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#this took forever but i'm strangely happy with how it came out <3
killuintense · 8 months
Note
could you write a one shot of Leon and fem!reader talking about having a baby together? Leon assuming he would have to go easy on the alcohol and y/n happy to give Leon baby plsss ily<3 vvvv
❝ baby fever ❞
leon kennedy x fem!reader.
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summary: the idea of confessing to you that incessant idea in his head to tell you that you would be an excellent mother, was consuming Leon.
content: 1.3k words, fluff, mention of pregnancy, a very cheesy and sweet Leon, mention of alcoholism, comfort.
note: i loved placing your request, thank you very much for making it and i hope you enjoy it, ilyyyy ♡ ♡
The night seemed to be calm and typical for that season of the year. The breeze was gently breezing and ruffling Leon's ashen hair as he quietly opened the door of the house without trying to make too much noise. It wasn't too late, but he didn't want to be loud, especially after spending all day at the main D.S.O. base taking care of paperwork and reports after his last assignment at Alcatraz prison. He laughed when he remembered your concern the moment you learned that he had been infected by a virus, blaming you for not accompanying him as you usually did being an important agent of the association.
"Ahmmm..." he heard a soft sound emitted by you from the kitchen and soon remembered that little detail. Your best friend had asked you as a last minute favor to babysit her baby for that whole day as family problems had arisen. She remembered the image of the morning. You, holding in your arms that little girl with golden hair and chubby cheeks, you and your look of love and tenderness. Leon would bet that he had never seen you make that face before, and a strange feeling welled up in his chest. Almost as if from his heart exploding in a feverish sense of need it was present "So goood, what a good girl, you like applesauce, don't you?" a complicit chuckle let itself be heard and Leon hesitated to enter the kitchen where your voice came from. He hesitated because he knew that if he came in and saw you behaving in such a natural and loving way with the little baby, many incoherent words and impulsive ideas would come out of his mouth.
However, the day had been long enough without wanting to see his beloved so he didn't hesitate to leave his blue leather jacket hanging in the entrance and enter the kitchen, watching how you held little Rosemary in your arms and gave her that preparation with enthusiasm "My love..." it almost came out in a sigh, and you admired it with surprise.
"Leon!" the excitement could be heard in your voice and dazzled in your eyes "I didn't hear the door, I'm sorry I didn't welcome you, Honey" you smiled and took the baby's little hand to improvise a greeting to Leon. He could feel his face heat up and if it wasn't for the baby on top of you, he would have run to lock you in his arms, sinking into a kiss that only he was capable of giving you. Before he could speak any more, though, the doorbell rang and soon you both realized that it was probably your friend finally showing up as promised.
He could see the disappointment in your eyes, knowing that if it was for you you could have her for another day playing with your cheeks as she laughed with amusement; and the blond wondered if he couldn't fall more in love, wondered if his love for you would make him explode. He needed to make you more his than you already were. He needed to sink into you in a different way and mark you, leave something of him forever in you.
"I really wish she would have stayed longer" you mentioned once the baby joyfully welcomed her mother's arms "You know you can trust me if you need help again" you offered and exchanged words of encouragement with your friend, cheering her up and congratulating her on having such a beautiful baby. Leon also waved, stood behind you with that soft smile he was only naturally able to do when he had you around. But he wasn't being enough. He wanted to close the damn door and tell you about that crazy idea that had been going around in his head since that morning he saw you with a little baby in your arms, about that feeling that invaded him when he took you by the waist hugging you and leaving a kiss on your lips and a soft caress on the little one's cheek before saying goodbye and leaving for work. He felt for the first time the feeling of a.... family. A family he only wanted to have if it was with you.
"Ah..." once you closed the door you stretched and yawned, hanging on the back of Leon's neck to hug him tightly "I really miss you today, big boy" you teased at the nickname, depositing a kiss on his jawline as scarred as it was rough, feeling the stubble of a couple of days unshaven.
"I missed you more..." he seemed as self-absorbed as ever, moving his hands from your waist to your belly, caressing it gently. It caught your attention that he would do that, of course, but you assumed he was affectionate because of the distance and remoteness that had consumed you during that week due to work. But you didn't think that Leon's mind was wandering in a need so primitive that it even saddened him "You really would make an excellent mother" he suddenly blurted out, staring at you as he gently bumped his forehead against yours and closed his eyes, sorry for pushing you into that situation.
"Is that a proposal, Kennedy?" you smiled, you loved it when he got shy like that. That remembered you when he was younger and still didn't know how to handle himself, how he wasn't able to carry all the traumas he had on his shoulders. "Leon... do you really think I would make a good mother?" you asked unsurely, a pressure in your chest made as it dawned on you that Leon wanted you to be the mother of his children. That he wanted to take that step with you.
"Obviously! Fuck, sometimes I find myself thinking about that too much" he smiled, kissing your cheek repeatedly causing you to giggle in amusement "Can you imagine? A little girl running all over the house, accompanying us everywhere, laughing and being happy..." his voice trailed off softly and he smiled "Being happy like we would have liked to be at some point. Not thinking about abandonment and the sadness of not having a home to return to" he squeezed your waist, as if trying to be aware that you were there, that you hadn't faded away. "And I know that last year was terrible... but I need to start again, I need to forget that I can drown my sorrows in alcohol" he murmured, ashamed of himself.
"Leon..." you took his cheek and smiled, kissing his lips softly "You'll make an excellent father, you know that, don't you?" a sparkle came into Leon's eyes, almost as if the hope of a future was opening in front of him, holding your hand, happy to move forward "Although to be honest, I'd like a mini Leon" you laughed, brushing your nose against his, in a sweet Eskimo kiss.
"If it's with you I wouldn't mind having a litter of mini Leons" he joked, though in a corner of his mind his almost animal instinct thought that if you let him he was capable of filling you completely until you couldn't take any more. 'We're not rabbits... for now' he thought, and chuckled to himself before he felt you pull away to go to the kitchen.
"Especially since I'm sure if she grows up to be a girl, she's going to be a spoiled daddy's princess" you said loud enough for him to hear and started cleaning up the dishes you had messed up during the day. Soon a giggle came closer and Leon's soft footsteps came into view, catching you around the waist as he let out a mocking sigh in your ear, sending a burst of electricity down your spine.
"Don't be like that, if you love that I spoil you, mh" he kissed your neck and you couldn't help but feel your body temper. You wouldn't give up that feeling of need for anything, that feeling of Leon wanting and having the instinct to take you in a way beyond what himself could have thought. You couldn't wait for the day to come, to one day have the privilege of having a seed of him growing inside you.
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charlewiss-writes · 1 year
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mein sieger / mick schumacher
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masterlist
day 15: win (part of one-word november prompts!)
pairing: mick schumacher x reader
summary: after haas had dropped mick in the 2022 season, it had been a whole journey back to feeling like himself again, and returning to the grid.
warnings: poor translated german. not proofreaded enough given that i should be sleeping rn jajdjsjs
word count: 1.2k
abu dhabi, 2022.
you had never seen mick like this.
he was pacing his small driver room, fuming. if he could, he would've been walking on the walls too. the german boy was speaking a mixture of english and german, and you could only pick up a few of the things that he was saying, everything that came off his mouth sounding so unlike him. he, that was normally calm as the ocean, now furious as a tropical storm.
"I can't believe this. they told me i was in! god, i never should have trusted them. now I've got nowhere to go. fuck!" it was so strange to hear him swearing that it caught you off guard. you knew he was furious, and he had every right to be: haas had promised him the seat for next season, and last moment had backed off. mick now found himself stranded, without the chance of picking another team, given that the one where he was currently in made sure that he shouldn't negotiate anywhere else, due to him having his seat for next season secured.
"mick, baby, I'm sure this isn't the end. you'll come back." obviously you had plenty of faith in the words you were saying, but you didn't knew how he would react to them. he continued, now stopping on his track to get close to you. "how? I just fuck up cars. I don't have a single point off the last races. I'm a fucking fraud" at that last sentence, his voice got cut off due to the sob that escaped his lips. you quickly jumped to hug him tightly. and even though he doubled you in size, in that moment, mick looked like a lost child, and your heart broke at the sight. "hey hey, we won't go into that. you know it's not only your fault, mickie".
"yeah, but who's without a seat for next season? me".
you took his head out of the crook of your neck, and looked straight into his eyes, the once blue ocean that you saw in them and that brought you so much calm, now looking devastated, as they were filled with tears. softly, you whispered for only him to hear. "and you'll come back. maybe not next year, but I'm sure you'll find a way. and I'll be here when you get another chance".
and mick had been waiting for another chance for a while now.
he maintained busy with activities that didn't involve racing cars during 2023, his first year off, which included building a big portfolio full of pictures he took throughout the year. for the first time in forever, he could be present for birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. and even when you were immensely happy to have him with you, getting to fall asleep and wake up next to him, you knew that on the back of his mind, he was waiting to get a chance back at accomplishing his dreams, an opportunity to come back like he deserved, to fulfill what he believed was meant for him. written in the stars, in a way.
his first step to get back came with joining indycar in 2024, where his old mate callum, who he had raced alongside on f2 during the 2020 season, welcomed him with open arms. and even though the spark in his eyes had lightened up again, still, it wasn't as bright as it used to be.
a spark that you only saw again when 2025 came, and his old friend, sebastian vettel, called on a random evening, announcing that he was the new team principal at ferrari. it wasn't surprising to you when mick told you that the older german wasn't just calling to share the good news: he wanted him to be a driver for the scuderia, the same one that was deeply connected to him and his family due to his father, who had engraved his name in history by becoming champion of the world five times while dressed in red.
so here you were now, back in bahrain, to witness another start of the season, 3 years after the last one you got to see in 2022. with mick dressed in ferrari red, you couldn't do anything less than wear the famous rosso corsa yourself, with the surname of your boyfriend and his number on your back: schumacher 47.
you thought being a few years older, the nerves that came with every racing weekend would have subdued by now. but it was quite the opposite, you soon realised, as the expectations on your boyfriend's back where even bigger than before. not only he was making his comeback, trying to prove everyone that didn't trust him back in haas that they were wrong, but he had to embrace the legacy that came with being a schumacher dressed in red.
thankfully, everything went great. not only the car was working really well with him, being instantly comfortable with it, but also his teammate, charles, was a dream. the two of them had previous history, being close in age and both having the pressure of having their fate already written for them: il predestinato and the prince, heir of the legacy.
"it's mick schumacher, and it's his first f1 win here in bahrain! the prince brings ferrari back to their winning ways. 1-2 for the scuderia, with charles leclerc coming second! what a great result for the team, what a great start of the season for the cavallino rampante! I'm sure sebastian vettel is buzzing on the garage!".
mick jumped off of the car as quickly as he could after parking it behind the sign that indicated that he had taken first place and won the race. the other red car parked behind him, in close second, and his dear friend esteban went third. he swore he could be dreaming: not only was he back in the grid, but he was now part of a competent team, with a competitive car where he could fight for wins and podiums, just like he wished all those years ago when he first reached the category.
the blonde boy made his way quickly to the red sea of mechanics that engulfed his body whole when he first got close to them, buzzing with the feeling of another great season for the scuderia after charles got his first world drivers championship a year earlier. once they had let your boyfriend go, he got closer to you, being close but not exactly in the middle of it all. you could swore that his smile right now could have lighten up the whole race track, and even the city, too. his hair was all messed up due to the inevitably sweat that came with being on the car for too long, but he still looked like the most beautiful man to ever exist.
you beamed at him when you reached for his face, grabbing him by his neck to bring him closer, so you could share a little moment where you told him what you had said to him since you've met him, but now, it had more meaning behind. "never been more proud of you, mein sieger".
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suckerforcate · 1 year
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Can I please request a Larissa Weems x Daughter
Who is a bit of an airhead like me! If Larissa said paint the town red as a metaphor reader will go try paint the town red literally to try and make her mother happy.
Airhead
Pairing: Larissa Weems x daughter!reader
Word Count: 947
Warning: none I think
A/n: I really liked this idea and I've taken your example with the "paint the town red". Hope you like it!!! <3
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All you wanted was to make your mother happy. At all times. Ever since you were eight years old and your mum had left the two of you. Larissa, of course, was a strong woman. She bit her way through the pain to be there for you, but you saw her weak moments. The moments no one else saw in which she thought it wouldn't work, she was being a terrible mother, or she would be alone forever.
So the little eight-year old (Y/n) made it her mission to make her mother happy, no matter the cost. The only problem was just that you could be quite mindless at times, some would say you're an airhead. You weren't stupid, not at all. Your grades were amazing, you could explain hard science with an ease, but you were rather life-stupid. If that's what you could call it. You took everything too literal and sometimes questioned your mother about basic things. How do you use a coffee machine again?
So often your mother told you things, metaphorically, and you took it absolutely literally.
------------------------------
Just last week your mother had told you about something she was very passionate about and jade used the idiom "It's the best thing since sliced bread." You were bad with idioms and metaphors in general, you had no chance with British ones.
"Mum, I'm not sure sliced bread is that great. So doesn't seem like you're as passionate about it as you claim." Larissa loved you, but sometimes she could kill you.
"(Y/n), I didn't mean that literally. It's an idiom in England." She rolled her eyes.
"Oh, sorry mum." She chuckled, slightly amused at your mindlessness.
--------------------
And that's how you had gotten yourself in this rather stupid situation.
You're mum had talked to you, she said you would spend too much time at home. Truth be told you didn't like going out and rather spend time with her. But she wanted you to leave and said, I quote: "Go paint the town red or something.". And with that she had shoved you out the door.
You did think it was a little strange that she wanted you to paint the town red, but if it made her happy, you'd do it.
Right in the middle of painting the town red (Yeah, you were that stupid) a very nice lady came up to you and introduced herself as Aviva.
"Could I ask, how old exactly are you and why on earth are you painting the wall." She chuckled a bit, you liked her. She didn't scold you for it, she was just being nice. But the age question did hurt. You were 16, you just looked like a 12-year-old. So you told her, and you also told her what your mum had said.
"Darling, I don't think she meant that literally."
"Oh crap, I already thought something like that." Aviva laughed and thought for a second.
"Do you want me to call your mum? You have paint all over you, I think you'd better don't touch a phone." Embarrassed you looked down your body and at your hands. Apparently you also couldn't paint.
"That would be really nice." You told her where your phone was, and she called Larissa.
While waiting for your mum, Aviva helped you clean up the wall. Thankfully you hadn't come very far, most of the paint had found its way onto you. Aviva had also given you her number, if you'd ever need someone to call in town.
As your mum arrived, you knew she was angry just by the way she got out of the car. She did spare you the humiliation of yelling at you in front of Aviva, but as you sat in the car, doors closed and Aviva out of sight she wasn't to stop.
"What have I done wrong? Why can't you just be a normal child, doing normal teenage-stuff. Other mothers pick up their child in the middle of the night, wasted. I have to pick you up because you painted a wall red, how old are you? Eight?" That hit hard, you were eight when you decided to make her happy. She wasn't happy, at all. And it was your fault.
"I'm sorry, mum." Your voice came out thin through the silent tears. At that she finally looked at you, shocked that you were crying.
"Honey, come here. I'm sorry for what I said, I was too harsh." You shook your head.
"It's not that, you're right. I do act like a child, but I just wanted to make you happy. When mum left," hurt flashed through her eyes. You didn't talk about this often, "I decided that I wanted to make you happy, always. And in my eight-year-old brain that meant doing whatever you said, if it made you happy. And I know I take things to literal, but I just always want to make you laugh. After mum-, after she left I didn't see you laugh a lot." Larissa was stunned, she never knew there was so much thought behind your mindlessness. She was also very moved.
"Oh Darling, thank you. I'm very moved that you'd do that for me, but it's not your job to make me happy. You should focus on your own happiness." You smiled at her.
"But I'm happy, if you're happy. And please don't force me to go out again, I'd much rather spend my time with you. You're my best friend." Larissa had to blink away a few tears.
"I have done nothing wrong with you, you turned out quite alright." You chuckled into her chest, having been pulled into a tight hug.
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levi-supreme · 1 year
Note
Hi sunshine! I missed talking to you so much and even though you said I don't have to apologize I feel terribly sorry to take such a long time to reach you back 😔
I'm really late but I wanted to wish you all the happiness and love this year has to offer. I keep you in my thoughts and I hope you and your loved ones are doing well during these hard times. I'm also really proud of how much you and your blog have achieved during your time here on Tumblr. I've always known, even when I first found your blog, that with your kindness, sweetness and talent you would have gone far. You deserve every inch of what you have reached and even more! I'll always be grateful to you for keeping me company and for making me feel better even at my lowest ❤️
After all this time, you're still a model to me, someone I admire and I aspire to become like. I love you with all my heart 💖 ~[🧸]
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Kermit was me when I woke up to your ask in my inbox, my dearest 🧸 anon!!! I'm sorry I took so long to reply, and I'm sure you're already awake by the time you see this. I hope your day is going well!! <3
I missed talking to you too, my dear! But don't worry, you don't have to apologise at all!! I hope you're recovering well after your surgery and you're spending loads of quality time with your family, friends, and loved ones 😌✨️ don't worry about not reaching out too!!! I'll always be here no matter where you go (*^^*)
Thank you so much for your kind words my sweet 🧸!!! I wish the same for you and your family as well, and that you'll be happy and healthy in 2023!! You're always in my thoughts too, and I'm always hoping for the best for you!! 💕
I'm eternally grateful to you for supporting me since the very beginning when my blog was still nothing. You're one of my longest and earliest followers, and I'm so thankful to have you on my tumblr journey 😭❤️ your kind words and encouragement helped me through the tough times as well, and your companionship made me feel better when I felt like I was all alone. I hope my blog, my work, and my presence continue to comfort you when you need me, and I'll always be here for you too. I'm so grateful that you came across my blog and my work a long time ago, and I'll forever treasure this amazing bond we have!
Even now, I'm still in awe when you tell me that I'm your model and that you want to be like me 🥺✨️ I still can't believe that I have this kind of influence over people haha. Thank you for believing in me, and I hope that my blog and my work continue to make you proud and happy too!!
I love you very much too, my 🧸 anon!! 💖
Some more verbal diarrhoea and life update for you under the cut XD
I was scrolling through our old conversations, and you mentioned playing sim city and animal crossing. Well guess what?? My bf and I got a switch before Christmas, and guess who is playing animal crossing too!!!! I'm still a beginner and I'm still building my island lol, but I'm having so much fun!! It's so much less stressful than cities skylines LMAO, I love animal crossing so much 🥺
I don't know if you know, but this year, I organised Happy Birthday Levi for the second year round!!!! It was hard trying to manage an event all by myself again, and I was so stressed and worried because it wasn't getting as much attention and traction compared to last year's. But I'm so thankful to have supportive writer friends who helped take some pressure off my shoulders by writing more than one work for my event!! I'm glad I organised this event again this year to celebrate Levi's birthday! I'm not sure if I want to bring this back again this year, but... we'll see!!
I'm still trying my best to juggle work, studying, and writing, but I'm so excited for my new semester!! I got the modules I want and I'm looking forward to classes lmao. I'm also strangely motivated to want to study hard and do well because I did study harder in my previous semester and my GPA improved 😂😂 he ain't real, but I can totally imagine Levi being extremely happy and proud of me for putting in the effort haha.
I hope life is treating you well my dear 🧸, and I can't wait to hear more from you too!!! Please take care, drink more water, get enough sleep, and eat your fruits and veggies!! I love you very very much xoxo 💖
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ymfps · 2 years
Text
Timeline pt 1
MARCH
03 Midnight Call 01:03 AM -- 02:12:26
07 Midnight Call 10.05 PM -- 03:19:26
10 Midnight Call 12.30 AM - 01:07:19
Salman Avenue
16 Midnight Call 10:40 PM -- 02:23:00
22 Naureen Mini Garden + Ayam Sambal Mangga
Kinibalu (double date)
31 Bontang Trip started!!
It feels so nice to backhugging him again
APRIL
01 Beras Basah Island
we took a photo, just the two of us hoho!!!!
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER~
I remember we jalan kaki berdua mutar2i pulau kek orang
bego wkwkwkwkk
02 Taman Mangrove
we took a photo again yuhuu
a lil romantic but aw I love walking together with him <3
he took some photo of me (candid) so sweet, he gave me
his jacket aww I'm melting u,u I just like him more
04 the sad news :(
how he ask me to went out for the last time before he go
wk and he send me a video of him singing me a song uuu
05 Tepian (depan Islamic) + Bakso Dongkrak
he gave me a hand watch⌚❣️
( and he left to Sebulu huhu )
06 he went to Balikpapan
at night after Dinner night with tim ritrit we talked over the
chat till 2 AM
07 he slept first so okay but I got mad cause he
ignoring my morning message (twice!!)
so we talked about ex haha :)🤘👍
10 Night Call 9.45 PM --- 33:41
Midnight Call 11.02 PM -- 56:14
13 Midnight Call 12.38 AM -- 01:32:44
23 Midnight Call 12.39 AM -- 01:50:39
26 Midnight Call 11.04 PM -- 03:31:57
MAY
2 he made me mad :( the problem? ghosting ofc
3 more and more, he ghosted me again
4 at dawn trying to explain the problem but I was
sleepy so tbc
in night after went home from PD paskah in Grace's house, trying to called him but busy but yeah eventually he called me
Midnight call 11.44 PM -- 01:10:21
5 but I ended it separetly bc the truth hurts me so
bad; we fix it in the end until 4.00 AM
in night we talked over chat till tomorrow
6 talked over chat till tomorrow
7 Paskah PMK, and little communication with him
8 I thought he ghosted me or he was super busy
turn out he was only sleeping till afternoon and he called
me bc I already get upset
Night Call 10.01 PM -- 07:20 (but it get turned off)
again 10.10 PM -- 01:55:51
9 We fight because of stupid things
10 to be continue
He changed his number phone on WhatsApp :(
11 We tried so hard to fix it
12 Please remember he didn't congratulate you on
your birthday, I still hate that part!!!
13 He finally arrived in Bpp, we talked over the chat
I miss him so much
14 He went back to Sebulu
15 Hapsun, we talked over the chat (plz read it wk)
16 We promised to watch Dr. Strange tomorrow
he finally in here! in Samarinda AKKHHHHH
17 Suprise birthday event (wasn't suprised btw) +
Vlorry Cafe (gajadi nonton karena kelamaan)
he sang me happy birthday + congratulatory
through vn
18 I fluttered when he came to Perkantas for EE
but he suddenly gone, I asked him when I got home
and the respond got me angry
19 trying so hard to not angry anymore but he
always get on my nerves
in Perkantas we didn't talk, we didn't see eye to eye
stupid me thinking he would reach out for me :(
from EE started till it's over we didn't make a move
20 he reach out at night asking me if I still angry
ofc I am!!!
we talked about it after I wait for him to get his food
22 deeptalk (setelah pulang partonggoan)
awal mula disappointment (but tried so hard to resist it)
23 masih berusaha :)
Jemput buat Rapat Insidental PMK
he did it again, I am so angry and sad :(
24 can't hold it anymore, I am beyond angry
I am tired, dizzy, sad. I hate that feeling but in the end I'm
giving in, I give myself to him no matter how stupid his
action to break my heart. But the biggest joke is me right?
25 XXI City Centrum (Dr. Strange) + Ayam Sambal
Mangga
27 Jemput buat Pelatihan WL + I gave him apple
28 Jemput buat LL EE + Coto Makassar (malming
ciyee) tapi tuh malamnya aku ngambek
29 ntahlah
semalam dah kelar tapi malamnya nyari penyakit lagi
30 marahan👍
31 again, but we had lunch with Berlin in Warung
Gunung and went to Tepian to solve the problem
but yes my friend it didn't finish well
JUNE
1 HUT Perkantas (couple outfit u,u)
2 starting point marahan lagi dan lagi :)
3-4 marahan, we solved it ofc but please this the most heartbreaking and stressful argument we ever had
4 I called him (finally we call again)
11.30 PM -- 01:04:09
bahas pertemuan 19 yg aku gak ikutan itu
5 Happy Sunday
I gave him my pictures, preparing Darius' PDD gift
6 Midnight call 11.11 PM -- 01:01:25
Darius PDD, he has service in Perkantas, I went to PMK meeting alone, I got upset wkwk, he called me anyway
7 Happy 100th Day
his MUEPT test but sadly he didn't succes :(
at night we talked in chat but suddenly the electricity got turn off until next one hour later. I chat him again but no respond, I thought he slept so I called him, btw he was playing ML hmm
8 Midnight call 12.59 AM -- 45:36
- I got upset cz he didn't called me after I miscalled him, but
yeah he called me later on
- We talked a lot in chat till morning 1.30 AM (he asked me to
get lunch together tomorrow), just read the chat it's funny
9 Lunch together in Lalapan Alfaiz
He acted strange at night, at first it was funny but Idk why I got very irritated with his behavior so yeahh I mad at him wk, and after that we talked by the phone
10 Morning call 01.14 AM -- 01:50:36
Ibadah PMK&KBMK + Nasi Ayam Ganja
11 He was in the meeting with Pemuridan but I
slept even when I got the notif from him, poor him
12 Midnight call 12.38 AM -- 01:33:11
Wake up call 07.15 AM -- 02:20
13 yeahh!!! we fight and make up (midnight)
Night call 10.23 PM -- 27:24
Midnight call 11.04. PM -- 01:17:43
14 he went to Sangata :( sampling
Wake up call 05.00 AM -- 00:41
Night call 10.44 -- 19:55
15 he's so busy u,u mmm kangen deh
16 he's back!! but stupid him, he forget to tell me👍
Night Call 11.15 PM -- 29:52
17 he was so busy till he couldn't join Ibadah
Peneguhan Panitia KATA
18 emotional damage, I was very upset but when I
think about it I'm the one who make it worse
It just you know lah... I just miss him a lot
And I got 2 missed call babe! yeah I do it in purpose
Midnight Call 11.17 PM -- 02:08:16
19 he's not feeling well :(
I want to ask him out after church, but he didn't pick up
the phone cz he is not feeling well. Poor him
Night Call 10.50 PM -- 38:57
20 aku KTB atas di Wargun, quickly go home so I
can called him
21 Midnight call 12.07 AM -- 18:26 but get cut off
(again) Call 12.27 AM -- 28:10
So here's the problem everybody....
I did something stupid, I muted the call for a long time (maybe 10 minutes Idk) while I do my night routine in bathroom. So yeah he end the call and vn me right after that saying me goodnight. But Idk why I feel just not so good :)
So I show him I was upset and the things keep showing up... the lie, teasing which make me more upset yehett
He say sorry ofc and I hate if we fight till tomorrow so we
ended it beautifully. He gave me another video of him❤️
Sadly I get irritated again in the day😀 he is stupid akhhhh. I don't want to blame the moon cycle but my mood was so freaking weird. So we keep doing the child fight but when I think abt it again... It just bcz I miss him so bad
Midnight call 11.28 PM -- 02:14:43
22 we solve it and make a deal to meet in evening
KFC Big Mall (keliling2 naik motor, mengitari
jalanan yg udah dilalui wk, mampir ke Indomaret
aku dijajanin banyak hari ini😗😻)
Midnight call 11.32 PM -- 02:03:05
we talked a lot of things such as my Mom things, how I feels abt him, what I want in this relationship yeahh banyak lah. Intinya aku sayang betul sama dia sudah, and so he is :)
23 literally there's no f problem but why whyyy
24 right in the midnight I got very2 upset by him
Midnight call 11.22 PM -- 02:24:25
25 he went to Kaliorang (Berau) for sampling :(
I miss him already, ditambah no text from him
26 at night we finally texting but I got upset (ofc)
bc I thought he just left the chat
phoning (
27 I text him good morning, he replied
I don't text him goodnight, and so he is :(
28 I thought he'll text me in morning, but he don't
I thought he'll text me at night, but he don't
did he forget?
29 so I text him at 12.45 AM dan ternyata centang 1
intinya I was beyond mad that time
I finally got his repond in the morning at 7.30 AM
but my heart already break so I ignore him in purpose
30-31 bediaman.... haha
yah memang endingnya dia cerita kendala dia gak hubungi aku tapi tetap sakit siyal!!!
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miirabel · 2 years
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THE MADRIGAL FAMILY + celestial bodies
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elainevc · 3 years
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please stay pt. 2
fem!reader x levi
⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️: Mentions of blood, vomit, low appetite, weight loss, illness, needles, angst
Please do not read if these themes are triggers. Your mental health is more important than stories on the internet. Please take care of yourself <3
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Weeks had passed since Levi had confessed. Your health wasn't getting better, but it wasn't getting worse. So, he took that as a blessing.
Hange did experiments and tests every day. They discovered you had alba rheumatismus rulmonum; your lungs were slowly collapsing and you weren't healing because your body was too busy trying to get the nutritions you lacked.
She explained that it was common in women who lived inside wall Rose. Only thirty years ago was a cure developed. The disease practically disappeared after that.
But now that you were diagnosed, the cure was difficult to get a hold of. Erwin had to pull some very special strings to get the syringe in their hands. It was nerve-wracking to say the least, but you wanted to get better. The survey corps needed as many soldiers as they could get and you weren't about to roll over and be killed by a little coughing.
The finally came when the procedure would take place. The 104th cadets visited you in the morning to wish you good luck. Sasha made sure to show up with a bowl of soup from breakfast.
Before they left, Levi entered the room and shooed them out.
He walked over to your bedside and carefully grabbed your hand. His cold fingers traced over your skin.
"How are you feeling," he asked like he was almost afraid of the answer.
"Eh, could be worse. At least I'm not titan food." He smiled but it wasn't genuine. The air was tense as he got lost in his rhoughts.
His eyes had a far-away look in them as he stared at your intertwined hands. When you squeezed he met your gaze. You lifted your hand to cup his cheek and like a cat he leaned into your touch. You gently led him down to your face.
"Don't be so dramatic. It's not like I'm gonna die," you joke but he doesn't seem entertained.
He was only focused on your lips as he met your mouth to his. It was soft and tender and you could feel how much emotion he was trying to convey. Levi always struggled to express his feelings and you were aware of this.
Just as you were about to start moving, he pulled away.
"Promise me you'll stay," he nearly pleaded with you. He was desperate. You smiled and nodded. Like hell you were going to leave him all by himself.
It was strange watching the seemingly emotionless captain breakdown in front of you. You knew better than anyone that he did in fact care about his comrades and he just struggled to express that.
"Hey," you spoke softly with your fingers pulling his chin up to face you, "I'm not gonna leave you."
He took in a long breath to settle his nerves and nodded.
Erwin and Hange entered quietly, a small box tucked under the section commander's arm. She began preparing the injection while Erwin walked over to you.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm ready to get this over with so I can get back out in the field."
Erwin hummed in response. His brows were furrowed in thought. Despite your long-standing friendship with him, the commander still found a way to make you nervous. Or maybe it was your body preparing for the next few days of hell. Either way, his gaze was frightening and you found yourself gripping Levi's hand a little.
Hange walked over with gloves on and the needle ready for you.
You forced yourself to put on a brave face and roll up your sleeve. They wiped your skin down and meet your eyes. The needle was inches from your skin but felt like it was already in.
They slowly pierced the skin and flushed the syringe dry of... whatever was inside.
It didn't feel any different. She pulled away and returned to the box to clean the supplies. Erwin placed a patch of thin gauze over the injection.
Levi helped you stand and led you to your room. You all agreed it would be best to go through the side effects in a comfortable environment. The cadets had helped move some buckets and what-not into the room earlier that morning.
You sat on your bed carefully and Levi stayed standing in front of you. He watched you sway a little as you felt fatigue grab a hold of you.
He knelt down so he was eye level with you. His steel blue irises stared intently at you. Neither of you spoke for a long moment before he decided to put his hand on the side of your face.
His fingers tickled your ear and his palm was warm against your cheek. You moved forward slightly to meet him.
Your lips connected with his in a soft, tender kiss. It was passionate as he tried to convey everything he was feeling in one single moment. He tasted like black tea and you found yourself loving that.
The two of you separated but he leaned in again to kiss your forehead sweetly.
You felt like you could melt right then and there.
"Geg some sleep brat. You don't need to feel any worse tomorrow." You grinned up at him. He didn't mean for it to be funny but he enjoyed your smile nonetheless.
You moved to get comfortable and fell asleep quickly under the covers. Levi sat in an armchair tucked in the corner. He never got much sleep anyway so staying up to make sure you would be okay wasn't a problem to him.
The night passed uneasily. The medication was starting to sink in and your body was becoming more uncomfortable every hour. You tossed and turned relentlessly but never once woke from your sleep.
Levi stood and poked your cheek. You stirred a little but didn't wake. He poked you again until you opened your eyes and looked at him.
"Come on, you need to eat something."
The covers were too warm to leave their safe embrace so you simply curled into them more. Levi rolled his eyes at you and left the room to prepare your breakfast.
He knew you appreciated a cup of tea when you didn't feel good.
The kitchen was oddly silent and Levi wondered where the cadets had gone. Sasha must have already had her breakfast if she wasn't in the kitchen at the moment.
Levi carried the tray of food back to your room, but when he entered your bed was empty.
The sound of gagging came from the bathroom. He set the tray down and hurried to your side. You were hunched over a bucket hurling your innards out. Yeah this was Levi, and he was obviously grossed out by the vomit, but a part of him still wanted to kneel by your side and comfort you.
He decided on a happy medium of pulling your hair back (or rolling up your sleeves if you don't have hair or wear a cap) and resting a hand on your back.
You finished shortly after and cleaned your mouth. It was safe to say you weren't hungry any more.
You returned to the bed as a sudden wave of heat hit your body. Sweat formed on your skin and threatened to drip down your face.
"Levi.. can I get a cold cloth," you ask quietly.
He nods and comes back to your side with a brown towel. He adjusts it on your forehead and instantly feel better. You cough a little to clear your throat, but this sends you into a coughing fit.
You sit up and continue into your arm. The familar taste of iron fills your mouth and soon the inside of your sleeve is coated with blood.
Fuck, this was going to be a shitty week.
The next few days were filled with your constant changing temperature and occasional vomitting. Hange assured Levi that this was the normal process and that you would get better soon. He didn't believe it entirely, or maybe that was just his cynical side.
Your thinning frame and pale skin reminded him too much of his mom. You barely ate anything and couldn't get out of bed most of the time. The bucket seemed to always be in use.
Levi hated watching you like this. He hated seeing you fall apart in front of him and that there was nothing he could do about it.
He knew that the best thing to do was to trust Hange and Erwin buf that was harder than he thought. His trust dwindled the worse you got and the two of them knew he was nervous. They saw the way he looked at your sleeping form, the way he hurried to fulfill any sudden need of yours.
It was all too unsure for him to be relaxed.
The day you stood from your bed on your own was the day he felt his heart beat a little faster.
The day you were able to walk without assistance made him want to run to you and pick up. He wanted to twirl you around in one swift motion and hold your body close to his.
The day you ate 3 whole meals was the day Levi made a promise to himself.
He promised himself to never let you go and to keep you safe until the moment he dies. He promised to protect you and never see you hurt ever again.
He wanted you to stay with him and be his forever.
That was all he wanted after that.
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dizzydancingdreamer · 3 years
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Steve Rogers, The Man On Fire
Hey y'all, as Pride month draws to a close I would like to post this fic. It's been in my drafts for a month and I finally today found the motivation to finish it. This is special to me for many reasons, one of which being that I'm proudly a part of this community. Some of the anger written in is my own. I think a lot of people will resonate with it. I really hope you all enjoy this and happy Pride Month <3
This was based loosely off a headcannon and once I re-find it I will credit!
Synopsis: Steve is freshly thawed, queer, and pissed | A.k.a. Steve's experience in 21st Century America
Characters: Steve Rogers, Mentions of Bucky Barnes, (loosely a Stucky fic but Steve thinks he's dead here)
Warnings: Angst but not bad, Steve Rogers being volatile and chaotic (we love), poorly written accents (I literally read this with an accent in my head), literally a 2k monologue
Word count: 5.1k
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Steve Rogers came out of the ice angry.
No— not angry— Steve Rogers came out of the ice fuckin’ furious.
He came out of the ice with his hands curled into two fists, with his jaw clenched so hard his teeth were liable to snap, and with a bone to pick with every damn reporter and historian and too loud opinion on this side of the Brooklyn Bridge.
He came out simmering— no, erupting— like the serum in his blood couldn’t keep his body from hibernation all those years ago but it sure as hell won’t keep him from setting the entirety of New York on fire now. He’ll burn it all down if he has to and rebuild it the way he remembers it— the way Bucky would have remembered it— and at the end of it all no one— not the bigots or deniers or the homophobes that seem to be the only thing that came with him from the forties— will be able to say that Captain America can’t love whoever he wants.
No one will be able to say that Steve Rogers didn’t love James “Bucky” “the man I’ve loved since twelve years old” Barnes with everything he had and then some.
No one.
So he starts with the museums in Washington— because sure it isn’t New York but where else would a relic like himself belong more?
He still has hope when he enters the building. They didn’t make them like this when he was a kid— they had science fairs in the town hall and culture fairs in the backstreets near the docks but never anything this grand. No tall marble pillars or enough stairs to make him wonder if he would have been able to climb to the top when he was half the size he is now. It’s strange. It’s kind of wonderful. Yeah, the Smithsonian museums make Steve Rogers feel small for the first time in a very long time and that gives him hope.
That hope doesn’t last long, though, because soon he’s wandering through the halls, following the signs that say Captain America: The First Avenger— what the hell is an Avenger? Is that what they’re calling soldiers these days? Now he feels small and old.
Turning the corner is like landing on another planet, one devoted entirely to him. His picture is everywhere he looks, his name is in lights, even his damn uniform has been replicated and presented on a little stage and he hates it. The rage is back, sparking at his fingers— he’s a match and lucky for everyone this building is made of stone because if it wasn’t he’s sure it would be reduced to nothing but ash by now.
It only worsens as he begins reading through the plaques and the paragraphs flashing across screens on the walls— he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that. The more he reads, though, the more he wonders if the stone is really, truly safe from the fire in his blood. He doesn’t think it is.
He surely isn’t at least— he feels like he’s going to explode. This isn’t him— none of this is him. War hero. Martyr. Golden boy. He has to stop reading that plaque— clearly no one did their research. Clearly no one dug up his medical files— or his police records. Brawls at the pub, disorderly conduct behind Mr. De Luca’s sandwich shop, public nudity at the beach that one time— thank you Bucky for the best night of his god damn life. Golden boy— ha.
Golden nobody with the black eye and broken hand is more like it.
For a moment he thinks he’s fine— he thinks it can’t get worse than this. Then he gets to the early life section and for an even longer moment his tongue tastes like gunpowder.
Steven Grant Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his friend James Buchanan Barnes—
He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence— not when they already got the most important part wrong. Friend. Friend? No, no, no. No! There are a million words in the english language that Steve could use to describe Bucky and ‘friend’ will never be the first one.
How about best friend?
How about partner in crime?
How about soulmate who loved Steve so much that every night for the past forty-eight days since he woke up in an era that Bucky doesn’t exist in he’s cried himself to sleep with the same cherry cola taste of his ‘friend’ on his tongue.
It’s the final straw— Steve loses it.
“Anyone got a marker?”
The museum is quiet before he speaks but when his voice— steadily rising and taking on that New York headiness that his troops used to jazz him about— cuts through the exhibit— his fuckin’ exhibit— it’s silent. It’s dead, almost as dead as Buck— Nobody dares move a muscle as he rips his ball cap off his head and throws it at the statue of himself. Everyone knows who he is— everyone is going to know who he is so help him god.
“I said—” he tries again— “does anyone have a marker?”
It takes a moment for the people around him to pick their jaws up off the floor and he allows them that moment with a smug grin starting to tug on the corners of his lips. Finally— they’re starting to get it.
He’s not a hero; he’s a supernova of every scrawny, queer kid who’s ever gotten beaten to a pulp for kissing who they want.
Maybe then it’s fitting that the marker— when it’s finally produced and placed in his waiting palm— comes from a teenage girl with a shaved head and a blue, pink, and purple denim jacket and a busted lip. She doesn’t say much— only a mumbled here you go— but her eyes say everything that her words don’t. Give em’ hell, Cap. For the first time since waking up he flashes a genuine grin back— yeah, this one’s for you kid.
Steve wastes no time uncapping the sharpie— he’ll look that one up later— and scratching out the error. The blasphemy to his unholy name. It takes him a little longer to decide what to write in its place. There are a million words, sure, but somehow none of them feel right at this moment. None of them are enough. That’s something he’ll have to come to terms with later, though— how much nothing feels like enough anymore without Bucky.
Finally Steve settles on a word and he scribbles it as neatly as he can given the fact that he hasn’t had to write anything in eighty years. When he takes a step back, feeling alive for the first time since waking up, he beckons over the girl with the shaved head and points to the place where he’s taken it upon himself to correct history.
“Hey kid, why don’t you go ahead and read that outloud for everyone here.”
He allows another moment— this time because she deserves the time it takes for her eyes to light up and the smile to stretch across her bruised mouth.
Steve laughs— a rusted, croaky laugh; another first in forever— when her head whips around, facing him as she loudly proclaims: “It says boyfriend. Steve Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his boyfriend Bucky Barnes!”
“Damn right I did—” he mutters to the kid before taking a step towards the crowd of gaping mouths. “Did you all hear that? Don’t worry if ya’ didn’t— I’ll say it one more time. Boyfriend. Bucky was my boyfriend and if he was here today he would be my husband. If any of you have a problem with that then feel free to take it up with me. I took on half of Brooklyn for that man and I’ll do it again.”
When no one says anything Steve nods, turning to hand the girl back her marker and to thank her— he may be angry but he hasn’t lost all his manners— but when he looks at her she doesn’t look back. Instead she takes the same step forward that he had, one of her hands balled into a tiny, shaking fist at her side and the other wrapped around a cell phone that’s pointed towards the crowd. He doesn’t understand the mechanics but he thinks she’s recording.
“You hear that?” She parrots the super soldier with a wavering but fierce voice. “Captain America likes men! And none of you can deny it!”
This time it’s his mouth that drops, watching as she shakily turns the camera off and spins back around. Before Steve can say anything, though, she’s talking again, this time hastier, and he can’t help but think that she sounds so much like him. All flushed and scrawny and pissed.
“I’m sorry, I’ll delete the recording if you want but, I jus’ know these bigots are gonna’ try and cover everything up and that would be a fuckin’ shame. I don’t know if you know how many kids need to hear this. I did— and I think they should too. Only if you want, of course.”
He doesn’t answer right away— he can’t. It’s like looking at himself at fifteen. Suddenly he’s back again, his feet hanging in the water as his boyfriend paces behind him, asking if he’s ready to have him look at his knuckles yet. He didn’t get that many good punches in— the scrapes are mostly from the pavement— but Buck always worries too much so it doesn’t matter. The protective idiot.
Steve shakes his head, blinking away the sunset lingering behind his eyes. “Bucky woulda’ loved you, kid.”
The next time he loses it— the next time he turns into more flame than man— is after he saves the city he’s been trying to burn down for three months.
It isn’t long after that day in the museum when Nick Fury decides it would be best for everyone if Steve goes back into the field. Of course, no one really asks him what he wants— they pretty much just shove a new suit into his hands and tell him to get training, Captain— but what else is new?
No one really comments on his outburst besides that either. Can you really call it an outburst when you’re just trying to reclaim the parts of you that have been stolen? Sure, the press gets a hold of the story and, true to what the kid had said, tries to twist it into something more digestible, but no one actually addresses it up with Steve. Apparently when someone saves the world as good as he does no one cares that they kiss men.
Or that they don’t wanna’ to actually save the world anymore.
See, in those three months— between the training and training and even more training that Steve Rogers begrudgingly obliges— he has time to catch up on the world. More importantly, he has time to catch up on what the world thinks of him. He scours a plethora of documentaries, scholarly essays, and whole books of information about his time as Captain America. Well— his time as Captain America when it mattered. In all his scouring he learns one thing: everything written about him is wrong.
It’s all so fuckin’ wrong.
Just why the hell would he want to save a world so bent on destroying who he is?
The Smithsonian exhibition was nothing compared to what’s been written in the eighty years he spent in the ice. Better yet, nothing compared to what hasn’t been written about him. They’ve taken an eraser to every part of his life that doesn’t fit with the golden image that they constructed for him. A.k.a. every part that matters. His relationship, his past, every little thing that made him supposedly perfect for the role he was given. Gone. Erskine told him he was a good man— apparently he was the only one who thought so.
Apparently being a good man isn’t good enough.
They only wanted the perfect soldier. Yeah, well, they had one and they fucked him over too. Don’t even get him started on what they did to Bucky— Steve doesn’t want to think about what Winnifred— Winnie for short— Barnes would do if she saw the history books erasing her baby’s Jewish roots. Or his relationship. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for damn sure. If ever there was someone more protective than Bucky it would have been his mother. Not that there’s a damn note about her in anything either though.
Maybe that’s the final straw that does him in this time— watching the place that Mrs. Barnes loved more than almost anything else in the world crumble, while also knowing that the world no longer gives a shit about the two people she loved more.
“Mr. Rogers, this is where you grew up, is it not? Is there anything you would like to say about what took place here in your home city today?”
Maybe he pretends not to hear the last part— maybe he really does only hear up until where the reporter asks him if there is anything he wants to say. He’s been around quite his fair share of explosions; it would make sense that his hearing is a little off. Maybe he just doesn’t care anymore, though.
Scratch that— he definitely doesn’t care anymore.
And why the fuck should he? He does have something to say and propriety be damned he’s going to say it.
Steve stares into the crowd of faceless reporters and flashing cameras with a scowl on his grimey face. Around him stand the other Avengers— his ‘team’. The last time he had a team the historians screwed up the history for every single member. Dugan, Morita, Falsworth, Jones, Dernier, Sawyer, Juniper, Pinkerton. Barnes. All of them were brave men with families and sacrifices and all of them were treated like jokes by ‘reporters’ just like the ones in front of him now. He really doubts there’s a difference between old and new journalism.
The only difference is that now he’s here and this time he’s not going to let them write anything but the damn truth.
“It is—” Steve muses, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead— “I’m surprised you know that though.”
The reporter cocks his head, clearly confused, and it makes the super soldier’s blood boil. “Come again, sir?”
“I said I’m surprised you know where I was born, kid.” This time when he says the word— kid— it’s derogatory. “Ya’ know, considering how you all seem to know nothing about me otherwise.”
Steve almost smiles at the way the crowd tenses. He actually would if it weren’t for the white hot rage coursing through his veins, mingling with the last of the adrenaline leftover in his system. It gives him an extra kick— not that he needs it. Even when he was just a runt from the wrong side of the tracks he needed nothing more than an offhand comment to raise his fists. Fighting to Steve Rogers has always been intoxicating— the aftershocks of winning the battle just makes it more thrilling now.
Who knew, right?
“Sir I asked—” The reporter sputters and Steve simply holds a hand up, silencing him before he can start again.
“Yeah I know what you asked, alright. You want me to talk about the battle here in New York today and how I am more than happy to have risked my life to save it. But I can’t do that, kid. Because I didn’t save it for you. I didn’t save it for any of you.”
Steve feels his team tense— maybe were it any other time he would stop talking. He would just leave it, let the issue go, because Bucky would tell him too. They aren’t worth it, bruiser, he would say, they aren’t worth your blood. Maybe he would listen to his boyfriend because usually he was right. Bucky was always right. So yeah, maybe he would list—
Who is he kidding; he knows he wouldn’t.
Not then and certainly not now— not when Bucky isn’t here to defend himself against everything Steve has been reading about. That’s exactly why he doesn’t stop talking. Someone has to defend him and who better of a person than him? So, yeah, he keeps going, even when he hears footsteps behind him.
“You wanna’ know who I did save it for? James Barnes, that’s who I saved it for! You see, just around that corner there is a bookstore. Rickley Books. That was my boyfriend's favourite bookstore. You know, the man who gave his life to stop a train in Austria from reaching the enemies? Yeah that was him. That train was filled with supplies. Had it reached their headquarters, who knows if we’d be standing here today. If there would be a New York at all. Not that you would know that. But who cares about that dead sergeant from the 107th, right? There’s plenty just like him.”
Steve shrugs nonchalantly— a move he picked up from the very man he’s speaking about— but he spits his words at the reporters with enough venom to cancel out any peace that the action brings. That’s his own move.
He keeps going. “You know who else I saved it for? His mother. Yeah, his mother Winnie Barnes. Wonderful lady. She used to run a soup kitchen a couple blocks from here. Kept the rift raft like myself from going hungry most nights— I was a brawler, you know.”
A couple of reporters in the crowd laugh at that and Steve flinches, his vision tinting red as he cranes his neck, seeking them out.
“Oh you think that’s funny, do you? You think I’m joking? I’m not. You ever been backed into a corner, son? Had people hurl slurs at you that I can’t even repeat today? Ever been beaten up for loving your best friend? No, I bet you haven’t. You weren’t a queer kid in the thirties. That’s hard— that’s borderline impossible actually. I only made it because of people like Winnie Barnes. That woman was a saint but nobody talks about her either.”
Steve has to take a deep breath, clearing the rasp in his voice that rises as he dwells on the woman he called his second mother for so long. She wasn’t just a saint, she was an angel. He can’t cry here though, not now. Not even as his throat begins to tighten.
“Winnie was the type of lady who didn’t let anyone walk over the little people. She used to sit me down and say Stevie you gotta’ fight for what you want because ain’t nobody gonna’ give it to you. She told me that I shouldn’t have to but that there were going to be people who would try to tear me down just for being me. And she was right— just like her son— because that was the era, you know? But now, here in the twenty-first century, you’re all still trying to tear us down.”
A hand lands on his shoulder, small fingers tugging at where his suit has begun to tear. Natasha Romanoff. He meets her gaze quickly, neck craning to stare down the red head, and in the few seconds their eyes meet it’s like Bucky is next to him. Somehow the blue in her irises catches the falling sun just like his used to. Steve can hear the gruff of his voice in the depths of his mind. Back down, bruiser. The sentiment is echoed across Nat’s face.
Steve shakes her hand off him, turning back to the reporters— don’t they know that he can’t?
“You all say you care about me, huh? That I’m a hero? You know nothing about me— you don’t want to. Before I was a soldier I was a kid. A queer kid. I said that already but let me repeat it. Queer. Did you write that down? None of you certainly did before. That’s how I know that you don’t care— because in an age where being queer is infinitely more accepted you still don’t bother to write it down.”
He pauses for another breath, shutting his eyes against the blinking red lights of the cameras. They’re like little demons, always watching his every move. Recording. Everything’s always recorded these days. Will he ever be used to that? Bucky was the technology guy, not him. Not then and not now.
When Steve picks up again— eyes open and shoulders freshly straight— it’s on a new note— a clear note.
“You don’t care about me— you certainly don’t care about the real heroes of the war because if you did you wouldn’t erase our history. Do you know how much it would have meant to Bucky to see our relationship accepted? The man who died for you? How much it would’ve meant to his mother? You can’t just pick which of our stories and our sacrifices are worthy and which aren't.”
He hasn’t spoken this much since he’s woken up, not all at once at least. Maybe he should have, though— maybe if he had then he wouldn’t feel like ripping the heads off everyone in front of him right now. Call it fight or flight. Call it revenge. Hell, call it whatever you’d like because it doesn’t really matter. Either way he feels like a kid again— again— backed into a corner behind the deli with his fists up and his teeth bared.
He feels feral again.
“So now you just want me to save the world like I did— like Bucky did— all those years ago— or maybe jus’ New York— as if that’s any better— and you don’t even bother to write a proper article about me? Hell, I never even asked for an article, let alone a whole exhibit! I’m just a soldier— and before that I was just a kid. If there’s never another article written about me I’ll be grateful. But now that I’m here, standing in front of you, I’ll say this—”
Just as Steve’s voice is cresting into a shout that would no doubt be heard regardless of whether or not the microphones were in front of him, Natasha tries one more time, her fingers slipping between his.
Her voice is a dull buzz compared to his, only reaching his ears by sheer will. “C’mon Stevie— we gotta’ go now.”
Like before he’s stunned but this time instead of seeing Buck— instead of hearing him in his head— he hears Winnie.
You fought good, honey. You fought good for us. You can rest now.
It’s jarring and it’s not lost on him the handful of awkward seconds that it takes for him to respond. That’s just the effect Winnie had on people though— still has, apparently. Steve shakes his head— I know, mama. But I gotta’ finish this fight.
“No, Nat— I’ve got to say this.” Steve mumbles— voice just beginning to waver despite how hard he clenches his jaw— before sneering at the crowd one last time.
“If I ever read an article from any of you that discredits Bucky Barnes, our relationship, or myself just know that I’ll come for you. I’ll come for this city. Don’t you ever forget who I saved it for. James Barnes, Winnie Barnes, and every queer kid who’s ever felt erased because of people like you. The bigots in the forties couldn’t stop me. The Nazis couldn’t stop me. Not even the Atlantic Ocean could stop me. So don’t think for a second that any of you could either. Have a good day.”
With that Captain America turns, marching off the impromptu stage and beginning the trek back to his apartment. He doesn’t bother looking at his team as he passes them— he can imagine their stunned faces well enough on his own. No doubt he’ll be getting another assignment from Fury soon enough to make up for this ‘outburst’ too. Still, he feels a little bit better. There’s an ache in his shoulder, and one under his ribs too, but he still smiles as he passes Rickman and Sons Books. That must mean something good.
The last time Steve Rogers burns he doesn’t burn the way he’s expecting to— he doesn’t vandalize his own name or blow up at a reporter. No, the third time— the final time— that Steve Rogers burns it’s with nostalgia— and with a damn good cup of coffee in his hand.
“I had no idea this place was even here.” The girl across from Steve muses, tiny hands shifting the steaming cup back and forth.
Her name is Ellie, he learned that back at the museum after asking for a copy of the video she took. He barely knew how to use his phone back then, let alone his email— hell, both still confuse him more often than not— but she had been patient. A little awestruck and a little riled up too but he took it in stride— easily. It’s not hard being nice to the spitting image of him.
“I’m glad I’m good for something other than making the news.” Steve chuckles and this time he means it— there’s no malice or ill intent, only humor. “O’Malley’s ‘s been here longer than I have. Looked a little different then—” he takes a moment to let his eyes wander the old coffee shop and it’s new appliances— a moment to feel his age catch up to him— “but I guess I did too.”
Ellie’s laughter joins in there and it’s strange— strange that he hasn’t laughed with another person in seven, almost eight, months; strange that her laughs sound so much like Bucky’s when they were younger; strange that Bucky isn’t here to hear. Here to laugh, too. Because he would have.
He would have called Steve an old man, would have wrapped his arm around his shoulders, would have asked— no, demanded— that Ellie try the plum cobbler. They always made the best cobbler. Bucky always had the best laugh. All grit and breath and him. Steve feels warm just thinking about it.
“Well thanks for letting me in on the secret, I’ll make sure to guard it carefully.” She even has Bucky’s warm sarcasm.
Maybe it’s not so much like looking in a mirror as it is looking at what he wishes he and his boyfriend could have been back then.
“And thanks for letting me interview you—” Ellie continues, setting the cup down but not before nodding at it, her eyes wide— “wow. You weren’t kidding about the joe, huh? Anyway— thanks for scheduling this. I know you’re probably super busy— and that there are more well established people you could have gone to.”
Steve sets his own mug down too— if he hadn’t there’s a possibility it would be more puddle than porcelain. “Well established means nothin’, kid. Not when you don’t have heart. They’re parasites, all of ‘em. The press couldn’t care less about me.”
Ellie nods, lifting the lid of her laptop. It’s a little bit dented and slathered in stickers, not quite the newest model— he would know, he has the newest one and it’s still sitting in his apartment in the box. Yet another testament to how little the people around him truly know him.
“Welcome to the twenty-first century, can I get you a side of classism with that commercialism?”
Now she sounds like Winnie too.
“Say, has anyone ever told you that you’re funny?”
She shrugs, tilting her head, a lopsided grin glued to her face. “Once or twice— I never know if they mean it or if they just want me to shut up. I never do so I guess we’ll never know.”
Steve sputters out another laugh because; “I guess we’re the same then— never give them a moment, kid. That’s the best advice I can give you.” He pauses— again— he supposes it’s going to be a day of pausing— he supposes it’s about time he pauses— before adding, “Bucky would’ve scolded me for saying that.”
Ellie’s fingers, swift and deft over the machine— Steve hadn’t even seen her begin to type— pause too as her smile softens. “What would he have said instead?”
Her question shouldn’t catch off guard— this is why he asked her to meet him; to finally, properly write his story— their story. Still he pauses— Steve’s empty hands feel hot, his shoulders warm; bare— what would he have said? It doesn’t take long to hear his boyfriend’s voice, not there but somehow loud in his ear all the same.
Just relax— they aren’t worth it. It’s too nice out to care about anything but the water— are you coming in or not? Summer doesn’t last forever, you know?
It’s impossible but Steve can feel the sun on his back and on his ears again, like he’s there— like he’s back, sixteen and on fire. Those were the days where everything made him cold. The days where his skin burned no matter the season but especially in August which was when the ocean was warm enough to swim in. It never stopped him from joining Buck— nothing could have stopped him. His cheeks warm, too, at the thought.
Steve blinks, his own smile— perhaps a little lopsided in it’s own right— shaping over his mouth. “He would have told you to relax— and to try the plum cobbler. It’s fantastic.”
With another giggle— and a reiterated comment— has anyone ever told you you’re funny, Steve?— they fall into a conversation, just a kid and a relic, about life. It’s not an easy conversation— but then again those kinds never are. It’s real, though, and unedited. Unfiltered. Just the way Erskine and Winnie and Bucky would have liked it— the only way Steve wants it. It’s not perfect but, hell, Steve has never been perfect.
He’s never wanted to be.
Maybe Steve doesn’t know everything his boyfriend would say— and maybe he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t blow up once or twice after today— but he can confidently say that he gave Brooklyn a run for her money— twice— and lived to tell the tale. He can say then when it mattered, he burned. That he still burns. That he will until he doesn’t— until he’s extinguished.
But, hey, though Summer doesn’t last forever, not even the Atlantic could extinguish the flame that is Steve Rogers.
That’s what he writes— in Sharpie— on the card he writes to Ellie— the one attached to the computer he knows he’ll never use.
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The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 16 of 18)
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Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader
Word count: 3 K
Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...
As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?
<- Previous part (15)
Next part (17) ->
{Stranger Things Masterlist}
×
The Loss Of A Friend
You've never been to a funeral. Well, you did, but you were a kid and you didn't know the family friend who was being buried that day. In your child's mind, you didn't get why everyone was wearing black, in uncomfortable silence, crying all day long. You remember clearly that a blue bug got your attention, making your eyes follow its every move, making you smile despite the sad atmosphere.
It couldn't be more different today.
As the coffin is lowered into the ground, where Jason will forever rest now, you hold Billy's hand, the soft fabric of your black dress tickling your tights. You barely feel it though, all your sensations resumed to the weight in your chest, crushing, squeezing your ribs, smashing your heart.
You suddenly remember the day Monica introduced you to Jason. It was the Saturday before you started working at the pool, in the parking lot of Starcourt Mall. He had his little brother on one arm, and the girl walking beside him, tugging on the hem his shirt.
“So that's the new girl.” He said, a smile spreading across his lips as he reached out his hand for you to shyly shake. “I'm Jason, born to bear the weight of being Monica's cousin, but also the coolest guy you'll find in Hawkins.”
That, of course, started a small war of cheesy pick-up lines, insults, and sarcastic comments. You laughed, feeling easily welcomed by Monica's cousin.
Now, what gets your attention is how his young siblings cry, yell, calling out Jason as is he was just sleeping inside the wooden box and would wake up, smile, and start chasing them around again. He won't. Jason is only a memory now.
“I think we should go,” Billy says in a low voice, letting go of your hand to rub your arms softly.
Nodding, you let him guide you to his Camaro, driving you away from the sea of people dressed in black. You've known Jason for such a little time compared to everyone else here, who saw him grow up, studied with him, lived near him for many years. Your pain is just a speck of dust compared to theirs.
When you get home, the sun is setting. You decide to call Diane, just to make sure she's alright, but you don't tell what happened. It would make her come here immediately, and the last thing you need is someone else you care about being in danger. You have to lie, despite hating yourself for it, telling her that your voice is funny because you had to yell a lot with the kids at the pool. But it's better this way. There are more than enough people here you need to worry about.
“Come here,” Billy calls when you finally head to the bedroom. He sits in the bed, back against the headrest and you're quick to crawl into the bed and into his arms. “How are you feeling?”
“I don't know. Sad doesn't really explain it.” Putting your legs over his, you hide your face on his neck, breathing in your favorite cologne, the only one he uses since the day you told him that. “I can't believe I buried Jason. Jason. My crazy-ass friend.” Your voice cracks and you hold back a sob. “I'll never hear those stupid jokes again.”
“I'm so sorry, princess.” There's a pain in his voice too. Billy has been around Jason a bit, mostly with you. But you know he's actually sad because of how broken you are. You can see it in his eyes, that he wish he could take your pain away, and that he's desperate because he doesn't know what to do.
But there's nothing Billy or anyone else could do. You can't fight death. You can't hit it with a baseball bat full of nails until it gives your friend back. The only thing you can do is avenge him. Get whatever took him and destroy it.
“I wanna kill those Demothings.” The anger in your voice is tangible, and you clench your hands into fists. “I swear to God, Billy, I'll kill one of them myself.”
“Anger won't help. We need to be smart about it. We need a strategy.” Billy is often angry with things. Mostly with things that hurt you, but this time, you get why he's taking another path, trying to calm you down instead of putting more wood in the fire. “The meeting is set for tomorrow. We'll find a battle plan to kill those damn things.” His hand comes to lay on your thigh, fingers softly caressing your skin. “But for now you need to rest, ok? I'll cook something you like and then we'll cuddle watching some nice movie. How does that sound?”
“What if I cry through the movie?” You ask because more tears start rolling down, it doesn't matter how many times you try to get rid of them.
“Then I'll hold you tight.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Billy is kind enough to try and get you into some small talk. Nothing too complicated, nothing related to the Demothings or Jason. You're thankful for that. He even manages to get a few laughs from you, although they're always followed by a reality check when the events of the last two days hit you again, and the smile is gone.
A couple of hours later you're watching Jaws, your head on Billy's chest as you try to follow the events of the movie. But it seems way too fast for you, or it's just your mind that's refusing to process anything that's happening.
You just keep thinking about death. About how Jason's whole life was cut short. How all of his plans for the future were erased.
“Billy, can I ask you something?” Keeping your voice low, you speak up for the first time since you came to the living room after having dinner.
“Of course, princess. What is it?”
Biting your lip, you consider if you should really bring that up. It's selfish to talk about your future when someone else won't have one. But this whole situation made you want to make plans because it's a privilege to still be here. It's a blessing to still have time. “What you said to Joyce about... Marriage. Did you really mean that or–” Pushing yourself up from where you were laying on top of him, you take a deep breath. “–or were you just trying to get out of the conversation. Because it's ok if–”
“Haven't I made it clear that I want to be with you for the rest of my life?” He moves to sit up as well, pulling you close until you're placed in between his legs, a hand caressing your cheek. “Because if I hadn't, I'll make it clear now. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't know how it happened, and it did get me by surprise, but the day you walked in the Hawkins Community Pool, I knew something changed in me. I knew I had to get to know you, and I did thought it would pass, that I'd get tired of you as I got of the other girls, but I didn't.” Billy holds you closer to him, your foreheads touching. “You hit me like–”
“Bang.” You finish for him, the memory of the day he was unbelievably honest with you coming back. The day he admitted to you, and somehow to himself too, that he liked you. It was also the day he punched David, and the day he kissed your cheek, making your stomach burn like it has been set on fire.
“Like bang.” He breathes out, warm lips coming in touch with yours. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him as close as you can, the need to feel that he's here, with you, clouding the sound of the TV. Billy moves to lay back down again, and when you move to follow his change of posture, your knee slips and connects to his ribs. “Ouch!” He breathes out, cutting off the kiss.
“Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.” Covering your mouth, you bring the free hand to rub his side. “Sorry, baby.”
Taking a deep breath, he grabs your arm and pulls you down, making you collide on his chest, giggling. “Sorry. I shouldn't be joking around with you now.”
Squinting your eyes at him, you try to get up, but his strong arms come around your body, keeping you from moving. “I hate you, Hargrove.” The fake sentence is soon overcome by a giggle. “I'll kick you right this time, I'm warning you.”
“Oh, I'm shaking like a leaf.”
“Don't test me, Hargrove. Keep in mind we sleep on the same bed and I know all of your habits, baby.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Mhmm.” Mumbling, you manage to stand up, moving back into a sitting position. You know he actually let you go, but there's no reason to acknowledge that. Taking a deep breath, the sudden happiness is stained again, as the memories crawl back. It seems like Billy notices because his smile softens. “I love living with you, you know that, right?”
“I love waking up next to you every morning.”
You can't help the smile that comes to your lips as you bend over again, kissing his lips.
On the next day, Billy calls Anthony to ask him to give you a few days off work. Obviously, you have to urge your hothead boyfriend not to curse the manager and risk losing his job. You feel fine to go to the pool, or you think you do, but the truth is you wouldn't be paying much attention anyway. And much to your dismay, Billy gets a total of zero days off. No discussion, what makes him hang up the phone so hard you thought he broke the poor thing.
Since you don't want to be alone, and Billy would absolutely never allow you to be alone in the house when you're friend just died, he drives you to Joyce's place, where the party will gather to make plans.
Saying it's hard to be away from Billy on the day after you buried Jason is a misunderstanding. Seeing him drive away from Joyce's porch makes you feel like he's taking your heart with him. He didn't seem pleased either, but there was no other choice. You wouldn't make him miss the day, since you know Anthony is a terrible human being, just looking for the right excuse to get rid of the lifeguards.
“Honey, come inside,” Joyce calls a hand on your shoulder. “Can I get you something to eat? We had pizza last night and I have a slice in the fridge.”
“No, thank you, Joyce.” Politely, you decline her offer. “Is there any bed I can crash in?”
“Sure. Come.” Walking through Jonathan and Will, you wave at them, muttering a good morning and trying not to cry at their sad faces. They know Jason was a close friend, and, like everyone else, they don't know what to do or say. “This is Will's and Jonathan's room. Just pick a bed.” Nodding, you choose the one on the left and lie down. “Do you need to talk?”
“There's nothing to say.” Putting your head on a pillow, you stare at the ceiling. You feel comfortable around Joyce, she has this mother thing about her. “I just want this to end. Before anyone else gets... Eaten.” The word makes you shiver as it brings the image of his body back. “I wish I wasn't the one to find him. To... See him that way. I don't think I'll ever forget that.”
“Honey, I'm so sorry.” She comes to sit on the edge of the bed. “When... When they found Will's body, it hurt. I knew in my heart it wasn't him, but the very idea of losing my baby was horrible. So I have an idea of how you feel. Losing someone is a pain that doesn't go away. You'll get used to it, but it remains. All we can do is learn to deal with it and honor them by carrying their memories.”
You're crying through her speech, and you can't help but sit up and hug her, crying on her shoulder. “We have to be careful because I can't lose anyone else.” You're not sure if she can even understand what you're saying, but since she nods, you think she did.
“Don't worry, honey. We'll all be alright.” She pulls away, rubbing both your arms. “The kids will be here soon, but feel free to stay here or join us, ok? Do whatever makes you comfortable.”
“Thanks.” Offering her a small, sad smile, you watch as she leaves.
You hear when they get here, the chattering starts, and you can understand a few words here and there. They talk about you, and about Billy and about the funeral. But soon enough it falls into the major problem. And that's when you tune out, staring at the ceiling, trying not to make yourself too comfortable in someone else's bed.
The only thing you want now is Billy. You want to go back to the time where there was no Demogorgon, Demowhatever lurking around. At least to you. It's weird to know what really happened in Billy's car accident, how he was almost the host for the Mind Flayer. You're happy it didn't happen, that he's here now. You need to thank Max for that, actually. If it wasn't for her and the others, your Billy wouldn't be here. He could be dead, and you'd never meet him. He'd never shoot glances at you, or drive you home, buy you tacos or punch David's face. Or kiss you, hold you, love you. The thought of a life without Billy in it is absurd. Now, more than ever, after you lost someone so dear, you have this need to be with him. Just to make sure he's here.
Breathing out and closing your eyes, your hand comes to hold the necklace. It makes you feel closer to Billy, and there is a silent promise here, one you hold close to your heart, together with the earring.
Eyes open, you get up of the bed. You don't care if you got days off, you have to see him. Even if it's just for a hug. Leaving the bedroom, you make your way to the living room, which is crowded.
“We wait until it's late at night to make sure the Demodogs are out, sneak inside the tunnels, and spill insane amounts of gasoline all over it. Get the hell out, wait until it's morning, and set the whole thing on fire.” Dustin says, hands in the air and a smile on his face.
He's kidding, right? He can't be suggesting that as if it's the greatest idea of the world. “Are you completely insane?” You ask, making your presence known. Arms crossed, your eyes scan through the party. “You can't possibly think this is a good idea.”
“I agree with (Y/N), this is insane,” Joyce adds, her face making it clear she thinks this idea sucks. “I won't let you do that.”
“But–”
“The point is to kill them without getting ourselves killed. And every single idea you come up with has a hundred different ways to get us killed.” Steve says, both his hand on his hips as he paces around the room. “Who thinks this idea sucks raise your hand.” He's the first to do it, and Joyce, you, and Jonathan do the same.
“Count Billy in.” You say, raising the other hand as well.
“And Hopper,” Joyce states, giving you an approving stare.
“It's six against seven. We're doing it.” Dustin exclaims.
“No.” You basically shout, not caring one bit if you sound bossy. All eyes lay on you as you struggle to keep it together. “We're not doing it and that's final.”
“I–”
“I just lost a friend and I will not let you do something that might just end up in another funeral.” There are tears threatening to fall again, but you hold them back. “So come up with something else.”
The silence is deafening. You know you're breaking down again, even though the tears aren't rolling down. Yet.
“Please. There's gotta be something else.” Lowering your voice and looking down at your feet, you beg. You can't even think about someone else dying. You couldn't bear it.
“I saw this thing at school. Like a robot with remote control.” Lucas starts. “If we could build a bunch of them and attach a hose, we could guide it inside the tunnels and spread the gasoline.”
“Yeah, but there are seven holes. Which means a lot of ground we'd have to cover.” Eleven adds as you make your way to the group, sitting on the couch beside Joyce.
“Let's blow up six of them.” You burst out, crossing your legs. “A hell of a explosion that would take those things days to dig it back. Then there will be only one way in and out. Find a hell of a long hose or just connect a bunch of them and a million gallons of gas. The robots will spread it then we'll just need a match.”
“That's good. It could work.” Nancy says. “But we'll need to chip in to buy all these things.
“Hopper can get some for free I'm sure.”
“We start right now.” Mike stands up and the others follow. “Let's get started.”
The rest of the day is hectic. Lists are made, one of the kids teachers come over to help with what they called a summer project. For fun. And the materials started arriving. You don't really know what to do, so you help Joyce make lunch, keeping up with her small talk. Joyce is easy to be around, and you like to hear her stories about Will and Jonathan. You even manage to show a few smiles every now and then. After everyone is fed, you finally sit on the porch, trying to help as much as you can. The kids are genius, literally building remote control robots from random pieces and the instructions from books. It's amazing. Since you can't really be of much help in this aspect, you join Nancy, separating stuff or doing anything they tell you too.
When the sun is setting, some of them had to go home to gather their stuff. They'll crash here and take the robot construction through the night. By the moment you hear the faint noise of Billy's car, it's just Joyce's kids, Steve and Dustin. Leaving the small pieces of metal you were shaping into tiny little circles, you stand up abruptly.
“Where are you going? These circles aren't going to make themselves.” Dustin complains, raising his hands in the air.
“Billy is back.” There's no need for further explanation, so you tiptoe among the stuff, careful not to step on anything.
“It could be anyone.”
“Dustin, is there any other car in Hawkins that sounds like that?” As you speak, the noise gets louder and Billy's car comes to your sight.
“She knows her boyfriend's car.” Steve jokes as you walk to the yard, smiling when Billy stops the car and comes out.
“Miss me, princess?”
“Obviously.” It's a feeling of pure relief to see him. It feels like it's been so much longer than just some hours, but you feel that you'll have this insane need to be around him for a while. Just to enjoy the fact that you're still alive. You can't help but wonder for long the idea of death will hover over you... Probably forever.
“You ok?” He asks, his hand on your hair as you have your head on his chest.
“I will be.” Remembering the audience, you pull away, standing on your toes to kiss him. “Dustin had a terrible idea but I made him change his mind about it.”
“How did you do that?”
“I yelled.” With no intention of further explanation, you turn at the guys. “I'll be back tomorrow morning, alright? Have fun doing crazy science.” Waving at them, you get into the car.
You would like to stay at Joyce's, keep helping as much as you can, but you feel like you need silence and peace. The kid's laughter and jokes make you feel better, but you know that you also need to let the sadness creep over for a while. Keeping it hidden, disguised, makes no good. So as you dry and brush your hair, waiting for Billy to finish his shower, you cry.
For Monica, for Jason's younger siblings, his mother, his father, uncle, and aunt. For every friend he made since he was born. And for yourself too. Jason was one of the people that you imagined you'd be around for the rest of your life.
You're dragged away from your thoughts by the phone's ring. Rushing to answer it, you find it's Joyce, kindly asking if you can pick Mike up and drive him to her place, and of course, you comply.
“Billy.” You call when you hear him coming out of the bathroom. “Joyce needs us to pick up Mike. Nancy can't stop what she's doing there.”
“Sure. Let's go.”
Being out at night makes you anxious, but you try not to let it show. Eyes on the road, you bounce your leg nervously, tugging on the seat belt. Billy notices, and a hand comes to rest on your thigh.
“We'll be fine. Relax.”
“I'm trying.” Stretching your arm, you touch his neck. “I'm sorry if I can't stop thinking about Jason and what happened.”
“(Y/N), you just lost a friend. My responsibility as your boyfriend is to hold and love you through this process. Don't apologize.”
“I don't want this to be your responsibility, Billy.” When he turns his head to look at you, you run your fingers through his jaw.
He takes a deep breath, pulling over by Mike's house. You were about to get out, but since he doesn't move, neither do you. Billy looks like he's thinking, furrowed eyebrows and distant eyes. “Billy? Come back to Earth.” You decide to ask, taking off the belt and turning your body towards his.
“To have and to hold. For better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” He squints his eyes through the words, trying to remember them. It takes a while for you to understand what he means, and when you do, your heart starts drumming in your ears. “To love and cherish till death do us part.”
“Billy...”
“It means I'll stand by your side. Not because I feel like it's my responsibility, but because I love you. And I'm more than happy to take the responsibility of being your–”
“Couldn't you save that up for, I don't know, someday when I'm dressed in white?” The words come out fast, and you're blushing hard, your cheeks burning. “No. You had to do this now. Drive me insane now in your Camaro.” You roll your eyes dramatically when his lips break into a smile, that smug, cocky smile he has when he knows he got to you somehow.
“Be my wife, (Y/N).”
“No.” It's an utter absurd how hard you have to fight not to say the exact opposite. You want to just burst out the word, here and now, because you're so damn sure you want Billy for the rest of your life. “No, baby. We'll graduate, save up money and you'll make a decent proposal.” You hope he can't notice your hands shaking as you step out of the car, almost stumbling on the sidewalk. His words burn through your mind, sending shivers down your spine. “I won't say I'll marry you in the middle of the sidewalk, in the middle of the night, in front of Mike's house.”
“Did I just make you nervous?” Billy's arms come to encircle your waist, his deep voice, and breath on your hair making you sigh.
“Shut up, Hargrove.” With the sweet sound of his laughter on your ear, you knock on the front door, trying to push him away before someone comes to answer. “Let go.”
“Are you using my cologne again?” As soon as he asks, you feel his nose softly rubbing your neck, what makes you giggle and try to push him away again, uselessly. “You are.”
It wasn't your intention to let him find out, but he always does. “Well, it was–”
The door is suddenly open, a yellowish light hitting your eyes as you try to stand up straighter. The woman standing there gives a step back as if she just saw a ghost. Her eyes fly from Billy and back at you, then all the way back to Billy. It hits you suddenly as you realize she's Mrs. Wheeler, the woman Billy was going to meet on the day the Mind Flayer almost got him. They haven't met or spoken since that day, and you weren't expecting her to look so... Perplexed. You try to read her expression, to understand what the look in her eyes means.
“Hello, Mrs. Wheeler.” You manage to say because Billy clearly won't even try to be polite. You feel his muscles tensing up, as he gets immediately uncomfortable under the woman's stare since she doesn't seem to even try to hide. “Sorry to disturb you. We're here for Mike.”
×
@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @halloweenbitch2764 @redlovett @multific @shinydixon @nikkixostan @clockworkballerina @nope-thanks
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kojinnie · 3 years
Note
tis is ranon! i wanna try the twisted match-up eventho it'll probably hurts. my worst traits would be
1. Not knowing myself well enough, having to ask others how i actually am from their eyes instead of looking through my own lense because I care of other's judgement better than mine.
2. I suck at handling compliment. Everytime anybody says anything good about me, I always get defensive by saying no, change the topic of the conversation, or saying "thank you, but [insert why i don't deserve compliment]"
3. Similar to the 2nd one, I have horrible horrible self esteem. I never really look at myself in a good light, I think I am horrible. Sometimes I feel like "im the worst" yet some of the times I feel like "woah I'm a queen". Even worse, sometimes I don't have the motivation to better myself in order to raise my self esteem.
My favourite(s) would be reiner and jean, you can choose the one with the worst(or whoever you prefer) compatibility with my traits. tears up already as I slip 1 dollar to your hand, whispering happy ending please..
Pairing: Jean x Reader
Summary: You accidentally meet Jean, your high school sweetheart, thirteen years later. While he has turned into a successful man whose face you'd see on TV a lot, you think of your life and what could have been with him, if only...
Tags: Angst/Fluff, coming of age, slice of life
Word Count: 3.6K
A/N: Oh Ranon my sweet child, hereby I present to thee... hopefully an antidote to the despair Yams had given us with 138. Hope you like it love!
Song mentioned: Linger by The Cranberries
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"It's nice to see a familiar face 'round here."
There was no word that could describe the feelings you had upon hearing that voice. A voice that was once the first sound you hear in the morning and the one you say goodbye to before falling asleep. A voice that you had not heard for what felt like forever.
You didn't have to turn around to tell who it was, "Jean?"
The two of you erupted in laughter, both surprised by the mere coincidence of meeting each other at this old and ran-down department store, on the outskirt of the town you both grew up in.
Jean was quick to pull you into a big embrace that you gladly came into. A familiar piece of warmth was his hug, and yet it had struck you as odd that it did not feel foreign at the closest, although it had been years since the last time you met him.
Jean had grown very tall. There was no longer his signature undercut as he had let his hairs to grow past his ear. His chiseled jaw hid beneath dark brown beard he now had. You pretended to check him out and be shocked with the view, "You really grew! Like grew, GREW!" as if you hadn't seen him on the news station or the daily mail. As if you didn't follow his Instagram with your second account. As if you never thought of him at all.
He held your shoulder and pulled away to look at you, "Thirteen years and you don't look any different."
Your face grew hot and the compliment sent an uncanny discomfort to your guts, "Ah the lighting sucks here - to my advantage, fortunately."
There was a disapproving look in Jean's eyes for a passing moment before he carried on with the conversation. He didn't expect to see you at the old department store the two of you used to roam in after school, he said. Neither did you to ever meet him again, especially here. A place so awfully ordinary for someone who had grown to be the best version of himself. Jean had finally achieved his dream to be a household name in the country as one of the rising young attorneys.
The celebrity status he had achieved, all the actresses and models he had dated - it all inflicted you with some kind of inexplicable pain. One that made you feel worthless, to say the least. Someone who used to be so close to your heart, had grown so magnificently, leaving you with the painful fate of being ordinary. Yet, still your face lit up in distant pride each time a mention of Jean’s name surfaced, be it from the passing conversation your friend had, or to see it announced by the news anchor for some big public case he was working on.
Jean said that he returned home for a funeral. His uncle died, and he needed a spare sandal. He didn't know any other store, as the area both of you grew up in had changed a lot. Leaving this old department store the only place he could remember.
You passed your condolence but he was more curious with what you were up to. You chuckled because he seemed so serious when he asked, "Didn't you move out to the city? Why the hell are you coming back?" as if the misplacement of seeing someone so glitzy in this boring, dilapidated town didn't apply to him.
So you answered, and Jean turned silent for a moment. He tilted his head downward, and you noticed that he was the same person with the same mannerism. Although he was no longer the 17-year-old boy who used to get all ruffed up in school fight, trying to defend you from some stupid jocks; nor was he still the tall, lanky kid from your Home Economics class that you gave your first kiss to.
Your mind couldn’t help but to race to all the what-ifs, and the presence of Jean before your eyes right now only made the wonderings more palpable.
Jean smiled faintly to your answer, “Congratulations,” he still made his way to pat the side of your head, something he used to do every time, “big step, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s scary.”
“So, who’s the lucky guy? Anyone I know from school?” Jean said, faking the enthusiasm in his tone, but you didn’t notice. Because in your mind, it would be an absurd idea to think that you would still have the tiniest bit of effect on Jean, for he had outgrown all the memories he ever had with you.
“No, no,” you tried to mask the bitterness that suddenly emerged on the back of your tongue, “we met at work. He’s a great guy.”
Indeed, he was. The reason why you returned home was because you were getting married, and your fiancée wanted to be close with your family, for he didn’t have one growing up. He was an exceptional man, he had this magnetism in him, with the way he perceived things, to the abiding tenacity he had in him.
Your fiancée was a man you knew you could lean on in the eye of adversity. That’s why you agreed to marry him. But then again, there was always a void inside your heart that had no resolve to it for so many years. Your fiancée was your foundation, and yet, perhaps selfishly, you still yearned for the childish laughter and the irreplaceable feeling of freedom you once had with the man standing tall before you. Whose glance never failed to make you feel the most at ease with.
“He must be a pretty great guy to get you,” Jean’s faint smile grew into a grin, he was trying to down play the commotion he started to feel within his chest, “what’s his name? So, I can picture him.”
You laughed, because it was only natural for you to do so in the presence of the first guy you had fallen for, the first guy to ever told you how pretty you were and how all your imperfections never mattered to him, the first one to bring your teary face into his embrace after a gruesome day, before saying, ‘I never thought it’s possible. But, crazy, seeing you cry hurts me too.’
However, you knew, that all those memories had passed by and you were happy with where you were now. “Reiner,” you smiled at the mention of his name, “my fiancée’s name is Reiner Braun. He’s… amazing.”
“Wow. Tough name. Probably someone I’d stay clear from in high school.”
Both of you laughed, and the two of you continued to talk, as you walked him through the desolated alleys to find the sandal that he wanted to buy, and Jean walking you to the towel aisle that you had meant to buy one for Reiner, only to find out that they had stopped selling towels since long time ago. The laughter and reminiscing persisted until the cashier row when Jean heard your stomach grumble. Both of you exchanged glances and broke into yet another laughter.
“Salerno’s?” Jean said, suggesting the pizza place off the highway, where you had spent so many dates with him back then.
“How could I ever say no to that?”
“Settled, then. Did you drive here?” Jean’s eyes gazed afar to the parking lot, strangely looking for the old car you used to drive back in school, before realizing that thirteen years had passed and there was no chance that sickly car could ever survive the time.
“No, actually Reiner dropped me and—” As if staged by the universe, your phone rung and Reiner was calling, “—right in time, it’s him!”
You walked away from Jean for a moment as he looked for his car key inside jacket. Across the line, Reiner was gruntling, his voice was hazy, “Babe—”
“Reiner, I bumped into an old friend!” there was a sing-songy tone in your words. Through the phone, Reiner chuckled, picking up the excitement in your voice, even though it was getting more apparent that Reiner was drowsy, “Anyway babe, can you get an Uber? I took the cough syrup your mum gave me, and now I’m sleepy as fuck. ‘Fraid I won’t be able to drive.”
You turned to Jean and saw him jingling his car key at you, before returning back to Reiner on the phone, “Rei, I think my friend can drive me home. I’ll be stopping at Salerno’s, do you want anything? The calzone maybe?”
Reiner yawned, “That sounds nice but—” yet another yawn, “I’m gonna pass out. Come home soon, okay? Tuck me in.”
You cackled at the buff man whining before you said goodbye and followed Jean into his car.
The trip to Salerno’s was nourishing with memories. The poplar trees along the avenue had been replaced by lines of billboards – from advertisement of real estate agent to divorce attorney, they all reminded you of how much the town had changed. Yet the sense of comfort you shared with Jean as you joked about all of the absurd things you saw along the way, had not changed at all.
If for one second you forgot that you were driving in Jean’s expensive car, and that you imagined he was wearing a shabby soccer jersey instead of a tailored-fit shirt – if you closed your eyes and thought that thirteen years hadn’t gone by between the two of you, it almost felt like you rode a time machine to a time when Jean was yours and you were his. And something about the thought of it just broke your heart.
When Jean pulled over at Salerno’s and found out that it’s past the time for dine-in, the two of you decided to eat at his car instead. Jean didn’t even ask what you want and he returned with exactly what you had in mind, the classic calzone, something you always used to have. He remembered.
The two of you laughed, bantered and joked at each other. It felt almost as if no distance had ever been laid out between the two of you, like you hadn’t lived an entirely different life, like he was the same person after all. He hadn’t once made you self-conscious like you thought you would, considering the amount of success he had attained for himself. You felt bad for accusing Jean of the worst, when all it was just a projection of your own insecurity.
“So, you’re getting married on the 15th, and your annoying aunt is not invited?”
“Yeah, thank God for the pandemic somehow. Legit excuse, when all I wanted was not to have her talk shit about Reiner on my wedding day,” you munched through your calzone, talking mindlessly, “as for you, sir, you’re invited. That’s a no-brainer. Hereby I invite thee to my humble dwelling. Bring your model girlfriend, please, so I can brag to my cousins.”
His grin subsided into a weak smile and then into nothing at all, as he sipped on his coke. Suddenly awkward silence loomed within the small space of his car.
“Jean,” you shifted in your seat as the guilt grew on you, realizing the error in your judgment, “sorry I was being presumptuous.”
“No worries, it wasn’t serious. None of it ever was.”
You nodded, engulfed in your own guilt for bringing a bad topic up. The silence let the radio’s murmur to become noticeable, and an old song had just been played through the local radio, a tune that you used to listen with him on the back of your old creaking car after a make-out session filled with enraging teenage hormones.
And I’m in so deep~
You know I’m such a fool for you~
You got me wrapped around your finger I—
Do you have to let it linger?
You sighed and finally looked at Jean with his head hanging low, “Do you want to settle down someday?”
“Eventually.” Jean answered nonchalantly, “Not even sure about the whole relationship thingy.”
“Oh.” An acknowledgment you voiced, before succumbing to yet another silence.
Jean called your name softly and when you turned to face him, he was looking at you. Even in the darkness of the parking lot, you could see his honey eyes gleamed in a look that was so familiar to you—a look of disappointment, “Tell me, how could you never end up working where you’ve always wanted to be?”
You were pulled even deeper into your silence as you looked away. Suddenly a hot rash of sadness started to swallow you whole, “I—”
You tried to voice out a tangible reason, but you had realized that all of it was your own doing. Your insecurity, your self-consciousness, the thought that you were never good enough for the thing you once wanted so bad; all of it led to a life unlived, and to have someone finally putting you in your place was embarrassing, if not painful, “—wasn’t sure if I really wanted it and—”
“—wasn’t sure if I was good enough to pass the test.”
“So, after college, you never ended up applying there? Not even a try?”
You shook your head embarrassed, looking down at your shoes.
Jean sighed and laid his food on the dashboard, before reaching for your right hand and held it warmly into his grasp. He called your name which propelled you to look back at him, “Weren’t you the one who talked me into getting into law school? Even when I thought it was impossible? Weren’t you the one who wrote on my yearbook to-my-future-attorney when everyone was convinced that I’d end up working a mediocre office job? Or a mechanic in my Dad’s shop?”
Jean carried on, “I just… I just don’t understand. How could you have so much conviction for other people but—but yourself?”
You passed a grim smile, as vulnerability started to catch up with you, “Nevermind Jean, it’s passed. I am where I am now.”
“But, wasn’t it your dream?” Jean grew antsy on his seat, it was obvious that he truly didn’t understand, “The pages and pages and pages of diary you wrote about wanting to work there? What happened?”
You sighed, running out of words to say, until you caved in, “Maybe I never knew what I truly wanted.”
“Is that why?” Jean shot another look at you, there was an intensity in his eyes that you had never seen before. There you wondered what had happened to Jean’s life in all those years passed at your absence, had he led a difficult life before getting the success he was enjoying now? “Is that why you left me—because you didn’t know what you truly want?”
Jean understood the consequence of his action, he was a well-accomplished attorney after all. He also understood the vivid pain painted all over your face, but he was taking his shot. Years of wondering where had you gone, what kind of live had you lived – you never ceased to haunt him, all the what-ifs with you he always thought about whenever he broke off yet another meaningless relationship with yet another woman he’d never cared for in his life. Over the years, he’d taken a close look at you. He’d find you on the internet, he’d asked about you to friends of a friend that was still in touch with you, he’d ‘accidentally’ found your legal documents just to see that you had gotten your college degree one year earlier than him. He didn’t know why the thought of you lingered, you just did. Arriving into his dreams where he was seventeen again and unassuming, only for him to wake up disappointed at seeing a woman that wasn’t you in his bed.
For the longest time, Jean had fended for himself to be where he’s now. When survival had finally bore fruits, what else could there be for him? Still, he felt lonely in the embrace of another woman, still he felt the void persisted even if he spent his money on things he didn’t need. Jean never thought, that after years of dreaming to be the person he’s now, all he yearned for was to have a piece of simple, ordinary and innocent happiness he once had with you.
You were, after all, the only thing that could remind him of the innocence Jean had lost after years of grueling work as an attorney—seeing how corrupt and insidious men can be. So, when his wearied eyes landed on the sight of you this evening, in the alley of that long-forgotten Department Store, Jean had no choice but to finally face his haunting.
“Jean, it’s a long time ago,” you smile, cupping his hand with your free hand, “besides, I’m no longer your type, right?” A grin, a playful grin, painfully fabricated and Jean saw right through it.
You could feel the air had gotten thick in his car, and you shifted closer to the door. Jean let go of your hand as he moved closer to you, running his long fingers through your hair. His voice had gotten deep and you could sense a hint of pain in his words, “Maybe I never had a type.”
He dragged his gaze all over your face; your eyes, your nose, your lips – the way he used to reassure that you were so beautiful in his eyes despite the self-hate you inflicted upon yourself, “Maybe all I ever wanted was you and all I ever did with those girls was to try finding you in them,” he forced a smile, so stale, so painful, “to no avail.”
You could feel the air into your lung was compromised as you battled the tears, “Jean…”
“Out of so many things that I have been brave for, I was never brave enough for one thing that I needed the most: to tell you that it’s always been you,” Jean slithered his hands through your waist and pulled you into his embrace. He laid his head, heavy with loneliness and exhaustion on to the nook of your shoulder. For lack of better term, Jean was finally back home, as he muttered, letting go of all his inhibitions, “Baby, it’s always been you. It’s always been you.”
Your whole body was weak with emotions. The thoughts, the persistent ones – the what-ifs you could have had with Jean, the life you could have lived and the dream that could have been fulfilled. Without your permission, the tears fell to your dismay as you thought of one last thing remaining in your heart: Reiner. The way he smiled and listened all through your nightly despairs, caressing you close until you fell asleep, exhausted with tears dried up all over your face. The way Reiner whispered on to your ear, amidst your drowsiness, that he loved you and that he promised to make you whole, to fill the void you had always feared for. All the little things he had done without you asking, or the way he loved your family as if they were his own.
You cursed yourself for being surprised at how much you realized that you truly loved Reiner, even when you were in the embrace of someone you wondered about often. You realized, the best way to prove to someone that you love them was to stick around. And Reiner had stuck around, as much as you stuck around for him.
You left Jean long time ago for reasons you only vaguely remembered now, but life went on and sooner or later you should make it in your heart to accept it. You smiled and thought of your life. Sure, there was a lot of thing you need to patch up, but what is life if not persevering?
You pulled away from Jean, surprised to see a beaten look on his face. Far away from the dandy and sharp young attorney you would see on the news. Once, you loved this man, but years had passed and the one he wanted was no longer there. You were no longer the person you were thirteen years ago. You were no longer the girl Jean longed for, all he wished for was a passing ghost that you have left behind in your adolescence.
You caressed his cheek for the last time and landed a kiss to his forehead, “Jean, I’m so proud of you. How far you have gone. I’m sorry I wouldn’t be the one you’d share your future achievement with, but for all the things you have done to me, for seeing the good in me when I could hardly see it… I want to say thank you,” you smiled although pain was searing within your chest, “there’s a world out there where this would work out. But not this world.”
The unexpected rendezvous you had with the man whom you had given your first love to ended with both of you crying at each other’s embrace, until Salerno’s closed and turned off their lights.
When Jean finally dropped you at your childhood home, the place he used to spend all the times in, Jean smiled and pointed at your room with the lights still lit, “He’s waiting?”
“I think he’s asleep. He’s a deep sleeper, he forgets to turn off the lights every time.”
“Does he even fit in your tiny bed?”
“Well, you did fit.”
“For a time.”
“Yeah, for a time.”
“So, you’ll be Mrs. Braun?”
“Yep, Mrs. Braun I will be.”
Jean scoffed, pretending to be annoyed, but smiling nonetheless, “Lucky bastard, that Mr. Braun.”
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goodemethyd · 3 years
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3. fruit stand (june prompts) - rosenali
a/n: day 3 here we go. prompts from this list. (finally one i didn't write at work)
featuring: 588 words of denali and rosé at the farmers' market
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The sun was shining overhead as Denali and Rosé walked hand-in-hand through the farmers’ market. These kinds of days were Rose's favorites. With her girlfriend by her side and the fresh summer air around her, everything just seemed perfect. And she had a feeling that today was going to be the best day ever.
Denali was rambling on about something that Rosé was having a hard time focusing on. Her mind was on other things, on making sure everything went according to plan.
So far, so good, she thought. She'd snuck out early in the morning while Denali was still sleeping to take care of phase one. Phase two had been getting to the farmers’ market, which was easy since they came here almost every Saturday, and it was where they'd first met. Phase three was going to be the most nerve wracking part, but Rosé was more excited than nervous.
"Where to next, Rosie?" Denali asked after they'd picked up a few veggies for dinner later that night.
"Something sweet," Rose answered.
"Okay," Denali said and pulled her in for a kiss.
Rosé smiled as they pulled apart. "Not exactly what I had in mind, but I'm not complaining,” she laughed and stole another kiss. "How about some fruit?" she suggested as innocently as possible.
"Ooh yeah! Let's get some strawberries!"
Rose's heart started beating faster with every step they took toward the fruit stand, knowing that her life was about to change forever. She was thankful that she knew Denali so well to know she would want strawberries, or she’d have to make some tweaks to her plan.
When they reached the correct fruit stand, Rosé made eye contact with the girl who was working, the girl she’d spoken to that morning, and nodded.
"Hi! We'll take your best strawberries," she said with a huge grin on her face that she wouldn't be able to dim down even if she tried.
"Thank you!" Denali said as she grabbed the container from the girl, and Rosé felt like she was about to burst with excitement.
"Open it!" she practically shouted at Denali, who gave her a strange look, but complied with a judgmental “okay." After she opened it, her expression changed drastically.
"Rosé," she gasped upon seeing the ring that was nestled in a velvet box inside the otherwise empty strawberry container. When she made eye contact, there were tears glistening in her eyes and a genuinely happy smile on her face.
"Denali, baby, I love you so much," Rosé started, grasping Denali's hand in hers. "And I can't imagine ever living my life without you in it. Ever since the day we met, I knew you were special, and every day with you proves it to me again and again. Will you marry me?"
"Yes!" Denali answered with a wet sounding chuckle, tears welling up and spilling over as she threw her arms around Rosé in a tight hug.
Rosé squeezed back before pulling away to grab the ring and slide it onto Denali's finger. Denali looked down at it, absolutely beaming, before cupping Rose's face and pressing their lips together in a fierce kiss.
"I love you," Denali murmured against her lips, going back in for one more kiss before pulling away. "I love you so much. And I can't wait to marry you!"
Rosé grabbed Denali's hand again, pulling it up toward her face to see how amazing the ring looked on her finger, and she felt like the luckiest woman in the world.
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thesoutherngems · 3 years
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Short Stories
"WONDER GIRLS"
By: Lovely T. Duroca
June 12, 2021
It was 3 years ago. I still remember how it felt like going to college for the first time, I was nervous, my heart was beating so fast and it felt like my stomach would turn upside down, anytime soon because anxiety and excitement was building up deep inside me. College is a strange thing for me, it seems like it's a place where everyone battles for their dreams, and according to my some posts that i've read in social media, it's a place where you will get lots of sleepless nights, breakdowns and that surely, you will experience crying yourself out because of school works and tasks, with that, I became scared and I asked myself, will I be able to survive college? Will I be able to get through it alive and still sane? But still, with a nervous smile and a pale face, I walked into my university thinking of my mom and my grandparent's happy and smiling faces. I told myself that I will overcome this, and I will survive and will fight for my dreams because I have those supportive people right behind my back, my hardworking mom, my lolo who has been there with me since I was young, and my lola, a strong woman, who helped my mom raised me to become that lady that I am today, I will fight and get through college for them, that's what I told myself before entering the school's entrance.
But little did I know, the world I was stepping into by that time is so scary, it's unfamiliar, lots of unknown and new faces of students are surrounding me, it's suffocating and it feels like i'm running out of breath, i'm having a hard time breathing, but still, with my nervous and anxious eyes on the ground, I continued walking towards my college department, and I didn't notice that I was holding unto the strap of my bag  tightly that it makes my knuckles turns white. I took a deep breath and forced myself to think of positive and happy thoughts, but deep inside, I know I was praying really hard, for that day to be over, I just wanted to go home, crawl into my small bed and hug my fluffy pillow, I just wanted to stay and bring myself back to my comfort zone. I really didn't like going out, surrounding myself with people, because I prefer to be alone and have my own peace of mind. I am an introvert who always chooses to lock myself up in my room, read books, watch my favorite tv series or just listen to music. I hate noise and I have my own world, but the fact that it isn't always like that, that I need to go out, socialize and meet other people because it is necessary, it's hard, but here I am, trying my best out and catching my breaths, forcing my heartbeat to be normal because I have goals, and dreams that I need to reach and fulfill.
Walking in the corridor and seeing that the rooms are becoming nearer each time I took a step forward, my heart started to beat even faster, and when I finally saw the classroom number that was assigned to my com, I was hesitant to go inside, I don't know anyone around and all I can see are unknown faces of students. I saw that there are already students inside, some are just sitting, busy scrolling with their phones, and others are talking to their friends, I inhaled deeply and with a sweaty palm, I step into that room, suddenly, I felt like it became quite, the noise that I heard earlier disappears and I can sense that they're looking at me and it makes me feel more nervous and scared. It seems like I was stepping into a territory that is very foreign and new to me. I continued walking and then I spotted an empty seat on the back, I immediately walked towards that seat and when finally, I was able to sit down, I somehow felt relaxed and a bit at ease. I took my earphones, plugged it in and listened to my favorite music since the professor hadn't arrived yet. I was singing along with the song inside my head when suddenly, I felt like someone poked my shoulder, I turned my head to see who it was and I saw a girl with a long black hair and an eyeglasses, she smiles at me and said,
"Is this seat taken?"
I smiled back awkwardly and replied,
"No, I'm just the only one sitting here."
"Great, then now, we can sit together with you." she exclaimed happily.
I don't know what she meant when she said the word "we" but when I heard that she called a group of three girls, that's when I realized that she's with her friends.
"Hey, girls, here. Let's sit here, together?"
She turned to me and I guessed that she's asking my name. So I said,
"Love, my name's love" while shrugging off the embarrassment that I felt because I really didn't like my name.
"Love, you got such a cute name, my name's Hale by the way, and these are my friends, Jas, Yel, and Miah." she said pointing to the girls behind her, I waved my hands to the girls and said,
"Hello, nice to meet you all."
They smiled at me in return and also said hi.
And those girls eventually became my first friends in college. And I was really relieved that I met them, happy at the same time because finally, I can now have friends that I can be with while we're all battling for our dreams. The professor came in minutes later and he just talked about some rules and regulations and we introduced ourselves one by one to the class. I really didn't like that part, I'm really shy and when it comes to speaking up in front, I'm afraid I might stutter and will just stood there frozen and unable to say anything, but my new friends told me that there is nothing to be afraid of, because we are all the same, we're all students and we're all humans, so when it is already my turn to speak, I held my head high, and I introduced myself to the class, I just imagined that it was just me and no one else in that room, and luckily, I was able to pull it off and I was so relieved after I finished speaking and was able to finally sit down again on my sit. The girls were smiling and said that,
"See, you can do that. You did great."
I smiled and thanked them in return.
Hours passed and it was already lunch time, we were talking and discussing where we should eat and what are we going to eat, then Jas, the girl with braces and shoulder level hair said,
"Let's just go to the cafeteria, there are many food kiosks there, we can choose and decide later."
We all agreed and we immediately went there. But unfortunately, there were no vacant table for us, all are occupied, so we decided to just wait for them to finish eating so we can eat after them, but just when we were about to turn back, someone approached us, I recognized her as one of our classmates as well, the girl with a chinky eyes and chubby cheeks, I just forgot her name when she introduced herself earlier, I'm not really good at remembering names.
"Classmates, you can sit with us, there are still vacant seats on our table."
Yel, the one with curly hair and voluptuous physique, replied,
"Really! Omg! thank you, I'm already hungry."
"Yeah, let's go, our table's over there."
We walked to where their table is and I saw that there are two girls sitting in there and there are also six, vacant seats so it'll surely be perfect for us.
The girls at the table waved their hands at us, one of them with blonde hair and eyeglasses and the other one with braces and pink cheeks.
"Hey, sit down now classmates," said the one with blonde hair.
"Thank you, luckily you guys found us." said Miah, the pretty girl with long straight hair and pale white skin, among us, she's the one who looks foreign, and I think she's half american.
We all sat down and started chattering.
"By the way, what's your name, guys?" I asked them.
"Sorry, I couldn't really remember when you introduced yourself earlier, I'm not good with names."
"Oh it's fine, I'm Sha, these two are my friends, Chaw and Cassie."
After that brief introduction, we decided to go buy our food so we can finally eat our lunch. We continued chatting while eating and my heart is just so happy being with those girls, they're fun to be with and they're full of interesting and funny stories, and little did I know that I was already becoming comfortable with their presence and i'm not my usual quiet and shy self anymore, I also talked with them and laugh with them.
After that 1 hour lunch, we decided to go back to our classroom and we also decided that the eight of us should sit together. We sat on the back and that spot has become our usual seat from then on. College has become easy and fun because of them. Having friends really helped me to survive the days, weeks and months of being a freshman student and as time passed, our friendship also became stronger. We are always together and one of our professor even named our group, WONDER GIRLS, because he noticed that we always hang around each other, that the eight of us wouldn't be complete without one another, we help each other with school works, and we always lift each other up and of course, the best thing is our after school hangouts where we always go to places and try different foods. Each one of us has different characteristics, but that didn't stop us to become friends, instead, it makes our friendship unique and more interesting, and now, we are already in our senior year in college, just two more semesters to go and college will be over, but the friendship that we built along the way, and the memories that we gathered since the first day of school during our freshmen years, will forever be treasured and buried deep inside our hearts. Wonder Girls will always be the best thing that has happened to me in my college years and I will forever be proud and thankful of my girls.
 THE END
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spicycreativity · 3 years
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Intertwined - Chapter 1
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Rating: Teen
Content Warnings: It's a hanahaki fic, so. Mild body horror, blood, respiratory illness. (Starts at Ch 3 and gets worse from there).
Characters: All
Pairing: Moceit
Additional Notes: This one was supposed to be Darker and Longer, but turns out I'm not in the headspace to write angst atm, so it ends up moving p fast. Swaps between Janus and Patton's POVs. Post-PoF, light angst. Not whump. They both get hanahaki, but there is absolutely no version of Moceit in my mind where Janus isn't the one who falls first. My AO3 username is WizatdGlick.
Summary: The story of how Janus and Patton find each other at rock bottom and fall in love anyway.
A gentle knock on Janus' door drew him out of his thoughts. He donned a mask of triumph as he rose to open it, straightening his hat as he went. It couldn't be Remus; Remus never knocked so softly, which meant that Janus had to perform. He slid into the role with difficulty, struggling to find the edges of this gloating persona when all he felt was numb and tired and lost.
It was Patton at the door, and Janus felt everything slip, and Patton's eyes lit up with recognition, and all of Janus' resolve fell away in the face of that beseeching gaze.
"Come for another debate?" Janus asked in a low voice, making no effort to hide his ironical smile.
Patton smiled too, though he dropped it a moment too soon. Janus got the distinct impression that Patton was also far too wrung-out to put on any kind of act tonight. "Just came to check on you."
It would be as natural as breathing for Janus to draw back, place his fingertips delicately to his chest, widen his eyes. ' Check on me?' he would say, all faux-innocence, ' Please, Patton, I'm not a child. I don't need your pity.'
But he didn't.
Here was Patton, reaching out, and hadn't that been what Janus had wanted all along? That tiny, fervent flame that he hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge, that smallest ember of hope that someone might just give him what he was convinced he had to take.
The seconds stretched out until the silence verged on awkward, and Janus' pride stood up to do what his cunning would not: "I'm fine." He was fine, strangely. Not happy, as he perhaps should have been, but nothing hurt.
Patton's brow furrowed. "Am I supposed to believe that?" he asked gently.
Something warm and soft and dangerous bloomed in Janus' chest at Patton's look of confusion. He had freckles on his nose, scattered like spilled cinnamon: a trait assigned by Thomas’ subconscious. "Patton," Janus said, flicking his gaze upwards to meet Patton's eyes. "Would you like to come in?"
"To your room ?" Patton asked, eyes widening. He looked past Janus' shoulder and Janus fought not to move and block Patton's gaze with his body. He had just invited Patton in; there was no point getting shy now. "Won't that, y'know, do something to me?"
"It's just a matter of self-control," Janus said, hoping to get a smile out of Patton.
Sure enough, Patton did smile. "What color is my shirt?"
Janus said, "True blue," and stepped backwards to let Patton in.
It was a risk to bring someone into his room like this, but he felt unusually clear-headed tonight, calm and strangely secure despite the fact he had just let a known enemy past his defenses, and despite the exhaustion that made every breath feel heavy.
"Warm in here," Patton remarked, looking around.
Janus motioned him over to a set of armchairs. To be seen was to be judged, and he wasn't sure what he would do if Patton found him lacking again . "I have a question for you, Patton."
In the low light, the tear tracks on Patton's cheeks glimmered when he tilted his head inquisitively. "You do?"
Janus nodded, slow and calculated. He was sure he already knew the answer to the question, and preemptive anger bubbled thick and hot in his veins. "Who," he said, unable to keep from glaring, "came to check on you?"
"Well," said Patton, "Ah… They don't-- Everyone's upset right now--"
"And you're not?" Janus demanded. "And don't you dare tell me that you're fine." His emotions were running too hot; he needed to check himself, but seeing Patton make excuses filled him with a passion he'd only ever felt on Thomas' behalf.
"I am--"
"Don't."
"But I have to be," Patton whispered. "I can't-- I know they told me… They said it was okay for me to be sad, but--"
"If you fall apart, there's no one there to pick up the pieces," Janus guessed. "Sure, you can be sad, as long as it doesn't interfere with your role."
"Don't be mad at them," Patton pleaded, and Janus realized with a jolt that he would get into no one's good graces by slinging around insults.
"It's just hard," Janus said plainly, only half-noticing the words coming out of his mouth. He had just become aware of a keen and sickening new desire, borne on the back of a newfound respect for Patton that he had even lasted this long without having some sort of spectacular breakdown. Janus' whole chest ached with it, that and the equally sickening knowledge that he had just become horrifically vulnerable, that he had fallen under a spell he could never hope to break.
He saw it in his mind's eye: he saw himself stand and lean over, take Patton's jaw in his hands, kiss him long and deep and slow. He saw himself lay his body and soul bare before Patton, getting on his knees to forgive Patton all his perceived flaws. He meant well, after all. He only ever meant well, and it wasn't really his fault that those good intentions were capable of morphing into a cruel and deadly weapon.
But he would plunge that weapon straight into Janus' heart before their lips could ever even meet. Janus could see it now, Patton pulling away in confusion and disgust. His tenuous patience would give out then and there, and Janus would have no hope of acceptance ever again. Same for Remus, probably. They would remain Dark Sides forever, damned to be eternal outcasts. All thanks to Janus' pathetic inability to control himself.
"Why do you care so much about…" Patton hesitated for a moment and gave a shallow sigh. "Well, about me?"
And now Janus found himself walking a chasm’s edge. His instinct was to lean hard into the opposite of the truth and insult Patton so deeply that he left and never came back. Eliminate the threat. But that wasn't an option now of all times. No, he had to maintain a friendship with Patton, somehow. He had to keep himself under control. How fun. "You're a part of Thomas," Janus said. He paused.
"So are the others."
"You've earned my respect."
"Oh," said Patton. "Wow, um. Gosh, that's…" His lower lip trembled. "I should go," he said in a broken voice.
Janus surveyed him in silent agony, teetering on the precipice of a lie. With a monumental effort, he pulled himself away from it and opened his arms. "Come here."
The floodgates opened. Patton fell into Janus' lap, already sobbing. Janus held him, all his muscles stiff and awkward. He was much smaller in the mindscape than he was in Thomas’ eyes and it was difficult to support Patton’s much larger frame. A sharp pain flared in Janus’ collarbone where Patton had buried his forehead and his tears were already starting to seep through Janus' clothes. He cringed at himself and the absurdity of the situation, wishing he had some way to make it better. He should have had words for this, all the right words to soothe away Patton's worries and set him right again. But he was so tired.
"I'm s-s-sorry," Patton said through shuddering sobs that dug his forehead harder into Janus' clavicle.
"It's okay," Janus said, concentrating hard on keeping the effects of his room at bay.
"Are you--" Patton sniffled " --sure you're okay?"
A rush of affection melted Janus' heart and he sighed and held Patton closer despite the shooting pain in his collarbone and the ache in his arms. Even in the midst of a post-breakdown breakdown, Patton was self-sacrificing (self- destructive) enough to check in on him. "You don't have a selfish bone in your body, do you?" Janus sighed, lamenting Patton’s bleeding heart. For some reason, this only made Patton cry harder. Janus cast his mind back to the last time Remus was this upset, found nothing, had to speculate. He and Remus and Virgil were self-sufficient, secretive. When it came to personal crises, they weathered them alone and bore the aftermath in stoicism. "Do you want me to play with your hair?"
"I don't know," Patton sobbed into Janus' chest.
Janus sighed and began to run his fingers through Patton's honey-colored hair, grateful that the thick material of his gloves kept their skin from touching. It was better this way, and a good reminder for Janus. He guarded his heart so closely for a reason.
 
Janus, despite the discomfort from the awkward weight distribution and the clammy feeling of cooled tears on his shirt, was half-asleep in the chair by the time Patton stopped crying.
"Sorry," Patton said, pulling away, and even with snot and tears all over his flushed cheeks, even with his eyes all red and puffy behind his fogged-up glasses and his hair standing up at strange diagonals from Janus' attempts at comfort, he was radiant.
"For having feelings?" Janus asked, gently imaging himself into a new, dry shirt.
"For making them your problem." Patton took his glasses off and began to polish them on the hem of his own shirt.
"Patton, I need you to know this." Janus waited until Patton looked at him before continuing, "I owe you nothing. If I had wanted you to leave, I would have asked you to leave and thought nothing of it."
Patton nodded and went back to polishing his glasses. They were silent for a long moment, during which Janus found himself unable to suppress a series of yawns. It must have been around 4:00 in the morning by this point. They had to have been the only ones awake.
"Hey, Janus," Patton said, finally putting his glasses back on. "You know The Breakfast Club?"
"Yes," Janus said distractedly, trying to figure out where Patton was going with this.
"This wasn't our version of that, was it?"
"What do you mean?"
"When tomorrow comes and we're back to, to some sort of normal… You'll still be my friend, right?"
Now here was a situation Janus had never once envisioned for himself. He had pictured winning over Roman, had pictured gaining Thomas' support. Never once had he expected real friendship with any of them, let alone Patton. "Yes," he said, feeling sick at the irony of it. He had been comfortable as Patton's enemy, was now yearning for his kiss… How could he be friends with Patton when he burned like this for Patton's wholehearted affection? Was he really just supposed to endure it?
Patton smiled, so sweet and earnest that Janus had to bite down on his tongue. "Good," he said. "Speaking of, do you wanna have breakfast with me?"
"Not right now, I hope," Janus teased.
"No, no, not right now." Patton muffled a yawn into his sleeve. "I guess I'd better go."
Janus nodded. "See you in the morning?"
"Um," said Patton, who didn't appear to have been listening. "Thank you, Janus. You didn't have to-- Well, thank you."
He sank out without another word.
Janus imagined himself into his pajamas, imagined the lights off and threw himself onto his bed. "Fuck."
 
--
 
Frigid air seeped from the hallway seeped under the crack where Janus' door stopped just short of the carpet. He didn't allow himself to notice, and continued to put his outfit on piece by agonizing piece. The cold air made his joints slow and achy, and he struggled to get the clasps done up. It was just as well that he hadn't put on his gloves yet. He had become quite adept at handling things while wearing them, but for this task, the bulky fabric would only get in the way. After all, just like his singular snake fang, his gloves were for aesthetics, not function.
Finally, he donned his hat and faced the door, forced to confront that fatal truth: He could never have what he wanted. The moment he had achieved his goal of Thomas’ acceptance, the triumph had slipped away in his hands to be replaced with a truly unattainable goal.
Memories from last night, the phantom sensation of Patton in his arms, teased him until he had to sneer at himself. Pathetic. He was acting pathetic. Falling for Patton was strategically inadvisable, even if he couldn’t help it, but actively pursuing him was out of the question. It was all-risk, no reward. Still, his treacherous heart fluttered, teasing him with the thought of Patton’s lips on his own, Patton’s hands on his body, sharing heat, deepening the kiss--
“All risk,” Janus said out loud to himself, “no reward.” A mantra to see him through. He opened his door, his gloved hand slipping a little on the polished brass of his doorknob, and nearly walked straight into Remus as he passed by with an armful of dismembered dolls.
“Well,” said Janus, tilting his head to better examine the pile of plastic limbs and bodies in Remus’ arms, “I won’t ask what you’re up to.” He stifled a yawn behind his hand, visualizing a piping hot cup of coffee. A shudder wrecked his concentration and he frowned. “Are you the reason it’s so cold in here?”
Remus ignored the question, his feverish eyes darting from Janus’ mouth to his hand to his face. “I knew you were up late last night. That’s why I came this way.” He gave a crooked but strangely boyish grin. “I wanted to know where you’d gotten off to. Or who you’d gotten off with. ”
Janus, to his horror, blushed. Fragmented images flashed through his head-- What if he had kissed Patton? And Patton had kissed back? Mask, mask, mask! “I was spreading the Gospel.”
“You were spreading something , though, weren’t you?” Remus shifted the dolls in his arms and held up a masculine torso. “I know I heard Big Daddy’s voice. Play a little game of Patton- Snake , did you?”
Janus swore he could hear porcelain cracking as his heart began to race. “In all seriousness, Remus, we did reach an agreement.”
“Sounds like you reached more than that.” Remus waggled his tongue.
God, he was relentless when he was on the scent of something. Janus hid his face behind his hands, realizing a moment too late that this display of shame would only add fuel to the fire. So he took the only option left and muttered, “Boundaries,” into his palms.
“Oh,” said Remus, leaning back on his heels. “ Oh. Janus, you didn’t .”
“Of course we didn't!” Janus hissed, dropping his hands.
"But you wanted to?"
“How much did you hear yesterday, anyway?”
“Oh, I heard the whole debacle, including that heartwarming little moment at the end,” Remus said, rocking forward onto his toes. “Thanks for putting in a good word for me, by the way.”
They fell into an awkward silence as Janus once again reached for words that simply weren’t there. “I didn’t mean it,” he said finally, cursing himself.
“No?” said Remus. “Not even a teeny tiny little bit?” He poked Janus in the chest with the plastic torso, still clenched in his left hand. “Right here?”
“You,” said Janus, “are just as evil as I am.”
Remus backed off with a grin, leaving Janus in doubt that he had ever even been angry in the first place. “So where are you off to now? Roman’s got this place awfully cold; gonna go warm Patton’s snake?”
“You already made a ‘Patton snake’ joke,” Janus said, slamming another mask onto his face to hide his blush. “But to answer your question, he asked me to join him for breakfast.”
“Aww.” Remus wiped fake tears from his cheeks. “You better not start spending too much time with him or I’m going to get jealous.”
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6rookie-writer0110 · 4 years
Text
I don't want to watch Back to the Future
Billy Bennett x Male Reader
Request - Billy Bennett x male reader fluff. Reader is a student at Kings and grows bored. The Legacies minus Saya and Maria are annoying and he starts talking to Billy and Co. maybe he helps Billy with Classes, like a study buddies to boyfriends thing? And subsequent questions and teasing from each of their friends
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Billy is having lunch with Lex and Lex noticed how Billy is looking at you.
”Just to talk to him, mate,” Lex said.
”I can't. What if he doesn't want to speak with me? He will think I'm a loser” Billy said.
”Don’t be an idiot, mate. Y/N doesn't care about status, he actually told me that he liked my leather jacket” Lex said.
Billy did feel a little jealous that you spoke to Lex.
”I will try since we have the same classes,” Billy said.
”Don’t chicken out” Lex said.
After lunch, Billy goes to class and he doesn't like history. You walked in the classroom only seat available is next to Billy and you sit next to him. Deep down Billy is smiling and he will try to play it cool.
--
The whole school King's Dominion Atelier knows about your family's legacy. Your mother is the top drug cartel crime lord and she is very ruthless. She always gets away with breaking the law and she knows very powerful people that will help her avoid jail time.
Your father is a dirty ex- FBI agent and knows very powerful people also. Now he sells secrets of the governments, weapons, and drugs in the black market.
--
Billy got his exam back and he failed and you passed your exam.
”Ugh! I hate history” Billy said.
”You have no chance passing this class with those grades,” Master Lin said.
He walked away and you look at Billy.
”I can help you study,” You said.
His eyes opened wide and he smiled.
”Y-yeah! I really need-”
Master Lin smacked the back of your head and Billy’s head hard.
”No talking in my classroom. Pay attention” Master Lin said.
You start to rub your head and Billy does the same.
Class is over and you went to your bedroom to grab other books. Billy ran to his room that he shares with Lex.
”Lex, I need you to leave now. Y/N is coming over to tutor me!” Billy said out loud.
”Nice. But I don't want to leave I will just stay” Lex teased.
”Dude! He will be here” Billy said.
Lex gently smack his face.
”Calm down, mate. Remember, guys like him are hard to impress and if he turns your down is not the end of the world” Lex said.
”You are a horrible motivational speaker,” Billy said.
You knocked on the door and Billy is freaking out. Lex opened the door
”Y/N! Good to see you mate!” Lex said.
”Hi Lex,” You said.
”Well, mates I'm going to have some real fun, not like you two!” Lex said and left.
Billy is glad that Lex left and the room is kinda messy.
”Ready to study?” You asked.
”No, but I don't have a choice and I don't want to fail,” Billy said.
”I will try my best to help you understand history,” You said.
Billy couldn't help to smile.
You sit on his bed and he sits next to you really close. He finds history to be very boring and it makes him sleepy.
”Don’t fall asleep on me” You said.
”History is soo boring. Y/N why would anyone like history?” Billy said.
”I like history because I like to read,” You said.
”Oh. I promise I won’t fall asleep” Billy said.
”I won't let you,” You said.
You and Billy stay up all night studying together. Lex hasn't come back.
✪ ✪ ✪ ✪
Besides history class, you have another class with him and it's toxicology.
”I’m going to prank on Viktor” Billy whispered to you.
”If you get caught I don't know you” You whispered back.
You and Billy tried not to laugh out loud.
You watched Billy make laxative and be the look for professor Jürgen. Viktor is flirting with someone and Billy managed to put laxative in Viktor’s energy drink.
”Now we wait and watch,” Billy said.
He gave you a high five.
Viktor did drink the energy drink seconds later, he starts to feel strange. Billy is laughing and you try not to laugh. Viktor ran out but he accidentally pushed you into the acid chemical on your clothes started to get ruined.
You rapidly took off your shirt and it didn't get on your skin.
”Y/N this isn't a party to get naked” professor Jürgen said.
”Sorry, professor Jürgen,” You said.
”Leave my classroom and come back tomorrow,” professor Jürgen said.
You and Billy leave the classroom.
”My room is closer and you can have my shirt” Billy said.
Billy can't stop checking you out.
”T-thanks,” You said.
You and Billy have been spending more time together and learning about each other. But Billy hasn't asked you out yet and he chickens out when he tries to ask you out.
”Is that Billy’s shirt?” Lex asked.
”Yeah. I ruined my shirt in toxicology class-”
”Don’t lie, mate, you and Billy finally fucked” Lex said.
”We didn't have sex” You said.
Billy and Marcus came back with the pizza. Lex told Marcus that you and Billy had sex but Marcus knew Lex is lying.
”Lex, stop teasing them. We already know they are dating” Marcus teased.
”We are not dating,” Billy said.
Marcus and Lex kept teasing and you rolled your eyes at them.
--
Billy has a hard time telling you how he feels. Lex is giving him a hard time about him not telling you. But he knew how to tell you and he can't stop thinking about the idea.
He bought empty cassette tapes and he started to make a list of songs. He wants to show that he really likes you. And he picked a few bands.
The past 3 days you and the others haven't seen Billy. He is almost done now he starts to write the band's names and song titles. he is proud of himself.
✪ ✪ ✪ ✪
There is a party and everyone from school went. Everyone is drinking and having a good time, but you are looking for Billy.
”Billy where the hell you been!?” You asked.
”I have been busy. So I heard Viktor asked you out” Billy said.
”He did and-”
Billy didn't let you finish the sentence.
”You can't go out with him, Y/N. I'm not good at this talking about my feelings on certain things. But I want you to have this” Billy said.
He gave you two mixtapes and you smiled.
”Thanks. We can listen to it in my car” You said.
”Awesome!” Billy said.
You have a blue Toyota mr2, you put in the tape and pressed play.
”It took me forever to make sure the songs are perfect. It's hard to record it and do it over once I messed up” Billy said.
”Billy, I said no to Viktor when he asked me out. I like someone else” You said.
”Who do you like? Is it, Marcus? I know everyone likes him” Billy said.
”I like you, Billy. You making this mixtape it's awesome. No one has ever made me a mixtape” You said.
You and Billy smile at each other. Billy pressed his lips and you start to kiss him. After the kiss, you and Billy hold hands in the car. He talks about the songs that he picked.
--
You and Billy go to the movie theater and its the first date. You and Billy are watching Weird Science.
”Let’s watch another movie,” You said.
”Sure,” Billy said.
Billy tried the new counterfeit money that Lex gave him. Billy used it to buy snacks then you and Billy sneaked in to watch Mad Max.
✪ ✪ ✪ ✪
You and Billy walked on the roof holding hands. Lex and the others are smoking cigarettes and they are happy for you and Billy.
”About time, you two wankers got together,” Lex said.
”Now the whole school knows we are dating,” You said.
Billy lights up his cigarette.
”Money worked and we managed to buy snacks and sneak into Mad Max,” Billy said.
Billy high five Lex and you are sitting next to Marcus.
--
After a long day of school, you are in Billy’s room. You are in his bed and cuddling with him. Lex isn't in the room, so Billy has alone time with you.
”We have to study,” You said.
”No we don't. We need a break we just had four exams” Billy yawned.
”We have two more exams tomorrow” You said.
Billy picked up his head and he starts to kiss you.
”Let’s take a nap now then we study,” Billy said.
You kiss him back.
”Sounds good,” You said.
Billy smiled and kissed you again. You and Billy did fall asleep together and he cuddles onto you even more.
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xanderwithanx · 3 years
Text
Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.
(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)
I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)
Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.
Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!
I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.
On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!
They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.
I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.
Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.
I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.
Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.
After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.
Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.
I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.
Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.
The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.
I'm SO excited to get started!!
I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!
Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.
Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.
Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.
Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!
I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.
We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.
I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.
Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.
Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.
It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."
sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/
(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)
I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.
I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!
Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.
I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.
The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.
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heir-of-talon · 3 years
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Another chapter with my favourite ship. But maybe I should wreck it?
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HEIR OF TALON 3
Warnings: explicit/underage
Summary:
Garret and Ember spend a day together trying to have fun.
Boy of summer
Garret
I woke up aroused and confused entangled in Ember's warm body. She was asleep, with her thigh carelessly thrown across my hips, her arm resting on my chest with the palm over my rapidly beating heart. I laid motionless for a while enjoying the touch of our bodies, feeling her breath on my neck and wishing that we could stay like this forever. But how could we with all the work awaiting us? This was not a good life for a young girl. Not that I knew much about it, yet still I could see her fading away, every time I saw her she was less lively, less herself and more tired, sad or angry. She insisted that this was what she wanted, that this was important to her. But the Order was less and less important to me. With each group of survivors emerging I could see, that the Order of St George was founded on values, that I could no longer share or excuse. I only continued as their commander to ensure, that the Order will not bounce right back and attack the dragons. But maybe being away in order to protect Ember from a change of hearts in the Order I was failing her in other ways, that were just as important. There, bleak thoughts chased away excitement and pleasure. I needed to get up and get active to clear my head.
I tried gently to wriggle free of Ember's limbs when she tensed and a pair of green eyes snapped open pinning me with intense gaze. The tension and expression melted away almost immediately and she smiled lazily. "Good morning commander" she said raising on one elbow to gaze down at me. Her fingertips slowly traced irregular patterns on the bare skin of my chest sending sweet thrills into my stomach. She pouted her lips and my thoughts strayed to another time, when she was touching me like that, a cargo bed in a clearing in some forgotten end of woods. I wanted her so much, I gathered her closer to my chest with my one arm. "Good morning ma'am, any special wishes for your humble servant?" She giggled and patted me mockingly. "Don't! Think if somebody hears us now? That would ruin the alliance. They would think I have you in thrall." She teased. "Maybe you do?" I said solemnly. "I do what?" She asked. "Have me in thrall. Because I feel that I would do anything for you without giving it a second thought". I looked deep into her eyes letting the joke and the truth sink in. Ember smiled and kissed me, pressing her body closer to mine. I ran my hand down her back and ass and felt heat kindling again in the pit of my stomach. She felt my cock pressing at her thigh and purred with delight before she straddled me grinding her breasts and belly against my upper body. I held her and kissed her, tasting her tongue and breath. I wanted her, my loins were on fire aching with desire and she was right there on top of me, warm and eager. I wanted her to burn me again, if she must. I just needed to be as close as possible. Some part of me seemed melting and running into her already. I felt my heart burning for her when my hands slipped under her t-shirt and stroked her back and sides of her breast, that were pressed tightly against me. I gripped her ass with my other hand. We needed to get her out of these clothes. I peered into Ember's eyes to tell her that and my voice caught in my throat. I could feel blood chilling in my veins. The impression was there and gone but I suddenly felt strange premonition and a thought crossed my mind, that she could just as well be on another planet the way things were. As if some illusion got dispelled by whatever I found on the bottom of the smiling green eyes. So I took her face in both my hands, kissed her briefly and asked. "What do you want to do today?"
"How about nothing?" She said. "I should probably go to my office and grant a ratification of Viper's agreement." She mused, her forehead creasing. "What are you going to do?" She asked. "I'm taking a day off to maintain my dragon girlfriend" I said smiling. "She can literally breath fire and bite my head off and I've been rather neglecting her lately..." Ember smiled happily and kissed me. "Deal. I cannot believe it is the soldier who talks me into skipping work!" She laughed. I rolled to the side making her to lay down beside me and kissing her. We kissed and touched for some time and it was great even though some of the strangely unpleasant feeling lingered in my chest. At last Ember declared herself famished and we decided to leave the bed and seek some breakfast.
*****
I walked towards the waterline with my newly bought and waxed surfing board. Ember let herself woo into buying a new high-tech board that doesn't require waxing by the attendant at the surfing shop and course centre by the beach. Then she proceeded to huff and puff and roll her eyes when I waxed mine with the attendant giving me tips and talking about how fine the weather was for surfing. When I was finished she ran towards the water and now waited for me in shallows beckoning for me to hurry. "Come on Garret! What is it? Are you regretting our bet?" She grinned. I said nothing watching distant surf ahead. "Don't worry, I'll treat you kindly when you lose." "How generous of you." I answered and started deeper into the water. I was exhilarated I could almost feel the vastness of the ocean surrounding me, the freedom calling to me. I looked at Ember and could see, that she had the same revelation. She was grinning madly with her eyes shining, there was nothing left of the exhausted girl in crumpled suit from yesterday. She might be CEO of Talon but she looked more like an overworked intern. It was quite a swim to reach the swells, but neither of us complained. Finally we were there and the wave was coming. Ember's attention focused completely on getting ready to catch it, so I decided to strike back. "How much money?!" I shouted. "What?" She seemed confused her eyes still focused on incoming swells. "How much money you bet on me being pounded more than you?!" "Million dollars soldier boy, you are going down!" She shouted and made to stand up anytime. "I cannot match that!" I teased her. "Million dollars against a daim!" She grinned madly and tried to stand up. I followed her suit and after wobbling a bit went tumbling off into turquoise waters. When I emerged and got water out of my eyes I saw Ember already recovering her board visibly enjoying herself.
Her enjoyment was somewhat diminished when, after three more approaches, where we both got wiped out, I managed to catch the wave and ride it without falling. The experience was almost overwhelming, after months of running, fighting and then managing what was left of the Order, I have almost forgotten, what it is like to do something for the sheer feeling of it. Three more rides and Ember was scowling, she fell off every time and finally, I could not enjoy this anymore. "Let's call it a day!" I shouted to her. "No! You don't get to win this easily!" She seemed close to tears and I could not stand the thought, that I have somehow caused this. I could not remember Ember being such a sour loser. I waded all the way to her and hugged her tightly. "Ember, it's not fun anymore. Let's go and get something to eat." Food managed to lift her spirits nine out of ten times. She looked at me as if she was about to say something nasty, but then she seemed to relax.
We got out of water, changed into dry clothes and drove to a steak house not far away. Over a steak that could cover her whole upper body Ember seemed to cheer up a bit. I watched amazed as the enormous piece of meat disappeared fast in this slip of a girl. It was fascinating, how could I ever have missed this ravenous appetite?
"Go on. Mock me. I deserve it." She said. "Come on Ember, can't we let it go? Or maybe agree on best out of three..." I did not care a bit about this wager, and it definitely was not worth Ember's discomfort for me. "No! I've lost miserably and now have to explain to Archivist, why exactly we have to transfer one million dollars to you." I was dumbstruck. "Don't even think about it! I wouldn't accept it. I didn't mean it seriously." She must have hit her head. "A bet is a bet. You might not have meant it, but I did." She said. "Why? Why would you want to bet a million to a daim on anything?". I was incredulous. "Because I was sure I'd win? Because I have all this millions and apparently can't use them on anything that would bring me joy..." Ember was tearing up again, it pained me to see her so fragile, she was definitely not well. I stood up and slipped into our booth on her side of the table. I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to my chest. "I don't want your money Ember. I love you. I want you to be happy. I know you feel that changing Talon is your responsibility, but maybe someone else could help to administrate the changes?" She looked at me doubtfully. "If you have that much money, maybe pay uncle Liam and aunt Sarah to take care of you in Crescent Beach until you turn eighteen? You could surf every day after school with Lexi and Calvin." I stopped seeing her gaping at me. Then she started to laugh, somewhat joyless, until it turned into sobs and she was weeping and I had no idea what to do other than to hold her.
At last she came to herself. "Oh Garret, how wonderful this would be. But it's impossible." "Why? Why is it impossible Ember? I am sick of the Order. They are adults, let them clean their own mess. We need to do other things in our lives than their bidding. Isn't that why you've rebelled in the first place?" She watched me in silence. "I would gladly leave the Order. Even if that meant I'd have to go to school and work at a gas station. If it meant that I could be with you." I stopped having said all I had to say.
"Oh my! Garret, you truly mean it?!" She said at last. Then she looked very conflicted. "They will never let us go Garret. I don't know if I can live a normal life. This is too much!" But I could feel that she was considering it, so I said. "You don't have to decide right now. Just think about it. I want very much to be with you. Even if you stay in Talon. I could be your bodyguard." Finally Ember's gaze softened. "You would do that for me? Leave the Order?" She said. "I already did. Something just got messed up underway and we ended up exactly, where we started." I said. I have been thinking a lot about our current situation and with each day, when I was away from Ember, fighting Order's battles in a war where there was neither honour nor fortune for me to win, I saw clearer how life was slipping through my fingers. It was possible that it would take more than human lifetime to change the Order and Talon. And even though I was granted extended life by Riley I felt, that this time would be wasted just as well. We would not be as we are, to move on, once the process is advanced enough to let it continue on its own. Ember was already changed beyond recognition after mere months of this life. I caught myself more and more often at hating the Order of St George and Talon and all the mess I was handling on the behalf of both. We had a choice. We've made this choice once, we could make it again. So I put my arms tightly around her and said. "I want to be with you Ember. You've told me, I can live for centuries. But my mind and heart are still human. I miss you. I feel I'm wasting my life being away and struggling to keep control of an organisation, that I'd rather leave. We could be together. I would take care of you while you're taking care of your business." Ember twisted in my embrace putting her arms around my waist and pressed her face to my chest, hugging me tightly. I held her feeling once again the rightness of this, this was where I was supposed to be. This was what I should be doing. At last she looked up at me with shining eyes. "I want that Garret. I miss you too. And Talon can be too much. But I'm afraid that if I just cash out few millions and leave, I'll wake up surrounded by Vipers some time soon. Talon must be at least partially dismantled before it's safe to leave it alone." She started frowning her look vacant. "Then let us work towards this together." I said. "Okay, let's do this together." She said calm now.
I moved back to sit in front of my cold food. Fortunately I have eaten enough before Ember started crying. We ordered waffles with softice for dessert and headed for Ember's apartment. In the car Ember spoke suddenly. "I think I'll give you the million anyways... don't protest. You don't have to use it if you don't want it. Think about it as something you're keeping safe for me, should I ever need it. Like an emergency trust found." It did not sit well with me. "Only if you consider my offer." I answered. "About Crescent Beach." "Deal, I'll think about it." She answered a bit too smugly. We drove back to city listening to old rock songs playing from the radio. Sun was slowly setting and the world was cast in this unreal light, that made it look like a place from a fairytale, like anything was possible.
***
We tumbled onto Ember's white sofa right after entering the apartment. Any weariness from being pounded and peddling for hours left me instantly. Ember pulled off her t-shirt and I cupped her warm soft breast in my hand feeling her heart beating wildly inside it. I bent to kiss it, tasting her skin and hard pointy nipple when my phone rang.
Only two people had this number, it was only to be used in case of emergency. "Ember it's emergency number." I said apologetically and fished the phone from my pants. It was Tristan. It could wait. I put it on silent and moved to lay between Ember's legs again when she braced her hand on my chest. "If it's an emergency shouldn't you check it?" She asked. I should but I don't want to. I thought, and aloud I said. "It's Tristan, he probably wants to know when I will be back." "Still you should check." She said pulling on her t-shirt and pressing her knees together leaving me with few other options. I groaned with disappointment and nestled in another corner of the sofa.
"What is it?" My voice was raspy and my tone was slightly impatient. I cleared my throat. "Have I interrupted something commander?!" Tristan sounded uncharacteristically sour. "Yes, get to the point." I was sure my discomfort could match whatever he felt. "An hour ago commander Knight, six of his people and his wife and daughter arrived. He claims to be commander of some southern chapterhouse, that I have never heard about. He says they're top secret intelligence team. Anyways he's already questioning alliance with dragons, threatening us all with persecution for treason and claiming command over Western Chapterhouse including you and me. So you better get here before he executes someone commander." Shit. Apparently I could not catch a break either.
I quickly reported news to Ember. "You should go right away Garret." She said solemnly. "This sounds serious and dangerous.... for our plans. You and Tristan are the only people inside the Order of St George, that I can trust. We can't risk you getting sidelined by some conservative bloodthirsty commander." As more and more blood circulated in my body I could see her point and had a few of my own to add, but I hated leaving her like that. "I don't want to leave you." I said. "You are not leaving me. You go away to make preparations for our escape." She gave me a brave smile and I kissed her hungrily, letting my hands roam her body, trying commit to memory as much of her as possible, the touch of soft warm skin, the taste of her lips, scent of her hair. I was about to suggest we wait with it till the morning, when she pulled away. "Go Garret. Call me when you know more. I'll help you any way I can, remember." She kissed me again. "I love you Garret. Even though I can't surf anymore." She added and followed me to the doors where she kissed me once more and stood watching,  when I waited for the elevator.
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