seeing all of dreams friends reacting to his face as lead up to the full reveal is sooo special
like you can see in every single one how excited and giddy they are to finally see dream, even people like phil who we don’t see interact with him often (the way he was beaming the whole time!!!!) and now hannah tweeting about how she was Rushing to get ready so she could call with him like
they’re his friends!!! they love him!
(also why is every single of them confirming he’s legitimately hot. like why was tommy speechless HELLO???)
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i think that sometimes the best thing that you can do is remind yourself that there are beaches. lakes, rivers, and ponds. there are forests. little woods and meadows. there are canyons. gullies and mountain cliffs. there are rainy days. dry spells and scorching blue skies. that the world turns. changes as much as it repeats. that feeling slow today won't stop tomorrow's high tide. won't make july's blackberries any less ripe
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suicide cw
look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am.
ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.
this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.
He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!
you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.
it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions.
what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT.
am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!
yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).
The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.
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I do think it's worthless to try to argue with the "amount of screen time = relative significance" crowd, but I really cannot stress enough how great this episode was for me personally, as an Essek stan.
I was doing the math between the mention of the war in the prelude (instead of a more general, 'since the Mighty Nein largely parted ways') and Trent saying, "Don't you want to know what I have?" and sat in my chair for ten minutes before Trent actually said it like, "Surely this man is not about to threaten Essek. That is way too much wish fulfillment for me personally. There is no way that's what he's about to say." AND THEN.
Fundamentally my opinions of an episode are not predicated on whether my fave was physically in attendance, nor even whether he was relevant, but it does show how reductive the measurement of screen time is as a metric considering Trent didn't even have to mention Essek by name to drag his living soul in kicking and screaming to briefly haunt this narrative.
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If you treat trans men* like we always have access not only to being seen and treated as men, but also treated like cis men, and thus, do not need to be included in any discussion whatsoever because we apparently already "have it all", you're frankly not going to treat trans men* well. So often, people assume that as a political group, trans men* have it better when, frankly, cishet patriarchy wants us just as dead as any other trans person. Treating trans men* who bring this up like we're "asking too much" and are just whining about problems you don't think matter as much is cruelty, and is, in fact, transphobic.
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once again going insane about kavetham. they haven't appeared in the story for several months now, but i think about them every day. it might be because i have a playlist dedicated to them, it might be that my pfp both on here and on discord is kaveh's lovely perfect beautiful face. but that's not the point.
the POINT is the fact that al-haitham is perhaps the only person in all of teyvat who knows - really knows - kaveh, and the same is true in reverse. i cannot imagine al-haitham being in love with anyone other than kaveh, and vise versa, but they have canonically hurt each other. they ripped a symbol of their relationship to shreds, once, but kaveh still quitely taped it back together and slipped it between the pages of his sketchbook, the one he treats more like a diary.
and even though kaveh told al-haitham that he regretted meeting him, al-haitham still quietly sat with kaveh and listened to him as he drunkenly recounted every horrible thing that has happened to him since they parted ways. and when he was done, he asked "how has realizing your ideals gone for you?" not because he wanted to rub salt in the wound, but because he wants to understand kaveh again. he wants to know why this amazing man would hurt himself so much and so often just to make others happy and turn dreams to reality.
and then al-haitham took him back to the research center he turned into a house - the place that should've been kaveh's as much as al-haitham's, but because of their fight, is now solely his. and he struggles for a little bit about whether he should act like a fellow resident or a landlord before deciding kaveh's comfort matters more. he'll collect rent and let kaveh do chores and drag him along to go furniture shopping and pay for his bar tabs and do whatever it takes for kaveh to be as comfortable as possible.
and kaveh has to know, he just has to. but there's a difference between Knowing and Believing, and kaveh has spent too much of his life putting his happiness aside for the sake of others. he put aside his childhood to take care of his mother when she was grieving, he put aside his own schoolwork to keep others on his and al-haitham's project, he set aside his own loneliness to see his mother off to fontaine, he let go of the last piece of his childhood to build a palace that would never belong to him— and the list goes on and on and on.
and al-haitham knows that kaveh Knows but does not Believe, so he stays quiet. he challenges kaveh's ideals and theories, but he does not challenge his boundaries. he is as soft as he can be without kaveh pulling away, and he is waiting - for rejection or acceptance, he doesn't know, but he will wait because it is kaveh he is waiting for.
"may my child al-haitham live a peaceful life." perhaps this is not quite the peace his grandmother had been wishing for him, but kaveh's barely-controlled chaos is its own kind of peaceful. al-haitham complains about his noisier projects, and yet he finds he sleeps worse when he can't hear kaveh pacing in the other room.
they are mirrors. al-haitham calls them as such, and kaveh pretends that he doesn't know it's a term of endearment reserved just for them. the love between them has been growing for so long that it's practically bursting from the seams of their shared house home. it's so obvious to so many and yet there it sits, like a child trying to hide under their covers from the monsters in the dark. and they do sort of view it like a monster - it could hurt so much to let the other in, but it might also be the sweetest thing they've ever tasted.
anyways. i'm gonna go back to writing fanfic about them. i'm not sorry to bother y'all with my Blorbo Thoughts.
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