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#there are SO many fucked up deer in video games but i stuck to two that i could find good official concept art for
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1. Train to Busan (2016) dir. Yeon Sang-ho 2. The 100 1x01 - “Pilot” (2014) dir. Bharat Nalluri 3. Manifest Destiny #5 (2014) written by Chris Dingess, art by Matthew Roberts & Owen Gieni / 4. The Low, Low Woods #1 (2020) written by Carmen Maria Machado, art by Dani 5. Hannibal 1x05 - “Coquilles” (2013) dir. Guillermo Navarro 6. Annihilation (2018) dir. Alex Garland 7. Princess Mononoke (1997) dir. Hayao Miyazaki 8. The Ritual (2017) dir. David Bruckner 9. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt illustration by Marek Madej / 10. Fallout 4 concept art by Ray Lederer 11. Hannibal 3x02 - “Primavera” (2015) dir. Vincenzo Natali 12. Get Out (2017) dir. Jordan Peele [Deleted Scene]
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chemicalpink · 3 years
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Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader
Words: 4.7k
Genre: smut, angst, fluff if you squint really hard, childhood friends to lovers AU
Warnings: unprotected sex, bathroom sex, infidelity, JK is a heartthrob that is bad at feelings, YN realises she’s been in love with JK all along.
A/N: this is me trying to write longer fics, I liked how this one came out yayyy. This goes out to the @thebtswritersclub​ monthly prompt _____ to lovers, in this case it’s childhood friends to lovers. I just- I really liked how it came out, I’m so excited to know what you guys think of it.
Summary: Falling in love is such a curious thing in life, Jungkook would know best, after pinning over you for years on end, only to have his best friend take away his opportunity, or does he?
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The sun was shining brightly over the park as you made your way down the slide, hot skin scorching at the contact with the yellow plastic, although you couldn’t bring yourself to care as much as your mother would, meeting Sungho at the end of it, who was covering his eyes as best as his arms would allow him to do, summer was almost coming to an end and you two had decided to spend every single second of it together, much to both of your mothers’ dismay who had long decided to take turns to tire both of you out by the neighbourhood park, nothing too exciting, if it weren’t for your young imaginative minds combined, which turned you into the closest a six year old could get to being a menace.
As you smiled brightly at your friend, you couldn’t help but turn your head towards an almost inaudible whimper coming from the shaded side of the park, finding a kid around your age plopped down by the tree, desperately drying his eyes with the back of his hand, small sobs coming out of his lips as three other kids, which you knew to be a little older than you and quite disrespectful at that, kept laughing at the boy, so really, what else were you supposed to do if not come in to save the day. “Come on Y/N they’ll make fun of us too” Sungho said as he tried to tug you away, only to have you stand your ground firmly
“If they make fun of me, I won’t cry” you crossed your arms stubbornly over your chest
“Y/N let’s just go”
“You go, Sungho” Sungho was always the type of kid that your mother kept reminding you to be more like, always righteous, never picking fights like you were known to do, but you really couldn’t stand watching the mysterious kid crying by himself while no one else did anything in the slightest. So you stood between him and the three kids that were still making fun of him, head high, fists up by your sides in a superhero pose “You shouldn’t make fun of others”
“Why don’t we make fun of both of you then, Y/N?”
“At least I can put my shirt shirt when I’m dressing myself, Areum” the girl looked down for half a second before staring you down, full of rage before huffing and turning around in true mean girl fashion.
You turn back to find a pair of bambi eyes staring at you, sobs silenced, although his chest still showed him trying to fully catch his breath. You extend your hand for him to take it so that he could stand up “I’m Y/N what’s your name?”
“I’m Jungkook” you were quick to grab his arm and pull him to where Sungho had watched the whole scene with Areum, now staring at the way you dragged the slightly shorter boy towards him
“Well Jungkook, this is Sungho and I just decided that all of us three are going to be best friends forever” the small boy smiled at that, bunny teeth showing in the process, eyes sparkly with wonder and pure appreciation, contrasting the look on Sungho’s face.
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“Y/N I think you need to have girl friends to have these sleepovers with, Jungkook and I are boys” Sungho says as soon as you pass him the mirror and he is left staring at his reflection with a ton of glitter eyeshadow on his face, you turn to look at Jungkook, who is currently sprawled out playing with his nintendo, a set of pigtails adoring his head along with the hottest pink lipstick you could find
“I don’t mind it” he stuffed his mouth with chips as he continued to play on his console, not sparing any of you a look, although you smiled at him fondly, grateful to have him play along whenever Sungho didn’t feel like it, which seemed to be more and more as all of you grew older.
“Well I’m going to take this off” he said as he ran into the bathroom to wash his face. Good luck trying to get rid of glitter.
You huffed out a sigh at how boring it was getting if Sungho didn’t like to play your games, along with Jungkook being stuck inside his own little world. “This is so boriiiing”
“It was your idea Y/N”
“Yeah but you guys are no fun”
Jungkook pauses his game to turn to look at you “We can watch a movie if you’d like”
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If someone were to tell 6 year old you that twelve years later, the kid that used to make fun of you would turn into your best friend, you would have probably laughed in their face, although as years went by, Areum had finally gotten better in terms of personality, up to the point where she had a full on talk with you before you decided to give it a try, even more so as she now took it as her job to protect you in high school, seeing as she was a year older than you.
“Jungkook has changed” the brunette said while taking a seat next to you inside the cozy smoothie shop, crumpling up her receipt inside her bag distractedly as you just stared at her, not knowing what had prompted her to talk about your best friend, Jungkook wasn’t exactly what one would consider popular, especially amongst the higher grades, especially not given the bickering grudge he held against Areum after all those years.
“What do you mean?”
“Just- seems like before summer he was this scrawny little thing, deer eyes, soft smiles” you looked at her intently, Jungkook had gone on vacation with his family for weeks as soon as finals were over, leaving with the promise of hanging out for the few days before school started again, similar to how you were now hanging out with Areum, her having arrived back a few hours before Jungkook “Now- well”
There were a million thoughts running inside your mind, some seemingly more plausible than others, tow hich yopu found yourself asking “Areum, did you fuck Jungkook?”
“I mean- we were both staying at the same hotel Y/N” Areum sipped on heir smoothie as a way to act coy about it, wide eyes turned the other way at the prospect of having said out loud that her latest conquest was none other than little Jungkook, the guy she had always made fun of for one or another reason
“Oh god you slept with Jungkookie” and you really tried to picture her, accepted into college, beautiful Areum, long lean legs, model faced Areum, flirt queen that always seemed to go for older guys Areum, paired up with sweet Jungkookie, sure, your best friend was cute, handsome even, there was no denying it, he was just not- Areum level handsome, Areum liked going out to party, let men shower her in drinks while Jungkook absolutely loved staying home battling Sungho in the newest video game that was around “I-I have no words”
“Y/N- Y/N don’t judge until you’ve tapped it” your friend seemed to space out for a second, as if looking back at her time with Jungkook, dreamily. “The guy got buff”
And sure he did, not only did Jungkook was now full of muscle, he also apparently had renewed his wardrobe, bought a motorcycle and apparently had even grown a few centimeters taller, or at least that much was said by Sungho as you three met up for lunch the day before classes started again, trying to catch up as you did every year when the three of you didn’t get a chance to hang out much.
“So are we getting that newly released game Kook?” Sungho mentioned in what appeared to be the background, your eyes completely fixated on whomever the man sitting in front of you was, definitely not your best friend Jungkook.
“Nah dude, I sold all my consoles and games to buy my bike” your eyes widened at the confession, probably mirroring the uttermost shocked look that Sunho was also sporting. Jeon Jungkook selling his videogames was definitely a sign of the apocalypse. You were about to make a comment before you heard a very familiar voice behind you, making you turn your head towards it.
“Jungkookie, you wanted me to come over?” her eyes had that sparkle in them which you have come to recognise as her being infatuated by someone, even if she didn’t really talked about it openly, you turned towards Jungkook in disbelief
“Yeah, Areum, lose my number”
You consciously close your mouth at the exchange as Areum backed away from the table muttering an ‘oh..okay’ as Jungkook smiled daily at her, your eyes lock in surprise with Sungho’s, both of you silently agreeing that this Jungkook was certainly a new side neither of you could yet guess whether or not you would continue to be able to befriend, although the history between the three of you spoke volumes.
And just like that, enough to get whiplash from it, Jungkook’s lazy uninterested eyes were replaced by the squinty smile you had learned to adore over the years, bunny teeth showing as his laugh resonated in the restaurant “Oh god you guys should have seen your faces!”
Your eyes travelled along the expanse of the space you three were in, looking at Sungho for a clue to pick up about what was happening, coming up empty handed as he spoke first “Dude I almost had a heart attack, I thought you had sold your games!”
“Oh no that I did” Jungkook took a sip out of his drink calmly
You tried not to show how nothing made sense in your mind “And that thing with...Areum?”
He placed his cup down, looking at you with wide eyes humming softly “Yeah that was a thing too, she’s been texting me non stop after we hooked up. I’m just glad I’m back with you guys”
So Jungkook had changed, that much was true, just not as much as he let people believe. Sure enough, the guy was now pure muscle, rode a bike everywhere, and made it his lifeplan to conquer as many girls as his schedule allowed him too; he also made a few other friends outside of your friends' circle, enough for rumours to go around about him being involved in shady business, or him hooking up with somebody’s mum. Either way, if you were to turn a blind eye to his social persona, Jungkook was still your and Sungho’s little Jungkookie, bambi wide eyes that teared up whenever it was movie night and you picked some chick flick, bunny teeth and loud giggles as he played a prank on Sungho, even though you could tell his heart just wasn’t in it as it was before.
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“I’m gonna ask Y/N out” Sungho has asked Jungkook to meet him outside of campus on the first weeks of college as all three of you decided to attend together, uninterested on whatever it was that he was about to tell him, but trying to keep up his fractured friendship with the man (and you) he had shown up, even so a little fashionably late to make his point clear.
“And you’re telling me this because..”
“I don’t want to make it awkward, Jeon” Jungkook scoffs before rolling his eyes at Sungho “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you little boy crush on her for years”
“What I think you haven’t noticed is that I don’t do feelings” Jungkook retorts as he approaches him “And although I find Y/N to be quite fuckable if you ask me, I appreciate her enough not to put her in a weird place like you’re about to do, asshole”
Once weeks rolled around, things kept on being as the were after that fateful summer where Jungkook completely reinvented himself, even as semesters came and went, Jungkook grew a bit more separate from both Sungho and yourself, although it became a little harder to discern whether it was because of Jungkook or due to the fact that Sungho and you had started dating during the first semester of college. Sungho had no real answer to give you when asked about it, saying that outside of the scheduled movie night you three kept on sharing, he barely even texted Jungkook on his own.
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“I heard your girl is getting married” his friend said as he handed him an opened beer, taking his place back against his bike in the middle of the night after some race they had gone to near the outskirts of Seoul.
Jungkook took a swing out of the bottle, squinting at the questionable choice in alcohol “I don’t have a girl Jihoon”
“Oh? Then what’s Y/N?'' he felt the blood draining from his face, heart heavy, breath hitching inside his throat as soon as your name left his lips. Of fucking course Sungho would try to marry you before you graduated. That bastard.
It was quite funny really, Jungkook knew from the very start, back when all three of you had 6 years old and you had saved him from a set of mean kids in the park, that Sungho was never fond of him, or rather, of the relationship you had developed with him, sure, the two men had bonded over a few shared interests as they grew up, but the only thing that kept them together was you. Sometimes Jungkook guesses it could have been him instead of Sungho, asking you out, sharing nights together, even being about to get married. But those thoughts were only wishful thinking, he had long ago decided that you deserved so much more than what he could give you, what with his eternal fear and inability to give himself up to others. So he had let you go, never thinking about the possibility of Sungho taking a place he wasn't worthy of either.
"Good for her"
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It wasn't long after learning that you were engaged, that the invitation arrived to his apartment, just a few days after graduation. It wasn't really a surprise anymore, even back when he first heard the news, it wasn't that surprising, he guessed it was the years of knowing both you and Sungho, learning your patterns, that he had somehow seen it coming. It didn't make it any less hard to wish you weren't about to walk down the aisle to a man that wasn't him though. But he kept repeating to himself to stop being selfish, he had lost his chance, not that he ever had one to begin with, but as long as you were happy, he would be too.
And you really did seem happy, so he was willing to just ignore the way that his chest seemed to constrict every time your eyes locked on his from across the room as the rehearsal dinner, you were sporting a gorgeous emerald dress, the same colour as when you two first met eighteen years back, his mind spinning with impossible scenarios as each minute that passed really just turned out to be a minute closer to watch you walk down the aisle to another man, one that was supposed to be his best friend at that.
“Bride’s or groom’s” A sweet female voice called him as he sipped on his fifth? sixth? champagne flute, finding a woman staring at him with what he has come to recognise as lust.
“Eh.. you could say both”
A glimpse of recognition could be seen in her eyes before she spoke again “You must be Jungkook then, the overseeked bachelor”
“In the flesh” He smirked at her as she took a hold of his hand, guiding him upstairs to where you and your soon to be husband had booked bridesmaids and groomsmen alike for the night. Not that the blonde had anything to do with how utterly horrible he was feeling about the whole wedding situation but perhaps fucking his frustrations out would help just a little.
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Jeon Jungkook was never the one to stick around until morning, that much was true, and although he might be known for a varying of unspeakable things, nothing could have prepared him for what he had to witness at ungodly hours.
He picked up the rest of his clothing after half dressing himself, not even sparing a second glance at the woman that was laying on her bed peacefully, careful not to make more sounds than the inherently necessary, his curiosity is peaked as he hears faintly moaning and skin slapping skin coming from the room next door, seeing the door barely open, and against his better judgement he peeks inside only to feel his heart pounding against his chest, blood rushing inside his ears as he can’t seem to look away from the image presented to him. Sungho, your soon to be husband, the one that he used to consider his best friend for years on end, the oh so righteous Sungho, ever morally correct Sungho, bending your other so-called best friend and maid of honour, Areum, over the comforter as he fucked into her. A few hours before he got married to you. After everything that he had put him through, making him believe that it was in your best interest top let you go, that he should have handed you over to him, that he was the best option out of the two of you to build a life with.
Jungkook sees red and doesn’t quite remember anything other than Areum running out of the room as he punches Sungho in the face, receiving some punches back.
“You absolutely disgust me”
The bastard has the guts to laugh at him “You know, Jeon” he goes to inspect his face in the mirror “If you burst Y/N’s bubble, you’ll forever be remembered as the stupid little boy that was jealous enough on her wedding day to ruin her life”
Jungkook clenches his fists by his side before deciding to turn his heels and leave the room, vision still blurry in anger, breathing ragged, a small trickle of blood making its way down from his eyebrow as he almost automatically walked himself to the other side of the hostel where he knew you must have been resting, taking a few too many second to decide to knock on the door.
“Jungkook? What are you- oh god” sleep seems to leave you as soon as your eyes lock on his beat up face, him smiling at you in a futile attempt to have you not worry that much about his well being, but of course you were already searching for a first aid kit as he took a seat on your bed “Jungkookie, what happened?”
And perhaps he didn’t think it through that much, but he couldn’t let you walk yourself into a marriage blinded by the persona Sungho had always made you believe he was. “Y/N” he took your hands in his, stopping you from rubbing any more antiseptic into his cut “You’ll hear,a nd probably have already heard, too much shit about me”
His eyes beg you to stare at him intently, and although the whole scenario had you giggling out of nervousness, it soon died down “Kook, what are you talking about?”
“Y/N- Sungho is not the man he’s made us think he is” your eyes scan his face for any more clues on what he’s saying a syou feel a beeping sound closing in on your ears, overwhelmed by the situation “And he’ll probably say this is me just being a jealous asshole after being in love with you for more than half of my living years but-”
You stare at him in horror as your hands remove themselves from his hold as if he was burning, standing up from where you were seated next to him, feeling your whole world being crushed down a few hours before what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life “No” you take a step back as you hold your chest, feeling hot tears welling up in your eyes “Jungkook please don’t do this shit to me”
“Y/N just- don’t marry Sungho” somehow he had willed his voice to remain calm
Your head shook fervently at him, as if somehow the action would make him retreat his words “Sungho loves me, Jungkook”
His eyes were ice cold at your words “He loves you enough to fuck Areum a few hours before making you his wife”
He really didn’t mean the bite on his words as he said them, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with that asshole you called finacé, so he could completely understand when through your tears, chest heavy with rage and head spinning you asked “Please leave”
And he did.
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Everything seemed like a fever dream. The words that Jungkook had said, the implication that it had. And really, if it weren’t for the fact that Jungkook was gone from the whole ordeal, you could have sworn your life that it was nothing other than a nightmare, Areum was as bubbly as ever, helping you get ready. Sungho’s good morning text still found its way into your inbox. Jungkook had not only accused you fiancé of cheating, but had said he had always been in love with you, no further proof to his words, so you decided to go as planned, yet you found yourself hyper aware of every move Sungho made, especially when they involved Areum.
You stood in your pristine white dress in front of a couple dozens of guests as traditional words were spoken, your mind a thousand miles away as you kept on looking towards the door, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they would open up, Jungkook would show up and stop you from making what could potentially be the worst mistake of your life.
"If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace." your eyes trail to the soor, yearning to hear Jungkook’s voice amidst the otherwise silent chapel, but it never came.
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“Hey, Y/N come dance with us,” one of your bridesmaids say as the night progresses after dinner, some loud beat taking over the venue at the reception, making everyone stand up to dance, including your now-husband as you find yourself sulking sitting on your designated table.
“I’m fine, you go” you try to flash her the biggest smile you can as she goes, leaving you once again with your thoughts. Thoughts that mainly involved Jungkook, figuring that after all these years, life had managed to finally separate you, heart yearning to have him close to you, the more you became aware of your current life path, the more you realised what a humongous mistake you had made. You had always thought that marrying Sungho would give you a sense of utter happiness, of fulfillment, whether what Jungkook said was true or not, as you watched your husband having the time of his life without you. If he were Jungkook, he would be seated right by your side.
Jeon Jungkook, as deviated as he appeared to be to everyone, as much as he slept around, he had demonstrated to be the most loyal human being by your side up until the last second of your friendship, unlike Sungho, he had always been interested in what you wanted to do, had always let your voice be heard, had helped you through rough times when Sungho was nowhere to be seen, perhaps you had chosen the wrong best friend to fall in love with a few years ago, the wrong man in your life to marry. It had been Jungkook all along. It could have been Jungkook all along.
Your eyes fixate on the way that Sungho whispers something on Areum’s ear and you feel your blood boil, more out of self-pity and annoyance at letting such a man manipulate you rather than jealousy as you stand up to make your way to the bathroom, in hopes of freshening up before coming up with a plan to fix this mistake.
You sigh as you hold yourself up by the sink, looking at yourself in the mirror, pondering just how deep you’ll have to dig to come out of the mess when you hear an all too familiar deep chuckle behind you “So you realised”
You turn your back to the mirror to face Jungkook “That Sungho was an asshole or that I’m in love with you?”
His eyes turn into those deeply surprised deer shape you remember from when he was younger for a split second before they’re filled with something else between lust and deep appreciation as he backs you up further against the sink, a tattooed hand coming up to your chin “Does that mean I get to kiss you with no regrets now?”
“Would you kiss a married woman, Jungkook?” you ask playfully, matching the brattiness in his tone
“Only the ones whose husbands are assholes” and so his lips capture yours in a sweet quick kiss that has you wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning in once again, escalating from a very much due kiss filled with words that are unable to be said, into a fiery pit in the low of your stomach at the prospect of kissing Jungkook while still being in your wedding dress, just a few hours married and kissing another man.
Jungkook’s hands have abandoned their place on your figure in favour of trying to undo the little buttons on the back of your dress, breaking the kiss to complain “God just how many buttons does this dress have?”
Soon enough your dress lays forgotten on the floor, matching lingerie covering your body as Jungkook has most of your body up against the mirror, panties aside in favour of having him fingering you, arms almost failing to keep you upright as he mouths at your skin, moans escaping your lips regularly as he pumps and curls his fingers inside you, lewd noises taking reverbating on the small bathroom’s walls, a faint trail of bass coming in from the party “God you’re so perfect Y/N” he grunted as you heard his zipper coming down before feeling the tip of his cock teasing your entrance, his hand coming up to grip your hair making you face the mirror, makeup completely wrecked, the sight almost unrecognisable to you, a slight burning but pleasurable sensation on your scalp “I bet that bastard Sungho wouldn’t be able to wreck you like this” without further notice entering you from behind, your walls clenching against him as you felt him slowly but firmly making his way in and out of you at a building rapidly pace, a moan slipping past your lips and Jungkook shushing you in exchange as he increases his speed and you bit your lip to forbid any noises from coming out, afraid of being heard even when you knew it would be almost impossible to do so over the loud party noises, this bathroom being so far away from it.
Jungkook had placed your right leg up the sink, hitting an even deeper spot that had you building your orgasm at an incredible speed, throwing your head back in pleasure, feeling him completely inside you as heat pooled in your lower belly.
“K-Kook I’m gonna-ah! I’m gonna cum” a few flicks on your clit with his expert fingers as he helped you keep yourself upright did the trick as Jungkook made sure to somehow thrust even deeper, a loud moan scaping you as he spilled his warm seed inside you, quickly adjusting back his boxers and trousers as one of his fingers collected some cum that was dripping down your thigh to push it back in, letting go of you to hold yourself up against the sink, pulling your panties back in place.
“Think that counts as a wedding gift?” he turns to leave the bathroom, leaving you heaving to haphazardly step inside your dress as you trail behind him, finding him resting against a wall, his bike roaring a few meters away as he smiles your way knowingly as he puts on his helmet, throwing another one your way "So.. all ready to leave that asshole of a husband now or should I wait another 15 years?"
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bratkook · 4 years
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girls in bikinis. (m) kth.
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pairing: taehyung x reader genre: smut, pwp word count: 5.3k warnings: exhibitionism, unprotected sex, partially clothed sex, fingering, spanking, dirty talk, creampie, he fucks her in roller skates okay and its light and playful author’s note: this came to me as i washed my dishes and listened to this song by poppy and idk what possessed me to write this when i have 2471819 other wips i should be focusing on but i hope u enjoy it lmaooo
As the sun beats down on Taehyung, beads of sweat trickling down his neck while he cruises on his long board along the concrete path right on the beach, he doesn’t think he regrets encouraging your new hobby more than he does right now
You see when you first voiced your desire to learn to roller skate Taehyung had found it endearing, even going as far as purchasing the skates for you as a surprise because you had been so excited watching videos online of other girls gliding around.
When you finally got them and slipped them on, stumbling around like a baby deer discovering they had legs, he thought it would be an adorable hobby. Seeing you bundled up with your knee pads, matching elbow pads ready to catch your fall and a helmet strapped tightly under your chin.
It all screamed cute.
But your determination had set it, constantly practicing out on the sidewalk or in the shoddy parking lot of your apartment complex, not caring how many times you bruised your tailbone with your nasty falls until they slowly minimized.
Soon enough Taehyung had stopped providing you ice packs and comforting words when you took a tumble and instead he had begun to watch in awe as your strides got more confident, no longer afraid to apply pressure onto your toe stops when you caught some speed, mixing in some cool spins as you skated around him in circles.
With that added confidence came the fact that you no longer needed to be wrapped up in safety gear as extensively as you used to be which is what landed him in this situation, watching you glide along beside him with the skimpiest outfit on.
This no longer screamed cute, no this entire thing was currently shouting sexy in his head so loud it was a surprise no one around him could hear it.
Taehyung swallows down a groan when you push out so you’re ahead of him now, the scrape of your wheels mixing in with his own. His eyes trail up your body, seeing how your legs glimmer in the sun thanks to the body oil you had lathered on before you, making your entire body look like its glowing.
The expanse of your legs are out for the world to see and he’s almost positive if you bent over just slightly he’d catch a peak of the underwear you currently had on because these black cut off shorts were purely for aesthetic purposes.
Its not until you whirl around on your skates, gliding backwards with your arms and head bobbing along to the music you had blasting from your phone in your back pocket, that his eyes zero in on your tits. Taehyung can’t hold the groan back this time, not with the way he sees them bounce and jiggle with each stride of your legs, only being caged in by the tiniest triangle bikini top you had so graciously slipped on.
He knew you did this on purpose, did this just for him, color coordinating your orange top to match the suede of your skates and passing it off as a cute notion. Taehyung had gotten drunk a few nights ago, and with the added alcohol came the slip of his tongue, confessing how hot he thought you looked as you rolled around and how much hotter you’d look if you did it in just your underwear.
You, being ever the people pleaser, weren’t going to let him down. Of course you weren’t clad in your bra and panties but this was definitely second best and when you catch his dazed out expression it proves you right.
His foot mindlessly keeps pushing himself forward, coming back onto his board robotically to continue the glide while you shimmy your chest at him tauntingly.
“My eyes are up here.” You quip teasingly, your hand coming up to rake through your hair as you shoot him a dazzling smile. Thats when he finally blinks out of his daze, meeting your eyes with a cheeky smile on his own face.
“Oh I know,” he shrugs, rocking on his board as he glides side to side, his wheels kissing the edge of the path each way as he does so, “prefer staring at your tits though.”
A snort leaves you at his comment, swirling back around to face forward, slowing your pace down until you’re once again right beside him. You turn your head to look at him, smirking when you see him staring at you already, “Figured, that’s kind of why I wore this.”
“Ah,” he sighs out, his hand reaching forward to grab your own in a sweet notion as he matches your speed, “so I fell into your trap?”
The soft laugh you let out makes the horniness that's clouding his brain clear up, paired with the fact that he can no longer see the way your boobs bounce with every crack on the floor, he has a moment to cleanse his impure thoughts. 
“Yeah, it’s all going according to plan.”
Taehyung laughs fully at that now, his eyes crinkling up as he smiles, his ash blonde hair being fluffed up from the wind and the speed at which he pushes off the floor, “Oh yeah?”
A small hum is your only response, mimicking his movements and pushing forward once more to make room for bikers approaching you, once again giving him the glorious view of your ass and legs. 
“And how does this plan of yours end exactly?”
You spin around once more, the action smooth and nothing at all compared to the way you struggled months ago, your hand still grasping his own as he helps guide you from any oncoming people. There's a glint in your eye that he can’t pinpoint but he knows its trouble, it usually always is with you. 
“With you fucking me.”
His brows arch up at your lewd comment, how you said it so nonchalantly, almost as if you were discussing a grocery list. His balance falters slightly as he wobbles on his feet, your hand being the saving grace that stops him from face planting onto the hot cement. That would definitely sober his filthy thoughts up just as quickly as they came, nothing like good road burn to help him stop sinning.
“Well let's go then.” He chokes out, ready to drag you to his awaiting car, maybe you’d let him defile you in his backseat if you were this horny but you shock him once more when your shoulders shrug. A playful frown on your face as you look behind you, your eyes focusing on the surrounding buildings, “Why?”
“What do you mean why, you said you want me to fuck you or am I reading this all wrong?”
Another laugh bubbles out of you, the sound sweet and angelic as if you aren’t currently thinking of him rearranging your guts in the unholiest of places 
“Oh no, I definitely want you to fuck me but why leave?”
That’s when the realization hits him, his eyes widening up as his mouth drops open when he understands just what you’re suggesting, “Here?”
A simple nod is sent his way, your smile widening when he looks around in exasperation, almost as if he can’t fathom that you’d let him do whatever he wanted to you in any location. “But we’re in public!” He hisses out, his cheeks warming up to a blush and its adorable. 
“So, I’m horny and I want you to fuck me. Are you game?”
As adventurous as Taehyung was, he'd never, ever, fooled around in public and as much as he wanted to, the fear of getting caught and possibly being thrown into jail always stopped him. But the way you look right now is making all of his logical thinking go straight into the gutter and he can’t find it in himself to care, not when he can see this whole thing play out in his mind.
With every blink of his eyes he sees flashes of you, pressed against the side of a building as you moan out his name, the feel of your oiled up skin against his fingertips as he grips into your hips and fucks you from behind, the thrill of having to keep quiet.
He feels his cock spur to life in his shorts and that is absolutely the only convincing he needs to make his feet come down with a thump, haphazardly hopping off of his board and yanking you to an abrupt stop, his hands having to catch you before you topple over from the force of it all. 
“Hell yeah I’m game, but if we get caught it’s all your fault.”
He wastes no time scooping his board up and tucking it underneath his arm as he takes off, dragging you behind him while he hauls you off the bike path and onto the crowded boardwalk. His grip on you is secure as your wheels wobble on the uneven path, his pace speeding up when your laughter reaches his ear. 
A smirk spreads onto his face as his eyes bounce along each building, determined to find a location good enough for your rendezvous. The small whispers you send him make him feel like you’re a little devil perched onto his shoulder, luring him into making the worst decisions with the best outcomes.
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“You gotta be quiet Y/N.” Taehyung whispers with a laugh, his hands placed on your ass, pushing you into the small alleyway between two buildings you had both deemed good enough for the scandalous act you were about to perform.
You have to bite your lip to prevent teasing words from slipping through, your heart was currently pounding in your chest as reality hits you, not believing just how easy it was to convince Taehyung do to anything involving sex.
It’s almost comical how he rolls you deeper into the small hiding spot, his board slipping from its spot under his arm and landing on the floor in a loud thunk. The sound echoes all around you but he can’t focus on that right now, completely ignoring the scowl you send his way after he had just shushed you into silence.
“You gotta be quiet–” You mock him, the end of your words being muffled out when he slaps his palm over your mouth, a taunting look on his face as he pushes you against the brick wall. The heels of your boots thud against the building as your back presses flush against it, the gritty texture of the wall digs into your back but any complaints you have get stuck in your throat when you see the look in his face, your breath huffing against his hand, the tiniest smile creeping onto your lips.
“Don’t worry about me baby,” he whispers out, his face inching closer to yours. His eyes sneak a side glance towards the opening of the alley way, seeing the occasional person walking past blissfully unaware that the two of you were tucked away in here, “unless you want people to see how desperate you are for my cock you need to keep that pretty mouth of yours closed okay?”
A stiff nod and a hum against his palm is all you give him, your eyes staring straight into his as he takes a moment to ogle you. His gaze trails down your neck, onto the swells of your chest covered in the tiny orange bikini, his head tilting slightly as he watches the rise and fall as you try to steady your breathing. 
“Nervous?” Taehyung teases, choosing now to remove his palm from your mouth.
“No,” you breathe out a laugh, resting onto your left toe stop as you sag against the wall, “I’m excited.”
Of course you were, this had been your plan after all. Get Taehyung so hot and bothered he’d do anything you asked and he had fallen right into your grasp, not that he had any complaints.
“You fucking minx.” He jokes, pressing his lips against yours in a hard kiss, the smell of the sunscreen he had slathered his face in invades your senses, it reminds you of summer and you know after today it’ll also remind you of this moment.
Your lips drop open as he licks his way into your mouth, groaning when his tongue slithers against yours. Your arms hook around his neck, tugging him closer as he lightly licks the roof of your mouth before pulling back with a hum.
“Gotta be quick yeah?”
“Yeah,” you sigh, letting his hands grip your sides, his thumb softly rubbing your waist on his way down to the button of your shorts, “hurry.”
The bouncing wheels of skateboarders whizzing by a few feet away has you gasping in excitement, Taehyung shooting you a wink when he catches the thrilling look on your face at the prospect of getting caught, “You got it.”
Taehyung pops the button of your shorts open, the sound reaching your ears, aiding in the small rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins. The metallic scrape of your zipper being yanked down joins the air, his long fingers dipping into the waist of them and tugging them down your legs until they catch around your knees from the way your thighs are spread out.
He eyes the tiny pastel orange panties you chose to wear, your entire outfit being carefully thought out for this exact moment and it makes him chuckle under his breath, he really had fallen right into your trap. 
His fingers toy with your underwear, following the edge of it as it curves into your inner thighs, a shiver wracking through your body at the ticklish feeling, a slight detour being taken when his thumb presses into the damp patch decorating the front of it.
A wiggle of your eyebrows is sent his way when he eyes you teasingly, “Who would’ve thought you’d get this wet just thinking about me fucking you out in the open.”
“Please, I get soaked just thinking about you doing literally anything.”
He knew that much to be true, taking pride in being the main reason your panties were ruined.
Its not until the sound of people talking reaches his ears that he remembers he needs to hurry up, the idea of being caught was definitely hot but actually getting caught wasn’t so he once again grips your hips and turns you around.
Your heavy wheels clank against the ground at the change of position, your hands gripping the rough wall to keep you steady as he moves you, the rolling of your wheels only making him laugh.
“Uh, you’re gonna have to lean on your thingy to stop from rolling.”
“My toe stop?” You tease, putting pressure on your right foot to help stabilize you as he places a palm on your back, his fingers tracing the ties of your bikini top as he pushes you forward.
“Yes you smart ass.”
With you no longer rolling back onto him he deems himself ready to continue, his palms roaming over the smooth expanse of your exposed ass. You had clearly covered your entire body in that damn oil, not leaving a single area bare of the jasmine scented liquid which Taehyung had now decided was his new favorite thing.
“Hurry up and fuck me.” You whine out, your hips jutting further back, not at all expecting the swift slap he lands on your left cheek. His large palm swats against your skin so hard it bounces off the walls, the gasp getting stuck in your throat when everything falls into silence once more, half expecting someone to peek their head in from how loud it had been but it luckily never comes. He soothes your warm skin with his palm, kneading your flesh gently as he bit his lip.
“Gotta make sure you’re ready for me baby.” He scolds, his thumb hooking around your underwear and yanking it to the side, revealing your dripping slit to him. His other hand comes forward to let his fingers trail up your folds in a teasing motion, softly tracing up and around, not being able to resist teasing you further. When his index finger glides through your slick with ease his mouth drops open in awe, forever being prideful at the effect he has on you.
The small whine spills out of your lips when he slowly dips his finger in, enjoying the way your walls pulse around the tip of it before he pushes in to the hilt, starting a slow rhythm as he pulls out and thrusts back in, quickly adding a second finger and scissoring them inside of you to properly stretch you out for his cock.
“Mm Taehyung,” you sigh out, your head falling forward to rest against the cool wall as he continues to fuck you open. Each thrust of his long fingers has you keening, more of your arousal gushing out of you in excitement, becoming more and more desperate as he continues, “fuck I’m ready please.”
He playfully hums in thought from behind you, not entirely convinced two fingers would be enough for you to adjust to him. “I don’t think you are Y/N.”
The way your pussy clamps around his third finger when you feel the tip of a prod at your entrance proves his assumption correct, but he could take care of that. He knew you body well enough, having the motions down to a science. The way he curls his fingers, alternating between spreading them out and nudging against the sweet patch inside of you, it doesn’t take long until you’re fully relaxed in his hands, your hips rocking back into him at the feeling of being so full.
“There you go sweetheart,” he coos, his eyes slipping shut for a moment as he focuses on the wet thumping every time his palm hits your ass when he thrusts into you. The softest moans fill the otherwise silent alley, your fingers desperately clutching the wall, no doubt scraping your skin but that was a problem for later on, right now all you could think about was how amazing Taehyung’s fingers felt inside your cunt.
“Fuck, nngh please Tae.” You plead, twisting your body slightly to crane your head over your shoulder, hoping the clear desperation etched onto your features was enough to have him whip his cock out and fuck you like you wanted.
Your wide eyes glimmer with unshed tears from frustration and he takes pity on you, slipping his shiny fingers out of your pussy and popping them into his mouth like second nature. As if you needed him to do more to turn you on he has to go and lick your arousal off of his digits like it was his favorite candy.
“Okay,” he murmurs out, undoing his own shorts and yanking them down just enough for his cock to spring free. The visual of it out in the open almost makes those tears pool over, his large hand wrapping around the girth of it as he lazily pumps his aching length inches away from you, “you ready?” He questions, bringing his palm to his mouth to noisily spit into it, using it to lube up his cock as he steps closer to you.
“Yes.” You breathe out, rolling your lips together as you face the wall again, your head hanging low as you wait, your pussy clenching in anticipation.
Taehyung steps in between your legs, keeping them nice and spread apart, yanking your underwear to the side to reveal your sodden folds to him once more. He licks his lips over as he guides the head of his cock towards your entrance, the slight pressure of it pressing against you has you sighing out, gritting your teeth together to keep from shouting at him to hurry up.
Finally, he eases his way inside, his bulbous head breaching your entrance, the stretch that accompanies it beating the feel of his three fingers from before. This was what you wanted, his thick cock stretching you apart and filling you up the way he knew best.
Taehyung holds in a groan when your walls tighten around him when he bottoms out, his hips fully flushed against yours, the two of you panting as he stills inside of you.
“You okay?” He whispers, his fingers moving to grip your hips once more to help ground himself as he waits for a response from you. The sound of more people approaching has your walls pulsing around him and he groans, “Fuck, of course you’re okay. You fucking love this huh?”
A small whimper of his name is all you let out, the idea of being caught in the act making the words stick to your throat, instead you push back onto him, urging him to move.
Taehyung takes the hint, a smile gracing his face as he slowly inches back, beginning to rock into you in a steady rhythm, his pace increasing every time you let a tiny moan slip out from between your grit teeth, a small reward for being vocal because he wants you to let anyone listening know it was him making you feel good.
“Answer me baby.”
The squelching sounds of his dick hammering into you fill the air, the lewd moans finally leaving you with no qualms about who could possibly hear, “Fuck, yes I love it.”
He hums in appreciation, his hips fucking into you with more force at your admission, new determination settling inside of him to get you to fall apart, not an ounce of shame remains at getting caught.
Taehyunt can’t lie, he knows he loves it too, loves the way you’re letting him claim you in public, the way your moans echo in the space you’re in, your hand gripping the wall. A squeal leaves your lips, mixed in with a breathless laugh, when he angles his hips just right.
“Such a good girl,” he grunts out, gripping your hips tighter when you squeeze him, “letting me fuck you like this. Want everyone to see that you’re mine huh?”
One of his hands curls around your front, trailing up your body until he reaches your skimpy top. He yanks the fabric of your bikini to the side, his palm squeezing a handful of your tits as he continues to thrust into you, the coolness of his palm contrasting with the warmth of your chest.
“Just yours, only yours.” You slur out, your brain turning into putty when his dick curves just right. The way his hand squeezes and tugs at your exposed nipple has your mind spinning, your body being jostled by his thrusts and in turn making the foot that remains flat on the floor roll back and forth from the force.
“Ah, baby,” he laughs as his fingers pinch your pebbled nipple, hearing a small hum in response from you, “you’re rolling again.”
Taehyung slows his thrusts, rocking in to you more calmly as you grunt in frustration, neither of you took into account how inconvenient fucking in roller skates would be.
“My calves are cramping from holding my feet like this.” You admit with a laugh, feeling Taehyung lean his head forward until it rested in the juncture of your neck, his soft breaths hitting your skin as he chuckled.
“Okay, here bring them down flat.” He guides you, holding you steady as you even out the weight on your skates, a tiny yelp escaping you when you begin to roll down on the uneven alley floor. Taehyung repositions his feet to rest right behind the skates to keep you from sliding further, an experimental thrust of his hips being sent your way to test the hold, “Better?”
When you no longer roll back, just bump forward slightly, you sigh in relief, “Yeah, so much better. C’mon keep fucking me.” You plead, your palm coming down to wrap around the hand currently groping your tits, urging him on and he listens.
“Whatever you want baby.” He mumbles against your skin, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder as he pulls his hips back, rearing forward in a brutal pace that has you nearly shouting out. Your body hunches forward more freely now, no longer afraid of rolling away, instead your hand slides down the rough wall as you moan out his name.
His eyes catch on to the way you’re soaking his cock, leaving it slick and shiny with your arousal each time he pulls out. Taehyung feels like his mind is swimming, the whines of his name and the way you rut your hips back on him is the only anchor keeping him in the present.
He releases your nipple, trailing the hand down your front until it dips past your underwear and reaches your clit. Your reaction is instant, a loud gasp filling the air as your walls clamp down at the stimulation when he begins to rub tight circles on your sensitive nub.
“Oh god Taehyung,” you cry out, placing both hands on the wall and throwing your head back in pleasure, “you always fuck me so good.”
He grunts at your confession, the slight ego boost inflating his chest, the tiny licks of pleasure curling in his gut as he feels his release approaching, “Mm yeah? You’re creaming my cock baby, you enjoying yourself?”
Taehyung marvels at the way your back arches further, focusing on the way your ass bounces with every thrust of his hips and he can’t help himself when he delivers another harsh smack onto one of your cheeks, watching as the skin ripples and smarts at the slap.
“Ah,” you mewl, the sting of his palm sending tingles of pleasure up your spine. Your velvety walls pulse around him, always one to enjoy a little pain with your pleasure, “yes! F-fuck, I’m close Tae.”
He can tell, the way you’re sucking him in further every time he pulls out, desperate to keep him buried to the hilt, “You gonna cum like this? Gonna let everyone hear what a filthy girl you are?”
The taunting tone of his voice has your stomach tightening, the small coil of pleasure winding up inside of you with every roll of his hips, every deliberate flick of his finger against your clit. Your head turns to the side, having a clear view of the opening of the alley way, seeing the occasional person walking by. You never thought you’d enjoy the thrill of this as much as you did but the oncoming release you feel is evidence enough that you were thoroughly enjoying yourself.
“C’mon baby, let everyone hear you.” He groans out, a smile gracing his face when he hears the way you instantly do as he says, lewd moans of his name bouncing off the wall as you edge closer to your release. “Good girl.”
Your walls spasm around his cock at the praise, a few more flicks of his finger paired with his length expertly hitting your g spot every time is all it takes for your orgasm to crash over you. Your head falls forward, your mouth dropping open in a silent moan as your mind momentarily blanks, every nerve in your body lighting up as you come undone.
“Oh fuck–“ your moan dies in your throat when your body tenses up, small shocks coursing through you as he continues to roll your clit, enjoying the small twitches your body gives him.
Taehyung gasps when your walls tighten even further around him, his hand retreating from your clit to firmly grasp your hips to continue fucking you through it, seeking his own release now, grunt of pleasure escaping his open mouth and reaching your ears.
“Shit,” the rhythmic pulsing of your pussy is what sends him over, his thrusts getting sloppier until hes surging forward, his cock twitching as he pumps his hot cum inside of you, filling you up to the brim with a sigh of your name.
Your forehead rests against the cold wall as you try to catch your breath, the pounding of your heart can be felt in your ears as you come down. The breathy moans of Taehyung get closer as he tucks his chin over your shoulder, still buried deep inside of you.
“That was...so fucking hot.” He confesses, a wide smile spreading across his face when he feels your body vibrate with laughter.Carefully, he slides out of you, the both of you groaning at the loss of contact.
When Taehyung pulls away and slips his softening length back into his shorts, his eyes stay glued to the way his cum coats your folds, slowly dripping out of you. That was totally unacceptable so he gathers some of it onto his fingers and stuffs it back inside you before he readjusts your underwear to fully cover you, sliding your shorts back up your legs and helping you spin back around, readjusting your top with a grin.
“My legs feel like jello.” You admit when your balance falters, Taehyung having to grip your hips tighter to keep you from toppling over onto the gross floor.
“What can I say, my dicks just that good.”
He dodges the smack he knows is coming, a deep laughing filling the air as he ducks away from you, laughing louder when your horrible aim makes you wobble around.
“Tae!” You whine, an adorable pout on your face when he only laughs some more. Your arms cross over your chest as you stare at him with a slight scowl, “Help me.”
The smile on his face softens as he looks down at you, his hands trailing along your arms to unfold them and gently clasp his fingers around yours. “Of course I’ll help you baby.”
That satisfies you, standing up straighter now that he had a hold of you, “You think we can make it to the car without either of us face planting it?”
His eyes narrow in thought, the odds really weren’t in either of your favor but an idea pops into his mind, the curl of his lips indicating just how evil he was but you miss it, too focused on not catching your wheel on a pebble. Your legs were once again reminiscent of bambi and as much as he acted like he was unaffected, blowing his load in you had made his own legs feel boneless too.
“I mean, if we fall at least we fall together?”
Right, that seemed to be the best outcome but it was fine by you and way better than the two of you staying in this dingy alley way for much longer.
He leads you out of the alley, bending forward to pick up his discarded board before exiting the hiding spot and reentering the real world. It feels like you hadn’t seen the sunlight in ages, your eyesight spotting for a second before you adjusted to the brightness of your surroundings.
Taehyung uses that to his advantage, placing his board back on the floor as he stares at you, not yet noticing that he had let your hand go because the sun was absolutely blinding.
“I’ll race you to the car.” He shouts out, not giving you a moment to respond or argue about it before he hops onto his board and takes off, his foot pushing off the floor in a haste to win.
Your mouth drops open when you see him bolt, your brows furrowing tightly on your forehead, in disbelief that he had abandoned you after claiming he’d help you, “Asshole!” You shout after him, missing the way he smiles when the words reach his ears. With that comes the scraping of your own wheels as you take off after him, a small grimace on your face when you feel the way your ruined underwear sticks to your skin.
Soon enough you’re speeding right past him, your hair flowing behind you and the muscles on your legs flexing from the force of your pushes. Taehyung lets out another loud laugh, a change of position from earlier, this time you had fallen into his trap and everything was going according to plan. With you now a few feet ahead of him Taehyung can freely ogle at your body without a care in the world.
Checkmate.
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skellyagogo · 4 years
Text
Scott Lang- Misunderstanding
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Summary:  Never fails when someone hears something out of context.  A bad day leads to frustration and refusal to hear an explanation.  A misunderstanding leads to the worst days of your life.
Pairings:  Scott Lang (Antman), Female reader
Warnings: Language, depression, anxiety, self-doubt
**********
*So I had this dream right, kinda played out how I wrote this, but again getting what's in my head out into words is sometimes a struggle. It always plays like a movie in my brain and describing to other people gets a bit scattered. The ending, however, is very Scott.*
"Antman sucks!" I heard the voice from the hallway and it made me stop in my tracks.
The others heard it too, watching me with guarded expressions. All I wanted to do was grab a beer after that shitty mission, instead, now I had to hear how much I sucked as if I didn't already know. I was the reason why Y/n wasn't with us, why she was miserable schlepping around on crutches with a broken ankle.
"What the actual fuck Parker!?" Y/n's growl exploding from the living room. The sounds of something getting thrown with force across the room and crashing into the wall.
"He does, I mean honestly, what good is shrinking and growing? There's no viable moves there, he can barely handle hand to hand combat. So ergo he sucks." Maybe the kid was right, I didn't know what I was even doing here anymore.
I could hear the murmurs of the guys around me, but it was like I was frozen in place, my mind running away with its self. I was a mess, I had no business jumping in this stupid suit and attempting to save the world with the people surrounding me. Peter was right, hand to hand combat wasn't my forte, that's why Y/n had been working with me every day.
Things were going smoothly until she showed up one morning back from a run with Steve and Sam a few weeks ago in nothing but shorts and a sports bra. I was more than distracted, it was bad enough we'd gone out on another overly awkward 'movie date' the night before. We were friends, I mean close friends. I wanted to be more, but I didn't stand a chance. My hand kept brushing up against her's on the armrest. I spilled my soda on her jeans and all over her shoes... again, tipped the popcorn on the floor and when the night was over I went in for a kiss thinking maybe just maybe she'd see how much I liked her only to smack her nose hard with my forehead. Perpetual failure.
I couldn't stop staring at her, all that exposed skin calling out to me begging to be touched. I felt like a dirty old man watching her move around the ring. Her curves and the way she flowed, the sly little grin clinging to her lips. Those eyes piercing into me like they could read the obscene thoughts in my head. Seeing her like that made me realize I was in for a fight against the hormonal teenage side of me. It all happened so fast, one second we were sparring the next she was on the floor clutching her leg hissing in agony.
"Take that back, Parker!" Her anger was reaching new levels, I could picture her face now. The twitch of her eyes as the narrowed, the little flare in her nose.
"No, it's the truth. You can't honestly expect to get anywhere with him. Pick someone else because he's only holding you back." There was no remorse in his voice just sheer honesty.
The sound of her crutches swiftly moving as she picked them up off the floor, the mumbled grunts and the thud of her good foot hitting the floor in agitation as she walked. I should have moved, ran, fled, but I was stuck staring down the hall toward the living room.
"I'm not having this discussion again Parker. I won't stop using Antman." She stood at the end of the hall still glaring at Peter. "I'll use Scott if I want to so fuck off Parker." Y/n turned to keep moving down the hall, she froze like a deer in headlights seeing all of us.
"You're just a sore loser like Antman, Y/n," Parker replied, but she only shook her head watching my reaction.
"Scotty..." Flashing me that soft smile only made the pain that much worse.
"Y-you're using me?" I shook my head letting out a huff, I don't know why I thought my luck would change.
"Scotty, it's not what it sounds like." She laughed, she actually laughed limping down the hall.  "We were playing..."
"I'm holding you back," my hand went to my head running through my hair. The same hair she said was cute after a workout. "And you're using me, you know what,... forget it." I turned on the spot and left.
**********
"Scott wait!" He wouldn't stop, just kept walking. I tried to follow but damned these stupid crutches. I was racing down the hall trying to explain, and lost my footing. The crutches crashed on the floor and I went flying face forward landing on my hands and knees in yet more pain.
"What the hell was that about Y/n?" Bucky ran trying to help me up. "Doll, please tell me you're not one of them?"
"One of what?" I stared at him confused. He gave up trying to help me stand and settled for swooping me up bridal style nodding his head towards Steve to grab the crutches.
"I thought you were one of the good ones, why are you taking advantage of Lang like that?" Sam added his own two cents into the conversation, but I was left in the dark. All of them were looking at me like I'd just robbed a bank in broad daylight in my uniform.
"What in the fucking shit are you idiots talking about?" I groaned seeing the new scrape on my knee. I was starting to feel like Clint lately with all these injuries.
"We heard you, you said you were using Scott and wouldn't stop." Steve's Brows of Disappointment furrowed in agitation.
"You're damned right I'll always use him, he's my favorite and despite what Parker thinks he's not holding me back." My answer wasn't what they were expecting which would explain why Bucky dropped me on the couch without care.
"Wow, you're a bitch, you know that?" Tony interjected from across the room.
"Whoa, how did playing Antman turn into me being a bitch!?" I shrieked glaring at all of them. Parker sat at the other end of the couch wide-eyed watching the exchange in horror.
"So you admit it! You're playing him like some gold-digging harlot." I'd never seen Wanda look so disgusted as she was now and it was directed my way. Parker started waving his hands trying to get everyone's attention.
"Um, I think there's a major misunderstanding here." He got up from his seat and crossed the room grabbing a plastic case from near the game consoles.
"You're damned right there's a misunderstanding. Y/n's lucky I don't toss her out on her ass right now. We don't role like that here." Tony was seething from his barstool.
"We were playing a game, Mr. Stark." Parker handed Tony the Avengers video game he'd been bringing over the last few days.
Peter had been keeping me company while the others were out on a mission. It wasn't often that we'd found the time to sit back and play video games together but that was the bonus to my broken ankle. He couldn't believe it when he found it, we were all in it. Parker was fangirling so hard over this game worse than awaiting a new Star Wars movie.
"A game?" Tony eyed the case and then me regretfully. "I don't remember signing off on... oh shit." Realization finally hit.
"Yeah, it's on the tv right now. You know that massive wall behind you displaying all of us in technicolor glory." Parker glimpsed at me smirking, seeing them all turn around silently staring at themselves in video game form.
"I-I, shit, Doll I'm sorry. I thought..." Bucky stammered out a weakened attempt at an apology.
"You're all what? Sorry that you just fucking stood there and accused me of something shitty." I was beyond pissed. I was livid that these people that claimed to be my family who honestly think I was capable of something so horrendous as to use Scott.
"I'm sorry," Tony's muffled apology only set me off further.
"How can you all stand there after all this time and honestly think I'd ever do something like that to someone I love?" I pushed myself off the couch struggling with the crutches. Steve tried to help but I shrugged him off. "I've done a lot of terrible shit in my lifetime, but using someone's love was never one of them."
"You... you just said you loved him." Parker grinned widely.
"What's your point?" I growled hopping out of the room.
"Nothing it's just... I thought he was just a 'friend'." There was an awed smugness in his tone, the kind where you could hear the smile in the words.
"Congrats, now you know and he won't because he'll never want to talk to me again." My voice faltered in its mumble as I left the room.
*********
What was the point? What did anything matter anymore? He wouldn't answer my calls, wouldn't respond to my texts. A couple of times I stared at my phone watching those three little dots blinking, a response in the making, but nothing ever came. Crying and miserable, despising myself. I didn't know how many more ways I could explain that it was a mistake. Just when I thought I'd emptied the tank of tears more would flow out.
Curtains shut, cutting out all light. Only the glow of the stereo from across the room. Sappy collage music on repeat and blaring loud enough to drown out the sound of my cries. To cover the sounds of the knocks on my door and the pleas to come out. The worst times of my life always seemed to boil down to a misunderstanding. I couldn't get that look of anger and betrayal on his face out of my mind. Laying upside on my bed, head hanging over the edge staring into the darkness.
youtube
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
Belting the words out off-key and sobbing. Ignoring the shadowed figures lingering outside my door. Why did I care what any of them thought? Scott was... Scott was the best thing to never happen to me.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once, you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
That smile. That aggravatingly adorable smile set my heart ablaze. Thumping and racing inside my chest.
Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Baby, won't you get them if I did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
Sobbing so hard I fell out of bed, curling into a ball on the carpet. I just wanted to see his face, I just wanted to apologize. I wept like a banshee hating myself for never saying what I felt out loud.
*********
"I can't take it anymore!" Tony groaned, hands covering his ears as he slumped on the nearest couch in the lounge. His eyes pleading at Peter. "Can't you make it stop?"
"Make what stop?" Peter asked pausing his video game.
"Can't you hear it?" Tony asked bitterly. "She's been up there on her floor listening to sappy John Mayer songs. It's been going on non-stop for three days."
"It's your fault boss," F.R.I.D.A.Y interjected herself into the conversation. "If you hadn't spent all that energy telling her that he wasn't good enough, maybe she would have told him sooner."
"Shut it!" Tony grumbled toward the ceiling.
"Sorry Mr. Stark, once Mayer Mode has been activated there's no stopping it. Don't you remember how she was after the first time they went to the movies? It's got to run its course." Peter knew the whole thing had been blown out of proportion, but still, people become stubborn when they're hurt.
"Nothing can be done my ass! Those two are the most childish oblivious people I have ever met!" Tony growled stomping out of the room and headed towards his lab.
Tony landed on the sidewalk out in front of an old Victorian home. High walls and fencing didn't deter him one bit. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door while stepping out of his Iron Man suit. Dark circles around his eyes from lack of sleep, coffee had failed him for the first time in his life. He couldn't stand it anymore, couldn't take hearing her cry from behind her bedroom door. Y/n was miserable and he felt like it was his fault, a fact that F.R.I.D.A.Y. took every opportunity to point out.
He wanted to put an end to it, though he struggled to understand why Scott. What was it about Scott that had her in such a state? He was goofy and childish, spent all his time trying to make her laugh. Tony had to admit that he was intelligent, maybe, just possibly as smart as he was, but not that he'd openly say so. The door swung open and he stood face to face with a surprised but quickly agitated Hank Pym. Hank tried slamming the door on Tony but he braced the door open with his hand.
"I know he's here. I need to talk to him." Tony hadn't meant to sound angry but he was exhausted.
"I don't know what you're talking about Stark, now get off my porch." There was an eerie calm in Hank's tone, though his eyes shot daggers at Tony.
"I get it, my dad screwed you over, but I'm not him. I just need to talk to Scott... please."
"He doesn't want to speak to anyone, not after..." Again Hank tried to shove the door closed.  He'd only heard Scott's rambled explanation as to why he was back, but it hardly made sense.
"Hank it was a misunderstanding." He shoved the video game case towards Hank. "I only want to explain, he's got to come back."
"A game?" Hank looked over the case seeing the likeness of all the Avengers including Scott on the cover.
"The poor woman's in love with him, I don't understand it but Y/n's miserable. She's been crying for the past four days. He won't answer her calls or texts. It's like living with a teenager hearing that crappy sad music on repeat. She won't eat, won't leave her room, won't talk to anyone. The same sad music over and over. If I have to listen to her crying anymore I'm going to lose my mind." Tony pleaded and the sound of it almost made Hank smile if it weren't for hearing about Y/n.
Hank liked her because she brought out the best in Scott. Challenged him in a way he never could. Y/n somehow succeeded in getting Scott to concentrate, to push himself. After Hope rejected him, he wasn't the same, but Y/n... something about that sweet thing woke him up.
"I'll see what I can do, but no promises." For the first time in their history, Hank offered Tony a smile, albeit a sad one.
**********
Her bedroom was in shambles. It wasn't that Y/n was a messy person by any means, but Scott knew it had all been done in an attempt to quiet her mind. Y/n was like that, whenever something was too much, she found something to occupy her mind. Music or reading or even hitting the gym. Records and books scattered over the floor, piles of clothes haphazardly draped over chairs and her couch.
He could hear her crying inside her bathroom, the sounds of the shower echoing inside. She hadn't answered his knocking so he did what he had to, he used his suit. Enlarging himself and opening his helmet his eyes were drawn in all directions. The blankets on her bed rumpled and tossed. One John Mayer song after another coming out of her speakers.
An M.I.T. hoodie he borrowed her one night when she couldn't sleep and they wandered around the Compound grounds making up stories about constellations that didn't exist but they saw in the skies anyway. The Fugly doll that Cassie had given her at Christmas sat lonely at the foot of her bed. Scattered over her bed were trinkets and a shoebox. Scott stepped closer seeing a myriad of items and smiled when he realized what they were.
A dozen or so movie ticket stubs from each movie they'd gone to. Leaning over he picked one up and smiled, but the date piqued his interest, it was over two years old. There was a tiny ring with a giant fake gem, the kind you get from those machines for a few quarters that come in a plastic bubble. Holding it in his hand seeing it strung through a silver chain melted his heart. He remembered the day he'd gotten it.
It was a day where things unspoken were weighing heavily on her mind. She looked miserable so he pulled her out of her room and around the city they went. Scott dragged her through all the touristy areas of New York City snapping selfies of them as they went, anything to make her smile. From taking her picture with the Singing Cowboy in Times Square to Chinatown, a ferry ride to the Statue of Liberty, and an elevator ride to the top of the Empire State Building. They ate hot dogs from a cart in Central Park, and ice cream at Serendipity.
Eventually making their way to Coney Island filling up on cotton candy and riding every ride they could until she couldn't stand it anymore. He'd never seen her smile like that before, so carefree. Even her eyes looked different as if she'd woken from a dream. Those brilliant orbs glistening and twinkling in the lights reflecting off the rides. He felt something that day he'd never experienced with Maggie. Y/n made him feel like the most important man in the world and she did it with just a smile.
They were on their way back to the Compound, heading out of the amusement park when he spotted the machines. Digging in his pocket for change, he quickly turned the handle while she leaned against the railing watching the water of the bay behind him. Tapping her right shoulder while he stood to her left, he couldn't help but smile as she fell for the childish ruse.
"Scott," she groaned laughing smacking his arm.
"Hold out your hand and close your eyes." Scott smiled rocking on the balls of his feet, something he often did when nervous.
"Why?" Y/n questioned cautiously with a raised brow.
"Just do it, you trust me, don't you?" That smirk of his was almost too much for her to resist.
"You know I do," though she rolled her eyes. Being his friend hadn't kept her from being the victim of one or two of his pranks.
He was still new to the group at that point, a few like Stark didn't fully trust him. Always questioning his intelligence and abilities, but Scott and Y/n hit it off the moment they shook hands. Like two peas in a pod they were, stuck to each other like Nat and Clint. Rolling her eyes she held out her hand and closed her eyes. Popping the ring out of its plastic case, Scott set it in her palm and closed her fingers around it.
"Open up buttercup," he mused eagerly.
Her eyes lit up sparkling seeing the meager bauble in her palm. She didn't hesitate to slip it on her finger. Those little trinkets were meant for children, but it fit on her pinkie finger. Tucking her arm around his they headed for the car. Scott thought he was about to lose it when she leaned her head on his shoulder.
"Thanks, Scotty," she sighed happily.
"Don't mention it, I'm the King of Fun and you definitely needed some today." The ring had turned her finger green by the time they made it back to the Compound, but she loved it none the less.
In the shoebox, he found tiny action figures of himself in heroic poses, even a comic book someone had created. There were newspaper clippings of his superhero deeds in San Fransisco. There was even a tiny trophy Cassie helped him pick out for Y/n's birthday. Cassie wanted to include Y/n in on her and Scott's tradition of funny things like Scott's Best Grandma award. Cassie saw it first and thought it was perfect. A tiny little golden trophy that said 'Best-ish Babysitter'. They both thought it was funny, it was a running joke that Y/n's position in the Avengers was more so keeping an eye on everyone and doing her best to keep them out of trouble, though Tony made that virtually impossible.
Coffee and dinner receipts. A couple of Dove tinfoil wrappers because the saying on them was too perfect to not give to her, and she kept them. His heart was racing, thumping, practically trying to escape. Little scribbled notes and silly jokes he left on Post-it's stuck to her bedroom door. Polaroid pictures from various parties and events, but almost all of them were just of him and her. Scott eyed the contents over her bed seeing that they spanned back to their first meeting.
How annoyingly childlike and innocent the both of them seemed to be around each other. The fear of past relationships, of rejection. How much easier it seemed leaving things as they were rather than ruin what might have been.
The nervous 'first' movie and the seemingly constant tradition of spilling soda on some part of her, and yet she still willingly went with him time and time again. The corny jokes and straw sword battles over dinner in some mom and pop joint because fancy pricy joints weren't their thing. The midnight picnics in the grass just to watch meteors and shooting stars.
Early morning coffee at a little bistro to caffeinate before listening to Cap, Fury, and Tony drone on and on. The fall bazaars and the winter carnivals in the guise of Cassie needing some fun, but more often than not she acted more like the adult then they did. They were always the ones to volunteer to go to schools and speak to students on career day or when they had the Anti-Bullying campaigns.
Movie nights in the media room spent pranking and harassing the others. The water balloon fights in the Compound hallways. Nerf gun wars on rainy days. Words were never spoken, feelings never uttered aloud but actions... actions spoke louder than either of them ever could. The bashful smiles and longing glances. When one would get caught gazing at the other, that one would look away with a hidden smile.
He thought back on all the times they'd fall asleep while in wait for a prank. Her head resting on his shoulder, his arms on instinct wrapped her around, holding her close and keeping her warm. The late-night talks in one of their bedrooms. The occupant of the room laying comfortably on their bed while the other lounged on their couch. Trading barbs and stupid comebacks until exhaustion hit and sleep won out. The sleepy grins and nervous chatter the next morning.
**********
"Who the hell was in my ROOM?!" I bellowed wildly racing back in my room, the door wide open.
I'd only left my room long enough to get a pint of ice cream from the kitchen. In that time the curtains had been pulled off all of my windows. Bright sunlight glaring inside. Tearing my closet apart in search of spare sheets and coming up with nothing. Eyes frantically scanning my room to find every sheet both fitted and flat taken out of my room. Not even my blankets were on my bed.
"I hate you assholes!" I shrieked knowing they could hear me.
Rushing in my bathroom not even a towel was left. They knew me well enough to know I'd have put anything up over the windows to keep myself in darkness. Flopping down on my bed reaching to cover my head with pillows that had been taken as well. Groaning in frustration I closed my eyes drowning out the sunlight. Stupid bright shining light and it's terrible warmth. Just another thing that reminded me of Scott.
The rays of the sun as bright as that goofy smile. The heat from it just like the warmth of his body. Snuggled close, his arms around me while we talked for hours on end about nothing and everything. I thought... I thought we had just eased into a relationship. I mean, we were like best friends, but best friends didn't kiss and we had... more than once. They weren't perfect, and more often than not ended in one of getting bonked on the forehead or the nose, but they counted as kisses... didn't they?
I thought all this time we were together and neither of us wanted to say it out loud. It was stupid being adults, but it's not like either of us were really that serious. We still laughed at fart jokes for crying out loud. I was afraid putting a label on it would ruin it, as things would suddenly change. Maybe I should have said something, if I had I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
Darkness slowly moved over, covering up the sun. Even through closed lids, I could see it. Thinking Tony was playing some joke or Thor was finally answering my plea for rain, my eyes opened to find tiny shaky movement over my window. Millions of wobbly flecks shook and turned. Kneeling on the bed getting a closer view, nose pressed against the glass to see ants.
Walking in place, buzzing in frenzied energy. They began to swarm and move. Undulating little bodies spun and danced in a pattern. Too close to make out what they were doing. Jumping off the bed, I stood entranced seeing the heart. They moved in a repetitive pattern, over and over spinning in the shape of a heart.
In a blink over half of the ants marched off the window. Those that were left traipsed over the glass. Lines forming letters that moved back and forth. A simple word, 'sorry' spelled out in insects.
"What the hell?"
A lone trumpet sounded out from outside, followed by a drum. Crossing my room and opening the balcony door I was met with a strange sight. On the grass below my room stood Luis playing the trumpet. Kurt sat in front of a small set of drums, Dave stood beside him with a keyboard. They all waved grinning and started playing Frankie Valli's 'Can't Take My Eyes off You.'
youtube
"What the fuck are you guys doing?" I laughed as they repeated the intro to the song. Luis' head nodded towards Scott's voice as he began to sing the words.
Enlarging, he slipped off his helmet leaning against the balcony. A cheeky little smile on his face with a wink. Belted out the words slightly off-key. Pushing off the railing he danced his way towards me grinning. Taking my hand in his, lifting it over my head he spun me around in typical cheesy Scott fashion. Overdramatic and silly. He bopped his index finger on my nose.
Stepping closer, resting his hand on my lower back. Swaying back and forth, I tried not to laugh. The absurdity of it all. The ants, the music, his friends below from across the country playing instruments. It was Scott in so many ways, a flare for the dramatic and yet goofy. Brows furrowed and his eyes twitched nervously.
'I love you, baby
And if it's quite alright
I need you, baby
To warm a lonely night
I love you, baby
Trust in me when I say
Oh pretty, baby
Don't bring me down, I pray
Oh. pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby
Let me love you'
The music no longer played, and Scott stood silent. A sheepish glint in his eyes, a jittery shake in his stance. The playfulness gone replaced with uncommon seriousness. Grabbing my hand lacing our fingers together, he stared at the concrete of the balcony.
"I should have said something sooner," we spoke in tandem. His eyes shot up meeting mine.
"R-really?!" He sputtered in confused awe.
"Why the hell else would I risk getting covered in soda all the time? I-I kinda thought we were sorta..." My free hand fiddled anxiously with the collar on his suit.
"Already dating?" A smirk slid over his mouth.
"Well yeah, I mean, fuck Scott... we've kissed and I didn't wanna label anything cuz..."
"Past relationships were messy." He watched me avoid making eye contact, instead, I focused on his suit.
"Right, and now I feel..." My palms resting on his chest, heart racing wildly.
"Like an utter idiot." Scott always found the way we spoke amusing, the ability to finish sentences without much thought behind it.
"Exact..."
The force of the kiss nearly knocked me off my feet. The corny Rom-com hold he had on me. Hands cupping my cheeks, fingers tangling in my hair. Simple and sweet and not an injury like usual. My eyes closed, mouth parted, slightly out of breath, he pulled away smirking. Luis and the boys down below cheering had Scott laughing.
"Finally!" Tony groaned loudly. "Get her out of the damned Compound and don't come back for at least a week, strike that, make it two weeks."
"But where..." Scott tried asking but Tony wasn't having it.
"I don't care, bags are packed, planes ready, I'm paying for it all, just go!"  Tony motioned 'shooing' actions with his hands from beside Luis.
"We're going to make him regret that decision aren't we?" Scott whispered in my ear.
"Oh, you better believe it."
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corpse--diem · 4 years
Text
Organ’s Out Of The Bag | Morgan & Erin
Summary: Morgan interrupts Erin at work, eats her organs, and learns about the family trade.  When: Week of 5/4 Featuring: @mor-beck-more-problems​
There wasn’t a “How To Operate An Illegal Organ Trafficking Business For Dummies” book to help Erin work out the best system for organizing and storing frozen organs. Shocker. Buying a second industrial cooler would have been as expensive as it was suspicious, which made trial and error the only real option. It was tedious, and there was probably still a better way, but she’d found her groove. Hollowed, block-like shelving units had been attached to the far end of the wall. Other items were stored on top but she could lift the face of each one, almost like a locker, to fill and empty as needed. Only she knew where the latches were and only she could open it. A small feat, sure, but you had to take your wins where you could get them. Maybe she was finally getting the hang of this? That was a thought that should have sat more uncomfortably on her mind or deterred the smirk on her lips. If she had a spare moment at all, it wasn’t for that kind of introspection. 
With her music loud and her focus set, she made quick work of it. Saran Wrap, label, and onto the next. Just another Tuesday. One more load to go and she could break for dinner. A figure filled the doorway when she turned, startling her backwards while some instinctive part of her reached for the knife in her back pocket. “Jesus Christ, Morgan…” she huffed out, freezing before she pulled out the blade. “You scared the shit out of me. What—“ she narrowed her eyes, her panic doubling in that moment. “You’re not allowed down here.”
After the video incident, Morgan hadn’t expected Erin to be someone who was okay with hanging out with her newly dead and only semi-feeling self. But aside from the body horror, Erin thought she was ‘cool’. Maybe Erin lived with death in a way that kept her from feeling it. Maybe it wasn’t a tar pit for her. Maybe it didn’t even pull, but could just...sit its ass down and let her be. Erin had her life pretty together, right?
Morgan traipsed up the entrance of the Nichols’ house since Erin had said she could just come in, but there was no sign of her, or any life going on in the house. So she turned instead to the lower levels where they had passed through for the ritual. She found her bent over a table with...organs. Bags and bags of organs. Morgan stayed put, hand over her stomach, her mouth watering. At least one of those was a heart, and those were thick enough to remind her of meat sometimes. But there was the whole other question of what they were doing here. Morgan didn’t know a lot about mortuary work, but there were too many different kinds laying around near each other for it to have anything to do with her ‘clients’. And if it wasn’t that, than maybe--
Erin turned just as Morgan reached for a bag of brains and a pair of eyeballs. She smiled, bright and sheepish. “Hi…” She drew out the greeting as long as possible. “We had plans. You said I could come and show you more weird zombie things?” Her gaze slid sideways to the table. Stars, it all looked so good. “I knocked, you didn’t answer,” she went onto explain, popping one of the eyeballs in her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. “And since I already knew my way around…” She shrugged and swallowed the eyeball, popped the other one into her mouth, doing her damnedest to savor it before she stuffed the whole table into her mouth. “So, anyway, what’s with all the random dead organs on your table?”
Fuck. Erin had completely forgotten about their plans. Not that she wasn’t excited for some extreme body horror and manipulation. Between the lack of sleep, the mimes lurking around every corner, and maintaining her day and night jobs, things were slipping through the cracks. “Sorry,” she shook her head, moving to turn the music off. “I got caught up in--” she started to explain, until she was watching Morgan pop an eyeball into her mouth like she was sampling an appetizer. It wasn’t bad enough that Morgan saw the goods, she had to snack on them too. Five minutes in and she was already out a couple hundred bucks. This was off to a hell of a start. “Stop that!” She ran for the table, collecting the rest of the saran-wrapped organs in her arms. Fuck. Fuck. “I was about to put them away,” she answered, aware that it was more of a nonanswer. “They’re not hors d'oeuvres so can you just--try to refrain?” She huffed, moving to the freezer. Glanced back, unable to feel just a little uncomfortable at the thought of being alone with an apparently snacky zombie. “I thought you just were into brains, anyway?”
Morgan backed away from the table, frowning as she cradled her snacks to her chest. “This is me trying!” She whined, mouth still half full. This wasn’t a good time to wonder if whatever species this had come from actually tasted better than the rabbit eyes she normally had, but the pull in her, the wanting, was so much she closed her eyes to enjoy the last gummy chunks sliding down her throat as she finished it off. “Um, so, funny story? Brains make my world go round, but dead bodies and viscera are like...well I never did even soft drugs when I was alive, but I can’t help myself. I’ve stuck my face straight into a dead baby deer. It’s like true love...in uh, you know, gross...foodie sort of way.” She swallowed the last of the eyeball, feeling embarrassed. Then she remembered that Erin was the one with the zombie buffet on her table. “You never answered my question. What are you doing with the zombie buffet on your table? This doesn’t look all that much like Funeral Director of the Year stuff.” She opened the brain bag and started to munch on that next.
Erin couldn’t help but stare with vague fascination as she watched Morgan explain herself, chewing on a half eaten eyeball. “I’ll try to remember that next time, then,” she winced a little, watching her money go right down Morgan’s throat. Nothing that could be done about it now, anyway. Flustered a little at the question, realizing Morgan wasn’t about to let up. “Well--I was saving that one for you anyway so, please. Enjoy,” she nodded towards the human brain she was already feasting on. A little sarcastic considering she was helping herself again but more genuine than not. Fuck. This wasn’t at all how she’d anticipated this little visit to go. With a long sigh, she pulled her rubber gloves off. “It’s--complicated,” she said hurriedly, clearing her throat. Had she ever actually straight up told anyone about this? Nic, Marley--hell, even Nell just knew. No explanations had been necessary. “And I’m a damn good funeral director. This doesn’t change that.” Her fingers tapped on the silver table and she eyed her carefully. “If I tell you, this stays between us, right?” Morgan was smart enough to probably figure it out at this point, but the assurance didn’t hurt.
Morgan continued to frown, miffed that she was on the pointy end of the sarcasm stick when she had been asked to come. What was she supposed to do, stay at the door all night and go home sad? But Erin seemed frazzled beyond being interrupted. Morgan’s dig at her above-board job proved that too. Morgan was even beginning to feel bad. She tilted her head, trying to get a better read on Erin. “I’m a zombie, Erin. I know all about awkward secrets to keep.” She started to edge closer, plucking a chunk of brain matter off to chew on. And, holy shit, she had to know how long this one had been left sitting and at what temperature, because it made her taste buds melt like burgers used to--but there were more important things to deal with. Erin had some kind of organ stockpiling problem, and maybe a ‘oops my friend knows I’m into some weird, sketchy looking shit’ problem. “If it helps, it looks like you’re running some kind of under the table organ pantry. So either I’m right, and I just made your job easier for you, or I’m wrong, and you have even more reason to correct me. But...you just saw me eat eyeballs and I used to sell people shiny rocks I transmuted out of garbage. I’m really not gonna judge.”
Erin chewed on the inside of her lip as Morgan spoke. Yep. Of course she figured it out. What the fuck else was a mortician doing with a bunch of unlabeled organs saran wrapped in the embalming room? All signs pointed to shady. This was entirely her fault, which bothered her the most about this whole thing. She fucked up. Forgot their plans. Something had to give, eventually. It was bound to. Juggling businesses, murderous mimes and actively trying to not be a shitty friend was a dangerous game. But she trusted Morgan, as much as that was worth. Had to, considering how calmly she was chewing on Mr. “Mr. Reid’s dearly departed brain, after taking out his eyeballs in less than five minutes flat. “Organ harvesting and trafficking, actually,” she corrected her, taking a deep breath after she said the words out loud. Just rip the bandaid off, right? Felt wrong on her tongue for more reasons than she cared to think about. “It’s--” she shook her head, glancing down at the table again for a moment, then forced herself to stare back up at Morgan. Fingers thrumming against the table again, her nerves alight. “My dad got into it before I took the business over and I got stuck with it because he couldn’t handle it. Please believe me when I say this isn’t something I ever wanted.”
Oh. Oh, this was something serious. Was Morgan still a person who knew how to take on serious things with new people? She was feeling okay today. Sort of float-y in a way that made a distant part of her worried, but she wasn’t tired. Not like she was on other days. But this whole—thing Erin was tearsely explaining wasn’t something looked suddenly less like a dirty secret and more like a two ton brick she’d been hauling for too long. Morgan could at least understand that feeling, even if the rest of the situation confused her. “Shit,” she said. “That explains some of the vague trauma you mentioned. I can’t even imagine…” She stepped closer, more confident now that she wasn’t in trouble, “Can ask if—I mean, is it going well? Are you...going to be okay?”
Relief came with the confession like an exhale. A momentary reprieve to that tension knotting in her chest for months now. The inhale felt just as horrible as it always had. The knot settled back where it knew it belonged in Erin’s chest. Morgan wouldn’t judge. She wouldn’t rat her out. But there was something unsafe about having it out in the open like this. A little bit of control was gone and that almost felt worse than the deed itself. “Good as it can be, I guess? It was a little rocky at first but--I’m getting there.” She tossed on a smile, raising a brow at Morgan. “Don’t worry about it. Just try not to eat my merchandise? Those eyeballs you demolished set me back a couple hundred dollars,” she teased, a chuckle in her voice to hide the very real pain there. Dale was a good scapegoat for that kind of thing anyway--the big oaf was as heavy handed as they came. She leaned against the table, glancing between the brain in her hands and Morgan’s gaze. “Is… that your first human brain?”
“Oh. Oh, shit!” Morgan cried, face dropping with dismay. “I really couldn’t help it. That’s not just like, me being weird. I can probably get Deirdre to reimburse you? I don’t have to mention the eyeballs, or the brain, if you don’t want, but I uh...don’t think she’d mind it either.” It was a little too late with the brain, so Morgan took a sheepish dip back into the bag to pull off another chunk. It was halfway up to her mouth when Erin said the word human. Morgan looked down at the brain again. “Oh,” she said, voice squeaking. “So that’s why it tastes so good.” She continued to stare at the brain. From the size of it, she probably should’ve known it wasn’t just some deer. But holy shit. You’d think there’d be fanfare or at least a good shock of agony over baby’s first lite cannibalism. But it had just been a really yummy brain, no more interesting than another until she’d tasted it. “Uh...yeah. If that’s what this is...yeah.” Was it bad, that it didn’t mean anything to her? That the only thought she’d had was how yummy? Sure, deer and raccoon and cow brain were nice. But this was steak. Or cheesecake. For all that it looked the same, the taste was enough to have let her feel good about something while she’d chewed. Then another question came to her. “Not to be gross, but are these...was this…” she jiggled the bag in her hand. “...One of your clients?”
“No, no, it’s okay,” Erin finally gave a genuine laugh, shaking her head. Was that one of those zombie quirks? Like how amputated body parts turned to goo? “I actually really was saving that brain for you.” She had to admit, she was a little surprised at Morgan’s hesitation. This was a funeral home. No way she could’ve thought animal brains were more readily available than an actual human’s. Didn’t deter her, she noted, when her fingers dipped back into the bag. “Well,” she said, starting to pull off her blue scrubs, raising a brow. “My clients have some organs to spare. Waste not, want not?” She offered with a shrug. It was more difficult than she anticipated to keep her eyes off of Morgan. She looked the same, and if it wasn’t for the brain food she was gobbling down, it would’ve been impossible to see anything different about her. But she was eating a human brain. She knew what happened to some of the parts that left her basement, but this was the first time she’d witnessed it first hand. “Doesn’t bother you, does it?” Another pause as she tried not to overtly stare anymore. “You know, I swear I didn’t invite you over for this but--if that’s something you think you’d want on a regular basis, I can definitely help you out.”
Morgan looked down at the brain. She was still waiting for the horror to set in, but mostly she was worried what Remmy would say, or Deirdre. She’d only given her animal brains so far, not even an offer or a suggestion of anything else. They wouldn’t blame her for an accident, but liking it, enjoying it---Morgan saw herself split and cracked between two lenses. One monstrous, one that simply was. ‘Don’t eat the humans’ was the number one thing she heard from hunter types. It was even a question she remembered asking herself. Do they eat people? Do they hurt people? As if it made them inherently better, safer, if the answer was “right.” But here she was, some poor guy’s insides already in her stomach. And as much as she was troubled, it took effort to maintain. “B-bother?” She asked. Shrugged. “Does it bother you? You seem pretty chill with me eating in front of you, all things considered. I mean, would you really….supply that sort of thing? For me?”
There was some kind of internal struggle going on behind Morgan’s eyes. Was this weird for her too? She’d been snacking on them like Erin was going out of business. “I don’t know, maybe I should be more bothered,” she shrugged, running a hand through her hair. “But I fished them out of the guy, you know?” Maybe it was like how a butcher didn’t have any trouble selling even the most obscure parts of the cow. In this case, she was simply more familiar with the human body. “Doesn’t bother me,” she confirmed, giving her a smile to cement that. “Brains are a little more expensive, just so you know. But yeah. This is what I do. It wouldn’t be a problem at all.”
“You...did all this yourself? And the guy still looked like himself at the end? With the--” Morgan motioned to her skull. “I’m usually in a weird...zombie haze whenever I’m eating out in the wild, so things like being careful don’t really make it into the thought process. But...bones are hard. If you get it really wrong, you get a bunch of gross pointy bits in the food. Worse than eggshells in your fried rice. What do you do to get to the stuff and humpty-dumpty them back together?” But something else snagged her mind more than her curiosity, pulling her back. “You really mean it? About the not weird and the...supply? Just, you know, for sometimes? Really?” She wondered how expensive Erin was talking here.
“The brain’s usually always taken out during an autopsy, along with the rest of the organs.” Erin explained. “They all get tossed into the visceral bag, which then gets tucked into the stomach cavity. Makes my job easier because then all I have to do is take them out and pack them up.” This would make the whole process way slower and harder if she had to go in every time and dissect them herself, she knew that much. Her brows furrowed at the thought of Morgan out there in the woods, running around and crushing animal skulls. “Yeah, I mean it. Can’t have you out there chasing after squirrels or whatever all the time, right?” Wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. She shrugged. “My boss usually likes to charge a higher fee but I don’t mind cutting costs. For friends,” she smiled.
“Oh, wow. That’s...one way to do it.” Morgan realized with unsettling clarity that she had never thought of the mechanics of death before. When she had lost her parents and her friends, she had been too wrapped up in the loss and unfairness of it to remember there was something practical, even mechanical to death. Even in humans, with the rituals and the preservation that kept the flies and maggots at bay, there was something. A process detached from all that they had meant before the last breath went out. It wasn’t bad, or hurtful, it was simply...after. Morgan came out of her thought to look at Erin, steeped her whole life in this strange, thankless care. It was essential, even as it rattled and stung the rest of the world, her clients. She didn’t even have much of a chip on her shoulder about it, she just continued, and found a way to make “after” work for other people too. Well, maybe not “found,” but she was still at it. And now that the shock of discovery had worn off, she didn’t seem that ashamed about it. A rush of endearment filled her and she ran to Erin, brain still jiggling in the bag and pulled her into a crushing hug. “Thank you, Erin,” she said. “You’re a really good friend, you know that?” She lingered there a moment, trying to fix words to how...fine all of this seemed. Not normal, they wouldn’t be hiding in a basement if it was normal, but fine. She pulled away, backing up to hop on the table, taking another handful of brain. “You wouldn’t have heard from somewhere about how human brains taste, would you? I feel weirdly like...playing board games. And listening to the radio. Like there’s a hockey game on? I don’t like hockey, but if you know where to put one on--” She gave a thumbs up and took another bite of brain. “But, also, I’ve lost my foot like twice this week. If you wanted to check out weird things my bones can do still.”
Erin looked up just in time to brace herself for the shorter woman hurling herself at her. “Oh, you’re--,” she huffed out a laugh, genuinely struggling to catch her breath. For a moment it felt like she had just ran into a wall with arms. “You’re welcome,” she finished, briefly wrapping her arms around her. Morgan was a lot of things Erin was still trying to properly grasp, but she was a good one. Chaotic, but good. That much she did know. She held her hand to her chest when Morgan pulled away, laughing despite herself. “I’ve never thought to ask,” she answered honestly, leaning against the same table Morgan was perched on. “How does it taste?” When she started to prattle on more questions, things so specific to the man in the ziploc bag in her hands, she couldn’t help but stop in her tracks. “Don’t tell me you’re suddenly craving a tall, crisp IPA now too?” She asked, glancing back and forth between Morgan and the bag. His widower had carried on about the man’s favorite things to her just that morning before crying into her shoulder. “You don’t mean you’ve literally lost your foot, right?” As soon as she asked the question, she couldn’t help but realize how very wrong she probably was.
Morgan shrugged. “Rich. Like, a good medium-rare burger. Or like, cheesecake? It’s good. Rich. My mouth is literally watering eating it.” She took another bite. “Ew, IPA? No, I mean, I can’t taste anything anymore, but I came from Houston, and our beer culture is way to evolved for an IPA. Are you saying--” She eyed the brain pointedly. “I actually kinda know Mr. What’s-his-name? When I eat him?” She shrugged, a little uncomfortable. Having real, meaningful parts of people in her head wasn’t something she was sure she liked. But stars, whats-his-name tasted good. “Ooh, but actually, I did mean literally.” She kicked off her flats and wiggled her bare toes. “I don’t have anything to break them with, but if you got anything fancy in here, you can knock yourself out. Like--” She pressed them against a chair leg, more and more until they crumbled and bent over in a way toes normally shouldn’t. It was a satisfying sting of pain. She flexed them again and they righted themselves before both their eyes, only a little dislocated, really. She smiled up at Erin, kicking her legs with a little satisfaction. “I mean, when I ran into this scary eye-hands critter, I just lost the whole thing. And with the killer clams. But we’re good as new now!” She looked around the room for wherever Erin kept her music. “I do kinda mean it about hockey though.”
“Mr. Reid drank IPA’s,” Erin corrected, a slow smirk on her lips as she watched her. She didn’t have any particular thoughts about beer. Beer was beer. Some of it was good, some of it was bad, but it all got the job done in the end. She couldn’t help but stare as Morgan seemed to crush her toes, then flexed them back into shape again. “Whoa,” she said in genuine amazement. An idea sparked and she turned, digging into one of the cabinets. “Yeah, over there,” she said, pointing towards a radio across the room. She pulled out one of her biggest, thickest trocars. This wouldn’t hurt her right? Erin smiled, raising a brow. “Hey--can I try something?”
11 notes · View notes
softstraykids · 5 years
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lee minho|fuckboy au
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member: lee minho/lee know genre: fluffy & flirty summary: fuckboy au! best friend’s brother au! you were the one girl that minho could never get his hands on. and for good reason chan would kill him if he ever touched you but why would your heart not stop fluttering when he gave you that cocky and infuriating but completely heart melting smirk requested: nope but it’s minho’s birthday!! 
⋆ ──────── ⋆ ✩ ⋆ ──────── ⋆
minho was bad news for your heart
he was your high school’s residential fuckboy
and for good reason too
the boy had it all
he was gorgeous
to the point he could easily be a model
he had 8 best friends which stuck with him through everything
who all are of course gorgeous and constantly sought out by the student population
you still didn’t understand how good looking people all hang out together
do they just gravitate to each other?
anyways minho wasn’t just a pretty boy
he mostly got A’s on his reports
he was captain of the dance team
and vice captain of the soccer team
which meant crowds of girls would swarm the soccer pitch in summer in the blistering heat
to catch minho shirtless who always took his shirt off in summer  
he loved showing off
you always thought they were crazy like
air conditioning and ice cream over hot boys any day
chan the team captain and minho’s best friend would always get pissed off
he’d just shout across the field to minho
“KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS FOR AT LEAST BLOODY PRACTICE”
minho would just laugh and mock salute him
while chan would sigh and shake his head wondering why the hell he picked him as his vice
but none of the girls could interrupt dance practice
well more like they couldn’t get into the room
minho made sure it was keypad locked
since when girls could come in it was so loud because of all the cheering and screaming and no one could hear anything
plus jeongin always teased minho that the reason he keypad locked it was that there were more girls there for felix and hyunjin than him
you always thought the little devil had a point
but even with all this going on minho had time to do all his fuckboy ways
his snapchat CONSTANTLY spammed by god knows what sort of pictures
hookups at parties were a regular for him
the thing is minho didn’t even have to try
he would literally just look at a girl and do his signature smirk
and girls then just threw themselves at him
once he was done with them they’d usually cry or be upset
bad mouth him that he’s a fuckboy
but if he ever asked to simply just meet them again they’d go crawling back to him offering him everything
it was quite pathetic actually
though in the sea of all those desperate girls
there was you
someone he could actually talk to
someone he couldn’t help but want to know more about
someone who didn’t have to be a one night fling
but you were someone who was completely and utterly off limits
you were chan’s little sister
minho’s known you for years and you guys were close
though he never saw you more than a little sister
but that all ended a few months ago
minho and chan were in the living room playing video games
while you came from upstairs to get some cereal to snack on
you rummaged around your kitchen but you couldn’t find any of your goddamned favourite cereal
“CHAN WHERE’S MY CEREAL??” you shout
chan pauses the game then looks at minho
who looks like a deer in headlights with his mouth stuffed with your favourite cereal
chan starts laughing so hard
while minho keeps on hitting him to be quiet and putting his finger to his lips to tell him to shut up
you enter the room to see the back of minho but you could see YOUR cereal box on the coffee table
chan laughs harder as you enter the room
he looks between the cereal box, minho’s panicked expression and your murderous one
“you’re so dead minho” chan says comfortingly patting his shoulder
then escaping to his room
it was almost comedic the way minho turned around to you with wide eyes
you could see his adam apple bop up and down
“LEE MINHO WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY??!!! NOT TO EAT MY BLOODY CEREAL THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME THIS MONTH” you scream lunging at him
you quickly grab a pillow from the couch and start hitting him as hard as you can
not like it did anything good it was a bloody pillow
didn’t mean minho wasn’t over dramatic and kept on shouting
“OW OW OW CAN YOU STOP??!!”
you finally did once you felt your anger go down to a simmer
“wow someone’s on her period” minho muttered quietly under his breath
but you heard it
“lee fucking minho what did you just say” you whisper your voice dangerously low
pillow in one hand pointing at him like a sword
with your eyes narrowed at him
minho plastered on a fake smile and an innocent expression
“what me? i only said that how you’re the most beautiful and sweetest person to exist on this planet” he says sweetly shrugging his shoulders
“uh huh sure” you say rolling your eyes
you snatch your nearly empty cereal box and give minho one last glare before stalking off
just before you were about to leave the living room
minho called out “wait is that my t shirt?”
you spin around already eating your cereal
“well i stole it from chan thinking it was his but yeah it could be yours” you say like it’s no big deal
while minho was kinda just struck by some sort of feeling
you leaning against the wall
eating his favourite cereal out of the box
bare faced hair all messy from your pillow fight from earlier
in HIS t shirt which went a bit above mid thigh on you
you looked gorgeous
how did he not notice it sooner?
he always knew you were considered attractive
but like it never really clicked that you were ATTRACTIVE
smh dumbass
though he knew your personality was great
you occasionally hang out with the whole gang
you were funny and nice and had no problem talking back to any of the guys
you got along with everyone and amused all the guys with your witty comebacks
you also took care of the maknae line in the group and changbin
even though you were the same age changbin
but he acted younger than jeongin half the time
basically jeongin’s a freshman 00 line are sophomores changbin and you are juniors and the three hyungs are seniors
but he never realised how gorgeous you were
until now
“you look good” minho smoothly says his back turned to you
you thought you were hearing things
minho complimenting you??? has the world ended??
“wait what?” you couldn’t help but blurt out
he turned his head but not fully just enough so you could see his side glance at you  
“i said you look good in my t shirt” he ends with signature heart melting smirk
and that’s exactly what it did
melt you into a gooey puddle
not knowing how to respond
you shoved as much cereal as you could in your mouth making you look like a chipmunk
and just nodded then hurried off to your room
face beet red and heart beating a million miles a minute
minho couldn’t help but chuckle
gosh you were cute
in the next few months
minho flirted with you
a lot
and you were not having it
well you loved it but you hated it
GNSKSIFJ why was this boy doing this to you it’s like he liked torturing you
well he probably did
everytime he saw you he would give you a tight hug which made you never want to leave his arms
and he did that with every single hello and goodbye
that you could deal with
and you could also kinda deal with minho trying to hold your hand at any chance
“y/n you are actually slower than a snail hurry up!” he complains
then he swiftly grabs your hand intertwines your fingers
sO QUICKLY you can’t even process it
“yes daddy long legs” you huff out
minho’s smirk was more prominent than ever as he suddenly stopped
then brought you so close you actually squeaked
making his smirk even more cocky if that was even possible
he whispered so close in your ear that you could feel his breath on your neck
making you shiver and get tingles down your spine
“already calling me daddy huh?” he whispered his words literally dripping in innuendo and cockiness
his laugh which accompanied the comment sounded so pure and innocent compared to what he just said
i absolutely love minho’s laugh
It broke you out of your shock with your mouth wide open
he was already running down the corridor
as you shout to him
“Y-YOU LEE MINHO YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW SO I CAN DROWN YOU IN HOLY WATER”
me whenever he dances or acts sexy
these sort of incidents were a regular
and you couldn’t help it anytime he was near you
your heart sped up
but there were times without the constant flirty banter
and you loved it  
and that was when you really couldn’t deal with your feelings for minho
like when you went to get your favourite cereal in minho’s car
you guys got like 20 boxes and still finished it in a week
or when you two went on like a 2 hour car ride at 1am
and you guys were singing along to all the cringey 2000 songs so loudly the whole time
or getting drive thru junk food at 4am in the morning
you two got really close 
and you were falling for minho
but you were nearly a hundred percent sure he didn’t see you that way
you couldn’t of been more wrong
minho was going actually crazy cause of you
you were on his mind 25/8 if that was even possible
he knew he was falling for you and it frustrated him to no end
the LEE MINHO was falling for someone
and no matter what he did
all his tips and tricks
even with just blatant constant flirting 
you didn’t seem anywhere as deep as him and completely oblivious to his feelings 
not only was he falling for someone who seems completely disinterested in him 
then there was also chan
how the hell are you supposed to tell your best friend
you’re in love with their little sister and to give his fuckboy best friend a chance with her
minho couldn’t even get over you
he tried
so so many times
it was pathetic how many times
no girl could hold a candle to you
he literally cut off contact with any girl who wanted to talk to him in a romantic way
it just pissed him off
as cheesy and cliche as it sounds he didn’t want any other girl than you
everytime he saw you
he couldn’t help but smile and when he wrapped his arms around you he just wanted to hold you there forever
whenever he made you smiled it was the best feeling than anything else
gosh he was so in love with you
he was so wrapped up in his own world with you only on his mind
minho didn’t even realise he made a full choreography inspired by you
until felix and hyunjin mentioned it
they were at the dance studio 10 minutes early to dance practice 
and they watched minho dance to the choreography inspired by you 
just as minho finished 
“WOAHHHH HYUNG that was actually really good you should perform it in the showcase this weekend!” felix exclaimed
minho quickly shook his head and quickly said 
“no no no this is something i just came up with and it’s not really not that great”
“hyung what are you talking about?! honestly that’s the best solo choreography i’ve seen from you EVER” hyunjin said incredulously
minho looked between felix’s awed expression and hyunjin’s confused one 
he sighed “i just can’t perform this choreography i didn’t even realise i was making it until you guys told me” 
“why can’t you perform it?” hyunjin asks curiously 
“i just can’t” minho says not looking at the two boys not wanting to admit his crush for you 
“it’s cause of y/n” seungmin casually said walking into the practice room sipping his tea
i need a seungmin in my life
minho's brain literally stops working as seungmin says that 
“y/n? what do you mean y/n?” hyunjin asks completely confused 
“what does y/n have to do with anything with his choreography?” felix continues just as confused as hyunjin 
jisung walks in next well more like bouncing in as he announces loudly “minho’s in love” then sits next to seungmin 
minho’s brain kicks back into gear making him regret all his life choices 
“i fucking knew i shouldn’t of asked those two come to watch and give feedback” minho mutters under his breath sliding down the wall
“minho in love with wh-HOLY SHIT MINHO HYUNG’S IN LOVE WITH Y/N???!!!!” felix ends by shouting 
“what the actual fuck??” hyunjin slowly says still trying to process it 
“i can’t believe you idiots didn’t realise yet” laughs woojin as he enters with jeongin and changbin
“even jisung realised and it’s JISUNG” jeongin cheekily added 
“HEY I’M YOUR HYUNG REMEMBER!” protested jisung
“dumbasses” changbin says affectionately putting an arm around felix and hyunjin
most complicated love triangle ever
minho lifting his head out of his hands looked at the boys who entered
“was it that obvious?” he said like he was in pain
then chan walks in and minho heart plummets as chan smirks at him and amusedly says 
“very”
“u-uh c-chan i-” minho tries to start
chan laughs “minho’s it’s okay i’m not mad i’ve seen this coming for months"
“i just couldn’t help myself i’m sorry chan” minho sighs out leaning the back of his head against the wall
“oh stop being so dramatic i don’t hate you and weirdly i don’t disapprove of you and y/n being together” chan says lightly 
“w-wait what?” minho questions 
“has the lack of sleep finally gotten to your head” seungmin adds
“seungmin” scolds woojin
“yes yes i know unnecessary snarky comments don’t need to be said” seungmin huffs out
“have you not realised how much you’ve changed in the last few months?” chan asks minho like he’s an idiot
while minho just shakes his head 
“well to start off you don't take your shirt off constantly anymore” chan begins quite happy about the decreasing number of fan girls 
then all the members start contributing
“the biggest one for me was blocking all your trashy hoes on snapchat” changbin comments
“you haven’t hooked up with anyone recently either” jisung adds
“not even making out” hyunjin says dubious to the words coming out of his words
“you’ve stopped flirting with anything on two legs” seungmin drawls on
“i was not that bad!” minho protests
“YES YOU WERE!!” chorused all the guys 
“also you CONSTANTLY want y/n to hang out with us” felix says amused
“and you always stare at nuna like non stop” jeongin honestly adds
“the dead giveaway to me was you smiled like actually beamed of happiness whenever she even walked into a room” woojin ends on a romantic note 
“it doesn’t matter though she doesn’t even see me that way” minho says shaking his head
all the boys burst out laughing
“remind me how the hell did you get so many girls” changbin says smirking
“he’s probably lost his touch” jeongin adds sneakily 
“she likes you too dumbass it’s clear as day” chan says still laughing a little patting minho’s shoulder
“w-wAIT REALLY?!” minho bounces up and stands up excitedly 
“yes minho she really does” woojin assures him smiling 
“NOW will you perform the choreography and even dedicate it to y/n?” felix suggests
“yeah i will” minho says with his usual confidence looking forward to the showcase
all the boys bust their ass to help minho confess to you 
minho’s choreography wasn’t actually to a specific song
so the 3racha boys offered to make a song for the choreography
chan produced while jisung and changbin worked on the lyrics with minho
chan claimed he didn’t want to do anything to do with the lyrics not wanting to know about your private romantic life 
felix and hyunjin helped clean the dance and filled in for minho as dance teacher for the other groups performing 
seungmin, jeongin and woojin trained minho to sing really well for the track
just pretend minho can’t sing in this au or hasn’t tried to 
it was all ready for the showcase 
*showcase time*
you were loving the dance showcase 
you had front and center seat and you had some of the other guys sitting near to you including chan right next you 
minho was brilliant like he always was 
you couldn’t keep your eyes off him and you were so excited for his solo
felix, hyunjin and minho just finished their dance as a trio 
it was amazing they literally took your breath away 
like their technique and control over their bodies were ridiculous 
you hear jisung’s voice through the speakers as he was the mc for the showcase 
“hey everyone I hope you’ve been enjoying the night so far, this is actually our last stage for the night and it’s minho’s solo which everyone seems to be looking forward to!! so let’s welcome the man himself. give it up for miNHOOOOOO”
cheers erupted as minho walked on stage smiling, waving and blowing kisses 
you couldn’t help but laugh and roll your eyes
“thanks everyone for coming!! this is a really special performance for me, the song was produced and written by 3racha” cheers erupted once again at the mention of 3racha you could see changbin smirking from the corner of your eye
“i contributed to the lyrics though and woojin, seungmin and jeongin helped me sing and record the song too while my dance buddies who just got off stage felix and hyunjin helped with the choreograpy too”
he paused as people watching were cheering, all 8 boys were extremely popular and including minho were known as the kings of the school
“so this special performance is actually dedicated to someone” minho continues shyly?
wait minho was acting shy??
your heart plummeted as you thought he was dedicating the performance to some random girl 
you started to drown in your thoughts
but then suddenly minho looked straight at you and your heart almost completely stopped as he did 
with an almost nervous but still sweet smile he said
“this one’s for you y/n” 
you could of died right then and there and would of been so happy 
your thoughts were going over drive 
is this minho confessing to you?
does this mean he likes you?
what about chan?
just as if chan was reading your mind
chan whispered into your ear soothingly while squeezing your hand lightly
“y/n it’s okay i approve”
it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off your shoulder and you couldn’t help but beam at him as the lights dimmed 
except for the lights on minho
he started to dance to the music 
his voice was gorgeous much better than when he was screaming at the top of his lungs singing “APPLE BOTTOM JEANS BOOTS WITH THE FUR” at 3am
the lyrics and his beautiful dance moves went perfectly together but they also literally told the story of the two of you 
from you only being his best friend’s little sister 
to the one who wore his t shirts and got mad when he ate your cereal
to a girl who he wanted to get to know more
then to a girl who was like his best friend who he flirted with
finally to being the only girl he’s ever been in love with 
just hearing the story of the two of you and the fact your brother approved of you and even helped produced the song
emotions overwhelmed you and you couldn’t help but cry just as the dance ended
you were completely frozen but chan gave you a small amused smile and pushed you towards the stage 
and that’s all it took
you sprinted up there as fast as you could 
just as the lights turned on everyone saw you sprinting into minho’s arms
then he let out the most heart warming laugh as he spun your around into his arms 
as you clung onto him like he was your life line crying into his shoulder while laughing at the same time
everyone was cheering and wolf whistling 
he put you down gently 
and carefully tucked your hair behind your ear and tried to wipe your tears
“hey you okay?” minho says with an amused but soft smile
you just nod trying to stop crying but failing miserably
thank the lord you didn’t wear mascara 
he laughs sweetly at you 
“oh come on stop crying you look ugly when you cry” he says jokingly
“HEY!” you protest hitting him on the arm
“nah you’re always pretty” he says giving you a wink
“lee minho STOP FLIRTING WITH ME” you indignantly say 
“why? isn’t your boyfriend supposed to flirt with you?” he says smirking wigging his eyebrows
“i-i y-you m-my b-boyfriend?” you splutter out trying to process what he said 
he rolls his eyes but secretly he loves every moment of this
“yes idiot do i have to make it any clearer to you?” 
you’re just frozen still trying to process what the actual fuck was happening
“i guess i have to” minho says leaning forward smirking just before kissing you
and suddenly
minho’s lips was on yours
and you just completely melted into him
every crevice of your body perfectly fit with his
his arms were snug around your waist bringing you as close to him as physically possible
one of your hands was on the back of his neck bringing his lips closer to yours
while the other hand was lightly grabbing his hair messing it up 
fireworks, sparks, butterflies 
you felt all of it
the kiss was hot, passionate, sweet and steamy
kissing minho felt like the most natural thing to do in the world 
you just couldn’t get enough of him
but both of you finally parted remembering you both needed to actually breathe
foreheads together still hugging with heavy breathing and wide grins 
you could hear several of the guys commenting from the front row amongst the even louder cheers and applause
“EWWWWWWWWWWWWW” jeongin says squirming 
“GET A ROOM” chan shouts
“disgusting” seungmin shouts rolling his eyes
“wow i’m jealous minho will you be my boyfriend” jisung jokingly not says
you two barely even noticed what was happening 
you were so wrapped up in your own little bubble just the two of you 
“took you long enough boyfriend” you teased smiling 
“i know i was worth the wait princess” minho cockily says finishing his sentence with his signature smirk and another heart melting kiss 
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my gif take with creds!!
finally back with a scenario!! I have so many wips and requests I just needed to take a break from them and just let myself write. the result this fuckboy au!! i hope you enjoyed all the flirting, banter, and humor (these sort of scenarios are my fav to write). also requests are always open!! (this doesn’t mean i’ll 100% do it i might turn down your idea or write it!!)
as always don’t be afraid to leave me a message, a request or an anon!!! i always love hearing from you guys and getting your thoughts, feelings and feedback!!
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+ happy birthday minho!! i love you a lot bundle boy, your smirk always makes my heart melt, your laugh always makes me smile and i love your personality so so much. from your playful, savage, funny, affectionate, caring nature towards the members to your hard working, dedicated and professional attitude towards being an idol. but most of all i always love seeing you dance and being happy.
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Text
Survey #252
my personal laptop has to be fixed, so therefore i don’t have games to play, so expect plenty of these to pass the time lmao.
Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you’d get? No, not that I remember. Have you ever confronted someone about using too much chat-speak? ??? No??? Have you ever revealed someone’s secret, after promising not to tell? No. Secrets are one thing I'm very serious about respecting. What is one emotion that you experience regularly? STRESS, MOTHERFUCKER. Describe the last major change you made concerning your hairstyle? Lopped it all off, lmao. It's been like, two years now though. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? It feels like my friend Alex. She's kinda just... left me hanging for months. I think she's active online, but not with me, despite reaching out. She's also deleted her b.net account or just removed me from her friends list, idk. Absolutely nothing seems like it would've prompted that, though. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? I was going to say no, but the last person's answer inspired mine to yes; like, I'm not going to go talk to people with some crazy or offensive shit on their shirts, nor am I going to just go walk up to someone covered in blood. Name one embarrassing activity that you take part in? I don't know. Like I say enough I'm VERY self-conscious of revealing I RP, but only because I'm sensitive to how the person will respond. I'm in no way like, ashamed I do it. I'm just terrified of judgment over something "unusual." Ever been told that you can’t understand love due to your age? Not that I remember. I only claimed to "get it" (to my recollection) at a point in mine and Jason's relationship, and I very legitimately would've guffawed at and honestly nearly slapped you if you claimed I "didn't understand" love. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? THE PINK ONES. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I act more like myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? No. Who is the fakest person in your life right now? I don't keep those people in my life. Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds? As a kiddo. When someone’s constantly negative, how do you deal with it? It depends on the person, but ALMOST in all cases, I really really try to support the person as best I can. It may start to bring me a bit down, but I feel I'm just like... hardwired to help those I love. I think it's what my relationship with Jason did, as he left because he couldn't handle my depression anymore, and with how that absolutely and utterly annihilated me, I don't want anyone else to feel that pain. Now, for people I don't have much of a bond with, it's easier for me to say "I'm sorry, but I can't handle this right now," but even then, I prefer to help. Does Christmas make you feel like a kid again? No. I'm really most excited for aunt reasons, lol. Do you have any artistic talent? Some. Would you ever shoplift from a store if you knew you wouldn’t be caught? Absolutely not. When one of your pets dies, how do you react? Usually cry. I've only ever not done so if I hadn't at all formed a bond with the animal. When you go to the movies, where in the theater do you sit? Close to the front, in the middle. When was the last time you lost your appetite? I don’t know. Have you ever neglected to take care of yourself? Er. Quite badly during '16, in the depth of my depression. I'll just say my teeth are kinda yellow because of it. I want to whiten my teeth at some point if I can afford that kind of luxury. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? In RP, the most recent section being written now is my main protagonists receiving a visit from their allies before getting their asses torn up the next day lmao. After a fight, who apologizes first - you, or the other person? Usually me, but it does depend. If I genuinely feel I didn't do jackshit wrong, no, I'm not apologizing. When you’re feeling creative, what do you do? Write. Do you mind being in your house alone overnight? Not really by now. Done so a number of times. Are there any dreams you remember from childhood? Nightmares, yes, and one very realistic dream. What worries you most about death? Not knowing what happens afterwards. Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970s or earlier? I love The Munsters, I Love Lucy, The Beverly Hillbillies, and The Addams Family. I'm sure there's more, considering I liked to watch stuff with my mom as a kid. Who’s your celebrity crush(es)? HHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Ever been to a rave? No. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? I don't really do that. Like I'll vent about people occasionally, but "talk shit" seems like the wrong word. I don't like gossiping. Are you a jealous person? Envious, rather, sometimes. I get VERY envious when it comes to photography, but otherwise, I don't feel it much. Who do you text the most out of your friends? Sara is like the only friend I text, lol. What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public?
 Honestly, call an authority. I don't fuck with that. I'm not watching it happen. How often do you play video games? What are some of your favourites?
 I played World of Warcraft daily until my laptop took a shit. Need to get that fixed. Now I play actual video games very rarely... but mostly just because you can only replay the same ole game so many times before you've had enough of it for like a year. There are a great number of new games I want to play, though. I want a PS4 soooo badly. What are a few things that get on your nerves when it comes to Facebook (or your social networking site of choice)?
 More than anything, posting something that's crying for attention only for the person to be like "ugh I don't wanna talk about it." Then don't fucking post it. What are three things you’ve started to like lately? I feel like I haven't found new interests in a long time... Wait! I do feel The Handmaid's Tale and the Wings of Fire book Sara lent me have revived my love of reading! :') I want to go to the book store when I can and get both the new sequel to THT and the next WoF book. What was the last reason for having butterflies in your stomach?
 *shrug* Do you need a lot of space in relationships, or are you happy to spend a lot of time with your SO?
 I need SOME alone time, but for the most part I love being together. Once we're really close, anyway. What was the last thing you cooked from scratch? Scrambled eggs. Have you ever won anything from those games in arcades?
 Yeah. Funny story, there was this one time my sister won a stuffed duck from a claw machine, and it was the one I wanted after trying many times, and I cried so hard that one of the employees literally got one out for me lmfao. I probably still have it in the attic. When was the last time you went out to a fair?
 Not since right before the breakup. How far is the nearest zoo or wildlife park from your house? Do you go often?
 Like, two hours. We almost never go because of the distance. Are either one of your parents retired? If not, what do they do for a living?
 No. My dad's been a mailman all my life, and Mom is currently on disability because she has cancer and obviously can't work because of chemotherapy and all that. She was a pharmacy tech, though. If you could change one physical trait about yourself, what would it be?
 Can all this weight like vanish please. Have you ever gone out with someone you didn’t like?
 ????? Why would I do that???? Well, I didn't yet like-like Tyler because we hadn't been reunited as friends long enough; dating was kinda like... a dumb way to re-get to know each other? Thank fuck that was only two weeks. Would you ever take a bullet for your significant other? I'm single. Would you ever work at a fast food restaurant?
 No. History shows I can't work with people. Are you good at haunted houses, or do you scream your head off?
 AHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! If you’ve seen it, what did you think of the Twilight movie?
 I never watched them. Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck on a frozen pole?
 No. Are you a cat or a dog person?
 Cat. Does the movie Titanic make you cry?
 Ha ha, yes. I watched it on movie day while at the psych hospital and all of us were lil bitches almost sobbing, lol. Because it's a long movie, it went past our allotted time, but the nurses decided to let us finish it because we were so into it. I do have some good memories from those times... Do you think that fat people should wear skinny jeans? I think people can wear whatever the fuck they want without fear of judgment. Do you prefer game systems like Xbox, or older ones like Super Nintendo? The former. Do you enjoy indie music? Yep! What is the most strange piercing you’ve ever seen? Those ones people were getting on their fingers instead of rings... just huh. What do you do when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store? Look around, I guess. Think. What is your favourite beach to go to? I haven't been to enough to know. Have you ever been to a country club? No. Have you ever seen an animal die in real life? Too many times. Animals have been euthanized in my arms, and a kitten slowly died in my hands once. One of the most heartbreaking things I have ever experienced. Teddy accidentally punctured its lungs or broke ribs, I think, or something like that. I'm pretty sure he was trying to bring it back to its siblings because it wandered off, but he held it too tightly. I was home alone, too. It was fucking awful. Do you live on a Rd, St, Blvd, Ln, Way, or Ave? Road. Do you have naked pictures of someone saved on your phone? No. Would you ever go see an opera? Bitch I played Parasite Eve, I don't trust that shit. But seriously, no, not my scene. Do you own anything John Deere? No. Do you have a push mower or a mower that you ride on? Neither. A friend mows for us; he has the latter. What is the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic for? No clue. I think during a trip to New York. Would you consider joining the air force, army, etc? No. Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Dylan. I thought he was super cute and cool. What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? I dunno. Who did you idolize growing up? Steve Irwin. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? No. Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? Best: English. Worst: math. Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. Writing poetry. Drawing. Do you like to get your nails done? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT. Do you like to wear dresses? Hell no with my current body. Do you like any ‘manly’ activities like hunting, fishing, or camping? I find fishing to be fun and relaxing, but because of morals, I can't stomach doing it anymore. What was the name of your first boyfriend? First with the title, Aaron. First *real* boyfriend, Jason. Your first kiss? Jason. Are you still with either of those people from the last 2 questions? No. Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? Ha ha no. I think. What is your longest relationship to date? Three years, 7-8 months. I don't remember if the breakup was in August or September. Who ended the last relationship you were in? It was kinda like... mutual-ish, but moreso her. Have you ever gotten back with an ex? No. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Do you cry during romantic movies? Sometimes. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Have you ever been used? I don't think so romantically, but in other ways, I know I have been. Have you ever felt violated? Yes. Do you like when a guy takes you by surprise and kisses you? Not everyone likes guys, so what an assumption. But anyway, only if we're very serious and have heavy trust in one another. Do you ever leave the house without makeup? Pretty much always. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Been a few years. What kind of gift can win you over? BITCH buy me something Mark-related and you earn like 20 points. Has anyone ever sung to you? Yes. Do you like massages? Depends on who you are. In almost any case, no. They're awkward. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. Do you sleep naked? No. Is smoking a turn-off? Yes. Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss? No. When was the last time you spent the night at someone else’s house? When I was at Sara's a year or so back. What is one food you always crave? Ice cream. Are you an exercise freak? Hunny- What scares you more, spiders or snakes? Snakes don't scare me, so spooders. Do you expect to be married in the next two years? No. Would you ever get implants? Nah. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s sibling? No. Are you more of a 'girly girl’ or a 'tomboy’? A tomboy. Have you ever dated someone with a child? No. Are you addicted to texting? No.
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saviormysticmeme · 5 years
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Hello! Can you write about MC who is a popular you tuber and is live streaming a horror game. They then get jumped scared, shrieks, and Jumin/Jaehee/Yoosung run in to see what's wrong and MC's like "oh hey babe" and the comment section goes WILD when they discover that they have a lover. How would they each respond to the shriek and the comments is basically what I'm asking. Sorry that this is long af I'm just excited to see what you'll write! :D Thank you a million times
I love this ask so much tbh. I tried writing for it before and just didn’t love it so it never got posted.
Yoosung/Jaehee/Jumin with a Lets Player MC
Yoosung:
“KYAAAAAAAAAA”
He heard it from downstairs and nearly fell out of his gaming chair. The second he heard it, pure adrenaline pumped through him and as he tumbled to the floor in attempts to get up so fast, he pushed off and used it all as momentum, sprinting for the stairs.
“MC!?” He shouted as he bear ran up the stairs and thrust himself into your occasionally shared bedroom. 
Hearing the door open behind you, in addition to the monster on your screen, only succeeded in scaring you more, and thus you let another “AHHHHHHHHH” rip from your mouth. This violent reaction from you in turn scared Yoosung and he “WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”.
There was a few seconds of the both of you screaming before, suddenly, almost in unison. You both stopped.
“…MC?”
“Is everything alright Yoosung?”“Me?! I should be asking you! I heard you scream.”“Oh…yeah I’m playing.” To which you rolled your chair a little sideways to point at the many zombies swarming your computer screen. “Wait are you…streaming!?!? You never told me!!!” Yoosung looked surprised, which quickly turned to a bit of deflation at the thought you were hiding this from him.“Well I usually just do horror games…and like weird dating sims. But I never wanted to make you feel obligated to wat-” and with that you noticed the streeeeaaaam of comments popping up in the video feed
Who is that
Omg is that MCPlays boyfriend??
He’s so cute!!
Wait a second that looks like a guy I play LOLOL with….
They’re so cute
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND
Stream together? Please? You guys seem cute.
Oooooo Lovers quarrel 
Omg he’s so cute.
KISS, KISS, KISS
You saw all the comments and started twiddling your hair between your thumbs. “Aha, Yoosung, I think we have fans.”
“Wha…” As Yoosung began reading over your shoulders, he began turning very, very, red.
Jaehee
“HELP!” Jaehee’s eyes went wide as she heard the shout. She put her coffee and book down and began hastily walking towards your door. Last she heard you were playing video games, so shouting wasn’t out of the ordinary, but this one made her a little anxious and she felt she had to check.“MC?” She cautiously stuck her head in. You turned to look at her from your computer.“Babe! Sorry! I tried to keep it down but this one hoard took me by surprise…” You shot her an apologetic look. 
Jaehee gave you a soft smile, assuring you that she wasn’t upset. In case you weren’t positive, she followed up with “Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?”
“Ooooooh! Coffee please?” You got excited at the prospect of her home brewed coffee. 
Jaehee nodded and slipped back out the door.Once she had the coffee ready she brought it back upstairs, but this time you were mid round, she could tell by the look on your face so she walked over to you to set the coffee down, and that’s when she noticed the endless stream of comments. “MC? Are all these people on your team?”“Huh? Haha, no! They’re just watching me play.”“People…just watch?”“Yeah. Viewers, this is my girlfriend Jaehee, Jaehee, these are the Viewers. Say hi!”The brunette leaned over your shoulder, a bit of a deer in the headlights look as she saw her face pop up on screen. She hadn’t even realized you had the face cam on. Then she really started noticing what the comments were saying.
DID MC JUST SAY ‘GIRLFRIEND’
Whoa wait youre….?
That’s so cute! You two are so cute! And she brings you coffee? Ugh. Goals.
Does she know anything about video games? You guys should play together.
UGH THEYRE BOTH SO HOT IT ISNT FAIR
Hi Jaehee! Nice to meet you!
She has a really soothing voice…is that weird to say?
Both of you look so good together ahhhhh
“O-Oh.” Jaehee raised a light hand. “Hi Viewers.”Only to chuckle as the chat exploded even more and blush when she heard your charming laugh.
Jumin
“OH GOD” followed by what sounded like a muffled string of cusses assaulted Jumin’s ears from within his home office. His eyes shot up, but he was frozen for half a second as so many scenarios ran through his head. He shoved his chair back and briskly walked to your room, asking “MC? Are you alright?”The cusses sounded more angry than scared, so he wondered if you hurt yourself. However, you didn’t seem to hear him and thus didn’t respond, putting a little more pace in his step.
 He swung the door to your computer room open, and you didn’t even seem to notice thanks to those damn noise cancelling headphones you got. Hell you didn’t even seem to notice how dark it had gotten. The room was almost entirely dark aside from the computer glow illuminating your sides from the front. He sighed, at least you were ok. Though you still were muttering swears like a sailor under your breath.Unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend stood behind you, about to stride up and tap you on the shoulder.Unbeknownst to your viewers, the man behind you in a black suit was not about to kill you.
MC THERES SOMEONE IN YOUR ROOM
MC TURN AROUND
Who is that guy??
Is this a joke or something…MC this is scary
MC turn around
Should someone call the police
You caught a few of the comments out of the corner of your eye, and at first you thought they were yelling about something in the game, but when your eyes trailed to your camera feed…
“AH HOLY SHIT “ You jumped up and whirled around on the man behind you, doing it so fast the headphones were pulled off your head, your chair was nearly knocked over, the whole desk rattled, and-
Click.
Jumin flicked the light on, his face also showing he was mildly jarred by the last couple seconds.
You just held your hand to your heart for a moment and leaned against the desk. “Oh my��oh my god Jumin. Don’t sneak up on me like that.”
“Sneak up on you?” He approached you slowly, any irritation he had before about you not hearing him melted as he saw your scared face. He just wanted to comfort you now, and he tried by sliding his hands onto the sides of your face and steadying you. “I was just coming to check on you and you were here in the dark. And yelling.”Looking into his eyes, you felt the previous tension in your body start to relax, and you let yourself lean into your boyfriend’s hands as a smile crawled onto your face. “I’m sorry. I must have gotten carried away playing the game.”
“The game?” Jumin looked at your computer to see it had a game on screen….but it also had video feed of you two right now! “Are you recording your reaction?”
Him saying that snapped you back into the reality that there were a few tens of thousands of people watching you two right now, and you pulled away from Jumin, a little embarrassed by the accidental PDA. 
“Oh, yeah sort of. I’m live streaming. So people are watching me play right now and commenting…. They also probably saw everything that just happened haha.” You turned from Jumin and leaned closer to your camera “Sorry about that everyone! Didn’t mean to scare!”And your eyes trailed to the commentsIS THAT JUMIN FUCKING HAN
MC ARE YOU DATING HAN JUMIN
no fucking way
iz thiz a collab??/?/
Is…Is C&R promoting themselves on a Lets Play channel?
WHO IS THAT HES HOT AS FUCK
this is the hottest couple alive and im glad im bi
so this wasnt a prank?????
Omg this whole scare was so funny
He seems so serious…please make him play with you.You couldn’t help but laugh at the mixed reactions. 
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ehc-on-ao3 · 5 years
Text
Silent Bay, a Life Is Strange horror AU
(My brain just wouldn’t leave video game horror AUs alone, apparently. So here's something partially inspired by Silent Hill and Fatal Frame.)
WARNING: long post because I hate the Read More thing.
Max Caulfield. Average student. Talented as fuck photographer. Returns to Arcadia Bay to find her best friend, Chloe, who she was forced to abandon when her family moved to Seattle. Sounds simple, right? Except, her parents are dead-set against it. Like, insanely so. Way more than parents being protective, at least, that's what Max thinks. Still, Max is resourceful. So, one morning, instead of her school supplies, Max stuffs her messenger bag full of supplies, camera included, and after getting dropped off at her high school, sneaks away, uses cash to buy a bus ticket, and makes her way South. According to her phone, the trip should take around 5 or so hours, more than long enough get to Arcadia Bay without her parents suspecting anything.
Strangeness #1: the bus doesn't actually go to Arcadia Bay. She has to get off at the closest stop to the town, then walk. She gets plenty of strange looks from others when she asks for directions to Arcadia Bay, enough to make her feel weirded out, but after a quick meal, she starts on her way. She's way too close to Chloe to turn back now.
Outside the diner, a kind man offers her a ride. His name is Samuel and he works as a janitor at Blackwell Academy, Arcadia Bay's private school. Lovely campus with lots of friendly animals, like squirrels, birds, and deer. When Max asks about the students and teachers, Samuel's answer is odd: animals have only one face and it always looks towards the light. People would do well to learn that lesson.
Samuel takes Max to Blackwell Academy and they part ways. Max is fine with her destination: since she doesn't remember much about Arcadia Bay, she decides to ask around here for clues to Chloe's whereabouts and address. Maybe she was a student here? Strangeness #2: no students are in the main building. No faculty or staff, either. All the faculty doors are locked, though the classrooms are all open. Is school out already? But even if it was, why is it so empty?
Max notices a ton of Missing Person flyers around, all for one girl: Rachel Amber. Many are defaced, which saddens Max. Uncertain why, she snaps a photo of one of the flyers and puts it away, then walks outside.
Nightfall rolls around much quicker than she anticipated. As empty as the campus feels, it's downright scary now. Not to mention the fog that starts to roll in. Damn, what's with this weather? Thank dog she has her hoodie on. Max sees a nearby building that has some lights on and figures she'll investigate there, too, before trying to find a hotel but something stops her. Movement. In the thick fog. Between her and the building. Instinct has her turning away, maybe to hide in the campus building, but there's more movement coming from that building, too. She hurries to the parking lot, hoping beyond hope to find Samuel there.
Strangeness #3: Max finds Samuel's car but it's in bad shape. Flat tire, dirt covering the windows, like it hasn't been driven in months. Which is impossible since she was just in it an hour ago. But no time to think about that now. Something is approaching her. Max stumbles backwards as a misshapen figure shambles towards her. Max is freaking out when out of the blue, a beat up pickup truck barrels into the lot and brakes near Max. The driver hurries Max inside and together, they peel away.
The driver is, of course, Chloe, who is both elated and pissed that Max is here. Why the fuck did she come back to this shit hole when she actually managed to escape? Max reveals her memories are Swiss cheese (phone numbers, addresses, most everything is fragmented at best) but she never forgot Chloe. As soon as she recalled the name of her former home town, she had to come back. For her.
What happens next? I have some ideas:
Chloe reveals that she's been searching all around this fucking town for Rachel, her girlfriend. They swore to one another that they'd finally escape together but she disappeared 6 months ago. Everyone else may have given up on her but Chloe knows, just knows, that Rachel's still around somewhere.
Max withdraws her photo of Rachel's missing person poster and, to her horror, realizes the photo is different. Rachel's face is crying, desperate, and all the text has been replaced by nonsensical phrases, though one thing does stand out: RACHEL IN THE DARK ROOM. She and Chloe are freaked but this is also a possible clue. Chloe begs for Max's help, who agrees.
The next morning, Chloe takes Max to Two Whales for breakfast. They eat, talk a bit more. Max reveals that her parents fought tooth and nail to keep her from coming back, though they never explained their reasons. Max suddenly realizes that she hasn't received a call or a text from them and checks her phone. Strangeness #4: there's nothing from her parents. At all. But three messages from an unknown number. Except they're all blank. Max, remembering what happened with the poster, snaps a photo of the messages. Once it's developed, both Chloe and Max are shocked by what it reveals.
Chloe takes Max to the junkyard, hoping that Max's magic camera will reveal more clues about Rachel's whereabouts. Unfortunately, an unnatural fog rolls in, plunging Chloe and Rachel's old hideout into twilight. A weird creature attacks but before they're killed, Max accidentally presses the shutter button on her camera, snapping a photo of the creature, which vanishes. The fog rapidly dissipates.
The two notice that every time they look at the photo of the creature, it shifts position. They theorize that it's trapped in the confines of the photo and is trying to find a way out. Chloe breaks out a cigarette lighter and burns the photo to ash, destroying the creature. Both feel something in the environment itself shift.
At Max's suggestion, the two head to Blackwell. Max hopes to snap some photos and possibly get clues here. They make their way to the dorms (the building that had lights on the previous evening) and bump into Kate, who seems to know more about what going on in Arcadia Bay. The three talk and share info. Max and Chloe ask her to join them in their search and for her own protection but she declines. She has to stay: her faith is the only reason the dorm is safe and she must pray nightly to keep the creatures at bay. The other students rely on her for their continued survival. When Max asks how long she's been doing this, Kate reveals she doesn't remember.
Night falls and it's too late to head back to Chloe's house, so they have to stay in the dorms with Kate and the others. Strangeness #5: the scattered students [insert your faves here] all remember going to class like everything is normal, but once the final bell rings at 4:00 PM, they suddenly recall where they are. None of them remember how long they've been in Arcadia Bay or Blackwell but do know that there used to be quite a few more students than there is now, presumably taken/eaten by those creatures.
Everyone has tried to leave at some point but because they're stuck in that weird time looped amnesia, they never remember to try sooner than 4:00 PM and can't make it out of the town's borders before night falls. Kate is partially immune to this effect but instead of trying to escape, opts to keep the dorms stocked on supplies as best she can throughout the day, knowing that no one can do so in the evening without getting attacked. Thankfully, since that weird loop also includes lunch in the cafeteria, no one is in danger of starving.
Max snaps a photo of the whole group of students/survivors. The resulting photo is...
When Max reveals she's originally from Arcadia Bay but moved to Seattle, it shocks the fuck out of everyone. She escaped? HOW?! She doesn't know. She doesn't remember. But when she says she's come back for Chloe, everyone laments, with a couple of people raging. Max is stuck now. She has a reason to stay in Arcadia Bay, so now she's stuck. Chloe has a reason so stay, Rachel, so she's stuck. Same with Kate. Same with [insert people here] for their individual reasons. And whatever is keeping them from accomplishing their goals is preventing them from escaping. A couple of them are about to get violent before Kate shouts for their attention. She needs silence for her prayers; otherwise, they're all dead. Everyone goes quiet and, as Kate prays, most of them try to get some sleep.
(If this were a horror movie, monsters would break in right about now and kill many of them, with the survivors blaming Max, then probably try to capture her to sacrifice to the town for their own survival. However, this isn't a horror movie, so we'll kindly skip that part.)
Perhaps there's a moment here where one of them approaches Max while everyone else is sleeping and asks her to get a message to her family when she manages to escape again. She's convinced she's not going to make it. But Max, she's done so once. She'll do it again.
The next morning, Max and Chloe awake to find it's just them and Kate. Everyone else is already in class. No, it doesn't make sense because it's too early for classes, and Saturday, but Arcadia Bay's doesn't follow logic. She cautions the two not to enter the main campus during “school hours” as they'll likely get shuffled into class by well-meaning teachers to not be tardy, and find themselves actual students, trapped in Blackwell's vicious cycle. Chloe jokes that’s a fate worse than death.
Max reveals her photo of Rachel to Kate, and also explains how she destroyed one of the creatures earlier. There is a way to fight back, after all. Kate is elated as this will give the others hope and promises to look for another instant film camera as they already know phone cameras don't work. The two exchange phone #s to keep in contact.
Kate goes her own way while Max and Chloe continue their investigation. Max snaps a photo of Rachel's old room but it reveals nothing. She snaps another photo of the boys' dorm hall and notices something off about one of the doors. They go to investigate Room 111 and are attacked again by a creature within the room. They're able to banish it as well, though Chloe is hurt in the process.
The two search the room for physical clues and Max snaps a photo for metaphysical ones as well. They uncover a name, Prescott, the apparent previous occupant of the room. Max's photo isn't of the room at all but appears blank. It's only when they go outside into the sunlight that the photo changes, revealing the exterior of an old, dilapidated barn.
Chloe takes them back to her house, where she breaks out a first aid kit to treat her injuries. Max helps. They talk about everything they've found so far. Chloe takes something for the pain and passes out.
Max texts Kate and explains what happened and what they found. Kate replies that room 111 belonged to Nathan Prescott and should've been one of the student survivors but now doesn't recall seeing him around. She also recalls there was a huge party at the Prescott barn about 6 months ago. Max asks for the location. Kate promises to ask around and tell her ASAP.
Afterwards, Max checks her phone. Still nothing from her parents. But texting does work, right? She texts them instead but receives no response.
Max has a strange thought and texts the unknown number, asking for directions to the Prescott barn. She receives an empty message in response. Max tries to take a photo but is out of film. Thank God it isn't an emergency! She puts in a fresh pack of film and takes the photo, which turns out to be numbers 45.496698 and -123.894625, which doesn't mean anything to Max. She texts these numbers to Kate, explaining it might have something to do with the barn but doesn't know what they mean. Kate doesn't know, either, but she'll ask Warren or Brooke after class, as they might know.
Near 4:00, Chloe wakes up. She's upset that Max let her sleep so long but Max tells her she was hurt and needed the rest. Kate texts back: the numbers are coordinates. Max pulls up the numbers on a map app but it refuses to load. Chloe tries and gets something. Max quickly snaps a photo with her camera. A moment later, Chloe's phone sparks, smokes, and dies. Chloe and Max are shocked but Max's photo has the map. Chloe can get them there.
Chloe rushes to leave right away. Max tries to stop her, saying it's close to dark and really dangerous. Chloe is too close to finding Rachel, though, and is unable to wait. Max tells her she only has one camera and only so much film left. Chloe pauses, then bolts upstairs, returning a moment later with her father's old instant camera and a spare pack of film. They're as armed as they're going to be and Chloe isn't going to wait another day, so Max joins her in the truck and together, they race to the Prescott barn.
What happens next? I have no idea. Hadn't thought that far ahead. But, food for thought:
The people of Arcadia Bay are also stuck in a loop, the ones that are left, anyway. They go about the echoes of their former lives and, unless someone thinks about it really hard, no one notices. This is why Joyce and David never appear at Chloe's house. Joyce is always found at the diner, David always at Blackwell. Always.
Who or what was Samuel? A fragment of the town wanting to snare Max back in? A spirit trying to warn her of the dangers of the night? Both?
How did Max escape? Why don't her parents text her? Did she actually escape?
Why did Chloe show up exactly on time, when Max needed help the most?
Chloe said Rachel disappeared 6 months ago. There was a party at the barn 6 months ago. But time is weird in Arcadia Bay. Was it really 6 months? Was it much longer? Was it much shorter?
What do Max's other photos reveal?
Who or what is Kate? Just a selfless Christian who wants to do the right thing? A literal angel?
What do Chloe and Max find at the barn?
What is Rachel's role, if any, in the horror that is Arcadia Bay?
Once Rachel is rescued, can everyone escape?
What happens if Max snaps a photo of the campus building and burns that photo? What if she snaps a photo of the entire town from the lighthouse and burns that?
At the end, Max takes a celebratory photo of herself, Chloe, and Rachel. What does it reveal? Does she show it to the others or does she hide it?
I give permission to anyone out there to write this if you so desire. I doubt I’m getting to it this year.
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clarkgriffon · 5 years
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The 100 Ask Game
I was tagged by @foreverandalwayscrysis​ @loveisalwayswise​ @hostagetakerandhistraitor​ @talistheintrovert​ aka four of my true loves
1. What Station on the Ark would you be from? Alpha because I’m a fancy bitch
2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? God... probably something dumb. Maybe stealing food? But not out of desperation, because I wanted like lemon cake or some dumb shit.
3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? No chance. I’m a rule follower through and through.
4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) A zebra
5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? Wells BABEY.
6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Clarke, Bellamy, Monty, Harper, and Miller.
7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to? Maybe Trishanakru. A humble farmer.
8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? uhhh... i don’t know. Mira doesn’t really have any way to clip it to sound more grounder-y. So probably just Mira.
9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. I don’t like Finn as a dude, but I controversially enjoyed the writing of his character in season 1. He’s such a dick, but he’s a well-written dick. Like, we ALL know that guy, and they really hit the nail on the head of “guy who THINKS he’s the nice guy.” I think they botched his character in S2 and completely went sideways with it (much like Zeke in 6x01).
10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? Probably... pretty willing. Putting myself in the position of a character on the show, knowing something could take away my pain, yeah, I’d be tempted. As a person with multiple mental illnesses, the allure of a magical solution to all pain and misery sounds nice.
11. What character do you relate to most? Clarke, no doubt. I see so many similarities to myself in her.
12. What character do you like the least? In terms of well written villains, where I hate them but it’s because they wrote them so well I had to hate them, Pike. In terms of characters I just dislike because they suck, E/cho.
13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) Leggings, athletic shoes, black tank top, maybe a jean jacket like Harper’s in S5.
14. Favorite type of mutant animal? Like... in the show? We didn’t really see that many. Just the sea monster, the worms, the random gorilla, and the deer. So, I guess the deer.
15. What would your job be on the Ark? Maybe a teacher like Pike but not evil.
16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? No, I’m so squeamish.
17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? Probably Indra.
18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? Who knows, I’d be tripping, but hopefully I’d get some awesome lines like “anti-grounder stick” and “the most beautiful broom.”
19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach? I don’t think I’d be in a leadership position to make the choice, but I don’t believe in the death penalty so probably more like Bellamy. 
20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone? I guess it depends at what time. Abby in season 1 made sense. OH. Sinclair. Sinclair should’ve been the Chancellor.
21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis? Kane. I so would’ve joined Harper/Miller/Kane’s Rebel Squad.
22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s iPod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there? Probably the iPod, or any sort of game that could be a time-passer.
23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? No tattoos, but heavy eyeliner (not Lexa level, but a heavy blake eye shadow and black wing). Probably just hair down for my grounder!look. If it was an Ark look, I’d do half-up half-down like Clarke in S1.
24. Favorite quote? God, I can’t choose. “I bear it so they don’t have to,” “May we meet again,” “Be the good guys,” “It’s an anti-grounder stick,” among many.
25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? I think Lincoln has a really good shot. People like Roan, Lexa, and Luna would be careers. But I feel like Lincoln would be a random middle-tier district and then be an under-the-radar threat till he won.
26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non-canon ship?
Least favorite: B/echo
Favorite canon ship: Marper
Favorite non-canon: Bellarke
27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? I’m a huge Kesha fan, so a Kesha song would be nice. Also, I feel like “New Religion” by Alice Smith gives me HUGE S6 vibes and I’ve never been able to pinpoint why. As for a guest star, maybe an actor/singer double threat like Selena Gomez or Hilary Duff.
28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? Chill, not watch the video over and over again like Murphy. Maybe try to learn chess? There was a chess table, right? It had amenities, so I’d probably just lounge.
29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die? I’m a random delinquent running around like Roma or Monroe and the grounders spear me. I’m mentioned once when Clarke asks Bellamy, “Where’s Mira?” and he just shakes his head because I’m dead. Never again mentioned.
30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? I desperately want Jordan flashbacks to see how his life was growing up with Harper and Monty. Speaking of Harper, I want to know EVERYTHING about Harper’s life even though I know we never will :(
31. A character you’d bang? Clarke, Bellamy, Harper.
32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden? Live in Eden, no doubt. That’s definitely the most bearable option. 
33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground? I probably would’ve had to? Dissenting would’ve gotten me thrown in the pit.
34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits? Badmouthing Blodreina and getting caught and reported.
35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with? Monty and Harper would be my best friends, I don’t think I’d even speak to E/cho.
36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? Two weeks. Maybe a month.
37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do? Run. Like. Hell.
38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite? Diyoza... is there any other answer?
39. Would you Spacewalk? Hell yeah, I’d Emori the heck out of it.
40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat? Algae. Whoever picks meat, I’m judging you.
41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it? No, because as Clarke and Monty said many times, that’s a dumb fucking idea!! I’d make... peace... Find a compromise.
42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes? Can I pick none? I guess the worms because at least them I’m helping someone.
43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? Is my sister a psycho murderer? If so, then yeah. 
44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper? Cryo.
45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet? Clarke, Bellamy, and Miller.
I think most people have done this so I’ll just say, whoever hasn’t feel free to say I tagged you
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thataspdfeel · 7 years
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that book list I promised
//rubs my grubby hands together happily
Boy howdy do I ever have some book recommendations. This would’ve been posted earlier but mobile decided to go fuck itself. Just a heads up, this is gonna be long
I mostly read series because tbh teen fiction is some of the best. It tends to take the most risks with both style and characterization. (Granted, it also tends to fall risk to some of the worst tropes imo like abuse stalker creepy guy is hot cause he loves protag)
Anything Garth Nix has ever written in his whole life. He’s one of my favorite authors and tends to stick to series. Keys to the Kingdom is 7 books and the first is Mister Monday and you read in order of the days of the week. No really. You’ll see why. His Old Kingdom series is 5 books and a short story so far and starts with Sabriel. It’s about necromancers who keep the dead down rather than raise them. Like I have the biggest boner for this series it’s not even funny
Terry Pratchett is my absolute favorite author of all time (besides Shakespeare) and he’s written over 50 books. You don’t have to read them in any particular order but he does follow characters across books sometimes. I recommend starting with Monstrous Regiment, Small Gods, or Going Postal first. If you want to start in chronological order, I think The Colour of Magic was written first
If you’re patient, read the whole Lord of the Rings series from The Hobbit onward. Tolkien sucks his own dick and describes clouds for a whole page cause he’s a world builder kind of writer. I haven’t had a chance to try the series again but I remember enjoying The Hobbit. Just know this is a very tedious option and may result in more boredom
Less boring is The Chronicles of Narnia but there are a few books that are just an absolute bear to get through. I recommend this right after lotr because these stories are a result OF THE SAME DRUG TRIP because Clive Staples Lewis (no really that’s what CS stands for) and Tolkien were college roommates. And because Narnia is a fucking fun place to visit
George RR Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire cause it includes more detail than Game of Thrones and because I’m always a slut for kingdom musical chairs and dragons
Speaking of dragons, The Inheritance Series which is Eragon etc because it’s like lotr for people who can’t stand reading about a cloud for two pages, almost entirely action. Plus, in one of the books, they (Eragon and Saphira) do a couple of really stupid, slightly offensive things to the elves and admit their mistakes which I thought was cool cause it feels like sometimes protagonists don’t apologize in books
Chris D'Lacey also writes these REALLY COOL books about dragons called The Last Dragon Chronicles where these ladies make dragons out of clay and I’m 90% sure The Fire Within is the first book. There are at least 7 and I really need to catch up
Angie Sage writes about a boy named Septimus Heap who’s the 7th son of a 7th son and those books start with Magyk and there are at least 6 maybe 9. They’re fucking awesome and full of magic and adventure and I’m pretty sure he gets a pet dragon somewhere
Suzanne Collins also writes a lot of great stuff but I REALLY like her Gregor the Overlander series. Think Alice in Wonderland with a guy and no drugs and it’s awesome
Anything Rick Riordan has ever written in his life. I love love love the Percy Jackson series and he also wrote Children of the Lamp which is the bomb dot com about djinn children
Douglas Adams has a whole Hitchhiker’s Guide series and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is the first and it’s just bonkers and loads of fun. Basically earth gets blown up and the protagonist has to deal with it. An absolute riot
James Rollins writes the Blood Infernal series about vampires and were-beings not just werewolves. The first book is Sanguine and the protagonist’s best friend is a werewolf. The first two books don’t have much to do with each other aside from being in the same universe but book three picks up at the end of book one and ties them both together. I’m pretty sure there’s sex
I’d also recommend anything Edgar Allen Poe or Shakespeare ever wrote. I know that’s more Classical Canon or whatever the fuck but honestly? Delightful. Same sentiment for Stephen King
I can’t remember the names of all the series I’ve read but these I definitely do. So onto individual books!
I, Coriander by Sally Gardener set in 17th century London and has to do with a fairy world if I remember correctly
Fairest by Gail Carson Levine about a really ugly inn keeper’s daughter and it’s kind of a retelling of Snow White (She wrote other stand alones but I haven’t read them. Based off this, though, I’d recommend them)
Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie about a girl who immigrates from Nigeria(?) to the US and it’s just really really good
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe set in Nigeria(?) right when colonialism happens. The first part is pre-colonialism and then it gets into the beginnings of it and all this happens within the lifespan of one man. Trigger warning though for mentions of abuse, explicit child murder and explicit suicide. Like it’s a good book but it’s gonna be a rough ride if you don’t know what you’re in for
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez is good, if tedious. It’s a Latin American book so the story is circular and told in spirals. I literally have no other way to describe it. Also don’t ignore the family chart at the very beginning because people get the same names across generations and it’s absolutely hellish. Trigger warning for incest, I think rape, definitely abuse, and a baby gets eaten by ants at the end which is more gross than anything
Black Rain by Kuroi Ame is about the bombing of Hiroshima. I’m pretty sure that’s all the trigger warning you’re going to need
The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven by Sherman Alexie is a collection of short stories about various Native American characters living on a reservation
Black Elk Speaks by John G. Neihardt is about a Blackfoot medicine man who finally talks about his life but it’s less interview and more John interpreting things so this needs to be read a little critically
Lame Deer, Seeker of Visions by Richard Erdoes is a book where a Sioux medicine man talks directly to Erdoes from a Native perspective about various things from sex to politics. Was a joy to read honestly. Very enlightening
Hagakure by Yamamoto Tsunetomo basically entails the way of the bushido or the samurai code more or less. Kind of technical but I enjoyed it
Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause is about the werewolf protagonist trying to fit into her pack and figure out how to be a teenager. There’s at least one graphic mention of death (I think). It could also be suicide) so heads up
The Silver Kiss by Annette Curtis Klause is a vampire romance set in the 90′s and has absolutely nothing to do with the other book and was definitely something I loved. The protagonist watches her mother waste away from illness so avoid if that’s not something you can handle. Apparently, there are more stories (which I’d LOVE to read) and I’d recommend them just based off the two I have read
The Spook’s Apprentice by Joseph Delaney was amazing and I’ve just found out it’s a series not just a stand-alone so I know what’s going on my to-read list. It’s about an apprentice to The Spook who puts down evil things that hide in the dark. Kind of spine-tingling so if you don’t do horror, don’t read when it’s dark. It’s not horror-horror but if it’s not your thing, definitely read during the day
A Rose for Emily by William Faulkner is the only thing Faulkner ever wrote I can possibly stand. It’s a short story and the time is out of order but I still liked it
The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman is also a short story and my absolute favorite
Also not a book, but I greatly enjoy the Puritan poet Anne Bradstreet but not everybody does because 1 early American literature and 2 Puritan but that’s something if poetry is up your alley
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell is about the life of a horse set from the horse’s perspective. No seriously. With I statements and everything. I thought it was very interesting. (I was also like 8)
White Fang by Jack London is by wolves. I don’t remember much more than that because of how long ago I read it but it was probably decent since it stuck in my mind
The Whipping Boy by Sid Fleischman is about a prince’s whipping boy which is a thing because you can’t spank a prince directly so you have to punish somebody else. V interesting
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl was very enjoyable. I like Roald Dahl anyway but the concept of a chocolate factory was awesome. I also read it before I saw either movie and before the remake
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley is pretty good but skip the epistolary at the beginning and read it after if you want to spare yourself some headache
Dracula by Bram Stoker is a classic and just really fun and I can definitely see why it’s a classic
The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman was really interesting and honestly, I’d read anything that man writes after I read that
The Help by Kathryn Stockett is even better than the movie but there’s abuse mentions in it like even more so than the movie. If you haven’t seen the movie, heads up for graphic depictions of miscarriage, racial violence, and I don’t remember if the one death mentioned is graphic or not but it’s a heavy book
I’d have more but I can’t remember their damned names right now and it’s bugging me. I also have obscure video game recs because I’m one of those indie freaks. They tend to really draw me in
Also, if you like manga, I’ve read like idk how many series but a shitload and the day onemanga shut down was the day my soul died
Anyway, I hope this is fine. It isn’t even the half of what I’ve read. Like I spent almost all of my childhood reading and I enjoyed most of it. I just wish I could remember book names. Their stories are floating around in my head, just not their names. If I remember any more, I’ll probably add to this list
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trubbull · 7 years
Text
A Chance At Happiness // Chapter 4
[[Read on Archive Of Our Own]]
Rating: Explicit Category: F/M Fandom: Game Grumps Relationships: Dan Avidan/You, Dan Avidan & Reader, Suzy Berhow/Arin Hanson, Holly Conrad/Ross O'Donovan Characters: Arin Hanson, Dan Avidan, Suzy Berhow, Ross O'Donovan, Barry Kramer, Brian Wecht, Vernon Shaw, Holly Conrad Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Demons, Succubi & Incubi, Suicide Attempt, Depression, Anxiety, reader has depression and anxiety and tries to commit suicide, But it turns out okay, this will most definitely eventually include smut, i'll add tags as necessary
**[[No added tags for this chapter]]**
Summary: You're devastated after yet another bad breakup. It's happened so many times, you decide life is not worth living anymore.
You're stopped by an unconventional savior, which lands you both in hot water.
(Demon!Grumps AU. This is my first time publishing my fiction on the internet.)
Chapter 4: The Rules
“There’s a couple of ground rules if you’re going to be staying here with me, okay?”
You said this as you locked the door to your apartment. You and Dan had just arrived. Your clothes were still rather damp, and your hair was still plastered to your neck and face, leaving you very cold and a bit irritable at the moment.
Dan was standing in the center of your living area, hands in his pockets as he looked at you. “Understandable. Lay ‘em on me.”
You shed your coat as you spoke, hoping that by shedding the wet layers of clothing you would be able to feel the warmth of your apartment. You were about to speak to Dan when it occurred to you that he looked completely dry. He had resumed hiding his form after demonstrating his true form to you in your car, wearing jeans that looked brand new, never ripped, and a pair of admittedly ugly sneakers. Didn’t he have hooves? Or had your eyes been deceiving you?
“First rule, uh, no hooves on the hardwood floors. I can barely afford rent and groceries, I don’t need to pay for the floor in here. So, do whatever you need to do to make sure that doesn’t happen.” You gestured vaguely at Dan’s lower half.
Dan leaned forward slightly to look at his feet. He carefully stepped out of one of the sneakers to reveal a hooved foot. You had remembered correctly. He was standing on the red carpet of your living room, so it was acceptable for him to remain barefoot. “Yeah, alright. What else?” He said, with only the slightest hint of terseness in his tone.
You rubbed the back of your neck, separating the moistened strands of your hair from your skin and grimacing at how gross you felt. “Uhm, hold that thought. I’m going to take a shower, I can’t even think straight with how grimy I feel. Oh, that’s a good one—rule number two, stay out of my room unless you’re otherwise invited.” You pointed at Dan as you said this.
Dan chuckled, nodding and grinning. “Well, yeah, I thought that would go without saying. Do you—“ He stopped himself, closed his mouth, and resigned to silence, lowering his head slightly.
You figured he was about to ask you if you trusted him. There were some ways in which you did, but when it came down to it, you had a fucking demon residing in your house, and there were many, many things you didn’t know about this demon, or demons in general for that matter. You couldn’t be too sure of anything just yet.
“I’ll be right back, alright? You can make yourself at home, that couch is all yours. Just, uh, don’t dig around in the kitchen. I’ll have to lay down those rules when I’m done.” You toed out of your shoes by the door, then awkwardly peeled out of your soaked socks before making your way back to your bedroom, your dampened bare feet plapping along the floor as you went.
It must have been some demonic magic that prevented Dan from becoming soaked to the bone. Did Demons have bones? You wondered. There were a lot of questions you had, but you weren’t sure how to ask them.
You closed your bedroom door behind you, locking it. After doing so, you figured that locking the door wouldn’t matter much, Dan could probably get in if he really wanted to, regardless. Hopefully, he would stay out. Surely, he understood the concept of privacy, right?
You picked out a pair of pajama pants and a loose shirt, the comfiest of both that you owned. You debated putting on a bra, but damn it, this was your house and you had a long day, you earned an evening without that essential discomfort. Dan would just have to deal with it.
When you stepped into the hot shower, everything that had been on your mind spiraled down the drain, and you felt lighter. You stood, facing the showerhead, and just allowed the water to pelt your face and trickle down your body, taking along with it all of your stress and worries.
***
The sound of _____’s door locking brought Dan back from his thoughts. He had been thinking about cookies, after she had mentioned the kitchen, and Dan recalled how delicious those cookies had been. However, recalling that day brought with it other memories.
She was depressed. Even though she wasn’t standing on the edge of the balcony like she had been that fateful evening, he could tell. He had seen it so many times before.
But why did he care, now? He’d never cared before. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t tied up with her in a business sense. All the other times he had been placed in a situation with someone that was severely depressed, suicidal even, they had been a client. Their lives hadn’t mattered, because one way or another, they’d die sooner than later, and it would almost definitely be related to their demonic dealings.
But _____ was not a client, at least as far as he knew. He didn’t get that feeling from her, like she was someone who would dabble in that kind of stuff. Perhaps that’s what he liked about her, she was different than the kind of person he was used to being around. She was genuine. She reminded him of all the reasons he loved the Earth and its inhabitants. He saw no difference between her, and a deer, or a flower.
After entertaining the train of thought for a few moments more, Dan closed his eyes and sharply shook his head, once. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to become way, way too emotionally attached to this human. It had worked out for Arin and Suzy, but…
He shook his head again.
He turned, finally, to look around the living room where he was standing. There was a large couch, it looked plenty wide enough for him to lay on it without discomfort. The blanket that was thrown over the back of it looked rather comfortable as well.
On an adjacent wall was several shelves, only half of which housed books. The other shelves were occupied by knick-knacks, several of which he recognized to be from video games.
One of the things he loved the humans for the most, their many, many forms of entertainment. Video games, television, and music, which he adored the most of them all.
He approached the shelves in order to examine closer. Amiibos (“Oh shit, she has a Wii U?”), collectors figurines from a plethora of games he recognized, some CDs from bands he’d never heard of (he really got into music back in the 80’s, which was definitely before she was born, so it made sense), and a selection of DVD’s and books that he also didn’t recognize.
Dan’s thoughts wandered to his friends, and it caused him to frown. Arin would love this stuff, as he had developed a fondness for human pleasures just as Dan had. Suzy would probably get along great with _____, and—
He stopped himself before he could think on it any further. Even if he had a way to bring his friends here, he would have to ask _____ first, and he imagined that she wouldn’t be terribly keen on having a bunch of demons in her apartment. One was probably more than enough.
He paused his thoughts, as he realized silence was humming through the apartment. She must be done with her shower now.
***
Your stomach gurgled violently enough that you swear you felt your stomach actually shift.
You had lost track of time, unsure how long you stood there face-first in the water. By the time you finally began shampooing your hair, the water was not quite as hot as before. Either that, or you’d just become desensitized to the sting of the heat.
You rushed, just a little. Partly because you didn’t want the water to turn ice-cold on you, and partly because you weren’t sure what Dan had been getting into during your absence.
Also, you were extremely hungry. Your meager lunch at work had consisted of vending machine cheese-and-crackers and a bottle of water. You wondered if Dan even required food, being an otherworldly creature. Did he even have a digestive tract?
You toweled yourself off, actively avoiding looking at yourself in the mirror. That was an issue for another day.
Once dressed in the cozy outfit you had selected earlier, you already felt much better than you had when you and Dan entered the apartment. You wrapped your head with the warm towel and walked out into the kitchen.
Dan was nowhere to be seen. You walked into the living room and looked around, but saw nothing. His sneakers were gone, too. Had he left?
“Dan?” You said, a bit of concern in your voice.
“What?” Was his response, and he was standing immediately behind you, causing you to spin around and shove him in the chest, but he was a stone wall and didn’t budge. He was grinning, and his sharp teeth were bared.
“Okay, rule number three, don’t pull that shit.” You said this sternly, but the smile tugging at your lips indicated the emptiness of your threat.
You noticed now that he looked much more like he had when you first met. His hat was gone so his horns were hard to miss, and his jeans had changed to the ragged pair he had worn before. His legs were furry underneath, apparently, as coarse, dark brown fur stuck out of the holes and tears in the denim.
You didn’t realize how blatantly you were observing him until he commented, “This is essentially my default look. But I can look like I did before if it makes you more comfortable. And, of course, whenever you have guests. Which, speaking of, I was wondering…”
You brought your gaze back up to his face, and you felt a twist in your gut. This wasn’t going to be good.
“Wondering..?”
Dan cleared his throat a little, and looked around the room other than at you. “Wondering if, sometime, I could invite some friends over? We won’t make a mess, I promise, and we’re not gonna burn the place down.”
“Uhhhm. I presume these friends of yours are—“
“Demons, yeah.”
“I… I don’t know how I…”
“Yeah, no, it’s fine, I get it, I figured that would be your answer, it’s cool.” Dan shoved his hands in his pockets then, looking just a little upset by your answer.
It was enough to tug at your heartstrings. Damn him.
You reached out to put a hand on his arm, causing him to look back at you. You made the mistake of making eye-contact, and there was a silence between the two of you that hung a little too long. You pulled your arm away, and you both tore your eyes away.
“Maybe if… Maybe if I met them first. If they’re your friends, then I would assume they’re not…” You weren’t sure if saying ‘evil’ or ‘diabolical’ was offensive or not, so you trailed off.
“I’m starving, so I’m going to cook something. I was wondering in the shower if…” You began walking towards the kitchen, speaking loud enough so he knew you were still speaking to him.
“If I need to eat?” He offered, and he turned in time to see you nod your head. “Nah, I don’t need to. My body is pretty self-sufficient. I mean, I have a heart, which pumps blood through my body, but I don’t necessarily need to breathe or consume nutrients. I don’t need a digestive tract but I like having mine. I like to eat, at least some things.” He chuckled a little, placing a hand on his gut.
“Spicy stuff really doesn’t sit well with me. And I don’t like to eat meat.”
This surprised you, enough that you turned and looked at him with bewilderment. He shrugged, looking sheepish.
“Animals are cute, I don’t feel right eating them.”
That was… endearing.
“You’re a strange demon.” You commented aloud as you turned back to the fridge, deciding on some leftovers from a day or two ago, which thankfully didn’t contain any meat.
“Yeah, you’re not the only one who seems to think that.”
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squawkercr-blog · 5 years
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Love, Violence, and those Outcasts too
I’m nothing but a smidgen of man crawling out of The Hole for adrenaline and fascination, wondering about the future for myself, my family, the girls I’ve fucked, my country, and humanity, although I will probably die only a few inches of knowledge further away from where I am now. If anything, life is dictated by a set of forces and circumstance, a plethora of things evading comprehension, but love and violence certainly are two of them, and nothing is more American than that. My understanding primarily comes from searching recollections for a cue on what will be, scanning for patterns and synchronization, Google, and what I read under the bluebirds belly.
Rumors were several cruisers had surrounded a home in the neighborhood earlier in the day to take a man to jail. He had arrived home on lunch break to slapping echoing throughout his home and found his wife getting fucked in their bed, so he grabbed a pump shotgun and chased the bare philanderer through the living room out the foyer to the open breeze, where he grazed his hind side with a righteous blast in the front yard. I was in elementary school when I heard my parents detail this story in the kitchen, and it’s always stuck in my mind. When another man’s love is stolen, there’s no tellin’ the lengths he’ll go revengin’. I feel like that’s something Johnny Cash would say. That’s part of the America I know, a series of anti-heroic warped mementos glorifying the rush, flirting with lost love, trying to make it independently— a country rooted to Slavery, the Gold Rush, Woodstock, and now a more modern hush— a paranoia of domestic implosion, a slender, unspoken fear you can feel on your nape in malls, theaters, schools, and Waffle House.
I originally caught whiff of this fog in first grade. My brother, Wesson, was born on September 6th, 2001. I held him while my mom slept in her hospital bed. And five days later two planes crashed into two towers, one into a shape, and one in Pennsylvania. I was in Ms. Angel’s class when the airwaves became visible. I didn’t know it then, but I was looking at the DNA of humanity, a composition of atrocities and beauty consistently shedding.
Violence honed in like a looping vulture as I grew. My father taught me how to shoot and took me hunting with him during the season. Eventually, it became my time. We woke up early and we sat in a shooting house on the edge of his friend, Cardew’s poppy field before the sun rose. When light came, a herd of whitetail meandered into the shade of the forest line, where the light kisses woods and beyond’s mystic. “Shoot that doe, right there.” My dad said, pointing to the middle of the herd.
Their heads hung in the grass, grazing. I jutted the barrel out the window and placed the crosshairs on a whitetail’s shoulder. My heart whispered in my ears. The whitetail lifted its head, chewing seeds. I pulled the trigger. The body fell. All the deer scattered and vanished in the forests cover. Smoke dissipated from the barrel into the wind. White fur peaked through the grass. “You got one buddy… You got your first kill.” My dad’s voice shook excitedly and he patted my back. “Not the one I pointed at, but that’s fine… You done good.”
We climbed down from the shooting house and walked up to limp doe. The dew-speckled the grass shimmered across the field. The sun singed the shade. Steam crawled from the bullet hole torn in the shoulder. “Go over next to it and lean down for a photo,” my dad said.
I walked over. The tongue tasted the grass. I kneeled, grabbed the ears, and put my knee on its ribcage. Blood spread through the mud. Two nubs rested on its skull barely poking through the fur. “I don’t think this is a doe,” I said.
My dad hung the camera around his neck and stood, speculating with his eyes squinted. I held the limp head up for him to see. “That’s a button buck.”
“Isn’t that illegal?” I asked.
“Yes, but no one will know. We’ll skin it fast. It was an accident. You did good.” He took the photo. I let go of the ears and the head plopped in the dirt.
My father magnetized the memento of my first kill to the refrigerator at home. Does that make me a murderer before I got to the age of ten? We ate the meat. The action stuck. I still hunt today. Was I taught cruelty, ruined by my father?
I grew up in the countryside biking to my friend’s homes on the weekends, and when we weren’t meeting at someone’s house we met at the local holding pond. It was our coliseum, where we exposed our elbows and let blood flow until a mom forced Neosporin on our open wounds. Dirt was always in my fingernails. I’ve lost most of the finer details of those days, but not the summer of fights. We all met in the holding pond in the heat and shine, and Feral held out two pairs of MMA gloves. “Who wants to fight?” He asked. Everyone wanted to. And everyone did.
“What are the rules?” Jackson asked.
“Just stop when you’re done,” said Feral.
I was paired against Skid. We stood across from each other and strapped the gloves around our hands. The insides were sweaty and damp from the other boys’ hands. Feral stood a few feet away on the boundaries of an imaginary ring and yelled, “Fight!”
I’d never thrown a punch, but the first time I connected one to Skid’s cheek was a whirlwind of exhilaration. I jabbed Skid a few times on the nose. Then he tackled me and pinned me in the grass. Sugar ants grabbed hold of my legs. I held Skid’s arms between my armpits so he couldn’t punch me, but he slipped out and raised his fist, eclipsing the sun, to come back down on my face with the other following suit. I bucked and squirmed taking hits. My ears turned hot. With a good throw, I tossed his balance off of me onto his side. I stood to him still in the dirt. Simply scared to be the punching bag again, I repetitively hammer fisted his face into the sod. Jackson pulled me off. Blood ran out of Skid’s nostrils and tears fell from his ducts.
“Whoa, we got all of that on camera,” said Feral.
Jackson asked Skid if he was okay and he nodded his head. Feral walked over replaying the video on his phone. He was also the only one with a camera phone at the time.
“Damn, Charlie. You got your ass kicked,” said Feral.
“What? Y’all pulled me off at the end.”
“Look at the video.” Feral said holding the phone out. It was nothing to be proud of either way. I walked over to Skid and leaned over, holding my hand out.
“All good?” I asked.
“Good.” Skid said. We spit in our palms and shook. My eye felt heavy. Feral told me I had a shiner. Later, the mirror did too. But appearance didn’t matter, the gloves switched many hands in the passing summer and we found independence in the holding pond through a fury of fists and late night games of tag below fruit bats racketeering through the night sky.
I had enough love from my mother to never be a worry, I suppose. She loved me through soccer. I played from kindergarten to the end of high school, addicted to going shoulder to shoulder, the glory from winning, the competition, the lack of restriction. I walked in games angry to play, unhinged in a weird, focused anger, all nerve, excitement, and instinct like a dog that catches wind of a jackrabbit. I was in a mixture of primal action and strategy, breaths, shouting, kicking, pushing, while my mom screamed like a banshee from the bleachers. She paid fat sums of change for me to play on a travel team, driving across the armpit of the Southeast to different tournaments on the weekends, paying for my food, hotels, gas, miscellaneous giant pretzels, and tickets to the newest Harry Potter movie. I became captain of the high school team, which she took pride in by spamming her Facebook friends with the news. After I graduated, she gifted me a quilt of old tournament shirts, a sentimental reminder of our time together.
And how did my upbringing affect me? I bought a revolver and put a scope on it, ditched my faith, and sold drugs when I got to college, always to think “sorry mom” when I touched the money in my pocket. Was I set up with ruffian tendencies? I was just looking for a free way to smoke and a badass gun to hunt with. I still heard my father’s advice in the woods— “Point the barrel up. It’s not a joke your holding. Don’t put your finger on the trigger unless you’re gonna shoot”— and his guidance in the Gulf of Mexico— “Look over your shoulder before you cast. Don’t reel too fast. Work the bait through the water.”
I never looked to maim anyone. Where’s the split? Do we have answers for those outcasts running amok with ARs, minivans, and Youtube channels? Or what about the man that wandered into Strozier Library with a pistol and a death wish as me and many other students studied for final exams? I don’t remember the names of the victims in Parkland, Fl, but I remember Nikolas Cruz. His blank gaze was deadpan on my screens for days. Why is the news selling his story more than the victims? Why is tragedy bought more than the elated punchline?
Now, I sit in the corner of restaurants so I can see the entrance, I look for exit signs in auditoriums, and I haven’t been to AMC in years, although that could be another issue altogether. I’m confused towards the rogue motives plaguing people. If we put a leash on the all the beast’s barrels and tentacles will we control it? I keep in mind the pound is always in business, some dogs being repeat visitors. Do we reverse after the candlelight vigil and memorial? Arian news anchors yell at the comedians for being plastic and ugly, although they are smiling and really being quite polite. No one understands the entertainment, but they’re waiting for it’s scheduled time slot. When will bullets be in a story below my feet again, and where will they hit? I am coping hopelessly. The attention is on hot metal and gunpowder, but someone is sniffling behind the walls as we speak. Listen. Did you hear the hammer pull?
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byron1 · 6 years
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Microwave door bouncer to keep you from eating garbage. "Where do we Go now" guns & roses/ picking a restaurant Fallout joke: I was at work while you cheating all day. Punchline: I never even got to cheat AND she would tell me about her bounty EVRyday SKIT: Danielle cooking pie (or anything really) and you have headphones on improve rapping to her and it sounds good to me but cut to her with no music and she looks at me very annoyedly Opener: Walks on stage, grabs mic and lays down. "Instead of stand up up I'm gonna try "lay down", it's way more comfortable.. That joke needs a Mitch headberg voice" repeat joke in Mitch headberg voice "com-fort-able" Hotel TV remotes have never been cleaner. Everybody on the phone watching porn and Netflix. The last person to use a hotel remote for porn died years ago Terminator cop in San Diego -what it felt like on mushrooms (terminator slo mo walk by) -what really happened (cop just walks by and shrugs) "Whenever I start dating a girl I buy her a really nice, big purse as a gift. ...Cuz she's gonna be carrying a bunch of my shit around for the next 4 1/2 months" - jack bliss Old west - duel going on in the middle of town. Mayor stops everything -"what are you guys arguing about" "is it worth dying over? I mean I can look this up on my phone" Mayor looks it up on the phone and who ever was wrong gets shot with no countdown ..Watch a little porn. Once you get too familiar with a site you drift to the lesser known porn sites ...This particular website has a top 50 viewed videos.. And you can sort em by 1 day, 7 days, 30 days, and my favorite, "all-time". ..That's just a buncha like minded individuals helpin' each other out.. But you can always tell when a bunch of likeminded weirdos find the site cuz for the 1 Day Most Viewed, it's just a ton of videos of people peein' on each other. And now it's like "maaaan, now I'm not even in the mood. AND I'm disappointed in you PornoTime, I didn't even now that was so prevalent on your site!" And it's usually on a Sunday... All you pee heathens jerkin off on the toilet with your computers on your laps should be at church! But then I'm like ".....let's see what all this hype is about" If I eat Asian food and drink a glass of milk, will I explode? Asians they don't drink milk! I think it's cuz they know. It's like when you have Indian or real African neighbors and that food smell just permeates ev-er-y thing. Unpleasant for the most part. Asians think white people smell like rotten cheese or like the cow aushwitz off the 5. <----Cowlinga. Nasty place. I was on a road trip with my wife and "she's tired" (bitchy voice) so she wants to stop for the night. At night she couldn't tell but in the morning when that sun came up?.. And that stink starts stinkin?.. She's like "oh those poor Asians. We should stop eating cheese for them" And then she puked. Friendricks Smitreaux - hands too small, not allowed in Burger King. Has quarrels. (Jack) Calling GameStop, having a nerdy conversation, with a funny voice. Rb movie voice could be a thing. Do you have x y z Round table pizza local interview podcast Wife's mom with gigantic fat pet and gets scolded by vet. Mom is pissed new underwear lint gets stuck to your dick. About to get a blowjob and she freaks out cuz there's fuzzy berries all over your jimmy wang dong. (Explain in between these sentences how fuzz sticks to your dick when you have new unwashed out of the box underwear) I've done this to my wife since we started dating "Chivalry Gone Wild" - pushing girls out of the way to open the doors for them. Later girl has chivalry ptsd (now she shivers when a guy reaches for the check at a restaurant) "Once I got roofied..." Story ensues "Once I had a crazy dream..." Story ensues Either way you're bored Went into the bank, for the candy of course, why else would you go inside these days. As I reach for the candy, the lady behind the counter says "DON'T TAKE THAT CANDY!...... It's super old.. Here take this, I have a 'secret stash' back here" I was like "You Smoke Weed, huh?" No I didn't say that, I just did the stoner laugh, which basically communicates the same message I have road rage. Like.. bad. But they're really cracking down on that now. I mean you can't even throw the bird these days. So I'm trying to advocate this, in place of the bird, you hit the rear window spray 2 times. (doesn't work if your window is dirty) I'm trying to spread this so people know I'm insulting them..... Also the "up hand", thumbs up is for assholes...... I just don't want road rage to go away, you know?! Went to the grocery store at night and someone was sleeping in the car I parked in front of. I see a middle finger come over the dash. I quickly kill my headlights and the middle finger turns into a thumbs up and recedes below the dash. I like that person.. Soccer needs timeouts like catholic priests need to be able to fuck. Flopping soccer players = selabate priests Lost lake truck sinks into water. Guy goes back for cigarettes brings one pack instead of the ENTIRE CARTON White people now can only do other ethnicities voices while reading a name. (List 3 different "ethnic" names) Buttercup story: weed in New York Trying to get a random buddy to be the third player in the game of RISK is like trying to get a random girl to come back to your house and suck you AND your buddies dicks. "Wanna play a game of risk?" Shit no Instead of people saying "Grizzly Adams DID have a beard" I think we should change it to "Kurt Cobain DID have a gun" "no I swear I don't have a gun" ...too soon?! Liqueur Control Board. Two young kids walk into a bar. They order jäger. Liquor Control comes in and says to the bartender: "do you those kids you served are underaged?" Bartender says "you're out of your Jurisdiction!!! Call the Liqueur Control Board!!" Liqueur Control Board shows up lookin like French cops "(( assholeish French accent thing here))" I work construction..... (Frown face) You THINK you want to shit in a freshly clean porta-potty. But that's not the case. You drop any size turd in that blue water and it's coming back up to splash your asshole. You need a big pile of turd to cushion the blow. I frequent a sports bar, and they allow kids in a certain section and sometimes you don't see these children behind you. So you day-drunkenly yell out "well I can't exactly tit fuck 'er, but they're perfectly shaped!" ((Rule of thirds here, needs 2 more examples)) History Lesson: •Good at art cuz no porn - there was much better art, and I mean paintings, back in the days of yore. Do you know why so many iconic paintings come from this era?! Because there was no porn. You think these guys (Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Monet) weren't drawing weird sex stuff in their spare time?! Of course they were. People think porn took over in vhs days but it's gone back much further than you think Way back in the day, I don't think they had the ADA (American Dental Association), but if they did it would be The Association of Guys that Own Pliers. If you had a tooth ache in the 18th century, your barber would pull your tooth!.. Guess the barber had a set of pliers.. therefore making him.. also a dentist. Hatred for people with red hair bleed over from hatred for the Irish? I just found out I'm Irish.. My dad was adopted and he just did the genealogy thing. Piss on a stick, or something.... I may be thinking of something else.. Anyway, it makes a ton of sense cuz my mom was Swiss. And if you know anything about the Swiss, they don't tend to takes sides, (hmhrph wwii). So when I get high, I'm Swiss: "hey whatever your views man, let's just have a dialogue.. Orrr not, I really have no stance on the issue." But when I drink whiskey: ..I wanna fight people. And I'm not a big guy soooo, I try not to drink whiskey.. I try to test myself against my friends, but they are all bigger than me so it never ends well. There is one guy who's bigger than me, but I can just psychologically break him down, and it's all true so I always win. And those other big guys are around and laughing so I have some protection. Things like "good thing those chicks can't see how many times you swipe right, otherwise they would call you a "Desperate Bitch!" Or: "you're so pathetic, how do you not have a crescent wrench?!" Things like that. One Friday night, He was a coward and attacked me while I was fall over baby deer legs drunk. We shut the bar down and as we're walking out he shoves me and I go flying into the ashtray. Butts are flyin.. I was not happy with him and I think I had some whiskey that night because I plotted revenge for the next day, I say "I'm gonna fuck this guy up". Saturday morning we always go back to the bar for breakfast. He says "you gonna be at the bar for breakfast?" I say "yeah buddy, 20 minutes". That's when I start loading the quarters into the sock. But yeah, whiskey makes me angry, I guess. Did anyone notice how the hitler youth haircut came back right around the time most of the wwii vets were pretty much all dead? The hipsters were scared of some old vet having a flashback to the war. "YOU.. NAZI.. BASTARD!!!" So my wife says to me while we're in the kitchen, out of nowhere, and I quote, "yeah I drop craisins" I'm thinking this is some new thing the kids are doing. Then she points to the floor and..there is a craisin. She says "watch this" and shoves a gigantic handful in her mouth and a few fall on the floor. She then walks away Slava drug store story. "What kind of a name is that?!" Shia vs. Tink The wiener dog comes in the house, if it smells the cat, he goes crazy. (Killed the neighbor tea cup something or another) the cat hears his collar and jumps up out of range and watches us shower the dog with love. ((Cats reaction is the punchline)) "What the fuck, that dude is trying to kill me!! Benedict friggin Arnolds" Danielle: "Willy Wonka" is like "Saw" for kids Never touch a mans belt buckle. Cuz they drape their balls over them while taking a piss "Hey lesbians, do you have your gloves in the car? They said yes. Well let's get a pickup game going! Hunters heroin people story - "she's sucking his DICK!" MMA fighter goes back in time to 1907. Breaks 1907's guys wrist because of his dumb boxing stance Lady at rite aid going through gender reassignment. I use my chip and she tells me to slide. I say "yeah we're going through a transitional phase right now" instantly realize what I just said Back to the bar. Being a smoker you know everybody's car.. you've seen them come and go enough because you're that much of an alcoholic and smoke on the half hour for the six hours you're there. (Well not you, me) So you'll walk up to the bar and be like "oh hello, jacks car, let's just lift up your windshield wipers there buddy" or "oh yup, Old Man Roy parked like a dick again.." Or "Hey look! there's Kevin's truck, let's draw a dick on it". <---Another thing about being a smoker that brings me joy, is watching the horror on people's faces when they scape the plastic underneath their bumper when pulling to close to the curb. I always give a look implying "you just fucked up your bumper!" Bar, Interior: If I'm on my phone and you come sit next to me at the rail, do not get on your phone, cuz then I feel like we look like assholes and I put my phone away.. But I still have shit to do so you're really being a real monkey wrench in my operation People who do bird calls: trying to trick birds? Stock internet passwords make you seem like an insane person. Jolly ocean 3, rapid pineapple 0. An insane person looks at it and goes "....that works. No need to even change it.." Bevmo event planner needs an option for your alcoholic friends. 3 pictures. What do your friends look like at the end of the night; 1. Someone smiling 2. Hot mess 3. Just a toilet Sleeping in the wrong car overnight My wife put my jerk off blanket out for people to use. "You sicko!! You were gonna let my friends use that blanket" I'm thinking of the scenario where somebody goes to grab and I say "oh that's my baby blanket, I don't know how that got out here, let me get you another one.." And..((eyebrow)) I wouldn't be lying about the baby blanket thing. Old men's memory's are bad because their spank banks are 70 years full. Head Bobbers of Noddingham My wife said "you know how I know you're an alcoholic? Because your handwriting is shit but your numbers are beautiful. Signing tabs everyday for the last 10 years will do that" You know what really freaks out the ladies? When you immediately realize what you did wrong. You start apologizing too soon and it somehow makes things much worse. So if you one day have an immediate realization about something you did wrong... Play the dumb card for a day or 3 to make it seem like you've put deep thought into your mistake. Skinny guys dating fat chicks: what if she gets cold, how can you share your jacket?! My dad was adopted and finally did that genetics test •"spit"• hey, we're Irish. That makes a ton of sense. Too much whiskey and all of the sudden I get ridiculous agry Power went out in target. Here's how weird I am: I stole a snoop dogg cd and a Björk cd. To all women: if one is partaking upon a banana in public, use a knife. This will discourage onlookers. #yesallwomen Anyone old enough to send away "proof of purchases" for a prize from the back of a cereal box? Had to ask your mom for $2.50 to cover shipping and handling.. Waiting for it made you realize there is no true instant gratification. The waiting! Everyday: did it arrive, mother?!... No? (sulk away) then FINALLY when your 6 piece Lego set shows up you think: "I'm 27 I don't care about Legos anymore!" (Needs a tag) ((maybe:)) but I forgot to pull out when I was 21 so my 6 yr old will enjoy it) Old phone when unlocked will have a random screen of something from earlier. Sometimes it's porn. Gotta be careful Nowadays you see an old lady walking around and you think "that lady looks as old as my grandma when I was 9. She's got the old lady hair, the old lady sweater, old lady shoes, old lady jewelry" but then she has some rockin' tits! They do a "facelift" for those titties Gotta be careful watching porn with headphones. The getting caught factor isn't even what I mean, I leave one ear off for that. I only do les porn with headphones. cuz you don't need some dude "ugh ugh ugh! Oh Ya baby suck that cock" RIGHT IN YOUR ear. Not what I'm goin for there. White people always put housin sauce in the pho. Next to the bar I go to is a pho place. Smoking with Paul Teaching us how after we go in drunk.. (Housen sauces for dippin the meat)((white people put it in the broth)) "oh really?? Cut to me at home- it's delicious!!" Free bottle of siracha Pouring the old pho in the toilet ("how else do you get rid of old pho?!") How pissed off are you when someone in a Tesla SUV doesn't open their back doors? "Lemme see that back to the future sheeeit!" Old guy coughing sounds like someone taking crap to you. "What the hell did you say to me, old man?
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