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#the struggle to right oneself
faggotfungus · 10 months
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The Struggle to Right Oneself © 2001-2014 | KERRY SKARBAKKA
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xoxomireya · 2 months
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!ᶻz﹒the ultimate friendship guide﹒🦢﹕⤾
tysm for requesting @jasminejournal < 3 ! i had a lot of fun making this.
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I. YOU CAN’T NATURALLY MATCH WITH EVERYONE
First things first: You can’t be friends with everyone. apart from the obvious “a friend to all is a friend to none”, it’s quite unrealistic to expect everyone to like you, and that’s okay! You just have to acknowledge that you aren’t meant to be liked by everyone.
Find people who are like-minded, who give you the same energy back, who have the same values, people that have healed and don’t bring their baggage and toxicity into the friendship. quality >>> quantity. Not everyone is meant for you and that’s okay, because we are not seeking quantity, we are looking for quality friends who have all the values i listed before and the ones you also find important.
The world is your oyster. in this era it’s easier than ever to make friends: meet a lot of people, say yes to plans, go to events, network, etc. The more people you meet the more you will realize that you can’t match naturally with everyone, some people are just not your vibe and the more people you meet the more likely you are to find someone you do mesh well together with. I completely understand that it might be harder for some people who are introverted or have social anxiety to socialize, but in that case I really recommend to work firstly on yourself because a lot of the times those things are triggered by insecurities and a bad relationship with oneself. I also recommend to practice with people online or people who know nothing about you, because that’s the thing: they know nothing about you. If you’re insecure, they don’t know that. If you’re acting in a confident way even though you’re not, they’re also not going to know because they don’t know the way you think or act.
Maybe the problem is YOU. Ifyou’re always losing friendships and struggling to maintain them, maybe the common denominator is you because you have issues you need to introspect. Focus on yourself for some time and fix all the issues that might be making you repel high-value people such as being insecure, romanticizing your sadness, having toxic and jealous behaviors…
II. WHERE AND HOW TO MEET PEOPLE
Like-minded communities !! You need to utilize the resources you have to make friends. friends that last are the ones who think in a similar way and who share similar values and interests, and you’re more likely to find like-minded people in like-minded communities. Build up the courage to go and do things alone so you become comfortable in going to places to meet people alone.
Some like-minded communities can be classes in which they teach hobbies of yours because when there’s a community of people whom you have to coexist with you will be forced to work together in a team and talk to each other and that will make it a lot more easier to make friends. Plus, you’re taking the same class so you’re going to have an interest/hobby to bond over which means automatic conversations without any awkwardness. Another option is to become a regular literally ANYWHERE. Ranging from a coffee shop to a gym, when you become a regular you familiarize with the staff and other regulars.
We’re living in an era in which technology can help you with almost anything. Use this to your advantage! Make online friends, use social media to search for like-minded people, download apps to make friends such as bumble bff…
III. HIGH-VALUE FRIENDS.
Now that you’ve prepared yourself and know where to find friends, let’s talk about how to know when someone is right for you.
Look for people who strive to be the best version of themselves and who are surrounded by positive energy. You are who you surround yourself with, so make friends that bring you positivity and who inspire you. Make sure that you both share how you want your future to look like and have similar future plans. Meshing well with them is a must. For example, someone who prefers and feels more comfortable having low maintenance friendships won’t match with someone who prefers to have high maintenance friendships.
And of course, respect is needed. You cross my boundaries? You’re out. Any sort of toxic or jealous behavior is NOT normal and you should not be friends or be influenced by that type of people.
IV. WHAT TO TALK ABOUT AND HOW TO BE A GOOD FRIEND.
Do NOT come off as desperate. “What if they don’t like me?” Thinking like that will only make you be so immerse in your thoughts that all of your confidence will disappear. Focus on having a “How can I make them feel comfortable and understood?” mindset, you’re now not thinking only about yourself and being self-conscious, so you’re going to appear more confident and since now you’re focusing on listening and making the other person feel comfortable you will make an amazing first impression.
Ask them questions about themselves. People love talking about themselves and this will immediately make them like you. Do not make it look like an interview, tho. Make sure you provide your input too which shouldn’t be hard because every question you ask is going to be redirected to you. You can also start the conversation with a compliment!
Friendship is a two way street. It needs to go both ways and you need to follow up with each other. What are they offering you? What are YOU offering them? Think about what can you give without forgetting what can you receive. The type of friend you want is the type of friend you need to be
V. HOW TO MAINTAIN FRIENDSHIPS
Everyone has the type of friendship maintenance they feel more comfortable with, but it's a fact that low-maintenance friendships are tho ones that last. Even if you feel more comfortable having high maintenance friendships, make sure that both of you can accomodate to having to maintain the friendship even when both of you are busy.
COMMUNICATION!!! I assure you that there's probably going to be a lot of hardships and misundersatings in your friendships (And that's not bad, we're human) and no proper communication will lead to the deterioration of the friendship.
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plutosunshine · 4 months
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What blocks your success? Mars in signs
Your Mars tells about how you act and make decisions. Let's see what doesn't let you succeed.
Mars in Aries
Mars in Aries is an intriguing astrological placement that gives you a quick, fiery, and decisive nature. You tend to be bold and eager to take action, never shying away from a challenge or opportunity. However, your impulsive tendencies can sometimes get the best of you, causing you to act before thinking things through. It's important to check the aspects and house your Mars is in if you struggle to make decisions or act purposefully.
While you may not be afraid to take action, you often find yourself regretting your hasty decisions later on. This fear of making mistakes can sometimes hold you back, preventing you from acting and moving forward. Although fear can be a helpful guide, it can also hinder your ability to take calculated risks and pursue your goals.
In the moment of making a decision, you feel motivated and inspired, convinced that you're on the right path. However, the reactive nature of Mars in Aries can sometimes make you feel like you want everything right now without considering the long-term consequences. It can lead to impulsive actions that you later regret. By understanding your tendencies and working to balance your desire for action with thoughtful consideration, you can make the most of your Mars in Aries placement and achieve your goals with confidence and purpose.
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Mars in Taurus
Have you ever felt like you're unable to take action because of the fear of wasting your time and energy? This mindset can cause you to be in a constant state of energy conservation, only engaging in activities you deem helpful or worthy. When faced with a problem, you tend to take your time to think it through, even if you've already come up with a solution. You wait, hoping the problem will resolve itself rather than taking a risk or seizing the opportunity to act.
The idea of wasting your time and energy is a significant concern, so always create a plan to minimize your resource expenditure. While being cautious is important, this mindset may hold you back from taking advantage of potential opportunities and achieving your goals.
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Mars in Gemini
As a Gemini Mars, your mutable nature can sometimes hinder your ability to take action when faced with a problem. You possess many ideas for solving said problem, but the challenge lies in selecting the most optimal solution. Seeking advice from your friends and loved ones is a common practice, as it helps you gain a broader perspective and consider different angles. While communication is an important part of your problem-solving process, it's just one of the ways you approach the task at hand. You tend to share your ideas and receive advice but ultimately make your own decisions. During a conversation, you may indicate that a particular solution is the best option, only to change your mind later. It is because you weigh your options and consider different perspectives before making a final decision. Ultimately, what matters is that you come to a decision that aligns with your values and feels right to you.
Mars in Cancer
It's a common experience to find oneself blocked from taking action due to overwhelming emotions. In such moments, rational thinking seems impossible, as you tend to be hindered by your feelings and lose sight of the problem. It's easy to take things personally and fail to see the bigger picture, which can cause you to withdraw entirely and shut down in certain situations. However, suppressing our emotions doesn't make them disappear; it only creates more frustration.
Cancer Mars individuals are known to be emotional and sensitive. However, at times, they tend to suppress their emotions, which can lead to stress and anxiety. They need to find a way to express their emotions healthily. They should not fear their feelings, as they are part of who they are.
It is important to note that Cancer Mars individuals should not let their emotions control their actions. Instead, they should find a balance between their emotions and rational thinking. By doing so, they can achieve their goals without being too hard on themselves.
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Mars in Leo
It's common for your pride and fear of failure to become significant barriers to action. Your initial reaction may be to ignore the problem and shift the blame onto someone else. Meanwhile, your fear of failure can be so overwhelming that you become paralyzed and unable to take action.
You may have an intense desire to be the best, but the thought of failing in front of others can be terrifying. It can cause you to hesitate and second-guess yourself, preventing you from taking the necessary steps to solve the problem. Ultimately, it would help if you recognized that failure is an inevitable part of the learning process and that it's okay to make mistakes. The key is to persevere and learn from your failures, using them as stepping stones to future success.
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Mars in Virgo
Do you ever find yourself stuck in a cycle of planning and strategizing, only to feel like your plans are never perfect enough to put into action? This mindset can be incredibly limiting, causing you to hold back from taking action because you fear failure or losing control. It can be challenging to balance caution and action; sometimes, your desire for control over every little detail can become paralyzing.
The fear of chaos and uncertainty can be so overwhelming that you spend too much time analyzing and overthinking, causing the problem to worsen. It's important to recognize when pursuing perfection hinders your progress and to take imperfect action to move toward your goals.
Also, you tend to overthink your problems, thinking about every scenario that may or may not happen. Ultimately, you can't see the bigger picture.
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Mars in Libra
At times, it's not uncommon for this placement to feel stuck and unsure of which direction to take. One possible reason for this could be indecisiveness. Overanalyzing and weighing the pros and cons of every action can make decision-making a daunting task.
Additionally, if you're in a co-dependent relationship, you may rely heavily on your partner's opinion when it comes to making choices. It can lead to planning your actions based on your partner's life rather than your own. If you recognize these tendencies in yourself, it's important to be mindful and make sure you're making decisions that align with your own desires and goals.
Mars in Scorpio
You possess a remarkably vibrant and tenacious personality, with Mars in Scorpio accentuating your drive and passion. However, this may lead you to adopt an "all or nothing" approach toward your endeavors, and it can be challenging for you to regulate your resources effectively, resulting in a sense of stagnation and frustration. Perhaps you've been pushing yourself too hard, and now you're feeling burnt out and unproductive. In such cases, taking a break and restoring your energy levels is crucial.
Moreover, your inclination towards being overly cautious, suspicious, and fearful may also hinder you from taking necessary actions. You can perceive what is hidden beneath the surface, which could instill a sense of doubt and hesitation in you, making it difficult to trust your gut and act on your instincts. However, balancing prudence and action is essential to accomplish your objectives and success.
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Mars in Sagittarius
Sagittarius Mars individuals are known for their enthusiastic and adventurous spirit. They are full of inspiration and ideas, always seeking new experiences and challenges to conquer. However, the problem with having so many interests and passions is that it can be difficult to focus all their energy on just one thing.
Sagittarius Mars natives constantly seek new opportunities and adventures, often feeling restless when stuck in one place or situation for too long. They crave variety and excitement, which can make it challenging to commit to a single project or goal. They may start multiple endeavors at once, only to lose interest or become distracted before they can see them through to completion.
While this can be frustrating for those around them, Sagittarius Mars individuals do not lack motivation or drive. They have too many interests and passions to pursue and struggle to choose just one. They may benefit from finding ways to channel their energy and focus on a particular goal or project while still allowing themselves the freedom to explore their other interests on the side.
Overall, Sagittarius Mars individuals have a lot of potential and creativity. Still, they may need to improve their focus and discipline to achieve their goals and dreams.
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Mars in Capricorn
Capricorn Mars individuals are known for their dedication, persistence, and strategic thinking. They approach their goals with a powerful and determined mindset, willing to put in the hard work and effort to succeed. However, to truly excel, they need to have a goal they genuinely believe in and are passionate about.
Setbacks or obstacles do not easily deter Capricorn Mars natives. They are willing to put in the time and effort to achieve their goals and understand that success often requires a long-term approach. They are strategic thinkers who identify opportunities and plan their actions accordingly.
However, Capricorn Mars individuals may need a clear goal or purpose to channel their energy and focus. They need a driving force, a reason to invest their time and effort into a particular project or endeavor. They may benefit from reflecting on their values and priorities and identifying a goal that aligns with these beliefs.
Once they have a goal, Capricorn Mars individuals are a force to be reckoned with. They are willing to put in the hard work and dedication necessary to succeed and are not easily swayed by distractions or setbacks. They are powerful and determined, capable of achieving great things when they have a clear purpose and goal driving them forward.
Overall, Capricorn Mars individuals are powerful and strategic thinkers, but they need a strong sense of purpose and belief to excel truly. With a clear goal in mind, they can achieve great things and make a lasting impact in their chosen field.
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Aquarius Mars
An Aquarius Mars person may get easily distracted from their goals by idealization. They tend to have a very idealistic approach to life, sometimes leading to a lack of focus and direction. They may become so absorbed in their dreams and ideals that they lose sight of the practical steps they need to take to achieve their goals. As a result, they may find themselves constantly starting new projects without ever following through on any of them. They need to learn to balance their idealism with a practical approach to achieving their goals.
An Aquarius Mars person has their Mars in a fixed sign, meaning they have the tenacity and determination to achieve whatever they put their mind to. However, they can sometimes get bogged down by their own idealism and lofty goals. To truly let their genius ideas bloom, they need to learn to let go of their idealization and embrace a more flexible approach. By doing so, they can harness their natural creativity and innovation to achieve great things and impact the world.
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Pisces Mars
Pisces Mars individuals are known for their heightened intuition and empathetic nature. They possess a deep sense of compassion that enables them to connect with people on a deeper level. However, they may need help with logical thinking and practicality due to their tendency to get lost in their own thoughts and emotions. As a result, they may find it challenging to stay focused and organized, leading to a lack of structure in their lives. Additionally, their inclination towards idealism and vivid imagination may cause them to get lost in illusions and daydreams. Despite these challenges, their intuitive and compassionate nature allows them to offer a unique perspective and a deep understanding of others.
Lack of structure doesn't allow them to achieve goals persistently. These individuals start blaming themselves for not being good enough and get lost in regret and old traumas. You need to add some structure to your life in a way that works for you. You need to use all your senses to understand which kind of routine works for you.
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starplanes · 25 days
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A (5 star) review of Bury Your Gays, by @drchucktingle!
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I read this book in one sitting. I did not plan to read this book in one sitting, but I could not put it down, accepting that my lunch break was now an extended reading break. Bury Your Gays was just that good.
It starts simple. Screenwriter Misha has been told by his exec that the season finale of his show must out, then kill the two leads. He needs to bury his gays because the board has determined it's where the money is. Misha says no. Then starts getting stalked by his (definitely fictional, right?) characters from other shows. Either Misha developed some incredible supernatural powers in that meeting, or something more sinister is at work…
Bury Your Gays illustrates why queer people should be allowed to tell the stories they want to tell, instead of being made to use queerbating, tragic tropes, or fake relentless optimism in the name of corporate Pride. It's a story about the queer struggle to find oneself in a world that makes it so, so hard. There's a lot of love for the queer community poured into this book, and oh does it shines. I especially adored the ace rep - and the concept of ace rep as a plot point. I shall not explain further. However, I am more scared than ever of the corporatization of Pride.
Bury Your Gays also criticizes capitalism's monetization of tragedy and exploitation of workers. It explores what happens when ethics are ignored in the name of an ever-growing profit margin, to the point where the bottom line becomes a near-sentient thing. It leans into the horrors of AI and data-mining by combining the two and going all the way with it. Chuck Tingle has acknowledged all my fears of black box algorithms and also made them ten times worse. Truly a feat! I will be sleeping with my router off!
It's a masterpiece of horror, both visceral and psychological. Since the main character is a horror writer, the story is very genre aware. There's a lot of fun to be had in the tale of "writer being followed by the monsters he wrote," and certainly no small amount of terror. It gets gory here and there, with plenty of suspense in between. Hints are laid out for the reader, enough where I was occasionally able to predict what was coming just a page or two before it landed. My jaw dropped multiple times! The writing is descriptive enough to pull you right in (and gross you out!), and it's paced near-perfectly. There's all these little moments sprinkled in that elevate the whole story, from fun references of other work to subtle clues you'll only catch on a reread.
This book will be living in my head rent-free from now on. It's about so many things and yet has interwoven them all perfectly. Fans of classic horror movies will love this story. Those of us fed up with AI generated trash will love it. Anyone who joined a WGA picket line will love it. Asexuals fed up with lack of representation will love it. People who watched multiple seasons of Supernatural will love it. Is that you? Go pick up Bury Your Gays. Be scared, be sad, be angry. But also validated, loved, and joyful.
TLDR: Read this book when it comes out on July 9!
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How do I figure out what motions/handlings to write? (Hand gestures, moving in the scene, etc).
I am autistic and have never paid much attention to the way people move. I only do so now because I have been reading and noticed it was missing from my own writing. I never see anyone struggle with this, so I feel like I am missing some understanding on how to structure a scene
Guide: Working Body Language Into Your Writing
Body language is the process of communicating nonverbally through conscious or unconscious movements of the body.
Th four types of body language:
-- Facial Expressions -- Posture -- Hand Gestures -- Body Movement
Facial Expressions communicate thought and emotion using the features of the face, such as eyes, mouth, nose, and eyebrows. Some examples of facial expressions are:
-- an upturned mouth -- dimples -- a raised eyebrow -- flushed cheeks -- a scrunched nose -- rolling eyes -- gaping jaw -- eye signals (winking, narrowed eyes, twinkling eyes, etc.)
Posture communicates thought and emotion using the positioning of the body, head, and limbs. Some examples of posture:
-- sitting up straight -- slouching -- leaning toward someone -- hugging oneself -- crossed arms -- hands on hips -- slumped shoulders
Hand gestures communicate thought and emotion using intentional movements of the hand. Some examples of hand gestures:
-- pointing -- "face palm" -- waving -- beckoning with hand or finger -- thumbs up -- middle finger -- clenched fists -- covering mouth with hand -- placing hand over heart -- gesturing at someone/something -- clapping
Body movements communicate thought and emotion using bigger actions, like gestures using the head/neck or limbs, or moving the entire body. Some examples of body movements:
-- jumping up and down -- cowering -- flinching -- bowing/curtsying -- handshakes/hugs -- hitting/kicking/pushing -- taking a step back -- moving toward -- shrugging -- shaking head/nodding -- tipping head back -- dancing in place Choosing Body Language to Show Emotion
A character's thoughts and emotions can be conveyed using a combination of different body language signals. Every body language signal (such as a wink, smile, frown, shrug, wave, etc.) has a bunch of emotions it can be tied to.
For example, we all know that smiling is typically a sign of positive emotions like happiness, joy, satisfaction, triumph, and affection. Shrugging is usually an indication of indifference or not knowing something. However, we can also modify body language using adjectives. For example, a "nervous smile" or a "sad smile" tells us something very different from just a regular smile. An "apathetic shrug" clarifies indifference, whereas an "enthusiastic shrug" implies excitement about something but not having all the answers or facts.
Sometimes, choosing the right emotion to illustrate a character's thoughts and feelings is as simple as considering what you yourself might do in that moment. Or, perhaps someone you know who is like your character. Other times, it can be beneficial to research which body language signals are typically indicative of a particular emotion. For that, I would strongly recommend purchasing a copy of The Emotion Thesaurus by Becca Puglisi and Angela Ackerman. This handy reference lists a variety of emotions along with the body language that often indicate them, and it goes even further in that it also describes the internal sensations that often go with these emotions, which is handy when you're writing in first-person or third-person close/limited. The book is available for purchase in print and e-book, and you can find samples by searching for "One Stop for Writers Emotion Thesaurus."
I hope that helps!
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orangelala · 12 days
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the dare - c.s
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female reader x chris sturniolo
summary: it's been months since you both last seen each other, what happens when two old flames reignite and the secret is out?
warnings: angst to fluff? use of y/n, mentions of possible regret, some mention of not taking care of oneself, kissing (lots of dialog, back and forth povs)
requested for part two by @nicksmainbitch
word count: 2,284 words (not proof read)
it's been three almost four months since chris has last seen you. making it difficult for him to leave the house, let alone his room. his brothers having to drag him out the house to make youtube videos and to socialize again. chris couldn't, what he did to you ached him in unbearable ways. he wishes to know how you were. wishes to feel your presence, how you roamed your small hands into his hair as he kissed softly on your neck, and hearing small little giggles and moans leaving your mouth. how you fit perfectly into him. you were his other half.
you on the other hand, you struggled. dealing with all the pregnancy symptoms alone. morning sickness, night sweats, cravings, dizziness, everything you wanted to experience with chris as he helped. but here you were sitting in your now apartment you rented almost five weeks back. deciding it was best to get a place of your own. as much as you appreciated all your friends help, you needed a place of your own for you and your baby on the way.
bills were unfortunately piling up and as much as you didn't want to leave your spot in your bed or the couch, you were going to have to get back to work eventually. calling your boss, hoping to explain your situation and if it's okay to go from full to part time, just for right now. as you wait for a response back you decided to go to the store to pick up some groceries as you started to come down to the last bit of your essentials. you could easily doordash them but with bills stacking it's best to go in person.
you walk to your room once again to get ready, grabbing a pair of jeans that were once upon baggy, a crewneck that you folded up a bit so it's somewhat cropped and your slippers as they seen to be the only thing comfortable on your feet. starting your car and heading towards the store. you get out to grab a cart and head inside. grabbing some snacks, wishing you ate before you came so you weren't just getting your cravings at the moment. you walk towards the produce.
back with chris, his brothers are about to head out for the day, trying to get him to go so he can get out. protesting multiple times he finally caves, grabbing some sweatpants, a hoodie and some airforces walking to the garage looking at the car as nick and matt were already in waiting for him. the whole time chris had one thing on his mind, you. reminiscing back on memories as he looked out the window. matt looks at nick through the review mirror giving nick a worried look as chris has yet to say anything, no music, no nothing it was too quiet.
dragging chris from the gas station, a friend's house to pick up something, and now entering the store. chris ends up walking away from nick and matt as he heads down the chip isle to get his favorite honey barbeque fritos which were yours as well. hesitating to grab a bag, he looks to his right as he smells your perfume. the same perfume that lingered around his room constantly, the same scent that was stuck on his clothes that he refuses to touch as it's the last thing he has of you. that's why he lays in his room, you still linger around him.
looking at the person in front of him, seeing a small figure. it reminded him of you. he rubbed his eyes and thought he was hallucinating the thought of you again, turning back around to grab the chips and walk away which is cut off quickly as he hears a familiar and comforting voice. "chris? is that you?" you say making chris just stand there wondering if his brain is playing tricks on him. turning around slowly facing you now. he feels so at ease and he looks at you, scanning your beautiful but yet tired face. seeing the discomfort and sadness that overcame the joyful girl he once knew.
knowing that he made her that way, he moves his eyes from her face to chest as it starts to raise up fast and lower to her stomach, making his eyes widen. she's pregnant, chris thought to himself. your pregnant with his baby. he steps forward "hi y/n" he says putting his head down immediately, making you pull your crewneck down. "um it's good to see you" you say trying to break the ice. this is so awkward you both thought, you can feel the tension between you two from a mile away.
"it's good to see you too," chris says, lifting up his head to smile. you hear chris's name being called by who you assume is matt. you quickly take out a piece of paper from your purse and write down an address and hand it to chris. "here, come over around seven. so we can talk" you say, giving him a small smile and quickly walk away. chris looks down at the paper and smiles. happy you're willing to speak to him again. he puts the paper in his pocket and walks towards the direction of his name being called.
the whole way home he's looking at time on his phone and bouncing his leg up and down nervously wondering what your going to say, but most importantly he can't stop thinking about the fact your pregnant. pregnant with his baby. you both talked about children, but it had sadden him knowing you spent what he's guessing the first five, maybe six months without him.
chris quickly gets out of the car as soon as matt drives up the driveway into the garage and goes to his room to take a shower. he takes a shower and starts getting ready, he looks at clock and it now reads 6:15pm, he pulls out his phone and puts in the address you gave him so see how long it takes. reading it takes about twenty minutes, chris walks out his room and heads up the stairs to ask matt if he can take him. matt agrees feeling a sigh of relief that his brother is willing to go out again. matt and chris let nick know they are going and that matt will be back soon.
chris and matt are now in the car, chris is giving the directions and finally pulling up to the apartment complex almost thirty minutes later. matt asked who chris was visiting and not wanting to get his own feelings worked up he smiled and said a friend. getting out and saying goodbye to matt as matt drives away.
you on the other hand, you are beyond nervous. not knowing what to wear and wondering if your apartment is tidy up enough for him. feeling all these emotions and feelings flood through you as you think about all the nights you've cried for chris. wanting to call or text him to come over. for him to just hold you. tell you all of what happened was something you both could put past you, but you had thought since what had happened he possibly didn't want anything to do with you. you were wrong as he agreed to come over, as least you think he did. watching the clock as it feels like you've been sitting for forever.
chris knocks on your door, and you immediately jump up and walk towards the door. closing your eyes for a brief moment and taking a deep breath before opening the door. "hi, come in please" you say opening the door wider for him. chris steps in and stands to the side as you close the door and guide you both to the living room. he looks around and compliments your apartment. "you have a great place, it suits you" he says smiling now sitting on the couch.
"thank you, would you like anything?" you say before walking away for the kitchen. "no im okay love-" chris stops himself immediately as he realizes what he had said. you feel your heart sink as he said it. you haven't heard that nickname in so long. "im sorry- it just slipped out" you says quickly. "hey, it's okay" you say as you walk back with a water, placing it on the table in front of you and taking your time to sit down.
chris notices and moves some pillows so your more comfortable, "thank you" you say again smiling. chris nods waiting for you to say something. "so.." you both say in sync making you both laugh. chris felt alot more comfortable hearing your laugh as it became his favorite thing. "well i guess the secret is out" you say hesitantly. "yeah, i- i guess it is" chris says wondering if he should move closer or not. "how um how far along are you?" chris says looking down at his fingers. "almost six months" you say choked up.
all you can think to yourself is how awkward this is, you were going to speak again but you are beaten by chris speaking first. "look y/n im so sorry, i should've never did what i did. never should've did that dare. i had feelings for you at first but buried them when i thought you didn't feel the same. so when the dare had came up when everyone was playing truth or dare i took it as an opportunity, i get this sounds like an excuse but it's the truth. i'd never want to hurt you, it's literally the last thing i wanted to do" chris says as tears start to come down his face.
you were going to speak but he cuts you off once again "- i know you didn't want anything to do with me, trust me i wouldn't want anything to do with me either. but i love you, i love you so much. you are all i think about from the moment i wake up to the moment my eyes close at night. it was us. i wanted- i want to spend my life with you and now-" chris says moving closer and puts his hand on your belly. "- and now our baby" he continues with tears down his face as he holds onto you.
"chris" you say softly. but you think chris didn't hear you as his sobs surround the room. "chris" you say again but more louder as you cup his face. "you hurt me chris, you really did. but this whole time you were the only person i thought of, it was so hard leaving the house and have conversations with people. i didn't- i don't want to do this pregnancy alone. i want to do it with you, the man i fell inlove with." you say with now your eyes swelling with tears. chris looks at you "does this mean?" he says swiping his eyes. "yes chris, im willing to try this again. but i swear to god if you hurt me- hurt us again. that's it" you say but chris cups your face immediately and kisses you passionately, and pulling away to pepper you in kisses. in between kisses he thanks you a million times. "i promise, i won't hurt you again, or you my little one" chris says moving his face to your belly to give it a light kiss.
"do you know the gender?" chris says looking you in the eyes. "well was kind of hoping you'd go with me tomorrow to find out? you say keeping your eyes on him. "i'd love too" he says pulling you back into another kiss. "i want it to be us three, i can't imagine my life with anyone else." he says pulling you into a hug and with the other holding your belly to lightly rub it. "and i can't imagine my life with anyone else" you say taking in his cologne as you missed it.
"so we're obviously passed the talking stage, and im not sure if we should-" chris trys to say but you cut him off "let's just take it small, we just got each other back, but absolutely no secrets right?" you say pulling yourself away and looking him better in his eyes so he knows how serious you are. "no secrets" he says placing a kiss on your forehead.
you just fall into his presence, thinking about your future with him. if it's something you're willing to go through again. you really do believe he's sorry, and you don't want your little girl or boy to grow up without their father. you want to believe he'll do you no harm. part of you is going to wonder if it's best to let go completely, but all you can think about is that other part that craved him this whole time. he made you so happy when you were with him.
he was originally supposed to be your forever in the first place right? so why can't he be it now. you take a deep breath and close your eyes. that night you both fell asleep in each other's arms. this was going to be the story you tell your children that with the right person you will find your way to each other. it's just your decision if your willing to take the risk or not. let's just say you took that risk, do you regret it? part of you does, but your love for him is so much stronger, all you do is bury it and spend the rest of your life with him and your child.
a/n: was abousltley not going to write a part two, but it was requested alot. this could be so much better, meaning the ending, but i gave up wondering if it should be a good one or not. but i put you guys in enough pain the first part, so here's this. hope you like. love you 🧡
tags: @astronomysturniolos @nicksmainbitch @sturniolossss @sturnlova @samandcolbyfan22
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The Path of Evolution of Nakshatra Yonis
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In traditional Vedic Astrology, every Nakshatra is attributed an animal, that explains its primal, instinctive nature. Yoni, besides its sexual connotations literally means "nature" and "origin", implying that our human nature is going to be similar to that given animal, indicating a level of similarity in fate, spiritually. Yoni energy, in collective consciousness, is what originated people saying that "a Tiger cannot change its stripes", just like we can't change our natural instincts.
The fate of Yoni energies, however, is not stagnant, as it indicates a certain path of evolution. The animal characteristics point to changing one's roles within the species. They are symbolic as to the instinctual nature that we take among other people, and how that evolved over time.
The best, brief description of Animal Yonis, translated by a native Indian can be found here, and after years of my own study and analysing the work of other astrologers also, I find this explanation to be very congruent with the reality of people's behaviors, coming from their Nakshatras.
Below, I will give an explanation of how each yoni grows over time using Nakshatra pairs.
Sheep Yoni - Krittika, Pushya
The name of the Yoni is in fact translated more to "Herder" or "Shepherd" rather than Sheep, another entry even translating Mesh to "The Best Guidance". That showcases the gentle, caring form of leadership that this Yoni is supposed to embody. It also shows the path of being born as one of the masses that leads them to becoming a leader of the flock. That contrast occurs through a simple truth in the Universe, that there are those who start waves, who "herd", those that initiate, or those who blindly follow, thus becoming "sheep". These Nakshatras are very strict, even black and white in embodying a simple truth, that if you don't dictate the current of your own life well, you will end up being swept away in the current dictated by somebody else. We all make decisions all the time, and if our actions are self destructive in face of opportunity, we won't ultimately arrive at the right place. The Universe at large is of course more complex than that, but for these natives, this idea is what charts their spiritual path. These natives karma is to undergo an evolution from being a "blind sheep", having an energetic poverty mentality and obsessing over feeling wanted through other people's approval to proudly showcasing oneself into a nurturing, guiding figure that cares about the well being of its people and cares for their sensitivity, as sheep are very delicate animals, get spooked easily, and herding them requires quite a skill, yet they still respond to natural confidence. It also shows this Yoni's attachment to working with common people in simple communities with a grass roots philosophy. The struggle for this Yoni is believing in themselves, their correct path and their own leadership power, as their emotional association and attachment with the masses and the common man can give them quite an inferiority complex early on in life and cause them to try to follow and imitate rather than lead, and their leadership is something they must create themselves, not something given to them or encouraged from birth. They key is to be a leader not out of ego, but out of love and service.
2. Snake Yoni - Rohini, Mrigashira
The Snake, just like the wildly misinterpreted biblical symbol, referred to in this Yoni is symbolic for a Kundalini awakening. Rather than the animal itself, which is associated more with Ashlesha Nakshatra, this Yoni relates purely to the awakening of our life force through passage of time and surviving certain events. The Yoni name in sanskrit translates to performance of gentle, cautious movements, slowly over time to the point of testing its subjects and bringing them to the point of torture. This test is necessary, as Kundalini awakenings and working with one's spiritual progress does not happen overnight, and without merit. These natives feel a significant pressure to awaken their energy, which initially can manifest as flightiness and careless, scattered romantic and sexual behavior. That happens on a subconscious level, as this Yoni tries to apply pressure to their kundalini energy from different angles in different forms through other people, and some of that experience has to be physical. They are naturally talented at accessing other people's kundalini points too, which can make them seem manipulative, but they in fact have the power to trigger a spiritual awakening not only in themselves but in others, which also will manifest as physical abundance. Often they have to go through very intense experiences for their kundalini to burst through. Their evolution has a deeply spiritual dimension, that transforms their energy from restless to rhythmic. As their consciousness is rising, the Kundalini is recoiling into purpose of energy mastery through transformation of both material and spiritual. The dharmic nature of this Yoni shows the importance of righteousness for these natives without looking out for merit, which arrives at its own designated time.
3. Dog Yoni - Ardra, Mula
The direct translation of this Yoni indicates the concept of being "easily attracted or captivated" or "easily attracting due to emitting an attractive sounding noise". Thus, these natives have issues with bondage to other people since their early lives. The challenge set before this Yoni is discipline and dignity, and finding their winning place in hierarchy. They have a pack mentality, and they tend to be picky but unwavering in support. However, that also makes them very frantic in earlier life, as their loyalty often gets the better of them and they are generous even to their own detriment, not looking where the pack leads them, because the concept of being "packless" scares them. As a result, they "bind" themselves to people not worthy of their loyalty, instead of embracing their power to control worthy others in an organized fashion. Their evolution is meant to go from Loyal to Steady, as they become more self assured and less reactive, and as a result, they attract their own tribe. The spiritual understanding here, is that one will always naturally attract their own tribe, and you are never truly alone, and you should not be afraid of restraint and self-focus leading to loneliness, as ultimately, your people will find you. These natives have an inbred discernment of who really is loyal to them and to their cause, as they know that a pack can only survive and function if its built on solid ground.
4. Cat Yoni - Punarvasu, Ashlesha
Anyone who has ever owned a cat knows, that these animals not only love to clean themselves constantly, but they also love laying down on you, whenever you are ill or unwell, and their natural frequency has a healing vibration. Sadly for these natives, early on in life that means attracting a lot of damaged people, or being the one that has to energetically clean up situations, even if it's just friends and family. In their youth, they are born or forced into environments that are not good for them, because of their burden of erasing destructive karmas. Such is the original karma of this yoni, as they are sent to clean up messes and "gather and purify" energies in places and environments, where they are needed to balance out stagnant situations, that no-one else can or wants to help with. Over time, this scenario gets old, as the natives themselves get blamed and pegged for the difficult situations they came into to help, as the people they work with are too low spiritually to acknowledge the truth of their own destructive actions, which is why they were targeted for this Yoni's "karma cleaning" force field to begin with. In reality, this Yoni natives suffer a lot of damage and can build up a lot of distrust towards people, just like cats don't immediately show love until you gain their trust. Their lives only get better once they place themselves in a healing profession, so they can channel their karma clearing energy productively, since they can't hold back their instinct of "constantly cleaning up", just like cats constantly clean themselves. Punarvasu is more responsible for emotional, spiritual healing and environmental causes, Ashlesha is more of a physical healer/doctor figure in modern society, because of its links to the caduceus, used in medical science, and its links to poison, as the right dose of poison is medicine. The challenge for these natives is to evolve from absorbing negativity and cleaning up other people's messes endlessly without merit to finding a good environment, and remaining so Pure, that they radiate it and they can contribute to cleaning up world problems on a larger scale, and get fairly recognized for it.
5. Rat Yoni - Magha, Purva Phalguni
The literal translation of this Yoni indicates not only a small rodent, mouse or a rat, but also a thief, and one's ability to gain entry into difficult to enter places sneakily. All of these abilities pertain to how socially skillful this Yoni is, being able to charm its way into various circles and thus "gain entry" into places way above their stature of birth, places one technically shouldn't have the right to be in. The instinctual nature of this Yoni is to cast a wide social net, and charm every single person for their benefit. However, there is a difficulty in settling into place, which can come at one's detriment. This yoni has a challenge of transforming from running around between meaningless people restlessly to circulating intelligently and with purpose. They have an inborn skill of social grace and are able to benefit through wise navigation, but they struggle with choosing and contributing to and moving consciously between meaningful alliances. Often, they manage to charm their interlocutor, only to get to know them better, lose interest and move on. This cycle can continue futilely, until this yoni learns discernment in networking, as their fickle-mindedness can cost them valuable partnerships. Just because one can enter into many places, doesn't mean one should. The other party can sense, that this Yoni isn't fully "settled" into the interaction long term, as they're still keeping their eye out for the next best thing, and as a result, they don't inspire loyalty or trust, which are necessary even if in small amounts for social benefit. In its matured state, this Yoni is able to build a meaningful network over time, being able to convince each of their allies that they are also indispensable to them and make their way up, climbing the social ladder. However, it is also necessary to contribute more than charm to partnerships, as the veneer of pleasantry fades over time, and one is likely to make enemies if not cautious. Thus, learning multiple, substantial skills and building actual character is necessary for this yoni to function well.
6. Cow Yoni - Uttara Phalguni, Uttara Bhadrapada
The literal meaning of this Yoni is translated to "boundless", showing one's energetic ability to provide to all generously, and a heavy quality of pure, positive energy. That is done by associating this name with all possible metaphors for abundance, such as flowing milk, boundless sky, beaming rays of light. The Cow Yoni needs to be understood from the perspective of Hindu culture, where it is a sacred animal. This Yoni refers to a particular purity and grandiosity, mixed with gentleness of nature. However, as we in the Western Society know, cows tend to get mass butchered for the benefit of men, and this Yoni's fate is a mix of approach from both cultures. That reflects the path of this Yoni, that faces a challenge from being taken advantage of to being given a safe space, creating and participating in an organized system and being worshipped for its merit. As they settle into the space that is right for them, they begin naturally spreading their abundance, which leads to getting respect for a wide scope of provision and protection, that their aura provides. They attract people either way, but with status comes ability to control ones worshippers and maintain their safety as opposed to getting taken advantage of. The ultimate goal of this Yoni is to find satisfaction in achievement through abundant sharing while remaining in their secured position, as they are sort of a Universal parent of humanity, meaning to guide, provide for, and control it, rather than being controlled. They need to create a system to "get milked" in a way that's healthy for them, not butchered.
7. Buffalo Yoni - Hasta, Swati
This Yoni possesses within itself an interesting contrast, as the translation has a dual signification. One of them indicates "a person of a lower origin", with specific pointers towards women needing to sell their bodies to survive, and then transformed into "a wife of a king" or "a god on Earth". This duality relates to this Yoni's earthly task, to purify false currents and blow in the winds of true wisdom. Roaming is the word best described to define this Nakshatras nature. Their path is one of dynamic, responsible grace. They are freedom loving and boundless, they don't like to be limited and as a result, early on in life they make mistakes of trampling over people just to rebel and avoid feeling tied down. In another scenario, they themselves get trampled on by others. That takes away their best trump card, which is positively inspiring others, as the truth they carry needs to be heard. Over time, the course they chart becomes more conscious and inspiring to people, as they deep down want to use their freedom for a good reason, and their flair and spirit attract others, who want to feel the fresh breath of wind of manifested spiritual reality with them. Their mission is to go from childish and avoiding of facts and responsibility or struggling, to becoming a unique, genuine freedom fighter with a good cause, a spiritual scientist that has the power to influence crowds yet still remain free spirited. In their refined form, these natives, every time they fly by, bring blessings to their surroundings with a gust of energy current, that they leave behind them, purifying and correcting falsehoods plaguing humanity. They have to be very responsible for the quality of the energy they carry, as what they scatter, will be left behind, and they will be judged and remembered for the fruits of their effort, and their truth. Thus, their natural ability to spread the energy far and wide has to come in pair with integrity, assuring, that what they share is worth spreading.
8. Tiger Yoni - Chitra, Vishakha
The meaning of this Yoni is directly translated to potency and readiness. More than a tiger itself, the name translates to "A Vibration that Causes Manifestation", but also "restless, agitated" and "exposed to dangers". The energy here is purely rajasic, concentrated on one's ability to obtain and manifest one's desires, but it also talks about the fact, that there will always be those, who are against you fulfilling your desires because people don't always want our good, and you getting them is contingent upon overcoming that opposition. The goal of this Yoni is to discover its immense inner power on the path from prey to predator. As another catlike Yoni, they are rarely born into circumstances fitting them, and they have to fight for their position in the Jungle of life. Their road develops from being hunted to hunting after their goals, from stumbling to graceful and intimidating. The power here is to go for what you want, regardless of opposition. Deep down these natives are powerfully sneaky, being able to influence or intimidate people to get what they want and elevate themselves out of difficult circumstances. They face the challenge of overcoming negative attachment and betrayal of people who question their authority, which is exactly what pushes them to embrace their power. Side note, please watch Katy Perry's "Roar" music video, it is so cliché of this Yoni it borderlines on hilarity.
9. Deer Yoni - Anuradha, Jyeshta
The main characteristic of this yoni, is that they are always in motion. They rarely pause, and they are very cautious and weary of enemies. This Yoni is not actually associated with the Deer itself, but with hunting, and chasing, Sanskrit even giving referrals to hyenas, showing the ruthlessness of their pursuits. The key element here is conquering fear of opposition, as this Yoni is closely linked to the Sacral Chakra, which cannot be expressed in a state of fear. The name of the Yoni also means relentless, which indicates that to achieve one's goal, one must have continuous persistence in face of opposition, until no-one dares to challenge them. Their path is one of developing merit and achievements over time stemming from their relentless pursuit of a worthy goal. They are supposed to move forward from blind ambition towards meaningful contribution and protecting their work for their work's sake. It is very important for them to have an outlet, as they become attacking and destructive when lost and not contributing to anything meaningful, just to deal with their inner restlessness and their desire to hunt or chase for something. They need to have an external endeavor to obtain, something to seek or strive after, as they delight more in the hunt than the tasting of the reward.
10. Alien Yoni - Purva Ashadha, Shravana
The traditional name of this Yoni is associated with a Monkey, but it is due to a lack of precision in understand the nature of these natives. It is true, that they have to learn how to navigate and exist among humanity through imitation, just like Monkeys navigate the jungle, but that is a gross understatement of their higher nature, as deep down, they are "not from here". The confusion with the monkey also comes from calling these natives "a mysterious creature that appeared in the forest" in Sanskrit. The evolution path of this Yoni is marked with their eccentric nature, as they are the most unique of all the Yonis, possessing a high level of depth due to their connection with otherworldly realms, being literally, not of this world. As a result of their uniqueness, they often feel separated from the rest of humanity in early years. Human beings initially have an impossible time grasping their higher nature, calling them "weird creatures of the forest" and frowning upon them, often abusing them as a result, as what we can't control, we fear. As these natives learn to harness the special gifts they are born with, they become a visionary, which leads them to gathering a following of people who finally appreciate, even worship their irreplaceable contribution, and pure heart that bursts forth through their creations.
11. Mongoose Yoni - Uttara Ashadha
The interesting part of translating the Yoni name for these natives, is that minus the obvious animal connotation, this Yoni can be translated to something akin to "A Spiritual Weapon". The struggle of this Yoni, that is well known is that it exists in a solitary form, possessing its equal only amongst the stars. Yoni matching here is not of interest, as these animals tend to travel in organized packs of their own. There is an element of being misunderstood and ostracized from the rest of the world, which leads them sometimes to questionable means, that they need in order to survive in early life. These means however, never last because these people possess a higher spiritual vibration, that seeks to purify itself. Their path is one from solitude, fear, lack, being hunted and outcast to surrender, enlightenment and brotherhood. They have a unique ability to establish a higher connection to the entire universe through equating people with nature. As much as they are without a consort, they can instinctively smell the nature of all other yonis. These natives are of such an advanced nature, that they understand our human selves are ultimately only tools in ascension and freeing your energy, which is their true goal, and their only real interest on this planet, since they operate mostly from the higher chakras.
12. Lion Yoni - Dhanishta, Purva Bhadrapada
The aspect of the Lion, coming from this Yoni's name comes from its dignified, steady posture, emitting calmness and pride, much like the dignified, yogic, lotus position, pertaining to the spiritual dignity of steadiness in form. The theme of saving face is very strong with this Yoni, as they are taught not to show weakness and preserve their stance since birth. They tend to get angry easily in earlier life, as they are naturally rebellious, independent, touchy, reactive and territorial. However, even if they are not born into status, they are born into a family that put an emphasis of making an impression and maintaining a certain position, even among obstacles. The key is to learn how to make being authentically oneself look good, and maintain one's dignity even as people oppose their natural, chosen path. Their path is one from laziness and reactivity to pride and dignity in face of adversity. Developing nobility of spirit is essential, as they need to be unflinching on their way up. If they develop a mix of internal integrity and an ability to present a good façade and a strong posture, they become very charismatic and inspiring, as their courage and determination is a guiding light for the world. They embody the spiritual meaning of appearances.
13. Horse Yoni - Shatabhisha, Ashwini
The biggest challenge of these natives is to be able to charter a long-term course, which in human life usually has a form of a complex, long term project. That is why both Shatabhisha and Ashwini are linked to the concept of inventing and developing miraculous cures, as this process can sometimes take decades. The other reason for this power they have, is that the name of the Yoni can also be associated with "revitalization". Think of the process of taming a wild horse. Initially, they put up a lot of resistance and they tend to scatter, and run without purpose. But with the right guidance, they can carry enormous burdens and have a lot of stamina, which allows them to traverse huge distances and bridge gaps, leading to novelty. Their path is one of moving from variety mindless pursuits to actually being able to hone in and finish a meaningful task, as they tame their own kundalini spark, that has the power to initiate breakthroughs for all mankind.
14. Elephant Yoni - Bharani, Revati
There is an element of subconscious fear of being consumed in this yoni, as they have an acute awareness of death, mixed with the consciousness of carrying a precious heritage. On their track, as contradictory emotions often go in tandem, they move on from initial timidness to reckless fearlessness, as if to taunt the world. As they mature, they grow into careful judgment and investment, thinking about what they will leave after death. Their path is to grow from being anxious about their fate to trusting in and performing divine judgment and working on their legacy. The challenge to overcome here is to develop an understanding, that death will ultimately come for us all, but our achievements and energetic contribution, as well as really strong, authentic bonds, can transcend that, and so one should be neither reckless nor fearful in the face of one's own mortality. These natives have the power to pour all of their wisdom and enormous energy body to nourish very wide projects, and they also have an inherent spiritual control to accessing huge bodies of energy, as they grow into being able to transcend their own limitations. In that way, they can become a measuring stick for others or even society at large. They are concerned with offspring, as they want to pass their heritage to them as a way of transcending death itself.
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poohsources · 7 months
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🐝  *  ―  𝑨𝑽𝑨𝑻𝑨𝑹: 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑻 𝑨𝑰𝑹𝑩𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.
❛  i'm angry at myself!  ❜ ❛  it's easy to do nothing, it's hard to forgive.  ❜ ❛  you miscalculated. i love them more than i fear you.  ❜ ❛  there is nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you.  ❜ ❛  but now you're not letting yourself feel anything. i know sometimes it hurts more to hope and it hurts more to care. but you have to promise me that you won't stop caring.  ❜ ❛  my own mother thought i was a monster ... she was right of course, but it still hurt.  ❜ ❛  in the darkness, hope is something you give yourself.  ❜ ❛  never forget who you are, for surely the world won't.  ❜ ❛  why am i so bad at being good?  ❜ ❛  it is important to draw wisdom from different places. if you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale.  ❜ ❛  sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.  ❜ ❛  and now you have come to the crossroads of destiny. it's time for you to choose.  ❜ ❛  you may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place.  ❜ ❛  protection and power are overrated. i think you are very wise to choose happiness and love.  ❜ ❛  get over here, [ name ]. being part of the group also means being part of group hugs.  ❜ ❛  stop! stop it right now! what's wrong with you? we don't have time for fun and games with the war going on.  ❜ ❛  i'm too young to die!  ❜ ❛  in my country, we exchange a pleasant 'hello' before asking questions.  ❜ ❛  i didn't know what or when, but i knew i'd know it when i knew it!  ❜ ❛  the past can be a great teacher.  ❜ ❛  when we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.  ❜ ❛  there really is no fathoming the depths of my hatred for this place.  ❜ ❛  failure is only the opportunity to try again, only more wisely this time.  ❜ ❛  i wanted to take out all of my anger on them. but i couldn't. i don't know if it's because i'm too weak ... or if it's because i'm strong enough not to.  ❜ ❛  look [ name ], you're going to fail a lot before things work out. even though you will fail over and over again, you have to try every time. you can't quit because you're afraid you might fail.  ❜ ❛  while it is always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.  ❜ ❛  you must never give in to despair. allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts.  ❜ ❛  if we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends too?  ❜ ❛  you know, [ name ], i don't care what anyone else says about you. you're pretty smart.  ❜ ❛  if i try, i fail. if i don't try, i'm never going to get it.  ❜ ❛  let your anger out, and then let it go. forgive him.  ❜ ❛  pride is not the opposite of shame, but rather its source. true humility is the only antidote to shame.  ❜ ❛  life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not.  ❜ ❛  the greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same.  ❜ ❛  you stand alone. that has always been your greatest weakness.  ❜ ❛  bad skin? normal teenagers worry about bad skin, i don't have that luxury.  ❜ ❛  in my dream, we were right in the middle of the invasion, and you stopped to use the bathroom. we die because of your tiny bladder.  ❜ ❛  you need to find someone who waits and listens before striking.  ❜ ❛  everyone has to be treated like they're worth giving a chance.  ❜ ❛  i don't need luck, though. i don't want it. i've always had to struggle and fight, and that's made me strong. it's made me who i am.  ❜
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scarlethexelove · 1 month
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There Is Nothing Wrong With You
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I know it says Sorry For Your Loss but it was the only one I could find and this was what I wanted. Also Not mine
Pairing: Wanda x Autistic!Reader
Word Count: 895
Warnings: Barely any angst, Comfort, Fluff, Self-Hatred, A little bit of hitting oneself
A/n: Wanted to write this short little fluff story with Autistic reader. This really has to do with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is also highly linked to ADHD. I can struggle with it just wanted to write a comfort for it. So hopefully others can enjoy.
NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN
Wanda makes her way back to her room. She comes across your door slightly cracked and peers in seeing you sitting on the floor in front of your bed building a Lego set as the tv plays quietly in the background. She slowly opens the door and ventures in shutting the door behind her.
You had been avoiding Wanda all day and if you couldn’t get away you would give her one word answers. She was getting frustrated and upset that you were acting so cold. She was also worried that maybe she had done something to upset you. Wanda had told you something that she thought was minor and you apologized profusely to her not meaning to be upsetting or annoying to her. But you had worked it out and were fine last night when you said your good nights.
You hadn't even noticed Wanda come in until you heard the clicking of your door shutting. You look up at her and immediately wish that you could run, but there is nowhere to go and you know that you will have to deal with this now. Wanda won’t let you go until you talk to her and you know that. 
“Y/n/n what’s wrong? You have been avoiding me all day and when you’re not you are being cold and kind of rude.” Wanda sits down on the floor an arms length away from you. You start to fidget a little and pull your knees to your chest. “I’m sorry.” You look down not wanting to meet her gaze, your voice small. “Is this about last night?” She asks gently, hooking her finger under your chin and lifting your gaze to hers. There are tears already in your eyes as you shake your head trying to stop the tears from falling. She can see the conflict behind your eyes. 
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s not you. I’m the one who is messed up. I mess everything up. I ruin everything. You don’t deserve this. You’re better off without me.” Your words come out fast and broken. Her heart breaking hearing your words. Your left hand threading through your hair as you take your right hand using your palm and hitting it against your head hating yourself hating your brain for making you this way. Continuing to mutter “Stupid, so stupid.” 
Wanda’s hand gently gripping your wrist and pulling them to her chest. Your hands gripping at the top of her shirt as she pulls you into her lap wrapping her arms around you tightly as you begin to sob into her shoulder. She gently rocks the both of you as she whispers reassurances in your ear. Lightly kissing the top of your head, keeping you tightly in her arms calming you slowly.
Once your sobs turn into sniffles Wanda gently pulls you back cupping your face in her hands. She uses the pads of her thumbs to wipe the tears on your cheeks. She is being so soft and tender with you which just makes your hate for yourself even more. She shakes her head with tears in her eyes. “You did not mess anything up and there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect the way you are.” She gives you a tearful smile gently rubbing your cheek. You nuzzle into her hand looking for comfort. “Please don’t ever say I’m better off without you detka. I have not so much already and I can’t lose you too. I would give up the world to see your smile. You mean everything to me.” You can’t help the tears rolling down your cheeks at her words. She gently kisses your forehead, then your nose, and then finally leaves a kiss on your lips before leaning her head on yours. “I love you Y/n.”
More tears stream down your face. You can’t believe Wanda just said I love you. “Really?” Your voice sounds small and hopeful. She tearfully smiles and nods her head. “I love you so much.” She kisses you pouring all the love she has for you into that one kiss leaving you breathless. “I love you too.” You whisper, pressing your head back against hers. The room fills with both of your giggles at the confession. As your giggles die down you both stay there heads pressed together as you bask in the closeness and love. 
“I’m sorry I was being so cold and rude I didn’t mean to.” You break the silence. Wanda shakes her head with a small smile on her face. “Detka I know it is hard for you sometimes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Know that I will always be here for you even if we disagree or argue. I will be patient and understanding of your needs.” You can’t help that more tears are shining in your eyes and you look down. “Thank you Wanda. I-I want to be here for you too.” She lifts your head back up for a kiss. 
“I love you.” Wanda hugs you closer as you bury your head in her neck. “I love you too.” You mumble smiling into her neck. This wasn’t how you thought any of this would go. This is when you know you have the best girlfriend in the world and want to spend the rest of your life with her.
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what people don’t get about percy’s fatal flaw being loyalty is that it isn’t a cop-out resulting from the main character syndrome or rick trying to keep unlikeable traits away from percy–it’s that even a noble trait like loyalty can become bad or fatal to oneself if practiced in extremes. that’s literally the whole point. nothing, absolutely NOTHING is good in excess. that’s why we have the phrase: _____ to a fault. fill in the blank with good attributes all you want, the meaning remains the same. loyalty can and will become a source of moral conflict and self-destruction if not leashed to healthy amounts. and that’s why percy’s extreme loyalty is a flaw because it hurts him and makes him go against the “morally right” thing to do. his loyalty is fatal to his ownself. you cannot call any trait a “good” one if it comes at the cost of harming the one that displays it, can you? loyalty is inherently a good, noble thing to practice but when you stretch it wide, when your personal loyalty to someone blinds you to the hurt it causes others and yourself, when you cannot critique people you’re loyal to (something percy very much struggles with), it becomes a flaw. a fatal one.
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The Realities of Leading a Soft Girl Lifestyle.
(no luxury materials, riches, or social status needed)
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The concept of leading a "soft life" has gained immense popularity on social media. From the emergence of the "soft life" to the adoption of "soft girl era," individuals are striving to embrace and protray this lifestyle.
The merging of the "Soft Life" and "Black Women in Luxury" trends promotes an indulgent and opulent way of living. However, the problem arises when the boundaries between these two trends become blurred, as the Soft Life has become inundated with extravagant and unattainable daily routines and lifestyles, especially during times of economic decline and the widespread influence of social media.
A Life of Ease 🌹
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The term "soft life" originated from Nigerian influencers, and it means rejecting the idea of constantly working hard and instead choosing to live without struggle and stress. This concept has gained popularity among individuals who believe in prioritizing self-care, relaxation, and enjoying the pleasures of life. Embracing the soft life means acknowledging that life is not solely about hustling and grinding, but also about finding balance and taking time to recharge.
In a society that often glorifies busyness and equates success with non-stop productivity, the soft life offers a refreshing perspective. It encourages individuals to slow down and appreciate the little joys in life, such as spending quality time with loved ones, indulging in hobbies, or simply taking a leisurely walk in nature. It emphasizes the importance of self-care practices, such as getting enough sleep, engaging in regular exercise, and nourishing oneself with healthy, delicious meals.
Living the soft life does not mean completely shirking responsibilities or neglecting one's ambitions. It is about finding a healthy equilibrium between work and leisure, and recognizing that constant stress and burnout are not sustainable in the long run. By prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries, individuals can maintain their well-being and find fulfillment in both their personal and professional lives.
The Marketing Scheme 📈
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Due to the widespread fascination with living a comfortable and luxurious lifestyle, as well as the growing trend of promoting businesses highlighting affluent Black women, companies have cleverly targeted their audience and capitalized on this interest.
Their approach has transformed the concept of a relaxed and efficient lifestyle into a profitable strategy, enticing consumers to indulge in products endorsed by their beloved social media influencers or ones that are beyond the reach of the average individual's income.
📌 What We Want You To Focus On:
Strive for a balanced and stress-free lifestyle that fits your budget! We want to make it clear that you don't have to give up on things like a $300 facial or $100 yoga pants. We encourage everyone to pursue the life they want. What we're saying is, don't feel pressured or inferior if you choose to do an at-home manicure, light your favorite Target candles, and enjoy a glass of wine in your bathtub at home. The true essence of a fulfilling life is finding a balance between increasing your savings and reducing stress throughout the day. It doesn't require a specific price tag on the items used to do so.
Yes, Two Things Can Be True At Once.
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Indeed, the well-known concept of "black women in luxury" is a way of leading a comfortable life, but the context of this aesthetic is solely dependent on financial means.
However, Living a stress-free life is primarily determined by an individual's behaviors and mindset rather than their financial status.
Life Tip: Having the right mindset leads to a luxurious lifestyle, but a luxurious lifestyle without a well-balanced mindset can lead to destruction.
Follow us on INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK 🫶🏽
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faggotfungus · 10 months
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The Struggle to Right Oneself © 2001-2014 | KERRY SKARBAKKA
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lena-in-a-red-dress · 10 months
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All the Love, Supercorp ficlet
"Do you love me?"
The question comes soft and uncertain. Lena stops in her tracks, her soliloquy on why Kara should NOT sacrifice herself for the nth time grinding to a shuddering halt.
"Excuse me?"
Kara swallows thickly. "We promised no more secrets. I know how I feel about you, and I think you do too." She meets Lena's gaze with eyes that glimmer in the light. "Now I-- I'd like to know how you feel about me."
Lena's heart thunders in her chest, breath stolen. She struggles to reorient herself, and tries to buy herself enough time to do so.
"There are many kinds of love--"
"Yes," Kara says, nodding with all the solemnity of a diligent student in the classroom. "Humans are known to love in 8 predominant ways:
"Philia, or platonic love, as demonstrated between close friends.
"Pragma, the enduring love that persists across time.
"Storge-- the love for family, by blood or by bond.
"Ludus, playful love: the bond of humor and flirtation, regardless of age.
"Mania, or obsessive love. All consuming.
"Philautia. The love shown to oneself, the strongest foundation of all other love.
"Agape: selfless love, without expectation or transaction, given without strings. And--"
Kara pauses then, her features soft, vulnerable.
"Eros," she murmurs, with the weight of years unspoken. "Romantic love."
Lena's throat locks. She takes a quiet breath, the air trembling in her lungs. Her eyes remain locked on Kara's, unable to look away.
Kara steps forward, around the edge of the table between them.
"Do you love me, Lena?"
"Yes." The answer escapes with Lena's next breath. She can barely think, let alone move as Kara moves ever closer.
"In what way?" Kara presses gently. Lena has, after all, eight to choose from.
The truth surges from Lena and she makes no effort to curb it.
"All of them," she confesses, cheeks heating with a warmth that spreads down her neck to her chest, taking root around her heart. "Every way."
As a friend-- Lena would die happy to keep Kara in her life, whether this moment happened or not. There is no time, no reality in which Lena did not love Kara Zor-el, Lena is certain of it. Kara is a part of her now, part of her family, in a way Lex and Lillian never were.
She feels it every time Kara smiles, when Kara cracks a corny joke that has Lena laughing despite herself. At times, it feels as though Kara has permeated every fragment of Lena's life, and Lena still wants more. But even then, Lena retains the core of who she is-- herself that seems to shine brighter to be loved by Kara. And in being loved, Lena has been shown how to love herself, and everything she is.
Lena wants Kara-- in every way Kara will give. She thinks she's loved Kara since the moment she stepped into her office at L-Corp, a lifetime and reality ago. She'd wanted to ask Kara to drinks, to dinner, to bed from the first, but the moment never felt quite right-- until Lena found herself squarely in a friendship and looking on while Kara continued to date another person.
But the want never disappeared.
"In all the ways a person can love, I love you," Lena whispers.
Kara's hand slides across the tabletop to cover hers, their hips almost touching. When Kara tilts her head, their foreheads touch.
"So, please," Lena continues. "Let us help you."
Kara nods against Lena, giving her hand a squeeze.
"Okay."
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pluviophiliced · 5 months
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“Not moving on is worse.”
In the context of season two, I struggle to reconcile the intersection of sincerity and comedy, and the idea of what pains and traumas we are meant to understand at the deeper level of what trauma is with those that serve only the purpose of comedic timing. This isn’t limited to one character, but rather to the season as a whole.
Season one highlighted childhood trauma and the ability to move on from that, becoming the best adult version of oneself possible. We see this evident in Ed, Stede, and Jim specifically as we are allowed to explore their pasts and their traumas — and we can presume that no one on the crew of the Revenge is without trauma (Fang’s dog, anyone?) of some kind that they carry with them. Stede handles his traumas and how to process them through running away and avoiding the issue until he no longer can. Ed does something similar, though he is able to craft a facade to use as a shield and a weapon, even if he never delivers a killing blow himself. Jim dedicates their life to revenge.
We witness all of these characters allow the defining characteristic of love to be allowing themselves to be saved and valued for who they are — not for what they can offer.
When season two opens, we as an audience see Ed at, arguably, his worst (I say arguably because we didn’t see Blackbeard in his prime, so… do with that what you will, I suppose). We see how this affects beloved and treasured characters, as well as new characters that we have yet to fall in love with. We see Fang fall apart not once but twice within the first two episodes alone. In episode two, we see Ed — a much beloved and adored character who we know intimately — lash out when confronted for his behavior. He lashes out at his crew and physically mutilates his closest confidant for daring to question him. “But that’s piracy!” And you’re right! But don’t we watch the first episode of season one highlight how much Stede Bonnet wants to change piracy? Isn’t this show supposed to be about found family, and getting better, and finding healing? In which case, we’re watching Ed behave abusively in the wake of his mental struggles as he once again attempts to hide behind the same facade that has protected him in the past. Ed suffers this breakdown in response to not one but two perceived rejections from the two people he would claim to be the most important in his life, and in a classic mental illness fashion, he barricades himself off and settles into the persona that is everything he doesn’t want to be.
His crew fears him. They’ve been kidnapped and essentially held hostage under the man they believe to have murdered their crew — their friends — and are watching him continue to devolve. Enter Izzy Hands and Jim Jimenez. Izzy is well aware of his hand in Ed’s state. “Well, he instigated it!” He did. He wanted back a version of Blackbeard who he saw as safe territory: a necessary evil for the continued survival and safety of the crew, ship, and Ed and Izzy themselves. And then he watched Edward “Only Ever Killed One Person Personally” Teach fulfill the legend he’s always been known as, and watched him become someone who couldn’t care less about life or death or anything in between. Ed surpassed and buried the version of Blackbeard that Izzy wanted to return, and he was force-fed the consequences of this with an unavoidable cruelty. “Well, he deserved what he got! Violence was always on the table, because it’s piracy!” But once again, we’re operating under the assumption that the big themes of this show are healing from trauma and being worthy of being loved even if we’ve done bad things. 
While we’re on that topic, though, let’s explore that. Ed’s childhood trauma comes from his abusive father. He carries the weight of that abuse with him well into adulthood, as well as the weight of what he had to do to survive it. What he had to do to save his mother. This season sees him abusing those around him. Despite this, despite his erratic behavior and the mistreatment of his crew, he is still loved (by crew and fandom both, if I may add). He is still loved by Stede, despite the trail of blood he leaves in his wake. Stede is still longing to find him, despite knowing what he’s done and what he’s now capable of, and this continues to reiterate that idea of you deserve to be loved even when you’ve done wrong.
And then, Stede finds him.
We as an audience witness Ed make the choice to stay alive. We watch the thought process, we see that he chooses to fight for that love that comes alongside being saved. Being wanted. Being seen for who you are and loved because of it. And up to here, I’m on board. I’m excited to see what’s next and how Ed will reconcile for what he’s done and the harm he’s caused at the hands of his mental illness — because the truth is, we harm people when we aren’t adequately being responsible for our mental illness. This is a real-world thing. We lash out when we’re hurt, or when we’re rejected, or when we’re struggling. When we’re suffering, we often can’t see past ourselves to see whether or not we’re also causing others to suffer. This does not make us bad people — and it didn’t make Ed one. And then the “apology” came and went. The only member of the crew Ed really sits and ever has a drawn out conversation with about anything is Fang, and even this is somewhat shallow. Fang absolves him and moves on. We don’t get to see whether or not Ed ponders this conversation long-term or whether or not he battles with himself over how to move on. 
We’re left with a traumatized crew who semi-accepted a half-hearted apology and a beloved character who hasn’t actually been held accountable at all. “But he apologized and wore the bell and fixed that door latch!” Yes, and? He physically mutilated his first mate, instructed him to be killed, traumatized an entire crew — and this all takes a backseat to his relationship with Stede. And what a stunning scene between the two of them in the moonlight, where Ed finds it in him to ask to take things slow. Where he recognizes his needs and vocalizes them. I left this episode feeling so hopeful, because half-baked apology aside, Ed is actively learning to vocalize his thoughts and ask for what he needs when he recognizes in himself that something is going to be harmful to him. We had a kiss, we had Ed asking for help when he needed it, we had a proposal, we had “not moving on is worse,” and even knowing only three episodes remained, I left feeling like we had been so perfectly set up to see how things were only going to keep improving. 
In the first episodes of the season, we see murderous raids and mutilated first mates and two suicide attempts (though I suppose one was more of a mass murder-suicide attempt?) and these are all thrown together. In episode six, Stede deescalates a raid from a bloodbath of his own crew and sends another crew on their way with the lessons and values that he has been pursuing since the first episode of the first season. He then, in a parallel to the French ship of season one, causes a man’s death. This is highlighted as a turning point, something that can’t be ever moved on from. (“There’s no coming back from that.”) But what about the other traumatic events of the season that are treated as jokes? Izzy’s drinking, day in and day out, bottle after bottle after bottle — coping with the reality of his life and the way it’s been altered beyond recognition. The mop he used as a makeshift leg snapping, forcing him to pull himself away from the crew with his own hands. Lucius’s mention of being sexually assaulted and Stede’s look of disgust, the way he literally runs away from the conversation. Lucius never gets to air out his traumas, not really, not with someone who listens and tells him he’s safe and allows him to talk things through. Even Pete gets ill instead of being able to offer support.
I struggle to reconcile what is and isn’t comedy in this season, or what violence is meant to be taken for what it is. The Ed and Izzy breakdowns in episodes one and two sat far too close to my chest for me to look past them into comedy — and the suicidality of both men was glossed over and moved on from so quickly, never explored. Did Izzy’s “I wanna go” in the final episode mean he never moved on? That some part of him was still lying in that room with a gun to his head? You don’t become non-suicidal in a matter of days — is there still something lingering in the back of Ed’s mind? There was never a conversation about it, and there was never anything between the two of them that could allow me comfort in knowing that they had reached some sort of understanding. This season pulled domestic abuse, alcohol abuse, and suicidal tendencies straight from my own traumas and never held anyone accountable for any of them. There was no healing. There was no real talking it through. “Well, it’s not a rom-com, so—” Except it continues to be presented as one. Shortcomings of storylines of characters that seem to have been cast aside or mischaracterized this season aside, I cannot for the life of me reconcile how a show about kindness and moving on and being loved amidst all of your flaws could have a season so wrought with traumas and yet never discuss them. Never explore them in a way that allows me to move on. I love this show and there were so many good things about this season; I love these characters, and yet I feel so disconnected from it for the first time in over a year. Not moving on is worse, sure, but moving on without accountability leaves wounds unable to heal. How do you move on from that?
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sensualnoiree · 9 days
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astro notes: mars ☄️
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Mars, known as the Red Planet, is considered one of the personal planets, along with Mercury, Venus, and the Moon. It is also one of the inner planets, which are closer to the Earth and have a more immediate influence on personal experiences and day-to-day events. Mars is the ruling planet of Aries and Scorpio.
Mars in Aries: Mars is at home in Aries, making individuals with this placement assertive, energetic, and eager to take on challenges. Masculine fiery energy. Mars in Aries embodies the warrior archetype, representing the qualities of courage, strength, and the willingness to fight for what is right. This archetype is not about aggression but about standing up for one's beliefs and principles.
Mars in Scorpio: Mars is also in its domicile and quite strong in Scorpio, where its energy is more intense and focused, often leading to a deep and passionate nature. Feminine Watery energy. Mars in Scorpio is expressed as the willpower needed to confront and overcome the deepest, darkest aspects of the self. This process can lead to spiritual growth and enlightenment, as the individual learns to transcend their ego and align with their higher self.
Mars embodies the qualities of fire, but not just any fire – it's the fire of the forge, where raw materials are heated, shaped, and transformed into something new and useful. Mars' energy is dynamic, active, and forward-moving, representing the drive to create, conquer, and achieve.
Often associated with principle of "solve et coagula," representing the cyclical nature of creation and destruction. This process is essential for growth and evolution, as old forms must be broken down to make way for new ones.
Mars' relationship with sulfur symbolizes the transformative aspect of its energy. This transformative process can be likened to the Phoenix rising from the ashes, where destruction leads to rebirth and renewal.
Mars also represents the inner alchemical process of transmuting base instincts into higher virtues. This process requires courage, discipline, and the willingness to face one's shadows.
Mars is often linked to the element of fire, representing its intense, dynamic, and transformative energy. This fire is not destructive but rather creative, like the fire of a blacksmith's forge that shapes raw materials into useful tools.
Mars' association with fire also relates to energy and vitality. It symbolizes the life force that drives us to take action, pursue our desires, and overcome obstacles.
Mars' fiery nature is also associated with passion and desire. While these qualities can be intense and consuming, they are also essential for driving us toward our goals and aspirations. The harsher aspects of Mars, including war, death, and destruction, play a complex role in its symbolism and significance. These aspects are not inherently "bad" but are part of the broader spectrum of Mars' energies, which encompass both the constructive and destructive forces in the universe. War, in the context of Mars, symbolizes conflict and struggle. This can be both external (physical conflicts between nations or individuals) and internal (psychological battles within oneself). From an alchemical perspective, war can be seen as a metaphor for the transformative power of conflict. Just as metals are forged in the heat of battle, individuals can be transformed and strengthened through the challenges they face.
Death, in the context of Mars, symbolizes endings and new beginnings. It represents the cyclical nature of life, where old forms must be destroyed to make way for new growth. It can also symbolize release and liberation from the limitations of the physical world. It represents the shedding of old habits, beliefs, and attachments that no longer serve us.
It represents the fiery crucible of the soul, where the ego is purified and the true self is forged. Mars teaches us to embrace challenges as opportunities for growth, to channel our energy into productive pursuits, and to cultivate the inner strength needed to overcome adversity.
Here we experience the alchemical process of turning lead into gold – the transformation of the mundane self into the divine self through the fires of purification and the hammer blows of experience.
follow for more astro insights like this and support me over on yt @quenysefields or instagram sensualnoiree
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tswhiisftteedr · 2 months
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Hey there, I hope your having a nice night or day, I saw that you wrote nsfw and was wondering if I could request something for chenya wit a female s/o who has a hard time gaing any weight, and a very skinny and tend to become insecure due to it.. and chenya "cheers" them up 👀
(I have this problem ☹ and would like to feel a bit better w some indulgence you know 🤷‍♀️)
Sweet-scented pigeon wing ☆ Headcanon + Drabble
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☆RSA Student!Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker(Che’nya) x Skinny!Fem!Yuu!Reader :
Feeling insecure and self loathing sucks, but luckily for you, your act beastmen boyfriend Che’nya is here for you. And he’s going to ‘cheer you up to the best of his abilities!’
Warnings: Mature content, Che’nya is aged up to 18+ and NCR is an actually college, fingering, begging, not anything graphic(violence) reader is just insecure. Not proofread.
Note: Hi thanks for requesting, I’m sorry if this wasn’t what you were looking for, I’ve never written comfort for subject like body image, especially people who are ‘skinny’ as I’m more on the chubby side my self. (Working on it girly pops, I’m about to become a slim thick queen and you won’t see it coming, hdhhdjd lol) So if this isn’t to your taste I’m sorry, but I real hope it is!! Also some crack halfway through the smut, I guess it was to make it more cheerful and comforting, though idk if it’s good \:<
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Before you two started dating, Che’nya had picked up on the fact that you were insecure in your appearance. Mostly wearing oversized clothes to hide your figure, and how you would panic whenever he hugged you out of nowhere, tensing as he fully embrace you in his warmth.
Back then, he used to think that the issues you had with your physic were temporarily, or mood related. ‘We all have those times we’re we feel low and unsure of oneself, right?’
Well to his somewhat ‘displeasure’ he was wrong. It’s not like he was mad at you for not liking everything about yourself, but more that it made him sad that you didn’t see ‘you’ the way he did.
Sure he understood the fact that being at risk of developing health issues like osteoporosis, higher chances for hypothermia and lower immunity system, just because of your weight, could make you insecure. And he also knew you did your best despite your struggle in weight gain.
The way he sees things, you can’t do much but you’re still already doing your max. So since you’re doing your best already, you shouldn’t worry to much about it.
He doesn’t expect you to change your opinion towards your body from one day to the other, even when you got together, he still saw the hesitation behind your eyes whenever he would compliment your looks.
But he did feel proud of the way your gaze slowly shifted through time, how you would look less ‘untrusting’ of his words after each time he would call you beautiful, cute, lovely, hot, ‘sexy mama~’, etc. The way you would wear clothes that were a bit more your size after each interaction, the way you felt more comfortable when he touch and caress you.
He knew your self doubts were still present, though he also knew that they were less dominant in your mind. As if every time he would hold your hand, hug you, kiss you, make out with you, those thoughts would be push further and further away.
Of course there were the days where those thoughts would resurface, hitting you with a wave of sadness and self loathing. Maybe someone had said something about your looks, maybe you weren’t so sure about you were wearing halfway through the day, or maybe it just one of those off day. The ones where you felt like shit no matter what you did, from the moment you awake, to the one you would fall asleep.
In cases like this, your lovely cat boy of a boyfriend would help by bringing your moral up, in his own very special way~
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☆ more under the cut. ☆
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You and Che'nya were hanging out in Heartslabyul’s rose maze, he had snuck once more to spend sometime with you. The both of you were laying down on the grass, staring at the clouds. When he turned to sneak a glance at your oh so beautiful face, he noticed a look of somewhat unease and despair on your face, so he decided to do something about it.
He knew what that faced meant, so he scouted closer to you slowly, his movement almost silent due to the soft grass under his body. His hands reached out suddenly, wrapping around your waist gently yet firmly before he lifted both you and himself off the ground effortlessly.
Now with you in his arms, without warning, he carried you towards the magic mirror in the dorm.
You soon found yourself back at your dorm, the ramshackle.
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Once inside, he placed you down on the bed, keeping hold of one arm over your head while using his free hand to undo your buttons and zippers without hesitation.
Within moments, he had ripped your clothes apart revealing your naked body in all its glory. The sight of your figure and softness sent waves of desire coursing through him.
"You know, its pretty inconvenient for me not knowing when you’ll be down in a slump." He told you in a cheeky manner, obviously not serious. You can always count on Che’nya to tease in any given situation. “But it’s not all so bad, after all, when your like this I get to play with you.” he murmured against your neck, nipping lightly at your sensitive skin. “Though I would prefer it if it just some random fun, not me having to fuck into you just how perfect you are.” He told you with a rather serious tone, different from his usual one. Thought the softness behind his eyes told you, he wasn’t blaming or reprimanding you. He just wish you could see what he saw when he would gaze at you. But before you could think on that for too long-
"Now, lie back and enjoy yourself." Che’nya spoke out in his usual oh so casual tone.
With that said, he pushed your legs apart wider than they wanted to go and started playing with your ‘sweet-scented pigeon wing’ as he would call it.
Wait- the hell?! “Sweet-scented pigeon wing”, where does that even come from, like what the actual f- oh, right, you remember now.
Sweet-scented pigeon wing from potionology, it’s also known as Clitoria fragrans hence their vaginal shape. What a fucking bastard that he is for calling your coochie that!
Well at least if you had any doubts about sex, your mind was now well off them. But before your mental insulting and name calling of your boyfriend could continue anymore, it was abruptly cut short, by the one you were previously cursing out.
As Che'nya touched your sensitive areas, you could feel a mix of pleasure and shock coursing through your body. His cold hands contrasted with the warmth that was beginning to spread between your legs. He teased you mercilessly, rubbing circles around your clit before dipping his fingers inside of you. Every move sent waves of ecstasy throughout your entire being, making it hard for you to resist him.
In response to his actions, you arched your back involuntarily, moaning softly as he continued to torment you. "Che’nya stop... please..." You begged, but there was no real resistance in your voice. Instead, it sounded more like pleading for more.
"Feeling good, aren't you?" he purred, nibbling on your earlobe playfully. "You know you want this." With that, he pushed two fingers deep inside of you, stretching you wider than ever before. The sudden invasion caused another loud moan to escape your lips, followed by a whimper as he began to thrust them in and out of you rhythmically.
Che'nya chuckled at your moans and whimpers, loving the power he had over you. He increased the pace of his thrusts, going faster and harder until you were on the brink of orgasm. Just when you thought you couldn’t take anymore, he pulled out suddenly, leaving you panting and yearning for more.
"Not yet," he purred teasingly. "I want you begging for it, and obviously you got to explain why you deserve it, also you being attractive must be one of those reasons, ‘Kay!” With that cryptic remark, he stepped back slightly, exposing his erect member to your eager eyes. It was throbbing with anticipation.
You couldn't help but stare at his thick, throbbing dick, your eyes widening in a mixture of fear and desire. "W-What do you want me to say? T-That I... need this?" Your voice cracked slightly as he stepped closer again, pushing his cockhead against your entrance.
"Good girl," he praised, before sliding the head inside of you slowly. "Now tell me why else you deserve it." His pace remained slow, allowing you to adjust to his size while teasing both of them.
You bit your lower lip nervously, trying to gather your thoughts. "I... umm... I guess because... uh... well... it feels so good when you touch me like this... And that I’ve been good ..” You managed to stutter out between pants.
"And?"
"And, I suppose... that I'm somewhat pretty." You reply.
"You 'suppose' that you're 'somewhat pretty'? Hmm, I don't think that's going to cut it. You need to be confident about that sort of thing, especially if you want me to start pounding my dick into you." He tells you, giggling.
You blush bright red, feeling both embarrassed and aroused by his words. "I... I-I mean..." Stuttering again, you gather your courage and look him straight in the eyes. "I'm beautiful, okay? Okay?"
His grin widened as he heard these words leave your lips. "That's more suitable," he praised. He increased his pace little by little, gradually thrusting deeper inside of you. Each powerful stroke sent waves of pleasure coursing through your body, making it difficult for you to maintain composure.
"You smell so damn good," Che'nya groaned, burying his face in your neck and sucking on your tender skin. His hands moved downwards, once more, grabbing your legs firmly and spreading them wider apart, exposing your wet and needy pussy to his hungry gaze. "Yes, you are perfect, there’s no other way to think about it."
You blushed deeply at his words, feeling both embarrassed and aroused. "I... I mean, I—!"
Before you could finish your sentence, he thrust himself fully inside of you without warning, stretching your tight hole to accommodate him completely. A cry of pleasure mixed with pain escaped from your lips as he began to move steadily, claiming you body inch by slow but powerful inch. Each time he pulled out slightly, only to push back in deeper than before, hitting your G-spot just right, sending waves of intense ecstasy coursing through your entire being.
"That's better," he praised between heavy breaths. "You sound so much better when you aren’t worrying about how you look, but instead of how deep I’m fucking you." He said that last part with a snicker.
You moaned in pure ecstasy as he continued to thrust into you, his thick member stretching and filling up every inch of your tight passage. The combination of pleasure and pain was almost too much for you to handle, but somehow, you wanted more.
"Oh god, Che'nya," you cried out, arching your back towards him. "I want... more..." Your words came out breathless and desperate.
He picked up the pace even faster, pounding into you relentlessly. Each powerful thrust caused a loud slapping sound against your sensitive flesh, adding an erotic rhythm to their passionate dance. His hands gripped tightly onto your legs, leaving marks on your skin as evidence of their intensity.
"That's it, baby," he groaned, his voice hoarse with desire. "Take all of me." Owing to his size, each deep penetration felt like hitting a new level of pleasure that left you begging for more.
Feeling his orgasm building up inside of him, Che'nya slowed down slightly, savoring every moan and whimper that escaped from your lips. "I can feel how close you are too," he panted between breaths.
"C-Come with me..." his voice cracked as he spoke those words, urging you to reach climax alongside him.
The feeling intensified beyond anything you could have imagined, pushing you closer to the edge of ecstasy. And then, just when you thought it couldn't get better, another powerful thrust sent waves of pure bliss coursing through your body, sending you over the edge into a mind-numbing orgasm unlike anything you had ever experienced before. Your entire being shook with intense pleasure as wave after wave of orgasmic bliss washed over you, leaving you completely lost in the moment.
As for Che'nya, he held on tightly, his own release drawing near. With one final, forceful thrust, he let out a primal growl, burying himself deep within you to the hilt. Quickly pulling out, his hot seed spurted forth, painting your stomach and chest with thick, sticky cum. He stayed there for a moment, observing his work. “See, your such a lovely thing.” Was all he said while looking at your fucked out face and and cum cover body.
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