GOAT

TROS

If the only problem with TROS was the death of Ben and the rest of the movie was a masterpiece, then maybe I could forgive them. But the serious problem here is that the ENTIRE FILM is an absurdity on its own. You kinda feel like gathering all the facts across the trilogy and distribute them proportionally in each of the films so it all feels cohesive. But that couldn´t be done because Lucasfilm obviously didn´t map this project as a trilogy which it´s absolutely embarrassing. It wouldn´t have costed much for the board writers to sit for a week and write ONE STORY and divide them in three acts just like every writer does when making a book or an independent film or a short film or a documentary, Jesus there are so many people out there writing way better stuff than this with almost nothing of a budget. Having to use different directors is no excuse. The team behind the Mandalorian proves that, they obviously work as a team and so far they seem to treat the Star Wars legacy with respect taking old facts and carefully placing them where they´re needed.

Now, what pisses me off the most about this film is definitely the irrationality of Rey´s arc. The Rey who stood in front of Palpatine and told him “You want me to hate you but I won´t, not even you” is the same Rey who spent THE WHOLE MOVIE attacking Kylo over and over again out of nothing. I´ve spent this whole year wondering why they were fighting in the rain, only to find out that it was for nothing other than Rey´s sudden rage. Wondering why was Kylo flying his TIE towards her and why was she backflipping over it, only to find out it was for nothing too, were they trying to kill each other? Just after Kylo told her that he didn´t want to kill her? Did the conversations in TLJ were all for nothing and they´re back to zero? It´s like all JJ wanted was to retcon TLJ and have cool shots, which they are. The fights are very well choreographed and performed, and they´re visually beautiful and majestically scored, but that doesn´t take away the fact that plot-wise they´re absolutely pointless. When Kylo starts to talk about her past, she again attacks him in a way that for someone who believes in the good side and the Jedi and the light and repulses everything that has to do with the dark side, seems pretty infuriated and aggressive. If she was pissed off about everything the First Order did during the Allegiance comics, it would have made sense for her to mention it at least, because as it was presented it all seems pretty illogical and only for show. Again, they make her look as a person who it´s not enough informed about anything and can´t use her words to stop being one. She didn´t even think in taking advantage of Kylo´s second offering of joining him to defeat Palpatine, then if she didn´t want the throne and was so worried about Kylo becoming emperor, she just could have TALKED and tried to bring him back to the light. But that didn´t even crossed her mind, she just wanted him dead until she actually killed him and didn´t want him dead anymore just because she felt Leia dying, and I can´t believe Chris Terrio has repeated the same also pointless fight between Batman and Superman where Batman remembers his mother and suddenly decides to not kill Superman after beating him badly. I absolutely hated that movie and I was hoping he wouldn´t bring any of it into this. Saddly, I was wrong.

You can´t just link Rey to Palpatine out of nothing. You either connect her to him from the very beginning throwing hints of it or you don´t link her with anyone from the past at all. And you can´t just bring Palpatine with absolutely no excuse, it makes it obvious no one planned to have him behind it all from the start. The concept of Rey Nobody settled by Rian Johnson was a good idea so all kids around the world could relate to her, giving an important message that you don´t need to come from something important to be someone. But if the idea here was to prove that someone who comes from the dark side can choose to be light side, then DEVELOP it through the entire trilogy.

Bringing new supporting characters in the last two films has resulted in a crowded mess when everyone gets to say a line with no purpose, wasting the film´s time. When they presented Rey, Kylo, Finn and Poe as the main characters in TFA, it was understood that the story would be told through their eyes. Then why the hell bring new characters to do the job that they could do. It just makes Finn and Poe look like a pair of extras with nothing relevant to do, just being a burden to Rey when she clearly could have done everything on her own. It would have be them two going to the core worlds and convincing the people to join the cause, so they can truly be heroes in this story. Instead of having everyone joining at last minute because they think Lando is dope and decided that somehow they´re not scared anymore even now that a massive imperial fleet has appeared out of nowhere. And why having so many ships to fight the final battle when they´re gonna waste it by not showing too much of it. I mean it´s called Star Wars for a reason, but somehow they´ve wasted more time having Rey and Kylo fight than investing in the action on air. If all those fights between the two of them had place in TLJ and the talking force bonds had place in TROS, then maybe it would make a bit more sense and the story would seem to have a proportional pace in each film and a better structure. Instead, this movie seems like rushing scramble of events awkwardly mixed with all the trivia they could find from the Star Wars lore while spitting in your face absurd facts about the characters you have known for 5 years and having to believe each of them.

I wouldn´t have problems with Hux being the spy if he was suspect from the beginning. You can´t make a character to be a cold blood mass murderer and devoted to the First Order to the point of fanaticism and then turn him into a softy who reveals he is the spy and traitor of the very thing he loved, in a stupidly parodic way, and who can also be gotten rid off quite easily. And all without any character development whatsoever. I mean, fanfics make a better job with Hux as a villain.

Why create the knights of Ren if you´re gonna have them like silent dogs and get them easily killed when they´re also force users? I mean, I´m not saying that Ben is not powerful enough to finish them but apparently in the comics HE AND LUKE have fought them before and they made it out alive. It would have been a lot more interesting to have the KOR since TFA and make one of them suspect so he can be the one to bring Palpatine back to life in TROS. It would have been better to have Ben and Rey fighting them in TLJ throne room instead of the shitty praetorian guards that are killed in one second in episode III.

Why presenting new characters in Resistance Reborn if we´re not going to see them not even on the background during the resistance base scenes? It´s such a lucrative and deceitful game to have books, comics, etc. and not include them in the films in any way. I can picture them saying to the writers “Yeah, do whatever you want”.

And finally, why create such a good concept like “dyad in the force” if you´re gonna have just one of them fighting against Palpatine while the other one is in a hole. It obviously should have been them BOTH fighting Palpatine and defeating him since when they´re together they have the balance of the force. I mean, I thought that was what Star Wars was all about. It should have been all the generations of Jedi helping them BOTH since Ben Solo had already gone back to the light. Why create such a compelling complex character if they were going to make him have the exact same fate that Darth Vader had. It´s so frustrating the lack of imagination for a conclusion, it makes you cringe. The ultimate message here is that the Skywalker family was cursed and they all deserved to die.

I applaud the astonishly good performances of the actors, the realism they brought makes it all more believable and painful so we don´t forget this film actually happened. The entire movie pains me so much because I´ve grown to love Star Wars and I´ve had deep love for each of the films, yes even the prequels. I´ve defended every movie from the haters and I never thought it would come the day that I would say the saga has been completely destroyed.

Foretell Chapter 1: Closed Eye

Everyday is the same day for one Simon Cross. Wake up, eat, go to school, comeback home, eat, go to sleep, and repeat. There are times when its not boring as usual for Simon, these rare occasions happen due to his friends. They all have different quirks and talents that completely separate them apart. A miracle will happen soon and obstacles will test their resolve and their friendship.

Today is a new day, a Monday. The current state of the room suggests that a hurricane must've passed through. The walls are covered with various posters of rock bands and video game characters. On the corner a stack of comics is covering an old dusty base guitar. On the right side of the room a bed near the window is visible with someone currently under a blanket, the alarm rings with the time saying it's 7:00 A.M. The boy on the bed refuses to get up, tossing and turning just to ignore the loud noise of the alarm, he attempts to shut it off, clearly struggling, until finally he manages to turn it off and proceeds to look at the time. "ugh... morning already?" said the boy with a yawn. As he stands up he proceeds to the bathroom door next to his table and walks inside to wash his face, he looks in the mirror and all he saw was his light brown face and black hair, he says to himself "Alright Simon today's the day, we're gonna finally tell Liz how you feel about her." Just the thought of it makes Simon's face gushing red. "Can I really do it today?" He says that while his head is on the bathroom sink .

After that he went out of his room and walked down the stairs. He walked straight to the kitchen and open the refrigerator, he took two eggs to cook for his breakfast. After all that he proceeds to the bathroom to take a shower. He took out his favorite yellow shirt with a black star print on it along with some jeans. He packs his bag and walk towards the door, he passes by the living room and sees his father asleep on the couch with a beer bottle in hand. A look of hate and disgust is visible on Simon's face. He ignores his father and opens the door and proceeds to leave closing the door behind him.

As soon as Simon arrives he looks up and sees a huge sign of the schools name "Good Fortune High School", He walks in the front gate and greets the guard a good morning, the guard simply nods at him and gestures for him to keep on walking. Simon went inside the main building and walks up the stairs heading to the second floor.

As he makes it on the second floor he was immediately greeted by a tall man with an orange ginger hair wearing a red hoodie and a green shirt. He was Robin Flask or Rob for short, he's the oldest in Simon's circle of friends that's because he was always held back at school for the lack of academic improvement, but he still remains a kind and down to earth person who likes animals specifically a stray black cat he named Caster. Being an orphan Rob learned to live and survive on his own also being a part time mechanic.

"Hey Rob your awfully early today." Simon says this with a teasing face.

"Shut up squirt, everyone's in class already."

"Is Liz there?"

"Of course when has she ever been absent?"

"Y-yeah... ha ha ha you're right. I guess I'm going in then." He's face is completely flustered.

"Uh huh you go get her romeo" Rob says this with a visible smirk on his face.

Rob rubs Simon's head and goes down stairs to got to the bathroom. Simon walks up to the first door on the left, he took a deep breath and walks in. As he opens the door there were around 20 students there including all of Simon's friends. He saw the class president Vicky Chimes sitting in the front row. Black haired and wearing a long skirt along with a white blouse and a huge pair of glasses, she is the best friend of Elizabeth Swan and she is a perfectionist. She believes that all boys are revolting. She quickly glances at Simon but totally ignores him afterwards.

Simon was immediately greeted by a camera flash, it was the twins, Vina and Rina Vale, the two look completely the same with their white skin and blonde hair. The only way to differentiate the two is through their height, hair styles and clothing. Vina the older sister and the tallest between the two, she has rowdy and unkempt hair, she is currently wearing a white buttoned down shirt with a red necktie and a very short skirt with high socks and a pair of pink sneakers. Vina dreams of becoming a very famous rock star one day. Rina while holding a digital camera is currently wearing a green flannel jacket and skinny jeans along with a pair of black sneakers, her hair is also braided in pigtails. She dreams of becoming a journalist one day. These twins are well known to have a very financial family, in more common terms they are filthy rich.

"How's the picture?" Simon asks to Rina.

"Hmm... a bit blurry but I can manage, nothing a little editing can't fix." Rina says this with a very optimistic smile.

"So is today the day?" Vina's teasing question to Simon.

"Th-the day for what exactly?" Simon being once again flustered.

"Oh come on! When are you going to man up and ask her out on a date?" Vina says this with an expectant look on her face.

"I'm working on it okay." Clearly has an agitated look on his face.

"Okay dude chill, good luck with that plan of yours." She says this with an actual optimistic expression.

The twins proceeded to go to their respective seats that's near the door in the back of the classroom. Simon also went straight to his seat. Simon's chest started to tighten, he heard he's heart beat louder and louder. This is because of the fact that he is seated right next to Liz. He saw Elizabeth Swan Staring outside the window. She looks lovely as ever, with her fishtailed braided brown hair and her light brown skin. Liz is a hardworking student she studies hard and always shows effort with all her school works, she is also a black belt in karate. She doesn't have any plans on what her future should be like, but with her talents and skills the sky is the limit. She turns around and immediately sees Simon and waves at him. Simon stared directly into her green eyes and immediately looks away. He went to his seat with a gushing red face and finally sits down.

"Good morning Simon" She greeted him with a huge smile on her face only inches away from him.

"Go-good morning Liz" Simon is clearly glowing red. He tries to move inches away Liz's space. Although Liz closes that space and gets closer to Simon.

"What are you doing?" Simon's flustered question to Liz.

"Why are you moving away from me?" Liz's honest curiosity.

"I don't know... maybe it's something about personal space." Simon says that in a joking manner.

"So you don't like me anymore?" She pouts and looks away from Simon.

"N-no it's not like that I mean I do like you, b-but just as a friend, I-i mean for now at least, n-not saying that we can be together, j-just saying that there might be a chance, I-i'm not saying that you're not pretty I mean you're beautiful..." This goes on for quite some time and Liz just simply giggles at Simon.

"Can you two get a room?" Said by a chilling voice from the seat in front of Simon. It was Sebastian Luke Fer. He is Simon's best friend, he's very pale and very thin, he's hair is long enough to have bangs covering he's left eye. He's wearing a plain back long sleeved shirt. He is half German, at least that's what he tells people, he doesn't share a lot of personal information with people not even with Simon. Nevertheless Simon still trusts him because they've been best friends ever since they were little.

"Shut up Sebastian!" He says this while he's flustered.

"Whatever." Sebastian says this while smirking.

Liz did nothing other than just laugh at the two while they're arguing. Simon trying to reason out again this time to Sebastian, while Sebastian is still calm and collected and just kept on teasing Simon.

The teacher finally entered the classroom and instructed the students to sit properly and quit talking with one another. Everyone followed and class started. It was an agonizing hour of Math class. All of the students were waiting for the bell to ring and for this class to be over. Hours and multiple classes have passed and it's finally lunch time.

The group went to the cafeteria and ordered their usual go to foods. Simon ordered rice with some gravy and chicken, Liz ordered a salad, Sebastian just ordered yogurt, Rob ordered a cold pizza, Rina and Vina brought their home cooked foods that looks a lot like a five star meal, and Vicky also ordered a salad. They were just talking about random stuff until Liz asked Simon a question.

"So Simon any plans for tomorrow?"

"Nothing really. Why whats happening tomorrow?"

"Ha ha ha very funny... Wait are you for real you actually forgot your birthday?"

Simon was stunned, he did actually forget that it was his birth day tomorrow. Everyone except Vicky who is still eating, stared at him intently also shocked by the fact.

"I must've just forgotten, you guys wanna hangout tomorrow?" Simon awkwardly scratches the back of his head and smiles at his friends.

"Sure how about at your place?" Vina asks.

"Oh I really missed your cooking, are you going to cook?" Rina asks.

"I don't see why not, tomorrow I'll buy ingredients after school" Simon proclaims.

"I'll come with you." Sebastian added.

"I'll only come if Liz comes." Said Vicky.

"Of course I will." Said Liz.

"Then it's settled then party at Simon's house tomorrow" Rob says this while still chewing on some pizza.

After lunch they all went back to class. The bell rang telling everyone that school's over and that they can all go home. Everyone said their good byes and went their separate ways. Simon and Sebastian walk the same way going home and so they always walk together.

"I can't believe you actually forgot it was your birthday tomorrow?" Sebastian looks concerned.

"Yeah me too if Liz didn't remind me I still wouldn't have remembered."

"Speaking of Liz what happened to the plan of you telling her how you felt about her?" Sebastian stated teasingly.

"I-i forgot okay!" Again Simon is flustered.

"You're too obvious, when you're around her you revert back to being a child, I'm still surprised she hasn't figured it out yet."

"Oh shut up." Simon smiles, he likes these small chats with Sebastian.

Finally an intersection separates the two boys apart. Sebastian going to the left, while Simon continues forward. They fist bumped each other and went their separate ways.

It was already night and it's completely dark outside. Soon as Simon comes home he's father was no where in sight. Simon just assumes that he's in a bar drinking like usual. Simon took two pieces of bread from the refrigerator and spreads some chocolate Nutella on it, this is considered a dinner for Simon. He walks up stairs to his bedroom, drops his bag and he lies down flat, he opened his phone to look at some new messages. Mostly all of the messages were from his friends greeting him an advanced happy birthday, they also said that they are excited for tomorrow. Simon felt a little pressured but at the same time excited it's been a couple of months since the last time he cooked for his friends. The thought gave Simon a huge smile thinking that he was lucky to have friends like these. Simon took a fresh pair of pajamas and slept through the night.

It was raining, the side walk is wet. A group of people were standing around in front of an apartment complex. On the second floor a door with the numbers 206 is visible. Simon goes closer to the group of people huddled over. He pushes his way through the crowd. A dead body was clearly laying there, a woman wearing a red dress laying on the floor with a pool of blood. An odd looking violet flower was growing from the corpse chest still in bloom. Simon knelt down to take a closer look, until suddenly the corpse stood back up and choke Simon, she opened her eyes but those very eyes were absent only two deep holes can be seen, both crying and gushing out blood. The corpse spoke in a deep and yet chilling manner.

"Smell the pretty flowers"

Simon was struggling he didn't know what to do he was overpowered by this corpse until it snapped his neck and it made a sharp cracking sound.

Simon woke up screaming, he was sweating and breathing heavily. He looked at the time in his alarm clock indicating that it is 12:00 a.m. It's his birthday. He covers his eyes and rubs it vigorously. He lies back in bed staring at the ceiling.

"What was all that about?"

The Last Jedi

Here we go. The most controversial Star Wars movie ever (unless Rise of Skywalker has reviews that are just as mixed. I haven’t read any so I don’t know how it’s been received yet.) I actually really really enjoyed the Last Jedi, but I haven’t rewatched it since I saw it in theaters.

Also, unrelated, but literally just a few hours ago I met Oscar Isaac. I was doing a caroling event where I work, and he came by with his son to watch. During one of our breaks, he asked if his son could try the microphone and he held him up so he could whisper and sing stuff into the mic. It was adorable.

I seemed to be the only person who recognized who he was, though one of my co-workers said he had thought so too but he wasn’t sure until I confirmed it. So I went up to Oscar and said hi, asked if he was Oscar Isaac, shook his hand, and thanked him for coming. He says that it was great and that his son loves to sing.

I always joked that I’d bump into Oscar one day since he lives in Brooklyn, but I didn’t think it’d actually happen. And not while I’m wearing a Star Wars shirt and Star Wars socks (which he obviously couldn’t see since I was bundled up in a coat and a scarf and boots but whatever). And definitely not the day before I’m supposed to see the Rise of Skywalker.

I’m still freaking out oh my god. Ok. Time to rewatch the Last Jedi.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... This was the first Star Wars movie I’d seen in theaters in like 12 years at this point. Seeing those words on a giant screen again was amazing. “Certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight.” I love that line. I love any and all comparisons of Luke to hope. Yes I am biased. But also, restoring the spark is exactly he does in the end so yes, I love it. It’s just now hitting me that we’re picking up exactly where we left off. Having 1 night between the two movies is every different than having 2 years. ...Was that whatsherface from Game of Thrones, Catelyn’s creepy sister? (IMDB says yes) *BB8 beeps* “Happy beats here buddy, come on.” BB8 sort of said the thing! Also, OH MY GOD I JUST MET OSCAR ISAAC AND NOW HERE HE IS ON MY SCREEN WHAT THE HELL. Was today even real? Oh General Hugs. “Skinny guy. Kinda pasty.” Knowing Oscar and Domnhall are friends makes this better. Oh BB8. Very honorable of Billie Lourd’s Lieutenant Connix to make sure she’s in the last ship leaving the base so everyone else leaves before her. I forgot about the chain reaction of bombs destroying their own Resistance ships... You know, Paige dying while dropping the last of the bombs was already emotional. Rewatching it after you know she’s Rose’s sister makes it worse. First Binary Sunset of the movie. General Hugs has a very good upset face that makes me not feel bad for him at all. More like I want to punch him. Snoke can use the Force across the galaxy... forgot about that. I realized I didn’t mention this in the last one, but I remember the crew complaining that when they filmed the end of Force Awakens it was a cloudy day, but then when they went back to the island for TLJ it was super sunny. And now that it’s been pointed out, I noticed it immediately. Luke throwing the lightsaber. I can’t remember if I was spoiled for this but I feel like when I watched it, I wasn’t that thrown off by it. Something else I didn’t mention at the end of Force Awakens is that I LOVE this set. The stone houses are amazing. Oh porgs. Also, that porg looking into the lightsaber always gives me anxiety. The first words we hear Luke say in 40 years are an annoyed “Go away.” which at least is less whiney than the Tosche Station. Oh Chewie’s like “DUDE. WE NEED YOU.” “Wait... where’s Han?” Awww. Throwing in a little Vader’s theme in there. More temper tantrums. People getting mad at Luke calling a lightsaber a laser sword (in a purposefully mocking way) even though George Lucas himself called them that in some interviews. Yes, it’s not a laser sword, but Luke is trying to show how ridiculous he thinks the idea of him taking down everything is by calling a lightsaber that. I remember being like “Luke... no let’s not just milk that thing... oh ew” I do love the shot of Luke using the giant stick to cross to the other cliff and kill the fish. God that’s a steep hill. “No one’s from nowhere.” “Jakku.” “Alright that is pretty much nowhere.” That’s funny. “It’s time for the Jedi to end.” Remember when that line in the trailer made the fandom literally break down? I love knowing that behind the scenes, Carrie had to slap Oscar a billion times. Also, I do not blame Leia at all. So many people were mad about Leia and Holdo demoting Poe, but Poe was too fearless in that moment. Yes, he destroyed the ship and it worked out, but they lost so many people and they already didn’t have many to begin with. It was worth it, but at a very high cost. So I don’t blame her. Heyyyyyy it’s that girl from that Black Mirror episode and what was that other show? Chewing Gum or something? (IMDB says yes it’s Michaela Coel) See and Poe’s already learning a little by asking permission. Of course... later on he doesn’t ask permission... but whatever. Leia’s Theme... causing me pain. Oh, Kylo didn’t kill his mom. We’re supposed to be happy about that? The bar is on the ground. The utter horror I felt the first time the control room was destroyed and Leia was pulled into space. Oh I love the moment when Leia flies in. Because I’d heard that in the books and comics, we get to explore Leia’s Force abilities and stuff but we don’t get it in the movies besides “I feel that Luke’s in trouble.” Which sucks, because she is the “other” if Luke didn’t work out, so she’s just as strong as Luke if she got trained. They should have just trained both kids honestly, why did they pick the boy? Not saying Obi-Wan and Yoda are sexist... but they’re probably sexist. Also, foreshadowing. I actually noticed the hologram of the ship and Leia flying through this time. Oh Chewie. I like the porg that literally has his jaw dropped in horror. Knowing now that the dice were kind of a symbol of Kira (was that Emilia Clarke’s character?) and Han’s relationship makes me not like them as much. Still, cute throwback that they’re still on the Falcon. We can just ignore they weren’t there in Force Awakens (I kept an eye out and didn’t see them) The way Luke laughed when he said “R2!” I just... my heart. “Nothing can make me change my mind” *R2 plays the Leia hologram* I literally just went “AWWWW” out loud because I forgot that that’s why R2 started playing it. Oh my heart. That hurt the first time. Luke standing over Rey, but offering to help her. Parallels. Oh Admiral Ackbar. I love Holdo’s dress. I love the draping. Someone teach me how to make it. “Thank you for making me aware.” Yeah Poe, she already knows. Stop mansplaining. This is literally a case of mansplaining, why would Poe think he’d have to explain to a commander that there’s no fuel? Yeah it’s a little harsh, but is Holdo wrong? All of these fanboys complain about Canto Bight, but forget that it was Poe’s idea. Then they go and say Holdo was too mean should have put Poe in charge. Guys. Poe’s impulsive. We love him, but he’s the ultimate Gryffindor with no fear and will just do anything without considering consequences. I do wish Holdo had been more open like “I have a plan. You don’t need to know all the parts of it. Just let me do what I need to, ok?” instead of “Just follow my orders.” but still. Oh poor Rose. “Doing talking....” Oh she’s so cute. “I’ve had to stun 3 people trying to use this escape pod.” We love a girl who can fight. Yeah. Once again. Not mad at Rose. Finn does have some selfish tendencies, he’s well meaning but ultimately selfish (or at least, only thinking of Rey). So I do not blame Rose for stunning him.

And now I will take a nap since I have to go to a show tonight. And then I will finish the last 3/4-ish of the movie when I get home later.

Annnnd I’m back!

See. Rose has good reason to be mad at deserters. Ok so it wasn’t Poe’s idea to go to the Star Destroyer it was Finn’s. I will give him that. But still Poe went along with it. “That... wasn’t exactly my...” Oh 3PO. I wish Maz had had a bigger scene. More Lupita please. I have one question: from what angle is this hologram filmed? And how does the camera follow her? I guess it’s multiple hologram cameras, but still, it followed her as she rolled and ran around. Also, did Finn call Maz or did Poe call her? Because as far as we know, only Finn knows her. It seemed like they both had the idea to call her, but that Poe had it first. Did Finn tell Poe about Maz? I’m glad they showed Finn handing Poe the binary tracker thing, since for a second I was like “What if Rey had popped up next to Finn on the Star Destroyer?” I’m glad Rey’s first instinct is to shoot Kylo. “Can you see my surroundings?” “You’re gonna pay for what you did.” “I can’t see yours.” Why do I remember that line so vividly? Why does it make me feel so unsettled? Rey, my sweet Rey, I wish you had just told Luke that you saw Kylo. I love Luke’s explanation of the Force. And him messing with Rey was funny. I love when Rey’s reaching out and feeling life, death, peace, violence, etc. And I love Luke saying the Force doesn’t belong to the Jedi, because it doesn’t. The Jedi failed years ago. “You didn’t even try to stop yourself.” Luke’s horrified. But also, Rey’s just like an extreme version of Luke. Yoda knew that Luke’s emotions could make him vulnerable to the dark side, Rey’s already vulnerable. Yeah, I don’t blame Luke for being scared of Rey after he feels like this is Ben all over again. Oh my god. I love the porg that has a metal piece over its head. That actually made me laugh out loud. Poor Chewie.

I just had to refresh tumblr because my draft wasn’t saving. It brought me back to my dashboard. Where there was a spoiler for the new movie and it wasn’t tagged. PLEASE tag your spoilers people.

The water hitting Kylo still confuses me. Say what you will about the Canto Bight plot... the costumes are AMAZING. The costumes literally make the whole side plot worth it to me. Literally I was just in awe by all the costumes during every single scene. And the set! The set’s fantastic too! I literally just paused every single second to take in all of the costumes. Do I care if the Canto Bight trip ended up pointless? Nope! Because it gave me some of Star Wars’ best costumes. Oh... to be an extra in the Canto Bight scene... Just show up... And put on a beautiful outfit... And do nothing else but pretend to drink, talk, and gamble... That’s the dream. Oh hi Mark Hamill! That was cute that they let him voice that little thing. I remember noticing the thing and being like “...is he important?” and nope, it’s just Mark doing an extra voice. Oh I love the Fathiers. Aww and it’s the little Force sensitive boy. I have thoughts about that kid that I can get into later. The way BB8 jingles with the coins. I love it.

Rey: *Does a move with her stick* Rey: *Does the same exact move with the lightsaber* Fanboys: She’s too good too fast! Mary Sue!

As I said throughout all of the Force Awakens, she’s just applying the skills she already had. If anything, a lightsaber’s easier since it’s half the length and she doesn’t have to worry about the back of it hitting her. LOL, remember when we thought this shot was an epic shot of Luke training her? Good times. Oh that poor fish nun. Everything Luke says about the Jedi is true (also did I not say they failed earlier in the post? Luke agrees with me). Rey’s right that a Jedi got Ani to come back from the dark side, but the Jedi’s system enabled him to turn in the first place. Soooooo yeah. Oh Luke. Don’t blame yourself. Kylo was already basically gone. Sure, seeing his uncle standing over him with a lightsaber definitely didn’t help... but it’s not the only thing that made him turn. Who is this captain of the medical ship? He looks familiar. (IMDB says he’s Danny Sapani. I probably recognized him from the Crown) Oh BB8. Finn, did you learn nothing from Rey? Put the cover back on the vent! Awww the Fathiers have such sad eyes... I love the Resistance ring. Can I buy one? Ok. The shot of the bubble egg lady singing felt like it was much longer the first time, but it’s really only a split second. I. LOVE. THE. CANTO. BIGHT. SET. I know it’s a real town in like Italy or somewhere near the Mediterranean. I want to go. I love it. I love that the first thing Luke does when he decides to use the Force again is to seek out Leia. Oh poor Adam became a meme after this. He just has a very wide and bulky body, ok? God Luke looks so scary in Kylo’s flashback. “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.” That reflection scene is so visually stunning. So in a way, it’s like Luke is failing Rey like he failed Ben. He’s not helping her in the way she needs, so she’s being lured by the dark side instead. I love the walls falling around Luke. “Did you do it? Did you create Kylo Ren?” Rey, he already told you earlier that he believes it’s his fault, so the answer from him is yes. I can’t remember if we hear this story of Luke and Kylo one more time after this or not. “Then he’s our last hope.” Ok ew. No. Kylo is not allowed to be compared to hope. Only Luke, Leia, or Obi-Wan can be. Oh for a second I thought that torch was a lightsaber. YODA!!!!! I think I had been spoiled for Yoda showing up. It was definitely still exciting though. “The sacred Jedi texts!” Oh Luke. Oh memes. Not as whiney as I remembered. “But that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess.” Because Yoda knows she stole the books. Oh Yoda. I love Yoda. Oh Rose. Ok, so I will give it to Poe that at this moment it doesn’t seem like Holdo has a good plan. Abandoning ship isn’t necessarily cowardly, but on the surface it does seem like it puts them in more danger. Literally earlier today I watched a video about the layout of the Millennium Falcon, and the escape pods were mentioned. And I thought to myself, wow that must be something from the novels since we’ve definitely never seen that in the movies. Welp... I was wrong... Rey’s in one now. I was about to be like “Do they not care that an escape pod just docked?” before I saw Kylo. LOL the iron coming down like a ship. I feel like I remember being completely terrified when Rey stepped in front of Snoke. Oh BB8. Bumping into stuff. I remember being super relieved that DJ (has he told us this is his name yet? I can’t remember) gave back the medallion. Captain Phasma! Hey girl hey! Leia shooting Poe is still funny to me. Also Lieutenant Billie Connix is smart.  I love the scene of Holdo and Leia saying goodbye. Also, Holdo’s purple hair with her bright blue eyes is super striking. Good choice. Snoke puts down the lightsaber. Unknowingly sealing his fate. Literally when Snoke reveals he connected their minds, I was like OF COURSE. Because the whole time I’m like neither of them are strong enough to do this. “She was more interested in protecting the light than she was seeming like a hero.” See. And that’s the flaw in both Poe and Finn. And Rey to an extent. They’re thinking about the big picture, but in context of smaller things like seeming like a hero, saving Rey, saving Kylo, etc. But Holdo’s thinking of only the big picture. I knew DJ betrayed them, I just forgot how badly.

And here’s another annoyance (which I was sorta trying to touch on earlier). Everyone hates the Canto Bight plot, yet they complain about Holdo trying to take charge. If Poe just let Holdo take charge and ignored Finn and Rose’s idea, then her plan would have been a complete success. No Canto Bight, no DJ to betray them, all the transports make it to Crait unnoticed, and the First Order eventually destroys a ship that’s empty except for Holdo. They complain about Holdo, but don’t think about the fact that Holdo could have prevented another plot they hated if the main characters had just listened to her.

And then Snoke hits Rey and literally puts the lightsaber back to where it will kill him. Ok literally I just misread a caption that said “Lord Vader” as “Lord Voldemort” and I was very confused. Taking a second to say that I love this set of Snoke’s throne room. Been thinking it forever, but Kylo picking up the lightsaber off the ground and seeing the reflection in the smooth red floor is amazing. Kylo igniting the lightsaber through Snoke is amazing. Also, I typed “Ben igniting” before literally freezing for a second and being like “...ok that’s a lot to unpack” I guess when he does something good my brain thinks of him as Ben instead of Kylo. ALSO, arm #16 and #17, I love that Snoke’s arms were cut off too in true Star Wars fashion. And I am VERY excited to see this fight scene again. I told myself not to pause at all during the Kylo and Rey team up fight, but I paused literally a second into it because Binary Sunset yes.

And my idiot brother and my mom are texting in the family group chat so it’s popping up on my screen throughout this scene. Ugh.

All of these red knight weapons are so cool. And I forgot about the one that gets chopped up... Oh my god one is a sword that transforms into a whip. LOVE. IT. And I love the quick lightsaber ignite through the head. Love it. Woah how is there still 44 minutes? I remember this battle being much closer to the end. I was wondering when the red walls went away, but I rewinded and saw that they had been slowly burning away after Rey made something hit them. Nice touch.

Ugh my brother and mom will not stop texting.

“You have no place in this story.” Wow Kylo, harsh. Oh shoot I forgot about the lightsaber breaking until they started their Force tug of war with it. I’d always wondered what would happen if someone lightsped through something... I want to say that I realized what she was doing before they told us, but now I realize that they basically told us what she would do when the First Order guy said “they’re preparing to hyperspeed.” so I guess I just caught on to the obvious hints.

God that moment still gives me chills. The silence. The way it sort of goes black and white. The multiple angles. So good.

I know for a fact that I spent the rest of the movie from this point on with my hands over my mouth in a constant stake of shock/fear/anxiety. Oh BB8. Some people thought this was ridiculous. But I had just spent the last few months rewatching the prequels before seeing this, and compared to the stuff R2 does, BB8 clumsily controlling a walker is nothing. Oh how I love Gwendoline Christie. I FORGOT THAT WE SAW HER EYE IN THE MASK. I hope Phasma survived. She’s so awesome. Ok my quality is like horrendous right now so I’m gonna refresh. LOL I FORGOT ABOUT GENERAL HUGS NEARLY ATTEMPTING TO KILL KYLO. Oh I forgot how much I love Crait as a set location. OH AND THE ICE DOG THINGS! LOVE THEM! Poe petting BB8 when he comes back kills me. I like those space age two person laptops. “People believe in Leia.” *Binary Sunset plays* My heart. Ok for a second I was like “This first person camera is like a war movie” and then it turns and we see the trench and I’m like “...ok... ok fine but that was very literal.” The red footsteps. Just... guys this set is so AMAZING. Ugh, these red streaks of dust behind them are so amazing. And when Finn passes in front of the camera, it gets covered in the dust and blurs part of the lens. Just like the Rathtar goo in the Force Awakens. I wonder if that’s going to be like... the thing of the sequels. One shot that has the camera lens partially covered by something. Also, I just wasted time trying to figure out if there’s an official name for that or not... oh well. The winding stripes left behind as they weave around... just... amazing. YEAH! GO CHEWIE! GO REY! Oh my god I forgot about the porg roaring. “Oh, they HATE that ship!” I’M DEAD. Look at the salt and how it forms the crystals in the trench. I love it. I FORGOT ABOUT THIS SHOT OF THE CAVE FULL OF THE RED SALT. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I remember when the trailer had the first shot of the gorilla walkers, and I didn’t notice at first that there were normal AT-ATs next to them, and then I realized these things were twice as big as AT-ATs and I was horrified. See, and now Poe has learned that you can’t always be a hero and is making a good decision. I forgot about Finn’s speeder literally melting as he gets closer. I don’t understand the people who were mad that Rose stopped Finn. I for one was HORRIFIED at just the thought of Finn dying this way and thankful she stopped him. “That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” The kiss is pointless but I love the line and sentiment behind it. Oh god. Ok. Here come the emotions. Binary Sunset is playing. I was a wreck. And a little of Han and Leia’s Love Theme as she sees the dice. I remember actually noticing that in the theaters and half-sobbing. Oh god the forehead kiss. Oh and he winks at 3PO as he walks by. My heart. This is the specific shot of the gorilla walkers and the AT-ATs in a line that freaked me out. That shot of Luke standing up against all the First Order walkers and ships. Amazing. That shoulder brush though. Kylo’s so dumb, he literally just watched that lightsaber get destroyed, he HELPED destroy it. He should have known something was up, it couldn’t have been repaired that quickly. Purposeful shot of Luke’s feet not moving the salt. That Matrix back bend though. “I will have killed the last Jedi.” He said the title. Also, is that the only time it’s said? Because they say it a lot in Force Awakens but I don’t think so yet in this movie.. “And I will not be the last Jedi.” Ok so now it’s said again by Luke. Purposeful shot of Kylo’s shoe leaving a footprint as he runs to Luke. I’m pretty sure I probably shrieked when he tried to slice Luke in half.

I just now remembered that I’d actually kind of wondered if he’d be a Force projection or something when he first showed up. Because I’d just watched Return of the Jedi like a week earlier and saw Obi-Wan do it, so I wondered if Luke was doing it too. Especially when Poe said Luke was distracting the First Order. It passed my mind and was confirmed when Kylo couldn’t hit him. And here’s where I started to feel like my world was crumbling...

Oh god. My eyes are wet. It hurts. But when I watched it the first time, I really felt like my world was absolutely falling a part and ending forever while I watched Luke die. With the stupid binary sunset in front of him just like when he was a teenager and when he was a baby. One of the first things he ever saw was the binary sunset. I was like “This is beautiful, but that doesn’t mean I’m not completely in pain and dying.” That shot from above of Kylo with the stormtroopers, mirroring a shot from the prequels of Ani. Nice. So do they still have that connection even if Snoke’s dead?

HEY! Hey. Those dice were still visible to Kylo even after Luke was dead... was Leia Force projecting them to Kylo? It wouldn’t take as much work as doing it to everyone else at once from lightyears away. One person, your son, would be easier. So maybe... maybe Leia’s the one continuing the projection of the dice. I’m gonna stick with that theory thanks.

Awww BB8 asked Rey about his antenna, just like when they first met. Remember when people were like “Are Poe and Rey gonna be a thing?!?!?” and of course I’d much prefer that over Reylo thanks. The books! Somehow, that obvious shot of the books goes over so many people’s heads. So many complaints about the books getting burned, when they literally show us that Rey saved them. I had never noticed the bunks in the Millennium Falcon either until I saw that video earlier, and I’m glad I got to actually see one in use since Rose is sleeping in one.

Oh GOD the entirety of the Resistance can fit on the Millennium Falcon... that is NOT good.

I LOVE the scene of the kids retelling the story of Luke. I must have already gone in depth about this 2 years ago, but I love it. Luke became a legend in the end. He didn’t necessarily want to be one, but he’s become one. It was exactly what was in the opening scroll, he restored the spark of hope. That subtle use of the Force by that little boy. With Binary Sunset playing. And I love that last shot of him holding the broom up like a lightsaber.

I nearly forgot that they put in “In loving memory of our princess, Carrie Fisher” at the end. That’s what got me to finally cry. 40 straight minutes of covering my mouth in anxiety, then feeling like my world was crashing down around me as Luke died. Having it dedicated to Carrie made me just start sobbing so hard. Watch that happen again tomorrow.

I remember when I left the theater, at first I was like “What if the boys is Rey’s brother?!” but then... I realized that a huge point of the movie went over my head for a second there.

The fandom got so caught up in figuring out who Rey’s parents are, whether it’s Obi-Wan or Luke or Leia or even Palpatine, that they were mad when Kylo said they were no one. But like... guys... not every single Force user is related to the Skywalkers or anyone else we already know. There were hundreds of Jedi in the prequels, because anyone can be Force sensitive. Obi-Wan’s parents were nobody, Qui-Gon’s parents were nobody, Mace’s parents were nobody. They didn’t come from long lines of Force users (at least in movie lore), BECAUSE THE JEDI WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO HAVE KIDS. The Skywalkers aren’t even a long line, it’s just 3 generations at this point. So literally none of the Jedi of the past came from powerful Force users (or at least from ones who got the chance to become Jedi) since that literally goes against the code.

Luke found at least 11 other Force sensitive kids to train alongside Ben, their parents were all definitely nobodies since he’s the last Jedi. Ben is an anomaly, Luke and Leia are anomalies, the Jedi don’t have kids! The fandom got so caught up in figuring out who Rey could be related to, that they forgot that for millennia the individual Jedi were not related to anyone.

Anyone can be Force sensitive. Anyone can be a Jedi. Rey is an example of that. That little boy is an example of that. That’s why I love that the little Force sensitive boy was the final shot of the movie. He was meant to reassure and remind us after the Rey parentage reveal that anyone can end up Force sensitive. They don’t need a famous/powerful parent. They can come from anywhere and be anyone. And I love that that’s the final note of this movie.

Some people were not reassured. Some people couldn’t handle the idea that Rey’s powerful just because she’s Rey, not because she’s someone’s daughter. She HAS to be related to someone to be that powerful, right? But every Jedi before her who was just as powerful wasn’t related to anyone, so why does she have to be?

ANYWAY! I was actually worried over the last 2 years that I’d rewatch The Last Jedi and not like it as much as I did in theaters. I still like it a lot. Even the Canto Bight scenes get redeemed by the costumes and the set being so amazing. But I love the message of don’t be a hero, this is bigger than just you. And I love the message that even if you’re “nobody” from “nowhere” you could still be Force Sensitive and you could still be a Jedi. I love Luke’s send off, I love that he does end up reigniting the spark and being a beam of hope again. I love it.

And I’m excited to see the Rise of Skywalker tomorrow.

Daredevil 101: The King of Hell’s Kitchen

And we’re back! Last time, Matt beat the crap out of Fisk, unmasked in Josie’s, and declared himself the new Kingpin. We pick up a year later, with Ben explaining to an unseen companion at a diner just what’s been going on for the past twelve months. This is gonna be a long one, guys, sorry. (Bendis/Maleev, DD v2 #56-60.)

[Content Warning: There is a passing reference to Squirrel Hill, as in the Pittsburgh neighborhood - no connection to the recent tragedy there, as this comic is about 15 years old. I just didn’t want anyone blindsided.]

Basically, despite Matt unmasking in front of a room full of criminals, everyone is too terrified of him to actually admit that they saw his face, which means that he’s been able to keep up the double life game, even though fewer people than ever believe he’s not Daredevil anymore. This is all stuff Ben has gathered through hearsay, since Matt told him to stay away for his own protection and they haven’t spoken directly since before Josie’s.

Matt even had time to grow a horrible goatee!

It’s SO BAD, MATTHEW, WHY.

He also won his lawsuit against that one tabloid, meaning that currently, in the eyes of the court, Matt Murdock is not Daredevil. He donated the enormous amount of money he won to neighborhood charities. Please note this line: “See, Matt’s new girlfriend, Milla Donovan, actually works at the Hell’s Kitchen housing commission.” Just hold onto that for a minute.

Matt’s so popular, in fact, he’s approached to run for mayor!

“I am dizzy from you.” Wow, Franklin. WOW.

Not everyone is happy with Matt’s recent choices, though, as evidenced by an intervention from some of the local superheroes:

Do you think Luke got all the way to that fourth panel before realizing he was the only one here without an alliterative name and felt suddenly self-conscious? Do you think he had a split second of “Should I try to go by Carl Cage just for right now? Could I pull it off?”

Anyway one of the things I really love about Maleev’s art is the specificity of his...well, either photo referencing or just drawing from life. I could take you to the exact spot they’re standing in Bryant Park. (It’s a logical meeting place for this group, too, since it’s centrally located and walking distance from - but not inside - Hell’s Kitchen.)

Anyway, the others are pissed because Matt saying “Get out of Hell’s Kitchen!” to criminals just...made them do crime above 59th Street and below 34th, which was a pretty foregone conclusion. Matt’s unsympathetic:

Who wants to tell Matt that Hell’s Kitchen, Harlem, and the Village are all in Manhattan and his little plan here doesn’t make sense? Like, Matt and Luke covering neighborhoods while the other three, who can travel further and faster, cover the city as a whole, does make sense, but also “go do crime over there” doesn’t stop crime. As Peter points out, while wearing a very strange facial expression.

But Matt ignores the warnings, and ignores the growing tension in Hell’s Kitchen, and then, just a few days before Ben’s telling this story, he and Milla are attacked by like a hundred Yakuza assassins. He sends Milla running for safety...and hasn’t been seen since. And that’s all Ben knows.

And that’s when we see who he’s been talking to:

I want to clarify that Ben’s explanation of the past year of events has taken two full issues. That’s like five bucks worth of comics that is Ben mansplaining Milla’s own recent history to her, including explaining to her what her job is. They should have killed 616 Ben instead, Jesus.

Also, Milla and Matt are married! Hey, how about that?! She goes on to explain to a stunned Ben (who, I guess, didn’t ask her any questions before he started talking for two entire months holy shit Ben what is wrong with you) that they got married about four months ago, and we later learn that Milla’s the one who proposed. So she proposed to a man she’d known for eight months, who is...sort of a crime boss? An anti-crime boss? Anyway, keep that in your pocket for a bit.

(I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about these two issues. Anyone who wants to hear me rant about decompression, the ask box is open.)

Uh, Milla, that’s not a compliment. You want Matt to be in love with you as a human being, not the abstract concept of you as a conglomeration of eight million people and island real estate.

Anyway, Matt told Milla that if anything went wrong, she should contact Ben. She and Ben are both baffled by this, so Ben goes to see the actual person most likely to know where Matt is:

Take the money and just make shit up, Fogy! Anyway my poor beautiful tired boy has no idea where Matt is, and is also rather wounded that Matt had a contingency plan in place for Milla but a) not for Foggy and b) didn’t tell Foggy about it. Especially since the Yakuza are out in full force and Foggy has been sleeping in his office because he can’t safely leave it.

My heart. Foggy has never really gotten to grieve on page for Karen, given that he was in jail for her funeral, but he knew her as long as Matt did (technically slightly longer) and he loved her too.

Ben tracks Matt to the Night Nurse (who, remember, is not Claire Temple in the comics) and floats a new theory by him:

I’m very sorry Matt but i can’t take you seriously with that facial hair.

Matt stops crying long enough to deny it, but by now Ben knows he’s right:

I’m...pretty sure this is the first time someone has seriously said: “Matt, your behaviors are unhealthy and I’m concerned about your mental health.” And, like, itemized them (including explicitly saying that flaking on Foggy and leaving him in these crisis situations is cruel!). People have said “you’re crazy” or “you’re being a jerk” but it’s always been said in anger. This is uncompromising but compassionate. This is “a terrible thing happened to you and I know that you’re still in pain.” No wonder Matt cries.

And Matt’s not the only one who’s listening:

Wow, Foggy has a good memory. And the face of a man who is contextualizing the past few years of his life and doesn’t like what he sees.

(A+ for the frazzle of of hat hair, Maleev.)

Matt goes to a safehouse. Foggy goes...somewhere undetermined. A spa? Everyone gets naked:

No, seriously, I have no idea why everyone needed to be SO NAKED in this scene (although I’m not complaining). Anyway please enjoy FOGGY’S TATTOO (WHAT???) and also Matt calling him both “Franklin” and “good boy” in a single page.

If you want to, like, read the actual words and pay attention to plot, I GUESS, Matt promises to deal with the Yakuza situation. Foggy’s still not happy:

YES I HAD TO INCLUDE THIS DOUBLE PAGE SPREAD, IT’S IMPORTANT. Text if you can’t embiggen:

Matt: Are you breaking up with me?

Foggy: I don’t think you’ll let me.

Matt: I need you, Foggy. I’ll fix this. I’ll make it right.

Foggy: Yeah, okay. So just do what you have to do.

Matt: I need you to bring me something to wear.

Foggy: Something red?

Matt: It’s red?

Foggy: What?

Matt: I thought it was yellow.

Foggy: ...Are you serious?

Matt: No.

Foggy: That was pretty funny.

IT IS A VERY GOOD AND IMPORTANT EXCHANGE and it is only slightly marred by Milla draped in silent nakedness over Matt the whole time because...of reasons? Ugh.

Matt goes to get backup and finds himself being dragged for like the third time in 24 hours:

Haha! Pregnant women! So hysterical about being lied to by their friends and employers who they are risking their lives for! Hormones, fellas, amirite???! LOL.

(Seriously, fuck this shit.)

Anyway. Main Yakuza Dude Whose Name I Forget is still pretty confident about moving on Hell’s Kitchen now that Matt’s out of the picture:

Oh man, sorry about your life, Main Yakuza Dude!

“Are you guys sure you want me to do this pose? It feels more ‘boy band’ than ‘badass.’“

“Yeah, Luke, definitely!"

“Yeah? I don’t know, I kind of feel like...”

“No, dude, it works, it looks totally cool, I promise!”

They beat up the Yakuza. Meanwhile, Foggy joins Milla at the safehouse:

Why is Milla still in her underwear???????????????? #cancelmen

When Matt returns to the safehouse after defeating the Yakuza, Foggy is gone, and Milla is finally dressed...and very unhappy. She tells him what Foggy told her:

Here are the things that jump out at me about this page:

1. Milla says “this Karen Page person,” which implies that she has rarely or never heard Karen mentioned before. Considering that Matt (and Foggy!) knew Karen for, as Ben pointed out, almost all of his adult life, and that she was intrinsically tied not just to Matt (and Foggy!) but Daredevil and Nelson and Murdock, this is stunning. How do you spend a year with your wife and almost never mention someone you were intimately close to for at least a decade? I know Matt is secretive by nature, but this makes me think that Matt and Milla essentially never had any real or deep communication. Which, honestly, checks out.

2. We don’t see the conversation between Milla and Foggy. Theoretically, he could have said “LOLOLOL MATT NEVER LOVED YOU HE STILL LOVES MY DEAD FRIEND SUCK IT” but that seems...out of character, to say the least. I suspect, given how confused and distressed Milla is, that he said something more like “I think the reason Matt is acting like this is because he is still processing his trauma over the death of someone he loved very much.” Which shouldn’t be a surprise to Milla, considering that one of the very first things Matt told her was “Two women I loved have been murdered.” But apparently this is a great betrayal somehow??? Because:

And this is why I just can’t with Milla. So much of what doesn’t work with her character, like the thin personality and the helplessness and the fact that she’s IN HER UNDERWEAR ALL THE TIME FOR NO REASON, is because of sexist writing and drawing, and I’m not laying that at her feet. And I’ll be the first person to declare that Matt Murdock is a shitty boyfriend/partner and has been to literally every single woman he’s dated.

But the compassionate response to “the person I love is having a nervous breakdown because he lost someone he cared about” is not to scream “SHUT UP!!!” and accuse him of lying. I’m not married but I’m preeeeeetty sure the vows don’t include “I swear that I definitely never loved anyone else and if I did, I don’t love them anymore.” Matt broke no promises here (for once!) and, as I’ve said before, Milla went on two highly dangerous dates with Matt Murdock and then he declared himself Kingpin and then she proposed. She had all the evidence she needed that life with Matt is dangerous, bizarre, and full of ethical pitfalls and the ghosts of murdered girlfriends, and as an educated, intelligent adult woman in charge of her own business, she decided to sign up. This one is absolutely not on Matt and it pisses me off that it’s treated like it is.

Anyway. *breathes*

Next up: Black Widow returns!

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New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/05/05/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-5517/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 5/5/17

In TV news, we got the first trailer for Marvel’s The Defenders series on Netflix. I dunno, y’all. I’ll be the first person to tell you that I’m behind on these shows. At this point, I’ve only seen Daredevil season 1 and Jessica Jones. No DD S2, no Luke Cage, and no Iron Fist. Sorry, kids, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Daredevil was a worthy bingeing experience, as each episode ended on a cliffhanger that MADE you have to check out the next episode immediately. Jessica Jones, not so much. It took me about 3 months to get through that show. Now, I enjoyed it, but it didn’t demand that I consume it immediately. I’m eager to catch Luke Cage, but I wanna go in order, so that means I’ve got to meet the Punisher and Elektra first in Daredevil season 2. So, even though The Defenders comes out in August, I’ll be lucky if I get to it in 2017. Anyway, I told you all that to make you see that my level of enthusiasm for this probably isn’t as high as yours because I’m so far behind. That said, I thought this trailer looked hokey as Hell. The scene where Murdock comes into Jessica’s interrogation felt like a bad fan film. Shit, the whole thing felt like a bad fan film. Remember when Playstation Network aired that Bendis Powers show? Yeah, it looks like that. Something about the cinematography of it all. And then they had to do another goddamn hallway fight. WE GET IT ALREADY! I just don’t know about this one right now..

In other TV news, there are talks of a Roseanne revival, with ABC and Netflix interested bidding on the project. Laurie Metcalf, Aunt Jackie herself, reported that contracts have been worked out, so now they’re just trying to sell the series. Right now, Roseanne (does she currently have a last name?), John Goodman, and Sara Gilbert would star, while Metcalfe says she’s on board in some capacity. It’ll be interesting to see how they pull this off, ya know with Dan being dead and all. Still, it ended with one of the most maligned series finales in television history, and they’ve got a chance to basically erase it. How many shows can say that? Anyway, I was never a huge Roseanne fan. They were just so poor and depressing. Are they gonna lose the bike shop? Are they gonna lose the loose meat restaurant? Is Fisher gonna stop beating up Jackie? I know their struggles resonated with certain folks, but not me. I actually liked the Lottery Season because I could say “Thank God their lives aren’t such shit anymore!” Anyway, I’d bet money on this happening, so it’s now just a matter of where it’s gonna air. The big question is in which “universe” it will be set. After all, the finale basically laid out that everything since about season 4 of the show had been a lie, since Darlene actually ended up with Mark, Becky was the one with David, Jackie was a lesbian, etc. So, would we get the “true” Roseanne, or just more of what we’re used to? And with Mark dead, and David on The Big Bang Theory, I don’t really expect much from those characters anyway. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

I was on my own last weekend, so I took the time to watch TV and catch up comics. Well, I didn’t really watch TV, but it was on in the background. It provided the soundtrack to my comic time. What did I watch? CMT – Country Music Television. Yeah, yeah, you hate country. I don’t care. I grew up on it, so it has a special place in my heart. Anyway, when I saw Brad Paisley’s new video for “Last Time For Everything”, I KNEW I had to share it with y’all. This thing is a love letter to children of the 80s, complete with tracking/tape distortion lines. I don’t wanna spoil anything, so just check it out. Don’t worry – the song’s not about drankin’, or a dead dog, or his wife left him; it’s just a song about appreciating things when you have them because they won’t always be there.

The backdoor pilot for the Black-ish spinoff aired this week. Oh, you don’t know what a “backdoor pilot” is? It’s when an established show gives up one of its episodes to try to launch a new show. Since it already has a built-in audience, it kinda tricks viewers into watching a new show that they otherwise wouldn’t have checked out. Married…with Children had, like, 4 of them. Anyway, in Black-ish, Zoey went off to check out college, made a new best friend, and pissed off the Black Student Union. The whole episode was kinda hokey, but it worked. Chris Parnell was the spineless dean, which is basically every Chris Parnell character these days. And I love how they worked Deon Cole’s Charlie into the plot. If the spinoff gets picked up (I mean, why wouldn’t it?), I hope he gets a bigger role there than he has on Black-ish. If Black-ish is a modern-day Cosby Show, then this is its A Different World. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that, really.

If you like useless gimmick items as much as I do, then make sure you pick up your Frork from McDonalds today. To celebrate the release of their three new Signature Crafted Recipes (Pico Guacamole, Sweet BBQ Bacon, and Maple Bacon Dijon), they’re releasing a utensil that they know nobody needs, but hey, why not? The Frork is basically a fry holder, where the fries act as the tines of the fork. In the infomercial, complete with Anthony Sullivan appearance, they claim the Frork will help you scoop up the toppings that fall off your overflowing sandwich. I swear Anthony Sullivan killed Billy Mays ‘so he’d get ALL that sweet infomercial work. But I digress…If you would like a Frork, check this link to see if one of your local McDonalds locations is giving them out today.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

HBO has hired writers for FOUR potential Game of Thrones spinoffs. So, get ready for Match of Chairs, Bout of Seats, Mother of Dragons and, my personal favorite, Tits & Swords.

Warner Bros has pushed back its theatrical animated Scooby-Doo film two years to 2020.

Girl Meets World is officially dead, as creator Michael Jacobs was unable to find a new home for the series.

While this news is about a month old, FXX has decided against a fourth season of Man Seeking Woman, which wrapped up its 3rd season in March. The season finale was a fitting series finale, so I ain’t mad.

Hot on the heels of its premiere, Hulu has renewed The Handmaid’s Tale for a second season.

Surprising no one, Fox canceled the freshman drama Pitch, about the first female major league baseball player. Following on their heels, NBC canceled the Wizard of Oz update Emerald City.

It was reported that Gabriel Luna’s Ghost Rider will be returning to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for the season finale

Speaking of Marvel TV, we got our first cast picture from Inhumans. KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

We also got our first look at the cast of Marvel’s Runaways on Hulu. They look like the comic, but I still hate that they aged Molly. I like her more as a precocious child to balance them out.

A strike by the Writers Guild of America, which would’ve affected all corners of entertainment, was narrowly averted at the 11th hour

Morning Joe hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski revealed that they’re engaged. Man, they shit in the company ink! That’s the saying, right?

The biggest TV news of the week was that Ryan Seacrest was announced as Kelly Ripa’s permanent cohost on what will now be called Live with Kelly & Ryan. This bothered me so much! First of all, I was really kinda hoping an underdog, like Fred Savage, would get it. And if they had to go with a media person, they had Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen on the list. But Seacrest?! The dude’s empire is based in LA and, yes, he has an empire. He’s a modern-day Merv Griffin, producing Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Shades of Blue, and Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest. He also has a daily syndicated radio show, On Air With Ryan Seacrest, as well as hosts the weekly American Top 40 countdown. With all that going on, you’d think he’d stay in LA instead of taking a job from a New Yorker. Instead, iHeartMedia has built a radio station in the ABC Studios building so that he can do his radio show immediately after taping Live. The plan is for him to stay in New York Monday-Thursday to film Live, he’ll pretape Friday’s show on Thursday, and then he’ll spend Friday-Sunday in LA.

But that’s not ALL the Seacrest news this week. You see, talks of an American Idol revival have heated up again. I wrote about it a few weeks ago, when NBC and Fox were both interested in the show – NBC especially because they could, then, reduce The Voice to one cycle a year. Those talks fell through, but now it appears that ABC has gotten into the game, with one stipulation: there’s no Idol without Seacrest, so the show would have to move to New York so he could continue to host. The show’s production company, Fremantle, insists that it stays in LA. ABC wants to announce it during the May upfronts, which occur in two weeks, for a Fall 2018 premiere (yeah, it ain’t gonna be ready by this Fall). So here’s the plan on how that would work: Fremantle wants to air Idol on Sunday nights from LA, where Seacrest would then fly to NYC after the show in order to make it in time to film Live Monday morning. After filming Monday’s Live, he would then fly back to LA for the Idol results show. Once that’s over, he would fly back to NYC in time for Tuesday’s Live. My God! The live portion of Idol is only 10 weeks, but that is a grueling schedule that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. So far, however, it seems that ABC’s plan would be to air Idol on Mondays, to go head to head with The Voice, so this plan wouldn’t work.

Say what you will about Seacrest, but I’ve always admired the dude’s work ethic. He doesn’t seem to know the word “no”, and he’s constantly building his brand. With the exception of the short-lived On Air With Ryan Seacrest TV show (which is conveniently missing from his Wikipedia entry), he doesn’t really fail at anything. I guess hard work and determination really can take you places. I’ll tell ya, back when he was hosting Click and Gladiators 2000, I had NO CLUE he would become as big as he is. He makes me wanna go out and get 3 more jobs. Then again, I wouldn’t have his net worth of $330 million, but it’d be a start. Anyway, for taking all the jobs, while growing in power, Ryan Seacrest had the West Week Ever.

Tired...

Title: Tired…

Rating: K

Word Count: 2,961

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Ships: Bunnyribbit (Lucio/D.va of overwatch)

Summary: Often I see a lot of art and fics where Lucio comforts D.va about her PTSD, well now it’s Lucio’s turn. Also I got inspiration from this piece and this piece. *Edit* Oh yeah, I also headcanon Lucio as Catholic (like most Brazilians).

“GG team! That was great round!” D.va says into her headset. The chatter from her League of Legends teammates drones out as she reaches for her now cold insta-ramen next to her. Not minding the luke warm noodles she munches on while reading over the exp. she earned for…what the 17th round in a row so far? D.va then looks over to digital clock next to her on the desk and sees it reads 3 a.m.

“Yikes guys, I gotta get off. I gotta be up earl- er, be up later today, I guess.” Her teammates tell her goodnight as she signs off. She reaches over for her can of soda only to find that it’s empty. Ugh, the salt from the ramen made her throat thirsty. The young gamer walks across the room to her mini-fridge only to see it holds to-go ketchup packets and travel size mayonnaise.

“Drat…” This means she’s going to have to leave her room and go to the Overwatch HQ’s common area fridge to get something to drink. D.va donned on her bathrobe to protect her from the chill of wearing just a tank top and pj-shorts. Why does the HQ have to be way up in the mountains? D.va thinks to herself as she enters the dormitories’ hallway. As she nears towards the elevator she passes her boyfriend, Lucio’s room. The lights are on and the door is open, D.va smiles.

“It’s always good to have an extra set of hands…” D.va thinks to herself, “…think of all the junk food the two of us can carry back up!” D.va continues to fantasize about her and Lucio pigging out in his room until the two were stuffed, fall asleep on top of each other, and then to be comically chastised up by Winston to get ready for Overwatch’s morning briefings. However when she finally reaches his doorway, Lucio is nowhere to be found. 

“He can’t be at the studio…” she thinks, “…he just released his album. Lucio wouldn’t stretch his creativity that far.” D.va notes to herself that Lucio is a morning person. When D.va doesn’t have responsibilities in the morning her gaming marathons can go into 6-7 am and when Lucio wakes for his 7 am jog he’ll come into her room and playfully scold her about throwing off her sleeping schedule.

“I doubt he’d go jogging at 3 am…” D.va wonders, “…it’s pitch black out.” D.va passes Lucio’s room and heads toward the elevator. While riding the lift down she tries to think of other possibilities of where Lucio has gone. 

“Maybe he’s in lounging on a couch, drinking a decaf coffee or something.” D.va thinks back to times where she’s seen Lucio sit at the common area’s table drinking coffee, completely silent, eyes closed, and with a wistful smile on his face. After enough times, D.va finally asked him what he was doing. He’d slowly open his eyes, look straight at her as his smile widened,

“Just listening to the beat.” 

D.va shook her head and laughed at him,

“What beat, Lucio?”

“All of it.” D.va was still confused but she tried to relate.

“You um, mean like the birds chirping and the wind blowing? Nature’s beat?” Lucio gave a little chuckle.

“I guess that’s a nuanced way of looking at, Hana. Though I’m listening past that.”

“Sorry Frog Boy, you lost me at this point.” D.va said with a shrug. Lucio gave a heartier laugh this time as he got up from his seat. 

“C’mon…” Lucio said as he took her hand and lead her outside. That day was nice, it was a little cloudy but still warm out. Lucio lead her to a grassy area next the Overwatch HQ’s communal garden. Then he stopped, got on his knees and laid his ear to the ground. D.va furrowed her brow in confusion which only got worse when he motioned at her to do the same. D.va sighed and did as he asked. The ground was cold and slightly wet being pressed up against her ear, which made her made her shiver a little with discomfort. 

“Hear it?” Lucio asked.

“All I can think about is a worm popping out of the dirt, slipping into my ear, burrowing into my brain and mind controlling me.” Lucio laughed again.

“Eh, it’s possible but try not to think about that. Listen, can you hear that beat?”

“What? You mean the earth’s beat?” 

Lucio’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah that! Can you hear it?” D.va shook her head. Lucio gave her an encouraging smile and then closed his eyes again.

“I can hear it clear as day, babe. Just close your eyes, Hana. Try to drone out everything else, even still your breathing. Go past the dirt and try to listen to it as a whole.” As ridiculous as D.va felt, she tried again. She closed her eyes, cleared her mind and relaxed while slowing her breaths. Then faintly, almost like an echo she heard a “thum” in the earth. D.va’s eyes shot open.

“I heard it! I heard it! It was really soft, but I heard it!” D.va sat up excitedly.

“Aye! There you go, meu coelhinha!” Lucio applauded sitting up as well. As D.va came down from her congratulated high, her face went pensive. 

“What was that, Lucio? And don’t tell me you could hear that standing up and through the concrete floor while inside?” 

Lucio shrugged.

“Who knows. Some Indigenous call it the earth’s heartbeat, some people in Africa say it’s God beating a drum, I’ve even read that some monks in Asia  believe it’s another monk under the earth striking a gong and that allows them to meditate.”

“And what do you believe?” D.va asked. Lucio gave another nonchalant shrug.

“As far I’m concerned, they’re all right. I just call it: This-Really-Cool-Thing-My-Father-Showed-Me-As-A-Kid or The Beat if you’re in a hurry. And to answer your second question, yeah I can feel it through my feet, even when I’m inside a building or surrounding by a lot of other noise. I can always pinpoint it out from some reason, it’s kinda comforting.”

“Feel?”

“Yeah y’know, like vibrations. That’s all sound is.” D.va tried to focus for a moment on the earth pressed against her knees.

“I can’t feel anything…” D.va said defeated. Lucio scooted closer and put his arms around her.

“Awww it’s okay, Hana. I’m talking about years practice here. I’ve listening to this beat everyday since I was four.” D.va flatten her palm against the earth, trying again. However she came to a small epiphany.

“You base all your music around this, don’t you?” Lucio smiled, so proud of his girl.

“You know me too well.”

D.va comes back to the present after reliving that memory. She then realizes she was so lost in it that her body was on autopilot and it took her right in front of the HQ’s refrigerator. She didn’t even remember getting off the elevator. “Oh well,  at least I took myself to the place I wanted to go.” she thought taking a couple of sodas out. She looked behind her hoping to see Lucio sitting at the kitchen table ready with a smart comment about her acting like a robot, but he wasn’t. D.va then looked the communal lounge area, he wasn’t there either. Worry started to creep into her gut. Where on earth could he be? Lucio wouldn’t leave with out telling her or at least someone at the HQ. D.va started walking towards the intercom button to connect to Winston’s room.

“No stop it, D.va! Let’s not do anything drastic here.” she muttered to herself. Suddenly her overact imagination decided to take that as a challenge by giving her scenarios of Vishkar stealing Lucio away, ready to do who-knows-what to him. Her finger instantly hit the intercom button, a long electronic beep followed but she couldn’t say anything. 

“H-hello?” Winston said groggily on the other line. D.va felt like an idiot.

“Uh, whoops sorry, Winston! I accidentally hit the intercom looking for a light switch.” D.va ends the sentence with a half-hearted chuckle. 

“S’okay…” Winston yawned, ending the call. D.va slapped her forehead in embarrassment. 

“Stupid…” She sat down at the communal table and opened her soda trying to slow her mind. 

“Stay calm, Hana. Lucio’s a big boy. I’m sure he’s fine…” Suddenly the young gamer hears a tapping. She looks at the nearby window and sees Ganymede. The E-54 unit’s favorite friend. Much to D.vas’ dismay, Winston recruited the wandering omnic a while back, but this strange bird seemed to always tag along. The two had a strange relationship. It was clear the bird wasn’t the robot’s pet. It didn’t keep the yellow bird in a cage, in fact it flew away every night only to return in the morning of it’s own free will. Ganymede (which the robot wrote in the dirt when asked about it’s companion) was the only thing D.va liked about the E-54. D.va opened to window, indicating that the bird could come inside, but it flew away to a nearby branch and then stared at her. D.va’s puzzled for a second and then realizes.

“Dude, does it look like I want to go outside?”  Ganymede chirps in response and then points it’s head towards the left. D.va follows his gaze and notices a dim source of light within the communal garden. 

“Lucio?” D.va asks the bird with hopeful eyes. Ganymede stares at her and tilts it’s head. D.va rolls her eyes and mentally berates herself for asking about her boyfriend to a damn bird. 

“Aaaaaaand yet, I’m still gonna go outside and check it out because I’m now a 바보야 apparently.” she mutters picking up her soda. 

While D.va didn’t like E-54, she did have to admit it was useful. It seems to really like vegetation so during it’s free time, it worked on a plot of land devoted to flowers, long stalk vegetables, and saplings. It was such a feat that other Overwatch members started to join in. Each member had their own little plot. McCree grew cacti native from his hometown in Arizona, Reinhardt grew vegetables that he’d use when it was his turn to cook dinner, Genji and his master Zenyatta grew juniper bonsai trees and even made a little sand meditation area. Lucio of course was part of it too, trying to use the garden to help D.va warm up to the E-54. While the soil wasn’t rich enough to grow mangoes and papayas, which Lucio missed of home. He grew other fruit such as oranges, grapefruit, and grapes to compensate. For the finishing touches Lucio placed a knee high statue of Saint Fiacre and chest high statue of the Madonna. D.va admitted that she had a black thumb so the most help she could do was pull weeds. Still, she cherished the moments of talking with Lucio while helping with his plot. 

As D.va got closer to the communal garden she saw the light was coming from Lucio’s plot no less. Getting closer, she finally saw him. Lucio on his knees -two lit candles beside him- praying in front of the Madonna with rosary beads clasped in his hands. D.va had seen Lucio pray many times; a quick one before eating, one where that he grumbles under his breath to keep himself calm around people that annoy him, and then the slow and compassionate one that he prays for her when asking for protection when she goes off for duty. This one looked much different. 

Lucio’s body was tight, head bowed, and his back was so hunched over that D.va could bones from the curvature of his spine. His hand were shaking while clutching the rosary beads so tightly, D.va thought the thread would snap. But what drew her attention was his tone. He spoken hurriedly as if he was trying to say his prayer in one breath. While he was speaking in Portuguese, by his inflections he sounded panicked, but what worried D.va most was that he sounded…penitent. Lucio wasn’t always upbeat, he had his down days, but this was something D.va had never seen. D.va made sure she was still so she couldn’t make any noise and listened. While the two of them hadn’t taught each other their mother tongues, both picked up bits and pieces from just the exposure to one another.  D.va knew Maria is ‘Mary,’ cansado meant ‘tired,’ D.va  was pretty sure me perdoe meant ‘forgive me’, but wasn’t quite so sure. “’Me dê força was ‘give me strength’ which was a phrase Lucio said frequently, so that one was easy. However he was saying the word pecador a lot and his inflections stressed on the word as well so while D.va didn’t know the translation she knew it was important. Then Lucio suddenly started repeating a phrase. Lucio kept repeating it so quickly D.va thought it was one word and it didn’t help her brain kept on switching from Korean then English and so forth to find the translation. She kept hearing the word, sacrifício which was easy to translate, but the words before it weren’t.  She started to sound out the phrase to help herself.

“ayy ooh soooow saaay ooooo, sacrifício?” thought to herself, “What does that mean-” Suddenly it clicked, and it scared her.

“L-lucio…you okay?” D.va said cautiously. Lucio’s fervent praying stopped and he slowly lifted his head as he turned around. Lucio tried to put on a smile, but D.va could see he was failing. His eyes had fresh wet streaks. 

“H-hey Hana, why you out here? Everything okay?” D.va gives him a pitiable laugh. 

“I asked you first, dummy. And no, everything's’ not okay and it’s sitting right in front of me.” Lucio gives a defeated laugh while wiping his eyes.

“Yeah I do look like a mess, huh?” D.va walked towards her boyfriend. He was still on his knees so his face came up to her stomach. D.va used the loose part of her bathrobe to delicately wipe his eyes and nose, like a caring mother would to her child. Lucio stayed silent and closes his eyes, he enjoys her soft touch. Once D.va is finished she cups his face with both her hands, and looks down at the man she wants to help desperately but isn’t quite sure how so she says silent. The silence is awkward to Lucio and he tries to break it.

“Heh, sorry for getting snot on your bathrobe.” D.va doesn’t say anything, she just gives a gentle smile. Lucio hangs his head, he knows his comment to fill the silence was inappropriate and useless. He doesn’t feel like talking yet so he just presses his cheek against her stomach and wraps his hands around the small of her back. D.va relocates her hand to the top of his head and she slowly strokes his locs. The two of them stay quiet for what felt to them an hour, but was more likely 20 minutes. Not removing his cheek her stomach, Lucio says,

“It’s just getting a bit much, Hana. Sometimes I feel like a martyr for a endless cause. Vishkar’s like a hydra, I knock ‘em down then two more of ‘em pop back up. I ask the Lord for guidance, but sometimes I feel like I’m falling on deaf ears. I’m not Christ, I don’t want to be Christ, but I think…” Lucio pauses, “…I think this fight with Vishkar won’t end till I’m dead and if that’s God’s plan that I must abide by it. But I don’t want to, Hana. I don’t be forever locked with Vishkar, but I don’t want to disobey God. I want to protect my people and protect others, but I’m just…really tired, Hana. I’m really tired.” D.va stays quiet still stroking his hair, trying to come up with something so say. Finally she kisses the top of his head and whispers,

“Remember how you said you find The Beat comforting because you always know it’ll be there?”

Lucio gives a small “Mhmm.”

“Well I’m that way too. Got that, Lucio?”  D.va can feel Lucio’s lips smile against her stomach. 

“Got it.”

Aftermath: Life Debt by Chuck Wendig

Ragnell: This week’s selection was Aftermath: Life Debt, the sequel to Aftermath. Now with major characters from the movie!

All right, a lot happens in this book and some of the events are just such a joy to describe this recap’ll be a little long:

We ended the last book with Norra putting together a team to track down war criminals. This book begins with a flashback to Jakku, and a check-in with Leia before we catch up with her. Norra and company are collecting one of their targets, and the mission shows us the tensions in the team before establishing they can all work together. Jom is still a new element, and he serves to establish how far from general acceptance people like Jas and Sinjir are before turning into a love interest for Jas for the rest of the book. Once they’ve finished, they return to Chandrila, we get a little slice of the lives they’ve carved out, the status of the New Republic, and Wedge contacts them. Han and Chewie fell into a trap while trying to free Kashyyk, Chewie was captured and Han’s transmission was cut off and Leia needs a team to go on an off-the-books mission to see what happened.

They split into teams and chase different avenues before meeting back up, being thrown off the case by Angry Police Captain Admiral Ackbar, because they can’t officially devote resources to Kashyyk. Because now that the Rebellion is officially over everything’s political and Wookiees have nothing political to offer and other reasoning that you might hear from your local lukewarm center-left political party. Norra quits and decides to work for Leia as a private citizen. Wedge does not, which puts a little damper on a romantic subplot between the two.

On the villains side, Admiral Sloane is reluctant to trust her mysterious boss, Gallius Rax, who is using her as his public face, has formed a shadow government, leaked information to the New Republic to destroy allies he doesn’t fully trust, has no Facebook or Twitter, has been keeping several groups of the Navy in hiding, and is planning an attack on Chandrila when she goes to visit. Oh no!

So she enlists the help of her assistant Adea, who Gallius has helpfully smuggled off of Chandrila and seduced, and her trusted bounty hunter Mercurial Swift (named here because even for Star Wars, that’s a bit much) to investigate his past and find out he’s the kid from the prologue.

The heroes find Han and learn he’s trying to sneak onto Kashyyk to break Chewie out of prison. They decide to help. Jom goes AWOL and joins them partway through because the power of lust compels him he is worried about Jas. Han and the original characters go to Kashyyk and free a whole ton of prisoners including Norra’s husband Brentin. Norra and Temmin go home with the freed prisoners. Han, Chewie, Jas, Jom and Sinjir stay on Kashyyk to save the planet. Here is where we learn they have control chips in the Wookies, of some old New Republic technology reminiscent of that stuff that controlled the slaves in the prequels.

Jom and Sinjir destroy the central controlling module for these chips, because like a damned idiot the villain has it all centralized, and free the Wookies. Han, Chewie, and Jas knock down some prison camp forcefields and the rebellion is off. However, the governor of Kashyyk, who is a cross between the rich guy from The Most Dangerous Game and those giants who eat talking animals in The Silver Chair. He calls down orbital strikes because he is an asshole.

Back on Chandrila, everyone is getting ready to greet Admiral Sloane who’s asked to negotiate a treaty because Rax totally implied to her that there would be a space attack on the fleet over the planet. What actually happens is she has to sit through a damned parade and a new holiday celebration, “Liberation Day.” Leia plays hookie, calls in her trusty Cameron from the comics Evaan, and steals the Millennium Falcon which really should belong to her so why did she have to steal it? Either way, she leaves a note for Wedge that basically amounts to “Come help me out or I and my unborn child are SOOO gonna die” and that is why the guy who set up security for the Liberation Day event was not present when it all went to hell.

See, the Wexley family and all of the freed prisoners are supposed to be on the dais. But something’s been wrong with Papa Wexley, that makes him stun his son and leave him in a crate beforehand. Understandably concerned, the boy tries to interrupt the ceremony but is unable to actually reach the dais before his dad shoots Mon Mothma. Norra manages to interrupt his aim. Turns out that the same technology that turned all the clones into mindless murderbots who kill their Jedi friends in TCW/RotS was used on these prisoners. ALL of the prisoners fire all over the place, there’s mass chaos, running around, and we get a pretty cool fistfight between Norra and Rae. In the confusion, some jerkass minor character frees Tashu the Worshipper of Darth Sidious. Rae shoots Adea, because Adea broke the sisters before misters rule, gets beat up and shot by Norra, and still manages to run off with Norra’s husband.

Meanwhile, back on Kashyyk, Han decides to steal a Star Destroyer--which he has totally done before but that was when he had a Jedi and a short-fuse princess--it goes a little badly but that’s okay because just when he’s about to get shot his crazy pregnant wife shows up in his miracle junk-ship, followed by Wedge with a bunch of crazy X-wing pilots, and Ackbar with his own ship of fools. They actually manage to neutralize the Kashyyk blockade. Chewie decides to stay home, Han and Leia almost do but all the chaos on Chandrila sends them back there because they are needed to stabilize the government.

The story ends with Norra’s group signing on for vengeance against Rae (excluding Jom because Jas dumps him), Rae and Brentin headed to Jakku to find out more about Rax, and Rax headed to Jakku because the Emperor sent him back as a kid to accomplish some mysterious purpose. Because Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious should never be allowed near children.

The first thing that strikes me about this book, and one of the things making it fun for me, is that it works other parts of the new canon into it. Last book we had some nods to the animated series. This book we have nods to those, and the comics. Han references stealing a Star Destroyer, which is a plot I enjoyed a lot in the Star Wars comics (I’ve seen some grousing on tumblr about the art that arc but the story is just fun) and we see Evaan from the Princess Leia comic. These were great ideas and great elements so it’s nice to see them in a novel. It’s also nice to think that some of the elements from the comics or the novel might find their way into the movies or animated series.

Kalinara: It does however make Luke’s absence very notable. He actually gets mentioned in this one, but there’s still no real clue as to what he’s doing.

R: The next thing is all the romance in this book. It’s like with Han and Leia’s marriage as the kickoff and driving force for the plot that their love gets echoed with the other characters’ lives. But like in ESB, all of these romances get derailed by the events. Wedge and Norra start to explore a romance, only to be stopped by Brentin’s reappearance. Norra focuses back on her husband and just as she starts to think she has him back again, it turns out he’s been mind controlled and he runs away. Jom gets too intense for Jas, so she drops the romance to focus elsewhere. And Sinjir slips into a shame spiral about his old job as a torturer and dumps his boyfriend Conder so that Conder can find someone better.

K: I had mixed feelings on the romance. Maybe it’s just because of the nature of the story, but it was hard to get too invested in the romances on the table. Sinjur and Conder seemed cute, but they had all of two scenes. I cared about the break up because I’ve grown attached to Sinjur and it was sad to see him so self-loathing. Norra and Wedge were cute, and I do like both characters, but they spend so much of the book apart, that I still don’t feel like I get an idea of what they’re like as a couple. (It does fit with Wedge’s terrible luck that his girlfriend’s long lost husband comes back though. :-)) Jom and Jas...well. Jom wasn’t even as interesting as what’s his name from the first book. And I can’t even remember that guy’s actual name.  (Edited:  I was actually thinking of Lok from Moving Target, not Aftermath.  Even so, that guy was more interesting than Jom.)

R: Among the new characters of the book, I rather liked Conder (though he didn’t get any really fun moments), Brentin, Oblivion, and Eleodie. I think Conder as Leia’s IT guy and Sinjir’s boyfriend should show up again. I think that’s a temporary breakup.

K: Of all of the new characters, I was most intrigued by Brentin. He reminds me of Ransolm Casterfo, oddly enough. Not because the characters have anything in common of course, but because I kind of think both characters serve as an example counterpoint to common fandom theories about Kylo Ren and (Armitage) Hux. Casterfo actually is the misguided Imperial-sympathizer who makes mistakes out of fear and trauma, and Brentin Wexley is actually an innocent victim brainwashed into doing things he doesn’t want to do. And when we look at these characters, and see how they’re portrayed, it makes it very obvious how weak these justifications are when we try to apply them to the actual villains.

R: I hated Lozen, but it was the kind of hate you should have for a villain. There’s a line in there with Lozen saying he likes the taste of Talz that creeped me out a bit. The Talz were a TCW species, they are sentient. It is a “We’re eating TALKING stag” moment for me and I was glad to see this guy’s end. It and the hunting sequence made him the most depraved villain in the Star Wars canon for me.

The little interlude saga of the red lightsaber is pretty interesting, but I’ll be surprised to see it wrapped up next book. This is the sort of thing that leads to a Luke plotline in a future series. I still wonder if it’s Vader’s lightsaber or someone else’s.

I’m glad Sloane survived, I prefer her as a villain to Rax. I’m looking forward to her and Brentin trying to deal with each other.

K: I think Sloane is really what Admiral Thrawn should have been in the Expanded Universe. I mean, yes, he’s got those Grand Manipulator tendencies like Gallus Rex, but there’s a reason that Sloane, not Rax, is our primary focus villain. It’s easy to get emotionally invested in Sloane’s arc. I don’t want her to win against our heroes of course, but I definitely want to see her rise in the Empire/First Order.

And I like watching Sloane come up against obstacles. I like seeing her adapt and redirect her focus. I like watching Sloane come up against things she doesn’t know, and the efforts that she makes to learn more. She isn’t magically omniscient when it comes to every single plot point like a certain blue Admiral, and I think she comes across as actually smarter and more formidable because of it. She’s tenacious, clever, and resourceful. She doesn’t need to be shilled by the narrative to be formidable.

R: I’m not sure where I want the Wexley-Antilles love triangle to go. It was interesting to see that Wedge has slid more easily into father figure role for Temmin than anyone else, even giving him a nickname. The next closest people are Sinjir and Jas, and Temmin seems to still have some serious defenses up with them. It’s an interesting situation I fear may end with Brentin’s death next book just to make a tidy family unit.

As for the majors, and the metaplot, I liked what this added. I was a little offput by Han at first, but on reflection this is exactly what he would seem like to someone who didn’t know him. Unpredictable, kind of stupid, relying mainly on luck. We normally see him with Luke, who relies on faith, and Leia, who relies on sheer willpower, so he seems kind of like the sensible of the trio in comparison. Leia, of course, topped all of his actions by being even more batshit crazy at the climax but seeming like she was in perfect control of everything all the time. (It’d be really interesting to see this group encounter Luke after how they’ve reacted to Han and Leia.)

Leia’s bits were the best part of the book, I loved the moment when she first experiences connecting with the Force and gaining knowledge from it. I loved her conflict with Ackbar and Mon. I loved her decision on what to do about all of it. I loved her calling in Evaan and I loved her playing the military guys like a flute.

I didn’t really care much for Jom or Hux, but none of their parts were big enough to drag the rest of the book for me. I really enjoyed it.

K: It was fun. I’m looking forward to seeing how the trilogy resolves..

Cardfight!! Vanguard: NEW WORLD (Cardfight Vanguard Fan Series) [NEW ROLES ADDED!]

Hey everyone! This is my first time posting here, but I'll do my Rubesty! *Ahem ahem ahem* Introduction Cardfight!! Vanguard: NEW WORLD is a fan project I've been mulling over for quite some time, and I'd like to find some voice actors to make this project a reality! Featuring three new characters, new mechanics, and new cards, Vanguard's never had an adventure like this before! Set in everyday modern America, Vanguard's going to be crossing borders into a an all new world! Part of me wants to immediately leap into episode production, but even I know I'm not at that skill level. So I was thinking I'd gather people for a fun few things here and there. A few Bushiroad-style advertisements, comic dubs, maybe even radio plays if we have the time? I want to keep things short, sweet, and casual for now. And if things work out, we can get to actually turning New World into a real series! For now, I'd just like to find some voice talent to help me out. I'm not going to need anything huge at first, don't worry! Just a few vocal barks and ultimately short scripts. This is a low-commitment project at the moment, so if you're short on time but want to do something, this is perfect for that! I will be requiring a few things, though! * A decent quality microphone. I know this is a standard, but it's just nice to have good quality audio! You don't need to drop 500+ bucks on a Blue Yeti (god knows I only paid like what, thirty bucks for my headset?), but clear audio is very important. * Speaking of clear audio, please speak clearly, and make sure you're free of background noise when you submit your lines! I've noticed a lot of people have a tendency to whisper, especially during more "embarrassing" moments. Just remember to have fun and really throw yourself into the lines! * This one isn't required, but it's nice to know. Being able to sing is a definite plus! You don't need to be able to, not at all, but if you think you've got a good voice, feel free to drop a link to your soundcloud/youtube channel/etc! We might do a few musical things, depends how everything goes. * Lastly, you don't necessarily NEED a Discord or Skype, but that would definitely be easier to contact you through. Sure, e-mail is fine, but it'd just be easier for everyone if we could all just connect through Discord or something like that! Otherwise, that's pretty much it! Remember to be nice and respectful to everyone. I can be pretty flexible with deadlines, and I'll be keeping projects short and sweet for now. So like I said, even if you don't think you have enough time, try out anyway! I promise, I'm a good director! --- Characters Emma Drake [MAIN] Emma Drake is a passionate, firey, hot-headed character! Her passion for both Vanguard, life, and living come through in her dialogue, and there's rarely a "calm" moment with her. As such, her voice reflects that! Her hotheadedness should come through every line, especially when speaking passionately about something. (Er, you know, moreso than usual.) The clan she uses is Nova Grappler, her subclan of choice is Warlords, and her avatar is Ultimate Warlord, Eddy. For a voice example, I was thinking of something along the lines of Noboru Kodo (Future Card Buddyfight) and/or Tokoha Anjou (Cardfight!! Vanguard G). But I'm willing to listen to anyone's lines! So feel free to audition, you might just be the perfect pick! Lines --- [Introducing herself, firey as usual] I'm Emma Drake! I'm the president of the Vanguard Club, and I'm gonna beat down everyone in my way! I use Nova Grappler, and my avatar, Ultimate Warlord, Eddy and I will be the last ones standing at the Vanguard US Tour! [Passionately] Our allies will become our strength! Our sacrifices will not be in vain! Again and again, we'll keep standing up! Stride Generation! Incredible Warlord, Unbreakable Eddy the First! [Confused, Shocked] I...the ability to change our futures? That's what these Alter units can do? Anything we want, we get? --- Beck Fjord [MAIN] Beck is big, bulky, and brash. He's a laughable, kind of idiotic, gruff, and loveable father-type, but with that flashy, rebellious youth still inside of him. He can tend to be a little childish sometimes, in addition to being rather petty. He's also a media-savvy geek with a love for all things idol, and has a hidden wish to become one himself. His voice, fittingly, is gruff and almost raspy, and significantly deeper than the rest of the cast. His clan is Bermuda Triangle, his subclan is the Sharkz, and his avatar unit is Leader of the Sharkz, Deliah. As an example for his voice, I imagine something kind of like a youthful Ryotaro Dojima (Persona 4) or Ryutaro Oyama (Cardfight!! Vanguard G) (....Lotta Ryu/otaros, ain't there...) but I'm always open to other interpretations! Audition, and maybe you have the perfect voice for Beck! Lines --- [Introducing Himself, cheerful and proud] I'm Beck Fjord! My lovely idols n' I are here to take ya down! I use Bermuda Triangle, the clan that's almost as Sexy as I am! Me n' my avatar, Deliah, Leader of the Sharkz are gonna win it all on the Vanguard US Tour! [Passionately] Shine, spotlight! On this glittering stage, I will rise to the top! From now and forevermore, into the brightest future! Stride Generation! Sharkz Above the Seafoam, Deliah Star! [Confused, then Convicted] Ehhh, I dunno. I jus' don' think it's that weird. Peanut butter, mayonnaise, and whipped cream is a true man's meal! And as the biggest, strongest, sexiest man in this room, I've earned my right! --- Luke Baldur [MAIN] Luke is the smartie pants of the group, and a total smartass. He can come off as cold, aloof, and even cruel at times. He just states things matter-of-factly, and seems to think everyone has common knowledge that in reality, only he has. He's your typical nerd otherwise, both in personality and in voice. He's pretty sickly too, and a total sloucher. Every word out of his mouth is usually flat or subdued, but he CAN feel strong emotion! It just doesn't usually come across. He can really be loyal and caring if you're someone who's wormed their way into his heart. The issue is getting there. (Did I really write that much about him? Yeesh.) His clan is Oracle Think Tank, his subclan is Beast Knights, and his avatar is Solar Beast Knight, Aslan. For a voice, think like a less-energetic Silver The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog) meets Naoto Shirogane (Persona 4) ...Does that even make sense? Or just do whatever a sickly nerd teenager sounds like. You might totally surprise me, so go for it! Everyone's got a shot! Lines --- [Introducing Himself, trying to sound tough, but is nervous] I-I'm Luke Baldur! I use Oracle Think Tank! I may not look strong, but you better watch your back! My avatar, Solar Beast Knight, Aslan are going to come out on top in the Vanguard US Tour! [Passionately] Divinate the future, and open the gates! Knowledge is power, and it is a weapon! Shine, like the sun, and reveal to me everything! Break Ride! Beast Knight of Solaris, Aslan Rising! [Flatly and Frustratedly] No, and [sigh] I-I really don't know how this thought got into your mind. But please, and I can't stress enough how exasperating this is that I have to repeat this, but please. Do not, under any circumstances, lick anything that I own. --- [ART COMING SOON] Mikhail Copper [SUPPORTING] Ohhhh my God. Oh my God, what can I say about Mikhail Copper? He's a snarky, fake-British lover of steampunk, crushing you, and romancing anyone who steps in his path. Sometimes, all at once. But his skill is...well, let's just say he's very much not the best player. He talks a big game, and his Gear Chronicle can be rather scary, but his overconfidence has lead to more than a few Triple Criticals to the face. He's also pitifully short, almost as much as Luke. It's very funny. Mikhail uses Gear Chronicle, and his avatar is Steam Butler, Zappi. As for a voice...no, I have no idea what he'd sound like. Just imagine the most pretentious, snobby person you can imagine, throw on a fake British accent, and you've probably got it. Lines --- [Introducing himself] 'Ello loves! Sorry for the delay! My name's Mikhail Copper, and I'm the leader of Team Breakerz! My avatar, Steam Butler, Zappi and I are here to take home the gold! Leap through time with me, and I'll show you a glorious future! [Passionately]  The future, it calls us! Beckoning us through time and space, I'll rip apart dimensions if it means that I can be with you for one single moment! Stride Generation! Metapulsar, Chronolight Peacock! [With much snark] Sorry to say, Emma, but you and your little...group have no chance of beating us! When the school tournament comes around, I'm afraid Team Breakerz will be the ones going on the Vanguard US Tour! --- [ART COMING SOON] "Key" [SUPPORTING] Key is...an interesting man. He's pretentious, has quite the god complex, and can be very, very, very vindictive sometimes. He speaks so eloquently, and is always surrounded with this sense of pretension. He's also one of those people who wears a scarf and a trench coat on 80 degree days. Prick. He's rarely seen without a book in his hand, and he takes pride in being everything a hipster should be. But unlike Mikhail, Key is able to hold his own at Vanguard quite well. He's one of the few people in school who can consistently beat Emma, and she (even though she'd rather die than say it to him) has to admit that he's quite the skilled player. He also keeps acting like he's going to be the sole bringer of the Rapture, and, no thank u Key uses Link Joker, and his avatar is Absolute Messiah. Key's voice, again, I don't have a character to compare it to. But he's got a very soft, soothing voice that's a little on the high side. It'd be calming if the things he talked about weren't either both so grim or so infuriating. He talks slowly, and of course, with a snarky and pretentious edge that drips from his vocabulary. Go for it, my dudes. Lines --- [Introducing himself] Hmmm? Ah, you must forgive me. I was lost in one of my many books. Do you love reading? I do too. It truly is such a magnanimous-eh? Introduce myself? [ahem] Well, if I must. You may call me "Key", and my avatar, Absolute Messiah, are sort of the trump card of Team Breakerz. I hope we can fight, and maybe I can enlighten you in the process. [Passionately, if he can even do that] Oh, sweet light shining from the heavens. Sometimes, the best medicine for sin, is a good and just punishment. Judgement day has come my friends, and I've set my sights on you! Stride Generation! Unforgiving Messiah! [Also full of snark] Ohhh, Beck. Beck, Beck, Beck. I assure you, your crude ways will not get you far in life. Especially at the school tournament. I'm afraid your..."waifus", was it? They and you both shall fall to your knees before the heavenly light of my Link Joker. --- [ART COMING SOON] Shellie Fjord [SUPPORTING] Shellie is Beck's little sister, but for someone four years his junior, she sure doesn't act like it. Around others she's annoying, rather petty, and loves to talk down to people. She's got an almost older sister-type vibe, always making sure everyone eats, gets their homework done, and doesn't make any stupid decisions. Not that she's above those stupid decisions herself, but "do as she says, not as she does". She's grown up learning Vanguard with Beck, and she's more than willing to let you know about it. Beneath her surface is a caring young girl who just wants her friends and family to succeed and be happy. Too bad there's eight layers of barnacles and superiority complexes to dig through first. Shellie uses Granblue, and her avatar is Seven Seas Executioner, Dallas. Her voice is high-pitched, kind of whiney, and is very much that archetypical "little sister" voice. Even when she enters her "big sis" mode, the only thing that changes is the tone of murder in her voice. She's quick to anger, yells a lot, and talks pretty damn fast. Good luck! Lines --- [Introducing herself] I'm Shellie Fjord! Don't mess with me, I'm the best Cardfighter at Saint Nociel's! You better watch yourself, I'm not afraid to throw down! And neither is my avatar, Seven Seas Executioner, Dallas! Get ready, 'cause I'm coming for your booty! [Passionately] We rise, we fall, and we get back up again! That's the pirate's life, and the pirate's life's for me! Victory is the greatest treasure, and that's what we'll always seek! Stride Generation! Seven Seas Captain, Ghostie Marmalade! [So much snark going on right now] Ooh! So some small fry with an outdated clan is supposed to scare me? Sorry sweetie, but living with Beck has taught me a lot. You and your "Tsukiyomi" or whatever don't scare me one bit! --- [ART COMING SOON] Honey Lumiere [SUPPORTING] Honey Lumiere has only been a teacher at St. Nociel's for a few years, but she's seemingly wise beyond her years. She's very soothing, motherly, and seems to have unending love in her heart for both her students and for learning. She's beloved by the faculty, and not just because she's the only person who can get certain rabblerousers under control (Emma). She supervises the Vanguard club, and while she's definitely far from the best, she's pulled more than enough out-of-left-field plays to make her a force to be reckoned with when the need arises. She's also very into "yoga" and "energies" and "going with the flow" and " Ms. Lumiere uses Dark Irregulars, and her avatar is Sera, Born of Darkness. Her voice is soft and sweet. She's got this very motherly tone to her that naturally draws people to her, but it can grow grating after awhile. She speaks with this loving, cheerful levity that's very pleasant, very bouncy, and very fun. Lines --- [Introducing herself] Hmm? Oh, is it my turn! Goody! Hello, I'm Ms. Lumiere. I'm the supervisor of the Vanguard club at St. Nociel's, and technically, the fourth member of Emma's team. Such a spunky little thing, isn't she? I'm not very skilled yet, but running the club has helped me learn! Don't underestimate me! My avatar, Sera, Born of Darkness and I can give you quite the surprise! [Passionately] If there was no darkness, there would be no light. Please, come forth from that harrowing future, and grant us your strength. For the darkness isn't evil, it is the truth! Stride Generation! Born of Darkness, Sinful Lumina! [Cheerfully] Good morning, students! My, my, I'm sensing quite a lot of tension in the room! What do you say we start today's meeting with some deep breathing exercises? I even brought my yoga tapes! --- So, yes, those are the three main characters (and then some!) of New World! If you do choose to audition-and thank you so much if you do, please send your lines to [email protected]! Send them as a .mp3 or a .wav file, please! Or, if you prefer something a little more direct, I also have a Casting Call Club project page for this very same project, which is a bit more organized and is an easier way to keep things together. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! Thank you so much again, and I hope you have a wonderful day! http://dlvr.it/P8fVLy www.voiceacting.space