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#the philosopher's pupil
derangedrhythms · 10 months
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My holy place is [him]. And it is an abomination.
Iris Murdoch, from 'The Philosopher's Pupil'
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howifeltabouthim · 2 years
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Sometimes I feel so sad — when I go to bed — I feel . . . just so relieved to become unconscious — it's like wanting to be dead.
Iris Murdoch, from The Philosopher’s Pupil
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strykerlancer · 1 month
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Come and hold my hand. I'm full of darkness today.
— Iris Murdoch, from “The Philosopher's Pupil.”
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suzitaree · 1 year
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Magical Confession. (S. Sallow x reader)
I saw @derangedrhythms post a quote from The Philosopher’s Pupil ''but I wanted to keep you as something precious and I didn't dare to be too close to you.'' and got inspired to write it in a story. As always only fluff hope you enjoy :)
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Y/N was a fellow student at Hogwarts, and Sebastian had been infatuated with her since the day they met. She was intelligent, kind, and had a fierce spirit that Sebastian found captivating. Despite his feelings for her, he had always kept his distance, fearing that his love for her would be unrequited.
One day, as Sebastian was studying in the library, Y/N approached him. She had a map in her hand and a mischievous glint in her eye. "Sebastian," she said, "I need your help with something."
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Sebastian was taken aback by her sudden appearance but couldn't help feeling a rush of excitement at the prospect of spending time with her. "Of course, Y/N," he replied, "What can I do for you?"
Y/N explained that she had discovered a secret passage that led outside of Hogwarts, and she wanted to explore it. She asked Sebastian if he would accompany her on the adventure. Sebastian hesitated at first, worried about getting her in trouble, but he couldn't resist the opportunity to spend time with Y/N.
As they set out on their adventure, Y/N led the way while Sebastian followed closely behind. They walked through dark corridors and secret passageways until they finally emerged outside of Hogwarts. They found themselves in a beautiful forest, surrounded by trees and wildlife.
Sebastian couldn't believe his luck - he was finally alone with Y/N in a magical forest. He wanted to tell her how he felt but was too afraid to do so. "Y/N," he said tentatively, "I want you to know that I care about you a great deal."
Y/N turned to him, her eyes bright with curiosity. "What do you mean, Sebastian?" she asked.
"I mean," Sebastian replied, "that I've always had feelings for you. But I wanted to keep you as something precious, and I didn't dare to be too close to you."
Y/N smiled at him, and her hand found its way into his. "Sebastian," she said, "you don't have to keep your distance. I feel the same way about you."
Sebastian's heart skipped a beat as he looked into her eyes. He couldn't believe that his love for her was finally being reciprocated. They spent the rest of the day exploring the forest, talking, and laughing together.
As they made their way back to Hogwarts, Sebastian felt a sense of joy and contentment that he had never experienced before. He knew that he had found someone truly special, and he couldn't wait to see where their adventures would take them next.
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shadeswift99 · 2 years
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You know, every once in a while I think I am a complex and mature person with changing interests, and then I think about the Minecraft void for 0.5 seconds and my brain makes a sound like a squeaky toy
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the-final-sentence · 1 year
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I also had the assistance of a certain lady.
Iris Murdoch, from The Philosopher’s Pupil
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mnic313 · 3 months
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"Sometimes I feel so sad — when I go to bed — I feel . . . just so relieved to become unconscious — it's like wanting to be dead."
—Iris Murdoch, from The Philosopher’s Pupil
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hybridreviews · 1 year
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Anime DISCOVERY & TIME of the SEASON Present: The WORST Anime of 2022
The bullshit commences!!!
Well, 2022 was something of a year for anime. Maybe some things for the best and yet for the worst. This is the year that the Funimation brand is gone and absorbed into Crunchyroll as they now have a monopoly on the anime game since they also gotten RightStuf and it’s getting kind of tiresome at this point. Yeah, I know AMC Holdings has gotten Sentai Filmworks/HiDive but that honestly worked out…
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honeyedmiller · 3 months
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Dawn’s First Light | Joel Miller
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pairing: joel miller x f!reader
rating: 18+, minors dni
warnings: jackson!joel, super fucking soft!Joel, sickeningly sweet fluff, joel is philosophical for .2 seconds in this, smut (f oral receiving, unprotected piv), praise, a whole lotta softness, sweet pet names, no use of y/n.
word count: 1.6k
synopsis: joel tells you he loves you for the first time.
a/n: i literally whipped this up so quick after i reblogged the post that had a quote from jean-paul sartre’s no exit. hope you enjoy.
divider by @saradika-graphics
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Soft. 
Soft was the first thing you felt as you woke up, then, rough. 
Coarse hairs dragged across the velvety skin of your thighs. Your eyes slowly fluttered open and you squinted, your pupils slowly welcoming the winter morning sun shining through the curtains of your shared bedroom. 
A hot tongue licked at your skin, up up up until it met your already sopping core. You gasped softly, relishing in the feeling of your boyfriend waking you up in the most delicious way possible. 
Early on in your relationship, you both agreed that getting awoken in such a way would be no problem whatsoever. 
Joel was meticulous with his tongue, the strong muscle taking its time as he worked it through your folds and into your entrance, then back up to circle your clit. His plush lips latched onto your swollen bud, and you cried out his name in pleasure. 
You moved the comforter down that he was buried under until you uncovered his head, nestled perfectly between your thighs as he lapped away at your slick core. You bit your lip as you stared down at him, blunt nails digging into the soft of your flesh as he took his time with you. 
Every sense in your body was heightened, spine tingling as you felt the slow pull of an impending orgasm. Joel’s eyes flicked open, gaze trailing up your bare body until his eyes locked onto your face. 
Your jaw was slack, pupils blown wide and eyebrows threaded together. He offered a small smirk as he kept working you, loving the way you writhed underneath his expert tongue. 
Your hand slid down to intertwine your fingers with his soft locks of thick, graying hair. He moaned into you as you pushed his face closer to your aching, pulsing core, grinding your hips up to match the rhythm of his tongue. 
He releases one of your thighs and moves his fingers up, detaching his mouth from you as he slides his thick digits through your glistening folds. 
“Mornin’ baby,” He breaths, a smirk stretched onto his slick-coated lips. You moan softly as he easily slides a finger into you, burying it down to the first knuckle. “Taste so goddamn good, darlin’. Sweeter ‘n honey.” He’s nearly breathless and his words are slurred with sleep. He kisses your thigh and slowly adds a second finger into you. 
“Joel,” You’re a whimpering mess, and he fucking loves it. 
“Tell me what y’want, baby. Tell me n’ I’ll give it to you.” 
“You,” You gasp, grinding your hips into his hand desperately. “I want you.” 
“I’m yours.” He whispers, leaning down again to suckle on your pulsating clit, pumping his fingers in and out of you at a delectable pace. He curls his fingers up, hitting that sweet spot inside you that had you squelching and moaning and fucking crying. You were a mess under him, trying so hard to catch your breath as that warmth that bloomed within you shot up your spine. 
Reality crashed down around you as your orgasm washed over your entire being, hips stuttering from his tongue cleaning up everything you gave him. 
“So perfect.” He says, kissing your thighs before trailing his slick lips up your body, licking your sternum before placing chaste kisses on both of your breasts. 
You tug on his hair gently as he flicks his tongue over your skin, wrapping his mouth around your nipple for a few seconds before moving to the other. He releases you from his mouth before he kisses your neck, biting down on your pulse point ever so slightly before kissing your jaw, your forehead, your nose, and finally—your lips. 
“My sweet girl,” He breathes, forehead resting against yours. “Did you sleep well?” He asks, cradling your cheek in his large hand. You nod and smile up at him, bringing him down for another kiss. 
“I did. What a nice way to wake up, too.” You giggle, and he smiles before kissing your nose. 
“My favorite way to wake you up, besides the multiple kisses.” 
Joel Miller normally wasn’t a soft man. It’s you who made him this way, just for you. It’s you who only got to see this loving, caring side of him. 
You, who’d charmed him with your wit and sense of humor and your pure tenderness. He had come into Jackson only a few weeks after your arrival, so you both navigated this life—this safe, luxurious bite at the cherry—together. 
He’d easily taken a liking to you. It started off with sitting with each other in the mess hall for meals, then he’d walk you to work when he could, and then it turned into him confessing his feelings for you after he’d had a tough patrol one spring day. 
From then on, the two of you seemed nearly inseparable. Jackson was a safe grounding—a haven—for many, if not all residents here. 
Joel was yours. 
Joel’s lips on your forehead drew your attention back to him, and you offered a soft grin as your nails trailed down his thick torso. You reached the tuft hair above his cock, hard and leaking pre come. Your lips curled into a saccharine smile, giving his silky flesh a few tugs before swiping your thumb over his slit. You brought your thumb into your mouth and sucked on it, humming at the salty taste of Joel. 
“Need you, baby.” His voice is strained, and you move your hand back down to slide his heavy cock through your folds to coat him with your slick. 
“I’m yours.” You repeat his words, and he kisses your forehead once more as he pushes into you. He sits up, hands grabbing your hips. He circles his thumbs into your warm skin, pushing and pulling himself in and out of you at a languid pace. 
You grasp onto his thick thighs, always needing to be touching him in some way. 
“Feel so goddamn good, baby. My sweet girl. Takin’ me so well, honey—shit. That’s it.” Joel murmurs his words, eyebrows pinching together as you rut your hips up to meet his every thrust. The friction of his coarse hair at the base of his cock on your clit is otherworldly, eyes rolling back at the sensation of pure bliss. 
Joel’s pace picked up, maneuvering himself so he was hovering over you. He gripped onto your ankles and tossed them over his shoulders, gripping onto your flesh for dear life. He kissed the inside of your lower calf, grunting and puffing air as he moved his hips expertly. 
“Joel, fuckfuckfuck, please don’t stop.” You cry as he pistons into you at that perfect angle—the one that has you seeing the whole goddamn galaxy. 
“My perfect girl. You’re so beautiful. So, so beautiful. I—fuck,” Joel groans, moving a thumb down to swipe over your sensitive clit, making you gasp loudly. 
The sensation is almost too much, but it’s a welcoming devastation of bliss that ripples through you when that heat shoots through your body once more. 
“Can feel you—shit, yeah—I can feel you sweetheart. Let go. I got you.” Joel’s desperate voice reverberates off of the bedroom walls, trying his damndest to hold off on his own release until you come first. 
Just as he’d thought, it wasn’t far off at all. You cried his name repeatedly as the euphoric feeling overtook your body. 
JoelJoelJoel. 
Everything about him was all-consuming as you convulsed around his cock. A string of curses spilled out around his clenched teeth and through his lips, pulling out of you as thick spurts of his come landed on your stomach. 
He puffed air into your leg, kissing it one more time before looking down at you. Gorgeous: fucked out, glossy eyes and a smile that could end wars. 
He knew. Right then, he knew. 
He loves you. 
He has to tell you. 
He gently set your shaky legs down onto the bed, getting up to retrieve a wet washcloth to clean you up. Once the warm washcloth was carelessly tossed onto the floor somewhere, he climbed back into bed with you and slung his arm around you so you could cuddle into him. He carefully pulled the comforter up again, covering your bodies. 
Your hand played with the fingers of his hand that was slung over your shoulder, an unforgettable serenity wrapped around the two of you in that moment. 
“Much more likely you’ll hurt me,” Joel starts, voice gruff, “Still what does it matter? If I’ve got to suffer—” He pauses, bringing your free hand up to his lips to lay a gentle kiss on your knuckles. “It may as well be at your hands, your pretty hands.” 
“Sartre.” You say softly. He nods. 
“I love you. I love you so much that it fucking hurts. I—I couldn’t imagine living this life without you, anymore. You’re my person.” His voice is a whisper. 
Your eyes fill with tears, and you look up at him. He has a hopeful look in his eyes, and you saw that familiar thing flash within them. You never knew what that thing was, until now. 
Love. 
This man loved you. 
Just as you loved him. 
“I love you too, Joel. There’s no one else on this damned planet that I’d rather be with than you.” 
He kisses you tenderly, and you pull away with a whisper to your lips. 
“There may be more beautiful times, but this one is ours.” You quote to him, rubbing your nose against his gently. 
“Sartre.” He says. You nod. 
You kiss him once more, dawn’s first light now a shining beacon of pure hope… and love. 
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tags: @party-hearses ; @ilovepedro ; @nostalxgic ; @cool-iguana ; @punkshort ; @undrthelights ; @pascalpvnk ; @joelsgreys ; @amanitacowboy ; @pamasaur ; @bastardmandennis ; @tinygarbage ; @javierpena-inatacvest ; @mrsmando
(if you’d like to be added or removed from the taglist, please let me know!)
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glystenangel · 10 months
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Hi! I would love to request a Sukuna x Sorcerer Reader oneshot where the reader gets called in to help to fight against Sukuna. When the reader arrives to fight, Sukuna took a liking towards her and flirts with her while fighting. Also, this would be enemies to lovers, smut and romance, a spicy vibe to it, and I'm okay with you posting this oneshot publicly ^^ - ☀️💖👑
In the Heat of Battle
Sukuna x Sorceror&Afab!Reader
tags/warnings: 18+ MDNI, everything in the ask but also i did this in a historical au bc...i like them, sitting in a hot spring with sukuna, SEX, cunnilingus, degradation/praise, edging😇, dirty talk, cussing, ridin', bratty reader, cumeating, sukunas got his 4 arms, half smut half fluff, i get a bit philosophical in the middle sorry, mentions of murder, injuries, and blood, etc.
~ 10k i got a lil too excited mayhaps bc this is not oneshot length but whatever
thanks for requesting, i hope you like<3
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Fighting a curse like Sukuna meant you were lucky to be alive for this long.
Of course, you never had much need for luck.
“Ooh, so close.” Sukuna laughs into an effortless dodge, so agile that you can feel the air gliding underneath your palm for an irritatingly brief moment.
His voice is deep and so closely threaded with power the entire town practically shudders with the sound. 
“I’ll get you next time.” You spit, gritting your teeth and preparing yourself for the next series of attacks.
Sukuna opens his hands wide, “You can have me anytime you want.”
Ever since you got called into battle, your opponent took it upon himself to flirt with you more than he fought with you. Even as you beat him to a pulp, he would persist. It was nothing short of maddening.
You glare at him, cursed energy coursing through you as you ready yourself once more, “Shut up already!”
“Hm,” He licks the ivory tip on one of his canines with a rough stroke of his tongue, as if savoring the threat, “Happy to have a pretty girl like you shut me up too.”
“I’ll shut you up for good, and you won’t like how I do it. Trust me.”
“Come on, sweetheart. You’re good, but good enough to beat me? Be honest with yourself-”
Before he can finish, the cursed spirit’s neck is in your hands and you’re relishing the way his pupils shrink in alarm at your successful grab. Despite his shock, Sukuna manages to minimize any possible damage by dragging you with him as his body is forced backwards from the impact of your ambush. The instinctive maneuver is enough to pull you into the wall with him.
Rubble from the area you and Sukuna crash into cascades around your fallen figures. The fear of injury stings through your body, and you only register it when you instinctively push out your arms to get yourself back on your feet.
“Not so fast.” Sukuna’s arms entangle you again, and you belatedly realize he had landed beside you. 
He also rises to his feet more quickly than you can, pinning you to the chalky remains of the wall and sneering at your frantic clawing along the tops of his knuckles.
You hazily hear the gravelly reverberation of Sukuna’s laughter, and return to the rest of your senses, “Get the fuck off me!”
“Watch your temper.” 
He keeps you in his grip with his four arms, and you continue to struggle in their collective grasp. The veins of his arms are tense and pronounced from the rest of his olive skin.
“...And your modesty.” He pinches the hem of your collar between a few fingers, the tease emphasized by the slide of fabric across your skin. 
The heat that follows the motion enrages you.
Sukuna looks down at you with continued bemusement, and you follow his line of sight to find your shirt ripped open.
There’s a slight wrinkle in his nose that indents into the small black slash across it, and it’s caused by the smug expression on Sukuna’s face. His grin seems to have a cunning bite to it, and the corners perfectly complement the shape of his jaw.
As much as you hate to admit it, he has a nice smile. Nice enough to make your heart skip a beat.
Too bad you had to get rid of it.
Wrestling him to the ground, the impact leaves you breathless and a loud ringing enters your ears subsequent to you rolling yourself onto your back. You must have slammed your head, because you can feel the back of your scalp becoming sore. 
Out of the corner of your eye, you notice your fellow sorcerers retreating and collecting the wounded. After your requested arrival, you had been exchanging violent maneuvers with Sukuna for what felt like hours.
In reality, you know that it probably hadn’t been any more than 10 minutes since you tackled the curse and began delivering blows with your curse abilities. 
Everything is on fire.
You have to finish the job.
“Looks like you hurt yourself pretty good.” You hear through your blurring vision, “Can you keep going?”
What?
Part of you strains to hear, and the other half retains enough instinct to push away Sukuna’s broad shoulders as he approaches.
You’re still trying to land attacks as your consciousness fades and he catches each one, making you resist even more and inadvertently expend your remaining energy.
“Stop. You’re cute for trying but don't.” He snarls.
A nice, square blow to his cheek grants you some satisfaction as you finally lose consciousness.
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When you wake up, dozens of local sorcerers and townspeople are flocked to your side and hurriedly checking your vitals from where you lay on the ground.
“How long was I out?”
“About a minute.” A villager answers, dusting the debris off of your clothes.
“It’s fine, I’m fine.” You brush them off, the pounding in your head matching the one in your chest.
Although dazed, you scan beyond the crowd for any trace of Sukuna.
“He’s gone, don’t worry.” Someone says.
Even so, you contine to look for him.
Though you’re not sure why.
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In spite of your bewilderment, you continue to search for Sukuna throughout the days succeeding the fight.
However, he seems to be searching for you too.
As luck would have it, he finds you first.
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You dunk your wounds in the warm water, trying to relax into the hot spring and let the steam clear your mind.
Thanks to a healing sorcerer named Shoko, most of your wounds were able to be skillfully closed up, but they seem to still ache as though they were fresh.
So, you had ventured into the woods to the secret hot spring you had found years ago. The countryside was littered with them, and this one was your favorite due to the privacy brought by the trees and the soothing temperature. You were convinced that it had some sort of healing properties due to the mineral content that clouded the water, but you didn’t expend too much thought on that theory.
No one else seems to know about it either, so you trust the serenity of your secret hiding place enough to rest your head on the rocks and drift off.
As sleep begins to kiss your eyelids, a nearby rustle has them snapping back. You freeze, not wanting any splashing to alert the possible intruder.
Breathing slowly, you scrutinize the area that appears to be the source of the noise. You feel your battle worn joints scream in protest, but your gut instinct tells you that you may have to prepare to defend yourself.
The shadows of the trees drag over a tall figure, and your eyes widen at the familiar outline.
“Oh shit.”
Your thoughts mirror the words delivered by that unmistakable voice ingrained in your recent memory.
It’s Sukuna.
He has a bruise trailing along his jawline, and you recognize the blooms of purple as your handiwork among the other scrapes and scars dotting his person. It seems most of them have healed less neatly than yours have. Sukuna takes a step forward, and you note that he has a limp in his gait. The robes he wears are clean however, ivory and slate gray in color, seemingly too pure for someone as malicious as him. He rotates his neck and shoulders, the movement of those broad muscles prompting the stretch and pull of his pecs. His eyes stay trained on yours, the color of autumn leaves burning into your wary hues. Even with his obvious injuries, his presence brings chills to your body. He still looks strong. 
The sudden appearance has you ducking lower into the misty water with a not so subtle splash.
“Don’t look!”
You internally wince at your unplanned plea, expecting him to laugh or roll his eyes, but it only makes him pause.
The struggling rise and fall of your chest becomes ignored as you make out his face through the steam, which lacks emotion or mercy of any sort. 
Then, he covers his eyes with a large hand draped over the bridge of his nose.
“Okay.” Sukuna says, the agreement is accommodating yet inflected with a nonchalance that forces you to blink hard.
Another silence falls over you both, and you place a hand on one of the stones bordering the pool. Tufts of grass poke between the coarse gray, and you can feel a few get caught under your knuckle white grip.
You can’t fight him like this, so you have half a mind to run.
The thought is interrupted when the curse speaks again, “Can I come in?”
The ask jolts you back into that perilous place between fight or flight, “No fucking way!”
“I’ll keep my eyes to myself, promise.” 
No irony laces his speech, and true to his word, his eyes remain covered. 
Before you can retort, he says again, “Besides, I don’t think either of us are in any condition to fight…you more so than me. Don’t you agree?”
His lips move beneath the curve of his hand, and you follow the shape of them with little interest. They’re split with a line of scabbed blood, and his hand has green bruising patched over the back of it.
He somehow looks worse than you do. 
“I don’t think you’re in any condition to insult me either.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
The water continues to rush over your body, and you feel it easing the tension within. Nature eroding every facet of pain into smooth relief. 
It would be a first for you to share such consolation.
“Fine. But, don’t come near me. Or look.” You acquiesce, though just in case you assume a stance that resembles offense somewhat.
Honestly, you feel ridiculous.
Sukuna smiles widely, and then he continues walking until he senses the edge of the water by the heat on the bottoms of his feet. You briefly shield your own eyes when he disrobes, and he slips into the opposite side of the spring so gracefully you wonder if he’s secretly peeking through his fingers. His sheer mass displaces some of the liquid, and it hits your shoulders as he settles in.
Once he’s waist deep, and to your surprise, he turns away to rest his chin over crossed arms. His other two arms swim through the spring, feeling what little current there was running across his palms.
Feeling awkward, you do the same, but periodically look back to see if he wasn’t going to rip your heart out from behind.
His back is lined with deep grooves of strength and the dark marks tattooed onto his skin, water puddling over the dips and then spreading thin into glossy sheens as it evaporates.
Your throat wets with saliva at the magnificent view.
Every part of Sukuna seems perfectly sculpted to fight and conquer. A sadistic culmination of poetry in motion.
You examine your own figure wrought with power and evidence of your training. The same water decorating him was lapping at you too.
An even match, you think.
“You’re being awfully quiet, getting dirty thoughts about me already?”
The croon shifts your focus, and you whip around to flick water between his shoulder blades. The shot hits its target, though he hardly seems to register the miniscule shot.
What an annoying guy.
“Hey. Don’t make me come over there.”
“I’d like to see you try.” You roll your eyes and return your sights to the treeline when you sense movement behind you.
As soon as your peripheral picks up on Sukuna rushing towards you, you manage to lift your hands in time to catch Sukuna’s.
Large globs of water hang off of the thick elbows he hoists into the air, the liquid trickling down to his ribs and then rippling the surrounding water. His height is nothing short of monstrous as you glower at the smirking curse.
Moisture is also loosely braided into his petal hued hair, which glistens in the sunlight before fading into a dark, cropped shadow around his ears and above his neck. He looks…different up close and without the rigid aura of battle.
Your fingers interlock tightly together, no words easing the moment. Speaking seems impossible, and the prolonged clasp has you swallowing hard.
The stare Sukuna uses to capture your eyes is unreadable. Every secret you’ve ever held seems to be pulled nearer, threads sinking into the garnet depths like those fabled red strings of fate. However after scanning down your neck and then back up to your face, a satisfied glint emerges.
“That’s what I thought.” He tuts, as if disappointed, “You humans have no conviction. Pathetic little creatures.”
With that, he lets out a wolfish chuckle and releases you. The amusement fades in the air as he goes back to his previous seat, the broad shape of his back facing away from you once more.
The silence holds for a while, just the gurgle of water and occasional slosh from you or Sukuna cupping water over yourselves.
Only the damned curse behind you seems to like taking the lead in breaking each quiet stretch of time.
“So, you really gonna kill me?” 
You sigh, running a hand over your cheek, “I hope so.”
“Don’t you want to get it over with? I’m right here.”
You chance another glance at him from over your shoulder, resting your temple on a fist.
Sukuna doesn’t move. You can’t see his face or imagine what kind of expression is laid across it.
All you see are the slashes you inflicted upon him, and the slightly pink scars beneath from past sorcerers who died in their attempts to rid the world of Sukuna’s terror once and for all.
As if he can feel where you’re gawking, he scratches the spot with a long black nail and lets out a discontent mumble.
Oddly enough, you find him both pitiful and loathsome. He won’t live for much longer, and surviving that final brawl certainly won’t leave you untouched. Once you take his life, you highly doubt that you’ll be able to keep yours for much longer after that.
There is an intimacy in knowing that you’ll die with someone. That you will be the last person each one will feel under each other’s hands and see as you draw the same, last breath.
Because of that, you find that you can’t look at him anymore.
“I don’t want it to be like this.” You finally admit, cutting the disdain from your voice and tapping the top of a stone.
The smile on his countenance is something you swear you can hear now, “We’ll keep this a secret then, yeah?”
“What secret?”
“This place, stupid.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Well, you’re acting like it. Now me? If I were you, I would’ve reached over and snapped my neck. Injuries be damned. I get it though, must be that so-called honor you humans adore indulging in. Can’t say it hasn’t infected me unfortunately, I didn’t really feel like finishing you off after you hit your head either. It would’ve been an empty victory. Pretty lame way to get out of it if I’m being honest.”
You tilt your head with a squint, searching for his eyes again and finding them as he drops his head back to send you a cheeky simper. 
“Just saying.”
You tear away from him, sinking into the water before rising again to rearrange the soaked strands of your hair.
“I won’t kill you, yet.”
“Well then,” Sukuna preens, derision oozing into his cadence, “I’m looking forward to your next attempt.”
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You and Sukuna begin to meet there consistently.
Just until you heal, you promise yourself.
It isn’t even as though every meeting is on purpose, he just so happens to be in the area when you are.
A wordless, regular cadence where you bathe and Sukuna does the same, except you stay back to back.
At first, you don’t break apart the silences by bringing up sorcerers or most other related circumstances, it just comes off much too taboo.
You also didn’t want to give him any advantages for future fights.
So, you talk about everything else.
What the clouds are shaped like, his philosophies on the world, your hometown.
Sukuna knew quite a lot, you suppose due to his years spent roaming the country.
It makes you more and more curious about how he came to be what he is. You try to not address it, but it gnaws at you. Dancing at the tip of your tongue.
He seems to feel the same way, being quite frank and open with his own questions and replies.
Despite your efforts, one day Sukuna offhandedly mentions that he was once a sorcerer.
Just like you.
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“All you sorcerers are the same. You lie to yourselves and everyone around you.” He rolls a pebble between his fingers and occasionally tosses it in the air.
You can see it arc over the top of his head, plummet down and start again. Sukuna had begun this cycle as soon as you had said something he disagreed with, likely something banal and harmless like how helping the weak is what sorcerers do.
“You make so many baseless assumptions, do you ever get tired of jumping to conclusions so often?”
“Baseless?” The pebble falls and he swipes it into his hand, “Not at all. I used to be a sorcerer, so I can make all the fucking assumptions I would like.”
That piques your full interest.
You openly stare at him now, ignoring the pounding in your ears from such an arbitrary, shared confession.
“So why do you do it?”
“What?”
“Everything.”
He shrugs, and it’s all loose heaves of muscle in that small gesture.
“I want power.”
“For what?”
“Same reason anyone probably does. Isn’t that why you’re a sorcerer? For power to do with what you want?”
He crosses his arms behind his head, leaning to look at you as he rests back on the woven appendages.
The insinuation makes you press your lips together before speaking.
“Yes, but not like you. You kill innocent people, sorcerers and nonsorcerers alike, and you show complete disregard for them. It’s hateful.”
“I don’t hate them,” Sukuna meets your eyes, and you dutifully ignore the burning scarlet held within them, “They’re just in my way. Plus, innocence is subjective. Don’t act like sorcerers or humans you know haven’t thought the same. Done even worse.”
“Well, not on the mass scale you have.”
“Not that you know of.” He scoffs.
“Do you know? Since you used to be a sorcerer and seem to know every goddamn thing about it-”
“I know because I killed those sons of bitches years ago.” His hands fall back into the water, “Look, I’m no saint, we’ve established that. But is having strength so evil? Sorcerers and curses know what that answer is, we’re just waiting to see who will get out of the way first. After that, who knows what will happen. Whoever wins will decide what is considered right, and that’ll be it.”
Sukuna hums in thought, and then rolls his shoulders back with a grumble.
“Whether that includes heart or morals, who fucking cares. The definitions keep changing anyway.”
You scowl at his aloof attitude, “I like the kinder definitions.”
The rebuttal has Sukuna’s nose scrunching with revulsion, “No offense, but there’s hundreds completely different from it. Doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.” 
The argument comes out like your heart bared between your teeth.
Sukuna is firm as he looks down his nose at you, “You aren’t the world.”
As if you expected him to say otherwise.
Even so, the snide point hits its mark, “I never said I was. I’m no saint either, but I like to think the world can be much more than you described.”
“It’s not. This is all we got.” He opens his hands wide, and the sun weaves through his fingers.
Flashes of verdant trees and distant villages scattered below snow capped mountain tops dance across the edges of his arms.
Unspeakable beauty that you swore to protect.
“It’s all you’ve got.”
You raise your chin, absorbing the outlines of the villages before whipping your head back to the grimacing curse.
“You’re right, we’re going to constantly be keeping the balance between sorcerers, humans, and curses. It’s precarious and annoying as all hell, but these are people’s lives. You may think they’re weak, but to know the world is terrible and yet choose to live among all of the curse related incidents and regular bullshit anyway is power. And what are you doing? Sure, what are some sorcerers doing? Preying on that bravery while hiding behind some preconceived notion of what power really is and what it should give them. You may try to twist your logic into justifying that humans are in the way or useless to the overall battle between stronger forces outside of their control, but my god is that not fucking exhausting and pointless as well? That’s great for you if you don’t mind it, but I do. Kill, don’t kill. If it truly doesn’t matter- If it’s all the same, why do any of it? Why choose to intentionally perpetuate more suffering if it’s going to happen without your help? You’re just- It’s fucking despicable, you know that?”
Anger burns the back of your throat and flushes your forehead with thin perspiration. 
“Maybe,” You finally say, “Yes, we are the same. I’ve done awful, irreversible things. Killed when it wasn’t necessary, but I still try. I want to keep trying to be better for the people who deserve it. Like this village. Can you understand that?”
The water stills with a silence so palpable you can feel it pressing on your chest. The spray of steam relieves little tension with its hushed puffs into the solemn, thickened air.
You don’t say anything more, and eventually Sukuna leaves the hot spring.
_________________
He doesn’t return for days.
You don’t mind it.
In fact, you hope it stays that way.
You entertain the thought with a smile, ruffling the ends of your hair to shake the water out.
The amusement follows you as you walk through the forest back home, but then you hear a noise in the trees.
“Sukuna?”
As soon as you say the name, you cover your mouth as if you’ve just accidentally uttered a secret meant only for the dead to hear. Your shoulders tense up by your ears, and you stop in the middle of the forest floor. You wait, doing your best to listen past the chirp of birds and the overbearing rhythm in your chest.
The wind is the only answer you get, however, so you manage to relax until you hear a twig snap.
You jerk your head around, and that’s when the air rushes out of your chest.
Of course, it’s him.
It’s always him.
You’re beginning to toy with the idea that this forest is haunted by an emptiness, save for you two.
“Hi.” 
Sukuna waves in a casual manner more adjacent to two friends who had unexpectedly run into each other at the market rather than a curse and the sorcerer tasked with hunting him.
“What?” You glare, crossing your arms over your chest.
“It’s very nice to see you too.”
That cheeky comment makes you roll your eyes, “Move or speak, I don’t care which one you choose.”
“You’re so scary, you know that?” He leans in close, showing all of his teeth and mimicking curling his fingers into claws around his jaw.
Another glare.
“Fine, fine.” Sukuna throws his hands up in exasperation, and then scratches the top of his head.
“Yes?”
The curse rolls his shoulders back, shifting his weight between his feet.
He seems…nervous. But that can’t be right.
The uncertain revelation is startled out of your mind by his next few words, “I was thinking about what you said. You were right.”
The words rush out in jilted succession, like he forced them to escape before he held them in for the rest of his days.
You can only stare at him, and his eyes seem stuck on yours. Like he’s searching for something akin to approval.
“A child was lost in the woods here yesterday. I came across it and…it asked if I was a bear.” He laughs at the memory, and the sound of it without any sort of mirth or irony was unnervingly pleasant and normal.
“Such a feisty little thing, calling me a rude beast and demanding a piggyback ride home to their mother. Since, according to the kid, she would be sad that they got eaten by an ugly bear. It reminded me of what you said. Humans do everything they can to live despite unfathomable conditions. It’s a power many curses lack-”
“What did you do with the child?”
You know of one local boy that matched that description, Megumi Fushigurou, all sass and adorable chubby cheeks with a penchant for berry picking in the forest until sundown and his mother feared he was lost.
“I carried it back to the village, the damn thing complained the whole way but we made it safe and sound.” Sukuna rubs the back of his neck with disdain hissing out from his canines, “Did I mention it’s a pretty convincing power?”
You swallow in epiphany, he wasn’t lying.
You had seen the little boy with his mother earlier in the day. The village hadn’t had any cases of missing residents or violent crimes for a while either.
You don’t know how Sukuna manages to read your face, but he steps forward close enough to make your breath hitch. 
“I’m apologizing, if you couldn’t tell.” He rests a hand on top of your head, a heavy warmth that matches the sudden softness of his tone.
“I’m…trying. Just like you.”
The touch is brief due to Sukuna retracting it as soon as you register the weight of his palm. Your vision startles to the curse above you, and it becomes instantly captivated.
Every inhale is noticeable, the taut expanse of his chest rising and falling more delicately than you would have guessed for a murderer like him.
Sukuna’s lashes almost brush the structured perch of his cheeks when he looks at you, and you turn on your heel as soon as the sight breaches your field of vision.
Something about how unexpectedly pretty Sukuna is always causes your stomach to churn.
“Denial goes a long way.” You shrug, and the robe you donned earlier slips off one of your shoulders, “But, you’re welcome.”
You can feel Sukuna following the fall of fabric with his eyes, “Yes, thank you.”
“Thank you too…for listening, even though I was kind of mean.”
“You’re welcome, I needed to hear it.”
Before you can help it, you peer at him from over your exposed shoulder and fail to tug the corners of your lips down to neutralize your expression.
“Does this mean you’ll stop being a murdering, pillaging asshole?”
“Maybe.” He grins and opens his arms wide, “Will you?”
You’re punching him in a heartbeat, and he guffaws so loud and openly that your resolve drops in your stomach.
It’s uncertain whether it was only for a moment then, or completely.
_________________
Sorcerers are crowded around a table, pounding its surface and causing the paper maps strewn across to crinkle and fly.
The meeting had started almost two hours ago, and both you and the elder sitting at the head of the conference looked exhausted by the possibility of being there for another second.
“He’s been too quiet.” One says, staring at the inked out rivers and mountains surrounding the town.
“Thank her for that.” Another juts his thumb at you, and you lean forward to feign biting it off before he flinches his hand back into his lap.
“We haven’t gotten any attacks since you fought him.” He mumbles, and you sit up at that fact.
“Really?”
“Yeah, we have nothing to go on. Because you didn’t finish the job, he probably fucking left.”
You blankly stare at him, and he shies away in embarrassment after the elder speaks up.
“That’s not true. The surrounding villages haven’t had any incidents. He must still be here. Laying low.”
You process the statements and theories, your mind spinning.
Right. Laying low.
Nodding along to the shouts and conversations, you pretend to agree while imagining Sukuna’s laugh.
His eyes shut in contentment while his head is thrown back and his hands clutching at his stomach or chest, the sun filtering through his hair and skirting over the immaculate planes of his face.
You can picture it so well you could practically reach out and touch him. Memorizing his features had been part of your mission while hunting for him, but lately your mind was beginning to conjure so many more different images of him than before.
Not just how he looks, but how he smells and feels. The way water and the forest laps at the tattoos on his skin.
A calming, yet incredibly distinct combination of senses.
One you hope sparks more spite the next time the curse crosses your mind.
The knowledge that Sukuna’s death is your duty simmers your temper as the sorcerers around you bicker.
You don’t grasp any desire within you to have anyone else involved.
“Calm yourselves,” You shake your head, “He’s laying low, but no one can hide forever. I’m already tracking him.”
_________________
Time only continues to pass in that perfect, little bubble you and Sukuna have created for yourselves.
The entire experience is bringing you a puzzling agony you grow less and less tolerant of.
Physically, you heal quicker than expected, and Sukuna only continues to become bolder and bolder following his own healing.
“You seem upset today.”
“Not.” The answer leaves you as forcefully as the clumps of grass you’ve been pulling out of the ground while sitting on the edge of the hot spring.
Your feet agitatedly swirl in the water, and you flick another handful of blades off to the side.
“So you are.” He wades over to you, and you place a protective hand on the hem of your robe resting across your thigh.
The act only makes him grin, so you return your focus to the decimated plants under your other palm. However,  you soon yelp in surprise when Sukuna dives head first into the water and then suddenly resurfaces between your knees.
He wraps his fingers around the curve of your thigh, “Need some relief? You being more of a brat than usual is really getting on my nerves.”
“I’m not mad. Just thinking.” You huff, sounding immensely angry.
Sukuna only seems to register the fact that you’re staying under his touch, and he sinks in his nails a bit. Not enough to draw blood, just to test the bounce of your skin and how the water transfers from his touch.
The warm water glosses over the plush of your legs, and to your horror, Sukuna bends down to observe the shifting luster more closely, the swell of his bottom lip drawing heat as it hovers near your core.
It suddenly feels too hot.
The hunger in his eyes isn’t lost on you when he tilts his head up. You didn’t know rose petals could bloom away from the earth, but the crimson of Sukuna’s eyes begs you to reconsider. Once he seems to have his fill of your shaky gaze, he ducks his head back to your lap.
“Normally, it’s kind of cute when you’re upset.” His thumbs rub circles all the way beneath your clothing and up to your hips.
The motion only ignites more fire in you, “But I’m getting concerned. The forest won’t survive if you keep tearing it up like that.”
A chuckle is imprinted in the kiss he presses to the top of your thigh, and you let out a gasp so close to a whispery soft whimper that you pray to the gods Sukuna didn’t hear it.
“I can help you feel better.” Rumbles of dark desire coat the purr of his throat as his lips tread inward, “You sound like you want to. Am I wrong?”
He heard.
Then, in one swift motion, he hoists your calves over his shoulders, and water is streaming off of his body and down the lines of his chin as his eyes meet yours.
Every drop racing down his figure incites petty jealousy in you. You want to touch him. Not in any familiar, destructive way you have previously. Gently and sinfully, with languid licks to the crevices of muscle gathering water. You want to feel his body twitch and contract, and how he groans at the rugged texture of your tongue. Your throat hollows in response to that epiphany, and then it becomes saturated with ill controlled saliva. 
At that, you swing your legs off of him, and he catches you in the crook of one of his arms as you attempt to scramble to your feet.
“Get away from me!”
The hissed out words indicate otherwise, as neither of you escape from your holds on each other.
Sukuna’s hand is bracing your forearm, and he has others wrapped around one of your ankles, on the small of your back. 
Every point of contact absolutely burns.
“You hate me, don’t you?” 
The word hate seems to have a poison specifically sharpened for your conscience.
But the answer doesn’t come to mind.
You should know the answer.
It should be easy, laughably so, rather than something bitter choking your throat.
Where did it go? Where did it leave you?
“You still do.”
It’s not an accusation from him this time, more of a wounded statement.
Murky silence is the only companion to his words, and you offer no other to join them.
Once Sukuna’s grip loosens, you manage to steady yourself and leave.
_________________
The forest clearing greets you with the chirps of crickets and birds the next time you manage to drag yourself back.
Even the bubbling of the hot spring is lively, the steam coating the air and any bare skin you have exposed.
You wait beside it in your everyday attire, needing some semblance of a barrier between you and Sukuna if he ever chose to make his appearance. The loose fitting fabric was thicker than your bathing robes, but less rigid and formal than your sorcerer uniform.
You had spent some time over the passing days to toil over your last conversation with the curse. Sukuna’s question concerning the hatred you held for him being the major thought occupying your mind.
The answer was actually quite obvious, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it any louder than the soft echo in your head yet.
Practicing it seems pathetic, but when you open your mouth to try Sukuna is striding towards you.
He has no humor in his face, all harsh corners and lines, but that entire demeanor vanishes upon seeing you stand and give him a hesitant wave in greeting.
“What’s this?” Sukuna approaches close enough to pinch the fine cloth gathered at your elbow, “You know I like what I see, you don’t have to cover up.”
The contact makes you flinch away, and a tortured look knits Sukuna’s eyebrows together.
He backs up, holding up his hands and covering up his expression with a half hearted smile.
You never thought your chest would ache at any hint of him being unhappy.
“Okay, okay. Tell you what. Kill me if you’d like.” He bargains, running a hand through his hair, “I know you hate me.”
That word again.
So much bite and emotion to it that it floods your chest with the fresh sting of tears.
“I can’t hate you!”
The outburst forces Sukuna back, and the impact seems to force his eyes wide open. 
You swallow your next few words, rethink them, swallow again.
Finally, they crawl out of your chest, “At least, not anymore.”
Truthfully you had always been better with your fists than your words, and you had never wished for the opposite until now.
Sukuna seems to register your claim, but remains silent.
You think he’s going to say something, bracing yourself for it by sweeping your eyes to the tree tops and then to the pebbles speckling the ground.
Still, Sukuna is silent.
The air becomes colder, blades of grass and your shoulders trembling. A desperation deep seated within you blooms in one last attempt to escape this mortifying mess.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?”
A passive stretch of time is the only response you get.
Motherfucker.
As if your own shame and embarrassment wasn’t enough.
Lunging at him, your hands encase his neck with a strangled sound of utter frustration.
You have your full strength now.
You could kill him now.
Then, Sukuna places his hands over yours.
Instead of tensing, you relax completely.
He runs his thumbs over your knuckles, tempering the rage encased inside.
The sentiment in his eyes is far too soft for the murderous narrowing of your own.
It’s as infuriating as it is endearing. 
You catch yourself wondering why you hold the power here, but it feels hopelessly lost when Sukuna holds you like this.
One of his hands travels across your arm, finding home in the cup of your cheek.
There it is again, his thumb stroking your skin like the shining facet of a jewel he can’t quite yet catch in the light. A breeze follows the placating touch, and you can’t tell which causes you to shiver.
He sighs, so defeated and low that you feel it mirrored in the tightness of your chest.
“If I say something…We’ll do something.”
The words ghost across his lips in the sweetest mumble you’ve ever heard. 
You blink distractedly at the movement of his mouth, pink flesh moving over white teeth, “Do what?”
Saliva pools under your tongue, and you bite down on the swell of your bottom lip to suppress the gnawing appetite rising in your stomach. 
His stare falters, his lashes fluttering down with peeks of ardent vermillion between, and then falls to the ground wordlessly.
You feel the comforting weight of it dissipate, and suddenly you’re weaker than before.
“Can you-” Your hands falter, lowering to grab at the collar of his clothing, the fabric clumping in your wobbly hands, “Just show me?”
Sukuna deftly reaches back, placing his hands along your hips and pulling you close.
You can sense fire pulsing under your skin as he continues in deliberate, measured fragments. His eyes never leave yours, all dilated pupils and honeyed warmth. He cups your lower back, the fabric beneath his palms shifting.
Gradually, he starts inching them up the sides of your waist. Squeezing and gripping portions of your curves with airy hums of thought.
You can’t breathe. 
This silence is more purposeful than the last.
You both know what it implies, though Sukuna seems intent on making that knowledge undeniably transparent.
The kiss arrives as your eyes flutter shut, and Sukuna’s lips on yours taste like mutual devastation.
He tilts his head, the kiss deepening and unfurling butterflies in your stomach.
You lightly bite down on his bottom lip before swiping your tongue across the achingly soft surface, and he immediately grants you access with a low groan. 
You don’t want to fight anymore. You want to surrender.
Curious hands roam along your body as the kiss deepens, stroking your cheek, the back of your neck and encircling your torso.
For someone so feared and strong, he possesses an astonishing gentleness that any prior replication of affection you’ve ever received now seems poor and revolting.
The tips of his fingertips skirt the hems of your clothing, and then they’re against bare skin. Soft tugs have your robes sliding down, and you gasp as the frigid temperature of air raises goosebumps over your skin. Chills kiss at your shoulder blades and up to the back of your neck.
Sukuna draws back, hooking his fingers into the fabric slung across his shoulder as he drags it over his head and reveals the familiar lines of muscle carved into his sides. The latter disappears into his pants, which reveals the tented mound between his legs. Despite the brief interruption, he presses you close to his chest the instant his top half is free from the restrictive material.
And he kisses you.
Kiss after kiss after kiss.
You occasionally flit your eyes open between locks of tongue and curse words stuck to the roof of your mouth, only to squeeze your eyes shut from enduring Sukuna firmly grabbing fistfuls of your hair.
His nails lightly graze your scalp, and he alternates between rough tugs and careful consolations down the back of your neck. 
“I’ve never desired anyone or anything more than you.” He pants, and you wince at the desperate rasp of the declaration.
Your pussy is sapped with want, and your hips sway when he rests his hands past them.
“Fuck.” Sukuna sighs, fondling the soft mounds of your ass in his palms.
He spreads them apart, and a jolt of adrenaline shoots up your spine.
“You flinched.” He chuckles, biting your ear lobe.
The electricity in the point of his canine nicking your skin has you throwing your arms around his neck, and you hide in the nape of his neck with a whimper.
Sukuna acknowledges the sound by carefully holding up your wrists one by one and then rolling your sleeves up to your forearms to undress you. The abandoned robes petal around your ankles onto the forest floor, and Sukuna returns your arms to crossing behind his neck.
He tilts his head, his eyes simmering as they rake over your bare skin,” Well, look at you.” 
Your elbows lock as your knees buckle, a sequence of motion vastly contrasting the vexed way you had gripped his neck only moments ago.
Sukuna catches you instinctively, hoisting your legs around his waist and clasping you to his front.
Your pussy drools at the flush of rigid heat pressed in the middle of your thighs, and you can hear Sukuna licking his lips as his hips support your weight, “Can you take it? I’m sure you can.”
The curve of his neck hides your face, but you know he can feel the warmth blooming on your cheeks when you stare down the scars of his back to see him tucking a thumb into his waistband.
The empty pocket between his skin and his pants only becomes more revealing, and you swallow as his entire frame soon becomes bare.
Sukuna keeps you settled close against his body, even when the cotton threads you sopped with your arousal get tugged away from you.
Then, you’re skin to skin.
You can sense his hardness before you even get a glimpse.
“F…fuck.”
The word is breathy and pained in your ear, and your own mouth falls open in a soundless gasp.
Every touch is scorching and placating at the same time, like every nerve in your body is perked and alert. So sensitive and ready that no point of contact goes unrecognized.
You want more. Need more. You can feel the ask escape your lips even as the thought fogs your mind.
The tops of your thighs are molded together by Sukuna’s heavy grip around them, and you use that to leverage your hips forward and back.
The bottom of your slit kisses the base of his cock as the length of it throbs against your stomach, and you slot your tongue into Sukuna’s mouth with reckless abandon.
“You-” Sukuna begins, swiping his tongue across your bottom lip, “Are so cute like this. All desperate and needy.”
“Shut up.” You reply simply, sucking at the corner of his mouth with continued fervor.
The meaningless command has him chuckling, but then the back of your neck is wrapped in his palm.
“Sure, I’ll shut you up.”
He deepens the kiss the next time his cupid’s bow meets your own, and your mind is so fuzzy you hardly register that Sukuna has carried you into the hot spring.
The humid heat of it rises along your waist, and Sukuna trails a few affectionate kisses along your jawline and down behind your ear before swiveling your hips to have you face away from him.
Droplets of water cascade down the slope of your back, and a wanton cry escapes your throat when Sukuna stripes them up to your shoulder blades with the point of his tongue.
You buck your hips back at the touch, whining when you feel his length behind you.
This seems to encourage him to explore your back with consideration, eventually lifting your hips and hissing out a strained sound of gratification when the tip of his cock prods at your entrance.
Strings of water and precum adorn the crown of his swollen cockhead, and you slightly wriggle your hips to get more of it inside.
“Put it in.” You demand softly, biting your lip as you attempt to peek over your shoulder and down your back.
Sukuna automatically brings your hips lower, and your eyelashes flutter as he gradually guides you onto his girth.
“Mhm- Yeah, put it in. More.” Your tongue unfurls, and Sukuna swears from the excitement in your voice.
“Oh fuck yes.” He lets out a gasp so full of primal wonder that it comes out as more of a growl, his eyelids flitting over his rolled up eyes.
The whites of his gaze belatedly return to those scarlet irises you adore, his mouth remaining slacked with a strained moan when he draws his hips back.
“Feels good?” You manage to pant, digging your nails into the back of his wrists.
“I love it. Thank you, the sweetest girl for me.”
The sting of his cock stretching open your walls is so addictive that the languid slides into your slick heat are audible.
“Thank you-mm. Fuck, thank you.”
Sukuna crouches to lick at the shell of your ear with a lengthy curl of his tongue, “Best pussy I’ve ever fucking felt.”
You spend some time drinking in each other’s moans, how your bodies fit together and the symphony of movement driving your shared pleasure.
Little time is spared by you for further speaking, and Sukuna quickly learns how to read your every flinch and wail.
He finds the perfect pace to bounce you up and down his cock, the aching preference you have for his tongue twisting around yours as you ride out your orgasms along the thick spine of his girth.
“Is this good?” He asks, full well knowing the answer, “Is this spot good?”
“You’re doing it wrong.” You huff, sarcasm punctuating the lie.
An immediate pause.
“Am I?” Sukuna grinds lazily against your sticky walls, “This isn’t the right way?”
Your mouth falls open, and you spread your legs wider as your insides wind snugly around his cock. 
He plunges inside more slowly, nudging at your cheek with his nose, “Tell me how wrong it is.”
Utterly stuffed, no other argument escapes you.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” The curse smirks, but even the upturned corner of his mouth in your peripheral wobbles.
It’s incredibly adorable, but you have little time to dwell on it when Sukuna begins to slam into you faster.
You can sense him everywhere now, gripping your arms, his lips sucking soft spots onto your neck, and his hips grinding into yours until your mind is foggy and your screams turn coarse.
“God, your pussy just melts on my cock. Such a bratty cunt, but fuck - Think I like spoling you. Giving you what you need even when you can't ask for it.”
He draws out the curse, gunning into your cunt recklessly. You can feel the plush of your ass rippling against the constant pistoning of his hips.
“You feel that too? You feeling my dick? Good. Good.”
Every compliment hangs off of his tongue like he doesn’t want it to leave before he can get another quick and purposeful thrust in. Threads of thick saliva and precum knit your mutual bliss together, and you can feel his unruly cockhead rubbing creamy circles into the ceiling of your pussy.
“So wet.” Sukuna’s tongue clicks beside your ear while he continues fucking you up and down his lap in buzzing pulses.
He has an uncanny sense of when you’re close to the edge, as he’ll reel his hips back and only resume motion after your tightness minimally subsides. 
The lack of release has you feeling entirely helpless, even though every time Sukuna is back to ramming your insides to near completion, you become so stupidly out of touch you forget the consequences and take it.
Every. Fucking. Time.
Not talking was a choice before, but now it’s an impossibility, only your cries punctuating the air with shamelessness.
Your pussy is runny and sloppy from the overflow of desperation. The loud squish of it is echoed by the excited hums of approval Sukuna allows to coat the back of your neck.
“Hey, I love you. You know that right?”
Sukuna bends your throat up higher, kissing and tonguing at the spots of it that he can access between his fingers. 
“I love you. You’re mine.”
“You love me?” The question comes out garbled and pathetic, but it makes Sukuna kiss behind your earlobe with a tenderness you never thought could exist.
“I do. I love you. Just look at you.” He strains, one of his hands pressing down on your stomach.
“Oh God,” You observe the brutal penetration beneath you with awe, “What do I do?”
You don’t know why you’re asking, you just feel as though you have to ask him.
“What - do I -” The question is barely comprehensible with cries and ecstatic moans, but Sukuna answers you anyway.
“Take it. Take it all.”
The simple suggestion has your muscles clenching before you fully relax.
“That’s it. T-That’s it. Just like you’ve been doing-shit. Right there, yeah? I got it.” Sukuna pants, and when you crane your cheek back you catch a glimpse of the wild carnage in his glossy, dilated pupils.
It feeds your ego much more than it should.
“You’ve done it. You’re killing me.” He shudders, shoving you onto his cock with so much need that you can hardly tell one thrust from the next.
You gasp out as you clutch at the back of Sukuna’s neck, staring at him with widely blown out pupils and shaky breaths.
“Then, die for me.”
His lips are on yours before you can even finish the sentiment, as if he was eager to accept the total mercy of death as long as it was under your hand.
Sukuna’s hips continue gunning upwards into your flooded cunt, his tongue slotting into your mouth with whiny urgency and his arms tightening around your convulsing figure.
You feel like you’re bursting at the seams, cloudy and dumb with nothing but the heat of Sukuna’s body in your head.
You can feel yourself all over the fat, greedy rushes of his cock.
A warm and gushy mess saturated with praise and pleasure.
“Sukuna!”
The name leaves your mouth with an eruption of paradise springing from your sex, and Sukuna holds you as your body seizes with quivers.
He keeps you upright, doing those slow pumps that drove you crazy back when you were desperate to cum.
Now, they are soothing and filling. Sensual.
Sukuna lets you ride out your high until you’re loose and hoarse in his hold.
Feeling totally spent, you let him rearrange you against his frame and he gives the crown of your head a soft kiss once your cheek is leaning against his collarbone.
“Can I see?” He taps your lower back, voice rough and entreating.
You raise your head, and then provide him with a sleepy nod.
Sukuna pecks your forehead with a grin, and then effortlessly picks you up to rest your thighs over his shoulders.
“Oh wow.” He says, as if witnessing something so wondrous and rare that he can’t tear his gaze away from the sight.
The low exclamation makes you involuntarily squeeze and drip, creamy traces of Sukuna’s fluids oozing out with your own.
You can almost see the want spark in his eyes, deep maroon and curious.
He interlocks two of his hands behind your spine, using another hand to spread your lips apart and swallowing hard when your pussy seeps out more of your shared arousal. 
The last of his hands reaches out to rub at your clit with the pad of a finger, and Sukuna licks his lips when you wind your hips down to meet his finger faster.
He looks up at you, a wordless ask, and you answer by tugging his head toward your core.
Sukuna reacts with a muffled grunt, lolling out his tongue and loudly lapping up your juices the second his tongue gets a taste of you.
You squirm in his hold, “Oh god, Sukuna!”
He pinches your slippery nub between his fingers, poking his tongue into the bottom of your leaking slit and then scooping his tongue upwards through the seams.
His taste buds sweep against the grip of your walls, and harsh breaths line your throat as he selfishly explores every inch of your pussy that he already laid to waste with his cock.
“Finish one more time for me.” He rapidly murmurs, his nails digging into your thighs.
“I d-don’t think I can!” You squeak, afraid that the knot in your stomach will snap much more intensely than the first time.
Sukuna seems to take that as a challenge.
He’s undeniable, scorching your flesh with determination and ardent gulps. The tip and flat of his tongue aggressively writhe inside and squelch along your wetness. It’s nearly unbelievable how turned on you are from seeing one of the most powerful curses in the world buried in your cunt.
Your center only becomes more and more taut, which forces Sukuna to act even more starved. The point of Sukuna’s nose bumps against your engorged nub, and he spends such a dedicated amount of time outlining your most sensitive spots with his tongue that your eyes roll into black.
He latches his mouth around your sore bud, flicking and swirling his tongue around it until you mewl his name over and over again.
Liquid bliss coats his tongue, and you can vaguely feel the tired smirk when he makes you cum in his mouth one last time.
Exhaustion sets in hard for you as well, and Sukuna catches you in his arms to return you to his lap.
Once you’re settled again, Sukuna grants you another passionate kiss on the lips. Tasting yourself on his tongue has you wanting more of him, but the heavy drag of your eyelids dissuades you from asking for more.
Although you know now that he would do anything for you.
“I was always looking for you.” You breathe, the authenticity of your admission lighting up Sukuna’s visage.
He is so beautiful like that, eyes glistening with obvious affection and a weary beam. The blossom shade of his hair is damp and raked back, and the olive of his skin is covered with streams of water from the hot spring. A light sheen of sweat also adorns the nape of his neck and biceps, and you can start to see the extensive sanguine marks you raked over his toned body. One traverses from the dark, buzzed undercut behind his ear to the top of the black design on his shoulder.
You weakly raise a hand to relieve the broken skin there, but Sukuna catches your hand in his.
He moves stray strands of hair from around your eyes, pressing his lips wherever he can under your eyes and across your cheeks.
“Thank you for always letting me find you.”
Sleep comes to you remarkably easy after that.
_________________
Morning sun skims the dips of your face once you wake up.
You squint your eyes, wondering why you no longer smell the earthiness of the forest.
“Good morning.”
The drowsy greeting catches your attention instantly, and you sit up to find yourself in your own bed.
“How-?”
You turn and nearly collide your nose with his chest.
“Easy.” He encircles your shoulders, comfortingly enveloping you in a warm embrace, “First, say good morning back.”
You relax, tentatively reaching up to return the hug, “Good morning.”
Somehow, you can sense the charmed smile spreading across his face, even as he rests his chin atop your head.
He deeply inhales, his large hands moving along your back as you breathe alongside him.
“Better?” Sukuna prompts after a brief passage of time.
“So much better.”
His smile widens, “Good.”
“How did we get here?” You yawn, peering over his shoulder at the scattered sunlight in your bedroom.
“I carried you.” 
You reel back to gape at him with a dubious raise of your brow, “You know where I live?” 
“I followed you home once.” He states matter-of-factly.
Clear offense sprawls across your facial features, “No, you didn’t. I would have sensed you.” 
“Not when you were all pouty and angry with me. It was cute seeing you stomp into your house.”
“Uh huh.” You somewhat acquiesce.
Sukuna’s solid frame shakes with a hearty laugh before he addresses you with a more remorseful tone, “I just had to make sure you got home safely. You’re perfectly capable alone, but you didn’t seem to be in your right mind...I’m sorry, I swear I left as soon as you went in.”
He runs his fingers through your hair as you listen, but all you can think about is how difficult it is to have any lasting anger towards him.
Forgiveness punctuates your subsequent sigh, a drawn out and desolate sound, “I don’t know what to do now. With all the hatred I had for you.”
“For me it’s the same passion, only the direction has changed.” Sukuna softens your shoulder with a delicate kiss.
You reach up to cradle his jaw in the heel of your palm, lightly scratching his hair with your other hand, “What are we going to do?” 
“What would you like for us to do?”
“I want to kill you.” You admit honestly, but with no malice.
Sukuna shrugs with a smitten beam, “You’re the only one who could.”
You smack his bicep, “Sukuna I’m serious! What are we going to do?”
The curse shrugs again, cracking his neck to one side, “We can stage our deaths and run away I suppose. Build a home in the mountains and live there until we’re old and gray. Or, we can live from place to place, see everything there is to see. You’re smarter than me, so whatever you decide. I just don’t want to fight anymore, now that I have you to take care of.”
He twirls a piece of your hair around his finger, watching the light shift in your eyes as you take in the candid suggestions.
“What do you think of that, sweetheart?”
Appreciation floods your chest, “I like those ideas, actually.”
The corners of his eyes crescent with amusement, and then he lets out a thoughtful hum as he draws random shapes into your cheek.
“There will be time for all of that later though. For now, what do you want to do?”
You pause to think over his question, and then resolve to snuggle back into his embrace.
“I want to stay right here. Just like this.”
Sukuna lightly strokes the back of your scalp and then kisses your temple with a content sigh, his lips moving reverently over the skin there.
“How did I get so lucky?”
_________________
End Notes:
hahahaha. i liked this. it just kept getting longer and longer so i just gave in😩😩 it's p much a multichapter fic lowkey LOL but thanks again for requesting! really enjoyed writing this one :)💖💞
ps. i'd like to talk about this one a bit more so if anyone wants to comment or send an ask about it i will reply in-depth!!💝 tyyy<3
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derangedrhythms · 8 months
Text
Every year I pass the anniversary of my death.
Iris Murdoch, from 'The Philosopher's Pupil'
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howifeltabouthim · 2 years
Quote
You're the only person who really loves me. You're the only person I can talk to, the only person whose company I can really tolerate.
Iris Murdoch, from The Philosopher’s Pupil
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roseglazedlens · 9 months
Text
⦑ a kiss away ⦒✶.*
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pairing(s): leon kennedy x afab!reader synopsis: you and leon were supposed to be just friends. until one night, an impromptu kiss changed the trajectory of your relationship. content: smut 18+ only mdni, fluff, angst, friends to lovers, mutual pining, oral (m receiving), p in v, degration, hair pulling READ THE PREQUEL HERE « words: 2.1k┇masterlist┇ao3┇reblogs appreicated! »
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You can’t stop thinking about the kiss.
You can’t stop thinking about Leon’s calloused fingers grazing over the plump of your cheek, scorching your skin with hands so cold it reminded you of the rifles you handled during those gruelling winter missions. You can’t stop thinking about how his pupils flared, and you basked in the glazed cerulean of his irises, so clear you could see yourself through them.
Worst of it all, you can’t stop thinking about him.
You shouldn’t. You know you shouldn’t. Leon Kennedy is your friend, your best friend. Your first meeting was five years ago on the field, clicked instantly from sharing the same corny sense of humour, and since then, your dynamic with him has been strictly platonic. You told him about all your exes, your sex life in detail, who you dated and when you had your one night stands. Hell, you even told him about your revolting bad habits that you kept secret from your exes. There was no chance this man could fall in love with someone like you, right?
…Right?
Truth is, you valued your relationship with Leon so much that you’re unwilling to risk it. You two connected beyond the small stuff, sometimes you find your conversations take a philosophical turn. You two discussed about life, family, dreams for a better world – it’s not the kind of connection you can find again.
And now you two have shared a kiss.
You were startled by the sound of your ringtone chanting through the Bluetooth speakers of your car, piercing through your train of thought. Your brain assigned autopilot, navigating you home after a laborious mission in the middle of Texas for the past two weeks. Darting your eyes at the screen, you recognised the familiar name on your contact list.
Leon. Speak of the devil.
You clicked a button on the side of your wheel. The ringing stopped, and the line connected. Immediately, you were embraced by a glee in Leon’s voice, but only ever so subtly.
“Hey. Welcome back.”
“How’d you know I’m back?” You gripped the steering wheel, a tiny concern brewed in you, worried he would catch your unusual behaviour.
“Chris told me. He’s surprised you didn’t say anything.”
A deep sigh left your throat from your core. You couldn’t exactly tell Leon that you needed time, time to catch a breath, time to process your yearn for this man. No matter how understanding he could have been.
There was no use hiding – Chris would have told him about your whereabouts if you didn’t. Chris and Leon are close friends after all.
“Can’t get a moment of peace with you two around.”
“Next time, call me. I can pick you up.” Your pulse took a leap. In another time or situation, those words would not meant anything to you. It was just how Leon was, his instincts to help others extended into his personal life too.
“So you don’t fall asleep on the wheel, stupid. Your death will not be on my conscience.”
That earned a giggle in your books. You could tell Leon’s light teasing was an attempt to comfort you, to make you laugh, to hear the snorty chuckle between your lips.
“Don’t worry. If I pass, I’ll make sure to haunt you for the rest of your life. Regardless whose fault it is.” You quipped.
“That sounds wonderful.”
Despite his sarcasm, Leon’s voice warmed at the sound of your laugh. You couldn’t help but appreciate these moments like this with him, and you prayed what you had together would never go away.
“Anyway, get some rest. I’ll bring you some food to your place at eight.”
You appreciated how he remembered that you prefer to stay home directly after a mission. After difficult missions, the presence of people could be daunting and uneasy.
Leon’s the exception.
He always brought a peace offering – a chicken sandwich from your favourite deli, a viral dessert you saw in a store once, your usual frappuccino order with ten customisations… If you want it, he got it for you.
“See you soon.” He hung up and you drove home.
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You’re thankful for internalised heating and electric blankets. They’ve became necessities for post mission self-care routine like this one. You scrubbed yourself down, cleansing the scent of blood, grease and dirt that clings deeply to your body. So when you finished, you feel rejuvenated. You napped, checked for new mail, checked for bad food in the fridge and took care of any errands you missed when you had to leave swiftly for the mission.
You waited and waited. It was almost eighty-fourty, with nothing but a brief text that penned “Running late” from Leon. You texted back, no follow-ups, no ‘seen’, no double checkmark. You wondered what was taking him so long, before the bell buzz at your door.
You opened the door, prepared to give him a lecture, just to find Leon with a familiar takeaway bag in his hands.
“No way… Is that…?”
“Yes. It’s from your favourite place.”
“Wait, the one that’s always has a long line…?”
Leon helped himself into your apartment. His hair soaked, it shimmered under the ceiling light of your apartment. He must have waited a whole hour in the rain.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Thank you would be nice.”
You hurried to your cupboard, picked up a fresh towel and handed it to Leon for him to dry off.
“Thank you. I mean it.”
Leon nodded, a gentle grin at the corner of his lips knowing that you’re grateful of his gesture. And you genuinely did. No man, no ex, no friend you knew would do things for you to this extent. With your help, Leon removed his wet jacket and revealed his top also drenched underneath, clinging to every bump, every muscle on his torso. You swallowed deeply, slotting your eyes anywhere but his chest.
“I’ve got spare clothes in the car.”
You insisted on grabbing Leon’s clothes for him, thankful for the opportunity to take yourself away from the situation. You took the keys, and took in some fresh air. Anything to distract yourself from imagining your best friend naked on the top half. You opened the truck, retrieved his spare clothes in his gym bag and returned to your home.
When the door opened, you found Leon with his shirt already removed, revealing those sculpted muscles from the results of his vigorous training.
“Sorry. It gets uncomfortable when it’s sticky.”
You gawked, your eyes planted on the slopes of Leon’s tauted arms, pelvis line drawing a deep v into his crotch. He’s showing off. You know it. You struggled through the desire of staring knowing it will just rub his ego even further, but your eyes betrayed you. Leon observed you, a smug grin that made you hold back a punch.
“Like what you see?”
Leon strided towards you, taking his time. You had plenty of chances to walk away now, but your feet are planted to the floor, his dry clothes still in your hand. With a hand over your head, Leon closed the entrance door, and shifted close enough for you to catch his scent – the musky woodiness mixed with rain and his odour enveloped your nose – his signature cologne.
A hand reached to your waist, pulled you in his embrace.
“Do you want to see the rest?”
His breath tickled your ears as he whispered.
You forgot how attractive Leon could be. How others flock to his attention. Begged me to give them his number. With full confidence, you believed those charms didn’t work on you. Blissfully unaware that Leon chose to withdraw his charms in front of you, contrasting to the unadulterated need his body radiated right now.
Breath tightened, pulse sped, unable to keep up with your thoughts. You felt a sensation shot down your spinal cord, knees trembled slightly, a look of mischief clung to Leon’s face. Your body betrayed you, nodding incessantly.
“So honest.”
Leon feet guided you to the couch, sat you till your eyes level to the bulge in his jeans. The blond undid his first button, and your gaze followed the zipper downwards. Leon grabbed underneath his boxers, and his dick sprung free onto his abdomen. With a curled fist, Leon hovered it at the bridge of your nose and pumped it a few times in your direct line of sight.
“Wet it for me, baby.”
He teased, inching his cock closer to the pucker of your lips.
Saliva gathered at the back of your throat, your tongue desperate to feast on him. A droplet of precome leaked from his tip. You grazed your tongue on the tiny slit, circulating the drop all over your mouth until it blended in your saliva. The light hint of saltiness was there, and it was gone again.
Leon hitched a breath, his hands crawling down your head to pull your hair back loosely for easier moment. You hollowed your cheeks, and slide his girth between your lips. Light gasp turned to needy grunts, the hands groping your hair tightened, pushing you further inside.
You curled your tongue all over the head, coating it with your slick, indulging in the smell of sweat intertwined with his sex. Corner of your lips dribbled down your neck, eyes forced shut from the ache of the shape of his cock head engraved in the back of your throat. But you couldn’t get enough. You let a hand go from Leon’s thigh, and reached for your underwear instead.
“Look at you. Can’t even wait five minutes.”
Leon’s blue eyes glistened with cunningness. His hand tugged harshly at your hair, eliciting a pained groan that pulled you off his cock out with a pop. With one swift motion, Leon removed your top and pants, until you are bare in nothing but your underwear. He slid his hand underneath you, pushed your underwear aside, and felt the stickiness as a finger went inside you.
“God, you want this so much, huh?”
“S-Shut up and fuck me, Leon.”
Leon’s expression changed when you told him that. It triggered something carnal within, and shoved your back onto the couch, underwear pushed aside, cock teased your entrance. With one deep breath, Leon thrusted himself in you, ignoring your needy pleas. You shrieked in pleasure, your jaw drowned in the juncture between his neck and shoulders, nails clawing his back.
“You’re sucking me in, baby…”
Leon’s skin flushed red, his sculpted shoulders strained in delight at the impact.
Without further ado, Leon slammed into your swollen, needy cunt. Squelches and the slap of skin to skin hovered the air, and a stir developed in your body, threatened to release. Your eyes tried to brace shut, but Leon’s hand stroked your face when you did, demanding you to look at him. Until your thoughts were filled with him as you finished together. Leon followed, removed you quickly and landed the streams of come on your lower belly.
It was supposed to be a moment of euphoria, but Leon’s expression turned grim, parting from your embrace after his fingers dwelled lightly on your shoulder blades.
“You should have run when you had the chance.”
Leon sighed, regret forming at his tongue.
“You could have had a normal life, be with someone who doesn’t chase death like me. But now that I have you, it’s impossible to let you go. I can’t ignore wanting you anymore.”
You sensed years of agony and sorrow behind his cerulean eyes – you never noticed these emotions he kept so secretively in his heart. How much did he had to suffer when you told him of all your relationships in the past, and Leon supported you each and every time. No matter how terrible your exes treated you.
“That’s not the life I want.” You affirmed, two fingers brushed his lips and reached his jaw. “I don’t want an easy life, Leon. I don’t care how hard it is. I want to be by your side.”
Leon pulled you in tighter into his familiar embrace. He laid his lips against yours, and you are reminded of that intimate kiss you shared two weeks ago. The passion, minty sweetness of gum is so distinctly Leon.
It was his plea, begged you to notice how much Leon loved you. How far he will go to make you happy. It took you so long, but you could finally accept him. You returned the kiss, just as gentle, loving – a silent vow to Leon that you will make him happy as he lived.
“Come on, baby. Let’s eat. The pizza’s already cold.”
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EDIT: I wrote a prequel to this! thanks for reading! come check out my other works. ––yours truly, rose.
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mcdonaldsnumberone · 1 year
Text
LOVE ME HARDER!
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you swear your favorite color has nothing to do with kaiser. but unluckily for you, the boy’s fallen madly in love with you and has somehow convinced himself that he can connect the dots to make you fall madly in love with him. when you meet his flirting with a tough front though, kaiser has a secret weapon up his sleeve (or under his uniform collar).
gender neutral reader
content warning(s): reader’s favorite color is blue, kaiser’s tattoo isn’t super visible with his uniform in this fic
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You loved blue.
You still do. And for the foreseeable future, you weren’t going to ever stop loving the color. It was a color so dear and special to you, and as much as you loved all the other colors, there was something indescribable about the blue hue.
It was everywhere. The color of the sky. The ocean. The small Google Docs icon while you scribbled down notes on your computer. A stray car in the distance while you crossed the road. It was the color of loyalty and knowledge, the cool tones even embodying the mystifying feeling of melancholy. And, if you allowed yourself to get a little pretentious and philosophical, probably the color of the universe. 
What a dignified color. You would never stop loving blue. Not ever. Certainly not now. And you would never extinguish your love of the color because of a man.
But boy, was someone making it difficult.
You always heard him before you saw him: the rumble of footsteps, Ness gushing incoherent praise, the shrill trill of German words hanging in the air. Like an overture before a grand opera, except those thirty seconds were the only prep time you’d get to turn on your heel and book it out of there if you didn’t want to say hello to your biggest headache.
“Oh, daaaarling! There you are! Hey- Don’t run away!”
An outstretched pair of arms materialized on either side of your body, and you let out a loud yelp before you were pulled backwards into a tight hug. You screeched like a feral cat, clawing helplessly at the air while a loud haughty laugh rang out against your eardrums.
It was only when you turned around that the sense of hearing gave out to the sense of sight. Beautiful strands of blond-blue hair swept across your eyes, the twinkle of his golden locks not too unlike the catlike gleam in his pupils. Speaking of his eyes, you hated the stupid bastard for how much blue he had on him and more importantly, how good it looked. Even the smug azure of his crinkled eyes made you stop breathing for just a split second, and your lips parted unconsciously as your hatred momentarily dissipated into wonder at the delicate hue.
“Staring at me? Awwwww, do you think I’m handsome? Of course you do. You wouldn't be so starstruck otherwise,” he chuckled. You instantly snapped out of your stupor, and you twisted your face into a disgusted frown.
“Take your hands off of me, you idiot,” you snarled. “I’m not in the mood to talk to you.”
“Oh? Perfect. I think that’s perfect timing to talk to you.” Kaiser kept one arm slung firmly over your shoulders, expertly placing himself at your side. You dug your heels into the ground and kept your place whenever he tried to edge you closer to his torso, egging you to relax into his touch. “Busy being a little color nerd again? I think it’s adorable that you’d pick your favorite color after me-”
“-I did not pick my favorite color after you,” you huffed. You crossed your arms, and you glared directly up at him (this time, you took extra care not to get lost in his eyes). “Do you really think I don’t have a personality or something? To pick a favorite color after a man?”
He shrugged. “Hey, I’m a pretty charming guy, if I do say so myself. Just now, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of me. I’d say I wear the color well. Say, if I swapped my red eyeliner out for a blue one, would that make you stare at me even more?”
You wanted to push him off, but you knew better than to engage a professional athlete in a half-wrestle-half-run-for-your-life-thing. “In your dreams. You’re an atrocious mix of colors.”
“Sure.” He easily brushed your words off. He broke out into his usual smug grin, chuckling at you as if he were a cat toying with a mouse. If he could, you swore that he’d gobble you up in one bite and leave no crumbs. “But I’d say blue is totally my color.”
Red hot annoyance flooded your body. This was so unlike you, to be moved to such anger that you’d be thinking of any color other than your favorite cyan hue, but something about this man made you want to beat him to a bloody pulp until he truly was nothing more than a mix of crimson and black and white broken bones. 
“Blue is MY color!” You grumbled. “I liked it even before I met you! Hell, I probably understand it better than you do! Dipping your hair in Kool-Aid and being born with blue eyes doesn’t automatically make blue your color! It’s my favorite color, and me liking it has nothing to do with you! Not everything revolves around you, Kaiser!”
You fumed at him, having blurted out all of the tension mounting inside of your chest. You stood there, wanting to claw off the weight of his arm across your shoulders. You wondered if Kaiser would yell back at you, if those beautiful sapphire eyes of his would narrow into small slits before he’d wind up for the pounce, if he truly would swallow you up into a void of blue nothingness just to prove you wrong.
But instead he threw his head back, and he laughed heartily.
“You’re too funny for your own good.” He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye with his other hand, and he barely held himself together long enough to look at you. “The world? Revolve around me? Maybe to all those other stupid commoners. Those brainless fools need a stunning star to guide them. To give them any purpose in life.”
You grimaced, skin crawling with disdain as he yanked you closer. His free hand caressed the outline of your cheeks and jaw, and you let out a small “eep!” as he hooked his fingers under your chin to gingerly lift your face to meet his. You held your breath as the German prodigy leaned in, until the silhouette of his peach-pink lips were much too close to your mouth for your liking.
“But, darling… Oh, my sweet, stupid darling…” His voice was far too smooth for your own liking. Like the lining of a regal blue mink-fur lined cape, the kind you’d see in a 1700s painting of a king, the edge you get from swallowing down a mouthful of ice water. He looked too pleased with himself, having you ensnared perfectly in his arms like this. The thick tension that hung between the two of you felt like poisoned honey, and he shook his head at you mockingly. “If anyone were to pay attention closely, they’d know that the script is much more different for you than it is for those everyday fools.”
“Don’t lump me in your weird fantasy.” You blinked at him defiantly. He pursed his lips slightly, but Kaiser didn’t waver even once. 
“All I want to say is that there’s nothing wrong in admiring beautiful things. If you like blue that much, nothing wrong with admiring the blue on me, is there? It’s unhealthy to deny yourself the things that you love so much.” He let you go finally, and you practically leapt out away from him. “If you don’t want to throw yourself at my feet and beg to play the role of my dedicated love interest, that’s fine too! Although, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to. Anyone would be honored to have my attention the way you do.”
“You’re a self-centered prick. I don’t want to give you any more attention than what I’m already wasting on you.”
“That’s what I’m saying! If you let down your high walls and properly let yourself admire me for the beautiful, charming, handsome guy I am, then it wouldn’t be a waste of your time.” He expertly flicked his hair over his shoulder, winking at you as some of the strands tumbled down his collarbones and back. As atrocious of a haircut as it was, you did have to admit that the color of his weird gradient was very pleasing to your eyes.
But you’d rather eat knives than admit it out loud. 
“You’ll have to try harder than that. Anyone can dye hair,” you muttered, thoroughly unconvinced. “And before you ask, I’m not interested in staring at your eyes either. Blue eyes mean nothing to me. And I can always go buy color contacts off the internet and stare at those instead if I really want to.”
“Boo! That’s so boring! Wouldn’t you want a real living person? Someone with personality?” He pouted.
You rolled your own eyes. “Yeah. Someone that doesn’t have a stick stuck up their ass.”
Kaiser pressed his lips into a line, suddenly lost in heavy thought. He knew your patience was already running thin with him, and while it was frustrating that the typical antics he’d lavish onto his fans wasn’t netting him the reaction he wanted from you, it still thrilled him the same. You were so tough to crack! He knew deep down that you had some heart for him and that you loved admiring beautiful things! And was he not the most beautiful thing of them all? He was skilled, talented, the kind of guy anyone should be flattered to have. All he needed was to convince you with something unique, something that no other groupie or fan of his couldn’t have, and maybe that would be the key to luring you over.
To turn that burning red hatred of yours into a calm, placated blue interest.
“Well, what if I give you something truly special then? If I could show you something that you have to admit is beautiful, would you admire me then?” He offered tentatively. You sniffed, keeping your head held high, but he took your silence to mean that it wasn’t a complete refusal.
He broke out into the biggest grin you had ever seen. Your confidence wavered slightly at his smug smirk, and nervousness prickled over your skin. You held your breath as Kaiser slowly raised his hand to his neck. Two fingers hooked onto the golden collar of his Bastard Munchen uniform, which covered a generous portion of his neck.
He yanked down. 
A flash of deep, royal blue stunned your vision, and your eyes instinctively widened. Kaiser tilted his neck to the opposite side, making sure you could catch a proper glimpse at the part of his throat that was normally concealed by his uniform. You felt like something inside of your brain had violently hit the brakes the moment the color hit your eyes. 
Roses.
Beautiful, beautiful blue roses. 
You’re automatically entranced by them. They’re tattoos, each expertly painted on his skin with a careful hand. The black outline makes the rich hues pop even more against his body, and while you tiptoe forward to catch a better view, you can only make out the better part of one of the bigger roses. The rest are covered by his uniform, and you can see the hint of inked thorns traveling away from the flowers and towards his arm. 
Kaiser instantly caught the shift in energy from you. He wisely kept his mouth shut, but some prideful part of him was celebrating inwardly. He let you step closer to admire the handiwork on his body, your curiosity delighting him to no ends.
You wanted to touch them. To touch him. Oh, you could imagine the feeling of soft rose petals under your fingertips while you were utterly mesmerized by his tattoo, almost forgetting that it was just an inked drawing rather than real flowers.
“Well? Isn’t it lovely?” 
You flinched, snapping back to life. Dumbfounded, you were at a loss for words. It was completely unlike you to not have some kind of mean comeback to snark at him with, but the secret weapon Kaiser had on hand was too much. His tattoo had overwhelmed you in a heartbeat, the artistic touch only making you want to see it again.
But unfortunately for you, he adjusted his uniform back into its regular position with a cruel smile. “See? I knew you’d like it. Do you want to look at it again? Oh, I know you do. C’mon, tell me. Tell me you want to see it again. It’s not like I’m going to refuse.”
You bit the inside of your cheek, and very hesitantly, you swallowed back your pride. “Can… Can I see your tattoo again?”
“With pleasure, darling.” He cooed. He paused for a moment, and he pulled you closer towards him. You gulped nervously when he peered down at you, clearly savoring the victory he had earned by pulling wool (or in this case, a lovely tattoo) over your eyes. 
“But why don’t I take you to my room instead? I’ll take off my shirt for you. That way you can see the entire thing. And then you can fawn over me properly. You just said you wanted to see my tattoo again. Those pretty roses,” he leaned in, tempting you over and over with the fleeting memory, “Those pretty, pretty roses that are in your absolute favorite color.”
You were torn, and Kaiser reveled in that tormented expression of yours.
He held his hand out. “No need to be shy. Let me show you all sorts of beautiful blue things, my darling.”
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givemearmstopraywith · 4 months
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the idea of a white jesus arose primarily in the 19th century, with the emergence of theories that claimed him for an "aryan race" and claimed he was, among other things, of nordic or germanic extraction. of course, medieval european depictions of jesus also show him to be rather lean and fair, but this is arguably less originating in what we understand as contemporary racism and more from a lack of context, a reliance on the known and familiar. how easy it is to erase a heritage. to know what jesus would have looked like we need to think of his mother. mary was from first century palestine. historical evidence suggests that jews of this period were biologically closest to iraqi jews. so she would have been dark-skinned- she was working class and would have known the sun. her olive complexion would be deeper and darker than contemporary art renders her. her black hair would have been oiled and parted, with the part perhaps painted with henna. she would probably have had a nose ring and earrings. she would have spoken aramaic in a broad galilean accent that her son would have also taken on- looked down on by more sophisticated city-dwellers, but nimble enough that jesus, a carpenter in a port town in a colonized territory, would have probably picked up a little latin and greek from the docks too. jesus would have had short hair and a beard in the fashion of philosophers. he would have had mary's black hair and dark skin. they would both have been short- no more than five feet, five inches. jesus walked everywhere, worked his body hard: he was probably lean-bodied. nicephorus callistus in the fourteenth century said mary's eyes were bright, with pupils like shiny olives, and strong eyebrows. i don't know where callistus gets this information, but i like it. i like the idea of jesus and his mother having arched, black brows, dark skin, dark eyes. when we call him jesus christ we call him yeshua the anointed, yeshua whose head has been touched with olive oil pressed from the olive groves of the palestinian countryside.
#p
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bearhugsandshrugs · 2 months
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The Intimacy of Pain: Abdirak/Tav
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“You look troubled, dear one”, Abdirak sighed as Tav walked past him towards her quarters in the Elfsong. Ever since she’d saved the Grove from the impending attack, Abdirak had followed her little group of misfits around, mostly keeping to himself except for the occasional philosophical chats with Halsin or Shadowheart. 
Tav gave him a small smile. She liked the weird priest, had liked him ever since he’d hit her with a mace in front of her companions until she sobbed. He had an intriguing gentleness about him, mixed with something vicious she longed to explore. 
“It’s been a rough day – or tenday, I should say”, she chuckled, watching the corners of Abdirak’s mouth curl into a smile. 
“Pain is best experienced in company, dear one”, he offered, “I’d be honored to provide relief.” 
She considered the offer, wetting her lips subconsciously while she thought about getting hurt by his strong hands. Over the past tendays she had laid in bed many times remembering the flashes of pain and the showers of praise that had followed, and more than a few times she had stroked and rubbed herself to completion while sinking deeper into those memories. 
“Why not”, Tav smirked, meeting Abdirak’s eyes, and his pupils dilated for a fraction of a second as he took in her teasing gaze. Without another word he pulled her into his room by her wrist. 
“We shall begin by casting our worship in private”, he exhaled, murmuring a prayer through intricate gestures. Tav felt the silence spell take hold, isolating their room from the rest of the busy tavern. All sounds outside their room died down as a barrier extended between them and the rest, their voices contained and safe from listening in. Next, Abdirak reached to lock the door, silently waiting on Tav to nod in approval before he turned the key in the door. 
“Wonderful”, he beamed. He slowly walked around Tav, looking her up and down before he took a few steps back, clasping his hands behind his back. “Dear one: The last time you allowed me to worship Loviatar through your body you were accompanied by your friends. I would like to suggest a more… intimate way to experience pain, if you allowed me to.” He spoke eagerly and softly into the room, his gaze burning itself into her vision. Tav felt her body react to his intensity already, her heart beating faster and faster as the meaning of his words sunk in. “Or, we could repeat your previous worship, should you prefer.” 
That day in the goblin camp still was fresh on her mind. The way his mace had carved itself into her skin. Her sobs and cries, and the relief that had washed over her, bordering so close to pleasure she’d left with soaked underwear and a bright blush. 
“Intimate sounds good”, she agreed hoarsely, watching Abdirak’s smile widen at her agreement. 
“Good, good”, he beamed. “Please undress.”
Tav’s eyes widened. She hadn’t thought he’d get to the point quite this fast, but… she didn’t mind. Taking off her clothes did not take long, and she sat everything down on a side drawer, folded neatly into small stacks. 
“Completely, please”, Abdirak scolded her gently, and Tav blushed as she stepped out of her underwear, standing before him completely naked. 
“Beautiful”, the priest murmured. He took a step towards her and let his gaze fall over her tired body, bruised already from a fight two days prior. Tenderly but firmly he ran a hand over a large bruise on her upper left arm, pressing down until he heard Tav suck in a sharp breath. His mouth curled into a smile again. “Beautiful”, he repeated. 
“What’s next?”, Tav whispered. She wasn’t sure why she had lowered her voice, especially when no one could hear her, but she felt a sort of tension and anticipation build in her lower belly that made talking difficult. 
Abdirak moved across the room and pulled out a chair, turning it so its backrest was facing Tav. “Lean forward, rest your arms on the edge, and spread your legs, my dear”, he instructed her. Tav was eager to comply. She stood exactly as he’d asked her, propping her upper body up on her stretched out arms that rested on the edge of the backrest of the chair, her legs wide and open. 
“Loviatar, bear witness to your children taking comfort in the pleasure of pain”, Abdirak roared through the room, and for the first time that night Tav was relieved that no one could hear them. 
The second time came when she cried out as a flog hit her ass cheek unexpectedly. 
“That’s it, dear one”, Abdirak sighed. “What a marvelous start.”
He hit her again, the leather straps snapping against her soft skin, and she hissed at the sensation. Again, and this time a whimper mixed into her exhale. Again, and she let out a small sob. Again, and she noticed she was wet, the pain deliciously tugging at her core, swelling her folds and slicking her entrance. 
Abdirak hit her with dedication and precision, switching between her ass and upper thighs. Each time his flog hit her, a spark shot through her body, but each time he stopped to caress her reddened skin with a soft drag of the leather against her flesh, a moan formed on her lips. 
“Yes”, he said hoarsely, his voice thick with arousal. “Embrace it.” The flog came down so hard that she screamed, her hands gripping the chair so tightly her knuckles turned white. 
She heard him moan through her scream, chuckling in delight immediately after.
“Dear one”, he groaned, “turn the chair towards us and sit down.” 
Sit down? Tav bit her lip and did as she was told, groaning softly as soon as she put her weight on her sensitive and flogged parts. Abdirak licked his lips as he saw her, then knelt down in front of her, pushing her legs apart. 
“Wet like the cheeks of a lover's heartbroken face”, he said with reverence, reaching between her legs to spread her folds open with his hands. “Touch yourself. Feel yourself”, he groaned. 
Tav tentatively reached down to her cunt and dragged her fingers through her wetness, eliciting a soft sigh from Abdirak. When her fingers settled on her clit she gasped, shocked at how needy she felt. The priest pushed her legs even further apart and leaned in, bringing his mouth to her folds and fingers, licking broad strokes to lap up her juices. 
“Gods”, Tav moaned out, hit so suddenly by the sensation that she had no time to think, her hips jerking into Abdirak’s face with need. His tongue circled her clit along with her fingers, then trailed down, and his hands pulled her waist forward so she sat at the edge of the chair, allowing for better access. When he pushed his tongue into her cunt she moaned, louder this time, and down between her legs, Abdirakt sighed. 
She was close, so close. Her chest burned warmly, the skin on her thighs and ass cheeks rubbed painfully against the chair, and her clit throbbed under her own ministrations. But when her legs started to tremble, her body about to fall over the edge, Abdirak pulled away and at her wrists, holding her hands far away from her core. 
“N-No”, Tav begged, batting her eyelids open that had fallen shut a moment ago. “Please.”
“Tell me, dear one”, Abdirak asked as if the most mundane thing in the world had just happened, “Do you prefer worship through your breasts, or your behind?” 
“I— what?” Tav stared at him, mouth hanging open, confused. When he didn’t reply and just waited for her to choose, she swallowed. “B-breasts”, she stammered. They felt unattended, and she longed for him to hurt them. 
“Marvelous”, Abdirak moaned, “simply marvelous.” Tav got the feeling that this would have been the reaction for either choice, but she chuckled nevertheless, grateful for the brief moment of distraction while her cunt was begging for attention so she could climb back up the edge. 
“Onto the bed, on your back, if you please”, Abdirak murmured, standing up to loosen his belt. Tav followed his instructions, lying down only to feel her sensitive skin rub uncomfortably against the bedsheets, and she realized he was continuously picking positions that would force her to endure the discomfort. 
It didn’t take long until he was undressed, and Tav swallowed at the sight of his naked body. He was lean, with strong, soft muscles flexing throughout, but then, between his legs, stood the largest and girthiest cock she’d seen in years, if not ever. Hard already it was easy to tell how far his length would push into her, how wide his girth would stretch her. Heat washed over her chest in response, and she let her head fall back onto the pillow, trying to hide her blush. 
Abdirak climbed up onto the bed to join her, pushing her legs apart once more with his hands until he nodded with approval at how open she was for him. He placed something on the bed next to him, but Tav couldn’t make out what it was.
“Pain is an intimate thing, wouldn’t you say?”, he repeated the question he had asked her at the goblin camp, but before she could answer he smacked his flat hand against her clit, making her yelp out a moan. 
“Fuck–”, Tav groaned in response, but she couldn’t say more as he hit her another time, pushing his tip against her entrance. “Fuck”, she breathed out, her cunt eagerly clenching around the small portion of his cock that was already pushed in. Abdirak took his time to work himself into her, switching between slapping her cunt and pushing his cock further in, and Tav was panting heavily when he was finally buried inside of her. 
“Oh, dear one”, he moaned, “You are so beautifully pleasurable. Exquisite. Simply exquisite.”
Tav rolled her hips into him, pulling out another moan from the priest. “Gods, you feel amazing”, she sighed, clamping down on his length that was deliciously stretching her walls while she accommodated him. 
“You made an excellent choice”, Abdirak murmured as he picked up the items he had sat aside, and Tav finally saw that they were nipple clamps. She’d never used them, but the sight alone made her clit twitch, and she swallowed with anticipation as he leaned over and put them on her tits. Sweet pain shot through her in an instant, and a slew of moans and whimpers escaped her throat as the priest started rolling his hips, thrusting into her in earnest. 
His cock brushed against a particularly sensitive spot again and again, taking Tav’s breath away as she laid there with her hands desperately holding onto his shoulders, unable to comprehend all of the sensations: The soft pain on her back, the sharp, throbbing pain on her tits, the sweet, subsiding pain in her clit, and the way her slicked up cunt felt full and fuller the more he pounded into her. 
Abdirak moaned praise after praise for her, telling her how good she was taking the pain, taking him, how good she felt, how proud he was of her, how much he worshiped her. Tav rushed to the edge again, feeling her walls tighten around him. Only a few thrusts more–
Her vision blackened around the edges when she came, a loud moan as her back arched, and just when her muscles contracted around Abdirak’s large cock did he loosen the nipple clamps. Another, different shade of pain mixed in with the pleasure, and she cried out a curse so loudly her throat ached as her orgasm extended, drowning in pleasure and pain alike. 
Abdirak stared down at her in awe, breathing heavily, not having stopped any of his movements. Just when she was finished and the waves of pleasure and pain slowly subsided did he stop watching her and closed his eyes, and let himself go until his hips jerked into her, his cock twitching as he spilled himself in her with a loud and vulgar moan. 
“By Loviatar”, he sighed once his body calmed down. “What a truly divine experience this has been.” 
Tav couldn’t help but agree. He was right. It had been divine. And it remained divine when he pulled out of her, wiped them both clean, and then tended to her body with warm water and soothing tinctures. He gently massaged salves into her sensitive skin. His strong arms held her tightly for minutes after, caressing her, providing for her, until she started stirring and chuckling, fully recovered from the entire ordeal. 
“Thank you, dear one, for this most enjoyable experience”, he murmured into her hair, gently stroking her head. 
“No, thank you”, Tav replied. “I… would love to do it again.”
Abdirak let out a small hum of approval. “So would I, dear one. So would I.”
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