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#this sux big time but i was just experimenting so idk
rationalisms · 1 year
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Omg you discord post is exactly what I’ve been thinking as well. I’ve joined it for fandoms and school groups and irl community stuff and each and every time I get so anxious that I end up going ghost. Speaking specifically on fandom though, I recently deleted my account and the app (love being #free) because the one to one feel of involvement is A Lot. I love screaming into the void and shooting off a stupid post way too much so having to think through everything I say is anxiety like I don’t actually want to feel like I’m in a chat room? Idk but it’s the same with twitter, I use it to crack some jokes but the extra sense of familiarity that seems to come with frequent interactions overwhelms me and everyone else just seems to be okay with it. I realize that’s a box of a social anxiety thing in general though. Anyway not that you asked bit this is why I don’t think I’ll ever leave tumblr it caters so perfectly to the hermit in me lol
oh bud i completely feel you, it's an absolute nightmare for people with any amount of social anxiety. pretty much the only reason i use discord is for ttrpg organizational purposes, and for the one movie watching/music league group chat with my group of friends; any servers i've joined that are bigger than that i go through the exact same process every time: agonize over what to say for several days because everyone else already seems incredibly familiar with each other in a way that's so deeply terrifying and intimidating and then eventually just leaving again. which sux! i wanna Take Part In Stuff and meet people who share my interests but i'm a big ball of anxiety and that setting is my nightmare... so i definitely get you. and good on you for deciding that you're no longer getting anything out of it and pulling the plug! it can be hard especially with how much it's assumed that you have certain social media and FOMO and alla dat, so i'm glad you were able to draw a line and i hope it helps make you feel more comfortable.
i don't mind twitter as much because it feels more passive in a lot of ways. like, engagement can just be a driveby fav or even if you do reply or someone replies to you there's an inherent built-in acceptance of delay in response or even just like. Acknowledgement By Fav Can Be Enough. which imo is definitely not the atmosphere for discord at least ime. but it's still not great for fandom stuff for a ton of other reasons including the complete lack of archiving. and honestly, i abandoned my public twitter for my locked down private one for a multitude of reasons and the anxiety around having to keep up some sort of Public Persona is definitely part of it, so i absolutely understand you on that level as well.
tumblr has its own issues obviously, but like you i never felt the same sense of pressure or dread here. a big part of that is obviously the whole reblog system in itself, in that it's totally fine and even encouraged to just, idk , silently curate pretty pictures for a bit and at most commenting in the tags when you have something to say or w/e, but also being able to do the whole shooting random thoughts into the void whenever you want to instead. it's also much, much easier to curate my experience here than anywhere else lol. much more robust blacklisting functions available (albeit reliant on third party extensions) and if you didn't choose to put something on your dash then tumblr won't for the most part force it on you. so that for sure helps.
idk, i don't have the solution! because like, yes in many ways discord and twitter are suboptimal for fandom stuff but in many ways it's also down to the fact that i do obviously have pretty severe anxiety around these things and struggle with it immensely in a way that a lot of people obviously don't. which sucks but isn't their problem.
i still think we should all move to dreamwidth though. if enough of us hermits congregate there other people eventually have to follow, right? that's how we all ended up on tumblr in the first place :x
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aeide-thea · 2 years
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thinking again/always abt like. nonbinary as gender position vs nonbinary as rejection of positioning altogether
like. definitely for me a BIG part of it is the latter but like. when you admit that then it starts to feel like, oh so in a different less binarist society you'd be fine with the fact that you're ""materially female"" or however the fuck t*rfs would put it. and like. i have two feelings abt that, one of which is: we don't live in a different society though?? so much of gender/ing IS the way yr little baby genitals immediately drop you down a chute of getting reacted to in often-totally-subconscious ways by literally everyone around you?
and then also my other feeling is like. it's not actually as though i'm wandering around feeling totally hunky-dory abt my body all the time and just not wanting it labelled, you know? like ig this is cringe now but preteen me read tamora pierce's alanna books and got totally unacknowledged gender stuff from them, like i have this prepuberty memory of like. binding my totally unwanted budding chest with an ace bandage that was kicking around and like, i didn't frame it as transness, i didn't even really have a framing for it, it was just like, unexamined impulse to action in the way of childhood.
like the thing abt innie genitals (also a cringe phrasing but bear with me) is that most of the time you can ignore them, they don't have to be Dealt With. like i don't dress left or right, i just dress. etc. but if i really actually stop 2 examine and contemplate it's like. idk. mixed feelings! probs wish i could have both, or alternate, or whatever. unfortunately bodies don't work like that.
chest stuff also is like. very dislike but would surgery be an improvement. unclear. like 'dislike but am deeply used to & expect & can't actually imagine being any different & feel vaguely uncomfortable at the idea of change' is just. so much. like body feelings like life feelings ig.
---
also like. weirdly i feel like we still don't really have good overarching theory for like. the way you feel on the inside vs the way you get read on the outside. like. dissonance there is frankly a thing not just for trans ppl but for a lot of lgbq ppl—like some ppl are visibly gnc enough that no one ever thinks they're cishet, but plenty aren't—but i feel like i don't see a lot of discussions explicitly about that anymore. like there used to be convos all over the place abt 'passing privilege' that were honestly mostly just repackaged biphobia, so like, glad we don't do that so much, but at the same time—obviously i have a very different experience of the world than somebody whose transness is visible. but also i don't really think i'm having a cis experience! but of course i'm acutely aware that like. i move thru the world in a particular body and most ppl are viewing it in a particular way and attracted or not-attracted to it in a particular way and it's just like. idk. sux lol. wish i trusted anybody to uncouple their feelings abt me from that but how can i when *i* can't even do it.
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gg-astrology · 4 years
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hey I really love your blog and it’s helped me learn a lot about astrology um also I’m a leo sun cap moon sag rising and gem Venus and I just... wanna know if these placements r responsible for me really craving attention n love but also feeling simultaneously very incapable of loving someone and being in love and feeling strongly for anyone at all and idk :/ feels like an internal conflict and it sux big time... is this what happens when moon/Venus is in opposition?? hope U have a great day 🥰
Hey there!! 💓❤️💓 aaaa!!! 💓❤️💓im really glad u like this blog and it helped u with learning astrology!! ;; 💓❤️💓pls,, thats a compliment so thank u ;;💓❤️💓💓❤️💓I hope u have a good day too, and im so sorry about that :( the first thought i had while reading this is that it Will work out ;; 💓❤️💓
We’re all developing somehow, i don’t believe (as long as we’re aware) we can let ourselves be truly incapable of not moving (no matter how still/stagnant we think we are) in any way/shape/form. Eventually, even with just time alone, something will have to settle for us to put it to rest/on pause and move on with another page of our life. Hopefully, we’ll find reprieve in a conclusion we choose ourselves. 💓❤️💓 
I wanted to answer it this way bc there ARE people who feels most comfortable and happy without the conventional norm and we want to be accepting of that as well! 💓❤️💓 This is personal to you, so I can only offer some advice (if you’d have them ;; you don’t have to) -- we have our flavors and our style of love (in this sense it’s just simply care and thought for others, which can be shown in many different ways, expressed in many forms, and developed over a period of time if needed) -- it doesn’t mean it have to be conventional or romantic or “perfect”. Finding our keys, learning to accept and love on ourselves, how we cope, our experience. I think that’s all important to how we make the most of it as well. It’s all a mesh together and sometimes it spins you round, but its ok! 💓❤️💓 You’re capable of love, if not for others in the way they want, then at least love for yourself - in the way you need to cope. And take it further than coping, into real love. Y know? 💓❤️💓
I hope this helps 💓❤️💓 i hope its not cryptic or anything ;; I think you can do it! 💓❤️💓 and if you want to talk to me -- I’m here for you 💓❤️💓💓❤️💓  Thanks for dropping by and being so brave by mentioning all this?? That takes guts to open up, and I’ll look at it with respect and admiration honestly 💓❤️💓
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fairycosmos · 5 years
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hey chloe i love ur blog. i started uni last week and it’s been ok but i’m rly scared i’m never going to make friends:(( i tried to talk to people during freshers week but none of those interactions ever went anywhere and now i’m sat in my room in halls completely alone. i feel like i never learned how to make friends and now i’m terrified i’ll always be alone. i can kind of do small talk but after that i’m awkward and can’t open up/be myself and i just get progressively more shy. any advice?
hi love thank you so much!! i appreciate that a LOT n im so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time right now. i can definitely relate as i think many many people can, even if they seem confident to you. i massively struggle with making friends too, so idk if you've asked the right person sfhkjdhljf :( but generally speaking i guess, during times of such significant change it's very normal to go through a period of adjustment where you only have yourself to rely on and everything's out of wack. it's not an indicator that you'll always be alone and it's not something to be embarrassed about. this is a completely new environment and experience, you're bound to be overwhelmed. it's ok to feel down and to process negative emotions, as long as you can at least try to recognize them for what they are - temporary responses to temporary situations. simply feelings that you can learn to manage in a healthy way if you take the time to prioritize yourself and your needs. and it sux that it hurts and that you have to put up with it, but i promise that things will improve once you get settled n start working on the relationship you have with yourself. of course it's a lot easier said than done, and i genuinely don't blame you at all for being disheartened. every time i talk to someone in real life and i can't maintain the friendship, or i feel uncomfortable and i say the wrong thing, it throws me off and makes me burn with embarrassment. but it's all a learning process, and there's no rule book or deadline. it's very common for young adults to be between friends and to have moments of solitude. it's not like everyone consistently has a great group of friends. and honestly it's a blessing and a curse because obviously it's extremely lonely, and you're allowed to acknowledge that pain, but the freedom can teach you how to be your own best friend. you said you find it hard to be who you are (me 2!!) but....... maybe you'd feel better about showing your personality to others if you appreciated it yourself, in quiet moments. actively working on your self esteem and making the conscious choice to recognizie what you have to offer every single day, even if you feel stupid doing so, could make a difference. it's easy to attract like minded people if you're genuine, you know? the fact that you're making the effort to engage in small talk is wonderful, and like any other ability, social skills take time to develop bro. it's ok to not be great at talking to people when you're young, alright? so anyway point is, i would recommend setting a few small weekly goals for yourself - talk to that girl in class and breathe through the awkwardness, try that new bar or cafe, offer someone your pen. baby steps are great, every effort counts. maybe you could build up to joining a group or a club around your uni? i know that probably seems like a daunting and far fetched idea, and there's no pressure of course, it's just a lot easier to start a conversation when you have some common ground with someone. just something to consider while you get your bearings. ultimately, the world deserves to know you and you deserve companionship, they will never change. i want to stress that the situation you're in right now is not proof that you're destined to be alone or that you've done something wrong - you're just a small fish in a big pond, and so is everyone else, and just because uni isn't everything you expected doesn't mean it won't be worthwhile in its own way. you're doing so much better than you realize and im seriously infinitely proud of you for trying bc that's what it always comes back to. just have to keep dipping your toe in the water, keep it embracing the awkwardness, keep pushing and give yourself breaks when needed. also as a sidenote if this is having a big impact on your mental health/emotional well-being then i just wanted to say that there's honestly no shame in looking into any counselling services or hotlines or support groups that might be on offer. it may feel like you're isolated but there are always people who care and who have the tools to help you navigate. having someone to talk to and learning the root causes of your insecurities, and knowing how to self soothe......all of that will make a difference. don't allow your mind to write the idea off completely. vulnerability isn't something to run from, it often enables positive progress. no matter what your brain is telling you, you'll get through this one day at a time. and if a plan falls through, or you mess up in conversation, then there's always the next day. that's the beauty of uni and being young i suppose. anyway sorry this got so long, i just viscerally understand the absolute shame and discomfort of feeling not right around others. and i really hope you find the patience and self compassion to keep putting one foot in front of the other. even if it seems impossible at times. im rooting for you and honestly ik it's not the same but feel free to message me anytime. sending love and warmth 💘💘
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subtextread · 3 years
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I have had so many conversations in recent days with members of my family, and they have confirmed that they witnessed that my brother had been abusive to me growing up, tried to intervene, inevitably backed off because how attached I was to him.
It is interesting how abuse can continue because of things like this. I was attached to him BECAUSE he was abusive, not in spite of it. One-off interventions were wholly ineffective. He needed actual help and I needed to be removed from him being my caregiver in any capacity. He was able to mitigate the appearance of how harmful he was by being very successful and charming and pious.
We will address why some of these people have been so weirdly critical of my anxiety and depression when they know about this extremely prolonged, low-grade trauma some other day mom lol.
I don’t even, idk. I don’t resent him - I understand how trauma has informed his behavior and when said behavior is positively reinforced and lauded like it’ll get hardwired, right? But I needed to reach this point of understanding so I could move on. ALSO MOVING ON IS VERY HARD I have not slept in three days oh lord. And now that the weeds have cleared in my mind... goodness. Everything is a reminder of some experience of pain he inflicted. Sux 2 be in my family home with all of its Reminders. There’s a teddy bear here that he got me after I was talking about it in the store and he snapped at me and told me to stand outside until they were done (this probably doesn’t seem like a Big Deal, but public displays of anger from someone who frightens you and hurts you is not good), and then when they left, HC gave me the bear and said my brother had bought it for me. I was so attached to it because I was like wow!!! such an expression of love!! I would tell everyone that this bear was special to me because my brother bought it for me even though he was angry at me. Before I continue, as a youth care professional, I just want to say very clearly that this is massively unhealthy behavior - do not do this thing where you demean a child and then reward them later to show that you’re not as heartless as your initial behavior made it seem. I really found so much comfort in this bear when I would like cry in my room after brother would lash out at me because it was a reminder of his love. So unhealthy, oh dear. Anyway, I kept this token forever (clearly - I still have it now, 20 years later). I showed it to my sister-in-law once and was like “Aw I really want to give this to [nephew] because it’ll be like full circle! My brother gave it to me and it was so special to me and I ended up taking it with me everywhere! It’s been on more flights than I can count haha!” And my sister-in-law was like “Oh God, when [brother] saw that, he was massively unimpressed.” And I was like, at the time, okay yikes I guess it is like a silly toy or whatever, but now I’m like a) why were they both so bitchy about this thing lol and b) this was not a good memory! i want to rip this bear’s head off!
I really was like so annoyed that my other cousin and mom had revealed that my sister-in-law had said hurtful things about me and now I’m like (grumble grumble) okay i guess it is Good to Know the Truth. But don’t tell them that lmao because their motivations were kinda petty lmao
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kyuunqsoo · 7 years
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HI ^^
Tagged by @fornarniaandforthefandom. Thanks for the tag sweetie ♡
ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better:
honestly i’m bad at this :/ so, i’m tagging anyone of my followers who wants to do this! if you guys want to let me see (it would be great!) , just @ mention me!! i would love to know more about y’all ~
2nd RULE: BOLD the statements that are true APPEARANCE: ·         I am 5'7" or taller ·         I wear glasses {or contacts} ·         I have at least one tattoo ·         I have at least one piercing ·         I have blonde hair ·         I have brown eyes ·         I have short hair ·         My abs are at least somewhat defined ·         I have or had had braces PERSONALITY: ·         I love meeting new people (at the same time i’m scared too. weird.) ·         People tell me that I’m funny ·         Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me ·         I enjoy physical challenges ·         I enjoy mental challenges ·         I’m playfully rude with people I know well ·         I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ·        There is something I would change about my personality ABILITY: ·         I can sing well ·         I can play an instrument ·         I can do over 30 pushups without stopping ·         I’m a fast runner ·         I can draw well ·         I have a good memory ·         I’m good at doing math in my head ·         I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute ·         I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling ·         I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch ·         I know how to throw a proper punch (after watching all those action movies, i think i’m a pro. #justsaying)
HOBBIES: ·         I enjoy playing sports ·         I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else ·         I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else ·         I have learned a new song in the past week ·         I work out at least once a week (i used to. i got to re-start.) ·         I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months ·         I have drawn something in the past month ·         I enjoy writing ·         fandoms are my #1 passion ·         I do or have done martial arts (does kickboxing count??) EXPERIENCES: ·         I have had my first kiss ·         I have had alcohol ·         I have scored the winning goal in a sports game ·         I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting ·         I have been at an overnight event ·         I have been in a taxi ·         I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year ·         I have beaten a video game in one day ·         I have visited another country ·         I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: ·         I’m in a relationship ·         I have a crush on a celebrity ·         I have a crush on someone I know ·         I have been in at least 3 relationships ·         I have never been in a relationship (life sux. and i’m forever scared.) ·         I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them ·         I get crushes easily ·         I have had a crush on someone for over a year ·         I have been in a relationship for at least a year ·         I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: ·         I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” ·         I live close to my school ·         My parents are still together ·         I have at least one sibling ·         I live in the United States ·         There is snow right now where I live ·         I have hung out with a friend in the past month ·         I have a smartphone ·         I have at least 15 CDs ·         I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: ·         I have breakdanced ·         I know a person named Jamie ·         I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce ·         I have dyed my hair ·         I’m listening to one song on repeat right now ·         I have punched someone in the past week ·         I know someone who has gone to jail ·         I have broken a bone ·         I have eaten a waffle today ·         I know what I want to do with my life (LOL NO.) ·         I speak at least 2 languages ·         I have made a new friend in the past year
My random notes: 1. i definitely am more of an indoor person than an outdoor. i could stay in my room the entire time and still not get bored. but at the same time, if i’m out with my friends, i get really hyper. its weird idk?? i’m definitely an introvert with extrovert qualities. 2. me not being in a relationship used to bother me when i was a couple of years younger, but not much anymore. i personally think ANYONE can find love as long they are more open to finding love. in my case, i want to be in a relationship, but at the same time, i don’t. i’m like that ryu jun yeol character from reply 1988 (have you watched it omg??) i hesitate a lot. i need to change that habit of mine ;; 3. i’m not listening to any song on repeat at the moment, but if i do, Island by Winner is my current go-to for song on repeat ~
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m1sjj3iq-blog · 5 years
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team-uremeshi · 5 years
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relationship wise i’m in a place ive never been before. and i’m scared and i’m fealing things i havent quite felt before. things i dont like idk i’m falling into quick sand or i’m not. it is unknown idk how i feel idk. i dont like tv anymore i’m trying to watch promised neverland and its good and scary but idk. i’m just not vibing and it sux becouse the big got battle is tonight. bleh idk. love and information was weird. i had to pee the whole time but it had serial experiment lain vibes sorta so i dug that idk. i think it made me lonely. idk. i want to share my life with someone. idk. idk.
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rationalisms · 3 years
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i'm in brighton today! only ever been once and was underwhelmed. what should i do /where should i go?
aw hey! sorry you didn't have a good time last time. :( i'm honestly not sure what's open or what you consider, uh, pleasant, given that the weather kinda sux but
- obvious one is the pier, which has an arcade and rides and stuff. and while you're there you might as well chill on the beach for a bit and look at the ocean. idk whether that's fun for you but it's definitely a necessary activity to me
- snoopers paradise in the lanes! a big antique shop with all kinds of weird stuff. rly fun to explore. the lanes in general are also just v cute and have a lot of great vegan cafes/restaurants/bakeries/coffee shops/etc
- idk if you're a record person but brighton has a lot of cool record stores! resident is my favourite, also in the lanes
- the open market has food and artist stalls so if you're into like. artisanal cheeses or experimental baking or whatever then definitely head there
- and if you're a bar person: i like the twisted lemon. the world's end is also neat. and i've heard good things about shuffle (where patrons can choose what the jukebox plays via phone) but i've never personally been so idk
- then there's like... the more obvious touristy stuff like the royal pavillion and its museum, the toys and miniatures museum, or the giant eyesore airways i360 though i reserve the right to personally kick you out of the city if you go there (i jest. if you like overpriced food and massive ugly phallic symbols then please, knock yourself out).
honestly the most fun you can have in brighton is just like... chilling? wandering through the lanes or napping on the beach or w/e. it's not like, chock filled with touristy stuff but i rly love the vibe and atmosphere of this city a lot and it's just lovely to simply take that in.
i hope you have a better experience this time around anyway!
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