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#this is your reminder that if a mental health professional refuses to talk about the actual problem and instead keeps circling back to
bambirex · 1 year
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Finally gathered the courage to see a therapist seeking an actual diagnosis, got told to just stop being gay.
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ask-the-clergy-bc · 1 year
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AAAHHHH can you write some headcannons for the papas helping a depressed partner??
Happy to write this but always like to say a few things when it comes to this particular subject.
You're never alone and there is no shame in asking or seeking help. You don't have to suffer alone, and there is love and support for you during these hard times.
I hope these head canons can bring comfort to anyone who is just having a tough time mentally, right now.
Trigger Warnings for talks of Mental health, depression, depressive symptoms, and talks of doctors/medication.
Further Disclaimer: Every individual with depression has different symptoms and experiences. We all have our own needs and ways support helps us. This will not cover every experience, but I hope it covers a good general range. Thanks!
Papas Supporting Their S/O With Depression
Papa Nihil: Despite not having the best medical knowledge, Nihil knows depression and how it has affected many of his friends in life. Seeing you, his partner, be affected by it makes him sit down and actually learn all he can. Yes, he was always the supportive friend and mentor in his time as Papa. You couldn't be Papa without helping those in need. But it's different now that it's someone so important to him. Nihil makes it a point to sit down with you when you have the energy. The fancy medical text books and blogs can only tell you so much. Nihil knows only YOU know how you feel. That's the root of his faith after all, trusting your own mind and sense. So that's where he truly wants to start and support you! He asks how do YOU feel and what YOU are personally going through. Truthfully, it was nice for someone to ask and not just ASSUME you are having all typical depression symptoms.
You're also a bit flattered that Nihil is protective of you during initially working to feel better. He'd eat his own saxophone before jumping to conclusions that you were going to hurt yourself, or that 'he knew what was better for you.' Nihil trusts you and whatever path you want to take. Just know if it's seeking professional help you'll get the best, and if you felt like your doctor was dismissing you well... the doctor is going to have to deal with a lot of ghouls in their work place. Other than that, he will be by your side as long as you need him. He isn't a doctor, but he loves you with all of his being. So he will be there to carry you when you can't stand.
Papa I: His support is often very gentle yet firm, and goes at your pace. Papa will never force you to 'just get over it' or 'try to be better'. Actually, he often hates blind optimistic or overly cynical approaches to mental health. Neither are helpful, and he'd refuse to subject you to them. Papa is more prepared to ask you what you'd need, and WHEN you'd need it. Maybe one day you need his help entirely, and other days you don't want him messing with your progress! Either way, he's an unwavering presence. As a magic and faith user who supports medical advice, Papa would help shape some aspects of your daily routine to alleviate some of your symptoms. Anything that just makes getting through the day with less stress and hassle. It's slow but steady, but it makes life so much easier!
You find you like him not verbally reminding you to keep with your meds. Instead he incorporates them wordlessly with breakfast or lunch. Instead of energy drinks, he offers hand blended teas he uses from his own garden (He loves a good holistic approach when appropriate in his own aging body.) They are a good way to get a bit of energy and calm down. Papa encourages you to join him for some daily tasks- whether that's a small errand you can run together or a small activity. He worries about a lack of stimuli for you and tries to keep you out of bed as much as possible. But he will never force you. Instead he uses his deep and comforting voice to ask you join him just once. Most importantly? When you have no energy, he let's you rest. Let's you sleep it off because that's your body telling you what you need.
Papa II: I've often said that Papa II always has a tough time with issues he can't fix by punching them in the face. And trust me, if he could punch your depression he absolutely would. Papa keeps to himself how much he HATES watching you struggle. Because sulking about it on his end isn't helpful and he'd never put that burden on you. Instead, Papa tries to do his best to support you where he is needed and wanted. If you looked closely at your daily life, he does subtle things to make your life easier. Encourage you to get up with him in the guise of needing company, cooking to see if you'd eat because he took time to make it, or even just making small comments of 'Oh, I need my vitamin. Do you want me to grab your antidepressant?'
For big things, he goes where he is needed. Papa would be loathed to make you ever feel like you didn't have autonomy even on your low days. So you have discussions about it often. Papa and you have decided that, outside of emotional support, he would get more staff to help with daily tasks. And you appreciate it on days you just can't do anything. What you even cherish more is him always reassuring you that having help DOES NOT make you a burden or useless. Everyone needs a little extra help. And if that means hiring a ghoul or sibling to do some laundry or make food, then by Lucifer, he's going to hire the entire convent! And he'd be BLESSED before he let you feel like it wasn't ok to need support! Papa is always a strong rock for you.
Papa III: Papa has never told anyone about his own struggles with mental health. He's had some pretty bad lows in his life. So he knows exactly what you are going through, and he fucking hates seeing you like this. If it was up to him he'd take it all away and keep you safe. But life is not the fairy tale he'd like it to be. So Papa resolves to do what he always wished someone would do for him; be there to support you unconditionally. Papa offers this in MANY ways. But the most important one he wants to convey to you (should you be open to it) is just making sure you know you are NEVER alone. That, and letting you know you are such a precious person to him and you are NOT broken. Because truthfully, that's all he ever wanted for his own battles.
Papa does everything he can for you, whenever you want. His best expertise is letting you talk it out. Getting out all of your numbness, your fears, and even some of the events that triggered your depression. Other times, he tries to keep you occupied- even if it doesn't necessarily bring you joy. Just something to keep your mind off of how awful you feel AND knowing you have a safe person to do it with. Sometimes these are walks, sometimes these are cheesy horror movies, and even more they are just small activities to do together. Anhedonia was the worst for him, and Papa believes finding some sprinkle of joy in life is a good start to hanging on. For him back in the day it was finding he likes writing. So he's happy to help you discover what brings that spark back for you.
Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Copia is a well known pillar of strength in his flock, even before ascending to Papacy. But it's distressing to him to learn that you, his beloved, has this problem. If it wasn't for the fact he has done this so much he wouldn't feel qualified to help you. But Copia REFUSES to throw a pity party for himself, especially when it's YOU who needs the help! So he's going to be there for you as the best partner he can be! Starting with encouraging you to seek professional help. Copia will always be there as a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on, but he knows his limits. One day when you mention you were considering medical intervention, he sat with you and encouraged you gently. Copia explains all the benefits to you and offers to go with you to your appointment. Even sheepishly he has had to do the same before. He won't be ashamed to admit he's had his own battles with anxiety.
Copia does what he can to assist you when needed. Sometimes he brings you to his office on less busy days so you can have some work. It takes your mind off of matters without being overwhelming. Copia makes all the time for you he can so you don't have to be alone. (or if you want space he gives you all of it you need between checking on you once in a while.) Copia is very big on sticking to professional recommendations, as the routine helped him control his anxiety a bit more. He offers his advice (when asked) and is happy to do tasks with you. With his Papa connections too he gets the best therapist when you ask, and will refuse to stop looking until you find one you have the best chemistry with. A bit over the top? Yes. But you're worth it to him, and he will do whatever he can to see you beat this.
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johannestevans · 9 months
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i was reading your post abt asab at the doctor and my brain tried to go into solution mode as it is wont to do, but i realized like. there is no solution. at least not one that isn't a complete overhaul of the medical system, including research fields.
i've been on t for a year as of tomorrow, and a few months in i noticed my adhd medication stopped working. it got so bad that when i would take it, i would have to fight to keep myself awake. i couldn't figure out what was going on and my doctor just said 'just keep taking it and maybe it'll level out.' several months later, i still felt like absolute shit when i took it to the point where i felt better when i didn't take it. i asked to up the dose but she said it would be 'too much of a shock to my system.' i eventually just stopped taking it because even though i barely function without it, i didn't function at all with it on that dose. i talked to a friend last week who is also on t and he said 'oh yeah your dose is too low. your metabolism can change on t, so it's likely you need to up your dose.' so like not only was this a situation where if i was a cis man my concerns likely would have been addressed immediately, but it was a failure of my doctor to actually understand how trans bodies on hrt work and what they need. so how exactly would having "afab" on my chart have helped??? bc there is no difference in initial dosage between male and female patients, the starting dose is usually 30mg across the board (my doc had me on 30mg initially then lowered my dose to 20mg after i lost access to it for a month??????), the thing that affected me wasn't my fucking vagina or ovaries, it was a change in my endocrine system!!!
and i feel like this heavy reliance on asab makes doctors lazy. they don't do regular blood tests, they don't test your metabolism, your hormone levels, they just assume based on the f or m what your levels should be, or they see that you're fat so they assume you have high bp, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. (cannot tell you how many times i've had nurses take my bp numerous times bc they refused to believe it was average, and i still keep getting hounded abt my blood sugar and cholesterol despite the fact that every single test has come up normal.) like i don't think any doctor has ever even bothered giving me blood tests until i started t, they just assumed from the f on my chart and my body size. i remember getting put on metformin when i was young with no blood tests simply because i was fat, and i still have kidney issues because of it.
anyway sorry for ranting in your inbox, that was kind of all over the place, but your post just really struck a chord and reminded me how much i hate the medical system.
YEAH EXACTLY. I'm so sorry, it's just like... ARGH.
Like especially the weight problems and like... Doctors desperately want to go based off of people's ASAB and what their weight is and not what's normal for them! Same for racial assumptions, especially assumptions doctors will make about Black people and anyone who's dark-skinned and/or has natural hair.
Plus disability! Addiction! Mental health issues! They'll just make assumptions based off any other aspect of their identity - any excuse to dodge talking to the patient and treating them like they're a human being, or acting like as a doctor they're a human being rather than a god and commander.
Like, all these specific metrics rather than what the actual patient's experiences are, and what they're saying. A lot of medical professionals just think the world will end if they actually talk to and listen to one of their patients, and it's infuriating!
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pdrrook · 4 months
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Hi! It's me again. Just wanted to remind you that your work is✨amazing✨. But also a request (if your not uncomfortable with eating disorders). I'd like to ask how the LI's (if it's not too much: + Dia) Would react if they figured out they're partner had an ED.
Ayo tysm ❤️ I think I am comfy with everything unless it's SA or pregnancy, but I'll keep the answers under the cut for those who aren't:
Dia had her own share of struggles throughout her life, so she understands how deeply personal each battle is, and also that ultimately MC has to want to help themselves first. She'd offer to finance professional help should MC wish to receive it, because she's a full believer in the benefits of therapy, otherwise she'll make sure MC knows she's here any time MC wants to talk. 
Reed would be both concerned and terribly guilty for not noticing faster, but given the way he, himself, deals with stress + his own positive relationship with food, in his eyes trying to feed MC their favorite meals and encouraging them to eat would be the correct choice. The same way he can't fathom the possibility of MC ever being insecure, the same way he wouldn't understand them hating themselves in any way, because for him, they are genuinely perfect just for existing. Eventually, he'd go to either Alan or Flavio to help, understanding that the problem runs deeper than just eating in itself, and think of an actual solution from here. 
Laurent would notice pretty fast, both because he usually makes sure MC eats well (he's big on nutrition bc of his training) and because the agents he works with are no strangers to psychological conditions other than PTSD and general stress. In a sense, the possibility of MC's mental health being affected is something sadly expected, if only because of their circumstances. Like most SPD agents, he has personal experience with seeing a shrink, so his go-to would be to convince MC to give it a try. He's also one of the most patient people in regard to letting MC set their own recovery peace and just letting them talk about it without feeling judged, but his helicopter parent urges would be hard to control. 
Alan and Jewel would kind of subconsciously internalize it as, if not entirely their fault, then something they should have prevented. MC would never learn of it, and they'd pour all their focus into learning more about the issue and how to help, but it'd be killing them slowly even after MC got better at managing their disorder. 
Flavio, like Laurent, would notice the signs early on, but out of all RO's he'd feel the most helpless about it. After dealing with Reed as a merc and when they were estranged, he knows how little power he ultimately has over other people's lives. He got burned badly trying to live his life for someone else, to make their day-to-day as smooth as possible, only for them to slip and hurt themselves. He'd be split between feeling for MC, and a numbing sort of 'I failed again,' that he’d try to kill off, feeling guilty for ‘making it all about himself.’
Nino's reaction to things she can't prevent or fix is anger, not toward MC but her own powerlessness. Despite psychological conditions being a well-known issue with the SPD, she's never had to deal with it on a personal basis, she also refused to ever see a shrink unless absolutely necessary. In MC's case, she'd firmly believe that it's 'someone else's fault' as in that the issue could be solved neatly if only she could beat someone up for it. It'd take her a long while to come to terms with the truth.
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one-abuse-survivor · 9 months
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Content Warning: Trauma, Death, Grief
Why can trauma seemingly lay dormant until one is reminded of it again?
When I was about 5, I had a death in my family that must have traumatised me. I'm told I completely shut down and refused to be near anyone who was emotionally affected by it. I acted happy at the funeral, despite this being one of the most important people in my life.
I don't remember any of this at all, but was recently told about it from the person who knew me best in the time around the death.
I have had several deaths in my family since, I was fine with all of them. Both the old and expected, and the young and sudden. I wasn't particularly affected by most of them, though the child did make me cry, but I think that was all. I don't think I've ever experienced grief.
My partner is currently going through the death of a close relative. I don't know how to handle it. I'm angry at the grief them and their family are experiencing. It's almost like I resent them for grieving.
How do I handle their grief? How can I still take care of them with these feelings it's bringing up in me? How do I process my feelings, my trauma?
I don't currently have a support system or anyone I can really talk to outside my partner, and they understandably aren't in a place to support me now.
Thank you in advance.
Hey, nonnie. Sorry for such a late reply; I hope things are going better now.
Firstly, I'm really sorry you went through all that as a kid and sorry for your partner's loss. And, secondly, I think you handled this situation really well at the time you sent this ask. Just the fact you reached out for help is already huge; it means you wanted to take care of your partner as best as you could, while also taking care of yourself and your own emotional needs.
I'm afraid I don't really have any advice on how to handle your partner's grief alongside your grief-related trauma, though, because this isn't something I've been through.
However, I can tell you that it's okay if you can't always be the main source of support for your partner. It's okay to step aside when you need to and let others take care of a loved one, like family members, friends, mental health professionals, religious groups, or maybe local/regional associations that help people navigate grief. Stepping aside in a situation like this doesn't make you a bad partner or selfish. On the contrary: you're doing what's best to protect both of you from being hurt.
Processing trauma isn't something you can do overnight, or get out of the way quickly when someone needs your support. And I think if, for whatever reason, your trauma is causing you to have a fight-or-flight response around someone who is struggling and can't support you, the best thing you can do, at least short and mid-term, is to explain what's happening and explain that you love and care about them, but you need to step aside.
Hope some of this helps, and hope you are both doing better now. Sending all my support your way ❤
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Worried I’m a bit in the weeds with this and as a human service worker for disabled ppl I need perspective, preferably from disabled/chronically ill folk.
a close friend of mine has had health complaints as long as I have known her. initially, it was an unconfirmed diagnosis of endometriosis. a constantly under diagnosed condition in AFAB people. affected her in a myriad of ways. despite constant complaints- to the point of it and her cats dominating our conversations like literally would just call to talk about her back pain and her cats playing and nothing else- and despite leaving multiple jobs while citing chronic pain as the reason, took her years to see a doctor. And then another year or so when the doctor blew her off like I warned her they would. which is discouraging, I know, but I gave her the statistics and discussed medical self advocacy in depth repeatedly every time she called to gripe and used shitty doctors as her reason for inaction. I actually ended up ghosting her for like a year because I couldn’t handle the constant calls that ignored the fact that I had a life and experiences of my own while repeating the same shit, often verbatim, and also overly in depth, overly explained.
We also talked about her mental health, coping with trauma, falling into and working on recovery from addiction from poor mental health. She booked what? One appointment? With the local sliding scale psych office where she said the meds made her nauseous then kept “forgetting to book again”
when she wormed her way back in, she was back at work and had finally, finally, pursued more medical attention. she’d had a colonoscopy and a gall bladder removal which apparently did nothing to help her issue but did exacerbate her IBS. and she’d apparently been fighting a constant battle against kidney stones that no one would do anything about apparently and it made her back pain worse… or caused it idk? for all the repetitive, drawn out, over explanations, I’m still not sure which. but she recently quit this job, which was night shift at a gym, complaining that they expected her to do more cleaning than day shift which exacerbated her pain. okay cool, desk job time right? She though so too until she decided that she misses bartending. And now she’s back to the calls. The long calls where she doesn’t even ask what I’m doing despite it being the middle of my fucking work day to tell me about how she’s gotta piss in a jug for testing. And how she’s gonna try to bartend again. Even though I pointed out that there’s a lot more on your feet and lifting heavy shit with bartending than the night shift gym gig where you had to greet 5 people, sweep up, then sit and read behind the counter for 8 hours. Also reminded her about the jobs that were sedentary that she had specifically asked me to look for. But more long winded explanations and yeah no she quit bartending bc of the pain but mostly bc of management.
Let’s not forget a few nights ago when I pointed out AGAIN that she was working herself up into anxiety and doing the anxious over explainer shit AGAIN and recommended therapy AFUCKINGGAIN and all the sudden her complaints about her mental health disappeared bc actually she likes her anxious thought processes and actually she thinks she’d more anxious if she could slow down her thoughts and aCtUaLlY she doesn’t want to heal up that anxiety
And the thing is that I believe her. She does experience chronic pain. She does deal with health concerns. Her mental health is subpar.
But I don’t know where the line is and I can’t keep having her ignore me as a person and use me as an endless dispenser of advice she refuses to take despite asking for it. I can’t be the ear that bends to all her complaints while she literally ignores what’s going on in my life. And I mean, I’ve dealt with chronic hip and knee pain for like a decade now, but I don’t call and wax poetic, I went to professionals until I got at least enough help to reduce flare up frequency and severity. I don’t use my cptsd, history of manic depression, and (now! because guess who actually did and is doing the therapy thing!) history of anxiety as an excuse. And even when I was in the throes of it, I didn’t wreck my life about it then use these issues as an excuse for it to those who loved me.
I can’t stay in this fucking cycle anymore because it sucks so bad to watch her take little steps forward then giant steps back. And it sucks even worse to have to do constant emotional labor about it.
And I know I’m pissed off and tired but what I need to know is am I being fucking ableist? Because I have dedicated my career to disability services and advocacy and I know it’s not the same when it’s personal like this, but I use what I’ve learned to try to help her but she seems to ignore it so she can call and tell me the exact same shit on a too-long phone call the next week
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anotherjou4500blog · 2 months
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Reflection 1: Building Trust
The Pulitzer Center video, Building Trust, is a valuable resource for young journalists, and I believe that every journalism student at Elon should see it. Many themes, such as transparency and journalistic ethics, are mirrored in courses like Reporting for the Public Good. The testimony of Pulitzer grantees enhanced what I had learned in previous classes by using grounded, real-world examples from the past few years. Several speakers echoed the importance of complete transparency when looking for a story. For example, two grantees brought a copy of the print publication they work for to show potential sources what kind of content they typically run and how the story might look once published. I had never thought of this before, but I think it’s a great idea, especially when reporting in areas where your publication might not be readily accessible. A simple thing like this can be the first step in building a relationship between source and journalist. 
Throughout my college career, I’ve heard countless professors talk about the importance of building a relationship with sources and gaining the trust of the media, but I never truly understood why this is so important until I saw this video. As a journalism student constantly surrounded by fellow reporters, I had never considered that most sources have never encountered the media before. For many, their only interview experience comes at the hands of authority figures such as employers or law enforcement, which is fundamentally different from a journalistic interview, where the subject has all the power. I now know that it is this skewed understanding of interviews that puts people on their guard when someone from the media comes to “ask questions” and why building trust and rapport with sources is so important. 
There are so many tips and tricks for gaining the trust of a source, but they all boil down to having empathy toward your subject. Each grantee echoed the importance of seeing things from the subject’s perspective and understanding what they might have gone through. For example, if the subject has already spoken to the police, it is important to remind them they are in control of this interview and can refuse to answer any questions or stop at any time. This puts the power back in the hands of the subject and boosts their confidence, improving the relationship between interviewer and interviewee, and allowing more heavy, detail-laden questions to be asked. Sometimes a ‘no’ or resistance towards a question can be a sign of a strong relationship and respect between the source and the journalist. 
Another takeaway I had from this video was about the importance of building a community of fellow journalists and how a close network of journalists can have other benefits beyond finding jobs, unlike in other fields. Being on the frontline of tragedy and horror can take a toll on mental health, and a strong group of friends who understand what you’ve seen and are willing to talk can, alongside mental health professionals, help heal the damage. Fellow journalists can also help you get better stories by informing you about safety in culture when you report in a new area or even sharing some contacts. 
The most important thing to remember from this seminar is that stories aren’t merely jobs or assignments, they are people. Whenever I find a new source, I will always think about how if would feel if a stranger asked me personal questions, possibly about the worst period of my life or after a traumatic event, and how I would want them to proceed. From this starting point, I think I’ll be able to build good relationships with sources, even if I still have a lot to learn.
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akaraboonline · 1 year
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10 Ways You Can Help A friend With Depression
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Anyone can be affected by depression. Nonetheless, it is an illness that many people do not understand. People are talking about mental illness a lot more now than they used to. Nonetheless, there is still a stigma associated with mental health. A stigma that prevents many people from discussing depression openly. It can be difficult to know what you can do to help a friend who is depressed. Here are ten things you can do to help a friend who is depressed. 1. Educate Yourself The first step in assisting someone suffering from depression is to learn more about the illness. If you've never experienced depression, it can be difficult to empathize with someone who has. There are numerous excellent resources available online that you can consult. So, do some research and you'll be much better prepared to offer your friend assistance and support. 2. Take It Seriously Depression is not something that can be cured. One good night out, for example, will not solve the problem. When speaking with someone who is depressed, avoid making light of the situation. Depression is a serious medical condition. You can't help someone who is depressed by telling them to cheer up or to pull themselves together and get over it. 3. Become a Good Listener People who are depressed frequently feel very isolated. They may believe they have no one to whom they can express their concerns. You can tell anyone you have a bad cold and they will sympathize. However, it is difficult for a depressed person to express their feelings. Be there for your friend and let them speak for themselves. Encourage them to discuss their illness, but don't try to provide immediate solutions. Your assistance is the most important thing you can provide. 4. Encourage Them to Get Help If a person is severely depressed, it is critical that they seek professional help. There are support groups and counselors available to assist. A person suffering from severe depression may also require medication to alleviate their symptoms. Encourage your friend to consult with their physician. Make your friend understand that depression is a treatable disease. It is not something your friend must deal with on their own. 5. Offer Practical Help People who are depressed may neglect routine tasks. You may discover that they do not have enough food in their home or that they are not keeping up with household chores. A depressed person may also struggle to open their mail and pay their bills. You cannot cure a friend's depression, but you can provide practical assistance. If you're going shopping, see if your friend needs anything. Offer to cook them a meal if you know they aren't eating. Little things like this can mean a lot to someone who is depressed. 6. Keep Them in The Loop A depressed person is more likely to withdraw from social situations. They may refuse to socialize at all. However, keep them informed. Invite them to social gatherings, but don't put too much pressure on them to attend. Inviting your friend to events shows them that they are not forgotten. It will remind them that when they are ready to reengage, their friends will still be there for them. 7. Don't Try to Be an Expert One of the most common feelings that depressed people have is that no one understands them. So, don't try to tell your sick friend how to get better. A healthy diet and exercise can help some people who are depressed. Even medication works differently for different people. Leave the illness treatment to the professionals. Being present for a depressed friend is the most important thing you can do for them. 8. Don't Belittle the Condition Take what your friend says seriously if they tell you how they feel. Depression is not synonymous with having a bad day or feeling sad. It is a crippling condition that can have an impact on every aspect of a person's life. It's not helpful to say things like "I know how you feel" or "we've all been there." It will give your friend the impression that you are dismissing their illness. If you have never experienced depression, you have no idea what it is like. So, rather than pretending, admit that you don't understand what your friend is going through. 9. Be Prepared to Act in an Emergency If you have any doubts that your friend will harm themselves, you must intervene. If you believe your friend is about to commit suicide, contact emergency services. It can be difficult to make a decision if your friend insists on refusing help. In the short term, they may even despise you for interfering. They will, however, thank you for your prompt intervention when they feel better. 10. Be Patient Dealing with a depressed friend can be extremely frustrating. You might prefer to walk away and get on with your life at times. But don't get too frustrated. Don't abandon a friend when they need you the most. Anyone can be affected by depression. You could be the next person who requires depression treatment. Depression is a difficult condition to manage. Both for the person who is sick and for their friends and family. The most important thing you can do for a depressed friend is to be there for them. Encourage your friend to seek assistance and offer your own assistance when necessary. Isn't that what friends are for, after all? Read the full article
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Prioritizing Our Mental Health
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Two recent events have caused me to think that if ever there was a time to promote the importance of minding our mental health and our need for self-care, this is it.
First, it’s impossible to ignore the emergence of coronavirus and the resulting uncertainties we are facing; political, economic, financial and environmental. Stress, fear, anxiety and depression have become a way of life and it can feel difficult to plan for the future when we are continuously barraged with negative news.
Additionally, when Naomi Osaka (the world’s second-ranked women’s tennis player at 23) was fined $15,000 and was threatened to be banned from a critical tournament for refusing to participate in a mandatory news conference, stating that she thought it was better to exercise self-care and personal well-being, rather than to sacrifice her mental health, I was struck not only by her courage but also how she ultimately chose her SELF above her “job.”
Perhaps these two circumstances, with their unparalleled challenges, can remind us of the critical importance of self-preservation and the need to prioritize self-care.
After all, what’s more important than our mental health and sanity, considering the impact they have on all areas of our lives?
What is Mental Health?
Mental health involves the private world where our emotional and innermost life is cultivated. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological and social well-being.  It affects how we think, feel, and act at every stage of our lives. It also determines how we handle stress, relate to others and make choices.
Staying mentally well should be given the same priority as staying physically fit.  If we fall and hurt ourselves no one would tell us to walk it off or to try not to think about it.  However, when we have to make decisions about our professional ambitions, the pursuit of power, or everyday choices, for example, it’s way too easy to allow our mental well-being to fall by the wayside or to sweep it under the rug rather than confront it head on.
Making ourselves a priority is not selfishness. If we want to perform at our best and be the person we want to be, we have to understand that taking care of ourselves mentally is a must.  
How To Put Your Mental Health and Self-Care First
What can we do to improve our mental health and practice fierce self-care? Consider the following:
Set healthy personal boundaries (like Naomi Osaka did). She left a “job” she deeply loved instead of sacrificing her mental health.
Reconsider the way you talk to yourself. We all have internal voices that we converse with. Make sure that voice is not negative because it can harm your mental health.
Avoid self-shaming. You are not weak or selfish if you refuse to subject yourself to unhealthy demands by others.
Build a meaningful support network. Find confidants who understand the challenges you are facing.
Take focused time to recharge. Step away from your computer and don’t worry about what you are going to do next. Personally, I like to walk my dog, workout or read a book.
Ask for help if you need it.
Conclusions
Unfortunately, mental health has been neglected and stigmatized.  Now is the time to be mindful of improving your mental health and self-care.
Navigating through this incredibly demanding time means that our minds need to be healthy to deal with the challenges ahead.
Prioritizing mental health will provide you with many benefits:
Improved self-esteem
Increased energy
Healthier relationships
Reduced depression/anxiety
Greater ability to manage emotions
If you have been putting off setting up an appointment with a therapist, now is the time to call.
If you have any questions, click here to schedule your initial consult.
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Friendly reminder...
Friendly reminder that physically assaulting your kids is manipulating them not disciplining them!
Friendly reminder that if you think that pschologists, psychiatrists, therapists or other study of behavioralists that focus on children don’t know what they’re talking about is the equivalent of saying that medical professionals don’t understand what they’re doing (AKA I should hit my kids is similar to not wearing a mask)
Friendly reminder that psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, etc that work with children DO know what they are talking about when they say that physical assault on your kids is detrimental to your kids mental health
Friendly reminder that hitting your kids continues the cycle of toxic masculinity and teaches daughters to accept physical assault into her adult life and sons that hitting people is a healthy way to handle their stress and emotions
Friendly reminder that hitting kids is lazy parenting
Friendly reminder that hitting your kids doesn’t teach them to behave it teaches them to want to get away from you and hide things from you, and the only other things it could possibly teach a child is that everyone will forever physically assault them so it’ll never be that big of a deal
Friendly reminder that if you respect your parent who regularly and SERIOUSLY physically assaulted you, that you need to see a therapist. Unless you were physically assaulting the parent, or you were in a serious life or death situation, physical violence is NEVER the answer. Harming another human being will NEVER be equivalent to saying a bad word, not cleaning your room, refusing to do your homework, or even being disrespectful. (I seriously just heard someone say that about their mom- an approximation of his exact words... “My mom beat the shit out of me and I respect her because she isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m wrong” That is like... The epitome of manipulation right there.)
Friendly reminder that hitting kids in a non-self-defensive way or protecting way for the child should be included in child abuse laws!
Friendly reminder that therapy for children with behavior disorders should be free! (Along with all other medical services- the government should be required to pay for that not you- because at least in the USA the CONSTITUTION literally states that the government is meant to protect the people and that if the government is not doing so we should be allowed to dismantle said government! (Because that’s literally what our founding fathers did to get tf away from Britain!)
Friendly reminder to not hit your kids
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punkclowngod · 2 years
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hey, reminder that you don’t actually support mentally ill people if:
you make jokes/content to trigger someone’s paranoia/hallucinations/delusions/etc (exemple: “i live in your walls” or “wake up” posts)
you use or stay silent when people use the term narcissistic abuse or any other terms that demonize a disorder
you require mentally ill people to hate their mental illness to listen to them/ you expect them to want to recover from and distance themselves from their mental illness(es)
you call people you don’t like or people doing weird things “psychopaths” “sociopaths” “insane” “crazy” etc
you get offended or bothered when people exhibit symptoms you cannot romanticize/ when someone doesn’t mask or doesn’t have the energy to
you pick and choose which mental illnesses you support/ talk about
you are against self-diagnosis
you think doctors and other health professionals are always right and unable to do mistakes or abuse their power/ if you think their words should never be questioned
you do not take someone seriously because of their symptoms/ because their symptoms make them appear less intelligent to you
you refuse to listen to mentally ill people unless they coddle your feelings and treat you like a saviour
you use mentally ill people for your own gain/to feel morally superior
you trust a doctor over their clients/patients
you romanticize or infantilise symptoms to make them more appealing to you
you do not defend mentally ill people when they are attacked or victimized because of their illness(es)
you do not trust a mentally ill person to describe their own experiences
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xaharadesert · 2 years
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Caring for Mentally Unwell MC - Headcanon
Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC
A/N: here’s the second one @thenolifeprincess! Sorry for keeping you waiting! If you need to talk or vent, please feel free to reach out! I’m always here to listen :)
❤️Julian❤️
He’s the kind of man who just constantly hovers when you’re having a bad day
Even if you ask him to leave you alone, he’s still just sitting in the next room over, waiting for any sign that you need him
If you want him to stay though, then he just smothers you with affection
He gives incredible hugs that completely hide you away from the rest of the world
And he’ll go on long monologues about how much you mean to him
Depending on your mood, the monologues can range from the serious kind that bare the deepest depths of his soul, to an abundance of bad metaphors to make you laugh
He’s not much of a cook, but he’ll take you to any of your favourite places to eat
And if you don’t really feel like being somewhere public, he knows a few very private, very cozy cafes
If you want to talk about your feelings, he’s an amazing listener
But if you’d rather be distracted, he has an endless supply of stories about his travels to tell you
He’s completely understanding of the fact that you won’t feel up to doing much some days, and he’s more than willing to pick up a little extra work
You cared for him in his darkest times; it would be hypocritical of him not to do the same
🧡Portia🧡
She decides that her number one priority is now to make you laugh
Claims that she’ll fistfight whatever is making you upset, even if it isn’t tangible
Even if you don’t really feel like doing much, she’ll still drag you around so you’re not just laying in bed all day
You won’t be doing anything difficult; just enough things so that you won’t feel even worse at the end of the day
This will include stuff like going for a short walk, watering the garden, and baking some cookies together!
Then it’s time to build a giant pillow fort and cuddle, because cuddles make everything better
She pulls out a joke book that you didn’t even know she had, and dedicates some time to finding the absolute worst jokes there are
There will also be several times throughout the day when Portia picks up Pepi and holds her in front of her so she can pretend that Pepi is speaking to you
Turns out Pepi is very creative with her swear words
Portia manages to keep her energy even higher than usual to keep the atmosphere light
You won’t even have a second to let the bad thoughts creep up
💛Lucio💛
Starts by poking you in the face repeatedly while asked what’s wrong with you
When he finds out that you’re not doing so well mentally, he decides that’s completely unacceptable, and has to be fixed immediately
(Obviously mental health problems can’t be fixed in one day, but joke’s on you because he’ll give this 100% of his attention for years if need be)
Prepare to be pampered 24/7, because he’ll be finding every single professional whatever-you-call-people-who-provide-luxury-services to tend to your every need
Of course he’s also going to be joining in on all of this being pampered, because it’s Lucio
Emotions aren’t really his forté, so he’ll probably try to find a therapist for you to talk to as well
I mean, obviously he’ll listen if you want him too, but he wants to solve problems, not just hear about them, so he’ll probably give you some pretty bad advice
Also refuses to let you lay around all day
You don’t really have to do much in day to day life anyway, so he insists you have to enjoy yourself
Mostly this means forcing you to join him outside to play with Mercedes and Melchior
It’s a pretty fun way to pass time, so there’s not much to complain about
Lucio also constantly reminds you that you can get through anything, no matter how hard it is
He’ll compare you to all the the heroes in mythology, and then claim you’re even stronger
💚Muriel💚
If there’s one thing he understands, it’s poor mental health
He stays silent and picks up on it without you saying a word
He lets you do what you feel you need to do, and doesn’t interrupt
He’s still learning healthy coping mechanisms himself, so he doesn’t know how best to help you
Of course he takes care of you
He picks up on any of the chores you usually do, and lets you rest
Inanna stays behind to cuddle and give you kisses
Most of his support is silent; if you want to talk, he’ll listen, but if you want to stay silent, he’ll hold you close and just listen to the crackle of the fire
He does little things to remind you he cares, like bringing up small bouquets of wild flowers
Above all else, he just wants you to know that you’re not alone
💙Asra💙
Everything else goes right out the window when you reveal you’re not doing well
There are now absolutely no expectations, and you’ll get to recover at your own pace, just as one would with a physical ailment
If your mental illness is causing exhaustion, any trips are now postponed, because while they can be fun, they’re also incredibly draining
The exception may be Nepal, which is more of a vacation home than anything
But for the most part, you get to stay in the shop and around Vesuvia
The shop will be closed for a while to give you time to recuperate, and Asra time to care for you
If you want to stay in bed all day, that’s perfectly fine
Asra will bring you tea and snacks regularly
He also adores cuddling with you
If you’re struggling with stuff like bathing, guess what? Magic bath time! Practical and fun!
Faust is also your constant supporter
She follows you around, chanting “Good job! Proud of you!”
💜Nadia💜
Off to therapy you go!
(Only if you’re okay with that, though)
Nadia wants to be pick you constantly, but she also has to maintain Vesuvia (oh, the problems of a Countess)
She asks if you want to see a therapist of any kind to help you while she can’t be with you
If you say yes, great! Depending on what kind of therapist you’d like to see, she’ll find you the best
If not, that’s okay too
She just wants to make sure you don’t isolate yourself completely while she isn’t around
She constantly reminds you that you aren’t a burden, and your struggles are completely valid
When she has time off, she’ll spend all of it pampering you
If she thinks something will help even a little, you’re getting it
Sometimes she’ll commission entire gorgeous outfits for you just to convince you to walk around in the gardens to show it off
If you’re the kind of person who likes makeup or having your hair done, she’ll also spend lots of time helping you perfect new looks
But no matter what you choose, you’ll be beautiful inside and out to her
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mourninglamby · 2 years
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I've always wanted to ask this question
If you could retcon ghostburs character what would you do?
..........no.
This is tricky to talk about because i'm gonna end up repeating the stuff i mentioned in a previous post but I'll try and keep it paraphrased at least.
(to preface this i want to say im not accusing wilbur of anything, i know he's not a professional screenwriter. im only analyzing and critiquing this based on how nuanced his understanding of these topics seemed to be up until recently.)
ghostbur started out fine. At first he manifested as the culmination of wilbur's fondest memories, which on the surface seemed fine and merely melancholic, but later is proven to be much darker and subjective when we learn he remembers his death along with other upsetting things as something happy and celebrated. The most important thing to note here is ghostbur isn't necessarily his happiest memories, ghostbur is the personification of what wilbur viewed as weakness.
His talk with quackity during the elections arc is indicative of this. That's why ghostbur is tragic, and why he works so well as a metaphor for the effects of mental illness and suicide. This is strengthened by those downright bone chilling subtle nods to wilburs mental stability when he was alive, where ghostbur confirms he would cry often, and was morbidly depressed (can't find the source, but it's a clip of him comparing himself to neurotic artists, which in and of itself is sooo fucking cool and poetic given wilburs character having theater and musical motifs).
With that background out of the way, ghostbur, to me, started out as a chilling reminder for how your mental health can not only affect your life, but the people's around you. There's a reason he rarely streamed his perspective. It was about seeing those repercussions for the literal and figurative hole he left behind.
When someone dies, when someone chooses to leave, it's a ripple effect. Wilbur left in such a gruesome, violent way, and with no explanation or even a note. It's hard for me to not be sympathetic when I myself struggle with feelings of hopelessness and self destructive tendencies, but that sympathy has it's limits when you recognize wilburs refusal to see reason or get help. I'm not saying this wasnt without environmental/situational factors, but that's still no excuse for his treatment of tommy (who switched roles with wilbur as the level headed parental figure depsite being 16), and later the entire country he created. This is why november 16th as a metaphor for the effects of suicide makes perfect sense to me, ending with (again, literal. the metaphor isn't hard to identify) explosive consequences for a seemingly necessary action.
Ghostbur, being wilbur, seeing this ripple effect, perceiving the hurt he caused not just by blowing up the country, but by leaving them, was really where i thought this story was going to go. the scene where he revisits pogtopia was haunting and fit his character arc (at the time) perfectly. It conveyed to the audience that just because you arent physically there, you leave things behind. You leave people, places, and feelings that will forever be affected by your absence. I would have had no issue if this is how ghostbur continued, and even if there were no advancements in how much these impact him, id still be happy, since dream revived him in a way that we're supposed to believe was prematurely. to me, ghostburs perfect natural ending would be to understand he hurt people, realize he was loved and that he only hurt himself, and then pass on, giving his loved ones who he saw semblance of reconciliation with a proper goodbye.
(i do want to say while i do have issues with how wilbur was revived, i think this metaphor could have continued without much confusion if wilbur merged with his ghost, and slowly started unveiling ghostburs memories of progress and emotional recovery, leading him to eventually realize recovery is possible and kickstart his redemption arc in a much more meaningful, literal way. but thats my own personal daydream.)
But here we have the issue with the execution of the character. I have absolutely 0 fucking idea why wilbur The Writer decided to turn a painfully raw, beautiful metaphor for suicide/mental illness into a woobified softboy baby. Not only does that make me feel like everything interesting about ghostbur is suddenly called into question, but if he is supposed to be detached completely from wilbur, then we fall back into the trope of needlessly demonizing mentally ill people, completely erasing any sympathy and clarity we would have had for wilbur posthumously. it threatens the validity and impact of anything he fucking said about "himself" back when he was alive. not to mention is it kinda uncomfortable to make the dead character seem happiest when he's dead, playing back into unsavory rhetoric about recovery.
What I'm trying to say is, from a thematic standpoint, it is completely useless. making ghostbur his own separate entity that has no association with wilbur ruins any nuance wilburs violent, deeply upsetting death had. If ghostbur is separate from wilbur, we have no frame of reference to how wilbur actually felt during l'manburg times, the elections, pogtopia, his suicide, NONE OF IT. So his death is added to the pile of characters that serve as a reminder to mentally ill people that is doesnt get better, you're only going to get worse, and then you'll die. Ghostbur was the reason why wilburs inital death became so poignant, and why the message is profound.
Im ending this by saying yes im aware not all mentally ill people are just good people with a scapegoat diagnosis for every bad thing you do. You can still be a bad person. What I'm saying is that this is an oversaturated, potentially dangerous message. (I once again have to link my favorite video about this subject, and i really really REALLY hope you watch it if you want to understand my frustration more and are understandably annoyed with my batshit insane thought process.) If that's the only consistent ending for stories like this, then that perpetuates the idea that there is no hope for recovery for mentally ill people, and the best option is to die.
So no, I don't want to retcon ghostbur. I want to retcon his most recent writing.
(i want to add that sometimes i fear that the smp members just straight up dont understand each others characters, and usually that translates into their characters interactions, but right now, if that's whats happening with ghostbur and why he’s being treated like a separate character, I think i made it abundantly clear that this is a HUGE DETRIMENTTTT. ok bye)
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free--therapy · 3 years
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More About Dealing with Anger
How to Know When Anger is Getting Out of Control
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Anger becomes a problem when it starts to harm you or the people around you.
Signs of anger problems include when:
You find it difficult to avoid expressing anger through unhealthy, unhelpful or destructive behavior such as: - Verbal anger: aggressive shouting, swearing, threats, or name-calling - Physical anger: violence and lashing out, hitting or pushing others, breaking things, punching objects to feel a sense of release - Non-violent or passive anger: ignoring people, sulking, refusing to do tasks or doing them deliberately poorly - Inward anger: hiding your anger, harming yourself, denying yourself your basic needs, saying you hate yourself,
Your anger has a negative impact on your mental and physical health
Anger becomes your go-to emotion, blocking out other feelings
You react quickly and violently to minor issues
You wrongly accuse friends and relatives of disrespecting or lying to you
You consistently have the same arguments with people when reacting to similar triggers each time, without finding new ways to deal with these feelings of anger
You feeling frustrated with your actions during an argument or regretting them instantly after the event
You struggle to compromise or arrive easily at mutual agreements without getting angry
You have problems with expressing emotions in a calm and healthy way
Cycles of bad behaviour may be affecting relationships
Symptoms of An Anger Problem:
Depression, anxiety, paranoia, frustration, lack of sleep, social isolation, headaches, increased blood pressure, heart palpitations, tightened or anxious feelings in the chest area, blushing, sweating, fatigue, substance abuse or addiction.
Anger Management Tips
First, recognize the signs of anger:
heart is beating faster
breathing is quicker
feet are tapping
you're clenching your jaw or fists
a churning feeling in your stomach
tightness in your chest
legs go weak
tense muscles
you feel hot
you have an urge to go to the toilet
sweating, especially your palms
a pounding head
shaking or trembling
dizziness
feeling tense, nervous or unable to relax
feeling guilty
feeling resentful towards other people or situations
you are easily irritated
feeling humiliated
Then, buy yourself some time:
Count to 10 before you react. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything you’ll regret— and allow others involved in the situation to do the same. As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non confrontational way.
Take a timeout. Take yourself out of the situation by going for a short walk – even if it's just around your block or local area.
Talk to a trusted person who's not connected to the situation, such as a friend, family member, counsellor or peer support group. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know, you can confidentially call the Samaritans 24 hours a day to talk about anything that's upsetting you.
Techniques to Manage your Anger feelings:
Breathe slowly – try to breathe out for longer than you breathe in and focus on each breath as you take it.
Relax your body – if you can feel your body getting tense, try focusing on each part of your body in turn to tense and then relax your muscles.
Try mindfulness techniques – mindfulness can help you to be aware of when you're getting angry and can help calm your body and mind down.
Exercise – try to work off your anger through exercise. Sports like running or boxing can be really helpful for releasing pent up energy.
Use up your energy safely in other ways – this can help relieve some of your angry feelings in a way that doesn't hurt yourself or others. For example, you could try tearing up a newspaper, hitting a pillow or smashing ice cubes in a sink.
Do something to distract yourself mentally or physically – anything that completely changes your situation, thoughts or patterns can help stop your anger escalating. See our positive outlets below.
Identify possible solutions: Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.
Stick with 'I' statements: To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."
Don't hold a grudge: If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
Use humor to release tension: Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
Know when to seek help: Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. - Anger management classes allow you to meet others coping with the same struggles and learn tips and techniques for managing your anger. - Therapy, either group or individual, can be a great way to explore the reasons behind your anger and identify triggers. Therapy can also provide a safe place to practice new skills for expressing anger.
Managing Anger in the Long Term
Explore what’s really behind your anger: is your anger masking other feelings such as embarrassment, hurt, insecurity, shame or vulnerability? Is it stemming from what you learned as a child? Is it a symptom of an underlying health problem such as depression, anxiety, trauma or chronic stress?
Identify your triggers:  Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings. When you identify your triggers, think about ways to either avoid them or view the situations differently so they don’t make your blood boil.
Negative thought processes that can trigger anger: anger doesn’t always stem directly from external factors. It is caused by how you react to and think about what happens in these instances. Here are common negative thought patterns that can trigger and fuel anger: - Overgeneralizing: For example, using phrases like “He ALWAYS interrupts me” and “NEVER is on time” or “EVERYONE disrespects me. - Obsessing over “shoulds” and “musts”: having a rigid view/structure of the way things should or must go cultivates anger when reality doesn’t line up. - Mind reading and jumping to conclusions: Assuming you “know” what someone else is thinking or feeling—that they intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or disrespected you. - Collecting straws: Looking for small things to get upset about, usually while overlooking or blowing past anything positive, and letting these small irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and explode, often over something relatively minor. - Blaming. When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You tell yourself, “life’s not fair,” or blame others for your problems rather than taking responsibility for your own life.
Take care of yourself: taking care of your physical and mental health and wellbeing can help ease tension and diffuse anger problems - Manage stress - Talk to someone you trust - Get enough sleep - Exercise regularly - Be smart about alcohol and drugs
Treatment and Support: Talking Therapy and Counseling - Talk to your doctor or PCP about finding a trained professional (a counselor or psychotherapist) to talking about your problems with
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barzyyy · 3 years
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when he’s anxious
trying something different. may is mental health awareness month. if you or someone you know is struggling, visit this website for resources. you are not alone.
tw: anxiety
most people didn’t know that, outside of the confident demeanor that he had while on the ice, mat was actually quite an anxious person. it showed up in simple ways - zoning out while on the bench during a game, being hard on himself when a game didn’t go right and, in more extreme situations, it showed up in a physical form. his whole body would vibrate, his eyes wouldn’t stop searching the room, and he would become distant.
it would frustrate him when people would make comments about his behaviors. “if only they really knew what was going on. i can’t control it, it just happens.” he would say, desperation seeping through his voice. he slowly became more and more insecure, more anxious that his fans would soon figure out that he often struggled to keep his mind at bay.
he secretly credits his hockey skills to his anxious mind. growing up, he would work so meticulously on his craft. hours would be spent outside passing pucks to himself, repeating it until it felt perfect. his mom would call him inside multiple times, always being followed by an “i’m almost done, mom!” he would finally recede and come in two hours later. he told people that he did it because he was passionate, but in reality, he did it because it was the fear of failure that drove him.
when he got drafted, he thought that all of his anxious thoughts would go away. he had finally made it. all of the extra hours spent at the rink were finally paying off, and he no longer had to worry that he devoted his life to hockey for no reason. that the intruding thoughts of how much his parents sacrificed to get him to the NHL would finally disappear.
they only got worse.
when you came into mat’s life, it took a while for him to admit his struggles to you. little did he know, your younger sister faced her own demon of anxiety growing up. you knew just how debilitating it could be, and for that, he was grateful. he finally felt understood. you had a way of addressing his anxious habits without making him feel undignified. besides his immediate family and beau, you were one of the only ones who knew him better than he knew himself.
he didn’t have panic attacks often, but when he did, they were terrifying. no one ever knew what to do. one time he would just want someone to hold his hand, but other times he would get angry when someone got even remotely too close. in the most extreme situations, his entire body would tense up, and he would lose feeling in his hands from unconsciously clenching them so tight. on one specific occassion, you had to call an ambulance because he could barely form a sentence. it was a moment that would never erase itself from your mind for the rest of your life.
the most difficult part for you was knowing that you couldn’t do anything to completely erase his feelings. you had to realize that it was not your job to “fix” him. mat has anxiety, but mat is not his anxiety. regardless if it was the energetic, spontaneous mat or the anxious, emotional mat, you still loved him the same. and that was the only job that you had to do.
mental illnesses can be tough. you found the two of you constantly arguing over whether or not mat should seek a counselor. you would get frustrated when he was only voicing his fears, or cancelling plans last minute because he all of a sudden did not feel like he was in the right mental space. it was frustrating...so, so frustrating. why did he refuse to talk to a professional? you would think that he would be so tired of living this way that he’d be willing to do something about it...right?
you found yourself grieving over the fact that he refused to seek help. you wanted him to get better so badly. the demon of anxiety was not something that you wished on anyone - not even your worst enemy. it was difficult to accept that it would take time to help him realize that he shouldn’t feel ashamed for wanting to talk to a trusted professional that could help him find freedom from his mind.
within all of the struggle though, you still managed to see mat for the person he truly is. he is the man that loves you more than anyone else. the man that takes care of you while you are sick, surprises you with dates and always helps you see the best possible outcomes of situations. he is the man that loses all sense of his “manliness” at the sight of a puppy or a baby. he is the man that you know you will marry one day.
it took time, but you soon came to terms with the fact that the road to freedom was a long, bumpy one. the harsh reality of battling a mental illness both directly and indirectly was not something that people talked about. but you were so passionate about mat that none of the hardships mattered. you were there to love him on the days when he couldn’t even do that for himself.
you made sure to remind him that you were there for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part.
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storiesofsvu · 3 years
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The Marine’s Girl Ch 13
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*not my gif*
Abigail Borin x fem!reader Warnings: language, mentions of mental health struggles.
The next morning was rough, more than rough. After a night full of terror and anxiety, it was safe to say neither of you got much sleep. You told Abi to just stay in bed, but in her stubborn nature, she refused, letting you curl up against her, or rubbing your back as the anxiety attacks brought the contents of your dinner back up. You were even more exhausted in the morning, thankful at least that you had the day off and didn’t have to worry about working in this condition. Abi offered you a coffee but you turned it down, you knew the caffeine would just make you even more jittery, you barely made a dent in the toast she’d made for you before you left the apartment to go track down the meds you so desperately needed.
Abi later joined you back at your apartment, hoping that the more familiar scenery would help in grounding you. You made an emergency appointment with your therapist before your next session and curled up on the couch with your girlfriend. With the help of the Ativan you were able to actually relax and ended up dozing every so often in each other’s arms. When you weren’t half asleep, you started to talk things through, both of you wanted to be together, you wanted to be able to make this work. After all, you’d made it through so much already it felt wrong to not give it your best shot. While you discussed that what you’d had all those years ago in Iraq was completely different from what you were able to have now, you knew there were some minor similarities, while you’d both grown and changed as people, the other person hadn’t left your mind over all those years and challenges.
You asked Abi to change her shampoo, she admitted that the moment she’d found the same brand you used to use she had to have it, a little reminder of you on the daily basis, but she was more than okay giving that up. After your session with your therapist you got back on the meds to help you sleep through the night dreamless, you’d tried to keep using the melatonin in the meantime, but it seemed to be amplifying the nightmares, making them even more strange and dramatic. You discussed what your triggers were with Abi so that she was more than aware of what to avoid and when she might need to get you out of a certain situation.
It took more than a little persuading to get Abi to come with you to a therapy appointment, you reassured her constantly that it wasn’t a couples therapy, it was just her attending one of your sessions. She put up a stink about not wanting to pay a quack to tell her how she was feeling and you were absolutely baffled at the discovery that after everything she’d been through she’d never once talked to a professional about it. She grumbled practically the entire way to the office but knew it was important with you, so she dropped the attitude and actually opened up during the session. She found it helpful to have you there, a way to not have to tell the story over and over again, but to still be able to get it out. You couldn’t help the smirk on your cheeks when she asked you for the offices number, sheepishly apologizing for calling it bullshit before she called to book her own appointment.
All in all, it was going to actually take months for things to get as normal as they could, but you fought through it. With Abi now in therapy, she was opening up boxes she’d sealed tight shut for years, it was bringing up a lot of what she thought she’d processed, and was going through it again. Though she was still stubborn as hell, insisting she was fine and not fully opening up to you about what was said during sessions. It was only after a day you were both down at the NCIS office (you were doing a house call so to say, stitching up DiNozzo’s arm) when there was a half panicked yell from Gibbs. Something in interrogation had set Abi off and you were the only thing that would calm her down. After that, (probably mainly out of embarrassment of something happening in front of the team) she started opening up more and more, asking you to come with her to a session every so often.
The night terrors started to dissipate as your brain readjusted to the meds, leaving you with little, barely memorable bad dreams that just meant you were in a bit of a funk the next day. Abi adjusted to a new routine, and was ever thankful for your incredible support as she did so. You helped each other heal, relying on the other when you needed, and soothing them back to health when they needed.
Today, you were sitting at your kitchen island, working on a research paper, waiting for Abi to come over with dinner. You’d hit a minor roadblock you’d both been kind of putting off discussing, you were committed to each other with no qualms or worries at this point, but her lease was up in a couple of months and you weren’t sure where to go from there. You looked up at the sound of the door opening, smiling at the sight of your girlfriend moving into the apartment, take out in hand.
“Hi baby.” You greeted warmly, humming in satisfaction as she kissed you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders.
“Hi.” Abi laid another kiss to the tip of your nose before untangling from your limbs, moving to unpack the take out, “how’s the paper coming?”
“The usual bullshit.” You sighed, closing the laptop and sliding it off to the side, “I’ll send it off to the editor in the morning. Your eyes moved to the food, “you got all my favourites!?”
“Course.” Smiling she kissed your temple, sliding you a seltzer from the fridge as she grabbed her own. “I also come bearing… a thought.”
“A thought?” You raised a brow to her as you dug into your food.
“I got an offer today. It’s a really good one, pay raise, better benefits, a bigger unit to work with that actually has everything we’d need to properly work cases.” She chewed over a piece of food, “and it even comes with a housing benefit.”
“So what’s the catch? House on the far side of town or something?”
“More like out of state…” she slightly winced, surprised when you barely flinched.
“Where?”
“New Orleans.”
“Amazing.” You commented, “I fucking love crawfish.”
“You are…surprisingly calm about this?” Abi stated and you shrugged.
“There’s basically nothing tying me to Washington. Sure there’s a few acquaintances, and I’d miss seeing Tony bomb every pick up line he tries, but as long as I’m with you, and you’re happy, I’m happy.”
“I talked it over with Gibbs, he thinks I should take it. He said he can write a letter of recommendation for you for the NCIS team out there, make sure you’ve got a job.”
“Abs..” you laughed, “not to get cocky on ya, but I’m a double board certified surgeon who worked with borders. It’s not hard to find a job.”
“So you’re really down with this?”
“I mean it’s kinda what we wanted, isn’t it? A fresh start. Together.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Tell ya what, how about you keep thinking about it, and I’ll start to put some feelers out, see how many connections I’ve got out there. If not, I’ve got more than enough saved up to last a couple of months until I get things sorted.”
“You sure?”
“Abs…I was almost blown to pieces on the job, I got enough compensation from that to last a lifetime.” She noted the casualness in the way you suddenly brought up the bombing, something that months ago absolutely shattered you to even speak about, even to her. Now, it really was something of the past, something that you were slowly moving on from.
“What?” Your head tilted at the expression she was watching you with.
“Nothing.” She smiled, squeezing your hand as she leaned in to kiss you, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
By the end of the week Abi had decided to take the offer and the two of you started to pack up your little scattered lives, melding them together into one new happy one. New Orleans was everything and more, a way for you to begin on your new journey with the love of your life at your side, you still kept up with everything else, making sure your mental health wasn’t left at the wayside. But most importantly you knew you had each other, forever.
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