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#there we go rb if you like etc etc enjoy.
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yeah im thinking about that one year difference in holiday mcc fits. what happened here
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vigilvntes · 1 year
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Vigilante Hotline - Adrian Chase x Reader
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A/N: hi. my brain works in mysterious ways and i had this idea earlier on when i responded to an ask and now here we are, three hours later with a silly little vigilante fic. it's literally just text interactions, vig's texts are the ones that end with 🧜‍♂️ (obviously). but yeah. i had a lot of fun writing this, and i'll be SO happy to write more if y'all want it?? idk. anyway enjoy i guess!
Warnings: mentions of groping/non-consensual touching (grabbing ass, etc), creepy men, mentions of violence/injuries, language (are we surprised), and just vig being generally unhinged as always. (let me know if i've missed anything!!)
Word count: 2.9k. oops.
Summary: You text in to Vigilante's 'Vigilante Hotline' after a bad encounter at the club.
likes, comments and rbs are very much appreciated <3
。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚
You've heard of it, of course you have. It's the town's worst kept secret. The little side hustle that Evergreen's favourite local murderer-slash-vigilante (who's conveniently named Vigilante) runs at the weekend, when the clubs and bars are busy and the creepy assholes come out to play, preying on and harassing unsuspecting victims who, by the end of the night, are probably too drunk to even remember their faces when they wake up.
The cops know about it, too. They've made weak attempts to shut down his operation over the last couple of months, but really he's doing them a favour. They're already in over their heads with calls when the Friday night crowd hits the town's nightlife, so why not just let him operate under their noses? At least, for now. Until they can apprehend him.
So, yeah. You know of it, but you've never utilised it before, because truthfully you've never really had a reason to. You like to party, but your nights out are usually spent with your girlfriends, keeping a close watch on each other and avoiding interactions with men who look like they're bad news like the plague. It's a system that works, one that keeps you out of trouble and away from bad pick-up lines and hands where you most definitely don't want them to be.
Tonight is different, though.
Your friend bailed on you at the last second, a family emergency, and you were already dressed up, so you decided that instead of wiping off your makeup and changing back into your sweats, you'd go out anyway. What's the worst that could happen?
You soon found out that the worst came in the form of Brett Lucas. A guy you knew in high school, someone you haven't spoken to in years. He found you at the bar, used the shittiest lines you've ever heard, and then bought you a drink. You decided to entertain it, because if he was willing to fund your night, then why not? You kept your hand firmly over your drink while he made derogatory jokes about other women and commented on your body and your dress. When he asked you to dance, you agreed, hoping you'd be able to lose him on the crowded dance floor.
That didn't happen, though. Instead, he got a little too touchy-feely, kept his hands firmly on your hips and pulled your body close to his until he got brave enough to slide them on to your ass and squeeze. Hard. You freaked out, told him to back the fuck off, and instead of showing any remorse, he cussed you out. Called you a fucking slut and told you that you're a bitch for leading him on and making him think he had a chance at getting into your pants.
Now, you're standing just down the street from the club, staring at the oddly professionally made poster that's been flimsily taped to a lamppost, a little picture of the all-too familiar masked man that you've seen on the news and wanted posters right in the middle.
Vigilante Hotline
Have you been a victim of a fucking creep in a club who just won't leave you the fuck alone?
Did the guy at the bar use his worst pick-up line and then immediately assume that you're into him and it's okay to touch you without your consent?
Do you wish you could fuck them up without having to face the consequences yourself?
It's your lucky day, because I can fuck them up for you!
Text their name and/or a description to the number below and I'll make them wish their mom swallowed!
(This part is just to cover my ass so, if I accidentally beat up or kill the wrong person... my bad!)
You chew down on your bottom lip, looking between your phone and the poster. You've never really been a vengeful person, you've never wished harm on anyone or caused harm to anyone, but in this moment, it's tempting. You're a little bit tipsy, irate and unsettled. The one night you decide to go out on your own, and this happens? It's a little too tempting.
But is what happened enough to contact a guy who's known and wanted for murder? Is what he did enough to warrant the beatdown of a lifetime?
You sigh to yourself before slipping your phone back into your purse, deciding that it's not worth it. But as you begin to walk away, you remember his loud, jarring cackle whenever he cracked himself up at his own shitty jokes. The way his eyes never met yours, always trained on your chest or your thighs. His gross, sweaty hands roaming all over your body before they went to grope you on the dance floor, thinking you wouldn't react because you were surrounded by other people and it'd be too embarrassing for you to make a scene.
No. Fuck it. That asshole deserves it.
You spin around quickly and pull out your phone, adding the number to your contacts and quickly typing out a message, sending it before you can even give yourself another second to think it through.
'Hey. First time texting in. Need some help. Brett Lucas. White blonde dyed hair. Awful beard, doesn't match his hair. Around 5'9. Wearing a pink shirt and black jeans. Got handsy with me. Grabbed my ass on the dance floor. Don't kill. Just rough him up a little, please.'
You don't even have a minute to breathe before your phone pings. Fuck. Alright. He's fast.
'Sick. A first time user. Happy to help. Where can I find him? 🧜‍♂️'
'He was in Dazy Nights, downtown. You know where that is?'
30 seconds pass. Your phone pings again.
'Yep. Got it. Thank god for GPS. Don't worry, first timer. I'll fuck him up the ass so hard his he'll wish he'd never even been born, as advertised. Not literally, though. I'm not gonna actually fuck him up the ass. That'd be weird. But not because I'm homophobic. My dad is gay. More because he's a creep and he touched you inappropriately. 🧜‍♂️'
"What..." You mumble under your breath as you read the text, an incredulous giggle escaping you. This guy, whoever he is, is seriously fucked in the head, you decide. A little funny, too. But you can't complain too much. You contacted him, you made the choice to text his number and incite some indirect revenge. So you just shake your head, and text back.
'Thank you. I appreciate it. Again, don't kill. Just get him good.'
'Noted! No problemo. But if you ever do need me to kill, don't hesitate to ask, first timer. Seriously, I'm so down for it. Guys like that deserve it. 🧜‍♂️'
You decide to cut the conversation there, sliding your phone back into your purse. You feel a little sick to your stomach as you walk yourself home, guilt and regret stalking you the entire way, following you into your home and crawling into bed with you.
But as you lay there, wide awake, you remind yourself of what he said. Guys like that deserve it. And maybe he's right. Maybe this is for the best, maybe next time fucking Brett will think twice before making unwanted advances. Maybe you've saved someone else from the suffering the same fate as yourself at his hands.
That thought helps you sleep a little easier.
。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚
Monday rolls around quicker than you'd have liked it to, and all you've been able to think about over the weekend is that short conversation you had with Evergreen's own Vigilante a few nights ago. You spent all of Saturday morning re-reading the messages. Saturday night was spent in front of the TV, with some rom-com you've been meaning to watch playing as background noise while you thought about the messages. Sunday, you tried to distract yourself. You went out for brunch with a few friends, but as soon as you made it through your front door, your mind wandered right back to him and that silly little mermaid emoji that made his threats of murder seem a little lighter.
You wonder if he actually did it; whether he made good on his promise to fuck him up so badly that he'd be wishing he was never born. Part of you hopes he did, that he managed to find that fucker before he made it home and gave him a beating he'll never forget. The other part of you hopes that he missed out on the opportunity, if only to subside the quiet, yet nagging, guilty conscience in your head.
Work is a welcome distraction from the weekends events. Deadlines that need to be met, lunch with your co-workers, and your micro-managing boss that never seems to leave you the fuck alone when you're trying to do your job. It's all incredibly exhausting and boring, but at least it gives you the chance to take your mind off of what happened at the weekend, and the masked vigilante that's been invading your thoughts all weekend.
You haven't thought about it all day, until you pull up to the grocery store after work, and you see him. Brett.
He hasn't seen you, you're safely locked away in your car, but you can see him. He's standing outside the store, cigarette in hand, talking to a guy who you can only assume is one of his friends – he looks like he's just as much of an asshole as Brett. From where you're parked, you can see the shiner of a black eye on his face, dark blue bruising that extends to his forehead. There's numerous cuts and scrapes on his cheeks, and it's looks like his lips have been completely bust up.
It makes you feel slightly ill, looking at him, knowing that you're the one behind this. But at the same time, you can't help but smile to yourself, feeling weirdly... satisfied.
You grab your bag and pull out your phone, unlocking it and scrolling through your texts until you find the chat with the contact you've named 'VH'. You stare at your screen for at least a minute, re-reading the short conversation from Friday night over and over again. You want to text him. Hell, you've found yourself wanting to text him again all weekend, and you can't quite seem to place your finger on why that is. What would you even say to him? 'Hey, thanks for doing at great job at fucking up that guy's face, I really appreciate it'?
With a sigh, you lock your phone, trying to kick the urge to converse with a vigilante to the curb. But before you know it, you're typing in your password again and sending him a 'Hey'.
You keep the chat open, but you make a point out of looking away from the screen, hoping that if you don't look, he'll reply faster. Minutes pass by, and you're slightly disappointed by the absence of the jarring pinging of your notification bell. Then you remember that he probably has a life outside of being Vigilante. He's most likely just a normal guy, with a normal job and friends and family, he probably doesn't spend all of his time checking whatever burner phone he uses to run the hotline.
Just as you're about to lose hope that he'll respond, your phone pings.
'Woah, hey. First timer's a second timer already? Did you get yourself into trouble just so you could talk to me? 🧜‍♂️'
It pings again, a few moments later.
'For the record, that was a joke. If you're in trouble again, I'm sure it's not your fault and I'm more than happy to help. Though I gotta remind you that I usually only do this hotline stuff on weekends, but I'd be more than willing to extend my hours. For you. What can I do for you? 🧜‍♂️'
You feel your face heat up, a grin beginning to creep across your lips as you read the two texts. 'For you'. That's oddly sweet. He's oddly sweet. You know what he's done, you know he kills people. You've heard the whispers around town, stories from the people who've been lucky enough break the law and survive one of Vigilante's attacks. Yet you can't help but be taken in by how... charming he is. Sure, this is only the second conversation you've had with him, but he's been so kind. Funny, too, in his own way.
The rush you get from texting him is intoxicating, and it only makes you want more. So you type out a response, and hit send.
'Nothing! I didn't get in trouble again. I wouldn't want you working overtime for me. But I did wanna talk to you. Just to say thank you for what you did for me. I saw Brett. You got him good. Gave him a real shiner of a black eye.'
Just a minute later.
'HA. Yeah. You should have seen it. He took a real beating. He cried like a fucking BABY. Begged me not to kill him. I made him apologise for harassing women, too. It was HILARIOUS. You were right about the beard, btw. Definitely makes him look even more of an asshole🧜‍♂️'
You're surprised to see a video loading up on your screen.
'He definitely didn't mean it, life or death situations call for desperate measures I guess. But at least you can laugh at him and his stupid fucking face. 🧜‍♂️'
Although you're hesitant to press play, you do so anyway. There, on your screen, is Brett. Beaten and bloody, begging for his life, and apologising through his tears for being a creep. Saying sorry for using bad pick-up lines, and objectifying women's bodies, and... groping asses on the dance floor. You freeze up when you hear that, a wave of panic washing over you. Does he... does he know that you're the one that sent Vigilante after him? Fuck. You didn't even consider the possibility that he'd put two and two together and figure out that it was you who texted in. You have to know if he knows, if Vigilante mentioned anything specific about why he went after Brett.
'You're right. That's funny. But I need to ask you something.'
'Anything! 🧜‍♂️'
'Does Brett know that I'm the one who texted you? Did you mention anything about me or what happened?'
You chew on your bottom lip as you await a response, and when you read his reply, you're more than relieved.
'Nah. I didn't say anything. I wouldn't. Vigilante-client confidentiality, and all that. He was the one that mentioned names. A whole list of them, actually. Kinda concerning how many women he named that could've been the one to contact me about him.🧜‍♂️'
'Okay. Cool. I guess I just never thought of the consequences of texting in. I didn't consider that maybe he'd know it was me. Had me kinda panicked for a sec.'
'Don't worry, I made it clear that if he ever tried to approach or contact you or any of the other women he named, I'd find out. And I'd kill him for it. You're safe. I got you. 🧜‍♂️'
For what feels like the hundredth time in, you find yourself smiling down at your phone as you read his text.
'Thank you. I appreciate that :). Hopefully you've taught him a lesson. Maybe he'll stay home when the weekend comes around. I think he'd be doing everyone a favour.'
'Hopefully! Listen, I gotta buzz. Work stuff. Not Vigilante work. I only do that stuff at night. Like my actual job kind of work. But I'll talk to you later, first timer. 🧜‍♂️'
'Yeah, of course. Sorry for bothering you while you're at work. And thank you, again.'
You take a deep breath before sending another text.
'My name is (Y/N), btw <3'
'First timer has a name? Fucking sweet. Obviously I know you have a name but you never told me, so in my head I've just been calling you first timer. But now you're (Y/N), which is cool. So talk later, (Y/N)! 🧜‍♂️'
'<3 🧜‍♂️'
You throw your phone on to the passenger seat, like it's burning hot to the touch and it's just scalded you. Did you... did you seriously just send a heart to Vigilante? And did he seriously just send one back? Wait, no. The heart isn't the biggest problem. You just told him your name. Your real name. What if he finds you? What if this whole funny-charming-kind thing is just an act, and you end up bleeding in a dark alley within a month?
"Fuck..." You mumble, leaning your head back against your seat, wondering what the hell you've just gotten yourself into. Wondering if you should just block his number and never think about him again.
It's a stupid idea, getting involved with someone like him. One that could leave you hurt, or dead. Anyone would call you crazy for it. You probably are crazy for it. But that's not enough to deter you from reaching for your phone and grinning down at it when he texts you later that night.
'Hey. 🧜‍♂️'
It's a dangerous game, but one that you're more than willing to play.
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astarien · 9 months
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omg your tags on that last rb? i want to know your Exact thoughts on That dialogue in the scene right after astarion and tav get together because it is so interesting to me 👀
***WRITTEN DURING EA
Okay hi yes, I do indeed have some thoughts. Fair disclaimer that this is just my interpretation! I've only been playing the game for a few days technically, so this is all my first impulse in terms of characterization and influenced by my own path, so! Other interpretations will also be super interesting to read about. Also, obviously, we don't have the full cut, whatever comes out in 2 weeks will come out in 2 weeks. Anyways! Overanalyzing this little bastard's dialogue below.
Okay, this affectionate ribbing was referencing this dialogue here where you can comment on Astarion not being totally "present" post-party sex. Sorry this took me a second to respond to, I wanted to grab the screens for this:
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(screencaps of subtitles that read:
Astarion: That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?
(new scene) Astarion: You sleep light. I thought you'd be exhausted after last night
Tav: Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren't fully there.
Astarion: I was holding back a little, it's true. I didn't want to lose control.
To preface this, Astarion's arc is clearly dealing with the push/pull of power and control, one's personal agency (and how it can be taken away), and what happens when an individual reclaims power after for a very long time being without that power. He's endured god-knows-what for 200 years, giving glimpses of his former life, the torture under Cazador, the things he had to do for Cazador (which, included at least finding Cazador's meals through likely charm and seduction, without his own say in the matter.) Now he's out, he's free, he's experiencing the world for the first time basically (as he remarks on in ambient dialogue a lot: everything looks different. Click on a globe and he'll say something along the lines of having never seen the world, but there's time now.) Stating all of that is necessary to me because I think whatever's going on in his terrible brain is several factors all kind of thrown into one; some factors good, some bad, some neutral, some questionable; again, just my interpretation of him, but.
OKAY. Now that that's out of the way. The first interpretation of this scene (and the sex scene in general in its limited capacity: since we don't have eyes on the cinematic.) we can have is the obvious one: you two had a great night, Astarion is being upfront, he simply didn't want to lose control, nothing else here to look at. It's fantasy sex and it's simply good fun.
(The rest is under a cut. Sorry, this kind of turned into a meta Astarion and Sex and all of that? Anyways. CW for a bit of discussion about sexuality + trauma + implications of lack of consent.)
But Do I Believe It's That Simple? Not Really.
On one side, I do think Astarion is genuine in his pursuing of Tav, of sex, of good times and pleasure: he's been locked away for 200 years and now he's traipsing around in mud (a novelty), which might not be ideal, but he can still enjoy the thrill of that too, looks for what's in it for him, what feels good, etc. in all of the circumstances he finds himself in. There's a kind of subdued wonder from him about the world at large; remarks on craving the sun while you're in the Underdark, of experiencing the world, and I think he really is rushing around relishing the freedom as much as he can. And since of course he can reject you, he's not doing anything he doesn't want to do. In short: "simple pleasures," have eluded him under Cazador's thumb, and good sex with someone that you're into is likely just one more of those things he hasn't really gotten to do in ... [checks notes] 200 years.
But I don't think that's the only thing going on in this scene. The fact that the dialogue specifically notes a kind of distance from him feels relevant (since, if they wanted us to think it was all seamless good fun, they could've left it as is.) And the thing is, Astarion. is a big fucking liar.
When he wants to brush aside his dream to Tav, he'll simply say he had some naughty dream and brush it off--which we later find out was a lie ("that's what we call a lie, darling.") and his dreams have actually been about Cazador. Again, only relevant because the first thing Astarion reaches for when he wants to obfuscate the truth is lying through charm, or lying through witty barbs, and when pushed, turns into outright snappy aggression. Saying that the only thing on his mind was the hunger is an easy solution to reach for; maybe it's not even quite wrong, that likely was also an aspect of it! But.
His general .. quick sleazy flirting doesn't come out of nowhere. He uses it liberally, and with everyone, in his Evil Twink Fashion. Can flirt with half the camp at one point or another in environmental dialogue (specifically gets shut down by Shadowheart and Gale, humiliatingly.. the secondhand embarrassment there oh boy.) How much of that he learned while under Cazador's thumb, having to manipulate and charm for Cazador, sexualizing situations where he did not actually have full say and consent in the circumstances, is unknown to us, but can be inferred as not negligible. It's his default state. Charm and persuasion and trickery spell safety, as does disguising any kind of weakness. Disguising his weakness poorly, mind, because he obviously has several moments of raw vulnerability you can get even without his romance being initiated.
I think his current mental state here is a combination of that; of lying to disguise whatever raw state is beneath, unearthed by having simply... some good fun with someone, not out of servitude to Cazador, not to flirt or cajole to protect his own skin, but yet one more thing that's been denied to him (and, possibly, albeit we can only guess at this, not claiming it as canon, forced on him unwantedly) over the last 200 years. But he and Tav here aren't close, close yet, and when Tav tries to push (via talking about the scars on his back), Astarion clams up quite quickly, moving on from the discussion as soon as possible. So whatever is under the minor half-truth of "losing control," isn't open to us yet; we've really just met in the grand scheme of things.
We don't know yet what sex means to Astarion; he hasn't really elaborated beyond the obvious. But, I think, given his behavior, his casual flirtiness, his "You want to lose yourself in me," (another line I can squawk about endlessly in terms of character analysis), sexuality (actual sex or simply sexualization) can be as much a means of securing safety, control, coercion, power, and pinpointing weakness. It's also something he can clearly also desire wholeheartedly and with no ulterior motives involved; and I think this moment shows that, and he's grappling with it uncomfortably, what this means for him, one more thing that he can reclaim for himself. He craves something real, I think, and he's only just now beginning to form a real identity outside of what Cazador did to him, and how Cazador haunts him.
Pursuing something like this is one more step in that direction. Unlearning these gut impulses to lie and deceive and charm his way with Tav is probably what we're going toward, given his glimpse of a reaction to a hug. Whatever else Astarion has to work through in regards to intimacy is up in the air, but there's clearly a lot more going on beneath his fairly shallow veneer of charm and flirtatiousness.
(Which. Can we just have the option to hug him as a casual dialogue option? Please?)
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shopcat · 3 months
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hi this is my ED TEACH IS AUTISTIC post/ analytic breakdown/ essay/ whatever. source: i'm autistic and i say so...
"but autism didn't exist in fictional 1717..." well. it did. idiot. "but stede is the autistic one..." they both are. "but he has adhd..." you can have more than one disability it's not a punch card.
to preface!
this show is a bit of a silly rom-com but it does deal with themes of class, race and sexuality. these topics shouldn't be dismissed or distracted from, and that is not my intention here at all ^_^
that being said, i don't think something like this does detract from those themes, or would be reductive. if anything it adds to them! 
yes, this is technically just a hc that i am extracting from canon through a certain lens to fit my own ideal, but sometimes things can be that serious. to be honest. and to me it's less of a lens and more of a magnifying glass.
this is um. a bit long under the read more. i tried to make it as easily readable as possible though :)
contains non-detailed, canon-typical mentions of suicide.
allistics incredibly encouraged to read/rb as well! as well as like. everyone. don't add weird shit though...?
while i don't think ed is intended or purposefully coded to be autistic, on the other hand, i do think stede probably IS a little in the roundabout way that most fish out of water/oddball characters tend to be, and while this ISN'T ABOUT HIM… it's tangentially related (and i will get to that later!). essentially i went episode by episode, noted down when something felt familiar, and filled in the rest with what i already knew and it took literally 4 days of planning and writing. which is very autistic of me yes.
i also have adhd, and this may inform my interpretation of certain traits as we go so keep that in mind. i do think he's auDHD, but for now i'm focusing on the "au" ^_^
in quick summary, these are the autistic traits/behaviours i believe ed showcases, before i go into further detail below: (things marked with an asterisk are also adhd traits!)
sensory differences → struggles with sensory overload, enjoys a variety of sensory stimulation/stimming.
seeks out and employs sensory based self-comforting countermeasures to overstimulation/high emotion.
finds comfort in familiar items and sensations, surrounding himself with things he knows he likes → the red silk, stede's robe, etc.
high pain tolerance/sensory dysregulation, inability to register his own mortality/level of injury.
emotional dysregulation → trouble containing and "properly" expressing his emotions, occasionally resulting in outbursts, meltdowns, occasionally shutdowns (and even panic attacks).
eventual severe depression and "erratic" mood swings with high peaks and low depressive states (while not necessarily an autistic trait, depression is a common comorbidity, and people with autism are something like four times more likely to experience depression at some point in their lives).
struggles to convey emotion and articulate what he means, sometimes makes mistakes in speech.
masking (not all the time! and he's often unmasked, most often around stede. inversely, he initially masks the most with izzy).
mirroring → consciously or not repeats phrases/words that other people have said, defaults to familiar phrases, mirrors other people's behaviour. also: echolalia!
occasionally says or does the "wrong" or "socially unacceptable" thing; struggles to intuitively recognise social cues, rules and settings.
interprets things literally and at face value, thus struggles to intuitively understand tone and motivations. finds it difficult to understand other people's perspectives and emotions unless they are stated clearly and frankly.
doesn't disguise or hide his facial expressions.
avoids eye contact.
wears familiar, specific clothes adjusted to how he likes them.
good in a crisis!*
but uncomfortable in a new environment, or an EMOTIONAL crisis.
likes collecting things (and collections in general), has special interests/fixations* ("fine things"), is prone to hyperfocus and fixation*, and has a vast amount of knowledge on niche and interesting things (cloud patterns, etc).
easily excitable and distractible*.
when under pressure, sticks to routine, including deferring to others -> pirating is, at its core, very routine to him.
struggles with burnout, under-stimulation and boredom resulting in apathy/depression*.
an inability to sit still and focus on a task at hand that he's not interested in. in general, he is very fidgety and flighty*.
can't "sit with himself", stay silent and still and not overthink, often reverting to something of a class clown instead* -> lots of neurodivergent people can relate to the good old "you're already weird, so if you make people laugh they'll like you". (i don't think his conversation with fang was meant to indicate he's behaving like that just because of the intense events prior – i think he's always been like that. fang's known him a long time!)
really enjoys engaging in imaginative play and banter, making up roles to play and inventing fictional scenarios, and dramatic theatricality(/fuckeries)*
forms deep, fast-attaching bonds with other autistic/neurodivergent people* (or, someone who thinks and feels the way he does) and they can happily be themselves around each other without feeling the need to pretend or mask, they "get" each other more than anyone else.
imaginative, lateral thinking and problem solving -> hiding in the fog! lighthouse!
black and white thinking, 0 to 100, all or nothing and "whim prone"*.
thinks in metaphor/indulges in fantasy.
has safe foods (marmalade!)
is very blunt/open with his thoughts (maybe a bit bitchy lol).
negative beliefs of himself and the world, struggles with self-esteem*.
uses alcohol as a social lubricant, additionally with drugs as a coping mechanism or, possibly, a form of self-harm (while also, again, not an autistic "trait", high rates of substance abuse, suicidality, negative self-image and self-harm are common in people with autism).
and honestly, + more that i didn't catch/didn't occur to me! autism is a spectrum, and certain traits are more emphasised and significant in some than others. everyone falls differently in the pool, and if something doesn't seem particularly significant to you or you can't relate to it, well, it's just different strokes! (this also isn't meant to be a "this is the only reason he did x, y and z," thing i'm just having fun, and giving possible, additional reasoning through my own perspective <3).
personally, i read ed as an incredibly familiar character, who reacts to things and interacts with the world the way i do, and it brings me a lot of comfort to think of him this way. it's very easy to do so.
thematically, our flag means death is a silly love story. not only is it a romantic affair between our main characters, but that affection itself is something that was grown out of them knowing each other beyond anyone else, intrinsically. you could create a perfect clone of ed from the marrow of stede's bones. i think this is an important aspect of the show, and digging into the meat of it is fun!
stede is established as a character who is unloved. he doesn't get things, and does them wrong, and he's obsessed with superficial stuff that don't matter, and he's mushy, silly, odd – too much. ed (who spends his own narrative arc contending with his feelings of thinking he is, also, innately unlovable) is not only is the first person to accept stede's idiosyncrasies, he fucking ADORES them. he loves EVERYTHING about them, and within three days of meeting him, he wants to scoop out half of stede's soul and crawl inside. they're two people who discovered how to live and thrive comfortably as themselves just by KNOWING the other person. they were captivated by each other before they even met!
the very first time they do meet, when stede is lying bleeding out on the deck of that spanish ship, instead of anything else, even asking for help, the only thing he asks is, "You've heard of me?" i don't think he wanted to be heard of, or even famous – he wants to be KNOWN. and ed, "Oh yeah, I've heard all about you," is the only one who eventually does. and that's a central theme!
to me, the narrative at play here acts as a mirror. it captures that feeling that comes from knowing you're an outsider, of feeling alien and hated for it, and the light hits the reflective backing and bounces back into finding that love for who you are despite it. yeah, it's a literal "marriage" between two guys who fall in love on a boat, but it's also about people finding community and belonging and acceptance in a society that is usually unkind and unwelcome to them. it's significant that they're gay, and ed being indigenous and brown is important, and the classes they come from and how that informs their personhood is important, and i think them being autistic even if they'd never actually know it is cool :).
NOW, for my favourite thing, which is talking For Fucking Ever about intricate character behaviours. to go into further detail, ed's autistic traits manifest in ways such as:
-> SENSORY DIFFERENCES positive sensory experiences
gravitates towards and enjoys soft, stimulating and interesting textures and fabrics – visually, tactilely and otherwise.
when stede first wakes after being stabbed, the very first thing ed beelines towards in his cabin is a piece of soft fabric, which he immediately touches to his cheek to feel and asks if it's silk. (+ when stede tells him it's a "rather exquisite cashmere", he repeats it wonderingly: echolalia/mirroring!)
(also, he makes faces in the little handheld mirror!)
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"Want to do something weird?" → stayed in stede's clothes all day, fluttered around in them sillily and made the sleeves flap and tassels wave around.
stede's black cravat, looped twice around his neck → pressure stim! both a familiar item (something of stede's) and something he enjoys the feel of (special interest), i could see the cravat working much like the pressure of a compression shirt or weighted blanket can. specifically because he's expressed discomfort in the past about not liking things around his throat/neck, it being an exception makes sense..
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his cabin on the queen anne has various soft fabrics and animal skins/fur, and when he takes over stede's cabin it's seen that he's brought them onboard, additionally with new soft, fuzzy blankets on the bed.
he also places blankets on the floor so he can lay on them (and cry on them 😭).
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employing self-comforting countermeasures that are sensory-based
when he is overwhelmed, he likes places that are small, dark, comfortable and preferably covered (like with a blanket).
when in control of a space, he shapes it: he likes dark, unstimulating and carefully controlled environments with low-level lighting (candles/curtain placements).
his cabin on the queen anne is small and dark, and when he takes over stede's cabin he makes it fit. (this could, also, definitely be a way to maintain a mask of low-level intimidation, much like how on the queen anne, he had no seating for guests because they weren't welcome).
after stede's kraken fuckery triggers a meltdown (or panic attack), he curls up in the bathtub with stede's robe covering him.
during the breakup, he builds himself a blanket fort, as well as wearing another one or stede's robes, and indulges in his safe/comfort food (marmalade!).
at anne and mary's, after the outburst at dinner, he's found immediately after curled up under a blanket on the couch, and tells stede to go away (i really like how stede didn't try and move the blanket off him too ^_^).
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the red silk handkerchief his mom gave him, again stede's robe and cravat, and even the wedding cake toppers are all physical things he held or wore to give him some level of comfort (when he held the red silk, it was carefully, and he used it as a familiar basis to form all other knowledge of finer things that he felt out of his depth on: "Is this silk?").
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possibly latched on to fishing because it was a quiet, peaceful thing. (when it became something that he felt he was successful at, something that represented the opposite of the violent and overstimulating world he was trying to step away from, he felt safe holding onto it.)
similarly, "My favourite thing about this place? I've never been stabbed," SOUNDS true, and is just a little joke, but the shop is also a small and underwhelming out-of-the-way place where he can let his guard down a bit (and enjoy the good food!).
stimming
repeats words and phrases, often right after someone says them (echolalia!).
has silly stimulating phrases he makes up himself → "Edward Teach, born on a beach!"
oral stim → smoking. both a calming ritual/routine (he even blows rings!) along with the physically calming substance itself. has multiple pipes (and obv smoked weed in the past). one of the most interesting ways this manifests is during his "kraken era": he smokes during raids!
playing with knives → kind of a funny one, but it really is stimming! in season 1, he's seen getting himself prepared/psyched up by playing the knife game (that thing where you stab the gaps between your fingers), and during the breakup, clearly, stabbed and threw knives at many, many things on the revenge.
his dangly earring could also be a fun little stimulating thing (but was probably, very fortunately, to look sexy and cool).
i will MENTION the cat bell on the collar, if only because he fiddles with it at least once, and the little shoulder shake he does before their second kiss to make it ring was very sweet.
aforementioned, but most significantly, of course: playing with and touching soft, fine and fancy fabrics.
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overstimulation/under-stimulation
established hatred of nature – hates the bugs (which are loud/in his personal space/bite), is seen kicking and hitting plants (also in his space/ generally uncomfortable), generally is at his most miserable and overstimulated.
this results in the building sensory overload that he takes out on the unfortunate snake who scared and annoyed someone who was having an autistic as fuck moment.
calls the cat collar "really tight" and tugs on it when it's honestly sitting pretty loose, comparatively.
during the french party dinner scene, he flinches away from antoinette invading his space and increasingly gets overstimulated as the dinner progresses and he catches on to their mockery. the way this scene is shot with the focus on their loud, piercing laughter and zeroed-in-on zoom and blurred effects is meant to simulate how he feels – incredibly overwhelmed and anxious
makes up very silly, what-sounds-fun-and-stupid types of entertainment, both pre- and post-stede. yardies, whippies, making a turtle fight a crab (and biting the head off a turtle on a dare) all indicate that he is under-stimulated and bored and NEEDS to do something stupid/risky/fun, NEEDS to get adrenaline pumping
this turns into going to fancy parties, sword fights and getting stede to stab him, even indulging in the talent show. probably at its widest and most obvious would be being a pirate itself – i think the horse came before the cart here, so to speak.
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clothing
the clothes he favours and wears almost perpetually is tight and leather, yes, but modified
the shirts he wears underneath are cropped, have low necklines and cut sleeves (some looking like he did it himself) as well as the obvious missing arm to his jacket (which is, also, mostly because he's cool and sexy)
his jacket is called a double rider jacket, known for its short/slightly cropped length to sit comfortably above high-waisted pants, and asymmetrical fastenings (historically, zippers, because it was invented in 1928, but of course ed's has buttons and fasteners and such). this leaves the collar open – he seems to prefer to have his neck/collarbones and chest exposed.
even the potato sack that was sewn together has a wide, v-neck collar! (which means, canonically, whoever of the revenge's crew who made it accounted for him preferring that, no matter the reason for it 😭)
when he does wear necklaces, they either sit pretty low or are very light, and he doesn't wear a lot at the same time. he does wear a lot of rings and swaps them out a lot – interesting, pretty things!
sometimes tight clothes aren't bad! different sensory needs exist on a spectrum as well, and we also know he likes being warm, so i don't think that's really a big issue either. the jacket is also apparently really heavy, which could be another potentially positive factor to someone who likes feeling snug and secure.
stubbornly sticking to wearing what you like/wearing the same thing even if to others it's "impractical", because it's yours and you like how it looks and you know are sensory-safe is pretty common to the autistic experience. i wear hoodies in australian summers for the same reason.
the one time he did wear other clothes, they were big and loose with soft material (and buttons' old clothes apparently lol). he also clearly loves stede's robes and steals them a lot.
he wears fingerless gloves pretty perpetually, which could just be a mobility and aesthetic thing (and ofc to hide the scary spider tattoo after he gets it) but could also be to help reduce sensory overload (and reduce low-level piratey hand injuries)
he more often than not has his hair pulled back from face and not annoyingly in the way! most notably, in season 2, when he's attempting to get back on the right track after the mother of all meltdown-shutdown-breakdowns, he ofc ties it entirely up
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additionally: ed's three reasons to live that he talks about are all sensory!
warmth/being warm, which ties into the fancy fabric, soft blankets, nice clothes and plush surfaces that he favours as well
good food, which is stimulating and a sensory experience (and often why people with autism tend to have food aversions/safe foods that they know are/feel pleasant)
and intercourse is pretty obvious
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-> SPECIAL INTERESTS, HYPERFOCUS AND EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION
i would say he has a particular interest in finery, treasures and sensorily appealing things. he gets most excited when he can indulge in this!
he likes collecting things (and stede's collections!). his cabin, and later things migrated from there to stede's, has lots of carefully curated items that he found interesting. exotic animal skins and blankets, fruits, skulls, a dried puffer fish, even things like a pink jewel and a lace hand fan, musical instruments and books. he's like a magpie :)
he bonds most significantly with stede over these things, and can express a part of himself he maybe didn't think he would ever get to. just "Be Edward."
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he is absolutely BLOWN AWAY by the auxiliary wardrobe. his voice goes up an octave and his eyes go sooo wide, he's literally actively falling in love. he listens carefully as stede speaks and picks through all the clothing, appearing distracted even as he talks to someone he finds clearly interesting.
in season 1, just when they've invaded the revenge, izzy tries to get ed back on track multiple times/"Focus!". ed is giggly and excited, poking around in all of stede's things and calling him "fascinating", having the time of his life.
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when izzy shuts this down, he quickly becomes frustrated and stressed about the under-stimulation he's experiencing.
when ed's interested in something, it's hard to get him to pay attention to anything else, especially something he's NOT interested in. he's seen, at least occasionally, not reeeally listening when he's in these hyperfocus tunnels (usually to izzy AND stede, which is kind of funny).
sometimes to his detriment -> both at the party and with calico jack, he was so locked in he didn't notice how uncomfortable stede was until it was obvious, or stede told him.
he showcases a lot of distractibility and hyperactivity, and can be easily cajoled into doing something, especially if it's silly or indulgent → dressing up with stede, going to a party, 90% of the scenes with calico jack, even throwing the calypso party!
"I just wasn't built for sittin' idle, man."
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able to perform complex calculations to do with weather patterns based on nothing but his own knowledge, the colour of the sky, the shape of the clouds and feel of the wind – including calculating down to the minute when dusk falls and the fog will set in, but failing to take into account "leap years" in his focus (and distraction).
as fang states when they're fishing: he doesn't know how to sit with himself in the wake of a high-intensity situation. he's generally very fidgety, eager to jump into a new situation and as lucius says, he's intense and doesn't know how to relax.
part of ed's arc is he was incredibly understimulated and bored with his life before meeting stede – we see this popping up whenever izzy tries to talk to him during the first half of season 1, and he actively withdraws every time.
he considers his old way of life one of those boring, uninteresting things that he just DOESN'T want to do, especially in the wake of finding something actually interesting that he loves. it was driving him crazy to have to think about going back to that, and he avoided it at all costs, and, eventually, cut and run.
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-> EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION
is known to, at least partially truly, have "erratic moods". (i do believe, textually, izzy took advantage of this and wielded the knowledge as a weapon that eventually backfired on him spectacularly, especially in the way of reinforcing ed's fear – that he was a monster, insane, and unfit to be worthy of his own so-called legacy. obviously untrue.)
tends to keep all his emotions in until the dam breaks, prone to meltdowns/outbursts and panic attacks, and is generally vulnerable to high-emotion behaviour → "I panicked! And then they laughed at me! [...] Nobody laughs at me!" + the aftermath of stede's cabin... makeover (though it really isn't that bad imo, lol. stede's clothing thrown around on the floor and couches during the initial breakup sadness in season 1 are honestly the saddest part to me) + the dinner at anne and mary's + "I'm the Kraken," etc, etc.
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outbursts can range anything from raising his voice (though, not usually at anyone), destroying furniture or objects (anne and mary's dinner, stede's cabin), to threatening others (who are, importantly, also threatening him) by falling back to the default he's familiar with, to shut down/uncontrollable crying and emotionality/an inability to properly take care of himself.
also again, he killed the fuck out of that snake 😭
(importantly, i wouldn't classify him physically actually hurting a person or threatening anyone not antagonising him under this specific criteria. even if it could be an explanation, it would not be an excuse, nor a reason to symptomise violence towards others as an "autistic trait", which is not true and potentially harmful rhetoric ^_^.)
he deals with depression, substance abuse and suicidality: again, not something that is an "autistic trait", but i'd feel strange for not at least touching on it, though i do think largely they're unconnected. autism can and does affect how you process and personally handle your mental health! as someone who deals with it personally myself, i do think his all-or-nothing mindset and way of processing large concepts could partially contribute to suicidal ideation.
-> SOCIAL CUES
interprets things literally and at face value, thus struggles to intuitively understand tone and motivations → he has stede explain "passive aggression" to him, and is later unable to tell when it's being used against him until it becomes overt. mistakes fang's screaming for laughter and didn't realise he was scared, assumes jack's crocodile tears are real and he's "always been emotional" – even assuming jack was there just to hang out with no ulterior motive until it becomes obvious. (possibly, at least, also doesn't initially realise zheng is manipulating them to join her, though he does catch on quick!)
i even count his and stede's introduction towards this, at least to begin with: he answered "Do you work for Blackbeard?" as a literal question, as if it was a cryptic riddle, and stede knew who he was. "I've never thought of it like that before," instead of just going ...yeah... like someone who intended to obscure his identity.
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"It sounds like that captain really got under your skin." → "What? No!" -> [explains how it, in fact, actually did] and "That's fucking diabolical."
he has trouble intuitively recognising social cues and rules, doesn't understand why people behaving the way they are -> in season 2 with lucius, the entire post-talent show/"What was it again?" conversation when he's attempting to make an apology (albeit, a strange one), with "Mm, that doesn't sound like me," being a helpful addition to "taking things too literally". he genuinely just didn't get what was going on there, but knew he needed to do something physically meaningful because of how bad he is with words.
quickly becomes frustrated when antoinette and what's-his-face are hamming up meeting "sir godfrey thornrose", asks if they're deaf and also assumes a stranger just asked if stede wanted to feel up his wife.
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if ed's existence as a character is my thesis, the french party is like the grandfather seed of it. the particular way he doesn't realise the way they're treating him from the very beginning is like the exaggerated, adult, 1717 version of when the popular girls bully the girl who sits by herself by having her "hang out" with them → "Aw, I don't know what you're talking about, these people are great!" "They seem that way at first, don't they?" "Aw, lighten up. You're just sore because they like me more than you."
he finds it difficult to articulate his emotions and express his needs or wants, or find the right words. we frequently witness this, even with people he's comfortable with (like stede): that jittery, stop-start way he talks and acts when he REALLY wants to go to the fancy sounding party, for example, or the hesitant way he speaks when he's emotional. with stede, he seems to be able to speak the easiest and most earnestly.
"I'd like to make amends, but I just– honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start, what to say to make things better, how to even say it. Y'know, there are certain things I know I should be saying, but– where do I even [begin]–"
sometimes makes mistakes in his speech, or says the "wrong" or "socially unacceptable" thing → when stede suggests he tells a story to impress aristocrats, he suggests one about scooping someone's eyeballs out. he also calls these aristocrats a "fancy britches crowd" to their faces. also: "massive" aggression, "This is a safe space ship," and when he's attempting to "turn poison into positivity", he gives two random children... knives and a big bag of money, and advises them on how to best gut someone (his best moment by the way). repeatedly calls pop-pop and his son "simple" (and doesn't realise how it comes off – to him it is a compliment) and insists on handling their dinner until he accidentally drops it (😭).
he has fang put his dog down, at the time not realising he'd still be upset about it afterwards. later, he tells stede the iconic, "You don't belong in doggy heaven," and "You're no fuckin' mermaid," despite that being, objectively, nonsense to stede (though, i do think he knows it's nonsense, and just doesn't care).
"I killed a Prussian once."
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seems confused in certain social settings, and finds it difficult to understand other people's perspectives and emotions unless they are stated clearly and frankly → most significantly, and honestly one of the biggest reasons i first started thinking he's autistic: the treasure hunt! up until "He's put together this whole outing for you," -> "Me? Why?!" he genuinely just didn't realise what was happening.
he hates nature and thinks treasure hunts are dumb ("I hate to be a downer but [...] it's just not done!") and until lucius points out stede's intentions, it would NEVER have occurred to him. he seems perplexed to even hear it, like he doesn't believe it (☹️).
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additionally, this is somewhat mirrored in the previous story beat where he struggled understanding at all that stede and the crew's fuckery was to impress him, more than anything else (though, tbf, he was clearly distracted and kind of haunted at the time).
as a result, he appears to prefer (or tolerate) having someone he trusts to identify things or help him sort through his feelings in a way he understands, without being condescending – functioning as a sort of interpreter. usually, it's either stede or lucius, but other members of the crew, even izzy, have taken up this role -> for example, using the excuse of lucius being the record keeper to help him write his son, and despite definitely being able to write it alone himself, but wanting the emotional clarity he knew lucius could provide! (which, unfortunately, lucius paid for with. um. his life.)
he doesn't try to disguise or hide his facial expressions (which is, tbh, mostly just him existing unmasked/as he is, because he doesn't seem to really care either) even if it would be probably helpful for him to do so. think izzy's resignation speech in season 1, pretty much every scene with the british, every time stede says something crazy, etc. he's always making faces to be honest. also extends, pretty cutely, to being unable to hide how absolutely in love he is with stede.
similarly, doesn't make great efforts to disguise his tone/filter himself, and often seems blunt -> "Great, you found a bug, cheers." and "I only hang out with cool pirates."
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[stede telling him someone tried to kill him, excited] -> [flatly] "Woahhh..." [...] "Hey, I'm happy for you, I really am."
"You think I'm a dick?" "'Course, you're a dick [giggles] ... is that not what you're goin' for?" "No, I'm assertive."
avoids eye contact → quite a lot, actually! simple things like when he introduces himself as blackbeard to stede's crew, his eyes are initially on the ground, but also how he frequently talks to someone without fully facing them, even having his back to them at times. even when he's talking to stede on the beach in season 1, he doesn't look at him till he's finished getting what he needs to say out – like if he looked at him, he wouldn't be able to (but also to highlight the significance of the intimacy of eye contact, and finally seeing another person eye to literal eye...)
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possibly, has issues with volume control -> speaking too quietly/not putting enough breath behind his words, though, of course, some of the examples could just been from like, almost dying...?
mirroring
others have noticed this before as well, and there is certainly some thematic significance, but mirroring is a pretty common thing in people with autism!
essentially, he looks to other people for cues on how to act and follows suit -> at the french party, he repeats frenchie saying "Please," to the doorman despite clearly having NO idea why.
when stede isn't there to show him how to use the cutlery, he PANICS.
consciously repeats phrases and words that other people have said -> it's hard to make "You wear fine things well," even MORE meaningful, but him using a familiar, comforting phrase borrowed from stede to signify how much it meant to him and what it's transformed into now is both a really sweet thing, and still mirroring!
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also, defaults to familiar phrases → says "doggy heaven" to stede after fang says it (and later, albeit jokingly, "leg heaven" to izzy) (lol), and most significantly to me, at his most vulnerable: "And tonight, I'm supposed to kill... you." → "I reckon, what makes Ed happy, is... you."
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he also mirrors actions! much like how stede woke him up with breakfast after their first night together, ed repeats the same, down to the marmalade! and, checking in on him after stede kills ned, like stede did for him after the emotions of the kraken scene. this is sickeningly cute btw.
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masking
just as he demonstrates mirroring (which is part of masking in and of itself), there is a further complexity here: to put a bit of a fine point on it, i believe, to a degree, the blackbeard persona that was created serves as the most obvious example of how ed masks where the society he exists in is Pirate Culture, specifically
masking is a complex set of behaviours used as a survival strategy in which people with autism may learn and replicate neurotypical behaviours in order to, for lack of a better term, fly under the radar. there is a definite privilege in being able to do so!
in terms of this show, and even this post, i've been working under the assumption that ed exists in a normal neurotypical society (not even, necessarily, a normal neurotypical society in 1717), but our flag presents pirate society as an entirely different world, one in which ed CAN intuitively thrive, with different social rules and cues to work off of that he is fluent in, albeit largely not happily so.
i believe that eventually, based on what is normal for pirate culture, he had to learn to mask in order to not only survive, but also to avoid what does eventually happen: izzy (who represents that culture) witnesses him living unmasked, and happy, and can't fathom it. it's unnatural, and has to be stomped out.
and, after stede abandons him, "the kraken" becomes a new, literal mask that he applies with kohl.
additionally, he falls easily into his scripted, "masked" routine of how he should act around calico jack in particular. while he does seem to be largely having fun, and i do think this is a part of himself as much as any other, he fits himself into who he believes he must be to conform to Pirating Society, even if he is on some level aware of it and doesn't particularly like it -> "This is who I am," vs "You were always going to realise what I am."
that aside, in the more common sense, i don't think he does mask all the time, and is often not masking, but it is also most often around stede! much like in the literal sense of putting a mask on, he tends to wield this expertly and knows when and where it is appropriate → a good example is when he's talking to izzy about his "plan" to kill stede, and izzy is satisfied, but once he turns his back ed's face falls.
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(vs happily unmasked: "Actually, I would like to be called Edward from now on.")
very, very loosely, i think having stede teach him "the ways of an aristocrat", or "how" to act, and him teaching stede the same about pirate society as their initial quote-unquote arrangement and the impetus for their bonding is relevant, and it reflects, to me, like how masking/mirroring does. (obviously, it's not a 1:1 ratio, and having your impetus be a white man teaching a brown man "how to act", especially to do with "society" can always end up in unsavoury, harmful areas – areas the show itself avoids! – so, grain of salt. "show me this, equally," however!)
→ BLACK AND WHITE THINKING
attributed to, unfairly i think, as "impulsive decisions" to some, ed thinks in absolutes. being with stede is the best time he's had in his life, ever, and losing him nearly killed him. he feels and thinks with his entire body.
all-or-nothing! → stede's not coming to the dock = it's absolutely over. plan doesn't work = captain goes down with the ship.
"I'm not panicking, alright, here's the news: I'm leaving!" -> retreating to a new comfort when he feels overwhelmed, yes, and entirely understandable, of course, but it's absolutely 0 to 100 and hitting every highway patrolman on the way. thinking in absolutes is a huuuuge autistic trait, particularly in high-emotion situations.
"We're both whim-prone."
there is "all right" and "all wrong", one side and the other. fishermen and pirates are NOTHING alike.
additionally, the funny jokey joke of it aside: caught one fish successfully and decides to be a fisherman 😭
i also believe that this, while he works to start overcoming it eventually, is the reason he struggles so much to reconcile who he is and knowing who he is ("I don't even know who I am!"). there's blackbeard, and there's edward, and he doesn't understand how he can be ed when they're so fundamentally different to him.
of course he wants to run away to china! of course he throws his leathers into the ocean the second he feels safe enough to! of course he wants to open an inn with the love of his life! all-or-nothing! it doesn't have to be a BAD thing :)
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-> THINKING IN METAPHOR
while it's true some people with autism find metaphors difficult to understand, ed processes past trauma and high-intensity scenarios through a fantastical lens, relying on fantasy and theatricality to help recontextualise these things in a more manageable way.
i believe that, at least now that he's moved past the "telling people that an actual leviathan octopus strangled his dad to death" stage of it, this behaviour is healthy! (even though some may view it as, unfairly, at least now, avoidant.)
the gravy basket itself and stede's appearance as a mythical, sailor's angel to help bring him to the surface helped him come to terms with who he is and begin working towards change – from someone who is ultimately afraid and feels incapable of being loved, beyond "the kraken", and ultimately is what saved his life! not only is he capable of being loved, but that love dragged him up from the ocean floor.
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also, the impossible bird: not only was he that bird, at least i think so, but this speech helped him to put his feelings into perspective for frenchie in a manner that "i'm not really doing well" wouldn't have.
additionally, regardless of if buttons REALLY turned into a seagull, ed witnessing this transformation helped him ultimately realise a person's innate capacity to adapt and change into something wholly new.
(it also circles back to when they initially met, when ed was absolutely fascinated with "the bird guy" – the person who made him realise he could be more. to grab on to love with both hands.)
the seagull flew off, and stede came stumbling back, asking ed to come with him this time instead of leaving him in the figurative dark, and the first thing he did was tell stede what he saw. insane.
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-> PLAY
ed is an incredibly playful, excitable person. he enjoys bits, likes being silly and talking forever about nothing but trying to amuse himself and whoever he's talking to. he's like a high-energy kitten who hasn't quite learned to mellow out yet to me.
he LOVES theatricality, drama and suspense. he likes scaring the fuck out of people: even if he hates being blackbeard, playing him always seems to hype him up. ("Give it a little oomph!")
his invention of fuckeries alone indicate he is at heart someone who loves to indulge in fantasy and illusion. and he's gay.
in part, as he demonstrated in-show, these fuckeries are what helped him gain such notoriety and aided in the propagation of the "myth" surrounding blackbeard. it relates to his seemingly never-ending list of creative, unconventional tactical planning and strategy; a little smoke and mirrors, and the job is halfway done.
he LOVES engaging in imaginative play and fantasy scenarios → jeff the accountant! blackbeard's bar and grill and fishing equipment and other delicacies, with a gift shop out the back. welcome to jeff's inn!
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even, in a way, "I'm a fisherman now." – he enjoys creating lives for himself that he never got to amuse before
having someone who just gets him, who is there every step of the way and enjoys the oddball antics they get up to is i really think half the reason they tripped into love in the first place. before ed met stede and his crew, i think he rarely had the privilege to just have real and innocent FUN, and i think their ability to bond over simple, silly things is really sweet :)
it is, at its heart, autistic joy. learning to be who you are, and not be ridiculed for it, but having the joy returned to you tenfold!
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-> ADDITIONALLY
in an attempt to regain control in a situation he is out of control of, ed returns to the patterns that had previously exhausted him -> piracy is to ed a routine, and ultimately he punishes himself by engaging in it. he knows what to do and how to do it, and is the best at what he does. izzy helps uphold these routines, however toxically so, and he eventually gives in and lets him.
he has a high pain threshold, AKA: sensory dysregulation! (and we've been over how he also doesn't appear to mind the tropical heat in full leather as much as he probably should). while ed certainly feels like, pain, he has a high tolerance for certain kinds, as well as a warped sense of his own mortality and level of injury → getting a sword driven through him hurt a little, but there was no indication afterwards it even happened!
likewise, he was pretty much okay, up and walking after... almost actually dying? and lying comatose for hours... the power of gay love.
"Science tells us that all the useful organs are on the right part of the body, so I cleverly took the sword on the left." "What... Is that right? I mean, the– the liver..." "The liver? [laughs] We don't even know what that thing does."
(and yes it's metaphors and different tiers of violence meaning different things that are important to the plot and narrative blah blah blah)
enjoys folding clothes (routine!) <3
his realistic, very literally interpreted statement – "Well, technically, you're supposed to avoid lighthouses, so you don't crack up on the rocks." – is what led to them forming the lighthouse plan in the first place! autism literalness saves the day...
my absolute favourite moment of his probably ever -> [gets flustered] [puts the bread he was holding in his left hand down to shake stede's hand with his... right hand]
[in a new social scenario] "How does one win this?" is the most autistic thing he's ever said or done, second only to exactly two seconds later when he asks stede what "the first step" of "being charming" is
drinks his tea with seven sugars, and it "Wouldn't be the same with six," is both a) food sensitivity and autistic as fuck and b) accessing a sugar high for the dopamine! ye olde adderall...
he has the ability to move about silently. while this is most likely just, like, a thing about him, i find it interesting compared to how he sort of stomped around in season 1 pretty significantly, especially considering it's so bad they had to put a literal bell on him. (lucius even managed to get jumpscared by him while wearing the bell.)
also, as autism is a neuropath, it can affect everything down to how you walk – like how toe walking is incredibly common! (mostly, this is just something i relate to so i thought i'd add it in. i get in trouble for walking around silently and in the dark and have been punched by accident before 😭.)
and just because i spent a lot of time observing his body language: not only is he frequently leaning and hanging on to things, and generally lounging, but he also favours his left leg. the right knee is the one with the brace! really often he's shown resting his braced leg on something (though, usually both) and supporting his weight on the other leg when he's standing. though he is also standing and lounging gay as fuck-ly.
as an unstated thing, it suggests to me that he's just playing it off as getting comfortable or relaxing – personally, i don't believe the knee brace is meant to be decoration and believe he is physically disabled as well. his brace serves as a piece of passive worldbuilding like jackie's wooden hand, which also wasn't centralised. and, to make it slightly more relevant to this post (though it'd be a bit weird to talk for this long about the disability i think he has and not mention the other one!): sensory dysregulation/differing pain threshold! also, physical disabilities and chronic pain can differ day by day, so.
finally: my #1 reason why i think he's autistic is bc i'm just like. not the only one who thinks it. that is literally enough for me. You're Autistic Now Boy.
that's all folks!!
i think the connection and kinship neurodiverse people feel to these characters is really wonderful and lovely and ultimately means more than anything i said. like i could analyse his behaviour until i die and it still wouldn't be worth as much as this fact. i hope if any of you read this it helped you feel the way i did writing it ... (insane) ... without getting too mushyyy, these characters (as in all of them) are important to people for a lot of reasons and this is just one thing among it.
thank you for reading if you did this far (and please consider reblogging if you did LOL) ^_^ in conclusion:
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sp0o0kylights · 3 months
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why the deep sigh before saying you’re a natural redhead lol
Several reasons!
For context this is in response to my answer in the "rb in the tags what would be the physical feature used to identify you in fanfiction of you if you were a fictional character" post a few days ago and the TL;DR is the redheads get stereotyped in specific ways I hate.
Large ass rant below (hey you asked lol)
For a lot of people, redheaded women are a fetish. ( When I was younger, I had people date me who later stated they just wanted to cross off dating a redhead, they didn't actually want a relationship, and my personal favorite, that they would never date someone who "wasn't skinny" but made an exception bc I'm a redhead. I've been offered a LOT of sex and a LOT of threesomes, because I'm a bucket list item and they will say so, to my face, in person. Like many things in life, there's a line between a preference or appreciation or even a "type" --and a fetish. The later being an issue because you're no longer seen as a person but an object, and people will make that creepily, disgustingly clear.
2. It's a stereotyped personality. Redhead's are crazy/hot tempered/insane (see: that one dude from Fruits Basket and I cant even pick a female character theres so fucking many) crazy in bed (one example among hundreds is We're the Millers "Eh she's a redhead there's a 50/50 chance she'd be into it") Soulless (I actually used that one to get through High School by insisting I was collecting souls to pay for my fire-lake front mansion, shouts out to South Park lmao), and many more. The redheaded step-child, the vixen, the other women, etc.
I have had my hair color come up in job interviews, with teachers, with coaches or trainers and even in situations as a kid where I was essentially asked "Hello kid I just met, you're a redhead, are you going to behave for me?" Related, my parents got a LOT of praise because I was quiet. Throughout my life the most common "praise" I have received is that I am "not a typical redhead" bc I am "calm."
You still see a lot of this bleed into fanfiction, but you used to REALLY see it bleed into fanfiction lol.
Addendum to both points above--the fetish, hot, good in bed thing typically only applies to conventionally attractive women.
Redheaded men are "ugly", and if you don't fit into the current but ever changing Socially Acceptable Hot Chick Look, then you're in for it. This includes weight, skin color/tone, freckles, type of hair, fuckin' eye color sometimes, the list goes on.
I vaguely recall someone who was doing a media study about how the male "problem child" in media is typically portrayed as a redhead. off the top of my head, the kid from Malcom in the Middle and the kid from the magic school bus.)
And that's just the cis shit.
3. People in general get weird about my hair. A lot of strangers enjoy touching it without asking, or otherwise felt ownership over it if I had parts of it dyed, etc. I legitimately had people get super upset the time I dyed it black. Hell I had STRANGERS get upset. People I never met in my life who were making small talk in the check out line, absolutely FURIOUS with me about dying it black, because they asked me what my natural hair color was and I answered honestly.
4. If you're over the age of, ehhhh, 25? 27? You probably remember the age of fanfic where we described EVERYONE by their hair color lmao. Redhead was right up there with bluenette. It was painful and that post reminded me of it.
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crazysodomite · 3 months
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Heres the thing. obviously i understand how it feels when you spend hours upon hours and years upon years on your creations and they get almost no engagement or interest. and it has been said a million times before how you shouldn't base your self worth on social media responses and all. lets just say not everyone can flip a switch in their brain and say 'i dont care and will not pay attention to this anymore'. we all want to be seen and heard even if it comes in the form of numbers of likes and shares. and im not touching on the reality that if you want to make money off your art you need engagement because that's a whole different thing entirely.
the reality is that theres a lot of people on the internet and people curate their online profiles on what appeals to them. there are few people who will share art just for the love of the game frankly. people will share what fits their 'theme' or their fandoms and interests and not much aside from this. and if you don't create works that broadly appeal to a very high number of people your numbers will plummet. if you aren't creating works that make 10.000 people laugh/relate/want to have your work on their profile you won't get 10.000 shares and it doesn't reflect on you as an artist or as a person. its also why text posts/memes always get much more engagement than artworks. it's just easier to relate to a funny text post than to a piece of art (no matter the 'skill level' or whatever).
heres what i think and what concerns me. more often than not the amount of attention you get is never going to be enough if you focus on numbers. someone who routinely gets 10k shares will often be distressed that one of their pieces only got 5k shares. and so on and so forth. i personally think people need to focus on making community with peers. truth is that 1 person who is genuinely engaged and interested in your stuff is better than 100 people who press share and forget about it, no? if you engage with other people's creations and lift them up you will notice they will probably do the same for you! try to make friends (or at least internet neighbors. you know im too shy to befriend people so i understand) share and comment on other peoples stuff in your circle and you will start making mutual connections and start enjoying art more. obviously some people don't care to engage with other people and that's fine. you will find people who do! i just think focusing on numbers instead of community is not healthy. its like. if i go into inspect element and enter 100000 likes and shares for my artwork, how is that better? let's say my piece blows up. people will scroll away and forget. but that one mutual you made because you both love each others art and projects isnt gonna forget.
also some stuff i want to say as a guy whos in it for the love of the game.
self rb your art and dont depend on stuff blowing up in a day or whatever. talk about your pieces (if you want to obviously) your process, your ideas etc. talk about what excites you and what you liked in each piece. its easier to be engaged when You are engaged in your own stuff. also im talking about all types of artists sorry if what i wrote feels too visual arts focused i love all art forever
also about ocs and worlds and so on. personally if im scrolling and i see someone talking about their ocs im interested. but i wish it was more common to put info about your ocs in a visible place for people to access. I Will Read All That. people who are interested in your ideas but can't find a write up to understand what you're talking about are probably going to be confused. so like! if you'd like more engagement with your oc content try to make it easy for people to 'jump in'. creating tags for info of your ocs/world/etc is also a good idea (i will read all that). or dont. im not forcing anyone to do anything.
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6K Followers Event - PRESS PLAY
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Thank you all for 6k subs! It means the world to me that people enjoy my fics enough to give such consistent support - I really, really couldn't have done it without y'all ❤️❤️
To celebrate 6k, I will be taking requests (for fics/ drabbles based on songs! cuz it's fun lmfao) and writing a part 2 to at least one of my oneshots. This event will be in two parts: Requests and Voting!
(Main Masterlist) (Event Masterlist)
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Requests
- Send me a request based on a song!
Tape 1, Side A: love, love, love,
(listen here)
my favourite straight-up love songs
tracklist
track 01: My Kind of Woman // Mac DeMarco
track 02: Daze // Steve Lacy
track 03: We Might Even Be Falling in Love // Victoria Monet
track 04: Romanticist // Yves Tumor
track 05: Amor Prohibido // Selena
track 06: Crush On You // Lil' Kim
track 07: Baby, This Love I Have // Minnie Riperton
track 08: Seaforth // King Krule
track 09: Fraulein // Chuck Berry
track 10: Pilot Jones // Frank Ocean
track 11: La Ciruela // Nico Play
Tape 1, Side B: ...and other stories.
(listen here)
angsty, heart-wrenching; songs that tell a different story about love.
tracklist
track 01: Lover, You Should've Come Over // Jeff Buckley
track 02: Baby Blue // King Krule
track 03: King // Dreamer Isioma
track 04: Shot My Baby // Daniel Caesar
track 05: Mojo Pin // Jeff Buckley
track 06: Jonny // Faye Webster
track 07: Seigfried // Frank Ocean
track 08: Carry Me Out // Mitski
track 09: No Me Queda Mas // Selena
track 10: Show You A Body // Haley Henderickx
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Rules for Requests:
- You must: send in a song, from the tracklist or otherwise. I'm happy to take song requests and add to the tracklist - all I ask is that it fits the "vibe" of either Side A or Side B.
- You must: Specify which tape side, A or B. To clarify: Side A: fluff, mild angst with a happy ending, all about love! Side B: heavy angst, hurt / comfort, happy ending or otherwise.
I tried to pick songs with potential for different stories - so give my playlists a listen to understand the "vibes" and also cuz I spent so so long creating them, I'm begging y'all 😭
- You must: Provide an x reader pairing! I mainly write for Miguel O'Hara, Joel Miller and Finnick Odair, but I'm more than happy to write other pairings - check tags for the fandoms I'll write.
- Other than that, be as specific or vague as you'd like. Give me a specific line from the song, a trope / prompt, etc etc. or don't! go crazy lmfao.
- NSFW is allowed for either category, please specify, but as always: 18+ for those kind of requests.
- Most of these will be drabbles, around 500 words or so; but I tend to get carried away with prompts so no promises 🤞
- I will write as many that catch my eye, with a few of my own ideas as well :)
(i am still taking other requests, but prioritising the ones for this follower event for the time being)
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Voting
Please vote for a oneshot of mine that you'd like to see a part 2 of! This does not mean I won't write a second part for the other fics at all, it just tells me what to prioritise.
(Main Masterlist) (Event Masterlist)
I already have some stuff planned, but please give me some time to write all of this up – unfortunately, I am a slow writer with a whole ass job. This will be an ongoing event, just a little project I will chip away at.
Reblogs are appreciated, thanks everyone!
_
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princemick-archive · 1 year
Note
i hope it's okay if i send you this but i'm pretty new to the f1 side of tumblr and don't really know the ins and outs yet and you're literally the first blog i came across and you seem really popular and talented so i thought i'd ask you for some blog recommendations? and maybe you'd know if there's any like fandom etiquette one should follow on f1 tumblr that's different from general tumblr etiquette because i know some fandoms have some extra unspoken rules and all that
Hi nonnie ofc it's okay!! so here's:
kyle, princemick's beginners guide to f1blr!
basic rules to f1blr:
please always tag any kind of crash, they happen, theyre scary please remember to tag them with 'crash tw'
don't cross tag keep the right drivers in the right tags, we dont wanna see max in the ferrari tag or charles in the merc tag etc
tag your hate with 'anti *insert driver*' (use first name not both first and last so it doesnt show up in the main tags) and don't go looking in those tags for ur fav just to defend them that's annoying ass hell
basic things to remember:
rpf is very likely to happen, if you dont enjoy it no worries to blacklist or not follow people who are active in it BUT rpf does happen a lot casually as jokes etc so dont take it to seriously
everyone has their favs and critize everyone, the block and unfollow button is right there, its still sport. curate your own experience.
NOW kyle's blog rec list below the cut!
go and support and show some love, they're all incredible creators and organized by fav driver/genre of content so please take some time to check them out!! (tried to explain what they mostly do but some just rb and post so ajksdb theyre still all amazing though)
a lot of these are also mixed in who they support, I put them in the catagory of people I identify them w most.
also tumblr is a dick so has a tag limit which means half of these are links so there are a bunch of people in here who didnt get a notif that they're in this post, so rip.
FIRST OFF follow my most beloveds @milflewis and @yeericcihaw theyre two of the most important people in my life who are on their own incredible creators, niamh is an incredible writer and fran a wonderful gif maker. both of them make tumblr so so much better for me and I love them dearly
general f1 blogs/people i think everyone should follow:
@race-week should be in everyone's following if they call themselves an f1 fan // @maranello THE ferrari blog (and incredible editor) // @brawn-gp incredible editor, ferrari main // @formulaoneisajoke lando main // @h-f-k amazing graphic designer // @alpinegasly insane f1 poster designer // @f1-stuff mosttly ferrari gifs that are incredibly and high quality // @yukierree irl friend and wonderful graphic designer // @husbono amazing writer and graphic designer // @hakkinens one of the source for classic f1 stuff also lew/seb/charles main // @greenliketheskyf1pics the classic f1 blog // @edoardo-mortara one of the non f1 motorsport blog // @josefnewgayden also one of the non f1 motorsport blogs // @oscar-piastri one of the best gifmakers/editors on this website
artists:
@souriadraws incredible artist // @alboncat amazingly stylistic and cute artist // @stoffelwdc incredible artist // @russilton incredible artist with a really distinct style // @absurdt funny and cute artist // @livetogether--diealone amazing charles main artist // @ruszhou incredible artist and george/yuki/guanyu main // @sebsxmp amazing linework // @mangocito incredibly cute artist // @cedobols the seb artist // @hyonibee one of the cutests styles
writers:
@stuckonspidey one of the mick writers in the fandom imo // @effervescentdragon insane (affectionate) and incredible writer // @schulott amazing schullot writer // @redpaint charles fan and writer
mick:
@acrosstobear 1/3 of the pilars of mickblr // @boomacher 2/3 of the pilars of mickblr // @mickstart the schumacher blog on this side of tumblr // @userhamilton funny, creative and gifmaker // @grussell63 funny and insane (affectionate) also big merc fan // @guanyu-ilott mick/callum main
charles:
@leqclerc incredible editor // @16whispers writer // @lukamodric wonerful editor // @mssr-monagato dramatic and a tifosi // @dobbiamo-capire tifosi and local italian translator // @monacoprince amazing editor // @ferrariprince16 major tifosi // @lileclair charles main // @lolaleclerc charles main // @finalgirlcharlesleclerc charles main // @c2stan one of the charles blogs // @balaclavacharles another one of the charles blogs
seb:
@lisandro-vettel very funny seb main // @teamgreenheart seb/lew main // @4xmulti21champion the ted kravits source // @005seb seb/alex main // @multi-2-1 seb main // @unhinged-vettel incredible designer // @youjustwaitsunshine funny ass seb main
lew:
@teamroscoes the lew blog // @lewki lew/yuki main // @xiaozhous guanyu/lew main // @danielssmile danny/lew/george main // @alexanderalbons seb/lew/alex main // @andreagrimes val/seb main also nando but won't admit it also incredible artist
other:
@spygate nando main, very funny // @beparwah96 yuki main, v creative // @formulaonedirection lando main, very funny // @pierrelli pierre main, cool ass editor // @its-always-silly-season funny ass hell // @dilfgrassi danny and lew main also fe fan // @tsuchansworld one of the yuki blog on this site // @gcsly the pierre giffer // @lesellieknope danny main // @estebanbicon este main // @raceweek the alex blog // @robinfrinjs one of the FE blogs // @estiebestieban este main
I think that's it!! go and support all these amazing blogs, this is bascially just my following list so it's how I've curated my tl and it's a wonderful place so highly reccomend.
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zmediaoutlet · 5 months
Note
in the tags of your rb what did you mean by “ao3 house style”? sorry if it’s obvious 😭
oh it's probably not, no worries. Unfortunately it's one of those things that someone else said to me and I instantly knew what they meant, and now find very hard to explain in a way that is both a) coherent and b) not mean. So uh, hm.
there's a style of writing that's very very prominent in fanfiction. Everyone copies each other because most of what they're reading is fic, and so the stories start to all take on a really similar gloss of how plots go, how characters react to things, how characters sound both in their dialogue and in how the narrative describes things. A lot of stories, you could find-and-replace the names of these characters to characters from another fandom entirely, and you wouldn't really notice a difference in how the story felt other than in some random details (an Impala vs a Jeep, say).
It's very... redolent of the light romcom. Cute snappy dialogue. References to pop culture that's relevant to the writer & readership but not necessarily anything the characters would or should know. Stories hit the same beats and have the same concerns. Very... pastel. Breezy, surface-level. Generic, but generic in the meaning both of 'wow this is like everything else' and of 'this has become a genre in itself and it is hitting those beats to perfection'.
I'm given to understand that there's a readership out there who are looking for these types of stories specifically -- like, it really doesn't matter who the characters are and what the fandom is, because we can sink into this fic as comfort food and enjoy it regardless. This is not at all at all at all how I read anything but hey, it'd be a funny ol' world if we were all alike, etc.
(*Note: it's not like darky darkerton angst and miseryguts sadness and anti-fluff are magically the only kind of fic that's allowed, either. You can have wildly distinct, characterful, delightful writing that's pure fluff romcom. But the distinction maybe lies in how you can tell the writer cares about these characters and this story rather than copy-pasting some details on top of the writing equivalent of a Starbucks iced latte. Lots of people love those! But they are all the same, even if the heart the barista drew on the cup was real cute, and I'm just... looking for something else.)
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tinyluvs · 6 months
Note
All you do is complain, leave if you want to leave.
i wasn’t gonna entertain this but i’m going to lol
i think i’m allowed to complain? on my own blog for a start!! but it’s genuinely upsetting when i sit up, lose sleep to try and fill out requests and get them posted and because of peoples refusal to reboot things go unnoticed?
genuinely put yourself in a creators shoes, there’s the writing, rewriting, deleting and completely starting over, proofreading, tagging, linking, etc to do and we finally are proud of it, post it and half the time the people that request it, don’t even rb it or even leave a little comment, it hurts ?!
if just a fraction of people rb’d peoples works we wouldn’t have to complain, liking it does not send it out to more people, liking it gives it another note, sure but reblogging (and tagging) are the only ways our stuff gets shared about to a bigger audience and yet, people still don’t do it
and i know for a fact if the people that didn’t rb, were creating any sort of art and trying to get people to see it and enjoy it, they would complain too
as for leaving, i genuinely might but atm i don’t want to because i do like writing, i enjoy it a lot but when you get little to no feedback, it makes you question what is the point in me keep doing it
psa!! if you DO comment on n rb my shit, i’m giving you a thousand forehead kisses, i love you, i appreciate you n i hope both sides of your pillow are cold !! mwah!
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scummy-writes · 1 month
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╰❧ About
Hello, please call me Scum! If that is too direct for you, you can call me Scummy as an alternative.
I am 28, I go by she/her pronouns, and I use this blog to post my fanfiction as well as my general fandom ramblings and such. I am primarily interested in Ikevamp and Ikepri, though I generally like other eng cybird games as well.
I am pretty explicit at times, and primarily write smut, so I do not want minors following me.
My main account is @strawberry-scum. I do not recommend following it, however if you want to properly block me, you need to block that account as well as this one.
─── •✧ Favorites
Isaac, Arthur, Theo, Comte, Gilbert, Clavis, Keith, Shingen, Mitsuhide, Kenshin, etc
─── •✧ Writing Info
✧ I am not a stickler for IC / OOC. I believe that since we're not official writers for these games, everything we write is OOC. I personally will try to stick to my belief of what I think IC for the character based on what I interpret from the game, but otherwise I just scroll by if I don't like how something is written.
✧ I enjoy gentle femdom, and so loose aspects of that (if the fanfic is not centered on that) will sometimes pop up
✧ I usually don't see any of the characters as strictly straight and so will ship suitors together at times, or have the suitors romantically interested in each other when writing polyships. I will also reblog trans hcs and such too if I enjoy them. If that bothers you please just leave me be.
✧ Due to liking Gilbert, I'm now able to have a character I feel like I can explore kinks and themes that I felt like I couldn't with Isaac. Unfortunately, Isaac is the outlier in my normal flavor of faves from before the cybirdie games.
(I will not write noncon)
✧ Always happy to answer qs about my fics or blog
✧ I have a lot of issues IRL and so it's hard for me to write often, and guilt associated with this is why I do not do requests often.
✧ I don't fuck with people who turn writing into a weird fight for popularity with each other, or who just write for notes/attention rather than the joys of creating. I prefer having healthier views on writing and fandom content as a whole!!!
─── •✧ Misc Info
✧ I am unsure of how others view me, but I am rather anxious and shy, so I often do not talk to people. Love to talk to others!! I do not mind (polite) asks and such.
✧ I can't figure out tone often with the use of anon, and in general I don't do well with 'overfamiliar rudeness' with people I do not know. So please no playfully rude messages on anon...
✧ I treat everyone as equally as possible. More specifically I do not believe there are '#1 fans' of charas, I don't think a follower count = fandom respect levels, etc etc.
✧ I've had this blog since 2017, and I've been writing for longer than that. I like being creative, even if I struggle a lot. I am lucky enough to have my writing in a physical zine, and that is gouda enough for me.
✧ I consider this a writing AND fandom blog, and that is why I will make posts about fandom, as well as the games I enjoy, beside my writing. Unfortunately I am more than just my writing, so my blog will reflect that!
✧ A lot of my interests outside of these games deal with horror and heavier themes, so this is primarily why I don't recommend following my main!! I rb horror fanart sometimes and have more personal posts on there.
✧ I used to create for My*me, but I no longer wish to participate with that fandom. If you ever have specific questions regarding my fanfics from that time, feel free to ask, but keep in mind I may not always want to answer.
─── •✧ Last Updated 02202023
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spinnydraws · 8 months
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Uwah, new introduction post, here we go!
.
🍬About me🍬:
Steven / Spin / Mackenzie / N / Doll (any name is fine to use, just don’t use the names I’ve removed /srs)
He / She / They
Minor
Just to be clear, I’m multi ship !!!!! :3
 I’m a blk self taught artist.
I’m trying to learn Spanish, Korean, and Japanese. But I mainly speak English.
MY SISTER IS @niniscookiecafe and you should follow her cuz she’s literally the best !!!
🫧About this blog🫧:
This blog is both for my art, reblogs and writings (fanfics, character desc etc) bc I don’t feel like making a separate blog for that.
This blog is SFW, but I do sometimes draw gore/body horror/nudity etc, but I’ll tags them with tws like “// body horror, // blood, //gore” etc. don’t be afraid to ask me to tag things! 
Ofc, I do tag spoilers for things I draw.
I don’t care ab ppl spam like/rebloging me lol, go wild.
PLEASE ask me about my ocs…/au…I beg..
My Tags!
#ShutitKenzie, #Kenziebabbles-my ramble tag!, #Kenziedraws-my art tag! #Kenziewrites- my fanfic tag! #Rb and inspo- inspo and reblog tag! #Kenzieanswers is my ask tag!, #ArtforKenzie is a fanart/fanwrite tag!
🌸About my art🌸:
 I use ibisPaintx for my digital drawings! And I will sometimes post traditional stuff.
I’m multifandom but it’s 9999% DR/UT, MURDER DRONES, ocs, and 1% other stuff
I don't do commissions, but I will accept art trades!! :o]
I do take requests but try to keep it in fandoms I know and am currently into!
I don’t care about others using my art/ocs/designs as heavy ref, or inspo, I’d greatly appreciate it if you’d credit me when doing so however! 
If you repost my work, please ask first and credit.
Tracing my art is okay for practice or study, if you do post it, all I ask for is credit!
Idc ab my work being used for PFPs, headers, boards, covers etc. all I rlly ask for is credit.
If you make fanart of my OCs/designs, or fanfics, don’t be afraid to tag me! I absolutely adore fanart!! 
🚫DNI🚫:
(What I say in my DNI is final, I will not debate about it so don’t start arguments with me, please!)
Racist, homophobic, transphobic etc. General dni criteria.
People who think “black washing” is real.
Ofc, ppl who whitewash.
If ur an nsfw acc (cuz I’m a minnnor!)
If ur a proshipper or an disrespectful/toxic “anti”. Like please, don’t interact with me /srs 
If u support any stated above.
Anyone I block, or mute. Please don’t try to evade or constantly ask questions on why I blocked u if I did. It’s not that big of a deal.) 
BC/Reese/Pandora’s curse supporters.
Please, DONT argue with me over ships, if I block you because you posted ship art I don’t condone, don’t like, or don’t feel comfortable seeing, don’t try and argue, please. I block ppl over certain ships for a reason. (Like Vanilliam, gregpearl, Charsriel etc this applies to any ships that I personally find uncomfy, ships that include lgbt erasure, toxic relations, incest (adopted or not it does not matter it's still gross as hell) Pedo ships etc, just wanna be clear.)
If you are just going to whine about my interpretation of a story (Like fnaf, or batim) than you can go, my artwork and interpretation is clearly not for you.
I block empty blogs! so if ur not a bot pls at least have a pfp or I will block u sobs
All I ask is that you be decent rlly.
enjoy your stay!
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petrichoraline · 8 months
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For the honest answer ask game: what's the history of your blog? (this really just includes how/when you began blogging on tumblr, content, your interactions and your special moments on here etc; whatever you wish to prioritize for the ask in context).
honest hour question answered 3 days later <3 truly hope the wait was worth it love hahah
as someone who's gone through my archive already, you know i started out as a bts fan account in 2015. (my previous blog is not gonna be discussed for the simple reason that it's barely relevant to this one)
i believe i used to tag and organise my reblogs? there was a time where i cared enough and i loved srolling through my own blog, i stopped enjoying that when i became more involved w/ fandom on here and things weren't aesthetics based anymore. i don't like going through it that much now. i used to play around with themes, search for them, tweak colours and fonts for hours. after i returned years later there was an issue with the editor so now i can't change my theme at all and it sucks cause i just want to edit a few things.
so it started of as a bts fanblog, then i started rb-ing other kpop stuff, maybe afterwards i started sharing gifsets from movies and series i liked? as for fandom, i had a good amount of mutuals - accidentally became one with a girl from my country, we went out once and it was very nice <3 procrastinated and lost track fo tag games back then too lmaoo i felt a lot of dissatisfaction over it so i try to do everything now with my current fandom :)
back then is when i started reading fanfiction - i believe my first imagine was a taegi one where v was an artist and yoongi a photographer lol i stumbled upon it on the dash randomly and i got introduced to ao3 a bit after
iirc for the following years after i'd stopped stanning bts, i used to come back either relatively often or once in a blue moon - in the beginning i was just enjoying wtv my dash was offering me or seeking out specific stuff, then i started using it as a tracklist of what shows i've watched haha, no tags, just rb after finishing a show.
i started engaging with fandom around the release of episode 5 of kinnporsche, i read a bunch of posts on here, then tms2 came around and i got even more into reading people's takes..at some point i started talking to people i guess hahah i don't even know when i started trying to put out content, so to say, i just know i was doing screenshot posts short before i found myself pushed to attempt gifs and that was after big dragon had just finished airing.
then i started my giffing journey. had support from @gillianthecat whom i loved giffing paulnice for. honestly that and the discussions we had were such an important part of me having fun with this site and keeping it up. and @joyladagang, my self-proclaimed #1 hype woman, made me feel super welcome. then i got even more moots, at some point i started reaching out or actively reciprocating others attempts at getting closer (though i had been active in discussions before that, i just mean i got a bit braver and started acting more familiar with everyone (esp w/ ppl i got closer to through @joyladagang like @cankersoregirl, @feralmuskyscentedhoepran, @loserlesbianongsa etc.)
i'm grateful to a lot of people on here, truly. it's not supposed to be a shoutout post so i won't be tagging any more people (esp since i would have to tag everyone who follows me plus a bunch of people i follow which..it's a bit much) but i'm genuinely thankful for each person that enjoys my rants, gifs, theories or wtv the things i post classify as, whether they found a post by accident or follow the blog. and i'm grateful to the creators i follow, and i'm happy to talk to so many sweet, smart and funny individuals on various topics daily.
so this is where my blog is at right now - trying to do a bit of everything and talking a bit with everyone. my issue, tbh, is i'm trying a bit too hard to satisfy everyone which sounds ridiculous but i am a bit of a people pleaser at times so it checks out lol
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rainbowsky · 10 months
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Hi Rbs, How is life?,
1)Which film is more successful for BoBo? "Born to fly" or "Hidden blade" based on box office collection ?Please mention nos if possible
2)Which film is more beneficial to bobo "Born to fly" or "Hidden blade" based on critical acclaim?
I think "one and only" will surpass the success of both the films because it will be more relatable to real life BoBo and it will attract lot of kids to theaters. That means many family audience = Huge box office success. What do you think?
Hi Anon... That feels like a trick question! 😅
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Much of Canada is currently on fire.
I'd say life is difficult and depressing, and it often feels like we're living in the End Times, but I'm getting by. I hope you're well! 😊
As for your questions about DD's films, sorry Anon, that's not something I really care much about or put much thought into. I don't get into the business of comparing projects, comparing numbers, etc. I don't really think it says anything important, and this kind of thing often leads to toxic thinking/fandom.
DD's films are all important, they're all helping to build his career. They're all giving him a chance to show his acting skills, helping to draw bigger audiences to his work, helping him to make connections with producers and directors and audiences.
I think One and Only is probably going to be a big hit, because it will show DD in his element and give people who already love him from SDOC, etc. a chance to enjoy seeing him on the big screen. A film like this will have a very broad appeal, much broader than Hidden Blade (which was long, dark and violent) and Born to Fly (which was nationalistic and militaristic). I think it has a chance to potentially do well internationally, too. But a lot will depend on the film itself and if it's actually well made and has a well-written story.
I think it's great if we can support his films and celebrate his successes, but I'd just caution fans not to get too invested in box office numbers. While they are important to some degree, they aren't the the most important factor of his failure or success. They are one factor among many.
Rankings, ratings, numbers, etc. are one of the core aspects of toxic fan culture. This warlike, competitive culture that leads to comparisons, rivalries and vendettas - it's not something I want to feed and I hope other fans will have the sense not to feed it either.
And let's not forget that it's a knife that can cut both ways. If DD's numbers do anything less than what fans expect, it can turn against him and be used as anti material. So I'd caution people about hyping these things up too much.
Just enjoy DD, enjoy his films, support him and his films, and the rest will fall into place over time. He's on a path, and the road is long.
And if you do still want to dig into the numbers, Anon, that's your choice as well, but it's not something I can help with. Sorry!
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fmab · 5 months
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This is unapologetically nosy but I am interested in your feelings on tma if you'd be willing to share. I'm not a fan of it but it is something I know I want to get into "sooner or later". So many people sing it's praises but I'd really appreciate another perspective before I put time into it.
No worries if you don't want to, I can see plenty of reasons why you wouldn't.
nah i dont mind you asking, its okay. the following is entirely my opinion take it with a grain of salt because its been years since i have listened but these are my personal thoughts.
To open, i will be honest, a huge portion of my distaste for it is entirely personal reasons. I have a lot of associations between it and someone i had a complicated long term relationship that is no longer in my life, plus weird interactions with other fans, and the tma server i used to run that slowed to a crawl after a while. it was also just a really weird time in my life as i was recovering from a prolonged psychotic break. I was very on edge and paranoid, and the fandom was in general filled with freaks. Another personally annoying thing was you know how it goes when something you were into gets massively popular and suddenly your fave characters are getting mischaracterized left and right.
In terms of the actual content of the show: I enjoyed the first 2 seasons a lot more than the later ones. Especially seasons 4 and 5, the style kind of changed and I felt like the show lost its magic for me as the more was revealed, and the less mystery there was. You know how in horror, the more that is left to the imagination, the more horrifying and scary it is just because your brain fills in the blanks? Well. Without being able to speculate as much it just became more uninteresting to me. I also just. was uninterested in/didnt enjoy a variety of the characters (bg characters we got barely any info abt, cops, one time appearance characters, etc) + the fanon portrayals of them never did anything for me either. Examining the show thru a critical lens reveals a lot of weird racism and other weird shit and just... man. It leaves a very sour taste in my mouth. To me it almost feels like the more traction it got the more the writing changed to kind of. give people what they wanted to see? as opposed to what the earlier show was giving? Idk don't quote me on that it has literally been like. YEARS since I listened. A big reason why the show exploded was bc it had lgbt rep, and I remember enjoying j0nm/artin for a time but in retrospect it just isn't a relationship that feels very compelling or interesting to me anymore.
tldr I am just filled with spite and distaste and as much as I still feel fondly abt a few characters and enjoy the early show, it just. fell off so severely and i have no capacity to enjoy it anymore. and its just annoying when people go through to mass like/rb that content when i dont even like it anymore and will never post shit for it again
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altschmerzes · 5 months
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not to overthink poetry on main (on anon in ur inbox) but i think the dark in november line you rbed and im going to minnesota were sadness makes sense are both just like. oh! im allowed to feel negative things and not be On 100% of the time. the cold allows that the darkness allows that the world gives these feelings a home etc etc. the world allows me to not feel as though im wasting time by not doggedly trying to make the most of every single moment i am on it by reserving this time and space for the “lesser” parts of life that aren’t lesser but are quite beautiful for the mere fact that they are human, actually. etc etc. ‘im going to minnesota’ much more overtly than november but. yea. Yeah. or maybe im just overthinking it idk but you opened my eyes to a little common thread with that rb there so thank you! i also just generally think the little poem lines you rb are always very good and very nice and i loooove seeing them okay that’s all bye
no i think you're very onto something here, it's part of the reason i like the cold and the dark of winter so much honestly. like. yeah. it's a kind of hibernation, to give yourself rest from needing to be On, from needing to be like. bright and present and Seen. people are so much more understanding about 'i just don't feel up to it' in the winter, i feel. summer makes me feel agitated and exposed a lot of the time. i'm going back to minnesota where sadness makes sense. night grows in november. you're the only warm thing for miles and the only thing that can't shine. we can quiet down in november. etc.
i'm so glad you enjoy the clips and bits of poetry i collect here like a raven dropping bottle caps and bits of tinsel into my nest bc that's exactly what i'm doing here sldfjs it makes some part of my brain light up and i slam the reblog immediately
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