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ikenbar · 4 years

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Mr. Love: Ike’s Choice CH3 PT 9

Warnings: Mentions of child abuse (just stories and old scars), Fluffff, also some angst but it’s like the last few paragraphs so don’t get your hopes up, ewwy googy baby high fives, and cliffhangers that will make you beg for more >:D

(Chapter Three (Victor and Lucien) prologue and part one, and parts two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight here~)

((Please read the author’s note (and the beginning of the story) on chapter one part one if you’re new here :D))

Chapter three:

Part nine:

I crashed the moment I hit my bed. When I woke up I called Maria and told her everything that had happened. She was silent through most of the call, partially out of exhaustion from how early it was, and partially because of how angry she had been with me the night before. After hearing the story, she seemed to have eased up a bit but made me promise to call her right away if anything like that were to happen again. I also promised to try extra hard to welcome the new foster child, Adrienne, to the family that night. Maria accepted the proposal without hesitation.

Throughout the entire conversation, Bart hadn't uttered a word to me. I could tell he was angry, so I made it a point to call him later that day. But no matter how many times I had tried to call him, he never picked up.

I also made sure to tell Sam what happened that night when I picked him up from school. “I never trusted Lucien.” Sam growled over the phone, “If he ever tries to bug you again just let me know! I’ll teach him a lesson!” Sam’s adolescent voice made the threats adorable but I accepted his offer nonetheless. It was nice to know he would be by my side no matter what. Now I just had to convince the other members of the family to do the same...

>>>

I tugged lightly at the tie around my neck as I approached the foster house. I had decided to dress semi casually that evening with a white button-up shirt, nice black jeans, and a loose red tie. I had also bought some pies for dessert that night. Hopefully, that would make Bart happy enough to talk to me again.

I rapped on the door. Hurried footsteps sounded from the living room then the door swung open. I was greeted by a wide-eyed and grinning Sam. He was carrying a giggly Lola.

“Look, Lola!” He bounced the baby and pointed at me, “It’s Sissy Ike!” Lola screeched and reached out for me happily. I took her up from Sam’s arms and held her close with my free hand. Sam took the opportunity to take my bags and peer inside of them.

“Hey!” I reached to take them back but Sam dodged my grasp.

“Pies!” Sam cheered, “I hope you got pumpkin!”

“What kind of a fool doesn’t get pumpkin pie in the fall?” I huffed, “Those were supposed to be a surprise.”

“Welp, you shouldn’t have taken Lola, leaving me free to be nosy.” Sam stuck out his tongue. I looked over to Lola who was sucking happily on her fist.

“I can’t believe I trusted you.” I booped the little baby on the nose. Lola giggled and booped me right back with her slimy, saliva ridden hand.

“Come in.” Sam said through a fit of laughter, “I’ll put these in the kitchen for Dad to warm up.”

“Is the newbie here yet?” I asked, walking into the house and closing the door behind me, “Have you met her?” Sam stopped walking.

“Yeah.” Sam laughed nervously, “She’s… a character.” With that, he sped off into the dining room.

“How reassuring.” I said to Lola, who cooed in response. Doors shut from upstairs and footsteps retreated from the bedrooms. Maria appeared at the foot of the stairs, obviously at a loss for words. As she descended, she looked to be lost in thought, completely oblivious of my presence. “Wow.” I said, making Maria jump, “I think I can see smoke coming out of your ears.”

“Evie!” She said sweetly, quickly bouncing down the last steps and into my arms. I moved to complete the hug but Maria had already pulled away. She reached up and held my face in her hands, “How are you feeling, Evie? Any better?”

“I’m ok, really.” I pulled her hands away and gave her a soft smile, “Our talk this morning helped a lot.” Maria gave me a look of shock. My smile dropped. “What?”

“I don’t know.” Her shock melted into curiosity, “You seem… different today. Softer almost.”

“Perhaps the leaky baby in my arms makes it look that way.” Annoyance trailed from my words as another slimy slap hit my face. Maria laughed and took Lola from my arms.

“Come here, you!” She cooed, rubbing her face into the giggling baby’s, “Sister Ike has to go greet Sister Adri and hopefully put her in a better mood!”

“She isn’t in a good mood?” I asked looking up the stairs.

“Nope!” Maria kept up her playful tone for Lola, “In fact, I think I made it worse! Hey, Lola. Can you say ‘good luck, Evie!’?” Maria waved Lola’s hand to me, wordlessly pushing me upstairs. I sighed and accepted her challenge, walking to the bedrooms carefully.

I approached the pink bedroom door quietly. Scuffling came from inside the room, guaranteeing the existence of the new occupant living there. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” An annoyed, high pitched voice welcomed me. I pushed open the door and looked around. The room was fairly simple but had a clear aesthetic.

Neon lights in spring.

Pale pink based every furniture in the room and neon displays outlined them with various colors. My eyes landed on a teenage girl sitting on a comfy looking bed. She was tall and lean, legs splayed out and body contorted uncomfortably as she hunched over the phone in her hands. She wore black leggings, red converse, a large band tee shirt, and an even bigger tan jacket that poofed nicely around her arms. Her hair was black, bobbed, and straight, framing her heavily makeup ridden face. Her style seemed sharp enough to cut anyone who approached her and it was clear that was what she intended.

Adrienne pulled her attention from the phone as I walked in. She let out an annoyed huff as she eyed me up and down. “You must be Ike.” Adrienne said in a disgruntled tone.

“I take it you’ve heard about me?” I asked, shutting the door behind me.

“The old man wouldn’t stop talking about you.” Adrienne rolled her eyes, “It was ‘Ike this’ and ‘Ike that’ with him. I’m surprised you didn’t walk in with a halo and wings.”

“So they didn’t say anything bad about me?” I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets.

“No.” Adrienne deadpanned, looking back at her phone.

"They didn’t mention anything about me being an emotionally distant adrenaline hog?"

Adrienne looked back at me, eyeing me in a way that made it clear that she was waiting for me to tell her it was a joke. Once she saw I really wasn't kidding, she straightened herself slightly, ".… I think one of the twins might have touched on it." She said cautiously. Ah, good ol Ashton. "The other twin made me a macaroni picture." Adrienne gestured to her vanity. I approached it to find a macaroni picture of a smiling dog that read, Welcome to your new home, A-Dog!!

"Sam and his macaroni pictures." I shook my head and picked up the picture, "I threw out the first one I got from him. When he saw it in my trash, he didn't get angry. He simply made me another one. I stopped trashing them after the tenth try. It's still hanging in my apartment as we speak." I had two of his works actually. The one he made me at the foster home and the other one he had made me when I moved out. They were proudly framed and placed by my bed.

Some macaroni started sliding down the picture. He must have just made it. I placed down the picture carefully and walked back over to Adrienne. I pulled her desk chair out and swung it in front of her bed. Straddling it, I leaned forward, placing my head on the palm of my hand. “Ashton would be the other twin. He tends to be blunt about things. Bart and Maria could learn a thing or two from him. Now, allow me to introduce myself correctly.” I held out my hand, “Hi, I’m Ikamara Bikira. But you can call me Ike. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.” Adrienne hesitated a moment but eventually took my hand. She shook it limply, making my grasp seem like that of a giant’s.

“Adri.” She murmured slightly, withdrawing her hand rather quickly from mine, “So.. you aren’t the super prissy heiress they make you out to be?”

“Nope.” I deadpanned, “In fact, most of the people I work with hate me. Say I don’t have any human decency or manners. They’re right, of course, but it still hurts.”

“But, the folks made you out to be this super caring person who only thinks for the people around her and never herself.”

“They tend to do that for the people they care about.” I sighed somewhat happily, “They only talk about the redeeming qualities so you seem so much better than you are. In fact, Maria did it for you.”

“She just barely met me.” Adri huffed, trying to catch me in a lie.

“You’ve seen Maria. Do you really think time will stop her from deciding whether or not to love and adore you?”

Adri seemed to be at a loss for words. She huffed and looked down at her phone. I took the opportunity to admire the poster hanging over her bed.

“You like Kiro?” I asked, staring into those familiar eyes on the poster. He was singing into a microphone and smiling charmingly at the camera.

“Who doesn’t?” Adri scoffed, keeping her eyes on her phone, “I have all of his albums on my phone.”

“Me too.” I found myself saying, as I got lost in his eyes.

“What?!” Adri laughed, snapping me back to reality, “Really?! I didn’t take you for the type!”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” I eyed Adri.

“I mean, Kiro’s music is full of emotion! You’re,” Adri looked me up and down again, “Not.”

“I’ll have you know Kiro’s music got me through highschool.” I said, redirecting my eyes to that dazzling smile, “He also connected me with this family.”

“How so?”

“Sam and I would listen to his music together all the time. I even used Kiro to communicate to Ashton while I was mute.”

“You… were mute?” Adri asked, hesitantly. My eyes unfocused from the poster and became large. Dang it, Victor. I thought to myself, Now you’ve got me spilling my guts to a seventeen-year-old. I hope you’re happy.

“Yeah.” I replied slowly, unsure about what to say, “For three years.”

“So it was selective.” Adri crossed her legs and sat in front of me, making me straighten my posture in response, “Why did you choose to be mute?”

“Since when did you become so interested in me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Since you stopped being a prick and actually became interesting.” Adri answered eagerly, gesturing to me to start talking. I looked blankly into her eyes. Victor’s words swam through my head.

“...I don’t blame you for needing time to ready yourself for the world, but you can’t stay in your head forever.”

Maybe talking to Adri about this stuff could be the step forward I needed to take.

I unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeves to my shirt. “My mother left me and my dad when I was a baby, and my dad had important business to attend to… business that didn’t involve me. So, my dad put me in the foster program when I was just a child. Since then I was admitted to six different homes, counting this one. The first home sent me to a sort of Bootcamp, the second home neglected me, the third home gave me too much of the wrong kind of attention, the fourth home made me lose parts of myself; Including the feeling in my left arm... and my voice; and the fifth home… was featured on the news.” The scars on my arms radiated strangely in the neon lights, “By then I was discouraged. It had been ten years since my father had promised to come back for me and I was still in the system, bouncing from house to house. From one family who didn’t want me to the next. When I had arrived at this home, I was ready for it to be the same way…

“But it wasn’t. I was greeted with a macaroni picture, a hug from a large friendly man, a bright smile from a kind lady, the cold shoulder from a strange little boy, and a large welcoming meal. It still took me a month until I was sure I could trust them, but that was thirty-one days I wish I could take back. I wish I had started speaking to them right away. I wish I told them everything I felt and exactly how thankful I was that they didn’t hate me. That they wanted me around to love and welcome me as their own. Their love means more to me then they will ever know… which is why I want to ask one thing of you.” Adri had been transfixed on my arms as I spoke. I took her chin and pulled it up so she would match my gaze, “Give them a chance. Before you know it you will be out of here and reunited with your family. Let them love you the way you deserve because, whether you like it or not, they are going to do it anyway. And they aren’t ever going to stop doing it. No matter how badly you mess up. Trust me, I know. They…” I paused, “...we are your family now. We’ve got your back. So there’s no need to fight us.” Adri stayed silent, staring blankly at my face. I let go of Adri’s chin and stood up from her chair. I held out my hand, “Now, why don’t we head downstairs? Bart normally likes it when we set the table for dinner.”

Adri ignored my hand as she looked up at me. She had a clear sparkle in her eyes. Many emotions filled them. Sympathy, sadness, regret…

... but also realization, adoration, and above all, respect. Adri raised a shaky hand to mine.

Before she could take it though, the door swung open. Sam stomped in, worry and anger brimmed on his face. Those emotions morphed into awkwardness as he realized what he had interrupted. “S-sorry!” He said sweetly, “Did I ruin a moment?”

“I’m sure there will be more to come.” I smiled at Adri. She smiled back meaningfully, “What’s up, kiddo?” Sam’s face returned to the state it was in before as the topic returned to him.

“N-Now, don’t kill the messenger.” Sam spoke slowly and shakily, “But we have a visitor.”

“Who is it?” I asked, bracing myself. One knowing look from Sam made the answer clear. “No.” I wined slightly, “Please be joking.” A familiar laugh came from downstairs. Anxiety rushed into my stomach as I groaned. I hid my face in my hand.

“Who is it?” Adri asked warily.

“Oh! He is just delightful! Super fun!” Sam smiled sarcastically. Then his smile dropped, “and also a son of a-” I held a hand up to Sam to stop him from contributing to the swear jar.

“Why don’t we go meet him.” I groaned, moving towards the door, “There could be a chance he got amnesia within the few hours we last saw each other and he could have completely forgotten about me.”

“What, hold on, tea?!” Adri jumped up from the bed and grabbed onto my arm, “Spill it! Is this guy an ex??”

“He wishes!!” Sam spoke up again and jumped in front of Adri, “Go on down, Ike. I’ll be the one to catch Adri up to speed.”

“What, so I can go face him alone?!” I scoffed, “No way! I’ll stay here. You go.”

“How about we all stay?” A low melodious voice came from the doorway, “I would like to hear what happened as well.”

(Next)

#oof that ending tho???#makes the heart a flutter #it makes you begg for more and i loVE EEETTTT #mlqc #mlqc lucien #mlqc fluff #mlqc fanfiction #mlqc oc #mlqc oc fanfiction #mlqc lucien angst #mr love #mr love lucien #mr love fanfiction #fanfiction #ike n bar productions #ikes choice #mr love ikes choice #ikamara bikira story

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jamaisjoons · 5 years

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intro: her II ⤑ knj | m

⟶ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦:〝 you enter namjoon’s life in the most unexpected of ways, but will you be able to stay, especially when he comes with three adorable but chaotic children, even more chaotic best friends and a bitch of an ex-wife? not to mention your own emotional baggage. 〞singe dad au.

❥ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: single dad!namjoon x marine vet!reader

❥ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: angst ⋆ fluff

❥ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 9k

⟶ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: mentions of child neglect and abandonment but nothing too great, talk of abortion, i think that’s it?

➵ 𝑎/𝑛: EYE have no excuses for why this took so long to write. But here it is, the long awaited chapter 2!

⏤ Rewritten as of 23/02/2020

⇥ Previous || Masterlist || Next

Chapter 2: Pirates and Flashbacks

As you stand in front of the large, opulent building, you gawk at the pristine white walls, crystal clear glass and immaculately kept garden. Everything about the building screams money and suddenly you aren’t sure if this is a good idea. Currently, you’re stood outside Namjoon’s home, two neatly wrapped gifts in your hand as you nervously fidgeted about. Today’s the day of the twins’ birthday party and a part of you wants to turn around and run. You don’t belong in this world. You’re completely out of place, dressed in your nicest pair of jeans and a fashionable jumper - considering it’s winter -, and yet while staring at the palace-like home; you can’t help but still feel nervous.

You take in a deep breath and gather all the courage you can muster up before pressing the buzzer. Taking a step back, your fidget with your jumper as you attempt to make yourself presentable; picking at the non-existence lint on the wool. A couple of moments later, someone answers the intercom and a face pops up out of nowhere. To your surprise, it’s Hoseok - and not some random member of staff that Namjoon must have hired to take care of his home. Because really, how else would he be able to look after the entire mansion he considers a house? With uncertainty prevalent in your eyes, you stare at the moving image of Hoseok, waving back hesitantly at his exuberant wave. You’re almost worried his hand will fall off with how intensely it moves.

“____! Hi! Come on in,” Hoseok greets you cheerily and you smile at him. Abruptly, his face disappears and the screen goes blank again. However, you don’t have to wait long because, soon, the gates to Namjoon’s house begin creaking open. Sucking in a nervous breath, you stay your nerves as much as you can before entering. By the time you get to the front door, Hoseok is already there, greeting you with a warm welcome.

“____, it’s nice of you to come. The boys haven’t stopped speaking about you. Jungkookie keeps pestering Namjoon-ah, asking him when you’d get here. Which, is quite surprising, because Jungkook hates strangers. But lately, you’re all he can talk about,” Hoseok says with a booming laugh, making small conversation. You’re slightly startled by his words, wondering what about you had enamoured the four-year-old so much.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s only because I helped him when he got lost,” you explain causing Hoseok to let out a small hum. Looking at you from the corner of his eye, his eyes glisten mischievously.

“Maybe… all we know is that he won’t stop talking about you,” Hoseok says, a small smile on his face. Hoseok navigates through the maze-like home with relative ease, and you wonder just how close he is to Namjoon. You know they work for the same company and have been friends for years, but they must be incredibly close for Namjoon’s children to call him ‘hyung’, and for him to be able to wander through the house easily, without getting lost.

Before long, you and Hoseok find yourself in a large, minimalistic living room. Neutral and white tones surround you everywhere and a part of you wonders how this can be a family home. It looks more like a bachelor pad than anything else. Although, you assume that that stems from Namjoon being a single dad. The neat, almost clinical room is somewhat ruined by the brightly coloured toys strewn all over. Colourful banners and balloons are littered all over and a huge sign saying ‘Happy birthday Jimin and Taehyung’ meets your eyes. You want to continue taking in the sights, but instead, your eyes widen at the sheer chaos surrounding you.

There’s a small group of children running rampant, screaming and yelling as they chase each other. Taehyung is at the forefront of the yelling, a huge boxy smile on his face as he screeches and laughs, dragging a giggling Jimin behind him as the two try and get away from the other three chasing them. The two are holding hands as tightly as they can, both of them holding large plastic swords in the free hands; pirate hats too big for their small heads falling into their eyes. Your eyebrows furrow, looking around for Jungkook. You don’t have to look for long, though, because you find him gripping Namjoon’s trousers, clinging as hard as he can onto his father.

Namjoon is standing with Yoongi and Seokjin, all of them sipping drinks. Every now and then you see one of them glance at the kids, trying to keep an eye on them. There’s also a couple standing with them, but you can’t recognise who they are. Hoseok slowly guides you to them, the group of adults turning to you. The minute Jungkook spots you, however, his previously reserved face, immediately lights up. You watch as he quickly let’s go off Namjoon’s leg, instead, running up to you. Jungkook collides with your legs, his arms wrapped around them as he flashes you his bunny-esque smile.

“____-noona! You came!” Jungkook cries with happiness and you grin at him, rearranging the presents you’re holding in your arms to pet his head. Namjoon smiles brightly at you, dimples poking out, Seokjin waving at you while Yoongi nods his greeting. The couple, however, looks at you in surprise.

“I’ve never seen little Kook so excited to see someone,” the guy jokes, the female smacking him hard on the shoulder.

“Sooyun, Jaebeom, this is ____, the one I was telling you about,” Namjoon introduces and you bow slightly at the two of them.

“Ah! The famous ____, who Jungkook has yet to stop talking about,” Sooyun teases, eyes sparkling as she looks down at Jungkook

“Sooyunie-noona stop teasing me!” Jungkook pouts, stomping his foot in frustration. You look at the usually quiet boy in surprise, eyes widening somewhat at the light blush dusting his cheeks.

“Nochu, go play with your hyungs,” Namjoon says, trying to shoo the young boy away, but Jungkook just clings to you tighter.

“I don’t want to daddy, Suri is always pinching my cheeks and then they hurt,” Jungkook says with a small pout, dragging out the ends of his words as he rubs his cheeks slightly.

“Yes, well my daughter does take after her mother,” Jaebeom says mischievously as he eyes Sooyun, causing her to smack him on the shoulder again while he laughs.

“As if you don’t teach her to keep away from boys by being as annoying as she can be. Anyway, I’m sure Sungwoo and Jaewoo will stop her from pinching your cheeks Kookie,” Sooyun says kindly and Jungkook looks at her hesitantly before turning his gaze back to his father, who nods reassuringly.

“You’ll have Jimin and Taehyung too, Nochu,” Namjoon finally says and Jungkook lets out a defeated sigh before running off with a pout. You watch as he shyly walks up to the older group, Jimin and Taehyung grinning brightly at him before grabbing him by the hand and dragging him along. More importantly, you can’t help but notice the look of glee on Suri’s face when Jungkook joins the group.

“Wow, I can’t believe you actually got him to leave your side,” Yoongi snorts and you turn your attention back to the group of adults, Namjoon blushing bright red as Seokjin and Hoseok laugh at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Namjoon sputters and Yoongi gives him a knowing look.

“That you baby the hell out of that boy, to the point that he is quite literally glued to your leg,” Yoongi deadpans, causing Namjoon to blush deeper.

“Come on Yoongi, cut him some slack. He can’t help it if Kook is his baby, he is Namjoonie’s youngest, and the fact that he’s so shy,” Sooyun cuts in as she coos about Jungkook. Yoongi simply lets out a small smirk as he shrugs.

“Moving on, so _____, tell me about you! I heard you were a vet of some sort? At Coex aquarium?” Sooyun says, drawing the attention back to you. You find yourself blushing under the stares of everyone, especially Yoongi.

“Umm… ah yes Sooyun-ssi, it’s where and how I found Jungkook. But I’m sure you know that already,” you reply, the older woman smiling at you.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you here. Ever since Jimin and Taehyung befriended Jaewoo and Sungwoo, I’ve always been the only woman, other than my Suri that is. But you can see why she doesn’t count,” Sooyun laughs, smiling brightly and you nod, responding with your own smile.

“Yes, well I heard you’re a massive Agust D fan. That must have rubbed a sore spot with Namjoon and Hoseok,” Jaebeom stage whispers conspiratorially and once again you find yourself blushing while stuttering, unsure of what to say.

“I-I-I… ummm. I like all their music! It’s just Agust D was the reason I got into rap music and his music and lyrics helped me out in some really tough situations. The lyrics just mean more to me… OH GOD! Not that your lyrics don’t mean anything, they are all very meaningful and quite frankly beautiful but… I’m just going to stop talking now,” you mumble as you trail off from your panicky rant. The searing heat of embarrassment warms your face, all the way from the tips of your ears to your neck while you mentally kick yourself, wondering how likely it was for the ground to swallow you whole.

You find yourself cringing even harder as Seokjin and Hoseok’s loud laughs fill your ears, clearly finding amusement from the situation. Namjoon glares at both of them, silently gesturing to them to shut up, only causing them to snicker louder. From the corner of your eyes, you look at Yoongi, and though his head is slightly turned away from you, you spot the faintest blush on his cheeks, an imperceptible smile on his face. Seeing his smile, you calm down in the slightest, knowing that despite making an ass of yourself, your words are appreciated by the famous rapper.

“Ah, thank you ____-ssi,” Yoongi says quietly, clearly not used to the praise. You grace him with a shy smile, Namjoon looking between the two of you with an unreadable expression.

“Sooyun-ssi, you mentioned being the only woman, surely Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook’s mother is also around to keep you company?” you ask in an attempt to change the subject. However, as soon as the words leave your mouth, you’re filled with instant regret. Instantly, the light, airy atmosphere shifts.

Seokjin and Hoseok immediately stop laughing, drawing up to their full heights as they turn to Namjoon wearily. Namjoon’s gaze immediately hardens, his chin protruding out as he looks away, the muscles around his jaw clenching as he grits his teeth. Yoongi’s features fall, his face turning passive, but you can tell he’s angry from the way his fists are clenched by his side. Jaebeom looks at you in shock, while Sooyun smiles apologetically towards you.

The only noises you can hear are the children still running about and yelling, their laughter juxtaposed by the thick tension surrounding the adults. A couple of moments pass in awkward silence and you’re unsure what to say. Clearly, you’ve hit a sore point. However, just as you open your mouth to apologise, Namjoon finally speaks. He turns his gaze to you and you immediately freeze, eyes slightly wide at the cold, hard stare he levels at you.

“They have no mother,” Namjoon spits out, before turning on his heel and walking away. Seokjin and Hoseok smile tentatively at you before running after him. Yoongi lets out a sigh and walks to the children, Jaebeom following him. You stare wide-eyed at Sooyun, stuttering as you try to find something to say.

“I- Sorry about that. The boys’ mother… it’s a touchy subject. Come on, let’s get you a drink,” Sooyun says, grabbing your hand and dragging you away from the living room and into the kitchen. Once she gets there, she opens the fridge before, “orange or multifruit? What’s your choice?” she asks, holding up two bottles of juice. You make your choice and Sooyun smiles, pouring you a glass before handing it to you. “That’s the only downside about kids’ parties, no alcohol. Take a seat,” Sooyun jokes, smiling before gesturing to one of the chairs in the kitchen. Taking the drink with a slight bow, you take a seat while looking around nervously. Sooyun sits across from you and stares for a couple moments. Shifting under her gaze, you’re unsure of what to say.

Finally, after long, tense moments, you decide to break the silence. “Ummm, I’m sorry but did I do something wrong?” you ask timidly and Sooyun sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose before sending you a small, regretful smile.

“Yes and no. Obviously, it’s clear Namjoon’s ex-wife is a sore spot for him. You aren’t at fault because really, you had no idea. But bringing it up… bringing her up around him isn’t a wise decision from what I know,” Sooyun says tentatively and you nod, sipping your juice lightly. Once again, you fall into an awkward silence, unsure whether you should ask or not. A part of you wants to know, but the major half of you knows it’s rude to ask - especially, considering you barely know Namjoon.

“Aren’t you going to tell her?” a voice breaks in, startling you as it cuts the silence. The two of you turn to spot Yoongi leaning against the doorway, his nonchalant gaze trained on you.

“I wasn’t sure whether I should. Besides, I don’t really know anything. Namjoon doesn’t really speak about it,” Sooyun says with a shrug, Yoongi nodding as he pulls up a seat next to you. He continues staring at you, his expression unreadable; making you shift uncomfortably in your seat.

“I think I’ll join Jae in watching the kids,” Sooyun says, excusing herself from the room. You sit up straight, looking at Yoongi warily. Even without knowing he was one of Korea’s most famous and fastest rappers, he exudes a stoic but powerful aura that instantly has you wanting to shrink into your seat.

“I’m not going to bite your head off, you can relax,” Yoongi says after a couple minutes of terse silence.

“I’m- I’m sorry about bringing it up. I didn’t know,” you apologise but Yoongi waves you off, his rings glinting in the light.

“The fact that you didn’t know, means you don’t have to be sorry. Namjoon… tends to overreact when she’s mentioned. Granted, for the right reasons. She was a bitch. But nevertheless, his reaction was over the top and he shouldn’t have treated you like that. He’s equally in the wrong,” Yoongi begins explaining and you relax at his words: now more curious about the situation than anything.

“I… would you mind telling me about her?” you ask, before “but you don’t have to! I understand it’s not my place to ask about it,” you quickly follow sheepishly, looking away as you rub your arm in anxiousness. Yoongi lets out a scoff, causing you to sink into your seat.

“What do you think I came here for? Believe it or not, it’s better if you know. Especially considering it seems like you’re probably going to be in Namjoon’s life a lot more,” Yoongi says, and your eyebrows furrowing, wondering what he means,

“I don’t think I’m all that important and after today, I highly doubt Namjoon will want to see me again anyway,” you reply. Your words cause Yoongi to snort.

“You’re wrong for two reasons. The first is Namjoon is hot-headed when it comes to Jihee. He’ll get over it and as soon as he does and his mind is clear, he’ll feel bad and apologise. Secondly, in case you didn’t already realise, Jungkook is majorly spoiled and babied by Namjoon. If he wants something, and it’s within Namjoon’s means to get it, he’s getting it. Same with Jimin and Taehyung, but especially Jungkook; considering he’s the youngest. Jungkook likes you. He hasn’t stopped talking about you this entire week and it almost drove Namjoon mad. Jungkook wants to see you, he’s attached to you and since he doesn’t get attached easily, Namjoon will make sure you’re somehow, someway in their lives,” Yoongi explains and you nod, unsure of what to do with the information.

It comes as a shock: being suddenly thrust into Namjoon’s world is daunting; not only is he a popular rapper and artist figure, but he’s also the father of three children at a young age of only 24 years old. But when you think about Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, you can’t help but not care. The children are entirely too adorable - a trap for anyone. You can’t help but want to be a part of their lives. And then there’s Namjoon. Handsome, breathtakingly beautiful Namjoon. With smooth honey-kissed tan skin, a button nose, plush lips and deep dimples. And that was all excluding his god-like proportions. If you hadn’t seen him in flesh, you would have assumed he was some sort of Adonis, sculpted by the gods themselves. That was the unnerving part.

But if you really think about it, you don’t mind being in his life either. In fact, you can’t help but want to be part of his life.

“Namjoon’s ex-wife is Oh Jihee,” Yoongi says, pulling you out of your thoughts with a start.

You stare at him in wide-eyed astonishment, mouth gaping as you stutter. “O-Oh Jihee? As in Korea’s sweetheart, Oh Jihee? Supermodel and highest-paid actress Oh Jihee? That Oh Jihee?” you question in incredulity, Yoongi rolling his eyes before nodding.

“Yes her. She wasn’t always Korea’s sweetheart,” Yoongi spits out the title, tone laced with disgust.

“What happened? I haven’t heard anything about her being married to Namjoon? Or to anyone in general. I mean, we’ve known he has children - but she’s never once spoken about having children. I didn’t even know he was married beforehand - or that she was married to him,” you reply. Your words make Yoongi grunt.

“He tries to keep them out of the public as much as he can. Besides, if the public ever found out his ex-wife is Oh Jihee and that they have children together, could you imagine the field day the press would have? Both of them have covered their tracks as well as they can. They even had their marriage annulled rather than a straight divorce. Took a while, but it happened. This was before she became who she is now. She didn’t want to come off in a negative light. Which she would have considering she neglected and abandoned her children,” Yoongi spat out and you reel back, eyes wide. You couldn’t even fathom giving up children as adorably well behaved as Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook - though, you figure that’s more Namjoon’s influence on them than anything.

“Namjoon and Jihee went to the same high school. It was a classic dumbass cliché. Namjoon wasn’t always as he is now, he used to be the class nerd. Don’t get me wrong, he always had a love for music and we spent a lot of time writing and composing music together. That’s how we met each other. But I digress. Namjoon never really cared for her, he was too busy making music and studying. I think that’s what caught her attention. That almost everyone had a crush on her, but there was Namjoon, practically ignoring her existence in pursuit of his own dreams. She was the most popular girl in school and she was intrigued that someone wasn’t paying attention to her, I guess,” Yoongi begins to explain and you cock an eyebrow, causing Yoongi to chuckle.

“As I said, classic dumbass cliché,” Yoongi replies and despite yourself, you giggle, causing him to let out a small smile before it dies as he continues with the story.

“The weirdest day was when Jihee started noticing Namjoon. It was suspicious at most, considering they ran in different circles. Namjoon didn’t really care for her and just sort of let it happen. It started with her asking him to tutor him, then her asking for him to show her his music. They started hanging out a lot more and eventually, Namjoon fell for her. And he fell hard. I can still remember the day they started dating. Almost the entire school was talking about it. School nerd and most popular girl. It was like a damn movie. But they eventually got over it. Namjoon considered himself in love and so did Jihee. Apparently, she liked that he was different. That all changed one-day,” Yoongi continues, his eyes glazing slightly as he stares at seemingly nothing.

{Flashback: Feb 2012}

Jihee: Namjoon, I need to speak to you. Meet me by the plum blossom tree, you know the one.

Namjoon stared at his phone screen in worry, hands shaking uneasily as dread filled him. He had no idea why Jihee had suddenly texted him out of the blue - at 1am at night nonetheless. More than that, he had no idea why she sounded so serious. His Jihee was happy, bubbly and used an excessive amount of x’s and heart emojis. Quite frankly, the text scared him. Countless of thoughts were going through his head, the worst of them were of Jihee breaking off their two-year relationship.

They were both 18 now and soon, they’d be going to university. Namjoon to study a double major in business and music, and Jihee to study the performing arts. That was the best part of their relationship; they both supported each other’s dreams. Namjoon clutched his phone harder. They had survived through a lot, and he considered himself in love. Ideally, he’d want to marry Jihee once they were both done with university. However, her text seriously scared him. He didn’t know what he’d do if she broke up with him.

Namjoon’s legs were screaming as they continued running. He was panting and out of breath, but he knew he had to get to her. Another couple of minutes later, he made it to the old plum blossom tree in the park. He skids to a halt, eyes squinting in the dark, his breath fogging as he panted, gasping for air. Once he finally collected himself, he looked around more clearly. It didn’t take him long to spot her. Even in the dark, in the cold winter night, she looked beautiful. Not that she was ever not beautiful to him. He walked slowly to her, taking in her figure sitting on the frosted grass. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, her face buried between them as her dark long hair cascaded around her.

When he got to her, she looked up and Namjoon’s heart broke as their eyes met, hers filled with unshed tears. Namjoon’s eyes softened as he took in how small she looked. She was always so confident, so full and sure of herself. He’d never seen her look so small or defeated. He immediately crouched down and pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. As soon as she was in his arms, she let out a sob, her body shaking as she began crying in his arms. Namjoon’s heart broke a second time and he simply held her, cooing at her as he tried to calm her down.

“Namjoon… we- we have a problem,” Jihee stuttered, hiccupping every couple of moments as she pushed him away, looking at him earnestly. Namjoon shakes his head, wiping her tears before smiling at her reassuringly.

“Whatever it is, we’ll go through it together,” Namjoon says and Jihee’s lip quivers and then she says it. The words that will change his life forever.

“I’m pregnant,” Jihee confesses and Namjoon stiffens, eyes widening as he looks at her in shock. He tries to speak, stuttering out a few non-sensical words that sound more like random sounds than anything else and Jihee looks at him in fear and worry. It takes him a couple moments to register and process the information. He sits down next to her, staring off into space as he tries to figure out what to do next. There’s no doubt in his mind now, he knows he’s going to stay with Jihee and marry her. But they were still barely adults themselves, going off into university. Finally, he comes to a decision.

“Let’s get married,” Namjoon says out of the blue and Jihee looks at him in shock. This time, it’s her turn to stutter.

“What?!” She screams and Namjoon shrugs.

“I’m being serious. I knew I’d want to marry you after university, but things are just moving quicker than we’d like. I love you Jihee, and I’m willing to stick beside you and raise a family. And I’m not just saying this because you’re pregnant. I mean it. I want to marry you. Ideally, I’d have liked it later on. But now is fine too. It’ll be hard, I can’t promise you an easy life. But, I can promise to love you. We can take up jobs and get Yoongi-hyung to babysit while we attend class. We can do this. Just me and you,” Namjoon says and his steely resolve convinces Jihee. She’s slightly unsure. It seems like hard work and if it were up to her, she’d give up the child. But seeing Namjoon so determined, so ready to commit, convinces her that she’s willing to try. She nods at him uneasily.

“Just you and me Namjoon. Us against the world”, Jihee says softly into the dark night and Namjoon agrees, a silent promise on his lips as he kisses her.

“Just you, me and the baby against the world,” Namjoon whispers against her lips, his hands lightly caressing her stomach.

{Flashback: July 2013}

Namjoon sighs as he enters the small flat. It’s quite cramped and there’s barely space for the four of them, but somehow, he makes it work. He and Jihee had planned for one baby, not two and certainly not fraternal twins. So, it came as quite a surprise when Jimin was followed fourteen minutes later by Taehyung. But, despite how much harder it made their lives, juggling not only university, but their dreams, and two children as well, Namjoon wouldn’t trade his sons for the world. He followed the sounds of baby gurgling and giggles, smiling as he watched Yoongi, Hoseok and Seokjin play with his sons. He continued scanning, sighing when he realised Jihee was nowhere in sight, as usual. Jimin caught sight of his father and immediately squealed in joy, hands reaching out as he grasped the air, motioning Namjoon to pick him up.

Namjoon grinned, deep dimples forming as he took in the sight of his son. Both his sons were on the chubbier side, but Jimin more so, and Namjoon found him unbelievably adorable. Sometimes, he had to refrain from repeatedly pinching and squishing Jimin’s cheeks. It didn’t help when Jimin pouted, plush lips puffing out more than they already did. Namjoon picked his son up, kissing him on the forehead before adjusting Jimin in his hold, allowing him to snuggle in his arms.

Taehyung watched his father and brother, clapping happily from his seat on Seokjin’s lap. Despite being the younger of the two, Taehyung was the more open and the bubblier one while Jimin was a happy but quiet baby. Despite that, the two were as thick as thieves. They were only around half a year old, but they both hated to be separated. They couldn’t even sleep if the two were not somehow touching. It made for adorable photos, Jimin snuggling close to Taehyung as the two slept.

“Typical, as soon as you enter, Jimin no longer wants to hang out with his favourite hyung,” Hoseok pouts and Namjoon rolls his eyes fondly. In reality, he was more than thankful for the three men in his home. He met Hoseok in his music class and Seokjin through Yoongi, as the two were university roommates. The four immediately bonded and he was more grateful than anything that the three helped him take care of his children whenever they could. It meant that Jihee and he could cut down on costs by not needing a baby-sitter unless absolutely necessary.

“Why are you guys still here? I thought Jihee was supposed to be back… three hours ago?” Namjoon asks, looking at his watch. Yoongi glared at Namjoon, in his classic, ‘what do you think happened’ look and Namjoon sighed.

“She had more pressing matters to attend to,” Seokjin spat out. It was no secret that Seokjin hated Jihee. They were both performing arts majors and had met through classes where Seokjin was the teaching assistant. Seokjin had no hard feelings towards her at first, she was driven and always wanted the lead roles but that was a good thing considering the modelling and acting industry was cut-throat at best. However, his hatred towards her developed when he met Namjoon through Yoongi. Seokjin started hating her when realised that Jihee was neglecting her sons and husband, putting all parenting duties onto Namjoon, while she did her best to pursue her dreams. Even if it meant ignoring her family.

“Please don’t start. It was a hard day at work and I still have to finish my assignments. Not to mention I haven’t been able to finish that demo track because of how swamped I am. I don’t want to argue about Jihee on top of this,” Namjoon says and Seokjin immediately deflates, warily taking in the sight of Namjoon. He looked almost defeated, completely downtrodden and tired. Namjoon’s words and haggard form, however, only aided in incensing Yoongi further.

“You can’t keep doing this Namjoon! It’s not fair. You’re supposed to support each other. But here you are, working two jobs to support your family, juggling not one but two degrees and putting your own dreams of making music on the backburner while what? While Jihee just runs around doing what she wants? Chasing her own dreams while you neglect yours? She even quit her fucking job, making you take up another one. She’s never at home to take care of the boys. You’re basically a single dad|” Yoongi grits out and Namjoon winces, holding Jimin closer and bouncing him in his arms.

“Hyung stop now is not the time,” Hoseok says, he can tell Namjoon isn’t in the mood for this conversation. And no matter how much he agrees with Yoongi, Hoseok knows that right now, an argument is the last thing Namjoon needs. Especially with his sons in the room. Yoongi however, ignores Hoseok and continues laying into Namjoon.

“Tell me Namjoon. Why are you still with her? She’s barely at home and when she is, she’s either lounging around or asleep. So why do you still stay with her? Is it out of love? Do you even love her anymore? Or are you just staying out of obligation?” Yoongi asks, his words driving through Namjoon like a knife. Namjoon tenses, pulling Jimin even closer into his body, but still making sure not to hurt him.

If Namjoon was being honest. Yoongi was right. He was staying with Jihee out of obligation. He no longer loved Jihee, nor did he feel anything for her. The love had died sometime after she had given birth. Perhaps it stemmed from the fact that Jihee never grew up and took responsibility, placing it all on Namjoon. Perhaps it stemmed from the distance between them. Perhaps it stemmed from his resentment with her for practically leaving the boys motherless. But whatever the reason was, Namjoon knew he no longer loved her. At least, not the way he used to.

“You need to think about this Namjoon. Maybe it’s worth leaving her. For your own sake and for the sake of your sons” Yoongi finally says, ending his tirade and the four are plunged into a heavy silence. Yoongi’s words echoing in the back of Namjoon’s mind.

{January 2014}

Namjoon enters his flat with a sigh, rubbing his eyes wearily. He throws his bags onto the floor by the door before walking through the dimly lit corridor. He’s surprised by the fact that the living room light is on. It was half-past midnight and his sons should be asleep considering it’s well past their bedtime, especially for one-year-olds. He assumes it’s most likely Yoongi still up after a night of watching the boys but he’s surprised when he enters the living room, only to spot Jihee sitting, staring at the doorway.

“What are you still doing up Jihee?” Namjoon asks, quirking an eyebrow. Usually, by now, Jihee was already in bed if she was home. If not, she was out partying under the guise of ‘creating contacts’. Namjoon had grown wiser to her excuses over the year, however.

“We need to talk. Something has come up” Jihee says, eyeing him warily, her lip pulled between her teeth. Namjoon cocks his eyebrows once again before nodding, taking a seat opposite her.

“Do you remember Jimin and Taehyung’s first birthday?” Jihee asks and Namjoon nods. It was one of the only days Jihee had been home the entire day. Even if it was at Namjoon’s behest. Namjoon could accept her wanting to follow her dreams, he could even accept all the responsibility for his sons. But he needed her to be there on their birthday, it was the only thing he asked for from her since the boys were born. He needed the boys to at least believe and see they had a mother, even if it was only in pictures.

“What about it?” Namjoon asks, wondering where she’s going with this.

“We slept together that night,” Jihee states as a matter of fact and Namjoon nods. It was probably a mistake, but it had been a good month since the two of them had slept together. In fact, sleeping with Jihee was probably the most contact Namjoon had with her since the boys were born. The two never dated, never went out together and didn’t even hang out anymore. Namjoon had no idea who her friends were, or what was happening in her life. The only time they were together was when they needed to relieve stress and tension and during that, they were too busy fucking to speak about their days.

“Yeah, okay. What about it?” Namjoon asks, an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

“I’m pregnant again,” Jihee says blankly, staring him dead in the eyes and Namjoon stiffens before exploding.

“HOW?! We’ve always been so careful! Is it even mine?” Namjoon shouts, eyes narrowing and Jihee looks affronted by his accusation. Namjoon immediately regrets his decision to yell when twin cries are heard from Jimin and Taehyung’s bedroom. He sends her a quick glare before stalking into their room. As soon as he sees them, his eyes soften and he coos at them, picking them up and bouncing them in his arms to quieten them down.

“How dare you even ask me that?” Jihee spits back, her teeth gritting while Namjoon rolls his eyes.

“Please be quiet, can’t you see I’m trying to put them back to sleep? And oh, don’t give me that look. I know you’re sleeping around. Jin-hyung told me. And quite frankly, I don’t care. I just want to know if the baby is mine or not,” Namjoon snaps back and Jihee reels back, Namjoon getting a sick sense of satisfaction from her look of guilt.

“Right, well. It’s definitely yours. I’ve been using protection with everyone else and I make sure they pull out before they cum, even if they’re wearing a condom. You’re still the only one I sleep with unprotected,” Jihee replies and Namjoon lets out a sigh. He finally calms down the boys and puts them back in their cots, watching them with gentle eyes. He reaches down and runs his finger along Taehyung’s face, bopping his nose and watching with a smile as Taehyung snuggles into his hand before drawing closer to Jimin. Namjoon closes his eyes, rubbing his face in weary frustration before turning to Jihee. He motions her to follow him out of their room, before turning around and closing the door, leaving it slightly ajar in case the boys begin crying at night.

“So, what do you want to do?” Namjoon asks, turning back and staring down at her.

“I was thinking of having an-“ Jihee begins nervously and Namjoon’s ire rises.

“Don’t- don‘t say it,” Namjoon cuts her off and Jihee narrows her eyes.

“It’s my body Namjoon. You’re not the one who has to go through the pregnancy. I am,” Jihee seethes back and Namjoon’s shoulders deflate.

“Fuck. You’re right. You’re right.I- It may be hard, but I don’t want you to go through with it. It’s my child too and I don’t want you to just… get rid of it. But whatever you decide, I’ll stick by it. Whether I like it or not,” Namjoon responds finally and Jihee nods.

Namjoon watches Jihee contemplate her next decisions with bated breath. Nervousness fills him. He knows that getting rid of the child is the easier way out. Not that it would be easy, but with the twins already and with how hard he has to work to support them, he knows there’s no way it’s possible for him to bring in another child into this world. But the thought of even getting rid of the child makes his stomach turn. He imagines what would have happened to Jimin and Taehyung if they had decided to have an abortion back then, and his heart breaks even more. He can’t imagine a world without his sons and he knows that if they go through with this now, years down the line, he’ll wonder what his life would be with the child they lost.

“Okay. Fine. We’ll keep the baby. Against my better judgement. I don’t know how this will play out Namjoon, and I hope you know the sacrifice I’m making to my career for this. To make you happy. Because despite everything, part of me still loves you and wants you to be happy. And if that means keeping this baby, so be it,” Jihee finally responds, and Namjoon sighs in relief. He steps forward and hugs Jihee, Jihee stiffening at the affectionate touch.

“Thank you” Namjoon whispers into the night and Jihee nods, her fists clenched by her sides and wondering if she’s made a mistake.

{January 2015}

Namjoon and Hoseok smile brightly at each other, dressed in their graduation robes and hat. Seokjin and Yoongi stand beside them. Both had already graduated but were back to see Hoseok and Namjoon graduate. Yoongi was holding a small 5-month old Jungkook in his arms, the baby sleeping, soft snores escaping him every now and then. Seokjin was holding Jimin and Taehyung’s hands, both standing up on either side of him as they squirmed, trying to get closer to their father. Seokjin however, had a tight grip on them, lest they ruin Namjoon’s rented graduation clothes.

“I can’t believe we made it,” Namjoon says, staring at his reflection in shock. His hair was styled so it was out of his eyes, dressed smartly in a suit. Now at 21, he looked almost unrecognisable from the 18-year-old who had just become a father and was struggling between university and children.

“I can’t believe you graduated with not one but two degrees at the top of your class all while being a father. I barely graduated myself,” Hoseok responds and the four of them laugh.

“Did you forget you’ve also graduated in two degrees? Music and Dance? Not to mention you’re the top of the class in Dance,” Namjoon replies and Hoseok laughs loudly, his laugh setting off Jimin and Taehyung.

“Have you seen Jihee?” Hoseok asks after a while and Namjoon sighs.

“No. Not since exams at least. She’s graduating at the top of her class too though, so she’ll be bound to be here at graduation somewhere,” Namjoon replies with a shrug.

“Is she not going to see the boys at all? You’d think she’d want her husband and children with her,” Yoongi spits and Namjoon wants to respond, but he can’t find it in him to defend Jihee. In the two years of Jimin and Taehyung’s life, Namjoon can count the times she was a real mother on his two hands. However, with Jungkook, Jihee was completely different. She practically ignored his existence and didn’t interact with him at all. That was the line for Namjoon’s tolerance of her. He couldn’t accept her cold ignorance of their youngest son. Since Jungkook was born, Namjoon decided to leave her on her own. He didn’t even ask her to spend the twins’ birthday with them. Instead, the day was spent with Seokjin, Hoseok, Yoongi and his sons at a park enjoying themselves.

“Come on, let’s go. We all need to find our seats, graduation begins in half an hour,” Seokjin says, ushering the lot of them out. The ceremony flies in a blur, Namjoon too focused on how his sons are faring with Yoongi and Seokjin to care. He watches as Hoseok is called up, clapping loudly as his best friend takes his diploma. Some more time passes and then it’s his name.

He stands up proudly, and walks to the Principal, collecting his diploma. He spots his own parents, staring at him in pride. He spots his sons, Taehyung sitting on Seokjin’s shoulders, while he holds Jimin up in his arms, all three of them waving happily. Yoongi even lifts a now awake Jungkook up, making the little boy wave. Namjoon’s smile deepens and he has to blink away the tears. It had been a hard few years and he was more tired than anything. But he did it. He made it through everything. For his sons.

Briefly, Namjoon catches the eyes of Jihee’s parents, her mother glaring harshly at him while her father smirks smugly. However, Namjoon is filled with too much happiness and pride to care. He walks off the podium and back to his seat, mindlessly listening as more names are called. He hears Jihee’s name being called out and looks over to her. The two catch eyes and his brows furrow at the slightly guilty look in her eyes when she spots him. He briefly wonders what it means but decides to ignore it instead. Finally, a couple of hours later, graduation is over. Namjoon looks around for Hoseok, however, his search is halted when Jihee walks over to him nervously. He looks at her in confusion and opens his mouth to congratulate her, however, he’s cut off by her words.

“Namjoon. Can we go somewhere to speak? Privately?” Jihee asks and Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow but he nods his assent, following Jihee. Momentarily, he catches Hoseok’s eyes and gestures for him to head back to Yoongi and Seokjin. Jihee pulls him to the side, away from the bustle of graduation and Namjoon watches as she rummages through her bags until she pulls out some papers.

“Let’s get an annulment Namjoon,” Jihee finally says and Namjoon stands in shock, blinking owlishly at her words.

“What?!” Namjoon sputters and Jihee sighs.

“Please. You and I both know this isn’t working out. I’ve had this planned for a while. Since I was pregnant with Jungkook actually. The only reason I went through that pregnancy was that I knew it would make you happy and because I knew that when I asked for this, I’d have more leverage for you to say yes,” Jihee begins and Namjoon’s anger begins to rise.

“Leverage? Did you agree to have Jungkook as leverage? Fucking hell, he’s our son, not a bargaining token. I would have signed these fucking papers with or without him. What the fuck is wrong with you Jihee?” Namjoon spits out, tone laced with disgust and Jihee reels from his anger.

“Namjoon calm down. A family was never what I wanted. You know that. I’ve been scouted by a company, and my parents and I think it’s best if I separate from you and your sons. If you sign these papers, our marriage will be annulled, as if it never happened and I’m even giving you full custody. They aren’t my sons anymore. But let’s be real they never were. Besides, you’ve practically given up on your dream and I can’t see you going anywhere anytime soon and that could negatively impact my future. Both my parents and my agent think I need to do what’s best for my career and I agree. So please just sign the papers,” Jihee says and Namjoon’s fists clench tightly.

“I’ve given up on my dream? Are you fucking insane? Or maybe you’re so far up your own ass you didn’t even realise you put all the responsibility of raising my sons onto me. I didn’t have time for a fucking dream between juggling my two degrees, two jobs and my two, - now three - sons while all you did was fuck about and follow your own dreams selfishly. What happened to the sweet Jihee I fell in love with? The one who believed in my dreams as well as her own? The one who’d stick by me through thick and thin. I don’t fucking know you anymore,” Namjoon seethes and Jihee shrugs.

“She grew up. My industry is relentless and selfish. I need to do what’s right for me. I’m sorry Namjoon. Will you sign the papers?” Jihee asks and Namjoon grits his teeth, snatching them away from her.

“Give me a couple of days to read through this. I’m not going to have you cheat me into signing anything I haven’t read. But if everything is fine, I’ll sign the damn papers and we can both get out of each other’s lives. For good,” Namjoon finally snarls before turning and leaving.

“Namjoon, I’m sorry,” Jihee calls out and Namjoon stops in his tracks, stiffening slightly. There’s regret in her voice - mixed with a smidgeon of guilt - and he can hear them both clearly. But he doesn’t care.

“Go fuck yourself Jihee,” Namjoon snorts before continuing to walk away from her.

{End of Flashbacks: Present Day}

“I don’t know if you know, but Seokjin is a chaebol and he let Namjoon use his lawyers to go through the contract for free. Everything was fine, an annulment and Namjoon getting full custody of the boys, with Jihee even signing off her rights as a mother. A couple of months after that, Jin created JinHit entertainment and hired me, Namjoon and Hoseok as his first artists. And well, you know the story from there. Throughout it all, Namjoon tried his hardest to succeed for his sons and eventually, they made it. But, considering the past and everything that happened with Jihee, you can see why he’s so angered by mentions of her,” Yoongi finishes his story, but there’s not much you can do. You’re shocked still, unable to respond. Part of you feels bad for everything Namjoon had to go through, another part of you feels complete admiration for how well he’s done for himself. The last part of you has lost all the respect you had for Oh Jihee.

“Is part of that why Namjoon kept the boys hidden from the public?” you ask cautiously and Yoongi nods.

“Partly yeah. Jihee and Namjoon are both high profile celebrities and with the past, it made the most sense to keep them out of the public eye. Not to mention, he wanted to keep them away from the press and stalkers who could harm them,” Yoongi explains and you nod in response.

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. I can understand why he was so angry I mentioned her,” you reply, your tone laced with understanding but Yoongi shrugs in response.

“Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t overreact,” Yoongi replies and you open your mouth to defend Namjoon only to be interrupted.

“He’s right. I did overreact and I apologise for that. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings. It wasn’t your fault and you had no idea about Jihee,” Namjoon says as he enters the kitchen, bowing deeply in apology. You immediately wave him off.

“No, no! It’s okay really! I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m sure it must have been hard for you and the boys,” you reply and this time Namjoon waves you off. Yoongi nods to Namjoon before getting up and leaving the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone.

“Not really. Jihee was never around even when we were together. The boys have never known what a mother is. I’m their only parental figure along with Seokjin-hyung, Yoongi-hyung and Hoseok. But I don’t think they’ve had a bad childhood you know? It may have been hard, but I did whatever I could to give them a good life. I tried to take them on tour whenever I could, so I could show them different places and teach them about different cultures. Everyone will tell you I spoil them but can you blame me? I know they’re missing a mother and I don’t want them to feel like it’s their fault they don’t have one. So, I do whatever I can for them. Even if it means spoiling them to distract them from what they are missing,” Namjoon says sagely and you smile timidly at him.

“I don’t think they’re spoiled. I think they’re wonderful children and you’ve raised them well. And even if they are missing a mother, I don’t think they’re missing out on much because it seems like you’ve been the best parent figure you could be. It may not mean much coming from me because I don’t know you well enough, but from what I’ve seen, you’re a wonderful dad Namjoon and they’re great kids. Really great kids. You did well,” you say earnestly and Namjoon smiles softly at you.

“It does. Mean something that is. Thank you,” Namjoon responds sincerely. The two of you sit in the quiet of the kitchen, the silence heavy with emotion but not uncomfortable. It doesn’t last long however, cause suddenly the twins are running into the kitchen, their eyes lighting up when they spot you.

“____-noona! You came! Daddy, why didn’t you tell us?” Taehyung asks, stomping his foot slightly and both you and Namjoon laugh at his gesture.

“Sorry tiger, but you were so busy playing with Jaewoo and Sungwoo, I didn’t want to disturb you,” Namjoon says and this time Jimin pouts.

“You’re being selfish daddy, you can’t have ____-noona to yourself! We want to play too,” Jimin pouts, latching onto your leg and the both of you blush when you hear Sooyun, Seokjin and Hoseok snickering from the doorway.

“Yeah, you’re being selfish daddy,” Hoseok teases, copying Jimin’s words and emphasising the word ‘daddy’; making Seokjin and Sooyun laugh even louder.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough. I think it’s time for cake, don’t you? I got Jiminie’s favourite,” Namjoon says as he walks to the fridge, pulling out a large frosted cake. Jimin squeals, running up to his father and jumping up and down to try and get to the cake. Namjoon only laughs, before gently calming Jimin down.

“Calm down pup or daddy will spill the cake and you won’t get any,” Namjoon says gently and immediately Jimin stills, eyes wide in fear at the thought of not getting any cake. Namjoon carefully takes the cake out into the living room, everyone except Seokjin following him. You begin walking behind the entourage only for Seokjin to stop you with a mischievous smile.

“So, you don’t happen to have a daddy kink by any chance?” Seokjin teasingly asks with a wink and you immediately stiffen, face flush with heat from your embarrassment. Seokjin takes in your appearance before running away, his squeaky windshield wiper laugh following him and leaving you all alone in the kitchen.

You immediately smack your cheeks and shake your head, trying to get his words out of your mind. now that you think about it, maybe you do mind being in Namjoon’s life.

Especially if it means you’re the constant victim of Hoseok and Seokjin’s teasing.

A/N: Hi! Thank you so much for reading! If you liked this chapter, why not check out my other stories? ^.^

▷ Masterlist | Chapter 3

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disappearingground · 4 years

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Jenny Lewis Escapes the Void

Pitchfork March 21, 2019

After a turbulent childhood and two decades of brilliantly vulnerable songs, the L.A. idol has finally arrived at something like happiness.

By Jenn Pelly

Jenny Lewis and I are in her brown Volvo, idling outside her childhood home. On a Tuesday afternoon in Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley, we are two blocks from Van Nuys Middle School, where Lewis once sang “Killing Me Softly” in a talent show and got suspended for flashing a peace sign in a class photo (it was mistaken for a gang symbol). We are walking distance from what used to be a Sam Goody record store on Van Nuys Boulevard, where Lewis once bought a life-changing tape of De La Soul’s 3 Feet High and Rising, stoking her obsession with magnetic wordplay, as well as her first Bright Eyes CD, Fevers and Mirrors, which she quickly shared with the three men in her burgeoning indie band, Rilo Kiley, in the early 2000s.

We are not far from the bar where Lewis’ older sister, Leslie, sings in a cover band every Saturday, following in the tradition of their parents, who sang covers in a Las Vegas lounge act called Love’s Way in the 1970s. And that strip-mall pub is just across from the movie theater where Lewis and her mother once conspired to steal a cardboard cutout of Lewis’ 13-year-old self—a souvenir from when, as one of the busiest child actors of her generation, she starred alongside Fred Savage in the 1989 video game flick The Wizard.

Lewis left the Valley alone when she was 16 and vowed to never go back. “That was my number one goal: just to get out,” she tells me now, at 43. But on the occasion of her fourth solo record, On the Line, I asked for a tour of her past life, and here we are—Lewis in a royal blue jumpsuit, with electric blue sneakers and eyeliner to match; me, staring up at the rainbow of buttons fastened to the sun visor of her passenger seat, a collage that includes Bob Dylan, a peace sign, and a hot-orange sad face.

From the driver’s seat, behind her oversized shades, Lewis mentions the Bob Marley blacklight poster that once hung in her Van Nuys bedroom, and I imagine the scores of teenage bedroom walls that have made space for her own iconic image through the years. Lewis’ catalog of cleverly morbid, storytelling songs with Rilo Kiley and the Watson Twins ushered a generation of young listeners through suburban ennui and personal becoming—like a wise older sister we could visit on our iPods, offering an example of how to do something smart and cool with your sadness and your solitude.

In the mid-2000s, Lewis was like an indie rock Joni Mitchell for the soul-bearing Livejournal era, or an emo Dylan, the poet laureate of AIM away messages. Words—some cryptic, some elegant, some brutally, achingly direct—burst from the edges of her diaristic songs, with a dash of Didion-esque deadpan for good measure. It’s no surprise that Lewis’ earliest bedroom recordings were just Casio beats and what she describes as “raps.” Lewis was the first feminine voice I ever encountered leading a band outside the mainstream, with a sound that initially befuddled my ears because it was, in that overwhelmingly male indie era, so rare: a woman’s plainspoken voice.

Cruising around L.A. together, my mind maps the California of her lyrics. What does it mean for the palm trees to “bow their heads”? What becomes of the cheating, California-bound man in Rilo Kiley’s filmic “Does He Love You”—the soulful rave-up where Lewis belted the heroic mantra, “I am flawed if I’m not free!”? But my most pressing question, the one I must ask Lewis: Is California still “a recipe for a black hole,” as she sang on 2001’s “Pictures of Success”? “I guess it’s all the void,” she tells me straight. “It’s not really geographical. That’s what you find out on your adventures. It doesn’t really matter where you go. You accompany yourself there.”

The main destination of our Van Nuys excursion is the small ranch home of Lewis’ youth—or rather, homes, as there are two, practically adjacent. It’s a little complicated, I learn, as are many things with Lewis’ upbringing.

Lewis was born in Vegas on Elvis Presley’s birthday. In 1976, her parents and sister were living out of suitcases on the road, playing Carpenters and Sonny and Cher songs at casinos like the Sands, the Mint, and the Tropicana. “My mom was so pregnant but she would not miss a show,” recalls Leslie, who was 8 at the time. “Jenny would be kicking her on stage, and I remember seeing my mom flinch. I think that was Jenny saying, ‘Let me out, I want to sing!’”

Soon after Lewis was born, her parents divorced, and her father, Eddie Gordon, left the family and continued his career as one of the world’s leading harmonica virtuosos. Lewis’ mother, Linda, moved back to her native Los Angeles, working three jobs to rebuild a life with her daughters. At 2-and-a-half years old, Lewis was discovered by the powerful Hollywood agent Iris Burton (a young Drew Barrymore and the Olsen Twins were among her clients) after the toddler spontaneously wandered over to her table in a restaurant.

When Lewis was 5, she was already supporting Leslie and their mom with her commercial and TV acting, and they bought their humble first home, the one we’re visiting. “But we always used to dream about the house on the corner,” Lewis says, slowly circling the block, “so then my mom bought that house, too.” It’s two doors down, looks pretty similar—why dream of it? “Because it was right there,” Lewis says, “and it was nicer than the one we had!” (A 1992 L.A. Times headline dubbed Lewis “A Teen-Age Actress With 3 Mortgages”—she owned a townhouse in North Hollywood by then as well—calling her “the youngest member of the United Homeowners Association.”) “I know it’s confusing,” Lewis says. “This is part of the simulation; this is craziness. Why did we also want that house?” She erupts into a cackle. “None of this makes any fucking sense.”

In life as in her songs, Lewis is a consummate storyteller, mindful of how tiny details make a great tale. In the car, for instance, she tells me about the time she played Lucille Ball’s granddaughter on the notoriously bad 1986 sitcom “Life With Lucy.” It was the last show Lucy ever starred in, and it was canceled before the first season even finished. The mood was blue, but a wrap party was still planned, and Lewis’ mother convinced Lucy to have the gathering at their little house in Van Nuys. “So Lucy rolled up with her two dogs,” Lewis remembers. “She walked in the front door, looked around, and said, ‘What a dump!’”

Lewis’ mother typically attracted fascinating characters to the house—like the producers of the TV special “Circus of the Stars,” who trained Lewis in trapeze; or “Fantasy Island” star Hervé Villechaize, who came over for a scammy “Pyramid Party”; or The Exorcist writer William Peter Blatty. One year on Halloween, at the recommendation of the family’s illusionist friend—who, according to Leslie, levitated Jenny in their house—her mother invited over Ghostbusters star Dan Aykroyd’s brother Peter, who was himself a real-life ghost buster. Peter planned to “check out the levels” of the house.

Intrigued by the Lewis’ paranormal investigation, the local news showed up. Back then, Lewis was hanging out with fellow child actors Sarah Gilbert, Toby Maguire, and Leonardo DiCaprio—who also came through to scope things out. Recalling the ghost-busting scene, Lewis says, “They came over and set up their vague, infrared equipment and they captured some sort of reading coming down the hallway and going into my childhood bedroom.”

I ask Lewis if the ghostbusters’ findings felt accurate. “Well, totally,” she says. “Something was going on. We always had weird vibes in the house. Very dark vibes.”

In person, Lewis’ temperament is one of constant cheer. She radiates positivity, takes bong rips in her kitchen, says “dope” and “vibe” often. This sunny disposition is occasionally punctuated by looks of deep, welling concern for others—as if she is on the brink of tears for humanity. Still, she calls herself a “total skeptic,” and tells me that show business trained her, early on, to master the art of getting along. “I didn’t ever wanna be one of the dicks on set—like in a family situation, where one person can really fuck up Thanksgiving,” she says, before veering into more existential territory. “We all know we’re careening towards the end of humanity. I just wanna do my work and hang out with my people.”

It’s only later, while sipping Modelos at the dining room table of her quaint ranch house in the hills of Studio City, that Lewis reveals the source of her childhood home’s “dark vibes” was her mother’s lifelong heroin addiction. “It is painful to go back there,” Lewis tells me. “I get a weird feeling. I don’t know if the ghostbusters could have detected it, but there was some kind of energy that was not conducive to survival. So when I left, I left.”

“My mom was an addict my entire life, and it was a fucking rollercoaster,” she continues. “It lent itself to some amazing situations, but it was manic as fuck, and there were drugs constantly. It’s a lifestyle, and it’s a community to grow up around. I feel grateful for having been witness to some pretty outrageous human behavior from a young age. Nothing really shocks me.”

Leslie attests to their complicated home environment, and recalls “stepping over people trying to find my books to go to school.” She became a mother figure to Jenny, taking her little sister to school on her bicycle and making sure she did her homework. Leslie was just a teenager when she put it together that their mother was pushing Jenny’s acting money into buying drugs and, ultimately, selling them. “It was a terrible realization for both Jenny and I to have,” Leslie says. “I give our mom a lot of credit for being resourceful prior to that. We probably wouldn’t be talking to you today if she hadn’t been so inventive and so diligent. But it escalated.”

When Jenny quit acting in her early 20s, Leslie wasn’t surprised. “I remember her finally having the burden lifted off her shoulders, that she didn’t need to support our mom anymore, and she didn’t need to be told what to do anymore—she was free,” Leslie says. “Her agents were calling me, asking ‘What the hell’s going on? We’re booking her in all this stuff.’ It was a big deal for her to walk away. But she had to do it. I think she didn’t want to be saying other people’s words anymore.” Leslie recalls the bubbly dialogue Lewis would have to recite on screen and adds, “That’s just not where she was at in her life.”

Focusing on her own words, Lewis arrived instead at death, disease, loneliness, deflated dreams. Rilo Kiley’s 2002 breakthrough The Execution of All Things opens with a hushed monologue from Lewis about the melting ground. On the title track, she sings genially of a will to “murder what matters to you most and move on to your neighbors and kids.” Disguised by twee album art, Rilo Kiley created an indie rock uncanny valley, a sweet-sung pop moroseness of Morrissey-like proportions.

The centerpiece of Execution is a gritted-teeth fight song called “A Better Son/Daughter.” It bursts from a music-box twinkle to a monumental marching-band wallop, from a depressed paralysis to refurbished self-worth, from “your mother […] calling you insane and high, swearing it’s different this time” to “not giving in to the cries and wails of the Valley below.” In the past, Lewis has rarely discussed how her own biography fits into her songs, but the sense of hard-earned triumph and conviction powering this particular song is unequivocal. When I ask what might have inspired its climax—“But the lows are so extreme/That the good seems fucking cheap”—she simply remarks, “I mean everything I say.”

In 2006, Lewis wrote the fablistic title ballad of her solo masterpiece, Rabbit Fur Coat, to convey the feeling of her story—a mother waitressing on welfare in the Valley, the promise of a working child, a fortune that fades—if not the concrete details, which, she says, don’t really matter. But the haunting “Rabbit Fur Coat” laid her mythology bare. “I became a hundred-thousand-dollar kid/When I was old enough to realize/Wiped the dust from my mother’s eyes,” Lewis sings, the last line quivering into a moment of piercing a capella. “Is all this for that rabbit fur coat?”

I ask Lewis where she thinks her optimism comes from, and she just says “survival.” This summarizes an equation of emotional resilience that more women than not are tasked with solving young. “Jenny has basically been on her own her entire life,” says her best friend, the musician Morgan Nagler. “She’s the definition of buoyant.”

It’s hard to imagine rock in 2019 without Lewis’ radical honesty, without her hyper-lyrical mix of the sweet and the sinister. “In the early 2000s, the really big indie artists were Bright Eyes and Death Cab for Cutie, and Jenny was one of the only women fronting that kind of music,” says Katie Crutchfield, aka Waxahatchee. “But in the next generation after that in indie music, there are so many women. How could she not have been a huge part of that?”

Crutchfield, now an indie figurehead in her own right, says no songwriter has directly influenced her more than Lewis. When she was still a 20-year-old punk living in Alabama, Crutchfield got the cover of The Execution of All Things tattooed prominently on her arm. Lewis’ odd, poppy, poetic songs had a musicality she hadn’t found in punk, but they still spoke to her as an outcast.

Seeing Rilo Kiley play for the first time—at a Birmingham venue she would go on to play herself—was a watershed moment. Crutchfield and her two sisters stood front row center, sang every word, and cried. “It was so huge to see a woman on stage holding a guitar, being powerful but still very feminine,” Crutchfield says. “That was my first foray into seeing that as a possibility for myself.” She recalls the exact outfit Lewis wore that night: red leather skirt, knee socks, T-shirt tucked in, and “a belt that was like a ruler—something you would see on a teacher.”

When Eva Hendricks, singer of sugarrushing New York pop-rock band Charly Bliss, was still in high school, she would spend days writing Lewis’ lyrics in her notebooks over and over, becoming attuned to the virtues of unsparing openness in songwriting. “Listening to that music unlocked something I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to understand about myself,” says Hendricks, who also appreciated how Lewis never downplayed her femininity. She distinctly recalls going to a Lewis record signing around 2014’s The Voyager: “I waited in line and when it got to be my turn, the only thing I could think to say was, ‘I can’t believe that your voice is coming out of a real human being.’”

Harmony Tividad, of Girlpool, was 12 the first time she heard Rilo Kiley, and calls Execution’s “The Good That Won’t Come Out” one of her favorite songs of all time. “That song is more like a diary entry, and vulnerable in this way that feels like a secret,” Tividad says. The unvarnished album opener peaks with Lewis speak-singing, “You say I choose sadness, that it never once has chosen me/Maybe you’re right.”

“I was a really emotional, awkward young person and felt kind of socially trapped,” Tividad, now 23, reflects. “I was a freak. And that song is about exploring all of this stuff inside of yourself that you can’t really show people. It’s about isolation, which I have felt a lot. This music was a soundtrack to that recalibration of personhood. It was very integral in me developing a sense of self.”

Lewis has resided in the quiet show-biz neighborhood of Studio City—which she refers to as “Stud City”—for 11 years. She mentions that her current home is still, technically, located in the Valley, and shoots me a conspiratorial look: “Don’t tell anyone.” There are retro-looking landlines all around the house (cell service is poor), and eye-catching vintage Christmas bulbs strung in the kitchen window. The house was previously owned by the late Disney animator Art Stevens, who worked on Fantasia and Peter Pan. Standing amid dozens of plants in the little green room at the heart of her home, sipping a coconut La Croix, Lewis enthuses about Mort Garson’s obscure 1976 electronic record, called Mother Earth’s Plantasia. The whole place has an air of magic.

Its infrastructure has been unchanged for decades, which stuck out to a location scout for Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming Charles Manson film, who knocked on the door one day and asked to take some photos. He did not return, but his business card is on Lewis’ refrigerator, alongside one from legendary songwriter Van Dyke Parks, and a Bob Dylan backstage pass. The fridge is mostly covered with hospital stickers from when Lewis was visiting her mom, who died of cancer in 2017, and inspired her new song “Little White Dove.”

The other big change in Lewis’ life was the dissolution of her 12-year relationship with singer-songwriter Jonathan Rice—after which, to shake up the energy of the house, Lewis’ friend and photographer Autumn de Wilde painted the walls of her bedroom a striking shade of rose. Directly outside the door is a life-size photo of her best friend Morgan, and the window of her bedroom, spanning the right wall, looks out to a built-in pool. The sill holds carefully arranged objects: ruby slippers, her passport, a candle, a plethora of sunglasses, and a violet notebook labeled “Lewis homework for On the Line.”

Talking with Lewis, the despairing elephant in the room is Ryan Adams, who played on the album. Two weeks before we meet, Adams was accused of sexual misconduct and emotional manipulation from musician Phoebe Bridgers, his ex-wife Mandy Moore, and others, including a woman who was allegedly 14 at the time, prompting a criminal investigation by the FBI. “The allegations are so serious and shocking and really fucked up, and I was so sad on so many levels when I heard,” Lewis tells me. “I hate that he’s on this album, but you can’t rewrite how things went. We started the record together two years ago, and he worked on it—we were in the studio for five days. Then he pretty much bounced, and I had to finish the album by myself.”

“This is part of my lifelong catalog,” Lewis continues. “The album is an extension of that thing that started back at my mom’s house—I had to save myself and my music, and get away from the toxicity. Ultimately, it’s me and my songs. I began in my bedroom with a tape recorder, and it was like my own fantasy world. I’ve taken all these weird turns in my life—with mostly men, sometimes women—but I feel like I’m finally back to that place, which is autonomy.”

Though On the Line features an impressive array of players—Beck, Rolling Stones producer Don Was, Dylan drummer Jim Keltner, literally Ringo Starr—the album marks the first time Lewis has penned an album of songs solo, without co-writers, since Rabbit Fur Coat. “I’m not fully myself when I’m co-writing,” Lewis admits, describing a directness to the songs she’s penned with men, like Rilo Kiley’s “Portions for Foxes,” as opposed to songs she’s written alone, like “Silver Lining.” “With the songs I’ve co-written, it’s almost as if there’s a trimming of the emotional, rambling, poetic hysteria, which is where I live when I’m writing by myself,” Lewis says. “I don’t think of songs structurally. It’s a feeling, and I’m chasing the feeling.”

The cover of On the Line is a close-up of Lewis’ chest in an ornate blue gown. She chose the snapshot intuitively, from a pile of Polaroids taken by de Wilde, and only later recognized it as a deep homage to her mom, who once dressed similarly in Vegas and had an identical mole between her breasts. “Over the years I’ve become more comfortable in my skin,” Lewis says. “It’s funny to feel good in your skin when it’s not quite as tight as it used to be.”

With her voice sounding more refined than ever, On the Line finds Lewis singing about getting head in a black Corvette, feeling “wicked,” and—on the devastatingly delicate “Taffy”—sending nudes to a lover she knows will leave. “There’s a lot of fantasy in my songs,” Lewis tells me. “Sadly, I don’t get that much action. I should have gotten more.” She says she has always written about sex as “character projection,” but when she did so on Rilo Kiley’s final album, 2007’s Under the Black Light, it polarized fans. Lewis recalls one journalist who made a flow chart claiming to correlate the declining quality of the band’s music and the shrinking size of her hot pants. “It was so puritanical,” she says. But as the borders between the underground, mainstream, and genre have broken down, the artists who Lewis inspired are continuing to make space for more expansive expressions of sexuality.

The new record’s sound is warm and sleek, and when Lewis says she listened primarily to Kanye’s recent work while mixing it, I recall yet another wacky tale she shared with me at her house: Once, circa 2008, Lewis chanced upon Kanye at an airport. He played her a cut from 808s and Heartbreaks, and she played him her sprawling psych-rock triptych “The Next Messiah.”

Listening to On the Line, I find myself fixated on “Wasted Youth,” which uses a jaunty piano arrangement to deliver its neatly bleak refrain: “I wasted my youth on a poppy.” Lewis then slyly draws a line from the drugs to our numbing daily realities. When she sings, “Everybody knows we’re in trouble/Doo doo doo doo doo/Candy Crush,” I can feel my phone festering in my palm.

“I feel like that song is more about Candy Crush than heroin, if that’s even fucking possible,” Lewis says. “That’s the fuckin’ end: Candy Crush. It’s terrifying. I feel like my brain has been taken over by one of those weird fungi that grow out of the head of an ant in the rainforest. It’s like we’re spracked out on our Instagrams. It makes me feel like shit even talking about it.”

By the bridge, however, Lewis offers a blunt jolt of hope: “We’re all here, then we’re gone/Do something while your heart is thumping!” That’s a surprisingly heartening sentiment from a songwriter who has referred to herself as “a walking corpse,” who once made a springy emo anthem entitled “Jenny, You’re Barely Alive.”

“I’m in my 40s and something has shifted,” she says, when I ask what she does these days to help herself through. “Maybe you’re more aware of your own mortality, and have the balls to walk away from things, and be untethered, and do the reflection and the hard work—getting your ass out of bed and walking a couple miles, going to the gym, talking to a therapist.”

Lewis says her relationships with her female friends have deepened profoundly in recent years. “Maybe this is what we’re picking up on: the collective consciousness,” she says. “Women are talking to one another more. Reaching out to my girlfriends has helped me through these lessons that keep coming up. It’s the same lesson, where I’m like, ‘How am I in this situation with this fucking person that’s crazy… again? Why am I here and why have I stayed this long?’ And then my girlfriends are there to go: ‘Get the fuck out of there!’” (She is clear that this is not about her relationship with Rice, but rather about other romantic and working partnerships.)

I tell Lewis that these get-me-out predicaments remind me of her own song, “Godspeed,” from 2008’s Acid Tongue, which I had been revisiting quite a bit lately—a golden-hour piano ballad from one woman to another, a paean to “keep the lighthouse in sight,” to get “up and out of his house,” because “no man should treat you like he do.” “I wrote that for my friend,” Lewis says. “But maybe I wrote it for myself now.”

By the end of my time at Lewis’ house, the sun has set and we’re sitting in near total darkness, save for the neon pink glow of one of her many landlines. “You have to make a choice to be happy, or try to be,” Lewis insists. “Sometimes that involves moving away from people that you love, or that hurt you, or that are toxic. You have to find your bliss in life, right?”

I almost can’t believe that the same woman who provided me with my personal millennial-burnout anthems is asking me about unfettered joy—the artist who wrote the lyrics “I do this thing where I think I’m real sick, but I won’t go to the doctor to find out about it” and “I’m a modern girl but I fold in half so easily when I put myself in the picture of success” and “It must be nice to finish when you’re dead.” But I nod; it’s true.

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nubnubblr · 5 years

Text

Day By Day .43

Was I scared of him?

Had he asked me that when we first started dating, I might have considered it. His actions and his mood did worry me back then, but now that I knew him better, or at least I think I did; he didn't worry me anymore.

Being with him; I felt shy, excited and fluttery. I found myself doing things purely because he had mentioned he liked them, like wearing my glasses more often, or not pinning the 'dingley dangley bits' as he put it, back. When I think about where our relationship could go it makes me nervous and anxious, and when he does things like; holding my hand, taking me on a date, or planning this surprise dinner he put so much thought and effort into, even buying me flowers. All these things he's never done before, it's hard to find my breath or contain a smile. But sacred of him?

SEYONG

She looked a little surprised by my question, she frowned slightly thinking about it for a second, then without hesitation or any sign of doubt she said;

"No,"

"No?" I raised an eyebrow before pulling two bowels from the cupboard.

"Why would I be?" she shrugged.

"I don't scare you, even a little bit?"

"Should you?" she asked.

"No," I shook my head.

"Good," she smiled.

JIYEON

"Is everyone here?" the CEO asked entering the room, he looked directly at Xander who was nervously standing next to Yoshi in the corner of the room.

"Well, it's your idea, how about you explain it?" he stated sitting at the head of the table.

"Ah, right," he cleared his throat.

"You've been seeking a way to spread the company name, so I've come up with an idea,"

"This much I know," the CEO sighed with a bored expression.

"Idol groups are very popular these days, Fantangio has grouped some of their actors together to form a group and they're getting the company name out there as well as the names of the group members, this type of promotion is reeling in contracts for movies and advertising which is raising their revenue,"

"So this isn't your idea," he was interrupted raising an eyebrow.

"Not exactly,"

"Go on," he sighed sounding impatient.

"I thought that if we create our own female idol group with the models in this room it could do the same for us,"

"Can they even sing?"

"Well, Solji has an amazing voice, and as you know has been doing activities as a solo artist for a while now, and L.E can rap,"

"Okay, so that's their purpose of being here, what about the other three, no offence girls," he smiled warmly at us.

"Junghwa is a skilled dancer and she choreographs, Hyerin has the weird, quirky attitude, and Jiyeon just has attitude," Xander explained, I just frowned at him.

"Yes, but can they sing? You can't expect them to just stand in the background being weird and sassy,"

"They can carry a note, with a little vocal training there won't be a problem," how would he know? He hasn't ever heard me sing.

"Have you got a vocal trainer?"

"No,"

"What about a song? Have got spoken to a composer or a producer?"

"Not yet,"

"You want me to fund something you haven't even planned properly?"

"I have planned it, I just couldn't go a head and organise any of that without permission to do so," he frowned.

"You have two weeks to put together a debut song complete with choreography and concept, if you can't do it in that time then I will find another way to advertise the company. So don't let it go to waste, you can come and see me later about your budget,"

"Two weeks," Xander frowned.

"If that's not enough time tell me now so we don't waste good resources,"

"Two weeks will be fine," he nodded.

"Good, work hard girls," he smiled at us once more before leaving.

"Does he seriously think we can do this in two weeks?" Xander frowned, speaking more to himself than anyone else.

"He's seeing what you can do, it's a test," Yoshi patted his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, you want us to be idols?" I raised an eyebrow at Xander.

SEYONG

Eunji was sitting in the dinning room while I assembled the bibimbap in the bowls, I frowned down at the ingredients, they were definitely not cut as thin as they should be. I sighed picking up the knife and trying to cut them finer but ended up just making them look chunky. Giving up and tried to place them in the bowls without making it look like a four-year-old put it together.

All I can do now is hope it doesn't taste as bad as it looks...

EUNJI

Seyong entered the room, placing a bowl in front of me before sitting down with his own. He kind of frowned down at the bowls before looking up.

"Thank you," I smile when he handed me a spoon and a pair of chopsticks.

"Don't thank me just yet," he mumbled.

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"Nothing, how do you think you did in your exam?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. Fine, I guess," I shrugged mixing everything together.

"Only fine?"

"I was in a rush to get to class, I was almost late and then when I sat down I went blank and forgot everything. I answered all the questions, I'm just not sure any of them a right," I stated sticking a spoonful in my mouth.

Seyong watched my reaction carefully, I tried to keep a straight face, or at least I hope I did. He didn't react so I guess I hadn't pulled a face, it's not that it was bad, because it wasn't, the rice was both a little under cooked and over cooked , don't ask me how. It added a bit of unexpected crunch but it's wasn't that bad, and some of the vegetables were in chunks that were a little harder to chew threw but it was eatable. It was honestly so sweet of him to even attempt this, so I didn't want to fault him for it. Also, judging by his face, he was already worried I was going to hate it.

"How is it?" he asked biting the corner of his bottom lip.

"It's good," I smiled brightly at him, he visible relaxed tiring it himself.

"This is horrible," he frowned.

"I don't think so," I stated eating another spoonful.

"You really don't have to eat that, I'll just order something," he sighed.

"Why? It's fine, it tastes good, it's seasoned well, I'm quite happy eating it,"

"You're a liar, it's difficult to chew," he frowned rubbing his jaw slightly.

"So the vegetables are a little thick and the rice isn't perfect, it's still delicious, and for your first attempt at cooking, it's amazing, don't be so hard on yourself,"

"Are you sure?"

"If you don't want to eat it that's fine, but I plan to enjoy it," I shrugged with a smile.

SEYONG

I watched her happily eat, without pulling a face or showing any sign that she wasn't enjoying it, maybe I was judging it too harshly. I put another spoonful in my mouth, I was not judging too harshly... it hurt my teeth to chew. It was like eating raw rice and uncooked vegetables with the added flavour of burnt.

"Nope," I put my spoon down.

"What?"

"I'm not making you eat this,"

"You're not, I'm eating it willingly,"

"Then clearly eating Gunwoo's cooking has killed your taste buds, go get changed and we'll go out somewhere," I said picking up both bowls.

"Hey, I'm eating that," she frowned at me following me through to the kitchen.

"It's painful to eat, and you'll end up feeling sick if you eat this,"

"No it isn't and I won't feel sick, give it back," she pouted.

"You will,"

"No I won't, give, I'm hungry," she whined reaching for the bowl.

"No, we'll go to the night market and find something better,"

"I don't want better," she gently gabbed the bowl

"I can't let you eat this,"

"Give," she laughed pulling the bowl towards her.

"No," I smirked at her.

"You can't make me something then not let me eat it,"

"I can if it's this bad,"

"It's not bad,"

"You're right, it's horrible, it causes physical pain in my mouth,"

I pulled the bowl a little harder, her grip released and she stumbled forward, hitting my chest, my free hand wrapped around her waist to stabilise her. Her body was now pressed against me, her arms resting on my chest keeping that small distance between us. My arm still wrapped around her waist, she looked up at me as I put the bowl on the bench.

"Are you okay?" I practically whispered.

EUNJI

We were so close I could feel his heart beats in between my own or was that just my heart beating? He was looking down at me, our faces only inches apart, he looked like he wanted to lean in but was unsure, maybe of whether I wanted him too? I don't know, yes and no.

"Eunji?" he frowned when I didn't answer his question.

"Ah, yeah," I nodded slightly, eyes never leaving his.

He leant in slightly and without realising I reacted by resting my forehead on his chest. My cheeks were hot and my heartbeat was threatening to break through my chest.

"So the night market?" I frowned, laughing slightly without moving, he kissed the top of my head

"Go get changed into something warmer," he sighed before letting go.

"Let me eat this first," I stated picking up the bowl.

JIYEON

"Can you take Jiyeon and Insoo home? I'm going to talk to dad," Xander asked Yoshi.

"Uh, yeah," he nodded slowly after looking over at Hyerin who shrugged.

"I'll do it," Solji offered.

"You sure?" I frowned at her.

"Yeah, I can see the butt hurt on Yoshi's face and I've got to pick someone up who's that way anyway," she shrugged.

"I'm not butt hurt," Yoshi tried defending himself.

"Yes you are, you two have plans tonight," she pointed between Yoshi and Hyerin.

"I can still do my job," he huffed.

"Shut up," Solji rolled her eyes, he just poked his tongue out at her.

"I want you all here first thing tomorrow," Xander stated sternly.

"Yeah, I can't do that," I said.

"Why not?"

"I have an exam in the morning,"

"Well come straight here after,"

"Do we even get a say in whether we want to do this or not?" I raised an eyebrow.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow," he deadpanned before leaving the room.

"Let's go," Solji stated.

"See you tomorrow," Junghwa beamed.

INSOO

"So what are you two doing for dinner?" Solji asked as we got in her car, I sat in the back of the red Mini Cooper, while the girls sat in the front.

"No idea," Jiyeon shrugged.

"Do you want to come out with me and J-Heart?"

"Uh, he needs to get home and elevate his leg, but why don't you and J-heart come over and I'll cook?"

"I can go out to eat," I frowned at her.

"You can't just put your feet up on restaurant chairs, besides you complain about their food anyway," she raised an eyebrow. I can't exactly argue with that, I'm not sure what Ji does to it but her food is always better.

"You don't have to cook, we can just order something,"

"I like cooking, it's really no problem,"

"She's on a health binge, so she won't eat ordered food,"

"Why?"

"Just trying something different," she shrugged.

"Well, if you're sure you don't mind, I don't see J-Heart having an issue with it,

"If he does we can just reschedule,"

"If he does I'm very convincing," she smirked.

"I'm sure you are," Ji laughed.

***

"I'll just run up and get him," Solji said as she parked the car. Ji nodded getting out front and sat in the back with me.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I nodded.

"Liar, I could see you cringing every time we turned a corner,"

"I just need to put it up and take some painkillers," I shrugged.

"Did I make it hurt more?"

"Kind of," I teased.

"Good, serves you right for lying and putting your feet on my coffee table," she playfully glared.

"Our coffee table,"

"Our coffee table," she shook her head giving me a small smile.

"Are you okay with Solji and J-Heart coming to dinner?"

"Yeah, I've known J-Heart for years," I nodded.

"Really?"

"Mm, he's one of Seyong's friends, we're not bros, but we're friends. He keeps Seyong out of trouble when I don't," I explained.

"And who keeps you out of trouble?"

"I don't get into trouble,"

"Liar,"

"Okay, I don't get into trouble anymore," I corrected myself, she just smirked.

"Well, with anyone but you,"

"You don't get into trouble with me," she frowned.

"What do you call today?"

"You being stupid," she shrugged.

"You're so mean to me," I sighed shaking my head as J-Heat and Solji reached the car.

"Did you need to be convincing?" Ji smirked at Solji when she got in the car.

"We're about to find out," Solji laughed as J-Heart got into the driver's seat.

"Hey guys," J-Heart greeted.

"Hey,"

"So you guys are joining us for dinner?"

"Actually, we're joining them," Solji corrected him.

"What do you mean?"

"Jiyeon offered to cook, so we're going over to their apartment,"

"You don't have to do that," J-Heart frowned.

"I really don't mind,"

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just go to a restaurant?"

"Solji invited us to join you two, but I can't really be walking around, and Ji is an amazing cook, so she made a counter offer that you join us instead," I stated.

"What did you do?"

"Stretch a ligament, no big deal I just have to keep it elevated," I shrugged.

"No big deal my ass," Jiyeon frowned at me.

"Alright, well someone is going to need to direct me because I've got no idea where I'm going,"

"I'll show you," Solji offered with a smile.

"So what's Seyong up too tonight?"

"He's on a date,"

"A date?"

"Yeah, that's all he'd tell me so he's probably doing something embarrassing,"

"He must be serious about this girl," J-Heart commented.

"He better be," Jiyeon stated seriously.

"Oh right, I forgot he's dating your sister,"

"He's been serious about her way before they started dating, he just didn't know it,"

"Really?"

"Mm,"

EUNJI

We walked down the street towards the night market, he didn't let me finish the bibimbap he made, somehow he'd managed to empty it into the bin so I had no choice but to agree to go to the market. He was definitely too critical of himself, his cooking honestly wasn't that bad, I was enjoying it until he stole it from me.

"Your hands are cold," he commented after he laced his fingers through mine.

"Yours aren't" his hands were soft and warm.

He laughed lightly and stopped walking, I frowned and he turned to face me, gently taking hold of my other hand. He cupped them together in his own and blew hot air onto them a few time. I couldn't stop the smile spread across my face.

"Better?"

"Mm," I nodded, my hands were probably as warm as my cheeks now.

"Don't get sick," he stated pulling the sleeves of my jumper over my hands, he pointed at my pocket gesturing for me to put my free hand in there as he re-laced our fingers, and slid our hands into his pocket.

INSOO

"I'm just going to go down to the market to get somethings for dinner, is there anything in particular, you feel like?" Jiyeon asked walking into our bedroom.

"We have a kitchen full of food," I frowned.

"Yes, but unless you want something bland without red meat, then I need to go to the market," she came back out holding a foot stall from the wardrobe. I just pulled a face at her.

"Exactly, so is there anything you feel like?" she repeated placing the stool down in front of me.

"Something spicy," I shrugged.

"That's not helpful, what about you guys?"

"I'm good with whatever," J-Heart shrugged sitting down next to me.

"I'll come with you," Solji offered.

"You don't have too,"

"It'll be more fun than sitting here listening to those two talk about their boyfriend," Solji shrugged.

"Boyfriend?" both J-Heart and I frowned.

"Seyong," she nodded.

"What?" J-Heart raised an eyebrow.

"Well Daeil is more your boyfriend, but you both have Seyong in common so," she shrugged.

"We have other things in common," J-Heart frowned.

"Like?"

"We're both dancers,"

"Oh, you got me there. Enjoy talking about steps and Seyong," she poked her tongue out at him.

"We'll be back," Jiyeon smirked.

"Will you bring soju?"

"Maybe, oh and foot goes on that, not our coffee table," she stated pointing at the foot stool, before heading to the kitchen.

"Yes sir,"

"Shut up, and take these," she frowned handing me a box of painkillers and a bottle of water.

"Anything else?" I smirked.

"Make sure he doesn't move," she turned to J-Heart.

"What if I need to pee?"

"Pee in the bottle," she shrugged.

"That's gross," I frowned at her.

"We'll be back," she shrugged again.

SEYONG

"What should we eat?"

"I want my bibimbap back," she pouted.

"Well, you can't have that," I laughed, her expression was seriously adorable.

"Because you're mean," she poked her tongue out at me.

"I am not, I saved you,"

"From what?"

"My horrible cooking,"

"It wasn't horrible,"

"My teeth still hurt," I pointed to my mouth.

"Well maybe it's your teeth,"

"It's not,"

"For someone who is so sure he's good at everything, you're extremely critical of yourself," she frowned.

"What would you like?" I sighed.

"Let's just walk around until we find something," she shrugged.

We walked through the isles of the markets, our fingers still laced together and in my pocket. Her hands were much warmer now, but she made no indication she wanted me to let go and I had no intention of doing so. The air was full of different smells which were only making me hungrier, there was a stall at the end of the isle I directed us towards until I spotted something.

JIYEON

"What's your opinion on this idol group thing? Do you want to do it?" I asked as we entered the market.

"It's a good idea, but I don't see the group he's put together working well," she shrugged.

"Why?"

"Honestly? None of use really know each other that well, but Junghwa and Hyerin are hyper and though they can be serious when they're working. I'm not sure how long they'll stay interested in something like an idol group, they enjoy having fun and I think they'll get bored easily. L.E doesn't work well with other girls, she's been at the company for a while and just sees the other girls as completion or a place holder, to be fair a lot of the time the girls don't stay past they're probationary contract. Me, I've been a solo artist for so long I don't know how much I'll enjoy having to consider other people. As for you, it's clear you don't want to do this, and the more he pushes the more you'll pull," she shrugged.

"How do you know all this?"

"I'm observant,"

"That still didn't answer my question,"

"What question?"

"Do you want to do it?"

"I think it would be fun to try, but I'm not really interested in trying something that is going to waste time and energy that I could better direct at my work,"

"You know you sound like a mum," I smirked.

"What are you making for dinner?" she raised and eyebrow.

"Insoo likes Tteokbokki, and I think I'll also make seafood soup, kimchi fried rice, and bulgogi (grilled marinated beef) because he'll want meat, will you and J-Heart eat any of that?"

"We'll eat all of that, but that's a lot of food for the four of us," she frowned.

"Not really, what ever you don't eat I'll just put in containers in the fridge for Insoo to heat up tomorrow, and it's the three of you, I can't eat any of that,"

"Can't?" she raised an eyebrow.

"It was easier telling Insoo it was a health thing, in truth my period cramps are insane so I've altered my diet to help minimize the pain," I shrugged.

"So what are you having?"

"Japchae (Sweet potato starch noodle stir fry)"

"What do we need?"

"We'll just go up and down isles, collect things as we go," I shrugged.

"Can we start there?" she pointed at a stall, her eyes were huge with excitement.

"I guess," I shrugged.

EUNJI

"What about these?" he held up two pairs of slippers.

"They're cute," I shrugged.

"They'll be like couple slippers, I'll wear these and you can have Chopper,"

"What?" I frowned.

"Have you really not seen one episode of One Piece?" he frowned at me disapprovingly.

"Is that the same one with Luffy and Sanji?"

"Yes!" he stated excitedly,

"No, I haven't,"

"Then how do you know about Luffy and Sanji?"

"The dog café,"

"Oh right," he nodded.

"Well you're going to have to sit down and watch it, but for now; this is Luffy and this is Tony Tony Chopper,"

"Oh my god," a girl basically squealed behind me.

"Can you keep you're squealing down," a familiar voice asked, I frowned turning around to see Ji and I think her name was Solji.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Oh, hey, I thought you guys were on a date?" Ji frowned.

"We were," I nodded.

"Here?" she raised an eyebrow at Seyong who'd started a conversation with Solji?

"No, Seyong cooked me dinner, then threw it out because he was unhappy with it, so now we're here," I explained.

"He cooked?" she asked, we were both standing watching Solji and Seyong discuss the show he was just talking about, they were both really excited about it.

"Yeah,"

"Ah,"

"It was actually really good,"

"Seriously?"

"Mmm,"

"But he can't cook, like at all," she frowned.

"Maybe he can," I shrugged, I had a feeling he didn't want Insoo or anyone else, knowing he took a class.

INSOO

"Did you hear about them becoming an idol group?" I asked once the girls had left.

"What? How do you know that?" he frowned.

"Ji dragged me to the company today after she found out about my leg, and those two and a few other girls were gathered into a room. From what I can piece together, the CEO's son is trying his hand in publicizing the company and he wants to form a girl group out of the models, the CEO was really hard on him; he only has two weeks to pretty much prepare concept, debut song, get everyone up to debut standard, and have choreography,"

"That's ridiculous, how are they going to manage that?"

"God knows, but Xander seems pretty determined to get it done,"

"Xander?"

"The CEO's son, also Jiyeon's manager,"

"And what did the girls say?"

"Not much, but neither seemed to pleased with the idea,"

"Maybe they need a push?" J-Heart smirked.

"Like they're going to change their minds if we try and convince them to do it,"

"So we don't convince them, we tell them how hard it is and that they'd never be able to do what we do,"

"And they'll be determined to prove us wrong," I agreed as J-Hearts phone when off.

"The hell?" he frowned down at it.

"What?"

"Seyong ran into Solji," he showed me the photo Seyong had sent him of Seyong and Solji standing next to each other both holding a One Piece plush toy, the message read;

I'm stealing her!!

- Seyong

SEYONG

You steal mine, I steal yours!

-J-Heart

Like that would ever happen

-Seyong

I already stole your bro

-J-Heart

He can't walk so that's not really an accomplishment

-Seyong

"What he say?"

"That if I steal you he'll steal Eunji," I laughed.

"We'll see about that," she frowned pulling her phone out.

"You can see about that when we get back to the apartment," Jiyeon took her phone.

"Hey!"

"We're interrupting their date, and we have things to do,"

"Oh, right. Sorry," she smiled.

"I'll call you later," Jiyeon told Eunji before leaving.

"Should we go eat something?"

"Mmm," she smiled.

"I'll just get these and we'll go,"

I paid for the slippers and took the bag from the lady before taking her hand in mine and leading her down the isle towards the vender.

"This is kind of lame huh? Should I take you somewhere nicer?"

"No," she shook her head.

"Are you sure?"

"It's nice here, and I'm hungry," she nodded.

"Okay, what would you like?"

"My bibimbap. But seeing as you threw that out," she poked her tongue out at me.

"To make up for throwing out something that was uneatable anyway, you can have whatever you like,"

"Okay," she nodded.

EUNJI

We sat down at a nearby table with our food, we'd gotten a few different things. He picked up a skewered fishcake and started eating it then pulled a face that looked like he was in pain.

"Ow," he stated rubbing his jaw slightly.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing," he shook his head taking another bite, trying to chew it on the other side of his mouth.

"Ow," he whined.

"What's wrong?"

"It hurts to chew," he frowned.

"Are you okay?"

"Mm," he nodded still frowning.

"Maybe try the soup?" I suggested.

"Yeah,"

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, it's just weird, I was fine earlier,"

"You said it hurt to eat earlier,"

"Yeah but that was the food,"

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Maybe my teeth still hurt from eating that," he shrugged sipping at the soup.

"Then why aren't I in pain?" I countered.

"You're used to Gunwoo's cooking?" he shrugged again.

"Or you need to go to the dentist,"

"I've never had a problem with my teeth, they're perfect,"

"If you say so,"

He picked his spoon up and paused, he closed his eyes and sneezed three quick sneezes in a row, the forth sneeze was more of an adorable noise and then a final fifth sneeze. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to frail my arms around and squeal at him because of how adorable he just was. I seriously don't think I've ever seen him be so cute, I realize how weird that sounds. I managed to contain most of my fangirl.

"Oh my god," I half laughed half squealed, he didn't notice though, he was too busy cupping his face.

"Ow," he whined.

"What?"

"Okay, maybe it is my teeth," he mumbled.

"What'd you do?" I frowned.

"Hit my teeth together when I sneezed," he huffed pouting, which was also super adorable.

"I really think you should see a dentist,"

"I'll be fine,"

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