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heartofspells · 2 years

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Even if Sirius was probably a bit cruel to Peter and lacked patience at times, he still spent time with him during school and trusted Peter enough to put James, Lily, and Harry’s life in Peter’s hands. James was his best friend, Sirius went to James’s house when he left home, Sirius was godfather to James’s son, James was one of Sirius’s favorite people and vice versa; and Sirius trusted Peter so much that he put the lives of three people Sirius loved enough to die for in Peter’s hands. Sirius knew the Death Eaters would be gunning for him to get to the Potters, Sirius knew he’d become a major target the second that prophecy was made and James and Lily had to go into hiding, and he trusted Peter enough to go “I am willing to be bait, to let myself be tortured and likely brutally murdered, so you can keep them alive. If I go missing or get captured, you’ll know Voldemort is zeroing in, I can buy all of you time with my life.” Sirius was willing to die in order to ensure his friends would live, and he trusted Peter to keep the Potters safe; we know Sirius distrusted Remus by this point, but he trusted Peter to keep James alive, and he trusted Peter enough that Sirius was willing to die so that Peter could keep James alive after his death. Even if it’s mostly because Sirius thought it was a great bluff, Sirius still was willing to die and leave the Potters’ lives in Peter’s hands so there was a great deal of trust in Peter

Every time I think about this, it honestly just wrecks me. Sirius was such a loyal friend. He loved his found family so much, and that was clear in every single one of his actions and words. Even once they were mostly gone, he still loved them so fiercely and did everything possible to uphold his promises, no matter how much he was constantly thwarted at every turn.

Sirius' entire story from start to finish is just heartbreaking, and a large piece of that rests solely on Peter. Of course he trusted Peter. He was one of Sirius' best friends, regardless of how he might have viewed his mind or work ethic at times, or whatever judgements Sirius might have found in the other. As far as we know, Peter was there from the beginning. He slept in the bed next to the others. He traversed the castle with them, aided them in making the map (you can't tell me they didn't make use of Wormtail for that). HE BECAME AN ANIMAGUS WITH THEM. If they didn't like or trust him, why would they have ever included him in something so great and illegal?

Sirius and James and Remus trusted Peter enough to not only tell him of their plans, but had enough faith in his ability to master the transformation at all. That's a nightmarish process from what we've learned, especially for teenagers with no help. Remus trusted Peter to keep his secret, and as far as we know, he did. He never betrayed that, which also leads me to believe that he valued Remus more than the other two in some ways.

And as you said, there's no way such a massive thing like protecting the lives of three people would have been put in his hands if he wasn't inherently important to them. James wouldn't have entrusted the lives of his wife and son to him, and Sirius certainly wouldn't have handed them over so easily, come up with the idea himself, if he'd had even the slightest hint of uncertainty. James, Lily, and Harry were everything to him. They were his life. He loved them with everything he had, and he purposefully gave them to Peter to protect them as much as he possibly could because he was willing to sacrifice himself to keep them breathing.

Peter's betrayal, whatever the reasoning behind it, must have permanently knocked the air from Sirius' lungs. I can't even imagine the thoughts in his head, the shattering blame he must have felt when he understood what had happened. Everything that had ever meant something to him had been ripped away. He lost his real family for whatever reasons you want to believe. He lost his brother. He lost Remus to distrust. And then he lost the only things he had left, James and Lily dead, Hagrid refusing to give him Harry.

At the end of it all, he only had Peter. And as he stood there in front of that destroyed cottage while Hagrid flew away with Harry on his own bike, as it all settled over him, that realization of everything that had turned so wrong as none of them noticed, the knowledge that he'd made that fatal mistake himself, Sirius lost that one last tie holding everything together.

He trusted Peter to keep them safe. James had trusted them both, and now he was dead. The devastation and rage of that weight must have been unbearable for Sirius.

#another topic i could write sweeping towering essays about #sirius black #peter pettigrew #the potters #marauders #first war #secret keeper #betrayal #faulty trust #sirius my poor baby #there are numerous heartbreaking things about hp but i think this will always be the worst for me #anon asks #ask #answer #lovely anons

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saibh29 · 4 years

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Flirting with Danger (1/2)

Pairing: Antonio Dawson x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, think that’s it...

AN: Sorry it’s been such a long time since any sort of update from me, life has a way of getting out from underneath me sometimes. Hopefully I’ll have a few fics lined up for the coming weeks. Love to everyone and hope everyone is safe. xx

Could you please do an Antonio Dawson x halstead!reader where they both like each other but Antonio won’t do anything because it’s Jays sister. And he sees her talking to someone at Mollys and gets jealous? Thanks x

******

You didn’t choose to spend all that much time at the station if you could help it. Spending time at the station meant having to be around Jay and you had enough of that at home.

It hadn’t exactly been in your life plan to end up nearing 30, with a temp job and crashing in your older brother’s spare room on his pull-out futon. Apparently though life didn’t always go the way you wanted it to and when your previous relationship had ended badly, you’d moved back to the city of you birth and to the one place you’d always be safe, with your brothers.

On top of your dislike of spending more time with an overly protective Jay there was also the fact that the station had…him. He would be there as well and being around him was almost more painful than listening to Jay nag at you some more.

Sometimes though, it was unavoidable, like this morning, when your brother rang you in a hungover panic as when he’d dragged himself to work this morning he’d also managed to forget to take his badge with him.

You weren’t exactly operating on all cylinders either as you grabbed his badge and your bag, rooting around on the kitchen counter for your car keys. The remnants of yours and Jay’s previous evening was still covering the coffee table it included a nearly drained bottle of whiskey, an empty pizza box and a stack of beer bottles. Will had been there as well and the 3 of you had gotten lost in childhood stories and overly embarrassing memories.

You winced as you pushed open the door of the apartment block cursing the sun which had suddenly decided to make an appearance after weeks of rain and clouds. You rooted around in your bag for your sunglasses and shoved them onto your face, fumbling with the lock on your car door which insisted on sticking and dumping your stuff on the passenger seat.

You got the station without any incidents, found a parking space and even managed to get your car locked again without any issues. You left the sunglasses on as you went into the station, it was still fairly bright even in here. Too bright for your sensitive head anyway.

Waving a hand at the desk constable who greeted you, you made your way into the back and up to the right floor.

You found Jay slumped over his desk, arms over his head and muttering under his breath about something to quiet for you to hear.

“Jay” you got no response. “Jay” you tried again a little louder, pushing at his arm.

He raised his head, blurry eyes focusing on you stood in front of his desk. You dangled his badge in front of his face between you thumb and forefinger.

“That mine?”

“Well it isn’t mine, is it?” you dropped it down in front of him before slumping into the chair in front of him. “You owe me big time for this. I’d scheduled this time specifically for sleeping”

“How much did I drink last night?” Jay asked ignoring your moaning and letting his head drop back down to the desk.

“A bottle”

“1 beer would not do this”

“Not beer” he raised his head once more. “Whiskey”

“Fuck…”

That was an understatement. You couldn’t shot more than one or two whiskeys without passing out. Of the debris left back in the apartment most of your mess was the beer bottles. It had been Will and Jay who were enjoying the whiskey.

“HALSTEAD?”

Jay groaned again, but he did drag himself up, when Voight shouted you hauled ass, even if you were riddled with bullet holes. A hangover wouldn’t rank high up on Voight’s list of excuses.

Voight appeared by the desk, eyes flicking between the two Halstead siblings. “Big night?” he directed that to Jay before switching to you. “Y/N, you alright darling?”

His permanently husky voice was actually incredibly soothing to your hungover hearing. “I'm good. He forgot…” Jay’s foot lashed out under his desk connecting with your ankle. You jumped but managed to change your words “he forgot his keys”

Voight obviously didn’t believe the two of you but he let it go, instead reeling off a list of instructions for Jay to follow up numerous cases. The list sounded long and like a punishment even to you, apparently you dropping him in it for forgetting his badge or not Jay was still on Voight’s shit list today.

With one more nod of his head at you he left you both alone again.

“He isn’t happy”

Jay’s eyes narrowed at you, “spilling that I forgot my badge probably didn’t help”

“I didn’t…”

“He knew” Jay interrupted you, eyes flicking towards where his boss had gone. “he always knows”

You weren’t going to argue with Jay, there was very little point to trying, that much you knew from growing up together. Stubborn didn’t even begin to cover it. Instead you made sympathetic noises as your brother gathered up his things and made for the exit.

You waved away his offer of a ride, after all your car had managed to get you here it could get you back as well. Probably.

You were congratulating yourself on getting cleanly in and out of the station without bumping into anyone else when a shiver climbed down your spine moments before a male voice sounded way too close for you to ignore it.

“Y/N?”

Turning slowly, you found Antonio Dawson a few steps behind you. Leather jacket draped over one arm and a small smile on his face. Fuck. Why did he have to look like that? In fact, why was he even there?

“Toni” you held up your car keys “sorry, just leaving”

Of course, your car door chose this moment to once again stick solidly and no matter how much you wrenched at the keys you couldn’t get the lock to turn.

Double Fuck.

“here” Antonio had come up beside you and reaching out covered your hand with his own dropping his jacket over the roof of the car. Moving your fingers away as he took over with your temperamental car.

It put his body very close to your own, enough that you could smell the slightly woody fragrance of his aftershave.

With a final jerk you heard the lock of the door finally click and with a victorious smile he turned to face you, apparently from the look on his own face it was right at that exact moment that he realised just how close he was to you as well.

“Y/N…” he trailed off, reaching up to lift your sunglasses up so he could see your eyes. In his own you could see every emotion that only weeks before he’d been denying existed. That only weeks before he’d insisted could never happen with one of his friend’s sisters.

You were the one who broke his gaze, dropping your head to stare at the floor. “thanks” you muttered reaching for the door handle and pulling open the door, in doing so it pushed Antonio away from you.

“Wait” he grabbed your upper arm as you passed him, stopping you sliding into the car. “just wait” he took a step closer so the side of your body was pressed against his chest.

“Don’t” you were digging the nails of one hand into your palm, trying to remind yourself that following this path would only lead to even more heartbreak. You’d had enough of that for a lifetime. “We’ve had this conversation before Toni, so just don’t”

Antonio leant down, his nose brushing your hair as he breathed in the lavender of your shampoo. Nothing had changed since that conversation a few weeks ago, his reasons for not getting closer to you, for not acting on the feelings between the pair of you hadn’t changed. He couldn’t seem to help himself though, couldn’t stop the almost magnetic force between the two of you.

“Let me go… Please”

He did, he wouldn’t ever hold you against your will, it just wasn’t the sort of man he was.

Instead he took a step back and watched as you got back into the car and after only a brief hesitation left him stood in the car park of the station wondering in many regards if his principles were in fact not worth the trouble.

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