#the third person is desperately trying to make sure Joel never realizes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tabloidtoc · 3 years

Text

National Enquirer, November 30

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: The Kennedy family torn apart

Page 2: Angry and isolated Caitlyn Jenner is on a downward emotional spiral that some friends believe have left her one step from the psycho ward -- she feels shunned by her own family and can’t find romance and is unhappy with with her looks -- Caitlyn is so tense and insecure and sensitive about everything so she’s diving into more and more prospective projects in a desperate effort to kickstart her flagging career and she’s flying off the handle all the time plus she’s tried to drown her sorrows in a new round of cosmetic improvements including a face-lift and lipo to trim her waist and thighs but she’s horrified she’s still not happy with her looks after all her surgeries

Page 3: Lovestruck Halle Berry has leapt headfirst into a red-hot romance with Van Hunt but the singer is a skirt-chasing cheat -- Van and his ex-wife split in 2007 after she said he abandoned her and their only child to move to L.A. and she claimed the musician admitted adultery shortly before divorce documents were filed -- Halle would be disturbed to hear that Van walked out on his son because she’s a very family-oriented person and she could never imagine living on the other side of the country to her kids -- Van’s grown and matured since the divorce and is sure to have shared all about his situation with Halle and he’s said to be on good terms with his ex-wife but people say once a cheater always a cheater and that’s got to be at the back of Halle’s mind

Page 4: Runaway Prince Harry is reeling after being publicly snubbed by his royal relatives and now he is having second thoughts about ditching his official duties for a glam life in Hollywood; he’s finally realizing just what he gave up when he left England with wife Meghan Markle and their son Archie and he’s wondering if it was worth it -- the simmering rift between Harry and the royals exploded after they refused his request to be part of Britain’s Remembrance Day ceremonies to honor fallen soldiers so Harry retaliated by staging a photo op at Los Angeles National Cemetery with Meghan with his military medals pinned on his navy suit; Harry was banned from wearing his military uniform when he quit royal duties and he also had to give up his military duties which devastated him -- photos from the cemetery released by the couple triggered an immediate backlash and they were accused of being shameless publicity-seekers trying to steal headlines and overshadow the royals doing their duty back home; it was a disaster and Harry was shocked -- he’s reaching out to the palace to make amends but calls to his brother Prince William and father Prince Charles have gone unanswered

* Katie Holmes and Emilio Vitolo Jr.’s hot new romance is in a pressure cooker as their families fight to claim the couple as their guests for the holidays -- things were going great for them but this tug-of-war may tear them apart because Emilio’s folks told him they want him home with them but Katie is desperate to spend Christmas with her relatives in Ohio and they really want to meet her new boyfriend and Katie is feeling guilty because she spends so much time with Emilio’s clan at his dad’s Manhattan eatery so she thinks it’s only fair that he does this for her but Emilio’s never missed a holiday gathering with his own family and there are a lot of them he hasn’t seen because of the pandemic

Page 5: Celine Dion is finally ready to put the past behind her as the fifth anniversary of her beloved husband’s death approaches in January and she is planning to leave Las Vegas with their sons and she is pining to return to her native Quebec and give twins Nelson and Eddy and 19-year-old Rene-Charles a taste of her own childhood -- Celine had been careful to not upset her kids’ lives since the death of their dad from throat cancer but she now believes the boys would benefit from spending time in The Great White North -- she also thinks it might be more likely she’ll find lasting love in her home country

Page 6: Defiantly plump Lizzo has ditched her diet and frightened friends are staging an intervention to get her to a fat farm to save her life -- Lizzo had committed to eating vegan after weighing in at 350 pounds but once on vacation it lasted like two days before she couldn’t take it any longer -- she has anxiety issues and uses food to comfort herself but the stress the weight is putting on her heart and other organs could have a detrimental effect on her health and cut her life short

Page 7: Mark Harmon and Pauley Perrette have agreed to meet for peace talks after a long-simmering feud triggered her angry departure from NCIS and Mark reached out to her to invite her back -- Mark feels bad about how Pauley left the show and knows she played a big role in its success and he’s anxious to set things right between them and bring back one of the show’s favorite all-time characters for fans -- Mark also feels he’s been painted unfairly in Pauley’s departure and would like to know he was not behind it but the two clashed for years with Pauley charging Mark’s bullying caused her to quit the show and Pauley even tweeted she is terrified of Harmon and him attacking her -- while Pauley is not saying yes or no to returning to the show she’s definitely willing to sit down and talk

* The drama between sickly Phil Collins and his squatting ex-wife Orianne Cevey is really getting down and dirty with Orianne charging that Phil degenerated into a pill-popping addict who stopped showering and brushing his teeth and was impotent and she also claimed Phil became emotionally and verbally abusive and refused to provide emotional support or love or care for her -- Phil’s lawyers said Orianne’s charges are scandalous and scurrilous and unethical and for the most part patently false or grossly exaggerated

Page 8: Power-hungry host Savannah Guthrie is gunning to be the reigning queen of Today and is willing to walk over anyone to achieve her goal and her blind ambition is ripping the once-invincible morning show apart and she even used Al Roker’s prostate cancer diagnosis to push her own agenda and capitalize on Al’s absence for surgery to demand more airtime for herself -- every meeting starts with the focus on whatever Savannah wants and the staff is far from happy about it and morale has never been worse -- Savannah has constantly pushed the producers for Jenna Bush Hager and herself to take the lead on big news stories and keep Hoda Kotb stuck in the fluffy stuff and Hoda’s completely pissed off -- Savannah’s rising star has come with temper tantrums and diva-like demands -- fed-up Hoda recently met with friends of Gayle King and there is speculation the two women could make a powerful pairing and revitalize third-place CBS This Morning

Page 9: Regis Philbin’s death certificate reveals paramedics waged a desperate 40-minute battle to try to save his life -- he suffered a heart attack just after 3 a.m. on July 24 at his home in Connecticut and he was rushed to the emergency room where medics fought to save his life but he eventually succumbed at 4:18 a.m.

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Queen Latifah on the NYC set of The Equalizer, socially distant host Ellen DeGeneres went the extra mile to greet guest Jimmy Kimmel on her talk show, Steve Schirripa and Bridget Moynahan shot Blue Bloods in NYC, Kristen Taekman prettied up her pout in L.A., Tracy Morgan attended the ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new community center at Brooklyn’s Marcy Houses

Page 11: Smitten ‘70s TV stars Patrick Duffy and Linda Purl may owe their late-in-life romance to Zoom but according to the actress the couple didn’t rush their relationship -- the two have been friends for decades but a COVID-19 group video chat helped spark love during lockdown -- after one of their lengthy one-on-one conversations Patrick jumped into his car and drove 20 hours from L.A. to her Colorado home like a lovestruck teenager

* Beloved Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek left behind a final touching message for his fans and it will be extremely moving -- Alex’s final message will follow his last episode of Jeopardy! set to air on Christmas Day

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Joel Michaely at the opening of The Comeback Trail (picture)

* Kelly Clarkson’s divorce meant she booted ex Brandon Blackstock out of her professional life but he’ll still be in her work life thanks to Blake Shelton -- Brandon might not be Kelly’s manager anymore but he still manages Blake which might get awkward when Kelly runs into him backstage at The Voice

* Keeping Up with the Kardashians is notching all-time low ratings and the family is blaming Kim Kardashian saying she’s lost her sense of humor and she’s too busy trying to be taken seriously

* Nitpicky Ryan Seacrest has ditched celebrity designer Nate Berkus’ husband Jeremiah Brent as his decorator because they had a nasty falling out over the renovation of Ryan’s townhouse in New York City

Page 13: Steve Harvey’s daughter Lori Harvey escaped jail time after cops claimed she fled the scene of a Beverly Hills car crash in 2019 -- she was charged with two misdemeanors for hit-and-run and delaying a police investigation after she walked away from a smashup that damaged her Mercedes G-wagon and nearly destroyed another vehicle but she cut a deal with prosecutors and pleaded no contest to resisting arrest and will serve two years probation -- she reportedly had been texting at the time of the accident

* Reba McEntire confirmed she turned down a regular role on The Voice which left the life-changing gig open for Blake Shelton -- Reba said she didn’t think she could ever tell somebody that they’re terrible

* Cancer warrior Olivia Newton-John revealed she kicked a dependence on morphine with medical marijuana -- to cope with her pain during her third bout with breast cancer that had spread in 2017 doctors put her on mega doses of the highly addictive drug and she weaned herself off the morphine with the cannabis which she thinks is incredible and says people should know that because you’re not going to die from cannabis and you can use it to wean off morphine and she’s continued on a regime with cannabis ever since

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Los Angeles’ newly elected District Attorney George Gascon has vowed to reopen the probe into actress Natalie Wood’s mysterious drowning and her husband Robert Wagner could finally be dragged before a grand jury -- Gascon said he’ll work with investigators from the L.A. Sheriff’s Department homicide squad to reexamine the case after the previous D.A. refused to present evidence to a grand jury -- Natalie drowned in 1981 while enjoying a holiday with Robert and actor Christopher Walken off Catalina Island

Page 16: The Talk has been thrown into chaos by cast shake-ups and co-host Sharon Osbourne’s power grab and may be on the verge of being silenced forever -- staffers are expecting the worst after popular co-host Eve announced she was splitting after four seasons becoming the latest in a long line of damaging departures and while Eve blamed her exit on COVID-19 travel restrictions from England much of the blame goes to self-promotional Sharon’s relentless efforts to take over the show after former moderator Julie Chen’s departure last year -- Sharon has made it clear she’s in charge now and the other ladies are not thrilled with being reduced to supporting cast and fans have started calling for Sharon’s head

Page 17: John Lennon’s widow Yoko Ono has sparked fears she’s nearing the end after handing her business dealings off to their son Sean Lennon -- the wheelchair-bound Yoko had been managing the late Beatle’s vast $800 million holdings since his 1980 shooting death but it’s now beyond her abilities

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Johnny Depp is writing and planning to star in a tell-all movie about his divorce war with loathed ex-wife Amber Heard -- after a U.K. court ruled he was physically abusive toward Amber during their marriage Johnny wants to tell the world his version of the marriage and he will set people straight about what happened and clear his name to millions to fans and he believes this is a slam dunk once he gets it in front of the right producer especially as he’s more than willing to play himself

* The family of vicious Boston mobster James “Whitey” Bulger has filed a lawsuit against the federal government accusing prison officials of orchestrating the 2018 hit on the Mob boss -- the action accuses the Federal Bureau of Prisons of intentional or deliberately indifferent deeds that led to the murder of the wheelchair-bound mobster just hours after he was inexplicably transferred to the Hazelton penitentiary in West Virginia where he was beaten to death by prisoners to keep him from singing about corruption inside the FBI and the Department of Justice -- Whitey was bludgeoned with a padlock stuffed inside a sock and his murderers had enough time to cut out his tongue and eyes to make it seem like a classic Mafia hit

Page 20: Angelina Jolie lives in constant fear one of her six children will be kidnapped and held for ransom according to her former bodyguard -- Angie and her ex Brad Pitt are worth hundreds of millions which Angie feared provided plenty of incentive for criminals to target her offspring

* Hollywood Hookups -- Sofia Richie and Matthew Morton dating, Sabrina Parr and Lamar Odom split, Daniela Rajic and Paul George engaged

Page 21: Justin Bieber’s pastor Carl Lentz lost his job over a steamy affair with an exotic beauty -- Lentz was fired from the megachurch Hillsong and his mistress claimed the two were in love

* Wildlife lover Bindi Irwin has announced 20 weeks into pregnancy her baby is the size of a tiny emu -- she delivered the news flash beneath a photo with her husband Chandler Powell appropriately taken at the Australia Zoo

* Hugh Grant made a bizarre confession admitting his bout with COVID-19 left him wanting to sniff strangers’ armpits -- Hugh revealed he tested positive for coronavirus antibodies and believes he contracted the bug in February and the illness caused a feeling of an enormous man sitting on his chest but Hugh also claimed he was rattled by losing his sense of smell which is a known symptom of the disease and purposely sought out putrid odors to test his useless nose

Page 22: Jailed Ghislaine Maxwell’s latest devastating court defeat has heightened fears that the woman accused of being billionaire sex fiend Jeffrey Epstein’s madam will die behind bars just as he did -- since July Maxwell has been locked up in solitary confinement at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center where her jailers subject her to daily strip and cell searches and is monitored 24 hours a day she doesn’t suffer the same fate as Epstein whose death was officially ruled a suicide -- now the U.S. Court of Appeals has denied her bid to publicly name the women who have come forward in the media and civil actions as Epstein’s alleged victims and implicated the British socialite in his twisted sex ring so the damning decision upheld an earlier ruling and shattered her defense team’s bid to investigate and refute the claims of the unnamed accusers

Page 23: Tom Cruise’s plan to shoot the first movie in space may be in jeopardy after Russia vowed to beat him to it -- Tom has teamed with tech billionaire Elon Musk’s SpaceX program to film the unnamed project on the International Space Station in October 2021 -- but a rival Russian agency plans to already be in outer space by then and the Russian film is titled Challenge and its team has sent out a casting call for a female lead -- Tom sees this as a gauntlet being thrown down and he always rises to the challenge and he’s told SpaceX they have to get up there before next October

Page 28: Cover Story -- Kennedy curse rips clan apart -- the family takes sides as Michael Skakel skates and William Kennedy Smith stalls $50 million will

Page 32: Ric Ocasek’s oldest son has blasted him as a deadbeat dad who was never there -- Chris Otcasek who uses the original spelling of the family name wrote on Instagram that his father in essence died the day he was born and he was never present and he was never there -- Ric left his mom who was his second wife Suzanne while she was pregnant with their second child

* Lisa Marie Presley has had a medical emergency so severe it brought her bitter custody trial with fourth ex-husband Michael Lockwood to a halt

Page 36: Health, Ask the Vet

Page 38: Pope John Paul II was aware that disgraced and defrocked Cardinal Theodore McCarrick was a pedophile but elevated him anyway to the powerful post of Archbishop of Washington D.C. in 2001 -- McCarrick had showered over $600,000 in donations on powerful clerics including Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict while facing allegations of abuse -- Pope Francis finally defrocked McCarrick in 2019

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Mandy Moore

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Emma Corrin as Princess Diana in The Crown

Page 47: Odd List

1 note · View note

starlessskies94 · 6 years

Text

Like Father, Like Daughter (Negan/BlakeAU) Chapter Ten

I’m not sure about this chapter but I’m keeping faith that it’s okay (Fingers crossed) Thank you for the love for the last chapter means everything to me <3

As always huge thank you to the lovely @neganandblake for your help and advice, you lovely lady. I’d be lost without your help hugs to you!! <3 <3 xx

Chapter Ten

Joel was startled at the sudden voice from behind him, slowly turning to see a small group of men approaching. All heavily armed and blood soaked with dark dangerous eyes.

He noticed the deep ‘W’s carved into their foreheads, the fresh blood staining their hands. But what worried him more, were the wicked smirks they wore.

“You lost little boy?” The leader asked menacingly, turning to his friends who laughed.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly who these men were. The Wolves. A group that robbed, raped and killed the innocent. He needed to get rid of them before Mia came back. There was no way in hell he’d give these scumbags a chance to get near her.

But he was outnumbered. And they clearly only had one thing in mind with the way they were looking at him, now inching closer until the group surrounded him.

“We’ve been keeping an eye on you kid…sure you got all kinds of good shit packed away in that little bag of yours.” one man taunted, while the leader stepped even closer. The stench of his breath causing Joel’s eyes to water as he inhaled quickly.

“But not as nice as that girl you got following you around…where’d she go? I’d love to introduce myself.” He smirked darkly with dirty broken teeth. “And I’m sure a few of my boys here wouldn’t mind getting to know her too.”

Joel felt sick at their twisted laughs and sinister smiles. His hand slowly reaching to his belt for his gun, desperately praying they wouldn’t notice.

“The girl’s gone.” He lied. “I was taking her home…now I’m on my own way back.”

The older man scoffed, reaching for his own weapon. Dragging his knife across Joel’s face, the cold metal quickening his already racing heart.

“I think you’re lying to me kid.” He hissed in a harsh whisper, his grip on his weapon digging further into Joel’s cheek. “WHERE.IS.THE.GIRL?!”

A warm trail of blood trickled down the boy’s face, his heart pounding in his chest as he saw no way out of this mess. The Wolves surrounding him clearly ready for a fight. Some even hoping he’d fight back just for the sheer pleasure of torturing him that much more.

Brown dilated eyes shifted at the slight movement behind. Joel trying not to bring attention to what he’d seen as a pair of blue orbs shined his way. Mia.

Shit, he wished he could tell her to leave, to run and not come back. Sure these men were more than capable of killing him and taking all he had but the thought of what they’d surely do to Mia was much worse and in his eyes made the sacrifice all the more worth it in the end.

The relief calming him sightly when Mia did as he’d hoped. She turned away. Running in the opposite direction without even looking back. She was safe now and that’s all that mattered to him.

“I asked you a fuckin’ question! Where’s the little bitch kid?!” The head wolf roared in his face. Prompting Joel to take that as the moment to shoot, pulling his gun from his holster; the shot echoing as the bullet tore through the man’s gut sending him recoiling backwards.

As he fell to the floor with a sickening thud, the dark-hair boy dodged the swinging metal pipe that flew his way from another wolf. Hastily continuing to move forward, struggling to take out any Wolves that got in his way. The men now utterly determined as the gang gathered around him.

A pair of rough blood-stained hands grabbing fist fulls of his jacket before pulling him to the ground. Endless hits raining down on the boy as heavy boots kicked into his ribs and stomach severely winding him as busted bloody lips gasped out choked breaths. His vision blurring with each hit, every inch of his body screaming out in pain.

The Wolves’ wicked laughter ringing in his ears as one delivered a final blow to Joel’s face with his boot before standing back.

“Alright, alright...enough boys. I think he’s had enough.” The second wolf declared cockily, moving to address the others. Slouching back on his heels as he flicked a long blade from his pocket, tauntingly running his finger up and down the tip. A wide smile of pointed yellowing teeth spreading across his face as he towered over Joel laid cowering on the dry soil at his feet.

“Think it’s time we out this little shit outta his misery.” He smiled maliciously.

All the while Joel’s heart raced faster as he struggled to breath, his vision darkening. The only image that of the Wolf coming closer with his knife.

A sudden gunshot echoed as Joel flinched, looking down to see the body of the Wolf that had attempted to charge at him. Looking for the shooter he glanced at Mia as she stood with a smoking gun in her hand. Joel paused for a second as he watched Mia move on to the other attackers; killing each and every one with a single shot to the head.

The final Wolf not even given the time to react as the girl plunged her knife into his back before kicking his limp body to the floor.

That was the last thing that Joel saw before he let the darkness take him. As bruised swollen eyelids slid shut.

Taking a breath, Mia stood with panting chest and pumping blood as she looked at the group of now dead Wolves that littered the floor. Sliding both her gun and knife back into the belt of her jeans as she glanced across to Joel’s still body.

“Joel?!” She panted, racing over to him, dropping to her knees as she checked for his pulse.

Nothing. She panicked; slowly turning him over onto his back. Her hands placed firmly on his chest as she started her compressions. Every time checking for signs of breathing. Hands shook on the third attempt as Mia held back tears.

This was her fault. If Joel died, it was her fault for leaving him. Another failure to add to her list. Was this how things would always be? Fucking up everything she tried to make better?

The fighting ring at the Sanctuary, the horde on the supply run and now the only friend she’d ever had. It seemed no matter what she did, she couldn’t do anything right.

“Joel...Please look at me!” She pleaded, blue eyes welling with tears now the more she tried to bring him back. “Joel, I swear to god, if you die on me; I’ll fucking kill you!”

Her cries remained unanswered for seven and a half agonizing minutes until finally Joel gasped loudly coughing at the mouthfuls of air so desperate to reach his lungs.

A wash of relief filling the young blonde, pulling him into a tight embrace. Her show of affection somewhat taking the young boy by surprise as he reluctantly hugged her back.

“What’s all this Blondie huh?” Joel chuckled with a strained voice. “You almost seem like you were worried about me.”

The girl wordlessly pulled away, looking Joel dead in the eye. Clearly seeing no humor in the moment at all.

Surprising even herself in realizing how much this boy meant to her. He’d risked his life to save her and now she’d done the very same for him. How could she simply walk away now like they meant nothing to each other.

Mia wasn’t so sure she could do that anymore.

Joel slowly sat up, groaning and wincing against the many cuts and bruises covering his body. Intently watching the blonde as she remained completely enthralled with her task of finding medical supplies to patch him up.

Finally returning with Joel’s discarded backpack, emptying the contents to the floor and grabbing all that she needed.

Apologizing profusely every time Joel hissed as the alcohol soaked rag touched his skin, their eyes never leaving the others.

For Joel couldn’t understand this sudden change in Mia. From the cold bitter girl that wanted nothing to do with him, to the warm affectionate girl that saved his life without thinking twice about it.

He gently took hold of her wrist when she moved to dab his bloody forehead. Her brows narrowing at him in confusion.

“Mia why’d you come back, you know what those bastards would’ve done to you?” He asked quietly. “Why didn’t you leave? You could’ve left.”

He had never met anymore like Mia before, to carry so much for a person so young; even in the messed up world they lived in now. But Mia had a fire burning in her eyes he’d noticed since the day he’d met her. A force of nature unlike any to be reckoned with. But there was also a softness there that he’d never seen before. A warm, kind glow that gave him butterflies whenever she looked at him.

She smiled and he felt it again, his heart beating a little faster when she tentatively brushed her fingers across his cheek.

“You didn’t leave me.” She whispered softly. “I know I never thanked you for that Joel and I’m sorry. If you hadn’t shown up when you had...you saved my life.”

His scarred hands embraced hers as they slid from his cheek down to their side. Their grip on each other tightening as fingers brushed again.

“Come on, lets get you somewhere to rest and get patched up properly.” Mia said quietly as she rose to her feet, kneeling down to help Joel.

Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, holding his weight as they shuffled slowly down the road and back into the woods leaving the Wolves behind to their endless wandering as newly turned walkers.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joel drifted as he sat by a freshly lit fire, his wounds now cleaned and bandaged courtesy of Mia. The blonde choosing to stay close to him as he rested while she sat guard.

But Joel was much more interested in watching Mia.

The fierce blonde watching the area for movement of any kind, her slender hands curled around the handle of her gun.

It had been a few hours since the Wolf attack and for the life of him,Joel still couldn't understand why Mia had come back for him. Sure perhaps she felt as though she owed him for saving her life a week earlier but she’d made things very clear that she’d had no desire to become close to him in any way. This would’ve been a perfect time to leave him to his own devices to save himself from the mess he’d gotten himself into. But still Mia had taken it upon herself to go back to risk her life for his. And he couldn’t understand why.

“I can hear you thinking...” Mia spoke suddenly into the silence.

Joel turned to see her staring at him with a small smile on her lips. A smile he couldn’t help himself in returning.

“I’m just wondering something is all.” He shrugged.

“Oh?” Mia tilted her head in thought, shuffling closer towards him as she placed her gun to the side.

“You made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me Mia. And I respected that. So when you left me with those fuckers, I got it. Hell I wanted you to go. To stay safe.” He explained. “You think you had to save me because I saved you? No...you didn’t owe me shit. Okay.... So why did you come back? Why risk your own life just to save me?”

Mia sighed a hard breath, her words catching in her throat. Not even daring to look Joel in the eye.

“The truth is; growing up I never really had anyone except my parents. You can imagine being Negan’s kid, it didn’t really leave me with a lot of friends. Everyone is so scared of him...” She paused as her eyes teared up at the thought of her father, Joel clearly seeing the pain in her eyes, carefully leaning forward and taking her hand as their eyes met and he nodded for her to continue.

“Even knowing who my father is, you stayed with me. I’ve never had that before Joel. I was so wrong about you and I’m sorry for that. You’re the only friend I have; I care about you and I’m not walking away. I can’t...not anymore.”

Joel smiled sweetly and Mia swore her heart stopped for a second. His hand squeezing hers as he reached his other out; softly brushing her fallen hair from her face. Her skin tingling at the contact.

Breath quickening, hearts racing as the sheer and genuine care resonated from one to the other. A feeling so pure that Mia was flying on air.

The heat rushing to her cheeks as she blushed the closer Joel got, his lips briefly brushing against hers in a chaste kiss.

Tag List: @neganandblake @laura-clapton

If you’d like to be tagged, please let me know! x

#neganandblakeAU #like father like daughter #starlessskies writes #neganandblake #walking dead negan #Negan OC #twd negan

17 notes · View notes

junker-town · 7 years

Text

The comprehensive guide to winning rock-paper-scissors

Always throw the same thing. Or don’t!

When it comes to America’s greatest sport, everyone’s an expert.

We’re talking about rock-paper-scissors. It’s one of this country’s longest-standing pastimes, and it might be the game with the lowest barriers to entry. It requires a simple series of hand movements and, uh, not much else. If you crave competition, there’s no easier way to get it than saddling up for an RPS duel against a friend.

These are our most critical pieces of advice.

Some of these thoughts are contradictory to one another, so you’ll have to decide whose side you take. Sound good? Let’s RPS.

Know your opponent’s personality type.

I’ve won some big rock-paper-scissors matches in my life. I’ve had drinks purchased for me, errands run for me, and gruesome dares carried out on my behalf — all because I know the tricks my friends are going to throw at me when we duel. My best win:

I found a video of what's def gonna go down as my peak athletic accomplishment in this life: a rock-paper-scissors/huggy bear tournament win http://pic.twitter.com/Dqve72z1fX

— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) May 3, 2017

People ask me all the time — actually they don’t, but let’s pretend they do — how I win RPS matches. The most important thing is to know the kind of person you’re dealing with on the other side. The guy I beat for an RPS championship a few years ago is a good man and a patriot. He’s also a military man and has a rugged persona.

But because he’s a military guy, I knew he wasn’t going to back down. We both threw rock on our first go-around, and I knew that there was nothing he’d enjoy more than winning with the exact same thing. It’d make him feel tougher and somehow more pure to win without changing his ways. So I just changed my play to paper, grabbed my RPS championship trophy, and went on home. I don’t feel bad about it.

Here is a bold-faced lie from my brother:

@alex_kirshner I beat you every single time when we were kids. You threw scissors first without fail... bad strategy for sure.

— Joel Kirshner (@JKirshner36) May 5, 2017

- Alex Kirshner

Force your opponent’s hand (we’re talking mind games)

I consider myself an excellent rock-paper-scissors player, and my success starts with my mentality: You have to be unafraid to die in the arena. Those who play RPS scared — afraid of throwing the wrong thing — aren’t thinking enough about their opponent. You need to take in every tell on their person: things like their facial expression, perspiration levels, general state of anxiety and/or drunkeness, etc. You won’t do that if you’re also keenly aware that you’re giving off the same tells yourself.

What many don’t realize is that you can force your opponent’s hands. Talk. Be obnoxious. Get in his or her head. If you’re playing best-two-outta-three, comment on their first throw: “Scissors, huh?” Tell them what they’re going throw next. Tell them what you’re going to throw next (and keep your promise ... or not). Feign like you’re mulling over your next move. Drag out the moment. Peer deep into their eyes.

Do whatever you can to induce a flinch. Your opponent will react, and when they do you will have gained another clue into their soul. RPS isn’t about you — it’s about your opponent and the frailty of human will. - Louis Bien

For me, it’s all about coming from a position of strength, first and foremost. Since we’re civilized people, we’re going best two out of three, so I can afford to lose one. You throw rock first every time to initially assert dominance. Then you’ll often throw it back the next round becuase they’re shook. They know I’m the alpha and are threatened. Then I mind-game them, because I certainly wouldn’t throw rock again the third round. Would I? — Richard Johnson

Keep using the same move

I can’t give away all of my secrets when it comes to this classic battle, but one I will share is that particular strategy. If a best 2 out of 3 is being played, this works nearly every time, unless it is also being deployed against you. It’s even better when used in a best 3 out of 5, or greater. Once your opponent has caught onto your move — let’s say it’s paper — that’s when you deploy the rock. It’s very simple, and works like a charm. Your opponent will be defeated, and annoyed with the malarkey. - Harry Lyles Jr.

Go rock, go rock, go rock again, keep going rock, and then, just when your opponent is getting annoyed, look them in the eye, give them a playful smirk, and ... go rock again.

Btw you will not win if you do this, but you can whine when you lose that in real life a rock would destroy a flimsy piece of paper. - Seth Rosenthal

Just roll with the punches.

Don't listen to my dude coworkers who think they can control the uncontrollable. They can't. Rock-paper-scissors isn't rocket science; all you have to do is go with your gut and throw down what you feel. Will you lose? Yeah, sometimes. But that's how probability and life works. Roll with it. - Charlotte Wilder

Transfer the responsibility

Find a surrogate to RPS for you. If they lose, you can blame them. If they win, you can take the credit. Delegation is the key to good leadership. - Ryan Van Bibber

Know your opponent’s weaknesses.

The art of winning RPS is understanding the personality of your opponent. Are they lazy? They’re going to throw rock. High ego? They’re going to think they’re better than you and go scissors. Paper people are difficult to predict, but typically they’re going to be the more quiet and demure members of your friend circle. Also understand the stakes: If the result of the RPS match is low-impact then they’re going to lean on their old tricks, but if there’s a lot on the line then people will over-think their moves and go to the polar opposite of their personality. — James Dator

When playing RPS, you have to remember the one cardinal rule: it’s way more effort to throw scissors than it is to throw rock or paper. Ultimately you just have to decide whether or not your opponent is a rock person or a paper person. If you’re up against Dwight Schrute, just play scissors every time. - Cory Williams

Consistency is key.

Always throw what your opponent just threw. - Justin Bopp

Cheat

We all know that it’s “rock, paper, scissors, shoot,” and you throw what you know on “shoot.” We all know this! Yet there’s always that one asshole that let’s the ritual get started before they break away mid-“scissors” to be all “wait wait lol lol are we doing scissors or SHOOT?” — meanwhile getting a sneak peek at what you had in store for Round 1. And the worst thing about this strategy is that it works. Listen, I’m not here to tell you to cheat at rock-paper-scissors. But I am here to tell you that if you’re desperate — this might just be your play. — Dayana Sarkisova

Lots of people we asked believe in never changing their play.

@SBNation http://pic.twitter.com/Ujano9u8bz

— Joseph Flynn (@ChinaJoeFlynn) May 5, 2017

@SBNation Always use rock. Works EVERY time

— Nikolas Holmes (@NikolasHolmes) May 5, 2017

@SBNation Throw the same thing every time

— Zach Daw (@SoDawsome) May 5, 2017

And a slight variation to that method:

@SBNation People will always try to use the thing tht beats wht u used on ur last move, if u won. If u won with rock, theyll use paper next round.

— Sam Gosin (@samgosin) May 5, 2017

Some people advocate a hard-line approach.

@SBNation cheat

— Russell Steinberg (@Russ_Steinberg) May 5, 2017

Here is the most serious advice:

@SBNation 1. Always stare deeply into your opponent's eyes as if they're the true love you've always been looking for. That should make them nervous.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017

@SBNation 2. Pretend you are your opponent. Everything that makes them them is now you. That should help you know what their next move is.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017

@SBNation 3. After you win, do a little dance. This is less to rub it in your opponent's face and more to attract the ladies. They'll be so pleased.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017

0 notes