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missamerichale · 5 years

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perched poolside: Punta day 3

I awoke on Friday morning with a jolt of excitement and energy, because we were only planning on doing 1 thing that day: NOTHING!! My God, this is my most favorite thing to do on vacations. Don’t get me wrong, I love going on adventures, but you can’t have a solid vacay without spending at least 1 or 2 days doing absolutely nada.

I threw on my ball cap, swimsuit, sprayed down in sunscreen, and we made our way to the Theater to access wifi for .2 seconds before getting breakfast (our first “real” breakfast at the resort!) and then hitting the pool. Breakfast was lit. As mentioned earlier, the food at this place kind of sucked, but you guys know how much I love breakfast. They had pancakes, omelettes, scrambled eggs, fruit (that PINEAPPLE though), taters and more. I was in breakfast buffet heaven. Note: I didn’t drink coffee 1 day on this entire trip which is pretty miraculous, considering I usually get a raging headache if I don’t have at least one cup of that brown good good before 8AM every day.

After the chow down, we walked straight over to the pool with the swim up bar.

Is it sad I asked one of the employees if the bar was open at 9AM? No, because it was open, as a matter of fact.

Also, first time I ever experienced a swim up bar, you guys!! It was AMAZE!! I’ll post some pictures later. We quickly became bffs with the bartender, Luis, who was whipping us up more rum and cokes at top speed and even took a selfie with us. We chilled ALL DAY at the pool, soaking up sun, getting drink refills, hanging out in the “bubble pool” which looked like a giant hot tub but really just contained pool-temperature water, and people watching. We took a break to get lunch (a.k.a. basically a plate of potatoes and pineapple because that was the only somewhat tasty food in there), and wandered back outside for a while more before getting ready for dinner.

That night, we made reservations at the “American BBQ” restaurant, and you guys, that place made me LOL so hard. First off, we walk inside and they have soccer or something (sports) playing on two flatscreens in the back. None of the other culturual restaurants had this, but OK. Then... we hear the music that’s playing. Drumroll PLEASE....

Huntin’, Fishin’ and Lovin’ everyday by Luke Bryan. HELL yah!! MURICA!!

The music selection was my fav portion of dinner - it ranged from Luke Bryan to Celine Dion to Alicia Keys??? It was so all over the place I legit felt like I was getting music whiplash. But, I was totally digging it, because it was the first English music I ever heard them play since we arrived (aside from Bruno Mars on the catamaran).

We ordered burgers and fries for dinner. The burgers were... different. They didn’t taste like regular meat? Correy and Liv stopped eating theirs a few bites in. I made it halfway before calling it quits. The fries (POTATOES) were pretty lit though. BRB while I go on a strict potato diet.

We decided to rush through dessert so we could go to the buffet and try to find some better food there. That was really hopeful of us, because we knew the buffet kind of sucked, but it was still a nice night. That’s when screaming lady walked in. And yes, of course, she was American.

Can I just say that we, as Americans, probably represented a minority of people there? Everyone at the resort spoke Spanish - some didn’t know any English. And there were people from ALL over the world: Russia, France, Italy, Sweden, Germany and more. Probably every country. Languages flying around all over the place. We were immersed in global cultures ya’ll.

ANYWAY, screaming lady, walks into the buffet and stops right in the middle of the buffet area, near the main food station. I would say there are a good 200+ people in here getting dinner at this time. It was packed and almost every table was full. Lucky for us, we had front seat views to her mental breakdown.

She was on the phone and began to scream, and I mean SCREAM, “YOU BETTER GET THE F**K OVER HERE NOW I SWEAR TO GOD. I’M NOT F**KING PLAYING GAMES. YOU WANT TO F**K AROUND?” and everyone stopped what they were doing and were just staring at her basically. I think at one point I actually put my head in my hands, ashamed to be sharing the same language as this lady.

“I AM SCREAMING IN THE BUFFET AND DISTURBING EVERYONE BECAUSE OF YOU. DO YOU F**KING GET IT. I WILL CONTINUE TO SCREAM HERE BECAUSE OF YOU UNTIL YOU GET YOUR A** OVER HERE.” I was like please lord jesus and mary someone SAVE OUR SOULs from this DEMON!!!

In a minute or two, which seemed like FOREVER, she stormed away and was to never be seen again. But what was she screaming about??? We spent a good 30 minutes gossiping at our table about what it could have been after she disappeared.

Theories:

- Her husband/boyfriend/friend was late to dinner (super minor offense but maybe she’s sensitive)?

- Her husband/boyfriend/friend left the resort and was hanging with some other ladies (this seemed more realistic to us)

-It was her children messing around and they were late to dinner?? (I sure hope she wasn’t dropping the F-bombs to her kid like that but by the way she functioned I wouldn’t be entirely surprised).

It was a gd rollercoaster ride. And you guys. It doesn’t end here.

Enter, small girl to the bread table.

She was probably like 7 years old. Again, we had front row seats (clutch). There was a table literally full of stacks and stacks of bread: rolls, slices, and full out loafs you could even cut yourself (which were AMAZE, btw). Small girl proceeds to lift herself onto the side of the table with her hands so she can lean in and look at the rolls in the middle. There were like 200 but apparently she needed to get a good look at all of them. While this is happening, her hair is whisping all over the loafs. She like legit yeeted her body on to the bread table. We just oculdn’t believe it. We were loling but also grossed out at the same time.

Then, she attempts to reach for a roll in the way back, almost falling on the bread, missing, and then settling for a smaller piece. THEN. (it’s not over yet). She proceeds to grab a loaf BY HER BARE HANDS, cut off a piece, take it, and miserably fail to put it into the toaster in which she thought she was for sure going to catch something on fire.

She walked away with her 384928374 pieces of bread unscathed.

And whenever we saw her later on at the resort, we would say “hey look, it’s our friend!” and “wonder if she yeeted herself onto the bread table today.”

Disturbing, but highly entertaining.

Adios amigos!!! Logging off so I can eat another frozen meal and cry.

Hales

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