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phoeebsbuffay · 1 year

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Imagine Anakin Skywalker proposes you.

Warnings: smut and fluff in a very alternative universe. This means no Vader here. Light reading.

Warnings 2: no minors.

Recommendations: “Just Like Heaven” by The Cure; “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri.

***

When it all began…

It all starts with the day you find out you are having feelings for the great General Skywalker. To realize your attachment towards him crosses the field of a concern from one Jedi to another comes like a punch in your stomach.

In truth, the reason why such perception distresses you lies on your fear of feeling anything at all, particularly when he is nearby.

It takes every force of you to bury it. For your own sake—and because you know how besotted he is with that Senator whom you personally think unworthy of him, but oh well—you keep it to yourself.

So it’s Saturday and you have been released of your missions, though coming back from planet Y/C costed you good nights of sleep and a great deal of being scowled by Master Windu for your recklessness. Yet here you are, at the gardens, when you…feel him close.

Anakin has not been obnoxious to you, though. You ignore that his eyes have been following you more than often—-to the point where Ahsoka rolls her eyes everytime you are around and he is distracted—, that he’s been jealous of how you speak kindly to other men, or even so how annoying it is you cannot tell his fondness for you.

He is also a very observing man. That being said, he’s noticed your change of moods, he’s felt the nights you’ve been sleeping unwell, and what is more hurtful is that you don’t come for him to confide your fears like he does to you. Even though Anakin knows how you feel for him, he somewhat hopes you give the first steps.

So here he is. Leaning against the wall, his blue eyes are set on you, admiring the shades of y/c that color your hair, your y/c skin and the robes that reinforce your curves. Anakin holds back a sigh, and it is only when he comes closer that you joke:

“What’s up, Skywalker? What mischief are you up to today?”

“No big deal”, he lies down over the grass, not too far from where you are. Your eyes remain closed and he smirks at you. “Why are you assuming I am up to no good?”

You try to remain serious, but the moment he says that, your lips part in a smile.

“Because you are always annoying Obi-Wan. But since the corridors have been quiet, I’m assuming you are free today?”

Anakin rolls his eyes but he too smiles.

“Yes. For some odd reason everything is quiet. No trainings or missions. I came after you because for some reason that goes beyond my understanding you’ve been a little off these days.”

That observation makes you open your eyes and Anakin can tell that his remark is the reason why your heart starts beating faster. He tries to hold back a smile, even though presumption is behind his blue eyes.

So maybe there is hope.

“What are you talking about, Anakin? Don’t go assuming things.”

“Why, it’s true, though.” He shrugs his shoulders. “The other day when I asked you a favor regarding Senator Amidala, you told me you could not do it because you’ve been already assigned to another mission. And yet I found you playing cards with Fives. I mean… Really?”

For most things you have a sharp wit, but when it comes to Anakin or men in general, you are slow. You also take time to comprehend the meaning of their actions, once usually these can be ambiguous. Hence why you don’t understand why he’s acting so jealous.

“What? How one thing is related to the other? I did have another mission to which I was assigned, and, unlike you, I wasn’t flirting with Fives.”

“I wasn’t flirting with Fives either!”

You chew your bottom lip as he rolls in the grass laughing. And to worsen your case, you say:

“No, but you were flirting with Senator Amidala!”

Now rolling to your side, he is on his elbows staring at you with those bloody blue eyes and a damn smile that makes you melt inside.

“Was I?”

A faint shade of pink paints your cheeks, and however you try to look away from his intent stare, Maker knows you cannot.

“You know damn well that you were”, you narrow your eyes at him. “Why do you think this is so funny to you, Anakin Skywalker? If you want to break the rules and get yourself expelled, it is not my problem. As long as you don’t come lamenting after my ears how the Council never… Oh, please! Stop laughing!”

It is as if you are a teenager again, always being made fun of by him. Anakin had this terrible habit of teasing you until you got seriously irritated. Seeing he’s to the point where he’s about to succeed, Anakin softens and pulls you down back to the grass as you are about to stand and leave him there.

“What do you think you are doing?”, you ask in between giggles.

It’s when your gazes cross again.

“I was never smitten with Senator Amidala, silly head.” His smile spreads as your blush deepens. “It has always been about you. You, Y/N Y/LN. You alone.”

“Oh.”

He is now dangerously close to you. Part of him is over your body, transmitting you sensations before unknown. But you choose to ignore how his arms in each side of you ignore a spark in you.

“Oh indeed”, Anakin smiles warmly. “How could you think it was about her? She is married to Senator Clovis.”

“Is she?” You don’t dare to raise your eyes for fear they might give in too much.

But that’s what he wants. So he raises your chin and slowly moves his lips against yours.

“Yes. I fell in love with you, princess.”

Any resistance is inutile, so as your hands rest in his sides, dragging him over you, you smile as you correspond the kiss.

“As I did with you, Ani.”

***

‘A secret between us’

It’s been three months since Anakin last saw you. It drives him crazy how each has gone to a different mission. Because the relationship has been kept far from the Council’s knowledge, he couldn’t even ask for you.

And before he finds courage to ask Obi-Wan about your whereabouts, he is sent to planet Y/C to investigate the death of Master Dias. It takes further three months before you and him met again.

“You could have sent me a message, you know”, you tell him right as he comes for you. It’s late night and he is in your quarters. Both of you are exhausted, having arrived mere hours earlier. “I tried to send you, but I couldn’t.”

You barely finish with brushing your hair and you feel Anakin’s arms snaking behind you. You smile before turning around to hold him closer if possible. Your hands cup his cheeks, caressing each as you dive in those blue eyes.

“I know. God damn it, I was bloody preoccupied with you, my darling. Next time I will insist to go with you.”

“Yet Anakin, I detest to be the one to remind you that our relationship is a secret that must stay only between us”, you sigh. “They cannot raise any suspicious…”

“They will not. Leave this to me, all right?”

You rest your head against his chest, embraced by his arms before pulled to kiss his lips. Anakin’s fingers are tangled in your hair, his chin rested over your chin. You two stay like this for a while before going to bed.

“How did the mission go?”, you ask, cuddled against him, voice sleepy.

Anakin smiles at your efforts in struggling against exhaustion to hear about his mission.

“Sleep, angel. We will discuss this tomorrow.” Saying so, he presses a kiss over your forehead and you both fall asleep.

As the Jedis are closer to get to Count Dooku, eventually you and Anakin are assigned to a mission together. That is when you two cross the path of General Grievous.

“I will not let you expose yourself in danger, lass.” He tells you, rather baffled by the suggestions you are bringing to defeat the enemy.

“Oh, please Anakin. I’ve been doing that long way before we…”

“No, Y/N. I am not letting you…”

You smile now fades when seeing how serious. You narrow your eyes in turn.

“Oh yes, I am, Skyguy. I never asked you to be concerned about me in first place.”

And that is precisely the most inappropriate moment for you two get in your first argument.

***

Moonlight.

You miss him ardently. This time it burns your skin, it tortures your soul. You cannot simply accept to be by his side and sleep easily; it is not enough to wait every Friday and pray for the Jedi to be asleep as you tiptoe to his quarters and talk to him until sun rises—and you pay for it by drinking lots of coffee the day after.

He too hates how far away you are from him. He detests how paradise is unreachable for him every single time you are sent away, for it makes him feel an outcast. Anakin is anguished for not breathing your scent, not tasting your tongue pairing in so perfect a rhythm against his, not dwelling in your y/c eyes. His heart aches, his soul breaks when he doesn’t hear from you for weeks.

But today, the Jedi senses a strange urge from you before even landing to Coruscant. At first it distresses him—until he comes to discover the cause of it, he is genuinely concerned about you.

However, the moment he escapes to your quarters, every anxiety dies. Engulfed in your arms, Anakin relaxes and tightens his grip around you.

“Fuck, how I’ve missed you, princess”, he mumbles, kissing your cheek and your neck, there staying, breathing the smell of roses.

“Ani”, you sigh in deep content. “What took you so long?”

“I have great news to share”, he tells you, parting the embrace so he can look at you.

Your hair is lose and you are dressing a blue nightgown with white robes partly open. Anakin cannot help but notice the swell of your breasts, seeing your nipples through the silk. He swallows hard, forcing himself to concentrate as you wait with exciting eyes.

He takes your hand and locks with his before taking a seat at the edge of your bed.

“What is it?”, you ask him, sounding louder than you’d like.

“Good news await us. Count Dooku is defeated and so the plan to knock down the Republic has been discovered.”

You raise a hand over your mouth, shock stamped in your features.

“Holy Maker, Ani! So does this mean we found out who the Sith Lord is? And what his intentions are?”

Anakin flashes a smirk, but by this time his mind has already left the main point behind.

“Can we please discuss this later? I miss my girlfriend.”

You blush lightly.

“Why, please. I’ve missed you too, Anakin.” As you dwell in those blue eyes, you feel your heart lighter and every disturbance that sparks in your body disappears. “Maker knows how much.”

Before he reads well into you, you put your arms around his neck and lean to kiss his lips. What starts as a make up session begins to evolve to something more.

“I don’t think you know how much you mean to me”, you tell him, letting your hands play with his curls before slipping to his cheek.

As his hands move to your shoulders, promptly removing your robes before rubbing your arms delicately as if you are a fragile thing, Anakin bites your bottom lip and says:

“I cannot live apart of you, Y/N. You are mine.”

You shiver at how possessive his words sound to your ears, it turns you on.

“Please, show me how”, you beg him, sensing his smirk against yours.

“So this is what has been troubling my princess?”, he asks you, now parting the kiss to look into your eyes only to find out how needy you are by getting lost in them. Holding your chin, Anakin senses the power you delegate to him. “Tell me, love, you’ve been burning, haven’t you?”

Anakin moves further to your bed. He opens lightly the curtains of a widow so the moonlight helps illuminate your quarters in an old fashion way.

All the whilst, he makes you sit in his lap, your legs wrapped around his waist before he slowly rests his hands over your thighs, moving them to remove your nightgown and tossing aside.

“Fuck”, he curses lightly. Instead of feeling shy, you feel yourself wet under his intent gaze. “You are gorgeous, angel. So beautiful. So ethereal.”

Beneath his words, a spark that ignites a fire. You pursuit his lips, famine for his touch, starving for his affection. Anakin smiles when feeling all of the sentiments you’ve been trying to placate…rather unsuccessfully.

He then flips you carefully, going on top of you just after your desperate hands toss away his clothing.

“Looks like you got me on fire”, you whisper, parting your lips as you moan when he starts to get intimate with you.

“We are burning together tonight, my love. I promise you”, he kisses your neck, slipping his tongue in one trace to your full chests. Anakin devours each nipple, holding you against him in such a dominate manner that you can only plead for more.

And he slowly complies to your demands, though he tortures you with his fingers…and then with his mouth, eyeing you as he eats you out. Yet, when you are about to come undone, he goes back to you, shushing your protests with a fiery, passionate kiss.

“Love me”, you beg him.

Because he knows of your needs, tonight is your night—as much as you try to please him too, he wants to make this night a very special one.

“I love you”, he whispers as he locks hands with you.

When your eyes meet and your bodies lock, your souls speak. It’s all perfectly synced.

***

The proposal.

By waking up by your side is the moment Anakin realizes he is no longer content with this secretive relationship of yours. He wants more. It’s when he decides to make you the future Mrs Skywalker. One question remains, though: how?

As you open your eyes and find yourself cuddled against him, smelling his scent, a mix of sweat and his typical perfume, you know there is no better place to he than in his arms. Ignoring his thoughts, you are somewhat inspired when you lean into him and say:

“I would run away with you. Anywhere you want to go, I will be with you.”

When looking into your eyes, this inspiration finds home in his heart as well. But Anakin needs to hold back his impulsivity or he’d might be accused of lacking sensitivity.

“Maker knows I cannot love any other creature that is not you, Y/N.”

There is so much to be said, but for some reason there is no need to let unspoken words reach each other’s tongues. Not only because in one gaze they could see reflected in their eyes the love one feels for the other, but also the abrupt knock on the door that scares you both, a reminder that there is life beyond bed—and the kind that requests your relationship to remain a secret.

It is tiresome to hid. To pretend that neither is too intimate with the other, to ignore the sparks of jealousy that rises in both hearts and minds, to act cooly before certain situations.

As when for example the day you confronted Darth Maul, defeating him in the process and earning some battle scars that almost freaked Anakin out.

“Babe, I told you not to chase that vile being”, he scolded you then. “You could have contacted me.”

“What for? We’ve been there before, Anakin, and I told you a million times that I can do things by myself, thank you very much.”

But these arguments, endless and repetitive as they were, usually ended in bed so both of you knew how to amend it pretty well.

However, you stood in his shoes when Anakin faced the Sith Lord in person. Although this was an occasion that feared you more than you’d care to admit, you were baffled—as well as many others—that he proved to be the chosen one by defeating Chancellor Palpatine once and for all.

“And you call me stubborn”, you told him, shaking your head in disapproval.

Anakin chuckled as you glared at him. Kisses and sweet words were enough to knock your defenses down, although you were not entirely the one to blame for worrying too much.

So now here you are. Amidst celebrations, Anakin doesn’t appreciate the attention earned. For someone so proud, this only seems to separate him from you. Hence why he sees an opportunity—one he has been planning for a while—to elope with you.

You are in the middle of a conversation to Ahsoka—and today you are very elegant, dressing your best dress and wearing a good make up, wanting to feel beautiful for him—when Anakin shows up.

“Excuse me, ladies. General Y/LN, may I have a word with you?”

Although you try to disguise the amusement in your eyes, every effort you and Anakin pay in omitting the true nature of your relationship goes to nothing because Ahsoka, rolling her eyes and resting a hand in her waist, says:

“Really now? Are we all going to play pretend I’m dumb? Skyguy and Y/Nickname, I know that you are…”

“Shhhhh”, you and Anakin say at the same time, with you putting your hands over her mouth.

“Be discreet, Ahsoka”, you whisper, letting her go after ensuring she is not acting otherwise. “Please.”

“I should have not underestimated your observation”, Anakin sighs. “An adolescent like yourself should be paying attention to interests concerning your age, though.”

“Oh please, Skyguy. This is a huge insult to my intelligence. You are barely trying to be discreet. Anyone can tell you and Y/N are together, though judging by others faces in this room, they either pretend not to see what’s crystal clear or they are just blind.”

Anakin and you exchange disconcerted glances, but you try to intervene by appeasing the situation.

“Can we trust in you to keep this low for a while? Come now, Soka. You know how much you mean to us.”

It works. Ahsoka looks at you with other eyes: in fact, she’d always perceived you as a maternal figure, a role you’ve taken to yourself in the e years she’d been under Anakin’s wig knowing her difficulties with other aspects within the Order she struggled with.

“Very well”, she feels proud of herself for the responsibility delegate to her. “You will not be disappointed.”

Anakin rolls his eyes, but you smile at her and press her forehead a kiss.

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

As you go after Anakin, you say:

“What’s with this rush to leave? I thought you’d enjoy to be in the center of attention.”

Once you are in the ship, Anakin flashes you a smirk and says:

“Oh, dear. I couldn’t care less about these boring ceremonies. Now, I think we should enjoy ourselves away from these pompous people. I have a better place to take you to, where I think you’ll love.” He smiles at you before turning the ship on: “Love, this is where the fun begins.”

And that is how he takes you to planet Y/C. Once getting there, you are perplexed by the landscape that draws right under your gaze: a mix of colors that brightens the horizon, brown hills peppered with pink trees—one of the kind you’ve never seen before—amidst small lakes that reinforce a delicately aesthetic.

“It’s so peaceful here, isn’t it?”, Anakin tells you, eyes glued at the expressions your face transmits.

“It is, Ani. Where are you taking me? How’d you know this place?”, you ask him.

He leads you now to the beach. There, Anakin watches with a smile on his lips how you are charmed by the wild nature. That should be the nest of your love, that only grows each day, so he decides.

“I came here only once in that mission concerning Ventress. I always wanted an opportunity to come back, and looks like I have one.”

He pauses, waiting for you to absorb what he is telling you. You take a while to understand, your eyes focused in the purple that paints that ocean, making the scenario so unique and colorful. Never before you felt such a peace.

But when your fingers are locked with his, you slowly comprehend the reason of his subtle getaway from a prestigious ceremony that was praising his great deeds.

“Anakin… What are you saying?”

“For a very long time I’ve been silenced, but I will not tolerate this anymore”, he smiles at you, delighting at your slow discovery. “Allow me to tell you how much I love you, how I cannot spend any more time without you by my side. You are such a precious gift from heavens that I fear to waste away if I don’t…”

He chokes a little with words, thrilled as much as you are.

“Anakin… Ani! Oh, Ani!”, before you can help yourself, your eyes are blurried by tears and you start weeping.

On his knees, he takes a velvet box and opens it right before you.

“I hope these are tears of joy…”, Anakin starts nervously.

You giggle.

“Of course they are!”

“Good”, he clears his throat. “Y/N Y/LN, will you give me the honor of becoming Mrs Skywalker for the rest of your life…?”

He barely finishes the proposal when you throw your arms around his neck.

“Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!”

Anakin beams and so do you. Just after you share a kiss and he places a ring on your finger, he says:

“I’m very happy for choosing the perfect scenario, but can we go elsewhere? I hate sand.”

You laugh and so does he. Locking your arms with his, you say:

“Anywhere with you, Anakin, is going home to me.”

And that is the happiest day of your lives…

***

Epilogue.

…that is until the day you two get married, of course.

It happens in a private ceremony with only C3-P0 and R2-D2 as witnesses. Your hair drops loose in your waist and you wear a traditional white gown you’ve purchased of the planet you came from.

A priest awaits and in front of him, is Anakin. You admire him with eyes already puddled by tears. Your heart skips a bear when setting your gaze upon the man you love with your entire being. He is so handsome with those robes, curly hair dropping over his shoulder—certainly longer than last time—reinforcing an angelical physique that makes you swoon.

“Y/N”, he calls your name as he stands his hand to take yours. As you do so, Anakin, whose eyes are all over you, smiles excitedly. “We are starting a new life now.”

And by saying so, a hand rests upon your stomach.

“How’d you know…?”, you laugh quietly, surprised he noticed before you.

“I know my wife”, Anakin whispers into your ear, pleased to make you blush.

The priest clears his throat, it’s time. As he finally begins, you and him cannot look away from each other. Vows are professed and you are now Mrs Skywalker.

A brighter future awaits for you both, sealed in the form of a kiss…

#star wars #star wars imagine #imagine star wars #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker smut #Hayden Christensen

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ghostofskywalker · 10 months

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weep not for what you've done, but rather who you've lost along the way

Commander Cody/Fem!Jedi!Reader

Words: 3,345

Summary: It wasn't supposed to happen like this, the man you loved wasn't supposed to be the one to end your life. And to make matters worse, you had to keep reliving it, over, and over, with no end in sight and no clear reason why you were subjected to a torture worse than your darkest nightmare.

yearofcreation2023 flower and meaning: june: marigold || despair and grief over the loss of love

@clonexreaderbingo square: heartache

Warnings: ANGST, character death (in a time loop), slightly graphic description of violence

Author's Note: i don't do angst often, but when i do, i make myself cry while writing apparently. half of the fact this even exists is because of the lovely @homie-one-kenobi, who ages ago encouraged me to embrace the angst in my soul and lent me her roll of "time loop" and "order 66" from the roll for clone prompt list i made.

Year of Flowers Masterlist • Clone Troopers Masterlist

From across the holotable, you caught Commander Cody’s eye. The smile on his face was meant only for you, a secret code that no one else had the privilege of understanding. You tried to pay attention what the holos of Obi-Wan and Anakin were saying, but it was hard when you could be staring into the commander’s eyes instead. You were rarely assigned to assist the 212th with their campaigns, so every chance you got was taken with an enthusiasm that you were sure must have worried Master Yoda.

You loved him, there was no mistaking this feeling.

And while you weren’t sure if he felt as strongly about you, the kiss you had shared in the booth at 79’s the last time you were on leave was an indication that he was certainly willing to see where your relationship went.

Once the briefing was over and you were alone with him, you couldn’t help but smile and stare into his eyes. He must have noticed your pensive expression, because he caught your attention by softly saying your name. “Is everything alright?”

“Do you think this war will ever be over?”

He paused, clearly not having expected that question to come out of your mouth. But you couldn’t help it, this conflict had been nothing but an pain-filled toil with no end in sight, and the tax it was taking on both you and many of your fellow Jedi was something you feared would never be removed from your lives. “I don’t know,” was his response, and you appreciated that he was telling the truth, rather than simply sugar-coating a dream you weren’t sure would ever come to pass. “I think all we can do is hope that the tide shifts soon.”

He was right; you had just heard Obi-Wan talk about his plan to corner General Grievous on the other side of the planet, and you were to work with the rest of the troops to provide back-up when necessary,

War was like the crashing waves on a windy beach. There were brief times like this where you could take a step back and breathe, daydream about kisses to come and take the time to meticulously plan out your next moves, but they were few and far between. A vast majority of the time you were being pulled in every direction, forced to do whatever it took to keep yourself afloat as chaos raged all through the galaxy. And of course, every moment of serenity is ripped away far too quickly by the calloused and unforgiving hands of bloodshed, stealing the what-ifs and future tomorrows of the men you had grown close to.

With no warning, the droids came. Thousands of them marched across the surface of the planet and you could hear the distant scream of transport ships, meaning more were certainly on their way. The clones jumped into action, and you pushed into the crowd yourself, the beam of your lightsaber twirling gracefully through the air as you severed heads and limbs from the bumbling Separatist infantry.

With Cody beside you, the droids were no match for the unstoppable force you became. The sound of blaster fire all around you began to dull in your mind as you pushed forward, as more and more of this platoon fell to the ground. For a moment, you couldn’t see if there were any more on the way, and you were about to kill the last droid standing when a shot came from behind you.

You couldn’t see Cody’s face when you turned to look at him, but you knew he was wearing a smirk under his helmet. “I was going to get him you know,” you said, a playful expression on your face.

He shrugged and answered with a nonchalant tone. “Well General, maybe next time you need to be quicker.” Stars, you wanted to kiss him right now.

“Is that challenge, commander?”

Before he could say anything in response, his communication device started to beep. “Do you think that’s General Kenobi?” he asked.

“I hope so,” you said. “He’s a fool for taking on Grievous alone, so I hope he’s okay.”

As Cody stepped away to answer, the sound of another transport ship filled the air, and you turned to watch a small speck of gray whizz through the sky. Motioning to your droid, you called out to Cody that you were going to investigate whatever that was and asking him to let you know whatever he was told. Not wanting to let this ship disappear, you didn’t wait for a response before getting into your ship and taking off, your trusty R3 nestled in the droid port.

A feeling of dread washed over you instantly, and you could feel some kind of disturbance in the Force. Your ship was climbing through the air without issue though, so you just brushed it off.

Until you felt something hit just below you.

There was no time to wonder what was happening, you were under fire and you had to escape it. You turned the controls, intending to land back down and see if any of the men noticed where in the planet’s rocky cliffs the droids had hidden their cannon, but your heart clenched when you noticed another blast barreling towards you, and you were struck with a terrifying realization, that this shot had unmistakably come from Republic artillery.

Too startled to truly react with enough time, you pulled the controls to the left. The shot clipped one of the wings, the sound of its impact echoing through your mind. Now horribly off balance, your ship rocked through the sky and spiraled at the height in which you had gotten hit. “R3, what’s going on?” you said, heartbeat quickening as you tried to ignore the nagging feeling that you were truly being targeted by your own troops. The droid started to beep something, but the next blast came too quickly for him to finish.

Before you began hurtling towards the ground, you tried to make sense of what was happening, how your own troops had seemingly turned on you without warning. But it was no use, and the inevitable descent began.

You were dead before you hit the ground, and even if you hadn’t been, the explosion on impact took care of everything in a few flagrant moments.

***

From across the holotable, you caught Commander Cody’s eye. The smile on his face was meant only for you, a secret code that no one else had the privilege of understanding.

Wait.

Something was wrong here. You discreetly looked around the room, desperately trying to figure out why your body was so on edge at this moment. And to make matters more confusing, you seemed to be able to know everything that Obi-Wan and Anakin were saying on the holotable in front of you. Their plans, their updates, even their mannerisms seemed wholly predictable, as if this was not the first time you had attended this meeting.

Cody was standing next to you now, and his hand found yours, a gesture that was not visible by anyone else. It was comforting for a fleeing moment, but you felt the overwhelming desire to pull away from him. To your fellow Jedi watching from their own holotables, the commander’s expression did not betray the pain behind his eyes at your simple action, but you saw it to be there, a cocktail of confusion and hurt that made your heart squeeze for a moment.

He cared for you, that much was obvious. And you cared for him in a way that the Jedi Code would never allow, to the point where you had considered running away from the Order the moment the war was over, starting a new life with the kind and loving commander by your side.

Soon the meeting was over.

And then the droids arrived.

Once again, this moment of tranquility was cut short as you had to become the leader, shoving the peacekeeper inside your heart aside to instead embrace the violent apathy that your rank in this conflict required of you.

As you cut down the approaching droids in your path, blaster fire echoed through the space as the 212th helped you hold the line. You never worried for yourself in these situations, and these droid in particular were not the most advanced of the bunch. But you seemed to know their attack patterns, and it was in record time that the last of them fell to the ground.

It seemed like things were going well, but you couldn’t shake that feeling of worry and fear that was slowly taking hold in your stomach. And it only grew when the sound of Cody’s communicator went off not far behind you, signaling that someone was trying to contact him.

It was then that you started to realize what these feelings meant, that somehow you had lived this day before. Was your force sensitivity the reason you were seeing these signals, or did the rest of the troops realize that something was different too? You turned to where Cody was standing a few paces away, his back to you as he spoke to whoever had commed in, most likely Obi-Wan letting everyone know what happened with Grievous. He had taken his helmet off this time, and you noticed it resting on the ground a few paces away.

“Cody?” you asked as he turned around. “What’s the verdict?”

When he raised his blaster in your direction, you knew without a doubt that something was wrong.

You dodged the shot when it came, mind racing. “Cody?” you called out again as you ignited your lightsaber. “What’s going on?”

“You’re a traitor to the Republic.” Even his voice was different now, with a sharpness and a coldness to it that you had never heard before, not even when giving orders in a stressful situation. “You need to be eliminated.”

The second shot came, and you deflected the blast. The other troopers just stood there and watched as their commander turned on his general, acting as if everything was fine. “What are you talking about?” you called out, tears starting to well in your eyes. Out of all the combat you expected to engage in during this war, one with your own troops was not on that list.

“You’re a traitor to the Republic,” he said, as if you had not heard him the first time.

Hearing those words once more cemented your impending fate in your mind, that whatever had happened, you were now under fire. Your survival instincts kicked in, and you took off towards the labyrinth of caves that characterized the landscape of this planet. Blasts echoed all around you, but you deflected what you could and tried to tap into the Force as you ran.

You heard one of the other men ask what they should do, and the moment your heart truly shattered was when you heard Cody tell them not to do anything, that this was his kill. Once you were far enough away from the rest of the troops, you paused for a moment.

His kill?

Last time he called you his anything, it was his General. There were other things you’d hoped he would call you, but this was not one of them. The wave of dread that crashed over your body only grew as you heard footsteps echo at some point behind you.

You were fast, but clones were genetically engineered to be faster. He threw his body over yours with a flying leap, knocking your lightsaber out of your hands and pushing you to the ground. For a fleeting moment, you got a good look at his face, and the daggers he glared changed everything for you. This was no longer the man you cared about, this was someone desperate to kill.

And you refused to let that happen.

Kicking upward, you managed to surprise him enough to wrestle the blaster from his hands, sending it flying across the ground and coming to rest near your saber. But that only gave you a second of advantage, because he pulled a vibroblade from his belt and immediately continued his attack. He hadn’t yet landed a hit on you but it still hurt, because you didn’t want to fight him. This wasn’t the man you had grown to care so much for, but as you dodged, kicked, and wrestled with him, you could feel your resolve growing thin.

So when you felt the blade pierce your midsection, you had almost made peace with your fate.

This death was much slower than the last, something you realized as you laid on the ground, acutely aware of the way that blood was staining your robes as it seeped from the wound. Your memories were much clearer now, and you didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse.

Maybe you were completely delusional, or maybe the pain and the blood was causing you to see things that weren’t there, but you could have sworn you saw a flash of regret in Cody’s eyes as he pulled the vibroblade out of your abdomen and stood above you, watching and waiting for your next move.

But if that regret was ever truly there, that emotion was gone from his face just as quickly as it formed, and the pain became too much for you to bear.

With a final breath, you closed your eyes and prepared to become one with the Force.

***

Something was wrong, you knew that now. As innocent as the smile on Cody’s face was, all you could think about as the two of you stood at the holotable was what you knew to be coming. There was no pretending anymore, you remembered everything. And not only were you desperate to find away out of this trap, you wanted to find the one reality, the one set of choices, that would allow you to walk away from this experience.

You had no idea what was happening to the rest of your fellow Jedi, whether or not they were trapped in this same torturous cycle of betrayal and pain. You were afraid of what you’d find if you ever did escape this, afraid of what the galaxy had turned into. But most of all, you were afraid of what you might have to do in order to truly escape. Could you still call yourself a Jedi if you killed the man you loved, even if he was dead set on killing you first? Could you live with the choices you made, even if they were the only option?

Countering the droid attack was easy by now, and you relished the simplicity of it. You beheaded and dismembered the platoon as they attempted to march forward, watching as their parts fell to the ground beside you and almost dancing as you twirled your saber. The clones hadn’t yet turned on you, and you could still trust them to come to your aid.

Part of you wanted to get in your ship now, to run away before whatever switch they had was flicked, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. Besides, who knew what you would find if you were to return to the Jedi temple and try to warn the others, and they would probably think you were full of bantha shit. So you stayed, and you once again had to watch as the battle finished and Cody received a communication from parties unknown.

That must be the moment that things all go wrong, you decided, and you covertly used the Force to lift the commander’s blaster from the ground next to him, sending it flying away from both him and the other troops. You received odd looks, but it didn’t matter.

This time, you could hear what Cody was saying before he fixed his steely gaze on you and declared you a traitor to the Republic. “Execute Order 66.”

“Cody,” you pleaded, hopelessly wishing that this time would be different, clinging onto the desperate desire that he wouldn’t try to kill you in the next few moments. “Don’t do this.”

It was a useless effort.

You already knew that, but it took hearing the word “traitor” from his mouth for you to actually believe it. All noise was dulled in your ears as your mind took over, and once again your survival instinct won over your affections for the man standing in front of you.

This time was similar to the last version of this day you had lived, where you took off running and tried to escape the fate that Cody had in store for you. And once again you found yourself far away from the rest of the troops by the time he caught up.

His helmet was on this time, which a part of you appreciated, because you weren’t sure if you could take the pain of seeing his face while you fought. But his vibroblade was out, and you had no intentions of repeating your previous fate. When you used the Force to send his weapon skittering across the floor, an audible growl escaped his mouth, and you pretty much knew what was coming next.

You had spent your free time sparring with some of the clones before, but never before had you considered that you’d be drawing on those experiences in a bitter fight for your life. It was your unwavering desire to survive that truly kept you going as you swung and kicked at the man who you had kissed in one of the booths at 79’s, who you had dreamed about running away with when the war was over. You doubted he remembered any of that now, but it didn’t make fighting him any easier.

You threw your arm out in a burst of emotion, harnessing the Force to send the commander flying backwards. The crack of his armor hitting the stone of the cliff made your heart clench, but it was the chance you so desperately needed to get away. It took every ounce of resolve to just leave him there, slumped over on the ground, but you did not want to risk your life once more.

He stirred once and let out a pitiful groan as you looked back for the last time, and that was enough for you to absolve yourself of this crime. Maybe one day you would be able to see him again, and things could be different, but a delusional fantasy like that one was no use to you now.

It was something of an immense relief to find your ship completely deserted, the other troopers nowhere to be found. R3 wasn’t there, but you didn’t know if you had the time to wait for him, and you didn’t question this development as you quickly took off, throwing the tiny starship into hyperspace the moment you were far enough away from the painful choices and suffocating memories of the planet.

The fact that you were now completely alone hit first. There was a raw and ragged wave of darkness that washed over you, what you realized must have been the pain and suffering of every other Jedi as they died at the hands of those they trusted the most, their commanders and troops. What were you to do with your life now? Was your escape from this infinite nightmare truly a victory, or did you simply just throw yourself into a new hell?

The blue streaks of hyperspace used to be a comfort, a testament to the power and sprawling vastness of the galaxy, but now they were just another reminder of what you had done, and what you still had to face.

There was no stopping the tears that rolled down your face as you screamed to no one in particular, a ugly, guttural noise that communicated every emotion that you couldn’t articulate. But unlike what had happened every instance before, time didn’t reset. No, you were forced to move forward from here.

There was no other choice.

- the end -

#CFB2023 #commander cody #commander cody x reader #commander cody fanfiction #commander cody x you #commander cody x female reader #clone trooper x reader #clone wars fanfiction

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mcu-coworkers · 2 years

Text

Bonded

Summary: From beginning to end this is the story of a bond that stretched as thin as it possibly could before both ends meet again. “True love is not a hide and seek game: in true love, both lovers seek each other.” - M.B.J

Wordcount: 5,793

Pairings: Anakin Skywalker x Y/n reader, Darth Vader x y/n reader

Warnings: Death, war, sadness, betrayal, violence

A/n: I am back with yet another story while I finish off the Enchanted epilogue, this one sort of follows the actual time line with a bit of my own little spins here and there, I hope you all like it and as always thank you for reading!xx (GIF credits to @taika-waititi)

Madsterlist

Two Three

As younglings you and Anakin had become close given that you had no friends and he was the odd one out for joining the Jedi so late.

“Why are you sitting here alone?” he asked, startling you out of your breakfast.

Turning to him, noticing he too was alone, you answered, “Why are you?” you noticed there were plenty of empty tables.

“Thought you could use some company” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he sat down.

Surprised, you looked around again wondering if this was some kind of prank.

“These kids are some idiots.” Anakin said as he looked at you smiling.

Eyes widening at his foul words you still didn't speak.

“You don't talk much do you? What's your name? Mines Anakin.” he said as he dove into his food casually.

“Y/n, hard time making friends?” you said as you looked back down at your food.

“Nah, Obi-wan say’s I ‘ll know when I see them and then I see you.” He said as he finished his food rather quickly.

Blushing you froze, “Why because I was sitting alone?” you said, questioning his interpretation of Obi-wan's words.

Smiling, he looked at you funny, “Because something in my mind told me to so I followed it, Pooks.” he said casually. Pooks? What?

“Pooks?” you said confused.

“Yeah, it just feels right.” he said, shrugging once again.

Smiling at the nickname you went back to eating your food as Anakin went on and on about his training sessions with Obi-wan.

Meanwhile Obi-wan watched you both alongside Mace Windu.

“Are you sure you can train him Kenobi?” he asked, unsure of the whole situation.

“ I made a promise to master Qui-gon, I will follow through with it.” he said as he turned back to watch you both.

“As you wish, Maybe y/n can help him outside of our studies. She is strong with the force at her age.” he said, proud of his Padawan's quick learning.

“That will be gladly appreciated.” Obi-wan said, feeling slight relief.

And from that day on your life alongside Anakin Skywalker began.

[..Ten years later..]

It had been a regular morning like any other day until Anakin didn't show up to breakfast at your table like he usually did.

When something didn't feel quite right you decided to head up to his room and hoped you’d find him there.

Before you could knock on his door it opened, walking in slowly you felt his presence and you knew he felt yours.

Looking around you found him on his balcony with his eyes closed, he was meditating.

Sighing in relief you decided to leave him but as you turned around he stopped you.

“Don't leave, your presence soothes me.” he said, opening his eyes and turning to you.

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, “what troubles you Anakin?” you said as you tried to hide the way your heart soard everytime he looked at you.

You don't know when it happened or how, but you realized it when he’d been sent away with Obi-wan on a mission and all you could think about was him.

You’d tried meditation, creating space, even finding him a new sparring partner so he’d look for you less and your heart would stop doing cart wheels everytime he said that damned nickname.

“Come with me Pooks. I‘m gonna need you on this one.” he said, smiling at you softly.

Not even knowing where he had asked you to go from being zoned out it didn't matter your answer would still be the same.

“Of Course Ani, always.” you smiled as you caressed his face making him lean into your touch calming his nerves.

Suddenly you’d wished you hadn’t zoned out when Anakin was talking because now you were in Tatooine and you could sense his anguish from miles away.

“Is everything alright, y/n?” Bru asked.

Wincing at the feeling of his anger you sighed, “ It's Ani, something must be wrong I can feel his anger.” you said as you held your head in your hands

You began pacing back and forth outside. You no longer felt the intensity of his anger but sadness loomed among him and that worried you more.

“He should have been back by now, something is wrong.” you said as you began to grow irritated at the motionless sand suddenly understanding why Anakin hated it here so much.

Hate? You’d never allowed that feeling to latch onto you. Stopping yourself, you closed your eyes and did as Master Windu taught you.

Suddenly as you were almost successful at clearing your mind you felt his presence again. A disruption that would always be the exception.

Turning around you quickly found out why his emotions were so strong.

You stood behind everyone as they stood in front of Anakin's mothers grave knowing he needed space to say goodbye.

Quietly you backed away and made your way back to the ship feeling as if you were an intruder in a moment of privacy.

“Anything from our Masters R2?” you asked as you sat in the co-pilot seat.

R2 beeped excitedly to see you again and began playing a transmission from Obi-wan. Your stomach dropped when you found out your help was deeply needed.

“Why did you leave?” you heard Anakin say slightly startling you.

“ I didn't want to intrude, the moment felt rather personal for you and your family.” you said looking back at the transmission.

“You are my family pooks, I‘ll always need you.” he said, pulling you up from the seat so that he could hug you tightly, resting his head on your shoulder.

Massaging the back of his neck you knew you had to ask.

“Anakin, what happened back there when you were looking for your mom?” you said suddenly feeling him go stiff.

“ I felt your emotions, Anakin, your anger.” you said as you pulled away to look into his eyes.

Looking away from you he moved to the other side of the cockpit avoiding your gaze.

“ I found her tied up, by the time I got to her I was too late, those animals killed her.” he said anger beginning to run through his veins again.

Staying quiet he took it as a silent signal to keep going.

“So I slaughtered them like the animals they are.” he said, finally looking up at you with tears in his eyes.

“And not just the men y/n, the women and children all of them.” he said, all you could do was watch as he expressed his emotions to you.

“ I‘m not a monster y/n please do not see me that way.” he said realizing you’d had yet to say something.

“ I could never Anakin.” you whispered, slowly you walked towards him.

Taking his face in your hand you moved him to meet your eyes.

“You are not a monster, you are human and I would never hold anything against you.” you said as you looked into his eyes with a soft smile.

“ I love you.” he said, getting rid of the gap that stood between you two and kissing you deeply.

Taken back slightly you quickly leaned into him giving him the reassurance he needed.

Pulling away he leaned his head on yours and smiled down at you, “Anakin.” you said as you tried to clear your mind how you’d always practiced.

“Obi-wan,” you began but he quickly stopped you.

“Don't ruin this moment with that. I don't want to talk about any Jedi right now.” he said his anger beginning to rise again.

“But Anakin we have to, he’s sent us a distress signal and we need to transmit it to the council.” you said looking up at him.

“And why should we? It’s because of the Jedi code that I was too late here and they wont even care.” he said walking away from you.

“He is your master Ani and he needs our help.” you pleaded, hoping to convince him soon before it was too late.

Shaking his head he looked at you once more, sighing, “In all of this darkness you somehow bring me back to the light,” he said looking at you once more, “Fine.” he said as he began to transmit the signal.

Feeling relief at his change of heart you listened to your master as he instructed you on a plan to save Anakins Master.

Through all the chaos and Anakin's impulsiveness you managed to help Obi-wan escape but at the cost of a literal arm, the arm being Anakins.

Count Dooku had escaped but at the moment that was the least of your worries.

As you ran down to the other end of the temple you’d finally made it to the Med bay where Anakin was being taken care of.

Seeing him sitting up on the bed the nurse moved out of the way revealing Anakin looking at his new arm.

Sighing in relief you approached him, “how are you feeling?” you said standing at the end of the hospital bed.

Looking away from his mechanical arm he looked up at you.

Smiling he extended his hand out to you for you to take which you gladly accepted, “Better now.” he said as he pulled you into his arms.

Looking around making sure it was clear you smiled and leaned into him.

You haven't really spoken of the kiss back on Tatooine since everything had happened so quickly, not even to mention the ‘I love you’ from Anakin.

“Pooks.” he murmured softly, resting his head on top of yours.

“Yes Ani?” you said eyes closed.

“ I love you.” he said smiling, sending chills down your body.

Pulling away from him you looked up at him through your eyelashes, “ I love you too Ani but the Jedi code-” you began but he cut you off.

“You mean more to me than any Jedi code.” he said, taking your hand into his.

“It would be wrong Ani and you know it.” you said, frowning at him feeling guilt as if you’d betrayed your Masters teachings he was proud of you for.

“You're right, it would destroy us.” he sighed letting go of your hands giving you the chance to step away from him as you tried to clear your mind of the sinful thoughts.

He watched as you tried to erase him from your mind, his own hell bent on stopping you.

“But I would never let that happen, I would destroy anything in our path before I allow it to ruin us.” he said as he came close to you again taking your delicate face in his hands smiling as you melted into his touch.

“Ani.” you sighed trying to muster the strength to pull away from him.

“Say the word and I‘ll stop, for good.” he whispered as he inched closer to your lips.

Suddenly something in your mind shifted, and you didn't want him to stop. Instead of pulling away you leaned into his lips and kissed him wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he picked you up and sat you on the hospital bed.

Realizing where you were you pulled away only for him to leave kisses all along your face.

“ I will always protect us. As long as you’ll have me.” he said as he kissed your hand, sealing his promise to you.

“Always.” you said kissing his nose.

That same night you both flew off to Naboo to get married by the country lake where no one could stop you from being happy.

That night your bond grew even stronger.

[..Two years later..]

It had been a little over two years since you married Anakin and you couldn't be happier while he was gone on a mission looking for chancellor palpatine you’d found out some news and decided it was time you stepped down from the Jedi order.

You were pregnant.

There was no way for you to hide this and continue to practice within the force, so you peacefully stepped down.

Your Master was slightly disappointed but happy that you’d made a decision that followed your happiness.

When Anakin came home he was ecstatic to hear the news of you leaving the order as he never wanted you to risk your life but he was even more excited when he found out why.

Twirling you around in your apartment he smiled through tears of joy as he couldn't have been more happier.

That was until he began having those nightmares.

Lying awake at night he allowed the fear of losing you and your unborn child to consume him as you laid beside him perfectly healthy.

Suddenly he got up and hoped some meditation would ease his fears.

Feeling the coolness on his side you awoke from your sleep sensing your husband's uneasiness.

“Anakin? What is it?” you asked from the doorway.

“Nothing, I'm sorry I woke you.” he said, smiling softly as he reached for your hand.

Accepting his warm embrace you leaned on his chest and felt his heartbeat begin to calm.

“Anakin, you know I can sense when your mind is running endlessly, why lie to me?” you asked as you watched the city lights from where you stood.

Sighing, Anakin kissed your head and smiled, “you always were one step ahead of me.” he said rubbing your back.

“Anakin.” you said looking up at him not wanting him to ignore your question any longer.

Looking out to the city his smile dropped, “ I had a dream similar to my mothers, but this time it was you.” he said looking down at you.

“What happened?” you asked caressing his face wishing you could do something to wash all his worries away.

“You died in childbirth.” he said, making you slightly freeze.

“And the baby?” you asked knowing of his past dreams of his mother.

“ I don't know.” he said, taking your hand away from his face and holding it on his own.

“But I promise you I won't let anything happen to either of you, I won't allow it.” you said looking down at you.

“ I know you won't, Ani, we’ll be okay.” you whispered as you leaned back into him, eventually luring him back into bed.

Months passed by and your belly began to grow, as did Anakin's fear of losing you as his nightmares began to feel more and more real.

With the chancellor and the council breathing down his neck Anakin felt trapped in a corner and as if he was slowly losing his grip on reality.

Knowing there was a way to save you from certain death but at a great cost he felt as if he was being pulled between the light and the dark.

But if there was one thing he knew for certain, it was that he needed you.

When his suspicions of the chancellor grew he confided in you before going to the council.

Landing he walked into your shared home when suddenly he sensed Obi-wan's presence had been here.

“Ani! What are you doing here so early my love?” you asked as you kissed his cheek continuing to walk past him.

“Obi-wan was here, why?” he said ignoring your question following you closely.

“He was worried about you, he knows you felt uneasy about spying on the chancellor.” you said as you continued to organize things in your bedroom.

Watching him you could tell something was on his mind.

“Anakin, what's happened?” you asked as you stopped what you were doing

“Something feels wrong, I'm not the Jedi I should be y/n. I want more.” he said looking out the window.

“More what? Power?” you asked, you knew he had a bumpy road with the council especially since they put him on the council without the rank of master.

“The Jedi won't be able to teach me what I need to know to save you.” he said, turning to you.

“Save me? Anakin, I don't need to be saved, I'm perfectly fine.” you said confused at his need.

“Then why do these nightmares get stronger by the day? Why do these thoughts haunt me as soon as you leave my sight?” he asked, getting angrier by the second as you did not agree with him.

Grabbing his hand and bringing it to your swollen belly so he could feel your child's kicks and hopefully soothe him.

“Focus and tell me if you feel something is wrong with us.” you said as you brought his other hand to the side of your face and leaned into it closing your eyes.

Sighing he closed his eyes and focused trying to sense something, but all he could sense was a healthy heart beat and your clear mind.

“What do you see Anakin?” you asked as you massaged the hand that was touching your face.

Opening his eyes and pulling you in for a hug he kissed your shoulder, “You, and our baby perfectly fine.” he said, feeling his mind begin to clear of his vicious thoughts.

“This baby is going to change our lives soon, Anakin, for the better. And I for a change can't wait to have this baby with the man of my dreams.” you said as you leaned into his lips.

Anakin's heart erupted in flames with how much warmth you brought to it, which is why he now knew what he had to do.

Eventually Anakin returned to the temple and you stayed home worried for your husband's well being.

Meditation was useless as all it brought your mind to was Anakin with sith eyes.

Suddenly you heard Anakin's fighter land and you ran to meet him relieved to see his blue orbs looking back at you.

“Y/n my love, everythings going to be alright, there's one more thing I must do and then this will all be over.” he said as he kissed your lips passionately.

“Anakin, what's happened? I had visions and-” you began but he cut you off.

“ There will be plenty of time for this soon but don't worry my love my loyalty to the chancellor has paid off.” he said smiling at you.

Your heart sank at his words, he chose the chancellor over the Jedi.

“ I must go to Mustafar to handle some things and then this will all be over. I promised I ‘d save you y/n and I will. Always.” he said as he kissed you once more before walking away.

Watching him take off your eyes began to pool with tears as you felt your heart break, something just felt terribly wrong in the force.

After Obi-wan had come looking for Anakin you decided to go find Anakin yourself.

The chancellor announced that the war had ended so you’d be safe traveling and Obi-wan knew your child was Anakins so there was no point in hiding any longer.

Quickly you entered your ship and set travel for Mustafar.

Feeling a pain in your lower abdomen you took deep breaths and meditated the pain away before you landed.

Entering the planet's atmosphere you began to see his fighter and R2 and suddenly you sensed his presence.

Relieved you felt his presence unharmed you landed and ran off the ship as soon as you saw him just wanting to be in his arms again.

“My love, what are you doing here?” he asked, sensing your childs heartbeat making sure they were okay.

“ I was worried, Obi-wan came looking for you, he said terrible things to Anakin.” you said as tears brimmed your eyes once again.

“What did he say?” he said, frowning at the mention of his old master's name.

“He- he said you turned to the dark side, that you killed the younglings. Tell me it's not true Ani, please.” you said as tears began to run down your face.

“He's turned you against me.” he said, pulling away from you.

“What? No, no one could ever.” you said in a pleading tone hoping he’d listen to you.

“Join me, together we could rule the galaxy, this could all be ours y/n.” he said as he looked into your eyes smiling softly.

“But at what cost Ani? The Jedi have fallen, our beliefs have been destroyed and for what?” you said broken by the man who stood before you.

Looking past you Anakin's face contorted to anger, “you are with him, you brought him here to kill me.” he yelled as he used the force to push you to the side.

Suddenly you realized there was another presence here, Obi-wan.

How could you have not realized it on the ship? You had been so clouded by those terrible words he told you that you hadn't realized he snuck on the ship knowing you’d bring him to Anakin.

“No, Anakin, I didn't know he was here. I swear it.” you said standing from the ground holding your belly in your hands.

“Liar!” he said as he began to choke you with the force.

Bringing your hands to your neck you gasped for air, “No, please I love you, come back to me Ani.” you pleaded as you began to lose air and see black spots.

“Let her go Anakin, Let. Her. Go.” were the last words you’d heard before Anakin let you go, everything going black and the last thing you felt was a strong pain in your stomach, your baby.

When you woke you were in a hospital bed on a planet that didn't seem familiar.

Looking around you tried to sit up but you felt too strong of a pain in your abdomen.

Reaching down instinctively to feel your bump, it was gone.

Panicking, you looked down and saw your deflated stomach and realized your baby was gone.

“Its alright, you are okay take a second.” A robot said coming in after they sensed the rise in your heart beat.

“Where is my baby?” you yelled feeling lost and confused.

Suddenly the robot played a recording and Obi-wan appeared.

“Y/n, if you are seeing this you’ve awakened from the coma you were in.” he paused.

“Back on mustafar the stress you were under caused you to go into labor, luckily I took you in time and the med bay was able to save the children.” he said smiling softly.

“Children?” you asked confused.

“You had twins, y/n very beautiful children.” he said, a sad smile on his lips.

“Unfortunately, Anakin turned to the dark side fully and he did not survive, I ‘m sorry.” he said and suddenly it felt like there was no more air in the world.

“In order to keep the children and you safe we’ve separated all of you in places they’ll never be able to find, I promise you y/n your children will be safe with they’re new families.” he said, new families?

“Chancellor Palpatine is still alive, they will come looking for you if they find out you are alive so please keep yourself hidden,” he advised looking around the room.

“ I must go, I ‘m sorry this had to be done y/n, May the force be with you.” he said ending the video.

“How long has it been?” you asked the robot.

“You have been in a coma for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, 6 hours, and 22 minutes.” it said chromatically.

As if things couldn't get worse you’d been gone for so long on a planet you didn't recognize, without your children or Anakin.

No longer being able to control yourself you cried, the room beginning to shake around you as you began to lose control of your peace.

“You must calm down, you will destroy the-” the robot did not finish before you flicked it into the other machines, destroying them completely.

Gasping for air you got out of the bed and leaned on the wall for support.

Soon after another person finally entered the room, “ Y/n are you-” Senator Bail said as he took in the room you had just destroyed.

Turning to you he helped you stand up and brought you to a seat you had not yet destroyed.

“ I‘m sorry senator, my emotions got the best of me.” you said sniffling as you tried to hold back your anger before killing someone.

“It’s alright I am sorry I didn't get here sooner, I should have delivered the message myself.” he said apologetically.

“Is it true? Is Anakin really gone?” you asked your voice barely above a whisper.

Looking away from you and bowing his head he replied, “yes, I‘m sorry Obi-wan tried his best to bring him back but he was too far gone.” he said disappointed in the outcome of that night.

“And my children? He didn't say where they were sent.” you asked quietly hoping he’d know.

“The boy Obi-wan took, I know not where,” he started off slowly.

“And my other child?” you asked.

“She, is here we adopted her.” he said quietly hoping he wouldn't regret his decision to tell you the truth.

“What are their names, senator?” you asked as tears brimmed your eyes at the thought of the time you missed with your children.

“Obi-wan went into your mind while you slept and in there you spoke to him, you told him both you and Anakin decided on Luke and Leia.” he smiled at you softly.

Wiping your tears away you smiled at his words.

“Let’s get you into another room, and a change of clothes.” he said as he helped you stand up.

As he helped you walk out of that room and into another one you walked towards the balcony where you could see miles and miles of land.

Suddenly you saw the senator's wife playing with a child, you may have been weak but the force was quite strong when you saw her.

Taking a deep breath in you froze when the child turned towards you, “Is that?” you asked not to look away for a second.

“Yes, she's three and a half and very spontaneous, very much like her father.” he said watching her with a warm smile.

Noticing the bond they had grown with her you realized that as much as you wanted her to be, Leia was no longer yours.

“Thank you.” you said quietly.

“What for?” he hesitantly asked, still scared you’d want to take Leia.

“For taking her, Obi-wan was right, they’ll be safe far away from me.” you paused finally looking away from Leia.

“She will be safe I promise that.” he said, relieved you accepted Leia to be theirs.

“Has Obi-wan contacted you since the separation?” you asked if you'd wished you could speak to him about Luke and find out what is of him.

“Unfortunately no, there is one more thing I must speak to you about.” he said, motioning for you to take a seat once more.

Hesitantly you obeyed and took a seat, “The jedi were and are still being hunted down,” he said, reminding you of that night.

“Most jedi died that night with order 66 but the ones that managed to escape have gone into hiding. I hope Obi-wan is one of them but there is no way for us to know.” he said, shaking his head.

“But I stepped away from the Jedi before the attack, why would they be after me?” you said confused.

“They won't. According to the records of the Jedi, you died that night as well as the children.” he said looking back at his wife and child.

“And how did you all manage to prove it?” you asked confused of what the future held for you now.

“The queen of Naboo held a funeral for you, your tombstone was made as evidence if someone were to ask where you were.” he said observing your facial reactions.

Suddenly you realize Palpatine had not been mentioned.

“And what of Palpatine?” you asked hoping his fate had been the same as Anakins for dragging him down with him.

“Lord sidious?” he asked in which you nodded in agreement.

“He succeeded in creating the first ever galactic empire and brought the sith back into power alongside his new apprentice, Darth Vader.” he said and suddenly you felt a strong pain to your head as if you’d been stabbed.

Grasping your head you yelped in pain, a weird sensation you’d only ever felt once before.

“What's wrong?” he asked, kneeling in front of you.

“Nothing it’s alright I just I‘ve heard that name before somewhere.” you said, still holding your head.

You had never been this sensitive to the force before it felt like it was scouring your mind foe knowledge that wasn't yet there.

Soon it began to soothe but still the sensation remained in the back of your mind trying to remember when you’d felt it before.

“ I‘m alright senator, I ‘m alright.” you said as you sat up straight in your seat.

Looking back at Leia you realized being here could put her in danger if Palpatine was strong enough to sense you.

“ I must leave.” you said quietly.

“But you are not quite healed, you need rest.” he said, worried that you’d moved too quickly.

“ I will be alright Senator, I want to keep Leia safe. It's best if I leave until I can fully shut out the force and leave no trail.” you said nodding convincing yourself it was the right choice.

“Where will you go?” He asked if he knew how much it hurt to be so close yet so far away from having your child he could only imagine the strength it took to make that decision.

“I'm not sure, as far as I can from the chancellor.” you said reassuringly.

“Maybe look for Ahsoka,” he said, smiling softly.

Taken back by the name you hid your smile, “Ahsoka lives?” you asked.

“ I expect so, the ship she was on crashed on a moon but neither her body nor Rex were recovered, it is my hope that they escaped the order.” he said hopefully.

“Anakin had always trained her to survive all possible situations he would have been very proud of her.” you smiled thinking of all the times he came home smiling at her accomplishments of the day.

“Maybe if you’d like, you could start there.” he said, bringing out a box.

“We found this on your ship and we thought you’d want to keep it.” he said, opening the box revealing your light sabers.

Smiling at them you picked them both up and smiled at your tools once used to keep peace.

“Thank you senator, for everything.” you said finally being able to feel peace once more.

“If there is anything I could help with, you can always come back here. This is your home as much as it is Leias.” he said, beginning to stand.

“For now a ship will do.” you smiled standing after you felt your strength being regained.

“As you wish I will have it arranged within the hour.” he said, nodding his head before walking out, leaving you to your thoughts.

Looking back at Leia you wiped your tears away and smiled, this was the right thing to do.

Soon enough the ship was ready and packed with enough goods to last you a while, hopefully by then you’d have settled somewhere.

Walking to your ship you were stopped by a guard, “My apologies general the senator.” he said as he nodded behind you.

Looking behind you, you realized Senator Bail was walking towards you, with Leia in his arms.

Your heart began to race as they got closer, her features becoming more clearer by the second.

“ I thought you should meet her before you left.” he said as he was finally close enough.

Tears beginning to build up in your eyes you smiled softly at her, “M-may I ?” you said holding your arms out.

“Of course.” he said as he handed Leia to you.

Holding her you smiled as you took in her features, her chubby cheeks, her long eyelashes and those beautiful eyes as she smiled at you.

“Hello little one, aren't you a gift.” you whispered, earning a smile from her.

Your heart leaped as she reached up and took your face in her hands, she was young but her mind touch was strong with the force.

Much like Anakins, it’d be a touch you’d never forget.

Smiling, you looked at the Senator realizing it was time.

“Thank you for this.” you said as you let go of Leia.

“Here,” he said, handing you a transmitter. Confused, you looked up at him.

“If something were to happen we want you to be informed you deserve to know.” he said, smiling and accepting the tool.

“If you are ever in need I will be there.” you said as you gave them one last look and caressed Leia's cheek.

“Goodbye Senator.” you said, smiling at them both.

“May the force be with you General.” he said as he watched you take off.

Seeing the stars once more brought peace to your mind.

After some time you came out of hyper speed and took yourself to the center of a couple planets so you decided to meditate and see if you could find Ahsoka's mind touch anywhere near.

With the ship on autopilot set to take hyperspeed soon in order to avoid trouble, you focused on your meditation and searched for Ahsoka.

if you couldn't find her here and now you’d have to leave it to rest for good.

As you began searching a ship passed by with someone who was force sensitive as well, you began focusing even more in hopes they’d be of help.

But as soon as you felt their mind touch and they felt yours you opened your eyes in horror and looked out the window to see an executor ship.

“Anakin.” you whispered but before you could interact the ship took off in hyper speed and you were gone.

Meanwhile Anakin barked orders at the men to follow the ship. His heart racing too fast for his suit to keep track of.

Had it really been you? His mind could have been playing tricks on him but he was far too strong with the force to make mistakes.

“What are you waiting for?” he yelled, pulling the trooper from his seat and into the air in a choke hold.

“Sorry sir, the ship is too far gone to track without having its identification, we lost it.” Suddenly the room fell silent as the trooper's neck snapped and everyone froze in fear.

Walking out of the room Vader barked his last orders.

“Send out the ships I want that ship found and brought to me.” he said heading to his meditation room.

#Anakin Skywalker #clone wars anakin #obi wan and anakin #anakinedit #anakin skywalker x reader #Darth Vader #Revenge of the Sith #attack of the clones #clone wars #hayden christensen

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deepbatched · 1 year

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The Last Echoes | Obi-Wan Kenobi x Fem!Reader

Part 1 of ? » next part

warnings: none, obi-wan's pov, angst, not y/n (i used she/her instead) villain!reader (sometimes, she's not a sith, more like the gray revengeful character that we all grew to love), mentions of order 66 and death a.k.a. reader (and i supposedly didn’t find any warnings lol). this takes part in the series (idk if it counts as spoilers), but i’ll give little context in flashbacks. w/c: 3.3k.

Summary: On his way to rescue little princess Leia Organa, Obi-Wan Kenobi discovers not only he is one of the last Jedi who survived from the Old Republic as he tried to survive the Inquisitors, but the only lover left alive.

"I'd rather not to fight", her hair strings glowed, framing her face, sweet yet intimidating. Her lightsaber off, letting her arm rest tiredly in the side of her body, allowing herself to relax for once after hours of chasing.

Obi-Wan couldn't believe he found beauty in the gold of her eyes and peace in her intoxicating voice. He almost felt himself dreaming when hearing those words, like he was imagining it all. He pursued the ideal of a peaceful morning with the war being over, welcoming a bright future of service and duty.

Unlike her, who seemed to be drawn to self-destruction and making trouble where she went along with the separatists, now through it all, she could see the differences between them easily. But not today. Today they were the same at the sight of the sunrise, they could feel each other as they really were, no masks.

She paced slowly to be in front of him, to look directly through him, and see herself in the immensity of his blue eyes, to never forget what being gazed upon tenderness was about, and seek that part of herself that wanted peace of mind. He suddenly felt himself panting again though the fight had already been over not so long ago. It was a first time of surprises, a discovery of feelings more than words.

"A Sith who doesn’t want to fight?” He inquired out of curiosity, she disconnected her eyes from him to see the sky.

Now he wished he hadn’t said anything, but found himself incapable of withdrawing his stare.

“I’m not a Sith”, she chuckled, trailing his bold decision of words while taking notice of his lips than his eyes again.

The Sith rule says that if there is an apprentice, there will always be a master, but they were both apprentices who lost their masters, alone in the wild colliding constantly one another, caught in the webs of the Force like loose strings, waiting to be entangled by the other.

★★★

The sheer glow of the capsules were barely seen by his light blue eyes. He had definitely entered the wrong room, or at least that's what he wanted to believe, a room he wished he never in his life had to see. From the cold grayish green in the walls, the dirty floors in the corridor, some boxes all around, the more time he got in there, the more his heart was pounding in anxiety. After years of thinking the Jedi were only mercilessly chased and killed by the Empire had an actually more twisted outcome.

It didn’t matter how strong minded he tried to be, peace was long gone. His palms were cold and sweaty, his walking steady and cautious, his face stern as he witnessed the worst in the long way of Jedi fossils, kept hidden as war treasures, like their existence was a mere trophy for whomever had them there.

Tala's voice was a blurry whisper in the back of his mind while searching for the serene singing echo of his lover, a song the former Jedi heard at last, like a calling melody from the Force; a bond he hadn't felt in ten years. He saw their faces in the corridor, some recognizable, some unknown, and as slowly he began to think relief was getting near, that there was no way to be found, all of his hopeful thoughts escaped his mind.

Because, there she was.

He faltered on his way to meet what was left of her, his legs moved by his own, his memoirs full of her, reminding him of what her lovely face used to look like when she was alive. Obi-Wan Kenobi didn’t know about being a lover opposed to the custom beliefs of his negotiation skills, but he knew about Compassion, and learned to love his friends and some of his enemies by equal, and that included her.

She was not his biggest rivalry, or the most revengeful, yet it pleased him to always have someone around to fight with, someone he could constantly think of outside the Council even if he had to use the "I'm planning my next move" as an excuse when he knew well that wasn't true, he could love her freely only behind closed doors in his more private thoughts and show it to her whenever he let go of her after enduring a tough fight, as he always awaited the moment of an encounter to see her again.

When the Clone Wars ended even that was gone.

He felt no guilt in falling for her, never, but he felt regretful day-dreaming with a life he couldn't have, that he couldn't give. He tried to be faithful to the Code in every aspect, and he mastered his duty, still behind his reputation and recognition, he was just a man. On the other hand, he felt the weight of not being there for her when she needed him; the Jedi Order asked high sacrifices and giving up on love to deny attachments was one of them.

Obi-Wan could imagine with immeasurable pain her cries for help, calling him in hopes of his arrival to save her from the gaits of abyss. Though that never happened.

Or maybe she fought with all her might like she knew so well, trying to stay alive a little longer, to hold on to dear life so they could fight one last time, or not fight at all, just see each other again as much as Obi-Wan awaited. With teary eyes, he looked at the unclean and tarnished glass, the reflection of his face mixed with hers, her figure black and blue, wilt and unmoving, hardly a faint reminiscence of her past self and the long gone tales about her.

He still remembered when he heard stories about her afterwards their first duel.

"Did anything bad happen at the meeting? I thought everything went exactly as expected, Master" Ahsoka asked Anakin, worried by the state of Master Kenobi.

Usually Dex's dining was a place they could go and relax after long missions like the one already passed, yet Obi-Wan sat zoned out with a frown in his face as he lightly touched his beard looking as stressed as ever; figuring out how he could almost lose after this new human-looking woman. Not able to forget her infuriated eyes, her graceful battle movements and the venomous red of her lightsaber. He could think she was atrocious; but that wasn't in his mind.

He was puzzled indeed, on her heavy pull in the Force and his own overthinking.

"Don't worry, everything went just fine. He fought with someone we've never seen and she escaped, I must say I thought she was going to win." Anakin held a grin.

Ahsoka formed an understanding look, in contrast to the General's dazzled expression.

"You know about her, Anakin?" Obi-Wan was intrigued and uneasy, desperate to understand what he had got into.

"She's a former Jedi, born in one of the moons of Iego, if she's good or evil I can't say." The young Skywalker lifted his brow mischievously, curious in the attention drawn from his Master.

"Didn't she attack General Kenobi? She must be a Sith'' concluded Ahsoka, suspicious of the woman's mysterious nature.

"I'm not sure, she helped me with some droids before attacking Obi-Wan," Anakin remembered their brief encounter, "an enemy wouldn't do that, she might be some kind of retired avenger?"

"Your Padawan is right, Anakin. Her techniques reside on the Dark Side." From the way she was holding her saber, her destructive energy and her eyes, an almost imperceptible yellow glow which couldn’t be appreciated properly by far. “Revenge is not the Jedi way”. HIs blue eyes locked with his apprentice's brown ones, reminding him what the titles must be.

"But she's not with the Separatists," Anakin replied, "I've informed the Chancellor and he assured he had never heard of her before. They’re looking out for her, whatever side she is on, she is wanted now".

"We must be careful then, these are difficult times. We mustn't fall into temptation". His tone was calm and seemed authoritative, but on the inside, worry flowed unsteady like the waters of Naboo.

Who knew the great Jedi Master Kenobi would hold such deep emotions towards a woman, that he displayed two faces to the Order he dedicated his life to. Like a hypocrite, he did not follow his own advice, and was slowly tempted by her.

Back in the present time; would it make any difference apologizing about slander behind her back to her now corpse? Undo her death? Or, lastly, make amends for all the lost time?

At first it was disdain and despite. How could she dare to try to go against the Jedi Order after being taught the ways of the Force? Such hatred could only be held by the Dark Side, shattered souls were the only ones who sought revenge, and she was one of those, representing everything he was against. However, after some encounters outside battle, it transformed into interest and appreciation…

He remembered vividly the times he saw her wandering the lowest levels of Coruscant, not with superiority or spreading hate contrary to the customs of the Sith lords, Obi-Wan felt the unextinguished light within her when she helped the people living there who didn't fear her. Unnaturally, he didn't feel disgusted; he had given himself reassurance believing she wholeheartedly wanted to do good still after all the pain she might have caused, he hoped for a small amount of salvation from her wrong doings. Maybe it wasn't too late for her.

She was a carefree spirit, so different to everything he was taught, she had no duties, no compromises, no promises to make, not rules to follow rigorously or set an example to other younglings. Free of do's and don'ts, unlike him who bear liability tattooed on his skin.

The false Freedom that was offered to her from the Dark Side seemed to quickly corrupt —if not completely, then at least,— the better parts of her being.

Eventually, it was expected from him to kill her when the first signs of their rivalry surfaced, everyone feared she would take his life away in the middle of a war where they couldn't afford to lose more Jedi's. Obi-Wan could nearly sense himself again sitting in his chair at the Temple reunited with the Council, listening to master Yoda and master Windu rambling about how daunting and threatening this new enemy was.

Regardless of the order, he did not want to get rid of her. Not when her life could be different; and even then he couldn't realize he was mirroring himself over this antagonized creature.

For his reputation he was glad, and found a certain comfort of fame, not unjustified, he was known around the galaxy as an heroic Jedi Knight, now becoming a Master. Up until now, life seemed to be for him nothing more than battle bad guys and just adventures which he liked yet, meant everything in a literal sense.

He was a strong, well-mannered, skillful and loyal member of the Jedi Council, he was known as stoic and undoubted, still he held thoughts like this, about another life, another path. Ever since Satine, he wasn't certainly the same, he thought about what ifs? instead of what's next? The Duchess opened a door he could never close on his own, eventually someone held it open, unintended of course, but who raises in him all doubts again.

He saw other’s common reality, civilian people living clueless lives, aware of the war but not fighting it; loving and caring like breathing, no vigilance or vows of no attachments, feeling completely with no fear of losing themselves in hatred and wrath; the Force was a gift he learned to accept in exchange for love.

Obi-Wan Kenobi gave everything for the Jedi way, even before Satine, it was his choice to dedicate his life to a greater good, a purpose he didn't regret fulfilling as it was the only that he knew. Although he regretted the emotional damage those feelings provoked, after meeting his hedonistic beloved, he regretted not being able to have both.

Love and peace, attachment and duty, to hold both titles with the same pride. Jedi Master and husband.

Returning his mind where it has to, looking at her one last time, eyes wide open holding pure rage in her face, legs and arms in an attack position, made him think he has lost something again, perhaps her whole being as well. The chance to be different, to renounce one of the last pieces of his past after rescuing Leia and start that long search he didn’t begun ten years ago when the Jedi Order disappeared to restart his life.

The search had ended prior to beginning.

Again, in his way it was proven there was no awaiting love for him, only infinite sadness.

He wished he knew more about her, perhaps, of her other life, the one before all the turmoil and not only the single prism of her scars. Now she was like everything after the Jedi's, an intrusive thought of his old life; the living nightmare before going to sleep.

What would he give to fight her one last time? As in the ardent past that preceded them.

Oh— he could still savor the soft viper tongue of her beloved's words, cocky remarks dripping from her lips like the sweet nectar of a flower, the taste of her sugar-coated sarcasm, even her Force signature was like a field of sassy roses with sharp thorns. To him, she had this lovable side, one that showed in the rarest moments, the essential ones indeed; when malignant forces displayed to attack him, she transformed into a caring ally.

Like one of the last times he saw her.

"Hello there." She mocked Obi-Wan's greeting, like every time they saw each other.

Obi-Wan turned around to face her, admiring once again her features, her dusky skin, thin lips and big golden eyes covered in rough black eyeliner. She ignited her red lightsaber, posturing to defend herself. Obi-Wan mimicked her, his cyan one ready to dance against hers.

“Long time since the last I saw you”, with a sincere tone, waiting for her strike, Obi-Wan wished to just talk with her like two friends that loved the other like lovers do.

“Not long enough”, she attacked first, aware of the hesitant hold of Kenobi’s lightsaber in his hand.

She could see he didn’t want to really harm her. So she settled in the mood for play, like the thousand times before when their brutal encounters had been nothing more than child’s play, a lightsaber dance that lasted as long as the battalions around them were able to.

She liked to win, and just to tease him, from time to time she left Obi-Wan battle marks, at first it was her way to put a symbol on him, so that everyone would see that she had defeated him, over time they became violent kisses that would last burning his skin in the form of scars merely for him, so he could see her headstrong love impregnated in him like poison at every glance to his naked form in the mirror.

The noise of their lightsabers striking each other was quickly lost by their companions on the field and as they moved away from the rest of the opponents, their fight diminished in intensity, barely reducing to a couple of brushes until they reached the edge of a cliff. Obi-Wan thought it was the perfect moment to promise her another fight and let her go, there were enough witnesses of her arrival and their encounter, and they were already too far from the starting point, no one would suspect he set her free.

Until…

She slipped from a rock. He took her hand and then her forearm, lifting her upper body to steady her steps and safe from the fall. He realized she was afraid of heights, and more than surprised or judgmental, he was endeared.

“For someone who jumps a lot, you seem afraid,” he pointed out mockingly at her reaction, both searching for her lightsaber on the ground.

She stayed silent as he inspected the edge of the cliff to check how mortal the fall would have been if he didn’t prevent it. He turned to see her look at the void so terrified, it didn’t produce any satisfaction or joy to see her in a state of trepidation.

“That was close,” breathlessly, she held onto Obi-Wan’s arms fearing to let go.

“Well, you could’ve just pushed me and we would be dead now,” he suggested to test a reaction out from her, her eyes lifted up to interlock with him, thinking he was out of his mind.

She didn’t think of really killing him, not now nor ever, she raised her brows surprised he would say that, but he proved already he wouldn’t do that to her. She composed her demeanor, getting far from his position, to not do something on impulse and not risk herself to slip and fall.

“Maybe I don’t want you completely dead, that would be my dead.” Her cheeks turned into flames, making her self-conscious of her own words. She was not used to being flirty in combat, she hid in aggression, though the feelings Kenobi aroused in her were foreign; she didn’t want to stop feeling them. "Because of the fall, don't get me wrong Kenobi", she justified.

Obi-Wan's reaction was just as neat as hers, a little smile appearing on his face, it was not in amusement.

He cared for her, enough to worry if she was safe wherever she was, to wonder what spending a day with her company must feel like or to talk past life threats or flirty tactics to distract one another. To share knowledge, to share feelings, to share the same space in existence.

His furrowed brow marked the start of some more teasing.

Strangely, she wasn't prepared for order 66 or its repercussions.

Because the very last time Obi-Wan saw her alive they were trying to save the other from the attack, he wanted to turn back time, to take her to Tatooine with him, to restart like she suggested too many times, to please every thought she shared through their bond about life together, but none of it was possible.

Even though he wanted to dedicate his life to her, finding her would have been his biggest obstacle. He made a promise to her, but he had a bigger vow.

Their dreams were impalpable, insane and improper from the moment of their conception, caught in the spectrum of imagination and destined to die in the back of their minds as if they were mere ideas. Crazy, never growing beyond their heads, ideas.

Although contrasting, the life of a Jedi and a Sith boiled down to the same thing, abandoning yourself to choose a life of service. Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a man who escaped from duty, and taking care of Padme and Anakin's children wasn't the exception. He was now voluntarily linked to the boy and his sister.

And her last doings, mysterious, kept with secrecy, remained unconcluded with the clash of the Order 66. So they did what they must and parted ways. Didn't matter how much it hurted them, if no one knew about what they had, they still could pretend they had nothing else to lose.

Notwithstanding the disaster, Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn't prepared to lose her too. He withdrew himself from the glass where the apparent corpse of his hedonistic beloved rested quietly, incapable of staring at it one second more, desperate to feel her. Duty wasn't over and he had to save Leia from the Inquisitors still.

Silently saying goodbye to his key piece, his last ray of fresh sunshine who's illusion served him to endure the burning suns of Tatooine, he caressed with his digits where her name was written in the keypad and stepped out of the tomb, unable to see the last wonder he had done to her. Her hidden vital signals — not traced by him blinded by his wounded emotions — and how her body became one with the Force finally disappearing in relative peace.

He set her free.

A/N: Hello there! ★ english is not my first language, so i apologize if i got anything wrong, i'll do my best to be more precise in the future. i wanted to share this before but didn't find the time to edit it and end it in a way i liked but realized it was going to be too long so i parted it in two. i hope you enjoy<3, please like, comment and reblog if you wish to.

If you want to be tagged in a next part, like this post.

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan kenobi x you #obi wan x reader #obi wan x you #obi wan kenobi x fem!reader #obi wan kenobi x afab!reader #obi wan my beloved #obi wan fanfiction #obi wan imagine #star wars #sw #star wars x reader #ewan mcgregor #ewan mcgregor x reader

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meshlasolus · 2 years

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House Of Memories (13/?)

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Padawan!reader

Warnings: bad dreams, angst, confessions?? kinda idk

Summary: You travel with Anakin and Padme to the planet of Tatooine, hoping to find Anakin's mother before something bad happens. You begin to feel more anxiety about Obi-Wan's position, wanting to leave your station to help him.

A/n: i hate this chapter, it's kind of a filler to move along the plot, anyways literally don't even read it, disregard it completely.

Words: 2k

Anakin had mediated that morning, feeling a horrible feeling about his mother, outside of the world of his dreams. It was a reality, she was going through something awful, and he needed to get to her. Anakin had insisted to Padme that she should stay on Naboo, with you as her security until he could return, but she protested, her true feelings showing through when she told him she would come with him.

That's how you came to be here, after a long flight, sitting in the home of the Lars family farm. Owen, Anakin's step sibling as it would come to be, was a very good and gentle man, you quite liked being in his and his girlfriend's presence. They led a much simpler life than you, not one you quite envied, but one you could see yourself one day settling into upon leaving the Order. You swore you never would, but seeing the galaxy in full, you began to wonder if maybe it could be a possibility, to explore, and to settle, eventually.

Cliegg, the man who had married Anakin's mother, was sitting at the head of the table, telling Anakin what had happened to the very person he had come so far for. The natives, the sand people in the desert, making homes out of the dun sea among other places on Tatooine, had capture her, held her hostage in their camps. Anakin seemed outraged, but he was of course too sensitive to take it out on the poor family who had actually been around her when it happened.

"Where are you going?" Owen asked, his head tilting up in a curious manner. You knew exactly where he was going.

"To find my mother."

"No, Ani," Padme tried to stop him, knowing it was dangerous, and that he was treading out to meet an unknown enemy. You knew he would be fine; you just hope that he didn't massacre an entire race because they kidnapped his mother. Perhaps you should go with him?

"Your mother is dead, son. Accept it," Cliegg tried his best to keep the young Skywalker from going out alone, and you didn't have the guts to tell him he shouldn't, but you were slightly concerned for him should he not find what he's looking for.

"I can feel her pain, and I will find her. I know she's alive."

With his last word, you knew you had to let him go. You understood what it was to feel the pain of someone you love and be expected to shut it out for the cause of the mission. You were trying your absolute best to hold out on hope that Obi-Wan was alright, but you couldn't shake the feeling that something was hunting him.

"Thank you for letting us into your home, you've been very gracious," you thanked them, seeing that Anakin and Padme had abruptly left the room, no other words being said.

"Of course, anyone who was connected to Shmi is welcome with us."

You stood up, nodding to the three that were left around the table before making your exit also, offering as warm smile as you left, heading out to one of the ledges that overlooked the sandy dunes. Anakin was mounting a speeder-bike, ready to ride away at a moment's notice. Of course, he wouldn't leave without an encouraging embrace from Padme, whom you suspected got over her intense argument with him over their relationship.

You crossed your legs, placing your hands over your knees. You closed your eyes and inhaled deep breaths, the way Obi-Wan had taught you to meditate. He'd taught you so well, and it was the very reason you were able to reach out to him right now, trying to find out if he was alright. You searched the far corners of the galaxy, other signatures coming in and out of your range, but none of them being familiar enough for you to hold onto. You finally reached the space that you'd found his presence lurking in last time, but it wasn't there. It wasn't even close. You kept searching, brows furrowing as the vast expanse kept blowing past around your mind. It was like his signature no longer existed on an ethereal plane. You knew it wasn't gone, because part of it was still calling out to you, from where, you had no idea, but it had to be alive and strong for him to project it that far away. Perhaps the danger was past, and now that he felt safe, he tried to find your signature again. You were trying your best, but every attempt seemed to only be getting you further away from success.

You huffed, trying to focus, and let the force guide you, rather than you use the force to guide yourself.

You felt a flicker of light, and a feeling of warmth, but it wasn't physical, it was purely in your mental state. surrounding you, making you glow from the inside. You thought that maybe you'd found him, and were about to hold tight to his signature, branching your own out to perhaps get a feeling back from him, something, anything to indicate that he was alright. You extended your presence to him like a hand pulling someone away from trouble, but as soon as you made contact with the signature, it spit you back out like the days before.

You opened your eyes, feeling you heart rate climb and your hands begin to shake. He really was in trouble. You hoped Anakin would not take too long, because you wanted nothing more than to leave this planet and go find wherever Obi-Wan was.

"Pardon me, Jedi?" you heard a soft voice beside you, and you jolted at the sudden interruption of your mind. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

It was that sweet girlfriend of Owen, her name was Beru, you think. She smiled timidly in your presence; her hands folded like she was carefully contemplating something to say.

"It's alright," you shook your head a little, hoping she didn't get the idea that you were a rude Jedi. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I hate to bother you, but we seem to be having trouble with our heater... Owen's father said that perhaps you wouldn't mind using your abilities to help us get it working."

"Of course, I'll see what I can do."

When she led you inside, she pointed to the stove burner, which had completely been turned to the highest level it could be, without a single flame protruding.

You walked up, and upon closer inspection, the connecter to the gas lighter was broken horribly. You weren't very good at fixing things like Anakin was, your mechanic abilities were rather underdeveloped, as Obi-Wan so kindly put it. Truth be told, he didn't want you to focus on the more technical things, for he believed a consular of your class would excel to assignments far greater than mending a broken stove burner... but, here you were, wishing you'd taken Anakin up on his offer to learn at least a few simple things.

"I'm not sure I could fix it for you," you told them, a little embarrassed at being a Jedi learner, standing in the kitchen of another family and looking like a complete idiot. "What is it you need heated?"

"Just this kettle," Owen showed you, holding up the large metal caldron that was hanging over the heater before it had broken.

"That's not too bad," you said, taking it from his hands and hanging it back on the hook above the stove. You closed your eyes again, hoping you hadn't exhausted your force abilities by trying to find Obi-Wan.

"What are you going to do?" Beru asked, very excitedly coming over to witness. She had never met a Jedi before today, and by now she'd had the pleasure of bringing two into their home.

"Something I had to learn to do when Anakin took all the hot water from the 'fresher," you joked, raising your hand and closing your eyes. That was technically the exact reason why you'd learned you could do this but figured it best to remain as a joke. You inhaled, focus, and exhaled, heating the inner contents of the kettle without having used any help from the heater.

They all looked on in amazement, thankful for the help they had received. You lowered your hand and shook your head a few times to snap out of it. You were definitely pushing your limits with how many needless uses of the force you were making yourself endure.

You politely excused yourself, going to the room they'd assigned for you and Padme. She was still awake, but lying down in one of the small cots, looking as sleepy as you supposed you were.

"You seem to be popular among our hosts," she said, looking up and resting her head on her elbow.

You really didn't want to talk, because you knew you would probably make no sense in your dreary state, so you just smiled, rolling your eyes playfully at her in response and then laid down in the cot across from her.

"You've been thinking about him today, haven't you?" She asked, picking up on your subtle clues but deciphering them slightly wrong. It was technically the reason you were so tired; the strength was drained from you by your overuse of the force, and what you were using it to find.

"Yes," you turned to face her, though your eyes were falling fast with every minute passed. "I think he need's my help, I don't want anything to happen to him."

"I understand. You feel greatly for him, it must cause you pain to feel what he feels," she paused, laying back down and looking at the ceiling, which was purely drab compared to what she was used to. It was simple though, and humble. "How does it work?"

"How does what work?" You kept on, knowing that the moment you fell asleep it would probably be into a nightmare about Obi-Wan.

"Your bond to him, how you can feel him when he's not even there?" She was so curious, and she held a childlike innocence in the way she asked you these things.

"I'm not really sure. It's been there since I met him, so I've never been without it. I haven't really asked him about it, either. It always just seemed so natural, I guess it never crossed my mind that there was a reason for it."

It seemed to fascinate her, how you had used this ability all your life, but didn't know much of it, and didn't realize how much of a gift it is.

"I just know it's always been a comfort to me; he's always been a comfort to me," you fell deep into the feelings you held for him, the love, and the admiration. They embraced you, and helped you feel a little at ease, though it was hard to keep that sense of calm when the next moment you were raking your mind of why these thoughts were so important. "That's why I feel that something is badly wrong. I can't lose him, Padme."

"He's your Anakin," she summed it up, finally admitting to herself, and out loud to you about her strong feelings for your fellow padawan, while addressing your love for your Jedi Master.

"He's everything."

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and-claudia · 1 year

Text

His Heir pt. 30 (Darth Maul x pregnant! reader)

Warnings: mentions of being sick

Word count: 2301

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Masterlist

After returning from Mandalore, Maul suggested that I take a couple of days off to rest before returning to work. I ended up just asking him if I could have the rest of the week off, to which he obviously agreed. I was just trying to process everything still. It was still strange to know that now, despite the fact I hadn’t considered her my sister for many years that my ties with Bo-Katan were officially severed.

Currently, I was sitting in the small office Maul had in his quarters. There were a few sheets of loose flimsy scattered across the desk with different names written on them. I was practicing in order to update the book and wanted to make sure my handwriting was perfect. I have spent so many years using my datapad that my penmanship had suffered.

“Yn?” I heard Maul call through his quarters.

His voice startled me. It had been so quiet for so long and I had been focussing so hard that I wasn’t expecting him to be home so soon. Sure enough though, when I check the chrono on the wall it was just about time for him to be home.

“I’m in your office!” I hollered back.

I could hear his footsteps approaching before he stopped outside the door.

“May I come in?”

“Of course.”

The door slid open with a small hiss and he stepped inside.

“I didn’t expect you to be in here. And not to say that you can’t be in here, but may I ask what you are doing?” He asked, peering over at my flimsy sheets.

“I am trying to make sure my handwriting looks okay before I write in the book. I want to make sure it looks perfect.” I said.

“May I look?” He asked reaching for a few of the papers.

I nodded and he grabbed a few of the pages and began to inspect them. He flipped through a few before he stopped and did a double take at one of them.

“Who is Korkie Kenobi?” He asked, squinting at the name as if he may have read it wrong.

“That is my nephew.” I said simply, waiting to gauge his reaction.

“And is it Kenobi as in…” He trailed off.

I nodded, “Yes it is Kenobi as in Obi-Wan Kenobi… neither of them has any idea about the other though. As far as Obi-Wan knew, Korkie was our nephew. Which, if you ask me, is suspicious considering he was Satine’s, Bo-Katan’s, and my nephew… we were the only three children of Satine’s and Bo-Katan’s parents so how could we all have the same nephew? One of us had to have been his mother. I knew no one in the public would believe us. Especially since Satine disappeared for a year and a half and then suddenly when she returns we have a nephew… Anyways as far as Korkie knows, his last name is Kryze.”

“Hm.” Maul said in thought.

“Korkie has nothing to do with Kenobi, I promise.” I said worrying that he may be thinking about his involvement with him.

“I have no doubt about that. I was just thinking… it’s funny in a way I suppose. A few years ago I would have been thinking about how to use this child against Kenobi, but now I feel a bit… sorry, I think, for the boy. It’s hard growing up, not knowing who you are. With the Jedi gone, there’s no way for him to meet his father. Don’t get me wrong, I loath Kenobi, but as you said this boy would have had nothing to do with him.” He was silent for a brief moment, “Do you know where Korkie is now? Is he taken care of?”

“I can only assume, I haven’t spoken to him in many years. I hope he’s doing well.” I replied truthfully.

Maul nodded, “Should you ever be in contact with him again, let him know that he has family here on Dathomir. He would be safe and protected here.” He said.

I was taken aback by his words. I had definitely seen a much softer side of Maul since I got pregnant but this was a whole new level of caring from him that I had never experienced.

I nodded, “I will. I will.”

When I returned to work I was surprised to find that the majority of the banquet to announce that we were having a boy was already mostly planned. My first task of the day was to review some of the decisions already made.

I was sitting in a meeting with Maul and Dasar who was there on the hologram in the center of the table.

“Did you really pull this poor man away from his wedding planning to help with this?” I asked Maul.

“Yn,” the man in question began, “If I’ve said it once, I swear I’ve said it a million times. This baby is the biggest event of Crimson Dawn. I am honored that Lord Maul asked me to help plan it. It also has given me a break from Totin. I love the man, obviously, I mean I’m marrying him in 4 weeks, but boy does he drive me crazy sometimes.”

I laughed at his comment. I understood the feeling.

“Well, I’m grateful for your help. I guess let's get started.” I said.

“Here it’s all been put onto this datapad.” Maul said, leaning across the table to hand it to me.

I took it and my eyes locked in on the first entry:

Guest will dress in accordance to what they think the baby is: Pink for a Girl, Blue for a boy.

I sighed and set down the device on the table. My eyebrow raised in question at Maul as I leaned back in the chair, folding my hands on top of my belly.

“I hate that. So much.” I said, still looking at Maul.

While I looked at him, he looked at Dasar and Dasar looked back at me.

“I told you she’d hate it.” Maul said to Dasar.

“Mhm. Fine, you were right.” Dasar said.

Neither of them were being rude, more so just sassy with the way that they said it.

“Do you hate the concept or just the color choices?” Maul asked, turning to me.

“Just the colors.” I began, “I love the concept. I think it’s very cute, ooh… wait! So I don’t want some big over-the-top reveal. SO, what if the reveal is just something simple? Like Maul and I can make our grand entrance and the color that we are wearing is the announcement. I’m just not wearing something baby blue or baby pink, that’s just not my vibe, and it’s definitely not Maul’s vibes.” I said with a laugh.

“I don’t know, I’d paid a lot of credits to see Maul in one of his tunics but have it be a nice pastel pink.” Dasar said as we both laughed at the mental image it gave. Maul just shook his head in amusement.

“What color would you prefer us to do? Red and black?” Dasar asked once he had stopped laughing

“No, that seems a bit too predictable from us. How about… navy and burgundy?” I asked.

“I like it.” Maul agreed.

“Yn, that… that’s literally just dark blue and dark pink.” He said dramatically.

“No…” I hesitated as I thought about it a bit more, “I mean technically you can look at it that way, I guess.”

Once the laughter died down I picked back up the datapad to review the rest of the plans. The guest list was fairly small.

“Only the leading members are physically invited, and since this is such a big deal, attendance is mandatory. The reveal itself will be broadcasted to everyone else.” Maul explained and I nodded along.

We had discussed this some already. I really didn’t want everyone being here since it would bring in so many germs and stuff. I wasn’t scared of germs per se, but being pregnant made me much more aware of them and their risks.

“What else is there to discuss?” I asked.

“Well, there’s still the Mayer of the food. I was thinking that instead of doing a full sit-down meal and everything like that, it may be better to just do hors d'oeuvre. We can have the service droids go around with trays and just do that instead of trying to prepare a full 3-course minimum meal for everyone.” Maul said.

“I think that sounds great. I do just request that we avoid anything with blue milk in it…” I said, slightly shuttering at the mention of it.

“Of course. I will make sure that happens. No blue milk.” Maul quickly agreed.

“What’s wrong with blue milk? We use it all the time here.” Dasar said.

“We use it quite frequently here as well… or we did. Yn was making a snack a few days ago and poured herself a glass of it… let's just say her snack went uneaten.” Maul said clearly trying to leave out the details and spare me the embarrassment.

“I never even noticed a smell on it. But for some reason when I took it out, it smelt so bad. It instantly made me nauseous. I think that is the sickest I have ever been. Maul was still working I had to com him to come help me.” I added.

“Was it out of date or something?” Dasar asked.

I shook my head along with Maul, “I even checked it.” Maul said.

“Let’s move on before I relive it.” I said. Just talking about it was making that nausea creep back up.

“How formal are you wanting the guest to dress?”

“Standard formal banquet attire. Just as we normally do.” I answered before turning to Maul, “I already know what you’re going to be wearing.”

He scoffed, “I am fully capable of picking out my own attire, dear.”

“I know you are. But considering this whole banquet wouldn’t be happening if it wasn’t for me I think you should wear what I want you to wear.” I shot back.

“She has a point.” Dasar said.

Maul just shook his head in amusement, “She always uses that now. Anytime she wants or needs something of me she’ll always pull the whole ‘I’m the one carrying your child’ card. She thinks that by saying that I’ll cave to whatever she wants.”

“Well, it works does it not?” I asked.

He stayed silent.

“Exactly.”

“Okay, so Dasar is going to come in a few days before the banquet to oversee the setup of everything since I am beginning to have Qi’ra take on more responsibilities to prepare for once the baby is here. And I don’t want you to have to worry about running back and forth for multiple days-”

“Appreciated.” I commented with a nod.

“So, he is going to have to know what we’re having so he can plan accordingly with the lights and for the fireworks at the end.” Maul said.

“I don’t know, can he be trusted?” I teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Miss ma’am, I do believe I was one of the first people to know you were even pregnant and I am pretty damn sure I kept that secret. So, yes, I can, in fact, be trusted.” He sassed.

“You’re right, my sincere apology… we’ll tell you. But first, just for my own curiosity. What do you think it is?” I asked.

“Hmm… stand up real quick.” He said.

“One, there is no standing quickly for me anymore. Two, why?” I asked.

“Just do it.” He said.

I let out a groan, that was only partly playful and stood.

“There, happy?”

“Turn to the side.”

I rolled my eyes but did so anyways.

“Oh, it’s definitely a girl.” He said confidently.

I sat back down and looked at him.

“How do you know that?” Maul asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair some.

“I mean look at the way she’s carrying. It’s obviously a girl. So burgundy. Fun.”

“Nope, navy blue, bud.” I corrected him.

“What?”

“It’s not a girl. It’s a boy.” Maul said.

“Really? Are you sure?” Dasar asked causing Maul and me to laugh.

“Positive.”

“Oh… wait why am I getting a little emotional?” He said, fanning his eyes.

“It’s okay we did too.”

“Awe, you two are the cutest… so any names picked out yet?”

I let out a long sigh at the question. Truth is Maul and I have spent many nights discussing names but I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted for him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to have a Mandalorian name, a Dathomirian name, a traditional Night Brothers name, or just a name in galactic basic. It was overwhelming honestly, knowing that this name would be with him all his life. I didn’t want to pick something he’d hate later on and it was just stressing me out at this point.

“We are still working on a name.” Maul said for me.

Dasar got the hint that it was a sore subject for me right away and brushed it off quickly.

“Well, there’s no rush, the right name will come to you. And you know what if it doesn’t, I am more than happy to share my name with him. Have a mini Dasar! So cute!”

“It would be something.” I agreed.

“Well I do have to get going now, wedding planning duties await. I will be there next week. Bye bye!” He said

Maul and I said our goodbyes as well before he turned off the device. I sighed as I looked across the table at him.

“Maul, we really need to figure out this name situation.”

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just-dreaming-marvel · 2 years

Text

The Bond Between Us ~ 45

THE BOND BETWEEN US MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,765ish

Summary: You are tortured and seen as a prize to those who run the Empire. Obi-Wan spends his days working and watching Luke.

Warnings: torture, unwanted touching, loss of hope

You quickly found out that Vader cared more about finding Obi-Wan than Tarkin did and that Tarkin simply enjoyed torturing you. It was clear that you were his prize. For some reason, they weren’t willing to kill you just yet but they also weren’t questioning you too bad when it came to finding Obi-Wan’s location.

The torture varied from day to day. Sometimes it was starving you or using electric spears or toxic gas to try and suffocate you. Other times it was electric whips or Darth Vader’s use of the Force. Even with your increasingly weakening state, Vader could not penetrate your mind. He would often quickly grow frustrated, choking you until you passed out and then storming out of the room.

You were ever-growing weaker, and you knew that much of it was because you had broken your bond with Obi-Wan. The bond gave you so much more strength than you ever realized until it was gone and you were dealing with the torture yourself.

During meetings with the Emperor and his council, that included Tarkin and Vader, you would be dragged out. You were tortured in front of the men, proving to them how weak the Jedi were and for simply entertainment. The Emperor was hardly ever physically in attendance, but when he was, he would join in the torture with Force lightning. Sometimes, after the meeting was over and you were basically out of it, the men would be allowed to touch you. They never were allowed to go very far, everything happening over your clothes, but it was still unwanted and would throw you back into the memories of your rape.

Proving to you that Anakin was still deep down inside of Darth Vader, he was the one who would stop the other men from going further than touching you over your clothes. You were thankful for even that little bit of kindness.

Your torture went on like this for years. Eventually, since you were refusing to give no information about anything that had to do with Obi-Wan, the Emperor ordered you to be moved to the Fortress Inquisitorius. There, there was a tomb of Jedi and other Force-sensitive beings. You were thrown in a room near the tomb to basically be forgotten about except for when some of the Inquisitors needed to have some fun.

One day, a younger Inquisitor entered your small prison. You looked up from where you lay on the ground, unimpressed.

“Get up,” the woman demanded. You didn’t move. “I said,” the Inquisitor began choking you with the Force and pulling you off the ground, “get up.”

The Inquisitor set you down on your feet and let the pressure around your neck go. You started coughing, almost falling to the ground again when the woman pinned you against the wall.

“Tell me where Kenobi is,” she demanded.

“They’ve kept me as a prisoner for nine years,” you replied, clearly exhausted, “and I have never once said anything… what makes you think you’re so special?”

“So you do know something?”

“I.. never said… that.” Breathing was hard, having no medical care done to you in the last nine years was taking its toll.

“It’s clear that you are not his weakness, like once believed to be. He would have come after you by now, to save you if you were.”

“You know… nothing… about me and Obi-Wan.”

“Oh, really?” She laughed as her hand came up to toy with the ring around your neck. “Then what is this?” You glared at her, unresponding. “If you are not enough to draw Kenobi out of hiding, I need to know what is.”

“I am afraid… you are speaking something quite impossible…”

“I am not so sure. Everyone has a weakness. And I will find Kenobi’s, whether you help me or not.”

You studied the woman in front of you, feeling something familiar about her. “Do I know you?”

She scoffed. “You’re not so powerful as everyone believes.”

“Or maybe… this is me showing my power… that this has always been the plan… me being captured and tortured… to allow others a chance…”

She growled. “I will have Kenobi and I will bring him to Vader, if it is the last thing I do.”

~~~

It had been almost nine years since Obi-Wan felt you last—since your bond was severed. Since then, Obi-Wan’s hope and ability with the Force slowly faded. He kept himself busy with work and watching over Luke, never making any friends or willingly interacting with more people than he had to. Without you connected to him, guiding him, he realized that they had really lost. The time of the Jedi was over. What kept him watching over Luke was making sure that the Empire didn’t find the boy if he became Force-sensitive. And he couldn’t handle disappointing you. Even if he believed you were to be dead.

It took years for him to recover from the pain of the bond being severed. Obi-Wan still wasn’t fully recovered. Due to the amount of pain he had felt, he was convinced that you were dead. It was the only thing that made sense to him.

His lonely nights in the cave in which he lived were the hardest. His dreams were filled with you and Anakin—mostly surrounding the fall of the Republic and the Jedi Order. Obi-Wan would often wake suddenly, calling out for you or his old Master, Qui-Gon Jinn. Before Obi-Wan had left Yoda ten years old, Yoda had told Obi-Wan that Qui-Gon had training for him and yet, nothing had happened over the span of ten years, leaving him continually disappointed.

Tonight was no different. Obi-Wan’s mind relived memory after memory, ending when you leaving him behind on Bail’s ship. He inhaled sharply and he woke suddenly. Breathing heavily, he looked around his cave, silently wishing you would just appear to comfort him. He sat up from his mat and ran his hand through his now longer hair. Glancing up at the ceiling, he called out.

“Master Qui-Gon.” He was met with silence. “Master?” Again silence. “Y/N.” He tried. “Please, little star…” Nothing.

Obi-Wan sighed, his head falling into his hands as he was at a loss of what to do.

~~~

The next day, he didn’t have to work. Obi-Wan decided that he would check on Luke. He rode his Eopie over to his usual spot close to the Lars moisture farm. Climbing onto a small ledge, he got his binoculars out and watched as Owen and Luke worked together. Eventually, Luke ran off somewhere. Owen began to worry.

“Luke?” The man called. “Luke!”

Obi-Wan began to widen his scope, trying to see if he could find Luke.

“Luke!” Owen shouted.

“Did he go back inside?” Beau asked, coming to her husband.

“He’s run off. Luke?”

Obi-Wan caught sight of Luke on the other side of the home entrance. He was on top of the dome building with goggles on, pretending he was flying a ship. Slowly, the hand Obi-Wan was using to hold up the binoculars fell to his lap. He was stuck in the past as an image of a younger Anakin doing the same thing filled it. He couldn’t help but feel saddened by the sight before him, thinking about what could have been.

Once night had fallen, Obi-Wan rode his Eopie over to the Lars’ and left a bag with a gift for Luke on the doorstep. He wanted to do what he could—what he knew you would have done. Then he snuck off and back onto his Eopie. He was riding it home when he heard rustling and could sense that someone was following him.

“Master,” a younger man stumbled out in front of him. “I thought I saw you in the town, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t think you’d survived.”

“You’re making some kind of mistake,” Obi-Wan responded, trying to make it clear that this interaction was unwanted.

“I’m sorry, my name is Nari.” Nari pulled out his lightsaber. “Um, there’s no mistake.”

“You’re looking for somebody else.”

“What are you doing here, Obi-Wan?”

“My name is Ben.”

“Come on, please. Please… you have no idea what I’ve been through.”

Looking at the young man, Obi-Wan knew Nari wouldn’t leave easily. He commanded his Eopie to lay down and Obi-Wan rushed off of him and over to Nari.

“You must leave,” Obi-Wan stated. “You’ll draw too much attention.”

“But I have nowhere to go,” Nari replied. “They’re hunting me. You have to help me.”

Obi-Wan glanced at Nari’s hands and took the lightsaber from them. “You want me help? Take this. Walk into the middle of the desert and bury it in the ground. Stay hidden. Live a normal life.” He pushed the lightsaber back into Nari’s hands and turned to leave.

“What about the people that need us? What about the fight?”

Obi-Wan turned back to Nari. “The fight is done. We lost.” He got back on his Eopie.

“What happened to you? You were once a great Jedi.”

“The time of the Jedi is over.” He commanded his Eopie to stand. “Go back to the town. Let it go.”

~~~

After another long day of work, Obi-Wan found himself walking through town to reach his Eopie so that he could head home. He had just arrived when something clattered at his feet. He looked to see it was the gift he had left for Luke. His eyes moved up to see Owen standing there.

“I want you to stay away from him,” Owen demanded. “We don’t need anything from you, Ben,”

“It’s just a toy,” Obi-Wan responded as he picked it up.

“It’s a lot more than that.”

“There’s more to life than your farm, Owen. He needs to see that. There’s a whole galaxy out there.” Obi-Wan came closer to the man.

“I’m asking you to leave us alone, Ben. I mean it.” Owen turned to leave.

“Is he okay?”

Owen turned around, clearly irritated. “You don’t care if he’s okay. You care if he’s showing.”

“He’s my responsibility, Owen.”

“I’m his uncle.”

“We talked about this. When the time comes, he must be trained?”

“Like you trained his father?” Obi-Wan fell silent. “Like how his aunt was trained?”

“Y/N is no part of this—“

“Anakin is dead, Ben, and I won’t let you make the same mistake twice. So, leave him on the farm with his family, where he belongs.” Owen walked away.

~~~

After Owen had left, Inquisitors appeared and were threatening people for knowledge of Jedi whereabouts. A female one, Reva, threatened Owen. Eventually, the Inquisitors disappeared into an alleyway. Obi-Wan quickly left town and back to his cave for safety. He was sitting outside of his cave, watching over the desert, when a device began beeping from inside the cave. Slowly, he stood up and walked over to where the noise was coming from. It was in a chest, buried down within it. The device was for emergencies, the Organa’s having the matching one.

When he finally gained the courage to answer it, Obi-Wan was quickly informed that Leia had been taken.

“We don’t know who it was,” Bail’s hologram said, his wife standing at his side. “No ransom, no leads, Whoever they are, they knew where she would be. They… they were waiting.” Bail cleared his throat, clearly getting emotional.

“She needs you, Obi-Wan,” Breha said. “We don’t know how to get ahold of Y/N and we can’t trust anyone else.”

“What about the Senate?” Obi-Wan asked.

“We cannot let this become public,” Bail replied. “It would draw too much attention.”

“Well, your guard then? Or a bounty hunter?”

“Only you and Y/N know how important she really is, Obi-Wan. If Leia is discovered—“

“I can’t leave here, Bail. My duty is to the boy—“

“What about your duty to his sister? She’s as important as he is.”

Obi-Wan sighed, trying to think through it all. “It’s been ten years. I’m not who I used to be... Find someone else. She’ll be better off.”

Obi-Wan ended the call. He went back out to looking at the desert. He stood with his feet shoulder-width apart and his hands behind his back as he often saw you and Anakin do. As he thought of you, he knew that you would have dropped everything to go and find Leia and would be yelling at him for not doing the same. But in the past ten years, Obi-Wan had changed. He was not connected to the Force like he used to be and was not strong enough. Besides, with the Inquisitors on Tatooine, he could not leave Luke.

~~~

After work the next day, Obi-Wan saw that Nari had been killed and hung as a show in the town. He felt bad for not helping Nari but knew it would have only cost him more. Upon arriving to his cave, the droid Obi-Wan had hidden under the sand to sense intruders to his cave glowed red. Obi-Wan was immediately on alert. He carefully entered the cave to see someone in a cloak looking out over the desert.

“She’s headed for Daiyu,” Bail stated, pulling down his hood and turning to face Obi-Wan.

“You should not have come,” Obi-Wan said.

“They hid their signature behind a freight transport. The ship is on its way there now.”

“I can’t.”

“She’s my daughter, Obi-Wan.”

“I told you… I’m not the man you remember.”

“Well, you’re going to have to be!”

“I can’t leave the boy.”

“This isn’t about the boy, and you know it! You’ve made mistakes. We all did. It’s the past. Move on. Be done with it. You couldn’t save Anakin… but you can save her.”

“And what if I can’t?”

“There is no one I trust more with my child than you and Y/N… Please, old friend. For her… One last fight.”

Obi-Wan looked away. “Y/N is dead.”

“What? How did you—“

“I felt it… nine years ago… that is why you cannot find her. She’s gone.”

“Obi-Wan… her death is not your fault. She left to protect the children and she did her part. Do not let her death be in vain.”

~~~

Bail had left before Obi-Wan climbed onto his Eopie and headed into the desert. He did so with a speed he had never before. When he reached where he wanted to, his Eopie laid down and Obi-Wan pulled out a small shovel. He knelt down and began digging. It took him a few minutes to reach the wooden box that he was looking for. He pulled it out of the hole and set it down.

Opening it, Obi-Wan looked at the canvas cloth and pulled it open. His own lightsaber stared back at him along with Anakin’s and yours. His hand reached up and held the ring dangling from his neck as if to ask you if he should go through with this. Though a part of him didn’t want to, he knew he should. He took his lightsaber out and placed it on his hip, where it used to constantly reside. He was about to close the box and rebury it when he felt something in the Force telling him to grab yours as well. With furrowed brows, Obi-Wan took your lightsaber by the hand and slowly attached it to his other hip.

Obi-Wan buried the box before heading back into town. He bought himself a ticket off the planet but stopped before he reached the ship. Looking conflicted, he twirled the ticket between his fingers.

“Well?” A woman called from a few feet ahead, noticing his conflict. “You coming or not?”

Taking a few more seconds, Obi-Wan gained the courage to walk up to the woman and turn his ticket in. With a deep breath, Obi-Wan walked forward to the ship.

~~~

Something had shifted in the Force, you could feel it. Even in your weakened state. You were close to giving in, to letting yourself be one with the Force and be free of the pain of torture. But now something was telling you to fight, to stay alive just a little bit longer. That it would all be over soon.

next chapter >

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murdockussy · 2 years

Note

Im neck deep in Sith!Obi so maybe some of that? Xreader…Putting reader in her place 🥹

Writing this has me in a deep Sith! Obi-Wan hole that I never want to leave. I love this request and I hope you enjoy it!!

(Head to my masterlist to read more about requests :))

Nothing Like You

Warnings: Fighting, choking, death references, sad Obi but he's hot when he's angry

Words: 4,700 ish

There was only one way to describe you felt – cold. Though not like the chill you’d feel as a cool breeze blew against your skin, or the icy metal of your lightsaber handle after being untouched for hours on end. No, this was different. This was the kind of cold that created an echoing tremble beneath your bones, that caused your mouth to run dry as you continued on your journey. The constant chill that ran through your spine stemmed from no relation to weather, but a place of unease – of fear.

Years before now – back when you were only approaching your trials for becoming a Jedi Master - there had been rumors sparked about a troubled Padawan and his loyal Master. It was believed that the Padawan - Anakin Skywalker - had been clouded by a darkened influence, his beliefs contorting down an immoral path Jedi swore to never go down. It was said that his Master - Obi-Wan Kenobi - had tracked the boy down to put an end to his disorder, thought what was to follow remained a mystery to all.

Some believe that Kenobi never made it – that Skywalker was too well hidden for him to find. Many suspect that the Master is still seeking out his Padawan. Others till this day often debate over the idea of Kenobi succeeding, only to cut his life short afterwards from guilt. Either way, the Jedi Order and the Republic remained stable, people still enduring their peaceful lives within the temple.

However, all began to change when a handful of your fellow Council members began to disappear one by one, not a word spoken or a trace left behind, which led you to where you were today.

It had been close to three days since you left the temple, yourself as well as other Jedi recruited individually to seek out the missing personnel. Given the little information you had on the issue, you all jumped to action with no guidance or direction, your only navigation being your gut feeling and the Force.

For the first two days, you’d flown from planet to planet in hopes to communicate with any available resources, any allies of the Jedi, to gather information, only to be let down by almost everyone's unfamiliarity with the situation. With no lead, you jetted out to deeper space, little hope to be found until you felt something – a sudden yet powerful disturbance within the Force – you instantly following the path it was leading you across.

The pull led you to an unknown planet, your ships navigations reading the terrene as completely vacant, and the closer you flew towards it, the more a feeling of restlessness began to expand inside you, growing wider in mass as you drew closer.

Dipping into what looked like a lifeless valley, the grounds beneath you were paved with red lava, the rivers of it a glowing blur as you skimmed just above the surface, you taking in the vast charcoal mountains surrounding you as you continued to peruse the draw of the Force. Your commute came to a stop as you reached a dead end, your pull taking a final tug as you landed your spacecraft atop of a flat cliff.

Switching off the engines, you shook the overwhelming feeling of nerves as you tugged your robe over your shoulders and grasped onto the handle of your saber, the weight of it resting in your palms bringing you a slither of comfort.

Stepping out onto the land, you couldn’t help but be somewhat appreciative of the sight before you – a volcano like mountain standing tall, you unable to see anything above it besides the dim smokey skies, trickles of raging lava cascading down the sides bringing light to the inky structure. At the base of the abundance was a hollow opening, a cave engulfed by darkness.

Igniting your saber, you held the weapon in front of you, your blade illuminating the walls of the cavity as you hesitantly entered, the sight of your ship growing faint behind you.

The further you trekked, the worse your emotions grew, your anxiety peaking as you walked, the sounds of your boots crushing rubble beneath you mixing with trickles of water in the distance echoing around you, your eyes constantly averting from left to right. Something definitely was off about this place, and you were certain that whatever it was would not be good news.

Your tour felt never ending, the sights around you remaining the same as you walked, and at one point you considered the possibility that you’d somehow got yourself caught in a hallucinative loop. That changed, however, when the acoustics around you grew quieter, you spotting a door like structure carved into the stone ahead. You approached it with caution, you switching the angle of your lightsaber to take in the mysterious carvings on the surface of the entrance, it portraying symbols that were unknown to you.

Before you had the chance of attempting to decode the message, the wall slid backwards, you jumping at the sudden movement, pulling your weapon close to your body as you changed your stance, preparing to attack. Met with nothing but silence, you relaxed slightly, your stance still defensive as you proceeded towards the door, your fingers pressing against the crack in the surface, the rock swinging open.

Stepping beyond the door, you were met with what seemed to be a second cave, the circular room larger in width than in length, the space illuminated by the dangling torches hanging from the wall's surfaces.

Passing beyond the doorway, your head tilted to take in the multiple hallways stemming from the room, you were oblivious to the closing of the door behind you, the thud of the frame closing causing you to spin with an audible gasp. Your back to the room, you frantically darted your eyes around the doorway, confused by the lack of presence you anticipated to be there – though something lingered in the air that caused you to feel nervous, a certain darkness that added to your weighty unease.

As you attempted to spin yourself back around to explore the cave, a sudden pressure snaked itself around the entirety of your body, a tightness on your neck causing the air around to become difficult to inhale. Your body grew limp, blood running cold as your feet disconnected with the stone floor beneath you, fear prickling across your skin as you levitated. Instantly you recognized the power being used against you – the Force – though not the kind you’d harvested for the entirety of your life. Whoever your new opponent was, they were completely surrounded by darkness.

Using all you might, you fought for air as you attempted in every way possible to break free from the Force hold, your body remaining stiff as you gradually were dragged slowly through the air away from the door, the movements coming to a pause once you were center of the room.

Your hand began to unwillingly loosen on your weapon, the blade of your saber lowering back into its handle before being pulled forcefully from your hand, a soft clap of the metal meeting with fabric sounding from behind you. Your eyes began to water, your mind feeling light as you continued to fight for air, your voice strained as you pushed out a soft plea, “...Put me... down”

The pressure surrounding you suddenly dissipated, your heightened body falling to the floor, you landing on your side before lifting yourself into a kneeling position, your hands resting on your chest as you remained doubled over gasping for air.

Your fuzzy brain regained its focus, your vision clearer from the oxygen flowing into your lungs once again, you only just taking notice of the shadowed figure in the corner of your eye. Raising your body into a standing position, you turned to face the person before you, the silhouette of a body seated on top of a colossal charcoal throne, their face shielded by the hood of their black robe, one of their legs bent resting on the seat in front of them while the other placed itself onto the floor, their foot tapping on the stone surface of the ground.

Your stomach dropped at the sight. You could feel the rage, the darkened power radiation off them as they sat smugly, spread out on their throne, you coming to a swift understanding of why you’d been feeling so anxious – the answer was seated directly in front of you.

Out of instinct, your palm opened as you attempted to drag your weapon back to you, only to be met by a strong resistance, you spotting the gloved hand of the person gripping the hilt of your saber, you switching to a less abrasive plan of action – you'd have to talk your way out of this.

“Who are you?”

You were met with a response of deep laughter, your patience beginning to wear thin as you took a step closer to the hooded figure.

“I asked you a question, show yourself!” you called, the echo of your choice swimming between the walls of the room.

The figure slowly adjusted their position, both their legs now touching the ground beneath them as their posture turned upright, their free hand steadily inching its way to their hood before pulling, the fabric of their disguise falling behind their head revealing their face.

Your eyes widened as you absorbed features of the man. His hair long, loose pieces falling against his forehead. On his left cheek, a permanent scar, a single line of deep reds and purples dripping from his cheekbone through to the edges of his lips. Though what stood out most of all was his gleaming eyes, the rings of his orbs a vibrant yellow hugged by a red horizon, a chill running down your spine as you caught them staring directly into yours.

He watched as you stalled, fear striking you. It had been so many years since you’d heard of a Sith, let alone encountered one.

“You’re afraid” The voice taunted, his eyes never leaving yours, “by my understandings, that isn’t very Jedi like, now is it?”

You dismissed his words as you attempted to restrain your emotions, not wanting him to read your sentiments any further. For a second time, you attempted to lure your weapon back to you side, your trial resisted against once again, his strength even stronger this time.

“If you wish for your weapon, all you have to do is ask” he smugly joked.

“What do you want from me?” you asked, your voice sturdy, you beginning to move closer to the throne the man sat atop of, mentally creating a plan of action.

“What makes you think I wanted you? You are the one who came to me, after all”

“The Force led me here, though I see now that it wasn’t the Force. It was just you, wasn’t it?”

“Smart little thing you are. However, still so foolish to fall into my trap, just like those before you”

Alarms began to ring in your mind at his words, you starting to connect to missing puzzle pieces.

“This is something you do often, falsely lure people in?”

“Not just people - Jedi. Though only the weakest of them seem to fall for it”

Suddenly it clicked, the disappearances of the Council members now making sense. They we’re bought here under false pretenses, just as you had been. But now one question remained – where were they?

“Whatever trap you think you have me in, I will not fall for it”

“Don’t be so naive. You know within your pathetic, hopeful little heart that you’re already trapped. But you should be proud, so far you’ve survived longer than the rest did”

“Where are they?”

“They’re gone” he said, raising his hand above him with an open palm, the sounds of rattling metal appearing from one of the hallway exits beside you, “Returned to whatever pathetic afterlife they believe in”

You caught the movement from the corner of your eye, your attention turning towards it. Your stomach dropped as you caught sight of the levitating pile of weapons, memorable lightsaber hilts piled together, some destroyed, burnt and broken, others completely intact – they belonged to your fellow council members, and you realised in that moment that they truly were gone.

“Don’t be so sorrowful. Their deaths we’re quick, practically painless – some of them, anyway” he scoffed, a small smile pulling at his lips as he gawked over the stack of weapons.

You took the small chance you had while the Sith was distracted to take back your saber, the resistance no longer there as you pulled it towards you through the Force, the metal flying through the air before landing in your palm, a wave of ease flowing through your veins as you gripped it with all your might, igniting the flaming blade.

Too late to stop your movements, the man threw the sabers back into the room they appeared from, the crashing sounds of them colliding with the floor causing you to jump, his face devious as his attention diverted back to you, his posture tightening.

“Smart move. A courageous thing you are, such a shame for you to go to waste”

“You won’t kill me” you spat, your legs spreading as you adjusted your stance, preparing for any form of attack.

“You weren’t exactly who I wished to have here in the first place, don’t be so egotistic”

The man stood, his frame appearing larger than yours as he stepped away from his throne, his direction aiming towards you. You side stepped, your legs slowly carrying you in the opposite direction of the man, him following pursuit, the two of you circling around one another from a distance.

“I’m not the one here with an ego issue”

A laugh erupted from the man, his prefect teeth flashing you a smile you’d believe to be genuine, friendly even. In the moment, you took a small slither of appreciation for the man's looks, his handsomeness shining through his dishonorable demeanor.

“You remind me of myself. I used to be as likeminded as you are, brave, daring, lig-”

“I am nothing like you. We are not the same”

His arm extended in front of him, gloved palm rotating to face you, your body stopping in its tracks. A sudden tight grip wrapped itself around you, squeezing you together from the neck down, a pressure on your throat lightly tightening, but you we’re still able to breathe unlike the last time.

“Do not interrupt me!” the man howled, his arm reached out as he stormed towards you, your heart beginning to rapidly beat.

He came to a pause a few feet away from you, his Force hold remaining strong as he stepped to the side, him now circling around you figure as his eyes raked your body up and down, watching as you attempted to fight against his grip.

“Your eagerness is intriguing. If I kill you now, your power goes to waste... but I can’t exactly let you walk out of here free, can I?”

“Let go of me” you responded, ignoring his question.

His body slowly passed your front, his eyes starting at your feet before working their way up to your face, you losing sight of him again as he worked his way behind you.

“I can give you a choice, a change of freedom” he said, you falling silent, him taking that as a que to continue.

“Either I kill you now” he spoke as he stepped forward, his voice appearing now directly behind you, his breath fanning over your ear sending chills down your spine, you lips parting in shock. “Or... you join me” he cooed into your other ear.

“No!” you spat, your head twisting to the side to face him, a smirk forming as he watched you struggle harder against his hold.

“Show a little appreciation, young one, you’re the first that’s even gotten the chance to make it out of here alive”

“I would rather die than to become a Sith, to become someone like you!”

To your complete shock, his hold around you faltered at your words, his smirk quivering. You took his bizarre reaction to your advantage, you continuing to throw insults his way.

“To be your apprentice would be worse than death itself. You are no leader I would live for!”

His features turned sour, yet his hold grew loose, you ongoing with your words.

“To have you as a Master would be a dishonor!”

A small whispered “No” escaped through his tight frown, his scorching eyes clouded with painful thoughts as he watched you. You took your chance at his distraction, your closed fist opening slightly as you used all your strength to knock the man beside you with the Force, his body stumbling backwards as the hold you were trapped in completely disappeared.

Without a second thought, you charged at the man, your ignited saber swinging towards him, him reflexing away at the last moment as your blade swooshed beside him.

With a twirl, he pulled his own weapon from his hip just in time for your second attack, his blade shooting forward, the flaming sword colliding with yours, the block just centimeters away from his face.

Your eyes widened at the blazing colors before you, you stumbling away from the man in pure shock. He stood, chest heaving as he watched you with fury, yet you couldn’t seem to care for the moment, you completely in a trance as you stared at his sword, mind moving at a rapid pace.

What was once blue now flickered with streams of red flowing from the base to the tip of the blade, the swirling colors dancing around one another, almost as if the red was a growing infection within the weapon.

Your mind flew back to the many conversations you’d had about a well-respected Jedi, one who was kind, yet skillful. Determined and hopeful, who’s vibrant blue saber was unforgettable on any battlefield. Who succeeded in his ways of becoming a General, coming forth to the Council just as you had. Who cared for his people so deeply, enough to lay his life on the line to stop his beloved Padawan – someone he considered to be a brother - from choosing a life of darkness. The realisation dawned on you, the mystery so many before you had yet to solve now standing before you.

The colorful blade of his weapon cascaded back into its hilt, his wide stance pulling together as he relaxed, him taking a step towards you.

“Ahhh, and there it is. You know”

“You... You’re Obi-Wan Kenobi”

Taking another step forward, he spoke again, “That name is just a ghost of my past, now I am only what remains”

Confusion aside, you couldn’t help but let the anger bubble deep inside you, your words pouring from your mouth before you had the chance to stop.

“They praise you, speak so highly of your dedication to the Order! Everyone holding you on some sort of... pedestal, but they are wrong! You’re no role model, you’re nothing like how they make you out to be!”

“You know what they say; never meet your hero's”

His smugness fueled your emotions, you holding your saber in front of you, the tip of it pointing towards his chest as you continued.

“How could a Jedi as honorable as Obi-Wan Kenobi turn into such a disillusion? You we’re atop of your game, you were a General, a member of the Council, you-”

“The Jedi Council were mindless! And they remain to be that way!”

“The Council aren’t the cause for this, you are!”

The shout of your words caused something within the Sith to snap once more, his smug tone turning cold as he pushed you backwards through the Force, your saber remaining ignited as it catapulted towards him, his own switching on to blaze with light, him holding both weapons in his hands.

“They made me the way I am!” Kenobi spat, you stumbling backwards as he chillingly creeped towards you, his voice rising as he continued, “They’re deceitful, selfish!”

“You hold so much anger towards them, enough to murder them with cold blood. There’s a cause” you stated, slowly pacing yourself away, you cautious to not push his buttons too far as you spoke, “Could it be guilt? A small part of you still regretful for turning against your own?”

“I don’t feel any remorse for your kind, their lies and dishonesties we’re the cause of their deadly fate, it was just a matter of time before they met it”

The glow in his eyes intensified with the colorful reflection of both sabers in his hand, his darkness seeping through now more than ever as he stalked you down like prey, you maintaining your distance as you both circled around the room.

“Someone as generous as the legendary Obi-Wan would not act in such vile ways over just lies-”

“They’re untrustworthy! They speak of the Sith in such negative manors, withholding from teaching the strength we hold, forcing those who feel it to reject it! They fear our power, the fact we’re stronger than any Jedi!”

“Yet you we’re one of them, one of the best members the Council ever had”

“The Kenobi they speak of is dead! Your people rejected the boy, rejected the truth that was stood directly in front of them! Their delusions and self-indulgence have consequences that we’re far overdue till now!”

His shouts ricocheted off the cave walls, your eyes squinting slightly from the pain that formed inside your ears. He was furious, chest rising and falling at a quickened pace has he grew closer to you. You knew you were now within dangerous waters, you getting somewhat of a breakthrough at his confession, his emotions pouring through the cracks he never meant to open, yet you went ahead with your questioning, working with a lack of plan as you continued.

“The boy...” you spoke calmly, his head tilting lower as he listened to your words, “They rejected him, your Padawan – Anakin Skywalker?”

“Don’t speak his name!”

Pain was evident in his voice, his angered gaze softening for just a moment, and suddenly it all made sense – his turn on the Jedi Order, on the Council, why he was killing the people of his past one by one.

“What you’re doing isn’t for your own sake, this is all for him. They rejected him, and now you’re seeking revenge, aren’t you?!”

Your breath was knocked from your lungs at the sudden drag of your body, your back colliding with the floor as you toppled over. Your arms were pulled from your sides, a nonexistent presence holding them out extended beside you, pinning you to the cool floor, you unable to lift yourself up. Fear slid its way through your bloodstream as the man marched towards you, him stepping over your body, his frame taller than ever as he stood with his boots on either side of your torso, the blades of the lightsabers now crossed dangerously close to your neck.

“You think you’re so wise, don’t you, little one? Attempting to use my past against me, to lower my guard?”

His body shifted, his legs lowering, knees moving one by one to rest on the floor beside you, his back arching slightly down as he now kneeled hovering above your stomach, his body dominating yours as he lowered the weapon just inches from your skin, the heat of the overlapped blades causing your neck to grow uncomfortably warm.

“You’re more naive than I thought. You believe your words can hurt me? I killed my Padawan, watched as the life drained from his body, and guess what, I'm going to do the same to you”

Your body drew cold with terror as your pulse began to catch in your throat, you fighting with what power you had to press your neck away from the blades.

“Oh, you’re scared? You should be”

“Don’t... don’t do this”

The man scoffed, his face lowering as close to yours as it could be without the sabers making contact with his chest, your stomaching beginning to churn with something different, something non fear related.

“Do you really think I'd let you walk out of here and return to your Jedi scum ways? You know your options, so choose”

Sudden images casted across your mind, a vision of yourself beside the man on the throne. You looked different, barely recognizable to who you were today. Your clothes were darker, more fitted, less layered and simpler. Your hair was longer, cascading across your chest, free from its usual pushed back look the Council made you wear. Your eyes were glowing, warm colors identical to the man sat beside you.

Yet of all the differences, one thing struck you the most – your smile. It was genuine, the brightest you’d seen it after so many years. It stretched out across your pink flushed cheeks as your head tilted to look at the Sith below you, his face turning to meet yours, your joyous features spreading onto his face. You we’re happy, truly happy – something you hadn’t been in a long time.

Your attention was drawn back to the present at the sound of the weapons being switched off, the humming coming to an end as the man pulled the handles away from your neck, him reattaching them to his hips as his face remained unreadable, the angered expression gone.

“You’re-”

“No!” you interrupted, your voice stern as you spat, “You can’t trick me, lure me into the darkness with false predictions!”

“I didn’t do that”

“You expect me to believe you, out of all people, you?! I won’t give in to your lies, get out of my head!”

His body swiftly shifted, his hands falling besides your head as he remained kneeling above your torso, the anger from his eyes pouring into yours as he glared at you, his breath hot across your face as he spoke.

“If I was in your head, you’d know. But I saw them too. That was not me, young one, that was the Force”

You remained silent, your breathing unsteady as you pondered. As much as you wanted to deny it, you knew within yourself that the Sith was right, that he wasn’t the cause of the image projections in your mind. Yet you refused to accept it, option for silence over a reply to his words.

“Refuse all you want, but you know the truth” he spoke, his body shifting as he raised a palm from the floor, it smoothly drawing closer to your face until it made contact with your skin, his gloved fingers delicately tracing from the edge of your temple to the base of your jaw.

“Your whit and courage can be put to so much more use. In the Council you have to fight to remain equal, but here, you won’t have too. Isn’t that what you want?”

The eye contact you maintained with the man wavered, you looking below his face before his fingers pinched your chin bringing your gaze to meet his once more. Your face was now mere centimeters from his, an electricity in your lips forming at the close distance between his and yours, his voice falling deceivingly sweet as he cooed.

“By my side, you can be happy, just like you were in the vision. There’s a darkness within you. It’s there whether you wish to accept the facts or not. Allow it to overtake you, bask in its power. Join me, let me help you... We can be free, together”

There was a beat of silence once the whispered words fell from his mouth, the two of you unmoving as you allowed his offer to sink within your skin, your answer becoming clear, him catching a glimpse your decision through the brisk twinkle in your eye. Sucking in a sharp breath, his head dipped, his lips barely grazing yours, him waiting for you to lock in your fate, and without a second thought, you did, a powerful yet blissful wave of darkness dancing down your spine as your lips made contact with his.

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan kenobi x you #obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi fanfic #anakin skywalker #sith obi wan #dark obi wan #requested #ewan mcgregor

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book-place · 2 years

Text

No More Running

Part 2 -> Join Me

Warnings: obi wan episode 3 spoilers, mentions of Order 66, mention of character death, let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Obi-Wan x reader platonic, Anakin Skywalker x sister reader

Request: obi wan kenobi w a gn teen padawan reader who he thought was killed in order 66, but then they reunite and it’s just really fluffy and cute maybe you could make them a skywalker somehow ?? if you can’t work it don’t worry about that, love your stories btw!

(I hope this is what you were looking for! If not I’m sorry and just lmk and I’ll try to fix it!!)

Request by: @thekaibabes

*not my gif*

Summary: Afrer Order 66, Obi-Wan never thought that he would see people from his past. From his time as a Jedi Knight

A/N: This is short and really bad- I’m exhausted but I felt like I needed to write something

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

Tala briefly glanced over her shoulder, carefully looking to make sure nobody had spotted the man and young girl come in, before jamming the button for the door shut, letting out a small breath of relief as she did so.

She turned around to see Ben and Leia looking from side to side curiously, and she couldn’t help the small and sad smile that made its way onto her face.

The two reminded her of all the others that had passed through before them, the ones that were exactly the same as the older man. Hesitant, and refusing to let hope shine through. Hope that he could actually have a chance.

She observed the way he kept a close eye on the young girl, as if she were his own, but Tala knew better. She knew that though the man clearly cared deeply for her, he was no father of hers.

But the look in his eyes also told her that he had experience being almost like a father before. And under different circumstances Tala would have asked him about it out of pure curiosity, but they were in pressing times and the longer they waited, the more endangered the two would become.

Shaking the thoughts, she snapped herself out of her daze as she strode forward and over to where the hidden lever was to lead them into the equally as hidden room.

Right before going in she hesitated, remembering a small detail as she turned back to the eagerly awaiting duo.

“There is one more thing, though.” She saw the way Ben’s features became guarded once more and the way his hand subconsciously reached for Leia's shoulder, before quickly continuing, “There’s another Jedi on the other side of this door.”

Ben stiffened and dropped his hand as the young girl's eyes just became wide with a mixture of excitement and amazement, “You mean there’s another one?” Her voice held such awe that Tala almost chuckled.

She hummed in return, “Yes, and if you don’t mind, she will be joining you to the ship and then going her separate way afterwards.”

When Ben didn’t respond, Leia rolled her eyes slightly and elbowed him in the stomach, crossing her arms and began talking for him, “That’s totally fine! I’ve always wanted to meet a girl Jedi anyway!”

This caused Tala to smile slightly before pushing the door open, revealing a small yet useful looking room.

The lady stepped in first, followed by the young girl, and then Obi-Wan, and the first thing his eyes landed on was you.

You had grown up since the last time he had seen you. You had become taller, and more mature looking. Your hair was slightly longer with a different cut, and your eyes held a wiseness that had never been there before.

“Y/n.” He breathed out in shock, coming to a halt in his tracks as his eyes widened in disbelief and mouth parted slightly.

You, looking equally as startled, started right back, “Obi-Wan.” Your voice shook a bit as you looked at the man you once knew as if he were a total stranger.

When you were young, you and your brother had been taken from your home planet on Tatooine in hopes of a better life with the Jedi.

It was very rare for there to be younglings with bonds before the Jedi, let alone an older brother and a little sister. Anakin and Y/n Skywalker.

The two of you were known for years throughout the galaxy as the most unstoppable Jedi duo to ever live, that was when you were allowed to actually work together. Wherever the two of you went, chaos ensued, but you always did get the job done. Eventually.

With Anakin being older than you, he was able to become a padawan learner far before you, but you soon enough joined- at a young age nonetheless- and became Obi-Wan Kenobi’s second student.

You and your brother were seen as lab rats to the Jedi council, the two siblings with a connection, one that they had always considered dangerous. But if the two of you were able to handle it, then just maybe they would explore the idea more of force-sensitive siblings.

But it did not go well. And you two were not able to handle it. The future ended up proving that.

When Order 66 happened, you had been sent on your first mission away from your master, with a small group of five trained clones and you six had been tasked to map out a new planet.

You had barely managed to escape with your life when they turned on you, and when you tried to contact the Jedi temple, you had heard the news of it happening everywhere to everybody.

Your mind had automatically gone to the worst place when your master and brother didn’t answer any of your comms, and you knew that they were gone.

Though you had been raised your entire life hearing that Jedi weren’t supposed to form attachments, in that moment you didn’t care. You had broken down and grieved.

From that moment on, a darkness slowly crept through your being, swallowing you whole in the most painful way possible, taking its sweet time and allowing you to suffer for as long as possible.

The next ten years of your life were spent on the run, jumping from planet to planet, never staying in the same place for any longer than three rotations in fear of getting caught.

You didn’t know what else you could have done. The only thing that you felt that you had known how to do all those years ago was run. And that’s what you did. You ran and ran and ran and ran. Never once slowing long enough to come to a full stop.

You felt all the words escape your mouth as your throat went dry at the sight of your old master.

Instead, without even thinking, you sprinted forward as fast as you could and leapt into his arms, refusing to let the small sob escape from between your lips.

“You’re alive.” You heard him whisper in utter shock. “I thought after everything-“ He broke off, choking on his own tears.

He didn’t need to finish his sentence for you to know what he was saying as you nodded against his shoulder, sniffing slightly, “Me too.” You whispered.

Tala and Leia had been kind enough to give the two of you a moment alone, instead moving wordlessly across the room and sitting down to observe some random scrolls laying around.

You finally pulled away, studying him as he did the same to you, “How did you-“ You both said in sync, cutting off with small chuckles.

“We have a lot to talk about.” You finally said, to which he nodded his head in agreement.

“But not right now,” He said, glancing over at Leia, “Right now we need to get out of here.”

As he watched you turn curiously to the young girl, he couldn’t help it when his breath caught in the back of his throat.

While Leia slightly resembled her mother, her other features complemented those of her father. And those of yours.

You now looked so similar to how Anakin had before Order 66, that Obi-Wan couldn’t help but let tears once again fill his eyes.

The guilt that he had spent years trying to push down began bubbling back up in his stomach again as he looked over at you.

He had killed your brother and you didn’t even know.

You on the other hand, for the first time in ten years finally felt that darkness that had been eating away inside of you slowly melt away. As if the curtains had been opened and light began to stream in.

You were finally back with someone you thought was long dead, someone you knew cared about you just as much as you cared about him.

For the first time in a long time you were beginning to feel okay again. Now you knew there would be no more running.

Star Wars Taglist: @spidyyparker @fabulousapple

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marierg · 8 months

Text

Of Light and Darkness: The Rising Darkness Pt.3

Pairing: Obi Wan Kenobi X Reader

WARNINGS!: IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DO NOT READ THIS ONE!!!!! ANGST! Death, Rage, self doubt, betrayal, portrayals of a psychotic episode! NOT LIGHT READING!!! Also Jango being a lil bit of a tease at the end, stolen kiss but not much more. (@pickleprickle come get yo juice)

A/N: Ok my friends so if you know this story then you know what part we're at. Yes I'm putting Anakin's part on Tattoine in here because it is important, but also I felt that the movie didn't really do enough for that part. I ADORE Hayden and his portrayal, so much body and facial expression to cover the things not said! And yes I also wanted to do just a bit more with Jango because we don't get much of him here to reflect all the lore that comes later. This splits back and forth a lot so I apologize now.

PS- as always if Italic that means telepathic communication.

Picture Credit: Lucasfilm, Pinterest, and Gifs from Tumblr

Song Credit: I won't back down by: Tom Petty (Link)

Words: 6400 ish.... Thick with 2 C's

Masterlist Next

Anakin stood on the balcony overlooking the lake. Listening to the waives crash on the rocks, the birds that flew over head, even the current below the surface of the water seeking the calm of nature. Padme was moving towards him, but even her presence could not quell the pit in his stomach. Horrible visions haunted his mind of his mother sobbing, bloodied and in pain... begging for help that would not come. He knew what must be done, in so doing he would be abandoning both Padme and the mandates of the Order.

But for his mother it was the only thing to do.

Padme's mind and heart were in conflict, they always were where Anakin was concerned. Staring out at him she observed the man and again tried to deny that he had found a place within her heart. Padme's mind constantly clamored against this feeling over and over, begging her to come to reason. Yet when Ani smiled or laughed or even laid the lightest of touches on her... all protest flew out the window. She had hoped that after dinner last night that both of them could move forward as friends, yet even as he stood there she felt that all too familiar pull and who could fight the stars.

Anakin could smell Padme's floral perfume on the air, hear the scrape of her slippers against the marble with every step she took toward him. He knew that he had to be professional, especially after their discussion. She had made clear that the two of them could not be together, that what he longed for was impossible. Anakin had taken his shot, he had been honest and now he knew how she felt. What his Master had failed to tell him was what to do afterward.

“Don't go...” It was a soft request, pain underlying his need for her presence. Anakin opened his eyes to take in the beautiful sunrise... made all the more so by the woman who would forever hold his affections even if it was unrequited.

“I didn't want to disturb you.” Padme was preparing to walk away, but couldn't leave him now.

“Your presence is soothing.”

“You had another nightmare” She sighed as Anakin began to bristle, “I heard you yelling, would you like to talk about it?”

Why did he trust her so readily even though she had shredded his heart not hours before? Anakin sighed in resignation, telling Padme of his awful vision. “She's in pain... I have to help her.”

Padme folded her hands in contemplation. There was no doubt that Anakin had already made a decision, she simply needed to allow him to voice it. Nodding to show she was listening he continued.

“I know that I am disobeying my mandate to protect you Senator...”

Padme winced a little at the use of her title, but reflected that she had set that precedent.

“... and that I will be punished and likely thrown out of the Order. But she's my mother.” Anakin finally raised his eyes to the angel of the stars. She wasn't like the other women he knew, no sarcastic eyebrow or disapproval to mar her beauty, simply serene. “I'm sorry Padme truly, but I must go.”

Padme moved forward taking Anakin's hand. “Ani I told you that I wouldn't let you throwaway your future because of me. I will go with you so that you will not be breaking your mandate.”

“What about Master Obi Wan and Master Y/n?”

Padme squeezed his hand, “I guess we won't tell them will we.”

_____________

“Stargazer to Harbor... Stargazer to Harbor... Come in Harbor?”

Mace acknowledged the transmission, a small holo projection of you and Kenobi appearing before the gathered Jedi Council members. “We read you stargazer, report?”

“Masters we have tracked the Bounty Hunter Jango Fett to the planet Geonosis. More disturbing is that there is a large gathering of Starships from the Trade Federation.” Obi Wan was glancing from port to starboard on the craft.

You piped in while your fellow knight navigated, “Yeah and gave us a good run for our money too.”

“Are you both alright?” Mace could feel the tension rising in his chest. It would never matter how old his apprentice became, you would always be under his protection.

“A few shots across the bow, but Obi Wan got us through.”

Obi Wan tuned, “Masters I fear that our investigation has become all the more complicated. With your permission we would like route out the connection the Trade Federation has to Fett and the clones of Kamino.”

He hated the exhausted edge that laced the voices of both knights. Looking to his colleagues he felt concern and perhaps even a touch of fear. The Republic that had been hard fought and won over a millennia ago was upon the brink disaster. Mace would rather call you both back and regroup, he would rather send out a group of the Council themselves to finish this investigation. At the end of the day though he was the head of the Council and must do what was necessary, his personal feelings be damned. “Proceed with caution, may the Force be with you.”

________________

“She's been gone a month... There's little hope that she's lasted this long.”

The words rang in Anakin's ears as he practically flew the borrowed speeder past breaking point. He'd gotten a lead on the Tusken raiders and the closer he got the more he could feel his mother in the Force. “I'm coming mom, just hold on.”

He would rescue her.

He would not leave her behind again.

_______________

The winding catacombs and tall spires allowed every small noise to echo without fail. Every footstep, every swish of a cloak seemed like the clanging of pans in a library. Your nerves were strung tight, hands reflexively holding your saber hilt. As the two of you wound deeper and deeper into the structure you saw more than enough evidence of why the Trade Federation was here. Line upon assembly line of droids filled the lower levels. Up ahead voices reverberated in the corridor, Obi Boy pulled you back to the safety of the shadows. “Obi what are they saying I can't hear it?”

“It would appear that Nute Gunray and whoever is contracting with the Geonosians is the one who put out the contract on our friend the Senator.” Obi Wan glanced down at the scaring around your right ear, yet another mission souvenir along with the associated hearing loss normally you were able to compensate, the fact that you weren't went to show your level of exhaustion. “I think we'd best go up top.”

“Did you see who?”

“Not yet, but I could hear them.”

Obi Wan could feel the blood lust radiating from Nute Gunray as he spoke about where he would like best to display Senator Amidala's head in his office. As the two Knights crept to an overhanging ledge the conversation became clearer. Representatives of the Banking Clan and Techno Union were sat at a large table and at the head sat none other than Master Dooku. While Obi Wan was shocked he could feel disgust and anger from you, pebbles were clattering from the ripples you sent through the Force, “Wee one we need to remain calm. Focus.”

“That karking traitor!”

Dooku watched with mild amusement as the various beings at the table squabbled and bantered, all pawns on his game board. Long ago he learned that a bit of theater and patience make the negotiation. Dooku also knew that most of the beings gathered here did so for the benefit of their own pockets and not some true disillusionment with the government. Behind him Fett was standing alert if not somewhat perturbed, a deep sigh passing the vocorder of his helmet. Waiving a hand Dooku cut into the bickering, “AS I said earlier gentlemen, I am convinced that 10,000 more systems will rally to our cause with your support.”

“We need to report in.”

Obi Wan raised a finger, begging you be patient, “Not yet, there's more to be heard I believe, we will be patient.”

“Not my strong suit.”

“...The Banking Clan will sign your treaty.”

Dooku smiled, nodding a show of appreciation. “When the battle droids of our friends with the Trade Federation are combined with yours we shall have an army greater than any in the galaxy. The Jedi will be overwhelmed.”

As the meeting came to a close Dooku turned to the hunter behind him. “I believe some acquaintances of yours have arrived. Please see our new guests to more... suitable accommodations.”

“I doubt that they'll accept your hospitality.”

He smiled at the man's dry humor. Fett was good, very good in fact, with more than a few Jedi kills under his belt in addition to his lengthy reputation. These two knights were quite the wily pair, but he had little doubt that the hunter could handle the task. The information that he had brought back alone was worth observing the two further. All was playing out as he had foreseen and soon the trap would be baited, “Wait until they have transmitted their report to Coruscant then bring them to me, alive please.”

Fett tilted his helmet, annoyance rippled around him. He was an intelligent being though and knew better than to disobey. After all, Fett would never want his precious son to come to harm. Turning on his heel the hunter paused before stalking into the catacombs.

“As you wish.”

________________

Anakin moved through the hole into the Tusken shelter and his heart stopped beating. His mother hung limply from the poles that had been used to secure her for the night. Bruising, lacerations... far too many injuries to count as he angrily tore at the bindings, she was still alive though. Carefully he lowered her frail, pained body to the ground.

Anakin wanted to cry, choking on his words, “Mom... Mom it's me.”

“Ani?” Shmi tried to blink, as if searching in the dead of space for something familiar. Her trembling hand finally landing on a warm cheek, smile spreading as her son pressed his own hand to hers. “Ani is it you?”

He longed to crush her to him, but Anakin could feel the pain radiating from her. He could barely breath from being so overwhelmed, lips trembling as he pressed a tender kiss to her palm. “I'm here mom, I'm here. Everything will be alright now.”

“My son... my grown up son.” Wistful smile tugging weakly at her lips, how Shmi wished this had happened differently. Oh but he had grown up so well, the Jedi had done as promised and taken such good care of him.

“Hold on a little longer mom,” Anakin shifted to begin standing but froze as his mother gasped in pain, “Please... please mom, just stay with me.”

“So handsome...My boy is grown, now I am complete.”

Anakin could feel the flickering in her signature, like a candle caught in a storm. No no no, he had to save her! What good was being a Jedi if he couldn't save his mother. He tried to calm himself, readying again to get up and take his mom away from this place. “Just stay with me a little longer mom, I'm going to make you well again. Padme's here, we'll take you to Naboo, it's so beautiful mom. I'll call Master y/n and she'll make everything better.”

“Ah, my son... I'm so... proud of you...tell me more,” Shmi knew she was dying, but at last she felt peace. She knew her passing would pain her son greatly, but maybe she could distract him for just a bit and slip away quietly.

Anakin cursed that he couldn't simply heal his mother like his Master could. Why hadn't he pushed himself harder to learn, why hadn't you?! Why did his Masters hold him back?! He wanted to scream, to rage but his mom needed him, he had to give her something to fight for. “It's so beautiful mom, green and full of lakes and streams. There's so many things I want to show you... we can all go mom.”

“Ani... I love... I love... you.” Shmi Skywalker slipped away peacefully in her son's arms, the wisp of a lake and Anakin's smile her final vision of comfort.

“Mom don't go, please.... please....” He felt the minute that her signature rejoined the greater Force itself. Like a genie in a bottle that could not be put back, Anakin clutched the mortal remains of his mother to him.

Cold despair washed over Anakin and into his heart. He had failed her... he had failed his mother, the one who had brought him into the world and protected him for nine long years. How often had she gone without to provide for him, shielded him. All that he ever knew of love was from this one woman and he had let her slip right through his fingers. How could she be gone? How could the galaxy allow her to die?

Then the cold was replaced by something so seductively warm and comforting. It's treacherous feeling taking the place of the emptiness that filled him. It whispered falsehood disguised as words of solace, at least he felt something in the gaping bleeding hole in his chest. No, it wasn't his fault. Anakin had done his best, it was the Tuskens that had killed his mother. The Tuskins had captured her, beaten her, starved and worked her to death.

They were animals

They weren't even humanoid

They were mindless monsters like his step father had said

AND HE WOULD MAKE THEM PAY FOR WHAT THEY HAD DONE!

Anakin placed his mother's body down on the floor gently, removing his cloak to cover her. He may not have been able to save her, but he could avenge her memory and see that these beasts harmed no one else. Rising with his fury to keep him warm, Anakin clutched at the handle of his saber. He felt the Force surge through him and it felt so good in the midst of his despair. He no longer felt powerless, he felt in control. Walking out of the hut he sliced down the guards quickly without a flinch. Hearing the other warriors coming to fight Anakin welcomed it.

Today... today his mother would have justice for all of her suffering.

In the words of his dear friend, for the ones he loved he would to do terrible things.

And just as Glitch had also said, he would never forgive himself.

____________

You were trying to keep up with Obi Wan as he ran ahead of you. This intel needed to get back to the Council and the Senate quickly to avert disaster, damn your short legs. As the two of you approached the starfighter a scream was ripped from your chest, crumpling your body to the ground.

“Y/N!” Obi Wan turned on a pin sprinting back to your collapsed convulsing form. He held you to his chest to try to muffle your cries of agony, reaching for you through your bond. “Y/n, what is it wee one? Talk to me please?”

Obi Boy's voice sounded distant even in your mind, his normally soothing presence could not ease this jagged pain in your heart. Nor could it silence the voice crying out from beyond the grave. You must be going mad, finally snapped from too much stress and stims. But there was no denying who that voice belonged to....

“Y/n what is it?” Obi Wan took a sharp inhale as your eyes flew wild and wide, panicked breaths finally starting to slow. He tried to brush the tears forming at the corners of your eyes. “Y/n it's alright, I have you.”

“P-p-pain... Anakin...He's in pain.”

“Y/n you need to breath with me, calm yourself. We'll go to him straight away, but first I need you with me.” He saw as your pained face nodded, breathing starting to even. You were scared and that frightened him knowing it took a lot to shake you. But he also knew you well enough to redirect your racing thoughts, “We know that the transmitter won't get out of the canyon, can you climb with the booster to that cliff ledge so I can relay?”

“I can do that. Yeah, I can climb.” Scrambling up you could still feel the recoil and pain in the Force, but Obi Boy was right. As badly as you wanted to get in the fighter and get to your Padawan there were more pressing matters at hand. The needs of the many verses the needs of the few and in the end you knew your obligation was to the greater number. It was the simple and terrible math of triage, there were always more whom needed your help. Sweet merciful Maker forgive you... Anakin forgive you... but it had to be done. Checking the horizon you steadied the booster.

“R-4 relay this message to Coruscant, top priority and continue relay until acknowledged,” Obi Wan watched as you gave the thumbs up. R-4 however still was unable to boost the signal enough due to the damage. “Try to reach Anakin on Naboo...What do you mean he's not there?”

On the ledge above, you could only partly make out what was being shouted at the poor little astromech, but then you heard the word Tattoine clearly enough. “Obi what's happened?”

“The boy has decided to go for a joy ride it would appear... we'll deal with this later.” Instructing the droid to start Obi Wan began his message, “Anakin if you can hear me re transmit this message to the Council....”

_______________

Mace had been uneasy since Yoda had come out of seclusion, stating that one of their fallen had somehow reached out through the Force and that Skywalker was in anguish. He could feel a shift, something turning in the lines of fate... a shaterpoint was about to be crossed. The garbled transition from Kenobi gave no clue to your fate but he could only assume that you were taken prisoner alongside your fellow Jedi. Already there were members of the Order rallying and ready to leave, along with some old friends.

Listening to the Senate finally approve the use of the clone army, however suspect their origins, Mace turned to his Senior Council member. “It is done but the army will need time to assemble. I will take what knights we have here and lead the mission to Geonosis.”

“To Kamino will I go, bring this new army to meet you I will. Trust in our knights, trust in the Force. proof of these troops metal, we shall see.” Yoda studied the eyes of the man before him, stormy and hard as a mountain in winter. While many found Master Windu to be hard and unyielding, few realized the reason for it. It was not that he did not care... no, it was that he cared deeply. Always standing tall between the Order and what storms may come, but even a mountain would weep if it's larks were no longer there to sing their songs. “Master Windu save our captured knights, we will.”

Mace clenched his jaw, knowing that the future was uncertain for all. Nodding and with a sweep of his cloak he made his way down to the speeder where two old friends waited. On a mission like this the Jedi could use all the help they could get. Turning to the old pilot and the pink haired hell fighter, Mace took a steadying breath and prayed the Force that you still breathed.

“We're going to get them back."

______________

“They'll never make it in time, they have to come halfway across the galaxy. We're only a parsec away...”

“If they're still alive,” Anakin sat heavily in the co pilot's chair, folding his arms if only to hold himself together. First his mother now his Masters, what did the universe wish of him? Would it not be happy till every one of the people he cared for was dead. In that moment Anakin was glad that Padme did not love him, maybe she would be spared.

“Ani are you just going to sit there and let them die? They're your Masters, your mentors...”

“They're my family!” Anakin's anger snapped. He closed his eyes trying to find a level of calm like the two of you had taught him. If Master Obi Wan were here he would remind Anakin that the Senator's safety was his primary mission and you would want both he and Padme to be safe. If his Masters were here they would both tell him that the mission came first, as much as he wanted to fly there and save you both. “But you heard Master Windu. He gave us strict orders to stay put.”

“He gave you orders to protect me and I'm going to save Obi Wan and Y/n.” She started flipping toggles and switches, set in her decision. “So if you plan to protect me, you'll just have to tag along.”

Anakin couldn't help the relief that washed over him, nor the smile of admiration. Padme always found a way, no matter the odds his Angel always found a way. Turning in his seat he began the launch sequence, “Yes Ma'am”

“That's more like it.” Padme tilted her head to check that C-3PO and R2 were safely aboard. It was good to hear Ani sounding like himself and not the despaired broken person of a few hours before. At least it was a sign that he may yet recover from the death of his mother, even if the actions he had confessed to would haunt him. Padme knew Anakin must have fought his way in and out of that camp, collateral damage was bound to happen. Because that was what it must have been...

it had to be.

________________

The electric currents shot painfully through your body again as your captors questions remained unanswered. You had been able to escape initial capture, but were caught by the Geonosians after trying to retrieve Obi Wan.

You would both pay for the error.

Admittedly the odds were not in your favor, you managed to disable a majority with a gas explosion, sliced the wings off many others. In the end though you had been taken kicking, biting, cursing, and screaming and placed in the interrogators beam.

Master, no Count Dooku was standing before you calmly asking again why you and Obi Wan were there. The tone was the same that he had used when students disappointed him in training. But this was not the same Master whom had tutored you, no this was a different man and no longer a Jedi. Gritting your teeth you started to mumble the words to a song that was a favorite of Master Melri, one that all to well fit the situation.

“Well, I won't back down

no, I won't back down

you can stand me up at the gates of hell

but I wont back down”

“Y/n this can all be over if you would only tell me the reason for your presence here.” Dooku could hear the off key singing, noting the lyrics as your reply. Interrogation rarely resulted in the desired information and it wasted time. Not that he wanted nor needed to perform this exercise, least of all with Obi Wan. His Grand Padawan may yet be of use to his plans and harming him would be counter productive. You on the other hand were a complication and a wild card in his deck. Waiving a hand the current turned off, the only sounds filling the small space was your ragged breathing.

“We both know that you won't let me walk out of here.” Glaring at the dark figure in your peripheral vision you heard the Count hum in agreement. The only hope that you and Obi Wan had was if your wayward apprentice received the distress call. Your own temper was flaring from all that had been brought to the light. Dooku's betrayal to the Jedi, the assassination plot, war...

You spat at the viper's feet, “Nutricula seditiosorum omnium.”

“I see you still favor the old tomes in the archives,” Dooku considered something for a moment, something he had not weighed before. Troublesome though you were quite clever, nor was there anyone else with a keener insight to the workings of the Jedi Council. If he managed to acquire one Knight the other would follow, two for the price of one. Coming to stand alongside your suspended body he removed a handkerchief to blot at your cut lip. Your sharp gaze never left his, challenging and dare he say angered. He had almost forgotten that you were of mixed lineage, the temper of the former being legendary... How very interesting. “Tell me did you ever study the old scrolls regarding Darth Malgus? Always two, no more or less... How many Sith were destroyed that day on Naboo?”

You turned away focusing on a spot on the wall, ignoring whatever game this seditionist wanted to play.

“I see in your eyes that you know the truth, that the other Sith remains.” The girls gaze shifted back to him. She had been there, had seen his predecessor. “What if I told you I am on the trail of the Sith who escaped? That even now this Darth Sidious is exerting his power to weaken the Republic one senator and system at a time.”

“You're lying.”

Dooku hummed, “You and I both know that I am not. Your intellect would be invaluable. You, Obi Wan and I, together we could finally bring this monster to justice for what he did to Qui Gon and the Republic.”

“The Council would have sensed this danger if it was so close,” Anger and denial raged in your veins, but somewhere in the back of your mind the words took hold. Like a challenge it dared you to follow, to seek, to investigate. Looking at the Count, at the smug upturn of his lips you shook the thought away. “Obi Wan would never join you and neither will I.”

“Even if it meant that you could finally have what you've always wanted? To keep that which you so covetously guard?” Dooku watched your face drain of color. While you were very good at hiding your thoughts and feelings, Obi Wan was not. It hadn't taken much including the information that Fett had provided to come to a conclusion. These two had a bond that would not easily break and perhaps that was their undoing. “To no longer fear losing the one that you loved?”

“I cannot fear that which I cannot lose,” Leveling a harsh look at the man you narrowed your eyes, "Love is of the soul. A soul cannot be destroyed, only these mortal vessels.”

Clever girl, much like her Masters before, “But what of now? Have you not longed for a family, a normal life with the one you cherish? Don't you deserve a reward after all you have done and sacrificed? After all that you have already lost?”

Yes you had dreamed such a thing, still did on your worst days. A small cottage somewhere peaceful with not a worry more than your patients and perhaps a small garden for your Obi Boy to tend to. To fall asleep to the sounds of the wind and sea or the trees and small creatures that would surround your home. But in a way you already had your family, you and Obi Boy and Anakin. You three were happy in your own little way and that was more than you could have asked for. No, the Devil himself would not turn you today. “Amabo eum in vita vel morti...”

“Then there's really nothing more I can do for you my dear. Such a pity,”

“Why not just kill me now,” you challenged.

“Would that I had the ability to grant such mercy, but I'm afraid our friends in the Trade Federation have taken quite the interest and our hosts have prepared something in their honor.” Dooku turned just as he made the doorway. “The Haako family patriarch in particular, the one whose namesake you killed.”

The door closed behind him, the sound deafening and final. You couldn't help the tears that fell as the old memories of the fight for Naboo dug into your heart, still you kept singing. If it was the last thing in this galaxy that you did it would be to wipe the smug look from that man's face. Besides, you had long known one simple truth... Death was such an old acquaintance that he would come for you last.

And only after all of your loved ones had been taken from you.

“No, I'll stand my ground

won't be turned around

and I keep this world from draggin' me down,

gonna stand my ground

And I won't back down.”

Jango Fett considered himself a fair man. When he was hired for a job he did the job, he never enjoyed the killing though. Some hunters got into the business for their own blood lust, Bosk was like that, but Jango enjoyed the challenge a hunt brought. The cat and mouse, the strategy, the soreness after a good fight, never the killing. He had a code that he followed, loose as it was, including that his targets did not suffer needlessly.

The Count, as his boss preferred to be called, had asked him to transfer the female Jetii to the holding cell where her counterpart was. That Tyranus had tortured the woman for the sick joy of it, well that didn't set well with him. She was a strong little thing though, hadn't given the man the pleasure of her tears nor given into his tactics. Something far worse had done greater harm to her in the past because she hadn't crumbled, simply sang her little song in defiance. For that the Jeti'ika impressed him all the more.

Entering the room he bound your wrists and began escorting you through the winding catacombs of the lower levels. “Don't try anything funny Jetii.”

“My name is Y/n if you'll recall,” You moved with a bit of a limp given the rough capture. Glancing at that shiny bucket you remembered the terror in the Changling's eyes. This was the Hunter that was so feared, but beneath that helmet was a man and not a monster. You may be resigned to your fate, but as a Jedi it was your duty to protect and to hope. There was yet one innocent here that could be saved and perhaps another soul that could yet turn back to the light. As tired as you were, as cynical as you felt, you had to try. “You should take your son away from this place.”

Jango tilted his head, “And why is that Y/n?”

“I know your boss. Master Dooku will only let you live as long as you're useful, then who will protect Boba?” He had called you by your name, it was something at least. You kept an even tone as you continued, “He was my teacher once long ago, but matters little to him. Friends, family, loyalty none of that matters, nothing can stop what he has planed. Once he has a goal Master Dooku does everything to achieve that end... He doesn't like loose ends.”

“And I don't like tricks little girl,” Jango roughly pulled his prisoner into small hallway alcove, pressing her into the rough stone. He watched your face for the usual disappointing displays; the big eyes and tears, begging, bargaining, seduction. All he saw though was bone deep weariness and a jaded smirk of one who could see their own end. He couldn't place why this bothered him, but for some reason Jango didn't want to see the fight leave you. He also knew what the Bugs had in store for the two knights and if he hated anything it was a rigged fight. Still the question remained what was the woman playing at?

“I'm not trying to trick you Jango. Frankly if there wasn't a child involved...” Stars and the Force help you to get through the man's thick skull. You leaned back more firmly into the stone as he lifted his helmet to look you in the eye. The man had done bad things made bad bargains, but Boba was just a kid. “Your son deserves to keep his Dad.”

His gaze narrowed at you, eyes cold. “Why would you give a kark about my boy?”

Closing your eyes on a heavy sigh you told the truth, “Because I know what it is to lose a parent and I'd spare any child that same pain. Please just take him and fly far away from here, live a happy life and grow old. If you stay here you will not see him become a man... and that would be a shame.”

You were being sincere, even past the exhaustion and pain that tainted the rest of your body language Jango could see it. You didn't beg for your life nor were you trying to escape. He again weighed his course of action just as he had earlier, the decision falling even more firmly into place now. Pulling his helmet down Jango crouched, lifted you onto his shoulder, and started walking down the corridor again. He knew this wasn't a smart idea, but it was the fair one. “Don't struggle.”

You startled when the hunter lifted you, but that was replaced with the bitter taste of failure. Why even try anymore, every time you tried to help it blew up in your face so why even try! The whirlwind of your mind was going so fast that when Jango placed you to sit on a high surface it took a full minute to realize that you were in a room of some type. Your eyebrow raised as he locked the door, “What are you...”

“Quiet.” His tone was sharper than intended and he watched as you flinched. Jango needed to get this done before sense returned to him. Removing two ration balls from his belt he pulled the front of your tunic aside and tucked one into a pocket, the other he held up to your mouth. “Eat, you'll need your strength.”

Unsure of his intentions you shook your head, making the hunter's temper flare. He grabbed your face holding open your mouth and forced you to take the food. It tasted like the rations that you were issued from the Temple, but there was no way to be certain. You held the food in your mouth, wanting to spit it out.

“Don't be stupid, swallow it.” Jango was not about to waste much time on this, he'd plug your nose if he had too, but you did as he said. Lifting a water pouch to your lips he growled in his throat before you could refuse to drink. Satisfied that was done he patted your thigh, “Good girl, now leg up.”

“Why?”

“Stubborn thing,” He raised your cuffed hands overhead to canter your body. Pulling the injector out, he showed you the label, then jammed it into your leg. Chucking it aside he tried to soothe the spot of the injection, stroking his thumb back and forth on the muscle. Jango shook his head again at the stupidity of doing this. Knowing that he and Boba would be on the run from both the Republic and Tyranus after his actions were discovered. Perhaps this one good deed would tip the scales in his favor when judgment came, perhaps it was just wishful thinking. “That should take care of the worst of it.”

He had released your hands to find something else in his belt, the Bacta had begun working through your body as well. You felt his anger and regret as tears of gratitude leaked down your face. Jango didn't have to do this, he owed you nothing, but he had been kind. Bringing your bound hands down you traced the Beskar Heart of his armor. Jango ceased his task to lightly clasp your fingers. Glancing up you saw his face soften, lips pursed with words he could not say, instead he bent forward to touch his forehead to your own.

“Thank you Jango.”

“You shouldn't be here," he used the same tone that he would have when Boba was little, not wanting to upset you more. Jango shook his head with a subtle huff, "you don't deserve to be here.”

Closing your eyes a sad little chuckle escaped you, “We rarely get what we deserve.”

“Isn't that the truth. From what I've seen though, I don't think this will be your last day.” Jango smiled sadly. In another lifetime maybe they could have even been friends, but that could be true of so many things. He pressed the last item into your hand, watched as you secured it in your robes. Time was short and he needed to get you to the holding cell, but then soft fingertips touched his cheeks. He was used to pain, but this gentleness was so very different. Glancing at your battered face Jango knew that he had made the right decision.

Leaning in you placed a soft kiss to his cheek, “When the fight comes, I won't look for you Jango. Fly swift and straight.”

As you pulled away Jango couldn't help indulging in temptation just a little. Your face could have fit entirely in the palm of his hand, his hold firm but careful of the bruising. Dipping his head down Jango collected his fee, after all one good deed deserves another. He kept the kiss light, tongue only just tracing the outside seam of your lips including the small cut on the tender bottom one before he pulled away. He had to smirk at the little sigh and the flush that crept up your cheeks.

Your mind had gone blank, not expecting him to do that! You were just trying to be nice and say thank you, but damn the man for being so cheeky. Then he gave a roguish, self satisfied smirk at you and that tore it. Narrowing your eyes you kicked him square in the ass plate, “Oh you...”

“Quid Pro Quo cyar'ika,” Jango couldn't help but smile at the fire in your eyes. He carried you down to the cell to be with your riduur, not that he thought the prick deserved you. He hoped that his actions would be enough that you would survive. Now he had to prepare and plan his own escape, and contingencies for Boba. If what you said was true then his own chances of survival weren't much better than your own. Glancing back from the door Jango watched as the two knights embraced, fretting over one another. What would it be like to have someone worry over him like that? Not that he had the time to ruminate on such things, he was being summoned for more intruders on the droid floor.

“Ret'urcye mhi Y/n, jate'kara.”

Translations:

Nutricula seditiosorum omnium (latin)- dry nurse of all seditious men

Amabo eum in vita vel morti (latin)- I will love him in life or death

cyar'ika- sweetheart

Riduur- spouse

Jeti'ika- little Jedi

Ret'urcye mhi- Good bye, but more literally maybe we'll meet again.

jate'kara- luck, destiny; more literally good stars to steer by.

Tags: @meshlasolus @a-rose-of-amber @aquaamethyst96 @rain-on-kamino @stanny-uwu @just-dreaming-marvel @nurseytypechick @in-a-mellow-tone @acatalystrising @pickleprickle @iambored24601 @songoficecreamandfireworks @misscamptl @purplepandora666 @obiknights @moostresskenobi @the-going-merry @ginger-swag-rapunzel @iabrokengirl @lovelyxlily @annasun13 @foxperifoto @supernaturallover2002

#Oh this was a long one #the next one wont be much better #obi wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x y/n #obi wan fic #star wars #obi wan x reader #obi wan fanfiction #obi wan x you #jango fett #attack of the clones #ol&d

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mariacallous · 7 months

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Since 2018, conservative state legislatures across the country have proposed and passed laws targeting young transgender people’s freedom to to play on sports teams and use bathrooms that correspond with their gender, and to obtain gender-affirming health care. Advocates for trans rights argue that the increased interest in the subject has served to galvanize the energies of those who had fought an ultimately losing battle against gay marriage—and have observed how the anti-trans movement has used tactics that have proved successful in limiting abortion. As with much legislation of this type, amid the nationalized, culture-war politics, the effects are felt most acutely by the most vulnerable families and individuals.

In a startling piece of reporting in this week’s issue, Emily Witt follows a mother named Kristen Chapman who moves her family from Tennessee to Virginia, in order for her daughter Willow to continue receiving gender-affirming care. “I genuinely feel we are being run out of town on a rail,” Chapman says. “I am not being dramatic. It is not my imagination.” With nuance and compassionate precision, Witt captures the urgency of the family’s relocation, and the sense, as laws seem to change underfoot, of pursuit. As she writes, “Chapman had chosen Virginia for their new life, she said, because it was still in the South, but there would be ‘multiple avenues of escape.’ ”

On the last morning of July, Kristen Chapman was getting ready to leave Nashville. Chapman, who is in her early fifties and wears her silver hair short, sat on a camp chair next to a fire pit outside the rental duplex where her family had lived for twelve years. She was smoking an American Spirit and swatting at the mosquitoes that kept emerging from the dense green brush behind her. Her husband, Paul, who was wearing a T-shirt with the Guinness logo, carried boxes out to the front lawn. Their daughters, Saoirse and Willow, who were seventeen and fifteen, were inside, still asleep. Chapman looked down at the family’s beagle mix, Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was drinking rainwater out of a plastic bucket. “We got him when we moved in here for the kids,” she said. “He’s never lived anywhere else.”

Paul was planning to stay in town; Chapman was heading to Richmond, Virginia, with Saoirse and Willow. Chapman and Paul’s marriage was ending, but the decision to split their family apart had happened abruptly. Willow is trans, and had been on puberty blockers since 2021. In March, Tennessee’s governor, Bill Lee, had signed a bill that banned gender-transition treatment for minors across the state.

On paper, the law, which went into effect in early July, would allow trans teens like Willow to continue their medical care until March of 2024. But Chapman wasn’t sure they could count on that. Willow was determined to begin taking estrogen when she turned sixteen, in December of 2023, which would allow her to grow into adulthood with feminine characteristics. If she couldn’t continue taking puberty blockers until then, she would begin to go through male puberty, which could mean more surgeries and other procedures later in life.

At first, the family had hoped that the courts would declare the new law unconstitutional. Federal courts had already done so in at least four other states in 2023, finding that such bans violated the First Amendment and the equal-protection and due-process clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment. But that spring the Pediatric Transgender Clinic at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, where Willow had been receiving care, informed its patients that it was ceasing operations. Seeing this as a bad sign, Chapman set up a GoFundMe page in early May and began planning their departure.

Inside, the apartment was filled with abandoned objects—an old Wi-Fi router, trash bags of unwanted clothes. A Homer Simpson doll in a hula skirt lay forgotten on a windowsill. Chapman, an artist who supplements her income with social work, had recently quit her job as a caseworker. She would need their landlord as a reference to get an apartment, especially because she had bad credit, but the family still owed him back rent. She checked Venmo, waiting on a loan from a friend.

At six-thirty that morning, Chapman had gone out to her white Dodge S.U.V. and found her younger daughter asleep in the back seat. Willow had gone over to a friend’s house and stayed out late. When she got home, she realized that she had locked herself out. The Dodge’s window had been stuck open for months, so she got in. “Any other human being would have handled this totally differently,” Chapman said, shaking her head.

Willow had gone back to sleep in her room, which she once shared with her brother. (He was a sophomore in college and had already moved out.) The colorful scarves and lights that used to decorate the space had been taken down. When she woke up, she began sifting through what was left. “I feel like I’m ready to say goodbye to it,” she said, looking around. There were drawings scrawled on the wall, a desk spattered in paint. “Most of the stuff in here I’ve trashed.”

“It’s like getting a new haircut,” Chapman said. “A fresh palette.”

Chapman had chosen Virginia for their new life, she said, because it was still in the South, but there would be “multiple avenues of escape.” Paul worked nights for a large grocery-store chain; Richmond was among the northernmost cities where it had branches, and Chapman thought that at some point he might be able to transfer there. Earlier in the summer, she and Willow had driven to Richmond to see the city, and Chapman had lined up a marketing job. It didn’t pay well, but she knew she wouldn’t get a lease without a job. Willow, who had received her last puberty-blocker shot at the Vanderbilt clinic in late May, was supposed to receive her next one in late August. They didn’t have a lot of time.

Despite having taken puberty blockers for two years, Willow looks her age. She is tall and long-limbed and meticulous about her appearance. That morning, she had on Y2K-revival clothes: wide-legged jeans worn low on the hips with a belt, a patterned tank top, and furry pink Juicy Couture boots. Her blond hair was glossy and straight, her bangs held back with a barrette. She is committed to living her adolescence as a girl regardless of what medical treatment she is allowed to receive. At times she has used silicone prosthetic breasts; attaching them is an onerous process involving spray-on adhesive.

From a very young age, Willow wore dresses and gravitated toward friendships with girls. Her parents thought that she would likely grow up to be a gay man. As Chapman put it, “We knew she was in the fam.” When a homophobic shooter killed forty-nine people at Pulse, the gay night club in Orlando, in 2016, Willow, who was eight at the time, accompanied her mother to a vigil in Nashville. Willow wrote a long message on a banner in solidarity with the survivors. Chapman took a photo of her there. “It was like she was transfixed,” Chapman remembered. In the sixth grade, Willow went to an all-girl sleepover. A parent overheard the kids discussing gender and sexuality, and told Chapman. Willow says that it was around then that she began to think about her identity. “Pretty much as soon as I knew about, like, conceptualized gender, I knew I wanted to be a girl,” she said. She had been an A student, but her grades started going down. Looking back, Willow struggled to articulate what had happened. “It just got complicated, like with all my stuff physically, it just felt like a mess,” she said.

She came out to her friends first; then one day, in the spring of 2020, while she was upstairs on her laptop and Chapman was downstairs working, Willow sent her mother a three-word e-mail that said, “I am trans.” Willow told me, “I realized I have to do this sometime if I want to advocate for myself and get what I need to get.” She left it to her mother to inform the rest of the family. Chapman was accepting; Paul was more skeptical. “That’s him, you know—a man of science,” Chapman said. “It wasn’t overly positive or negative.”

Willow had already decided on her new name before coming out, and began using it with friends. She was again reluctant to tell her family. “I was, like, I’ll keep that secret,” she said—she had been named at birth for a brother of her father’s who had died, and knew the name was important to him. Her mother found out when another mom referred to Willow by her chosen name. Chapman started using it right away; it took Paul another year.

To figure out their next steps, Chapman took Willow, who was then twelve, to her regular pediatrician at Vanderbilt University Medical Center. She was referred to the center’s Pediatric Transgender Clinic. The clinic, which opened in 2018, was part of a broader expansion of gender-affirming care at flagship medical schools in the South that occurred around that time. (Clinics also opened at Duke University, the University of Mississippi, and Emory University, among other schools.) These places “attracted the kind of people who build very trusting relationships with patients and are able to establish not just the clinical competencies but also an inclusive environment,” Jasmine Beach-Ferrara, the executive director of the Campaign for Southern Equality, an advocacy group for L.G.B.T.Q. rights, told me. “All those things are nothing you can take for granted when seeking medical care in the South.” (Federal funding for health care is often funnelled through state governments, some of which have a history of withholding money from providers that offer abortion and other politicized health services.)

Care for patients who are experiencing gender dysphoria is highly individualized: some trans kids opt for a purely social transition, changing their names or pronouns; others, like Willow, seek a medical transition, which can be started at the onset of puberty. In Willow’s case, a diagnosis of gender dysphoria had to be verified before pharmaceutical treatment could begin. A course of psychotherapy was accompanied by a physical assessment at Vanderbilt, which included ultrasounds, X-rays, and blood tests. The clinic was following a protocol supported by the Endocrine Society and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, whereby patients take puberty blockers—which have been used to treat children experiencing early-onset puberty since the nineteen-eighties—to delay the onset of secondary sex characteristics until they are ready to begin taking estrogen or testosterone.

“I’d always explain it to the families as a pause on puberty, allowing the youth to take a deep breath,” Kimberly Herrmann, a pediatrician and internist at Whitman-Walker Health, a provider in the Washington, D.C., area that offers gender-affirming care to patients aged thirteen and over, told me. (Some patients choose to go through their natal puberty.) “All of the data suggests that it is the correct thing to do for a patient with a clear diagnosis,” Izzy Lowell, a doctor who started a telehealth practice for gender-affirming care called QueerMed, said, of taking puberty blockers. “If they are going to develop the body of a grown man, it becomes difficult to undo those changes.”

Paul was worried about the blockers’ long-term effects on Willow’s health. (Studies have shown that they can affect bone density when used long term, and the protocol for hormone therapy advises doctors to discuss potential risks to fertility and options for fertility preservation.) Chapman thought the risks to Willow’s well-being would be worse if she developed male secondary sex characteristics. In one testimony against the Tennessee ban, an adult trans woman described her adolescence, in which she attempted to present as male, as “a disastrous and torturous experience.”

“Paul and I talked about it and came to the belief that we wanted her on them as quickly as possible for safety reasons,” Chapman said. “I hate that that’s true, but we know that’s the world that we live in, and that she is going to be a safer person for the rest of her life if she does not look male.” (A recent analysis of crime statistics from 2017 and 2018 found that transgender people are more than four times as likely as cisgender people to be the victims of a violent crime.)

The evaluation and diagnosis took almost a year. For Willow, the talk therapy was the most taxing part. Willow was insured through the state’s Medicaid program, TennCare, which meant that there were only a limited number of therapists she could see, none of whom were trans, or even queer. She went through three in a year. “We were in the lowest tier of care,” Chapman said, adding that at least one therapist dropped their health insurance. Willow told her mother that she wished she could just be left alone to be a “sad trans girl.”

At the age of thirteen, she was finally able to start puberty blockers. “You have an end goal,” Willow said of the experience. “And all the in-between doesn’t matter.”

In September, 2022, the conservative commentator and anti-trans activist Matt Walsh, who moved to Nashville in 2020 (along with his employer, the conservative news company the Daily Wire), posted a thread on Twitter. “Vanderbilt drugs, chemically castrates, and performs double mastectomies on minors,” it began. “But it gets worse.” Walsh—who is the author of books including “Church of Cowards: A Wake-Up Call to Complacent Christians” and “What Is a Woman?,” a polemic arguing that gender roles are biologically determined—worked in conservative talk radio before being hired by the Daily Wire as a writer, in 2017. Last year, the left-wing watchdog group Media Matters for America mapped Walsh’s origins as an aspiring radio shock jock in the early twenty-tens who once said, “We probably lost our republic after Reconstruction.” In 2022, he was one of several right-wing social-media pundits who began broadcasting misinformation about hospitals that provided gender-transition treatment for minors, which were then overwhelmed with phone and e-mail threats and online harassment. One study found that more than fifteen hospitals modified or took down Web sites about pediatric gender care after being named in these campaigns.

Walsh included in his thread about Vanderbilt a video clip of Shayne Taylor, the medical director of its Transgender Clinic, speaking of top and bottom surgeries as a potential “money-maker” for the hospital. Walsh did not specify that Taylor was mostly speaking about adults. (Vanderbilt never performed genital surgery on underage patients and did an average of five top surgeries a year on minors, with a minimum age of sixteen.) More than sixty Republican state legislators signed a letter to Vanderbilt describing the clinic’s practices “as nothing less than abuse.” In a statement calling for an investigation, Governor Lee, who was up for reëlection, said that “we should not allow permanent, life-altering decisions that hurt children.” Within days, Vanderbilt announced that it would put a pause on surgeries for minors. Jonathan Skrmetti, Tennessee’s Republican attorney general, began an inquiry into whether Vanderbilt had manipulated billing codes to avoid limitations on insurance coverage.

In October, Walsh and other anti-trans advocates held a “Rally to End Child Mutilation” in Nashville’s War Memorial Plaza. The speakers included the Tennessee senator Marsha Blackburn, the former Democratic Presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard, and Chloe Cole, a nineteen-year-old self-described “former trans kid.” After identifying as male from the age of twelve, receiving testosterone, and getting top surgery, Cole de-transitioned to female at sixteen and is now one of the country’s foremost youth advocates of bans on gender-transition treatment for minors. “I was allowed to make an adult decision as a traumatized fifteen-year-old,” she said at the rally.

For the past four years, the number of anti-trans bills proposed throughout the United States has dramatically risen. The A.C.L.U. has counted some four hundred and ninety-six proposals in state legislatures in 2023, eighty-four of which have been signed into law. The first state ban on gender-transition treatment for minors was passed in Arkansas in 2021. It was permanently blocked by a federal judge this year, but more than twenty states have passed similar laws since then. As lawsuits filed by the A.C.L.U., Lambda Legal, and other organizations make their way through the courts, trans people are left to navigate a shifting legal landscape that activists say has affected clinical and pharmaceutical access. Lowell told me that she consults with six lawyers (including one she keeps on retainer) to best advise patients, who must frequently drive across state borders to receive care. “It’s literally a daily task to figure out what’s legal where,” she said.

In Tennessee, the Human Rights Campaign has counted the passage of at least nineteen anti-L.G.B.T.Q. laws since 2015, among the most in the nation. Some of these laws have been found unconstitutional, such as a ban on drag shows in public spaces and a law that would have required any business to post a warning if it let transgender people use their preferred rest room. But many others have gone into effect, such as laws that censor school curricula and ban transgender youth from playing on the sports teams that align with their identity.

Proposals to ban gender-transition treatment for minors were the first bills introduced in the opening legislative sessions of the Tennessee House and Senate in November, 2022. “It was Matt Walsh who lit a fire under the ultraconservative wing of the Republican Party this year,” Chris Sanders, the director of a Nashville-based L.G.B.T.Q. advocacy group called Tennessee Equality Project, told me. “It was lightning speed the way it all unfolded.” At hearings throughout the winter, parents of trans kids, trans adults, trans youth, and a Memphis pediatrician who provides gender-affirming care testified against the ban. Those who spoke in support of it included Walsh, Cole (who is from California), and a right-wing Tennessee physician named Omar Hamada, who compared such treatment to letting a minor who wanted to become a pirate get a limb and one eye removed.

L.G.B.T.Q. activists who attended described feeling disregarded by the Republican majority. Molly Quinn, the executive director of OUTMemphis, a nonprofit that helps trans youth navigate their health care, likened the experience to “being the only queer kid at a frat party.”

Three months after Governor Lee signed the ban, Vanderbilt University Medical Center informed patients that the previous November, at the attorney general’s request, it had shared non-anonymized patient records from the Pediatric Transgender Clinic, including photographic documentation and mental-health assessments. “I immediately started hearing from parents,” Sanders said. Their fear stemmed in part from attempts in states like Texas to have the parents of trans kids investigated by child-protective services. (The attorney general’s office said in a statement that it is “legally bound to maintain the medical records in the strictest confidence, which it does.”) Former patients have sued Vanderbilt, and a federal investigation by the Department of Health and Human Services is also under way. (A spokesperson for Vanderbilt declined to comment for this article.)

In July, the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals became the first federal court in the country to allow a ban on gender-transition treatment for minors to take effect, with a final ruling planned for September. Chapman, who had spoken out for trans rights through local media outlets, and had been targeted with online threats and menacing phone calls in return, understood that Tennessee, where she had lived for most of the past thirty-five years, had become a hostile environment for her family. “I genuinely feel we are being run out of town on a rail,” she said. “I am not being dramatic. It is not my imagination.”

It was dusk by the time Paul had loaded the last of the boxes into three storage pods. Everything was ready, but the family was having trouble leaving. Someone would walk out of the house and get into the car, only to go back into the house five minutes later. Chapman suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to buy padlocks for the storage pods, which were scheduled to be picked up by U-Haul the next day. As she drove off to get them, Paul sat on the back steps and stared out at the lawn. Fireflies were winking on and off over the grass.

“Bollocks,” he said to himself, then stood up and went inside.

Although comprehensive demographic data on transgender youth are scarce, the American Academy of Pediatrics has reported that “research increasingly suggests that familial acceptance or rejection ultimately has little influence on the gender identity of youth.” But without parental consent most kids in America who wish to transition medically are legally unable to do so until they turn eighteen. Having a supportive parent or guardian as a trans child is more than a legal or practical advantage, though. A study of eighty-four youth in Ontario, aged sixteen to twenty-four, who identified as trans and had come out to their parents found that the rate of attempted suicide was four per cent among those whose parents were strongly supportive but that nearly sixty per cent of respondents who described their parents as not supportive had attempted suicide in the previous year.

Chapman’s decision to support her daughter grew in part out of her own experience as a black sheep in a deeply religious family. She was born in East Tennessee to a Baptist minister and his wife and had an itinerant upbringing, moving around the South. The last words her grandfather, who was also a Baptist minister, said to her were “I’m so sorry I’m not gonna see you in Heaven.”

Paul was raised in Dublin, Ireland, as the youngest of twelve children in a Catholic family. “We both came from communities that were super fundamentalist,” Chapman said. They agreed that they would raise their children outside of any religious tradition. If they had a doctrine, Chapman said, it was “critical thinking.” They brought their kids to Black Lives Matter demonstrations, and took them to hear the Georgia congressman and civil-rights activist John Lewis speak. But Paul and Kristen would also listen to the far-right radio host Rush Limbaugh, to know what the other side was saying. As the children got older, Paul and Kristen started to have different visions of the future—Kristen wanted to buy an R.V. and travel the country, and Paul wanted to buy a house. In 2019, they decided to separate, but they couldn’t afford to split their family into two households.

Paul at first had trouble understanding how Willow could decide about her gender so young. Kristen would argue, “If a person presents and says, ‘This is who I am,’ it is not your job to unpack that.” In the end, it was by talking to two trans women—a co-worker in her fifties and a twentysomething bartender at the pub he frequented—that Paul came to understand his daughter better. “Reading online was too much right-wing or left-wing,” he said. “I needed something more grounded.” The bartender told him that her father had rejected her, and that she had scars on her arms from self-harm. “I said, no matter what, I wasn’t doing that,” Paul recalled.

Willow had told me that one of the hardest parts of leaving town was doing so while her relationship to her father was still evolving. “I feel like my biggest unfinished business is that relationship,” she said the day before the move, over boba tea in a strip mall called Plaza Mariachi. “I think I’ve dealt with it. We’ll talk on the phone. Even if we don’t have an in-person connection, I think we’ll be O.K.”

Once they all managed to leave the house for the last time, Paul gave Chapman and each daughter a hundred dollars in cash as a parting gift. The family had dinner at Panera Bread, then sat for a while at a nearby park. Paul cancelled two Lyfts before finally getting in one and heading to the pub, where he would try to process the day. Chapman and the girls got in the white Dodge and took I-24 out of Nashville.

L.G.B.T.Q.-rights activists around the country have seen the sudden uptick in bills targeting transgender identity as a strategy to rally conservative voters after the legalization of gay marriage and the criminalization of abortion. “There was an inordinate amount of money and attention and huge far-right groups, many of which have been deemed hate groups, focussed on keeping us as L.G.B.T.Q. people from getting married, right?” Simone Chriss, a Florida-based lawyer, told me. Chriss is representing trans people in several lawsuits against the state over its restrictions on gender-affirming care. She observed that, after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, in 2015, “all of the people singularly focussed on that needed something else to focus on.”

She recalled watching as model legislation propagated by groups such as the Alliance Defending Freedom and the Family Research Council targeted trans people’s freedom to use bathrooms of their choice, and to play on their preferred sports teams. Health care came next. “All of a sudden, you see this surge in gender-affirming-care bills,” Chriss said. “And what’s bananas is there was not a single bill introduced in a single state legislature prior to 2018.”

The anti-trans rhetoric about protecting children mirrored that of the anti-gay-marriage movement, she continued, and new rules mandating waiting periods, for example, were familiar from the anti-abortion movement. “It’s like dipping a toe in by making it about trans children,” she said. “I think the goal is the erasure of trans people, in part by erasing the health care that allows them to live authentically.”

Beach-Ferrara, of the Campaign for Southern Equality, said her organization estimates that more than ninety per cent of transgender youth in the South live in states where bans have passed or will soon be in effect, and that between three and five thousand young people in the South will have ongoing medical care disrupted by the bans. (The Williams Institute at U.C.L.A. estimates that there are more than a hundred thousand thirteen-to-seventeen-year-olds who identify as trans living in the South, more than in any other region in the country.) Already, university hospitals such as the University of Mississippi Medical Center and the Medical University of South Carolina have discontinued their pediatric gender services before being legally required to do so.

Had Chapman stayed in Tennessee, Willow’s closest option for getting puberty-blocker shots would likely have required a four-hundred-and-fifty-mile trip to Peoria, Illinois. Willow’s TennCare insurance would not easily travel, and a single shot can cost twelve hundred dollars out of pocket. Paul had told Chapman not to be ashamed if the move didn’t work out and she changed her mind, but she already knew she would never go back to Nashville.

On their way east, the family stopped for a few days in Seneca, South Carolina, where Chapman has relatives. Back on the road, she tried not to focus on the uncertainty that awaited her and her daughters, but she had to pull over at least twice to breathe her way through anxiety attacks. There was a heat wave, and by the time they arrived in Richmond the back speakers of the S.U.V. were blown out, and everyone was in a bad mood. Willow had snapped at her mother and Saoirse for trying to sing along to the Cranberries; she had even yelled at the dog. “It was difficult?” Willow told me afterward, when I asked how the trip had been; then she added, “I’m still excited.” (Saoirse declined to be interviewed.)

Chapman had booked an Airbnb, a dusty-blue bungalow outside Richmond. It had good air-conditioning and a small back yard for the dog. She could afford only a week there before they would have to move to a motel. That night, Willow zoned out to old episodes of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” in the living room, while Chapman scrolled through real-estate listings on her phone. She asked for advice on the social-media feeds of local L.G.B.T.Q. groups, and the responses were heartening. She decided that, if she was able to find a place to live by the end of the week, she would not take the marketing job she had lined up. School wouldn’t start for a few weeks, and it was not the right moment to leave her daughters alone all day.

At eight the next morning, Chapman was sitting in an otherwise empty waiting room at the Southside Community Services Center, filling out forms to get the family food stamps and health insurance. She had put on makeup for the first time in days and was wearing wide-legged leopard-print pants and a black shirt. She had forgotten her reading glasses, however. “Do you have a spouse who does not live at home?” she read out loud, squinting her way through the questions. “Yes,” she answered to herself, checking a box. (She and Paul are not yet divorced.)

Chapman kept mistakenly writing “Willow” on the government forms—she had never officially changed her daughter’s name. (A 1977 Tennessee state law that prohibits amending one’s gender on a birth certificate will apply to Willow no matter where she moves; another Tennessee law, which went into effect this past July, bans people from changing the gender on their driver’s license.) Chapman picked up the next batch of forms, for Medicaid. “One down, one to go,” she said.

Later in the day, Chapman and her daughters went to see a house that was advertised on Craigslist, an affordable three-bedroom in the suburbs of Richmond. As they were driving, the owner texted Chapman that he had a flat tire and couldn’t meet them. But the place looked ideal from the outside, so she filled out an application and sent the landlord a thousand-dollar deposit. At five the next morning, she woke up and saw a text from the owner claiming that the money transfer had not gone through. She quickly realized she’d been scammed.

Chapman became weepy. She posted on social media about the con, then drove Saoirse to a thrift store she wanted to visit. At first, only one shopper noticed the woman crying uncontrollably in the furniture section. Then someone went to find some tissues, and someone else brought water. Soon, Chapman recalled, she was surrounded by women murmuring words of sympathy.

That evening at the Airbnb, Chapman and Willow sat at the kitchen table. “The emotional impact of the scam hit me way more than the money,” Chapman said, still tearing up at the thought of it. Willow nodded in sympathy. But for Chapman the experience was also a reminder of the advantages of talking about their situation—the women had told her that the schools near the house were not very good, anyway. “Thrift-store people will help you when you’re down and out. They’re used to broken shit,” she said, shaking her head. “If I had broke down in a Macy’s? Think how different the reaction would be.”

The next morning, Chapman was feeling a little less pessimistic. The humidity had broken, and the weather was good. People had responded to the news of the scam by donating money to replace what she had lost, and a local Facebook group had led her to a property-management company that was flexible toward tenants with bad credit.

She drove to see a three-bedroom apartment in a centrally situated part of Richmond. Though one of the bedrooms was windowless, the place was newly painted, and it had a wooden landing out back that could serve as a deck. It was also in a school district that people had recommended. “I can see this working,” Chapman said tentatively. Most of the utilities were included in the sixteen-hundred-and-fifty-dollar rent. Chapman didn’t have time to overthink it. She wrote the real-estate agent saying she would apply.

That afternoon, Chapman drove Willow to see the apartment. The door was locked, but Willow climbed through a window and opened the door so they could consider the space together. “We were, like, ‘Oh, this is nice,’ ” Willow said. She loved the neighborhood, which had vintage stores and coffee shops. “You can walk anywhere, you don’t need transportation—that’s really cool.”

The next day, Willow was sitting on a couch in the Airbnb watching a slasher film called “Terrifier.” Chapman was next to her, getting ready for a Zoom call with someone from a local trans-rights organization called He She Ze and We.

In the weeks leading up to the move, Chapman had taken time to research which schools were friendly to trans people. Willow estimated that maybe half the students in her middle school in Nashville were transphobic, and twenty per cent were explicit about it. She was bullied, but she says that it didn’t bother her. Her teachers were more supportive, such as the one who gave her an entire Lilith Fair-era wardrobe. “She was, like, ‘Do you want some of my old clothes? Because you’re so fashion,’ ” Willow said. “I had that black little bob.”

“She had Siouxsie Sioux hair for a while,” Chapman said, looking at her fondly.

The two of them agree that Willow’s personality shifted after transitioning. Once withdrawn and nonconfrontational, she began to develop a defiant attitude. “It was kind of fun to just mess with them,” she recalled of the bullies, who she said were not vicious but more into trying to get a laugh—“like, childish, immature stuff.” She would be coy; she would tell them to give her a kiss. “My only weapon, I guess, was how I chose to respond,” she said.

“She’s not a shrinking violet,” her mother added.

“I just don’t like the traditional way that you’re taught to stand up for yourself,” Willow said. “I think absurdism is the best way.” If she lets someone misgender her, she said, “it’s not because I don’t want to be the annoying trans person, it’s more like . . . you’re not gonna get to those people.”

In her freshman year, she attended a public arts high school, and began skipping class and smoking. She says there were at least ten other students who identified as trans, but she remained something of an outsider. When she was in school, she says, she almost thought of herself as a kind of character expected to perform.

Chapman is not a disciplinarian—she had enough of that growing up. But she had a conversation with her daughter after watching a video of an incident in which Willow was voguing in a school hallway, attempted to do a death drop, and ended up with a concussion. The students around Willow were clapping and egging her on even after she fell. “It’s great that you’re the kind of person who will do crazy things,” Chapman remembered saying, “but you need people around you who are not like that.” Both Chapman and Paul worry about Willow’s safety, in part because she is not easily scared herself.

“Will you turn that off?” Chapman said now about the horror film, as she logged on to Zoom. Willow took that as a cue to leave the room.

“You’re going to want to be on this thing,” Chapman said, calling her back.

Willow, who wore blue eyeshadow, a purple baby tee with a peace sign and the word “Smile!” on it, and magenta-pink shorts, plopped back down on the couch, then got up to retrieve supplies to disinfect her belly-button piercing, which she began to do with studiousness.

On Zoom, Chapman introduced herself to Shannon McKay, the co-founder of He She Ze and We, and gave a summary of their situation.

“Have you gotten connected with the medical piece yet?” McKay asked. She explained that, in Virginia, Willow might not have to wait until she turned sixteen to start estrogen. At this news, Willow looked up and made eye contact with her mother, who nodded back.

The conversation turned to politics. Earlier in the week, Glenn Youngkin, the Republican governor of Virginia, had held a town hall on parents’ rights at a school in Henrico County. A parent there had urged Youngkin to introduce a ban on gender-transition treatment for minors.

“Our governor, just to let you know, has not taken a stance,” McKay, who also has a trans daughter, explained to Chapman. “And I think he’s not conservative enough for the folks that wish he would be.”

In July, Youngkin had issued a series of rules that direct trans kids to use pronouns and bathrooms that accord with the gender they were assigned at birth, unless they have parental permission to do otherwise. Chapman asked McKay if that gave her some control over how Willow would be treated at school.

“The clincher here is, even if all parents involved do fill out the form and say, ‘We’re all on board,’ school personnel can still say, ‘I don’t believe in that. I’m not going to do it,’ ” McKay said. She did have some good news, however: if Willow learned to drive, she could determine the name and gender on her identification card.

“I’m not ready for it,” Chapman said, referring to the driving.

“Well, before this governor messes it up, I encourage people to go ahead and get these documents lined up,” McKay said.

Chapman got the apartment she and Willow had visited, and a few days later the family moved in. Willow started at her new school on Tuesday, August 22nd. She made friends with another trans girl in the first week. But, despite a letter from Chapman specifying Willow’s name and pronouns, school administrators told her they had to use the name on her registration. She was also told she should use the nurse’s bathroom instead of the girls’ bathroom, even though it was on a different floor and might cause her to be late to class. Willow ignored that rule, and asked her mother not to intervene on her behalf.

Before the school year had begun, Chapman told me that if school didn’t work out she would be fine with her daughter getting a G.E.D. When I asked Willow about the future, she said that she wants to move to New York City. She wants to go to the balls, “maybe be a model, I don’t know,” she continued. “I like doing art. I like meeting people. I don’t know how to connect all of those things and get paid.”

“You care more about personal freedom than hitting a milestone,” Chapman said. “You care less about the traditional high-school things, the traditional college things.”

“I feel like I should care about them,” Willow said.

“Oh!” Chapman said, looking surprised. “I like hearing that.”

“I’m open—like, I could potentially care about them, but if it’s not welcoming me then I won’t,” Willow said.

The day in August when Willow needed her puberty-blocker shot came and went. The family’s insurance still had not come through, and the earliest appointment Chapman could get at a clinic with tiered pricing was in mid-September. An administrator at the clinic assured her that there was a window with puberty blockers, and that Willow’s voice would not drop overnight.

I talked to Chapman the evening after the appointment. “We thought we were just going in for an intake, but they started Willow on estrogen today,” Chapman told me over the phone. “The doctor was in shock that Willow had been on puberty blockers for two years and that she was almost sixteen.” (“It’s really hard for cis people to fully appreciate the deep destabilizing physical betrayal that these kids are navigating on a day-to-day basis,” the doctor, Stephanie Arnold, told me. “It’s a period where you should be establishing confidence in yourself and your ability to interact with the outside world.”) Willow, Chapman added, “is over the moon.” They called Paul to let him know. “After every fucking thing . . . it just happened,” she said.

The following Monday, Chapman started a new job, counselling people on signing up for Medicaid. She was earning less than she had in Nashville, but hoped to rebuild her career as an artist and a community organizer.

The family was getting to know Richmond, with its restored Victorian row houses and stately parks. Using the hundred dollars from her father, Willow had bought herself a skateboard to get around town. Paul was planning a visit for October. “This city is just dang cute, let’s be honest,” Chapman said. They had found a leftist bookstore where she had bought Willow a book of poetry by trans writers. When I asked Willow how she felt on estrogen, she said that it was too early to discern any changes with clarity; what she felt, she said, was more vulnerable. A little more than a month in, Willow said that she was liking her new school and had even attended the homecoming dance. “And my grades are O.K.,” she added. “So that’s something.”

On September 28th, the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals upheld the ban on gender-transition treatment for minors in Tennessee. The court found, among other things, that state legislatures can determine whether the risks of gender dysphoria are less significant than the risks of treating it before a patient turns eighteen. A dissenting opinion stated, “The statutes we consider today discriminate based on sex and gender conformity and intrude on the well-established province of parents to make medical decisions for their minor children.” Because the federal appeals courts have split in their findings, with other circuits finding such bans unconstitutional, the issue has the potential to proceed to the Supreme Court.

“I know what’s going on,” Willow had said, when I asked her about politics. She doesn’t see herself as an activist, though; she prefers to let the news filter through her mother rather than to consume it herself: “She’s my person on the inside.”

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