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bbarican · 2 years

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life updates • 02/02/2022

finally got some time to just sit down and pour my thoughts out on here and there is a lot on my mind right now so if you want to take a peak at what has been going on in my life since the start of the year until now, then feel free to read on

work:

our alabang project is done and im so so so happy with how it turned out! im super proud of myself too for basically overseeing the whole project for the majority of the time we were handling it and im just really glad my boss and senior are proud of and thankful for my help too!

still adjusting a bit to the fact na ako lang talaga naghahandle ng 2 residential projects na iniwan sakin ng senior ko now kasi sobrang busy ng boss ko; i know for a fact na i can handle it naman, i just really need to get my shit together and organize everything para im not so lost sometimes

i need to clean and organize my desktop tomorrow; kalat kalat kasi files from last month

i also need to start making to do lists more often and writing on my planner more often as well para naman mas organized yung thoughts and tasks ko per day also para hindi sayang planner ko

medyo hindi ko na ulit nagawa yung sa design ng condo ng tita ko only because hindi naman rushed yung project kasi nga nag spike yung cases so hindi naman niya priority ang construction now pero since its been a while plus the cases are starting to decrease na ulit, i have to speed things up in terms of my progress of that unit design

personal:

its official - magrereview na ulit ako for the board exam this july and nasabihan ko na din boss ko this morning about it; might take up part time from march to april depende if kakayanin but if not sabihan ko lang naman daw boss ko if gusto ko na mag full leave

im really excited to start studying again and hopefully even squeeze in a good work out routine either before or after review classes; here's to finally losing weight hopefully!

i also want to have a side line during my review season kasi i still want to earn kahit na nagrereview ako so ill probably think of a side hustle along the way

cooking and cleaning really is the best stress relievers for me; i made dinner tonight and it was amazing plus it made me feel so calm and seeing my family genuinely enjoy the food just makes me feel so happy too

im just really excited to have a new routine once mag start yung review classes

im also almost done with people we meet on vacation by emily henry and i will defo post a review about it soon! tapusin ko lang yung book tonight kasi super konti nalang naman natitirang chapters/pages

goal ko talaga this year is to save money and learn how to spend it wisely

but at the same time, im so excited to buy new notebooks kasi lahat ng notebook ko na gamit ko back it 2020 halos puno na eh

family:

thankfully we're all safe at home and when we get the chance to, we all go out for quick trips out of town for brunch and stuff like that pero ofcourse we still stay safe no matter what

im excited for holy week kasi we usually go to the beach to spend the holiday there and i can just see myself now - just sitting by the beach and reading till the sun is already setting infront of me

im also excited kasi baka may plans yung parents ko for an out of town trip for their 26th wedding anniversary so fingers crossed na hindi na hassle umalis by then

i miss my kuya a lot; i like how he really calls me up just to annoy me, makes me feel like he's just in the other room, bored out of his mind, when he's actually at the other side of the world

im just eternally grateful to be this close to my family

but at the same time, im always working on myself and trying to be a better daughter and sister everyday

friends:

i miss chie and jed and noel; si chevy okay lang kasi nag sama naman kami ng matagal sa la union but either way i miss all of them so much

noel is sick AGAIN and its worrying me and chevy pero hopefully he recovers kaagad kasi syempre and hassle since hindi naman siya gaano kaclose sa family niya

i miss going out with my friends and just having coffee and talking about whatever we can come up with and laughing at how stupid we actually are

i also want to meet new people! if youre reading this and we dont talk at all or we dont talk often, please send me a message! i would love to get to know you more!

yung anon na ka pair ko sa note it, he or she is really cute and super ma effort, talagang nagiiwan siya ng notes everytime

food:

super random topic but my current obsession right now? cheesy broccoli YUP YOU READ THAT RIGHT i love broccoli and when you put salt, pepper, and parmesan cheese on it? CHEFS FUCKING KISS

im craving for pizza so bad you guys as in i want a really cheesy pizza; pepperoni sound really good too

ngayon lang ulit ako nakapag-tim hortons and their stuff is always going to be good in my opinions

im super happy i gave food panda a shot back when i was in quarantine kasi may times ang weird ng grab so food panda is definitely one of my favorite apps as of the moment

lasang taho yung soy milk na ininom ko kanina

pero surprisingly it doesnt make me feel like i have to go to the bathroom right away so ibig sabihin super helpful nga if i do cut down on the dairy

love:

valentines is coming up soon and a part of me is okay with the fact na im just going to be having my annual ritual of cooking myself some food and watching a movie and drinking wine but a bigger part of me really wishes valentines day was different already; flowers lang naman oh lord

super nalungkot ako the other day kasi yung kausap ko sa note it, asked me "why the rush?" in regards to looking for love so parang it made me feel like im desperate eh in the back of my mind, i just really want to be loved genuinely already; is that so wrong?

especially with the fact na my friends are going on relationships that have lasted for years, tapos my other friend got married this week like what the fuck, why cant i have my own story diba?

also when i do attract men naman, sobrang palpak? i matched with this guy i ghosted back then tapos i decided to give him a fucking chance and it was going well for a bit pero tangina sobrang daming red flags: 1. he got upset when i didnt reply right away (only because i was in a car and i get car sick) and 2. he said i love you both on a video call and on chat after a day of talking LIKE GIVE ME A BREAK LORD

this guy naman ive been talking to and i can clearly say na ive fallen for already, its been okay, again we've been on 2 dates already, the convos between us are either meh or super great, tapos when we videocall, ang sweet niya and talagang he knows how to make me feel kilig pero wala eh, ang lungkot kasi hindi pa siya over sa ex niya and i obviously dont want to be a rebound pero god it would be the best thing ever (next to me passing the board exam) if we do work out and try and date more seriously

im gonna buy myself and my mom flowers for valentines day

so yeah, thats it for my life updates!

i hope you guys are doing okay; if youre reading this part of the post, please know na you can message me any time for anything and i will reply as soon as i can

thank you for reading everything! i hope you guys are okay and i hope february treat you well!

#bbarican #prsnl #thoughts #writings #life #love #work #list #recently #updates

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heartjwi · 4 years

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firsts — lee donghyuck

in which you & donghyuck share your first kiss, first fight, your first everything.

a/n: hello its jan the hyuck deprived bitch p.s my apologies on my rusty writing skills 🤓

you and hyuck had an interesting relationship to begin with to say at least

you were the goody two shoes while he was the opposite

he was almost like every bad boy!au created morphed into one

and no he’s not a dickhead or rude he’s just straight up,,, bold

if you exclude the occasional times he would talk back to his teachers and people who would be all over his face of course

anyways

so hyuck obviously had a reputation with girls (as expected of the school’s resident bad boy)

so he was already out of your radar

and vice versa

mainly because of the way his peers described you to him

you just disliked the fact he would be all over the place

to you its so messy and all that shit

in hyuck’s defense he was just being himself

hyuck also disliked the fact you think you’re too good for people like him

WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE IN YOUR PART

you just didn’t want to affiliate yourself with people who create a messy surrounding if you say so yourself

and on one magical day, you had to work with hyuck on some project

thus your little relationship was born

you remember the first time you talked to him and you didn’t expect to hear a honey like voice to come out from a face like his

hyuck was also shocked that you weren’t snobby as people described you to be

so anyway fast forward to the good shit

asking you out has to be the most frustrating, time consuming thing hyuck has ever done

first he had to get the approval of your parents

which took him 4 whole months to get a yes from your dad alone!!!

they just want what’s best for their daughter aka you okay 😤

second, he had to make sure the timing was perfect not only for him, but for you

knowing how meticulous you could get if he asked you out on a holiday or a special event

he’ll never hear the end of it

“if you asked me out on valentines day like almost every couple in the universe does, i don’t want it. i want our anniversary date to be special like it screams ‘us’ you know? so yeah no asking me out on holidays or special occasions” you tell him out of the blue

making him relentless cause he originally planned on asking you out on valentines day

but in the end, it was all worth it

he finally asked you out on august 28

which got him the sweet “yes” he’s been dying to hear after all the blood, sweat and tears he poured into making the day extra special

and now for phase 2: the relationship

the reason why you were a bit too picky on how you wanted your bf to ask you out was mostly based on the fact,,

you never dated anyone

so when you first found out about hyuck liking you, you were,, shocked

like someone ?? actually ?? likes ?? you???

and the fact hyuck was your first real crush and all that cute puppy love shit,,

it was a big deal for you

also the fact hyuck perfected your vision?? your dream date?? chefs kiss

you knew that hyuck had already shared his firsts with someone else

which kinda made you insecure at some point

cs you think the moment won’t really be special to him as it was to you

but WRONG !!!

hyuck was sweating buckets before you had your first real kiss with him

he was like: FUCK WHAT IF I FUCK UP AND SHE BREAKS UP WITH ME

while you were like: I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM DOING

“let me know if you’re uncomfortable, okay? i just want this to be perfect for you and i” hyuck stares deeply into your eyes.

in the end, he guided you into the kiss so you didn’t just puckered your lips and attached it to his

after that vv sweet moment, you were as red as a tomato and hyuck looked like he could explode at any moment

truly a first, you’ll never forget

as your relationship ages like fine wine,

you could not ignore the fights here and there with him

but one fight was something you won’t forget

as it was your real first couple fight

there was a point in time where your whole relationship turned rocky with him

with finals catching up and shit ton of assignments due, academic stress was taking a toll

you were a bit too, snappy towards him and he, donghyuck, with his bratty attitude could not help but let out some few insulting words here and there time to time

anyway

so hyuck, again who already has his own problems to deal with, came to your aid one time as you called him crying and having a mental breakdown over your academics on the phone

he ended up coming over and somehow made it worse for you to deal with cs he was literally giving shit advice

“listen y/n, if i just came for you to push me away then i’ll just get going then” hyuck crosses his arms, not noticing the change of atmosphere in the room

“then fucking leave! i didn’t ask you to see me!” you snap at him

that was the very first time you’ve seen hyuck angry

“so i’m the bad guy now? i hope you know i would fucking drop ANYTHING for you if you needed me!” he yells, making you flinch.

but sis wasn’t backing down without a fight

“who said i needed you right now?” you retort, immediately regretting it right after you see hurt flash in his eyes.

“wait.. hyuck-” you tried calling him but it was too late. he walked out of your apartment without another word.

all night, you were trying to desperately contact him but seems like he turned off his phone

the very next day, you had bags under your eyes after a restless night

you thought of visiting him and ask for an apology but turns out he had the same plans as you do

when you opened your door to go see him,

there he was standing on your doorway with flowers on hand and a paper bag on the other

“hyuck?” “y/n?” you both say at the same time

hyuck notices your under eyes and instantly feels guilty over last night

you immediately hug him and burry your head in his chest. repeatedly saying “i’m sorry”

you feel his grip on you tighten, mumbling “i’m sorry too”

overall

hyuck would be the most patient person in the world when it comes to you

despite him not being used to the slow paced type of relationships,

he really made an effort to be with you and it turned out great

he’s got the most amazing girl in the world (for him) and he wouldn’t want it in any orher way

cause in the end, he knows all his sacrifices, efforts, and everything else,

is all worth it because of you

the end

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daesungindistress · 4 years

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im glad im not the only one who found the truck ad thingy strange.. i mean do people seriously think yg has or will ever give a shit? bc I don't. of course, some staff members might care about bb as people but the company won't? and why do I feel like ot5s are always demanding stuff they don't even know the members want/need? its a nice sentiment i guess but i always get the feeling they don't trust the members somehow? oh well. yb said what he said, i'll take his word for it. it'll be alright.

The project wasn’t what I was expecting -- and by that I mean it wasn’t as BAD as I was expecting -- so I’m not too bothered by it. But it was still embarrassing and IMO reflected poorly on IVIPs as a whole. Because in some ways it was a bit tone-deaf. BB aren’t having activities right now primarily because of COVID, sure, but there is of course another reason why they’ve been keeping things on the down low since last year and giving their image time to slowly recover. You know who. He is so hated by Korea at the moment that the Korea Subway Transportation Corporation refused an ad for BIGBANG bearing his name and face not because he isn’t a member of the group anymore but because he’s considered “immoral”. So, what do OT5 IVIPs do? Go and put him in a paid ad for BIGBANG demanding protection against hate. Aimed at YG, no less, who he no longer has a contract with 🤦 “Foreign roaches should read the room,” one knetizen commented. Yeah, some of us can. OT5s can’t. I swear these people wake up every day with the goal of finding new ways to get the guys dragged.

In another recent fan project (Fanplus) a fanmade OT4 poster was selected to celebrate BB’s upcoming 14th anniversary in Korean subway stations. OT5s raged online and bombarded the company with hate to the point where Fanplus issued a statement politely requesting that fans stop sending them profanity. This made the news in Korea, by the way. These fans ran amok on Twitter, plotting to sabotage the project (yes that’s the word they used), promising to vandalize the displays, and threatening to tear them down. Y’all. Who needs antis when you’ve got fans like that? Ironically, these OT5s don’t seem to realize they’ve become the very thing they’re asking YG to protect BB from.

And no, they don’t trust the members in the slightest. If they did they would stop screaming at them about Seungri daily and trying to strong-arm them into giving them what they want. They would stop baiting them into making statements about him... then manipulating, misinterpreting, and mistranslating their words when what they get isn’t quite what they were hoping for. They would see the foolishness of slapping his face on promotional posters and would think twice about demeaning the members by placing him front and center. If they truly trusted BB they would stop shoving him on them, where he no longer belongs, and on us, where he’s no longer wanted. They would quit forcing the issue, give up their demands, and simply let it be. Accept what’s happened and what is -- quietly.

If they trusted the members they would also let go of this pretense of concern they’ve been flaunting lately. “We care more about the members’ mental health than a comeback,” they boast, in a seemingly well-meaning but actually backwards attempt to disguise the fact that they’re reluctant (and for some, downright unwilling) to support new material from a four-member BIGBANG. It’s only a nice sentiment until you understand where it’s coming from, this faux caring. They are hoping the guys will lie low a little longer, quietly and uneventfully, their creative energies suppressed until their disgraced ex-member returns from the military and ~rejoins~ them. They’re pushing a tragic narrative that says the members are too depressed and broken to make music without him. Believing they don’t want to come back as four and patting themselves on the back for telling the guys to take it easy until they can be five again. Yeah, that sounds an awful lot like wishful thinking to me, from a group of fans who still, after a year and a half, haven’t come to terms with our new reality. We all know whose mental health they’re really protecting by balking at the idea of new music -- and it ain’t BIGBANG’s.

What’s especially funny about this is -- well, you know those teasers from TOP over the last few days? The clips from the studio with the caption “working,” him spitting lines with a vengeance, dancing in his PJs and looking for all the world like someone who’s ready to take on the stage, and even dropping a “Big Bang,” getting us all stirred up with excitement? He posted those just as these “we’re not asking for a comeback because we care” arguments were making rounds on Twitter. The timing could not have been better. Thanks, TOP, for serving a reminder to those who’ve forgotten (or have never known) that the most healing thing a creative person can do is keep creating 😘

In short, the truck project was messy, reckless, and unnecessary. And Youngbae’s “Cheer up, guys” that followed, with a fun message about shaking off hate, is all the encouragement I needed, personally, to keep believing good things are on the horizon for BIGBANG. I trust they know what they're doing. All there is for us to do is be there for them when the time comes. Until then, we wait.

#bigbang #ask #anon #had to write this twice lol #because the tumblr app is shit and ate my post when I tried to post it #it had been so long since I typed out a lengthy post on the app... I forgot how unpredictable it can be #sigh

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bangtansfavwriter · 4 years

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💘bangtan as boyfriends: jungkook💘

-oh my god this soft boy

-still can't quite believe you guys are dating and sometimes still blushes very heavily when you kiss him

- it took ages for him to ask you out and he probably wouldn't have done it without a pep talk from seokjin who hyped him up before you and jungkook went on a date together

- he was so timid and tripped over his words a lot, so when you asked "are you saying we should start dating?" he went "oh my god yES PLS"

-he know tells everyone that you asked him out first bc "the golden maknae of bts, bangtan sonyeondan, behind the scene, world's best band tbh has to be asked out"

seokjin: makes sense, bc said golden maknae looked like he was gonna pass tf out before you two met

jk: .. hyung why you.... I asked y/n out!

seokjin: lies

you: he did... kinda

seokjin: LIES

jk: I find your lack of faith disturbing, hyung..

seokjin: nerd 😚

jk: 😔✊🏼

- a nerd indeed, but cuteee

- very loyal, it already took him long enough to call you his, so he sure af won't give you up

- also very selfless, he loves helping you out with whatever you need help with... even when you don't ask for it

- like when you had a project due and you were stressing out about it bc you had no time for anything else and stuff... he was really worried you'd skip meals to do your work, so he made sure that you'd eat by either coming to your place or calling/texting you, whenever he couldn't come over personally

-he was afraid he'd bother you while you do your work so he was always very cautious but you reassured him it's fine

-but you felt bad bc you couldn't talk much while doing your work... he looked at you and smiled: "it's ok, I'll write some lyrics maybe.. and you do you. we'll give each other strength with our presence, alright?" he started laughing when you got up and cozied up to him. you spent the next 10 mins cuddling, as this was the only reasonable thing to do after he was being so sweet. "so much for no distractions, hm?"

- you still got your work done btw, so no worries

- movie nights are a huge thing for you two, your range is broad af but mostly consists of marvel, disney and studio ghibli. he has a thing for 80s movies tho, felt ferris bueller on a personal level

- cried when he watched the princess diaries for the first time and will end u if anyone hears about it

-rather savage irl but he cries during some movies, especially when he's tired, he gets emotional and even whiny

- for example: he was very sleepy when you first watched the mandalorian together and you swear he started weeping when he first saw baby yoda and he's been obsessed ever since btw

- very thoughtful and caring

- remembers the smallest things about you, will bring you your fav ben&jerry's when you feel down and enjoys the fact that you look at him like the saint he is

- also memorizes your habits and reads your body language so well that it still surprises you even after all the time you've been dating

-you poke his cheeks on any given occasion and kiss his nose, he's not quite sure why but he enjoys it too

- his hugs are just warm ... they make you feel like everything will be ok

- many pancake mornings together

- will never ever forget any birthday or anniversary, he once did tho and he still beats himself up about it but he was busy as hell during that time so you were ok with it in hindsight (which was greatly appreciated bc he truly felt awful)

- very down-to-earth, it doesn't have to be all fancy with him, he's doing just fine with netflix and ramen

- your personal laundry fairy

- looots of laughter and giggles with this one, always cracking jokes

- you guys have like 48394 insides jokes

you: hey.. hey

jk: ?

you: second goose right left

jk: LMAOOOOO WOFT

you: LMAOOO

jk and you: -dying-

rm: this sounds like some terror code

hobi: or a stroke

- sends u memes at 3am, his go-to are kermit memes as reaction memes, he sometimes forgets to use actual words tbh

you: kook, i can't come over today, working late :( but tomorrow is fine tho, you free ?

jk: -kermit crying under the shower meme-

you: jungkook, words pls

jk: oh sorry babe, yeah im free 🤗

- either uses the cutest nicknames or the weirdest which are pretty cute when he explains it (like left shark "bc you stand out")

- displays of 'strong manly man' when he picks you up, and spins you around only to kiss you --- displays of 'babie boy's when pouts until you give him attention or your last pockys ("we can share, you know 👀" - "oh worm? 👀")

- a true romantic deep down, he once surprised you when he decorated your entire house with candles and flowers bc he knew you had a tough time and you legit just started crying. he was overwhelmed for a sec but knew this was just bottled up emotions and relief coming through so he just smiled and hugged you until you calmed down."it's alright, love... let me take care of you." you nodded and smiled at him, while wiping your tears away. "you're the sweetest, you know that?" - "well, obviously. but fire safety was never my forte, so let's be careful, ok?" he said and you both started laughing.

-sings to you very very often, get used to it, even when you're not right next to him you can still hear him humming from afar and it makes always makes u smile

-you two are fiercely competitive, there is no "it's just a game"... you guys play mario, sonic, rayman etc and there's always a whole lot of screaming

-there was a time namjoon jin got so fed up with this that he took the playstation away (+ mario kart) and jungkook and you had to find other gaming options

-some examples of truth or dare sessions between you (in the safety of your own home):

you: i dare you to dance to begin

jk, in his pyjamas: wha- ... no!

you: truth it is, then. what was the dumpling incident about?

jk: nevermind, I'll do the dance.

you: squeeze the ketchup bottle empty with your thighs.

jk: ?????? jesus, you take your kinks to a whole knew level. choose something else, the stains will be nasty as hell.

you: wear booty shorts👀

jk: you wants thighs and booty, huh? 👀

you: you bet 👀👀

(a blessed day for u tbh)

jk: babe, i dare you to dance to fire.

you: ?????? well, I can try, but you should get me an inhaler, my lung capacity may not suffice for this

(jungkook laughed so hard when did it that he was the one that needed an inhaler)

-takes lots and loots of pics of you when you're together and of the location you went together , posts the view on twitter sometimes and jokes about you two being official (to fans) without really being official

- you two go on walks together, have coffee shop dates, go to concerts (and go fckn feral when u go see iu), visit art galleries where you mostly imitate everything and touch things you shouldn't touch, go to karaoke places ... and you also do art together! that was actually his idea were he bought a shitload of acrylic paint and huge linen sheets and you had your first painting date, which has become a tradition ever since.

- something that jungkook absolutely loves and appreciates is that you guys never run out of topics to talk about

-the intellectual stimulation he gets from you is pretty much unmatched and that's also something that made him realise he's into you before you started dating

- 2 sides of the same coin: smart, charming and kind // absolute crackhead (remember the vid with his goggles? vids like that are now your exclusive content from yours truly)

- once chased down chickens when you visited a village together and ran away screaming when a huge ass rooster chased after him ( u filmed it ofc)

- lives for dramatics, gains new life power on Halloween when you two do shenanigans on bighit's annual party

- he loves the fact that you're still a child at heart and that you're not too stuck up to scare hobi and jin with michael myers masks on (but you did feel pretty bad about it when hobi almost fainted)

- you're super savage when you want to be and he loves it when you are... ngl... you being assertive and all kinda turns him on lmaoo

-your green card to get him to laugh whenever was saying "you sexy beast" and he'd forget whatever issue you were having before, as long as it wasn't something too important obviously

-loves you show you off, especially when you guys are all dolled up and ready for a night out "look at us being all sexy and shit, like, how dare we look this hot, jimin-hyung hates it when someone looks hotter than him" - "hmmm kook, imagine if I'd have jimin as my date today, the place would burn up" - "...." - "kook, i was joking..." - "right shark" - "I WAS JOKING BABY" - "........say it. you know the deal." - "i would rather die" - "go hang with hyung then, i'm gonna stay home" - "you...." -

👀👂 - "YOU SEXY BEAST" - jungkook laughed until he couldn't breathe when yoongi, who just passed by you two, and you stared at each other, completely mortified. you: how to unsay things... / yoongs: how to unhear things/ jk: -on the floor and in dire need of an inhaler"

- you couldn't face yoongi the whole night, whereas jungkook occasionally stared down jimin who had no clue what the heck was going on and munched on some appetizers

- jealousy is not a big thing for him but he still doesn't quite like it when someone is too touchy with you

- he trusts you, absolutely no doubt about that or he wouldn't have even entered a relationship with you, as he has high standards about who to let into his life, especially with potential lovers

-that's why everyone knew you guys were serious about each other and it was hardly surprising that you got to meet his family shortly after you guys started dating (his mother loved you btw)

-has like 200 pics of the day you met gureum

- an absolute sucker for you, you could say you want the n seoul tower to flicker in purple and pink lights and he would get it done somehow

- very sensitive to touches so ......👀

- loves your room bc he says it always smells like your lotions and laundry

- you sometimes surprise by setting the mood with some smooth music and nice fragrances and the world comes to a halt for him, it's just him and you

-shower him in affection and he's putty in your hands, legit, when he first performed euphoria and did the high note at the end you spammed tf outta your messenger and hyped him up and he actually got so hype he jumped around backstage after the concert and sprinted to you when he saw you, twirled you around and, for the first time, kissed you while the guys were there

-he still gets teased about it tho, but he doesn't really care bc your support means the world to him and he values it too much to care about the guys

-you guys went home that night and he serenaded you while you were cuddling. you guys started talking about songs, especially your favourites. you got sleepy when he started talking about 'home' and softly sang it to you, until he realised you dozed off. he smiled to himself and caressed you hair, as you had layed your head onto his chest. admiring your sleeping figure, closely entangled with his broad frame, he said to himself: "this is home..."

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bestillmyslashyheart · 4 years

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The Red Name pt 4

part one || part two || part three

The bed was cold when Michael woke up. The sun was high in the sky and Alex was long gone. All that was left in the whole cabin were the sheets on the bed and Michael’s phone on Alex’s pillow. The notification light was blinking and Michael already didn’t care about what anyone had to say to him right now.

He unlocked it anyway when he saw the new email icon. He never got emails.

It was from Alex.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

We should’ve talked. That was always our problem, if we’re honest. Too much sex and not enough talking.

I’m glad we didn’t though. You were right, we’d just make each other sad and angry and that’s not how I wanted to spend my last night with you. Because that’s what it was. Regardless of what happens on my deployment, we both know this thing between us is in the past and it’s time I gave up and moved on like you’ve managed to do.

Over the last two years I wrote you a lot of emails. Basically whenever I wanted to talk to you but couldn’t I’d write an email. I’m not sure why I’m doing this now but I just sent all of them to you. You can read them or delete them, it’s up to you, I guess.

I love you. That hasn’t changed and it never will.

Goodbye Michael.

Michael blinked away the sudden tears that sprung to his eyes. For all that he’d shoved Alex away over the last few years and flaunted the fact that he could move on, Alex telling him goodbye broke his heart. Michael wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point. It felt like one thing after another just piled on until there was no hope left. He wanted to fix it, even when he’d been with Maria part of him had wanted to fix it, he just didn’t know how. And now it was too late.

Rereading the email, he spotted the part about new emails and quickly exited out of that one. And there they were. Michael scrolled down to find the oldest one but it was impossible to tell. They didn’t seem to be in any particular order so he just clicked one and then another and then another.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you at the Pony today. You looked like shit. Have you been sleeping? Eating? Or are you just existing on alcohol and acetone?

I hope it’s making you feel better because it’s not helping anyone. Not your sister, who really needs you right now by the way, not me, not Maria, and certainly not Max.

I wish you’d let me help you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You drive me crazy sometimes you know that? First, you want nothing to do with me or Project Shepherd. And now it’s all you care about. Well, Project Shepherd at least. You still don’t seem to want anything to do with me.

Am I suddenly that repulsive to you? Because of my father? Fuck him. Seriously, Guerin, fuck. him. Don’t let him do this to us.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You could’ve at least done me the courtesy of telling me you were dating Maria instead of letting me find out by walking in on you two.

Fuck you Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You need to pull yourself together. Your sister is drowning and she needs you and you don’t even notice. Liz and I should not be the ones keeping her afloat. She needs her brother, dammit.

If only I could get you to stay in the same room as me for longer than 2 seconds

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if you’re oblivious or stupid or just plain cruel

I get it, okay. You moved on. You’re happy. I’m happy you’re happy but I really don’t need a front row seat to you sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat okay? Would it kill you to cool it on the pda?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Max is back. You weren’t there.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m drunk. I shouldn’t bother with this it’s not like you’re going to read it anyway but I’m drunk and I’m lonely and it’s my birthday

Ten years apart and you never missed my birthday but now that I’m back you can’t be bothered? I want to be mad at you but I’m too sad to be mad

What did I do wrong Michael? Why are you doing this?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You ever throw something anywhere near the vicinity of Maria again and I swear to god I will knock you on your ass

Don’t touch her. Don’t even get close. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s the anniversary of Caulfield and I don’t want you to be alone but you won’t let me near you

I hope you told Maria what day it is or Isobel or someone. I hope you’re not alone.

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You look happy

I miss you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I never thought of us as having an anniversary, not really, but if we had one it would be today

I was ready, Michael. I was fucking ready dammit. Why’d you have to pick then to finally be the one to walk away? I mean I know I deserved it after all the times I left you but your timing sucks.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got my new posting. Also got new orders to deploy. I’m leaving Roswell and I don’t think I’m coming back this time

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You came by today. I’m pretty sure it's the first time you’ve been out here since you told me in no uncertain terms that we were done. You wanted more info on Project Shepherd, on the Alighting that Noah mentioned. You could barely look me in the eyes. It was like I was just a colleague and not even one you particularly liked that much and it hurt.

I get that we’re never going to be together but why can’t we be friends? Is it really that impossible? We’re either fucking or not looking each other in the eye? No in between? That’s bullshit

Why do you get to decide everything? When do I get a say in this? What if I want more? Do you even care what I want?

Don’t answer that. It’s pretty fucking obvious you don’t.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I had lunch with Liz and Rosa and Maria today. It was awkward and painful. I’ve never hated you before but I think I hate you for fucking up my friendship with Maria. She was all I had for years and now it’s ruined because of you

Be happy with her. Make it worth it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s not your fault. Me and Maria I mean. We fucked that up all on our own and neither one of us have really tried to fix it. You played a part, yeah, but don’t blame yourself for this too. You put too much on yourself already, you shouldn’t add this to it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You make a beautiful couple

Better than we ever did. Not that we were ever a couple. Not like you and Maria

We wouldn’t have worked right? That’s why you left? Because we would’ve crashed and burned?

Merry Christmas Michael

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

For someone who got angry every time I mentioned the Air Force you really didn’t seem to care that I re-upped. I don’t know what to make of that.

I’m going to protect you Michael, I promise. My father will never get his hands on you or your family ever again.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Why can’t I get over you? I’ve tried fucking other guys, dating other guys, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve never been able to get over you. I don’t know why I thought now would be any different.

All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Full disclosure - I’ve had a lot to drink. Liek a lot

Did you know that your people essentially mate for life? Yep. Turn 30 and the true essence of your heart will reveal itself on your skin and name the person you love most. It will stay there forever. Cant be cut off or inked over. Cant change neither. Once its there its there

Your turning 30 in a few months

I wont survive seeing her name on you i wont

I filed papers for a transfer today. Project Shepherd is basically dead and by the time the transfer comes through it will be really dead and i cant stay here anymore im not strong enough. I need to be not here when her name comes

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Its my name. Fucking hell Michael its MY name??

What the fuck have the last two years been if its mY FUCKING NAME?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It hurt before when i thought you’d truly moved on but this? Oh this takes the cake

You love me. More than LITERALLY anything. And you still dont care enough to be with me

This is…

You should’ve left me in Caulfield and just saved yourself

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You left a birthday present in my car. Why?

Thank you

I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Her name is Mara.

She used to sing to the other prisoners when they were scared. She had such a beautiful voice.

You won’t let me tell you about her but I think you should know. This was your mother, you should know who she was.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to find out the right way. I really am.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I saw you on the street today. You were outside the jewelry store.

I wish you both a long happy life together. You both deserve it.

There were more. So many more. Michael had to stop and pace himself or he’d start breaking things.

It took him weeks to get through all of them. Some made him cry, some made him smash every fragile thing in Max’s house (he owed him new windows), but some made him smile.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I got a dog. Her name is Buffy. If anything happens to her I will kill everyone involved and then myself

Pics attached since I don’t know when I’ll see you.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Wilson’s getting married, can you believe it? I would’ve bet good money he’d die a happy bachelor. It’ll be so good to see the squad again. He invited everyone, even O’Brien.

He’s making me wear a tux, though, no uniforms :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think you’ve cursed me. I used to very happily not give a shit about football fuck you very much

(Eagles made the playoffs fuck yeah)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There’s this new prosthetic prototype the military wants to try out and somehow I landed on the shortlist of candidates to get it

It’s supposed to be so amazing you don’t even know. It’ll be waterproof! I can stand in the shower!

(its the little things sometimes)

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve really fucking missed Rosa. I know you miss your brother and I’m sorry but I never really let myself process how much I missed her

I promise to do everything I can to bring Max back. I owe him one

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa doesn’t like the jacket. She’s gotta go

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m going to LA Pride next week. I’d ask you to come with me but you seem a little busy passing out on the floor of the Pony every night

I’m taking Isobel instead

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve got this new project at work that’s actually really interesting. I keep staying late to work on it and so Project Shepherd is falling behind but fuck Michael I love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

There was a crazy meteor shower last night. You would’ve loved it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

The sunsets out here are unreal. I’ve been in a few deserts and seen a few coasts but nothing, NOTHING, beats this view

Its beautiful

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s cheating on the Wild Pony, I know, but if you go over to Dexter there’s a great little bar that does open mic night on Thursdays.

It’s been a long time since I sang. I’ve missed it. You should come sometimes.

Michael missed out on a lot while he was with Maria. He never wanted to miss those moments again.

In the five weeks it took him to get through all of the emails, no one heard from Alex. He’d warned them he’d be out of touch but it was still jarring. Michael took to driving out to the cabin or bugging Rosa to let him play with Buffy just so he could feel close to Alex.

A week after he finished Alex’s emails he started writing his own.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You’ve been gone six weeks. I miss you. I’m pretty sure I lost the right to say that but I don’t care. I do.

I read all of your emails

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I thought about responding to some of your emails individually but then I thought maybe just one would do it.

I’m sorry. I was a colossal jackass and you didn’t deserve any of it. I never should have blamed you for what your father did. You aren’t him, Alex.

There are only two people in my life that I trust to always be there: Isobel and you. Even when you walked away you always came back and I got used to that, I guess. When everything was spiraling out of control I needed someone to be angry at and I needed it to be someone who wouldn’t leave. Isobel was already going through hell so I picked you. I pushed you away as hard as I could and you stayed. You re-upped to protect me. You stayed in Roswell because you knew I needed you even though I refused to admit it. I put you through hell and you never said a word. Thank you. I should’ve said it a long time ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.

I’m sorry I finally pushed hard enough that you had to leave. Roswell’s your home and these people are your family. When you get back from your deployment you should come home and see them. I can leave if it’ll make it easier for you but you shouldn’t leave them just because I’m an ass.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I think Liz is actually dating both Kyle and Max. I’m also pretty sure Max and Kyle are not dating each other. Sometimes though...how sure are you that Kyle is straight?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I can’t decide if it’s too weird or not weird enough watching my sister and my ex girlfriend try to date.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You said you didn’t love me. Why did you say that if you did?

I don’t know that I would have done anything different but I’d like to think I’d have been more considerate about Maria had I known. I thought you were over me. You said you were.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been three years since Caulfield and I’m alone. One of your emails mentioned that you didn’t want me to be alone but I am. I always am. No one understands. No one can possibly understand.

Kyle gave me a bottle of whiskey this morning. I’m trying to drink less but now that I’ve got a doctor’s seal of approval, I might just need to enjoy it.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I left my mom to die for you. I don’t think I would’ve left for anyone else.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I miss you. I think I’ve been missing you for years but you were right there so I didn’t realize it

Be safe. Come home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’m a little obsessed with my mark ngl

It’s in my own handwriting but I wish it was yours. So it would actually be a piece of you with me

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s crazy. When you were here all I could think about when I saw you was your dad and your brothers and Caulfield. I know it’s not fair and it’s not right but I can’t control it

But now you’re not here. And I look around the cabin and all I see is you making breakfast or burning the popcorn that one night we tried to watch a movie and ended up making out instead. I can’t sleep at the Airstream without thinking of you. Did I ever tell you that you’re the only person I ever brought home? Every other person I ever hooked up I either went to their place or found somewhere else. But not you. You came home with me.

Liz wanted a group outing to the drive in. But I said no. I can’t go there anymore.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

My eyes are burning. Too much naked sister

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

First I see my sister having sex and now my brother’s asking me for gay sex tips

I can’t

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

When we broke up Maria accused me of being with her because I loved her less, because then she couldn’t hurt me. I thought she was crazy but now I think she had a point. I literally just walked in on her in bed with someone else (I’ve completely blocked out the memory of who it was) and it didn’t hurt. I’m just...happy for her. She smiles more these days than she has in a while

It's nothing like when I saw you on a date that one time and had the sudden urge to beat the guy into a bloody mess with my bare hands. It's a nice change of pace

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s been four months since anyone’s heard from you. I hope you’re okay and just not allowed to contact anyone.

Please be okay Alex. I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Some idiot decided to put in a record store on Main St. Who even buys records anymore?

It has open mic night almost every night though. You’d love it

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I seem to have moved into your cabin. Oops

The bed doesn't smell like you anymore :(

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not here and I don’t even know if you’d want to see me if you were but let me just say this:

You’re an asshole and I love it

You care so much about people, about your family (the real one not the jackasses named Manes), and you give so much of yourself for other people I’m constantly in awe of you

You named your dog after a vampire slayer; what a dork (next one should be Faith)

You are the strongest person I know. I put you through hell and you’re still standing and you somehow still love me. I don’t understand but I can’t complain

I miss watching movies with you even if your constant commentary can be annoying as hell

I can’t eat omelets at restaurants anymore, you’ve ruined me for life

Your voice is breathtaking; you should never stop singing

I love you

Happy Valentine’s Day Alex

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Please just tell me when you’re home so I know you’re safe

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rosa has a boyfriend. It’s weird. We can’t talk around him. Too many secrets.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I broke the ship. Most of its still in the bunker but I scattered some pieces around town. The Airstream, Isobel’s, Max’s, the Crashdown, the Pony, other places too

The biggest piece is right here at the cabin. I needed it to be with you

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Jenna’s back

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Happy Birthday Alex

I’m sorry I missed one. I promise not to miss any ever again.

They probably don't have any good cake where you’re at so I’ll just have to take you out for some when you get home

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

I’ve co-opted Buffy from Rosa. She’s not getting her back

Over six months after Alex left, Michael received his first new email.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: YOUR EYES ONLY

You’re unbelievable. Asshole

827 Willowbrook Cir #231

Marlow Heights, MD 20746

P.S. Don’t forget Buffy

#malex fic #rnm #my fic #this one is 100% malex #ch5 will be 0% malex to offset it #next time i decide to format a fic/chapter like this somebody punch me #i've had to reformat it 3 times and im DONE

72 notes · View notes

moonscngsarchive · 3 years

Note

bitch do every single one of our ships u feel like doing for that last meme thank u

i bet u thought i forgot hoe .... u rly thought huh !

ok. .. . . besley first.

who hogs the duvet: beck oof

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: ummmm i feel like neither? i feel like they would eventually become big on letting the other know that they were safe somewhere when they’re apart for some reason ? the inner machinations of my mind r an enigma.... but i know blake texts him stupid shit like “today is the new moon have u set and manifested your intentions” at 3:45 on a wednesday NO ONE ASKED!!!

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: BLAKE i’m sorry beck

who gets up first in the morning: prob beck.... blake stays up all night looking @ her real tru luv (the moon)

who suggests new things in bed: i don’t feel like either one of them would be like “👉👈 can we....” i rly feel like they both just wing it 100% of the time

who cries at movies: blake :/

who gives unprompted massages: beck ?? i think. unless he had a rly rough show or smth then blake would try to be nice.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: this is probably a time both of them would be sweet to the other.... so i say both here. they’re the most comfortable w/ each other when one of them is weaker akdmsfaksmgadsf

who gets jealous easiest: BOTH!! but beck . it’s beck.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: i feel like beck has secret favorites. blake takes herself too seriously fmadsfmam

who collects something unusual: i feel like beckham probably collects beer tabs or broken glass idk he scares me

who takes the longest to get ready: blake. and then she’ll just decide not to go lmao.

who is the most tidy and organised: u m blake no question

who gets most excited about the holidays: neither, they both don’t believe in commercialism/pagan tradition but i know blake puts up a xmas tree

who is the big spoon/little spoon: beck is big spoon :-)

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: BOOOOOTHHHHHHHHH OF THEM. i feel like blake normally wouldn’t be competitive against anyone BUT beckham.

who starts the most arguments: lmao..... it’s a toss up. a shit show luv xx

who suggests that they buy a pet: blake would just bring one home. it would be a stray with one eyeball and mange and she would be like “this is my grandma from a past life that is astral projecting into this dog and she lives here now”

what couple traditions they have: i imagine in my head on every anniversary (they probably don’t know an exact date, so rotate picking one day out of the year that they choose is their anniversary like the queen does w her bday fkasdmf) they go find an old abandoned road and try drive quick enough to see the other side of the moon or go see a show at the venue they met @ : ) idk i feel like they try. also their tradition is acting like they don’t like each other.

what tv shows they watch together: i thought abt this so hard. i know they watch unsolved mysteries, probably twin peaks. i also feel like blake likes to watch the crown to fact check everything and beck acts like he hates it but then starts asking her questions.

what other couple they hang out with: is this... even a question. savannah & brooks !

how they spend time together as a couple: fighting or being really nice. no in between. also making fun of other ppl.

who made the first move: did we decide that? KMFDKSMGANS i feel like it was mutual. probably beckham though.

who brings flowers home: neither. lol

who is the best cook: blake ! i feel like she would rly try :( and beck probably burns jello

BAVANNAH !!

who hogs the duvet: brooks and he denies it

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: i feel like both do. they’re annoying and r probably like “how are u? where are u at today? what do u need from me?” hate them

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: i feel like brooks would rly try but savannah would obliterate him. they probably have competitions every year and he continuously loses.

who gets up first in the morning: brooks, for sure. he never sleeps. stays up too late and wakes up too early and has a coffee iv somwhere probably.

who suggests new things in bed: brooks most likely lmao they probably don’t have sex until they’re 36 tho

who cries at movies: my angel ms savannah . and brooks puts it on his instagram story

who gives unprompted massages: brooks, probably, just 2 ****

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: savannah !! i know it in my heart. brooks always thinks he’s dying.

who gets jealous easiest: BROOOOOOOOKS

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: savannah :/ i’m sry girly

who collects something unusual: i feel like savannah collected weird stuff as a kid fkasmdfasm idk where that vibe came from but i’m sticking w it

who takes the longest to get ready: savannah again..... mdmfmdfm

who is the most tidy and organised: SAVANNAH .A;D,FSKDF IM SORRY. brooks is privileged and had a maid i know he leaves his shit everywhere.

who gets most excited about the holidays: ok i do feel like this is both of them.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: brooks is a very secretive little spoon and makes savannah sign an NDA that she won’t tell beck

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: brooks !! is!! very!! competitive!!!

who starts the most arguments: um . brooks again he’s an aries

who suggests that they buy a pet: this is savannah : - ) i love her

what couple traditions they have: idk abt traditions but i feel like they probably have a lot of rituals... like he has to play w her hair for her to fall asleep or smth. now i’m emo.

what tv shows they watch together: i know they watch gilmore girls together i kNOWWW ITTTT and brooks probably made her watch breaking bad.

what other couple they hang out with: if u know u know he heh eheh

how they spend time together as a couple: very touchy feely, a lot of affirmation, naps and watching tv, probably staying up too late playing board games or watching home movies from when they were kids

who made the first move: um literally neither and that’s the worst part

who brings flowers home: brooks ! ! !

who is the best cook: savannah bc brooks is again privileged

ok last but not least.... brasher :/ i’m scared

who hogs the duvet: they have separate duvets like europeans to avoid conflict 🥰 but brynn probably just gets underneath asher’s anyway

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: both ! i feel like both of their days are really busy, so it probably varies but i know they both do

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: also feel like this could be both. i feel like they’re both sentimental, but brynn is probably more creative.

who gets up first in the morning: asher for sure. brynn pulls all nighters all the time.

who suggests new things in bed: also think this is asher akmfmsadf brynn is vanilla

who cries at movies: brynn omg

who gives unprompted massages: again i think this is brynn ? asher’s always stressed lmao

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: BOTH and they’re both big weenies

who gets jealous easiest: asher when they were younger, brynn as adults.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: dis brynn. she still loves abba ?? ?

who collects something unusual: brynn collects 100 yr old diaries of strangers from thrift shops bc she thinks they’re romantic and asher thinks they’re all haunted

who takes the longest to get ready: probably brynn bc she procrastinates

who is the most tidy and organised: this is probably asher. brynn is unknowinging slob, she has to be really intentional abt cleaning up after herself akdsmfaskmd her mind just moves too quick !

who gets most excited about the holidays: brynn x29389283. she decorates and goes all out.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: i feel like brynn is just always laying on asher somehow, idk abt cuddling but she’s just always koala’d on him.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: they’re both competitive, they’re fire signs y i k e s

who starts the most arguments: asher :( sowwy

who suggests that they buy a pet: idk why but i feel like this is asher. brynn probably is too anxious abt giving a pet a good life akmfdkamf

what couple traditions they have: date nights r probably big and they’re probably always leaving handwritten notes to each other 🥺

what tv shows they watch together: they’re probably really into limited series documentaries and get really offended when the other watches an ep without them. i also think they rly like bbc kamdfkasdmf

what other couple they hang out with: they’re hermits prob but mabye one of asher’s clients? ? ? idk.

how they spend time together as a couple: i feel like ever since they lost time while they were apart, they just like to literally be around each other even if it’s doing nothing. that made me emo adkfmadsf. they prob like going on night drives like when they were younger.

who made the first move: back in the day ?? asher for sure.

who brings flowers home: :( i feel like they both bring home things for each other. also this question feels sexist idk why

who is the best cook: i honestly don’t know bc brynn is always moving so fast and asher is rich so ... .. . i’m stumped. neither?

#ssunveins

2 notes · View notes

acdeaky · 4 years

Text

the end of the night

warning: fluff, angst, use of strong language, dialogue heavy at parts

note: happy secret santa to @yourlocalmusicalprostitute ! here's a fic with joe, even though i know you said about wanting john! i couldn’t put john with the idea i had, so i went with joe! i hope you enjoy, mwah 💋

word count: 2.0k

the last year of your life had been one of the best for your career and your personal life. you and joe had celebrated your two year anniversary with a special trip to paris. after news got out that you were to be in a highly anticipated film being released in december, you had half a dozen auditions for new projects, two of which you got accepted for.

the year previous had been amazing for you as well, especially the second half. filming began on your first main role in a movie and to say you were excited was an understatement. you were ecstatic. joe helped you through sleepless nights filled with nerves and/or excitement, he spent countless days on set with you and kept you company on your breaks, as well as doing his job too.

somehow, each day you two spent together throughout the past two years, you had fallen more in love with joe - something which you didn't think would be possible. but it happened. and the excitement of your premiere caught up with you throughout the press tour. and, once again, joe was there by your side for every moment.

you’d enjoyed filming and promoting this movie that you forgot about the christmas release date. throughout the entire month of december, running up to christmas that is, you felt like you’d done nothing but work. it slipped your mind that the days to christmas were counting down, until it got to the premiere.

december 19th: you and your cast mates were lined up along the red carpet, smiling and waving at the cameras. joe was by your side the whole night. he chatted with you and the interviewers and watched as your face lit up while meeting and talking to fans. you both were in a state of bliss that night, smiling and getting along with your cast mates.

but after the joy had settled and everyone had gone home or back to their hotels, it was a different story.

stumbling into your hotel suite, you and joe giggled hysterically, the amount of alcohol you had had finally taking affect. you had shown him something on your phone in the lift and both of you were still laughing at it. it wasn’t that funny, but joe was trying to keep you happy before saying what he wanted to say.

“i’m gonna hop in the shower,” you managed to say through light giggles, pulling off your shoes and then carefully tried to unzip your dress from the back. “do you wanna join?”

“no, love, i’ll let you have one.” joe smiled, walking over to help you.

“if you’re sure, baby.” joe only nodded in reply as you glanced over your shoulder. the zip of your dress was down at the bottom after joe helped and you easily slid out of the short sleeves and let the dress rest in a puddle at your feet.

stepping out of it, joe reached down to grab it, holding it delicately and laying it across the back of the sofa of the suite. as a thank you, you kissed his cheek lightly, resting your hand on his blazer clad shoulder.

“don’t worry about taking this off and joining me at any point, joey. i’ve missed you,” your hand moved down from his shoulder over the lapels on his blazer. the fabric was soft, good quality shit, and running your thumb over the front brought you back to earth. “i won’t be too long.” and with that you turned around from him, waltzing into the oversized bathroom and stripping off the rest of your clothes before stepping into the shower.

joe never joined you. he stayed inside the bedroom of the suite and took off his blazer, laying it over the sofa next to your dress. he toed off his shoes and placed them next to yours which had been carelessly thrown at the foot of the bed. his tie joined his blazer over the sofa, but joe kept his shirt and trousers on, not fully ready to undress just yet.

there was something he had to do.

just like you had said, you weren't too long. you dried off in the bathroom, sneaking into the bedroom to grab some pyjamas and quickly getting changed. after hanging the towels up, you stepped back into the bedroom, pulling the fluffed up white covers back and called to joe.

“baby? are you coming?” was all you said. joe suddenly appear from the living area of the suite, his once crisp white shirt now slightly creased and untucked from his trousers. “i thought you'd be ready for bed?” you asked sweetly, snuggling further down into the sheets and silently beckoning him to bed.

“i will, i will, i just- i need to talk to you a minute.” joe just sat on the same side of the bed as you, his fingers and thumbs twiddling as he tried to calm himself.

“joey, what's wrong? has something happened? are you okay?” a million thoughts and questions raced through your head. the silence coming from him was the first thing that worried you; joe was barely ever quiet.

“im fine, love, i just wanted to talk to you about something.” joe’s head was still down, his voice coming out at almost a whisper. before you even replied, you shifted forward, grabbing one of his hands and placed it in-between both of yours. all of your attention was on him now; his posture and attitude worrying you, his behaviour extremely unusual.

“okay,” you said with a shaky breath. “go for it.”

“i love you. so so much. and you know this, but i just wanted to say it. these past few weeks, hell these past two years, i’ve be so unbelievably proud of you, of what you're achieving and what you've achieved. but honestly? i miss you, a lot. like, a hell of a lot. you’ve been there, of course you’ve been there, but you haven’t been here completely. part of your mind has always been thinking go work, or the next step, and i feel like we’ve not spent time together like we have done before. christmas is in less than a week and the minimal amount of presents we’ve bought is ridiculous. and i'm not blaming you, i never would. god, i can't blame you when you’ve been caught up in work because that's your job, it’s what you do.” joe had to breathe for a minute. he still hadn't looked up, his eyes were still fixed on where your hands were encasing his.

“as much as there's been an us lately, there also hasn't. the bed feels empty even when you're in it next to me. the house seems quiet even when you’re downstairs rehearsing to watching TV. there's just been something not right and i didn't want to say anything earlier because i wanted you to enjoy celebrating the movie, because you should, instead of thinking and worrying about what i've said. i'm not trying to make you feel bad or guilty, because i just couldn't do that to you, but i just had to say this. i had to say something.”

“fuck, i'm so sorry.” was the first thing joe said when he finally looked up at you. you knew exactly why. your face was definitely a deeper shade of red to match your bloodshot eyes. there had definitely been at least three tears that marked your face and fallen onto the cotton sheets below. joe knew what you looked like when you cried, he had seen it happen so many times before. but every time that happened, the first thing he would do would be pulling you into his arms, a hand stroking the back of your head as he whispered sweet nothings into your ear.

this time, though, he did none of that. just like you, his eyes were bloodshot and there was guilt behind them. you saw it as soon as he looked up at you. you think that was why he pulled his hand from between yours and shot up so quickly. his hands ran through his hair, pulling it this way and that way.

you sat motionless on the bed. your hands were still where joe’s left them, your face was in a state of shock, in fact, your whole body was. the only sounds came from joe’s laboured breathing and the few outside noises of cars and noisy pedestrians passing by outside.

that wasn't what you were expecting.

it wasn't what joe was expecting.

but it happened.

it took a few minutes for you and joe to come out of your heads and acknowledge each other, it was your short sniffles that brought you back to earth. joe’s movements stilled as he faced where you sat on the bed. his eyes were even more bloodshot than before and his hair was so dishevelled. all you want to do was reach out and kiss his tear stains away, but that wouldn't work this time.

“you don't need to be sorry,” came your broken voice, disrupting the near silence in the room. “you're right. i’ve been so interested in work and this movie and movie forward in my career that i forgot about everything else. i’m sorry i haven't been here as often, or as present as i should be, like i used to be. without realising it, it’s just happened. and i’m sorry, joe. i’m sorry i haven't been there properly, or fully. i’m sorry for making you worried and making you feel like this. seeing you like this just breaks my heart. and it’s all my fault.”

joe stayed stood there, taking in the words you said and the sight before him. after everything tonight, after all the laughter and love received by the both of you, the end of the night turned into something out of your personal nightmares. without saying a word, joe finally move forward. his body practically crashed onto the bed and he pulled you into his arms once again. he sat with his legs over the bed, pulling you onto his lap and wrapping his arms around you.

“its not your fault, it’s not.” he whispered over and over again in your ear, his hand stroking the back of your head. both of you stayed there for what seemed like hours, crying into the other’s shoulder and readjusting your grips periodically.

“i love you so so much, and we’ll figure this out together, yeh?” joe whispered into your ear after a few moments of silence. at some point, he begun rocking you backwards and forward, settling your crying and calming your breathing. no words could leave your mouth, making you nod your head in agreement. “lets get you back into bed.”

joe’s movements were slow as he lifted you off of his lap and into the sheets. he helped you lay down fully before pulling the sheets over the rest of your body. instantly, you snuggled down into them, making yourself comfy and waited for joe to join you. he finally removed his shirt, placing it and his trousers over the back of the sofa. joe didn't even bother changing into his pyjamas; all he did was pull out his pair of sweatpants, pulled them on and crawled into the bed next to you.

as soon as he settled, he pulled you close to him. your chests were pressed together as his arms rested around your waist and your arms rested are his shoulders. it was the low sounds of joe’s breathing and his sweet nothings that sent you off to sleep. just before you fell asleep, you made a mental note to be more present, to be there for joe when he needed you.

an “i love you.” was whispered just before you fell asleep.

that night could be classed as one of your bests and one of your worsts, but with joe there by your side for the whole thing, nothing else compared (even if you did end up crying one way or another).

TAGLIST: @never-kept-the-same-address @j0hn-deaky @sohoneyspreadyourwings @brian-maybe-not @deakysbabybooty @1001-yellow-daffodils @retromusicsalad @hardcoredisneynerd @painkiller80 @leatherjacketmazzello @scarecrowmax @mebeatlized @seesiderendezvous @alright-mrfahrenheit @someone-get-a-medic @miamideacon @chlobo6 @teenagepeterpan @spacedustmazzello @deakysgurl @forever-rogue @xcdelilahxc @keepsdrawing @igotsuckedintothevoid @kill4hqueen @supersonicfreddie @laedymoon @inthedayswhenlandswerefew @warriorteam1924 @painandpleasure86 @boomerangbassist @mamaskillerqueen

#joe mazzello #joe mazzello fic #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello imagine #bohemian rhapsody #secret santa #borhap secret santa #borhapparker's borhap secret santa #yourlocalmusicalprostitute #acdeaky

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romantheramen · 2 years

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I posted 656 times in 2021

2 posts created (0%)

654 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 327.0 posts.

I added 20 tags in 2021

#ts spoilers - 7 posts

#sanders sides - 3 posts

#remus sanders - 2 posts

#logan sanders - 2 posts

#even if ive already read it ill still cackle lile a hyena - 1 posts

#these tags are limiting me but im going batshit my dude - 1 posts

#your ideas are fucking superb and i love morally gray percy - 1 posts

#it sounds glorious and im very excited - 1 posts

#i love zombies - 1 posts

#your favorite zombie fic - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#i also cant choose for shit just please gift me your favorite crack or fucked up fic from any of the fandoms we go nuts about

My Top Posts in 2021

This is your very important and friendly reminder that seeing the accomplishments of others at your age does not meant you have not already been successful and that you won't be successful in the future <333

0 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 17:26:33 GMT

Fanders Notification Calendar

I’ve put together a Google Calendar of important dates for Fanders so you can receive notifications to your account :D

So for reference, I can never, for the absolutely LIFE of me remember important dates and anniversaries. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about them! I just can’t remember. ADHD is, in fact, my entire personality.

SO! I created this calendar with a bunch of dates, including:

Character Birthdays!

Including Dr. Picani and Remy - we’ve basically adopted them anyway, right?

Thomas, Joan, and Talyn’s Birthday!

Episodes Anniversaries w/ Links!

Sanders Sides!

Bloopers!

Sanders Asides!

Cartoon Therapy!

Side Name Reveals!

Side Track Release Dates!

Includes a link to the Spotify Playlists.

Includes a playlist on YouTube in case some folk don’t have access to Spotify :)

Credit to: Tower of Deceit (YouTube) and @tower-of-deceit (Tumblr)

Sides in Skirts!

Including attached photos of the Sides being dazzling

Includes GREAT edits by @cute-and-angsty-princess !!! Seriously they’re so lovely it felt illegal not to include them lmao

There’s a sprinkle of other things included as well, and if any other projects by Thomas come up by Thomas I’ll be sure to update this calendar :)))

THIS LINK will take you to the calendar :D

Or in case you want to copy and paste:

https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/4?cid=YTVodThkcDBnbXJzZTMwazZtMTRzajNma2dAZ3JvdXAuY2FsZW5kYXIuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbQ

All of these events are scheduled as “All Day Events,” so go settings and, go to the account you’re saving this calendar under, and select it.

Scroll down until you see “All Day Events” and you can add your notification for these events. Personally, I have it ON the date at 9AM, but you can schedule notifications earlier (as well as be notified by email).

You don’t even need to get notified, just view the events on this calendar to take a peek every now and then and see what's up ^-^

49 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 17:21:42 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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jisoos-wife · 7 years

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Guys, im gonna rant and be salty about the Girl's Generation album/comeback. SM is doing those girls dirty. And that's a fucking fact. This is their 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY FOR FUCKS SAKE. There should be more hype than this. YES the teaser videos are beautiful. But they aren't promoting them enough. And it makes me angry because they just promoted the ever living fuck out of EXO (don't be a pissy hater. This is a fact. I love EXO, but SM is clearly playing favorites with them right now when they should be doing more for this anniversary cause its a HUGE FREAKING DEAL.) Now let's talk about the actual album. And ya'll can be haters if you want but im using EXO as an example again. When you buy "the war" album (from kpoptown) it comes with - The CD - A photo card - Booklet/photo book - 1 Poster. Pretty standard right? And it even has several versions so there are different options you can choose from depending on which album you want.(in total there are like 8 different versions) WHICH IS GREAT. Now, for the Holiday Night album it comes with: - The CD -1 poster. That's it. No photo book. No photo card. No extra little things and there is only 1 version. Which is bull shit. Im gonna be 100% honest. SM sucks, and does shit like this all the time (i won't even bring up f(x) how much SM has fucked them over) and i really shouldn't be surprised. But the fact that EXO got so much promotion for a regular album, and has so many options for A REGULAR ALBUM, and Girls Generation is getting so little for their 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, pisses me off. And i don't wanna hear "oh they aren't popular anymore, they haven't been relevant for 2 years" cause that's fucking bullshit. They haven't had a group comeback because all of the members have been working on solo projects WHICH IS AMAZING. Taeyeon has been slaying her solo career, even after being told she wouldn't be succesfull (suck it haters) and the other girls have been doing amazing things. So as a long time fan (they were the first ever KPOP group i got into when the music video for GEE came out) it makes me sad that they aren't getting the love and attention they deserve to celebrate 10 years as a group. Hands down, they have been one of the most successful kpop groups, regardless of being a boy group or a girl group, EVER. And im disappointed in SM, and other fans, for not being as upset over this as we should be. After all the money they've made for SM, they did those girls dirty.

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kronos-the-timelord · 5 years

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All the pretty asks ✨✨✨

ahhhh, so sorry this took so long,,,

angel; is there anyone you’d do anything for?

my friends and immediate family

galaxy; what fascinates you?

medical stuff (like how the body works), psychology, and space

melody; favorite artists?

@wemakuu @keencheckerboard @memeathon @vendingturtle all of your guys art makes me cry and i love it so much ;-; but i think i’d have to say Edgar Degas

silk; what outfit makes you feel confident?

i dont have a picture of it but i have black heeled boots that go up to my knee and i usually wear those with a leather jacket and i feel hella cool

rose; favorite flower?

i love lavender!!!! its my jam!!!

sun; favorite season

fall/spring

film; favorite movie/tv show?

movie: ponyo/song of the sea tv show: project runway...

gorgeous; what do you like in a person?

their humor and smile

diamond; favorite color?

blue!!!

infatuation; first crush?

oh goodness,, so umm,, heres a weird fact about me,, i had my ‘first’ kiss when i was 2 (it was with a boy i’ve known forever and actually graduated with) and i had a ‘boyfriend’ in p much every grade leading up to 2nd grade,,,, so the first crush i actually remember having was in 3rd grade and it was on one of my friends but then he moved at the end of the year

dream; how long do you sleep on average?

7-10 hours

brilliant; what celebrity do people say you look like?

when i first cut my hair i got a lot of ppl saying i looked like Shailene Woodley

perfume; favorite scent?

lavender!!!!!

fleece; have any pets?

this is Dageus and hes a stinky boy

pigment; what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color which one would you choose?

my hairs naturally brown,, i did have part of it dyed indigo so i probably would do that again but my entire head

charcoal; do you have a good relationship with your parents?

yeah!! i love em

ocean; do you take a yearly vacation?

no,,, but i am about to go on vacation for a week!!

murky; biggest fear?

snakes,,, its so bad that its started to go to other reptiles too,,

devotion; are you taken?

ye!!! my bf and i have been together for almost 2 years

lingerie; what do you wear to bed?

t-shirt/tank top/sweater and thats it,, if it gets really cold ill throw on a pair of sweats

daydream; best memory?

i cant remember anything ever but i loved going to the Florence Nightingale Museum in london

joy; best feeling you’ve ever experienced?

i cant remember shit,,, so im not sure

masque; what’s your skincare routine?

i was my face, put on toner, then serum (i use the milk makeup water and watermelon sticks), then moisterizer,, i try to do a face mask twice a week but sometimes i forget

valentine; best gift you’ve ever received?

im not sure,, like i have a couple different ones,, like i got a set of luggage for Christmas one year and another Christmas i got a nice art set,, and my bf got me this real cute picture for our anniversary

parchment; favorite book?

i have to go with divergent and the receiver of many series

garden; do you have a garden? plants?

my mom has a whole bunch of plants,, theyre all in front of our house,, i had one but it just died ;-;

oasis; dream destination?

ive always wanted to plan a trip to japan,, i dont have a specific place tho

sense; best subject? favorite subject?

english?? art/english

footprints; do you want kids?

fuck that noise

rainbow; what’s your sexuality?

i straight

sweater; do you prefer loose or baggy clothes?

loose but i like my pants a bit tighter

nail laquer; punk or pastel?

yes

1975; if you could time travel to any time period, what would it be and why?

send me back to the 1400s,, fill me up with that plague,,, if thats not possible tho ill settle for spanish influenza tho,,,

tattoos; do you have/want and tattoos and piercings?

i dont have any tattoos but i want some and i only have my ears pierced

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tomfaulkdiary · 7 years

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Monday. -7 days until my movie.

Jarec is in prison for blackmail and guns, Sebastian is going to the electric chair for raping his daughter, but im a bad guy for asking for dirt for my film project? LOL

Over the last month or two I have been building and prepping a fleet of 9 motorcycles, over the entire winter I have spent thousands of dollars on dirt.

My very own mx track... cool right? A director approached me with writing and starring in a adult film on my property. Having never gotten to write or even been asked an opinion on anything related to my work from any company ever I JUMPED for the opportunity.

My friends gay and straight alike have been working furiously as time gets closer to this shoot. Is it so wrong to ask for help towards the end?

I do realize now that maybe kickstarter would have been a better outlet, but

I also dont think people realize that 200 dollars of dirt is a giant dump truck of dirt not some tiny patch of mulch that that blog pictured the other day.

I have had to pay my friends in beer and good wishes as we have bought skid steers (bobcats) , premium track dirt, filler dirt, water systems, and then hand dug all the parts to make it flow together seamlessly.

as far as anyone's first time engineering project could go, It went AMAZING, but we just need it so much bigger! because...

my uncles land is for sale because he cant afford it anymore. everything is going to be gone, and the magic place i grew up at and swam at and rented when i first started porn is going to be gone forever. this movie is not just some random collections of scenes to me, this was is my only way to keep hanging on to it from my scene rate, my writers fee, property rental. we just wanted one more summer and as they say if you build it they will come.

and then i wanted to rent out the track to people wanting to learn how to ride MX without traveling far.

way more than any of that though, i wanted to be seen as i am and not how other think me to be on screen for once in my life.

as far as (porn company) “needing money” thats bullcrap. but i was told by a director i could fundraise for my material if i chose too, and authorized me to give out memberships and etc to some of the bigger contributors

i am assuming Now that they only meant privately. gofundme was my best friends idea, and I went with it because most of the time I am the only ones making decisons on this project and i thought he could help.

we have raised thousands of dollars on our own from a select group of really nice people but the more we run our track the more we realized how much farther we could jump with more, how much faster we could race and showcase something that was literally part of me.

I never meant to embarrass a studio, i know the only reason why is because i dropped a name, but to be clear, they didn't need help. I DID. to bring something i wrote and have lived and love to every single one of my fans.

I cant believe how twisted something can get from asking for literal dirt. I have a sport that my friends and I love and it keeps me happy, when we read that article we were ashamed of ourselves for even thinking for a second some asshole wouldn't crucify us for it. I think DIRT is probably the most innocent thing a guy in porn has ever asked for, and in fact i got it from my family for my birthday and christmas and my anniversary as well. this isnt some kind of scam. I’m just trying to build something that’s amazing and lasts. is that so wrong of me?

str8upgayporn, all you managed to do somehow is get me blacklisted forever from the execs at a company, and even after changing our info on gofundme the account is gone and we lost the 300 dollars in it forever. so thanks for that.

you wasted others peoples money for no reason other than to talk shit to a studio that frankly has some of the very nicest people involved in porn.

I am just a weird kid in a big state. to be clear to the world i never tried to use a fundraiser in a porn company's name, but that i’m building something featured by one. but maybe i should have been more clear that this was just MY project and has been for more than 6 months.

the fact that we are shooting a porn on my location is relevant though. because i wanted to shoot sequels. sadly, this will probably never happen since my misuse of words (having never fund raised for anything before) has already cost me dearly.

In ending , if you actually read all of this, you are cool as fuck and i hope your having a good day. i was out in the woods yesterday hitting some giant free jumps and wrecked and banged myself up so i will be in bed for a few days.

BUT the movie is still going down, everything will be fine. everything is semi perfect, my only wish is i could add on more before you all see it,

i am so proud of myself for writing and script and delivering on everything i needed to this year. it took me 6 years in porn before ANYONE gave me a chance and ONE DAY to make it to where it will never happen again.

no regrets . no dream is too small.

-tom faulk

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