#this is the 8th tornado in the last 6 months and they never do any damage but i will be going out to look anyway
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Unus Annus: A Complete Ranked List
well, now that every single video has been released, i’ve compiled them all into a complete ranked list, from best video to worst! this took way longer than it had any right to.
(also, please note this is just my opinion, and in all honesty, this list was really hard because so many of these videos are fantastic. you could tell me that you’d rearrange anything in the 50-250 range and i’d probably agree with you.)
And if you don’t feel like going through the whole list, here’s Unus Annus ranked by month!
If the video is in:
Top 50: 5 points
51 - 100: 4 points
101 - 150: 3 points
151 - 200: 2 points
201 - 250: 1 point
251 - 300: 0 points
300 or below: -1 point
(Any ties settled by which month had the highest ranking video overall.)
November: 93
October: 72
December:70
September: 66
February: 66
August: 63
June: 60
January: 59
July: 53
May: 43
March: 37
April: 1
The Truth of Unus Annus (Oct. 31st)
Ethan Finally Becomes a MAN (Jan. 10th)
Phasmophobia in Real Life (Oct. 25th)
Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room (Dec. 6th)
Hunting HeeHoo (Aug. 29th)
DIY Geriatric Simulator (Jan. 18th)
Recreating Every Single Unus Annus Video (Nov. 4th)
Mark Teaches Ethan to Read with Hooked On Phonics (Jun 6th)
Ethan Gives Mark a Viking Funeral (Dec. 9th)
Cooking with Sex Toys (Nov. 15th)
Mark Reviews the Impossible Burger But There’s a Looming Sense of Impending Doom (Dec. 13th)
Helium Therapy (Nov. 29th)
2 Truths and 1 Lie -- Waxing Edition (Nov. 26th)
Ethan Will Be Kicked in the Balls (Nov. 22nd)
Being Brutally Honest With Each Other (Nov. 3rd)
Would Chica Save Us From Drowning? (Jul. 24th)
Mark and Ethan are Now Fathers (Mar. 22)
Ethan Kidnapped Mark (Oct. 30th)
Mark’s Outdoor Escape Room (Aug. 28th)
The Unus Annus Last Supper (Nov. 2nd)
Mark and Ethan Go Casket Shopping (Jan. 11th)
The Sensory Overload Tank (Jan. 7th)
Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost (Nov. 25th)
Mark Knows What Ethan Did… (Sep. 22nd)
Pee Sauna (Jun 17th)
We Made Nude Paintings of Each Other (Dec. 14th)
All of Our Video Ideas that Never Happened (Nov. 5th)
Mark Teaches Ethan How to March in a Marching Band (Sep. 4th)
Hiding Our Sins From Amy’s Holy Peepers (Jan. 2nd)
Our Perfect (and last) Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14th)
The Barrel - Official Music Video (Mar. 9th)
Edward Pumpkin Hands (Oct. 26th)
This Video Is Completely Unedited (Oct. 17th)
Ethan Teaches Mark How to Swim (Jun. 28th)
The Unus Annus Annual Sleepover (Nov. 12th)
Everything’s Legal if You’re Dead (Nov. 10th)
Harnessing Our Dogs’ Unlimited Energy (Dec. 23rd)
2 Grown Men Attempt the Presidential Fitness Test (Dec. 31st)
Learning to Breathe Underwater (Jan. 13th)
Playing Children’s Games in Total Darkness (Aug. 17th)
The Unus Annus Annual Costume Contest (Oct. 28th)
Saying Goodbye to All Our Guests (Nov. 9th)
We Got Pepper Sprayed (Mar. 10th)
The Cryptid Olympics (Oct. 24th)
Mark and Ethan Get Into a Fight (Mar. 8th)
Mark Punishes Ethan (Jan. 27th)
Ethan Watches as Mark Achieves the Impossible (Sep. 29th)
Drunk College Party Simulator (Feb. 15th)
God’s Fitness Test (Nov. 8th)
3 Big Boys Attempt the King’s Royal Fitness Test (Feb. 18th)
The Beginning of the End (Jul. 26th)
Mark Cooks Blindfolded While Ethan Guides Him Through FaceTime (May 22nd)
Pitching a Tent in the Woods But There’s a Bear 15 Feet Away (Aug. 22nd)
We Forced James Charles to Run a Military Obstacle Course (Mar. 23rd)
We Tried a Labor Pain Simulator (Mar. 20th)
The Bad Kind of Cupping (Nov. 20th)
Ethan Destroys Mark’s Van with a Bat (Dec. 7th)
Duct Tape Crucifixion (Amy, Please Don’t Watch This Video) (Dec. 29th)
A Bear Attacked Us in the Middle of the Night (Aug. 24th)
Mark and Ethan Look at a Puppy for 10 Minutes (Jul 7th)
Building the World’s First IKEA Boat (Jun 27th)
Goat Yoga (Feb. 22nd)
10 Strange Amazon Products Ethan Bought Mark Because He Doesn’t Know How To Spend Money Responsibly (Feb. 16th)
Top 10 Worst Things Your Friend Could Possibly Spend Their Money On (Feb 29th)
Fixing Mark’s Hole with Ramen But Every Time We Add Glue We Get 5% Closer to God (Jan. 14th)
Being Attacked By a Fully Trained Bodyguard Dog (Feb. 19th)
Preserving Ourselves in Wax (Dec. 26th)
Santa’s Mukbang (Drinking 1 Gallon of Eggnog) (Dec. 24th)
The Unus Annus Space Program (Jul 11th)
Ethan Explores Mark’s Haunted Basement (Dec. 17th)
Dummy THICC for Dummies | A Tale of Two Butts | Pushing Our Butts Even Further Beyond (Jul. 4th)
DIY Bungee Jump (please don’t try this) (Jan. 4th)
Unregulated Axe Throwing (Feb. 7th)
Making the Ultimate Unus Annus Burger (Sep. 15th)
How to Rescue a Cat from a Tree (Aug. 23rd)
Beer Sauna: Turning a Portable Sauna Into a Portable Hell (Mar. 16th)
The End of Unus Annus Is Almost Here… (May 15th)
We Accidentally Made an SCP While Amy Was Away (Sep. 13th)
We Play The Newlywed Game While Consuming That Which Will Kill the Other (May 23rd)
Building IKEA’s Hardest Piece of Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 18th)
Recharging Our Phones Using Only Brute Strength (Jul. 30th)
Eating Only Onions for 24 Hours: How Many Onions Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 8th)
The Candy Bra Challenge (Jul 6th)
We Bought Every Grinch Costume on Ebay (Oct. 13th)
Only UNUS-es/ANNUS-es May Watch This Video (May 28th)
Only Watch From 2:25-6:11 --- DO NOT WATCH ANY OTHER PART OF THIS VIDEO (May 29th)
We Force Mark to Swim in the Ocean (HIS GREATEST FEAR) (Oct. 22nd)
Recreating The Miracle of Childbirth (Mar. 21st)
Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank (Nov. 18th)
Turning Mark into an E-Boy (Feb. 2nd)
The First Annual Unus Annus Roast (Nov. 7th)
Reacting to Your Hilarious Green Screen Memes (Jun 5th)
The Ultimate Trolley Problem (Feb. 21st)
We Looked at Unus Annus Memes (Apr. 30th)
Exploring the Unus Annus Subreddit for Your Delicious Memes (May 16th)
BLACK LIVES MATTER: Resources and How You Can Help In The Description (Jun 2nd)
The Chubby Gummy Challenge (Dec. 4th)
Who Can Teach Their Dog a Trick the Fastest? (Mar. 5th)
Taped and Afraid (Dec. 20th)
We Played Strip Poker (May 20th)
Consuming the World’s Hottest Chip (Sep. 30th)
Mark and Ethan Learn About the Human Body (Jan. 26th)
1 Man 100 Accents (Dec. 1st)
Mark Steals Ethan’s Face (Jan. 15th)
Chickens Teach Us About Life and Death (Feb. 17th)
We Lubed Our Floor for a Sliding Competition (Aug. 3rd)
Mark Conquers His Fear of Night Swimming (Oct. 11th)
The Ultimate Paper Airplane Showdown (Jun 20th)
We Pierced Each Other’s Ears (Sep. 11th)
Crushing Watermelons Betwixt Our Mighty Thighs (Jun 3rd)
7 Minutes in Heaven | 7 Minutes in Hell (Nov. 11th)
Two Men in a Trench Coat Teach You How to Save Money at the Movies (Jun 26th)
Having an Adventure in VRChat Because We Can’t Go Outside (Mar. 27th)
Preparing a 5-Star Meal for Our YouTube Famous Dogs (Jul. 16th)
Mark and Ethan Shave Chica (Aug. 8th)
The Wubble (Aug. 7th)
How to Start a Fire (except don’t…) (Aug. 27th)
Unus Annus (Nov. 15th)
This Is Goodbye (Aug. 5th)
Puberty Simulator (Aug. 13th)
This Video Went Completely Out of Control (Oct. 1st)
This Video Will Never Make Sense (Sep. 23rd)
Blowing Our Souls into Some Hot Glass (Feb. 28th)
We Attempted to Create THICC Water (May 10th)
Brick Soccer (Sep. 19th)
Accepting the Truth (Nov. 1st)
Drinking Real THICC Water...How Bad Does It Taste? (May 19th)
How Far Can We Chuck a 16lbs Rock? (Sep. 10th)
Recreating Ourselves as a Cursed Mannequin (Jan. 8th)
Recreating Childhood Photos (Jun 13th)
Nutball: The Most Dangerous Game (Feb. 10th)
Mark Teaches Ethan How to Play the Trumpet (Aug. 1st)
How to Safely Bury Your Friend (Aug. 25th)
Mark Breaks His Nose on an Aerial Hoop (Oct. 4th)
DIY Bed of Nails: OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T EVER TRY THIS (Jul. 20th)
Pee Soda (Sep. 17th)
We Had to Drink Each Other’s Pee (Dec. 16th)
Creating Mark FISHbach (Jun 21st)
Making Our Own Gravestones to Prepare for Our Inevitable Demise (May 11th)
We Made Fanart for Each Other (Jun 11th)
Bear Trapping 101: An Elegant Knot for an Elegant Beast (Jun 25th)
Pressure Washing Our Sins Away (Oct. 21st)
Literally Finding a Needle in a Haystack (Oct. 8th)
We Ate Dog Treats so You Don’t Have To (Sept. 12th)
Giving Away Our 1,000,000 Subscriber Gold Play Button (Dec. 18th)
2 Idiots Get Crushed By 18-Ft Giant Snakes (Mar. 15th)
We Cryogenically Freeze Ourselves (Jan. 20th)
DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2080 (May 27th)
Fighting Fish to the Death in the Deep Blue Sea (Oct. 23rd)
DIY Teeth (Jul. 17th)
We Attempt to Make UNHOLY Water (Sep. 24th)
We Attempt to Make Holy Water (Sep. 20th)
DIY Cheese (Jan. 29th)
Making an Indoor Tornado to Flex on Mother Nature (Feb. 9th)
Literally Eating Fire (Feb. 6th)
2 Absolute Beginners Experience the Dancing Glory that is Salsa (Jan. 17th)
Team Building for 2: Trust Fall, Tug-of-War, and More! (Aug. 26th)
The Great Ice Cream Cake Race (Sep. 27th)
The Unus Annus Confessional Booth (May 26th)
Blood Bath (Oct. 27th)
2 Dirty Boys Wash Their Filthy Mouths Out With Soap (Jun. 30th)
Who Can Make Themselves Taller? (Jan. 6th)
Mark and Ethan Share a Drink (Aug. 6th)
2 Adults Take a 4th Grade Math Test (Sep. 6th)
Bobbing for Literally Anything But Apples (Oct. 16th)
Momiplier Teaches Self Defense (Aug. 15th)
The Human Mop (Jul. 21st)
We Attempt Pottery Without Amy’s Help (Sep. 8th)
Becoming One With the Horse (Jun 19th)
Wikifeet: A Tale of Two Tootsies (Apr. 4th)
We Found Websites That the World Forgot About (Apr. 11th)
1 Gallon of Jello Nearly Broke Us (Aug. 20th)
We Finally Drank Our DIY Wine (Sep. 5th)
We Do It Better Than Icarus Ever Could (Jul. 25th)
We Turned Our Bodies Into Art (Jan. 25th)
You Blink, You Lose (Dec. 30th)
Can You Bake a Cookie from Cookie Dough Ice Cream? (Jul. 13th)
Mark Turns Ethan into a Mummy to Prepare Him for the Great Beyond (Dec. 3rd)
Ethan Turns Mark Into a Werewolf (Oct. 29th)
Making Soda with Literally Anything But Soda (Sep. 16th)
Dunking Oreos in Literally Anything But Milk (Jul. 15th)
Making Snow Cones With Literally Anything But Normal Flavors (Sep. 7th)
How Many Slaps Does it Take to Cook a Chicken? (Sep. 2nd)
Play Doh Thanksgiving (Nov. 28th)
Hot Dog’d to Death (Nov. 17th)
Mark and Ethan Build a Scarecrow (Oct. 20th)
Transforming Mark into the Eighth Wonder of the World (Aug. 16th)
Unus Annus Try Pole Dancing (Jul 8th)
Mark Teaches Ethan to Wrestle (Sep. 28th)
Ethan Teaches Mark Gymnastics (Sep. 26th)
Who’s Cutting Onions in Here? (Nov. 6th)
How to Escape from a Hostage Situation (Jul. 18th)
Are We Already Dead? (Feb. 13th)
Bored? Press This Button (Apr. 27th)
Judging Your Terrible Unus Annus Ideas (Aug. 10th)
This is for FUN and NOT a Fetish (Oct. 10th)
This is What Being Tased Feels Like (Jan. 21st)
Learning the Ancient Art of Chinese Archery (Feb. 20th)
Tearing a Phone Book in Half With Our Huge Manly Hands (May 31st)
Beating Inanimate Objects to Death (Dec. 27th)
Edible Slime was a Mistake. (Feb. 23rd)
We Eat Bugs (Jan. 3rd)
Amy Sent Us a Mystery Box (Sep. 21st)
Hydro Dipping a Baby (Aug. 11th)
The Egg Smashing Game (Jul. 12th)
BEYBLADE NUTBALL (Sep. 14th)
Discussing the Idea of Murdering Each Other But It’s Just a Joke and Definitely Not Serious Haha (Feb. 12th)
Mark is Guilty. Ethan Has the Proof. (Jul 1st)
Learning How to Lockpick (FBI Please Don’t Watch) (Jun 22nd)
Mark Needs to Rub Ethan and Only His Mom Can Help Him (Mar. 14th)
Learning to Use the Force (Sep. 18th)
The Secret Unus Annus No-Touchy-Touchy Hand Shake (Apr. 25th)
We Google Each Other to Find Our Darkest Forgotten Sins (Apr. 6th)
Shooting Archery ON A HORSE (Oct. 6th)
Ethan Redefines Male Beauty (Feb. 3rd)
Ethan Roasts Mark for 15 Minutes Straight (Jun 7th)
Playing Cards: The World’s Deadliest Weapon (Aug. 2nd)
Morphing Our Bodies Into Superhero Poses (Jun 4th)
Becoming a Master of Mime (Feb. 11th)
This is the Most Dangerous Children’s Toy Ever Made (Jul. 23rd)
A Serious Conversation Under the Stars (Jul. 29th)
Is Mark a Masochist? (May 1st)
Literally Laying On Literal Broken Glass (Feb. 8th)
Bad, Bad Beans (Jan. 23rd)
DIY Wine (May 30th)
2 Men 200 Accents (Apr. 18th)
DIY Boob (May 24th)
Mark and Ethan Go On a Drum Date (Feb. 27th)
10 Miracle Products to Give YOU the Thiccest Jaw On Planet Earth (Jun. 29th)
Ultimate Horseshoes (Jul. 28th)
Mark and Ethan Get a Full Body Scan to See What Secrets Lay Hidden Within (and learn their body fat) (Mar. 13th)
Acupuncture is NOT Painful (Dec. 11th)
What the Hell is a Pink Trombone? (May 2nd)
Donating Toys to Charity w/ Jacksepticeye (Dec. 22nd)
Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surprise…) (Nov. 27th)
The Great Meat Mistake (Dec. 10th)
DIY Minesweeper (Oct. 7th)
Popping Popcorn with a High Powered Laser (Aug. 12th)
Bobbing for Apples but the Water Keeps Getting Thiccer (Oct. 3rd)
We Buy a Professional Hypnosis Video and React to It (Dec. 5th)
Long Hair, Do We Dare? (Feb. 25th)
Recreating Mark’s Childhood (Jul. 2nd)
Professional Fire Cupping (Going Even Further Beyond) (Feb. 4th)
An Extremely Sour, Not-at-All Sour Meal (Feb. 5th)
Purging Our Sins with a Neti Pot (Nov. 16th)
Attempting to Build IKEA Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 9th)
The Annual Unus Annus Dunk Contest (Jul. 27th)
Our Fans Try to Scare Us With Their Homemade Creepypasta (Jun 12th)
There’s Something Horribly Wrong With This Picture… (June 8th)
Too Many Pickles (Aug. 21st)
5 Products to Grow Your Patchy Beard (Jul. 31st)
What is the Least Viewed Video on YouTube? (Apr. 10th)
Baby Hands Operation (Nov. 24th)
Mark Builds a Pillow Fort for the Very First Time (Apr. 2nd)
Are Reptilian Humanoids Living Among Us? (May 6th)
Mark and Ethan Bet Everything on a Wikipedia Race (Apr. 15th)
We Will Churn Thy Butter (Sep. 25th)
We Take a Lie Detector Test to Uncover Our Darkest Sins (Jan. 12th)
Drawing on Each Other’s Backs in Total Darkness (Oct. 9th)
Drawing Memes from Memory (Nov. 30th)
We Made Every YouTuber Battle in the Hunger Games (Apr. 5th)
Ultimate YouTuber Boxing Showdown (Mar. 30th)
Tasting Weird Food Combos: Pickles and Chocolate? Ice Cream and Soy Sauce? (Jul 10th)
How to NOT be the Perfect Boyfriend (Apr. 13th)
Help Us Break a YouTube World Record (Apr. 17th)
Momiplier Tells Us True Scary Stories from Korea (Oct. 18th)
DO NOT TRY THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (Aug. 9th)
The Most Dangerous Shave (Jun 23rd)
We Took the Polar Plunge (Jan. 1st)
2 Complete Amateurs Enter a Body Building Competition (Jun 1st)
Does This Magnetic Skincare Routine Really Work? (Jul. 19th)
Mark and Ethan Milk a Goat (Oct. 5th)
Pumpkin Spice “Challenge” (Oct. 19th)
Doing Each Other’s Makeup in the Dark (Nov. 23rd)
We’re Better Than Dogs (Aug. 18th)
We Have the Best Bellies on YouTube (May 25th)
The Good Kind of Cupping (Nov. 19th)
Hacking the Very Fabric of the Universe (Jan. 30th)
Where in the World is Unus Annus? (Apr. 1st)
Mark and Ethan Become United States Citizens (Jun 10th)
Mark and Ethan Desperately Attempt to Feel Something (May 4th)
We Took an IQ Test (Jan. 9th)
Mark Teaches Ethan Korean (May 13th)
Lost Omegle Video (Mar. 31st)
Finding the Most Cursed Image on the Internet (Jun 15th)
Amazon Shopping for the Apocalypse (Mar. 28th)
Desperately Trying Not to Touch Our Faces (Mar. 24th)
Going on an Internet Scavenger Hunt (Mar. 26th)
Reading YOUR Scariest True Stories (Apr. 21st)
The Scariest True Stories on the Internet (Apr. 12th)
REAL Ghost Hunting At An Abandoned Zoo (March 2nd)
Bleachus Annus (Jul. 14th)
Pumpkin Taste Tier List (Oct. 14th)
Floating in a Real Sensory Deprivation Tank (Dec. 12th)
Was 2020 a Bad Year for Unus Annus? (Aug. 30th)
Speed Reading 1000+ WPM to Gain a Complete Understanding of All Human Knowledge (Apr. 9th)
We Give Each Other Tattoos Blindfolded (Mar. 11th)
Mark’s 1 Weird Talent Leaves Ethan Absolutely Speechless (Apr. 3rd)
Learning to Jump Higher in 16 Minutes and 16 Seconds (Oct. 15th)
You Breathe You Die (Jan.16th)
Breaking Glasses With Our Screams (Aug. 4th)
The 1000 High-Five Challenge (Oct. 2nd)
Becoming the World’s Greatest DJs (Mar. 4th)
Grip Strength Test: Loser Becomes the Winner’s Butler for a Day (Aug. 14th)
Forcibly Turning Mark into Santa Claus Against His Will (Dec. 25th)
We Smell Every Smell (Sep. 1st)
We Wrote a Hit Pop Song in 30 Minutes (Feb. 26th)
Unus Annus Carves the Roast Beast (Mar. 18th)
The Painful World of Aerial Skills (Oct. 12th)
The Koala Challenge: TikTok’s Intimate Couples Trend (Aug. 19th)
Ethan Traps Mark’s Soul in the Palm of His Hand (Jun 24th)
Will We Break the Boards...Or Will They Break Us? (Jun 14th)
DIY Chiropractor (Mar. 7th)
Mark Gives Ethan a HOT (stone) Massage (Aug. 31st)
We Bought a Camera That Can Look Inside Us (Mar. 3rd)
Can Plants Feel Pain? (Sep. 9th)
This is Hiding on Your Body RIGHT NOW. (Jul 9th)
Strange (and legal) Things You Can Do With Your Body After Death (Jan. 28th)
Like It Or Not...This is What The New Human Looks Like (May 7th)
Looking at Long Lost Memes (Jan. 31st)
We Played Mad Libs and Ran It Through Google Translate (Apr. 7th)
Running Internet Drama Through Google Translate (Apr. 24th)
Mark and Ethan Desperately Try to Name a Single State in the USA (Apr. 8th)
Professional Fetish Scientists Rank the Best/Worst Fetishes of 2020 (May 3rd)
Reddit 50/50: Two Player Edition (Mar. 25th)
Mark and Ethan Find the Lost City of El Dorado (Apr. 14th)
Using Google Maps to Find the Lost City of Atlantis (Apr. 20th)
We Hired a Real Hypnotherapist to Analyze Our Darkest Dreams (Jan. 24th)
2 Boys 2 Poops (Sep. 3rd)
This is How We’ll Die... (Jan. 19th)
Nutball Extreme: Taser Edition (Mar. 1st)
You Made Beautiful Music for The Barrel...But Only One Could Win (Dec. 15th)
Can Sound Therapy Heal All Wounds? (Jul. 22nd)
Middle School Science Experiment Teaches Us About Life and Death (Mar. 6th)
Reverse Engineering a Kite to Steal the Idea of Electricity from Benjamin Franklin (Jul 5th)
Ethan’s Relaxing and Totally Normal Nail Salon (Dec. 19th)
Mark and Ethan Take a Personality Test (Apr. 22nd)
An AI Generates Our Worst Nightmare (May 5th)
Learning to Cry on Command to Increase Our YouTube Views (Jun 16th)
How Big Can a Nuke Get? (May 17th)
Granting Access Into Heaven’s Sweet Gates (Feb. 24th)
We Put an Apple Watch in a Rock Tumbler (Jul. 3rd)
Whom Would Eat Whomst First in a Zombie Apocalypse? (Mar. 29th)
Bigfoot is Real and It Ate My Friend (May 14th)
What is the Most Painful Thing We’ve Ever Endured? (Dec. 21st)
Don’t Go In The Ocean....Ever. (Apr. 28th)
An AI Predicts How We’re Going to Die (Dec. 2nd)
Harnessing Our Yodeling Power to End The World As We Know It (May 21st)
The Creepiest Videos on YouTube (Apr. 16th)
What Does Astrology Say About Our Friendship? (Mar. 12th)
Discovering the Secret to Eternal Life (Feb. 1st)
What Happens When a YouTube Channel Dies? (Jan. 22nd)
5 Weird Apps That Predicted Our Death (Mar. 19th)
Emotional Pain vs. Physical Pain...Which is Worse? (Dec. 28th)
How Tall Can a Human Get?: An Impartial Review By 2 Average Height Men (May 12th)
Will AI Soon Take Over Humanity As We Know It? (Apr. 23rd)
Mark and Ethan Hunt the World’s Most Wanted Criminals (Mar. 17th)
The Illuminati...Do They Really Exist? (Apr. 19th)
We Explore the Most MYSTERIOUS Mysteries of Our Wildly Mysterious Mystery Moon of Mystery (Apr. 29th)
Two Male Men Judge Female Women On Their Beauty (Apr. 26th)
We Have the BEST Thumbnails on YouTube and No One Can Tell Us Otherwise (Jan. 5th)
How Much Caffeine Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 18th)
There’s Still Hope… (Dec. 8th)
Unus Annus ASMR (May 9th)
The Worst Kind of Cupping (Nov. 21st)
#unus annus#unus annus ranked#the og list took me three days to compile please appreciate this#markiplier#crankgameplays#unus#annus
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Also, I had no idea who she was, though I have used a few makeup geek products. If she's trying to drum up business for her brand, it's not working. I have no desire to shop from her. If the device has an EWS, then it has network capabilities and probably supports SNMP. This is often on by default with the tag "community" and password "public" (iirc) although I not entirely sure what useful info you can get from SNMP. You can use a Windows cmd program called SNMPWALK and SNMPGET. Indian Muslims follow Islam and its singular god, Allah, and they refer to the Qur'an as their sacred text. Teachings from the prophet Muhammad are central to behavior and codes of living in society, and in India as elsewhere, this means holding Muslim law above all others. Islam arrived in India through Persian, Turkish and Arab conquerors in about the 8th century. All that to say, I know the overwhelming love I felt for my little at 9 months. You wait til you hear I love you for the first time! You hear about wanting to hear MAMA or DADA, but no one ever mentioned I love you. Totally gets you through those especially hard days when they start climbing and jumping and turning into tiny tornadoes!. But you should beware of overusing that stress response. Eventually it will backfire. It will make you more susceptible to illness and even less productive in the long haul.. Somehow calling this guy an idiot feels so good, "guess what idiot, you suck too" it just feels right. Also sidenote, inserting fandom into dumb stuff has gotten so irritating even though i know these people are just looking for a way to express what they love and find a community at large but it makes me sigh with annoyance (like when any marvel actor is in another film, especially with another marvel actor, they have to be like "i cant believe happy is cooking for black widow") am i becoming a curmudgeon, i 순창출장샵 used to do the same things in middle schoolPersonally I think it the whole tumblr model that does it. The way it formatted (correct me if I wrong, I have never personally had a tumblr account), reblogging with a caption is much like taking a meme format and adding new text. She did not deny that Mr. Macallan had admired her in the days when they were both single people. But there was no further expression of that feeling when she had married another man, and when he had married another woman. It controlled everything in my life. I had to let it go for me and my loved ones. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Even 6 SCU still 순창출장샵 makes Avenger Titan far more attractive. It $15 cheaper and has a bed.It should be direct competitor to Avenger Titan. With main difference in flight capabilities. Nevada ranch once owned by Bing Crosby on market for $7.3MA northeastern Nevada ranch once owned by Bing Crosby is for sale for $7,280,000. The Elko Daily Free Press reported last week that the Lawson Ranch was one of several properties the late singer and movie star owned in the area in the 1940s and 1950s. ESTUS construction spending drops 0.6 percent in December but spending for the year hits new record. Really torn on this. Depends entirely on how our FO views things moving forward. If signing Dallas means we will not pursue one of the aces next winter, I do not want him. We should wonder about their history, their creativity, their values, and their beliefs. We should be curious about how influential they could be to the people in their lives and how much positive change they could bring to our world. As we look into their eyes, we should see the depth and breadth of character that lies beneath instead of making premature conclusions about them based on their appearance.
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True story time! Mostly depressing, but some sexy stuff happens.
An evening of firsts
CW: Depression, explicit sexual content, internalized fatphobia, severe self-loathing & insecurity, STDs, uhhh, and if you think of something else that belongs here, please let me know so I can add it.
I’m giving my friend the pseudonym Leeta because she is, in fact, smoking hot, and she spent some time working as a burlesque dancer.
Before we get to the juicy details, the plodding backstory!
Late summer, 2002, Brooklyn, NY. It was my second year of renting a bedroom in a 4-story brownstone house near what is now referred to as the Atlantic Barclay’s Terminal. I was 23 years old and feeling somewhat secure in my place in the city again. I had a full time job, a relatively short commute, and had some spending money. I was thinking about “thinking about” dating. Spent some downtime at work looking at the Onion’s personals site, and realizing that there’s no way any of the women there would find me interesting (the dull personality persists).
One of the other rooms in the house had become vacant, and so Leeta applied. She was a 20 year old student at a nearby college. Imagine, if you will, Christina Hendricks’ physique and complexion. Morph Christina Hendricks’s face about 1/3 of the way to Kristen Schaal’s face, and you now can imagine Leeta perfectly.
The landlady had one major rule for the house: no fucking. She’s not getting any, so no one else is, either. Anywhere else, fine, just not here.
That was a rule I had no problem obeying. Hindsight tells me I had a reason to break that rule many times over. But we’re not there yet in the story.
Leeta and I became close friends. We’d watch movies together, hang out a bit after work/school, whatever. When the landlady went away on vacation, Leeta would platonically share my bed. If it was summer, I had the A/C. Winter, an electric blanket. The first time, I asked if I could cuddle with her. She found this endearing and consented. After a few minutes, she said “you’re not very good at this; where’s your legs?”
“To be embarrassingly honest, I’ve never been this close to anyone before, and I’m completely aroused. You didn’t sign up to deal with that.”
She grabbed a spare pillow to put between us, I got closer, and we fell asleep. So that was our relationship. Caring, affectionate, with some teasing here and there about my utter lack of experience. We supported each other when we had romantic prospects.
A year later, the landlady decided to retire and sell the house. We moved out, went our separate ways, hanging out once in a while. I still had all kinds of feelings for her, but never made them known. We went to the movies once, and she did the “yawn, stretch, arm around the shoulders” thing to me. I blushed, smiled, and held her hand. At dinner afterward, she showed me a portfolio booklet that she had modeled for. The cover was a picture of her, nude, laying in a bathtub. Just full frontal everything. I lost the capacity to speak for a few minutes. Upon recovering, I managed to compliment how the angle, composition, and lighting perfectly captured her delectable curves. We hung out a few more times, but eventually lost touch for a couple of years.
I was dealing with depression, anxiety, and self-loathing. I got back into the habit of eating my feelings. There was someone else I was developing a friendship with, who seemed to be interested in more, but by the time I figured that out, she had moved on to another guy in our circle of friends. I was devastated and miserable and withdrawn and just completely fucking hated myself. At this point, I was working second shift and the idea of dating was HARD. There were attempts, but I never knew what to say or do. My inbox was always empty. On a whim, at the end of 2006, I emailed Leeta to see what she was up to.
A week later, she responded: “Call me.”
And so I did! We agreed that she’d meet me at my job the next day around 7 PM, because we’d be alone by that time of day. I reminded her that my boss has an unpredictable habit of leaving work at 6, going home from Manhattan to New Jersey for a few hours, and then returning for no apparent reason.
Leeta showed up at just the right time and we greeted each other with a warm hug. We caught up on what she had been up to. She got on my computer and pulled up a website with pics of her at work, dancing in various states of undress. I tactfully complimented her, and eventually she changed the subject to me. I explained why I was in a bad way.
She took my hand, and lead me to the day-glow orange IKEA foldout couch, and sat me down. She turned away from me and began dancing. Then she sat on my lap and started grinding.
“Leeta, despite what you can feel through our pants...if this is out of pity, I don’t want it.”
She got up, turned around, mounted me face to face, took off her shirt, pulled her breasts out of her bra, and pulled my head to her chest. Hearing and feeling her heart beat, I kissed my way up to her collarbone, neck, and face. When I got to her lips, she hesitated. Her fingers ran through my hair as I held her other hand, and I asked her to please kiss me back.
28 goddamn years old, and begging for my first kiss.
After a moment, she did. Deeply, passionately. Her tongue surprised me, becoming a tornado around my own while she went back to grinding and groping me. She sat up a little, pushed my face between her breasts, and I worshipped them for what felt like either an eternity, or 0.68 seconds. I could have spent the rest of the night doing so, but my attention was eventually needed elsewhere.
“Mmmm, I’m wet. Here, feel.”
I obliged, because I’m a dutiful scientist. It’s really difficult to reach down someone’s jeans when they’re sitting on your lap. She unbuttoned and unzipped, and I was able to verify her condition.
We stood up. I pulled out and unfolded the couch while she took off her shoes & pants. She laid down and I got on top, kissing and licking from her head down to her toes, pausing briefly at her hips to slowly pull off her underwear. On my way back up, she opened her legs and guided my hand. I’d seen enough educational porn to understand what she wanted. I “come hithered” until she couldn’t take it any more, slurped her juices from my fingers, and went right back at it. By the 7th or 8th time, she was convulsing and grabbing at me. We kissed as she came down from the high. She got up on her knees, bent over and proclaimed, “I like it rough. Spank me?” I admired, caressed, squeezed, kissed, licked, and finally spanked her glorious ass. I moved to a better angle so I could finger and spank at the same time. I don’t get the whole pain/pleasure thing, but she certainly enjoyed herself.
It was then that Leeta noticed that I was still fully clothed. Not even slightly unbuttoned. I was (am) terribly uneasy about being naked with anyone, even with someone who wanted me. My face and body look like sacks of potatoes, and I felt unworthy of proceeding further. On top of that, I didn’t want to lose my virginity in my office, surrounded by dust and fumes, where my boss could return at any moment and I’d lose my job.
Unfortunately, she internalized my insecurity. “Is it because I’m ugly?” she asked.
“I’m the ugly one here. I’m so grateful to be with you, but this place is disgusting, my boss could be here soon, and I don’t have a condom. Your place or mine?”
“I can’t, I have to go to work.”
“How much do you need for tonight’s shift? I can cover you. Please, I want to be with you.”
“That’s not it; if I don’t show up, they won’t let me come back.”
I gathered up her clothes and “helped” her get dressed, kissing her all over. When she was ready to go, we embraced and made out for another minute. She proposed a FWB situation, to which I agreed.
Looking back, I realize this was out of insecurity, and she possibly wanted more. If she had asked, I would have said yes. I just didn’t know better at the time.
I let her go, and texted her as she left the building. “You’re wonderful, I can’t wait to see you again.”
I finished my shift uninterrupted, went home floating, and did some...“scientific research”.
I didn’t hear from her for weeks. The first week, I texted her every day. The messages quickly transitioned from Thirsty to Worried. After getting no response, I gave up.
Another week or so passed, and I sent a “I miss you, I hope you’re okay” text.
Finally, a response: “I have herpes.”
“Funny! Seriously, it’s ok if you don’t want to sleep with me. I can take ‘no’ for an answer.”
“I’m not kidding.”
I was not well. I was sad and angry, mostly for selfish reasons. I kept it all in, though, figuring she was going through enough stuff. I took her to dinner that weekend, and she explained what happened.
Leeta felt rejected because I didn’t have sex with her in my office. After her shift, she met a guy on the train ride home. He seemed nice. She went home with him, slept with him, spent a lot of time with him. A week later, she was at Planned Parenthood for an exam, pointed to a sore, and asked a nurse, “what’s that?”
She went to the guy, who had no idea. He had been kicked out of a very strict, religious, and anti-science (also, anti-“science”) home at an early age, had no knowledge about, well, anything. She decided to help him get his shit together. We parted that night, and I hugged her for what was probably an inappropriate amount of time.
A few months of friendly texting followed, and eventually Leeta expressed the idea of setting me up with one of her friends. The three of us would meet at a jazz club, with Leeta as a mutual wingwoman. “Denise” was super cute, and we had some common interests. It was awkward at first, but we had a good time. We shared a cab home because we lived on opposite ends of the same neighborhood. Sadly, Denise and I had opposing work schedules, and despite my efforts, we never saw each other again. It was also the last time I saw or heard from Leeta.
I have missed her ever since. But more selfishly, I miss the way I felt when I was with her. With Leeta, I never felt any kind of pressure to work and earn her affection; it was just there, and I reciprocated it. I never had a relationship like that since.
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928 Days Later
This post originally appeared as an update across various social media for Spell Saga.
~pre
Eh, ya’ll know I ramble. I don’t fucking like it when people who are too old use new language as if it’s their fucking language, but there is a tl:dr (god, I had to google that) at the bottom of the page if’n yer only interested in the sweet stuff (shipments, deck 2 & the like). But I like stories, and I am--if not old, getting older, so my stories take a long time to wind up and spill out. Longer than they did when I was a kid, anyhow. And much slower than these new youths and their dang emotiji’s or whatever.
all the kids’ talk in hieroglyphics
It’s good for feelings but not specifics
~1
It all comes down to choices, really. I remember when I was younger--I was very newly 20, and barely 13 in most of my head--I remember I was homeless, not like, starving homeless (though sometimes I was) and not like, sleep under a bridge homeless (I had the couches of friends, and their friends, and my barely-met acquaintances, though no one seemed to own an air conditioner that Summer. One dude shall remain nameless, as I’m fairly certain he might be a super bad guy. He was never around anyway so I used to listen to his CD collections and spread my Star Wars figures around his house (13, remember, 13). I remember he had a box set of Joy Division, and I became obsessed with this one really fast version of “Love Will tear us Apart”. I used to listen to that in the Summer heat and walk around the house naked looking for something to eat. It was really years later that I realized I had lost my mind.
I had made the choice to stop taking my meds regularly. And then some other choices, as my mind spiraled without that ketracel-white. After what some would say was an alarming series of ordinarily dysfunctional life, my parents made the choice to kick me out. I have had to make a lot more choices since then.
here is a pic of me from around that time with original french toaster: Paxson of Ashgarden.
~2
Where are your fucking packages?
~3
I know that there are some people who keep in touch with me regularly and have a better idea of what’s been going on. And I also know there are others who backed this project 2 and a half years ago and think it’s dead, or i’ve been trolling everyone with shipping dates.
~4
I was at a restaurant. I was not a customer. I had just spent three days straight and about 30 hours running around mopping up drinks. By Sunday, I’m usually on my third double, and it hurts to stand, or run up the stairs with trays of food. (who puts stairs in a restaurant)? But I was feeling pretty good about myself, having made it through one more death sentence of a weekend. I took the job to pay for Spell Saga when some other stuff fell through (like, uh, all our plans, & people abandoning the project). Each Sunday usually ends with me depositing a wad of cash into an ATM and then passing out on my couch surrounded by boxes of a fantasy card game. It is not a bad life, if not a little embarrassing. Also this particular Sunday it was tornado weather and I got to watch an entire porch of rich people get fucking destroyed. I was soaked and running around collecting plates being thrown on the wind. Inside I sat down next to people my age, and before long it came time to tell them why I was serving them and not doing something with my life, which is what I always do if I like a table. As it came out, these people were super into games, and Kickstarter, and anything I could possibly like. I had a used deck in my car that I grabbed for them and they thanked me and told me I was doing great. It was a real moment for me. What was most important though, was the stories they told me about other crowdfunded projects, and how much keeping backers up-to-date mattered to them.
~5
Most of my choices about Spell Saga have been insane. Whether good, or bad (there have been both) the choices have been the work of a mad man. That goes for game design as well as business wise. I do not apologize for the game, but man I am fucking trying you guys. And you will have all your shit this year. But it’s taking forever and here’s where we’re at now:
In 2016 I made a plan with my main man J Rizzo to fund a shipment of 300 units, so all of you would get your shit before we finished with all the printing (there were delays due to packaging changes and etc).
Also that year, J Rizz* dropped off the face of the earth, as did most everyone involved with the project, due to various reasons. I took a second job or two and funded the shipment myself. They arrived in July of that year.
*J Rizz and I are cool. We had a very long talk recently that lifetime asked if they could film.
here is a pic of me & paxson of ashgarden & his son! (we are cool too)
I started sending packages out almost immediately, but I had to wait on the mail myself (autographed boxes take some damn time). By the end of the year everything was going smoothly and every. Single. Package. was about to go out by December 31st. What a fucking relief that was.
Then I lost two jobs in a month, and so did my wife. That was around the time the comments started to crop up, “where is my shit” and etc. Which I get. I mean, I don’t leave comments like that, but I get why someone would.
I scrambled and pulled together jobs and money and started sending out packages again. But now there was a problem: It was 2017 and we needed to start thinking about our patient, angelic manufacturer. Right now, they are waiting for us to upload the art to print Deck 2 and pay the deposit on it. Panda Games has been amazing with us. And I’m not saying that I’m paying for everything by working a restaurant--I have other sources of income for this project. But I am putting most of my personal funds towards it this month, just to get it finished quickly.
So in the last month I had to make another choice, in a long line of choices, and not send as many packages out. Everyone in the US who pledged over $25 should have their shit. I sent out a few Internationals, but not many. My ever-shifting goal is that by July everyone has their stuff. But again, I’ve lost two jobs before--shit happens. I used to not want to leave ANY updates because I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. I think looking back that was a bad choice. It was probably also a bad choice to air ship any units over here. The cost alone would have covered the printing of Deck 2. But I like all’a you. Even if you leave a mean comment every once in awhile. And I want everyone to have their stuff. Most of my e n t i r e life revolves around it right now.
~6
More choices have been made since the last update. We are printing new packaging for deck 1 and the prelude deck (which means everyone will at least have a fancy zero edition package from those we air-shipped last July--only 301 ever made)! We are also printing deck 2 AND it has it’s very own super-cool holofoil sleeve. But that’s not even the most exciting shit for me.
Cousin Lauren and I are finishing it up. That’s right. It’s happening. She is illustrating a picture for the front of deck 2’s box (I have been dreaming for years it would match the minstrel/lover pic we use on deck 1) and then she’s illustrating a picture for deck 3’s box.
We aren’t printing deck 3 at the moment. But it’s going to happen. So in the meantime, she’ll be spending the next month getting all the art for deck 3 and the ending finished (as soon as I finish writing her an art list).
And THAT’S NOT ALL. Lauren is going to be working on the art for the a new realmwalker deck you may remember called The Discordant Shore. It is the deck that includes copies of all the homemade Paladin Cards you will be receiving this year.
I don’t want to get too into details on this one just yet, but you play as a girl named Brell, who is also named Scaradh. And it’s an adventure so unlike the highlands you will be surprised at where it takes you. Here is a pic of some character descriptions I sent Lauren:
~7
When I’m not trying to NOT vomit because I am cleaning up a table, or worrying about you, or reading wonderful or disparaging comments in between cleaning up tables and worrying, I have been very hard at work on the next Spell Saga release: 1.5 The Under Sky. This DECK is like 2 games in one. You can use it between decks one and two, or use it as a new deck one. The design of this thing has destroyed me. I had to Photoshop the cards as I was making it because the ideas became so complex. It’s all about The Last Minstrel, but it’s also about how this process of making the game has been. Everything has taken so long, and a part of me is sort of dead inside. But I think maybe that part was supposed to die. In it’s place I have found a new type of strength to make things no matter what.
~8
This December is the 8th anniversary of when I first designed Spell Saga. In my head, there is a sort of countdown clock (198 days as of this posting). When the clock in my head strikes zero, my plan is that everyone will have everything. every. Thing. And then I’ll never work in a restaurant again.
~epi
Spell Saga continues to dominate my life. As do other things. My band just finished recording everything except the vocals on our first LP, another project that took longer than expected. And I wake up nearly every morning and try to spend at least an hour working on The Novel that has consumed a decade of my life. My plan is that once everyone has their shit, I will pay to have decks 3 and the ending printed, and then we will Kickstart them to recover costs and make sure everyone who wants one sees it. I don’t give a shit about money. I don’t care if I ever make a goddamn cent on this game. It’s all going to end up going back into it anyway. Ii just want to finish the story. And now we can. I hope, regardless of how you feel or think about me, you will want to finish it to.
-mE.
913 days since the kickstarter started.
TL:DR
-packages still going out
-no you have not missed yours
-deck 2 the forest being printed with holofoil sleeve
-deck 3 the caves being illustrated / finished
-deck 4 the ending being illustrated / finished
-deck 1.5 the under sky nearly finished
-realkwalker ~ the discordant shore being illustrated / finished
-paladin level cards part of discordant shore
-everyone will have everything this year
-most will have everything by july
-life is hard but good
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