#this work exists for me first n formost? but i also don't want people to only find it in full while clearing possessions once i bite it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blinkpen · 5 months

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hmmm self motivational rambling yaaa

i will survive, i have such a passionate and surreal character-driven story to finish sculpting and share and i don't even want to get stupid rich off it, i don't want the kinds of algorithmic fame an investor would demand as a goal, i don't want the eyes on me specifically or whats the biggest household name starpower i can attach to myself, so much as i want the story to exist and finally be as concrete an expression it can be that exists outside of myself, as someone whose strange brain struggles to communicate outside the vehicle of their art, and feels outright alien at times, but in spite of it all, wants to have at least this method of interaction, and maybe even to be understood

i don't want it to exist just to eventually pump out merch and expanded universes and more merch and more of itself for its own sake,

i value the integrity of my work and what it has to say for itself, and i want to remain a recluse to a degree, like bill watterson, an inspiration in this regard

i want my work to inspire emotions and thoughts and self reflection, i want the horror to unsettle, but the resolutions to satisfy, i want it to tear into some and bring healing to others who might not have even known they needed it, to inspire other people to understand the strange, and inspire the strange to survive should that fail, and survive as kindly as we can manage, if we can manage it

but also survival can require throwing hands and we're not going to lie and pretend it doesn't bc this is written for Actual grown ups

another thing i want is to actually respect the intelligence and free will of my audience to form their own opinions; and of course, hope they recognize when i gave them these discussions about these characters and their actions intentionally, that some situations have ambiguity for a reason (another aspect of why i'd like to remain a recluse in a way is to avoid being treated as a combat summon in overheated headcanon battles, when a situation was clearly left ambiguous/up to the audience to sit n digest on purpose

bc it is indeed a whole lot about these characters and how they think and behave and navigate the nigh-apocalyptic obstacles they regularly face over the span of two particular characters' lives from basically the day they met onward, because there was, in fact, no era of their life boring enough to just skip or get reduced to flashback

so we dont see years of hardened characters with a hint of a soft side hidden away and then we learn why they're like that. i mean we get that for some, but largely, we are watching the hardening process (or the universe sure trying its absolute gosh darn fatherpegging best in that regard) happen in real time.

until you have to start worrying Which random ambiguously malevolent force of the week is going to be the camel's spine-breaking straw, possibly when they aren't even the biggest threat this quarter but entirely by chance of showing up when the wrong fucking character was in the wrong fucking mood for whatever Effect that creature has to cause havoc, and that's it

what would normally be the angsty backstory, be The story we watch unfold in real time. really getting the feel for the characters as multifaceted and carved into the shape they are by their experiences, vs just kind of popping out of the ground ready to fill the role they're in for the roster. like entire dynamics change and shift. characters have their opinions changed (or don't). some characters yoyo in some intentionally insufferable but believable ways. some you will be doomed to watch only ever get worse. not all of them! but some. and some aren't so much doomed to only ever get worse, but you'll probably start threatening to burn my house by the end if they don't catch a fucking break already, and the right when it seems like its time to get the flamethrower,

oh shit

a kitkat bar! just for them! fuck yeah [bites into it horizontal like its a square cookie to the absolute horror on onlookers]

yknow. stuff like that

also becoming friends and possibly making out with whatever the hot fresh minty hell this Thing is (her name is Mulu, and if applebee's existed in the setting, she'd love going there entirely because she'd like the imaginary bug conjured in her mind in response to hearing the name, and why yes, she would share a cup of sugar and/or Gender with you)

#sporadic warbling #oc babble #this work exists for me first n formost? but i also don't want people to only find it in full while clearing possessions once i bite it #i want to have a functional support network/the resources i need to prevent creator breakdown influencing things too much #dare we call it 'dodging henry darger'-core

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