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#that was such a GOOD last ep like i still want more but damn they got me with this mini series u did it again mr garfield
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pit babe ep 7 stray thoughts
- way made him feel undeserving of love….
- so jeff is like that cause he’s plagued by visions..
- ok now i get the peteway posts. oh ways pathetic nature and whiny bitch demeanor have captivated pete body and soul
- oh way might be my little meow meow of the show
- oh god oh fuck i might be a peteway boy
- kim needs to kiss winner to shut him up
- omg person who hurt protagonist was antagonist pikachu surprise face
- scream this is so dramatic. the scheming it’s all coming together (also peep kentakim this is for you le trash prince)
- ok so this is where we find out tony wants to sell babe for bitching
- AH CHARLIES THERE THE DRAMA
- do they know charlie’s powers also who WAIT IS THIS A NUTHPHOP BALLADnvm just sounded like ambivalent thoughts
- way seems happy i don’t trust this. is he about to break
- oh he is oh no it’s babe. oh i think someone’s gonna ugly cry it can go either way at this point. babe sweeeeep
- oh… maybe i don’t want this babe babe nooooooo nooooooo. oh he’s gonna close his heart off to other people now isn’t he oh fuck noooooooo SOMEONE STOP HIS THOUGHT LROCESS PPLEASE
- i don’t understand ways face here i need subtitles but for facial expressions
- oh poor puppy
- does anyone know if they make the music in house
- this ep might be my fav so far….
- is way an omega y’all
- there’s been a shift in babe…. i can’t explain it but something changed in the last 20 min
- babe being an easy cryer is so important to me actually
- ooo surveillance being a theme again lets goooo
- SCREAM CHARLIE BACKSTORY AND MOTIVSTION OH GOD ITS HAPOENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM
- charlie trauma enthusiasts let’s gooooo
- tony is so fucking evil i hope charlie rips his face off
- how wild would it be if winner was an enigma. like he’s not but could you imagine
- actually i need kenta to rip tony’s face off
- does charlie know about his power. does anyone
- babe looking like a wet feral cat i need to lie down
- SCREAM HE JUST FLAT OUT TELLS BABE LIKE THAY?!,!?!?! like i’d be scared to get punched like ???? it’s wild he just flat out says i took your power like wow i thought he’d lie at least a little
- these flashbacks can never be happy can they… always gotta leave you horny and destroyed
- charlie being like “don’t worry i can fix this. if you want i can just kill myself” like broooooo
- scream do you think charlie woke up one day like “damn he smells fine today” skejdjfjejrjr
- “can mama not break up with papa 🥺” “ 😒😑😩 fine”
- honestly i get babe if someone took away my sensory issues id still fuck them. much more enthusiastically then before probably. i get him now liking kissing too like this makes perfect sense to me
- oh way….. oh god this pathetic man nothing can go right for him ever ima creaming
- i also get babe because charlie is so cute id fold immediately like so what you stole my super powers look at your cutie patootie self how could i stay mad
- oh here we go car sex scene- are they talking about booty holes rn is this happening on my screen… good for them
- oh way… i’m so sorry my baby boy im so sorry… honestly he’s stronger than me i would’ve been throwing shit THE BOUQUET
- ok so are the only ones with special powers jeff babe and charlie (and way ??)
- NORTHSONIC these absolute clowns. does he not understand adoption i love him. nosrthdaonic aenwwvehtjrngn l. what are these two talking about. way omega confirmation ????
- sonic get your boy on a leash his poor impulse control and lack of common sense is staggering
- kim kinda right like let him cook oh ew fuck tony for that too
well what an ep
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bronx-bomber87 · 11 hours
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Good evening wonderful fandom! SO glad to have a new ep to do some quick thoughts on. I missed our babies. As stated few weeks back the gif library is a turd right after an ep. So quick hand made ones till summer. Off we go.
6x04 Training Day
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Lucy saying she’s fine as she consistently does all her fidgety tells screaming she is anything but LOL Tim picking this up too love it. Smart man saying what he does about “being fine.” They cute with her saying 'Does he want her to be upset?' He's so good at making her laugh in this moments. Makes my heart happy. Till John appears.... Way to jump in on their moment Nolan. Of course the man makes it worse…She was laughing before you got there John…Tim's face when she takes off. Like if I could punch you Nolan...
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Oh Lucy... Definitely hitting her hard she’s still a patrol officer. Tasks that didn't used to bother her as much are. Ugh my girl. This is rough. You are anything but fine my friend…Poor Lucy last thing she needs is more alone time with her thoughts at a scene that'll take forever to wrap up. Not only that but babysitting puke…I think our girl is headed toward quite spiral that has yet to happen. Tim is gonna do his best to keep her sane but I have a gut feeling we are headed there. I could be wrong but just how I'm feeling.
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Lucy killing me softly watching Juarez and Nolan get recognized on Tv. Mmm I am loving Tim coming to pick her up yum yum. Lucy mentioning almost getting that call... Damn nothing going her way today. Or lately... Think her only sanity at this point is that man next to her. Tim of course is picking up on it immediately knowing her mood is linked to Primm. Knows his girl so well. Stating she was hoping could've proved him wrong with catching a call like that.
I love this scene. Lucy telling Tim about her crappy day and Tim giving her perspective. Saying she could be the big hero tomorrow. Not only that but making her smile as well. Look at him building her up like it’s second nature. Cause it is. Damn I love these two. Him basically leaning on her and bumping her shoulder with his telling her not to be too greedy hehe That Lucy smile of his loud and proud. Making her beam as well. She loves this man next to her so much.
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Oh my lord this entire scene had my heart racing. What an absolute BAMF our girl is holy hell. Tim would've lost his mind seeing this. Hell I did. I screamed when she got hit and my dog ran from the room LOL The looks on Harper/Lopez's face when she went down oh my goodness. The absolute panic on their faces. Right there with you ladies. This was a huge risk she took to prove herself. One like I said Tim would’ve lost his mind at seeing.
Lucy was definitely being the big hero this entire scene oh my lord my heart was pounding. What a way to impress Harper and Lopez but give me a damn heart attack. That scene in the ally with the brother..... I was worried when he didn’t stop she was gonna have to shoot him. Giving me 5x19 flashbacks. I think she is going to CARRY this with her for a long time. Being an empath is no joke. Our girl one of the finest even at her own detriment.
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I was hoping for some insanely worried Tim and they DELIVERED. Like that man couldn't breathe till he set eyes on his girl. Oh my damn lord. The way he ran to get to her. Man on a mission doesn’t even stop to check in with Grey. By-passes them completely. Only wants to get to Lucy. His hand on her head had me reeling everyone. It's the gentle way he caresses her hair I'm squeeing. Also his non stop touching.
Trying to ground her by letting her know he was there emotionally and physically. Rubbing his thumb up and down her her collar bone. The sweet squeezes. I'm a puddle.. The way this man has transformed because of her still blows my mind. The sweet comforting touches. I'm losing my mind. His adorable attempt at a joke telling her she didn’t have to take the hero suggestion literally. Ugh Lucy breaking my heart into million pieces. Saying she doesn’t feel like one.
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Melissa you deserve all the awards madam I’m crying. Her little pre cry when he says they'll deal with it my damn heart. Killing me. I love how Tim's hands have not left her for 90 percent of this moment. Protective Tim was very much present in this scene with Wes. Grey was too being like dude let us take the win. Feral Tim having Wes back it off for tomorrow. Wade being the sweet man he is says that's ok. Lucy is going to be anxious about all this. I would be stressed about him succumbing to his injuries now that Wes said that. Read the room Evers lol
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Gah Tim telling her let’s go home. Then we get another glorious hug where he encases her in his arms. Protecting her emotionally from this situation. Lucy burying herself in his embrace. Wrapping her arm around him tightly to ground herself again. She needed to fall apart in his arms before they left. THIS IS SOO GOOD. Annnnnnd another head kiss I’m dead I am writing these thoughts from the grave.
Oh my word this season has delivered in spades both friggin crap. I’m out of breath from this episode in the best way. Also whoever does the music needs a raise I say it time and time again. But that song was perfection against the backdrop of this final scene. Was telling D earlier I already need to change my header to it.
I love this hug SO much it's insane. Sure I'll write a novel on it this summer. Having everything that's going on plus this I think our girl is hurtling toward a breakdown of some sort. Some actual UC/detective feelings coming with it. Cause our girl is anything but fine. I'm so excited to see where we go from here S6 has every bit worth the wait. I cannot wait till next week
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Side notes -non Chenford
Yay Aaron progress in therapy. Back to active duty ha his heart rate going up for her too cute.
We finally get Nyla’s new hair style. Loving it
Adore the idea of Tim being one to take Aaron back out. Ain’t no one better.
Mmmh love hard ass TO Tim in metro uniform yummy. Does things to me. Aaron thinking he got this TRAIN but there is panic there.
‘Train is leaving the station officer Thorsen.’ Mmmm He does impress Tim for this first call. Yay Aaron haha
Giving Aaron only 9 minutes before bouncing him back to being a rookie oh my lord Timothy. I love you so much.
I do adore watching Tim watching Aaron do well. I’m sure there is a part of him that misses being a teacher. You can see it in these scenes. The pride and excitement he gets when Aaron is doing well. Aaron doing little fist pump and Tim shaking his head I’m dying.
Also How can Tim make leaning against a chair look so sexy? I want to be the chair he is leaning against in this scene with the wife LOL
Glad he passed Tim's TRAIN test. Glad they took their time getting him back out there. Was realistic
Feel free to comment any and all thoughts. I welcome them. See you all next week!
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andyridgeley · 2 years
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jeb pyre when he finally leaves utah
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absolutebl · 1 month
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This Week in BL - It's 2024 & I'm talking about TayNew... really?
(They pretty much told us all to sit down and shut tf up, 'cause they got this. AND THEY DO.)
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
Feb 2024 Wk 3
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Ongoing Series - Thai
Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 9 of 12 - I broke. In my defense, it was Monday, I needed comfort, and TayNew were right tf there. Ya know what? They are great in this show. It's a great adaptation. I might like it more than the JBL live action. You know why? Really, honestly WHY...?
That was a PHENOMENAL KISS. Those boys did Thailand fucking proud. They did fandom a solid. Thank you OGs for reminding us how it's done. I was getting used to SloppyHot. And SloppyHot has its place, but that TayNew rooftop kiss was a top tear class act. It was tender and sweet and respectful and joyful. It was eye work and breath work and years of practice. How very far BL has come while still staying so much the same. TayNew - I salute you!
(Read all about distribution issues here.)
The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting, I guess? Bah.
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Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - The recipe book thing was so damn cute and I love a claiming. YOU KNOW I LOVE A CLAIMING!
In fact, I love OffGun.
I love food based BL.
I adored seeing a reboot of "the infamous dragging". 
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But I don’t love anything else about this show. Sigh.
1000 Years Old ep 1 of 12 - Finally we get our gay vampire BL from Feel Good Bangkok. Stars Shane (My Engineer) and fresh face Opal, directed by Champ (2gether). It’s kind of odd but enjoyable. A group of teen UFO seekers find a vampire instead. Opal looks a bit like a mix between Newnu + Leo (VIXX) - so cute + edge. Also, nice to see Shane again on our screens after so long. 
Finally, I like the subtle (and sometimes not subtle) presence of ghosts permeating this show. Do the friends know she's there? Do they know she's dead? Is the existence of paranormal accepted but not that of aliens? Or are the two combined? Is this lazy writing or just fun world building? Who cares! It's enjoyable.
For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 12fin - the nail painting bit was very cutie queers and I've not seen it done in BL before, so that was nice. For some reason captions never dropped for me on this last episode, but it didn’t really matter. Not much happened and I understood everything anyway.
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Quick pitch?
From the people who brought us Unforgotten Night based on a y-novel, about a young man nursing a heartbreak who has a one-night stand, but the other boy didn't want it to end. This turned out to be a pulp that wasn’t half as good as it should have been and even less memorable, but not terrible. 5/10 DON'T BOTHER unless you're v bored
City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Oh it is such a pulp: the acting is not good and the script is terrible. Of course, I’m mildly enjoying it. Very good dream kissing. There's something appealing about these main characters - I think it's the moot crushes. We rarely get to see that. These days everything feels very one sided, this... isn't.
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A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.
I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. I'll catch it grey if I can, since I've rebooted the bootlegging side of my BL life for Cherry Magic anyway.
So this show may stay in this section, or I may bump it down to "it's airing but..."
If anyone is watching it, let me know if it's good?
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Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Ugh it was GREAT, despite some pretty telling flaws. I ended up feeling like some of the filming was amateurish (very overworked low angles - director's first feature, I assume), and the narrative is a little disjoined and on the nose, AND the subs are clumsy (which I don't expect from KBL) BUT I still loved it. (FYI - I wouldn't be so harsh on a BL for this kinda thing except one from Korea.)
Quick pitch:
This isekai-based KBL is about a man who must win a game by convincing a reserved teen outcast to fall in love with him. Of course, that teen represents himself and his own unhappiness. Like many queer narratives, this show is actually about self worth, trust, and found family, and it is VERY on the nose. But I don’t expect subtlety from my BL and I enjoyed it's truly lovely redemption arc and earnest performances. While I found the narrative a touch disjointed with overworked filming angles and poorer than average captions, this is certainly much better than early KBL in terms of consistency of tone, script, and immersion. Highly rewatchable and charming, which counts for a lot. 9/10
Trigger warning for suicide depicted.
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Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Gosh, it’s so lovely. But I do just constantly want to give them both hugs. 
AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh look, Taiwan has created yet another BL where I spend most of the time watching it grinning like an idiot. Surprise surprise. The pet name thing was fucking adorable. Also Taiwan once more proving they come by their "kings of kissing" title honestly. I mean to say. In a week of good kisses this one was just... WOW.
On the other hand, some of the underpinning themes are starting to v worry me (ownership, consent, age), and we only just got started, and I don't trust this production company so... I have concerns.
But also... YAY KISSES!
(I'm made of weak moral fiber.)
Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - Like many other shows on this list. I just enjoy it the most when the two leads are on screen together. So this episode was kind of lacking because they were apart for most of it. I also am starting to agree with the tone of the plot, that maybe they ARE better off as friends not lovers. (And I'm sure I'm not supposed to want that.) Oh Japan, must you?
My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 8 - Oh it’s good. In the arthouse lane so don’t expect sweetness & light or an HEA. If there’s no cartoon aspect to a JBL, there’s usually no joy. But it is certainly good. Teens uncover some old film and a mystery around a pretty girl. The background music is wildly annoying (and rarely in the background). 
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It's Done
What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.
The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.
Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.
7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes have decided not to watch.
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It's Airing But...
Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting. I'm waiting to know how it ends.
Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.
Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.
Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.
Next Week Looks Like This:
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2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…
Sam Lin has a cameo so even if I wasn't already excited, I'm in. We should be on our guard though, Taiwan will occasionally go edgy, dark, and sad... this could go there.
One assumes GMMTV is filling in the BL time slot with something queer on their YT Channel after Cooking Crush ends, they gonna lose subs if they don't. But I've not been paying attention to the chatter so I don't know which of their line-up it will be. I think G4 are filming/off radar now, and Earth is in that het noona thing? Plus they gotta sort out the IP for MIx-Up and Ossen. So it won't be one of the announced adaptations. They'll hold My Golden Blood for the high season, so I think it'll be one of the lesser known lead-outs. Wandee or Only Boo maybe? But they only just started filming those. Are we getting our long awaited GL? Anything else left from 2023 that I forgot about?
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
Two crawling kisses from Thailand this week. Now this is a fetish I didn't know I had. Turns out, we love this one! (*waves hand in air* I speak for all of us now.)
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Cooking Crush
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City of Stars
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Possibly the best tsundere to cinnamon roll pivot we've had in a long time.
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Also the best asshole to KING pivot. Could we have a whole drama staring this character now? Please?
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And finally our sunshine learning to love himself.
SIGH. what a lovely show.
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And a good SMILEY kiss from a KBL.
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And then some cute cuddles? Korea is spoiling me these days. I'm catching expectations now. What's next? Japan learns to kiss in their light BLs? Ha! I kill me.
(All Love for Love's Sake).
(Last week)
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bengiyo · 2 months
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Last Twilight Ep 12 (Finale) Stray Thoughts
Last week, we learned that Day’s surgery was unsuccessful. We time skipped over his mom figuring out things to see that Mhok is having anxieties about Day and conflating them with Rung. Mhok has become overprotective even as Day has begun using his cane and exercising more independence. Mhok lied about a job opportunity in Hawaii and upset Day. Day reacted in the most extreme and broke up with Mhok.
So…we’re just skipping over the aftermath of that fight? They really just broke up and now it’s years later and Day is graduating? That whole journey ended on one lie? Be serious.
Did they really try to fake me out like Mhok might be the groom for Porjai? Be serious now.
Man, they really want this escalator scene to give It’s All Coming Back to Me Now, but I just don’t think you can earn that in a time skip this abrupt.
Suddenly Aof cameo.
Mixed feelings about Mhok assisting Day like this. At least he revealed himself at the end? It’s giving Revenge of the Nerds (1984) or The Goonies (1985).
Day has had Mhok blocked for three years???
Are we really just gonna start flirting after three years like this? Come on, now. What has changed??
All the meddling is cute, but I’m still at the three years no contact.
Unbelievable. Mhok says he did a bunch of emotional work and then thanked Day for breaking up with him, only for Day to say, ‘I’m glad we can discuss this as adults,’ without saying anything else. “This is real damn ridiculous. This is belemptious.”
Mom, why aren’t saying any of this to Day???
I do appreciate that Day and Night worked out their issues, but everything with the supporting cast feels like it’s all happening between scenes. Like why is the dad here? Are he and the mom going to reconcile? Do we care about this in any way specific to these characters?
Aof seems to like when one of his leads is holding back really hard for some reason, but Day is just not a good execution of that at all. I am not on his side the way I was with Phupha, Jim, or Pran.
If Mhok gives up the work and life he’s built for himself for three years to be with Day, I’m going to be just as annoyed as I was at the end of Enchante with Akk having to work his way to Paris to be with Theo.
So…Day has done no emotional work on his issues with Mhok in three years? I don’t even think Mhok’s issue was about even pitying Day. What the fuck is this?
That car is about to get towed!
I just know Namtam had a good time running around in an airport wearing a wedding dress.
We’re doing this whole reunion scene, so has Mhok just…processed his grief about Rung? We’re just gonna get back together now? Mhok is still talking about his mistake? We’re just gonna take over the aftermath of Night and Porjai’s wedding?
Eye donation? Oh…..this is about to take a turn.
I don’t like timing this to right after the unearned romantic reconciliation. This is a bad look. I had seen some posts earlier, and this is as bad as described.
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with Day getting his vision back, but putting it in the finale like this and rushing over the other conflicts makes it feel like a reward. It also has them quickly advancing past any other developments in Day’s life as he potentially reapproaches things he had before.
I’m feeling conflicted about them returning to the mountaintop, because there was so much acceptance in that first scene. I don’t know that there’s good mirroring here of any sort for this.
Final Verdict: 5, This Was a Huge Miss. I’m not sorry for this low rating on an Aof show. I cannot in good faith give this a 6 as decent but boring. The imbalanced writing between the romantic leads left me extremely dissatisfied for most of the back half show, and quickly showing your blind character adapting and even thriving in his circumstances just to have him monologue about being normal again at the end was so not the moment. @lurkingshan has already covered what this show messed up as a good starting point, and I want to state plainly that I will no longer be grading Thai BL on the curve of what the show is trying to be. It’s been ten years of Thai BL, and decades of BL and yaoi before it. These shows will be graded for what they are.
Jojo and Aof had big misses in the last year. Tee dropped the ball multiple times. Golf had a weird outing. New Siwaj failed me completely. We cannot worship these creators. They are just trying to make cool stories and help sell the juice. Sometimes they make really cool pieces that we love forever. Sometimes they flop. Aof tried something here and it didn’t reach the heights we expected of him. Directors are not gods. It’s fine for them to flop. There’s enough BL airing that a few shows being letdowns doesn’t leave us with nothing else to watch for weeks.
Still, I will say that I liked the chemistry between Jimmy and Sea, and I thought Mark and Namtam made a decent pair. When this show was good, I liked the moments.
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negrowhat · 1 year
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Eboni!! I was reading your tags under that daddy gifset post for phayurain and how you said that it is your favorite out of all thai bl love scenes and it got me thinking. What are your top 10 favorite love making scene from another bl series.
Tyler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gawd let me go do some research and compile my data!
TharnType's shower scene in TharnType 2: 7 Years of Love. Since their shower scene was cut from s1 we were rewarded in s2 and when Tharn LIFTED Type I damn near ascended (we won't ponder on how Tharn was able to keep a tight grip when they were both covered in suds).
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Tharn lifted Type a lot, I noticed, and it's one of my absolute favorite things. I'd also like to go on record and say that TT2 had some of THE best love scenes in all Thai BL.
The Green Bathroom Scene in KinnPorsche The Series. It's no secret I was OBSESSED with that scene. OBSESSED! It was literally perfection. Who knew a hand job could be so...personal...so intense...so erotic? Also it was filmed beautifully! The use of the mirror was *chef's kiss*
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The Kitty Play scene in Bed Friend. Oh mah gah! That scene was epic! Everything from the request to the consent to Uea being in total control? King being at Uea's feet practically the whole time? Also the tongue????????????? It was superb.
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Can I just go back on record and say that NetJames have NO business serving me everything. All their love scenes HIT!
Cai and Gav's first time in Gameboys 2/Gameboys the Movie. I was not expecting for that scene to be so GOOD! I wasn't expecting a love scene at all tbh. It was sweet and passionate and they practiced safe sex AND confirmed they were vers! 10/10. CaiReel actually own my whole heart.
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I really hope EliKoy get their flowers for Gameboys one day.
Yu Zhen and Shi Lei's first time in Be Loved in House: I Do. You ever read in a romance novel about how the couple reaches their boiling point? Like the tension is too much to ignore? That's what their first time was like. It was an explosion of passion and relief. Like if they hadn't done it then they would've combusted. Also...more lifting...
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The love scene in Check Out Ep 0...not to be confused with Check Out the Series. Anyways before Nine and Daonuea were ruined they had an amazing and blissful encounter after a fun resort party. They were freshly single strangers who happened to connect on their own solo trips to the same resort.
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When I say Chahub and Best DELIVERED on the lust and passion???? THE CHEMISTRY?? They really had me excited for the series...which is why I was so bummed when it flopped. I do encourage EVERYONE to go watch Check Out Ep 0 tho...if it's still on YouTube.
The locker room scene in Between Us. Where do I even begin????? Moving from the pool to the locker rooms to escape the cameras? Win reminding Team he could back out at any time. The damn near visible SPARKS between them??? The way Win looked like he wanted to eat Team up with a spoon?? I was gagged.
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The Couch scene in Manner of Death. Between Teacher Tan's hair pulling and Dr. Bun's slutty faces, I couldn't stop screaming. They really smashed in front of the evidence computer and their cactus. That adrenaline rush kicked in and had them going at it like it was their last night on Earth.
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Fighter and Tutor's first time in Why R U the Series. I was obsessed with that scene. Loved that Tutor was complaining about Fighter turning him on and then trying to back out. I love that Fighter started at Tutor's feet. I love that Fighter's neck was bared for Tutor. I loved watching them fight for dominance. I loved seeing how absolutely breathless Tutor left Fighter.
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Jim and Wen's "one night stand" in Moonlight Chicken. That was the most passionate and intimate one night stand I've ever seen. Uncle Jim covering Wen's face in kisses and lacing their fingers together? Wen kissing Jim all over????? For that to be EarthMix's first love scene they really delivered.
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slavghoul · 10 months
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Interview from Sweden Rock Magazine 6/2023
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In which Tobias talks about Phantomime, his inner little evil dictator, and why he'll never be like Bruce Springsteen, among other things.
You've just released another cover EP. I always thought that Ghost would be like Metallica and become known for picking up lesser-known songs, making them their own, and playing one or two covers at every show. You were on your way to that with first The Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun" and then with Roky Erickson's "If You Have Ghosts." After that, you released a bunch of covers, but in recent years, you've almost only played "Enter Sandman" live.
In the beginning, and especially up until 2015, the choice to play covers was not in exchange for original songs, but it was because we simply needed songs to play live. We played 'Here Comes the Sun' to fill out our set. We only had one album, and it was only 30 minutes long or something.
But "Here Comes the Sun" must have given you a taste for it since it worked so fantastically well live.
Yes, absolutely. We actually plan to play it again at some point because I think we can do a really great version of it now that our lineup better matches the sound of the song. The last time we played it was so long ago that we still used a lot of backing tracks and stuff. I think we can play it better now. But did you imagine that we would do covers of Saint Vitus, Trouble, and Coven?
No. Unlike Metallica, you didn't start with hard rock covers...
No, no.
...but with "Here Comes the Sun" and then "If You Have Ghosts," which became a big song in its own way, but "Enter Sandman" is a completely different type of cover.
Exactly, it has a completely different purpose. I think it's a good song, and it became a fun thing. There was clarity in why we played it and what was important about it. We don't do it anymore, not because we don't believe in the purpose, but it had its time. Now, "Jesus He Knows Me" is the most fun to incorporate because now we've embraced it as our own song. I feel like I have so much else, and I don't want to be... I mean, some people think it's a lot of fun, and Bruce Springsteen does a lot of covers at the end of a concert. A lot of cool rock 'n' roll classics. People enjoy it, and it's great. Disturbed also does that and plays "Highway to Hell" and "Run to the Hills" or whatever they do. It's a fun way to end a concert, but I don't know, I have a fondness for dramaturgy. That's why I could never do a Bruce Springsteen. I can't go on stage and just say, "Hey, what do you want to hear?" and then improvise. It's a show, and everything fits together tightly. I've been sitting here with our lighting technician for five days. We sit all day and just program lights based on the smallest damn beat so that it fits and so that we know that the guitarist will come out and switch to that guitar for the next song. It's this song, and he will come out there, and then we have to change these lights in the dark so that it's red on him there. Then it's not possible to have a "cover hour" at the end where we just turn on the lights and play Judas Priest. But if we do a Judas Priest cover at some point that feels really relevant and we can do it really well, then I have no problem arranging the lights and incorporating it into the context. Metallica is much more rock 'n' roll, they are much more "loose" than what we are... than I am. They have the ability to just go out and more or less turn on the lights in the room and play "Am I evil?", "Whiskey in a jar," "Blitzkrieg," and "Breadfan," and the happiest of all is me. I love when that happens, but I don't want to do it with Ghost. But sure, if in 30 years we have recorded a bunch of fun covers, maybe it could be a fun thing to do a tour with just a bunch of that.
How funny that you say "if we have recorded a bunch of fun covers." Ghost has already recorded a bunch of covers, so aren't they fun?
Haha! Yeah, yeah, but we're still building, of course. We're talking a lot about this, me and my agents and management. When is the time to do things? When should we take advantage? What is a "downplay" for us today? A "downplay" is very clear if you're Metallica. Everyone knows that when they come and perform, it's at least at the Globe Arena, sold out for at least two nights without any problem, and at their biggest, it's now two nights at Ullevi. For them, a clear "downplay" would be if they come and play at Göta Lejon again. There's a clarity there, and it's something they can indulge in.
Explain it so that people understand. What is a "downplay"?
A "downplay" is when a big band plays at a small venue. Like the Rolling Stones when they played at Circus. It's a clear "downplay," and there's a clarity there where you know that "now when I go and see the Rolling Stones at Circus, they won't have their big stage, they won't do this, and they'll just come up and play a bunch of really obscure stuff." Then there's a clarity. It's not something for everyone who just wants to hear the big hits.
And are there plans to do this?
If everything goes as planned and if there's still an interest in it in the future, I would think it would be really fun to intentionally and clearly reshape the show. To do something different on the side that isn't meant for these bigger things that we're currently trying to find our "pacing" in.
The first time I interviewed you was in 2011 at a sushi place in Stockholm.
Was it that long ago?
Yes, we met at the central station in Stockholm, and you had just had your first meeting with Nicholas Johansson at Universal, so this was before he signed you.
Okay, so it was the same day then? Oh, damn.
It became a full page in Expressen, and you said that you want to take Ghost to where Rammstein is. Now you've said the same thing again, but Rammstein no longer plays at the Globe Arena and instead does three nights at Ullevi. It feels like you're constantly shaping Ghost based on Rammstein. What will you do when you've reached three nights at Ullevi?
I hope one never becomes completely satisfied. The perfectionist in me is frustrated every day on tour when things don't turn out as good as I had envisioned. But I also have a cutoff point... There's a point every day when I try to see the glass as half full when it comes to perfection before the concert, and I know something is wrong. If I know that a spotlight operator doesn't seem to understand the show, it's an irritation that might continue during the concert because someone keeps missing their cues, that is, what they're supposed to do. You can tell they don't know the show. It's super annoying. It's the kind of thing that both I and everyone on stage feel, and we're all aware of it. Everyone has been made aware of what we're trying to achieve. We've arranged the whole show based on the idea that "when you come up those stairs, you will be visible, and then you will see what you're doing because a light will shine on you." If that doesn't happen, there's a risk that the person simply won't see what they're doing and will fall off. It happens. There's a lot of that kind of thing that's highly orchestrated with very narrow margins, and it has to be right. But I usually reach a point where it's like, "Now the concert is over. Everyone did their best, even that idiot up there who missed all their cues. Everyone did their best, and the audience doesn't seem to have left and demanded their money back, so you have to see it as a damn good result." That's how I try to approach it every day because, in the end, "no matter what, this is so much cooler than working a regular job," haha! I'm where I want to be, doing what I want to do. Then I have this little circus director Nazi inside me as well, screaming and wanting things to be a certain way. But I also laugh easily, so it's about constantly trying to balance everything and see it as always moving forward. But it also means that I know that even the day when or if we stand there at Ullevi and do a concert ourselves, it won't be exactly as I imagined. Something new will happen, and if we have the show I want, it will rain like hell or something. That's always how it is. Metallica's Lars also told me that when we were on tour together: "It's incredible. Even at our level, there are still things that happen that make us go, 'Damn, we're not quite there yet!'" But that's the thing. I don't think pirates become pirates just to come home and sit with the treasure. It was the piracy itself that was quite fun.
Now I'm going to say something provocative. This is Ghost's worst cover so far. I don't even like the original.
Which one?
"Phantom of the Opera."
Okay, haha!
Yeah, I got the laugh I wanted to be able to print, haha!
Well, haha! Don't you like the album or the song?
I'm not a big Iron Maiden fan, and I don't consider the Paul Di'Anno era sacred.
I love Iron Maiden and think the first two albums are really cool, but they got their act together when Bruce Dickinson joined. It was with "The Number of the Beast" that they became an arena band and started sounding really damn good. I know it's like swearing in church. It made me feel a bit inspired and made me think that if I were to do something with Iron Maiden, it damn well had to be something from those first albums. They have two albums with really proggy stuff and quirky arrangements, and you can really tell they had a bit of time and that they were low-budget recordings. That gets me going. Paul Di'Anno sings, and I love Paul Di'Anno. He's really cool, has a great voice, and sings with a lot of sloppiness. He soars and flies melodically - just the fact that "I know I'll do that in a different way." I've always liked "Phantom of the Opera," but for a long time in my life, before I really figured out how to count, I didn't quite understand how to play the intro. Not tonally, but I didn't get how to count in the intro. That was such a thing that one day when I suddenly figured it out, I thought, "Damn, I want to play this song someday." You miss it because on the album, you don't hear how great the intro is.
Is it you playing?
Yes, although Fredrik "Kulle" Åkesson (Opeth) is also playing. But I recorded all the demos, I play bass on the record, and I recorded all the guitars first.
Did Kulle do all the guitar solos on the EP?
Well, mostly, with one exception.
It's a very shreddy EP with a lot of flashy guitar solos.
Yes, exactly, there are quite a lot of guitar solos. Generally, this is how it works when we work: I compose the solos. When I write solos, it's not just a bunch of bends, but it's a melody. I'm very influenced by Kirk Hammett, especially how he played on "Ride the Lightning," "Master of Puppets," "...And Justice for All," and even on the black album. Every time he plays solos, they are melodies. He comes into the song and more or less plays another song within the song, and it's very hummable. It's not incredibly difficult stuff, and that's roughly my school of soloism. I like to compose the solos so that they turn out the way I want, but I myself am not a great shredder. There are a lot of tricks in the studio where I sit and play something over and over again, and then you can cut it in. And then you can slow down the speed, and then I can record it and make it perfect. But the result is that when I say, "It should go like this," Kulle listens to it and says, "Yeah, I can do that part a bit differently. Then I can do it this way to make it even faster." He plays solos from start to finish with his highly trained fingers. He has that whole thing in his DNA, while I'm more of a songwriter and composer.
But you play a solo on the EP, right?
I don't know if we kept it. I don't fucking know because we changed a lot of things.
Because you said that Kulle plays all the solos except one.
It could be a thing, but I don't remember if we changed it or not. But if we take "Phantom of the Opera," there are quite a few different guitar parts in it, purely guitar-wise. It's that fairly standardized Iron Maiden thing where there are two lead guitars playing melodies together. That's one thing, and then there was a slightly bluesy solo at a place where I added some storming Rachmaninoff piano that's absolutely not in the original. I thought it should be a bit of a stormy sea, and then there's a part with two guitars playing the same thing simultaneously, and then a solo duel starts. On the original album, it's Dave Murray and Dennis Stratton playing, and their solo duel is just okay. I don't think it's that great. Sorry, Iron Maiden fans, but in terms of solos, Iron Maiden really got good the day Adrian Smith joined. Adrian Smith is the one playing all the cool solos. I'm really sorry, Dave Murray, but that's just how it is! I know what Kulle has to go through because as a soloist, it's quite tough to constantly be told what to play, and then he has to do tricks and improve things. So, I said, "In this solo duel, you can pretty much play whatever you want from here to there, but I don't want you to challenge me because it will be a bad match. It'll be Carl Hamilton against Woody Allen, and that's not fun. We'll bring in Lasse Johansson from Candlemass." I love Candlemass, I love Lasse's guitar playing, and I know that Kulle loves Lasse. I just sat there, and they got to do their things, and you can hear that it's a bit more improvised. It's more Kulle when he gets to play his stuff, and it's nice.
I want to highlight a cover that turned out great on the EP: Tina Turner's "We Don't Need Another Hero." It feels quite suitable to cover because At The Movies also did a fantastic version of it with Ronnie Atkins on vocals.
Actually, I haven't heard it at all. I must have missed it.
Ghosts' version turned out really well, but isn't it too obvious to cover a big song, so to speak?
I would be a bit opportunistic and say this: it probably depends on how it lands. We stuck our necks out the day we were going to play "Enter Sandman" at our concert. It was one thing on TV because that's what it was (at the TV4-broadcasted "Polar Music Prize" in 2018), but you know that this is like playing "Smoke on the Water," "I Wanna Rock," or "Ace of Spades." It's one of those songs that is too well-known in a way. It can feel pancake-like, but it went well, and I feel that "We Don't Need Another Hero" could also become such a song, provided that the audience likes it. But it's not a song that you want to take up five minutes of the concert if it's not super fun.
And how do you know if the audience likes it?
The easiest way is to test it live. But you'll notice when the album comes out. If everyone mentions all the other songs and not that one, then maybe not many people are interested. Also, we usually do this sometimes during rehearsals: "We rehearse it and see how it sounds. How does it feel? How does it feel to play? Does it stick? Do we play it nicely? Does it work live?" I believe that if we fast forward to a huge presumed Ullevi [stadium] in the future, it's a fantastically cool song to play.
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moonroses-restuff · 3 months
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Stay A Little Longer - Bi-Han x Reader
A/N- this was highly enspired by the recent new ep from the Apothecary Diaries. I hope you enjoy it.
Warning: sad Bi-Han, not proof read lol. Sfw
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You were on the roof, staring at moon light and stars, drinking some alcohol after such a stressful day. Your body was aching from all that unnecessary training with Bi-Han. You couldn’t help but wondered what was going on with him. He was much rougher than usual during training. Much angrier. Almost like he didn’t care if he hurt you.
It scared you. Luckily, Kuai Liang was there to stop his older brother to cause you any harm. You sighed as you drank up the last bit of the alcohol before you head back down and return to your room. You packed up your things and headed to the area where you climbed up.
Step by step, you carefully climbed down. Only until you were jumped by surprise from a sudden voice.
“What are you doing, Y/N?”
You gasped and lost your footing and fell down. You groaned in pain, “Damn, who was that? You startled me.”
“My bad.” You turned around to see who the hell scared you and made you lost your footing when you gasped to see Bi-Han.
“Bi-Han! Why are you here?” You asked.
“I should be the one asking you the same question.” He raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry. I’ll get up then.” You were ready to get up and get away from since he’s been in such a bad mood already since training that you didn’t want to cause anymore problems for you and for him. But suddenly, his big arms wrapped around you from behind, preventing you from leaving.
Your heart skipped a beat, “Could you let go of me?” You said, but he didn’t listen as he pulled you back down and sat you down.
“Don’t wanna. It’s too cold for you.” He mumbled, resting his forehead against your back.
You scoffed, “Ironic since you’re the one with ice powers.”
He groaned, “You’re the one without a jacket at this time of the night.”
You rolled your eyes. You didn’t know whether he was joking or not. But you didn’t want to further question him. But that’s when you nose caught this stretch form him.
Is he drunk?
“Are you drunk?” You asked, turning your head to face him. You took a good closer look and you can tell that his cheeks were pink and his eyes were red.
“Can’t help it since Kuai Liang and Tomas were there.” He sighed, burying his face more into your back.
“I see…”
“They both invited me for a drink. Once the booze were out, I filled myself with alcohol until I passed out. Once I’ve woken up, I endured a headache and wanted some fresh air until I saw you climbing down.” Bi-Han explained the details which surprised you. He wasn’t the type of person to be social with anyone. This was probably the longest conversation you ever had with him.
Come to think of it. You did notice how he gobbled alcohol for the past weeks now. You didn’t say anything since his outburst were out of control and didn’t want to bother him. Even, Kuai Liang and Tomas were distant threw out the days. You haven’t been here long enough to know what was really going on. Then again, you didn’t want to interfere with their buisness in the Lin Kuei.
But that doesn’t relate to this situation where you are trapped with his arms around you. You tried to break free from his grip but no matter what you do. He still wouldn’t budge. You didn’t want to be put up with a clingy drunk.
Then something hit you. You technically did fell on top of him, even though he was the one that startled you and he did catch you. It was probably rude of you to not even say thank you to him. Or else, he’ll have your head off by now.
It wouldn’t hurt to say thank you. You turned your head slightly about to say something when you felt something wet dropping on your bare neck. Your eyes widened and turned back to face him only to see tears dropping from his closed eyes. Your heart beats. Bi-Han pulled you closer as much as he can while you stayed quiet.
“Stay a little longer,” he whispered, “Just keep me warm. Just a little longer. Please.”
He pleaded. He sounded so vulnerable and you don’t know why. You took this opportunity to ask him a question.
“Bi-Han,” your soft voice got his attention, “What is wrong?”
He didn’t say a word and you understood. The two of you sat like this for hours. In silent. You can hear his breathing increased as you felt more tears falling. You never seen him like this. You didn’t know how to react or do for him. You breathed out from your nose and relaxed your body as you leaned back, holding his hand in comfort.
Bi-Han wanted to tell you his vulnerability. But he wasn’t ready to open up. No matter how much he wants to tell you about the pain he is facing. He couldn’t. But sitting here with you and having his arm around you was close on being comfortable. The warmth of your body made him ease up a bit. For that, he’ll thank you for this moment one day.
Perhaps one day, he’ll open up to you about his mother’s death anniversary that he drank himself up for the past weeks. But for now, he just wants to enjoy this night with you and not bother you with his issues.
A/n- need more vulnerable Bi-Han. This is my first time writing in a while. Ignores some Grammars lol
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yangsharperavery · 7 months
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there's this thing that carmy and sydney do that i don't see talked about alot in that, they heavily mirror and mimic each other verbally.
this is a common behavioral thing that people often do to become emotionally/mentally closer or endear someone to them.
sometimes it's completely unconscious, sometimes people do it on purpose. it's also an effective communication tactic.
we've spoken a lot about how they seem very much on the same wavelength when it comes to fine dining and their respective training and their vision for a more cohesive, cooperative space.
since last season, they share the same brain, finish each others sentences, have similar ideas, etc.
but there's this element of mirroring and sameness that occurs when they're speaking to one another that's not only about strengthening their communication, avoiding explosive misunderstandings and reassuring the other that they're with them and hear them...
but moreso that they're the same as them.
very much "i see you in me, i see me in you" type energy.
on some real "i am you, you are me, we are one" type time.
like, let's merge more than just our brains type shit. maybe our energies and souls? merging the bodies can come last.
in every single episode that these two share screentime/space in s2, they mirror/affirm each other in speech (they often mirror in body language, which they also did last season)
in the first ep, at the lockers, carmy says "you gonna leave early?" to which sydney says, a few lines into their exchange, "we can go home early."
he also repeats exactly what she says back to her before she falls through the wall, after she's fallen through it.
in the second ep, while they're cooking, it's the "you can tell me to fuck off," "i doubt i'd tell you to fuck off", later he has a question and repeats back to her "and you can tell me to fuck off."
in the third ep, during the exchange about the wall it's "you let me know," "i'll let you know."
in the beginning of the fifth ep, sydney says "standard operating procedure" to cicero, right in front of carmy, a scene later he says the exact same thing back to her in front of natalie.
and of course the "goodnight" "i'm saying goodnight" exchange at the end of that ep.
their verbiage in certain heightened or vulnerable situations being damn near identical and then parroted back to the other seems very intentional.
almost as if you could swap his dialogue for hers in the script during these specific scenes/parts.
during their argument in ep eight, regarding the chaos menu (& claire!), they start riling each other up and sydney goes for the "sorry" sign, she then says to him, after apologizing, "i'm tired. i've been tired but i'm just really tired."
and then carmy repeats her "sorry, sorry, no, i'm sorry, i'm tired."
they're literally verbally affirming to one another, that despite the physical, energetic disconnect, they're feeling and going through the same thing.
the same stress, anxiety, uncertainty, doubt and discord just not directly with one other because there's this huge gap between them and how this vision is going to be realized (mostly because of carmy's avoidance after spending time with claire while still attempting to give sydney what she wants.)
see also: "i'm trying..." to "i know you're trying, i see you're trying."
she echos and affirms him even though she's more than justified and correct in being upset with him.
in ep nine it's the much discussed and infamous, "you could do this without me" "i couldn't do this without you" back and forth.
on the immediate heels of sydney proclaiming she doesn't like/doesn't do the corny back and forth thing.
but my good sis you've literally been doing that with carmy in at least every other conversation for the ENTIRE season?!?!
she just doesn't realize it because it's usually being done when they're opening up/being vulnerable, fighting or affirming/reassuring one another.
it's even more amazing to think that this is occurring while they're apart for practically the entire middle part of the season.
but when they do have moments where they come together and discuss anything, there's this overt mirroring/echoing/parroting in their communication.
the implications are even more heightened when you think about how they don't/can't reassure each other physically.
carmy's touches are ghostlike and fleeting, i'm almost surprised he allowed himself the two that we saw this season.
we talk a lot about how the narrative obviously parallels them visually.
but the verbal echoing is not only indicative of their connection and their devotion to one another, it's also another way for them to directly parallel one another in the moment, while they're both on screen, to each other's faces!
again, very much a "i see you, i am you, i have you" energy is naturally imbued in these moments because of this type of communication.
because using this method of verbal repetition is psychologically anchoring and can be inferred almost like an attempt to merge yourself as close as possible to the person you're mirroring.
or at the very least (subconsciously) acknowledging and understanding that you're already damn near identical.
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florwal · 4 months
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girl could you pls give us a for rent pack review cause im getting so many conflicting reviews😭 we need a real one to help us out!
i haven’t had much free time to play around with it but i can definitely give my opinion on what i’ve experienced so far!
world:
disappointing tbh. for a world that’s finally not super american, they could’ve done a lot more. it feels lazy.
some of the debug buildings are cool, and the world IS pretty but it just gets meh after a while. it doesn’t matter how good something looks, if there’s nothing to do what’s the point? BORINGGG. this is the case with pretty much any new world atp. lots of set dressing but not much to actually do.
i’m so sick of the new worlds having debug plants mostly from older packs like just give me more damn plants PLEASE.
hardly any npcs walk around so it feels very dead. the night market had like 1 sim show up. half of the stalls are decorative.
too many rabbit holes but the beaches are nice.
waaaaay too fucking small. the fact that there’s only 2 neighborhoods and the biggest lot is a 40x30??? bitch what???? for an ep that’s meant to have a lot of apartments… u can’t really build big places in the new world at all. yeah, the new lot type works in any world BUT it’s still an odd choice to me.
build/buy:
LOVE that there’s so many gross/dirty things. i really like the nasty wall decals and the fact that most objects have swatches that look old and used.
super happy about the functional water heaters, radiators, and electrical things.
build/buy doesn’t feel super cohesive to me.
cas:
haven’t gone through all the items much. don’t have much to say about it yet.
wish there was an aspiration to be a slumlord
gameplay:
i’m obsessed with the chance of infestations 🪳🩷 and i really like the mold lot trait. there’s a lot of references to tlou and the mold spreads very quick and gets super chaotic, but i enjoy it.
the nosy trait is fun and the cringe trait is goofy.
bugs/glitches:
a fucking NIGHTMARE for me. i’ve wanted to cry and rip my hair out several times.
there are ways around this, but residential rentals can make everything u placed off lot with tool mod get deleted. i had to go back to an older version of my save to get them back. i’m in the middle of updating my save for christmas and want to get it out asap and this set me back a lot so i’m PISSED!!!!
lot and unit names don’t stick. they revert back to a generic name generated by the game. same thing with editing the rent $ amount and lease days. they all get set back to a game generated one. one of my units also changed to 4 million simoleons and another one became a -negative number and trying to change it back fixed nothing.
the new lot type lags so fucking much it’s basically unplayable and u have to switch back to the regular residential, build and decorate whatever, and then switch to residential rental to set which rooms u want to be units as a last step. some people said repairing the game fixes the lag, but it didn’t fix anything for me. only the new lot type is lagging and freezing for me.
the new landlord sim i made didn’t make any money at all? he owns multiple properties.
overall:
i’m glad there’s south east asian representation but ea could’ve done a lot more.
i would never pay $40 for an expansion pack that feels like a game pack and has a lot of issues. please 🏴‍☠️ that shit if u get it.
if ur mostly just a builder or really want apartments and a new world, get it now. if u don’t, ur not missing that much imo. u can always wait for a sale or for bug fixes (if we ever get any lmfao look at mws and dine out)
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todomemolesta18 · 4 months
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More Nuzi comparison~
"Uh, you cant compare them to Stolitz, uh, because they are two different ships and, uh..."
Blablabla, idc. This is for fun and to show my reasons to why I like a ship and not the other 😌
If you dont like Nuzi, fine. If you LOVE Stolitz, fine. Is okay, this is, again, personal opinion and kinda subjective, so dont take it as an attack please.
(This is super long, so I apologize for that)
So... lets talk about something else that makes a hug difference betweent these two ships. (This is gonna be long).
Respect and equality.
I think is kinda obvious, but just to be clear. What do I think is respect and equality in a relationship? That they both see each other as equals. They respect each others boundaries. They have basic empathy.
Oh, boy, this is gonna be fun...
Lets start with Nuzi! (Spoilers if you havent watch it!)
In ep 2, as I said in another post, N constantly ask Uzi if she is okay. But what I didnt mention is that, later, after a very traumatic experience, N tries to touch Uzi´s shoulder, but she backs up, looking scared, and N looks at her worried.
Then... Uzi asks a question that breaks him...
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You can see on his face. That question got him. He understood that Uzi is scared of him, and has good reasons to be. So, without insisting, he just leaves, even if this makes him sad.
Next ep confirms what Im saying, with a brief flashback of this moment, and him saying that he and V cant interact with Worker drones because they are dangerous. All of this with sadness on his face.
N respects how Uzi feels, and even understands why she feels like this. Even when this makes him sad, he doesnt selfishly impose himself on her and respects Uzi´s boundaries.
N is not a bad person for feeling sad, because even when feeling like this, respects Uzi. Well, and the other Worker drones. But specially Uzi!
Damn, they only interact again by accident, because he goes back to stop V from murdering other worker drones, not because of Uzi. By this point, Uzi has calm down, but N doesnt know this. Actually, when they meet, there is a brief moment that I like and is this one:
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When they see each other again, he aproaches her, and Uzi instinctively flinches, maybe because of the surprise, or because she is feeling akward because its been a while since they saw each other, and last time they spoke was... uh... well, you know.
But, anyway. It doesnt matter why, because N notices this, and stops. Uzi didnt need to say anything, he noticed her face and movement. N, not forgething last time, understands that she may still be scared and moves away from her.
They keep talking (akwardly) and when Uzi tells him that maybe something bad is gonna happen, N offers her help...
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He says "could". Again, not forcing himself on her and just making an offer that Uzi can reject. N wants to respect Uzi and her feelings, even if it hurts him. Because he is a cinnamon roll. And, AGAIN, this obviously makes him sad, but that doesnt make him bad. We can understand why he feels like this.
Like Uzi, N has been alone, with V ignoring him, and J abusing him. Its not weird that N cares about Uzi so much.
And she cares too.
N turns back when Uzi clarifies that she is okay with him being close, even blushing.
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And he finally hugs her when knowing that Uzi is okay with him being close.
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Another moment is ep 4. Is not exactly the same, but is important for this post.
So, Uzi just did something... shockin. And runs off, because she is scared.
The other drones, including V and N, are shocked. V tries to go and kill Uzi, but N stops her, and says some interesting lines after V *lies* says that she is not afraid:
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He is scared too. Uzi just did something very scary and weird. We can see it on his face too on that moment. The shock.
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But still, N noticed how Uzi was scared too and thats why she run away. And stands by her side.
The "She is a kid, like us" line makes me think that N sees him and Uzi as equals, even if he is a Disasembly Drone and her a Worker drone. They are on the same level. Equals.
Later in the ep, we get the beautiful falling scene, where he tries to understand whats going on in her mind, and actually calms her down and makes Uzi feel less alone, by reasuring her that they will stick together.
But I talked about this moment in another post.
Buuuuuuut my absolute favourite moment that shows that they BOTH see each other in the same level, is this line from Uzi in ep 6, when Tessa says "dont date my robot":
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... Do I even have to say anything? My girl Uzi is not being posesive, and even defends him when they treat him like and object.
Damn right he is, Uzi! Proud of you. Thats a green flag right there!
... you wanna know who is the opposite? Who is a red flag?
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Lets get this quickly out of the way, because everyone, including the shipers, already know.
THE POWER IMBALANCE.
And no, not because Stolas has more powers than Blitzo. Is because both of them are not equals in any shape of form.
Stolas has literal power over Blitzo with that book. Stolas made the deal, and he decides when to get the book back, like in ep 5. And also HOW to get paid.
We all know how.
So, yeah, in that sense, they are not equals at all. But thats not all!
Obviously Stolas doesnt see Blitzo as an equal, and the same can be said for Blitzo.
Stolas treats him as a sex toy, and fetichizes him. He is basically a racist, calling him "my little imp" or "my impish little playting". Stolas also infantilizes him by talking to him on a baby voice, saying "he is cute when he is serious". Or calling Blitzo by a nickname he dislikes.
Stolas chooses a lot of the time to act in a sexual manner with Blitzo, even when having the oportunity to say something actually nice about him but he doesnt do it.
"Im calling the only man who can fuck me".
"Hello, my big dick Blitzy".
"Good luck to you all. Especially that sexy one there".
"Blitz, if your perfomance on stage is as good as it is in bed, you leave them breatles".
There isnt a moment where Stolas says something nice about Blitzo, only how sexy he is.
And yeah, he laughs at his joke. But thats it. He doesnt say anything nice to him. He could have said something like "I always found your jokes hilarious" or "they have bad taste on jokes, because yours are amazing. You get it.
From Blitzo, is super obvious that he doesnt see Stolas as an equal either. The alucination just confirms it. And he even says that Stolas only wants him to feel the dick of someone from a lower class (and he is right). He sees Stolas as someone who is more powerful and over him.
Now, about boundaries. Stolas doesnt respect Blitzo´s boundaries. He steps on them. Even when Blitzo is looking at him annoyed, Stolas is just like "hehe, how cute" not taking him seriously, and keeps filtring with him.
EVEN WHEN BLITZO IS HAVING A FUCKIN PANICK ATTACK, HE IS COMPARING BLITZO´S HABILITIES WITH HIS SEXUAL ONES.
And never forget that Stolas did the full moon agrement. In a life or death situation.
Or lets not forget how in ep 6, after saving their lifes he asked for a reward to Blitzo. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
"Oh, but he only asked!" Yeah, and is not like Blitzo cant say no, because Stolas has the book he needs for his job, and Stolas can take from him anytime, like in ep 5 where he took the book before the full moon.
Mhm, sure.
And now, one last thing. Remember what I said that being sad isnt the problem? Well, how does Stolas react when Blitzo lets it clear that their relationship is only sexual because STOLAS made it that way, and that he cant pretend it is otherwise?
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His reaction feels more like "Oh, poor me! The man I love doesnt love me back, oh, poor me, Im so alone!" What about Blitzo, uh? How do you think he feels being used as a toy, uh?
But you dont care, you keep sexualizing him when you can. And you only are giving him the Asmodeus crystal because you cant have what you want, that is a real romantic relationship.
I hope that he stays away from Blitzo. But I know thats not gonna happen.
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bronx-bomber87 · 2 months
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Happy Saturday Lovely Fandom. We've reached the second to last ep of this series rewatch. Unreal. God I LOVE this ep. So so good. Tim being her handler. Reminds me of Alias. Which was my first love for tv show/ship. If you ever watched Alias you’d know why I love this asset and handler situation so much. Let us start.
5x21 Going Under
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Start out strong Lucy is going UC. Has to do with the last episode. Frank Teska has been released from prison. He killed his brother for the attack on his daughter Dara. He is back in business. Looking to get into the Ghost Gun trade. You need specific polymer to make them. Metro raided and took his supplier out. Which is where Lucy comes in. She will pose as someone at Southland Chemicals. Be his new supplier.
We join our ship talking about the OP. Tim mentioning he’s using Hard Luck as his CI. Lucy not trusting this guy as far as she can throw him. Tim’s reply is the best. The fact that his CI knows how important Lucy is to him *squee* Then telling her as such. That this guy knows Lucy is special to him That if he messes up Tim will hunt him down. Gah I love this. Calling in favors for his girl. Work version of romantic ha
Lucy’s sweet expression when he tells her this. Basically saying he loves her in not so many words. Lucy being Lucy calling it 'Undercover love.' hehe Tim isn't even fighting it anymore. Just smiles shakes his head and rolls with her antics. We all know he loves her for it. Damn they cute. Actions always speaking louder than words with these two. Lucy couldn’t be cuter as Tim walks away. Her smile saying more than words ever could about how she feels about this man.
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Then we get these GLORIOUS phone calls. Like rom-com goodies up in this episode. Love me some protective Tim. Asking her if he needs to talk to her boss? Lucy waves him off. Says she's got it. Tim looking mighty fine Phew lord Scruffy, his sweater and his eyes popping in this lighting. Mmm. Lucy of course checking in on him next. I love this so very much. He won't tell her he's struggling.
So she's going to check on in him since he won't do as such. Tim knowing exactly what she means. Asking if that means he misses her? We all know he does but he deflects in the cutest way. Saying no. His smile when she calls him a jerk. But he's YOUR jerk Lucy haha. He is so damn smitten with her. Loves teasing and messing with her. Just as much as she does for him. One of their love languages shining through in this moment. My damn heart.
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She asks if Tim can check in on Tamara? Tim doesn’t hesitate for one second. Of course he’ll check in on their daughter. Doesn’t want her to lose any focus on the job. We then delve into the cute snippet conversations that have my shipper heart fluttering. Lucy telling Tim not to watch 'Top Chef' without her. I love that they have a show they watch together. Makes me giddy. Such a couples thing to have that. Tim giving her crap saying he can’t make any promises.
Lucy asking Tim if he ever wished he had a normal job? Tim says without people shooting at him? Not once. Lucy replying me either. These tidbits are just fantastic. They both love their line of work so much. This whole talking about everything and nothing at all just shows the deep bond they have. Comes from riding together for years 12 hours at a time. Her being UC is isolating but they get to have these moments despite that. Little pockets of joy before this OP heats up.
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Tim asking if she’s making any friends? Lucy going on about a lady in her office. It’s so cute I can’t stand it. Talking about his grandkids and such. I love this is so very much. They did a really good job with these shots and the VO's. I saw a lot of people saying felt like rom-com and it really does in the best way. Just being on the phone whole time. Even though they're physically apart they still find a way to connect and be together. It’s so sweet imma get a cavity.
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Day 4 rolls around and Tim ask if the monotony is getting to her? Lucy tells him no as long as it’s not for nothing. I mean she had two weeks of it in 3x14. 4 days is nothing but now she has Tim so she's got more to miss this time around. I adore the voice overs in this scene. Tim reassuring her it’s probably cause Frank is double checking her story. I love this shot of Tim in the side mirror. Fierce protector reporting for duty.
Frank has finally surfaced and approached Lucy. Her cover story of being a wanted felon has worked out. Frank thinks she’s an easy target because of it. Lucy playing the fresh start card with him. Not wanting to get into business with him. She does this so well. He tells her not an option. That he needs certain plastics and she needs to not go to jail. Telling her it’s low risk.
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Gah I love Tim watching over the situation from across the way. Looking fine af BTW. My god I'll never be over how tall he is and I love it. Tall drink of yum. Look at him in his civvies, the hat, the glasses, the intense way he's watching her. Listening in to their convo. Trying to keep his protectiveness in check. Doing his best not to step in. Especially when Frank threatens her. Which causes Lucy to say yes. Frank says they’ll have dinner tonight then. He’ll come get her from her place. They can hammer out the details of this new partnership.
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Lucy meets up with Wesley, Harper, Grey and her man. They’re going over this date for her. Tim looks like he’s going to crawl out of his skin. He hates the idea of this guy possibly thinking it’s a date. He hates this entire conversation really. Keeping his hands in his pockets. Looks at the ground trying to settle his protective nature.
I love Grey checking in with Tim. Minute he hears the word 'romantically and date.' He immediately looks at Tim. Knowing he hates this on so many levels. Tim isn’t being at all discreet with how he feels about this situation. He's basically squirming in front of all of them. Tim continuing to try to put on a brave face. Not well but sure trying. His whole body language screaming his immense discomfort.
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Tim is being the least subtle he’s ever been in this moment. Hating the idea she needs a good wire in case he’s handsy. You can see him take a deep breath and clench his jaw at the thought of this. This conversation is killing him softly. Some angsty goodness though. The check in's these two have above getting me in the feels before she sets to leave. That silent communication of their's prominent af. I LOVE him walking Lucy to the door. The intense looks they share on the way.
They both look amazing btw. He keeps constant eye contact with her till he can’t any longer. The intense longing in his stare as he watches her go. *heart clutch* His entire world just walked out the door and it shows. Eric crushing it with the longing look. This is the type of angst I eat up. It’s so so good. Worried Tim is lovely to behold. And that man is insanely worried. He is an open book as she walks away from him. Trying to keep himself from losing his damn mind over this man possibly touching her.
Grey immediately checking in with him. Man wasn't exactly subtle during that whole conversation. Asking Tim if he’s ok? Tim lying saying he’s 5x5. Such a detached military reply. When he is anything but detached in this moment. Wade knowing he’s lying. Their friendship is underrated. Grey saying he has to treat this like any other OP. Any other UC. Sure he'll get right on that. Thanks to Lucy his emotions aren't so easy to turn off anymore. Also not like it’s the love of his life he’s watching over or anything…
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Lucy goes to dinner with Frank all wired up. Tim watching intently outside. Fierce protector at the ready. The intense look on his face as he watches over her is doing things to me. *fans self* Like a lion pacing back and forth in it's cage waiting to be let out. Ready to attack at the slightest provocation against her. It's insanely hot tbh. He would gladly throttle this man if given the chance to. All he needs is to be given a reason.
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Lucy almost gets Frank to admit to his brothers death when bullets start flying. We watch Tim in an absolute panic call this in. Desperately searching for her in the wreckage from his car. Trying to find her as he rattles off their address. I love her jumping up and looking his way so he knew she was ok. His giant sigh of relief when her head pops up. Feel like we all did that with him. Went from all out panic to instant relief. I said in the hospital scene she is his whole world. That just got shot at and he was paralyzed until she popped up.
He couldn’t breathe until he knew she was alright. His whole body slumping against his seat in relief. Eric crushing it out here with his expressions getting me all emotional. I love how his eyes dart back to her once more before he takes off after the shooters. Double checking she really is there. He couldn’t even be in pursuit of them until he knew she was ok. You can see he wants to stay but can’t. Having an internal battle but knows he has to go after them.
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His cop brain in a delay due to this. This delay in reaction definitely affects him in his pursuit of the shooters. Don't think he was fully there mentally. Tim's head was most definitely not in the game when he went after them. Taking us back to 5x01 when Tim told Lucy if her head isn't the game 100 percent it'll get her killed. He is the living embodiment of that line in this moment. This dude almost killed him. Even when the gun is in his face his reaction time is slower.
That is not the Tim Bradford we know and love in the field. He was clouded his emotions running rampant. He had not compartmentalized at all. When Jan shows up it really hits him what almost happened to him. Saying he got lucky it was empty. Otherwise…ugh I don’t even wanna think about it. He’s panting his adrenaline waning and it showing. Looking over where the guy was knowing this could've been far worse. Knowing what it would've done to Lucy.
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I love the minute she’s done dealing with Frank Lucy calls Tim. Anxiously awaiting him to answer her call. Both so worried about one another. Gah this episode is fantastic. Never seen Tim this panicky or shaken up. This is a UC OP he’s involved in I can’t imagine how he’d be if he wasn’t.
He just loves her so much. Having a legit meltdown till he knows she’s ok. It’s all over his face as he talks to her on the phone. Eric killing me softly in this one. Lucy isn’t pulling any punches with her worry either. Both making me emotional as hell. Tim replying ‘Yeah I am now.’ *internal screaming* Wasn’t ok till he knew she was.
The love they have for each other is all over this moment. I’m not crying you are…You can see all the tension leave his body when he hears her voice. The neediness in both their voices when he says they should meet up. Gah yes you do. They needed to hear each others voice to calm down after that adrenaline fest.
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Then we come to THE laundry scene. One that broke my damn brain. Pretty much broke the entire fandom's brain. I love how she rushes to him and clings on. Wanting zero space between them. Tim leaning into her arms. Rubbing his hand up and down her back. I’m sure both their hearts were racing. They are each other’s safe space and this hug shows that.
So scared and only finding comfort in each others arms. So much emotion surging through them in this hug. I love me a good hug and this one is fantastic one. Trying to ground one another with it. Speaking their concerns about what they just went through. The swaying gets me too. I love everything about this hug.
Lucy basically launches herself at him. He catches her effortlessly and holds her so tightly to him. The remaining tension melting out of of their bodies. Because they were running on adrenaline and anxiety until this hug. Tim holding her so close making sure she’s real. There with him. I’ll never be over this moment and how lovely it is.
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This next portion just proves why Lucy is his person. Tim is losing his mind with worry over this guy. Over him trying something. His anxiety coming off him in waves. Lucy wants to soothe him because it's her natural instinct. Tim looks like he wants to cry or punch a wall or both when he ask if he’s tried something? Lucy reassuring him he hasn’t but even if he did she’s got this. The fierce protector coming out strong right now. He can barely contain it. Tim deflecting a little saying ‘I know.’
Lucy knows this man so damn well. Telling him knowing and feeling ok are two different things. She's so right. I love the way she grabs his jacket trying to comfort him. Tim is being so soft and vulnerable in this moment. She wants him to know it’s ok. She’s ok and it’s very ok if he isn’t. Eric killing this episode left and right with his expressions. His heart is hurting it’s all over his face and Lucy is reaching out with a reassuring touch. I love her for validating his feelings. Not judging him for them.
But also knowing he’s being very vulnerable right now and she’s being wonderfully receptive to that. Tim gets a little defensive saying. Not his first time. Lucy is SO good with him. Doesn’t shame him for being bristly about this. Knowing it’s his PTSD in full swing. So soft in her reply and expression. Letting him know probably what’s making this so much worse for him. This is why she’s his person. Never shames him for his feelings only loves him through. Gah they’re making me so emotional. I love this couple so much.
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Before Tim gets anymore emotional he tells her he has to go. Now isn’t the time to talk about this. That he knows if she doesn’t feel safe she will bail. If she’s good he’s good. Lucy confirms she’s good. Tim says he has to get back to the station then. Grey is waiting for a status update. Lucy stops him before he can go. Not ready to be apart from him just yet.
Grabbing his arm keeping him from leaving. I love the way she is looking at him landing on his lips. Then she says the 4 words that made us all collectively lose our minds. ‘Lock the door first.’ Is this real life? Did we really get this moment? Adrenaline fueled we made it out alive laundry room sex? Oh my damn lord.
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The way he looks at her when she says this. *fans self* Tim is definitely not treating her like any other UC…I remember gasping at her saying this. Needing to be with him in this moment. Tim’s smile realizing what she’s saying. My god. Laundry room sex is now canon for them. We got shower sex last ep and now laundry room post-op sex. My god the writers were good to us. I like being pandered too LOL Also you know there is a damn good chance highly likely really this was unprotected too.
Lucy couldn’t let him walk away yet until she had him. Hot damn. Tim not one to deny her anything is easily roped into her naughty plans. I’m still not over the risks they took to have this heated moment together. They had a frenzied hookup while she was on assignment. I’m dead. They’ve actually killed me in the best way. S5 truly is a fic come to life. I love every minute of it. Clearly missing and craving sexy time with her man. Also probably still hopped up on adrenaline as well. Undercover hookup phew lord we are blessed haha
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Lucy calls Tim after she gets away with Frank from the warehouse. Saying the OP is done. Frank has nothing left to build. Tim is flirty af in his reply. With a shit eating grin to go with it. Saying that’s too bad... Lucy is confused and says why? Tim referring to their hookup in the laundry room. Bummed he wasn't going to get another. Timothy Bradford I never haha This man is so different when he is truly loved and happy my goodness. I couldn't love it more.
Hard to believe this entire episode is canon. Tim is definitely loving his sex life with Lucy and proud to let her know about it. Hell so are we haha Horny Tim is hilarious and I love him so. They could find another laundry room for a repeat performance if he would like LOL Fanfic come to life this season swear to god. We live in a world where this scene happened and I’m dying.
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They return home because at this point it’s their home. Gah love how Tim looks at Lucy as he approaches her. Man is so insanely in love with her. Lucy saying she needs a big meal, hot bath and quality sexy time. Heh. Then to sleep for 24 hours straight. I love how Tim encases her hands in his caressing them as they speak. Running his hands up and down hers. Needing this connection.
I love Tim being the physically affectionate one of the two. I always knew once they got together he would be the one who couldn’t keep his hands off her. Touching really is one of their many love languages and I adore it. Never saw them nearly as touchy with their ex’s. Just another reason proving why they’re so right for each other. Gonna be the death of me and I welcome it. Lucy can tell something is up. Asking him what’s going on?
Oh my poor damaged boy. Having a trauma response right now with her saying she needs time to decompress. I love him not deflecting and telling her how he’s feeling instead. That’s not easy for him. I also totally get his response. I still have trauma responses to things as well. Lucy knowing it is telling him it was only a week. That one nights keep will do her just fine. Trying to say without saying she’s not Isabel. Tim accepts her answer.
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Lucy says she has to come clean about some thing though. That she knows she made him promise not to. But she watched 'Top chef' without him. For shame Lucy Chen . For shame LMAO I guess that monotony did get to her since she finished it without him.... Tim is so offended I’m dying. Calling her a 'Bad girlfriend' *screams into a pillow* They’re so friggin cute I am dying. Lucy's 'No, I'm sorry!' It is horrible Tim is right haha Making him promise not to then watching it without him. Every right to be playfully mad at her.
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Lucy wastes no damn time and confronts Tim about the shooter in the alley. I love her so much for always calling him on his shit. Saying how he didn’t tell her he almost died in that alley. Tim brushing it off saying because he didn’t. Oh Timothy. Acting like her losing you wouldn’t completely wreck her. Absolutely devastate and ruin her like it would for you. I think that’s exactly why he did it though. Acting like it’s not a big deal when he knew it was.
Protecting her from that fact. Lucy coming at him saying doesn’t matter who told her. That they’ll set aside the fact he left it out of the report. 2x01 Tim would be appalled ha. Doing it for the same reasons Lucy did then. Insane how this same kind of fight still involves Isabel indirectly. Lucy can’t believe him right now. Acting like it’s nothing. Like she didn’t almost lose him.
We see a little more trauma Tim come out here. Just assuming she's keeping things from him when she's under. I so relate to him reacting this way I do. I misread something my best friend had texted me the other day. I made an assumption like Tim is here. My friend was wonderful texted me back ‘ Your trauma is showing.’ And it knocked me out of it. It’s involuntary when it runs so damn deep. And we know it does for him.
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I’m so glad Lucy is there to knock him back out of it. Saying No you know Isabel did for a fact. Calling him right out for it. These kinds of fights are so good for them. Forces them to face the stuff they’re hiding. Things they didn’t really touch on last episode. This was a much better and more open conversation. Tim didn’t hide behind being ‘fine.’ And Lucy isn’t letting him get away with it. Tim can’t fight that logic and it’s all over his face in the second gif. The way his body slumps in reply.
Lucy making a strong ass point next. Saying if this is going to work between them he has to see the difference. She not wrong. He really does. Tim shooting back of course he can. (Babe you got some work to do...) What I love the most is Lucy said her piece. Put him his place about this. Which was needed and now Tim is saying his. The dialogue in this scene so much more productive than 5x20 was. Airing things out and how they actually feel. Tim voicing his need to know she will listen to him if he sounds the alarm.
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That otherwise all the pain he went through was for nothing. Then he says the line that shows me Lucy is the love of his damn life. ‘I can’t lose you the way I lost her.’ Tears in this man’s beautiful eyes. Imma cry myself. Finally voicing the fear he kept inside last episode. He cannot lose this woman My heart. She is everything to him. Pulled him out of the depths of his pain and hurt. Brought him back to life. He loves her so much and is saying as such in this moment.
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Lucy can see this and reassures him he won’t lose her that way. She would walk away for him if it ever got that close. Ugh my heart. He sounded the alarm earlier and she shut it down. So they both have stuff to work on. I mean it's why he brought it up. He felt like he was sounding the alarm in the laundry room. Lucy brushed it off saying she didn't want to tap out. But them having this conversation hopefully they can be more aware of these things for a future OP and in general really. The need to openly communicate is a must.
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Tim says 'Okay.' Choosing to trust what she is saying. Then we get another glorious hug. The way he clings to her. His hand around her neck pulling her to him is so visceral. He loves her so damn much and it’s shown beautifully in this embrace. How much she means to him. Pulling her in close. Lucy doing the same thing clinging to him like a life raft. Her arms pulling him close to her as well. We see both her hands on his shoulders. *sigh*I'm so proud of them for both speaking their minds in this scene.
Lucy calling Tim out was so needed. He has to see she isn’t Isabel. If not it’ll destroy him. No one gets through to Tim like Lucy. This scene was so raw and honest. Very much needed after all that was left unsaid in 5x20. Never be over them being vulnerable with one another especially Tim. Not only telling her he needs her to listen but sharing he CANNOT lose her. Basically laying any cards she didn’t already have from him on the table. So proud of him. He’s come so far and this scene shows it. I truly love the writers for how real they write them. Phew Lord this was a good ep.
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Side notes-non Chenford
Angela calling Aaron from closet about a case hilarious. The entire ep trying to do stuff for her I was laughing so hard.
Also nice to see Celina go out with a nice guy. She deserves it.
Well the next one is the last one holy moly. Thank you forever and always to those who like, comment and reblog these reviews. You all have made me so appreciated by doing so. I will see you all in the 5x22 :)
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gizkasparadise · 3 months
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final leg of a journey to love thoughts!! (eps 35-40). this got so gd long so under a cut it goes. spoilers, of course:
PLOT STUFF/PACING
pacing for the plot definitely got shredded in the last chunk, which is a damn shame because otherwise i've been finding the pacing pretty much perfect. eps 35-37 in particular felt like they could have been like a 10 episode arc. ep 38, which mostly dealt with wu palace politics, should have been cut or streamlined imo and more time given to the characters we've actually been riding along with the whole story. by the time we get back to the pregnant empress, prince danyang, the first prince whose name i dont even remember, and the prime minister, i do not care about any of them and i think this subplot was simply just trying to fit too much shit into one bag
that said, this show still let the emotional moments hit and breathe and linger. i love the grief for the fallen liudao comrades as we go, as well as the less heavy but still emotionally important moments like yang ying and tongguan bonding over their upbringing. and we got a wedding /;3;/!!! for this show, the relationships and characters matter more than the storyline so im not mad about anything at all
side note: it's so gd millennial to have a story about a bunch of 30 something year olds who want to fake their deaths and retire into obscurity but instead they go and die for a boss they hate
CHARACTER STUFF
this show consistently brought a lot of depth to its side characters (and side side characters!!). i said it in an earlier post, but it bears repeating that even someone like deng hui i didnt expect anything from, but he got such good development and writing that he became a stealth fave. his dying words essentially being "dude, quit fucking around" ? iconic.
i didnt like tongguan as much as everyone else, so im pretty meh about everything regarding him. the attempt to force-wed ruyi was tonally really weird and didnt make sense (i assume there was some cuts made surrounding it). but LOL at him reusing all the outfits and decor immediately for his wedding to yang ying. baby duke, you tacky motherfucker. i ultimately think yang ying deserves better than him, but the good thing is that she knows this, so she'll be able to hold her own and then some entering into this partnership
shisan really was the heart in a lot of ways--the mom to yuanzhou's dad for the liudao. i was not expecting him to break my heart the way he did, but the fact that he held both qian zhao and sun lang as they died and then tried his best to remove yuan lu from harm and saved chu yue and was just very much a nurturer all the way through got me. his character couldve been cheap comic relief but the writing + performance really elevated him into one of the (imo) most memorable wuxia characters. his line wondering who would get to behead his beautiful skull!!! and how his mantra was always that he was going to drink the best wine, see the most beautiful women, and make the best of friends and he dies having lost the ability to see and having just had wine in memory of qian zhao, yuan lu, and sun lang. like. shut up!!
ruyi and yuanzhou were both so great and they're gonna be the drama OTP to beat forever. i loved the gender reversals, that they both were so respectful of each other, and that they also felt very mature in how they handled things and communicated. they were really interesting characters both together and apart and that's always a win-win. they had a schroedinger's ending where it's not super clear if they're alive or dead (i interpreted it as the latter), but what's kind of beautiful is that either option is satisfying to me. if they both died, they're reunited and with their comrades and the story is truly about the journey and the meaningful short connections we have. if they both survived, it's a bookend with the beginning where they each faked their deaths to escape. A+
COSTUMING
i gotta just separately mention the costuming for this show because it was 15/10. the textures, shisan's accessories, the way red became integrated with yuanzhou's wardrobe and blue with ruyi's. the details on the liudao name amulets!! SO GOOD. i love when characters' clothes tell a story on their own
overall i just really loved this drama it is probably my favorite wuxia ive seen so far! it's gonna be in my brain for awhile lol feel free to send fic prompts if you've made it this far :'D
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moonsorchid · 1 month
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Rewatching ep.28 of Love Between Fairy and Devil and having some *cough* strong emotions
Part 1 (because I have a lot to talk about)
(spoilers ahead)
Um, what does that butterfly do to Shangque?
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Shangque, baby, no, no, no, no, don't do this to yourself
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I can never get tired of Canglan sea visuals
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So Jieli has to keep taking an antidote every three days? I had totally forgotten about that. I try to find reasons to justify Ronghao’s actions – apart from him being a total snack – and I am sorry but I fail
Oh, my baby is at the bridge. She is so happy! I was so happy too when I first watched this scene. If only I knew
Look how happy he is too! He is finally smiling naturally. So excited that he will meet Xiao Lanhua at the bridge
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But hey, will his brother let him be happy? Noooooooo. Little brat
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Btw, if I was Dongfang Qingcang and people were outside my palace messing with my personal life, I wouldn’t have kept my cool
This whole scene of people asking him to kill Xiao Lanhua, is causing me nausea, and I wish I was kidding
But I have to pause and admire DFQC’s costume and the light. He looks majestic and there has never been a scene where he looks more a King than this one – I think
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For a moment there I thought he was going to burn them all and I got excited. But he just used like one of the last three remaining blasts of hellfire to half destroy a pillar
Xunfeng, seriously, please get a hobby, do something else with your life other than trying to ruin your brother’s life – yes, I am angry, very angry
DFQC is way calmer than I could ever be. He explains eloquently why Xiao Lanhua is the best and how he has helped him. He has come such a long way
I hate though that the kingdom learns first that he loves her and wants to marry her before she does
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Awwwweeee, he wanted to prepare the greatest wedding for her. Now I am sad. We never got to see that wedding. Petition for a season 2 to see the wedding
Question: DFQC realized in Lucheng that Xiao Lanhua is the goddess of Xishan. Why doesn’t he reveal this information now to stop them from b*tching about her being a fairy?
Xiao Lanhua is waiting at the bridge
Awwwwe
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Oh now, you are all “Please think twice” and you act like you care for your brother. You exhaust me, Xunfeng
Xiao Lanhua is still waiting and it’s night now
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Oh no, not the scene with the spikes. Not my baby. I am not emotionally ready. Nooooooooo
I had not prepared any tissues – I am keeping them for ep. 31 – but I feel like I will need them. Damn, it's so much harder to watch this scene for the second time. I don’t want anyone hurting them, I can’t!
And they keep on hitting the spike over and over and over again. *trying not to cry*
Xiao Lanhua is still waiting. I mean they could have done that with the spikes the next day. Let them have a romantic night for crying out loud
Aaaawe, he arrived. My heart.
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This should have been the most romantic scene of the show, not one of the most heartbreaking scenes *pouting*
Their first kiss as a couple *melting*
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Love how she pulls away and he still wants to kiss. Not sure if that was in the script *wink wink*
Why did her bracelet do that sparkle thingy? What did that mean? Why now?
Poor DFQC and poor Xiao Lanhua
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I hadn’t realized on my first watch that he created thunder. So, Xiao Lanhua knew exactly how he felt
He went through all this excruciating pain and he still thinks of keeping her warm
Awe the marriage proposal. Finally something cheerful. I love that he had planned to have the proposal the day after they would hang the locks at the bridge. Who knew he would be so romantic *heart shaped eyes*
Xiao Lanhua is all like I don’t care about the treasures and stuff, but look, I made you this grass bracelet, will you marry me? She always has a way to subvert his expectations, right?
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Oh come on, Xunfeng, let them kiss! I wanted to end this part on a good note, but you just had to show up like a fart during a date
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Stopping here and pretending Xunfeng never happened. They just got engaged, grass bracelet and all, they are happy and ready to kiss.
Part 2 coming soonish (depending on my blood pressure I guess)
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bengiyo · 27 days
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Perfect Propose Ep 6 (Finale) Stray Thoughts
Last week, Hiro was promoted to team leader as things got way worse at his company. He did his best to protect his team, but still watched exhaustion take down one of his juniors. Kai spent the entire time sending Hiro pictures of the food he still made for him in an attempt to make him go home. Hiro revealed that he’s afraid to quit because he’s held on to the hope that things will get better if he quits and isn’t ready to face the reality that it might not. We left these two kissing on a bench, because my man Kai is not going to let me down.
Oh yes, let’s see that kiss again.
Hiro, you need to tell Kai you want him to stay. He’s asking you if you want him to stay.
Oh, Hiro, you have less than a week left with Kai. You gotta make this count!
I do not mind this fast exposition from the son because it ended in a much-needed apology.
I love Kai’s relationship with this old man. I love two grumpy people of few words who get each other.
This boss sucks. The team succeeded on launching a difficult project and he couldn’t even congratulate them or say thanks. A meeting on a Sunday? Fuck that.
Yes, Hiro! They will manage somehow no matter who is gone. You all need to find better work because this place sucks!
No, Hiro! This doesn’t mean you’ll manage without Kai! FFS why do you always take the wrong lesson?
Yes, baby boy! Run!
Kai!! Don’t do this! He’s standing right in front of you and telling you to stay!
“Being involved with people is heavy.” Guys, please!
Yes, Hiro! Quit that nasty job!!
More running!!
Yes! Show him that you’re not a kid anymore! GET IT IN!
Damn, he did that man so good his skin looks better the next morning again.
I hope this picnic means the whole team quit!
Final Verdict: 9, Highly Recommended. I genuinely loved this show, and it’s going to end up as one of the shows I rewatch (rare for me with all the new shows these days). I loved getting a story about two guys worn down by life finding a way to enjoy it again because they found each other again. I love that both of them accepted the other because there was a sense of desperation about their current state, and that Kai was able to help Hiro and himself by going back to him. I think Kai’s arc happened a little quickly with the shorter run time, and I hoped to spend more time with them than we did, but I really like the way they integrated Hiro’s work into the way it ruined his life. He also quit that job! A huge win! Another favorite of the year for me.
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vivalas-vega · 11 months
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new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part five
I wanted to get this one out quickly for y’all!! here is the much needed relief we all needed after that last chapter. as always, lmk what you think and if you want to be added to the taglist!
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new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part five
add yourself to my taglist
prologue - one - two - three - four 
word count: 4.3k
warnings: language, angst, basically another grey’s anatomy ep so... medical inaccuracies and drama !!!
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Sitting in one of the imaging rooms in your own hospital, a room you’d previously spent countless hours in and would go on to spend countless more, brought you a small bit of peace. You were surrounded by familiar faces and doctors you trusted and respected, and that made a world of a difference in your confidence for Mary’s outcome. Despite how close you were to the case no one was excluding you from conversations or keeping you out of the loop on anything, you were given just as much of a voice as Dr. Lewis in dictating her care as you looked over several of her scans and brainstormed a game plan. If this was truly your case you would have kicked your own ass to the curb several hours ago but the patience and grace everyone was extending you didn’t go unnoticed. 
“What if you try coming in through here?” you asked, and Dr. Lewis pondered your suggestion for a moment, trying to visualize before shaking his head.
“If I insert the probe here,” he said, illustrating the path with his fingers, “I’m going to disrupt something here,” he circled around Broca’s Area. “Do that and she’ll lose the ability to speak, she’s a teacher right?”
“Third grade, and she’s damn good at it,” you sighed.
“Then we aren’t taking any risks, I think our best course here is to go in this way,” he said, outlining a new pathway and you nodded.
“It’s still tricky but I think that’s going to be the best approach,” you agreed. 
“Why did you end up leaving neuro? You’ve clearly got a knack for it,” he asked suddenly, looking you over curiously.
“I loved neuro, did Dr. Adams tell you he used to call us the Brain Buddies?” you asked and he shook his head laughing. “He’d go around the hospital saying it like we were some superhero duo… I used to think there was no high like neurosurgery, but then one day there was this massive train crash. Most people were too unstable to move so we went to them. When we got there most had already died and the ones who hadn’t were one slight breeze away from following suit. There was this girl, about my age, who was bleeding out faster than I could control. Nothing was working and I began to panic… trauma is quick and dirty, there’s no time to gameplan or even think, you just have to figure it out as you go and be resourceful, so I used dirt,” you chuckled though it really wasn’t funny. “I just scooped a handful and packed the wound and it worked… we had to load her up on so many antibiotics she got C. Diff and the poor thing needed a fecal transplant but she made a full recovery,” you said with a smile. “That was a high unlike anything else, and I just never looked back. Trauma is where all the fun is.” 
“You sound exactly like one of my buddies who’s a doctor with the Army… you ever considered that path?”
“Briefly but… Jake, Mary’s son, is in the Navy. Every deployment crushes both of our parents and they worry, I couldn’t do that to them… I think they’d all lose their minds if they lost both of their kids to that life,” you said and he nodded.
“Well, let’s go give her some good news, let her know what the plan is.” Mary was surprisingly calm throughout the whole thing, she didn’t even blink when Dr. Lewis briefed her on all the risks (stroke, paralysis, loss of speech, death), all she had said was well, if I can’t speak there’s always sign language and death is better than a painful year of chemo. Really she didn’t care about any of it, she asked if you agreed with his approach and she’d said that was all she needed to know when you’d answered yes. She’d truly put all of her trust in you, she let go of the whole thing and just accepted that because you said it would be okay that it would… and that terrifies you beyond belief. You were a confident doctor, always had been, but right now with her looking at you with such pride and peace you felt sick, knowing that no matter how good a patient’s outcome looks going into surgery that can always change at the drop of a hat.
“That’s the attitude, Mary, keep that up… patients who go in with a positive outlook are much more likely to come out the other side,” Dr. Lewis said. You oversaw the interns in charge of her pre-op care and she had watched through amused eyes as you ordered them around and even called you a hardass… much like Jake had done when he’d visited you in Boston. 
“It seems mean now but Dr. Stevens will tell you his skills have improved since I came around to knock some sense into him. If you put the fear of god in them they’re much more malleable,” you joked.
“It must be working because they are terrified to disappoint you,” Mary said and you didn’t miss how proud she sounded.
“Jupiter is very tough, tougher than any of the attendings but I’ve learned a lot from her,” Dr. Stevens confirmed and you narrowed your eyes at him. “And she makes a mean chocolate chip cookie, I heard that was your recipe.”
“Stop kissing my ass and bring me her updated labs,” you said and he nodded quickly as we went to leave the room, “and just because I’m off duty that doesn’t mean I’m not doctor to you!” you called after him and Mary just laughed.
“I like seeing this side of you,” she said, looking up at you appreciatively and you gave her a warm smile. “If I’m being honest I thought wanting to be a surgeon at twelve years old was just a crazy phase… thought you maybe saw a cool doctor in a movie or something but looking at you now… I couldn’t imagine you doing anything else,” she said.
“I wouldn’t be here without you,” you said, giving her hand a squeeze and you noticed Jake enter the room without saying a word.
“You’ll be in the surgery?” she asked and you nodded.
“I’m not allowed to be involved in the actual operation… it’s too much of a conflict of interest, but Dr. Lewis has graciously agreed to let me be in the room with you.”
“That makes me feel better… knowing you’ll be there,” she said and you gave her another smile before you excused yourself to step into the hallway when Dr. Stevens flagged you down and you looked over her labs in relief.
“What do these tell you?” you asked, handing the paper back to him and he looked at you curiously for a moment, “I taught you better than this, Dr. Stevens, I know you can read labs,” you said.
“I just… I didn’t expect you to be teaching right now,” he said and you watched as he looked over the paper and processed the information. “These all look good, she’s in optimal shape to be heading into surgery,” he said and you nodded.
“Exactly, let Dr. Lewis know and page me when you’re taking her up.”
“Didn’t expect you to be teaching right now either,” you heard Jake say and you turned around to face him with a sigh.
“Your mom’s case is an incredible teaching example and Dr. Stevens shows promise within neuro. Your mom understands that, she’s thrilled he’s getting to learn from her and she wants me to take the opportunity to teach when I can, it’s my job.” you said.
“But you’re not working right now,” he said and you gave a soft nod.
“You’re right, I’m not… I’m just doing everything I can to make sure she receives the best standard of care and teaching when I have the opportunity to ensures that, not just for her but for everyone else’s mom that comes in after her.” He just nodded and you could tell that he was annoyed with you. “Jake, just talk to me.”
“We’ve already gone through the procedure, I don’t need to talk about it anymore,” he replied and you furrowed your brows.
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
“I need you, J. I need you and you’re not here,” he said in a hushed whisper, trying to avoid the nosy ears of your interns at the desk just a few feet away.
“I’m right here,” you said but he just shook his head.
“You’re not. You’re making calls and teaching interns, or holed away in an imaging room and you’re talking to me like I’m just some patient’s family member. There’s enough doctors around here, I just needed you… I needed you to be my Jupiter through this and you were just another doctor,” he said with a disappointed look before stepping back into his mother’s room and any tension that had eased after setting the plan in place with Dr. Lewis was back in full force. Your heart ached and you wanted to go after him but you knew this wasn’t the moment… he was angry and scared and he didn’t understand where you were coming from and that was all okay. There was no way to rationalize with his mother heading into brain surgery in less than an hour and you chose to believe that when the dust settled and she came out the other side things would level out but as selfish as it was… you needed a moment. A moment to clear your head and think so you wandered down to the emergency department, you let your eyes rake over the space as you took stock of how things were holding up in your absence and while you stood in front of the patient board you jumped when the Head of Trauma, Dr. Fowles approached you.
“What are you doing down here?” he asked, looking at you apologeticly as you placed a hand over your heart. 
“Needed a breather,” you said and he laughed.
“So you came to the pit for a little relaxation?” You nodded with a sheepish smile. “Want something to take your mind off it?”
“Please, I’ll take anything,” you said and he led you over to Bay Three and opened the curtain to reveal a beautiful laceration just begging for you to suture it. You introduced yourself as you gloved up and made small talk with her as you worked, taking your time to ensure she had as little scarring as possible.
“One minute you’re making lunch for your boyfriend, who is incredibly ungrateful by the way, and the next you’re in the ER because you zoned out wondering what your old college boyfriend was up to and sliced right through the avocado and into your hand,” she sighed and you chuckled.
“Never go down the college boyfriend rabbit hole, it’s never worth it,” you said. You finally felt like yourself, sure you’d been acting like a doctor nonstop for the past three days but it was all so deeply personal. This was cut and dry, you’d patch her up and send her on her way and likely never see her again. This was medicine without baggage and it felt so good. You hoped Jake was still somewhere on the other side of the hospital, if he saw you right now with that sparkle back in your eye hunched over this patient's open palm it would only make matters worse.
“You got lucky, I’m looking at the tendon here but you didn’t cut through… could be a sign… or a wake up call,” you suggested and she nodded.
“A sign to dump his sorry ass and find someone who will actually drive me to the ER instead of making me get blood all over my brand new car? Yeah, I’m one step ahead of you,” she said and you let out a soft laugh. 
“Well, you’re all good. Take the antibiotics, make sure you’re eating things with lots of good bacteria and fully finish the course even if it doesn’t feel like it’s doing anything… and please, don’t let him reel you back in the way they’re always so good at,” you said with a smile as you pulled your gloves off and went to the desk to update her chart.
“You’re a junkie,” Dr. Fowles said and you rolled your eyes at him.
“Takes one to know one,” you said, handing him the chart as your pager beeped and he wished you luck as you ran towards the elevator. You texted Jake to let him know you’d come out with an update once you had one and were on your way to meet them in the OR. Standing in the scrub room and overlooking them prepping Mary through the window you took a deep breath, you knew things would move quickly the second you got her here but it truly felt like one minute you were at the Hard Deck laughing with your friends and the next you’re here… about to step into surgery on one of the most important people in your life.
“I know you can’t tell through my mask, but I’m smiling right now,” you said as you approached her.
“I know, honey,” she replied and the anesthesiologist looked at you to let you know they were ready when you were. “Promise me something,” she said and you just shook your head.
“I’m not making you any promises, Mary, you’re not on your deathbed.”
“Promise me that when I’m out of the woods you are going to put me and John and your parents out of our misery and finally kiss that son of mine,” she said and you let out a shocked laugh.
“You are about to go under for brain surgery and that’s what you’re worried about right now?” you teased.
“You two drive me nuts! Just give me a wedding already.” she said and you shook your head.
“I’ll see what I can do… I’ll see you after, okay?” you said, nodding to the anesthesiologist. “Countdown from ten for me.”
“Ten… nine… give me a wedding… eight… seven-” she slurred as she fell under and you just chuckled to yourself as Dr. Lewis entered the room.
“Alright, Jupiter… I have been patient with you all day as you made me run through my surgical plan a dozen times and all but demanded to be in here, and I was happy to oblige because I like you, however there will not be a peep out of you from here on out, are we understood?” he asked and you nodded.
“Yes, sir. I understand.”
“Good, because I will throw you out so please don’t make me have to.” You watched as he began, your eyes intently flitting between his hands and the monitor that was displaying an aerial view of the surgical field and you felt nausea begin to creep in. You listened as Dr. Fowles narrated everything he was doing to Dr. Stevens, who you wanted to throw a bedpan at when they got eyes on the tumor… really you couldn’t be mad, his reaction was warranted and it was cool, but it would be a hell of a lot cooler if that tumor wasn’t in Jake’s mom’s head. You listened as Dr. Fowles changed his surgical approach, this was always a possibility. The scans give you a lot of information but any plans are just loose ideas until you actually get in there and see what’s going on, and you bit your tongue as you let him make his best judgment call on how to proceed. You were now two hours into the surgery but it felt like no time had passed at all.
“Alright, I think we’re ready to pull this sucker out, Dr. Stevens would you like to man the cautery?” Dr. Fowles asked and your heart stuttered in your chest.
“Absolutely not,” you said before your mind could catch up and tell you to keep your mouth shut.
“Are we forgetting you’re not to speak in this OR?”
“With all due respect sir, as promising as Dr. Stevens is, one wrong move with that cautery and all of this will have been for nothing.” you said and you watched as his hands stilled on the monitor.
“It seems Jupiter doesn’t want you to learn today,” Dr. Fowles said and Dr. Stevens looked between the two of you, clearly stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“If it’s alright with you sir, I’ll just observe. She’s right, I’ve never cauterized before and I still have a lot I want to learn from her… I’d rather not jeopardize that by sending her best friend's mom to the vegetable patch.” he said and you nodded in satisfaction. You would personally see to it that Dr. Stevens scrubbed in with you on every one of your surgeries for the foreseeable future to make up for the learning opportunity you’d just robbed him of. Things seemed to be progressing smoothly until the monitors started beeping frantically and you watched as her BP suddenly tanked and you felt your stomach drop as Dr. Fowles started barking out orders that weren’t quite registering in your ears.
“No… no, no no,” you muttered, a tidal wave of panic crashing over you as you ran out into the hallway and braced yourself on a wall, trying desperately to get your breathing under control. You quickly hunched over a trash can and let the nausea take over, vomiting onto the pile of discarded gloves and trauma gowns as the door opened to reveal a scrub nurse.
“Dr. Fowles is asking you to come back in,” she said and you shook your head, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. “Come on, just come see,” she said and you placed your mask back over your face as you tentatively followed.
“You missed the good part, Jupiter… the tumor is out.”
“Her vitals?” you asked, taking a small step closer as you looked at the monitors but you didn’t trust your eyes.
“She’s a fighter,” he answered and you sighed in relief. “I’m about to pack with gelfoam but it appears we are out of the woods. Would you like to go update them as I close?” he asked but you were already halfway out the door, ripping off your mask and sprinting down the hallways until you burst into the waiting area. Jake and John jumped up, looking at you expectantly and as they took in your tear streaked face and rapid breathing you watched as their faces fell.
“No! No no no,” you said, taking in a sharp breath. “It’s good, it all went good, they’re closing now, she’ll be in recovery within the half hour,” you said and they both exhaled in relief. 
“Oh thank god,” John whispered, pulling you in for a bone crushing hug. “Thank you,” he pulled away to place a kiss on your forehead. “There will never be enough thank you’s for this,” he said as he wiped his own tears. You looked over to Jake who had sunk into one of the chairs with his head hung in his hands and you crouched on the floor in front of him and gently placed a hand on his knee.
“Jake? She’s going to be okay,” you said and he lifted his head to look at you with glassy eyes, “it went as well as we could have hoped. We won’t be certain until she wakes up but I have a very good feeling.” 
“J…” he started, but was cut off by his own tears and you pushed him back in his seat to perch on his legs and pull him into your chest.
“I know…” you soothed, rubbing a hand up and down his back. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you just sat there as you held him, whispering reassurances into his ear. You hooked a finger on his chin, softly tilting his head to look up at you before resting your palms on his cheeks. “I’m going to call my parents, let them know… and Rooster too, everyone’s been really worried,” you said and he nodded. You placed a kiss on his forehead as you slid off his lap and you stepped away and pulled out your phone. Your mother had cried, sobbed really, and your dad told you to pass along their well wishes for recovery when he took over the call, you could hear the relief in his voice as he told you how proud he was of you.
“Please tell me she’s okay,” Rooster said as he answered and you let out a breathy laugh.
“She’s good… we’re in the wait and see portion, but I think we’re in the clear. Can you talk with Mav? She’ll be out of here in a few days but this whole thing has him pretty rattled. I know I don’t have the authority but I’m not clearing him for work just yet,” you said and Rooster chuckled.
“Doctor’s orders,” he said and you let out a soft laugh as well. “Mav said to take all the time he needs, there’s no rush to get back.” You thanked him as you hung up, telling him to pass it along to the rest of the Dagger’s as well for how supportive they’ve been throughout. Your pager went off as you approached the two of them and you gave them a reassuring look.
“She’s in post op now, I’m confident everything is fine but I’m going to head up and just be sure, okay?” you said and they nodded as you made your way to the elevator and you all but ran into the room, eyes immediately scanning the brain activity monitor.
“How’s it looking?” you asked a bit frantically.
“Looking good,” Dr. Fowles answered as you grabbed her chart from him to look it over. “You know as well as I do we won’t know for sure until she wakes up but I don’t think we should expect any deficits.” You dropped the chart into its place at the end of her bed and threw your arms around him.
“I know this is unprofessional but just go with it,” you said as you started crying again and he chuckled as he reciprocated and rubbed along your back. “I owe you big time, thank you for everything… I am available for any and every pro-bono surgery you need me for from here on out,” you said. 
“I think I’ll hold onto my favor for a little while,” he teased as you pulled away and you laughed as you wiped your cheeks and asked an orderly to grab Jake and John.
“Well, whatever it is it better be big, I owe you a lifetime's worth of thank you’s.” He slipped out of the room and let you know he would check back later and you felt the dark cloud that had been hovering over you the past few days begin to dissipate and with it brought the crushing weight of every feeling you’d been fighting off. You let out a broken sob and immediately turned to leave the room, not noticing Jake walking down the hallway as you hurried the opposite direction and shut yourself into an on-call room. He poked his head into his mom’s room, making sure everything was okay before chasing after you and he found you sitting on the floor with your back against a nightstand and your head between your knees as you tried to regulate your breathing. He was silent as he sat beside you and you lifted your head slightly.
“You don’t need to be here,” you choked out, “I know you’re mad at me, and it’s… I’m okay, really, go sit with your mom.” He didn’t respond, instead he reached around you to grip underneath your arms and pulled you to sit between his legs where he wrapped himself around you and it was the final straw to push you over the edge. You leaned back against him as he held you tight and fell apart in his arms… you’d tried to say something but nothing would come out around your cries, and Jake just let you get it all out.
“I’m not mad at you,” he finally said when your breathing started to even out. “I was but… I was wrong. I didn’t-” he stopped himself for a moment, taking a deep breath as he fought his own tears. “Not once did I stop and consider what this was like for you, I was selfish. You.. I mean, god Jupiter,” he let out a humorless laugh. “You swept in and had this handled in less than three days. I was so wrapped up in what you weren’t doing that I didn’t think about what you were doing, and that was everything… you held it together for all of us, you made sure she would be okay. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” you sniffled.
“Yes, I do. I thought you weren’t there for me, but you were. You always are, even if I don’t see it at first. I’m so sorry that I made this harder on you,” he said, giving you another squeeze and you melted against him. “I was mad at you for who you are, and that’s… I say how proud I am of the doctor you’ve become and in the moment that you were doing everything you could to help my mom I was an absolute asshole.”
“You weren’t an asshole… I treated you like a patient’s family, and you reacted the way family does.”
“That doesn’t make it okay,” he muttered, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you said softly. “Do you want to go check on your mom?” you asked and he shook his head.
“No. I want to just sit here with you for a little while if that’s okay,” he replied and you nodded, letting your head fall against his arm.
“Yeah, that’s okay.”
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