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#the movie is silly but not unrealistic when it comes to what military and corporations will do for profit
rainbow-femme · 2 years
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“The military and corporation in Avatar are cartoonish and unrealistic for killing people without remorse over a mineral” My good babe that exact thing has happened multiple times
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real talk: movie reviews
Your review/opinion of a movie is complete worthless shit if you dont base it off its intent and needlessly compare it to other things.
a comedy is suppose to be funny, a drama is suppose to be dramatic. If you were to talk about how Jaws wasnt funny enough and gave your kids nightmares cus it was to scary, as a criticism of a movie your review would be stupid, yes?
You have to go into a story, a movie or a series with sincerity. If you are going in thinking “i hope this isnt as bad as i think its going to be” or w/e then you are going in with prejudice. Its not the producers or actors or writers fault if you dont WANT to enjoy the movie, its YOUR fault.
“it had bad acting” ...well....no probably not. You probably mean the Acting was to campy, or the acting wasnt realistic enough, or the acting didnt convey what i think was meant to be conveyed. There are multiple forms of acting. If you want every great historically awesome groundbreaking movie that was filmed in the 20th century they ALL have horrible acting. Except they arent. Thats what acting was like back then. I am not a fan of older movies because they are heavily dialogue based. They focus on monologues and banter and i find the whole thing very boring. But i’m not an fucking idiot, and so i recognize that its a Different Style and dont go around bad mouthing it.
“its plot was obvious”...well was it suppose to be? I mean people say there are no orginal stories. it doesnt matter WHAT happens but Why. the devil is in the details. I mean if you told me that Dumbledor dies that ...wouldnt be a problem because I dont know WHY he dies, HOW he dies, WHO kills him , WHEn he dies and all the information surrounding that event. Like if the movie is a Jurassic film you know its going to go wrong...thats a given. you might as well insult a horror movie for being scary. Thats just....like...reality. Movies about a lack of conflict arent entertaining. You need conflict. So the movie is about when things go wrong. In order for this to be a valid criticism you’d have to explain why the simple plot is a bad thing
“the villains were obvious”...most villains are. Like we literally have one in the white house right now. If your point is that people would stop obviously villainous people right away you’d be wrong. if your point is people would have a problem working with villains you’d be wrong. We literally have businessmen in real life saying that poor people deserve to die, so how does a fictional villain saying that he’s going to sell a dinosaur to some mafia guys like any different?
“dexu ex machina” first of all i dont think that word means what you think it means. its a reference to the machine of the gods, meaning the moments in plays when the plot could not be resolved so they had the gods come in and fix everything.  It does NOT mean “the heroes got spared because an event out of their control changed the situation”. heck thats often how the conflict starts in the first place.
and again one has to consider the GENRE and intent of the movie.
Like i love all the Jurassic movies...because they are good and fun. Thats just how they are. They have philisophical debates, they have intercharacter conflict (romance or divorces) that leads to cute banter. They have things going horribly out of control. they have contrived coincedences that are fun or funny.
They have heroes barely escaping horrible situations through nothing but luck. Like thats whats fun about it! If you dont like it thats fine but to Insult something just cus you dont like it is idiotic and shows how unprofessional you are.
I HATE coffee but i dont insult it or people who like it
Like in preparation for the next movie i watched jurassic world again and was reminded of all the fun i had.
The horrific Irony of corporate scientiests saying things like “it ate its sister” and that look where you can see they are desperately trying to ignore that big warning sign cus they are trying to be optimistic.
the shot with the dinosaur foot thats actuallly a raven’s foot that plays with audiences expectations of a dramatic scene change of violence “oh  but its actually something harmless” that is common in these movies (they’ve had one for ever movie) while also lampshading the fact that birds are related to dinosaurs. Thats some top notch movieing
the silly divorce plotline that brought humanity to the cast, that kinda showed that the people who end up in horrible situations are people just trying to deal with their things. Not to mention how its almost always tied to the plot? Like how in Jurassic 3 them trying to save their child helped the mother and father heal their relationship, How the brothers attempts to overcome his shittyness because his brother is worried about the divorce leads him to do something dangerous that almost gets them killed
The silly situations and black comedy like in Jurassic 2 where the guy gets eaten in front of hte blockbuster and you hear his comedic “Ug, uuuggk” like the  slowly dying version of the Wilhelm scream. In jurassic world  you had the cute comedy of the frustrated Tourguide person “guys i just work here” and the pteredon stopping right before it would have impaled one of the heroes. The indominous being indignant at the weird things screaming at it so it screams at them back because she’s a petulant child.
And like people give it to much shit and it usually means the critic is being an idiot about it. Like it wasnt Clair it was Masrani who wanted  send in the soldiers with non lethals. Ppl want to talk about the light measures they took but the whole problem wasnt caused by the park but by a rogue scientist creating military grade upgrades without the company knowing about it. Ppl want to talk about how unrealistic the dinosaurs are but they arent dinosaurs? its even discussed within the movie that they are hybrid abominations made to look like what people think dinosaurs are.
and that moment where the nerd guy tries to like ...be all heroic “someone has to stay” to impress his girl coworker to only find out that she’s not that impressed, has a boyfriend and that he’s projecting this romance on their relationship where there is none and gets shot down, is like the single greatest moment in cinematic history, i loved it!
(though Claire utilizing her unique position as the person in charge to risk her   life to use the parks oldest and most iconic asset in order to kill the indominous is a close second).
Like...we get it. You are pretentious and mean and get off on telling other people how things are terrible..
but if you dont mind we are going to be over here having fun? and we are going to keep getting Fun quirky movies about unrealistic dinosaurs and contrived coincedences and campy villians and shitty love stories that take place in the background and these type of movies are going to exist forever because they are FUN
And if you dont like it, die mad about it
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junker-town · 4 years
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What sports movie and TV show should we stream as soon as Disney+ launches?
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Donkey football. Straight-to-TV movies and more!
Disney+ launches on Nov. 12 and the corporate overlords at the Mickey Factory are whetting our appetites with a slow rollout of every movie we can expect on the service.
We started noticing there are a lot of sports movies being made available, and honestly there are some none of us have ever heard before. Some of these look good, others exceptionally dumb to the point of us wondering if it’s even worth our time — but in any event these are the movies we’re oddly looking forward to checking out.
I want to watch Gus, this movie about a lonely football donkey.
Gus (1976) pic.twitter.com/Pyfsq9AdEi
— Disney+ (@disneyplus) October 14, 2019
I don’t know anything about Gus. I don’t need to know anything more about Gus. I already know that I want to see Gus more than any movie I have in my life. Here’s what I can glean from the poster alone:
Donkey plays football.
Someone made the donkey a helmet.
It looks sad.
That poppy-out-eye-guy Don Knotts is yelling a lot.
His sweatshirt says “ATOMS,” but it really looks like “NOMS.”
I looked up the poster and somehow it made me EVEN MORE invested in seeing Gus.
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via Wikipedia.org
I’m honestly angry at myself that I haven’t seen Gus. God I’m hoping there isn’t some regrettable stuff in this movie. I don’t want to get Milkshake Gus’d.
— James Dator
I want to watch Brink! as soon as humanly possible
Brink! (1998) pic.twitter.com/xE79dGMXSX
— Disney+ (@disneyplus) October 14, 2019
First of all, please respect the exclamation point in the title. This movie is called Brink!
Of all the sports content coming to Disney+, I’m most excited and concerned about the Disney Channel Original Movie can of worms, and what it might do to my Shows To Have On In The Background While Looking At My Phone queue.
They made so many movies about sports, too! Johnny Tsunami, Double Teamed, Luck of the Irish, The Thirteenth Year was kinda about swimming.
But Brink! is the standard here. Team Pup N Suds forever. Soul Skating forever. Take my money, Disney.
— Michael
Getting Disney+ for Cadet Kelly, thank you
Cadet Kelly (2002) pic.twitter.com/xffkm51ADa
— Disney+ (@disneyplus) October 14, 2019
If you were a fan of the Disney Channel in the early 2000s, you know that Lizzie McGuire and Even Stevens were must-watch shows. Which meant that Cadet Kelly was a must-watch movie. It was a little like Glee for military school. Hilary Duff stars as the title character, Kelly Collins, who is forced to enroll at a military academy when her stepfather becomes the Commandant (because there are somehow no other schools in the area).
Christy Carlson Romano co-stars as Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone, a commanding officer, who is not impressed by Collins. The two end up being rivals, both for the attention of a boy (yawn) and just out of general dislike. Stone makes Collins’ life miserable, leading to Collins serving a punishment by cleaning the uniforms of the drill team. Collins is initially unimpressed by the team, but takes a liking to it and works hard to join. Standing in her way, naturally, is Stone, who is in charge of the team and not exactly thrilled with the idea.
The two face-off in an unrealistic and silly drill battle on the school lawn. The camp factor would probably be the charm of this movie when watched nearly 20 years after its release.
You might be wondering why I included this on a sports list. It’s simple, really. If you’ve ever watched a drill competition, drilldown, or colorguard performance, you will know that they take an incredible amount of athleticism, precision as well as physical and mental agility. As with most things Disney-related, it’s a bit watered down for general consumption. But if you watch a Northern California winterguard team toss wooden rifles or sabres in the air, get them to spin a half dozen or more times before catching them between their legs, you will agree that they are athletes. So this is a sports movie (it is centered around competitions, after all), and a fun bit of nostalgia for the early 2000s era of Disney.
— Sami Higgins
The Replacements is every sports movie in one
"I need you to get me the ball" The Replacements#movie #movielover #moviescene #NFL #football pic.twitter.com/G4BI4leAkh
— Not Megamind (@NotMegaMind) October 13, 2019
Grizzled old coach? Yup. Reluctant hero pushing through the mental blocks and self-doubt that cripples him? Got it. A music score which basically defines every emotion that is supposed to be playing out on the screen? You betcha.
Wait. How about the entire movie coming down to the last play and everyone is on the edge of their seats — Nay! STANDING IN ANTICIPATION! — until it all unfolds in the very way you think it will? Abso-frickin-lutely.
The Replacements is not the kind of movie that is going to throw twists and turns at you or catch you off guard. It is a cut-and-dry feel-good movie which takes us through a professional football strike with a team of — you guessed it — replacement players who no one thinks can ever come together to win anything. Thankfully, there is just enough dancing, wrenching injuries and bad life choices, and too-good-to-be-true moments to make up for the inability of the ragtag players to see eye-to-eye and just agree to play some football.
However, there are bright spots. Gene Hackman does a nice job as the head coach (not Hoosiers nice, but nice enough) and we get some competent football playing instead of just the normal montage and flashy sequences of people being crushed by blocks or blown up by tackles. And, you know, it’s just entertaining without having to work your brain too hard.
There are intense, gut-wrenching football movies out there. There are sports movies that will definitely leave you breathless. The Replacements is not those. But it is stupid fun, with some OK actors playing in some OK roles. You could go much, much worse (ahem — The Game Plan), you can get about the same (like Ice Princess) or you can go much, much better (The Sandlot, Miracle, Remember the Titans — all of which I would pick above The Replacements but were such obvious choices I decided to spare you) when Disney+ begins streaming, but you might as well watch The Replacements while you’re at it.
— Sam Eggleston
Double Teamed is the best basketball movie ever
Double Teamed (2002) pic.twitter.com/IsvDPBNSvS
— Disney+ (@disneyplus) October 14, 2019
The 2002 Disney Channel classic Double Teamed tells the story of real life twins and eventual WNBA players Heidi and Heather Burge. This flick has it all: The pushy father that wants his girls to attend a new school to up their chance at better scholarships, the sister that doesn’t want to play sports who instead joins the cast of the school play, and the friend whose father can’t come to games because he’s too much of a big time business man.
And this, the most savage ankle breaking move in basketball history:
I remember that this pump fake was The Move that won the championship, it got like 7 slo-mo scenes and a training montage pic.twitter.com/pYgBDoboeI
— Micah Peters (@micahpeters_) October 14, 2019
Never mind that the Burge twins are supposed to be 6-5 high schoolers and played by slightly-taller-than-average grown women that don’t look alike.
Am I partial to this because Heather and Heidi eventually went to the University of Virginia to play basketball? Maybe. Is this movie a classic that you should watch immediately? Absolutely.
— Caroline Darney
Alley Cats Strike will make you want to go bowling
Alley Cats Strike is one of the best Disney Channel original movies ever created. At least, that’s how my 8-year-old mind remembers it.
Bowling is fun if you’re doing it casually with friends, but this movie made me want to actually bowl competitively. It also has one of the best scenes that I’m just going to drop here:
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If you grew up and had seen this movie, there’s no way you didn’t want to try what Delia did to get the spare.
The subscription is worth this movie alone. Again, that’s 8-year-old me talking here.
— Harry Lyles Jr.
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