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streaming-yn · 3 years

Note

(☁️)

HIIII it's 3 am and i'm trying to sleep but brain went brr with ideas n shit and oh well- thing is ; i was wondering if i could make my first request? (smth simple if u want to, no need to be very long or anything + pls don't rush nd take ur time AND don't feel pressured to actually do my request :] ! ) maybe smth ab faceless art streamer! y/n [they/them]?? (if u could add that the reader is like an indie game dev or works for smth like that u'd be sosososososo cool omg) with maybe quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki and/or jack?? idk brain did the storming and its all messy hsdnshhfjsjz (btw! i know it's a lot of CCs so feel free to remove some or do the ones ur only comfy with !!! take care nd stay safe !!! luv ya <3 (/p))

AS SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO GAME DESIGN, CHARACTER, AND PLOT DESIGN YOU BET I CAN MAKE THE READER AND INDIE GAME DEV (and aaaa ty for adding jack!!! I think he's really neat and not enough people acknowledge him :))!!)

Multiple x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pairings: quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki, jack manifold (separate) x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pronouns: they/them

other information on the reader:

. faceless

. knows how to code

. artist

. streams them drawing video game characters

. minor

. makes indie / horror games

form: headcanons

genre: platonic, fluff(??)

warnings: horror games / horror mods, ranboo enderwalk lore in his section

abbreviations: y/n -> your name

quackity

okay let's get the obvious out of the way; definitely going to be the type of person that's like "I'm going to play this game first after you're finished" yk? playfully ofc, n playfully fight with anyone who says the same thing (*cough* Wilbur, tommy, dream *cough*)

he probably wouldn't be on your art streams often – he doesn't really enjoy watching people draw, but he would want to see the finished pics

he would happily be on voice chat with you while you're drawing though!! :D

would be proud to answer any questions you have about character / scene / etc designs!!

"quackity!! so for this character – check your dms for a current picture – would red or purple antenna be better? also, two or four antenna?"

"*gasp* you're asking me?? 🥺" /j

"y'know what, nevermind, chat wh-"

"NO WAIT WAIT"

"so what do you think?"

also, if you do end up sending him the finished pics of the art he will hype you tf up !!!!

would try to get you make joke games – not like actually, it's just an ongoing bit between you two!

if you make a game for him – or give him a sneak peek of a game before anyone else he's going to freak out!! and he won't really know what to say bc putting feelings into words is hard

if y'all ever meet up and you're fine w hugs he's gonna give you a huge hug, hoping that makes up for the lack of words to describe how just,, proud of you he is bc he really really is!!

you're not even in your 20s yet and you can make video games, or help with them?? not to mention how creative you are with the characters and story line??? he's amazed by you

might actually cry /pos if you base a character off of him

like let's say a part of a puzzle is to get a rubber duck and place it into a pond to get the next hint or thing you need – only when he plays it on stream, he doesn't know anything about the game, so you're watching and waiting for him to get there

when he does get there – he finds out the duck has a beanie and has a white ring appear around it that flashes to life before fading out after picking it up, signifying it was the right thing to get

at first he doesn't really notice the ring, "oh! that animation is different than normal" he notes, but mainly focuses on the beanie, comparing it to himself before he glances at chat to see them freaking out over the planet duck reference

then he's just talking about it, shocked of course but flattered, and then you type in chat "you helped me a ton with things I couldn't decide during this game, I couldn't not add you! :)" everyone's just :(((( !!! /pos

overall supportive n proud, maybe a bit loud about games in progress, but just a really nice guy in general :)

tommy

he is ABSOLUTELY loud about your games in progress!! if you don't want something said you have to tell that to him before telling him or else he's going to brag about how cool it is the next time he streams

"chat!! chat, y/n is making this new game and they told me that one of the outfits you can collect for the player is going to be based off me!- right!! that sounds pog!!"

if he ever accidentally let's anything slip on stream that he was supposed to say, everyone who's a fan of you is just like "wow! suddenly! I cannot hear anymore!", sometimes they're like that even if it was okay to say

the just like being surprised :)

as for art streams, he'll try his best to tune in but obviously won't be there all the time! he's usually very active in chat too! likes being on call with you while you do art streams if you let him!

he once convinced you to make a texture pack and a shader (meant for both to be active at the same time), the fans loved it and a lot of them use it more often than the original!!

tommy however, not to much, proud of you bc that must've been a ton of work!! but at some time it slipped his mind that you make indie and horror games; I think we all know he doesn't do well with horror games

so you liking horror and such made the textures look more ominous and just make it look like and area you don't want to be in, and the spook goes up even more with the shader!! it's darker than usual, there's unusual fog, the portals look too dangerous now, so on and so forth yk

so,, tommy didn't use the texture pack for long;;

if you ever raid him after you're done streaming and he has a question, he's literally just gonna ask you on stream

"y/n raid? oh! are they still here?" when you confirm you're in chat, he continues "great! okay I had a question about your new game that's going to be available soon and how to download it-"

fans love how casual you guys are about game information, like you had to teach him how to export a game character he made on the website you usually make yours on (it was for a fun stream) and it was just a simple back and forth but everyone's like omg :((( omg them :((

also if you're the type of person to go insane over tiny details in other games, he will absolutely tease you for it

like you can just be going on and on about how this game had a sentence at the start that had a backhanded meaning by the end and he's just gonna call you a nerd (genuinely thinks is cool how much of the small things you notice in games though)

dream

COMPLAINING ABOUT CODING AND HOW HARD IT IS 🤝🤝

and if you took other coding classes hoping that I'd help with video game coding he'd just listen to you talk about it

"I actually took robotics for a while before because the school didn't have any video game coding classes and I was hoping it'd help either way" "oh?" "it,, it didn't help, it's so hard to code robots and considering how fast I caught onto video game code you think it'd be easier to understand the robot code" "yeah, that sounds reasonable" "NOPE,, WHY R THEY SO DIFFERENT I ALMOST FAILED" "D:"

fanartists like those moments, if one of those talks happen expect a bit of fanart of just dream and you chilling while you talk and he listens, the art always gives off comfy vibes n it's just cute :)

offering him to play a semi-rough draft of the demo so that he could see if it's good or what you needed to do to make it more enticing for the player

power duo fr fr o/

people like comparing y'all to hackers sometimes bc y'all know how to code???

you play into the bit with the fans though and honestly it's so fun !!!

fans: omg,, hackers (affectionate),,,

you next time you stream: hacker voice; I'm in

AND THEY GOT SHOCKED??? LIKE THEY FORGOT YOU CAN SEE THE STUFF THEY POST????

wouldn't be able to watch your art streams for long because he would get side tracked, the streams are just too under stimulating for his brain to focus on, but he'd hang around as long as he could though :)

would be glad to be on call with you while you're doing an art stream – though if he has is game sounds on you may occasionally have to repeat a question that was aimed at him

you're also in his streams when you can :)

also, you like sending donations to communicate rather than chat

one stream dream turned off his donos because you wouldn't stop giving him money 💀

being friends with such a popular creator and being a game creator yourself has it's downs as well

nothing thats too hard to deal with – the most common one is actually kinda funny – some people will slide in your dms acting like they're dream and just got locked out of his account, trying to get you to make them a game

like ??? do they think that dream would mssg you over Twitter or insta?? he has your phone number bro ,😭

also!!! when dream plays through new games you made he complements the small things and complements how hard something must've been to code :)

and I'm ngl, he kinda sucks with every game he plays at first but he's a quick learner so dw :)

would be glad to help if you're having a difficult time choosing between things too! except he'll answer right away without any teasing

"dreammm" "y/nnnn" "for this area should I do like shattered stone walls or mossy stone walls like with vines n stuff?" "depends on the vibe you want, shattered stone would give it a dangerous and uneasy undertone and mossy stone would be more of ominous, if that makes sense?" "oh! okay, thank youuu!!"

ofc if you didn't have a specific vibe or couldn't choose which was better he would just give a straight up answer so you didn't stress out trying to choose one \o/

would absolutely like being a guest in a drawing stream, he isn't the best at art or character design but it's fun to see him try

maybe you both plus some friends do a "drawing Minecraft mobs from memory" stream? ,, with that the thing is; his would mostly be relatively accurate if you could understand wtf he was drawing 😭

dream may or may or have some of your art as his phone homescreen, he loves your style so much :(( /pos

ranboo

first off; he's incredibly impressed!! like!!! you made this game?? this playable game, completely from scratch??? how??

also you may or may not have made a small Minecraft mod for him to tryout on stream,, little gift from you to both chat n ranboo 🤲

its literally all based off his lore,, if you get close to obsidian and crying obsidian fallen down from Undertale starts playing, if you splash water on yourself 1) you get hurt 2) your screen blacks out and when it comes back, your in a different place than before, some things art taken, maybe a few extra things are added

and there's a 50% chance that when you go into your "enderwalk" state (the blackout) you blow something up, so there may or may not be an explosion somewhere nearby, you also have a 20% chance of building something small in you enderwalk state :)

he found it so incredibly cool!!! chat was crying while complementing you while ranboo thanked you and complemented you over n over again

he won't shut up about how cool the mod is for several weeks, maybe even a few months, it's just so cool!!

will absolutely use it as a comeback if you let him; "oh? you got first place? well y/n made me a really really cool mod, so who's the actual winner here?"

will absolutely play every single game you come out with – it doesn't matter if it's his style or not – and he thoroughly enjoys all of the games as well

as for art streams, he will absolutely try to tune in every time he can!! active in chat and donos!!

doesn't really like being in art streams – like in call is fine but actually drawing? not really, he just doesn't love drawing in front of a ton of people

but will join an art stream if you ask

will listen to you rant about whatever, even if he doesn't understand it! like will listen to you go on and on about how well a game set up the atmosphere or maybe talking about how difficult coding is, and he'll converse back with you but won't really understand yk?

"ranboo I just played a really cool game do you wanna hear about it?" "yeah yeah- of course!!" "ok so like, the atmosphere was so well put together- like it was a horror game and I didn't even see the monster but the vibe was so well put together that it was still unnerving!!" "that's awesome! how did the atmosphere get set up the best and when you saw the monster, was it scarier?"

yk what I mean? like engages in convo so you don't feel bad about talking so much, plus shows his interest without the constant "hm?" "cool" etc a lot of people do and even though he does talk more than the acknowledgment sounds many people make he also manages to almost never sidetrack you and when he does it's on accident :)

if your way of learning is teaching then he'll gladly be the person you teach it to if you want! most likely won't use the information therefore his brain won't retain it but that's not on you, and the whole reason is so you can learn, not him, so! ^^

will make sure to take care of yourself, and he has a through way of telling if you have or not bc he's known you for long enough to know that even if you try to hide it a little bit of your tired voice shows so he knows if you've been sleeping like you should

also friends with you on discord, where you have your Spotify attached,, you like listening to music while you work on things that aren't sound related and if it's active later than it should be he's going to confront you

overall wholesome mixed in with a little pain bc both of you are like "ah yes, lore <3" and like to see fans cry /lh

niki

I feel like this is expected but if you need to get extra motivation she would probably be your go-to

she hypes you up but like, in a sweet and quiet kinda way, where as everyone else here would probably be relatively loud ;;

honored to be on an art stream if you invite her :')

and would absolutely watch your art streams when she can :D hypes you up in chat

also compliments, tons of compliments!

might call you a prodigy? bc you're so young but can already make games?? and make income off of them?? and do really good art??? and so much more??? like tell me that's not prodigy energy,

if you make a video game character based off her she might cry,, like in a positive way obviously but like at the same time :(( no don't cry!!

I say might bc it's dependant on how she feels that day yk? like she might just have the almost-cry wobble to her voice or she might actually, if that makes sense?

she genuinely loves your art style!! even if it's pointy and kinda creepy she really likes it!!

yk the "awww (name) :(" /pos she does sometimes? 100% does that with you

there are a few compilations of just "aww y/nnn" on YouTube and all the comments on those videos are just crying over y'all /pos

would be happy to help if you're stuck between some options in a game, but would feel kinda bad bc it's your game, you're supposed to be the one choosing the stuff

assure her that it's okay n stuff n she'll be ok tho !

I can't decide if she would play your games or not

bc on one hand she's a huge supporter of you and your work and would like to experience it first hand

but on the other hand she isn't the best with scry games,,

so maybe she'd do both? maybe she'd react on stream to a playthrough, maybe your playthrough? or maybe she would only play some of your games? I haven't decided so up to you I suppose!

jack manifold

genuinely amazed by your talent and will make it quite clear!!

can and will go on tangents about you on stream if someone brings it up

everyone is so :(( <333 /pos bc of it

will play the games you've made as soon as he can

if there are different games that line up in a story he'll make sure to play them in order :)

people also sometimes compare you two to hackers bc you code a ton and he kinda looks like a hacker

difference here is that both of you play into the bit, it's tons of fun!!

listen, I know he doesn't draw much but I am a firm believer that he will doodle his favorite character(s) from your games after he's done playing them

like after he plays a game of yours then expect a small doodle in your texts :)

you compiled a bunch of these doodles into one picture and made it you phone background and he only found out after y'all met irl and it caught the corner of his eye and he registered "oh hey wait that looks familiar"

he found out while recording the vlog n when editing, the editor was like "hey let's leave this in, it'd be funny if the fans knew right?" ,, the fans were crying for two weeks,, /pos

and speaking of drawings; he would like to be on a drawing stream with you, thinks it's be tons of fun!! :D

and he's usually free to call while your streaming and doesn't mind so if you wanna talk to him while drawing just call :)

and he will watch the streams he can make it to!! he may leave a bit early but he stays for the majority of it

if you make a character based off of him he's going to constantly thank you and brag about how cool you are anywhere he can

"hello manifolders, if you haven't done it already go download (game name)! I'm there!" with a ss of his character from the game and he'll reply to the tweet on his alt to talk more about the game and how much he really liked it :)

another that'll help you were you need it! he'll make it into a joke before anything else, but he'll get to the point

taglist (sorry i forgot to do it on the past two): @cvsmixplant // @l0ver0fj0y // @youngstarfishdinosaur

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gashinabts · 3 years

Text

philophobia|(m)

Words: 7.4k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: Taehyung, a man, who swears he’ll never fall in love meets Y/N a hopeless romantic.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, pussy slapping, pussy sniffing ( lmao idk if thats a thing?), squirting, sexual intercourse, mention of homophobia. Topics of child neglecting, if this makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read :) minor character death

A/N: Taehyung is a bisexual king! Tell me what you peeps think, remember that comments motivate me to continue writing!!! This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Kim Taehyung was born December 30, 1995 his father left him when he was 11 years old that is when Taehyung realized that love never lasts. His mother pretended that his father never existed, she quickly hid the family photos away, along with covering his tomato garden with dirt. Taehyung wanted to ask where he went but stopped wondering when he heard a few of his classmates whispering that Taehyung’s dad left them for a young woman in her twenties.

As Taehyung grew into his teenage years he would often get asked out by his classmates, he wouldn’t decline, accepting the dates to see if he can ever fall foolishly in love like his Mom once did. However, nothing ever happened, he would kiss them goodnight but won’t call them the next day. In high school he lost his virginity at a party, he wasn’t nervous, just did things he’s seen in filthy pornorgraphy. The very next day the girl spread the rumor that Taehyung was a sex god, that he probably had sex everyday with a different people. Was that a compliment? He remembered thinking to himself as he sat in the back of the classroom, feeling people secretly stare at him.

That day he met Jimin. Jimin was a popular boy that everyone swoon over. Of course he had a girlfriend, they have been dating since middle school. The guys would gawk at her when she would wear a sports bra to track practice. Taehyung was in art class sketching an apple, Jimin came over and talked to him as if they were friends. It was nice, Taehyung listened to Jimin complain about his art. When class was over, Jimin asked Taehyung to hang out with him after school. When Taehyung sat on Jimin’s bed, he looked over on the desk and saw a picture of Jimin and his girlfriend. Right next to it was a picture of what he assumed was Jimin’s family. A Mom, Dad, an older brother, and Jimin. He turned his gaze back to Jimin...who was undressing in front of him. Jimin’s underwear was the only thing on, Taehyung didn’t expect him to have lean muscles and define abs. An hour later they were both breathless, exhausted from the sex.

“ I’m not gay.” Jimin tells Taehyung as he cleans himself with a rag.

“ Okay.” Taehyung shrugs and pulls his pants up. He’s watched gay porn and straight porn before and got turned on by both of them, so it doesn’t come to much of a surprise that he enjoyed the sex with Jimin.

*******

Taehyung watches from afar when Jimin kisses his girlfriend in the school halls, wondering if that’s love. The next few months, Taehyung and Jimin fool around more. Jimin would call Taehyung over, then they would fuck and they would both be on their way. There were never conversations or pillow talks, until right now.

“ I’m gay.” Jimin confesses to Taehyung.

“Cool.” Taehyung shrugs, looking for his shoes.

“ That’s all your gonna say?” Jimin rolls his eyes grabbing his t-shirt wiping the come on his stomach.

“ I’m bisexual, happy?” Taehyung looks at his phone and notices a missed call from his mother. He tucks his phone away, “ Why are you still with her? Your girlfriend.” He finally asks the question he’s been meaning to ask since the beginning.

“ I love her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t love her like that.” Jimin looks at the picture of them and flips it down, almost ashamed of how much of a coward he is. “ Plus my Dad would kill me if I told him I like men.” He throws his head back looking at the ceiling not wanting to cry his eyes out.

Taehyung thinks love is complicated, he thinks people who are in love are selfish. They rather hurt themselves for the sake of love. It’s stupid he wants to tell Jimin that but he keeps quiet until Jimin looks at him with tears eyes. “ I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s fine...you don’t have to say anything just keep me company, yeah?”

“ Okay,” Taehyung sits back on the bed watching but not really watching tv with Jimin.

---

Taehyung’s mom was proud of him when he got accepted to a good college, she would brag to her friends and show pictures of his acceptance letters. Along with bragging how she raised Taehyung all by herself. Taehyung didn’t mind that he was in the spotlight, whatever made his mom happy he would comply with whatever she does. He was good with numbers so he was going to major in data analysis, he really wanted to major in art but his mom laughed in his face, telling him to be realistic.

Taehyung is now in his third year of college, wanting to just graduate already, done with the shitload of classwork and long ass lectures. Just right now he just finished his homework that took him three hours. He’s about to call it a night until Jungkook barges in his room, yelling at him to get dressed for a party. Taehyung switches his dirty hoodie with a clean hoodie, opting out grey sweatpants with jeans. He keeps his glasses on, due to his eyes being tired and not wanting to irritate them with contacts.

Jungkook hands Taehyung a drink, there’s obscene music, blunts being handed around, and people grinding on each other. “ When’s the last time you got laid?” Jungkook asked, as he took a gulp of his beer.

“ Last week...I think.” Taehyung searches through his mental sex list, but can’t seem to remember the girls face or name. He looks around and watches a couple argue with each other. The man rolls his eyes as the woman tries not to cry, the woman ends up leaving him and going upstairs.

“ Damn, lucky. I tried to hook up with this girl and she ended up leaving me hanging. Claimed that she’s not over her boyfriend, started crying on me when I was going down on her.” Jungkook cringes, sipping more alcohol. “ Be my wingman, yeah?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung nods. Jungkook is talking to this pretty girl, and she laughs at every joke that Jungkook makes. Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he asked him to his wingman when Jungkook can easily get a girl to bed. Jungkook nods absentmindedly when Taehyung excuses himself, he wanders around the frat house looking at people getting wasted. Once he gets tired of it he goes upstairs, hoping to find solace in an empty room. He opens a bedroom door, and notices a girl with a pencil and notebook. “ My bad-,” Taehyung is about to close the door.

You look up from your sketchpad, you see a tall man with messy curls and glasses. “ You can stay,” you observe him, he looks like he was forced to come here. There’s no red solo cup in his hand, he looks like he hasn’t a good night's rest. Also why else would he look mindlessly into rooms, the bathroom doors have a handwritten sign stating ‘BATHROOM’, so he must be bored or something searching into bedrooms. “ Or don’t. I don’t care.” You watch him close the door, entering the room.

“ Is this your room?” Taehyung looks around the room, noticing posters of naked women and marvel posters. Weird combination he notes. Along with the dirty clothes scattered all over the floor.

“ No,” you laugh. Shutting your notebook close, taking notice of his nice hands brushing his hair back. “ My friend’s room. I didn’t really feel like partying just decided to sketch,” you lift your pad up. He nods and sits on the bed.

“ Can I draw?” Taehyung points towards the sketchpad. He hasn’t drawn in months too busy in his schoolwork, his fingers would sometimes draw on foggy windows but nothing more. You nod tearing a piece of paper out and handing him a pencil, he thanks you.

You were sneakily glancing at him, sketching him, his angular jaw, messing hair, uneven eyelid, long eyelashes. Getting lost at his elegant features, wondering if he knows how beautiful he looks. You shake your head for easily fawning over this man. His hands are even beautiful, they travel across the paper gracefully with each stroke. You turn your eyes away when he makes eye contact with you, cheeks getting warm. “ What’s your name?” You ask while shading the contours of his cheeks.

“ Taehyung.” He folded his paper into a small square, putting it into his pocket. “ Yours?”

“ Y/N,” you smile.

---

“ Did you get laid yesterday night?” Jungkook is shirtless with scratch marks behind his back, there’s a couple of hickies on his neck.

Taehyung takes a sip of his tea before answering, “No, just talking to some girl. Her name is Y/N.”

“ Y/N. She’s a nice girl. One time I forgot a scantron for class and she gave me one. She’s also friends with Namjoon.” Jungkook pours himself coffee sitting next to Taehyung. “ Are you interested in her?”

Taehyung would be lying if said he wasn’t interested in you. When he entered the room he thought you were pretty and had a kind smile. “ Maybe...why?”

“ It’s best if you don’t try to get at her. Y/N looks the type to fall in love easily.” Jungkook sighs cracking his back on the back of the chair, groaning at his achy body. Taehyung wonders how can someone fall in love easily, he’s not one to believe in love at first sight or any kind of stuff in that realm. “ Alright, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can leave.”

Taehyung and Jungkook are at the library studying or trying to study, Jungkook is texting someone the whole time instead of studying for his macroeconimics test. While Taehyung is playing video games on his phone. “ Hey guys! Didn’t know you actually study Jungkook,” Namjoon jokes, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook rolls his eyes pushing his hand off his head mumbling curse words at him. Taehyung looks to the side of Namjoon and notices you laughing as the scene unfolds. You’re carrying ice americanos and Jungkook immediately takes it out of the carrier, thanking you.

You look at Taehyung placing one in front of him, “ I didn’t know what kind of coffee you liked.” Taehyung is wearing similar clothing to what he wore at the party, mostly muted green colors and his circle glasses, his hair is pushed back with a headband. He looks surprised to see you, but nevertheless thanks you for the coffee. The conversations between Jungkook and Namjoon get more serious when they finally decide to study for their materials. You try to study but you want to talk to Taehyung wanting to get to know him more, you nudge your foot against his leg. He looks up, looking at you in question, you nod your head towards the exit entrance, he nods slowly unsure to what you're up to but following your lead. Jungkook and Namjoon are too invested in their studying to see you and Taehyung leave. “ Do you wanna go to my apartment?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung shrugs. The apartment was small and kind of messy, you try to hurry up and toss some of the paintbrushes in the sink. There’s water cups filled with murky colors, and paint marks on the tables, he’s not used to a sight like this. In his apartment it is always clean and tidy, not a dirty plate in sight. “ You live by yourself?” he asked, placing his stuff on the table.

“ Yeah, my roommate moved four months ago with her boyfriend.” You give up cleaning the mess since there’s too much to clean. “ Want some-” You are interrupted when you feel Taehyung’s lips on your, your hands push his chest flustered at the sudden kiss.

“ I-I- sorry...I must have read something wrong,” he looks embarrassed immediately backing up giving you space. “ I thought you invited me to your apartment for sex.” Taehyung notices how your eyes widen, fuck he feels like an ass, scared that he made you uncomfortable. “ I should go…” he goes to pick up his bags ready to bolt out.

“ I just wanted to talk...to get to know you better,” you speak before his hands grab the doorknob. “ We can paint and talk, if that's okay with you?”

“ Are you sure? You don’t want me to leave?”

“ Stay.” You go to the sink to wash your dirty brushes.

Taehyung sits down looking at the wall, notices a canvas of a man, he has plump lips, gentle eyes, overall he is beautiful, something that seemed out of this world. Maybe it was the way it was painted that made it appear like that. “ You painted that?” Taehyung speaks shifting his gaze to you.

You look at where Taehyung was pointing at, it was the painting of your ex boyfriend, “ Yeah, that’s my ex boyfriend, Seokjin. The professor told us to paint the definition of love…,” you stare at Seokjin’s face, remembering the memories you shared. The brushes are all cleaned and you set them down, grabbing some water colors that are in the cabinet.

“ Do you still love him?” Taehyung curiously asked, watching carefully at your reaction.

There’s a slight pain of thinking about him, truly not over his death. “ Yeah I’ll always have love for him…”

Taehyung wants to ask more about him but doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t say anything else but paints. This is when Taehyung feels like he’s truly being himself painting, expressing himself without saying anything. Moments like these wish Taehyung would’ve chosen doing what he has a passion for insteading appealing to his mothers standards.

“ Why are you a data analysis major?” The artwork he is doing is remarkable, there’s dark undertones and eerie about it but it is beautiful something that you have to keep staring at.

He chuckles, “ Because I need to eat.” You look down feeling a little insulted he must've noticed since he immediately apologizes.

“ It’s okay. You know if you ever want to relax and paint, you can come here,” you continue painting small flowers. The first time, he smiles and nods his head.

---

5 months later

This is the third flower shop visited and he’s getting more tired with each second. “ This arrangement or this one?” You ask Taehyung, as you hold two bouquets. One was more filled with carnations and the other was filled with lilies. He gives it some thought before pointing at the carnations. “ This would be pretty to paint,” you smell it getting happy inside.

“ Finally, when can we eat...I didn't eat anything this morning,” his stomach growls at the thought of food. He’s still carrying the vases you bought at the thrift shop, you had to plead with you to not buy another antique mirror because he knows he would have to carry it to the apartment.

You gave the cashier the money, as he wraps the flowers in newspaper, turning your head you look at Taehyung, “ Why did you come with me if you were going to complain the whole time?” You laugh at his scrunched nose as you pinch it. The flowers are handed back and you thank the cashier, leaving with Taehyung.

“ Because I wanted to,” Taehyung shrugs. In your apartment he puts the flowers away as you cook him food, he always enjoys your cooking. When he was younger all he ever ate was ramen, never really ate some home cooked meals, his mother was always busy working trying to financially support the family so he never once asked his mom for dinner. Even at his own apartment he doesn’t eat Jungkook’s food since he doesn’t know how to cook either. Sometimes when he’s hungry he’ll just come to your apartment and you’ll be more than happy to cook for him.

When Taehyung enters his apartment Jungkook is watching anime, foot propped on the table and sipping some beer. “ Back from your girlfriends’ so soon?”

“ Not my girlfriend but yeah, I left my schoolwork here so I had to come back,” he sighs. Taehyung doesn’t get mad when Jungkook teases him about you being his girlfriend, but he sometimes gets annoyed. He likes the friendship between the two of you, it’s different from any other friendships he had in the past. “ Tomorrow night the apartment is mine. This guy wants to hangout with me.”

“ Just say he wants to fuck you,” Jungkook yells as Taehyung closes his bedroom door.

---

You meet Taehyung at the park with some bread, he hugs you and asks about your day. “ It was okay. Had lunch with my Dad, but it always ends up in some lecture. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m fifteen or something,” you tear a piece of bread throwing it into the pond watching some ducks gobble it. You try to look at Taehyung but it hurts when you see some hickies on his neck. On the day you were about to confess your feelings to Taehyung you asked him if he ever loved someone, he laughed and said that he doesn’t believe in no such thing as love. As much as you wanted to disapprove of that idea, you couldn’t be the one to change it.

He grabs some bread, chucking some pieces out, “ What was the argument?”

You laugh thinking about your Dad’s red face, “ I invited him to my apartment, and he found the blunt we smoked together in the ashtray.”

“ Shit, I should’ve thrown it away,” Taehyung laughs too, pushing some of his hair back.

“ Just glad he didn’t find any of my sex toys,” you cringe just thinking about it. You feel something tugging the end of your skirt, looking down you see a toddler smiling cheekily pointing at the bread. You smile, “ Here, have fun,” you hand him the rest of your bread. You watch him wobble as he runs to his mother throwing the whole slice in the water.

“ Sex toys?” Taehyung asked once the child was out of sight. “ Like what?,” Taehyung is interested, he doesn’t know, maybe because he can’t imagine you using them. Or he wants to know how you use it. There were times when Taehyung wanted to have sex with you but he turned those urges off. He doesn’t want to give you mixed signals remembering Jungkook’s words of advice. “ Never-”

“ A dildo, vibrator, hitachi wand, or even my favorite pillow,” you trail off not thinking much until you realize who you are confessing to. “ I-I uh…”

“ How often?,” Taehyung asked quietly, not wanting any other people hearing the conversation. He shouldn’t get turned on but he is.

Something about Taehyung’s deep quiet voice is making you squeeze your thighs, “ Every night…” You're still looking at the pond, watching the ripples that are caused by the ducks swimming away. You can feel Taehyung's stare but you ignore it. The conversation switches to another topic when you talk about your school work. The sun sets and you both part ways.

The sound of tea kettle wakes you up from your concentration of you sketching, sighing you pour yourself the tea. Looking at your art, you turn it over not wanting to see Taehyung’s face right now. But fate has different plans when you hear knocking on the door, Taehyung appears, he lets himself in and is close to your face.

“ Taehyung?” You’re puzzled at his frazzled state, deeply staring into your eyes.

“ Can I kiss you?” The words are quiet but firm. Stupidly you nod, not caring about any consequences. His hands cup your face, immediately going into the kiss. The kisses get deeper, his hands travel to your hips bringing you closer to him quickly, you lose friction from the fluffy socks you're wearing causing you to slip, immediately grabbing Taehyung as you fall backwards. His hands are quick to save himself from not falling onto you. There’s a slight pain on your tailbone but is immediately forgotten when Taehyung goes back to kissing you.

The big t-shirt you are wearing is tossed, his hands immediately fondle your breast, his lips leaving kisses on your neck, groaning as he pushes his bulge against your clothed core. “ Taehyung...let me touch you,” you moan when he bites your neck. He pulls back, pecking your lips before taking off his clothes. Your hands trail against his chest, his stomach, towards his pelvic, trying to remember every part of him. He is surprised to have you touching him like he was some marvel statue, usually his past hookups just rush into the sex. It’s very intimate and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

Taehyung groans when you touch his dick, he’s hard and wants to be inside of you already. He comes down kissing you, his hands get rid of your panties, fingers spreading your wetness. The moans you let out are turning him on even more, he stretches you out with his fingers. He likes the way your eyes flutter, the shape of your lips tremble, along with your chest inhaling and exhaling deeply. “ You are so pretty,” he doesn’t mean to say it loudly but he does. There’s a blush that blooms on your cheeks, it reminds him of the flowers you would get to study paint.

“ Taehyung,” you moan slightly flustered at his compliment. He reaches for his pants grabbing a condom. “ You don’t want to go to the bedroom?” The floor is still cold against your back, and the last time you cleaned the floor was days ago.

Taehyung shakes head, already putting on the condom not wanting to waste time, “ Too far,” he smiles when you laugh. He enters you feeling you clench tightly around, he moans digging his head into your neck. “ You are so tight,” he groans. “ Feels so fucking good, having you like this,” he confesses.

You moan loudly, his thick cock streching “ Oh fuck, Taehyung, please just fuck me,” your hands go to his waist urging him to move. He listens to your command, thrusting slowly trying to get deep as he can. Maybe if you can close your eyes you can pretend that he’s in love with you. He goes faster and cries at the pace he’s going, the pleasure is overwhelming, something that you can’t get with your own hands. “ I’m close already,” your hand goes to tug at his wavy hair.

“ Me too,” his voice is deeper. His hand travels down to your pussy searching for your clit and rubbing it. “ Come for me,” he says into your ear. You moan his name loudly, cumming around his cock, scratching his back. The sight of you creaming around him makes him immediately come, he searches for your lips, moaning your name in the kiss. The two of you lay in the afterglow of the sex, panting loudly his body is barely being hold up, and you laying on the hard floor.

Taehyung gets up throwing his condom away, he looks at you still laying on the floor with your eyes close, the realization of him having sex with you just popped up. He hurriedly gets dressed, then helps you get dressed, he gets shocked when you kiss him as a thank you. The next morning Taehyung wakes up early, making sure to leave quietly, not wanting to disrupt your sleep.

---

You weren’t going to lie, it kind of hurt not waking up beside Taehyung but you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. Namjoon invites you to a kick back, only inviting a few people to his house to chill and drink. You take solace on the couch, watching people get high and drunk, you weren’t in the mood to do either so you make conversation with a slightly high Hoseok. He’s in mid-discussion about Shrek being a cinematic masterpiece, when Jungkook yells from the door entrance that he has Taco Bell. Taehyung is beside him wearing all black beanie, crewneck, and sweatpants, but still looks better than half of the people here.

You turn your gaze back to Hoseok who’s left walking towards Jungkook immediately grabbing a taco. Sighing you decide to get fresh air, staring at the tall dark buildings. “ Whatcha you doing here by yourself? It’s fucking freezing,” Taehyung speaks out closing the slider door standing by you. He takes off his vape pen inhaling it.

“ Wanted fresh air,” you shrug, still staring at the buildings. “ Hoseok left me for tacos. He was onto something, saying that Shrek is a masterpiece. Who knows maybe he’ll write his thesis about it.” Taehyung chuckles, he keeps looking at you and you finally stare at him. “ Why’d you kiss me yesterday?”

He blows out the smoke, and puts his pen away, “ Cuz I wanted to,” he shrugs not thinking much about it.

“ Nothing else?” You arch your eyebrow.

He continues to stare into your eyes “ Nope,” he shakes his head.

Some part of you wanted him to say that he had feelings for you but in the back of your mind you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You smile pushing his chest, “ Well that’s the last time we are ever going to do anything like that.” The both of you know that is a lie.

---

For the next couple of months you and Taehyung continue sleeping with each other.

When you are studying with Namjoon in the library, Jungkook and Taehyung spontaneously show up, causing Namjoon to groan. “ You know you love me,” Jungkook jokingly says sitting next to him.

Taehyung sits down next to you, looking at your classwork, “ How long have you been studying,” he whispers.

You turn to look at the time of your phone, “ Like four hours,” you sigh. He hands you a jolly rancher, you immediately put in your mouth. “ Why are you here? You texted me that you were going to take a fat ass nap?”

“ I wanted to see you, kind of missed you,” he lays his head against the table. His eyes close when you brush his soft hair.

“ I’ll be done in forty minutes.” He lets off a quiet okay continuing to look at you doing your work.

Taehyung wakes up to you caressing his cheek, his neck is in pain from the awkward position he slept in. “ Where did Jungkook and Namjoon go?,” he looks at the empty seats. He tries to crack his neck and watches you pack your stuff.

“ They left about twenty minutes ago,” you get up stretching your legs. “ Let’s head home. We still have left over pizza,” you groan at the pain on your lower back.

For some odd reason Taehyung liked hearing you say home, there’s some comfort it gives him but he never says it out loud. Taehyung grabs your backpack, holding it for you as you walk towards your car. You look in the fridge for the pizza, but Taehyung has other plans when he closes the fridge door, pinning you against it kissing you feverishly, his tongue already begging for entrance. Laughing you push him away, “ What’s gotten into you?”

“ I told you...I miss you,” his hands are on your waist. He kisses you again, picking you up easily and placing you on the kitchen table. He takes off your pants and panties, and you reach for his pants but he stops you forcing you to lie completely on the table. “ Look at you, laying so pretty on the table,” he bends down kissing you on your lips before he goes down on you.

He licks your cunt, gently prodding his tongue up and down. Your hips move frantically wanting to feel more of him. His rough hands pin your hips, and he continues with his teasing, lightly kissing your clit before touring you with his slow pace. “ Look at your pussy, it looks like the roses you painted yesterday…,” his finger goes up and down your folds.

The words make your cheeks grow hot, “ No it doesn’t,” you get shy shaking your head. The embarrassment fills your body, for maybe shamelessly liking his compliment. You are probably never going to look at roses the same way ever again.

“ Yeah, it does Y/N, but your pussy is more pretty,” he continues to tease you. Wanting to see you get more flustered, he likes it when you do it gets him more turned on. “ I wonder if it smells like roses too,” he’s about to smell your pussy but you hold his head. He watches you cutely shake your head.

Taehyung is filthy but it makes you get even more aroused. “ It won’t,” you whisper, wanting to cry but he shakes his kissing the inside of your thigh to try to comfort you.

He smells your pussy and he groans, your heart thumps faster and nervous for what's about to say, “ It smells better,” he kisses your clit. His tongue keeps tracing your folds gently wanting to make you beg for more. The movement of his tongue makes you want to pull your own hair out. The pleasure is barely there but it grows within each second of his tongue flicking up and down.

“ Taehyung,” you let out desperate whine, “ please, I need more.” One of his hands slap your cunt, and your back arches surprise but even more turned on. You never knew that you were into that. The sting hurts at first but shoots up ecstasy after a nanosecond, you can’t help but seek more. “ More!”

Taehyung lets out a dark chuckle, he gives you another slap, slightly harder on the center of your clit, the stinging making your face scrunch up but letting out a lewd moan. He groans at your wetness seeping out some of it landing on the table.

Suddenly, he is done with all the teasing, and dives in, nose touching your clit and tongue inside your entrance going in and out. Finding it extremely hot that you are riding his face, like the pillow on your bed. Taehyung vividly remembers when you showed him how you ride your pillow last week. The way you desperately let out cute whines trying so hard to relieve yourself as Taehyung only watched, wanting to see you get off without his help.

He moves his face side to side so his nose can rub your clit. Head in the clouds, your body is floating with ecstasy wanting to stay in it forever. Your hands reach down trying to anchor yourself, Taehyung reaches for your hand holding it tight. You cry out his name loudly, coming intensely, your eyes are shut when it doesn’t seem to stop. Your body finally calms down, looking down you see Taehyung’s face is completely wet. “ Oh my god, did I-

“ Fuck, that was hot,” Taehyung wipes his face with the back his arm. He kisses your lips, he helps you from the table, handing you your panties.

“ Let me repay you?,” you tug at his belt loop, you look down to see the bulge is gone and there’s a wet stain. Your eyes widen, “ Did you come?”

“ Yeah, you squirting on me, made me bust a nut. I swore I never came that hard either,” he sighs happily. Laughing you go towards the fridge, finally eating the cold pizza. You hand him one and he eats it in two bites. “ My mom called me today…”

Taehyung hardly talks about his family, you only know that he was raised only by his mother. He never talked bad about her but you can tell that they didn’t have a close relationship. “ What happened?” You and Taehyung move so you're sitting on the couch.

“ She told me that my father wanted to meet up with me,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “ Told her that I don’t want to. She started crying and telling me that he’s my father...I sometimes think she’s still in love with him. She’s an idiot.” He lays his back staring at the ceiling.

“ Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone that you once loved. The one you shared your laughs, arguments, touches, memories...vanish into thin air... or you could hold onto it. Love isn’t easy...it’s messy, it’s confusing but it’s beautiful being able to share it with someone. Don’t you think?” You look at Taehyung’s side profile.

Taehyung turns his head looking at you, “ I don’t know...I will never fall in love. I don’t want to end up like my parents,” he closes his eyes.

“ Taehyung-“

He opens his eyes smiling, grabbing your hands, “ Let’s head to bed,” already over the conversation.

---

Jungkook is cooking breakfast and almost burns his hand when a random girl walks out of Taehyung’s room. Immediately she exits their apartment, doing the walk of shame. Taehyung walks out shirtless with hickies on his chest and dishevelled hair. Jungkook clears his throat, “ Thought you were seeing Y/N,” he turns off the stove.

Taehyung grabs a glass of water, “ We are just friends,” he takes several gulps.

Jungkook scoffs rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity, “ Yeah, friends who have sex, hold hands, and almost spend every night together. My bad I forgot they changed the definition of ‘friends’ in the Webster dictionary.”

“ Whatever man...I'm out of here,” Taehyung leaves the kitchen going to his room. He looks at himself in the mirror, disgusted at his appearance, at the splotchy marks on his neck. Why am I like this? Taehyung leaves his apartment ignoring Jungkook, entering your apartment with his set of keys. He looks at you cooking pancakes, you look at him quickly and smiling.

“ Hey...you want some? It’s your favorite banana pancakes,” you flip the pancake. He looks at the big stack of pancakes you have on the table, you continue with the last couple of pancakes and sit down taking a couple of bites. You are consumed by the taste, not really focusing on Taehyung until he clears his throat, looking at him you notice marks on his neck. Your heart plummets, you thought the whole time the two of you have been messing around he wasn’t seeing anyone else. “ You hooked up with someone else yesterday?,” you set your utensils down.

Taehyung nods trying to look nonchalant, “ Yeah, is that a problem?”

“ No,” you try to lie to yourself but it’s no use, your face looks the opposite of how you feel, disheartening, you can’t save face even if your life's on the line. Swallowing hard you shake your head, “ Actually, yes. It is a problem,” you sigh. “ I don’t understand you. You treat me like a lover, but then you do things like this…” you get up from the kitchen table tossing the plates in the sink, not caring that you didn’t finish the meal, “ I open my heart with you but you don’t do the same. I feel used in this relationship or whatever the hell this is,” your hands clenched tightly as you turn around and face Taehyung.

He’s now by the kitchen counter standing up, “ I told you I’m not looking for love. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed feelings but I don’t want this to end whatever we have with each other. I like how things are-”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words, “ Well I don’t...if you want to fuck around then do it... I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore.” The angry tears stream down your face, your hands wipe them before he could, “ Go Taehyung. I wish you the best,” his face is etched with subtle pain, turning away from him you wash the dishes not bothering to look at the sound of him leaving.

---

Three days later

Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, giving up completely and decides to study all night long. This has been a daily occurrence since the fight with you. I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore. Taehyung groans, wanting to get the image of you out of his brain. Jungkook knocks on his door, eyes widening at the sight of him, “ You look like shit, c’mon Namjoon is having another get together.”

When Taehyung shows up to the party he watches you have a conversation with Hoseok, from a far distant, unsure how you would react if you saw him. Taehyung waits till Hoseok leaves, walking towards you as you are on your phone texting someone. He watches you jolt as he calls your name. “ Hey,” you greet him but there’s no smile or warmth like you usually greet. And he hates it, it makes him feel like a stranger.

“ About the last time, I’m sorry that we got into an argument,” Taehyung apologizes, he tucks his hands in his pockets, a nervous tick he developed when he was elementary.

“ Ok,” you nod your head, not wanting to discuss something so private in a social setting. “ I should get going, I got a research paper to go over,” you give him one last glance and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone else.

Taehyung doesn’t like the way your back faces him, leaving him all alone with a place full of people. He pushes against people not wanting to let you go so easily, he wants to talk to you, he wants to hear you talk. He wants to lay in your bed and listen to your heart beat while you stroke his hair, letting him fall asleep in your arms. You're opening your car door, and you halt when he calls your name, you wait patiently for what he’s going to say. Please stay. “ I-I uh...I wish you the best, Y/N” Taehyung says. He watches you give him one last small smile and drive away.

---

Six months later

Taehyung hates visiting his mother, there’s always something unsettling when he enters his childhood home. As soon as greets his mother she comments about his weight, his slightly long wavy hair, and baggy clothes. She doesn’t ask him college, she never does. Instead he listens to her talk about her work. “ I told your father that you're in town,” she says over the sound of the faucet. Taehyung nods, handing her the dirty dishes, “ I told him you are free tomorrow, you are going to visit him at IHOP,” she leaves no room for argument.

The sun wakes up Taehyung before his alarm does, he doesn’t really put in effort to look nice but when his mother gives him a look, he changes into something more appropriate. Maybe if Taehyung was in middle school he would be nervous meeting his father but now that he’s an adult he couldn’t care less. It takes him a while to find his father, he looks older from his adolescent years, has a few gray hairs and slightly wrinkled skin. His father stands up, and Taehyung immediately holds his hand out giving him a handshake not wanting to receive an awkward hug. His father looks surprised but compiles, awkwardly laughing and sits down taking a gulp of his hot black coffee. “ I ordered your favorite,” his father points to the triple drizzle chocolate milkshake with a red cherry on top that is set in front of Taehyung. “ How are you kiddo? You look so grown up, your mother has been feeding you well, huh?”

“ Yup.” Taehyung looks at the red cherry.

There’s too much uncomfortable tension, and his father is letting more awkward coughs to try to fill the silence. “ Almost done with college, yeah? Just three more months, and you gotta face the real world,” his father comments.

Taehyung has been facing the real world since he was a teenager, he worked when he was in highschool to pay for college, he cooked his own dinner because his mother always came home late, he didn’t need to graduate college to find out the world was shitty. “ Yeah.”

His father tries really hard to have some sort of conversation with his son.“ You still like to paint?”

Taehyung smiles, getting reminded of you. He wonders what you are doing right now, if you are painting the canvas he bought you when you guys were friends. “ No. I mean yeah, sorta. I painted with this girl, she made me fall back in love with painting but I did something horrible to her. Now I can’t paint without thinking about her,” he sighs.

There’s surprise etched on his father’s face, since more than a word came out of his son’s mouth. “ Seems like a very important person to you. You should talk things out with her, don’t want to lose someone like that.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “ Why? You did the same thing to us.”

“ Taehyung-”

“ You really fucked me up father, I hate that you and mom made me this way. I want to love her but I’m scared...what if she ends up leaving me like you did. I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have someone steal a part of me,” Taehyung grits his teeth.

“ I-I I’m sorry Taehyung...I really am. I hate myself everyday for not visiting you, I should’ve been there for you...Your mother and I once loved each other but sometimes people fall out of love, but that doesn’t mean love is evil. Don’t give up on love because of our failed marriage, son, you deserve to be in love.”

---

One week later

“ Fuck, watch where you going asshole,” you yell at the asshole who wasn’t paying attention that made you drop all of your art supplies. He doesn’t even bother apologizing, just continues to walk with his friends. You pick up your pencils, someone helps you pick up your other materials. “ Thank-” you stop midway when your eyes are met with Taehyung. He hands you the sketchpads, you quickly put it in your bag, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem. You just got out of class?,” he asked intently looking at you.

His hair is pushed back by his headband, showing his forehead, he’s wearing his usual baggy grandpa clothes. It makes your heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling away. “ Yeah, but I have to go back to pick up my two pieces,” you shrug.

“ You need a hand?” He offers with a careful smile.

You contemplate, you don’t want to make two trips, “ If you’re not busy…”

He eagerly shakes his head. “ I’m not, let me help.” Taehyung follows you to the art room, and picks up the pieces easily despite it being large canvases. There’s silence when you are done putting it in your car.

“ Thank you,” you give him a grateful smile. “ Do you need to ride home?”

Taehyung took his car to campus but he lies, he accepts your offer in hopes that you guys can talk things over. The radio is on low, and Taehyung is almost near his apartment, “ I lied I don’t need a ride,” he starts off and you let out a surprise laugh.

“ Why are you just telling me now?,” you are about two minutes from the destination.

“ I wanted to talk to you about what happened to us-”

You sigh, not wanting to reopen bandage wounds on your heart, “ Taehyung, I’m over it-”

His head turns to face you, “ I love you. I think I always loved you since we became friends. I was scared to tell you because it was something so new for me...I was selfish, I thought that everything we had was fine but I never took your feelings into consideration.” He’s breathing really hard because he finally confessed his heart out, something he vowed he’ll never do since he was a child.

“ Why? Why now?,” you swallow hard, not looking at him but only the road. Scared that if you look into his eyes, you’ll get lost into them.

“ It took me a while to come in terms with how I am feeling. Because love is messy right?,” his voice cracks.

The car is now parked in his driveway, “ Yeah, it is.” Turning to finally face him, he has little tears in his eyes that haven’t fallen. “ I still love you, Taehyung,” your hand touches his soft cheek, caressing it. Taehyung leans closer to you and you close your eyes expecting a kiss, instead he sobs against your neck. Feeling wet tears against your neck, you try to coddle him but the tight space in the car is not giving you any room to do so. “ Tae, why are you crying?,” you comb the back of his curls.

Taehyung pulls away giving you a tearful smile, “ Because for the first time in my life I know what love is.”

end.

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years

Text

Homestuck Liveblog #186

UPDATE 186: Political Assassination

Last time John finally got that tooth off his chest, and Jake agreed to give his endorsement to Karkaroni. Now what will happen? Let’s see.

Has it been days since Jade has been sitting on that couch, levitating and with her eyes completely black? Given everything that has happened in the meantime it sure feels like it has. Roxy’s getting worried, she tried to call Rose but she didn’t respond, so instead he goes for the next option she has: Dave. Who immediately brags about working to stop Jane from screwing up everything. The words ‘neoliberal austerity measures’ are unsaid but they’re like an echo when Dave talks about the presidential campaign, I bet. He’s busy handling Jake’s endorsement speech.

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

‘one hell of a nap, davey, shes been blacked out for, like, a week’

It seems the troll candidate is more popular with the trolls and the carapacians than with the humans and consorts. How don’t they have more consort supporters? Hopefully Jake’s endorsement will change that.

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

Well that makes clear what the best course of action is: don’t open the windows nor place her anywhere in the daylight. If Dirk’s advice will help with the exorcism she needs – to get Dead Calliope out – then it’s a bad idea. I’m enjoying this epilogue much more with Dead Calliope controlling the narrative, thanks.

It’s alarming Kanaya isn’t picking up either. Could Dirk have gotten rid of her? I sure hope not! Kanaya has done nothing wrong and deserves to stay alive, what with being the professional when it’s about troll reproduction. She better still be fine and kicking!

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

They don’t do that, much to Jade’s disappointment, I bet. Either way, it’s speech time!

The struggle to take control of the narrative is a petty squabble, says Dirk, taking the high ground by offering Dead Calliope a way out. Buddy, pal, friend, you can’t take the high ground and then insinuate Calliope is ugly as sin. That is petty.

Apparently everybody thinks Dave loves Karkaroni, and although I believe that too, it’s fine if Dave never comes to terms to that. The guy marches at the beat of his own drum, he’ll be fine. This kind of thing can’t be forced on him. Speaking of things that can’t be forced, Roxy wants to know how Dave came out to everyone else as not straight. Oh dear, Roxy, I don’t think Dave ever did that. You’re asking the wrong person – unless you want the answer to be ‘deny it for like eight years now’.

He’s not really denying it right now, though. Maybe he did come out to the others and I didn’t find out until now. He’s not comfortable enough with rapping about ‘boning dudes’ in middle of a stadium where so many people can see him, but he’s not running away from the question. Way to go, Dave! I approve character growth!

Somehow Dave has this entire spiel about all the steps of admitting not being straight. On what phase are you, Dave? Inquiring minds want to know. I’d paste the entire thing here, because it’s pretty good stuff, but it’d feel like I’m applying filler for the sake of applying filler, so I won’t.

Dirk really doesn’t want a conversation about gender. Personally I have to agree because, even though this is great for development and I appreciate all of Dave’s steps, this is kind of a random place to shove this in. Pretty bad place, really. It’d have been great at a different moment.

Horrendously invasive of Roxy’s deepest personal thoughts.

...uh, Dirk, you know what else is horrendously invasive? Taking over the narration and manipulating people around. Also the assimilation plan, that’s more than horrendously invasive.

Okay, this is going for long enough.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to?

the prince is laboring under the delusion that he has been the least bit subtle in his intentions. he currently stands beneath the carapacian bell tower, poised to climb to the top. he holds the long, red sniper rifle that once belonged to roxy, brandishing it openly and boldly. he seems mysteriously oblivious to the fact that holding a long rifle in broad daylight somewhat tips one to the fact that he soon intends to shoot someone from a great distance. he also seems unaware of the fact that i know perfectly well that the top of this tower has a clear, long-range view of the stadium, allowing any competent sniper a clear shot of whoever happens to be standing at the podium as they give a speech. as jake english is about to do.

he also doesn’t seem to realize i have anticipated his attempt to assassinate his own friend in order to advance his political goals, and that i am prepared to take measures which make this impossible.

It really sounds like Dirk’s getting ready to shoot, he’s up at the right place and has a view of the stadium where Jake will be, but...I don’t know, ever since Roxy said Dirk messaged her about keeping Jade in the sunlight for ‘an exorcism’ I have been feeling uneasy, and now that this all was said just now, well, I kind of suspect Dirk may try to shoot and kill Jade. It sure would free her of Dead Calliope’s control and possibly give him back the control of the narrative. It’s a possibility, no?

Somehow the next few paragraphs resembles a schoolyard roleplaying fight. ‘You can’t reach the top of the stairs because...your feet feel really heavy’ ‘really? Then I can fly’ ‘and then the bell came crashing down on you!’ ‘I cut that stupid bell with my sword!’ ‘not fair!’ ‘yes fair!’. It’s endearing in its own way.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

no i don’t.

DIRK: Sure you do.

I’m having fun with this part, guys, I really am! This is great.

This is over when Dead Calliope, trying to stop the focus on Dirk and his increasingly petty narration, turns the attention back to Dave who must still be explaining to Roxy the intricacies of coming out to their friends. I see keeping a show in a standstill is a Strider family trait.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

That has got to be the most contrived simile Dave has said in recent history.

Dirk continues saying very clearly he’s about to shoot Jake, and the more he states that so bluntly the more I suspect there’s something else going on.

‘Xenophobe’ and related words are starting to stop looking like a real word. It just has been said so many times.

Everything is making Dave feel like something’s wrong – undoubtedly Dead Calliope’s influence – so he gets in the path of any potential bullets, protecting Jake with his own body.

and despite dave’s quick and well-justified action, what is also unbeknownst to him is that the sniper no longer poses a threat of pulling that trigger. because everyone knows that for all of the prince’s shortcomings, he would never expose his beloved brother and son to the risk of a heroic death.

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

I’m pretty willing to bet taking over Dave’s self doesn’t count as killing or hurting him, therefore it’s fair game. Dave would be pretty unhappy to know what Dirk’s doing, anyway. The narrative reveals what’s in the sniper rifle are not bullets, they’re tranquilizers. It’d be a non-fatal way of keeping someone out of the way for a while. The second thing Dead Calliope got wrong, though...

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

Well then! Turns out I may have been right about that he intends to shoot Jade. He must feel really confident about it if he can announce it aloud after aaaall the charades he did to fool Dead Calliope. Is it Jade, Dirk? Will you tranquilize Jade and pretty much put her to sleep – non-fatally?

Dirk spins in what must be the tiniest bell tower ever, given he only has to spin to change direction and be able to aim somewhere else, and gets ready to shoot. All Dead Calliope can do is freeze Dirk’s finger on the trigger, but he thought ahead and made the rifle to be voice-operated. All he has to do is say ‘fire’. Which he does! Game over for Dead Calliope?

Pretty good aim, hitting a vein from all this distance. Jade indeed has gotten tranquilized, and I’m pretty sure given this isn’t the first time Dirk uses tranquilizers – he uses them in TV – it shouldn’t be too hard for anyone to realize this is Dirk’s orangey shady hand making the moves.

The insult against Jade is uncalled for, Dirk. But yeah, the result of all this is that Dirk is once again back in control of the narrative, which makes me sigh with exasperation. I really liked Dead Calliope’s narration more than Dirk’s, so I’m not looking forward to this change.

Roxy drops to her knees by the couch, pulls the dart out of Jade’s neck, and tries to shake her awake. But it’s no use. That’s a heavy dose I gave her. Could be out for weeks. Maybe months? Can’t have any cherubs messing with my business on this planet. At least not until I’ve taken my leave. But Jade’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry about that.

So...she’s pretty much in a coma. Could be worse, could be worse. She could be dead. This is barely better.

Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Does that mean the candy epilogue is all Dead Calliope’s influence seeping through instead of Dirk’s? It could be interesting to see what kind of thing she does to the world. Although...given the effects of the trickster lollipop and how ‘sweetness beyond comprehension’ is perfection to them, it’s bound to be nightmarish. I’m actually looking forward to that!

Speaking of meat, holy shit. You just look more fucked up every time we come back to you, don’t you, John?

You’re a disgraceful mess right now. Covered in blood, mysteriously sticky, bruised all over your arms, legs, and neck. Terezi practically raked rows into your back. You catch sight of yourself in the rearview mirror. You’re kind of embarrassed by what a postcoital train wreck you look like when all she’s got is mussed hair. And you should be embarrassed. Seriously, it’s like you were mauled by a wild animal. Jesus, don’t either of you have any shame?

Ah. Okay then, good for them, although I’m pretty concerned. Such a physically intensive activity can’t be good for the guy with a gaping hole in the chest and the troll who still must be half-starved. I won’t be surprised if these two just pass out and die anytime soon. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems things are awkward now between these two. Maybe it was all a spur-of-the-moment move.

You sit together on the hatch, like when you first met up days ago. Terezi crawls into your arms, and nuzzles right up against your chest so you have no choice but to hold on to her. You would have done it anyway if she asked, because you’re a total sap. The kind of guy who no doubt thinks banging a girl in a car is some deep, soul-shattering experience that bonds you for life. Yeah, John, you do think that. You think that you and Terezi are basically married now.

I can’t tell if he really thinks that or if Dirk’s funneling those thoughts into him. The line between what the character feels and what Dirk wants them to feel is pretty blurry by now.

After all this, Terezi gives up on looking for Vriska, so this is a prime moment for her to fly by and find them. She doesn’t, though, and John proposes Terezi to go home with him. Can they even go home? John is so tired it’s possible they can’t – which he really should have thought about before doing said physically intensive activity. Nobody to blame but yourself, John. Seriously, you have an open wound and bled like four liters of blood. You’re as good as dead.

He feels the urge to lie down and sleep, which is a pretty bad idea given the situation. Terezi rouses him up, so instead he decides to give this a try and zap back home. Hmmmm...if he’s so tired right now, it’s possible the act of zapping home will drain whatever energy he has left, so I’m not...very optimistic about John’s chances of survival. Would this count as a heroic death? Can you die from a heroic death if you die like two weeks after the offending injury is made? If he dies from exertion after having sex with Terezi that doesn’t count as a death because having sex with Terezi is neither heroic nor just, no? Oh well.

Back in the stadium, the inexistent assassination attempt may have given Karkaroni a push in the polls, and Dirk spends quite a while brandishing Jake like a piece of meat. Really, can he be treated as more than a flat character whose only non-flat trait is his posterior? Jake’s nervous and fidgets around, so much Dave and Karkaroni show concern and offer to cancel the speech and/or the campaign. It seems our favorite presidential troll still doesn’t like the idea of having leadership, he’s ready to throw the towel anytime. Jake insists he can do it, so he starts!

I don’t remember Dirk being so outright antagonistic in Homestuck. It’s making me pretty uncomfortable, I have to admit. It feels kind of out of nowhere, just like Jane’s sudden xenophobic inclinations are. What was Hussie thinking when he wrote all this? What was his intention?

Jake’s getting pretty nervous and I can’t tell if he’s getting stage fright or if Dirk’s influencing him to be nervous. The latter is a possibility, no? Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what’s going on.

Why don’t you have a good, long think about that, Jake.

Is this really the time for a good, long think? Jake muses to himself, actually putting a finger to his chin like some public domain clip art picture of a befuddled guy. If the crowd is confused by his rapid-cycle mood changes, they don’t show it. Jake’s got a bit of a day-drinking problem, which has been slavishly documented in the global tabloids. That’s how you avoid responsibility, isn’t it, Jake? You can fool your fans, but not yourself. The truth is that there’s a canniness to the act. It’s partially cultivated. You’re stupid, but you’re not nearly as stupid as you pretend to be.

JAKE: What in the devil was i thinking coming here?

JAKE: Why did I...?

JAKE: I came here to...

... slide the biggest knife any motherfucker ever wielded directly into your friend Jane Crocker’s back?

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart. And you would have guiltlessly toyed with her “kettle drums” too had it not been for a bit of divine intervention, let’s decide to call it.

Sigh. That’s...that’s all I can do with all this. Sigh and keep reading. Third time I’m scrolling through the epilogue a tad faster than I should. It’s pretty much an entire page of gaslighting. Nothing really worth delving into, mainly because it’s pretty uncomfortable to read such a thing. Dirk’s being the abusive ex, pretty much. Nothing really worthwhile.

JAKE: I love dirk!

JAKE: IM IN *LOVE* WITH DIRK!!!

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

You know, there are a few reasons why I’m thinking of liveblogging these epilogues. I’ll explain them later, but right now I may as well say a word of two: the epilogue is competently written. The events in it are interesting, and the interactions are raw and full of emotion. It’s all pretty unpleasant to read, which makes it a bit novel, like swallowing bitter medicine. It’s pretty good, in a technical way.

But it simply doesn’t work with Homestuck characters. It just doesn’t.

Anyway, let’s continue scrolling down to the end of the page and go to the next.

I was right in that zapping back to Earth C would take what was left of John’s energy. He barely can give three steps before he falls down, so it’s all up to Terezi now. She wants to bring John to Jane, so she can revive him. I don’t think she has revived him before, so it should be a good idea. It’d be better to bring Jane to John, though.

It doesn’t matter. This isn’t a wound you can recover from. It’s Game Over this time: no healing, no afterlife, no cosmic clock proclaiming your sacrifice as Heroic. The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Oh, nevermind, it’s something not even Jane with her life powers can fix. I wonder if, once John is erased, nobody will remember him. That’s what happens when there’s no place for you in a narrative, no? Hmmm...

John already know he’s irreversibly going to die, and tells Terezi not to waste her time, that he was dead the moment Lord English bit him. Which is true, given this poison. Then he says he was dead the moment he woke up that morning, which...I suppose is the depression talking.

You died the moment you made the decision to go meet your destiny. You would have lived if you made the other decision, under a certain definition of the word “living.” You might have even lived until the end of your immortal life span, as shitty as that sounds.

So he’d have lived for the rest of his life if he had decided to do nothing. Makes sense. This may have been for the better, given Lord English needed to be defeated, so it’s time well-spent. It’s rather unfortunate it involves John’s death, but...in a way I saw this coming. Pretty tragic outcome, and given this epilogue has been chock-filled with a lot of tragedy and pessimistic scenarios, it only made sense this would happen.

It’s dying words time! Terezi is really affected because she really cares for John, and also they had a ‘emotionally significant sexual encounter’, so she’s even willing to listen to all the sappy stuff John will say in his deathbed. This is bound to be rather emotional! And the fact he can’t even think of something appropriate to say in his final moments is what makes it emotional because this isn’t how he imagined this would go. He can’t even think of quotes from his movies. Terezi offers to tell everyone John Egbert said some cool stuff in his final moments and make everybody believe it somehow, so instead John goes straight towards the sappy and tragic. There he goes!

JOHN: i think... i really lo—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3

JOHN: i... r-really lov—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3 FUCK1NG D13 ON M3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 LOV3 CONF3SS1ON!

TEREZI: 1 FORB1D 1T!!!

JOHN: but... i...

JOHN: i...

Then John dies in the middle of a love confession.

Love confession on the deathbed! It’s like this truly came from a movie, haha. Terezi is devastated, so much she can’t even bring herself to cry properly. Once she confirms he’s dead, she ponders what she should do now, alone in the world John wanted to bring her to. She doesn’t have anything else to do, so after a moment – and at Dirk’s behest – she takes John’s corpse in Dad Egbert’s wallet and starts walking.

It has been a month already. Jane won the election after what I figure was Jake’s endorsement speech for her, so that’s that. Terezi has been rather lost this whole month, and nobody has seen John Egbert – instead of saying he’s dead -- so I suppose she hasn’t told anyone he’s dead. Rose has been missing the entire time and Kanaya has been pushed around by Dirk’s machinations to keep him distracted while he keeps Rose locked away somewhere, both mentally and physically, I figure. All in all, it’s a pretty grim outlook for everybody in Homestuck. Also, Jade is still in coma. Terezi goes to visit her, perhaps to tell her what happened to John?

Dirk continues being so salty Roxy’s experimenting with her gender, apparently. Aren’t there a million other things to deal with, pal?

Roxy is very glad to see Terezi, and she takes Terezi thinking she’s Dave as a compliment. She also compliments Terezi, giving her some heartache because it makes her remember the time she spent with John. It may have been a few hours, apparently. Time works in mysterious ways up there in paradox space!

The reason Terezi is here is because she feels John would come here, and she’s right, I bet. John would want to check on Jade as much as he can, so now that she’s carrying John’s cadaver around, she feels she should handle this all herself. It’s also confirmed she hasn’t told anyone John is dead.

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out

ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home

ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

TEREZI: WH4T?

ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise

ROXY: some of it is like

ROXY: weird and violent??

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um

ROXY: nudity????

TEREZI: >:?

ROXY: yeah yikes

ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit

ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

ROXY: so it was hard as hell to convince them to let me come see jade at all

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized

ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

So the end result for Calliope is that she’s traumatized. Seeing a dead version of herself possessing Jade must have really rattled her. As I said, this is all pretty grim for everyone in Homestuck, goodness. Although...part of me wonders if her current state is partly because of Dirk’s influence. He’s petty enough to mess with the living Calliope’s head as a ‘take that’ for Dead Calliope.

Someone tries to contact Terezi through her phone, she’s not sure who it’d be. Perhaps Dirk? He did show a preference to sending messages to his former friends and acquaintances. As if things weren’t awkward enough for Terezi, she’s asked if she knows what happened to John. Terezi, you can’t keep this under wraps forever. Sooner or later you have to tell everyone John died because of injuries in Lord English’s fight.

It seems Terezi can hear Dirk perfectly even when he’s talking in the narration, I suppose it’s because of her aspect. Oh, be careful with the stuff you say, Dirk! She’s also willing to whisper stuff to address Dirk, even if it gets odd looks from other people. On the other hand, this kind of leaves her more vulnerable to Dirk’s machinations, no? Part of manipulating people is responding to what they say, so with some luck this won’t go belly-up.

Once the conversation is over Roxy leaves and Dirk exposits Terezi still feels guilty about hiding John’s death from everyone, and she can’t even confide in Dave because of mistakes she did as a teenager in another timeline. It’s the curse of having the Mind aspect, isn’t it? Knowing what the choices cause. All of Dirk’s exposition bothers Terezi enough for her to tell him to scram, and he refuses to do so.

Come on, Terezi. You don’t belong here. You know you don’t belong here.

Do you feel threatened by Terezi, Dirk? Is that why you’re trying to push her away? I don’t think Terezi has anything that could be particularly useful against Dirk’s plans, so I’m not sure why he’s bothering to mess with her like this. She even points out they barely have crossed words.

Okay, I believe he feels threatened by her in some manner because he tries to convince her to join him in...some place. More like he wants her out of Earth C. He even offers to let her take John with her, which is why I’m sure he made her pick up the corpse, so he could manipulate her by using John. He finally leaves her alone with her thoughts, sure he managed to convince her enough. We’ll see.

Stopping for now!

Next time: next update

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

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dork-empress · 6 years

Text

Yellow Flowers and Punch

Rating: General Audiences

Category: M/M

Fandom: Trollhunters (Cartoon)

Relationship: Steve Palchuk/Eli Pepperjack

Characters: Steve Palchuk Eli Pepperjack Toby Domzalski Darci Scott Mary Wang Shannon Longhannon

Additional Tags: First Dates Homecoming Bad date Bullying Alcohol

Eli waits anxiously for his first 'date' with Steve, but some of Steve's friends arrive to spoil the party

I was going to have this as one section of a 5+1 I'm writing, but it exploded so I'll do something else for that section.

Goes along with my fic 'You're Alright' but can probably be read independently, theres just reference to the fact Steve asked Eli to homecoming.

“Mooooom,” Eli whined, “It’s not prom, you don’t need to take pictures.”

“But you have a DATE!” She said, practically jumping up and down, “And you look so handsome and fancy! We have to commemorate the occasion.”

Eli groaned and mumbled under his breath that it wasn’t a date. Though, truth be told he wasn’t sure about that. Steve had asked him out to the dance while they were stargazing and had spelled out the question in christmas lights, which was romantic as all hell and made Eli strongly believe his heart was going to burst. But still, Steve had never said it was a date, and Eli didn’t want to assume.

Then again, he’d never said it was ‘just as friends’ either. His heart did a little jump every time he reminded himself of that.

The doorbell rang. “Oh! That’s probably him!” His mother squealed, going to answer before Eli could move.

“Mom don’t--” Eli wasn’t even sure what he was going to warn his mother against, but he felt like there should be something.

Ignoring her son, Mrs. Pepperjack opened the door to reveal Steve, standing with a flower in hand. “Oh, how sweet! Eli, come look.” Eli came over, shrugging his shoulders. Flowers...that was DEFINITELY Romantic, right?

Steve smiled. “You look nice,” Eli looked down at his own outfit, a green button down and khaki slacks. His mom made him wear a tie, shiny and silver. She had to tie it for him.

“Thanks,” He said, rubbing the back of his neck, “you too,” Steve was a bit more classic, white shirt, blazer, and bow tie. Eli wondered if he was nervous too.

Steve handed him the flowers, “here,” he said a touch too forcefully. Eli smirked, taking them. They were yellow, and didn’t look in the best condition. Yellow flowers meant friendship, right? Oh god this was confusing.

“Thanks,” He said nervously.

“Here, let me take those and put them in water,”Mrs. Pepperjack snatched the flowers up and rushed to the kitchen, “don’t move! I need pictures of the both of you!”

“Mooom,” Eli whined, but Steve snorted.

“No worries, Mrs. P!” Steve smirked.

Neither of them met each other’s eyes or spoke as they waited. The photos were stiff and awkward, and then Eli rushed them both out of the house.

“I am sooooo sorry,” Eli said instantly, as Steve led him to his Vespa, “she gets excitable.”

“Gee, I wonder who that reminds me of,” Steve said. Eli frowned at him, “you’ve never seen the way your face gets when you talk about conspiracies have you?”

Eli covered his face, “is it bad?”

Steve chuckled, “Nah. Not at all.” He got on his Vespa, “Come on, let’s do this.”

Eli started shaking as they made their way into the gymnasium, while Steve stood up taller, emboldened by the presence of his schoolmates. Eli was not emboldened. Eli was terrified.

Immediately they were immersed in the low buzz of chatter covered by the music booming from the speakers. They’d gotten Krel to DJ this year, and it seemed like he was still trying some of his more experimental stuff. It was early enough in the dance that people weren’t really dancing yet, just milling. Eli’s eyes darted around the room, seeing where they could go, or what they could do.

“Hey, Steve,” A cold chill ran through Eli’s spine as he recognized the voice belonging to Brad, one of Steve’s football buddies. “What took you so long, man?”

Brad and their other friend, Kevin, came over, full bro stride in process. Eli knew exactly how fast he would have to walk to try and escape that stride, but he fought his instincts and stayed in place. “Hey, guys!” Steve said, grinning broadly, and unintentionally copying their posture. Eli wasn’t even sure he knew he was doing it. “Whatsup?”

Brad and Kevin came over, giving Steve the traditional bro-hug. Their eyes inevitably turned on Eli, and Kevin’s smirk turned to a scowl. “What’re you lookin’ at?”

Eli shrunk into himself, wishing upon wish that he could face high school bullies with the same confidence as he faced literal monsters.

Thankfully, he wasn’t alone this time. Steve shoved Kevin back, “Not cool man.” he said, frowning and beefing himself up to the perfect ‘alpha male’ posture. “I told you to lay off him now.”

“Yeah, man,” Brad said, snickering, “Didn’t you here. Little buddies a full-grown freak-slayer now.” Brad hooked Eli into a half-Nelson and noogied the top of his head. It was a stupid thing to be thinking about, but he worked hard on his hair! He didn’t want it messed up.

“Well, takes one to slay one, I guess,” Kevin said, laughing, “Steve, come on, Brad got stuff to spike the punch bowl, it’s gonna be hilarious.”

Steve actually laughed, and it felt like a punch to Eli’s gut. “Yeah, sure, sounds fun,” Steve said, “I’ll keep cover.”

Brad and Kevin walked as non-chalantly over to the snack table as they could, which wasn’t exactly subtle. Steve went to follow and Eli grabbed his arm. “You’re not actually going to spike the punch bowl, are you?”

Steve shrugged, “Why not? It’s funny.”

A hundred responses flew by Eli’s mind, and he didn’t know where to start. “You’re going to get in trouble!” he said urgently, wishing he could whisper, but it was impossible with the music. It sounded like whale songs.

“Only if I get caught,” Steve said with a wink, that Eli would have found charming if he weren’t so devastated. “I’ll come find you after, ok? The dance should have picked up by then. Alright?”

Eli wanted to explain how what Steve was doing was wrong, wanted to yell at him for leaving him two minutes after they arrived...but all he did was say, “Alright” and watch as Steve ran off.

And there he was, stranded in a hot, stuffy room with all his classmates. In other news, his worst nightmare. Well, one of his worst nightmares. It was in the top 5.

His tie started feeling too tight, and no matter how many times he adjusted it, it felt like a noose. The music was pounding in his ears with no sense of melody. Whatever it was made his blood feel like it was pulsing out of his eardrums, ready to burst.

He heard a familiar voice and picked his head up. “Hey, Eli!” the words became clear through the music. Toby was calling him. “Come over here!”

Reluctant to move from his spot, Eli made his way over. Toby was with Darcy (dressed in her mascot costume for some reason) Aja, Shannon, and Mary. Darcy and Shannon were chatting about something, Mary on her phone, either trying to text, take a selfie, or both, it was unclear, and Aja was dancing along to Krel’s odd music, in moves Eli had never seen. “Hey, what’s up!” Toby said, “You ready to battle it out for homecoming king?”

“Oh, y-yeah,” Eli said. He’d been so consumed with worry about his date, he’d forgotten the competition, “Can’t wait.”

“So, we’re trying to form a dance circle,” Darcy said, being pulled from her conversation with Shannon, “You know, really get the party started.”

“You can dance with me, for now!” Mary said, “My date from Northwest Oaks is running late, and Shannon says she’ll dance with Aja.” They all turned to the platinum blonde briefly, but then Mary put a hand to her mouth and did her best to whisper, “Although we haven’t figured out HOW yet.”

Eli swallowed. It was nice of her to say so, everyone knew the popular girls didn’t really like to be seen with the complete-total-loser boys. The very cynical part of Eli’s brain wondered if it was because she knew he was gay, and was only willing because she might get a ‘cool gay best friend.’ Some girls had tried to put him in that position before. It did not work out. “Um, actually,” he said, “I’m with someone.” He didn’t specify whether he meant at the dance or in life. Frankly, he didn’t know.

The girls didn’t mind, cooing as one “oooOOOOooooh,” “Eli’s got a date!” Shannon said.

“Oh my gosh!” Mary said, jumping on the balls of her feet, “WhoisitwhoisitwhoISIT?!”

Eli blushed and massaged the back of his neck. “Steve,” he said, soft enough they might not have heard.

Their blank stares told him they did. “Wait,” Toby said, blinking as though he was trying to figure out a math problem. “You mean, Steve Palchuk? That Steve?”

“Yeah,” Eli said, shifting uncomfortably. It had seemed like such a wonderful idea at the time, but now….now he wasn’t sure.

“Wow,” Shannon said, trying to sound intrigued, “I--definitely wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yeah,” Darci agreed, “I mean, I heard you guys were doing that...that creepslayer thing, right?” Eli nodded, “Well, I guess he’s changed a lot in the past year.”

“He has,” Eli said, meaning it, as he smiled. “We’ve spent a lot of time together this summer, it was great.”

“Aw, thats nice,” Mary said, “Where is he now?”

Eli’s face fell. He didn’t know how to explain or excuse what Steve was doing.

“Well, as long as you’re happy,” Shannon said.

Was he happy? Eli shifted uncomfortably. “I…” Eli swallowed, “I have to go.”

He ran out of the gym as quickly as he could without bringing too much attention to himself. He wasn’t sure how much success he had there, but it was an attempt.

As a general rule, he tended to avoid public school bathrooms, choosing instead to go right before class, and once right when he got home. It was dirty and covered in graffiti, a great deal of it inappropriate, and he didn’t even want to think about what was under his shoes. Still, this was his best shot at avoiding Coach Lawrence wandering around the school looking for strays.

He locked himself in a stall, resting his back on the back of the door. He took a breath, trying to figure out whether it was worth calling his mom to come pick him up. He sniffed, remembering how excited she was. Remembering how excited HE was. He really thought he and Steve had a chance.

The bathroom door opened and he stood still. “Hey, Eli, you in here?”

Eli stood perfectly still, trying to move as little as possible. It was Steve. Eli wasn’t sure he wanted to see him right then. “Eli,” Steve said, “I can see your zip slips underneath the stall door.”

Dammit. Reluctantly, he stepped out of the stall, hanging his head. “Hey,” Steve said, his voice going down to his kind voice and reaching out to hold Eli’s arms. “What’s going on?”

Eli shrugged, and tried to turn away, but ever so gently, Steve turned him back. “Talk to me.”

“Why would you want to talk to me now?” Eli muttered, “you seemed fine just talking to your friends.”

Steve frowned, “What? Are you talking about Brad and Kevin? We were just messing around a bit, I told you I’d be right back.”

Eli rolled his eyes, “That’s what you call ‘messing around?’ Spiking everyone’s punch?”

“Oh come on,” Steve said, “It’s funny!”

“It’s not!” Eli said, his voice raising, “It’s bullying!”

The word hit Steve like a bulldozer. He visibly recoiled, letting Eli’s arms go. “What? No it isn’t! It’s just a stupid prank, we’re not picking on anyone.”

“Getting people drunk who don’t want to be is mean!” Eli said, “Even if it’s not directed at one person, it’s STILL mean!”

Steve gawked at him, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “It--It’s just watered down vodka!” he said, “People probably won’t even notice that stuff.”

“If they won’t notice, what’s the fucking point?” Eli said, feeling all his despair turning to anger. Steve gaped at him, not able to respond, “God, why do you even hang out with those guys?”

“What, Brad and Kevin?” Steve said, “They’re my friends!”

“Are they?” Eli asked, “You never saw them over the summer, I know ‘cause you were with me most of that time. You guys only seem to hang out at football or when you’re picking on people.” Eli very generously said ‘people’ and not ‘me.’

“Hey, we’ve gotten a lot better recently,” Steve said, “We’re learning.”

“YOU’RE learning,” Eli said, “Around me, at least. You go right back to being mean and aggressive when they’re around. And they….” he trailed off, not even knowing how to describe Kevin and Brad.

Steve’s brow furrowed. “Eli, have they done something to you when I wasn’t there?”

Eli didn’t know how to answer that either. They respected Steve’s wishes to leave Eli alone, with physical stuff at least. They didn’t stop their snide comments, though, and Eli would always remember being in middle school with them. Steve didn’t know how awful they could get. “Kevin literally just called me a freak in front of you.”

“What?” Steve asked, “No he didn’t!”

“Brad said I was a ‘freak-slayer’ and Kevin said ‘it takes one to slay one.’”

Steve spluttered, “That--that was just messing around,” Steve said. “He was just teasing you, we tease each other all the time.”

“Well his ‘teasing’ feels a lot like ‘bullying,’” Eli said, “And I would know.”

Steve actually flinched, and that made Eli feel both guilty and a bit satisfied at the same time. “We didn’t mean anything,” He said, “I’ll tell them to stop.”

Eli took a deep breath, “Fine,” he said, “And you have to tell Coach Lawrence about the spiked punch.”

“What?” Steve said, “Come on, Eli, it was just a joke!”

“It’s mean!” Eli said, “There are ways to pull pranks without hurting them! And besides that it’s just a jackass move!”

Steve blinked at him, “Did you just call me a jackass?”

Eli swallowed, his sudden burst of confidence starting to fade. “Well, you’re being one right now.”

Steve bit his tongue, turning to lean on the bathroom wall, something Eli would not have done, especially in Steve’s nice outfit. “This is a pretty terrible first date isn’t it?”

Eli blinked, feeling a shock go through his system. “So, this WAS a date…”

Steve looked up, in shock. “Of COuRSE it was a date!” he said, his voice breaking. “I LITERALLY spelled it out in lights and...and I took you out stargazing….and I. I got you flowers!”

“See, I thought that,” Eli said, blushing, “But you hadn’t said it, and like, the flowers were yellow, and I think that means friendship? Or I heard that once, anyway.”

“They do?” Steve said, “Flip!” He sighed and looked off to the side, “I knew I shouldn’t have waited til last minute to buy those.”

Eli bit his lip, stepping forward. “Well, I did WANT it to be a date…” Eli said, rocking himself back and forth, “I mean, that’s why I wasn’t sure, I thought maybe I was just looking to into things or maybe had wishful thinking or something.”

Steve frowned at him. “Stop it,” he said.

Eli tilted his head, “Stop what?”

“Stop being so cute.” Steve said, “I’m in emotional turmoil here.”

Eli couldn’t help but chuckle. He stepped forward, “I’m sorry for yelling at you. And lecturing you. And calling you a jackass….”

Steve sighed, “No, you were right. I am a jackass.”

“Hey,” Eli said, “Look, you really HAVE been being better. I wouldn’t have agreed to what may possibly have been a date if you hadn’t.” He stepped right in front of Steve.

Steve hung his head, “I just….I want to be a good person. I’m trying. I just keep messing up.”

“That’s ok,” Eli said, Steve frowned up at him. “No, really. Look, you were….kinda terrible for a long time.” Steve winced, “But no one’s cursed to be like that. You’re trying to be better, and thats huge. One mistake doesn’t set that back. It’s just a matter of KEEP trying.”

Steve groaned. “It’s hard.”

“Being a good person usually is,” Eli agreed, “But that’s what it means to be a creepslayer.”

Trying to be encouraging, Eli held up his half of the symbol. With a smirk, Steve completed it. “I’m glad I have you around to help me.”

Eli smiled, “Of course.”

They both dropped their hands. “Hey, Eli,” Steve said, “Can I ask you on a date? A real date? Next Friday, maybe?”

Eli nodded, “Yes.”

Steve’s face broke into a grin. “Nice,” Steve got back up and wrapped Eli up in a hug. Eli froze up for a moment, but relaxed, holding Steve close.

Eli smiled to himself, resting on Steve’s chest. Steve rocked him slowly back and forth. “Hey, Steve?” Eli said. Steve hummed in answer, “As romantic as it is standing in the middle of the boys’ bathroom…”

“You wanna head back to the dance?”

“That would be best, yes.”

They seperated and Steve held out his hand. Blushing, Eli took it and let Steve lead him out.

Back in the gymnasium, the dancing had picked up, playing some modern EDM music. Eli enjoyed the snack table while Steve went over to talk with Coach Lawrence, before making his way back. “Well, I’m grounded,” he said, “AND I have Saturday detention, which I think having one person give two different punishments is just too much,” He scowled over to where Coach Lawrence was removing the punch bowl, “But, I get to stay at the dance.”

Eli smiled, “That’s great,” he said, getting Steve a cookie. “I guess we’ll have to push the date back?”

“Oh flip,” Steve said, sighing. “Well...the grounding only lasts until the detention next week. So, why don’t we have the date then? I’ll pick you up after?”

Eli nodded, “Sounds good.”

Steve smiled, reaching down to grab Eli’s hands, pulling him to the outskirts of the crowd. “Wait,” Eli said, pulling back, “Steve I’m really bad at dancing.”

Steve shrugged, “Me too,” he said, “Come on.”

And they were. They were so bad at dancing. If either of them were trying to do it themselves, no doubt they would be embarrassed, but together, they had fun. Eventually, Aja wandered over to them, seeming to be inspired by their erratic movements, which brought over Toby, Darcy, Mary, and Shannon.

They retired back to the tables, laughing together and eating way too many unhealthy foods. Eli could feel some of his classmates stares at them, and worse, saw Steve noticing them, and looking a little self-conscious. He knew the both of them must have seemed like an odd pair. Still, Eli had fun.

The music died down, and people looked up at the stage. “Settle down, students!” Ms. Janeth said, “It is now time to announce the homecoming king and queen. This year’s queen, is…Darcy Scott!” Darcy cheered in her mascot outfit, but more than her, Toby was practically jumping up and down. The both of them ran up to the stage, the crown lowering a crown onto Darcy’s head.

“And this year’s King is….Eli Pepperjack.”

Eli’s eyes went wide as he stared up at the stage, unsure if he could trust his own ears. Heads from all across the gymnasium turned to him, “Come on, Peppers!” Steve said, grabbing his shoulders, “It’s the year of Eli!” He pulled Eli up onto the stage, like a marionette on strings being poorly puppeted.

He then felt like his strings got cut when Steve let him go so Ms. Janeth could put the crown on his head. He turned all around, but in that half second, Steve had disappeared, Toby was there, smiling at him and clapping, as was Darcy. In the crowd he saw Brad and Kevin snickering, and it made him more afraid the longer he didn’t have Steve next to him.

“Steve?” He said softly, “Steve?”

“Right here,” Steve said, appearing at his side, “Just had to talk to Krel.”

“Krel?” Eli asked, confused under the heavy lights. He felt like he was going to fall over as he twirled to the DJ. Krel was going through a playlist, frowning, and picking one.

Familiar synth notes filled the gymnasium, making Eli perk up his head even through his anxiety. “Is this...is this what I think it is?” He asked

One moment later, they were being serenaded by the wonderful voice of Cyndi Lauper. Steve shrugged, “You like 80’s music right?”

Eli blushed. He never thought he would have his first real slow dance to the song ‘Time after Time,’ but he wasn’t sure if he could have picked a better one if he tried. MAYBE ‘Take my breath away’ but he was happy with this.

Steve pulled him in, grabbing his hips. Eli felt embarrassed that he seemed to be doing the ‘girls’ part, but even with a growth spurt, Steve was appreciably taller, so that helped. Across the stage, Darci and Toby were dancing. “So,” Eli said, “I guess this makes you my duke,” he said, as they both awkwardly swayed back and forth. It probably looked so dorky, but in the little bubble of Steve’s arms, Eli didn’t care.

“I’ll take it,” Steve said, swaying with him. “I guess this is me coming out to the school, huh?” He self consciously looked over his shoulder.

“I would tell you it gets better,” Eli said, “But it kinda only JUST did for me, so, I don’t know what’s going to happen now.”

Steve shrugged, “I mean, I kinda knew what I was getting into here,” he said, “I guess all we can do is just...keep dancing?”

Eli smiled and laid his head on Steve’s shoulder, “Sounds good to me.”

#trollhunters #tales of arcadia #Steli #Steve/Eli #Steve Palchuk #eli pepperjack #fic #laura writes

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11toe11-blog · 4 years

Text

Covid Sitayana

Ramayana was an epic scale epic. Since we did not have the bandwidth for more than one Ramayana or Mahabharata - we decided to ensure another Ramayana never happens.

So every other potential Sita was trained - a clear Line drawn - stand inside, well within the line.

“How many times should i tell you! Stay inside”

Sita - “but the cow…”

“What cow? No cow! Stay inside. Always remember the line. Everything outside is Ravana.”

____

Notes on Kalari -- Dr. Priyadarshan Lal

Warm body- warm up

Being able to stand on two feet requires great balance. Not any other mammals other than humans - who start erect. Core- balance ( like cycle/swimming)

Drawing associations of etymology. Letter of Tamil are distinguished as.

Mei-ezhuthu- Consonants. Mei --> Body

Uyir-ezhuthu - Vowels. Uyir-->Breath

---> Mei- payattu

8 types of postures:

Lion - cross legged and paw connect. Cross core

Elephant - simultaneous movements of the side. All of left shifts. Then all of right shifts.Strength.

Fish - turn. Flash turn.

Kukkuda/ rooster - flutter up and land

Horse straight

Boar -stright. lift.

Snake

Cat

All the postures appear in the meippayattu, obviously or subtly.

(*noticing how barteniff similarly constructed fundamentals based on evolutionary stages of embryo. In my experince so far, the manipulation of the jelly like that is strong and flexible and can contort and expand and realign etc, in connection with the breath, creates a posture if extended to the extremeties)

(pic courtesy: https://www.leisurepro.com/blog/explore-the-blue/5-harmless-species-jellyfish/)

___

Empty handed combat. Win over the enemy without fighting. (*love and empathy)

___

Adhara chakra

(*he didnt elaborate, but from the adishakti workshop of many years ago i remember that each posture has an associated chakra basis. Maybe the movement originates or is held or passed through that particular chakra. Im yet to experience it. For fish and horse and elephant maybe i sense it, but i cant be sure)

___

I feel close to being done writing about myself. And my vantage at this point. I feel it would be nice to explore a subject in writing.

Like kalari. And where kalari meets ramana. Not scholarly sense, but for me. So that i can discover for myself the connections i have made. And the questions and blind spots are clearer to me.

Looking at a dance journal called FUSE, i caught a glimpse of the dancer’s notes...the notes, the scores, seemed closer to my way of enquiring. Scores. Questions. Frames of observation.

What of the archetypes and narratives and characters?

“We’ll isn't it interesting, that as well as you know your characters and the relationships between them, you aret compelled by dialogues - what they say to each other seems to be of no import to you.”

Yes. I cant seem to care much for dialogues insipte of all that auditory hallucinations.

I feel - The dialogues are not spoken. They are actions. And in the body, their very being itself there is something alive and exchanging and transforming. SOmething that doesn't lean on words to do preliminary negotiations. Something that is, and goes in, and is being from the very start all they way. Like mom keeps saying, actions speak louder than words.

Yes. And in their moving around and relating back and forth to the space and movements and changing landscape of their emotions/memories/ etc… changes takes place… in ascertain kind of quietness. Cant call it silence. Or in a certain kind of silence. Cant call it quietness. Or is it a certain kind of silence.

But dialogues have no place there. Expect as inner soliloquies. May be as monologues. When it comes to rapid energy exchange, it physical. Not words. Because words are diversions at best.

Most of the time. They appear when there is no choice, but to speak. And then the words appear, and they appear crystal clear, to illuminate, to clarify. Not to veil and hide.

___

Form is created by tension. Last night i was watching the mind. Or rather something was watching the mind. And i was in the mind trapped in its incessant chatter and looking from outside. The incessant chatter seemed to originate from a tension at the base of the skull. From something taut, like a string of a musical instrument. Though not wholly a pleasant feeling.

In this tension, between this points of tension space is created and form appears. A is the tension between the two slanting lines whose base is pulled apart and wedged by a shot line. Form. Uyirzhuthu. K is the inclined upward and inclined downward push, directed to a particular single point on the vertical line.

Not sure if i would have been able to finally get a sense of the symbols used to denote english alphabets, if wasnt for my conversation with DK, aka Quirky.

Me: wait... i have more technical question ...how do you remember what you did on the floor?

and when does meaning emerge?

He: It's all in the flow

And it's the experience and the environment that the movement create that in turn gives the watching person to make meaning

Technically it's all about the flow and muscles memory

Me: but what of the mover? where is he/she finding meaning?

or is the meaning purely an experience of spatial truth?

He: Meaning is subjective isn't it

Me: yuss

He: It's like the color red and the redness of the read. Red

I guess redness of the red is what I am interested

Not what meanings people associated red with

Of course one can use association of the red to creat an emotion or mood but as a core the ness ness of something is the research

Me: do you at any point at all, as a mover dancer, remember being interested in what meanings people associated with red? or was it always about redness of red?

He: When is create it all about the Ness nesss but ofcourse once the composition and presentation of the idea start I do play with association of the given ideas or objects to create tention.

But I also know if I considered the association I am closing a lot of other posibal reading

It's a balancing act

Me: mmmm

He: If I address the association more often them not I will be taking stands and sides

Which may be use full for certain works

But as a for being true to the work I find it enriching to look for the nessness of the idea

Me: Ness-ness is nice. very nice. i supoose it the most neutral position available to you while fully innit - if i must intellectualise. but ya... when i was asking you, how do you rember, i was coming from a simplistic space of notaton and mnenomics. but this redness of red gives me a btter answer tothe unasked question.

He: I don't remember I am not wired like that

Dicklessli. Lol

Its all in the flow and muscle memory

And ofcourse repetition

Me: relieff

just came acrosss this https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/read/63113284/fuse1

He: The useal lol . Gay and tamil mami

Lol. I know of the person who runs this project

Me: trust you to massacre! Nut!

___

I dint quite understand what he meant by this “ He: When is create it all about the Ness nesss but ofcourse once the composition and presentation of the idea start I do play with association of the given ideas or objects to create tention. “ yesterday. This idea of creating tension using associations etc for the compositions and presentations and sharing… the point of outer reflection and feedback from the larger whole , as mirror. Like R says, “only when the play meets the audience does it become a play”, audience provides that vital energy - that space- witness. ANd thats when the possibilities of the play star unfolding.

What of traditional performers such as koodiyattam then? For whom the lamp is the only witness?

Also https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/06/the-aesthetic-of-silence-susan-sontag/

“Art is a technique for focusing attention, for teaching skills of attention… Once the artist’s task seemed to be simply that of opening up new areas and objects of attention. That task is still acknowledged, but it has become problematic. The very faculty of attention has come into question, and been subjected to more rigorous standards…

Perhaps the quality of the attention one brings to bear on something will be better (less contaminated, less distracted), the less one is offered. Furnished with impoverished art, purged by silence, one might then be able to begin to transcend the frustrating selectivity of attention, with its inevitable distortions of experience. Ideally, one should be able to pay attention to everything.”

“So far as he is serious, the artist is continually tempted to sever the dialogue he has with an audience. Silence is the furthest extension of that reluctance to communicate, that ambivalence about making contact with the audience… Silence is the artist’s ultimate other-worldly gesture: by silence, he frees himself from servile bondage to the world, which appears as patron, client, consumer, antagonist, arbiter, and distorter of his work.”

Both of which i resonate with to whatever degree of my experience has been. This struggle of audience. And a certain withdrawal and dismissal and a sense of pursuit of something much larger than popularity or appreciation of peers. Which is questioned very starkly here by Sontag like a slap on the hand

“

Sontag recognizes that the gesture of silence in abdication from society is still “a highly social gesture.” She writes:

An exemplary decision of this sort can be made only after the artist has demonstrated that he possesses genius and exercised that genius authoritatively. Once he has surpassed his peers by the standards which he acknowledges, his pride has only one place left to go. For, to be a victim of the craving for silence is to be, in still a further sense, superior to everyone else. It suggests that the artist has had the wit to ask more questions than other people, and that he possesses stronger nerves and higher standards of excellence.”

Is that why i am still around. Hanging on nail and tooth. Because i havent proved myself in this world. That the way to Griffindor is through the corridors of Slytherine?

Ramana says, not necessary.

Kalari says, if necessary, come to the pit.

Eitherways, the presence and absence of a living fluid core makes a difference to the experience and perception of reality and the energy to keep observing past its frames. So i show up the pit everyday. One way or the other.

#kalaripayattu #ramana maharishi #tensigrity #theatre

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comicteaparty · 5 years

Text

March 11th-March 17th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from March 11th, 2019 to March 17th, 2019. The chat focused on Raison d'Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari and Leigh).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Raison d’Etre by Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)~! (http://raisondetrecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until March 17th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What do you believe are the nature and origin of Sachiko’s secret powers that make her Kregor’s target? What, if anything, might they have to do with Allie? What about the powers has supposedly killed Sachiko’s ancestors?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Yo! Funari here and I will make the time to check on messages this week when I can! Leigh and I will joint-answer through my name. I'll make sure to note when Leigh is answering :3 (ex. Leigh currently says "hello ") We can't wait to hear your thoughts!(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Why do you think Yukina was so insistent on going to France after Sachiko and Koyomiko disappeared? In what ways has she or her life changed that might help or hurt her future goals? What is up with her new memory powers?

RebelVampire

1) im gonna name two cause i can and nobody can stop me. the first more serious one is the scene where kregor shows up for rie and then the fight rolls out. ive really come to appreciate how the event is laid out since things go from great to bad to whoops life changing catastrophe. its made especially sad just cause rie and sachiko were so close to kind of resolved their spat but whoops, no resolution for anybody. it was just a great scene that really upped the stakes and kind of changed the course of the path in a was that was refreshing and unexpected. the second scene im gonna pick is that small like 2 page scene where kregor is sick and elianne told him to rest. Like...legit did not expect that. As far as their relationship has been shown, it seemed angry and more boss/employee. But apparently Elianne cares a little bit about Kregor and i just love that. 3) right now its koneko. Cause Koneko's motivations and origin is a mystery i want to see delved into now. Koneko seems to be pulling lots of strings in the bg and this has really got me intrigued. And selfishly i just basically love a good mystery character who is definitely immensely more than they appear.(edited)

RebelVampire

2) So umm, going with Occam's razor on this theory. It seems most likely some ancestor of Sachiko got down with an umbrian probably. Some umbrian who was probably related to Elianne. Or maybe even Elianne cause who am i to judge how old Elianne is. I 100% think Allie is the manifestation of the powers and they're just all kind of shadow related. I just assume the ancestors were killed because theyre not the sort of powers the human body is supposed to be able to handle. 4) Honestly, I don't have good theories about the france choice. Although I do think that it might have been emotionally driven. Like people who suffer really horrific events usually don't want to be in places that remind them of it. So it makes sense Yukina would just want to gtfo of there. And France is at least semi familiar and has Cassandra. I think in terms of life change, I think shes just mostly matured more. So in essence is more fit to handle some of the emotional complications of what she needs to do. As for the memory powers, well, she is biologically Sachiko's daughter or so has been confirmed. And if Sachiko has weird powers that get her hunted, it stands to reason Yukina probably inherited something too. Something that might be muddling her normal Ascendant powers perhaps. But I definitely think she'll find a way to use it to help Sachiko and Koyomiko.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Koneko is a beloved character for sure. He is cute, he is cuddly (great for comfort!) He is...also apparently kinda good for saving lives!

And I had to look up what Occam's Razor was oop. But that's what Google is for! It IS a rather interesting take. We like to mix simple reasons within some complex ones to keep folks guessing. Is this one of the simple ones? We'll have to wait and see how it unfolds Though the "Elianne is litterally related to Sachiko" theory is one of the more popular ones even within the C14 server so you're not alone there!

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

One thing we can confirm, though, is that, yes...Yuki moved to France to get away from the bad reminders, the bad memories. Sadly it was just too much after the incident happened...The move wasn't an instant cure, either, but over time, it helped. She did meet a new girlfriend there!

snuffysam

One thing I'm curious about is when Allie first started appearing, how Sachiko reacted to her new powers, and so on. We haven't seen the shadow powers in any of the journal flashbacks in Part One, and we know Yukina's memory powers didn't start manifesting until recently, so maybe there's a connection there.

Alternatively, maybe Kregor REALLY goofed up that torture prison spell he used on Sachiko that one time and accidentally gave her some of Elianne's power.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Special 5 is a pretty fun read regarding that :3

http://www.raisondetrecomic.com/uastitle.html (for those that have read at least up to Ch 5, otherwise it's spoilers~)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

The question hasn't been fully answered, but hints have happened for a bit, kinda leading to Part 2 (which will finally explain it...over time, heh)(edited)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

A lot of the stuff since Chapter 5 has been with the help of Leigh. She's a really good writer that can put all these ideas together well while still keeping some things secret until "the time is right". I had a direction I wanted to go with this, but tended to get too wordy or expositiony at times. She helped reel that back a bit and organize it.

She's also good at working with what she's given even if it's not a lot, and boy, did I give her a hodge-podge of stuff from Part 1 lol But it's coming along nicely, I think~

She said she loves that @RebelVampire was surprised and enjoyed the sick!Kregor-Elianne interaction from Ch 6

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

If you guys don't mind, we would like to add our personal answers to Question #1~ For Leigh, it's a tie between two scenes in particular. One is Elianne's "I CAN'T LEAVE THIS PLACE!" scene in Chapter 6, especially the cats in the background as it's happening... and Nozomi's spectacular toss of Miko in Chapter 4 ("GET OUT")...especially when you consider how small Nozomi is (she's almost 5 feet tall exactly) As for me...it's kinda hard to pinpoint just one or two xD But I think I kinda like Special 3 in general. Especially for this page alone

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you believe that Yukina will be able to save Sachiko and Koyomiko? How might the lessons from the journals help Yukina in this endeavor? Do you think she still has more insight to gleam from them?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Journal lessons, huh? > :D (SFW, just a little silly; a recent question answered)

AV-chan

Here's some of my inputs but I'll have to answer what I can still remember. In regards to Yuki's powers, I sense that it's either an evolved form of Sachiko's powers or branch type since Yuki does need to touch someone to activate it. Who knows what surprises we'll see I think I mentioned a fav scene before but I'll input another recent one that I liked... It's the specials where Miko was training to get buff again and Nozomi taunts her until she goes all out

That answer is really funny and cute @Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oh yes. GET IN SHAPE!! (We hope to get the final part out soon but it has a good pause point atm!)

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

We're really enjoying the Yuki's powers theories by the way!

snuffysam

6) You know, I'm not sure Yukina will be the one to save Sachiko and Koyomiko. The animal buddies seem to be doing a decent job already, and I'm not sure they'll recruit some kid to help them. Though she could use her powers to restore their memories once they're rescued?

RebelVampire

that just makes me picture yukina slamming the door dramatically saying "I'm here to save you." and then everyone and the cats are just having tea saying nah we good.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Lmao

That's a pretty hilarious image xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Aaand...a picture happened.

RebelVampire

omg thats great XDXDXDXD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Thank you

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Who exactly is Koyomiko’s pet cat and why did Elianne call him a renegade? Who is his white haired companion helping him? Why are they helping? How is Elianne a key to Shiva’s vengeance?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: CAT QUESTION! :D

RebelVampire

5) definitely this one from the climax before the time skip. http://raisondetrecomic.com/chfivep40.html I love the use of the silhouette cause it really contrasts well with the yellow. i also like the angle is from over kregor's shoulder so it kind of makes the sort of distance view that really forces you to be in awe of this immensely show of power. 6) I'm kind of in the same thinking as @snuffysam in that Yukina will help restore their memories while the cat folk do the heavy lifting. Cause they really have done the hard part of getting them away from Elianne, cause now Elianne's only retaliation is to send Kregor. and well...Kregor has the cant even do one job disease it seems since he only even got sachiko and koyomiko by complete accident. XD I do think the journals might help though. Maybe it'll be like the Butterfly Effect or Life is Strange where she accesses memories by reading them.

RebelVampire

7) Probably Nozomi and Koyomiko, even though its been a while since then. On the whole Nozomi interests me as a character cause she seems to have changed the most significantly from when she was a kid to when shes an adult. And its really interesting to see the effects that those around her have had on her and how those relationships have changed. 8) I feel like Koneko is like some guardian who broke with society to stand against Elianne specifically. Or that he was somehow related to the people who originally imprisoned Elianne. Which if it's that latter one, I assume the other companion not Shiva is part of the same group. Shiva maybe too in a way, but I feel Shiva is trying to strike at an old acquantaince of Elianne's, cause maybe Elianne's past deeds were bigger than just her. Like she fell in with the wrong crowd or something. But to summarize, I think theyre like some fringe group about protecting people from people like Elianne who are less touchable maybe. As for why helping, I think Koneko is actually just pretty selfish and wants to save Koyomiko no matter the cost.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: (re: question 8 with @RebelVampire ) that was the point with Nozomi actually! Glad to see the comment on her. She is definitely a complex character and will be shown more in upcoming parts

Nozomi has a lot of concept sketches plotted out and has been a big focus behind the scenes, heh~

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

And, while we can't spoil, we can confirm that the light-haired companion to Koneko is the Celestial version of what Koneko is (which has been mentioned as being some sort of Umbrian)

Very similar characteristics, yet they both have some tiny variations~

Which DOES make one wonder....if the butter-cat can shift into a human form, does that mean Koneko has one, too?

RebelVampire

yes O_O

there is not a doubt in my mind he can

well could

cause i believe its either he wont or he cant anymore

i am just waiting for the day its real and then you flood the world with all the human pics O_O

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hehehheheh

RebelVampire

actually tbf creators do a lot of what if pics so even if its not real there may be human pics someday

so you know what

my win regardless

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: It helps that you know he's going to be a handsome devil :p

RebelVampire

its true XD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Leigh: I mean, come on, look at him:

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What did Elianne do in the past that got her trapped and considered unwelcome in Umbria? What do you think she intends to do if she gets free? What’s in it for Kregor?

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oooh, the art questions are the most curious

RebelVampire

9) One detail I think deserves attention story wise is Koyomiko's changing use accent. I find it vastly interesting that she has it as a kid/teen, doesn't have it as an adult, and then suddenly has it again post memory loss. It's a real curiosity and makes you wonder if the loss of accent is actually a conscious effort on her part everything. But also I just enjoy the consistency in that since doing consistent changes in accent in this manner can be an easy thing to forget. Art wise, I love the details in Rie's design that always seem reminiscent of a fox. Like the pointy tooth or pointy ears. Like even her hairstyle somehow invokes that feeling of fox, and I love that. 10) I feel like Elianne was just power hungry and delved into forbidden stuff. Like not world take over domination. But more just was like didn't draw any lines of ethics and wanted power for the sake of power? Mostly this theory stems from she doesnt strike me as a world domination type. Since so far her goal consists of "id just like out of this cave plz and thank you." I think the first thing she'll do when she gets free is go to starbucks so she can savor ordering her own coffee. And then ya know, plot revenge against those who imprisoned her or get her powers back if she gets free sans powers. As for Kregor, IDK man. Maybe he just likes money or maybe he deserves employee of the year award for being the most loyal employee ever.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

The little details: Miko's speech patterns

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Sachiko's head movements as an adult (phone doesn't have spoiler tags) is another thing we made sure to note

€heshire777

You can do spoiler tags on mobile, just put || on both sides of it.

like so

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Well just in case it doesn't work (have had update issues before), I managed to be vague anyway lol

RebelVampire

truly a beacon of inspiration to minions everywhere XD

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. How might Koyomiko and Elianne’s powers being opposite be significant to the story? Do you believe this gives Yukina an advantage in some way since she’s also an Ascendant?

Menchi

Finally found my way here, but I'll start by answering the two newest questions: 11. Frankly the strength of the comic so far has been continuing a story that feels unique compared to anything I have read before, juggling the feel of a slice of life story while building up to a big adventure. Also I'd like to throw in how surprising it was for plot to progress, the signs there for the story to go further but the bait and switch about how the story would progress was certainly amusing. :)

as for 12: I had not given it that much thought before now, perhaps in a "Only I can defeat you kind of way", though from the story so far that might be too obvious. ^^ but i could see Yukina being very effective at least in nulifying and protecting others from Elianne's abilities.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

@Menchi - Leigh is to the one to compliment with that. She has done an amazing job with the storytelling and coherency. Inks have gotten much better thanks to her too!

Menchi

heh, you been a good team together ^^

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Thanks. Means a lot. I had these ideas for a long time but she helped put it all nice and coherent~

Also the theories about Yuki (all of them)give us life

Menchi

Then begin the Yuki is the true bad guy theories xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Ohhhhnoooo

Menchi

Yuki goes pure evil, Rie has to bring her back from the bring, cue feel good story of the year xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

YuRi shipper ;p

Menchi

i admit it :p

Menchi

1. Now thats a tricksy one, but I would say my favorite storyline is at the start of chapter 3, when (without spoiling too much in case people drop in) the certain parts of the story start to cross together much more, and their involvement together became much more apparent. That it wasn't just a story that was looking into the past.

2. I am still holding to the belief that her father is some kind of Umbrian, or perhaps something else altogether... that or her father played with forces he cannot comprehend. :P For the other parts of this question I am unsure, but I am very curious to see where they go with these plot threads.

snuffysam

we do know at least one dad that lied about being an umbrian

could very well be two

i think the most unique aspect of the comic is its story structure. the first part is technically told entirely from yuki's perspective, but she's finding out about the past through others' recollections. and they're also potentially unreliable narrators, as seen through the chapter where koyomiko and nozomi argue with each other over the story of their meeting. it really gets into those themes of memory that I hope will be explored further in part 2

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Oh, Kazuo....He was definitely in some huge trouble...

I mean, can you imagine how that first secret came out based on what Nozomi said in that Interlude?

snuffysam

was caught sniffing a dog in the park

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Kazuo: Oh, I love you Nozomi Nozomi: I love you, too. Let's get married. Kazuo: Okay! (few months later) Nozomi: Oh, Kazuo, I'm pregnant! Kazuo: Oh....Um, I guess it's about time I told you that I'm actually a kitsune. Nozomi: WAT

snuffysam

AND HE DIDN'T EVEN MENTION THAT HE WAS ROYALTY OR THAT HIS FIRSTBORN WOULD BE TAKEN AWAY AFTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL

he's in the doghouse for sure

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hoooooo boy

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Also a minor correction: Rie is the second kid Understandable to think it was 'firstborn' since that's how the trope usually goes but Hiroki is safe xD

snuffysam

ah yes that's true

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Nozomi had Rie knowing full well at that point that her kids were going to be halflings but then THAT happened and he kept it a secret when he really shouldn't have!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What other changes do you believe the time skip has brought? In particular, what do you think has happened to Rie in regards to her decision about the NKP and her destiny to be her clan’s Inari?

RebelVampire

11) I think the comic's strength is its use of personal perspectives. Like whether its Yukina, Miko, Sachiko, or any other character, the comic does a really excellent job of switching to different perspectives at the right time to continue the story in emotionally compelling ways. It also makes the perspective changes worthwhile since each one youre always learning about each character on a more personal and intimate level that really helps connect you to them as the story ramps up. 12) I think it's gonna help when push comes to show since at the very least, yukina and koyomiko can probably defend themselves better against elianne compared to others. but other than that, im not seeing it have a big effect other than saving everyone's neck at the right time. 13) right now im just looking forward to seeing rie again and see what time skip rie looks like. and im just curious how everything worked out for her. also, human koneko. 14) I have an honest belief that Rie wants to stay in the NKP, but that shes struggling to get out of family obligations at the moment. And that she might have found a way, but it is tedious and drawn out. as for other changes in general, i feel like the NKP in general might have changed their policies a bit or something. at the very least, i hope they had a super big poster of Kregor that says "NKP's most wanted." which kregor brought to elianne to express his popularity.

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Ascendants are an interesting bunch. We're slowly learning more about them in the recent pages. At least, via quick comparison-like comments between folks involving Cassandra and Yuki's dad vs. Yuki and Miko(edited)

As for Rie, well, she's been shown in her adult form in recent updates ;3

snuffysam

i feel like rie wants to stay in the nkp, but that goal may waver slightly after sitting through all of tomoko's lectures...

i think there might be a strained relation between the nkp and umbria going forward. because, like, kregor was caught and sent to the umbrian courts, right? and yet, he was able to get out and snatch miko & sachiko. so the policy of "let umbrians deal with umbrian criminals" has some holes in it.

at least from nkp's point of view

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Hmm hhmmm

The lessons are important...but they sure are funny. Poor Rie xD

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

You know who is someone we want to show their reaction to what has happened since chapter 5? Rin. The founder of the Favreau-Tokyo Clanhouse, Sachiko's mom, Yuki's grandmother. She will appear soon once we're done with the hiatus but one wonders how she took it

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

Well, it's past midnight where I'm at and I figure the chat has quieted for the week, so with that, I'm gonna at least post this little thank-you doodle to those who stopped by this week before I forget. Thank you very much for the interesting questions and commentary!

snuffysam

thank you for being here and participating in the chat! it's always cool to see a creator at the tea party!

Funari (Raison d’Etre)

I try to whenever I can. I liked the week-long style better because I didn't have to make sure to take time off like I had to for the Thursday one xD This one I could jump in whenever I was available despite work in the way.

And Leigh was also here, at least in spirit. I just relayed her all the comments as they happened :3 She "answered" a few times, but for the most part, our reactions were too similar this time around to really do the separate comments

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Raison d’Etre this week! Please also give a special thank you to Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh) for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Raison d’Etre, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://raisondetrecomic.com/

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Funakounasoul#_=_

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A473RGN

Cloud Fourteen (Funari & Leigh)’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/c14comics

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #raison d'etre #funari #leigh #cloud fourteen

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pink-valkyrie · 7 years

Text

Serenity Knight One Piece OC

One Piece OC Serenity

Disclaimer: I do not own op or its characters.

Serenity Knight a beautiful blonde 22 year old woman with blue eyes, she started out with a very average life style as a child, until she gained the abnormal ability to see the future, (it started out as bits of her future if she were torn between decisions, then escalated to the people she touched and even major events to change the course of history) after those moments where she saw fragments of what may come she became ill, so she took refuge with the next towns doctor when her parents could no longer care for her, she learned about the medical field and how to treat most forms of injuries an illness but never found how to stop her abilities but she did learn to harness it. When the doctor passed a few years later she was on her own. Into her teenage years she became a fortune teller as way to make cash. Her money making methods cause her a great deal of trouble when she spoke what she knew to be the future. She had to learn to selfdefense when her customers didnt like her version of the truth. Instead of the reality she saw they wanted the blissful lies. So the young medical assistant turned fortune teller had to learn other means ways to survive. Reading alot as a child an well into her teenage years benefitted her greatly but she began to grow restless an long for adventure, so she began saving, the purpose for her desire to travel the world in her thirst for knowledge not just of medicine, not just her abilities, but of the world and the forbidden devil fruits. Serenity wished to obtain a time manipulation fruit. As a young girl she thought of the differences she could make if only she has the means to buy more time when tragedy happened. Most thought the seemingly studious young woman would try to lead a normal life an make what they called an honest living not the soothsaying she did. But they would be wrong. Serenity had already wanted to change the world, heal; no save others, change the future while bettering the present that was destined to be the past. Shortly after she had turned 18 she set sail for the new world. Where would she go marines, pirates, no she didn't think either of those would suit her and her life goal. She remember wanted posters from where she was young, she was off to find the revolutionaries and join them. Now age 20, she summarized their change wasn't bad at all. She could assist them with her ability, she could doctor the sick, and if necessary she wasn't a terrible fighter. She knew while on her journey she would encounter many dangers not just of the sea and nature, but of marine and pirates once she was accepted. Serenity gasped would they even accept such a person as herself. Someone so young. She was very passionate but would they find her useful. The future could change right, what would the need her for, they were revolutionist for goodness sakes, that's what they did over come any and all odds against them. But for that reason she admired them. Her train of thoughts were dampened with her realization. Serenity landed on the next island dragging her feet, maybe if she were really lucky she would bump into someone that could at least point her in the right direction. Lucky what a funny word she sighed. Her lucky ability wasn't something she'd wish on anyone else. It could be dangerous if anyone found out she really could see the future. Luck was on her side she grew up in such a small town that everyone that viewed her deemed her a fake.So many people with bad intentions in the world. She at least wanted a choice in who could have that power in there arsenal.Yes the marines were viewed by people as justice itself. But after a few incidents that occurred around the world she questioned many times what they'd do if they controlled her and her power..shivering at the thought she walked into a shady bar. Grabbing something to eat and a drink she sat at a table far from the bar an watched. Waiting for any sign of the people she memorized, listening to any conversations going on around. After she ate her food, she sipped her drink wondering how much longer it would take. Heck it'd been a year almost two already since she left the place she called home. Would she be chasing this seemingly unattainable dream forever. Suppressing a chuckle at the ridiculous conversation next to her. Finishing the drink she began to leave. She heard rumors they might be stationed here. It was a risk especially to do this in the middle of the day but she put up a sign. She was going to advertise herself and her talents. Changing her look she opened up shop near the center of town. Fortune Teller. What a way to make a living, most giggled walking by. Her fake politeness dwindled the second she saw a young girl approach her. Smiling brightly she'd decided she wouldn't charge the child. "Hello young lady, are you interested in having your fortune told. Since your my first customer of the day, it will be free of charge." The child brightened at that, "You can really do that? Free of charge are you sure? I'd be willing to hand my allowance over its only fair you be paid for your job." her eyes lighting up in wondered. "You're so polite. I assure you now it will definitely not be necessary, you will probably be my favorite costumer of the day." "What question/s do you want me to try to answer about you l looked in thought," the girl looked in thought. "If you perhaps wanted answers for someone else in question for an accurate reading they would have to be present," feeling guilty when a look of disappointment passed on the girls face, replacing it with a smile quickly she asked "okay then miss, can you tell me anything at all you see about my future." "You can call me Serenity, may I see your hand?" The girl smiled "Okay Serenity, my name is Layla, it is good to meet you." placing her hand in hers. At the moment of contact Serenity began to focus as many images flashed behind her as an through her mind. Smiling in relief as she saw most of the important events. As it would seem the girl before her would grow into a beautiful woman, leave this places for a much nicer one marry a great guy live a happy life and have children, growing old and passing away in her sleep." A tear ran down her face. The girls smiled faltered when seeing the tear. "Miss Serenity what is it? Is what you saw bad?" Coming back to reality she wiped her eye. "No Layla as I see it you will live a very happy an peaceful life when you leave this island. You'll marry a good man and have a couple of kids and live in my opinion a very fulfilling life. I can not tell you if I saw any hardships or if there would be any changes in your future. But I envy and wish for the future as I saw for you to play out exactly like that. Is that an acceptable answer." In stunned silence the girl blinked in wonder. Giggling "I know Layla its a lot to take in at first. It could change with decisions or event that happen, its not forever written in stone. Yours is by far one of the happiest and most peaceful, so please continue as you are. One never know the hand they are dealt and how to manage it. But if yours becomes a reality one day I will be happy for you." Finally cracking a grin Layla replied "Thank you Serenity. I'm happy to know I have much to look forward to in the future." An with a wave she began walking away. "I will go play with my friends now." Sighing as Layla left She had failed to realized how much these things affected her. The emotions she felt, the things she sometimes saw, she was reminded why she hated this ability it was very rare people live long happy lives. Even then there was no grantee. Lost in thought she failed to notice that after her costumer left the people began casting hateful looks. An making snide comments. Coming back to reality, the other reason narrowminded people with their own ideas of what a hoax her profession was. An while she could agree with them not all of the gypsy and soothsayers were a creditable bunch. She liked to think she was put in a different category. She readied herself as it seemed one of the few people who had watched the entire interaction from the beginning until its end were about to come an unleash there anger on her about her creditability was stopped by a figure in a cloak. Thats odd upon seeing the cloaked figures face they all turned tail and run. That wasn't a good sign, no one in the crowd even let out a whisper as they dispersed. A deep chuckle resounded from the person as he turned to face her. "Interesting profession you have, not a popular one though it would seem. But from watching with how you interacted with the kid, yours as it would seem is not a hoax." At that moment the air left my lungs. I had to thank a deity for granting my wish. Not only had I finally met a revolutionary I had met the leader. Dragon. Jolting back to reality "I am as you say not a hoax. But rather limited on what I can see. So many factors can change leaving many different outcomes. I’m sure you understand what I mean as no one person future is forever written in stone unless it and the person has passed. It was unreal after all the searching as hard as he his to find. Here was the leader of the people I had wanted to join. I'd have to prove myself worthy rather quickly to achieve my goal. It wouldn't be easy but this was what I wanted, beside he had knowly stepped forward to helped me when all those people were about to riot . Thats proof enough for me what kinda man he is. I quickly quoted pirates, marines, revolutionist, regular citizens the only thing for certain is about our lives we live, we die, and we all have different ideas about many things, ideas like about what the world we live in should be like. Smiling at him I finished my speech. Expecting him to walk on, laugh at me. He gazed at me. "An what is your belief?" It was a vague question, I hoped I'd give an acceptable answer. "A vague question, but one I think I can answer in my own way. I tend to side with most revolutionist, My belief is a change does need to come to the world. Not in the form of pirates, not in the form of corrupt gorvernment agents but in the form of the people themselves. I've always wanted to change the world, my power is limited, but I trained under a doctor and I learned to fight and survive growing up. But I believe I will help make a great change come to this world." I was met with silence and his face was shrouded in the darkness of his cloak. "Sorry I tend to ramble on about the things I care about. I'm not even sure I answered your question with that." Scratching the back of my head and sighing yep I just blew my only chance to make a change by chatting with the leader.. At that moment he grinned at me. "Change the world huh, lets go then." Dropping my arm at my side. "Go? with you?" I asked in wonder. This is was a miracle in itself. "Nevermind my stupid questions, If your asking what I think you are, I'll follow." Sounding as excited as a the child I'd spoken with earlier. Hiding his face more, he faced forward, "Lets grab your things and then will be off. I have a feeling you will be very helpful to our cause." With a confident and proud stride I began to where I docked my boat. Gathering the few things of value, I turned to follow my leader. The man I wanted to help change the world. "Your name?" "It's Serenity Knight, sir. " The movement of his cloaked head was all I needed to see to verify he heard me, didn't strike me as a talkative person. But then as I thought that "Welcome to the revolutionist Serenity the others will be glad I found someone with your skill set and ideology has joined us." Smiling I was about to utter a thank you when he spoke again. "I will apologize, I'm sure you find it funny I show up now. But I had to be weary of the rumors of a woman wanting to join the revolutionary army. I had to carry on with my business and see what kinda of person you were." This time he was met with stunned silence. " I had been naïve in thinking I wouldn't gain attention on my quest.I had alot to learn. "We will help you hone your skills better, you actually spoke to one of our allies unknowingly and he spoke highly of his meeting with you. Had to check it out this person myself. " With that my smile returned. It truly would be an honor to work with this man and what would be my allies. We said nothing else as we travelled to the headquarters. I was deep in thought about what was to be the next chapter of my life and all the things I would be able to do to help my cause.

#One piece #OC #Revolutionary #revolutionary army #dragon #one piece oc #fanficiton

0 notes

ecotone99 · 5 years

Text

[MF] Misc Fiction

Homeless rider

My phone dinged. A rider. My very first rider. I grabbed the keys and was out the door and on the road in the blink of an eye. The perfect tunes were playing and the air conditioner was blasting. I was prepared. Ready to become the best uber driver this town has ever seen. My attitude changed as I realized what the the pickup location was. The soup kitchen. I threw my car in park and waited for my rider. Praying he or she would be a volunteer. Suddenly the doors to the homeless person haven burst open. Well fed hobos and nicely dressed volunteers flooded the stairs. One large man broke from the crowd and made his way over to my car. The door ripped open and a musty stench filled my nostrils. ¨Hi is this for Ricky?” I nodded at the dirty man entering my car. His graphic t shirt was much too small and his pants many sizes too big. His peppered white hair brushed the roof of the car, sprinkling dirt onto the center console. I pretended not to notice. ¨Where we heading?¨ He smiled a toothless grin. ¨The poker room down the street. I want to beat the heat today you know what I mean¨ I let out a short convincing laugh. ¨I know exactly what you mean sir.¨ Though I did not. A homeless man taking an uber from the soup kitchen to the casino. Was this some sort of joke? Multiple of questions raced through my head but I somehow managed to speak the one of least offense. ¨Is there a poker tournament going on today?¨ He nodded and grumbled scratching his chin. ¨Yes there is. And I am going to win it all. You see I volunteered today and that got me good with the lord. Also I completed my mandated service hours so Im good with the government. And in addition to that. I got a free breakfast which makes me good on the entry fee if you know what I mean.¨ This time I did know what he meant. I nodded. ¨You any good at cards uber driver?¨ I nodded again. In fact I was very good at cards once upon a time. But those days are over. I inhaled a long, slow breath, pushing back the memories. The excitement. ¨I used to be. I don´t exactly gamble anymore¨ I added. ¨Why don´t you gamble anymore¨ Because I don’t want to end up like you. ¨Because you don´t want to end up like me¨? Did he just read my mind? ¨Ha I just read your mind I can see it on your face. Tricky Ricky strikes again!¨ ¨Can you read minds?¨ I asked falsely He shrugged. ¨Its happened before.¨

We pulled up to the poker room and Ricky reached for the door. ¨Hey what do you say you come in there and play a few hands. If my mind reading thing kicks back in, shit we could take it all!¨ I forced a smile, ¨No thank you Ricky. But it was nice getting to chat. Good luck in there.¨ And I pushed the smelly homeless man from my car. I drove home and cleaned my car before returning to the patrol. What a strange first ride. Luckily it is over and chances are, I will never see him again. Thats the life of an uber driver I suppose.

Suddenly my phone dinged. Another ride request.

I took a left and a right then another left until I found myself sitting infront of the old tall hotel in the heart of downtown. Out the revolving glass door walk three gorgeous young women. Each of them supporting their own university with a different sweatshirt. Make up applied and shorts worn high, the three coeds walked up to my car. I rolled down my window and all three poked their heads in at once. ¨Is this for Stacy¨ ¨No I ordered it.¨ ¨Why does it smell like hobo in here¨

I managed to resist letting my eyes roll. As the three girls crawled into my car

¨Where are we headed?¨ I asked.

¨Uhm Im pretty sure the app tells you where to go?¨ Two of the girls giggled as the third shook her head smiling.

¨Don´t be so rude. We are headed to the poker tournament thanks for asking” She added kindly.

More tournament participants. Maybe the tournament is more popular than I expected.

“So what are you ladies studying in school” I asked, trying to make conversation. “Education! Stacy and I are going to be teachers!!” “Most important job in America. Good for you two.” Two of the girls beamed. “What about you” I asked the third girl, our eyes meeting again in my rear view mirror. “Psychology and Philosophy. I like it a lot so far.” “She is the smart one if you can’t tell. She’s going to be a psychiatrist one day.” I chuckled. “Very cool”

Moments later we found ourselves infront of the poker room. The three girls started to get out of my car when the nice one turned back and asked me if I would like to join them. Flattered. I smiled. ¨No thanks¨ and the door closed as the three girls raced into the poker room. My phone dinged. Another rider.

I pulled up to the same hotel as before, and waited for my rider. In front of the revolving door stood a lone man in a blue suit, sporting a leather briefcase in one hand, and a cell phone in the other. his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses. He let out a wave, and I returned his signal. ¨The poker room on the east side please¨ Another poker player? ¨Sounds good. We will be there shortly.¨ Without request the businessman to proceeded to inform me of each and every dollar value attributed to the accounts he manages. He was a big financial manager in LA. I was surprised with how many of his clients I was familiar with. As well as how much golf he apparently played. But not one part of me cared about any of the haughty words leaving his mouth. ¨Very cool sir¨ I said carelessly as we pulled up to the stop. ¨Incase you ever make it big¨ I turned to see the man handing me his business card. And he was gone.

So it was back to patrol for me. I cruised the town, desperate for more riders, but My phone did not ding once again. So I returned home. Kicked off my shoes, and began making dinner. I cracked open a can of coconut milk and began stewing a curry as I flipped on the TV. Not a bad first day of uber driving. I thought. I wonder how that poker tournament went for everyone. To my surprise, the answer to my question appeared on the screen infront of me. ¨Well it looks like this is going to be the final hand tonight. The final three players are all in.¨ On the tv sat three characters at a round green table littered with paper anplastic. One was a well dressed business man with a girl under his arm. The other a ragged vagabond with a fem sitting upon his lap. And finally, in the third seat sat a beautiful young woman, draped in a university sweatshirt. I reached for the remote and turned up the volume. ¨This is the first time ever that no professional players made it into the final 3. But tonight one of these amateurs is going to walk away with it all. Stay tuned, right after this commercial break.¨ My keys were in the ignition before they cut to the advertisements and I was in the back of the poker room, standing out of site, just as the coverage returned. ¨And we are back. Thanks for sticking with us folks. Well it looks like all three players have laid down their chips. The only thing left to do is see what lies on the other side of their cards.¨ One by one each player revealed their cards. The business man sat straight, forcing his face to appear relaxed but the only emotion he portrayed was fear. The double major coed chuckled to herself, knowing her defeat was eminent. And Ricky slumped in his chair, inhaling his cigerette, truly calm and at peace, as if he had foreseen the outcome. The room erupted as the results were realized across the room. The ragged, scruffy, stinky man who had been in my uber only hours before had just won more money than he had ever seen. ¨I did it! I won.¨ His head spun around, his eyes looking for someone to share this moment with until they met mine. ¨Uber driver! It’s me Ricky. Come over here man¨ I walked towards the center of the room and reached out my hand for a congratulatory handshake only to have it slapped away as Ricky wrapped his long hairy arms around me and pulled me close. I returned his embrace then pulled away, dusting the newly attained dirt from my clothes. ¨I guess the mind reading trick worked for ya eh¨ I joked. His eyes widened and he looked over his shoulder before lowering his voice. ¨Your shit right it worked. I knew what cards everyone had that entire game. It was like taking candy from a bunch of babies¨ and two of the girls buried their faces into the phone while the third sat quietly, her eyes out the window.

I didn´t know whether to believe him or call him crazy. I decided to do neither. ¨So what are you going to do now.¨ ¨Celebrate!”

What followed can only be explained as insanity. Ricky and I hit every bar, strip club, and casino in town until our lustful desires had been satisfied and we were too drunk to find our way home. I somehow resisted the urge to gamble and didn’t spend a dime, While Ricky threw away hundred dollar bills as if it were chump change. But he continued to win and win until we found ourselves outside the bar, standing in the alley. “What a night. Im gunna be rich ya know. Im gunna be a even more rich than I am right now once I get all this shit invested. Ya before the tournament started some business type guy handed out his card to every player. Told us if we win he can turn our winnings into even more money. Imagine what he’s gunna be able to do with all this!!” Ricky fanned out hundred dollars bills infront of my face. ”Hey are you even listening to me.” I was, or I was at least trying to. My head was resting against the outer brick wall of some bar and my eyes were closed in an attempt to cease the spinning of the world around me. I managed to string a few letters together into a word, but failed to create a full sentence. “Home” Then I slid down to a sitting position, my head in my hands with my back propping me up against the cool brick wall. The street lights were dim, and the sidewalks all but empty. The bars were closing down and the night was coming to an end. Suddenly a voice that broke through my drunken jumbled existence. “Hey its our uber driver from earlier! “Hey Mr. Uber driver its us! Remember us!! I raised my head from my hands to see a blurry vision of two young girls wrapping there arms around Ricky, dollar signs where their pupils should have been. A third girl moved out from behind the greedy two and towards me, a soft smile on her face It was the sweet one, the smart one from before. She knelt down beside me and started to rub my back. “How you feeling mr. uber driver.” Her calm words soothed my stupor. “I’ve been better. But I think I’m ready to walk home. My apartment is just down the street.” She nodded and relayed it to her friends who were now attached to Ricky. He smiled a toothless grin and reached out a hand to pull me up. Before long we were back at my place. Ricky took the girls to my bedroom, and the philosophy major joined me in the bathroom, talking to me about whatever she pleased as I emptied my guts into the toilet. “I love your apartment. You did such a nice job decorating it. The amount of house plants in here probably does wonders for your stress levels.” I nodded. “I just like having something to take care of.” “It’s nice taking care of things.” She chuckled and started rubbing my back again. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by sounds of snores from the next room. She went to check on her friends and found them sleeping, cuddled up next to Ricky. “Well it seems like the other guests are enjoying their stay at the uber driver hotel. How are you feeling though.” I raised my head from toilet bowl and looked at my caretaker for the first time since we left the bars. Her smile was warming and her eyes deep with blue and grey colors swimming around each other. Small infrequent freckles dotted her face, and her rosy cheeks dimpled as she grinned. “What are you staring at. Never seen a girl before?” I opened my mouth to respond but before I could she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “I’m just joking. Say is there a roof on this building? If your feeling up for it, maybe we could get some fresh air, the smell of vomit isn’t really doing it for me anymore.” I nodded in agreement and she pulled my by the hand until we were standing on the rooftop under the starless sky, looking over the small city surrounding us. She walked over to the wall, preventing us from falling to our untimely death. Without a second of hesitation, she hopped up, and began walking back and forth on the wall as if it were a balance beam in a gymnasium. She sensed my uneasiness. “Don’t worry dad I know what I know what I am doing.” With elegance and grace she walked across the railing encircling the entire roof until she bored, and took a seat on the wall, feet dangling into the abyss below. She motioned for me to join her. “I think Im good on this side. Thank you though.” I made my way over to her and leaned against the barrier. ”Today feels like a dream” I mumbled. “Maybe it was. Maybe I’m not actually here. Wooooo” She wiggled her fingers, at me jokingly. “That homelesss man, I mean Ricky, his life has taken a one 180 today. This morning he was getting breakfast at the soup kitchen and now he has more money than he has ever seen in his life. You know he was claiming that the reason he won was because he could read minds.” “Maybe he can.” “You actually believe that is possible? What are they teaching you in college these days anyways?” “Lots of things.” She smiled changing the subject. “I can’t believe my friends were about to sleep with a homeless man just because of how much money he won.” “It was a lot of money though.” She laughed and nodded in agreement. Then she looked at me and put her hand in mine, “This has been a pretty exciting day. You know I had a feeling I was going to see you again after you dropped us off earlier today. And I was right.” “Im glad your feeling was correct. But im not sure I believe in feelings or premonitions either.” “Ricky would believe me.” This got both of us laughing. “What do you think he’s gunna do with his money.” “Probably gamble it all away.” She slapped me on the arm giggling. “I think he’s gunna pay off whatever debt he had and then give the rest to his family and favorite charities.” She thought for a moment tapping her chin. “Whatever he does with it, his life has been changed forever. And good for him. He seems like a decent guy. He deserves it.” Suddenly the door to the stairs burst open. Two girls appeared in the doorway, their faces white with terror. The philosophy major was to them before I understood what was happening. I began to feel dizzy as the reality of the situation dawned on me. “Did you do CPR?” “No we panicked. We thought you would know what to do.” No time passed and I found myself staring at a shirtless homeless man lying on my floor, a young girl seated near him, pounding on his chest. Her efforts were futile but the later paramedics would thank her for trying. The ambulance took him away, and I stood in front of the apartment, with three young tormented girls. It started to rain. Before long their ride was here, and I stood staring into the grey blue eyes from before, knowing I would never see them again. “Im sorry” she said, and then she disapeared into the back of the car with her friends and they were gone.

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monoshah · 7 years

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This is a Selfish Post- Part 1.5

Amongst the many obscene feelings we feel, a very common one is the feeling that time is passing too fast. That, life is passing us by and we’re just..watching.

In fact, the Dictionary of Obscure sorrows has a specific word for this feeling- Zenosyne: the sense that time is going too fast.

Think about it- the last time I wrote this post, it was the start of 2017 and now, we’re already six months in.

So, to make this law of universe seem a little sane, I use my selfish posts as a way to stop and reflect.

The past six months have been pretty eventful and I’ve had the fortunate opportunity to learn a ton, not just form things that happened to me, but, from the people I met.

Here’s a list of those lessons (ps- if you’re a little confused about this title and not sure what its about, I’d suggest starting with the first part).

- All of our problems are so trivial (and so are we): For the past six months, I had the privilege to live in Sevilla, Spain, for an internship experience. Rest assured, I did not know a word of Spanish, nor was I aware of the Spanish culture. And, although this may seem “irresponsible”, living in a foreign country with new people who speak a language you don’t quite understand fully made me learn something- that, at the end of the day, the problems we face are so trivial. Additionally, this made me realize how small we are; we are just a tiny dot in a circle populated by dots. Now, whenever I feel too “closed up” from my mind, I remind myself this and it helps me open up. After reading about this a bit more, I found out that The Stoics practiced a similar exercise, it was called “the view from above” and you can watch the video here.

- Thinking about the “What ifs” may not kill you after all: During my time in Spain, there were so many things I was asked to do, that, normally, I’d say no to because of fear. For instance- on my first weekend, a couple of people from work asked me to go out clubbing with them. Now, I’m very socially anxious and awkward (hey, I write ok!), and find the whole clubbing scene pretty bizarre. And so, when I received this invitation, my mind automatically started producing excuses for not showing up, additionally, it also convinced me how everything would go wrong if I decided to go out. However, instead of solely thinking about failure, I asked myself- “Ok, maybe everything could go wrong and you’d be the most socially awkward guy out there. But- what if, just what if, everything went right for once? What if you actually enjoyed yourself tonight?” . And guess what? I had a pretty good night. I took a similar approach to other opportunities I’d automatically say no to- going away for the weekend, traveling, etc.

Further, this made me curious- why do we think what we think? Why do I, for instance, automatically think about negative things whenever someone asks me to go out clubbing? After reading some books about it I found out that there these automatically patterns are related to things that happened in our past, and, they directly influence our mood. This is why I always felt so depressed when someone mentioned clubbing.

I wrote a post about it (you can read it here).

- We don’t need a lot of money to thrive: The topic of money has always fascinated me, since, by nature, we do so much to gain more: shy away from our initial passions, hold onto toxic relationships, and countless other things that can negatively impact our character. And, since forever, the phrase “that’s how the world works, so get used to it” has been instilled in our minds.

However, what if i told you that you did have the option of not basing your entire life to gain as much money as possible? What if you did have a choice to stay sane, do what you love for a living, thrive, and not worry too much about gaining more money?

During my time in Spain, as an intern, I earned about eighty three cents an hour. That added up to about 200 euros a month, which, compared to America, is nothing. However, I learned that if we wisely distinguish between the things we really need vs things we want, we can not only thrive with less but also improve ourselves in the process without sacrificing a lot. I learned that it all comes down to one question- apart from the basic necessities, what things or services matter to us? So, instead of allocating thirty euros a month on clothes, I allocated the same amount to buying books. Why? Because they give me value.

Further, I read a book that changed my perspective about the psychology of Money. Its called “How to worry less about Money” and is written by John Armstrong. Whether or not money is a worry for you, I recommend this to everyone. It discusses the whole psychology of money and makes us ask important questions like “How much money do we really need (hint- the answer isn’t “as much as possible’). It also takes a very different approach to discussing what money essentially is, making the readers see the real picture, so, we’re not as intimidated by the topic.

- Our emotions can be managed: At the start of this year, I started reading a book called Emotional intelligence, written by a psychologist named Daniel Goleman. This book taught me everything there is to know about emotions- what are they, why they are the way they are, and how we can manage them.Further, it also made me understand that today,whether or not one is “smart”, being emotionally intelligent is more important. Why? Not only to live in harmony with everyone, but, to also understand ourselves and our automatic patterns of thought and feeling.

More practically, this book helped me thrive at work, since, I was better able to manage my mood. It also affected my personal life as I got more kinder with the people around me.

Theres a lot to cover here so I wrote a detailed post about it here and here.

- Crushes are delusional: In December last year, I decided to read more about love. Why? Well, Victor Frankyl’s words about love fascinated me:

“For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth - that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

I wanted to find out- is love really that great? I mean sure, the honeymoon phase is wonderful but what after that? What happens to couples who want to live their lives together? I wondered if there’s a reason why romantic comedies and love stories end when the boy and the girl meet and kiss. The chase is great, but, real life is after that isn’t it?

So, following that, I read a ton of books- both fiction and non fiction, about love. And, I learned the following things: >We’re all lonely and begging to be understood by someone, and so, we all need love >Jane Austen’s novels were remarkably useful. From It I learned never to judge someone at first sight, especially from just their physical appearance and/or portrayed wealth. >Life is unfair: Following my second observation, in today’s society, we do judge people by their appearance. Think about it- we go to a club and the only people we notice are the good looking ones. There’s no time for us to sit down with someone and ask them about their story, their vices. No wonder why we’re so focused on exercising our bodies and don’t bother taking care of our minds.

Despite that, however, reading about love is like reading about learning how to swim. Thus, to make things more interesting, I engaged in deep journaling session whenever I felt attracted to someone. I tried to rationalize the reasons for my crush. And, surprisingly, my reasons were irrational. I learned that when we’re attracted to someone, we let the heart take over. And, although thats great for an actor working on a movie or a writer, writing a love story, for us, in reality, its not that great because it makes us delusional. From their blue eyes to the way they tie their hair.,every thing they do or are makes us believe that they are the one. That this is it, that, it couldn’t get any better.

Unfortunately, that’s not real. We’re essentially attracted to someone who in reality, isn’t what we think he/she is.

You can read more about this here.

- We will never find the “right” person to marry: Why? Because we ourselves don’t know who we need/ who this “right” individual is. This may sound a little cliche and if that makes you critical about that statement, I request you to think about it again.

I learned that by nature, none of us truly understand ourselves. We feel emotions and think thoughts we don’t quite understand the reasons for. This is exactly why life seems so “messy”, because we’re trying to understand the world and hack it, while at the same time, struggling to make sense of ourselves.

Then, we find someone who our delusional self thinks is “the right one” and we try to understand them, fully believing after some years that we do.

The goal then, other than striving to achieve a more Socratic level of self knowledge is to stop considering each and everyone partner as the “right one” and instead- acknowledging that because of the unfortunate reality that we don’t really know what kind of person we need, relationships are bound to be messy. And, once the romantic honeymoon phase is over, maintaining a relationship is an art, something that we need to learn.

I repeat- something that we need to learn (here’s a good start).

Here’s The Philosopher Alain De Botton in his popular article “Why you will marry the wrong person” written for the New York Times:

“Marriage ends up as a hopeful, generous, infinitely kind gamble taken by two people who don’t know yet who they are or who the other might be, binding themselves to a future they cannot conceive of and have carefully avoided investigating”

You can read the entire article here.

If you’re intrigued by this concept, I suggest reading this book.

- A hack for overcoming Shyness:I am pretty social anxious and this makes many things difficult as most of life is interacting and dealing with people. Going to networking events needs a lot of planning and courage. And, if you want to convince me to go out clubbing, you need to have the patience to deal with my stupid excuses (trust me, I’m pretty good).

However, being in Spain exposed me to my fear. The Spanish culture admires social relationships and it’s actually considered normal for people to go out clubbing from Wednesday nights. So, as I went out multiple times with my friends, I noticed how I started becoming less anxious. So much so, the initial automatic flow of negative thoughts stopped, whenever someone invited me for a night out.

I wanted to make this a little more concrete and just in time, I was fortunate enough to read something about shyness that made it seem so trivial; cosmopolitism- a new way of relating to strangers.

The concept emerged during the several encounters in the Greece and Rome civilization. Because these encounters were between people who lived very different lives, certain thinkers developed an approach which proposed that all these humans, whatever their surface variations, shared a common core- that they’re all human.

Here’s The School Of Life in the book “On Being Nice”:

Someone becomes a cosmopolitan not on the basis of having a buoyant or gregarious nature but because they re in touch with a fundamental truth about humanity, because they know that, irrespective of appearance, we are the same species beneath, an insight that tongue-tied guest at the party or the awkward seducer in the restaurant are guilty of implicitly refusing./ /The Pimple boy doesn’t discover that he and the high-school beauty share a case in humor and similarly painful relationships with their fathers; the middle-aged lawyers never unearths a shared love of rockets with her neighbor’s eight year old son. Race and ages continue not to mingle, to their collective detriments. Shyness is a touching, yet ultimately excessive and unwarranted, way of feeling special.

Here’s a great video by The School of life that explains this concept.

Lastly, here’s the book I was referring to (it’s great if you’ve ever wondered what it really means to be “nice”).

- Making time vs Having time: Despite the idea that life is pretty unfair, there is something about it that proves otherwise- the fact that we’ve all been given 24 hours in a day. That is, time to do anything we’d like to do. Its a clean slate and we can fill it in anyway we want to. However, despite knowing this, we don’t spend enough time for self-care.

The past six months I’ve learned a lot of self-care: the whole idea of prioritizing daily activities for yourself that help provide value. In my life, that involves working out five times a week, meditating daily, and reading and writing everyday. I learned that engaging in activities that bring us value doesn’t mean acting selfish. In reality, we’re doing it to make ourselves feel better, which, in a very real sense will help us deal with everyone else calmly. So, if you really think about it, self-care isn’t just for us, its for the people we engage with daily, our family & friends.

It was fascinating to see how my mood was different when I did not work-out in the morning that day, or, if I forgot to mediate. So, for self-care, one has to make time because these things are what’s really important. The rest is trivial.

How about you substitute thirty minutes of TV with a high intensity interval training session? You don’t have time to Meditate? Those extra ten minutes you spent surfing YouTube for cat videos are sufficient to take care of your mind.

Make a list of everything that gives you value and include them in your morning or evening routine. Its not important to check every activity off but the attempt is what makes all the difference.

-Saying “No” is harder for a reason: With the Spanish culture being so outgoing, it was necessary for me to learn how to say “No”. Saying no to partying every weekend, no to travelling every weekend, no to skipping work and taking long coffee breaks. However, more than it being necessary, I noticed how hard it was. I started observing how I started saying “Yes” to things I’d normally want to say no to, just to avoid conflict or get away with it. So much so, I’d started dreading my decision an hour after I accepted a House Party invitation.

Then, for a week, I decided to experiment. In it, I promised myself to do everything opposite. So, if I’d automatically say Yes to things, for this one week, I would have to gather the courage to say no. Fortunately, that week helped me understand that not only is it ok to say not, but, to some extent, it’s necessary to have boundaries.

One week turned into one month and slowly I started really thinking about every invitation. And, if I had a legitimate reason to not attend, I’d happily say no without any guilt or the fear of missing out.

I learned that it’s harder to say no because when we do that, we’re actually saying yes to things that matter to us. Things that grant us value. I said no to a skiing trip with my work friends because I was saying yes to a weekend trip to Barcelona with my best friend. I said no to a Wednesday night partying invite because I was saying yes to the next day’s gym session. I said no to becoming the president of a club at my college because I was saying Yes to other things I’d be focusing on- academics, acting, a part-time job, etc.

-If you master the small, the big picture takes care of itself: I learned to apply this concept everywhere in my life- productivity, becoming fear(less) (not fearless, there’s a difference), and habit setting. Normally, when we think of becoming productive, getting over our fears, or forming new habits, our goals automatically become so grand.

So much so, it overwhelms us and we don’t do anything. I learned that if we focus too much on the big picture, we forget what shapes it- smaller details. And, so, similarly, we forget that by taking care of the smaller details, the grand picture can be influenced.

To give you an example in the area of becoming fear(less), I am very scared of driving in India. When I tried to give my practical exam a couple of years ago, I couldn’t even move the car forward (even if thats what it took to pass the exam). My confidence while driving a motor vehicle is very low. However, the concept of breaking this down into smaller details and goals is helping me get back on track again. Instead of dreaming about becoming the perfect driver with a valid license, I started to break the ultimate goal down into smaller steps (that, if followed properly, will eventually get me there).

The first goal was to obtain a learners license, which required me to study for it while I was in Spain. Once I passed that, my goal was simply to trust the process and visit my driving school everyday to learn things about driving confidently. And, once that has been done, I will start practicing driving on roads. The goal being that I can practice everyday to build my confidence. Ultimately, the plan is to obtain a license right now and then resuming my practice whenever I am back home for holidays.

You get the idea.

- Unfairness is everywhere (and that’s OK): Pretty recently, I lost a loved one and I couldn’t help but notice how, after a few days, life just went on for everyone. It reminded me that everything is so trivial because at the end of the day, we have the possibility of leaving life right this very moment. And guess what? Once you do, people close to you will feel bad. Of course they will. However, as times goes on, so will life. And just like another old book in the shelf, your time will be over. We will all return to where we came from and to some degree I find that pretty unfair. Life has a way of convincing us to move on.

I learned that life is unfair, and the sooner we get used to it the better. Why? Because it can help us stay sane. When we achieve some sort of success, for example, this can remind us to stay grounded as whether we like it or not- success is not fully in our control. And here’s the better part- this can show us how to rate ourselves, not by success’ or failures, but, by doing what’s in our control everyday.

Ryan Holiday described this perfectly in his book Ego is the Enemy:

Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.

- Engaging in premeditatio malorum helps: Before I started Meditating everyday, I used to be extremely anxious. It would require a lot of effort from my side to do everyday things like going on a holiday for instance. I would overthink the worst that would happen in every scenario, making me naturally upset and pissed off.

Fortunately, meditation helped me calm down. That said, however, I still find myself tensing over things I cannot control.To fight this, I learned to engage in an exercise that used to be practiced by The Stoics. Its called premeditatio malorum, which roughly translates to premeditating about evil/ admittedly visualizing negative situations. Basically, it means thinking (or better- writing) about possibly everything that could go wrong.

Then, once you have a list, think about how you could possibly avoid such disasters and/or realize that at the end of the day, in reality, regardless of how bad things get, life is going to be ok.

Its basically a “what’s the worst that could happen?” exercise.

I journaled about this whenever there was something that was troubling me and it helped. I realized that 1) not everything we think is going to happen. Infact, most of the times, nothing we think every happens and 2) Even if something does happen, by meditating about it previously, our approach to dealing with it is better.

You can read more about this here.

Further, Tim Ferris had an excellent TED talk about this, wherein, he spoke about how he used this exercise to become fear(less) about life. You can watch that here.

Productivity is simple: No, I mean it. Stop spending hours trying to find the perfect app. Getting work done doesn’t require sophisticated code and good design (it helps, yes, but they’re not necessary).

It requires principles.

I wrote about this here.

Things I’m going to experiment with, henceforth:

- Expressing my emotions: To not bottle things up inside - Using the “shyness hack” I described above to speak out - Journaling on a regular basis (daily- either in the morning or evening) - Learning more about relationships - Reading more about Stoicism and using this website to gain knowledge daily: How To Be Stoic

- Seeking Love and Courage. Love for anything that happens in life and the courage to face it. Source- The Daily Stoic newsletter (you can sign up here).

That’s all for now Folks

To focus a little more on my writing projects, I’m going to be taking a break from writing on my blog till the end of this year.

That said, I will keep updating my Facebook page in case I write any guest posts.

I don’t reckon anyone made it this far, but regardless- Thank you for all your love and support.

See y’all on the other side :)

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comicteaparty · 6 years

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August 2nd, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on August 2nd, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Woohooligan! by Samuel Dealey.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing Woohooligan! by Samuel Dealey~! (http://www.woohooligan.com/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! As a bonus, each chat a top comment will be picked and featured in the archives and on an ad for CTP! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite strip in the comic so far and why?

SamDealey

Hey, everybody! I'm Sam! Don't worry about me being here. You can ask me questions, give advice, dog on things you didn't like, or just ignore me, however you prefer.

Also, feel free to contact me if I can help with any of your projects (research, promo, tech, etc.) -- and you can get me on Twitter here: http://twitter.com/datafaucet

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

glad you could be here again sam!

lets see. i think my favorite strip is actually one of the ones that was super early on: http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/4 as a fan of perspective, i really just enjoyed that play on words since ive always thought vanishing point was a....strange choice of terminology for the concept. so i enjoyed seeing it taken super literally XD

SamDealey

A lot of people have said they relaly prefer either the early stuff or the late stuff... my style has changed a lot.

Yeah, that vanishing point strip isn't very widely popular, but a lot of artists really enjoy it.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i can see why theres that preference difference. the switch the late stuff was a bit awkward since it became more focused. but i think both sides have their merit. though admittedly in this case i do think a lot of my fave strips were the ones earlier on.

http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/23 that one as well was one my favorites. my family is 1) both cursed to never understand technology and 2) generally unwilling to listen to me. so man do i wish i was that guy who would reply so sarcastically and lead them astray. XD too identifiable

SamDealey

I also went through several visual style changes that were caused by changing tools... I switched to all digital when I couldn't find an affordable wide-format scanner in 2009, did some stuff for a while in Adobe Illustrator (and colored in Photoshop), then switched to Manga Studio 4.5 ... even the upgrade to MS 5 I think unexpectedly changed some things.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

WLLO

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

its bound to happen naturally anyway for a comic as old as this one. ppl change, but that also makes it interesting to watch. especially since your comic is one that will tackle current activities so it can be an interesting time capsule of sorts to see how humors and situations changed.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh hey Sam!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

welcome super~!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Thanks!

Sorry I'm a few moments late, was catching myself up on some art but I'm here now!

SamDealey

Hey, Justin! I think you might be the first one here.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

Looks like I am

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

any favorite strips youd like to share super?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/313

This one's pretty good.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that one made me feel bad for telemarketers XD if only cause most of the ppl calling are sadly just trying to make a living. but i do enjoy that disintegration image XD

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

For a sec i thought that was a guy using a fidget spinner.

SamDealey

lol @ fidget spinner ... yeah, it's been shared a few times, but I hadn't heard much commentary on it... I don't really have anything against the people who work in telemarketing either, I just thought it was a fun joke about what sometimes feels like our societal priorities.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

ah there is one strip i wanted to ask a question about

while youre here

SamDealey

Please do.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Also sharing another one I thought was pretty clever

http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/308

though I would never replace a computer with an iPad

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/238 this one with ayn rand. was there a lot of dialogue on this page just because there needed to be a lot of dialogue or was this intentional as an homage to the fact that ayn rand's novels are chalked full of monologues?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

brb, need to go do something real quick

I'll be back!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. Besides characters in Amity’s storyline, there have also been several other recurring characters over the comic’s history. Whether old or recent, were there any characters that you particularly connected with? If so, what about them connected with you and/or made you laugh? Are there any characters you’d like to see make a return in some fashion, and in what way do you think they might still have potential? Lastly, in regards to Amity’s storyline, what other famous people do you think might pop up in hell and what do you think will happen with them?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Hiyo... I made it, but I only had a chance to read the series through to about comic #120. ^.^

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats okay. at least thats something

glad to have you here math

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

My fave comics are actually the ones with the parenting. I particularly liked the "grow a beard" one (I don't recall the number) as it ended up having a callback in a later entry.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i really miss that sophisticated zombie who was fighting for zombie rights. for the shallow reason i really enjoyed his personality.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Nigel was cool!

SamDealey

I wish I had been that meta on the Ayn Rand pages... heh... they're super-wordy like that because I had a hard time figuring out how to make her explain her "philosophy" more succinctly

Thanks, Math!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I obviously gravitated to the parenting ones what with handling the 6 week old here, with a name very similar to 'Alex'. ^.^

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh hey a Math!

SamDealey

Ayn-Rand Libertarianism was very deliberately added to that story though -- it's a part of a longer meta-theme in that story about Heaven and Hell and our concepts of morality

Oh, yeah, the conversations with my oldest daughter. heh...

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/306 How'd I find this strip

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm leery of the political ones, I admit. I get the reasoning for them, of course (I tend to read the commentaries too, which is a large part of why it takes me a while to archive browse) but they make me facepalm more than smile.

That said, Nigel as an avatar for immigrant/racist tendencies was kind of genius.

I like when it's subtle that way.

Well, subtle in my dictionary.

Oh, and to be clear, I'm not facepalming over the comic, it's over the sadness of the world we live in.

SamDealey

@✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ Question 2 - ummm... I don't know that I'm any more connected to any specific recurring characters than others -- I think I can see splashes of myself in most of them but in a really generic way, like basic humanity type stuff

Thanks for the clarification, Math!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I guess I've enjoyed Alex as a recurring character.

SamDealey

Oh, yeah, I don't relate to my daughter at all.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

ah that strip was definitely topical @Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨ . reminds me of waking up everyday seeing trump in the news doing something. @SamDealey darn it. ah well. it kind of works as an homage to rand's monologues anyway. thank you for answering though.

i did enjoy the strips about alex though. i thought that was just nice and heartwarming

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah, Trump's life is like, documented to end and back

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I wonder if it'll be in my future.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Have millions of people documenting every single pun you make?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

No, conversations with my daughter related to my writing and math comics.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

probably. O_O i mean you have a daughter so step 1 down that road is complete

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Sounds reasonable

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I remember when I first started reading, I was amused by Death in a couple of the comics. With using the opportunity of a reaped psychiatrist for a session, and commisserating with Rudolph.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Death vs a super badass Rudolph

sounds like some kind of sitcom

SamDealey

@✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ - Are there any characters you’d like to see make a return in some fashion, and in what way do you think they might still have potential? The princes of hell haven't appeared much lately with the exception of Lucifer -- they do have some involvement in the continuing Hellbent story. I've also thought about more Nigel strips where he struggles to work with other people on a PR campaign for zombies that involves the creation of a TV sitcom about a zombie family

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes. zombie family tv sitcom

that would be amazing

especially if theres a forced laugh track

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

By the way, what was the deal with some of the comics saying "alternate ending in the comments"... was that only on deviantart?

I want to make a Rosanne joke, but I think I'd regret it.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

The world must have zombie sitcom

heck if we got a sitcom about dinosaurs what's stopping the undead from getting a chance to shine

and the jokes would be built around them being undead and general horror tropes

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

(The Rosanne joke is about the zombie sitcom, not alternate endings.)

I've been reading onwards in the background, and just got to the Klingon section. Ohmygawd, Klingons with doe-eyes.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i enjoyed the klingons strip. i just really enjoyed how it was framed cause i think it made the jokes work well

SamDealey

@✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ - Lastly, in regards to Amity’s storyline, what other famous people do you think might pop up in hell and what do you think will happen with them? The current official title for Amity's story is Hellbent (I know it's not readily apparent). Most of the famous people in Hell are there as a counterpoint to show that anyone who's remotely interesting doesn't get into heaven. They mostly don't plug into the plot in a meaningful way, but just are there to remind you that the interesting people are in hell, like Mark Twain and Edgar Allen Poe playing poker with Pappy, or Freddy Mercury who was just a punchline. It's implied that Amity slept with Jimmi Hendrix and Katherine Hepburn has become an odd kind of mother-figure to her (though Hepburn avoided having children throughout her life). The only other historical figure I currently plan to include for plot reasons is Nietzsche (god I can never spell his name)... I don't want to give too much away, but remember that he talked a bit about "the soul" and Ayn Rand really idolized a kind of misconception of his idea of the ubermensch -- "superman".... oh, and related to that also Atlas and I think Hercules, but they're only going to be on one page.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ayn Rand meets Superman I could see.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes i was hoping for nietzsche!

throws confetti

QUESTION 3. Though much of the comic series is non-sequential humor, the latter half of the series features a continuing story line involving Amy/Amity and her experiences in Heaven and Hell. What do you think will happen with Amity now that she is pregnant? Will she keep the baby, or will she decide having a child with Lucifer is too difficult? If she keeps it, what do you think the consequences will be? Do you think Amity will ever see her grandmother again, or will her grandmother stay in Heaven? Additionally, do you think Amity’s new reputation might get her into trouble, and if so in what manner? In general, what do you personally take away message wise from this storyline?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

alas not the question for you math XD

cause this is the latter half

SamDealey

@MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑 re: Klingons - Thanks! re: alternate endings -- for a long time I published alternate endings as voting incentives on TopWebComics -- you could only see the latest one. I still do it occasionally, but the bonus panels or alt-endings are now on Patreon, where all the backers have access to the whole archive. A lot of those alt endings and bonus panels are also in the books whether printed or electronic.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yup, I'm not that far yet.

SamDealey

I also give out vol #1 for free to subscribers on my Woohooligan Weekly Dick Joke Advocate newsletter. http://woohooligancomics.tumblr.com/freecomic

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ahhh, I see. Incentives is clever... it's nice when you have enough of an audience for that.

Though I suppose this is a heck of a looong runner. I'm impressed by that.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

in regards to question 3, i think amity will keep the baby. and i look forward to the baby shower. O_O gotta invite everyone who can make it entirely too awkward

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

The Vegas strip I just got to reminds me of the Yuri/Yaoi one from much earlier. I liked that one. (Those who know me know I'm always up for some yuri.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

since math is still on earlier strips. http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/123/ i liked this skyrim one cause thats not where i expected the joke to go at all. never know what to expect when it comes to the arrow in the knee meme

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

....I phrased that very badly.

SamDealey

@✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ That's a lot of questions, but I think I can answer them in pretty short order here: - Amity is currently worried that she's carrying the antichrist -- I think that's warranted -- I don't want to give too much away about that plot, but Lucifer confirmed it's his son in the latest couple pages. - Keeping the baby and/or consequences, well -- spoilers. -- which of course means now you know the baby will be born - Amity will see Nanna again -- it's an important plot point, followed by some fun sex jokes - So far the trouble Amity's reputation has gotten her into has been largely self-inflicted -- she's become paranoid that Lucifer's billions of children are going to mob her, except that Delilah, who she knows is one of Lu's kids has already said basically "you get used to a lot of bullshit rumors around my dad -- it happens". But with her now carrying the baby in particular, that doesn't mean Amity's going to be less paranoid. - Messages taken away from this story? ... I don't know about "taken away" since I'm writing it, but I will say that I know what will be on the last page, and I bawl every time I think about it. It's not sad, just ... I hope it will be moving for others as well.

@MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑 re: long running - Thanks! I feel like I've not done a great job of keeping up with it -- like, when I did my latest Kickstarter I had it on hiatus for about a half a year. I'm fulfilling it now and just getting back to creating new pages. That's why it's only 317(?) pages after 12 years. If I'd published 1 a week consistently, it would be over 600.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh wow

also that comic

This is why you wear knee guards

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Eh, real life happens. I've had my comic on and off a bunch.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah no shame in that. its better to do projects like this at your own pace, whatever that pace needs to be.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Agreed(edited)

SamDealey

Oh, you meant "I'm always down on some yuri"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

>Two females interacting >"Is this yuri?"

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i was glad that amity bonded with delilah. but i also just like delilah cause she was a surprisingly down to earth character.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Pfffft.

Now I'm at the Nerdgasm set. I have been to some of those kinds of panels.

SamDealey

@✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ Aww! Thank you so much, that's such a complement re: Delilah.

SamDealey

Delilah is a succubus and although she's not central to the plot, I hoped I could do some justice to addressing kink-shaming and sexual double-standards.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

ooh?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i really enjoyed in nerdgasm that part where they were like "the homestuck panel moved" and then suddenly the room empties. it reminded me of how 2 real that was back in the day where everyone and their mother was into homestuck and cosplaying trolls.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

A succubus as a recurring character sounds interesting.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i really like delilah all around. cause i do think shes a good avatar for sexual double-standards and i also like her dynamic with amity cause of the whole dating her grandfather thing XD

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Makes family reunions awkward.

SamDealey

There will be a baby shower -- it won't be large, mostly the princes of hell, or... well, 4 of them will be there... Leviathan (Envy) won't fit in the room but will send a gift (snake oil) - Satan (Wrath) doesn't do babies, but will go half on a gift with Scratch (Greed) of war bonds. Bubby (Gluttony) will give her a live pig (he thinks it's better fresh), I'm not sure yet what Mody (Lust) will give her, but suffice to say it will be creepy... Lucifer will get her something as well, but I'm also not sure what yet, and Belphegor (sloth) won't be there, because Cthulhu fhtagn

Pappy, Delilah, Hepburn and maybe Nanna will be there...

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe Nanna?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Asmodeus?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i dont think this will be a relaxing baby shower

will grumpy cat be invited? O_O

SamDealey

Asmodeus is Mody -- Lust

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 4. Though many of the comic’s strips revolve around nerd culture, there are also tons of strips that are topical to life, current events, and history. Were there any of these kinds of strips that you felt were personally relevant to you? What did you think of some of the more serious strips (like the one about trickle-down economics)? Regardless of strip type, were there any titles that caught your eye and made you see the strip differently? Finally, since we’re speaking on humor, were there any jokes that you struggled to understand?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Anything Trump related, lol

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ahhh, I see.

Oh, I'm pretty sure I miss a large chunk of the jokes. It's a bit different from my sense of humour.

SamDealey

Yeah, tackling trickle-down economics was interesting, because it's one of those subjects where you can kind of expect to not get much traction, but as I get older, I feel like that's one of a handful of subjects not getting enough attention, and I thought if people enjoy Adam Conover, then I should be able to get people interested in important subjects like that

I just now realized a lot of those questions aren't directed at me.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i really liked the visuals you used for the trickle-down economics one. i think they were well-chosen and well-placed to help explain things

thats ok

SamDealey

Thank you!

I am a huge fan of Conover's work by the way.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I've reached Canada Day. We try.

I found reading your answers to the questions interesting, for what it's worth!

SamDealey

Thanks, Math!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

ive overall enjoyed the breaks into the serious. i think theyve been interesting and well-researched. and sometimes its also just nice to break from comedy for a second

SamDealey

@✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ Did I throw you with any of the titles?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Wait, there's alt-text on these too?! When did that start? (Sooo much depth to all this...)

SamDealey

lol -- I don't remember when I started adding alt text... and I'm not sure if my most recent pages have them either...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'll echo Rebel on the well-researched part. It's the sort of thing that stands out if it's not there, but is easy to miss when done right.

SamDealey

Oh, I've also started publishing more comedy in other mediums lately as well -- prose on my Tumblr, and some YouTube videos -- currently working on a YouTube about free speech

Here's a recent one about alt-right propaganda

https://youtu.be/Xy0Barrlw3U

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

nah i wouldnt say thrown. i thought they were interesting for some of them and just had good plays on words. http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/80/ like that one for instant since its playing on the phrase "to hell with TOPIC HERE" and turning it into a jersey joke. XD

SamDealey

I know -- it's not comics.

Oh, yeah, back to Jersey

I'm not sure how many people noticed me using "rigor" as a slur to tie it to the word nigger

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

That's exactly the sort of thing I'd miss.

SamDealey

short for rigor-mortis, but convenient that it rhymes

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Did someone say YT videos?

You should try to see about making dubbed/animated versions of strips

SamDealey

The YT vid I'm working on right now is way too long -- I need to kill about 50% of it to get the length down to reasonable

I'm not sure if I'll delve into trying to animate any of my strips ... genuine animation is too labor intensive (I know, my oldest daughter, Alex does it), and I feel weird about still frame panels with voiceovers

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats fair enough. animation is a lot of hard work.

i didnt notice the rigor thing sadly. mostly just cause my mind read it as "generic insult slur"

like if you yelled banana angry enough you could probably turn that into a slur

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe you can hire Alex to do it.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so didnt connect with what it was standing in for

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Banana republic?

SamDealey

I love the phrase "GOAT SUCKER!" as an insult

It's the literal translation of the word "chupacabra"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Things I learned from watching the X-Files.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah. goat sucker always struke me as a funny insult cause of that XD

SamDealey

Ha! I didn't even know that was in an X-Files episode... I've seen a lot of the series, but not all of it

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

http://www.woohooligan.com/comics/209/ this is another strip i liked since ive been trying to find some of my faves. this taps into every problem ive ever had with zombie movies, particularly that last panel.

SamDealey

I never did see the fluke man

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I tend to either see all of a series or very little. It was a fluke. ^.^

No Nigel cameo there?

I've reached 200, woo.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i have to admit i was expecting nigel there

but then nigel didnt come

and i shed a tear inside

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

The reversal of expectations.

SamDealey

Nigel cameo in what?

Oh, the zombie movie thing

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

r.i.p. Nigel

SamDealey

Yeah, Nigel doesn't really fit in zombie movies -- he would just be giving it bad reviews on Yelp.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

SJ: That's zombie humour for you.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yup

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i hope his reviews sound overly fancy with lots of big words

ah this reminds! i also liked see moneybags a lot. what a perfect stand in for basically rich corporations.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Cools~

SamDealey

Oh, Uncle Pennybags from monopoly?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I was surprised to see him actually

SamDealey

I always draw him with a monocle -- he's never had one in any of the official Milton Bradley merch

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

One of the things I want to address before the end here is the obvious passion. Not only in terms of some of the details in the comic art (from fake twitters to shading) but also the commentary afterwards. Lots of work went into this.

Kudos.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Seconding that, there's lot sof entertaining fun to be had with this series and I hope you never let anything stop ya, Sam.

SamDealey

Thanks, Math!

fake twitters?

Thanks, Justin!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

One of the comics I saw in the last hour or so had a fake twitter feed... all about foodstuffs.

I remember the most random things.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Np!

SamDealey

I've found often that the pages where I have lengthy commentaries end up being shared a lot more -- like, I was really nervous doing a passage where Amity talked to Trayvon Martin, but those pages ended up being shared a bunch

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

You have a pretty amazing fanbase.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Samuel Dealey, as well, for making Woohooligan! and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Samuel Dealey’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Himawari Share by Harmony Becker. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on August 9th from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/Himawari-Share

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