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#therapy is hard but so worth it
iamenoughonmyown · 4 months
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I'm so grateful for my therapist 💕🧿 she has saved my life on countless occasions. She stayed one hour extra when I was having a really rough night. She holds space for me and helps me on my journey to heal and love myself and she inspired me to become a clinical psychologist like her. 🥹🌻
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Thank you 💕 I will think on what you said and try and build up the courage to start therapy at some point in the near future. If you can do it, I can do it.too
Yay!!! And when you do, please, let me know. That will put a huge smile on my face.
I'm just a regular person trying to make it to the next day, trying to survive until she's safe and stable enough to start truly healing and hopefully live her best life.
If I can do this, most definitely so can you!!! 💖💜💞
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oshi no ko aqua is such a fun character bc by most counts he's a more than decent guy.
in his first life he regularly visited hospital inpatients who had no visitors. he was genuinely happy and excited to help Ai deliver her babies, because he wants her to be happy on her own terms. he saves Akane simply because he can, and gets angry at the staff on her behalf. he doesn't stop at saving her life and spends sleepless nights turning around her public image. at that point there was nothing in it for him to keep akane around, she was just a person he was able to help and wanted to help.
by most counts he's a pretty decent guy who steps up when people need him most, except. except he's also a guy who really wants to kill his dad and that makes him manipulate people somewhat often and this is somehow not entirely at odds with his instinct to help others
#oshi no ko#like he's a doctor i can rly respect yknow#except for the patricide thing#gorou said do no harm unless it's my dad#also the way that gorou regularly visit patients is something SARINA has to tell the audience and not gorou#bc to gorou is nothing worth mentioning#for quite a while i was like man gorou is kind of sleazy for only visiting sarina esp when she's so young and vulnerable#but he visits the others also... sarina was just the most special patient to him because she introduced him to ai and also#because she was a kid whose parents never showed up#also SPOILERS FOR LIKE CH90+ OR SMTHING BELOW#the way aqua doesnt let akane dirty her hands like ok aqua we get it you want the best for everyone who isnt your dad#wipes tear someone get him therapy hes a decent guy who's ruining his life#also the way he is conscious of how he's playing w akane's feelings and tries very hard to be honest with her and to do her right#like sigh okay aqua i GUESS i cant hate you#and that one ghosting kana arc where i wanted to beat him up and then he was like i dont want to drag kana into this & he looked terrified#like SIGH. OKAY. FINE AQUA i cant hate you after all#like apart from the patricide (which is big know) the biggest downside to his personality is how cold he is#he pushes ppl away all the time and is just borderline rude#but like idk i feel like thats a byproduct of his 'i plan to go to jail for patricide and dont want to drag others down' mindset#which is like... well. you can't hate him for that.. he's looking out for others in his own way
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sluckythewizard · 8 days
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these are A BIT OLD but uhhh here check out these aggio doodles i did forever ago. still VERY happy w my colors :3
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apolunee · 2 years
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shigayokagayama · 11 months
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too scared of those weird ableists who term search personality disorders to accuse random disabled people of abuse apologism to make an indepth analysis post but like is this not a slightly modified version of the speech teru gives to mob in the black vinegar arc
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body-knows-best · 3 months
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I’m so tired. The kind of tired that caffeine doesn’t even touch. I’m tired of a lot of things and I’m so angry, too. It’s amazing that I can be this mad when I can barely get myself to work, through work. I will let the anger drive me until my energy comes back to me.
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theremina · 20 days
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grace under pressure
cooling palm across my brow
eyes of an angel
lay me down
we still believe in love
so fuck you
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tthealchemy · 4 months
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just told my not-boyfriend whatever person that ive been referring to him as my partner at work bc i was not about to explain our weird fwb situation to professional office company, especially when it includes 50 something year old men
and he.......was okay with it..........
not sure what to make of this
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candlebel · 18 days
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#to this day...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent
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lpwrites · 2 years
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On Hope
Today's meta, brought to you by a tumblr post:
In case of tl;dr or tumblr not opening links, it boils down to: Hope is a skill you work, not something inherent. I'd like to add (as some people in the tags have, that so is optimism and faith). I personally would tag on kindness as well.
All these traits are seen as soft and naive, but to actually use them and nurture them properly, it takes time and an active involvement. You're not just hopeful, especially in these times. You have to work at it, and it's hard. You're not just kind because you are, you have to actively work to be kind, moreso when the world says you shouldn't.
How does this tie to Teen Wolf?
Obviously, it comes down to Scott.
Many, many multiple complaints about Scott being a boring character or a perfect character or an undeveloped character come from the fact that people (incorrectly) believe that Scott has no flaws. Scott's perfect, they say! He's so boring and Neurotypical! (which is another can of worms to open another day)
Perfection is not possible, much less for a teenage character. We have seen Scott fuck up, multiple times, for several different reasons, most coming down to the fact he's an inexperienced teenage boy thrust into a situation he never wanted to be in the first place. He's afraid, he's experiencing things no one could have braced him for, and further affected by the fact that no one explained anything after the fact either.
Despite being actively tormented by several adults (and some teenagers, lookin' at you, Matt and Jackson), Scott doesn't stop being, at his core, kind. He's hopeful! He has HOPE that Jackson can be cured from the Kanima situation in s2, he has HOPE that they can save Stiles from the Nogitsune in s3B.
Out of everyone in Teen Wolf, given the release date and the sentiment surrounding the world when it first came out, I would have not been surprised if Scott had gone from a bright hopeful kid to a cynical, bitter ~adult~, because that was expected. Cynicism was The Thing, the corruption of the innocence of youth or whatever would have fit well, I'm sure, in this niche MTV was trying to carve out.
That's what made Scott so extraordinary, I think. Despite the punches, despite ever reason he had to be bitter and mean and cruel because the world WAS bitter and mean and cruel to him, Scott continued being good. He had hope for people, and gave countless opportunities that would not have been afforded to him by others, because Scott was able to look at things as they were, and hope for something better.
Did he make mistakes along the way? Sure, as a kid then young adult navigating a whole new world that actively wanted him dead, he made mistakes. But even thinking about his choices now, how painfully difficult must it have been for Scott to look at all these people who hurt him, who hurt his friends and his family and his community, and still look for good? To offer kindness to strangers and enemies alike, to ease their pain and give people who were in the same position he was the opportunity to say 'I can't. This isn't for me.'
How many times did Scott have to fight the pain and injustice and anger that would be more than deserved, and swallowed it down because pain and anger and violence are easy! It's an easy reaction and an easy excuse, and likely people (in show) wouldn't have really blamed him because no one ever blamed Stiles for being angry and lashing out because that's what people /do/.
But Scott didn't. He swallowed all of that (a monumental effort on its own) and he returned kindness. He returned hope and optimism and faith that I know he didn't really feel, but what he really felt doesn't affect his actions because his actions speak much louder.
For a teenager with suicidal ideation, who has been constantly beat down by a life he never chose? Scott has tremendous self control, and an enormous capacity for kindness in his heart. It would have been so easy to make him an asshole, we've seen assholes countless of times in media. But strength of character in the face of all that, to say no to the cycle of violence? That is something that is not innate. Scott had to absolutely fight for that every day, and that alone is so endlessly fascinating.
Scott may be boring if all you look at is the surface, but all it says is that you've felt the struggle of being kind in a world that wants you to be cruel.
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spacebugarts · 9 months
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I was talking about bugs at my therapy appointment today and my therapist asked how I knew so much about them like girl I was JUST telling you I was looking into getting an autism diagnosis
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sporeblossom · 3 months
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god its so crazy how much of a paradigm shift it was for me when someone was like hey i think youre a victim of serious childhood neglect and im surprised you don't have ptsd. like that really set me on a whole new path. did have to sacrifice the idea of my family just being quirky and special. but on the other hand, what a huge relief it was to be like hey this gaping black hole i've carried inside me for all my life isn't there because i just personally suck and was just born wrong, no it's there because something happened to me. and it can actually go away.
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running-in-the-dark · 6 months
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my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.
unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.
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neverendingford · 1 year
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Idea first came to me after I said something like "a thousand needles sewing you to a canvas of pain" and so I decided to make it real as best I could.
#does this count as#sculpture#my art#color says shit#Ford's Art#<- figured I needed an actual art tag since I'm actually doing more stuff so that's it I guess.#now I have to go back and edit the tags on all my old art stuff#gonna tag this as#body horror#just in case. some of those threads are actually going through my skin so it's worth tagging.#anyway. I'm finally finished with it! ngl I finished and was like 'what if I don't post it I just keep it privately?'#but I'm continuing my exposure therapy by posting art publicly so here.#anyway. it's no dismembered hand stitched to a canvas but it's the best I could do without going full Hannibal and committing medical crime#I used glue at the start to sew through before giving up and just figuring out how much skin I could get the needle through#I'm gonna feel it tomorrow for sure#do you have any idea how hard this was with just one hand. I had to use my toes as extra fingers to thread the needle every time I ran out#I wanted more tension on the threads but with only one hand and anchors that threatened to rip out I couldn't really#plus the left side was easier to sew because I was using my left hand. the right side was significantly more difficult#as evidenced by the significantly worse stitching on that side#I think I should have stuck with the glue though because it makes the pull marks like I wanted#it makes the thread have more of a meat-hook feel and weight rather than just light thread pulled through stiff skin#I like the left side better than the right. and the upper right is the least convincing
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sensitivegoblin · 4 months
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Vent
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