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#tims in the top right corner!!!
dumbass-tm · 2 years
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hi tma fandom!!! so uhh the other day i made a warrior cat jon (motheye!!!) for a roleplay and i started thinking ab jon a lot... and then i started thinking about how ppl like to hc that he was punk in like college bc of the mechanisms and THEN i was like.... what if he was scene/scenemo at one point... and one day the archive assistants convince him to dress up again and hes like "ugh fine..." and i spared him (and me. i cant draw legs) from the skinny jeans BUT THEN i gave him that green streak and i scribbled "its not a phase, elias!!" next to it and so i was like "lol imagine if he went to america met gerry and just... poof!!" and so i doodled!!!! there were like three other drawings that had martin in them but he looked bad in them so i erased them,,, (and then theres placeholder martin for the corner one bc i thought jon looked too yass to erase)
tl dr: scene jon!!
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mimi-croissant · 2 years
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Me with a cute art style trying to draw the blorbos from the eldritch horror podcast:
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clockwayswrites · 5 months
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Totally didn't write Tim being confused.
WC:1174 Masterpost
“So are you going to want in on it?” Jason asked without looking over at Tim. If his brother wanted to follow after him on his mundane patrol, let him.
“You’d be okay with that?” Tim asked, unable (or not trying to) keep the surprise out of his voice.
Jason just shrugged, sure to exaggerate the motion to show through his armor. Tim had done him a favor with this research, Jason figured he earned a spot on the bust. Besides, Jason was… trying. He couldn’t make up for what he’d done to Tim, but he could try to be better now.
“Yes, sure,” Tim said in response to the shrug. “Just let me know when and I’ll make sure the others know to cover my route that night. Or nights, if you need help planning?”
Gut reaction was to growl at the offer of help planning, but Jason forced the sound back down into a noncommittal noise. He was better now. He didn’t need to do everything himself. His goons, and god he still didn’t like that name but whatever, proved that. Crime Alley was better because of them. “Maybe. Lemme look over your data first. I’ll let you know.”
“Right, sure, of course,” Tim said with an aborted flutter of his hand. “Just let me know.”
Fuck, Jason really should say yes, let Tim help. “Yeah, I will. Just need to go over what you’ve got, get my head around it, you know?”
Tim nodded. Some of his hair slipped out of the hair tie that he had it pulled back into. Jason thought it was good for the kid to be growing his hair out, getting out of that perfect corporate box he put himself into too much, but he didn’t know how to say that in a way that wouldn’t offend Tim or make him feel judged, so Jason kept quiet.
In the quiet it was very easy to hear a too familiar voice growl, “I said back off! I’m not interested!”
Jason sighed, the noise threatening through the modulation of the helmet, and turned to run over the roof tops towards the voice. He could feel rather than hear Tim change directions with him, ever the loyal shadow.
-
Tim perched on the edge of the roof that Jason was leaning over.
“Come on, my money’s good,” huffed some dude. He must have gotten out of his car to confront the sex worker who had turned him down. Which beyond being rude, no still meant no even if the person was a sex worker, it was clear the worker was done for the night. They were carrying two handfuls of plastic bags and Tim could smell the food from the roof.
“I said no, dude,” they said. “Go find someone working a corner if you need it that bad.”
“Yeah, they don’t have what you have,” the guy said. Then he did the stupidest thing he could have done and reached out while the sex worker pulled away.
Jason was already over the ledge of the roof before Tim had twitched. He landed with a purposeful crunch on the battered asphalt and had his gun drawn and pointed as the guy spun around.
“You new to the Alley?” Jason growled.
The guy (who looked two seconds away from pissing his pants) shook his head.
“Then you should know the rules,” Jason said. He stepped forward and pressed his gun against the guy’s temple.
Tim’s gaze flicked between Jason and the sex worker, who was looking on… fondly? Something else was going on here.
“I see you fucking with people like this again and you’ll lose something important, got it?”
“Got it,” the guy squeaked.
“Get out of here.”
The guy scrambled back to his car and took off with a squeal of tires. Tim jumped down silently while Jason holstered his gun and turned to the sex worker.
“Hood!” They said with a bright smile.
“Danny,” Jason growled. “What are you doing out here at this time of night?”
“Delivering some dinner to Nickie and the girls,” Danny said, holding up the plastic bags in his hands.
Jason’s fingers twitched like he wanted to run a hand over his helmet (or strangle the other). “Dressed like that?”
The worker, Danny, pouted and looked down at his outfit. There was a large sliver of stomach exposed between the bright green crop top with a pattern of cartoon ghosts, tiny black shorts with magenta details, and knee high black boots. Tim sort of thought the look worked for him in an eye searing way.
“Oh come on, I’m going to see Nickie. You know I have to dress right or she’ll drag me off to another makeover. I can’t take any more makeovers, Hood. And… don’t you think I look good?”
“Of course you look good,” Jason said.
Tim’s head whipped over to stare. He had to purposeful close his mouth before he caught flies.
Danny’s pout grew. “Then what’s the issue?”
“The issue is people are going to think you’re a hooker.”
Wasn’t he?
Danny rested a hand on his hip and raised a brow at Jason. “You say that like being a hooker is a bad thing. Do I need to tell the girls you said that?”
“You know what I mean!” Jason argued. “You just had a pushy John try to pick you up!”
“And I was handling him!”
Jason growled again and took a threatening step forward. Instead of being cowed by it, Danny stepped up into Jason’s space, basically pressing himself along Jason’s looming form. And then Danny stood up on his tip toes and pressed a kiss to Jason’s helmet, right where his mouth would be.
Tim could hear the dial up tone in his own mind.
What.
It only got louder when Jason sighed and just slumped, the fight going out of him.
“Danny…”
“I’m fine, Hood. Look, I’ll take the food to Nickie and stay with the girls until you can walk me home. Or your little shadow can.”
When Jason’s head jerked up to looked at Tim, he couldn’t help the instinct to raise his hands innocently.
Jason just grumbled and let his helmet drop onto Danny’s slim shoulder, which started shaking with laughter.
“Shut up,” Jason said.
“You forgot he was there, didn’t you?” Danny asked. He transferred all the food to one side so that he could run a hand over the helmet and down to Jason’s neck.
Jason letting someone touch him so casually, especially as Red Hood wasn’t helping Tim’s brain reboot.
“Red, get your ass over here,” Jason said.
Tim figured it was best to listen with whatever the fuck was going on here. He slipped out of the shadows while Danny turned around, tucked himself back into Jason’s arms, and smiled at Tim.
“Red, Danny. Danny, Red Robin, one of the Bats.”
“Hi,” Danny chirped cheerfully and held out his empty hand.
“Hello,” Tim said, shaking it mostly on instinct. What the fuck was going on here?
---
AN: Oh look! Another Bat finally meets Danny! Tim is so, so confused. I'm not feeling well at all, so I went back to the tried and true fic that I'm not writing. It's been a while since I haven't written it, hasn't it?
I no longer tag, but you can subscribe to the masterpost here.
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orionremastered · 1 month
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Requested via DMs
Helping Hand
Dick Grayson [DCD]
When they say 'opposites attract', the two of you are the prime example.
Dick is in the center of the room, doing flips and handstands and whatever else the agile swan can accomplish while you stand in the corner, afraid to bump into anything and everything and therefore give yourself another bruise.
"It's okay," Dick always tells you. But you've endured bullying for it in school and that's not okay, which was what he always told you too.
Slowly but surely, he teaches you a simple stretch routine. It's something you were never really able to do, especially not a three minute one, but he's a good teacher.
"See? Told you that you could do it."
Hmm. So he did.
Jason Todd [Dyslexia]
It's late and for once Jason doesn't have patrol. So you both do what you normally do on this rare occasion make out with you sitting on the kitchen counter which is him reading a book to you while you lay on top of him, slowly drifting off to sleep.
His lips murmur against your forehead as he slowly moves his head to kiss you there gently.
"You tired, baby?"
"No," you tell him with an unconvincing yawn. "One more chapter?"
He smiles, pressing another kiss to your forehead. He knows you'll be asleep when the chapter's finished, but he keeps reading anyway.
Tim Drake [ADHD]
Breakfast at 10am because you managed to get Tim to sleep is always the best kind of breakfast.
"You have a doctor's appointment in an hour."
Breakfasts where Tim has to remind you that you have an appointment today is always the worst kind of breakfast.
You rush to clean your teeth and get changed, putting on your shoes before heading out the door.
"You forgot your keys," he calls from the dining table.
"Right, yes, thanks," you run back inside and snatch the keys about to step out the door before he adds,
"You forgot your phone too."
Shit.
Damian Wayne [Dyscalculia]
"This is hopeless," you sigh.
Damian rolls his eyes, handing you a pencil. "You can do it. I know it's hard, but you can."
"Easy for you to say. You're like, an evil warlord master mind and king of the world or something."
You have a point and you both know it. Damian's eyebrow raises. "I'm evil?"
"You're not doing my math homework for me."
"Because I can't help you in the exam." And yet, you feel like he could find a way if he really wanted to.
The two of you have been at it for what feels like hours, trying to help you understand math concepts that everyone else in your year already understands. But Damian apparently thinks you can somehow figure it out.
"Come on," Damian says. "Ten more minutes and then we can take a break."
Apparently you can't make text yellow anymore so Tim's fucken orange ig 🤷‍♀️
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.⋆。You're Gonna Go Far。⋆.
Batsis!reader
We ain't angry at you, love You're the greatest thing we've lost
Warnings: older sister syndrome, angst, mentions of Jason’s death (seriously Lou not every fic), hurt/comfort, all platonic
Stick Season (We'll All Be Here Forever)
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The letter in your hands felt far heavier than the small envelope of papers should have felt. You knew already what it said, what it meant and by god it was tempting to just shove it into your desk drawer and forget about it.
But you couldn’t forget, not when the words inked on those white pages meant that you could finally follow your dreams. Your thumb traced along the emblem at the top right corner of the letter as you read over the excited paragraph of acceptance yet again. It was a spur of the moment thing, a brief lapse into insanity when everything got to be too much and now, the consequences had come.
Could you go? Could you really leave all this behind and do the things you’ve always wanted to do? The seed of hope began to sprout in your chest, slowly weaving through the years of responsibility and obligation you had used to bury it as deep as you could.
But then, you heard muffled arguments through your bedroom door, seeping in like a thick fog. It brushed against your feet, sending a freezing chill through your body. It licked at your fingertips until you couldn’t stand the cold. 
Quickly, you shoved the envelope and the letter into the bottom of your trashcan and stood. “What are you fuckheads fighting about this time?” Your siblings responded with more shouting and as you left your bedroom, you doused that little bit of hope with the poison of your duty.
——————
“What did you want to be when you grew up?” The question hung in the stale air for a moment, looming over you as you worked on sharpening Damian’s favourite sword. Your father was sitting at the massive wall of screens, wearing all of his uniform except for the cowl. A pensive look on his face, he seemingly couldn’t meet your eyes.
“A dinosaur cowboy rockstar.” You snipped back. The letter flashed through your mind but disappeared quickly enough with another pull of the blade against the sharpening stone. Bruce’s brow furrowed.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” You sighed heavily through your nose as your shoulders tensed with the blowout that was about to happen. His eyes pierced into you, watching you with that same bit of intensity they had the first time you donned the Robin suit. 
The leather hilt of the blade creaked with the strength of your grip and the cave settled into a tense silence. But you couldn’t feel that anger that you used to when he asked that question any time before, all you felt was that overwhelming, devastating sadness of what your life could have been.
The first time was when Dick left; Bruce wanted comfort, to know that what he had condemned you and your brother to do was right. You had swallowed down that anger, the urge to scream at him and blame him for everything in favour of telling him exactly what he wanted to hear. “I’ve always wanted to help people and being Robin was the best thing I could be.”
It was after Jason’s funeral when he asked next. Your eyes were still swollen with your tears, your shirt ruined from where Dick had been clinging to you and the bruises from the explosion that took your little brother not yet healed. You had refused to answer him, just telling him to get some rest and that the mantle of Batman would be yours until Alfred determined him fit for the field once more.
You supposed this time had been brought on by Tim’s departure to college barely a week ago. The house was noticeably dimmer without the boy genius and it had quite obviously been affecting your father. You nor Dick or Jason ever got the chance to go to college so it was a massive change.
The bite of your nails into the palm of your hand brought you back into focus where your father was watching you, unblinking. Bruce was a patient man, you’ll give him that.
“Why exactly does it matter? I have a job to do here- protect my brothers, protect the city, protect you in that order, just like you taught me.” His flinch was almost imperceptible to the untrained eye but you were far from untrained.
“Is that really what you want out of your life?” He was probing for something and you didn’t really care. The blade slid easily back into its sheath as you approached the wall of weaponry behind you. 
“What I may want isn’t relevant here, I’m doing what I can- is that enough for you?” With more force than necessary, you slammed the sword into place, turning your back on your father. ��I have shit to do, call me if you need backup.” 
——————
You had been avoiding your room like the plague for three days now. Each time you stepped foot in there, all you could think about was the letter and how the deadline for the offer was drawing ever closer. The easiest solution would just be to throw it out or even calling the university to tell them that you were declining their offer but the easy way of doing things was not your style.
Instead, you started staying up all night and crashing on the couch whenever you needed a power nap. You weren’t dense enough to think that your family hadn’t noticed your change in behaviour but they at least didn’t mention it and you were grateful for that.
“Hey Dams, I need you for a second.” Ever eager to avoid his homework, your youngest brother perked up, his undivided attention now firmly on you. You chuckled softly. “Can you go grab my charger from my room, it should be on my desk.”
“Tt, so forgetful.” He muttered but obeyed anyway, leaving you smiling softly as you returned to your book. 
You hadn’t noticed how long he had been gone until it was Jason that strolled into your father’s office. Still donned in his leather jacket, hair still damp from the rain that had only just started, he looked like a mess. “I thought you vowed never to come back.” You quipped. 
“Har har, you’re still annoying as shit I see.” But even with his harsh tone, Jason plopped himself next to you on the couch and leaned his head on your shoulder. “Are you ever gonna get outta here?”
Your eyes flicked to your not so little brother. “Why is everyone asking me that, I mean if you want me to move out, I can.” You brushed off with a laugh.
“You don’t have to stay y’a know, you can go if you want. No one would be angry at you.” Your heart clenched painfully in your chest. That little seedling of hope began to come back to life once again, tentatively putting out roots.
“Where would I go Jay-bird?” He shook his head, forcing his face into your neck just like he would do when he was little.
“Anywhere, somewhere far from here.”
“But then who would be around to protect you Robins hm?” 
“We aren’t little anymore, we can take care of ourselves.” You wrapped an arm around his broad shoulders and kissed the top of his head. Before you could respond, the office door opened once more and most of the rest of your family filed in.
Each of them looked haunted and almost withdrawn, save for Damian who angrily stomped over to you, and shoved Jason off of you so he could crawl onto your lap. “Who died?” You let your youngest brother wrap your arms around him as you made eye contact with your father.
But it was Dick that stepped forward, a piece of paper in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell us?” His voice shook with that unique mixture of rage and heartbreak that it seemed only he could perfect. The paper trembled in his hands, making the embossment at the top visible.
You poked Damian on his side. “I told you to stop looking through my stuff, you little shit.”
“Couldn’t find your charger.” He responded indigently, his fingers curling into your shirt.
“This is a big deal miss, not just anyone gets into this university.” Alfred, ever the peacemaker, laid a hand on Dick’s shoulder. “You should have told us.”
“It’s nothing, it was a lapse of judgement. I wouldn’t leave you all.” You brushed off but evidently, that wasn’t good enough for anyone. Dick and Jason scoffed while Bruce just looked like he was about to cry.
“You could go, leave this place and you’re giving it up for some idea that we need protecting? That’s fucking stupid.” Jason shoved himself away from you, angrily rising to his feet as he ran a hand through his hair. “You have a real shot here.”
“Is that what this is, some kind of fucking intervention? My life is my own thank you very much, I don’t need all of you telling me what I can or cannot do.” You tried to pry Damian from you in some vain attempt to get away from the conversation but that sneaky shit had dug his fingers into your shirt so tightly that there was no way you were getting him off of you without ripping off your shirt.
The roots were taking hold and it made you feel like shit. Who were you to leave this all behind when it could so easily be ripped away from you? You were needed here, your purpose was here not at some college where you couldn’t be there to protect your brothers.
“We’ll be ok, you can go.” You shook your head, biting back tears that were already building. Bruce came closer, taking your face between his hands. “I have put too much on you, I should have realised long ago. I’m sorry Birdie.”
“You haven’t called me that since I was 12.” Your father laughed sadly.
“Oh my girl, I haven’t been a good father to you have I?” His calloused thumbs wiped away the tears that you hadn’t realised were now steadily rolling down your full cheeks.
“You were never a good dad.” Jason scoffed which was quickly followed by a yelp as Dick elbowed him in the stomach.
“They’re having a moment.” 
“I put so much weight on your shoulders, it was my job to protect all of you but I don’t think I’ve done a very good job at that. This shouldn’t be your dream, you deserve to make a life for yourself without having to worry about all of us.” It was so strange to see your father laid so bare in front of you, freely admitting his mistakes. “You deserve so much more than this.”
You looked at your brothers as if they would give you some excuse to stay, to reject that offer but their faces remained stern if not a little sad. “You can go sis.” Dick nodded.
“You’ve done more than enough for us, I think it’s time that we pick up the slack.” Jason bumped him with his shoulder and gave you a big grin. “Besides, I think it would be nice for you to actually have a social life instead of nagging us all the time.”
Alfred spoke again. “I believe what Master Jason is trying to say is that we won’t hold you back from chasing your dreams. In fact, we are actually quite proud of you.”
A solid weight against your chest brought your gaze back down to the youngest of the group. “Damian?” You knew that boy was incredibly attached to you and would take some kind of issue with you leaving to go study somewhere else.
“If you don’t go, I will never talk to you again.” 
“Well I guess that settles it.” You said thickly, struggling to speak through the lump in your throat. “I’m going to college!” Bruce didn’t hesitate to scoop you into his arms in a hug so tight you felt your ribs creak. Damian whined a slight protest but made no move to slip out from your arms.
“Good because Tim already accepted the offer for you, you start in a couple months.” As your laughter filled the room, the hope in your chest blossomed, casting your guilt and pain into the shadows of its petals. 
[Verse 1] The only time I got to praying for a red light Was when I saw your destination as a deadline "This is normal conversation, babe, it's all fine" Making quiet calculations where the fault lies This is good land, or at least it was It takes a strong hand and a sound mind [Verse 2] The college kids are getting so young, ain't they? They're correcting all the grammar on a spray paint And I even gave up driving after nightfall I got tired of the frat boys with their brights on This is good land, or at least it was It takes a strong hand and a sound mind [Pre-Chorus] It makes me smile to know when things get hard Ooh-ooh, you'll be far Ooh-ooh, you'll bе far from here And, while I clеan shit up in the yard Ooh-ooh, you'll be far Ooh-ooh, you'll be far, far from here [Chorus] So, pack up your car, put a hand on your heart Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are We ain't angry at you, love You're the greatest thing we've lost The birds will still sing Your folks will still fight The boards will still creak The leaves will still die We ain't angry at you, love We'll be waiting for you, love [Post-Chorus] And we'll all be here forever And we'll all be here forever We sure will [Verse 3] We're overdue for a revival We spent so long just getting by That's the thing about survival Who the hell— who the hell likes livin' just to die? You told me you would make a difference Well, I got drunk and shut you down It won't be by your own volition If you step foot outside this town But it's all we've had For always [Chorus] So, pack up your car, put a hand on your heart Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are We ain't angry at you, love You're the greatest thing we've lost The birds will still sing Your folks will still fight The boards will still creek The leaves will still die We ain't angry at you, love We'll be waiting for you, love [Post-Chorus] And we'll all be here forever And we'll all be here forever [Outro] You're gonna go far You're gonna go far You're gonna go far You're gonna go far Yes, you are (Ooh-ooh) If you wanna go far Then you gotta go far
All works
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Jason was cursed. That was all he really knew.
Stalking through the shadows was second nature to him thankfully. He didn't know how the others would react if they saw him like this but he needed help to reverse whatever this was.
Maybe if he took out some criminals the other bats would realize he wasn't exactly what he seemed and prompt an investigation. Luckily for him there was an armored vehicle being robbed nearby.
He enjoyed the screams of terror let out by the two remaining robbers once they spotted him. Taking out the first few had been easy but now he needed to play with them until one of the other bats appeared. Jason was playfully dodged bullets, prompting one of the robbers to swear, "I was expecting sassy bats, not Tony the Tiger on steroids!"
"Forget the money man!" The other said as he rushed on top of a nearby dumpster "I don't wanna be eaten!"
Twack!
Dumpster guy went down with a thud as Red Robin landed nearby, bo staff at the ready. Great! Tim will probably notice the unconscious but very not dead people at Jason's feet...paws...and understand that Tigers don't just do that. Especially ones big enough to place a saddle on and ride like a horse.
Fortunately thats exactly what happened, unfortunately tim came to the assumption that Unnaturally large tiger + targeted attacks + enhanced intelligence = escaped animal experiment. It makes sense and Jason is mad he didn't think about it which lead to him having to run from Tim as his little brother tries to sedate him from a distance so he can take the giant tiger to the zoo.
A zoo! They were actually going to put him in a zoo! Jason whirled around, finding himself cornered by Tims gadgets and cunning, only for Tim to stop, appear confused and start looking for Jason even though he was right in front of him.
A tapping on his paw had him looking down.
There, next to the furry orange of his foot looked to be a liquid shadow with Lazarus green eyes. I can explain. The shadow said, but we need to get away from the bird first.
Once they were safe from the bats the shadow introduced himself as Phantom and revealed he had been cursed by the same person who cursed Jason and proposed they they worked together to remove thier curses and defeat the person who did this to them.
Jason had no objections and Phantoms powers were very useful, even if he was stuck as a liquid shadow. Jason's curse was difficult to break but they managed to get it halfway so where Jason could shift between man and beast like a werewolf, Phantoms wasn't so easy.
Phantoms curse actually removed parts of his spirit and embedded them into precious gems and jewelry across the globe. It sounded like a hassle but from what he gathered about Phanton was that he was a recently deceased teen and Jason wasn't about to just abandon him.
Aka Twilight Princess with a batpham twist
Also Damian is hellbent on adopting the rideable Tiger, much to Jason's mortification
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babyshoesnerdshit · 7 months
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batkids high headcanons
CW: weed (duh), characters being high (also duh), slightly platonic yandere, and infantilization
Dick: absolute cuddle monster, he will grab which ever sibling is closest and hold on like an octopus, if the need to get something from the other room he will simply carry them there so they can get it. need to go to the bathroom? it will take 15 minuets minimum to convince him to let you go. some siblings will hit him for clinging but it doesn't stop him at all. he just loves you guys so much, and he will tell you this constantly. super affectionate, will kiss the top of your head, you cheeks, your forehead ect. some of the others with try and stab him for this others will give up and let him. will be the one to buy all of the snacks before the sesh. makes sure to get all the ones he know you like best.
Jason: anger issues? what anger issues? super chill and the most relaxed you've seen him. he will find you and will carry you around on his hip, he talks to you like your a child (only you not any of the other siblings) he has a firm hold on you so the only way you're getting down is if one of the other siblings manages to convince him. however he is super comfy and you might fall asleep. if this happens you will be cooed at and many pics will be taken (however that would happen no matter what you did so). tries super hard to make you laugh but keeps cutting himself off by laughing at his own jokes. totally makes his own edibles. will go along with almost any silly antic you get up to, the best at playing along with the bit.
Tim: becomes super quiet and doesn't make many expressions, observes the others for the most part. then out of nowhere he will say the most philosophical shit that makes no sense to anyone but him and he refuses to elaborate. one of the only times he will fall asleep willingly. he will also hug like an octopus but only to you, you can push him off much easier but less than half of a minuet later he's hugging you again. will randomly start petting your hair when hugging you. takes lots of pics of you, if you ask why he just says he's documenting important things. he will use the particularly good/cute ones as ransom to the other siblings (ex. "if you do [insert thing] for me ill give you this pic of (y/n) high [doing cute thing]" and it always works)
Steph: becomes an absolute comedian, constantly cracking jokes and finds the funniest videos to watch. smiles and laughs at everything. tends to fall asleep before everyone else tho (except Duke but more on that later) finds the most random things funny, one time you found her laughing her ass off at an egg just sitting on the counter in the kitchen. will bat at things like a cat, like hoodie strings or someone's hair (most likely belonging to Tim or Cass). defo the biggest stoner out of the whole group (followed by probably Jason). always has a bag of chips on her, no one knows where she keeps them she just pulls them out of nowhere to start snacking.
Cass: Cass has never been drunk or high or any form of intoxicated, and she plans to keep it that way. she likes being in total control of herself all of the time. she does however like to hangout with you guys while you are high, she thinks its very funny and she takes photos and records things to use as blackmail or to trade. stays silent in the corner the whole time just watching you guys be idiots, if she sees you're starting to get stressed/have a bad time she will instantly be by your side and knows exactly how to comfort you. she makes sure you guys always have enough water, before you even ask there's a water bottle right next to you. (depending on just how high you are it ranges from a glass of water to straight up a sippy cup)
Duke: doesn't really get high often but will hang out with you like Cass, he however talks to you guys more than just observing. the few times he gets high it always a really small edible because he has a super low tolerance and smoking intimidates him, and he usually only uses it to help him sleep. dude is knocked out almost as soon as it hits. if he does manage to stay up he just laughs at everything and smiles without saying much. he's just happy to be there :]
Damian: is too young to do anything so no weed for him. he claims he doesn't care and that he is superior for keeping his mind clear but will then go pout in his room because he feels left out. will hang out sometimes but not often because he is a common target for dicks octopus hugs/overbearing affection. when he is old enough I get the feeling he would still not partake out of spite and so he can say he's better than you.
Bonus: Alfred makes the best food for munchies, any requests will be made no matter how strange. Bruce knows but he lets it slide (only after doing several hours of research on it to make sure you guys weren't doing anything too harmful) because he's just happy to see all of his kids getting along and bonding. Bruce did give you all an hour long lecture about making sure what you had was gotten from a safe and regulated dispensary and how to get high in the safest way possible. I personally think he transformed one of the lounge rooms into a specific high room, it has no sharp objects and nothing that you could accidentally get hurt on, there's pillows and blankets everywhere. he will also make sure you guys properly clean any pipes/bongs. much like many of your siblings he will use this as an opportunity to baby you (he would tell you to hold his hand because you might be a bit wobbly or carry you to bed ect.)
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incorrectbatfam · 1 year
Note
Tim and Jason headcanons 👀
One morning during breakfast Tim keeps excusing himself to go to the bathroom to fix his boxers because they must've stretched in the wash. Meanwhile, Jason can barely move and waddles into the kitchen like he has a rubber band around his legs. Imagine the horror when they connect the dots and realize their underwear got swapped
One day Tim's room suddenly starts to smell like tomatoes and he tears it apart trying to find the source. Turns out Jason put soup in the humidifier
Jason: *gives Tim an iced coffee*
Tim: "You put salt in it"
Jason: "No I didn't"
Tim: "I can literally see the crystals"
Jason: "What crystals?"
Tim: "Right there, all settled at the bottom"
Jason: "That's how the coffee is"
Tim still owes Jason for the time Jason stopped him from faceplanting in Alfred the cat's litter box
Contrary to how it appears, Jason's hair is thicker. It's so thick that Tim accidentally drops a glob of mayonnaise in it and Jason doesn't notice until he combs his hair hours later
They get bunk beds on a mission. Tim gets the top bunk after losing rock-paper-scissors. While he's asleep, Jason moves the ladder to the other side
Jason puts a cockroach on Tim's desk thinking he'll freak out. Tim, who's on his third day without sleep, looks Jason dead in the eye and eats it
As a kid, Jason often re-wore dirty clothes until he absolutely had to go to the laundromat meanwhile Tim washed his more frequently in small batches so he wouldn't get told off for having a huge pile. Cut to the present day where Tim's sifting through a mountain of Jason's laundry for a pair of socks and Jason is offering zero help whatsoever
They stand out in the rain to see who gets drenched first. It's usually Tim—he absorbs water like a paper towel. Jason then gets in trouble because Tim could've gotten sick ("Thanks, Bruce, not like I'm soaked to the bone too")
And when Tim gets sick, he refuses to take his meds unless someone sneaks it into his food. Finally, Jason has a use for the NyQuil Chicken TikTok
Jason drives three hours from an out-of-state safehouse to hide in Tim's closet and scare him. Little does he know, Tim is in the closet at the safehouse, waiting to pounce on Jason
Jason peels a pride sticker off a villain's car and gives it to Tim
Jason mixes all the Goldfish crackers into a dough and bakes them into a single giant Goldfish. Why? 'Cause he can, and Tim needs something to test his new food pic filters on
In March their patrols end by meeting at McDonald's for Shamrock Shakes
Tim prank calls Jason and convinces him he's lost in Metropolis. Eight hours, countless Bizarro flights, and two unfortunate geese encounters later, Jason storms into the Batcave while Tim simply grins and asks, "What'd you think of my new VPN?"
Tim and Jason find a wheelbarrow at a crime scene and keep it after the case is closed because it's a free wheelbarrow. This happens twice more and now they have enough for a family wheelbarrow race
Bruce makes them spend more time together, so Jason decides to teach Tim the Three-Card Monty. Tim just nods along because he doesn't know how say that he already learned it by watching the second Robin out-con a conman
Jason wakes Tim up one morning by chucking a feather duster at him, saying Alfred wants everything clean. So Tim gathers all the dust in his room and dumps it on Jason's bed before going back to sleep
The Ferris wheel has a clear "no food" policy but Tim doesn't listen and sneaks a chili dog anyway. Jason's in the seat below him, and it's the second time something falls in his hair without him noticing
Jason: "Red Robin, do you read me?"
Tim: "Affirmative. What do you need?"
Jason: "Pick a different gargoyle. That one's mine"
Tim: "I don't see your name on it"
Jason: "Check the underside"
Tim: "It just says Robin, so technically it's both of ours"
At one of Jason's safehouses there's a mysterious bucket in the corner of the living room. No one but Tim knows what it's for
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schrijverr · 2 months
Text
Jason’s Shitty Day
Jason gets arrested by Superman and Wonder Woman, while undercover as Red Hood in a criminal organization. Problem is that they don’t know he knows Batman and trying to get free only poses more problems. Especially when it’s Dick, not Bruce that comes to break him free.
This work is inspired by Undercover by InvalidStuff on AO3.
On AO3.
Ships: none
Warnings: none
~~~~
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jason curses under his breath as he runs for his life through the streets of Metropolis. He can’t believe that this is how he’s going to die for the second time in his life; by the hands of the blue boy scout and his idol.
Okay, maybe he’s being a dramatic, like Bruce they try not to kill their villains, but unlike Bruce they don’t have a strict no killing policy backed up by trauma, so there is a gray area and Jason knows he’s made himself a prime target, being at the top of the Justice League wanted list and all.
Right now it seems ridiculous how he lorded that over the little demon spawn last time they all ate dinner together. The shrimp might not be an assassin anymore, but he still envies Jason’s notoriety all the same.
It’s one of the reasons he told B not to remove him, something he’s regretting now as he rounds a corner, nearly slamming into the building in his haste.
A part of him knows that running is useless, both Superman and Wonder Woman stumbled upon him in an attempt to dismantle the same organization he’s been involving himself in. They assumed him to be the ring leader, because of course they are one of the few members of the Justice League that are actually up to date on their wanted list.
Fucking fuck!
If this were Gotham, he would have had the upper hand, since he knows the terrain and both would be more cautious taking anyone down when Batman forbids metas in his city. However, here in Metropolis he’s more easily confused and the bright city doesn’t allow for him to slip out from under the sight of two of the most powerful people on earth.
So, he isn’t that surprised when Superman’s shadow falls over him, right as he rounds another corner where he comes face to face with Wonder Woman.
He skids to a halt and curses his luck again. His admiration of Wonder Woman never wore off and he’ll likely never live down the mortification of meeting her like this. Right now, he really hates that Bruce is a paranoid fucker, who never let any of his kids near the Justice League. He totally would have made a better impression as the starry-eyed fucker he used to be back as Robin.
However, instead he’s stuck between her and Superman and the only thing he can do is attempt to fight them. Great. B is going to owe him for this.
Jason lets out a roar and charges towards Wonder Woman, whose lasso makes him trip. It forces him to hit the deck and within seconds, Superman is on him, wrestling him to the ground. Of course Jason puts up a fight, never stopping his movements as he kicks and bites, even though that hurts him more.
He knows that Superman is stronger than him, but he also knows that he is stronger than an eel, yet the bastards are hard to catch. So he tries his hardest to impersonate an eel.
A part of him hopes that there are no cameras nearby, because if Barbara or Tim get wind of this, they will get that footage and it will haunt him for the rest of his fucking life. The great Red Hood, wiggling on the ground, being mortified in front of stupid Superman and amazing Wonder Woman and over crimes he didn’t even commit. It’s shameful.
But nothing to be done about that now.
Still, he tries to maintain a little of his reputation, by threateningly growling: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” when Superman reaches out to take off his helmet.
Superman’s hand stills and he cautiously asks: “Why not?”
“Because the explosives will blow and you can say bye bye to my head,” Jason answers, hoping that now that they’ve apprehended him, they’re not planning on killing him.
“What?” Superman chokes, as Wonder Woman demands: “Why would you do such a thing?”
“Pays to be cautious,” Jason shrugs as well as he can while being bound on the floor. And it is being cautious, nothing more. He’s not paranoid like B is, no matter what Dickhead says. When you’re a dead man walking, it’s better for people not to know.
Superman likely uses his X-ray vision, because he’s quiet for a second, before he gasps, his hands twitching. However, Jason has to give him very, very minor credits for swiftly moving on with his interrogation after learning that – though perhaps that’s because he isn’t likely to get blown up alongside Jason, should the bomb go off.
“Your helmet is led lined,” Superman comments, actually sounding a bit miffed about it.
Jason has to swallow a snort and just shrugs again, this time with a bit more little shit thrown in, as he repeats: “Pays to be cautious.”
Wonder Woman apparently has had enough, because she tightens the lasso around his feet, making it glow as she asks: “What are you doing here?”
“Working,” Jason spits out, having trained with Bruce about being able to answer with truths without giving anything away. He is glad for that training now, but he still can’t believe that he is interacting with Wonder Woman and it’s like this.
“What kind of working?”
“Worming my way to the top.”
“You’re not the leader?” Superman asks, sounding surprised. Jason already guessed that they assumed that, but rolls his eyes anyway. Who goes in without doing any research? Do they not know the importance of intelligence?
“No, does this look like Crime Alley to you?” he shoots back.
“So what are you doing here outside Gotham then?” Wonder Woman asks.
It’s a valid question. And a question Jason can use. He’s obliged to tell the truth, but that doesn’t mean the whole truth, so he answers: “Worrying Batman.”
That makes the two heroes pause as they look at each other then back at him, suddenly a little less certain.
Under the mask, Jason grins. He and B still aren’t on perfect terms, but he doesn’t see green anymore whenever they’re face to face and they’ve actually been working on their relationship, hence Jason being at family dinners and out here doing this infiltration mission for the old man.
However, that answer can also be interpreted as him creating chaos that Batman is worrying about, which would make it an issue they’d call him about.
They already might have anyway, since he’s a Gotham rogue and they know Batman likes to deal with those himself, even if they can fall under another hero’s jurisdiction by not being in Gotham. But they also might not have. So, by doing this, he’s implying that whatever he’s doing is linked back to Gotham, which makes it so they’ll have to call B.
Usually, Jason doesn’t want Bruce’s help. Ever. Not when it comes to professional things. He is his own vigilante now, he’s independent and has his own plans. Batman should ask before interfering and Jason is too old and their relationship too tattered for a father figure to help. So, he’d be spitting and screaming whenever the old man even tries.
This time isn’t the same, though. This time he’s in bigger trouble than he’s ever been before and he can’t get out of it by himself. Well, he might, but only if they drop him off at a local police station, which isn’t likely to happen with how high-profile he is.
He can get out of prisons, of being kidnapped, being thrown into a space war, of being discovered as a mole, of nearly all torture. But the Justice League? He knows B grumbles about them being unprofessional, but they still hold a lot of power. He is screwed without B right now.
Still, Bruce has always stressed the importance of not letting anyone know they’re connected. To the League, Robin was never anything more than a rumor and Batman works alone. It’s to protect all of them and despite their past, Jason doesn’t want to endanger them… doesn’t want to disappoint Bruce either. Which is stupid and he’s ignoring it as hard as he can.
Besides, even if he tells them, they aren’t likely to believe him. And Jason doesn’t want the knowledge that he’s a good guy, playing a bad guy out on the streets. He admires Wonder Woman a lot, but her and Superman aren’t great liars. They’d tip people off and he can’t have that.
So, he has to convince Superman and Wonder Woman that they have to call Batman and maybe B can convince them to let him go.
The silence after his comment has dragged on for a bit. To take advantage of it, he chuckles: “Oh, big bad heroes didn’t see that coming? What? Did you think he scared me and I moved out? Tsk, don’t make me laugh. My haunt is still my haunt, all I do leads back home.”
Then he starts struggling again. They haven’t even bound his arms. It would have been better to try when they were still distracted, but they’ll likely capture him again and he has broken his bones enough times already, thank you very much. Better to play at being a flight risk so they’ll move him to a more comfortable place than the dirty street.
Indeed, Superman is played like a fiddle and hauls him upright, saying: “We’ll take you back to base for interrogation.”
Wonder Woman takes the lasso off his legs and instead binds his arms. Smart move on her part, though Jason can’t believe that neither of them question whether bringing a very dangerous criminal back to their base is a smart idea. Didn’t B train them better than this? Have some sort of secondary location for questioning people if you must, don’t bring them home!
However, he doesn’t mention it and lets them take him to a Zeta-Beam, so they can get to the Watchtower. It’s a step closer to B, thus a step closer to freedom, he isn’t going to argue with that. Let Batman rip into them when he finds out.
In the Watchtower, he’s sure to look around. Bruce has never let anyone in here, not even Barbara or Tim, who have to explain how to install the security updates at the Watchtower. God, they’re all going to be so pissed that he got there first.
To make up for that betrayal, he makes sure to look around as much as he can. They’ve of course all stalked the Watchtower on Babs’s monitors, but none of them have actually been, so he’ll have to be able replicate the vibes later.
The vibes are kind of sad.
A bit rude, maybe, but it’s true! It’s all metal and not even that toasty, nor cool, just that gross in between where a sweater is too hot, but you also feel kind of cold. It’s clear B has had input here, because he loves his professionalism.
Jason can still remember the Batcave in its infancy, how much he, Dick and Barbara had to influence before it became what it is now.
All the others don’t remember – except maybe for Tim, who had to pick Bruce out of his self hate spiral – but the Batcave didn’t used to be a little warm for recovering muscle soreness or the cold from outside, there didn’t used to be comfy couches, a fridge with snacks and drinks, or messy piles of works in progress.
He’s going to have a serious word with B when he gets out of here about why he hasn’t implemented anything like that here, when he knows that B naps on those couches and appreciates all the warmth the kids (ugh) brought into the Batcave.
… Well, maybe if he gets out of here, not when. The holding cell they’re pushing him into seems pretty secure and after a second, Jason recognizes it as a Superman containment unit that’s part of B’s contingencies. That makes it also pretty much anyone else proof too.
The shackles he’s locked into are meta proof, however, also Batman’s design, which means that Jason has made it his business to know how to get out of them, because he lives to spite the man most of the time.
Neither Superman nor Wonder Woman have spoken since they started hauling him off to his new little prison and Jason wonders if that is going to change or if they’re going to leave him again.
He also wonders if he should start spouting some sort of monologue to cement himself as a proper villain, but decides against it. It might interfere with a cover story to get him out of here. Anything you say can and will be used against you and all that shit. So, he stays quiet.
There is a chair in the chamber that he’s pushed on and Wonder Woman, starts to wrap her lasso around him again as she states: “We need to know more about this organization of yours. You fought us well and I commend your bravery, however, you posses information we need and you do not seem willing to part with it. But the lasso will make you speak the truth.”
Alarm bells start ringing in Jason’s head, despite feeling thrilled that Wonder Woman just complimented him, so he immediately says: “Hey, hey, hey, can you even do that? Isn’t that unconstitutional or some shit? I mean, I think you need a permit or something to question me like that, I know good old Bats is always up his own ass about right channels and court permissions, shouldn’t you read me my rights? I’ve been arrested enough times to know that’s part of it.”
Red Hood has absolutely not been arrested ever, Jason Todd has, but that’s irrelevant right now. He knows he can’t keep up half truths forever and the actual truth can’t come spilling out. Right now he needs to ensure that Wonder Woman keeps that lasso away from him and remind them that he’s a rogue of Batman, so that they’ll contact him.
Wonder Woman pauses for a second and looks at Superman, who is more versed than her in the world of men.
“He has a point, if this goes deeper than a surface drug deal, then we’ll need to ensure all of them go away for life,” Superman says.
At that Jason would let out a breath of relief, if he hadn’t been trained better than that. He does, however, let his eyes roll, because Supes over there can’t see it and he is allowed to be annoyed that they think it is just some drug bust when Jason has been working for two months to get this neck deep into very fucking shady shit.
“Batman must have some protocol about it,” Wonder Woman says. “I shall look it up, so that we may proceed.”
“You’re not going to call him?” Jason asks, a little surprised, because surely that would be easier than going through the thousands of pages of protocol that B wrote.
Superman squints. “You seem eager to get Batman up here,” he comments. “That’s unusual, most want nothing to do with him. Why?”
Fuck.
He’s used to Gotham villains, who regularly kidnap Batman and want him to pay attention to them, not this fear that he has outside of Gotham. It’s easy to forget too, because B is one of the least scary people Jason knows. Hell, even Dick ranks above him in scariness.
Still, he doesn’t let that show, instead leaning back in his chair as casual as he can, smirking: “I guess, I just appreciate the devil I know is all. You two seem a little boring, no offense.”
“Well, that’s new,” Superman comments and Jason wants to throttle him, because he’s horrible at not letting any information slip past the cracks – and yes, personal relations and reputations are definitely information – he’ll have to remember to mention that to Bruce too.
In the end, Wonder Woman goes to contact Batman and look over their protocol, while Superman stays to watch Jason. It’s the first sensible thing they’ve done, not leaving him alone that is. A part of Jason wants to be annoyed, because now he can’t switch on the com with Babs, since Superman will hear, but he’s just relieved that they have a sense of knowing what to do.
So, they sit in silence.
Superman tries to chat a few times, but Jason knows better than that. You don’t talk, not even small talk. Anything is prying when you’re being interrogated, even if they just want to know your opinion on the weather. Which is making the atmosphere quite awkward.
Luckily, they’re freed from the silence five minutes later when Wonder Woman returns. She says: “Batman says he’ll be here in ten minutes and to not touch or question Red Hood until he gets here.”
Jason is too relieved by the news to judge her for saying that in front of him. Soon B will be here and then he will talk Jason out of here and he’ll be home before he knows it. After today, he can probably convince Alfred to bake cookies with him too. Score.
For the next ten minutes, the atmosphere doesn’t get much better. Jason feels a little more inclined to talk to Wonder Woman, but she is taking Batman’s instructions seriously and with Jason in the room, none of the conversations between Superman and Wonder Woman really take off.
Then the door opens to reveal Batman. For a second Jason can feel a weight be lifted off of him, but then he looks again. The figure is not Bruce, it’s Dick.
What the fuck.
If he weren’t wearing the helmet, he could make a face to demand an explanation, but for now his shoulders will have to do. However, Dick has always been bad at reading Jason’s shoulders when he’s chained up and Jason has a harder time with Dick’s face when he’s playing Batman. So whatever information flow there might have been gets lost in translation.
Dick is one of the few that know Jason did theater in High School, so he’s probably counting on Jason’s yes-and-bullshitting. Which is the only thing that prepares Jason for whatever nonsense he is about to pull out of his ass.
He can’t believe they’re going to lie to Superman and Wonder Woman. What a day this is shaping up to be.
“Hi Batsy,” he grins, hoping that him recognizing Dick will strengthen the cover.
“Red Hood,” Dick greets back. “I knew I’d run into you at some point with this. I’m disappointed, you were doing so well last time. What happened?”
“You know me, I never keep my nose clean,” Jason shoots back, because he’s a crime lord and he doesn’t plan on changing that. His family knows that.
Dick fakes a sigh and sternly says: “You were at least staying in Gotham.” Then he turns to the others and asks: “Where did you find him?” like he didn’t know already.
“Batman, I am glad you came,” Wonder Woman greets. “We have apprehended Red Hood in a drug bust in Metropolis, but we need more information from him. He claims his organization goes back to Gotham, if this goes deeper, we need to know.”
Tsk, what ‘his organization’? Jason had nothing to do with this. Terrible reporting. She could have used ‘the organization’, way more accurate and- oh god, now he’s judging Wonder Woman!
Dick as Batman grunts in acknowledgment and Wonder Woman continues: “We found him in the middle of the warehouse district. The others got away.”
Jason notes that Superman hasn’t said anything yet and shoots him a covert glance. He is frowning at Dick. Jason curses. Dick can do a good Batman when he wants to, but when he does that, he is usually not in good lighting with people who work with the actual Batman regularly.
So, he keeps an eye on the man as Dick gruffly says: “Thank you. I have been tracking his organization these past weeks, if I had known he would branch out, I would have contacted you. I’ll take him back to Gotham for proper interrogation and loop you back in once I know more.”
At that both Superman and Wonder Woman start to look more suspicious and Jason just knows that Dick is going to rip into B later, because why the hell are they surprised at him saying thanks?
Superman finally speaks up: “Why have you been tracking his organization, when he claimed he wasn’t the ringleader when we caught him?”
Damn those investigative reporter instincts, Jason thinks. He needs to distract them from Dick, so they won’t ask any more question. So, he calls out: “I mean, I practically was. Gotham branch is all mine.”
Eyes are back on him, great. Or, well, not truly great, because he hasn’t thought much further than that, but great as in, there is a distraction.
“Red Hood,” Dick admonishes, though Jason can see the relief in his shoulders.
So, he shrugs: “What? I like getting proper credit.”
“Well, you can tell the GCPD all about the things you deserve credit for,” Dick says, leaning in close as he growls.
Fuck, Jason is so making fun of him for that later. After he busted him out of here. Because right now, he has an act to play if he wants to see freedom again. And if he’s honest, he really likes his freedom.
However, before Dick can haul him out of his seat and break him out of here, they’re stopped by Superman: “We caught him in Metropolis, I’d like to question him here first.”
“And he’s my rogue, messing in my city,” Dick snipes back. “He’s got his fingers in all types of pies and I’d like to get him behind bars for it as quick as possible. My way. Because that way works.”
Jason studies Superman and Wonder Woman closely. Dick used the pie expressions, B never is one for expressions, much less pie related ones. And it seems the League figured that out too, because there is a tenseness in their shoulders that wasn’t there before.
Dick must have noticed too, but he’s awaiting their response so he can play into it. However, both know for sure that they’re screwed when Wonder Woman says: “I know you have your way, but you have rarely denied the use of my lasso, especially if it would help your city.”
“Yeah, and you would never just take him without getting more information from us first,” Superman adds. “Who are you?”
“I’m Batman,” Dick repeats, though that’s clearly not going to cut it with the way the two heroes start to close in on him. Jason is starting to feel he’s gonna be on his own here again real soon.
“You’re not. Your heartbeat is wrong,” Superman says.
“Rude, my heart could just have been having an off day,” Dick retorts, obviously giving up on the facade as he darts out of the way and ducks under their attacks and out of the door.
Wonder Woman sets off after him, Superman closely behind. It’s reminiscent of earlier today but then with Dick in Jason’s position. Jason takes a moment to be smug that Dick is definitely getting caught on camera, before taking off through the door himself.
It’s another mental note to bring up to B later and he is starting to wonder if he even trained these people, because that’s truly an amateur’s mistake. Though, perhaps they can be forgiven with the shock of someone managing to break in to the Watchtower without detection while pretending to be one of their own.
His arms are still in the shackles, but there is no time to pick them. Jason also has Zeta-Beam access, if he can just reach the terminal, he’ll be out of here. He’s sure Dick can either talk himself out or that he can come up with a better rescue plan than that.
Where the hell even is the actual Batman? You know, Bruce Wayne?
No time to think about that now, he tells himself, putting the thought out of his mind. He is quickly following the route they’d taken when he got here, but in the opposite direction. He grins when the terminal comes into view.
Skidding to a halt, he quickly starts to put in coordinates. Any coordinates at this point. He’s not used to it, never really traveling via Zeta-Beam much. He hopes he remembers the coordinates of the Batcave after B’s insistence they all learn them and he won’t end up in the middle of the ocean or some shit.
However, before he can beam away, Dick crashes into him when he comes flying into the entrance hall, obviously having thought the same thing as Jason. Only he has two heroes on his trail.
“Fucking fight, Dick,” Jason screams, not even caring that he used the real name, because with Dick you can get away with that. As he attempts to type even faster to get them both away.
Alas, it’s not meant to be, because while Dick is a worthy opponent, he’s fighting two of the most powerful people on their home turf and he doesn’t have anything to fight them with, except for B’s gear that he is less familiar with than his own.
So, while he gets a few good punches in, soon he and Jason are dragged away from the terminal and wrestled to the ground. Now Dick in shackles too.
“Way to go, asshat,” Jason bitches as he lies on the ground for the second time today.
“Oh, like you could have done better. I make a great Batman,” Dick bitches back.
Right at the moment, Flash comes running in, confusedly asking: “What the hell’s happening? I saw it on the monitors, but I didn’t know who to go after first and- Wait, why is Batman in chains? Is he brainwashed?”
“See,” Dick exclaims delightedly. “Flash thinks I make a good Batman.”
“What?” Flash asks confused.
Superman says: “It’s not Batman.”
“He’s not?” Flash says, sounding surprised as he leans over to take a better look.
“Ha!” Dick crows as Jason hisses: “Shut your mouth, dumbass.”
“Who are you and what have you done to Batman?” Wonder Woman exclaims, digging her knee into Dick’s back and making him grunt. Jason has no pity after that stupid stunt.
“I’m Nightwing,” Dick answers and Jason tries to send him a ‘wtf’-look, but is ignored. “I’m a vigilante. I work in Blüdhaven. It’s Gotham’s sister city. Batman’s tied up at the moment, asked me to go in his stead. He didn’t think you’d notice.”
“Lies,” Wonder Woman says.
“Batman would contact us ourselves, not trick us. He’s our ally and we know him,” Superman states confidently.
“No, you misunderstand. He’s quite literally tied up,” Dick says and it dawns on Jason that Bruce Wayne must have been kidnapped when the call came through. In enough of a bind that a miraculous escape would put their identities at stake. Just great. Fucking great.
“He’s taken? We must save him,” Wonder Woman says.
“That’s not necessary,” Dick backtracks, realizing his mistake. “We already have someone on it, don’t worry.”
“Who?” Jason asks.
“The day shift,” Dick answers and Jason mentally translates that to Duke. Good for him. It’s very useful to have someone out there during the day for situations like this.
“Wait, is he claiming to know Batman?” Flash asks. “I mean, I know he’s dressed like Batman, but being captured and all, I thought he was kind of impersonating him and hatching some nefarious scheme, not, like, covering his shift.”
“He is impersonating Batman,” Superman says. “And we can’t trust his claims. He’s here to rescue Red Hood and he is one of Batman’s villains.”
“Oh, so they know him from fighting him,” Flash says, getting what Superman is implying.
“Where have you taken Batman!” Wonder Woman demands.
“I haven’t taken him! Batman isn’t taken,” Dick yelps. “His civvie ID is and he is getting rescued.”
“You know his secret identity? We don’t even know his identity,” Flash exclaims, actually pouting.
“Yes, I know his ID,” Dick says, almost desperate, Jason would feel bad, but he’s kind of given up and is just laying there. “You can check the Zeta-Beam logs, I’m Nightwing, I have access. I work in Gotham’s sister city, we team up sometimes. I know Batman, I promise. I’m just helping him out.”
“Helping him out by getting Red Hood out?” Superman asks, obviously not believing it.
Dick knows how it sounds and lets out a frustrated scream. “Yes!” he insists again. “How did you contact him to come here? How could I have known to come?”
That makes them pause for a second, before Superman shakes his head: “You could have intercepted the message.”
“I didn’t, you know how paranoid B is, his shit is unhackable,” Dick says.
“B?” Flash repeats to himself and Jason mentally face palms. It’s sweet that Dick tried to rescue him, but he feels like he only made it worse.
“We don’t know, maybe you could,” Superman says.
“Oh, he could be a shape-shifter, who took on Batman’s identity and hid the real Batman somewhere else to masquerade as him and help his fellow villains in some sort of plot,” Flash spins a theory.
Now Jason groans out loud and thunks his head on the floor, the impact dampened by his helmet, which is luckily still on. “Why the fuck would he then not take the exact form of Batman?” he asks, exasperated.
“Exactly, just check the logs, I’m Nightwing,” Dick backs him up, almost begging at this point.
“You could have faked that, if you intercepted the message,” Wonder Woman says, not letting Dick up for a second.
“It would make sense,” Flash nods.
“It would?” Superman asks and Jason curses. They should have pushed, the boy scout might have believed them, but the moment’s gone now.
“Yeah, if we bought it, then he could pretend to be Batman for forever and we wouldn’t be suspicious if he acted out of character, because he was a different person, but in our perception still a good guy. It’s smart,” Flash shrugs.
Jason really hates his life, because the Flash is making kind of sense and it appears that there not going anywhere anytime soon.
“I’ll contact Oracle again, Batman’s AI won’t be compromised where his phone might,” Wonder Woman says and Jason has to do a double take. They think Barbara is an AI?
He and Dick share a confused look, however when they hear Barbara pick up, Dick takes the moment to scream: “Tell B to get his ass over here.”
Jason immediately joins in: “O, I’ll owe you if you get me out of here in the next 30 minutes.”
Now all of the heroes present are giving the two of them a confused look as Wonder Woman relays: “We have Red Hood here and an impostor claiming to be Batman. Where is Batman, Oracle? Is he safe?”
While he can’t make out what she’s saying from here, Jason can still hear the amusement in Barbara’s voice as she answers Wonder Woman.
However, whatever she said, must be enough, because when Wonder Woman hangs up, she says: “If our friend does not show up within the next twenty minutes, we are free to go search for him.”
That’s quite fast, Jason thinks. If he could have gotten here so fast, why send Dick first? Jason could have waited for actual Batman. Dick must think the same, because he makes a confused noise, which turns into a little yelp, when Wonder Woman drags him to his feet. Jason starts laughing at him, but gets cut off when he gets hauled to his feet too.
They don’t leave for the cells again though, apparently they’ve decided to hang around here while they wait for B to show up. Flash does leave however, having been on monitor duty before the whole drama went down.
While they wait, Wonder Woman reaches out to Dick, saying: “Let’s reveal your true identity, impostor.”
“No, wait!” Dick yells. “The code states that as a hero, I cannot be discowled or unmasked without my explicit approval. I state that I am Nightwing, a hero, unless you can prove that I am not who I claim I am, you are not allowed to do that.”
Wonder Woman stills again, then asks: “How do you know that?”
“Uhm, I work with B, you really think he doesn’t make me memorize those codes?” Dick shoots back. “And if you knew it wasn’t allowed, why would you do that?” Another thing for on the list.
“You’re clearly a villain, that code does not apply,” Wonder Woman states.
“No, you think I’m a villain. Innocent until proven guilty,” Dick corrects.
“You broke into the Watchtower, that’s not screaming innocent,” Superman points out, which is kind of valid, but Jason has sat in enough on court trails against his own men. He knows that shit wouldn’t necessarily hold up.
“I had a good reason,” Dick huffs and Jason ignores how touched he is that Dick thinks that freeing him is a good enough reason to risk getting destroyed by the Justice League over.
After that, they’re all silent. Wonder Woman and Superman do try to talk with them again, but Dick knows, just as Jason does, that it’s smarter to keep your mouth shut. So they wait quietly as the minutes tick by.
It takes a long time.
By the time they hit seventeen minutes, Jason is starting to get worried B won’t get here in time and then they’ll have to deal with Superman and Wonder Woman tearing into Gotham to try and find their Batman.
Whenever they civvie IDs get taken hostage, it’s usually a media circus after and that’s when rescue doesn’t take overtime. He doesn’t know how Bruce is going to duck out of it. Maybe he has already failed.
Fucking fuck, how badly can one day go? How badly can Jason screw up that he hasn’t just compromised himself and his relation to Batman, but also Dick’s connection to both of them and risked Gotham’s entire vigilante population being found out by two metas, who will go into the city without permission.
It’s clear that Wonder Woman and Superman are getting antsy too, continuously checking the time and looking at the Zeta-Beam, waiting for it to come to life.
Just as they hit the nineteen minute mark, the Zeta-Beam whirs and the crisp voice announces Batman’s arrival. The man himself appearing like some water in the desert, dressed in his previous suit, though his arm is in a cast.
“Batman!” Wonder Woman exclaims in relief, as Superman worries: “What happened to you?”
“A minor mishap,” B replies. And Jason curses, it’s going to be a bitch to keep him out of the field like that and it doesn’t help prove their innocence in the slightest.
“I thought you were going to be busy for way longer,” Dick accuses, probably having been as surprised as Jason was that he could get here this fast.
“Signal is getting better and the broken arm helped me avoid the whole media circus,” Bruce explains apologetically.
“You actually know these two, Batman?” Superman asks, sounding a little hurt, betrayed and confused all at the same time.
“Yes, I honestly thought you wouldn’t notice Nightwing running this errand for me while I was preoccupied,” Batman informs them. “If I had known how today would run, I would have waited and retrieved Red Hood myself.”
There is absolutely no apology in his voice and it’s now doubly confirmed that Dick’s thank you had been a dead give away. Why is he being a dick to his friends? They all would have gotten a sorry if B pulled this shit on them. Dick is so going to lecture him.
“I demand an explanation,” Wonder Woman frowns. “That one is a criminal and we have not heard of Nightwing before. Why does he have access here? Why are you helping Red Hood?”
Batman sighs as if he’d seen this coming, but was hoping it wouldn’t happen. Then he says: “I’m here because Red Hood was undercover for me, you blew his mission. I send Nightwing to get him, because I trust him.”
“And not us?” Superman asks, even more hurt than before. “Batman, you thought we wouldn’t notice you being an entirely different person. You tried to trick us and never even informed us Red Hood worked for you.”
“Hey! I don’t work for that asshole,” Jason snaps, already annoyed since B blew the cover he worked so hard to keep, even if he wasn’t likely to get out of this without giving something away. He knows it’s stupid too, especially in these circumstances, but it’s always been a sensitive topic for him.
Superman and Wonder Woman now look between him and B and B explains: “He’s an independent vigilante, but we team up. I asked his help, he did it as a favor. I never told you, because telling you would compromise him. If we can spin this, it might solidify his standing in the organization, if you had known, you might have let him go and they might not have believed you. It was better this way.”
“I’m really starting to feel like you trust them more than us and that you’ve been lying,” Superman frowns. “We have always respected your privacy and not pried. But you’re keeping things from us. Important things. Things related to our work. And that’s not okay.”
Batman is now between a rock and a hard place and Jason would be more sympathetic if it weren’t B.
“There’s a reason I’m keeping this particular thing,” Batman says without offering any further explanation.
“This is no way to treat your fellow warriors,” Wonder Woman exclaims.
“I’m with her,” Dick pipes up.
“Me too,” Jason adds, because like hell is he siding with Bruce over Wonder Woman.
“You and me both know that we right here, are old enough that you don’t have to do this,” Dick says, almost imploring and Jason holds his breath. He can’t believe Dick is asking Bruce to break their non-association vow here.
“What is he talking about?” Superman demands. “How do you know them?”
B is quiet, assessing the situation, then he utters words Jason never thought he’d hear in front of anyone associated with the League. “They are my sons. I raised them. That’s why I trust them and why I’m here to get them.”
It’s deathly silent for a second, then both Wonder Woman and Superman burst with outrage of never having been told, of being kept in the dark with information like this. How did Batman keep this from them? Why?
Letting them rage for a moment, B speaks up again once they’ve quieted down: “They weren’t always adults and I didn’t know you well enough. I wasn’t going to endanger them. What if you were mind controlled or turned against me? They couldn’t become a target.”
“So what about I work alone?” Superman huffs. “We put effort into pulling you into our group.”
“And that is appreciated and it does take effort to learn how to work together, even if you’re already familiar with teamwork,” B counters. “But yes, I did lie. Having a certain persona here helped keep my children safe. I don’t regret it.”
Despite wanting to be better than this, Jason’s still touched that B would go this far for them. It has always been an insecurity of his, so no matter how shitty it is to the League, he can’t help but feel happy that Bruce chose him over them. That he doesn’t regret it.
Dick, however, doesn’t have that as much and has a different reaction. He pulls free from Wonder Woman’s grip, slackened by circumstance, and says: “And your persona is asshole? Jesus Christ, B, the least you can do is apologize. They got suspicious of me saying thank you, Agent A raised you better than that.”
B at least has the decency to look a little sheepish at that, shocking the two heroes and then shocking them even more when he says: “I am sorry for the trouble.”
“Great,” Jason breaks the tension, stepping away from Superman, because he’s had a roller coaster of a day and he is done. “Glad we got that all settled then. Nice to meet you two, let’s not do it again. If your see me, you don’t know me. Now, let’s to get out of here.”
“Wait, we want more answers,” Wonder Woman stops them.
“Wonder Woman,” B says, finally sounding like himself, tired and a little gruff, but not unkind. “I broke my arm less than an hour ago, I’ve been patrolling all week with three separate Arkham escapes and my kids just got chased and locked up. I need a moment. Promise that I’ll explain better tomorrow. Make it a meeting if you must.”
She still looks reluctant, but Superman is already won over. His kindness is easy to exploit Jason notes out of habit.
“Alright, Batman, but I expect you not to duck out,” he says.
With Superman allowing them to leave, Wonder Woman agrees too: “Yes, answers can come tomorrow. But know that I will come into Gotham to find you, should you not arrive.”
Jason sees Dick suppressing a snort. He has to agree that. With the forewarning and all of them there, they could stop her should B not want to go tomorrow. They’re not going to, B can face his own consequences and Jason doesn’t actually want to fight Wonder Woman, but it speaks to both of their naivety about their city.
“Thank you,” B says, probably feeling he’ll worsen Dick’s lecture otherwise.
Then he punches in his code on the Zeta-Beam and they’re in the Batcave before they know it, Barbara and Alfred waiting for them.
Barbara smirks: “You have no intention of letting them know about the others, do you?” Jason guesses she had already been here with Dick as often happens whenever one of them is kidnapped as a civilian.
“No,” B grunts.
Jason rolls his eyes and finally removes his helmet, holding out his shackles for Bruce to undo without a word. He’s going to crash in his room upstairs, eat some of Alfred’s delicious cooking and then come up with some way to make this whole thing work for him. He’s already invested two months in this stupid op, he’s not letting one shitty day ruin it.
While B undoes his shackles, Dick bounces over to Babs to let her undo his, saying: “Do you know the Justice League thinks you’re an AI?”
“Of course, people tell secrets to computers, not people they’ve never met before,” Babs shrugs easily.
“Oh you’re evil,” Dick grins and Jason agrees with a nod.
Now free, he also makes his way over to her and says: “What do I have to do to get the footage of Dickiebird here getting wrecked by Superman and Wonder Woman?”
“Hey, you got destroyed too,” Dick pouts.
“Not in the Watchtower while dressed as B. I looked cool,” Jason counters, half of that a lie. Fuck, he really hopes Babs hasn’t already found footage of his own take down.
“Get me those snacks I like next time you’re abroad and I’ll throw them in the group chat,” she says.
“Deal,” he shakes her hand, before Dick can interfere.
“You two are so mean,” he pouts even more. “You got taken down too, bet you looked stupid.”
“I did not,” Jason protests immediately, his cheeks feeling hot.
“Camera footage says otherwise,” Babs grins evilly, because she’s an evil evil-doer, who is out to get Jason with her evil ways.
“DO not show him that!” he shrieks, jumping to get her hands away from the keyboards, before she can pull it up, while Dick tries to fight him off so she can.
A part of him still can’t believe that today he nearly died for the second time at the hands of the blue boy scout and his idol, nor that Dick broke in to the Watchtower dressed as Batman to come get him.
Later he’ll have to deal with B’s paranoia over the Justice League knowing about him and Dick, write a report about the weak points of the Justice League, then worry about his own mission and all of that will be a hassle. But right now he’s worrying about making sure his eel footage never sees the light of day and wrestling with his brother and Babs.
All in all, today could have been worse.
~~
A/N:
I don’t think the Justice League is incompetent btw, I think Jason (and the other bats) are just kind of intense with their own security and a little judgmental.
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afloweroutofstone · 7 months
Text
Sweaty Men Wrestle in Public for Your Attention Pt. I, 2023 Edition
The first Republican presidential primary debate of the 2024 election cycle is tonight at 9 pm EDT. This is what you need to know about the candidates who will be there (as well as those who won't):
Ron DeSantis (2nd place, 14% of polls) - The supposed Trump-killer. Florida's governor, running to Trump's right and using his state as a model for his authoritarian, theocratic, culture war style. Despite high expectations, his success so far has been hampered by early scandals, the impossibility of penetrating Trump's fandom, and the simple fact that he is not charismatic— tonight is his big test for faking it. As the best performing candidate on stage, he will face attacks from all directions. It will also be interesting to see how much he sticks to the leaked debate memos his campaign commissioned.
Vivek Ramaswamy (3rd, 9%) - The wild card. A rich finance bro who's never held office, his anti-woke charisma and outside-the-box thinking have won enough fans to put him in the top three. Expect him to be subject of brutal attacks by all of the career politicians below him for the unorthodox positions he's flirted with— cutting aid to Israel, questioning 9/11, increasing inheritance taxes, raising the voting age, etc. Vivek is also Hindu, and there will be a distinct flavor of "you don't belong here" to much of it. His challenge for tonight is to survive and prove that he's not just an early primary fluke.
Mike Pence (4th, 4%) - The Prodigal Son. Trump's former Vice President is now despised by many conservatives for his supposed betrayal of his old boss. Once a darling of the Christian right, still a household name across the United States, the question facing him now is: does anyone actually like him?
Tim Scott (5th, 4%) - The outlier. His political career in South Carolina is impressive, and his record has a little bit of everything for each corner of the party to enjoy. He is also the only Black candidate on stage tonight, the only one to have criticized Trump for racism, and the foremost proponent of criminal justice reform among them. In the rabidly reactionary world of GOP primary politics, it will be interesting to see how he positions himself.
Nikki Haley (6th, 3%) - The hawk AKA the only woman in this whole post. A devout neoconservative and peace-hater, Haley began her political career in South Carolina and then represented the nation at the UN under Trump. There has been a lot of speculation that she, like several other people on this stage, is running mostly to audition as Trump's VP. Expect her to play this debate aggressively.
Chris Christie (7th, 3%) - The scorned. The former New Jersey governor debated Trump for the nomination in 2016, and he hasn't gotten any more popular since then. Nonetheless, his sharp tongue has put him at the front of the anti-Trump lane in this primary. That approach has limited appeal nationally, but he's doing pretty well in some early states.
Asa Hutchinson (8th, 1%) - Who? Hutchinson is the former governor of Arkansas and was once in charge of the DEA. No one cares.
Douglas Burgum (9th, <1%) - Who? Burgum is the current governor of North Dakota and is debating tonight even though he tore his Achilles' tendon this morning playing basketball with his staff. No one cares.
Who isn't there:
Donald Trump (1st, 52%) - Teflon Don. The presumptive Republican nominee right now, Trump felt comfortable enough with his large lead that he decided not to even give his competitors a chance. He's also hoping that tonight's debate flops so that Fox News goes crawling back to him to improve their ratings. Trump is the thousand-pound elephant outside of the room tonight, as the prospects of those who go will be defined by how they choose to use his absence.
Will Hurd (10th, <1%) - The last moderate. Hurd is a former Texas congressman, at the time one of the most centrist Republicans in the House. He tried to fundraise enough to make it into this debate by advertising to anti-Trump liberals, and it doesn't seem to have worked. Christie will take advantage of this to solidify his support among anti-Trump republicans, all 5% of them.
Francis Suarez (11th, <1%) - The con artist. The former Miami mayor tried to create a Miami-centric cryptocurrency which is now worth less than dirt. He also tried and failed to scam his way into tonight's debate by turning contributions into a lottery. Fun fact: he also said candidates who didn't make the debates should drop out. Tick tock.
Larry Elder (???th, <1%) - The forgotten icon. Once a prominent figure in the conservative media world, Elder has failed to build any momentum at all this cycle. He posted this week that he had made it into the debate only for the Republican Party to clarify that no, no he did not.
Perry Johnson (???, <1%) - Who? A rich businessman who was disqualified from the governor's race in Michigan for signature fraud. He is very mad that he didn't make it in tonight. No one cares.
Ryan Binkley (???, <1%) - Who? Literally had never heard of him until I was on the Wikipedia page for the primary. No one cares.
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secretelephanttattoo · 3 months
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Tumblr media
Undercover
Pairing: Tim Rockford x f!reader. Reader wears dresses and blouses but is physically a blank slate.
Word Count: 2.1k
Chapter rating: Mature 18+
Chapter warnings: Implied smut. Angst. InTIMacy. Tim's hair. A fish called Cleo. The Holsters™️. Erotic tailoring.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 7
The 12 months that followed Lee’s arrest and subsequent high profile trial had been a whirlwind. You couldn't bring yourself to be in the room at the courthouse when the guilty verdict was called out. Instead, choosing to loiter in the corridor outside, alternating between perching on the edge of the wooden bench and pacing the white marble floor. It all felt a little too familiar, and the memory of New York made the air feel thick. 
One thing was different, though, you weren’t alone this time. Hadn’t been alone throughout this whole case, and what a world of difference that had made.
You’d taken some time to reflect. Time to think about your future. What you wanted in it and what you didn't. You’d spent a long time pretending to be someone else, and while you were happy to leave parts of her behind, there were some elements that you were keeping.
Tim came out of the courtroom and embraced you in his arms.
“You did it.” He smiled as he squeezed you tightly, his crisp shirt pressing against your silk blouse. “Couldn't have done it without you.”
-
Zoe helped you gather together the last of your things that were scattered around the dusty office. You squashed them all into one box when you probably should have brought two.
“Are you sure you won’t change your mind?” She asked as she tossed a stack of yellow post-it notes inside the box. 
“No, I think I’ve made the right decision this time.” You put your hand on her shoulder. “I’ll miss you, though.”
She cocked her head at you. "Of course you will. I'm a delight."
The cork board on the wall was now bare, the pins stacked neatly in a cluster in the top corner. As you walked past Tim’s desk, your fingers tiptoed across the shiny wooden top and you felt a tingle under your skin at the memory of the two of you dancing around one anothers feelings in this very office. You wondered if you'd miss it, not the awful coffee and the relentless paperwork, but the people who'd brought you back after you'd lost yourself.
You pulled a post-it from the box and wrote Tim a note, in pencil, and stuck it to his computer keyboard.
“Have you seen him around here today?” Zoe asked, peering over your shoulder to see what you’d written and chewing the inside of her cheek.
“No.” You said, lifting the box onto your hip and walking towards the door. “But I didn’t expect to see him here today.” You gave her a warm smile. “Bye Zoe.”
She toasted you with her coffee mug. “Bye, ‘Juniper’. Take it easy.”
-
You’d been staring at your laptop for what felt like hours and your smart watch buzzed to nag you to move. 
Your email inbox was full of orders and enquiries, enough to keep you busy for many months to come. Madison’s ‘MadisonMayhem’ hashtag from her party had led thousands of people to Juniper’s Instagram page, many of them clamouring to know who had made the beautiful green silk gown that was splashed all across the news channels and social media. At first, you'd scoffed at their messages, but they planted a seed that eventually bloomed into an idea.
You leant back in your chair, stretched your arms above your head, and rolled your neck from side to side to relieve a crick.
You got up and walked over to your newly installed shelving units. They were stacked full of rolls of beautiful fabrics in every colour of the rainbow. Some were classic patterns like plaid or houndstooth, some were bold floral Liberty prints, and, of course, there were many reams of silk. You opened one of the clear plastic drawers full of buttons and zips and ran your fingers through them, like a treasure chest of jewels. 
One roll of fabric, velvet the colour of a deep blue sapphire, was ready to be unravelled. The jumpsuit pattern pieces were all cut out and waiting for you to weave them together into something beautiful. You were excited about this commission. It was for a wedding, and the bride had been giddy when she'd emailed you photos of her accompanying headpiece full of dried wild flowers and her pewter coloured leather sandals. She and her fiance were skipping off to City Hall in secret, which you thought was deeply romantic.
Today's task was a little closer to home. The thick white cotton lay folded in a neat square on the long wooden bench, your yellow measuring tape curled up on top.
Time for a coffee break, you decided, while you waited for an important delivery. 
You stood by the window with your mug in your hand and looked at the view of the street outside. It wasn't New York, and it wasn't your L.A. apartment either. You'd never even fully unpacked there.
You wiped the froth of your cappuccino off your lip with your finger after you drained your cup and looked at the clock on the wall. 
“Should be arriving any minute now, Cleo.” You said just as you heard a key turn in the lock.
Tim struggled to negotiate the doorway with a large box in his arms.
“Hi.” He grunted as he slid the box onto the dining table. “This thing weighs a tonne.”
You hugged your arms around him from behind, slipping your hands underneath his jacket to find the warm skin on his waist, his hands meeting yours with a squeeze. You buried your face into his shoulders, feeling the chill from outside seep into your skin.
“You said I needed to buy the best, so I did. Thanks for picking it up for me."
He shrugged off his olive coloured suede sports jacket and hung it by the door, casting you a contented look in the reflection of the mirror.
“You want to set it up now?”
In the guest room, which had once been your temporary bedroom, you rubbed your hand over the smooth plastic top of your sewing machine, once white, but now faded into a creamy yellow from the sun. You lifted it up reverently and laid it down on the floor beside you, then swept the dust off the desk with your sleeve.
Tim placed the new gleaming machine in its place and reached under the desk to plug it in, the light under the foot turning on like a tiny beacon.
“I feel like I should say ‘Ta-Dah!’ or something.” You said with a satisfied smile. 
“Hang on.” He walked back into the lounge and fetched a padded envelope from a high cupboard. “One more ‘New Job’ gift from me.”
Inside was an opaque acrylic sign. There was writing in a swirling script on it, but you couldn’t read it clearly until you flicked the small switch on the battery pack underneath. The name you'd chosen together made you smile.
Brightside Designs, est 2024.
Tim had helped you plan the whole venture once he was sure it was what you wanted, throughout many late nights at the kitchen table. 
"Ready to get measured up, Detective?" You teased as you tossed your tape measure from one hand to another.
The arm seams on Tim's favourite work shirt, arguably the hardest working member of the force, had given up at last, and you'd offered to make him a bespoke one.
The corner of his mouth curled into a smirk as he grasped the bottom hem of his unbuttoned white cotton Henley and pulled it over his head, discarding it on the floor.
He closed the space between you in two strides, and you smoothed your hands across his broad chest, pressing a kiss into his pec.
"I hope you don't measure up all your clients like this?" He said as he angled your jaw towards him and kissed you. His mouth was warm and inviting, and you felt sparks of arousal shoot down your spine as he cradled the back of your head with his wide palm.
"Only the ones I really like." You breathed against his lips. "Turn around, please." You twirled your finger in the air.
You unfurled your measuring tape and stretched it across his wide shoulders. The contrast of the cool flexible plastic against his warm body sent a small shiver across his skin. You let it drop down the length of his arm and asked him to remember the number for you. He stood a little taller when you wrapped the tape around his neck to measure the collar, letting your fingertips glide over the now familiar clusters of freckles. Next came the waist. You wrapped the tape around his middle and teased him about the impossibility of his shoulder to waist ratio. 
When you were done, your hands wandered upwards from where you'd rested them on the belt loops of his dark indigo coloured jeans. You couldn't help but dig your thumbs slightly into the dimples in the small of his back and chuckle at the small moan that came out of him. 
You grabbed a pen from where it was stashed behind your ear and began to jot down the measurements in your small, pink notebook. 
Tim leaned his warm body across your back as you scribbled, crowding you against the desk and breezing his knuckles lightly over your arms.
"It'll be good to have a small part of you with me at work." He kissed underneath you under your ear. "I'll miss you in the office."
"Yeah?" You arched your back to playfully push your ass back into his hips. "What will you miss?"
He turned you around to face him and stroked his thumb over your lower lip before tilting your chin up to his face and kissing you.
"I'll miss watching this mouth chewing on the end of a pen." He said as he pressed his lips to yours.
He stroked his palms up and down your sleeves, making the hairs on your arms stand up. "I'll miss these silk blouses that drive me crazy." His mouth was trailing kisses past your jaw and down to your collarbone.
You sighed into his touch. "Lucky for you, they and I will be here when you get home." 
He paused when he reached the buttons over your cleavage and hooked his hands through the holsters that you were wearing slung loosely over your shoulders. The corners of his eyes crinkled when he saw what you had stashed in them. One side held a sliding seam gauge and pencil, and the other contained a small pot of pins and a stubby triangle of tailor’s chalk.
"And I'll definitely miss these, even though I have a new pair at work now." 
He pulled you in closer to him, and you ran your hands into his hair, pulling the ends slightly to bring his face back to yours.
"Mmm. Sorry about that, but we agreed that they're mine now." You said as you lazily dragged your nails across his scalp, making him sigh.
"Definitely yours, you earned them."
He walked you backwards until your legs bumped against the bed, and you sat down on the edge.
He took your hand in his and stroked your cheek with your interlaced fingers. "Did you ever think about us when this was your room?" He noticed you shift a little and avoid his eye, and he pressed your linked hands against the crotch of your jeans with a smirk on his face. Behind his black square rimmed glasses, there was a glint of amber in his dark brown eyes when he felt the heat there. His voice dropped a little deeper. "Maybe if you can't tell me, you could show me?"
You stroked the backs of his thighs with your hands, sliding them up and down the stiff denim and across his waist.
"Maybe I will." You bit your bottom lip as you started to unfasten his belt, the buckle clinking as you flicked open the buttons of his jeans. "Did you ever think about me at work?"
"Maybe." He kicked off his jeans and nudged you back onto the mattress with his knees. "How about I show you?" 
You wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him down onto the bed with you, him straddling your legs with his muscled thighs.
You looked up at his soft familiar face and mussed up hair. "Holsters stay on?" You asked in a whisper.
He ran his hands up over your thighs and squeezed his fingers into the soft skin on your waist, massaging circles with his thumbs. He bent his head down to speak into your ear, his voice hot against the soft skin of your neck.
"Baby, you know the holsters always stay on."
----------------------------------------------------
A/N: That's the end of the series. There may be a drabble for these in the future, but that's all for now. Thank you for reading!
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nerdpoe · 10 months
Text
TWINcognito mode (Tim and Danny Pretend to be Twins AU)
AO3, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
Danny was floating in contaminated ectoplasm, which was absolutely fucking disgusting. If this was Beelzebub’s idea of a prank, then Danny was going to fill his precious lava lake with jello.
‘Come with me,’ he’d said, ‘We’ll go spy on the living for some fun,’ he’d said.
Then the stupid Demon had knocked him out and now Danny was suspended in the equivalent of sewage.
But something wasn’t right; he had memories that weren’t his and a fighting style that itched under his skin, and his sense of self was muted in a way that only the living felt.
Then the ectoplasm drained, and-
-Danny stood at attention in front of a strange man who was giving off serious stranger danger vibes, bewildered, as said man droned on and on about how he may be another version of Timothy but he would be just as formidable-
-Danny was standing on top of a building, and by this point he was pretty sure that he’d been brainwashed. He needed to find his progenitor, Tim would know how to overcome-
-He was staring at himself, and the self he was staring at stared back in turn.
“Ra’s?” He asked.
“Ra’s.” He answered.
“Brainwashing?” He asked, tilting his head.
“Yes,” he answered, holding his arms out to allow the hit he knew was coming, “Can you undo it?”
His other self smirked.
“I know better than anyone what I’m capable of; of course.”
Red Robin swung out his arm, Danny felt a prick in his neck, and he fell-
-Danny woke up, and for the first time in who knew how long (he knew, it’d been roughly a month of not being himself and also being himself, removed but there), he felt like he was actually present. He could hear Tim rummaging around the kitchen, hear the distant sounds of the city, and started taking stock.
His wrists and ankles hurt, as did his neck. His muscles were sore, like he’d been thrashing around or fighting back. Given the state his progenitor must have dragged him back in, both were likely. He’d likely need further work with an actual therapist to undo the rest, but his head actually felt pretty clear. There were some lingering traces, and he was sure he’d hesitate if he heard a certain phrase or eight from Ra’s, but those could probably be slowly worked out of his system.
Sure, he could just die and go back to being a nearly all-powerful god thing, but…he’d kinda missed being alive. Plus, it wasn’t like he’d completely lost his powers. He could still feel them, they were just muted. 
He knew he could fly, had a bit of supernatural strength, could still toss energy bolts and create a shield, but the other powers? Locked away and sealed into his incorporeal form. The powers he just intimately knew he had were the only ones that his current moral body could handle.
So at least he still had a piece of his original self; it would help differentiate him from Tim. A whole person he hadn't known, but now knew better than he’d ever known Jazz. It was weird to think about. At least when Dani had been made, she hadn’t been forced to take reconstructed versions of his memories.
Slowly, he sat up; wincing as the electrodes on his skin fell off. He felt shaky, strained, and…wait.
“Did you just…shock the brainwashing out of me?” he asked, watching as Tim rounded the corner and handed him a cup of coffee.
The laugh that Tim let out was just short of unhinged; a memory that Ra’s hadn’t known to replicate then.
“If electroshock was good enough to turn me into JJ, then theoretically it should be good enough to train my brain away from League brainwashing,” Tim snorted, and Danny was suddenly very sure he Didn’t Want To Know, “We’ll have to keep an eye on you to make sure though. Probably set you up with a therapist or eight.”
“I’m sure the Justice League would have some good suggestions,” Danny agreed mildly, sipping his coffee, “We just need to follow proper protocol for finding a clone that isn’t brainwashed or needs assistance overcoming brainwashing.”
Tim sipped his coffee.
Danny sipped his coffee.
“But we don’t want to do that, of course.”
“Oh no, no we do not. It’s been too long since we’ve had fun, I think.”
“And wouldn’t you know it; I thought of something funny. Wanna do it?”
~~~~~~~
It was funny.
For them, anyway.
The overall gist was; Danny would go to Dinah for therapy, and they’d have to trust in her professionalism to keep his existence secret until he was ready.
Ready for Danny meant, of course, when he and Tim finally got made by the rest of the Batclan. 
They were going to play it off that Tim had always had a twin. Daniel Janus Drake-Wayne had always been there, pushed into the background because his parents didn’t want an accident with his powers to get out to the press.
And hadn’t that been a shock for Tim, to learn that his clone-twin had powers?
They’d managed to work it in, though.
So the plan was to make it seem like they’d never hidden that Tim was a twin, doctor literally every single piece of evidence they could electronically to show that Tim had a twin, and work in shifts to drive the family up a wall. All photos had been doctored, signatures had been forged, they’d even forged Bruce’s signature on some doctored adoption papers.
“Oh, I’m emancipated. Do you want to be?”
“Nah, it’d be even funnier if they thought they’d pushed the one still under his guardianship out of the manor.”
“A bit cruel, but yeah that’d really make them scramble. Perfect.”
They would, eventually, start dropping hints that they weren’t there for XYZ meeting, etc. 
The family had pushed Tim to the side, and like, sure, it wasn’t really a big deal. But it was super inconsiderate and by proxy they’d also pushed Danny to the side as well, so payback was a bitch and payback was making the entire batfamily question their abilities as detectives and good family members.
“We should get Kon and Bart in on it. Cassie as well, we’ll never sell it without her.”
Tim nodded, already sending out a coded text to his friends. They’d arrive in two hours, when they could make enough excuses to leave without getting caught or raising suspicion.
“I think we should divide up the time they’ve seen us and say that some of that time, for the more public appearances, it wasn’t me.”
“Ohhhh, try to remember the ones you were super uncomfortable at and we’ll say that was me.”
Danny and Tim grinned at each other.
The prank was way too involved, way too intricate, and they were having way too much fun planning it to stop and think about potential consequences.
“Currently I’m trying to break open a pretty big case, I need you to fill in for me at family brunch in a week. Then there’s an extended training exercise in the woods for a week immediately afterwards; all of us are to attend. Substitute heroes have already been selected for our territories. Is that doable?”
“Sure, I’ll get started on freaking them out. Nothing too obvious, but I’ll have to target Bruce a bit differently if I want to avoid confrontation.”
“Of course.”
“I think I like puns. I’ll start with those.”
“Practice now and perfect it; that way it doesn’t seem like you’re new to them.”
“Of course, I’m practice-ly a natural.”
The dead eyed stare that Danny got was worth it.
~~~~~~
Danny stared at his new drivers license; it was designed to look a bit roughed up and older. It was almost identical to Tim’s, picturewise. 
He hadn’t really been thinking about it, but he was kind of starting to really like the idea of having an identical twin. He was still hashing out his personality versus the one that Ra’s had tried to install in him, but he felt like having someone to call family, even as a prank, would help him figure it out.
He could still feel echoes of his family bonds, and there was a tentative new one between him and his…twin. He needed to think of himself as that to prevent referring to himself incorrectly in the future.
There were the faint bonds to his parents and his sisters, back in the Infinite Realms, and even fainter ones going to who he assumes were the ‘batfamily’. He hadn’t told Tim, and he was pretty sure he didn’t need to, but he was grateful to get to know them outside of the designation of ‘that clone that got dropped on us’.
And there were Tim’s friends; they’d dropped by, oohed and ahhed, and declared Danny their friend as well. Danny wasn’t sure if the friendship would last, but again; the more family or friends he had, the more secure he felt about himself.
So even if they were on loan from Tim, Danny was grateful for them.
Also they had been 100% on board with gaslighting the batclan and seeing who would notice. From Danny’s memories he had based from Tim’s, he was certain Cass would find out first.
He was pretty sure she’d go along with it.
Danny knocked his forehead on the window as the Uber came to a sudden stop, and the driver nervously looked back.
“Uh, here we are Mr. Drake-Wayne,” the poor man looked like he was terrified to be parked in front of the gates to the Manor, “I can assure you of Uber’s ability to keep customer IDs secure though, there really wasn’t a need for a fake-”
“It isn’t, thanks,” Danny said quietly, letting himself out and walking towards the gates.
This place…was so much bigger than his generated memories recalled.
He heard the Uber tear away, and focused on trying to muster up the courage to walk through the gate. He’d gone over it with Tim, it would be easy. All he had to do was just go in there and socialize.
Was the anxiety he was feeling a Danny trait or a Tim trait? Shit, did one of them have anxiety? Did both of them?
He could almost hear Jazz berating him in the back of his mind, going on and on about taking his mental health seriously. He would have to tell Dinah and talk about feelings. 
Gross. He wasn’t looking forward to-
-A car horn blared behind him, almost causing him to give up the game early as he spun around and glared at Jason, a hand behind his back and ready to summon a ball of ecto-plasmic energy.
Jason glared right back.
“Come on shitstain, did you forget how a fucking gate works?”
Danny frowned. What would Tim do?
Another car directly behind Jason’s honked its horn in response. 
“Don’t be rude, Jason!” Ah, Dick. A…A witness. Danny had himself a witness.
Ah.
Aha!
That was what Tim would do.
Danny smiled serenely, taking great pleasure at the sudden paranoia and confusion that flashed over his older brother’s face.
“Don’t,” Jason warned softly, grip on the steering wheel tightening.
Danny moved towards the car.
“Timberly I swear to god-”
Danny walked to the car-a classic 1970 mustang, nice-and gently ran his hand along the hood.
Jason snarled and tapped the gas, clearly only intending to spook Danny away from the car. 
But Danny stepped forward and into the giant, mostly steel vehicle’s momentum. He made sure to use a little extra strength to dent the front, certain that his mortal body would bruise, and dramatically dropped down.
“What the fuck-” “Tim!” The scream Dick let out was nothing short of guttural, and Danny realized he may have forgotten to take into account the possible PTSD of both siblings.
The door to Dick’s car slammed open and the eldest of them bolted around Jason’s car towards Danny, only for the footfalls to pause long enough for Dick to deck Jason in the face. Perfect. Yes, yes this would do.
Danny grinned as he picked himself up off the ground, quickly wiping it off his face before Dick could notice it.
Jason saw it.
Jason’s glare intensified as Dick hurried towards Danny.
Danny allowed himself to be dragged away from the front of the Mustang and turned his head just enough to stick his tongue out at Jason, safely where Dick couldn’t see.
The blackening eye really did suit the man, Danny thought to himself as he was bundled into the back of Dick’s car. But it was as the Ancients said; talk shit, get hit.
~~~~~~
Cass had frozen at the top of the steps and just stared at Danny as Dick fretted over him.
Danny stared up at her and smiled, allowing his giddyness at the prank to show in his body language for a half a second.
Cass smiled back, letting out a short laugh before she descended the stairs. She made a point to glare at Jason and protectively put a hand on Danny’s shoulder.
Jason spluttered, gesturing violently towards her and then towards Danny. The third oldest snarled when Cass very obviously turned her head away from him, before finally scoffing and storming into the dining room.
“You’re all fucking against me! I’m gonna remember this you little asshole, you better be prepared!” 
Danny snickered and stepped out of Dick’s hold.
“I really am fine, you can stop-”
“Tim, I know you and Jason don’t get along but please don’t ever make him hit you with his car again. What if it had been serious?”
Danny flushed, averting his gaze. Damn, he thought he’d done a really good job of acting too.
“Look at this!” Fingers brushed his hair out of his face, focusing on poking at a small bruise on his forehead from the Uber window, “This bruise is gonna be awful, what were you thinking?”
“If you knew, then why did you punch him?” Danny grumbled, the flush increasing as Cass started tousling his hair.
Dick snorted.
“He shouldn’t have made the threat to begin with; we all know you don’t handle threats well or normally.”
Danny opened his mouth to defend himself, but was stopped by a large hand resting on his shoulder.
“Tim, what’s this about Jason hitting you with his car?” Bruce asked, concern managing to worm its way into his voice.
“I’m fine-”
“Tim, your version of ‘fine’ is two days of no sleep and a broken arm,” Dick interrupted, sounding very much like a tired father himself.
“Well, they said ‘break a leg’ but I needed those.”
Dick and Bruce froze, both turning an evaluating gaze on Danny.
“Oh no,” Bruce sighed, reaching out to trace the bruise on Danny’s forehead, “He’s got brain damage.”
“Hey Tim, nice to see you,” A voice loudly interrupted. The voice that said it, for how bright it was, sounded downright cold.
The group froze, all heads turning as one towards Barbara. She was smiling, but it wasn’t a nice smile, and any who knew her (or knew of her well enough to probably know her) knew better than to think she was actually happy.
“I can run the equipment downstairs to make sure he isn’t brain damaged, no need to bother Leslie. Besides, we need to have a little talk.”
~~~~~~
Danny sat on the medical cot.
Bruce and Dick had run to the dining room as soon as they could, the cowards.
Barbara sat in front of him, her fingers steepled as she waited for her own tech to outdo the Bats.
Her phone let out a small ding, and she finally nodded. All recording devices except hers were active. Tapping at her phone, she held it in front of her as his own voice echoed through the speaker.
“Ra’s?” 
“Ra’s.” 
Man, their voices sounded almost identical. The only real difference was the inflection used.
“Brainwashing?” 
“Yes, can you undo it?”
It really sounded like he was just having a conversation with himself.
“I know better than anyone what I’m capable of; of course.”
The recording stopped. Barbara set the phone back down on her lap.
“So. I could swear that you weren’t on any records at all prior to two weeks ago, Daniel. Mind explaining how that happened?”
Danny did mind. The prank had seemed like such a good idea in the beginning, but actually explaining it made it seem dumb in hindsight, and Barbara was scary and reminding him of Jazz-
“The only reason I didn’t rat you out and set the Bats on you is because Cass didn’t say you were a threat. Where’s Tim, Daniel?” Her words were sweet, but Danny knew better.
The time for games was suspended, and he needed to rat out his twin.
“Uh, he’s in the Nest. There’s a meta-trafficking ring, and he’s been trying to find out who the leaders are for like, a month.”
Barbara groaned, reaching up to rub her temples.
“What, so he decided to trade places with his ‘twin’ at the last minute to avoid brunch?”
“And training.”
“Of course he did. I’m assuming he’s also largely responsible for all the documents detailing that you’ve existed forever. What are your thoughts on all of this?”
Danny shifted, uncomfortable with being forced to consider his own feelings on the matter when he was still trying to figure himself out as a person. What he did know, however, was that he was very much okay with this.
Maybe a carefully political answer would appease her?
“It’s a nice, slow way to introduce me to this family without the stigma of being a, ah…’twin’. I’m still recovering from my time with Ra’s, so something like this is just a fun way to get to know everyone. Secretly.”
Barbara’s stare, much like her, was not impressed.
Okay, fine.
“Alright; it may be payback for being assholes to Tim when Bruce was gone and we may want to mess with them. Nothing big, just see how long it takes them to notice? We already have something to hold over them since they didn't realize right away. We’re treating it like a training exercise as well. Pretty much only you and Cass passed.”
Now she looked mildly intrigued.
“...Do you wanna be a part of the test?”
Barbara sighed and threw her hands up.
“Sure, why not. I’ll play along. I do have a condition, though.”
Danny nodded, staying exactly where he was and trying not to vibrate in place.
“I want to use your ‘past’ to teach Bruce about the importance of communication.”
Danny had no idea how she would do that, but sure. As long as he got to fuck with these people, he was fine with whatever she did with his doctored history.
“Yeah, sure, sounds good.”
~~~~~~
Brunch was…an affair.
Damian tried to poison him, Jason kept kicking him under the table, and Dick kept trying to put more food on his plate.
So, Danny stared Jason dead in the eye as he reeled his foot back and kicked with enough force to shove Jason’s chair back a good foot. 
Then, turning his attention to Damian, he held the little shit’s stare as he picked up the toast that had been tainted, slowly lifted his hand, and shoved it into Dick’s mouth without looking.
“Thank you Dick, but you should toast-ally have some.”
He felt Dick smile delightedly against his hand.
“Richard, do not swallow that! Spit it out!”
“No Dick, eat it; teach the little demon that there’s consequences to his actions.”
“Did you just try to tip my chair? You little shit-”
“I have the antidote, Big Brother.”
“Thanks Cass! Dami, we’ve talked about this-”
“Master Damian, there will be no poison at the table.”
“Tim, why would you put poisoned toast in Dick’s mouth?”
“Guys why is Tim weird-”
“He’s always weird Duke, I’ve seen him stay up for seventy-two hours just to prove a point.”
“No but there’s something really, really weird about-”
“I’m fine Duke, it’s just a little side effect from the Lazarus water.” 
“Wait, the what?”
“The what?” Bruce’s voice ripped through the air, silencing everyone.
Danny frowned. This wasn’t technically something he was supposed to do, but…as the younger twin, he felt it was his responsibility to also inconvenience Tim. His job description was to be a sibling of this family, and a younger sibling he would be. He’d been a little brother once before, and he’d gladly do it again. To the fullest extent of his abilities.
Also he felt like Tim should have asked for help regarding his stalker problem ages ago.
“Well, Ra’s keeps trying to woo me and chases me around Gotham. I was bound to get dosed at some point, it’s not my fault.”
The chaos that ensued after that statement did Danny’s heart some serious good. Yes, this was perfect.
~~~~~~~~~
The batplane was a fun experience. Genuinely; Danny hadn’t gotten to enjoy the flight over to Gotham, and flying was fun no matter the form it took.
“Drake.”
Oh, Danny had been looking forward to this one.
“Wayne.” Danny responded, fighting to keep the joy out of his mouth. 
He got to be the big brother this time. Him! Damian was a tiny terror, but he had nothing on the chaos gremlin that was Dani. There was only one thing Danny could do here; destroy Damian’s composure.
“Good, you know my name-”
“Yet you don’t seem to know mine,” Danny sighed, putting on his best disappointed face, “You keep saying Drake but never the full thing; Drake-Wayne.”
Behind Damian Dick was mouthing words at Danny. Probably such words that would tell Danny to behave.
What a pity that ‘Big Brother’ did not mean ‘Parent’, then. Not that Danny had such a good reputation for listening to his parents, and Tim never listened to Bruce anyways.
“I refuse to call you a name that you do not deserve-”
“Hey Bruce, did I trick you into signing my adoption papers?” Danny called out over Damian, drawing Bruce’s attention away from talking to Jason, allowing a shit-eating grin to stretch out over his face.
“No, Tim.”
“Hey Bruce, am I still adopted?”
“Yes, Tim.”
“Hey Bruce, are you gonna send me back-”
“Tim, we’ve been over this. There is nothing you could do that would make me overturn my decision. You are a part of this family, emancipated or not, and there is no escape.”
Huh. While that answer had been a bit more passionate than Danny had expected, it still worked.
“Sounds like I earned the name, Dami.”
Damian’s face was growing red with rage. Luckily, Danny knew just what to do to make it worse; by layering on sarcasm.
“But don’t worry, as your big brother I understand that it is my duty to lead by example. So I forgive you, el-witwaat, for your mistakes. Maybe when you’re older, you won’t make such obvious oversi-”
Danny jerked to the side, dodging the knife and breaking out into slightly hysterical laughter.
“I will find you this week,” Damian hissed, his arms restrained by Dick, “And I will kill you.”
“Timothy, stop antagonizing Damian. Damian, stop threatening Tim.” Bruce sounded every bit the tired dad he was.
“But he-!”
“What was that name you called him?” Duke interrupted, turning his seat. Damian let out a wordless cry of rage, struggling with Dick to get out of the chair so he could presumably stab Danny into silence.
“Oh, what name?” Danny asked, resting his chin in his hand and watching Damian with a wide smile. “Do you mean Dami? That’s the nickname that Dick gave him. Or-oh, wait; did you mean el-witwaat?”
“Cease this at once! Richard let me go-!”
“Sorry Duke, it’s a nickname that only I get to use on him.”
Damian froze, narrowing his eyes at Danny suspiciously. Good. He was right to be suspicious, because Danny wasn’t done.
“But it means the sound that a bat wing makes when it’s flapping. It basically means flip-flap.”
“That’s adorable,” Dick breathed, accidentally letting go of their youngest.
Bruce had to put the plane on autopilot to wrangle Damian and force their youngest to calm down.
~~~~~
The week of training was largely uneventful. For Danny, at least.
Danny found out he could still turn invisible and density shift, and promptly spent the entire time reenacting the poltergeist movie on his new siblings.
Jason kept waking up in entirely different parts of the forest they’d chosen, miles away from the checkpoints. Jason had opted to not sleep, which was doing wonders for the ‘ragged and deranged’ look he was going for.
Danny’s personal favorite moment was pretending to walk into a clearing just as Jason was waking up, surrounded by sticks, and idly commenting “Wow Jason, it looks like you’re in a…sticky situation.”
The wordless screech of rage had been music to Danny’s ears.
Damian was driving himself into the ground trying to hunt down Danny, who just maintained invisibility and density shifting to keep just out of Damians reach for literal hours each day before leaving to mess with the others.
Danny took great pride in that he managed to tuck Damian in every night without waking him up, thoroughly confusing the little demon just as much as he was bruising the kid’s ego.
Duke was left alone. Not because Danny thought he should be spared from their sibling bonding exercise, but because he’d see Danny coming thanks to his powers. There was literally no way for Danny to sneak up on him, and he was pretty sure Duke had clocked him as Not Tim anyways.
Dick lost his socks. All of them. Even the ones on his feet. Then Dick lost his sleeping bag. Finally, Danny collected as many spiders as he could and tucked them away, all neat and tidy, into Dick’s bag.
Dick had been an asshole, and justice needed to be served.
Danny did not feel satisfied or vindicated, however, as when Dick opened his bag and was met with the spiders, all he did was nod and step back to allow them to escape, only saying “Yeah, I deserved that. Good job Tim, I didn’t see you at all!”
Danny retreated. He’d have to have a planning session with Tim to plan a way to get back at Dick properly, then.
Cass was spared out of fear.
Bruce, though. Bruce was approached differently.
If Danny used his powers, there was a chance that the Detective would pin Danny as Not Tim, and with insufficient evidence there was a risk of being seen as a threat. Danny very much wanted to avoid an interrogation.
So Danny had opted to leave his new-old drivers license on the plane as the group was dropped off at various points; he knew the Bat as well as Tim. He knew that Bruce would find the ID, knew he would search it, and knew he wouldn’t say a word until he was sure about something.
And Danny, thanks to Tim’s memories in his mind, also knew that Bruce would never admit to a mistake as big as missing the fact that your adopted son was a twin. Bruce would try to guess who was who, and pretend like he’d known the entire time.
When Danny had stopped by the Base Camp to check in, Bruce had three tablets in front of him, all with information on Danny, and was cradling his head in his hands.
The only thing he heard Bruce say was something about possible brain damage, dimension travel, and messing up the time stream.
Then Bruce had frozen and scrambled for one of the tablets.
Danny decided he’d seen enough, and he was missing out on Damian time.
By the time the week was up, Cass and Duke looked refreshed, Danny accomplished but exhausted, and Dick, Jason, and Damian nearly crawled their way into Base Camp.
And Bruce?
Bruce refused to meet Danny’s eyes, and tried every way possible to avoid saying the name ‘Tim’, but also avoided saying ‘Danny’. Good. He wasn’t sure which one Danny was.
The groundwork had been laid.
Danny felt like patting himself on the back; this was a job well-done.
~~~~~~
Upon Danny’s return to the Nest, he and Tim compared notes about everything that had happened over a nice cup of coffee.
“Oh, also I’m pretty sure Bruce thinks that he fucked up the time line when he was trapped, and that that’s why he doesn’t remember me.”
“Oh! That’s perfect! Yes, that’ll stop him from mentioning it to anyone else. We’re in the clear to proceed as normal.”
The future was bright, and the road to happiness was paved with their family’s confusion.
@terzatheunderscorerima @darkbiscuitvoidstudent @akikkobara @reach-for-the-horizon @bitter-coffeecup @moodycow210 @kisatamao @thefantasmarex
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dcartcorner · 4 months
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a fantasy/dnd au because i can't help myself and the thought of ancient blue dragon simon who disguises himself as a human brings me joy.
please enjoy this small one shot ft. s1 adventuring crew (please excuse any errors, writing is not my strong suit!)
Rumours at the Tavern Characters: Tim, Simon, Sasha, Martin, Jon Ships: none
It wasn’t what Tim would consider a nice tavern. He had performed in nicer ones, ones where the counters were meticulously cleaned and the patrons were at least passably polite to the serving staff, and a mug of ale would set you back a silver piece. This place was not quite like that.
Then again, Tim had been to worse sorts of dives.
The Lazy Storm sat right smack in the middle of the two kinds of taverns, perched on the cliff side overlooking the choppy seas of the western coast, amidst the fjords in the town of Killn’s Rest. Not a bad place, not a good place. Just a place, somewhere to  find some warmth, a quick meal, and something to drink. It was also the sort of tavern that didn’t take fire hazards all that seriously, if the number of people making merry that evening within its walls was any indication of the owner’s outlook on safety. It was busy, to the point where crowds spilled out onto the street even though the summer had come to a close and the winter, with its biting chill, was fast approaching.
Perhaps that’s why Tim noticed him - the old man. Because he was sitting on the bar top. 
There were few other seats around. Sasha had managed to charm their way to a table of their own earlier in the night while Martin tried to see about rooms, and their party had stayed planted at said table all night as the crowds slowly but surely filtered in for the evening. They were lucky, in this regard, as many other people were forced to stand shoulder to shoulder. Not that old man, though. Perched on the edge of the bar like a bird, smiling kindly at the person next to him.
And his choice of seat was not the only peculiar thing about him, Tim thought. He wore clothing that Tim could only describe as ornate. If this was one of those nice taverns Tim had played in, he might have expected that sort of the look, but this wasn’t one of those places. This was the Lazy Storm, and that man was incredibly overdressed. 
“It’s weird, right?” Tim said aloud. Martin looked up, then glanced around. Sasha craned her neck to look at him. Jon didn’t look up from his book. Tim nodded in the direction of the old man. “Someone dressed like that in a place like this. That’s odd, isn’t it?”
“Not really,” Sasha shrugged.
“Where?” Martin asked.
“Good on him, getting dressed up to go out for a night,” said Sasha. 
“I think it’s weird,” said Tim. Because it was. 
“Where?” Martin asked again. “Oh. Him? I mean. I suppose it’s… well, it’s a little odd.” The twist of a frown at the corners of Martin’s mouth. “Someone should offer him a seat.”
“Seems happy enough where he is,” Sasha said with a huff of a laugh as the other man at the bar leaned closer to the old man and whispered something to him. 
“Could we please focus,” Jon finally interjected, shutting the book. 
Tim rolled his eyes as he took a swig of his drink. It wasn’t silver coin ale. This was a copper-piece-per-tankard-ale, and it tasted like it. Which was to say, it tasted like a good night in the making.
“Have any of you actually asked anyone about any jobs yet?” Jon said.
“Asked just about as many people as you,” Tim said. By this, Tim meant: none. 
“There’s a rat problem in the sewers,” Sasha said, “according to one guard. Doesn’t pay well, but at least it pays.”
“There are bandits, too,” Martin added. “Uh, just out east of here. Somewhere. Apparently they have a den in the woods? But I think someone might’ve already taken that one.”
“Mm.” Jon was not impressed. He looked over at Tim. “Anything?”
Tim raised his hands. “Don’t look at me, I can get a job whenever.” Plenty of people out there who were willing to pay for some good music. “Or did you forget who bought the rooms and drinks?”
Jon leaned his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands momentarily. Then looked up at Tim and said, “Could you please just. Ask.”
“Jon, maybe we should just… take a night off?” Martin suggested. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing…”
Jon shot him a look and that was the end of that conversation.
Well, didn’t matter. Jon didn’t have to join them in having a good night if he didn’t want to. Tim wasn’t going to let it bother him, and he got up to go order another drink with his own hard earned money, ignoring how much lighter his coin purse was compared to earlier that day.
Why was it his problem anyway, that they didn’t have much in the way of coin? He wasn’t going to let it get to him. It wasn’t getting to him. He and Sasha and Martin were just some poor souls dragged along on Jon’s pointless quest to find some answers that had nothing to do with any of them. So why did it matter?
It didn’t matter.
Dammit. 
The old man was not the first person he asked that night about a job. As he waited for a drink he asked the person to his left and to his right, but neither of them were keen on talking - and it took him a little too long to realize they were part of their own adventuring party based on the matching bands on their arms, and wouldn’t be sharing any information with him. He tried to ask the bartender as well, but she was too busy to give him any answer that was not a look of inconvenience. 
Tim sighed. And he kept asking, until finally his route around the tavern brought him to the old man at the bar. Sat there, dressed strangely, looking for all the world like he should be just about anywhere else. 
“Are you quite alright?” the old man asked him. Tim blinked. “Not that I mind, but I’ve been told it’s rude to stare.”
Had he been staring? “Sorry,” Tim said. The old man smiled at him.
“Something I can do for you?” the old man asked. 
Tim looked around briefly. The other person with whom the old man had been speaking earlier that night was gone. “Don’t suppose there is,” Tim said. “Unless you know of any get rich quick jobs around this place.”
The old man chuckled. “Well now, I can think of a few, but I’m not entirely sure those are the type you’re looking for,” he said, resting his hands on the head of his cane which he had propped up on the empty edge of one of the bar-stools. “Tough times, out there. Or so I hear. Something about the supply and demand of it all, I think. Too many adventurers, too few problems that need solving! At least around these parts.” The old man sighed thoughtfully. “This coast isn’t what it used to be. Time was you couldn’t take two steps on the road without running into bandits or cultists or a proper mountain troll. Now you’d be lucky to find a good sized rat nest to clean up.”
“Yeah, well. Killing rats doesn’t pay well,” Tim said. 
The old man smiled, watching Tim over the rim of his glasses. His eyes were sharply blue, Tim noticed. “No,” the man agreed. “No it doesn’t.” He tilted his head. “Terribly sorry, but I’m afraid you’ll have to go further afield to find anything.”
“Thanks anyway,” Tim said, defeated. 
“Although,” the old man said as Tim was turning away. Tim paused and looked back at him. “I’ve heard a rumour. There have been a few ships that have come into the harbour with some particularly strange news out of the Shivering Straight. Up north. Word is there have been a handful of whaling ships that have gone missing around Helkelson Bay. Only a couple of survivors. Those that do manage to best the frostbite say… well. You know how sailors can be, always creating the most fanciful stories. A ghost ship, they say! The mayor of Helkelson isn’t altogether convinced it’s anything so peculiar as that, though I hear he’s offering a handsome reward to anyone willing to… solve the problem. Whatever that problem may be.”
“Helkelson?” Tim said. 
“That’s right,” the old man replied with a smile. “Ask around the docks, I’d say. Plenty of merchant ships coming and going that way. Of course, it’s only a rumour.”
Tim smiled back. “Better than nothing.”
It was at that moment the old man’s companion returned and gave Tim a wary look. Tim took it as his cue to leave with a nod of thanks and an imaginary tip of the hat before he returned to the table to join his companions. 
“Let me start,” he said to them, “by saying you’re welcome. Now, any of you been to the Shivering Straight?”
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clockwayswrites · 7 months
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Danny/Jason, glitchy
@violet-catsarelife Inspired by that liminal gamestop post.
The door was silent as it swung open. The little bell at the top of it didn’t even ring. In fact, the whole corner store was oddly quiet. Quiet in a way that made Jason glad to have the reassuring weight of a gun at his side. He really hoped it was nothing. He had just gotten off a long patrol with Tim— the two of them working a case together— and he really just wanted to get some supplies, go back to his shitty safe house, and sleep for at least ten hours.
But it was too quiet.
Disguising it as if looking for the things he wanted to grab, Jason scanned the shop to try and get a feel for what was going on.
The black haired cashier, looking as tired as Jason was if the bags under their eyes was anything to go by, was tucked behind the counter and the flimsy excuse for a blast shield. They were scanning items from an obscenely large pile scattered across the counter. It seemed that the two teens, likely high off their asses, had just grabbed anything that looked interesting for their munchy state and tossed it on the counter.
The cashier grabbed and item, scanned it, dropped it in the bag. Grabbed an item, scanned it, dropped it in the bag. The one teen stood in front of the counter, watching this happen. The other paced back and forth behind them, eyes on the ground and sipping at a frozen slushy drink as they walked. Five steps to the left, pivot unsteadily on their heels, five steps to the right, pivot, and repeat. A little weird, but not concerning for 4 am at a convince store. But still something wasn’t right about it…
Jason tilted his head and tried to make his sluggish brain continue to work despite the bone weary fatigue he felt.
Noise.
It was too quiet.
There was no beep of the scanner. No crinkle of packaging. No rustle of plastic bags. It was like everything was silent.
Jason ran through a mental check list of his injuries, but there had been no concussive blasts or hits to the head that night. He was, in fact, relatively unharmed. He reached up to scratch at his stubble. It made a faint rasping sound.
The cashier kept silently scanning.
The pile didn’t seem to be getting any smaller.
The red neon lights of the open sign were eye searing.
The cashier kept scanning.
It was too quiet.
Jason glanced around the store. There were three other patrons. A tired mother holding a sleeping child that clung to her knit sweater with a chubby hand. She was in front of the small medicine area, box of children’s fever reducer in hand. She blinked listlessly at it.
The other one was over by the beer section, of course. The door to the cooler was open but the grizzled old man was just standing there.
It was cold in there, wasn’t it?
It was too quiet.
Jason’s skin started to crawl. He should leave. He should just turn around and leave.
The neon sign read open. It was so bright.
The store was so cold.
There was no noise.
The door opened.
The bell rang.
Whoever it was groaned loudly. “Goddamn it, not again. I can’t leave you alone for ten minutes, can I?”
It was like the whole room suddenly breathed at once and then let out the breath of air in a soft hiss of noise. The child fussed in their sleep and the mother shushed them. Beer bottles rattled. The teen sucked loudly at the slushy.
The cashier blinked up with bright aqua eyes as they reflectively scanned another item. The chips crinkled, the scanner beeped, the bag rustled. “Sorry dude, just, big tests this week and I’m so tired.”
“Yeah, but can you like, not dude, seriously? It’s still fucking freaky.”
They just shrugged and their rolled their eyes and got back to scanning the shrinking pile of goods.
Jason forced himself to suck in a breath of his own. Right, he needed some supplies. He was going to get some things and go to sleep. Sleep sounded really good right then, at least ten hours.
The bell above the door rang cheerfully as he left a few minuets later with bags in hand.
Been doing some little prompt fills. Feel free to continue this if you want!
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eobardthawneallen · 10 months
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Tea time with octokittens :3c
[ID: From left to right a drawing of Gunpowder Tim, Nastya and Ivy are sitting on the floor of the Aurora.
Tim is smiling sitting cross legged, he is holding a white teapot with gold and pink decoration, in front of him are two tea cups on the floor and one black with withe octokitten is drinking from their nearest cup.
Tim's eyes have dark sclera with yellow zigzagged lines, with the same yellow it does a not complete circle inside the iris with a little dot opposite side of the light reflected, then a full complete circle surrounding the center as pupil, the iris of the eye is black. there are also vertical black zigzagged lines around his eyes.
Nastya is smiling towards Ivy, she is sitting with her legs to the respective sides of each leg, she has one greenish grey tabby octokitten on her shoulder and maintains them there with one hand on their back, she also has a sleeping calico octokitten on her lap.
her cheeks are grey blushed, she has a blue fade on her hair, where her tips are more blue.
Ivy has one hand up in a cup, she is drinking tea, a smile is shown towards Nastya. she is sitting with her both legs to one side, she is petting an orange tabby cat.
her haircut is a red mohawk, on the shaved part is a few pieces of metal riveted to her head.
clothes are:
for Tim are all different tones of brown except from the green glassed goggles, dress shirt and two black crossed belts by the chest. he is wearing a coat, a vest, stripped pants and work shoes, he has a kerchief with golden figures stuck in the belt of his coat.
Nastya is wearing a black coat with golden buttons, she has brown pants and black boots.
Ivy is wearing a heart earring, her make up is a red lipstick. Her clothes are a red dress shirt sleeves rolled to her elbows, is wearing a colorful necktie, a black on front and red on back vest, flowery skirt, dark blue tights, red socks and a pair of tall black boots.
background is a grey room, with square tiles, there are cables hanging on the top corners of the image, there is a vent, 3 machines, a there are octokittens up there, one is sleeping, other is looking down to an ocltokitten on the floor, there is also one looking at a wall that is damaged by shoots, there are repairs of the walls with rivets.
END ID]
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pumpkinhrat · 8 months
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Have u drawn catboy Jon? >:3
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well, now that you asked... I present to you the Archives' Cat: Jonathan Sims
[Image ID: Multiple digital drawings of cat-Jonathan Sims interacting with the Archive's workers. First drawing from the top is a two-panel comic showing the bottom of a shelf. In the first panel there are eyes visible in the shadow underneath the shelf. In the second panel, the shadow is gone and in place of the eyes there is Cat-Jon squinting his eyes and hissing. Second drawing, on the left: Martin holding Cat-Jon up above the ground. Third, on the right: Tim typing on his laptop and Cat-Jon leaning (almost lying) on Tim's shoulders, with his head on Tim's and his knee propped up next to the laptop. The last drawing, at the bottom, is a two-panel comic. In the first panel Sasha's shoulder is visible in the corner and there is an open laptop in front of her. In the second panel, the laptop is abruptly closed by Cat-Jon. Only half of his head is visible peeking from behind the desk. Sasha is screaming "Jon!" at him. End ID]
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