#toxic cw
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you say the word, im on the way | e. yeager
♤ tags ;; fem!reader, cheating (on reader but not by eren), exes to lover, past toxic relationships, arguing and insults, very emotionally charged sex, co-dependency (in a way), childhood friends to lovers, streamer!eren (BARELY mentioned), make-up sex, oral (f!recieving),, unprotected sex, so much dirty talk, praise kink, petnames angel, baby, pretty girl, eren kinda.. talks to ur pussy djhsdj, 18+
♤ wc ;; 10.2k (utter agony)
♤ a/n ;; i really like. this isn't the best. but that's fine i had a lot of fun alr. very self indulgent. title from teenage fever by drake.
♤ synposis ;; after your boyfriend cheats on you, your ex, eren, shows up for you against all odds. you give into him against your best interest.
You wait for him on the side of the road.
The rain is coming down in heavy sheets. You’re soaked to the bone having left in a hurry with only a single suitcase of your things. Your phones nearly dead, less than 20 percent with an ever-depleting battery. The closest place to charge your phone is too long to walk in this weather. And it’s so late the buses have stopped running.
Even if you could leave, it’s dark and dangerous. Your heart is in your throat, and the only streetlight is so far it hardly makes you feel any safer. You don’t know a single person in your ex-boyfriend's hometown other than his parents, but you aren’t sure you can face them right now if you wanted to.
It’s not like you wanted to call Eren. Or for him to see you as sorry as you are. Dehydrated, exhausted, emotionally battered - you don’t even like seeing Eren when you’re at your best. You’re sure as soon as you get into his car, he’ll start arguing with you. You’ve spent the last 15 minutes mentally readying yourself for his harsh comments whatever they may be.
You don’t have the luxury of being picky. He’s safer than venturing by yourself or taking an Uber. And he owes you one, anyway. Nows a good of a time as any to take him up on that.
Relief fills your whole body when you see a car pull up onto the side of the road. It’s an all-black sports car. Typically Eren, it sticks out sorely from all the other cars that have passed by. Wiping your eyes, you clear your vision to see Eren inside. He’s wearing a black cap and mask.
Your feet sink in the mud as you walk up to the car, but he beats you to the punch. Approaching you in the dead of night with a sort of anger you can feel before you even look at his face. He has a jacket with him made of that thin plastic material.
Before you open your mouth, he’s pulling the poncho over your head. He puts your arms through before he drags you by the wrist to his car. Hurriedly, you grab your suitcase and track it through the mud while you follow. Your voice is too hoarse to protest him, but you shout over the rain.
“Fuck Eren,” You half yell, wriggling your wrist free from his grip “Let me go,”
When he does, you stumble forward. You don’t get a look at his face as he walks over to the driver's side. In your exhaustion, you don’t think twice about it or assume he was doing it on purpose. You resign yourself. Hearing the back trunk of his car open, you try and read his face through the tinted windows. But even with the lights on, you can’t.
Sighing, you truck it towards the back. Your feet sink into the soft earth under you, huffing as you pick it up and shove it into the trunk. After you close it, you hurry back to the passenger seat, finally opening the door to see Eren.
He doesn’t even look at you when you do, eyes focused on the road. You stare at the interior of his car, grimacing at the thought of having to pay him back for getting it covered in mud. Left without a choice, you get in.
The plastic on his seat tells you he might’ve thought ahead. You aren’t sure if you should be comforted by that or not.
The door closes with a soft thud as you get to sit. The sound of the rain is muted almost instantly and leaves you with nothing but the radio, virtually silent, and Eren with a hand over the wheel. You put your seatbelt on and then settle more into your seat. Turning your body to face the window. The tension in the air is so thick you can feel yourself choke around it, breathing through your nose.
Eren’s car smells like spearmint. You’re expecting to be berated at some point, for inconveniencing him or otherwise. After all, you called him through a sob and asked him for something you’re sure he’d rather not be doing.
Instead though, he puts the car in drive, steps on the gas, and does a turn until he’s back on the road home.
He doesn’t say a word or even looks at you. Maybe reminding him of the fact he owed you meant he was going to treat this interaction as entirely transactional, which is infinitely better for you. You let out a breath of relief, shivering. He turns on the heat without you asking.
You decide against speaking and give him a glance of acknowledgment. He doesn’t return the gesture.
You hear your phone buzz in the pocket of your pants, and fish it out. As you expected, it’s just your ex-boyfriend. A slew of missed messages and calls. Your eyes hurt getting adjusted to the bright lights as you send him a quick stop texting me tonight before clicking it off. You want to throw your phone in the river, and yourself. To float down somewhere far from here, and pretend nothing ever happened.
With the white noise of rain no longer drowning out your invasive and sad thoughts, you find yourself choking back more tears. The wound is still fresh, tender, and bleeding.
You’ve always had bad taste in guys.
But you thought this time would be different. He was different. Patient, and attentive and so thoughtful. It was always stable. You met his family, for fuck sake. His mom, dad, and sister - are all good people. A nice house with a garage, health insurance, and a college graduate. From a different place than you and your friends.
It was never all that exciting, but you thought it was better that way. To keep it simple. You put in the effort to make it work. Got comfortable with complacency, and waved off all of your friends when they insisted you should date someone better. Someone who suited you more.
Maybe someone like Eren. The thought makes your stomach sour.
But your ex, he wasn’t a bad guy. It wasn’t so easy. He was safe, and after your other experience with romantic relationships- safety wasn’t something you could dismiss with the idea of deserving more. More was abstract and intangible. Slippery.
You were content, so you stayed. Stability, you told yourself, I just want stability.
He was the last person you could imagine cheating on you. Unsurprisingly with a girl from his hometown who he’d told you about before and swore he got over. Feeling stupid, you let out an exasperated laugh. It’s your fault for trying so hard. For taking his inch and trying to turn it into a mile.
For believing it’d be enough to try. Maybe you know better than anyone, there are just some people you never get closure with. That distant look in his eyes concerned you. But a guy like him didn’t seem like he’d cheat.
You’ve never been so wrong.
Your stomach rumbles as you close your eyes and go over the fight. Subsequently, you forget Eren is even in the car with you. His presence fades into the background, face pained as you think of your exes apologies. He seemed sorry.
But you’re not someone who can forgive or forget easily - so you broke up. It just complicates everything. Already broken up, but you have to get your things. Find a place to stay for the month because it’s too expensive to go home early. Delete him off your socials, and maybe get in touch with your therapist again. The laundry list of post-break-up things to do is the most frustrating and most taxing.
The emotional healing and distrust go in some compartment until you can actually unpack them. After the initial devastations scabs over, you’re sure the sore feeling of sadness will come back with a vengeance.
That’s later though, and this is now.
Moping is a pipe-dream, seeing as you’re in a place where you have no one and nothing. The only person you know lives here is Eren, but you’re not really expecting any help from him after tonight. Maybe 3 days max, if he’s feeling generous enough.
At the very least, he must feel pretty sorry for you. No snippy remark or sarcastic gripe since you’ve gotten in. You can’t figure out what he’s thinking, just as before. It’s almost impossible to get a read on his face, and that thought leaves your mouth bitter.
As bitter as a favor. As bitter as a memory, you swipe your tongue on your teeth to rid yourself of the taste but it lingers.
You avert your eyes to your hands, peeling the skin off the edge of your fingernails. After a minute or two, you drive in front of a stoplight. The red reflects onto your sneakers and into Eren’s car.
“So,” He starts, voice filled with that familiar sharpness “How’s the boyfriend?”
Ah. There it is. He almost disarmed you with his silence. It’s a weird way to start scolding you, but you’ve never really understood why Eren does what he does. You sigh, clearing your throat. It’s thick with tears you’ve been shedding all evening.
“Ex-boyfriend.”
The light goes green, and he takes a right. He lives farther than you thought.
“How’d you fuck it up this time?”
Normally, his insistence on blaming you would frustrate you. It’s classically Eren. The projection was always the name of the game when you two were dating, especially at the sour end of your relationship.
Your desire and ability to fight are diminished though, turning into ember and ash. Giving him a shrug, you laugh a bit.
“Don’t know,” You say with a little more honesty than you were intending to “I just uh. I don’t know.”
He sighs this time, and his voice goes a touch soft. Sympathy feels worse than his anger. How pathetic you must look settles in.
“...What happened?”
It’s hard to get yourself to say it. Even though you know it. Getting the words out feels like climbing a mountain. You lean back into the headrest and turn away from him. Watching the passing cars intently, you smile.
“He cheated on me. From uh, a girl with his hometown,” You say, forthright. Hoping his pity might make him go easy on you “His first love. I came home and found them in our bed,”
You can feel him go stiff beside you.
You realize that anything he said to you right now probably wouldn’t hurt. The numb pain outweighs everything else that you think it’d slide off your back.
“And?”
“Uh... I don’t know. She left. And we got into a fight. Broke up with him and said I’d figured something out. Just didn’t really want to be in the same room with him,” You sigh, rubbing underneath your eyes “Packed my shit and sort of wandered around trying to figure out what to do. Called you when I saw how late it got,”
“Should’ve called me earlier,” He says simply. You chuckle.
“Like when?”
He huffs.
“Earlier. Would’ve picked you from his place and fought him or something.”
You smile somberly.
“I thought about it, buut I thought that'd upset him, so I didn’t,”
This he scoffs at, anger in his voice.
“That’s so like you,”
You wish you could disagree.
“Yeah,” You say back, unsure of what else to do “Yeah, guess it is.”
“What’re you gonna do now?”
You take a deep breath in.
“I won’t be in your hair long. I’ll try and score an Airbnb and wait it out. Leaving early is expensive as fuck.”
“You could stay with me if it’s just a couple of weeks,” He offers easily “Airbnbs are more expensive than a ticket, right?”
“Would your girlfriend be okay with that? Does she know you’re picking me up?”
He stares out into the road, jaw clenched.
“We broke up a while ago.”
“What happened there?”
“None of your business.”
You scoff.
“Of course, it isn’t,” You reply, a little angrier than you can control “Your personal life never is. My mistake. I’m a little rusty on how this works.”
His voice is so cold it’s chilling.
“Don’t,” He grits, hands hard on the steering wheel “Don’t fucking start,”
“I’m not trying to start anything. But it’s hypocritical for you to ask me about the shit that just happened and not even tell me why you and your girlfriend broke up.”
“I’m doing you a favor,” He justifies in a half-hearted way you’ve grown accustomed to “I deserve to know,”
You laugh, voice strangled.
“You deserve a fucking foot up your ass,” You spit, suddenly shaking “A simple ‘It’s complicated or ‘I don’t want to talk about it right now’ would’ve sufficed.”
“You’re still good at picking fights,” He goads, mouth twisted in a sneer “Did you nag him too? Maybe that’s why he went crawling back to his first love”
It’s too far. He’s too far, and he knows it. It’s all over his face, even masked in anger. You shoot him a deadly look, arms crossed over your chest. Suddenly, tears well up in your eyes and you can’t even look at him. It was a mistake, of course it was. You shouldn’t have bothered. Expecting anything from Eren was your own fault. Even basic decency.
Whatever camaraderie you used to have dissolved a long time ago. You bite your tongue
“You’re the fucking worst,” You sniffle, closing your eyes “Just drop me off at a hotel. I don’t want to be around you. It’s my fault for assuming you’d be civil.”
His hands are gripping the steering wheel tight.
“Tell me how you really feel,” His voice is dripping with sarcasm. “I think I’m being plenty civil right now,”
“Fuck. Do you get off on provoking me? On hurting my fucking feelings?” Your voice comes to a scratchy yell, unable to contain the anger in it “I just got fucking cheated on. In the middle of a city where I don’t know a single person other than you. You’re the last person I want to fucking see, Eren. The last,”
“So why’d you call me crying?”
“I didn’t have a choice! If I had a choice, I would’ve called anyone else. Would’ve called Jean or Connie or Armin—anyone. Anyone who isn’t fucking you.”
He clicks his teeth.
“Liar,” He says with the sort of confidence that floors you “You would’ve still called me even if everyone we know was in the city,”
It stings that he’s right. Your strength crumbles.
“So what if that’s true? What does it matter that I thought of you? That’s always been my issue, right? How’d you put it again?” You laugh out loud, a little out of it “I should stop expecting anything from you, right? It’s my fault. I should just stop having expectations for anyone. It must be me.”
He looks a little strained. Almost sorry. You scoff.
“Yeah,” You mumble, exhausted “You’re right. I shouldn’t expect anything from anyone. No matter how much I heal, or how hard I try to do the right thing”
“Y/N—”
“I worked on myself. Went to therapy. Took time off from dating altogether. Did everything right and still,” Your mouth fills with iron “Still. Still. I can’t find one person to treat me decently. Congrats, Yeager. It’s just like you hoped.”
The silence that follows says more than you ever could. You rub your temple. He’s probably right that you pushed it.
“Sorry for snapping on you,” You reply, voice tense “But, I still want to be dropped off at a hotel.”
“Why?”
You laugh.
“What do you think? Think we’re gonna be able to play house for two weeks? It hasn’t even been an hour and we’re fighting,”
He’s thinking. You can see it on his face, the tight strain of his jaw, and his brows. You haven’t seen him in person for more than a couple of years. But the familiarity always lingers. It doesn’t feel unusual, even the fighting.
He hasn’t changed. That much is obvious.
You shouldn’t have called, you think. It might’ve been better to get hypothermia and walk to the nearest motel.
“It’s not your fault he cheated on you,” He says. You think it’s his way of apologizing, a piss poor attempt at comforting you “Guys are just scumbags. Hung up on their first love or whatever. It’s not uncommon,”
You don’t know if you want to laugh or cry. Frankly, you don’t have the energy for either.
“Does that include you?” You attempt to joke. To your surprise, he laughs. His voice is hoarse, and a touch resentful. Not at you, though. That feels important.
“Yeah.” He replies, not looking over at you “Me especially,”
It’s the first time he’s said as much about himself in your presence. Before it was that you didn’t understand him or that you didn’t get it. It’s too early to retract your previous statement. Hope sparks anyways. For what, you don’t want to know.
You nod sagely.
“You especially,” You affirm without any trouble “At least you know.”
This time, he smiles at you. It’s barely there. This whole conversation and the good nature of it is like walking on eggshells. You both know that.
Eren breaks the silence first as he pulls into another lane.
“Stay with me for tonight,” He offers “Just tonight,”
You don’t know why he insists. A loud yawn slips through your lips and your inclination to protest dwindles before being snubbed out completely. Shivering, you nod. Your head feels heavy.
“If you say so,”
You think you feel a pair of eyes on you before sleep washes over you like a tide. They might be Erens, but in your delirium, you can’t be sure. It doesn’t take much for you to succumb to sleep.
__
After your car ride ended, Eren woke you up gently to help you inside. This time, he took your luggage without your asking and helped you into his home.
He lives in one of those luxury apartments with a doorman. It’s fancier than you could ever imagine yourself living in. There’s a chandelier in the lobby, with a gym and a pool. Trekking mud into such a nice place makes you feel guilty. Eren seems unbothered.
You take the elevator up to the 7th floor, and then a right into the hallway. Eren fishes the keys out of his pocket, unlocking the door and stepping aside to let you in.
This is a bachelor pad. It’s the first thing that crosses your mind when you enter.
The decoration is minimalist and expensive. Boyish in its extravagance, littered with pricey things only Eren Yeager would buy. The couches are black, the carpet is white and the windows are big panes that overlook the entire city.
A flatscreen takes up most of the room. There’s a kitchen but it looks unused. It’s lived in, in the way that there are running shoes and clothes. Mess that happens when you spend your time somewhere, but it’s void of things a girlfriend would have in the house. You would know.
On one of the walls is a painting of a woman's naked body, tastefully done. From what you remember of Eren’s ex-girlfriend, she’d have his head over something like that.
Eren clears his throat behind you. When you turn to look at him, he looks a little sheepish.
“Broke up a while ago huh,”
He looks surprised at your deduction. You poke your head at the painting.
“She would’ve beat your ass for even thinking about putting that up,”
His expression is affirmative. After you’re done taking it in, all of your sensory issues hit you all at once. You pull the sleeves of your soaked hoodie over your hands but you’re freezing. His eyes widen.
“Ah, shit. Let me get you a towel. I’ll turn the heat up too,”
“Thanks, ‘ren.”
The nickname slips out of habit, but you don’t get a chance to retract it as Eren shuffles off to grab you a towel.
It doesn’t take him very long, a few in hand. You watch him idly as he turns on the heat before hurrying back over to you, shoving towels your way. You make him hold them for a minute, taking off your poncho and hanging it to him.
You dry yourself off to the best of your ability as Eren goes to put away the raincoat.
“Mind if I shower?”
He shakes his head.
“Would be concerned if you didn’t. I can get us food or something while you’re in there,”
“That’s… thoughtful of you. I’d appreciate it. I can Venmo—”
He puts a hand up, sitting on the back of his couch while you dry yourself off.
“Save your money if you’re worried about it.”
“I don’t want to owe you anything.”
Your frank way of speaking to him irritates him, same as always.
“You won’t owe me,” He assures first “I know we hate each other's guts now, but I’m not gonna let you go hungry.”
Warm. It makes you feel warm. You avert your eyes as you dry yourself off.
“Your mom would have your head,” You murmur. He laughs.
“My mom might forgive me. Zeke and my old man would hang me like a flag,”
“How’s Zeke been?”
His expression goes dry. They’re fighting. Eren rolls his eyes.
“Fine. On my ass, as usual. Business is good. I’ve got a niece now. Zeke’s wrapped around her finger,”
You’ve seen it floating on social media. You feel a little melancholy. It must show on your face.
“You should still visit home sometimes. Don’t be a stranger,”
You smile sadly.
“Easier said than done,”
“...Even if you don’t see me. I’m not the only one who misses you. Jean hasn’t stopped bitching about you going to see just Armin.”
You don’t know if he catches it. He misses you. You’re too afraid to confront it but unable to ignore it. You think over his words.
“It’s not like I don’t want to,” You start, voice slow “But after everything… after everything.”
There’s a minute where neither of you talks. Yet it’s not silent. The room is tense with everything you want to say or everything you did. Every regret, every memory starts to buzz all at once inside of your ribs like a spark of electricity through your hollow.
“If tonight didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have ever seen you again,”
He shakes his head with the same confidence as before.
“I would’ve found you.”
He says it like it doesn’t need any explanation. As casual as relaying the weather to you. He gives you a look, scratching his jaw.
“Go shower. How’s Thai? Same as before?”
It takes you a second to find your voice.
“Y-Yeah. Same as before. Where’s your shower?”
He directs his eyes towards the bathroom. You grab your small luggage on your way, offering him a quiet thanks. The sound of your heartbeat thrums in your ears, faster than the pounding rain.
__
Time passes like sand between your fingers.
After a shower, a change of clothes, and a full stomach - you and Eren are left totally in each other's company. Your expectation of it being awkward or even marginally uncomfortable becomes unthinkable after a while. Despite how late it is, you aren’t tired or all that sad.
Truthfully, you don’t know how to handle how familiar Eren feels. Like a durable winter coat with a heavy and comforting weight on your shoulders. It’s not burdensome to talk to him. He matches your pace and picks up easily on your quips. Natural lulls in conversation don’t feel uncomfortable and every misdirect or anecdote opens the door for more conversation.
Maybe you should’ve expected that. You and Eren grew up together. Along with Mikasa and Armin, and everyone from your hometown. It shouldn’t surprise you that Eren is comfortable.
When you look at him, you see home. If your gaze lingers. even a second too long or if you think for a minute more than necessary, you’re caught in the web of memories you’ve spent your whole life making.
You wonder about your ex-boyfriend. The irony of it isn’t lost on you. Maybe it hurts because you understand perfectly. No matter how much you love after, there’s nothing like first love. If he saw that in her eyes, it’s all that much harder to feel angry.
The only thing keeping you grounded is remembering that you’ve tried before and it failed miserably. It sinks you when you float too close to your heartwarming nostalgia.
The acrid truth is that this is all temporary and circumstantial.
Every now and again you remind yourself you’ve just been very vulnerable. And Eren’s grounding presence is helping you.
Again and again, you remind yourself that.
“High school was so ass,” Eren leans back into the couch, stretching his legs out “Mrs. Carnegie was such a bitch,”
You give him an unimpressed look. He looks like you remember when he’s like this. Having changed into his own clothes, hair tied up messily. He’s adjacent to you on the couch, far enough to stretch his limbs comfortably.
“She was nice to me. She was a bitch to you because you kept interrupting class,”
He rolls his eyes.
“And who was I doing that for?”
Your heart skips a beat. .
“Man, whatever.”
He laughs at you.
“Weak come-back,” He hums, laying his head on the back of his couch. He tilts his head in your direction “I was a good boyfriend in high school at least,” He adds, a little softer.
“You were. You were kinda like a puppy,”
He groans.
“Don’t say it like that, that’s humiliating.”
“What are you talking about? Puppies are cute.”
“Yeah, but hearing that now is embarrassing. I’m a man now,”
You raise a brow.
“Men can't be cute like puppies?”
“No,”
“But Armin is right there,”
“Doesn’t count. He literally looks like a fairy prince. Statistical anomaly,”
That makes you laugh hard enough your stomach hurts.
“Why’re you laughing? Am I wrong?”
“You just said it so seriously. He is an anomaly but I think Connie is cute in a puppy way too,”
“Connie’s bald ass? Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. I like it, his hair looks good buzzed.”
“You’d find something nice to say about a pile of trash,”
“I like your long hair, Yeager.”
He gives you an unimpressed laugh as you break out into laughter.
“Low fucking blow,”
“Cry,”
This time he laughs instead, throwing a pillow at you. You catch it easily, holding it to your chest.
“I do like the hair though. It’s all you ever talked about,”
He gives you a little smile.
“You remembered. I thought it’d make me look cooler. Alternative or whatever. Don’t know if it’s working,”
“Your fans seem to love it,”
He looks sheepish at the mention of his work. You laugh.
“It gets a mixed response. A lot of people miss the short hair. I mostly keep it long because it’s easier to style,”
“Both are nice. I like your short hair more when I think about it,”
“Yeah?”
“I guess it’s cause it was short when we’re growing up. And uh,”
“When we were dating?”
You give him a tight-lipped smile.
“Yeah. When we were dating, it was always short,”
He closes his eyes, suddenly deep in thought.
“You wanna know why I kept it short?”
You think you’d be better off not knowing.
“...Why?”
“When you’d play with my hair,” Subconsciously, he pushes his hair back a little “I could feel it better when my hair was shorter. Thought if I’d grew it, you wouldn’t touch it cause it’d get greasy quicker.”
All at once, you pull back. Whatevers on your face isn’t enough to make Eren waver when he looks at you. It’s easy to get lost in his eyes. Ocean blue, and full of something dark. Tempting like an abyss or a siren song. You swallow a lump in your throat.
“It’s something I’d do,”
The way Eren stares at you is so intense. You’re dancing around it now. What you both want to talk about it. A conversation that’s gone untouched for more than 4 years. Sober and aching. Different but the same.
Eren breaks the tension first. That’s twice.
“I’d cut my hair short if you asked me,”
You’re quiet.
“I’d do whatever you want,”
“Eren,”
“What?”
What do you say? Don’t? Please? What could you say that means more than his name in your mouth?
“You know what,” You say weakly “You know,”
A conversation you’ve had a hundred times before. It burns like bile rising in your esophagus. Crushed windpipes under the burden of love. Your hands grip the ends of the pillow tighter. He sits up straighter. You don’t want to talk about it.
“Do I?”
“Eren,” A warning.
“There’s not any point in talking around it, “ He shoves his hands in the pockets of his hoodie “Around this. Around us.”
“There is no us,” You correct sharply, shaking your head “Not anymore,”
His face doesn’t have anything you can read. You know yours must read of resentment. Eren is his usual blank.
“There could be,”
You shatter at the sentiment. The hopeful, easy way he says it. Like he doesn’t remember anything, and that you two are strangers. You know better that you aren’t. That no amount of healing can take it all back. Maybe you could forgive Eren, and somewhere far down the line - you could even be friends.
But us is impossible. You tried us. It blew up in your face.
“Fuck you for even saying that,” Your voice comes out garbled “Fuck you for even thinking it,”
“How is it fuck me? For wanting to fix our relationship, seriously?”
You hate him. With everything you have in you, with a burning fiery sort of anger. A resentment that’s spent years strangling you. Every time you’ve bitten your tongue, all the time you tried to fix it.
It’s all so messy and so unspeakbly touchy.
“The sooner you get it out of your head there’s a relationship to fix, the better off we’ll be,”
“Bullshit. Bullshit there’s nothing. I make you feel nothing?”
It’s not what you said. He knows that, but he means what he’s saying. And he knows your answer already because he’s like that. He already knows everything about you. Where to make you hurt, and how to make it sting. Eren is a scar, not a bruise. He stays, for as long as you’re alive. No matter how faint, or how healed - he stays a part of you.
He knows that as much as you do. That’s why it took you so long to leave. Of course you’d end up talking about it like this, but that’s not what you wanted. Or maybe it is. You don’t really know what you want from Eren. What you were hoping for when you stayed up late to talk to him and reminisce. You think just camaraderie.
“I hate you so fucking much,” You croak, wiping away angry tears “More than anyone in my life, I hate your fucking guts,”
“You don’t mean that,”
“I do,” Your reply comes in an angry hush “I can’t forget how we ended Eren. The months after I left were some of the worst of my life. Do you know how long it took me? To get better?”
His jaw clenches.
“I didn’t think you would leave,”
His confession stuns you into silence. His arrogance never fails to astound, Like this, it feels incredibly frustrating. Your stomach sours.
“...You thought I would stay? After everything?”
“You said you would,” He raises his voice this time. He sounds hurt. Angry. Sad. All things you didn’t know he could still feel “You—you fucking promised. It was supposed to be forever and you left first.”
“You can’t be serious,”
“You promised,”
“Yeah,” This time you sit up. Everything hits you at the same time “When I was 17 and in love. Before you treated me like shit,”
He winces. So he does know.
“You remember now, don’t you? You changed. You left for college, you stopped picking up my calls. You were such a fucking flirt that half of your campus thought you were single till I moved in. You remember that Eren?”
His silence makes you madder.
“You remember. right? How I’d desperately try and fix our relationship while you ran around doing whatever? You always looked so fucking indifferent. All we ever did was fight. Nothing I did worked,”
“Y/N—”
“I didn’t know anything other than you. If it was anyone else… But it was you,”
“I’m—”
“You used to tell me when we were kids that if any boy hurt my feelings, you’d kill him. You remember that?”
He closes his eyes.
“Don’t make it sound like I just up and left for nothing. We both know that’s bullshit,” You choke back a sob as you think about it. The gaping hole in your chest that Eren always left splits open again.
“I’ve always loved you. Always. From the minute I could walk and talk. I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you, Eren,” Even now, you don’t want him thinking that “I left because you didn’t love me. I left because I realized that”
The silence that follows your rant exhausts you so much you slump back into the couch. You learned your lessons the hard way. That love was meaningless to safety. That stability was a luxury few can afford. Nothing is guaranteed.
This second time around, you know that love can’t be one-sided. Maybe that’s what all of this has been trying to teach you.
You cry silently, taking in deep breaths. You have no idea what he’ll say, and you don’t know if you care.
“I’m sorry,”
“....What?”
“I’m sorry,” His voice breaks a little this time. You don’t remember the last time you saw him cry “I didn’t mean for things to end like that,”
“Sorry doesn’t fix it,”
You know it’s a mean thing to say. It’s not kind or forgiving. His sincerity doesn’t even feel real to you at the moment he says, but sorry doesn’t make you feel better. Sorry doesn't fix it.
“I know,”
“Then why say it?”
“I still love you,”
Drowning. You’re drowning in murky waters, hardly getting air.
“You don’t love me,”
“Don’t say that,” His voice sounds weak and desperate. You haven’t heard it like that in so long. Vulnerable “Even if you hate my fucking guts. I still love you, always did. Always.”
“Then why did you do that to me?”
“I was terrified,”
It’s been a long time since you’ve seen Eren. Spoken to him, or even called him on the phone. Years. Checking on him through his social media and streams was all you ever got. Sometimes Armin would fill you in, or Mikasa.
But Eren, in your eyes, had remained how you left him. He got arrogant you think. He got his fix and grew up to be tall and handsome. Had aspirations and grew out of his shyness.
And instead of growing together, you grew apart. You started to accept the fact that the Eren you loved was no longer someone you could reach. The young, doe-eyed lovesick boyfriend. Eren was just a college boy now. Not your only exception, not the love of your life.
Accepting that was the hardest thing you’ve had to do in your life.
So why does he sound like someone you used to love? And why now, of all times?
“When you talk like that, it makes me think you’re different.”
“I am,” He stops for a minute, hands folded “I’m trying to be.”
“...Why were you scared?”
“It’s uhm, I don’t know how to say it,”
“Take your time,”
“Doing long distance made me realize how much I needed you,” His voice is hardly over a whisper. “It was ego. But I hated that. I had it in my head that you were off with other guys, and I—I don’t fucking know—I was stupid. I wanted to feel like you still wanted me,”
“So what? You made me chase you?”
“Yeah. Something like that. When you moved in, it just… I don’t know. I saw how everyone looked at you. I didn’t think it would make me so angry to see you like that,”
“Sounds like…”
“Self-sabotage,” Eren interjects “That’s what my therapist said, at least.”
“You’re in therapy?”
“Only a few months, but yeah. It helps.”
“I don’t understand you at all,” You shake your head “ Not at all,”
“You bring out the best and worst in me.” He replies with a humorless laugh on his lips “Still. Around anyone else, it doesn’t matter. What they do or don’t do,”
“And me?”
“You,” He rubs a hand over his face, voice shaking. He tries to be lighthearted but the sentiment is sincere “I make myself sick thinking about you,”
It feels hot under your clothes.
“We shouldn’t be… I shouldn't—”
“I know. You drive me so fucking crazy and I get so angry. I know, but how the fuck could it ever be anyone but you?”
Your breath hitches.
“What’re you saying?”
“That I want you. I want you so fucking bad. I don’t want to ever be away from you ever again. I can’t help but want that,”
You can feel him coming into your space. How he scoots closer to you, just enough that he’s moving across the couch. He’s so much bigger than you remember. Stronger. It's all moving so fast. When he puts his hand on your knee, you tense but don’t move. The dizzying smell of his cologne catches on your tongue and tickles your throat.
His eyes dart down to your lips. His hands running up your outer thighs. You’re defenseless. Weak, you pull back a little. He doesn’t move.
“I can’t just forgive you overnight—”
“I know,” He leans in a little more. Close enough that his breath touches your skin “I’ll keep trying. I want to try again. I’ll earn it this time. I’ll chase you, and you can ignore me all you want,”
He’s being cheeky as much as he’s being serious. Classically Eren. You’re so screwed.
You feel your throat close up as he inches forward.
“You’re so bad for me.” You whisper, the words too heavy.
“Two sides of the same coin,” He says back, then he smiles “We’re made for each other. You think that too. I know you do,”
“I wanted stability,”
“I’ll try to give you it. If that’s what you want.”
“And if you’re just a rebound?”
“As long as I’m yours,”
“You’re such a scumbag.”
“I know,”
Everything falls from under you the minute you kiss him.
A little noise of surprise leaves his lips that instantly morphs into desire. It’s an uncouth display of emotions, so animal that you can hardly call it love. It’s something in between love and hatred, the opposite of indifference. All the intensity of life, of every terrible emotion you’ve ever had. You kiss Eren Yeager first because you miss him, despite yourself. Everything after that is just another blurry detail.
He moans into your mouth. Where your hand has landed on his chest, he grabs your wrist and then drags you into his lap without ever breaking apart. You end up over him, with his lap under yours.
When he has you where he wants you, he hugs you close to his body. You can feel the hardlines of muscle through his shirt, his arms secure around your back. Your tits are pressed against his chest, bra forgotten. The slightest brushes are what make you feel the most.
Eren’s shaky breaths and the overwhelming way his lips move against yours. Indecision in how to treat you. Soft kisses that are followed by rough ones. The intensity of your own desire consumes your ability to act cordial, as you squeeze against Eren tight.
You can feel the rapid beat of Eren’s heart in his chest, grinding your hips into his.
In between kisses, he makes sure to nip at your jaw. You can feel his teeth pierce your pulse point, his tongue lapping over the leftover wound that leaves you shaking.
He litters bites like that on every inch of your skin, your neck left with an ache. There’s something ironic in Eren licking your wounds over, but the words escape you before you can utter them.
Even in just being claimed, the feeling is intense. It makes you visceral. Not to be worked up from touch or words, but something else entirely. Something cosmic in it’s very existence.
Eren finally pulls away from you, just barely to glance at your swollen lips. He meets your eyes as his teeth sink into the lower one to make you whine. He talks to you while your eyes are locked.
“Fuck,” His voice is thick with lust. Heat splits you right in half “Fuck, fuck, baby. Been so long,”
“Y-Your hands,”
“Can’t take em off you,” They’re smooth as they feel you up. Shamelessly squeezing the fat of your hips in between in his fingers, grabbing your ass hard. A guilt creeps up for comparing him to your ex-boyfriend.
But all you can think about is how Eren is the opposite of stability. Images pop up of when you used to have sex, so many years before. He was meeker before, less assured. You thought his confidence would make you sick, but it doesn’t.
Rather, the look on his face while he gropes you makes you wet. Chewing his lower lip, feeling your body like he’s dying to see it under his clothes. Impatiently and unabashedly wanting you in a way that is distinctly Eren.
There’s truth in the sentiment that no one could ever fuck you like Eren could. It’s one you’ve kept to yourself for so long that you almost forgot it. Eren knew your body and shaped it to his hands years ago. You like being touched because of how he touched you, a memory you carried like a torch.
It was Eren who wanted you first, who fucked you first, who made you cum first when you were both so awkward and clumsy.
“Look at you,” He groans. His hands inch under your shirt, skin on skin. Pinching your nipples gently, till they’re hard against your shirt “Look how sexy you are,”
He knows what you like, what you like being told.
“My pretty fucking girl,”
Fuck. Of course, he remembers that.
“Oh, you—”
“So pretty,” He parrots. Even with electricity buzzing in his movements, he’s patient. Undresses you gently. When your skins bare, your shirt tossed to the other side of the room, he kisses the underneath of your tits. Each one, he kneads them. Appreciates them, worships them. All of that undivided attention that he always used to give you when you were dating.
When you were in love.
“You still like when I tease ‘em too,”
His tongue runs over your hardened nipple, sucking it into his mouth, His free hand occupies the other, taking time to give them both equal attention. Your body starts to ignite, little sparks of electricity flitting up your spine.
Letting your fingers card through his hair, you glance down. He looks up at you with his mouth full, eyes lidded. His lashes are long against his olive skin, sun freckles over the bridge of his nose. Your hands reach to touch the moles along his cheeks, all in places you remember.
You don’t resist the urge for intimacy. Not things you did with your ex, but with Eren. You press a kiss to his hairline and his hands get a little tighter. Your want expands, fills like a balloon.
Feeling his cock nudge against your shorts is surprising. A blush crawls over his face, grinding his hips up into you. It’s muscle memory to do it back - rocking yourself until he’s nestled between you. Dry-humping like this makes you feel like a teenager again, doing this in Eren’s dingy basement when you weren’t ready to lose your virginity.
Except Eren knows what he’s doing. He shifts his weight, sitting up enough to push up against your clit. His mouth deatches, a string of saliva in his place. The cool air against the swell of your tits make, adds to the sensation.
He grabs your ass again, this time just to push you up. To set a pace as you grind against each other.
“Wanna know something?”
You choke back a whimper.
“Mm,”
“I used to jack thinking about you,” His voice is slick when he speaks, a low whisper “Remember? You used to be too sensitive so you’d rub against the edge of your bed. Thought about it all the time after you told me,”
Your jaw drops open.
“You—”
“You’re a big girl now, aren’t you? Not too sensitive for this, but—,” He does it with more purpose, a long slow drag so you can feel his shaft against your clothed cunt “you still like it slow,”
“Eren, holy—”
“Everything you like,” He hums, this time matching how he moves you with his own body “Still remember every detail,”
“Y-Yeah?”
“Yeah baby,” He dips his head to kiss against the column of your throat again, this time sucking deep dark hickies. You can feel his lips when you moan “Everything. Kept me company,”
You’re almost too afraid to ask what he means.
“Eren,” You half beg, fingers twitching with want “Don’t tease me,”
“What do you need?”
“Uhm,” Embarrassed. For some reason, Eren asking you is making you embarrassed. You’ve never been before “This is so humiliating,”
“You were always shy about asking for it,”
“So why’re you making me, asshole?”
“I like watching you squirm,”
“Shut up, you’re awful,”
“Put something in my mouth, then?”
Your eyes go wide, and he smiles. His breath brushes against the shell of your ear.
“You wanna sit on my face, right? Shut me up,”
It was a stupid arguement you had. At the latter half of your relationship, sometimes the only way you two resolved things was sex. Eren referencing it makes you mad as much as it makes you wet.
When you were both a little inebriated, he used to beg you for it.The memories of that make you nod. Your voice is coarse with lust.
“Wanna sit on your face,”
“Take your shorts off,”
Taking off your clothes is haphazardly done. You and Eren part ways. He takes off his shirt and hoodie to reveal a body cut from pure marble. He was always athletic, but clearly his gym rat posting on his IG story were genuine and not for show. He sends you a little smirk when he catches you staring, flexing his muscles a little.
“Do I look good?”
You nod, awestruck as you wriggle out of your shorts leaving you in just your socks. Eren does the rest slowly, stood up and taking off his sweatpants His thighs are muscular, strong with a little dark hair. It’s on his stomach too, just barely there.
The fabric of his boxers strain against his cock. It’s big, bulges against the black material that you can see the skin. It’s intimidating to look at.
Your eyes follow him to the couch. You watch him get comfortable, moving pillows around to make sure there’s enough space. He flashes you a smile when he’s laid down, untying his hair as a last touch.
“Come here, angel,” He signals, waving you over “Come sit,”
The air brushes past you as you approach him. He reaches a hand out to lace with your hands.
“Face that way. So you can hold onto my hair, yeah?”
“Yeah,”
It takes you a minute. It’s easier to climb over his chest, inching towards his face. When you’re spread right over his neck, he gives you a cheeky grin. His hands reach over your thigh, pulling you apart. His eyes are zeroed in on your clit, finger brushing back the hair on you. The affectionate way he does both makes you want to hide away.
Eren is holding you in place so you can’t move.
“Look at that,” He whispers, breath fanning your cunt “Look at how wet you got for me,”
Instead of putting his tongue where you need it, he cranes his neck to one side and presses kisses into your inner thigh. Licking at the skin, he holds your eyes.
“Tell me something,”He goes an inch highe and leaves a hickey before repeating it a little bit aove “Did he ever get you this wet? You can be honest,”
Your clit throbs between your legs. Eren grins, as you squirm. You look down at him, shaking your head.
“Not like you. I mean, he wasn’t bad but he wasn’t—”
“But he wasn’t me, was he?” He goes on, his lips pressing right against your achy clit, arousal on his lips that he licks with ease “Could never be me, could he?”
“Eren,” You whine. His smile gets bigger, tongue licking one long stripe against your folds.
“Say it baby. That I’m the best you’ve ever had?”
Your reply is a meek yeah. It’s hard to do anything with confidence or self-assurance when your entire body is begging to be pleasured. Eren gives you a few more kisses on your clit, like he’s making out with it. It’s sweet and lazy, making your hips buck for more.
“I’m the same,” He coos, sticking his tongue out as he forces your weight down so you’re not longer hovering but sitting on his face “There’s nothing like you,”
He doesn’t hesitate to dive in right after that. Burying himself deep, your hands immediately fix at the base of his hair. He’s not shy about it, his tongue laid flat, creating just enough suction around to feel. It’s perfectly pracited, familiar.
Eren eats you out from memory. That much is obvious to you as soon as you feel him, the wet heat of his mouth and his tongue. It’s a measured build of pleasure, soothing a long-time ache that slowly escalates to something more.
A mewl escapes your throat. He moans against your pussy, nose bumping against you. Tugging at the roots of his hair, you wiggle your hips to get him to give you more.
You feel the coil in your tummy when Eren goes a little deeper, sucks a little harder, moves a little faster. Encouraging you to use him to the best of your ability as he pushes your hips, nails dug in the skin to keep you steady Looking down makes you see him completely blissed out, like he’s in a comfortable dream.
You don’t really remember the last time someone went down on you like this without asking. Like he’s enjoying it all on his own, like he wants you. There’s vigor to how he takes you into his mouth, tastes you greedily, with appreciative grunts and groans.
The word perfect falls flat to how Eren licks your pussy. Perfect is too prim, too neat. Whatever Eren makes you feel between your legs, is far from perfect. Eren is something more. More intangible, hard to touch. He eats your pussy perfectly, but messily. Desperately, lovingly. Every inch of you is wanted, tongue nestled against your folds and on your hard clit like he wants to stay. He looks at you intoxicated and it shows in how much joy he takes in tasting you. Hitched to your very existence, like a planet revolving around the sun.
He does it like it’s a privilege, a divine gift. Sucks like it’s sweet, ripe fruit in scorching summers. Water in an oasis, deserving of only the highest praise. Not worth wasting even for pride. Shameless.
You can feel yourself tipping closer and closer to the familiar edge. Each second pushes you to it, closer and closer and closer before you feel the feeling again. Deep in your body, undoing you completely.
“Eren, oh—”
You cum hard. It’s the first one, the most intense. Eren is unyielding as you hit your high and start to fall back down, catching on each layer of the ozone. You moan his name over and over, Eren, Eren, Eren. It’s all you can think to say. The only person you’d trust to catch you from this high, you fall foward. Hand gripping on the couch, you try to wiggle away but he won’t let you until he’s had his fix.
When he pulls away, he takes in a deep breath.
You lean back, catching sight of his face. It’s dripping down his chin. He reaches his hands to wipe it with his fingers, then sticks his hands up to you.
“Open your mouth up,” He says, pushing his fingers against your tongue “Or come down here and clean me up, maybe?”
You widen your eyes. Curiosity getting the better of you, you wiggle down until you’re face level with him. He gives you a glance, encouraging you. Unsure, you push your tongue out against his neck, tracing down to his adams apple. He groans, voice vibrating.
“Fuck yeah,” His hands comes around the back fo your neck “Just like that baby. That’s perfect,”
Your memory reminds you. You repeat your actions, tongue dragging over his nec and chin, presses kisses and bites all along his jaw and neck. Eren moans above you appreciatively. The sound is pleasing. Hearing it over and over eggs you on to “clean” him up well until you reach his lips.
The way he kisses you is sweet and gentle. He kisses your lips before peppering them on your face.
“Fuck, look at what you’re doing to me.”
“Making you sappy?”
“Already was. I’m so hard for you right now, it’s fucking stupid,”
You let out a whine.
“Mm,”
“Condoms upstairs,”
“Don’t need ‘em. ‘s fine. Just give it to me how it is,”
He shivers against your body.
“I wanna cum just thinking about it,”
“Don’t think about it and come fuck me,”
He laughs, handing coming down on your ass.
“Get up,”
You stand up and Eren follows suit. He gives you a quick peck before whispering in your ear.
“Bend over the edge of the couch for me,”
Shivering, you nod your head and walk beind the couch. You shoot Eren a look over your shoulder, seeing him ease his cock out of his boxers to give it a quick stroke. It’s just high enough that you struggle to get over it all the way. His eyes are piercing, watching you as you bend over like he asks. You push your ass towards him.
“Like this?”
“That’s perfect, angel. Stay like that,”
You can hear him coming towards you. The weight of his body, bare chest against your spine is almost startling. He’s not crushing you, but you’re still completely pinned under underneath him. You wriggle your hips back, struggling to move.
His hand creeps lower and lower, finger slipping through your folds. He feels you up like that for a while, whistling.
“You’re so wet,” He coos. His voice is smooth in your ear. You moan. He rests his chin just over your shoulder as you turn your head to kiss him. Slowly, he slips his middle finger inside. You’re surprised how little resistance there is really. The pad of his finger reaches far, rubs against your g-spot without second guessing it.
Your squealing makes him do it again. It’s a careful move. Your body responds to him eagerly as he slips another one, steady. Until he’s knuckle deep, stretching out unhurriedly. When it’s no longer a tight fit, he pulls away from you.
Over you, he repositions. You can hear him spit in his hand behind you, the way his palms move against his cock. It’s all completely quiet besides that, lewd little noises that clue you into what he’s doing. Not seeing him makes the anticipation greater, leaves you vulnerable to whatever he wants to do.
“Missed this pretty pussy so much,” He hisses, the head of his cock pushing past your folds until he’s snug against your hole. The muscle clenches “So fucking warm,”
“Eren,”
He pushes forward, a calculated push of hips. You both moan when he enters you. Just the tip, just the familiar curve of his cock. Your inside ache, deep inside. A place only Eren could reach, you think. He groans nto your ear. Your feet are barely touching the floor in this position, Hardly reaching the ground, toes holding you up. The back of the couch digs into your stomach. It’s puts a pressure on your lower belly, that Eren must feel.
All your muscles are tense. Tight. The tip of his cock rubs against your walls. He’s so hard. Intrusive. You clench around him again. Jaw agape, you moan as he pushes even further.
“See that?” He whispers, against the shell of your ear. His hands grab yours, putting them behind your back till your defenseless “She remember me,”
The moan you let out is entirely involuntary once it hits you he means your pussy. Your walls spasm around him. He chuckles at that.
“That’s right. She loves me even if you don’t, doesn’t she?” Pulling his hips back until your empty, he fills you again. Harder this time. You choke on air “We made love tonight, didn’t we?”
“Eren, shit”
“I like when you say my name baby,” He says, another thrust “Like when your pretty pussy welcomes me home. It’s mine, isn’t it? Always has been. Bet he wasn’t making you feel like this, was he?”
All at once, you feel Eren for what he’s worth. You feel his cock, the curve and the shape the weight as it drags inside of you. You feel the weight of his body, all the stretch in your thighs as he casts over you like a shadow. The gravelly way that he speaks reverberating in your bones. He’s fucking you like he’s all the way in the bottom of your stomach.
Like a puzzle piece, Eren completes you on a level no one else in the world could. The way he talks to you reflects his, confidence not unearned. He’s cocky and awful, but his dick is doing this to you. Making your mouth fall open until your drooling underneath him. He answers every craving you ever had, that bone-deep sense of dissatisfaction that you’ve spent an entire year burying.
Eren fucks you like he’s in love with you, and only you. His cock kisses your cervix, and it feels like the same kind done at weddings. A vow to you, a promise. It feels so fucking good when Eren fucks you. Nothing in the world could ever quite comparing to that satisfaction. Deep in your body, primal and hungry.
“You were made for me,” He pants in your ear “Made just for me. No matter how far you go, I’ll find you. Remind you that. You get it now?”
You whimper out loud. Yes comes out naturally. Eren kisses your shoulder blade before sinking his teeth into it.
“Knew you would,
Eren fucks you the only way he’s ever known to. Deep and paced. You can’t say how he does it with anyone else, but with you it’s always been the same. Like he’s carving you out with his cock, the way you’ve always needed. You know you’re starting to be close again with each thrust. It’s a memory that your body welcomes.
Eren knows what you need to cum, but he waits. Like always, he keeps at it until your walls are tremor. Until you’re just getting there, and you need the extra push to get you to your end. He keeps you at the end as he fucks you, whispers filthy things in your ear until you reach the point of desperation that you’re begging.
“Please, Eren,” At your limit, pleaing “Please make me cum,”
“There’s the magic word,”
He snakes a hand around, reaching your clit and giving it a gentle rub. Everything happens at once. It’s perfect motion. Equilibrium. You can feel your knees start to give in as he gives it to you, the tension gently easing out. A carbonated soda, cracked open slowly to make way for the big finish. The release. Eren speaks to you again.
“Cum for me angel. Give it to me,”
Like a seismic wave, you cum hard on Eren’s cock just like he asked. He’s not far behind you, thrusting through the waves of pleasures. Your brain melts out of your ears completely, babbling to him to give you his cum too.
And he does in record time, shallowly rutting into you until you’re full of him, shooting deep. You feel your insides painted white, content at the feeling.
When he pulls out of you, you feel it drip onto his hardwood floors. You’re unsure of what comes next, but he pulls you right into your arms. Into his chest, even with wobbly legs.
“I’m not gonna let you go again,” He assures, more to himself than to you “You’re mine. Forever and always,”
Against your better judgement, you give in. Just for now. Just for the time being.
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unholy: tokyo revengers
haitani ran
Pairing: Bonten! Haitani Ran x Fem! Reader
Warnings: NSFW, smut, cheating, angst, toxic!Ran
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
You see the wedding ring before you really see him, noticing his Cheshire grin and the dangerously designed lines of his suit next. At first, you write him off, just another sleazebag trying to get some pussy because his wife doesn't satisfy him anymore. But when those lilac eye linger a little too long on your limbs, you know you're a butterfly trapped in a spider's web. You're caught, ensnared in his lap, grinding down on his hard on like your salary depends on it. But this dance is for free, for the next set of lingerie you'll find in your dressing room, for the bouquet of roses on your front step.
You hear who he is through hushed whispers, know who he is by the dark marks staining his throat as he gulps down his expensive liquor. And when it escalates, his ring becomes irrelevant, especially when he's got his face buried between your legs, stroking your furnace into a fire. He’s pure poison, and you swallow him down with willingness, letting him take over you body with every twitch and turn of his wayward hands. All he has to say is “come” and you’re already there, dressed in his latest gift, ready to get railed in the back of his expensive car at the end of the night. You know it isn’t love, but it’s the closest thing he can give you, especially with a pregnant wife waiting for him at home. He’s always so apologetic when he leaves, humming over your spilt tears and wet cheeks. He whispers sweet nothings as he fucks you, giving you empty promises as he coaxes you to climax. You cling on to him, his hair tangled in your sweet hands, his shirt stained by your lipstick. You try to claim him, to leave your mark on him, but his woman, his wife, she never notices. You know her, have watched her. You’ve watched her walk around her neighbourhood, swollen with the child of the man you love, greeting each and every one of her neighbours with a joyful tone. You approached her, once, to try tell her who you are, what you mean to Ran, but you lost courage halfway, only congratulating her and disappearing away. She is sweet, ripe and honey-rich. You are nothing. Nothing but a doll for Ran to play with. A doll to fuck, not love. But you love him. You tell him so. As he spills himself into your throbbing cunt, his head buried in the crook of your neck, his cum trickling down your thighs, you tell him you love him, and he only hums in reply. The next morning you’ll get a new gift, a new toy – normally with a bunch of red roses and a card marked with his name. But you’ll never get a ring, never know his true affections. But you stay, stay at his command, opening your legs for him whenever he seeks you out. Because something is better than nothing, even if you’re being torn apart.
#ran x reader#ran haitani#ran haitani x reader#ran haitani smut#haitani x reader#haitani ran#haitani smut#haitani ran x reader#fem reader cw#cheating cw#toxic cw#killingmoon n/s/f/w#killingmoonmoon tr
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Random late night rambles..
Watched this video on toxic family relationships to put my feelings in perspective.
Never let anyone make you feel like you need to reach a goal to be WORTH something.
Don’t let people exploit you for personal gain or bragging rights, like a stepping stone.
Never let someone make you feel bad for taking time away for your personal mental health.
Be around people that make you happy and lift you up, not those that manipulate and use you.
Don’t let people ignore your healthy boundaries you put in place.
Know your worth.
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a kiss to make the other stop being stubborn
kisses | @cardiomyapathy | accepting
Katie’s mind is made up— Kelly’s pissed her off for the last time, and she’s not going to bend. A hand rests on her hip and the little blonde glares up at her fiancé, dating him to argue. He’s already earned himself a night on the couch… is he trying to make it two?
“I told you, keep ignoring me for your stupid little animal town game and you’re not coming to bed. I mean it, Kelly, I’m not going to be second place to Annabelle or whatever that dumbshit secretary dog’s name is.” Pouting? Oh yes, absolutely she is. Katie’s feelings are hurt— she’d been looking forward to curling up on the couch and watching a movie with him all day while he was at work, but blowing her off for video games (again) seemed to be his MO lately. Frankly, she’s sick of it.
Jaw is set, determined as she stands in the bedroom doorway to block him from entering— he could easily move her, physically, but they both know how that’ll end. If he even attempts it, she’ll phone the authorities, or perhaps his mother, depending just how toxic she’s feeling— so when he tilts her chin up and cups her jaw, she’s surprised, to say the least.
“Kelly, I swear to god, if you—“ his lips are on hers, abruptly ending her threat, and Katie can’t help it— she bends. Finds herself kissing him back hungrily, almost desperately, as he lifts her from her spot in the doorway to carry her across the floor and deposit her on the bed. hmph. Alright, he wins this round.
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aches, thoughts, and needs
miniseries masterlist (complete)
post-outbreak, Joel Miller x innocent reader
SUMMARY: Joel takes you under his wing on the journey to Jackson. You have a lot to learn.
WARNINGS: I8+ big girthy age gap (20s/50s), cock hungry virgin, no experience, only one sleeping bag.
Fires - prequel (written last)
Aches
Thoughts
Needs
pedro characters masterlist
complete but open to asks about these two 🖤
#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#joel miller x female reader#innocent reader#virginity loss#cw age gap#toxicanonymity ☠️#toxic masterlist#aches!joel
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Parents really do traumatize you and then force you to reparent yourself instead of being a capable human being who can contribute to society like a normal person. Sorry I can't get a well paying job right now I'm trying to learn coping mechanisms.
#i will never care if you reblog#vent#tw vent#cw vent#parentification#toxic parents#emotional trauma#trauma#childhood trauma#trauma coping#childhood emotional neglect#eldest daughter syndrome#eldest daughter#parentified child#childhood neglect#thoughts to throw into the void
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yandere!ceo with villainess!reader scenario [part one]
warnings: suicide attempt/implication, implication of obsessive thoughts or love, workplace toxicity.
There might be potential triggers in this piece. If you do not feel comfortable with reading it, please hit the 'back' button on your phone or laptop and find something much more pleasant to read than a potential series of unfortunate events.
You are responsible for your Internet consumption.
Reblog to support content creators! ❤️
Hey guys, and welcome to another original yandere oc x series, featuring the good-looking prick and CEO of his family's conglomerate, Yeo Jung-Hwa. This is a collaboration between me and the incredibly talented @deathmetalunicorn1. Special thanks to @pinkgoldweebgirl and @witch-of-the-writing-desk for their honest feedback on the earlier drafts of this project.
Everyone has heard or watched the famous daily drama, Love and Fortune. Boasting over 124 episodes, it chronicles the romance between a cold-hearted CEO named Yeo Jung-Hwa and a hardworking, kind-hearted employee at his family’s conglomerate named Hyeong Mun-Hee. Of course, no drama is without conflict because that would be a very boring story to broadcast to the world.
Including the male lead’s family opposing the idea that would marry someone beneath his social status, the villainous Park Seo-yun refuses to break off her engagement to him even when her feelings are completely one-sided. In retrospect, Park Seo-yun had been written as a vicious and incredibly stupid antagonist so that Heyong Mun-Hee’s perseverance through such bullying and her devotion towards Yeo Jung-Hwa were highlighted and touched the viewers with her kind heart. At least that is what you believe after being trapped in the world of this drama for…how long has it been? A year? Three years?
It was hard to keep track of time when Being X - that’s the name you gave to whatever is controlling this world like a goddamned puppeteer - would reset everything if you tried to act out of character such as amiably breaking up with male lead so he could be with Hyeong Mun-Hee or trying to overdose on sleeping meds in a desperate attempt to escape. Presently this was your fourth loop, and you were not going to let everything, the hard work you’ve put in, to be all for nothing.
You were going to move forward.
You were going to survive.
You were going to have a peaceful life once this drama is over.
Just say your lines and be ready for the next scene. Right?
According to the drama’s script, the reason that Park Seo-yun worked for the Yeo family’s conglomerate is because everyone thought it would be a brilliant idea for her to see how the business of her future in-laws operated and be prepared to step in if Yeo Jung-Hwa was incapacitated for any reason. In your humble opinion, it is honestly a bad idea for two reasons. One, it isn’t wise to mix business with a marriage, let alone an engagement that is written to be destroyed upon the arrival of the female lead. Two, it just doesn't make sense. Prosperous businesses are supposed to have a qualified Chief Operating Officer, otherwise known as a COO, to implement plans and the direction that the CEO wishes to follow as well as coordinating with other team managers.
But this is common sense from the real world. You are stuck in a drama and currently the team manager of the conglomerate’s financial department. You might have a nice office in the back where you can see everything, but it barely alleviated your annoyance with Hyung Mun-Hee as she hunched over her desk, texting on her personal phone instead of correcting the mistakes she made on the documents you were supposed to hand out to everyone at today’s meeting; budget allocations, projected growths and downturns, including whether Team Leader Dokja Kim will be able to hire a few more employees that he really needs to help with the IT department’s neverending workflow.
You know that this is a pivotal scene in both Heyong Mun-Hee’s character development and the beginning of your downfall. You know that after accusing the female lead of slacking off, forcing her to kneel and apologize for paralyzing your department because everyone worked overtime to cover her unexcused absences, this is when the male lead steps in and protects his darling from being bullied further.
To the writers of Love and Fortune: this example of lazy creativity is why your successful series eventually received backlash and everyone demanded a revamped version. In layman’s terms, fuck you assholes for making your job as the villainess a lot more difficult than it should be.
You already made her kneel and all that jazz in the last two loops and it didn’t do shit. Not this time. You were going to go for a more subtle, professional approach. As long as it seems like you were antagonizing Hyung Mun-Hee because Love and Fortune is written from her point of view, you should be fine. Hopefully. God, you hoped so.
If you actually got through this scene, you were definitely going to reward the team for their hard work with some baked goods for breakfast or a catered lunch. You haven’t used your infamous black credit card since this loop started. Rolling your shoulders back, you inhaled a slow, deep breath before leaning over towards the printer, grabbing the documents that the female lead emailed to you. You pretended to read them over, eyes narrowing and fingers thumbing through all of them until you reached the end. Rising from your seat, you walked out of the office and addressed the staff, calmly.
“Excuse me everyone, but may I have a moment of your time?” Your slightly agitated voice caused all seven team members to stare at you with faces that ranged from confusion, fear, and curiosity. You respectfully incline your head. “Thank you.” You held up your little prop in the air for all to see. “Whoever emailed me the paperwork I am to present at this afternoon’s meeting, please come to my office. I have some questions about the context.”
An uneasy silence fell upon the office, making your heart stink. Shit. You needed to improvise and fast before Being X noticed. You sighed, pressing two fingers to the side of your temple to make it seem like you were starting to feel a headache coming on, which funnily enough you were.
“I’m not going to bite anyone’s head off, I promise. There are just a few things in here that do not make sense and I’d like to understand before I am to present them as the team leader.” Please take the bait, Heyong Mun-Hee. You thought pleadingly with your eyes closed. If you have any self-respect left or at least feel a little sorry for being lazy, stand up and admit your mistake so that your perseverance shines through in this scene. You’ve done it before, you can do it again.
When you opened your eyes, she was still sitting at her desk with wide eyes and a flushed face, clutching her phone as if it were a lifeline. Your eyebrow twitched. You have got to be kidding me. You thought sourly. This isn’t how a female lead is supposed to act, let alone an actual employee of a multi-million won company.
Fine. If she wasn’t going to come to you willingly, then you couldn’t play nice.
You were about to call her out when she suddenly stood up and made a beeline towards your office, passing by you and taking a seat in your office. Huh? Isn’t this a bit rude? Unfortunately your role isn’t to ponder why certain people like common decency. So you turned around, walking back inside your workspace and closing the door behind you. Once you sat down behind the dark mahogany desk that was at least twice the size of a normal cubicle, you booted up your desktop and logged into the company’s bookkeeping program before swiveling the monitor around so that Hyeung Mun-Hee could see where she made her mistakes.
“Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee, I noticed that there were some miscalculations here,” You moved your cursor over one column. “And here.” You moved it to the right. “Here as well.” You moved it back to the left, right in the middle. “The formula you imputed for Columns H to J is incorrect. I want you to refer to your department manual and make the necessary corrections before sending it out to the other departments. I trust you can handle this task?”
She should be able to. After all, the female lead had a buffer for being extremely intelligent and a math whiz in the script. That’s why she was selected to work here instead of Human Resources, where her communication skills were also top notch. Hyeung Mun-Hee quickly nodded, standing up from her seat and almost bolting back to her desk, still holding onto her phone like a security blanket. Which was a little odd. You don’t remember her being so protective of it in the previous loops.
You reclined back against your chair. Oh well, no matter. Time to see this house of cards come crashing down in five minutes. Too bad it can’t be longer. But the show must go on, right? She might be scripted to fail, but you gave her a chance to correct her mistakes. So in the end, it was truly and solely all her fault, not yours.
Sure enough the phones began ringing off of the hook, followed by shouting from a few of the senior employees. You got a frantic phone call from Research/Development manager Choi Iseul, asking why the promised budget had been cut in half. Closing out the screens on your desktop, you reassured the poor girl that you would look into this matter immediately before hanging up. She really didn’t need the stress right now at four months pregnant.
You stepped out of the office, demanding what was going on. All eyes turned to the leading lady herself, her head down and face pinkened in embarrassment. You blinked. “Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee, what happened? You did fix the report as I had asked, right?” You controlled the tone of your voice, careful to not show anger and annoyance, strictly professionalism. You were pretty sure that you didn’t sound like a vindictive bitch either. But somehow she took your question as her cue to shout at you, to stop bullying her before running out towards the elevator. And right into the arms of the male lead.
You exhaled a deep breath, running a hand through [Hair Color] tresses before you turned your attention back towards the team. “I need to fix this report and send it off to the other departments or else things will get ugly. I know I’m asking a lot right now, but could you screen the incoming calls? If any of them asks, please let them know I am making the necessary corrections and will email it to them promptly. Disregard the one that they’ve received from Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee.”
Everyone clamored in agreement before diving back into their work, some already answering the phones and reciting exactly what you asked them to say as you bolted towards your office, slamming the door behind you. Considering that this isn’t your first loop, you had already taken the liberty of creating the correct report this morning before clocking in at the office. The issues were the same, so it took you all but twenty minutes to adjust and send it out to the managers.
The calamity that struck evaporated in an instant, and the phones had stopped ringing. To you, it only heralded the opening sequence of the next scenario. Looking up from your phone, you saw two people walk out of the elevator. The female lead was dabbing her puffy face with a checkered handkerchief, standing by Yeo Jung Hwa himself as he got off his own personal device, no doubt finishing his talk with the CFO about his darling’s little fuck up.
Placing your phone face down on the desk, you watched them glide across the room before the CEO reached your office, opening the door with a frown stretched across his face.
Yeo Jung Hwa. The male lead of Love and Fortune, blessed with good looks, riches, and has been in charge of the conglomerate since he was twenty years old. A classic tyrannical CEO that almost everyone loved to read or watch because they’d see how soft he was around his lover and wanted that same kind of treatment for themselves.
You saw him as little more than a cunning snake who knew what he wanted and would use any means necessary to get it. But whatever. Time to get into character. You thought as you stood up, eyeing the male lead apathetically. “Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?”
“Explain what happened.” He said, amethyst eyes narrowing at you. Yes, he has fucking purple eyes thank you goddamned screenwriters.
You raised an eyebrow. “Explain what, sir?” You asked. “The incident that has everyone in a panic?” Receiving nothing but silence from him, you continued. “It’s been resolved. I’ve already emailed all of the department heads the correct report to refer to at today’s meeting. I did tell Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee to fix the mistakes I’ve shown her,” You glanced at your employee before averting your attention back to the prick. “But when I looked at what was sent out, she did make a few adjustments…just that it only made matters worse and could have cost the company a lot of money.” You crossed your arms, leaning back against your desk. “Her performance was unacceptable, and she is my responsibility as her team leader. Which is why I would like to have Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee participate in this month’s upcoming financial seminars. A little refresher for two weeks, using her vacation days, and pass the tests so that there will not be a repeat of this incident again and jeopardize the conglomerate. Or would you see this as unfair treatment of an employee, CEO Yeo Jung-Hwa?”
You watched as the male lead looked over his shoulder, glaring balefully at his lover before he turned back to face you. “So be it. I want to see the results of her tests once they are completed and the lecturers aren’t under your payroll, Team Leader Park Seo-yun.”
“With all due respect, they are under your payroll, not mine.” You said drolly. “I don’t care how long it will take for her to complete the classes or to do the coursework. I want results, same as you. I do want to keep the completion certificates. If she doesn’t do it or chooses not to for whatever reason beyond a medical emergency, suspension with pay. No ifs, ands, or buts. Are these acceptable terms, sir?”
He didn’t like it, you could tell. Any event that separated from Hyeung Mun-Hee would put him in a sour mood and become more of a grouch. Kind of like a child having his favorite toy being taken away because he did something bad. But in this situation he couldn’t afford to have a temper tantrum for obvious reason:
1) Displaying an immature attitude in a professional environment will make him less appealing to the viewers.
2) As previously stated, it was the female lead’s fault that this whole mess happened. He saw the evidence of her major fuck up, the CFO saw it, everyone did. Trying to sweep it under the rug would only incite more rumors of nepotism. He has a reputation to maintain.
“...Fine.” He spat out. You nodded, seeing him turn on the ball of his foot and stomp out of the room. Nope, he is not happy about this. Neither is the trembling female lead standing in front of you. She really was a pretty woman, with reddish-brown hair falling past her shoulders and hazel eyes glistening with tears.
“You’re dismissed. I’ll let you know the seminar schedule once I hear back from HR. Please return to work, you still have two hours left on your shift.” You said, expecting her to go running to the restroom and cry, have a mental dialogue about how things were unfair right now but she will come out on top and preserve as it was written in the script. Except…she didn’t leave right away. She was glaring at you as if you were the most despicable person in the entire world, which you guess holds some truth.
“You said this is all my fault, but it isn’t because I wasn’t trained properly! Where do you get off, saying such horrible things like this?! Just because you are rich doesn’t mean you have a great personality!”
Your eyes widened in shock. Okay, this scene was definitely not part of the drama in the last three loops. And she’s smart enough to know to not say this, even if the door is closed!
Let’s be serious. No one should ever talk to a supervisor like this, even if they are an absolute scumbag and you hate their guts.
“Assistant Manager Hyeung Mun-Hee, you were trained to learn and carry out these tasks during the ninety day trial period after being hired by the conglomerate,” You said as you tried to calm your racing heart. “I showed you the mistakes you made, and it’s clear that you made almost no effort to fix them. If you had, then this incident would not have happened. That is why you are going to sit through those seminars and take notes, or you will be suspended without pay. This is not up for debate. And just because I am rich doesn’t mean you can talk down to people as if you are better than them, myself included. Now leave. And don’t let me hear such vulgar words in here again or I will punish you. Are we clear?”
“You-“
“Are you going to make me pull up your file and show everyone your certificates of completion from those training programs, the proof that you were trained to do your job and you’ve chosen to let others do your work for you?” You asked. “It’s fine to ask for help from others when needed, but you have to take responsibility for your actions or else you’ll never be able to surpass me.”
You watched Hyeung Mun-Hee’s face turn a darker shade of magenta and the tremors in her petite frame increase greatly before she excused herself. You could see the steam coming out of her ears; whether it was from embarrassment or anger, you weren’t certain. So long as she got your message and you acted your part as the villainess, then that should have met almost all of the requirements needed to move onto the next episode. The remaining factors were the viewership score and Being X’s approval.
The viewership score is a daily simple rating system numbered from 1 to 5 golden stars. If the episode reaches 3 and above, you’re clear. If the score is a 2, and Being X did not like your acting or even how everything played out, the loop would start all over again from the first scene. Perhaps instead of puppeteer, it’s more like a perfectionist director whose opinion can also be swayed by the viewership score. If the audience watching this fucked up universe enjoyed what they were watching, they’ll make it known.
After all, more ratings means more money, even if you’re not getting paid for this.
The last two loops where this episode happened, you followed the script to the letter without making any improvs. It didn't work out in the end, as you recalled with a frown at the memory. After being forced to kneel on the floor as you had done to her, you watched the lovebirds embrace. Well, at least the male lead was trying to comfort his ‘pure-hearted’ lover when that bitch smiled down at you from over his shoulder. As if she had won the game and you were the loser. Being X didn’t like the viewership scores back then. Now? Well, that’ll depend on whether or not you’ll wake up to the setting of episode 25 tomorrow morning. It’s either that…or finding yourself in the interview room again with Hyeung Mun-Hee during the pilot episode, her job application in your hand.
Fuck my life. You thought glumly.
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Congratulations, Congratulations, Congratulations!
Important things must be said three times.
The viewership score on Episode 24 has arrived!
Taglist: @nunezs-stuff @imperfectbloodmoon @yandere-dark-cupid @justcressida @cassanderasblog @faesdreaming @faux-ecrivain @abelheilonwife @tired-of-life-86 @tonightwrites @ixchelhernandez4 @aiimee9 @swallowtail-lotus @diannaflight @sweetbatherodonkey @strangepoppy @mochinon-yah @classicdummy @lanxianschoenheit @aman3kkun @beardedblizzardexpert @reiivven @majestichugs
#forbidden-sunlight#yandere x reader#yandere male#yandere#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader#yandere!ceo#fem!reader#villainess!reader#ns.fw#yandere manhwa x reader#x reader#tw sui attempt#tw sui implied#tw work toxicity#cw sui attempt#cw work toxicity
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I need more toxic eren in my life you haven’t posted that in a while my love 😭🤌it’s about eren’s obsession with us you know?
cw ;; toxicity, obsession, lovesick!eren, drunkness, a little dubcon, hate sex kinda sorta, fingering / afab!reader, 18+ |
"Baby," ― The voice from the other side of your door is smooth, deep, and terribly drunk. You sigh deeply as you tap your foot on the other side ― "Please baby, open the door for me. I miss you so much,"
Eren Yeager has never done well in leaving you alone. You've known him for a bigger part of your life and it's never mattered to him what you wanted. He doesn't know the first thing about boundaries, or about following rules. He's never had to learn.
With a face and body like his, you find it hard to believe he's had to work for anything in his life. And as much as everyone seems to love and adore him - you fall into the minority that doesn't.
You don't hate Eren by any means. You just try not to pay him mind. You don't even remember when the chasing started, but if you had to guess - when in highschool you were rejected after a confession.
Shy, little highschool you rejected by a guy you thought was your best friend. It was a hard lesson to learn, but you worked through. Your slow distance from Eren let you focus on school, so you worked hard and got into the college of your choice with plans to never look back for Eren. Not after everything.
Along the way, you found yourself in his line of sight. He followed you to college, and all the way into your senior year. You are, decidely, over Eren Yeager.
But for what feels like forever now, Eren has chased you endlesly. Chased away all your potential love interest and damn near every male friend you've ever had. He's exhausting, and most days you want to knock his teeth out.
But when he gets drunk and gets all soft around the edges, he always ends up at your door. He won't leave no matter what. He's fallen asleep on your doorstep more than once and caught a fever before too.
"Eren, go home. Your roomates are probably waiting,"
"I miss you so much," ― He hiccups slightly, fist hitting the door ― "You make me so fucking crazy. Open the door, baby - lemme in,"
"I'm not your fucking baby, Eren," Your exasperation rises like bile in the back of your throat, gritting your teeth "You get it? There's nothing here. You broke up with me the way you did. Do you get it?"
"We're gonna be together whether you like me or not" He replies easily. You huff.
"I am not doing shit with you. I don't fucking like you."
This makes him laugh. Of course it does.
"Liar. You always lets me in," ― He says thoughtfully, soft and desperate ― "Even if it's just to get your pretty pussy wet. You always do,"
You feel your body go flush, groaning.
"That-! What we've done has nothing to do with -"
"I like when you're mad at me like this. You might not like me, but you love me, right?" ― He says with confidence that staggers you. So much you go quiet ― "You've always loved me. You always will, right?"
"Eren,"
"Tell me you'll always love me baby," He says more seriously, before knocking on the door a little more "Tell me you'll be with me forever. And open the door up or I'll start waking up your neighbors,"
Your hands tremble as you twist the door knob. You don't want to but knowing him, he really will do something you hate. Swinging it open, you stare at him. His tan skin flush with pink, and piercing green eyes.
The first thing he does is let himself in and close the door neatly behind him. When he does, he's quick to force your back to the wall. His hands are shameless, dipping into your waist band. His teeth nip at your neck and your knees suddenly feel weak. Miserably weak against him, your mouth opens up to moan.
"Eren, fuck - you're drunk,"
"I'm sober enough to touch you," ― He says, fingers against your slit, over your achy clit with a soft huff ― "You love me,"
"I don't l-like you, Eren,"
"But you love me. Me and no one else. Always me," His teeth nip at your throat as you let out another soft wet. Growing wet between your legs and exhaustion settling in your heart "You can use me, or hit me, or cry. Just can't love anyone else,"
You hiccup, holding his arms as you feel thick fingers stretch you out with a gasp. The world is spinning at your feet.
"You're crazy," You say seriously. He doesn't disagree.
"I won't ever let you be with someone other than me,"
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f/o that blows up at you for things that aren't your fault <333
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MINORS DNI 18+
MODERN!ANAKIN SKYWALKER who's got a bit of a situationship with you. It's not like him, he's very new to it all and its rules, which means some key details get lost in translation with him. For most, the "talking" stage consists of the ability to still see other people during, keeping your options open so to speak. For Anakin, he expects a sort of unspoken faithfulness he had no reason to define until now.
Now, as he stares at two words. "she's busy." A text he's been deliberating over for an inappropriate amount of time. What could possess another person to answer your texts for you? A glance to your contact name confirms it, just in case he was losing his mind. He kinda wishes he was. He taps your name, and calls you. Three rings. An answer on the other line, that is most certainly not you, invades his ears.
"Yo," the deep voice says and Anakin doesn't say a word as he hangs up. Without a second thought, he pulls up your Snap Map which you've stupidly left on. You do that a lot. Sometimes he checks on you only to see what you're up to. Some days he watches your little Bitmoji happy on it's map at that little cafe you like, and he calls you to see if you'll tell him the truth of where you are.
He gets in his car, and tracks you down.
His fingers drum against the steering wheel, just like his fist drums against the front door when he gets there. It shakes the whole fucking house. He takes a step back, resting his hands on his hips, and his tongue forms over his upper lip.
The door opens, and he comes face to face with the guy he presumes texted him, and answered the phone. This is his place. "Can I help you?" he questions with an attitude Anakin doesn't fucking care for at all.
"I don't wanna talk to you, I wanna talk to her." Blunt as ever, Anakin comes off as unstable to your companion, who obviously bucks up in your defense.
"The fuck? No. What do you think this is?" he responds, and the escalation of raising voices causes you to recognize who your friend is talking to. So you come downstairs, and see that familiar head of golden curly hair.
"Anakin?" you question in disbelief, slowing your descent down the stairs. At your arrival, Anakin's attention completely shifts onto you.
"Hey." He nods up. "We need to talk." His finger points to the space in front of him, as if calling you over like a dog. Oddly and subconsciously compelled, you make your way closer to him. Your friend's arm rests on the door frame, cutting in between you two. Apparently he didn’t want Anakin slipping inside. You only notice how much taller he is compared to your friend. If he wanted to, he’d put him on his ass with a well-placed one-handed push. You try not to think about that now as you approach, standing directly behind your friend’s elbow.
“What the hell are you doing here?” At the end of your sentence, Anakin’s massive hand snatches your upper arm, and your friend goes to separate the two of you with a commotion of “woah, woah!” You appease him, tell him it’s alright, that you’ve gotta take care of this, and allow yourself to be drawn away from the door step and closer to the street.
Once he has you where he wants you, he releases you, and you jostle from the loss of support. That hand wipes down his face, the most irritable you’ve ever seen him, and he gestures to you as he steps closer, “If you’re pulling this shit, let’s just call it.” he tells you, dismissing entirely the existence of the man who owns this house.
The crease in your brows deepen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about—“
“You do, and if I’m competing with other guys I don’t want any fucking part in it.” The towering figure before you stoops to get eye level with you, “Either get smart or fuck off, alright?” You hate to say that his low voice sends shivers down your spine.
His direct ultimatum makes you indignantly blink at him, taken aback at his sheer tenacity as you weigh out the options. He doesn’t give you enough time, scoffing at you, and turning his back on you. As if he could be so bold as to expect to be the only one you’re talking to, expect to treat you this way.
And yet, somehow, you end up back at his place. Impossibly fat cock driving into your insides as he picks you up by your hips into his thrusts. Knelt onto the bed, he rocks forward, while your cervix is getting bruised into submission. You squirm, arching your back off the bed with your pretty legs stuck straight into the air. “Who’s fucking pussy is this, huh? Who’s fucking pussy is this?” Skin smacks skin, harder than before. His tongue forms over his upper lip, brows pinched in focus as he fucks you like he means to beat you into the shape of his dick.
You don’t even hesitate. “Yours!” You whimper. “Yours, Ani, all yours.” You’re lifted almost entirely off the mattress, he straps his hands over your thighs to keep your ass pinned to his abs that sheen with sweat. Cunt stuffed to the brim as he relentlessly bullies it, creating an empty fucking vacuum that screams at you every time he pulls out. You really are fucking obsessed with this entitled behemoth of a man and what he can do to your body in a few strokes.
“That’s fucking right, baby, and don’t you forget it.”
#cw toxic relationship#indy: drabbles#ch: modern!anakin#anakin skywalker drabble#anakin drabble#anakin smut#anakin skywalker smut#anakin x reader#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin x reader smut#anakin skywalker x reader smut#anakin x fem reader#anakin skywalker x female reader#anakin x you#anakin skywalker x you#anakin x y/n#anakin skywalker x y/n#anakin fic#anakin fanfiction#anakin skywalker fic#anakin skywalker fanfiction#anakin imagine#reader insert
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Calling Eddie on the phone that first time, when he’d panicked about Tarja’s cold, was like opening a dam. They start talking on the phone all the time. At first, it’s always about Tarja, photos of her drawings, a story about school, questions of whether she forgot her plushie in Steve’s car again or not.
But then it’s just them chatting, asking about their day, showing each other what they are working on, or sharing a meme. Soon, they start wishing each other goodnight and Steve knows he’s stepping into deep water with both feet at the same time but he can’t stop.
He likes Eddie, a lot. He’s in too deep already. He was already halfway in love with him when he realized he liked him as much more than a friend… That he liked him much more than he liked his own boyfriend. That he doesn't even like his boyfriend…
But if Steve was dreading breaking up with Tommy not to lose Tarja… now that he has double the people to lose… There’s no way. Thinking about not seeing them again makes him feel like he’ll never be able to take a full breath of fresh air again.
They are hanging out at the park the day Steve completely loses control of the situation. He’d promised Tarja he’d take her there last week and Tarja had begged Eddie to join them so now, they are sitting side by side on a bench watching Tarja build sand castles with another kid in the playground.
The comfortable silence gets interrupted by Steve’s phone going off and, checking his messages, he sighs, already bothered by seeing it’s from Tommy.
‘get your big pretty ass home soon. i have guests tonight’
‘Big? Shit. Is my ass too big?’ He thinks as he frowns at his phone.
“Everything ok?” Eddie asks, looking at him curious.
“We need to get back, it’s Tommy” is all Steve says, shaking his phone in explanation. He can’t help but pull a face of exasperation trying to make light of the situation but Eddie frowns.
“Steve, about Tommy… If he’s not good to yo-”
“You sound like Robin” Steve interrupts, he’s talked to Eddie about his best friend before, but he never mentioned Robin is always telling him to break up with Tommy.
“Well, then I’m not that far off am I?” Eddie presses kindly, ducking his head to try and catch Steve’s eyes.
But Steve keeps them fixed on his shoes. There’s a stain on the tip of his left one.
Eddie takes his silence as agreement and keeps going, “Why haven’t you broken up with him, then?”
Why does Eddie want him to break up with Tommy? Is he trying to get rid of him? Does he not like him around? No, it’s not that. Eddie is his friend, he’s kind and lovely and has never once been mean or rude to him and Steve needs to stop projecting.
But, he can’t answer that or tell Eddie the truth, he thinks. And then, his eyes betray him, drifting from the floor to Tarja, who is now…being buried in the sand with the help of the other kid. Her little feet kick up as she giggles delighted. He smiles to himself a little. That kid, she’s a menace.
Eddie gasps and Steve realizes his mistake. He looks at him and Eddie is looking back, eyes huge,
“Steve… don’t tell me, it’s-”
Steve shakes his head no frantically, “No, it's not- there’s a lot of reasons! It’s not- Ugh fine, it’s not only because of her but, she’s one of the reasons…” he struggles to say.
And then he shrugs, like ‘What can you do? Hehe’ Because he’s an idiot.
Eddie stares at him for a long time, unblinking and with his mouth half open, “You’d do that for her?” he whispers and it sounds so… raw.
Steve just looks at him, not knowing what to say and trying really hard not to get distracted by Eddie’s beautiful lips.
He suddenly turns to face him properly and takes Steve’s hand with both of his, “Fuck, Steve…” he says and then closes his mouth shut and opens it again. Steve leans a little closer eager to hear whatever Eddie wants to say but then his phone rings and he jumps off his seat, startled.
Looking at the caller ID, he curses, “It’s Tommy”
He picks up the call and starts walking in a big circle, he can never sit still while on the phone,
“Hey,”
“Hey dummy, you didn’t answer. Is everything ok?” Tommy asks like he’s actually worried and not just impatient.
‘Dummy’... it’s supposed to be affectionate but every time Tommy calls him that it feels like he’s sticking a needle in his heart.
“Yeah, we are at the park, we’ll be right there. I’m-” But Tommy hangs up before he can finish the sentence.
“Asshole,” Steve murmurs to himself and looks back to see Eddie has already collected Tarja and is waiting for him.
Seeing both of them holding hands and smiling up at him makes Steve want to cry and scream at how much he needs them. He’s so fucked.
🧸
A week later, he’s at a dinner with Tommy and Tommy’s coworkers.
Because Tommy doesn’t have friends, he has coworkers. Because friends are for children.
Or so Tommy says… Fuck Tommy.
He’s bored out of his mind and pushing his food around on his plate. Lost his appetite after Tommy looked at him funny for ordering fries instead of a salad.
He can’t stop thinking about Eddie, about him asking why he hadn’t broken up with Tommy yet, and about whatever it was that Eddie didn’t say that day.
And then, as if it were fate or something, he gets a message from Eddie, he looks at it under the table when he sees it’s a photo. Not that Eddie would send him a nude or something he just doesn’t want anyone else to see.
However, he might’ve been wrong about the nude because Eddie is shirtless in the photo he sent, Steve notices with burning cheeks.
But the photo is not sensual at all. Instead, it’s the cutest, loveliest thing he’s ever seen in his life. It’s Eddie and Tarja standing in front of the big mirror in Eddie’s hallway with big smiles, identical dimples on their right cheeks. Both their curly hairs are bundled up on top of their heads and they are covered in paint.
All of Eddie’s tattoos are colored in bright colors, his demon skull, the sword, the dragon, the goat, the vines that adorn his top scars, everything. The colors don’t respect the lines and the paint is dripping a little, clearly Tarja’s work. Meanwhile, she has cute skulls, bats, and roses drawn on her arms, and her freckles are now every color of the rainbow. They are fucking beautiful.
The text below says ‘she forgot toothless at tommy’s. im trying to distract her’
Steve bites his lip to hide a big smile and sends at least a hundred heart eyes emojis and then answers he’ll bring it back later.
“Are we boring you, Steve?” One of Tommy’s coworkers asks. He can hear the venom in her voice.
‘Yes’
“No, not at all. Just answering a text,” he says with a closed-lip smile.
“Oh! Let me guess, from your ‘job’” she laughs, doing air quotes with her claws, and then whines, putting on a voice, “Help me, Steve! I can’t decide what to wear to a party”
They all laugh, Tommy included and Steve just glares at her unsure if he should rise to the bait or not.
“Aww, don’t be mad Stevie,” she coos at him, “I’m just messing with ya!” she smirks and then looks at her nails as if she were a disney villain or something, “I wished I’d gone to college for something as simple as fashion. You are very lucky to be so successful,” And they laugh again. Only one of them has the decency of looking uncertain about it and Steve is seething.
Lucky?! He’s worked his ass off to get to- whatever- he takes a deep breath and smiles at her.
God, fuck his people. They are so… miserable.
Making other people feel bad about themselves just because there’s no joy in their own lives. He feels sorry for them.
But Tommy laughing alongside them makes him feel sick to his stomach.
After, when they are going back to his place, Tommy takes one hand off the wheel and puts it on Steve’s thigh slowly going up. Steve briefly considers opening the door and jumping out of the car in motion but ends up just slapping Tommy’s hand off of him aggressively.
Tommy scoffs but he doesn’t say anything and keeps his hands to himself the rest of the way. And when they get home, he confronts Steve, “What’s got your panties in a bunch now, uh? Steve, we haven’t fucked in weeks!”
Steve swirls around and laughs, “Are you shitting me right now?! You want me to let you touch me!? After how you just laughed at the way Carol talked to me?” he says.
“Uhg, not this again! Did you get your feelings hurt again, princess?” Tommy mocks him and Steve rolls his eyes so hard he wishes he could do a backflip to accompany them. Hell, he probably could.
He doesn’t even bother answering Tommy, too sick of his shit, and just walks past him on his way to the door.
“Oh c’mon, Stevie! We were just kidding!” Tommy says, changing his tune completely and trying to sound nice. Then doing another 180 when Steve just keeps getting ready to leave, “Why are you so fucking sensitive. Are you seriously leaving right now?!”
Steve doesn't stop, doesn’t even look at him and Tommy follows him to the door, “Good! Fine! Leave! Run back to your Robin. You’ll be back!” he tells him, and Steve hates that he’s said it before and had been right. But when he’s closing the door as Steve is walking towards his car Tommy yells one more thing that completely breaks him, “You are too much work, Steve! You are not worth this much trouble!”
Steve slams the door of his car and drives away but ends up pulling over a few blocks later because he can’t see through the tears.
He whales and heaves, shaking while he rubs his eyes over and over again. All he can hear in his head is ‘you are not worth it. you are not worth it. you are not worth it. you are not worth it.’
Fuck Tommy.
He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself and rests his head against the headrest, rolling it from right to left and massaging his scalp but when he looks to the left, something in his passenger seat makes him gasp. As if it were fate or something… Toothless, Tarja’s plushie is sitting right beside him.
☝️first part
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☕🥐💕?
#stranger things#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#trans eddie munson#kid fic#cw: toxic relationship#one more part to go babes!#i wrote something
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She just had to make sure.
#tadc#tadc ragatha#tadc fanart#the amazing digital circus#my art#tadc pomni#buttonblossom#pomni x ragatha#ragapom#jesterdoll#cw: gore#toxic yuri#toxic ragapom#tw gore
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lose something, babe | rin can't leave you if you do it first.
cw: toxic relationship, avoidant gn!reader, angst w comfort, ambiguous ending, unhealthy portrayals of love, read with caution.
The rain hits your windshield like bullets.
Even with your wipers cranked up to the most powerful option, you still can’t see too clearly admist the chaos, streetlights and passing cars becoming nothing but droplets of light in the dark. It’s exceptionally lonely in your car, and cold, too.
Bringing your sweater-covered hands to your mouth, you breathe warmth into them, reaching for your phone.
No messages from Rin, or any notifications, for that matter. You don’t know whether to be relieved or saddened that he didn’t care to reach out in this weather, not that it surprised you. The only thing Rin will have with him when he crawls over mountains and swims across seas is his pride, and it’s the one thing he vehemently defends, even if it’s against you.
He makes you feel so small in comparison to him, and in a way, you are. Your name isn’t on billboards, you don’t have millions of followers on social media, and you don’t have the ego of a thousand suns behind you. At any moment, he could leave, and you know that, so you'll do it first.
Even if it means getting trapped in a thunderstorm; your least favourite weather to be stuck outside in.
Your phone rings with the sounds of a call, phone speaker turned up to max volume to break through the thunderous storm.
“Isagi?” You greet.
“Yeah? What’s up?” He answers from the other end.
“Am I interrupting anything?”
“No, you can talk.”
“Can I crash at yours for a little? I’m… a bit far from home and you’re closer to my location.”
“You’re outside? In this weather? Does Rin know?”
“Don’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
You’re silent, pondering whether to lie or not. However, your lack of an answer gave Isagi one regardless.
“It’s none of my business, I shouldn’t have pried. Come over, you shouldn’t be alone in a storm like this.”
“Thank you, it means a lot.”
“No problem. Drive safe.”
“I will.”
It feels a little warmer when Isagi hangs up, his friendliness contrasting the ice that Rin likes to weaponise and throw against you.
The drive to his takes no longer than five minutes, and when you arrive, Isagi is already waiting for you, bundled in a warm hoodie and track pants.
Comfort is standing under the light and warmth of his front entrance, gratitude is being thankful to have a roof over your head.
“Come in,” the athlete ushers you inside.
“I’m sorry to barge in like this,” you murmur guiltily, quietly removing your shoes because to make sound was to exist, and you don’t want your presence to be a burden to him. You know that you're out of place here, and that his hospitality was one you don't deserve.
“No, please don’t apologise. It’s what friends do for each other.”
It’s peaceful at his place. There’s a 90s romance playing on his widescreen TV, an opened bag of chips on his coffee table paired with a no sugar fizzy drink. He ushers around the attached kitchen to pour you a cup of water.
You don’t recognise the show, and you won’t pretend like you do. To make conversation, you ask him what he’s watching, and whether or not it’s good since you’re on the lookout for good shows to watch. It’s only when Isagi’s done with his explanation that your phone buzzes with a message, the notification even reaching his ears.
“Is that Rin?” The dark-haired questions.
“Yeah.”
rin:
The storm just reached here, are you safe?
y/n:
yeah
Three bubbles appear, and then disappear, and then reappear. “Did something happen between you two?” Isagi asks, sincere and careful with his words.
“A small argument.”
“Are you sure? I don't know if it was... small.”
The evidence is plastered all over your face. Puffy eyes, dry tear marks, a red nose- all traces of the breakdown you had in the car that you tried to wipe away, but the most observant of people in the world see what others don’t want you to. Isagi’s good at that exactly.
"Small arguments don't cause people to drive so far from home."
You might cry again if he keeps looking at you so pitifully. You’re not miserable, you want to tell him, that you’re happy in your relationship with Rin even though sometimes his thorns pierce your most guarded of layers. There are more ups than downs with Rin, and you work through them together, you just need some time to breathe without him first because it’s easier to do so without him, that’s just how love and relationships should work, and when will this nightmare end?
“It was a small argument,” you pinch your nose bridge, eyes stinging with tears that threaten to fall.
Isagi hums in sympathy, not believing your words. That’s when your phone buzzes with another message.
rin:
Where are you?
you:
safe
im turning notifications off
Isagi invites you to talk, that if you need the space, he’s offering it to you. What starts off as a small rant blows up into something you can’t control, only spaced out by sighs and noises of exasperation as you go over the fucked up things you both said to each other tonight.
By the time you’re done, there’s a series of loud bashes on Isagi’s door. Rin’s voice comes from the other side, fighting the downpour outside that still drums down, neither of them relenting.
“Don’t open it,” Isagi tells you, and you remain frozen in your spot. It’s hard to get up, hard to breathe, hard to think as he easily gets up and walks over to the entrance.
Is Rin angry at you for coming here? Has he come to drag you back home? To continue the argument from before you stormed out?
An infinity stretches between now and Isagi opening the door, but time comes crashing down when you hear the abrasiveness of Rin’s voice. He’s demanding for you, asking if Isagi did anything to harm you as if he isn’t the sole reason for your tears and sorrow tonight. As if he isn’t the one who hurt you the most, and here he is, making a ruckus in the home of a man who let you under his roof when you couldn’t go home.
“Rin, leave Isagi alone,” you call out, finally finding the courage to stand.
It’s silent, but the footsteps come barrelling towards you and Rin turns the corner with a frantic look in his eyes.
“Fuck, baby, are you okay?”
You were until he showed up. “I’m fine. How did you know I was here?”
“Your location, you’re always sharing it with me.”
“I- then what gave you the right to show up?” You almost choke on your anger, “I don’t want to see you, Rin.”
His grip on the wall tightens, as if the floor beneath him would give out from any second and he’d be sent tumbling into the abyss of emotions he can’t recognise and refuses to recognise. Despite it all, he can’t stop looking at you, as if tearing his eyes away would cause you to vanish, and he’d be tripping after traces.
“I needed to know if you were safe,” your boyfriend breathes shakily, pushing himself off the wall and towards you. You back away and only stop when your feet hit the couch, and Rin cages you in easily, large hands wrapping around your wrists like chains. “Come home, babe.”
“I want space, Rin.”
“I’ll give you space, I’ll give you everything you need, just- come home,” he begs, leaning in to rest his foreheads against yours with closed eyes.
It’s airy and desperate, the way he speaks. It is a siren’s song, and you shouldn’t listen, but oh, he is speaking so softly and kindly that it lures you in to a false sense of security. You almost close your eyes- almost, but in the moment it matters most, you push him away, allowing him to see your sorrowful state for the first time since he caused it.
Is love supposed to be as cruel as Itoshi Rin? Is it supposed to make you cry, fight, and thrash?
“Let go,” you try to tear your hands out of his, but he only retaliates by kissing your complaints away, swallowing them with his mouth so that your venom will settle in his stomach instead of his heart.
He’s insistent and everywhere. One of his legs are slotted between yours, his hands are warm on your cheeks, and the clash of his nose and teeth against yours feel so raw and human that it drains all of your fight out of you. How do you run away from this?
Persistently and blindly, he places kisses along your face, never straying too far from your lips.
No matter how much you want to pull away, you fight for what you love, not against it, so you sink into him instead and let Rin run his course, helpless to his onslaught of affection.
You try not to cower away too much.
“I’m sorry,” Rin whispers. “Don’t be mad anymore, I’m sorry for being a dick, come home, I'll leave, I just need to know that you're safe.”
He coaxes you into coming home with him, that you can come pick up your car tomorrow because he knows you hate driving in heavy rain. That he’ll pay for whatever parking fees you have accumulated. That you can talk- really talk it out, together at home.
The look Rin gives Isagi is less than friendly when you bid your farewells. You deem it compulsory to go out tomorrow to buy a gift for the poor soccer player, who has been an involuntary witness to the mess that is tonight.
There is concern in Isagi’s eyes when you turn around to wave goodbye.
#itoshi rin x reader#rin x reader#rin itoshi x reader#blue lock x reader#cw toxic relationship#todoriin
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BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!!
memes | @cardiomyapathy | accepting
❝ Yeah, well, you've got a stupid bullshit way of showing it, don't you?! ❞ This isn't uncommon for them-- the fighting, the yelling at each other until he's hoarse and she's crying and snotty, and Katie's certain their neighbors are tired of their bullshit. How the pugs manage to sleep through it, she'll never know. She's not even sure how the fight had started this time, he probably said something that hurt her stupid feelings just like he always does, and now he thinks he can get out of it by claiming love. As if. ❝ You're so full of shit, Kelly... you don't love me. You've never loved me. You aren't fucking capable, mommy dearest made sure of that, you fuckin' nutbag... ❞
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Left in Lincoln - Master List (ongoing)
softdark dads' best friend!Joel x virgin f!Reader
mood board by gracieispunk
series masterlist here, a reblog won't stay updated.
official playlist 🍑 bonus playlist by readers
PREMISE: After you were orphaned by the outbreak, Bill and Frank raised you, sheltered in their closed community. Now 21+, you're still inexperienced. They leave to get treatment for Frank and ask Joel to look in on you while they're gone. The town begins to creep you out, but Joel is glad to provide comfort, protection, and education.
WARNINGS: I8+ Big, girthy age gap. Joel is very dark and toxic but acts sweet with reader. Angst. Loss of virginity. Manipulation. Slow-burn horror: no gore, no violence toward reader, but this story has given people nightmares. NO USE OF Y/N.
Floorplan
Part 1 - This Protector (3k) - He lowered his voice and said, "Feelin' this against you, knowin' it's there." His hips lifted gently, and it swelled harder against you. "It's s'posed to feel good. Nothin' to be ashamed of"
Part 2 - The Dirty Ground (5k) - “Ever had an orgasm, darlin'?” He slowed his hips to talk. . . . “Only in my sleep," you said.” Good, that’s your body takin’ care of you. It’s good for you. . .Gonna take this belt off, k?”
Part 3 - The Cold, Cold Night (7k) - He looked from your eyes to your mouth and back then murmured, "Nap really all ya want?" "Just wanna be with you," you answered quietly. His deep voice became nearly a whisper. "Love hearin' that, baby."
Part 4 - Apple Blossom (7.5k) - “Gonna take time ‘fore you’re ready for this,” he said with a roll of his hips. . . You asked, “You want it too, don’t you?” “Course I do, baby,” he panted. “Gotta feel good for both of us, though. Gotta do it right.”
Part 5 - Black Math (8.6k) - “God, if you only knew . . .” There wasn't even a hint of shame in his voice. “We’re almost there, I promise.” He tucked in his shirt and adjusted himself while he was at it. “God damn,” he exhaled. “Turns me on, thinkin’ about it.”
Part 6 - As Ugly as He Seems (8.4k) - You would've given anything for Joel to wake up and ravage you. “s’what I mean, baby,” he murmured sleepily into your hair. "Can't trust myself." He groaned softly as his palm brought you tighter against him. You began to reach behind you, but he intercepted your hand. . .
Part 7 - Forever for her (10k) - [loss of virginity] You looked at his clothes and didn't say anything, but he replied to your silent question with a smile and hushed voice. "no, I don't have to be so dressed..."
Yes, I still plan for there to be a part 8. I don't have an ETA for anything I'm writing in this fandom, as much as I love you all.
-----
Art, etc.
HOT fan art by @bonezone44
Ch 1 mood board by @neverwheremoonchild
Ch 1-6 mood board by gracieispunk
Collage by @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog
Chapter-specific posters
Hot ominous edit by swagxgarfunkle tiktok
Haunting edit by @iamasaddie
If yours is missing PLEASE let me know I probably tagged improperly & couldn't find.
#lincoln!joel#toxic masterlist#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#dark!joel miller#creepy!joel miller#cw age gap
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One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.
#i will never care if you reblog#vent#tw vent#cw vent#eldest daughter syndrome#eldest daughter#parentified child#parentification#toxic mom#cw toxic relationship#toxic parents#toxic mothers#toxic mother#toxic family#toxic father#toxic relationship#childhood neglect#childhood trauma#childhood emotional neglect#emotional trauma#trauma coping#trauma#wanting to be loved#i wanna be loved#sad thoughts#eldest sibling syndrome#eldest sibling#eldest sister#toxic thoughts#thoughts to throw into the void
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