My Collection of Beauty Standard Inspo 💗

#PrettyHeiressDiaries

video vixens ❤︎︎

video vixens are the quintessential sexy girl that you either wanted to be or wanted to get. they’re almost always hyper girly and there’s a natural beauty to them that’s less prominent as of late. they ooze effortless sex appeal. not to mention the mystery they held. i mean they literally were just there to look good, be pursued, and look good some more. they weren’t talking, let alone telling their business.

thin brows

frosty lip gloss

jet black or honey blonde long hair

millennium/logomania designer pieces

very blingy detailz

revealing cuts + sexy silhouettes

vintage glam black women ❤︎︎

appearing effortlessly beautiful while giving high maintenance class. these women are EXPEN$IVE! striking personalities and body language that commanded respect and attracted the best treatments only. a very overt glamorous brand of femininity.

voluminous hair and curls

opulent accessories

fur coats + shawls

metallic, shimmery eyes

pendant jewelry

ultrafeminine bougie women ❤︎︎

women like kimora lee simmons, mariah carey, and nicki minaj (and fictional characters like hilary banks, dionne davenport and toni childs) all carry themselves with a super girly aura. they don’t mind the “diva” or “gold digger” label; embrace it even. they love pink and being the most sparkly in the room and are often very successful and headstrong!

pink, pink, pink

tweed, tartan, + plaid

natural glam makeup

silk presses and sew ins

blouses + skirts

crop tops, tube tops, + turtlenecks

iconic early 90s supermodels ❤︎︎

the golden age of fashion. these women walked in the most influential fashion shows for me; chanel ss95, chanel fw92, azzedine alaia fw91, versace 92, lanvin a/w 91. the epitome of untouchable glamour. the circle of the most beautiful, most hardworking women ever.

silk, tulle, chiffon

statement pieces

designer purses

houndstooth and cheetah prints

form-fitting silhouettes

an amazing strut

noelle's prêt-à-porter dolls 🎀🐩

Pretty girl Tingz

the pink class essentials

Some of my favourite female characters in fiction

This list is not exhaustive and while I do have other characters that I find charming and that I love, I have noted these characters because in my opinion, they have struggled and/or there is a certain analysis to their personalities. 

Please take note that some of the characters are not morally good or have done questionable actions. This is not to discuss or say they are role models, but rather to write up what they represented, their role in the story or simply their personalities. I’m not here to justify the character’s actions.

Remember that a well-written characters do not have to be morally good. 

Also, a lot of them are from memory and the analysis aren’t well-structured. 

Let’s dive in:

1. Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby

Daisy, in my opinion, is incredibly misunderstood and unjustifiably hated among the readers. Her betrayal to Gatsby is indeed vile and it did upset me, I definitely think that she is materialistic, shallow and hurtful.  

“I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”

Daisy did shit on Gatsby [trying to avoid spoilers here].  

However, I do like to note that I think part of her materialism and shallowness is because of how women were in the 1920s. They did not have any freedom or agency. To Tom, she seems to be a trophy wife for him to keep; and to Gatsby, he only liked the idea of her, he wasn’t in love with her. To everyone around her, she was an item, a beautiful doll to be possessed, rather than a person. I think that’s why she turned out like that. 

She's materialistic because men around her sees her as an object. Nonetheless, Daisy is still “careless” and hurtful; and I think this stemmed from the life she had led that were a compilation of choices that were made for her. Her betrayal towards Gatsby is what makes her character rather disappointing to most readers. The whiteness in her dress as described in her first appearance? It’s not innocence, but rather a void and jadedness. 

2. Neon Nostrade from Hunter x Hunter

Yet, another girl in our list that loves to be hated by the fandom. Though honestly, most of her haters are Chrollo and Kurapika stans who gets jealous because Chrollo got to hang out with her and Kurapika works under her. Also her repulsive hobby - although this is actually what makes me like her. 

I have addressed this in my other posts before, but let me just copy and paste them (and modify a bit):  Her upbringing and exploitation by her dad makes her materialistic and emotionally detached. This materialism and detachment is manifested in the form of her hobby as a dead body parts collector. But other than that, she’s really a normal girl, just sheltered and spoilt. The money she spends are even from her talent Lovely Ghostwriter, her father will be nothing without her. So I don’t see an issue with her spending them on shopping etc. 

In fact, I would argue that she bathes in materialism to fill the emptiness that she has. Her father is more concerned with her ability and power, she has no friends and is guarded 24/7 by employees.

All the times she threw tantrums and the way she talks… it’s a different speech pattern altogether when she interacts with Chrollo - which may suggest that the whole spoilt attitude is exaggerated to gain attention from a father who is indulgent in terms of material gifts, but not in terms of affection and time for her.

When Eliza cried, she was willing to forgo bidding the auction physically. Yes she did not care about the bodyguards because she is more focused on the living and the present (Eliza) than the dead.

The reason why she didn’t seem fazed when Dalzollene and the others died is because a) they were her bodyguards, it’s their job to put their life on the line to protect her, b) she mentioned to Chrollo that her fortune-telling is for the living, she likes to live in the present and doesn’t believe in the afterlife.

Neon is more focused on who is alive, rather than the dead (which also represented by her hobby of dead body parts collecting). She focuses on the present, unlike her clients who likes to know their future or people who dwell in the past. Kurapika on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He dwells on the past and likes to focus on his dead clan rather than the present times with his friends (which is completely understandable).

Another significance is that her fortune-telling ability is very useful and helpful, she says that she wanted to make people happy with it; but however, it is commercialized and used as a means of power (knowledge of the future = power) by her father and pretty much everyone around her. Just like how she objectifies dead people by collecting their parts, the people around her sees her as a tool due to her fortune-telling abilities, rather than see her as a person. Even Kurapika chose to get employed under her, for his own agenda (he is bound to meet dead body parts collectors at some point). 

She treats people like objects because people see her as one.

Of course, collecting dead body parts is a pretty fucked hobby; but what she represents and her role as a minor character is what makes her an outstanding minor female character in the show. 

Yes. She has traits that are not your typical role model, but neither are other hxh characters. She’s not independent, naive, can’t fight, in need of saving, uncaring at times and spoilt. She is far from so-called “strong female character” that we often look up to. She is a character with bad traits which is a result of being a victim. But that’s what makes me love her as a character in hxh. It reminds us that there are girls out there who has lack of freedom and control over their own fate; and their only way out is through materialism and detaching themselves from people. 

In fact, she might be even relateable to some people more than other female characters because there is vulnerability in her character.

3. Hua Mulan (Mostly the Chinese 2009 film, though the most well-known is the Disney 1998 animated film)

There has been various adaptations for this character, with the Disney Animated version being the most prominent.

However, my favourite one is definitely the Chinese film Hua Mulan: Rise of A Warrior (2009). It portrays the horrors of war and the suffering it brings, nationalism, camaraderie among the army - all while giving us the admirable Mulan climbing up to the ranks of being a war general.

I highly recommend this adaptation. I know the Disney Live Action 2020 version did not receive good reception, and we honestly did not need one because this 2009 Chinese film does the job well (I like their soundtrack though). It's not really well-known because it's a Chinese film (which is hella ironic because Hua Mulan is a Chinese character? Lmao).

"Today we will stain the battlefield with our blood. Behind us is our homeland. If we have to bleed out our last drop of blood, if we have to become bleached bones in this desert, we must defend it to the death! We must let the Rourans know we Wei warriors will never surrender and will never compromise! Soldiers may rebel against me, generals may leave me for dead, but I, Hua Mulan, will never betray my country!"

Generally, I either have an issue with strong female characters because they are just shallow (meaning they are only physically strong, often viewing rudeness, misandry and independence as strength). I like female characters who are so much more to that.

Mulan, in this film, not only showed her badassery in fighting the war for more than a decade, but we also see how much she struggled. Everytime her comrades die, her heart gets broken. Yet she has to learn how to pick herself up and become the leader that they need. She dislikes war, she dislikes the bloodshed; yet she fights for her country.

To me, a strong female character is not just a feminist icon or someone who can fight. In fact, a female character doesn't need to be someone capable of fighting, what makes her strong is to be able to overcome turbulence with determination.

I think this is something that is lacking in recent "strong female characters" - showing us their strength through perseverance.

As for the Disney's counterpart (talking about the 1998 film here), it is less morbid but we also see her trying her best to make her family proud and protect her country. Like the song Reflection and Loyal, Brave and True, she struggles with finding her purpose and her role in her family.

"The greatest gift of honour, is having you for a daughter."

4. Blanche Dubois from A Streetcar Named Desire

It's been years since I had analysed Blanche, but among all the 6 books that I had to study for English Literature, A Streetcar Named Desire has been my absolute favourite.

I think what struck me in this book is not just the style, but Blanche's vulnerability. Her actions are definitely not morally good: she misrepresents things, she lies, she even had sex with an underage student. She's paranoid, mentally unstable and prissy. Which was why, her polar opposite character, Stanley, is so annoyed with her.

After her husband's suicide, we see Blanche relying on the company of men to fill the void of her loneliness and misery. She is also concerned about her beauty fading with age - I find that highly reliable. It sounds incredibly "vain", but beauty does play a part.

Based on Evolutionary and Mating Theories among humans, appearance in women are especially important (also for men but not as much as women). Of course, there are other factors and traits that people find attractive, but Blanche's concern is valid here. She needs to find a husband to escape from her financial troubles; and her age, beauty and chastity plays a huge factor in her search for getting a man in the setting she was in (which was Mitch in this case). Ironically, these are the very traits that she has "lost" and so desperately tries to hide it.

Her ending is truly a devastating and upsetting one. [Will not talk about it due to spoilers]

"I've always depended on the kindness of strangers."

5. Haibara Ai/Shiho Miyano from Detective Conan

Perhaps one of the girls that is a wasted potential. In a series where the characters are mostly flat, she's arguably the most multi-faceted (but somehow I had heard that she no longer has the same complexity as she used to have - it's been a while since I followed this series).

But I remember absolutely loving this character.

Her background story is really unique in the show and one that is embedded within the Black Organisation plotline (why her character was dropped... Forever frustrating for me).

From the moment she was first introduced, we see Conan taking an immediate distrust towards her. A guy who is a detective who had been catching criminals - yet one ex-syndicate member stands before him. The one that actually helped to develop the APTX4869 that changed his life.

Yet, we see that it wasn't entirely within her control. Both her parents were syndicate members and when her sister tries to get both of them to leave, her sister dies.

Ai starts off as seemingly cold, pessimistic and avoidant. But as her arc goes on, the iceberg around her melts. We see her quirky sarcastic replies, her taste for fashion and she genuinely desires to be happy. Her relationship with Conan developed into a beautiful one - to the point where Conan trusts her with anything and they would risk their lives for one another.

Yet, we also empathies with her impending jealousy and heartache. The boy she has fallen for already has someone else. What's more, the girl is genuinely kind and is a splitting image of her sister. After Ran saved her from Vermouth, she quickly warms up to Ran as well.

She's also the key to developing the antidote for Shinichi to be back with Ran - an almost painful metaphor for her to give him away (he never belonged to her in the first place). Yet, she doesn't really stop them from being together (even though in some cases she appears jealous or phrase ShinRan's reunion as a word of caution).

I definitely think she is the most compelling character in Detective Conan because of her character development and the struggles she faces. It's definitely upsetting that her character has been neglected.

“Don’t judge people from the outside. Like any rose has thorns, the more the person appears nice on the outside, the more you should doubt the inside.”

6. Misato Katsuragi from Neon Genesis Evangelion

Who is the best female character in Eva? Asuka or Rei? My answer will always be Misato, Risato is a close second (I wanted to analyse Risato, but I’m trying to keep it to one person per series). Misato is one of the 90s anime babes. She definitely captivated many people’s heart. 

I must say though, I have a soft spot towards female characters who has some sort of daddy issues (why I like Neon Nostrade). It’s been a while since I had watched Eva, but I’m going to try to remember why I like her. 

I think the concept of Hedgehog’s Dilemma has been echoed throughout the series, and all the characters seem to struggle with emotional attachment towards people. I actually like to phrase the Hedgehog Dilemma as “Avoidant-Fearful Attachment Style” - wanting connection with people, yet not being able to do so out of fear of being hurt. 

For Misato, when I initially first watched Eva, I compared her a little to Blanche Dubois in how they cope with loneliness - their sexuality. I remember being confused with her interactions with Shinji, who was half her age. At times, she serves as his guardian/mother figure; but at some moments (I think it was sometimes after Kaji’s death), she tried to seek comfort with Shinji by attempting to initiate sex (which Shinji rejects). I remember coming across a comment somewhere that Shinji and Misato’s relationship is somewhat like Humbert and Dolores (from Lolita) - can’t comment on this as I only read the first chapter of the book. 

It makes me think that she uses sex as a way to cope and the only way she can connect with people (and it’s superficial), which doesn’t work for Shinji because she needs to be her guardian (and ultimately fails to be purely his guardian once she crossed that no-no boundary). 

Another thing to note was her backstory about her dad. There seems to be a dissonance, given that she resented her dad for not spending time with her due to his work, but he ended up sacrificing her life for her. I do think it’s a bit of guilt (because resenting her dad but he saves her - these two contradicts one another). It’s clear that her issues to connect stems from her backstory regarding her father. 

It’s interesting how she compares Kaji to her father. I do think she loves Kaji, but “reminds him too much of her father” (as to put it simply). There is this... stereotype that we find someone similar to our opposite-gender parents, no matter how shitty they were towards us. I believe that it is because we tend to stick to something that is familiar to us, even if those type of people aren’t good for us (I think to break this cycle is to practise self-awareness and know what is good for us). 

Anyway, Misato is a character that I really liked (as all the characters in Eva) because they highlight Hedgehog’s Dilemma that stemmed from their parental issues. Maybe I have not watched a lot of anime, but female characters with issues with their fathers are not as explored deeply as male characters and their parental issues. A lot of times, female characters (especially in shounen) serves as a romantic interest and yes they can have really sad backstory, but not issues towards their father and how it affects their relationship with other people. So far, the only ones I had seen is Mukuro (Yu Yu Hakusho), Misato and Neon Nostrade. 

7. Disney's Cinderella

First of all, she has been a victim of abuse since she was a child. It's not easy for her to escape her predicament. Where can she go? It's not that easy.

Boy. I hate how much people remember Cinderella wrongly and attack her for being "backwards", which is actually factually wrong.

Cinderella always get flack for using the Prince to "escape" her predicament when "she can do it herself".

I say that's bullshit. I actually came across a youtube video: Cinderella Stop Blaming the Victim [please check it out for more in-depth analysis]

Despite all that, she's doesn't internalize it. She knows she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, and she does to a certain degree stand up to them (whenever the cat makes her tasks harder). She knows when to fight back and restrain herself because it might endanger her life.

After years of suffering in this domestic household, she remains kind, compassionate and hopeful. Which is not an easy feat. The problem is, these traits are often seen as feminine and synonymous with being weak. But it is actually, in fact, signs of strength. The mental fortitude she has to remain kind after all she went through is a sign of strength.

The Fairy Godmother only appeared when she was losing hope - take note that she ends up crying because her stepsisters tore her mother’s dress (which is the most disturbing scene in the film). 

Even I had remembered this wrongly - one crucial fact is that... She did not want to go the ball to nab the Prince. That was her stepsisters. Homegirl just wanted to chill. She did not even know she was dancing with the Prince!

When Lady Tremaine locked her up to prevent her from reaching the Prince, it wasn’t the Prince that saved her. She and her animal friends got her out of the room, and proceeded to prove that she was indeed the maiden that had danced with the Prince. Her marrying the Prince was only a fitting end to her because it provides her a home and an escape from an abusive household; however, it was her resilience for holding onto fate and being mentally strong, and her initiatives partially contributed to her happy end. The Prince is more like a passive character. 

I highly think that people tend to brush her traits - e.g. compassion, having fate, being kind is listed as feminine. However, it is far from being weak, which most people would deem it as. But that is definitely not true. 

“No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish can come true.”

8. Mikasa Ackerman from Attack on Titan

Mikasa is either a hit or miss among AOT fans. Some people like Mikasa because she is physically strong and her loyalty to Eren is admirable. On the other hand, some people think she’s clingy and her being physically strong makes her a Mary Sue. 

Whether or not you like Mikasa, there is a fact that she is not a Mary Sue. The definition of a Mary Sue is a female character lacking in weakness and seems perfect. 

She is physically strong, yes - I believe that Isayama wanted to distribute traits to the trio. Even Hannes has said it in S1. Armin represents intellect, Eren represents grit and Mikasa represents strength. So her being physically strong makes sense, and Isayama also provided an explanation for it (being an Ackerman). 

However, this does not mean she lacks any weakness. Arguably, her loyalty to Eren is both a liability and her strength. This “weakness” has been highlighted by her dilemma between her loyalty towards Eren and her belief that mass genocide is wrong.

[I won’t go into details about the manga parts that have not been animated as of 2021, can’t spoil it too much]. 

Laechesis Blog-isms - Part 1: the Hike

NOTE: This is based off of the Vargas training camp event that has recently come out. The event is changed to where it involves the main cast, plus the girl OCs me and my Sisters made up. This is going to be told in Camera form, with Laechesis recording (one of the 3 fates OCs my sister made up. Shoutout to my sis, @extremelywonderfulplaces!!)

--- In the Mirror Hall ---

Laechesis: *activates Camera* K, peeps, this is me, Laechesis and my classmates and I are on a Camping trip. We have a good half of the school with us, including dorm leaders, so this outta be fun!

--- outside in the courtyard. Many students are gathered, looking over their supplies. ---

Laechesis: Okay, so here we have our dorm members looking over our supplies. *shows Atropes, Clotho and Ortho looking over their stuff. Camera then zooms to Idia, who is sitting in the corner, playing his Nintendo switch.* Idia, what's your opinion on Camp so far?"

Idia: Camp is a pain in my ass and I wanna go back to the dorm.

Laechesis: Okaaaaaay, let's check on the girls. *camera turns to Atropes and Clotho* How is Camp so far?

Clotho: Camp hasn't even started yet, and I'm excited!!!

Atropes: Heck yeah! Plus, it's not just gonna be us!' *camera zooms towards other students, who are looking over their supplies.*

Laechesis: well then, let's go ask around and see what everyone else thinks of this camping trip *camera fizzes out and then shows Members of Savannaclaw, looking over their luggage*

Leona: Ugh... so noisy. I just wanna nap. To answer your question, Retna, no. I'm not.

Taai: Leona may not be excited, but we sure are.

Ruggie: heck yeah! The wilderness is an all you can eat buffet! Shishishishi~

Jack: I'm excited as well. I've been camping with my little siblings and it was fun. Plus, this is a chance for me to test my strength.

Laechesis: Great! Now that we have our answers from Savannaclaw, let's move to the members of Scarabia *Camera fizzes before it's on Kalim and the members of the Scarabia* Kalim! You excited for camp?

Kalim: You bet! This is my first time camping so this outta be fun. Jamil, Sahara, Shi and Amee are also pretty excited.

Shi: *mutters* not really

Amee: *shakes her head*

Jamil: Well, I normally don't like getting dragged around by Kalim, but I'll admit, I'm pretty excited to be on this trip.

Sahara: You kidding me?! I'm lucky Vil is bringing extra make-up! I won't last a day without that.

Laechesis: Speaking of Vil, let's go check on Pomefiore's members~ *camera fizzes til it's on Vil and the Members of Pomefiore.* Vil, how does it feel to be on a camping trip like this?

Vil: I'm not cut out for outdoor activities. Seeing as we will be gone for a week at least, I bought enough makeup to last me and my members. *gestures to the Backpack that he is carrying. It looks like one of those big hiking backpacks*

Laechesis: Understood, Scheonheit-san. What about you Annabelle-chan? *Camera turns to Annabelle*

Annabelle: I've never been camping before, but it sounds like fun! My Dad is too old to take us anywhere like that, so I think I missed out.

Laechesis: LMAO, YOU CALLED YOUR DAD O- *camera fizzes* Anyway, Epel, Rook, Danielle, what are your thoughts?

Rook: Je suis très excité! The thrill of the outdoors and the hunt are what excite me the most about this trip *shows his bow and arrows*

Epel: You're telling me! I hope I catch a bear while I'm out there! *pulls out his pocket knife and gives his signature "I'm deadly" smirk*

Danielle: Ew, the outdoors are disgusting.

Laechesis: I'm not surprised about Rook's reaction; Epel..... WTF? And Danielle, not surprised you're a prissy B*tch.

Danielle: HOW DAR- *Camera fizzes*

Laechesis: ANYWAY, Let's take a break from the Sumptuous Pomefiore and take a look at the deadliest dorm this side of NRC, Diasomnia! *Camera fizzes again* Alrighty, Malleus-san, what is your opinion on this trip?

Malleus: I'm rather excited. Like some of the students here, this will be my first time camping, so I can't wait to see what it's like.

Lilia: Plus, I packed us enough food to last us the week~ *shows off a container of the Oblivion he calls food*

Rest of Diasomina: .......

Laechesis: Um, okay! Briar, Silver, Sebek, what about you three?

Silver: Zzzzzz

Sebek: I'm excited for whatever the young Master is excited fo-ow! *is elbowed in the gut by Briar*

Briar: Sebek, shut your trap. *turns back to the Camera* I'm actually pretty excited for this.

Laechesis: Sounds good! Now, let's go check on Octavinelle! *Camera fizzes again before it is on the members of Octavinelle* So Azul, what's your opinion on Camp?

Azul: Unfortunately, I'm not cut out for physical sports, so I'm hoping for a raise in my grade.

Laechesis: Yeah, you can barely fly, so it makes sense.

Azul: >:O

Laechesis: Jade, Floyd, Scylla, what about you three?

Scylla: Well, this is no different then what Jade does for his Club

Jade: Indeed. Plus, I'm hoping to find some mushrooms while I'm here.

Floyd: Neeee~ I wanna go swimming while I'm here. It's better then hunting for mushrooms.

Scylla: Floyd, you and Jade swim all the time.

Floyd: You swim with us too!

Scylla: Fair, but still!

Laechesis: Well, looks like you guys got your agenda sorted. Now, let's check in on Heartslaybul *camera fizzes before it's trained on Heartslaybul.* Riddle, what's your opinion on camp so far?

Riddle: Well, I've never been camping before, so this new experience should be fun and educational.

Laechesis: Oh believe me, Camping is loads of fun. Trey, Cater, Rosia, how about you guys? *Camera moves over to them*

Rosia: I think it will be a delightful time.

Cater: Yep! Plus, Trey-kun here will be making his famous Flapjacks! Hopefully we can find some berries. Plus, I'll be able to take lots of selfies~

Rosia: Remember that this is for your grade as well, Cater.

Cater: right, right.

Trey: Cooking out in the Wilderness should be a new experience for me. Besides Ruggie, a few of us are gonna be cooking. Hopefully not Lilia though.

Laechesis: Sounds good Senpais. Ace, Deuce what about.... you guys? *Camera pans over to Ace and Duece, who are fighting over a backpack* Let's leave them. Anyway, I'll film again when we reach the first sight! Take care Peepies! *Camera turns off*

connections

Branwen Yaxley

likes: strong-minded people who put their money where their mouth is. respects you if you punch her after she’s said something mean. doesn’t mind bad decisions as long as you stand by it.

dislikes: cowardice, indecisiveness and a lack of honour. 

Ainsley Abbott

/ mostly thinks her weak.

Regulus Black

is like a fresh whiff from home. doesn’t entirely respect or trust him, mostly because she’s never liked people who suck up to the pureblood society. but she does appreciate having someone like-minded around.

Sirius Black

can’t stand him. at first thought him to be a bit like herself but finds him neither driven nor strong enough to be of any worth to her.

Amelia Bones

finds her absolutely ridiculous and terribly annoying. big words, no actions. plus, she finds it weird that she’s so under her brother’s foot when she’s not even trying to be part of the order.

Edgar Bones

/ terrified of him. they once had a conversation that seemed innocent and boring enough and before she knew it, he knew more about her than most people. she’s just waiting for him to air out all her secrets and is therefore ridiculously obedient to his every wish.

Maurice Creevey

/ muggleborn. yet she’s not entirely against his radio show broadcasting the order to more people. hopes he fucks up one day and outs the order so they can stop hiding.

Caradoc Dearborn

respects him, perhaps a little too much. he’s driven and strong-minded, even if misguided. once admitted that if she had to marry someone, she’d choose him.

Dedalus Diggle

/ who?

Lily Evans

despises her. killed leina nott, therefore believes her agenda is to rot out all purebloods. does however respect her a little for standing her ground.

Annalise Fawley

appreciates having someone ‘in their right mind’ around.

Benjy Fenwick

from one quidditch player to another, she respects him. the age gap prevents her to see anything else in him than a kid, though. for some reason he manages to have her open up sometimes.

Arabella Figg

squib. repulsive. tries to civil around her to not get in trouble with the order. doesn’t really know her.

Mundungus Fletcher

old partnership going on there, even if bran rarely acknowledges it. he used to write her letters under a female pseudonym, which drove her into realising she was gay, as well as outing herself. after that, ‘spomenka pavic’ never wrote bran again and she also went through her first heart break. seeing how he’s such a slytherin, she can but look down on him, but she does respect his skills, and uses them when needed.

Cordelia Greengrass

/ who?

Ryland Greengrass

doesn’t really understand him or why he didn’t fight and just resumed his normal life after his literal family abducted him. they did make a good team during a mission once, though.

Hestia Jones

/ who?

Alice Longbottom

old best friend. strong duo during hogwarts. got bran into the order. she loves and respects her dearly and would probably die for her if it came to it.

Frank Longbottom

bumbling idiot. bran would never admit it, but frank took alice away and by that broke her heart. she doesn’t think frank is a good fit for alice and while she has promised alice to be civil to him on her wedding day and every day after that, she holds a deep, terrible grudge against him.

Remus Lupin

werewolf. disgusting and a danger, especially his presence at the farm. wants him out the order for being what he is, and dead for having kept it a secret.

Mary McDonald

new best friend. sure, bran would never admit it but she respects mary more than anyone else in the order. on the battlefield they make a stunning duo. she is, however, very careful to never mention her opinions on muggleborns around her.

Marlene McKinnon

complicated feelings towards this acquaintance. in theory, bran despises marlene for starting the DTF but since the rosier engagement party, she harbors rather fond feelings towards the refugees, and by extend of that, also towards marlene. also thinks her terribly attractive but that’s a secret.

Dorcas Meadowes

/ the whole bombing things mentality? bran’s in.

Peter Pettigrew

meek and dull and even worse: boring. uses him occasionally but certainly thinks him a worthless excuse of a human.

James Potter

/ seemed capable enough.

Fabian Prewett

another good old friend from hogwarts. they played quidditch together for four years and bran admires his brave heart and strong mind, as well as his skills on a broom and his ability to take a joke. they’re a great team on the battlefield. bran would never hesitate to take a curse for him.

Gideon Prewett

/ weak, silly and distracted. she takes him about as serious as peter pettigrew and wished fabian could have been a single child.

Isla Selwyn-MacMillan

/ the perfect pureblood daughter. at least in bran’s eyes. and she can’t stand her for it. doesn’t know why she’d want to be in the order, and deep down suspects her to be the mole.

Severus Snape

/ slimey, grimey man. no interest.

Andromeda Tonks

friends from school. used to tease her for being such a ‘hissy prissy missy’ but still defended her rawringly against anyone who tried to call her like that as well. blames ted tonks for ‘ruining’ her with his ‘muggleborn ideology poison’.

Lu Travers

/ has heard a bit about them from their mother. is very confused as to what’s going on with pureblood society at the moment.

Artem Tremblay

indecisive and meek. bran used to bully them at hogwarts, thinking them a weak little pureblood daughter. the whole veela thing unsettles her. when artem came out, bran apologised and defended her against everyone. she would’ve respected it greatly had artem stuck to her path as independent blood traitor, but crawling back to her family seems weak to her.

Emmeline Vance

capable, driven and focused. bran respects her, even if she thinks that emmeline has strong bias against her, never really giving her a chance. they did prove to be a rather good team at the aftermath of the engagement party, though.

Emma Vanity

/ another little pureblood girl who wants to play war, isn’t it?

Maddy Warren

/ who?

kimb wexler!!

favorite thing about them: I think it’s really cool that she’s more than just a love interest for the protag. She’s got her own story, her own agenda, and she’s amazingly complex. Whenever you think she’s just lawful good and that’s her entire character, she kicks your ass into the next dimension doing something really interesting and new. And she’s got SO much chaotic energy bottled up behind SO much lawful good, and I’m so curious where this will take her ultimately! Rhea Seehorn is also just. Sorry she looks super cool, I love her voice! At first glance you could think Kim is a prissy upper class girl (which would be fine), but then Rhea opens her mouth or just does that ACTING THING where it suddenly hits you in the face that Kim’s a tough, professional, funny, down-to-earth, no-nonsense… mature… person… who can be super emotionally intelligent and forgiving and. Idk. We stan. 

least favorite thing about them: That she’s basically the only female main character in the show, and honestly, kinda the only important recurring female character at all…!

favorite line: “FAIR? Let’s talk about FAIR.” God. So much power. For Kim to just rip Howard a new one like that. Iconic scene. 

brOTP: Kim / Jimmy? Tho I totally do ship them romantically!! But their friendship is especially important to me.

OTP: Kim / Paige

nOTP: None, I think. I mean if people were out there shipping her with Chuck I wouldn’t be into that but since I don’t think anyone does that…

random headcanon: she’s top af.

unpopular opinion: Iiii think the best way BCS could go for her is if she got disbarred and moved far, far away from Jimmy :c Not because I want her to be disbarred, heavens no! But the whole “2nd best lawyer” vs “best lawyer” cup deal kinda makes me think that’s foreshadowing that Kim isn’t gonna stay a lawyer.

song i associate with them: Headlock by Imogen Heap

favorite picture of them:

what’s the impoartance of branding and how did you find your brand

Branding Yourself ❤︎︎

why do you buy lingerie from victoria’s secret and not target? why do you go to starbucks instead of looking for a local coffee shop? it’s the way these entities have displayed their aesthetic, values, and more than anything: THEIR AURA. they’re displaying a feeling that you can only get if you indulge in their goods and services.

when you carry yourself in whatever fashion that happens to be, imagine a logo plastered all over yourself. who’s attention do you want to grab with that logo? you’re showing potential employers, friends, love interests, what they’ll be getting when in collaboration with you. so this. this is what’s important about branding.

My Brand 🎀

i wanted to feel not only feminine in energy, but hyperfeminine in appearance… but with a cloak of sex appeal, maturity and exclusivity

i recently found and accepted that i am not “cute” aesthetically. i’m far more often seen as “pretty” or “sexy” and unknowingly working against my natural beauty archetype was hurting me badly

my color palette of midtone pink, black, white, gray, and nude/brown convey a feminine look while being grounded in minimalism from the neutral colors

sex kitten, video vixen, and victoria’s secret angel are archetypes/aesthetics i identify and get associated with often

i leaned into my result from vindicta’s feminine archetype quiz (the aphrodite + the diva)

i compiled a list of words i identify with and channeled them in my self expression and how i carry myself

studying my birth chart and infusing my natural traits into my essence with intent

all these things i’ve compiled over time and lots of trial and error to reach what i call #theprissygirlagenda (i can make a detailed post about this in the future)

things my followers said they associate with me, ie. “prissy girl core”:

louis vuitton bags, french tips, fur details, cheetah print, rhinestones, silk presses, fuzzy pens, rap and r&b, sexy over cute, hoop earrings

How to Build Yours 🎀

how do you wanna feel

how do you wanna be seen

what do you want out of life

these three questions will help you be able to reach a conclusion in conjunction with the resources below 🎀💕💗

What Even Is… #ThePrissyGirlAgenda?

My Guide to Making a Beauty Binder

Discovering Your “Vibe” 1 & 2 by @FILLEFATALE on twitter

She Is So Bougie Checklist by @babyphat05

Quizzes that Helped Me Develop My Brand

Vindicta Feminine Archetype Quiz + System

13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes Quiz

Tips to Enhance Your Natural Features

BabyPhat05’s Bougie Guide 101

Reinvention by @thevirgodoll

Walking in High Heels by @prettyvixenavenue

Pretty Privilege by @2pretty

How to Build Your Personal Brand and Self Concept by @femmefatalevibe

Tips for Self-Discovery by @femmefatalevibe

Understanding Archetypes by @femmefatalevibe

Knowing Yourself by @femmefatalevibe

Your Dream Girl Archetype by @femmefatalevibe

-xoxo!

Inktober - Day 5: Leverage

PROMPT - Build

“You want to what?”

“I want to ... to build an Orphanage.”

They’d looked at her as though she were crazy; Squad Leader Hange and Commander Erwin, when she’d first voiced her idea.

They, along with Captain Levi, had called in to visit her in her new residence in Mitras before she took her first official meeting with the government.

The Captain, disinterested as ever, did not comment as he leaned against the wall, watching Hange and Erwin drink tea and eat sandwiches with the new Queen.

Well ... was disinterested the correct word? Perhaps not. He wasn’t entirely disinterested in her, more disinterested in the prissy picnic that had been laid out for them by her fucking royal entourage which seemed intent on following her every move these days.

No. He certainly wasn’t disinterested in her. Something about the annoying, spunky brat had genuinely piqued his interest ever since the day she dared use his own words against him atop wall Sina as they prepared to take down her father’s Titan. Not just anyone would have the balls to do that to him. Especially when just a short time before, he’d threatened her by putting his hands around her neck.

And then there had been that punch. He rubbed his left arm subtly at the memory. Fucking brat, making him go soft.

“An Orphanage?”

Levi watched Erwin sit back, tea cup in hand. He took a sip from his own cup.

“Well ... that seems like a nice project, Historia. But I think there will be more pressing matters to attend to, first.”

She didn’t like that. Levi didn’t fail to notice the way her fists clenched around the cup in her lap.

“Don’t you think feeding the hungry mouths and clothing the bare backs of unloved children within the walls is a pressing matter, Commander?”

Levi’s brows rose at that, along with Hange’s. There was that fire he’d seen before kindling in her again.

Erwin appeared unperturbed, naturally. The smooth bastard just smiled. “Absolutely, Your Majesty. But take it from one who knows; in order to get what you want, you have to play the game a little first.”

Levi shifted, crossing his arms while still gripping his cup in his right hand. He knew exactly what Erwin was talking about. He’d seen him ‘play the game’ plenty of times. Levi wasn’t much of a game player, himself. They didn’t need another strategist when they had Erwin, and Hange. No; Levi was practicality, and action.

Historia placed her cup on the coffee table between them, knuckles white form the way she’s been gripping it.

“I absolutely understand what you’re saying, Commander. However, I’m also aware of the uneasiness the people of the walls feel at this time of unrest. They need a ruler now, more than ever, who will show them compassion and a lack of selfish intent.”

Fuck; fair play - she was good. He’d give her that.

“When I agreed to take this position,” her eyes met Levi’s fleetingly, “I realised I might be able to do some good with it. By doing so, I can also restore people’s confidence in the monarchy. I think it’s in everyone’s best interests that I be allowed to do this.”

Her eyes were a little wide, and there was no mistaking the way her shoulders rose and fell with rapid, nervousness breaths. Levi imagined she’d placed her cup on the table to prevent giving away how her hands shook as she addressed them. He was good at reading people in that way. None the less, her little speech sure did have impact - he’d give her that.

“Say that.”

They all turned to look at him, then, their faces suggesting they’d almost forgotten he was even still in the room. Tch.

“Sorry?” Historia was the first to speak.

“Say that in your meeting. Your words are good. Just don’t don’t look so much like a fucking cornered hare.”

Erwin cleared his throat. “I agree with Levi, in essence. You make a convincing argument. But I still think you need more leverage behind you. I’d offer to support the project, but with the reclamation effort now in full swing, I honestly just can’t spare any time or focus elsewhere. We’re stretched to breaking as it is to be prepared in time for our proposed mission date.”

Historia grit her teeth. “No - I understand.”

Hange looked apologetic. “Sorry, Historia. We realise this means a lot to you. Perhaps the government will agree that its pressing, and it can be placed on the agenda for a couple of month’s time?”

Levi felt sorry for the kid at that point. She’d been crowned Queen; she should be free to do as she damn well pleased. Except that wasn’t what had really happened, was it?

She was just their figurehead; the sweet young girl who would be the face of plans made by more jaded, old men. It was bullshit, really.

“Squad Leader Hange. With all due respect, pressing is putting it lightly. How many orphaned children from the slums of Ehrmich District; the cold streets of Trost; the Underground city below Mitras, will have starved to death, or met a worse end, by the time a few months pass? I can’t just stand by and let that happen. If it weren’t for my blood, that could have just as easily been me. Ymir got lucky - she was in the same situation. Others won’t be so lucky. I want to use this damn cursed blood to at least do some good!”

Her voice was hoarse with emotion by the time she’d finished speaking, but a particular part of what she’d said had caught Levi’s attention.

“You want to help the children from the Underground, too?” His brow was cocked as he looked at her.

“Yes,” she answered. “Of course. Why would they be any different?”

Well, fuck. She really was something, this pint sized blonde.

“I’ll do it.”

Erwin looked back around at Levi, frowning. “Hmm?”

“I’ll do it. I’ll be her leverage. The miserable old bastards might be swayed a little if they’ve got me glaring at them from across the room as well as little miss ray of fucking sunshine. Besides; your big ass brain already has Four Eyes to cook shit up with for our return to Shiganshina; you don’t need me lurking in the corner all day listening to you both prattle on. Sure I could be spared for a few hours a day.”

It was true. Levi’s input was always minimal at the planning and preparation stage - Erwin and Hange were a force hard to get your head around when they were together, scheming. Levi’s contribution was always most felt out in the field.

And she wanted to help the kids of the Underground. Little kids like Isabel. Kids like he’d once been.

They all looked at him like he had two heads. Including Historia.

“What the fuck are you all gawping at?”

“Er ...” Hange adjusted her glasses.                

“That works.” Erwin nodded once, finally.

“Good.” Levi turned his gaze to the young Queen. She looked a little full of herself suddenly. Excellent. She needed to drop that look for a start. “Let’s get them to agree to build you this shitty Orphanage, then.”

She shook her head. “Let’s convince them to build us this shitty Orphanage, Captain Levi.”

And she was smiling at him, like he’d given her some great gift. Tch. Stupid sunshine brat.

Sometimes it is hard being a pretty girl bc the constant meanness and or people simply trying to use you is very draining; for example every time I meet a guy I like it never ends well lol literally we are cool and romantic to each other and then next minute they end up “joking” about things I dislike or I feel is disrespectful, trying to use me for sex, ghosting me, or simply them out of the blue being very mean to me as a way to “humble” me 😞. Don’t get me started about the girls… trust me I love women with all my heart and support women ❤️ but the constant jealousy, envy, backstabbing, etc I don’t know who or what to trust anymore. I came to the conclusion that being alone, keeping things to myself, and loving myself is the only way I have to live a sane life. Peace Out 4 Now

(Edit) I also want to mention how on both genders whenever I confide with someone, my business is always is thrown back into my face as a “joke” or my business is told to other people

oh anne,

okay so i started this show after fifty years of seeing it float around here on tumblr and one of my closest friends grew up reading the books so i was familiar with the story. couple days ago i was looking for a new show to watch and was like “okie i’m going to start anne” and i’m so glad i did! i have to admit, the first episode was really long (but understandably) and i sort of let it play in the background while i unpacked. i found anne a bit annoying at first but after the second episode i was like, you know what? this little girl is INSPIRING. 

so here’s my hot take (that no one asked for lol)

**possible spoilers ahead**

anne CLEARLY has issues with anxiety, ptsd, and even some bits of mania, but the thing is, she doesn’t let that hinder her. she had such a horrible upbringing but learned to console herself with books and her imagination. it sounds a bit childish but if you really take the time to look at it, it’s quite beautiful. she was able to create something so wonderful despite her less than wonderful circumstances. she never uses her past as an excuse for anything and just views it as something that happened to her and led her to where she is now. 

and oh my goodness, the family dynamic between marilla, matthew, and anne! seriously one of the best television relationships i have ever seen. i love how cold and expressionless marilla is at first but she is one of the kindest, warmest characters i’ve ever seen. she doesn’t let anne get away with anything but does it reasonably and out of love. matthew is such a softie when it comes to anne, but he is just an overall softie towards everyone and i love that. anne just has that effect on everyone she meets because she is truly out of this world. which leads me to...GILBERT.

wow, what a cutie. i know it might seem weird to root for a couple that is so young, but just knowing that they do in fact end up together in the future makes this whole thing even more worthwhile. he is just so intrigued with her from the very beginning and i mean, i can understand why. anne is just so different from the other girls and really turns the town of avonlea upside down (in the best way!). and man, the way gilbert stares at her and challenges her and even the way he teases her is just so adorable. their relationship is so pure and they match each other so well! i’m so excited to see their relationship grows and watch them fall in ~lOvE~ 

now, the friendships on this show are amazing! if you know me at all, you know i’m a sucker for strong girl friendships. i’m sick of seeing girls pitting against one another, and i’m glad that for the most part, the girls on this show support and love one another! daina is the cutest and purest bean and i was hoping she wouldn’t be a stuck up rich girl when she was first introduced. (i’m glad i was wrong 2.5 seconds later!) she is EXACTLY what anne needs since she has never had a true friend and i’m so glad that she is there to support her and encourages her imagination and (sometimes) wild thoughts! ruby was a bit harder to warm up to but you know what? she is just a bit ignorant and i’m glad she has diana and anne to tell her what’s right + wrong. i think ruby has good intentions and she means well, and she is just such a cutie. i really couldn’t nOT like her, you know? and ugh, the rest of anne’s friends are super cute as well and i just love how anne brings her imagination and creative storytelling to the school + help stir up the rest of the kids’ imaginations as well. 

another thing i’m gonna touch base on is the topic of family. ugh, i love how this show teaches its viewers that family can be chosen as much as it is assigned by blood. and that sometimes, the ties that we choose to MAKE are often the strongest. of course, the main example would be the cuthberts. they are the least traditional family to say the least, with marilla and matthew never have begin married and anne being an adopted orphan, but their family dynamic is one of (if not THE) strongest bonds on the show. and i love them so much and want to protect them forever and ever!!! another example seen is at the end of season 2 with cole. he is such a talented, amazing kid but you can clearly see how depressed and out of place he feels with his own family. he can’t be his truest self and that really hinders him from being his BEST self. i’m so glad that he decided to live with Aunt Josephine at the end and CHOSE his family. HE CHOSE WHAT WAS BEST FOR HIM. lkajdflkjas 

and omg, i’m so glad aunt josephine played such a big role this season with all of the children. man, i aspire to be her. she is such a good influence on the children and i am really looking forward to learning more about her and her backstory! 

now i’m going to take a second to just rant a bit about the “antagonists” of this story. first off, MR PHILLIPS. i know this show is set in the 1800s but i COULD not handle the whole mr phillips x prissy thing. i know it was deemed “acceptable” back then but something about it always seemed disingenuous and wrong. (we learn later exactly why....) but man, the way he just took out his own internalized homophobia and anger at cole was just...IT WAS SNAPE LEVEL (AND THAT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT WHATSOEVER). for an adult to lash out on a child is never acceptable and lkajsflkd it just angered me so much. 

and bILLY OMG is every evil character just named billy? jesus, i could not stand that kid. he was truly a punkass for no real reason. (not that having a reason would’ve justified it) but i’m glad that cole still apologized to him and told him to think about why he destroys the things he does. and MAYBE that scene with the fox is hinting at a redemption arc of sorts in s3? i hope so...bc i’m sick of him pushing everyone around and calling everyone BUD. THEY ARE NOT YOUR BUD, BUD. 

ok last thing

when you think about the fact that this show is a children’s show, it makes the whole show even MORE amazing and out of this world. they tackle subjects such as feminism, mental illness, homophobia, racism, sexuality, bullying, and encourages kindness, imagination, reading, learning, and friendship. you might be thinking, “ugh this show is just trying to push its own liberal agenda” um excuse you, it is NOT. they don’t force it down your throat and are able to incorporate these topics in a natural, fitting way. it doesn’t stray from the storyline and fits really well into each episode. 

ALRIGHTY so that’s enough of extra shan for now

i’m so excited for season 3 and even though it’s airing in Canada first, i am willing to wait because this show deserves all the OFFICIAL views !!! 

i’ll try to avoid spoilers till then...

(random sidenote: i really wanna gif this show but have no idea where i can download the episodes...help...ajlfksdjla) 

ok toooooodles

Tim Meadows, why don't you Get pizza with me? I've asked you for over two years now, But you refuse my generosity.

You can choose the place, You can choose the taste, Of the toppings we'll share, But I always end up waiting, ’Cause you are never there.

Hey bitch, let me buy you pizza. Stupid bitch, let me buy you pizza. Fucking bitch, let me buy you pizza. Come on, bitch, you can't say no to pizza.

Tim Meadows won't let me buy him pizza. What's wrong with him? Free pizza is a rarity. Why doesn't he like pizza like me? Pepperoni. Parmesan cheese.

Hey bitch, let me buy you pizza. Stupid bitch, let me buy you pizza. Fucking bitch, let me buy you pizza. Come on, bitch, you can't say no to pizza.

They're throwing pies in the sky. Toss ’em high, catch that dough. I'll throw down, though, If Tim Meadows won't eat pizza for me, for free

I'd be like, Damn, bitch, fucking let me buy you pizza. I really can't believe you're turning down pizza Who could say no to a fresh slice of pie? Marinara, sigh, why I'm still alive.

Pizza is the one perfect thing in the world You're acting like a prissy girl who won't let me buy her pizza Come on, bitch, let me buy you pizza. Stupid bitch, let me buy you pizza.

I know you think that me getting you pizza Holds a secret agenda A sausage pizza is a must You probably think that I just wanna stuff your crust

But damn, bitch, let me buy you pizza! It's not about fucking! It's about pizza! It's not about fucking!

It's not about fucking! It's not about fucking! It's not about fucking! It's not about fucking!

Hey bitch, let me buy you pizza. It's not about fucking! Stupid bitch, let me buy you pizza. It's not about fucking! Hey bitch, let me buy you pizza. It's not about fucking! Stupid bitch, let me buy you pizza. It's not about fucking!

It's not about fucking! It's about pizza!

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Currently I’m sitting on my old roommates bed in my dorm that is now to myself. Because this dumb foreign bitch who is only spending a semester here from South Korea thinks she can test me. Don’t ever take pics of my side of the room and my personal shit mocking my lack of organization due to the fact I’m a messy depressed sloth. Tf hoe. And also don’t tell me I can’t have guys over IN MY BED. You mad I’m pulling niggas and you're not. You’re not my mom. Don’t text me and tell me to clean my side. This is college I have other shit on my agenda to worry about. And this bitch thought she could play me. LOL. Hoe. You a whole snitch. This 23 year old uptight goody ass bitch that offered to buy my underage ass beer dug through my trash and put my friends and I’s used plastic shot cups in a ziplock bag and turned it into the front desk literally 2 days after I moved in. What tf they gone do? Test it for alcohol and fingerprint it? I think the fuck not. The fact she was so proud when they didn’t care and just threw that shit out is a whole joke. Thank god I go to a ghetto ass college where the RA’s are cool. When my friend Z tried to fight a hoe for gossiping around campus talking shit RA’s at the front desk said “As long as it’s not on campus.” Also sidenote- don’t come to college on some petty ass high school shit. Ain nobody on that fuck shit. Three weeks in and I’ve already gained and lost friends because snakes go with the grass I cut. Anyways, now I have no roommate cause the little snitch bitch had to move out because I almost fought her, she had to bring our RA B to come help her move out because she was so scared. Cussed her ass out right in front of our RA. Zero fucks given. Good riddance. Also thank god the snitch was unaware of my bottles and bong on lock. Everyone here already knows me as the plug for bottles because I always got bottles. Courtesy of Walmart, and my big ass purse I steal them with. Somebody call Kodak and let him know I’m the real Finesse Kid. I’m still recovering from last night. What happened last night you ask? Woke up, beat my face, spent the last of my money at Walmart on notebooks, a rug and flowers for my dorm, and fabrics, etc. for a lingerie line my friend Z and I are planning to start. Time to get a job! Seriously considering becoming a stripper with Z. Yes, we signed up for pole dancing classes for tomorrow I guess we’ll see if we actually go through with it or not depending if we can find a bus there and back. Anyways, when we arrived back to the dorms from Walmart (after getting stranded and having Z’s ex fuck buddy’s friend covered in satanic looking ass Tatts pick us up because we missed the last bus back) we got dressed real cute to go to a hookah bar and invited our friend Kodak. His name Ain really Kodak but I call him Kodak because he looks like Kodak. Who we are all friends but I just found out likes me. I can only be friends and get along with guys fr but then they have to always go and catch feelings. The struggle is real. Anyways, we start walking to the hookah bar because it’s real close to campus downtown and on the way Kodak runs into one of his friends who decides to tag along. In a sketchy dark back alley Z changed out of her leggings and coat because it was cold into her cute outfit ready to make an entrance. Kodak and his friend waited for us in the parking lot. This drunk white guy with dreads creeps up behind Kodak’s friend who was ready to swing just to scare him. He apologizes for his dumbassery and we make our entrance into the hookah bar. We sit down and order our hookah and as we wait, the same white guy with the dreads walks up to us from the bar. He apologizes and introduces himself as a tattoo artist and offers to buy us all Henny shots. Hell yeah. He brings us the shots and when we all take them, a worker comes up to us and kicks us out for underage drinking (they marked our hands with x’s) when we just arrived and didn’t even get a chance to do what we came to do. Chill and smoke hookah. So we leave and say fuck it and go on the hunt for a party because it’s Saturday night and we’re in college so there’s bound to be a party. We heard about a party at The E (apartment complex of mostly college kids) without knowing the room. And also a party at a frat house. Last frat party we went to was a complete disappointment and groups of people we kept passing kept saying The E was the move. So you know damn well we went to The E. And let me tell you, The E was poppin. You walk in that bitch and you see drunk girls falling everywhere, fine niggas in flocks, hear music blasting. The first party we go to was alright. My girl Z was the only one throwing it back. And these prissy blonde little hoes with no ass wanna give judgmental looks because they can’t throw it back even if they wanted to. So we left the party on the 2nd floor for the party on the 4th floor. The second we exited the staircase onto the 4th floor because the elevators were packed was like the stairway into heaven. Music was blasting, drunk bitches were tumbling past, and there was a whole ass crowd waiting outside this one room. First thought was fuck this shit, but it was known there was a lit ass party in that room. And we had to be in there. We pushed past and as soon as we entered, we were apart of the best party I’ve been to ever. You see guys with their shirts off, niggas smoking on that loud, girls twerking on guys, throwing ass everywhere. This drunk girl got on the table and started yelling. You know, the shit you see in movies. And in that moment, we knew, we were the only practically sober ones there. We find our friend T and sit with her on the couch. Kodak’s friend stayed at the last party which wasn’t shit compared to this one, so his loss. Kodak sat on the couch arm chair and I was on the end with him, with him looking like he my man. I looked fly as fuck; rhinestone choker, off the shoulder black bodysuit, $60 ripped jeans with my face beat. Looking like a whole snack. And a full course meal. I recognize from across the room this guy Z and I met with his friend on campus whom we exchanged snapchats with. He goes by Chop (I’ll say that since it’s not his real name and use first letters for everyone who got a real name tf) and he been hitting on me on the snap. I knew he lived at The E with his friend L. I pointed him out to Z and she called him over with his dreads, tattoos, and grills. He leaned over and said something to him then he approached me. (Later I found out she told him I wanted him and he didn’t even recognize me or realize who it was smh) he starts talking to me and points out I look sober as fuck which was an unfortunate fact. He goes to grab me a drink and comes back with a plastic cup and I down that shit the second he hands it to me. Okay. I know. Before you point out how stupid I am, I know not to take drinks from guys. But I was in a fuck it mood. Which typically is the cause of my many mistakes and reasons for sticky situations. I handed the cup back to him and he turned it upside down to make sure I finished that shit. Z was sitting next to me and asked if I took that drink and pointed out that he made sure I finished it and how sketchy that looked and that he probably slipped me some shit. Z turns to T to tell T, then tells Kodak (we all still chilling on the couch). They’re all asking me why I took it and I’m sitting there like fuck. I tell them no matter what, to stay with me at all times and make sure we leave together so nothing happens to me in case this nigga tried to date rape me or some shit. And they were making me all paranoid. With that established and the fact there was nothing we could do because I already drank whatever the fuck he gave me, and the party was still lit we got up and started dancing. T was grinding, Z was twerking. Z got down on the floor and started twerking and got the whole parties attention everyone was recording that shit. I remember it hitting me fast and I felt super fucked up. When I first got to this party I saw Q (fine light skin) and tapped him on the shoulder to make my cute ass known. Back story about my history with Q: Z met Q on the app for our college so she invited him to hang with us. She went back home for the weekend leaving us alone together mid-hangout so we went and hotboxed his car. He called me pretty, said my skin was soft, and I sang him Love Galore in his car. He drove my high ass to Taco Bell, God bless. Tried to get me to come back to his room but instead I went to bed in my room, parting ways. A few days later Z was making me third wheel with her and B (her ex complicated boy fling) and we were bored and decided to go to the movies. Z dragged me down the guys floor hall and knocked on Q’s door for me to invite him. He agreed and came with us as an awkward unofficial double date. And by awkward I mean Z and B were hardcore making out and B was grabbing all over Z’s ass she was practically on top of him the entire movie. When I was just sitting next to Q and we were awkwardly watching the movie with zero contact. The most contact that went down is when I put my head on his shoulder during the end credits to see a funny video he was watching on his phone. BUT WAIT BACK UP!- upon entrance to the movies when we were buying our tickets Q patted his pockets and looked at me and went, “You paying?” TOTAL DICK MOVE. His excuse was, “But you invited me.” Nigga no. Then I’ll uninvite you tf. I was highkey salty at him the entire movie. And yes, I ended up paying for his expensive ass $10 ticket with my poor ass that I can never afford again and that is $10 I will never see again. Z told me stop talking to him, and I agree my standards should never be that low. What a total and complete douche. Not the same guy I met on the first night. Fast forward to two days before the party and Q almost fought with M. M is my unofficial boyfriend. Not my boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him (yes I came to college a virgin) and he’s the only guy I’ve been with, and between us let’s just say we’ve fucked a lot since then. Q and M almost fought because M knew I hung with Q and was being a jealous immature little boy and sending me snapchat videos of Q off guard in class making fun of him. It annoyed me what M was doing so I told Q and then Q started roasting tf out of M to me via text. There was tension and long story short shit almost went down but it didn't. (”You have niggas fighting over you!” -Z) Anyways, back to the party. My fucked up ass set on a mission to find Q at this party knowing he was here. I found him by the kitchen standing there just staring at the crowd looking like he was having no fun. I walked up to him not giving a single fuck this psychotic bitch I was best friends with the first two weeks of college was dancing right next to him with her new friends. I remember throwing my arms around him, being all up on him, putting his arms around me. I was a mess. Yikes. No matter how fucked up, he will never deserve me after that dick move he pulled. I barely remember this night and the order of events that happened next so bare with me. I remember turning up. Leaving, coming back, Z teaching me to throw it back at the bottom of the stairs before going back again. Then we left. Z took off her heels because her feet hurt and stepped on broken glass as we were walking down the steps outside. We sat on benches as she tried to pick it out, while she was doing that for some reason my stupid fucked up ass decided to call M. Honestly I don’t even remember what I was saying but according to Z, it was bad. I brought up Q, and was talking about other guys and Z told me M has feelings for me - which he has yet to confess to me but in the meantime proves I am a total and complete piece of shit. While on the phone with M, me paying no attention to him even though he was on the line different groups of guys kept approaching me and talking to me and asking for my snapchat. I have so many snapchat adds from guys that night, who knows whos who. Because I sure don’t. We ended up walking back to campus with the last group of guys that approached us. I remember one guy trying to come onto me hard and this white guy with a speech impediment telling me how good his plug was and showing me pictures of weed trying to get with me unaware how unattracted I am to white boys. I remember meeting up with my drunk friend A in front of the dining hall on campus who came from the frat party which apparently was crazy lit too, to go back to the party I just came from at The E, but then we heard word that all parties were shut down by the police because they were too lit. Which explained the cops coming up the stairs as Z and I were leaving (perfect timing). The girls (Z, A & I) and Kodak (who lives in the same dorm building as us) decided to go back to our dorms. The guys we were walking with tried to come back to our rooms and kept trying to get us to sign them in but we were like BOY BYE and ditched them at the door. Kodak and Z went to bed, A and I made our way to the basement and ate other peoples food from the public fridge (I know, I’m horrible).  Then I remember eventually making it to my room and crashing. I forgot to mention I was sweating bullets and was hot as fuck. All I wanted to do was party, hell I was even trying to twerk which doesn’t ever happen with my self-conscious petite ass. And I kept trying to go back to the party. Z said he definitely slipped me some shit and I heard word it was Molly. The world may never know. But no way was that just alcohol. Everything was a blur including this morning. And at least he didn’t date rape me. I did think it was weird he slipped me shit then ditched me. When I messaged him on snap that night after I left the party making it known it was me he kept trying to get me to come back and saying he would come pick me up which is weird. I passed. Moral of the story is, don’t take drinks from guys with grills. Or any guys for that matter. I slept until 3 pm today and Z and I were exhausted as fuck still recovering from last night. Today we walked around the hood, and came back to eat and crash. I’m sitting in bed ready to finish this so I can crash because holy shit I’m so exhausted. I have classes tomorrow I NEED TO GO TO. Three weeks into college (forgot to mention I’m a freshman and I’m 18) and I’ve only been to one class. I know it’s bad. My depression has just been really taking a toll. But I’m trying to not let it be the fall of me. I’m making it a priority to go tomorrow and from now on out. It’s going to be interesting to see ho I manage sewing in my Apparel Production class with these long ass acrylic nails. (I’m a fashion major btw). That’s my first class of the day that goes from like 10:30 am to 1 pm then I have Communications which I forget what time. Anyways, I’ll be there. And I know I’m fucked because I’m so behind. I have to be up early to beat my face and get breakfast & Starbucks with Z before class. After classes we have our pole dancing intro class which I’m interested to see if we actually go through attending or not. Then later M is coming over one last time. He’s in the army and I just found out he’s going to Florida to help with the hurricane for two months. Two fucking months. So much for a relationship. He wants me to wait for him. But it don’t be like that. This isn’t a relationship, I don’t know you and you barely know me. You took my virginity and we’ve been sleeping together and laying up in bed since. I only briefly mentioned my mom’s husbands abuse once. And he thinks he knows me. He likes me but doesn’t talk to me and gets jealous and acts like we’re in a relationship but doesn’t get to know me or tell me about himself nor does he ask. I’m not the same person I was a week ago, who knows what kind of change will occur in two months. I met M at college orientation a month before college. I approached him because I liked his tattoos (ITS ALWAYS THE TATTOOS THAT GET ME!!). The girl I used to be friends with the first two weeks of college called him over at the basketball court saying I was interested but too scared to talk to him. (not scared, just awkward. Plus he was in the middle of a game) he ended up asking for my number and things went from there. I’ve made it known I’m single though.  He hasn’t even attempted to cuff me fr so that’s on him. He doesn’t seem to realize I’m not your typical virgin. Or wasn’t. How am I supposed to do long distance with a guy that won’t even establish what we are. I’ll let him figure it out. However, I’ve had my eyes on this guy I keep running into. First two times on campus and the other two times on the city bus. He has a neck tattoo that’s how I’m always able to tell it’s him. He looks like a cross between Tay-K and YG so you already know whats up. Saw him on the city bus yesterday before that crazy night on my way to Walmart with Z. Z fell asleep next to me on the bus but when I saw him get on I immediately woke Z up. “Why the fuck did you wake me up?” She follows my gaze and, “Ohhh” Best Friend Intuition. “I’m going to go get him for you.” I kept telling her no but you know damn well she did. She gets up and walks down the bus and takes the seat right next to him. “My friend thinks you’re cute but is too scared to talk to you.” She kept trying to wave me over and I kept refusing, they were both staring and I realized now I’m looking stupid so I make my way over and sit in the seat in front of Z, turned towards him. It was mostly Z doing the talking and was honestly awkward for me. But she worked her magic and we followed each other on Instagram. He told me he’d DM me when he got to work (damn he makes a McDonald’s uniform look sexy). Don’t judge me. You’re judging me. But if you saw him you wouldn’t. When we were at Walmart he commented heart eyes on one of my pics then slid in my dm’s and asked for my #. I gave it to him and we’ve been texting. He’s real cute and sweet. Waiting on him to reply though wtf it was going good so him or his phone better be dead. Found out he doesn’t even go to our college but he be here. Probably I’m assuming he knows people. Also found out his name is J (using first initials only!) and he has a neck tattoo in the front center of his neck of a pair of dice and his name and apparently is in a gang and on probation with 4 charges. Okay daddy, I see you. It’s always the bad boys I have hella heart eyes for. If you’re not from the streets, I don’t want you. He looks like trouble, and trouble looks fine as hell. He told me to invite him to the next party here so you already know next weekend is about to be interesting. And he said he wants to chill with me on no fuck nigga shit sounding like a real MAN (M take note) and said I could even invite my friend Z to smoke and drink. So stay tuned because you already know whats up. But for right now, I need to go to bed and make sure I’m up and get to my classes.  It’s almost 1 am which means I should be downing coffee after coffee by breakfast. The life of a girl from the hood in a new hood, in college. 

xo babygirl hemingway