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blood-grove · 27 days

Text

//body horror, monster! 141 + reader , death, gn!reader

other; c/n = callsign

a/n: idk how the military works neither do igaf much also this story was not planned this was just something i needed to get out of my system do nto expect it to be good

Shapeshifter!Reader whos always since they were a kid felt itch that there skin was ready to shed and peel like a snake, Who always felt like there body wasn't right had to be perfect flaws and all because that was human.

But they weren't human, weren't hybrid either.

The first time they had ever shifted they were eleven there Father in one of his moods again taking it out on there poor mother.

Something inside them itched at that moment hearing her cries there old dog bite injury felt like it was on fire now as they itched and scratched at it till the skin gave way giving the breathing room for transformation.

The next time they open there eyes they were being kicked there Mother sobbing as she screamed.

Father laid dead mauled beyond recognition.

Did you do that?

Why was she screaming at you?

You were kicked into the foster system the next day narrowly avoiding Juvenile detention your mother had given her last bit of gratitude by explaining to the police that you were defending her you thought she'd praise you after the police left.

You were packing your clothes that night.

You got a DNA test when you arrived due to your mothers alibi to the police.

Human.

They figured it too your mother being clearly traumatized and you sudden violent act of self defense could have made her see anything at moment.

Still didnt explain the injuries that only a dog could cause.

You were 15 when you had a good grasp on what you were.

By 18 you were barely you anymore picked pieces from other peoples faces and bodies till you felt like you looked normal.

By 19 your mother had passed the news reached you slow and the grief went slower.

By 21 you've already been in the military for a while now, If that means with a new face and body each time some higher up sticks there nose into your business then so be it.

Shifting from human to human was easy the more you practiced it.

More harder things like non-humans and animals were doable but animals were getting easier and easier.

You've tried been a K9 once didnt work out for long.

You've had a few nice call signs.

Few you quickly forgot.

[c/s]

Thats been nice to be called recently.

Oh.

Right.

You should focus your meeting your new task force.

Right.

We should focus.

Woof.

Heh.

Its been a few days and wow these guys were something.

Did you mention they were monsters?

Not in a negative way of course.

But getting to know them while they were around base was nice.

Gaz you felt was the easier to get to know the harpy felt open, Talked about how they've never had a human on the team before.

Nice.

Threw Gaz you got to know Soap, You felt like the man was holding back the calm energy around him felt forced at times as the days past both of them seemed to get to know you better and you got to know them better as well.

As for the Captain and Lieutenant you were honestly nervous,

Price had a welcoming aura to him his voice gruff and firm you warmed up to him soon enoug.

Ghost?

You tried.

And shuffled away every time he looked at you.

He noticed.

He noticed?.

You eventually did warm up to Ghost!

You realized he wasn't glaring at you for once and tried to talk to him it was..awkward to many silences but it was a conversation.

So you and him were okay.

Were you okay now weeks later slowly making your place into the team?

No.

You were itching beyond belief this wasn't a good sign—

Actually you didn't even know what kind of sign this was.

You had all just gotten back from a particular rough mission a few more injuries than you all would like you got a few stitches in your arm and every since you could just feel them moving.

Being shifted around stubbornly as if they were a dam in a river.

You couldn't do that here.

You were in the confines of your own room but what if one of them walked in?

Would they report you?

Get you kicked for the military?

Maybe if you could just shift slightly enough to easy the unease under your skin.

The sound of cracking bone was sure to grab attention.

But surely you could just pass it off as stretching?

You could not pass it off as stretching and you were currently hiding in the rafters near sobbing.

Gaz had came in to check on you and caught you half shifted you panicked and lunged at him or the door you couldn't remember you were pretty sure one of your bones were jutting out of your skin as it readjusted into place.

You didn't hurt him.

You were just hoping you could calm yourself enough to shift into something smaller and run away shift into a new person new age try again at childhood maybe?

Maybe you panicking too much?

There also monsters they'd understand?

You didn't mean to lie about what you were.

You just.

The fear of the unknown paralyzed you to afraid of what'll happen what people will think.

You know you could be a threat.

Someone able to take face and shape of anyone?

You could understand if you were saw that way.

But you didn't want to be seen that way.

Every since your mother stared you down in fear not admiration not even shock.

Fear.

You knew you could never let someone look at you that way again.

Not someone you cared about.

Maybe if you hid away long enough they'd forget.

Memories fade.

Faces fade from recognition.

But that's all what you wished what have happened.

Now you were in a awkward stare off with Gaz not to subtly watched your arm pop and snap back into place along with your head.

"I see I should have knocked.."

"Yeah you should have."

A voice of not your own replied.

You hated when your body was out of sync.

You were using the wrong voice again, rearranging your own brain and vocal cords was odd.

Odder when one of your new teammates watched.

"Are- Are you okay?-"

"No" Ghost's voice replied.

"Oh..I-..Er..Do you..need a medic I.."

"No" Your own voice replied finally.

"Can you please leave..My ribs are still not in place and I doubt you'd want to see how that works."

He left.

Probably to tell Price rather then not wanting to see you basically play with your own rib cage like tuning a piano.

a/n; idk where this was going i did not plan this out i just wrote it on a whim

#cod #reader #task force 141 #cod 141 #simon ghost riley #captain john price #john price #soap cod #john soap mactavish #cod ghost #gaz garrick #gaz cod #monster 141 #gn reader

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boydepartment · 10 months

Note

Hey pookie,, may I request a rich!enhypen headcanon(?) where they spoils the reader. Thank you🥰🥰😚😚

thank you for requesting ILY! sorry it was late!!! i haven’t felt well!!!

MASTERLIST

Rich! Enha x Reader- Headcanons

Jungwon- Jungwon always wants what's best for his baby! You can expect to get the best quality food, clothes, jewelry, etc. He wants you to feel the best. You've reassured him multiple times that he doesn't have to but part of him loves that he can take care and provide for you. He loves spoiling you and seeing your shocked face at the new thing he bought you. "Jungwon you didnt have to!"

"Oh I know! I just wanted to :]"

Heeseung- Unlike Jungwon, Heeseung I could see spoiling you with more stuff like a new car, or next months rent totally paid already. He loves to spoil you in practical ways that make your life easier. When your life is easier he knows you'll be happier which makes him happy. That is what is most important to him. Plus when you're in a better mood you smooch him more- so its a win win. "Oh next months rent is paid by the way"

"WHAT? Again? Heeseung you didn't have to..."

"I know I just love you, I wanna help whenever I can."

Jay- Jay is a mix of both. Anything you want you can ask for and he will deliver. Sometimes he will deny you, but then when you get home its already there on your bed. He loves to surprise you and he loves seeing you happy. So he pays for your bills on top of little surprises. He will never admit it but he likes the little :< you do when you ask for something and he says no at first. "Jay oh my god can we get this? I think it would look so pretty in the living room!"

"No."

":<“

"fine... :)"

Jake- Total husband material. The way you're feeling is really important to him. If he notices you're stressed it's an immediate vacation for the both of you. He absolutely loves traveling with you so it works out because he doesn't have to go alone. If he's on a work trip you are going with him. Anything you want from said country he will get for you. He loves seeing you stress free and if running away for a couple days is what does it- then he will drop everything for you. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I am... Thank you, I really needed this."

"Anytime :)"

Sunghoon- Sunghoon really enjoys doing things with you, so to spoil you (on top of endless clothes and little handbags) he likes taking random fun classes with you. Like a cooking class in Italy or an Art class in France. All of the classes he makes sure are fun and he loves that he can experience new things with you "I CANNOT BELIEVE WE COOKED THIS!"

"We did SO well- I told you those classes were a good idea!"

Sunoo- Anytime Sunoo is stressed he goes to you and tells you that you guys are going on a trip. On that trip he spoils you with anything you want. That dress you eyed at the store but then put it down due to the price? That is going to be your next birthday present. That bracelet that you loved so much in the store? He came back later to pick it up for you. Sunoo takes notes on what you like especially on getaways and he brings everything home without you knowing. "Was this from our trip to Hawaii like 3 months ago?"

"Mhm! I noticed you eyeing it!"

Ni-ki- Honestly, Riki is kinda insane. He would be the type of rich person to like go pet lions or something just for the thrill of it. I hope you like adrenaline because those experiences are very common with him. However, he does spoil you in little ways. Riki is kind of shy so whenever he buys you something he always leaves it for when he's not there. The presents are always very cute and thoughtful. Jewelry with your anniversary date on it, etc. "Why'd you leave? I wanted to open my present form you with you..."

"I- Just open it or whatever..."

"AWWWWW RIKI!"

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thisisnotkitty · 5 months

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hello securitywaiter nation have you thought about ness being abby’s teacher bc I HAVE

below the cut because i can't shut up ever :D

-abby does well enough in school academically but is still needs some work in the socioemotional dept

-when she starts a new school year mike is a bit worried but then she comes back home absolutely ecstatic and mike is like “okay this is good”

-she talks all about how mr. ness lets her color while he teaches and how mr. ness gave them all name tags w silly drawings (hers is a bear) etc etc

-mike is actually really happy bc most teachers have a hard time understanding abby (heck, he has a hard time understanding her) so he’s looking forward to meeting this mr. ness during back to school night

-it goes on like this for awhile, with abby raving about mr. ness and mike is just happy that his little sister seems to be doing better in school. the first time she comes home talking about these kids she hung out with at recess he practically cries

-back to school night is here and the first time mike sees this mr. ness he’s like abby u traitor you didnt tell me this man was exactly my type (he doesn’t actually tell her bc he never brings up his lovelife around her - not that he’s had much of one - but still isn’t this the type of things siblings know intrinsically)

-anyways they’re having the kids show their guardians around the classroom and their seats and everything and then mr. ness is explaining the way his class works and mike is totally paying attention. yup. he’s not distracted by those chocolate brown eyes at ALL

-so they’re waiting to do the one-on-ones with the teacher and mike crouches down next to abby and tries to be all chill “hey, abs. has mr. ness ever mentioned a partner or anything?” acting all nonchalant

-but abby sees right through him and is immediately like “he’s single! do u want me to put in good word for you?” and mikes like “NO i have no idea what ur talking about haha i just wanted to know bc it’s important to know that about ur teachers okay wait why are you smiling like that”

-(abby’s a little menace and already ships it)

-when it’s finally their turn mike is just chanting to himself “be normal. be normal. be normal” lmao

-but now that he’s sitting face to face with the teacher he notices that he has freckles and every chance he had at playing it cool goes out the window

-ness is telling him all about how well abby is doing in class and if there was anything he could do to make it easier for her in the classroom and abby’s just sitting there looking at mike internally screaming with a smile

-so she turns to her teacher and is like “you should get mike’s number just in case something comes up. he’ll probably think of some things later since he’s been taking care of me alone for awhile” (bc u know when kids do that things where they kinda trauma dump at the most random moments lmao)

-and ness at first refuses and is like “im sure email works just fine!” and abby’s like WHYY is he not just taking the bait and then she has like a lightbulb moment

-bc ness probably assumes like everyone else that mike is a single father and abby’s his daughter and abby’s like oh no how do i make this work

-so she goes full anya mode (for my spy x family watchers) and is like “im sure mike would appreciate having your number on hand! he’s a very protective older brother you see. taking care of his little sister must be hard. i’m sure being a big brother like him is hard so it’d be for his peace of mind. did i mention he’s my older brother”

-and ness also has a little bit of a crush already forming so he doesn’t catch the obvious set up and is instead distracted by the fact that the handsome guy in front of him is in fact NOT a single father so maybe he does have a chance wowow

-yup so they exchange numbers andddddd ill come back to this later i really need coffee

#do i know what grade abby is in?? no #do i even have a vague idea of how i could muddle the ages for this work? also no #i am literally jsut here what more do u want from me #yknow purple rotting michael when he done got scooped #thats what i feel like with the amount of brain rot that i have #im actually so mentally ill its insane #also i very specifically wait for someone else to post on the tag before i make another post #bc i ahve wayy too many thoughts on these two #fnaf #fnaf movie #kitty.twt #ness the waiter #securitywaiter #mike schmidt #mike x ness #fnaf ness #abby schmidt #i love abby being securitywaiter shipper no. 1

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witchersmistress · 9 months

Text

Hot Rage

Hello my darlings!! well here is the part that some of you have been waiting for... i'll be honest here, i felt like i could do better with it but i didnt want it to feel cheap and half done

Trigger Warnings: Anger, Some bodily damage, August just being a Dick

Word count: 4K

August POV

I open Baron’s door and pull up short. Lo is sprawled on her back across the California king, her arms wide and her blonde hair fanned out around her while her legs stretch up the upholstered headboard. Her skirt pools around her hips, exposing long, tan legs. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I ask. She sits up, throwing her hair back like a fucking stripper and curling her legs on the bed beside her. “Oh, hey, August,” she says, like she didn’t sell me out to a snake.

“Why are you in my brother’s room?” I ask again, my voice hard. “Unlike you, your brothers didn’t kick me to the curb” she says. “So, I’m hanging out. What does it look like?” “Do you really want me to answer that question?” She runs her fingers through her blonde strands, bleached from a summer on the beach, and straightens her spine. “In case you’ve forgotten, I’m still in college,” she says. “While you and Dawson go traipsing off to the real world, I’m stuck here for another year before Yale notices me.” “And letting two guys take turns with you all year is going to get you noticed? I’m not sure you understand how college admission works.” “Fuck you, August. Just because Harper ran off when you dumped her, that doesn’t give you a license to make everyone else as miserable as you.” “You sure about that?” I mutter, unable to hold onto my anger when she’s looking at me with such unflinching, raw hurt in her eyes. Baron emerges from the bathroom and nods at me before dropping into his recliner. “What’s up?” “Get her out of here,” I say.

It’s easier to be a dick through him. “She’s not welcome here anymore.” Baron raises a brow and reaches for his cup of suckers. “What did I ever do to you?” Lo demands. I could tell her, but I don’t want to do it in front of Baron, so I don’t bother. “Go home,” I say. “I need to talk to Baron.” “Nobody told me there was a party going on,” Duke says, stopping in the doorway. “Where’s the beer?” He swings open the glass door of Baron’s minifridge and pulls out a handful of bottles. “That’s why I’m here,” Lo says, shaking her hair into place and reaching for a beer. “Your parents are so much cooler than mine.” “Forget it,” I snap, smacking Duke’s hand away when he holds out a beer. “Hold up,” Baron says. “What do you need?” “To know when a video was shot. I’ll come back when you’re done running a train on Lo.” “Ooh, is this about Harper’s porn site?” Lo asks, swinging her legs off the side of the bed. I glare at her. This is what I get for letting her in, for letting myself use her to fill a hole another girl left in my life.

She’s wormed her way into everything, and I can’t extricate her from the hundred little places she’s cemented herself. Insults don’t work with her. She’s oblivious or unperturbed by words. “What?” Duke howls. “Harper has a porn site?” “I just need to know when it was filmed,” I say, glowering at Baron. “The rest of you can leave.” “Fuck that,” Duke says. “I want to see Harper doing porn!” “Come on,” Gloria says, taking his arm. “I have the link. I can show you.” “Show him that shit and see what happens,” I growl. Lo raises a brow and takes a sip of her beer. “So, I can stay?” I glare back at her. Why am I protecting Harper?

She either filmed that before we met, and she’s a fucking liar, or when we were together, and she’s a liar and a cheater. Or, she filmed it recently, and she’s not sitting around thinking about protecting me, that’s for damn sure. “Whatever,” I grit out. “Stay, you fucking dyke.” Gloria smirks at me and leans into Duke, who puts an arm around her. “We just want to help,” he says, giving me a sloppy grin. “Right, Lo?” “Exactly,” she says like some smug bitch who just bested me. At least this way I can control what she sees. I know she can’t afford to watch even a minute of the video on her own, but she’s not above using Duke to get what she wants. I pull it up on Baron’s computer while he slides to his second monitor to watch. “Apple cream pie?” Gloria says, crossing her arms and looking over my shoulder. “Clever.” “Damn,” Duke says, giving a low whistle. “A grand a minute? She sure thinks highly of that worn out pussy.” “Shut up,” I snap, turning to Baron. “Can you tell when it was shot?” “If she’s getting that for the video, you think she’s getting more for the sex?” Lo asks. “Dude, that’s not how porn works,” Duke says. “That’s how it’s legal. You don’t get paid for sex. You get paid for the performance.” Baron shakes his head and pulls his sucker out of his mouth to talk. “You can’t access this. It was a live feed streamed to your messages. All these were. Once the show’s over, it’s over. He may have recorded them while he was fucking her, but you only got the live stream.” “I can’t believe she sent you those,” Gloria says. “That’s fucking cold. What did you do to the poor girl?” That’s a question I will never answer. I always meant to wreck her, just like we did Mabel.

But if I found out Mabel was doing porn, I’d shake my head and maybe laugh, thinking we really ruined her for other guys. Harper isn’t Mabel, though. “It could be someone else,” Duke says, but there’s no conviction in his voice. We all know it’s her. Even if someone got the exact same tattoos as Harper, she wouldn’t have a body like that. “Yeah,” Lo says. “That’s not her OnlyWords handle. Maybe someone else sent it. Which of your enemies would send you something like that to fuck with you? Colt?” That’s not a question we’re going to answer when she’s in the room. Baron scrolls up through a dozen thumbnails she sent me this summer, none of which I watched. “Here’s a recorded clip.” He pays up, pops the sucker in his mouth, and starts the video. He goes to work, doing his magic to dissect whatever coding is behind the video, not even watching the screen. I can’t watch, either. When I see the dick come out of the guy’s pants, I think I’m going to fucking lose my sanity. “Turn it off,” I snapped.

The minute runs out before there’s a dick in her, but it’s no better. I already saw five minutes that I can never forget. I can feel myself slipping away, under the surface where it’s calm. Baron watches me for a second, like he’s waiting to see if I’ll lose it like I did when I saw that sadistic fuck Colin coming out of our house. But I’m in control, just like he is. Duke’s too busy feeling up Gloria and dumping beer down his throat to think right now, but Baron’s sharp. He knows what this means. “What can you tell?” “It was filmed this summer,” he says quietly. For a minute, none of us speak. Even Duke’s finally gotten serious, his face sober as his gazes meet ours. She’s alive. I don’t know what I expected, something welling up inside, rage or relief, but nothing comes. I knew she was alive. Some part of me always knew. I didn’t go wander the swamp thinking I’d find her bones. I didn’t sit under the tree where we left her to mourn her each evening. Maybe some fucked up part of me was waiting for her to return, to tell me I had it all wrong or at least explain herself. It wasn’t something rational. Of course she’s not going to go back to the place we tried to kill her. She’s not me. But some unconscious part of my mind must have been waiting for that. An explanation as to how she could do that. How she could have fooled me so hard. Something to convince me she wasn’t like all the other Darlings. But she is. She played me, she took her punishment, and she moved on with some other guy. And now, she’s trying to destroy me for what I did to her. She knows me so well that she knows even after what I did, I can’t let her go. She knows she still has claws in me, and she’s going to make me pay until she drives me over the edge.

I tried to kill her, but she’s the one who will succeed. She’ll keep going until I’m dead. Then she’ll be satisfied. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think she filmed that,” Gloria says, looking at me with something way too fucking close to pity. “That’s obvious. The guy is holding the phone,” Duke says, gesturing to the thumbnail left once Baron rejects the prompt to put in another thousand to keep watching. “I meant, that’s a dude’s homemade porn,” Lo says. “Not a girl’s.” I narrow my eyes at her. “What, you make porn now? Since when are you the expert?” “No,” she says slowly. “Stop being a dick and I might tell you.” I cross my arms and glare down at her. “Explain.” “I’m just saying, a dude’s going to get all up close and personal with the act of penetration. Like that.” She gestures to the screen. “If it was Harper trying to make you eat your heart out, she’d give you something less crude than a closeup shot of her lady business. She’d give you her face, some inviting smiles or come-hither looks. She’d drive you crazy, make you wonder if she’d go through with it before she got to the killing blow. She’d want you to see her face when he put it in.” “Dude, you’re evil,” Duke says, pushing her away. Gloria grins like he just gave her the highest compliment and takes a swig of beer. “There’s plenty of tease in the live video,” I say. “He’s rubbing his dick all over her. And she’d never show her face. She’s more obsessed with college than you are.” “I stand by my reasoning,” she says. “Even if she wasn’t showing her face, she’d still tease. She’d undress for the camera, touch herself, let you see her climbing on the dude. This is just fucking.” “That’s the good stuff,” Duke points out. “See?” Gloria gestures to him, widening her eyes at me. “I rest my case.” “Or maybe she’s not making porn for you, Lo,” Baron argues. “Maybe she’s a pro and knows what guys like.” “Hm, I doubt it,” Gloria says. “I mean, I suppose it’s possible. But I’m willing to bet a guy is behind that screen name.” “You need to leave,” I say. She’s probably right, but I need to talk to my brothers now, figure out a game plan. I know what they’ll say already, though. The problem was taken care of. She didn’t die, but she kept her mouth shut. It doesn’t matter where she is or what happened to her as long as she didn’t go to the cops or make trouble for our family. It’s fine. She disappeared just like Mabel. She’s gone. That’s what we wanted, after all. “Walk me home,” Lo says. “And I’ll go quietly.” I grit my teeth, but she just sips her beer and waits. I yank the bottle out of her hand and shove it at Duke. “Let’s go.” I grab her by the back of the neck and haul her out of there. I’d let her walk her ass home on her own if I trusted her not to lurk and snoop.

She’s worse than Harper when she gets something in her head. When we step out into the baking August heat, I give her a little shove toward her house. “This is the last time I’m walking you home,” I snap. “Fine,” she says. “I knew it would be.” For a minute, we stalk along beside each other, neither of us speaking. “You told her, didn’t you?” I ask at last. “Told who what?” “Don’t fucking bullshit me, Lo,” I say. “She knew, and there’s only one person who could have told her.” Gloria’s eyes widen, and she visibly gulps. “I…” “Don’t,” I snap. “I don’t want any excuse. I just want to hear you say it.” “I’m sorry,” she blurts. We stop at the end of her driveway. She stares up at me with her big blue eyes shiny with crocodile tears. Fuck her. She doesn’t get to cry about fucking betraying me, trying to make me feel bad. I have to ball my hands into fists so I don’t reach out and choke the shit out of her. “Say it.” “I didn’t mean to,” she wails, a tear spilling down her cheek. I hold up a hand. “I don’t want to hear a single word out of your mouth except a confession,” I say. “So until you have that, don’t speak to me. Don’t text or call. And don’t let me see you in my fucking house.

My brothers are too good for your conniving, low-class, fake-ass family.” I hit her where it hurts—her family’s financial situation. She’s not the only one who knows secrets. I know they’re all on scholarship because they can’t afford Georgia State. Hell, Dad sponsored their scholarships last year. I know that everything about them is as fake as the manicured lawn and custom landscaping outside the house they inherited from an uncle because they were destitute. Gloria swallows and wipes her tears away, squaring her shoulders and facing me like the tough chick she is and not the sniveling little bitch she plays to get sympathy. “I told her,” she says. Her voice is weak, barely above a whisper. But I respect her for having the decency to say it to my face. “I know,” I say. “And now you can be dead to me, too.” turning on my heels, leaving her standing at the bottom of her driveway, strolling back to ours, the sun beating on the pavement.

The phone in my breast pocket starts to vibrate. Pulling it out and answering "Walker '' I snap at the person on the other end " Hello.. Mr. Walker.. it's Ann, the property manager over at 217 Lancaster Drive” Shit right, I'd forgotten about her house i haven't been there in weeks. “ Yes, apologies, what can I do for you Ann?” i heard shuffling on the other end of the line “ I need to make an alteration to the grocery order, most of the produce and meats have gone bad” not really caring at this point “Yes of course do what you need to do, i'll be by in a little while”

More shuffling over the phone, “Good sir, very good, it'll do the young lady here some good to have some company” I stopped in my tracks “What young lady Ann?” but she had already hung up the phone. Racing back to my driveway, I hop in my Range Rover and take off like a bat out of hell to find out who in the hell she was talking about.

Harper’s POV

I looked back over my shoulder at the prestigious façade of the CIA one last time before climbing into Mr. D’s truck. It feels surreal in a different way from when I’d walk in August’s world. Now, it just seems unreal altogether, like coming back for a ten-year reunion, a different girl in a different decade than the one I was when I went here. No one else has been here since the evacuation. I just had to talk to the admin, who are here getting ready for everyone to return. Even though most of the surrounding buildings have been cleared to go back to work, our building doesn't return until the first of September, so there was no chance of running into anyone I know. I pull up onto the side of the road in front of my house, since Ann’s car is in the driveway. She’s halfway out the front door, struggling to haul a mountain of grocery bags inside with both hands.

I hop down and go to help her drag the haul inside. “What’s the occasion?” I ask. “Are you having a party?” She stands up and flicks her hair out of her eyes, leaning a palm on the edge of the counter and surveying me. “I didn’t buy all this,” she says. “ My employer had it delivered” She laughs as I shrug and start putting away groceries. If Mr. D wants to feed me even though I didn’t return his truck, I’m not about to complain. The bags are full of stuff I’d never buy—instead of discount hamburger, there’s steak; instead of instant rice, it’s quinoa; instead of canned green beans there are bags of fresh vegetables I never ate before living with Mr. D and sure as fuck don’t know how to cook. What do people even do with artichokes? When I’m done putting stuff up, I head back out to grab the packet of stuff the admin gave me to look over and fill out. I’m not motivated the way I used to be, when I wanted to leave Georgia, but it’s as if I’m coming out of shock. My brain is still moving slow, processing things in a disjointed way. Which explains why I’m three steps out the front door before I see what’s waiting for me. My heart stops in my chest.

August Walker is standing by the Escalade.

My brain balks for a second, as if it can’t comprehend this vision out of my worst nightmare and fit it into reality. Instinct tells me to turn and run back into my house, to slam and lock the door, to crawl back into the bed that I never should have left. He’s here. Everything I did was for nothing. Mr. D was never going to risk showing his face to the world to expose the Walkers. He just sat there in his apartment with me all summer, doing nothing. I should have known August was untouchable. I should have known the Darlings had already lost. I should have known I was the only loser left in the game. But here’s the thing about someone taking everything you own—your body, your soul—and destroying even the darkest, most hidden parts of it. There’s nothing left for them to break. So I don’t run back in the house. Because fuck August Walker. Fuck them all. I’ll drive over him if he tries to stop me. I march straight up to the truck, the muddy splatters on the sides somehow endearing instead of sloppy.

August just stands there watching me approach, his expression almost wary, like I’m some demon risen from the dead after he watched the life drain out of me with his own eyes.

I suppose I am. “What’s the matter, never seen a girl in a truck before?” I ask as I unlock the door with the fob. “Or do you think I’m a ghost?” “Why the fuck are you in that truck?” he asks. “Maybe it’s mine,” I say. “A whore needs her wheels.” “That’s not your truck,” he says, glaring at me from hollowed out eyes with shadows under them, like he hasn’t slept in days. “What, you know every vehicle in Georgia?” “I know every Darling’s vehicle,” he counters. “And why are you dressed like… That?” His gaze travels down my body, and I have to fight the urge to cover myself, though there’s nothing sexual in his look. It’s an examination, as detached as Baron’s assessing gaze. I was just going to get something from the back seat, but I know I won’t be able to walk back inside and act normal. Not when he’s here, when he can find me so easily, come back for me. I might act tough, but inside… The screams I can’t force out in my nightmares are playing on repeat, the time loop I never visit spinning at breakneck speed. I need to feel bigger, more in control, to have something solid to hold onto.

I climb up into the high seat, so I’m taller and surrounded by steel, and I turn to face him. “What’s this about, August? You’re afraid that since I lived after you tried to kill me, again, that there’s a witness to what you did? Don’t worry, even if I went to the cops, I’m sure your brothers and the rest of Georgia States’s football team would back them up and say they didn’t rape me that night.” “What are you talking about?” August demands, stepping toward the open door of the truck. My entire being recoils, and my heart beats once, so hard I have to press my fist to my chest to keep from crying out. He stops, watching me with that dark, brooding gaze. I force myself to speak like I’m not smothering on the air itself. “Even if I filed a report, and could afford a lawyer, who do you think a jury would believe?” I ask quietly. “One whore from the bad side of town, or the entire football team full of golden boys from Georgia State?” His jaw clenches, and he rests a hand on the open door. It’s not a threatening pose, but all I can think is that I can’t close the door now. I’m trapped.

My body is screaming at me to scramble across the seat, jump out the far door, and run until my heart explodes. But I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing my fear. “It wasn’t the whole football team,” he says, his voice low, a stitch between his brows like he’s genuinely confused. “You know that. You rode in the car with us. It was just the twins.” “Until you left,” I whisper, wishing I’d never engaged, that I’d turn and run the other way when I saw him waiting at the truck. We stare at each other for a long moment, and the rest of the world seems to fall away—the buzz of crickets, the stifling afternoon heat, the smell of exhaust and baked asphalt. “Harper…” August says at last. His eyes, his voice, are so full of the pain that always got to me. I thought it made us kindred spirits, that we were both battling some inner darkness. Now I know the truth. Nothing can help him. His evil knows no bounds. I’m not the demon. He’s the demon, the one who possessed me and stole my soul, leaving nothing behind. I’m the empty shell of a girl, all that’s left after the demon gets what it wants and moves on to the next victim. “No,” I hissed, turning to kick his arm off the door.

I put all the force I can behind it, and he actually winces, rubbing his arm as I reach for the door handle. “Don’t you dare apologize. You’re a sick, broken man, and now I’m broken, too. I will never recover from what you did to me. You don’t get to make yourself feel better about it now.” I slam the door in his face and fumble the keys into the ignition, my heart racing and my hands shaking so hard it takes three tries to get the truck started. I don’t look to see if he’s clear of the vehicle. I slam on the gas, and it lurches forward, powerful and dangerous. It’s not enough, though. I’m like August in his big, bulked up body with his little shattered soul hiding inside. I still feel small and helpless inside the huge monster. I’ll never feel safe again. When I get to Mr. D’s, I sit in the garage and punch the steering wheel until my knuckles bleed, and for the first time since it happened, I let myself cry.

#henry cavill #henry cavill characters #august walker fanfic #henry cavill x you #henrycavill smut #henry cavill thirst #august walker fanfiction #august walker imagines #henry cavill imagine #august walker

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thelastkaj · 15 days

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#ttrpg art #ttrpg #ttrpg design #art #artists on tumblr #dnd art #sägen #sägen ttrpg

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freeshephoun · 5 months

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please please please tell your adrian headcanons im so curious!!!!! and also maybe gordon and barney if you like :]

oh boy this is gonna be a lot. apologies for any misstypes in advance!!

click to read my thoughts on the 3

okay ffirst off shephard! shes tfem which is why i will be using she/her for her. also ahes filipino-american. shephard is autistic and mute and struggles to understand the people around her sometimes. it makes her upset when she doesnt.

its a reason why she is better with aliens. they dont work like humans do and it is easier for her to connect with them even when they dont speak the same language. and the bond she has especially with spore launcher is indescribable.

spore launcher (or spore for short) is a creature she found in the black mesa facility. its an alien that, when you feed it something, it can spit it out and it works basically like a grenade launcher. at first shephard had no idea what to do with that thing. he gave it a little pat on the head and it chirped and since then theyve been best friends. you can not tear them apart.

shephard has a lot of little cat scrstches feom spores spikey exterior aswell as some acid burns here and there. it comes free with having an alien friend/pet.

Shephard also managed to get spore into stasis. everything else was taken but she could keep spore. also coming to stasis ive got some thoughts on it.

while gordon was basically in a coma in stasis, Shephard wasnt. she didnt even have a choice what to do. she was just taken and detained. and since she was detained, gman didnt put her to sleep. shephard has been in that osprey for all this time. awake. if it werent for spore she would've probably gone insane.

being in stasis also fucked up her feeling of like everything. ypu dont get tired, exhausted, hungry or thirsty. you cant even feel pain or die.

(cw sensitive topic, bit similar to sh) in an attempt to feel anything she sometimes did some stupid shit. mostly punching or slamming her body against walls or purposefully touching spores acid. that reeeeally fucked up her perception of pain and her tolerance and it still shows afterwards. (cw end)

outside of stasis she still struggles with the perception of pain. it is pretty dangerous and she basically relies on gordon or barney to tell her hey you got fucked up bad we should get you first aid.

and sometimes when she sees it she spirals down into this specific feeling where everything feels like stasis again. when was the last time she ate? why does it feel so alone again why is it so quiet? why is akl she can hear her own mind?

shes going thru it🔥🔥

jumping a bit shephard doesnt like physical touch. shes very sensitive to it and gets overwhelemed by too much physical touch. her lovd languages are acts of service. she isnt good at comforting someone or showing her care for someone so openly. its more that she guards you when around you. makes sure youre safe. you need a moment of alone time? she will make sure no one bothers you.

my friend wrote a scene that describes it perfectly so ill quote it: "In the distance, the parade could be heard. At the entrance of the alleyway, Shephard seemed to stand guard, occasionally looking back at them as the parade passed by."

for tthe other 2 and their love languages: barney is the physical affection guy. giving and receiving. hes also good at comforting people just by being there. gordon on the other hand is good with giving words of affirmation. its his love language. and on the receiving is quality time (shephard too i forgot to mention)

they are very dear 2 me.

also their fighting styles. ive thought of it before and how it differs. gordon thinks, finds an answer that works and then executes it. shephard thinks a little but she mostly just acts on instinct. and barney? hes jus tlike yeah no thinking is for nerds watch me solo this guy. hes silly like that

my friend (again) made smthg that portrays this very well: "Gordon would calculate the triangulation before he threw a grenade over a wall. Shephard would stand on a box so she could throw it over the wall without hassle. Barney would just lob it and pray"

gordon is a very sarcastic man. barney understands his saecasm oerfectly but shephard struggles to do so which is why gordon avoids sarcasm around her.

shep and barney on occasions have their 5 minutes. kind of like zoomies. it usually ends in chaos because they tried something stupid again. which is why gordon rarely allows them in his lab. actually never. but barney will still come down when it gets late and gordon hasnt even been up to eat something and basically force gordon to stop for the day.

how? he just scoops gordon up and carries him out. batney is a security guard who survived the resonance cascade, the 7 hour war, manages to get through as underciver civil service despite the hard security measures of fhe combine aswell as fighting agains the combine and staying alive for all these years. that man is strong.

he wwouldnt mamage to carry both gordon and shephard though. thats what shep does. she carries them both with one arm.

this also reminds me shephard needs a routine. she can not do without one. you will see her follow the military training camp routine eeveryday. if she doesnt do it it messes up her whole day.

also wwhile i will draw them a lot probably in their hl clothes and not hl2 clothes, if thes would have ever met its definitely in hl2 or after. i jsut dont like drawing barneys combine outfit thats why.

Shephard was thrown into the hl2 universe by gman. maybe ill even incorporate return 2 ravenholm im this if i ever elaborate on that more. she builds up her own wa yof living there. the camera drones dont manage ti actually detect her due to her gas mask. they detect humans by having a face and if they don't? thats not a human then. she doesnt know that though.

she made herself st home in an outpost outside of city 17. it used to belong to the residtance but got raided by thr combine and has since then become abandoned. at ome point shephard manages to boot up the equipment there. she gains access to a lot of old information that was stored in this outpost.

the resistance of cours enotices shit wait an old outpost was activated again whats going on there. they send a group of people to investigate but urrm uh yeah didnt work out. shephard had a little ace up her sleeve (spore and her acid). but eith that they hope to confirm it is at least not the combine because they have never used that alien species as it completely ceased to exist after the black mesa incident.

im not too sure abt thid though the way this goes might change very well depending om what i feel like.

anyway uuh sheohard goes into the city to restock some supplies. she has some good connections at this point and has heard from the resistance. and well when she goes there to restock she meets barney.

this is btw like a place where they help out citizens who are struggling, often wanted by the combine. they live off donations, mostly coming from the resistance themself.

when barney sees shephard, this guy in a fucking military uniform hes just like. boy you coming with me now. and drags her to the resistance thingy there.

or something like that. not too sure about that at all. again might change however i feel like it

also i definetly forgot a ton of things but ive been writing this for 1 1/2 hours now. if you want to know more about specific things feel free 2 aks i LOVE sharing my freeshephoun thoughts with people

also as a treat here i drew them as the power piff girls once

#half life #hl talk #freeshephoun #infodump

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zhuhongs · 1 year

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hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.

in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.

and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think

#🐌.txt #i just dropped off my shit at my friends moms place. now im going home to shower and clean my room.#then im going to get dinner and then go clubbing with my cousin #tomorrow I'll return my room and head down to taichung. and then just vibe. process everything. explore. im really nit expecting much.#i just know i have to keep seeing as much as i can til i leave. and then. fucking... 2 days at my friends moms place. and then. thats #fucking it folks!!! ship my ass back to the US!!

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fangirlstorycreator · 1 year

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Max Parish X Reader

Context: Max gives you a suprise present for your birthday 💚

Ever since you knew Max, he always liked going above and beyond to make you smile. Even before you two got together, he did everything he could to make your day better. That also included birthdays, your birthday was tomorow and he didnt know what he could get you. On previous birthdays he had given you jewellery, clothes, romantic dinners out, naughty nights in 😏 and many more. But he just didnt know what he could get you now.

"Babes, what would you like for your birthday?" "Oh I dont need anything Max, don't worry about getting me a gift this year" "But it's your birthday, I want to show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you" His words warm your heart, and you pull him in for a sweet kiss. "I love you too Max, and you are all i could ever want. Let's just spend the day together tomorow, hows that?" "If that's what you want, let's do that. Oh, will you be wanting the 'Parish Special'?" You giggle at him, because that means he's going to be pulling all of his best moves in the bedroom. "A birthday with the 'Parish Special' is a perfect way to spend our time together" Sharing another kiss again, you both got ready for bed and went to sleep.

But Max couldn't sleep, he was desperate to do something for you, he wanted to make your birthday special. He was scrolling through his Facebook when he came across a post from a friend of his, and his friends dog had given birth to puppy's a few weeks ago, and there was one puppy left who needed a home. That's when Max remembered something you spoke to him about years ago, when you had a puppy growing up and would love to be able to have one again. And that was it! He sneaked out of bed, being careful not to disturb you and made a call to his friend in the living room. After he finished the call, he grabbed his jacket, snuck out of the flat and didnt return until a few hours later.

He set himself an early alarm clock, you never heard them so luckily you didnt wake up. But Max got out of bed just as the sun was coming up, and again, sneaked out of the house to where his friend was. A few hours later, you wake up in bed and have a good stretch. But when you look over, you see that Max isn't there. "Max? Babe?" Then he walks into the bedroom, holding a trey of breakfast and some orange juice, with a little vase and a rose in it. "Oh Max, this is so sweet of you, thank you. And hear I thought that YOU were going to be my breakfast in bed" Max chuckles at you, leans in and gives you a kiss, then places the trey on your lap.

"Well that can still happen if you'd like babes. Happy birthday Y/N" "Thank you Max, this is a lovely way to wake up" "Well, once you have eaten that, I'd like you to come with me into the living room. I have a surprise for you" "A suprise? You know Max if you wanted to give me the 'Parish Special' it would be much easier to do it in hear. Remember the last time we had sex in the living room? We broke 2 lamps!" "Yeh well, we were both very flexible that day" He says as you both laugh. "But honestly babes, your suprise present is waiting for you living room" "Max I told you I dont need you to get me anything" "You say that now, but just you wait until you see it"

You finish up your breakfast, get dressed and go into the living room where Max is waiting, with a large colourful box on the floor. "Happy birthday babe!" You are slightly confused at this point. "You got me a box?" You ask playfully, he just chuckles and takes you by your hand, guiding you onto the floor where the box is. "Take a look inside" The box isnt wrapped up, but there is a loosely tied bow on the top, you pull at it gently, move the pieces of the box away from eachother and that's when you see what's inside. "Oh my god Max, you didnt" "Oh but I did babes"

You reach into the box and pull out a little fluffy brown puppy, only a few weeks old. It's so cute and soft and it has the most beautiful eyes. You hold it close to your chest as you give it a little cuddle and stroke its fur. "Oh Max, shes adorable" "Oh, it's a he actually, a boy" "Max I cant belive you bought me a puppy, this is the best gift you could ever get me. How did you manage this?" "Well I know you said you didnt need anything for your birthday, but I still wanted to do something for you. And my friends dog had one puppy left from a litter and noone wanted him. But I knew that you would fall in love with him as soon as you laid eyes on the little guy" "How did you manage to sneak a puppy into the flat?" "Well I popped out to the pet shop last night before it closed and got a few essentials for him, then early this morning I went to my friends house and picked him up"

The puppy is looking up at you, and your heart fills with so much love. "Thank you Max, hes perfect. Just like you" You say before giving Max a sensual kiss. "So what's his name Max?" "Well actually, he doesn't have a name yet. He is your puppy after all, why dont you pick?" Looking at the little ball of cuteness in your arms, one name pops into your mind. "Alfie. I think he suits Alfie"

#thomas ian griffith #sensei targaryen #max parish x reader #max parish

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cogpulse · 2 years

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please please PLEASE tell me your secrets to your coloring it's so nice to look at and it's exactly what im trying to do

oh im so glad to hear T__T!!!! im REALLY bad at explaining things, especially stuff that kinda came naturally but ill try my best.

most of my coloring knowledge was built upon by observing other peoples art and like, color picking so i could try and get a grasp of what made them work.

when coloring i ALWAYS have the hsv (hue saturation value) slider open along with the color wheel--- its this thing

reason for that is: Itll make color adjusting SO much easier. saturation is how vibrant/grey the tone will be and value is the same but its for making it darker/lighter.

one of my own personal rules while coloring is that i never use white but rather exchange it for off-whites. I just think it looks better but also it can help you with decision making as well. sometimes i break it tho

i find it important bc it kind of sets the mood? of the piece. Like i can think "oh maybe ill go for a slightly purpleish tint for the colors" or "this semi-vibrant red would go well with the off-white blue" etc.

like for this example i made i bounced off the white and experimented with different hues to find one that blended well with it, but thats all depending on what kind of mood you want! do you want something cold? warm? perhaps dark with a saturated color that sticks out but goes well with the others ? you have to plan it. Also sometimes i use filters so not everything you see is hand-picked LOL... Just try different things! who knows, a color you didnt like before might just become a color you love to use. You're welcome to use my work as color study if you really want to, but im no expert XD im just doing my thing.

#you got mail

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cryptids-lair-of-hyperfixations · 1 year

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i feel like talking more about tmnt (2012) and rise of the tmnt. i’ll probably just refer to them as “2012″ and “rise” as this goes on since it’s easier.

but specifically i want to talk about the character designs just because i think about this a lot.

i’ve never seen the original renditions of the tmnt franchise, but i’ve seen like, screenshots and i’ve seen what they looked like insofar as the art style is concerned. and the turtles all look like carbon copies of each other with the only difference being that they’re color coordinated. and not to talk badly about ancient shows, but that’s not great character design.

the 2012 show kind of had this problem too. they did their best giving the turtles unique head shapes, but in my opinion that’s only slightly better than just the color coordinating. it’s not great, but they tried to make the characters look unique to each other. this is also specifically concerning the character silhouettes. the only unique thing the 2012 guys have is head shapes.

and even then, i think if i was shown the silhouette of 2012 leo, i’d probably have to see what weapon he was holding before i could safely answer leo.

this is part of why i love rise’s art style so much. the turtles look so super unique to one another, they all have such different silhouettes. the 2d art style works super well for these types of designs! donnie’s goggles and head shape give him a unique silhouette to leo - not only that, but even smaller details like their bandanas are super different from each other.

something else that makes designs really good is like, when you can immediately tell a character’s vibe just by seeing only their design. i only know anything about the original tmnt because, well, none of the characters have drastically changed. i mean, donnie’s always been the smart one, raph’s always been a brute, mikey’s always been goofy... but looking at their designs in the original show? can’t see it at all. i think the best the 2012 show was at this was raph’s design! the ripped bandana and the little nick in his shell. you can almost immediately tell he’s definitely going to be the local hothead/the aggressive type.

yet, in rise, raph is the largest of them all and he has spikes, his bandana still has a nick in it. you can tell just by looking at his design that he is the big brother, he’s still a brute, he’s just more of a tank.

(something else i think rise did right is making the turtles different species. it adds more personality and that unique quality. it’s honestly perfect and makes sense in this context. speaking of context, i think the origin story in rise makes so much more sense than what was going on in the 2012 show.)

i think the character writing drastically improved in rise. obviously anyone who saw the 1987 or the 2003 show take this with a grain of salt because i’ve only seen 2012 and rise, but...

when i went back and watched a few episodes of the 2012 show, the guys absolutely despised each other. quoting something i said on discord, “it feels like tmnt 2012 was written by someone who didnt have siblings but figured Oh siblings never get along so they're just gonna DESPISE each other"

now, take that with a grain of salt too because i am an only child and that is how i grew up, but i don’t think normal siblings would just... behave like that, i guess. it’s constant fighting with the 2012 cast, like they’ve never tolerated each other in their lives. you grew up with only each other, no outside world, and you can’t get along for one second?

i would understand the occasional teasing, mockery, or fight... but what was going on in the 2012 show is none of those things. it’s like they love hating each other more than they actually love each other. (now, keep in mind on my rewatch so far i’ve seen the first 2 episodes, and the episode where casey is introduced. i don’t know the ins and outs because it’s been maybe 10 years since i’ve watched the 2012, but jeez.)

i don’t know the ins and outs of sibling relationships because like i said i didn’t grow up with siblings, but i have friends who i consider siblings, and im not constantly fighting w/ them or whatever the 2012 show had going on. so, again, take that with a grain of salt. anyone who grew up with siblings feel free to let me know how you feel in the notes.

but this is to say that i really like their dynamic as a team and their dynamics in pairs or trios. they’re fun, and they love each other, and even when they’re teasing each other you can tell there’s some level of unconditional love. they’re messing with each other, being annoying on purpose, even sometimes completely screwing up missions, and yet they still love each other because they’re brothers. they’re homies and it’s awesome to see that.

anyway this is getting long so i’ll be done rambling for now.

i’m bad at tags.

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #tmnt

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wujico · 3 months

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i havent texted my girlfriend today. cant bring myself to do it. im going to end things soon, so that they dont have to deal with me any longer. what am i supposed to say, when theyre two stars away from grace... and im just me.

i want to hate them, so that it'll be easier once i do what i need to do. but i love them so much, more than anyone else. theyre the only one i have in my shit city.

i hope they hate me. i hope they gossip about me and its only bad things that they tell. i hope when they think of me they only feel resentment.

i hope im the villian, when they talk about what we once were. i hope when i finally end it all, they talk shit about me to their family. we have a mutal friend group... when we break up, i hope our friends hear their part of the story only.

i hope they hate me and i hope they make everyone else hate me as well. then i'll truly be alone.. but its okay. because i deserve it.

its better than them loving me, because i cant be loved, when im i like this.

i wrote this ^^^ then decided to text them. it wasnt dry per say but just... distant. they asked me if i knew about their new animal jam oc that they've be drawing (i did, because of their pfp which changed on most platforms) but i said no, cause i just want hear them talk. i love how pretty they look when talk about their interests.

but well... apparently i was the last to know. they said, "oh i thought i told you." I care, obviously, that i wasnt the first to know (jealousy issues and all that).

Maybe it would have been nice to at least have a snipet of their work when they were drawing the multiple drawings of him.

its been like that since we started dating though; their friends get first priority. their discord group is the first to get spammed. i wonder what its like, having a group of irl friends who actually like you for you... ill never know that feeling, not since my old toxic friends.

but ive gotten used to being second, im nobodys first, its whatever. but i wanna know things, even about my girlfriend. but theyre not being forced to share things like that, its just me. its who i am. i am so unlovable, i am so unapproachable.

its definitely my fault, that we cant talk about things anymore. i want to blame it on my depression. i want to blame it on my autism and need for space. i want to blame it on my uni classes that keep me at the school from 9am to 8pm most days. i want to blame it on my insomnia.

but those are exuses for how shitty of a person i am.

thats why im breaking up with them. because i cant even be enough to hear about their interests without it feeling forced. they deserve someone more, someone better. i dont love myself, but i love them, even then i dont think thats enough.

why do i have to be like this?

i just wanna be someone's first choice. just once. but nobody will ever choose me, so ill close myself off and push myself away. slowly...

not even 🍀 realizes yet. sometimes i go distant and shut off, but we're both like that. i wonder if hes noticed that i never vent anymore, or talk about anything serious. i wonder if he analyzes my discord status as a cry for help instead of a simple song lyric. i wonder if he can read past all the fake happiness through capital letters, emojis, keyboard smashes and exclamation marks.

ive been pretending ive been getting better, but thats been far from true for a while. sh doesnt even work anymore. i only wish for death now.

🍀 left me before. three times. once, it was because i was needy. the second time, i wasnt enough for even his boyfriend- he chose his boyfriend over me. the third time was the worst, but thats a story for another day.

he always apologies and says hes sorry; i say i forgive him, because i dont want him to feel guilty. he left me for a reason, its cause im an unlovable person. and i do forgive him, how could i not? when hes the person who gives me life? getting that text message that he wanted me back was literally like a dream, but i didnt and still dont understand why he would take me back. i dont think i deserve a third chance.... who knows

i forgive him. i cant be mad at anybody anymore, i cant find it in me to care. but im still hurt by it. im scared, too. im scared im gonna wake up and he'll be gone again.

im selfish, but im scared when he mentions his friends... how pathetic right? but its them who told him to leave me all those years ago.

maybe it'll be best this time though. if it happens a fourth time, he has to believe them right? i hope they make him hate me.

but ill pretend im okay for another day.

- ji

(1 / 16 / 2024)

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sweetbabyrayray · 4 months

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i know youre going through a hard time with what happened with your ex but keeping a 40 page document of his stuff wont help. ranting online wont help. ive been through what you have and trust me the sooner you realize that you arent innocent and need to work on yourself as well, and to just leave him behind, the happier you will be. hes just some guy hes nothing, live life for YOU! genuinely hoping you the best, i believe in everything youre capable of and forget about him. im also very sorry about your neck. wishing you all the best, truly and fervently. it all gets easier with time.

oh shit did i have a queued post? my bad, gamer.

i genuinely have been trying to think about other stuff these past two months. i started the document two weeks before we broke up because it documented how i'd perceived my experience this year while recognizing both my failings as a friend and partner AND his. i wanted to show it to him so i could get my feelings across, because he kept saying his autism made it so he had a hard time considering other people's perspectives. obviously, he didnt care, and i havent looked at or thought about it in a bit. two weeks, maybe. i like having the documentation though, since my memory is shit (depression reasons, and hitting my head in 2021). i tend to write things down to help with that.

also, i know im not innocent, dont worry. i have always been willing to consider my actions and apologize for the mistakes ive made. i apologized any time he told me i'd done wrong and worked hard to consider how i could do better. thats what the document was for too -- to better clarify for him that i recognized i had failed too, since my previous attempts hadn't been enough. the problem that keeps coming back to haunt me is how he refused to do the same and pretends he's blameless. he accused me of manipulating him into believing he had done me wrong. he compared me to my manipulative, abusive mother, who he knows abused me heavily growing up. he tried to claim our relationship had never been as serious as id thought so i should just get over the break up and treated me like shit for being hurt, even though he tried to propose to me late last year and said that moving in with me had been something he always planned for and wanted. he cheated on me and then broke up with me for trying to talk about it, absolving himself of responsibility while also saying nasty things to me and making me feel stupid for trying to set boundaries in the first place. i try not to think about it, i distract myself with video games and hanging out with friends, its just nights that are the hardest, yknow. he said some incredibly shitty stuff to me at the end, and lied to me so so much all year, and it really got in my head. im working extremely hard to move past it, because its fucking me up.

i really want to live for me now. the situation im in ( having no money, no job, no car, no home, and being disabled) doesnt make it easy, especially since he directly is responsible for me being in this position. i really really want things to get better so i can stop being reminded of the shit that got me here. i hope it gets better. i really do.

#ray speaks #thank you for the kind words gamer #i apologize for whatever post i queued that inspired you to send this ask because i dont recall writing any posts about rory recently

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burning-sol · 1 year

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anyways i didnt do anything today ive been very. uhh. stuck. but i did think about what it would be like for the godslayers to be plopped into prime, specifically about how they would react to "youre not allowed to kill people".

peter is the most fucking relieved like "oh so we dont have to kill anyone ever???? thats so great" and rumi is cautious but like "hmmm well in 99% of situations if prison works then i dont see any reason we WOULD kill anyone. killing people is not something that should be taken lightly after all."

thanatos is. not enthused. i mean he gets the concept because peter and rumi have been trying to tell him to like. spare people. but he still REALLY thinks they should get to murder people. like. its just the most effective way to get rid of an enemy right? so. why . wouldnt you. he is not going to pretend like it isnt an active effort for him to not kill someone.

exandroth has a whole bundle of mixed up emotions because firsty. he cant KILL anyone??? even the bad guys????? like!! that was his favourite part of retributing!!! what the fuck does he do now?? r u kidding me what bullshit is this. he doesnt think jail is an equivalent punishment at ALL like he thinks if theyre evil then smite them off the face of the earth thats divine judgement baby. but also. he sort of likes seeing others rot away? but also she doesnt because it reminds her of being imprisoned herself?? its weird. exandroth walking through a jail would feel like pulling teeth in a mix of "I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE HERE" "HAHAH THEYRE ROTTING IN JAIL" "BEING IMPRISONED IS... NOT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE THIS TAKEN THIS LIGHTLY" exandroth can sort of tolerate it since its not affecting him directly but if there were a question of "we're going to try and imprison someone you care about" exandroth is just going to kill everyone involved no matter what. FUCK prison bitch. no.

but basically, peter and rumi have a much easier time adjusting to prime and the social conventions. except for the concept of i.d probably? i dont think theyd be too happy that there is a constant surveillance and a lack of anonimity that there was back in prevarus. they dont mind following rules but the idea of someone constantly watching over you?? thats really fucked up. even if rumi is a charismatic type that's not the same as consenting to being constantly watched. itd make them freak out.

meanwhile exandroth and thanatos are. theyre sort of adjusting? but not that well. theyre like. murderers. and god slayers. for realsies. like thats built up to be a considerable part of their identity?? they can adjust but letting go of that is difficult.

oh and their views on authority. i think peter and rumi are a bit iffy on it but are like "well... technically it is run by PEOPLE so thats not all bad". exandroth and thanatos are showing sheer disrespect "THESE BITCHES ARE ACTING LIKE THEYRE GODS LOOK AT THESE STATUES THANNY THATS LIKE WORSHIP STATUS WE NEED TO MURDER THEM" and yeah u talk them down from not judt running up and murdering them. but thats not necessarily because they dont WANT to. but because they go "exandroth. if i could compare this situation back when we first met" "UHUH" "..i think these superheroes would, metaphorically, turn us into spiders" "SHIT YOURE RIGHT. WE'RE STILL NOT STRONG ENOUGH FUCK THIS"

ig overall the group isnt like EVIL but they would be considered morally grey more towards the darker tones. theyre just *waiting* for the moment the prime superheroes turn on them and label them villains. not that its their fault. they just wanna change the world for the better. if theyre considered evil for that rhen irs not their problem.

anyways those are my thoughts rn im getting sleeby.

#📚 my posts #📌 thoughts

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oceanforblues · 2 years

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Ah shit, here we go again

I’ve been in love with you since grade 10. The reason why I got upset when you told me you loved me was because I actually *do* love you. But when I heard it from you it felt... not genuine. How could I believe you? Just a moment ago you were saying “I apologize if it came off the wrong way” “i was just being comfy and cozy” “i was doing that to keep you calm”. I mean dont blame me for not believing you, you brought that up on yourself! But yeah. I felt really used and disrespected by you at that moment. I was upset, angry, and sad because I thought after all the shit we been through, I expected you to treat me with a bit of respect. I felt like you used me to fill your loneliness. Like you used me like tissue paper and then threw me away.

Im sorry that I never told you that I loved you. I never had enough self confidence to do it. And I knew at that time if I ever told you that, I knew you’d reject me. I never really confessed to you because I never had the self confidence before. I didnt like the way I looked, I HATED my voice. I know I dated people while I was in love with you. But my crush for you was one sided. I thought that as long as I kept my distance, I would be fine. So instead I worked on myself, just bettering myself physically and emotionally. I started to wear clothes that I wanted, I started to eat what I wanted (yes I know Im still a bit picky), I started to wear makeup which I always wanted to do ever since I was little.

Around 2021 you started to look at me a little different. Well, you know what you did. You touched me a bit different, your hugs lasted a little bit longer, sometimes you’d touch the small of my back. You said my side profile looked like Deepika?? LOL. No, according to you I had “facial animations” like deepika. You’re so fucking hopeless, I swear. Anyways, I thought finally, I have a chance. You were right, I did try to look good for you. Im sorry for partially lying and saying I was doing it for myself. I did for myself but I also wanted to look good, for you.

It’s because I thought I had a chance, that it hurt me so much to hear you say that you were just being “comfy and cozy”. It hurt even more when I texted you that I had covid and you didn’t respond. I know you needed space, I know you needed time to think. But I thought we were close enough for you to at least check up on me at that moment to ask if Im doing okay. I know for me, no matter what happened, I would have checked up on you at least. So.. that was disappointing. I loved you a little less then.

Actually that’s a big fat lie. I still loved you. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me really. I ended up taking therapy for a little bit, and everyday went by just a little easier. I called up a few of my booty calls (yes, I have male booty calls). I thought maybe I was just touch deprived. But I quickly realized that it wasn't touch starvation? I felt absolutely gross touching someone else. Even a hug from someone else is absolutely disgusting. It’s just you that makes me feel different.

Anyways, Yeah. I will keep adding onto this as I keep feeling more emotions. If not, I just want to end it off by saying that don’t think you’re some sort of saint just because I love you. You hurt me, tremendously. Not even this time but times before this. You run away, you are in no way in shape or form ready to date someone. You’re a bit cringe sometimes. But, the big “but”, I still love you. And if I’ve loved you for 8 years of my life, I don’t think I can suddenly stop loving you even when you’re the biggest asshole slash dumbass this world has to offer. Some good things about you, just to point it out so you won’t get depressed, is that you do like bbq and fishing as a hobby so that’s kind of cute. god, why am I in love with the straightest man ever. me?? Im the gayest they come. so why. eh well... opposites attract I guess. You also give great hugs. Not everyone who has a bear bod can give good hugs. Oh my god, Im never telling you the times you made me horny. Im never- no. okay maybe later in this letter if I ever bring it up. You show your love through action and not by mouth. You’re a terrible liar everytime we hang out. Your mouth says something but your body acts completely different. You could tell me you hate me and your hand would still probably be on my shoulder somewhere. Even when we stand together you’re literally almost glued to me. I dont think you realize how close you stand to me sometimes hahaha. Dumbass. I like how you never ever rush me. Everytime you say “take your time”, it makes me feel really good. I like how you said I could open up an onlyfans HAHAHAHAH I took that as a compliment. You’re a really good active listener. It’s not a skill that a lot of people possess but you have it. You’re very sweet, really innocent actually, I kind of want to spoil you. You’re like a baby lamb and Im here like damn, it’d be nice to devour that sometime. Yes sexual innuendo completely intended. I know you think you’re a pervert and everything but trust me, I’m... I’m probably beyond anything you could ever mentally fathom. really. god forbid I never ever tell you what I thought about doing to you.

You can go ahead and date other girls if you want. You can go ahead and marry then if you really want to. I love you but I know I’ll be ready to see those things happen before my very eyes too. I’ve been teaching myself to stay strong ever since I was little. But if you decide to try and work it out, then call me and we can talk about it. But the first thing you need to do is try to not run away. Please. I need you here, with me. If you don’t decide to talk it out, well then, I’ll move on. It’ll be hard, I’ll need a lot of counselling, but I think I’ll be okay.

You know I avoid going to Eglinton Cineplex because of you lol. It hurts too much. Sometimes I’d be randomly walking along the streets and I’d start crying for no reason. I've been crying for the past few days actually. Its weird, its been 3 weeks since the incident and now I finally decided to start crying. Like just during random times of the day. I’d be showering and I’d start crying. I dont cry as much anymore. Either because Im starting to get over it or because there is nothing left in me. Not sure why Im crying so much. Is it because Im in love with you or is it because I lost my best friend. You’re probably over me by now, I know how quickly you get over people. I hope not but.. im not really expecting a fairy tail ending for me. I never really had anything workout for me before so.. I dont expect you to continue to have feelings for me either. That thought made me cry multiple times, and in the future it will continue to make me cry. But I will be okay after some time and some continuous therapy. I think this was my breaking point to start going to regular counselling.

Im going to continue to work on myself though. Im falling behind a little bit because I haven't been able to eat anything for the past week or so. And my workout is a little bit here and there because I got really sick, immediately followed by this and my period.. but I think i’ll be ok. I mean I have to be ok. You seem like you’re doing great so.. I cant fall behind.

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