s mysterious sexuality.
However, Sam really wants to know. Matteo mumbles that you do it with a ruler and Sam immediately gets out that ruler like she’s prepared to put this into practice. Not at the table, darling. Matteo isn’t even looking at them as he explains the rest.
Sam writes down “only when it’s hard” and underlines it, like she’s taking notes and this will be on the final exam for Dingalings 101.
Matteo sees Jonas walk in, and Matteo waves him over, probably thinking OH GOD SAVE ME, but Jonas just backtracks out of the room. NOOOOOO. I saw people think he was mad at Matteo, but I thought he was trying to avoid Hanna, which was confirmed in a text. If he and Matteo had a tiff, Matteo probably wouldn’t be waving him over so chill, unless he didn’t know Jonas was mad at him.
Matteo is not even looking at Hanna when she asks if Jonas has someone, just at his phone. What is he so engrossed with on his phone? Is it something specific or just generic sad teenage disengagement? Is it just him being one of The Youths?
Matteo waited until Sam left to tell Hanna that Jonas waits for her to post stuff on IG, IDK if there was a reason he waited. And there wasn’t any real reason Sam had to get up and leave during this scene, so is it at all important? Unless they just wanted the three sadsacks at the table together for the end of this clip, and Sam is not sufficiently angsty about her love life right now.
But Matteo tells Hanna that Jonas doesn’t have a new girl, he waits around for her to post new IG stories. Hanna is confused why, and Matteo is like, why does someone spend an entire evening stalking someone? Ohhh, damn. Mia is gonna feel that comment resonate uncomfortably.
Also, nice of Matteo to help out Hanna and Jonas’ relationship instead of snaking on her. As far as we know. (I think he’s being nice, not a snake this time.)
In case we didn’t get the connection, Axel texts Mia if she prefers wine or beer, for the yearbook meeting tomorrow, I guess. Checking in to see what she likes, her preferences. 
We see Mia, Matteo, and Hanna at the table, all of them a little out of sorts. Mia thinking about Axel, Hanna thinking about Jonas, Matteo thinking about … something ... or someone … dude is very busy on his phone.
Clip 5 - After party at Axel’s
Mia brushes her teeth before going over to Alex’s - I guess that’s supposed to be her showing interest in him? A sign that she wants to be at her best? Or, you know, a sign that she practices good oral hygiene. 
Hanna texts her and hopes she’s coming soon, because Hanna doesn’t want to be there alone because of Jonas. Damn, kids, you’re really tearing my heart out about this. Get back together already!
Axel texts Mia that she doesn’t need to bring a toothbrush because he has a new one ready for her. Well, that’s rather presumptuous. Mia seems a little amused, though.
She locks herself out of the apartment and texts Hans about it. Hans will be back at midnight to let Mia in. Also the tripper situation is still causing him pain and he stole money from his sick aunt to pay for medicine? Hans is so much more of a mess than Eskild was, like he’s going to have to evolve fast if he’s going to adopt Matteo.
This next part is beautiful, as we cut between Mia getting on the bus and traveling to Alex’s house, and shots of the characters looking into the camera as someone reads the comments about them. Isn’t this kinda like those character descriptions from pre-season? That promo stuff? So maybe it wasn’t just for promo, but an overall theme of the season, about the labels we stick on people or the shallow ways we perceive them.
Hanna - Gets bitch, red devil, arrogant. Who called Hanna a bitch?? Red devil?? Get the fuck out. Ex-BFF is from Leonie. Someone calls Hanna the “best decision of my life” and I think that was probably Jonas, please take that dagger out of my heart, oh my God.
Amira - Gets “hijab” like 8 times. So sad that this is all people know about her or think about her. They see the hijab and think that’s the sum total of who she is, rather than part of it. And it’s also othering, because the hijab stands out, it’s different from everyone else. I feel like Amira is used to it, too, like she probably expected that response. She also gets called ISIS. Man, fuck that edgy piece of shit person who wrote that. At least she gets some other comments like how she’s cool, like the people who actually know her and don’t stereotype her or judge her think she’s the best.
Matteo - Basically he’s a chill bro and fades into the background, although one person thinks he’s a good kisser. Hmmm, has he been going around smooching girls like Isak did?
Alex - gets almost all negative comments about how arrogant or jerkish he is, or his car compensating for his lack of dong size, except for some comments about how he’s hot. Look, if you want me to feel sorry about that, how people are just judging him unfairly, you’ve gotta show me more proof that he hasn’t been a major asshole throughout his high school career and this isn’t an accurate assessment of how he’s treated people or behaved this whole time, even if he’s supposed to be a nice guy underneath.
Mia - gets lots of comments on how hot she is, with some about her feminism or being boring. Habibi comes from Amira. Lesbian? Final one is “prettiest woman on earth” which probably was from Alex, honestly, and she seems kinda OK hearing him read that one out loud. (Although my kingdom for those “lesbian?” and “prettiest woman on earth” comments to have both come from like, Kiki.)
Matteo is once again lying on the couch on his phone, checked out. Someone send that kid an Even to bring him to life.
They talk about whether everyone should be able to cross out comments and that they don’t have time to chase everyone down, but I agree with Mia that everyone should be able to censor theirs, not just the committee. Alex agrees with Mia and gives a sensible option, that people have two weeks to contact the staff if they want to censor their comments. He says he doesn’t want to censor his comments because in twenty years he wants to remember what an arrogant ass he was, and everyone laughs, and you can take that as a sign of character growth that he wants to evolve past being an ass, or him thinking it was a fun time rather than something he regrets.
There’s turtleneck boy again. Who isn’t Even, but maybe could be German Julian Dahl. 
Alex ordered pizza and beer, and the meeting gets more like a party. Hanna and Matteo throw pizza at each other and Hanna gives him the finger, cute! Alex arm wrestles Markus the theater photoshop kid. All throughout the evening, Mia seems attuned to Alex’s presence and keeps looking his way. I know that kind of feeling, I’ve been to parties where I was Mia and someone’s presence was like a magnet.
Hanna and Matteo talk in the kitchen about Jonas. Hanna asks where Jonas is, seeing as he’s not at the meeting, and Matteo says he doesn’t know, Jonas wanted to come. Which is a lie seeing as Jonas told Matteo he wasn’t going in a text message that we saw. At least Matteo is trying to spare Hanna’s feelings.
Mia is in Alex’s bathroom, looking at the stuff on the counter. I guess she’s just inspecting his stuff? She opens a jar and it’s overflowing with condoms, lol. I guess Alex got over his “latex allergy” at some point or learned his lesson about not wrapping it up. Maybe he had his own adventure with tripper. (I’m imagining him in his own version of the scene with Hans, wailing and opening his robe to a befuddled Toilet Sam.)
Hans texts her that now he won’t be home until 1. When Mia comes out of the bathroom, everyone else is leaving. Now Mia’s first option is that she could totally leave with her friends and chill with them, and if she’s locked out, she could crash at Hanna’s. But Amira has to study, Leonie has a date, and Hanna is going to the cinema with her dad. (What if Hanna was going to Jonas’ instead ... no, I won’t get entertain that happy delusion.) Anyway, Hanna suggests that Mia just kill time at Alex’s until she can go home.
Mia and Alex look at each other across the room. There is some nice nonverbal tension. The toilet flushes and Markus comes out of the bathroom. Now there are three of them, I like this shot of them in a triangle. Lol, Markus is so drunk he doesn’t know if he puked on himself. He doesn’t know how he broke up the Mia/Alex staring contest.
Alex and Mia look at each other and laugh after Markus leaves, which is a genuinely nice moment. Mia explains her situation and says she’ll go to the cinema or hang out in the park until then. Alex says she could stay and he’ll drive her home later. There’s a funny bit where Mia says he’s not allowed to drive, and Alex says he’ll call his chauffeur, and then does an imitation of Mia’s inner monologue - “Is he that rich? No … or maybe he is?” I do like that they’ve given Alex so much more of a sense of humor.
Lmao, Alex jumping on the random skateboard and gliding across the floor, I have to say if I lived in a big empty place like that, I’d be doing shit like that a lot. Speaking of, that is one big, spacious apartment, like there’s some art on the walls and stuff but it still gives off that cold lonely rich kid vibe.
I like Mia walking around examining the place as he makes her rosehip tea. Alex mentions that his sister used to live here - again, we don’t get more details than that, like whether she moved or died, what happened to her. It seems like he might have cut off that line of inquiry when he asks Mia if she wants honey in her tea - either a coincidence or a deliberate attempt to change the subject.
However, that does throw into context Björn’s appearance in the next clip, because Björn was showing up to the sister’s old apartment. Why was he messing around in there? I think that dude might be the sister’s boyfriend or ex.
There’s a piano. In that same room are a lot of moving boxes; either because Alex was moving in, or because the sister was moving out. Or maybe they were packing up Sophie’s things because she died?
Mia asks him whether he plays or whether it’s there to impress girls. Alex says no, so I’m betting it was the sister’s piano. He also asked whether they should go sit in the other room to drink the tea, I think that he didn’t want to answer questions about the piano or be near it, like it probably reminds him of whatever happened to the sister.
Gold star to Mia for not playing without payment and for not negotiating. I love her.
Was that the theme music from Titanic she was playing and acting like she was really into?? Lmao.
Finally, she plays something legit, “Montagues and Capulets” (or “Dance of the Knights”) from the ballet Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev. HMMM could there be any connection to star-crossed lovers with this subject matter? Hey, it’s subtler than a banana.
At first I was wondering why her playing seemed out of sync and was like ... did they get a body double to play for her or something? Because I think Milena can really play. But then we see that it’s intentionally out of sync, as we see them eating and talking over the music. Perhaps to symbolize things being out of sorts; earlier this clip we had Mia using classical music as a way to restore order in her life, and here that order is rapidly dissolving, so the music isn’t really soothing, and the images aren’t neatly in line with it. 
When Alex asks what song that was, Mia says it’s Drake. L M A O I adore her.
Hans texts Mia that he’s not coming home tonight as he’s met some other dude with gonorrhea and they’re going to hook up. Er, have fun with that, Mr. Currently Peeing Shards of Glass. Anyway, he asks if she can stay at Hanna’s. Alex says Mia can just stay there, she can take the bed and he’ll take the sleeping mat. Mia asks why doesn’t he just sleep on the couch and he says the fridge is too loud. We are treated to the sounds of the thunderous fridge. Actually, it is pretty loud for a fridge, if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing I can see it being a problem.
He says she can rent his bed for the night, like in a hotel. Which is what seems to convince her, him framing it not like a benevolent gesture but a transaction. So Alexander sets up the bed for Mia. He gives the new toothbrush that he had mentioned, and she pays him back what he gave her.
Mia climbs into bed and smells the fresh linen. She checks her phone and Hans says that Emilio finished fast so he’s coming home, and Hanna says Mia can come over. But Mia pulls an Isak, telling Hanna that Hans is home and Hans that she’s with Hanna. Wow, there is no chance of that backfiring, not with these two people who appear to be on friendly terms.
They don’t share a bed as Noorhelm did; true to his word, Alex sleeps on the floor, and she gets the bed. I think that’s indicative of where they’re at with each other right now; they still have distance between them, but they’ve developed a state of comfort and can let down their guard to a degree.
They wish each other good night, and she calls him Axel. That makes him smile. And then he asks that that wasn’t really Drake, was it? Which makes her smile. Let him go to his grave thinking it was Drake, Mia.
Social Media/General Comments
I’ll say this, Chris Veres is doing well as Alex, performance-wise. Previously he was my least favorite William, and I thought he was very flat in S1, which I guess was intentional, since I heard he tried to play Alex as very cold and unfeeling. Now we’ve seen him showing more personality and especially glimpses of humor and levity. So regardless on my thoughts of the character overall, I think the actor is doing a fine job. 
A lot of people seem to have hopped on board with Alex after this episode, even people who hated William, and I think that largely has to do with the performance. I’m not sure I would say I’m completely on board with Alex as a character - he still has a lot of stuff to account for, and there are things that I really need Druck to redeem about him in order for me to like him. I especially need apologies - or at least some sense of regret and humility over his specific mistakes, rather than him trying to defend himself and Mia falling for it. But I get why fandom is starting to like him, he’s showing more charisma here. There are things I certainly like about him compared to William, for instance that he seems to have more interests and opinions on things that don’t have to do with his love interest. He had some genuinely funny lines in this episode. 
Also, I’ve said it before, but I wasn’t sold on Mia entirely in S1, but Milena Tscharntke is really winning me over this season. Mia feels like her own character, certainly one with traits in common as Noora, but also not a Noora clone. 
Kiki was totally absent this episode, and I wonder if that was to lull us into forgetting the Kiki/Alex drama so we, like Mia, could start to fall for him. In putting Kiki aside for an episode, it’s kind of like we don’t have this reminder of what Alex and Mia have done to her, something that I’m sure will come crashing back and causing conflict in the next episode. It also makes you wonder what Kiki has been doing since we last saw her. How is she coping? Breaking more hearts?
The music needs to be used more sparingly. This episode had some good selections but basically it’s falling into a pattern that’s plagued some of the remakes, where the music always gets used the same way: a song at the start of the clip, a song at the end of it, so that it starts to lessen the impact of the music because we can predict when it will appear. I think it happens in some remakes, like Skam France or Druck, because they run some previews/production credits at the end, and they want music to go over it instead of silence. But last season I think they did have some clips that ended with silence over the credits, or things like Hanna sighing, or random banter, and that didn’t bother me, that helped to retain the atmosphere of the clip. 
There’s a theory that S3 and/or S4 have been running in the background of this season, and while I can see evidence for that, I really hope it’s not the case. Especially after this last clip - I thought it was great, the pacing worked and there were some inspired directing choices, so imagine what we could get with Matteo or Amira’s seasons with that kind of style. It would work so well with one of the long Evak or Yousana clips, something like Mekke øl or The Best of Islam.
Mia is like, “Won’t we get in copyright trouble for this?” as a feeble attempt in the committee chat not to pick Alex’s motto, lol. Give her credit for fighting a losing battle to the end.
Hans had like three text messages about his clap. First he accuses a dude of infecting him with the clap, while the dude is like, nah, just went to the doctor yesterday, I’m good, and Hans is like … oops … embarrassing. Then he goes after the next dude he banged, who reciprocates his electronic shouting match. Finally messages Michi, who’s like, thank God, I thought you were breaking up with me again. Dude. Hans. I know you find Michi a bore, I guess, but some dude whose reaction to hearing he has the clap is “at least you didn’t break up with me” to the dude who gave it to him, is someone you might wanna hang on to. And not in a boomerang way, in a “this is a keeper” way.
Matteo and Jonas text and apparently Jonas planned to skip the yearbook meeting/party because of Hanna. So that’s probably why he ran away in the dingaling clip, because he saw Hanna there. I’m wondering if they’re going to get back together this season or if they’ll string us along for a few more.
According to Matteo’s IG stories, that was the first time Photoshop Philipp/Markus got drunk, and Matteo made sure to document the highs, followed by the inevitable lows.
I’m not German, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.
If you got this far, thank you for reading!
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jxwritesss · 5 years
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I’m currently writing this on wattpad as well! @jxwritess
This is a Noen Eubanks fan fiction, I’m trying to spread my book around, pls share and help, it means a lot xx, my main platform is wattpad please read it on there if you find this and enjoy it!
New York. The only place in the entire world, where robots were being developed. Robots, that looked exactly like humans, and there being only one distinctive difference, a tattoo. One that said RA-H.
An RA-H. Robotic animated humans. These androids are helping the world as much as it is destroying it. They force people out of jobs, but in doing so create even better things then humans. Thousands of different political views, millions of haters and lovers. And then there's me.
Malia Blanche, 17, I lost my father, and I was the spitting image of my late mother. I only recently moved to LA, where my life was bombarded with these new androids, I get the concept of them, although I don't truly understand it.
Well, on with the story shall we?
-Chapter One.
Sunday, the day before I start college. A new life, a new story and a new beginning. I can finally pursue my dream of being a writer, just like my mother.
My mother attended John Brown college academy  , her department was romance, mine, mystery, ever since I was a child I thrive for solving mysteries, actions, you know in the movies where there's a fight scene, and it goes slow motion and they throw the punch of victory, thats what ignites my fire, the thrive for doing good, but in a dangerous way, I could always figure out who was lying in a movie, or who the murderer was. Maybe I should be a detective, but my flow comes with writing.
Although I was attending my new school in a day, I lazily decided to stay in bed until half 10, I needed to be at Realsons&Co for 11:15, to get my uniform fitted. John Brown is a very pretentious academy, and I'd worked three jobs, and poured my heart and soul into getting here. Only the best attend the Academy. I don't necessarily fit into the 'my daddy got me in here' well, obviously. I quickly slipped on my jeans and jumper, and slid into my most prised possession. Although it had been pre-owned. The Audi was my mother's, she put her heart and soul into the car, and I will respect her decision and keep the car.
I take out my GPS although I already know where my fitting shop is, as I pass it a few times on the way to my grandma's.
Carefully parking in the visitor section I leave my car, and walk up the steps, and enter the shop, the bell above my head dings and an elderly woman pops her head up and immediately smiles at me. 
"Are you Malia?" The woman asks putting her newspaper down and picking up a signing book.
"Yeah, I'm not too early am I?"
"Of course not, dear.  I'm Molly, my grandson Will, he's in the back, he will measure you up if you need anything readjusting or if you can't find anything your size. John Brown, Deanford and Attenwood are in the back left." She says pointing in the direction.
I thank her, and mentally thank that the place is practically empty. I don't like small talk, thanks social anxiety.
Walking through the back I spot John Brown uniform. A black blazer with red linings, a short black skirt and a white blouse and a dark red tie. Not too childish but not suitable enough for adults.
At the corner of my eye I see a tall boy sat on his phone, his eyes flicker up for a second at me, then back down to his phone.
I continue my search to look for the right size for my uniform when I feel a pair of eyes on me, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I start to guess that the pair of eyes is Molly's grandson Will, I mentally scold myself for being so awkward and pretending not to know that he's watching, when I hear his chair scrape my heart decides to do an athlete course and I pray he can't hear it from where he's standing.
I can tell he's now behind me, as I face my social fears I turn around and slam right into his chest, and in result dropping all my stuff, Will snorts, before helping me by picking up some of the clothes that dropped.
"Thanks," I say, grabbing the clothes from his hand and attempting to walk past him, but his arms stop me.
"Was that sarcastic or not?" He asked smiling. I take a second to take in his looks, he doesn't look as bad as I thought he would, but he doesn't act like a arrogant guy either.
"I'll let you figure that one out," I smile politely back, "I'm Will." He says moving his arm in a posh manner to let me through.
"I know, Molly told me," I answer, "I guess you know who I am?" "Yep, how could I ignore a pretty girl like you?" I mentally roll my eyes at the typical boy. "Mhm, well I need to get changed so excuse me" I say speed walking away from him, boys that make comments like that make me feel extremely uncomfortable.
As I turn the corner to the fitting rooms, I hear Will's voice once again, "I'm gay by the way," he says laughing, I stop in my tracks, suddenly feeling a bit stupid.
——
Checking that I haven't left any clothes behind, I pile them onto the counter, where Will is now standing, he starts to put all my clothes in an expensive looking plastic bag, he looks up at me, "Sorry about earlier, I was just messing about." "No, it's okay, I felt a bit silly when you said you were gay."
He shakes his head and laughs, "most people do, well the ones that aren't stuck up with money up their ass usually do." "Well I'm only here on a scholarship, so I'm not one of them people," I say handing him over the small fee I have to pay, as the scholarship covers most of it. "Surprisingly so am I, I got accepted for Athletics at John Brown," I never really though I would but I guess I should thank the Lord, my parents can't wait to get rid of me anyways, being gay has a price to pay, apparently."
"Well, they obviously don't see the good person that you are." I smile at him, although I wish he hadn't of brought it up, I'm not necessarily the best at giving advice.
The bell rings, and a tall, slim girl walks through.
"Tanner" she says walking through right into the back without a second glance.
"I understand what you mean by stuck up," I whisper, Will chuckles and passes me my bag, the girl walks back and stands behind me, not even two seconds later she starts tapping her foot and complaining.
"Since when do we serve nobodies, Will? That's right we don't. Now move, thanks." She says pushing right past me and throwing her uniform on the counter. Luckily it wasn't a John Brown one, otherwise I might've just about died.
I quietly wave at Will and walk out, seeing a shining white Porsche outside. Seriously where do you even get one that looks so shiny from?
I put the bag in the passenger seat, still feeling annoyed about the girl, as I reach my small flat,   I lock my Audi, and read a movie poster about a girl going missing  with her extremely ill dad. Making a mental note to watch the movie later, I walk up my stairs and unlock my door, I make myself a cup of tea and order some pizza, as I walk into my room, I open up my laptop, and have three new emails, one spam, but two from publishers. My heart does leaps as I open the first one.
'Telford Publishing'
- Hello Malia, we are proud to hear that you are following in your beloved mothers steps. I have read your book sample, but I would like to offer you a potential job, and a tour around  the new              T Pub&Co. I know how much it would mean to your mother if you accept my offer.
Many thanks, Gary.
A potential job?? Could this be my genuine big break?  Hearing a knock at the door, I run over, wanting to start up a reply as soon as possible. Grabbing my purse I open my door to an RA-H
"Malia Blanche?"
"Yes, here's my ID." The robots light turns red as it examines my ID. Doing a robotical smile it's arm stretches out, grabbing the pizza I express a thank you and run back to my desk.
'T Pub&Co.'
Thank you for my sample! I will gladly accept your offer, please email with more detail about the tour and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. My mum would be so happy.
Sincerely, Malia.
As I send the email I let out a squeak of happiness with pizza in my mouth. Clicking onto my word pad, I let myself fall into the world of fiction, and let time slip through my hands.
——
And that's how it is now 3.36am on a Monday trying to start a new story, anything to take my mind off the upcoming day, and the extremely embarrassing 'Tanner' fiasco.
I push my chair back from my old, ridden desk, and flop onto my bed, snuggling into my bedsheets, this has been going on for a week, for some reason I have no flow, the biggest writers block, I have stories everywhere across my room, started, just the plot, a thesis, a blurb. But recently I haven't found anything to give me that push. I turn and toss in an unsucsessive attempt to sleep, and as I check my phone it is only 4 am.
Great, no sleep for the wicked.
——
Groggily, I turn over in my bed and look over to my clock, 6.07am. Throwing my bed covers over, I lazily get up and put on the uniform that luckily fits perfectly. Thinking about my email yesterday, there is nothing more that I want in the world then my writing to become known. Realising that I spend too much time daydreaming, and badly making pancakes, i'm late and have no time to see if I have a reply. Already. Typical Me.
Rushing out of my door, checking the contents of my bag to make sure that I have everything that I need I speed walk right into someone walking up my door, crashing everything they were holding onto the floor.
"God I'm sorry, I didn't mean too, wasnt looking where I was going." I look up and realise that, I wasn't even speaking to a human, but none other then an Android. It simply says, "No worries miss," and continues with its day. Those androids are the ones that Robert Morett himself created, word is that his son is attending John Brown. Although i'm here with a writing scholarship, I doubt he'd need any type of acceptance letter. He could just ask, he is one of the most richest people in America.
Pulling my keys out of my bag I speed walk towards my car, carefully throwing my bag in, and starting the Audi, before starting my drive I pull out my phone to the Maps app, although I used to drive past John Brown to get to school I still want to be prepared.
Pulling up at the academy, I notice a few eyes staring at the jet black Audi with the tinted windows, they're probably expected a drop dead gorgeous girl, or the sexiest guy
to walk out, but in all honesty I'm neither.
Turning off my car and stepping out the eyes are suddenly averted to another jet black car, most likely a gorgeous boy or girl in it.
My mind wavered at wondering whether I should stay and stare at the person in black, or be late to my lecture.
Achieving my dream comes first.
I promised my mother that I'd focus on my work, and not get distracted. I intend on keeping that promise.
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