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shutterbug2012 · 3 years

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Cursed Euro Report Time!!!

Well, we all know by now that England dominated the field once against and really pinned the Ukrainian team on the ground, with a final result of 4-0. FOUR-ZERO!!! Phew 🥵

MOST IMPORTANTLY Daddy Gareth said in the post-match press conference, re: people celebrating the win:

I know what will be happening at home and that’s great. It’s lovely to send everybody into a Saturday night. Beer in the air wherever it is. And they should enjoy it.

I 💦 know 🍆 what 👅 will 💦 be happening ✊ at 💦 home 🥵 and 👄that’s 🤌 great. 😏

I have no further comment, Your Honor.

Note that at least 3 players (including your fav Kane) are fans of One Direction as their reaction to winning was tweeting "What a feeling!"

But... it's so fitting???

What a feeling to be right here beside you now Holding you in my arms When the air ran out and we both started running wild The sky fell down But you've got stars, they're in your eyes And I've got something missing tonight What a feeling to be a king beside you, somehow I wish I could be there now

A gay song for a gay sport 💫!!! I hope Louis thought of his masterpiece while scrolling through Twitter!!

As always, the latest interesting, double-entendre Tweets from Team England:

Brilliant performance by the boys tonight! Another clean sheet (clean sheets... yeah right 😏)(*no control starts playing in the background*)

Some night, huh?

A match made in heaven.

And then there were four... (they really have a thing for orgies)(or it was a reference to zexit 😔)

No messing around! (that's about locker shower sex)

SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD! (that's what he said 😏)

Together. Let's go, lads. (gay, gay orgies)

What else... I'm convinced Mr. O is a footballer based on the following pics:

What do we have here???????? SOCKS IN ADIDAS SLIDERS!!!!!! WHO IS ALSO WEARING THIS ATROCIOUS COMBO??? LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON. (I will never forgive him for that)

So... talking about Mr. O, we did get footage of Louis watching the game yesterday. While Louke Stans were more than happy, I would like to point out to this mysterious, tall, muscular and BALD certified hottie who seemed to be sitting in front of Louis and is in the background of L's selfie with Charlie. Hmmmmm 🔎🧐 THE PLOT THICKENS.

Louis was on his best whore behavior, but who could blame him??? He was surrounded by loud, intoxicated men admiring the muscular bodies of men running around, competing against each other in a totally straight manner. What a feeling, again! So whatever Luke said that made Louis laugh so much, I chose to believe he was trying to impress Mr. Bald Guy (who doesn't look that much impressed sadly 😔 keep trying Louis!)

As this Twitter user summarized perfectly:

So who won with that footage??? Louke stans? Loli stans? Loutt stans (that's for Matt)? Bald men stans??? Alas... it's impossible to declare a clear winner, as it's just part of #louieculture:

😌😌😌😌😌

Anyways, back to football! We have a bit of a break before the semi-finals. England will face Denmark at Wembley on Wednesday. Unless Charlie shares that video his took yesterday in the pub, we will probably have to wait to see if Louis appears in the wild on Tuesday to watch IT-ESP.

In the meantime, Louies have to mentally prepare for the end of all this football loutent 😭. What the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away 😔😔😔😔

Ok I don't want to end on a bad note so, don't forget to vote for KMM at the Euro and also why not give What a feeling a listen, that song slaps hard.

xoxo,

Gareth Girl

(lol)

Just going to leave it here because I'm too busy admiring the magnificence of this cursed essay

#clem's mission reports my beloved <3 #BESTIE U HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF JSKFLDHGLDDHFJ #have a drink on this behalf you deserve it <3 #there's. so much. to unpack here.#kane my fav so true im actually in love w him i fear #there's just something abt blue-eyed britishers hehe #also this counts as mr o discourse too!!#mr oxfordshire #<3333 #i need to go jogging soon so i'll add more tags later when i log on properly #but i needed the people to see this it is AMAZING #ty for ur service clem #<33333 #wake up guys new mission report dropped and it's FIRE #mail #berlinini #also brilliant touch w the gareth girl signoff 😏😏😏#every1 thank clem for her service to the community

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