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#the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project.
opens-up-4-nobody
·
1 year
Text
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#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday
#and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased
#im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool
#and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it
#am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them
#which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd
#and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to
#the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project.
#ugh its like my boss said
#sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project
#but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it
#but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the
#info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel
#god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im
#so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts
#sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now
#so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times
#and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away
#idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4
#it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me
#also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at
#but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly
#literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol
#whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history
#bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk
#its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway
#i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried
#unrelated
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