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#the model still sucks but that aspect of it does have me wondering
the-gayest-sky-kid · 2 years
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this does have me genuinely wondering though kusanalis leaked model has those elf ears that klee has
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mammss · 3 years
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mammon headcannons pt2
notes!!!: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LIKES AND REPOSTS OMGGGG I DIDNT THINK PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT (i know 60 notes aren’t a lot but they are to me and i’m very thankful)
if you ever have headcannon requests please message me and i’ll write one! I don’t know about fanfics/one shots just because i suck at writing and don’t want to disappoint lolz anyways
i tried to make the MC gender neutral for both parts 1 and 2. if i messed up in anyway please tell me!<3
enough talking from me and please enjoy reading mammon headcannons pt2
⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・⋆ฺ。*:・
because you are so very beautiful to mammon he has tried to talk you into becoming a model countless times
(more like he saw some couple have a special thing they do together so he thought modeling could be your guys thing)
he even asked asmo to talk to his connections about signing you because he wants you to model that badly
he wants to make you proud and praise him for his hard work so he’ll deliberately do small things just for your praise and gentle touches
mans is a simp but we love that about him<3
i headcannon that mammon is a little bit of a nerd because of levi. not like an otaku but he does have his fair share of favorite anime’s and he does have some sort of manga collection but it’s his little secret
mammon👏has👏a👏man👏purse👏
his favorite activity to do with you is just hold you and cuddle until one of you or both of you fall asleep
mammon pegs me as the type of husband who want seven children mainly boys but he really wants a daughter like desperately wants a little treasure he created that he will love and cherish forever
dad bod mammon anyone?? he’ll be insecure about himself but mc just love him and give him affirmations and he’ll learn to love himself just like you love him
it’s cannon that mammon likes and respects lucifer older brother or not so as a kid his favorite brother was lucifer and he would always say he want to be just like him in every aspect and lived off the praise he gave mammon. lucifer was his role model, his everything as a kid and in SOME ways that still hasn’t changed
he’s a sucker for couples gifts like “his wife her husband” those types of couples gifts and he will make you wear them in public, there’s no way out of this one mc sorry
ABSOLUTELY LOVES HOMEMADE GIFTS FROM YOUUUU!!! he has a little shrine (not creepy) of gifts you given him and pictures you took together. most of the shrine is all the homemade gifts 
he’ll look at that shrine everyday and thank the three realms for creating you, for bringing you into his life and, for loving every ounce of him
i feel like he’ll forget about your anniversary. not on purpose but when you bring it up to him this boy is in full panic mode because he doesn’t want you to think that he doesn’t love you that’s why he forgot or make you mad
he would film thirst traps and debates sending them to mc just because he doesn’t wanna be made fun of or his brothers finding out. this man has hundreds of thirst traps just for you mc please accept them
he loves to show you off anyway possible just like a doting father would. you could tell him you lost 5 pounds and he’ll make sure the whole devildom knows
i don’t know if the brothers have individual roles on the student council like lucifer and diaovlo do but mammon would 100% be treasurer and do it flawlessly
he wants to know what your childhood was like in the human world and he wants to hear all the fun memories you had just so he can recreate them or plan dates in the devildom around them
if you’re not comfortable sharing your childhood he understands but at least tell him a favorite memory you have and he’ll recreate it just for you<3
aaaahhhhh i hope you guys like it :)))) and if you have any head cannon requests don’t be afraid to message me luvs hope you have a wonderful day
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tgsofu · 2 years
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The Pathless ★★★★☆
 If you’re in for a pleasurable little free-roaming indie adventure that will make you feel like a total pro even when you suck, and also lets you pet a cute eagle sidekick, give The Pathless a go! Read more for full review.
CONTENT: ★★★★★
Oh, The Pathless is just brimming with beautiful lore waiting to be discovered. For relatively short and ultimately simple a game, I was blown away by the depth of its world and how massive it felt. Some of the story was told to my face through cutscenes and concrete dialogue, which in itself already dealt with some deliciously existential questions about our journey through the world and life in general, but what really left a lasting impression for me were the lore stones and the souls of the corpses scattered all over the open world that combined with some subtle and not-so-subtle environmental storytelling really drove point home. You are alone with nothing but a cute eagle for a companion, yet the echoes left behind by the dead ironically fill the empty space with life and purpose. Now, while I adore this increasingly common concept of a fragmented story that you have to piece together by yourself, I am unfortunately also not very gifted at forming a coherent picture of the whole. Thus I am very happy to say that, for some reason, The Pathless is a rare exception to that rule. Perhaps it was the way in which the bits of story that were immediately relevant to one another were often found close together, making it possible for me to retain information long enough for the pieces to neatly fall in place? Or mayhaps it was the choice to tell the story through the final and often haunting thoughts of these now-dead residents of the world? Whatever the reason, it worked wonders!
For a nothing short of a spiritual experience that puts emphasis on its aesthetic and philosophical aspects, The Pathless was still able to instill its vague cast of characters with fun, charming personalities. Especially the ethereal deities could easily have remained distant, emotionally stoic higher beings, yet they all came with their own little backstories and quirks that helped me care about them as more than just pretty trophies. I only wish they had also displayed their uniqueness while on-screen. It did not even have to be anything major, maybe just little tweaks to their character animations to express their personalities through body language to help bring their backstories to life?
 VISUALS: ★★★★★
The Pathless honestly does everything right visually to cater to my personal tastes.  Some nice cel-shaded character models, vibrant yet earthy colors, varied nature-themed environments that aren’t afraid to remain uniform in a manner that makes it feel like they actually belong into the same geographical unit? Hell yeah?! Much like Journey, Flower, and Abzû, this game really shines with its artistic direction that utilizes some familiar stylistic choices also seen in the aforementioned titles, but without losing a sense of its own unique identity. The graphics work hand-in-hand with the world and everything from the large-scale landscape to the finer details is carefully crafted and beautifully constructed. I would even go as far as to claim that the visuals play a big if not the biggest part in keeping me so immersed and consistently engaged throughout the whole experience.
TECHNICAL: ★★★☆☆
Zipping through the vast world like an unstoppable yet graceful projectile? Fun! Shooting arrows at creepy floating eyes scattered all over the field? Fun! Leeching off my poor eagle companion as I command her to drag me across the skies? Hell yeah! PETTING THE EAGLE? UM YES?! And some simple puzzles for simple minds to help me feel better about my IQ!
Yes, the gameplay was amazingly satisfying and, dare I say, even therapeutically hooking. I enjoyed it from start to finish and remained relatively entertained, but I am still sad to say that it is still one of the weaker aspects of this game. You see, all that I listed was all it had to offer; it didn’t really gain any fresh new dimensions as the game progressed, causing even a lazy self-indulgent gamer such as myself to find the mechanics a bit grindy in the long run. Especially those that look forward to honing and mastering their skills will probably get bored even faster and quickly find themselves hoping for something more complex and simulating.
INGENUITY: ★★★☆☆
Did The Pathless bring anything new to the table? I am very happy to have picked this game up, but mind you I happened to do so at a discounted price. After having played through it, I declare that the price I paid was just the right amount for what I got out of it. It was a beautiful, thought-provoking adventure, but for all my praise I still don’t see this game as a remarkably outstanding title in the sea of good games. The gameplay while fun didn’t necessarily feel that hot and fresh and the game’s own inability to improve on this aspect left it relying mostly on its pretty graphics and interesting narrative. Again, while it harboured an identity of its very own in these aspects, it doesn’t do so in any remarkable fashion when compared to similar titles such as Journey and Abzû. I will happily recommend The Pathless to anyone that shares my passion for these types of games as I am sure you will not be disappointed – as long as you understand that it is exactly this type of game that you will be getting, but not much more.
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they ran over the seals
More Replicant playthrough observations and general nonsense under the cut. For reference, up to the keystone quest; completed the Forest of Myth and Junk Heap.
This fucking game I swear to god.
A vaguely coherent ramble about sidequests An observation about sidequests in general in this game -- and I don't recall if I ever voiced this somewhere public or it was just a personal observation from my time with the original -- is that the quests in the first half of the game are all relatively easy to complete. There's that one asshat who wants 10 goat hides, but other than him, most of the sidequests are either very much based on finding characters, or gathering a sensible number of items that are either relatively common, purchasable, or given a guaranteed spawn for the duration of that quest.
The sidequests everybody remembers having to do are in the second half, where everybody is demanding and awful and I'm sorry ten MACHINE OILS do you know how goddamn rare those are? They're goddamn rare.
(We'll not discuss Life in the Sands.)
This is generally agreed to, in the technical vernacular, 'suck'. And it's always funny that the most interesting sidequests are the ones with very minimal requirements (Yonah's cooking, getting Popola drunk, the Lighthouse Ladoh my god everything's gone blurry I'm not crying you're crying who am I kidding we're both crying). That particular aspect of the design also feels intentional, not really gating your ability to progress the really meaningful or funny sidequests behind an unreasonable number of rare items. The other aspect of the design is that these quests are not meant to be completed in a single playthrough; most of them are single-stage and just absolutely unreasonable, but if you're going through the game four times you have a... reasonable chance of getting everything you need more or less naturally.
Nobody does that but I think that was the intended design. I think it's a good idea, although the execution of expectation is flawed so I don't really blame people for saying those sidequests suck. (Although I will in turn blame people for saying the sidequests suck as a blanket statement. Yeah getting that guy who burned his kitchen down a billion Broken Motors is aggravating but did you not find that old man's dog? Speak to Ursula on her death bed? Solve a murder? Then again I think tracking down that rotten son who's trying to get away from The Family Business only to learn his father is a con-artist and get literally no reward is the height of comedy so maybe I'm not the greatest point of reference.)
But that asshole in Facade can get bent. I can't exploit my garden properly, jackass! I am no longer a god of time. (I kid, of course.) (This guys sucks even when you can fix your clock.)
Forest of Myth It didn't even occur to me to wonder how they would incorporate the comprehensive voice acting into the Forest of Myth. I like how it plays out, although I wish the voices maybe had a fade as you went deeper into the dream instead of just cutting out at some point, especially for the lines where the characters are being ascribed actions by the narrator that they themselves aren't doing near the start of the Deathdream. But it's just delightful to go back to it. The second half of the game really sticks in your mind both for emotional reasons and because you play it at least three times per full playthrough of the game, but the first half is just so much fun.
Protip: Talk to everybody after you've finished the dream sidequest. Weiss tries to dissuade you. Don't let him dissuade you. I'm still delighted by the Mayor; "We're building a statue of you, made of solid gold. I know you don't own a horse, but we're going to put you on a horse."
I forgot about Yonah being a disaster chef Papa Nier's reaction to the stew is better. Brother is still funny but Papa Nier just expecting to die is comedy gold.
For anybody curious, the joke about the cakes is that Yonah made 'fruit cake' using some of the worst possible fruits for cake-making. If only she'd thrown a tomato into the mix, too.
Lighthouse Lady Every time. what the fuck is a canal I'm aware of the addition of the new-old content but it didn't occur to me until Popola suddenly starts nattering on about fixing the canal when I'm expecting Yonah to talk about a penpal that oh, yeah, I guess Seafront would have had something going on the first half that would play into the second half? (I assume it does. Be weird to introduce these characters just to have groundwork for an added sidequest. ...but it was a cute sidequest.) But look Popola my boy is supposed to be in the next area I visit could we-- I mean he's on the way could we just-- no-- fiiiiiiiiiine. (It was short and sweet, though, and I appreciate that the couple's love is exemplified by them both calling Weiss a floating magazine in tandem.) On a related note but was I the only person suddenly concerned when the sidequest completion maxed out at 50% and not 51%? I had to double-check with a guide just to make sure, since I've spent the last decade telling people to make sure you hit 51% before going on to Part II.
MY BOY I love that nowadays, Emil is everybody's son. But I really wish I could go find somebody only familiar with Automata and just watch their reaction. (I'm guessing there are streams out there that fulfill this but man I'd love to get it in-person.) If you're only familiar with him from Automata this has to be a mindfuck.
Personal anecdote, but I've had the privilege of playing NIER with somebody else almost every time I've gone through it. I had a wonderful experience of doing a replay some years back with somebody who had experienced it with me before but didn't have the most solid memory of the beginning (and had actually missed the entire weapon's lab the first time through). I get to the boy at the piano introducing himself and the 'Wait, what?' was a thing of beauty.
MY ANDROID This was a welcome mindfuck for me; finding Sebastian and having him 'reactivate' in such an unnatural, mechanical way. I don't recall if it was ever officially confirmed that Sebastian is an android (I know that it's just understood that this is the case but I'm not I can't recall a specific one) but the little flair they added to his animation caught me completely off guard. I liked it!
Destroying the food source A lot of people will cite a major inciting incident for the game as being when the protagonist heading back into the village and killing the child Shades just outside the entrance. This moment is such a great bit of subtle foreshadowing that's so easy to miss... but kind of joining that, just before the Knave of Hearts attacks, I realized that the Shades out on the Northern Plains are clearly ramping up for an assault of their own by murdering the sheep. The sheep population at this point is decimated (which is great when you realize you haven't gotten the Sheepslayer trophy and you're about to enter Part II and you don't know if the boar drifting minigame got carried forward with the inclusion of 15 Nightmares). You go out onto the Plains and you will find not only small clusters of sheep left behind instead of the vast, terrifying herds from the start of the game, but until you get their attention the Shades are prioritizing killing the sheep. (Also annoying because that doesn't count toward my sheep murder number.) The Shades will be out there also killing sheep earlier on, but since the whole map is in Overcast mode after talking to Yonah it's especially prevalent to go out to the Northern Plains and seeing the slaughter. And I realized-- they're cutting the Village off from a primary food source. Shades don't eat and they don't have any beef with the local ungulates (at least, no more so than anybody else does), so why are they hunting down the sheep? To deprive their enemies of resources. Sheep are extinct by the timeskip. It's actually really clever of them, and a really clever indication of their sentience and intelligence before it's fully verified.
"Let's get these shit-hogs!" Everything about the way Kaine and Emil interact across the entire game is perfect I will brook no argument this is objective fact.
Emotive Rectangles I wrote an essay about this before but it really bears repeating that the job the original animators did with this scene is just phenomenal. The way Weiss drifts, flits, flips, fans his pages, drunkenly swerves, shoots around the room in defiance... He's a goddamn rectangle, but there is so much emotion and personality in this scene just based on the movements conveyed through a what is effectively just a box. Ten years later and triple-A titles with full facial capture don't have this much seething personality. I really have to give props to the cavia animators, wherever they wound up. That studio could really put some subtle love and care into their titles, utterly unnecessary and easy to miss but you can tell that whoever was working on it was giving it their all. The books are probably the exemplification of this, but every time I go into Seafront and visit the seals I can tell that the guy on seal duty was having just the best day. They made Emil so pretty There's an FMV cutscene right smack in the middle of the original game after the battle against Noir. I understand why it was a necessity on a technical level, but it always looked pretty out of place and a little uncanny valley compared to the rest of the graphical fidelity. That's no longer a necessity so this cutscene is rendered in-engine. I admit I was actually curious to see it redone this way and it looks fantastic. I single out Emil since he is the focal point of cutscene and because his particular high-poly model had some pretty weird difference from his in-engine model, but he and Kaine both look great. But, like, it's almost mean how pretty he is.
They made Brother Nier so pretty Yeah okay you got me he's kind of hot. Kaine's expression when she wakes up and looks him over is... significantly easier to read now. Good voice, too. (Ancient rumors tell that one of the issues with international releases of RepliCant was that they couldn't find an English VA with a voice that 'fit' Brother Nier. He sounded good out the gate but hearing him growl "Let's go TAKE CARE of those KIDS" during the thief sidequest-- I got chills. It sounds so silly but there's a kind of percolating fury to that delivery. Papa Nier was like frustrated but mostly disappointed dad; I felt like Brother was going to take care of those kids, and nobody was going to find the bodies. Younger Brother Nier just never stops looking goofy to me but Older Brother just looks great in motion, between the alterations they made to the movement and just the entire weaponry system. The distinction between the two halves of the game was always a little odd in the Gestalt version-- not odd enough to really raise eyebrows if you didn't know about RepliCant, but of course you can tell that this age gape between the optimistic doe-eyed dogooder and a man largely ruled by his fury and calloused by tragedy is what the timeskip was going for. Swab me down and call me Ishmael, it works. Younger Brother wasn't quite clicking with me-- not because of any writing or voicework issues, but I've got Papa Nier on the back of my mind and it's impossible not to compare and contrast the delivery and dialogue between the two. I know that this is intentional, too; Younger Brother is supposed to be that happy-go-lucky video game protagonist, always doing the right thing and helping people, in order to contrast against the man he becomes. Even just edging into Part II the effect is dramatic and it recontextualizes Younger Brother into a much more effective overall character. And let me reiterate, I enjoyed my time with Younger Brother just fine, I have no issues with him. But he's up against Well Meaning Big Dummy Part I Papa Nier. No contest. And I'm excited to see where Older Brother goes from here.
Speaking of voices I mentioned this before but the delivery on the character's lines is different. The entire game was re-recorded and quite a few lines are still pretty similar to the original, but there are some that are... definitely different. Part of this is a difference in the relationship between characters based on their life experience and ages-- Weiss is much more of an ass to Younger Brother but has a much more even respect for Older Brother (neither of which are like the rapport he established with Father). Some of Kaine's lines feel more aloof, dismissive, and almost tired in the front half of the game. I haven't really gotten to a point to dig into Emil's rapport with the other characters, but the delivery feels more hesitant and uncertain (which I think is more in line with his Japanese VO, but I'm prefacing that on an untrained ear and a presumption rather than recent memory). It's been interesting to see not just where hey adjusted dialogue (and how-- there are some lines that didn't need to be rewritten), but also how they adjust tone and delivery. Dealing with Younger Brother is one thing, but as I said, I'm very excited to see what's different in the second half, especially being much more familiar with that part of the game. Speaking of Voices! Halua got dialogue! I... preferred when it was inferred (and the implications of "I'll always be watching over you" are borderline malicious given the results of their fusion dance, yeah THANK YOU HALUA this is GREAT). Halua's delivery also felt a little too innocent and upbeat both for the situation and when compared to her narrative voice in The Stone Flower, where she comes across as much more cynical and cold. But given what she's been through and the nightmare she's finally escaping I guess she's allowed express happiness. She's certainly earned the right to having a spoken line. No matter what. Every fuckin' time.
"Here we go." This was always a great line to kind of ease in to the officially-official start of Part II-- every time you start up a New Game+ you're greeted with Emil musing about his conflation of Halua to Kaine, and then the phrase "Here we go". There's a lot in that one line. On a personal level he's grounding his thoughts in the moment and steeling himself for what comes next and pushing through his pain and sadness and fear. Whatever Nier told him in the facility he's still terrified, desperately terrified, that Kaine -- who was the one who told him his life had meaning -- is going to reject him. And why wouldn't she? Ultimately they don't know each other, not really. He understands at that moment that his relationship with Kaine is based on confused memories of his sister, that maybe the bond he thought they established isn't actually real. As soon as he frees Kaine he's going to have to confront her, like this, and how could she ever-- she won't-- but he can't just leave her. Whatever happens next. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. (God it matters.) "Here we go." On a meta level, that's our introduction into the second half of the game. The first half is all prologue. This is where we'll be spending the rest of our time, even to the point that 'New Game+' skips straight ahead to this moment. Now that we've finished the establishment, this is where it all builds and where it all matters. Here we go, audience. The ride starts now. You get up to this point now in Replicant. You get the same lead-in. My dumb ass even whispered "Here we go", because I can't help myself. And he says, of course he says--! "Anyway." ... ...a-anyway? What the hell kind of line is that? "Here's some deeply personal musings that are also an indication of my own discomfort as I babble to myself just to fill the void so I can stave off thinking for just a few more seconds. ANYWAY." What a... bizarre decision. Just bizarre.
Upgraded melee combat The introduction to the armored Shades always feel kind of rough-- the defenses on those Shades are significantly higher than anything you've faced and the new weapons you're given to combat them just aren't that good. (If you got lucky you could have a fully-upgraded Faith by now, which is nearly three times as powerful as the 'heavy' two-handed sword you're given; if you downloaded the 4 YoRHa pack for Replicant you've probably been able to upgrade one of those weapons once, which are also a really nice strength boost that leaves the freebie heavy swords and spears in the dust). As an introduction to the new weapon types it always feels like rough going. But then you get a chance to get decent weapons and the combat system truly opens up, and compared to the first game you really feel it. At this juncture I would always just bustle off to Facade and grab the Phoenix Spear and never look back-- the raw power compared to the rest of your arsenal coupled with the triangle dash is basically the bread and butter of the rest of the game. It's not exciting, but it's effective. No more triangle dashing, which was deeply disappointing... but both weapons definitely feel good. I am also somewhat ashamed to admit that it wasn't until now that I realized attacks weren't just about rhythmic input-- you can hold the attacks down to do different charged hits and combos depending on when you execute them in your combo, similar to Automata. I, uh... I felt a bit dumb. But hey, wow, it's a welcome adjustment and it makes all of the weapon types feel equally valuable for different purposes. I never liked using the heavy blades in the original release because they just felt too slow for the damage output they did, even if their 'point' was mostly to sheer off armor (and they definitely felt too slow for use in crowd control). Now they're still heavy and slower, but not to the point that you're basically leaving yourself open just trying to attack. Spears now do crazy sweeping combos and multi-hits. Both of these properties were borrowed from Automata and I find myself prioritizing melee combat and almost forgetting I have magic because honestly it just feels intuitive and fun. I feel like Kaine and Emil might have gotten a power boost as well? Not that I can really confirm this but going into some of the Junk Heap rooms I'd focus on killing a few robots in the corner and then turn around and just see a field of item drops and no more robots. Don't take my word on that, of course, but they felt a little more effective, and a placebo effect is still an effect. "You're staging a protest? That's fun!" Emil. Rebel without a cause. Will not hesitate to kill you if you trespass on his property. (Might explain the statues in the courtyard, actually.) I'll have to double-check this dialogue because I definitely remember more of a melancholia before we get to roasting marshmallows. I think Papa Nier actually offers to talk to/implicitly threaten the villagers to let them in the Village whereas Brother offers to sleep outside with them... which is actually kind of funny. In the former it comes off as Emil and Kaine maybe kinda-sorta not wanting to be allowed in the Village for their own reasons (they're not happy reasons but they're reasons nonetheless) and reassuring Father that no, it's okay, it's fun! The latter is almost telling Brother to stay inside because he'll ruin their sleepover.
(They're absolutely having giggly girl talk about him outside the gates, 100%.) they ran over the seals All I want in Seafront is to enjoy the music and run out to the big beach and hang out with the last living seals and they put a fucking pirate ship on top of them. Oh, wow. Gideon. Wow. OG Nier featured a Gideon that tried to keep himself together and then had fits of mania. You'd be concerned about him during some of the dialogue but generally speaking he came across as... functional. The delivery on all of his lines is now so insanely murder bonkers, like every line he's addressing you like you're already chained to the wall of his serial killer dungeon and it's glorious. I don't know if the distinction between the games is deliberate (in that Gideon in Gestalt was just more even-keeled between his 'rip 'em apart' snarlings and was always just totally nutso in RepliCant) but I do appreciate it. It's a good mirror to Brother Nier's own anger, which only ever seems to be mollified when he's talking to his friends (even kindly accepting sidequests there's a pretty consistent -- not universal, but consistent -- air of barely-bridled frustration). The other characters that Brother encounters are various reflections of himself if things had just been a little different-- Gideon was a representation of the kind of obsessive madness that would have eaten Brother alive if he hadn't had his network of support. Gideon's constant fury and bloodlust even bleeds into him just saying "What can I do for you?" He has no anchor to keep himself sane, nobody to stay human for; he's all mania, all anger, and he only takes any real interest in Brother on his return because he sees an opportunity to act out his vengeance. After defeating Beepy and Kalil he even goes so far as to not only blame Beepy for killing Jakob, but for also killing their mother, which is patently insane but really speaks to how far his justifications and fury have taken him. Papa Nier responds to his anger toward Beepy by basically backing away slowly and saying "Oookay then". Brother, however, actually commiserates; "That's enough. [...] We get it. We really do." This is definitely one of those moments where Brother's context works better than Father's; he absolutely sees himself in Gideon. He completely understands him and sympathizes. He recognizes the madness of his own quest, he sees where it could take him, and there's a resignation when he speaks to Weiss: "Revenge is a fool's errand." "...yeah." Papa Nier has a similar delivery and similarly implies that he understands how terrible his quest is, but there's something decidedly haunting in Brother's sympathy. Also just verifying something on the wiki and this bit of 'Trivia' really jumped at me:
Gideon is the only character to only cause the deaths of other characters. In his case, he caused a platform to crush Jakob and ordered the deaths of P-33 and Kalil, with P-33 surviving.
Metal AF.
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yvainegelinemarie · 3 years
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🖤🌸𝔐𝔯. 𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔎𝔞𝔯𝔪𝔞 2021 𝔙𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔰 ℭ𝔞𝔯𝔡 ℜ𝔢𝔳𝔦𝔢𝔴 🌸🖤
I’m late I’m late for a very important dick appointment, date!
✨ 𝕳𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔 𝐒𝖕𝖔𝖔𝐤𝖎𝖊𝖘!!~ ✨
Idk about ya’ll BUT these new karma cards got me all 🤰🏻🤰🏻🤰🏻
TW: Proceed with cation!! Do NOT open if you do not wish to soak your panties and/or cry your eyes out at my appalling sense of ‘humor’ 
*Today I will be rating the new Valentines Day art for the Karma cards. The rating process was done by comparing them to their previous valentines day cards and how they went against one another on their level of sexyness within each card. 
🌸 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖊𝖓 | 7/10 | 2nd Place
⚰️ My daddy he be lookin fine a FOULK this evening with his tiddie out. My baby knows how to keep me fed if ya know what I’m sayin.😏💦
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⚰️ This beautiful, breathtaking, princely, lavishing work of art!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHGHJTE5LILO; (srry, orgasim seizure). 
⚰️ It’s just *pats eyes with handkerchief* I have never in all my life, witnessed a man of this design. Please, don’t mind me. I just need a moment to bask in the glory of this angel. 
⚰️ The 💦water droplets💦, his bedroom eyes, that CHEST- I-I...I just need a moment...
⚰️ Lucien has once and always stolen my heart BUT I do have to say that based off of some past cards, last years valentines card, and compared to Victor’s card this year that my Lulu has to come in second. 🤧
⚰️ His sultry, princely and sexyness is all there but we all know that Lucien can pull off a very dominating demeanor. Yet here he’s just giving me very submissive vibes this valentines. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)
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⚰️ And then this card has the AUDACITY to turn into this?!?! 👀👀
⚰️ Sighhhh...It is just so hard to watch MC living your dream... 
⚰️ This card just looks so sweet. The carressing embrace, Lucien’s calmly surprised expression, it’s just all so gentle. awwwwwe!!
⚰️ Although this card is very romantic Lucien still looks very submissive and sweet. (Like homie looks like he’s never done this before which. LIES. BITCH I KNOW YOU) 👏🏼👏🏼
⚰️ One of the things I love the most about Lucien’s character is his very teasing and dominating aura and last years valentines card sucked that up and did a beautiful job of expressing his teasing personality in the artwork. I am hoping that maybe where this art is lacking the date itself will make up for it.
⚰️ I do find this card to be the second most sexy out of all the boys but I feel like it just doesn’t feel as Lucien as I would have liked it to. 
⚰️ I do however find the artwork to be very beautiful and embracing. Especially when the card is evolved. The way Lucien holds MC in the second card creates this very innocent and warm embrace that reminds me of two people just on the verge of falling in love.
⚰️ It is a very sweet and romantic card and it is quiet cute to see Lucien all blushing and off guard instead of his usual impassive self.
🌸 𝐊𝖎𝖗𝖔 | 6/10 | 4th place
⚰️ The bestest boi of them all!!! 🥰
⚰️ Litterally nothing gets sweeter than Kiro!!
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⚰️ So sweet, so fun loving! This sunshine of a boi makes life worth living! ☀️☀️
⚰️ Kiro is definitely the one who shows up at just the right time to make life a little better and brings out the inner child that my sun in capricorn tries to repress so intensely. 
⚰️ And this card does that sweet and playful image justice. Always stay warm Kiro!!! AWWEEE!!!
⚰️ All I can say is I wish I was that dog so I can paw Kiro’s chest too. 🤭
⚰️ Now, It pains me to put Kiro last but it is just that I feel that his card lacks a lot compared to the valentines card from last year. 
⚰️  We were hit with a very sexy Kiro and there has been plenty of other very VERY sexy Kiro cards up to this one that it just causes this one to hit different, you know? 
⚰️ This one really captures Kiro’s loving and boyish personality so I definitely love it over all as a Kiro card. I think that it does wonderful in that aspect. But for valentines day? I expect something a bit more saucy...like an underwear model shoot maybe... 😜
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⚰️ BUT THEN we get THISS!!
⚰️ S-Shirtless Kiro *Internal screaming* kahhhh!!! I can’t take it I. 😝
⚰️ Sometimes I forget just how HORNY Kiro issss.... 
⚰️ I think it’s safe to say that MC is only making that face NOT bc Kiro took that magazine but bc she be getting poked sitting in that lap like that.- 👀🍆
⚰️ Shirtless Kiro is an upgrade from what we had before BUT I still feel like this compared to the other guys and other very sexy kiro cards before that this still only gives a very innocnet and homey vibe.
⚰️ I do think that this card is very cute but when rating it on it’s quality of sexyness comapred to the other boys, I sadly have to put Kiro as last place. 
⚰️ I am just hoping that next year all the Kiro stans get rewarded with a nice Calvin Klein underwear shoot. (I know I’d be happy)😌😌
🌸 𝐕𝖎𝖈𝖙𝖔𝖗 | 8/10 | 1st Place
⚰️ Tall, dark, and handsome AS FOULK!!!
⚰️ Victor never comes in to play no games yall!!!  👏🏼💦
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⚰️ Did I say Kiro was horny? because I take that back. Sometimes I forget how BADLYYY Victor is trynnnaaa FUCK in EVERYYY date. 💀
⚰️ But like I ain’t mad. First off, Victor, daddy, can I have that designer bag? I’ll suck your di- 
⚰️ Just the abs, that boujee ass robe even the cute ass fucking ties on his arm I-
⚰️ Victor be putting the standards for guys really fucking high in my book. AND I AIN’T MAD.
⚰️ I just love this card. It is honestly my favorite out of all of them (sorry Lulu) It’s mature, it’s sexy, it’s elegant, suttle, and EVERYTIME I look at it my heart flutters. This card is VERY Victor and a beautiful design of his character and it makes me VERY horny happy. 💦💦
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⚰️ T-That angle... *blushes* He is ready to go to town if ya know what I mean.
⚰️ But given that facial expression he’s already busted it- 👀🤧
⚰️ On a real note tho. Victor looks so sweet and vulnerable here (*what a pussy) it’s so cuteee!!! Like I ain’t ever seen him look so sweet. (*fucking bitch.) 
*I have a love hate relationship with Victor since he always likes to piss me off!!! But he cute so.
⚰️ Again I think that this card is my favorite out of all four of the valentines cards this year. I feel like the intimacy in this one is there. The imagery is very sexy but soft. I love their pose and I think that this card sells where we all like our minds to wonder off too. 
⚰️ My absolutae favortie part is the simple pull on Victors unbuttoned shirt. It is just so sweet and so soft of an embrance.
⚰️But also Victor’s hand on the counter. I want that hand to smack my ass so hard fuck. 😋
⚰️ If I had to (and I do) make one complaint about this card it is that I honestly HATE Victor’s expression in the evoled. It’s just too soft and sweet for my liking. And as a Capricorn myself I can assure you that any slip up of us expressing even just the slightest bit of our vulnerability to anyone we will rip ourselves apart head to toe for years on that one single event and I assume that even during Victor’s most intimate times that stone cold look would not fade as easily as it does in this card. 
⚰️I think that it is beautiful and no hate to the Victor stans who think he looks hot AF in this card. I am all for it. I just personally like my capricorns whipped into shape. 😌
🌸 𝐆𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖓 | 7/10 | 3rd Place
⚰️ This one gave me the most and best shock.
⚰️ My favorite Gavin cards are by far this and his valentines card from last year. 
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⚰️ There is just something about Valentines day that gets Gavin in a sexy mood. (you’re secretly a hopeless romantic, aren't you Gavin huh...huh???)😏
⚰️ First off, GAVIN!!! I ain’t ever seen you look so SEXY. Sending me Eboy vibes to the MAX ughhhhh!!!! 
⚰️ I love the straps on his shirt and the fact that it’s wet and the glove PULLLLL!!! FUCKK GAVINNNNN!!! 💦🔥💦
⚰️ Gavin for me is everything that’s hot that I just can’t get behind but I WANT to get behind. You know? haha.
⚰️ He’s just such a good boy and a sad boi all at the same time and he holds a soft place in ma heart (but he’s definitely a one night stand and then I never call him again haahaaaa ahhhh) 🤧
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⚰️ And then this card!! It is so cute! SO sweet!!! and just very beautifully intimate. They look so in love!!!
⚰️ I just know for a fact that this night is very gentle and very passionate. 
⚰️ S3x with Gavin may not be intense, but it is love that we all at one point need okayyy!!. *cries* 🥲
⚰️ Gavin’s card is probably my 3rd favorite out of all of the boys this year. I do really love his pose and they are very sexy and very sweet and also very Gavin for his event cards. I also enjoy that his expression is still very true to his character in the last card (I’m looking at you lulu and vic) 
⚰️ I just feel like the art lacks a lot of story in Gavin’s cards (even his ones last year too) They just look like they took valentines day photos together lol. 
⚰️ I don’t hate them and they are very beautiful I just wish there was more going on then what looks to be like Gavin modeling for a brand of Makers Mark Whiskey lol. 
⚰️ I actually haven’t played a single Gavin date🤭...so I don’t have much to say on how he reacts to MC outside of the regular story line and I am sure that his valentines date for our English Sever with him was very wonderful. Based off of Gavin’s main story character I wouldn’t consider him very romantic or at least not the one in control of planning their dates. I think that of all the boys Gavin’s Valentines would be the most laid back and I would like to see more of Gavin’s character coming through with the artwork of these dates if that’s the case.
ENDNOTES: 
⚰️  On a serious note these cards are very beautiful although...I think I honestly enjoyed last years Valentines cards more than this one (the ones we got this year in the english server)... (omg...no way...she said it)
⚰️ Don’t get me wrong! All these cards are VERY sexy and I do like it but I feel like they almost lack intensity that last year SOLD us. 
⚰️ I guess what I am trying to say is they all feel too vanilla if you know what I mean... Gavin’s card is the only one that gives me a sense of spice despite him being the sweetest out of all the boys. I just feel that these in comparison to how lavish last years cards were that I want to see more intensity. 
⚰️ I am curious to know if the cards will ever get to that point (I know that the game wont give us full blown porn scenes...*sigh* lol) but I am looking forward to seeing some imagery to withhold the imagination of such. 
⚰️ Basically I’m sad that Lucien had no scratch marks. That-That’s it! You caught me!! I just want to see my daddy’s skin all scratched up!! Is that too much to ask for?! 
⚰️ ALSO I WANT FULL SHIRTLESS (WITH NIPPLES) SSR CARDDDSSSSSSS AHHHFGJGKRIGKECGHGERMCHM!!!!
⚰️ This is all written for shits n giggles. Please take this lightly and kindly let me know what karma card you liked the most. 
Thank you for stopping by, 🖤 Yvaine. 
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mst3kproject · 3 years
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Mars Needs Women
This is one of the B-movies that a lot of people have heard of, although I’m not sure how many have actually seen it.  It was written, produced, and directed by Larry “They Just Didn’t Care” Buchanan and stars Tommy Kirk from Catalina Caper and Village of the Giants.  Happy belated birthday to Mr. Kirk, who just turned seventy-nine in December of 2020.  That’s not a bad score for a guy who’s done as many drugs as he has.
The planet Mars is suffering from a genetic problem – their chromosomes are so degraded that one hundred males are born for every one female!  Clearly this is not conducive to the survival of the species, so a group of Martians have come to Earth seeking another solution: they want five female volunteers to return to Mars with them and find out if our genes are compatible!  The army brass (all male, obviously) dismiss the idea out of hand, but the Martians cannot afford to fail.  They will have their way with the Earth Women, with or without the Earth Men’s permission.
We all know that Larry Buchanan couldn’t come up with an idea of his own, so naturally this is a remake of sorts.  Mars Needs Women was inspired by Tommy Kirk’s previous movie Pajama Party, which doesn’t sound like an alien invasion flick, but is.  In it, Kirk plays a Martian named Gogo (yes, really), who comes to Earth as an invasion scout but decides not to take over the planet because he falls in love with Annette Funicello.  Mars Needs Women dispenses with the teen hijinks angle in an attempt to be a straight-up sci-fi thriller, and fails miserably.
We get the normal Larry Buchanan types of suck, such as crummy lighting, appallingly awful day-for-night, a washed-out, colourless print, and copious stock footage.  There’s a long bit where the air force tries to attack the Martian ship and fails, which is entirely stock footage intercut with men in uniforms staring at something next to the camera.  We don’t see the flying saucer itself even once during this sequence, although they do have a model of it that shows up elsewhere and is almost definitely the best effect in the whole movie.  Not a high bar, of course, but seeing as they actually appear to have spent money on this miniature, you’d think it’d get more screen time.
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The Martians themselves dress like a sort of noir version of the Chicken Men of Krankor.  Their costumes are black wetsuits decorated with duct tape and silver paint, with stupid antennae on the sides of their heads.  It amuses me that the first thing they do after acquiring some ‘Earth apparel’ is complain about how dumb neckties are.  There’s a mention about how they’ve been trained in ‘Earth slang’, which seems to have happened just so the movie would have no possible sources of humour.  When I think about Attack of the The Eye Creatures, I’m kind of grateful that Mars Needs Women never tries to be funny, but it leaves the whole film relentlessly monotone.
The acting is pretty crummy, even from the main characters.  Yvonne Craig (Batgirl – no, not one of them, the actual Batgirl) does her best with the material but the lines she’s given are such technobabble bullshit there are very few people who could deliver them with any conviction.  Almost everybody else is bland at best.  The women scream and faint, and the military guys tense their jaws and glare.  The only decent acting moment actually goes to Tommy Kirk as he describes the conditions on Mars, the dying planet.  His tone barely changes, and yet you can sense his nostalgia and regret.
Do I even need to ask if this movie objectifies women?  Well, yes, actually, I do, and you’ll see why in a minute.  The answer is a resounding yes and a good bit of run time is spent doing exactly that.  Before the opening credits we see three blondes abducted in broad daylight, dematerialized by the simple means of stopping the camera, removing the actress, and starting it up again. One of these hapless victims is taken from the shower.  We later learn that the beam-ups failed somehow, which I assume means the women died, but that’s apparently not worth more than a throwaway line.
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Once the five Martians arrive on Earth, they disperse to go hunting for suitable subjects.  The first one goes directly to a strip bar, perhaps on the assumption that the employees will not be married (he’d be amazed).  We then watch the stripper dance at great length, cutting back to it repeatedly in between other threads of the storyline, which suggests that the Martian sat there for hours staring at her before making his move.  He seems to have been the least choosy of the five, simply taking the first woman he gets a boner for.  The others are a bit more discerning.
None more so than the leader, Fellow One (the Martians are Fellows One through Five, which did save the writers from having to come up with ‘alien names’ that sound like synthetic fabrics).  He decides on Craig’s character, Dr. Marjorie Bolen, an expert in ‘space medicine’ and ‘space genetics’ (this may be 60’s for astrobiology).  Her skills seem to be just what the Martians need.  This character is treated terribly by the movie and almost everybody in it. A news reporter commenting on Dr. Bolen’s arrival describes her as a stunning brunette who found it hard to hide her charm behind her horn-rimmed spectacles, and only then moves on to her qualifications.  She gives a news conference titled Sex and Outer Space, and the reporters who are supposed to be interviewing her have a laugh about the good time the kidnapped women will supposedly be having on Mars.  The prop department can’t even bother to spell her name right – it’s written as ‘Majorie’ on a sign even though the r is clearly audible when people say it out loud.
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In contrast to this, Fellow One treats her with some degree of respect.  Their conversations about science are mostly nonsense, but you can tell what the script is going for.  They go on a couple of quick dates, one to a planetarium and one to a museum exhibit on human reproduction (yes, this is weird and icky), and while it is rushed, their little love story is actually important to the plot in ways besides Fellow One deciding to abandon the mission so he can bone her.  The movie considers Dr. Bolen a sex object, but from the beginning Fellow One sees her as more than that.
This brings us, in a sideways kind of way, to the thing I find weirdly fascinating about Mars Needs Women: the alien invaders are curiously considerate.  They steal a car, but they take one from airport parking on the assumption that the owner won’t need it for a while.  They request unattached women, not wanting to break up any happy partnerships. And most of all, they ask for volunteers for abduction!  This makes me wonder what would have happened if they’d broadcast their message to the entire world instead of one group of soldiers.  Humans being the way we are, I’m sure there’re lots of people out there who’d fuck a couple of aliens if it meant a free trip to Mars (or move to Mars if it meant they got to fuck some aliens).
The female characters even seem designed to want a trip to space.  Dr. Bolen might well have helped them willingly in exchange for this unparalleled chance to expand her research, and she does find it very sexy that Fellow One speaks to her as an equal.  Yet somehow, the idea never even comes up.  At the last minute, she becomes the helpless princess who must be saved from peril, and Fellow One simply tells her he loves her and asks her to flee.  Why not invite her along as a guest instead of a captive? It’s got to be worth a try.
The others can be made to fit this pattern, too. The stripper?  Maybe she’s sick of being gawked at like meat and would welcome the chance to be among people who will treat her like a queen.  The flight attendant?  She might feel like she’s been everywhere and seen everything – on Earth, at least.  The artist? A whole new planet to inspire her! The homecoming queen?  She’s a journalism major.  What a scoop if she can report back to Earth about the culture and history of Mars!  I want to see a remake of this movie in which the ladies really are volunteers, who must help the Martians outwit the military so they can start their new lives on another planet.
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Sadly, this is not that movie, and its exploitative aspects stand rather awkwardly alongside the embryonic feminism embodied in Dr. Bolen, overwhelming it more often than not.  I do want to give it maybe half a kudo, though, for at least acknowledging that women can have interests and ambitions.  I guess the point of the ending is that Fellow One has realized they need to be allowed to pursue those instead of being forced to breed.
Mars Needs Women is probably Larry Buchanan’s best movie, which is a statement on the same level as saying that The Beast of Yucca Flats is Coleman Francis’ – by any reasonable standard it still really sucks.  While it has many problems, I would say that the one that kills any entertainment value is how the narrative totally lacks the urgency the title implies.  The ending should be a race to stop the Martians taking off with their prisoners, but no, it saunters instead.  If there were only some tension in the film, it could have been the guilty pleasure you’d want from a movie called Mars Needs Women.
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hamliet · 3 years
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I think your blog is one of the best out there. Maybe becuase of this , maybe because of your awesome takes... I find it hard being in the fandom. And I wanted to share this very unpopular opinion. The more it goes on the more I wonder : how did Enji turned into this? Most of all in fandom tends to justify touya because he’s the result of Enji’s abuse. However Enji isn’t a natural born abuser. I’ve read and saw plenty: he has not manias of control. He accept easily his wife to leave him (he wanted to build an house for her and since Shoto’s accident he hadn’t forced himself on her). He wanted an heir, true and he was more neglecting (which is a form of abuse). But many time were found evidences in studies neglecting parents have issues of their own. Which can be found in their original family and / or society (if no mental illnesses are implied).
This made me wonder. I love Japanese culture , novels and society. And one of the most recurrent theme , especially some decades ago, is the high pressure people are exposed. It was and sometimes still is a nichilist model in which you die or fly and sometime you can’t hope to Rise once again when you fail. For example the concept of “you need to go at a go prek to get in a good university and find a good job” is often depict and put to extreme in many media. This inspire even books in which families are up for anything to push their children and they are under great pressure. Since Enji seems a not so bad man per se, has no mental illnesses , the only thing left is his immense obsession that must come from something. And the fact that in society a man must be successful... I think here it is.
The fact he can’t express his feeling correctly for the most of MHA , neither he can’t read them at the point of being perceived “with no compassion at all” comply the stereotype of the father with way too high standard , this can’t come from nothing. It’s not hard unreasonable thinking he was most likely pressured as much when younger , and that broke him at some point (which is a recursive theme in many others novels). This doesn’t justify him, but it might explain why he ended up like this.
But while everyone seems to be able to... forgive dabi , justifying his doings becuase of how he was raised while condamning 100% Enji. However the lingering theme of my hero’s villains is that they aren’t a monster , they’re turned into one; and society played a huge role. I don’t stand for Enji’s actions (who would) but ultimately? If all villains were broken by society at some point (being AFO the only exception for now) why can’t be him too? Broken by a society that demands from heroes to be perfect , to never be weak, even through total desperation? Society even made a joke of all might who gave his life entirely and part of his organs for Japan. Rather than only condemning Enji for his doings , much like is doing with Dabi, the spotlight should be society again.
He did wrong. Terribly wrong. and now everyone is ready to crucify him. But how society taught him better ? How society perceive heroes as humans , how far they can be weak and fails and not be blamed? Like father , like son. Touya is the result of his family , I think it should be considerated Enji was the product of a corrupted society. Which never correct itself , never tries to change... they just discard heroes and villains alike just for not being “perfect”.
Hi! Aw, thank you for your kind words <3
So, I’ll break this down a bit, because I think this discussion needs a lot of nuance. I agree society affected Enji, but I don’t quite think that a victim of society is remotely comparable to being a victim of parental abuse.
To start with, I fundamentally disagree with the notion that abusers are born, and hence don’t buy that Enji is somehow different (or better) because he wasn’t born that way.
To note, I talking specifically about physical/emotional/spiritual domestic abuse, not about sexual abuse (and I don’t wanna talk about that because it’s not relevant here, so no one send me asks about it, thanks).
Abuse is a description of an action and its affects. I’ll quote @linkspooky’s meta on Hawks last week: abuser is not a bad word, it’s not just something that bad people do. It’s an unhealthy relationship dynamic that even good people, even sympathetic people can participate in. It’d be great if we could just do a genetic test and determine if someone is an abuser (actually it wouldn’t be great; it’d be dystopian and terrifying), but that’s not how people work.
However, “abuser” is seen as a bad word, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing (nuance/abuse is horrific and takes such a toll on people that I’m glad it is given serious weight in some respects, although imo it’s overemphasized in fandom places and underemphasized in real life) and I’m not getting into good/bad/pluses/minuses of linguistic connotations here.
Hence, I would actually categorize what Rei did to Shouto as abuse, and I do think the story indicates she was neglectful towards her other children. However, I have never labeled her an “abuser” because of the negative connotation as is clear she is not a repeat offender and Shouto doesn’t even blame her--he blames Enji, and I don’t think that’s an incorrect assessment either. It’s complicated. Abuse victims can be abusers at the same time as they are victims (ask many a kid of an abusive dad what their mom was like; at best if they didn’t intervene it’s usually neglectful and often people go no contact with both parents). People we love and care for can participate in abuse.
Mental illness is also complex in its relationship to abuse. Mentally ill people are far more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators, and  mental illness doesn’t make someone predisposed to being a bad person. Mental illness does affect how I see Rei’s actions, because she was clearly out of her mind at the moment she burned Shouto’s face; at the same time, mental illness doesn’t erase harm done even if the person can’t be held super culpable. Enji on the other hand was not mentally ill in the same way; he was able to think logically and separate right from wrong even within society (because society clearly still views beating your kids as bad).
It’s actually not really accurate to say that Endeavor didn’t try to control Rei and just let her go--he put her in the institution to keep her away from Shouto, which may have been motivated of course by trying to protect Shouto, but was more likely “trying to protect his masterpiece.” Rei instantly regretted what she had done; Enji didn’t show regret until after Kamino. Also, Shouto himself views it as taking their mother away, not as protecting him. In fact, he sees it as removing his protector and leaving him with just the abusive dad. Plus, Rei’s doctors probably wouldn’t have let him see her. So I absolutely do think Enji is a control freak.
For Enjii, there’s no indication of prior trauma besides just not getting what he wanted. But, as you say, I do think Enji was absolutely a product of society--culturally, though I’m not qualified to comment on that, and within the manga’s own framing of that culture. However, while Enji is a product of society, he is not framed with the child framing that is present around Touya; hence, why he’s not a victim in the same sense. He was an adult when he started doing bad things, capable of reason, as far as we know and there’s no indication this isn’t the case. He was ~20 when Dabi was born, so that means he was looking for a quirk marriage at the very latest by 19. That’s like starting your career as an administrative assistant and being pissed you’re not CEO like, a year after starting! That implies that he had a sense of entitlement at a very young age, entitled to the point of believing kids were not full people but instead extensions of himself to ignore, beat up, and cast aside as he pleased. Every aspect of Enji’s personality screams of toxic masculinity as well.
Also, almost every person who has ever done something wrong (and those who haven’t!) is a product of their environment as well as of their genetics, but I wouldn’t classify everyone as a victim--even though technically I suppose they would be, but the connotations are just not particularly fitting--and I wouldn’t call Enji one. Enji might be a product of society, but his kids are victims of a deliberate choice he had to be a terrible parent. Society sucks, but we don’t choose it and it doesn’t choose us in the same sense a parent chooses to treat their kids a particular way.  So, rather than saying Enji’s a victim of society, I think it’s more of society reaping what they’ve sown in terms of their #1 being revealed as a mass abuser; it’s karmic.
So to return to his character and Enji is also a representation of toxic masculinity--that is why for me personally, his crying this chapter  actually resonated. Like, I think it was well-framed in that his victims didn’t feel sorry for him and he cried before he knew they were coming, and while I get that people think he has no right to cry (as Rei and Natsuo said!). I see why people interpret that as manipulative, and while I absolutely think it was self-pitying, I also personally see it as human and realistic, and perhaps as a slight chipping away of the toxic masculinity that he embodies. We’ll see. I’m still no fan but that was the first moment in his redemption arc that struck me as sincere.
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Thinking about Posts and Tumblr
So I responded to an earlier post from @kalesims in the comments. I probably should have reblogged it so I didn't have to break up my response which may have made it less than useful (and potentially read to mean the opposite of what I meant), but I also wanted to move a bit beyond the initial prompt with this longer one. I have not posted much Sims stuff in awhile. Part of this is because school and work demands are eating so much of my time right now1, part of this that ongoing pursuit of perfection we all seem to have to some extent on social media, and part of it is because I may have dumped my entire CC folder into my game without sorting it properly and now it runs like rubbish and I have to fix it. Regardless, I'm going to focus on issue #2 the ongoing pursuit of perfection, because I think this is the most relevant bit and the one I've been thinking a lot about lately. Tumblr is a social media platform. (This bit is a little academic, sorry.) I think we all know that, but do we ever really think about what that means? It's ultimately a company that provides a public-facing platform with the explicit intent of marketing ourselves to each other. More likes and followers for you=more ads and money for Tumblr, but they have to incentivize that for any of us to care. How do they do that? Make it a popularity contest. How often do you look at your likes or followers count? What emotional response do you have when they're low? How many creators incentivize new followers or more likes by releasing content to correlate with milestones in those areas? This is all part of feeding that beast2. It also draws on something referred to academically as the "hedonic treadmill," which is basically the keeping up with the Joneses mentality where we constantly compare our success to our peers and find ourselves wanting, even if we aren't. This is going somewhere, I promise.
When I first started Tumblr, I had one blog: transcendentcacophony. I started it explicitly to follow sims blogs I liked and keep track of the cc I downloaded or things that caught my attention, and my initial posts all reflected that. After I was on for a while, I realized most blogs compartmentalized to a certain degree: you have a blog for gameplay, a blog for cc finds, a blog for interest x, etc., so, not being particularly versed in these things, I thought "This is how you tumble!" and immediately set about creating sideblogs like transcendentcacophonyinspire, transcendentcacophonys3cc, or transcendentcacophonystudyblr. I went through my entire archive, moved everything over to its new home, and deleted the original posts and reblogs from this page. Does that mean I think having all the sideblogs is wrong? Nope. The organization of having sideblogs is sometimes helpful, but they they make me feel kind of fractured on some level. None of these provide an image of a whole person, just brief glimpses of an aspect. Sometimes I regret having split the off, other times I find it more convenient. Mileage may vary, but the obvious winner for the sideblog model is arguably Tumblr. None of my blogs have many followers, but there isn't as much overlap in audience as you might think and if they were all still one blog, I doubt there'd be as many as there are.
This raises the question of who you intend your blog to be for. Is it for Tumblr, so they can keep making that sweet sweet ad revenue? Is it for the online audience? Or is it for you? Who do you see as your primary audience? The structure of social media clearly wants us to say everyone else. "You're here for the likes! The followers! The popularity!" Other companies lean in to this as well. How many followers do you have to have to qualify as an EA Game Changer?
I would argue that it's this pressure to have all likes, followers, etc., that prohibit us from posting what we really want to post. Are you posting the things that actually make you happy? Or are you posting the things that you think an audience wants to see?
Learning anything takes a lot of practice. How many times did you fall off before you learned to ride a bike? How many broken and malformed pots do you make before you get a perfect one? We learn by doing. Waiting for that perfect screenshot or getting reshade just right or having the perfect city in CAW keeps us from posting our broken pots. Maybe we need to post more broken pots.
If something makes us happy, does it need to be perfect, or do we love it anyway? "This is my first pot! It sucks, but I made it! Finishing it alone is an accomplishment! It's mine and I'm learning and I want to show that process so we can all get better together!" Shouldn't our screenshots or gameplay or worldbuilding be the same?
I am building a world in CAW. I've been doing it for quite awhile, and I have an entire folder full of broken pots as a result, but I learned something every time I broke one. When I read CAW forums, I learn more from the ones where things don't work than from ones where they do. I post some of my broken pots, and simmers like @nilxis or @murfeelee are so supportive and helpful and give me tips on how to better and fix issues I'm having. I value that part of this community. I don't learn to do better by not showing off my broken pots.
I know some of my interests are pretty niche. I'm building an alien scifi world, I have conversion projects from games that support that but probably won't be useful to mainstream simmers. I made a series of alien moons in conjunction with simblu, who is now deactivated. These are arguably not things that will get a lot of likes, reblogs, or followers, but they are things that make me happy. Kurt Vonnegut once said when he wrote books, he always wrote with only 2 people in mind: himself and his sister. His goal was that at the very least he would like what he wrote, and a few of the books were written with her in mind, and if anyone else liked it, it was just gravy. I can’t say I’m a fan of the man’s writing, but I kind of like the idea of this mentality.
To that end, I think I'm going to change up how I use this blog moving forward, with the express goal of posting more often and with more emphasis on things that make me happy or show off more of my broken pots. Maybe it will cost me followers, maybe it won't, but it will help me carve this little niche out of the internet that is mine, that makes me happy, and that seeks to support the simmers and other community members3 that have been so supportive of me in the past. If just one or two people get something from it, or are entertained, isn’t that still just as valid?
I don't mean to imply in any way that posting what makes you happy can't make you popular, or gain likes and followers. It's very much possible. Vonnegut wrote his books for himself and he published 14 novels, three short story collections, five plays, and five nonfiction works, complete with film adaptations of several, literary prizes, etc. You can be successful doing what you love.
But I don't know that I need to be successful at it. I want to be happy doing it first, and anything outside of that is gravy. I'm going to post more broken pots and worry less about perfection or "doing it right." I'm going to fall off the bike and get back up and keep going. And maybe, by falling and failing, I'll get better or at least good enough or comfortable enough I'm not worried so much about that quest for perfection that is currently prohibiting me from trying.
Anyways, @kalesims, I don't know if that answers the original question you had. But I'd love to see what you post, be it gameplay, screenshots, cc, etc., really whatever floats your boat, moving forward. And, if you're willing, I'd love to learn by doing together. Let's go break some pots.
1 Whoever decided the best way to avoid outbreaks on campus was to just cancel all breaks and holidays over the last year clearly doesn't understand college students (who very much are still having parties and making up their own breaks) or that the reason we have those breaks is for mental health. Fall break was specifically added to reduce suicide rates among graduate students. And admin wonders why everyone hates them... 2 There's a researcher who looks at social media as a neoliberal marketplace that forces us to monetize ourselves without necessarily allowing us to realize that's what we're doing. She's got a book coming out about it next month if anyone is interested: Pain Generation: Social Media, Feminist Activism, and the Neoliberal Self(ie)
3I have in no way forgotten you, @piyotan, and you are definitely part of my online community, this was just targeted largely at simming.
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benelman · 3 years
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dinner & a scene // ben & quinn // @thelastlight
quinn
Mac's Diner was truly a staple of this town, and if Quinn wasn't dropping by before his drive to Denver for a coffee and a blueberry muffin, he was stopping by before he headed home to grade more lab notebooks for a burger and a milkshake. He had a bit of a sweet tooth; sue him. He made his way in closer to closing time because his office hours ended up running later than expected. Messenger bag slung over his shoulder, he placed it on the empty seat next to him at the counter before sliding onto the stool. He grinned when he saw his favorite waiter head over to him. "Did I make it before the kitchen closed? I'd like to think I'm too dignified to resort to ramen or a pizza from the freezer, and yet..." Adult Ben was a new conceptualization for him, but Quinn couldn't deny that he'd grown up to be hot. He was no longer Quinn's friend's kid brother, and well, Quinn hadn't really seen much of his old friend since he'd been back, so there wasn't a whole lot to feel guilty about. No harm in just looking after all. Especially if he kept it subtle. @sophie | ben & kyrie
Ben
It was always a shock to see Quinn in the diner as of late. Not that it was a bad shock, no - not at all. Just surprising to see him after what had seemed like ages apart. It had been ages, that's true - both of them had been away, Ben coming back sooner than Quinn, but it seemed like so much had changed. Quinn used to be the kid who was over at the Elman house for dinner frequently enough that Ben remembered his name, and, at some point, he turned into this man, this incredibly handsome professor, and Ben wouldn't admit that the professor thing checked a few boxes for him, too, but... Seeing Quinn come in always brightened his day. "As if this kitchen closes," he joked in return, leaning against the counter in front of him. "Burger and a milkshake again? Or are we changing things up tonight?"
Quinn
A laugh snuck past his lips at the joking comment, and he tilted his head to the side. "Does going from chocolate to strawberry count as spicing things up?" he joked. In some aspects, he really was a creature of habit. The burger and milkshake was such a quintessential diner food that he hadn't really thought of changing his tune. "Surprise me. That way if it sucks, I'll have someone to blame," he teased. There wasn't much going on in the diner at this time of night, which meant he had all the time in the world to talk to Ben after he put his order in. He probably shouldn't flirt with his former friend's brother, and yet.... If he was going to do it, he'd be subtle about it. It was his job, after all, and Quinn would have to figure out how much of his friendly demeanor was because he was a paying customer.
Ben
The sound of Quinn's laugh really did brighten Ben's day (and his smile), though he probably wouldn't admit that out loud. "No, Sir, I don't think it does," he joked in return, shaking his head. Quinn was the only customer in the diner - there was really nothing else to pull his attention away, and that's the way Ben liked it. "Oh, no - that's far too dangerous. When we're talking Brooke's menu, nothing on it's bad. But I'll surprise you, sure. Remember that you told me to surprise you, though. Give me a minute, I'll go put your order in." He gave Quinn a wink (was that too far? probably) before turning his back to head towards the kitchen and put the order in with Brooke. Once he had, he returned out to the dining area, running his hand down the counter before stopping in front of Quinn again. "How was work, then? Everything good, Professor Heartland?"
Quinn
"Damn, there goes that plan." Ben was just easy to get along with. He wasn't one of those townies that was immediately going to tell someone your business just for it to make its way clean through the gossip mill so everyone in the whole damn town knew. Not that Quinn's business was all that interesting to begin with, but that had been one of the main reasons he left. It had all just gotten old. A fond smile lingered on his lips as Ben praised Brooke's menu, and the wink left him absolutely endeared. Objectively, it was a good business model. Flirt a little bit with the customers, get a better tip. Quinn tipped him well anyway, but that was neither here nor there. "Everything's good. Some poor kid somehow managed to spill heptane on his pants while we were doing titrations in my intro chem lab, but all in all, that's a minor lab incident." He kept himself from rambling on too much about his day. "And how's your day been, handsome?" It rolled off his tongue before he could really second guess himself, so he rolled with it, pretending it had been intentional this whole time, waiting to see if it would make Ben blush.
Ben
"That's me, Ben Elman, plan-ruiner," he replied with a grin, tapping his fingers on the counter rhythmically. He was always more than willing to talk to Quinn - in fact, some people might call him eager to do so. In his childhood, he'd always been a little nervous around him, but, then again, he'd been a little nervous around most of his siblings' friends. He was glad he'd grown out of that stage of anxiety when it came to talking to people. When Quinn started talking about his day at school, Ben felt like he'd been thrown for a loop; he'd almost failed high school chemistry, and, since then, he'd avoided most talk about the topic. "Well, I've got no clue what heptane is and even less of a clue what a titration is, but I hope the kid's okay," he replied, concern in his eyes. Minor lab accidents could lead to major consequences, based on what little Ben remembered. When Quinn called him handsome, though, all worry for Quinn's student rushed out of his brain. He felt a flush rising to his cheeks, one hand coming up to cover his mouth to hide it at least a little bit. "Me?" he repeated, pointing at himself, glancing around as if Quinn was talking to somebody else. Once he was sure the flush had eased, he gave a shrug. "My day's been pretty good, same as usual, though. Of course, that's not a bad thing. Tell me - have you ever tried a fried Oreo? Or is it really as niche a treat as Brooke made me think it is?"
Quinn
"Oh, he's fine. Just had to talk a walk around the science building to let it dry," Quinn assured, not having realized that it wasn't immediately obvious. Of course it wasn't. Even though it was introductory chemistry, their high school chemistry class hadn't been all that comprehensive. Quinn couldn't imagine much had changed when Ben took it five years after him. His reaction was even better than Quinn had anticipated, all trepidation over whether he should've pushed the envelope with him gone. The word was overused among some of his students, but Ben really had to be the definition of wholesome. The blush, the genuine surprise at being addressed in such a way, even the fact that he'd likely been complimented in such a way before and he was still surprised was too damned cute. "A fried Oreo? Can't say that I have. Is that one of my surprises? If so, color me intrigued."
Ben
"Oh, okay, so it's not, like... deadly. That's good. I'm glad he's fine." Ben was just grateful that he only needed one science requirement to graduate and that his school let him take the world's simplest geology class to tick that requirement on his degree planning sheet. If he'd been forced into chemistry, he probably wouldn't have been able to graduate and he knew that. That was part of what made Quinn even more impressive to him; he had gotten enough degrees in chemistry to be able to teach chemistry in higher education - Ben couldn't come anywhere close to that. Raising his eyebrows at the fact that Quinn hadn't tried a fried Oreo either, Ben threw his hands up in the air. "Am I the only one in this town who has had one?" Returning back to the counter, Ben placed both hands in front of him, palms down, meeting Quinn's eyes. "No - no, they aren't on the menu yet, but come back, like... Friday? Next Friday? One of these Fridays, Brooke's gonna put them on there. And, when you do, you can try one with me. Because they're good. Definitely sweet as hell, but good. And I don't ruin surprises before they happen." He smiled a little bit, just enough to bring out his dimples, glancing over his shoulder towards the kitchen before returning his attention to Quinn. "I think you'll like what I picked out, though."
Quinn
"He was more embarrassed than anything. The lab TA automatically has to report a spill to me, regardless of whether or not it's something innocuous, but luckily I've never had any major lab catastrophes that resulted in serious injury." It was lucky. He was glad that his students all seemed to have at least the most basic level of competence. He couldn't help but chuckle at Ben's surprised reaction to him not having tried a fried Oreo. "So I'm not the only one to have disappointed you in the fried Oreo department? Good to know." He listened as Ben told him about when they were going to make it onto the menu, glancing at the appearance of those adorable dimples before meeting his gaze again. "One of these Fridays, huh? Will you be working when we try these fried Oreos?" It was a not so subtle commentary about how they tended to see each other when Ben was working. And as much as he enjoyed seeing him in his work environment, he did wonder about seeing him when he was off the clock. Wondered if there was any interest, or if he always reacted that way to a playful compliment. "I'm sure I will. I trust your judgment," he agreed. He was going to like it even if he didn't like it. Which seemed unlikely, considering his raving review of Brooke's cooking.
Ben
“Oh, you’ve got TAs? You’re fancy, huh?” Ben teased playfully, a grin remaining on his face. “But I’m glad you haven’t had any major spills, too. That’s probably why I should never be invited into a chemistry lab. I’d break something bad, or spill something worse. I’m kind of a disaster in the lab.” Despite the fact that he had good hand eye coordination - good enough that he started at shortstop for three out of his four years of high school baseball - he always seemed to manage to make a mess out of the chemistry lab. “Brooke’s never tried one either...!” He explained, a teasing hint of frustration seeping into his voice. He couldn’t believe that people hadn’t had fried Oreos in their life. Ben had a hard time turning them down; he was glad that he could introduce them to the diner’s menu soon enough. Tilting his head slightly at the question, he raised his eyebrows. “Am I going to be working...?” He repeated back at him. “Um... maybe...? Am I?” Part of Ben thought that that was Quinn’s way of asking him on a date, and, if it was, Ben wouldn’t hesitate to agree. “Oh- thanks. My judgement can be good when it comes to food, but that’s about it,” he joked, the smile returning to his features. When he heard the bell by the kitchen ding, he turned on his heel to grab the food, coming back with two plates. “Okay, so latkes or grilled cheese and tomato soup, take your pick. Whichever one you don’t eat, I will.” Maybe it was a bold decision, but he didn’t regret making it yet.
Quinn
"If you want to call it that," Quinn said with a casual shrug. Truth be told, he was well aware that the whole professor thing worked for him. He was hoping it would for a while. Truth be told, he didn't ever really plan on settling down for good. That ideal had bit the dust long ago. But he didn't assume that anyone he ended up dating or hooking up with wanted that sort of thing anyway. He was more of a mister right now than a mister forever. He chuckled at Ben's comments about avoiding a chemistry lab. "Well, if you had an interest in the lab, I'd invite you. Provided you were wearing safety goggles and didn't touch anything. Just to be safe," he teased. Truly, he doubted that Ben was as much of a disaster as he claimed to be. "Besides, you should probably give yourself more credit. Who's ever heard of a clumsy waiter?" He raised his eyebrows as Ben went on about how Brooke hadn't tried one. "I'm sure you'll remedy that as soon as you get the chance," he said with a playful smirk. Ben seemed genuinely baffled at the question, and Quinn blamed it on poor flirting. Seemed like Ben was someone he might have to be a bit more direct with. He could make that work. That smile of his was cute, though. He wouldn't mind being the cause of that more often. When he came back, Quinn immediately eyed the tomato soup and grilled cheese. "Yes, you do have good judgment. God. Ultimate comfort food right here, and you really can't have one without the other. Gotta dip it," he said with a grin.
Ben  
"Yeah, I do want to call it that, actually," he joked with a smile, leaning against the counter a little more. At the teasing, he playfully rolled his eyes, locking his hands behind his back, left wrist over right wrist. "Yes, Sir, I'd keep my hands behind my back just like this to be safe. Good thing I'm good at following directions, huh?" Returning his hands to the counter in front of him, Ben's smile remained on his face. Maybe he'd have to take Quinn up on that offer to visit the lab someday - not just because his mind went plenty of dirty places thinking about being in Quinn's place of work, quickly shooing aside the professor fantasy he had in his head. He was at work, after all. "Oh - I wouldn't say I'm clumsy. Just that me and chemistry labs don't mix well. I've got good hand-eye coordination otherwise, I played baseball all through high school, varsity all four years, started my last three. But at the same time I was starting on the diamond, I was knocking over vials and shit in the chemistry classroom. God, Mr. Whatever-His-Name-Was hated me..." Ben muttered, shaking his head and rubbing at the back of his neck with a smile. "I definitely will. I'm swinging by the grocery store to pick up Oreos tomorrow, she's gotta try it. You've gotta try it. It's so good, I promise. But, like, cheat day only good. Because if you eat them every day, you'll feel like shit. Don't ask me how I know that." His freshman year of college had been a dangerous time. When he returned with the food, he smiled at the compliment, setting the grilled cheese and tomato soup down in front of Quinn and accepting the plate of latkes for himself. "For sure, yeah. It's not half as good without the dipping. But I'm glad I made a good choice. Enjoy, Professor."
Quinn  
It was entirely too easy to lean into the sexy professor thing. Van Halen's Hot for Teacher had come out five years before he was born, but it sure as hell seemed to apply with some of his hookups. He'd never been stupid enough to hook up with a student, of course, but he had fucked more than one person over his desk with his office door locked behind him. "Very good thing," Quinn said, his mind inclined to wander about just how good he was at it. He'd find out later, if things turned out the way he wanted them to. It was endearing to hear about his high school days, considering his words until he got to Mr. Whatever-His-Name-Was. Eyes widening he said, "Oh, damn, did Dr. J finally retire when you got to high school chemistry? He looked like he was getting around to it when I graduated, but I always figured he'd be one of those that came back to sub when needed. Mr. Whatever-His-Name-Was sounds like a tool," he said with a dismissive roll of his eyes. He'd always admired his own chemistry teacher. He had a doctorate, but he came back to teach high school chemistry because the schedule was less demanding, and it was closer to home. Real family man. Quinn doubted he'd ever get to that point himself, but he could appreciate the fact that others were able to get their lives together enough to do something like that. "But if a chem lab makes you nervous, I can always show you my office," he added with a perfectly innocent expression. "Your choice." He chuckled when Ben went on about the Oreos as a cheat day only food. "I'll take your word for it," he promised before digging into his meal, promptly dipping the tip of the grilled cheese into the tomato soup and taking a bite. "Mm. I am already," he said after the first bite. 
Ben  
At the praise - if one could even consider it praise - Ben felt his cheeks flush a little bit more. Turning around to pretend to check the state of the milkshake machine behind him, Ben forced himself to take a deep breath. Now was not the time or the place - even though his shift was coming to a close, he was still at work, and Quinn was technically his customer. He was grateful for the talk of high school; there was nothing less sexy in Ben's book than high school chemistry. "Yeah, he retired a year before me. All my siblings praised Mr. J to all heavens, but I got stuck with this... yeah - he was a tool. All around asshole, glad I don't have to deal with him anymore -- I used to turn in homework and then get 0s on it because he claimed I never turned it in, when I very clearly did turn it in- which is how I nearly failed the class. Well, that, plus the fact that I can't do chemistry." It was too much memorization for him. How was he even supposed to begin to remember the whole periodic table, anyways? The next phrase caught him entirely off-guard again, his eyes dropping to the floor so he didn't have to make eye contact with Quinn while his mind wandered. "I'm sure your office is really nice." It was probably best to leave that at that for now. Grabbing a set of silverware for himself, he poured the applesauce onto the latkes, taking a bite with a hum. "Good, I'm glad you like it," he spoke, covering his mouth with the back of his hand in case there was any food in there while he talked. "You want a milkshake with that, too? On me...?" That was his best way of flirting while he was on the job, plus he knew that Quinn had his affinity for a chocolate milkshake.
Quinn  
It was just too easy to make him blush, a fact that Quinn was taking full advantage of. He wasn't going to push it too much. After all, the poor guy was working. If he wanted an out, there was literally no getting away from him until he left. Still, his body language implied none of the sort, as far as he could tell. Well, maybe he was a little bit flustered. Quinn would take it easy on him. He looked more comfortable as they moved to the subject of high school chemistry. Truthfully, chemistry had kicked his ass a time or two in his undergraduate. He'd failed Calculus 1 the first go around in college and had to take it again in order to have enough working calculus knowledge to do chemistry. It had been a fucking shit show for a while there, but his stubbornness won out. "It's not for everyone. But I guarantee you'd've had a better time with it if you'd had Dr. J. Guy gets out of Edgewater to get his doctorate and comes back because he wants to teach high schoolers. Practically qualifies him for sainthood." He watched Ben's gaze move to the floor when he mentioned his office and held back a smirk. "It is. There's a desk for working and a couch for when it's time to take a break." His tone was even, not at all suggestive, but providing just enough information for Ben to have a mental picture. He grinned when Ben offered him a milkshake. Didn't go quite as well with this dish, but he sure as hell wasn't going to be turning it down, either. "I'd love that. But only if I'm buying your dinner."
Ben  
"Wish I could turn back time and be born two years earlier, if only to have Dr. J. teaching me high school chemistry," he joked, tapping his fingers against the counter. He didn't want to think about himself as the type that peaked in high school. While he'd had some good experiences in high school, he truly hoped that the best was yet to come. He didn't want to think the peak of his life was winning the state championship in baseball his senior year, didn't want to think that the peak of his submission was kneeling in some barn to give a guy head after the homecoming bonfire in the fall. He had more to experience, he knew it. When Quinn continued to describe the office, Ben wondered if he was doing so on purpose just to tease him. He could practically picture it, if he closed his eyes and really tried to. He was sure that it looked good - better than what his imagination could come up with, in fact. "It's probably nice to have a couch in there for when you want it. But also nice to have a desk so you can actually focus when you need to." Don't think about it, Ben. Don't think about any of it. Turning around to make his milkshake, Ben quickly shook his head in dismissal. "No, no, don't worry about it. You don't have to do that." It was definitely a nice gesture, in Ben's mind, but he didn't want to be a burden to Quinn just because he'd decided to order an extra dish when Quinn only needed one. Quickly making the chocolate milkshake, he set it down on the counter in front of Quinn, setting a straw next to it. "But that's yours, no fighting back, Sir." A big grin accompanied those words, taking another bite of his latkes to occupy his mouth afterwards.
Quinn  
"He gave you peanut m&ms if you got a hard question right, and I really don't think there's any topping that incentive," Quinn joked back. The longer they talked, the less he saw Ben as his high school friend's kid brother. It was easy to push the scrawny ten year old out of his mind when he looked like this. And when his back was turned, it was human nature that allowed for his gaze to dip down to his ass for just a moment. "It is nice having options," Quinn said. His tone of voice made the comment perfectly innocuous; it was up to Ben to interpret it how he would. He cracked a smile when Ben told him that he didn't have to do that. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to," he pointed out. "And it's really rare that I'll do something out of obligation. Well. Outside of a work context, anyway. I'll teach an eight A.M. class out of obligation, but I'll buy a hot guy dinner just because I want to." Much more of a direct flirtation, and he waited for the telltale blush. He was taking it easy, but Ben had walked right into it with his whole 'you don't have to do that'. He stuck the straw in the milkshake and took a sip, closing his eyes and humming with an approving nod of his head. He thought about mentioning how the milkshake was the second most delicious thing he'd seen tonight, but he really didn't want the poor guy to end up choking on his latke.
Ben  
"I wish I got peanut M&Ms, instead I just got an inferiority complex and had to add humiliation to my list of hard limits," he replied, propping his chin up on his hand as he ate. That wasn't entirely true; he'd known his whole life that humiliation and degradation weren't things that turned him on, but he just thought that joking about it would make it easier to deal with in retrospect. "Yeah - yeah, options are nice..." he agreed, curious about what Quinn meant by that. He wasn't going to press, of course -- he was still at work, after all. But the thought would linger in his head long after he got off shift. When Quinn directly referred to him as a hot guy, Ben could feel his heart skip a beat. He almost felt like a kid again, crushing on his sibling's friend, but... there was something more to it. Maybe it was just the desire to submit. "Eight A.M.s suck... but you're the hot guy here, really." That sounded a lot better in his brain than it did coming out of his mouth. He never thought of himself as a bad flirt, so why was it so hard for him to flirt back right now? Taking another bite of his latke so his mouth was too occupied to talk and embarrass him again, he smiled at the hum of approval - Ben craved approval more than he'd ever be able to admit. Once he'd swallowed the bite, he spoke again, another attempt to flirt. "I'm really glad you like it, Sir." Using the honorific again, more than he typically would with old friends of his siblings'. He had always been taught to respect Dominants, sure, but this was going a bit more than respect, in his head; once per conversation was enough respect, but, now, he was really milking the honorific, trying to see what it would get out of Quinn.
Quinn  
Quinn picked up on the interesting observation from the other. Truthfully, he could take or leave that sort of thing, anyway. He would do it if the person he was doing a scene with requested it, but it was by no means his favorite. He could be an asshole at times, without a doubt, but he didn't personally understand the appeal of being mean just to be mean. He was sure there were other perspectives on it as well, but that was for another conversation. "Thank you, Ben. This seems to be one of the cases where there are two right answers," he said with a teasing grin. It was sort of cute, how he was muddling through the whole flirting thing. Quinn was typically the type to go for the easy hook up, but he genuinely enjoyed talking with Ben like this. He wouldn't mind if this was as far as Ben wanted to take it, even though he was getting the hint that he might want more. He'd noticed all of the sirs Ben dropped in conversation, and he idly wondered if that meant that he wanted to submit to him in particular. A good looking, nice guy like him surely had no trouble finding someone to submit to, but he might still be shopping around. "There's a lot to like about the diner this time of night," he mused in return, taking another bite of his tomato soup dipped grilled cheese.
Ben  
Ben had never felt quite like this with anyone else, which surprised him; he flirted a lot, with plenty of other people even during work hours. So why was he so uncertain of it now? Was it because of his childhood experience with Quinn? Or was it because of more recent conversations with him, their frequent run-ins at the diner? Or was it things in this conversation in particular that were making it difficult for Ben to keep up? Had it been that long since he'd submitted to someone else? No, not really. Then what was it...? "Oh - so you were just teasing me, knowing that whatever I was gonna say was gonna be right? That's sneaky, Quinn..." he joked, lips curling up into a smile again. "It's like giving a sub two options and the Dom knowing that both options are good but the sub doesn't know that, so you're being a tease..." Quickly taking another bite of his latkes to keep himself from rambling anymore, he looked down at his food, glancing back up at Quinn. He really did like the way that Quinn said his name. What would it sound like if he called him Benjamin...? "Oh, yeah, the neon looks really good, doesn't it?" glancing around, he gave a little smile. "It's quiet, but not bad quiet. Not creepy quiet, either. Just... comforting quiet. I like it a lot. Feels... cozy, y'know?" 
Quinn  
"What can I say? You looked like you'd be fun to tease," Quinn responded with a playful wink. He didn't let his mind wander around the specifics of how he'd tease Ben if the two of them were ever really alone. It was cute, the little routine of saying something and then quickly munching on his food to make sure he didn't say more than he intended to. "Do you like being teased, Benjamin?" The urge to touch had reached its peak, and the only thing holding him back was the fact that he had something to do with his hands. Sliding the milkshake closer, he sucked on the straw and gave Ben a quizzical look. However, then his wandering thoughts quieted as Ben commented on the neon and the quiet. Sure, he was cute flustered, but he was adorable in an environment that was clearly comfortable to him. "It's nice," he had to agree. "Part of the reason I didn't just get a place in Denver. A lot easier to find a quiet place to grade or relax in a place like Edgewater." When he'd left, the quiet had been too much. All he'd wanted was out of his thoughts, out of his head. He'd gotten that however he could at college. Throwing himself into extra-curriculars he didn't really care about. Throwing himself into his homework. Throwing himself into parties where he drank so much he couldn't remember. It was still hard being back, but thirteen years made it hurt a little less. A dull ache as opposed to a fresh wound.
Ben  
Running his tongue over his teeth, Ben tried his best to hold back a blush this time. Did he look fun to tease? What did that mean, to look fun to tease? Was that a good thing? Mulling over the words in his mind, Ben was slightly distracted until Quinn spoke up again. Holy fuck... it was almost like Quinn could read his mind. And yes, he decided, he very much did like the way his full name sounded coming out of Quinn's mouth. He could almost imagine it now, Ben dropping into subspace with Quinn's hand in his hair, speaking kindly to him, calling him Benjamin and good boy and so many other beautiful things-- until he realized he'd been asked a question. "Yes, Sir..." Forcing himself to take deep breaths, Ben focused on things around them - the smell of the latkes and the grilled cheese, the way the neon reflected off of the counter, the way his nails were getting too long for his comfort and how he'd have to cut them when he got back home. The three glasses drying on the counter behind him. Enough to distract him until he felt calm enough to continue their conversation. "Well, I'm glad you came home. I mean that." Ben had understood the desire to leave, to see other things, when he graduated high school, too. He enjoyed his time in California, but he really had missed Edgewater; he had no regrets about coming back home afterwards. And now, those feelings were even stronger. Maybe his reasons were selfish, but he really was glad to see Quinn back in town.
Quinn  
Quinn waited ever so patiently for Ben to answer his question, noting the long pause but deciding against pointing it out. His gaze wandered around the room, and Quinn had to wonder if Ben had been submitting regularly. Of course it was none of his business yet, and he wasn't going to ask. But he did seem awfully flustered for someone who was submitting on the regular. He'd find out if Ben wanted to tell him. All teasing aside, this would of course only go as far as Ben wanted it to. He quietly finished off his grilled cheese and soup, the silence comfortable enough for him even as he wondered what Ben might be thinking about. When he did finally speak up, the comment made him smile. It wasn't unequivocally good to be back, but it had been better than he expected. Family was a good enough reason to come back, for him. Everett was here. Noel was back. Quinn was by no means completely responsible, but the two of them needed someone to keep an eye on them before they crashed a tractor or worse. "You grew up," he mused, glancing over at him again. "I don't know if I can still call you kid now that you're taller than me."
Ben  
How long had it been? Two weeks, maybe more? That thing with Theo, whatever it was, seemed like ages ago now. And he knew that she had her eyes on other subs, and the two of them would never end up together; it just wouldn't work, they were too close of friends to be Claim partners. Not to say that a Claim can't be a friend, too... A brief shake of his head stopped his thoughts from running again, finishing up his latkes in that comfortable silence again, the sound of silverware almost as comforting as the neon reflecting off the countertops. At the comment about him growing up, Ben shrugged. "I never really liked it when anybody called me kid, anyways, if I'm being honest." There are plenty of other things you could call me, though. Reaching to take his clean plate and bowl back to the kitchen, he looked over his shoulder at him. "Benjamin worked. Ben's good, too. Whatever you want, really. I'll grab your check in a minute."
Quinn  
"Everett did it just to annoy me, which I caught on to pretty quick," he replied. He and his brother had had a relatively decent balance of getting along and fighting, but for the longest time, he'd been the one Quinn looked up to. Eventually he'd gotten over that, not wanting to get into any serious trouble that would prevent him from actually getting out of Edgewater some day. The Heartland name could only do a person so many favors, and it really didn't extend beyond the outskirts of town. "No rush on the check, Ben," he promised with an easygoing smile. "I'm enjoying your company." Back to a neutral enough compliment. He really didn't want to get the submissive too flustered, after all. There was a balance to it. The teasing comments and the more real things. Well, as real as Quinn got with anyone. This town made him nostalgic. He'd built up his walls in anticipation of them coming down easier in a place that was familiar even after over a decade away.
Ben  
"We were never the 'kid' type of family, you know? Like, sure, I got called it at least a couple times, but it was never enough to get on my nerves. I just didn't prefer it."  His siblings were certainly some of his closest friends, but that was likely a whole different story. He knew that he could look up to them no matter what, and he was grateful for everything they'd done in paving the way for him through school. A good reputation was definitely a nice starting block to have. Going to grab the check, he shot Quinn a smile. "No - no rush on your end. Seriously. I'm enjoying your company, too." Part of it was the easy flow of conversation, another part was that he was definitely attracted to Quinn, at least as a person who he could be friends with. He had no idea what Quinn was like as a Dominant, but part of Ben (a large part) hoped that he'd get to find out. Setting the check down in front of him, without the latkes and the milkshake on there, he leaned against the counter again. "So, classes tomorrow? Do you have to teach any 8 AMs this semester?"
Quinn  
"How is your family, by the way?" He saw Ben because of the diner, but he hadn't really run into any of the other Elmans. It was a typical train of conversation, and truth be told, he was asking more out of habit than a general desire to know. Old habits apparently come back, even after thirteen years. It wasn't all that much of a surprise that he hadn't run into any of Ben's family. He didn't spend all that much time in Edgewater, even though he lived there. He went grocery shopping and to the diner, but he wasn't overly keen on socializing with many people. He'd be staying for at least the rest of the school year, but he had no idea if he was going to make a longer commitment than that. "Thank you," he added, looking over the check before raising his eyebrows. "You're really not going to let me buy you dinner, Benjamin?" He thought about making a comment about saving that for another time. "Yes, and yes. I just make my own coffee on 8 AM days so I can roll out of bed at the last minute possible. Luckily tomorrow my first is a 10:30 lecture. Then I have a lab from 2 to 5. What about you?"
Ben  
"Oh, they're good - everybody's good. Dad's back into needlepointing, Mom's still cooking Sunday night dinners, everybody's good. You should come over one of these Sundays, catch up. We'd all like to have you, I'm sure of it." He nodded - Quinn used to be around so frequently when he was a kid; Ben was certain he'd be welcomed back into the Elman household with open arms. "I'd ask the same about your family, but I've seen pretty much everybody around, I think. Everyone looks healthy and happy. And the hayrides are as much of a hit as they ever were." It was nice, living someplace where he knew everyone. While it made dating more difficult, it made his day-to-day life much easier. There was less animosity when you knew everyone around you, it seemed. Except for the feud, and Ben pretended like that just didn't exist. At Quinn's question, Ben shook his head, biting back a smile. "No, Sir, I'm not." Holding back his own comment about saving it for another time, Ben looked him in the eyes, finally letting the smile raise up onto his cheeks. "I start at 9 tomorrow morning, get off at 5. Like a regular old businessman," he joked, grinning. "Or whenever Brooke tells me to leave. It's scheduled 9 to 5, but it all depends on how busy the diner is."
Quinn  
He'd really walked right into that one, and he was kicking himself. Wholesome family dinners with people who weren't his family was exactly the sort of thing he had no desire to do. "Thanks. Maybe one of these Sundays I won't put off grading until the last minute." It was an easy out, and he was grateful for the fact that he was still pretty good at thinking on his feet when it came to this sort of thing. He chuckled at the mention of the hayrides. "Is it really hayride season if one of the Heartlands isn't joking about stealing the tractor?" Noel really needed to get his vehicle fixed. "If you insist," Quinn replied, pulling out his wallet, fully intending to leave a generous tip. "But I'll be buying you the fried Oreo when it gets added to the menu," he said with a grin of his own. "Ah. I get the feeling Stream would be a good boss, though," he said, the childhood nickname rolling off his tongue without a second thought. "I think the only times I've ever seen this place busy is when there's some sort of event going on in town." Which also happened a fair amount of the time. Edgewater was one of those little towns that stuck to its traditions.
Ben  
"And I thought you would've figured out time management by now," Ben teased in a friendly manner, a smile on his lips. "You're always welcome, just let me know." Pushing a hand through his hair to get some of it out of his face, he propped his chin up on his wrist again after that. "You'll be able to see my naivety real quick, but don't tractors go, like, five miles an hour at best? What's the point of stealing one, you aren't gonna get anywhere." He didn't really get it, he knew he didn't. He'd grown up in town, not on the outskirts, so the farms around Edgewood weren't exactly his area of expertise, no matter how much Theo had tried to teach him over the years. "I do insist, actually. But I will take you up on one of those fried Oreos." Ben nodded in agreement, giving him a smile. "Stream?" he laughed at the nickname, looking over his shoulder. "Why do you call her that?" Genuinely curious, and also wanting to get Quinn to talk more, to stay longer, to be around him for as long as possible. "Yeah, that's true, but it's not like Edgewater is a dull place - especially with all that construction going on, people are talking, and people come here to talk over a good meal. It's interesting - nobody really seems to know what's going on. Weird, huh?" Glancing out the window, he turned his gaze back to Quinn. "But - yeah, you're right. It's not busy all that much, so... I've got plenty of free time, Sir."
Quinn  
"That would be the adult thing to do. But I'm never out of bed before nine unless I absolutely have to be, so I guess I missed the memo on a few of those adult things," he joked back. It was one thing with Ben, he'd decided. But he really hadn't stayed close with all that many of his high school friends. Brooke was definitely an exception, not a rule. They'd been hanging out since they were in diapers because their moms had been best friends. When they were both out in California, they made time to see each other. When she was on tour in Baltimore, he skipped his homework for the night to catch her show. He hadn't ended up on bad terms with any of the Elmans, they'd just sort of fallen off each others' radars. "That's what it feels like when you get stuck behind one on the road," he admitted with a laugh. "But top speed's actually 25 miles per hour. So. Definitely quicker and less effort than riding a bike, if it really came down to it." He had a fair amount of useless farm knowledge considering he'd never planned to seriously work on the farm. It had been more of a summer job, helping out when needed. Quinn pulled out his phone, opening a new contact and offering it to Ben. "Text me when they're officially on the menu?" It was innocent enough, and an easy enough in. He shook his head at himself for the slip up. "Well, when you were a toddler, I was busy being absolutely insufferable in second grade, and when I learned that stream was a synonym for brook, she never had a chance." It was a dumb story, one he hadn't had the need to tell in years. "I'm sure someone knows what's going on," he reasoned. "But whoever that someone is is doing a damn good job of being tight lipped." That was almost more impressive, all things considered. It made him think that it had to be the doing of an out of towner. "Oh? And what do you like to do in your free time, Ben?"
Ben  
"Oh, please - nine is still early, I'm not judging you at all. Between you and me? On days I don't work, sometimes I sleep in until ten." He chuckled at his own story, propping his elbows up on the counter again, despite how far he had to bend down to do so. Maybe he hadn't grown out of his high school days, off-season, when he could sleep in in the mornings on weekends and not have to worry about practice or games. "Oh, 25? That's fast as hell, please, forgive me," he teased, holding his hands up in a surrender-esque gesture. Despite his teasing, though, he had loved the sound of Quinn's laughter. His brain started to work on how he could hear the noise again. He hadn't ridden a bike in years, not since he got his car. He remembers liking it as a kid, though, despite how frequently he was lectured about wearing a helmet and staying off the streets. He was pleasantly surprised when Quinn offered him his phone to put his number in. "Yes, Sir, I can do that. Consider yourself on the exclusive Ben Elman Mac's Diner Mailing List," he joked, but he really was glowing with joy about getting to give Quinn his number. Typing it in, putting his name in as Benjamin Elman, he slid the phone back. He had been considering dropping his last name, but he knew that there were plenty of Benjamins out there, and he didn't want Quinn getting confused. "You'll have to text me later so I've got your number, too." He listened along with the story, feeling a little dumb when it took him a second to get it. "Oh, like - the- like a river, brook. Not like, Brooke with an e at the end. Science was not my thing, can you tell?" Nodding along with Quinn's commentary on the construction, Ben bit the inside of his cheek, silently pondering. "Yeah, I wish I could know more..." He muttered, fingers pulling at his sleeve. "In my free time? Read? Watch movies, relax, come to town... pretty much anything, you name it." Go on a date with you. "What do you like to do in your free time?" 
Quinn  
"How rebellious," Quinn replied immediately, laughing. The conversation between the two of them was so easy. It was impossible not to notice that, even though he wasn't sure what to do with the information. Ignore it, that was probably for the best. Not overthink it. At least, not while he was still right in front of him at the diner. "Fast enough for there to be a drive your tractor to school day. Although, come to think of it, that might've been something Everett made up when our folks grounded him from the car," he said with a shake of his head. "Exclusive, huh? Lucky me," he teased right back, taking the phone when it was handed back to him. He noticed the formal first name last name format, and he was pretty sure that Ben thought his social circle was a lot more extensive than it really was. "Oh, I intend to," he responded, immediately snapping a selfie with a goofy face and sending it to his new contact. "Use it responsibly," he said with a very serious expression before cracking a smile. "Science isn't my thing sometimes, so I get it. I worked in a lab after I graduated college, and my boss brought me donuts when I looked stressed, so apparently I have a very obvious stressed look," he joked. Ben looked genuinely concerned about the construction, and he wished he had some useful information if only to assuage whatever feelings he was having. It was a protective instinct, usually reserved for family or friends. "A lot of the same. I've been trying to go to the gym at least once a week, so that's been interesting." He certainly wasn't going to mention how he'd gone flying off the back of a treadmill the other day.
Ben  
"That's me, Edgewood's most rebellious sub." Ben laughed at his own joke, knowing he was probably far to the opposite side of the spectrum. He was genuinely enjoying their conversation. It came easier now that he was comfortable with their flirting, easier to put the past in the past and accept the simple fact that he was attracted to Quinn. "Yeah, I don't think drive your tractor to school day was an actual thing, sorry to burst that bubble." Not that he would've been surprised if there had been; Edgewater was a town that would have something like that every year. "Yeah, it's really exclusive, 'cause you're the only one that gets it, and you can ask for updates on things, too. I hear the guy running the newsletter is a pretty quick responder, too." When he watched Quinn take the selfie, he smiled affectionately, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Yes, Sir. Sorry I forgot the picture for you, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only Benjamin Elman that you know, so." Now he wished he had put a picture in Quinn's phone. "Aren't you, like, a doctor of science, though? You've gotta be, like, ten times better at it than I am." He nodded along with what Quinn told him he was doing now that he was back in Edgewater. "Hey, that's more dedication than I've got. I go maybe once biweekly, but I also jog a lot, so... I guess there's that. I may not be in peak baseball shape, but I could still hold my own on a diamond, I think. I can still fit the letterman's jacket, at the very least, so that's a win."
Quinn  
"You know, something tells me that isn't the case," Quinn teased. Truthfully, he had no idea what kind of submissive Ben was. That was part of the intrigue. With the data he had so far, he could see him going either way. He was curious to find out, but he didn't want to spook Ben too early on. "And here I was thinking they just quit the tradition before I got a chance to try it out," he said with a shake of his head. "Yeah? Glad I'm signed up for it, then," he said. "You're the only Benjamin that I know. Or at least, the only one to be a contact in my phone." His contact list was pretty sparse. He wasn't much of a casual texter. He chuckled when Ben commented on his being a doctor of science. "I am. But no one likes it when someone brags about being a doctor of science." Truthfully, it had been a lot of work, and he was still paying off student loans. But he liked teaching well enough. He'd had too many shitty professors along the way to not try to be one of the better ones, even if it was only better in comparison. "See, the idea of jogging is just so fundamentally unpleasant that I've decided to avoid it at all costs." The last time he'd tried it had been the treadmill fiasco, so it was clearly for good reason. More beneficial for his health not to jog, if you thought about it.
Ben  
“You might be right on that assumption, but there’s only one way to find out...” Ben really hoped that Quinn wanted someone who could be obedient. Who was obedient. He just hoped that they were truly as compatible as they seemed to be. “I’m the only one, really?” So he could have just left it at Benjamin. Too late for regrets now. He almost never used his full name with anyone, but giving it to Quinn just felt right. With Quinn’s beautiful voice, he wanted to be Benjamin. “It’s not bragging. I’m more than happy to listen to you talking about your accomplishments, Sir.” That was true; even though Ben might not understand it all, he was definitely going to try. He laughed at Quinn’s feelings about jogging, propping his chin up on his knuckles again. “I just like the scenery changes better than I like the treadmill. And I can run at my perfect pace, not at a weird increment that’s just a tiny bit off. And I can slow down or speed up as much as I want whenever I want.” He realized soon after that he was probably rambling. “There are a lot of pros to it, I mean. I like it. But I’m not gonna push you into going jogging just because I like it. It’s perfectly normal to disagree with me, I mean. The gym is nice for weights, though.”
Quinn  
And an awfully flirty comment coming from the youngest Elman. He was pleased with his poker face because if he didn't have one, he might very well have fallen right out of his stool. "And would you like for me to find out?" Asked innocently enough. He didn't bother putting any innuendo into the question because the words spoke for themselves. "You are," he added in response to Ben's question. Well aren't you just the cutest. He was hot, to be sure, but somehow he managed to be both all at once. "I'll let you in on a little secret, then. Half the reason I got my doctorate is because I knew the hot professor thing would work for me," he joked. Well, half-joked. The tie and button down sleeves rolled up to his elbows only served to emphasize his point. "Oh, I don't get along with a treadmill either," he replied immediately. "Probably wouldn't have bit the dust the other day if I had just gone on a jog outside." It was cute, though, the rambling about jogging. Quinn might actually consider rolling out of bed at a semi-decent hour to go on a jog with him. God, wasn't that a horrifying thought? "Yeah, I'll be sticking with the weights there from now on."
Ben  
The question sounded so innocuous, but if Ben had been any less stable, it might’ve taken him out. Yes, it’s what I’ve been trying to get you to ask the whole night...! “I think I’d like that, Sir,” he replied after taking a deep breath to steady himself. That was the hardest part; admitting that he wanted that. He did it, though. He did it. “The hot professor thing really works for you. Like, really.” That was what he’d been thinking about the whole night, after all. Raising his eyebrows at Quinn’s seemingly continuous failures in cardio, he nodded at the comment about sticking to weights. “Well, if you ever need a spotter, you know where to find one. Especially now.”
Quinn  
"Good boy, Benjamin. Thank you for telling me," he said, a sincere compliment as he looked at him across the counter. He stood up from his stool, knowing that both he and Brooke were likely wanting to close up shot, and he'd lingered long past his welcome. Well. Brooke had never failed him as a wingwoman before. Grinning at the compliment, he took his coat in hand. "Thank you. Hot waiter is not a trope I'd considered before, and yet..." He teased as he let his sentence trail off. "Oh? I suppose we'll have to work off those Oreos somehow." He contemplated making a comment about him getting too distracted, but he was still playing the balancing game, not flirting too much at once.
Ben  
Oh, holy shit... Ben had to grip the counter to keep himself from stumbling. At the same time, he bit down on his tongue to keep himself from moaning. The words replayed over and over again in his mind, though. Good boy, Benjamin. Good boy, Benjamin. Good boy, Benjamin. “Oh, wait, don’t you want change for that...?” He asked as he saw Quinn gathering his coat. Picking up the check and the payment off of the counter, he figured Quinn had to want change; it was a pretty big tip otherwise. “Yeah, hot waiter isn’t exactly... peak sexy, I’ll admit,” he chuckled in concession. He was a service sub, though; with a little twist, something like this could be incredibly sexy to him. “I guess we will.” He did want to spend more time with Quinn outside of work; he’d do pretty much anything to get it. But he couldn’t just reach for him and ask him to stay until the end of his shift, to his dismay. “Just text me whenever. Seriously. I’m always around, Sir.” He sincerely hoped that that would be enough.
Quinn  
Quinn saw the reaction to his words and seriously contemplated taking him home with him right now. His shift was clearly over, and those three words likely wouldn't have had such an effect on him if he were submitting regularly. "No change. I got excellent service," he replied with a grin. He thought about how Ben was easily the sexiest waiter he'd seen, but that was a thought better stuck in his head. Not to mention, he wasn't usually in the habit of having extended conversations with his waiters, so that ruled out a good deal of them out of hand. Whenever, he noted. The invitation was really open, and he couldn't help but wonder again if he wanted to do this right now. "What are you doing after your shift ends?" This was why his time management went to hell. He found a pretty sub and there went his plans to grade.
Ben  
"Do you want to leave a note for Brooke letting her know you had good service at the diner tonight?" he teased, trying to get his mind to quiet down -- good boy, Benjamin -- it would be for the best if it just let him focus on the conversation at hand. "But thanks. Really." The tip was excessive, but Ben wasn't going to insist on giving the money back to Quinn. He could buy himself an extra hot chocolate or three in the morning. Or rent a movie. Or buy a toy. He could treat himself to something, and he was grateful. "After my shift..." he repeated, running his thumb over his lower lip, looking down at the counter as if he was contemplating. "Well, I was going to go home and make dinner, but now that I've already had dinner, it looks like my planner's empty. Why?" His eyes returned to Quinn's face as he spoke. Ben was almost bouncing on his toes with enthusiasm. He wanted the invitation - was it a dream that he was getting it so soon? Was he daydreaming? Had Quinn already left the diner, leaving him in the relative silence of the old Edgewater establishment? Or was this reality? Was he about to get something that he'd wanted since he first laid eyes on Quinn again...? 
Quinn  
“I might just. Never had a favorite waiter before, so here’s to new experiences,” he replied with an easygoing grin. He was aware that this tip was certainly bordering on excessive, but Ben didn’t seem to mind. Things were just easy with him in a way they hadn’t been since-. He should put the brakes on this. Logically he knew that. Still, was he going to actually listen to logic where Ben was involved? Probably fucking not. “I’m interested to find out if your claim about being Edgewater’s most rebellious sub is accurate,” he admitted. “I know it’s a rather last minute invitation; if you’d rather plan for another time, that can be arranged, too.” It was nice, knowing that regardless, Ben was interested in exploring this with him at some point. They had the hardest part of the conversation out of the way, now it was just a matter of when.
Ben  
"Here's to new experiences," he repeated back with a smile, Quinn's grin enough to make Ben want to return it. Going to the cash register, he quickly put away what Quinn owed, storing the rest in his own tip compartment, closing things up after that. Turning his attention back to Quinn, his heart almost leapt out of his chest. "It's not accurate," he replied, unable to bite his tongue. "Unless rebellion is your thing? I could be- I mean- fuck--" he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. Forcing himself to take a breath before he continued, he nodded. "I mean, now's good - not now, but, like..." glancing at the clock on the wall, he nodded. "Twenty minutes from now? I'm free. Are you sure you don't have... like... other things? You don't have to be up too early for this? Because I want this. I do - I just- are you sure?" Trying to get his words straight, Ben looked over at Quinn, both excited and anxious at the same time. "If you wanna sit with me 'til the end of my shift, we can maybe discuss limits and the rest? Unless somebody else comes in before my replacement, then I'd have to worry about them, but - if nobody does...? We could talk?"
Quinn  
They were back to the part where Ben was incredibly flustered once again. “No, I didn’t think it was,” he agreed with a smile. “You like being a good boy too much to misbehave, right?” he asked, wanting to reach out and brush his hands through his hair but holding back for now. “Twenty minutes, sure. I can help you put the chairs on top of tables or whatever you do to close up shop, too,” he offered. He didn’t mind being put to work, particularly now that the place was Brooke’s. “I’m sure, Ben,” he added, making sure to make eye contact with him to drive the message home. “I’m interested in you. And I’m flattered that you’re willing to try this with me.” He wanted to make sure Ben was aware that he was wanted, too. Quinn then set his coat back down, pulling up the seat he’d just vacated. “Let’s talk about it,” he agreed. 
Ben  
"The more you call me good boy on shift, the less my brain realizes I'm on shift," he pointed out. As much as he wanted to drop to his knees right then and there, he couldn't exactly do that -- he was still working, after all. "The diner's 24/7, Sir. I'm not closing, I'm just off-shift. We've got replacements coming in in 20 minutes." Nineteen minutes. God, if only time could move a little bit faster, Ben would appreciate it endlessly. When Quinn pointed out that he was interested in him, Ben had to do his best to keep from blushing. "I'm flattered that you're willing to try this with me, too." Going to lean back against the counter, he nodded in agreement. It was an easy enough discussion to have; he'd had it plenty of times before. "My safeword is shortstop. My hard limits are scat, needle play, age play, and degradation. Softer limits are watersports, public sex, and heavy pain play."
Quinn  
"Well, I can't have you distracted if there's a last minute customer, can I?" He took the hint, not wanting to overuse it anyway. "Is it really? Here I was thinking Edgewater's too small to have anything that's open at all hours." He wondered if that was a Brooke decision, or if it had been that way for a while and he just hadn't noticed. He was sure that they got some customers at 3 A.M., probably more around the weekend. Then Ben was complimenting him once again, and he was pulled out of his speculation. He smiled before listening as Ben went into the basic safeword, hard limits, soft limits spiel. "And what are your favorite things to do?" he asked, wanting to have the information instead of just guessing at it. "As for me, I use the stoplight system, and my hard limits are scat, vore, and age play."
Ben  
"I appreciate that," he replied sincerely; if there was a last minute customer, god forbid, Ben didn't want to be as distracted as he was at any moment that Quinn decided to call him good boy. "Yeah, we get the three am customers in from Rammer Jammer drunk off their asses, because nothing says drunk food like fries and pancakes." He took the overnight shifts more often than usual, mostly because it was easier for him to handle the drunk crowds than any of the women who worked at the diner. He'd pretty much learned the ways of the customers by now. He just did his best to make sure that everyone left Mac's happy. "Stoplight system works for me, too," he quickly clarified - it was good to have something like 'yellow', something that said they needed to pause as opposed to a hard stop like a safeword brought. "As for my favorite things..." This was harder to talk about for Ben; it was easier to have quick hookups where neither of them cared about boxes being checked, favorites being hit. Nevertheless, he spoke up. "Um, I like bondage, ropes are better than leather, but either are good -- and orgasm control, those are the big two. Power exchange is good for me, body worship, sensory play, um... marking. I'm sure there's more, but... not at the top of my head. There's more stuff that I do like than stuff that I don't, let's say that."
Quinn  
"Kinda forgot how popular the Rammer Jammer gets," he admitted. He hadn't been there since he'd been back, which was a testament to Everett not calling him for a ride home. Probably had other people to call since he'd gotten used to him not being around. "Gotta soak up the alcohol, though, right?" he asked with a playful roll of his eyes. He'd stumbled upon way too many people who genuinely believed the myth. Short stop and stop light, he noticed. Easy to remember. Then when he went into specific questions, Quinn thought about making a note on his phone, but he decided he'd do that once he was alone. It wasn't that serious, but he did like knowing what, specifically, Ben wanted. He was a little surprised that praise hadn't made the list because calling him a good boy had had such an effect on him. "Good," he said, leaving off the boy, as promised. He could work with all of that, and it had given him plenty to choose from, including two favorites. He thought about combining them, seeing how long Ben could last. He had fifteen minutes plus the drive home to decide how he wanted the scene to play out.
Ben  
"Yeah, I don't really stay that late ever when I'm there, but I know that there are people who love it, and who am I to judge them...?" He was too much of a lightweight to fully enjoy the bar scene. But Theo did work there, so he did have to stop by every so often to say hello, to enjoy the company, to soak up the social scene, and nurse a beer. "Oh, yeah, um - I didn't mention praise, or, like, hair pulling - did I say hair pulling? I like it when people play with my hair. And body worship. I can't remember what I said at all, the words came out of my mouth and my brain decided to forget them." He nodded a bit, tapping his fingers on the counter, trying to recall what he'd said shortly before. "Um - did I ask what you like? Cause I wanna know what you like, too. Like... I want to make you feel good, you know? As a Dom, what makes you feel good?" He was genuinely curious; he did like to please his Dom whenever possible. And now they had plenty of time for Ben to get antsy with anticipation.
Quinn  
"The latest I've ever stayed there was back when I wasn't old enough to buy my own drinks." It was beyond easy to get someone who was old enough to buy drinks to get one for you, but he didn't let himself think too much about that. That had been Callan's scene. Like Ben had read his mind, he mentioned praise and hair pulling, and Quinn added that to the mental list he had going. "Brains do that sometimes," he assured with a fond smile. "And if you'd like to know, I'll repeat what you said back to me," he said. It was worth note that he mentioned body worship twice. Maybe he'd tie him up and kiss him all over until he was begging. The thought sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. Ben changed gears, and Quinn nodded. "Thanks for asking. I do like a well-behaved sub. I don't mind putting a brat in their place, per se, but it's nice to just reward good behavior." He paused, considering. "Other than that, we have a lot of common interests. Edging, bondage... I might not tie your hands tonight so you're free to explore. Or I might make you wait for it, depending on your preference."
Ben  
"Oh, god, I remember those days..." Ben admitted sheepishly. When he'd graduated high school, his siblings had brought him there, buying him drinks until he was too drunk to know his own name. "I really only go because my best friend works there. Bars aren't really my scene." He was glad that Quinn could repeat back what Ben said, because Ben genuinely couldn't remember half the things that had left his lips. "Did I mention power exchange and bondage?" He figured he had, but his mouth was moving faster than his mind could keep up. "Can you tell I'm nervous? But, like, good nervous. Excited nervous." Taking a deep breath, Ben shot a look at the clock. Less than ten minutes to go. "I'd like to think I'm a well-behaved sub. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been punished in my life, so... that's good, right?" Almost bouncing on his toes, Ben nodded along as Quinn spoke. "I -- I want you to surprise me. Is that asking too much? I trust you. If I didn't trust you I wouldn't have agreed to submit to you so quickly. I trust you - all that to say that I want you... to do what you think's best for both of us. I trust your mind, Sir."
Quinn  
If you grew up in this town, it was all but predestined that you had some embarrassing story that happened at the Rammer Jammer. How many embarrassing stories; however, that all depends on a person's personality. "Yeah? Who's that?" He was just asking to make conversation. It was important to know things about any sub he was planning to do a scene with. Just run of the mill holding a conversation. "You did," he confirmed. "Ropes are better than leather, but either are good. You also mentioned orgasm control, sensory play, and marking." He neglected to mention the fact that he'd brought up body worship twice, although he found it endearing. "Excited nervous is good. We have the stoplight system if it ever gets into bad nervous," he said, which of course Ben already knew. Still, it seemed prudent to mention it again. He was well aware that Ben was giving him something with all of this. He wanted him to know that he wasn't taking it lightly. "That is good," he agreed. He listened intently as Ben said that he wanted him to surprise him, smiling again. "That's not too much. That's what it's all about, right? None of this works if the trust isn't there."
Ben  
"Oh, her name's Theo. Theodora Flanigan. She's my age. You might've seen her around the house once or twice when we were kids." He was more than happy to talk about Theo; it was easier to talk about her than it was to talk about himself, after all. When Quinn started listing back everything he said, Ben nodded along. "Okay - yeah - yeah, I like all of that stuff. All of that stuff is really good. You said edging? That's good. Okay. We're on the same page." Taking another deep breath to calm his racing heart, Ben gave Quinn a smile. "We still have the stoplight system. We're green right now, I'm green, I mean. This is good. I'm looking forward to it." Fiddling with his hands a little bit, he glanced at the clock again, eagerly waiting for his shift to end. "Yeah, that's what it's all about. And I do trust you. I do. I've known you practically all my life, I know you aren't going to do anything to, like, hurt me or anything. It'll be nice." When his replacement finally - finally - walked through the door, Ben gave him a smile and a pleasant greeting about the night. Taking off his apron, he nodded again to Quinn. "Okay... ready...?"
Quinn  
"The name sounds familiar," Quinn replied. It was Edgewater. What name didn't sound familiar? He noticed Ben relax a little bit when he asked about her, though, so he decided to continue talking about her. "What's she up to when she's not wrangling patrons at the Rammer Jammer?" he joked. It was good to hear back from his sub that they were on the same page. It had been a while since he'd so obviously overwhelmed a person, and as much as he was enjoying it, he really didn't want to take advantage. That smile of Ben's had to be enough to level the playing field, though. And when Ben started using the stoplight system before he even asked, the feeling of fondness hit him again. He glanced over at the clock when Ben did, also more than ready to head out. Quinn decided against pointing out the fact that he really hadn't been around a whole lot in the past thirteen years. People could change after all. He had in a lot of ways. But the main point of acknowledging that was knowing that he wasn't going to hurt him. He wouldn't. Fortunately, Ben's replacement came a little early. He wondered if that was a norm, people coming slightly early to their shifts to relieve the next person. In a place like Mac's, it definitely seemed plausible. "I am. Do you want to follow me to my place?" he asked, coat in one hand, bag slung over his shoulder. He didn't want Ben to be without a ride if he didn't end up wanting to stay the night.
Ben  
"Yeah, but it's Edgewater. Every name of somebody who grew up here sounds familiar," he pointed out, pushing a hand through his hair again, the product he'd used to smooth some of it back quickly losing its grip on his hair, causing some of his curls to fall into his face. He was practically bouncing with excitement as he went to clock out, grabbing his keys and his coat and leaving his apron behind. Fidgeting with the keys in his hand, he nodded at Quinn's suggestion. "Yeah, that sounds great." He was going to offer to take Quinn's bag for him, but given the fact that they were driving separately, Ben didn't want to accidentally forget Quinn's bag in his car and leave him without his work materials. He'd offer small acts of submission elsewhere, then. "My car's the black one, over there--" he pointed at one end of the parking lot, scratching at the back of his neck. "Just so you know I'm not some random creep that's following you. I'm me." He tried to joke, giving a little smile. "I'll be right behind you, here's to hoping I don't get lost on these streets I've known my entire life."
Quinn  
Quinn chuckled when Ben caught him in his non-committal comment. Truly, he didn't really remember any of the friends Ben had over when he hung out at the Elman place. Then they were headed outside into the crisp autumn air, and Quinn was glad that it was only a short walk to his vehicle, a white Equinox that was a few years old. "I'll make sure not to lose you. The traffic in this place is just awful," he said with a playful roll of his eyes. "See you when we get there," he said, settling into his car and turning on the heat. It was a pretty short drive, so it probably wouldn't even properly kick in until he got to his place. He made sure Ben was ready before he drove out of Mac's parking lot. He wasn't committed to staying in Edgewater long enough to buy a house, but he didn't mind his apartment. It wasn't as cluttered with boxes as it had once been, but it wasn't fit for company according to the standards he was raised on, either. He didn't feel self-conscious, though; he doubted Ben would judge. He mulled over what he wanted to do as he drove, careful not to get too distracted. He stepped out of his car when they got to the parking lot, gathering his things once again. This time it was his turn to ask if Ben was ready. "Still green?" he asked instead when he saw him.
Ben  
"Oh, yeah, I've never sat in worse traffic in my life," Ben joked in return, unlocking his old Camaro convertible - something he'd spent plenty of paychecks saving up for, and something he still treasured to this day. "See you then." Going to get in the car, he didn't bother with the heat, figuring it would take too long to warm up between Mac's and Quinn's apartment. Edgewater wasn't exactly big, and it wasn't as if it was as cold as it got in winter quite yet. Following close behind Quinn's Equinox, Ben tapped his fingers against the steering wheel as he drove, both nervous and excited at the same time. It would be nice to scene with Quinn, nice to scene in general, but he was especially glad that it was Quinn. Once they reached an apartment complex that wasn't too far from Ben's own apartment, he took the parking spot beside Quinn's, climbing out of his car and locking it behind him. "Yes, Sir, still green," he replied confidently. "Can I take your bag for you? So your hands aren't so full?"
Quinn  
"Good," Quinn replied with a small smile. "Nice car, by the way," he added, glancing over at it. He really didn't know much about cars in general, but a convertible definitely suited him. He could easily picture himself in the passenger's seat as they drove with the top down, showing Ben a new song he found. Of course, that would probably have to wait until summer, and that was something Quinn wasn't going to think about. "You can, thank you, Ben," Quinn replied to his next question. He hadn't yet put his bag over his shoulder yet, so it was easy enough to hand it over. He led the way inside his apartment complex, stopping in front of apartment 23. "That can just go on the table, thanks," he said, referring to what could technically be considered a dining room table, even though there were only four chairs, and there was no way in hell he'd be able to fit all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins at it. Lucky for him, he wasn't planning on hosting any family holidays anytime soon. Meanwhile, he busied himself getting both of them a glass of water.
Ben  
“Oh, thanks. My pride and joy,” he admitted, looking down at the car. He already missed being able to drive with the top down during the warm summer months. He just had to wait the rest of the year before he could do that again. “My pleasure, Sir,” he replied with a smile, taking the bag from him and draping it over his shoulder. Following him up to the apartment, he noticed that it was still not quite unpacked, but who was Ben to judge? He hadn’t moved in the past four years, but, if he were to move, he would definitely take his time unpacking, too. Nodding at the instructions, he went and sat the bag down on the table, looking around. “It’s nice here. Cozy,” he smiled over at Quinn, leaning against the table. He could definitely see himself feeling at home here, but he decided against mentioning that. “I like it.”
Quinn  
Quinn very nearly made a comment about how he hoped that would be the theme of the night, Ben’s pleasure, but he decided against it. He wanted to get Ben acclimated to his place a little bit before he got him flustered. “Yeah? The half unpacked boxes do it for ya?” he teased as he handed over a glass of water, taking a sip of his own. “Thanks for not minding it,” he said seriously. “My mom would be absolutely horrified that I’m allowing company in with my apartment looking like this, but I didn’t think you’d mind.” His tone was joking again, easygoing, wanting to make sure Ben was comfortable before he dragged him unceremoniously off to the bedroom. Normally, he’d have no qualms about it. They had their stoplights, after all. Stop lights and shortstop, and yes, the baseball reference was endearing too.
Ben  
“It’s not the boxes, it’s... I don’t know, the place. It’s... I don’t know. It’s like you. Just showed up in Edgewater, for the first time in over a decade, still settling in, but... it suits you, you know?” Reaching for his glass of water and thanking Quinn for it, Ben took a little sip, shrugging. “Well, good thing I won’t tell your mom,” he teased back playfully, drinking more of the water. He knew he’d have to be hydrated for the scene; he was grateful for Quinn for taking that into account. “I’m happy to be here, really.” The more they stood there, though, the more antsy Ben became. He was excited, but the longer he had to wait, the more curious he got. Quickly finishing the glass of water, Ben set the cup aside, giving Quinn a smile. “Thanks again for that.”
Quinn  
“I’ll take that as a compliment, then,” Quinn replied with a smile. He finished about half of his own glass before setting it down, deciding he’d come back for the rest. “Of course. You’re welcome to anything here,” he replied before reaching out to take Ben’s hand, showing him the way to the bedroom. He’d been wanting to touch him all night, and now the slightest thing had him all but vibrating. He already had an idea of what he wanted to do. “Take off your shoes, socks, and shirt, and kneel on the bed with your back facing me.” Quinn let go of his hand so he could follow his instructions, bending down to take off his converse and mismatched socks.
Ben  
“Oh, yeah, it is a compliment. I promise.” He did mean what he had said— he really did think that Quinn’s place felt nice. Ben could definitely feel comfortable there. As soon as Quinn took his hand, Ben felt his heart pick up with excitement. Taking a deep breath, he let himself focus on the feeling of Quinn’s hand in his; it was softer than he expected, but a good size for holding, relative to Ben’s own hand. Following him into the bedroom, he did his best to keep himself from bouncing with excitement. As soon as Quinn uttered the word kneel, Ben felt his excitement pick up even more. “Yes, Sir, thank you, Sir...” he murmured happily, taking another deep breath. Bending down, he undid the laces on his shoes, tugging them off and putting them neatly off to the side, placing his socks inside of them. Then, he stood, tugging off his shirt. After folding it, he dropped it to sit on top of his shoes. Then, he finally made his way to the bed, climbing onto it, and kneeling with his back to Quinn, his butt resting on his calves, palms face up on his thighs. Closing his eyes, he took another deep breath, letting the feeling of kneeling for the first time in a while consume him. It felt amazing. 
Quinn  
"Good boy," Quinn murmured, taking in the sight of him, letting him kneel untouched for a moment. He was even more gorgeous with these extra layers removed, and Quinn was still contemplating all of the possibilities. He had time; Ben seemed more than content to be kneeling for him. Next time, he'd have him waiting and kneeling. If there was a next time. Normally, he was ambivalent about whether or not there was a next time. Shaking off the thought, Quinn focused again on the task at hand. Kneeling on the bed put Ben at an ideal height for what Quinn was going to do next. Typically, he'd do a quick hook up, but sometimes he liked to take his time. He hoped Ben wanted to take his time. Quinn stepped forward, putting his hands on Ben's shoulders and starting to massage his bare skin. He applied light pressure at first, not wanting to accidentally hurt him. His hands drifted downward, applying consistent pressure, and even as he was tempted to dip his head and press a kiss to the back of his neck, he held off for the moment, instead interested in Ben's reaction to what he was doing so far.
Ben  
The praise drew a hum from his lips, Ben's eyes fluttering shut for a minute. He really couldn't overestimate the amount he liked to be called a good boy; he practically lived for the praise. He let the feeling of kneeling relax him, deciding against kneeling up - if Quinn wanted him to lift his ass off his legs, he was sure that Quinn would say so. His mind was silenced, no longer wondering about what Quinn wanted to do to him, with him, now just appreciating the feeling of being on his knees on the bed, the mattress far more comfortable than most other surfaces he'd knelt on in the past. "Oh, fuck..." he whispered as soon as he felt Quinn massaging his shoulders. He figured that he was allowed to speak - Quinn didn't gag him, didn't give him orders to hold his tongue, so why wouldn't he be allowed to comment? "Sir, your hands... where did you learn how to do that...?" Biting his lip gently, he could feel the stress running off of him in waves. "Mmm... thank you..." His muscles had been tenser than he realized, but, now, with Quinn working the tension out of them, he felt much looser, much more relaxed... the fact that subspace was already creeping in proved that to him.
Quinn  
Feeling Ben relax under his hands was yet another good sign. Even though he'd explicitly stated that he trusted him, the first time doing a scene with someone could be a nerve-wracking experience. Quinn wanted him to feel as relaxed as possible. Safe with him. He smiled when Ben first spoke, a quiet curse word that was further indication that he was doing something right. He didn't really have an answer for how he'd gotten so good at it. It was just instinctual, a habit he'd picked up in college after someone had helped him out of a terrible drop. "You're welcome, handsome." He kept at it for a few more minutes before pulling his hands back. "Now, I'd like you to stand up and take off the rest of your clothes. Then get back on the bed, this time on all fours. I'm going to let you touch yourself while I rim you. I want you to say my name only when you're getting close. Then you stop, and wait for instructions. You may not come until I say so. Understood?"
Ben  
Ben practically felt like putty in Quinn’s hands as the Dom continued to work at his muscles. He could certainly get used to this. He’d have to learn Quinn’s tricks for himself, too, already hoping to return the favor one day. His mind was nearly blank when he heard Quinn speak up again. He stayed silent as he gave the instructions, nodding along ever so slightly to show that he was listening. Every step of it seemed more exciting than the first. With a shiver running through him, Ben nodded. “I understand, Sir.” Rolling out of his kneeling position, he climbed off of the bed, making quick work of his slacks and his underwear. He wasn’t ashamed of his body; he never had been. He just wanted Quinn to like it, too. As he folded the clothes, he snuck a glance over at Quinn, trying not to moan at the knowledge that he was fully nude and Quinn was fully dressed. Climbing back onto the bed, he settled himself on all fours, making sure he was both comfortable and stable. He was genuinely looking forward to this- he’d never felt quite so excited about submitting before, and he wanted Quinn to have a good time Domming him. Taking a deep breath, he adjusted his hands just enough that he could comfortably wrap a hand around himself and stay balanced, his head hanging down as he gave himself a single stroke to test the water, a sharp inhale accompanying it. Eager wouldn’t even begin to cover how Ben was feeling in the moment.
Quinn  
Ben was nothing if not respectful, never forgetting a title. It made him consider asking Ben to call him something different, besides sir. Sir was fine, but it was a bit nondescript. Neutral. He likely called every Dominant he came upon sir when they were first introduced. Filing that thought away for later, he watched Ben undress the rest of the way. The phrase body worship came to mind, and a part of him just wanted to pay special attention to all of him. Memorize every detail. For now, though, he just let his gaze linger. "Did you know that you're absolutely gorgeous, Benjamin?" The question slipped past his lips so casually, like he was pointing out the weather, but with a simmering heat behind it. Once again, he let Ben get himself positioned, this time loosening his tie and taking it off. Next came his shirt, right after Ben reacted to his own touch. His pants stayed on for the moment, and he figured his shirtlessness would come as a surprise when he turned Ben over. The bed dipped a little as Quinn came to join him, running a slow hand over the perfect curve of his ass. His own hard on was visible through his pants, now, and this was going to be an exercise in self-control for him as well. He then parted his cheeks and teased Ben's entrance with his tongue, exploring.
Ben  
Taking a few deep breaths, Ben let his eyes slip shut, absorbing the moment without letting his eyes get distracted. He focused on the texture of the blankets beneath his hands and knees, the feeling of the air against his bare skin, the feeling of subspace at the edges of his mind slowly seeping in. When Quinn spoke up again, it took Ben a moment to respond, to breathe through the blush it raised to his cheeks and the shiver it sent through his skin. "Thank you, Sir..." he murmured back, shifting his hands and knees slightly. Taking another deep breath, he could hear Quinn's words echoing through his mind, the air in the room crackling like it was electric against his skin. It felt like Quinn was leaving him waiting like that on purpose, but who was Ben to say what Quinn was doing? He trusted him; he was letting Quinn Dom him, after all. Finally, after what felt like a millennia, he felt the bed dipping behind him. A shiver ran down his spine at the feeling of Quinn's hand running down his ass, Ben's mouth hanging open in desire. Forcing himself to raise a hand to his mouth, he spat in it for lubrication's sake, before wrapping it around his length, just as Quinn's tongue pressed against his hole. He moaned quietly, beginning to stroke himself at a leisurely rate, trying to match Quinn's pace. "Oh my god..." he whispered, mind nearly blank with desire. "Thank you..."
Quinn  
Figuring that he must be doing something right with Ben's thanks, he kept going, varying his tactics as he went. Quinn moved down to lick along his taint before moving back, his lips forming an o as he lightly blew along where his tongue had once been. He gave a light press of his tongue against his hole before pressing in as far as he could. After he pulled back again, he took his time spelling Ben's name with his tongue, all thirteen letters. He listened the whole time, making sure that it was well received. He wasn't sure how Ben felt about rimming alone, but combined with giving himself a hand job, Quinn was sure that he would be able to get himself close, just like he was hoping for. The discomfort of his hard on straining through his pants was hardly noticeable as he distracted himself with Ben's glorious reactions to his ministrations.
Ben  
The feelings were indescribable, every sensation amplified. Every time he felt Quinn's breath against his skin, he felt shivers going through him. What Quinn could do with his mouth was unbeatable. And the feeling of his tongue pressing into him was amazing. He tried to keep his strokes paced evenly, despite how ragged his breaths were, a moan breaking his lips every so often. He could feel himself getting closer and closer, pressing himself to last longer despite his hand picking up speed. He'd lost track of time long before he could feel himself getting close to climax, forcing his hand back to the bed as his mouth finally managed to speak Quinn's name, teeth biting down at his lips, hands curling in the blankets. "Oh my god -- Quinn--" his breathing was ragged at best, his whole body feeling like it was being shocked in the best way possible. He could feel an ache in him, an ache that would surely be worth it when Quinn allowed him to cum in the end - if Quinn allowed him to cum in the end. Even if he didn't, it would be worth it. This felt amazing.
Quinn  
Ben's moans continued to affect him, even as he was listening for the sound of his own name on his lips. He couldn't wait to hear how it sounded, desperate and close. As he continued to use his breath and tongue, he pulled back immediately when Ben managed to say his name. Not a moment before, even though the oh my god would have made him smirk in satisfaction. He gave Ben a moment to collect himself, listening to his ragged breaths. "On your back, sweetheart." He cringed immediately after the term of endearment rolled off his lips, and he was just glad that Ben hadn't seen it. Where had that come from? He didn't just... Call people he did a scene with pet names. Sure, he'd called him a good boy, but that was different. Quickly correcting himself before he got lost in his thoughts, he scooted up so he was laying alongside Ben, on his side so he could get a good look at him. "Color?" Quinn prompted, his pointer finger tracing lightly over Ben's abs, very tempted to glance down at his dick, but for now just curiously watching his face.
Ben  
The pet name was endearing - if Ben had been any more grounded in reality, he would have loved to say something about it. But, instead, all he could do was lower himself to the bed and roll over onto his back, pushing some of his hair out of his face. Finally managing to catch his breath, he laid his eyes on Quinn for the first time, and he looked amazing shirtless. It made Ben want to reach out and touch, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to. "Green, Sir," he replied as soon as he was prompted to give his color, his hand moving to run over Quinn's shoulder and collarbones, forgetting about the fact that he hadn't asked permission to touch. He figured that Quinn would have told him if he wasn't allowed. Words weren't coming as easily to him - it was likely due to subspace creeping into his mind - but he knew better than to leave a prompt for a color hanging, especially when he felt as good as he did. Nodding a tiny bit, he let his eyes slip shut for a minute, appreciating the feeling of Quinn's finger running over his abs.
Quinn  
Edging could get intense, and even though Ben had listed it as one of his top two favorites, Quinn was going to keep checking in for as many times as he was close and not allowed to come. Being brought to the edge once could be frustrating enough, and Quinn was planning to do it at least one more time before he let Ben have his release. He was thinking that the third time would be the charm, and he'd make it a surprise for Ben, continuing with the theme of saying his name and telling him he could come right after he did. For the moment, though, he was content to let Ben come down a little bit before he started in again. It took him by surprise when Ben touched him without asking for permission once he answered his question. He hadn't told him he couldn't, though, and really, Quinn had wanted him to. He glanced down at Ben's cock, red and leaking pre-cum, and then back up to his face, surprisingly relaxed for just having been denied an orgasm. He let a few more minutes pass before he started moving to position himself between Ben's legs. "This time I'm going to blow you. You can put your hands wherever you'd like them. Same deal, say my name when you're getting close."
Ben  
Ben did appreciate the check-ins; if he was any more coherent, he would have said so. Instead, he could just lay there, absorbing the feeling of the moment, of being in Quinn's bed, beside him, just an edge shy of an orgasm. His balls did ache, but it was a good sort of ache, like the ache after a workout. Propping his head up slightly against the pillows, he let himself breathe for an indeterminate amount of time, knowing that Quinn was keeping an eye on him. He felt so good, it was almost like he had left his body on the bed and was floating above it, the air electric around him, his body feeling so good he could almost cry. He felt the bed moving, so he opened his eyes again, looking to see Quinn positioned between his legs. If he could manage to speak very much, he would explain that Quinn was a far more generous Dom than many he'd been with in the past, and that Ben was appreciating every second of their time, but all he could do was nod, one hand curling up in Quinn's hair lazily. "Yes, Sir," he managed to roll the words off his tongue, giving him a smile to show that he was enjoying himself despite his lack of vocabulary at the moment.
Quinn  
He'd been hoping that Ben would put his hand in his hair, but he wasn't going to order him to do it. He was enjoying himself regardless. Ben was a wonderful submissive, and the fact that he'd had such an easy time coming up with this scene on the fly just spoke to their compatibility. He ignored that for the moment, taking it slow as he pressed soft kisses to his inner thighs, first. One hand reached up to tease his thumb over his nipple, glancing up to watch Ben's face for just a moment. After a bit more teasing, he withdrew his hand to spit in it, giving Ben's dick a few lazy strokes as he tongued over the tip. He started with a slow rhythm at first, more teasing with his tongue than moving back and forth. The movement of his tongue was constant and intentional, one hand stroking where his mouth couldn't reach and the other holding Ben's hip.
Ben  
Playing with Quinn's hair gently, Ben was enjoying the feeling of it between his fingers. It felt silky, perhaps even more so because of the way his senses felt heightened. A sharp inhale escaped his lips at the feeling of Quinn's thumb teasing over his nipple - he hadn't realized how sensitive they'd be until Quinn did that. As soon as Quinn's mouth was on him, Ben had to do his best not to squirm. It had been a long time since someone had blown him, and he was loving every second of it. His hand curled up a little tighter in Quinn's hair, teeth biting into his lower lip. "Oh my god--" he whispered, arching his hips up slightly. Ben had to do his best to refrain from saying Quinn's name, knowing he wasn't close enough to the edge for that quite yet. "Sir--" 
Quinn  
Even if Ben hadn't been making the most delicious noises in response to his mouth, the hand in his hair was an indication that he was enjoying himself. Quinn loved the feeling as his grip tightened, and huh, maybe hair pulling was on his list of things that he enjoyed. He usually told subs they couldn't touch when he was giving a blowjob, but Ben had been so good for him that he'd allowed it. He certainly didn't regret it even as his cock twitched in his pants again at the sensation. He kept his wits about him as he hollowed out his cheeks, careful not to suck too hard as he did so. Moaning around his cock to show just how into it he was, his hand moved from his hip to lightly brush over his balls. Quinn glanced up at Ben as he took a teasing pace before he ramped up the intensity, moving up and down, swirling his tongue around, and god was he tempted to get his lube from the drawer of his bedside table and add a finger, but they hadn't discussed that, so he refrained for this time.
Ben  
It was almost as if every single thing that Quinn did, he did it because he could read Ben's mind. Each movement brought him closer and closer to the edge in the best way possible. His breath was ragged as he felt Quinn brush a hand over his balls, his eyes opening at the teasing pace. He gave a little whine, mouth hanging open with desire. That teasing didn't last for long, though - soon after, Quinn picked up the intensity of everything, and Ben threw his head back with pleasure. He could feel himself getting close to the edge again, his hand tightening in Quinn's hair. "Oh - fuck-- Quinn-" he blurted out quickly, trying not to push past the point of no return; better to stop now than to cum without permission. His hand remained curled in Quinn's hair, his head back against the pillow, mouth hanging open as he gasped for air, not realizing he'd been holding his breath between moans.
Quinn  
Quinn kept up his pace, idly wondering how quickly he could bring Ben to the edge, so he was saying his name that way again. Just when his jaw started to ache, Ben said his name, and he dutifully pulled off with a slight pop. He pressed one small kiss to Ben's thigh before pulling completely back. This time, instead of laying next to him, Quinn got off the bed entirely. He took off his pants and boxers so he could put them in his hamper. His half hard dick was obvious, but he wasn't paying attention to see if Ben looked. Instead, he reached into the drawer beside his bed to grab the lube and a condom. The bed dipped again as he laid down next to Ben on his side once again. "Very good boy, Benjamin," he murmured, brushing a hand through his hair and taking in his facial expression. He'd been doing so well that Quinn had to contemplate whether or not he still wanted to surprise him and let him come or just tell him point blank that he could come whenever he wanted for this third time around.
Ben  
A whine escaped his throat when Quinn pulled off of him and then climbed off of the bed; he wanted the lazy touches that had come after the edging prior to come this time around, too. But he wasn't in charge of the situation, thankfully - and it seemed like Quinn had other plans. When Quinn undressed, Ben couldn't help but let his eyes rake over his body. Of course, his body was just as beautiful as his face, and Ben felt his mouth watering with desire. Finally, Ben was given what he wanted prior when Quinn laid down beside him again. It felt like his whole body was going to melt into the bed at the praise, leaning into the hand in his hair, his eyes fluttering shut. "Thank you, Sir..." he managed to reply, the warmth of subspace drifting underneath his skin. He could lay like this for hours, he decided. It felt amazing.
Quinn  
It was lucky that Ben seemed to enjoy all of the sexual positions he'd suggested so far. Not every guy could come from a blow job, nor did every guy enjoy being rimmed. Ben, though, had been so good throughout. He continued playing with Ben's hair as he let him come down for the second time. He really was beautiful. So well controlled, trusting, looking absolutely content even though he'd just denied him a second orgasm. No complaints, just pliant, laying next to him. He wasn't sure how long exactly he'd just laid there playing with his hair before he used his free hand to give himself a few good strokes. Between that and remembering how fucking hot Ben sounded moaning his name, it didn't take long at all for him to get hard. Then he pulled back his other hand, needing both to open the condom. Rolling it onto his dick, it occurred to him that he could make it four rounds, see how close he could get Ben from fingering him and stroking his dick. Maybe they'd work up to it. He didn't want to push too many limits their first time around. "Same rules. This time I'm going to fuck you. Color?"
Ben  
It had been a long time since Ben had experienced anything like this. Most of his experience submitting was nonsexual, just submitting to fend away headaches and keep himself in his peak of health. When he was in high school, he had a few repeated scenes with people in his class and the class above him that were sexual, and the same thing applied to college, but since his college graduation, sexual submission had been rare. It was a disappointment to Ben, of course, who would have preferred to be submitting in every aspect of his life, but he didn't know what he was missing out on until tonight. Maybe it was best that he'd waited this long to submit sexually, because everything Quinn did seemed to hit. There were no strikeouts, no foul balls; it was home run after home run. Leaning into the hand in his hair, he finally opened his eyes when that hand was pulled away. He understood why the hand was taken from him, though. Condoms were important and Ben was glad that Quinn had one at the ready. He was able to answer with less of a pause this time; "I'm green, Sir, thank you for asking."
Quinn  
Quinn smiled at Ben's sweet response, before taking the lube and applying some to his hole and some on his finger. He had no idea how regularly Ben was doing this sort of thing, so he planned to err on the side of caution and take his time fingering him before he tried to actually fuck him. He slowly pushed in with his pointer finger first, carefully watching his face. He didn't touch his dick, and he wouldn't until he was actively fucking him, wanting to make sure that Ben was as open and relaxed as possible. Once his finger was all the way in, he gently moved around until he found his prostate, and crooked his finger against it, a reward for taking his finger so well. While he did this, he watched Ben's face, remembering full well the dual sensation of pleasure and pain bottoming brought on even though he hadn't done it in years. Once he seemed adjusted to one finger, he pulled out, added lube to two fingers, and ever so slowly pushed in again, ready to slowly retreat if he was asked to stop.
Ben  
The lube was cool, but not cold. Enough to ground him to reality for just a second longer. As Quinn pushed in, Ben inhaled sharply, his hand going to curl up in the blankets, unsure if he was still allowed to touch him. It took Ben another moment to relax, knowing that the experience wouldn't be good for either of them if he was so tense. Once he had relaxed, he felt Quinn's finger pushing in more, his eyes fluttering shut again. Then, though, he felt Quinn's finger prodding around inside of him until it hit just the right spot, his eyes snapping open again. His mouth hung open in a silent moan, his hips arching upwards. "Oh my god--" he whispered again, the only words his brain could manage to form, along with a moaned-out "Sir..." Resisting the urge to wrap a hand around himself, Ben managed to relax even more afterwards, another moan being dragged from him as Quinn pushed in two fingers. "Yes..." Maybe he had needed this more than he would've admitted. "Thank you..."
Quinn  
All of Ben's reactions were going straight to his cock, but he had absolutely no intention of rushing the process for his own gratification. He gave Ben more time to adjust to his two fingers, brushing against his prostate once again. After a few teasing come here motions from his middle finger, he pulled out again. To Quinn, there was no such thing as too much lube, so he applied just a bit more to Ben's hole and a generous amount to his dick. Then he helped move Ben's legs so they were hooked around his shoulders, positioning himself accordingly. Now for the moment of truth. Slowly, he pushed inside, knowing that the most difficult part would be getting the head in. Luckily, Ben had been relaxed, so it was easy enough to slide in, the head of his cock sliding relatively seamlessly past the tight ring of muscle. He couldn't help himself as a moan snuck past his lips as he slowly but surely sank all the way in. He waited to move, wanting to give Ben all the time he needed to adjust to the difference.
Ben  
Ben was grateful for the time that Quinn was giving him to adjust; he hadn't done anything like this in a long time, and heaven knew he needed that adjustment period. Thanks to that adjustment, he could enjoy the pleasure-pain feeling, as opposed to just feeling the pain. Every time Quinn's finger brushed against his prostate, a moan escaped his lips, his hands curling up tight in the blankets and his cock leaking precum. It felt like Quinn was taking him apart, watching him melt into the blankets, and Ben loved every second of it. It took him a moment to realize that Quinn had pulled his fingers out of him and was maneuvering his legs to be over his shoulders. Shifting slightly to get himself into a more comfortable position, he took a few deep breaths to relax himself once again, eyes on Quinn's face, as if he could read his mind by looking him in the eyes. "Oh, fuck..." he groaned at the feeling of Quinn pushing inside of him. He could hear Quinn's moan, which drew another moan from him. "Thank you--" he whispered, mouth hanging open slightly, hips pressed up towards Quinn a little more. Nodding, he pushed some of his hair out of his eyes again, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Thank you Sir--"
Quinn  
It took all of his restraint to take things slow. Ben felt so good, tight around his dick, moaning and thanking him, and he hadn’t even realized he’d closed his eyes until he opened them to see Ben’s slight smile. “So good for me, Ben,” he said, a hand reaching forward to cup his cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. He let it linger for just a moment before pulling back and starting to move. He took a painfully slow pace at first, pulling back and pushing in again, the head of his cock brushing against that bundle of nerves, watching Ben’s face every time as his own breathing grew a little ragged. He was so ready to come, but he was drawing out this last part as long as he could.
Ben  
Leaning into the hand on his cheek, Ben moaned a little bit at the praise. This all felt like a dream, a wonderful dream, a dream that, if he could choose, he would never wake up from. When Quinn started moving, it was at an achingly slow pace, as if Quinn was trying to tease him. Every time Quinn's cock brushed against his prostate, though, he felt like fireworks were going off inside of him, his cock leaking against his stomach. "Please, Sir--" he whispered, knowing he could hold on a little longer - at least long enough to make Quinn proud of him. "Oh-fuck--" he had to do his best to keep his hands to himself, curling up tight in the blankets. A little moan escaped his throat every time Quinn thrusted, sweat matting some of his hair to his forehead. He didn't want it to end.}
Quinn  
This was without a doubt the best scene he'd had in a long time, but as much as he wanted it to last, Ben had been very good for him. He was going to let him come this time, just as soon as he said his name. He picked up his pace slowly, from teasing to more intense to all but relentless. He wondered if Ben would be able to come untouched if he kept it up. Either way it would be hot. He wanted to know what he looked like when he finally got to let go, even though he knew the clench of Ben's tight ass around his cock would be his own undoing. He was already holding himself back, having worked himself up in addition to Ben, although not quite as much. Fortunately, he still had his wits about him. He just had to remember to tell Ben it was okay when he ultimately said his name again.
Ben  
It felt like each of Quinn's movements pushed the breath from his lungs with a moan. The longer the scene could go on, the more Ben wanted it to, which was why he was holding back as long as possible. Each time Quinn hit the bundle of nerves inside of him, though, more precum leaked out, and Ben was smart enough to know that he couldn't last much longer, especially as Quinn picked up the pace. Hooking his ankle against Quinn's back, trying to pull him in closer, Ben nodded quickly, opening his mouth. "Quinn- Quinn, I'm- I'm close--" he pleaded, his eyes staring up at the Dom above him, pushing his hips up a little more. "Please--" He didn't know how many more times Quinn planned on edging him, but he wasn't sure he could take much more; holding back was difficult enough already.
Quinn  
As soon as Ben said his name, he stilled, leaning in a little closer. "You can come now," he told him, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips before pulling back and getting back into his rhythm. Eyes open, he watched Ben's face, wondering how long it would take after all of the back and forth he'd experienced tonight. He was still marveling over how well he'd done, how frequently he'd expressed his thanks, how perfect he looked spread out underneath him like this. Vulnerable and open, utterly gorgeous. He picked up the pace a bit more, hand not drifting between Ben's legs just yet. If he seemed to want it, Quinn would be more than happy to provide, but for the moment, he wanted to see if that gorgeous cock of his would come untouched.
Ben  
The permission felt like relief, like a cold shower after a hard day of baseball practice. And then Quinn kissed him - if one could even consider something as chaste as that a kiss, because Ben desperately wanted more. When Quinn picked up his pace again, Ben's eyes fluttered shut. Little moans escaped him, Ben not making any attempt to quiet himself. It took his body another minute to warm back up to Quinn's movements, but it was as if Quinn knew him, inside and out. Every thrust hit him in just the right place, driving him closer and closer to the edge, his orgasm building much quicker. It wasn't long before he climaxed, moaning Quinn's name. His cum splattered against his chest, relief washing over him, the orgasm drawn out thanks to the edgings prior. "Fuck, Sir... thank you..." he moaned, eyes shut as he rocked his hips through it.
Quinn  
After all the build up, finally watching him come was fucking incredible. His face was absolutely gorgeous, and Quinn let himself go too, eyes falling closed. Ben’s tight walls clenching around him was just what he needed to come shortly after him, Ben’s name on his lips. He rode out his orgasm, a few more thrusts until he was spent. Then, carefully he pulled out, tying off the condom and tossing it in the trash. He’d help Ben clean up in a moment, but for now, he just wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed a gentle kiss to his neck. He hadn’t gotten around to marking him up this time around, and it was a little disappointing. He wanted Ben to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror and think of him.
Ben  
He could feel Quinn's hips stutter inside of him, even through his post-orgasmic haze. A little smile came up onto his cheeks, knowing that he was good enough for Quinn to come while he was fucking him. A little whine surprised even himself when Quinn pulled out of him -- he didn't want the scene to be over, no matter how exhausted he was. Cuddling close to him as soon as Quinn's arm was around him, he took a few deep breaths, trying to ground himself. "Hi..." he whispered, pressing his nose to Quinn's hair. "That... was amazing..." He was still out of breath, even if he wouldn't admit it, his pulse still racing. Pushing some of his hair out of his face again, he gave Quinn a smile, putting a hand on his stomach. "Thank you..."
Quinn  
"Hi," Quinn replied with an endeared grin, glancing over at Ben. "I'll bring a warm wash cloth in a second," he promised, glancing at Ben's chest. He looked just as good in their post orgasm haze as he had when he was edging him. He was just nice to look at. "It was amazing," he agreed. It had been a while since he'd had such a good scene. Someone he'd really connected with. It had been years, but he wasn't going to think about that. He was just going to enjoy it. "It was quite literally my pleasure, Ben," he responded with a teasing grin when he thanked him. He usually cuddled out of obligation when it seemed like a sub needed it post-scene, but this was actually sort of nice.
Ben  
"Thank you," he replied to the promise of a warm wash cloth, not wanting his come to dry to his chest. When Quinn agreed that the scene was amazing, Ben practically lit up. It had been so long since he'd had a scene that good, since he'd felt subspace like that - and to know that Quinn agreed that it was a good scene, well, it made him feel incredible inside. Tucking himself a little closer to Quinn, Ben ran his fingers over Quinn's bicep, grounding himself to the feeling of having him next to him. "We'll... do a post-scene eval in, like... five minutes, just let me... lay like this for a minute..." he murmured, tucking his head a little closer to Quinn. Not every scene needed an evaluation, Ben had found, but he did want to know what was good for Quinn, for the future. That was implying that they'd have future scenes together, of course, but Ben really did hope that they would have them.
Quinn  
Quinn let Ben explore his body at his leisure, eyebrows quirking up at the mention of a post-scene eval. It sounded so formal to him, and he definitely wasn't in the habit of doing them. Was that something he was supposed to lead? Ben brought it up. He'd had his fair share of once and dones, but he doubted that Ben was going to be a once and done. It had just been too good. And even though he'd eventually have to break it off before either of them got too close, he was going to enjoy what they had now. Beginning with the end in mind, something one of his friends from his college years had told him, who was majoring in social work. There is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends. A lyric from the music he listened to when he needed to get out of his head. Pulling back to stand up, he brushed a hand through Ben's hair. "Be right back," he promised, going to the kitchen first to get a small bottle of juice. Then he came back to the room, heading to the bathroom off of his room to get the warm washcloth. He brought both back, offering Ben the juice and then kneeling on the bed to clean him up.
Ben  
It wasn't common for Ben to feel like this after a scene. He felt incredibly comfortable, safe, warm - he didn't know how much time had passed since he'd left work, and, quite frankly, he didn't care. He could've laid there with Quinn for all of eternity and he would be happy. Leaning into the feeling of Quinn brushing his hand through his hair, Ben hummed an acknowledgement, scooting up on the bed slightly to rest his head against the pillows. The haze of subspace still surrounded him; he could fall asleep right there and then because of the warmth of it all. But he was coming down, and he wanted to talk with Quinn about all of this before anything left his head. Accepting the bottle of juice with another smile, Ben propped himself up so he could drink it without choking. Taking his time with it, he thanked Quinn for cleaning him up, leaning back against the pillows when he was finished with the bottle. Screwing the top back on, he fiddled with it in his hands, despite how tired his muscles were. "So..." he started, a hand moving to brush over Quinn's skin again. "How was that for you...? Anything you would change? Keep the same?"
Quinn  
Once his bases were covered, Quinn settled back into bed next to Ben. Normally at this point if things seemed okay, he would have left. Or the sub would have left his place, as the case may be. But Ben wanted to talk about it, and he could give him that. "You were good," he replied to Ben's question, letting him explore some more. He wanted to start out with a compliment before he considered things that he would change. "Honestly, the things that I'd change were on my part. I didn't mark you up," he said, a hand moving over to his collarbone, thumb brushing over it. "And I could've added one more round to the edging where I just fingered you. You were very responsive to that as well. But by the look of you, three rounds was plenty," he ended his brief ramble, looking over at Ben, anticipating what he would say. He was fine with constructive criticism; he just had no idea what Ben would say. He'd seemed to enjoy all of it.
Ben  
Figuring that Quinn would tell him to go home if he didn't want him there, Ben assumed that this conversation could be had now, as opposed to later. "You don't need to flatter me, but thank you," he replied to the praise, fingertips just barely brushing over Quinn's bicep. "I probably could've taken one more round of edging, if it wasn't such a hard edge, and there's nothing to say that you can't mark me up right now," he pointed out, propping one arm behind his head to rest on it. "It was good for me, genuinely. I felt subspace like I have't felt in a long time, it felt nice to be able to submit. I especially liked the part where I was fully naked and you were still dressed. The only thing I would change is about myself, too. I would've probably asked you more questions," he explained, trying not to scare Quinn off. "Like... your preferred honorific during scenes. Not everybody prefers Sir or Miss, I should've asked that. And I can kneel on something harder than the bed, for the record - one guy who Dommed me in high school had me kneeling on hay, so I think I can handle the carpet or the hardwood," he admitted with a chuckle. "I had a really good time, though, Quinn. Seriously, thank you."
Quinn  
"I wouldn't flatter you," Quinn replied simply with a small shrug of his shoulder. Truly, he wouldn't have given such high praise if it hadn't been earned. Quinn thought about saying that maybe they would work on more rounds of edging the next time, but that was assuming there would be a next time, and he wasn't going to get into those details just yet. "Do you want me to? Hickeys always seem like foreplay to me," he admitted. The last time he'd given a hickey and it hadn't led to sex had been... Well, high school. His choice to have Ben strip for him had been more for convenience so he wouldn't have to take his clothes off while in the bed, but he was glad it had worked for him, and the little detail was noted. "Sir is fine," Quinn added. "I mean, if you had something else in mind, we can talk about it, but I don't mind sir." He chuckled at the kneeling comment. "I had you kneel on the bed because I wanted you to be at a convenient height for that back rub," he explained. "I don't doubt your kneeling abilities," he added. He was proud of himself for showing Ben such a good time, though. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I did, too."
Ben  
"I don't think hickeys have to be classified into one area of a scene or sex. I just like them. I mean, if you don't want to right now, it's definitely not a requirement." Ben didn't want to pressure Quinn into doing anything he didn't want to do, even if it was something as simple as giving him a hickey. Pushing his hair out of his face again - was it really getting long enough to need a hair tie? He didn't think so - he looked over at Quinn, raising an eyebrow, laughing gently. "Sure, Sir is fine, sure, you don't mind it, but is there something you prefer? Something you like? Something you would enjoy to hear me moan?" he asked, tilting his head. "If you like Sir, then I'll stick with Sir. I just want to be sure I'm making this as good for you as it was for me." His eyes lit up at the mention of the back rub, though - "speaking of the back rub, that was excellent. Your hands are like magic. My body felt like putty. I'd seriously pay you to just give me the massage." Rolling onto his side to face Quinn more, he hummed. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, too. Really glad." 
Quinn  
"If you want one, you're getting one," Quinn said with a smirk. Truly, Ben had been so good for him, and Quinn was absolutely in the business of rewarding good behavior. Not that the reward would be a hardship for him either. Quinn mulled over Ben's questions, not exactly sure where he stood on that side of things. "Let me get back to you on that one," he decided for the moment. None of the people he'd done a scene with had asked him what he wanted to be called. They just deferred to sir, and he accepted it because he was used to it. "You don't have to worry about that, Benjamin. It was definitely just as good for me," he said, grinning at his response to the back rub. "Maybe I missed a secret calling as a masseuse," he joked. "It's a seriously good trick to have up my sleeve for when I get to take my time in a scene," he admitted, rolling as well so he could see Ben better. "We're really going to have to thank Brooke for those fried oreos now," he quipped.
Ben  
"If that's the case, then hell yeah, I want one." Ben wasn't going to lie about it; he wanted something that he could look at in the mirror the next day, something that would be a reminder of their scene for however long it lasted. Unlike the hickey, though, Ben knew that the memories would never fade. "Yeah, no worries. Take your time. If you think of something in an hour, let me know. Or tomorrow, or in a week, or a month-- you get it. Take your time, I'm happy to use Sir." When Quinn called him Benjamin again, Ben pushed him playfully. "Hey, now - you can't do that when I'm in the afterglow-- it'll just make me horny again, and I don't think either of us has the energy to deal with that right now," he joked, a smile on his face. "Well, I could do a 24 hour scene with you and I wouldn't grow tired of it, seriously. I'm a service sub, I'm happy to scene for as long as you'd like to, and -- I'm definitely off-topic, but the massage was great, so thanks for taking your time with me." His eyes went to Quinn's as soon as Quinn rolled to face him, Ben's tongue darting out to lick his lips. "We'll have to thank Brooke for not firing me when she bought the diner; if I was working anywhere else, who knows if we'd have gotten this chance reunion..." he murmured, eyes going down to rest on Quinn's lips. "Can I kiss you...?" the words came out before Ben realized that they had, but he wasn't going to take them back. He did want to feel Quinn's lips against his, especially now that they were laying like this.
Quinn  
Quinn couldn't help but smile at Ben's enthusiasm. It was a small thing, really, but he'd do it for him. He thought about the title question some more as Ben told him to tell him if he thought of anything. His students called him professor, and he sure as hell wasn't going to be doing scenes with any of them. He had his Ph.D., but Doctor seemed a bit too extra. Although he was fond of Doctor Who. He was usually decisive about these sorts of things, but it was a pretty good point Ben made, about this being what he would be moaning in bed. God, if he wasn't hot when he was moaning his name. He chuckled when Ben pushed at him. "You mean I can't do that just to tease you? I think you should let me do that just to tease you. Although sometimes I don't even think about it consciously, so you might have to be careful," he teased. The usage of his full name couldn't make him that horny. "A 24 hour scene, huh?" He hadn't done a scene that long in his life; he'd have to do some research. "People do tend to like my hands," he said with a chuckle, his finger tracing an absentminded pattern on Ben's hip. "Brooke wouldn't fire you, you're too good at the job. And before you say I'm flattering you, just take the damn compliment," he joked. However, he caught Ben's gaze shifting to his lips. "Go ahead," he replied, not allowing himself to focus on the fact that this was different, definitely different, outside of the scene kissing in his bed.
Ben  
Pushing a hand through Quinn's hair, Ben couldn't help the smile that remained on his face. There was just something about Quinn, something about their scene, something about the way they were interacting both before and after the scene. It made Ben feel better about himself than he'd felt in a long time, though he wouldn't have admitted that to anyone. "I mean, you can technically do whatever you want, because I'm not gonna safeword out of getting teased. But you know how teasing affects me. I mean, it's not, like, the worst teasing you could do - not even close, because, like, my mom still calls me Benjamin if I'm lying to her, but still. You know." He grinned, his hand moving down Quinn's side, just wanting to feel his skin beneath his fingers. "As for the 24 hour scene thing, it's not, like, 24 hours that are as intense as what we just did. It's more... simple, you know? Kneeling while you're working on things, me getting you snacks, stuff like that, I think - I mean, I've never, technically, done one, but I think I'd be happy to try it out, you know?" He tried his best not to ramble at Quinn, looking down at his shoulder so he didn't have to make eye contact. "Okay, okay, thank you, Quinn - I'm good at my job." He rolled his eyes playfully as he surrendered to the compliment. When he heard Quinn telling him that he could kiss him, Ben took a deep breath to muster up his courage, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to Quinn's lips, his hand cupping his cheek. It sent butterflies through him again, lips curling up into a smile through the kiss, despite how chaste he was keeping it.
Quinn  
Eyes falling closed when Ben ran a hand through his hair, it was so easy to just relax into the touch. He all but hummed in contentment. He really loved it when someone played with his hair. Hadn't happened in a while. He opened them again to look at Ben when he started talking, laughing a little when he said that his mom still called him Benjamin. "Two very different effects of getting the full name dropped, huh?" he replied. He nodded thoughtfully when Ben elaborated on his 24 hour scene suggestion. "I'm open to it. I'll never say no to you getting me snacks," he joked. "Unless it's between you getting me a snack and you being the snack I get," he joked. He kept up with the meme culture as best as he could, considering the general age of his students. He didn't want to be completely out of touch as a professor. He chuckled a little as Ben reluctantly agreed to his compliment. This time, Quinn waited for Ben to come to him. The deep breath was adorable, like he was steeling himself through the nerves. Logically, there shouldn't be nerves. They'd just fucked, after all. But this was different, he guessed. Outside of scene, Ben laying in his bed, Quinn idly wondering if he was going to stay the night. However, it was easy to stop wondering and just enjoy the moment when Ben kissed him. It was soft and sweet, gentle and easy, almost achingly so. It wasn't foreplay and it wasn't sexual, it was romantic. Ah, fuck. After a moment, he pulled back, not daring to say anything, instead wriggling downward and pressing kisses along his neck, trying to decide where he was going to leave the hickey they'd talked about earlier.
Ben  
"Yeah, there's, like, Benjamin, and then there's Benjamin. Two very different Benjamins," he laughed, laying his head back against the pillow again. He wasn't about to assume that he could stay the night, but if Quinn let him, Ben would gladly take the opportunity. Quinn's bed was comfortable, it felt safe, and Ben didn't particularly want to get up, get dressed, and drive home anytime soon. He rolled his eyes playfully as Quinn called him a snack, gently shoving at his shoulder. "Well, that'll be up to you, Sir, to dictate the scene," he teased. "I just get to come along for the ride." Running his fingers through Quinn's hair again, Ben hummed, the hand moving down to Quinn's neck, thumb running over his jawline as he kissed him. He kept it gentle, not wanting to escalate it past there, just wanting to be able to remember the feeling of Quinn's lips against his. He let Quinn pull back, his hand moving back up into his hair, his eyes opening. Humming at the feeling of Quinn kissing down his neck, he tilted his head to the side slightly so Quinn could have more access to his skin. Part of him hoped that Quinn was picturing how Ben would look with a collar on, but he knew that that was far too drastic for a first scene. It wasn't something that happened in real life, just something that the movies talked about. Pushing one hand under the pillow he was using, he took another deep breath. "Thank you..." he whispered again. "This is... really nice."
Quinn  
"Perks of being the Dom," he had to agree. "Speaking of riding," Quinn said, not letting himself lose the point of what he was saying even though the hand in his hair was certainly distracting. "Next time," he finished, a little bit lamely. "Bet you look just as good above me as underneath me," he complimented, once Ben moved his hand. When Ben moved to give him better access, he thought it over, deciding whether the mark should be visible on his neck or further down. Well, if he didn't want one on his neck, Ben would stop him. He couldn't help but smile against his skin when Ben thanked him for the umpteenth time that night. He was so responsive and appreciative, and honestly, Quinn liked the validation. It was always good to know that he was doing something right. Maybe just a little bit too right. Pushing that thought aside, he sucked a mark onto his neck, pulling back and kissing the spot when he'd finished. Then he moved down and sucked another one into his collarbone. Finally, he moved back up to meet his lips again, running a hand through Ben's hair as he did so.
Ben  
"Perks of being the Dom, of course." He laughed, shaking his head. "Honestly, I'm glad I'm not the Dom. That's too much decision making. And you enjoy it, and I don't, which makes me a good sub," he joked, leaning towards him a little more. "Bet I do look just as good above you. We'll have to wait and see, won't we?" Ben couldn't help but smile to know that Quinn was already making plans for a next time. Ben really did like Quinn, and he really had enjoyed their scene together; he was just grateful that there would be a next time. That's all he could hope for, realistically. In real life, one scene led to another which led to another, and it kept going like that until a couple decided to make a contract and a claim. Humming happily at the feeling of Quinn sucking hickeys into his skin, Ben smiled, his eyes drifting shut. The kiss was unexpected, but surprising in the best way. Meeting his lips, he leaned his head into the hand in his hair, his hand going down to rest on Quinn's waist. He darted his tongue out to lick at Quinn's lower lip, humming to him. This moment felt like an eternity in the best way; Ben didn't want it to end. 
Quinn
"A very good sub," Quinn agreed with a grin, tracing his finger over Ben's bicep. He looked so good laying here next to him that it was pretty much impossible to keep his hands to himself for too long. "Unless you think you have one more round in you," Quinn teased. Truthfully, one more round was probably not the best idea, if only because both of them had responsibilities in the morning and he had no idea what time it was at the moment. He didn't want to look. That felt like it would somehow break the spell. Relief hit him when Ben deepened the kiss this time around. The soft, gentle kisses were making him get a little too much in his head, but this was familiar. He parted his lips a little more to allow Ben access if he wanted it, tugging ever so slightly at his hair. Alright, he might be a bit of an instigator.
Ben
“I’m glad you agree.” Ben smiled at that; the sound of Quinn calling him a very good sub made it feel like there were butterflies in his stomach again. Ben was glad that he’d kept a semi-regular gym routine; it seemed like Quinn was enjoying touching him, and Ben was more than proud to show off his body to him. “You know, I wouldn’t say no to another round if you didn’t have class in the morning. And I’ve got work, which is equally unfortunate when it comes to doing another scene right now.” Ben similarly didn’t know what time it was, and, quite frankly, he didn’t care. He could definitely lay with Quinn like this all night. Slipping his tongue into Quinn’s mouth, Ben hummed to him, hand on his stomach. He was taken entirely by surprise when Quinn pulled his hair, though, causing a moan to be dragged from his throat, head leaning with the tug. He just barely bit back the instinct to call Quinn Sir.
Quinn
Quinn had definitely expected some sort of remark about him being a flatterer, and he was pleased when it didn't come. Quinn didn't give out compliments without meaning them, and with Ben, he really did mean it. "Ugh, adult responsibilities," Quinn said with a playful roll of his eyes, smirking. He wanted Ben to stay, which should really be the indication that he should pull back and let him go. Instead, he tangled their legs together, enjoying the closeness without really thinking about it. Next time they'd do the scene at Ben's place, and he'd leave after he did the proper aftercare. That was all this was, really. Just aftercare. He was entirely too interested when he heard Ben moan, and he let the kiss go on for a few more moments before he pulled back, opening his eyes and looking at him. "Turns out I can behave. Shocking," he said, pulling his hand back and wrapping his arm around his waist again.
Ben
Ben knew that he was a good sub, but it was always nice to hear it from someone else. It was easier to accept compliments about his submission than it was to accept any other sort of compliment, in his experience. The number of times he'd been told he was a delight of a submissive was enough to convince him that it was true. Plus, he felt comfortable in his submission, and he valued it about himself. He didn't want to be any other way. "I agree." He smiled at the playful response about having adult responsibilities. If only they could lay there forever, not having to worry about anything else. He hummed against Quinn's lips at the feeling of him tangling their legs together, happy that it seemed like Quinn's way of asking him to stay. All that Ben could hope was that this wasn't just aftercare - that Quinn actually wanted him there. When Quinn pulled back and wrapped an arm around his waist, Ben nuzzled close to him. "I'd have to spank you if you couldn't," he joked, shaking his head, laughing at himself. Pressing his forehead to Quinn's shoulder for just a second, he kissed there, a smile on his lips. "This is nice..."
Quinn
A surprised huff of laughter escaped Quinn’s lips at Ben’s joking comment. “Oh yeah, tough guy? Got a big bad dom side I don’t know about?” he teased. Spanking could be hot, but he’d never really pictured himself on the receiving end. He couldn’t really imagine Ben being bratty enough to warrant a spanking either. If he wanted one, it would definitely be the sensual kind. Filing that thought away for later, he just relaxed into Ben’s touch. He didn’t have to think so hard about it. He was getting a little bit sleepy anyway, and Ben was right. It was nice. Do you wanna stay? He almost asked the question just like that, but at the last minute thought better of it. He didn’t want to put Ben into a position where he felt like he had to say yes to be a good submissive. The scene was over, and he was under no obligation to stay. He finally decided on, “Are you staying?” Much more neutral, the invitation obvious even if it wasn’t explicitly stated.
Ben
"Don't I look like it?" he joked back, propping his head up on the pillow a little more. More than once in his life, he'd had people confuse him for a Dom. Maybe it was because of his height, or his stature, whatever it was, it had happened. And, whenever it happened, Ben had to explain that no, he was a submissive, but thanks for asking. "But you should've seen your face," he grinned, a finger coming up to trace over one of Quinn's cheekbones. At the question, he felt his heart skip a beat. Yes, yes, yes, a million times yes, his heart told him, but he pushed that thought down, not wanting to scare Quinn off (despite the fact that they were in Quinn's apartment). "I'd like that," he replied, a far more simple yes. Reaching down to tug the blankets over them, he hummed. "You big spoon or little spoon?" he asked, his tone nonjudgmental - Ben was happy to oblige either way. "Or no spooning? Up to you, it's your bed."
Quinn
Quinn tilted his head to the side, considering. "No. But I know you, and I just had a scene with you, so my answer's biased," he replied. A mind-blowingly good scene, but he didn't want to go overboard on the praise now they were out of the scene, he was pretty sure Ben was out of subspace and therefore more likely to remember the specific words he's said. He was pretty sure he'd gotten away with the term of endearment he'd dropped because of how far gone Ben had been. Not that he was going to ask and find out. "You don't usually catch me by surprise," Quinn replied. That wasn't necessarily true, but usually he was better at hiding it. When Ben said that he'd like that, Quinn smiled. He was a step ahead of him with the blankets, and when Ben asked about cuddling, he didn't have an immediate answer for him. He hadn't spooned with someone in a long time. But clearly Ben had been thinking about it. His genuine answer and the answer he was giving Ben were different, so after a beat he said, "Big spoon." And it was dumb, picking his least favorite option because he didn't want to enjoy the other one as much, but he'd made his call.
Ben
"Yeah, and you knew me before I was this big, which also gives a different idea," he pointed out, still smiling. He'd almost never been confused for a Dom in Edgewater, but, when he was in college, it happened at least once a month. "I don't usually catch you by surprise, sure, but I've caught you by surprise before." He caught almost everyone who had left town and then come back by surprise, especially if they'd been away from Edgewater for a while. Those people who missed his growth spurt, his high school baseball days, filling out from the scrawny thing he used to be. He could tell that Quinn didn't have an answer about spooning immediately, so he gave him the time to think, not bringing anything else up, just running a finger over his shoulder. He nodded with a little smile as Quinn decided on big spoon, rolling over so that his back was to him. "If I pass out mid-conversation, I'm sorry. But you wore me out, Heartland, I'll give you that. It was a great scene, thank you."
Quinn
"True. You being this big was definitely a surprise." He wasn't just talking about his height, either. He didn't typically bottom, but it wasn't as though he'd never done it before either. He had no idea if Ben was interested in that, but it might be worth bringing up later on. His visits home had been so brief that he hadn't so much as stopped by Mac's. Mostly because it was all but guaranteed that you'd run into someone you knew there and end up locked in conversation for who knows how long. Not that he minded the conversation, per se. It was when the small talk got repetitive. Which, he'd definitely been guilty of now that he was back. Reaching over to grab his cell phone from the top of his bedside table, he asked, "What time am I setting the alarm for?" He was pretty sure Ben had to get to work before he had to get to class, and he had the added disadvantage of having to go home. Smiling at the compliment, he ducked his head to press a kiss to Ben's shoulder. "Glad you liked it."
Ben
"I think it was a surprise to my mom, too." Ben chuckled, completely missing the double entendre. Shifting to fluff up his pillow, he rested his head back against it, almost groaning at Quinn's next question. "Fuck-- alarm..." he mumbled to himself, rubbing at his eyes. "Dunno, like, 8? I should shower before work, and I gotta go home first to grab a change of uniform..." Ben continued to mumble to himself, half-hoping Quinn could hear him. Pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose, he did his best to hold back a yawn, not wanting to seem as worn out as he was. "8 should be good, yeah." He didn't want it to be any earlier than 8; the longer he got to spend in Quinn's arms, the better. If he was a tiny bit late, Brooke wouldn't care. "I hope you liked it as much as I did..." this time, he couldn't hold back the yawn, nuzzling against the pillow. "Mm... your bed's comfy..."
Quinn
Quinn snorted at Ben's comment, amused at how the dual meaning seemed to go straight over his head. He set the alarm for 8 as requested and then another for 8:30 for when he inevitably ignored Ben's alarm. Ben was seriously worn out, and Quinn took some small satisfaction knowing it was because of him. Once the alarms were set, Quinn rolled to put the phone back and plug it in before ultimately settling, pressed against Ben, an arm wrapped around him. "I did," he promised, eyes falling closed as he heard Ben yawn. "G'night," he murmured, even as his own mind wandered. Had it been a good idea to invite him to stay? He'd have to work it into conversation at some point that he wasn't on the market for anything serious. Then again, who knew if Ben was? Maybe he'd ask Brooke before making assumptions. Satisfied with that course of action, he drifted off.
Ben
Ben found himself more than content. He hadn’t felt this satisfied with anything in a long, long time. He had no clue if this was a one-time thing, but the fact that Quinn wanted him to stay was a good sign, right? He hummed at the feeling of Quinn wrapping around him, his hand going to rest on top of Quinn’s. He pressed himself back against him, nuzzling against the pillow again. Feeling thoroughly content, it wasn’t much longer until he fell asleep, knowing he was both safe and warm tucked up against Quinn.
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angelofthequeers · 4 years
Text
Hold Me By Both Hands: Chapter 43
Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.
Enjoy this fluff because next chapter is when shit goes down :)
Chapter 42 | Chapter 44 | AO3 link
[7:02 pm] Luka <3
Adrien: so
Adrien: mari and kagami are on their date
Adrien: wanna chat?
Luka: that better not have been a pun
Adrien: :)
Adrien: no but srsly
Adrien: i’m gonna do it
Luka: ???
Adrien: i’m gonna come out
Adrien: and my dad can suck it
Luka: not sure whether i like being a reason for you to stick it to him
Adrien: nah you’re not
Adrien: more like a convenient excuse
Adrien: but like
Adrien: fuck if i gotta be the agreste poster boy then let me be out
Luka: for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you
Adrien: aww you know how to make a cat blush
Luka: you’re going to have so many people looking up to you
Luka: speaking from experience
Adrien: if i gotta be a role model then at least it’s for this
Luka: are you going to talk to marinette and kagami about it first?
Adrien: ofc
Adrien: just let them enjoy their date first lol
Adrien: wonder how they’re going
Luka: well, we haven’t seen any akumas yet, so i’m assuming it’s going well
Adrien: lmao
Adrien: so like uh
Adrien: wanna help me figure out wtf to say in the vid?
Luka: it’d be my pleasure
.
“Nathalie?” Adrien says at dinner two nights later. “Could I speak to Father for five minutes?”
“He’s very busy,” Nathalie says automatically. “If you have a message for him –”
“I know he’s too busy to see me most days. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”
Nathalie raises an eyebrow. “Just how important can it be that you would disturb him?”
With a sigh, Adrien beckons her over, then unlocks his phone and taps into the video he’d sweated over all afternoon thanks to his last-minute Chinese cancellation. “I’m going to go ahead and say something no matter what,” he says. “But I want to make sure that it’s not going to “besmirch” the Agreste name or whatever Father says. I promised him I wouldn’t do that if I got to be with Marinette.”
After Adrien presses play, his face appears on the small phone screen, grinning rather nervously.
“Hey, everyone,” video Adrien says, scratching the back of his neck. “So, you’ve all been really great about my relationship with Marinette, and I couldn’t be more thankful. She’s just…amazing. The light of my life. But there’s something else that���s been going on behind the scenes, and I wanted to be honest and upfront with you guys. You all deserve that much.
“I’m just gonna come right out and say this first part. I’m…bi. Bisexual. As in, I don’t just like girls. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for months now, and my amazing princess has been my anchor while I’ve been figuring it out. She’s bi too, you know? And yes, she told me to say that, otherwise I wouldn’t breathe a word.
“A lot of people seem to think that being bi makes you, uh…promiscuous. That you want to jump every person you see. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. If a straight guy can be attracted to other girls and still choose his girlfriend, I can be attracted to other people and still be faithful to my Marinette. Attraction, not actions – and yes, I did come up with that, so feel free to use it.” Video Adrien shoots a finger-gun at the camera.
“But there’s another aspect of both me and Marinette that we’ve spent months wrestling over, and I like to think that us being so open about it with each other is what made our relationship so strong. We’re both polyamorous. We both love more than one person and want to be with that boy and girl, and we do plan on taking a group pic and being totally open about it with you guys to avoid any rumours, although we do ask that you respect our privacy and don’t bombard us with negativity or requests to “join” us.
“And I just wanna be clear: I’m not bi because I’m polyam, and I’m not polyam because I’m bi. You know, the whole promiscuous bi stereotype I mentioned before. Being polyam doesn’t mean I’m open to every single person who asks me out. It just means that having a relationship with multiple people who I’m attracted to feels…right. You know, how most people might be attracted to someone else but feel wrong if they choose to date that person as well as their partner. It’s the opposite for me and Marinette. We’ve both got so much love to give and we don’t feel right being constrained by this expectation that we can only date each other. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy or polyamory, and we’re just asking people to be respectful of us.
“So, um…yeah. That’s it. Thanks for listening, guys. And thanks for being respectful. I figured that if I could help just one person by coming out, this would be worth it, because I know I would’ve killed for someone to look up to and help me figure myself out. Uh, bye!”
The video ends with another finger-gun. Adrien swallows and tries not to shift in his seat as Nathalie regards him silently with her usual impassive face. It’s always impossible to read just what his father’s assistant is thinking, even after years of knowing her.
“I see no problem with the video,” Nathalie finally says. “But I’d refrain from posting it until I show your father and get his approval. Just send it to me and I’ll show him.”
“Right – thanks, Nathalie!”
Surprisingly, Adrien’s father must be in a good mood today, because Nathalie returns to summon Adrien as soon as he’s finished eating. There’s a knot in Adrien’s stomach as he knocks on the door of Gabriel’s atelier and pushes it open as soon as he’s instructed to do so, and he can only pray that he doesn’t throw up right in front of Gabriel, because that’s possibly the fastest way to shoot himself in the foot right now.
“So…” Adrien says. Gabriel holds a hand up, his cold grey eyes piercing Adrien’s very core, unsettling Adrien’s soul and leaving him to direct his willpower into not fidgeting with his ring.
“That was quite the interesting video that Nathalie showed me,” Gabriel finally says. Adrien swallows and wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans.
“Y-Yeah…”
“I can’t help but feel that it’s a little…greedy of you, Adrien. You have Miss Dupain-Cheng, after all.”
Adrien’s fingers twitch with the effort it takes to not clench them into fists. “I’m not greedy for liking more than one person, Father,” he says as evenly as he can manage.
“Well, if Miss Dupain-Cheng has this many…ah, shortcomings –”
“What? You think I want to be with Luka and Kagami as well to – to make up for Marinette’s flaws?” Now Adrien does clench his fists, and he’s pretty sure his set jaw is visibly rigid. “That’s not how polyamory works, Father. I’ve done my research! You think this is something I’d just jump into –”
“Watch your tone,” Gabriel says sharply. “Perhaps your girlfriend has been a negative influence after all. I may have to –”
“No,” Adrien hisses. Gabriel’s eyebrows fly to his hairline.
“No?” he repeats, as though it’s a word he’s never heard in his life. Adrien’s heart starts to race.
“I said no. You’re not taking Marinette away from me, Father. You’re not taking…the best thing that’s happened to me. And you’re not taking the others either. I didn’t come to ask for your permission. I came to compromise with you and let you approve of what I say in the video.”
“I’m not sure I like your attitude, young man. In fact, allowing you to attend school in the first place may have been my biggest error.”
Adrien can’t stop his jaw from dropping. What. The. Hell. Is Gabriel really that much of a control freak that he’d wish that Adrien had never found happiness just to maintain a modicum of control?
“You can withdraw me from school, but you can’t stop me from seeing my friends, Father,” Adrien snaps. His head’s spinning ever so slightly, and there’s a growl starting to rumble in his chest, and is he Adrien right now or Chat Noir? Adrien. He’s Adrien. Otherwise, Gabriel wouldn’t be looking at him like…that. “I’ll sneak out. I’ll always find a way to sneak out. I do fencing and Chinese and modelling to make you happy, because it’s a fair trade for letting me have a life with normal friends and normal school. But if you take away what makes me happy, I’ll take away any bit of control you have over me.”
“You are a child! You do whatever I say! I am your father!” Gabriel slams his palm on his desk. Adrien reflexively flinches, but then a tiny paw is digging into his ribs from inside his shirt, and it’s just grounding enough to stop him from babbling apologies and fleeing the room. He can do this. He can stand his ground. For Marinette and Luka and Kagami. For himself. All that’s necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing…even if he's about two seconds from falling to the floor unable to breathe in sheer panic.
“You’d really prefer that your own son has no happiness in his life just so you can keep controlling him like a puppet?” he says breathlessly. Gabriel visibly reacts, reeling back as though he’d been slapped, and he looks like he’s going to say something for a moment before looking down at his desk and shaking his head.
“Everything I’ve done has been for you, Adrien Agreste,” Gabriel says, his hand rising to clutch at his tie for a split second. His voice is so soft that it’s barely audible, so Adrien can’t quite make out whether there’s any danger in it. “All I’ve ever wanted is to keep you safe. To not lose you like I lost…”
Adrien’s shoulders slump. “You can’t shelter me forever, Father,” he says, forcing himself to imagine Marinette and Kagami and Luka’s voices alternating counting his breaths so that he doesn’t pass out. “I’ll be an adult in a few years and then I can leave, and I’ve still got no idea how to function like a normal person. Normal people don’t have my life. They’re not world-famous and modelling and studying Mandarin and fencing. And if you had your way…I’d never leave. I’d never have any idea how to leave. And I’d…I’d resent you for it.”
Gabriel is silent for such a long time that Adrien absently wonders if he’ll pass out anyway before his father speaks again, because the room is suddenly claustrophobic and hot and closing in on him, despite his controlled breathing.
“I see,” Gabriel eventually says. “If that’s how you really feel…”
Adrien braces himself for the inevitable crackdown for daring to speak his mind.
“…then I will allow you to also date this boy and girl,” Gabriel finishes. Adrien blinks, then blinks again to make sure that he’d heard right, because what? “So long as all of you behave properly and do not besmirch the Agreste name. The same conditions from when I allowed you to date Miss Dupain-Cheng still apply.”
“R-Really?” is all Adrien can say. Gabriel nods.
“I’ll also lessen your obligations on one weekday and one weekend day so that you may spend proper time with your partners,” he says. “In return, you will fully apply yourself to your studies and your extracurricular activities. You will not complain when I ask you to do something. You will let me know when you are going out and where you will be going. If your grades slip or your activities suffer, I will rescind my permission. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes!” Adrien blurts out, not even caring that he’s effectively agreeing to sit down and do as he’s told, because this is the most freedom he’s ever been given by his father! “Yes – thank you, Father! Thank you so much!”
For a nanosecond, there’s a ghost of a smile on Gabriel’s face. But it’s gone so fast that Adrien’s left wondering if his brain is playing tricks on him.
“I must admit, I may have become a little…overprotective after I was akumatised,” Gabriel says. “But unfortunately, you are right. I can’t shelter you forever. Before you go, tell me the people in whom you and Miss Dupain-Cheng are both interested.”
“The girl is Kagami,” Adrien says. “Ms Tsurugi knows. Marinette met her the other day. And the boy…his name’s Luka. Luka Couffaine. He’s…amazing, Father. He’s just as amazing as Marinette and Kagami, but in a totally different way.”
“Hmm.” Gabriel pulls his tablet back towards him. “Goodnight, Adrien.”
“Goodnight, Father,” Adrien replies, recognising a clear dismissal when he sees one. Well, now it’s time to head back to his room, scream into his pillow for a good minute, throw said pillow at Plagg when the little shit makes fun of him, then call Marinette and Luka and Kagami to yell at them for good measure.
.
“I have prior obligations,” Kagami sighs over FaceTime while Adrien and Luka are waiting for Marinette to finish getting ready for their date. “And besides, I had a date with Marinette last night. It’s fair that you both have one without me.”
“Kagami, we’re a quad,” Adrien says. “Why would we have weird arbitrary rules like that? I know we agreed to have different dates but not like that.”
“Exactly,” says a voice from behind Adrien. When he turns and is greeted by the sight of Marinette in a floaty blue sundress with her hair in a loose bun, his brain immediately short-circuits and all he can do is make garbled sounds that in no way resemble words in any language on Earth. A quick glance next to him informs him that Luka is in very much the same state.
“Nice work, Marinette,” Kagami says with twitching lips. “You broke them.”
“Oh, just you wait,” Marinette grins. “Next time, I’ll break you too. Wait, don’t distract me when I’m scolding you! No one’s more important than anyone else in this, Kagami. I told you that the other night.”
“We’re all in this together,” Adrien sings while his brain reboots. Marinette and Luka groan.
“I don’t understand,” Kagami says.
“If you reference that again, you won’t get any cuddles for a week,” Marinette says.
“I’ll put on my kitten eyes,” Adrien shoots back.
“What, the ones that make you look like a constipated whale?” Plagg says from inside Marinette’s purse, where he’s taken to hanging out with Tikki whenever Marinette and Adrien are in the same place. That one makes Marinette, Luka, and Kagami burst out laughing, while Adrien scowls at Marinette’s purse and Tikki can be heard scolding Plagg.
“Thank you for helping to soothe my irrationality,” Kagami says once the laughter’s died down. “I appreciate all of you. But I wasn’t lying when I said that I had prior obligations. Mother wants to test my fencing skills, to see how I’m progressing.”
“Ew.” Marinette wrinkles her nose. “Have fun. We’ll think of you while we’re drinking ice cold lemonade.”
“Thanks,” Kagami deadpans. Then she looks over her shoulder. “I have to go. Enjoy your date and tell me everything about it tonight.”
“Bye, Kagami!” the other three chorus before Kagami’s face disappears from Adrien’s phone screen.
“C’mon, let’s hurry up and get to the park!” Adrien whines, jumping up and tugging on Luka’s arm. “Then I can get sandwiched between two pretty people on a picnic blanket!”
“Really?” Marinette says. “You’re going to make a bread pun?”
“Hey, when the opportunity rises.”
“And just who says you’ll be the one in the middle?” Luka teases. Butterflies erupt in Adrien’s stomach when Luka slings an arm around him, then reaches out to ensnare a pink-faced Marinette and draw her to his other side. “I’m the tallest.”
“But I’m a cat,” Adrien argues. “You’re supposed to use me as a pillow.”
“Oh my god,” Marinette mutters. Luka grins and then, rather than arguing back, he simply dips his head and captures Adrien’s mouth in a sweet little kiss, and Adrien’s brain promptly liquefies and starts to trickle out of his ears.
“You were saying?” Luka says.
“I – no – must – stay strong,” Adrien babbles.
“I’ll be in the freaking middle!” Marinette says. “I’m the girl and the team leader, so there!”
“Ah, but we’re partners, bugaboo,” Adrien manages to fire back.
“And I’m not even part of the team,” Luka adds with a smirk. Marinette rolls her eyes.
“I’ll lie across both of you and you can cuddle each other!” she says, throwing her hands into the air. “How’s that?”
Adrien and Luka exchange grins. “Fine with us,” they chorus. Marinette sighs.
“What did I get myself into?” she says.
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Confessions of a Budget Witch
Originally posted by me, in the "Witches & Pagans" Amino.
Let's get this out of the way right now: Being a witch on a tight budget sucks.
Being on a tight budget in general sucks, but this entry is focusing on witches on budgets, and the shadowy, consumerist side of witchcraft and paganism circles. So hold on to your brooms, brujxs, this is going to be a log post.
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The Aesthetic/ Instagram Witch
Before anybody throws stones, I have an Instagram account (with this same name). I'm not against the witch aesthetic.
In fact, I think it's great that so many people are passionate enough about art to create these wonderful images. I adore those photos with rose quartz crystal balls and points next to delicate himalayan salt lamps and towering pastel pink candles, and the magnificent bundles of dried roses and lavendar.
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Would I want all of those? Goddess, no. Cleaning up all the pouring wax alone would drive me insane, and thinking of all the vacuuming involved with all the dried herbs littering the floor makes me want to take a nap.
And yet, when I close my eyes, I think of some of those images of tall candles littering an altar, of a big crystal ball and tall crystal points. I think of creating big, elaborate crystal grids. I think of a nice stone mortal and pestle I've been wanting to buy for years.
Reality, however, has to hit sometime, and for me it's always when I check my bank account and remember that I barely pay rent with my current salary on most months. I constantly need help with groceries, medical and cellphone expenses. It's gotten better, but I still am not completely financially independent.
That said, I'm fortunate enough to still have some money to buy the things I enjoy, mostly crystals, candles and readings these days. I desperately want to support other witches/spiritual healers, so I carefully look over my finances and put aside some cash for them.
Does this mean I am any less frustrated? No.
In fact, a lot of my anger bubbles up when I read a new spell or witch book with a list of ingredients, always with the note saying like "you can always substitute ingredients, but it won't have the same effect". Which begs the question of why I bother looking up spells in the first place when I usually only have kitchen herbs and my 10-15 crystals (which is quite a lot of pretty rocks as it is). I feel like all these resources ask for the few things I do not have.
Now, I won't say that all sources are like this.
Websites and YouTube channels on minimalistic witchcraft are mostly free, and books like "Light Magic for Dark Times" by Lisa Marie Basille and "Holistic Energy Magic" by Tess Whitehurst, for example, have little to no need to buy a list if ingredients. However, these tend to be the minority in the witchcraft community.
Is that the budget witches fault? Absolutely not. We all have bills to pay and real-world responsibilities. The fact that we still fit this stuff into our lives just shows how much the Craft means to us. Which beings me to my next point...
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Finding Affordable and Functional Tools
Western Witchcraft tends to rely heavily on materials and tools to gain results. While many witches guarentee that you "only need yourself" to do magick, the reality is that magick without tools is incredibly difficult and almost impossible for baby witches.
The good news is that stores (in the US, at least) like Five Below and Dollar General are selling some basic stuff like candles, essential oils, crystals and incense at low prices. That said, aside from the candles, glass jars, wooden boxes and incense holders, many of those tools are low-quality. Most of the essential oils I've found at these stores, for example, are perfumed and not real plant-based oils. Tarot decks from places like Wish are usually cheap bootleg imitations that are also low-quality (and also don't support the creators). Another disadvantage is that we aren't supporting the metaphysical community when you buy from these places, which is something I find frustrating. Lastly, I've also noticed that cheap crystals are not not mined ethically, and that is another thing that I personally try to avoid buying cheap if I can.
Now, some common stores, such as pharmacies and grocery stores, are still quite useful to the budget witch. Pharmacies tend to have plant-based and cruelty-free essential oils and diffusers for good prices. Just make sure to research what can harm pets if you have them. Tea tree oil is very toxic to dogs, for example, but lavendar is not. However, lavendar is harmful to cats. Make sure to know what you're using if your pets are around you. Grocery stores are also great places to get cheap dried herbs.
Law of Attraction and The Root Chakra
If you've been reading my post, you'll have noticed that I do not like the Law of Attraction. So we are all clear, I am not against having goals, or following your dreams or passions. I am against the way this system makes the practitioner feel responsible for factors out of their control. (There is a Tumblr post that also explains how the ideology of LOA falls withing the B.I.T.E. model, which is used to identify cult ideology. I'll link it here soon).
I have also become incredibly wary of using chakras, as the popularized system that most witches use today were made-up by a white author.
What bothers me more than any of the aforementioned things is when other practitioners state that those of us in a difficult financial situation are either not working with our root chakras (which focuses on finantial stability, and livliehood) or just aren't using the Law of Attraction well enough. Blaming these kinds of difficulties on budget witches is not only shameful, but it's also usually a marketing tactic used by certain folks to make those of us desperate for money to want to buy their services to "learn how to get rich" or at least financially stable enough to thrive.
If you are interested in using the Western chakras, there are cost-effective ways to work on them, such as using meditation. Again, YouTube is a rich resource for hundreds of free and effective guided meditations on anything from chakras to spirit guides.
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Also, let's not forget our good old friend, Practicality. When you get an infection, for example, your priority should the doctor/medical professional first before witchcraft, unless you have a herbal specialist that can create a safe and effective holistic medication (and this person should be, again, a professional). In the same vein, if your are going through a financial rough spot, buying a bunch of root chakra candles or crystals in the hope that your situation will improve is contradictory to what you need to do: save that money. Maybe get one or two inespensive things if you can. If not, use the free resources on hand.
Don't Allow This to Discourage You
As much as many of us claim not to need tools (and I applaud you if you manage with so little, willingly or not), the truth is that most of us like to have things on hand, and I am no exception. Books, candles, crystals, decks and herbs are what I spend my money on. I am aware that there is a materialistic aspect to the way I choose to work. I even have a cauldron and a professionally made wand, despite not being Wiccan and using both for only special occasions. Heck, right now the cauldron is just housing a bled of herbs to cleanse anything I put in it.
That's my choice. I save for some months and then buy little by little. But there are other ways to be an effective budget witch and thrive.
For example, many witches on this site have pointed out that you can make your own tools, such as wands or altar decorations, out of sticks and rocks. Some folks prefer finding their own tools. Just be careful not to pick up anything poisonous, or disturb the nest of any animals that may be around. Also, do NOT eat anything off the ground unless you are 100% sure what it is and that it has been grown in clean soil. Go to the supermarket for edible herbs if you can't find a local market or herb shop. A quick online search will help with that, and you'll be acquainted with your environment.
Tea is also another wonderful resource for the budget witch. It is easy to find, usually under $5 a box (in the USA) and good for you. Again, it's still wise to be careful when trying new herbs, but I find most tea companies will stick to fruits amd common herbs like chamomile and peppermint, to name a few. Honey pairs well with tea, great for magick, and also very accessible. You can also open tea bags for a spell, or invest in loose herb mixes and a strainer. Try buying a teapot if possible. If not, boil your water in a pot over the stove, microwaved tea isn't as good. Trust me.
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Tips & Tricks
🖤Crystals are just as effective if they are small or pocket-sized, and usually a lot cheaper that way. There is the bonus perk of being able to carry them with you on the go in your bag or pockets.
🖤Use non-magickal sources as well a magickal ones to identify herbs and crystals so you can be sure they won't harm you. Crystals can also be toxic.
🖤Some people (myself included) believe normal rocks to be just as powerful as crystals. You can even try painting them the color you want to manifest, or you can put sigils on them.
🖤There are free digital tarot apps that are great for readings and having a deck with you wherever you go. The Labyrinthos and Kawaii Tarot apps are the ones I currently use.
🖤Plastic flowers and fruit can be cost-effective decor for your altar, and maybe even an offering or representation of your deity(ies) if you have any.
🖤Epsom salts are relatively cheap, and adding your own essential oils to them in a tub or foot bath is a great spa day remedy and good for metaphysical and physical cleansing. Just make sure they are real essential oils, and look up the correct dosage.
🖤White vinegar is also affordable, and efficient glass, counter-top and carpet cleaner. It also has protective properties along with salt, and it's great for cleaning your altar, if you can stand the smell.
Some Resources:
My Go-To Etsy Stores for Ethical and Affordable Crystal Buying: (I am not a sponsor for these stores, nor am I being paid to advertise them).
The Spiritnectar
Moonrise Crystal
Ethically-Sourced & Affordable Crystals. My order came with a tea bag as well!
Crystal LionGems
Budget Witch Videos:
The Witch of Wonderlust on Low-Budget Witchcraft
Magickians Budget Witch Guide
Cheap Places to Get Books that Aren't Amazon:
Thriftbooks
BookOutlet
Or rent books at your local library! You can also make requests if they don't have what you're looking for.
That's all for now, brujxs. Please tell me your thoughts, and how you handle being a budget witch. Stay safe, witchy and freaky. 💜
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cpeacephoto · 4 years
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               Sadly, my posting of old photos may be coming to a point where it is less frequent. I’m running out of old photos to post, particularly those that aren’t nude portraits in some way. Which is nothing else seem really old hat to me but maybe that’s just because I’m not 22 and full of hormones anymore. I need to take more photos so I have more things to post and talk about.
              I’m also noticing the community on Tumblr seems to be teens half my age. Maybe I’m just an old fart who doesn’t know how to use Tumblr? I’ve got absolutely nothing against teens. On the teen aspect, I wonder sometimes if my ranting is relevant, or even responsible.
              When we’re teens we’re going through so much. So many emotions, hormones, new situations, pressures. I can see where some of what I post becomes attractive or relatable if not just something to feel emotions to. But for most teens, these things will pass. It will change and it will get better. So I worry I’m not helping. I’ll get into that more near the end.
              It leads me to these photos today. These photos were taken years ago on the Bonneville Salt Flats. I’m sure there’s a place on the flats with an actual parking lot and visitor center but that’s now how we did it. This was probably the second time shooting this model. I’ll have to tell the story of the first another time. She was a little younger than I was grew up traditionally LDS but she herself wasn’t particularly religious or conservative. She actually seemed to like the idea of tattoos, alternative music, just being yourself even if she personally didn’t have tattoos. She was a HUGE lover of animals. Would end up one day a hedgehog breeder I think.
              On this particular day she took her dog with her and together in her old BMW she picked me up and we went down the highway. The highway at the flats is basically a straight line and no one is driving the speed limit. Lots of people whizzing by at 100+ miles per hour. Being the flats, there’s also a huge amount of wind. We drive for what must have been an hour and talked, always looking at her gas gauge as that limited what we could do. I remember at one point some of the rubber holding on the windshield of that old BMW caught the wind and just flung off the car. Made me think of being in a rocket ship and having a panel fly off.
              When we finally decided to take photos we just pulled over and walked out to the flats. It was vast, flat, and windy.
              To me, these are lonely photos. And I post them today because of it. The girl in the photos was someone I had several deep conversations with. And in many ways I think had I allowed myself to feel joy, I could have been friends with. It may be arrogant to think so, but maybe even something more. She was someone who saw my flaws and kept trying to tell me that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. And at some point in life because I couldn’t let myself have friends, let alone find love, and kept trying to tell myself I couldn’t form relationships with models or it was creepy… at some point I’d end up locking her out of my life. Suddenly, dramatically, and quietly.
              This last month has been one hell of a roller coaster ride emotionally. There have been developments that happened with my old friend. The kinds of things where you don’t necessarily go looking and somehow it just pops up. The kinds of things where suddenly a lot of things just sort of happen. Where other things just don’t happen. It’s been a month of spiraling out on anxiety and walking around like Jack Skellington going, “What does it mean? What does it mean?”. A month of trying to distract myself, feel emotionally distant, make mistakes, learn something about myself, respond to all the stress and anxiety differently. A month of things not being as bad as I thought and things not going as horribly as I thought. And on the rare occasion getting to pull out my telescope to see how my old friend is on their boat and just feel, happy or complete again for a minute. It’s been a long and strange month.
              Part of that month includes several people telling me something that I’m sure I’ve been told before by someone, but for some reason resonates now. It’s the notion that really nothing that’s happened is bad, or wrong. It doesn’t mean I’m a monster, that I’m a fuck up, or that my old friend even hates me. They probably just, don’t think of me because life has moved on for them. More to the point I’ve been told several times this month that the issue, not problem but issue, in my life is pain. Particularly that I keep punishing myself. And doing so to such an impossible and undeserving standard. As if all the punishment somehow makes everything that happened and all the time lost okay. As if should I ever not punish, then none of it would matter anymore. That if I just punish myself hard enough or long enough, that maybe life will go back to the way it was which it never will, but also shouldn’t necessarily and that’s okay. That punishment and pain have become an identity, and I’ve not allowed myself to know anything else.
              It makes me think of these photos. Because there’s been so many wonderful people along the way the last 16 years that I’ve locked out and pushed out. People I felt I couldn’t, or shouldn’t, associate with beyond a very strict point. I’ve missed out on so much. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to miss out on those things anymore. And I don’t want to live in punishment and pain. The time lost, is lost. But I still have the rest of my life. That perhaps there is something to be said for time served and enough is enough.
              In some capacity, even if it’s just chatting online on occasion, I’d like to move on with my old friend. Like I’ve said before, I’ve always had this weird feeling my path eventually leads me back to them. And without the worry of school, social groups, parents, the impending doom of “get life right or live in a van down by the river” now, they and I have our whole lives to get to know each other. And be who we need to be to each other.
              But even if it is just conversations online on occasion, which is progress I’m hoping comes from this month, or even if it’s nothing at all. I really want to enjoy life again with someone. I want someone to not lock out anymore.
              And I think that’s the lesson. “let it go” doesn’t mean forget about it, or it doesn’t matter. It means that at some point the only person punishing you, judging you, hurting you… is you. And the only way it’ll ever get better is if you forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy again. Something some of the events of this month, be they good or bad, has shown me. It’s okay. SWAT isn’t about to bust down my door. It’s okay to feel something.
                Came across a podcast episode today that talked a little about this idea of Idiot compassion vs Wise compassion. It’s an interesting concept. One of those things that when you stop to think about it feels like you’ve always known about but just never really had defined before. That “duh” moment for me I guess.
                For most of us, the compassion we’ll see most often is going to be Idiot compassion. We’ll even be the dealers of it from time to time. We’ll see it mostly from our friends and our family when we’re not feeling our best.
              In Idiot compassion it’s when someone gives compassion for their own benefit. Because it makes them feel better. Because they personally don’t want to see this person suffering, or because if the suffering heed their advice they somehow gain. Such is of our friend stops being mopey we can finally go to the movies. It’s when they just want to make someone feel better, and so they don’t necessarily tell the suffering the truth.
              When we see someone we care about in a problem and we feel compelled to say something it is probably idiot compassion. Something done that probably isn’t going to really help the other person anyways. It is probably something nice for the sake of being nice. And it risks being something that may actually hurt or further the situation the suffering are in. This kind of compassion typically doesn’t take into context, see, or even care about the whole situation from an objective view.
              Your friends and family will likely give idiot compassion. As Lori Gottlieb says you may hear statements for example about a breakup similar to “He’s a jerk”, “you dodged a bullet”, “all men suck”, “never talk to an ex”. These people will commonly tell you things like you should date or sleep around to get over someone, that you just need to get over it, that’s it’s all in your head, that you should break up with someone because you had a fight, that you should marry this person because they are “perfect” or “perfect for you”. Such statements don’t really help you over time. They may feel good in the moment, but you may end up ultimately feeling unfulfilled about your “perfect” decisions, or stressed out anxious that you’re not doing as well as they said you should be or would be, or worst of all just back where you started.
              Wise compassion on the other hand might look at that same break up differently. In Lori’s case she talk about how the source of her struggle wasn’t ultimately that this guy was a jerk and her heart was broken. It was about how she thought she had her life planned out. She was getting married, doing all the right things, had a career, everything was planned out. She did everything right. And then all of a sudden, the plan wasn’t there anymore. There was no backup plan, she didn’t do anything wrong necessarily, and she was alone. The floor fell from underneath her.
      ��       As such wise compassion first had to dive into why she was truly struggling in the first place. Maybe he wasn’t the right guy for her. Sure. At the same time, maybe the problem is she was doing everything for the wrong reasons? Maybe she wasn’t really getting the fulfillment she truly needed? Maybe she was surrounding herself with the wrong people, like “yes men”. Maybe she was depending too much on others, on ideals, on this plan, then really being honest with herself on her needs? You can have your dream job, be successful, and still not find it fulfilling if you’re not being honest with yourself.
              Wise compassion by far is harder to find, but oh so much more valuable. We often feel and maybe are ill-equipped to dispense it. It may not necessarily flatter us or the person being given to. But it’s the truth given in a compassionate way.
              In Wise compassion, the compassion we give is more skillful and meaningful. Its intent is not to say something for the sake of something, or to simply end someone’s suffering so we don’t have to watch it. The intent is to help bring release from suffering so they honestly feel better. In this compassion it may be necessary to shine a mirror upon the sufferer to show them something they may not want to see or otherwise didn’t see before.
              It is an interesting thought experiment to me because I’ve been thinking about a similar thing for a while not. There’s a lot of nice people in this world. And there’s a time and a place for that. There’s nothing wrong with nice people. But people who simply nice people, aren’t always meaningful people. They aren’t always honest people. Just because someone is nice, doesn’t mean you’re going to be the best of friends that they really care about you, that you should sleep with them, date them, or marry them. It doesn’t mean you should be investing your time, energy, life, heart and soul into them.
              They aren’t bad people, they’re just nice people. And there’s a lot of nice people who will likely be nice for a while. But ultimately, aren’t you kind of people.
“~Write your soul down word for word. See who’s your friend. And who is kind.~ Matchbox Twenty - You Won’t be mine”
              In my life I’ve met a lot of nice people. And someone of them I’ve tried to hold onto longer than I should have, some I’ve lost myself in just to have someone who was nice around. There’s some who I pursued relationships with that ultimately didn’t work out because, they were just nice.Or because I didn’t truly allow myself to take the risk of actually feeling happy and connection again.
              There have been very few people in life who I’ve found had wise compassion. People who were truly honest, in a compassionate way. Who spoke my language, who I cared about.
              Like so many of these posts, it makes me think of my old friend. In part, because it always seemed like they could always find nice people. There was always an unlimited supply of nice people to surround them. To get lost in. How can you deny the voice of the crowd? They can’t all be wrong right? And it’s so much nicer over there what they have to say. But the voices of yes men and nice people, of Idiot compassion, isn’t always helpful. It isn’t necessarily fulfilling in the long run.
              I’ve been known to give people Idiot compassion like everyone else. But when it came to my old friend, I always tried to be honest. Even if it wasn’t fun to say, even if it wasn’t at my favor. I love their art. But no, I don’t love every piece. No, it’s not okay right now. Its okay it’s not okay right now. It’ll be okay someday. I love some of the things they do, and yes sometimes the problems we had were my fault. I own that. I’ve always felt like it was far more important to tell them the truth than to say something sweet just to be sweet.
              From my end, I’ve met a lot of nice people. I’ve had a lot of Idiot compassion happen to me. People who feel like emotional tourist. It’s part of why I feel for women. It’s so easy to have tourist show up because someone is feeling lonely, or horny, and the when the feeling passes in the morning or years down the road the tourist is gone only to be replaced by another. In my life I’ve had a lot of cliché’ platitudes lobbed at me. But I’ve had very few people be they stranger, tourist passing through, friends, family, or medical people, who were truly dispensers of Wise compassion. And there’s been so many times when I’ve needed it.
              I think that’s part of the reason why I respect and admire my old friend so much. They were probably the last person who I had that dispensed Wise compassion to me. And they were possible the only person I ever felt truly honored to try and reciprocate. I suppose in the end, after all this time I just hope beyond hope that I get that opportunity again someday.
              While I’m not really big into the holistic or the metaphysical, I do want to be a romantic and optimistic. There’s a thing called manifesting where you work towards your goals yes. You don’t lose focus and you don’t give up. But you try to stay positive, have happy thoughts, think about what you want and just hold on to that thought. I’m not really sure how much I buy into all of it. But I’ve got time. So I’ve been trying to manifest a conversation via happy thoughts and thinking about that conversation happening someday. Who knows, maybe it’ll all pay off sometime.
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soloragoldsun · 4 years
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Pride Month Recommendations- Days 9-18
No, I didn’t forget this! I just haven’t had the strength to do long-ass posts of this nature. Hopefully, things will be better when I switch shifts at the end of the month.
Anyway, I’m going to go through my Steam Library for this list...
9. Angels with Scaly Wings by Radical Phi is a dating sim/mystery/sci-fi game where you can romance a dragon. As you can probably imagine, it is an ideal game for me. You are an ambassador from a dying Earth who has been sent through a portal to a world populated by sentient dragons. There, you uncover a series of murders and get close to certain dragons while trying to save their world and yours. The characters are very in-depth with largely tragic backstories. Get ready for some feels. Your character is referred to by they/them pronouns, leaving their gender open to your interpretation. You can develop a relationship with all five dragons, regardless. It’s a wonderful game with great worldbuilding and incredible characters!
10. Coming Out on Top by Obscurasoft is a game that I willingly purchased TWICE. The first time was when it was still in development, which I almost never do. Even when it was incomplete, I got an amazing experience from it! When I lost access to my old email and the game came out on Steam, I bought the completed version. The premise is simple in theory: You are a college senior who has just come out as gay, and can romance one of several guys over the course of the game. What makes this game stand out is the likeable characters, the zany settings you can find yourself in, and the hilarious dialogue! Each romance is unique, and even the non-romanceable side characters are memorable. It has good sex scenes, if that’s what you’re into, and you can even customize things like facial hair on your character and the bachelors. There are even mini-dates you can go on if you don’t feel like playing a whole route. This game has it all, and you can easily get several hours of gameplay out of it. I mean, did I mention that I willingly paid for it TWICE?
11. Dragon Age: Origins by Bioware was a gamechanger for me, literally, as it heightened my standards when it came to games in general. To this day, it remains on my top five list of greatest games of all time. You play as a character who eventually becomes a Grey Warden, whose purpose is to defeat creatures known as Darkspawn and stop a Blight that is descending upon your homeland. How you go about that fight, who you choose as allies, and your overall actions in the world are up to you. You can play out one of several backstories for your character, customize your class, and, of course, romance one of four characters. Two of the romanceable characters, Leliana and Zevran, are bisexual. In later games, you get even more romance options, but I feel that Origins is the best game overall. I could play it again and again, and have done so several times. Also, it’s on Steam, which means you can buy it and all DLCs without dealing with the annoying Origin platform.
12. Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator by Game Grumps has been talked about so much, I almost feel like I don’t need to. I will anyway. It’s a game where you play as a single dad who moves into an area that, conveniently, also has a bunch of single dads. As the title suggests, you get to date the dads you meet over the course of the game. This game is awesome because, among other aspects, it’s super inclusive. You can decide whether your dadsona is trans or not, whether your daughter is adopted, whether your previous spouse was a man or woman... The characters themselves are wonderfully-developed and three-dimensional. There are also many Dad Jokes. Also, Damian is best dad.
13. Gone Home by Fullbright is another game that is often talked about in LGBTQ circles. It’s an exploration game where you return home to an empty house and learn by going through different rooms, reading letters, and finding items, the story of your character’s family, particularly your sister. I love games that force you to explore and work for the whole storyline, because it feels so much more fulfilling when it all plays out. Gone Home does this brilliantly! I will say that it’s a short game for the price, so I’d recommend waiting for a sale.
14. Life is Strange by DONTNOD Entertainment is one of the greatest games I have ever played, period. I will never be able to say enough good things about it. You play as Max Caulfield, a photographer who has recently moved back to her hometown to attend the prestigious Blackwell Academy. There, she reunites with her estranged best friend, Chloe Price, falls into a mystery surrounding a missing student, and learns that she has the ability to rewind time. It’s a game where choices in the first episode will impact what happens in the fifth. All of the characters are memorable. You will absolutely fall in love with Arcadia Bay and get sucked into the mystery surrounding it. I played this game over the course of three days when I first bought it, because I just couldn’t stop. It remains one of the most emotional experiences I’ve ever had. As for LGBTQ aspects, both Max and Chloe are bisexual, and you can play Max as having feelings for Chloe and/or her friend Warren.
15. miraclr- Divine Dating Sim by Woodsy Studio is a fun little game about falling in love with an angel via group chat. Your character has been chosen to communicate with the seraphim (and Lucifer) concerning the implementation of the first miracle Earth has seen in ages. Most of the game involves chatting with the angels, deciding on a miracle, and entering private group chats to develop your relationship with the angels. You get to choose your pronouns, and Gabriel goes by they/them pronouns. I’ve only played one route, but it was pretty cute! The one annoying aspect is the fact that it’s modeled after a mobile game and sets chats for certain times. You can easily bypass that, however, by choosing to power through or rewind.
16. Nekojishi by Team Nekojishi is...a mixed bag, if I’m going to be honest. The likeability of the characters fluctuates a lot, and the True Ending had A LOT of issues for me. Still, I played the thing for nine whole hours! It’s a game about Liao, a college student and aspiring dancer whose third eye is suddenly opened, giving him the ability to see gods and spirits. Among these spirits are Guardian Tiger, a family guardian spirit who wants Liao to return to his family’s temple and use his abilities there, Clouded Leopard, who wants Liao to become a go-between for him and his worshipers, and Leopard Cat, who has possessed one of Liao’s classmates in order to convince him to create a temple for an earth god he’s connected to. Obviously, Liao isn’t so keen to abandon his own life in order to fulfill any of these wishes, but the spirits decide to remain by his side until he makes a choice. You can romance one or all of the characters, leading to different endings which, again, vary in quality. Still, the art and music are great, there are many tidbits on Taiwanese folklore, and it’s free! If you’re into gay beastmen and folklore, this is a good game to check out.
17. Night in the Woods by Infinite Fall is another game that played with my emotions. Like, it got so real, I needed to take frequent breaks during my first playthrough. You play as Mae Borowski, a college dropout returning to her hometown for reasons unknown to the player for most of the game. Falling into her former, aimless life, Mae reconnects with her friends while learning of the darker secrets of Possum Springs. Mae is pansexual, and two of her friends, Gregg and Angus, are in a relationship that is further explored if you choose to get closer to Gregg over the course of the game. This game delves into heavy subjects like depression, helplessness, the slow death of a town, and growing apart from the people you once knew.
18. I’m ending this list with a game everyone should know about: Stardew Valley by Concerned Ape. This is the peak of all farming simulation games! You play as a character who inherits a farm from their grandfather and moves there to escape their meaningless office job. Once there, you can develop your farm, fight monsters, explore, and befriend the townsfolk. Whether you play as a male or female, the romance options are all open. You can marry, have kids, and raise a family together. All of the characters have great events, but my favorite has to be my goth boi Sebastian.
Phew... Remind me not to let this go for nine days again. That took awhile... Anyway, I hope you find something you like. See you tomorrow!
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comicteaparty · 4 years
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May 25th-May 31st, 2020 CTP Archive
The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from May 25th, 2020 to May 31st, 2020.  The chat focused on Meet and Greet by 91burrow.
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Comic Tea Party
BOOK CLUB START!
Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Meet and Greet by 91burrow~! (https://tapas.io/series/Meet-and-Greet)
You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until May 31st, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!
DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1
1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?
2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?
3. Who is your favorite character?
4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?
5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!
6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?
7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?
8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?
Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!
sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)
First of all, this art is gorgeous! The monochrome green palette is really working for me, and it's taking my breath away. This comic has such a distinctive style and visual appeal that is very well done.
carcarchu
This comic has a lovely whimsical surrealness and the foliage all looks so lush. the shade of green chosen was really nice, it feels really calming and relaxing to read. I really love how the world building expands a little more with each subsequent chapter it makes me look forward to reading each new chapter. I think my favourite illustration is from chapter 23, those red roses juxtaposed against the green make for a really gorgeous image, though it's really hard to decide because each panel from this comic looks like it belongs in an art gallery
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
This is such a cute comic!!! My favorite character in the comic is Mister Bear. He's just such a big, lumbering doofus :p https://tapas.io/episode/776319 https://tapas.io/episode/1731912
Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)
Ooh, yes, this is lovely.
Single favorite image: the splash panel in #35 where the thunder angel (?) appears. The lighting is so dramatic and effective, and the contrast with the usual cute soft environment makes it stand out really well.
RebelVampire
In terms of both the beginning and overall content, I just like how whimsical the story is. There's always a bit of magic mixed with a bit of a happy ending. And it's just one of those comic's that's a genuine feel good experience and is one of the rare comic's that is kind of for everyone in its own way since its so light-hearted - can work for any situation that needs such comforts. My favorite moment in the comic was probably when they helped the snake prince. Since it was the rare strip where I was like "whoa whoa wait kids this is dangerous." But then it turns out okay and the snake prince was adorable all along. My favorite character is probably Lyn. I like just kind of how brave and forward Lyn is. A good role model. As for characters interacting, rather than a specific character, I like in general seeing the kids interacting with the various human(?) magic users. Mostly just cause I like seeing kind of that adult wisdom contrasted with that kid cute kindness. Makes you want to be a kid again. For the art, I really just in general like the linework. It's got that nice blend of being polished but also sketchy since not all the lines complete. I think that's what really helps add to the whimsy. As for a theme the comic explores, I kind of just like the general theme of being kind to others and that scary things don't need to be scary - you can fight them with kindness. Last for this first question batch, I think the comic's main strength is just, again, the whimsy. There actually aren't a lot of comic's where I really think they nail whimsy, so it's hard to put yourself in the character's shoes when they're wowed by something. I didn't have an issue with this comic, and I really felt like I was seeing child wonderment through their eyes.
Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]
Very sweet story, simple and has a wholesome vibe to the themes overall. I enjoy reading each new character they are introduced to, in each chapter. I like the encounter with the nature spirit and the kids had to make 7 expressions to pass. I think the strength of the stories lies in the fantasy world build up with the nature, the character designs giving a sort of British fairytale approach to the story? Fun little story, I enjoy it(edited)
Comic Tea Party
DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2
9. In what ways do you feel the comic captures the fairy tale vibe given many of the stories are inspired by fairy tales? In what ways does this comic modernize those tales for a new audience, and why is this important?
10. What aspect of the strange world John and Lyn live in is your favorite? What aspect are you hoping to learn more about? Also, in what ways do you think the world captures the feeling of “whimsy?”
11. What do you think the comic shows us in terms of the themes of communication? What moment showcases this the best for you, and how do you think this comic is unique in how it tackles them?
12. How do the protagonists being children affect how you perceive the story? Do you think you’d think differently of the comic if the characters were adults? Lastly, what about having children as the main characters enhances the stories of the comic?
Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!
RebelVampire
Most fairy tales were originally created to deliver some sort of moral about living a "virtuous" life. And while what constitutes a virtuous life has evolved since most fairy tales were created (and differs by their opinion), that is still generally their function. As such, modernizing such tales really kind of helps guide a new generation into what we hope would be a better life. As for what the comic does to capture the fairy tale vibe, besides the atmosphere, for me is just kind of...the non-logic. Fairy tales don't always have strict rules in their worlds, and there's always random things happening, loop holes, etc. And that's kind of feel I got from the comic - anything can happen, and that's a good thing since that's what helps make it whimsical. I've gone on and on about whimsy. My favorite aspect of the world though is just kind of how many different kinds of creatures and people are all living in the same place. I do wish I had a better sense of geography sometimes, but that doesn't really matter since there's just so much creativity and variety. In terms of the themes of communication, I think the comic honestly just shows us its important and that without communication, life sucks. Additionally, I think the comic also shows us that we need to be kind in our communication. I can't really point to a particular moment out since I kind of think its really the whole comic that embodies the theme and each episode in it showcases that in its own way.
For me I think the fact this is children helped add kind of both to the whimsy and suspense of disbelief. When it's adult characters you expect adults to kind of be...well more logical. And to call bs when something doesn't make sense. But because the protags are children in this case, since they don't question anything, I don't question anything, since kids are a bit dreamy. And this makes it easier to get into the setting and just accept everything at face value and enjoy what's being presented.
Comic Tea Party
DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3
13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?
14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?
Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!
RebelVampire
I most looking forward to just exploring more of the comic's world since I think the comic is largely about that experience. This is a wonderful comic, and honestly one I'd recommend to see in a library since it'd be perfect for kids.
Comic Tea Party
BOOK CLUB END!
Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Meet and Greet this week! Please also give a special thank you to 91burrow for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Meet and Greet, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!
Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/Meet-and-Greet
91burrow’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/91burrow
91burrow’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A057788
91burrow’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/91burrow
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365daysofsasuhina · 5 years
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[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Fifty-Four: Advanced ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Suigin Ryū ] [ SasuHina, blood ] [ Verse: Oil and Blood ] [ AO3 Link ]
She still can’t believe she’s doing this. One minute, Hyūga Hinata is taking what she had hoped would be a quick walk to clear her mind so she can get some sleep. The next, she’s stumbling across a man in an alleyway, beaten and robbed of his mods. And now, she’s hauling him a few blocks from where she found him in an effort to get him to a medical clinic: one for both biological, and technological aspects of humanity.
So much for getting to work on time in the morning…
But then again, work is the only reason she knows where to go. Given her position in claims for mods insurance, Hinata has grown...acquainted with this particular place for those she can’t help professionally. This place works...under the radar. Under the table. Not entirely legal once you look a bit under the surface.
Which is exactly why Hinata is dragging an Uchiha through alleyways to the building she has in mind. It’s probably his only chance. His family are almost all notorious yakuza. If she took him to a typical hospital, he’d just get thrown in a cell and probably left there.
Laws are a bit...finicky when it comes to people like him.
So, instead, she’s ignoring every instinct screaming at her to leave him and go home, pretend this never happened.
As if the gods are laughing at her (if there are even any gods left, given how far man has strayed from nature now), it even starts to rain.
Wonderful.
Thankfully, they’re only a block down when it starts pouring, Hinata struggling to keep the man upright while sparing a hand to knock at the rear door.
The door for...less than legal help.
“H...hello?” she calls, trying not to be too obvious. “Is a-anyone here?”
Silence reigns for about a minute, Hinata starting to feel the effect of this guy’s weight on her. His head is hanging, no longer having the energy to keep himself upright. Not that she blames him...looks like he was put through the wringer pretty well.
As she studies him, she can hear a series of locks releasing, looking back at the door just in time to see it swing open. Beyond is the typical doctor she communicates with for the clients she can’t help herself. “S...sorry. I, uh...have a bit of an emergency?”
Eyes widening, the practitioner wastes no time. “Here, let me help you - poor thing, caught out in the rain of all times -” Taking his other side, the woman helps heft him past the door, which swings shut of its own accord...and locks without prompting.
Here, in the rear end of the building, are the spaces reserved for those a bit beneath the law. Illegal mods are a booming business, after all...and someone has to take care of them. One man is asleep on a cot, curtain pulled closed by the doctor before she helps lay the Uchiha atop another.
“Goodness...quite the specimen you’ve found yourself, Hyūga-san,” she murmurs, gesturing for Hinata to sit as she starts examining the patient. As if knowing it would be there, she checks his collarbone for the tomoe crest Hinata already spotted. “An Uchiha...of course. I swear I’ve had half your lot through my door at one point or another,” she mutters. Practiced hands make quick work of his shirt, Hinata squeaking shyly and turning aside as she gets into the nitty gritty.
“Let’s see...bruising over the abdomen, might have some bruising on the ribs, but nothing seems broken.” With a mod of her own, the physician hovers a hand over his chest. As a light shines from her palm, a holographic rendering comes up from a screen along the top, displaying a real-time image of the bones. “...no...no cracks or breaks. Lucky,” she chides. Looking over the rest of him, she finds no skeletal damage. “You’re going to be sore, and purple as eggplant in a few places, but you’re not about to die.”
“His mods, are they…?”
Gently lifting the remaining stump of his left arm, she scans it with practiced, biological eyes. “Let’s see...fitting is a model seventy-four G. Fairly new, about six months out of date. Newest models are already into the seventy-sevens. Which means he’ll need an arm no older than a seventy-three J...I’ll have to check my inventory. Now...the more pressing matter is his eye.”
As she goes to turn his head, the man bats her hand aside, teeth gritting. “Don’t touch me…”
“Uchiha-san, you’re in good hands. Your fitting looks damaged. I need to see if I can repair it. If it needs replacing, I’ll -”
“Just...give me a minute to rest. I’ll be fine.”
“B-but…” Hinata murmurs, brows wilted in worry. “You’re in...very poor shape, Uchiha-san…”
“I’ve had worse. I don’t need you both fawning over me…” His words curl up with a grunt, muscles tensing against a wave of pain.
The doctor’s nostrils flare, expression set. “You have a damaged eye fitting. It’s bleeding. Infections in that area are unacceptable. Now, you can lie here and be patient...or I can knock you out and work in peace while you sleep. Up to you.”
For a long moment, he eyes her warily, seeming to weigh his odds. But when she makes a display of electricity between her fingers, he sighs and relents, going slack against the cot. “...just be quick.”
“I’ll work as fast as you’ll let me,” is her retort, moving to examine his eye socket.
“Um...do you want me to stay, or…?” Hinata fidgets. She really should get home and try to sleep...she has work first thing, and her supervisor isn’t very allowing…
“You can go, Hyūga-san,” the doctor replies, giving her a glance with a tired smile. “I’ll contact you in the morning. Odds are, he isn’t going anywhere for a few days.”
“You can’t -!”
“Hush,” she retorts, giving him a look as he struggles. “I told you, I’ve worked on your lot before. I can contact someone and let them know where you are. Until you’re stable, you need to stay here, rest, and let me get you back into working order. Now, what model was your eye?”
“...Rinnegan.”
That makes her own widen. “...you lot sure like your advanced tech - no wonder someone stole it,” is all she comments still working. Glancing back to Hinata, she nods. “You can head out the back door. I’ll call you in the morning. If he’s still here, you can check on him after work. I know you’ll worry, otherwise.”
Sheepish pink brightens Hinata’s cheeks. “...thank you. And...sorry for the late call…”
“Ah, don’t worry about it. I’m up late most nights working on owed repairs for dropped off mods. Consider this a nice change of pace.”
Still unsure, Hinata nonetheless takes her leave, jogging back through the rain. Well...that was a lot more than she bargained for, but...at least he seems to be in good hands. Apparently this woman’s seen Uchiha before...Hinata shouldn’t be surprised. There are, to her knowledge, only a handful of underground mod specialists. And most pick sides when it comes to the turf wars. Apparently this one tends to side with the Uchiha.
She makes a mental note never to bring her a Senju.
Once back in her apartment, Hinata crashes face-down atop her bed with a sigh. Part of her knows she definitely won’t sleep now...not with that man to worry about. She never even asked his name...but his attitude suggests he probably wouldn’t tell her anyway…
Still, she needs to at least rest, so she crawls into bed, mind wide awake.
Work is going to suck...but that’s what coffee is for.
Come morning, she goes about her routine, feet dragging. But a quiet ring in her ear reminds her of the doc’s promise to call with an update. “H-hello?”
“Hyūga-san, it’s me. Just wanted to let you know the Uchiha’s doing fine. I need to replace his eye mod socket, but otherwise he just needs bed rest. I got ahold of his brother and assured him Sasuke’s in good hands.”
“Sasuke…?”
“His name. Or at least, what he gave me. Might be an alias, but he was a bit too groggy to think much, so I’d wager it’s the truth. Anyway, you should swing by after work if you can. I’ll be done with the surgery by then. He might still be under, but I’m sure you’ll feel better seeing him back in...well, not quite one piece, but not quite so rough.”
“I understand...and thank you again. Really, I -”
“No need for thanks. I’ll be well-compensated, believe me. I have good enough rep with the Uchiha by now, they trust my work...and make sure I’m well paid for it, and my loyalty. If anything, I should thank you for the business.”
Hinata gives a quiet scoff. “All right then. I’ll s-see you later.”
“Mhm.”
Work drags on even worse than usual. Hinata rarely has something to look forward to after, and it makes each droning call even more unbearable. But thankfully nothing is too out of the ordinary, and she’s walking briskly back just after five.
This time she enters the front door, hearing the mechanized chime. The waiting room is oddly empty, only a few patients within. Side activities aside, this one does good work, and Hinata is usually hard-pressed to get anyone in during regular business hours.
“Ah, there you are! Come on back - he’s all done,” the doctor calls, letting Hinata through the lobby door. Her hands wring, a bit nervous.
“Don’t worry, he’s still out. He might rouse a bit, but he’ll be rather delirious for another thirty minutes or so. I plan to keep him overnight and release him back to his brother tomorrow when he gets here.”
“So soon?”
“Yeah...the worst of it’s about over - mostly I’m just waiting for a contact to get here with replacement parts. His arm is pretty simple, but getting my hands on another Rinnegan eye model won’t be easy. Other than that, he just needs to rest. And he can do that at home rather than take up one of my cots.”
Hinata nods. That makes sense...besides, he’ll likely be more comfortable at home. “I feel like I owe you, I -”
“No, none of that. The Uchiha will more than repay me. You did your part by bringing him here. If anything I owe you,” the physician teases with a small smile. “Now, go say hi - I’ve still got a few more patients to see before six.”
“Okay.” Left in the back room, Hinata notices that the occupied cot from the night before is now empty. Feeling a bit intrusive, she steps up beside Sasuke’s bed.
True to her companion’s word, he’s still asleep, and he looks so...different. Not nearly as exhausted, but still rough...yet far less grumpy. He’s been all cleaned up of blood, and changed into proper hospital attire. His eye socket is still empty, as well as his arm, but both are in good shape. New, shining metal glints in his face where the mod implant sits.
Done nosily observing, Hinata sits beside him...only to jump as he shifts.
“...back again?” he rumbles, tone dragging with exhaustion.
“I...w-wanted to be sure you were all right, Uchiha-san.”
“Told you, m’fine,” he retorts again, but there’s not nearly the bite to his tone this time. He just sounds a bit...exasperated. “Bunch of fuss over a bit of a bruising…”
“But...Suigin-san said you needed a new eye fitting…?”
“Tch...it was just a little bent...coulda salvaged it. She just wants more money…”
“I doubt that. M-most of her profits go right back into funding the people who can’t afford their care. She even lives in this building to cut costs.”
That earns a glance. “...you friends?”
“...sort of, I...I guess.”
“She called you...Hyūga?”
“Mhm.”
She can see the recognition in his eyes, but thankfully he doesn’t press it. “...well...for what it’s worth...thanks for dragging my ass out of the gutter.”
His blunt wording makes her jump. “I...I couldn’t just leave you there!”
“You also dragged me here...didn’t have to. A bit stupid, though...I could’ve hurt you.”
“...I doubt that. You could barely stand, and your m-mods are gone.”
He snorts. “...or the bastard who beat me could’ve come back.”
“...well, you’re here now. And you’re going to be fine, so...that’s a-all that matters.”
He considers her for a time, head turned to see her with his remaining eye. “...fair enough. But I don’t like owing people, so...you’ll get compensated, either way.”
“Oh, I-I don’t -”
“No arguing. Fair’s fair, Hyūga. And no one tells me no.”
Sighing lightly, she doesn’t argue.
“...well...no offense, but...m’not exactly in a talking sort of mood, so…”
“Oh, t-that’s fine. I just...wanted to check on you. Suigin-san says you’ll get replacements by tomorrow morning, and...you can go home.”
“Mhm. Aniki’s going to chew my ass out…” Sasuke sighs. “...could be worse. Could be dead.”
“Y...yes. That’s true.”
“Eh, I’ll deal with him...later. Until later, Hyūga. You remember what I said. And next time you find some cretin in an alleyway...leave him there, all right?”
“I’m not sure I could.”
“...well, leave him if he’s a Senju.”
Sighing again, Hinata doesn’t reply, just standing with a hint of a weary smile. “...I hope you have a s-speedy recovery, Uchiha-san.”
“Hn...I’ll try. Get along home before more trouble finds you, huh?”
“...all right.” Giving a small bow, Hinata heads back out through the lobby, finding it now empty. Walking home a bit slowly, she has to wonder how an Uchiha is going to pay her back. She doesn’t exactly need anything...and what on earth could a member of the yakuza have to give her?
...he might just be the trouble he’s warning her about.
                                                           .oOo.
     (This is a direct sequel to day 250, if you'd like a little more context!)      Anywho, more cyberpunk universe! Featuring an OC of mine cuz...well, I wanted to, honestly xD This verse is...very quickly growing on me lol - it's a neat twist on typical Naruto powers and abilities! Hopefully I'll get to do some more soon if another prompt fits! Poor Hinata...something tells me this little act of charity is going to lead to even more disruptions.      Buuut on that note, it's late, I'm sleepy, and I better call it a night. Thanks for reading!
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onimiman · 5 years
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My Favorite Episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation (by whichever character is central to the episode)
Having completed my five-month watch of 1987 to 1994′s Star Trek: The Next Generation, I have decided that, in lieu of providing a typical top 10 and bottom 10 favorite episodes of the series, I would list and explain my favorite and least favorite episodes based on whoever among the main cast is the central character of that episode. So here we go for the episodes of this show I liked best.
For Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Chain of Command: Part II - This is probably Patrick Stewart’s finest hour of acting throughout the series; here, we see how much of an emotionally arresting performance he can give as Captain Picard is stripped (both literally and figuratively) of his dignity and tortured by Cardassia Gul Madrid (also played wonderfully by David Warner) simply because of Madrid’s desire to dominate his subject. At first, when I was watching the episode, I was confused as to why the Gul was still torturing Picard when the beginning of this ep made it clear that Picard really knew nothing that the Cardassians wanted; but after watching sfdebris’s review of this episode and learning that this is nothing more than for Madrid to basically conquer Picard’s mind for a petty sense of victory, it really seals the horror of what Picard goes through here. I was also fascinated at how Madrid’s torture techniques included actually trying to play to Picard’s sense of empathy in a really bizarre way; and it’s a testament to Picard’s character that, even though he already ratted Dr. Crusher and Worf out in the very first scene, he refused to have his mind broken (even though he was damn close to the edge). The episode’s subplot aboard the Enterprise with Captain Jellico was great, too, and in spite of Jellico being kind of a prick, he was also a very understandable character in both this episode and its predecessor. Overall, a fantastic episode that makes me wonder if Q had been watching with any degree of sympathy over Picard’s plight.
For Lieutenant-Commander Data: Brothers - Just as Patrick Stewart managed to really flex his acting muscles in the episode discussed above, Brent Spiner really does a great job at playing not only Data, but also Dr. Soong and especially Lore. This episode is a great character piece for Data and hints that he may very well grow in a way even if he were to never install that emotion chip into his positronic net. Moreover, Lore, as evil as he is, does display aspects of humanity that Data would no doubt want to achieve and it gives him a three-dimensionality that was previously absent in “Datalore” and later in both parts of “Descent.” Soong was also portrayed well as a brilliant but curmudgeon of a man who still had a shred of humanity in him, and with all of these character interactions played brilliantly by one man, “Brothers” proves to be one of Data’s finest hours in this show, and that’s in spite of a mediocre subplot involving those kids aboard the Enterprise.
For Commander William T. Riker: The Pegasus - Throughout most of this show, Commander Will Riker has consistently been portrayed as the model Starfleet officer, even in spite of some unorthodox methods of disobeying some pre-Picard commanders of his. However, this episode shows Riker in an interesting state of vulnerability that we’ve never seen from him before; while “Frame of Mind” had tortured Riker psychologically, it felt like an episode that, quite frankly, could have happened to anyone aboard the Enterprise. But this episode tests Riker as a Starfleet officer as he’s divided between his present loyalty to Picard and his holdover loyalty to Admiral Pressman that threatens not only Riker’s career and sense of duty, but also to the Federation’s integrity as a galactic organization. It scratches away at the facade of Riker being the ideal officer and shows that even he can fall prey to uncertainty.
For Counselor Deanna Troi: Face of the Enemy - It’s fascinating to see how someone who can be as calm and understanding as Counselor Troi is unexpectedly thrust into a situation where she has to pretend to be a ruthless member of the Romulan Tal’Shiar, if only just to preserve her own life. It’s nice to see Marina Sirtis go beyond the understanding near-whisper of Counselor Troi, especially in an ep like this. 
For Lieutenant-Commander Geordi LaForge: Interface - It was a little difficult to find an episode that I think fit LaForge best, but I liked this one the most. It was interesting to see how Geordi, much like Counselor Troi, had turned from one of the most levelheaded members of the Enterprise crew to someone who was determined to rescue whom he thought to be his mother. Yet I appreciated that even after he realized that the alien who was fooling him into believing that he was speaking to his mother, he was still willing to save that alien and its kind from certain death; it really shows what kind of good guy LaForge can be.
For Lieutenant Worf: Parallels - Of all the Worf-centric episodes, this one is probably the most unique among them because it has virtually nothing to do with his Klingon heritage. Instead, we see him in this trippy quantum time travel story where we see the Enterprise in various outcomes, not the least of which is a reality where the Borg weren’t defeated at Earth during the events of “The Best of Both Worlds.” But aside from being unique, this episode is great at building up through minute subtleties that Worf can’t help but notice before reality starts to become so drastically different that it may very well collapse in on itself. So it was nice to see Worf have to handle this kind of situation without having to be defined by the fact that he’s a Klingon like in every other ep that was focused on him.
For Dr. Beverly Crusher: Remember Me - Similar to “Parallels,” the episode does a good job at building up from minute subtleties. What starts off as a mystery of one missing man has Dr. Crusher start to question her sanity as more and more people aboard the Enterprise start to disappear until it’s just her. The ending did have a great deal of tension as Crusher realized that the universe itself was collapsing around her and she had to run for that mysterious white glowy thing that appears every now and then that tries to suck her in. Good episode and good performance from Gates McFadden. 
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