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#transitioning was the best thing that i ever did for myself
distortingbones · 1 year
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hey. autistic transmascs. it's okay if your autistic perspective influenced your discomfort with femininity, and that doesn't mean you're any less trans or that you shouldn't transition/should detransition. if transitioning makes you feel happier and more at ease with your body, then it doesn't matter "why" you're trans. womanhood is not inherently sacred and it's ok to not be a woman if you don't feel like one. a feminine body is not inherently superior to a masculine one, so you aren't "ruining" your body by taking masculinizing hormones or undergoing masculinizing surgeries. do what makes you happiest and don't drink the radfem koolaid.
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clementiens · 7 months
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ok i have decided i'm changing my name. i was on the fence between fionn and liam (which had been a contender before i was born) so i'm just going to use both! fionn is my first name, liam and my current legal name will both be middle names. why not both. long names are nice
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weaselle · 6 months
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psst. hey
people who are legal adults who want their tubes tied or top surgery etc etc should be able to do so full stop.
"oh but what if they regret it for the rest of their lives"
okay. so what.
Adults make decisions about our lives, that's what being an adult is. We may decide to get a face tattoo, or quit a promising job, or join the army, or move to another country.
That's practically all we do as adults. We make decisions that effect the rest of our life, and then we live, or sometimes die, accordingly. Maybe i'll spend the rest of my life regretting telling my influential boss he doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, but, as an adult, that's the kind of life decision i am allowed to make for myself. And after all, it might be the best thing i ever did. It's my life, and i get to do all the fucking around and all the finding out i want to.
surgical transition, or sterilization, or whatever... is exactly the same. If you aren't going to let a legally adult person decide for themself about that stuff, then you can't let them get a tattoo or move to Florida either
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ceram1cfish · 2 years
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ever since my mastectomy i have been so into boobs it's like a second sexual awakening its crazy what not being uncomfortable with your body will do for your quality of life
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livixbobbiex · 2 years
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12 ADHD hacks that are actually helpful
Record EVERYTHING in your phone's calendar app the moment you find out about it. Mine gives me an alarm automatically before the calendar time - has saved my ass many times.
Get a little bowl or equivalent for objects like keys. That's now your key bowl. You will not lose them ever again.
Write down deadlines as early before they're actually due as you can justify. My ADHD ass never remembers the actual due date. I get all of the stress fuelled productivity with none of the actual danger.
Handwrite notes. I have no idea why, but the process of pen and paper makes me remember things much better.
If you have to be somewhere like class or work, set aside time to go for a walk first. Honestly would be great all days, but I can't even make myself do this, so it's good if you have to be out anyway (and maybe would have been in waiting mode). Burning off energy helps my brain.
When retrieving laundry (ie its dry and you have to fold it), dump it all out in the most inconvenient place possible. I like the bed. It forces me to deal with it, rather than letting it sit there.
Turn on subtitles when you watch anything - even YouTube and live TV. I didn't realise how lifechanging this was until last year.
The Breath of the Wild soundtrack is weirdly the best background music ever. It's the perfect level of stimulating without distracting
Use text to speech for long walls of text. It's great.
Did I mention phone alarms? I use it for everything - ie when I know I might hyperfocus on something for too long.
There's literally no obligation to eat 3 meals at set times. If eating snacks throughout the day works better for you, then do that. There's also no shame in things like pre chopped fruit/veggies.
I struggle with transitions sometimes. A way around this is keeping a ton of water next to me. When I get frustrated about being stuck, I just drink as much water as I can. Eventually, this means I have to pee, and physically cannot ignore it. The act of going to the bathroom is sometimes enough to change activity.
Disclaimer that this is my own experience with ADHD, which may be totally different to someone else's. But hey, these are some things I've always found useful.
EDIT because this has a lot of reblogs wow! Please feel free to share even if you're a different type of neurodiverse, or even straight up neurotypical. At the end of the day most of these are focus/executive dysfunction tips, and I'm glad they're useful no matter what your situation is!
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sincerelyyycece · 5 days
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my family thinks we're dating.
Accompanied by James Potter as a guest at his family gathering, you find yourself developing newfound emotions for him.
sincerelyyycece © ─ all rights reserved. please do not repost/translate/copy any of my work.
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"My family thinks we’re dating," said a voice, interrupting my train of thought. I raised my eyes to see James. "What?" I inquired, raising my brows. "They think we’re dating," he stated again. I notice a couple of silhouettes snickering behind him. I turn around to see his relatives spying on us. James and I were attending his small family gathering. He invited me as a friend because he did not want to go alone, and I figured I would keep him company. They were clearly making every effort to remain undetected while spying on us.
I shook my head and laughed. "Your family's something, huh?" I joked. He mutters. "I knew bringing you here was a bad idea.” I laughed at his reaction. "I see where you got your nosiness from," I joked. He shook his head and buried his face in his hands. "Anyway, why does your family think we’re dating?" I switched the subject. "You’re the first girl I have ever brought to a gathering like this.” My brow furrowed in surprise. "Really? Not even your precious Lilypad?” I teased.
"Nope," he said as he sipped his drink, adding, "I never really saw her as a long-term thing, you know?" I responded with a slow nod. "Besides, it is such a pain." I snorted. "If you loved her, it’s not a pain," I explained. "Yeah, well, I did love her; I just didn’t see her in my future," he explained. "How come you brought me here when we’re not even dating?" I wondered. "I see you in my future," he ends, making eye contact.
I had no idea we were leaning into each other until he abruptly broke the silence with his voice and moved his head away. "You’re my friend, and you’re clearly a part of my future; friendships can last for years," he continues. I swallowed and sat up straight. We were sitting in awkward silence when Euphemia yelled from a distance. "Have some dessert, my dears!" He stands up and takes his cup. "Coming!" he responds. He gave me a look and motioned towards his house. I immediately understood and shook my head. “I’ll have some later.” He nods and walks inside. I drifted off after he left.
I recall his words from earlier, his voice echoing in the back of my mind. Our friendship has been going on for years. I can not see myself feeling anything for James. I creased my brow at the thought. But what if...? My eyes widen, and I shake my head. "Stop, Y/N, stop," I mumbled. "He is your friend! Nothing else!" I chastised myself. "Hey," James called from a distance. I turn to face him. He raised his eyebrows but did not question my actions. "They’re calling you already," James said, motioning inside. "Oh yeah, okay," I said as I stood up and straightened myself. Clear your mind, Y/N. I sighed to myself. I entered his home and smiled at his parents, grateful for their hospitality.
He is nothing more than a pal. You are simply very close friends. There is nothing strange about him taking you to meet his family. He is your friend, I am his friend, and we are friends. That is all there is to it. I considered it sternly. Just…friends. I continued, his words lingering in my mind.
As I joined the lively gathering inside, the aroma of freshly baked desserts filled the air, momentarily distracting me from the whirlwind of thoughts that had occupied my mind just moments before. James's family welcomed me with warm smiles and insisted that I try every homemade delicacy they had prepared.
As the evening unfolded, I conversed with James's family, sharing stories and laughter that echoed through the cosy living room. James and I seamlessly transitioned between the roles of friends and family, and I couldn't help but appreciate the genuine connection we had built over the years.
At one point, James's best pal, Sirius, approached me with a mischievous grin. "You know," he whispered, "you and James make a cute couple." I chuckled nervously, dismissing the notion. "We're just friends, Sirius," I clarified, though his playful expression hinted at a deeper understanding.
The night continued with shared laughter, board games, and the warmth of newfound friendships. As we all gathered for a group photo, James put his arm around my shoulder, and the camera captured a moment frozen in time—a snapshot of friendship and camaraderie.
Later in the evening, James and I sat on the porch, enjoying the cool breeze. The atmosphere was serene, and the distant laughter from inside formed a backdrop to our quiet conversation.
James turned to me with a genuine smile. "Thanks for being here today, Y/N. It means a lot." I returned the smile, appreciating the sincerity in his words. "Anytime, James. Your family is wonderful, and I'm grateful to be a part of this." He nodded in agreement, and for a moment, we sat in comfortable silence.
As the night wore on, James walked me to my car, the sky painted with hues of midnight blue. Before I left, he looked at me with a hint of vulnerability. "I hope my family's assumption didn't make things awkward for you."
I reassured him with a laugh, "Not at all. It's just amusing, that's all." But as I drove home, the words lingered in my mind, and I couldn't shake the awareness that the line between friendship and something more had blurred, if only for a moment.
In the days that followed, I found myself reflecting on the evening and questioning the nature of my feelings towards James. Was it just a case of friendly banter from his family, or did it tap into something deeper that I hadn't acknowledged?
As the weeks passed, James and I continued our routine of shared adventures and laughter, and while everything seemed unchanged on the surface, a subtle shift had occurred—one that left me wondering if, perhaps, the boundaries of our friendship were evolving in a way I hadn't anticipated.
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mulletmitsuya · 2 months
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Toman groupchat
Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mentions of poop, mentions of homophobia (joke), mentions of men getting pregnant
Desc: here the boys discuss whether men can get pregnant or not and other shenanigans. this also very fucking stupid
Mikey: i just took the biggest shit
Mikey: you guys will not believe the sheer size of this thing like it's as big as my forearm
Mikey: makes me wonder how women give birth
Kazutora: ?
Draken: keep this shit to yourself what the hell is wrong with you
Mikey: how can i keep this shit to myself when i've already flushed it down the toilet🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mitsuya: what does you shitting have to do with women giving birth?
Mitsuya: never mind shouldn't have asked
Mikey: well the poop tore my butt up so imagine what babies do to vaginas
Baji: this is why i'm never giving birth. looks too hard
Draken: ...you're not a candidate to do so? you're male?
Baji: what does my gender have to do with giving birth
Draken: it has everything to do with it??? what are you talking about
Baji: wow didn't know you guys were so sexist
Chifuyu: Baji-san, gender and sex are two different things...
Baji: ?
Chifuyu: sex is your chromosomes and basically what you were born with and gender is what you identify as. so since you're male, you don't have the reproductive organs to get pregnant and have a child. only female bodied people can.
Smiley: bro you're 17 how the fuck do you not know this
Baji: never been good at biology
Smiley: you don't have to be good at it to know you can't get pregnant💀
Baji: so men can't get pregnant?
Chifuyu: well if someone born as a female transitions into a man, then gets pregnant, we can pretty much say that men can get pregnant
Baji: so men can get pregnant but not males?
Chifuyu: yeah i guess
Baji: interesting
Baji: i don't think anyone's tried hard enough
Baji: i'll get a male pregnant one day, watch
Mitsuya: wtf
Draken: is the biology lesson over?
Mikey: my ass still hurts i think i'll need ointment
Kazutora: why r u reporting this to us
Mikey: you guys are my friends
Mitsuya: no ones wants to know about your bowel movements
Baji: why do you always wanna sound smart Mitsuya. just say shit or shitting
Smiley: watch, next time he'll say defecation
Chifuyu: excretion
Mikey: excrement
Kazutora: fecal matter
Draken: guys what the fuck can we not talk about this? it's fucking gross
Baji: oho here comes the fucking poop police
Kazutora: instead of his siren going "wee woo wee woo" it probably goes "pee poo pee poo" lmao
Mikey: LMAO😭
Draken: what are you a bunch of 5 year olds??
Baji: we're 17
Draken: 😐
Mitsuya: can we change the subject? christ
Smiley: i did crack for the first time yesterday. shit was crazy
Mikey: YOU DO DRUGS???? BRO
Baji: yo Nahoya what the fuck
Draken: we're not supposed to do drugs
Smiley: who's we?? i'm doing them not you🤨??
Draken: and what's Angry gonna think?
Smiley: he doesn't need to know. and i did it to impress a girl so chill it's not a regular thing
Mikey: why would you try and impress a girl with doing crack?
Smiley: she's a drug addict
Smiley: but the sex was fire tho even though she tried to kill me halfway through
Mikey: YOU'RE HAVING SEX??
Kazutora: that's not fair☹️
Kazutora: where are you meeting women?
Smiley: outside
Kazutora: oh
Draken: why did she try to kill you?
Smiley: halfway through she started choking the shit outta me while she was on top and i almost died but also it was the best nut i've ever experienced so it's a win win
Mikey: that doesn't sound appealing at all😭
Draken: that sounds like assault actually
Smiley: idgaf a beautiful woman can do whatever she wants with me and if she wants to kill me then so be it (i'm a feminist)
Mitsuya: yeah but like, she should have asked
Smiley: we were both high off our rockers
Draken: yeah i feel like she should have asked you so you could have developed a healthy sex dynamic where you both share each other kinks before hand
Baji: oho here comes the fucking sex police
Kazutora: this time the siren would be men whimpering
Chifuyu: why men?
Kazutora: i don't think Draken would use women moaning cause of how the brothel might have traumatized him i think and he respects women too much
Kazutora: also he's gay
Draken: fuck off i'm not
Draken: and Baji say something else i dare you
Baji: what are you gonna do? have sex with me?
Smiley: you're all taking this way too seriously😁
Baji: with what Kazutora said, i'ma start blasting whimpering audios when i get a car
Mitsuya: i'm pretty sure that's illegal or something
Smiley: dawg no one wants to hear that
Baji: who wouldn't want to hear men whimpering?
Baji: especially the high pitched ones
Baji: cause you can associate them with twinks
Baji: with dual coloured hair, jingly earnings and large unsettling eyes
Baji: and maybe even a blonde with an undercut and big blue cow eyes
Kazutora: Baji what are you on about
Chifuyu: wait are you being serious or is this a joke Baji-san 😂😂😂😂
Draken: uhh
Smiley: i keep hoping you being gay is a joke but then you say shit like this
Baji: why
Smiley: i'm not fond of gay people
Baji: homophobia's got you missing out on some good head
Draken: we support and respect all identies, Smiley. don't make this a problem
Smiley: i'll ask again, WHO'S WE?
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thepaperpanda · 1 year
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A Sense Of Lightness || Neteyam x fem!Omaticaya reader
Summary: After being accepted as a new Na’vi couple, you decide to mate with Neteyam before Eywa; the ache to be his lifetime partner has been burning inside of you for quite some time
Warnings: smut 🔥(first time)
Word count: 2970
Author: Rouge
A/N: Prior to reading, it’s important to know that: the reader is female Omaticaya ✤ characters are aged up (Neteyam is 20, reader is 19) ✤ a few things are in Na'vi language ✤ you'll find a glossary underneath the fic
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The transition from childhood to adulthood is marked by customs and rituals in many cultures. A child who participates in a rite of passage has passed from childhood to adulthood. In this regard, the Na'vi were no exception. It has been said that every blessing and independence comes with a price. The blessings and independence of adulthood require emotional self-containment when faced with stress. The mature adult is able to contain and release stress in a safe and healthy way that protects vulnerable others. 
Neteyam, though, continued to feel unprepared - instead he felt like letting everyone down continually on a regular basis, even though his parents seemed to favor him over his siblings. 
The only person who really understood him seemed to be you. The two of you grew up side by side, becoming increasingly close over time. It was because of your persistence in walking to the Utral Aymokriyä that Neteyam realized you were considering something important.
During your conversation, you noticed that he seemed to be zoning out. It's possible that you've scared him; you weren't planning on doing this. As you sighed and gently tapped him on the shoulder, you tried to get his attention back. "Hey, did you hear what I just said?"
"Yes, I heard. You chose your profession. I'm glad you chose art. You have a lovely voice, and when you sing for us, everyone is mesmerized," Neteyam replied as he walked with you through the woodland.
A smug smile spread across your face as you teasingly whispered, "Even you, I hope."
The forest was the protective mother, a holy sanctuary away from curious glances of other tribe members.
Trying to grasp the idea he thought was floating through your mind occasionally, he asked, "So, why are we getting there?"
As you looked away, you took a moment to collect your thoughts before looking back at him. "You know..." You started softly, "Nga yawne lu oer, and I don't ever want to be apart. I want to be yours and yours only."
Holding your hand while walking, he squeezed your palm slightly and halted after he heard your confession. "Y/N... Are you sure about that?"
Your gentle nod was accompanied by a low whisper of ‘yes’ as you looked into his eyes.
Neteyam dreamed of sharing this moment with you because you were his beloved one, but he was scared about taking such a step at the same time -he was inexperienced and unconfident on this particular field. Neteyam had overheard older boys talking about these matters, and he was concerned - all he wanted to do in the end was provide you with the best experience possible. His hand squeezed your palm harder and he smiled softly, telling you, "You know how much I love you. I promised you once that no matter what, we'll be together, forever. If you truly choose to spend your lifetime by my side, my deepest gratitude goes out to Eywa for setting you on my path and blessing me with the gentleness of your heart and soul.”
A little gasp escaped you as you stared at him with your best doe-eyes. "Oh, Neteyam! It surprises me that you can be so open about your feelings, since you've always seemed somewhat secretive…”
"You know, yawntutsyìp, normally I show things that need to be shown, but those which are more private sit here," he touched his temple. "And here," Neteyam moved his palm and touched his heart. “I can only be myself by your side, only by your side can I reveal who I really am, and only by your side I don't have to hide my true feelings, and I will never cease to be grateful for that freedom you constantly provide me with.”
The bonds of love were stretched by all the things he said, and as your eyes fixed on his, you only let a single tear flow down your cheek. This moment brought you to realize that you loved Neteyam not only for his outer shell, but also for who he was - a friend, a partner in crime, a shoulder to lean on, and hopefully your mate, soon.
It wasn't long before you reached the Tree of Voices - an important spiritual site of the Omaticaya clan. Through neural queue contact with the tree, you could hear the voices of your ancestors, so it was named after its extraordinary feature.
As Neteyam sat on the grass, its bioluminescence, glowing in purple and bluish hues, responded immediately to his touch.
You soon did the same, at first just nuzzling your face against his chest while remaining silent, listening to his heartbeat, losing yourself in the sweetness of the moment. Soon, you spoke. “Although I am not an expert on these matters, I am aware of the pain it can cause. I am not trying to impugn your honor, Neteyam, nor am I trying to presume you are a monster, but until I know more, I cannot suppose myself secure."
"It is frightening, as is everything we don't know," Neteyam remarked as he traced the grass tufts with his thumb, his fingers were never quite touching the flesh of your leg, which was intertwined with his as you sat next to him. "It's going to be quite different from anything we've ever done before. I have been worried about it for a long time. I am concerned about hurting you."
It was becoming chilly as the eclipse approached, so you rolled a little in his arms and crossed your own over your chest. "I trust you so much, Neteyam. I'm afraid of pain, yes, but I know there's more."
Shivering, you felt the cold air on your skin. "Pxìm, when we kiss, our bodies move without us thinking about it. It feels terrifyingly pleasant, but I'm terrified," you said with a shiver. I'm afraid of losing control of my body, that tiny niche of control that I've carved out for myself despite everything." For several moments, he was silent, long enough for you to consider whether you should have spoken that way. 
Neteyam suggested, "Let's explore each other tonight. Each moment we agree to, and each moment we can ask to quash it all." In this way, we won't cross the boundaries we don't want to cross."
There was an intoxicating sensation in your heart - his idea of sharing joy, of discovering, enticed you. If this intercourse was indeed a means to growing closer to each other, you desired it. You gripped his hand tightly and said, "All right, I accept this idea. I wish to explore with you. However, both of us must be in control here and I urge you to ask me before performing any experimentation."
A lusty sparkle ignited in Neteyam's eyes as he moved so close you could feel his breath on your cheek as he spoke just one word - ‘undress’.
In a slightly shy manner, you kneeled next to him, eyeing him attentively. First, you took off the brown fabric covering your breasts and crossed your arms instinctively to cover your flesh. Neteyam gently shook his head ‘no’, and you, regaining your composure, slowly let your hands move down your chest, exposing your privates to his hungry eyes.
When his strong arms wrapped around your almost naked body, you gasped. His hands conformably encircled you, pinning your body to the ground. Neteyam traced circles from your shaking shoulder to your skinny waist, sending goosebumps erupting all over your skin. You could feel his breath pooling on your neck, his fingers abruptly stopping at your hip. As his hands continued down your thigh, a low mewl escaped your lips. The firm grip on your hip, the trace of your knee, the hard thumbs pressed into your flesh - each left you shaking. This reminded you of the passionate kisses you had when you lost yourselves in the divine passion of each other. Your head lifted as you caught Neteyam's lips against yours. You felt blood rushing through your body as skin touched skin. Although the kiss was blissful, there was something searching about the way his tongue brushed against yours. 
Getting confident, Neteyam tugged gently on the strings that kept the cloth covering your lower parts, looking you directly in the eyes.
A silent 'yes' accompanied your nod. As you watched him caress your body inch by inch as he kissed down your chest, the sparkles in your eyes grew brighter. As much as the idea of having Neteyam's hand where you were so vulnerable concerned you, once you started fantasizing about it, you couldn't stop - it wouldn't be anything you hadn't done before though, especially while imagining things the oldest of the Sully brothers would have done to you… You were surprised when he first touched your exposed collarbone rather than between your legs. The kisses retraced the trails left by his hands as they moved from your shoulders and down your sides. The moment his lips touched your legs, you felt a wildfire in your core that demanded to be quenched. As his weight settled over you, his lips layered yours, and then heavy hands slipped beneath the piece of fabric, nestling into the warmth waiting there, then sliding into the awaiting wetness briefly. He gently untied the strings of the cloth, taking it off of you and placing it beside you. Then, his lips locked on your aching mound. Your mouth dropped open - the feeling overwhelmed you, and you seemed as if his hands were carrying you upwards, towards some uncharted destination. “Oh, Neteyam,” you sighed slightly, rolling your head backwards a little, nesting it on a soft grass tuft. “It feels so divine…” The sensation of his softness on your slick folds made you shiver - the feeling was strange, and shameful, because you found yourself wanting more. The repeated pressure at your opening soon transformed from an alien feeling into an inviting one. You groaned into the grass, then moaned loudly, as your pussy lips spread apart, his attention deepening as his index finger gently touched your clitoris.
As Neteyam raised his head, he disengaged his lips from your vulnerable spot, gently running the tip of his tongue along them. "It feels good, doesn't it?"
“Yes,” you whispered, barely moving your lips while looking him in the eyes.
With no unnecessary words, he continued eating you out, exploring your private parts with both his tongue and fingers. In just a moment, he slipped a digit gently into your pussy. His tongue flattened, pressing to your clitoris as his finger moved slowly in and out of you.
Moaning was the only logical reaction, and so you did, becoming a little, moaning mess, begging Neteyam for more.
Neteyam discovered with amusement that your pussy soon became incredibly tight, and your inner, soft walls began clenching rhythmically around Neteyam's finger, milking it with your warm wetness. When the overwhelming pleasure became unbearable, you instinctively slipped your fingers into his hair, gently tugging on his braid as a loud whimper rolled over your parted lips. You rolled to the side, panting - you didn't react as Neteyam came to lie beside you, the limbs tossed in a tumble of warm skin; it was a scene you couldn't have ever imagined.
Taking your time to enjoy so craved closeness, the two of you snuggled together, caressing each other solemnly.
"I guess it's my turn to pay the favor back," you whispered teasingly as you kissed Neteyam's lips passionately while his cloth was being taken off.
Neteyam did not flinch when you rolled to him, just blushed a little - he did not complain when you began your investigation - a truly scientific look at a part of man you had never encountered before. Neteyam's penis was long and curved, too turgid to bend, and his scrotum was soft to hold in your hands; his testicles shifted slowly as your fingers gently caressed them.
Straddling his legs, you felt the muscled calves support your ass. "Have your penis experienced pleasure while your mouth was inside me?" You asked curiously.
He grinned at you and replied, "Your pushes against my head were so vigorous that my shaft thrusted the grass, growing larger, so the answer is yes.”
Seeing Neteyam lying still beneath you, you ran the tip of your tongue across your lips and smiled widely, showing off your teeth. It dawned on you that you no longer felt ashamed of your nakedness.
Daintily, your neat fingers brushed up against his shaft.
A deep sigh was emitted from Neteyam, his eyes becoming large as he jerked a little.
"I see you appreciate such contact," you teased, feeling your embers rekindle. When you encircled his shaft in your smooth palm, he began swearing out loud. 
Feeling him twitch and squirm beneath you, totally subordinate to your whimsy was intoxicating.
A cat's grin spread across your face as Neteyam groaned in response to your touch.
Several minutes passed before he spoke, "Feels so good... But quite sensitive. I need some moisture."
"I think we should do something about that." As you licked your lower lip and nestled yourself between his legs, you lowered your head; initially, accommodating his shaft in your mouth seemed difficult, but once you relaxed your throat and muscles in general, it became easier.
A fistful of your hair was seized by Neteyam, who cursed out loud, "Fuck."
As you slowly bobbled your head, you kept in mind that you had to also work your tongue - girls had said that this way men were losing their senses completely.
While massaging your scalp with his long fingers, he managed to whimper quietly, "The pleasure is unbearable."
After quickening your attempts to please your beloved boyfriend, he began leaking precum; the salty taste was left on your tongue, but you loved it.
His cock fell out of your mouth with a loud pop, and you moved a little to kiss his lips while stroking his shaft and circling his leaking tip with your thumb. “Did you like fìkem?”
A hand was placed on your cheek by Neteyam as he nodded eagerly. "I loved every moment you gave to me, oeyä yawntu."
A mischievous grin danced across your lips as you decided to try something much more intimidating. His cock was grabbed and jerked several times before being rubbed against your pussy. From bottom to top, Neteyam's cock brushed against the wetness under your labia. You couldn't resist shifting further up his legs, which caused Neteyam's cock to pass your second lips. The experience was strange, it was too much, but it was all you craved for so long.
Suddenly, your grinding turned from exploratory to utterly necessary - your strokes collided your sexes and white-hot explosions in the back of your skull made you moan loudly. 
When Neteyam's cock collided with your needing wetness, he instinctively grabbed your tail, caressing its tip, cursing both in Na’vi and English.
"Do you want..." You whispered, slowly grinding against his penis, looking him in the eye. It was hard for you to fully express your desires. "My confidence has never been stronger than now, Neteyam. I need you to be mine fully.”
Neteyam nodded, still playing with your tail, which was wriggling vigorously from the emotions you were experiencing. "I've been dreaming about it, Y/N."
Taking hold of your braid, you swung it over your shoulder, waiting for his reaction.
In a few seconds, Neteyam took his braid into his palm, and soon your neural queues were connected.
The unbearable pleasure now became more intense and welcoming as the warm feeling filled you from within; you felt as if you were drowning in it; your pupils widened rapidly. “Dear Eywa! Neteyam!” 
Upon connecting your queues, Neteyam grabbed his shaft and stroked it briefly before slowly pushing himself into your wet core, causing you to roll your head back in a rapture.
Neteyam's hips were bucking up, and his cock was spreading your insides painfully; his hands were placed on your hips, guiding you back and forth, encouraging you to move faster.
Initially bucking your hips slowly, you allowed yourself time to fully accommodate his member; the curve of his penis filled your pussy to the brim, leaving you panting as your hands stroked his bare chest. "Oeyä Neteyam."
His cock was coated with your slick wetness, which made it more sensitive. In a husky voice, Neteyam warned, "I won't last much longer, baby.”
Nothing could stop you from riding your orgasm against his cock as the pleasure shot through your body. “Neteyam!”
The tightening of his grip on your hips was accompanied by sloppily moving hips as he chased his peak. As soon as your name rolled off his lips, he delved his cock deeply into your pussy, cumming within you, milking your inner walls with his seeds.
As you continued to buck your hips several times, you moved your hand down your body to caress the place you were still connected. “I love you, Neteyam. Once and for all.”
As you got off him, Neteyam whistled, nestling you in his arms immediately. "Irayo for taking me to Eywa."
You kissed his nose lovingly and claimed, "I think we didn't do that badly for our first time."
Having agreed with you, Neteyam chuckled softly, "Yeah, we did a really good job. We're an excellent team, aren't we?" While his fingertips brushed against your sweaty skin, his strong arms held you close to his chest.
Instead of replying, you placed your head on his chest and closed your eyes, listening to his mighty heartbeat. There was a sense of lightness - you attributed some of that to your first orgasms, but you knew your joy reached deeper than that.
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Glossary:
oeyä yawntu - my beloved
oeyä - my
Utral Aymokriyä - Tree of Voices
yawntutsyìp - darling
nga yawne lu oer - I love you
irayo - thank you
pxìm - often
fìkem - this (action)
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demilypyro · 1 year
Text
Best thing I ever did for myself was get selfish. Just a little. Enough to consider just for a second whether I was really happy. To consider whether I was living my "best life", just for a moment.
I used to live entirely for other people. I couldn't find joy or meaning in my life, so I was going to use my body to make others happy. I had no dreams or will to live but I had a body and I thought I might as well use it to help the people around me. Work my ass off, find a girlfriend, raise a family, love and cherish, die. Simple plan.
Then I met some trans people online. I didn't understand how it worked, really. I was... inquisitive. Curious. I wanted to understand. It seemed strange, but it wasn't my place to judge. Everyone should have the right to choose who they want to be... But it gave me pause. If I could choose... I would not want to be the kind of person I was.
The idea of transitioning opened the door to the idea of happiness. Personal happiness, not living vicariously through others. Why should I settle for a meaningless existence, hating my body and soul, when I could be exactly the kind of person I admired. And I knew in my heart what kind of person that was. I could be a person I was not ashamed of being. And that kind of person could... do things. Accomplish things. Work hard to attain personal goals. That kind of person would have hopes and dreams and wants and desires. Real ones. And she would be strong, unbreakable, determined. She would have self-respect. She would be flawed, but self-aware, and willing to work on herself. She would get everything she ever wanted through her hard work and raw talent. She would be larger than life and completely ordinary. She would become the best version of herself or die trying.
I woke up in a cold sweat. I didn't remember going to bed.
I had college in the morning.
I would call my doctor a month later.
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swampstew · 1 month
Text
1-800-GRANDLINEBLING ♥ Call Me On My Shell Phone
To celebrate 1K+ followers, I opened up phone lines to the crews! Part 1 of 3 ~ X reader (and one OC) with Kid, Killer Law, Zoro, and Sanji for myself, @quinloki @icy-spicy @yamat0 @mandiemegatron and @leftsidebonfire Part 2 | Part 3
You are now being connected to...
Purururu purururu puru—
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Kid: Hey babe, I know it’s been a while since we talked. Even longer since I’ve seen ya…and I miss ya…so damn much. I’ll be back from my trip soon and when I do, I’mma make it be like I never even left. Don’t make any plans for the next few weeks - yeah weeks, you’re gonna be stuck with me for a minute! HAAH? Sorry the line is busy, but I’ll see you real soon. I love you.
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Waking up to start your morning routine, you were interrupted when you heard a commotion in your backyard. Hurriedly, you investigated and found that some kind of animal had gotten into your she-shed and left a mess. After you cleaned it up, you went back to your bedroom and was stunned to find your bed made up and decorated with flowers and treats.
"KID!" you squealed as the giant scooped you up from behind, burying his nose in your neck, softly kissing your skin until he reached your lips. Ravenous as he sweetly but impatiently kissed you, leaving traces of his favorite red shade smeared all over you.
"Hey," he finally whispered, kissing your cheek, "Get dressed, I'm taking you out. I have a whole day planned for us."
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Killer: Hey gorgeous, it's good to hear your voice. Man I really miss you, actually we'll be docking very soon. Is it alright if I take up your day and night? Heh, you're so sweet. I'll be sticking around for a bit before the next trip, and I'd like to spend that time with you. Yeah? Awesome. I'll be there soon. I'm cooking you the best pasta you'll ever have!"
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Killer did not specify which day he was visiting, which made you all the happier when someone knocked on your front door and it turned out to be your new beau. You giggled as he scooped you into a bear hug, your legs lifted off the ground by his strength and height difference.
"Mmmm there she is," he sighed behind his face mask, nuzzling your face to push the fabric away. "Gods I missed the way you feel in my hands," he kissed your cheek softly.
"Kiiilllller not outside," you whine.
"As you wish," he huffed, rushing inside and kicking your door close as you left out a delighted shriek. "We won't be cooped up in here all the time though, I think I owe my girl some spoiling and pampering."
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Law: Hey. It's been a while hasn't it? How are you? Thanks, I'm doing ok, I'll be better when we dock on land. The crew is going to do their own thing but I'm hoping I can stay with you and make up for lost time. Yeah? I like the sound of tha--wait, dancing? You know I can--tch--Shachi needs the phone. We'll talk when I see you. No, you're not convincing me to go dancing.
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Bitch he thought.
Law landed on your island and it took all of 2 hours before you dragged him to the comic book store. A simple route to throw him off his game - so when your day trip transitioned to lunch date, to at-home-nap, to dinner with friends, to the rave party down the block, he couldn't help himself but follow you into the booming building. All it took was some peer pressure, shots, a lot of tequila, and some glow in the dark bracelets. He's down so bad for you.
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Zoro: Hello? Is this thing even on? Oh you can hear me! Good. We'll be on dry land soon enough, and if you want to hang out or whatever, I'm ok with doing that. TCH No, I don't need you to pick me up, I can find your place on my own. Yes I'm sure! I--hm I have to go, the stupid cook needs the snail. I uhm, look forward to seeing you.
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You were pleasantly surprised to find Zoro on your doorstep, on time exactly like he said he would be. You didn't miss the way Franky zoomed away on his motorcycle, all sly-like.
"Told you I knew my way around," the swordsman scratched the back of his head, a pink hue grew on his cheeks as his eyes looked everywhere but you.
"Sure, sure whatever you say Marimo," you grin cheekily, and that made him more flustered.
"TCH, annoying ass. Look we don't have to hangout--"
"Shut up, annoying man!" you bite back, the curve of your lips growing wider as you antagonize your crush.
With a huff, Zoro finally looks you in the eye, the blush on his face deepening, "With an attitude like that, I know exactly what we're going to do first. Hope you still have your sparring gloves."
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Sanji: MON CHERIEEEEE!!! I've missed you every day like a plant misses the sun on a rainy day. We'll be making port in a day and I can't wait to show up on your doorstep with my heart - no, not literally, I know that freaked you out the last time. Do you need me to pick up anything? You always say 'no its ok,' but I swear you're never inconveniencing me! I swear on the mosshead's life! I'll see you soon my love.
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As promised, Sanji appeared on your front porch carrying a picnic basket full of goods and trinkets he brought from his travels. Delighted, you threw your arms over him and he swung you around once before planting a big kiss on your cheek.
"Oh, I've brought a friend if that's ok," Sanji whispered in your ear.
You looked behind him to find a shy little cow trailing behind the French cook.
"Of course," you squealed happily, "Everyone is always welcome here. Let's warm up some milk for this baby to eat."
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Half-Life | Chapter One
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Leon was alone.
Pairing: Plaga!Leon S. Kennedy/F!Chubby!Paranormal Investigator!Reader
Tags: Fluff, Angst, Body Horror, Suicidal Thoughts
Notes: This fic came to me in a fugue state after pulling an all-nighter. I was just really thinking about the potential for Plaga!Leon angst and what it would be like for him to live as one of the monsters he used to put down. I also think it's dismal how little Leon/Chubby!Reader content there is right now, so I made it myself. I'm not sure if I want to leave this as a one-shot or make it a short chapter fic, so let me know what you guys think!
Masterlist | Next
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Leon succumbed to the parasite.
He managed to defeat Saddler and his monstrous puppets, being able to somewhat retain his mental state without a master to control him.
He got Ashley to safety, but he told her he was staying behind, knowing what might happen if the government got its hands on him. He figured it could go a few different ways: they’d either kill him immediately because he would be deemed a threat, they’d experiment on him, or they’d use him as a bioweapon—the thing he’d been fighting against this whole time.
Ashley tried to convince him that she and her father would do what they could to prevent those outcomes after all he’d done to save and protect her, believing (as a young girl would) that he could be fixed and live a normal life.
Leon knew better than that. And so he asked her to tell the world he died when she made it out. Despite her protests and her tears, she did just that.
He then met with the merchant after saying his goodbye to Ashley. The strange man let Leon trade his weapons and equipment—things he’d never need to use again—for basic supplies to ease his transition into living in the wilderness.
Leon had always preferred civilization to the great outdoors. The irony that he'd spend the rest of his life in the middle of nowhere after lamenting this fact was not lost on him.
With a cheerful adieu, the merchant packed up his things and left, never to return.
Leon was alone.
At first, it was almost peaceful.
He lived off hunting the animals in the woods and spearing the fish in the lake with his new scorpion-like tail. He even maintained a friendship with the dog he helped (that helped him in return), aptly naming him “Wolfie” because Leon had never been the creative type.
Even with his animal companion, though, Leon felt… lonely. He had lost everything; his friends thought he was dead, he no longer had a purpose to fulfill beyond survival, and his humanity had been ripped away from him—one of the few things left he ever really held onto while fighting monsters for so long.
He craved human connection more than anything but knew he had to settle for what he had.
And so, when the occasional curious hiker appeared nearby, he did what he could to scare them off. He rarely had to do much to ensure that they wouldn’t come back, using the decomposing bodies of the Ganados and the carcasses of his prey as “decorations” around the entrance of the village.
Of course, there was the occasional brave soul who ventured into his new home. Leon had to take matters into his own hands by either darting between trees and buildings to feed their paranoia or simply showing himself from a distance, standing to his full height and glaring them down.
They always ran screaming after that.
The longer he lived alone, the less human he felt he was, giving in to baser instincts to survive and provide for himself and Wolfie.
But he tried to maintain the human side of him that somehow still persisted, in any way he could. 
He’d talk out loud to himself and his furry friend. He holed up in the village chief’s house and took care of it to the best of his ability. He would set traps for rabbits and birds. He even used the old motorboat to go fishing in the lake, though it eventually ran out of fuel, forcing him to rely on the four appendages that sprouted from his spine as makeshift paddles.
He did his best.
The years slipped by and his loneliness only grew.
Wolfie was old now and Leon worried what would happen to the little sanity he had left when his only companion died. He did what he could to keep the wolf-dog comfortable, ruffling his clawed hands through his fur as he’d done a million times. But now gray tinged the animal’s coat, and Leon wondered how he never noticed it before.
What about Leon, then? Was he aging, too?
In a fit of rage, during the early days of his transformation, he had broken all the mirrors in the house, not wanting to look at himself and what he’d become.
So now he traveled to the well outside, staring at his rippling reflection in the dark water.
The skin of his face was still smooth—or what was left of it after his mouth ripped apart to make room for the rows of deadly sharp teeth that burst from his gums.
His once blue eyes were now a vibrant, glowing red, his vision having been improved vastly by becoming the ultimate apex predator. Just another step further from his humanity, he thought.
He kept his hair the way he always liked it, though learning to use the rusty scissors he found while out rummaging in the village had been a challenge with his new needle-like fingers.
His body had been slowly… growing… over the years. Elongating. His arms and legs, once thick and corded with muscle, were thinning into gangling limbs.
God, it was like a second puberty. But infinitely worse.
He barely fit into any of the clothes he’d collected, the articles simultaneously too loose on his form but far too short to cover his lower abdomen and calves. He didn’t bother with shoes anymore, none able to be pulled onto his taloned feet.
It was fine, however, as the ground wasn’t painful to traverse now (even on the roughest of terrain), and he no longer experienced the cold or the heat in a way that could affect him. That was one of the few “improvements” he welcomed over time, after facing the sweltering summers and winters blanketed in snow.
Despite these changes, though, Leon realized while studying his mirror image that there wasn’t a single indication of aging to be seen. Not a gray hair or wrinkle in sight.
Internally, he began to panic.
If he didn’t age, would that mean he’d be stuck living like this forever? That once Wolfie passed, he’d be alone for eternity?
He wished he had just gone with Ashley and hoped whoever greeted them would have gunned him down on the spot. At least then he wouldn’t have had to live this half-life, practically a ghost already haunting these woods.
He wondered if even the cruelty of experimentation or being used as a weapon would be worth no longer facing this suffocating isolation.
He chided his younger self for his optimism that being left behind was the best option.
It was set, then. After he buried his dog, he would finally pluck up the courage to kill himself. It wouldn’t be easy for him. Leon had always been a fighter, never wanting to give up. But he was tired, and there was nothing besides his animal companion that was keeping him tethered to the world. He was listless.
And yet, there was still a part of him that hoped something might change. He of all people—if he even had the right to call himself a person anymore—knew better than to let hope lead him.
It had been a decade of the same, hadn’t it?
The monotony of his days was almost too much to bear. He thought years ago, before he was infected, that he would enjoy a life like this. It was peaceful in a way, wasn’t it? He realized now he missed the chaos.
A far-off noise suddenly jarred him from his thoughts.
Another “improvement” had been his enhanced hearing. He could pick something up nearly a mile away.
He tilted his head to better decipher the sound.
Footsteps.
Well, that wasn’t unusual, given the area. It was full of wildlife, after all.
But then he heard something else, something that made his whole body freeze up.
Something so distinctly human, there was nothing else it could possibly be.
He heard singing.
+++
Your family and friends had called you ridiculous when you told them you wanted to hunt the supernatural for a living.
Perhaps they were right, but it was a passion of yours to seek out the weird and wild. Maybe that was why you were so compelled by what went bump in the night.
You weren’t sure you truly believed in ghosts and cryptids and the like, but you had an open mind and the ambition to seek out answers. Given the state of the world and the B.O.W.s that terrorized it, you supposed the supernatural might not be far removed from reality, anyway.
You had always been deemed “strange” by others. Had always been on the outside looking in, wondering why being normal never came easy to you.
It didn’t help that your body type—short and plump—made you feel further removed from everyone else. You never thought you were ugly or unattractive, but that didn’t stop others from deciding you were, based solely on something so trivial.
But you weren’t completely alone. Your family loved you, you made good friends, and you even had your fair share of relationships over the years.
You learned that normalcy was bullshit, and so you embraced your strangeness.
And that’s what led you to this abandoned village, hidden deep in the Spanish woodlands.
The locals of a nearby town had told you of the horrors that occurred here. Stories of missing hikers and a cult seeking to take over the world through a parasitic bioweapon; of the daughter of the former United States president being rescued by a young agent who died tragically while saving her life.
You knew all of this already, of course. You had done your research on this place and what had happened to it.
You knew that Ashley Graham made it home safe—traumatized but mostly unharmed. You knew the cult and its monsters had been completely wiped out. You knew the place was practically a ghost town, the forest beginning to reclaim the ruins.
None of that, though interesting, was what brought you to this village, however.
What caught your attention was what came after.
Many were curious about the place when the news broke, but only a rare few dared to visit it. Fewer still ever made it past the gate.
But those who did spoke of a creature who lurked in the shadows. They claimed it was tall—nearly seven feet—and its eyes glowed red. No one had managed to snap a photo of it in their state of panic, but the descriptions were all consistent.
El Escorpion, they called it.
It seemed like a solid lead, and even if you never found this recently discovered cryptid, the tragic and insane history—not to mention the creepiness factor—of the location would be enough material to write a compelling post for your paranormal blog.
Despite your family and friends’ initial concerns about your career of choice, you were doing well for yourself.
You still had to work on the side to pay for your rent and all the expenses that came with your investigations, often cranking out clickbait articles for a quick buck. But your blog had only recently popped off, your posts receiving a ton of new followers after an emotional visit to the ruins of Raccoon City (and likely a dangerous one, considering the radiation).
People liked your methods. They liked that you explained the story behind every location you visited with great detail and respect, but managed to keep it fun while still building up a spooky atmosphere.
If you were honest, the popularity of your blog wasn’t something you really cared about. Although it was nice to see the numbers rise and people engage with your hard work, the content was controversial and you were often belittled for your passion. The only thing you wanted was to get as many followers as it would take to receive sponsorships in hopes of making enough money to take your investigations to new heights.
It definitely wasn’t easy trying to live your dream, but so far it had been rewarding. You hoped this trip would be, too.
You had just exited the vehicle of the friendly (and very, very chatty) local who was kind enough to offer you a ride to your destination. They were a fan of your blog, they told you, and warned you to be careful.
Once they drove off, nothing could have prepared you for the horrifying sight that greeted you when you began your journey.
Bones and rot littered the ground—were even strung up on the surrounding trees like party streamers. Several of the carcasses seemed awfully fresh, and you weren’t sure, but some of the older remains looked… almost human?
No, you had to be imagining it.
But if the visuals didn’t make your stomach turn, the smell definitely did.
Ignoring your watering eyes and the gag reflex threatening to trigger, you pulled the collar of your shirt over your nose and snapped a few promising pictures before moving forward.
It was a bit of a walk, having to travel through an old hunting lodge that had seen better days in order to finally reach the village gate.
You balked at the human skulls that lined the top, a chill lurching up your spine at the realization. Instead of allowing the sinking feeling in your gut to control you, you took some more photos instead, determined to see this through.
You drew in a deep, calming breath and opened the gate, having to use most of your strength to push through the rust that coated its hinges.
You practically vibrated with a mix of excitement and anxiety as you looked at the village before you.
It was terrifying to do this alone, but you had grown used to the solitude during your investigations. You reminded yourself that the most you had dealt with in the past were other people pulling pranks on you and wild animals going about their business.
So, you continued on, not wanting to feed the needling fear that someone or something could have been left behind by the cult.
You spent some time in the village, singing to yourself to help settle your nerves, before leaving out of another gate. You didn’t have a map of the area, no one having been much further than the village in the ten years since its abandonment, so you simply had to explore on your own and hope you didn’t get lost.
You were walking down a wooded path, taking in every detail as you meandered forward, when you heard a rustle in the trees beside you. 
Whatever it was, it must have been huge. You prayed it was a deer.
Gathering your courage, you faced the direction of the noise and drifted closer to the edge of the forest, your movements careful and deliberate in hopes of not scaring whatever it was off or goading it to attack you.
It was broad daylight, but you were struggling to see into the shade cast by the densely packed foliage.
“I won’t hurt you,” you whispered gently as another movement from whatever it was jostled the bush in front of you.
It was stupid, but you felt inclined to reach out your hand, hoping it wouldn’t get bitten.
That’s when you saw the pair of glowing eyes staring at you through the leaves, roughly waist-height to you.
You felt some sense of relief at that, believing it to be a woodland animal.
That is, until the eyes started to move up. 
You froze in place, hand still outstretched, as a massive creature stood upright before you, their features obscured by shadow. 
Your mind screamed at you to run but your legs remained locked in place.
This is it, you thought. I’m going to die.
Well, at least it was a good run.
The creature stepped forward into the light and you were met with possibly the most horrifying beast you had ever seen.
It was over a foot taller than you, its form similar to that of a human, if not for the four long, spidery appendages that unfolded from its back, a scorpion tail whipping behind it.
It had talons on its feet and long claws instead of fingers, the tips of them dangerously sharp, its worn clothes hanging off of it awkwardly. 
Your eyes eventually climbed back up to its face, its mouth split nearly to its ears as it bared its fangs at you, glinting wickedly in the midday sun.
Your gaze met those glowing red orbs once more, the creature’s expression akin to a glare.
Something about its face seemed so familiar to you for some reason, the mix of confusion and terror only further cementing you to the ground. 
You still didn’t move when it took another step closer, its leg nearly brushing your still outstretched hand.
“You should’ve been running by now.”
You were startled by its voice, the sound deep and masculine. And pleasantly human despite the obvious threat.
You knew you had heard it before.
He leaned forward, his head level with yours as he searched your face, looking clearly befuddled by your refusal to escape.
“You’re practically begging me to eat you, little rabbit. But I prefer a chase.” He sounded serious, but he made no move to touch you.
Your hand finally fell to your side and you swallowed, hard.
“You’re lying.”
He raised an eyebrow at you, barely visible behind a curtain of choppy blond hair, before replying, “Excuse me?”
You took a shaky breath. “You’re lying. You’re not going to eat me. You’re not going to hurt me at all. There hasn’t been a disappearance in the area for ten years and everyone who’s come here since has lived to tell the tale.”
He laughed in surprise, running a claw through his hair. It was so uncanny how human it was. And how familiar. “Maybe I’m just a bad hunter.”
“Well, if those animal remains at the front of the village path are anything to go by, I highly doubt it.”
“Not all of them were animals, you know.” 
“The ones that weren’t are too old, though, aren’t they?”
“You’re observant, I’ll give you that.” He folded his long arms over his chest, red eyes looking out across your surroundings, sounding almost sheepish as he added, “You know, this might be the most I’ve talked to someone I should be eating instead.”
He shook his head and chuckled to himself before meeting your gaze.
And then it clicked.
“You’re… You’re Leon Kennedy, aren’t you?” you breathed.
He stiffened at the name. “How do you know who I am? Did someone tell you? Did someone send you here?”
He took another step during his inquisition, your noses nearly touching, his hot breath fanning across your face as you glanced at his sharp, sharp teeth.
“I’ve seen pictures of you. Interviews, too. You were all over the news when you survived Raccoon City. And again when President Graham claimed you died in action.” You paused for a moment in thought before you asked, “Did Ashley Graham know you survived?”
He scoffed, pulling back and stepping around you to add some distance. “I asked her to tell the world I was dead so I could live the rest of my days in peace as this… monster.”
“Ah, and all these curious visitors are like annoying kids in your front lawn?”
He huffed out a laugh. “Something like that. Why are you here, anyway? You seem kinda far from home.”
“Well…” It was your turn to look sheepish as you tried to explain, “I’m a paranormal investigator, and I came here because there were cryptid sightings in the area. Guess you’re the cryptid. Mystery solved.” 
He rushed back over to you, grabbing your arm. The movement jostled you and made you flinch, but it didn't hurt. He winced at your reaction, though, and loosened his grip. “Listen, please don’t tell anyone I’m here. I don’t need this place becoming a tourist hotspot. Not yet, anyway.”
“Not yet..? What does that mean?”
“Don’t worry about it, just… Please just promise me you won’t tell anyone about this.”
You bit the inside of your cheek. “The problem is that I spent a lot of money on this trip, and if I don’t have something to show for it, my career could flop.”
He sighed deeply, releasing his hold. “Look, I can make it up to you, okay? If you’re strapped for cash, I have a bunch of gemstones, jewelry, and expensive little knick-knacks. Take what you can carry, got it?”
You thought on it for a moment, considering your options. You wanted to respect his privacy, but it was difficult to let something this big go. However, if he was willing to pay for your silence, you supposed you couldn’t complain. Maybe you could even buy better equipment when this was all said and done.
“Okay. Deal.”
He moved to shake your hand in his clawed one but pulled back when he noticed you eyeing it nervously. “Great. We’ll get you your stuff and send you on your way before it gets dark.”
“About that… My ride isn’t coming to get me until tomorrow morning. I was planning to camp out here tonight,” you revealed.
He gave you an incredulous look. “You’re telling me you heard rumors about a monster living in the area and you decide you’re going to spend the night here? No backup plan?”
“What can I say, I like to live on the edge. Besides, I didn’t really believe there was a monster out here, anyway. Egg on my face, I guess.” 
He rubbed his eyes with his palms as he let out an exasperated breath. “Right, well I guess you could spend the night, then. There aren’t any B.O.W.s left in the area except me, obviously. But some of the wildlife isn’t exactly friendly. Would be safer for you to stick with me.”
Your lips parted in surprise at his generosity before you offered him a grateful smile. “Thank you, Mr. Kennedy. I appreciate it.”
“Please, just… Just call me Leon.”
“Well, thank you, Leon,” you said, proceeding to give him your own name. 
His lips peeled up in what could almost be described as a bashful smile before he pointed further down the path. “C’mon, then. I can make us dinner.” 
You shocked him by hooking an arm through his, beaming up at him.
“We better get to it, then.”
+++
We.
Leon hadn’t heard someone say that in a long time.
Maybe things could be different.
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Masterlist | Next
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lordeemailarchive · 6 months
Text
how I’ve been, revised
(20/09/2023) (Solar Institute Bulletin No. 22) (From London)
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Aftershow quiet in Helsinki
Hey,
I just finished writing you a long letter, catching you up on how I’ve been. It ended neatly, tied with a little bow. I chose my words well, but I didn’t tell the truth. So I’m starting again, gonna type and not look back, and send what comes out.
I’m in London, have been since May. Things feel clear here. I haven’t seen many friends; mostly, I’m alone with my thoughts. I go swimming, I go to work, I walk home or take the train, I eat in my kitchen, I go to bed thinking about what I’m making. I’m starting to miss my friends and family, like a vitamin I’m deficient in. Soon I’ll be going back to New York, and then home.
I’m living with heartbreak again. It’s different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself. I eat chocolate to try and manipulate the endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn’t been invented yet.
My body is really inflamed, it’s trying to tell me something and I’m trying to support it but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated. My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times. I realised earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it’s something I never really learned how to do. I’ve been trying to teach myself that this year, but it’s been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn’t give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through. The little yellow pill I took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15, I stopped taking it 5 days ago. Gonna see how it goes.
I go online and look at everyone. Beautiful people sing to me. Everyone’s gotten really good at the same thing. I look at arched backs and wet flower mouths, the right bag, the right sunglasses. I wonder if it feels as good as it looks, it’s been so long since I chose the best picture from a hundred, lined it up like pulling an arrow taut in a bow, and let it go. Everyone looks very thin. Just thinking that makes me feel tired and far away. I’m not sure if it’s having an effect on anyone else. I keep spending money, wondering if what’s in the package will make me feel right, but I guess I buy the wrong things. I was gonna go to fashion week in Paris, had all these grand plans, but this week I txted my manager and pulled out. At the start of my career I promised myself I’d never be one of the people in the light smiling if it wasn’t real.
Earlier this year, I ate two handfuls of mushrooms, solid doses that tasted like green dirt. I got a lot of information about what my body had been through in our time so far, what it needed, where God was and where God wasn’t; I felt in my bones how destabilising it is to leave home and start a new life the way I did. I also saw that my body is completely magnificent, and that hating it is as futile as hating a tree; that I truly, truly love doing my job, and that my life is like a beautiful tapestry, and every inch of it is precious and has meaning.
It might seem funny or be easy to forget, but I make records because I need to. The songs are spells; a spell to let go of something, a spell to unlock a door. Every time I put something into words just as I see it, set it to the right music, a knot comes loose in me. But it hurts too, confronting the knots. I’ve made enough records to know that this feeling of my skin coming off is part of it. I know I’m gonna look back on this year with fondness and a bit of awe, knowing it was the year that locked everything into place, the year that transitioned me from my childhood working decade to the one that comes next — one that even through all this, I’m so excited for. It’s just hard when you’re in it.
So in this state, I went out on a short European festival tour. We built a cool new version of the show in a couple days. It was good to change gears and get out of my head. I put effort into the show, changing the setlist and arrangements, it was cool how you picked up on that, and it felt good dancing to the new versions with you, looking out at you, all sweaty with your friends, all on the same drugs. I felt the throb of history that’s under this music now, how each year makes these songs feel more like collectively written and sung pieces. I left my body and merged with yours and it was ecstasy. Then I went home to a business hotel and washed the glitter and smoke out of my hair.
Lauren took some beautiful pictures — sharing a few with you here.
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Backstage in Portugal.
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Cute Polaroid series of the 6pm, 8pm, and 10pm versions of me on a show day.
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I’ve read some great books recently, including Drive Your Plow over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk, Speedboat by Renata Adler, Motherhood by Sheila Heti, Rough Translations by Molly Giles (brought into my life by sweet angel bookworm Chris Chang), Birds of America by Lorrie Moore; am waiting on my copies of ĀRIA by Jessica Hinerangi and Te Ana Ata: Menstruation In The Pre-Colonial Maori World by Ngāhuia Murphy. Was given Wawata - Moon Dreaming by Dr. Hinemoa Elder which I’m loving looking to as the Maramataka evolves.
It was Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori last week, I loved listening to this from London. This vid from Hemi showing the similarities between te reo Māori and ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi is so sick.
Been meaning to tell you about The Kindness Institute too, a mental health resource for Māori rangatahi that has recently lost government funding. Go check out the beautiful, necessary mahi they’re doing — I know the cost of living is cooked for Kiwis right now and pop stars asking people to donate sux, but if you work at a good sized company maybe you can wrangle a donation from your employers?! I’m gonna email my record company about it.
Other bits that have inspired lately:
Dieter Rams’ principle of “as little design as possible”. This fantastic interview with Thom Yorke. Maddie’s unbelievably beautiful Melo inspired tattoo.
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Loving the beautiful new Troye songs and vids, Kelela’s Raven hitting right on the e-bike rides home, late to the magic of Frou Frou but glad I’m here, and the rest of my brain is M.T. Hadley, this great Te Whanganui-a-Tara based band Womb, and Talk Talk. And for those it concerns, have been pilled by parasocial big cousins Jason and Chris. My mum just sent me a Sylvia Plath poem that feels like it sums up the above, I’ll copy it here:
They thought death was worth it, but I Have a self to recover, a queen. Is she dead, is she sleeping? Where has she been, With her lion-red body, her wings of glass?
Now she is flying More terrible than she ever was, red Scar in the sky, red comet Over the engine that killed her— The mausoleum, the wax house.
Sylvia Plath, "Stings"
Hope you’re taking care of yourself. Don’t worry about me, I still laugh every day, it’s all moving, even when it goes slow. I’ve accepted the mission — I have a self to recover.
Speak soon, E X X X X X
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(source: received this email)
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guppyfish77 · 3 months
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Another year Another summary of Art! An Entire Year of Submas lets gooooooooooo!!!! This year I feel like I really pushed myself when it comes to illustrations and I feel like I've learned a lot! But at the same time I feel a little tired, next year I think I wanna relax and experiment a bit more, I gotta learn to loosen up! Might get more art out if I do :p
I also feel the Submas grip ever so lightly relaxing (unless they decide to do Unova remakes haha XD), so I might introduce some of my numerous ocs in 2024! I'll probably start with the conductor oc ;]
Thank you for all your support! (you are all very nice! ToT), I still have a good amount of submas stuff planned in the works so look forward to that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
If you are interested, I also have some commentary and behind the scenes for some of my submas illustrations! I wanna talk about it and now seems like a good time to do so now that the year is over! (Beware! its going to be long!)
All titles are linked to the original post
Lunch Break
hoho! This one is the sort of AU thing in which the only thing that changes is that I give Emmet a Victini friend (not a part of his team, I dubbed them the "victory duo" because Emmet likes winning and Victini is the Victory Pokemon), I planned out a few wordless comics regarding the idea, they were all very lighthearted slice of life kind of stuff, usually Victini causing some mischief and the brothers having to deal with it
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and here's the thumbnails for this piece! I played around with various angles but decided to keep it simple and choose a straight on angle. It was originally a snack break and Emmet sharing a granola bar with Victini, but as I was planning it, submas unexpectedly showed up in the Pokemon Anime where they were serving ekiben, after learning about it it quickly turned into a lunch break! (how fun when new information lines up with an art piece you are working on hoho! ^ ^) After studying what foods Ekiben usually have in them (there was quite a variety!) I took what I learned and try to make the food look like the gear station logo :D
In the background there are children drawings because in the battle subway one of the trainer classes you can face off against are preschoolers, and I thought at least one of them would share their drawings with the subway bosses (and of course why wouldn't they hang it up?), there is also a trophy in which you can get in the players room if you beat the subway bosses on the super trains (one day, battling competitively is not my forte), I did my best to make Emmet's office feel lived in by adding a little bit of clutter (like adding a note) but overall very organized
(hey hey that joltik mug looks familiar in the corner there, its the same one Rei is holding in the christmas drawing)
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Bonus Emmet and Victini Drawings
aw come on dude, not on the trains!
ah this one, it gave me quite a bit of frustration! This piece I used to challenge myself on perspective, and challenge me it did! The version you see now is I believe the 6th iteration of this drawing! The reason for restarting so many times is because I originally wanted it to be in 3 point perspective, but I couldn't get it to look right so its now in 2 point... Haha Some valuable lessons learned there!
This illustration was inspired by the history of New York Subway Trains and Graffiti! I read about it when I got to visit the New York Transit Museum and found it super interesting!! Then I went I gotta do something with this! Since Unova is based in New York after all!
I got so many subway surfer comments, they don’t know I forgot subway surfers existed while making this and that I am a huge nerd lmao
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I had a lot of fun designing the graffiti on the train (yes it says among us) stylizing the fictional letters was so fun! I studied some graffiti to see how they do it, I could've pushed the graffiti style more but then it would be illegible! I also mixed in elements of Grafaiai graffiti, and trainer that is running away is the artist trainer class in SCVL because they are graffiti artists! And the train that got graffitied is the Wifi Train, due to BW (and the DS) servers being shut down, I doubt that train gets used much anymore, which makes it a perfect target!
Derailed!
hohoho! This was a fun one! I'm not sure how many of you guys read my tags, but in there I did state that this piece was based off the fact that model trains are powered by electrifying the rail it runs on (very low watts mind you) and the fact that Joltik eats electricity, but thats not the only inspiration, it was also inspired by those videos of cats laying on the layout and derailing the train!
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Theres quite a variety of thumbnails for this idea (including a comic!), and the idea was there in 2022, but this year I decided to fully commit to it! I started rendering the top right one and almost finished it, but it felt really boring to me, so I switched it up and made some thumbnails in a new perspective and viola! thats what ended up being finished!
The train that is being derailed are Sanriku Railway Type 36s, based off a model train I have in my collection! (While sharing this fact on the original post Haiku Bot detected it as a Haiku?! and this art went out of my target audience, that certainly was a day (⊙□⊙;))
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Also I straight up put a picture of Thomas the Tank Engine in the background, I'm not sure if people noticed cuz its quite blurry, the fact that nobody said anything means I probably would’ve gotten away with it before sharing this fact, so hehe :3c
Unexplained Melancholy
eyy! this one! It started out wholly different
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It was originally me dropping Warden Ingo in various natural landscapes around Hisui as I didn't feel like drawing anymore linear perspective (ah, but heres the thing, all environments require a little bit of perspective lol), and it was just going to be Warden Ingo hanging out in a lush forest, specifically by the train rock that was shown in his concept art! but after sitting on it, I realized I could do something more with it! by making it a snowy environment I could make callbacks to Emmet's coat being white! hence the "SNOWY!!!" being scribbled there, that was added like weeks afterwards, Then I realized I could push it even more by making the whole environment about Emmet's colors! So the new thumbnail is in color because thats whats its about!
The moon smile thing was stumbled on by complete accident, while working on it it felt empty there and I added Emmet's smile to fill the space before going "moon!!!"
The piece is also a sort of a parallel to last years piece “I am Emmet, I wish for Ingo and I to be a two-car train once more” composition wise, sort of, I tried to at least 👍
Black Tower and Whitetree Hollow
Ah! I was quite proud of this one! Black City and White Forest are some of my favorite places in Unova mainly because the parallels are so very cool!
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As the thumbnails suggest it was all going to be in complete black and white, as I was working on it though I could not help but add some values in there so yup! I quite like both compositions but the perspective won me out, plus that one focuses more on the characters than the other one (as much as I love backgrounds, it really is supposed to be about Emmet and Ingo U_U)
Being places of duality and having a battle challenge in there, it really fit them!
Emmet drops the hottest single of all time 🔥🔥🔥
Not really much to say about this one since it was very much done on a whim, but
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its not the first time I drew Emmet with his hat backwards, I did this little doodle around the same time I did the train graffiti piece, been wanting to do something with this silly idea, and when I heard that audio, I went :o
Following Some Rumors of a Time Machine
the finale! I decided to choose Area Zero because its a very cool place! I am inspired by cool places! and I decided to give it my all for this one!
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The thumbnail I made was more for jotting down the idea, and the landscape was going to be more eyelevel? Later I decided to make it so you were looking down into the crater and you get to see the fog blocking the crystal caverns, to show that Emmet was going deeper into Area Zero and the Deepest part is his destination (the time machine, not the underdepths, I didn't know about that yet haha!) I was always going to make Emmet encounter a Slither Wing, with it being based off Volcarona, a gen 5 pokemon :]
Anyways, That's all I have to say! I hope you found it interesting! (and enjoyed my varying quality in sketches and thumbnails XD) Thanks for listening! see you in 2024! ✌
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ludinusdaleth · 29 days
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hi y'all, it's officially been 1 year since i started T!
it's been a wild, wild year and, tumblr willing, im gonna share some progress photos.
here's a pic i took right after my first injection vs now. i think the most noticeable yet subtle sign of my transition might be just getting broader & thicker in every aspect and you can tell that down to my face shape & nose & neck.
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sideburns, pre t vs now. this in particular makes me so, so happy. and im getting curly beard hairs which means.... i may have a curly beard?? well my mom wins the hair lottery in one way i guess, lol
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when i first started noticing chin hairs (i think 2 or 3 months into t?) vs now - kind of have billy goat scruff going on as my body needs to create a neckbeard before a full beard, i guess, but im honestly happy about it. all ive ever wanted was facial hair. and i hope it grows into a massive bushy affair one day. i also definitely have a double chin now and it's honestly very cute & handsome to me.
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my happy trail area (and i guess my belly hang, lol), pre t vs now
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and some more general body pics (warning, slight but censored ns/fw), pre t vs me now. these..... stun me. not only does the first pic show obvious masculinization of the face but more than that - im bearing up! gaining about 50 to 60 lbs? one of the best things that ever happened to me, and i have t to thank. going from being malnourished for a multitude of reasons to the point it hurt to breathe, vs now being a "big chonker" to my friends. going from being terrified of any sign of being feminine in any way, to practically worshipping my moobs (also hella furry now - but im not posting that here) & learning to accept my hips. feeling like i am not a ghost who cant be touched but a person, maybe a bear today or one day, literally built with fat & muscle to aid & comfort those i care for.
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thanks to everyone who has treated me kindly & been accepting over my progress - especially in wishing with all my heart to be a bear. a few years ago i accepted transition as something impossible in texas, and resigned myself to misery with jeers & looks my way, & death threats & isolation. and now.... it feels so opposite. i grin at conservatives looking at me in anger because i know they can be as mad as they want but im still me, and i have a support system, people who treat me so kindly it's made me realize how much goodness really is possible. i used to feel more wraith than alive. now i feel like a wolf with his pack, a fae in his domain. life is a clusterfuck but something ive learned the past while is you must seek the good in it. you must.
and i did.
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wrotelovelytears · 5 months
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They stare cause they know
IT Girl from ATL
👀Honestly I'm grateful for this Saturn in Pisces transit. I've learned so much about myself and the world around me from isolation. I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy because my mental health has taken various directions and without this time completely alone, I would never have the personal understanding I do now.
‍💀This transit has been about learning to be alone and what it means to be oneself. I see this as a preparation for the Saturn in Aries transit which entails taking those lessons learned and helping others with it through leadership. And I will be starting my Saturn return then too
👀I've noticed as we get closer and closer to Neptune in Aries the world gets more and more... Violent. Like there's no other word to describe it but just pure malice floating in the air. While I could use only astrology to explain it, I'm not going to pretend like there's no big social things that happened that are also making the world this way. Ever since the beginning of the pandemic human behavior has taken a turn for the worse. Add in "forced" isolation from the masses and you get a world ripe for conflict. Yes Neptune is about illusions and honestly it shifting to a more active sign, yeah we might just have to take that L collectively.
👀 I also peeped we will have Aries ruling Neptune, the North Node and Saturn all at the same time at some point. Not saying the world gonna end or nothing, just saying prepare to see more of the current things you see.
👀 So are we gonna talk about how everyone was going the Age of Aquarius is gonna push society forward in good ways just to end up having degenerate behavior become the norm. I understand that Aquarius is the sign of change and "futurism" and it also is the sign of headassery individuality to extremes. Aries is more about individuals leading (ie group work) while Aquarius is more individuality rediscovered and using that to lead (being yourself and that making change). Unless we all course correct this newfound sense of hyper individuality the world is gonna get worse.
Y'all my sons
👀Since my solar return is coming up (this may or may not be posted around or on it), I want to reflect on my past solar return chart. (I will be using whole sign and sidereal chart as a heads up if your wondering why certain planets are in certain signs)
‍💀This time last year I was working two jobs at once, two separate times, I'm blaming my first house mars. Like I have never in my life made a decision so short sighted and yet I managed it because not only is my mars in my first house but Taurus as well. I'm stubborn already but when I was told it was impossible to do both, yeah I doubled down.
🤭That Taurus Mars also made me very conscious about my appearance and how I see myself. This wasn't a negative thing however, I've done so many things to change my appearance to fit the version of me I think is best. Including getting various piercings, doing another big chop (also didn't want long hair no more), buying clothes that made me feel attractive and saying more affirmations in the mirror. The biggest change (that I had little to do with) was finally achieving my body goals. With it being in a 29 degree, I believe this is almost certainly my final form.
‍💀I find it funny how my Moon is in the 22° (which is also the natal degree it's in) and in Cancer because when I tell you I fucking cried all the time and for everything. I did. I know I'm naturally very sensitive but it's like someone turned the dial up and broke it. This has led me to happy tears as well. I also did emotional eat a lot or vice versa. I think combining this with Taurus Mars did make me a little more suspectable to food and emotion related ups and downs.
🤭I also made a lot of progress in therapy due to just wanting to finally process and get over certain shit. I'm going to say the third house holding it is what made me more willing to talk. However this also led to me randomly remembering some tragic thing that happened to me at some random ass time and going "wow, that's kinda fucked... Whomp whomp".
‍💀The crazy thing about this entire transit year is starting it off with a head injury that's kinda led to some long-term neurological issues. Literally didn't even get a day into the year and got the shit knocked out of me because Aries wanted to chill in the 12th house.
🤭Even though I had to stop working due to multiple head and neurological injuries, I at least learned what jobs, bosses, and work environments I do and don't like. I also learned how to easily see when someone is not in my corner and rather be headstrong then correct.
‍💀My MC happened to be in Capricorn that year and yeah, I definitely worked my ass off. I wanted to focus on longevity and stability. That's honestly been my theme this year (and moving forward). That did mean I might've let my relationships struggle because I was working and constantly outside.
‍💀Back to appearance (let me be vain in peace), my Sun and Aphrodite transiting the 6th house probably played a big role in why appearance was so important to me. Having them being in Libra made it just double down.
💀As I am editing this I also have my Ascendant in the 6°, I already said my current sixth house is ruled by Libra so yeah. Being hot n sexy was my goal this year. I achieved cute and "uwu" in the end tho.
‍💀This has honestly been the first year (since I was like... 12) that I haven't had any type of romantic relationship, I think this leads back to Saturn being in Pisces mostly. I also think it's me having a Scorpio Venus (which happens in my natal chart) but in the seventh house. See that's squares my natal Venus despite being in the same sign. {Actually my whole chart this year squares my natal but that's not the topic at hand.} I honestly didn't know what to do in the beginning of the year, I wanted a relationship and understood how important they are to me (sorry I'm a romantic at heart, I love love and being in love. Transiting the seventh duhh) AND I did almost no work to seek one out partially due to things I had to work out from my past (there's that pesky Scorpio in me popping up). Anytime I was approached for a romantic partnership I automatically questioned the person's intent and if it was self fulfilling prophecy or my intuition being OP, I never had anything pan out. In the beginning that annoyed me and I realized one I wasn't done doing work on my lack of trust in people, two seventh house rules open enemies and them people did not have my best interest at heart.
‍💀My Jupiter was in retrograde which could've played a part in why I dropped most of the spiritual aspects of my life and tried to raw dog it. That was a terrible idea, I ain't never felt so lost before lmao. While I could have religious talks, the spiritual aspect was lacking. It was like belief without practice for me and that's not really believing. As the year is coming to a close I've been getting more "lucky" and spiritual again. I had to learn that certain aspects of my life just work and others don't. And that my definition of my religious beliefs are vastly different than what others of my faith might be.
🤭All in all I learned the lesson of the importance of individuality within community. Not community without individuality. Or individuality before community.
‍💀Another reason for my struggle with religion, spirituality and all that was Saturn being in my 9th house. My will to continue higher education and be involved in anything literally besides work was gone. Now my life long dream has been multiple PhDs but when I tell you I avoided any conversation around finishing my first degree, one PhD was looking real unattainable.
‍💀Saturn really beat my ass this year as it was also the ruler of current profection. Hopefully my luck will truly change (in literally every aspect of life at this point) by the time my Jupiter year comes around.
‍💀Another note about my third house Moon, I fell back in love with the things of my childhood. That included gaming, socializing (on my own accord), "weird core" related things like the backrooms and analog horror and so on. The moon transiting certain houses can honestly unlock new (or old) things about you that bring comfort.
‍💀I'm a fixed Dom in my natal chart so being a Cardinal Dom for a year has been very exhausting. I'm used to finishing and quickly learning things. The way I was constantly tested this year had me always on edge. I think it is a good thing however because even though I did end quiet a few things, I also picked (back) up even more things. This has been a year of change without bounds (thanks Aries Uranus ), change that was honestly needed.
‍💀My chart is also pretty evenly distributed. Like I wasn't lacking fire, earth, water or air which explain why change was whooping my water Dom ass. Yes I know water ain't still (even ice isn't unless absolutely 0), and damn how do the fire and air people live like this? I could barely take a break to process anything. I had to process on the move and always be on it.
🤭I'm hoping next year it's more relaxed and stable, I can't handle all this change and movement.
‍💀Funny how my PoF was in Leo fourth and I worked with kids. It was beyond rewarding because I witnessed everything from first steps and words to the start of public (or private) school.
🤭Ceres might have also played a role in how invested I was in my jobs and the children I worked with. However my ovaries might have been on one because I started wanting to have a baby myself and that really isn't a good decision at the moment.
🤭Ceres also might have helped me connect more with my own mother as well which surprised quite a few people but I'd say it's been worth it. Learning how to mother myself has been greatly useful and even helpful with understanding my own.
‍💀This year I found out that I'm Chinese, Japanese and Peruvian, through DNA testing (again). And while doing so caused both my parents to have an identity crisis, I knew of my Asian heritage and somewhat of an Indigenous one as well. Problem is the countries were all wrong from family stories. (At the end of the day I'm still Black, that hasn't changed at all). I find it unironic China and Tokyo conjunction in my 8th house while Inca (what I used as a Peru substitute) chills in my third (almost second). To further that China and Tokio trine my Ceres and yes it is my mom that's half Chinese Japanese (and Vietnamese but couldn't find nothing for Vietnam, we taking what we get). And Inca trine my Jupiter (which I personally associate with my Father because he's a Pisces). My parents on the other hand hate this news because it did bring up old things they wanted to bury in their past (8th house coming through). My only lasting question is how the hell-
💀See I had a strange aversion to taking pictures of myself and even moreso posting the ones I did take. Turns out my Photographica was conjunction my Saturn and opps with my Moon. Anytime I'd take a picture I'd automatically feel disgusted with it despite feeling "pretty". Self image has been difficult this year, despite a lot of improvement.
Asteroids mentioned: Ceres(4)(ur mom) , Photographica(443), Aphrodite(1388), China(1125), Inca(8275), Tokio(498)
This my first actual post in idk how long. This year was.. A lot for me on a personal and societal level. While astrology may not be my source of a ton of dopamine anymore, it's still an interest to me. There's so much organizing I have to do with this page, so please be patient with me as I try to get back into the swing of things.
(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)
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how do you as a bisexual come to terms with the fact that the trans community has literally made homophobia much worse. ppl are proudly being openly homophobic and when you dig deeper it’s actually the “queers” and transgenders who think kids can transition who they have a problem with (not all of course but a good chunk) I believe ppl who wouldn’t otherwise be homophobic are being homophobic bc of the trans community. I use to really struggle w internalized homophobia, and still do, it was only this past year where I came to terms w it and told my sister/close friends. I wish it could be just a normal thing to be gay and you’d be left alone, I believe we were on a trajectory for that. But now things have gotten worse, and thanks to the gender nonsense, openly bigoted ppl (especially religious) are being praised and promoted. All this bc of trans activism. I don’t even care anymore about what they do to themselves, but the damage they’ve done to actual gay ppl is insane and we’re already facing the backlash. I’m not sure if we’ll ever live in a world where being lgb isn’t a big deal.
Honestly? I think the benefit of pushing 40 is that I have a wider lens through which to view activism. And I feel the same way about LGB rights as I do about women’s rights.
Which is to say, every time a big gain is won, there is backlash. There are parts of society that get worse as the culture tries desperately to adjust around the new changes.
Men today are more porn sick and sexually aggressive than 20 years ago. In some ways. People are polling less positively about the LGTBQI+ but how much of that backlash is really directed at the LGB? Are polling groups even bothering to distinguish between LGB and “queer” people?
Let me tell you what life was like as a bisexual teen in 2003. Let’s go back 20 years and I can tell you the world has changed so much for the better. 20 years ago gay rights activists started really making headway towards civil rights guarantees. Suddenly middle Americans had to confront that gay people were among them and not just haunting bars and bathhouses. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such rigid gender norm adherence as I did back then. Men couldn’t wear pastels or purple or pink. Guys got called gay for having a messenger bag. There is an entire episode of “Friends” about it. Sussing out the Gays Among Us became obsessive. Emo culture was a direct response to how frantic straight people were to appear duly heterosexual. TV shows still depicted us as degenerate freaks if they depicted us at all. A few HBO shows that were soft core porn more than anything and Will and Grace was all anybody had. Shows like Xena and Buffy got away with lesbians because men said out loud that hot women kissing was fine. These were the early days of straight men having open lesbian fetishizes. We couldn’t get married. We could get fired for being gay.
For women there was no movement to normalize our natural bodies. I’d spend hours shaving myself smooth. Not wearing makeup was unheard of. Cellulite wasn’t even a word I knew let alone knew was normal. There weren’t a million online resources teaching women that vaginal discharge is normal and I grew up thinking (as did many others) that it was a private shame.
And as far as MeToo stuff? It’s easy to feel defeated in the moment but nobody was using the word ‘consent’ in my day. Men getting women drunk was a joke. Men pushing for sex was a joke. Men calling a woman that had one too many dates or boyfriends a slut was normal. Three of my male friends pinned me down on several occasions and took turns rubbing their dicks on me to completion.
The therapist I told said I “needed to work on my boundaries”. The word rape never even entered my mind. Rape was something a stranger with a knife did. It wasn’t something your best friends did to you and then laughed about. It isn’t something you submitted to because fawn and freeze are real fear responses. No one told me my friend forcing my hand down his pants was abuse because I continued to go over his house, didn’t I? No one told me about red flags or cycles of abuse.
And the older women you told rolled their eyes. What I endured was so mild compared to many other women. Men forcing themselves onto women was just normal.
I can’t tell you what it means to me to see so many young women calling it out. Refusing to stay in a bad situation. Refusing to date entirely sometimes. Women sharing red flags and advice to stay not just safe but thriving.
Don’t get me wrong- the current gender movement is regressive and dangerous. I’m not saying it’ll all work itself out. Activism is constant work but things ARE getting better. They really are, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. 💜
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