REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 07/02/2020

I’ll be transparent: my left ear’s blocked and I’ve been struggling to hear really, I feel I can’t properly critique music with that issue for many reasons, so I’m just going to BS my way through that one. I think that’s fair. Let’s “review” those charts.

Top 10

At the top spot, finally, it’s the amazing “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd, up one space to #1 after 10 weeks on the chart! I’m glad it’s here, and I think it can last though it does face some competition.

At number-two is the runner-up, “The Box” by Roddy Ricch, up a single space from last week.

Last week’s #1 “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi is down two spaces to number-three this week.

“Don’t Start Now” is also down two spots to number-four this week.

Unfortunately still holding onto number-five after a one-spot drop is “Godzilla” by Eminem featuring the late Juice WRLD.

“Someone You Loved” has dragged itself up three spots from the depths of hell, rebounding to number-six. I have no idea how this is happening and I want to put a halt to it as soon as possible.

At number-seven, “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish gets a slight one-spot boost possibly due to the Grammy’s performance.

“Life is Good” by Drake, then Future is down a position to number-eight.

“ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas is still hanging on up a spot to number-nine.

Finally, to round off the top 10, we have “Adore You” by Harry Styles back at #10 after raving up four positions this week for whatever reason. I’m not exactly complaining; it’s a pretty decent song, but I have no idea why it’s back.

Climbers

We have only two climbers that are notable enough to earn a spot here, but they are very interesting and seem to be surprising hits. “You should be sad”, a country rock-infused hot mess (Or song, depending on how polite you want to be) by Halsey, is up seven spaces to #17 this week, with some true organic momentum, and “Roses” by Saint Jhn, a trap song that was made into an unauthorised house remix by Kazakh producer Imanbek, zoomed up 19 spaces to #21. These two songs seem like they could make the top 10 pretty soon, so I’d keep watch.

Fallers

There are a few more fallers, however, as there always naturally tends to be. First of all, J Hus had all three of his songs that debuted last week from the album bomb (for Big Conspiracy) fall dramatically in pretty expected fashion, but I’m surprised they’re all on the chart still, considering most of the time at least one of the songs tends to drop out. Leading the pack is “Play Play” featuring Burna Boy down eight to #19, swiftly followed by “Repeat” featuring Koffee down 12 spots to #33 and finally, “Big Conspiracy” featuring iceé tgm barely scraping the Top 40 at #40, down a whopping 21 positions from last week, which is a drop intensity I don’t think we’ve seen in a long while. There are also a few hits falling off due to the arbitrary streaming cuts rule, like “Pump it Up” by Endor down five to #23, right next to the absolute collapse of “Own It” by Stormzy featuring Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy, a former #1, down 19 spaces to #24. As I’ve always said, this rule mostly and usually solely affects hip-hop artists. It does have a notable effect on some pop and EDM though; “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill is down five to #25, and not all hip-hop has the streaming cut to blame. The mediocre “Ei8ht Mile” by Digdat featuring Aitch has only been in the chart for three weeks and is already at #28 after its 11-space decrease this week. Regardless, those are our only fallers this week... well, except “Those Kinda Nights” by Eminem featuring Ed Sheeran down 11 spots to #38 but do we really want to acknowledge that song exists? I’m not sure if we do.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Novelty songs don’t last long, and neither do protest songs, so the anthem of the European Union, “Ode to Joy”, as performed by Andre Rieu and the Johann Strauss Orchestra is out off of the debut at #30, as should be expected. The other dropouts are just songs that have been slogging in the lower reach of the top 40 for at least three weeks, like “Circles” by Post Malone out from #31, “Darkness” by Eminem out from #37 and “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles out from #39, but there is also the dropout for “Pee Pee” by M Huncho. The song’s growing on me too. Don’t think about that too much. There aren’t any returning entries as usual, so let’s run through some possible future hits in the top 75. Not all of them are good, not all of them are bad. We have “What if I Told You that I Loved You” by Ali Gatie at #71, “Charades” by Headie One and Fred Again at #67, “July” by Noah Cyrus at #66, “Momentary Bliss” by Gorillaz featuring slowthai and Slaves at #58, which is a fantastic comeback for Damon and gang, “Only the Young” by Taylor Swift from her documentary at #57, “High Fashion” by Roddy Ricch and Mustard at #56, as well as “Ballin’” by the same duo at #46, the returning entry of “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish after the Grammy’s at #45, “Power Over Me” by Dermot Kennedy at #42 and finally, “Suicidal” by YNW Melly at #41. Let’s get to the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

Like I said, I’m going to BS my way through most of these; I can listen to these songs in their entirety completely fine but I won’t be able to have that pleasant of an experience through headphones so I’ll just be blasting it out loud from the crap speakers of my laptop, meaning I could be losing some notable production elements that I would usually further analyse. I’m sorry about that, guys, but I’m still reviewing the charts even with a hearing impairment.

#36 – “Better Off Without You” – Becky Hill and Shift K3y

Produced by Shift K3y, Jarly and Svidden

Is impairment a word? I am so tired right now, I apologise if I start droning on or meandering about garbage, but here we are. I actually got three predictions right last week, with our first three new arrivals all being songs I predicted would end up here this week! So that’s pretty cool. Uh, this is Becky Hill’s new single with Shift K3y? Who’s Shift K3y? I don’t know. Looking him up, he’s another one of those future garage and house DJs from London, and he had a pretty massive hit with “Touch” in 2014. This is his third UK Top 40 single and first in five years since “I Know” peaked at #26 in 2014. It’s Becky Hill’s ninth (eighth excluding the uncredited feature on Wilkinson’s “Afterglow”) and I think I know exactly what to expect. It’s going to be “Wish You Well” with Sigala again. I wasn’t exactly incorrect; there is the same fake handclap, the same breathy and dull vocal from the admittedly talented vocalist Becky Hill, who does have a certain sound to her voice that is recognisable albeit not particularly impressive. The chorus is especially awkward and leads to a lot of empty space vocally within the duration of the drop, it sounds really odd. Otherwise, this is barely anything more than just pop-house fluff and a bit of a waste of time. Oh, and Shift K3y actually provides backing vocals here, or at least that’s who I’m assuming they are. They might just be a heavily edited Becky Hill. Regardless, this is a slightly cuter rendition of what we get every other week on this show.

#35 – “Say So” – Doja Cat

Produced by Tyson Trax

Yay! So, okay, I’ve been a fan of Doja Cat for a while even though her discography is wildly inconsistent in quality, back when “MOOO!” happened, and I’m pretty excited to finally see her here and be able to talk about her first UK Top 40 hit, which I’ve actually already listened to so I can confidently say it is a pretty decent, fun song. It is actually the biggest hit from her album Hot Pink, which saw more success than her debut and contained her second break-out single, the “Juicy” remix with Tyga, which of course had the viral video, but this one doesn’t have a video and instead got big on both TikTok and its pure groove and musical merit. Surely, this is Doja Cat’s best possible “first” impression, yet it’s kind of generic and definitely lacks some of her usual charm. On another note, I don’t care at all; this is a bop. The groove is immediately recognisable as it’s a direct sample from “Good Times” by Chic, or at least damn well sounds like it, and it provides a pretty good foundation for the synth-heavy funk-pop production that, while it does feel flavourless, especially by the end of the song, is a perfect beat for Doja Cat’s light falsetto, especially in the infectious chorus and gorgeous first verse, with some very interesting melodies and harmonies, although her voice does falter at times and it does sound somewhat awkward and abrupt, especially when a shift in her cadence does not reflect a shift in the music at all right at the end. Her second verse is a more typical Doja Cat rap verse, and it has as much charisma and energy as she usually does, with some really sweet, fast and surprisingly aggressive flows. By this time, however, that chorus does really start to drone on, doesn’t it? There are barely any developments in the instrumental to keep it interesting. Like, maybe try a key change? Just don’t loop the same vocal line for the chorus six times, especially since the chorus’ melody is incredibly simple. The meandering outro doesn’t really do much for me either, it just feels like they couldn’t figure out an end to the song. Speaking of not figuring out stuff, the second verse is borderline nonsensical but, hey, despite all those flaws, the song works well as a little dance-pop venture for Doja, and I’d like to hear it more... or perhaps in this case LESS, refined in the future.

#30 – “Lonely” – Joel Corry

Produced by Joel Corry, Lewis Thompson and Neave Applebaum

You remember “Sorry”. Now he’s back with another house-pop song with a one-word, two-syllable title that nearly rhymes with his name and features an uncredited female singer. I have no idea how this one’s going to sound!!! Maybe I shouldn’t be too cynical, I mean “Sorry” was okay. This one seems to have Harlee Jayne Sudworth on it as the vocalist in place of Hayley May, but it could be a sample as I’m just going by the writing credits. It’s Corry’s second UK Top 40 hit, by the way, after “Sorry” was his breakout hit. Yeah, I’m sorry, I find it hard to care. The vocalist sounds exactly like Hayley May, the instrumental is just vaguely deep house-influenced preset loops, and the drop is one I’ve heard at least seven times this past month. The stuttering in the post-chorus and bridge is possibly the most obnoxious shit I’ve heard in EDM since “Like a G6”. AIt’s also way too long for how uninteresting it is. Pass.

#12 – “Physical” – Dua Lipa

Produced by Jason Evigan and Koz

Ah, there are two new songs just outside of the top 10, the first by Dua Lipa, serving as her second single from Future Nostalgia, which is shaping up to be a pretty interesting dance-pop/90s house and nu-disco throwback record seemingly from these singles and the vibrant, colourful aesthetic. This is “Physical”, and despite a pretty cool music video, this seems to have debuted pretty low, which is disappointing but she could easily gain more traction as “Don’t Start Now” starts to falter. I’m excited to listen to this with both ears, but regardless this is Dua Lipa’s 14th UK Top 40 hit, and let’s listen, I guess. First off, this sounds a lot less 90s than it does 80s, in fact I’d probably call this instrumental typical of let’s say, early Madonna, but with an extra injection of steroids inserted right into the tempo, with that first beeping synth melody sounding a lot more menacing and intense than intimate as I expected, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact, Dua Lipa herself is probably the worst part of this song, as her presence is questionably mundane here, sometimes having her Auto-Tune trail off awkward, in the verses especially. Otherwise, the additional bombast of the synths in that chorus are a pretty nice addition but without Dua Lipa putting that much effort this does feel a tad empty until of course that bridge which is the final release and climax, and that sounds beautiful, especially with the strings and all, but is it really worth it at that point? Not only that, but the chorus that follows feels neutered in comparison. The song feels like it’s a high-speed car chase that happens to constantly be in traffic. It’s not bad, but it’s hard not to feel at least a little disappointed.

#11 – “Wake Up Call” – KSI featuring Trippie Redd

Produced by S-X and Mally Mall

Well, this’ll be an ant-climactic one I think. This is KSI, British vlogger, rapper and semi-professional boxer, with her new song “Wake Up Call” featuring Trippie Redd’s first ever appearance in the UK Top 40, which is unexpected. He’s only ever been in the #80s before, but KSI is a different story, as it’s his third appearance in the UK Top 40 and his umpteenth in the singles chart overall. I’m not exactly excited to hear this since even though I am a fan of Trippie, he really would phone it in on a KSI feature, within reason, but we’ll see how it is. Just as I expected, it is kind of garbage, even though I actually love that quirky synth loop that acts as the main melody. Sadly, it gets pretty old two minutes in, and Trippie’s hook, drowned in reverb, is just unpleasant, as is the pathetic trap beat and KSI’s surprisingly anti-charismatic delivery. Like, I thought he was a YouTuber people liked for being happy and upbeat, right? Why is he just murmuring to kill time here? Yeah, this isn’t worth anyone’s time. KYLE and Lil Yachty could probably do this beat the little amount of justice it deserves, though.

Conclusion

Well, there’s nothing particularly amazing here but it’s clear that Doja Cat’s “Say So” is what is most worth listening to here, so it’ll get Best of the Week, I suppose. I guess I’ll give the Honourable Mention to “Physical” by Dua Lipa, and the Dishonourable Mention to... “Lonely” by Joel Corry, actually, as while it’s less interesting and probably has a larger absence of good than our Worst of the Week, “Wake Up Call” by KSI featuring Trippie Redd, at least there wasn’t any potential being wasted. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more pop music rambles and I’ll see you next week – or sooner!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020