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missvelvetsstuff · 1 year

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Where you goin, Star?

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Rich girl/poor biker

Chapter 5

Warnings: swearing, angst, vague oral.

Right after Bucky left town and Y/N was dealing with the after effects the D&C she had to have done due to her miscarriage, Helen Cho gave her Vicodin to help with the pain and cramping. Y/N kept taking it even after she was healed because it gave her a nice buzz and fogged everything up so it wasn't quite so painful. After a while it didn't help as much and Helen refused to give her any more so she found a doctor that would. The new doctor bumped her up to Percocet and after a year to oxycontin. She regularly took 3-5 pills a day.

Brock had caught on to her dependency but she was able to buy his silence. The cost was, unpleasant, but worth the peace the pills gave her.

Y/N spent the night of the funeral at her parents house after arguing with John about making it easier to go through her parents things. Even after he gave her a split lip, she refused to back down.

After he left she drowned her stress in half a bottle of her fathers good scotch and passed out in her old bedroom.

When she woke up, Brock drove her to her favorite cafe for coffee and ordered her favorite drink. After they drove away she opened her coffee and poured in some whiskey from the flask that she always carried. She mixed it in, replaced the lid and took a long drink, letting the warmth flow through her.

Back at the house she started going through her mother's things. Most would be given to local charities but she saved some items that had personal meaning to them. Time passed without her notice until Brock came to check up on her and she sent him to pick up some lunch even though she wasn't really hungry.

Going through the house was worse than she expected, especially on the third day, when she started on her fathers office. a

She found the receipt for a 1 million dollar cashiers check and the contract that Bucky had signed when he accepted the money. She already knew about it but seeing the physical proof that he left her for money, the day after seeing him for the first time in 3 years, was overwhelming. She couldn't breathe and felt like she was underwater. When she finally got herself under control she quickly popped an oxy and a Xanax, washing them down with the last drops in her flask. She pulled a bottle out from her father bar, refilled her flask and took a few good drinks straight from the bottle.

After she let those kick in she started getting angry. Angry at Bucky, at her father, at John and anyone else she could think of. She needed to see her horses, it had been almost a month since she was able to stop by. She stood up a little too quickly and had to grab the desk to steady herself.

"Brock!" She yelled and waited for him to appear.

"Yes ma'am?" He asked when he arrived.

"I want to go see my horses."

Brock grinned lecherously "You know you're supposed to get the ok from Mr Walker before you go."

She smiled sweetly "Please Brock, you know I won't tell him."

He looked her up and down "What's my incentive sweetheart."

Y/N rolled her eyes "The usual. When we get there."

Brock smirked and walked away "Rollins! Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky, Steve, Sam and Peggy woke up late, had a leisurely breakfast and then headed to Tony Starks office to finalize their business. Once everything was signed champagne was poured.

Tony smiled "Never thought I'd be doing business with any of Nick Fury's Howling Commandos but I believe this venture will be very profitable for all involved. I have other matters to take care of but I will see you all for the groundbreaking tomorrow. Feel free to stay and finish the champagne or take it with you if you prefer." He shook their hands and left.

Steve drank his glass down "I don't know if I'll ever get used to how that man lives. Hell I'm still getting used to the idea of a house for me and Peg without you dirtbags around all the time." He smirked at his friends.

Bucky nodded "We weren't exactly enjoying your nightly reminders of how in love you were. A little house of my own sounds perfect."

Sam grinned "Not too little, Star is used to the finer things"

Bucky scowled at him "I don't want to get ahead of myself. I have to get her to talk to me first."

Steve nodded "Yeah she definitely didn't seem happy to see you. Who knows what Walker and her father have put her through the last few years. Quill has been watching her stable for a week and she hasn't been by once."

A short while later, Steve's phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket. "She appears to be on her way to the stable with her bodyguards, Rumlow and Rollins. No sign of Walker."

Bucky nodded "Not ideal but maybe I can get her to listen."

When they pulled up across the street from her place, Quill came up to the car shaking his head. "You don't want to go in there, Barnes."

Bucky glared at him "yeah, I do."

"I'm pretty sure you don't. They're uh, not decent."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Bucky stormed towards the barn, so angry it took him a minute to notice the sounds. He stoped dead.

"Fuck princess, your mouth is heavenly. John is a lucky man. If I had you in my bed I wouldn't be putting my dick in anyone else. Oh god, yes. Just like that princess. Fuck! I'm gonna cum. Take it slut. Swallow it all down." Brock growled then shouted when he was done.

"Jesus Brock, shut the fuck up. You want someone to hear and tell John? He'll kill us both.

And could you maybe eat some pineapple once in awhile? Too much garlic."

"First of all, your husband doesn't have the balls to kill anyone, that's why he has me. And princess, you should be used to the taste by now."

"It's not like I'm doing it for fun. Now that I've paid for my trip to the stable, could I have some time alone with my horses?

Bucky felt like he was gonna be sick hearing all that but realized he needed to hide before Brock saw him. That confrontation was coming but he needed to talk to Star first so he ducked into an empty stall until Brock passed.

Y/N stood at the door of Lulu's stall talking softly to her when she heard someone coming up behind her "Jesus Brock could I have more than 30 seconds? I'm not blowing you again!"

Bucky felt his heart breaking for her and growing guilt for leaving her to this. "It's not Brock, Star."

She turned around and scoffed "I thought I made myself pretty clear, Barnes. I have nothing to say to you. Run off and find your pet, Dot. Leave me alone."

Bucky just looked at her sadly which angered her more "Barnes! I told you get the fuck out. John will kill us both if he catches us together and while your life is meaningless to me, I'm not quite ready to kick it yet."

"Star, please. I-"

She slapped him. Again. "Have you suffered a blow to the head? Don't call me that."

She started pacing "Why can't you just leave me alone? Haven't you done enough?"

"Please Star, I want to help." Bucky grabbed her and pulled her to him and she fought him

"I don't need or want your help. Let me fucking go. God dammit Barnes. Let me go!!"

He released his grip on her. "Just let me say my piece and I'll leave you alone." He sighed "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know what happened while I was gone but I'm sorry you had to go through it. I never meant for any of this to happen"

"Doesn't matter what you meant to happen, you ghosted me and my life went to shit. Told me how much you loved me, then disappeared without a trace, leaving me in my father's clutches."

Bucky looked at her surprised "Without a trace? No, Star I gave-" she slapped him again.

"Don't fucking call me Star and get the Hell off of my property. Now." She pulled a gun out of her purse. Nothing big or fancy but enough to hurt. "I mean it Barnes, leave me alone."

Bucky's eyes grew wide at the sight of her pointing a gun at him but he sighed in resignation and left.

After he was gone Y/N leaned against Lulu and cried into her mane. Lulu rubbed her head against Y/N and made comforting nickers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve was still waiting and saw the look on Bucky's face as he approached the car and sighed. Obviously it didn't go well. Again.

Bucky climbed into the car and grumbled "I don't want to talk about it. It's already beyond fucked and I don't know the whole story."

Sam patted him on the shoulder "It'll help if you get it off your chest. Besides if we're gonna do this we all need to know what we're up against."

Bucky shook his head, the sounds of her with Brock wouldn't go away. He was grateful he hadn't seen anything but he knew it would still haunt him.

"Fine. When I walked in she was blowing Rumlow, I didn't see it but I heard it. She has lost a lot of weight. A lot. I could smell alcohol on her breath. She slapped me twice and when I wouldn't leave she pulled a gun on me." He looked at Sam and spat "Happy?" Then slammed back in the seat with his arms crossed.

Sam shook his head, understanding where Bucky's anger was coming from but knowing that's not what they needed. "Damn, that's pretty bad. You think there's more?"

Bucky nodded "looking in her eyes I could tell. She's taking something. They weren't really red so I don't think it's weed but they were glassy and just a bit off-focus. Coke or maybe pills, I don't know but it ain't sober."

Bucky put his head in his hands and tried to hold the tears back.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this. None of this was in the plan. We were supposed to be back 2 years ago."

He looked at Sam "She said I ghosted her, left without a trace but that's not true I gave Rumlow-" he shook his head "Obviously he didn't give it to her. That bastard got himself a pretty sweet life at her expense." He started breathing heavily, anger morphing into rage

"I'm gonna kill him"

Steve spoke up "Buck, you need to calm down. We need to make a new plan."

Bucky shook his head "Maybe I should just leave her alone. What if I come in to help and make things worse? We just need to get our business going and then I can." He just stopped talking when he saw movement across the street. It was Star and she was headed right for them, she stumbled but caught herself before she fell.

"Steve, Sam, Peggy." She nodded curtly at them "Please don't take this personally but y'all need to get the fuck away from me. I don't wanna talk about it or hear whatever excuses you've concocted. My husband is not above having his men inflict pain on those who cross him. That includes me. I'm not interested in taking another beating because of Barnes.

Just go."

She turned around, taking a second to stabilize herself, and walked back onto her property.

Bucky looked at Steve "Another beating? What the hell?"

Steve shrugged "I don't know Buck, seems like there's quite a bit more to the story. She have anyone close to her that we could talk to?"

Bucky shook his head "her mom was the only one before me and she passed not long after we left. She was close to Peggy but."

The rest of that thought was left hanging in the air as they all considered the situation.

Peggy broke them out of their fog "Let's get back to the hotel and we can brainstorm. After the ceremony tomorrow we'll start working on saving Star."

Bucky shook his head "Even if she needs rescuing, I doubt the so called friends that disappeared on her 3 years ago are the people she's going to trust. She hates me most but there wasn't any love for the rest of you either."

Bucky came to a decision "I need to have a talk with Brock. He should be with her at her fathers house."

After spending the afternoon trying to figure out what to do they ate dinner and settled in for the night.

Except Bucky. He was a man on a mission and Brock Rumlow was about to feel some payback. He bid his friends good night and caught a cab to her parents house.

Chapter 6

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #angst with a happy ending #biker bucky

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nevermindirah · 3 years

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I’ve seen Black Widow

thoughts below the cut

I loved it. I cried.

It’s pretty standard white feminism, nothing groundbreaking, but as a small story about a human being struggling with her identity and her place in the world, chef’s kiss.

There were enough callbacks that it didn’t feel like they’d taken Natasha out of her context, but it wasn’t an Endgame-style victory lap and rightly so. There were more callbacks to things that had previously happened in this one movie than there were to all 6 of the previous movies she’s appeared in. The fucking fireflies. They got to me. And the whistling? OUCH MY HEART

I didn’t realize until the moment Yelena handed it to her that that’s the vest Natasha wears in Infinity War. That’s when I started crying.

The set pieces were inventive as hell. I was genuinely surprised by: the avalanche, the Red Room being in lower Earth orbit, Natasha and Malina switching places with the masks from Winter Soldier, and especially, fuck, little Antonia who Natasha thought she’d murdered turning out to be the Task Master.

I loved that there wasn’t some big reveal like Malina was her birth mother or some shit. I loved that it’s left open how much or even whether Natasha keeps in touch with this one of her two families — while she and Yelena might be able to have an honest relationship after “It was real for me too,” Malina and Alexei showed realistic (which is to say, meaningful but fucking small) character growth. Those two are never going to be parents to Natasha, not how she deserved, not how every child deserves. I loved how honest this movie was about that.

The opening credits sequence was fucking traumatic, though, and here’s where we start the criticism of white nonsense. Yes, girls are probably the world’s greatest underappreciated resource. Especially girls of color. Who we see in this movie all over the place as nameless soldiers under the most extreme mind control yet seen in the MCU. Widows of color suffer and die repeatedly in this movie. It absolutely tracks that the Red Room would expand its post-Soviet operations and steal baby girls from all over the world, but they could’ve picked more of the white extras to be the ones to die painfully.

I know they did this so they wouldn’t be criticized for having an all-white cast. But they still had an all-white lead cast. I was charmed half-naked (of course my mask was still on, I saw this movie in a theater!) by the very pretty man who kept setting Natasha up with gear, but I can’t remember his name, and his only defining characteristics are pretty, charming, and frequently asleep. The moment at the end where she called him a friend would’ve been a fuckton better if she’d called him by name several times by that point so we could remember it, and if she’d, I don’t know, mentioned something that shows she pays attention when he talks, that shows she cares about him as a person even just a little bit beyond how he’s useful to her.

And you know what would’ve been a better way to get the Task Master off the field at the end? The Black teenager (fuck she looked so young) who went to her could have said, “Hi, my name is ___, I’m your sister and I’m going to get you out of here. What’s your name?” Instead her much shorter one line was entirely focused on helping the white girl. A different Black Black Widow was the one who said to Yelena something like of course we came back for you. We see Yelena holding her hand, but if we could only have one and not both, the screen time would’ve been better spent on learning this young woman’s name. A piece of her humanity that isn’t just using her newfound agency to choose to save the white lead.

They could’ve taken this opportunity to give us at least one Black Widow who was both Russian-born and visibly Asian. You know, since Russia is an enormously multi-ethnic country and even before modern immigration you don’t have to leave Russia to find people of color. We could’ve gotten a few sentences about the scientist who invented the deprogramming gas. We know she was in Malina’s age cohort so she was more likely to have been born in the USSR, and we know she had to have been exceptionally smart and brave even for a Black Widow to invent this formula and ensure it would free some of her sisters. Handled badly, this of course could’ve gotten into Asian math-nerd stereotype territory. Handled well, this minor character would’ve had a name — I think Yelena called her Oksana as she watched her die? — and a layered backstory. Malina could’ve even shared a memory of her, one thing that she and Oksana shared when they were baby Nat and Yelena’s ages.

Or they could’ve recast Scarlett Johanssson with an actress of any Asian ethnicity that could plausibly have been found in the USSR in the 80s, but, you know.

It is extremely not lost on me that both ScarJo and Rachel Weisz are Jewish and I wondered if they might do something in the direction of making Jewish Natasha canon. I’m relieved they didn’t go there in the end, and I’ll happily keep my Jewish Nat headcanons here where I can play with them and keep them safe from corporate bullshit.

To wrap this up, that post-credits scene made me so happy. I am so here for Yelena trying out every “the 90s are back” fashion trend she missed out on the first time around all in one outfit. What’s her name from Falcon & Winter Soldier turning up as Yelena’s boss or whatever and assigning her to kill Clint was exactly the right amount of crossover. We’ve only just met this character, I love her, and I’m fucking delighted that instead of spending yet more screentime on any of the white dudes who’ve already had plenty of it in the 23 previous MCU movies, we got to spend these last moments of the movie with Yelena.

Natasha Romanoff will return in my Sam Wilson and Nile Freeman are Cousins WIP (where she will be having a heart-to-heart with Andy)

Yelena Belova will return in Hawkeye (if Marvel knows what’s good for it)

#black widow movie #black widow spoilers #natasha romanoff #yelena belova #fandom friends #marvel

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daydreamsofh · 4 years

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Dreamy

A/N: Ahhhh! Hi, hello :) Here is my piece for the Pick Your Poison Fic Challenge! This is the first thing I have ever written,(please be gentle hehe) and I cannot believe you’re about to read it! Thank you, I love you forever. So much love goes to my girls, my best friend @haute-romance-quotidienne (you know how I feel about you) & @harryinsweatersandbandanas- Ash thank you for your constant support and shared love for yearning over H :)

And lastly, I have so much love and adoration for the girls that put this whole thing together. @for-fucks-sake-h @oh-honey-styles @andwhenshesays, thank you all for being so brilliant and allowing us all the chance to try new things and for just constantly being people to look up to and admire. I love you all forever and ever, and I am the luckiest to know you.

Word Count: 7.3K

Yearning, yearning, pining. more yearning, yearning, and some more yearning. Sometimes our wildest daydreams do come true.

***

Dreamy soft green eyes watched you from the other side of the room before he shifted his eyes back to the person he was talking to. Arguably this was the hardest part of your friendship with Harry, to see him with other people, other women and knowing that you’d never measure up. Or at least in your eyes, you wouldn’t. And truthfully it had nothing to do with the women he dated. They had all been kind to you and tried to be your friend once they realized how big of a role you played in Harry’s life. They were all lovely and nice and funny, and generally good to him. It never had anything to do with them, and everything to do with you.

Over the years of your friendship with him it had gotten harder and harder to act like you weren’t totally, completely, annoyingly, hopelessly in love with him. Especially on nights like tonight.

Gathered in his lofty, but cozy house with dozens of his closest family and friends for a listening party to celebrate the release of his brand new spanking album. He’s already had two listening parties specifically for his fans, but he wanted to have one for the people that make up his support system, that keep him going when the world feels too big and scary. Plus being the narcissist he so naturally is, the ego boost of his most loved ones listening to his album first and loving it first was an added plus.

He’d told you for months how special this album was to him, and you had singlehandedly witnessed the sheer joy he felt while making it. So when he invited you to the listening party, with those big green eyes slowly blinking at you, of course you said yes.

Walking into his home you were greeted by Anne, who was already teary eyed just from simply seeing all of the people gathered together that make up Harry’s life. She jumped up from her seat once she saw you and wrapped you up in a warm hug.

“‘There she is! Always so wonderful to see you love. I’m happy you’re here, he’s been asking for you.’” She squeezed your arm and sent you a wink before leaving you to go find Harry.

Right as she was, once you turned your back from her his eyes caught yours and he made a beeline for you. Weaving in and out of the crowds of people he reached for your hand before pulling you in and burying his face in your neck. The gesture made you sway, having to brace his shoulders so you wouldn’t fall over. When he finally pulled back he had the biggest smirk on his face as his hand reached to cradle your head and he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“‘Look who finally made it! Just in the nick of time like always. Hi Sweets.’”

Taking him in made you suddenly very glad you chose not to wear too high of heels tonight, because you almost fell over when you saw what he was wearing. Grey high waisted trousers, because why would anyone wear pants that actually sit on their hips correctly? A striped button top with the sleeves rolled up, and an over the top overly-grandpa sweater vest. His hair kept falling in his face and he had a content, soft, dreamy look on his face. Add the way he looked at you to the long list of reasons you loved him.

Looking up at him your stomach did a backflip before you breathed a small laugh and muttered, “Hi H, got quite the crowd tonight huh? It’s a shame more people don’t love you,”

“Oh yeah didn’t I tell you? I had to bribe everyone here with Gucci gift cards to get them to show up tonight,”

“Yeah I bet you did Gucci golden boy,”

That had him laughing deep in his chest before he playfully swatted at your arm, but just like always he was pulled in another direction as Jeff told him it was time to get the show on the road and get the listening party going.

“Gonna be okay on your own? Should I go grab you some tissues before we get started? Maybe some tea?” He said it with a shit eating grin on his face and a wink.

You narrowed your eyes at him before you replied, “You are a lot of things Styles but a comedian is not one of them! Get outta here before I change my mind and listen to it in the comfort of my own home,”

“Oh you wouldn’t dare, you wouldn’t make me miss out on that cute face reacting to my groundbreaking musical mastery would you?” He winked at you after his oh-so funny quip and you thought you were going to actually pass out and hit the floor from him calling your face cute. You knew your voice would give out and that your cheeks were burning so you just shook your head no and smiled so hard your face started to ache. With that he was finally gone to give his thanks to everyone for attending and for some more mingling before they would actually start the party.

After he walked away, you bumped into your mutual friend Sam, who actually introduced you to Harry at one of his shows years ago.

“Hey babe! I’m so glad you made it, I was afraid you would be too weepy to come today. No offense, but I know how he makes you. Especially with his music. Something about boys with guitars, right?”

After you smacked him in the chest for his hilarious reminder of just how much you pine for Harry and have for years, you muttered a very matter of a fact, “For your information it is not ‘something about boys with guitars’ it is about one boy with a guitar, and I think I have a pretty good handle on my weepy-ness today, so sod off.”

He gave you a knowingly smile and you shot one right back because he was absolutely right.

Everyone in your inner circle knew how you felt about Harry. Actually, anyone who was around the both of you for more than a few minutes picked up on it. From the way you bantered and poked fun at each other to the way you laughed at every one of his stupid jokes, to the way you longingly and very dramatically gazed at him pretty much all the time. And who could blame you?

He made everyone he spoke to feel like the most important person in the world. It was overwhelming how intently he listened and watched people. He was the most kind hearted, patient man. You’d lost count of how many times he talked you off the ledge, how many times he reassured you when you doubted yourself at work, or how many times he called to check on you after you swore up and down to him that you were okay. It was overwhelming how much he cared. It was overwhelming how much he radiated love and understanding. And most of all it was overwhelming how being in the same room as him even for just a second made you feel like you could breathe again. He was like coming up for fresh air, every single time.

And if anything made you feel more overwhelmed than just simply looking at him, watching him perform was a close second. He was ridiculously talented, a natural performer, and just so annoyingly amazing at what he does. No matter how many shows of his you went to you found yourself getting emotional watching him do what he was born to do, he exuded talent and the fact that you got to witness him in action was something you would never get over. He teased you about it each time he watched you from the pit or sides of the stage blubbering, but nonetheless he loved the fact that he could get such a reaction out of you. You also swore you saw his ears tinge pink each time you told him how great of a show he put on. You knew how hard it would be tonight to listen to his brand new songs in his house, IN FRONT of him and all of your closest friends and not cry the entire time. Damn him and his dreamy musical mastery ways.

You watched him hop onto his fireplace alongside Jeff to give one of his famous speeches. His eyes scanned the room and he gave everyone a slow, smirking grin. A slow, honeyed one that warmed you from the inside out and made your chest feel light and fluttery.

“I just want to thank you all so much for taking the time to come out and listen to my album, I love you all endlessly and this album is just as much for you as it is for me.” Harry's eyes found yours again and “You all know how I feel about you so I won’t bore you with a long speech, I love you and thank you for being here. Enjoy.”

And with that he was gone and you lost him in the crowd. After all of the headphones were passed out and everyone had their instructions on how to go about actually playing the album, you were sat in a loveseat near one of the many windows in his house, tucked away from the rest of the crowd.

Sam took the seat next to you and gave you a reassuring smile before he said, “If it gets too much you can get up and leave. I know that you know who most of these songs are going to be about and I don’t want to see you upset. I’ll even give you a ride home.”

You smiled back at him and sighed, “I really think I’ll be okay. I’m always happy just to hear his voice you know? No matter how hard this will be I’m staying. He has all of my support regardless of the fact that these songs aren’t about me. I just wanna be here with him, for him.”

Another smile, “Okay babe, whatever you want.”

Headphones were finally passed out and it was time to actually listen to the album. But before you could do that, Harry found where you were sitting and leaned up against the wall closest to you. Before you could ask what he was doing he just smiled, actually beamed at you and shook his head.

“Just wanted to lay my eyes on you before you started listening.” He pushed off the wall and walked over to you, kissed you on the forehead and chucked his fingers under your chin. “You know it means the most to me that you’re here. You’re pretty important to me, know tha’?”

It was such a simple, friendly thing to say, and tears pooled in your eyes before you knew it. “Yeah I've gathered that, I’ll come find you when i”m done listening. Go on,”

You squeezed his hand and gave him a smile while fighting back tears. “Go on,” Harry finally walked away and you looked over at Sam who pretended he wasn’t watching your whole exchange.

You know he didn’t mean to but every time you had a moment like this between the two of you it always just felt like he was dangling a carrot in front of you. Dangling the chance of you being together for real, dangling the chance that he felt the same way, and you know he didn’t mean it to be mean, but in a way it was. You knew there was no way he didn’t know how you felt, how could he not? And for him to be so touchy feely with you and look at you with those soft eyes it just felt cruel. And unfair. How could he not know? How could he not see it? Anytime he walked in the room your eyes lit up and you watched his every move. You supported him unwaveringly and jumped at the chance to do anything you could to help him. Not in a love sick puppy kind of way where you doted over him and thought he walked on the moon, you just wanted him to be as successful as he could be and you knew his potential, and never wanted him to settle for anything less. All you wanted was the best for him. And you’d be lying if you said you wished you were the best for him.

You took a deep breath and pressed play on the first song. You had heard samples of a few songs from the album and hearing the whole thing almost felt like an out of body experience. Golden, Watermelon Sugar, Adore You, and Lights Up filled you with so much joy, excitement, and a buzz. His new sound was unlike anything you have ever heard, and you’d still say that even if you weren’t ya know, embarrassingly in love with him. He had found his new groove and it was so poetic and imaginative and just so, Harry. But the farther you got down the list of songs, your stomach dropped.

Obviously you knew that quite a few of these songs would be about her, and obviously there was nothing wrong with that. It was Harry’s album and written from his life experiences, he had every right to write about whoever he wanted. You just didn’t think it would hit you so hard. Falling was a beautiful, raw, purely crafted song and you loved it. But what really did you in was Cherry. Everything from the soft, heartbreakingly warm guitar strumming to his reserved, falsetto voice, to the words that were so obviously meant for someone else, you were done for. Oh god and then his screams at the end. How many times had you felt that way about Harry? How many times had you left a dinner party or one of his shows and watched him leave with someone else and made yourself sick from crying so much and so hard? How many times had you yelled, screamed at the wall for being so invested in him? For loving him so much it made you sick? Too many times. You were able to get through the rest of the album just fine, distracted by the up beat, funky songs. But once you got to the end of the album, your heart cracked wide open again after hearing Fine Line. It was the most beautiful, ethereal, transcendent song you had ever heard, and you couldn’t believe that you knew the person who was responsible for its creation.

Once you were finished listening to the album, you found yourself going back to Fine Line, playing a loop of him saying “You Sunshine, you Temptress”. It was the most beautiful thing you had ever heard, and you just sat there in awe of what you had just experienced.

You looked over at Sam who was already looking at you, and even he was crying. You had no doubt that there was a dry eye in the house.

Remembering that you had so foolishly told Harry that you would find him after you were done listening to the album you tried your best to slow your breathing and heart rate back down, and you wiped your eyes as best you could from the tears that took over a majority of your face. You knew how crazy you must have looked, and you hoped Harry wouldn’t notice that you looked the same as you did when you watched the episode of Grey’s Anatomy when Derek and Meredith FINALLY got together. You had cried THOSE kind of tears.

You stood up from the couch you were sat at and straightened your dress and shook out your hands. Taking a deep breath you wiped at your eyes once more and turned to look at Sam, who was already giving you a sympathetic smile.

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. You shook your head and cleared your throat before you finally found your words.

“Well, you were right. Dammit why does he have to be so? So- just,” Throwing your hands up another tear rolled down your cheek.

Sam smiled and reached for your hand and brushed his thumb over the top, “I know babe. He is just so. I know you told him that you would go talk to him after you listened but you do not have to. I know how hard this was for you and I don’t want him to make you feel even worse. Do you want me to give you a ride home?”

You looked up at him and gave him the best smile you could. “No no I'm fine, I need to stay and go talk to him. I need to tell him how incredible this was, and that I love him. I think I can manage to do that.”

He gave you a reassuring smile and shook his head, “Whatever you need. I’ll be here for a little while longer if you change your mind.”

Before you got up you asked him, “How soppy do I look? On a scale of ya know 1 to soppy?” You asked him with the smallest laugh you could muster.

“You look beautiful. He’s gonna think so too.”

And with that you stood again and finally left to go find Harry. When you rounded the corner of his dramatically long hallway, you found him talking to Jeff and some of his other friends.

Just looking at him from across the room had you teary eyed and your heart feeling like it was going to burst out of your chest. It was like you could feel it in your fingertips just how much you loved him, and every glance he threw your way had you weak at the knees. All you wanted to do was walk over to him and wrap your arms around him and feel his warm hands caress up and down your arms. But you stayed put like you always did, and had your little daydream’s like you always did. As hard as it was to not be “with” him, you’d take anything you could get. Just being in the same room as him made you feel special, and made you feel lucky to know him. Lucky to hear him, lucky to see him, just lucky to know him.

Jeff noticed you lurking behind the both of them and nudged Harry’s shoulder to get his attention. Harry slowly turned around and his eyes softened immediately when he saw it was you. He took off towards you not even bothering to tell the people he was talking to that he was leaving. His gaze on you warmed you from the inside out and you started sniffling again.

He closed the gap between the two of you and you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and looked up at him as his familiar warmth surrounded you. He noticed your weepy eyes immediately and his smile shifted to one of concern. He reached for the crook of your elbow and pulled you in. When he quickly stepped back his hands framed your face and he blurted out a raspy, “Why’re you crying? What happened? Is the album that bad?!” He snorted out a laugh and you gave a matching one, “No no no of course not H. It’s incredible. Really really incredible. I’m so proud of you.” You smiled at him as widely as you could and squeezed his biceps, and for the first time he got an actual look at your face.

Your eyes were definitely still teary and your lips were a bright shade of red and swollen. Your hair was still curled despite you nervously playing with it all night, and it did a good job of hiding your tears. Harry took you in all at once and you smelled so sweet, devine, familiar. Your eyes bounced between him and the floor and he had decided in that moment you had never looked more beautiful. So real.

He started snickering and asked you, “Is that why you’re so upset? Love you look like-”

“Like I just got hit by a bus? Yeah I’m aware H, thanks. And it’s all your fault” you finished with a laugh followed by a whimper.

“I was going to say you look beautiful. And exhausted. Why don’t we go sit somewhere and you can tell me what you really thought. Tha’ sound good?”

He was waiting for your reaction intently when Ben clamoed a hand on his shoulder and told him someone needed his attention right away. “Sorry to steal you away, uh oh are you- is everything okay?” Ben’s eyes flitted back and forth between the two of you.

You spoke up first, “Oh yeah i’m fine, we’re uh- we’re good we were actually just about to go and talk” You shot Ben a small smile and looked back at Harry.

Ben leaned in and whispered something in Harry’s ear and that had Harry shaking his head in agreeance.

Harry glanced back down at you and said “Why don’t you go find somewhere to sit, where it’s uh- just the two of us and wait for me. I’ll only be a minute and I really wanna hear what you think”

His smile dimpled his cheek and carded his hand through his hair.

When you hesitated your reply he grabbed your hand and searched for your eyes again, he opened his mouth so say something else but you cut him off, “Yeah yeah sure I’ll just be uh where I was sitting earlier. Don’t take too long, I might start crying again” you laughed and Harry mirrored a matching one.

“I'll just be a minute, go get comfy” He kissed your forehead and then he was off.

Turning around you tried to hide your squealing and practically ran back to the loveseat you were sitting at earlier. You weren't sure what your plan was, would tonight be the night that you finally, FINALLY confess your undying love for him? Would tonight finally be the night that you tell him what you’ve been feeling all of these years? He was eager to talk to you too, right? He was the one who suggested talking somewhere, alone? Oh dear god could he possibly be waiting to tell you the same thing?! Okay, okay no definitely not but still, maybe? He was awful eager to hear what you thought wasn’t he? Awful eager to go somewhere alone with you?

In your very long winded train of thought you realized you had been waiting an increasingly long time for Harry. You decided to get up and go look for him. You eagerly rose from the couch and padded down the hallway to go find him. Turning the corner your eager smile immediately dropped.

There he was, back turned to you surrounded by a crowd of various adoring women. You recognized a few of them, but not all. You stopped cold in your tracks. Your stomach fell to the floor as your tears clouded your eyes again, what the hell was he doing? This is what was so important that he had to leave you for? You weren't sure if you were more pissed off or upset. They all started laughing at something he said and as soon as Harry looked up from their reactions, his eyes caught yours. You felt your knees go weak and your chest start to heave.

Time to go. You held back your tears as you immediately went searching for your coat and your bag. You just wanted to get out of there, away from Harry and his bullshit lies about “wanting to know what you thought”. Clearly he was more interested in other things. You couldn’t believe he put you in this position, again. You felt so stupid for having hope that maybe he felt the same way about you. So silly of you to think, again that you were on the same level as the women that were in his league, in his world. You felt humiliated beyond belief that he put you here, again. You couldn’t stand to even look at him. You were hoping to leave without him seeing you again, weaving in and out of the crowd of people that filled his living room. You ignored people calling out your name to say goodbye, as you made a beeline for the back door. As short as you were Harry still managed to spot you before you reached the door.

He reached for your arm to stop you but you immediately shook his hand off. That caused him to stop you completely by jumping in front of you to get you to slow down.

His eyes found yours and as painful as it was to look at him.

“Oh my god love stop please what’s wrong? I was just about to go find yeh and talk to you- where are yeh going?’

You huffed. “Oh really? You were just about to come find me? Seemed pretty busy already Harry.”

He knew you using his full name instead of just H meant he was in deep shit.

“I was, honest! Why are yeh so upset?!”

You tried to push past him again but his strong hands on your biceps stopped you.

Looking straight up at the ceiling you squeaked out, “Harry I have to go. I can’t be here anymore and I have a work thing in the morning. “

“Tomorrow is Saturday sweets. I know you don’t have a work thing- and what the hell do yeh mean you can’t be here anymore?” He scoffed. “I thought yeh said yeh loved the album?”

Was he seriously using pet names with you right now? Was he looking to get his ass handed to him?

Looking directly at him you mustered all the courage you had left and said, “I can’t be here anymore and watch you get gawked over by other women, and I sure as hell can’t listen to you sing about her anymore. Please. H just let me go.” Your voice whimpered and a tear slid down your cheek before you finally managed to push past him.

Harry just stood there, dumbfounded. Had he heard you right? Christ had he heard you right?

He was quick to turn around and call out your name but you were already halfway out of the door frame. He begged you to stop but you just picked up the pace and practically ran to your car.

Driving home from the party all you could do was cry. Your tears clouded your visions and you were trembling, chest heaving trying to catch your breath. You were so incredibly proud of Harry, and his album. You tried to convince yourself that these were partly “happy” tears but you knew that wasn’t the truth. You knew it sounded cheesy but you have never wanted to be with him as badly as tonight. That was until you saw him with his new friend. But the more you tried to stay mad at him, you couldn’t. You still just wanted to be with him. And it wasn’t because he was Harry Styles and had a brand new (probably going to be platinum) album out. It was because he was Harry. Your H, your best friend, your favorite person. The man who put together a party where he was surrounded by everyone who loved him and who he felt the most safe around, all to just share his most personal album to date. He made this incredible piece of art and the first thing he wanted to do was share it with the people he loves the most, it was the most adorable thing you had ever seen.

You finally neared the street your apartment was on, and as soon as you got inside and pulled your phone out of your handbag, you already had 5 missed calls and voicemails to match. You knew you scared him with the way that you very dramatically stormed out of his place with tears in your eyes, but you just couldn't call him back. Or even begin to think to. Not only were you heartbroken and upset about the whole situation, you were also embarrassed for your outburst, or actual lack thereof. Damn him and his ability to make you lose all the words in your brain every time he looked at you. You put your phone away for the night, washed off your makeup and put on one of Harry’s old t-shirts you stole a couple years ago to sleep in. You pulled the covers over your head and finally drifted off.

The next few days consisted of Harry calling you every .2 seconds. He sent flowers, baked goods. He even sent you a loaf of bread, which he was sure would do the trick. A bit of an inside joke between the two of you and your shared love of eating your sadness away with the help of massive carbohydrates. He knew better than to actually drop by and try to see you, he figured he just needed to give you a few days and you’d call and tell him what was going on. His main reasoning for that actually was that he didn’t want to spook you or see you upset again. He knew you would come back to him, you always did.

By the 4th day of not hearing from you, Harry was getting increasingly worried. You got a call from Sam, your Mom, multiple mutual friends of yours, you even got a call from Jeff. All claiming that Harry didn’t tell them to call you and check on you, even though you knew that they all had orders to report back to him with whatever you said. Each call you either declined or gave a vague reasoning of why you sounded so unlike yourself. You weren’t really sure what your long term plan was, it’s not like you could just ignore him forever or the situation forever. Although, changing your name and moving to Bora Bora didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

The more phone calls you got the more you wondered about what Harry had told them as a reason to check on you. Being the blabber mouth that he is you were sure that he had told them about what you said to him. It’s not like literally everyone didn’t know how you felt about him, but the fact that he now knew how you felt made your stomach churn.

Maybe Bora Bora was still an option. You tried to busy yourself as best you could, but of course like always your thoughts circled back to Harry. Maybe he hadn’t heard you? Maybe he was too busy thinking about what’s her face that was rubbing her hands up and down his back to hear what you said? You hoped it was the latter.

By the 5th day of you hiding out in your apartment, Harry had lost all patience and grace. He decided to make his presence known and come over to your place. He was tired of waiting, and quite frankly he was terrified he had hurt you beyond repair. The two of you had had little spats and fights over the years of your friendship, at the longest it only took a day for the two of you to calm down and then you were okay. This is the longest the two of you had gone without speaking, and it was making him sick. He needed you, and he loved you. He just hoped he hadn’t ran out of time to tell you.

By the time he got to your apartment you had managed to actually get dressed for the day. For you that meant an old, ratty sweatshirt of Harry’s you stole along with your sleep shirt, a pair of yoga pants. You took your hair out of it’s bun and took a long look in the mirror at yourself. You looked pitiful. You pulled the sleeves of Harry’s sweatshirt over your hands, wiped your tears away and went to get comfy in your front room. You were one episode of Grey’s Anatomy deep when there was a knock at your door. Shit.

You stayed perfectly still and muted the TV. You knew exactly who it was knocking. You’d hope he hadn’t heard your TV and he’d assume you weren’t home. You held your breath as your cheeks started to warm.

It was when you heard that slow, honeyed rasp that your eyes started to leak.

Harry let out a long breath and knocked again. “Angel I know you’re in there. Please, please let me in. I just wanna see your face. I need to lay my eyes on you.” His voice was softer, slower. “I need to hear your voice love please.”

You stood at your feet. As mad and hurt you were by him you just wanted to fling the door open and fall into him. But part of you still wasn’t ready to come face to face with him.

Harry knocked on your door again and you moved closer. He let out another heavy sigh, “Love don’t make me use my key. Please open the door.”

Shit shit shit shit! Why had you given him a key?! Could you run to your bathroom and sneak out the window? Could you hide in your pantry? All viable options you thought.

“Okay, you’ve left me no choice. I’m coming in.” Harry all but barked at you.

Your eyes went wide and you ran to the door and put your hand on the lock. “Wait wait wait Harry just uh- give me, give me a minute.” You fluffed up your hair a little bit and straightened your sweatshirt.

Oh god. You were wearing his sweatshirt. Why couldn't you just melt into the ground instead of opening the door? You wanted to bolt but you knew you just needed to get this over with.

Opening the door you were met with a very somber looking Harry, but his eyes softened and he smiled once he saw you. He looked so sad, so concerned, so confused. He was wearing one of his sweatshirts from his first tour, black jeans and his checkered vans.

“There she is. Hi love.” Harry’s eyes raked over your figure and his eyes went wide when he saw you clad in his sweatshirt. He went in for a hug but you pulled away before he could close the gap and you stepped to the side of him. His brow furrowed but before he could speak you muttered a very small “Hi Harry.”

He was still upset you were using his full name. He wanted to hear your sweet, familiar voice saying the nickname that rolled off your tongue so easily. It was one of his favorite words coming from you, and it made his heart swell each time you said it. It instantly felt cold in your apartment, and you suddenly wish you wouldn’t have opened the door.

You walked behind your kitchen island to put a barrier in between the two of you and his eyes wouldn’t leave yours. The two of you just stood there in silence and you swore you had never felt so exposed. So uncomfortable. How many times had you stood in this very spot with Harry making breakfast together? How many times had he danced with you around your kitchen? How many beautiful and truly wonderful memories did you have of spending time together in your home? You couldn’t believe how detached you felt from him, and as hurt as you were itching to touch him. This strange silence felt so unfamiliar.

You smiled as best as you could and asked him, “What’s up? Are you okay? What’s got you so curious that you had to come all the way over here?” you laughed a little at the end in hopes of him not being able to hear you sniffle.

His eyebrows raised before he replied, “Love you scared the shit out of me. I’ve been worried out of my absolute mind the past couple days. I- I need to know what yeh really meant when you said you couldn’t listen to me sing about her anymore?” His eyes flitted all over your face as he waited for your response. “Please tell me. I’ve been out of my mind thinking about it all week.”

You felt your chest tighten and your eyes started to tear up again. You were just about to make up an excuse when you realized that’s what you’ve been doing all these years, and all it’s done is hurt you and not gotten you and Harry anywhere. Hang buildup. He had already heard you the other night. He needed to know how you really felt.

Looking up at him you took a deep breath and tried to steady yourself. You were half expecting you to chicken out and make up another excuse, but all that came out was, “I’m in love with you Harry.”

Harry’s eyes snapped up and you wished the floor would have come up and swallowed you whole. Where the hell did that come from?! Shit shit shit shit there was no way to take that one back. But you know what? Screw it. Hang buildup. The flood gates were wide open.

You took advantage of your rare bravery and kept going.

“Harry I love you. I’m in love with you. My heart is so full of you I can’t even call it my own anymore. I love you. I really, truly do. I love you so much I can feel it in my finger tips. And every time you look at me. You’re a piece of me. I dream of you. I don’t come without you. I take you with me, everywhere I go. I love you in a really big, stupid, annoying kind of way. Like in the way that I check the weather wherever you’re traveling to so I can know what it’s like where you are. I love you in the way that when you’re out of town I go and I visit with your Mom because I know how much she misses you and I take comfort in her home because it was once your home. I love you in the way that I save every voicemail and voice note you’ve ever left me and I listen to them when i’ve had a shitty day or when I just want to hear your voice and you’re not here. I love you in the way that is embarrassing and loud and over the top. You are the best part of any day.”

Floodgates, wide open. When you finally finished your speech you stood there, unmoving waiting for him to say something. When he stood there for a good minute not saying anything, you started to panic. Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit way too much why did you say all of that?! This was not the finale of Grey’s Anatomy, who did you think you were? Maybe you could still bust out of your bathroom window.

You stuttered and very shakily tried to take it back. “Oh my god I’m so sorry- you, you don’t have to say anything. Maybe you should go, it's clear you don’t feel the same way and we can just try and forget what I said.”

Harry cleared his throat before he readjusted his stance. He went reaching for the pocket in his sweatshirt, and pulled out a pile of letters and notes with a rubber band holding them together.

“I uh, I've been adding to this since the first week we met.” He cleared his throat but he didn’t want to spook you so he just slid them across the island.

There were dozens of letters and sticky notes, even old receipts that had his handwriting scrambled all over them. You figured they were song lyrics and ideas he had, but then you saw your name. He had written you dozens of love letters and notes. He dated them too, and he was telling the truth. The first one was dated the exact day you two had met. You knew because it was the same night you saw him perform for the first time. Your face was red as a tomato as you started to read them and you were suddenly crying again. You hadn’t even noticed but Harry had closed the gap between the two of you and his warm presence was behind you. He brushed his hand against your arm and spun you around to face him.

“I’ve loved you for forever, angel. I’ve loved you since you set foot backstage at that show so many years ago. We had just met and we had had literally one conversation but I knew. I just looked at you and I knew I was going to be with you. Some way, somehow. I didn’t care how long it took. And for the first couple of years of us being friends I settled for just that because I loved you so much it kind of scared me. Hence the pile of notes of me confessing my feelings time and time again.” Harry grabbed your hand and brought it to his chest before continuing, “I love you I love you I love you. Yeh pretty much my entire heartbeat. Y’my girl.”

You were positively sobbing and you felt like you were on fire. Were you dreaming? Did he just? Did he just say all of that? Did he just swoop in here and basically say that he’s been in love with you since the beginning of time? You were in awe of the man standing in front of you. This man who you had loved for years and who you had watched grow into this incredibly understanding, resilient, unashamedly vulnerable man who exudes love and kindness. How lucky were you to love him, and to be loved by him? It almost didn’t feel real, like some sort of daydream. A beautiful, beautiful daydream.

Your throat went dry and you suddenly forgot how to speak. You broke out into an uncontrollable snicker and managed to choke out, “Me? You, you love me too?”

Harry cradled your face in his hands and brushed his thumbs over the tops of your cheeks and let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah I do love. Loved yeh forever. Don't know why it took yeh so long t’see it. Will yeh let me kiss yeh now?”

Oh, hell yes. Harry brought his mouth down to yours and sealed your lips in the sweetest, most sipping kiss. He tasted like his favorite mint tea and his scent over took all of your senses. He kissed you over and over, somehow buttoning your lips together even more perfectly each time. When you both smiled into the kiss it broke and you stood there holding each other with your foreheads pressed together, panting. Harry looked up at you and you had never seen him smile so wide. You were sure he was actually in pain. He looked you up and down and tugged at the bottom of your (his) sweatshirt.

“What’s this hm? Another way you love me? By stealing all m’clothes and never returning them?”

You started giggling and told him to “Shut up H.” You bashfully grinned and hid your face in his warm neck and breathed him in.

“Hey now that’s not nice m’love. Thought yeh said you loved me?” he gave you a shit eating grin and you gave him a matching one.

“I do H, that I do.” That had him grinning at you wider than you had ever seen and the two of you spent the rest of the night wrapped around each other telling each other over and over again how much you loved each other. Well, and maybe showing each other how much you loved each other, too.

#I AM GOING TO THROW UP AND HIDE NOW BYE AJSKEKDDIDIE #pypfc #dreamy #harry styles imagines #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles one shot #harry fluff

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unsaidholland · 3 years

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‘tis the damn season | s. holland

i hope y’all enjoy 4.9k words of sam holland missing his first girlfriend and having a brief second chance with her :)

warnings: none!

sam had met y/n in high school. he went to an all-boys school, but y/n went to its sister school, and though they didn’t see each other often, there was always something there between the two of them. from the awkward school dances to their shared graduation, whenever the two saw each other, they couldn’t help but feel some sort of attachment. their friends were no stranger to it either. sam was constantly teased over not asking her out or not making a move, to which he would counter with, “how do you even know she likes me?”

after their graduation, sam had worked up the courage to ask her out, and they dated for just a few months, only calling it off once sam found out he was to work at the ski resort in france. at the time, they thought letting go was easier than trying to make it work, but it left them continually wondering what would’ve happened if they had just stayed together.

sam had come back to london with a new girlfriend, not that y/n minded. the two kept in touch, but it was usually long conversations that occurred once every few months, but there was no bad blood between the two. sam’s new relationship had taken off, and again, only ended once he was set to work in scotland, finding a good culinary opportunity there. letting go was always easier than trying to make it work.

sam spent some of his nights in edinburgh wondering what would’ve happened if he had never let go of his first real girlfriend. maybe they would still be together, or maybe they would’ve ended up hating each other. the alternate timelines swam around sam’s thoughts, but the one thing that stayed was the memory of her watching him walk away towards his gate when he left kingston the first time. he thought about the tears rolling down her cheeks and the way she couldn’t bear to let go.

sometimes sam wondered what she was doing, but if it really bugged him, he knew he could’ve just asked, after all, there were no ill feelings between them. he always wondered how she knew him so well. she could read his expression like a book, and just like an appraiser, y/n was able to tell when he was faking a smile.

broken from his thoughts by the phone ringing, sam looked at his phone screen to see an incoming facetime call from his mum. he answered it, and his screen suddenly showed nikki’s face, a smile gracing her cheeks, happy to see her second oldest child.

“hi darling!” she cheerfully said, and her joy radiated through the phone, making sam smile as well.

“hi mum! how’re you?” the conversation started off with them catching up, mostly nikki asking sam about how work has been, and then he talked about how well he played golf the other day against his boss, knowing that his father wasn’t out of earshot.

“you’re coming home for christmas, yeah?” she asked, just before they were to bid each other their goodbyes.

“yup, i’m off on the twentieth, so i fly in that afternoon. i can make a roast dinner for us on the 24th, is granny tess making pies?” nikki nodded, and sam nodded along with her. they quickly said their goodbyes, seeing at how late it had become, and all sam could think about after they had hung up, was being back in his hometown with y/n just a few miles away.

•••

sam had stepped off the plane and went to check-in and grab his bags from the carousel. the airport was busy, filled with people flying home to their family or leaving with their loved ones to go on holiday. he had flown in two days early, wanting to surprise his parents, and was waiting for harry and tom to land. their flights landed thirty minutes apart, but because sam’s flight was ahead of schedule, that thirty minutes turned into forty-three minutes, though he didn’t mind the slightly longer wait.

sam went to the nearest cafe and bought himself a butter croissant and a small coffee. though it was already four in the afternoon, he was feeling quite tired and needed a quick pick me up. it also killed more time than expected seeing as the line was so long.

it wasn’t long until he reunited with his twin and his older brother. the three of them shared a long hug in the middle of the waiting area, gaining some soft smiles from bystanders. harry called their mum and asked them where they had parked, and soon enough the three boys were reunited with their family at last.

“i thought you weren’t coming in until sunday?” nikki exclaimed, arms thrown around sam. he could’ve sworn she was tearing up a little, but he brushed it off knowing that if he brought it up she was going to cry some more.

“i wanted to surprise you guys!”

“i haven’t cleaned your room yet!” nikki quickly remembered. upon sam’s departure, his room quickly turned into another storage space, where one would find small storage boxes of summer clothes from each of the residing members.

“it’s fine mum, i’ll clean it when we get home,” sam said, and with that, they quickly packed all the suitcases into the car and drove to the holland household. the car ride was filled with stories that tom and harry were telling from being on set and the six of them catching up together for the first time in what felt like forever. there was truly no other place sam would rather be, but for some reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about the girl he dated the summer after high school graduation. he couldn’t stop thinking about the first kiss the two of them shared and the way her lips felt against his - so soft and tasting of vanilla frosting from the cupcake she had just eaten.

sam’s mind continued to drift far from the conversation and closer to the girl who sat at home with her family, to the girl who sam hoped longed for him as much as he longed for her. somehow, whenever he thought of her and what could’ve happened, it always led him back to kingston. maybe he’d have stayed if they didn’t break up.

•••

that night after dinner, sam went to drive tom and harry to their house. it was late in the evening, but the roads were still busy. the thin layer of snow that laid on people’s front lawns reflected the lights of the cars that passed him.

sam was sure that harry could feel him reminiscing and focusing on what could of been, but harry didn’t mention anything and neither did tom. after dropping his brothers off and helping them bring their stuff inside, sam left to drive home, but found himself taking the long way. something pulled him to go to his old school. he parked between the church and the school building and thought back to when he asked y/n out on the football field after leaving the graduation ceremony. his parents were ringing him asking where he was, and he heard your phone go off too, but in that moment all that mattered was you two.

the holidays always seemed to remind him of y/n. ever since he moved to scotland, coming back to kingston was like picking a scab and causing that wound to never heal. he always felt cold whenever he thought of her, cold from the pain that they had brought each other all those years ago. how that pain had never healed was unbeknownst to him, but it always brought him back to the street between the methodist and the school.

as sam drove home, he for some reason couldn’t stop thinking about the day he left for france. they weren’t together, but she was still there to say her goodbyes. it was one of the last times he had seen her, but sam couldn’t stop thinking about how he walked over to the gate and looked over his shoulder only to see her still standing there and watching as he left her. the image of her standing still as everyone else in the airport kept moving around her was burned into sam’s brain and was something he could never forget.

the memories of y/n and sam driving around the countryside were the only things flowing through his mind. he thought of how they had had countless picnics at the fields they were allowed to, and how that summer was practically perfect. sure he followed up his relationship with y/n for one with ciara that lasted for almost four years, but the short-lived relationship was filled with nothing but passion that was turned on high, the idea of it being a summer fling had fueled it, but the slow burn was also something he had missed.

ciara and sam had always had something between them, that was evident in france, but it was different. sam couldn’t put his finger on it, and the more he thought about it, the more he wondered if she was a replacement for someone who was long gone or if she was genuinely someone he had quickly fallen in love with.

•••

as christmas eve rolled around, sam found himself busy with food prep. and when dinner rolled around, and he was busy with his family. he had an urge to text her, but the fact that he was consistently busy kept him from doing so. when his family decided to watch a movie in the living room, he found the time to text her. his fingers tapped on the screen, finding her contact and opening their last conversation, but then sam paused. what was he supposed to even say? he leaned forward so his forearms were resting on the edge of the kitchen island, the feel of the granite cooling down his skin.

while sam’s thumbs hovered over the keyboard, figuring out what he wanted to say, harry was walking into the kitchen in search of another beer. sam was so focused on the task at hand that he didn’t even hear his brother come in until he said, “what’re you doing?”

sam’s head shot up in the direction of where harry was standing, by the fridge.

“mate you scared me,” sam said, knowingly avoiding the question harry had asked. harry raised an eyebrow at him, but sam knew that harry had a feeling something was going on all due to the fact that they were twins.

“so, what’re you doing?” harry asked again in search for an answer. sam thought between telling a white lie or just telling harry the truth. it wasn’t groundbreaking that he wanted to text someone who he hadn’t seen in more than four years, right? sam was about to lie when harry snatched sam’s phone right out of his hands.

“hey!”

“why are you texting y/n?” they practically said in sync. sam couldn’t form a coherent sentence to explain this. he kept opening his mouth, but then closing it seconds afterwards, his brain not being able to form a sentence. harry’s jaw dropped when he made the connections. “you wanna see her again. i knew you still had feelings for her!”

“keep your voice down you idiot!” sam scolded the younger of the two, trying to cover harry’s mouth with his hand just in case he would say something else that he wasn’t ready to share with the family. “yes i want to meet up with her, but,” sam paused. but what? what was supposed to come after that? “i don’t know. is this stupid?” sam asked, mostly to himself, but also directed at harry.

harry just looked at his twin brother baffled. sam knew that y/n was the last person he should’ve been thinking about, not because she did anything wrong, but because she was someone who he was with when he was seventeen. a lot has changed, but how come his feelings stayed the same?

“there are so many girls you could’ve wanted to text. literally anyone. maggie, ella, haley, ciara, but why y/n?” harry asked. sam knew he wasn’t supposed to answer that question, that harry had asked it to only feed his thoughts, but his brain quickly scrambled for an answer.

“home just reminds me of her is all,” sam mumbled. it was the only thing he could think of, but it wasn’t a lie. being at home in kingston always reminded him of the summer nights he spent sneaking y/n in and out of his house, and driving to the nearest mcdonald’s at two a.m. when it seemed like they were the only people awake. well, them and the drive-thru workers, but it still felt like they were the only ones there. kingston always reminded him of the days they would stroll through london with no plan, and how they always took the train home absolutely knackered with their feet so sore from how far they walked, but he wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

“mhm, sure.” as soon as harry spoke, a whoosh sound came from sam’s phone, and he had only realized that harry texted her.

“mate what the fuck!” sam exclaimed, immediately reaching over to grab his phone back, eyes scrambling to read the words his idiot twin brother had sent.

“thank me later,” was all harry said before he went back into the living room to continue watching elf with his family.

i’m back in town for christmas, do you wanna hang out this weekend for old times sake?

sam sighed knowing he couldn’t take anything back, but damn did he want to.

•••

y/n was sat on the couch with her family asleep upstairs in their rooms. she was the only one awake on christmas eve, mostly because she had fallen into the habit of sleeping late. whenever she had to work, her shifts were always later in the day, which meant she got home later and would always fall asleep around two a.m.

her christmas dinner wasn’t anything extravagant. she and her family never did anything big for christmas, or for the holidays in general, but they just used the holiday to spend time with one another, even though it usually ended with them just sat around a tv with dinner plates on their laps as they watched and ate. y/n enjoyed the simple things, and dinner and a movie were exactly what she needed and prepared herself for. it wasn’t until how the grinch stole christmas finished when she received sam’s text. it was maybe ten pm when she saw it, but her brain spent the hour following it just processing what was happening.

i’m back in town for christmas, do you wanna hang out this weekend for old times sake? the words floated around her brain over and over again as she tried to process the situation. she hadn’t seen him in years, and they only talked every few months, but their conversations were typically just a “how are you?” and an, “i’m doing well!” and never anything more than that. she wanted more though. she wouldn’t be lying if she said she didn’t miss him, but y/n just blamed that on how reminiscent she always was.

what was she supposed to say to the boy she dated when she was seventeen? maybe it would be nice to feel like she was seventeen again, even if it was just for a few days. would there be any feelings attached? she couldn’t help but wonder about the circumstances of it.

“what the fuck is my life,” she groaned as she threw her head back onto the back of the couch. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, right?

pick me up at two am, saturday morning, just like old times :) she replied with, hoping that she wasn’t biting off more than she could chew. maybe they’d go back to the old mcdonald’s drive-thru that they used to frequent, or maybe they would go down that backroad that sam first took her on right after he got his license.

y/n’s mind then drifted to the last time she saw him, to her standing in the middle of the airport watching sam walk away from her. she felt the same hurt that she felt that day, and somehow she knew she would feel it once again once the weekend was over, but she wanted to feel that thrill once more, the thrill of being seventeen and in love.

•••

the evening of the twenty-fifth was filled with joy for the hollands, but for sam it was riddled with nerves. in just a few hours he would be driving around with y/n, someone he hadn’t seen since he had left her standing in that airport however many years ago.

he immediately started wondering what was going to happen when they hung out. whatever ended up happening, he was going back to scotland, that wasn’t going to change, but what if y/n asked sam to stay? what would happen then? the first time sam left, he wanted her to ask him to stay. he didn’t say anything because he knew he had to go, but how different would things be if she had asked him to stay? sam knew that this time would be different, but it would end the exact same way it did the first time.

sam knew that y/n would always remind him of home, that wouldn’t change. she would always remind him of being home, of his firsts. she’d always remind him of his first kiss, his first time, his first drink, and his first party. y/n would always remind him of the all-boys school he and harry went to and how she was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on. granted, they were fourteen when they met, but he knew his feelings weren’t just infatuation. y/n made him feel different. he had always felt different towards her, and maybe it was just the constant thought of what could’ve been, but regardless, sam had a second chance, a second chance of calling her babe, even if it was just for the weekend.

one a.m. had quickly rolled around, and before sam knew it he was getting ready to go pick her up. after putting on a heather grey hoodie he was sure he had stolen from tom, and a pair of black jeans, he went downstairs and grabbed his coat, making sure he had everything he needed.

the drive to y/n’s house didn’t take as long as he had given himself, but he also needed time to mentally prepare before he let her know he was there. after turning down every street he could turn down in her neighbourhood just to kill time, sam found himself parked outside of her family’s house and sending a text letting her know he was out front. just seconds later, she had come out from the side door of the house wearing a black, puffy winter jacket, and a pair of black joggers. her jacket was unzipped to reveal a university sweater, and sam quickly noticed it was the one she dreamt of going to, but didn’t get into.

“hey, you!” she said once she got into the car. they shared an awkward hug, each of them leaning over the centre console, and sam kicked himself for not getting out of the car to greet her.

“hi there darling,” sam greeted her, the pet name rolling off the tongue as if it was supposed to. he knew he shouldn’t have called her that, but he couldn’t help himself.

“where are we going mr. holland?” she asked after buckling herself in. sam looked over at her and swore she was an angel. she was glowing in the moonlight, and even though they were around each other for less than a minute, sam could feel that there was still something there.

“you’ll see,” was all he said before he put the car in drive and headed down the street to the old mcdonald’s drive-thru they used to go to. he had the night planned out, and luckily for him, he had remembered to get gas before going over to her place. they were going to drive around like old times, and if he played his cards right, then maybe they would end up watching the sunrise sitting on the roof of his house, just like they used to.

they spent the whole car ride catching up, talking about ex’s, but then they reached a point where they felt like they both were seventeen again, and sam could tell by the way she seemed more carefree.

after ordering their food and driving around for a bit, sam decided the rooftop was going to be the best place to talk. they were sat next to each other, the roof tiles covered with a blanket. sam and y/n shared a blue blanket that laid across their legs, the mcdonald’s bag sat in between them. it was silent for a bit as they looked out at the stars. sam couldn’t stop thinking about how small their town felt, how nothing seemed to matter except him and y/n. was this what he wanted? for nothing to matter except for the two of them?

“do you ever think of what would’ve happened if you had stayed?” y/n asked, breaking the silence. sam took a minute to think. of course he did, but where was this conversation going to lead them.?

“mhm, but what i come up with always changes,” sam admitted knowing that she wouldn’t have brought it up if she didn’t think about it herself. part of him hoped that she was going to ask him to stay, but he knew she wasn’t planning on it. he reached over and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers together. y/n’s hand was so cold, but she’d always been a cold person sam remembered. “what happens in your alternate universe?” sam asked, wondering if her hypotheticals aligned with his.

sam looked over at y/n only to see her deep in thought. he recognized that look anywhere. her eyebrows were furrowed and she was biting on her bottom lip. sam always wondered why she did that when she was thinking deeply, but never asked why.

“i guess i just always imagined that if you had stayed we would’ve lasted longer, or maybe we would’ve still been together,” she mumbled. sam just nodded not finding the words to say, what was he even supposed to say to that? he knew that she was right, they would’ve lasted longer if he didn’t leave, but he couldn’t change that it happened.

“for whatever it’s worth, i’m sorry i left.” he would always be sorry for leaving, that’s something that had never left. the guilt of leaving y/n in the airport always made itself known, and sam didn’t know how to fix it. he knew the weekend was going to end with him leaving again, that’s something he couldn’t change, but he hoped the guilt wouldn’t grow.

“i know,” y/n whispered, barely audible for him to hear. sam could tell that this was hurting her from the way she was trying to close herself off by bringing her knees up to her chest. maybe he had reopened a wound that hadn’t healed by asking to hang out with y/n, maybe he was breaking his own heart by wanting to see her again, but the road not taken was so appealing.

“i just wish you would’ve stayed,” she whispered. those six words made sam feel like someone had stomped on his heart and shattered it, but there was nothing he could do to change the past.

“i’m leaving on january second, so we have until then,” he stated, hoping that they would make the most of those few days that they had left together. sam watched as she processed it, then glancing down to where their hands were connected. he let go to put his arms around her and pull her into a hug, the black jacket compressing under the pressure of his arms. “what do you say?” he asked, then kissing her cheek. there were unsaid feelings still lingering between them, and sam knew from the way that y/n stole glances at him while they were in the car that she still felt something for him.

y/n smiled and nodded her head, but sam knew that this was only going to hurt more by the time he had to leave. he knew that nothing was going to change, nothing was going to get better. she wasn’t going to ask him to stay, she didn’t the first time, and sam knew that there was too much on the line for her to ask him to stay this time around.

they stayed on the roof for a few hours longer, waiting for the sunrise. all sam and y/n did was just talk, but with the way y/n laid on his lap, sam could feel that she also was hanging onto the moment as much as she could, that she was grasping onto it for dear life.

as the sun rose, y/n sat up and tilted her head so it was resting on his shoulder. sam’s arm came up to wrap around her shoulders, bringing her closer to his body. the orange and yellow colours of the sun melted and dissolved the dark night sky, and if sam thought that y/n was glowing in the moonlight before, he definitely thought she was glowing now with the way the sun cast a warm glow onto her skin. sure it was five in the morning in the dead of winter, but he hadn’t felt this warm in a long time.

once the sun had finished rising and was above the horizon, they began the climb back down to the ground. as they climbed down, sam looked into the kitchen window only to see two pairs of eyes staring back at him, one of them being tessa’s, and the other being harry. y/n sheepishly waved at him, a wave that felt like they had been caught doing something wrong. sam nodded at his brother who only returned a smirk in his direction, to which sam rolled his eyes at. they got back into the car, and sam found himself taking the long way back to y/n’s place, not wanting the night to end just because the sun had come up.

as they pulled up to y/n’s house, sam bid her an innocent kiss goodbye, the feeling of her soft, slightly chapped lips against his lips, also slightly chapped from the cold, sent sparks through his body.

“i’ll see you tonight?” he asked, and she let out a hum of agreement before saying ‘goodbye,’ and walking up to her front door and sneaking back into her house.

on the drive back to his house, sam knew that harry would be waiting for him with questions he wasn’t prepared to answer. he knew that harry would be sitting at the kitchen table, his tea in one hand, and his phone in the other, waiting for sam to come back just so he could interrogate him, and boy did he interrogate him.

as soon as sam opened the door to the house, harry immediately called out, “so how was your date?” sam shut the door behind him and took off his shoes and coat before he walked into the kitchen where harry was sitting just as he predicted, with a cup of tea in one hand and his phone in the other.

“it wasn’t a date, but it was very nice, thank you for asking,” sam stated.

“yeah yeah, whatever. what are you going to do when you have to leave again?” harry was looking at sam with an all-knowing look on his face, but even a blind person could see how this was ending, and it wasn’t going to end well.

“i’ll get there when i get there.” sam didn’t care that this was going to hurt him much more than when he left for france, but he didn’t care because the second chance he had with her was far more exhilarating than just wondering what would’ve happened. sam sat down in the chair beside harry, leaning down to pet tessa who was sitting by his feet.

“you’re only going to hurt yourself,” harry said, a tone of concern tinting his voice. their family was always honest with one another, but harry and sam were always honest on a different level. their honesty usually came in a form of protection, and sam knew that harry was just trying to protect him, but he didn’t care if he was going to get hurt, it was all worth it to him.

“‘tis the damn season,” sam shrugged. the eight days they had left with each other was all sam needed, even if she didn’t ask him to stay this time around.

anything and everything taglist: @hollanderfangirl @hxrryhxlland @ohmy-moonlightx @musicalkeys @notsosmexy @writertoo18 @icyhollands @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

#sam holland #sam holland x reader #sam holland x y/n #sam holland x you #sam holland fic #sam holland imagine #sam holland imagines #sam holland fluff #sam holland angst

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

Text

People, May 10

Cover: Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade

Page 3: Chatter -- Mindy Kaling on technology woes, Amy Adams on wanting to go into acting because of Grease, Gal Gadot on telling her daughters Maya and Alma about her pregnancy, DJ Khaled on using Rihanna's skin-care line, Christie Brinkley on showing off her body on Instagram at age 67, Whoopi Goldberg on writing a superhero movie about an older Black lady

Page 4: 5 Things We're Talking About -- Michael Keaton returns as Batman, Jane Fonda recalls her first and best kiss, Maya Rudolph would give Bridesmaids another go, the stars of ER scrub in one more time, popcorn and donuts team up

Page 7: Contents

Page 8: StarTracks -- one day before Prince William and Princess Kate's youngest child Prince Louis turned 3, Kensington Palace released a new portrait of the little royal to mark the occasion; Kate snapped the photo of Louis, who wore a school uniform and backpack as he rode his bike outside their home in London ahead of his first day of preschool

Page 9: JoJo Siwa and mom Jessalynn went for a roller-coaster ride at Disney's Hollywood studios in Florida, Madonna in a three-piece Gucci suit for dinner at West Hollywood staple Craig's

Page 10: Stars on Set -- Rachel Brosnahan was pretty in pink while filming season 4 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with costar Alex Borstein in NYC, John Cena flashed a peace sign when he took a coffee break while filming The Suicide Squad spinoff series Peacemaker in Vancouver, Tika Sumpter and James Marsden shot an action-packed scene for Sonic the Hedgehog 2 in Vancouver

Page 11: Katie Holmes was spotted on a Connecticut set preparing to film the drama The Watergate Girl in which she'll play Watergate prosecutor Jill Wine-Banks, Awkwafina and Bowen Yang filmed the upcoming season of Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens in NYC, Melissa Benoist suited up for Supergirl in Vancouver

Page 12: Brooke Shields who is recovering after breaking her femur in a gym accident walked arm in arm after a lunch with husband Chris Henchy, Britney Spears and boyfriend Sam Asghari posed for a photo before attending a friend's wedding

Page 15: Stars in the Sun -- Maren Morris flaunted her new tan while enjoying a tropical getaway, Simone Biles and boyfriend Jonathan Owens cuddled up during a trip to Florida, Lindsey Vonn caught some waves and some rays while paddleboarding in Tulum, Derek Hough cooled off in the ocean during a beach day in L.A., Brie Larson enjoyed a dip while on vacation in Hawaii

Page 17: Scoop -- Life After Their Split -- how Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are moving on

Page 18: Inside Caitlyn Jenner's run for governor

Page 20: Heart Monitor -- Tarek El Moussa and Heather Rae Young ready to wed, Pete Davidson and Phoebe Dynevor going public, Zac Efron and Vanessa Valladares split, Billie Eilish and Matthew Tyler Vorce new couple?

Page 23: Jana Kramer and Mike Caussin's messy divorce

* Susannah Constantine -- my royal friendship with Princess Margaret

Page 24: Open House -- French Montana

* Baby Boom -- the latest on Hollywood's growing families -- Marie Kondo and Takumi Kawahara welcomed a son, Nick and Lauren Carter welcomed their third child

Page 27: Ed Helms talks life after The Office

Page 29: Passages, Why I Care -- Lisa Kudrow is working with doctors at UCLA to end the stigma surrounding mental health issues

Page 31: Stories to Make You Smile -- most cats can't stand the water but 8-month-old Marlin can't get enough and his Instagram is @carolinejarvis, a first grader's airplane kits give wings to kids' travel dreams

Page 35: People Picks -- Tom Clancy's Without Remorse

Page 36: Limbo, One to Watch -- Shadow and Bone's Jessie Mei Li

Page 37: Pose, Pet Stars

Page 38: The Handmaid's Tale, Thomas Rhett -- Country Again: Side A, Q&A with Olivia Holt

Page 39: The Mosquito Coast, Inspiring America: The 2021 Inspiration List

Page 41: Books

Page 42: Oscars 2021 -- The Return of Glamour -- the show was unconventional, just 170 guests were allowed in L.A.'s Union Station, and COVID restrictions were strictly enforced, but stars did their part to bring back some movie magic

Page 43: Andra Day

Page 44: Fabulous Fashion -- crop tops, ball gowns and bows ruled the red carpet -- Angela Bassett, Zendaya, Carey Mulligan, Maria Bakalova

Page 45: Margot Robbie, Reese Witherspoon, Viola Davis, Amanda Seyfried

Page 46: Behind the Scenes -- Regina King -- the actress closed out awards season in a custom Louis Vuitton creation

Page 48: Shine Bright -- there's no such thing as too much bling -- Laura Pausini, Vanessa Kirby, Zendaya

Page 49: Maria Bakalova, Daniel Kaluuya, Glenn Close, Tiara Thomas

Page 50: Very Well Suited -- these sharp dressers put their own twists on the tuxedo -- Lakeith Stanfield, Colman Domingo, Paul Raci, Tyler Perry, Sacha Baron Cohen, Alan Kim

Page 53: Getting Ready with Andra Day

Page 55: Getting Ready with Angela Bassett

Page 56: Romance on the Red Carpet -- these couples only had eyes for each other -- Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher, Halle Berry and Van Hunt, Chloe Zhao and Joshua James Richards, Riz Ahmed and Fatima Farheen Mirza

Page 57: Steven Yeun and Joana Pak, Leslie Odom Jr. and Nicolette Robinson, Paul Raci and Liz Hanley Raci, Aaron Sorkin and Paulina Porizkova

Page 58: Best in Show -- there were A-list stars, groundbreaking moments and social distancing as Hollywood gathered safely to honor the best movies of the year -- Reese Witherspoon

Page 61: Alan Kim, Angela Bassett, Rita Moreno

Page 62: Major Moments -- these artists broke barriers during the most historic ceremony ever -- Emerald Fennell, Chloe Zhao, Daniel Kaluuya

Page 63: H.E.R., Anthony Hopkins, Yuh-Jung Youn with Brad Pitt, Mia Neal

Page 65: Yuh-Jung Youn and Daniel Kaluuya and Frances McDormand, Elton John and Dua Lipa, Andra Day and Winnie Harlow

Page 66: Cover Story -- Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union -- Dream Team -- the actress and NBA champ open up about protecting their family, fighting for what's right and why they're stronger than ever

Page 72: George Floyd's Killer Found Guilty -- We Can Breathe Again -- friends and family of the Minneapolis man killed by police rejoice after a jury's verdict and vow with supporters to keep fighting systemic racism

Page 76: Bethenny Frankel -- what I know now -- the irrepressible former Real Housewives star and businesswoman is newly engaged and back as a boss with a new show

Page 80: A Son Lost to Suicide, A Father's Mission -- we loved him every day, but it wasn't enough -- after the shocking death of his 12-year-old son, Brad Hunstable has a message for parents: talk to your kids about suicide

Page 84: Andrew McCarthy -- I was never suited for fame -- the beloved actor, and author of a new memoir, looks back on his enduring films, surviving his '80s stardom and how his affiliation with the so-called Brat Pack was a mixed blessing

Page 88: Prince William and Duchess Kate Middleton's 10-year anniversary -- remembering the big day -- those who made the wedding a fairy tale share their memories

Page 92: Country Singer Thomas Rhett -- fame, family and finding my way -- the star opens up about overcoming struggled with his wife Lauren in their 8-year-marriage and learning to put their family first

Page 98: Murdered Soldier Vanessa Guillen's Fiance -- every day I pray for justice -- a year after losing the love of his life, Juan Cruz is determined to make sure the Army specialist's legacy is never forgotten and that her tragic death inspires lasting change

Page 102: George W. Bush -- painting with a purpose -- the former president avoided making waves, until his party's nativist prompted him to use his art to celebrate immigrants

Page 106: Pop Star Julia Michaels -- how I learned to love myself -- the singer talks falling in love, managing anxiety and writing hits for Britney Spears and Selena Gomez

Page 116: One Last Thing -- Josh Duhamel

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twdmusicboxmystery · 3 years

Text

Connections Between Nebraska, the CRM , and TWB

Morning Everyone! I wrote this last week and it jumps around a bit, referencing some old TWD episodes, a TWB episode, an a few other things. The biggest thing here is just making connections and showing that the symbolism is the same across all shows in the franchise. That all of them are connected. And that the writers are telling one, huge story, and have been since very early on.

So, while speaking with a follower last week, I ended up making some interesting connections. Nothing groundbreaking. Bit of a rabbit hole, but not too deep. ;D

But someone sent me something yesterday that said on the walking dead wiki page for the CRM, it says they’re based out of Omaha, NE. Now, they definitely talk about the Omaha location in TWB, but I didn’t remember it saying the CRM is actually based there.

So I went and looked at the wiki page. What it says is that it’s part of the Alliance of the Three, and Omaha is one of their locations. The actual base of the CRM is still unknown.

But I started thinking about TWD 2x08, Nebraska, and decided to go back and watch that episode again. It’s honestly been years since I sat down and watched it beginning to end. I did, and I’ll come back to that in a minute.

(CRM Page HERE.)

A/B Theme

But further down on the page, it also defines the A and B symbolism. It says A = a strong leader who is spirited and willing to fight back. And B = someone who either can’t fight back or won’t.

But it also has a note under the A that says 1x04 of TWB confirmed that A also = Bitten. That seemed a little weird to me. I didn’t remember them confirming that for sure in the episode (we would have talked about it a LOT more). And Jadis called Rick a B, which suggests he’s not bitten. So I was like, Hmm. What’s this about?

Well, I went and rewatched 1x04. I really need only have watched the after-the-credits coda, since I’m fairly certain that’s where they’re getting this. (And of course let’s remember that anyone who is a member can update wiki pages; so this isn’t exactly a confirmation from tptb.)

In the coda, as you will remember, the woman is eating a sandwich and talking into a recorder about test subjects. All of them have an A before their numbers. And the camera pans over all of them, clearly showing bite marks. So, I’m thinking that’s where they’re getting that A = bite from. But to me, that’s not exhaustive evidence. I still think Rick was bitten, and I still think we don’t entirely understand the definition.

I COULD get behind there being two definitions going on here. One that they’ll acknowledge in the show as the actual way the CRM uses the numbers, and one that’s more symbolic that tptb will never confirm or deny. I mean, they did this with the A on Daryl’s shirt at the Sanctuary. And then there’s the A Sam had in 6a, and the A painted on FG’s church. Are we supposed to believe they’ll all be directly linked to the CRM in the show?

So, I’m wondering if the strong fighter vs weak fighter is how the CRM actually uses it. But symbolically, that’s where the bitten/not bitten comes in.

And you may ask, even if that’s the case, why would Jadis call Rick a B? I mean, he’s clearly one who will fight back.

But here’s the thing. When she had him prisoner in his blue skivvies in the yellow storage container, she wrote an A on the outside. So clearly, whatever it means to the CRM, she thinks he’s an A. And obviously he wasn’t bitten then. So either B does mean bitten, or else she’s just lying about him being a strong leader and fighter. Why would she do that?

I’m thinking about Grady. They saved Noah but left his father behind. And I’m thinking that given what we know of Noah’s weakness, his father was probably the stronger fighter. You could also argue that they saw Beth as weak and took her, but when they saw Daryl in their review mirror, they sped off. I think they only take vanilla people they believe they can control. So maybe Jadis said it because otherwise they wouldn’t have taken Rick, and she wanted to save his life. And because he was hurt and weak, his rebelliousness really wouldn’t have come across to the guys in the helicopter.

Boy are they in for a rude awakening!

So yeah, basically it confirmed nothing for me, lol. The symbolism is still clear as mud, no?

Nebraska

As for Nebraska, when I watched, I mostly saw more connections to what we’ve learned recently, about the CRM and the Great Britain theme (Revolutionary War) and such.

So, I wanted to specifically listen to what the guy says about Nebraska. I wondered if he could have ties to the CRM at all. I didn’t see any evidence of that, but there was still kind of an interesting hint. He was talking about how they’d met lots of people, who all had stories about where some community might still be functioning. And one of the things he said was that they met someone who was sending supplies via RAILWAY toward Omaha, NE. And that was it. They went on about Nebraska in a few other lines, so we’re clearly supposed to take note of it.

But what we CAN now confirm via TWB is that one of three communities in the Alliance of Three is in Omaha. So, to me, this was definitely a very early, very subtle CRM clue.

(Clearly from the above pic, which is not mine, other people in the fandom are also putting these things together.)

I’ll give you one more small thing and then the part that gets kinda wild. His shark t-shirt. Um…Stafford Sharks, I think? And I know we’ve talked about this before in the sense of it being a water clue. But the Stafford Sharks thing is a real place that’s based out of the UK. Their website even ends in the “.co.uk” suffix. And of course there’s an 11 on the back of the shirt, which we’ve talked about for a long time and, as has recently been pointed out, MIGHT among other things point to S11.

So for me, we have the 11, a hint at the UK (Julia Ormond’s character is British and represents Cornwallis in the Revolutionary War template), and a subtle reference to where the CRM is, all in one person/conversation. And if this guy, at a broad level, represents the threat of the CRM, I think it’s important that Rick kills him. Yeah, Rick’s totally gonna knock the CRM on it’s butt by the end of the series. (Yay!)

But here’s the other thing I thought about. This episode is THE next episode after Sophia comes out of the barn.

Think about that. 1. Missing girl 2. Girl found 3. Hint at CRM

Just saying.

TWB 1x04

As I said, I rewatched the entire episode and probably didn’t need to, but I was actually glad I did. If I had more time, I do rewatches of literally EVERYTHING right now. Unfortunately, that’s probably not going to happen just yet.

I didn’t nail down the TWB template until the final episode of season 1, so rewatching it, I’m just seeing things I didn’t pick up on before.

This was the episode where they went into the high school to get out of the rain, Silas and Iris dance in the auditorium, etc. And mostly I was focusing on the pairings. We picked up the idea of Iris and Silas being Bethyl proxies when we first watched it. That much was clear. But now that I know Felix = Daryl and Huck = Carol, I saw more.

They divide into 3 groups and what really jumped out at me is that in this scenario, Huck and Faith are together. If anything, because she goes into the CRM at the end, Faith = Beth, right? Which we talked about. So I was thinking about what I’ve said that Daryl and Carol will split up and Carol and Beth might have the first reunion, and kind of watching it through that lens. Nothing huge jumped out at him until…

…the wolf.

Remember the wolf that was building a nest and protecting it’s young and dragging walkers through the halls? I don’t even know how to interpret it in a forecasting way, but since TWD ep 21, where we saw Daryl fixing the bike and hear the wolf howl, it really jumped out at me. The idea that the wolf symbolism will return with Beth and be an important part of the story.

Beyond that, I think we MIGHT be able to take some clues about Daryl’s future arc from this little sequence with Felix and Elton, but nothing huge jumped out at me. So, I’ll probably have to go back again later, maybe during or after S11 as we learn more.

So yeah. As I said, very meandering thoughts and connections today.

Thoughts?

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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dascarecrow · 3 years

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Space Jam A New Legacy Wishlist

This here’s a list of properties and characters that I want to see in Space Jam A New Legacy and some explanation as to why or how they can even appear. And I am well aware these would just be cameos. That doesn’t bother me.

RWBY (Warner does in fact own RoosterTeeth and RWBY is just about their most well known original work. Plus Warner seems to have some interest in expanding the RWBY brand, what with a Justice League crossover comic and all)

Mortal Kombat (Owned by Warner and if they’re willing to include the Droogs and freaking Pennywise this franchise has no reason not to appear. Plus it is getting a movie and cross promotion never hurt anyone)

Birdman (There are already Hanna-Barbera super heroes appearing and this one is a personal favorite of mine)

Mightor (Again with the Hanna-Barbera superheroes)

Jonny Quest (Hanna-Barbera and honestly has gotten a bit more of a push in recent years than most of that brand has gotten)

Speed Buggy (They got Jabberjaw so why not)

Freakazoid (The only one of Spielberg’s 90′s cartoons that isn’t up for a reboot. Also it got a crossover episode with Teen Titans Go so it clearly isn’t forgotten)

Beetlejuice (I just like Beetlejuice)

Loonatics Unleashed (I actually enjoyed this show. It wasn’t groundbreaking but it was a pretty fun superhero show that tried to put an original spin on the Looney Tunes. I would just like to see an appearance by them that wasn’t a potshot)

Xiaolin Showdown (This was actually a pretty decent show that seems forgotten nowadays. Would be nice to see something to show it isn’t forgotten.)

Teen Titans (The original cartoon. I just want something for Teen Titans that doesn’t remotely involve Go at this point)

Swat Kats (This is definitely a fan favorite that has gotten jack squat done for it for years. Would be nice if this is where they made a return for a quick moment)

Road Rovers (A personal favorite of mine and also Warner Bros. Would be hilarious if they met the Swat Kats)

Ricochet Rabbit (A personal favorite Hanna-Barbera character of mine)

Venture Bros. (Got screwed over big time with it’s cancellation. An appearance could be a good way of saying “No Hard Feelings”. Also makes the most sense for anything from Adult Swim appearing because they aren’t going to do the HB revamp stuff from Coast to Coast or Attorney at Law for that)

TOM from Toonami (Would just make my day if I’m being honest)

Tom and Jerry (We’ve never actually seen those guys with other Hanna-Barbera characters. Would like to see it happen.)

Lego (I would take anything for this one given how much Warner Bros. has done with Lego media. My personal choice would be Bionicle given that it was hands down Lego’s best franchise but I don’t know if they could legally do that. There were plans for Takanuva in The Lego Movie sequel so it may be impossible.)

Captain Planet (Would just be fun. Especially if he met Don Cheadle’s character face to face)

Big Bird (Just want a Sesame Street character and he’s my choice)

Sam and Dean Winchester (Supernatural got 15 seasons. I think their popularity speaks for itself)

The Banana Splits (This is Hanna-Barbera’s only real stab at live action work. They deserve a spot for that alone)

Godzilla (The Monsterverse is on an upswing after GvK. Plus Kong will appear. Plus it’s Godzilla and we would be there just for him)

Osmosis Jones (If you want a real obscure pick here’s one)

Rick and Morty (The biggest deal on Adult Swim. Need I say more?)

Powerpuff Girls (Due for a live action show. If any Cartoon Cartoons get chosen it would be this one)

Samurai Jack (Still freaking popular with folks. Would drive all of us insane)

Courage the Cowardly Dog (My personal favorite Cartoon Cartoon)

Ed, Edd, n Eddy (Would just be fun)

Johnny Bravo (Very popular Cartoon Cartoon)

Dexter’s Laboratory (Same as above)

Cow and Chicken (Ditto)

I Am Weasel (Michael Dorn would be a good win for the movie)

The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (Just think of the jokes this one could be used for)

Codename Kids Next Door (Really just want to see these characters again)

Gremlins (Due for an HBO Max cartoon so why not)

Adventure Time (Started the Renaissance age for Cartoon Network so it deserves a spot for that)

He-Man (If Thundercats have gotten in than he deserves to too)

Steven Universe (A personal favorite and Warner Bros isn’t done with the property yet)

Regular Show (The chance to see Mordecai and Rigby’s “Whoa” is too good to pass up)

Young Justice (Love this show. Greg Weisman is the genius who gave it to us. And Phantoms is still a ways off)

Mucha Lucha (Pretty off-kilter and could be a visual stand out)

Speed Racer (I am pretty sure that Warner Bros. has the rights licensed out like the deal they have with Godzilla. I just think it would be fun and awesome)

#Space Jam A New Legacy #Just some craziness I had to write down

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spellmanmortuary · 3 years

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To be fair Miner is a typical Halloween costume, Nick dresses like a normal person, don’t know how you can find Caliban’s clothes unless it’s the pac sun looking shirt. At least Part 4 can deliver Jock Nick and Cheerleader Sabrina costumes.

ok this ask made me crack open my computer so it should tell u how much i care abt fashion

but basically !! no one is wearing the miner look. the harvey costumes are the plaid shirt, the jeans and the sneakers with the boy next door hair + the brown leather jacket. so basically the look he’s had throughout the show’s run.

the problem is that nick and caliban don’t have noteworthy style. harvey’s isn’t exactly noteworthy or groundbreaking, but, it’s identifiable and he has a signature look going. like if you prop any dude dressed in the plaid + jeans + jacket combo next to a girl dressed as sabrina, you’ll know it’s harvey.

however: the other guys don’t have this kind of signature style.

take nick. in p1 his style ? mess. he had this schoolboy thing going ? like he was wearing the white button up shirt with the sweater and they had him wear that in the promo material for some strange reason. but then in p2 they found his groove and had him in the dark turtlenecks and all black outfits, which were honestly ?? great. but then for p3 the style said 😌 it was nice to meet u 😌 and they had a weird regression where they started putting him in the ill fitting jeans with boots but occasionally in the white shirts again ?? and like in my opinion his style throughout the 3 parts has been kind of inconsistent to the point where the Nick Scratch Signature Look is just. him shirtless in dark pants. which again, might be great for like character development ( which i’m not sure of either lmao ) but it isn’t great when you’re trying to build a costume.

as for caliban ? missed potential tbh. like i get that they had to have him in the whole hell attire but couldn’t they make it a bit more fashionable ?? like. even beelzebub has that great fun flesh crown and he has those fur coats that he wears with skull belts and stuff. i think that what went wrong with calibans lack of ~iconic style-ness~ is that they put him in this ugly ass vest without a shirt for most of p3. and his style was not cohesive at ALL. like. we had the vest thing and then we got this amazing romantic novel prince moment but then we got this 70′s looking ensemble that looks like it could have been worn by logan lerman in hunters. so tell me, caos wardrobe department, what is caliban’s style ?

in my opinion, it was wasted potential lol. like look at the fashion warlocks wear in ahs: apocalypse !!! i think that the show and even nick’s character could have been a lot more stylish if they had given him the same style he had in the first two parts for the third one, but in colors that went from dark to clear. like i know the show loves the 60s so why did we never get a short sleeved turtleneck moment ? we know gavin would’ve looked really good in one of those. we could have gotten a preppy striped cardigan with a black tshirt underneath. we could have gotten long black coats and blazers in interesting cuts. we could have gotten a tie moment. but no.... ill fitting jeans we know he’s short you don’t have to spell it out for us with those jeans that looked like he took them from harvey but had to fold the legs so they would fit him.

i love ambrose’s style but like it could have been a lot more fun and iconic. if they loved the psychdellic 70s menswear for him they could have leaned into it more and given him corduroy vests with funky print shirts/bellbottoms/funky colored blazers and big collars.

for caliban they could have given him a much more regal signature look, which would have made sense because he wanted the crown so bad it was natural that he would want to look the part. they could have given him a campy ass wardrobe with like. over the top embroidered shirts/some bejeweling/some faux fur and like. an actual hair look bc that just looks like sam combed his hair and showed up to set. some guyliner even.

because look, it doesn’t matter if they dress like regular people because if the character has great style that looks recognizable, people will want to dress up as them, like the euphoria characters, or buffy the vampire slayer, or even sabrina herself. sabrina has a ton of signature, identifiable looks and moments despite the wardrobe departments’ best efforts so people want to dress up as her. she looks cute, she looks fun, it works if you want to make it sexy or spooky or conservative or a combination of the three. you can pick the plaid skirt + turtleneck, the red peacoat, the cheer uniform or if you want to go all out, you can do the whole I AM THE DARK LORD’S SWORD thing. you can wear the red off the shoulder top from the promos or the black queen of hell dress. same goes for the weird sister’s dresses. they’re cute, relatively easy to copy, and they can be as fun and flirty as u wanna make them.

to be honest, to me the problem is that the style in caos is.... a bit messy. it’s confusing because characters look like they all came from different eras and their styles ( except ambrose, who stays pretty on brand with the 70s ) blend together in the most boring, print crazy, muted tones ( which. why??? they’re teenagers why are they always wearing autumnal colors ), sometimes they put the actors in things that are unflattering to their body types like sabrina’s valentine’s day ruched red dress atrocity that shit belongs to in a middle school spring fling dance or nick’s weird carnival canadian tux, and sometimes they mix eras? like with sabrina’s style, which inexplicably jumps from 60s to 70s but nothing she wears looks like what her aunts would have worn at her age so where and how did she even get those ?? were those like... her mom’s ?? if they were, why has the connection never been made ? it could have been great for emotional depth.

but anyway, the characters that we see on halloween or at comic cons are usually the weird sisters ( specifically prudence ), hilda, zelda, lilith, harvey, sabrina, and occasionally ambrose. this is most likely due to the fact that they have the more signature, noteworthy, recognizable clothes. the weird sisters have that one signature look and they ROCK it, hilda and zelda both dress like different kinds of stereotypical witches with identifiable hairstyles and are a fun friends/sisters costume, and lilith had that MOMENT with the demon face. harvey’s style is cute and consistent and pretty much timeless, maybe sometimes 90s inspired-ish. sabrina has an identifiable look with the hairstyle even if that wig is awful.

so yeah, that was my long way of saying that the reason why people aren’t dressing up as nick or caliban even if theyre in a couples costume with a sabrina is because those two have unidentifiable, non cohesive style.

caos could have been a fashion show.... could’ve brought 60′s/70′s inspo in fashion back... but for some reason it didnt rlly do that lol

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fic-for-fic-sake · 4 years

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Does Your Mother Know

A/N: Peter is 18 in this, nothing inappropriate. Age gap. You’re like 25, he’s 18. Also yes I got the inspiration while watching Mamma Mia.

Pairing: Peter x reader

Even though the Avengers now had an upstate facility you were staying at the tower for the time being. You were working on your masters degree in neuroscience at Columbia, so Stark offered an available room in the tower, of which you were grateful. You had cringed at the thought of having to take a car into the city for your classes every other day but Tony hadn’t thought twice about setting you up at the tower, claiming you could keep a watchful eye on everything.

What you didn’t know, what Tony conveniently forgot to tell you was that Peter was also staying in the tower. He started his freshmen year at NYU for Biophysics. It’s not that you had a problem with Peter, not at all. You had known him since he was 15 and Stark recruited his help at the airport in Germany, but Peter had developed a bit of a crush on you. Which more than weirded you out. He was only seven years younger than you but the thought of dating an 18 year old made you balk, it felt wrong.

Most times you could steer clear of Peter, claiming you had research to do (which wasn’t completely untrue) or saying that you were going out with your friends when really you were hiding at your friends apartment, avoiding him. After the tenth visit to your friends apartment she officially banned you for your own good. And she was right. You just had to tell Peter you weren’t interested in him like that, it should be easy.

The next morning you readied yourself to talk to him. Practiced phrases over and over in your head until they sounded right. You wanted to let him down gently, he was still your friend after all. And you wanted to make it perfectly clear that this didn’t have to mean the end of your friendship, you could move past this amicably. All of those thoughts left your mind when you walked into the kitchen to see Peter chugging a glass of water.

Your mouth went dry. He was only wearing a pair of gym shorts slung lowly on his hips, giving your eyes the perfect chance to glimpse the v that was prominent. You also got a very close look at his abs which were, um, impressive to say the least. You maneuvered your way around him to get a coffee mug and start making your brew for the day, your mind now muddled. He refilled his glass once more and then gently pressed his hand against your lower back before moving behind you, “I’m just gonna sneak by you.” His voice husked in your ear.

You’re so hot, teasing me. So you’re blue but I can’t take a chance on a kid like you. It’s somethin’ I couldn’t do.

You coughed to cover up the shock as you filled your mug with coffee. You didn’t bother to say anything, much less risk a glance in his direction, as you added milk and sugar to your drink. You knew what he was playing at, you just shook your head and laughed before turning around to go back to your room, conversation be damned.

But like the dutiful enhanced human he was, he was in front of you in a second, blocking your path with his lithe but toned body. He leaned against the wall casually, like he had done this hundreds of times.

“Don’t I get a ‘good morning’?” Peter asked jokingly, cocking his head to the side. You could see mirth in those chocolate eyes of his and you wanted nothing more than to wipe the expression off of his face. You just rolled your eyes as you walked around him, giving his half naked body a wide berth.

There’s that look, in your eyes. I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild. Oh but boy you’re only a child.

You had been around the block enough times to know what that expression meant on a guy. Hell, you had given that expression yourself once or twice, enough times to know that nothing good, or rational, ever followed. You were saving the both of you an even more awkward conversation than the one you had actually worked out in your mind.

“Good Morning Peter.” You responded in a singsong tone as you walked back to your room, hot coffee in hand. You could hear his resounding chuckle as you closed your door and prepared for the day.

An hour later, as you were preparing to leave for class you got a text from the Iron Man himself.

Stopping by later today for a little get together. Nothing major, just a few friends. Tell Pete

You rolled your eyes as you typed your response. For Tony, “little get together” meant the whole damn team. Here. In your apartment. You made sure to have a cleaning crew come by the tidy up while you were out. You were about to send a text to Peter when you literally ran into him while going to the elevator.

He caught you, hands gently but firmly pressed against your shoulders as he helped you right yourself.

“Woah, where’s the fire?” He questioned, warm brown eyes meeting your own.

“Class, and then back early because apparently we’re having company tonight.” You explained to him as the elevator opened and you both walked inside. Peter was standing closer to you than usual but not close enough for you to comment on it so you let it slide, for now anyway. You had enough to deal with.

That night you had come back to the tower at 6pm sharp. You were thankful that the cleaning crew was gone and left the place looking spotless. You had two hours to go before Tony and whoever else arrived so you took the time to relax and unwind. You played music as you took a shower and tried to pick out something to wear. You weren’t sure what you were in the mood for until you saw the perfect dress.

It was a button down shirt dress that stopped mid thigh. The best part was that it was in royal blue, Peter’s favorite color. Just because you didn’t want to date him didn’t mean you couldn’t have fun. He sure had a hell of a good time teasing you this morning. It was time to give him a taste of his own medicine. You grabbed a deep tan belt to wrap around your waist and didn’t bother to do much with your hair. You painted your lips a deep cherry color before adding small diamond studs to your ears. You looked at the clock and it read 7:55, perfect timing.

You came into the main area where Peter was sitting on the couch wearing a striped button down of his own and dark wash jeans. He stood at attention when you walked into the room and you could feel his eyes roam over your body. You gave him a coy smile and fluttered your lashes before the elevator door opened. Tony spilled out along with the team each carrying an assortment of food and drinks.

Rolling your eyes you made your way over to Tony who was already directing where everyone should place the numerous pizza boxes and different cases of beer, hard cider, spiked seltzer, and other kinds of mixed drinks. Honestly, after the week you had, you were more than grateful for this but you would never let Tony know that.

“I thought you said a ‘little’ get together.” You said, a twinge of a whine in your voice.

Tony smiled as he threw an arm over your shoulder and gestured at the team, “There’s only like what, 12 people here. Relax.” He pressed a kiss into your hair before going off and grabbing a slice of pepperoni from Nat.

You were happy to watch the lovely chaos unfold before you but then Bucky was walking towards you, a hard cider in his hand.

“Ugh you’re the best I love you.” You moaned to your best friend as you opened the can and took a generous swig. Bucky was your best friend on the team and even though you were glad to be living in the city and thus close to campus, you were bummed that it meant you couldn’t see Bucky as much.

“Careful sweetheart, don’t let Pete overhear ya.” Bucky teased, opening a beer for himself. You shook your head at his antics, because he knew how much it was on your mind. You, of course, had told him about it and he, being very unhelpful, told you that you could probably stand to get laid.

“You know what, I take it back, I hate you.” You replied before going into the kitchen closet and pulling out a cooler. Bucky helped you load it up with ice before you took it to where the alcohol was. Bucky made some lame ass excuse about checking in on Steve as Peter headed in your direction. You silently cursed him as he walked away.

“Mind if I take a beer?” Peter asked, gesturing to the brews in the cooler.

“Aren’t you a little young Pete?” You teased, reaching inside to get him one anyway.

“I’m old enough.” He replied brazenly before taking the beer from your hands, letting his fingers brush up against yours.

Well I can dance with ya honey, if you think it’s funny, but does your mother know that you’re out?

Fine, two could play at this game. You, having finished your cider alarmingly fast, reached down for a spiked seltzer this time, fully aware of Peter’s eyes on you the whole time.

“It’s getting a little warm in here don’t you think?” You questioned, as you lifted the cool can and pressed it against the column of your throat, moaning a little bit as you did so. Peter’s Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he watched you slide the aluminum across your skin and the trail of condensation it left behind.

You took that feeling of satisfaction with you all the way to the couch where everyone else was chatting about their latest missions.

“Ugh I wish I could be on missions with you guys, getting a masters is hard.”

“But the work you’re doing is literally groundbreaking. I would argue that it’s more important than what we do on the field.” Steve replied, ready to cheer you up, and you were glad for it.

“I agree, I think you’re doing great work.” Peter said casually, as he sat in the vacant spot next to you, opposite Sam.

“Hey Pete, how’s freshmen year going? Meet any cute girls?” Sam teased and you internally groaned. You wanted to smack Sam. He knew what he was doing.

“The girls at school don’t really interest me,” Peter began, placing a hand on your bare knee and rubbing his thumb back and forth across your skin, “I’m into someone else.”

“Oh yeah.” Bucky teased, eyes narrowing in on Peter’s hand. “What about you doll? You into anyone right now?” Oh you could kill him. You could murder Bucky and you’re pretty sure nobody would stop you.

“Well...there is someone.” You started, at this Peter’s hand stilled, waiting for your reply.

I can chat with ya maybe, flirt a little baby, but does your mother know that you’re out?

“Really?” Peter choked next to you.

“Mhm,” you started, “But I don’t know if I should give him a shot or not?”

“And why’s that?” Bucky asked, knowing damn well what you were doing. You gave a small smile before you answered.

“I need someone...with experience in certain things. And he's younger, so I don’t know if he’s qualified for the job. If you know what I mean.” You responded, letting the implication of your words hang in the air.

Bucky choked on his beer and Peter removed his hand from your leg all together. You smiled. That should buy you some space, or so you thought. Twenty minutes had passed before you got up to use the bathroom. The team hardly noticed, they had picked a movie to watch and everyone seemed pretty glued to the TV. There was only an acknowledgement from Bucky to bring him another beer when you got back.

You checked your phone in the bathroom and gave yourself a once over in the mirror before you planned to head back out. The only problem was that when you opened the door, a very determined looking Peter was standing on the other side of it.

“Can we talk?” He asked, voice soft. You conceded and he walked into the bathroom with you before you closed the door again. You turned around to find him staring at you, brown eyes now a liquid amber shade. You didn’t say a word as he moved towards you until your back was pressed against the bathroom wall. He brought a hand up to rest it over your shoulder, pressed against the wall.

“What are you doing?” You asked, gaze locking with his.

“I think you know.” Was all he said in response, as he leaned in closer to you. You just shook your head as you rested your hands on the planes of his chest and then ran them up to rest on his shoulders.

“What do you want Peter?” You asked again.

“I want you. I want to kiss you.” He admitted. And maybe it was his honesty, maybe it was because you had been teasing each other all day, or maybe it was because you hadn’t had more than one drink in a while, but mostly it was because you wanted to see how far he was willing to take this, so you said, “then do it.”

He pressed his lips to yours in a gentle, if not unsure, kiss. But you were having none of it. You made up your mind and you were done with his teasing. If he wanted to kiss then you were going to give him the kiss of a lifetime. You threaded your fingers through his hair and pressed your body against his own as you deepened the kiss. You felt his arms wrap around your waist and you moaned your appreciation against his lips.

You gently coaxed his mouth open with your tongue and wasted no time in exploring every inch of him, enjoying the throaty moan that followed. You walked him backwards until he got the idea and sat on top of the toilet seat, with you in his lap. Your lips never left his as you undid the buttons on his shirt and started to kiss the newly exposed skin, appreciating the deep lipstick shade that marred his otherwise perfect complexion. You moved off of his lap as your hands found his belt buckle and began to undo it.

“Woah, are you sure?” He asked, his face flushed and hair mused from your hands.

Take it easy, better slow down boy, take it nice and slow. Does your mother know?

You cocked your head to one side and rested your hands on his upper thighs before you spoke.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? I can’t think of another reason why you keep teasing me.” You whispered in a husky voice, looking at him through your lashes. The picture of submission. Before he got to answer there was a knock at the bathroom door.

“Doll are you still in there? I wanted to make sure you weren’t dead.” Bucky called from the other side and you had to fight the giggle that made its way up your throat. Of course Bucky knew what was happening here. You pressed a finger to your lips for Peter to be quiet before you answered.

“I’m in the middle of something, I’ll be out in a minute.” You called back. You heard Bucky say something under his breath before you heard his footsteps recede back into the main room. Suddenly you got up from your knees and went in the mirror to wipe off your lipstick and fix your hair.

“Well, this was fun. Let’s do it again sometime.” You mused to a confused Peter who had a mixture of a shocked and frustrated look on his face.

“Wait, where are you going?” He asked as you unlocked the bathroom door and made for the hallway.

“To watch the movie with the team.” You said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “See ya out there.” You gave him a wink before you walked back into the main room and sat down next to Bucky who gave you a knowing smile. Peter came out five minutes later and took a spot on the floor next to Tony who asked him where the hell he’d been. Pete looked like a goldfish as his mouth opened and closed repeatedly, looking for something to say, before he came up with an excuse and Tony went back to watching the movie.

You were curled into Bucky’s side with his arm wrapped around you when you felt Peter’s eyes on you again, giving you a questioning look. You only gave him a smirk and a wink in return before turning your attention back to the movie.

Does your mother know, does your mother know that you’re out?

#peter parker x reader #peter x reader #mcu fanfic #avengers fanfic #song fanfic #peter parker x you

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fablesrose · 4 years

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Of Kings and Shadows XXI

Description: Y/n, a girl who seems to have found her calling. Being a SHIELD agent is like a dream come true. With a friendship starting to form with the Avengers, she’s the Queen of the world! What could go wrong?

Pairings: Avengers x reader, Loki x reader (eventually)

Warnings: Feels (hopefully this gives you feels😅)

Notes: Hey, guys sorry for skipping last week. Werds was hurd, so I decided to post this a day early. Enjoy!

On Wattpad –> Here

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clint sat alone in the observatory area looking over the training area. The twins were doing their training exercises on their respective sides of the room. He was lost in his thoughts. Ones he desperately wanted a map for.

"Well look who it is." Natasha walked into the room from the door behind Clint.

Clint didn't acknowledge her presence; he just sat in silence, staring at the young pair below him minding their own business.

"Miss, Mr. Barton currently does not have his hearing aids in. He cannot hear you."

As Friday was talking a light blinked in Clint's line of vision. He perked up and looked over his shoulder to see Natasha walking around the chairs to sit by him. His eyes flicked from her mouth to her hands, waiting for her to talk.

[You're having a bad day] Natasha signed at him once she sat down and twisted to face him.

[I guess you could say that] Clint paused, not sure what else to say, but eventually continued on describing the thoughts and feelings swirling in his mind. He first jerked his head to the side towards the window facing the training area, [Doesn't that look familiar? A young agent in the training room, training with hardly any attention put on the world around her? All she wanted to do was succeed, Nat] Clint's head and eyes hung heavy with sorrow and regret.

Natasha, as quick on her toes and tongue as she was, had to think about what to say to him.

She didn't get to answer before Clint began to shake his head with an obviously forced smile and airy chuckle, [How long has it been? 5 years?]

[6 years 1 month 11 days] Natasha quickly signed to correct him.

There was a pause, Clint blinking at her, before he signed back, [You're having a bad day too.]

Natasha bit her lip, feeling a bit foolish. [I think everyone is having a bad day.]

Natasha would be right, as always. Throughout the compound, the team was dealing, somewhat poorly in some cases with the various feelings of loss. There were only two people who were blissfully unaware of the emotional turmoil rolling around the building and they were in the training room.

Luckily, most of them weren't alone. Even if they wanted to be.

It's both amazing and sometimes scary how in sync the Avengers are with each other. I'm not even sure who or what triggered it, but nearly the whole compound was feeling the absence of a particular young woman.

They could all be found in separate spaces, some started off alone, but didn't stay that way. Clint in the observational area with Natasha coming to join.

Tony was working in his workshop on some new groundbreaking invention when Rhodey knew he didn't want to be alone. Eventually, they flipped through some pictures. Rhodey didn't get to know her since he was so busy in the military at the time, but he knew how much she meant to Tony. To everyone.

Steve could be found in his room next to a desk. He's been picking up drawing again these days. He was particularly broody which caused Bucky's Steve sense to tingle. Bucky was sitting on the bed, watching Steve doodle, as Sam tried to push him off so he could sit down. Their bickering left Steve with a grateful chuckle. Bucky and Sam never got to meet her, but the way the team talked about her made them smile.

Many would have thought Bruce would be working himself to sleep in his lab, but even doctors need some fresh air. He was outside lying in the grassy field. He liked to watch the consistent repetition of Thor and Vision passing each other Mjolnir. Repetition was good for their minds. It was mechanical and didn't need much, if any, thinking. They seemed to forget sometimes that Vision remembers Y/n. He is so much different than Jarvis, after all.

And that accounts for everybody... except for one.

I don't wish you to think bad of him. Or to pity him either.

Instead, I want you to be proud. Loki has bonded with the team enough to be in sync with them. The team trusted him enough to leave him alone and knew when he needed to be.

He tended to wander around his room. His pride was large, but even he had to break down a little. Eventually, he couldn't take it any longer, so he opened a drawer and pulled out a little box stuck in the back corner. He rarely looked at it anymore, but he could never become even close to getting rid of it.

Lifting the lid, the shiny surface of an old smartphone looked back at him. He wiped the dust off with his pants and sat at the head of his bed. Before he turned it on he examined the corners and edges of the case. The color was worn, fading to the white plastic underneath.

He flipped it over a couple more times before turning it on and unlocking it. Y/n was smiling up at him, surrounded by the goofy faces of the Avengers. Loki was not included in the picture. He couldn't remember why anymore. Knowing himself, he probably rolled his eyes at the time.

He smiled a bit bitterly before opening the music app. He put it on shuffle and let the soft notes of the opening chords play out through the speakers. Listening to her music left him feeling like he was getting to know her better even though she wasn't there.

I thought I knew you well But all this time I could never tell I let you get away Haunts me every night and every day

He opened her gallery and started to scroll through the pictures. A lot of them were pictures of the team having fun. Even more pictures were of seemingly random objects, but no one could deny they looked cool or pretty. Loki smiled when he would get to a picture that had both of them in it together.

You were the only one The only friend that I counted on How could I watch you walk away I'd give anything to have you here today

He missed her. There weren't very many times they were together alone, but he finally thought that he was building friendships when Y/n disappeared, and hers was one he really wanted to cherish. He thought he was making things right. He wished she hadn't been taken or left, or whatever happened to her. Whatever the reason, Y/n was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it.

But now I stand alone with my pride And dream that you're still by my side

But that was yesterday I had the world in my hands But it's not the end of my world Just a slight change of plans

He sighed when he scrolled through all the pictures. He had his nostalgia. He knew there was nothing to be done. He has to move on, he has moved on, but a day of remembrance to keep everyone sober is appropriate. Maybe even necessary.

He quickly looked at the battery to see it was running a bit low. He pulled out a charger he got from Tony and plugged in the phone, shutting it off in the process. Loki made it so the phone could charge while still in the box and closed the lid. He placed the box gently back in its place in the drawer. He closed it softly with a sigh.

That was yesterday But today life goes on No more hiding in yesterday 'Cause yesterday's gone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arguably, the worst part of this whole ordeal was the deafening silence that I experienced. The natural noises of civilization, of people, of, anything living, in particular, was absent. I couldn't even hear the rumble of a machine, the beep of the camera (yes, there is still one in my room. Don't ask me, they're creeps), or the settling of the building.

The way I tried to overcome it was to use my vast knowledge of music to sing to myself. Some people have said that music was the only thing I used my head for, but I didn't really mind. Look what it's doing for me now, it's keeping me sane.

Music and just burying myself in the memories. I had to block out reality somehow, and my imagination was severely tainted with my inner turmoil, so I settled on the Avengers to bring a smile to my imaginary face. Ya know since I can't use my own.

Love, my love I gave it all Thought I saw the light When I heard you call Life that we both could share Has deserted me Left me in despair

Sometimes they made me sad. I took what I had for granted, now I have no idea if I'm even going to see them again, let alone get to talk to them, laugh with them, cry, smile, do anything. Sometimes I wish I would never see them again. It's obvious that I'm not going to break free of whatever mad science/voodoo they put on me. I really don't want to face them.

But now I stand alone with my pride Fighting back the tears I never let myself cry

I vaguely heard an alarm going off, it was different than any other alarm I'd heard. I knew it wasn't a fire alarm, I had heard that one plenty of times. I didn't pay much mind to it, there wasn't anything I could do anyway. The equivalent feeling of my heart clenching came to mind when I knew my daydreams wouldn't continue. It's been a rough... Forever.

But that was yesterday Love was torn from my hands But it's not the end of my world Just a little hard to understand

I told myself I was going to make it. I don't know for how much longer, but I was going to make it. I started to pay more attention to the groups of running soldiers, armed with weapons I had only caught glimpses of. Noxy suited up into her protective white jumpsuit. The sleeves only went to her elbows to show off her powered up black-gloved hands. I couldn't deny that I liked the combat boot style they gave me, but I didn't understand Henry's obsession with the color white.

It's been talked about how some of Henry's bases have been put under attack. Most were of rival organizations. You'd be surprised how many there are. From the looks of it whoever is attacking, out of all the bases available, had the luck to choose the one I was kept in.

Noxy walked the power walk of all power walks approaching the sounds of gunfire. The lights flickered and dimmed as she past. I felt the power within me surge as they did, the shadows powering me up. There was a group of agents just down the hall and they were under fire. Agents rushed by me as reinforcements. I couldn't see who the attackers were yet, but I could see debris flying from around the corner of the T in the hallway.

The agents had a strange mixture of fear and respect as Noxy approached. Another day at the office. They were dropping like flies and I could hear that the intruders were breaking down the defenses very quickly. The few agents who could, moved out of Noxy's way so she could stand in the middle of them and face the attackers.

That was yesterday But today life goes on You won't find me in yesterday's world Now yesterday's gone

She reached the center of the group and turned a perfect ninety degrees in the open hallway. Time seemed to slow down for a moment as I saw who was on the other side of the flashing lights that promised pain. I was only prepared for the physical pain of gunshots, but instead, I got the agony of heartbreak.

There was a moment where Noxy stood and assessed the situation. At that moment, so many things flashed across my mind as I soaked up what was in front of me. Familiar faces looked back at me and I had never felt more trapped. They froze when they looked at my face. All hands started to lower for a second, but only one.

The Avengers all had mirrored expression of horror, shock, disbelief. I wanted to cry, laugh, collapse. I wanted to do anything. Anything other than what my body showed. Noxy's gaze remained stoic as she maintained eye contact.

I don't know if it was something in the shots they gave me, or how wide they were stretching their eyes, but I could see the whites of them, even if they were at least 20 yards away. I tried to memorize the shades of blue and green looking back at me. I only wish I could have seen Tony's eyes, but he had his helmet on, the only reason I could tell he recognized me was the repulsors in his hands dimmed.

The moment came to an end all too quickly. Without batting an eye Noxy formed a plate of darkness and sent it to push the attackers back. She then hit specific points in the walls causing the ceiling to collapse. The way was blocked off completely.

Just like the physical walls of the building, it felt like the walls that were holding me away from control started to contract. For the first time in months I screamed; I cried out for any type of deliverance. I wanted to curl up into the fetal position with tears rolling down my face as I yelled until I was too tired to stay awake any longer.

I felt numb as Noxy walked away and the agents rushed around her to start the evacuation process.

For the years, I'm sure it's been years now, I've been stuck in this place I've relied on the happy memories to try and drown out the horrors I've seen. I didn't know for sure, but I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be like that anymore.

Goodbye yesterday Now it's over and done Still I hope somewhere deep in your heart Yesterday will live on

I just hoped I would be able to see anything other than betrayal painted on their faces.

Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrqPZFNrqCA

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daughterofluthien · 4 years

Note

I would like... ur thoughts... on tcw. u know which one.

aljasdjlksfd sorry for taking like, 5000 years to get to this, friend :P

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: I mean, there’s no many people that I like, but man. it’s gotta be Obi-Wan

Least Favorite character: Look, they tried their best, but tcw did not manage to redeem Jar Jar for me

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Obi-Wan/Satine, Ahsoka/Trace, Obi-Wan/Ventress... Do I even ship anyone else? Cut/Suu Lawquane

Character I find most attractive: I mean. Could it be anyone but our favorite sad, tired jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Character I would marry: so there are def a ton of barriers to this, including canon death and the whole being-a-member-of-a-religious-organization-that-doesn’t-do-the-marriage-thing, but if I could pick anyone it would be Kit Fisto

Character I would be best friends with: look, I wanna say Ahsoka, but I think pre-terrorist Barriss might be more accurate?

a random thought: this isn’t exactly a groundbreaking thought or anything, but I’m so proud of my girl Ahsoka for going from one of the fandom’s most hated characters to one of the most loved

An unpopular opinion: I am... conflicted about Satine’s death. On one hand, I appreciate the High Key Tragedy of it all, and that one shot with Obi holding her body is practically Shakespearian and I have feelings, but on the other hand she’s literally killed mainly to cause Obi-Wan emotional pain, which is literally the definition of a fridging. BUT on the other other hand, that’s the literal in-story motivation of the character who does the killing as will, and not just the meta of the narrative, so like. Does that make it better?? I am very unclear on this point.

My Canon OTP: Obi-Wan/Satine

My Non-canon OTP: I ... don’t think I have one? At least not one that I would label an OTP

Most Badass Character: Okay, so I vacillated between Obi-Wan and Anakin here, but I gotta say that Obi just has more style, so the scales are gonna tip in his direction. Panache counts for a lot in my book

Most Epic Villain: I just love Maul man. He’s got that nemesis thing going on with Obi Wan, he’s somehow both deranged and the most philosphical dark sider in any star wars media. Oh, and he’s got that panache thing thing that I was talking about before. He’s just delightfully extra. Also Sam Witwer’s voice acting is incredible.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Mmm Ahsoka/Lux does not spark joy

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I mean... see my entry under unpopular opinion. :P (Although I do fully recognize that there was probably nowhere else they could go with her character. But still)

Favourite Friendship: As of the finale, Rex and Ahsoka

Character I most identify with: So this is probably a cop-out answer, but I feel like the answer is some weird, unholy combo of Obi-Wan, Barriss, and like... Shaak Ti? Maybe?

Character I wish I could be: Ahsoka, definitely. She’s badass, she makes her own decisions, and above all she’s good. Plus she grows up to be Star Wars Gandalf, so for that reason alone she’s definitely role model material. Ooh, also Plo Koon. He’s just great.

Ask me fandom questions!

#thank youuuu #momentofmemory #ask meme #star wars: the clone wars #star wars

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theawkwardterrier · 5 years

Text

things left behind and the things that are ahead

Summary: Steve goes back. Some things are the same. Some are different.

AO3 link here.

The problem with deciding not to come back from returning the stones is that he has no one to consult about what exactly that means. Bucky, the only one who knows, the only one who guessed, has no expertise in quantum physics or advice about what exactly he’ll be doing to the timeline.

“You’re taking all the stupid with you,” he’d said, and part of what he meant was this: going off half-cocked as always, Rogers. Seat of your goddamn pants. He isn’t wrong about that part. For a strategist, Steve spends a lot of his time winging it.

(He tries not to miss Sam. He misses Sam.)

Even once he’s taken the leap, used the Pym particles to land himself so far back that he’ll only make it to the twenty-first century again by living through until then, he doesn’t precisely know what to do about it all. He spends a week alone, and then another. He does odd jobs to make money for food and a room to sleep in. He’s forgotten how different something like finding work had been, in the days before resumes and networking and the necessary google of someone’s name and background. People look at his eyes and assume he’s a vet, they look at his arms and assume that he can lift and carry things; they’re right on both counts, and that’s enough.

He already took the chance, just coming back here, but he worries about what he might do to Peggy’s future - her amazing, groundbreaking future - if he tries to slip back into her life. But he is also so tired, so encompassingly tired. He has helped to hold the world up for what feels a lifetime: Atlas with arms exhausted and shaking. He imagines how sweet it will feel to rest with her beside him. He knows he has to try.

(He must have known it all along. He brought himself to Washington D.C. in 1949. Peggy’s lived here for just over two years.)

He knows her address. He can remember the exact pattern of the heart monitor, the precise places where she laughed as she told him about the K Street apartment that had first been rented for her.

“Ghastly place,” she had said, smiling even as she did. “Everything dark wood, with barely a window for a bit of sunlight. And practically on top of scandal: I couldn’t go out my front door without thinking of Teapot Dome! So I had the housing stipend rerouted to a lovely little place on 11th Street and things worked out rather nicely. I didn’t feel quite so miserable about coming home, and there was a grocery and a café right across the street.”

He waits for her in the café, tucked in the back. Peggy comes in promptly at seven in the morning. She speaks to the woman behind the counter, a young black woman with a wide, sweet smile, and carries a cup of tea over while her breakfast is being prepared in the kitchen. She sits down at one of the tables entirely automatically, picking up a newspaper and not even looking as she slides into the booth seat facing toward the door. Her regular spot, then.

(Nat always said he made a terrible spy, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be observant.)

He means to come sit on the seat opposite from her. He pictures it minutely, down to the way the vinyl will rub and give as he slides across, but he finds that he cannot picture how she will look at him, what she will say. In the moment, he freezes. He ends up looming awkwardly over her for long enough that she looks up at him, a polite smile on her face as if she expects to be handed a plate of bacon and eggs, or perhaps to need to turn down a request for a date.

But then she takes in what she’s seeing.

She breathes in a sob. Her teacup is already sitting on the tabletop, but she sets down her folded paper as carefully as if it were made of porcelain too.

“Steve?” He feels the echo of the fragile word through decades. He thought he knew, when he saw her for the first time barely able to lift her head from her hospital bed, when he found the photograph that she kept so boldly on her SHIELD desk twenty-five years after he'd been gone, that they would be like this in any time. Apparently he didn’t truly know until he hears it. He is shaking.

She stands abruptly, pushing herself out of the booth and catching his hands in hers. She is so very close to him.

“Am I going to have to murder Howard for keeping secrets?” she asks quietly. He shakes his head. She traces over the skin of his forehead, no longer as smooth as it had been. She runs fingers through the front curve of his hair, strange to her, with such perfect delicacy that he almost flinches away.

“No,” she agrees quietly, and takes her handbag from the table. “Come with me. I have to set a terrible example for my employees.”

Later, after Peggy calls in pretending to be sick to a Howard simultaneously suspicious (when was the last time Peggy was ill?) and totally heedless, probably already thinking of what kinds of explosions he’s going to be taking on today, she makes them fresh tea. He can tell that it’s just a distraction. The kettle is whistling for nearly a minute before she breaks their gaze and goes to pour the water.

When they are across from each other at her small kitchen table, she says, “Tell me,” and he does, a bit.

When he has finished his brief sketch of things, she takes a sip of tea. “So, the future,” she says, her voice musing rather than judging.

“You seem to be taking this pretty well,” he tells her.

“Yes, well, I’m not entirely sure that this is real, you see,” she explains.

He looks out her nice little window for a moment; when he leaves, he’ll have no memory of the kind of view she has. “If I’d showed up and said that I’d been dug out of the ice and came to find you, would you have believed it more?”

“Perhaps,” she admits. She looks into his eyes, though, and adds quietly, “But perhaps not.”

“I understand. Even where I’ve been, time travel is a pretty new development.” He pushes back from the table, carefully so as not to rattle Peggy’s pretty blue-edged china. He looks down at her, and she looks back, a bit of tilting evaluation in her eyes. “The Dodgers are going to lose the Series to the Yankees, four games to one. It’ll all be over Sunday night. The score of the last game will be ten to six.”

She swallows. “Then I suppose I shall see you Monday morning?” Her hands, with their neatly manicured nails, rest solidly on the table in front of her. Her knuckles are pressed tightly together.

“I’ll see you on Monday,” he says, nodding slightly to her, and sees himself out.

She is already waiting when he enters the café on Monday morning. The only clue to how she’s feeling is the way her head pops quickly up whenever the door swings open.

“I’m sorry about your Dodgers,” she says as he sits down across from her.

He shakes his head. “The Yanks will do even worse to the Phillies next year,” he says, and she covers her mouth with a trembling hand.

When she speaks again, it is aching. “Let’s go home,” she says.

“Don’t you have work?”

“I planned ahead this time. As far as anyone knows, I’m scheduled to be out of the office in meetings all day.” She examines him again. He understands the urge; he thinks at this point he could describe where each of her curls lies against her shoulders, and if he couldn’t, he’ll just need to take her in a while longer.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Of course I am.” Humor, just the most hidden hint of tears. “It seems that you’re still a bit hopeless, I see, even after all this time.”

(Tony would have said the same thing. Tony.)

“Probably.” He gets to his feet, offers her his hand. She takes it, lightly, more formality than anything else, and stands beside him. “I’ll work on it.”

“I’m sure you will.” She leads him out again, toward her apartment. “And I’ll certainly be happy to assist.”

They settle into something. It’s so easy that Steve catches his breath from it sometimes, exultation with a bold edge of fear. She goes to work, and he stays in their neighborhood. He does the shopping at the corner market and learns, after a fashion and several borrowed library books, how to cook. He does the laundry, and learns the hard way which of Peggy's suits need special care. He walks around getting to know the area.

He overhears two of Peggy’s neighbors whispering about him as he helps a little boy fix his bike chain on the street corner.

“I always thought she must have a man somewhere,” one says to the other.

“Well, he’s lucky she took him back. She’s been here two years, nice, polite girl with a good job and that wonderful smile, and he turns up now? Where has he been?”

“I’m not much sure it matters, looking at him.”

Steve tucks his head and grins.

He stops by the newsstand for a paper enough times that the owner, an older guy named Al, eventually asks if he’d like to do a bit of work. Steve knows it’s mostly pity, but he’s restless. He takes Al up on it, working pasted together hours so Al can take breaks during the day and get home a bit earlier in the evenings. He hangs around and chats other times. They talk baseball (Al’s a Chicago transplant, a heart and soul Cubs fan) and world events and dabble a bit into politics (Steve has to read the papers closely to try to keep his stories straight). Al had a son who never came home from Guadalcanal, and maybe that’s why, when he sees Steve sketching between customers, he asks him to fix up the sign above the stand, just a little refresh on the paint and maybe a nice little drawing.

Steve guesses that he does a good enough job, because the owner of the cafe and the drugstore ask for him to come over to their places, to do bigger murals inside. He starts to get asked to do all sorts of things, from house painting to pretty watercolor cards. He’s still home in time to make supper and talk to Peggy every evening.

He knows, now, that Peggy has a thick quilted dressing gown that looks like something a grandmother would wear, and doesn’t make him feel like a grandmother’s wearing it at all. He knows how she takes her tea and that she likes a square or two of chocolate at the end of the day. He knows how it feels for her to rest her feet in his lap as they read on lazy Saturday afternoons, and what it’s like to walk arm in arm back home talking about the film they’ve seen on a Sunday. He knows the giddiness of automatically calling her “sweetheart” as he asks her to pass the salt. He knows what she looks like when she first gets up, and the careful, precise order in which she applies her makeup and styles her hair. He knows what it’s like to kiss her on waking and as she leaves for work, as she arrives back home and before they go to bed. He knows what it is to fall asleep beside her, smiling.

He wakes himself up, shuddering, at least three times a week. Sometimes he is gasping. Sometimes he is crying. Most times he wakes Peggy too.

Early one Saturday morning, she switches on the light as he tries to calm himself. She rubs his arm for a moment before standing from the bed and putting on her dressing gown. He can hear the sound of her preparing tea in the kitchen, but when she doesn’t come back, he follows her.

“Sit,” she tells him, gesturing to the chair across from her at the table, and when he does, “Drink,” her voice firm and compassionate. He listens to her, taking a sip and then staring into the depths of his cup. She’s put in just the right amount of sugar.

After a moment, she says, “I haven’t asked you very much about where you’ve come from, but I think we both know how untenable that is. You need to talk. I’d like to hear it.”

He takes another sip, then a third. Finally, he hoarsely, “I don’t know if I can tell you. I’ve already changed your life just by coming here. I don’t know how much I can do without ruining things.”

“Steve.” She leans across the table, touches his arm, his face. Her disheveled hair falls forward a little, framing the warmth of her eyes. “You are the best man I have ever known, and perhaps the strongest. And I don’t think you need to go through this alone. Let me help you.”

He almost laughs. How many times did he say something like that to people grieving a disaster that won’t happen for decades? How many times did he ignore his own advice? He thinks, again, of Sam. “Some stuff you leave there, other stuff you bring back. It's our job to figure out how to carry it.”

He thinks that Sam also meant that sometimes you find someone to carry it with you.

They don’t get out of their pajamas until well into the afternoon. Once Steve starts talking, he finds that he can’t stop. He tells her about Hydra (“Get up with bloody fleas, I told them”) and about Bucky. He tells her about Korea and McCarthy and Vietnam and the civil rights movement, about Betty Friedan and President Kennedy and President Nixon, about AIDS and global warming. He was in the twenty-first century for over a decade. He reads fast and doesn’t sleep much, and his memory is excellent.

He tells her about the snap. He tells her about his friends.

Finally, with darkness outside their windows, he says to her, “I keep thinking about Maya Lin. She’ll be an architect and a designer. She becomes famous for making the memorial for the war in Vietnam. I know it’s right to do what we can to avoid that war, to minimize that damage. Making that choice could be wrong for Maya Lin. It will change her life. How do we know which strings we can pull without letting everything fall apart?”

Peggy looks down at the notes she has started taking. She flips over one page, then another. “Well, we shall think and strategize and try our best to do the best for the most people.” She taps a finger on one paragraph. “I think that this is one string we should start tying up as quickly as we can.”

"If I see a situation pointed south, I can't ignore it," he told Tony once, and that was true. It still is. It's just harder when south isn't a clear direction on the compass, when trying to fix things could only make things worse. This is why Steve could tell her, why he had to. Because he believes in her mind, in her ruthlessness and her clearheadedness, but in her goodness too. He doesn't think he could have done any of this alone.

(He must have known he would do this all along. He brought himself to Washington D.C. in 1949. Zola was brought here just over two months ago.)

They tell Howard. Partly because they need him, to provide documentation for Steve, for resources, for cover. Partly because Peggy says that he’s a friend and he’s trustworthy, and Steve trusts Peggy. For his own part, though, Steve needs to work to remember how much hasn’t happened with Howard. He hasn’t become who he’ll become yet.

Steve sleeps better knowing that they’re doing something. He doesn’t sleep well until they have Bucky back.

“Any idea what he’ll be like after rise and shine?” asks Howard, checking once again the pulse of the man lying unconscious on one of his many guest beds. To everyone else, Bucky’s hair is long, unkempt. For Steve, it’s shorter than he’s used to now. The arm, high tech for this time, looks especially ugly and primitive.

Steve thinks back to all the information they gained after the fall of the Triskelion. Nazi records have always been blessed and cursed. “He hasn’t been under for too long. It won’t be pretty at first, but we’ll be able to get him back.”

In bed that night, Peggy holds his hand beneath the blanket and whispers, “Hopefully we’ll get him back back without you trying to sacrifice yourself,” and he doesn’t know whether she’s talking about Azzano or the helicarrier, and he likes that she has the option for either.

They count on the minimization of Hydra’s influence to help stabilize things, and they’ll prove to be right. Peggy also cultivates herself a reputation for sound, nearly prescient, advice to other agencies. It will help them influence things they need to in the future, but it’s already believable, based on a solid foundation. No one suspects the man who’s occasionally seen on her arm at functions or visiting her office - bearded, older, bearing only a passing resemblance to the lost Captain America - of having anything to do with it. He barely talks shop with the guys, usually ends up recommending recipes to the wives.

“I do prefer you in an apron and pearls,” Peggy says as Steve rubs her feet after one such night out, her heels discarded beneath the kitchen table.

“It’s the natural order of things,” Steve tells her solemnly.

“Too right, pal,” Bucky calls from the bathroom. (He heard from Al at the newsstand that they were having trouble with their sink and came over to help rather than let Steve take care of it. “Flood the whole place, more like.”)

Neither of them quite knows who proposed to whom. Steve claims he did it, Peggy attests with equal vehemence that she took the initiative. Neither of them much cares when it comes down to it.

They invite the Commandos to the wedding. Or, rather, Peggy invites them, and then when they all show up with faltering, incomplete smiles, Steve comes over to say hello.

“If it was anyone else but the two of you, I don’t know that I could believe it,” Monty says, dazed.

Dugan wants horse racing tips. Morita wants to know if he ever makes it with Ava Gardner. “Already tried asking that one, pal,” says Howard sourly.

“Sometimes you just have to live it,” says Steve, and goes to take another turn on the floor with his wife.

They move to Jersey in ‘52. Steve’s afraid that Bucky’s going to have an aneurysm over the betrayal, but the commute’s easier on Peggy now that SHIELD’s working out of Camp Lehigh most of the time.

(Buck ends up living in Brooklyn near his folks and goes back to school to get his engineering degree. Howard says he doesn’t care, he knew how much schooling Bucky had when he offered him the job, but Bucky wants to earn it, and he likes to learn.)

Somehow, it takes three days to pack up the apartment in DC and three weeks to unpack in their cozy little house in New Jersey. Peggy’s pulling late nights all the time as she gets things put together, but she refuses to let Steve do much during the day: they both have extremely strong opinions about every little thing, and she wants to be there to decide which cupboard the glasses will go in, or how far the sofa will be placed from the window and how far the armchair from the sofa.

They finally get things sorted one Saturday when it’s nearly autumn. They leave the door open to let in the air, still warm with just the beginnings of a chill. Peggy stands with her hands on her hips in the middle of their living room. Steve watches from the doorway, loving the way the light filters over her hair, loving the way he already knows exactly how it will.

He steps into the room with her, selects a record and sets the needle carefully. He holds out a hand to her.

They’re practiced at this now. They’ve been to the Stork Club and danced at their wedding and done a thousand other things in between. Peggy jokes that Steve only breaks her foot once a month now, twice if she’s very lucky. But there’s no showing off today. He holds her in his arms and they sway, turning in slow circles, the music washing over them as they stand in their new home.

“The war's over, Steve. We can go home. Imagine it,” she had once said to him in a vision that had taken his breath, a vision that might never exist.

He doesn’t have to imagine it anymore.

#Endgame #Endgame spoilers #Steve Rogers #Peggy Carter #Steggy #Steggy fic #things left behind fic #If Markus/McFeely and the Russos can have entirely different understandings of their whack time travel notions #I can do whatever the hell I want with it #(To be clear I'm siding with the Russos and their delightfully chaotic multiverse/alternate timeline.)#There might be another chapter to this but my relationship to fic these days is so extremely fraught that it's all entirely ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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mojofun · 4 years

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Good morning people 😊

I was watching Hellboy a few days ago and I was suddenly by this groundbreaking realisation: Bucky and Red are very similar (though the cigar, attitude and some other characteristics may be more in tune with Tony’s, but humour me)

So, naturally, my mind started galloping way too fast... And this was the result.

I’m finally on vacay🤞 so I’m going to start writing some stories, and reading too 😊

Have you watched Hellboy? If you haven't this will be a little confusing, but it still makes sense! I love that movie, what do you think?

The OC featured is a character I created called Rebecca Longford (actually that’s not her real name, but that’s another story I’ve been working on for a while. It’s a little long though so tell me if you’d like to read it)

Anyway, here is the story. I hope you enjoy 😊

Warnings: there may be a few mentions of smut but nothing actually happens

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How I love to do this (Bucky Barnes x OC)

That morning, in the Tower, all the Avengers awoke rather early, because of a glorious smell that wafted through the air: cinnamon, honey, peanut butter, chocolate, tea, coffee, sugar, bacon, maple syrup, orange juice...

When the team reached the kitchen, they found Rebecca, the newest addition, smiling at them, dolloping a stack of pancakes with golden brown liquid

<<Hi folks. Good morning. I made you breakfast>>

Everyone stared at her with a gaping mouth

<<Bec, this is a feast>> Sam exhaled.

She giggled

<<Let's break the fast with the feast, shall we?>>

Thor picked her up and spun her around

<<You do know the way to a man's heart, Rebecca>>

She laughed and patted his back, signalling for him to put her down

<<The only thing I'm interested in right now is food making its way to my stomach. Thanks though, Thor>>

Thus speaking, they sat around the table, followed by the other members of the team.

None of them noticed the glare in Bucky's eyes as he looked at them.

Except for Steve.

The blond looked at his friend with concern

<<Buck?>>

<<Yeah?>>

<<Why are you upset?>>

The brown-haired man furrowed

<<I'm not>>

<<Yes you are. Why?>>

Bucky looked away

<>

Steve huffed and turned around, slightly annoyed, while Bucky looked in the direction of where Rebecca was sitting, next to Thor.

In the meantime, Rebecca was eating a doughnut. Tony saw it and reached for the box to get one for himself, but he was sorely disappointed when he found it empty

<<What the hell? Longford?>>

The new girl cocked an eyebrow, looking at him

<<What do you want?>>

<<Did you eat all the donuts?>>

<<Nope; that would be Thor>>

In fact, just beside her, the blond giant was munching happily on a blueberry-glazed treat.

Tony sighed and slumped in his chair, his eyes fixed on Rebecca's donut

<<Oh, alright. Can I have a bite?>>

She smirked

<<Come here>>

That was unexpected for the genius, who happily stood up and approached her, even if a bit suspicious. When he was near enough, she tried to bite him.

He instantly shuffled away

<<What the hell?>>

<<You wanted a bite>>

He narrowed his eyes at her while all the others, even Steve, laughed

<<I'm tired of your antics, Longford>>

<<It's called karma, Stark>> Clint commented <<You do the exact same thing to us>>

In the meantime, Bucky was still staring at Rebecca, and his friend noticed it.

Suddenly, Steve turned back toward him, smirking

<<You like her!>> He whisper-yelled, so only Bucky heard him.

Said man just stared at his best friend with wide eyes

<<No I don't>>

<<Yes you do>>

<<No, I don't>>

<<Yes, you do>>

<<Do not!>>

<<Do too>>

Bucky sighed

<<What makes you say that?>>

The blond grinned

<<You've been clenching your fists a lot, and you keep looking at her. She caught your interest, didn't she?>>

Bucky face-palmed

<<You know me well, punk. Maybe too well>>

Steve cackled

<<Of course, jerk. Anyway, I don't think she's into Thor that way>>

<<How would you know?>>

<<I... Well, you've always been the best with girls, right?>>

<<I'm not that guy anymore>>

Smiling, Steve patted him on the shoulder

<<Yes you are. You're still that Bucky, I don't care what you say>>

That comment made the other man smile too

<<Thanks Steve>>

<<You're welcome, buddy. However, you better put your suaveness on because I'll be watching you>>

They laughed together

<<Alright, dad>>

At some point, unnoticed by the two super soldiers, the young girl had made her way toward them. She gently tapped the brown-haired one on the shoulder; when he turned around, she presented him with a donut and a shy smile

<<You said this is your favourite flavour, so I saved it for you>>

He beamed

<<Thank you Bec>>

<<You're welcome, Buck>>

A few giggles escaped their lips, but they died down pretty soon as the two stared at each other.

Rebecca had joined the team not even two months earlier, and they had been dancing around each other for a while.

Bucky thought that her curly red locks were amazing, and her green eyes shone like emeralds; her smile made his stomach flip, and having her next to him made him happier.

For her part, Rebecca absolutely adored his hair, and his smile made her insides tingle and her cheeks blush red like ripe cherries.

Unfortunately, Tony ruined the moment

<<Hey! Why does he get a donut and I don't?>>

Rebecca rolled her eyes and handed Bucky the sweet, walking back to her seat

<<Shut up, Stark>>

<<You two are so cute; why don't you get a room?>>

Bucky suddenly became very interested in the plums laid out before him, while the redhead smirked at the billionaire and retorted <<Tony, if you want to watch porn just go on the internet, like you always do>>

<<Ha! That means you do it and don't want to get caught>>

She sighed

<<You're just upset that you have to use your hands>>

Everyone hooted with laughter; everyone but Tony, who grinned deviously

<<Do you know what he likes about his metal arm? That it never gets tired!>>

Bucky glared at him, but she giggled and retaliated

<<So that's why you built the suit. Geez, I didn't know you were so geriatric already>>

The billionaire froze, suddenly unable to find a comeback, while the

laughter increased

<<Now, enough with this. Let's eat>>

They all agreed and munched on what she had prepared. Still, from time to time, Bucky's eyes wandered over to her, and when they met hers, he would suddenly look away, red in the face.

When breakfast was done and they were putting things away, Bucky subtly approached Rebecca

<<That was... Awesome. Thank you for defending me>>

<<Anytime king Balor>>

He raised an eyebrow in confusion; she gave him an explanation

<<He's a character from "Hellboy">>

<<And what does he have to do with me?>>

<<He has a prosthetic arm>>

<<Oh>>

Giggling to disguise her blush, Rebecca leaned in to whisper something to him

<<Maybe... Maybe later we can watch it together?>>

Bucky did a double-take. The two of them, alone, watching a movie? Yes ma'am

<<Of course>>

<<Great>>

She was beaming, just like him.

<<What are you going to do on this fine morning?>> Sam asked, ready to join Steve on his jog

<<Bucky and I are going to watch a movie>>

<<Oh, really now?>> He grinned cheekily.

The girl turned to glare at Sam <<You little tramp, show some respect or I shall whack you!>> She stated with the strongest British accent they ever heard.

They always made fun of her accent

<<I'm sorry, Your Majesty>>

<<Good. Now, I'm going to steal the grandpa>>

That said, she took Bucky by his left arm and dragged him away.

Tony chuckled <>

<<Stark, stop messing with them>>

<>

<<He's right, Steve>> Natasha said.

Tony brought a hand to his chest <<Romanoff agrees with me; what a day>>

The redhead rolled her eyes <<I'm going to the training room; anyone wants to join me?>>

Sam, Wanda, Vision and Clint went with her, while Tony and Bruce retreated to the lab and Thor went to find some more poptarts.

<<What do you like so much about him?>>

Bucky asked when the credits rolled. He was curious, and a little bit jealous: Rebecca had been going on and on about the guy for a long time.

She cackled <<Well... He's very sure of himself, doesn't take crap from anyone, is very brave and strong... He's just awesome>>

Bucky furrowed his brow in thought <<He is a man out of time, he has an arm made of some strange, indestructible material, has long hair and keeps it in a bun, has a less cocky friend who's all blue...>>

Suddenly, he stopped talking: realisation had finally dawned upon him. In fact, the things he said did not describe only the main character of the movie, but himself too.

Rebecca smiled sweetly and scooted closer to him on the couch, cupping his cheeks with her hands

<<He is feared by everyone because they think he is a freak. But I don't think he is a monster, oh no; he's a strong, kind and amazing man. He's just misunderstood>>

They stared into each other's eyes for a quite a while, lost in the moment, unawarely but slowly leaning in. Finally, they kissed.

Automatically, their eyes closed and they wrapped their arms around each other, happy to be finally experiencing what they'd been craving for a while now.

Bucky's fingers wove themselves in her hair, while hers gripped his shoulders, pulling him even closer.

It was absolutely amazing.

That is, until the moment was ruined.

<<Woohoo!>>

The two pulled way to find the entire team crowded in the doorway, some were smirking (Sam and Tony), some were feeling out of place (Bruce and Steve, even if he was happy for his friend) and some were not quite sure what was going on, so they just cheered along with everyone (Thor). Someone else was rolling their eyes at Tony's antics (Natasha)

<<Get some, Frosty! Get some, Becky!>>

The young woman smirked mischievously

<>

Her words brought bursts of laughter, while the billionaire grinned right back

<>

She huffed and leaned against Bucky <<You're lucky I'm too happy to be mad>>

<<About damn time!>> Sam exploded

<<Clint, pay up>>

<<Aw, man!>> The archer complained, handing Natasha a 20 dollar bill.

Rebecca laughed

<<Happy to be useful, Nat>>

The other redhead chuckled <<Thank you>>

<<Sam, you too>>

<<What?>>

Rebecca laughed <<You owe Nat money, because you lost a bet; I'm assuming it is a conspicuous amount, considering how you have been avoiding her gaze for the past five minutes>>

He sighed <<Shut up, Sherlock>>

She grinned widely <<Oh, how I love to do this>>

Bucky pulled her closer

<<Only that?>>

Cackling, she pulled him closer <<This too>> and she kissed him.

Perhaps the rest of the team bickering over lost and won bets was not the most romantic background (not to mention Thor still eating Poptarts in the corner), but they really did not give a damn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky fic #bucky x original female character #bucky x oc #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #james buchanan bucky barnes

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crowdvscritic · 4 years

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round up // MAY 20

When the going gets rough, I find I keep coming back to two kinds of movies: Romantic comedies and action adventures. For whatever reason, those are my comfort food, even if I’m watching someone get their heart broken or fight for their lives.

Hopefully you’re finding small ways to make your days brighter with books, movies, music, and shows that either help you fight or forget some of the darkness around us for a time. These were a few that made my month brighter, including a number of rom coms and action flicks.

May Crowd-Pleasers

SNL at Home

I almost cried for joy when I learned SNL would finish out its season even though it wouldn’t be in Studio 8H—it felt like a glimmer of a lot of joys we’ve lost in the last few months. While the At Home episodes have an odd rhythm compared to the usual broadcast (that live audience makes a difference, especially during “Weekend Update”), I still laughed every week. A few highlights:

“Bailey at the Movies”

“Dreams”

“Grocery Store”

“MasterClass Quarantine Edition” + “Another MasterClass Qurantine Edition”

“RBG Workout”

Watch those skits, then enjoy an infographic-heavy review of the season from Vulture.

Extraction (2020)

Is this a groundbreaking action movie? Heck no, but watching Chris Hemsworth fight to save a kid with a supporting appearance from David Harbour made for a great Sunday evening. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6/10

The Wedding Singer (1998)

Somehow I’ve never gotten around to this rom com, perhaps because Adam Sandler’s sense of humor usually isn’t my cup of tea. But here he replaces the gross out jokes with a sweet chemistry with Drew Barrymore. I liked it so much I gave 50 First Dates a shot, but, uh, I only recommend movies I finish. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

Baby Boom (1987)

Another not-innovative genre entry, but a satisfying one. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

Action Movies set in 1700s America: The Last of the Mohicans (1992) + The Patriot (2000)

Sometimes I don’t want a complicated villain—sometimes I just want Jason Isaacs (aka Lucius Malfoy) to be so evil I want Mel Gibson to take him down with a tomahawk. The Last of the Mohicans: Crowd - 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10 // The Patriot - Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Taylor Swift City of Lover concert (2020)

I’ve seen Ms. Swift live twice and have loved the stadium tour spectacle. But an intimate show heavy on acoustic performance reminds me how well her songwriting holds up no matter the production

Prop Culture (2020)

I know, I know: Disney+ original series are well executed, long-form advertising. But can you find better-executed advertising than Jason Schwartzman chatting about the Mary Poppins snow globe at a piano with Richard Sherman, the character he played in Saving Mr. Banks? These staged treasure hunts for Disney movie props may be a bit self-important, but they’re also a dose of nostalgia and lessons about the technical side of filmmaking.

This Drake Bell TikTok

If you get this, you get this.

Silverado (1985)

My weird New Year’s resolution? To watch Westerns, a genre I’ve basically skipped until now. Silverado feels like a throwback to classic Westerns with a modern sensibility and more laughs. Plus, baby Kevin Costner and Jeff Goldblum in a fur coat! Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

Chromatica by Lada Gaga (2020)

Turns out I’m not just a fan of the A Star Is Born/duets with Tony Bennet/Joanne Lady Gaga. I’ve always been cooler on her electronic-dance-club Top 40 hits than her recent guitar-and-vocal stylings, but I can’t stop listening to album-long jam sesh. It’s old Gaga meets 2020 beats meets Depeche Mode/Flock of Seagulls/Madonna/New Order of the ‘80s.

The Heat (2013)

Two of my favorite funny ladies teaming up was—not surprisingly—a win. No one delivers a kooky insult like Melissa McCarthy. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

May Critic Picks

Hail, Caesar! (2016)

Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Ralph Fiennes, Scarlett Johansson, Tilda Swinton, Channing Tatum, and more try to keep Hollywood and their careers afloat despite a bizarre series of kidnappings, line flubs, and tap dances. Of course the Coen Brothers have a dry, wacky take on the Hollywood studio era. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Jane Eyre (2006)

Confession: I have not read Jane Eyre. But my mom did, and since she enjoyed the book so much, I figured a happy medium would be to watch this BBC miniseries with her commentary about what they changed from the Brontë classic.

Daisy Jones & the Six (2019)

The highest compliment I can give a book is staying up way too late to finish it, which is what I did with this buzzy Taylor Jenkins Reid book. It’s a barely-fictional oral history of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll in the ‘70s, and somehow it’s not crass or gratuitous about any of them. Most impressive is that Jenkins Reid keeps her characters well-defined even though it’s not written in a traditional novel format. My favorite parts of this story are the deep dive into the creative process and the exploration of how we remember the past. Here’s hoping the Sam Claflin/Riley Keough-led, Reese Witherspoon-produced, (500) Days of Summer team-written Amazon series can do this book justice—I need this soundtrack!

The Plot Thickens podcast (2020)

A Turner Classic Movies podcast hosted by Ben Mankiewicz about film history is a specific—and predictable—Venn diagram of my interests.

Alfred Hitchcock Double Feature: Psycho (1960) + The Birds (1963)

The story about Psycho goes that my grandmother ran out of the movie theatre screaming during the shower scene. Now that I’ve finally watched it, I know why. This horror drama is still terrifying today even if you know what’s going to happen. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 10/10

The story about The Birds goes that my mother was terrified as a little girl after walking into a room where it was on TV, and now she still won’t watch it. The Oscar-winning visual effects have aged so much I didn’t find it scary, but I was still sucked in by the eerie plot. That said, I did have a frightening dream last night involving Tippi Hedren, so it may be more effective than I realized. Give me just a sec while I schedule some Hitchcock-focused family therapy. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

Spend two hours with the two nicest bank robbers you’ll ever meet! A winsome Paul Newman and a laconic Robert Redford make their escape on the scenic trails of the Southwest, and gosh darn it, if they aren’t just a barrel of fun. I enjoyed this Western so much I recommended it in a piece I wrote for Round Trip, too. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

Katharine Hepburn Double Feature: Alice Adams (1935) + Woman of the Year (1942)

Saying you love Katharine Hepburn is like saying you love sunshine and flowers—of course you do! In Alice Adams, she’s an optimistic Cinderella with a down-on-their-luck family who falls for a high class fella (Fred MacMurray). In Woman of the Year, she’s a high-brow journalist who falls for sports columnist Spencer Tracy in their first of nine films together. She earned Oscar nominations for both, but I dare you not to fall in love with her after watching just one. Alice Adams - Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 8/10 // Woman of the Year - Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

Also in May…

When you’re not allowed to travel, you get creative! For Round Trip this month, I recommended 13 movies about travel that will make you feel like you took the vacation COVID-19 made you cancel (including Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid). And if that’s not enough, why don’t you recreate your trip? I turned my apartment into Paris, and here’s why you might want to do the same.

Kyla and I didn’t go far back in time for most of our Gilmore Girls pop culture references on SO IT’S A SHOW? We covered three movies (or two, depending on how you see it) from the 2000s with connections to this year’s Oscars, 8 Mile and then Kill Bill. We also looked into the famous architect Stanford White and a movie he was featured in, 1981’s Ragtime, which had more connections to today’s culture than we expected.

I made another attempt at Jim Jarmusch for ZekeFilm with Broken Flowers. I still don’t get Jim Jarmusch.

My movie count in quarantine is up to 156. You can see them all on Letterboxd.

Photo credits: SNL, Taylor Swift, TikTok, Lady Gaga, Daisy Jones & the Six, The Plot Thickens. All others IMDb.com.

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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People, November 30

Cover: Sexiest Man Alive Michael B. Jordan

Page 7: Chatter -- Dolly Parton on parenthood, Jason Momoa on wearing pink, Kurt Russell on making a negative first impression with longtime love Goldie Hawn, Taylor Swift on dating Joe Alwyn, Keke Palmer on preferring leggings, Viola Davis on processing the state of the world

Page 8: 5 Things We’re Talking About This Week -- stars prep a seasonal singalong, a Baby Yoda cocktail wins over famous fans, The Bachelor mansion hits Airbnb, Arnold Schwarzenegger heads to Netflix, Blue Ivy narrates an audiobook

Page 11: Contents

Page 12: Contents, Editor’s Letter

Page 14: StarTracks -- Famous Families -- John Legend and Chrissy Teigen attended the drive-in premiere of Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey in L.A. with their kids Miles and Luna

Page 15: LeBron James with mom Gloria, Gabrielle Union backyard with daughter Kaavia, Chris Hemsworth and his mother Leonie, Rupert Grint and daughter Wednesday G. Grint

Page 16: Kit Harington filmed a scene for the second season of Modern Love in Dublin, Tiger Woods awarded a green jacket to 2020 Masters champion Dustin Johnson, Patricia Clarkson showed off a shimmering gown at Housing Works’ annual Fashion for Action Benefit

Page 17: Nashville’s Biggest Night -- Carrie Underwood and husband Mike Fisher attended the 54th annual Country Music Association Awards, Charley Pride performed with Jimmie Allen before accepting his CMA Lifetime Achievement Award, Miranda Lambert with husband Brendan McLoughlin, Maren Morris won three awards and shone a light on Black female country artists

Page 19: Timothee Chalamet packed on some layers for a bike ride along Manhattan’s Hudson River Park, Molly Bernard and Sutton Foster and Hilary Duff during a break from filming for Younger in New York City’s Upper West Side, Mandy Moore cradled her pregnant belly at the E! People’s Choice Awards in Santa Monica, Tyler Perry at the E! People’s Choice Awards

Page 23: Scoop -- Healing on Grey’s Anatomy -- inside Patrick Dempsey’s surprise return

Page 24: Lena Dunham reveals her struggle with infertility and IVF

Page 26: Heart Monitor -- Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis surprise split, Ryan Cabrera and Alexa Bliss engaged, Michelle Pfeiffer and David E. Kelley happy anniversary, Kristin Cavallari and Jeff Dye dating

Page 29: Britney Spears’ battle with her dad continues, Britney and Sam Asghari’s island getaway

Page 30: Ciara and Russell Wilson’s new family moves, Buddy Valastro making progress after his accident

Page 32: Rebel Wilson -- my year of health and love, Pioneer Woman Ree Drummond becomes a proud foster mom

Page 34: Passages, Why I Care -- after losing her mother to pancreatic cancer in 2012 Mindy Kaling is raising awareness about the disease

Page 37: Stories to Make You Smile -- there’s no debate about who won the popular vote in Rabbit Hash in Kentucky: a 6-month-old dog named Wilbur, a tiny preemie grows into a healthy 4-year-old with Superman by his side

Page 41: People Picks -- The Flight Attendant

Page 42: Hillbilly Elegy, Happiest Season, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Q&A Lindsey Vonn

Page 43: Lego Star Wars Holiday Special, People Presents: Once upon a Main Street, Small Axe, One to Watch -- The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two’s Darby Camp

Page 45: Books

Page 47: Jewel -- what I know now -- she went from homelessness to pop stardom 25 years ago and now the singer gets candid about healing from her abusive childhood and finding true happiness

Page 53: At home with The Undertaker -- the (family) man behind the WWE legend -- after 30 years in the ring Mark Calaway reflects on his career and catching up on lost time as a dad

Page 56: At 51 Julie Loving becomes her daughter’s surrogate -- a mother’s amazing gift -- after years of struggling with infertility Breanna Lockwood thought she’d never have a child and then her mom stepped up and gave birth to a healthy baby girl

Page 60: John Belushi -- the private world of a comedy legend -- nearly four decades after the groundbreaking actor’s tragic death at age 33 those closest to him open up about the legacy he left behind

Page 64: Emma Stone and Ryan Reynolds -- kids asked and they answered -- the stars of The Croods: A New Age take questions from their youngest fans

Page 66: A High School Coach’s Betrayal -- shattered justice -- Emilie Morris told police her former track coach had sexually abused her but charges were dropped when she died; now her family hopes a new TV special will bring fresh attention to the case

Page 72: Michael B. Jordan is the Sexiest Man Alive -- he’s driven and compassionate and playful and doing more than his fair share to help change the world

Page 83: Men of the Year -- Chris Evans

Page 84: Harry Styles

Page 85: Trevor Noah, Kevin Costner, Maluma, Lakeith Stanfield

Page 86: Paul Rudd, Steve Kornacki, William Zabka, Ryan Seacrest, Darren Barnet

Page 87: Brad Pitt, The Weeknd, Paul Mescal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II

Page 88: Manny Jacinto, Dr. Elvis Francois, Stephen Colbert, Robert Pattinson

Page 89: John David Washington

Page 90: Dwayne Johnson, Lucas Bravo, Dr. Anthony Fauci

Page 91: Pedro Pascal

Page 92: Chris Rock, Matt Bomer, Penn Badgley, Andrew Cuomo, Justin Bieber, Jonathan Majors

Page 98: The People Have Spoken -- readers exercised their right to vote by picking their favorites in an online poll

* Sexiest Star Who Kept Us Smiling -- John Krasinski

* Sexiest Small-Screen Star -- Jensen Ackles

* Sexiest Royal -- Prince Harry

Page 99: Sexiest International Man -- Jeon Jungkook

* Sexiest New Dad -- Joe Jonas

* Sexiest Happily Settled Guy -- Ryan Reynolds

Page 100: Sexiest Sports Star -- Patrick Mahomes

* Sexiest Social Media Star -- Shawn Mendes

* Sexiest Brothers -- Liam Hemsworth and Chris Hemsworth

* Sexiest Netflix Heartthrob -- Noah Centineo

Page 106: Dan Levy -- sexiest man in quarantine -- baking and jigsaw puzzles and so many Zooms: whatever quarantine had to offer the Schitt’s Creek co-creator and star tried it all

Page 115: Hottest Couples -- these twosomes make being in love look good -- Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, Matthew and Camila McConaughey, Kevin and Eniko Hart, Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt and Chris Pratt, Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid, Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez

Page 117: The Eyes Have It -- in the era of face masks these men are still able to flaunt their finest feature -- Idris Elba, Bradley Cooper, Jesse Williams, Mark Consuelos, Boris Kodjoe, Henry Golding, Zac Efron, Ian Somerhalder

Page 120: A Sexy Man’s Best (Instafamous) Friend -- Nick Jonas with Gino Chopra Jonas

Page 123: Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka with Gidget and Spike

Page 124: Harry Connick Jr. with Tuka

Page 127: Cats Are Instafamous Too -- these felines and their sexy celeb owners prove they’re just as worthy of social media stardom -- Ed Sheeran with Calippo, Bobby Flay with Nacho, Keegan Allen with Tyn, Ricky Gervais with Pickle

Page 129: Sexy at Every Age

Page 130: Silver Foxes -- they’ve still got it -- these former cover stars are as smoldering as ever proving sexiness gets better with age -- Richard Gere, Harrison Ford

Page 131: Pierce Brosnan, Harry Hamlin, Mark Harmon

Page 132: All Glowed Up -- this group of guys outgrew their sweet baby faces to become dashingly handsome men -- Adam Rippon, Charlie Puth, Josh Peck, Mario Lopez, Michele Morrone, Skylar Astin

Page 133: Orlando Bloom, Ramy Youssef, Brooklyn Beckham, Hunter Hayes, Wilson Cruz, Chase Stokes, Jordan Fisher

Page 134: A Change of Scenery -- we’re all sick of staying home so luckily these sizzling guys have found plenty of ways to get things done outdoors -- Paul Wesley goes camping in his yard

Page 136: Cole Hauser takes a bath

Page 137: Common gets a shave and a haircut

Page 138: Edgar Ramirez enjoys coffee and a book

Page 140: Derek Hough does his laundry

Page 143: Cutest Baby Alive -- CNN anchor Anderson Cooper’s sweet son Wyatt

Page 151: Second Look -- Melissa McCarthy in Superintelligence

Page 152: One Last Thing -- Kate Mara -- the actress stars in the new limited series A Teacher

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