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#the amount of gith that love themselves some gale
chaoticbardlady99 · 6 months
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HI FIRST OF ALL LOVE YOUR WRITING second of all ! kind of specific but may I request an astarion x reader/tav where like. 90% of their time with the companions reader/tav hasn’t been able to see all that well- like. they can see colors and sort-of shapes but most details are completely incomprehensible, and through some method or another (probably someone’s attempt at “removing the tadpole” or smthn but up to you!) they’re finally able to see clearly and they’re just. completely amazed because EVERYTHING (astarion) is so beautiful actually??
Like Nothing I’ve Seen (Astarion x GN! reader)
CW- Mentions of gore and violence (due to Volo being a socially incompetent goofball) , self-esteem issues because I’m an insecure queen myself and like to deal with my feelings through my OCs
I tried to write a body neutral reader as well so everyone can imagine themselves in this story! I hope I was able to pull that off.
Title inspired by the song “Beautiful Things” by Grayscale
Hello! I am so sorry this took so long. Work has been kicking my whole ass lately!!!
This has not be thoroughly proof read so I may make changes as I find them, but I was too excited to post it! I hope you enjoy!
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Being a monk is hypothetically supposed to help your pain tolerance- ya know, zen and shit.
Except, you quickly learn that a crossbow bolt to the eyeball is enough to break your zen.
Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s fighting quickly subsides as you stare at the two blobs out of your (now) one only good eye- good being a stretch. Admittedly, of all the people this could have happened to, it’s probably a good thing it was you since your eyes don’t really work anyway.
The purple, silver, and black blob (who you have come to know as ‘Shadowheart’) comes running towards you, her movements frantic as she begins to try to bandage your eye. You wince as she starts to remove the crossbow bolt.
“I am so sorry,” Shadowheart says, the distress evident in her voice, “if only that gith would stop being such a problem.”
Shadowheart practically screamed the last bit, but at least you are in too much pain for the shrill sound of her voice to bother you. You never wanted to find out if eyeballs could throb- you missed the hours before breakfast when you were blissfully ignorant to the true capabilities of your eyeballs.
The hostile green ball, Lae’zel, comes charging over with an insult sitting on the tip of her tongue before another blob knocks her aside.
“Walk it off Lae’zel,” you hear Karlach say with heavy amounts of exasperation.
Lae’zel grumbles as she storms off; Shadowheart continues to slowly work on you as you wince, whimper, and feel the tears start to fall.
“What did you do?!”
The rage in his voice rattles your bones- if tones could kill, Shadowheart would have keeled over. The radiant blob of your lover is in Shadowheart’s face (at least you hope it’s her face).
“Fangs, put them away!”
“Oh? Were you this anal when they were SHOOTING CROSSBOWS KARLACH?!”
You are beginning to feel dizzy and the yelling isn’t helping. Shadowheart, Karlach, and Astarion are arguing relentlessly- Karlach attempting to mediate. At some point Gale and Wyll join the mix- you think they are trying to hold back Astarion, but you aren’t sure.
In all the chaos, you are unaware of Volo coming up behind you- a solution brewing in his brains.
“Don’t worry my friend,” He explains with gusto, “I can fix this!”
Before anyone can protest, Volo rips the bolt out- your eyeball coming out with it before Volo plops a spherical object in your lap.
“Tada!”
The blood curdling scream that rips through your throat as you clutch at your eye socket surprises even you. In the midst of the white, hot pain- you hear Volo running off , also screaming, away from what you think is Astarion.
You feel Shadowheart grab the spherical object from your lap as Karlach holds you down on the ground.
“Sorry Soldier, but this is probably going to hurt.”
Oh and it hurts.
Shadowheart is wiggling the eye roughly into your eye socket, apologizing the entire time. You feel your socket form around the new eye. The pain from the removal and the new addition begins to subside into a dull ache as the new eyeball makes itself at home in your head- healing energy radiating from it and Shadowheart’s palm.
You feel like you are going to throw up, pass out, or go into a fit of hysteria by the time you start trying to blink your eyes open. You stare down at the grass below you and watch as a red bug with black spots walks along one of the blades before taking flight.
You freeze- the world is definitely not blobbish anymore. You run your fingers through the soft, green grass.
Has it always looked this way?
“How is the new eye?” Shadowheart says nervously.
You look over at her and try to stifle your shock.
Shadowheart is stunning and Karlach is just as awe inspiring as Shadowheart.
“Are you okay, Soldier?”
Sometimes you forget that your companions don’t know about your vision issues. You are able to hide your vision deficit well due to your years of training as a monk teaching you how to rely heavily on your other senses and the energy in the air.
You have come to adore all of your companions for their personalities, their laughs- Astarion especially. However, now you understand why perfect strangers come up to your companions with enamored voices.
“You catch him, Fangs?” Karlach says in a teasing town.
You hear Astarion scowl, “the bastard ran off and disappeared before I could even get near him.”
Astarion appears out from the corner of your eye and kneels in front of you. You try so hard to keep the surprise and adoration from showing on your face. His eyes bore into yours with an emotion that is not recognizable. A tick of frustration flares in your mind- now you have to learn an entirely new set of rules for social interaction.
Except, you’ll deal with that later. For now, you have a literal God kneeling in front of you, his hand cupping your cheek and surveying your new eye.
Gods he’s incredible.
“You’re beautiful,” you whisper involuntarily.
As the blush spreads along your cheeks, Astarion breaks out in a bright, beautiful smile.
“Well that settles it, your vision is working just fine!”
He gives you a quick kiss on your lips- your face feels like it’s on fire.
It has been a little over a week since the tiefling party. He had been distant with you initially after your midnight tryst and you had felt quite broken over it. Well- until you had been spending time with Gale at the campfire talking about the Monastery you grew up in and his experiences with the weave. Astarion had barged into the conversation, sat down next to you, and had practically pulled you into his lap next to the campfire. After that night, you’ve become inseparable- sleeping in each other’s tents, more midnight trysts, cuddling, spending the whole night talking or playing games. You spend alone time with your other companions- he would never control you or dictate who you spend time with. He would spy on you and Gale, but he would never prevent you from talking to him.
“No my dear, I trust you. I just don’t trust the boot muncher.”
“You really need to stop saying that,” your serious demeanor cracking, “he doesn’t actually eat the boots.”
He snickered, “oh ya? Then why have we never seen them after he absorbs them? And yet everyone judges my feeding habits!”
Astarion helps you up off the ground and you are dizzy from all the new stimuli around you. His hands find purchase on your hips as he helps steady you. You take advantage of the support and look around your camp.
It all looked exactly how you did and did not imagine. Your brain feels like it’s having a war between what your senses tell you about the land versus what your eyes are saying. You can label everything in the camp because you know where it is based on location, but none of it looks like the way you had anticipated- in fact, it was all far more breathtaking than you imagined.
“What are you thinking about Darling,” he whispers against your ear.
A pleasant shiver runs down your spine, a smile consuming your face.
“I was thinking it might be fun to go explore around camp and make sure my eye is really working.”
He stares at you with an unreadable expression, “I’m sure the environment and your sight hasn’t changed that much?”
Ah, that look means confusion.
“Don’t be such a pessimist,” you put your hand on your hip and flash a grin, “besides, it’s not like I asked you to go with me.”
*******************************************
Astarion walks leisurely behind you as you make a point of touching anything you can reach. He thought you were the most normal one at camp (mentally at the very least), but he is beginning to think he misjudged you.
You are twirling around the forest like you’ve never been in one before. You ask him questions about specific objects and express a great deal of interest in everything you come across- you even find the rocks interesting. While he did find the strangeness to be odd, he still couldn’t help but relish in the genuine, innocent joy on your face. Astarion feels an unfamiliar warmth spread throughout his body while he watches you as you bound around the forest floor.
Astarion is slowly recognizing that his plan is unraveling, but only a little bit. He had thought you would be the lovesick puppy chasing him around camp, but, as Karlach has pointed out to him, it’s the opposite.
He finds himself always making an inventory of where you are in relation to him, who you are talking to, and your feelings- even the ones he is currently disrespecting by attempting to gain your undying protection.
Now Astarion is here- watching you follow a bumble bee towards a large Oak tree.
As you stop and make a point of sitting down under a tree, you touch the various flowers scattered in the grass and excitedly chat about the details of the flower. Astarion silently sits next to you with a smile and takes a look at your face- you look like a blind man seeing for the first time. The realization hits him like an eldritch blast.
“Darling?”
You hum.
“Have you not been able to see until today?”
Astarion watches as you tense up and your eyes meet his. Astarion struggles to discern the look in your eyes- it’s somewhere between fear and apprehension. He offers you a small smile before you break eye contact with a sigh.
“I, um, was sick as a baby. My mom left me outside of a monastery. I guess whatever I was sick with attacked my vision so I could only really see colors and the basic outlines of the things,” Astarion looks at you as if to encourage you to go on so you continue, “it’s never affected me though. The monks taught me how to use my other senses and taught me how to sense energy in the air.”
Astarion is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that a. He was right and b. You slept with him without knowing what he looks like? C. You are easily the second strongest in your little gang of weirdos and the entire time you could barely see.
“So when you told me I was beautiful last week?”
You blush and hide your soft grin. He hears your heart begin to race.
“I really did mean it then,” you pause,” but it’s a different kind of beautiful. I think you are a very good person- I just adore you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality- even the snarky bits. Or when you are at your absolute worst.”
You pause and give him a joking smile, “You are a real pain in the ass though. I didn’t know why everyone is so enamored with you, but now I can see why all those tiefling women kept flirting with you at the party now though.”
He tries to hide the frown that threatens to reveal itself and he sees the panic flash in your eyes.
“Not that I’m saying you are nothing but your looks because that is not true,” you bite your lip, “I just know I came to like you for who you are on the inside and that was…. Quite the experience.”
“Are you suggesting I’m an acquired taste?!”
“Hmmm,” you tap your chin, “ I suppose that is exactly what I’m saying.”
“I am truly heartbroken darling, I thought we had something special.”
He huffs playfully and pretends to be upset- ignoring the butterflies in his stomach. Astarion’s heart clenches as you look at him with the same warmth he is feeling. You break eye contact from him and he can’t help but feel disappointed.
“We do, you’re just lucky I’m a monk and I’ve been forced to practice patience my whole life.”
Astarion is lost for words as he turns over what you just said in his head. You scratch the back of your neck and start talking again.
“And not to mention, you deserve someone who is going to take the time to know you for you- not just adore you for what you look like. You are really one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met Star.”
We do. Incredible. Star.
His body feels like it might explode from the chaos of emotions spirals through his body. He thinks maybe the effects of the tadpole are wearing off because he feels like he is burning alive. He fights the urge to take you right there in the flowers.
A couple minutes later, you look up at him again- that same fear in your eyes, but also some hope. After you realize he isn’t going to say anything, you speak again.
“I am not entirely sure why you have gravitated towards me, but I really like you. I understand if you don’t feel the same way and we can just go back to being friends,” you pause, “and you won’t lose my protection. I still intend on helping you be free of Cazador once and for all.”
You look away from him, hands fiddling with the flowers. Astarion is still digesting everything you just said to him.
It wasn’t that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings (even if he refuses to admit he does), he just doesn’t… deserve someone like you.
He had always been under the assumption that monks were stuffy and by-the-book. You had taken him by complete surprise. You are slyly funny, have no problems with bending the rules if it means helping someone (he doesn’t care for the intent of bending the rules, but he likes bending the rules), and you are accepting. You aren’t neutral with your feelings unless you are trying to mediate an argument or make the best decision for the group.
He appreciates how blunt you are in private- he never has to try to guess what’s on your mind. You make him feel safe like no one else has for the last 200 years.
How could I not gravitate towards you?
It also occurs to him that you have never seen yourself- how your eyes twinkle when you smile or the dimples that grace your cheeks. You hadn’t even seen your body- the same body he was starstruck by and, despite the dissociation and icky feelings, he was able to enjoy the sex between you to some extent.
He gets up from his spot on the ground next to you- your shoulders slightly slumping in defeat.
“Oh stop being so dramatic darling,” he teasingly smiles at you, “get up- I have something to show you.”
***************************************
You blindly follow Astarion to his tent- you had asked him what he wanted to show you the entire walk back, but he refused to disclose that information.
Once you were in camp, Astarion had wrapped some cloth around your eyes before dragging you in the direction of his tent.
“Now you stay right here- don’t move a muscle.”
“Oh you mean like-“
He interrupts you by swatting your hand away from his curls. You pout playfully and he pulls you to his chest before kissing you deeply. You are shocked by his actions and his gasp of surprise tells you he is just as shocked too. You feel him pull back as you start to melt against him, your hands tangled in his hair. An impatient whine escapes your lips. He chuckles.
“No, no, no,” he says, “not yet. Now stay still or there’s no more kisses for you.”
“No more kisses!?”
“You heard me!”
You stay still- the threat is more than enough to convince you to stop. You can hear and sense Astarion rustling around the tent, placing various objects of different vibrations all around his tent. It feels like it takes eons as he readjusts and moves the objects around. Finally, Astarion hums with approval.
“Alright darling, you can take the blind fold off now.”
You take off your blindfold eagerly and your eyes adjust to the warm light in the tent. As you look around, you see that Astarion had set up every mirror he owns all around the tent.
Mirrors.
You stare back at who you can only presume to be yourself. You take in all your features- dissecting yourself. The longer you stare at yourself, the unhappier you become.
You know that Astarion’s intent is good (or you hope it is), but you can’t help the frown that takes place on your face. You are so plain in comparison to Astarion and everyone in camp. Why would he want to be with you when he could have someone as stunning as Shadowheart? Someone equally as interesting to look at?
“What’s wrong,” Astarion says with alarm in his voice.
You suddenly become aware of the hot tears running down your cheeks as Astarion cups your face with his hands. You shake your head, crying harder as he wipes your tears away.
“Darling, please.”
The desperation in his voice causes you to finally meet his eyes, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you can stop them.
“ I’m so plain looking,” you state with venom in your voice, “the rest of you are all beautiful in unique ways and I just look like everyone else.”
He scowls, shaking his head at you.
“That is not even slightly true.”
He twirls you around in his arms and has you facing the mirrors again. You have to remind myself that he is behind you still as you feel his fingers trace the details of your face (it would really ruin the moment if you elbowed him in the ribs).
“No one shines like you do. No one smiles like you or laughs like you- crinkles their eyes when they are happy like you. You are funny and intelligent; and by the Gods you are powerful. The fact that you have been fighting blind this whole time is absolutely incredible. You, darling, are a force of nature,” he puts his face in the crook of your neck, kissing the delicate skin, “I may say a lot of honeyed words, but I wouldn’t say them if they weren’t true.
“And, in all my 200 years of living, I must say, you are like no beauty I have ever seen before.”
You can’t help but smile brightly and you try to look at yourself the way he sees you. Maybe you can see the person he is referring to, but you just need more time to get used to actually seeing yourself. Maybe with time, you will be able to see how brightly you shine too- you’ll just have to work at it.
You smile at yourself softly and say a quiet you’re wonderful to yourself before looking away from the mirrors.
You turn around and give Astarion a soft, long kiss- he sighs into it, meeting your tempo until you pull away; Breathless like a fish out of water. He puts his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes.
“Thank you, Astarion- I think you shine too.”
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