#that's why it took me so long to do the ftf requests and now why it's taken me even longer to post them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whydontwe-fanfics · 7 years

Text

Blame the Distance (J.A)

Description: Jack cheats on you in America while you’re studying in London and you get news of it.

Request: Can you do a Jack Cheating fanfic where he cheats on her when he's in America and she lives and studies Law in University in London. They have a long distance relationship where they hardly see each other. I want it to be heartbreaking, which I know you can do☺️ I'm not sure if you would prefer the breakup to be over the phone or face to face but if it's ftf then he should be the one meeting her in London. I kinda want her to move on from Jack like in the 'Happier' mv by Ed Sheeran. Thank you❤️

Warnings: heartbreak, angst, Cheating!Jack

Word Count: 5.3k

---

"Jack!" You ecstatically grinned into the phone as you paced back and forth in your room.

"Hey, baby," he chuckles. "Why do you sound like your mom just gave you no limit to your credit card?"

"Because something even better happened today," you giggle. "My professor called on me today and in front of the entire class we had like an entire minute conversation and he looked so impressed!"

Your professor was known as a hard-ass and every day he'd pick on someone in your class and today you seemed to be his target but you knew better and he realized that.

"Aw, that's amazing, babe. Especially if he's the hard-ass you always say he is," Jack chuckled.

"Mhm," you hum happily. "And by the way, if my mom put no limit on my credit card you wouldn't know until I bought a plane ticket to your doorstep."

"Two more months," Jack sighs.

"Yeah, I know," you frown. "It just feels like two years away."

"I know it does, but let's not focus on that right now. Let's focus on your day."

"There's nothing more about my day," you shrug, taking a seat on your bed. "Just feels good to get on my professor's good side."

"I bet it does," Jack smiles. "Happy you're happy."

"Elated, actually."

"Happy you're elated," Jack rolls his eyes with a small grin.

"How was your day?"

The next thirty minutes the both of you went back and forth talking about everything and nothing.

This is how your conversations had been four weeks ago.

---

"Hey, Jack, guess wha-"

"Hey, babe. Can I call you back? I'm busy with something at the moment," Jack hurriedly replied.

"Oh," you mutter. "Okay, I'll-" you stop talking when his line is cut. You pull your phone away from your ear and look at your screen, staring at Jack's contact with furrowed eyebrows.

You both haven't spoken in days and you were growing worried that he was letting you go without letting you know.

Whenever he called you either were sent straight to voicemail or he'd pick up and tell you he couldn't talk.

He didn't even reply to texts anymore.

But he wasn't on tour. What is he doing 24/7 that takes his time away from a thirty-minute phone call with his girlfriend?

You had thought of this scenario hundreds of times before you officially left California to attend law school in London.

That was over four months ago. What would make Jack start acting out now? Was he getting tired of the long distance and if he was why would he not mention it to you?

---

You sat with your legs crossed, your back against the headboard of your bed with your laptop on your lap. Music plays in the background as you check your grades in your class, lips pursed to the side.

A proud smile of satisfaction grows on your face as you see how well you've been doing so far.

"Let's just keep this going for three more years and we'll be good," you mumble to yourself right before your dorm room door abruptly busted open. You jolted upwards with wide eyes as Jade stomps over to your side of the room.

"I have beef to squash with your boyfriend," she angrily says.

"One, I don't think that's the saying, and two, you've always hated Jack."

"You're too good for him," she huffs. "But now I truly think he's scum."

Jade has been your friend ever since you moved to London and for a reason, you were still unaware of, she's always disliked Jack. "He just has that kind of aura," she'd say and you'd roll your eyes.

It's not like they'd ever met in person, which just adds to your questioning thoughts.

"Why do you say so this time?" You ask, pushing your laptop off of you and beside you on the bed as Jade takes a seat in front of you.

"Look at this," she swipes her phone out of her back pocket and turns it on, taking about four seconds to find what she wanted to show you oh-so-badly.

You narrowed your eyes slightly as you took her phone into your hands.

"What's this?" The crack in your voice is noticeable as your eyes roam the screen.

On her phone is a photo of Jack walking the streets of L.A with some girl in sunglasses. She had her hand on his arm as they both smiled.

"Some girl named Giselle," Jade sneered. "That slutty looking bitch."

"How'd you get this?"

"It's all on the internet. Paparazzi caught this yesterday," Jade informed you. "And if I was to guess, this picture was taken around the time Jack told you he was too busy."

You stared at the picture while biting the inside of your left cheek. Before you could say anything, your ringtone blared around your room.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," Jade narrowed her eyes at your phone as you felt your heart rate increase speed incredulously. "You want me to tell him off?"

"N-no," you stuttered. "I'll answer it."

"You sure?" Jade frowns.

"Mhm."

"Okay, I'll be in my dorm, call me when you get off the phone with him," she sighs, getting off of the bed.

"Okay," you nod just before she walks out of the room. You look down at your phone and a sigh leaves your lips. You pick up the device and slide the screen, bringing it up to your ear. "Hello?" Your voice is quiet as you stare down at your sweatpants.

"Hey, babe," Jack says.

"Hey," you murmur.

"You sound down," he points out. "You okay?"

"I'm great," your soft and shaken voice replies. "You haven't called in a while."

"I know, I'm sorry, I've been really busy lately," he apologized.

"I can see," you mumble.

"What do you mean-"

"Who's Giselle?" You suck up all the courage left in your body, biting your bottom lip as he goes silent.

"Giselle?" Jack asked.

"Mhm," You hum. "Jack Avery and New Girlfriend, Giselle Talia," you recite the headline that was on the image Jade had shown you.

"Y/N-"

"So now I know what you've been busy with lately," your voice is low and on the verge of breaking.

"Giselle is just a friend," Jack claims.

"Must be a special friend if you can hang with her and not talk to me for more than thirty seconds," you push your lips to the side.

"It's not like that-"

"If I would've gone to a law school in Cali, would things be different?" You ask.

"She's nothing special, Y/N, I love you and only you, I promise," he rushed out.

"You don't talk to me, Jack," you sadly say and he can hear it in your voice. "You never reply my texts and you don't answer my calls. It's like we aren't even together."

"I'm trying, Y/N, I really am," he sighed.

You stay silent, fighting the tears as you fiddle with your sweatpants drawstring.

"Y/N..."

"Is this all worth it?" You whisper.

"Of course it is," he immediately responded. "We made a promise before you left, baby. We promised we'd make it through this. Nothing could come between us."

"I'm trying, Jack," you cried. "I really am."

"I'm sorry I haven't been trying as much," he admits. "This is just hard. I don't get to see you or touch you and I miss you so much."

"It's not easier for me, Jack," you shake your head. "I have law school and classes and I'm stressed out 24/7 but I still make time to call you and-" a small cry leaves your mouth and his heart clenches at the sound.

"This is what I'm talking about," Jack exhales. "You're crying and I can't be there to hug you or tell you everything is alright."

"Then just make an effort, Jack," you huff. "My favorite part of the day used to be talking to you and you haven't been there."

"I know," he mutters. "I'm sorry."

You stay quiet, biting your bottom lip.

"Babe..."

You wipe a few tears away.

"I love you," he says. "I really do."

"I know," you sniff. "I love you, too."

"We're gonna be alright."

"I want to believe you-"

"We're gonna be alright," Jack said more sternly this time.

"We're gonna be alright," you sigh.

---

"America is so weird," Jade mumbled as she stared wide-eyed at the seat you sat in the car - the driver's seat. "Why the left right? That makes no sense," she claimed.

"That's what I thought when I came to London," you told her.

"I just don't get it," she shook her head.

Jade had come with you to California because she's never been to America and decided to go along with you.

It was a week earlier than when you were supposed to arrive, but you were excited because Jack didn't know.

He's going to be so surprised.

"How close away are we?" Jade asked.

"We're here, actually," you hummed, parking the car right in front of the boys' shared house. You had called the boys the day before and they promised to leave the front door open after they headed out for the day.

"Woah," Jade raises her eyebrows. "Impressive."

"Yeah, this house is amazing," you nod, climbing out of the car with Jade following right after. You didn't lock the car because it would be loud and you didn't want Jack to have any clues of your arrival before laying his eyes on you.

You slowly open the front door with Jade quietly behind you. A smile graced your lips when you saw the layout of the compound, something you haven't seen in months.

You turn to Jade and gesture for her to wait, to which she nods in response before you began to head upstairs and towards Jack's room.

Your heartbeat sped up when you reached the second floor. This would be the first time you'd see Jack in person ever since you left to London. This meeting has been anticipated for so long and it was finally here.

He didn't even know about it.

You didn't knock when you reached his door before turning the doorknob and pushing it open.

If only you were ready for what rested behind that door.

Your entire body seemed to shut down when the white wooden door that blocked you from the sight was out of the way.

No noise left your lips when you saw a sleeping Jack lying in bed with no clothes on with Giselle lying right beside him, the only cover she had being the blanket that you and Jack have slept under plenty of times.

You didn't know what to think, feel or... you couldn't even register what was happening.

Never in a thousand years would you have even thought of the scenario of Jack cheating on you.

You've never felt so sick to your stomach.

The light from the hallway entering the room must've done something because Jack's eyes fluttered a bit before he woke up.

His tired eyes instantly roamed his room before they landed on his doorway, where you stood, your face pale and eyes glossy.

He also couldn't process what was going on but what he did know were two things. (1) He cheated on you. (2) You now knew.

"Ja-Jack?" your cracked voice whimpered out as you tried to keep yourself from bursting out into hysteric sobs. You pull a hand up to cover your mouth as Jack jumped out of bed, his eyes wide when he realized he had no underwear on.

A choked sob left your lips as you had to close your eyes for a second to get the sting in the back of your eyes to hurt.

"This can't be happening," you shook your head as he rushed to put on his briefs, his eyes hastily glancing between you and Giselle, who still lied asleep under his covers.

"Y/N, I-I can explain," he said, his insides lit with nothing but panic and regret.

"I trusted you," you cried. "Two years together and..."

"Baby," he tried to move closer to you but you only flinched backward.

"I hope you have a fantastic fucking life with that skank," you spat before racing down the hallway and stairs.

It was a fight or flight situation and you tried to stick around to fight but you just couldn't. So you fled.

"Y/N! Wait!" Jack called after you as you grabbed Jade's arm and began to pull her out of the house.

"What's going on?"

"You were right. I'm an idiot," was all you said in response as the two of you climbed into your car, Jack running out of his front door just as you turned the engine on. "Such a fucking idiot."

---

Two Months Ago

"Stop being an introvert," Jonah walked up to Jack, who sat on the couch in their living room. "Socialize. It's a party," Jonah gestures towards the open slide doors that lead to the back, the blaring music and voices of the crowd of people loud enough to make one want to buy earplugs.

"I'm busy," Jack mumbled as he stared at his phone, a picture of you on it.

"With what?"

"Y/N hasn't answered my calls today and we haven't really spoken in the past week," he sighs.

"She's probably busy, it's like seven in the morning where she is right now," Jonah shrugs.

Jack sighs and clicks his phone off.

"I'm not really in the party mood," he leaned in on his elbows which rested on his thighs.

"Everybody else is having a blast," Jonah says.

"I'm not feeling it, tonight, Jonah," Jack frowned.

"Not feeling what?" Corbyn asked as he walked into the house with a solo cup in his hand and a black and white towel wrapped around his neck and bare upper torso.

"Jack's being a bummer. He won't come out and party because Y/N is busy and can't answer his calls," Jonah says in a teasing manner. Jack rolls his eyes and rises to his feet.

"I'm gonna head upstairs-"

"No, no, no," Corbyn put his drink down on the coffee table. "You are going to dance, and jump into the pool, and socialize with us until the party is over."

"You can't hook up with any of the girls, but you can still have a blast," Jonah jokes causing Jack to scoff.

"Amen," Corbyn hums as he goes to stand behind Jack and push him out of the house.

Jonah instantly disappears into the crowd as Corbyn leads Jack to a group of his friends.

There were three girls and two guys standing there.

"Guys, this is Jack, my best friend and band member, as you guys know," Corbyn introduces Jack, who exhales with boredom. "Jack, this is Michael, Anna, Claire, Kai and Giselle."

Jack's eyes roam over the people in order, taking notes of Corbyn's L.A friends. Michael was a buff guy with curly blonde hair and brown eyes; Anna was a Latina who had long dyed red hair and brown eyes; Claire was a short girl with short blonde hair and green eyes; Kai was a light skin muscular guy with curly brown hair and hazel eyes; and Giselle was a pretty girl with curly brown hair and light blue eyes.

"Hey," they all grinned and Jack kindly greeted them back.

The rest of the night was a blur. But what Jack could remember out of it all was Giselle. How much they talked and how Giselle subtly flirted. He could still remember her face when he mentioned his girlfriend in that exact term, but that didn't stop her from being so touchy.

Jack woke up in the same bed as her the next day.

"Shit," he shakes his head. "Shit, shit, shit," he hisses, jumping out of bed and looking for his clothes.

His heartbeat was fast and his thoughts were rapid.

"What the fuck did I do?" He whimpered to himself, grabbing his hair with a hand as he looked at the sleeping Giselle that lied in his bed, her clothes spread all around the room.

He felt his heart skip a beat when his phone started ringing and the ringtone for your number played.

He couldn't answer it. He just couldn't.

He just cheated on you and he didn't even remember it happening.

But he couldn't not answer.

He picked up his phone from the nightstand and slid across the screen, answering the call.

"Hey, baby," you smiled into the phone.

"Hey, princess," His voice wavered as he spoke and he caught it.

"What's wrong?" You furrowed your eyebrows. "Did I just wake you up? I'm sorry, I still haven't gotten used to the different time zones."

"No, it's okay. Just woke up before you called, actually," he swallowed loudly, turning away from Giselle with his eyes clenched shut.

"Oh. You sound distressed or something," You hum into the phone.

"No, I'm alright," he bit the inside of his cheek. "But I have to get ready for something with the guys, so I'll call you back later, okay?"

"Okay," he could head the disappointment in your voice and he felt his insides clench. "Talk to you later, then. Love you."

"Love you, too," he then instantly hangs up. Jack takes a second to breathe, feeling queasy in the stomach and weak in the knees.

"Was that her?"

Jack whipped around and clenched his jaw when he was Giselle sitting up on his bed with the blanket covering her bare chest.

"You bitch," he hissed.

"Excuse me?" She scoffed.

"You knew I had a girlfriend, you took advantage of me being drunk," he accused her.

"Um, it was you who came on to me, you asshole," Giselle spat as she jumped out of bed and began searching for her clothes.

"I was drunk," he argued.

"You were horny," Giselle rolled her eyes.

"Get the hell out," He angrily gestured to the door as she threw her top on.

"You see me trying to do exactly that!" She yelled, snatching her shorts off the ground and pulling them on.

Jack shook his head, going to sit on the edge of his bed and bury his face in his palms. A few minutes pass before Giselle has her bag, money and most of her clothes.

"Wait," Jack calls right before she opens the door. "Don't... Don't tell Corbyn about this."

She doesn't respond, biting her bottom lip and twisting the doorknob before exiting the room and closing the door after her.

Jack sat there staring at the door as he felt guilt and regret fill his body.

"Fuck!"

---

One Week After The Party

Jack hasn't talked to you for a week.

It wasn't you, it was him.

Every time he'd see your face in his mind he'd feel a heavy load of guilt and remorse for what he's done and what you didn't know.

The day after the incident he had almost called you to confess but he backed out of it, the mere thought of losing you enough to make him wince and whimper.

"Remember my friends from the party last week?" Corbyn asked the guys as he walked into the living room.

"That one chick with the red hair was hot," Jonah hummed and Corbyn rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well they're coming over later today. You guys wanna come hang out with us at the mall?" the blonde boy offered.

"I'm down," Jonah spoke up.

"I know you are," Corbyn chuckled.

"I'll go," Daniel shrugged.

"I'm meeting up with August in a bit," Zach mentioned.

"I'm with Zach and August," Jack informed them, ignoring the pit in his stomach that formed at the thought of seeing Giselle again. "I'll be in my room for now." He quickly made his way out of the living room and to his room, closing the door and going to sit at his desk.

Jack pulled out his phone and the first thing that popped up onto his screen were missed calls and unanswered texts from you. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before sliding his finger across the only voicemail you left after three phone calls.

"Hey," your voice was quiet and soft. "You've been busy a lot lately, and I just wanted to see if you were okay. I hope you aren't staying up late and working again, it's not good to be so tired." He sadly smiled as your nurturing side seeped out. "I-uh, I miss you, a lot. I just really hope you answer sometime soon." He could hear the sadness in your voice. "I kind of feel like you're avoiding me, I just hope you aren't... Anyways, I've got to head to bed, so if you could just leave a text, that'd be great. Love you, bye."

Jack replayed the voicemail twice before sighing and placing the knuckles of his fist in the dip of his closed eyes.

Jack shut his phone off and turned to his laptop, where he went on about his business for about an hour before there was a knock at his door.

"Come in," he called, glancing up from his laptop when whoever knocked walked in. His eyes widen and he jumps up from his chair when he sees Giselle standing in his room, her hands behind her back. "What are you doin-"

"I just wanted to say I was sorry," she apologized. "You were right, I knew you had a girlfriend and I should've stopped us from going too far."

Jack didn't know what to say, so he nodded in acknowledgment of the apology.

"That's it?" She rose her eyebrows. "No 'thank you'?"

Jack sighed. "It wasn't just your fault. I was pissed with myself so I took it out on you and I shouldn't have done that."

Giselle gave him a short smile.

"Where is she, anyway?"

"Who?"

"Y/N."

"Oh, uhm, she's in London at Law school," he uncomfortably shifted from one side to another, the feeling in his body not exactly warm as he spoke about you to the girl he cheated on you with.

"Nice," Giselle pushes her lips to the side. "Well... I'm gonna go now."

"That'd be great," Jack hummed.

A week after that awkward encounter, Jack ran into Giselle once again. This time it was even more unplanned than the last. Jack was home alone and Giselle stopped by looking for her bracelet she had lost the last time she had been there.

Jack had invited Giselle, which had started as a simple and friendly gesture and ended in the wrongest way possible.

Jack had spent thirty minutes mindlessly ranting about how distressed he was about you living in another country and how much he missed you and that lead to him talking about how he just wants to be loved but he feels like he can't be when you're over five thousand miles away.

Somewhere in that conversation, something went wrong because the next morning Jack had woken up in the same situation he had two weeks ago.

Jack knew he did something wrong but he didn't regret it as much as he did before. He wanted company and to be intimate and you weren't there to do that for him, so in his brain, he found a substitute.

If only he knew it'd happen over and over again for the next month.

---

Present

"What the fuck, Jack!? How long has this shit been going on?" Corbyn's voice boomed through the house as he stood in Jack's doorway, his face red and eyes dark blue with fury.

Corbyn and the rest of the guys had been at the mall when you called him hysterically crying, barely getting the words out properly to form that you've been cheated on. Though once that fact was established, Corbyn headed straight to the house in such anger that he forgot his bags at the food court table him and the boys were at; Zach had grabbed them for him.

Corbyn was your best friend, and he was the one that introduced you to Jack two years ago.

So imagine how he felt when he found out that Jack had been sleeping with another friend of his under everyone's noses for the past two months.

"And Giselle!? My best fucking friend who has a fucking girlfriend?" He was livid, his fists and jaws clenched. "Y/N is my best friend. How dare you do this shit to her? All she's ever done was love and trust and support you and this is how you repay her? By putting your dick into some slut," he didn't even hesitate to call Giselle out. "You have got to be kidding me right now," Corbyn let out a laugh, he was so vexed.

"Corbyn-" Jack began.

"Shut the fuck up," Corbyn hissed. "I trusted you with my best friend since birth, Jack. I was wary but she liked you and you liked her so I decided to just let loose and let you both do what you want. Two years, Jack. Two years. And you go and do this shit!"

"I didn't mean for this to happen," Jack choked out.

"I can't even look at your fucking face," Corbyn cursed for the hundredth time there and then. He diverted his narrowed eyes to Giselle. "You, get the fuck out of my house and never come back."

Corbyn then marched out of the room and down the stairs, storming right passed the rest of the guys who stood listening to everything being said.

"Where are you going?" Jonah asked.

"To see my best friend who's hurting right now," Corbyn opened the door and slammed it closed before making his way to the car and getting in, turning on the engine and driving to the hotel you were staying at.

---

Your week in America was tough. You wanted nothing more than to just head back to London and not return until you've graduated, give or take even that.

Corbyn had paid multiple visits to your hotel and the rest of the guys, excluding Jack of course, also stopped by.

Every night, you'd hate to admit it, but you cried yourself to sleep. You were going through serious heartbreak and a KitKat bar couldn't fix it.

Jade felt terrible listening to your cries in the middle of the night, wanting nothing more than to go up to Jack and accidentally run a knife into him about several times.

You spent most of your days wiping your tears, eating, crying, watching television with a blank face or all of the above at the exact same time.

Nothing made you happier than when you and Jade were on your way to the airport, ready to catch your flights back to school.

Nothing made you more irked than when you saw Jack standing in the airport right by your boarding flight.

He had tried to stop you, crying, begging, pleading and more. But you've never resented someone more than you resented Jack that moment.

Jade and you had made your way right past him before rushing to hand your tickets in and board your plane.

That was the last you've seen of Jack in a year.

---

The first three months were filled with Jack trying to get to you. No matter what you had blocked him on, he kept trying. But you weren't having it.

You changed your phone number and everything he had on you before starting anew.

It didn't take long for the public to hear about what happened, although they didn't know the full truth.

What they knew, or what they thought they knew, was that you and Jack had split because of the distance. Little did they know the break-up was a bit more brutal than that.

It took some time for Jack to get the hint, but the text message you had sent seven months ago officially put an end to everything.

"I wish I could take it all back. Every 'I love you', every hug, every kiss, the day I gave you my virginity, every date we've ever gone on... I've never regretted giving so much time to anybody.

But then again I'm happy we dated. Without you I think would've never met the boys and done half the things I've done. Without you, I'd probably still be a prude virgin who's never done a single intimate thing in her life.

You've caused me the most pain and heartbreak I've ever experienced. Nothing you could say or do could change anything and you need to get that through your mind.

I truly thought you loved me. I truly thought you cared. I was an idiot and I fell for your boyish charm, talent and phony personality. You'd think you know someone after spending two years of your life with them, but nothing would have ever prepared me for the living breathing proof that you had been sleeping with another woman for two months in our relationship. I can't help but think that I wasn't enough and part of me wished that I was, but I'm over that now. I'm over you now.

It's taken me some time but I've decided to move on with my life. I'm attending a law school in London, for God's sake. Some douche who can't keep his dick in his pants isn't going to take me away from the road I'm taking on life.

I wrote this all to you because I just needed you to know this before I change my number and never have to encounter you ever again.

It'll be hard avoiding you because of how big Why Don't We is growing, and the boys are still my best friends - just because you cheated doesn't mean they did something wrong.

But I'll try. And I need you to get that.

So go back to sleeping with Giselle, tell her you love her and then waste a good two years of her life before cheating on her as well.

You know, I never believed the saying that "all good things must come to an end".

And I still don't.

Yeah, we had it good, but it wasn't enough to keep you in it so it wasn't actually good at all.

Maybe one day I'll find my good thing and it won't come to an end.

Have a fantastic fucking life, Jack Avery."

---

A year had passed and you were better than ever.

You were doing great in school, you made new friends, your relationship with Corbyn and the guys hadn't faltered.

Oh, and you had a new boyfriend.

---

Why Don't We only grew in the past year. Every day they grew more fans and every day they grew more known around the world.

It was only an amount of time before they ended up in London, coincidentally the exact same city you were resigning in.

Corbyn had eventually forgiven Jack but their relationship had never been the same after everything and there will always be a tension between the two.

"London is so beautiful," Daniel hummed as he and the guys roamed the streets around where they'd performed earlier that night.

"You could say that again," Jack nodded.

"I wonder if-" Zach's voice faded from Jack's mind as his eyes roam the street and stop on a familiar looking figure in a near distance.

He stopped walking as he narrowed his eyes before making out that it was you, Y/N Y/L/N, standing across the street from him.

What were the odds?

"Jack?" Jonah asked, causing the other boys to turn and furrow their eyebrows at the gaping boy. They then turned to what he was looking at and froze when they saw you walking on the opposite side of the street.

But you weren't alone.

You walked hand in hand with a man who had quiffed brown hair and stubble, a scarf wrapped around his neck and a fitted blazer accompanying his body.

You were clad in a burgundy dress with black leggings and high boots, a jacket covering your torso from the cold and a hat rested on top of your beautiful hair.

"Is that?-" Corbyn began but cut himself off when he realized that it was his best friend, Y/N. "It's Y/N," he affirmed. "With Leo."

"Who's Leo?" Jack couldn't help but ask.

"Her boyfriend," Zach replied.

Jack tilted his head in confusion. "How do you guys know about this Leo guy?"

"We talk to her," Daniel shrugged, his hands buried in his coat pockets.

"They've been dating for a few months," Corbyn adds.

"She doesn't post him on Instagram," Jack muttered, not surprising the boys. They knew he occasionally wandered off to your account.

"Only on Snapchat," Jonah hummed.

"Oh," Jack murmured as he watched you throw your head back in laughter at whatever Leo had said.

He couldn't help but feel jealous and a wave of nostalgia pass over him as collections of memories with you passed through his mind.

But there was something not even he could deny.

Your smile was twice as large than the ones you used to give him.

---

Masterlist | Request Here

883 notes · View notes

thewhimsicalfairy · 5 years

Text

DAY 1 of NO CONTACT

Woke up crying today...i basically cried myself awake...

it first came as a few tears rolled off my face and then a consistent torrent like rain showers... the finality of it all...how i know that i was instrumental in this decision...still hurt like crazy (crying like crazy again, totally not gonna be looking my best at the wedding later...) the fact that i will no longer hear from you again...even if a text meant that it was just a bone for me to pick to ruminate...but no more...

cried in the shower last night...the silent kind cos i can't risk my mom knowing... everything in this was my choice my decision and i just have to bear with it...for now for however long it takes... but it just hurts so much now for some really odd reason...i really do have it bad for you...and now i single handedly denied my own personal drug and i'll just have to live without it and figure out how to move on... i know it will get better someday somehow but i just had to put this out here... consider this a physical documentation of this non-relationship...

x x x

i asked you out for dinner...wanting to put an end to this torment that you were putting me through...technically through no fault of yours but still...

you were WFH as you were still nursing that nasty throat (which developed into a scratchy cough no thanks to the haze - you are quite delicate eh?) so i trained down to your area to meet you you gave me pretty specific instructions on how to navigate the train station and picked me up at the bus stop. we had some convo of sorts while figuring out where to dine...pointing out to me your condo block etc...first choice Chinese place at Greenwich V was dead so we settled on Punggol White beehoon place...the only beehoon you eat (also a fairly pick eater) looking over the menu i vetoed most of the choices in view of easier options for your throat...cold drinks anything wasn't gonna do your throat any favours but you wanted barley cold...anyhow more convo over dinner...we touched on your side project and how i'm really am not the target audience (i am cheap like that...) i paid for this meal...consider this our last meal together... the drive back my home we discussed music...about Jay Chou's new track and me saying i dun get the hype and his previous track was better... played that track on your phone as it wouldn't connect to the car's audio system...(tried not to look cos i know i'd spy her name but i saw it anyway) played Maroon 5's new track, that 1 i really loved...and then it was back to radio and how the DJ was some love guru and how he basically only has one listener who calls in every night to dedicate songs that night was TLC's Waterfalls...and pagers and completely random stuff really...but i always enjoyed our convos cos they always took no particular shape and form but flowed naturally...

then A Great Big World's 'Say Something' came on...this track struck a chord in me...no less cos i have been listening to the Spotify 'Heartbreak' playlist on and off the past couple of weeks...

//Say something, I'm giving up on you I'll be the one, if you want me to Anywhere, I would've followed you Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small It was over my head I know nothing at all And I will stumble and fall I'm still learning to love Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you Anywhere, I would've followed you Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride You're the one that I love And I'm saying goodbye Say something, I'm giving up on you And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you And anywhere, I would have followed you Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you Say something, I'm giving up on you Say something//

it is very apparent why it resonated with me now no...

after getting off the wrong exit cos you chose not to GPS it...we made it back at my place anyhow... and we began our usual heart to heart convos in the car...this time for the last time...

you kinda expected a convo was coming (it has come to this hasn't it...everytime we want/need facetime/ask each other out for a meal, it's because we need to talk...) i struggled a bit at the beginning as always and then you said maybe you should go first but i said i will do it...then sharing that i did consider just going mia and maybe saying everything via a letter but that felt too dramatic and it'd be terribly long (like how this blog post will be) you suggested email (well i could've looked your email up which is true) but anyhow here goes...

what are we now really..? i am really nothing more than a texting buddy and it is clear that you can't give me what i want... and it has come to a point where every text you send feels like a bone to a dog and i am said dog who will ruminate over the bone till the next one gets thrown my way and i don't like the version of myself i've become... i was on this roller coaster of emotions (maybe a kiddy size one compared to the huge one that you are riding but still a roller coaster nonetheless) for the first 2 weeks but after last Thursday's lunch convo i saw it with so much clarity... that you are not helping yourself to move on from the pain and i can't keep riding this dark wave you are on pulling us both down... and as much as you have not admitted it i firmly believed that i was just a rebound... i want my happiness back and so i need to remove myself from this pain...and i'm gonna do it cold turkey even it means yanking out a piece of myself forcefully and even if it hurts...(and boy does it hurt man)

you kinda already saw my response/decision coming cos yeah it's gotten pretty obvious my responses have been lacklustre of late (i was trying to hold back something, or my walls were coming up again) but honestly what i've been reduced to is a texting buddy and that i don't want to put myself through the mental torture of wondering when this stream of bones was gonna dry up, when will the next text be and all...

you shared how your emotions worked after a sesh with your sister (sisters are truly the best really)...how growing up you never learnt about emotions from your parents (typical Asian parents) that there was no touch or hugs as a form of communication in your family (again typical Asian household as well but i had my sister who was there for me for that) and how you only learnt what you know of emotions through relationships the first one being at 15 and how you basically invested your entire emotional wealth on this one person who has now basically left this huge void in your life and heart and you'd need time to refill this emotional mana (haha gaming speak) (but yes i get it which is why i said i was the rebound) you clarified that liking someone wasn't based on how tall they were whether they smoked or drink...those were just filters...cos liking someone is just that right you can't quite define it it just happens (this i wholly agree thanks and no thanks to you) and you confirmed that we had some good times even if they were short (thank you for acknowledging that cos i have been going crazy around my head wondering if it was all bullshit and a fantasy but it just might mean nothing to you on retrospect #becosrebound) (i mean in the grand scheme of things i'm probably just an asteroid vs a meteor shower and i can't beat that and i'm also not faulting you for it...) and you've had friends tell you the same thing (clearly whatever i said about removing the source of pain wasn't just a solo voice) 19 Sept was the hearing and you've already gotten the lawyer's letter that the Interim Divorce has been filed...so between now till 20 Dec if nothing changes the divorce will be final and somehow i felt that you wavered then...that if you were given the chance or indication to undo all this you will...but you've also went to see 3 condo units last week (to buy now not to rent) and with the Interim Divorce you can actually move forward with putting up a request with HDB to put your house up for sale... i've seen the space (random googling brought me there) and it's gorgeous (and i kinda can understand why you wouldn't want to give that up) but do what you need to do...

whatever been's said and done you obviously need way more time (i’m thinking closer to a year) to get over this phase and you also acknowledged that i was the kind of girl that needs a commitment not the grey zone shit that we’ve playing at and you are in no state to give me that...and as much as i said before that i was willing to wait and be there for you and all...i realise i can't...not after knowing that you've done nothing to help yourself...and as much as i want you, i want what we shared (before everything went to shits), you probably will not want me the same way when you are whole again #becosrebound so i had to do this the hard way which is to walk away...from this heartache from you...

towards the end, we talked about my take on this whole experience (basically a post campaign report if you will) i shared that i'm glad for the experience never mind how it transpired...this great white blank piece of paper finally has some graffiti (my choice of words) / colour (yours) and i also came to understand what i want better and that was someone who will place me as priority and always choose me no matter what and making everything so easy that i never ever had to doubt his intention or meaning... and when i meet that someone i will know (hopefully haha)

and then i just said 'well have a good life', popped out of the car, collected my things at the rear seat and left with a 'bye'. 头也不回的走了...i'm glad that i ended this on my own terms and not be a wastrel and dodged the subject and have it drag on to infinity because i know i deserve better and i needed to tell it to you ftf and that you will want to hear it from me... i never gave you the option of remaining friends or anything...my time my terms...

right now i need to pick up the pieces even if it was just a short 2 month span cos just passing by IP will be like 'oh he works here', walking past Oasia Hotel will be like 'oh we first met here' and all the little things that go off like alarms... but i'll get there...where all these will eventually be like 过眼云烟...

x x x

the tears come and go in bouts...in waves...i've never cried so much over a person before, not even when my dad walked out on us... i guess it really is true that you don't really forget your first love... maybe the frequency will let up in time...hopefully...

somehow the airport has kinda became our place in my head...cos of all the flying we’ve done in between this short 2 months... guess no one’s gonna be sending me to the wedding later today... or sending me to the airport tomorrow...or picking me up from the airport when i return...just no more... right now i can't wait to spend time with friends in Sydney, somewhere which i've never gone before (((: change of environment to create new experiences and memories...

#all this shall come to pass #first love #첫사랑

0 notes