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doctor-badadvice · 25 days

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They don't make shows like they used to. Remember when Shredder was a professional furry maker? Or Krang, probably the funniest alien ever. Or even Irma from Channel 6 who was willing to shag a comedically offensive Italian stereotype, a robocop and master Splinter, in this order, in just a handful of episodes!

Well, I didn't. I haven't watched ‘87 TMNT in like, two decades on a tv channel that doesn't even exist anymore. This has been one hell of a ride and I'm only at season 3.

So for the longest time Baxter in my mind was just some guy who got turned into a fly for reasons. I didn't even know he was white or basically Gollum. He seriously had a slimy vibe before starring in The Fly and I had no idea.

But 2003 Baxter Stockman is simply on another level. He's smart, greedy and so damn full of himself. He’s also incredibly dramatic! Half the show’s budget would have gone into animating him doing dramatic poses if he didn’t get dismembered.

And it’s no surprise this is the same man who took time to program the mousers to wag their tails. He's great and deserves a Nobel prize (just so he'll stop putting himself in situations for five minutes).

But that’s just scraping the surface and this is a good time to poke @teenagemutantninjatrauma as requested.

(insert the Charlie Day meme I still haven’t had time to draw)

As I was saying, I feel like Baxter deserves more recognition. He's a regular human in a world with mutant turtles, superpowered secret agents and alien war criminals and man, he doesn't give a single fuck about any of it.

He also doesn't have many limbs left but does he have any regrets? Does he ever stop running his mouth? Hell no. Shredder isn’t safe from his snarky remarks—

Shredder isn’t safe. One of my favorite moments from the early seasons is when Baxter crashes the epic showdown between Shredder and the turtles with a mecha he apparently whipped up in an afternoon (like the girlboss he is) and they go

Leo: What do we have to do to stop this guy?

Shredder: I have asked myself that question many times

And no amount of torture made him less of a vengeful bitch. Baxter attacked Shredder again after that until one of his betrayal plots finally worked and he ran off to have fun with the EPF like

These two are truly something.

It’s funny to go back to the early episodes to see Baxter go “Giant mutant turtles? Time for a dissection >:)”. It’s like these two were made to work together from the start.

Again, I’ve said before that the only reason Bishop doesn’t have to fear as much is that he’s somehow a far better employer than you’d expect. Baxter is looking for a way to make himself a new viable body, not a mecha since I’m sure dealing with sensory deprivation for so long must be awful. But much to Bishop’s dismay, I’m sure, not even he is safe. And if you think about it, Stockman (derogatory) is the one who gets the closest to murdering Bishop. Twice!

Yes, technically the first time it was an accident since the genetics lab blowing up wasn't planned. But he really went “Fuck it. I’m murdering the President today.” and it almost worked!

So really, it’s best to stay on Baxter’s good side. He can’t fight but he will find a way to kill you if he hates you enough.

#tmnt 2003 #baxter stockman #I stop talking about the grumpy old man to discuss another grumpy old man #who is married™️ to the former but neither is aware of it #the man's a menace #they put him in a jar because spraying him with water wasn't enough to stop his shenanigans

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