#the mortifying ordeal of being forgotten
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when a character says ‘i see you’ to another character as a way of telling them ‘I know the truth of you, and, regardless, I love you.’
#while this about me having just finished nimona#DON’T for a second I’ve ever forgotten about Martin ‘I see you Jon’ Blackwood.#JUST so you know. even though the speaker of that line’s role is reversed in those scenarios it STANDSSSSS.#fuck the mortifying ordeal of being known#how about the magical experience of being known and loved regardless.
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L-FUCKING-MAO,
What sort of loser actually thinks the ending of The World's End is "~forgetable~"?
Bitch, your entire existence is "~forgetable~".
Filmbros (well, certainly 99.95% of them) really are the weakest species out there.
Like, sure, it's not my most beloved of movies, but I actually understood the message of it. And it did hit hard, you know? How about you learn how to deal with your feelings in any other way besides suppressing them and acting as if nothing is there and maybe then you'll calm down.
And be truly appreciative of human art, for that matter, too.
#the world's end#i mean#really all of our existences are '~forgetable~' in the grand scheme of things#but that's the tragic and beauty of life#and that is also the reason why we all do subject ourselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known#but i digress#how dare you insult simon pegg and edgar wright in this way anyway?#like. i am not even that much of an Edgar Wright fangirl (or any real person fangirl); but i AM appreciative of someone's SKILL#and artistry#hot fuzz#shaun of the dead#the cornetto trilogy#i demand justice for the cornetto trilogy#people seem to have forgotten what art is i guess?#or do they just refuse to acknowledge it because of the implications it might have for their lives?#(and of course for the integrity of their feelings i guess. but here's the shit.)#THE UNIVERSE DOESN'T FUCKING CARE FOR YOUR PWECIOUS WITTLE FEELINGS AND HOW MUCH THEY HURT!#and that is why we comfort each other
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Sometimes, sadness can be felt at my fingertips just with the smidge of a ghost. Not even a full one. Just a past smile, a hug that won’t happen again, a warm conversation before that big misunderstanding or a barely recognizable dream where that conflict that broke bonds never happened. Sometimes, you don’t need an utopia to feel a melancholic, happy emptiness. Sometimes all you need is the nostalgia for voices that will not be sounding in your direction as warm and as safe as they were anymore.
#dark acadamia quotes#poets corner#thoughts#you ever just yearn#a heart that yearns#yearning#soft academia#relatable#am i weird#the mortifying ordeal of being perceived#and forgotten
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I actually don’t want to be known or forgotten but actually a secret third thing
#the mortifying ordeal of being known versus the horrifying possibility of being forgotten#also don’t want to talk to people but still want to communicate#rory rambles
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I think the true difference between soap and ghost is simple
The mortifying ordeal of being forgotten - its why he talks and laughs and loves, and why he journals. To be remembered. And to remember who is no longer.
Vs
The terrifying ordeal of being known - quiet, does his job, no need for anyone else. Can't get hurt if you're not known. Nobody to desecrate your grave if they don't know you exist; though suppose nobody to fix it up either
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Hi. Update of random shit in case anyone cares.
The scary test I was stressed over in the fall when I was posting my last fic? It was the CFP (Certified Financial Planner) exam. Yes, I passed it. The designation requires a bachelor's degree, so I had to go back to school to finish my last 10 classes. Then I had to take 7 more classes that are pre-reqs for the exam. Then I spent probably 700 hours attempting to cram everything you could think of related to personal finance (my god, there is a metric shit ton) into my head. The designation also requires 5,000 hours of experience in the planning field (which I thankfully already had). By the time I passed the test, I was no longer proud of the accomplishment, just relieved to have it behind me.
Work was intensely busy in November and December. I got little reading and no writing done.
I have a WIP featuring the Darcy/Rumlow pairing that has been languishing on my computer since 2020. To be honest, I've mosty forgotten what the conflict driving the plot was going to be. I think I was trying to tie it into the events of Wandavision. Took place after the show and had Monica Rambeau and Darcy kinda sorta working together and trying to figure out what, if anything, crossing the barrier that Wanda had thrown up did to them. Of course, Rumlow is alive and scarred and back with the good guys. And also really annoyed that his recent gunshot wound stuck him on desk duty watching the nerds complete their physicals as part of employee onboarding. Darcy doesn't want to have gym class with Rumlow, and Rumlow doesn't want to be there either but he's also kinda into the sassy brunette who tried to sweet talk him into passing her without making her run a mile. In the chapter or two I did write, the banter between Darcy and Rumlow was so fun, so I'd love to go back to it and try to move it along.
I got sucked into reading Draco/Hermione fanfic recently. Blame those damn Snow edits from the latest Hunger Games movie. Guys, I have never read those books or seen the movies, but blonde Tom Blyth is looking like the fanfic Draco of my dreams. How dare. This rabbit hole led to me deciding I needed to write a Dramione piece. It's maybe 6 pages and has gone nowhere even though I have a vague idea of the plot. My muse is struggling.
I found my old folder of all the fic I wrote in the past 20 years. There are still a couple hockey fics I haven't posted to AO3. There are also Anita Blake fics (I was a hardcore Anita/Edward girlie) and Harry Potter fics (don't cancel me but I used to write Snape/Hermione; NO student/teacher stuff though). I think I have an old Doctor Who fic featuring Nine/Rose (yes, I'm a Nine girlie). And a very old Forgotten Realms fic that paired Catti-Brie up with Jarlaxle. Look, I don't know. It was ages ago. With the exception of the hockey fics, I do not think any of these are of the same quality I've posted on AO3, but I've been toying with the idea of trying to clean them up and posting them so more of my work is archived together instead of spread over various fan sites. Does anyone have any interest at all in reading this shit? Like, at all?
I decided 2024 is going to be my book binding era. I bound isthisselfcare's Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love a couple weeks ago. I did all the typesetting with the help of some macros. Printed it, folded the signatures (the booklets that comprise the book), sewed them together with waxed linen thread, glued the text block together with some mull, and used chip board and book cloth to make the case. It feels and looks like a book, y'all! I could do a better job with lining the signatures up when punching the holes for sewing and with the measurements on the case, but overall I am pretty proud of it. If anyone is interested, I can link a nice tutorial series on TT and/or post progress pictures I took during my book binding experiment. I have to say, it's exciting to have the ability to put my fav fanfics on my physical bookshelf.
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Hi please can you give me some good Draco and hermione fics? Xxx
Idk if you want full length or oneshots, but I’ll go for full length.
To start off the list, I am FINALLY reading manacled. I’m on chapter 55 or somewhere around there and it is in fact amazing, but please PLEASE check trigger warnings. It’s not for everyone and I definitely wouldn’t give it to anyone as their first Dramione fic.
The Disappearances of Draco Malfoy - this one feels so in character and like it could actually be the last book. Loved it a lot and it’s one of the ones I read more recently meaning in the past year.
The Gloriana Set- I’ll be so honest I’ve forgotten most of this one but clearly I enjoyed it a lot or it wouldn’t be in my saved 😭
Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love- I can’t stress enough how much this is one of my favorite fics I’ve read. It took me a couple chapters to get into but IT’S SO SLOW BURN AND SO GENUINELY FUNNY and the author has a book being published next year that I’ll definitely be purchasing.
Twinned Quills- I also don’t remember much of this one but sometimes I enter a haze when I read these lmao. It’s in my saved so past me loved something in it!
Remain Nameless- genuinely cannot eat a blueberry scone without thinking of this fic. It’s SO good and felt super in character.
Things We’re all too Young to Know- this fic felt very unique and I remember especially enjoying the first half!
The Rights and Wrongs Series- I shove this one so far down literally everyone’s throat and I will continue to do so! SOOOO good. Some of my favs. The pining from draco in this is top tier.
Also, go read the fallout if you haven’t. I don’t have a link to it on hand and I don’t feel comfortable linking random people’s google docs that I’ve found, but it can be found with a google search. It’s just not on the fic websites anymore.
#this isn’t comprehensive at all but it’s a great place to start#Dramione#Dramione fics#Dramione fic recs#fic recs
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Marchil crumbs masterpost
Because I can and I will.
Someone already made a tiny one way back but I lost it idk if it was here or on reddit… And we’re so small that we have no tag… I can’t credit you sorry marchil warrior you are not forgotten. I’ll definitely updating this whenever I find a new crumb. We’ve already reached the 30 pics cap part 2 coming soon. They do interact a ton I suppose. As always it’s not because I put moments on here that I’m saying they’re inherently romantic blablabla.
Part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7
My vision: Corrupt (money) bitter divorcee and corrupt (magic) hopeless romantic. Emotional constipation vs emotional intelligence. Streets savvy vs prestigious academic. Girl with the longest lifespan possible who has trauma over loss x guy with the shortest lifespan who has trauma over past romance. They would take their romantic interest to the fricking grave.
Halfling vs elf. Emotionally distant vs clingy and needy… Not that Chilchuck doesn’t seek her attention plenty ngl. By all means they are so incompatible and yet their dynamic is so delightful, opposites certainly do attract if Kui’s to be believed because these two constantly drift towards each other, even if it’s mostly on a platonic level of course.
To me they're the embodiment of "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known". Oh actually that'd apply to Laios and Dunmeshi as a whole as well-
She’s his worst nightmare. Opening up to someone?? The audacity to ask that of him. She raises his blood pressure to dangerous levels. He would risk his life for her.
—
HIS WORST NIGHTMARE (what he needs). She's classified as a friend who won’t shut up btw
Notice how on the dating sim chapter cover, the clicky hand is always on the choice he ended up choosing in canon except for two, Falin’s and Marcille’s. Meaning he may have hesitated on it, on telling her she was pretty?
It’s notable that Marcille is the main victim of his teasing, he criticizes Laios and everyone plenty but teasing is done much more towards her than anyone else, and we can see that it is something he enjoys. Perhaps one of the things that put him in a good mood the most, besides alcohol and laughing at others in general lol. Here’s a post compiling a lot of that teasing: link
He often confronts her about things and teases/insults her but it's always without any real animosity, sometimes having problems with her actions but never disliking her.
She craves his approval? More likely than you think.
Chilchuck having a sparkly flustered Marcille on his mind and failing to pull her ponytail so she'd give him her attention the right way, then being devastated when she claps back lol. For as much as he teases her, she’s very much able to stand up for herself when it goes too far and to challenge him on some flaws he may have.
Marcille’s canon shapeshifter of Chilchuck is the most convincing one/last one standing! In which he was nicer because Marcille still had some trouble not seeing him as young and thus innocent. Which besides the whole age thing, her having an accurate but nicer version of Chilchuck in her mind is pretty flattering lol
In the earlier chapters they stick by each other the most, often sharing knowing glances and judging the other together. They share this complicity and "wow finally someone sane in this party" energy that none of the others have in quite that way. Comrades in disgust.
-----
He cannot escape her gossip, she will not rest until she knows all and has met his family and romanticized his life and relationships. She’s the one who pushes Chilchuck to be more open about himself the most. Which, we do also see her being jealous when Chilchuck opens up more to others instead of her, like pic below.
Moreover, we see that she’s able to read him like a book to the point that it freaks him out!! Oh the horror of being known… Relationship goals, freak him out bc you understand him so well
Oh can I just point out as well that they're the only ones who saw each other's succubus. Like wow knowing each other's most alluring form? Dayum
When doing her theory about what happened between him and his wife, the pictures where her roleplaying as his wife, like literally with her being a half-foot like in the changeling chapters and the mini chilchuck for a baby lmaooo. Which I just now realized that means Marcille’s question about if his wife has blonde hair is valid, we technically don’t know if he already liked blondes or if it’s an acquired taste. Give me a sec to recover from that-
But yeah Marcille is so people-obsessed that she catalogues every little detail about someone, like how Chilchuck complains when he has to wait after someone… She notices things and takes them in stride even if they’re flaws. (In first page, it's the bottom row middle panel)
She wanted to sleep in his bed when Izutsumi was being clingy and she didn't want to sleep alone <3
Here he goes to her to either help her stay upright or comfort her… Uncharacteristic of him but very sweet. What are you gonna do if she collapses on you big guy, collapse along in a show of solidarity?
He's been shown to make sure Marcille stays safe a few times as well, like below. No I will not accept "she's the healer of the party" as a full explanation. He really does get an arc, from not wanting to be anywhere near the battlefield to sticking by his party members. Unlike Laios, Senshi and Izutsumi they both tend to hang in the back in battles, I love how they often strategize together as well.
The reverse is also sometimes true. Especially with how non-shy Marcille is with physical contact, interestingly she's way less delicate about saving others than him lol.
He’s the only one shown to flinch when she makes a noisein the bath which leads me to think he’s the one most flustered by the whole Marcille changing and bathing close by thing, it prob doesn’t help that he has great hearing but yeah, he seems to be hyperaware of her presence in those instances and overreacts.
"Come with me and braid my hair every day!" Meanwhile Chilchuck is fighting for his life holding her at an arm’s length
I can’t believe this is on his ADVENTURER’S BIBLE DESCRIPTION like that thing is one big paragraph about his whole character and you allotted that important limited space for this. Kui do you hear yourself
Part 2 here
#Dungeon meshi#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#marchil#Marcille x chilchuck#Chilchuck x marcille#Funny story before I knew there was already a good ship name (marchil) i was using every other iteration like marchuck and chilcille#Shipping crumbs#i’ve never multishipped as much as for Dunmeshi it’s kinda wild#You will never know my next move never know what ship i’ll talk about next#This ship is so ancient and has survived the war for me. Ok peepaw let’s get me back to bed#Oh and pls don’t come for me for calling Chil money corrupt I don’t mean it that seriously i swear. Just in the money > friends sense#That we saw a lot from him at first#i got so much laimar crumbs while looking for marchil ones too. man these are tedious and tiring to make tho#i am every dunmeshi fan afraid of shipping's worst nightmare#does that make the community chilchuck and me Marcille
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chapter 10 is up!
So this time my girlfriend was literally watching me last night as I posted Chapter 10 of Say More, "a very crucial chapter, a chapter that we have all been waiting for," she says. (And I will say also that I am very proud of this chapter and think it's very hot!) And then I closed the computer.
"Babe," said girlfriend.
"What?" I said, not fully having heard.
"Babe," said she.
"Oh, that's what I thought you said," I said, putting the computer away.
"The tumblr post!!!" she said.
I looked at her in panic, having forgotten and also not wanting to have to endure the mortifying ordeal of being known on tumblr dot com.
You must know my girlfriend to truly appreciate the laughter that ensued, the way she absolutely topples into mirth, the great peals of laughter that issued forth, the true hilarity she found in the fact that I had once more forgotten to advertise my fic on this illustrious website. "I thought you would figure it out when I said 'babe,'" she said eventually.
I must have still looked forlorn, because she told me that I could post the next day, and then she fell asleep.
Happy reading!
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Finding it fascinating to see the non 0 amount of persona fans out there who interpret Ryuji’s character as being homophobic, and even more baffling than that are the examples people keep citing like. “Well what about that time in shinjuku!?” (<- was literally being harassed, very good excuse to be uncomfortable) or “but he doesn’t like it if you try to confess to him at the dance-“ No. stop. What are you even talking about. Not only is he not the only one who reacts that way, but who wouldn’t react that way?? Have we all forgotten what it’s like to be 16-17 and everything in the world is the most mortifying ordeal known to man? I’m gay as hell- real bona fide boy liker- and if some guy tried to pull that shit on me I would also tackle him off the stage. Not to mention the idea that him being attracted to women somehow also equates being the resident homophobe? Like yeah sometimes he makes comments like “wouldn’t you rather have a girl here?” But that’s not necessarily even internalized homophobia, it’s just compulsory heteronormativity (which is not the same thing!!) Idk all I’m saying is that he just. Isn’t like that? He has no problems with his masculinity, he never makes comments about trying to be more of a man or even equating sexuality to masculinity, and he has NO problem openly displaying affection to Joker, so where is the idea of internalized homophobia even coming from? Is it just bc Yosuke is the king of internalized homophobia and best friend guy=same character? Bc if so then I’m begging people to pay any more attention to Ryuji than literally none at all, because while he does seem to have potential problems when it comes to examining his own sexuality, there is truly no reason to assume he would ever have a problem with it
#hmm. that turned into slightly more of an essay than I intended#but fuck it whatever#I have been thinking about it all day#and I’m the Ryuji guy so I had to say it#ryuji sakamoto#persona 5#p5#skaterboy speaks#about: Ryuji <3#boy do I hope this was coherent
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Maybe I journalize to organize my feelings and write down important things that happened so I can remember and look back on them. Or maybe it’s the prospect that someday after I die someone will find those journals. The thought is both mortifying and exciting. Can you imagine? After you die and having written so much in a journal that you leave a piece of yourself behind in an obscure small way? It’s not even certain that those journals won’t be thrown away or forgotten, but imagine. After you die and the journals are intact think of the possibilities! Maybe a grand-child or someone in the far future family will come across the journals in some dusty bin tucked away in the far corners of the house and read about you and get to know you that others could never. Get to know you despite not being there. Or maybe in the far future when humanity ends, or the apocalypse occurs and humanity has to rebuild itself, the future civilizations will come across your journals and get idea of what life was like before. Can you imagine? *shaking you* can you imagine that ordeal? If being known after you’re long gone? Of someone reading your most intimate thoughts and never having actually met you? Maybe the journal will be tossed to some donation store and someone will come across the journal and decide to take it home. To continue living on through a journal that may be found. Maybe these moments are too embarrassing to share with those around me, I could never show them my journal, those memories may be important to only me, my daily rambling, and rants, and perhaps they’d be worth burning to erase that, but in the future after you die isn’t it mortifying and exciting that someone you’ve never met read them? That far future historians will see your journal as a historical piece?
#journaling#emotions#late night#late night thoughts#maybe I won’t be famous or known for something#but maybe I could be known to one person in an obscure kind of way
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—OCS as OBSCURE ASSOCIATIONS
hi nobody tagged me in this i just remembered it existed and have a new girl to talk at nauseam abt without actually Saying anything so here we go ✨but i will tag some besties to do it for their clowns so!! @ghostfvcker @bloodskinandteeth @loriane-elmuerto @shellibocs @unholymilf @florbelles @gwynbleidd @killerspinal @simply-jason @risingsh0t @muchadoaboutnot @teamhawkeye @lxmbert @scalpelsister @leviiackrman @xtinafrye @jendoe and you!
ANIMAL: spiders, arabian horses.
COLORS: gold. orange. blush pink. sage green. the colors of the desert.
MONTH: august.
SONGS: spectre, radiohead. african velvet, air. solitude, m83.
NUMBER: nine.
PLANTS: bird of paradise. peace lily. ginkgo.
SMELLS: smoke jasmine. dust. patchouli. cashmere.
TIME OF DAY: twilight.
GEMSTONE: topaz.
SEASON: the warmest spring.
PLACES: a dusty, forgotten manor. the arabian desert. a clawfoot bathtub in a candlelit bathroom. standing in front of a mirror. an empty ballroom.
FOOD: baklava. lamb. bruschetta.
DRINKS: hot tea. white wine. peach juice.
ELEMENT: air, with a touch of water.
ASTROLOGICAL SIGNS: virgo, aquarius, pisces. i do not know enough abt astrology anymore to assign her sun moon and rising specifically but it’s these three.
SEASONING: nutmeg. cardamom. cloves.
WEATHER: overbearing heat.
SKY: clear, starry night sky.
MAGICAL POWER: teleportation.
WEAPON: a shard of glass from a broken mirror. garrote.
SOCIAL MEDIA: she would so be a pinterest girlie.
MAKEUP PRODUCT: mascara. extends those eyelashes so she can bat them.
CANDY: salted caramels.
METHOD OF LONG DISTANCE TRAVEL: horse through the desert.
ART STYLE: rococo.
FEAR: her personal fear being the mortifying ordeal of being known and loved anyway, however she is the fear of isolation. as an embodiment.
MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE: phoenix.
PIECE OF STATIONARY: papyrus scroll.
THREE EMOJIS: 🕸️🍯🕯️
CELESTIAL BODY: a shooting star.
#feel free to ignore this entirely btw cs. it’s Alot#and also i miss all the random oc posting i did on my old blog thats LOST FOREVER cs im capital d Dum and nuked it#anyways here’s wonderwall#this is so fun i will do it for all my ocs eventually#i just have to uhhh make the headers sbbdjsnsja#oc: odette haliçi
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Ok ive actually been on a HUGE dramione kick so this is what ive read an enjoyed lately
Better Off Forgotten
Measure of a Man
Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love
Her Beauty and the Moonlight
Timeless
Unforgivable
Things We're All Too Young to Know
And my all time favorite Aurelian
These are all kind of long, and differ in theme (the top one better off forgotten is kind of dark) Let me know if you end up reading any of them! Also many congratulations on the baby!!!
Thank you so much!!!!
#dramione#in general so many dramiones seem to be very long#I saw this tik tok and the person was like ‘it’s a short one#only 100k’#lmao
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pressed — a Dream-perspective Dreamling playlist
notes: so uh. this is basically... a response to neil's ask about dream & calliope's wedding, in playlist form, because... yeah. so... 12 songs for dream's vulnerability when it comes to falling in love. it's songs from dream to hob. it is... big emotions. the mortifying ordeal of being known. etc. etc.
-tracks-
ginger and pear - pressed
nick mulvey - fever to form
the staves - steady
rosemary & garlic - i'm here
fenne lily - top to toe
roo panes - know me well
jono mccleary - darkest light
wolf larsen - if i be wrong
tuvaband - unknown
axel flóvent - forest fires
liza anne - lost
billie marten - heavy weather
- lyrics below the cut -
ginger & pear // pressed
bring me home
pick me and press me
in the big dictionary you keep on the shelf
i belong
nestled and swaddled
in words, to preserve me for years
and when winter arrives, i'll still be here
and when spring comes around, i'll still be here
pressed in the shape that you found me most beautiful
paper thin and petals like laces, i
wait until it's time to unveil me
maybe now i'll be delicate
at least for a season or two
and when summer arrives, i'll still be here
and when autumn comes blowing, i'll be here
pressed and beloved, or forgotten
that's all up to you
paper thin and veins on display, i
wait until i'm transparent and ready
maybe now i'll be knowable
i can learn not to ache for your hands
nick mulvey // fever to the form
'cause the very thing you're afraid, afraid of
it keeps you clean but unclear - clean but unclear
is the dirt that you're made, you're made of
and that's nothing to fear
no, it's nothing, my dear
but how do i know what you're thinking?
maybe i thought it before
maybe that's why i'm at your window
hear me at your door
singing, "give me some more"
oh, fever to the form
won't you hear me at your door
singing "give me some more"?
'cause you were never empty
and we've been here before
the staves // steady
steady, steady, steady
you steady touch our love so much, i'm sleepless
rabbit in a snare, why you sleeping softly in your bed?
when unruly wild blood is pumping, why you running scared?
and the line will read that i was never here
can you see from where you're standing
and the line will read that i was never here
can you hear where i'm coming from?
rosemary & garlic // i'm here
here we found a place to stay
build a house in the woods
you'll find it safe
it's small, though the light comes in
then you say that it has a fire within
then you sketched the trees
and a path underneath for those who leave
and i am a lover and a friend to you
a part of your palette, a shade of blue
i am
i am here
here
i am here
and i have you grateful by my side
you are all my colors and my light
fenne lily // top to toe
tell me i'm a time you'll miss
feelings always change like this
but you are all the words i need
to explain myself, it seems
so i'm changing all my days
to make your nights
won't you take me to your bed?
i should have said
i need you more
roo panes // know me well
well, you know me with that ancient gaze
you strip me down with yesterday's eyes
you know me as i was but see me as i will be
and i still had a lot of growing when you took me
and you shaped me with those hands
you know me better than myself,
make me better than i am
you know me well, you know me well, you know me well
when i think upon my past i see i loved you
many years before you came
in my hopes and my dreams
with the wax and the moon wane
what can i fear when i know that i walk by your side?
you're the fortress within which i've got nothing to hide
none can take me; i'm the tower the world couldn't fell
'cause i'm stronger when i know you know me well
jono mccleary // darkest light
you have been strong in my mind today
my love is dying to be on your way
why am i always drawn to the darkest light?
it seems that i believe i can help it shine
so let me see the lines upon your face
invite me in to dance in your darkest place
to dance in your darkest place
can we dance in your darkest place?
wolf larsen // if i be wrong
what if i'm wrong, what if i've lied,
what if i've dragged you here to my own dark night?
and what if i know, what if i see
there is a crack run right down the front of me?
what if they're right, what if they're wrong,
what if i've lured you here with a siren song?
but if i be wrong, if i be right
let me be here with you tonight
ten thousand cars, ten thousand trains
there are ten thousand roads to run away
and i have been wrong, i have been right
i have been both these things all in the same night
so if i be wrong, if i be right
let me stay here with you tonight
tuvaband // unknown
fear showed me how fragile this is
i seem to lean back on my heels
and i want to meet you halfway
but i cannot yet
would you wait for me?
until the unknown
would you wait for me
until the unknown?
axel flóvent // forest fires
i'll be there in the summer
'cause your heart isn't safe
you won't go - you're not a runner
so you won't run away
if you could follow your heart gently
there wouldn't be this mess
your dreams are incredibly loud tonight
you're creating forest fires
i can't change your thoughts, my dear
i can't change your fears
but if you want i'll travel near
to make it disappear
liza anne // lost
i'll be lost if i love him
lost if i don't
oh, it seems i'm my own worst enemy
i'm doing it to myself
and i can't muster up the courage
to say it's best that i leave
i can't muster up much of anything
when i'm feeling you breathe
he's the sweet of a morning kiss
but there's a poison it holds
sticking thorns into my spine
but i won't let go
sticking thorns into my sight
but i keep my eyes closed
i'm doing it with my own heart
i won't let it mend
i'm doing it to myself
billie marten // heavy weather
when the sun rises heavy, if it rises at all
meet me there across the water and we'll start an endless storm
rain falls in love
together we walk the english winter
so caught up in one another
because if we're under thundershowers
the rain is ours and we are lovers of
heavy weather
come on, lightning, try to strike us
we might be frightened, but we won't run
we'd be so happy if we were fearless
and in the darkness, we will become
rain falls in love
we fall in love
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re: embarrassing jerk off incidents. one time i left a not insignificantly sized dildo out to dry on the sink. later that day my downstairs neighbour had water coming from the ceiling and some handymen came to check if if was coming from my bathroom. i had by then fully forgotten about the dildo and after fully five minutes of them checking out my shower in my tiny bathroom i suddenly remembered. i could see them trying not to look at it. literal elephant in the room. one of them was not even 18 i think. it was so embarrassing that i'm not even embarrassed i'm just baffled
LGVKFJLGKFJDL OH NO. anon i'm shaking hands with you in solidarity. sometimes the mortifying ordeal of being known is not a precursor to the rewards of being loved. sometimes we're just out here and people get to know things about us, unsolicited, because contact breeds intimacy. and sometimes that intimacy is something small. like a name. or something large. like a not insignificantly sized dildo.
which could be beautiful. if we let it. giant sink dildo could hold a larger human-wide truth to it.
#you me & roman can all shake hands. jerk off incident survived#to various levels of psychological detriment.
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Keep it in and we'll all get rich. This is "It Will Never Be Enough."
For his first wish: the mortifying ordeal of being known. I'm not even kidding.
Given that this series is just a front for an in-depth Nadakhan character study, there's really no other way to start than with the man himself. This design has been bouncing around my mind for a few years now, actually - it first came to mind before I had the skills to pull it off and has been tapping impatiently on my shoulder ever since. This past fall (yes, this has been in the works for months), that moment arrived. I felt confident enough in my artistic abilities to bring it to life, sparking this series and analysis.
So, back to the tagline: the mortifying ideal of being known and my bold claim that that's the first of Nadakhan's actual, character-defining wishes. It's a desire that becomes apparent early in his life, when he abandons his home to seek a life not defined by his royal heritage. And, somehow, he gets it: he spends decades, if not longer, practically ruling the Endless Sea. Nothing gold can stay, though, leading to his two-hundred-year stint imprisoned and a less-than-glamorous return to existence in Stiix. Shortly after that, though, there's a shocking development: he wants to go home. Generally, going home after a life of adventure is seen as a retreat of sorts, but it means something entirely different for Nadakhan. In episode 57, Flintlocke's the first to express surprise that Nadakhan wants to go back, leading into a telling exchange:
Flintlocke: But you said you'd never be welcomed back there. What about your father?
Nadakhan: Better to live in a world where you are hated than in a world where you are forgotten.
In short: Nadakhan refuses to exist where he won't be seen. No such thing as bad press, right? The sheer ridiculousness of framing teenagers for petty crime, the real possibility of being ostracized by his own home realm - it's all about attention. He's been alone for two hundred years, only to emerge in a world where he can't relive his glory days. Finding out his backup plan of being the resident black sheep in his home realm is off the table, well... that's just saltwater in the wound. That's also the start of his second secret wish, so that's where this chunk of the analysis stops and we get into:
The Outfit Breakdown
Because any Ninjago villain traditionally sets the tone for their season, I chose to go perhaps a little too hard on this design in order to have a pool of motifs to pull from later. It's also meant as a mirror to the quote this look is named after - truly, I could have added so much more to this look. I only stopped out of necessity when my art app started lagging. I still like the effect this gives off, especially in regard to Nadakhan's origin as a character. His existence draws from a dizzying number of tropes and sources, creating an unusual and unforgettable presence. We'll break this one down piece by piece.
Of course, we've got to start somewhere: this is heavily based on Nadakhan's (positively awful) human disguise from the season premiere. Oof, did someone get dressed in the dark or what? Pine jacket, red pants, a hairdo that literally prompts a total rando to call him a bozo - let's be nice and call it a difficult pairing. No drip. Anti-drip. Dry as the Sea of Sand. One of the first pieces of feedback I received on this design was "goth band prep goes to a holiday party," if that tells you anything. It never entirely got away from that, which I'm willing to embrace - it's a loud combination! This is the garb of an attention-seeker! Step into a holiday party in this and immediately trigger several record scratches. I just wanted to do it better, because the original iteration is not it.
Originally conceived as a stereotypical pirate jacket, the brocade silk-lined cape blazer came into its own after the friend who gave me the "goth band prep" feedback suggested amping up the drama. It was an inspired suggestion given that said friend knows nothing about Nadakhan - who was I trying to design a stereotypical pirate jacket to embody his character? A fool, that's who. This blazer features a few nods to his origins, both meta and in-universe: sharp lapels as a nod to the Dracula love story that fueled his arc and rich materials to suggest his royal heritage. The silver dangly sections on the clasp and shoulders are extra pointy to reference the silhouette of his iconic chestplate.
Beneath the jacket lies an emerald-and-silver corset intricately woven with a set of golden body chains. These were initially separate elements, but while I was drafting the choker and chains, I had a thought: what if it was all one piece? Thematically, this ended up making perfect sense - this is the world's most uncomfortable halter top, reflecting how his own rage and desires slowly choke out his relationships with his crew. Zoom in and you'll notice that these body chains permeate nearly every inch of the ensemble: as bracelets and arm chains, a pair of draped garter bracelets in the slits of the slacks, and even wrapped around the boots as anklets. These constitute a twist on the concept of the gilded cage, which I feel Nadakhan both experiences and weaponizes. They're intentionally subtle - as hard as he works to conceal his plans, his tragic greed is an integral part of his character, heightened by the dramatic irony of the audience getting to know him before the rest of his crew appears. That we know just what he wants, but the people closest to him (emotionally and physically) don't?? Beautiful. Give me more of that, please. In addition, silver filigree elements on the corset are meant to mirror Nadakhan's hook hand.
The collared shirt under the corset is purely functional (and designed to be reasonably easy to bring to life because FSM knows the rest of the design would be a nightmare to make) - the peach shade is both a nod at Nadakhan's coloring and a weak attempt to fend off Christmas outfit accusations. The original human outfit uses a white shirt, which doesn't blend in quite as well.
A silver glove on the mannequin's left hand calls to mind Nadakhan's hook hand and brings in a little bit of needed contrast. Despite his association with piracy, gold, and opulence, Nadakhan's canon metallic accents are all silver; this is deliberately overridden to heighten his strangling sense of greed. The glove, modeled after his hook, helps ground the outfit in canon.
Even though I don't think I'll ever bring these designs into the real world, I like to design them with a cosplay runway in mind. Simple as these velvet slacks are, they're meant as a stand-in for Nadakhan's.... lower body? Tail? (What are we calling that, y'all? It's been seven years and we haven't arrived at a consensus. I read a fic that called it his "lower area" once, and we definitely can't use that.) The smoky bit that's always moving? That part. The part that should be legs but isn't legs. Anyway, point is that it has some crimson shading and that it moves. So would these pants with a sassy enough runway walk. Beyond the rebellion implied by slashing massive slits into expensive pants, there's not a lot of symbolism here.
The leather boots are the first of two mirrors to Nadakhan's iconic heirloom weapon, the Sword of Souls (the name Djinn Blade, while entirely canonical, is simply not as cool): sparkling crystal wedge heels and thick leather, with the same hook filigree motif as the corset. After he acquires the Sword of Souls, much of Skybound's plot hinges on how Nadakhan chooses to use it; in the same way, the green crystal wedge heels physically support the entire look.
The second reference to the Sword of Souls is far more overt: a luxury handbag traced directly from the Sword's theatrical hilt. Made of pale leather and gleaming gold blades and chains, this handbag doesn't quite coordinate with the rest of the outfit. Instead, it's forced to work out of necessity in the same way that Nadakhan feels he has no choice but to wreak havoc with the blade. Asymmetrical blue crystal accents on both the handbag and the statement earrings are a twofold callback: both to the shattered Realm Crystal that reveals his realm's fate and to the mirror he manipulates in "The Last Resort".
Exhausted yet? I hope not - we're just getting started. As a reward for making it to the end, behold the duality of my art skills: this meme I made months ago, somewhere in the middle of designing this outfit, after a heated Ninjago-themed round of Skribblio where I was tasked with actually drawing Nadakhan. Safe to say, that's not where my skills lie:
#ninjago#ninjago skybound#ninjago couture#Yours To Keep: Rethinking Skybound Through Fashion#ninjago nadakhan#ninjago fanart#fashion design
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