#thanatophobia
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Living with thanatophobia is just like.... "wow i feel really happy today! ☺️" and then your brain follows it up with "someday soon you will never feel anything ever again 🙂"
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Kevin Conroy tribute by Damion Scott
#kevin conroy#rip kevin conroy#damion scott#batman#batman the animated series#btas#dc#death mention#death tw#tw death#death cw#cw death#thanatophobia tw#tw thanatophobia#thanatophobia cw#cw thanatophobia#thanatophobia
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I so desperately don't want to stop existing. I want to keep learning and thinking and feeling, I want to experience everything I possibly can, I want to see how the future looks. I try to live life to the fullest but I already had such a late start, being disabled and too poor to afford care until very recently. It was only through sheer luck that I was able to get to where I am now in life, and the second I started to really enjoy myself, I suddenly can't escape the knowledge that one day it will end. And life after death being the same as life before birth does not comfort me. I know what happened before I was born, I get to experience the past to a certain extent while I'm alive, but the future? I will never see the future. It feels like the world is ending, my chest gets tight, my heart starts beating so fast and loud in my ears, my brain gets cold and fuzzy, my fingertips go numb and tingly, and suddenly I'm hyperventilating and dizzy and sobbing on the floor.
There's just not enough time. I'm so young, only 26, and yet the past decade went by so fast it's like I was 16 and I blinked and now I'm close to 30. And sometimes, the fact that I'm so young also scares me. It means that the worst thing to happen to me probably hasn't happened yet. So many diseases I could get, accidents that could happen. And then BOOM, no more me. No more of everything I've ever known. I smoked heavily for 8 years, and even though I've now quit, what if those 8 years were enough to end me? I just hope that when I do die, I'm not aware that I'm about to die, because I know that I wouldn't enjoy my final seconds. I would be desperately clinging to life, begging a god I've never believed in to please let me stay a little longer. Please let me exist just for a few more hours, days, years. Don't take this away from me, please.
Sometimes I write in my journal little messages to future humans, where I give consent to bring me back. Just in case in some distant future they finally crack the code, please I give you permission, please bring me back, please give me another chance. I find myself imagining an ethics board of futuristic scientists all debating whether or not it's morally okay to bring past humans back to life. They will be using quantum computers to scan massive databases of archived journals written by ancient humans, and then they will find my little plea. And they'll bring me back.
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Thanatophobia Pride Flag
[IMAGE ID: a flag with five horizontal stripes with the central one being bigger. Their colors are, from top to bottom, grey, brown, white, grey and dark green. In the center of the flag there is a dark brown symbol of a skull. END ID]
[IMAGE ID: a flag with five horizontal stripes with the central one being bigger. Their colors are, from top to bottom, grey, brown, white, grey and dark green. END ID]
Thanatophobia: irrational fear of death. Can also be called death anxiety.
#tw death#death anxiety#thanatophobia#cardiophobia#illness anxiety#illness anxiety disorder#tw anxiety#phobia#phobia flag#redesign#recolor#design#flag design
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It’s bizarre to hear anyone talk about their experiences with their mortality or whatever, like, when they first conceived of death as a thing that could happen to Them Specifically, or like, when they started thinking about death more, and they mention like, their teen years, or their twenties, or their thirties, and I just… fundamentally cannot relate, because I first started conceiving of my own mortality when I was like 5 and my grandma died of brain cancer.
My parents got me a book for children that had entirely developmentally appropriate information on what death was and how to process it, of course it brought up all the important stuff like that everybody dies and death is normal and all that shit, but as we were atheists and the book was also, presumably, for atheists, when it discussed what happens after you die it mentioned that some people believe that nothing happens after you die, IE; you just stop existing.
And unfortunately, even at that age, I actually was entirely capable of understanding that “everybody dies eventually” also applied to me, and I put this together with the second bit of information that the book taught me, the concept of cessation of existence, and developed a lifelong crippling trauma.
Admittedly, it didn’t hit me in full force until my OCD got really severe in late elementary early middle school, but the idea of like, not having spent every night for years lying awake in crippling terror so severe it caused me actual physical burning pain over the fact that I have a finite ever decreasing time on Earth that even now is constantly ticking down with no way to stop it and no way to avoid it, and that in full likelihood that there’s nothing after death and there’s no afterlife whatsoever? It’s just hard to imagine for me.
Like, I would literally just sit there counting down seconds thinking about how every second I get closer to death. I still get kind of triggered by counting numbers manually in general, because it so easily ties into a realization I had that I could easily go find a calculator for the average human lifespan in days and just count down the days until I die, and I just can’t imagine how anyone spends their life at least not a little terrified of that fact, the shortness of the human lifespan and how finite and entirely realistically countable that it actually is.
Even now that I’m mostly over it, I’m only mostly over it because I’m able to ignore it and get on with my day, rather than actually have come to terms with it, I just push the thoughts away whenever they come till the next time they come.
I guess it’s just entirely baffling to me, to hear people talk about how they never processed their mortality as a kid, or how they just started thinking about it now that they turned 30, or almost anything about how most people talk about it in general, just because the idea of living your life not haunted by the omnipresent spectre of your own mortality is so completely foreign to how I’ve lived my life in complete and utter terror of how finite it is.
#death#thanatophobia#ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#vent#mortality#potentially triggering#triggering themes#tw thanatophobia#my posts
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For both of your Fairy and SK AU:
Do Sun and Moon have any phobias?
In the Fairy!AU:
It's hard to say, but I think they would definitely share Thanatophobia--the fear of death, either one's own or someone else's, especially a loved one. They know death is a natural thing, but they fear how much it can leave an impact on them.
They may also have a bit of Pyrophobia, fear of fire.
They do and experience a lot of things together, so it's seems appropriate that they would be afraid of the same things.
In the SK! AU:
Since they had to narrowly escape the pizzaplex as it was burnt down, they both are also not very fond of fire.
Sun has a vehement hatred and fear of rats and rodents; musophobia, I think it's called. He thinks they're filthy, and he once woke up to one trying to get into his chassis and eat his wires.
#answered ask#fairy au#dca fairy au#sundrop fairy#moondrop fairy#dca!serial killer au#serial killer duo#serial killer sun#sk boys#sk sun#musophobia#thanatophobia#pyrophobia
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(cw: death, mortality and existentialism) Npd and thanatophobia culture is “holy fuck what do you mean I’m going to lose everything I have one day. I’m the protagonist of this world how the hell am I just gonna leave and everything is going to keep turning. How can I deal with leaving behind my entire identity, the only thing I can rely on”
.
#npd culture is#thanatophobic npd culture is#npd#actually narcissistic#actually npd#narcissistic personality disorder#cluster b#thanatophobia
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Every once in a while I remember this one fic I read where I was all like "tee hee, twin telepathy" and then I read it and saw my deepest fears spelt out near perfectly back to me and I will never be the same.
#rottmnt#disaster twins#it was shocking to see someone else had thought up nearly the exact things i think#ill look to see if i can find the fic if anyone's interested#thanatophobia#was the fear btw lol
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Y’all I can’t stop thinking about how the world will end one day and there will be no trace of humanity left like what’s even the POINT. What’s the point of anything if when we die we experience nothing and our consciousness goes away forever and we can’t remember life. What’s the point if all of humanity will die one day and no one is there to remember us. Why is there so much space but there’s so little life. What will happen when the universe ends? And how will we know it’s ended if we’re not even around to experience the end?
#I’m depressed and I’m terrified of death so I’m just. sitting here LOL#how do you even cope with death? like?#there is no exposure therapy for death like you can’t experience death til you die#why does death even exist this isn’t fair#thanatophobia
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Goodnight to everyone with thanatophobia who uses fiction that fetishises death to manage their anxiety!
and goodnight to everyone else ig...
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trying to sleep and thanatophobia hits me with the momento mori
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alternate/unused piece for the Batober prompt 'Heartbreak' by Chris Samnee
#chris samnee#batman#jason todd#robin#a death in the family#batman and robin#the dynamic duo#batober#dc#batc*st shippers DO NOT INTERACT#kink/fetish blogs DO NOT INTERACT#death tw#tw death#death cw#cw death#thanatophobia tw#tw thanatophobia#thanatophobia cw#cw thanatophobia#thanatophobia
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It's Existential Crisis Tuesday lads 😎
#doomjazz#thanatophobia#the quiet comprehending of the ending of it all etc#average american tuesday amid record sea surface temps and an active genocide in full resolution paid for by my taxes
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it feels a bit like i should be rotting away in the ruins of a church
#dissociation#depersonalization#derealization#abandoned#decay#bone#rot#midwest gothic#small town#american gothic#rural america#thanatophobia#death anxiety
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thanatophobia sucks because i’ll really just be sitting in my bed watching game grumps and suddenly my brain is like “one day you won’t be able to do this anymore” and i’m like damn! cool okay! i’m gonna pause game grumps and think about this for three hours thank you brain!
#“one day you won’t even be able to think at all” WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT WHERE I CAN HEAR IT#thanatophobia#death anxiety
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Barbie, one of the few movies directly about Death Anxiety and Thanatophobia.
That was not a sentence I expected to write, but here we are.
If you haven’t already seen Barbie, I highly recommend it. It is a story about Existing, and what it means to Exist.
Barbie is an Idea. In this way, Barbie is strangely immortal, but she begins to have thoughts about Death, Mortality, and what Life Means. Her journey throughout the movie is to find out who she Is.
She wants to be Stereotypical Barbie. Pretty, blonde, partying every night, empowering women, and living her best pink life, day after day. She says it in the movie: she never wanted change.
But change happens.
Even for ideas.
We can see this just by looking at the way we’ve taken and reframed Grimm Fairytales, Ancient Greek Myths – hell, even the way we try to reframe and reinvent superheroes! Change is our only true constant, and so, change came from the Idea of Barbie.
At the end of the movie, Barbie is given a choice: stay an Idea Without End – or become Human.
This is a story that, perhaps, doesn’t celebrate death…but it certainly accepts it in an indirect fashion, because not only does Barbie pick to be human, she also makes one of her first actions as a human be a gynecological appointment.
I admit, I laughed my ass off at the ending line, because it was perfectly unexpected. Now that I’ve had time to sit with it, it’s also perfectly poignant.
Barbie’s first act is accepting her mortality and her change, by going to make sure she is healthy, by taking the steps to deal with the reality that she is now Mortal, and that means having parts of her that can get diseased.
Barbie’s first positive human interaction in this movie, is also notable. She has a lot of interactions with men who look at her lecherously, or when she tries to steal, but the first notable good one, is with an aged woman, that she calls beautiful – and the woman acknowledges it. It’s not a humbling compliment to a woman who’s forgotten her worth – it’s an uplifting one to a woman who knows it and can embrace it.
Yet again, Barbie flips expectations. We don’t expect this woman to know she’s beautiful, because our society doesn’t call old people beautiful. But there’s not a SINGLE hesitation from this woman in accepting it.
Barbie does many things right in opening a conversation about Life, about Death, about Aging, and about Making A Purpose.
Barbie doesn’t know what her purpose is, or what she’s going to do with her mortality, but she knows, she wants to live. She knows, she wants to have the opportunity to create, to change – and that is what humanity is. We all live a life where we can create things and make meaning. We are inventors, whether we just invent feelings in other people for a short period of time with our arts, invent smiles on the faces of our friends, invent airplanes for travel, or invent pet-steps up onto our beds because the ones in the store just weren’t working for our pet’s gait.
And then we age.
And we die.
Nothing in the movie sugarcoats this, and it expresses death as a Fear. It doesn’t say death is desirable at any point, but it does say it has to be accepted in order to experience and enjoy life. Just as aging, if we are lucky, is experienced, and is a whole other realm of beauty and experience.
Barbie was not the movie I expected it to be, and I love it for that. I love how the longer I sit with the experience, the more I find that comforts me in the message it offers, as a movie about struggling with existence and meaning.
Yes, it genders this message – but it’s not a movie that is Pro-Women, Down With Men.
Ken’s struggles are highlighted, and the mistakes he makes trying to deal with those struggles, too. Ken learns, like Barbie learns, that he has to find out who he is, and who he wants to be, apart from Barbie. He struggles with the expectations of men, the way Barbie struggles with the expectations of women, and both of them come out ready to learn who they really are.
It’s a wonderful movie.
#death anxiety#death anxiety talk#thanatophobia#barbie#barbie movie#barbie 2023#film recommendations#movie recommendation
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