Tumgik
#tim drake quotes
vodrae · 4 months
Text
Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?
Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.
28K notes · View notes
Text
Bruce: We need to talk about what’s going on with Tim-
Dick: The stalking?
Bruce: No, we settled that-
Jason: His cloning experiments?
Bruce: I thought he stopped that?
Damian: His hit list?
Bruce: What?
Dick: Dami, we’ve already talked about this it wasn’t a “HIT list” hit list- Is this about his spleen?
Bruce: spleen?
Jason: No it’s gotta be the-
Bruce: This was about his weed stash but I’m sensing there are more pressing issues I’ve not been made aware of?
11K notes · View notes
yjcorefourenjoyer · 2 months
Text
AU that the batkids are all serious and bat-like ONLY WHEN BATMAN ISN’T AROUND
Like when they’re on their own team/out of Gotham? Most respected, calm and serious person there. They have a plan and it will work. “Oh yeah I memorized all the exits and people here the second I entered, you didn’t?” That’s them.
But in Gotham w/ Batman? Pranks galore and singing on patrol, they forget to sleep and forget to eat. When Batman tells them their gonna have a longer patrol they all sigh and complain while trying to give other siblings their work in exchange for doing that sibling’s chore.
But nobody knows that they act like that!! Batman would say something like
“Gosh my kids blew something up I have to go,”
AND EVERYONE WHOSE EVER MET THEM IS ALL CONFUSED LIKE “BUT THEIR A BAT?!?! HUH??!”
and Batman would respond
“Oh yeah you know them, always doing something their not supposed to”
JL: “NO?!”
10K notes · View notes
galaxymagitech · 25 days
Text
Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?
Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—
Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.
Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.
Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.
Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.
Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?
Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—
Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?
Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!
Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—
Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!
Damian: I’m the perfect heir.
Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.
Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.
Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.
Cass: Barbara is good.
Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.
Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.
8K notes · View notes
lustwithoutlore · 1 month
Text
After a mission…
Dick: I can’t wait to go home, have a bowl of cereal, and go to sleep.
Duke: Lucky, I have patrol in like, two hours. No sleep for me. What’re you going to do when you get home, Jason?
Dick: Wait! Let me guess. Crack open a beer, order in Chinese food, and fall asleep on the couch watching a gritty action movie.
Jason, fully planning on having a lavender scented bubble bath while drinking vanilla earl grey tea and watching Pride and Prejudice: … Something like that.
9K notes · View notes
Text
instead of wanting to kill Tim for replacing him, Jason just wants to piss him off a little to keep him on his toes. he does this by changing his name and getting a degree in teaching, and then becoming Tim's English teacher at Gotham prep.
Tim is losing his mind because he swears on his life that his predecessor is literally his english teacher and is literally failing him- and nobody fucking believes him.
Jason thinks it's the funniest shit he's ever managed to pull off. it gets funnier when while on patrol, Red Hood runs into the bats, and instead of helping the others fight him, Red Robin throws down his bo staff down and screeches at the top of his lungs 'STOP GIVING ME FUCKING DETENTION'
16K notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
7K notes · View notes
Jason: People who sleep with their phone on silent or DND really don't give a damn about anybody.
Damian: If you decide to have a problem after midnight, that's between you and God.
Tim, very tired: …How do you set your phone to Dungeons and Dragons?
10K notes · View notes
reineydraws · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
any fan of kakashi is a fan of jason todd send tweet
Tumblr media
11K notes · View notes
firerose18991 · 5 months
Text
Literally anyone meeting bruce and his family for the first time: So how did you get so many kids by 30?
Dick: HE WAS A TEENAGE DELINQUENT
Jason: *shouting over him* HE LEFT MY MOTHER AT THE ALTAR
*tim is sitting, just happy to be included*
Bruce: BE-quiet.  They're ADOPTED!
Jason: *not a beat missed* Because he’s never known the touch of a woman.
12K notes · View notes
Text
The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.
And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.
Labels are put on everything.
On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.
The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".
The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".
Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.
"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".
Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".
There is a label beneath the desk too.
Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".
It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.
Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.
Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.
"Batceiling"
7K notes · View notes
vivianthepigeon · 5 months
Text
Tim: “I need to tell you something”
Bruce: “What did you do??”
Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”
Bruce: “what did you do???”
Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”
Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”
Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”
—————
Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”
Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“
Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”
Jason: “I got a DUI”
Bruce: “Jason!”
Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”
Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”
Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”
Bruce: “I don’t follow.”
Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”
Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”
—————
Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”
Jason: “He knows.”
Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”
11K notes · View notes
Text
Dick, at Damian soccer game, watching from the sidelines: Wooo! Let’s go Dami!
Random lady: Oh is he your son?
Dick, touched: Oh ha, he’s actually my brother!
*Later*
Dick, hanging out with Tim: Come on we should get ice cream.
Random Guy: Oh out for some father son bonding time?
Dick, grasping at the thought of looking old enough to have a college aged son: w h a t
12K notes · View notes
arrowmaker15 · 4 months
Text
(Red Hood and Red Robin sitting on a rooftop while on patrol)
*silence*
Red Hood: Wanna fake a fight to make B think I'm turning back into a supervillain?
Red Robin: Oh, definitely.
8K notes · View notes
91-1lover · 8 days
Text
What if Damian and Tim love each other and even like? It's just more of a situation "Manipulating others is easier ". Maybe an example will help;
Damian: Father, May I go to Zoo today?
Bruce:No Damian, you're grounded.
Tim:Oh, that's bad. I could go with you to take photos of otter, but if you are not going I think I will stay too. What's a zoo without company. Maybe I will go with Kon next week.
Bruce *Super happy in a moment of thinking his youngest kids getting along*: If you two agree not to kill each other, Damian can go
Tim and Damian:*Knowing looks*
Or situation like;
Tim who has abandoned issues and is having fear of people leaving him: Dick is mad at me. Can you stab me so he will be in his mother hen mode Instead?
Damian who would like to have 5 minutes of peace from Grayson: Say no more
6K notes · View notes
mcuxhp777 · 30 days
Text
Damian: These are my older brothers
Jon: Hi
The three brothers: Hey
Damian: Oh, you will love Titus
Jon: Oh, he and Krypto can play along
Damian: Of course
*They walk out of the living room*
Jason: No fucking way is that Damian
Tim: *Shrugs* Maybe Jon actually made him human
Dick: I have to agree with Jason, he referred to us as 'brothers' and not 'Bruce's three disappointments'
4K notes · View notes