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vivxwrites · 5 years

Text

Tough

*not my gif*

Word Count: 1652

Warning(s): sort of angsty, should be safe besides that. (lmk if anything else needs to be tagged!)

Summary: Just a little songfic to the song Tough by Quinn XCII ft. Noah Kahan

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

A/N: hey all, i’m back with a request! this one was sent in by a nonnie quite some time ago! i hope you all enjoy! also, please go listen to this song because it’s pure nat. You’ll see what I mean.

*lyrics are italicized*

Maybe it's 'cause your mom never kissed you

If you ever cried, you'd wipe with muscle tissue

You bench pressing more than me's not the issue

I know you're actually weaker than that

Let's hope that nothing get deeper than that

“Nat wait,” you called out desperately. She didn’t turn back and continued to angrily stomp away in the direction of her quarters. You cursed yourself and chewed on your lip before standing up and chasing after her.

After sprinting down the twists and turns of the tower you made it to Natasha’s door seconds before she slammed it shut, barely managing to shove your foot in the entryway. She made a noise of frustration and reluctantly flung the door open with a glare. “Can’t you leave me alone?” She asked the question sharply but you were well-versed in the tendencies of Natasha Romanoff. She used her anger in an attempt to intimidate the other party but you vowed to stay strong against her well-defended emotional barriers.

From your spot in the doorway you could just barely make out her bed, where upon closer examination you noticed a pair of silver handcuffs dangling, one metal ring closed securely around the column of the headboard while the other remained unlocked and hung idly. You heart sunk in your chest at the thought of Natasha reverting back to the ways of her tormentors for a sense of stability. “Oh, Nat,” you paused and trailed off, not quite knowing what to say.

Tears swam in Natasha’s green eyes before they hardened and she ripped her gaze from yours. “Natasha please, let me help you.” Be it some form of psychic powers that resulted from HYDRA’s multiple experiments on you or some factor completely unrelated, you could tell Nat was on the brink of a mental breakdown large enough to rival the Eiffel Tower and you wanted to comfort her in any way that you could, not that she made it easy.

“I don’t need your help,” she growled. “I’m strong enough to handle myself on my own.” She slammed the door in your face. ‘But you don’t have to’, you thought before turning and walking away, with a heavy heart.

Like why, why are you only vulnerable when no-one's around?

Your gym membership is not a crown

You're not so tough

I know that nightlight's on when you sleep

You're not so tough

Yeah, you watch Eat Pray Love on repeat

And I'm sure you'd win in an altercation

But you're still insecure to me

Oh, so mess me up

I know you're not so tough

When you saw her the next morning at breakfast you could tell from her bloodshot eyes that she had cried herself to sleep. You grit your teeth to withhold saying anything to her and instead busied yourself with drinking the rest of your freshly brewed coffee, courtesy of Clint. But God, you couldn't help but wonder why Natasha kept all of her feelings tucked away, why she was only vulnerable when no-one was around.

Against better judgement, you forced yourself to give her some space and decided that a trip to the gym was in order. About an hour or so after you had started running on the treadmill you caught a flash of red hair and pale ivory skin donned in black workout gear. If she had even spared a single glance your way she would’ve seen the obvious concern shining in your eyes, but she hadn’t. She had only crossed the expansive room and stepped into the shooting range, picked up a massive Russian Rifle with ease and set her sights on the automated targets ahead. You knew that Natasha had a habit of visiting the gym twice, sometimes even three times a day to prove a point to who, you hadn’t the slightest clue. You just wished that she would take more time off and not work herself into the ground.

Even as you watched her take down target after target, her biceps straining yet holding the gun perfectly steady, you knew deep down that she wasn’t as tough as she let on. Sure, physically she could break all the bones in your body in less than a minute, but on the inside, she was comparable to a pile of sand held in someone’s palm, furtively trying not to slip right through the gaps between their fingers.

You knew from the countless nights where you would wake up to screaming that Natasha slept with multiple guns and knives under her pillows, having had one of the previous mentioned weapons pointed and ready to put a sizable hole in your forehead after you had entered the widow’s bedroom one night when you had heard screaming. Needless to say you didn’t pop by for any more nightly visits, even while you lay flinching in your own bed from the sheer intensity of her screams.

And sure, she was deadly and very well could kill you, but you only wanted to help her work through her insecurities and fears. And maybe you had ulterior motives, like wanting to get closer to her, closer than anyone else on the team had ever managed and-

You stopped yourself from continuing your thoughts. Right now Natasha didn’t need someone to love, she needed to love herself.

Are you insecure that the steroids are causing hair loss?

That your Lulu shorts don't quite vibe with your camo AirPods

And if I ran into you past sunset, I'd probably be scared, oh

I know you're honestly weaker than that

I bet you know that you need to relax

You could see the way she would try to inconspicuously avoid touching anyone, as if she were scared that her mind and body would turn against her and injure those she loved. Your chest panged with the sorrow you felt for her and if you could’ve swept her into your open arms, you would’ve in an instant.

Here, in the low lighting of the common area, Natasha looked almost relaxed. With her nose in a book and wearing sweats, the world’s deadliest assassin didn’t look so deadly. But even doing nothing, she was still intimidating. Her obvious intelligence and beauty would have scared a younger you further into the shelves of the library in an instant. Her hands twitched on the outside cover of the book, clenching and unclenching while her brow furrowed and after a moment, her body relaxed into the plush leather of the couch.

And I don't mean to come at you like it's Watergate

My pale ghostly body's purely water-weight

Yeah, I should probably substitute what is on my plate

But I still acknowledge those feelings inside

Let's work on your habit to run or to hide

You approached Natasha as calmly as you could, though inside you felt an unsettling combination of both nerves and anxiety. She snapped her head in your direction, reluctantly looking away from the view of the skyline that she had discovered at the top of the tower. “Hi,” she said meekly and you were surprised to hear the undertones of something in her voice, Natasha usually being extremely skilled at hiding her real emotions.

You sat down next to her and turned your body to face her, preparing yourself for the possible aggression she might direct towards you after you say your little tidbit. “Natasha, I’m worried about you,” you began. When she didn’t reach over and shove you to your death you decided that it was safe to continue, “You’re strong all the time and I just wonder, are you alright? I know it’s not the most healthy thing, bottling everything up.” She blinked at you with a blank look on her face and you chuckled nervously, “Not that I’m the healthiest person alive, there’s some stuff that I could work on too, like actually going to medbay after missions like I’m supposed to or being on time to Fury’s mission briefings or-” You were suddenly cut off by the feeling of Natasha’s soft lips on yours and you were sure that your eyes had widened to a level bordering cartoon-like as your brain frantically screamed at you to reciprocate the kiss, after a while, you did just that.

It was chaste and left you longing, a kiss that screamed Natasha in so many ways. She smirked at your expression, a stunned look still present on your features. “I appreciate the concern, (Y/N), but don’t worry about me.” You opened your mouth to cut her off but she shushed you by placing a single finger against your lips. “Besides, you’ll help me work on it, won’t you?”

She rose to her feet and with a wink and a teasing grin, made her way back into the tower. You sat dazed on the rooftop for a while until the events finally registered. Natasha had kissed you and, apparently you would help her learn to open up more. You didn’t know exactly what the future would hold but you knew that you were excited to find out.

Like why, why are you only vulnerable when no-one's around?

Your gym membership is not a crown

You're not so tough

I know that nightlight's on when you sleep

You're not so tough

Yeah, you watch Eat Pray Love on repeat

And I'm sure you'd win in an altercation

But you're still insecure to me

Oh, so mess me up

I know you're not so tough

You're not so tough

You're not

You're not so tough

You're not

You're not so tough

You're not

You're not so tough

You're not

You're not so tough

I know that nightlight's on when you sleep

You're not so tough

Yeah, you watch Eat Pray Love on repeat

And I'm sure you'd win in an altercation

But you're still insecure to me

Oh, so mess me up

I know you're not so tough

A/N: I feel like this isn’t good but I owe it to all of you to post it anyway. Super sorry for all the delays with my writing, I’m doing my best to juggle school and this and all the other events of my life. Feel free to shoot me a pm or ask if you ever have questions or want to talk! Love, Viv <3

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#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x female!reader #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #marvel fanfiction

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