#this goes both for people who thought they were trans but weren't
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i think it's easier to agree with terfism in concept, that a woman is just an Adult Human Female and this is actually liberatory rather than regressive & confining.
but in practice, in terf spaces you'll find:
cis women sexually harassing each other (some even talked about wanting to rape women, but since they weren't Male it was a-ok. certainly not as much of a biggie as a trans woman peacefully existing online, anyway.) there is also so much shaming of formerly prostituted women, rf or not, & rape/dv victims.
weird racism and nazi shit! much like the rapey people mentioned above, while some terfs wouldn't outright support racism, they'd tolerate it and follow "white supremacist feminists" or "radical feminists" making anti-semitic jokes (cough cough. radfem hitler) some terfs thought they were weird privately but there was no move to push them out of terf spaces like there was with Transfem Lesbians Existing.
this is also racism & nazi shit... when women's march changed their logo, there was a huge backlash in terf spaces about how this silhouette–
–was male, or meant to be a trans woman. of course, a lot of people were like "that's racist because some woc have that nose type." i saw two responses to that argument-- 1), it was actually the brow bone which was male, so it wasn't racist, and 2) women's march did this on purpose to make terfs look bad (and? it worked lmfao.) i was shocked at just how openly, insanely regressive this was, and it illustrated a point to me about terfs-- they will throw women under the bus who look masculine (like, any woman who could've had that silhouette) to keep the trans moral panic fueled.
more on throwing masc (cis) & other women under the bus-- i saw terfs who'd spent time in those spaces for a while began to question if muscular women in wrestling were "real women" or if they were "a man pretending to be a woman." trans women were made fun of for their "male" features, which of course, weren't male specific. they mocked vaginoplasty & dilation to get to trans women, thereby also insulting the cis women who did those things (which, they seemed to either not know about or just didn't care.) at one point, a cis tirf was talking about her experience getting harassed as trans in the bathroom and a bunch of terfs ganged up on her to call her a liar. so, believe women until it goes against your political agenda i guess? and, for that bbc article on cis lesbians feeling pressured to sleep with trans women, they literally interviewed a cis lesbian who'd been accused of rape multiple times, including in bathrooms. but trans women are the actual rapists, right?
one thing that's very sad is how woc in these spaces will see things like, nazis coming to terf events and being Allowed to stay there and plead for the movement to change, as if... anyone cares about woc here? terfs don't care about masc or non-white women considering how their rhetoric negatively impacts both.
crazy amounts of terfs claiming they just care about trans people and don't want them to hurt themselves, thennn calling trans people mutilated freaks & posting pictures without consent, even of minors, of surgery results good and bad.
and concerning the last point, this is just some contradictory things i've seen in terf spaces concerning cis women & afab people, but really the transmisogyny should be enough to stop your support of it. even if terfs managed to liberate all afab people somehow, trans women's well-being is important by itself. i just think these contradictions i've seen personally work nicely to poke holes in terf ideology.
#radical feminism#trans inclusive radical feminism#ex-terf#ex terf#tirf#trans inclusive radfem#tw misogyny#tw transmisogyny#tw transphobia
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hey okay so. one of my friends just made me really fucking mad actually
i was talking about guns (because another friend was designing one for an oc) and i offhandedly said "my dad was a cop and is also a veteran! i'm not bragging about that. i'm just glad he taught me the things i know now" because you know i really do like guns and i like shooting ranges and i like knowing about weapons and stuff man because it's just cool. i think it's cool.
and this friend that pissed me off, goes "oh it's cringe that your dad was those things but it's cool he taught you about guns"
and i. okay. look. if anyone has a problem with the choices my dad made in his past, it's me. trust me i'm queer and trans of course i have fucking issues with it. but he's my dad. i can also understand that the life he was subjected to ultimately led to making those poor decisions. he used to be like me. he used to be radicalized because he had experienced police brutality firsthand. he was abused, at home, at school, in public by unhinged strangers, criminals, and police alike. he was a failure to his family and he genuinely felt like his only option was to sell away his youth to the fucking military. he was in operation desert storm and he NEVER came home the same. all because he desperately wanted to make people proud of him for something he wasn't instead of them just accepting him for who he was, and that was WRONG both on his end and theirs.
i'm not gonna sit here and talk about my dad's trauma like it's mine but i'm also not gonna say there weren't a lot of factors that made him make those decisions that he genuinely thought were right especially because mental health resources were and still ARE very stigmatized.
but it just pissed me off. that's my dad. i love him very much and i can criticize his choices because i know what happened to him to make him that way. i know that if things were different he'd be in a much better place and god i wish that were the case because he's my fucking dad
idk. it really REALLY made me angry. there's nuance here somewhere, i don't have the words. i will never defend my dad's actions full stop i'm really embarrassed that he was a cop at all. i don't even like talking about it unless necessary. because people will always act like i'm defending the things he did or defending cops or defending the military if i say "hey don't fucking talk about my dad that way ever again please". do you support billionaires just because your mom works at walmart??? jesus fucking christ.
i don't have to hate my dad to hate the things he did
Okay, so. That’s your dad first and foremost. Full stop. That’s all it takes and that’s all that matters.
The job he has/had does not matter right now. Your family was criticized and that can hit hard.
And, honestly, it’s better to learn from someone that has training with guns to tell you everything you need to know and to keep you safe. That’s not a bad thing.
I’m sorry that your father had to go through what he did, but just because of those choices, it doesn’t make him any more or less human, it doesn’t make him any less good. He’s human. We all make choices we can regret later on or will look back on and say “why did I do this?” even if it was something that wasn’t really a choice.
That’s still your father and it’s perfectly okay to defend him because that’s family.
That friend sounds extremely rude and I hope things can get worked out.
If anyone wants to harass anon because of their father’s working areas, I’m deleting those comments and any reblogs saying anything negative is going to be me blocking your account. Look past the job and look at the man underneath who is teaching his kid gun safety with this post. Nothing else.
#anti endo#did system#system#osddid#endos dni#traumagenic system#actually did#endos not for you#actually traumagenic#did plural#did plurality#osdd plural#osdd plurality#tw gun#tw gun mention#tw gun use#anti-endo-haven-vent#anti-endo-haven-vents
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Y'all I had a Yuri dream last night. Like, nothing crazy as far as action goes, but it was a fun ride for my heart.
I was on an adventure with a group of friends. All people I used to do parkour with. At points we were going down a wide wild river on an inflatable raft. We'd jump to logs floating in the river and do fun things.
But one of my friends was (for some reason) dressing femme for the trip. And everyone knew I was trans and they weren't, but we started out playfully treating him as a her. Then it was less playful and more just normal to treat her like a her one night. Well I was sorta feeling it and "jokingly" asked for a kiss. She gave me a little peck at first. The look on both our faces was "that didn't count". Then she went in for a longer kiss. I was at first a little hesitant to fully embrace it, then my heart pounded harder and relaxed my mind about it possibly being "straight" and kissed back like she was a girl. Playful little tongue on her lips for a sec. I melted. And when we were done, we both sorta looked flushed and like we enjoyed it more than we both thought we would.
We all went on to continue the adventuring of jumping on to platforms and logs and stuff. But she and I had a better connection than before.
Now, the wild part of this to me is the fact that it is someone I actually know in real life and I have no reason to suspect he is an egg or even interested in anything at all close to this. And I'm a lesbian and wouldn't want a kiss from him or any other dude at all. And I really don't find myself attracted to crossdressers at all. But somehow through the lived experience of spending a weekend or so with them in femme made it look like it was becoming real to them in their eyes. I could see a spark, and when it looked real for them is when I was suddenly a little interested... (Not to mention my dream made them as pretty as my cutuals on this site so they had that going for them)
Also, the slightly annoying part is that he is brothers with another friend, and in real life I keep forgetting which is which since I haven't seen them in so long. So I was just as confused in the dream as to which this was. 😆
All that to say, that kiss was unexpectedly magical and revealing. Like, I might be attracted to the belief of being a girl in the other person. Because before that it was just crossdressing or what have you and I just saw my guy friend. But when it was (it's a dream so my brain makes the logic, my brain was saying she identified as she at that time now, if this was irl there'd be a whole lot more conversation about it and I wouldn't assume) her being and believing she is a her I started being attracted to her. Despite her looking nice the whole trip and nothing in looks changed.
Now, do I post this to my FB with some revealing parts of who they actually are (that my friends would most certainly decipher and know who it was) redacted? Or do I keep it here?
#trans#transgender#trans is beautiful#yuri#dream logic#dreams#yuri dream#magical kiss#revealing dream
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queer bullies/ex-homophobes
So, I've been thinking a lot about the whole "person who used to be a homophobic/transphobic bully turning out to be queer" thing, both in media and in real life, and it turns out I have thoughts, so here they are.
So, first and foremost, I absolutely get the whole being homophobic* because of internalised homophobia that they're projecting outwards. I can empathise with that pain and insecurity and also recognise the mental effort and work that it must take to overcome those beliefs and come out (especially as a lot of these people have no supportive friends/family). However, I do have a few points to make:
Homophobia isn't all that goes into being a bully. I have known homophobes who were still kind to all people (still didn't get on with them, but they didn't actively bully me or anyone else). There is also a part of that person that took their beliefs/emotions and decided that it was okay to turn them onto other people. Eliminating the homophobia doesn't eliminate that part.
You can be queer and still be a bad person. This is linked to the last point and might be its own post for now or later.
You can be queer and still be homophobic. There are transphobic trans people and homophobic gay people who haven't worked through their own shit and therefore make life hell for their own community (these are normally the people who try to claim that they're "one of the good/normal ones").
The queer people they've hurt do not have to forgive them. They have hurt people. They might be a better person now but that does not undo the hurt they've caused.
The queer people they've hurt do not have to be comfortable around them. This could cause issues in queer spaces.
THEY NEED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN THEY HAVE CAUSED AND APOLOGISE. A lot of this has been influenced by a conversation I was having with someone who used to be quite unpleasantly homophobic and is now queer. They tried to claim that my experiences with homophobes in my year "weren't that bad" and, yes, whilst many have experienced much worse, these experiences were still difficult for me. It only occurred to me after this conversation that maybe they were unwilling to acknowledge my pain because they weren't ready to deal with the fact that they supported these people, did similar things or, at the very least, let these things happen. Acknowledging that these things were really difficult for me would mean acknowledging that they had hurt people and I don't think this person was ready for that.
We can't excuse homophobia just in case that person is queer. Homophobia is homophobia and it is despicable.
Now, a quick bit on media:
Whilst seeing a bully come to terms with their identity can be an interesting storyline, I'd like to see more of a focus on the victims of bullying, or just a turn away from bullying in general. Also less of victims dating their bullies as soon as they turn out to be queer. Give them a little time away at least. Points 5-7 are particularly important here.
*I am just going to say homophobic from now on because I can't be bothered to type homophobic/transphobic every time, but know that that's what I mean
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Regarding the Valentinos, I was always curious about how did they actually meet? For the first time I mean. How did things develop among themselves and why exactly them? Weren't there any other alternatives ever in their lives? Did they have any serious past relationships before their throuple?
Highschool! They’re highschool sweethearts, but they met their junior year ish. Started with Brian actually being friends with both Plethora and Cassandra, then introducing them. All of them were very unpopular in school, Brian is this tall antisocial violent kid who everyone thought was going to shoot up the school, Cassandra ended up being heavily bullied and ostracized after everyone found out that her dad is dating his own brother, and Plethora was just deemed as this masculine lesbian which in Texas in the 90s is dangerous (plus racism). So they all just banded together due to mutual interests and hatred for society.
Brian was actually dating someone while they were all friends and his girlfriend was a dick. Cassandra and Plethora HATED her. She was regularly borderline abusive, pushy for PDA and these large proclamations of love (which for Brian at the time was very unnatural since he was way more introverted and deadpan) and was very nit picky and kept calling him a pussy if he didn’t defend her and get mad like all the other girls boyfriends did. He was miserable but just figured that this is what’s normal. He knew early on that he loved both Cassandra and Plethora but it broke him cause the chances of them loving him back, much less having both of them for himself was slim.
Brian and Cassandra were the first people Plethora came out to. Once again this was the 90s so discussion of being trans was very minimal and misunderstood. Brian just thought that Plethora was a lesbian and was upset, meanwhile Cassandra was rethinking her whole identity. He explained it more, which was more just explaining how he felt with no filter, and then they understood what he was trying to say. They’re not perfect they didn’t get it at first but to both of them they’re like “yeah why not. You look like a dude anyway.” Plus as time goes on they just see him as a guy regardless of what people say.
“Would you of hated me if I was a lesbian?”
“No I was upset cause I thought my chance with you was over. Turns out you are a guy and I’m very bisexual.”
“And I would of just accepted I liked a woman and became a lesbian for you. Or bi… whatever would of swooned you the most.”
Cassandra would literally sneak out almost every night to their houses (Brian’s was easier) and hang out with them. She’d get ballsy and cuddle with them or say shit like “ugh I wish you were my boyfriend…” which made Plethora and Brian nearly die. They were her escape and somewhere she felt completely safe and hidden with.
So now you have three people who are all in love with each other and they are getting mutually pissed off at each other for the constant “mixed signals”. One argument later and they all realize oh shit we ALL LIKE EACH OTHER?! You’d think they’d all be ecstatic, which they were, but now they’re confused on where to go. Plethora is terrified of people finding out cause he’s already got the walking target of being Trans on him, Cassandra is scared because she’s already been mocked for her dad having a gross relationship and she doesn’t want to be compared to him, and Brian still has his girlfriend. But ultimately it was actually Cassandras idea to just be a throuple. Which was unheard of back then. And everyone agreed.
Brian never officially dumped his girlfriend so she screamed at him in public once she found out, which just lead to Cassandra fighting her and breaking her nose. And then it was the three of them, an unstoppable force who no longer gave a shit about what people think. They didn’t want to work for society and they wanted to get rich and live a perfect life together. Which lead them to where they are now.
Communication for them was easy from the start since they’re all just really open books. But obviously like every single relationship in existence people have tendencies to keep secrets out of fear or just don’t know how to talk to people. But for a relationship to work they get over it and talk and be there for each other. So that’s why they have such a strong foundation and are willing to literally murder people for each other if necessary
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Hey feel free to ignore but uh. You seem like a guy who has sex? And I was wondering if you had any good resources abt safe sex etc esp from a trans friendly angle? I recently started dating my bf and it's both of our first relationships ever (in our mid 20s lol) so we want to eventually Do It but we're taking our time and trying to be safe about it and I kinda feel like I don't even fully know what I don't know??? They also seem to have more just baseline knowledge abt this stuff than me and I don't want to seem like I'm not taking things seriously or something :/
(Also if I can complain for like 5 seconds it's super frustrating how all the info online seems to be that condoms should be everywhere and super easy to find but I literally haven't seen any since my high school library was giving them out half a decade ago!!!! Like I've been trying gas stations corner stores etc and I just don't see them idk if I'm just missing them or looking in the wrong place or what 😡😭 /rant over)
hey, congrats! it's really cool that you and your bf are getting to figure this stuff out together! i don't think you happening to know less to start off with would make you look frivolous, not your fault it's hard to find good honest useful sex ed info right now, and you seem like you're being totally thoughtful about this! going slow and doing research is good, imo it's a good idea to be upfront with your bf about feeling like they know more than you--it can be really weird to feel less aware than ur partner about like Anything, and talking it out so you know what their expectations towards you are can help a lot, plus sometimes you find out they've been feeling the same way. I am always saying to talk about it to em though.
I know a decent chunk about safe sex but it's been gathered up piecemeal rather than from like, specific, recommendable resources, so I can give pointers in theory (guess you can ask me specific questions if you have any? if I can't answer I can always look em up) but it's harder to point you along to a proper source of info. i must have read Primed at some point, and it goes around posts on here a lot, but I don't really remember firsthand how useful or comprehensive it was, beyond being a resource booklet aimed at male couples involving at least one trans guy. I'm sure there are a lot of other guides at this point, too! but I'm not really sure how to find em, off the top of my head. I feel like I learned a surprising amount about partnered sex and safe sex practices from reading sex toy review blogs (thoughtful longform stuff in the vein of heyepiphora).
this is kinda silly but it helped me back in the day; wikipedia has a lot of articles on sex acts (and different kinds of contraceptives and barriers, source links here can get you to VERY useful info on em!!!) and I feel like they may help you wrap your head around stuff you may not have much context on. like even just the 'sex positions' article is like, a decent starter place--it uses heteronormative language intermittently and VERY cisnormative language throughout + has a fair amount of chaff, but it's also a remarkably comprehensive list of all kinds of configurations for penetrative and non-penetrative sex, & even describes how simpler acts like frottage and mutual masturbation can work (which often gets skipped over 😭). it's kinda crap if you have to juggle like, physical disabilities or the ways that fatness can change how two people's bodies interact, and includes a lot of obscure, back-hurty-lookin penetrative sex positions that get disproportionate use in porn, but it can definitely be a good jumping off point for poking around online for more info, or introduce you to new concepts/bolster your faith in your interest in something you were thinking about but weren't sure was A Thing People Actually Do In Bed.
also akxlaldf listen about half the condoms I've used in my Life came from a huge amount of free ones I accumulated in one summer like nine years ago (volunteered at an LGBT center and would take one or two home from the free bin every day, plus got a big bag of freebies at a transmarch) like ??? I do see em in stores in my area, but they can be so weirdly annoying to find when you're actually looking for em. if you can online order, most sex toy sites (like shebop or goodvibes or whatever the fuck) will also sell condoms in singles and multipacks (& usually a lot more kinds than you'd find in a store, which can make it nice if you're specifically needing to find unlubricated, flavored, bigger ones, latex free, etc).
but yeah feel free to message if you have specific questions, I wish I could provide better info off the bat 😆 also some extremely miscellaneous stuff that's like, entry level but still worth repeating: it's helpful and common to like, pop a pillow under your hips to improve your angle (wedge pillows are your friend if you happen to have one around) or grab a footstool to even out heights if you're doing something standing up, stuff like that. you can nab a cushion or kneepads if anyone's gonna be kneeling on a hard surface too. a longer strap-on can be helpful when figuring out positioning, so you don't need to get your pelvises as close together to make it work. talk stuff over ahead of time if you can, both to get more familiar with what you and your partners' wants are and to help sketch out some approximate boundaries ahead of time. sex toys are a great convenience, but get 'body safe' materials if you can; silicone, metal, glass, and most hard plastic toys can all be sterilized; PVC rubber, 'jelly' toys and ones made out of what's often called cyberskin or sexflesh or stuff like that (TPE, thermoplastic elastomer) can't, and some may let off harmful chemicals like phthalates (or just plain disconcerting oils and aromas) as the plastic breaks down. (if you're goin for it anyway? PVC holds up ok but is a bit stiff, TPE feels luxurious but rips SOOO easy, and I've never bothered with jelly.)
there's never any shame in finding certain sex acts, or just certain elements of intimacy, overwhelming or stressful! your like process of developing a sexual awareness and skill set doesn't have to follow any set pattern, and you and your bf are always allowed to make concessions to be sure your n their own boundaries and needs are met (I get overwhelmed easily on a sensory level, and I had a long term relationship where I wore gloves almost every time I fingered my partner bc the mix of textures was a lot for me at the time, regardless of how we swapped fluids regularly).
you probably heard this one before a whole bunch, but i legally can't let u go without saying that peeing after sex as soon as you're ready to get up is a VERY good idea, regardless of your anatomy--it flushes out your urethra, which helps reduce your risk of getting a urinary tract infection (which isn't rly about if the sex was protected or not--it's just easy for bacteria from other places on your own body to be introduced to your urethra during sex, regardless of ur partner's saliva/fluids.) no shame if it doesn't work, I got a uti from jackin it once, stuff happens! which brings me to my conclusion, which is that u gotta always keep in mind how weird and awkward and funny sex is and that it's normal and good for it to be all those things. excited for u! wishing u well.
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Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgry (part 2)
Tw:swearing, mentions of surgry, softness.
Karl
This sweet ass man.
You are just laying on your bed, well sitting really, when he came in.
He had a fuck ton of balloons. And a large box.
Karl seemed like a child on christmas.
Placing the balloons down he handed you the surprisingly light box.
He was gently bouncing as he waited for you to open it.
It shocked you how it even fit in the box.
It was a huge frog bed.
You realized with a pillow you would be able to sleep in it perfectly.
"I knew it was uncomfortable sleeping like that so I got something that should make it a bit more comfortable."-karl
You loved it.
Sadly you couldnt use it till those drains were out though.
He was right though that was definitely more comfortable then laying on a bed only.
He didnt think it through though. And got sad when he wasn't able to fully cuddle you.
But he found out that he could lay on your lap and legs.
You both enjoyed it.
Also he might be a bit squeamish when it came to your chest drains but he was helpful with them.
He helped you clean them and your wounds, he was very, very gentle.
He didnt want to hurt you.
"You know it's ok to do it a little harder. It wont hurt."-(y/n)
"But I dont want to hurt you. I know this doesn't hurt."-karl.
It was sweet. But got kinda annoying sometimes when he couldnt get something off. But he never got angry or frustrated. Just kept very gentle.
I imagine that when he was cleaning your new scars, Jimmy came to see if you got his balloons and if you doing good.
You two were in the living room bowl of warm soapy water, in a large plastic bowl, and karl gently wiping off all of the crust around the scars.
You fell asleep before karl finished and karl was finishing up when jimmy came in.
"Karl. They're alseep."-jimmy
"Yeah but this needs to be cleaned. It doesn't hurt them."-karl
Jimmy and karl literally just sat there till you woke up.
You thanked jimmy for the balloons and thanked karl for helping you clean those wounds.
Karl didnt mind though. Cause this sweet heart cares for you and just wants you to feel better and feel comfortable.
Quackity
He loves you and all but dont expect him to help with the surgical sight.
He'll do everything for you except clean your wounds and drain those drains.
He loves to hug you and kept you warm.
He would stream but you were always behing the green screen so no one would see you.
"Alex. Can you get me to book I left in the living room. I feel like shit still."-(y/n)
He was very quick to get it. And I mean he bolted out got it and brought it in the span of a minute. He gave you a light kiss on the forehead, and whispered.
"Anything for you mi amoir."-quackity.
You gave him a smile.
"Simp."-(y/n)
He gasped offended and looked at you.
"Well only for you though."-quackity.
I imagine as a get well gift quackity would get you something to remind you of him when he streams.
Large duck push.
He knew that his streams could last a long time so he decided it was best if you had a snuggle buddy to help you stay in position.
If the duck got dirty he was cleaned nearly immediately by quackity.
If the duck falls off the bed quackity gently yeets it onto the bed where you can reach.
He might of gotten jealous of the duck a few times. But he seemed to get over it when you went to hugging him instead. Sadly it wasnt that easy to but still none the less you gave him hugs too.
Dont neglect you quack boi.
He needs hugs like you do.
Give them to him. These are the only times you get cuddles. Other then that he is making food, getting you comfy, and fixing your pillows and shit like that.
He is now a maid.
Not sexually though. He just cleans the house, get you things you need, and makes food.
He is helpful.
Just not with the cleaning process of your wounds. And that's fine. He keeps you comfy and that's all that matters.
Also if your cold in the middle of hot ass summer and asking for more blankets he would look at you crazy. Like what the fuck?
But you have them lightly fluttered over you.
He wants you comfy. Even if that means you looking like your boiling alive in the middle of july.
If your happy he's happy. That's how it goes
Badboyhalo
Badboyhalo?
More like dadboyhalo.
He is not going to let you do anything.
Your surgical incisions? He's cleaning them.
Your drains? He's got you.
Your getting alot of soup and smoothies. He even joins in on your so called diet so you wont get jealous about what he has.
Rat is all over you. Sensing the pain you were having and cuddling you completely. Your laps is almost always taken by rat.
Badboyhalo doesn't really care if rat gets alot of attention by you. He just wants you to be comfortable.
But sometimes he gets sad that he cant fully lay with you.
But he enjoys just sitting with you and talking through the nights you cant really sleep.
He gets you a stuffed cat, you use it mainly as a pillow and sometimes hug it when bad is streaming.
"It reminded me of you when I saw it."-bad
Your heart melted.
He loved your reactions to the little sweet gesters he did. It brought him joy to know you were able to relax and trust him at this moment and time.
You get a free swearing pass. He knows you hurt really bad at times but he lightly says language when on stream.
You understood though. He had kids watching too.
You were grumpy one day, bad took rat because of a rat cam stream. And all you wanted was to be warmed up by something else then a blanket.
You were sittinging there looking at bad as he streamed.
You could technically get up and grab rat but he my tell you not to.
So you quietly patted your lap.
Rat immediately seemed to notice and run over to you, jumping onto the bed and laying in your lap.
You felt accomplished and tired so you fell asleep.
Rat leaving made the chat confused but bad explained that you were healing from a surgery.
Chat wished you a good recovery and told bad to go and comfort you. Even though you were asleep.
He tried to explain it but the donations kept yelling at him.
So he ended stream and laid next to you and rat.
This was comfortable.
Eret
Eret, they were a whole 'nother story.
This fabulous being is like a maid service in one.
They have two outfits they wore when you were upset.
A maid outfit and a butler outfit.
You just got home, you were in pain, sitting up and swaddled in blankets and Goose was trying to smother you at this point.
Eret was streaming and you were sitting there in the background, blankets, pain, and goose exsiting.
You didnt know eret was talking about you because you were falling asleep. Eret nor you expected what their followers did.
Her door was bombarded with packages addressed to you. Decorated with words about getting well soon, that they were proud of you, even some saying you were their rolemodle.
Eret decided to have a stream of you opening them.
Let's just say alot of them were food, candies, even foreign food and drinks. Someone made you a homemade blanket in the trans colors.
Best part about that blanket, it was heated.
You were using it immediately as you were freezing.
Eret just chuckled and rubbed your shoulder as you opened them.
Needless to say they are proud of you, happy that you were one huge step closer to who you were.
All they wanted was your happiness.
Niki
She's a sweetheart.
Need I say more?
Well I will because fuck you I can.
Constant cuddles, be it only her head in your lap, it is almost always happening.
When you have to take your pain meds she is instantly on it, do you want soup or a smoothie? You cant decide? She'll make it a surprise.
If you dont live with her then you're staying with her while you are recovering. She doesn't want you alone when you are in pain.
You'll be bedridden until she thinks you're okay.
If she deems you as not fit for doing something she's on it. Drop you glasses for reading/drawing/writing/typing. You bet your ass as soon as she heard that clack and you groan she's picked it up and it's on your lap.
Also makes sure you're good with streaming.
If you say your good with it that day it's a calm stream. There is no lore happening when you're healing everyone was fine with that due to the fact that niki would have to sit out and the lore was with her as well so that couldn't happen.
Will came to visit...
Saw you, took pity, and now you're stuck with two people showering you in affection and comfort.
You saw Wilbur as a brother. And wilbur saw you as his younger brother. So he literally felt the pain when he saw you wince.
Niki thought it was cute and comforted both of you.
Anyways she saw something before your surgery and decided that you needed it.
It would make you feel better.
It made you laugh.
You regretted laughing but loved the hoodie.
It fit so well and it was beautiful, you also were thinking about buying it one day because you could.
But niki beat you to it.
Wilbur didnt stop laughing.
I mean who blames him.
You literally just Yeeted your tits. And niki got you something that said yeet right on top of it.
It worked perfectly.
Also when niki's not cuddling you zuko is.
End of story, you're seriously stuck with cuddles no matter what. Be it from an animal or a human.
Wilbur wont cuddle you more of give you head pats.
Niki normally streamed with you there with her unless lore stream.
So when the second day after your surgery, she had streamed, and you weren't there her chat started asking questions. Wondering if you were good, if something happened.
That's when you raised from your dead sleep, zuko falling off your stomach, shirtless, just to go grab some sock as your toes felt like they would fall off.
Chat seemed relived but started questioning the binder and all that.
Niki explained that you got top surgery and that you were healing still.
"He's looking like he wants to die right now. Are you sure he's fully okay?"-dono
"Yeah I'm good. Just stubbed my toe as well."-you.
Niki was quick to rush over and help you back to the bed.
"Just sit down I'll get you your water hun."-niki
She was quick to fill your bottle up and place it next to you on the table next ot the bed.
She's such a big help not matter what honestly.
She loves you and will do anything for you.
I am sorry this took so long. Just had a very unstable mental state. Also sorry if they seem oc. I'm once more not on a good mental state and have been trying to work on this.
So yeah if I dont post in a bit I'm so sorry just stressing alot. Insomnia is kicking me so hard.
My grandma broke her foot, she's all good though.
And I have taken up most things in my house as I live with both my mother and grandmother still.
But yeah I apologize for the break just gonna try to let myself get better. It might take a bit. It might be quite short I dont know. I just need to get more sleep.
Eli is very tired now. Bye.
#karl x reader#niki x reader#eret x reader#quackity x reader#badboyhalo x reader#mcyt x reader#mcyt fluff
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karasuno and nekoma scenario + headcanons for ftm reader
pronouns: he/him
warnings: dead naming, slight harassment and tranphobic comments like using the wrong pronouns.
a/n: this was a request from @mi-ts i hope you enjoy this and this is what you're looking for :) i added in some headcanons of my own as well. pls tell me if i said anything offensive in there by accident, i was also super tired when i wrote this so pls excuse me for any mistakes :'D
karasuno:
i feel like the entire team is pretty supportive and definitely not transphobic
the only person that i could possibly think of that doesn't understand transitioning would be tanaka but even then he'll still support you in whatever decision you make
let's start off with the first years
hinata and kageyama definitely uses correct pronouns though i feel like kageyama might forget sometimes but he'll just use they instead
tsuki doesn't care much and i don't think he cares a lot about anything other than maybe yamaguchi
yamaguchi would be really sweet about it, correct pronouns 100%, no mistakes or mess ups. he'll probably pay more attention to you and help you with whatever you need
kinoshita and narita are both super supportive people so they wouldn't care that much but they would definitely use right pronouns and all that
ennoshita is kind of the leader of the group right? i feel like he would advocate your pronouns only if ur comfortable with it though
alright third years
suga.
supportive supportive supportive super supportive
makes sure your absolutely 120% comfortable with your surroundings and if there are people bothering you he's not scared to get asahi and daichi to square up with them
daichi is pretty lowk about it. respectful of course. always tries to help you with suga but doesn't end up helping a lot but that's ok
lastly asahi would be…
pretty nervous about making sure he doesn't use the wrong pronouns or make you uncomfortable
like overly cautious but you find it funny and adorable
__________
"yo y/n! what took you so long? practice started 10min ago." tanaka shouted from across the gym.
"sorry…i got caught up with something." you replied with a sad tone in your voice.
the team immediately noticed something wrong. you were usually a pretty cheerful person and sulking like that didn't seem right to them.
"woah woah, you good man?" noya said while tapping you shoulder.
"yah i'm fine guys, thanks." you lied.
"even a dumbass like hinata and king over there would know you're not fine, what's wrong." said tsuki.
"hey we heard that! but seriously y/n-kun, is everything ok?" hinata said while walking over with kageyama.
"it's nothing much really… some second years called me uhh… "baby girl" today and asked me if i had anything to do after school. they wouldn't let me go either even after i told them i had somewhere else to be…. and the fact that i'm not a girl anymore."
"they fucking what now?" suga said with an incredibly hostile smile on his face.
"do you know their names?" daichi asked.
"yah its f/n l/n and f/n and l/n…"
"those two sons of bitches??" tanaka and noya screamed in unison.
"yah do you guys know them or something?"
"they're in the class beside ours, we don't know much about them except that they're annoying as fuck. they've been making girls uncomfortable all year long." noya replied.
"oh… they must've thought i was a girl since i didn't wear a… y'know."
"that's still no reason to do that to you y/n. first of all you weren't comfortable with them flirting with you, second of all you also told them that you're a guy and they still called you that." asahi said
"yah that's true." daichi said with the rest of the team nodding their heads in agreement.
"don't worry y/n, we all know it's not your fault the binders don't work. no matter what you wear or how you look, the team will always see you as who you want to be!" suga said with a bright smile on his face this time.
a smile appeared on your face with warm thoughts entering your mind. knowing you have friends that care about you this much is truly a blessing you don't want to lose.
"on a side note, suga and i know those 2 as well. in fact we know their homeroom teacher too, i'll go report to their teacher tomorrow. he loved suga and i, we were his best students."
a small giggle came out of you and so did some happy tears.
"thanks guys! it really means a lot." you said to all of your friends.
the rest of the practice was filled with joy and laughter. a few days later you received a handwritten apology from the two assholes you were talking about.
__________
nekoma:
same as karasuno i'm almost 100% sure none of them are transphobic and they would all be supportive. same case of tanaka with yamamoto though if anything
after you came out kuroo just gave you his signature smirk and a big thumbs up and continued to do his chemistry.
kai.
omg don't even get me started
he is SO supportive and just the nicest person possible
he's not aggressively supportive like suga but he's literally just always there for you. before you even realize you need something he already has it.
water, food, whatever it is.
yaku (personal nekoma fav), super chill about it
"oh cool, just let me go tell lev so he doesn't mess up your pronouns."
"lev for the last fucking time it's y/n and he/him it's not that hard to remember."
bonks lev everytime he messes up but he eventually got it
fukunaga just goes:
":3 👍"
so precious, never messes up your pronouns and names
kenma definitely doesn't mess up, remembers it well and i think he would just be like:
"cool, make sure you let the team know. especially lev…"
yamamoto would maybe mess up but he's trying his best
inuoka and shibayama:
i love these 2 so much btw^
inuoka would be excited cuz this is the first time someone ever came out as trans to them.
shibayama is just beside inuoka also being excited and nodding his head agreeing with everything he says
in conclusion these 2 are baby
__________
"hey guys what's up!"
"ah y/ns here." kai said with s bright smile on his face, greeting you to practice.
"yo! what's up we're just getting started can you help me set up the net?" yaku said while waving over to you.
"yah i'm on my way give me a sec."
"kenma go help yaku-san get off your game." kuroo said while poking at kenma.
"give me a sec. I'm almost finished."
inuoka and shibayama were on the side listening to yamamoto talk about something. you and shōhei rushed over to help yaku with the net.
"there, all done. thanks guys. kuroo let's start practice." yaku yelled
"yah everyone get ready-"
just as kuroo said that, two boys entered the gym. they didn't look like they were up to anything good so kuroo stepped up and asked them what they're here for.
"how can i help you two?"
"we're just here to find d/n, oh there she is. hey~ you haven't answered our question yet, you free this weekend sweetheart?" one of the boys said as he attempted to move closer to you.
kuroo lost his shit immediately and pushed them away from you.
"first of all his name is y/n, second of all it's he. lastly if you don't have anything else to say, please leave, our practice is about to start."
"chill captain~ we just wanted to talk to this beautiful lady over here."
"for the last fucking time you bastards it's-" yaku cut off kuroo before he could finish.
"leave it to me. you, tall one on the left, f/n l/n from c/n right?" yaku asked.
“y-yah why?”
“your chemistry mark, 53% and you didn’t pass the test you took on thursday.”
“w-what ??! i don’t even know my mark yet how do you-”
“and you, the stick on the right, f/n l/n. you’re even worse, 49% as your total and your test? i’d embarrassed for you.”
“what the fuck?? w-who are you?!”
“yaku morisuke, 3rd year. the assistant for your chemistry teacher. now if you don’t want your marks leaked to the entire school i suggest you leave y/n here alone and get out.”
“tch yeah whatever !” the 2 boys said as they scurried away.
“yaku-san!! that was so cool!!” everyone said.
“don’t worry about it! it’s what y/n deserves” he said with a huge thumbs up.
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x ftm reader#haikyuu x ftm headcanons#hinata x ftm reader#suga headcanons#suga x ftm reader#suga x ftm headcanons#karasuno#karasuo x ftm reader#karasuno x ftm headcanons#kuroo headcanons#kuroo x ftm headcanons#yaku morisuke#yaku head canons#kenma x reader#kenma kozume#kenma x ftm reader#kenma x ftm reader headcanons#nekoma#nekoma x reader#nekoma x ftm reader#nekoma headcanons#karasuno headcanons
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Shun Kaidou x Male! Reader HCs
Best boy best boy best boy!!! also may or may not sneak some Transguy!Kaidou in this too, hope that y'all don't mind!
Poor boy saw you for the first time and automatically thought you were the prettiest boy he ever saw, so when you introduced yourself to him he stammered like a fool for 2 minutes, then went on with the dramatic 'Jet Black Wings' introduction
You had to discreetly ask other students if you were allowed to play along with his hero delusion or if you had to break it to him that the Dark Reunion doesn't exist
You went a long with it just a tad, you couldn't fully shut him down because of the sad and discouraged look on his face when people made fun of him for it
I can imagine once Kaidou starts developing feelings for you, he was on edge and harsher (?) because in his mind you suddenly became an undercover villain the Dark Reunion sent to befriend him and then get rid of
Even though the reality of it was that he just never dealt with a genuine crush before and it scares him
Queue Saiki stepping in to set things straight because it did hurt you a bit to see Kaidou go on and claim that you're some evil enchanter dude out to get him and he started distancing himself away from you. Don't be mistaken, Kaidou definitely felt the effects of his own actions too. He apologized so many times once Saiki had to get involved because it weirded him out to see his friend classmate get so down because of a guy
Also Saiki was the one to clarify to Kaidou that what he was experiencing was a crush, unintentionally starting too many plans on how Kaidou will win you over and you'll become his boyfriend
Project "Make Y/N my super amazing and cute and handsome boyfriend" is a go!
It starts off with daily compliments, that usually has him hyping himself up with his Hero persona, then him absolutely losing his cool once he actually sees you
"Hey Y/N! You look handsome today!" Oh my god did his voice just crack. "Oh thanks, but are you sick or something? Your face is red."
Okay okay Plan A isn't going that well,,, onto Plan B: Impress him!
This meant that you were constantly being "saved" by The Jet Black Wings, even though the saving was just preventing you from going through minor inconveniences
I swear to God it's like a 6th sense this simp had. Hands are full and the door almost closed on you? Boom, here's Kaidou to save the day! Almost tripped on some litter on the ground on your way to school? Kaidou literally yelled + kicked at it and claimed that it was a trap planted by the Dark Reunion since they knew that you were close to him
You aren't that dumb, you had that suspicion that he had a crush on you so you decided to talk to him privately about it via a study session at your house
So when it was time to address his recent behavior, his brain hit the panic button because this wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to catch on this early. He waved his hands around, frantically apologizing if he made you uncomfortable and if you wanted to stay friends that's 100% okay with him a-
You had to shut him up with a lil kiss on the cheek and told him that you want him to be your boyfriend too.
Nice going Y/N, not even a minute into your new relationship and you're already sure you killed your bf
He got so red faced he passed out-
Considering how he reacted to a little kiss, y'all don't do pda at all unless you want to fluster him
Which doesn't take much, hold his hand on the way to school and he goes "Y/N!!SJSNSKKSBZJSNSHAJ" "Shun, how were you able to even pronounce that?" "It's one of the many secret abilities the Jet Black Wings has yet to show you, darling Y/N!"
You're his sidekick now, even if you don't fully commit to the hero bit. He'll ask you for back up when he's faced with a great foe
You better back him up. Mostly to be a good boyfriend. Secondly, if he's trying to stand up to someone bigger than him (which to be fair. Is literally everyone) there's a good chance you need to be on standby just in case we need a trip to the nurse's office
He likes to call you his Second in Command or he shows you hero name ideas for you in his notebook
He has a separate notebook for your Relationship btw and it's very cute
When you both hang out at Shun's house, it has to be under the excuse of it being for studying just because he hasn't come out as gay yet to his mom yet. He has a feeling that his mom would be okay with it. Like she accepted that her son was trans, but it still makes him nervous
Mama Kaidou already knows and doesn't mind you dating her son. His grades actually have gone up since the relationship started so she's happy and will mind her own business
Y'all actually do study in this at home sessions and it's actually kind of cute. Celebratory kisses when he does well in reviews and at the end y'all cuddle while he gets to ramble about his plans on defeating the Dark Reunion
Dating Shun also involves making sure he's doing okay and he's not pushing himself too hard despite him being a kick ass "superhero"
This mostly comes in when he gets dysphoric and wears his binder for too long
"Shun, it's necessary for you to take breaks. Wearing your binder for longer than you should will mess up your transition in the future." "But I'm okay! You forget I'm not a mere mortal I can handl-" "I'll let you wear my sweaters." "*👀* Okay!"
Days like those are just the both of you cuddling, him wearing your sweater/hoodie, and you giving Shun little remarks to make him feel better
His favorite is when you call him "my hero" or simply "handsome man"
Please run your fingers through his hair it makes him so happy
If you don't wanna wear his hoodies or if you can't, he'll gladly lend you his various rings and necklaces
"This ring was blessed by the gods for ultimate protection against enemies! I think it's the best for you to wear this when I'm not around to protect you."
It was one of those glow in the dark rings you get at arcades, but you couldn't break the proud smile on his face.
Also likes to gift you crystals too! It doesn't matter if they end up not being 100% real, you still put them proudly on your desk and Shun gets so overjoyed when he finds out they aren't just casted aside
He's so happy with you, he finally has someone who loves him and doesn't judge him on his hero complex and doesn't mind the awkward guy behind it too. He gives you many kisses when he is reminded of that and constantly reminds you how lucky he is to have you as his boyfriend <3
#disastrous life of saiki k#shun kaidou#kaidou headcanons#kaidou shun#disastrous life of saiki k x reader#shun kaidou x reader#kaidou shun x reader#x male reader#x reader
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💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!
i see you talk about those funny kids from fnf (talk about lotsa characters itll be fun im interested)
"lotsa characters" you say 👀? alright, you asked for it /lh
this is gonna be decently long, cause it'll be a mix of headcanons (in bold) and other nonsense
so let's start with my personal favorite: pico (my beloved)!
-this orange haired man has rotted my brain entirely.
-oh my GOD i just want him to be happy
-canonically schizophrenic which i actually didn't know until now
-he's totally at least partially latino and can speak spanish change my mind
-he/it pico lives in my head rent free
-he can actually sing really well but usually doesn't around people
-secretly a massive theater kid but shh don't tell anyone he has a reputation to uphold
-taller than blake (bf), the same height as nene, NOT taller than gabby (gf) and darnell
-didn't formally graduate high school for obvious reasons but he did get his GED
-IN A HAPPY POLYAM RELATIONSHIP WITH BLAKE AND GABBY SHH THIS ONE'S CANON IN MY HEART
-they encouraged him to go to therapy
-learned sign language for blake the first time they dated
-taught sign language to gabby
-i think he's genuinely a very responsible gun owner. i normally don't like people who open carry in public but for some reason it doesn't bother me as much this time
-he canonically would have majored in computer science if he went to college i hate that he was robbed of the opportunity
-he goes back to college after he starts dating blake and gabby, at their encouragement
-he graduates top of his class
-he picks up ukelele as a hobby while he's in college because i think it suits him
-canonically wants to be a dj
-successfully becomes a dj as a side gig after graduation
-I SO DESPERATELY WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY
alright this post is gonna literally only be about pico if i don't stop so let's move on
the little beep bop man himself, boyfriend! (i call him blake):
-canonically bi we love that for him
-i know that his name has pretty much been confirmed to literally just be boyfriend but i refuse, i cannot call him that
-for some reason i seem to be the only one who wasn't surprised to find out he was 19
-a lot of people seem to think he was like 15?? i don't see it
-his concept art originally had bright pink hair what a king
-half japanese
-i accept the "miku is his sister" bit as canon it's just cool and fun okay
-the blue hair runs in the family
-he's CONFIRMED to be autistic and adhd i just found out i thought that was just a headcanon of mine but it turn out that i'm right as i always should be
-frequently nonverbal, communicates a lot with sign language
-japanese is his first language
-he learned spanish for pico bc it's pico's first language and LOOK im a sucker for "person learns their partner's first language for them"
-trans (but everyone knew i headcanoned this right? how could i not)
-he's actually the one who broke up with pico the first time around bc fuck those boring ass "pico breaks up with bf to keep him safe/bc he thinks he's not good enough/doesn't deserve him/whatever" hcs and fics, those are boring
-breaking up with pico was hard on him, but he did it because he recognized that pico was not ready for a relationship emotionally with regards to his trauma and everything, and staying would only hurt them both
-he was right, but that didn't make it any easier
-is him being a college dropout canon? i dont remember if that was canon or not
-i think his parents are probably not bad people, but they're the kind of parents who let work come before their kid. they were there, but not really THERE. trying to win him over with gifts and stuff when he just wants to spend time with him
-but they turn themselves around when he gets older and they realize "oh shit we actually weren't there for most of our son's life"
-it doesn't fix everything, obviously, but they put a sincere effort in and adult blake has a much better relationship with his parents than he did when he was younger
-hm maybe i'm projecting my own desires a bit with that last one haha what i didn't say anything
anyway
girlfriend! (i call her gabby):
-once again, it seems like a bunch of people thought she was younger than she is and i don't get it
-lost her SHIT when she found out that blake and miku are siblings
-she's a huge miku fan
-she tried to learn sign language on her own, but really struggled with it until she started getting lessons from pico
-she once dyed her hair blue to match with blake
-most people assume she's the fashionista of the poly trio, but she literally just wears her mom's clothes, shes not the fashionista
-she's also not the "brains of the relationship" like many people seem to think. that's just weird creepy language that i reject.
-SHE'S NOT MANIPULATING BLAKE FUCK OFF
-blake was her first partner, and she knows so little about being human, so when things got... let's say intimate for tumblr's sake, between them she needed a lot of guidance on what was good, what was painful, what walked the fine line inbetween, etc
-i mean, you should having those conversations and communication with your partner about intimacy regardless but especially when they're a demon who's never dated a human
-even outside of the bedroom, blake has taught her a lot about being human, and really helped her grow as a person
-it's growth she COULD have done by herself, sure, but it's a lot easier and faster when someone's helping you through it
-SHE IS ALSO CONFIRMED AUTISTIC AND ADHD EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU PHANTOMARCADE
-her parents homeschooled her
SPEAKING of her parents
the dearests! (i don't have names for them lol):
-lumping them together because i really only have one thing for them and that's that
-they're really not bad people either. they love their daughter to bits, and if they had someone to guide and teach them the way blake did to gabby, they would absolutely come around. they honestly think they're doing what's best for her. obviously this doesn't make it RIGHT, but they do say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
okay moving on
the spooky kids, skid and pump!:
-i'll be real i don't know much about them or their source material
-i just think they're cute
-they stay on good terms with blake and gabby after their appearance in week 2
anyway
senpai, our favorite slender bishonen ;) (i call him seth!):
-HE'S NOT DEAD FUCK YOU
-canonically an entirely different character from spirit, which is good, because idk fuck all abt spirit
-i want him out of that video game right now
-when i tell you this guy gives me such "gay and homophobic" vibes...
-he's also trans
-i accept "monika is his sister" as canon in my heart
and rounding off with...
tankman!:
-i dont know anything about tankman. literally zero.
-HOWEVER.
-he has this line of dialogue
-which implies that he either dyes his hair or at least used to, and has gotten hair dye in his eyes
-i love that for him
-also he's canonically asexual. king.
-like yeah the tweet that confirms it is a little bit mocking but confirmed representation is confirmed representation.
-okay i like tankdad a little bit
-i saw a really good tankdad fic with him apologizing to pico about the school shooting comment because that was genuinely fucked up
-look i just want pico to have a father figure of some sort because his actual (unnamed) father is implied to be a shitty dude who doesnt love him and
-dammit, i'm talking about pico again
-i went back like 6 times to add more stuff to the pico part of this post and now i can't even keep it contained to one section
#ace rambles#friday night funkin#hyperfixation meme#long post#infodumping#oh my GOD this post is so long#i... may have gotten carried away#it was fun tho you were right jet#headcanons with a dash of canon#pico's school#tankmen#tankdad
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the caswell wears prada
read it on ao3!
Summary: EJ's style is simple and functional but Ricky discovers he's capable of more than just letterman jackets and white sneakers. (Part 4 of my trans!ej and genderqueer!ricky AU.)
Author's Notes: I have this little headcanon that EJ used to model baby clothes when he was a baby. Then only went back to modelling once he transitioned to the point he was comfortable enough. Also not me giving Ashlyn's parents a purpose except for just leaving the house empty enough for Ashlyn to throw parties. Hope you guys enjoy!
Warning: Implied Sexual Content at the very end but since it's not explicit, I'll just let y'all use your imaginations.
Ricky has almost exclusively seen EJ in basic white boy clothes. It's usually just a nice fitting t-shirt, some branded jacket, jeans, and branded sneakers. It's not exactly avant-garde but Ricky can appreciate the fact that EJ has found a distinct style that's both understated yet elevates his already good looks.
But from what Ricky has learned in the few months that they've been dating EJ is that just because he dresses like that, it doesn't mean EJ does not have an eye for fashion.
Ricky learned this one day when the two of them were hanging out with Gina and Ashlyn at Ashlyn's house.
Ashlyn's mom was the Editor-In-Chief of an editorial fashion magazine that focuses on highlighting brands that promote sustainable fashion. She also runs a design company herself. Every other minute, she'd be going in and out of her design studio with a phone against her ear and a different meter of fabric in her hands. Her job is also the reason why Ashlyn's parents aren't usually home. Ashlyn's mom would be invited to different fashion events or she'd meet with a client about a new start-up. Ashlyn's dad accompanies her so that she wouldn't overwork herself.
None of that is new to Ricky. What is new, however, is EJ's involvement in her work.
"Ashlyn!" Mrs. Caswell rushes in, a hundred different scarves wrapped around her neck. Ricky wonders if she can breathe beneath all that cashmere and silk. "Darling, I need your help."
"What is it, mom?" Ashlyn asks, pausing the movie the four of them were watching.
Instead of responding, Mrs. Caswell just runs back to her home studio with a hurried click of her heels. Ashlyn looks at the rest of the group with a shrug, moving to stand up until her mom comes rushing back in – this time with a little purple hat perched on her strawberry blond locks.
"EJ, sweetheart! You come too. I need your opinion on a few things." Before any of them could say anything, she's disappeared back into her studio in a flurry of scarves and sequins.
EJ doesn't even bat an eye and moves to follow his cousin out of the living room. Ricky grabs his hand before he could leave, asking him what Ashlyn's mom wants his opinion on. EJ isn't exactly Paris Fashion Week, if Ricky was gonna be honest.
EJ just smiles, placing a chaste kiss on Ricky's lips before saying, "I'll tell you when we get back."
With that statement, Ricky and Gina are left alone, both feeling more confused than before.
"Does that happen often?" Ricky asks Gina, who is picking through the popcorn bowl.
"Ashlyn's mom being weird?" Gina tosses a popcorn kernel up into the air before catching it into her mouth flawlessly. "I've seen Ashlyn help her a few times. But I haven't seen her call EJ into that room before."
"Yeah..." Ricky picks at a loose thread on their jeans. "Didn't really peg EJ as the fashionable type."
Gina pauses in her pursuit of the perfect popcorn kernel and raises a questioning eyebrow towards Ricky. "Hold up... EJ never told you?"
"Told me... what?" Ricky started to panic a little bit. They never liked hearing ominous phrases like that from other people. It fuels their already present anxiety about dating someone who is way out of their league like EJ – someone who could leave Ricky at any time if they realize that Ricky will never be good enough for them.
Gina seems to realize this quickly enough and she tries to diffuse the situation before it gets worse. "Oh! No no no, Ricky, it isn't bad!"
"Then what is it?" Instead of answering, Gina just looks over shoulder at the direction of where the Caswell Cousins went to. After a few seconds of making sure the coast is clear, she tilts her head and motions for Ricky to follow her.
Gina leads Ricky to the spare guest room that EJ occupies sometimes when he doesn't want to sleep at home. In fact, sometimes this room is literally just called EJ's extra room because he's here so frequently. Ricky's napped here a couple of times so it isn't a new place. But he's usually too tired to explore it due to some recent emotional problem or another.
By the far wall is a dresser that Ricky hasn't ever thought to look through. Gina beckons him to come closer as she opens the bottom drawer.
"Ashlyn showed me this when I first moved in. We had to call EJ immediately after because I just had... so many questions." After a few seconds of rummaging, Gina brings out a small stack of magazines triumphantly.
Ricky recognizes the magazines immediately as the same ones Ashlyn's mom is the Editor-In-Chief for.
"Are those...?" Ricky asks and Gina nods excitedly, motioning for him to sit down next to her. The two of them peer through the old issues together, pointing at things they think would look nice on them.
Before they turn to the middle spread, Gina turns to them with a serious look in her eye. "Ricky, I need you to brace yourself."
Ricky tilts their head in confusion. "For what?"
"Just," And Gina can't even hide her giddy little smile. "Get ready."
Ricky can't even bring themself to respond before Gina is showing them the middle spread of the magazine. Their mind skids to a halt when they see a younger EJ staring back at them from the glossy pages, dressed head to toe in the finest three-piece dress suit Ricky's ever seen.
And it isn't just that, EJ's all over the spread – dressed in all kinds of outfits. From gorgeously crafted lace button downs to tastefully styled overcoats – EJ models the shit out of them. Ricky scans the pages in awe because they've never seen EJ wear stuff like this. Sure, they've seen EJ in a suit during homecoming but not one with embroidered roses across the vest or paired with diamond encrusted gold jewelry.
Gina turns the page and Ricky lets out a small gasp.
It's a two page Ashlyn and EJ spread – the cousins looking absolutely ethereal dressed in the most delicate fabric embroidered with flowers along the seams. Their skin is glowing beneath the sunset, the light catching at the highlights on their cheekbones. But what really got to Ricky is one very small but powerful detail:
The flowers along EJ's shirt and the makeup he's wearing are in the trans flag colors.
"Ricky, look." Gina points at the small interview portion at the corner of the page, smiling when Ricky reads it and realizes that it's about EJ.
E.J. Caswell – Teen Transgender Model
"I've been avoiding modeling since I started transitioning and coming back to it was really scary." Says teen model E.J. Caswell. "But when my aunt gave me the opportunity to finally speak my truth through fashion, I knew that I wouldn't regret this decision in the long run."
"There are still so many moments where I hate my body. It's gonna take a while until that goes away. And maybe it won't. Ever." E.J. tells us with a sad smile. "But this is a start – and I get to style some really cool clothes while I'm at it!"
When Ashlyn Caswell was asked about the significance of this project to her cousin and to future transgender models, she smiled softly, making it abundantly clear how much she adores her older cousin. "E.J. is one of the bravest people I know. He's always been an inspiration to me and I'm so proud of him for doing this on his own terms. Plus, I'm really happy he asked me to be a part of it with him. But don't tell him I said that! I'll never hear the end of it."
"She said that?" E.J. said with barely concealed glee. "Aww, Ashlyn!"
Ricky and Gina giggle at the mental image of EJ probably giving an exasperated Ashlyn a big bear hug after his interview. Ricky can't help but stare at the spread again, lightly trailing his finger over EJ's face with a soft smile. He really is so beautiful. Ricky sometimes can't believe that someone as gorgeous as EJ is real.
"Looks like Gina beat me to it."
The sound of EJ's voice by the doorway makes the two of them freeze and turn to see both Caswell cousins looking at them with knowing smiles. But Ashlyn and EJ weren't wearing what they were wearing before Ashlyn's mom called them for help.
Instead, Ashlyn was wearing a floor length pink chiffon dress with embroidered roses scattered along its sleeves and body. EJ was wearing a dress shirt of similar color and material, pairing it with white dress pants and a ruby encrusted rose broach.
"Well look at you two supermodels!" Gina squealed in glee, bounding over to gush over Ashlyn's outfit. Ricky stays rooted in their spot on the floor, their eyes never leaving EJ's. EJ approaches them slowly and takes a seat on the bed next to Ricky. He moves into an effortless pose, making Ricky blush more than necessary.
EJ smiles at them, eyes sparkling mischievously. "Hi."
"H-Hi." Ricky says, moving to face EJ with shaky legs. "You look nice."
"Just nice?" EJ leans down with a smirk, a lock of hair falling to his forehead like some goddamn romance movie. Ricky didn't even notice that even his hair was styled differently. Was EJ growing his hair out? Why didn't he warn me?
"I'd say something dirtier but I don't wanna traumatize the girls." EJ laughs at that and Ricky could only stare at the way EJ throws his head back with the most beautiful smile they've ever seen.
This isn't fair. EJ is sitting here looking like he was plucked straight out of a Vogue magazine while Ricky's sorry ass is on the floor in pajama pants and an old hoodie. Fuck. They should have texted Kourtney for help with their outfit today.
"You're so cute," EJ leans forward even closer, so close that EJ's able to lightly graze their noses together. "Maybe I should dress like this more often to make you blush like that."
Ricky contemplates on the statement for a bit, imagining what it would be like if EJ were to wear more designer clothes to school everyday. EJ right now certainly looks confident and cool. Plus, he gets the added bonus of Ricky looking extra flustered around him.
But at the end of the day, it's EJ's body and EJ gets to choose whatever makes him feel good.
Besides, Ricky fell for EJ without all the bells and whistles.
"You don't have to wear fancy clothes to make me think you're gorgeous." Ricky says before they can stop themself from saying it. But it's out now and there's no turning back. EJ's eyes widen but they eventually soften after processing what Ricky said.
"It doesn't matter what I think, though." Ricky says, reaching for EJ's hand. "What matters is that you're happy. Whether you're wearing a potato sack or Versace. As long as you feel comfortable and you're seeing your favorite self in the mirror, I'll tell you that you're the most handsome boy in the world."
Ricky scoots closer to place a soft kiss on EJ's nose before pressing their foreheads together. Ricky can't really tell who's smiling wider from this angle but they didn't care.
"My handsome boy." Ricky whispers, lightly tracing EJ's bottom lip with their thumb. EJ smiles even wider at the sound of that and it never fails to make Ricky happy seeing EJ so happy.
They're about to move in for another kiss when they hear Ashlyn cough from the doorway.
The two of them separate abruptly, both blushing profusely as the girls giggle behind their hands.
"We'll leave you two alone," Ashlyn says, grabbing Gina's hand to pull her back to the living room. "I'll tell mom you'll be late for dinner."
As soon as the door closes behind the girls, Ricky turns back to a still blushing EJ, a small but urgent thought manifesting to the front of their mind.
"I should take this off-" EJ doesn't even get the chance to finish his sentence before Ricky is pushing him down on the bed and straddling his hips. "R-Ricky?"
Ricky smirks, placing a single finger on EJ's lips as they lean forward to whisper in his ear,
"I'll help you take it off." EJ lets out the smallest whimper at that but Ricky shushes him, blowing against his earlobe. "But you have to be quiet, handsome."
As soon as EJ shakily nods his head yes, Ricky gets to work.
Unfortunately, they're more than a little late for dinner.
---
A/N: I've added some reference pics below if y'all want a better image of what EJ and Ashlyn were wearing hehe :>
#ej caswell#ricky bowen#caswen#gina porter#ashlyn caswell#hsmtmts#hsmtms fanfiction#trans!ej#genderqueer!ricky#cloud's writing now
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To Find Yourself Is To Find Your Truth
(title is subject to change AJSHS)
Summary: A young Loki goes through the journey of finding their queer gender identity and feeling comfortable in their own body.
Word Count: 602
Pairing: None romantic
Rating: T
Chapter: 1/?
CWs: This fic covers heavy themes such as suicidal ideation and gender dysphoria. If this will trigger you or hurt you in any way, please do not read this.
A/N: This fic, in a way, is drawn from my own story. Loki has been a major inspiration for me when it comes to accepting who I am as a trans person. So, I decided to tell Loki's story of their own journey with how I think it went.
(ao3 link) (masterlist)
Chapter One: The Meeting
Sometimes, she was okay. Their world floated in the vast abyss all the same. She could ignore the deep ache in her chest that told her something was wrong, that something was off.
Other times, however, they could not. They could not ignore the thoughts that screamed they weren't a girl or that they weren't just themself. She could not escape the sharp pain that stung in her heart at the thought that they could not be who they wanted to be.
Her mother, Frigga, was the only one who knew of the darkness she held. But even the support of her mother didn’t bring the calm she needed. The realm despised people like them. If you uttered a singular word suggesting that you wanted to change who you were, Asgard as a whole would throw a fit and your existence would erase, leaving no traces to be found. Though she was royalty, it meant nothing. The universe was against them and that they would have to accept.
Though that acceptance was a hard thing to come to and so she wept in the darkness of a hidden storage room that was filled with dust, webs, and old weaponry. Curled up in the corner with their back against the wall and their legs bent close to their chest, they leaned their head against their arms that rested atop their knees. The sleeves of her shirt were damp and clung to her pale skin. Their head throbbed a dull ache and their eyes burned.
To her, life was nothing. If someone were to tell them they would die tomorrow, they would not care. She sniffled and sighed as her tears began to slow. Their crying had left them tired, fatigue spread throughout their body. It was the same routine she had done for a long while; sneak out of their room late at night, when everyone else was asleep, and cry as much as they needed.
She was so tired, however, she never heard the soft padding of paws against the ground. Even when the creature got closer, they never heard the quiet ‘meow’.
The animal butted their head against her calf gently, causing her to gasp in fear. They scooted away closer to the wall and scanned their surroundings for the perpetrator.
It was nothing scary at all, she came to a conclusion. It was a cat. Just a cat.
The cat sat patiently and stared at them with their majestic, olive green eyes that stood out against their fluffy, black fur.
For the first time in a long while, she smiled a genuine smile that lit up her eyes with a glow of happiness.
"Hello."
The cat responded with a mew.
Loki laughed at the oddity. "My name is Loki." Their brows stitched together in question at themself.
Why did I introduce myself...to a cat?
The cat moved closer to her, then, and climbed up on her lap, taking Loki out of her thoughts.
Their eyes widened in shock. This was unusual. She never had such an interaction with an animal. And for the animal to choose them out of all others, it confused Loki.
Why me?
The cat purred as it settled upon her lap. Hesitantly reaching out their hand, they gently scratched the cat's neck, which soothed both the cat and themself. Loki found herself falling asleep soon after, feeling comforted and safe in their presence.
When Loki woke in the early morning, they felt rested and without a feeling of despair. To her shock, however, the cat was still there and greeted her with a gentle meow.
#loki#loki fanfiction#genderfluid loki#loki fanfic#trans stories are important#loki drabble#inspired by my cat#idk what id do without her
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Hi Nate-o! hope this is an o.k. question to ask. I was wondering what your thoughts were with regards to gender non-conformity and transition? bc I think I had the idea in my head that you weren't transitioning due to your gnc-ness but obvs now I see I was wrong. Hope this doesn't come off the wrong way--I'm super happy for you and I'm so glad to see your transgending tag grow!!
Hey!! This is definitely an okay question to ask. And thank you for sharing in my joy! :)
I scrolled for 18,000 years to find this post for you, which you may find useful.
In terms of, like, my own personal relationship to my body, I'm transitioning now/hadn't transitioned before because I am poor and American and I finally have health insurance for the first time in almost a decade. And I'm transitioning at all because I might be a gender non-conforming gay man who digs floral patterns and big earrings and challenges the western cisgender definition of what it means to be a man, but I also have a lot of physical dysphoria! Like, it's really bad. I try to discconnect from my body as often as possible, which isn't great or recommended.
There's an intensely frustrating aspect to trans life in cis society that I've found the words "gender non-conforming" to be helpful with: Gatekeeping. The idea that trans men have to be masculine, trans women have to be feminine, nonbinary people just have to stop, and that we can't all simply be ourselves.
People (doctor-type people who have real power over our lives, as well as just....any cis people we interact with) don't trust us when we say that our inner sense of self is XYZ if we don't also do our very best to look like what they expect. We have to either perform gender at an incomprehensible level or constantly fight people about it, and both options are exhausting.
I haven't presented or dressed the way I really want to on a regular basis since middle school for two reasons:
1) The things that make me feel like myself are the same things that make people stick me in the wrong gender box. They read me as a feminine cis woman 100% of the time. Dressing in "guy clothes" at least made some people think twice about how I was presenting myself. I was "trying" to pass, even if my body wasn't yet cooperating.
2) Worse yet, my body looking the way it does when I indulge in the things I love makes me feel like I've stuck myself in the wrong gender box. My huge chunky necklaces hang over cleavage and remind me that I have boobs at all, and suddenly it feels like I'm giving in and am acting cis like most of my family and society would much rather I did for the rest of my life until I die miserable and hating myself.
So. I haven't worn a dress since my brother's wedding, and I am the asshole walking around in basketball shorts when it's 30°F and snowing. My giant rose earrings live in my medicine cabinet.
It's something I'm dealing with, and constantly working through. The process of physically transitioning has been (my voice!!!) and will be freeing in a number of very significant ways.
I mean, geez. It wasn't until last month that I felt comfortable buying a pink bedspread. For my bed. In my room, where nobody else goes. But the fear of being disqualified as trans (which can have very real consequences when navigating a medical transition) for being who I am—because who I am doesn't align with what people think I should be—goes deep.
Ahem. Anyway, I'm transitioning for my own bodily comfort, and as soon as I have no tits and can grow decent stubble, I will be buying a new wardrobe. Gatekeepers will be cordially invited to kiss my floral-covered ass.
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Okay so let's talk about one of transphobic talking points I hate the most. It comes in two flavors but it's basically the same thing. It goes like this:
"I might've been convinced I was trans as a child and wrongfully transitioned because I was a tomboy" OR "I might've been convinced to transition because my father wanted a boy and I had internalized misogyny".
Okay. So yeah. Plenty to break down here but I'm gonna try to keep it short.
First, what gets me about these arguments are that they seem to assume that "transitioning" is the end goal of a transgender identity and that it's a quick process with very little thought involved. Which is... well bullshit. The assumed end goal here is "the surgery"... ya know, where they make your outie into an innie or vice versa. Which is expensive and time consuming and requires saving money, finding a specialist, and the actual procedure. It ignores and forgets other medical intervention possible, like top surgery, breast augmentation, FFS, and hormones. It also ignores and forgets that this process isn't started the second you come out and many barriers such as how where you live restricts the kind of medical care you could get as a trans person.
Second, if you think for one minute that the people in your life hate women so much that they cannot accept you on the basis of your gender but would *prefer* you as a trans guy... you live on Mars. Just straight up, you do not understand people. If your father was an asshole who wanted you to be a boy, he wanted a cis boy. You really think he'd prefer a trans boy to a girl you have a gross misunderstanding of how cis people actually view and treat trans people. (Bit actually you know this deep down, you're just being obtuse and we both know it.)
And lastly, the *irony* of you assertion that the worst thing in the world for you would be that someone assumed you were one gender and forced you to live that way OR that you thought you had to be a certain gender (even though you knew you weren't) you conform to pressure from your family... like the absolute lack of self awareness! God! But it's horrible, isn't it? The idea that someone would force you to be something you're not - that you'd have to live a lie to be accepted. It's horrifying isn't it? (Do I even have to explain it?)
But the worst - the absolute worst thing about this argument - is the premise it operates under. It's the premise that "these days" there are too many transgenders. Too many "demiflux starboys and fluidfuck GNC lmnops". Too many trans people living their lives, being open about their gender, challenging your preconceived notions of gender and being *gag* visible and no! Nononononono! You can't be trans! Everyone knows trans people are miserable and only want to be seen as cis and guard their AGAB as a deep, shameful secret and now that you deviants are out there looking like freaks you're going to make all kids think they're trans and then they'll disfigure themselves because everyone knows trans bodies are disgusting and they'll hate themselves and it'll your your fault not mine! It's not my fault its repulsive. They'll rush into decisions they'll regret because I don't believe a person can be the gender they say they're are unless they take expensive steps to modify their bodies and therefore I won't accept them until they do so they feel pressured to make a decision instead of being given the freedom to understand and explore themselves. I'm not a transphobe I'm just concerned about trans people!
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My (often relatively reasonable) dad: ...so Enoch Powell was right, what he said has happened.
Me: and you don't think maybe he could've said it without inciting racial hatred and literally saying that in time the rivers might run with the blood of 'native' British people because of immigration, do you?
My dad: no, you're being ridiculous, it had to be said, and there really are areas of cities that are majority black or Muslim now so he was right in his predictions, and it didn't change how things were anyway
Me: *goes away to calm down and read up on the 'Rivers of Blood' speech*
[I already knew some of this but here's a précis for those unfamiliar: in April 1968, in Wolverhampton, UK, a Conservative MP, Enoch Powell, made a speech, about the proposed 'Race Relations Bill' (which subsequently made it illegal to refuse housing/ employment/public services to people on the grounds of race/colour/ ethnic & national origins).
The speech was strongly anti-immigrant, calling for 'voluntary re-emigration' and for moves to be made to stem the tide of immigration, else Britain would be 'overrun' and sooner or later white British people would find themselves fully second-class citizens, and that in some ways they already were. He also talked about a "tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic", which I take to mean immigration in the USA to the similar end of white people no longer being in charge - which in 1968 was so far from the truth, and just horrible baseless fear-mongering, playing on people’s xenophobia and racist prejudice - and compared pro-immigration/anti-discrimination newspapers to the ones that had denied and hid the rise of fascism and threat of war in the 1930s. Plus, he talked about a constituent of his, a woman who lived on a street that had become occupied by mostly black people, who lost her white lodgers and complained to the council for a tax rate reduction because she wouldn't take black tenants, and instead basically got told not to be racist, and presented it as a bad thing that she'd been treated like that.
The speech's common name comes from a phrase he quoted from the Aenid (because he was also a Cambridge-educated classics scholar), 'I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood"', although he just called it 'the Birmingham speech' and seemed to be surprised by the uproar he caused.]
Me (to self): So it didn't change things did it? How do you explain the attacks against nonwhite people where the attackers literally shouted his name and repeated his rhetoric? Oh, they would definitely have happened if he hadn't made that speech, wouldn't they? And the British people of foreign descent who were so afraid they might be removed from their lives just for not being white they always had cases packed to go? And the fact that experts says he set back progress in 'race relations' by about ten years and legitimised being racist/anti-immigrant in the same way UKIP and some pro-Brexit types have done within the last few years here (fun fact: immediately after the Brexit vote, people were being racially and physically abusive to visibly Muslim and/or South Asian people, telling them to leave because of Brexit, which was of course extreme nonsense because their presence would be nothing to do with the EU, and more likely the British Empire and the Commonwealth, but they were doing it because it seemed suddenly okay to be openly racist, because Nigel Farage and his ilk, and a legally non-binding vote surrounded in lies, said so) and others have done elsewhere, in the US and Europe and Brazil and so many other places.
Powell was interviewed about the speech in 1977 and stood by his views, said that because the immigration figures were higher than those he had been 'laughed at' about in his speech, he was right and now governments didn't want to deal with the "problem", were passing it off to future generations and it would go on until there was a civil war!
He also said he wasn't a 'racialist' (racist) because he believed a "'racialist' is a person who believes in the inherent inferiority of one race of mankind to another, and who acts and speaks in that belief" so he was in fact "a racialist in reverse" as he regarded "many of the peoples in India as being superior in many respects—intellectually, for example, and in other respects—to Europeans." (I mean, I know I can't hold him to our standards but a) that's still racism and b) he did think that mankind was divided into very distinct, probably biologically so, races, which, yes, normal for the time, but the whole 'each with different qualities and ways in which they were better than others' is iffy)
Me: *goes back to Dad to make my point and definitely not get upset* So here are some things that literally happened as a consequence of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech...
So even if he was correct to say what he did (I mean, he wasn't but you have to tiptoe around Dad and I had points to make), he shouldn't have said it the way he did
My dad: so you think the truth should be suppressed? You're only looking at this from one perspective (he thinks he knows better because he was alive at the time and my brother and I weren't despite the fact that we're both into politics and history and, y'know, not into scapegoating, behaving oddly, and laying blame because people are different to us - he and mum also have issues with trans people and we're trying so hard to change their views/behaviours but I'm not sure it's working & that's a whole different story) and there are these areas that really are Muslim-only (because informal lending and wanting to keep the community together is such a crime, right?) and they don't integrate and want to impose Sharia law (only he couldn't remember what it was called right then) and you don't know what it's like (he is an engineer surveyor and travels all over to inspect boilers and cooling systems and all sorts of stuff, and this includes into majority-Black or -Asian (Muslim and otherwise) areas in Birmingham - which is not a no-go area for non-Muslims, I'm a deeply agnostic white woman, it's my nearest big city and I wish I went there more often but it's tricky as I don't drive, public transport is bad/inconvenient, and I have no friends to go with except depression and anxiety [which are worse 'friends' than the ones that I found out only liked me in high school because I always had sweets and snacks at lunch so when I got braces and my mouth hurt too much to eat much of anything which meant I certainly didn't have snacks, they dropped me pretty quickly] so apparently he's the expert on all such matters)
What I wish I'd said: *staying very calm* well, and that's your opinion, I'm going, I've got sewing to finish *leaves*
What actually happened:
Me: have you considered that they are able to buy up areas like that because white people leave because of their prejudice against the 'influx'?
Dad: they buy up great areas because they buy in groups (I think this refers to a sort of community lending thing to be compliant with various parts of Islam? [Please correct me if I'm wrong] which is effectively what building societies/credit unions were, at least to begin with, and he doesn't take issue with those) and want to stay together. Why do they do that? Sikhs don't do that, they buy big houses and aren't bothered about being close together.
Me: different religious ethoses? I don't know... But you do know that they people who want the UK to be a caliphate ruled by Sharia law are just a minority, and that most Muslims would not want that at all, just like you?
Dad: but they still do want it, and it could happen, if there was a charismatic leader,
Me: *incredulous* you know it's about as likely for that to actually happen as for strictly Orthodox Jewish people to be able to make this country into another Israel, right? Besides, there are the police, and the armed forces, and intelligence agencies, not to mention the Government and civil service (thought I'd got a win there, he hates the unchanging upper-class-public-school-Oxbridge nature of the people who effectively really run the government, constant no matter the leaning of the elected party, but no) who have a vested interest in preserving themselves in their current state so would be able to stop anything like that
Dad: yes, but the cutting of funding to police and public services means they might not be able to stop it (I realise now that he's oddly economically left-wing but also really quite socially conservative in some ways)
Me: *getting angry* but it's still an absolute minority, most Muslims would be horrified if it really did happen, and have you ever considered that maybe they wouldn't be so ill-disposed to us and to integration if we didn't demand it of them the moment that they arrive, demand that they assimilate or go away (he often uses the phrase "yes, but they're in somebody else's country, they should make an effort") and maybe young people wouldn't be so easily radicalised and people generally mistrust the people who don't try to understand them, you know, want them to change everything about themselves (for instance, Dad is violently opposed to the burqa etc and not really a fan of the hijab - still doesn't get that it's a choice and people can do what they want because apparently 'anyone could be wearing one of those things' - burqas/niqabs, I presume - and that it must all be forced because who would possibly choose to dress like that - I have half a mind to show him those sites about Christian modest dressing (one was a shop and a lot of their range was pretty cute!) that I once found, just to see if that'll prove to him it is a choice thing) *tries to leave*
Dad: *angry* You stay there and listen to me! You're just looking at it from one perspective and that's not the truth, you're so biased and closed-minded, you only look at things your way!
Me: *furious* Really? Really? Am I? *Scoffs/incredulous exhalation* I'm closed-minded, am I?... *Storms out, shouts as I go* I'm not the one who said Enoch Powell was right!!
This is all heavily paraphrased, because I've been writing this for literal hours now and I was angry and don't remember well at the best of times, it may have been worse than how I'm writing it
Also, going to be tricky to patch up but right now I stand by what I said, because I know my perspective is limited, but at least I actually admit that and try to find out what people different to me think, rather than basing all my opinions and things on my own experiences which can't be universal, as he seems to
Other bs my dad said during the two conversations: "don't get so upset about it, it's only history" (which is bold, considering it was the 50th anniversary this year and he was literally 11 years old when it happened so probably saw/heard news coverage)... "Yes of course far right groups use 'Enoch was right' as a slogan, it doesn't mean anything"... Reiterating the 'nothing changed' thing multiple times... Dismissing the fact that Powell said there'd be a civil war because apparently just because the British/Europeans were aggressive conquerors anyone else who came in numbers anywhere would eventually have that aim and how ridiculous that view actually is... Dismissing the fact that Powell basically incited racial hatred and violence with the inclusion of an irrelevant Classical phrase which spread fear on all sides...
I could go on but I'm so tired and don't want to make myself more upset
I love my parents but I really don't like them very much lately but I don't know if I just put up with it or leave sooner or later and if I do leave I don't know where I'd go because no friends
Basically I'm so sorry for my parents' prejudices which I'm still trying to unlearn myself - I apologise wholeheartedly to all Muslim and Jewish people and honestly pretty much everyone they're prejudiced against
#personal#personal post#my ramblings#my rambles#ramblings#rants#my rants#family#british politics#politics#rivers of blood#enoch powell#religion#anti-immigrant sentiment (not mine#i'm so done#and so alone#i just want a friend#and ideally an income of some description#but if i register for jobseekers' allowance/universal credit i will have to try all the time to get jobs of all kinds and i don't know what#i want to do/am qualified to do/can do bc potent cocktail of autism/anxiety/depression/no self-esteem/perfectionism/home situation#im just horribly stresssed and worried about everything and mum won't go to the doctors about her failing physical health to spite me#and dad has the cheek to say don't worry!! oh thanks i'd never thought of that before!#mum had an ovarian cyst when i was a kid & she didn't go to the dr till it was so bad she could hardly walk so she was in hospital for week#and it could've been dealt with so much more easily if she'd gone earlier so i'm so scared it'll happen again#i mean i'll be able to look after us if it does happen again which is good bc grandparents absolutely can't now#anger#very long post#long post#islamophobia tw#racism tw
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