#this doesn't include my mum bc (sadly) she understands what it's like to be shamed for being fat she wouldn't do it to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sensazioneultra · 9 months

Text

fatphobia is always tiring like always always but when it comes from your own family it's like. extra exhausting. it hurts soo bad. you can't ever escape it

#like that one coworker who pokes fun at your relationship with food and it's obviously rooted in fatphobia? you'll just go home and he won't #be there it'll hurt for a bit but you'll live #but like beside super dangerous fatphobia (talking life or death shit like medical fatphobia) the one that does the most damage to me #is that coming from my own family.. it's just. you already put 43 conditions before the 'i love you' (that you don't ever say but anyway)#and then when i gained lots of weight that was... another one to add to the list #but maybe i'm not used to it yet idk it's been quite a few years atp but idk?#it just hasn't gotten easier to hear them call me ugly and fat (in a derogatory way) and make mean comments and shame me every other day #like! it hurts so bad! why do you think it's funny!!!!!!!#this doesn't include my mum bc (sadly) she understands what it's like to be shamed for being fat she wouldn't do it to me #not like in a purposefully mean way at least #tho she does do some insidious shit like always going 'there's this new EASY diet that TOTALLY works' or saying x health problem is probably #due to my weight etc #which like isn't good? doesn't help? still hurts me? but it's different bc i know it's not rooted in hating fat people/me being fat #it's more like her own shit she went thru that she doesn't want me to go thru too and like yeah it's fucked up but i get it more than #just outright saying i am disgusting for being fat lol #like mh both suck but at least you're not joking about the fact even if i didn't eat i would be fine cause i'm so fat haha #yeah. just. a lot.#there's no escaping it i think the only way would be to move the fuck out and that would also help with uh. the misgendering thinly veiled #homotransphobia abuse constantly having to put up w their fighting and sometimes fighting w them myself #and the ableism and and and and #basically this is lowkey hell like i've learned to live with it more or less but jesus it is extremely exhausting #i just want out i've wanted out for years but every day i get closer to losing it #there might be something potentially coming up but i have to wait til the end of the month to see if anything comes of it #we'll see.. i rly hope i can rent this place idc if it's small idc if it'll suck most of my paycheck and i'll have to ask for my mum's help #i just need to at least try and get away cause like. i get to august every year and my father is absolutely impossible to deal with #and i know my mum feels the same and i hate leaving her ajnd my brother too but like #at some point i have to think about myself cause god what use am i even to them when i'm a ghost of myself in this house #it's just shit for everyone plus if i really get to rent that place it's literally IN FRONT of my family's apartment i could still help out #but at least i wouldn't LIVE with them i wouldn't feel so fucking trapped #whatever. bad bad bad day physical pain wise too

7 notes · View notes