Practice practice practice

After watching the video in this post, I decided to look up the script for Duel of the Fates, Colin Trevorrow and Derek Connolly’s first pass at Episode IX before Carrie Fisher’s passing rendered it unusable. While I stand by what I’ve said previously about how its ultimate message (how it’s good to be a “Gray Jedi” who uses both Light and Dark sides of the Force and thus every Jedi prior to Rey got it all wrong) pisses on Star Wars and its core philosophy of the Force and what “balance” means far more than anything J.J Abrams or Rian Johnson could ever put out, I want to bring up another flaw. See, Duel of the Fates is praised by people who loved The Last Jedi and hated The Rise of Skywalker for being a far more “natural continuation” to The Last Jedi. The question I now pose is...is it? Is it really? 

I mean, in some respects it certainly is - it maintains the harsher tone, maintains certain beats like Rey having no special heritage and Rose being a central character, and isn’t afraid to risk fucking with sacred cows of the franchise’s mythos (even if they take it too far, in a way that lends a ton of credibility to every “Rey is a Mary Sue!” argument ever made, but I digress). However, look deeper and cracks begin to show to the notion that Duel of the Fates is an organic follow-up to The Last Jedi and would have satisfied everyone who loved that movie.

Yes, Rey would have stayed just a girl from nowhere with no special heritage, and one could argue that her Gray Jedi outcome fit with her trajectory in The Last Jedi where she’s basically perfect as is and doesn’t need to learn much of anything; in fact her “teachers” end up learning from her. However, the big “reveal” scene about her parents from The Last Jedi is still retconned. In The Rise of Skywalker, the retcon is that Kylo just saw what happened - Rey’s scavenger parents selling her - and assumed there was no deeper truth to it but then learns he was wrong about that. In Duel of the Fates, the retcon is that Kylo flat-out lied. He knew that Rey’s parents didn’t sell her for drinking money and were in fact hiding her...not from an assassin sent by Palpatine, but from an assassin sent by Snoke. Him. Kylo Ren. He himself killed Rey’s parents because they hid Rey from him and later lied to her that they just abandoned her. I have no idea how this works timeline-wise given that Kylo doesn’t seem that much older than Rey, but whatever. Also, Rey’s real name is “Rey Solana”. Yes, literally just “Solo” if the last “o” got taken out and the “ana” from “Organa” got put in. Um....poetry?

Speaking of Kylo Ren, The Last Jedi positioned him as the irredeemable Big Bad now that he’s Supreme Leader of the First Order. And Duel of the Fates kind of did and did not stick with that. Yes, he’s the Big Bad all the way to being the Final Boss (for a third film in a row), but his entire plotline is completely detached from the First Order he’s supposedly the Supreme Leader of. Rather than just being treated as irredeemable, damn near every good guy in the film is constantly trying to redeem him (above all Luke’s ghost, since “See you around, kid” was taken literally here instead of figuratively). And yet at the last minute, he kind of receives redemption anyway? He loses in lightsaber combat to Rey, then beats her anyway by killing her via his lifeforce-draining ability, only for Leia to contact him through the Force and tell him “Come back to the Light”....and despite everything he’s done up to this point where he has succeeded in his goal, this is somehow enough for him to immediately give his own lifeforce to Rey, resurrecting her and killing him. He did nothing good other than backtrack on something evil he’d literally just done, so I guess he isn’t redeemed, but then why does the script describe his passing as having light in his eyes and holding Rey’s hand while looking at her with love? How are we supposed to look at this? It’s beyond confusing! You can keep Kylo unredeemed or redeem him ala The Rise of Skywalker, but not both.

Finn, and Rose certainly get it better in Duel of the Fates than they do in The Rise of Skywalker, with Finn leading a massive Stormtrooper rebellion and Rose being one of the core characters instead of an extra. But there are three problems. Rose ends up largely contributing nothing beyond further social commentary and even gets captured and tortured, which doesn’t seem like it makes her starring role worth it. Finn and Rose are a romantic couple, and as it ended up John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran had no romantic chemistry with each other. And funnily enough, The Last Jedi did not set Finn up for his Stormtrooper rebellion arc! It could have, but for some reason the version of his battle with Phasma that had build-up for this development wasn’t used in the finished film! So that’s a big whoopsie! Poe’s arc in Duel of the Fates actively backtracks on his arc from The Last Jedi! Whereas in The Last Jedi it was positioned that his hot-headed recklessness was wrong and he had to grow as a leader by taking Leia’s example, Duel of the Fates has him in the right over Leia by pointing out “rebellion IS recklessness!” and that Leia has had her time and now she has to let Poe take charge even if she has some reservations about his gung-ho methods. Hux, meanwhile, who was positioned in The Last Jedi as scheming to betray Kylo Ren so that he can become the leader of the First Order...never does that in Duel of the Fates. He basically IS the First Order’s leader anyway since Kylo Ren is busy with his own shit, and the farthest extent his “treachery” goes is just hoping Rey and Kylo kill each other rather than take initiative himself in any way. Oh, and he’s also randomly obsessed with learning how to use the Force and collects lightsabers, one of which he commits seppuku with at the end. Yeah.

As for the other characters, there’s honestly not that much difference from what they do in The Rise of Skywalker. Luke keeps with his turnaround on how he views the Jedi and his place in the universe and assists Rey as a ghost, Leia still reaches through to her son via the Force in order to engineer his change of heart, Han is a vision that confronts his son (albeit one that fails in Duel of the Fates), Lando is reluctant to get involved but then ends up leading the cavalry in the final battle, the sidekicks are still the sidekicks and one of the droids even has their memory wiped but later restored (though it’s R2-D2 rather than C-3PO), and despite all the fan bitching there is no instrumental role played by the ghost of “Chosen One” Anakin. The only other big difference is that instead of Palpatine, a character established as a master long-term schemer with a fixation on finding a way to cheat death, returning, we have a confusing character named Tor Valum who is apparently master of ALL THE SITH which breaks the Rule of Two, hints that Darth Plagueis in his entirety was a lie, and exists as a plot device to make Kylo Ren a formidable Final Boss after having been made a joke of in the climax of the previous two films. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather have Palpatine.

So there you have it. Not much else to say but...

Things I Don’t Like About the New Disney Star Wars

I’m a longtime hardcore Star Wars fan. I was introduced to it as a child, and became a bigger fan when I went to high school. I enjoyed the movies and the Expanded Universe, and still go to Comic Con in Jedi and Sith outfits. I was among the fans that was a little worried when Disney bought Lucasfilm and planned to make movies from the franchise. I am sorry to say my fears didn't prove to be unfounded. 

1. Luke Skywalker

The protagonist of the original trilogy that we followed on his path to becoming a Jedi Knight. We meet him in The Last Jedi as he is now a disillusioned, bitter old man haunted by his failure with his nephew, Ben Solo. Now, I love the scene where he talks to his old mentor, Yoda, who gives his signature wise words and points out Luke not being grounded in the present, but stuck looking at the past. I also like seeing this Luke show some character development, and sacrifice his life to save the Resistance. 

However, I find it hard to believe that a man who never gave up on his father when everyone else including his mentors told him Anakin was a lost cause, would give up on his nephew. I think it would have been better if instead of Han going to Ben in Force Awakens, it was Luke, thinking he could save his nephew like he did his father. He also states the Jedi record is nothing but failure, which is clearly false as Obi-wan stated that up until Palpatine the Jedi served the galaxy for over a thousand generations (25,000+ years). While there is some truth in what he said in there being arrogance among the Jedi with Yoda stating in Attack of the Clones that overconfidence was becoming common among Jedi, saying that the Jedi let a Sith lord come to power really undersells Palpatine. It wasn’t a case of the Jedi’s incompetence letting him come to power, but more Palpatine being a brilliant grand chess master who managed to outplay the Jedi, and effectively manipulate the Senate into granting more power that he was then able to use to crush the Jedi Order and crown himself Emperor. Luke stating that Jedi felt the light side belonged to them showed that Johnson’s homework left something to be desired, given the possessive attitude towards the Force was more the philosophy of the Sith who saw the Force as a tool while the Jedi philosophy was the opposite, in that they saw themselves as tools of the Force.

I can see Luke living in isolation withdrawn from the rest of the galaxy, having stopped taking on students out of feelings of guilt over his personal failure with his nephew, but I don’t see him deciding to end the Jedi and in doing so, choosing to turn his back on the promise he made to his mentor Yoda on his deathbed: pass on what you have learned. I also doubt the guy who abruptly left training on Dagobah to save his friends (and who also saved his life a few times) would abandon them and the galaxy to their fate. 

2. The Handling of Rey

I thought Rey could or rather should have been handled better as a character. The problem is how we are really unable to see her growth as a character. Look at Luke’s journey in the original trilogy. In the first film, he is pretty helpless as he needs Obi-wan’s help when he is attacked by Tusken Raiders and two criminals try to fight him at the Mos Eisely Cantina. He also needs Han’s help on the Death Star, and during the Battle of Yavin. In Empire Strikes Back, he needs his friends’ help when Han finds and rescues him on Hoth. He needs Yoda to lift the X-wing out of the swamp during their training, teaching Luke to unlearn the limits he put on his abilities. We also see Luke abandon his training on Dagobah to save his friends only for it to backfire as not only did his friends not need him to escape, but he ends up falling into Vader’s trap, and gets kicked around by Vader. He finds himself stuck in a precarious situation with his right hand cut off and hanging on an antenna. It is only contacting Leia for help that saves him. He knows he screwed up badly. However, in A New Hope you see him use the Force to fire proton torpedoes successfully into the exhaust port. You also see him use the Force to pull the lightsaber from the snowdrift and save himself from the wampa in the beginning of Empire Strikes Back. The beginning of Return of the Jedi, he doesn’t need Obi-wan’s help as the first scene shows him easily subduing two Gamorrean guards with simply a wave of his two fingers. He also manages to kill a rancor with a rock and his wits and later take on an entire barge full of armed men with the whole thing being a plan he came up with to rescue Han Solo that works. The end of the film has him winning a duel with Vader, and managing to turn him back to the light side. You can chart his progress throughout the films, and see his journey going from a helpless farm boy to a powerful Jedi Knight. 

In Force Awakens, Rey manages to successfully use a Jedi mind trick on a stormtrooper and pull a lightsaber from a snow drift despite no training, even though with Luke it clearly took effort to pull a lightsaber from a snowdrift in the beginning of Empire Strikes Back. She also managed to defeat Kylo Ren in a lightsaber duel when she should have lost. Firstly, even if she did have some ability with the Force, Kylo did too, and unlike her, he actually had years of experience and training in using the Force and dueling with a lightsaber. He was injured when he fought her, but even injured he managed to defeat Finn who unlike Rey was a soldier with likely years of training in melee combat, so logically Kylo should have won. Secondly, it made more sense from a story perspective for her to lose for the same reason why Luke had to lose his first duel with Vader: to show that even though she was strong and had potential, she still had a long way to go. If she loses her first duel, it makes it that much more meaningful when she beats him in their final duel as it shows how much she has grown. However, winning her first duel with him makes her defeating him in their final duel have less impact, given if she defeated him the first time, how is it surprising if she defeats him the second time?

In The Last Jedi, she managed to move literally hundreds of tons of large boulders easily without any strain, again despite any training, even though Luke struggled to get his X-wing out of the swamp in Empire Strikes Back, and unlike her, he had some training. She also managed to take on multiple Elite Praetorian Guards at once, who along with outnumbering her, as the word in the name “elite” suggests, were also exceptionally trained and skilled in melee combat, the best of the best. With Kylo it makes more sense given he actually had training under both Luke Skywalker and Snoke while she should have been able to do that and move those boulders only after having undergone extensive training. Having her try lifting some heavy objects on Ach-To with some apparent difficulty would have made her moving those boulders more meaningful as it would have shown a clear progression in her abilities, and created a payoff due to her hard work and dedication. Having her spar with Luke with him giving her some tips would have helped to explain her taking on some of the members of the Elite Praetorian Guard, and even with that, she should have taken them on with more difficulty. Hell, you could have had Kylo taken them on easily to show that on Starkiller Base, he was deliberately going easy on her in their duel as he intended not to kill her but turn her. In the Rise of Skywalker, to Abrams’s credit, we do see her train, but a scene like that was needed in the previous films.

That’s because using the Force isn’t supposed to be like superpowers, where like Superman and Spiderman, one gets and is able to use it easily. There is a reason why both Jedi and Sith spend years training to use the Force. It is a power that requires an extensive amount of hard work and discipline to be able to hone and use. Showing her train, and her astounding abilities coming as a result would have been not just more realistic but better for her character story as a whole. 

The trilogy also tries to avoid the fact that she made a mistake in coming to Kylo Ren in The Last Jedi as it proves to be a decision that nearly got her killed. She needs to make mistakes to both humanize her character, and as a form of progression as we see her learn from them. I would go so far as to say that Luke had more character development and growth in The Last Jedi than Rey did in the entire trilogy. 

As for her backstory, Abrams likely intended for her to be Luke’s daughter only for Johnson to retconn that, and make her a nobody of any special lineage. Abrams then rectonned that, and made her Palpatine’s granddaughter. In my honest opinion, Abrams would have done well to keep Johnson’s change. It was better with Rey as a nobody. Especially when combined with the scene of a child using the Force to pull a broom, it sent the message that the Force pays no attention to bloodlines when choosing who is worthy, and that anyone can be a Jedi, anyone can have the power to make a difference. That power can be found even in the most obscure places like a scavenger on Jabiim or a child slave on Canto Bight. It also fits with Maz Kanata telling Rey that her path is not behind her but in front of her. 

She also chose “Skywalker” as her surname at the end, when I think she should have gone with her actual name “Palpatine.” Luke didn’t exactly go around calling himself “Kenobi” after Return of the Jedi. Rey could have gone by her actual surname, signifying that she acknowledges and owns where she came from, but at the same time, she isn’t going to let her grandfather’s dark legacy define her. I think that would have been the better angle. 

3. The Plots of the Sequel Trilogy Films

Force Awakens was basically a copy-and-paste of A New Hope. I would have been okay if it was new characters with some old characters going on a mission to a distant planet to destroy a facility, but not one of the good guys carrying plans for basically a bigger version of the Death Star hidden in a droid on a desert planet, and it ultimately culminates in a final battle with said superweapon destroyed (and a mentor figure killed by the new Vader). That was a bit lazy on Abrams’s part. He played it too safe to the point that the whole film felt generic. 

Johnson took a lot more risks in The Last Jedi, and some I felt were good like making Rey a nobody, but it was also the plot of Empire Strikes Back: begins with battle that hurts good guys, hero goes to train with Jedi Master on far-off planet while the others are chased by the Empire and the latter group is betrayed while the hero comes back to save them. He also failed to do what Empire Strikes Back had and even Attack of the Clones had: end the middle film on a cliffhanger. Empire Strikes Back ended with Han captured and Vader having revealed to Luke that he is his father. Attack of the Clones ended with the beginning of the Clone Wars as Palpatine overlooked clones marching and being deployed, the war being revealed to be a machination with Dooku acting on the orders of Darth Sidious from the previous film and Anakin and Padme being married in a secret ceremony. The Last Jedi ended with Luke dying and the Resistance having escaped, but no plot point is left unresolved. Johnson also made the short-sighted decision to wrap up so many plot points that should have been saved for the final film that he basically left Abrams with little left, and played a role in Rise of Skywalker’s foundering. An example being that Snoke was killed off so he couldn’t be the final villain, and Abrams likely decided to make Palpatine the final villain instead of Kylo Ren given the handling of Kylo didn’t leave the impression that he would make a great final villain. Essentially, Abrams had been painted into a corner. 

Rise of Skywalker, I already covered here. Abrams was again a bit generic with Rise of Skywalker feeling like Return of the Jedi: more superweapons that are destroyed with one shot while the hero fights Palpatine and turns his subordinate to the light side. I had low expectations when I heard Abrams decided to have Chris Terrio help him write the script, the same man who wrote Batman v Superman and Justice League for the franchise of DCEU, both films being critical flops that were considered big letdowns for the the newborn DCEU. Rise of Skywalker ended up having some of the same issues as those films in the form of poor pacing, too much plot convenience and characters being resurrected in a ham-fisted way. Also, if Palpatine was controlling Snoke and was building a fleet of planet-destroying capital ships, then why have Snoke go through the trouble and expense of making Starkiller Base? Hell, why didn’t they wait until after the Sith fleet was finished, and send the fleet out into the star systems with Palpatine sending the message that he had returned, and blown up a planet (the New Republic capital) to demonstrate his power? That would have effectively checkmated the galaxy. 

Rey is apparently Palpatine’s granddaughter, which creates so many questions. If Snoke was being controlled by Palpatine, and Palpatine knew Rey was his granddaughter, then why did Snoke try to have Kylo kill Rey if Palpatine intended to use her?

Disney also made the mistake of having another director make the middle film, The Last Jedi, whose vision was at odds with the previous (and later succeeding) one, instead of keeping one director and ensuring the films have a single vision. The three films felt like each was their own thing instead of feeling like part of a larger narrative arc with each sequel retconning the previous film. You can see it in Rise of Skywalker with Luke grabbing the lightsaber that Rey threw away, and saying that is no way to treat Jedi’s weapon as a reversal of Luke tossing away the lightsaber in the previous film. You can also see it when Kylo’s helmet is reforged after it was shattered in the previous film even though the ship it was on exploded. Would Kylo really have gone through the trouble of going into the elevator to gather all the pieces on a sinking ship? Abrams clearly originally intended for Rey to be Luke’s daughter, but after Johnson’s changes, felt he had to change that to her being Palpatine’s granddaughter and choosing to call herself “Skywalker.” That’s what happens when you use two directors with two competing visions. 

While the prequels had plenty of flaws, they at least felt like someone was trying to tell a story instead of being a company trying to cash in on a successful franchise.  Another issue is that Lucas was a fan of Dune, Flash Gordon and samurai films, and then he mixed all that together along with some other stuff and made Star Wars while Abrams enjoyed Star Wars as a kid, and then made Star Wars. 

4. The Background to the Sequel Trilogy

It is established in the new Disney canon that the Rebel Alliance managed to take control one year after the Battle of Endor, and crush the Imperial military. I’m sorry, but I find it incredibly unrealistic that a fascist government (a kind which historically has placed a great emphasis on the military) with a military large enough to control an entire galaxy could have been subdued in such a short amount of time by a force as small as the Rebel Alliance. Even without the Emperor and the second Death Star, the Imperials clearly still had the military advantage against the Rebels in both numbers and resources. 

Legends, for all its flaws, was more realistic in how the Rebel Alliance/New Republic took control of the galaxy and subdued the Empire. Killing the Emperor without him having named an heir basically had them dealing with a snake with the head cut off. The Empire, like many empires throughout history once central authority disappears, fell to factionalism with different Imperial generals and Moffs declaring themselves the rightful heirs to the Empire, fighting each other as well as the Rebels and New Republic. This proved to be a mixed blessing. On the one hand, the Rebels didn’t have to fight a united Empire, and were able to deal with smaller, splintered factions as the Empire gradually weakened and the New Republic gradually grew in strength. On the other hand, this also made defeating the Empire a more prolonged struggle since they needed to subdue each Imperial faction and warlord, and there were occasional reversals of fortune where it looked like the Empire was winning. It ended up taking three years after the Battle of Endor to take the capital of Coruscant, and fifteen years until the last Imperial faction surrendered, finally ending the Galactic Civil War.

Instead of the Resistance fighting the First Order, it could have been the New Republic fighting against the remnants of the Empire led by a newly appointed Emperor or Supreme Commander. 

5. Bendu and the Ones

In Star Wars Rebels “Steps Into the Shadow,” we are introduced to the Bendu, a giant being that is the personification of the center of the Force. In Star Wars Clone Wars “Overlords,” we have the Ones, a family of beings who are the embodiments of the Force with the Son and Daughter representing the light and dark sides. They are all immortal, indestructible beings that serve as representations of the Force, or they are essentially gods. 

I’m sorry, but whoever proposed these characters clearly doesn’t know anything about the mystique of the Force in Star Wars. In the original trilogy, we were never given an explanation for what the Force was other than Obi-wan’s brief explanation and Yoda’s speech of the Force being a mystical energy force that binds the galaxy together and flows through everything. As acclaimed fantasy/sci-fi author George R.R. Martin noted, you need to “keep the magic magical — something mysterious and dark and dangerous, and something never completely understood,” and Lucas understood that to an extent as he was usually intentionally vague when asked to describe the Force. The idea was that the Force was something so infinitely big and vast that no one, not even the wisest and most skilled Force users like Yoda, could truly comprehend it. It’s true power and scope was simply beyond imagination, and one could only scratch the surface of it. What made the Force have such a powerful effect on the imagination of the viewer is the sense of mystery and magic coming from the unknown. Putting in, essentially, deities who are personifications of the Force actually wrecks that unique aspect that gives the Force so much of its power and mystique. 

6. Clonetroopers’ control chips

In the Star Wars: The Clone Wars episode “Conspiracy,” it is stated that all the clonetroopers on Kamino have control chips planted into their brains as an explanation for why they carried out Order 66, and killed off their Jedi commanders. I felt that was completely unnecessary given we were already given a satisfactory explanation in Attack of the Clones when Lama Su stated: "You'll find they are totally obedient, taking any order without question. We modified their genetic structure to make them less independent." In other words, the clones were bred and trained since conception for complete obedience, taking literally any order without question. What’s more, this order was given to them by none other than the Supreme Chancellor himself, the commander-in-chief. Few soldiers would have refused a direct order from the highest authority, especially if they were trained for obedience since childhood. 

It wouldn’t be the only time they answered a question that didn’t need answering. Rogue One had the guy who designed the Death Star intentionally build an unstable reactor to explain how firing a a pair of proton torpedoes into the exhaust port destroyed it. 

7. Solo

I am not in the minority when I say that Solo wasn’t a particularly great film. It was a film that no one asked for, and was completely unnecessary given we had all the information needed about Han Solo from A New Hope: a loner smuggler. For starters, if Solo isn’t his real surname, then a random Imperial official shouldn’t have given him that name, but rather, it would have been more fitting his character if Han himself picked that name. I also think where the movie started was a mistake with a teenage Han fleeing from a crime boss, the beginning should have either spent a good deal on Han’s childhood, or started in the present with Han and Lando planning the heist with background info filled in through flashbacks or dialogue. 

The biggest offense was Han actually helping to fund the forerunners of the Rebel Alliance in the end. That actually made his decision to help Luke in the Battle of Yavin less meaningful. It was supposed to be a self-interested smuggler who only looks out for Number One making the selfless decision to risk his life to help people he just met in the midst of a seemingly hopeless space battle. Now, it’s a guy getting back into the game of helping the Rebel Alliance. If Han was going to help any rebels in Solo, they at least could have done it in a way where he suffers a huge personal loss, ie a close friend (like Qira) dies in the effort, and after that, an upset Han basically tells Chewie something along the lines of “From here on out, it’s just going to be you and me. We’re not going to get involved with anyone or anything, it’s just us from now on.” That at the very least wouldn’t have taken meaning away from his decision in the Battle of Yavin. 

8. Bringing Back Darth Maul

I liked Darth Maul as a character, and I think he should have gotten more lines in Phantom Menace. However, I may be in the minority on this, but I don’t think he should have been brought back. That he managed to survive being cut in half, falling and survived by himself despite missing the lower half of his body stretches credulity. Even more so when Palpatine thought he was dead, which creates a continuity error. In the Last Jedi, Rey and Leia were able to sense when Luke died despite how far away he was, and in Revenge of the Sith, Yoda was able to feel the deaths of all the Jedi killed in the Jedi Purge, so it isn’t unlikely to say that Palpatine would have known if Maul survived or died given he would have felt his death in the Force. What’s more, Mother Talzin knew Maul was alive, and we’re supposed to believe that she knew, but Palpatine somehow didn’t? As for after Palpatine learns Maul survived years later, I don’t think Palpatine would have allowed another Sith to survive either given it violates the Rule of Two. Maul had also just tried to kill him, making Maul a clear threat, and Palpatine isn’t one to leave any loose ends. 

I’m not against having Darth Maul on-screen again, but I think it would have been better if instead of Maul miraculously surviving his duel with Obi-wan, he was shown in a prequel to the Phantom Menace. We would have gotten to see some of his backstory, his relationship with Palpatine as well as be given a look at how Palpatine operates in the shadows behind the scenes. 

9. Time Travel

In Star Wars Rebels “A World between Worlds,” Ezra comes across a chamber in the Jedi temple on Lothal with different portals to time periods and space. Ahsoka Tano is rescued through one of them. I’m sorry, but time travel doesn’t belong in Star Wars. I’m okay with seeing visions of the future or premonitions, but being able to travel through time seems out of place, and makes the whole universe feel less grounded. 

10. Lightsaber color explanation

I’ve written about this before, but I think making kyber crystals choose the Jedi wielder is a rip-off of Harry Potter with wands. The Sith blades being red, because kyber crystals are attuned to the light-side of the Force and turn red because they are forced by dark-siders to be used is gilding the lily. I felt the original Legends explanation was good enough: the reason Sith blades are red is because their kyber crystals are synthetic while the Jedi kyber crystals are naturally occurring. It fits the whole nature vs. technology dichotomy of the Jedi and Sith. 

11. The Villains

Kylo Ren

As far as villains go, I find Kylo Ren to be pretty disappointing. They were clearly going for a combination of Anakin Skywalker from the prequels and original trilogies with a confused young man and the Darth Vader aspects. Darth Vader did well, because in A New Hope, the first scenes we see him are all the introductions needed: his deep voice, his large, imposing black masked figure as he casually and confidently strolls down the hallway of the Tantive IV and choking a soldier to death helped to firmly establish him as the enforcer for the tyrannical Empire (combined with John Williams’s score), and is able to even harm and kill people without touching them in the case of the meeting with the generals. Kylo Ren doesn’t have the same power in his introduction, hell, he doesn’t have the same effect as a villain. While I admit that stopping a blaster bolt in mid-air was impressive, he generally lacked/s the imposing figure and calm, controlled demeanor of his predecessor. Vader was always subtle and controlled with his actions and movements, usually doing little more than extending an arm to either physically choke someone or Force choke them from a distance, and we never saw him bring out his lightsaber until another lightsaber duelist came his way, generally leaving his subordinates, the stormtroopers, to take care of the Rebel soldiers (except in Rogue One, which i felt was out of character for him). Kylo, by contrast, brought his lightsaber out even when there weren’t any enemies around, just so he could wreck a control panel when he threw a tantrum. He got more temperamental in The Last Jedi as he called for the First Order forces to fire on Luke, constantly telling them to fire "MORE!” and Force choked Hux for telling him to stop as opposed to Vader who only Force choked his subordinates if they either failed him, or showed blatant disrespect towards him. Kylo is just a temperamental, overgrown man-child while Vader was largely a cold, calculating and controlled man. 

Yes, I think that might have been the point, that Kylo doesn’t measure up to his grandfather, but it still could have been done in a way that made him a more memorable villain. Having a calm, controlled demeanor would have made him more intimidating as a villain, and behind the mask we could have seen a more vulnerable young man. Abrams was kind of going for that, but he made some missteps and Johnson faltered. Vader also wasn’t defeated in a lightsaber duel until the final film, which helped to sell the idea that this guy was invincible while Kylo was defeated in his first duel by Rey, reducing the size of his threat and making him less believable as a final villain. 

Vader’s story in the original trilogy is also more compelling as he starts out as the blackest of villains, with his connection to the main hero of the story later established when it is revealed that he is Luke’s father. This affects Luke’s story in having him deal with the temptation of following in his father’s footsteps and turning to the dark side. Vader, on the other hand, has a layer of complexity added to his character, and by the end, he surprises the audience by turning on the Emperor, and saving his son. Whereas with Rey and Kylo’s connection, she is just a complete stranger to Kylo with no real past or ties to him the way Vader had with Luke. Kylo and Rey’s connection is just some Force connection, and it feels quite forced (no pun intended). 

I think his gradual conversion back to the light side might have been okay, and his final decision to sacrifice himself to save Rey. Although, Kylo telling Snoke in Force Awakens he feels stirrings from the light side of the Force was too on the nose. Vader didn’t need to say he felt stirrings of that light, as we could tell through scenes and dialogue such as the long pause at the end of Empire Strikes Back and turning and leaving the bridge without saying a word after Luke escapes without Force choking his admiral like he did throughout the film, as well as telling Luke in Return of the Jedi “It is too late for me.” Abrams would have benefited from using more subtlety and nuance. 

General Hux

Hux’s character was mishandled. He could have been the new version of Grand Moff Tarkin, a villain from A New Hope portrayed by the great Peter Cushing who would have benefited from more screen time. He and Kylo were set up as rivals, and could have been taken as representing the two sides of the First Order/Empire with Hux representing the the military hierarchy/practical military side and Kylo representing the dark side of the Force/mystical side. The fact that the trilogy had two directors really showed in how his character was handled. In the first film, with the exception of his passionate speech, he for the most part came across as a cold, disciplined military man akin to Tarkin. In the next film, he came off as pretty hammy, lacking the subtlety and nuance of his character in the previous film as he got emotional pretty easily such as in the beginning of the film when dealing with Poe Dameron. He also hardly got any screen time in the final film, and was revealed to be the spy only to be dispatched easily as if he was just a side character rather than a major supporting character. His performance also felt like he was trying too hard to impersonate a Nazi officer with a kind of faux-German accent. 

Snoke

Supreme Leader Snoke is the leader of the First Order, and Kylo’s dark mentor. He is supposed to be Palpatine’s new counterpart. Unfortunately, Palpatine is a villain not-so-easily replaced (something Abrams realized, and tried to over-correct to disastrous results). 

In the original trilogy, Palpatine isn’t seen in the flesh until the final installment, and up until then, he had been mentioned in the first film and seen through a Holonet in the second. Snoke was introduced much earlier in the first film, Force Awakens, via Holonet and seen in the flesh in the second. When we finally see him, he dies in the second film, without really making a lasting impression. Palpatine’s threat was largely implied through the other characters’ reactions and McDiarmid’s subtle performance and dialogue, making it more effective. The only hint we get to his character before we see him in Return of the Jedi is Vader telling an Imperial commander that the Emperor is coming for a tour, and the Imperial commander changes his position from complaints about being understaffed in making the second Death Star operational to stating nervously “We’ll double our efforts.” Vader adds that the Emperor is less forgiving than he is (Vader having killed several of his subordinates by Force choking for failing him). Just the commander’s reaction is enough to send the message to the audience that the Emperor is a scary guy. However, when we see him, he is a seemingly frail, old man who uses a cane. For most of the film, Palpatine never showed anger or disapproval, if anything he seemed genial and calm, but with an undercurrent of menace. However, like it was with Yoda, one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, as this appearance was just a front. Palpatine demonstrated how dangerous he actually was when he did get angry, and shot lightning from his fingertips at Luke as his true nature came out. He chillingly stated “And now young Skywalker, you will die,” showing a certain coldness towards the act of killing this person, and then he gave a slight smile right showing that he was enjoying inflicting pain on him. It was a look that in a matter of seconds went from one of sadistic pleasure to uncontrollable rage as he resumed electrocuting Luke. 

Snoke’s treatment lacked that subtlety and nuance. We just see him bully Hux and Kylo around with his Force powers, as opposed to keeping his power hidden until the final moment, and we don’t see any of the characters give any real reactions towards him when he is mentioned that make an impression. Having him shown only once briefly via Holonet in Force Awakens at the end when Hux goes to him for instructions once Starkiller Base is blowing up, and having Hux in the next film show some fear when told Snoke wanted to speak with him after the loss of the Dreadnaught and the Resistance’s escape would have done a better job of selling the threat of this villain.

There is also the case of how Snoke dies, as Kylo killing him doesn’t have the same impression or impact as Vader killing Palpatine. For starters, it wasn’t surprising given how horrible he had been to Kylo in the film, going so far as to use Force lightning on him while Palpatine on the surface seemed to be very chummy with Vader, addressing Vader as an old friend and acting like the wise mentor to him. It made it that much more surprising when Vader turned on him. Snoke is killed when Kylo manipulates the lightsaber on his throne to cut him in half. While I admit that is a cunning and creative maneuver on Kylo’s part, it comes a little too easy. When Palpatine was electrocuting Luke, the camera focused on Vader’s face, and even though we couldn’t see his face through the mask, we could tell he was being affected by seeing his son writhing and screaming in agony. Vader then looked back and forth from Luke to Palpatine, showing he was choosing between his mentor and his son. Kylo had no such moment with Rey. 

But then it is revealed that Snoke wasn’t the true villain of the series, but Palpatine. Abrams tries to have Palpatine become the main villain in a way that is pretty half-assed, as he basically just shoehorned him in.

12. Bringing Back Palpatine

The main villain of the Rise of Skywalker turns out to be the main villain of the previous two trilogies: Palpatine. Admittedly, Palpatine is one of my top two favorite characters in Star Wars, and it was always great to see Ian McDiarmid play him on-screen. He was the main highlight in the prequels; I could look at each scene he’s in, and write an essay or at least a few paragraphs about just that one scene. His character seemed out of place in this one. 

For starters, they just shoehorned him into this film without him even being mentioned in the first two. At least in the original trilogy, by the time we see him in person in Return of the Jedi, Palpatine had previously been mentioned in the first film, A New Hope, and later introduced via Holonet in Empire Strikes Back, which provided plenty of build up towards his appearance in the third film. He played a key role in the story as he was the dark side counterpart to Yoda, founder of the tyrannical Empire, the one who turned Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader, and was seeking to do the same to Luke. He was the personification of temptation towards the dark side and the Empire, the devil himself, who along with Vader was the final trial Luke needed to face before becoming a Jedi. In the prequel trilogy, Palpatine was the main villain in plain sight all along who was masquerading as the friendly Supreme Chancellor while he was Darth Sidious in the background pulling strings, and slowly turning the Old Republic into the Empire. In the sequel trilogy, he is introduced at the eleventh hour just to give Kylo and Rey something to unite against, and serve as the main antagonist. He didn’t contribute at all to the plot in the first two films. 

In my opinion, he should have stayed dead. It seemed more fitting in that despite being the most successful Sith lord in history, having gone where no Sith has gone before by conquering the Galactic Republic and wiping out the Jedi Order, Palpatine still succumbed to the tradition of the Rule of Two, and like his predecessors was killed by his apprentice. The man who destroyed countless lives and betrayed so many people in his rise to power as well as after from the Separatists and senators to his apprentices, himself met his end by betrayal. By making him alive, Abrams also made Vader’s sacrifice in Return of the Jedi less meaningful. Vader originally found himself in choosing between the light (Windu) and the dark (Palpatine), chose the latter largely to save someone he cared about, his wife, and nearly wiped out the Jedi Order. He found himself in the same situation again, choosing between the light represented by Luke and the dark, again represented by Palpatine, and he chooses the former this time for the same reason: to save someone he cared about, his son. In the end, he turns again and in his last act destroys the Sith line, killing the last of the Sith lords, and ending Palpatine’s reign of terror for good and all. He thus fulfills his role as the Chosen One . . . only, whoops, turns out Palpatine survived, and the Chosen One didn’t actually do shit. Some do argue that Anakin did bring balance to the Force for a time, but if Palpatine was the cause of the imbalance and he survived only to be defeated permanently by Rey, then Anakin didn’t truly bring back balance to the Force, Rey did. 

Also, I had trouble following his plan. I mean in the prequels you could follow his plans and actions, and see the logic behind them. In the Phantom Menace, he had the Trade Federation invade his planet of Naboo so he could simultaneously get Supreme Chancellor Valorum removed from office, and use the sympathy vote over his planet being the one blockaded to win the race for Supreme Chancellor. In Attack of the Clones, he had Dooku hire Jango Fett to assassinate Amidala, since he was the cloning template for the clone army, and he knew Obi-wan would eventually track Fett down to Kamino and discover the clone army that would be used to fight the Separatists. He had Dooku create the Confederacy of Independent Systems so he could ignite a galactic civil war, and use it to have the Senate give him emergency powers that combined with the clone army could eventually be used to crown himself Emperor and wipe out the Jedi. In Revenge of the Sith, he revealed to Anakin that he was a Sith knowing that Anakin would tell the Jedi, and they would come to try and arrest or kill him, providing Palpatine the purported justification for issuing Order 66.

In Rise of Skywalker, he told Kylo to kill Rey. He then told Rey he expected her to come, and that his plan was for his spirit to go into her body. He then used both Kylo and Rey’s life forces to heal fully. I’m sorry, but what was his plan exactly? If the plan involved Rey in any capacity, why didn’t he just tell Kylo to bring Rey to him? If he needed to use both their life forces, sending Kylo to kill Rey would just result in at least one of them dying, and if it was just Rey he wanted, it would risk her being killed.

I wouldn’t have opposed seeing Palpatine in Rise of Skywalker, but as a Force vision a la Luke’s experience in the cave on Dagobah in Empire Strikes Back. 

Then, there was the way Abrams handled him. Instead of not mentioning him, and just saving his reveal for the third act after some building up, Abrams just reintroduces him in the opening. It doesn’t have the same effect. Palpatine also was most effective by being subtle and nuanced with an undercurrent of menace, which clearly wasn’t present in this film. He didn’t feel as threatening as he did in Episodes VI and III. He was also disposed of too easily, all it took was Rey to cross two lightsabers in front of her, to deflect his Force lightning back at him. 

With Palpatine, Abrams and Disney just brought back something beloved by fans with no real reason to other than as a cheap throwaway to sell tickets, and proceeded to use it in a half-assed way without any real regard for or understanding of it’s role and importance. The way they treated Palpatine is a perfect symbol for how they treated the entire Star Wars series. 

My problems with Rey

I want to like Rey and I adore Daisy Ridley but her character was poorly written. There is very little development at all. It feels like everyone involved wanted Rey to be this strong female character without any build up or achieving an arc or struggles as a character, so style over substance. Instead of writing a great arc for Rey in TFA, JJ decided oh so brilliantly the best way to write Rey was to make her a mystery(mYsTeRy bOx) and her lack of development is even worse in TLJ. The other issue is Daisy doesn’t think Rey should have any flaws and that’s the problem. So here are my issues with Rey

Note. I’m not going to make the claim that she’s a ‘Mary Sue’ What I will claim though, is she is extremely overpowered, in ways that Luke and Anakin were not. They had special abilities sure, which was explained by them being ‘strong with the force. But they also had fatal flaws, they had obstacles to overcome -and what kept you interested in what was going to happen to them. Rey, besides being overpowered and hyper-competent, is pretty much well liked by everyone she meets (Luke and Anakin were not). She also seems to have no trials, tribulations, obstacles, or character weaknesses that force her to grow (Luke and Anakin both did).

Here are my issues with how they chose to write Rey’s character throughout the Sequel Trilogy

Rey selflessly chooses not to give away BB-8. Rey grew up on Jakku, dog eat dog world. She had no reason to be selfless on that planet. I do love Rey, but it really makes no sense that a person who was raised on a ruthless and violent planet of thieves and scavengers, abandoned and lived the life of a scavenger who barely makes enough to survive. It doesn’t work that she would be selfless and was willing to pass up all that food for a droid she just met. So I think it would help if Rey starts off as a mix of Han Solo and Jyn Erso. Someone who only cares about her own survival and is consumed by her own trauma but learns to overcome her trauma, start caring for other people and something bigger than herself. This would be shown by having Rey sell BB-8 and later after meeting Finn, she learns of the importance of the droid and she feels guilt and fights to get BB-8 back and learn to fight for something bigger than herself. That I think would’ve improved her arc in TFA

Rey perfectly flies The Falcon despite not flying a ship. In the movie she says she’s never flown before and doesn’t know how she did it. In The novel she says she flew ships at night and simulation. That’s all well and good, but if you choose to explain things in the novel, but not in the movie. Then you deliberately chose not to explain how a scavenger who never leaves the planet knows how to fly the Millennium Falcon.

She pulls off maneuvers and mechanical tricks that not even Han Solo could think of and a scene later he is dumbfounded and astonished by Rey

Being mentally probed by Kylo Ren is not a convincing nor acceptable excuse for her to somehow “get the idea to try using the same technique”. It doesn't work that way. it has never worked that way. Kylo Ren had to train all his life with Luke and adulthood with Snoke. All of a sudden, just because Rey turned the probe back on Kylo, she gained mastery over the force? Like Han Solo said "That's not how the force works" You can’t mind trick someone without knowledge of how to do it. You do not just magically figure it out on conjecture and a hunch…. and I don’t care if she failed the first time she attempted it. That doesn’t make up for it. Further, Rey should not know how to use a lightsaber, let alone be able to use it against someone who seems to actually have training with such a weapon.  It makes little sense for a lightsaber to be usable in any meaningful way by someone without formal training in its use. The thing is supposed to have a powerful gyroscopic force that makes it unwieldy when it is activated, requiring use of the Force to control it. Furthermore, all the weight is in the hilt, which also makes it unwieldy by that fact alone. An untrained user has a greater chance of hurting themselves than another person. they sure as hell can’t deflect blaster shots with it without use of the Force.

Effortlessly beats Kylo. Rey has no prior training. Never held a lightsaber. Rey fighting off thieves with her quarterstaff is not the same thing, it is understandable that Kylo was struggling because of his injuries, but Rey didn’t struggle against Kylo. Even Luke struggled with Vader and Anakin struggled with Dooku. What should have happened is as it looks like Kylo is about to win, Chewie from the Falcon fires his bowcaster to keep Ren at bay and both Rey and Finn make it to the Falcon. This way we can keep Kylo Ren strong and show Rey struggling to overcome Kylo. It will also show This is how powerful he is when injured, so imagine him at his peak. Instead we get a pointless fight instead of Rey and Finn just escaping Starkiller base while Ren collapses due to injuries and Rey beating Kylo served no purpose(the end goal to destroy Starkiller Base was already accomplished) and helped derail their villain of the trilogy.

The lack of a Hero's Journey. Imagine the traditional Hero's journey but take away any growth or struggle. Just teleport to the end. That's Rey

Rey hugs Leia. Leia hugging Rey out of nowhere instead of Chewie just doesn’t work. Why is she hugging and grieving with someone she just met when Chewie is right there?

Everything TFA was building her up was instantly ignored. How Maz got the Skywalker lightsaber? Never mentioned again. How Rey was drawn to the Skywalker lightsaber and what the force vision was meant to mean? Never addressed. Rey says that she’s classified information, “none of your business” Then her parents are revealed as junk traitors who sold her for drinking money and died in Jakku. If her parents were just junkers, how did they afford that space ship if they spent the money on booze? All that build up for nothing. The force can come from anyone, we all feel it but you build Rey up only to do nothing with her.

Rey has no character arc in TLJ. Rey doesn’t learn anything and I don’t feel like she has a character arc or journey. She starts her journey in TFA and I was excited to learn where her character would go. And TLJ does nothing with Rey. I do love Rey, but I don’t feel like it truly tests Rey and forces her to grow as a character. Rey is intriguing and we care for her, but her journey feels non existent. Luke and Anakin had struggles and journeys. I just don’t feel it from Rey. While learning the truth is a struggle for Rey, she already knows. She knew her parents, it really is not that big of a reveal. I am really disappointed with how TLJ handles Rey. Rey doesn’t have any struggles. Rey is all powerful and she is the same character she is from TFA.

Rey has a connection and starts to trust Kylo Ren…when only ONE DAY passes since Kylo has tortured her, killed Han Solo, and injured Finn. Rey then seeks comfort in the same man who has done nothing but hurt her instead of Luke. There’s a difference between being “forgiving” and there’s being blindly gullible. She went from wanting to kill him to believing he’s “our last hope”….for reasons. If there were a time skip, I could understand this change of heart, but one day passes and suddenly there is a change of heart?

Rey’s stupidity in TLJ. Rey’s plan. Rey has some vision of Kylo Ren deciding to help her out and locks herself in a box to fly straight to him, with no escape plan or regard for her own safety. As bad as JJ chose to develop Rey, I will admit that Rey is adaptable. Rey makes plans and strategizes. She has been raised as a scavenger, working hard for every day of survival and fighting for every item in her possession. While Luke and Anakin throw caution to the wind in order to succeed, Rey keeps a level head and fights her way through things. TLJ acts like that version of Rey doesn’t exist. 

Rey and Kylo Ren displays “raw power” in the force and doesn’t use that raw power to end the Throne Room fight against The Praetorian Guards sooner than it should have ended, instead resulting in the absolute worst fight in Star Wars history. There is no tension in the scene and it is pointless. Kylo Ren and Rey are fighting a faceless a group of guards that we know absolutely nothing about and have literally no purpose in the entire story except for this one fight. We know neither of the characters are going to die because these are just faceless red shirts and there is still like 30 to 40 minutes left of the movie. There are times where you can tell that some of the guards are just waiting their turn to fight and in one shot the editor literally digitally removed a knife from one of the guard’s hands because it would make no sense why he didn’t just stab Rey. There are multiple times where Rey, Kylo and the guards are just doing motions and actions because they look cool but serve no purpose but to look cool. Kylo stabbing the ground? Pointless. Rey twirling her rave stick around while someone falls behind her, pointless. Another annoying thing is that both of the characters are acting like they don’t have monumentally strong force powers. Hell, both of them get into a force tug of war right after the fight. Kylo can freeze people in place and stop blaster fire in mid air. Not even  once do we see them displaying their powers is what cheapens the fight. Kylo Ren is powerful enough to freeze a blaster and a person in place and Rey herself unlocked Kylo’s powers, so the two of them could have easily ended the fight sooner than it was dragged out. Kylo is powerful in the force but he SERIOUSLY could not stop a Praetorian Guard choke holding him and Rey struggled with a guard? Rey and Kylo were stronger in TFA and are just made weaker in the duel with the Praetorian Guards. Kylo could have frozen half of the guards and Rey could have mind tricked the other half into killing the frozen guards and Kylo and Rey could have finished them. They are masters of light and darkness, but they are made weaker.

Rey openly trusts a murderer and a proven liar because “they touched hands” and is surprised that said lying murderer wants to kill her friends and the very cause she believed in and only used her to kill Snoke. Rey then openly believes that said lying murderer about her parents being nobodies who died on Jakku when Rey is seen visibly watching her parents fly away. Rey KNOWS who her parents are, she does not need to hear it from Kylo Ren. Here’s the thing. Rey never wanted her parents to be anyone special. Rey never thought or wanted her parents to be important in TFA, she was literally going to pass up adventure and being important to stay on Jakku because she wanted a family. She didn't want to be important, the audience wanted her to be. Rian Johnson couldn't tell the fucking difference.. Rey knew who her parents were, she did not need to hear it from Kylo Ren. She did not want or need her parents to be anyone special, she just wanted them home. Rey sure is willing to believe someone who has done nothing but lie and hurt her over and over again.

My big issue with how TLJ handles Rey, is she does not learn anything. She was awakened by Kylo’s mind melding and has his powers transferred to her, she doesn’t even earn her powers on her own, it’s all from Kylo. She has the powers of the man who's been trying to kill her and her friends, she doesn't learn anything on her own nor is it her own awakening. Your big feminist icon has to learn everything from a man that’s been harming her from day one. How empowering....please kill me. She doesn’t learn anything from Luke and she feels like the same character in The Force Awakens. We see Luke showing Rey to feel the force and the Jedi’s hubris. The third lesson was deleted, but we did not really get to see Luke train her as a Jedi. Rey doesn’t learn anything. In the end we see Rey has the sacred Jedi texts, but Yoda pointed out that those texts were holding back the Jedi and doesn’t teaches her what she doesn’t already know. SO in the end, Rey doesn’t learn anything and that’s the problem.

The lifting rocks scene. Rey lifting the big rocks like they’re pebbles without even a hint of struggling physically drives me insane in the worst way because even if she’s powerful, so was Yoda and Yoda had a problem lifting the debris to save Anakin and Obi-Wan. We see trained Jedi struggle to use the force in The Clone Wars and that was the Jedi AT THEIR PEAK. We see Ahsoka, Kanan and Ezra struggling to use the force successfully in Rebels. Luke Skywalker struggled to stack those couple of small rocks on Dagobah and couldn’t lift his X-wing out of the water either, which I think would be pretty comparable to the weight of all those boulders. I love Rey and I want her to be strong but holy shit was that just completely unbelievable to me, she wasn’t even breaking a sweat and the fact that her smiling and running to Finn didn't break her concentration and crushing anyone coming out of that cave is completely laughable. Just look at similar characters in similar situations who show struggle and what Rey should’ve looked like during the boulder scene.

Rey in TROS looks like nothing ever changed. The same type of outfit from The Force Awakens, the same Lightsaber and the same hairstyle. Like nothing ever happened or changed. Like nothing ever changed. God forbid Rey looks like a mix of a Jedi Knight and Resistance Leader, godforbid Rey builds her own lightsaber, especially a Saberstaff. It’s almost as if JJ and Lucasfilm are afraid to develop Rey as a character and let her look different at all….*sighs*

And the big problem is we are expected that Rey will learn everything off screen….that’s the problem. You cannot just have a character who can do all these amazing feats, show her not being trained as a Jedi and make her even more powerful in the final movie with no build up whatsoever. Luke had like 3 years after ESB to learn more to become a Jedi Knight. This is why there should have been time skips. Three years of training with Luke on Ach-To and they return to The Resistance. 5 years pass in between TLJ and TROS and Rey has become a Jedi master. Instead we are expected to believe Rey has learned everything in the Jedi Texts in just a year.

When we first see Rey in the movie, she is levitating with the rocks while meditating. Just...what the hell? In all 6 movies and in the clone wars. We witness Jedi meditating, but not once do we see them meditating with rocks all around them. This was basically JJ Abrams “Hey fuck you, you think Rey’s overpowered? Well too fucking bad” The first moment I saw this scene, I knew the movie was going to be complete and utter bullshit

Rey’s lack of empathy for BB-8′s injuries after dropping a tree on the droid

Rey thinks she needs to earn Anakin’s Lightsaber....despite being an overpowered demigod

Despite wielding the force, Rey uses a blaster on the Stormtroopers

Rey suddenly learns force healing after only a year? Force Healing takes a long time of learning, but Rey just knows it because the plot demands it

Instead of talking and realizing they are both being used by Palpatine, Rey constantly goes apeshit and fights Kylo Ren every chance she gets

Rey accidentally kills Chewbacca(oh but not really because JJ doesn’t wanna make Rey a morally grey character)

One fight with Zorri Bliss and they’re good.....okay, sure, fine.

Rey, Finn and Poe treat C-3PO nothing but contempt and annoyance and suddenly he “takes one last look at his friends”

Rey is now Palpatine’s granddaughter. No build up or hints, she’s suddenly NOW Palpatine’s granddaughter, you know Rey nobody worked better despite my problems with it. But no, JJ the man who literally only has a job because of his family won’t let anyone come from nothing and build themselves into being a hero, she has to be related to the literal Satan of this universe.

Rey faces her inner darkness and Dark!Rey her face looks like Pregnant Bella Swan and has shark teeth....I wish I weren’t making this bullshit up.

Despite Ben being emotionally distraught by Leia’s death, Rey uses this opportunity to kill him. But only being too late does she realize she did the wrong thing and heals him.

Rey tells Finn. “People keep telling me they know me. No one does” That’s the problem. It’s three movies, we still don’t know Rey. We don’t know her because the movies haven't taken the time to actually get us to know anything substantial about her. By movie three of both the OT and the PT, we already knew the major conflicts/obstacles and dilemmas that drove both Anakin and Luke to take the respective paths they were currently walking. By the third movie in the sequel trilogy I still don’t know what Rey’s motivations are, why she has stake in anything or why Rey is a nice person when she grew up on a planet like Jakku. We still know nothing about Rey and that’s a problem

Rey constantly treats her friends as afterthoughts and extra baggage 

Rey attempts to go to Ach-To to exile herself and suddenly Luke appears. This movie attempts to paint the picture that Luke and Rey had this great relationship. She even calls him “Master Skywalker” Rey and Luke did  not have a good relationship. They barely even fucking train for like 3 days. She slices a rock in half, looks at some books, then argues with Luke and runs away. Even in a deleted scene, their third lesson. Rey shows nothing but disgust in Luke. But now they are a loving master and padawan? SINCE FUCKING WHEN???????

Luke lifts Luke’s old X-Wing because nostalgia and Mark’s fuck you to Rian. And Rey flies it because JJ desperately wants Rey to be the female Luke Skywalker

Rey is able to destroy the Emperor. Palpatine has the ability to destroy ENTIRE SPACE FLEETS WITH FORCE LIGHTNING and somehow Rey is able to send it back to him and destroy him. “I am all the Jedi” bullfuckingshit

“I’m Rey...Rey Skywalker” Rey didn’t need to be a Palpatine or take the Skywalker name. This isn’t me hating on Rey. Rey can be a great character by standing on her own. Rey being related to NO ONE was powerful and shows us that even someone who came from Jakku can be a powerful Jedi. She doesn’t earn anything on her own. She downloaded all of Kylo’s abilities. She took the Falcon, she made Chewbacca her personal uber, she took BB-8 from Poe and buried Anakin and Leia’s lightsaber on the literal symbolic oppression of the Skywalker family instead of something peaceful like Naboo or Ach-To. She has her own Lightsaber, but never uses it. Rey being a Palpatine and taking the Skywalker name undoes the beautiful story the revelation TLJ had does. She didn’t need to be a Palpatine and she didn’t need to take the Skywalker name or even their relics. Rey Nobody works. Here’s why. Rey’s story is her own, it is not her parents, it is not about where she came from, it’s about where she is going, and who she decides to become. Maz Kanata said “The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is in front of you.” Rey in the TFA trailers said “I’m no one” Rey never thought or wanted her parents to be important in TFA, she was literally going to pass up adventure and being important to stay on Jakku because what she wanted was her family to finally come home. She didn't want to be important or wanted her parents to be important. The audience wanted that. Any more lingering discussion of the possibility of Rey’s parents being ‘somebody’ only is distracting you from the actually beautiful story that is being told. Rey is a story of a girl who raised herself, who held onto hope for people who didn’t deserve it, she is a story of how light can be born from darkness, and Rey is story of someone who was scared of her own truth—but then finally faced it. Rey being a Nobody is the story I was skeptical of at first, but grew to love, the story that gives me more hope than any Rey Skywalker or Rey Solo story ever would. Rey calling herself "Rey Skywalker" was so forced and unnecessary because all the whiny pissants did not like that a girl was skilled and powerful in her own right and because Rey did not have a good relationship with Luke in the first place. JJ was so set in just making Rey a Luke clone that it just undoes character development. If Rey had to take a name, Solo or Organa would make the most sense since she actually had a relationship with Han, Leia and Ben. Say what you want about how RIan Johnson handled Rey in TLJ. At least he treated Rey like her own person, with her own journey, and her own desires and fears, rather than consigning her to be a vessel for OT nostalgia. And at least he allowed her to actually have a new outfit and new hair style. At least he let her change. Like him or not, Rian Johnson treated Rey with more respect and identity than JJ Abrams ever did. It means more than making her related to anyone because Rey was every lonely girl who wanted to be a part of something but didn't feel like they belonged. Every woman who learned to make her way in the world alone. Every person who clung to hope when they had nothing left. She is so many things to so many people. Rey Nobody can be fierce, angry and powerful without it connecting to a man or evil bloodline. She can love, be curious and emotional without being weak. She is a scavenger, a Jedi, and one half of a powerful Dyad. She is Rey of Jakku and that's all we needed. Rey calling herself a Skywalker denied her every last inch of who she was. Her character arc was ruined to please men that thought her power needed to be connected to a man for it to make sense. All we needed her arc to be was Rey accepting that she needs to be her own hero and loving herself for who she is, rather than who she wanted her hypothetical parents to be. And honestly Rey in TROS was a huge disappointment. Her entire character arc was regressed, she's back to wearing the buns and dressed all in white and sticks to the glorification of the Jedi. It's like everything she learned in the last movie never happened. And honestly her character in TROS  is what men think a "strong female character" is She fights, but they don’t have to deal with her processing internal pain. She loves, but they don’t have to deal with her fully exploring her desires. She’s a “badass,” & for them that is enough. When I say "A Palpatine is left and steals the legacy of the Skywalkers" I am not suggesting she doesn't deserve the title. I am saying that essentially, Palpatine won. Anakin, Padme, Luke, Han, Leia and Ben are all dead. Leia died for nothing. Leia deserved to see her son come home, and to see the end of the monster who ruined her family. She didn’t deserve to feel her child die. The entire line of the family is now extinct. The wiki even says "the extinction of the family name" what kind of depressing garbage is this? JJ Abrams ended the entire Skywalker saga on Palpatine successfully using love to manipulate, corrupt, hurt or kill every single Skywalker across three generations, ultimately resulting in the total eradication of the Skywalker, Solo and Amidala bloodlines, whilst Palpatine's heir lives on and claims the Skywalker name and legacy. Rey calling herself "Rey Skywalker" was patronizing and insulting and demeans what Rey's journey meant in the first two movies to everyone who loved her. Rey coming from Jakku and nothing but rising up as a heroic Jedi means more than "you have his power...you are a Palpatine" or "Rey Rey Skywalker" ever will. Women Of The Galaxy author Amy Ratcliffe says it best. “Even beyond the trappings of the Star Wars saga — the First Order, the Resistance, the Force — Rey’s story is inspiring, familiar, and timeless. Just because you come from nothing doesn’t mean you’re not part of the story. You’re not no one, because anybody can save the galaxy. Anybody.“

Compare Rey and Luke’s journeys in ANH and TFA. Rey wanders around and stuff is handed to her. Luke takes initiative and works for what he has. Let's compare ANH with TFA

Luke screws up on watching R2, then chooses to chase him down. He makes another mistake by spying on the Tusken Raiders instead of getting the hell out of dodge. This leads to him being knocked out, and rescued by Ben Kenobi.

Luke initiates the meeting with Ben Kenobi, and it happens because of his early bad decisions.

His aunt & uncle are killed, but thanks to his screw-up with R2 & the raiders, he and the droids are spared.

He chooses to follow Kenobi to Alderaan instead of staying on Tattooine.

He chooses to accept Kenobi's instruction in the ways of the Force, even though most people think it's a myth and a joke. Even though he's bad at it and doesn't seem to get any results at first.

He makes the decision that they're going to rescue Leia, potentially dooming their escape from the Death Star. This sets off a chain of events that leads to Kenobi's death.

Then he chooses to help fight the Death Star, even though he's not a member of the rebellion. He was offered a job with Han, and he could have ensured his safety by leaving with them. Instead he chose certain death.

Finally, he chooses to trust a literal voice in his head instead of the targeting computer.

Let's contrast that with Rey.

BB-8 runs into her. She tries to send him away, but relents and lets him follow her home.

She chooses not to sell him for food.

Finn wanders into camp on his own initiative.

The camp is attacked because BB-8 is there. The camp would have been attacked no matter what Rey did. The other scavenger was, I'm pretty sure, from the same camp. And if she'd sold him, BB-8 would also have still been in the camp.

She is forced to take the Millennium Falcon when the ship she wanted to use was blown up.

She chooses to go with Finn and bring BB-8 to the Rebellion Resistance.

She stumbles upon Luke's lightsaber, and runs away from it.

She accidentally runs into Kylo Ren while hiding in the forest.

He chooses to kidnap her because he senses something special about her.

After her first exposure to the Force, she learns how to use some of it, successfully, and escapes from Ren. And to her credit, escaping and trying the Force out is a choice she made, rather than something that passively happened to her.

Then she, um, is standing there when Han is killed.

She chooses to fight Kylo Ren, and beats him in her first lightsaber battle after closing her eyes and thinking about the Force.

She sort of chooses to go summon Luke back to civilization - I say sort of because it's not clear why she was picked to go over, say, Leia.

Luke makes mistakes, and he is an active participant in his story. Rey is just kind of there, most of the time. She doesn't make mistakes, but she doesn't really do much else.

Here is a thought, what are Rey’s motivations?

Rey wants to find her parents.

Rey wants to do the right thing.

Wants to bring back Luke Skywalker

Rey wants to find her place 

She wants to suck Ben’s tiddies. Wants Ben to return to the light, home and to call off the fleet

Has no real motivation to be on either side of the conflict, but chooses The Resistance anyway

Says she wants to kill Palpatine in cold blood, was close to giving in

What are Anakin's motivations?

Wants to leave a life of slavery and come back and free his mother

Wants to become a Jedi and become a hero

Wants to protect Padme

Wants to save Obi-Wan

Wants to stop Dooku and end the war before it can begin

Wants to be a good master to Ahsoka

Wants to clear Ahsoka’s name

Wants to stop the war

Wants to save Padme and his children's lives at the cost of the Jedi and doing whatever it takes and becomes Darth Vader

What are Luke’s motivations?

Luke is a farm boy who dreams of leaving his mundane life.

Luke discovers that his father -unlike what his uncle told him, was a heroic Jedi Knight

Luke, is reluctant and refuses the ‘call to adventure’, but after the Empire murders his Aunt and Uncle, he decides to Join Obi-Wan on the quest.

Save the Princess

Luke is angered by Obi-Wan’s death at the hands of Darth Vader, and seeks retribution.

Destroy the Death Star and save the Rebellion

To be trained by Yoda

Save Han and Leia

Luke discovers his father, the heroic Jedi, is none other than Darth Vader. After years of training, he sets out to redeem his father and turn him back to the light.

Rey has no personal stake in this war or motivations and she’s supposed to be the main protagonist.

Rey has never left Jakku before TFA and she tells Han that ”she never knew so much green existed” when they go to Maz’s castle.

In other words Rey must have had very limited knowledge of the world outside of Jakku and all she has heard from it are stories.

Rey who barely knows anything about the rest of the galaxy, to the point that she didn’t even know that forests existed what exactly is her personal stake in the current galactic conflict?

In TFA we saw The New Republic’s capital systems blown up by Starkiller Base and we never saw a reaction from Rey. We do see Finn and Han’s reactions. Also worth noting about Rey is that if she was unconscious throughout her involuntary travel to the Starkiller Base she was never actually aware of the Starkiller Base until just before Han, Finn and Chewie started planting the explosions in order to sabotage it.

Luke while he had no personal attachments to Aldeeran did actually get to see the horrible aftermaths of it’s destruction.

But Rey was barely affected by the destruction of the Capital systems. Most characters were not as affected as they should have been in my opinion but we didn’t even get to see her have an emotional reaction to it.

This was probably the greatest genocide in Star Wars history and our main hero is unaffected by it? Finn has a reaction to it and he’s supposedly NOT the main protagonist?

Rey really has no reason to care about the state of the galaxy. She only seems to care if people she knows are in danger.

The fact that she is supposed to be our main hero of this trilogy when she has next to no personal stakes in the well-being of the rest of the galaxy feels wrong to me.

Finn actually has stakes in this conflict since the FO took his family and childhood away from him and Poe has stakes because he actually lives in the New Republic and doesn’t want it to be under FO’s rule. Yet neither Finn nor Poe are considered the main protagonist? But oh wait, I forgot we can’t have a black or Latino man be the leading protagonist in Star Wars

The big issue I have with Rey as a character is she is a boring, lazily written character with a complete lack of development, barely any motivations and not a believable protagonist.

Rey is not allowed to have flaws or personal struggles or has a real hero’s journey. Which is disappointing because I truly loved having Star Wars be centered around a female lead and feel like it’s a missed opportunity. It’s not Daisy’s fault, I feel like the blame lies with Disney. I’m not sure if Disney got cold feet with a female protagonist and felt they would get backlash if they made her character naturally flawed but it’s storytelling 101 to have your protagonist faced with problems that aren’t easy to overcome and correlate to said flaws. Instead we got a hero who faces no real consequences, has no real goals, and can defeat everything in her path with abysmal training. Which ultimately makes for an extremely uninteresting hero. No hard training, no real consequences, no real flaws, no struggles or not even an arc and everything is handed to her. It just makes Episode IX predictable and boring. There is just not a reason to care to see what will happen with Rey. Finn and Poe are what’s keeping this trilogy alive, Finn had the most development in TFA, but someone decided "We can't have Finn be the protagonist of this trilogy", so they sabotaged his character the moment Finn uttered the word "sanitation" and reduced him to the black comic relief in the next movie. Poe is the one person with the most development and shows heroism in TLJ and someone decided "we can't have Poe be the hero of the trilogy" and proceeded to demonize and belittle Poe throughout the entire movie. The point is Finn and Poe had the most potential and their potential was squandered to prop up Rey as the protagonist of the trilogy when no one has a reason to root for Rey. Disney just failed Rey as a character.

FILM-REVIEW #4: Return of the Jedi (1983)

As I stated in an earlier review, many Star Wars-fans consider the third installment in the original trilogy to be the weakest one. This is a bit awkward, since I consider it my personal favorite in the entire series. So what is it about this movie that has led me to elevate it to this status? Well, besides the fact it was the first main Star Wars-movie I ever saw, there's several other things about it that still has a greater appeal to me, even more so than The Empire Strikes Back (1980).

THE PLOT IS AS FOLLOWS: "A year has passed since the abduction of Han Solo, and his friends are doing everything in their power to save him from the clutches of the dastardly gangster Jabba the Hutt. In the meantime, the empire has kept itself busy with the construction of a new Death Star, which is looked over by the evil emperor. The heroes see this as an opportunity to put and end to the empire once and for all, by destroying the incomplete planet-destroyer and it's leader along with it. Luke Skywalker, now a full-fledged jedi knight, also has to ready himself to again face the fearsome Darth Vader in a final struggle, that may very well decide the future fate of the galaxy."

So where lies the great appeals of this movie? Well for one thing, each of the main characters evolved in a veryy threedimensional degree, in the way you would expect characters that has had three movies worth of adventures and hardships. One really feels that they have come quite a bit since we first saw them. Han Solo is now a brave commander, but is not above getting frustrated and annoyed in the highly entertaining Harrison Ford-way. Leia still kicks ass, but she also shows a more gentle and friendly side. However, the most signifant case of development would have to be with Luke, who having gone from being kind of a brat in A New Hope (1977), now displays an almost zen-like calm and confidence in his fighting capabilities and his usage of the force. However, he still displays strong feelings of compassion and anger, which gives him a lot of humanity. With Darth Vader it's no different, who while as threathening as before, feels like he through his connection with Luke has suddenly gained new dimensions. While he is still clearly not a good guy, he is succesfully depicted in a more sympathetic light without it feeling like a retcon of his role in the previous films. This works partially because of his connection with Luke, but also because when standing next to the menacing and insidious emperor Palpatine, he feels like the lesser evil in the room. It is also intriguing to see someone like Luke, basically the white knight, see that there's still hope for him, the dark knight. Nobody else but Luke can see this, not even Darth Vader himself believes there's anything good still in him, which creates a strong dynamic between the two.

There's almost a swashbuckling sort of feeling to the action scenes. The scene were Luke is fighting his way across Jabba's ship, dodging laser blasts, swinging his sword and pushing alien criminals off the ship has the grand inventiveness of a really good Errol Flynn-film. Then there's what I consider the best lightsaber duel in the original trilogy, between Luke and Vader. Besides the choreography being at least as impressive as in the last film, there's just so much emotion between them as they fight; you really get the feeling of the stakes being so fricking high at this point that everything hangs on the outcome of it.

It is also here where we see the most creature-effects. The scenes in Jabba's palace alone is full of alien species, some with designs so out of the box that they feel like they could be a part of someones fever-dream. As a big fan of inventive creature design, this really speaks to me. And speaking of effects, the space battles are really phenomenal to see here. The sequence where the Falcon flies through the interior of the second Death Star is amazing; its mind-boggling that this scene were accomplished using mainly practical effects with only a little polish added to it. Though while we're at it, the Special Edition-changes here range between subtle and well-done, to downright cringe-worthy. For instance, while I can understand that they wanted to make the sarlacc-pit a bit more intimidating and animated, I don't think adding a trunk with a duckmouth was such a good idea.

The movie, as expected, does have a fair share of flaws. While it doesn't quite have the slow pace of A New Hope, it does drag on with several detours in the story, such as when they save Han Solo. While this part of the movie is awesome, it does go on a little too long and doesn't really connect all that much to the rest of the movie. There's also the issue of repeat: destroying another super-destroyer weapon feels a bit repetitive.   Another common critique is against the Ewoks, who are basically tribal Carebears with a hankering for human flesh. Based on that sentence alone though I have to say they've never really bothered me that much because they add something to the story, fighting against the empire in inventive ways. Though when one really thinks about it, having a bunch of teddybears being what ultimately overpowers the empire, which has been established as this really threathening, fascist force of power, it does feel a little too cute. It's like having the muppets beat up the third reich; it's a bit hard to take it seriously.

All in all, is it the ultimate conclusion that one could have had to this trilogy? Even die hard Star Wars-fans usually say no, but for all the little flaws that adds up here, all the strengths add up to a much bigger pile in my opinion.

Another thing worth mentioning though is the sort of post-critique one could add to this movie and it's ending now knowing what will happen to the characters in the sequels. I will be brief about that here, since it feels more appropriate to deal with that in the reviews of respective installments. One thing in particular that fans like to bring up about the sequels in relation to this installment in particular is that it kind of ruins what is ultimately a happy ending. While I can't say I don't understand what they mean, I still always assumed that if they were to make direct sequels, that would be what we'd be in for. It is called Star WARS after all, and if you're going back to war, it feels logival that some things don't end with a happily ever after. I don't think the fates of the characters in the Legends-continuity were like that either. If one keeps in mind that these are not just fantasy-films, but also war-films, I think it makes more sense. At least... From a certain point of view.  

With that said, the original trilogy finishes up with a rating of 8 out o 10. ---

The Last Jedi review, sorta

I don’t think I’ve talked enough (if at all) about what a huge Star Wars nerd I am on this blog, mostly because I didn’t love TFA as much as most people seemed to and I just never joined in the renewed fandom frenzy.

TL;DR on my views on TFA: It was fun enough, some interesting new characters, beautiful visuals, but I’d seen that movie before.  It came out in ‘77 and it was much better then.  Homage is one thing, rip off is completely another.  Mostly, I guess I was just disappointed that they didn’t dare to try and move the universe forward a bit, beyond the already trodden path.

Say what you will about the prequels, but I will always, always maintain there’s nothing wrong with them a better script and director couldn’t fix.  George tries, bless him, but he can’t write dialogue worth a damn.  Not even Meryl Streep could’ve made the line “So love has blinded you” any better than Natalie Portman did, and both she and Hayden have proven themselves to be much better actors than they were in Star Wars.  I’m not bothering with Ewan because he was one of the few really great things about the Prequels. 

That having been said, what George can do is weave a decent background story, and the Prequel Trilogy’s story is much, much richer than the OT’s.  Taking off our nostalgia-colored glasses for a moment, let us be honest: the OT was so successful because it did a very simple thing, and did it well, and had a cast with wonderful chemistry. The story itself is nothing to rave about: just your simple Evil Empire vs Plucky Rebels story.  But the Prequels actually got political and much darker than the OT did, they just did it clumsily.  Still, it was something new in the Star Wars universe and George always tried to expand the known worlds by giving us even small glimpses of other cultures and planets.  Don’t forget that Star Wars was never meant to be high-brow Science Fiction a la Philip Dick, but a space adventure.  This doesn’t mean that the story can’t have nuance, but the point of Star Wars was always to be a fairytale exploration of a fictional galaxy.

Compared to that, the new trilogy seemed extremely lacking to me.  And seeing The Last Jedi a few days ago really cemented that.  Never before have I seen so many things happening in one movie while nothing really happens at all.  It makes Attack of the Clones look interesting in comparison, and that’s saying a lot.  ALSO LUKE, WTF HAS THE MOUSE DONE TO MY SPACE SON, THE FUCKING GALL.

So yes, surprise-surprise, TLJ manages to rip off Empire (with a dash of Battlestar Galactica thrown in for good measure) and does so poorly.  It was not a terrible film by any means, but I honestly thought it was no better than Phantom Menace. And Phantom Menace had the Duel of Fates.  So. 

(okay, to be fair, TLJ didn’t have Jar Jar so that’s one point in its favor)

In a nutshell:

(cut for spoilers)

THE GOOD

- Poe.  Poe was good. Moar Poe, there was a serious lack of Poe in TFA and it has been rectified, this was a very good decision. 

- The silent scene.  Y’all know the one.  People in my theater literally gasped in unison.  I was bored outta my skull up until then and as soon as I realized what Holdo was about to do, I sat up, all ‘oshit’ and it was amazing.  Beautifully shot, beautifully clever, and the most badass hero death in the SW universe.  Only comes in second in terms of best scene in the movie because the other one involved a more established and beloved character.

- MY SON LUKE KICKING HIS NEPHEW’S ASS LIKE IT AIN’T NO BIG THANG.  In full disagreement over how shit went down between them in the past, but Luke showing Kylo who’s the most goddamn powerful Jedi in the galaxy (which Luke did canonically become in later years btw) was such a rewarding scene.  Also, he was dressed in black.  Like in ROTJ. Because fuck yeah.

- Rey’s parentage.  Most people probably hated that she’s not a Skywalker but I just... kinda loved the suggestion that she was the Force’s answer to Kylo?  It’s happened before with Anakin, so this isn’t exactly new, and Anakin, too, came from ‘nothing.’ I liked it.  She doesn’t have to have illustrious parentage to be important in the series, and as much as I love my Space Drama Queen clan, it’s time the universe moves on from the Kardashians of the galaxy.

- Luke’s death.  I don’t agree with 99% of what went down with Luke in this trilogy, I think it was deeply out of character, but his ending?  That was spot on.  Did I want more out of his storyline? Obviously, but examined in a vacuum, his ending was beautiful to me.  Especially that last scene.  Best scene in the movie from start to end.

- Yoda manipulating the goddamn heavens to rain thunder upon the ancient tree.  Ilu Yoda

- Leia and Holdo discussing Poe.  This was an A+++ short scene. Get it, ladies.

- Snoke is gone, thank the heavens.  Worst-named villain in movie history, I couldn’t stop laughing every time someone said SUPREME LEADER snoke.

- CRYSTAL FOXES OMG

- Luke getting his kicks in that boring-ass island via EXTREME ROD FISHING, lmao the nerd

THE MEH

- So, um... Kylo and Rey?  ....ew? (did they not think Finn and Rey were super cute or)

- So, um... Finn and Rose?  ....ookaaaay? (did they not see Poe biting down on his lip when he saw Finn in his jacket or)

- I don’t really care for ships in this trilogy tbh, whatever.  Guess I’m steering clear from attachment until I know who’s related to whom (THIS IS A DANGEROUS UNIVERSE TO SHIP IN OKAY).  Plus, not really feeling particularly strong toward any couple, just... not Kylo and Rey, ew.

- Rose.  I liked her, but... they hardly gave her anything to do.  That casino storyline was such a mess, made it seem like she was there just to be there.

- Finn’s storyline. Snoozefest.  I like him, but... see above.

- lol wtf happened to Chewie...? He was just... there?

THE BAD

- SPACE-WALKING LEIA.  I’M SORRY, OKAY, I know this scene will be big with many people, and lord knows I wanted to see Space Mom use the Force beyond that Spidey Sense shit, but this was just so dumb. 

- All the ‘humor.’ My god, just... no.  Not every scene needs to be steeped in Whedon-speak, please stahp.  I will admit the first scene got a chuckle out of me, but the rest...

- The ‘plot.’  This was literally an extended car chase scene in space with some Sense8 type shit thrown in. Rey hardly even did any training, ffs.  

- so the force-sensitive member of the trio goes on to be trained by a wise, isolated mentor and finds herself drawn to a place steeped in the dark side and ends up seeing only herself reflected in there, meanwhile the rest of the characters are involved in a chase across the galaxy, running away from the evil empire, and at some point decide to ask for help form a well-known swindler who betrays them and in the end everything seems bleak with just a tiny glimmer of hope. HMMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. 

- quite frankly, I’m still in shock Rey finished the film with two fully biological arms

- O hei, look, it’s The Salty planet Hoth.  With pod-racing.

- Really? Rey blushing at shirtless Kylo? Really

- WHERE IS FORCE GHOST ANAKIN TO GO “BINCH I REDEEMED MYSELF IN THE END STOP THIS SHIT, ALSO I DID THIS FIRST AND I DID IT BETTER” TO HIS WANNABE GRANDSON

- The whole damn Casino storyline.  I don’t care if it’s meant to set up something for the last movie (probably not) but it was long, boring, and a clumsily written attempt at a storyline that could’ve been more nuanced and a good addition.

- why did we have to see Luke milk that alien Y

- NOT ONE DECENT LIGHTSABER FIGHT THE FUQ.  

- Leia (and Han in TFA) giving up on her son instead of beating some sense into his ass with a space slipper. Y’ALL KNOW SHE WOULD.  Baaaaad characterization. Space Mom would never.

- Also, fuck whoever decided that Leia, who canonically has the exact same force potential as Luke because they’re twins, never developed her powers beyond Force Sense or whatever.  If you’re not gonna give the woman a lightsaber, at least have her Force Push fools out of her way. 

- Wtf Rey you obliterated that nice alien’s cart and didn’t even apologize they work hard every day you should be ashamed

- why was it meant to be funny when porgs were slapped around wtf

- “what’s that canon?”  “Basically a small death star” kjashKLAFJSHSAJKDFSADFHSAK 

- Kylo. Can he just die, plz, the expanded universe did the Evil Solo son storyline so much better.  Yet another way in which this trilogy is totes an ~*homage*~  No shade on the actor though, he did a great job.  It’s just the violent manchild character I cannot stand.

- So like... we’re never gonna learn what Snoke’s deal was...? Or how he got to Kylo...? ....Okay then.

- This movie was 2 and a half hours long.