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blankdblank · 1 year

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Stay Or Go

Got a request for a FtM trans reader who ends up in Middle Earth with the Company who help them when they run out of their hormone meds. With mention of post top surgery scars. (Again I am so sorry it took me nearly two months to get this out of my head. My mental brainstorming slump has been rough to get out of.)

I went with Xo instead of Y/N while typing, as my phone kept editing to weird stuff while I was on lunch at work, and it kind of goes with the they/them pronouns I used alongside 3rd POV. Also Xo is human and called a ‘Big Person’ in the story but is just mortal and taller than the Dwarves, which Thorin is 5ft2 and considered tall for his people, so they don’t have to be over 6ft when you picture them. Hope you like it, and the trouble for Xo starts when their last bottle of testosterone hormone breaks on them, Fili and Kili of course are there at their service to help them calm down. :)

***

@random-thoughts-004, @devilishminx328, @theincaprincess, @lilith15000, @jesevans

...

Glass bottle in hand Xo stood staring at the single dose of the medicine that was the only gateway to all they could have dreamed of since they were a small child and had put a name to an ingrained feeling. Nothing could shake the fact that they knew they were born in the wrong body, but the universe damn sure tried to rock it loose every chance it got. Just like today.

The law is such a fickle thing and as a duo of Congressmen under the banner of a clear seeing eyeball was righting the morals of the world now banning any gender reassignment meds and surgeries, amongst other things to dehumanize any minority possible, within the borders of these lands.

This was Xo’s last dose and with skin itching at the urge to shout and scream and go down in a riotous rage at the news they had to keep it safely nestled within their grip. Noise of bodies on the walkway behind them inside the hall of the medical office where they had come to see if they could beg their counselor in charge of this transition for more as they had to each time before to prove each time they had not and would not change their mind. The usually stone faced doctor now was found grinning ear to ear with legal reinforcements to their refusal to treat this particular so called mental delusion within this already morally uptight area of the county.

They had to move and get home and think of what to do. Already shoving back the gnawing echoes of comments from family and those they worked with who had been sure to comment and share similar arguments to what the grinning doctor had tried to coax them into realizing all this time, they were wrong. Something was wrong however, like through an unseen fae ring with the bump of a sturdy fur coat adorned shoulder into their elbow down the bottle plummeted to shatter atop a cobbled pathway that had Xo grunt in fruitless anger and mounting emotional pain.

“Ki!” Fili exclaimed to his younger brother who he had just been arguing with over the best time to depart in the morning as they had arrived to Bree early.

“I am so sorry!” Kili exclaimed, the brothers now facing the taller stranger with almost pleading eyes to show the internal tug of their youth to pout and beg for forgiveness even as they had just barely crossed into their adulthood years. “Whatever that was we will replace it!”

Fili nodded, “Double, the supply, if possible from the Glass Smith.” He took a glance down at the metal capped useless tiny bottle. “I cannot imagine what spice it was intended to hold but at the size the Smith must carry a vast quantity yet!”

“It,” Xo spoke unsteadily, “It can’t be replaced. The bottle is useless without my medicine.”

Kili said, “The Healer is still at their stall, we just passed them by. Come, we will explain the fault is ours!”

Fili nodded with his brother and said to start their joint greeting, “Fili and Kili, sons of Vili.” And Fili continued alone, “We are of the Longbeard clan our kin have good reputation with the Big People of Bree they will entrust it is the truth.”

“Bree,” Xo whispered internally as their mental dread now plummeted to a level of panic to have them in the cusp of passing out as they now knew they were not even in their own world anymore. “They won’t have my testosterone.”

Kili narrowed his eyes at the odd name, “Perhaps they have a medicine of another name but just as useful, what is it meant for?”

Dry mouthed Xo drew in a breath as they tried to not allow their knees to buckle as the edges of their vision began to blur. Now surely bent on ticking down to the inevitable collapse. “For, for my transition into a man.”

“Hobbit Root!” They both exclaimed together and smiled up at the stranger.

Kili said, “How fortunate that we are expected in The Shire tomorrow where the most potent of it grows! You can travel with us and we will replace your supply.” His brows furrowed again, “Only, the last I recall it is the size of a turnip and that bottle was far too small to contain a bulb.”

He looked at his brother who nodded, “We have a cousin who shared there was two doses required for their change, you appear to be between doses as well, quite painful to be extended over doses by what we hear. Curious we have yet to hear of Big People who make use of Hobbit Root, although we have had little exposure to Big People beyond those who travel to the Blue Mountains bound to be a fair supply nearer to where Hobbits barter.”

Kili asked, “How did the bottle be useful for the bulb, if you don’t mind my curiosity?”

Xo at the new option now felt a chill through their body that now seemed to stall on the unconscious time clock at this odd news of a strange root named bulb these two oddballs spoke of. “Testosterone isn’t a bulb, it is a liquid dose you inject weekly.”

“Weekly?!” They both asked and looked at one another then back up at Xo with a protective glint in their eyes.

Fili said, “Whatever snake oil salesman who pitched that liquid surely was bent on extending the profit of their goods!” He scoffed, “Boiling Hobbit Root and selling weekly doses to extend pain upon his victimized customers. You see that bastard you point him out to us!”

“Or better yet our cousin Ori will meet us tomorrow and will sketch their face for you. We will send copies to all Hobbitons and Dwarf lands, they cross their borders and will be strung up and flogged. Come, we will secure our rooms for the night pay your supper and for the new supply in the morning, double, triple dose or otherwise until you are satisfied of a full change.”

Prancing Pony, not exactly like it was in the films as best Xo recalled. Sat inside a giant barrel of a private tub surrounded by more tubs they stared at the water just soaking in the heat withholding their urge to cry while staring down at their own unflatteringly angled reflection between clouds of bubbles wading across the surface of the hot water.

Inside the tub next to them was the brothers, who with their smaller bodies could share one of the large barrel tubs, the both who had stolen glances as the female attendants here who entered occasionally to offer mead or towels and soap of the scars across their pectorals. Another bit of hard won progress they had to leave the country to achieve as the grinning doctor had again and again put off the approval for said top surgery and had been fuming at the shortcut taken only to retaliate with stricter verbal battles for each dose of hormones.

If this root didn’t work they had no idea what they would look like or what they would be trapped as inside this new and unfamiliar place. They certainly weren’t safe as they wished to be in their old world and now this one even more so.

All the same they dunked under the surface of the water to ruffle out their hair realizing the forgotten shampoo they used and let sit while lost to thoughts when a stinging line of it rolled down to get into their eye. Straight up when they had gotten enough of the water out of their hair they stood, fisting a towel they held over their groin in the climb out of the tub. Wrapping the cover around their hips in the process to get on the warm wooden planks to bridge the path out of the bathhouse to the changing room.

Laid across the spare bed inside the room with two in it where a tale of a harrowing battle was expected of the scars similar to a relative whose way to have earned the battle scars the brothers listened to the unbelievable tale of the process for this change in the unknown world Xo spoke of.

“We gave our word, Uncle.” Fili and Kili spoke lowly to him as the curious Hobbit eyed the tall stranger who crouched in his front hall with hold of a telling set of roots.

Bad mannered Dwarves be damned he was a Baggins and with hand extended he grinned and said, “Come in young Xo, I will prepare your roots and offer my most accommodating bed so that you might take some ease whilst your body breaks and boils out of its cocoon.”

“When, it what?” Xo squeaked out as they were being led to the kitchenette off the side of a soothing bedroom used for births and many maladies of any variety a Hobbit might have to face to not suffer while inside their prized bedroom out of an old superstition that would have this room cleansed in various ways beyond the obvious afterwards.

Two days, as if sent through fire and then water and propelled through about any physical barrier constructed by man or imagination could construct their body truly broke and boiled internally to this metamorphosis.

Just glimpses was what they recalled, of blurry faces and voices of comforting tales to strength sustaining snacks of broths and soft squishy pellets of a mixture of potatoes and type of bread shared of tales from both Hobbit and Dwarf kind.

Each member of the Company took their turn on watch to sit with the Big Person enduring this physical battle. Singing songs and warmly comforting the small bouts of worries shared of the possibility of what comes after like a parent would to a small child who awoke from some night terror. Tenderly handling the messiest or unpleasant tasks with as much respect and trust that they would hope to receive from a Healer of any culture sworn to abide the weary and worn.

Only for Xo to awake and groggily make their way to the bath to stand aside and let the Hobbit fill the water for a cleansing herb bath and catch sight of their reflection.

Fingers raised they just had to touch it, almost afraid it was a window and some stranger was staring back at them. Bits and pieces of older relatives could be spotted in some form of resemblance. Not identical to any one but easy enough to be seen amongst the clan as clearly one of them off various parts.

The scars were still there, all those they received and aspired for in their prior form and still they didn’t know what to think. There wasn’t exactly a face or exact build they had aspired to, but they guessed the gradual process to get where they were meant to would have helped to not have this moment of shock and need to swear to themself they would get used to this new version of themself.

“Bath is ready, Xo, just soak and we will finish the stew. No worries on that silly journey of theirs yet. You just keep your spirits up and take the evening to acclimate to your upright self again.”

“Thank you,” Xo stammered out and was given a kind smile by the Hobbit in the close of the door.

“No need,” the voice faded behind the wooden barrier amongst voice of the Dwarves who were sharing they had bartered for more supplies for their trip now hoarding up the front hall that was only welcomed by the Hobbit so he could keep his meddling cousins in the Sackville line away by lie of their being too many bodies inside his Smial already.

“We have bartered for a full set of supplies for yourself and we have a second horse just about your size, perhaps a bit bigger, however your legs clearly will be able to reach none the less with the saddle paired to it, adjustable stirrups and all. Spare layers and a traveling cloak, bedroll and ample pocketed pack.” The thirteen Dwarves smiled up at them proudly.

“I, have no money.” Xo stammered out. Unable to stay here as Bilbo was leaving and no idea what was ahead to face if they did agree to tag along.

Balin waved a hand, “All that is needed is your signature on the contract. The repayment will be taken from your portion of the treasure hoard.”

“I, alright. I need a pen.” Feather quill inside a bottle of ink lifted between them and Xo nodded taking hold of it and the contract Gloin was holding for them on Balin’s right. “Right,” one signature and in the line of bodies to exit the round green door they took their place to walk off into the great unknown of their days ahead to face their new life in this new world.

Sleeping on the ground and days atop a horse certainly didn’t help the chance to feel comfortable in this new form, but each bath time that once imagined illusion of a reflection now changed subtly in shape still by the week. Both muscle and tone adjusted underneath weeks of dirt and wear of the body building energy draining travel.

A process oddly satisfying as they now knew at least some figment of a limit to what their new shape could take and gradually claimed the new inches and angles of it while use of a spared dagger at the side of one of the elder Dwarves brought about the new skill of keeping control of their facial hair in all of its intricacies and wishes to lay or where it chose to grow or not.

The Elf King, far beyond the escaped lands of Rivendell now issued a charge to arms and call for aid from Saruman and Radagast while Elf Forces of Lothlorien and Rivendell were readied to March to battle. Wider details of their former home had been shared and red blurred the vision of the scar hiding King who knew just what foul duo was hiding behind that duo boasting a giant eye on their banners.

Battle was called and with aid of the White and Brown Wizards it raged through the old world from where Xo had been taken.

The face in those wanted posters Xo supplied the details for now matched the head upon a spike as people from their former life crowded the oddly silent streets in the aftermath of the bloody battle. Huddled together and whispering when bold enough of these strangers who saved them from this unseen enemy while more powerful voices ushered up a call for change and kindness within legal circles.

Family, coworkers, no one knew who Xo could be, as they looked now. Just what they always hoped, to be here and as a man amongst them accepted and not shown shame and scorn

“Xo?!” Thorin’s voice turned their head to look back at the Company who stood amongst the Elven forces readying to return. “Will you return with us? We understand-,” his sentence broke off as Xo could clearly see the anguish and hope muddled in the eyes of the Company and Elves who knew them, whether it be for short off a brief time, the weight of those bonds and those tied to the people who saw them as a stranger tugged at them mercilessly.

Where would they go? Where would they stay?

Thorin couldn’t finish his sentence, if they chose to stay. If they chose to go they lost the chance to do as they hoped, one day to just return fresh faced and free to live amongst them without shame or pain of the failure to gain their love and acceptance as they truly were.

“Do I stay?” Xo whispered to themselves in a second glance between their options.

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uten4 · 1 year

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ask game: wagner, chaos, & strix unib!! what ARE your favorite lines of theirs

MY THREE FAVES YAY!! But oh god... what ARE my favorite lines of theirs... this is going to be tough, but I'm up for the challenge. Thank you again for the asks beloved :3

Wagner

– Overall opinion of them: Screwed up kid who I love so much. Her dichotomy of being a vulnerable, sheltered girl who struggles with buying food or staying awake in class, and a completely ruthless killer... it's very interesting. She's so interesting. I'm hungry for her to have even more experiences and situations and develop from them. It was cool that they showed her opening up to new social situations and everyday independence, but I want the series to veer even deeper into her psyche. And ideally, to us, she would let go of her [internalized] racism :P

– Gender/sexuality headcanons: Lesbian :)

– Favorite moment in canon: Hmm... even though parts of it are kind of overplayed dialogue, the gist of which Wagner has a tendency to repeat, I think my favorite moment of hers might still be her monologues at the end of her arcade mode. The main reason is because you can see her shed a tear under her crumbling helmet, showing her humanity.

But looking back on it, it's super interesting in other ways... I want to look into the Japanese for this line later, but she seems to refer to all the people she has killed as friends, and hopes that their loneliness will be over now that she has released them, and will wield her blade in their honor...?! Definitely will need to think about that more.

Then, honestly, if it weren't for some of the confident voice-acting, I would say that all of Wagner's lines seem to show that she's losing mental stability here. I know it's necessary for writing purposes for a lot of the characters to talk to themselves, but in these scenes she addresses just SOOOO many people who aren't there. Especially Adelheid... oh my god. Now I'm remembering other parts of this game where Wagner directly addresses Adelheid, questioning her, appealing to her, when Adelheid presumably is in Germany and cannot hear her. And if she can hear her somehow then that's even worse maybe. Oh my god. I'm getting sad now just thinking about what a tremendous grip Adelheid must have on Wagner's psyche.

In these monologues Wagner insists that Licht Kreis needs her, Adelheid needs her. Her last line is "Show yourself to me. Re-birth of eternity, wielder of the ultimate manifestation. My existence as the sword is undeniable proof that you need me..." At first I wondered if she was addressing Kuon, since he's also on her hitlist, and he's associated so strongly with the word "eternity." But well... Adelheid also lives forever, is also a Re-birth. Wagner already insisted that Adelheid needs her. And now she is saying it again. She's so extremely desperate for recognition. UNDER NIGHTTTTTT. WHAT DID ADELHEID FREAKING DO TO WAGNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DID LICHT KREIS DO TO HER!!!!!!!!!

– Favorite moment in a fanwork: I do not remember :'3

– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise: That one round-win line she has that's like "get up. Next I'll turn you to ash." Also every time she calls people dogs.

– Characters I love seeing them interact with: Orie!!!!!!!!!!! Their dynamic is so funky. It really brings out so many emotions in Wagner. And it says a lot about both of them. Love themmmm <333

– Sleeping headcanons: She sleeps on her stomach and snores.

– Favorite locations headcanon: This is so random but maybe pet stores. Maybe she likes petting the puppies. And if it's a rare pet store that has shrimp or snails I think she could like them.

Chaos

– Overall opinion of them: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. WHAT CAN I SAY. Like ok. I know he just seems like an average nerd character. And he's arrogant sure. And looks down on people all the time BUT he's so freaking funny and only gets funnier the more you think about him. The way he tries to seem logical but makes rash decisions ALL THE TIME just because he feels like it, and will also accept that just any supernatural thing is real. The way he's so cordial with insane and/or very dangerous people like MERKAVA and SETH. The way he casually implores Seth and Enkidu and anyone else to Please Not Fight Him. The way he tries so hard to not seem gay but is in fact so gay. He's constantly trying to get people to join Amnesia. He gave himself a dramatic villain name and decided he hated it like a month later. He's just so quietly and casually A CERTIFIED LITTLE WEIRDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His casual attitude in general is unironically so cool sometimes. Like I repeat he will go talk to the scariest people in this game like it's nothing to him. And often I do enjoy hearing him talk about his various intellectual interests and how much they mean to him ;~; It's a really good motivation also, you know? And I love his other major motivation... Gordeauuuuuuuu... it just really humanizes him to see him genuinely care so much about another person.

Also he is appearance-wise so so so so so so adorable *unhinges my jaw and bites him* And he pats his giant lizard dog on the head and speaks to him in the sweetest voice ever :)

I could say so many more things about Chaos lol I'm so happy that the writers for some reason decided to make sure he was showing up EVERYWHERE and waist-deep in the plot at all times and not just an accessory for Gordeau or Hilda he's so important and special <3 But he's also so irritating and annoying and unfair and evil and WHY DOES HE HOLD HIS GLASSES IN PLACE WHEN HE'S JUST WALKING AROUND????? UGHHHHHH

– Gender/sexuality headcanons: Cis bisexual man! ☀️💖💜💙☀️

– Favorite moment in canon: I CAN'T PICK AT ALL ACTUALLY I'M SORY. I'M WEAK. THERE ARE TOO MANY GOOD MOMENTS.

– Favorite moment in a fanwork: This art

– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise: Frick....... I'm obsessed with everything this man says that isn't just him insulting people. Sometimes the insults too. UMMM. Maybe it really is "But I digress, this lowly accoutrement to the beast is called Chaos," the beast being Azhi. I think that was the first line of his I saw that made me like "okay maybe I kinda love this character" LOL... not only did he actually humble himself, but he did it in the most pleasantly-phrased way possible. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH ;v;

– Characters I love seeing them interact with: HILDAAAAAA. And GORDEAUUUUU. And Enkidu and Seth <3

– Sleeping headcanons: Cuddle Gordeau often :') They also take turns waking each other up in the middle of the night with the dumbest randomest questions/comments/actions ever and getting annoyed at each other about it. Chaos started it.

– Favorite locations headcanon: HOME.

Strix

– Overall opinion of them: I'll copy-paste parts of something I told you one time bc I think it's a good summary of my feelings on her :)

STRIIIIIIIIIX…. She's so epic to me idk 💜 She's WAYYY deeper than she seems because average UNIB player will just see her and think of her as That Girl Who Follows Byakuya Around and maybe also conclude that she is his sister if they pay attention. BUT THEN YOU LOOK INTO THEIR STORY MODES AND REALIZE THERE'S A LOTTTT MORE TO HER SHE HAS HER OWN BACKSTORY AND MOTIVES COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM BYAKUYA… tbh UNIB writing team kind of popped off on that one 😔 In fact as you once said, they popped off harder on her story-wise than they did on MANY OF THEIR ACTUAL PLAYABLE CHARACTERS LOL.

I love Strix's feelings, her motivation to save Zohar ;-; And I like her attitude. Elegant and stoic but quietly stubborn, determined, sarcastic, full of restrained anger.

– Gender/sexuality headcanons: LESBIANNN 💖💖

– Favorite moment in canon: When she recklessly stands up to Hilda during the fight between Bankikai and Amnesia.

– Favorite moment in a fanwork: This art!

– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise: "I don't really care about my power. I can lose it for all I care. The only reason why I'm in Bankikai is because of Zohar. If Zohar went to Amnesia, I would have went there too."

Also "...That was pathetic, even for you. I hope that soft brain of yours doesn't cost us both our lives." And so many other sassy things she says. She's a veritable fountain of contempt.

– Characters I love seeing them interact with: ZOHAR. And BYAKUYA (except when it's creepy).

– Sleeping headcanons: I got nothing :')

– Favorite locations headcanon: A grassy hill somewhere ^_^

#i didnt get to share any trans headcanons during this whole ask game! well shoutout to trans icons Hyde and Orie and Nanase right now :D #op #unib #asks #under night

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